PQ Monthly: January/February 2013 Issue

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‘I LOVE TO EAT’ MARVEL BULLYING SCHOOL AS JUNGLE BIG GAY BEARD

PQMONTHLY.COM Vol. 2 No. 1 Jan./Feb. 2013 QUEER AMERICA

AN EVENING WITH OREGON’S

8 THINGS YOU CAN DO TO HELP WIN

MARRIAGE EQUALITY

Photos by Jeffrey Horvitz, PQ Monthly

MONTHLY

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TURN THE PAGE

PQ TEAM

Well, don’t turn it just yet.

What a year 2012 was! We don’t want to dwell on it too much (you know, turning the page and all), but we suspect that as our collective hindsight creeps closer and closer to 20/20, the LGBTQ community and our allies will come to see 2012 as a turning point for queer rights and acceptance.

But enough basking. In 2013 we resolve to get even better at telling our community’s stories and representing its gorgeous diversity. What would you like to see in PQ this year? Chime in via email (info@pqmonthly.com), message us on Facebook or Twitter, or chat us up in person at one of our press parties (the third Thursday of every month).

Speaking of parties, a quick plug for our first anniversary — and El Hispanic News’ 32nd! — next month: the last year has been such a beautiful blur that we’re having trouble believing PQ Monthly had its big coming out last February. However, the calendar (and our growing stack of archives) are telling us it’s time for a little extra celebration at our next press party on Feb. 21, 5 p.m. to 7 p.m., at Portland City Hall, followed by an after-party at the one and only Embers! We very much hope to see you there, because if you’re reading these words, you’re officially part of what’s made this last year possible.

OK — now you can turn the page.

MONTHLY

Melanie Davis

Owner/Publisher melanie@pqmonthly.com

Gabriela Kandziora

Principal & Business Development

gabriela@pqmonthly.com

julie cortez

Editor-in-Chief julie@pqmonthly.com

chris alvarez

Art Director chris@pqmonthly.com

editorial TEAM daniel borgen

Staff Writer/Calendar Editor daniel@pqmonthly.com

nick mattos

Staff Writer nick@pqmonthly.com

erin rook

Web Editor/Writer erin@pqmonthly.com

SALES TEAM

-The PQ Monthly Team

larry lewis

Sales Representative larry@pqmonthly.com

lynda Wilkinson Sales Representative lynda@pqmonthly.com

Jonathan Reitan

Sales Representative jonathan@pqmonthly.com

Photo by Jules Garza, PQ Monthly

COVER IMAGE: We shudder (in the good, tingly way) to think how many booties have been shaken thanks to the ladies on our cover.

Read more about (left to right) Katey Pants, Monika London, Mary Charming, Pauline Miriam, and Joyce Schlitz on pages 20-23.

Photo by Jeffrey Horvitz, PQ Monthly

Ernesto Domínguez was among our favorite local activists in 2012 — search for his name on our website and you’ll see why. Who will stepping up in 2013?

zeb walter

Sales Representative zeb@pqmonthly.com

photographers

A SMATTERING OF WHAT YOU’LL FIND INSIDE:

jules garza

Staff Photographer jules@pqmonthly.com

izzy ventura

Two steps forward for trans healthcare in Oregon.............................................................................................................. page 6 Eight things you can do right now to help win marriage equality.................................................................................... page 8

Staff Photographer izzy@pqmonthly.com

Marvel Queer America captures stories of courage......................................................................................................... page 13

media

School as jungle: Primate behavior, human nature, and bullying.................................................................................... page 14

Director of Video Productions

Good grief: Practical tips for facing the loss of a loved one............................................................................................. page 17

Sammi Rivera

web Jenny Stoffel WebMeister

503.228.3139

proudqueer.com

Hot Flash kicks off 10th year with a nod to the next generation....................................................................................... page 20 Pants and Charming on parties, gay bars, and guilty pleasures...................................................................................... page 22 Monika London: Lost (and found) in the music................................................................................................................... page 23 ‘I Love to Eat’ celebrates Portland’s big gay Beard............................................................................................................ page 25 Curling up for the winter: Books to get you through the rainy months.............................................................................. page 28

The National Advertising Representative of PQ Monthly IS Rivendell Media, Inc. Brilliant Media LLC, DBA El Hispanic NEws & PQ Monthly.

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Columns: Matters of Faith; The Home Front; The Lady Chronicles; Everything is Connected; Whiskey & Sympathy; Ponderlust, Purple Elbows; Cultivating Life; and Eat, Drink, and Be Mary. Plus This Month in Queer History, Astroscopes, Queer Aperture, See and Be Seen … and more!

January/February 2013 •

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NEWS BRIEFS

BREVITY ROCKS! NEWS FROM NEAR AND FAR

(Left to right) Portland phenom Megan Rapinoe will play with the Seattle Reign (photo by UP Athletics). Laura Calvo has been elected to the Democratic National Committee. Asian Pacific Islander Pride will hold its annual Lunar New Year Banquet on Feb. 16 (photo by Izzy Ventura, PQ Monthly).

LOCAL Olympic Gold Medalist and gay Portlander Megan Rapinoe has been signed to the Seattle Reign women’s soccer team. Though her local fans were hoping she’d play for the home team, the Portland Thorns are already considered a top team (with the Twitterverse predicting they’ll win the league’s first season). With powerhouse forward Alex Morgan (who scored the U.S team’s winning goal at the 2012 London Olympics and ranks with Mia Hamm) as well as Olympic Bronze Medalist (Canada) and University of Portland alum Christie Sinclair on the team, soccer fans are already complaining that Portland’s deck is stacked.

Portlander Laura Calvo recently became the first transgender woman ever elected to the Democratic National Committee. Calvo has a number of roles in the Democratic Party of Oregon, including LGBT Caucus treasurer, Multnomah County Democrats treasurer, and board member of the National Stonewall Democrats. She is also the recipient of the 2008 Pride NW Spirit of Pride Award and the 2010 International Foundation for Gender Education Trinity Award for her contributions to the community.

Amy Ruiz, former chief of staff (and communications director and LGBTQ liaison) for Mayor Sam Adams, will be heading up Basic Rights Oregon’s communications team.

BRO’s current communication manager, Shauna Ballo, will leave the position (which was initially meant to be temporary) for other adventures Jan. 18.

The Rose City Rollers are holding a fundraiser Jan. 28 at 7 p.m. at Oaks Park Skating Rink for super fan Kanna, who has been battling cancer and is unable to work. The fundraiser will include live music by Dirty Looks, a hip hop dance performance by Portland Swagger, a silent auction, bake sale, and skating all for a $5 sliding scale donation ($3 for children).

Q Center presents its 2013 Winter Gala “Fire and Ice” Jan. 26 at Castaway Portland. Hosted by KGW Newschannel 8’s Reggie Aqui and Stephanie Stricklen, the event will include a performance by two-time Grammy Award Winner Matt Alber. VIP entry begins at 6 p.m., with general admission at 7 p.m. Tickets are $175 for VIP, $125 for general admission, and $35 for the after party (9:30 p.m.11:30 p.m.).

Asian Pacific Islander Pride celebrates the Year of the Snake with its annual Lunar New Year Banquet, Feb. 16, pqmonthly.com

from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. The event is open to LGBTQ folks and their allies and will feature food and performances. Admission is $15 in advance, $20 at the door (no one turned away for lack of funds). For more info, visit api-pride.blogspot. com or email apipride@gmail.com.

Basic Rights Education Fund is throwing a party — cleverly dubbed “YTK” — to celebrate the historic inauguration of Oregon Speaker of the House Tina Kotek at Holocene on Jan. 22, from 7 to 10 p.m. with DJ Mexxx Tape. $20 suggested donation, all proceeds benefit BREF. Our House presents its 25th annual “Prom Night” benefit auction Feb. 16 at the Portland Art Museum. The fundraising event is co-chaired by Gary Nelson and Minh Tran and emceed by Dale Johannes and will feature special performances throughout the evening. Tickets are $200 and available online until Feb. 6. For more info, visit ourhousepdx.ejoinme.org.

It’s that time of the year again for the annual HerHRC dance event, Feb. 17 at Lola’s Room with DJ Anjali spinning Bhangra music and teaching the dance moves to go with it. The event also includes a break-dancing contest with a $100 cash prize, as well as an auction. The party starts at 7 p.m.; tickets are $10. For more info, visit hrc.org/herhrc.

To register for the break-dancing contest, email Shaley at shashers@comcast.net.

In observance of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day (Jan. 21), the Human Rights Campaign, the Sexual and Gender Minority Youth Resource Center (SMYRC), and Q Center are collecting care items to distribute to homeless LGBTQ youth. The organizations are seeking both volunteers and donations (unopened travel-size toiletries, small winter accessories, first aid supplies, and new reusable water bottles). For more information contact Gregg Moreland at morelandg@gmail.com or Linda Brown at browngm@ aol.com.

Boot Weekend, a celebration of bootblacking culture, kicks off in Portland on Friday, Feb. 8 with a dance party at Crush featuring DJ Darkcloud. Boot blacks are welcome to bring their kits and work for tips. On Saturday, The Sindicate will offer workshops from noon to 6 p.m. followed by the queer play party Dirty Playground from 8 p.m. to 2 a.m. or Fur Fuck at Hawks PDX. On Sunday, a brunch will be held from noon to 2 p.m. at Sunshine Tavern on Division, followed by an after brunch hump at Hawks PDX ($7 lockers for male-identified Bootweekend attendees). For more info, visit bootweekend.weebly.com

The Colin Higgins Foundation is currently accepting nominations for its 2013 Youth Courage Awards. The $10,000 grants are given to LGBTQ youth activists (18 and under) who have triumphed over bigotry. Deadline for nominations is Feb. 28. For more information visit colinhiggins.org.

NATIONAL The Violence Against Women Act is still up in the air after the 112th Congress failed to reauthorize an updated version of the legislation that provides funding for law enforcement and support services. The new version of the act contained expanded protections for LGBTQ survivors of domestic violence — sorely needed when, according to the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs, 45 percent of LGBTQ survivors have turned away from shelters and 55 percent were denied protection orders. The 113th Congress is expected to re-introduce the act, however, and advocates at Bradley Angle reassure supporters that existing services will not be affected because the VAWA will continue in its 2005 version until further action is taken. That said, domestic violence services are still in a precarious position due to the budget crisis. To learn more, contact Bradley Angle at bradlyangle.org.

Momentum is building nationwide for the freedom to marry. From recent headlines: As of press time, two House Republicans supported the now 160 co-cosponsor strong Respect for Marriage Act (to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act). President Barack Obama has endorsed Rhode Island’s marriage equality bill. The Marines Corps has told spouses’ clubs that they must include same-sex spouses. The National Cathedral will begin performing same-sex wedding ceremonies. Marriage equality bills have been filed in the Illinois House and Senate. Oral arguments for the U.S. Supreme Court cases pertaining to marriage equality are scheduled for March 26 (Windsor) and March 27 (Prop 8).

WORLD Anti-gay activist Scott Lively (best known to Oregonians as the former membership director for Oregon Citizens Alliance) was in court Jan. 7 standing trial in a lawsuit brought against him for oppressing LGBTQ Ugandans.

The Center for Constitutional Rights filed suit against the Abiding Truth Ministries president in March on behalf of the LGBTQ rights umbrella group Sexual Minorities Uganda. Lively is accused of persecuting LGBTQ Ugandans through his involvement in anti-LGBTQ legislation (aka “The Kill the Gays Bill”).

January-February 2013 •

NEWS

OREGON LAW PROTECTS TRANS HEALTHCARE RIGHTS health problems for me by restricting my breathing and causing inflammation in the wall of my lungs. As a result, I ended up in the emergency room several times for shortness of breath and chest pain. Doctors told me the only solution was to stop binding, but the surgery I needed ended up being the same cost as my emergency room visits.

Transgender exclusions in insurance policies are a lose-lose proposition, and I’m glad they’re coming to an end.”

According to the OID bulletin, insurers are prohibited from doing any of the following: rejecting an application for insurance coverage based on gender identity; charging trans folks different rates or premiums; classifying “gender identity disorder” or “gender dysphoria” (GI/GD) as a disqualifying pre-existing condition; denying coverage for a procedure that is provided for the treatment of other conditions or illnesses (such as hormone therapy, mastectomy, or vocal training); catePhoto courtesy of BRO gorically denying coverage of GI/GD; Trans health insurance coverage: Basic Rights Oregon Trans Justice Program Manager tash shatz calls the decision a “sea change.” denying mental health coverage for GI/ GD-related issue in adults; and denying sex-specific care (such as pap smears

By Erin Rook PQ Monthly and prostate exams).

Antoinette Sparkles, a 30-year-old trans woman, says Transgender individuals are routinely denied medically- that while she may not benefit from the clarification directly, necessary health care based solely on their gender identity. she is encouraged by the bulletin’s potential to influence But now, denying care to a trans person that is available to not only healthcare access but public attitudes.

“These changes don’t directly affect me, because I am other people will be treated as discrimination, according to a bulletin from the Oregon Insurance Division clarify- currently uninsured, and I believe many other members of the community are as well,” Sparkles said. “It is hard ing the state’s 2007 non-discrimination law.

The clarification was issued on Dec. 19, more than five to imagine that the social attitude towards trans*-related years after the passage of the non-discrimination law and health issues will not be affected by these changes, howfollowing pressure from BRO’s Trans Working Group and complaints from transgender Oregonians denied coverage of medical treatments on the basis of their gender identity. While it’s not clear how the bulletin will affect federally-managed insurance programs such as Medicare and Medicaid (Oregon Health Plan), it does apply to all private insurers transacting in Oregon.

“This is, I think, a huge victory for the transgender community in Oregon. This is really making clear what trans folks know – that we deserve equal healthcare access,” said Basic Rights Oregon‘s trans justice manager tash shatz. “It’s such an incredible thing that it’s kind of hard to describe how big a deal it is.”

Though 16 states and Washington, D.C., prohibit discrimination on the basis of gender identity and expression, only California and Oregon have protections specific to medical care. In 2006, the Transgender Law Center helped pass California’s Insurever, and that will definitely be a positive change that I will ance Gender Nondiscrimination Act. “For me, this coverage is preventive health care,” Trans be able to enjoy.”

She has some concerns about the language in the bulJustice Working Group member Ray Crider said in a release.

“As a transgender man, part of my daily routine is binding letin, but figures it’s a good first step. my chest to create a masculine appearance. This created trans healthcare rights page 10 • January-February 2013

OREGON HEALTH PLAN TO COVER MEDICAL CARE FOR TRANS YOUTH

By Erin Rook PQ Monthly

While trans activists wait to see how the recent Oregon Insurance Division decision will affect federally-managed insurance programs (Medicare and Medicaid), they have secured a significant victory for trans and gender non-conforming children and youth.

TransActive Education & Advocacy announced Jan. 11 that the Oregon Health Plan and its Healthy Kids Program will begin covering medically-necessary care for young people experiencing gender dysphoria on Oct. 1, 2014, making Oregon the first state to Photo by Erin Rook, PQ Monthly ensure coverage of trans kids under Medicaid. TransActive Executive Director Jenn Burleton In addition to mental health counseling and pediatric evaluation, the state plan includes procedures, medication, and follow-up monitoring related to the suppression of puberty. For transgender children, pubertal changes that contradict gender identity can be traumatic to experience and difficult to reverse later in life.

“Pubertal suppression provides transgender adolescents the option of avoiding unwanted, irreversible, and deeply distressing changes that come with birth-sex pubertal development,” TransActive Executive Director Jenn Burleton said in a release. “Far too often trans adolescents experience increased suicidal ideation as a result of these changes and the indifference of others about the impact these changes have on trans youth.”

But treatments, while effective, aren’t cheap. Out-ofpocket costs for pubertal suppression treatment can reach $1,000 a month, Burleton says, making it impossible for many families to afford this life-saving care.

“Thanks to this common sense, safe, and medically-recommended action by the Oregon Health Plan, lives will be saved,” Burleton said. “TransActive is extremely grateful to have been able to play a part in this victory.”

Specifically, the OHP will cover hormonal treatment to delay the onset or continuation of puberty in gender questioning children and adolescents no earlier than Tanner stage 2-3. A comprehensive mental health evaluation is required, and ongoing psychological care is recommended.

The policy change comes after more than a year of meetings with the OHP Values-based Benefits Subcommittee, TransActive’s Advisory Board, and the Basic Rights Oregon Trans Justice Working Group. The advisory board is comprised of a number of healthcare advocates and experts including Burleton, Aubrey Harrison, Heidi Allen, Ph.D. (Columbia University), Carol Blenning, M.D. (Family Practice-Oregon Health & Science University), Bruce Boston, M.D. (Chief-Pediatric Endocrinology, Oregon Health & Science University), Sheryl Rindel, LPC, NCC (Client Services Program Manager, TransActive), and Karin Selva, M.D. (Pediatric Endocrinology, Randall Children’s Hospital).

Based in Portland, TransActive is the only organization providing comprehensive support service for trans and gender non-conforming children and their families in the United States. For more information, visit transactiveonline.org. pqmonthly.com

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January-February 2013 •

NEWS

EIGHT THINGS YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW TO WIN MARRIAGE EQUALITY IN OREGON

Securing marriage for all takes activism, mobilization, education, and funding — all of which you can help with right this minute.

By Nick Mattos PQ Monthly

Do you want all Oregonians to have the right to marry?

With the help of Basic Rights Oregon — the state’s leading advocate for marriage equality — we’ve assembled eight simple things that you can do right this minute to help Oregon be the first state to vote out a constitutional amendment limiting the freedom to marry.

1) Tell your story. Call a friend, family member, or acquaintance — perhaps one you haven’t spoken to in awhile — and talk with them frankly and openly about the issue of marriage equality. “We know that 20 to 30 percent of people nationwide continue to waver in their position on marriage,” says Peter Zuckerman, media manager for Basic Rights Oregon (BRO). “These friends, neighbors and family members are not the opposition. They are good and fair people who are undecided on this issue.… As more and more people talk to gay and lesbian friends and family about why marriage matters, they’re coming to realize that this is not a political issue. This is about love, commitment, and family.… When Oregonians understand that we want to make a lifelong commitment to the person we love — and marry that person so we [can] care for and protect our loved one — we gain support for the freedom to marry.

