PQ Monthly February/March/2015

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INSIDE: Chris Coleman and Portland Center Stage (our front cover), Our First LGBT Governor, Kate Brown (back cover), Turn a Look, Jacob Tobia, Voices From the Rainbow, columns, & much more!

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ONWARD, TOGETHER So as you turn the pages of our anniversary editions of Proud Queer (PQ Monthly), now 3, and El Hispanic News, now 34, let’s recognize and embrace the amazing intersection we are at and travel the road together!

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“We want to pave the way to unity and respect and mutual harmony. ... El Hispanic is being born to unite and to serve, or better stated: to serve while uniting.”

-El Hispanic News founder Juan Prats in the first issue in 1981 Staying true to that mission and welcoming the many changes the media industry had faced, 31 years later under new ownership, in 2012 Brilliant Media LLC launched Proud Queer—known as PQ Monthly. In honor of Juan Prats and his mission, we created PQ to have “every letter and every color represented.” I am proud of our Brilliant Media team as they have kept this mission at the forefront of every story pitched, every interview done, every event we’ve thrown, and every image that has graced our pages and web presence.

It is now, in 2015, that we celebrate growth not only in communal respect, harmony and united communities, but also our growth as a business. Dedicating my adulthood to this industry and the communities I love, I have seen silos that once kept us from each other crumble to the ground and become the roads for us to travel toward each other. Many of us walk these roads, some run, and a few of us ride them! As many of you know, being a biker has taught me many things, and in many ways it’s an equalizer. When you ride a bike, your age, gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, race, religion, economic background, or creed no longer matters. I am not discriminated against because I proudly wear a Dykes on Bikes® Portland, Oregon Chapter vest, nor am I discriminated against because of my gender, or because I am Latina.

When you are a biker, you are a biker—period. It’s about where you have been and where you are going, and it is in honor of that biker tradition that we embark on our new publishing venture, Tankside. I am officially announcing that we, the Brilliant Media familia, will launch a mainstream motorcycle publication May 1, 2015. This publication will represent the diversity in motorcycle riders and the diversity of their bikes.

EDITOR’S NOTE: OUR NEW BI GOVERNOR It is with heavy hearts we say goodbye to our longtime friend and ally, John Kitzhaber, who served his last full day as governor the day before we printed this issue. It is our hope that our community remembers his tenure for what it was—a lifetime of service—and we encourage everyone to reserve judgment until all the facts have come to light and all the dust has settled, and those tasked with conducting this investigation have finished their important work. Kitzhaber’s service has earned him that much.

Governor Kitzhaber, our community won’t soon forget all you’ve done for the LGBTQ community—having an ally and supporter in the state’s highest office has been so important to us over the years. A heartfelt thank you from everyone at PQ Monthly and Brilliant Media.

That said, we know our state is in very good hands. Kate Brown—the nation’s first LGBT governor—was sworn in on Wednesday, February 18, and will serve as governor until a special election next year, an election that will determine who will serve the remainder of Kitzhaber’s term. (Because our state does not have a lieutenant governor, Brown is next in line.) Brown, who is openly bisexual, has been something of a rock star in our community, and has been our Secretary of State since 2008. Prior to that role, Brown served in the Oregon State Senate, representing Oregon’s 12th Senate District, which includes portions of NE and SE Portland and Milwaukie. She will be our state’s second female governor.

Before working in politics, Brown earned a BA in Environmental Conservation with a certificate in Women’s Studies from CU Boulder, followed by an environmental law degree from Lewis and Clark College. Her first job at the Capitol was as an advocate for the Women’s Rights Council. When Brown was profiled for outhistory.org, a photoseries on LGBTQ politicians, she described the challenges of being bisexual: Her parents told her it would be easier if she came out as a lesbian, her queer friends called her “half-queer,” her straight friends called her indecisive. As Brown smashes glass ceilings, she can add battling biphobia to that list—having her as governor is a huge win for the queer community, and the future of queer politics everywhere.

It is in that spirit we present our first “double cover”—as a prelude of what’s to come (interviews with and stories on Brown), we honor her with our back cover. Congratulations, Governor!

--Daniel Borgen

A SMATTERING OF WHAT YOU’LL FIND INSIDE:

ON THE COVER

Chris Coleman, a life in theater................................................Page 5 Bravo’s Scott Nevins invades the Rose City.............................Page 6 Beyond the Binary with activist Jacon Tobia...........................Page 9 Coming Out Stories, Voices from the Rainbow........................Page 12

503.228.3139

Your gorgeous new calendar...................................................Page 16

proudqueer.com

The Secret Life of Summer Seasons..........................................Page 19 Get What You Need, a Sex Toy Review.....................................Page 20 Our cover was inspired by a season of theater and the talent powerhouses behind it. Chris Coleman (left) is pictured here

“Show Up and Ask,” Queer Youth of Color...............................Page 25

with his husband, Rodney Hicks. (No family photo would be THE NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE OF PQ MONTHLY IS RIVENDELL MEDIA, INC. BRILLIANT MEDIA LLC, DBA EL HISPANIC NEWS & PQ MONTHLY.

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complete without their gorgeous pups.) Coleman and Hicks were

Also: Turn a Look, GLAPN, Smashing Stigma, The Lady Chronicles, This Ends Badly, Pretty, Witty,

photographed at Portland Center Stage by Eric Sellers. Story on

and Gay, ID Check, Queer Aperture, and much more! Not seeing what you want to see in our

page 5.

pages? Email the editor! Daniel@PQMonthly.com.

February/March 2015 • 3

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FEATURE

CHRIS COLEMAN: A LIFE IN THE THEATER

By Leela Ginelle, PQ Monthly

“If you want to burn karma,” he says, recalling the experience, “try directing your mom.”

Chris Coleman became artistic director of Portland He remembers the company’s early days as a time of Center Stage in 2000, and has led the institution, which experimenting and learning. “The theater existed because formed in 1988 as a branch of the Oregon Shakespeare Fes- I wanted a place to practice my craft over time, and to have tival, for over half its existence. a conversation with the community around me,” he says.

Watching him welcome the crowd on opening nights at Actor’s Express was known as the city’s “edgy” theater, the Gerding Theatre, which he helped guide PCS toward Coleman recalls. “No one else was doing gay plays there, acquiring, or reading his so staging them like we did was essay about each new show political,” he says. His work in the program, it’s easy to found an audience. think of he and the city’s “Atlanta was a magnet for best known theater as synevery gay person with energy onymous, but Coleman had in the south,” he explains. “Gay his own journey as an artist, plays were part of our economic which led him around the success. This was a time when country, before landing, you could put on ‘Love, Valour, somewhat bumpily, in the Compassion,’ and it would run Rose City. for twenty weeks and pay all Born in Atlanta, Coleman your bills.” studied Theater at Baylor UniColeman recalls hosting a versity in Texas. Upon gradfundraiser for the gay activuating, he moved to Dallas, ist Evan Wolfson in his home where he worked as what was in 1993, where Wolfson prothen known as “word proclaimed, “The next horizon cessing,” while auditioning for rights is gay marriage.” “At and earning his equity card. the time, I remember thinking, As it does for so many cre‘How preposterous!’” he says, atives, New York soon becklaughing. oned, and he worked there By the late ‘90s Coleman for two years, before heading began chafing at what he saw for graduate school. as the “glass ceiling” Actor’s “Carnegie Mellon, Cal Arts Express had come up against. and Yale were the top theater The company was successful MFAs at the time,” he recalls. Chris Coleman, right, pictured with his husband, Rodney Hicks, at Portland Center Stage. but not likely to grow larger He chose Carnegie Mellon, Photo by Eric Sellers. than it was. “I was curious what in Pittsburgh, for the chance it would feel like to be the big to work with its department head, who, in a bit of dark game in town, to have a bigger pulpit,” he remembers. irony, immediately took a sabbatical, and to be closer to As fortune had it, a consultant working with PCS’s board his partner in NY. reached out to him around that time about replacing the Upon completing the program, Coleman asked an advi- theater’s retiring Artistic Director Liz Huddle, and, after a sor how one could become the Artistic Director of a regional brief courtship, Coleman accepted. theater. He remembers the professor asking why anyone The director’s first few seasons in the job were rocky, and would want to do that, and suggesting instead he start his he recalls that it “depended on the day” whether he thought own company. the match would work out. “In the first year, we lost 3,000 Coleman took his teacher’s advice, moving back to subscribers out of 9,600, which was just terrifying,” he says.

Atlanta, and founding Actor’s Express. He started from the Coleman had transferred the edgy, award-winning senbottom, temping during the day, and living with his par- sibilities he’d honed at Actor’s Express into his new home, ents, while raising the funds for his debut season. The first and the fit wasn’t always comfortable. show he directed there was “Reckless,” by Craig Lucas, in “When I’d interviewed with the board, I asked them, which he cast three friends and his mother.

‘How conservative is your audience?’” he remembers. “And

they said, ‘Oh, it’s Portland. It’s very progressive.’ What I learned from that was that an audience’s politics doesn’t necessarily tell you what kind of work they’ve become accustomed to. Looking back, I see that if I’d taken a few years to bring them along into the kind of work we were doing, it could have gone more smoothly. It took me awhile to learn to dance with this community.”

While the future may have seemed murky at times in those days for Coleman, it appears decidedly bright at the moment. PCS’s current goals, he says, include building reserves, developing new works, and diversifying their audience. He’s happy with the organization’s place, but still hungry to improve it.

“I think we’re seen by our peers as one of the most interesting regional theaters in the country. I want us to be the most interesting,” he says, smiling slyly.

Though Coleman still directs every season for PCS (his work can be seen in the current production of “Threesome”), his desire to act has slowly faded. In Atlanta, his name on the marquee was a draw, particularly his turn as Harvey Milk. While he says acting provides a chance to “experience the organization from a different vantage point,” he describes himself as “less drawn” to the process, citing the challenge of being in character with a mind that wanders to any number of administrative tasks on his desktop.

A hallmark of Coleman’s tenure at PCS has been the staging of classic musicals. He’s directed well-reviewed revivals of shows like “West Side Story” and “Guys and Dolls.” It was while directing Rodgers & Hammerstein’s “Oklahoma,” with an all African-American cast that Coleman met his husband, actor Rodney Hicks, who’s moved to Portland, and recently appeared in shows like PCS’s “The Mountaintop” and Portland Playhouse’s “Jitney.”

Coleman describes himself as being “medium engaged” with Portland’s larger theater scene. He meets with the city’s other artistic directors quarterly, but says, “Most of my social time is spent with my husband and my dog.”

The young man who left grad school wondering how to become the artistic director of a regional theater is now confidently ensconced in the role, offering up another season of big crowd-pleasers like “Dreamgirls,” which he directed, mixed with edgier work, like the LGBTQ-themed Tony-winner, “Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike,” which is onstage now.

Looking ahead, Coleman says he feels hopeful, not just about PCS, but about Portland arts in general. “This year, arts organizations will receive their first big influx from the arts tax, which will create opportunities for the cultural community here to grow in a way it hasn’t since I’ve been here.”

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February/March 2015 • 5

FEATURE

THE PEOPLE’S ADVOCATE Scott Nevins, star of Bravo TV’s hit show The People’s Couch, visits Portland for Our House’s annual benefit auction

By Amanda Schurr, PQ Monthly

He is one of the “couchers” on Bravo’s hit boob tube commentary series The People’s Couch, but it’s a wonder Scott Nevins has a chance to even sit down. At 34, the multitalented star of stage, screen and radio has hosted hundreds of live events, performed his solo shows to sold-out crowds and worked with everyone from Barry Manilow to Megan Mullally. He’s also established himself as a tireless crusader for HIV/AIDS education and resources nationwide.

Nevins talked with PQ Monthly in anticipation of his first visit to Portland this month, when he’ll appear at Our House’s Annual Benefit Auction and After Party. He spoke at length about what draws him to organizations like Our House, the importance of continuing the dialogue about HIV/AIDS, and the moment he raves is “the gayest thing ever to happen on television.”

PQ Monthly: You’re incredibly articulate in speaking about HIV/AIDS. What first prompted you to get involved?

Scott Nevins: I’ve always believed that if we are to be a true community, if one of us has it, we all have it. I’ve always felt that it was something that we had to do and take care of as a team, and as a group, as a community. … As we get closer to hopefully discovering a vaccine or even a cure, all of that money raised and all of that awareness and work has also given me the opportunity to meet some of the most incredible people that I’ve ever had the chance to work with…. Like the people at Our House, the people who are out on the field every day, so to speak, and really in the trenches and making stuff happen. It’s great [to have] had the luxury of just showing up at fancy events or at fundraisers and throwing on a tuxedo and making people laugh and helping raise money, but it’s the people who are running these organizations day by day, working with people living with HIV and AIDS and also, most importantly, going out and educating the community and educating those who may not have the awareness of how the disease is spread and how not too difficult it is to have safer sex and protect yourself.

PQ Monthly: Emphasizing the importance of “safer sex”—that there’s no such thing as safe sex—seems to be a priority for you.

Nevins: I do think it’s part of this younger generation that are just coming up that kind of feel you can just take a FEATURES

6 • February/March 2015

pill and everything will be fine. The medication we have now is very helpful in living a full, complete, healthy life, but it is not a cure. … There’s a lot of ramifications that go along with that, and I do think that the fear factor has dissipated because people nowadays, with the advent with PrEP… It’s another layer of protection on top of condom use, but my fear is that I am seeing so many people in the community using it in place of condoms and using it as an all-protective shield. …. The sidebar is, there’s not enough talk about how, yes, we can protect ourselves from HIV/AIDS but there’s so many other STDs we can catch. I think that’s also greatly overlooked.

