PQ Monthly November 2015 Edition

THE BIG CHEESE INSIDE: Don’t Touch My Hair!, Mark Segal, Portland Activist Wins Global Recognition & Much More!

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Photo by Dax McMillan

PORTLAND

As Asseen seenon on

SHARK

TANK

2 • NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015

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PQ TEAM

A LITTLE LESS ETHEREAL THAN LAST MONTH’S PAGE 3…THANKS FOR THAT :)

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As many of you know, there have been many changes going on here at Brilliant Media. We said goodbye to Daniel Borgen as PQ Monthly’s Editor. Daniel’s commitment to Queer media spans more than a decade and we are all grateful for his dedication and wish him well in his pursuit of #BeautySecrets. We will be looking for an Editor at some point, however, in the meantime we felt it was essential to grow our core team first. Matt Pizzuti has accepted the responsibility of putting together your monthly cornucopia of “must go to events” as our PQ Monthly Calendar Editor.

With that, we are also pleased to announce the addition of two new monthly columns. The first will be authored by one of the many different voices that make up Queer Intersections (Qi) each month (featured in the August 2015 Edition of PQ www.pqmonthly.com/forging-a-newpath-queer-intersections-portland/23382).

This new column is called: ‘Don’t Touch My Hair’ – and its first author also making their PQ debut is Giovanni Blair McKenzie, founder and president at Qi and a National Youth Ambassador at the Human Rights Campaign. The first instalment of ‘Don’t Touch My Hair’ opens with GIOVANNI BLAIR MCKENZIE a very heart-wrenching letter to Giovanni’s mother.

The second is penned by Samantha L. Taylor, who is not new to the PQ audience. Samantha has been blogging for PQ, you can read some of her past entries here: www.pqmonthly.com/?s=Samantha+L.+Taylor+ For those of you who don’t know, Samantha is an undergraduate student at Portland State University, a McNair scholar, a writer, and an artist.

Samantha drinks copious amounts of black tea to get through the days and claims to consume a fair amount of sci-fi to get through the nights.

In this edition, Samantha invites each of us to consider what it means to support our sober friends and family while observing holidays while offering practical ideas on how to arrange holiday gatherings with your sober friends and family in mind.

Speaking of firsts and holidays, the Portland Dykes on Bikes® Motorcycle Contingent will be rallying up at the Q Center on Sunday, December 13, 2015, at 11 am. For the first ever Gift Ride & Caravan to the SMYRC Drop-in Center to deliver holiday gifts and donations of new and gently

A SMATTERING OF WHAT YOU’LL FIND INSIDE:

Nestor Miranda Photographer

Columnists &contributors

Sossity Chiricuzio, Samantha L. Taylor, Michael James Schneider, Leo Bancroft, Summer Seasons, Marco Davis, Kathryn Martini, Sally Mulligan, Katey Pants, Queer Intersections

used items. The entire community is invited to participate with the Dykes on Bikes® Portland Chapter Gift Ride & Caravan for SMYRC (motorcyclist and automobile participants are encouraged to caravan), we hope this will become a holiday tradition (hint). Q Center will be accepting donations immediately following Thanksgiving and will need volunteer’s day of to help sort gifts and donations.

If you would like to donate and are considering new items, please consider gift cards, backpacks (solar charging packs), hiking/outdoor type gear (jackets, shirts, pants, shoes, socks, and underwear), and toiletries. Also, if you have new or gently used household items, camping gear, tents, sleeping bags, blankets, clothing, extension cords, extra cell phone/device chargers, portable chargers, and anything else you can think of that will help our youth, many of whom are homeless (thank you in advance!). People are also encouraged to ride/ caravan with the Dykes on Bikes® Portland Chapter, who will line up after the reception at the Q Center on the 13th and lead off the Gift Ride & Caravan to the SMYRC Drop-in Center (for more info, please go to www.dykesonbikesportland.com).

We hope to see you tonight at the PQ SAMANTHA L. TAYLOR Monthly’s Press Party, per tradition we are kicking off the holiday season at the fabulous Mitchell Gold + Bob Williams (1106 W Burnside St, Portland) Showroom. Our Press Party on December 17th will be at Scandals (1125 SW Stark St, Portland) who have always showcased amazing entertainment for our crowd.

In this edition, many of our writers share their thoughts around the holiday season and we encourage you to share yours with us. PQ Monthly has created two closed Facebook groups. One is called ‘PQ Town Hall’ we encourage people to join and share directly with us their meaningful and conscious thoughts on many topics. The Second is ‘PQ Business Leaders Forum’ available for business owners and leaders to join. This forum is a place to network, and where PQ can get real-time feedback on issues affecting our business community. On behalf of our entire team, we thank you for your participation.

And in that vein we leave you with the incredible talent that make up the pages of PQ and our vibrant community. We wish you a warm, safe, and healthy holiday season! – With love, from your #ProudQueer team!

ON THE COVER

Who wants to be the big cheese with us?.........................................Page 5 Keeping it Gay with holiday cheer.................................................... Page 10 Cheers Queers! Holiday Celebrations & Sobriety............................. Page 12 The Secret Life of Summer Seasons.................................................... Page 14 Local Activists Win Light a Fire Awards............................................... Page 19

503.228.3139

Rose City Rollers 2015 World Champions.......................................... Page 20

proudqueer.com

Celebration and Reflection................................................................. Page 21 Aging Trans People Locked Out of U.S. Health Care System........... Page 22

THE NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE OF PQ MONTHLY IS RIVENDELL MEDIA, INC.

As seen on Shark Tank, Portland’s own Heidi Ho Organics founders Heidi Lovig, & Lyssa Story share their vegan cheese recipe for success!

Plus: In this edition read about the new PCC Cascade Queer Resource Center, Finding Leo, Keeping it Gay with our Coastal Correspondent Marco Davis, “Holidaze: Celebrations & Sobriety”, and the first installment of ‘Don’t Touch My Hair’ – a column by members of Queer Intersections

BRILLIANT MEDIA LLC, DBA EL HISPANIC NEWS & PQ MONTHLY.

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NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015 • 3

FEATURE FEATURE

PQ PRESS PARTY! Get PQ Monthly hot off the presses the third Thursday of every month at our PQ Press Parties!

THIS NOVEMBER 19TH!

& MG+BW will be providing hosted Hors d’oeuvres by Vibrant Table Catering & Events, and a no-host bar with signature holiday drinks. Now, for your entertainment MG+BW will unveil their new beautifully crafted limited-edition gaming tables with professionals on hand for live demonstrations!

• November 19th, 2015, 5P.M.-7 P.M. : Mitchell Gold + Bob Williams ( 1106 W Burnside St, Portland, OR 97209)

Next December 17th at: • December 17th, 2015, 5P.M.-7 P.M. : SCANDALS ( 1125 SW Stark St, Portland, OR 97205) Like us on Facebook for details on the press parties & all things PQ Monthly!

Knock on Wood. salvageworkspdx.com 2024 N. Argyle Street, Portland, OR 97217 • 503-899-0052 4 • NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015

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FEATURE

WHO WANTS TO BE THE BIG CHEESE WITH US?

“We are going to be a heritage brand and want to be found down every grocery aisle, not just in the specialty food section.”

– Heidi Lovig Founder of Heidi Ho Organics Photo by Dax McMillan

By Melanie Davis, PQ Monthly

The Shark Tank is a critically-acclaimed reality show that has reinvigorated entrepreneurship in America, has also become a culturally defining series. The recipient of the 2015 and 2014 Emmy Award for Outstanding Structured Reality Program. The Sharks -- tough, self-made, multi-millionaire and billionaire tycoons -- continue their search to invest in the best businesses and products that America has to offer. The Sharks give people from all walks of life the chance to chase the American dream and potentially secure business deals that could make them millionaires.

The hit unscripted series, which will reach its milestone 100th episode in November 2014, continues to be a ratings force.

Which brings us to Heidi Ho Organics.

On the 100the episode of the Shark Tank in 2014 Portland-based Heidi Ho Organics appeared on national TV to seek investment for its line of vegan cheeses. Company founder Heidi Lovig made her pitch to investors on the ABC hit program (https://youtu.be/fAwhKJusgOs ), hoping for a $125,000 capital infusion. “Shark” Lori Greiner jumped on board within a Shark Tank record of a few minutes with an offer of $125k in exchange for 30 percent of the company, saying, “I love it. … I seriously think it is so delicious, so amazing.” Lovig accepted the deal to help grow her three-year-old business with her partner in business and life Lyssa Story. Heidi Ho Organics produces cheeses like Creamy Chia Cheeze, Smoky Chia Cheese, and Black Lava Ne Chèvre (my personal favorite).

I had the opportunity to sit down with Heidi Lovig and Lyssa Story to see how this last year has been for them post-Shark Tank.

PQ Monthly: So let’s start at the beginning, w h a t i n s p i re d t h e both of you to open a vegan cheese company?

Heidi Lovig: Shortly after culinary school in Portland and traveling to remote areas of our world like Cambodia I began to see how well people lived without consuming large quantities of meat in their diet. In fact, they seem to pqmonthly.com

have less overall health issues than most Americans on a typical western diet. So I started to eat a more plant base diet and while I was in Hawaii, I started adding vegan options to the menus. However, I was literally repulsed by the non-dairy options and when I say that I mean, I was repulsed that they were made from starch and fat emulsified together with w e i r d flavors added, and had no nutritional value. So I immediately thought there was room for innovation. Like how about using real food to make a cheese alternative. So I said if no one else is going to do it, then I am going to do it.

Lyssa Story: (chuckling) I remember I would come home from bartending to our townhouse with the tiniest kitchen and there would be cheese everywhere along with all of our pots, and bowls, the food processor going. I would have nowhere to put food in our fridge because she (Heidi) would have cultures growing, different experiments at different phases in there. But we decided to do it and started selling at some local farmers markets.

HL: Then we decided to try this “VegFest” in Portland at the Oregon Convention Center and we had a line out the door. Everyone kept telling us that we had to turn it into a company. So I asked Lyssa if she would support me for a year while we build this and she agreed. So I started putting everything we needed for the business together and somehow found the time to send a video to ABC’s Shark Tank. We got a response right away. However, it was not the one we were hoping for. They said we were too small.

We had already been working with Whole Foods and they liked what we were doing and offered us a loan to help grow our business. Lyssa and I talked about it and decided to take a small amount and bought a couple of important things we needed to grow our capacity at our commercial kitchen. We were then able to produce enough product to take care of all of the Whole Foods in the Northwest and northern California. Whole Foods again realized our growth potential and offered us another loan.

Around the same time Shark Tanks producers called us again to see how we were doing. After telling them about our growth, they asked us to send another video.

Five days later they called and said you’re coming down to shoot on Shark Tank in ten days. It was so fast! So we worked with our CFO Advisor Steve Elliot, who I love and admire, and Bruce Silverman, who is HEIDI HO p age 9

NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015 • 5

FEATURE

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“I’m standing across the street from Stonewall in Sheridan Square. Here I was, an 18-year-old kid living at the YMCA in a $6-a-night room with no job, no prospects for the future, no real place to live and no money in my pocket.

I’m thinking, What am I going to do?

And it came to me: This is exactly what I want to do. I’m going to be a gay activist.”

More than 45 years after that fateful night outside the Stonewall Inn, Mark Segal still considers himself, first and foremost, an activist.

“That’s what’s inside me and what always will be,” he said. “Everything else is secondary.”

Adding to his list of “secondary” titles is a new one: “author.”