That’s why we need to tell our stories.”

1) Pledge your support. BRO’s “Love. Commitment.

Marriage.” initiative asks supporters to sign an online pledge as an affirmation of their support of the efforts to make Oregon the first state to overturn a constitutional ban on marriage, and to make a commitment to have at least 10 conversations about why marriage matters. For more information and to sign the pledge, go to LoveCommitmentMarriage.org 3) “Like” Basic Rights Oregon on Facebook and follow • January-February 2013

Photos by Julie Cortez, PQ Monthly

them on Twitter (@BasicRights). “By becoming our Facebook fan and Twitter follower,” Zuckerman explains, “you get to be in the first group of people who learn what we are up to. You learn how to become more engaged, you help us organize, and you help us ensure that all gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Oregonians experience equality.”

Equality: Queer Critiques of Gay Marriage” (2010: Against Equality Press) assembles essays from noted queer theorists such as Kate Bornstein and Mattilda Berinstein Sycamore, considering marriage equality in the light of its potential repercussions for queer people and the larger fight for equality.

4) Share your thoughts on marriage equality via social media. Researchers at Facebook, Cornell, and the University of Michigan recently cited that the average Facebook user has 234 friends; while many of these are likely folks that the given user sees day-to-day, most are connected to many people from their school histories and past jobs that they may not interact with frequently. Sharing your thoughts on marriage equality — especially the reasons as to why the issue is personal for you — can help to put a human face on the issue, a critical part of changing people’s minds and hearts about the importance of the freedom to marry.

6) Sign up to volunteer. Volunteers with organizations such as BRO do direct grassroots action to promote equality.

Opportunities are available in a wide array of roles, including phone banking, direct voter outreach, video projects, data entry, and participation in committees. The victory for marriage equality in Washington alone involved over 30,000 volunteer hours. Even if you can only spare an hour a week (or even a month), every little bit of volunteer engagement can make a major impact for the future of marriage.

5) Read a book. Arming yourself with a diverse array of facts, resources, and viewpoints on marriage by reading up on the subject can help you to feel more confident about discussing marriage equality and discuss it in a more compelling way. “When Gay People Get Married: What Happens When Societies Legalize Same-Sex Marriage” by M. V. Lee Badgett (2010: NYU Press) provides a thorough and readable primer on the current state of the marriage equality debate while providing valuable new insights into the political, social, and personal stakes involved — critical for anyone who wants to speak lucidly as to why marriage equality matters. Bestselling author Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace With Marriage” (2010: Penguin) considers the role of marriage in a wide variety of cultures, contexts, and configurations, giving a lucid illustration as to why marriage is both a malleable construct and a critically important right for all people. For a consideration of the other sides of the argument, “Against

7) Donate. Campaigning for marriage equality took cash — in Washington, the effort to secure marriage for all took over $11 million. In order to execute the goal of marriage for all here in Oregon, BRO and other such organizations need your financial support. BRO in particular has several different options for the recipients of your gifts, some of which are even fully tax-deductible.

8) Report discrimination and hate crimes. Reporting acts of anti-gay violence and bias isn’t just a means to reclaim your voice after an atrocity — it can also help raise awareness of LGBTQ issues and spark conversations about human rights, including marriage for all. The data collected when reporting discrimination and hate crimes also drives enforcement and helps organizations such as BRO to understand where more education and outreach is needed, ultimately securing a safer and more equitable environment for all.

For more information and resources on the efforts to secure marriage in Oregon, go to BasicRights.org. pqmonthly.com

NEWS

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January-February 2013 •

NEWS

IN MEMORIAM: JEANNE MANFORD (1920-2013)

Jeanne Manford Courtesy of PFLAG

Jeanne Manford, mother of gay rights activist Morty Manford, pioneering straight ally in the gay rights movement, and the founder of PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), died at her home in Daly City, Calif., on Jan. 8. She was 92.

Manford had been in declining health, according to her daughter, Suzanne Swan.

Manford was born Jeanne Sobelson on Dec. 4, 1920, in Flushing, Queens, New York. One of five sisters, she and her husband, Dr. Jules Manford, had three children: Charles (who passed away in 1966), her son Morty (who passed away in 1992), and her daughter Suzanne (who survives her). It was her outspoken support of Morty during a gay rights march in New York in 1972 that led Manford on a 40-year journey of outspoken activism for equal rights for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people.

Manford became active on behalf of gay rights after the police failed to intervene while Morty was kicked and beaten during a Gay Activists Alliance demonstration in April 1972. She wrote a letter to the editor of the New York Post, which was published in the April 29, 1972, issue, expressing her outrage at the incident. In that letter she also

trans healthcare rights Continued from page

“There seems to be a lot of equivalence language used that may imply that any care that would be considered trans* exclusive, which is to say only procedures or medicine that a person would seek if they were trans*, may be unprotected,” Sparkles said. “Trying to equate one set of health care needs to another as a way of determining appropriate care seems a little bit ridiculous to me.”

Only time will tell how well the changes protect transgender folks and how adept insurance companies are at finding loopholes. In the meantime, trans folks are encouraged to file a complaint if they believe their insurance provider has discriminated against them.

10 • January-February 2013

stated, “I have a homosexual son and I love him.”

The statement sparked much public response and drew attention to violence against gays.

In June of 1972 Manford joined her son in the Christopher Street Liberation Day Parade (predecessor to NYC Gay Pride Parade), carrying a placard stating, “Parents of Gays: Unite in Support of our Children.” She assumed the cheers and encouragement heard from the crowd were for Dr. Benjamin Spock, who walked just behind her and her son. It wasn’t until parade participants began to approach her and express gratitude for her presence with hugs and tears, asking Manford to speak with their own parents to help them understand, that she realized the cheers were for her and her open support of gay children.

The Manfords had been discussing organizing a support group for parents of gay children; these events convinced them such a group was needed. About 20 people attended the first meeting at the Metropolitan Community Church on March 11, 1973. At first the group called itself “Parents of Gays,” or “POG.” The group sought to give parents a place to ask questions, talk about their issues, and begin to better understand their children. Groups developed across New York and in other major American cities as the gay rights movement as a whole developed, and all the while Jeanne and her husband Jules spoke out for their cause through television, newspaper, and radio interviews.

By the early 1980s, the group formally established itself as a national organization fighting for equality for LGBT people. At about that time the name of the organization was changed to “Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays” (PFLAG).

PFLAG is now an international organization of parents, family members, and friends working for understanding and support of their gay, lesbian, transgender, and bisexual loved ones.

In addition to her daughter Suzanne, Manford is survived by her son-in-law, Richard Swan, her granddaughter, Avril Swan, Avril’s husband, Stuart Streepy, and great-granddaughters Clara, Grace, and Jules.

“I will miss my mother tremendously,” Suzanne Swan said. “She is known to thousands of people as the mother of the straight ally movement, but to me she was my mother. She was someone who would always do the right thing, the good thing. She supported all people, and that meant so much to us growing up.”

A private service will be held and details of a later celebration of Jeanne Manford’s life and legacy will be announced. The family requests that any donations be made to the Jeanne Manford Legacy Fund to support the ongoing work of PFLAG National: 1828 L Street, NW, Suite 660, Washington, DC, 20036.

Complaints can be filed online (cbs.state. or.us) or via a printed form. Once a complaint has been submitted, companies are required to respond to complaints within 21 days, said Ron Fredrickson of the Oregon Insurance Division’s Complaints Department.

“Once we get a response back, an advocate decides whether or not the insurer is in compliance. If they are in violation, we get good resolution for consumer,” Fredrickson says. “If we find that the company engaged in practice in violation of the law, we can investigate whether other consumers have been affected.”

Penalties for violating state law can include fines, but Fredrickson says the ultimate objective is changing behaviors and ensuring consumers are treated fairly.

“I think that any kind of clarification of law of

this magnitude in terms of impact for a community is going to take some time to implement,” shatz said. “The good thing is this is coming from the insurance division.… I think it bodes really well for the implementation of it.”

The clarification bring all insurers doing business in the state in line with a number of Oregon businesses who have pushed for inclusive coverage in their company plans, including Oregon Health & Science University (OHSU), New Seasons, the National College of Natural Medicine, Portland State University, Progressive Insurance, Starbucks, IBM, and Microsoft.

“This clarification is indicative of a sea change on the issue where more and more people are understanding that transition-related care is something that shouldn’t really be excluded,” shatz said. “The tide is really turning.”

PFLAG is the original family and straight ally organization. Made up of parents, families, friends, and straight allies uniting with LGBT people, PFLAG is committed to advancing equality through its mission of support, education, and advocacy. Now entering its 40th year, PFLAG has more than 350 chapters and 200,000 supporters crossing multiple generations of American families in major urban centers, small cities, and rural areas in all 50 states. To learn more, visit pflag.org.

THIS MONTH IN QUEER HISTORY JANUARY

1706 – Castration is no longer a penalty for sodomy in Pennsylvania.

1829 – William Maxwell is the last English sailor to be hanged for sodomy.

1868 – Colorado prohibits individuals convicted of sodomy from voting, holding office, jury service, and giving testimony.

1913 – Oregon amends its sodomy law, expanding it to include all acts “sexual perversity,” including erotica. (By contrast, 100 years later, Portland’s X-rated open mic night “Dirty Queer” celebrates its 6th anniversary.)

1919 – The California Supreme Court strikes down a law against fellatio and cunnilingus because it is concerned people don’t know what the Latin words mean. This stands for five years until (in January 1924) an appellate court rules that the English-language euphemistic expression “an assault to commit the crime against nature” works because everyone totally knows what that means.

In related news, in 1941 the Rhode Island Supreme Court rules that being called a “cocksucker” in anger is not slander … without actually using the word “cocksucker” in the opinion. Instead, it calls the word “a filthy term meaning coition by one man with another per os.”

1949 – The Utah Supreme Court argues in favor of “treatment” for homosexuality rather than penalties for sodomy in the first such opinion in the United States to reference sexologist Alfred Kinsey.

1952 – The Montana Supreme Court rules that spanking is not sodomy, and therefore not illegal.

1953 – Civil rights leader Bayard Rustin is arrested for having sex with another man in Los Angeles.

1957 – A Montana man gets a retrial after the state’s Supreme Court rules his sodomy conviction was based solely on the fact that he spent a lot of time with his partner. In other words, he seemed gay so they figured he must be breaking the law.

1957 – The American Civil Liberties Union writes in a position paper that it supports sodomy laws.

1958 – A Texas appellate court says the state can try sodomy defendants without an attorney.

1961 – The New Jersey Supreme Court adds practicing law to the list of things gay people can’t do when it suspends an attorney who had gay sex until he is “cured” of his homosexuality.

1992 – The Idaho Court of Appeals says that life in prison is a permissible and acceptable punishment for private, consensual sodomy.

Compiled by Erin Rook, PQ Monthly.

Source: The Sodomy Calendar, Gay and Lesbian Archives of the Pacific Northwest. pqmonthly.com

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January-February 2013 • 11

MATTERS OF FAITH A NEW LEAF

By Genko Rainwater

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January is named after the Greek god Janus, the one who looks forward and back, the hinge of the year. He represents gates and doors, beginnings and endings, and is hence represented with a double-faced head, looking in opposite directions. It seems natural in January to look back on the year past and tot up what didn’t quite work for us and then to look forward to this clean new calendar with its new leaf and envision something different. In addition, winter is a time of resting and silence, a time when we often find some space from constant activity. It seems an ideal time to look within, to see who we really aspire to be and how we really want to live our lives.

And so there is a common practice in January of New Year’s resolutions. These have become a bit of a standing cynical joke, a cliché, where all these well-intentioned resolutions are kept for a day, a week, maybe even a month, and then are forgotten in the press of renewed activity and distractions. And yet, there is something deeply true about the impulse toward stating aspirations, intentions, vow.

In Zen Buddhism, which I practice, we work with vows as a limited-time practice.

We use them as part of a continuing effort to focus the mind. For example a common resolution is to go on a diet. When I came up against the reality that I have to change my habits around sugar and carbs or risk diabetes, I created a vow for myself that looks at hunger, desire, and greed and how they function in my life. That opened a way to focus attention and inquiry around a broad area and taught me a lot. I discovered that all of these things, which I wouldn’t have even admitted to a few years ago, are alive and well and working with me. I discovered, in fact, a lot of ways that I fail to uphold my own highest aspirations and intentions.

Does this mean that I failed in keeping my vow? You could look at it that way, but I consider it a resounding success in what I’ve been able to learn. And, oh yes, by the way, my habits around sugar and other carbs are slowly changing in a lasting way.

In one of the prison meditation groups I facilitate we are beginning our annual Winter Term Vows. We spent a month talking about what vows are and what they are not, and then held a ceremony where we shared our vows with each other and then laid the written cards on the altar for the evening. All of these elements — writing them down, sharing them with others, and creating a ceremony around them — increase the possibility that the vows will have lasting effects. At the end of the evening, each

person took their own card to keep with their belongings as a daily reminder. We will continue to check in with each other during these two months to see how it’s going.

Several people vowed to increase their meditation time. Our form of meditation is a way to stop, to bring awareness into our lives. This allows more time and space to notice how things are going, to pay attention to our own inner wisdom of how things work and our highest aspirations for our lives. Increased meditation is foundational, and it supports our other intentions.

Ideally, a vow is not just a turning away from something, but also a turning toward — really it is a shift in direction. As a ship in a large ocean can make a very small change to a new heading, over time this small change makes a large difference in where we end up. Ultimately, making real changes in our lives is a slow process. Habit energy is extremely strong, and impossible to overcome with the will alone. It is important to cultivate a new, healthier habit to replace an old unhealthy one. How to do this without guilt and judgment, which aren’t helpful, is the challenge we are faced with.

Making vows, of course, can happen any day, even any moment of our lives. In Zen we say that we die and are born each moment. Who we are in this moment is conditioned by who we have been, but we are no longer that person. Declaring an aspiration allows us to point to a future self that is more in line with who we really know we are. So do take some time to thoughtfully consider your own highest aspirations, and make a plan to pay attention to these every day. My best wishes to all of us on our journeys.

Reverend Genko Rainwater is an ordained Soto Zen monk who serves Dharma Rain Zen Center (dharma-rain.org) as a junior priest. She is the widow of Pamela Hiebert, who died in April of 2002, and she facilitates a monthly Gay Tea group/ potluck meeting at Dharma Rain. The group explores transformation, authenticity, and other intersections between being queer and being Buddhist.

12 • January-February 2013

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FEATURES

MARVEL QUEER AMERICA CAPTURES STORIES OF COURAGE

Rowan Wren wants to share the inspiring stories of LGBTQ people across the country.

By Erin Rook PQ Monthly

Like many LGBTQ folks, Rowan Wren didn’t have queer role models when she was growing up. She had to leave home to find a sense of belonging, but now she’s working to the bring the world to youth and other isolated queer folks through her oral history project, Marvel Queer America.

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“One day it occurred to me that if I had access to LGBTQ stories when I was younger it would have been easier for me to come out,” Wren says. “It seems like this is true for so many of us who feel alone in our experience until we find our tribe.”

So the 30-year-old student began recording interviews with LGBTQ people in her community. She launched a website in October featuring a handful of video interviews and says she plans to add audio segments soon.

The interviews cover a wide range of topics including coming out, gender identity, technology, and queer women in the arts. Each segment is presented with a rawness that resembles a real-life conversation. This is intentional.

“There is minimal editing that is done to each interview,” Wren says. “My hope is that the authenticity of each person’s story is showcased in this way.”

An interview with Portland Community College student Natalie, 32, delves into the complexities of gender and sexual identity.

“Every day something happens to inspire me, but a lot of things also happen to kind of discourage me. Part of being genderqueer or someone who identifies outside of the gender binary is difficult in the community nowadays.

I don’t think there’s been a lot of education,” Natalie says.

“If you’re walking down the street and somebody sees you and is like, ‘Are you a boy or a girl?’ my typical response is ‘yes, or ‘It’s none of your business.’”

Rick, 53, talks about coming out to his parents at age 40, some 14 years after telling his friends he was gay. “[Coming out to my parents at 40] was surprisingly good. It exceeded my expectations,” Rick says. “It’s probably one of the most important things I’ve ever done.... It’s

never too late to come out, and it’s never too late for things to get better.”

Wren got her first taste of video editing while volunteering for Q Center’s media team, where she helped produce and edit short videos for the Queer Heroes NW Project, the Bureau of Labor and Industry’s housing nondiscrimination advocacy work, and the 2013 fundraising gala, Fire and Ice. “The stories that move me most are stories of accomplishment and perseverance,” Wren says. “I love to hear stories of how people work to overcome what is standing in their way.”

It is these stories that have the greatest potential to bring hope to LGBTQ folks who are isolated or struggling.

And Wren hopes to collect a whole lot more of them. She envisions a project similar to National Public Radio’s Story Corps, which would only lend visibility to queer stories, but also preserve them for the historical record.

“My hope is that MQA will have the community support and participation it needs to thrive,” Wren says. “I see MQA as a place where anyone can go to hear stories that are not featured in any other place. I would like to see MQA turn into an organization that is collecting stories from all over the country.”

So why did she call it Marvel Queer America?

“Because I marvel every time I hear a story from someone in our community. I am constantly awed by the strength and courage of the human spirit,” Wren says. “The title of the project is a command. I want other people to stop and marvel too. We are all so uniquely different and that is a beautiful thing.”

Watch Wren’s video interviews at marvelqueeramerica.com.

January/February 2013 • 13

FEATURES

SCHOOL AS JUNGLE: PRIMATE BEHAVIOR, HUMAN NATURE, AND BULLYING IN-GROUPS AND OUT-GROUPS

By Nick Mattos PQ Monthly

Glenn Goodfellow knows that school can be a jungle for queer students facing bullying. As co-chair of the Oregon Safe Schools & Communities Coalition, he works diligently and creatively to oppose and prevent bullying in the state’s schools — and due to his and others’ work nationwide, an impact is starting to show.