PQ: How did you first learn of Our House, and what they do with individuals living with HIV/AIDS? Nevins: I found about Our House through the work that my friend Andrew Tweedie is doing with them. … I was so blown away by what they do and I kept saying “God, I wish there was one in every major city if not 30 in every major city.” ...

Places like Our House are so important.

There are the big, big, big organizations that do such great work, but it’s the, I call them the independent, stand-alone shops that, almost like the brick-and-mortar stores nowadays.... they are really in the thick of it. It’s so important for people in the community to have places like this to go to, whether it’s a temporary situation or whether they’re thinking they have to stay there permanently. Not everyone is able to afford medication or to afford the treatment that they need for their disease. It’s so crucial to have places like this that can help those who may end up homeless or falling through the cracks or dying because they can’t get their medication.

PQ: You appear at fundraisers, you host, you do comedy, you do TV and radio, you interview celebrities on the red carpet and elsewhere. Is there anything in particular you prefer?

Nevins: I love touring and doing my one-man shows and doing these events. … You ask any performer who’s ever stepped foot on a stage and they will tell you there’s nothing like a live audience. I have the best job in the world. And I do a TV show where I get to sit and watch TV with two of my closest friends and it’s on a very successful network. … It’s kind of a dream job for a former fat kid—I get to eat snacks and watch TV. [laughs] I’ve always loved show business. I’ve always been obsessed with it from the time I was 3 years old. ... It’s a great life and I wake up

every day just grateful that I get to do what I do.

PQ: How did The People’s Couch happen? I know it’s based on the British series Gogglebox.

Nevins: One of the people on the production team contacted me and said, “We think you’d be really great for this.

Do you have any friends that you watch TV with?” and I said, “Actually I do, they’re on their way over right now.”. … It seemed like a perfect fit because Blake and Emerson and I used to watch TV together and laugh jokingly and say, “I wish we had a show where people could hear the things we say, because we’re kind of funny.” Talk about manifesting—it just appeared like a month later.

PQ: Speaking of TV, the theme of the Our House auction and after party is the Love Boat. Do you have any favorite moments?

Nevins: There is only one Love Boat moment, and I’m going to talk about it onstage, and I’m hoping that [we can] show the clip…. It’s the episode where Ethel Merman was on it, and Ann Miller, Carol Channing, Della Reese—it was crazy. Ethel Merman did this big number on the ship and they all sang. It is the gayest thing ever to happen on television, ever. And it’s so in my wheelhouse, because I love nothing more than those old-school Broadway divas, so that is my ultimate Love Boat moment. I do vocal impressions, so I might try to reenact it; I’ve gotta really study it before I get there, though.

PQ: You’ve done so much advocacy and outreach. What keeps the cause so urgent for you, and what have you observed from city to city?

Nevins: I have found when it’s places like Our House and other organizations that I’ve worked with which go into lower-income places or are dealing with people who are not as affluent, I think it makes it much more real. You get a sense of how far our community has come and how far we still have to go—not only in HIV and AIDS awareness but also just in dealing with coming out and respecting oneself and loving oneself.... Our community has so many different layers upon layers of issues that we all have to deal with, and I think traveling around, I get to see how different parts of the country deal with it differently. It’s fascinating.

I think, as a community, we can pull the best parts of each of those and really become a stronger unit.

The Our House Annual Benefit Auction is at 5 p.m. Sat., Feb. 21 at the Portland Art Museum, 1219 SW Park Ave. Tickets start at $225 and include admission to the After Party. The “Disco on the Lido Deck” After Party, hosted by Nevins, begins at 8:30 p.m.

Tickets are $35. For more information and tickets, call 503-7369276 or visit ourhouseofportland.org.Visit pqmonthly.com for the complete transcript of our chat with Nevins.

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FEATURE

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February/March 2015 • 7

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There he is, that writer, on his day off from his day job. He’s tall, lanky as fuck, wandering from room to room in his apartment in NE Portland with a coffee cup in hand. He stops to pet his cat, and then checks his phone. A notification from Tinder—a dating app for boring people. A new match! His thumb hovers above the screen of his mint-condition iPhone 3GS. “What is happening here?” he thinks. He ignores the notification. Life goes on.

A day later, he’s on Scruff, a dating app for guys who want more Instagram followers. A few guys “woof” at him, he gets on the Global View front page, he feels good about himself. Then he wonders why, what kind of validation he’s getting from this.

Dating sites have been around since Al Gore invented the Internet, in one form or another. Whether it was AOL chat rooms, or the first iterations of Chemistry and Match. com, people have found ways to connect with one another electronically for decades now.

But something shifted in the way we connect with each other when the smartphone took off, and applications, or apps, were invented.

Some of the most popular apps were those which were phone games. What happened next was inevitable: the hookup/dating app was born, and it was no coincidence that it was close cousin not to the Match.com or OKCupid websites, but Angry Birds. Dating apps have become video games.

Let me clarify what I consider a video game. It could be anything from an innocuous “Words With Friends” or “Candy Crush” mobile gaming app to an elaborate console game like “Skyrim.” Whichever you choose to compare with dating apps, the comparisons are numerous.

The parallels makes sense, in a diabolical, genius way: you log on to the dating app, and depending on the interface, you either “swipe right” or “woof” or “star” someone. Then you wait. You would think this is the boring part, this is the part where there’s just a void. Nope, this is where your brain goes into overdrive, this is where it starts anticipating; it starts producing dopamine. New studies suggest that the anticipation of a reward is almost more powerful than the actual receiving of it.

These studies are usually cited when talking about the powerful pull of social media sites like Facebook and Twitter, but they can just as easily apply to Scruff and Grindr. When you think about it, those hookup apps are just another form of social networking site, except instead of friends, you’re looking for “workout buddies.” Ahem.

Think about it: you’re rewarded when someone “woofs” at you, or also swipes right. You’re rewarded when your profile is viewed a lot. You’re rewarded when people compliment your picture. You’re rewarded when someone unlocks their pictures for

you. These are all things that get you to the next level; these are, in gaming terms, “unlocked achievements.” A few apps also have a carrot they dangle in front of you too: get more viewers, view profiles anonymously, other enticements and incentives...just give us your credit card and all of this can be yours!

This is similar for a “Free to Play” video game model which also offers game-enriching equipment and skills for a modest fee.

But if dating apps are a video game, what about the obstacles? What’s the Scruff equivalent (Scruffquivalent? Sure!) of the bad guys? It would be easy to point to the dick pics or the torso-only photos, but these aren’t obstacles, they’re just choices.

It would be pretty sex-negative for me to think these are evil. Nope, evil comes in the form of awkwardness. When your ex who broke up with you in a really shitty way congratulates you on making the Global View, that’s a bad guy. When a coworker woofs at you, that’s a bad guy. When someone links their Scruff account to their shitty-ass blog and asks you to read it, that’san interesting way to meet similar-minded people.

In long-playing games like Destiny and Kingdom Hearts (which seems like a game designed by pederasts), there’s usually a narrative, a story that unfolds, and it’s punctuated with adventures and plot twists to keep your attention, to keep you playing. This parallels the apps closely: there’s a narrative, which is different for each person. “I want to use a hookup app to find a husband.” “I want to find friends to drink beer and hang out and hook up with.” “I want to make really bad otter puns in my profile name and show my junk to strangers.” The thing that keeps us going? The plot twist that keeps us hooked?

The dangling carrot, that there’s always going to be someone else out there, maybe better looking than the guy we’re currently talking to. This longing, this never being happy with what we have, this is the dangerous part. On dating apps, we are all magpies in a land populated with tinfoil denizens.

So this guy I talked about before, this tall, bearded writer? Maybe he’s going to start finding better things to do than being on dating apps. Maybe the less he’s on them the more he’ll pay attention to the world around him. Yeah, maybe he’ll still meet a great guy on an app someday, maybe he’ll click with him in a major way and they’ll get something started. Maybe he already has.

You see, the apps themselves aren’t bad.

And no, even the people on them, well a few are major dicks, but for the most part we’re all just looking to connect with other people. It’s how we use the technology that makes all the difference. The questions isn’t, has never been, “are dating apps like video games?” The question is: “How are you going to play the game?”

Play responsibly, friends.

Michael James Schneider is a writer, designer, and artist based in Portland, OR. He writes for his wildly unpopular and poorly-named blog, BLCKSMTHdesign.com, and just released his first fiction book, The Tropic Of Never, available on Amazon. Photo by Summer Olsson.

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FEATURE NEWS

GENDERQUEER ACTIVIST JACOB TOBIA ON GETTING BEYOND THE BINARY

By Leela Ginelle, PQ Monthly

to femininity than ever before. In the same way that it was once radical for female-assigned people to wear pants but it is now acceptable, I think that male-assigned people Through their writing at Huffington Post and in The Nation, and their positions with expressing femininity and wearing feminine clothing will become more and more acceptthe HRC and Out Leadership, Jacob Tobia has emerged as a spokesperson for the gen- able. At least that’s my hope! derqueer/gender non-confirming community, sharply critiquing the ways in the gender PQ: In a segment you recorded with Laverne Cox for “The T Word,” you describe a horbinary erases and oppresses trans and genderqueer folk. rific experience in which you were harassed and spit on during your morning commute to We caught up with the self-described “queer activist, movement leader, and part- work because of your gender expression. What do you think helps you remain resilient in time fashion icon” about the face of such ignorance street harassment, a and intolerance? possible renaissance for JT: I’m not going to lie male femininity, and why to you, there are still some they wish people would days when it is really hard delete the phrase “be a to live my truth. There are man” from their vocabstill days when I’m scared ularies. to go out in a dress, scared PQ: There’s very little to wear heels, scared to information about genbe seen in public. Particderqueer and gender ularly in a city like New non-conforming idenYork, where cat calling tities available, even in and street harassment the LGBTQ community. are so common, my dayHow did you discover to-day life can be pretty genderqueer identities, profoundly impacted by and come to identify with what other people think them? of my gender expression.

JT: For me, it was a What really helps me really long process of to be resilient is having self-exploration. I never community around me had one specific moment We caught up with the self-described “queer activist, movement leader, and part-time fashion icon” about street harassment, a possible renaissance for male femininity, and why they wish people that is supportive both where I realized “Oh, I’m would delete the phrase “be a man” from their vocabularies. emotionally and practigenderqueer!” When I first started getting in touch with my feminine expression in high cally. When I have a day where I’ve been harassed, I need a lot of emotional support from school, I didn’t have access to terms like “genderqueer,” “gender fluid,” or “gender non-con- my friends to get through it and bounce back, but I also need practical help sometimes. forming.” So I made up my own words. In high school, I identified as a “gender transcen- If I’m in a skirt late at night, I try to always have someone else with me, because at night, dentalist,” which meant that I identified not between the gender binary, but outside of the street harassment can lead to horrific acts of violence. Transgender and gender non-congender binary. My goal was to transcend gender as it had been taught to me and learn to forming people, particularly trans and GNC people of color, are subjected to physical viothink of myself outside of the man-woman binary. As I grew older, went to college, and lence far too often. To love and support someone who is genderqueer or trans is to supgot the opportunity to read queer theory, I began coming across the term genderqueer, port their very real need for safety. and I felt like it helped me to describe who I was. So now I use the term genderqueer to PQ: In your mic.com article, “Obama’s Morehouse Speech: Was the President Unintendescribe my identity all of the time, and have sort of found this position as a leader in the tionally Transphobic?” you link the reinforcement of the gender binary (ie: the command genderqueer/trans community, which is still pretty new to me. to “be a man”) to a marginalization of trans and genderqueer identities. It’s an important PQ: There’s still a great stigma directed toward male-assigned people with feminine point I’d never seen expressed before. Can you say a little about it, for readers who may gender expressions in our culture. What do you think can help create a safe space for not have heard it before? people for whom such expression is an authentic, yet often closeted, part of themselves?

JT: In my opinion, the gender binary is the root of all the problems that trans and JT: For me, it all starts with parenting. I think that we need to create a world where par- genderqueer people face in society. The binary says that there are only two ways to ents no longer tell their children “you are a boy, you are a girl, and here is who you have exist in the world, as a man or as a woman, and that what you are is determined by to be according to society’s norms” Instead, I think that we need to ask children open- what you are assigned at birth. Trans and gender non-conforming people cause a ended questions and help them to discover their identities for themselves. Instead of problem within binary thinking because we deviate from what we were assigned at saying, “You are a boy, so you like blue,” we should be asking the question, “What colors birth and often don’t fall conveniently within one of the two categories. That’s why the do you like? What makes you feel most authentic and happy?” So it starts with parent- idea of gendered spaces, of binary gender identities, feels transphobic to me. Withing, and goes from there. out the binary—if we truly had a society that accepted the plurality of gender diverI also think that we’re in a historic moment for male-assigned people. I think we’re sity—being trans or genderqueer would be much less stigmatized. So when someone really beginning to see a world where male-assigned people have more and more access talks about “being a good man,” or “becoming a man,” I can’t help but wince a little bit.

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February/March 2015 • 9

NEWS FEATURE

ONE LONG ROAD TO FREEDOM

By Steve Fulmer, via GLAPN

In so many ways, 22 year old Disan is a lucky guy.

Though born in a poor county, he was raised in a prominent family. His father was a banker, his aunt a member of the Ugandan parliament, his uncle a prominent priest in the Roman Catholic Church. His family belongs to the tribe that has held the Presidency since independence from Great Britain.

He attended the best schools and learned to speak English and a half dozen tribal languages fluently.

He dressed well, had access to the latest technology and was treated with deference. He expected to finish university and become an attorney.

There was only one problem.

Disan realized that he was attracted only to members of his own gender in a nation where colonization and Christian conversion made homosexuality strictly taboo. In fact, a recent law was passed to make it a crime punishable by death, then revised under international pressure to be “only” life in prison.