Segal, the founder and publisher of Philadelphia Gay News, has just released his memoirs, “And Then I Danced.”

The 320-page book takes readers from Segal’s meager beginnings in a Philadelphia housing project to his pinnacle of dancing with his husband in the White House.

That was a journey that, Segal said, many have prompted him to write about over the years. But, it wasn’t until a 2007 reunion of Gay Youth — which he founded in New York City in 1969 — that he started to gain an appreciation for his own role in the LGBT community’s development.

“We had the reunion in the New York Gay Community Center and there were about 100 of us who created this big circle. Each of us talked and, as they went around, people were saying that the organization saved their lives, that they were going to commit suicide until they found Gay Youth or that we saved them from bullying or harassment,” Segal said. “It wasn’t until I was halfway home on the train that it all of a sudden hit me what had just happened. Literally in the train car, I just started howling, just crying out loud.

It really affected me.”

A few years later, another incident again brought Segal full circle: Comcast senior executive vice president and chief diversity officer David L. Cohen invited him to join the media conglomerate’s Joint Diversity Council.

“I thought it was going to be just a rubber-stamp position and I said I didn’t have time for it. And David said, ‘Mark, there are only 40 people nationwide being asked to join this advisory board. Don’t you understand your his-

tory? There you were 40 years ago disrupting media, and now we’re asking you to advise media.’”

Cohen was referring to Segal’s infamous “zaps,” in which he targeted media personnel on air to raise awareness about LGBT issues.

That such encounters caught him by surprise, Segal said, are in part attributable to his tendency to stay forward-focused.

“I usually just go project to project to project and don’t look back,” he said. “So I really didn’t look back at all the things I had done or what the full impact of them was.”

But, as the significance of his decades of activism began to evince itself to him, Segal started seriously considering recounting that work in book form, especially at the prompting of his now-husband, Jason Villemez.

“Jason would say to me every night, ‘Do the book, do the book. Sit at your computer and start writing,’” Segal said, noting that at the time he was wrapping up work on one of the nation’s first LGBT-friendly affordable senior living facilities, and Villemez knew the memoir-writing would be a good way to keep that momentum going. “He was conscious that the minute that ribbon was cut, I’d go from being 2,000 feet into the air to crashing to the ground if I didn’t have a project to work on,” Segal laughed.

Hiring an agent and publisher was easy work, Segal said. But, deciding what information to include and what to leave out was not.

Segal had been amassing vignettes of his recollections in the past few years, which he thought could serve as the memoir’s foundation.

“I thought I would just take what I had started writing and put it into book form. It didn’t quite happen like that; once I signed the contract, we basically threw out everything I had and went back to scratch,” he laughed.

He set to work creating an outline of his life, checking dates and facts and researching his own storied history.

That history began in 1951. Segal’s hardworking yet poverty-stricken parents, Shirley and Martin, raised him and his brother in a South Philadelphia housing project, after the city took over Martin’s bodega by eminent domain. As a member of the only Jewish family in the project, Segal’s feelings of being an outsider germinated from a young age, compounded by his worn clothes and lack of material possessions.

But what Segal didn’t lack as a child was conviction; in MARK SEGAL page 7

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MARK SEGAL Continued from page 6

elementary school, he refused to sing “Onward, Christian Soldiers,” his first act of civil disobedience, which was supported by his mother. His grandmother, Fannie Weinstein, also played a pivotal role in his upbringing; she brought Segal, at age 13, to a civil-rights demonstration at Philadelphia City Hall, his first public demonstration — of many to come.

Exploring the struggles of his childhood in that first chapter, Segal said, was among the most challenging aspects of writing “And Then I Danced” — as the self-doubt he experienced in his youth resurfaced.

“The first chapter was extremely difficult to write because there are a lot of things in there that people don’t know about me. I struggled to continue with it because I really didn’t believe in myself,” he said. “I had Jason read the first chapter and at the end he was sitting on the sofa crying, and I said, ‘Wow, you really didn’t like it that much?’ And he said, ‘No, there were things here even I didn’t know.’ He really liked it and his support got me to continue.”

Working with editor Michael Dennehy, Segal crafted and re-crafted 15 chapters for a final product that takes readers through the national LGBT community’s evolution, seen alongside Segal’s own development.

From his burgeoning coming out — beginning with a childhood pull to the Sears Roebuck male models — Segal’s story is as much a commentary on the times as it is on his own experience.

“There was no name for it, at least none that I knew, but somehow it seemed wrong that I was looking at the men in the catalog,” he wrote.

Eventually, Segal learned the name for “it” and came out to his family, who, despite the wholly unaccepting socie-

tal nature of the time, embraced his identity. Segal’s own self-acceptance was intrinsically tied to New York City; he wrote that he realized at a young age that the city was a haven for gay people, so he moved to the Big Apple the moment he graduated high school.

He quickly became immersed in a growing and changing LGBT scene. The premiere LGBT activist group, Mattachine Society, was gradually becoming outdated, being ushered aside by a new wave of social revolution across the country.

And, a month after he moved to New York City, Segal found himself at Stonewall Inn on June 28, 1969. “And Then I Danced” takes readers through Segal’s first-hand account of the seminal riot and ensuing LGBT mobilization.

From those four reactionary nights came Gay Liberation Front, an organization that Segal said hasn’t gotten the credit it’s due.

“From the ashes of Stonewall came GLF, and GLF created the foundation of everything that today is the gay community,” Segal said. “We created the first trans organization in America in 1969. We created the first gay youth organization that dealt with gay issues in 1969. We created the first medical alerts for the gay community and the first gay community center. And at the end of that first year, we created the first gay Pride march. And all of it had to do with ending invisibility and creating community.”

It was with those missions in mind that, upon his return to Philadelphia in the 1970s, Segal undertook a campaign to target television coverage of LGBT issues, an undertaking that secured a wealth of television firsts — and forged his unlikely friendship with Walter Cronkite.

From the airwaves, Segal turned his attention to political circles, using his burgeoning notoriety to stage uniquely crafted demonstrations, such as chaining himself to a Christmas tree in Philadelphia City Hall and throwing a faux reception in the office of then-District Attorney Arlen

Specter to thank him for his support for gay-rights legislation — which he had not yet offered.

Segal said it’s those kinds of actions that are needed to enliven the LGBT community’s modern political activism.

“We need that spark of creativity and fun again. Gay liberation can be fun,” he said. “We have to get away from the Internet and the online petitions and start doing things to get people’s attention. Our leaders are stuck in this quagmire because they’re used to being in suits and ties in offices in New York and Washington, D.C., and not out among people. We need to think outside the box. Be nonviolent, but think outside the box.”

Creativity needs to be paired with tenacity, Segal noted; another message he hopes readers, especially of the younger generation, take away from his book.

“I wanted to show young gay people how our community got the rights that we have today. It wasn’t writing letters or visiting Congresspeople. Many of us got arrested, received death threats, were targets of physical violence.

It was a rough ride getting to where we are today. It wasn’t, ‘One, two three. We’re there.’ Any social-justice movement takes a lot of work and a lot of time.”

For Segal, much of that work in the past four decades was focused on getting Philadelphia Gay News off the ground.

“And Then I Danced” traces the history of the publication, which celebrates its 40th anniversary next year, from its meager beginnings in a building with no plumbing and a leaky roof, where staffers would use quarters from the newspaper boxes for lunches, to a 2014 awards dinner where it received a national award for its investigative series on the murder of a local transgender woman.

Exploring such transitions through the writing process, Segal said, was eye-opening.

“I encourage anybody, whether you publish it or not, to write your own memoir. You learn so much about yourself,” he said. “It sounds strange, but I don’t think I had an appreciation for what I’ve accomplished until I read the finished book. This made me look back. I didn’t realize all the issues I was involved in, and how much change they had made over the years. I’m just beginning to get in touch with my own history. And I’m finding out I’m a different person than I thought I was.”

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NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015 • 7

FEATURE

GETTING MENTAL HEALTH SUPPORT SHOULDN’T HAVE TO BE EDGE PLAY; FIND A THERAPIST WHO GETS YOU IN THE SMPD

By Sossity Chiricuzio, PQ Monthly

Having to argue about whether temporary piercings as part of a grief ritual can be a healthy self-expression is not conducive to my mental well-being. Having to defend my sexual choices and expression, or my choice of partner(s), or our relationship structure, or inclusion of other people in those is not conducive to my mental well-being. Having to convince a therapist about the validity of your identity is not conducive to anyone’s mental well-being.

There are many therapists here in Portland who agree and have come together to form the SMPD (Sexual Minority Provider Directory,) an online directory of local therapists that specialize in supporting diverse sexual identities and expressions, and alternative relationships structures. I asked them to share some of their thoughts about the landmarks of kink, polyamory and radical sex in the Portland mental health landscape. (A full listing of the providers can be found at glbtcounseling.com.)

PQ: What catalyzed the formation of the SMPD? Kirk Shepard, MA: The SMPD began in the year 2000 as an informal response to the growing need for clinicians who were well-informed and compassionate to LGBT folks. It was originally called the Sexual Minority Providers Alliance and consisted of LGBT-identified therapists. Many of the founding clinicians are still on the directory today. In the past year, we have expanded to include clinicians who support non-monogamous relationships and diverse forms of sexual expressions.

PQ: Has the need for kink/poly-friendly therapists increased in the last decade here in Portland? If so, what do you think are the contributing factors?

Megan Wyckoff LCSW: In a recent survey by the Mercury, nearly 42% of Portland identified as something other than monogamous and 33% as something other than heterosexual.

Portland hasn’t always been welcoming to these populations and it is still a challenge for some to be “out” and open as there are still ramifications at work, in families and communities.

That said, I think we are seeing a large cultural shift around marriage and relationships, with a greater acknowledgment and understanding that desire isn’t always vanilla, and relationships and loving can look many different ways. Ensuring that these communities have a wealth of resources and access to well-informed providers is essential for the overall wellness of the city.

PQ: Even with something like 50 Shades Of Gray, and the exploring it has inspired, the realities of kink are still largely a mystery to the general public. How do you see this playing out in mental health?

8 • NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015

Meg Jeske LPC: I believe it is our job as clinicians to be a safe place to bring questions, concerns, experiences both positive and negative, and that we need to know enough about the type of kink being explored to provide support. We should not rely on our clients to teach us what we need to know, that’s on us—to read, network, consult with peers or supervisors to fill in any gaps in our own understanding.

I also think the widespread popularity and accessibility of something like 50 Shades creates an opportunity for mental health folks to add questions about BDSM to our usual inquiries about the sexual and relational lives of our clients. Being the one to broach this topic could create the necessary permission for a client to speak openly about these aspects of their desire and their experience.

PQ: There has been a long-running division in the queer community around mainstream vs. alternative, including disparities reflected in income and resources. How do you see this reflected regarding mental health, and how do you address it?

Joseph E. Doherty, Ph.D.: Stigmatization and judgment of each other within the queer community sadly has been a longstanding and painful issue, inflaming the lack of belonging that ALL queers already feel in the ‘mainstream’ world. I see it complicating the trauma my patients have already experienced, so as a Psychotherapist I take the lead in naming it and making it ‘safe’ for it to be discussed in the therapy office.

Patients need to know that it is not only OK but healthy to honor their specific feelings surrounding their marginalization and stigmatization by their ‘own’ community. Honoring the fragmentation of the GLBTQQI to my patients decreases the feeling of isolation and separation from others and ‘normalizes’ (for lack of a better term) their personal experiences.