“The Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network has been doing a decade of surveys in which they consider the national school climate,” he says, “tapping into the experiences of students in all 50 states to see what’s going on. These findings indicate that 2011 was the first year in the past decade in which harassment of queer students was on the decline.”

However, even with this decrease, media and social attention on bullying remains higher than ever — and while Goodfellow is very optimistic that the trend away from bullying will continue, the answers as to why bullying occurs and whether it can ever be truly halted remain out of reach.

“The causes of bullying are as complicated as considering why other any other form of violence occurs within schools,” he says. “When people talk about bullying, it’s often about advocating for victims, but an issue that needs to be addressed is why youth bully other youth — why does harassment take place?”

THE HUMAN ANIMAL “It’s important to remember that humans are primates,” biologist Leigha Tingey says. “We have the same impulse to stay alive, reproduce, and avoid predators that monkeys do ... and as a result, bullying is human nature.”

An adjunct faculty member at Portland Community College, Tingey has studied diverse monkey populations worldwide. In her behavioral observations, Tingey has very frequently observed the monkeys she studies behaving in ways analogous to human bullying.

“I’ve observed Capuchin monkeys,” she gives as one example, “who have an alpha male and an alpha female [within their group], and then a complex hierarchy of subordinates. The lowest-ranking members of the group were constantly left behind in eating and traveling, and were even forced out of the tree that the Glenn Goodfellow group slept in and forced to sleep on the ground by the aggression of those ranking above them.”

Tingey notes that the aggression did not always come directly from the alpha leaders.

“It was a whole group effort to actively ostracize the subordinate individuals, often originating from only two or three individuals only slightly higher in rank than the subordinates. It was an act of protecting one’s status within the community.”

Tingey is not familiar with any efforts by researchers to eliminate these “bullying” primate behaviors in the wild. “I honestly don’t know how such a study could even be conducted,” she says. However, researchers frequently destabilize and shift social structures within primate groups in captivity.

“While it’s a hard comparison to make, I’d say that for humans, being in a school is more analogous to being in captivity than being in the wild,” Tingey says. “In the wild, one’s job is to not get eaten, to stay with your troop, find food, and make it to adolescence so that you can eventually reproduce and make more monkeys. It’s to your benefit in the wild to work your way up to be the leader of the pack. In captivity, on the other hand, you’re given all your food as well as ‘enrichment items’ to keep you busy, and have a great deal of outside structure imposed. As a result, the benefits of working your way up to alpha status are far less compelling.”

This difference in context may signal why researchers are able to shift primate social structures in captive monkeys — and perhaps bode well for top-down interventions against bullying for humans.

“Again, humans are primates,” Tingey says. “It’s absolutely in our nature to have social disputes over status, territory, and resources — it’s why we fight wars. Bullying is human nature, because it’s an act of primates trying to get or protect what they want. Whether it’s because they want food or a place in the sleeping tree, or because they want to look cool or want attention and power that they don’t have at home, it’s basically the same.”

14 • January-February 2013

“We assume that other animals have intrinsic behaviors, but we [humans] don’t,” says. “It’s absurd.”

The lauded and controversial author of numerous books and essays exploring male identity, Donovan agrees with Tingey that bullying is part of human nature and society.

He even sees it as inexorable.

“I don’t think it’s preventable anywhere,” he says. “It’s about as preventable as stopping gossip. Humans naturally create in-groups and out-groups, and defining one’s identity is part of identifying one’s in-group or out-group. It’s also part of establishing hierarchies, and humans, especially males, are hierarchical by nature. Some people will end up higher in the hierarchy, and unfortunately some have to be on the bottom because we’re not all equally gifted.”

He refers to the work of noted biologist and naturalist Photo by Brian Eugene Snipe Edward O. Wilson, which posits that “groupism” — a term Jack Donovan coined by Wilson for an elementary drive to form and take deep pleasure from in-group membership — is an essential dimension of human behavior that could underscore how and why bullying occurs.

Donovan also sees bullying-prevention programs potentially creating negative impacts for students. “Enforcing stricter anti-bullying measures in school ends up penalizing kids who are already pretty normal,” Donovan says. “Also, while there are certainly a lot of women and girls who bully … anti-bullying measures often target boys. Ultimately, it funnels these boys out of the system and tags them as behavior problems for acting in the normal way that boys often do.”

A PLACE IN THE WORLD “Of course bullying is preventable!” says Goodfellow. “That’s why I’m one of many people who work to prevent it.… It’s not even something that we [OSSCC] or I speculate on; research indicates that bullying is preventable. It’s not a question of ‘yes or no,’ and more about what I can do to be an agent of change to stop it.”

Along with his data-rooted optimism, though, Goodfellow acknowledges that “groupism” can and does occur. “A lot of time is spent in any group establishing who’s in control and who isn’t…. It’s a very human want, to understand who’s above and below you, who you have power over and who has power over you,” he says, “and it’s our role to teach them how to engage with this appropriately.”

Goodfellow believes that through good guidance, this impulse can be shaped and refined.

“Children aren’t existing in a ‘Lord of the Flies’ situation in which they’re self-governed all the time,” he says. “We as adults … have a role to guide children to better understand that if they’d like to consider who’s considered alpha or in charge. I even think that the conversation of whether youth will bully or not is ancillary to the question of how we help children understand their place in the world. They need a framework to understand what is acceptable and what isn’t.”

Donovan agrees that guidance from trusted authority figures can have a significant impact towards lessening the damage that bullying can inflict. “I think the best thing to do for kids who are getting bullied is to show them the long-term,” he says. “Tell them that [the social dimension of] school doesn’t matter, that it’ll be over soon, and that you need to focus on the rest of your life — not to let it define the rest of your future. This could come from a parent, but it could also come from a guidance counselor or mentor issue. These people should also tell the kids who are bullying why they shouldn’t do it — although they probably won’t listen anyway — but it’s really the kids who are going through it that need support in processing it.”

Even if the impulse to create hierarchies and protect one’s space within it remains, Donovan posits that ultimately those who are bullied can transform the suffering into strength.

“I think a lot of people who achieve highly in life have been bullied in some way,” he says, “and that their achievements are in many ways a positive reaction to the bullying.

Ultimately, the thing that kids who are being pushed out of a group need to remember is that, while ‘groupism’ will remain, eventually life offers opportunities to find a new group to fit into — and new opportunities to negotiate a better position within that hierarchy.”

If you are a student facing bullying, talk to a trusted adult at home or at your school, and go to OregonSafeSchools.org for a full listing of resources and strategies. pqmonthly.com

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FEATURES

THE HOME FRONT MOVING BEYOND A PATCHWORK OF PROTECTIONS

By Steve Strode PQ Monthly

Food, shelter, clothing. We learned in elementary school that these are our three basic necessities. But as a nation, we have a long history of preventing full and equal access to housing.

As a part of Oregon’s settlement, the American Homestead Act allowed any white male over 21 to claim up to 160 acres of land upon which to build a home and start a farm. Throughout the West, 50 million acres were taken from American Indians, and the Homestead Act required U.S. soldiers to wage war against indigenous group on behalf of white settlers.

Well into the 20th century, property deeds contained provisions that prohibited certain groups from owning or even living in a neighborhood. For example, the Queen Anne district in Seattle contained the following provision: “No person or persons of Asiatic, African or Negro blood, lineage, or extraction shall be permitted to occupy a portion of said property.” Restrictions like these were not the exception; they existed all throughout the nation.

We have come a long way in the past 100 years. Today, federal housing laws prohibit discrimination based upon race, color, national origin, religion, gender, familial status, and disability. Some states, such as Oregon, have expanded that to include other protected classes including sexual orientation and gender identify. However, there are no national laws protecting the LGBTQ community.

Right now, we have what can best be described as a patchwork of LGBTQ housing protections. While lacking full federal protection, we are moving in a positive direction toward full housing equality.

In 2010, the National Association of Realtors (NAR) amended its code of ethics to include sexual orientation: “Realtors shall not deny equal professional services to any persons for reason of race, religion, handicap, familial status, national origin, or sexual orientation.” It also prohibits realtors from engaging in discrimination in their employment practices.

NAR’s action is significant in two ways: for the first time it established a protected class prior to the federal government doing so, and it included protection in employment practices for anyone working for a realtor.

I was at the meeting in New Orleans when the delegate body took up this vote in 2010.

During the comment period before the vote was taken, a woman complained that if

we expanded the code of ethics for this reason, we would be superseding state and local laws, and realtors could no longer discriminate based upon personal beliefs — we would now held to a higher standard. There was a very small smattering of applause from the delegation. The next woman in line exclaimed, “Yes, that’s the point of a code of ethics!” The room erupted with applause.

In the end, the vote passed with a 93 percent majority. It was a very emotional day.

To pass with such an overwhelming majority sends a powerful and positive message — especially from an association which is often misperceived as conservative. And with over 1 million members, NAR is the largest trade organization in the U.S. Soon after this vote, the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) announced a similar policy. Today, any housing providers that receive HUD financing, or loans that are insured by the Federal Housing Administration, are included under these new administrative rules. While not full federal protection, it sends a loud and clear message.

Missing from the code of ethics change were protections for gender identity. The National Association of Gay and Lesbian Real Estate Professionals (NAGLREP), a private industry advocacy group, quickly went to work in 2011 and introduced a proposal to NAR to expand the code. It has already received a unanimous vote by the NAR Diversity Committee and the association’s board of directors. The next and final step will be by the full delegate body in November of this year.

Jeff Berger, NAGLREP’s founder, is confident that this measure will pass. Since NAR’s code includes both realtor-to-customer conduct and employment conduct, Berger also believes this change will have an even larger impact than fair housing.

“NAGLREP feels that the recent change will set a precedent when Congress looks at ENDA, the Employment Non-Discrimination Act. Congress will clearly see NAR as an example of how other trade organizations and businesses administer policy,” he said.

While LGBTQ Oregonians have enjoyed equal statutory protection for some time, our friends and family in some other states have not. But now, as a result these measures by NAR and HUD, we’re moving boldly forward on the home front nationwide.

Steve Strode is a realtor in the Portland-metro area. He serves on a number of state, national, and international committees, and is a director at the National Association of Gay and Lesbian Real Estate Professionals. He is also president of Portland Frontrunners, an LGBTQ and friends running organization with chapters worldwide.

16 • January-February 2013

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FEATURES

GOOD GRIEF, GOOD DEATH Practical tips for facing the loss of a loved one

Rolf Erickson of DeathWise.org, naturopathic physician Dr. Suzanne Scopes, and Shambhavi Sarasvati of Jaya Kula believe that the loss of a loved one can be a time of transformation, healing, and growth.

By Nick Mattos PQ Monthly

There are few times more difficult to go through than preparing for the death of a loved one. While some are given clear, overt indicators that a parent, lover, friend, or child will soon pass away, the fragility of human life means that all of us live with the constant prospect that we will encounter and contend with the loss of someone close to us. In order to help you with your own engagement with death, PQ collected thoughts from a few local leaders on how to live, die, and grieve well. However, the conversation is far from over without your input; please share your thoughts, experience, and guidance about grief at PQMonthly.com.

PREPARATION IS KEY “Death is a part of life, and death is inevitable for everyone,” notes writer Rolf Erickson, founding editor of DeathWise.org. “If you don’t prepare, though, when the time comes — often unexpectedly — you and your family members may be totally overwhelmed by the decisions related to healthcare, finances, care of the body, memorial service, and — perhaps most importantly — the emotional impact of death. If we don’t come to terms with death in advance, it can be a very disorienting and difficult experience for everyone involved.”

In order to facilitate this advanced planning, Erickson created DeathWise.org to guide people through the process of planning for their own death as well as the deaths of their loved ones.

“At DeathWise,” Erickson explains, “our goal isn’t for people to spend the rest of their lives thinking about death. Our goal is for them to come to terms with it, learn what they need to know, document their preferences, and then get on with living what we call a Wise Life, where they’re not hiding from death, but instead embrace life fully and do the things they dream of doing while they’re alive.” pqmonthly.com

GET GOOD HABITS IN PLACE Naturopathic physician Dr. Suzanne Scopes emphasizes that it’s important to go into any situation of potential loss with the best possible self-care practices in place.

“Certainly, going into the process of losing a loved one and grieving that loss while out of balance — be it from dysthymia, to poor lifestyle, lack of sleep and exercise, or poor dietary habits — will make it difficult to do it well,” she says. “We counsel people to get enough sleep, to eat well, to connect with loved ones and their spiritual side, so they can be in a balanced state.”

This is particularly important for those who have cared for their dying loved one for a long time before their end. “After prolonged caregiving,” Scopes says, “exhaustion can set in, and as a result they can be very off-balance going into it.”

Scopes notes that naturopathic medicine offers many options for those trying to grieve well. For example, she says, “There’s a whole class of herbs called adaptogens that help the body deal with stress. These can help people who are mourning keep their immune systems strong and have more energy to be present with the experience.”

ENGAGE YOUR COMMUNITY “I was living in San Francisco during the most devastating part of the HIV epidemic,” says Shambhavi Sarasvati, spiritual director of Tantric educational organization Jaya Kula and devotee of Bengali spiritual teacher Anandamayi Ma. “Individual people lost hundreds of friends, and collectively people lost tens of thousands of friends, lovers, and family members. I think what sustained the various communities in San Francisco at the time was something that was true of all queer communities: many times, people come from families in which there isn’t a lot of refuge — so people take refuge in larger communities.”

“To me,” Shambhavi continues, “one of the wisdom virtues that one can learn from the queer community is that anyone can be family, anyone can be loved. Anyone can be

part of your heart mandala. People were put in that situation because of the prejudices of our culture, where they had to reach out to other people. In my opinion, that ended up being a very, very good thing. We can take this to heart again when we think about the grieving process, or any other socalled negative emotion — turn it into something that brings more people in, that creates heart connections with more people, not something that creates more isolation.”

TALK ABOUT IT Talking about end-of-life planning can be a daunting and overwhelming task — but a new resource offered by DeathWise.org can help you and the folks you love do so in a constructive manner.

“DeathWise has recently launched Wise Conversations Workshops to help start the conversation about death with small groups of friends or associates,” Erickson says. “They each receive a Wise Life Planner to work through and document their end-of-life decisions. The first workshops were held in California, and now my partner Renee and I will soon be offering them in the Portland area.”

STAY PRESENT Being as present as possible with your dying loved one is critical, especially near the moment of their death if possible.

“I got to be with both my parents as they died,” Scopes recalls, “and it was an incredible, transformative, awakening experience for me. You’re aware of spirituality in a whole different way than our day-to-day lives ever allow.

We’re usually so insulated from death, so the opportunity to be close and present with it is a life-enriching experience, as grief-filled as it is.”

Sobriety — in the fullest sense of the word — is of critical importance at this time.

“In our culture, we tend to use drugs, alcohol, and prescriptions to numb out and not be present to the experience,” good grief page 19

January/February 2013 • 17

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Call: 503.228.3139 PQMONTHLY.COM 18 • January-February 2013

On New Year’s Day, still smarting from a late night with Heklina at The Eagle, my friend Ryan and I embarked on a grand project: a makeover of my apartment’s spacious entry-way closet. The mission was simple: we needed a spot to neatly and tidily organize the lady accoutrements we’ve collected over the years — red dresses, bachelorette Halloweens, and Ryan’s shift from hobby to drag queen. We picked my home because I live alone, he doesn’t, and, frankly, I could never hope to have as many fashions as he does. Few could.

After our adventures in drag closetry ended, I was left to sort through old, unopened boxes that managed to survive three moves. You’d think after months of not sifting through them, after so much time had passed I couldn’t begin to imagine their insides, I might be able to simply toss them. This was not the case. That afternoon, I sat down to rifle through the worn, splitting stack of cardboard, curious about what bounty might await me.

Old schoolwork, drafts from college writing workshops, shoes(?), forgotten books — all manner of random artifacts.

I’d like to think I’m no longer the person who saves every little thing, worried I might someday need that receipt from that purchase in 2004 or that rough draft from my first fiction writing class, but I’ve made only marginal progress. In another life, I was a hoarder.

Toward the top of the last box was a book I forgot I owned — one that once served as my “Eat, Pray, Love” bible: “Finding the Boyfriend Within,” that gay guide to planning-dates-with-yourself exploration. Clearly, I’ve heeded little of its advice over the years. Discovery of this decadeold little tome (complete with notes scribbled in its margins) was hardly momentous, but it did prompt a mental walkthrough of my past dating year — and some of the moments that caused me to call things off.

“I couldn’t respect you if I ever topped you.” I spent a few months dating this guy, and about halfway through our time together he muttered that line over dinner with his friends. It’s a testament to my stubbornness (I think) that I didn’t run to the hills the moment I heard those words. I will make this relationship work. To sacrifice something I loved so much for the good of the relationship was so selfless. Later, when he demanded I take to Facebook to point out some men who’d enjoyed that particular pleasure, I reached my breaking point. “Just show me one or two. It might make me hate

you, but show me.” I couldn’t.

Next.

“I can never date a nyone who wea rs a wig.” You mean you don’t want to date a drag queen? “I mean I find the whole prospect disgusting and demeaning.” What if it’s just a costume? You should see me and my friends in wigs, it’s funny. “I don’t think it’s funny. I like masculine things.”

I’m not asking you to fuck me in a wig, I’m telling you a few times a year I play dress up and it has nothing to do with anything.

Perhaps I’ll show you some photos so we can call this before it ever starts; you’re going to be very angry when we meet at my friend’s Halloween party and I’m part of Whitney-Through-The-Ages: a Tribute.

And next.

“You’re my routine pity fuck, and I’ll text you at 1 a.m. but not acknowledge you in the daytimes.” OK, so that’s more of a summary — and to be fair, I’ve certainly had my share of late night rendezvous, averting my eyes the next time I saw him. But there’s a little something extra special about someone who wants to touch you all over during the darkest hours, repeatedly, while subsequently pretending you have the plague when you’re on the patio at Vendetta. And it speaks to some larger issues when you let him do it repeatedly, for weeks on end.