A devout Roman Catholic, he prayed to be ‘normal’. In the capital, though, he found others like himself, and soon learned of an organization working for equality. He heard their message and it rang true. In order to associate with his new friends, he moved out of his family home, knowing that this would spell the end of financial support for his university education.

He fell in love with one of the most outspoken leaders in

10 • February/March 2015

the LGBT movement, a man named Sam, and moved into his home. But Disan was careful to stay “under the radar.”

Although his education was interrupted, he was happy.

Then, suddenly, everything changed. His partner found someone else. In his pain, Disan told his uncle, the priest.

To his dismay, the priest called the police, who in turn arrested Disan, put him in jail and beat him until he agreed to testify against his former partner, who had become a target of the government under the new law.

The police raided Sam’s home and arrested everyone there. Sam and Disan were paraded before the national press and front page headlines followed. With their primary target in prison, the authorities allowed Disan and the others to leave jail, but they remained under subpoena pending Sam’s trial.

Faced with being socially ostracized and knowing that they’d be forced to testify against Sam, they did what they felt they had to do. They fled their homeland for neighboring Kenya and sought international asylum through the United Nations’ international refugee program. They lived in a camp under deplorable conditions where they were in constant danger even from other refugees. Disan, fearing that he would be kidnapped by his own family and taken back to Uganda, left the camp and with assistance from foreign friends was able to live in a small apartment.

On the bright side, because the government could not present witnesses, the court dropped the charges against Sam. But the process of seeking asylum took many months Disan requested status in the United States. The others sought residency in Canada. They were quickly approved and left Disan behind. Multiple medical screenings were required, then repeated. He was vetted by the FBI and Inter-

pol. Finally, with letters of support from Portland, Oregon, his application was approved. He signed papers agreeing to repay his airfare and flew to Miami. The entry proved to be grueling as well, but he persisted and made it through. On February 15, 2015, he finally found freedom in Portland.

Now, he is the guest of supportive members of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG/Black Chapter), he has a new wardrobe of warm clothes donated by members of The Portland Gay Men’s Chorus. He’s getting temporary assistance and medical care, as well as job coaching through Sponsors Organized to Assist Refugees (SOAR) and the Immigrant & Refugee Community Organization (IRCO).

He’s never lived in a place where his race is an issue. Now he must learn the ways of this new culture and manage the triple challenges of being black, gay, and foreign in America.

After five months of total silence, he’s been able to contact his family. They remain uncooperative, refusing to forward his passport or his academic transcripts. He’s starting over.

In a time where sexual minority people are rapidly gaining new guarantees of freedom in the United States, it is easy to forget what life was like less than fifty years ago— what life is still like in rural areas or in other States, or in non-accepting communities of faith. Disan’s powerful story of perseverance and resilience under extreme conditions, serves to remind us of how far we still have to go—and of how much courage and determination it will take to succeed in our quest for respect, tolerance and equality.

It will be difficult, but like Disan, we will make it. After all, he’s a lucky guy – and we are lucky to have him in our midst.

About the author: Steve Fulmer has been a LGBT activist in Portland since the early 1970’s. Among other honors, he was selected as a “Gay Hero” by GLAPN in 2012.

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FEATURE I would like to introduce you to: “To Be Continued,” a new section of PQ Monthly where we can safely talk about topics and issues facing us within our community. We all engage in and hear rumblings about stressors in our very diverse family—however, we often do not talk about them outside of our immediate spheres of influence, thereby keeping us safe from hearing opinions other than those similar to ours (social media has made that easy). With “To Be Continued,” we will engage our readers in meaningful and mindful discussions and serve as a bridge to create better understanding of one another. I must stress that conversation will be monitored and we will not allow hate speech in any form [PERIOD]. The opinions shared in this section may not be that of Brilliant Media llc, or any of its publications, its only intent is to share our community’s truths and move to a better place of understanding. Know our goal here is to facilitate respect and discussion. The rules: We all have the right and responsibility to look at every issue from all sides and be fair in our presentation of the facts, and the first step of this is seeing all sides of ourselves and being fair and honest in our self-assessments. It starts with us as individuals, and extends out to transform our lives, our communities, and the world. We are all in this together — so please, let us all speak our truth with kindness and love, and make room for each other to do so.

After all, we are all breathing the same air!

--Melanie Davis

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TO BE CONTINUED IDENTITY IS POWER Today’s politics of gender are new to many who were politically active in the last century.

The politics of patriarchy—sexism and racism— seem alien to those being politicized now. This new column, To Be Continued, will be a forum to bridge the generations and to foster dialog and tolerance.

By Renee LaChance, Special for PQ Monthly

Everyone has an identity and a personal life journey. When you find kindred spirits along the way, it is affirming, nurturing and healing. My first time experiencing that was at the Northwest Women’s Music Festival in Portland. (Important to note: in the 70s and 80s, any event that said “women” was code for “lesbian.”) That first concert filled up my senses.

It was The Dyketones: a rock and roll band of dyke musicians in 50s and 60s drag—proud dykes performing with slicked back hair, poodle skirts, saddle shoes, leather jackets, flat tops, and bouffant hair dos. They sang recognizable songs from my favorite 60s radio station with a twist. I laughed, I hooted, and most of all, I felt pride. It was the most powerful experience I had had as a lesbian.

Alice Walker, the author of “The Color Purple,” says, “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don›t have any.” That is certainly true for the lesbian community. In marginalized communities, identity is power. Historically, lesbians have given up their identity and power for the greater good.

In the mid to late 60s, on the coattail of the civil rights movement, women began fighting for their liberation and the freedom to be their authentic selves. This second wave of feminism began 40 years after the suffrage movement that won women the right to vote. Though lesbians led the movement, we were asked to straighten up for the good of women’s liberation. Some lesbians opted out while others remained active and hid their identity and orientation so the women’s movement could move forward.

In the late 70s and early 80s, we thought we could be visible as lesbians in our own community, so many of us worked to add lesbian everywhere the word gay was used. For example, we wanted Gay Pride to be Gay and Lesbian Pride.

It would take years of struggle for lesbians to be recognized and included. For too long we gave up our identity and our power.

In the early 80s the AIDS pandemic began.

Lesbians stepped up to care for their gay brothers as the U.S. government and their families gave up on them. Lesbian visibility had to be put on hold to work on the politics of the AIDS pandemic.

It was around this time that a lesbian and gay counseling center in Portland called Phoenix Rising started a women-only event at Breitenbush Hot Springs called Women in the Woods.

We took over the entire camp and closed it to men so we could commune with Mother Nature and frolic au natural if we desired. Attending this summer event was the only time during the year we felt free of the misogyny, sexism, body shaming, and homophobia that we dealt with on a daily basis. It was the one time of the year we could take off our protective shields and revel in our authentic selves. It gave us time to heal and rejuvenate so we could go back to our lives and work on the hard issues: healing from abuses of the patriarchy, helping our gay brothers die with grace and fighting injustice.

It was the second time I would feel completely affirmed within a group.

For three decades, Women in the Woods was respite for the lesbians who dug the yellow brick road to equality. The lesbians that were the founders, volunteers, and donor base for the organizations that birthed Oregon’s acclaimed LGBTQ community.

Over those decades, we were used to being pariahs of the mainstream culture. We banded together at “women’s” events and used code words to identify ourselves to one another in public places. The term woman born woman became a term of empowerment for lesbians in the twentieth century; it set us apart from the mainstream culture. It defined our margins.

It represented pride, self-esteem, and self-acceptance. It was an identity that alerted us to

others like us while shielding us from patriarchy and rape culture. Now, the vehemence directed at us for embracing that identity is causing fear and distrust. We feel marginalized and it is a direct assault on our identity.

One more time we have to give up our safety, history, and our power for a greater good that does not include us.

While there is some transphobia amongst lesbians who identify as women born women, it is not the majority. Instead of trying to erase the identity of a generation of women/lesbians/dykes by shaming and bullying, let’s use empathy, education, non-violent communication, and tolerance to change hearts and minds.

It will take us much farther than name-calling and ultimatums.

To me one of the definitions of woman born woman is surviving girlhood in a patriarchal culture. As more and more trans girls are allowed to be girls, the less this will be an issue in our community. As we all evolve to that place, the work we did in the 70s and 80s should be respected and the dykes who claim woman born woman as their identity should have the freedom to do that and be with others who identify that way, too. I hope this column can be a springboard for the thoughtful and civil conversations necessary to bridge this divide and move everyone to common ground. The conflict is marginalizing our matriarchy.

Renee LaChance cofounded Just Out, Oregon’s lesbian and gay newsmagazine, in 1983 with Jay Brown and a handful of forward thinkers that embraced diversity. She was a trans ally before the phrase was coined and identifies as a butch woman born woman who loves women, and vaginas. She is the winner of the Spirit of Pride award in 2000, the Pride Pioneer Award in 2012, and the Brilliant List in 2015.

February/March 2015 • 11

FEATURE

VOICES FROM THE RAINBOW: A JOURNEY

By Shaley Howard, PQ Monthly

Traci Leigh Taylor had no idea how much her life would change in 1996 when her son Daniel came out to her.

Living in Hillsboro, Oregon, with her husband and children, most of what Traci knew about the LGBTQ community was through heterocentric, mainstream culture. She loved her son dearly but was confused and worried about how he would be treated and what he might face in life as a gay man. Wanting to understand her son, who in her words at the time “seemed like a stranger to her,” she decided to start a project of interviewing Daniel, his friends, and others about their coming out experiences.

Her book Voices from the Rainbow, released last October, is a collection of interviews from across the US and world—over 50 individuals shared their heart-breaking and

12 • February/March 2015

remarkably courageous stories and experiences of coming out and being queer in our culture. Through working on her project what Traci Leigh Taylor—aka “Momma Traci”—realized was how many people longed to have their stories told and voices heard—even if that simply meant her listening.

PQ Monthly: Congratulations Traci on your book! How long did it take you to complete this project?

Taylor: It took me four years. Originally this book was about the relationship between my son Daniel and me.

Very soon I realized I needed to reach out much farther since who we were and what we did was connected to so many others.

PQ: What was your greatest fear in writing this?

Taylor: Not being accepted by the people I was interviewing. It was the strangest feeling. I really noticed it when I went to the LGBTQ homeless youth center in New York.

I went in and was introduced, and then I just sat down waiting for someone to come in. I sat there terrified that they wouldn’t accept me and want to talk with me. Finally someone did come in and I discovered we both share the same fear of not being accepted by one another. The same feeling came to me when I visited SMYRC in Portland.

Now after all the people I’ve talked with, I think my bigger fear is that I promised these people their stories would be heard. I feel like all these people handed me their hearts and it’s my responsibility to have their stories told. They want and I want people outside of the LGBTQ community to understand what we (the straight world) put LGBTQ people through by not accepting them.

PQ: Did you notice a common reaction or response from family members when people came out to them?

Taylor: Mothers were much more accepting than fathers. I often heard sentiments such as, ‘It’s one thing to have gay friends but another to have your own child be gay’ which was strange to me. And elderly people were more accepting. Perhaps you get to a certain age where you stop caring about what other people think and you realize life is not black and white.

PQ: Was there a noticeable difference in the level of homophobia your interviewees shared based on where they lived or backgrounds?

Taylor: The South was the worst by far in regards to homophobia. But overall, there just seemed to be a general fear and insecurity with coming out everywhere. I mean especially with teenagers who are already going through puberty—in a constant state of insecurity and a feeling of not fitting in—and if they’re gay, that feeling of not fitting in is only magnified.

PQ: What has been the biggest gift you’ve received from writing this book?

Taylor: I started being more aware. I started going places I would normally not go and meeting people outside of my everyday world. Everything opened up. It was great! I received the gift of understanding. I get it now. All I did was worry about Daniel when I first found out he was gay. But through this experience I realized and got it, that all he wants – all anyone wants – is to be loved and accepted.

It was a gift when I realized all the little things I take for granted as a straight person. Things LGBTQ people are afraid to express openly like holding hands or embracing in public. And having people write me and tell me they did it; they came out. That was a huge gift.

PQ: Are there any stories in particular that moved you the most?

Taylor: Yes, ‘Bear,’ whose parents had already died and he wrote them a letter coming out. That was very moving. And another young gay man who wrote me and said he was going to come out but was too afraid. He said it was too hard a task to even start and had no words. He couldn’t do it. That broke my heart. He would never get out of his cage. There were many unfortunately that could not write the words to come out. I call them ‘Unspoken Words.’

PQ: Are you planning on writing any more books about LGBTQ issues?

Taylor: I would like to write more on this topic and include more lesbian and elderly LGBTQ stories.

PQ: As a straight woman how has writing this book changed your life?

Taylor: I am more comfortable in the gay world than in the straight world, that’s just the way it is. I just am. I feel as though there are not as many barriers and I’m able to be more open, speak freely and am more accepted.

But I wasn’t before all of this. It’s definitely been a journey and process. I found that going into these people’s stories made me examine and reflect on my own life and my childhood. I started questioning why I believed what I believed, how it affected me and as a person, why I was so insecure. We’re all human. We all know non-acceptance so why the heck if we know what it feels like and we’ve gone through it in our own lives, how can we possibly not accept somebody else? And the way my straight friends treated me after reading my book. It was different. Perhaps this was because the book spoke to their inner child, that place we don’t reach in general conversations—that we are all connected.

Traci Leigh Taylors book Voices from the Rainbow is available now on Amazon, Kobo, ibook and Nook. The links are available on her website at www.mommatraci.com.

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FEATURES

PQ MONTHLY’S TWENTY QUESTIONS! Follow PQ on Facebook to find next months 20 questions and participate

Which “Car Dealership” do you feel is the most LGBTQ friendly and has treated you the best?

