PQ Monthly May/June 2016 Edition

PORTLAND

Our Godparents

INSIDE: Astoria’s Inaugural Gay Pride • Dirty River • PFLAG Portland • Embody & Much More!

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PHOTO BY: ERIC SELLERS

Darcelle XV & Roxy Leroy

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Key Bank Presents: The Official Pride Kick-off Pride Party!

LET’S CELEBRATE THE PRIDE THAT BEGINS WITH YOU!

Brought to you by

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-A BENEFIT FOR PRIDE NWofficialpridekickoff.eventbrite.com

JUNE 9TH

My Bartender 2305 SE 9th Ave, Portland, OR 97214 - 8PM - MIDNIGHT!

Pride begins with you, and we will be kicking off Pride Season with Sir Cupcake’s Queer Circus who will evoke the elements for us. Additionally, Jack StockLynn of Sir Cup Cake will serve as our Ring Master while we showcase performances by: Bomb Ass Pussy • Turnback Boyz • CJ Mickens and the Band • Teresa Topaz and The Strike, plus VJ’s, and a no-host bar and food carts from all over Portland!

The doors open at 8 pm to midnight; tickets are $10.00 in advance and $15.00 at the door.

This event is 21 and older must have a valid id.

Bomb Ass Pussy bombasspussy.net

Sir Cupcake’s Queer Circus sircupcake.com

Teresa Topaz www.teresatopaz.com/video

CJ Mickens & the Band soundcloud.com/cjmickens

The Shrike

reverbnation.com/theshrike

Turnback Boys pantsoffpdx.com/turnbackboyz

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The Key Bank Pride Kick-off Party brought to you by PQ Monthly, a benefit for Pride NW is a collaboration between PQ Monthly and Pride Northwest a 501-c-3 non-profit who is committed to LGBTQ safety, visibility, and community celebration of the NW. The kick-off event is scheduled on June 9, 2016, at My Bartender located at 2305 SE 9th Ave, Portland, OR 97214.

MAY/JUNE 2016 • 3

FEATURE

ASTORIA’S INAUGURAL GAY PRIDE

By Marco Davis for PQ Monthly

Pride means many things to many people. Pride in one’s appearance, pride in one’s integrity, pride in one’s family, community and/or job. Pride gives one that sense that all is right in the world, and one can step out and forward with one’s head held high; knowing that one is walking one’s own truth. Pride knows no bounds or age, pride can show up at any given moment and sometimes be taken away by the dark cloud of those that wish to keep us down. It is, at those times, that it is essential to stand as a community to strengthen our pride when standing alone is not enough.

It is with this spirit that we, the Lower Columbia Q Center (LCQC) in Astoria, Oregon; oldest settlement west of the Mississippi River, approach our Inaugural Gay Pride Celebration June 9-11, 2016. Several of our community’s voices have stood together and worked as a team to bring our Pride out and proud!! Thinking not only of our voices, but the voices of others in our community that may want to participate, but don’t necessarily know how.

PQ TEAM Melanie Davis

Owner/Publisher melanie@pqmonthly.com

I recall my first Pride experience in Manhattan, 1994. I was terrified. I had images of what I always had (by always, I meant since 1991, when I had my first taste of gay) heard happened at Pride celebrations. In my conservative Catholic mind, I saw free love and bright swirling colors and life and laughter with abandon, and it scared me to death, maybe even a foot further back in the closet. Could I stand with my people and be seen in my glory? Can I own who I am? The reality was that I was too crippled by my fear to participate, so I stood in the crowd, on the side of 5th Ave, as the proud bright and glowing people walked by with heads high and hearts open as their hands waved and held onto the Pr ide Flag that stretched blocks long. My heart yearning to step out and grab on and march with the same pride glow; my fear yelling “NO NO NO NO NO!!!!” at the back of my head, my heart reaching, my mind retreating.

Many years later, while at school at the University of Oregon, I went to the Pride gathering at Alton Baker Park, and while a bit more a part of this community, I still found myself lurking in the shadows, not feeling strong enough to

love the gay part of myself. Why? Why is it that conditioning can keep one from embracing and owning one’s own truth?

Why do we believe we are not worth the joy, the celebration?

Since moving home, to Astoria, in 2008, I have begun to own the depth and height of who I am and how I move through the world. I recognize that I take space, and when I allow myself to be whole, I shine and vibrate and float along the road. Every time I walk out of the door and into town, I remind myself to be true, to walk with my honesty and not shrink away no matter how uncomfortable I may get; because I am a native Astorian, I do belong here.

I walk to work, which is on the east end of town, so I have my own pride parade every day. And I, generally, love it. I say usually because for as many honks and waves and hugs I get, I get the same in glares, middle fingers, slow drive by’s and loogies. They are less than in years past, but they are still there. More often than not, they are from out of town visitors throwing their fears and conservative beliefs at me, not realizing that I don’t care what they think of me.

One of my faults, drawbacks, strengths that get in the way of personal growth, the way I was conditioned is that I do care what people think. I do not like to offend people, and my presence offends many. I can empty a hot tub just by walking up to it, I’ve tested my theory on many occasions. I have had people cross the street so they don’t have to walk by me; people have left the Columbian Cafe, where I was a cook for a very long time because they didn’t want to catch gay from eating my food. I’ve had people I’ve known my whole life does not want to serve me when I walk into their businesses or refuse to make eye contact because they don’t want their people to know that they know me.

ASTORIA’S INAGURAL GAY PRIDE | Story continues on page 9

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FEATURE

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NEWS GLAPN FEATURE

FEATURE VOICES

ASTORIA’S INAGURAL GAY PRIDE Continued from page 4

This past year, I have checked people on their actions with me, and have had to cut a few folks free, which hurts my heart, but I am not going to force someone to be my friend or like me; dealt with that too much as a fat kid. I have always been the last picked, or wouldn’t be picked if that was an option; so I found my own group to play with, and we are a team and we work together to build each other up and accept one another no matter how different or odd we may be.

Living in a small town, it becomes necessary to recognize that we are not all the same and even if someone is different than how we picture our group in the world to be. We embrace them, each other because we are brave enough to live our truth out loud and in the public eye without shame or lowered head. It is with that pride that we have worked so steadfastly at bringing Astoria, the beauty of our Pride.

OUR PRIDE CELEBRATION IS GOING TO LOOK A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS: Thursday, June 9 at KALA, 8 PM: The Madness of Lady Bright, a one act reader’s theater piece 10 PM: Big Fat Gay Movie Night at the Columbian Theater Friday, June 10: If you are coming for the weekend and will be around during the day, there are many hikes and trails and beaches and rivers and streams to admire, shops to shop, food to eat and places to see.

7 PM Doors open for the Gala at the Historic Astoria Armory, home of the LCQC. Join us for drinks and appetizers. There will be 2 AIDS Memorial Quilts on Display.

8 PM show starts with local singers and drags performers from our own Dragalution, guest artists from Portland, Shitney Houston, Annie Depressant and Annya Allnight; the Q Center Qchoir will sing a few songs for us and Seven Cake Candy will be playing a show for us at the end pqmonthly.com

getting us all up and dancing the night away.

Saturday, June 11: 2 PM Waterfront foot and bike parade starting under the big bridge at the foot of Bay Street heading east to 11th street. The grandstand will be at Buoy Beer Co. and Emceed by the fabulous Poison Waters and Dida DeAngelis. Rally at 11th street and an afternoon to explore and celebrate.

6 PM Rainbow crawl for the 2nd Saturday Art Walk, be sure to hit up KALA for a Queer Art Show curated by Mark Woolley.

6 PM at AAMC Hip Hop dance workshop, all ages, and levels taught by Nathan Boozer of Work Dance Company from Eugene.

9 PM Pride Jubilation Dance Party with DJ Ali Aht at AAMC, all ages and free!

9PMish Lesbian DJ Dance Party at Kala There are also many other events happening around town that local businesses that support our community are going to do to help to add the celebration and joy!