But you do feel good about yourself when you finally summon the strength to end it once and for all. Muster some sliver of selfworth: check. Next.

Around the time I decided “Finding the Boyfriend Within” was the holiest of holies, I was having adult adventures with a German exchange student. His English wasn’t the best, and I found that incredibly sensual.

Although our time together was short-lived, it was terribly romantic and steamy. And it involved the hijacking of many a friend’s bedroom and couch. Thanks, Gino. (It was the early 2000s; I still lived at home.) When our romance came to its inevitable end, he grew exasperated by my prolonged goodbyes. “You’re emotional like woman.” Fair enough.

“Within” almost went downstairs with the rest of the recycling. After all, I’m all grown up, I have Xanax and Therapist, and I’d like to think I’m light years beyond that confused, 20-something boy. But I decided to keep it. It’s like my dating badge of honor, a memento proving all the progress I’ve made. Through all the wigs, tops, bottoms, self-destructive moments — and brighter ones — I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. And I refuse to let some guy’s hang-ups get me down.

I may or may not be rereading that old bible. Daniel@PQMonthly.com. pqmonthly.com

PERS{ECTOVES

NOT AN EASY DECISION

Halloween 2012. Pretty scary, huh?

By Judge Kemp

I was involved in scouting in some form or another throughout most of my young life and early adult life. As a young boy in elementary school, I was enrolled in the Cub Scouts, then Webelos, and later, after a bit of a life break, the Boy Scouts — where I reached the rank of Eagle and later remained active as a Jr. Assistant Scoutmaster.

It’s said that once you become an Eagle Scout, you remain an Eagle Scout for life.

good grief Continued from page 17

Scopes says, “which can lead to feeling disconnected and anxious [in the long run].”

GRIEVE FULLY “I do believe there is a meaning and a purpose to grief,” Scopes says of the importance of fully recognizing and honoring the experience of grieving. “It’s something that is part of life and existence, and most cultures really recognize the importance of mourning and spending time in rituals around it. It’s a time in which people have very physical reactions.… The basis of naturopathic medicine is trusting the wisdom of the body, and this seems to be a necessary piece to go through. This piece, however, takes time. I see people who are just too busy to take the time and pqmonthly.com

In honor of scouting’s 100th anniversary, I was It becomes a statement in breaking stereotypes for people sent an email asking to join the National Eagle of color, giving peace of mind for my mother, and proving Scout Association and, for a registration fee, in that gays, too, have the right stuff to be successful. return I would receive a directory of other regisI still whole-heartedly disagree with the BSA policy and tered Eagles throughout the county. For the direc- hope their decision will be reversed. I was fortunate that tory, we were asked to tell how scouting and reach- those fellow scouts who knew I was gay didn’t think anything ing the rank of Eagle has impacted our lives. Never of it. I was involved in scouting for the life experiences, skill having anything to hide, I disclosed that I am hap- development, character building, and friendships. These are pily partnered and also currently a board member things that no one can take back from me. of the Q Center here in Portland.

Now, whether my fellow Eagles want to continue to In the months since the Boy Scouts of America return their medals is entirely a personal decision that publicly reaffirmed their controversial antigay policy, there has been both support and condemnation of that decision. Support for the ruling within the organization and by parents of its young members asserts that this decision was made in the best interest of the scouts. Former Eagle Scouts, including myself, completely disagree with this decision. Some Eagles have vocalized their protests and others have done so by returning their hard-earned and rarely-achieved Eagle awards. I have always been one to do the right thing and get involved to make a difference in my community and I, too, wanted to do something — but the one question that remained was what.

Here is where I am at a personal crossroads. In the general scouting population roughly only about 5 percent of boys that begin the program (Scout through Life) ever reach the rank of Eagle. Of that percentage, it’s estimated that less than 4 percent are African American. These are only rough estimates since the BSA mandate for race is listed as optional. In my situation, I am Black, gay, and an Eagle Scout. a trifecta of minorities; being black, gay, and an should made based on one’s own life story and journey.

Eagle Scout.

Repelling attacks against gays (including parents of gay I continue to wrestle with the idea of sending my medal children) will require our collective communities to take a away, but when I think of my mother and all I put her stand. Discrimination in any form hurts everyone no matter through during my years of scouting, including sticking her how you disguise it. with the Eagle’s parent pin at my Eagle ceremony, I’m forced to think again about my actions. The plain and sad truth is Judge Kemp can be best described as a communitythat there are too few “people of color” who have made it minded leader who loves to have fun. A graduate of Portas far, and when I look at this award with those factors in land State University, Judge majored in communication and mind, it causes a shift in my thoughts. This piece of cloth minored in community development. Judge resides in North and metal means more to me than the sentimental reasons. Portland with his partner, home designer Eric Schnell.

grieve, and for them I see the physiological symptoms go on longer and be more complicated than for those that take the time to do so. Ultimately, we are highly interconnected with other people, and the loss and break of that interconnectedness does often bring around a spiritual or existential process that they need time to come to terms with.”

LET GO AND WAKE UP “When my students or anyone comes to me for counseling due to grief or any strong emotion,” Sarasvati says, “I really just tell them to relax and let it rip — let it go through with as little impediment as possible, so that it can clear out. Don’t try to think about it too much. It’s just energy — emotions are energy, they’re Shakti. We don’t need to make them so precious, fiddling with them and shaping them so much.”

“Grief about one person dying is kind of like being in love,” she observes. “The world narrows down to a little peephole focused on one person.… This is the opposite

of self-realization. Self-realization is about feeling compassion for everyone, sharing everybody’s grief and everybody’s sadness, not just holing up with your own little concatenation of emotion. If we let the emotions just go through, we don’t need to know what it means. ‘Knowing what it means’ is actually highly unsatisfying, and ultimately just attaches us to the situation even more via our explanation. It’s much more fruitful to experience it as energy, as sensation, and let it rip through. Then, the whole world opens up — our hearts open up, other people appear to us in more dimensions. Then, we can experience the wisdom virtues of these sensations.”

For more information on Rolf Erickson, DeathWise, and Wise Conversations Workshops, go to DeathWise.org or email rolf@deathwise.org. For more on Shambavi Sarasvati and Jaya Kula, go to JayaKula.org. Learn more about Dr. Susanne Scopes at DrScopesNaturalHealthcare.com or by calling 503-230-0812.

January/February 2013 • 19

NIGHTLIFE

HOT FLASH KICKS OFF 10TH YEAR WITH A NOD TO THE NEXT GENERATION

Hot Flashes dances typically attract women from ages 30-45, but are open to anyone over 21.

Joyce Schlitz (left) and Hot Flash founder Pauline Miriam (right).

Photo by Jeffrey Horvitz, PQ Monthly

By Erin Rook PQ Monthly

Community organizing and party planning are not so different. Both involve listening to people’s wants and needs and working to make it happen. Maybe that’s why Pauline Miriam’s dance parties for older women have spread like wildfire, and are still going strong after nine years.

Hot Flash/Inferno Dances began in Portland in 2004 and are now held regularly in cities across the western states, including Salem, Tacoma, Seattle, San Diego, and Phoenix.

Miriam, 61, puts on the monthly dances with the help of her partner, Joyce Schlitz, 55. (The couple met at a Hot Flash event). She has no prior experience in business or event promotion. Instead, she draws from a background in political organizing.

“I’ve been a grassroots fundraiser and organizer for the past 44 years. I started in 1968 in antiwar movement,” Miriam says. “I came out in 1972 and was working in leftist and lesbian feminist separatist movements in Philadelphia. That’s where I gained all my experience.”

Miriam worked for a print shop that did jobs for the radical movement — “regular” printers were sabotaging their work. She spent her nights in organizing meetings and prioritized political action over career. So when Miriam found herself suddenly single after a 10-year relationship, her impulse to engage with the community kicked in.

What she found when she reached out was a surpris20 • January-February 2013

ing number of older women looking for a different kind of dance night. One that played music they liked, at an hour they wanted to go out, and filled with women of a certain age and maturity.

“At the first dances, we had prerecorded music. Some were held at 3 in the afternoon,” Miriam says. “But none of it mattered because the women were so happy to have a place to go.”

In the beginning, the dances had a (flexible) age minimum of 36. Miriam chose the number because of its significance in Jewish mysticism as a blessing. She’s since dropped the requirement because she finds that an older crowd (typically 30-plus) self-selects.

“Younger women are afraid of the name,” and its menopausal connotations, Miriam says.

Still, she adds, the party needs some age diversity to stay in business. The 50-plus crowd simply isn’t reliable enough.

“As we age we always expect to go out,” she says. “But instead it’s: ‘Do you feel like going out this weekend?’ There are real differences in our community based upon age.”

As part of her efforts to keep things fresh, Miriam is trying out popular Portland DJ Roy G Biv at some of her Portland and Seattle nights. DJ Roy G Biv is best known for her recently-wrapped monthly party, Bent, and appearances at queer nights like Homo Deluxe, Gaycation, and Deep Cuts.

“The fact of the matter is that we’ve grown younger and that’s deliberate,” Miriam says of the crowd, which typically ranges from 30-45. “The difference between our dances and typical 20-something dances is that we’re known for being overly friendly. We’ll bend over backwards to make you feel like you belong in this place.”

With Portland’s last remaining lesbian bar — the Egyptian Club/E Room — long gone and the end of Crave, Hot Flash is also the only remaining dance party for women.

“No one is cliquey at our parties. They ask other women

Photo by Jules Garza, PQ Monthly

to dance,” Miriam says. “Part of it is that it’s women only.

There’s a comfort level you don’t get [otherwise]. Some people are lesbians genetically; I believe some are also by choice. I want a really safe space for women. That’s my emphasis — it’s not queer, it’s not gay, it’s women.”

It’s that expansive view (the same one that makes Hot Flash trans-inclusive — even allowing trans men to attend for as long as they feel a part of the community) that motivates Miriam and Joyce to support human rights causes as far away as Uganda.

“I’ve been out for 40 years, I’m a Jew, and I understand holocausts more intimately than many people,” Miriam says. “I was appalled when I heard about the Ugandan ‘Kill the Gays’ bill. [Ugandan LGBTQ activist] David Kato was murdered on our eight-year anniversary because his picture was posted [in a newspaper]. That’s genocide. That’s a holocaust. That’s happening to our people. Not only in Uganda, but in many other countries.”

In addition to selling Ugandan handmade goods to raise money for the Spirit of ‘76 Foundation, Hot Flash supports local organizations such as Esther’s Pantry, Q Center, the Sexual and Gender Minority and Youth Resource Center (SMYRC), Butch Voices, and the Humane Society.

“In some ways, Hot Flash in completely subversive,” Miriam says. “You can do a lot of things when women are busy cruising each other. As an old leftie, my ulterior motive has always been to fund organizations that are busy doing the work I’m not doing because I am busy running the dances.”

But even the dances are more than dances. At each event, Miriam posts a large bulletin board where women can leave and take business cards, allowing attendees to network and connect with women-owned and -operated businesses. She still brings back the event that started it all — speed dating — from time to time, and will soon be hot flash page 30

pqmonthly.com

GET OUT!

PQ PICKS

THURSDAY, JANUARY 17 PQ Press Party. If you’re reading this, you’re already planning on being here, right? Mixer with all the minds and talents that bring you this newspaper month in and month out.

This month: Vault. 226 NW 12, 5pm-7pm.

Let’s Talk About Age, Baby. Join Q Center and Process Sense: Human Development as they host a “community dialogue about aging in the LGBTQ community.” Coordinated by Aleksandr Peikrishvili, creator of Q Center’s Face2Face Community Dialogue Series and owner of Process Sense: Human Development, alongside Q Center’s Susan Kocen and Miranda May. 6-8pm. Q Center, 4115 N Mississippi. Free.

Boy Funk, We Are Like the Spider, and Mattachine Social. Plus Divine Debris DJs. Bands, music, night of sonic bliss. 9pm, Rotture, 315 SE 3. $5.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 19 Retrograde. DJ Airick X of Blow Pony fame makes with spinning all the music at Beaulahland. 9pm, 118 NE 28. Free.

Burlescape! “A tantalizing temptation of burlesque and ‘boylesque’ wrapped in a taste of tease.” Special guests are coming all the way from Miami. That’s right, Miami! Hosted

by Zora Phoenix, who says “it’s a new year, but we’ve got the same hot show for you.” 9pm, Crush, 1412 SE Morrison. $10.

MONDAY, JANUARY 21 Gay Skate, sponsored by yours truly (PQ Monthly). Join Sock Dreams, the Rose City Rollers, and all the amateur skaters in the city at the one and only queer skate night. Work muscles you never knew you had — but don’t fall. 7-9pm, Oaks Park, 7805 SE Oaks Park Way. $6. All ages goodness.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 24 Gay and Grey Fourth Thursday Social. Come on, come all, come socialize. And eat delicious foods. 4pm, Starky’s, 2913 SE Stark.

Cockabilly. This, this! I wish we could put this event in lights.

A rock and roll disco with homosexual tendencies. This disco derelict features go-go dancers, delinquents, mustache riders, leather lickers, high school dropouts — and everything in between. Not for the faint of heart, says host Chanticleer Tru, who promises to channel all the queer rock and roll vibes you could ever want. DJ Beyondadoubt! 9pm, White Owl Social Club, 1305 SE 8. $3.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 25 Greed: a Bi/Pan/Genderqueer dance night. Greed “provides a space for those unbounded by binaries of love and identity.” Come together in community. DJ Trim Jones spins the hot tracks while Crush serves up the food and drinks to help fuel your evening. Go-go dancers of all stripes. Shake it. 9pm, Crush, 1412 SE Morrison. $5.

Temple, a West Side Social: DJs Kasio Smashio and Art of Hot. New drink special will benefit the remodel of nearby Shiny Music Hall. Mix, mingle, and be social. 10pm, Matador, 1967 W Burnside. Free.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 26 QPoP! Queer Parents of Portland. 10am until noon, Q Center, 4115 N Mississippi.

Fire and Ice, Q Center’s Winter Gala 2013. Hosted by

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CALENDAR

Want more? We’ll give you all you can take. Head over topqmonthly.com and check out our online calendar of events, submit your own events, and feast your eyes on photos from your reporters-about-town.

Also, remember to read our weekly weekend forecast — each Wednesday, online only.

KGW Newschannel 8’s Reggie Aqui (dreamy!) and Stephanie Stricklen (to be fair, she’s also pretty dreamy). This year’s gala goes down at Castaway. The main event is almost sold out — but there are still after-party tickets. Check out www.pdxqcenter.org for more information. 6pm, Castaway, 1900 NW 18.

Beat the Meat. This month’s Lure. A special fundraiser for the Tony DeBlase Scholarship Fund, managed by the Pride Foundation. Northwest Leather Sir 2013 Quinn and past Leather titleholders will be on hand to dish out the beatings.

Yes, we said beatings. Appropriate gear strongly encouraged.

9pm, Eagle Portland, 835 N Lombard. Free.

Sequin City. Sugar Town’s Sister dance party. Sequin will focus on 70s soul. Organizers promise a sexy sparkle that will undoubtedly lead to lust. Classics, rarities, soul-disco, proto hip-hop, and funky soul. Sequin attire encouraged. 9pm, The Foggy Notion, 3416 N Lombard. $3.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 29 McMenamins Friends and Family Night, a benefit for Camp Starlight. Zeus Café, Al’s Den, and Ringlers Annex will donate half of all sales from 5pm until close to Camp Starlight, the week-long residential camp that provides children whose lives have been affected by HIV/AIDS the opportunity to enjoy a caring, safe, recreational, spiritual, and fun camping experience. So this Tuesday, make it a group affair. Grab all your friends and frenemies and dine on Stark. Poison Waters demands it. 5pm to late, 303 SW 12.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 5 I love Pablito Art Show. Check out local artist Pablo Caceres’ latest work at Sidecar 11. There will be delicious drinks, tasty food, and the newest art by one of our area’s favorite little bears. He’ll have prints for sale and will be offering bear hugs for free. 5-8pm, Sidecar 11, 3955 N Mississippi.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 6 Magic Mouth! Watch dazzling funk and sexy, atmospheric hip-hop collide. This is quite the spectacular bill: Magic Mouth, Kingdom Crumbs, Dual Mode. I’m sure you recognize Magic Mouth from all of our swooning. Well, they’re worth it. The Merc says “this powerful quartet threatens to match the getdown soul power of any band in this city.” Look, something we can all agree on. 8:30pm, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. $6. A pittance, really.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 8 Boots and Beats. “Don’t know if you like boots or what a bootblack is? Come find out.” I have to admit, I think I land squarely in that camp. But this night promises great raffles, shoeshine drink specials, PDX bootblack fun, and boot weekend cruising. It’s almost too much for the senses. 7pm, Crush, 1412 SE Morrison.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 16 Our House’s annual benefit auction. This year’s theme: “Prom Night.” Have the prom you always wanted. Anyone who’s ever been to this yearly, can’t-miss event knows it’s, well, not one to miss. The kids at Our House know how to throw a party. Join them for an unforgettable evening to support Our House and people in our community living with HIV/AIDS. 6pm, Portland Art Museum. For ticket information, visit www.ourhouseofportland.org.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 22. YTK: Join Basic Rights Education fund at “YTK,” a community celebration of the historic inauguration of the first lesbian House Speaker in America. Featuring music and merriment. 7-10pm, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. $20 suggested donation.

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DANCE IT OUT (AND STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT COVERS, YOUR DJS GOTTA EAT)

FIRST SUNDAYS And, well, every Sunday. Superstar Divas. Bolivia Carmichaels, Honey Bea Hart, and Ginger Lee perform your favorite Broadway, Cher, Reba, Adele, and Celine hits. Among others. Dance floor opens during intermission and after the show. 8pm, CC Slaughters, 219 NW Davis. Free!

FIRST THURSDAYS Dirt Bag. Keyword: Bruce LaBruiser. She’ll make all your musical dreams come true. Indie, pop, electro, all of it. Dance to the gayest jams. 10pm, The Know, 2026 NE Alberta. Free.