PQ: Relationships are often complicated by differences like class, culture, politics or age; but there can also be differences in needs around relationship structure and sexuality. What have you learned about working with couples in this situation?

Kacee M. Markarian, MA. LMFT: Being a therapist shows me firsthand that each person and each relationship is beautifully unique. When it comes to differences in needs, it’s important to question assumptions about what can and cannot work for any particular relationship. Radical love in the 21st century more often includes radical acceptance and celebration of your partner’s needs. That’s possible even when those needs are radically different from your own, as long as basic needs such as love, appreciation, emotional intimacy,

and mutual trust are the foundation of the relationship.

When the individuals in a relationship express differing needs and desires in the realms of relationship structure and sexuality, harmony is more likely in the context of self-knowledge and honest, open communication. Wildly divergent desires can be, at the extremes, either a liberating pathway to deeper connection and self-awareness or a dark road filled with confusion, chaos, and suffering. If people are willing and able to have clear communication by taking personal responsibility for their own emotional reactions to perceived threats to the relationship, they’re more likely to find harmony.

PQ: Gender is evolving quickly these days and the general population often doesn’t keep up with information and language relating to genderqueer, agender and transgender people. How do you handle this topic with your patients, and what advice do you have for people when they meet someone whose gender they find perplexing?

Anna Cullop, MA, NCC I strategize with my clients to relieve feelings of burden, like providing well-informed resources to those who are uninformed rather than using their own experience as a teaching tool. We largely work on increasing resilience, selfworth, healthy boundaries, and building a community that is both knowledgeable and affirming.

If you are perplexed by someone’s gender presentation, try stepping back and sitting with the discomfort. Ask yourself “What about my upbringing, cultural norms, privilege or beliefs are being confronted at this moment?” so you can begin to unpack whatever fears or phobias are present. Get familiar with gender-neutral pronouns like “they and them,” and work on using language that is affirming to everyone, “Hi folks” verses “hi guys.”

PQ: If there were one piece of advice you could give to a therapist encountering a client who is kinky, poly or otherwise sex radical for the first time, what would it be?

Kirk Shepard, MA: When clients are in a monogamous, heteronormative and/or vanilla relationship and are struggling with jealousy, sex, or intimacy, they can call a therapist or run to a bookstore and find tons of resources and support. Clients who are kinky, poly, or sex radical should have the same opportunities to be seen and heard without judgment. There are many ways to engage with sexuality and relationships. I encourage other therapists to confront their own fears and socially imposed norms about relationship structures and sexual partners.

End note: If you have topics you’d like me to cover, products you’d like me to review, people you’d like to hear from, or resources to share, please get in touch! sossity@pqmonthly.com

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NEWS

HEIDI HO Continued from page 5

a retail genius from Whole Foods. The two of them and Lyssa would pretend to be sharks and grill me with every type of questions to prepare me for the show.

PQ: So you “seal a deal” with Lori Greiner in record time then what happens after the show. I mean do they have a contract ready for you, what’s the process?

LS: Well first they take you right from the studio to the airport right after the show. So we get home and three days later we get a call from Lori Greiner assistant, and five days later we are on the phone with Lori working out the details of the investment.

PQ: So with the $125,000 capital investment how have you grown your business Heidi Ho Organics?

HL: Well when we went in the Shark Tank Heidi Ho Organics was valuated at $500,000. We have already hit $1.1 million

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in sales this year and will finish the year at $1.4 million, making our company worth close to $5 million. We also received a second loan from Whole Foods and you can now find our products in their stores nationwide. https://youtu.be/Wr-X7cqciQs PQ: So what does the future hold for Heidi Ho Organics?

HL: I can’t say what we have in store for you for 2016. However, we will say that we are going to be a heritage brand and want to be found down every grocery aisle, not just in the specialty food section. We have some big surprises coming in 2016 and are currently entertaining potential local investors to grow with us.

Heidi Ho Organics, as Whole Food describes has created a range of plantbased vegan cheese alternatives that are made from sustainably sourced ingredients, without any additives, fillers, or unnatural preservatives. Made from ingredients like cashews, hazelnuts and chia seeds, Heidi Ho products are dairy-free, gluten-free, soyfree, and paleo friendly. Even more exciting - their products have similar characteristics of dairy cheese; meltable like real cheese!

Their line includes vegetable based Creamy Chia Cheeze, Spicy! Chia Cheeze, Smoky Chia Cheeze, and cultured cashew based Ne Chevre Pure, and Ne Chevre Black Lava.

For Investment Opportunities in this food revolution please contact Heidi Ho Organics at info@heidiho.com https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rePFwtmGDl8&feature=youtu.be

NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015 • 9

NEWSHISTORY LGBT FEATURE

KEEPING IT GAY WITH HOLIDAY CHEER

By Marco Davis, PQ Monthly Coastal Correspondent

This past month, I had the pleasure of traveling to Manhattan to spend a week with my brother, Ken and his partner, Kevin. Yaas queen, my brother, is gay too! Part of my trip was to do a little photo shoot in Times Square to get a great shot for my holiday show poster.

I first moved to Manhattan in 1994, I was barely out; I was really nervous about being out, so my journey out of the closet made it feel like I was trapped in a revolving door for many years. Too much guilt and fear about embracing me. Ken helped me with that in so many ways! When I was just 21, and he was about 20 with a fake ID, he took me to my first gay bar, the Brigg, downtown Portland. Blew my world wide open. He opened my eyes to a whole world I was so afraid of.

He did that for me in Manhattan too. I moved there before him. I had a friend moving there to go to the American Musical and Dramatic Academy (AMDA) and she encouraged me to give the city a try.

I packed 2 bags and left the comfort of Astoria, Oregon for the thrill of the Big Apple!!!

I arrived with 500 bucks and a lot of enthusiasm!!! Got a job right away at a place called Cafe Mozart; loved that crazy place. My brother arrived about 6 months later and we took to discovering the mysteries of the city. We were fearless, a new sensation for me.

I could only take the city for a few years, I am a true West Coast boy and my strings were pulled back to Astoria.

Ken has been there for over 20 years now, with Kevin for 19. They have the same place and I go visit every few years. This trip felt so special. This was the place I first discovered my inner Queen, I didn’t dare take her out, she was a house party delight. When I returned to Astoria, I let her out every Halloween. It was fun and ‘acceptable’ in our small town. I’ve been doing that for years and 3 years ago, I named her, Daylight Cums, and I created a family of wonderful children who are always ready to go on whatever trip I chart for us. This year, we are turning up the heat and doing a New Year’s Eve show at the Columbian Theater. Hence, the desire to bring Daylight home to her roots.

I must admit, I was a bit timid as I made my way out of the apartment and onto 48th, my brother took my arm and escorted me to Times Square! What a rush!!! So many people, all the lights, the smell of pizza and nuts roasting, it was a dream come true! I let go of his arm and found my stride as I took to the street and let the lights shine down on me!!! I was in heaven. At one point I was able to take in what was happening around me; a circle of people all the way around snapping photos, smiling and asking for a shot together.

We made our way to our favorite gayborhood bars, started at Barrage, then Flaming Saddles and finally Therapy to watch a show. I was bubbling with joy and inspiration; and the boys were so flirty, made me feel extremely special.

The next day, we were on our way to their house Upstate New York, to go work at their home accessory store, Passi-

flora. To my horror, which turned to delight, I spent 2 days decorating for Christmas, and it wasn’t even Halloween yet.

As Kevin put it, there are only 8 weekends until Christmas; so it made total sense from a retail point of view.

The holidays used to be very special to me, growing up in a large Catholic family made it so. My job was always to help mom get the tree on the stand, find its best side and string all the lights, all the while listening to one of our favorite albums, Amy Grant Christmas. I know. I know. But it is so good. Don’t worry, Barbara’s album got equal air time.

I loved my childhood house; the fireplace, the big rooms, the woods out back; we would go scout sheets of moss to decorate the manger with, so magical.

The house has been on the market for the last several years; my family vacated the town about 9 years ago, so it’s just been me until recently; my little brother, his daughter and our parents moved back to town. He bought a house 2 blocks from our old home, so he is back in the hood. He hasn’t lived here for 25 years; now that he is retired from the Navy, he is ready to let his roots grow again. I love having him around.

This holiday season is going to be interesting for sure.

I’ve done the friend slash low key Christmas for years now; this year the family falls back into the equation.

The interesting part is that I have started some other traditions with friends and don’t want to see that end too.

I guess the biggest one is that for the past 5 Thanksgivings, I do a meal for all the cafe kids and friends that are not going home for the holiday. I cook up a few birds, do HOLIDAY CHEER page 11

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GLAPN VOICES

FEATURE

PCC CASCADE CAMPUS LAUNCHES QUEER RESOURCE CENTER

By George T. Nicola, GLAPN

The Cascade Campus of Portland Community College launched its new Queer Resource Center (QRC) with a grand opening on Monday, October 12. About 80 people attended. The event was organized by QRC Student Advocates, with support from Debra Porta, an employee of PCC Cascade, who is also President of Pride Northwest.”

QRC Student Advocates and ASPCC Student Leaders, who spoke included Will Spalding, Israel Johnson, Onesha Cochran-Dumas, who is also active with PFLAG Portland Black Chapter, and Red Hamilton, who is also campus Black Student Union Coordinator.

Others who addressed the gathering included openly lesbian Oregon House Speaker Tina Kotek, PCC Cascade President Dr. Karin Edwards, and PCC Chief of Staff Dr. Traci Fordham (on behalf of PCC Interim President Dr. Sylvia Kelley).

PCC’s website states, “The Queer Resource Center’s mission is to facilitate a campus community that intentionally advocates for, supports, and empowers students, faculty, staff, and alumni of all sexualities, sexes, gender identities, and gender expressions. We conduct educational outreach as well as provide a safe, welcoming space that offers both academic and personal support to Portland Community College’s LGBTQQ and Ally communities.”

For more detail, please see https://www. pcc.edu/resources/qrc/cascade/.

HOLIDAY CHEER

first true year without getting to enjoy all of my food pleasures. I am crossing my finContinued from page 10 gers, toes and eyes for the strength to make it through strong.

I am excited about getting to go to my the stuffing and spuds, set a beautiful table and they bring some sides and pies. It is brother’s house Christmas morning and always a great time and we have between sit by his fireplace and watch his daughter 20-30 friends show. I’ve asked the family to open all the gifts she will be showered with. join, but they want to have their day with It will not make me sad but fill me with joy because I will be with my family and mom the family at the house.

Being a lifetime single man, I’ve never will play Amy Grant and I won’t be able to had the conflict of picking whose house avoid singing along because as badass as I am I can’t help myself. to go to for what holiday. I’ve Then, there is our New always just done what I feel like “MY HOLIDAY WISH Year’s Eve show! Daylight and doing. Over the past few years, I’ve stopped with the buying of FOR US IS THAT WE friends. This is a first for us.

We usually do just a party in gifts; I do send New Year’s cards, and try to be in the moment of ALL GIVE OURSELVES the Voodoo room, which is always a great time, crowded the season. It gets so hard while PERMISSION TO but great. Now, it is going watching everyone around me dash madly to get gifts for all JUST BE OURSELVES to be a big drag and varitheir friends and their pets.

AND NOT WHO WE ety show with a dance party and good cheer!!! It is going Don’t get me wrong, I love gifts! I, especially, love wrapping THINK OUR FAMILIES to be an incredible way to them. It is a wonder to see the WANT, LET US ALL ring in the New Year. Have the Glam Tram pick us up at joy that spreads across a perGIVE THE GIFT OF the house, do a loop through son’s face when presented with a gift. So, I save my gift giving for OUR AUTHENTICITY, town dancing on the bus and get dropped off at the front of times when a gift isn’t expected.

