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PQMONTHLY.COM Vol. 3 No. 9 Sept-Oct 2014

Inside: A Complete Schedule of This Year’s Festival, Mr. and Ms. Oregon Leather, Saint Harridan, The Secret Life of Summer Seasons, Trans Representation in Theater, and Much More!

“FROM ‘BACK ON BOARD’”

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PQ TEAM OUR STORIES ARE AS DIVERSE AS WE ARE Melanie Davis

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Cover outtakes from the brilliantly talented Eric Sellers. Our cover models really wanted to swim, damn it!

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Not only is the season a harbinger of all of the year’s best things —chilly sunny days, heavier jackets and vests, crunchy, colorful leaves, it marks the return of the city’s Queer Film Festival My utterly favorite time of the year has arrived — autumn! Not only is the season a harbinger of all of the year’s best things —chilly sunny days, heavier jackets and vests, crunchy, colorful leaves, it marks the return of the city’s Queer Film Festival — and the changing of the seasons also marks the unofficial beginning of gala and party season (see: Ignite, Equity inside). In our pages, you’ll find lots of information about those, in addition to some things you need to know about this coming election season — as always, you’ll find a diverse group of voices presenting many different points of view. Leela Ginelle tackles Measure 91; Monika MHz crafts a devastatingly beautiful essay about suicide; we meet Mr. and Ms. Leather Oregon; Nick Mattos looks at the Mankind Project. The stories are as varied as we are, and that’s just the way we like it.

Speaking of diversity, there’s a little something I’d like to talk about.

Earlier this month, two of the plaintiffs in our big marriage equality suit decided to very loudly and very publicly endorse someone who isn’t Jeff Merkley in the race for U.S. Senate in Oregon. I knew about their plans in the days and weeks leading up to their announcement, and our team had

TJ Acena, Ben Burwitz, Belinda Carroll, Marco Davis, Gula Delgatto, Andrew Edwards, Leela Ginelle, Kim Hoffman, Shaley Howard, Konrad Juengling, Richard Jones, LeAnn Locher, Monika MHz, Miss Renee, Katey Pants, and, of course, your PQ Editorial Team

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a decision to make. Was the couple’s endorsement in and of itself news? In the end, our publisher, Melanie Davis, Nick Mattos, and I decided it was most definitely news — a high-profile couple who helped win marriage in Oregon strayed from so-called acceptable “norms.” That, to us, is the very essence of news.

I knew pushback would be tough — I warned the couple (full disclosure: friends of mine) it would be, and they certainly weren’t ignorant to that fact. What surprised me is how ugly things got. While there was plenty of spirited, welcome, intelligent debate, there was also plenty of nasty, reckless rhetoric and wildly inappropriate name-calling. Some of it came from places I didn’t expect — from people in positions of leadership throughout our city. One of the men approached me during the ruckus and said, “Living in the closet was easier than this.” Isn’t that just about the saddest commentary one can offer on how some of us chose to disagree with them?

Let me be clear — at PQ and El Hispanic News, we do not endorse candidates. We don’t think that’s our job. What we do is provide a forum and a place for a variety of points of view to intersect and mingle — respectfully.

There is no “one voice” or “one perspective” that speaks for the whole of PQ — you’d only have to sit in on one of our staff meetings to learn that — and that’s how we like it. Dialogue is the spice of life — spirited debate keeps us intellectually agile. Do we want a community where people are terrified to float alternate points of view? Do we want a community that marches to the beat of the same drum without question? In this case, there are dozens of intelligent, thoughtful points one could make that would make compelling arguments for Merkley’s reelection. Calling someone a “tool” because they want to vote for someone else isn’t one of them.

In the spirit of a trusted advisor — Roey Thorpe, I’d like to present a few ideas for constructive conversation as we head into a loud campaign season. When something happens, don’t rely on word of mouth. Read everything you can before forming an opinion. Listen to opposing views.