I think one of my favorite things about Astoria’s Inaugural Pride is that we will have rainbow flags hung through downtown and business are joining in and showing their support by decorating and celebrating with us. We actually do live in the most magical little town!!!!

We will have our Pride Headquarters at the Annex at the Columbian Cafe, open on the weekend starting in May, answer any questions, sell you an Astoria Pride t-shirt, share in conversation and give tips on what is fun to do in town and the area. Check us out on our website, which is still being built but up so we can share Pride information, at www.lcqcatoria.org or like our Astoria Pride Facebook page. We are so excited to share our pride with you and to accept your love and support along the way. We are all one! We are family, each and every one of us! Astoria Pride lives on and out!

Hugs from the Coast Marco Davis

The Official Pride Kick-off Pride Party!

Next June 9th at:

JOIN US! 8PM - Midnight • June 9th, 2016, 5P.M.-7 P.M. : MyBartender ( 2305 SE 9th Ave. Portland, OR )

MAY/JUNE 2016 • 9

NEWS VOICES

MOTHER’S LOVE THE ULTIMATE INTIMACY

By Suzanne Deakins, GLAPN

Many years ago I was very focused on the roles of the binary genders. A marriage that was failing and loving my neighbor (a woman) was driving me to divide my mind. I kept feeling if I could understand what a woman was I would be happy.

It would take another 8 years before I began to understand and accept my individual nature. Lord knows I fought it. As I accepted myself and my androgyny, an amazing thing happened. I fell in love for the first time with an adult.

The birth of my first child had taught me about love and the eternal flame in us all, but this was an adult love. I was filled with joy, sexual expression, and acceptance. I became attached to her in a way I never knew was possible. I felt her when we were apart, and knew her every mood. She, in turn, did the same with me. We melded in a way poets talk about. To me, she was every woman, every being that had ever existed. Out of our love an intimate friendship grew.

We developed a deep caring for each other and the world of others. I learned to be a true mother.

In many ways, I gave up all sense of gender and became something different. The many roles we accept as beings no longer existed in my life. My mind twirled as a Sufi dancing, in doing so shed all the old concepts of what I needed to be for what I was. I was eternal in my expression of my art of existence. And to me, this is the true lesson of motherhood.

It does not take a womb to experience being a mother. Motherhood is about the infinite ability to accept our existence. There are no black or white states of being only life unfolding as one. Motherhood is about advocating for all life. It is about helping to birth the beauty and love we all carry. When you are a mother, you bring to life all that is. Your love of humanity is not judgmental, nor is it limited by gender or roles you might accept.

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A mother has no gender, no role other than an intimate connection to all life.

To be intimate with another, be it a friend, lover, or child we must know who we are. It begins with the knowledge of self and understanding our consciousness, the experiences we have had and how they influence our life. To accept a hug, or a touch we must let go of our fear of our self and being known. The duplicity we live with all the time is; wanting to be known is a spiritual way (not religious) and our fear we will not be worthy or accepted as we are.

The story of Adam and Eve’s is the archetype about this kind of fear and shame. They hide from God their deeds and nakedness. And of course, because they hide they are thrown out of the Garden of Eden. You do not have to be religious or believe in a God to understand what this means. As young babes we are taught that there is good and bad and when we transgress we become fearful. We feel our souls, innermost being is not good and react in fear cutting our self off from the Garden or that sense of love and intimacy.

We are all mothers in the sense that we have an opportunity to give to each other the love and sense of security we need. It is simple, an acceptance of each other as good and loving beings. We exist at this moment not by accident, but by a greater sense of finding one another.

Celebrate the mother you carry within. The ability to nurture, care, and be intimate with all life. We are a great gathering of loving and carrying people who are together in the twilight waiting for the stars to shine.

Please Note: The Asian version of compassion and caring is Kaun Yin. Starting as a male figure, it now embodies the sacred female yet displays the male many time to represent the androgynous nature or the gender-free representation of love and nurture.

This is the Yin and Yang.

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FEATURES FEATURE

DIRTY RIVER, A QUEER FEMME OF COLOR DREAMING HER WAY HOME

By Sossity Chiricuzio

This memoir by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, a Lambda Literary Award finalist, is Nova Star dense and delta soil rich. Full of beauty, sorrow, complicated intimacies, and bone jarring revelations, it took longer to read than any book in my life. I found myself lingering over paragraphs, going over the same chapter multiple times and taking breaks to cry and rock and laugh and breathe; searching backward for similar landmarks, stepping into the changing river, again and again, learning more every time.

PQ: The inclusion of mix tapes, recipes, and resources that you folded into the story is so strong, and gives a depth and flavor even for a reader unfamiliar with the taste of Dahl or borage or poverty. Did you have that idea going in, or did it come to you as part of the writing process?

Leah: I’m writing this at my desk, facing a framed Audre Lorde quote that I was gifted by some amazing badass queer of color organizers at Portland State, that reads: “I am my best work, a series of road maps, reports, recipes, doodles and prayers from the front lines.” Audre nailed it. I feel all of that. One of my earliest influences was the book Sassafrass, Cyprus and Indigo, Ntozake Shange’s earliest novel, which is a magical Black feminist work about three sisters growing up in South Carolina, where the youngest daughter is a witch, and all the sisters are artists. It has Indigo’s spells for healing and protection, Cypress’ dance routines, Sassafrass’ fabric art patterns and recipes and remedies. It’s Black feminist witchcraft writing brilliance entranced me as magical brown survivor femme kid weirdo and sunk into my brain as a rising writer. In writing Dirty River, I wanted to tell this complicated motherfucking tale of what heal-

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ing had looked like for me. Which was indeed full of recipes, mix tapes, maps to secret hideouts and shopping lists when you’re chronically ill and having all flashbacks all the time in 1998 and your food budget is $20 a week. The way you tell it is what the story is.

PQ: Despite the default of the industry (centering the ‘normative’ and the sensational,) you were able to publish a radical story which centers people of color, your authentic voice, and broken, loving relationships that didn’t always resolve. How did these elements affect the growth and publication of the book?

Leah: Well, it took ten years for a reason.

I got turned down by virtually every publisher I tried, big and small, despite the fact that I had a pretty thriving career as a writer, an extensive list of publications and performances, and people who were hungry for my work. I got told, literally and to my face, that queer people of color were too small a market that we don’t buy books, and that writing a story that was queer, of color, disabled, and survivor was just too complicated, and

I needed to pick one. It made me really, really angry and still does- for me, and for all of us writers of color who have to fight so fucking hard to get our work published because this is not an isolated incident.

I also didn’t work on the book for a year “Well, femmes are a f t e r M FA S c h o ol , the center of my life, b e c a u s e , w h i l e I and I wanted the learned some helpful book, among other things about plot and things, to just center structure, the pressure a non-binary, disabled was intense to train us femme of color survival to write very simple, standard narratives. It narrative and be all took a while to decolofemme, all the time. No nize my brain from all apologies. I also think that, to put it mildly. In as I read the book, the end, reading and I can map the long reaching to other writhealing of my gender ers of color and/or surand sexuality.” vivor writers who were w riting our mar velous, complicated stories helped me write PHOTO BY HEIDI ANDREA RESTREPO RHODES the book I needed to write. But I needed to go to a hostel with a hot tub that was $25 with my friend Liz. Read Lidia Yuknovitch’s The Chronology of Water and be like, oh yeah, you can write your survivor story and have it be about Kathy Acker spanking your pussy and queer sex in motels and using and physically fighting your dad to get out of the house DREAMING HER WAY HOME | Story continues on page 15

MAY/JUNE 2016 • 13

FEATURE

OUR GODPARENTS Darcelle XV & Roxy Leroy

By Summer Seasons, PQ Monthly

Over the last ten years, it has my privilege to work at the Portland Institution called Darcelle XV Showplace.

Throughout the years, they’ve become like family to me.