OPEN HEARTS, the theater and greet all of our I think my favorite thing was always the goodie plates that SMILES, LAUGHTER, friends that have come out to join the Cums family in some would be shared between famAND CHEER.” good ol’ entertainment. ilies. Mrs. Olson always made I am coming to realize the the best oatmeal molasses cookies and this chocolate dipped nut and trick to the holidays and life is to just go with chop suey clusters; she always put extra for it; to not hold too tightly to any one thing, me. My sister would make Advent wreath never any telling what may happen. I have cookies which were crispy cornflake treats witnessed more miracles in my lifetime than with green food coloring and red hots, I’d I ever thought I would, genuine heart melteat at least 4 each time I popped the lid on ing, tear forming miracles.

My holiday wish for us is that we all give the container. So many treats and candy!!!

All of that is not even a possibility for me ourselves permission to just be ourselves these days. I am one of those gluten-free and not who we think our families want, let can’t have this and that and hold the soy us all give the gift of our authenticity, open kind of people now. This is going to be my hearts, smiles, laughter, and cheer.

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FEATURE

CHEERS QUEERS! HOLIDAY CELEBRATIONS & SOBRIETY

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By Samantha L. Taylor, PQ Monthly

My sober-versary is January 1. Next year, January 1st, 2016 will mark two years sober for me.

I have to think it’s at least somewhat of a comfort to my chosen family that they no longer have to expect late night/early morning phone calls requesting them to come scrape me off of a wet sidewalk, or some unknown peesoaked couch. What’s worse, that pee wasn’t even mine, it was my date’s. We may have loved each other quite a lot, but we were also dealing with our individual addictive demons. Unfortunately, her demons had such a hold that it contributed to her taking her own life last year.

Everything that I’ve experienced up to January 1st, 2014 has been instrumental in my wanting to be sober. Losing loved ones along the way makes it a struggle to stay the course.

I decided to navigate sobriety for a couple reasons. First, I didn’t want to be pouring Crown Royal into my morning coffee like my mother, nor did I want to blow my rent money on cocaine (anymore). I’ve seen where that path leads, and it’s nowhere that I want to be.

And second, I wanted to try sobriety because substance (ab)use made me feel like I wasn’t the role model I knew I could be for queer youth. I still don’t know if “it gets better,” maybe marginally. What I do know is that there’s more to “it” than just parties and Pride floats.

It doesn’t just get better, but it gets complicated, too.

Within those complications exists liberation and self-determination. For me, I couldn’t access these life-sustaining necessities if I was tethered to substance use. So, I made the decision to develop a new relationship with substances. It’s like a break-up of sorts, the kind you never really get over: we see each other intermittently on social media, I might even “like” some of their posts or pictures featuring our mutual friends, but no way in hell were we going to meet face-to-face again.

The last few months of the year can be some of the hardest for queer and trans people. For various reasons, many of us are estranged from our biological families and this is the season where most of the people we know want to celebrate and hold our loved ones close.

I’d like to invite each of us to consider what it means

to support our sober friends and family while observing holidays.

What I’d like to see more of is an offering of a range of holiday events. Giving people more opportunities to plug into our festivities without having to sacrifice their sobriety, or feeling like they have to choose between their sobriety and their community.

Reevaluating our party planning doesn’t mean we can’t have fun. It just means we’re making room for more people to enjoy it! I bet if you really thought about it, you could probably think of some sober friends in your life, some parents with children and some youth who you know could benefit from being included in your holiday gaiety.

When planning holiday parties, some people strategize to make their events more accessible to sober folks and youth by either omitting substances or sequestering them to specific and clearly labeled areas. And still others will host celebrations that do not engage, at all, the usage of recreational substances. This is a notion that can be quite terrifying or upsetting to some. I encourage you to think about why this is, and maybe discuss what comes up for you with a friend or therapist.

I did not write this as a means to pass judgment on those of us who use substances to self-medicate. Too often it’s the cheapest, most readily accessible form of “therapy” we can rely on. To some extent, we’re responsible for supporting each other. However, it’s up to each of us what we can manageably endure, and for how long.

Sobriety and the discussion of it have led me to lots of awkward conversations with coworkers, friends, and lovers, many of whom aren’t sober. Each one has taught me something about myself, how I want my relationships to look and feel, and in what ways my sobriety is, or isn’t, valued by the people in my life.

Maybe some of you will come away from this reading moved to brainstorm ways you can prompt your friends, family, and organizations to have holiday parties that are accessible to sober people. Consider bringing it up first with someone you think is most likely to support you in this change. When you present this to your networks, expect responses that range from awkward agreement to social exclusion and isolation.

Some people will take the path of least resistance, and ignore the issue completely. It’s been my experience that this happens for a few reasons, but most of it is connected to fear and guilt. Don’t be surprised if your push to support your own sobriety or other sober people inspires others to self-select out of your life. Making room for more like-minded folks isn’t the worst thing that could happen, is it?

At some point, we must privilege our vulnerable community members over our egos and fear of social sacrifice.

Let’s give way to a more equitable holiday season by letting our loved ones know we support them in whatever stage of sobriety they may be hovering around in. Let’s bring the margins to the center through our careful consideration and support of people who need us most this season.

“I’d like to invite each of us to consider what it means to support our sober friends and family while observing holidays.”

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Samantha L. Taylor is an undergraduate student at Portland State University. She is a McNair scholar, a writer, and an artist. Samantha drinks copious amounts of black tea to get through the days and consumes a fair amount of sci-fi to get through the nights. pqmonthly.com

EMBODY Re/Creating Traditions

By Sossity Chiricuzio, PQ Monthly

We are frequently creatures of spiritual habit, finding solace in grooves worn by our ancestor’s hands, knees, voices. Tasting their wisdom in our mouths. Giving or serving in formulas where seeing each other gains heft and mass.

In a world ruled by money and fear, those traditions can also be used to buy and sell us, to batter at each other and build a soapbox platform from, to splinter into cold silence. Where attendance is a mandatory ransom for love or money or food or shelter.

Where visibility is a variable, and patterns can cut and crumple you down to a size considered more suitable. Where holidays and rituals themselves have been turned into ad copy by church and store and state, so we consume on color coded demand.

How do we celebrate the harvest while acknowledging the death and destruction many of our ancestors wreaked, leach the poisons from food grown on stolen land?

How do we celebrate the passing of winter from darkness back to light without painting dark as bad and light as unattainable grace?

In my family of origin (patchwork as it is), our holidays have always been tremendously important, and incredibly flexible.

We work in the medical and hospitality industries, on call or on duty during those times when everyone is too tired to cook or too drunk to drive, so we find a window of time and make a holiday out of love tokens and time together. Turkey is important, but so is dominoes, and telling stories, and sunset walks. Presents are exciting, but so is a room full of belly laughs and that warm burrow feeling of familiar scents.

Untangling the propaganda from the truth, the history of the convenient lies, that is the challenge. Letting go of traditions, or people, or expectations that hinder growth towards a kinder sacred. A more honest ceremony. Digging down to the roots of anxiety and anger and sorrow and privilege and guilt, pulling them gently from their grip on our gut, laying them down and walking on by.

It is not simply one answer, either. There are layers of warp and weft in the cloth of family; great gaping holes that could be rented and never sewn close again if we just vanish. If they just vanish us. It is a balancing act of courage and compassion and compromise. It is a fine sharp edge of respect and witness, of self-worth and the weight of centuries. It is the dry hunger of ghosts and regret, seeking joy.

Do you hide under the covers? Sit quiet and observe from several inches behind your eyes? Run that pirate ship aground on the family table, freak flag flying?

Perhaps you’re one of the lucky few that has a family of origin who welcomes you in your ever evolving self, welcomes you in

FEATURE FEATURES

Photo by J Tyler Huber.

VOICES

with your face and feelings all naked and proud. Welcomes you into their own raw and tender and truth. Or perhaps this is the family that you’ve built, or long to build. Perhaps you’ve tried on the traditions of others, hoping for sanctuary, for solace and spirituality. For some sense of how to walk with gratitude as a footprint.

Those are things you learn from observing, not acquiring. From following the footprints of your own history, back to the bonfire of your great to the 10th grandparents and their sacrifice to the moon; to the stag king fleeing towards destiny in a dark wood; to the great tilted rocks and their star pictures; to Sicilian sugar figures and Chilean bread of the dead, but not if it’s not yours.

Taking is not a tradition, it’s a habit, and one it’s time to break.

Can we find a way to set the table for traditions other than our own, to invite them in with clean blankets and honest food?

Can we greet them without grasping, without gauging potential profit or exotic quotient? Can we admire them from afar, without having them for our own?

Some many of us just wanting to belong.

To feel a sense of unity with more than our own anxious brain and ideas of what is real.

To find or make some sort of faith, some sort of connection to a bigger purpose than our rent and hunger and boredom. We often slip up; buy it at a tourist trap bargain outlet whitewashed into an easy souvenir of a wistful moment; lift it from an evocative paragraph in a book meant to be feminist; stumble across it on the internet and collect it like beach treasure.

To take in this way, without history or invitation is to scoop it hollow of meaning and magic. Worshiping false idols made of mirror shards, wrapped in the warm glow of privilege. Spirit is asking. Ritual is perceiving. Prayer is the shape of your own beating heart laid bare and plumbed deep. How can you get there without traveling inward and backward to learning?

Do you know the prayers on those flags; light a candle for Buddha; lay flowers at the feet of Isis and Kwan Yin? Do you honor the faces of the Divine you have adopted, or just adorn your space with the idea of them? Do you make room on the altar for your own ancestors, even the uncomfortable ones?

Whether it’s genetic memory or reincarnation or the infinitely looping nature of energy, we will keep wrestling our way along this mortal coil, seeking meaning.

Seeking home. Finding ways and days to gather, to feast, to mourn, to dance, to vision. Travel the maze of half-truths and politics and history, safeguard your center, and feed it well. Traditions are what we make of them.

End note: If you have topics you’d like me to cover, products you’d like me to review, people you’d like to hear from, or resources to share, please get in touch! sossity@pqmonthly.com pqmonthly.com

NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015 • 13

VOICES

THE SECRET LIFE OF SUMMER SEASONS: CELEBRATING THE HOLIDAYS MY OWN WAY

By Summer Lynne Seasons, PQ Monthly

Growing up with a large family we always had huge Christmas parties. When you’re young you don’t really understand why you had to hug the Aunt and Uncle you see but once a year, but you do it because mom and dad say so, and then you wonder why they are making such a big deal about how much you’ve grown or changed. To me, most often these people seemed like total strangers. I mean I knew we were related, but we weren’t very close so we put on the charade that we loved each other and carried on about our lives. As I grew older, I started to form my own opinions about all of these family members. In my heart and my head they became my family and for that I’m grateful for the family values mom and dad made me adhere to because it made my life so much easier to navigate when I became an adult.

From an early age, it was always instilled in me that family was not just blood but who you chose to spend your time with as well.

I grew up with 2 families, The Millers, and The Sajovics and by all intents and purposes the girls were my sisters. We did everything together, Thanksgiving, Easter, Shasta family vacations, and I knew that no matter what Cory, Michele, Brandy, and Kym were just as much my family as my brother Blake and my sister Alexis. It wasn’t a holiday unless it was spent with these families.