Often, we don’t disagree as much as we think we do, and there’s truth in different perspectives. Not being willing to really listen, and seriously consider, an opposing viewpoint means you’re not secure enough to do so. Just listen, think, and discuss — you might not change your mind, but you might learn something regardless. And, above all else, assume best intent. It’s never fair or appropriate to suggest that because someone disagrees with you, they’re less committed or passionate or aware. You might see ways that their argument would benefit from more information or a different perspective, but that doesn’t mean they’re ignorant or uncaring.

It’s offensive and insulting to suggest someone else who cares enough to voice an opinion is somehow inferior to you in their dedication. Appreciate their passion and assume it is equal to your own.

Because that, dear readers, is the greatest love of all.

ON THE COVER After perusing dozens of stills and images from this year’s big queer film fest, we settled on the opening night’s number, about Olympic Champion Greg L o u ga n i s . B e sure to check out “Back on Board” opening night! And celebrate with your community at Cafe Nell afterwards for the much-anticipated after party, where Greg will be in attendance.

Portland’s Queer Film Festival Returns!............................................... Page 5 Legalize Pot?..........................................................................................Page 6 YWCA and Social Change................................................................... Page 9 “He Died From Depression,” by Monika MHz.....................................Page 10 Oregon’s newest Leather title-holders!................................................Page 12 “Yes, I’ll Marry You”--a Tale from the Front Lines.................................Page 13 Brush up on your Important Community Annoucements..................Page 16 “Guard Our Rights!”...............................................................................Page 19 Style Deconstructed Returns!................................................................Page 20 Also: the Mankind Project, a chat about Direct Buy, Climbing Mountains (Cultivating Life), ID Check, Everything is Connected, The Lady Chronicles, and Much More. Dive in! Not seeing what you love? Email Daniel@PQMonthly.com

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FEATURE

AUTUMN IS HERE — AND PORTLAND’S QUEER FILM FESTIVAL RETURNS!

Stills from Queer Film Fest standout “One Zero One”: The Story of Cybersissy and BayBjane, a visually dazzling hybrid of documentary, fantasy, and performance footage.

By Daniel Borgen, PQ Monthly

Each and every year, we eagerly await Portland’s Queer Film Festival — formerly the Gay and Lesbian Film Fest — and our love is twofold: it’s one part seeing queers of all stripes lined up and wrapped around city blocks, down 21st Avenue, then Irving Street, opening night, big-citystyle. The other part is our genuine love for storytelling and cinema — it’s our chance to see our stories on the big screen; it’s also an opportunity to challenge our perspectives and learn from each other.

The festival — now in its 18th year — is the harbinger of autumn, gently ushering us into some of our city’s drearier months. The dedicated architects of the cinematic celebration work year-round to cement each year’s lineup — and they never fail to impress us. A very loud and public thank you, Yvonne Behrens and Gabriel Mendoza, for your years of service, passion, and creativity. Through their work, we’ve been introduced to gems like “Howl,” “Trick,” “Weekend,” “We Were Here,” and, most recently, “Bridegroom.” (To name just a very few.) Everyone at PQ is thrilled to honor the dynamic duo and their festival with September’s cover, and we’re delighted to share this year’s lineup with you, and we’re equally excited it’s once again at Portland’s historic Cinema 21. Without further ado: The festival begins this year — on October 3 at 7:30PM — with a riveting documentary about four-time Olympic champion Greg Louganis. “Back on Board” is an intimate portrait of the public triumphs and private struggles of trailblazing, openly gay Louganis. The film reveals the complicated life of an athlete whose grace, beauty, and courage sparked a worldwide fascination with diving. Both Louganis and director Cheryl Furjanic will be in attendance.

(Opening night party will be at Café Nell.)