Hip Hop Heaven. Bolivia Carmichaels hosts this hip-hop-heavy jam night every Thursday night at CCs. 9pm, CC Slaughters, 219 NW Davis. Free.

FIRST SATURDAYS Sugar Town. DJ Action Slacks. Keywords: Soul, polyester. 9pm, The Spare Room, 4830 NE 42. $5.

Maricón! DJs Moisti and Ill Camino are redefining the Eagle with their beloved once-month dance party. For homos and their homeys. 10pm, Eagle Portland, 835 N Lombard. $3.

SECOND SUNDAYS Bear Paw Bust. Keyword: beer bust. Bears, beverages, and boys (men). 4pm, Eagle Portland, 835 N. Lombard. Free.

Silverado’s Beer Bust. (Every Sunday.) Sweet jams, lots of skin (the dancers, not yours), and our city’s beloved Stan, making all the jokes via microphone. 4pm, 318 SW 3, Free.

SECOND THURSDAYS I’ve Got a Hole in My Soul. Three keywords, the most important being: DJ Beyondadoubt. Others: soul, shimmy. 9pm, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. $5.

SECOND FRIDAYS BMP/GRND. Portland’s only queer dance night devoted entirely to that tragic(ally wonderful) decade.

DJs Kasio Smashio and Rhienna. Wear 90s gear, get in on the cheap. 9pm, The Foggy Notion, 3416 N. Lombard. Free before 10pm, $5 after, $3 w/ themed attire.

SECOND SATURDAYS Realness, Category Is…: Eagle Portland takes on the ubiquitous theme night, with a new one each month. Bridge Club boys Hold My Hand and Little Bear make the blessed noise. 9pm, Eagle Portland, 835 N Lombard. $3.

Mrs.: The queen of theme. Most recent: Clueless.

How’s that for perfection? And DJ perfection: BeyonFRIDAY, FEBRUARY 1.

LUMBERTWINK PDX: Furballs, furball-adjacent, and sans-furball — grab your flannels and head to this beard-friendly social where you’ll find drinkin’, dancin’, and mutual beardrubbing. Bridge Club phenoms DJ Pocket Rock-It and Orographic. 9pm, Funhouse, 2432 SE 11. $2 in plaid, $4 without.

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dadoubt and Ill Camino. Costumes, photo booths, all the hits. 10pm, Mississippi Studios, 3939 N. Mississippi. $5.

THIRD THURSDAYS Polari. Back-in-the-day language, music, and elegance. An ease-you-into-the-weekend mixer. Bridge Club boys make the music. Vault patrons have no idea what to do with us when we pour in. 10pm, Vault, 226 NW 12. Free.

THIRD FRIDAYS Homodeluxe. Beloved icons Mr. Charming and Roy G Biv invade downtown. Help make their party something the bridge and tunnel folk will remember forever.

10pm, Saucebox, 214 SW Broadway. Free.

Ruthless! Eastside deluxe. DJs Bruce LaBruiser, Ill Camino. The fiercest jams all night, they do what they want. 10pm, Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. $3.

THIRD SATURDAYS Gaycation all you ever wanted. DJs Charming and Snow Tiger. Get there early so you can actually get a drink. Sweaty deliciousness, hot babes. 9pm, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. $3.

Nuttz 2 Buttz. It is exactly what it sounds like.

Maricon’s kid brother. DJs Moisti, Ill Camino. Booty shakes. Hug Moisti! Eagle Portland, 835 N Lombard. $3.

FOURTH SUNDAYS Gender Abundant Square Dance. All-ages goodness. 7pm, The Village Ballroom, 700 NE Deckum. All ages! $7.

FOURTH FRIDAYS Twerk. DJs Slutshine and II Trill. Keywords: old school. So much dancing. 9pm, Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. Free!

Double X Dance. Bears, scruff, musk. 9pm, Embers Avenue, 110 NW Broadway.

Fourth Saturdays Inferno! DJs Wildfire and D-Zel. Ladies, ladies, ladies.

Rotating venue — check online for the latest!

Blow Pony. This beast of a dance party takes up two giant floors. Wide variety of music, plenty of room for dancing. Rowdy, crowdy, sweaty betty. 9pm, Rotture/Branx, 315 SE 3. $5.

Hey Queen! The more intimate, shoulder-to-shoulder choice. Bruce LaBruiser and special guests. Always fabulous. 9pm, Beulahland, 118 NE 28. Free.

LAST FRIDAYS Temple! Downtown dancing goodness at everyone’s favorite dive bar. Rotating DJs of late have included Kasio Smashio and Pocket Rock-It. 10pm, The Matador, 1967 W Burnside. Free is a very good price.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 16.

GAYCATION’S SEVENTH ANNIVERSARY BASH! Yes, Gaycation crosses that lucky number threshold and principal architect Mr. Charming promises they’ve got “quite a night” in the works. 9pm to late, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. $5.

January/February 2013 • 21

NIGHTLIFE

HOT PANTS AND HER MR. CHARMING Portland’s beloved duo dishes about parties, gay bars, and guilty pleasures

Katey Pants, right, recently kissed Bent goodbye. Mary Charming, left, prepares to celebrate Gaycation’s seventh anniversary.

By Daniel Borgen PQ Monthly

Portland’s nightlife is a gorgeous queer kaleidoscope; anyone who says our city doesn’t have a “scene” simply doesn’t know where to look. Even in this crazily diverse landscape, though, two names regularly stand out. Katey Pants (Roy G Biv) and Mary Charming (Mr. Charming) — who also happen to make the sexiest power couple — have their names all over Portland’s most exciting nightout adventures. We chatted with them about Gaycation, the end of Bent, the state of queer nights — a whole array of topics.

PQ Monthly: I hear from queers (especially dudes) all the time that they’re sad we have fewer bars and more queer nights now. What’s your take on the state of homo dance parties and clubs? Have we simply outgrown them?

Katey Pants: It’s funny to hear that from dudes, mainly because I can name at least five spaces in Portland less than four miles away from one another that are implicitly or tacitly queer-dude-only spaces. There are no spaces explicitly for self-identified queer women. And many of those queer dude spaces have made it clear that queer women are not welcome — which sucks.

It’s hard to say what I think about the dissolution of explicitly gay/lesbian bars because those spaces are so complicated. On one hand, they give queers on the margins actual space to hold and that space is important and necessary. On the other, these clubs are often gross to be in, tacky in design, totally transphobic, and it feels like a liquor ad threw up on you — which also sucks.

The large prevalence of queer nights all over town is because of the failure of the gay bars to provide fun/afford22 • January-February 2013

Photo by Jeffrey Horvitz, PQ Monthly

able/safer spaces for all kinds of queers, but also because party planning and DJing doesn’t just belong to highly-paid promoters and club owners anymore. It belongs to a lot of broke queers now, too. However, I do want to see a small, visually-appealing, hella queer bar on the north or east side of Portland. So if anyone wants to invest in me and Mary owning one — let me know.

Mary Charming: Queer nights are the only option I have in this town because there aren’t any queer or lady bars. To me, hosting a queer night is a way to create a space where we can come together, dance, and not be too lofty — but maybe forget about the rest of the shitty straight world for awhile.

PQ: When did you start playing? What was your first gig?

KP: My first gig, party, working the door — anything — was Bent. I had no idea what I was doing. I have a little bit more of an idea what I’m doing now. When I first started, I only owned the music I was playing, which I had been collecting for about 15 years. I didn’t have any equipment and was borrowing someone else’s computer to play music on software I only researched. I think I even borrowed the cords from my girlfriend for a good year before I had my own. After I realized people were actually going to come to Bent, I put my computer and controller on layaway for a year and taught myself how to DJ. MC: 2004, 2005? I first starting putting on a night called Snatch at the Doug Fir, with Aubree Bernier Clarke, when they first opened. That was when I learned to DJ. About six months later, we got the opportunity to start a night at Holocene and that was the beginning of Gaycation.

PQ: Mary, seven years of Gaycation? Is that real?

What’s the secret to your party’s success?

MC: Yes, it’s real! I can’t believe it sometimes. We’ve been fortunate to work with folks at an amazing venue, Holocene, and they’ve always given us great support. I’ve heard from so many people that Gaycation was the first gay night they came to when first moving to Portland, so while we definitely have regulars (that we love), there’s always new faces. Oh, and I think Gaycation is the first time I’ve had perfect attendance for anything. I should also mention that Feb. 16 is our seventh anniversary and we’ve got quite a night in the works.

PQ: Katey, you recently said goodbye to Bent at what was probably the most fun dance party I’d been to all year. Why did you feel like it was time to bid it adieu? What’s next?

KP: Three years is a long time to do a party and I want to be doing other things. So, instead of being half-checked in to my party and turning out something that could potentially be garbage, I decided to be intentional about ending it so it could remain well-loved. I was really grateful for that space and could not ask for better people to work with — the folks at The Foggy Notion and the hardcore Bent fans.

When I started Bent, there wasn’t another queer party in N/NE Portland (Fruitcake was taken from us too soon), and now there are more than I can count. I love those monthlies but I do not want my work to be absolved into being just another party. I feel deeply committed to curating affordable, creative, nasty, feminist, body-positive, safer, hotter, sweaty, better spaces with — not for — my greater community.

I’m working on a quarterly queer dance party I’m hoping will be more of an experience than just a party. It’ll seek to blend local talent with international talent, visuals that are fun and silly, photography that documents the uniqueness of our community, music that is danceable and has a lot of depth to it. It’s called Control Top and the first one is Saturday, March 23, at White Owl Social Club. Our special guest is JD Samson (MEN/Le Tigre), with locals Bruce LaBruiser, Mr. Charming, and Deya Card. Control Top will also be taking over Pride June 15 — stay tuned.

PQ: Katey, you’re rarely seen without your lover (and every gay boy’s wet dream), Mary. How is it living together and often working together?

KP: It’s objectively awesome. It’s a lot of work. It’s just what we do. I’m consumed by my work and am very controlling over my creative projects. I don’t believe you can have a quality anything without a mechanism of relentless and constant planning, reflection, and criticism — which I do for myself pretty well. Mary is a constant well of talent, wisdom, support, love, temperance, and is genuinely a nice person. She is also pretty much the only person I trust enough to relinquish creative control over any project I do.

What it looks like professionally for us is setting boundaries, being humble, working really hard, being really kind to each other, and not getting drunk before midnight.

PQ: Mary, that running joke about gay dudes all over the city crushing on you — yes, I said crushing — does it ever annoy you?

MC: Nope, not one bit.

PQ: What’s your go-to drunk — or hangover — restaurant?

KP: Home. I am tired of poor quality, over-hyped, twohour brunch waits in Portland. Plus, me and my crew are loud, annoying party girls. It’s probably a blessing to all that we’re not at the table next to you.

MC: I like cereal at night and huge breakfast sandwiches in the morning.

PQ: What’s your favorite guilty pleasure TV show?

Album? pants and charming page 23

pqmonthly.com

ARTS & CULTURE

LOST (AND FOUND) IN THE MUSIC

DJ Monika MHz credits music with saving her life.

Photo by Jeffrey Horvitz, PQ Monthly

By Erin Rook PQ Monthly

Monika London grew up surrounded by music. The Portland-based DJ and producer, who goes by Monika MHz, starting laying down beats at a young age on her toy drum and Sesame Street record player. Her mother’s vast record collection offered London an education in the best of Motown and disco, while she learned classical performance on tenor saxophone (and eventually other instruments).

“I think there was probably never a time in my life that wasn’t dominated by music,” London, 28, says. “Music

pants and charming Continued from page 22

KP: Well, I like to create spaces where people don’t feel guilt or shame about their tastes in almost anything. But I like lots of things that are considered not feminist enough and not cool enough. It’s no secret that “Ice Loves Coco” is one of my favorite TV shows and I listen to a lot of classical music and classical jazz in my spare time. Other shit I like that’s really not cool: mainstream rap (which isn’t playing on any Portland radio station), all mariachi music (it reminds me of home), and hair metal (because it’s so good).

Things I don’t like that are considered feminist and cool: Riot Girl music (I find it culturally significant, it’s just not pqmonthly.com

has absolutely contributed to saving my life and I know it’s saved others. It helps us find something truer about ourselves…. I helped find myself through losing myself in music.”

The person she found is a nerdy, feminist, electronic musician who also happens to be trans.

For years, London has blended as cisgender, her trans status only coming up in dating situations. She wasn’t making a particular effort to live under the radar, she just figured it wasn’t anybody’s business — and why should she be held accountable for how others perceived her identity, anyway?

But lately, she’s been thinking about the potential positive impact of inviting the world into her life. London, a queer-identified Latina, is an activist for gender, romantic, and sexual minorities (she prefers GRSM to LGBTQ). She’s even writing a book that seeks to reconcile modern trans feminism with other takes on feminism.

“Part of the goal of doing what I’m doing now is to open up a new avenue,” London says of her decision to disclose her trans status. “Now is a really important time to move forward with this work.”

London was inspired to speak out after her friend and former People.com editor Janet Mock shared her transition story in 2011 with Marie Claire magazine. She started to feel claustrophobic about the extent to which she was restricting that part of herself from her interactions, activism, and music.

“That was a really compelling moment for me. For the first time I saw a woman more like me being profiled in one of these types of articles,” London says. “Just being a trans woman of color existing in her body is a radical fucking thing. It blew my mind. Basically, I’ve spent my time since that moment working up to this moment.”

By lending her voice to an increasingly visible community of trans women of color, London hopes to break barriers and change perceptions of what it means to be trans.

She wants to stand from her position of relative safety to speak out for those who cannot.

“Too many people don’t have the safety, the ability. They can’t or won’t [live openly]. I wanted to do it so that someday it won’t matter anymore,” London says. “It won’t matter someday who is trans and who isn’t because it shouldn’t — it doesn’t change the value of the individual and our voice.”

But the strength of London’s conviction doesn’t dilute the fears that come with her newfound vulnerability. There’s familial impact to think about, the potential for career retaliation, possible blow back within the queer community, the risk of violence. Her fears aren’t unfounded. Trans women of color experience the highest rates of violence among LGBTQ people. And no matter how close the letters are in the acronym, queer folks are not immune to transphobia, racism, and other ignorant bigotry.

“I know I’ve had women — even here in Portland —

who were hitting on me, turning angry and accusing me of violently deceiving them by just sitting at a bar and being someone they were attracted to,” London says. “It’s never a pleasant experience to feel someone shift so immediately from flirting to disgust so quickly.”

These experiences, along with the stereotypes she’s heard perpetuated by queer folks about trans women — that they are either “sexually-violent infiltrators caricaturing ‘real’ women” or “uptight, un-fun, unfunny, un-sexy, and shy” — have shaped London’s concerns about disclosing.

“I honestly never wanted to risk losing something so powerful and so important like community. But it’s my belief that maybe we can be better than that. It’s my belief that in Portland and beyond we are at the cusp of a time when my fears are just a dated piece of history,” London says. “I’ve always felt like Portland would be one of the best places to live openly as a queer trans woman of color.”

She also worries about how she’ll react to these fears.

She has only recently become comfortable with wearing “masculine” clothing and doesn’t want to stop being herself out of a fear-induced compulsion to fit others’ ideas of femininity.

“When I bought my first button up shirt and T-shirt, I felt like for the first time I was being more authentic,” she says. “The way I present is something I feel incredibly comfortable with now. I couldn’t have imagined it six years ago.

This [disclosure] is certainly part of it. This is kind of a step in being more authentic.”

But if anything, it is the ways in which London’s life diverges from the standard issue trans narrative that gives her story the power influence people’s perceptions.

“I think whether we’re talking about the Latin, queer, women’s, or house music communities, the main thing I’d hope to accomplish is that people expand and reshape their idea of who a trans woman is,” she says. “That we are more than an abstract, far off curiosity; more than a vague approximation of a woman built for the pleasure of others and patriarchy; more than a joke to laugh at behind closed doors; and more than a dead woman on television. That we are full flesh-and-blood human beings bursting with life, desires, hopes, dreams, joys, pet peeves, loves, and passions; and we span the full and rich diversities that reflect those of all of us as people.”

Trans women, she points out, are everywhere and they look like every kind of woman — including the Latina house DJ with the shock of cherry red and platinum hair and a punky fashion sense.

“I fought to be who I am. And that fight was not in vain,” London says. “And I think that is a powerful message. That you can fight to be who you are and it can be a success.

Like, yes, I am who I am now. And I have all the right to be who I am just as much as everybody else.”

my jam), Rihanna (girl sounds bored all the time), Robyn’s album “Body Talk” (seriously people, there are other songs out there), and most poetry.

MC: “That’s So Raven” starring Raven Symone — who, if you recall, was outed last year. About that: it was a Saturday morning and I was in the shower when Katey comes running into the bathroom holding the computer and said, “I was going to wait until you got out of the shower but I knew you’d be mad if I didn’t tell you right away: Raven Symone is GAY.” I screamed, “I knew it!” for the next five minutes.

PQ: If you could fix one thing about queer Portland, what would it be?

MC: Having a lesbian bar.

KP: Queer Portland needs to learn to talk about racism and white supremacy outside of cultural appropriation.

Queer Portland also needs to have some good learning around transphobia. This is hard work, it’s not going to be pretty, and sometimes won’t feel good, but it has to be done. I’d like to see real, earnest work that isn’t shit-talking and call-outs on Facebook and instead is fighting the real power in the streets, educating each other, and building strong communities of care and interdependence. I’ll knock it off with the armchair activism now.

Listen to London’s music at monicamhz.com.

Follow Katey and Control Top at www.facebook. com/bentpdx. Find Mary by searching “Gaycation” on Facebook.

January/February 2013 • 23

ARTS & CULTURE

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HEART OF FLESH

By Nick Mattos PQ Monthly

3:27 a.m. Tuesday morning, and the night is so heavy sometimes. I lie on my back in my bed, the white comforter down around my waist, and the weight of the nighttime lies against the bare skin of my chest like a garment. Every radiator in my little apartment is on high and they hiss softly in symphony to the click-click-click of the ceiling fan spinning in midair, blowing warm air around to fight the chill of the winter.