Luxe Autohaus 1635 NE Sandy Blvd, Portland, OR 97232 (503) 233-5893 LuxeAuto.com Tell us your favorite “Sports Bar”?

The Bitter End Pub 1981 W Burnside St, Portland, OR 97209 (503) 432-8326 bitterendpdx.com Do you have a favorite “Golf Course” where you play at least nine holes?

Glowing Greens 509 SW Taylor St, Portland, OR 97204 (503) 222-5554 GlowingGreens.com Tell PQ Monthly which “Motorcycle Dealership” you wish to purchase a motorcycle at, if you were to?

Paradise Harley Davidson

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FEBRUARY 2015

10770 SW Cascade Ave, Tigard, OR 97223 (503) 924-3700 ParadiseH-D.com ….and let’s not leave out the adorable “Scooter Dealerships”?

Vespa Portland 2318 NW Vaughn St, Portland, OR 97210 (503) 222-3779 VespaPortland.com ….or…”Bicycle Shops”?

Velo Bike Shop 1969 NE 42nd Ave, Portland, OR 97213 (503) 922-2012 VeloCult.com When beautifying, which “Cosmetic Store/Counter/Company” do you frequent?

Etsy Etsy.com “Soul Food Restaurant” that calls your name?

Screen Door 2337 E Burnside St, Portland,

OR 97214 (503) 542-0880 ScreenDoorRestaurant.com “Vegan/Vegetarian Restaurant” that calls your name?

Blossoming Lotus 1713 NE 15th Ave, Portland, OR 97212 (503) 228-0048 BLPDX.com If you were to plan a wedding, which “Wedding Venue” would you use?

Bonneville Hot Springs Resort 1252 E Cascade Dr, North Bonneville, WA 98639 (866) 459-1678 BonnevilleResort.com Which “Wedding Dress Shop” would get your vote?

Xtabay 2632 SE 25th Ave. Suite E Portland, Oregon 97202 (503) 234-7568 XtabayVintage.com …..and for “Bridesmaids Dresses/Clothing?”

Size Queen 215 Southeast Morrison Street, Portland, OR 97214 (503) 758-0783 SizeQueenClothing.com

…..and which “Place to Rent or Buy Suits”?

Duchess Clothier 2505 SE 11th Ave #102, Portland, OR 97202 (503) 281-6648 DuchessClothier.com Tell PQ the “Caterer” that would deck your tables with food?

Bridges Cafe and Catering 2716 NE Martin Luther King Jr Blvd, Portland, OR 97212 (503) 288-4169 BridgesCafeAndCatering.net Do you have a favorite “Wedding Officiant”?

Holly Pruett holly@hollypruettcelebrant. com (503) 348-0967 hollypruettcelebrant.com Who would be your trusted “Photographer” to capture this historical moment?

Michelle Awe of Plus Minus Photography plusminusphotos@gmail.com PlusMinusPhoto.com The “Jeweler” you would trust with your hard-earned money?

Maloy’s Jewelry Workshop

717 SW 10th Ave, Portland, OR 97205 (503) 223-4720 Maloys.com Would you have a “Stylist/Cosmetologist” do your hair and makeup for your special day?

Kassandra Sommerville Ginger Suite Salon, 6329 Northeast 33rd Ave, Portland, OR 97211 (503) 281-6802 KassandraSommerville.com Which “ Winery/Distillery” would grace your glasses for the wedding toasting?

Crater Lake 19330 Pinehurst Road Bend, OR 97701 (541) 318-0200 Bendistillery.com / CraterLakeSpirits.com Your favorite “Queer-Friendly Attorney” to ensure the paperwork is handled properly?

Law Offices of Richard Schneider 2455 NW Marshall St #11, Portland, OR 97210 (503) 241-1215 RBSLLC.com

February/March 2015 • 13

FASHION

NORTHWEST SPRING: KEEP WARM, LOOK FIERCE

By Sally Mulligan, PQ Monthly

The time has come, my sweet, patient queers! The fog is flattening, the rain is running off, and (don’t blame me if this happens) we seem to avoided any semblance of snow. This is good news for our utility bills, and for our booty shorts collection, but we’re not in the clear yet. As unique and lovely all of us queermos are, I have noticed we have a tendency to do the same thing: if it stops raining for a couple of days, or the temperature rises above 50 degrees, we act like OMG summer forever.

The tops get cropped, the tanks get skanked, and oops all of our jeans are shorts now. We act like we have never experienced spring in the Pacific Northwest before.

Then, as quickly as it came, the cold and rain are back and, like so many dark mornings before it, we have no pants. Gather ‘round y’all, I’m here to help! Here are my trend predictions to take us into spring, including some handy tips to keep warm while still looking fierce—it’s harder than it looks!

HOW TO DISAPPEAR

There’s definitely something in the air this year. A lot of us seem to be taking some really intentional space and steps back to rebuild and reify. Maybe it’s the weather, maybe we’re just burnt out on “the scene.”

If you’re looking to lay low this year, it certainly doesn’t mean you can’t turn a look. But as a stark contrast to the spotlight-stealing Liberace look above, I would like to remind you of the option to disappear for a while. Wipe your slate clean with a palpable shift towards more minimal styling. Manifest the simple life with simple silhouettes, clean lines, fabrics that match your skin tone, and clothing that is formfitting to that rockin’ bod of yours.

(Hey, I didn’t mean you should really disappear!) When it starts pouring again, throw on a clear raincoat. Experiment with matte makeup and slicked back hair, and enjoy the freedom of feeling naked without the street harassment (just kidding, this feature can’t help with that.)

(GO FOR) BAROQUE

You guys, we’re complicated.

Our community is a rich tapestry of individuals, so why not dress the part? If you’re looking to really hit the scene this year, you better warn everyone to watch the throne. Dress like royalty, darling. Think all things gold and gilded: gold chains, gold trim, gold makeup. Jewels and jewel tones.

You don’t have a royal bank account to achieve this look velvet and other luxe fabrics can always be found at thrift shops. The more sparkle and shine added the better. You are a queen, after all! And on the colder days, a cape never hur t a nyone.

SHEER FOR QUEERS

FEMME AS A VILLAIN

Something I would like to embrace and reclaim this year is the idea that anyone powerful who also possesses feminine qualities in pop culture is always villainized—often literally the villain. There’s this collective perception of “bitchy” and “bad” stigma that is always attached to these people. There’s also a lot of fierce fashion attached: leather, cat suits, fur, red lipstick, black eyeliner. These fiery, feared femmes are deeply flawed, of course. But I like to think of their powerful ensembles as armor. As a femme, that’s how I get dressed in the morning too: in a way that signals to my community that I am here and I am a strong femme. In a way that signals to muggles that I am not to be messed with. Queers know better than anyone that a leather jacket or fur coat (faux or otherwise) is your best bet for staying warm and dry while looking tough as nails. Channel your inner Cruella if you can relate.

I hope the return of the sun inspires you all to manifest a clear vision of your personal style. Call all your power into your look and let it carry you through the world in a way that brings comfort and safety, and also allows you to evolve. Dressing the part is half the battle, babes. Whether it’s leather or velvet that will prepare you for that battle is up to you!

14 • February/March 2015

For those of us who exist somewhere in between these two worlds, your choice of costumer y can also reflect that.

I’ve been on a kick for a long time about how I think “sheer shirts are the new cleavage” and now that the temperature is on the rise it’s time to elaborate. Personally, it’s important to find a balance when it comes to my personal style when wearing a sheer top, for example, I love the contrast of having it be loose fitting, or a floor length sheer skirt.

Fun ways to experiment with this look: use this peekaboo moment to showcase your favorite lingerie, or play with a bold print or color underneath to show through. Sidenote: this is also just a great way to dress slutty while still staying warm this spring.

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VOICES

ID CHECK

HOLIDAY

I Was Patriarchy’s Target

By Leela Ginelle, PQ Monthly

Early in my transition I began expressing my gender visually. I wore makeup, jewelry, and feminine clothing. It was in this period, prior to starting hormones or beginning to remove my facial hair, that people felt free to harass me with impunity.

These people were observing a “male” expressing femininity; a person, according to our cultural norms, deserving of ridicule and mockery, which they supplied. I didn’t know how to respond at first. I had been expecting even worse—assault, mob action, full-scale ostracism—and was happy, in the beginning, not to be experiencing those.

Soon dignity kicked in, though, and I began to answer back, and demand respect.

I read trans and feminist theory in an effort to understand the stigma that had dogged me all my life. To console myself, I reasoned that in a year or two I would appear more feminine, physically, and would be less subject to such aggression and hatred, which proved true.

Stubbornness and spite fueled me during this time. After multiple efforts to drive me from my job failed—much to my surprise—I felt I had a beachhead in my life, and nothing was going to loosen me from it. I had friends and a partner who accepted me at this time, but being certain places, including work, meant encountering hostility, based solely on my appearance.

I’m not someone capable of reasoned disagreement, generally, even when the topic isn’t the ways my identity might entitle others to mistreat me, so any discussions I had at this time on the subject amounted to brief, angry callouts.

When the thought would occur to broach the subject, I’d feel immediately inhibited by the sense that the terms I’d employ, such as “patriarchy,” “birth assignment,” and “transmisogyny,” would all need to be defined, likely with terms that would then themselves need to be defined.

Such moments felt hopeless, as it dawned on me I was being oppressed by a system so unconscious that the words describing it were known almost exclusively by those who suffered at its hands.

Perhaps because I’d grown up in a particularly unsafe home, the type of harassment I’d overhear, usually delivered indirectly but well within earshot, would catalyze PTSD-related vigilance. My mind became a paranoid bubble, and for a time, every conversation sounded as though it was about me and my gender expression.

Days felt like battles then, and I withdrew in ways, out of wariness. As time went on, though, paradoxically, I became more

well-liked, perhaps because the depression and secrecy that had accompanied closeting no longer burdened me. Writing offered an outlet for self-expression and protest, a place to critique the ideology that plagued me.

I recently heard feminist author Roxane Gay on the radio. When asked why she thought some female celebrities were reluctant to call themselves feminists, she responded that the patriarchy was so strong it frightened them from doing so.

I liked her personification of the patriarchy as a tyrant, enforcing its edicts via intimidation. In my life, the patriarchy, and its invisible, seemingly all-reaching philosophy, coerced my family to forbid me my gender, worked through the culture, and community institutions to enforce the unending policing of my identity, and inspired otherwise compassionate, well-meaning people to terrorize me when I transgressed its rules.

I’ve experienced joy at witnessing the cultural perception of trans people change the last few years, and sensing that others understand this part of me in a more sensitive way. I’ve had days in which I’ve suffered no social anxiety related to my gender, something I only dreamt about as my transition began.

Slowly the energy and emotion fueling my impulse to shame, cajole, frighten and harangue others into accepting and respecting trans people (perhaps related to my having been shamed, cajoled, frightened and harangued into accepting cissexism) has faded.

I thought when I began this column I’d be writing about the suppression of femininity in male-assigned people, and perhaps I have. The prohibition against it is severe. If I could have continued my life without transgressing it I probably would have. If I’d had less support, been less resilient, or were less transgressive by nature, I might have abandoned my effort, and detransioned. I know many people who have.

Femininity seems like such a ridiculous thing to forbid, but prejudice isn’t based in rationality, compassion or love; it’s based in power, fear and hate—at least in my experience of it.

The prejudice against femininity in male-assigned people existed in me, as deep and unexamined as in those who harassed me, before I turned a critical eye on it and sought to root it out. I hope we’ll all bring it into the light, where it can wither and die. We’re all better off without it.

Leela Ginelle is a playwright and journalist living in Portland, OR. You can write her at leela@pqmonthly.com. pqmonthly.com

February/March 2015 • 15

GET OUT

1

FEBRUARY 12 (THROUGH MARCH 7):

GET

OUT! Want more? We’ll give you everything. Head over to pqmonthly.com and check out our online calendar of events, submit your own events, and peruse photos from your reporters-abouttown. Also, remember to carefully examine our weekly weekend forecast — with the latest and greatest events — each Wednesday (sometimes Thursday), online only.

--DANIEL BORGEN

“The God Game.” On their 20th wedding anniversary, Tom and Lisa are surprised by their old friend Matt who has flown in specifically to see them on this special day. Tom is a Republican Senator from Virginia, Lisa is a volunteer at a local shelter, and Matt is the campaign manager for the Republican nominee for the upcoming Presidential election. The three of them have known each other since college and have a long history that has recently been complicated by the death of Tom’s brother, Jay, who was also Matt’s lover. After the initial shock wears off of Matt invading their “special day,” he quickly announces that Tom is the top Vice Presidential choice for his candidate. But there’s one little problem: Tom is agnostic. How will his personal beliefs affect his ambitions, and where will he and Lisa land on this potentially life altering decision to join the Republican Presidential ticket? http://www.brownpapertickets.com/ event/899211. Shaking the Tree Theatre and Studio, 823 SE Grant.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 19

PQ Monthly Press Party—mix and mingle with the makers of your queer newsmagazine. Rub elbows with a wildly diverse crowd. (And hit up Polari afterward. See: Dance it Out to the right.) This month’s shindig is at Vault! As always, 5pm. (And mark your calendars—every third Thurs-

2

DANCE

IT OUT

FIRST SUNDAYS

Bridge Club. A slew of stellar deejays play music on the city’s most treasured patio. Old Boys Club regularly welcomes special guests. (On hiatus until spring. We hope. Please come back, Bridge Club!)

EVERY SUNDAY

S u p e r s t a r D i va s .

Bolivia Carmichaels, Honey Bea Hart, Topaz Crawford, Isaiah Tillman, and guest stars perform your favorite pop, Broadway, R&B, rock, and country hits. Dance floor opens after the show. The Drag Queen Hunger Games are over, and the shows must go on! Check out the newest and freshest Diva hits. 8pm, CC Slaughters, 219 NW Davis. Free!