On October 9, the festival ends with a special screening of the uplifting drama “Pride,” based on the real-life

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story of a group of pioneering lesbian and gay activists who banded together to support a miners’ strike in the United Kingdom in the 1980s. “Pride” was the closing night film of this year’s Cannes Film Festival, arguably the world’s most prestigious film festival. (Oct. 9, 7PM) Other highlights include the North American Premiere of “The Wife Master,” a wholly unique and creative new mockumentary merging fact and fiction to tell the story of Bora, a selfish, misogynistic, 40 year-old, gay, Cambodian-American who still lives at home. “Master” plays on October 6 at 7PM. Director Charlie Vaughn and screenwriter/star Brandon Alexander will be in attendance at the screening of their film “First Period,” which plays on Saturday, October 4 at 9PM. “First Period” is an homage to 1980s high school comedies—if John Waters had directed a John Hughes movie using the cast of “Strangers with Candy,” you’d have “First Period.” (Oct 4, 9PM) The rest of the lineup includes: “Born to Fly.” Not just a choreographer, Elizabeth Streb is a wildly extreme action architect. This doc traces the evolution of Streb’s movement philosophy as she pushes herself and her dancers from the ground, to the wall, to the sky. (Oct. 4, 5PM) “Appropriate Behavior.” In this hilarious comedy, Shirin is struggling to become an ideal Persian daughter, politically correct bisexual, and hip young Brooklynite. But she’s not quite Persian enough, not quite gay enough, not quite anything enough. (Oct. 4, 7PM) “Out in the Night.” This doc tells the story of four young African-American lesbians who, on a summer night in 2006 in New York City, are sexually and physically threatened by an older man. After defending themselves from his advances, they are charged and convicted of assault and attempted murder and vilified in the press. (Oct. 5, 5PM) “The Way He Looks”: Brazilian drama about a blind, teenage boy falling in love for the first time. (Oct. 5, 7PM)

“One Zero One”: The Story of Cybersissy and BayBjane, a visually dazzling hybrid of documentary, fantasy, and performance footage, is the true-life fairytale of Antoine Timmermans and Mourad Zerhouni, who overcome disabilities with their triumphant drag alter egos, Cybersissy and BayBjane. (Oct. 5, 8:50PM) “Such Good People.” A contemporary screwball comedy about a young gay couple, Richard and Alex, Michael Urie (“Ugly Betty”) and Randy Harrison (“Queer As Folk”), who find one million dollars cash while housesitting. (Oct. 6, 9PM) “The Foxy Merkins.” This comedy is a hilariously deadpan lesbian homage and riff on the iconic male hustler films. (Oct. 7, 7PM) “Lilting”. In this British drama, the sudden death of Kai, a young London man, leaves his Chinese Cambodian mother Junn (Pei-pei Cheng, “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”) and his boyfriend Richard (Ben Whishaw, “Skyfall”) profoundly grieving. (Oct. 7, 9PM) “Tru Love.” A widow, recovering from the death of her husband, comes to the big city to spend time with her too-busy professional daughter. Instead, she forges an unlikely relationship with a commitment-phobic lesbian who has had a past with her daughter. (Oct. 8, 7PM) “Boys.” Two teen track stars discover first love as they train for the relay race championships in this Dutch drama.

(Oct. 8, 9PM) Closing night: “Pride,” described above. (Oct. 9, 7PM) “Nomansland,” The Last Farewell. (Oct. 9, 9:15PM) For more information and a complete schedule of showtimes, visit http://pdxqueerfilm.com/ as the weekend approaches. (Full festival passes — which start at $100 — and vouchers available.) Buy yourself a festival pass! Treat yourself to some stellar queer cinema. We’ll see you at the movies.

September/October 2014 • 5

PRIDE FEATURE

FIVE REASONS THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY SHOULD CARE ABOUT MARIJUANA LEGALIZATION

By Leela Ginelle, PQ Monthly

Voters in this November’s election will once again have a chance to legalize marijuana in Oregon. Measure 91 authorizes recreational pot use for adults 21 years and older, allowing them to possess up to eight ounces of dried marijuana and up to four plants.