Darcelle and Roxy sat down with me to discuss the lives they’ve lived, the community they love and what they hope for from the future.

Summer: How did you both get involved in the Portland LGBT community?

Roxy: I came from Los Vegas to be in Hoyt Hotel show, when I was jumping around on the stage there, Darcelle (DXV) came to see the show several times. DXV came to me and said “I own a tavern, would you like to go out with me?” and the rest is history.

DXV: You could have only beer and wine and no entertainment at the Tavern. Roxy and I became more of a regular thing. When we decided to do our first show, our first audience was all lesbian ladies, the crowd was always rowdy, but always ladies. I learned how to handle people by adapting to the fights of the lesbians.

We started the show because the law changed, they said we could have entertainment but no dancing. It was the rules of the tavern. We only did the show for the people that were already here. On weekends, some of the gay men would venture across Burnside. Tina Sandel was working in drag at the Magic Garden, I said Tina and Roxy “let’s do something,” Roxy, and I went and bought a home stereo from a stereo store. We had them plug the sound system together and load it in the car that way as I had no idea how

to work that kind of equipment. Our spotlight was a slide projector and was on top of a popcorn machine, and we performed on top of a 4X8 table. We had a cabinet behind the drape with a turntable there where you put a 78 vinyl on. If you danced to much, the music skipped. I was an actor so I had to learn my craft of being a host on stage.”

Summer: At what point did you realize that the community had adopted you into it?

DXV: We were a part of it because people came to us, But in 1971 when I ran for Empress of the Imperial Sovereign Rose Court for the first time people noticed us and I then ran again in 72 to Empress in 73. We also had guests come in for our regular show. The biggest thing was stepping forward to become Empress. When we went into a place on the tour, people paid attention, because we didn’t give them a reason not to.

Roxy: There was a time when people thought this place was dangerous. So we invited them in. Before we started the

show we went to other locations. Neither one of is quiet, so we met a lot of people.

Summer: What is your driving force behind your community involvement?

DXV: We make a decision, we are who we are, and since we are who we are, we seek out people of the same as who we are or of the same persuasion. I think that by doing that you build yourself, and you build your community. I believe that the gay community is just as many flavors as any community; different people are involved for various reasons.

Many people are involved in the same, but we are all the same in our differences.

Roxy: In the old days you couldn’t be involved, people were afraid that people would find out who they are. Then an article in Willamette week published the opening of the club.

Many of the women started to leave, and Darcelle let the men come in. They charged a cover charge and gave them tickets to PHOTO BY: ERIC SELLERS get a beer and started the show.

Summer: You often were one of the first two people to support many new organizations, what was it about them that made you both decide to get involved?

DXV: The first was MCC, and then came the Bears and the Leathers, we supported them to be inclusive. When our friends started dying of AIDS, we all turned our energy in that direction because it was necessary and needed, because the government wasn’t doing anything, if the government had we’d have a cure by now.

Roxy: When the AIDS epidemic hit, we got into it in the 80’s as so many of our friends were dying and many of DARCELLE XV & ROXY LEROY | Story continues on page 18

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DREAMING HER WAY HOME Continued from page 13

and it doesn’t have to be neat or simple!

I also was blessed because Arsenal Pulp.

One of a very, very small number of presses which have QTPOC editors and publish QTPOC writers, said yes in December 2014.

They were literally the end of the line. I had tried every other fucking publisher and if they said no, I was planning on self-publishing because there was nothing left. Which would’ve been OK, but damn, I would rather not edit, design and distribute the damn thing myself!

The time it took was a mixed blessing. I think I needed the time I needed to figure out how to tell the story I ended up telling.

Some pieces were so hard to write, as the part where my mom cuts all my hair off the last time I go home for Christmas, which I didn’t get to writing them till maybe 2012.

But at the same time, I was like, damn it, I know I’m good, and I know if I were white I would’ve gotten a deal by now! So many people who have rejected over and over again just stop. We need to create sustainable presses that publish writers of color so we’re not always having to argue whitey into submission.

PQ: You describe women and femmes in this books in such lush and loving palates, even during hard moments. The push/pull of femme intimacy is a consistent current and seems to bring both treasure and torment. Can you talk a bit more about your

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relationship with femme/femme and the struggles and rewards of that?

Leah: HAHAHA! Ok, no big deal. (Kidding.) Well, femmes are the center of my life, and I wanted the book, among other things, to just center a non-binary, disabled femme of color survival narrative and be all femme, all the time. No apologies. I also think as I read the book, I can map the long healing of my gender and sexuality. My mom was my abuser; my mom was femme; I am femme; I am a survivor; I was deeply sexual and deeply disassociated as a young person. Coming back to femme, to my own evolving femme genders, to femme communities and cultures, to finally partnering with my current amazing femme of color partner, has been both the most mind-blowing journey, and also was dangerous as hell. As Caitlin Rose said in the “Bitch, I Want to Fuck You” workshop on femme on femme desire at the 2010 Femme Conference, being femme and loving another femme is like looking into a really intense fucking mirror.

That’s the truth. And sometimes, you blow up- but sometimes, you learn a lot about your beauty, your strength, your unyielding scar tissue, and you’re vulnerable.

Read more of this interview next month!

End note: If you have questions or topics you’d like me to cover, products you’d like me to review, people you’d like to hear from, or resources to share, please get in touch! sossity@pqmonthly.com

MAY/JUNE 2016 • 15

FEATURE GET OUT WEDDINGS

1

GET

OUT! Want more? We’ll give you everything. Head over to pqmonthly.com and check out our online calendar of events, submit your own events, and send photos for your event. Also, remember to carefully examine our weekly weekend forecast — with the latest and greatest events — each Wednesday (sometimes Thursday), online only.

--MATT PIZZUTI, CALENDAR EDITOR PQ MONTHLY

2

VOICES STYLE DECONSTRUCTED

SATURDAY, MAY 21

Red Dress Party 2016: The Walking Red. Prepare to celebrate like it’s the zombie apocalypse—or the “Thriller” video. Start thinking of your ensemble now and let your imagination run wild. The only things that are mandatory are a ticket, your 21+ ID and a Red Dress! The event returns to the awesome 2015 location, The Old Freeman Factory in NW Portland.

VIP admission and all the perks from 8 pm to end. General admission from 9 pm to end.

Tickets $55: get them online at reddresspdx.com. 2638 NW Wilson St.

THURSDAY, MAY 26

From Root to Fruit. PFLAG Portland’s Black Chapter celebrates its annual anniversary. A night of celebration with inspiring speakers and powerful performances from Portland’s LGBTQ community. General Admission is $53.74. Email pflagpdx.pbc@gmail.com to inquire about discount tickets. Event starts at 6 p.m. Ambridge Event Center, 1333 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd.

SATURDAY, MAY 28

WEDNESDAY-THURSDAY JUNE 1-2.

Portland Horror Film Festival. Featuring the very best independent horror from all genres of cinematic terror, from the folks behind the Portland H. P. Lovecraft Film Festival and Zompire: The Undead Film Festival.From supernatural horror to dark fantasy and everything in between. Day passes start at $18, weekend passes $30.

Tickets at hollywoodtheatre.org. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd.

SATURDAY, JUNE 4

Portland Lesbian Choir’s 30th Anniversary Concert and Celebration. PLC turns 30 and returns to the same stage where it all began This beautiful, multi-generational group of women can re ally sing, and you are invited to come, bring your friends and enjoy a fab show with loads o great music and PGMC as our special guests The fully accessible venue is a first class event Show at 6 p.m. vance tickets $1 Hall, 1300 SE S

FRIDAY, JUNE 3

Prince Tribute Prince on his bir and sights with a Rain” and more.

Roc, Holla n Oa at Holocene, 10

Lez Do It at Killingsworth Dynasty.

Special guest Riff Raff (SEA resident djs: Chelsea Starr and Mr Charming).

Free. 21+ 8 p.m. at Dynasty, 832 N. Killingsworth.