EVERY MONDAY

Family Home Evening. A weekly, postwork lounge party every Monday night at Vault, featuring DJ Orographic (Bridge Club, Queerlandia) and occasional special guests (Sappho fills in now and then). Jens Irish serves you happy hour all the live long night. 7pm-11pm, Vault, 226 NW Twelfth.

16 • February/March 2015

day at rotating venues.) 5pm-7ishpm, Q Center, 4115 N Mississippi.

Polari. Troll in for buvare. Back-in-the-day language, music, and elegance. An ease-you-into-the-weekend mixer. Bridge Club boys make the music. Bridge and tunnel patrons have no idea what to do with us when we pour in. Hint: it’s always the Thursday we go to press. What serendipitous fortune! 10pm, Vault, 226 NW 12. Free.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 21

Panty Raid Presents: Thong Song.

Performers: Seattle’s own House of Cathedral featuring Ammonia and Jason Waterfalls, Music: Roy G Biv/Katey Pants, Host & Party Vibes by Aaron Boeke, Tarot by Coco Paradise. Panty Raid presents a series of pop up insurrectionary parties capturing the vibrancy of queer art and nightlife both national and local. Thong Song is a textural blend of sounds, visuals, performances, design, and somatic sensations that will put you inside of a femme landscape we have been wanting to invite you all into for quite some time. Thong Song is our love note to Portland. Open it up and step inside. One Night Only. Vendetta, 9pm, 4306 N Williams, 21+, $5. We’ve got a big gay crush on the Panty Raid kids.

From Portland Idol winner CJ Mickens: “Come watch the premiere of the all-new The CJ Mickens Show, featuring an all live band, and special guest singers who will blow your minds. Come join us at the Funhouse Lounge to hear amazing live music, drink specials, and

FIRST THURSDAYS

Hip Hop Heaven. Bolivia Carmichaels hosts this hip-hop-heavy soiree night every Thursday night at CCs. Midnight guest performers and shows. Remember those midnight shows at The City? Bolivia does! 9pm, CC Slaughters, 219 NW Davis. Free.

FIRST SATURDAYS

Sugar Town. DJ Action Slacks. Keywords: Soul, polyester. Great place to find the ladies, to mingle, to get your groove on. 9pm, The Spare Room, 4830 NE 42. $5.

SECOND TUESDAYS

Bi Bar—every second Tuesday at Crush, and it’s an open, bi-affirming space for music and mingling. Correction: Bi/Pan/Fluid/Queer. 8pm, Crush, 1400 SE Morrison.

SECOND FRIDAYS

Slo Jams is a Queer Modern R&B & Neo Soul Dance Night at Local Lounge. DJ II TRILL (TWERK) and DJ MEXXX-TAPE lay down everything from Mary J // Jagged Edge// Keyshia to Badu//Lauryn Etc. 10pm, Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. $5.

SECOND SATURDAYS

Hot Flash: Inferno. (Second and Fourth Satur-

an amazing intermission called ‘Slaughterhouse’ featuring Celese N Williams and me. Don’t miss this experience every month, startin February 21, 2015. I can’t wait to see you!” 9pm, Funhouse Lou 2432 SE Eleventh.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 22

Dress to impress as Cascade AIDS Project and Hotel Monaco bring the OSCAR PARTY of the year. Enjoy light bites, signature cocktails, wine, beer, desserts, watching the show, and the chance to win great prizes including travel and hotel stays. Buy Now, $25. At The Door, $30. Ticket includes admission, your first cocktail, food, and desserts. Hosted by Drag Queen extraordinaire Summer Seasons. 21+. 4PM, Hotel Monaco, 506 SW Washington.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 26

THE HIDING PLACE. Coming Out and Comingof-Age in the Shadow of Oppression: A Queer Storytelling Tribute to the Power of Memoir. Featuring Stories by: DAVID WEISSMAN, NICK MATTOS, SALLY MULLIGAN, SISTER BRITT, PATRICK CORNELIUS, and JASON MYERS. Hosted by Carla Rossi, one of Portland’s premier performance artists, with songs from ‘Carla Rossi Sings the End of the World’, ‘The Hiding Place’ is a live storytelling e featuring nonfiction stories around hiding, otherness, youth, an inside the closet from local writers and artists. The Hiding Plac Queer Storytelling Cabaret is produced by Jason Myers and is a laboration with his performance lab, Home Theatre System, an OJMCHE. Ticket Info: General Public: $15; OJMCHE Members: Students: $8. 7pm, Oregon Jewish Museum and Center for Holoc Education, 1953 NW Kearney.

days) In the heart of Portland is where the women are—dancing the night away and burning up dance floors the second and fourth Saturdays of every month at Trio. Welcoming all women, queers, and their allies. 6pm-10pm, Trio, 909 E. Burnside.

Mrs.: The queen of theme welcomes its new hostess, KajAnne Pepper! OK, she’s not new anymore. But we love her so.

And dynamic DJ duo: Beyondadoubt and Ill Camino. Costumes, photo booths, all the hits. Lots of ladies, very queer. 10pm, Mississippi Studios, 3939 N. Mississippi. $5.

THIRD WEDNESDAYS

Comedy at Crush: Our own Belinda Carroll and a slew of locals rustle up some funny. Special guests, and Crush’s signature cocktail and food menus. Donations, sliding scale. (Comics have to eat and drink, too, so give!) 9pm, Crush, 1400 SE Morrison.

THIRD THURSDAYS

Polari. Troll in for buvare. Back-in-theday language, music, and elegance.

An ease-you-into-the-weekend mixer.

Bridge Club boys make the music. Bridge tunnel patrons have no idea what to do with when we pour in. Hint: it’s always the Th day we go to press. What serendipitous fortu 10pm, Vault, 226 NW 12. Free.

THIRD SATURDAYS

Burlescape! Burlesque & boylesque wrap in a taste of tease! Zora Phoenix, Isaiah Esq Tod Alan. (And there’s more than that, ki pqmonthly.com

Nicole ng on unge,

g you

event nd life ce: A a colnd the $10; caust

and h us hursune!

pped quire, ids.)

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 28

Elizabeth Taylor Birthday Fundraiser Celebration: Be a part of this community event! In honor of Elizabeth Taylor’s birthday (aka, Grandma), we will celebrate with a special screening of National Velvet, and by joining her spirit of activism in supporting two Portland AIDS organizations: We’ll help send kids affected by or infected with HIV/AIDS to Summer Camp at Camp KC at Cascade AIDS Project & support the Community Pet Care Program for HIV+ individuals at Our House. Thanks to the The Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation, 100% of funds raised will go directly to these two inspiring programs. Thank you, Cupcake Jones for donating important birthday provisions (delicious cupcakes!), and Hollywood Theatre for sponsoring and hosting this event for the third time. Tickets $15, additional donations encouraged. Doors open 1:15, event begins at 2. Come early!

Lovers of film, horses, humanity, community, pets, activism, cuteness, kids, Hollywood Theatre, summer camp, cupcakes, Elizabeth Taylor—we’ll see you there.

Blow Pony gets an extra shout out because they’re bringing Regina ov Light Fire to our fair city. With the voice of a shady angel and a body made for breaking hearts, Regina delivers anthems from the alleyways, and sets the nights ablaze. Regina is shadow and light, high kicks and deep splits, fierce tongue and soft touch, a celebration ov love, She is Light Fires! Light Fires has toured Canada and Europe, released a 7” Single for “Ten Feet Tall / If You’re Bored”, and has shared stages with the likes of Diamond Rings, Peaches, Fucked Up, The Handsome Furs, MEN, Big Freedia, and The Hidden Cameras. 9pm, Rotture, 315 SE Third.

Zora is a treat and a treasure—and so are her shows.

Try one out! 9pm, Crush, 1400 SE Morrison. $10.

Gaycation: DJ Charming always welcomes special guests—and here you’ll find everything lesbian, gay, and in between.

Be early so you can actually get a drink. Sweaty deliciousness, hottest babes. THE party.

Yes, boys, even you can hit on Mr. Charming. We know you want to.

9pm, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. $5.

Undergear: Eagle Portland’s monthly underwear, jock, mankini, etc., fetish party every third Saturday. Free if you arrive before 9pm or if you use free clothes check upon entry after. After 9pm arrivals who do not check clothes must pay $5 entry. Clothes check and raffle prize provided by Cub Cleaners.

FOURTH FRIDAYS

Twerk. DJs ILL Camino and II Trill. Keywords: bring your twerk.

The city’s longest-running queer hip hop/R&B party--where artpqmonthly.com

SUNDAY, MARCH 1

“Please join us as we crown Mr. and Miss Sweetheart 27 and say congratulations to David Skaggs and Valerie DeVille on a year well done as Mr. and Miss Sweetheart 26…” Cheer the Imperial Sovereign Rose Court on! Embers, 5pm, 110 NW Broadway.

MONDAY, MARCH 2

The return of RuPaul’s Drag Race! Viewing parties at Scandals and The Rainbow Room, for starters.

MONDAY, MARCH 16

The days are getting longer! And it’s still an excellent time to get your active socializing on. Gay Skate is a joy. Meet queers and mingle with them outside the bar setting — maybe your dream lover will ask you to hold hands during couples’ skate. And there are themes now! Themes! (Check online for the latest—this edition will be particularly crafty.) Come dressed to impress and wine beautiful prizes, and look for our publisher, who’s always handing out copies of PQ. And, you know, you’ll probably get a date.

Food drive for Take Action Inc. 7pm, Oaks Park, 7805 SE Oaks Park Way. $6.

ists, deejays, performers come to mix, mingle, and move on the dance floor. Established fun, all night long. 9pm, Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. $5.

FOURTH SATURDAYS

Blow Pony. Two giant floors. Wide variety of music, plenty of room for d a n c i n g. R o w d y, crowdy, sweaty betty, the one tried and true, even after all these years. 9pm, Rotture/ Branx, 315 SE 3. $5.

Judy on Duty. Lesbian hardcore. Judys, Judes, and cool ass freaks. Dance it out.

DJ Troubled Youth.

Organized by Ana Margarita and Megan Holmes. 10pm, High Mark Water Lounge, 6800 NE MLK.

LAST SUNDAYS

Sabbathhause Discotheque, gay night is back at Aalto lounge and it is bigger and more queer than ever before. Featuring some of the best deejays and performers around and hosted by night hawk Chanticleer Tru. 8pm, Aalto Lounge, 3356 SE Belmont.

3

FEATURES

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 21

The Love Boat—Our House’s annual gala! This gorgeous evening offers the community a very special guest: Scott Nevins. (If somehow you have no idea who we’re referencing here, do yourself a favor and google him immediately.

Post-haste. With a quickness.

Do it now.) Please join Our House for The Love Boat—the evening will include a silent auction, followed by a sensational dinner, first class entertainment, and one of the best live auctions in Portland. Disco on The Lido Deck , after party immediately following. Tickets are on sale. For additional information please call 503-736-9276 or email events@ourhouseofportland.org, or visit ourhouseofportland.org. Watch “The People’s Couch” in the interim to get your Nevins fix.

PQ PICKS

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 26

THE HIDING PLACE. Coming Out and Coming-ofAge in the Shadow of Oppression: A Queer Storytelling Tribute to the Power of Memoir. Featuring Stories by: DAVID WEISSMAN, NICK MATTOS, SALLY MULLIGAN, SISTER BRITT, PATRICK CORNELIUS, and JASON MYERS. Hosted by Carla Rossi, one of Portland’s premier performance artists, with songs from ‘Carla Rossi Sings the End of the World’, ‘The Hiding Place’ is a live storytelling event featuring nonfiction stories around hiding, otherness, youth, and life inside the closet from local writers and artists. The Hiding Place: A Queer Storytelling Cabaret is produced by Jason Myers and is a collaboration with his performance lab, Home Theatre System, and the OJMCHE. Ticket Info: General Public: $15; OJMCHE Members: $10; Students: $8. 7pm, Oregon Jewish Museum and Center for Holocaust Education, 1953 NW Kearney.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 27

Turnt Up. From the party architects: “It’s hard to believe but we are turnting one year this month! This night will no doubt take us to top levels as we are hosting Ambrosia Salad from Los Angeles for both our guest DJ AND performance. We can’t wait to dance with you and shake it all out.”

If you haven’t enjoyed Ambrosia before, do us a favor: get your life and GET OUT to see her. This is queer nightlife at its best. 9:30pm, Lovecraft Bar, 421 SE Grand. $7.

February/March 2015 • 17

VOICES FEATURES

VOICES

THE HOME FRONT Success Stories

By Steve Strode, PQ Monthly

“Closets are For Clothes.” I remember buying a t-shirt printed thusly when I was about twenty years old. At the time I felt like it was a huge deal to wear it—even in progressive Wisconsin. Yes left-coasters, Wisconsin has a progressive heritage (disregard current news cycles). Wherever there is a person in the closet, there is a person whose full, true self is diminished in some way. And there is a reason that the closet metaphor has worked so well. Home symbolizes our safe place, our refuge. I write this on the day that gay marriage becomes legal in Alabama, and it hits home how different life can be in the LGBT community depending upon which side of a state line we live.

On this third anniversary of PQ, I’m reflecting on its purpose—to write about what is, what should be, what we’ve done wrong and what we’ve done right. In these pages we’ve read regularly about the trials and tribulations of dudes dating in an app-based world. We report on various phobias, and create new terminology to help understand why many in a “Q-diaspora” are still marginalized or at-risk. This is really important stuff and the only way to effect positive change. But it’s nice to reflect on the good stuff too.

This month I’m not writing about the brick and mortar, or transactional side of real estate. But rather, I’m focusing on my subsection of the LGBT community— chiefly, gay men who have managed to stick together for decades or more. Not because we’re special in any way; rather, because there are both universal themes in maintaining committed relationships, combined with the ability to write ones own rules.