The Vote Yes on 91 Campaign, which champions the measure, presents its benefits as twofold: the chance to end the costly, racially unjust policing of the drug, and the opportunity to collect and distribute the revenue the state will draw from its sale to much needed causes, like school funding and drug treatment programs.

Multiple polls have shown that Oregonians agree with this argument, as a clear majority in each poll has said it favors its passage.

I recently sat down with Yes on 91 communications director, Peter Zuckerman and he told me about the five reasons—in his view— Oregon’s LGBTQ community should want to see this measure pass.

Reason 1: The LGBTQ Community is Pro-Social Justice.

“Marijuana laws in Oregon are enforced in a racist way that is morally reprehensible,” Zuckerman says. “People of color use marijuana at the same rate as white people, but—partly because police have a lot of discretion when it comes to marijuana—people of color in Oregon are more than twice as likely to get arrested or cited for it.”

To support this claim, the Yes on 91 Campaign cites the FBI’s Uniform Crime Report from 2010, which indeed shows that African-Americans were arrested at a rate 2.1 times greater than whites for marijuana possession (they were arrested at a rate greater than three times that of whites in Multnomah and Lane Counties). Moreover, marijuana possession accounted for over half the drug arrests in the state that year, and its enforcement cost over $50,000,000 Viewing marijuana legalization as a social justice issue extends beyond race, though, in Zuckerman’s view. “The police target people they consider suspicious, which can include LGBT individuals,” he says. “A transgender person in Baker City might look ‘suspicious’ to a police officer there, just because of their identity. Right now, marijuana possession is something people can be arrested for when they’re targeted this way, but this measure can change that.”

Arrests and citations like these, of which there were over 13,000 in 2013, follow Oregonians each time they apply for a job, or try to get housing or a loan, and 90 percent of these incidents in the state involve less than an ounce of marijuana.

“People’s lives shouldn’t be ruined just because of marijuana,” Zuckerman says.

Reason 2: The LGBTQ Community Benefits from Socially Progressive Candidates Progressive candidates are more likely to propose and enact pro-LGBTQ legislation. Marijuana legalization is the type of issue that attracts voters who might not otherwise be likely to participate in an election, and who will support progressive politicians, Zuckerman says.

“Marijuana regulation is the most exciting thing on the 6 • September/October 2014

ballot for young people,” he says. “Young voters, who are often unregistered, also overwhelmingly support LGBT equality and progressive candidates.”

Zuckerman notes that, in this way, Measure 91 can fill the vacuum left by marriage equality’s speedy victory.

“Because Oregon won the freedom to marry even more quickly than originally expected, Oregon United for Marriage did not get an opportunity to run a massive voter registration drive. Now marijuana legalization can do just that,” he says.

This type of young, progressive turnout can have important results, as it did in 2008, when voter enthusiasm for Barack Obama helped Jeff Merkley upset Republican incumbent Gordon Smith in their Senate race. Three years later, Merkley co-sponsored an ENDA bill that passed the Senate.

“This could be the difference between winning and losing for a candidate like Merkley,” Zuckerman says, “who won by 4,000 votes.”

Reason 3: The LGBTQ Community Can Benefit from Increased Drug Treatment and Prevention Programs According to a 2012 brief by the Center for American Progress, LGBTQ people are between two and three times more likely to develop substance abuse problems than non-LGBTQ folk. Currently, according to Zuckerman, there are few resources for treatment and education that might help them break their habits and achieve sobriety, or avoid becoming dependent in the first place.

“Right now, the people leading drug education in Oregon are criminal market dealers, the last people who should be doing it,” he says. “But if marijuana were taxed and regulated, millions of dollars would be generated to pay for education, treatment, and prevention programs.”

Under the model proposed by Measure 91, the collected tax revenue would be divided three ways, with 40 percent going to school funding, 35 percent going to state and local police, and 25 percent dedicated to drug treatment, prevention and mental health programs.