Return of the Heroes! Auction baskets, booze, flashy costumes and

EVERY SUNDAY

Drag Brunch: Testify at Stag with Alexis Campbell Starr.

From 11 a.m. until 3 p.m. every Sunday, Starr brings you the city’s hottest drag performers, drink specials (5 for $5 mimosas, $5 American Harvest Bloody Marys), and tasty brunch. Be there promptly at 11, children— it’s a sell-out crowd. Stag, 317 NW Broadway.

Superstar Divas. Bolivia Carmichaels, Honey Bea Hart, Topaz Crawford, Isaiah Tillman, and guest stars perform your favorite pop, Broadway, R&B, rock, and country hits.

Dance floor opens after the show. Check out the newest and freshest Diva hits, plus a variety of diverse talent. 8 p.m., CC Slaughters, 219 NW Davis. Free!

DANCE

IT OUT

EVERY MONDAY

Family Home Evening. A weekly, post-work lounge party every Monday night at Vault, featuring DJ Orographic (Bridge Club, Queerlandia) and occasional special guests (Sappho fills in now and then). Jens Irish serves you happy hour all the live long night.

7 p.m.-11 p.m., Vault, 226 NW 12.

EVERY WEDNESDAY

Amateur night at Stag PDX, though they won’t look like amateurs, trust. Hosted by Godiva Devyne, come gawk at the pretty dancers.

And talk some shit with the Devyne Ms. G. 9 p.m., Stag PDX, 317 NW Broadway.

16 • MAY/JUNE 2016

fun! This event raises funds for the AME Scholarship Fund. Doors at 5 p.m., show starts at 6 p.m. $5 suggested donation. Embers Portland, 110 NW Broadway.

EVERY THURSDAY

Hip Hop Heaven. Bolivia Carmichaels hosts this hip-hop-heavy soiree night every Thursday night at CCs. Midnight guest performers and shows. Remember those midnight shows at The City?

Bolivia does! 9 p.m., CC Slaughters, 219 NW Davis. Free.

FIRST SATURDAYS

Hard Yes presents: Yes Please! Yes Please is a monthly queer dance party for the dark, dirty and fabulous who just wanna dance. The party also features guest performers from Portland and beyond plus resident DJ Sappho alongside a rotating lineup of guest DJ’s providing you with a healthy dose of: House, techno, deep disco and hard f*ggotry.

Cover $7. 21+. 9 p.m. at Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St. Sugar Town. DJ Action Slacks.

Keywords: Soul, polyester. Great place to find the ladies, to mingle, to get your groove on. 9 p.m., The Spare Room, 4830 NE 42. $5.

Pop Rocks! 80s music aficionado DJ Matt Consola (Bearracuda) is hosting a very special 80s anthem night at Euphoria Nightclub. The space will be enhanced with an 80s theme featuring dancers, games and an official Dungeons & Dragons Gaming Table, visuals, rad 80s movies, drink specials, a photo booth, coat check and special guest DJs. 10 p.m., Euphoria, 315 SE 3. No cover.

Pants Off Dance Off. Come get bold and bawdy at Crush Bar’s monthly clothing-optional dance event, a bar-as-you-dare safe space to break character without risking your day job (no cell phone photos allowed, folks!) Come early—the place gets packed and space is limited. $5 cover after 9 p.m. with a clothes check for $2. 1400 SE Morrison St.

SECOND TUESDAYS

Bi Bar—every second Tuesday at Crush, and it’s an open, bi-affirming space for music and mingling. Correction: Bi/Pan/Fluid/ Queer. 8 p.m., Crush, 1400 SE Morrison.

SECOND FRIDAYS

Slo Jams is a Queer Modern R&B & Neo Soul Dance Night at Local Lounge. DJ II TRILL (TWERK) and DJ MEXXX-TAPE lay down everything from Mary J // Jagged Edge// Keyshia to Badu//Lauryn Etc. 10 p.m., Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. $5.

Beareok know who

Comedy up some f

SECOND SATURDAYS

Hot Flash: Inferno. (Second and Fourth Saturdays) In the heart of Portland is where the women are—dancing the night away and burning up dance floors the second and fourth Saturdays of every month at Trio. Welcoming all women, queers, and their allies. DJ Lauren joins Wildfire, and this night features dancers from up and down the I-5 corridor. 6 p.m.-10 p.m., Trio, 909 E. Burnside.

Burlesca tease! Zor SE Morriso get on the Underge THIRD MONDAYS etc., fetish Bump, grind and crash into your favorite queer friends at Gay Skate. Look for our publisher, who’s always handing out copies of Free if you upon PQ. And, you know, you’ll probably get a CALENDAR SPONSORED BY must Cu date. Every third Str Monday. Food fav drive for Take Ro Action Inc. 7 Ven p.m., Oaks Park, 7805 SE Oaks Park Way. $6.

Tw twe ty— pqmonthly.com

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FRIDAY, JUNE 10

s

Pantyraid at Euphoria. The wild, wanderlusty underground moving queer dance party is coming to Euphoria for a pre-pride party the weekend before. Doors open at 8 p.m., tickets $15 to $20. 21+. 315 SE 3rd Ave.

C

n!

SATURDAY, JUNE 11

eo

Magical Unicorn Ride. Your preview to Portland’s Naked Bike Ride, unicorn style. Ride as bare as you dare—just roll around in sparkles or paint your body in rainbows if you want! The shimmery and more glittery, the better. Bike decorations highly encouraged. Meet at 2 p.m. at Colonel Summers Park, 1801 SE Taylor St. Ride starts at 2:15.

of d

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center with two full bars. Doors open at 5 p.m. . Rooftop celebration follows show. GE ad15 at TicketFly, discounts available. Revolution Stark St. #110.

TUESDAY, JUNE 7

e Night. Celebrating the life of the late great rthday. Dance to Prince and enjoy the lights a projection of Prince music videos like “Purple e. Snap a photo in the photo booth. DJs Ronic ats, and all-star Prince tribute band. 21+, $10 001 SE Morrison St.

THIRD TUESDAYS

ke PDX is BACK! Invite all the bears & chasers you o karaoke. Free! 9 p.m. at Scandals, 1125 SW Stark St.

THIRD WEDNESDAYS

y at Crush: Belinda Carroll and a slew of locals rustle funny. Special guests, and Crush’s signature cocktail and food menus. Donations, sliding scale. (Comics have to eat and drink, too, so give!) 9 p.m., Crush, 1400 SE Morrison.

Queens of the Night: Alexis Campbell Starr.

That’s all you need to know. But there’s more: she always welcomes a special slew of talented queens for a night that takes Hip-Hop from beginning to end. 8 p.m., Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. Free.

THIRD SATURDAYS

ape! Burlesque & boylesque wrapped in a taste of ra Phoenix, Isaiah Esquire, Tod Alan. 9 p.m., Crush, 1400 on. $10. We’re featuring all of Zora’s events online, so e net. ear: Eagle Portland’s monthly underwear, jock, mankini, h party every third Saturday. u arrive before 9 p.m. or if you use free clothes check entry after. After 9 p.m. arrivals who do not check clothes pay $5 entry. Clothes check and raffle prize provided by ub Cleaners. Eagle Portland, 835 N. Lombard. ranger Disco. An always-packed North Portland vorite queer dance party on North Williams; DJs Stormy oxx, Vera Rubin and Sappho. 21+, $5, starts at 9 p.m., ndetta, 4306 N. Williams Ave.

FOURTH FRIDAYS

werk. DJs ILL Camino and II Trill. Keywords: bring your erk. The city’s longest-running queer hip hop/R&B par—where artists, deejays, performers come to mix, mingle, pqmonthly.com

3

Pride Preview

WEDDINGS FEATURES VOICES GET OUT THE BRILLIANT LIST

Pride season is the queer community’s Christmas, and we’re only weeks away!

Make your initial Pride plans with these Pride highlights and be sure to pick up PQ Monthly’s Pride issue ON STANDS JUNE 9 for a more detailed list of good things to come!