Christmas was always a different ball game, however. We spent it with our blood families and although at first it was awkward, I began to enjoy these memories with my parent’s families. No family isn’t perfect without it’s black sheep, and often I felt I was probably one of them, being the first member in my family to come out, but somehow the large amount of us made it easier to navigate being close to each other.

There was definitely our share of feuds, but at Christmas we all somehow managed to come together and for one day let all the other stuff go.

As we grew older and my large amounts of cousins started having kids of their own, it became increasingly difficult for us to do the large family gatherings, but mom somehow always found a way to get her sisters together and do baking cookie days, which is where my love of baking came from.

14 • NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015

With our families growing and changing, we began to grow and change our own traditions. Our good friends the Marsh’s invited us to a Christmas Eve, Margaritas and Mexican food feast and our new family tradition was born.

Often times we only get to see each other that day, but now we walk into it thankful that we get to spend the time with people HOLIDAY WITH MY CREW whom we love and whom we choose and they chose us. We are a family.

My traditions changed drastically when I went to go work for Darcelle XV, however.

Darcelle is perhaps the most generous person I know, and she told me on Christmas Eve that she served the homeless of the neighborhood and I agreed to come not really knowing what to expect. First, I was blown away by the amount of food that Darcelle personally paid for and had cooked for all the people. Second, I was blown away by the gratitude of all the families that were thankful just to have a warm meal. I remember as I was driving to the Margarita party after that tears were streaming down my face at how amazing and emotional that night was for me. It has become a tradition that I look forward to every year. The feast only gets bigger and better, but the attitude of it never changes, it’s such a humbling experience.

My friends changed the scope of holiday traditions for me entirely also. My family has always been the kind to invite you to our house for the holidays, if you have nowhere to go, you come to ours and many of my friends began their holidays with us at our house. As we got to be older, everyone sort of branched out and did their own things but we made sure to come together. We now annually do a Friendsgiving feast, a Christmas gift exchange and Lucky Leprechaun where the entire month of March we shower one person with positivity and small gifts.

You see my holidays don’t have to be anything or everything all wrapped into what it used to be. It’s an ever-growing field that makes life enjoyable and fun. The times were changing and I was ready to embrace the change with it. I’m so thankful for each experience and opportunity that gets to come my way for the holidays because making people enjoy them gives me the greatest joy ever.

For now, I’ll continue to wrap each Christmas present in Blue or silver so that you know it’s from me, but I’m not opposed to changing it to Purple. We are lucky to live in the world where we get to choose our family and have a family also. No matter what part of the spectrum works best for you, chosen or blood, learn to celebrate each other at least for the holiday season. Summer may be my favorite Season, but winter is about people coming together to be at home. pqmonthly.com

VOICES

COMMUNITY

DON’T TOUCH MY HAIR! A LETTER TO MY MISUNDERSTOOD MOTHER: THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SURVIVOR

By Giovanni Blair McKenzie, PQ Monthly

Dear mom, For so many years, I misunderstood you.

As a kid, I thought you were superwoman. Like every fictional superhero, you had no flaws. You couldn’t––superheroes don’t have flaws.

But what I misunderstood then is that you were hurt, a n d e ve n t u a l l y you would turn that hurt toward me. You couldn’t help it, though.

When we all left Jamaica 5 years ago, you spent a GIOVANNI BLAIR MCKENZIE year in Portland with me. Then you left, and I blamed you for everything––for abandoning me, for turning your back on me, and for all my failures and my flaws. It was always your fault. There was nothing that I didn’t unconsciously blame you for.

But as I’ve gotten older and become an adult myself––older now that you were when you became my mother––I understand you more.

You’re a domestic violence survivor; my father was the monster under your bed, and I bear his face.

I understand how scary it must have been for you when you learned you were pregnant, even before my father threatened you and told you to get an abortion.

I can only imagine the pain you felt when he pushed you down the stairs, trying to kill me before I was even born.

I imagine how hard it was for you to raise a child who had your abuser’s face, who served as a daily reminder of the violence you endured.

You bore your bastard child, even though you thought against it. And as I grew older, I looked less like you and more like him.

How did you keep going?

Even when I told you I was searching for my dad online, you didn’t tell me the truth because you didn’t want to break my heart.

This man I respected was not the man you knew. You protected me.

When my brother came in the picture, it was another child with a different father. As I entered my teens, you had twins.

The burden you barred as a single mother with one child, then two, then four is a level of responsibility that I can’t imagine.

I can’t imagine the things you’ve done to buy diapers, keep food on the table, clothes on your children, and a roof over our heads, all on your own.

These stories are not ones you ever told me; grandma had to tell me about how I was born. And I always wondered “why didn’t she say anything?”

But when grandma told me, I unlocked a whole new level of compassion and understanding. Now I know it’s because you couldn’t. You are a survivor, and you’re still healing.

Thanks to my own suffering, I’ve been able to understand yours.

I am a Black Jamaican immigrant in a country that hates all those parts of who I am. I too have endured trauma and abuse.

But I’m a survivor too; because you showed me how.

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NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015 • 15

FEATURE GET OUT WEDDINGS

VOICES STYLE DECONSTRUCTED

1

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 19

GET

OUT! Want more? We’ll give you everything. Head over to pqmonthly.com and check out our online calendar of events, submit your own events, and send photos for your event. Also, remember to carefully examine our weekly weekend forecast — with the latest and greatest events — each Wednesday (sometimes Thursday), online only.

--MATT PIZZUTI, CALENDAR EDITOR PQ MONTHLY

PQ Monthly Press Party.

Mix and mingle with the makers of and the writers from your favorite queer newsmagazine. Join us in celebrating the November/ December issue of PQ Monthly, hot off the press, while enjoying the elegant ambiance of the Mitchell Gold and Bob Williams (MG+BW) showroom. Grab a drink, catch up with friends and make new ones. Good times all around. Starts at 5 p.m., 1106 W Burnside Street. Free!

About this month’s press party: MG+BW will be providing hosted Hors d’oeuvres by Vibrant Table Catering & Events, and a no-host bar with signature holiday drinks. Now, for your entertainment MG+BW will unveil their new beautifully crafted limited-edition gaming tables with professionals on hand for live demonstrations!

NOVEMBER 20-21

Portland Night Market. A free festival open to all ages, The Portland Night Market showcases the many unique and diverse

2

EVERY SUNDAY

Drag Brunch: Testify at Stag with Alexis Campbell Starr. From 11 a.m. until 3 p.m. every Sunday, Ms. Starr brings you the city’s hottest drag performers, drink specials (5 for $5 mimosas, $5 American Harvest Bloody Marys), and tasty brunch—all in the city’s hottest new bar. Be there promptly at 11, children. Ms. Starr demands it; and she brings so many guests.

Stag, 317 NW Broadway.

Samuel’s Hangover Happy Hour. Bloody Marys, friends, food, beats by Art of Hot and guests.

It is an excellent recovery scenario. Mingle with queers in a very chill setting. 2 p.m.-7 p.m., Euphoria, 315 SE Third. Free.

Superstar Divas. Bolivia Carmichaels, Honey Bea Hart, Topaz Crawford, Isaiah Tillman, and guest stars perform your favorite pop, Broadway, R&B, rock, and country hits.

Dance floor opens after the show. Check out the newest and freshest Diva hits, plus a variety of diverse talent. 8 p.m., CC Slaughters, 219 NW Davis. Free!

DANCE

IT OUT

EVERY MONDAY

Family Home Evening. A weekly, post-work lounge party every Monday night at Vault, featuring DJ Orographic (Bridge Club, Queerlandia) and occasional special guests (Sappho fills in now and then).

Jens Irish serves you happy hour all the live long night. 7 p.m.-11 p.m., Vault, 226 NW 12.

16 • NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015

businesses in Portland’s Central Eastside. Friday, Nov. 20 from 4 p.m. to 10 p.m. and Saturday, Nov. 21 from noon to 10 p.m. 106 SE Alder.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 21

Melissa Ethridge at Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall. Academy Award and Grammy winning artist Melissa Etheridge will take the stage to perform songs from her latest album, This is M.E., as well as some of her greatest hits like “Come to My Window,” “I’m The Only One,” and “I Want To Come Over.” 7:30 p.m. Get tickets at tickets.orsymphony.org. 1037 SW Broadway.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 22

SHINE: Q Center’s Gala/Brunch. Come together to celebrate the Q Center’s ongoing transformation. Thanks to Portland’s resilient community, Q Center has been rebuilt and restored as a resource for support, belonging and intersectional justice. In the spirit of gratitude and in recognition of the fierce collaboration that has metamorphosed Q Center, this event will be a brunch featuring some of Portland’s most beloved community hosts and performers. Entrance cost on a sliding scale, no one turned away for lack of funds. 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. The Nines, 525 SW Morrison St.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 27

“Free Friday” community queer clothing swap. Participate in “buy nothing Black Friday”— don’t spend money—instead, swap and sell your

EVERY WEDNESDAY

Amateur night at Stag PDX, though they won’t look like amateurs, trust. Hosted by Godiva Devyne, come gawk at the pretty dancers.

And talk some shit with the Devyne Ms. G. 9 p.m., Stag PDX, 317 NW Broadway.

EVERY THURSDAY

Hip Hop Heaven. Bolivia Carmichaels hosts this hip-hop-heavy soiree night every Thursday night at CCs. Midnight guest performers and shows. Remember those midnight shows at The City? Bolivia does! 9 p.m., CC Slaughters, 219 NW Davis. Free.

FIRST SATURDAYS

Sugar Town. DJ Action Slacks.

Keywords: Soul, polyester.

Great place to find the ladies, to mingle, to get your groove on. 9 p.m., The Spare Room, 4830 NE 42. $5.

Pop Rocks! 80s music aficionado DJ Matt Consola (Bearracuda) is hosting a very special 80s anthem night at Euphoria Nightclub. The space will be enhanced with an 80s theme featuring dancers, games and an official Dungeons & Dragons Gaming Table, visuals, rad 80s movies, drink specials, a photo booth, coat check and special guest DJs. 10 p.m., Euphoria, 315 SE 3. No cover.

SECOND TUESDAYS

Bi Bar—every second Tuesday at Crush, and it’s an open, bi-affirming space for music and mingling. Correction: Bi/Pan/Fluid/ Queer. 8 p.m., Crush, 1400 SE Morrison.

gently used clothing and accessories at Parkside in Kenton. “Brin clean, non tattered clothing, shoes and accessories to Parkside fo lovely queer-focused clothing swap.” 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. Parkside 2135 N Willis Blvd. #BlackLivesMatter Friday March on Portland. Unite again injustice, racism, oppression, police brutality and demand justice f people of color at Holladay City Park. 1 p.m. to 10 p.m. NE 11th Ave & NE Holladay St.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 1

Heroes of HIV Luncheon. Join Cascade AIDS Project commem orating World AIDS Day at the second annual luncheon by honoring the individuals and organizations that made a significant contribution fighting HIV. This year’s honorees: Darcelle XV, The Standard Insurance, and Income Property Management. 11:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. at the Sentinel Hotel, Governor’s Ballroom. More info/tickets at heroesofHIV.org, $50. 614 SW 11th Ave. Taco First Tuesday. A monthly fundraiser for Dykes On Bikes Portland Chapter. Come enjoy a taco or 2, or 3, drink some tequila and play trivia for prizes. Motorcycle parking right out front! 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. at 1864 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Free to attend.

A John Waters Christmas: Holier and Dirtier. Iconic g director and comedian John Waters performs an unforget table night of holiday mischief at the Aladdin Theater with critically acclaimed one man show, A John Waters Christm Tickets start at $35, see aladdin-theater.com. 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave.