Some factors that experts suggest lie behind the high rates of drug abuse for LGBTQ people are the stress stemming from social prejudice and discriminatory laws, a lack of competency in the American health care system, which deters people in the LGBTQ community from seeking help or treatment, and the connection those in the community have to bars and clubs as safe spaces to socialize.

While Measure 91 may not solve, or even address, these issues directly, Zuckerman believes it will have a positive effect in countering the current problems, citing the example of cigarette usage.

“As we’ve seen with tobacco, regulation and taxation to pay for education has been effective in reducing use,” he says. “As we’ve seen with alcohol, prohibition does just the opposite. The key is to have education and prevention services available and to shrink the criminal market where dealers are constantly trying to upsell their customers on harder drugs like meth and heroin.”

Reason 4: The LGBTQ Community Cares about Senior Health Care

LGBTQ seniors face many vulnerabilities. Much has been written about how this generation can encounter intolerance when entering assisted living and becoming dependent on caregivers and, in turn, feel a need to hide their identities.

In addition to this, accessing medical marijuana can be a struggle for this age group, for multiple reasons, all of which this measure could alleviate, Zuckerman says.

“Seniors with debilitating diseases like cancer, seizure disorders, and multiple sclerosis can get a new lease on life, thanks to medical marijuana, but getting medical marijuana can be difficult and expensive, especially if you are infirm,” he says, as it involves navigating complicated, costly health care and insurance systems.

“Of the seniors who manage to jump through all the hoops to get a medical marijuana card, many of them have to drive hours and hours to get their medicine because of confusing state laws,” he says.

Further complicating the drug’s efficacy is its illegality, which frightens medical scientists away from studying it, according to Zuckerman.

“Because marijuana is illegal, almost no research is done on it and medical marijuana is not tested and labeled,” he says. “Patients have to guess at the proper dosage because research isn’t comprehensive. That needs to change. For these reasons, senior advocacy organizations like The Oregon State Council for Retired Citizens have already endorsed our campaign.”

“Senior care is important to LGBT people, and if you care about seniors, you should care about this measure,” he says.

Reason 5: The LGBTQ Community is On the Right Side of History It’s hard to argue with this one. In the 45 years since Stonewall, our community has mounted a historic campaign that’s resulted in a cultural and legal shift in the recognition of the human rights and equality of sexual and gender minorities. We’ve highlighted and fought against oppression, and, Zuckerman says, working to overturn unjust drug laws is an important continuation of these efforts.

“LGBT people have started to see and talk about how these issues intersect, how social justice and racial justice are connected, and need to be addressed together,” he says.

One can see this sort of thinking emerge throughout our community, in organizations like Queer Intersections Portland, which promotes community building for LGBTQ youth and young adults with intersecting, marginalized identities, and Basic Rights Oregon, which has a dedicated Racial Justice Program.

It’s therefore right, Zuckerman argues, that the LGBTQ community be on the forefront of the sweeping change happening around this issue.

“Poll after poll shows a growing majority of Americans and Oregonians believe that it’s time for a new approach to marijuana, and The New York Times editorial board recently ran a six-part series about why we can’t afford to continue prohibition,” he says. “LGBT people care about what’s important and what’s right.”

If you’re convinced, and want to help pass this measure, the first step Zuckerman suggests is that you make sure you’re registered to vote. This is especially important if you’ve moved in the last few years and might not have updated your registration information. “The rules around that are tricky here, and people might not know they’re not registered,” he says.