Through the power of Facebook, I reconnected with a colleague from many years ago named Tim Clausen. In addition to being a talented jazz pianist, he is a great interviewer—the kind of guy with a soft and soothing voice that would make anyone want to open up and share. For example, post-9/11, he conducted interviews with widows, then sent them the recordings to share with their young children once they were old enough to learn about their lost parent. It takes a special guy to come up with that idea. I was happy to learn that Tim just released a book entitled “Love Together: Long Term Male Couples on Healthy Intimacy and Communication.”

For the book he interviewed about a hundred couples from throughout the United States, and chose a couple dozen for print. Just entering the 19th year with my partner, I really wish I would have had

18 • February/March 2015

something like this to read early on. Most of us didn’t have the benefit of same-gender parents to learn from, or a how-to manual on how gay coupledom works.

From my perspective of how the world worked, you find someone—the one— and once you’ve decided you loved that someone, you settle down. While gay marriage was still illegal everywhere, the relationship was to resemble mom and pop’s.

One of the couples that Tim interviewed for the book were from Portland— Eric Marcoux and Eugene Woodworth, partnered for sixty years. Eugene has since passed, but I really enjoyed reading about their relationship and hearing Tim speak so fondly of them on a recent public radio show. They shared their stories of how they met, and techniques they used to stay together for so many years. Like any long-term relationship, there was the spark that brought them together. But it was a combination of ongoing communication, intentional routines, and impulsive bits of generosity that helped maintain the bonds for a lifetime. “Consistency and continuity keep our relationship growing. By consistency I mean we are constantly telling each other ‘I love you’ and constantly touching each other. For a relationship to last, make sure it’s based on love rather than lust. There’s nothing wrong with lust, but it may not last that long.” That’s a tough one to reconcile, since men are so visually oriented (want confirmation? Scroll through almost any gay guy’s web browser history).

Couples in the book also engage in frank discussions about monogamy versus open relationships. Years ago, I was told that couples who were open were looking to fill a void, to make up for a deficiency. It was just a last-gasp attempt before breaking up, rather than enhancing an already full life. Again, communication enables couples to write their own rules and decide what works. In the decade since moving to Portland, I’ve seen every type of gay relationship arrangement; some work, some fail. But we’re allowed to figure it out, perhaps with more freedom than our straight counterparts. And I know Tim’s words will provide insight and inspiration to many.

In the book, I read a quote from Eric Marcoux that I think could’ve been written

by Jose, my partner. And if you know him, I know you agree he’d say that about me!

“We’re quite different, and he really does irritate me a lot, but I’ve never loved anybody the way I love him.”

Steve Strode is a broker with Meadows Group Inc., Realtors in Portland. When he is not selling the American dream, he is probably wallowing on a muddy trail run somewhere in the PNW. He may be reached at steve@sagepacificliving.com.

For more info on the book visit: www.lovetogetherbook.com pqmonthly.com

FEATURE PERS{ECTOVES

THE SECRET LIFE OF SUMMER SEASONS Dating a Drag Queen is Serious Business

Photo provided by Summer Seasons

By Summer Lynne Seasons, PQ Monthly

When I first started doing drag, my drag mother would always say to me, “Everyone loves a drag queen, but nobody falls in love with them.” It seemed like such a daunting feeling to embark on this journey knowing that I was most likely going to end up alone. Luckily for me, I already had a boyfriend whom was very supportive so it sort of left my

pqmonthly.com

mind for quite some time. I did however watch many of my friends stumble along the way, and eventually encountered my own stigma as well.

My Drag sisters started putting boys into 4 categories, and I soon learned they were often right.

1. Boys who wanted to date you for the fame that you could help them achieve.

2. Boys who wanted to date you and have sex with you in your drag persona 100% of the time.

3. Boys who didn’t care about it either way they just loved you.

4. Boys who would absolutely NOT date you if you did drag.

Boy number 3 was what we most commonly sought after, but he seemed to be so elusive. Numbers 1, 2, 4 were hands down never going to be options for me, so I set about on the single life, until I eventually met the perfect man—and discovered him to be a number 4. I was left with one of the most gut wrenching decisions I’ve ever made. Do I give up drag and date the “love of my life” or do I let him go? After much contemplation, I decided to give it all up and bury Summer permanently. Never one to be under-dramatic, I

went and got Summer “The Season” tattooed on me, gave most of my drag to my daughter Jersey, and wrapped what I couldn’t part with (of Summer’s) in a tub and buried her in the back yard of my condo complex.

The amount of personal shame I felt during this period of my life eventually became more than I could bear. As my relationship unraveled, one thing was clear. Summer was a part of me and she was here to stay. As I picked up the pieces of my shattered life I went out and dug “Her” back up. Somehow all of it was just as I had left it and I went to work on making my return bigger and better than ever. I poured my heart into the stage, the Imperial Sovereign Court system, and working to raise money for charity.

I began to start dating again and one thing became painfully clear to me, nobody was ever going to be my numbe 3. How was I ever going to erase the stigma that men put on drag queens when we had done it to ourselves? My sisters always said it was a big no-no for 2 queens to date, even calling it “Kai-Kai”. I vowed to make my experience different, and was ready to educate people on the matter.

I dated my first drag queen shortly after that and I was unafraid of the criticism that came my way. If we couldn’t support us dating each other, how were we supposed to ask anyone else to support us?

It became a personal mission of mine to educate my potential lovers on the matters of drag and love. I began distinguishing that I looked at drag much as I looked at SUMMER SEASONS page 21

February/March 2015 • 19

NIGHTLIFE FEATURE STYLE

SOLD

by Realtor Gabriela

VOICES

GET WHAT YOU NEED

By Sossity Chiricuzio, PQ Monthly

“HOME PRICES ARE UP! What is YOUR home worth?

Text “kw2f3g82a” to 87778 for an evaluation of your house.

I will get you more money, fast, and with less hassle!!

“Results that move you!”

RealtorGabriela.com • 503-481-9870 • Gabriela@KW.com

9755 SW Barnes Rd #560 Portland, OR 97225 Each office independently owned and operated

20 • February/March 2015

It can be difficult to ask for what we need.

B e i n g d i re c t and honest about our sexual desire(s) and what works, and what doesn’t, can be intimidating or Photo by J Tyler Huber. even scary. This can be even more vulnerable when what you need overlaps negotiating disabilities and/or chronic pain or illness. Speaking for myself, my otherwise burly and ready to go body has been through decades of arthritis and manual labor that definitely have an impact.

Shopping for sex toys can be a great way to practice this communication, especially when you have access to a shop staffed by people that are as respectful, educated and friendly as those at She Bop. They were very welcoming of my request to come learn about the toys they have that might help me navigate my own terrain better, and I spent over an hour with one of the owners, Jeneen, and their impressive selection.

My personal wish list is long and diverse, but I wanted to address a particular issue I’ve been having with a vibrator that my partner enjoys but I don’t, the Hitachi wand. I’m sure a good number of you just scoffed at the idea that there could possibly be anything wrong with it. Well, other than the fact that it only has two settings (Come now!

And COME NOW!), I also find it to be really awkward and heavy, which is hard on every joint I have from from fingertip to shoulder.

It’s usually a race to see if my arm will go numb before I can actually get off.

Jeneen listened carefully as I described all this, and asked me questions about what kinds of intensity and shapes in a vibe I do or might enjoy, then we toured the store as she demonstrated various options (as best as a palm can theorize, of course.) Like me, many customers with mobility issues are looking for something that is easy to manipulate, not too bulky, with a lot of variety, and we spoke at length about the different positions that could work with each toy.

I was delighted at the plethora of options— remote controls, toys activated by sound or pressure, or that pulse instead of vibrate, and even toys meant to be moved by contracting your pelvic muscles. I was eying the steel Pure Wand from Njoy longingly, but while I was sure it wasn’t on this tour due to being so heavy, Jeneen explained that in this case the weight actually makes it more ergonomic as it requires less strenuous movement for a big impact, as well as being curved in a way that makes those movements easy. Someday I hope to test that for myself!

We finally narrowed it down to two possibilities: the Bodywand Black, and the Mystic Wand. They are a similar size (about a 1/3 smaller and about half the weight of the Hitachi), but the first has a cord, and the second is battery operated. I really dislike the half-naked and scrambling dismemberment of household appliances that battery operated toys can cause, and the cord on the Bodywand is 8 feet long (2 feet longer than the Hitachi), so it won. We outfitted it with the G-spot silicone attachment meant to go with the Mystic Wand—the heads on the toys are the same size—so as to allow for a good time inside and out. I got on the bus with my little brown bag and headed home for a research session!

This wand is considerably lighter than the Hitachi, so much so that after hours of intensive testing, I had zero pain from using it. No aches, no strains, and no awkwardly bent wrists required! The vibration is not as deep of a thrum, but it does rate high on the intensity scale, even at its lowest setting. Not ideal for me, as I like a little, “Hello, what’s your name, wanna dance?” build up, but coupled with the G-spotter attachment and some warm-up play it showed me a really good time without leaving anything numb.

The roller control took a little getting used to, and sadly, it has a more limited range than it seemed in the store. My partner was not as thrilled with it as we’d hoped, but the attachment helps as it seems to deepen the vibration a tad and disperse it over a wider surface area. We didn’t test it for anal insertion play, but the attachment is firmly seated on the head when in place, and flared at the base by design, so it seems a good candidate for P-spot stimulation as well.

The shaft on the attachment is more like a thick thumb than a phallus, but I found it to be plenty given the intensity of the vibrations, and I love the soft nest of nubs placed just so. Ultimately, I would definitely recommend this combo as a replacement for the Hitachi, or just an intense wand vibrator that is relatively easy to hold or position, and I am looking forward to all the ways we find to incorporate it into our adventures!

Just as satisfying is how this experience gave me a chance to really sit with what I need, and to figure out how to describe that clearly.

It was good practice for having the same discussion with intimate partners, and I definitely recommend it, regardless of whether you’re ready to buy a toy. I know more about myself than before that conversation, and have more language for describing it, and that’s a great step in getting what you need.

End note: If you have questions you’d like me to answer or seek out answers for, products you’d like me to review, people you’d like to hear from, or resources to share, please get in touch! Sossitywrites@gmail.com. pqmonthly.com

FEATURE CALENDAR

SUMMER SEASONS Continued from page 19

characters in movies or stage plays. Angelina Jolie can play a wonderful bad ass, but that doesn’t make her one in real life. I am much the same way about my drag. It is an extension of the person that I am, but not what makes or breaks me. I quickly shut down anyone who wanted to sleep with Summer by explaining that underneath all the smoke and mirrors was a hairy man, who was happy to be one at the end of his stage time; if they were interested in that, then they could be with me. I also became unafraid to “out” myself as a drag queen. You either were okay with it, or you weren’t, and if you weren’t I just don’t have time for you.

My life motto since those days has become “If you like it, great, if you don’t, that’s okay too, but just allow me to be me, and I’ll continue to allow you to do the same.” I’ve encountered some people along the way who’ve been resistant to experience all that I have to offer, but I’m no longer afraid to not be my authentic self. Summer is a part of who I am, but not what makes up the core of me. I’m still that shy guy who likes to watch horror films and My Little Pony episodes, but I’ve just found something that I happen to be really good at. My love for my friends and giving back to my community has fulfilled me until now, and I have no regrets about any of it. I recently put myself back on the market and I find it to be better than ever. While I’m not really looking for a husband, I’m no longer afraid if one comes my way.

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NIGHTLIFE VOICES

VOICES

THE LADY CHRONICLES On the Perils of Sober-uary

By Daniel Borgen, PQ Monthly

“As a bar owner, I hate January.” —Craig T. Olson, Vendetta Our people drink; it is, arguably, our patented, signature move. A cultural leftover from times past, when we only had bars to socialize in and far more of us were in the closet than weren’t, we’ve perfected, for better or for worse, our enjoyment of and indulgence in the good stuff. Happy hours, queer nights, drag shows, birthday parties, galas, mixers—sweet temptation abounds; touching the good stuff to our lips is infinitely easier than avoiding it. There’s every reason to drink and precious few to not.

Up until a few years ago (it could be several at this point—my memory), I partied much more often than I do now. (Perhaps with age comes a calming.) A lengthy coming out process in my early 20s paired with an even longer cult deprogramming sent me looking for fulfillment in nightlife.

And boy, did I find it. In nightlife, I belonged.

I was comfortable, accepted. I met friends and lovers and sweated out every single demon in the darkest, most intimate corners of the dance floor. Even when I settled down in my longest live-in relationship to date, we incorporated frequent nights out into our marriage routine. (Hindsight: perhaps not the best choice.) When that went to hell, nightlife was my therapist, my lover, my friend. Drag queens were my gods. In the dimly lit club I hid from all that ailed me. Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, sometimes even Friday—I was out and I think it’s fair to say I’ve spent an Oprahsized fortune on booze over the past couple of decades. (If not Oprah’s, at least Gayle’s.)

In this regard, my story is not terribly unique—we all have tales of heartbreak and coming out and finding community.

But this is not a story about community, it is about will.

January—2015’s dry month; it isn’t the first I dedicated to abstaining from alcohol, and I can say with some confidence it won’t be my last. I was reminded of my past experimentations with sobriety while catching up with an ex-lover via telephone (it was a pleasant conversation with a former mate—not the most common occurrence for me, a nice harbinger of things to come in the New Year); “What’s new?” he asked. “I’m trying something new! I’m not drinking this month.” “You do this every January,” he told me. He seemed so sure. While I don’t recall giving up the sweet stuff every single January—my memory—I am presently fresh off the hiatus, a Sober Sally on a sunny Saturday morning in February, typing away, hangover free, so everything’s quite clear.