DECEMBER 2-6

SECOND FRIDAYS

Slo Jams is a Queer Modern R&B & Neo Soul Dance Night at Local Lounge. DJ II TRILL (TWERK) and DJ MEXXX-TAPE lay do everything from Mary J // Jagged Edge// Keyshia to Badu//Laury Etc. 10 p.m., Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. $5.

SECOND SATURDAYS

Hot Flash: Inferno. (Second and Fourth Saturdays) In the heart of Portland is where the women are—dancing the night away and burning up dance floors the second and fourth Saturdays of every month at Trio. Welcoming all women, queers, and their allies. DJ Lauren joins Wildfire, and this night features dancers from up and down the I-5 corridor. 6 p.m.-10 p.m., Trio, 909 E. Burnside.

THIRD MONDAYS

Bump, grind and crash into your favorite quee friends at Gay Skate. Look for our publisher, who’s always handin out copies of PQ. And, you know, you’ll probably get a date. Every third Monday. CALENDAR SP Food drive for Take Action Inc. 7 p.m., Oaks Park, 7805 SE Oaks Park Way. $6.

THIRD WEDNESDAYS

Comedy at Crush: Belinda Carroll and a slew of locals rustle up some funny. Special guests, and Crush’s signature cocktail and food menus.

Donations, sliding scale. (Comics pqmonthly.com

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The 2015 Holiday Ale Festival’s 20th installment is here! Tempt your palate with more than 50 rare or exclusive specialty ales, one of finest gatherings of winter beers anywhere in the nation. Gather around the christmas tree and stay dry under heated tents for five days of food and fun for $35 admission. 21+. more info at holidayale.com. Pioneer Square.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 5

Jeremiah Clark & The Reasons Why at Alberta Street pub. Tennessee-born singer-songwriter Jeremiah Clark returns to the City of Roses for a one-night-only performance featuring local Portlander Tyler Stenson. All ages, $10 at the door. 1036 NE Alberta St.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 6

High Holiday Bash. The Northwest Cannabis Classic’s inaugural event marks the first year of legalization in Oregon with an event for growers, entrepreneurs, leaders, and consumers. Browse your favorite vendors and learn tips and tricks from experienced growers on growing, cooking, and the health effects of cannabis. $25. Tickets at nwcannabisclassic. com. 1315 NW Overton St.

DECEMBER 11-13

MCC Portland Jubilee Theater presents Three Christmases. A story of three generations in the history of a single family.

Play written by Maury Evans, music by Mark C. Brown., 7 p.m. on

have to eat and drink, too, so give!) 9 p.m., Crush, 1400 SE Morrison.

Queens of the Night: Alexis Campbell Starr. That’s all you need to know. But there’s more: she always welcomes a special slew of talented queens for a night that takes Hip-Hop from beginning to end. 8 p.m., Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. Free.

THIRD THURSDAYS

Polari. Troll in for buvare. Back-in-the-day language, music, and elegance. An ease-youinto-the-weekend mixer. Bridge Club boys make the music. Bridge and tunnel patrons have no idea what to do with us when we pour in. Hint: it’s always the Thursday we go to press. What serendipitous fortune! 10 p.m., Vault, 226 NW 12. Free.

THIRD SATURDAYS

Burlescape! Burlesque & boylesque wrapped in a taste of tease! Zora Phoenix, Isaiah Esquire, Tod Alan. (And there’s more than that, kids.) Zora is a treat and a treasure—and so are her shows. Try one out! 9 p.m., Crush, 1400 SE $10. We’re featuring all of Zora’s PONSORED BY Morrison. events online, so get on the net.

Gaycation: DJ Charming always welcomes special guests—and here you’ll find everything lesbian, gay, and in between. Be early so you can actually get a drink. Sweaty deliciousness, hottest babes. THE party. Yes, boys, even you can hit on Mr. Charming. We know you want to. 9 p.m., Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. $5.

Undergear: Eagle Portland’s monthly under-

er ng

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Friday and Saturday and 2 p.m. on Sunday. Tickets $12 in advance or $15 at the door, 2400 NE Broadway St.

DECEMBER 11-31

It’s the final year for The Second City’s A Christmas Carol: Twist Your Dickens at Portland Center Stage.

After two seasons of hilarious holiday skits, side-splitting improv, surprise celebrity guests and packed houses, The Second City’s A Christmas Carol: Twist Your Dickens takes the stage for the farewell Twist. Regular tickets start at $37.

Preview tickets start at $29. Rush tickets are $20. Tickets for students and patrons who are 30 or younger are $25.

Tickets/more info at www.pcs.org. 128 NW 11th Ave.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 12

Psychic TV with GENESIS BREYER P-ORRIDGE. Waldteufel, Vice Device and Aradia open. 21+ Doors at 9:23 p.m., $20 advance tickets or $23 at the door at Euphoria, 315 SE 3rd Ave., Portland

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 17

PQ Monthly December Press Party. The last PQ Press Party of 2015 comes back home to Scandals, celebrating the release of PQ Monthly’s year-in-review and another amazing year in LGBTQ Portland. 5 p.m.

Scandals, 1125 SW Stark St.

wear, jock, mankini, etc., fetish party every third Saturday.

Free if you arrive before 9 p.m. or if you use free clothes check upon entry after. After 9 p.m. arrivals who do not check clothes must pay $5 entry. Clothes check and raffle prize provided by Cub Cleaners. Eagle Portland, 835 N. Lombard.

FOURTH FRIDAYS

Twerk. (Twerk has moved venues!) DJs ILL Camino and II Trill. Keywords: bring your twerk. The city’s longest-running queer hip hop/R&B party—where artists, deejays, performers come to mix, mingle, and move on the dance floor. We promise you you’ll move all night long. 10 p.m., Killingsworth Dynasty, 832 N Killingsworth. $5.

FOURTH SATURDAYS

Blow Pony. Two giant floors. Wide variety of music, plenty of room for dancing. Rowdy, crowdy, sweaty betty, the one tried and true, even after all these years. 9 p.m., Euphoria, 315 SE 3. $5.

Judy on Duty. Lesbian hardcore. Judys, Judes, and cool ass freaks. Dance it out. DJ Troubled Youth. Organized by Ana Margarita and Megan Holmes. 10 p.m., High Mark Water Lounge, 6800 NE MLK.

LAST SUNDAYS

Sabbathhause Discotheque, gay night is back at Aalto lounge and it is bigger and more queer than ever before. Featuring some of the best deejays and performers around and hosted by night hawk Chanticleer Tru. 8 p.m., Aalto Lounge, 3356 SE Belmont.

3

WEDDINGS FEATURES VOICES GET OUT THE BRILLIANT LIST

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 20

Paris is Burning: Free Screening. Every queer person must see this movie at least once—the classic, historic documentary on 1980s New York City drag ball scene. So why not watch it on a big screen on a Friday night with friends? Paris is Burning takes a rare glimpse into a diverse urban community that was thriving on the margins and became the genesis of much of queer and drag culture today.

Learn the history of the dance phenomenon voguing, the trials and tribulations of queer youth of color facing social and economic repression, the real meaning of the word “shade” and other bits of fascinating history. Paris is Burning is being presented by the Association of Moving Image Archivists Conference and the Portland Queer Film Festival, 7:45 p.m. at Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park Ave. Free!

PQ PICKS

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 21

Trans Liberation Open Mic with MC Alyssa Pagan. $5-10 sliding scale admission gets you entry for free vegan food. No one turned away for lack of funds.

Revenue from cover, drink tickets and silent auction support a queer-friendly nonprofit. From the organizers: “We’re putting the call out to all Trans folx (including genderqueer and other nonbinary folx) that are poets, rappers, musicians, dancers, jugglers, comedians, and performers OF ANY KIND to strut your stuff in a safer space while raising money for an incredibly important cause. Theme is Trans Liberation NOW!” Hosted by Trans Open Mic. 7 p.m. at the famous bookstore In Other Words, 14 NE Killingsworth St.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 1

World AIDS Today at the Oregon Jewish Museum will feature touching, informative or compelling stories from local people whose lives are affected

by HIV. “A ceremonial nonfiction storytelling project featuring local artists and writers as they explore living with HIV through the lens of past, present and future.” Marking world AIDS day with the December First Writers, the event is a space for expression from a diverse range of those affected.

7 p.m., $15 at the door or $10 for museum members.

1953 NW Kearney St, Portland.

NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015 • 17

VOICES FEATURES GLAPN

VOICES

FINDING LEO A Place at the Table

By Leo Bancroft, PQ Monthly

I love autumn leaves and pumpkins, turkey and mashed potatoes, my friends and my family. I really want Thanksgiving to be my favorite holiday. But anticipating that it will not be the ideal holiday I envision, I can get bummed out. I have a few social invitations, for which I’m grateful.

But to be honest, I feel like the odd man out at Thanksgiving.

When I was a child, drawing plans for my dream home with my future husband, with names for each kid, and a room for the grand piano, I didn’t know that I would grow up to be a divorced bisexual trans man who scarcely remembered how to play the piano. Thanksgiving is when I pictured myself hosting a big gathering of friends and family around a long table, with shared traditions and memories.

But now I’m 40 and I don’t have a place of my own or a nuclear family. I am grateful that most of my family loves and accepts me for who I am, but I can’t help but feel like each year at Thanksgiving I’m the single guy who winds up tagging along with other families’ traditions. Would this have turned out differently if I had come out as trans as a kid and didn’t have to start over at 38? Would I have a more solid sense of belonging?

My relationship with God has certainly not gone as planned either. When I was a kid, I imagined myself as a pastor, conducting burial services for my best friend’s bird and performing marriage services for my dolls and cats. I have attempted seminary twice, in 1997 and 2006. But God and I had our biggest fight in the fall of 2008. It wasn’t our last or only fight, and I was probably the only one yelling and crying, but it was certainly the most dramatic. I dropped out of seminary and was ready to walk at away from the church. I was PISSED that God allows suffering in the world, including my depression. I had lost my faith, lost my sense of direction in life, and felt betrayed by the church and God. Socially, I felt lonely and isolated. I couldn’t figure out how to be “one of the guys” and didn’t know what trans was. I frequently felt like I didn’t quite fit in.

Friends from that time period describe me as socially awkward and uncomfortable in my own skin.

Fast forward seven years and this autumn is very different. Finding a place in the LGBTQ community, raising awareness and money to end AIDS, and coming to my own as an advocate for LGBTQ welcome in the church, each of these has helped me to reconnect with God and understand who

18 • NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015

I am as a person who seeks out spiritual connections.

Disclaimer : As I try to mention in all of my writings, I am not trying to get you to go to church, or believe in God. That is none of my business and not my job. I only want to make churches safe and loving for those who already want to go, and tell the story of my own faith journey.

The other day I helped serve communion at my church, St. Andrew Lutheran in Beaverton. Maybe I don’t have a home of my own to throw big Thanksgiving parties, but I am grateful for a church where I can publicly transition from female to male. I’m no longer so mad at God and appreciate being able to receive communion as Leo, to preach and teach as an out trans man.

Life didn’t turn out as I planned or hoped, but I am grateful to be loved as my authentic self. I belong here.

Serving the grape juice at communion this day, I came to a toddler, who, when I reached them, plunged their hand knuckle-deep into the juice, their chubby threeyear-old fingers wrapped around the bread.

The image captured my imagination. This child knew they belonged at this communion table, and with exuberance dove into the elements.