The campaign is also recruiting volunteers. To find out more, those interested can visit the Yes on 91 website. pqmonthly.com

FEATURE

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FEATURE FEATURE

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FEATURE FEATURE NEWS

YWCA’S SOCIAL CHANGE PROGRAM WORKS TO DISMANTLE OPPRESSION

By Leela Ginelle, PQ Monthly

Adkison-Stevens kept presenting to neighborhood and law enforcement groups, and working and communicatPeople unfamiliar with the YWCA might associate the ing with other organizations in Portland’s social justice organization with apolitical activities, like summer camps community, such as “Uniting to Understand Racism,” the and swimming lessons. Social justice is at the heart of the Kennedy School’s “Race Talks” program. “It was very nebgroup’s vision, however, as communicated by its simple, ulous,” she says of her job focus at the time. “It was under four word slogan, “Eliminating Racism, Empowering the Domestic Violence program, but did not get a lot of Women.” attention.”

One tool the YWCA of Greater This changed in 2011, when a new Portland uses to meet those importExecutive Director, Leslie Bevan, was ant goals is its Social Change prohired, and the commitment to creatgram. The program, which coming a new Social Change program was prises trainings offered by expert made. The program consists largely facilitators, helps attendees grasp of trainings offered on weeknights at and begin to dismantle the systems the YWCA’s downtown headquarters. of oppression within our culture, in The classes are offered several nights the realms of race, gender, sexuality, during the week throughout the year, class, and beyond. on a schedule designed to accommoThe program was started by fordate as many different audiences as mer-Y employee Choya Adkison-Stepossible. vens. Years before, Adkison-Stevens Social justice is at the heart of the group’s vision, however, as There is a fee structure, had attended the 40 hours of train- communicated by its simple, four word slogan, “Eliminating Racism, Adkison-Stevens says, to help affirm ing required by the state to begin Empowering Women.” that social change work “has value,” working at the Yolanda House, the and combat the double standards YWCA’s former-domestic violence shelter in Portland. She’d often to undervalued nonprofit work, which she points out been especially moved during the training by a presenta- is often “coded as feminine.” tion on understanding oppression.

From its inception, Adkison-Stevens says, the Social “I responded to its focus on power analysis, the way it Change program has responded to requests from the outemphasized systems analysis, as opposed to individual side community, as well. This has meant providing trainings experiences,” Adkison-Stevens says. In her work at the shel- to organizations that have had complaints about racism or ter, she saw these dynamics play out, observing the ways sexism made against them, either internally or externally. racism, sexism and class injustice impacted the life circum- While Adkison-Stevens says these groups often ask for “diverstances of her clients. sity training” or cultural competency workshops,” the Social Adkison-Stevens soon found herself invited to present on Change program maintains its broader view of understandthese topics herself, leading trainings for the Oregon Coa- ing oppression throughout its offering. lition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence on “Under“We aim for a model that addresses institutional oppresstanding Oppression,” a prospect she found “nerve-wrack- sion,” she says, mentioning how trainings often position their ing, but exhilarating.” attendees as “the mainstream” peering in at “the other.” The At the same time, Adkison-Stevens felt frustrated at YWCA’s program, conversely, invites people to ask, “Where what she saw as the YWCA of Greater Portland’s failure to am I in these systems?” Adkison-Stevens says, in order to meet its mandate in working to eliminate racism. “We pro- disrupt ideas of a normalized group. vided services to people of color, but it was not in a way A recent training titled “Sexual Assault Dynamics 1” informed by the effects of systemic racism on our clients’ began with attendees giving their names and pronoun experiences,” she says. preference (a common opening at the program). The pre-

sentation involved a multimedia analysis of rape culture, and myths about sexual assault in our society. The class looked at the intersections of sexual assault and race, and sexual assault and transphobia, to highlight multiple areas of oppression.

Adkison-Stevens, who identifies as queer, says the program aims for inclusiveness in all forms. She herself leads a training titled, “Sex, Gender & Sexual Orientation,” which, again, seeks to view the issues within societal systems, rather than through the lens of the “dominant” and “minority” groups. “We invite everyone to look at their own relationship to gender and sexuality in our culture, and then examine how our systems affect different populations,” she says.