THURSDAY, JUNE 9

Official Pride Kickoff Party hosted by PQ Monthly. Meet and mingle with PQ’s fabulous writers, staff and local community leaders while we launch into the Pride party season. Get your Pride edition and check out the extended event calendar! We’ll be getting in the party spirit with a show from Sir Cupcake’s Queer Circus plus performances by Bomb Ass Pussy, Turnback Boyz, CJ Mickens and more. The KeyBank Pride KIckoff Party brought to you by PQ Monthly is a benefit for Pride Nw with lots of food and drinks. 8 p.m. to midnight at My Bartender, 2305 SE 9th Ave. Portland Trans Pride March. Organized by the local Trans community, ensuring equal rights and improving the quality of life for all transgender LGBTQIA+ Oregonian peers and members statewide and nationally through legal advocacy, peer support, and social justice organizing. For more info see facebook.com/PDXTransPride. 11 a.m. to 3 p.m., starting location TBA. Friday, June 17

and move on the dance floor. We promise you you’ll move all night long. 10 p.m., Killingsworth Dynasty, 832 N Killingsworth. $5.

Club Kai-Kai. A crazy, cozy, packed dance party for queers at Saucebox. Club Kai-Kai (at it’s most basic) is an experimentation of nightlife, performance, and your gender preference. If you have questions, we don’t have answers; we just have a space for you to Kai-Kai. $5 cover, 21+ at Saucebox, 214 SW Broadway.

FOURTH SATURDAYS

Blow Pony. Two giant floors. Wide variety of music, plenty of room for dancing. Rowdy, crowdy, sweaty betty, the one tried and true, even after all these years. 9 p.m., Euphoria, 315 SE 3. $7.

Judy on Duty. Lesbian hardcore. Judys, Judes, and cool ass freaks. Dance it out. DJ Troubled Youth. Organized by Ana Margarita and Megan Holmes. 10 p.m., High Mark Water Lounge, 6800 NE MLK.

LAST SUNDAYS

Sabbathhause Discotheque, gay night is back at Aalto lounge and it is bigger and more queer than ever before. Featuring some of the best deejays and performers around and hosted by night hawk Chanticleer Tru. 8 p.m., Aalto Lounge, 3356 SE Belmont.

Glow Run. A 3 mile LED glowing loop on Portland’s waterfront. Register at http://prideglowrun.com/ and receive a pride glow run T-shirt, Glow Bracelets, Glow Necklaces and a LED Glow Baton. 9:30 p.m. to 11:55 p.m. at SW Morrison and SW Naito Pkwy.

SATURDAY JUNE 18.

Pride Northwest’s Trans Pride March.

This Trans Pride march is put on by Pride Northwest (with the March 11 event organized by the local trans community). Welcoming the trans, gender-variant, genderqueer, gender-fabulous and allied communities. June 18th.

3:30 p.m to 4:30 p.m. at 744 SW Ankeny.

Gaylabration. An annual evening dance party and fundraiser. The first Gaylabration was launched in 2011 marking the passage of marriage equality legislation in New York. Early tickets start at $14.99. 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. at McMenamins Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W. Burnside St.

SATURDAY JUNE 18/SUNDAY JUNE 19

Portland’s Official Northwest Pride Festival. Walk the loop and check out the booths from Portland’s LGBTQ-friendly orgs and vendors. Noon to 6 p.m. at the Tom McCall Waterfront Park in Downtown Portland.

SUNDAY, JUNE 19

Portland Pride Parade. The lights! The sights! The drag queens! Thousands line the streets of Downtown Portland to watch up to 150 groups march the course from Burnside to the Waterfront. Support your friends in the parade, wave to local celebrities and politicos, or scoop of piles of free schwag. 11 a.m. to 1 p.m., starting at W Burnside & NW Park.

MAY/JUNE 2016 • 17

VOICES FEATURES FEATURE FEATURE

DARCELLE XV & ROXY LEROY Continued from page 14

the AIDS organizations were started, we supported them because it was helping our friends.

Summer: How do you feel the community had evolved from when you first emerged to now?

DXV: The doors are open, all the closet doors are open. Not just privately, but publicly.

Summer: How hard has it been for you to adapt to the changing of technology such as Cd’s, internet, Facebook, from print advertising and posters?

DXV: We went from vinyl to tape, to reel to reel, we did a lot of editing on tapes. We’d record those songs and edit them together with the tape they were Big giant reels, we never did 8 track, but then went to cassettes, and then to CDs. We were always word of mouth of families telling families. In today’s day and age, it’s amazing to me that we could get entertainers from just Facebook alone. There are a lot of families that don’t have a computer, they only get the news from the Today Show, and so word of mouth has always been our best asset.

Summer: What was the first song you performed?

DXV: Barbara Streisand, always Barbra…

Roxy: I was show tunes music on vinyl. I didn’t do drag for a long time after Darcelle started the show. I went to a

strip club and choreographed strippers, Darcelle made the costumes. I didn’t want it to be a strip show I wanted it to be a real thing, we made them more theatrical. We made the pasties out of latex. It looked like they were nipples. We were always pushing the envelope.

Summer: What kind of pride do you take in knowing

that Portland considers you to be the godparents of the LGBT community?

DXV: How can you put that into the words, the respect that we’ve had, the caring and emotional things, it’s hard

to say. I did a radio show with a kid who’s 19, and the kid was excited to meet me, he hasn’t even seen me. You can be proud, but in our business, you can’t believe your own publicity. We are still walking around the same way everyone else is. We are still humble. And it’s responsibility.

We’ve probably earned it, and we maintained the communication. We spoke at our friend’s funerals, and being a part of the world we live in. I’m in tears that there are same-sex marriages now, the more that it’s all out in the public, the better it is. People have gotten respect for Darcelles.

Roxy: We get people who take themselves seriously who believes their own publicity, that’s when you fall down. If you have to say you don’t you know who I am, I always say ‘why have you forgotten?’

Summer: How was the prejudice against the gay bar?

DXV: We’ve been very lucky.

Summer: What do you feel is your greatest achievements in the Portland community to date?

DXV: Being recognized, in or out of drag, out and around the world. Maintaining your responsibility to the community that is appreciated by everybody and maintaining a ceremonious representation.

Summer: When you found out you were being submitted for the Guinness Book of PHOTO BY: ERIC SELLERS World Records for Oldest Living Drag queen, what does that kind of opportunity mean for you?

DXV: It’s a pretty incredible situation. They take 8000 people playing tennis at my time and here I am by myself.

DARCELLE & ROXY | Continues on page 19

FEATURE

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck? salvageworkspdx.com 2024 N. Argyle Street, Portland, OR 97217 • 503-899-0052 18 • MAY/JUNE 2016

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PERS{ECTOVES

DARCELLE XV & ROXY LEROY Continued from page 18

I think it’s marvelous, and everything’s in. We haven’t heard yet, but we are very excited. It feels like a thank you for what Roxy and I had achieved, just like it’s a thank you when Cascade AIDS Project gave us an AIDS Hero Award. Someone thought about us, and someone took the time to think of us.

Summer: What sort of message do you hope that today’s youth can glean from the lives that you’ve lived?

DXV: Find who you are, and follow what you really want to do and keep doing it it’ll keep coming to you so many people don’t realize who they are.

Roxy: Do what you feel.

Summer: Decades from now, what do you both hope will be your lasting impression on the community?

DXV: What I hope is that they realize, and can somehow find, is how it evolved from when you couldn’t tell anyone to now where it’s not a question of what toilet you could use or who should marry it should never be a question.

Prejudice starts at the dinner table, it’s taught, the moms and dads feed this to the kids if they’d settle that, and realize that they are not the only ones on Earth.’’

Roxy: We were here, and we made a big To Do. Summer: What do you have to say to the families that don’t support their gay kids?

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Roxy: It’s sad you could never convince them that they should accept them.