Some people have a tradition in the month of November, to express gratitude. I am grateful for the child at communion who claims as matter-of-fact the love that surrounds them. I am inspired by the people in our community and my church who work so hard for equality and justice. My life is so much better for having the chance to be authentically myself, and I pray that all may experience that freedom. I am thankful for good friends and laughter, my roommate’s sassy kitty, and trapeze classes!

I will try to adjust my holiday attitude from being a bah humbug-turkey. Looking around, I realize I do belong here, with you, in our wonderfully diverse and beautiful LGBTQ and ally family. This new reality is much bigger and better than I could have imagined as a child. I still want my own house with the big table for gatherings.

But I do have a place at the dinner table, at the communion table, and alongside all of you on this journey. For this, I am grateful.

And even as we celebrate, we need to look around to see who has been left out or turned away, and make sure there is room at the table for them too. There is a place here for all of us. Happy Thanksgiving!

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PERS{ECTOVES GLAPN

LOCAL ACTIVISTS WIN LIGHT A FIRE AWARDS

By George T. Nicola, GLAPN

Each year, Portland Monthly magazine presents its Light a Fire Awards which it describes as their “annual celebration of good deeds” and “annual showcase of local individuals and organizations making Portland a better place to live, love, give, and grow.”

This year, three of the twelve recipients are people who

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have made substantial contributions to Portland’s LGBTQ community.

Jean DeMaster received the Lifetime Achievement award. She was a co-founder of the Outside In Counseling Center. For eleven years, she directed Transition Project. Jean’s Place, a shelter for homeless women, was named for her. In the thirteen years before her retirement, Jean headed the very effective Human Solutions. Under Jean as Executive Director, Human Solutions built hundreds of units of low-income housing. They have also helped with eviction prevention for families on the brink of homelessness, utility assistance, and employment training programs.

Jean was an early lesbian activist, having started in 1970 with the Portland Gay Liberation Front, the parent of Oregon’s current LGBTQ movement. She helped establish the Women’s Resources Center, the Women’s Resource Fund, and the Oregon Feminist Federal Credit Union. In 1972, she was involved with the Gay Women’s Caucus. That same year, she joined a group that demonstrated to have homosexuality removed from the American Psychiatric Association’s list of mental disorders.

Giovanni Blair McKenzie (pronouns: Giovanni, they) is this year’s Light a Fire awardee for Emerging Leader.

Giovanni has worked to help others cope with challenges similar to theirs as a young, black, LGBTQ immigrant.

“The barriers in front of young people like myself are just

so complex,” says Giovanni. “I want to see a city and world where queer and trans youth of color can truly thrive.”

At the age of 19, they founded the non-profit Queer Intersections Force to aide other LGBTQ youth at the intersections of marginalization. A year later, Giovanni launched Queer Intersections Portland.

In response to Giovanni’s articulate advocacy, the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) appointed them as a National Youth Ambassador (the only ambassador appointed in the Pacific Northwest). In this role, Giovanni delivered a compelling speech at the 2015 HRC Foundation’s Time to THRIVE Conference in February 2015.

A video and transcript of the presentation is featured in the Southern Poverty Law Center’s Teaching Tolerance program for educators.

Anita Yap, a committed straight ally, is Extraordinary Board Member.

As a board member of the Asian Pacific American Network of Oregon (APANO), she encouraged the organization to take charge of the Jade District. In the process, she guided the Jade concept toward “building prosperity for the diverse community that’s there, not about displacement.”

Once the relationship between APANO and Jade District was established, Anita helped guide it.

The Jade, Anita says, is “not ‘the new Chinatown.’ It’s what the future looks like.”

Anita is the very supportive mother of two LGBTQ daughters. She has also provided considerable assistant to local LGBTQ activists.

Details on all the awards can be found at http://www. pdxmonthly.com/features/2015/10/21/introducing-our2015-light-a-fire-winners.

NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015 • 19

SPORTS NIGHTLIFE

ROSE CITY ROLLERS 2015 WORLD CHAMPIONS Rose City Wheels of Justice dedicate win to their late coach Robin “Rob Lobster” Ludwig

FEATURES

By Matt Pizzuti, PQ Monthly

It was a storybook finish in Minneapolis Nov. 9: Portland’s women’s roller derby team, the Rose City Wheels of Justice, dethroned the 5-time world champion Gotham Girls All-Stars of New York (GGAS NY 2014 team highlights: www.youtu.be/FPeZzM92rrY), who had been undefeated for five years.

Rose City took home the World Women’s Flat Track Derby Association Championship trophy for the first time To make it to the 2015 championship, New York, and Portland beat out some 260-plus other teams in the massive international roller derby league with teams coming from as far away as London and Sydney. The final match was a rematch of last year’s contest between the reigning Gotham Girls and Rose City (the 2014 game www.youtu.be/zhUi13dU_88). Portland’s team especially determined to win the Hydra Trophy this year after team coach Robin “Rob Lobster” Ludwig passed away from a rare, aggressive brain cancer just three weeks before the match.

“The fact that we lost him 2-3 weeks before champs was a major deal to distract us,” said team member Hillary Buscovick (Derby name “Scald Eagle” who was on the PQ Monthly’s cover on our March 2013 Edition www. pqmonthly.com/march-2013-issue/13815).

“We had a short time to process that and then came back with a trophy to honor him, which I’m really proud to say we did.” www.pqmonthly.com/rose-city-rollers-lifestyles-of-the-brutal-and-bodacious/13220 The object of a roller derby match is for each team to help their designated point-scoring player, called a jammer, lap opposing players on a skating rink while the other skaters either block the opposing team’s jammer or try to ensure a clear path for their own. Each time the jammer laps an opposing player is worth one point.

The 1-hour match is broken into two-min-

ute intervals called jams, with 30-second breaks between them. Typical game scores can vary dramatically ranging from less than 30 points to well over 200.

The Nov. 9 championship game turned out to be a nail-biter: “There were 11 lead changes; neither one of us had tight control of the game at any point,” Buscovick said.

“Gotham pulled farther ahead a few times.”

In fact, the Gotham Girls had extended a 24-point lead during the last 7 minutes of the game, and with 1:20 left on the clock the New York team was still leading 183 to 178. But five seconds later, Buskovick had broken through a pack of blockers and the teams were tied at 183. In the end, Portland’s Wheels of Justice eked out the win with a score of 206 to 195.

“I have to thank my teammates for being awesome teammates. We really banded together to do what needed to be done to come back victorious,” Buskovic said. “Our fans and league mates were super supportive.”

The Wheels of Justice is the top tier of Portland’s all-welcoming women’s roller derby league, the Rose City Rollers, which has more than 500 members and makes room for even the greenest of roller derby beginners. New players can play in the lower league and compete in tryouts to graduate through various, increasingly-competitive levels to reach the tiers that play against national and international opponents.

The 2015 tournament, which aired on ESPN3, can still be viewed on espn.go.com/ espn360 under “replay.” Search for WFTDA International Championships to find the video, which contains over 7 hours of footage from the roller derby championship series. The New York/Portland championship game begins 6 hours, 10 minutes into the clip.

Be sure to check out the history of Rose City Roller history: www.youtu.be/ YUfSCpsaNag

Find us on Facebook: facebook.com/pqmonthly 20 • NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015

pqmonthly.com

CALENDAR COMMUNITY

CELEBRATION AND REFLECTION

By Shaley Howard, PQ Monthly

The holidays are a time for celebration and reflection. I grew up in a somewhat larger family with four sisters, two sets of parents and loads of aunts, uncles, and grandparents. In our family, the holidays were full of traditions – festive dinners, the Nutcracker, Christmas tree rituals, presents, the obligatory Christmas Eve church service and the reading of “The Night before Christmas” on Christmas Eve before bedtime. Despite our typical family dysfunction that I’ve come to believe is actually quite the norm nowadays in our culture; the holidays still bring fond memories of laughter and love. No matter what family drama happened throughout the year, we always managed to gather over the holidays and celebrate being together.

A few years ago both my father and mother passed away. It’s always challenging to try and explain the suffering and loneliness that occurs when a parent dies. I can definitely say from my own experience initially it’s like a piercing of your heart and soul that creates intense seemingly never-ending pain. Eventually over the years, however, it morphs into a dull, melancholy heartache that

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ebbs and flows in intensity based on anniversaries and other yearly reminders of their absence. Honestly the first couple Thanksgivings and Christmases without them I just wanted it all to be over. Being someone who traditionally loves the holiday season, wanting it all to just end added to the depressing nature of it all.

But time is an amazing healer. Yes the holidays for me are now bitter-sweet.

Yes despite whatever joy I’m experiencing there does seem to always be this shadow of sadness, a longing to share touching or humorous holiday moments with them. But on the other hand, the joyful holiday memories my parents created throughout my childhood live on. I still get giddy when heading out to cut down the Christmas tree and love gathering with family and friends, singing Christmas carols and walking down Peacock Lane with friends and loved ones sipping hot cocoa – all sorts of wonderful holiday moments that continue.

There is also a bigger sense of appreciation that only comes out of such great loss. I savor the moments with friends and family more now and try to not take them for granted, especially around the holidays. I know full well how precious life is. At some point things will change – it’s just the natural way of the world. I could resist and fight it –

as I often have in the past to no avail – or use it as a beacon for the living in the now. So it’s brought forth a fantastic sense of living in the moment, being more at ease with the changes life brings and taking in every second I am able to have with loved ones.

No matter what a person’s religious or spiritual beliefs, the holidays are a time we embrace those we love. It’s a time to celebrate all we have and reach out to those in need. Holidays bring out the best in us – our kindness, compassion and generosity – and remind us how interconnected we all are to one another and our planet. In the time of year when our days are shorter and darker, the holidays give us hope and remind us that there is always goodness in each of us and always light if you look for it.

One of my holiday staples each year is watching It’s a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Story and The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. Each one of these classics carries the message of hope, love and what to me is ultimately the most important part of holiday celebration – embracing friends and loved ones still in our lives and remembering those we’ve lost. The final words from The Grinch Who Stole Christmas sums up nicely how I feel.

“Welcome, Christmas, bring your cheer.

Cheer to all Whos far and near.

Christmas Day is in our grasp So long as we have hands to clasp.

Christmas Day will always be Just as long as we have we.

Welcome Christmas, while we stand Heart to heart, and hand in hand.” Dr. ‘Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!’ 1966

NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015 • 21

NIGHTLIFE NATIONAL

AGING TRANS PEOPLE LOCKED OUT OF U.S. HEALTH CARE SYSTEM

By Liana Aghajanian, Newsweek/New America Media

Even a confidential paper trail of his past seemed too frightening to face. Vanderburgh eventually referred him In the rural Pacific Northwest, 50 miles from the nearest to a physician and began to visit him regularly, making city lives a man who does not want to be found. He came the 160-mile round trip from Portland, Ore., with his wife, of age during the 1950s, when saying you felt as if you were bringing groceries and providing a rare hour of social interaction here and there. trapped in a body that you didn’t belong The man—whose identity in—you were assigned female at birth, Vanderburgh hasn’t revealed to but you identified as a boy, say—would anyone—is part of a lost generabe met with at best dismay and confution within the transgender popsion, and at worst brutal abuse. ulation, even in a new age of visAt 14, with no support system in sight, ibility, where Caitlyn Jenner is he attempted suicide, depressed at the largely praised and Amazon Stuphysical changes taking place in his dios’ Transparent, a dramatic Web adolescent female body. At 19, he began series about a father and retired taking testosterone, starting the transicollege professor coming out as tion into the person he knew he really was. His family told friends “she” had dis- PHOTO: MICHELLE EVANS TRANSITIONED IN HER 50S. AFTER SURGERY, MOST NURSING HOMES WOULDN’T TAKE transgender, wins awards.