I’ve been an insomniac as long as I can remember. When I was perhaps 8 years old, I remember my mother shuffling into my room at bedtime with a glass of milk and a blue pill split in half.

“What is this?” I asked.

“Tylenol PM,” my mother, who was likely very tired of having a child who wouldn’t sleep, replied with a weary sigh. “It’ll help you fall asleep.”

Now, I am 29 years old, wishing I had some of my mother’s Tylenol PM. My body is tired, exhausted even, but my mind is racing. Folks in recovery, the sort who’d probably scoff at giving a child sleeping pills, sometimes talk about “freight train brain” as a symptom of having an addictive personality; I’d expand this out to also include having the sort of physiology that results in one lying sleepless in bed at 3:30 a.m. on a Tuesday morning.

The thoughts come, indeed with the frightening speed and mass of freight train. I think of the kids who kill kids, the ones who pick up their guns and head off to school to enter the terrible headlines. What goes through their minds as they step out of the door with their weapons in hand? I wonder how their homes look through their eyes, how their familiar streets appear to them in that state, how much of it I could see, too, and how much would be projected out from the madness inside them. Do those kids perceive anything real at that point, or has their personal veil separating sanity and insanity been ripped so far asunder that the distinction doesn’t exist anymore?

The radiator hisses, the fan spins above me, and I worry — how intact is that veil for the people around me? How intact is mine?

3:33 a.m., my phone’s screen declares.

Years ago, when I first started working as a columnist, I would sometimes wake up at this hour with a fully-formed essay in my

head as though I wrote it while dreaming.

I would rush to the computer, type it down in a sleepy frenzy, wake up in the morning and edit. Long before the columns started to come, though, this was the time I would wake up gripped in a panic attack, sputtering to breathe as my brain spun out of control.

I set two fingers onto the side of my neck, the pad of my thumb resting on my Adam’s apple — a normal heartbeat, not the frantic crisis pace of panic. I have no idea what to write about and no impulse to leap out of bed to do it. Through the glass pane of the window, I hear the bray of the train whistle, the chug-chug of the wheels running over the tracks, the reverberation of the sounds through Ladd’s Addition before dissipating back into silence.

A few years back, local theatre group defunkt presented Sarah Kane’s play “4:48 Psychosis.” The title derives from the time, 4:48 a.m., when the deeply-depressed Kane would awaken, each day newly confronted with her personal demons. Watching it performed by defunkt in a tiny black box theatre, I was enraptured by the wondrous truth that someone else sat up in the loneliest hour of the night — that Kane probably understood rising out of bed and writing frantically, certainly knew what it was like to have your brain work against you.

Kane killed herself before “4:48 Psychosis” was ever staged. How intact was the veil between her sanity and madness? How intact is mine, now that the clock reads 3:42 a.m.?

I roll over onto my side, close my eyes.

The worst part of insomnia isn’t the sleeplessness, really — it’s what comes with the sleeplessness, the absolute and justified feeling that you may be going crazy. It’s unquestionably painful to possess a human mind, one that races and frets and does its best to figure out what’s going on with such limited perception; however, the latenight thoughts, the ones that otherwise get hidden behind dreams and the deep haze of REM sleep, are the hardest ones to deal with.

I lie in my bed, my eyes closed, willing sleep to come. Within the cage of my ribs, there is a pulse, a rhythmic push back against the weight of the night on my chest.

I stay with my heartbeat, following it with my awareness as the thoughts keep coming, returning over and over to the space within my ribs and the chug-chug of the heart of flesh that keeps me alive. I lie still and somehow, miraculously, sleep begins to settle over me in the darkness.

Nick Mattos is a writer and yoga teacher living in Southeast Portland who is constantly amazed by how many ways there are to sleep badly.

Reach him at nick@pqmonthly.com.

24 • January-February 2013

pqmonthly.com

ARTS & CULTURE

BIG GAY BEARD: ‘I LOVE TO EAT’ INVITES YOU TO THE HOME AND HEART OF JAMES BEARD

Rob Nagle stars as James Beard in “I Love to Eat,” a play by James Still.

Photo by Patrick Weishampel

By Julie Cortez PQ Monthly

He dearly loved food, entertaining, travel, his home state of Oregon, and fame — and James Beard would surely have relished the star treatment he receives in “I Love to Eat,” a one-man play presented by Portland Center Stage through Feb. 3.

ALSO ON THE BOARDS …

Wendy Westerwelle and Ritah Parrish in “25 Questions for a Jewish Mother.”

Here’s a sneak-peek at some of the other fabulously queer theatrical works coming to local stages. Did we miss something? Email us at info@pqmonthly.com and be sure to visit pqmonthly.com to submit events directly to our online community calendar.

The Fertile Ground City-Wide Festival of New Work — featuring dozens of plays in pqmonthly.com

To some, the Portland-born Beard is a gastronomic hero for sharing his knowledge and appreciation of high-quality, seasonal, down-to-earth food with the masses via the first television cooking show and his numerous cookbooks. To others, he is merely a name on a plaque declaring a fine restaurant’s chef the winner of the James Beard Award, or the large, grinning bald man on the back of an old food-splattered book on someone’s shelf.

Playwright James Still fell into the latter category. “I Love to Eat” is not the result of “some long-held obsession with cooking through all of James Beards’ cookbooks,” he says, but of Still’s incredulity upon reading a footnote about Beard hosting television’s first foray into cooking shows all the way back in 1946 — 17 years before Julia Child made her onscreen debut.

“That took me down the rabbit hole of trying to investigate whether or not it was true,” Still says. What he discovered was an “incredibly complex, tender, funny, outrageous, interesting man who really did blaze a trail in terms of how we think about food….

I think it’s impossible to read just a tiny bit about [Beard] and not be intrigued — and delighted and mystified.”

The playwright interviewed people who’d been close to Beard, some for 30 to 40 years. Friends, folks he’d mentored, his editor — “people who knew him and cared so much about him,” and who shared Still’s growing impression that Beard “deserves his day in the sun.”

“They each had a slightly different version of who he was,” Still says. “In the end, he was a bit of a mystery.”

One thing that was never a mystery to those in his life was his sexuality. Born in 1903, “He knew he was gay from a very young age,” Still says.

Yet, catering to an audience of cookbook-buying housewives in the ‘50s and ‘60s, Beard had a public persona and brand to uphold and protect.

venues throughout Portland, Jan. 24-Feb. 3 — will include two particularly queer offerings: PDX Playwrights’ “The Godmother” ( Jan 27, 8 p.m., HipBone Studio, 1847 E. Burnside) and Fuse Theatre Ensemble’s “Sonnetscape” (Jan. 31-Feb. 3, Arena Stage at Theater! Theatre!, 3430 SE Belmont St.).

A staged reading of a play written by Sandra deHelen, “The Godmother” centers on a young butch lesbian whose crime family bristles at her leadership after the murder of her brother.

Fuse has been working on “Sonnetscape” for the last year — workshopping it at Q Center and giving it a spin during the Portland Outdoor Shakespeare Festival during the summer. This multimedia performance piece examines the possibility that Shakespeare’s sonnets are rife with professions of homosexual love.

For full details on these and other Fertile Ground works, visit www.fertilegroundpdx.org.

Also on Fuse’s horizon is “(…),” Jan. 24Feb. 3 on the Arena Stage at Theater! Theatre! Director Rusty Tennant describes

“He didn’t live in the closet,” Still observes, “but he didn’t live as an out gay man.”

The adored chef was lonely — he struggled in his quest for true, reciprocated romantic love — but he was open with his friends and comfortable in his own skin.

“I never got the sense that he pretended to be something he wasn’t,” Still says, adding that he was struck by how at ease Beard seemed in his rotund figure — he once took his shirt off for a magazine photo shoot — and by “how graceful he was and how in his body he was.”

If Beard had been ashamed of being gay, Still insists, “he would have walked through the world in a different way.”

As Beard, actor Rob Nagle radiates the grace, confidence, wit, and joie de vivre Still describes, and director Jessica Kubzansky has helmed a production Photo by Patrick Weishampel that feels like an intimate conversation with the gregarious chef — despite the fact that attendees are treated as a couple hundred house guests Beard has “conjured” — as Still puts it — into his New York brownstone in the middle of the night.

“We are, in fact, his company,” Still says of the audience.

And he hopes it is a happy audience, as the significance of bringing the play to Beard’s hometown is not lost on the playwright. (“I Love to Eat” premiered in Indianapolis in 2011 and was picked up by a theater in Washington, D.C., 2012). Still expects Beard’s fellow Portlanders will be “the most generous and the most critical” in their appraisal of his work.

He just hopes his “great, fierce love for Mr. Beard, and for theater” shines through as strongly as Beard’s plus-size personality does.

“I Love to Eat” opened Jan. 8 and runs through Feb. 3 at Portland Center Stage’s Gerding Theater at the Armory. For tickets and information, visit pcs.org or call 503-445-3700.

“(…)” as “a devised piece that will focus on an average lesbian couple and their average roommate who engage in some less-thanaverage activities.” Beyond that, he insists: “No spoilers.” Visit fusepdx.org or call 971238-3873 for tickets and information.

Immigrant advocacy group Causa Oregon is in the market for volunteers to help produce its “LGBT Theater Play Project.” Two separate casts will tour Oregon performing two versions of an original play — one in English and one in Spanish — in an attempt to illustrate the issues affecting LGBTQ immigrants and to help connect people to needed resources. Causa seeks a wide variety of volunteers for the production side of the effort, as well as actors from diversity of age ranges. Production meetings will be held every Thursday in January, from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. at the Stingray Café (240 N Broadway, Portland). A casting call for actors will be held Feb. 3 (location to be announced). Rehearsals will begin Feb. 5 and last for six weeks, three times per week.

At least eight performances will be held around the state on the weekends. Inter-

ested? Contact Christian Baeff at christian@ causaoregon.org or 503-737-7014, or show up to one of the production team meetings.

Find Causa LGBT on Facebook for regular updates. triangle productions! presents “25 Questions for a Jewish Mother,” starring Ritah Parrish and Wendy Westerwelle, Feb. 7-24 at The Sanctuary at Sandy Plaza (1785 NE Sandy Blvd MB # 2, Portland). Written by Emmy-winning comic Judy Gold with her partner, Kate Moira Ryan, the play is based on over 50 interviews with Jewish mothers across the nation. Visit tripro.org or call 503239-5919 or all the details.

The Oregon Shakespeare Festival’s 2013 season begins in February, and “The Unfortunates” (March 22-Nov. 2) and “The Liquid Plan” (July 22-Nov. 3) will be of particular interest to the LGBTQ community, according to OSF media and communications manager Amy E. Richard. To reveal why, she says, would be risk presenting a spoiler.

Also, three words: My. Fair. Lady. Intrigued?

Visit osfashland.org.

January/February 2013 • 25

WHISKEY & SYMPATHY Dear Sophia and Gula, So, my boyfriend and I have been together for two years. Everything is great; we rarely fight, aside from the usual “stop-leaving-your-underwear-on-the-bathroom-floor” scenario. The other night, though, we got into a biiiig fight, and it’s been left sort of unresolved. I made some passing, innocuous comment about how I thought this butch lesbian DJ was really hot, and he gave me the third degree. I couldn’t muster a great response, except to basically admit, yeah, part of me finds her sexually attractive. Why the hell is it so hard for me to defend myself and why the hell did he get so riled up? The tiff made me feel like a sexually-confused teenager again.

Perplexed in Parkrose

Dear Double P,

237 NE Broadway #101

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26 • January-February 2013

Perplexed in Parkrose,

The thing about relationships is that they are always shifting and changing dynamics. Certain things happen that can create the best situation or start a mega dramatic fight. Usually there is something underlying that can determine the real reason a person is upset.

When you are in the thick of the fight, neither party can usually communicate their needs or wants well enough. I always suggest giving each other some time for flared temperaments and emotions to calm down before trying to discuss what the problem was. Each person is able to be more level-headed and able to express themselves the way that will actually get through to the other person, so there can be some closure to the argument/discussion.

Jealousy is a natural human emotion. It arises when an individual feels insecure or anxious over a particular subject.

Jealousy can make people do some pretty irrational things, especially when it involves a partner, lover, or spouse.

One of the most important things to do is validate your boyfriend’s emotions and feelings. A few things to ask yourself: Was he having a low self-esteem day? Was there another issue that was occurring at that time? Has he been cheated on in the past and he was slightly reminded of that?

Sometimes outside influences can make mountains out of molehills. While you are being sensitive to him, he also needs to be sensitive to you and realize that you were simply appreciating someone, not hoping to hump them in the bathroom.

I want to point out that you did nothing wrong. Just as jealousy is a natural emotion, attraction is a natural occurrence. Being partnered does not automatically make other sexy people disappear. Your feelings of adolescence probably comes from a small inner voice of shame brought on by the argument. Within the argument, things may have been said that created a situation of him being the scolding parent and you being the misbehaving teenager.

All in all, I think if each of you has an opportunity to state what you are feeling and why you are feeling it you will be able to find closure in this argument and move on to the next one. ;)

Fights are rarely about the topic at hand; they seem to stem from other issues lying dormant. Pressure builds and small problems can start a flare up, then enough pressure and a huge eruption can happen. A bad day at work, lack of sleep, and a comment about the underwear in the bathroom — then out comes a burst of anger lava! The lava finds its way to the sea and cools. You are letting out small bursts of pressure and the small fights are over.

I had a relationship that was all unicorns and rainbows.

Never fought, happy as can be — until my best friend moved to town and he was jealous! Not one word to me about it.

About six months had gone by trying to keep up my smile, but knowing there is something wrong. The pressure cooker blew over a heated pool game with my man and my bestie.

By the end of the night I realized he didn’t know where he fit and never asked and I knew something was wrong, but I never asked.

Now the comment of you finding another (man or woman) attractive sounds to me like you are putting two thumbs against a ripe zit and adding the pressure! Deep issues could be being pinched right now. Being cranky and under-slept and then being told by your partner they are attracted to another might be squeezing some self-esteem issues. He might be thinking: Will you leave him for a DJ? Can a woman give you something he can’t? Is he over me?

When you are confronting personal issues in a relationship it’s hard to remember you are connected to someone else and your feelings and emotions can affect your partner.

Don’t be a sexually confused teenager! Was this comment a bubbling uprising of sexual confusion, puss? Did you pop that zip on purpose? Do you feel better getting it out? Is confusion affecting your relationship or your life?

You use the words “defend myself” as if you were being attacked and you needed a quick comeback. Why do you have to defend yourself if you are telling the truth? You might need a little soul searching to make sure you know what you want and make it right with that boy. He sounds pretty good.

Sophia

Gula

Need some advice from Sophia and Gula? Send your query — with “Whiskey & Sympathy” in the subject line — to info@pqmonthly.com.

business.pqmonthly.com

Sophia St. James has been an erotic entertainer since 1996. She has traveled performing and educating the public on self confidence, self worth, and the art of sensuality no matter their outer appearance. Working as a sex and sensuality educator, sex toy/product reviewer, adult film director/producer, model, and erotic visual performer, Sophia is a well rounded woman with drive and determination. Sophia is also a mother and healthcare professional who takes pride in being a body positive and sex positive fierce femme.

Gula Delgatto’s life began in a small rural farming town in Romaina. She was scouted singing in a rocky field picking potatoes by a producer of a “Mickey Mouse Club” type ensemble. While touring the Americas the group fell apart due to jealousies and drugs. She later transitioned from Vaudeville to starring on the big screen to woman’s prison, and eventually advised the Dali Lama on fashion n-stuff. Currently she’s taking her life knowledge and giving back in an advice column for PQ.

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ARTS & CULTURE

PONDERLUST STEPPING INTO THE SKY

By Erin Rook PQ Monthly

I am sitting on the bedroom floor, tarot cards spread out in front of me. I’m not sold on this approach to knowing, but I figure if anyone’s capable of reading my mind it ought to be me. And so, I take a deep breath and hope that I inherited some magic from my great-grandmother, the medium.

I don’t remember what the cards told me, only that the answer didn’t satisfy. I wanted Magic 8 Ball clarity — for the truth of who I am to be decidedly so, without a doubt, yes — but the mirror I held up to my still foggy mind couldn’t deliver.

I’ve never been good at making decisions.

The 50-50 probability of choosing incorrectly haunts me every time. Approaching a yellow traffic light gives me a tiny panic attack. Do I embrace risk, hold my breath, and speed through? Or do I slam on the brakes at the last minute, potentially frustrating the forward motion of those behind me?

The tarot cards were not my only copout attempt to answer what is arguably life’s biggest question — Who am I? I took online surveys, analyzed the pros and cons of embracing one option over another, asked people who had struggled with similar questions how they knew.

Meanwhile, I wrote a column for Query a Queer attempting to answer that very question for someone else: “How does someone know if they are gay or trans?” the query began.

My response — which at times danced around the issue by focusing on the fluidity of identity and diversity of individual experiences — ended with words I sorely needed to hear: Identity is like a relationship with yourself. Some folks are lucky enough to meet their true selves early in life. Others don’t make that connection until later, after going through some failed relationships with themselves.

I knew my relationship with myself wasn’t serving me. I felt like I hardly knew myself. I didn’t recognize the person in the mirror. But change is scary. So is letting go.

What if the new me can’t live up to the me I’ve grown used to?

No matter how we come to understand our identities, what matters is that we strive to be honest and loving with ourselves and others. If we do that, everything else should fall into place.

Falling is what it feels like. I close my eyes and trust that honesty and self-love will unfurl

like a parachute at just the right moment. But sometimes, it takes stepping out into the sky to know what you’re made of.

(To be fair, jumping out of a plane is easier than this. You don’t believe me, but it’s true. I’ve done it. Signed my initials next to the repeated reminders that I COULD DIE and jumped out of a perfectly good airplane.)

And sometimes, you have to say a thing out loud to know if it’s true. The harder it is to say, the more true it likely is.

Unfortunately, you can’t keep secrets from yourself, so once the thought has been thunk, your subconscious knows what’s what. That’s probably why, even as I struggled to speak the words, “I am trans,” I began daydreaming about how I’d wear my facial hair, what style of clothes would flatter my finally masculine form, how good it would feel to never be called “ma’am” again.