DXV: What’s happened here, we’ve had families come in after they told their family is gay. Then the mothers and dads can see what’s going on, and to me, that’s really where it’s at. People would come here to hide that they did drag and then bring their families here to show them how fabulous we could be.

Summer: What do we need to fight for now?

DXV: We never fought we just had to prove we wouldn’t destroy families.

It’s absolutely amazing to me that we have these two living legends walking among us. They’ve given me some of the best years of my life. I don’t think you can find any two more loving individuals than Darcelle and Roxy. These two people in their 80’s have more energy than all of the showgirls at the club combined. The many people who have walked through their doors of Darcelle XV Showplace have only just gotten a glimpse of who these two individuals are. They’ve been at the forefront of many causes and lived through a time where most of their friends died.

When you see them on the street, stop and say hello, you’re guaranteed to get a story that’ll stick with you forever. After 10 years of knowing them, I learned a whole bunch more during this interview. I’m forever grateful they’ve invited me into their lives and their club, they pushed me to be the best me I could be, and that experience is worth millions.

MAY/JUNE 2016 • 19

FEATURE NIGHTLIFE

PFLAG PORTLAND HELPS BOTH LGBTQ PEOPLE AND THEIR FAMILIES George T. Nicola

In early 1976, Portland parents Bill and Anne Shepherd joined with Rita and Charles Knapp in founding an organization to support their lesbian daughters. They initially called it Parents of Gays (POG) and set up a table at the local Pride rally to recruit additional members.

The following year, the Shepherds published their phone number on television and in a newspaper article, hoping to help LGBTQ people and their families. The phone immediately began ringing off the hook.

In 1982, POG became the Portland chapter of a national group called Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays (PFLAG). Its second president, Audria M. Edwards, was the first African-American in the nation to head a PFLAG chapter. She had four LGBTQ children and became a second mother to many others who were

20 • MAY/JUNE 2016

estranged from their families because of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

By educating parents and guiding them to accept and love their LGBTQ children, PFLAG Portland has for many decades helped keep families together. Parents and friends have organized to assist their kids and support each other. PFLAG Portland has also advocated for LGBTQ people’s dignity, respect, and legal equality. The group has regularly challenged laws, school regulations, and community expectations to get a fair shake for the kids. The group has also worked with faith leaders and houses of worship to affirm and embrace all in the faith tradition. Today, PFLAG Portland is the original and still the largest of 13 Oregon PFLAG groups. About half the members are straight cisgender allies while the other half are LGBTQ. In 2007, a new board of directors led by PFLAG mom President Dawn Holt refocused PFLAG Portland’s efforts on

those most in need – youth, transgender individuals and their families, and communities of color. Dawn remains President today while her husband -- PFLAG dad Shaun Simpkins -- oversees its website, communications, and database.

Nine years ago, PFLAG Portland intentionally reached out to parents and leaders in the African-American community in support of what led to the creation of a new entity called PFLAG Portland Black Chapter (PPBC). PPBC is the first PFLAG group in the nation to be created by and for the African-American community. It has worked extensively to advocate for LGBTQ equality in the larger black community and facilitate the organization of gay-straight alliances (GSAs) in the schools.

Khalil Edwards, the energetic and skillful Coordinator of PPBC, is the son of Antoinette and Keith Edwards. Antoinette is one of PPBC’s founders, and Keith is a staunch supporter.

In 2013, PFLAG Portland Black Chapter added Youth Coordinator Leila Hofstein to expand their Youth Outreach Program and Support Development. In that role, Leila Hofstein has done an exceptional job working with the LGBTQ youth of our community.

Also in that year, PFLAG Portland was very fortunate in grant-making through its Mini-Grant program. They were PFLAG PORTLAND | Story continues on page 23

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CALENDAR

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MAY/JUNE 2016 • 21

NIGHTLIFE

VOICES

DON’T TOUCH MY HAIR Four Plus Guns

By Samantha L. Taylor, PQ Monthly

If you were on the 4 headed south toward downtown at about 12:30 pm on Thursday like I was, you may have witnessed this, too.

The bus stopped at the Rose Quarter Transit Center while I was deciding whether to get off and catch the max to PSU, or keep riding and take another route. When the bus pulled up, I saw many uniformed, badged, and armed bodies. I thought to myself, Nah. I’m not getting off here; because if I had, I would’ve had to wait for the max in an area adjacent to all those guns. So, I decided it was safer to stay put.

Before the driver could fully break, more than five fully loaded transit police officers approached the bus, four of them boarding, asking to see everyone’s proof of fare.

In preparation to the touch of us or our belongings, one of them paused to put on black latex gloves before boarding.

It took all of about 30 seconds before a disabled older white woman began yelling at the police. As I sat there in my frozen agreement, I just thought, what’s going to happen when these police decide enough is enough? I took a vow of silence while she bemoaned our police state and was outraged at someone approaching her with a gun on his hip over a less than $5 bus ticket.

There was no exit for me; with an officer each at the front and rear doors, while two more checked passengers’ fares, and yet more still loitered outside our delayed bus.

So, I sat. As I’ve sat many times before in the presence of police: very still, silent, with my hands visible, hovering just above my lap.

Clearly upset, the elder white woman continues to yell about how outrageous it is that they need guns to administer fare checks. Every time she yells about this, a uniform replies, “You’re welcome,” with a smile. As though we should be grateful for being terrorized while on our way to work, school, the grocery store.

“This is a police state!”

“You’re welcome.”

“I don’t deserve to see a gun for a bus pass!”

“You’re welcome.”

“This is ridiculous!

How dare you…”

“You’re welcome.”

All of my energy was focused on amplifying her verbal protests. Though my mouth never opened once; I wanted to scream, to cry, to gnash my teeth, hissing at these agents of the state. These would-be humans. These lost souls. But on this day, I chose silence because I took a chance that a moment of silence would put me nearer to safety and farther from arrest. I’m thankful to have been correct. This time.

I’m relieved to be able to write this after being caught in such an experience. The same cannot be said for so many who others who were sleeping, on their way to work, asking for help, playing outside, boarding public transit, walking up their stairwell, picking up their kids from school, buying cigarettes, just being…

This time, we got lucky. But what about next time? Who would’ve been the target of uniformed violence, of police brutality? The dark-skinned Black woman next to her? The youth at the back of the bus? Me? None of us is immune.

If and when you’re confronted by police and are in mixed company, consider your relative safety and the nonexistent safety of those around you. If it’s a strategized encounter, make a safety plan and use it.

Upon us are the days where clouds dissipate, temperatures rise, and so does police presence and profiling. Know your rights and make informed decisions about how to interact with police. Especially, when you are putting others around you at risk of absorbing the literal and figurative blowback.

Here’s a short list of organizations that you can get involved with – or at a minimum attend their events – who are working to educate and inform the masses about oppression, abolition, and our rights as they exist under a system that wasn’t built to serve its most vulnerable participants.

Critical Resistance Black Lives Matter Marilyn Buck Abolitionist Collective All-African People’s Revolutionary Party

Your LOCAL full-service marketing agency that will connect you with the diverse populations of Oregon and SW Washington

WWW.SUPUBLICO.COM 22 • MAY/JUNE 2016

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ARTS & FASHION CULTURE

PFLAG PORTLAND Continued from page 20

able to extend a total of eight grants to very worthy organizations - two more than the previous year! Recipients in 2014 were Hosford Middle School, Outside In’s Queerzone, Jefferson High School, the GSA Youth Chorus, the Sexual and Gender Minority Youth Recreation Center in support of their holiday party and a gathering of Latino/a LGBTQ youth, Benson High School, and Madison High School.

PFLAG Portland has been serving the transgender community and their family members for many years. PFLAG chapters across the nation have recently seen a tremendous increase in trans people and their family members coming to PFLAG to better understand their trans-identified family members. PFLAG Portland has warmly embraced the trans community and is a leader in modeling how PFLAG can serve the needs of trans people and their families.