Before my epic plunge into and journey through Sober Town, I had a long chat with a trusted confidante. I didn’t want to advertise my hiatus on billboards, but I needed someone to confide in, to hold me accountable—someone who’s spent several years stone cold sober. Periods of sobriety aren’t

times to judge, she told me, but opportunities to observe and evaluate—everyone, really, but especially ourselves. Seeing the world through a clear-headed lens helps us determine who to confide in; we catch glimpses of our drunken alter-egos, and we take note.

When people saw me and interrogated me, I remembered all the times I chided dry party-goers or bar patrons. “What’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you drinking?” Note: don’t ever do that again.

Here is the most wonderful thing you’ll get out of a sober month. It is a spectacular sensation: memory. Whether I stayed in (and boy, did I stay in), or ambled from bar to bar, from event to event—there were no gaping black holes in my mind, no long patches of fuzzy faces and unintelligible, muttered conversations. I remember every single story from Dark Night of the Soul, every chat I had at PQ Monthly’s last Press Party—the list goes on.

There was no wondering who the hell I made out with or how I ended up waking next to a stranger in a hippie compound in deep SE. I remember every detail, entire conversations, every single scenario and person.

I also learned I can’t blame alcohol for my poor choices in the dating and Grindr departments. Stone cold sober, I still had sex with strangers. I still slipped up perhaps didn’t always have the safest sex. I’m still figuring out why I’ve used booze as an “excuse” all these years. Here’s the crux of it—and perhaps it’s taken me three decades to figure it out: I like sex; I like human contact; I want more of it than less. And I’m not ashamed of that.

Throughout the month, my mind set an infinite number of steel traps, latching on to every fleeting moment, moments I might otherwise forever lose to the inebriated abyss. Names, faces, antics—nothing slipped by. The results of this much-coveted benefit (side effect) ebbed and flowed.

There were moments when I prayed for the soberness to end, frantically sniffing vodka sodas and whiskey sours, hoping against hope to be enchanted by the temptress. Many other times I curled up with Netflix and herbal tea and slept soundly.

Though I was told more than once I looked somewhat “uncomfortable” alcohol-free in a social setting, I wasn’t. I was observing, taking it all in, finding my sober way.

I watched time zip by; moments are here and they’re gone. Time is cruel.

In the end, I realized I want my friend Craig to have a long, happy retirement, so I won’t ever swear off alcohol forever. Soberuary serves one main purpose: to prove a point. It is nice and healthy to make a promise to yourself and to keep it (my checkbook didn’t mind so much either). The other tiny revelations I had along the way—remembering memories, teaching myself how to cook, carving out time for my ex-boyfriend, Gym—were simply welcome bonuses.

Daniel@PQMonthly.com 22 • February/March 2015

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BOOKS NIGHTLIFE

VOICES

Pretty And Witty And Gay Mozart was into Scat—and Other Gems

By Belinda Carroll, PQ Monthly

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I don’t know about your weekends, but sometimes Mama “accidentally” takes too much Xanax, gets a little too relaxed, and ends up watching Fox News to get her anxiety levels back to normal. It’s like really cheap speedballing. There are a lot of misconceptions spilling out of the thin blond alien life forms they seem to find to anchor FOX. I have a hunch we suspended space exploration, not because of money but because the government hadn’t realized when we kidnapped the Fox News anchors from their home planet that the Bobbleheads could breed on their own.

I imagine their lovemaking consists of taking off their human skin suit and just smooshing the slime together until they create a baby Republican. Of course, Richard Branson is exploring space now, and I’m sure it’s because human women can’t satisfy him. And, look at him. Don’t you know, deep down, that he’s probably from space? (Just kidding Richard, please don’t kill me next time I fly. Also, can I borrow a coupla million? I’m good for it.) Anyhow, there is a pervasive idea at Fox that the LGBT folk are having way kinkier parties than I’m invited to. I know they exist.

Please email me your kinky party invites.

(Don’t do that. My fiancé would kill me.)

The other day, I was reading something about Mozart liking scat play (shit, for those who don’t flag brown) and it occurred to me; how many of these venerated (also, assumed straight and missionary) historical figures are actually kinky as hell? Well, like all of them. Did you honestly think R. Kelly was the first one trapped in the closet? I present to you a few people who were super kinky, and also happened to make history and come out smelling like a rose.

Now, go flog your girlfriend, and tie up your part-time manservant. Feeling twisted? Nope, you still don’t have anything on Pope Alexander VI. Pope Alexander VI (1489-1501)...had many mistresses and presided as a judge over a contest orgy. The Catholic Church used to be a way better party before 1585 (the Spanish Inquisition notwithstanding) when it introduced celibacy, which really cut down on the Pope pulling down some strange.

As you can imagine, being “his Popeness” would really inspire some “worshipping at the Papal altar” (slang for blowjobs in 1493), which Pope Alexander took full advantage of. According to the Pope’s Master of Ceremonies Bishop Johann Burchard’s official diary, Alexander not only had an orgy “involving fifty fine courtesans” in the apostolic apartment but also had his children in attendance. He also bought his way into being Pope, so he really nailed the fuck out of being the moral compass of the world.

Empress Messalina wife of I, Claudius... moonlit as an insatiable common prostitute—this according to Juvenal, a Roman

24 • February/March 2015

poet who penned the Satires. (Not to be confused with the rapper Juvenile who penned Back that Azz Up. Although little known fact, The Empress was the inspiration for Back That Azz Up.) Empress Messalina really wanted to give back to the commoner. The story goes, once Messalina knew that Emperor Claudius was asleep, she donned a blond wig and entered the town brothel where she took on any and all men until daylight. Her brothel name was Lycisca, which is Cinnamon in Greek.

King James of Bible fame...was way into dudes. Most people who’ve had seedy motel sex know King James. His Bible is one of the most widely distributed English versions of the tome that enumerates the ways we are going to hell. Not only does that list include eating shellfish, getting tattoos and practicing inhospitable behavior toward strangers; but also boning dudes. The mention of dude boning is limited to a couple of passages, but those passages have been used to justify all sorts of heinous shit.

But King James was pretty open about his love of young strapping chaps, because he only skimmed Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy while simultaneously eating ham, planting his crops all willy nilly, and gallivanting around in a cotton/wool blend. In 1607, he fell in love with a poverty stricken Scotsman named Robert Carr. The handsome seventeen year old Carr fell off a horse and broke his leg and the 41 year old king nursed him back to health, taught him some Latin (and some French too, you think leeringly), and fell in love. It was not secret. The Earl of Suffolk wrote, “The king leaneth on his [Carr’s] arm, pinches his cheeks, smoothes his ruffled garments, and when he looketh at Carr, directeth discourse to others.”

President Harding…underage sex in a White House coat closet. Harding was our 29th President, serving from 1921 to 1923.

He’s a bottom tier president due to the many scandals that happened in his administration, such as the Teapot Dome scandal—which despite sounding like something that happened to one of the seven dwarves, was the largest scandal in U.S. history until Watergate. He also apparently was an inspiration to Bill Clinton, because in 1927 Nan Britton published a book named, “The President’s Daughter,” which claimed Harding started an affair with her at 16.

And, that’s not the only case of Harding gloriously living up to his last name (Harding, you are a dick joke), because another woman, Carrie Fulton Phillips, had massive amounts of love notes from President Stud Muffin, and they are being unsealed in July 2015 by the Library of Congress and I can’t wait. The Starr Report is going to read like Twilight after Dr. Feelgood’s prose comes to town. Harding, “Honestly, I hurt with the insatiate longing, until I feel that there will never be any relief until I take a long, deep, wild draught on your lips and then bury my face on your pillowing breasts.”

Belinda can be reached at Belinda@PQMonthly.com

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FEATURE MUSIC

“SHOW UP AND ASK”: HOW TO BE AN ALLY

By Matt Pizzuti, PQ Monthly

excited to go marching the next day because I was heartbroken. I definitely welcome every person who wanted to A year and a half after launching a local organization show up there as a support, but I think people also have supporting Portland’s queer and trans youth of color, Queer to realize what it’s like to see someone who looks like you Intersections Portland Founder and Executive Director put in danger so many times, and the systems of power in Giovanni McKenzie said the group is entering a transi- this country defend those actions. You can’t grasp what it’s tional period, refining its programs by hearing more from like to experience that firsthand. the people it serves — perhaps especially poignant when The film “Selma” to me embraced true allyship because Portland’s broader LGBTQ community is in a similar pro- these people put themselves in danger. These people were cess with Q Center. McKenzie spoke to PQ on the univer- there. They weren’t just saying “I donated to the NAACP” sal importance of that listening approach, and on how to or “look at me, I’m going to an Urban League of Portland be an ally. event.”

PQ Monthly: Queer InterPQ: Right. And that’s not sections Portland was founded to put you or your Facebook to meet a need for improved status on the spot, but to invite visibility and support for the question, how can someyoung queer and trans people one be a good ally? of color in the area. How do GM: I would say that being you see its relationship with a good ally, one thing I’ve previously-established local learned, is to show up and to LGBTQ institutions? listen. (For example) I’m not Giovanni McKenzie: a trans person, so a privilege Organizations are doing amazI have is that I’m male-passing work, I have to admit that. ing. I don’t speak for the trans But it’s one thing for a platform community — if someone asks to be developed by a group of me “Giovanni, how do trans people who do not identify “I think many of us are looking for an organization that prioritizes their issues, rather than people feel about this?” I don’t as youth, do not identify as having those issues be competing with another hundred goals.” Photo by Carlos Silvas. answer the question because people of color, and may or may not be queer and trans, it’s not mine to answer. I’m not going to go into a trans space versus these individuals having a platform led by them and and take up everyone else’s voices. That’s something that for them. I think many of us are looking for an organization happens so many times — there’s a community gathering that prioritizes their issues, rather than having those issues to respond to, say, racism in Portland, and the people who be competing with another hundred goals. are talking don’t experience it. It’s good to show up, and it’s PQ: How would a young queer person of color who’s good to ask, “how can I be a good ally,” not to show up and new to Portland connect with your organization, and what expect to get a trophy because you came. would they expect to find?

PQ: Do conversations about police or the justice system GM: We’re spending the next six months figuring out come up during your work with queer youth of color? what Queer Intersections Portland is going to look like, GM: This year more than ever, but one thing that I see and building our relationship with Fierce New York, the within communities of color is that many of these issues first organization ever doing this work. Any queer and trans happen so many times they become a reality many of us youth of color in this city can be a part of that. (Find Queer think of as our everyday lives. Many of us don’t think about Intersections Portland online at http://qiportland.org or on why it is that communities of color don’t have, say, as good Facebook at http:/facebook.com/QiPortland) access to education or health care as other communities PQ: On the night we learned the Missouri grand jury do. To us it just feels like an everyday thing; we’re driving wouldn’t indict Darren Wilson for shooting Michael Brown, down the road and we expect the cops to pull us over. We you posted on Facebook it wasn’t an occasion for white are, say, a genderqueer person walking to a store, expecting people to brag that they are allies — to let it be a moment the security guard to follow us. Do we talk about how people for people of color. What do you see as the ideal relation- in authority affect our everyday life? Now more than ever, ship between allies and people of color? but I think in general we get so used to it we don’t realize GM: I think one thing that happens is that people see it’s an issue anymore, and to me that’s a bigger problem. allyship — not just allyship supporting people of color but PQ: What does Portland’s LGBT community in general in general — a badge to wear, and it really isn’t. That’s some- need to do differently for queer youth of color? thing I wanted to make clear, and also the fact that I wasn’t GM: The first thing people need to do is to listen. You

cannot be a multi-million-dollar organization that has a mission to support LGBTQ individuals, go to your board to say “hey, we’ve heard youth work sounds sexy with all the grants and foundations,” and set goals for your organization to follow, without asking these people what they want.

One of the issues I saw Q Center face was many of their positions were for the youth without a strong dialog with those youth. Now with a lot of the major changes, the Q Center has been doing a better job.

PQ: In terms of the last several weeks?

GM: With the change of management. I’ve seen personally how different the conversations have become. It’s more “let’s ask y’all what you want,” versus, “hmm I think that’s a great idea, of course the youth are going to love it.” That happens, not just with organizations here in Portland, but also bigger organizations with a national focus.

PQ: Outside organizational structures, is there anything the community could or should do differently for queer youth of color?

GM: Show up and just ask, “what can I do?” When you look at many of the civil rights movements, that’s the best role allies have played. It’s showing up and asking how can I be the best help that you guys need right now. When Martin Luther King was trying to bring together everyone, if a white group had come together and said “hey we’re going to start our own organization supporting people of color,” what do you expect would be the realistic outcome? Versus, many of these people did join up with the movement and asked, “how can I be helpful? What can I do? You need me to show up? OK, where?” It’s sounds like a very simple response, but it’s fascinating to see how many times it goes wrong.

PQ: Where can we show up?

GM: In a couple months, Queer Intersections Portland is launching our Heroes Club for individuals who are not youth, but who are interested in supporting our work.

What we tend to do with our programming is allow people we serve to have spaces they sometimes need by themselves before having conversations with everyone.

One thing we envision with our Heroes Club is to not just allow the group to support the cause in any way they want, but to allow these individuals to think about how they can be a good resource, and how they can help our work to better support queer and trans youth of color.

PQ: Those are all the questions I have — is there anything else you want to add?

GM: I want to stress that we’re going to be reducing a lot of our programming in the next six months to slow down and strategize and have a conversation with the community on what the really big needs are. Although we have leadership that represents these ideas, we still wanna make sure we’re asking what queer and trans youth of color want and need, how we can help them, and how people who are just an ally can help.