HER, AND THE ONE THAT DID DEMANDED SHE BE TREATED AS A MAN. (DAVID WALTER BANKS/NEWSWEEK.) They are the ones who transiappeared and then introduced him as a tioned in the 1950s, ’60s, and early ’70s—from around male cousin who had moved to the area.

He married, became a stepfather and went off to live his the time the first plastic Coke bottles appeared in stores life as a man. He never told anyone about his past. Now in through John F. Kennedy’s presidency and the Watergate his 70s, he remains deeply closeted (even members of his scandal, and long before the advance of sexual-reassignown family aren’t aware of his transition) and deeply iso- ment surgical techniques.

This was before transgender was even a word in the lated (his wife passed away).

American lexicon; they never called themselves trans or dared associate with those who did. They made up backA Lost Generation stories about their lives, moved away and acquired new Reid Vanderburgh received a call seven years ago from jobs. Researchers call it “going stealth.” Now they remain the man, who asked Vanderburgh—a 60-year-old retired cut off from the LGBT community: They cannot be found therapist and writer who is trans and has worked with at community meetings or pride parades, and they don’t close to 500 people on their gender transitions—to help show up in surveys or research studies. find him a doctor who wouldn’t record his transition in Christine Jorgensen and the 1950’s his medical notes.

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Evidence of sex change operations can be found as early as the 1920s in Europe, but it wasn’t until the 1950s that they were known in the U.S. In 1952, an Army veteran from the Bronx named Christine Jorgensen became the first widely known trans woman in the U.S. Born George Jorgensen, Christine underwent surgery in Denmark and made headlines the minute she stepped off a plane when she returned (“Ex-GI Becomes Blonde Beauty,” New York’s Daily News said on its front page in 1952). Soon gender identity clinics opened in the U.S. at universities on both coasts, offering evaluations, hormone therapy, and sex-reassignment surgery operations.

But discrimination against transgender people remained rampant. Even the doctors who performed sex-reassignment surgeries presented it as a treatment to get you from one gender to the next (mostly male to female).

After the surgery, you were expected to disappear into your new body, if you wanted to live a happy and productive life. Socializing with other transgender individuals or even discussing the transition was discouraged. Instead, blending into society was emphasized. So thousands who underwent procedures back then ended up going “stealth” for most of their lives.

Those who attempted to live more openly were often pummeled. Marc, a clinical psychologist who works in the Los Angeles area, transitioned in 1979 at the age of 20. (He asked that his real name not be used to protect his identity.)

A Horrific Event A few years later, Marc started to come out in the comfort of a community led by two trans activists, Jude Patton, U.S. HEALTHCARE SYSTEM page 23

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ARTS & CULTURE

U.S. HEALTHCARE SYSTEM Continued from page 22

and Sister Mary Elizabeth Clark, who were based in Orange County, Calif.

They formed support groups and also threw pool parties and barbecues with a wide array of gender-nonconforming people at every stage in their transitions. But then a horrific event convinced Marc it would be better to disappear.

In 1986, his best friend, a trans man, was shot while he showered by the disgruntled ex-husband of his girlfriend.

The killer testified at his trial that “a person that appeared to be a man with no penis or testicles scream[ed] at me, telling me to get the fuck out of his house, threatening me, and I had a shotgun in my hand.”

Traumatized, Marc retreated and went stealth for over a decade. It wasn’t until the late ’90s that he remerged and noticed that he had somehow become the oldest trans person people knew—and that there was no one talking about the health problems faced by senior transgender people.

For the past few years, he has been educating LGBT care providers on the subject, covering awareness of special needs and the heightened risk of abuse and neglect this population faces in settings like assisted living facilities.

“Trans people don’t have families of origin. They don’t have spouses, family or children,” he says. “If you don’t have those people advocating for you, you’re far more likely to be abused in a living facility or nursing home.”

Her Worst Fears Came True For this highly marginalized group, the idea of going into an assisted living facility is a nightmare. Michelle Evans’s worst fears about care facilities came true just after she transitioned.

Evans, a 59-year-old trans woman from Orange County,

SOLD

Calif., knew from a young age that her body and mind were FEATURE at odds, although it took her nearly a lifetime—over 50 years—to fully transition. About a year after she did, she broke both legs in an accident and was forced to stay in a nursing home after surgery. Except that no nursing home would take her, she says.

When she finally found one that would, it insisted on putting her in the men’s ward. Evans protested and eventually ended up with a room of her own, but she says the doctor in charge told her that identifying as a female was “wrong.”

The doctor eventually stopped Evans’ hormone treatments and even, in a fit of pique, took her off blood thinners—medication she needed after her surgery. Soon Evans developed dangerous blood clots in her legs. A friend finally intervened and took her back to the hospital, where she was told she had only 24 hours to live—the clots had made it to her lungs.

She survived, but the experience left her traumatized.

“It’s changed the way I view doctors. I don’t view [care facilities] as a safe place anymore, but a place where I’m cut off from people and that they can do whatever they want.” (She also ended up suing the doctor for malpractice; a settlement was reached in Evans’s favor.)

Study: No Confidence in Care System In 2013, Tarynn Witten, a professor at the Center for the Study of Biological Complexity at Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU), led a survey investigating chronic illnesses and end-of-life matters in trans-identifying baby boomers.

Thirty-nine percent responded that they had no or little confidence in being treated with dignity and respect as a trans person by health care professionals at the end of their life.

“I do not want to rely on strangers in the medical field that have little to no experience helping people with bodies like mine,” one survey respondent wrote.

Gabriela Kandziora

“The day that I need a caregiver, I will implement my end-of-life suicide plan,” another declared.

“This is a group of people who are very suspicious because they’ve been abused, and one of the main abusers is the health care system,” says Witten, who transitioned in the 1990s. “Violence and abuse is a kind of radiation background of our lives.”

It also has a severe health trickle-down impact: By avoiding health care professionals, these people put themselves at higher risk of dying from normally treatable conditions like high blood pressure and diabetes.

In fact, studies have confirmed that transgender older adults suffer far higher levels of depression, disability, and loneliness than nontransgender older adults. Seventy-one percent of transgender older adults have contemplated taking their own lives, compared with just 3.7 percent of the general U.S. population.

Advocacy groups and researchers are increasingly aware of the unique challenges faced by a transgender aging population. For example, Services and Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Elders, or SAGE, the country’s only national LGBT organization concentrated on Aging, published a report in 2012 on improving the lives of transgender older adults. Witten has also introduced a course on transgender medicine at VCU, which will begin this coming semester.

Coping With Sigma, Discrimination But the patients will also need to become better health advocates. Walter Bockting, co-director of the LGBT Health Initiative and a professor of medical psychology at Columbia University, says that success in later life for trans people can partially depend on increased interaction with members of their unique community.

“The people who have more support and are connected AGING TRANS PEOPLE page 25

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AGING TRANS PEOPLE Continued from page 23

to other transgender people do better,” he says. “They are better able to cope with the stigma and discrimination that is out there.”

Evans, who has mostly recovered from her ordeal (though there’s permanent damage to her leg), is attempting to help facilitate these crucial connections. On every third Friday of the month, she leads a group called TG Rainbow, which meets in the Church of the Foothills in Santa Ana, one of the biggest cities in Orange County.

Having come from all over the region, members sit on mismatched couches, sharing homemade cookies and stories of their past and current lives.

The meetings include transgender people at all stages in their lives: the man who grew up in the Midwest knowing he was different for 58 years and finally transitioning at 70; the person who identifies as a woman inside, but doesn’t feel comfortable

dressing as one, except at these meetings; the 20-something college student, who is there with his mother and says he has finally made an appointment with an endocrinologist to begin the process.

“The only thing you need to transition to, is yourself,” Evans says. They all nod in agreement.

Almost 1,000 miles away, Vanderburgh prepares for a weekend visit to the stealth trans man, the one he’s taken groceries to for close to a decade.

Vanderburgh desperately wants to reach more trans people like him. He’s contemplating putting an ad in AARP’s magazine.

But for now, as he makes the drive to visit his friend, something simpler and more immediate is on his mind: What if he arrives at the front steps with groceries in hand and the knock at the front door goes unanswered?

Liana Aghajanian wrote this article through a journalism fellowship awarded

by New America Media, the Gerontological Society of America and supported by the Silver Century Foundation.

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NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015 • 25

GLAPN

26 • NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015

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GLAPN

VOICES

PORTLAND ACTIVIST WINS GLOBAL RECOGNITION

TREVOR L. CHANDLER

By George T. Nicola, GLAPN

Openly gay Portlander Trevor L. Chandler was chosen as one of the Top 50 Diversity Figures in Public Life in the Global Diversity List published by The Economist.

The Public Life category “recognises the achievements of individuals who have used their position in public life, for example as a campaigner, politician or journalist to make an impact in diversity.”

The article states that “Chandler is Associate Regional Field Director at Human

Rights Campaign [HRC], which allows him to further the cause of LGBT rights and acceptance by working with supporters, allies and partners on strategy across the Western US. He trains activists on effective messaging, crafting plans and contacting legislators, as well as organising lobby days and rallies to boost awareness of the struggle for equality.”

The other 49 people on this list include Barrack Obama, Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, Prince Henry of Wales, Caitlyn Jenner, Angelina Jolie, Queen Noor of Jordan, Jesse Jackson, Bill Gates, and the 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet. The entire list can be found at http://www.globaldiversitylist.com/top-50diversity-figures-in-public-life.html.

Trevor was born and raised in New Hampshire. He came to Oregon temporarily a few years ago when HRC assigned him to work with Oregon United for Marriage.

He decided to move here permanently and travels to HRC assignments around the country as needed.

The Economist is a weekly newspaper edited in offices in London. It has been in continuous publication since 1843. This was the first year it published the Global Diversity List.

PFLAG PORTLAND WINS NATIONAL AWARD This year, the PFLAG Portland family of chapters shared the support award with PFLAG Columbia-Howard (Maryland) for its leadership in developing its network of community-responsive chapters to better serve the diverse Portland Metro area. The award announcement states: A f te r re f le cting o n the diverse and complex needs of their community, PFLAG Portland developed PFLAG PORTLAND IN PORTLAND’S 2014 PRIDE PARADE a family of chapters in the Portland metro region.

By George T. Nicola, GLAPN This includes the PFLAG Portland Black PFLAG Portland Oregon originated in Chapter, which serves the African-Ameri1976 as Parents of Gays (POG). In 1983, it can community and PFLAG Portland East joined a coalition of national groups to County which serves more conservative become PFLAG, which originally stood for areas in Multnomah County. Each group Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. works independently to meet the specific Today, it is fully inclusive, with about half needs of the families that come to them its members LGBTQ, and the other half for support and they also work together to creating real and lasting culture change in straight cisgender allies.

In the past few years, the organiza- Portland area schools, religious institutions, tion has become a family of three chap- governmental organizations, and more.

PFLAG Portland President Dawn Holt ter: PFLAG Portland, PFLAG Portland Black Chapter, and PFLAG East County. Every year notes, “We don’t do this work for the recogthe PFLAG National Network honors excep- nition, but it’s nice to be one of the 4 most tional chapters in three categories: Support, innovative chapters in the 350+ chapter PFLAG National Network.”

Education, and Advocacy. pqmonthly.com

NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015 • 27

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