When LGBTQ young people are supported by their families, their risk for substance abuse, HIV infection, and even suicidality falls exponentially. So, PFLAG Portland is truly in the business of saving lives and preserving families. Caitlin Ryan’s groundbreaking work on families and LGBTQ youth have borne this out: http:// familyproject.sfsu.edu/.

Two years ago, PFLAG Portland started a group that meets in Gresham -- PFLAG Port-

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land East County. They have already built membership and are creating community.

The group’s Coordinators are Eric and Lurissa Overby, parents of a transgender daughter. PFLAG Portland Washington County launched on April 21 and meets in Beaverton. Patt Bekken is the group’s Coordinator.

In 2014, PFLAG Portland became the first LGBTQ organization to win the City of Portland’s prestigious Spirit of Portland Award in the recognition’s thirty-year history.

Every year the PFLAG National Network honors exceptional chapters in three categories: Support, Education, and Advocacy. Last year, the PFLAG Portland family of chapters shared the support award with PFLAG Columbia-Howard (Maryland) for its leadership in developing its network of community-responsive chapters to better serve the diverse Portland Metro area.

In 2014, Dawn Holt was appointed PFLAG’s Regional Director for Oregon, Washington, Montana, Idaho, and Alaska.

In this role, Dawn has facilitated the establishment of numerous other chapters in small towns and rural districts that are not so LGBTQ friendly. In many instances, PFLAG is the only LGBTQ advocacy group that has ever existed in the area.

PFLAG Portland has been a beacon of love and hope for four decades.

More information on PFLAG Portland, please see their website www.pflagpdx.org.

You can read its history at http://pflagpdx. org/wordpress/about-us/our-history/.

MAY/JUNE 2016 • 23

BOOKS

VOICES

FINDING LEO The Holes in My Heart Warning: It is a dangerous thing to open our hearts. Love is risk and vulnerability.

Love is fear and hope. Love for our friends, partners, families, and pets will lead us to both exultation and grief.

In my family, my coming out journey has been mostly a positive experience, though I do not take this for granted. I would like to share a part of my family story.

In 1994, I was dating a man that I would marry (and later divorce) and I met his nieces, who were infants and toddlers at the time. These are the four little girls who stole my heart. How do you describe the way a child takes your hand and grabs hold of your heart for the rest of your life?

Tosha, Merissa, Sheena, and Brianna, lived a few hours away, so I was not around as much as I wanted. I tried to stay connected by writing them postcards, and notes, and sending little presents. I saw them grow from toddlers to teenagers, and tried to be the best Aunt Laura I could be. (I was still living as a straight cis-gender woman. I didn’t even know I was trans). When my ex-husband and I divorced in 2005, it was easy to pledge that I would continue to be their aunt forever. Love does that.

In 2009, I took two of these wonderful young ladies to New Orleans for a national Lutheran Youth Gathering (ELCA). It was a good but exhausting week, chaperoning over 25 kids amongst 37000 youth.

At one point, Merissa touched all of our hearts when she gave her available cash and snacks to a homeless mother and child, and then encouraged the group to collect their snacks to donate as well. At the end of the week, I dropped Sheena and Merissa off at the bus station, hugged them, told them I loved them, and eagerly drove home to my well-earned chaperone nap.

Just a few weeks later, I received a call on Monday morning, August 31, 2009, that Merissa had died in a car accident at 17 years of age. I regret so much, including my exhausted and abrupt last words.

There is so much I grieve about Merissa, and I know that my grief is only a small proportion of that felt by her parents and sisters. She was so vibrant, hilarious, loving, and adventurous. She was beautiful, and special, and the world is not as lovely without her.

I think of my nephew and all my nieces every day, including those I have gained since 1994. When reflecting on family this month, my heart was bursting to talk about Merissa again.

I have found that each of my family rela-

tionships has ch ang ed ever so slightly since I transitioned from female to male. I was daughter, and am now son. My best friend, Daniel, now bugs me to make sure I’m a good son. I try! I was sister, and am now brother. I was aunt, and am now uncle.

In addition to the millions of other moments and memories that we all miss out on since Merissa is gone, I never got a chance for her to meet me as Uncle Leo. When Sheena told me recently that Merissa would have accepted me, it made me happy. But I wish she could have met me as the more authentic me.

How do I explain this so it makes sense?

I am the same person, but more fully. I am me, but living into my maleness. She will never know me as Leo. I will never have a picture of us where I am Uncle. It is only one small part of my grief, but it is real.

After I came out as trans in 2013, I avoided my nieces for a while. I was afraid of how they would handle me after transitioning to male, after I had been Aunt Laura to them for so long. I knew I was missing out, but in those early days of coming out, fear defined a lot of the choices I made. I finally visited in the fall of 2014, and then drove down for the birth of Tosha’s first child, in January of 2015. I am grateful they received me with love and acceptance, and my fears were unfounded. These girls are special.

I deeply wish that Merissa was here to share our journeys and enjoy long conversations. I never got the chance to know Merissa as an adult. I would love to go to her graduation, and celebrate her escapades. Our lives are an infinite number of stories, as we say in our Building an Inclusive Church training. I want to hear more of Merissa’s stories. I will grieve her death for the rest of my life. There are holes in my heart that will never be filled because she is gone.

But I am grateful for those four little girls who stole my heart, and the relationship I can still have with my beautiful, talented, and caring nieces, Tosha, Sheena, and Brianna, and now their children, Serenity and Josiah. I am their Uncle Leo, and they love me as I am. Thank you.

To honor Merissa’s passion for those in need, please consider a donation to OutsideIn, New Avenues for Youth, or P:ear, all organizations working to improve the lives of youth affected by homelessness.

ELLE ZOBER

By Leo Bancroft, PQ Monthly

Leo Bancroft is a Lutheran trans man. He volunteers on the boards of Cascade AIDS Project and ReconcilingWorks. You can reach him at leo@pqmonthly.com.

24 • MAY/JUNE 2016

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MUSIC

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MAY/JUNE 2016 • 25

Key Bank Presents: The Official Pride Kick-off Pride Party!

LET’S CELEBRATE THE PRIDE THAT BEGINS WITH YOU!

Brought to you by

PQ MONTHLY

-A BENEFIT FOR PRIDE NWofficialpridekickoff.eventbrite.com

JUNE 9TH

My Bartender 2305 SE 9th Ave, Portland, OR 97214 - 8PM - MIDNIGHT!

Pride begins with you, and we will be kicking off Pride Season with Sir Cupcake’s Queer Circus who will evoke the elements for us. Additionally, Jack StockLynn of Sir Cup Cake will serve as our Ring Master while we showcase performances by: Bomb Ass Pussy • Turnback Boyz • CJ Mickens and the Band • Teresa Topaz and The Strike, plus VJ’s, and a no-host bar and food carts from all over Portland!

The doors open at 8 pm to midnight; tickets are $10.00 in advance and $15.00 at the door.

This event is 21 and older must have a valid id.

Bomb Ass Pussy bombasspussy.net

Sir Cupcake’s Queer Circus sircupcake.com

Teresa Topaz www.teresatopaz.com/video

CJ Mickens & the Band soundcloud.com/cjmickens

The Shrike

reverbnation.com/theshrike

Turnback Boys pantsoffpdx.com/turnbackboyz

26 • MAY/JUNE 2016

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The Key Bank Pride Kick-off Party brought to you by PQ Monthly, a benefit for Pride NW is a collaboration between PQ Monthly and Pride Northwest a 501-c-3 non-profit who is committed to LGBTQ safety, visibility, and community celebration of the NW. The kick-off event is scheduled on June 9, 2016, at My Bartender located at 2305 SE 9th Ave, Portland, OR 97214.