It wasn’t until that future began to take shape in my imagination that I could recognize my path. See, I never felt a connection to my body. We always had a “Freaky Friday” sort of relationship. I figured I was just borrowing this body, so I did my best to treat it kindly and keep it reasonably wellgroomed. Not because it was mine, but because that’s what you do when you’re bodysitting.

But over time, I started to long for the body I imagined I would one day have — you know, once I stood in a room with it and we said the magic phrase that reversed the swap. After the person who’s supposed to live here came back from vacation.

We weren’t always happy housemates, my body and I, but we did our best to ignore each other and go about our business. But that’s not authenticity. That’s not wholeness.

As much as part of me would like to travel this path in the dappled light of a secluded forest, I can’t deny the mountaintop I’ve been gifted. And so I stand here, in full view. Opening up to the world as it so generously does to me.

I am not brave, but I am inspired by those who give of themselves up so readily, speaking their most tender truths despite a history of hurt in the hope that someone, somewhere, will see themselves and breathe a sigh of relief.

This is the power of storytelling, the force with which the truth knocks the wind out of us, pops our hearts out into our hands, and lets us gaze upon them.

Erin used to write a column called “Query a Queer.” Never one to leave a question unanswered, Erin welcomes all queries big and small and may continue to answer them on the blog while he uses this space to ponder life’s twists and turns. Send questions, high fives, and Polaroids of your heart to erin@pqmonthly.com. pqmonthly.com

January/February 2013 • 27

BOOKS

CURLING UP FOR THE WINTER PQ Monthly readers (and writers) suggest books to get you through the rainy months

“‘The Girl Who Couldn’t Come’ by Joey Comeau is pornography from the viewpoint of vandals, queer hipsters, and the mentally ill. There is a good chance you fall into all three of those categories. Read it to get ready for the trouble you are going to cause.” — Ryan Jay Joey Comeau — creator of the acclaimed webcomic “A Softer World” — shows sex in all of its fun, strange, and disturbing glory in this collection of erotica. With stories showcasing a wide variety of orientations, gender identities, and neuroses, Comeau weaves together highly realistic sex with bizarre, often disturbing twists that include ghost fetishes, old Johnny Cash records, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. The result: readers will be almost as turned on as they are weirded-out.

(2011: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform) “I really love ‘Thrive: The Vegan Nutrition Guide to Optimal Performance in Sports and Life’ by Brendan Brazier. It helps you understand how to consume the nutrients your body actually needs for various types of activity, and it features some delicious, mostly raw recipes. I was astounded by the concept of ‘nutritional stress,’ and ‘Thrive’ gives good advice on how to reduce it.” — Robin Renee In “Thrive,” Ironman triathlete and ultramarathon competitor Brendan Brazier calls for athletes — and those who wish to look and live like one — to overhaul their diets in order to maximize their health and the health of the planet. Focusing on whole-foods nutrition that maximizes nutrients and minimizes reliance on the processed foods of the standard Western diet, Brazier’s plan promises that a reconsideration of how we feed ourselves can lead to total transformation in our bodies, minds, and even political lives. The result may just be the jump-start you need to meet your fitness goals while setting you on a course to life-long health. (2008: Da Capo) “I can’t recommend Martha Sherrill’s novel, ‘The Ruins of California,’ highly enough. On the surface, it’s a story of a family struggling to balance the freedom of the 1970s with the impulse to stay faithful to loving one another; however, on a deeper level it’s a subtle and marvelous look at the ways that we let our hearts deceive us in order to think we’re ‘living the dream.’” — Nick Mattos “The Ruins of California” tells the story of Inez Ruin — a teenage girl tossed between a traditional suburban upbringing with her mother and abuelita in Los Angeles and a wild, countercultural life with her computer scientist father and hippie surfer brother in San Francisco. Praised for its thorough and meditative consideration of California in the 1970s, the novel illustrates the struggles of a remarkable family spinning apart in the centrifugal force of a rapidly-shifting culture. (2006: Riverhead) 28 • January-February 2013

“One of my favorite books of poetry, ‘Atlantis’

by Mark Doty, concerns the loss of his lover, Wally, and Doty delves into landscape and language as a way to cope with and articulate his mourning.

In ‘Description’ the book opens with these lines ‘My Salt Marsh/ –mine, I call it, because/ these day-hammered fields/ of dazzled horizontals/ undulate, summers/ inside me and out -/,’ and I can’t help but see the desolate marshes as a place of beauty. The way Doty structures his layout and orders his poems in ‘Atlantis’ is perhaps my favorite among all poetry books.” — Wayne Bund Fans of Mary Oliver, Sharon Olds, and Walt Whitman will thrill to Mark Doty’s elegiac look at the vicissitudes of grief in “Atlantis.” In this collection, the former winner of the National Book Critics’ Circle Award considers the loss of his partner and numerous friends to HIV, in doing so considering the impermanence of life and the subtle beauty of being embodied in a constantly-changing world — resulting in a collection that celebrates life in all of its glory and tragedy. (1995: Harper) “Most of the stuff I read is about recovery, sobriety, and spirituality — and one of my very favorite books is called ‘Came To Believe.’ It helped me discover my Higher Power, and a life and spiritual path that works for me.” — Angel Hanson A collection of over 70 personal narratives, “Came To Believe” aims to describe “the spiritual adventure of [Alcoholics Anonymous] as experienced by individual members.” While the text is deeply rooted in the Twelve Step recovery sensibility, readers who aren’t involved in recovery programs can still gather inspiration from these stories of individuals learning the difference between “being religious” (or not) and having a spiritual experience. (1973: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services) “‘The Manual of Detection’ by Jedediah Berry is an unconventional detective novel which delivers a sense of dreamy nostalgia. A sudden promotion and a missing detective lead the protagonist through a slightly unreal rainy city which contains underground nightclubs, circus elephants, missing time, and damp socks.” — Andrea Winchell Described by the New Yorker as “the kind of mannered fantasy that might result if Wes Anderson were to adapt Kafka,” Berry’s debut novel tells the story of Charles Unwin, a detective agency clerk who is thrust into the position of saving one of his superiors after the senior investigator goes missing. Perfect for fans of David Lynch-style absurdism and Haruki Murakami-influenced trippiness, “The Manual of Detection” takes the tropes of gumshoe literature and elevates it to strange and cerebral new heights. (2010: Penguin) All of the above titles are available at Powell’s Books and other fine independent booksellers. Have more recommendations to get readers through the rainy season? Head over to PQMonthly.com and share your top picks. pqmonthly.com

MUSIC

DIRTY QUEER TO LAUNCH ANTHOLOGY AND WORKSHOPS IN SEVENTH YEAR ogy and was delighted to be chosen,” Broddock says. “Dirty Queer is so much more than an open mic…. Sossity has created a space that is radical and uplifting, and continues to make sure the important parts of it remain – like the “homework” about our collective queer and feminist history, which is so desperately needed since it’s a history we aren’t taught in mainstream society.”

Also included in the anthology are Alysia Angel, Sean Bug, Ty Chance, Joey Dagger, Gavin Everard, Amari Fauna, Lola Goldberg, Jake Hart, Rhodora Irie, Tillie King, Katie Knutson, Riley La Roux, Joe LeBlanc, Laura Pierce, Nik Rapier, Zachary Rocket, Sinclair Sexsmith, tash Sossity Chiricuzio started Dirt Queer six years ago to create a space for queer erotic shatz, Erika Stanley, Aleks Stewriting and performance art. fanova, Jack Stocklynn, Max Voltage, and A. Wolfe.

By Erin Rook The anthology serves as evidence of PQ Monthly the growth Chiricuzio says she has witWhat do you do when you’ve got a note- nessed among the writers who frequent book full of naughty poems and no place to Dirty Queer.

“I’ve seen people go from practically read them? You create one, of course. That’s exactly what Sossity Chiricuzio did in 2006, whispering, paper shaking, rip it off fast like a Band-Aid moments their first time on stage with the help of friend Kelli Dunham.

This month, Chiricuzio celebrated the six- to standing there grounded, having eye contact with the audience, and year anniversary of the Xlighting up with the praise rated open mic night, Dirty they finally give themselves Queer. Heralded as a safe time and permission to let space for the queers and in,” Chiricuzio says. “I’ve kinksters, the event incorwatched people learn how porates readings as well as to use their voice, find their other types of performance pacing and power, and go art, door prizes, and a quiz from raggedly capturing about a feminist writer. a moment to crafting a Once a monthly event, story.”

Dirty Queer moved to a In addition to publishquarterly format last year. ing the anthology, ChiriBut Chiricuzio isn’t slowcuzio is planning to launch ing down. Instead she is series of daylong writing preparing to publish an workshops on “Sex and the anthology of writers feaDeviant Body” this spring tured at the event. covering topics includ“The anthology is a ing fat bodies, disabled project I’ve been working bodies, queer bodies, and towards for years, and it’s working-class bodies. finally coming to fruition,” “I’m expanding into workshops because Chiricuzio says. “This isn’t a vanity project, it’s a strong and diverse collection of work I want to grow as a writer and teacher, and that has been read/performed on the Dirty dig deeper into the topics that arise at the Queer stage over the years that was selected open mic,” Chiricuzio says. “I also want to offer ways for the people who come to the from a large number of submissions.”

Sex educator Sinclair Sexsmith is writing open mic to work on their writing with other the book’s forward and local artist Chris- dirty queers in a focused way, and a way topher Mack is designing its cover. Chiri- for those not ready or into the spotlight to cuzio has selected all the pieces and is get- explore their words and voices.”

Chiricuzio is also developing workshops ting ready to submit proposals to publishers. She hopes to have the collection avail- on taking writing from the page to the stage and organizing community events. able for purchase sometime in 2013.

“I’ve learned so much over the course of Connor Broddock has been a regular attendee and performer at Dirty Queer the last six years,” she says, “and I want to since 2010 and is one of 25 writers included share that knowledge with my community.”

To learn more about Dirty Queer, visit in the book.

“I am honored to be a part of the anthol- dirtyqueer.com.

“I’ve watched people learn how to use their voice, find their pacing and power, and go from raggedly capturing a moment to crafting a story.”

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PERSSPECTIVES

hot flash: “The dances were so demanded and the women needed it so much, Hot Flash became its own entity.”

Continued from page 20

steam ahead, Miriam acknowledges she is closer to the end of her run with Hot Flash than the beginning.

“Pauline says she’s got five years,” Schlitz says.

“My deadline is 63,” Miriam clarifies, adding, “But I figure you’ve got three more years after me.”

The pair has already passed the Bay Area party on to new management and Miriam says she hopes someone will step in for her when the time comes. Still, she seems confident that the event will carry on.

“The dances were so demanded and the women needed it so much,” Miriam says.

“Hot Flash became its own entity.”

UPCOMING HOT FLASH DANCES

Photo by Jules Garza, PQ Monthly

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TRAVEL & OUTDOORS

RACC AWARDS RECORD FUNDING FOR 2013 PROJECT GRANTS

By Nick Mattos PQ Monthly

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The Regional Arts and Culture Council has announced the recipients of their 2013 grant cycle, with many local queer artists receiving sizable awards to help them achieve their creative goals.

On Dec. 19, t he R ACC board signed off on a recordbreaking $732,440 in grant funds to be awarded to 94 indiv idua l a r t ists a nd 66 organizations in Clackamas, Multnomah, and Washington Counties. Culled from 352 appl icat ions, R ACC’s grants were awarded by deci“Homomentum: The Musical” sion of 70 community volunteers who sat on 18 different Krist was awarded $4,774 for his bold panels and judged each application on and innovative project. artistic merit, citizen engagement opporOne of the most intriguing grant propostunities, and the financial responsibility als will result in a comic book about none of the applicant. other than Poision Waters being released One first-time winner of RACC’s award is later this year. The Dill Pickle Club’s Comics Max McGrath Riecke, who scored a $5,631 For Change will produce a series of 10 grant to fund the first phase of “Homomen- comics, each telling the story of an Oretum: The Musical” — a sci-fi stage produc- gonian working for social justice; Waters tion rooted in feminist politics and radical was selected for her community engagequeer identity. ment as an LGBTQ advocate. One of two “The project is inspired by our success- grants awarded to the Dill Pickle Club in ful queer cabaret series of the same name, 2013, Comics For Change will receive $3,720 which averages an audience of 160 per for their project. show and just completed its third season,” Other queer recipients of 2013 RACC Riecke says. “Dozens of local performers grants include writer Carter Sickels, musihave found their voice on this stage, many cian Holcombe Waller, documentary filmof whom will be involved in the creative maker Casey Parks, and dancer Minh Tran. process of developing the musical.”

QDOC, the Portland Queer Documentary NW Film Center School of Film instruc- Film Festival, also scored a significant grant tor Lee Krist intends to reinterpret the genre to bring yet more queer creatives and their of memoir with “How To Transition on Sixty work to the city’s audiences.

Three Cents A Day.” “This is definitely one of the most inter“This book is a confessional memoir esting and diverse rosters of projects that written as a collection of unsent postcards RACC has ever funded,” says Jeff Hawto my Sicilian mother about when I trans- thorne, the council’s director of commuplanted my life from New York to Port- nity Affairs. “We spent a good deal of time land, Oregon, in order to align my physical and energy last year reaching out to artappearance with my gender identity,” the ists in the LGTBQ community, and in comauthor explains. “This book is unbound munities of color. Judging by the quality of and the contents are housed in a metal proposals we received, those efforts have film canister. I am personally printing this definitely paid off and Portlanders are in book on a letterpress as a limited edition for some really amazing artistic projects of 163 copies.” in the year ahead.”

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ARTS BRIEFS

Poet Richard Blanco Literary Arts has announced the finalists for the 2013 Oregon Book Award. Among them are “Evening Hour” author Carter Sickels (Fiction) and “Wild” author Cheryl Strayed (Creative Non-Fiction). Winners will be announced at the 26th Oregon Book Awards Ceremony on April 8.

SinnSavvy Productions presents the final edition of the Rosehip Revue, its 3-year-old monthly burlesque show, Jan. 18 at 8 p.m. at the Star Theatre. The show kicks off with a performance by Cooper and the Jam (featuring the former core cast member known as “Cherry Valance”), followed by an all-

star cast including Baby LeStrange, Hai Fleisch, Infamous Nina Nightshade, Madison Moone, Miss Kennedy, Sandria Dore, Sophie Maltease, Zora Von Pavonine, and Kit Katastrophic.

Headlining the show are Angelique DeVil, Russell Bruner, Sugar Kane, Burlesquire, and The Emceeiam. Doors open at 8 p.m.

lesque dancer The Lady Ms. Vagina Jenkins, drag king Al Schlong, and singer/writer/performer Alex Cafarelli.

A.M. O’Malley, Sailor Holladay, Jenny Forrester, Krystee Sidwell, Chelsea Starr, and Valentine Freeman read work about growing up working-class poor and female at 7 p.m. on Jan. 18 at the Independent Publishing Resource Center event “Trailers, Chicken Coops, and Section 8: Women Read About Class.”

The Portland Lesbian Choir presents “Chick’n Soup for the Lesbian Soul…(Vegan Friendly)” Feb. 2 at the Rose City Park United Methodist Church in Northeast Portland.

The choir will perform songs that speak to the love of food and fun and the show will be followed by a dance party with DJ Lauren. Tickets are $17 in advance. For more info visit plchoir.org.

Gabe Flores presents “White Pride?” — an art show exploring the complex costs and benefits that lie at the intersections of privilege and race from 5 p.m. to 9 p.m., Jan. 19 at Place.

The exhibit features artists Jodie Cavalier, Tim Combs, Petra Fortes-Schramm, Gia Goodrich, Julie Perini, Portia Roy, and Sandy Sampson.

For more info, visit placepdx.com.

The line-up for the 2013 Dinah Shore (aka the biggest lesbian event of the year) was announced in January and features a number of high profile musical acts including Uh Huh Her (Leisha Hailey and Camila Grey), Karmin, Havana Brown, Diana King, and Kat Graham as well as Fortune Feimster, Jackie Loeb, Gina Yashere, and Suzanne Westenhoefer. The 23rd annual event takes place April 3-7 in Palm Springs, Calif. For more info, visit thedinah.com.

Post-funk darling Magic Mouth plays Holocene Feb. 6 with Kingdom Crumbs (Seattle) and Dual Mode (Danny from Serious Business and Ripley Snell). Show starts at 8:30 p.m., $6, 21+.

Speaking of celesbians, Ellen DeGeneres won her 13th People’s Choice Award for “Favorite Daytime TV Host.” She thanked her “team” — Melissa Etheridge, Jane Lynch, and Wanda Sykes, naturally. Jodie Foster’s coming out at the Golden Globes came a little too late for DeGeneres to claim her as well, unfortunately.

Big Freedia brings that sissy bounce to the Wonder Ballroom Feb. 6 with Galactic. Show starts at 8:30, $15, 21+.

Body Heat: Femme Porn Tour – a national touring collective of smut/erotic writers, authors, performers, poets, and dancers – is making two stops in Oregon. The group will be bring fierce femme visibility to Southern Oregon University in Ashland Feb. 9 and Portland’s feminist community center In Other Words Feb. 10. The line-up includes founder Kathleen Delaney-Adams, author Jen Cross, bur-

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The Presidential Inaugural Committee has announced that gay Latino poet Richard Blanco will serve as the inaugural poet for President Obama’s swearing in ceremony on Jan. 21. Blanco will be the first openly gay inaugural poet.

This year’s Oscar nominees are a bit weak in the queerrecognition, but there are a few noteworthy nods. “How to Survive a Plague,” the film that follows ACT UP!, has been nominated for Best Documentary. Tony Kushner — creator of “Angels in America” — was nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay for “Lincoln.” And that’s about it. The winners will be announced at the 85th Annual Academy Awards on Feb. 24.

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January-February 2013 • 33

PURPLE ELBOWS CELLARING: THE BASIC GAME PLAN FOR THE ULTIMATE RED WINE EXPERIENCE

By Richard Jones PQ Monthly

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If you labor under the tragic misfortune of having a passion for elegant well-aged red wines, you will have noticed that very few wine shops carry 10-year-old pinot noirs or 20-year-old cabernets. And even if they had any in stock, the price would inflict some serious indigestion upon your piggy bank.