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February/March 2015 • 25

BOOKS

FAMILY SECRETS TRAVEL WITH YOU: A REVIEW OF SANDIP ROY’S DEBUT NOVEL ‘DON’T LET HIM KNOW’ New America Media, Regina Bediako for PQ Monthly

Two former lovers stand awkwardly in a house in Calcutta, in a room full of junk and dust. They’re quiet, in private thrall to schoolboy memories of what they once were to each other. Then they speak, groping for halting accusations and stark truths about the separate lives they now lead.

“You got away,” one man says to the other, “I got married. That’s just the way it is. It’s just something that happened.”

In this unassuming way, through the lens of life-altering events that, as in the real world, just seem to happen, Sandip Roy’s debut novel Don’t Let Him Know gradually explores the arc of one South Asian family’s experience through a collection of sparkling vignettes. There’s Avinash, the man in that dusty Calcutta room who got married instead of getting away, Romola, his wife, who knows about Avinash’s ill-fated romance and hides one of her own, and Amit, their son, in the dark about his parents’ secrets and struggling to find his place between India, where he was born, and America, where he has chosen to build his life.

Roy weaves together twelve tales that simultaneously stand

on their own and refer to one another, creating a compelling latticework of choices and motivations that reveals the truth: things definitely don’t just happen.

It’s possible to overlook broad universalities like these at first, waylaid as we might be by the urge to apportion a label like “South Asian,” “immigrant,” or “gay” to Don’t Let Him Know. A gay South Asian himself, Roy is well aware of people’s fondness for boxes. At a party in downtown San Francisco celebrating the release of his book, Roy, quick-quipped and warm, jokes about how this awareness came into play when he selected the book’s title: “It didn’t have a word like mango in it.”

But all joking aside, that doesn’t mean he shies away from certain telling references in his work, quite the opposite. As Roy sees it, popular tropes like mangoes and feisty grandmothers exist because of how integral they are to the South Asian experience in the US. And the easy identification of these “niche” themes and the labels that come with them can actually work in favor of a novel aiming for broad appeal. “The hope is that you will fall into many kinds of buckets,” he later explains, “so that they’re slightly confused as to which shelves to put you [on] in the bookstore.”

After living in the US for twenty years, Roy is now based in Calcutta, which makes his current month-long visit to the city he used to call home all the more important. Among

artichoke dip and cups of red wine, he signs books, as several dozen friends shake themselves off from the blustery rain outside, hugging him and then one another. “Sandip in town is a rare event for us,” says one to the group; Roy mirrors his grin. It’s clear that he’s still deeply rooted in San Francisco.

It’s also clear that the themes winding through Don’t Let Him Know are themselves deeply rooted in Roy’s personal stories. Like his character Amit, he once received the “dreaded phone call at the crack of dawn,” bringing him news of a family member’s death. He calls this the “immigrant’s great nightmare, that you wouldn’t be present when someone back home needs you the most. “ Perhaps the poignancy of this experience is what inspires Roy to meditate at length on death in his book. In a third of the stories, Roy lingers upon the tender notes of a Calcutta frieze of loss – relatives who throng the room of the near-dead, bangles forever removed from a wife’s arms, foods no longer eaten out of respect for the departed. What would be an isolating experience faced alone becomes powerful and affirming as it is shared amongst members of a family. When death is dealt with in this way, Roy says, “you are in the midst of life.”

As the party continues, Roy holds court in the middle of the room, reading an excerpt after wrapping up a lively FAMILY SECRETS page 27

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VivaTequilaPDX.com 26 • February/March 2015

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COMMUNITY NEWS

VOICES

OREGON’S LGBTQ MOVEMENT WAS BORN 45 YEARS AGO

By George T. Nicola, GLAPN

member named John Wilkinson disagreed with their decision. John responded to the This year, 2015, marks the 45th birthday anonymous young man with an article in of the Oregon LGBTQ movement’s birth. the February 7, 1970 issue. He suggested that It started when a man tried to place an what was really needed was for gay people ad in a newspaper called the Willamette to get to know each other in a less secretive, more open way. He proposed the formation of something like the Gay Liberation Front that had recently been organized in cities like Berkeley. “It’s up to us, now, to gain the courage to live our lives as we are, without fear, but with openness and excitement.” He ended his letter “I hope to see answers from lots of people in the mail, because there should be very few of us who aren’t reflected in this ad: gay and lonely.”

No one had said that type of thing in the Oregon mass media before that.

Although Portland had a lot of gay bars, homosexual conduct was a crime in 49 states including Oregon. We were essentially pariahs—condemned by the law, by the vast majority of religious leaders, by the mental health profession. So John’s letter sparked enormous interest among many in our community still hiding behind their closet doors. Eventually John started to call organizational meetings. The first of those was held on March 10.

John was soon joined in his efforts by This year, 2015, marks the 45th birthday of the Oregon LGBTQ movement’s Dave Davenport and by lesbian feminist birth.

Holly Hart. With that was born the PortBridge. It read “Gay, longhair, young, lonely, land Gay Liberation Front, the first politiseeks meaningful relationship with same. cally oriented gay organization in our state.

Answer with ad in the Bridge.”

Largely from this start evolved the Oregon The newspaper refused the ad, just as it LGBTQ movement we have today. For more rejected any similar ad regardless of sexual detail, see http://glapn.org/6130nicolagayorientation. But a 21-year-old gay staff movement.html.

FAMILY SECRETS Continued from page 26

Q&A with the group that was interrupted at regular intervals by laughter, his and ours.

He’s chosen a passage from “A Happy Meal,” where we meet an older Romola, back in America and on a hilarious mission to eat at McDonalds for the first time. When he reaches the end of excerpt, he employs a lovely turn of phrase, eliciting murmurs of delight from his listeners.

That sense of delight is multiplied tenfold throughout the novel, thanks to Roy’s attention to the details of setting and character. He wraps us up in Calcutta line by loving line, from a twilight in which stars “appeared encrusted like diamonds in the pink-flushed sky” to “ripe kitchen smells that clung to her mother’s sari – turmeric and sweat and stale talcum powder”; we are steeped in descriptions of sunshine drips, deep-fried aubergine and sindoor-smudged hair parts until they leave us permanently tinged with longing for a world that should be ours, if it isn’t already. “The Scene pqmonthly.com

of the Crime,” “Requiem for a Star,” and “Great-Grandmother’s Mango Chutney” are especially gorgeous standouts among the vignettes, deserving multiple reads.

There is the occasional spare spot in the vivid tapestry of lives Roy gives us. As I closed the book, I remembered feeling puzzled during “A Happy Meal,” in which Romola is again confronted, decades after her first discovery of it, with Avinash’s letter from his male lover – a jarring event that, strangely, isn’t explored at all in the story’s second half. There was also a bit of unintended dislocation in “The Games Boys Play” in trying to understand Avinash’s unexplained grief over the fate of an offscreen character. I wondered further about Avinash – was I unsatisfied with him just because Romola is so dynamic?

But ultimately, I imagine you’ll be left much as I was after finishing Don’t Let Him Know: aching over its successes, then contemplating the stories of your own family.

And in these musings, these ruminations on the things that “just happen” in a life, you’ll feel the tendrils of Roy’s prose.

February/March 2015 • 27

COMMUNITY NEWS

TOWN HALL MEETINGS UNDERWAY AT Q CENTER

Compiled by Daniel Borgen, PQ Monthly

As of this edition’s print date, Q Center has held two well-attended town hall forums to address past challenges and future progress at Q Center. New leadership—interim and otherwise—has made good on its promise to facilitate open, honest, frank conversations—some have been difficult, many more have been healing and productive.

These town hall forums have also served to show the precarious financial state Q Center has existed in—and continues to exist in. Interim leadership is tasked with building a financially solvent, long-lasting community center— no easy task.

To summarize the meetings: It currently takes approximately $40,000 per month to run the Q Center. Out of that cost, expenses such are payroll, health insurance, payroll taxes, the mortgage and operating expenses are paid. The Q Center is currently operating at a 50% deficit every month. Much of the commentary and dialogue during town halls has consisted of members of the community wanting to know what the former Executive Director earned ($70,000 annually), if there was inappropriate usage of the Q Centers finances, and who is currently reviewing and handling the finances. The interim board members assured the community they have found no

28 • February/March 2015

evidence of inappropriate handling of monies, but did say there was clearly mismanagement— and, moreover, simply a lack of money to operate successfully.

CPA Susan Nestor is working pro-bono to determine the true financial status of the Q Center and stated that the Q Center is in triage mode.

Interim board member LeAnn Locher: “So many of the questions we’ve heard have and are the same questions we in the interim board have asked. To many of them, we have more clarity than we did when we started this. But there’s still more to unpack, and for an organization with a history of being closed off from its own community, I hope we are demonstrating—walking the talk—of what’s going on right now: shining a light on the wrongs of the past, bringing in community to give voice and guide the future, all the while triaging crisis.”

At the second town hall meeting: The evening opened with an introduction by Leila Hofstein, followed by moving statements from interim board members Antoinette Edwards and Devon Rose Davis. Both speakers addressed concerns that many communities in the past—including communities of color, transgender people, people with disabilities, young people, and the elderly—had felt excluded at Q Center. Edwards said Q Center had been “not welcoming or relevant to certain communities” but that “that concept no longer exists.” Davis said it was the board’s commitment to “steer Q to the right side of history on these issues,” stressing the concept of “anti-oppression” as a guiding principle.

These statements were followed by a thorough presentation from Susan Nestor about Q Center’s financial state.

Nestor, a retired CPA with lengthy experience assisting nonprofits such as OPB and the Equity Foundation, laid out in great detail the perilous state in which the previous leadership had left Q Center’s finances. When the interim board assumed the reins, Nestor said, the organization was $96,000 in the red, the electricity was about to be turned off, and the copier repossessed.

The problem, Nestor showed, was not rising expenses, but, rather, a precipitous drop in fundraising, particularly in the final quarter of 2014, when expenses were almost

triple the organization’s income. Nestor explained the challenges currently facing Q Center financially, including a sizable mortgage and a non-negotiable $25,000 fee for a fundraising event at the Nines Hotel in March, but also shared news of Q’s recent fundraising successes, relating that they’d collected $82,000 in January, more than doubling the month’s expenses.

Comments and questions surrounding inclusion and exclusion spanned a great deal of topics. Some recurrent themes involved the importance of transparency on the part of the board and leadership, a desire on the part of affinity group members to feel more connected to Q Center as a whole, and the establishment of inclusionary committees and accountability processes. A few members of the 55 and older *eRa* group spoke movingly of the group’s importance in helping them build community. A moment of levity came when Phylicia Daria McGowan used her turn at the mic to invite those assembled to a bingo fundraiser the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence will hold at Q Center on March 28th.

The town halls have not been without their heated moments. One came via an attendee who identified herself as a “woman born woman” and expressed a concern that she would be “excluded” from meeting with other “women born women” at Q Center.

The term “woman born woman” has a long, painful history for trans women. Cis women who have organized events excluding trans women in the past have established “women born women only” rules, which functioned in a segregationist way. The Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival, which for decades has excluded trans women, and which has been denounced by Equality Michigan and the HRC, has used a “women born women only” policy, as did the recent Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist (TERF) led Radfems Respond conference held in Portland. Interim Board Member Davis, who is herself a trans woman, informed the speaker there is little chance “a group which is not a trans affirming group will be welcome at Q Center.” Later on, Q Center employee Neola Young stated forcefully that until the center had written policies that said racism and hatred were not allowed there, the center would not say it had safe space and protection policies.

The meetings have ended on a positive note, with both the interim board and community members thanking each other for coming together—and creating not only an open dialogue about the Q Centers damaged image and financial state, but also allowing everyone’s voice to be heard and share in the rebuilding of the Q Center. Everyone at PQ Monthly supports these efforts, and we praise the interim leadership for having difficult conversations—and for living up to their promise of transparency. The only way Q Center will endure is if we all contribute to its success.

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SEE AND BE SEEN

PHOTOS

We want to see more of you! Do you have photos you’d like to share in the pages of PQ Monthly? Send your photos along with a photo credit and caption to info@pqmonthly.com, post them on our Facebook page, or tag PQ Monthly in them.

Featured: Photos taken at LookBook, PQ Monthly’s January Press Party, and the Superstar Divas MegaShow.

Photos by Eric Sellers and Nestor Miranda

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February/March 2015 • 29

QUEER APERTURE Through his Queer Aperture project, photographer Jeffrey Horvitz has spent years documenting the LGBTQ communities of Portland, San Francisco, Seattle, and Vancouver, B.C. He’s well aware that a picture paints a whole mess of words, but here he offers a few actual words to better acquaint us with his dynamic subjects.

What is your name?

Kevin Irving

Favorite book?

“Never Let Me Go” by Kazuo Ishiguro

How long have you lived in Portland?

1.5 years

Favorite movie?

Right now- Birdman

What is the first time you noticed that gayness existed?

Oh, I think I was probably 7 or 8

Favorite word?

Ellipsis

What would you consider a guilty pleasure?

Laying by a pool for hours on end

Least favorite word?

Budget

Your having a dinner party of 6, whom would you invite?

My partner of 24 years, Nicolo Fonte, and Michael Sam, Debbie Harry, John Waters and to keep it interesting – Condi Rice

Favorite swear word?

Motherfucker

What would you consider a perfect meal?

Lots of salad, gooey & sharp cheeses, some delicious pasta & something with chocolate for dessert

If you could with a snap of a finger what would be another profession you would like to do?

I wish I could sing

What would be a perfect day off?

Ferry ride to Fire Island, cocktails after a swim

Whom would you like to meet dead or alive?

Shakespeare—if he actually existed

What is your profession?

Artistic Director of the Oregon Ballet Theatre

PHOTO BY JEFFREY HORVITZ

30 • February/March 2015

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