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RELIGION

BLACK AND GAY IN THE CHURCH Faith screening and discussion brings intracommunity issues to the forefront

By Olivia Olivia

This month nearly a hundred community members lined up at the First AME Zion Church on North Vancouver to watch a film that addresses a serious and sometimes ignored issue in the African American and Afro diasporic communities – can one walk the line of faith and earn their place in the group, while being out? The film, Holler If You Hear Me, was created by Clay Cane for BET, and has drawn thoughtful feedback and discussion since it first aired.

PFLAG Portland Black Chapter, the organization hosting the discussion, points out that this is an outgoing part of what they call their Faith Outreach program. Khalil Edwards, the chapter’s co-director, explained the background of that outreach.

The Faith Outreach program was really born out of the 2012 report, Lift Every Voice, which was a partnership with the Urban League of Portland. The groundbreaking report used data, stats, stories, research, and surveys to lift up the experiences and disparities facing Black LGBTQ Oregonians.

“In many ways the report told us what we already knew and reinforced with concrete data the challenges that Black LGBTQ families in Oregon are going through. One thing the report told us is that we are a people of strong faith and spirituality, but have had a complicated and often painful relationship with our black faith community that has not always fully embraced us,” he said.

Edwards went on to explain that the Faith Outreach program was launched in 2013 and aims to strengthen the Black Faith community and heal the relationship for Black LGBTQ families. “We started this journey with faith

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luncheons bringing together nearly 15 black faith leaders cussion, says he is not new to the work and finds it fulfillto engage in discussion around these issues,” he said. “So ing. “This trip was important because I think as we endeavwe were really excited to be able to bring Holler If You Hear our to do this work we have to be supportive of each other Me for the first time to Portland.” even across state lines. This film is groundbreaking – there The Portland screening was isn’t another film like it discussfollowed by a discussion with ing these intersecting issues.” some of the biggest names At the end of the night, the in Portland’s African Amergroup listened to faith leaders and ican faith leadership along members like Salome Chimuku, with guests from other parts Reverend Cecil Charles Prescod, of the country, notably ReverPastor Dwight Minnieweather end Cedric A. Harmon, ExecuSr., along with the visiting guests, tive Director of Many Voices, a discuss bringing other communon profit dedicated to issues nity members into the folds and of integrating Black LBGTQ having the difficult discussions acceptance in the church. with family and friends. PFLAG “It was a wonderful experi- REVEREND HARMON A. JOHNSON, LEADER OF MANY VOICES, SPEAKS TO AN Portland Black Chapter faith AUDIENCE ON A PANEL WITH PASTOR STEVEN SAWYER (LEFT) AND PFLAG lead Maurice Evans moderated ence to have folks come down PORTLAND BLACK CHAPTER MEMBER SALOME CHIMUKU. on a Saturday night to engage the discussion, carefully allowing in conversation about issues of concern to the LBGTQ com- time for the panellists to address each other and the audience munity, their family, and their friends,” said Harmon. He on the sensitive and sometimes taboo subject. also said that this visit to Portland had been unique from Pastor George Whitfield of the First AME Zion Church other trips he’s made in recent years. “Sometimes you hosted the event and let the community we all have a come in for a conference, but this visit has connected us home in his congregation that is welcoming and accepting. to people in the community – people that knew about us “I’m here to say, on behalf of the faith, if anyone has ever and have supported Many Voices since we were founded wronged you, I’m sorry and I welcome you here.” many years ago, and I got to meet them for the first time.

“This is the beginning of many conversations to come,” We have a national footprint all over the country but we said Edwards. “We hope this means folks will carry these are a very small organization, so this was incredible for us.” thoughts and questions into their life from here, and that Pastor Steven Sawyer, a faith leader who came to Port- we can support them doing so at PFLAG Portland Black land down from Tacoma for the screening and panel dis- Chapter.”

MAY/JUNE 2016 • 27

FEATURE ENTERTAINMENT PHOTOS

VOICES

EMBODY Digital Divide

By Sossity Chiricuzio, PQ Monthly

I have conflicting emotions about my smartphone. Beyond the obvious ones of child labor and mineral harvesting and piles of electronic waste. Beyond even the rising costs and barriers to access, an imposed state of obsolete on other phone options, and the ease of misuse of their data.

My unease also comes from their ability to create isolated notes in the data stream out of people.

On my morning bus commute, I have often counted books vs. phones (I will never consider a Kindle to be a book, but I do count it towards literary pursuit) and inwardly cheer when the rarest of all things happens: a conversation. More and more I feel surrounded by ghosts—I can see them, but they can’t see me, lost in the glow before their face. Everything is only somewhat real, not nearly as bright or tasty as what the internet has to offer. Cranky avians, cutting edge videos, the latest music, and another news article you’ll never believe—it’s compelling!

Here’s the list of conflicting parts: I use and advocate the use of social media for personal connection, business, community, and activism. I use my phone as a camera almost daily as part of my gratitude practice. I use my phone as a shield between myself and pushy men, tedious trips, and the world just too much some days. I long for a glimpse of my mother’s kitchen, my niblings growing up so fast, so far away. I understand social anxiety; the high alert of a guardian, or someone tracking urgent health or illness info; the need to sometimes disappear.

And I miss eye contact.

I miss looking up from the middle of a story and seeing the expression on someone’s face, waiting for the next sentence, ready to engage. I miss finishing a story without being interrupted to see a meme or a game or a viral video. I miss going deeper than 30-second social setting attention spans will allow. This is not always, but it is often.

I am well aware we are a product of this capitalist machine, grinding us out into the shapes that buy best, digitally programmed to respond to the quick and shiny. I am not mad at you, I am mad for you. I am mad that this world is so harsh we need a buffer at hand, just to get through the day. I am mad that so much of the material on it is equally harsh; that we need to hack our way through a thicket of hate to find each other; that sometimes we can only find each other in that tiny square of projected reality.

There is no one right answer. I do not have an answer. I have only feelings and questions.

Are you already aware of how much time your phone is in your hand? How it affects your bones and muscles, as well as your mind? Do you feel like you get enough connection and human contact? Is your phone your first thought upon waking?

Some of my own answers to those questions trouble me. This is a conversation I am also having with myself.

Part of my job as a writer is to observe and to connect with what I am observing.

I have created several rituals around my writing practice, which frequently intersects with my gratitude practice, being as they are basically the same thing. These rituals involve my phone: the easiest, cheapest, most accessible way available to me to take photographs, and to write love notes to Portland (examples of both on my twitter feed: @sossitywrites.) The conflict of all this leads me to offer you another reason to use your phone in the midst of my concern about the use of cell phones. It’s quite the beautiful trap we’re in.

I’m trying to find my own balance. To remember to hit send on that tweet and then put the phone away. Look around the bus and out the window. Note how the street is changing, or if a stranger looks sad or lost, or just actively enjoy my own bubble of alone time in the rush of everyone’s day. To remember that life is still really happening, even without a photo to prove it.

What is your emotional connection to your phone?

If you really sit with that question, the answer might surprise you. Then again, it might not—many of us are quite conscious of our various coping mechanisms, being as how they help us survive. Whatever your answer it, I don’t think it’s the wrong answer.

I don’t have the right answer if there is such a thing, but the questions have been plaguing my mind for years now. Lately, it seems to be increasingly prevalent, especially at gatherings where I often find myself pulling out my own phone so as to not feel alone in a group of people.

I’m speaking from all my own perspectives, of course: sighted; somewhat able-bodied; in my forties; partial to interactions that tell me more about what you think, than what you think about something someone else made. I also feel the pull of the social networks, the power of direct action and access to information, the chance to connect. It’s school, and distraction from school, all at once. It’s a haven of so many flavors. It’s a magical force field on the winding path through the unknown and the known to be dangerous.

And I miss you.

End note: If you have questions or topics you’d like me to cover, products you’d like me to review, people you’d like to hear from, or resources to share, please get in touch! sossity@pqmonthly.com 28 • MAY/JUNE 2016

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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> • June 9th, 2016, 8P.M.- Midnight! : MyBartender ( 2305 SE 9th Ave. Portland, OR )

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