The obvious solution is to shack up with a free-spending Goldman Sachs partner who receives several million dollars a year for making colossally disastrous financial decisions. Failing that, you might buy a few young wines with potential and hide them for five or 15 years.

Before you start shaking coins from your piggy bank, you would do well to ask yourself one or two questions.

If Northwestern cabernets and merlots tinkle your Riedel crystal stemware, you can find some very decent pours for around $10 on the lower shelf of your neighborhood wine shop. If you look on the next shelf up, you will find some bottles around $20, not to mention others on the top shelf at $40 or more. Considerably more.

The first question to ask yourself is whether you will derive more pleasure from two $10 bottles or from one $20 bottle. Or would you prefer one — gulp! — $40 bottle to four at $10 each. If you select the $10 option, do not pass Go, do not spend $40.

No wrong answers here. You are the world’s greatest expert on your preferences, are you not?

The basics of a wine cellar Having decided to stash some wine out of temptation’s way, you need to find the best place to keep your liquid treasures for the next seven years or so. Any cool, dark location will do. Store them under the bed, in the closet, or in your grandfather’s WWII Sherman tank parked in your living room.

For two or three cases, a corner on your closet floor will do.

If your treasured bottles have corks (as opposed to screw tops or synthetic closures), rest your bottles on their backs so they don’t dry out. If your wine is likely to throw sediment (tartrate crystals or dead yeast globs) you might store label up. That way you will know where the sediment is hiding. If you can raise the neck about 10 degrees, the sludge will collect into a penny-sized lump in the heal of the bottle. That means more clean wine to drink and less to toss in the skillet.

The trick is to stock enough everyday wines to minimize the temptation to see

how your serious wines are coming along.

Some price-worthy choices $10-$12 cabs and merlots: Buy some basic, but pleasing, red wines from Covey Run, Hogue, and Columbia Crest “Two Vines� or Washington Hills or some from Ste. Chapelle in Idaho. These will keep you happy and allow your primo wines to snooze. $20 pinots: Several reliable pinots in the $20 range include Ayres, Evesham Wood, and Westrey offer good value. J. Cristopher (both their $20 bottles as well as their $40 ones) should not be missed. Hold two or three years.

Upscale pinots: Some prestige Oregon pinots include Cameron “Clos Electrique,�

Couer de Terre estate, Domaine Serene, Shea Wine Cellars (especially the Shea Vineyard), Stoller, and Z’ivo. Hold 10 years — or more. $20+ cabs and merlots: Walla Walla Valley vintners offer many at $40 to $60. Abeja, Pepper Bridge, Reininger, and Woodward Canyon should age beautifully. Give them 10 years or more.

Syrah: Cristom’s Estate Syrah from the Willamette Valley (about $35) can approach Hermitages from the Rhône Valley costing $80 to $120. Give the Cristom 10 years to show its stuff. Call the winery to find the retailer closest to you.

Abacela, in southern Oregon, produces both syrah and tempranillo in a hefty style.

They could be good companions during Northwest winters.

Many excellent new labels show up every week. Ask your favorite wine steward for the latest releases.

Rough estimates on cellar time Although many pinot noirs can be pleasant at four or five years, some of the high-end bottles can improve for 10 years — and sometimes longer. High-end cabernet sauvignons are often very rough at three or four years.

They come loaded with oak that only a beaver could love. Time, thankfully, will tame this.

These are just a few of the many outstanding Pacific Northwest wines. Be sure to buy what pleases you rather than what some cranky old scribbler thinks you should ingest. Just remember to give the expensive wines time to develop. If you buy a cabernet in need of 15 years — and you open it at three — please don’t shed your tears on my doorstep and ask for a hanky.

Most importantly, remember (1) everyone’s tastes are different, (2) de gustibus non disputandum, and (3) vive la diference!

Richard Jones has imbibed a great deal of vino in his years as a winemaker, wine judge, wine writer, wine publisher, wine lecturer, and wine traveler. When he doesn’t have his nose in a glass, he works as a freelance reporter.

34 • January-February 2013

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Cultivating Life PRACTICING GRATITUDE a freshly poured cup of hot tea. It took my eyes, and my brain, to a different place when it would have been so easy to have been overcome with grief and shock, and I learned that contemplating life, composition, pattern, and the world around me is a form of meditation when using my camera.

Adding a new practice, or resolution, into our lives means clearing space and making room, both figuratively and physically. Those household drawers full of crap are done for and I already have a good start on clearing them out. But this goes for time

By LeAnn Locher and space in your life as well.

PQ Monthly Two years ago at the end of a busy and There’s a reason this column is called exhausting year, I sorted through end“Cultivating Life.” Yes, it’s about cul- of-year data that enlightened me to the tivating plants in your garden or good actual hours I had spent on volunteer and food in your kitchen. But it’s also about pro bono projects. It was over 300 hours of basic tenets of simple things that bring time. This was in addition to my full-time us happiness. It’s the beginning of a new work of running my own design consulyear, and I’m wondering if we should tancy. I pondered what I could have done eschew the tired approach of resolutions with those 300 hours if I had given them and instead go straight to the core of it: to myself instead of away.

And so I did. For that year, I said “no” to increasing happiness. What makes you every pro bono project, I truly happy? resigned from the board I keep coming back of directors I served on, t o g ra t i t u d e. Ha r va rd and kindly explained why researcher Shawn Achor I had to decline new volpinpoints gratitude as a key unteer projects. Within to happiness. In his studies, the first month I turned the act of practicing three dow n seven requests. gratitudes a day, where we And every conversation scan the world for the posiI had about why I was tive rather than the negative s ay i ng “no” w a s met for 21 days in a row, creates with, “I wish I could do a pattern in our brain that the same,” or “Good for results in positive, lasting you.” I was doing what change. He says our belief all of the over-achievers system of, “If I work harder w ished they could do.

I will be more successful The world didn’t come to and therefore I’ll be hapa halt, colleagues didn’t pier,” is broken and backwards and that our brains What do you see? Another rainy, grey day in Portland, hate me for it, and I created space in my life for work in the opposite order. or a world filled with beautiful moss and lichen?

“Achieve happiness in the present — your something I really wanted to focus on creativity, intelligence and energy rises. The — for myself — and that was my health. happiness advantage is becoming positive I joined a g ym, committed to healthy eating, and spent a summer kayaking, in the present.”

If I’m to add a new practice to my hiking, and being active. I began runday, this year it will be the act of prac- ning, learned how to stand-up paddleticing gratitude, and I’m doing that by board, and figured out how to cook fish picking up my camera. Not my iPhone on the barbecue. It was a transformative camera, but my digital camera. The day year and I learned an incredible amount of the Newtown shootings, I turned off all from it. But it began by creating space for media, shut down my social media, and new things.

So t his year I’m creating space for picked up my camera. I carried it with me and looked at the world in a different way gratitude, giving thanks, and seeing how that day. It helped me see beauty in little high I can get my happiness quotient. things — like a bright blue sky, the pat- A nd a long the way, I expect to ta ke a tern of my leggings combined with the whole lot of photos. Here’s to 2013; here’s tile floor, and how the steam curls from to gratitude.

LeAnn Locher gardens and cooks from her home base in North Portland. You can connect with her, and other like-minded domestic arts bad-asses, at facebook.com/sassygardener. pqmonthly.com

THE GOOD LIFE

EAT, DRINK, AND, BE MARY FROM LOCAL PLACE TO LOCAL PAGE Brock Daniels PQ Monthly

One of the country’s treasure troves of culinary perfection, the Pacific Northwest defines what it means to eat, cook, and live “local.” Quaint and unpretentious, Paley’s Place on NW 21st serves as Portland’s gold standard for impressive fare. Seating only 50 guests at a time in a remodeled Victorian building, Vitaly and Kimberly Paley delight customers with simple yet masterful works of art — all with a deliberate intent to showcase the local, organic, and sustainable bounties this unique region has to offer.

Since 1995 the Paleys have shown Portland diners that real flavors come from hard-working local vendors. An evolving menu will always highlight food that is in season. Dungeness crab and foraged mushrooms may hit the menu during the fall and winter months, while fresh berries and lamb rear their heads in the spring. I love going to a restaurant knowing the menu will be different, and, having developed a trust over the years dining at Paley’s Place, I have learned to just sit back and enjoy the ride. I will never be disappointed with the Paley’s classic Escargot a la Bordelaise with roast marrow bones and garlic. Rich, hearty, and earthy, this menu mainstay is not to be missed during a visit of mine to Paley’s Place.

Taking a leap that very few restaurant chefs do, the Paleys bring their approach to food to the public in their beautiful cookbook, “The Paley’s Place Cookbook, Recipes and Stories from the Pacific Northwest.” As a cookbook collector and a self-proclaimed “foodie,” for me “The Paley’s Place Cookbook” goes far beyond the traditional collection of recipes and photographs customary to most cookbooks by highlighting a talented thought process behind recipe creation — and a way of life. “Follow NO Rules!” Kimberly Paley insists in my cherished copy. The best culinary advice I have ever received — advice apparent on every page throughout the book.

In the pages of the Paleys’ cookbook, “soulful searching and rigorous technique” turn cooking into a way of life. Know and understand the thought process behind our local salmon fishers on page 90. An appreciation for the food we put in our mouth will make the wild line-caught delicacy taste better. There is a difference. Turn a couple

more pages to 92, and see how the efforts of these fishermen translate into soft, well-seasoned cedar-planked salmon. Kosher salt, brown sugar, orange zest, olive oil, garlic, julienned sweet onion, and fresh basil penetrate the fresh flesh. Soaked, untreated cedar shingles from a local lumber yard serve as a roasting platform that infuses an exact woody balance required to make this dish what it is. Smoky, ocean fresh, and herbal, as the fish comes to the table it hits your nose first. As you break into the flaky pink meat, the center still glistens with bright medium-rare juice.

A cookbook isn’t a cookbook without a dessert section. Brilliant in their selection of local cheeses and combinations of local ingredients, the Paley’s masterfully explain your f ina l course.

Loving herbal infusions with fresh ingredients, I regularly navigate to the goat cheese cheesecake with strawberries and basil. With lemon zest in the crust and basil in the macerated strawberries, this dessert screams warm summer day on the patio. It gives me hope and excitement that these cold winter days are temporary, and our beautiful warm days are ahead.

Not just a cookbook, the Paleys take us on a gastronomical journey through the Pacific Northwest. Learn, feel, and experience this mecca of incredible seasonal local recipes from one of my favorite Portland eateries.

Vitaly Paley explains, “We can buy anything at any time of year, and that path of lesser resistance is always easier to follow.

The foods we buy have to be seasonal somewhere, right? But defrosted fish is not the same as fresh off the boat, and an out of season tomato or ear of corn can never compare to just-picked. Let your senses guide you to what smells and feels real rather than what looks shiny and flawless. If you search out locally produced and grown goods whenever possible, chances are they will be seasonal as well.”

And, always, “follow no rules!”

Paley’s Place Bistro & Bar 1204 NW 21st Ave Portland, 97209 503-243-2403 Reservations recommended “The Paley’s Place Cookbook: Recipes and Stories from the Pacific Northwest” ISBN: 978-1-58008-830-5 Hardback $35

Brock Daniels, a Pacific Northwest native, has studied wine, culinary arts, gastronomy, and loves researching new food. Brock has written a self-published cookbook titled “Our Year in the Kitchen.”

Reach him at brock@pqmonthly.com.

January/February 2013 • 35

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January/February 2013 • 37

THE FUN STUFF

QUEER APERTURE Through his Queer Aperture project, photographer Jeffrey Horvitz has spent years documenting the LGBTQ communities of Portland, San Francisco, Seattle, and Vancouver, B.C. He’s well aware that a picture paints a whole mess of words, but in this new PQ feature, he’s offering a few actual words to better acquaint us with his dynamic subjects.

What is your name?

Wayne Miya

Favorite word?

Zen

How long have you lived in Portland?

22 years

Least favorite word?

Fuck

What was the first time you noticed that gayness existed?

Seeing Paul Lynde on TV and Liberace on piano

Favorite swear word?

I don’t swear very often.

What would you consider a guilty pleasure?

90-minute massages You’re having a dinner party of six — whom would you invite?

Socrates, Michelangelo, Nietzsche, Van Gogh, Confucius, and Buddha What would be a perfect day off?

Somewhere tropical, Tahiti or Fiji

What is your profession?

Executive Director of Our House If you could change your profession with the snap of a finger, what would you do?

CEO of Apple What person, living or dead, would you like to meet?

Homer For more Queer Aperture, visit queeraperture.com.

Photo by Jeffrey Horvitz

ASTROSCOPES WITH MISS RENEE Miss Renee aka Tarot Chick is an empath, tarot card reader, and spiritual astrologer of 20 years based out of N. Portland’s Kenton neighborhood. She loves love notes so feel free to holla or schedule a tarot / astrology chart session: that_tarot_chick@yahoo.com.

Miss Renee aka Tarot Chick, email her to make an apointment

that_tarot_chick@yahoo.com

GEMINI That “stalled out”/”where should I go next?” feeling is coming to an end as Jupiter (growth/travel/philosophy) goes direct again in Gemini Jan. 30. Other planetary action will urge you to travel, utilize or seek higher education, organize, and sharpen skill sets. School’s in, big brains; focus, prep, and ace the first tests of 2013.

CANCER Everybody’s stuck somewhere sometimes. For CrabARIES bies it’s typically “Fear of the New.” Yeah, you’re gonna Feeling sensitive, Rammie? Multi planets in your have to get over that. Multi planets transiting the eighth 12th house (subconscious/hidden) turn focus house of Taboos/Depth psychology then ninth house inward, revealing issues of self-undoing, denial, of expanding life philosophies/other cultures/complex wounds, and karmic consequences. It’s officially concepts shake you out of your comfort zone. Open time to process, understand, and close the door up. Be wowed! #NoMoreLinusBlanket firmly — for good — on old hurts. Guardian angels bring healing missing pieces, “chance” encounters, LEO and mind expanding chats starting Feb. 1. #That- Do you hear that sizzling sound? Yes, baby, it’s YOU. AngelTouchedMe! A potent Full moon in Leo Jan. 26, combined with Push-It-Real-Good Mars, Face-Face-Beauty-Face TAURUS Venus, and Careless Whispers Mercury cruising Bulls are gettin’ down ta bidness! New moon through your eighth house of Power, Sex, and Transin pinstriped Capricorn, combined with Get-er- formation have you digging deep and burning up. done Mars and What-do-you-Value Venus cruising Any remaining secret ugly duckling facets of yourthrough both your 10th house of Career then the self get swanned.

11th house of Aspirations/Groups has you looking at who you associate with in a practical way. VIRGO Ponder this, sweetheart: Are you flying with Eagles Mmhmm. It’s always the quiet ones. Planetary action or Pigeons? ping pongs you between bursts of intense creativity/ 38 • January-February 2013

new or evolving relationships then clearing, organizing work mode. Sexy secretary, indeed! Mercury in harmony with Jupiter in fellow Gemini helps you see and clear patterns in relationships and set preemptive boundaries. People will push. Sexy people, but pushy.

make you popular in a multiple one-on-one, sinking into the couch with a glass of wine, cant-stop-smiling sort of way. Le Sigh.

CAPRICORN I can’t believe I’m about to say this to the exceedingly cautious and tactful Tribe Capricorn. BUT …

LIBRA there’s a razor fine line between “opinionated, pushy Planetary activity fuels the desire to reorganize, set up Mouthy McMouth” and “Inspired dynamic motivator.” new habits/rituals, and bring the fun back to what you Not your fault: fiery Mars drives you to speak quickly do for work. Repeated conversations of these themes and forcefully. Slow your roll, though, and everyone abound as people seemingly come out of the wood- is all “Oh captain, my captain.” work with tips, tricks, and suggestions. Yet, it won’t feel laborious. Warming up to your colleagues could AQUARIUS prove surprisingly fab.

Don’t be surprised if your secret admirer blurts out their huge crush over the next month. Come SCORPIO Hither Venus tiptoes her way through the 12th Firey Mars transiting your fifth house of Romance/ house (Hidden/Secrets/Subconscious) then shimCreativity/Children/Fun heats things up. Prime oppor- mies across your first house (Persona, public face) tunities to let your inner child out to play where play beautifying/magnetizing you and making us want is actually deeply healing abide. Scorpio parents you in blush-filled ways. Worst case scenario: You feel reinvigorated in parenting. The need to shine/ star shine. perform burns hot, too. Fourth house (Home) transits say emotionally invest, redecorate, and enter- PISCES tain GRANDLY! Pisces, you’ll probably win 2013’s award for biggest, most beautiful butterfly of them all. Planetary placeSAGITTARIUS ments of Venus (beauty/values/self-worth) Chiron Who knew Sags could get rather “snuggle bunny?” (wounded healer) Mars (energy/drive/sexuality), and Love-y Venus transiting your third house of communi- more, help you begin the process of peeling off the cation/neighborhood makes honey drip from your lips old you as you step into your new and truest self, in every conversation, while other planetary aspects beyond old limitations. #NoMoreMasks pqmonthly.com

SEE AND BE SEEN

THE FUN STUFF

We want to see more of you! Do you have photos you’d like to share in the pages of PQ Monthly? Send your photos along with a photo credit and caption to info@pqmonthly.com, post them on our Facebook page, or tag PQ Monthly in them.

Gay Skate, Dec. 17, Oaks Park Skating Rink; PQ Monthly Press Party, Dec. 20, Hip Chicks Do Wine; “For the Disenchanted” CD Release Party, Dec. 28, La Bonita; JustParty for a JustPortland New Years Eve Celebration, Dec. 31; Hotel Vintage Plaza; and Oregon Bears Happy Hour, Jan. 11, Local Lounge.

Photos by Jules Garza, PQ Monthly

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January/February 2013 • 39

PERSPECTIVES

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40 â&#x20AC;˘ January-February 2013

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