Looking ahead, she envisions splitting the class into two parts: one on sexual identity, and another on gender and sexuality. “I think it does a disservice to the trans community to have issues of gender lumped in with sexual identity when there’s still confusion about those topics in the general culture,” she says.

At the “Sexual Assault Dynamics 1” training, attendees were either volunteers fulfilling requirements to serve at domestic violence shelters, social workers involved in continuing education, or students studying to become social workers. Adkison-Stevens says that’s a common mix for the trainings, but believes anyone could benefit from the ideas and perspectives offered by the Social Change program.

That view is shared by Dara Snyder, who has recently taken over as the YWCA’s Social Change Program Manager.

Snyder says the program will soon branch out to contain an advocacy component. “We’ll expand to advocate for more just policies at a legislative level,” she says. “We’ll be working with the affected communities to lobby for legislation.”

Both Adkison-Stevens and Snyder say the program welcomes new voices who’d like to participate and add their perspectives, up to and including training presenters. These could include LGBTQ-related topics. While the Social Change program’s core, recurring topics are domestic violence and divorce, Snyder stresses there is always room for new perspectives. “I don’t want to tell the community what they need to know about,” she says. “Our program is open to what’s coming up in people’s lives, and what they want to raise awareness about.”

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September/October 2014 • 9

VOICES

NEWS

OK, HERE’S THE DEAL …

“He Died from Depression, the Same Way People Die from Cancer or Heart Disease”

By Monika MHz, PQ Monthly

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In early August something clicked with the passing of actor/comedian Robin Williams. His death sparked a national conversation on depression, suicide, and loss.

Particularly among those who were LGBT and/or queer, the conversation steered towards the depression and suicide rates in the youth and adults in our community.

A 21-year study published by Archives of General Psychiatry found that the lifetime prevalence of major depressive disorders among LGBT individuals is 71% compared to 38% in the general population. Such disorders being the primary predictor of suicidality in teens and adults, it’s no wonder it inspired the conversation it has.

If you’re a member of our community. you or someone you know has had depression touch your lives. But strangely enough, it feels like while there was a surge of interest in the topic, our shiny distractified lives have led us to leaving the story behind for the next topic de jour. Whether it’s ice buckets, hacked photos, or misogynist #GamerGaters, our attention span seems so short these days. Perhaps it’s a symptom of the blogafication of news, or the sheer volume of information at our hands, but whatever it is, any topic seems to have a hard time lasting. But well after the media lost interest in telling stories of suicide, Williams’ family will still have that spectre in their lives. Long after the condolences stopped coming, I was still stuck longing to hug my brother.

The Monday after the 2014 Portland Pride weekend, my schedule got back to normal. I’d just had a late night playing music for hundreds of shirtless dudes in a sweaty warehouse. Regular readers will know that I’ve been struggling with a depression for the last year, but surprisingly enough things kind of felt trending upward.

I didn’t quite feel as hopeless as I had in the past, and after finding regular support in counseling in February, the light at the end of the tunnel felt brighter than it had in a long time. So it was with a pretty optimistic hangover that I got a text from my mom.

I felt numb for the first minute or two, but when it hit, I felt my world shatter. I didn’t know where to look or what to feel. I did my best to hold in the tears until I could hug one of my brothers, but it felt like the second I saw him it all came rushing out. We got drunk and told stories. But more than that we talked about death and suicide. My brother felt anger. I felt betrayed and, selfishly, robbed of a guy that helped my single mom raise me. My eldest brother died by suicide, and my world will never be the same.

But in those moments after, we found ourselves saying all the wrong things to each other. Word like “selfish” or “cowardly” were

used more than once by us as we struggled to make sense of what we felt.

Just a few weeks after returning to my column after mourning, the national and local conversation on and coverage of Williams’ death brought with it so many feelings. I saw people say the same reactionary statements my brother and I had blurted out to each other in our grief.

Part of the deal this time is summed up by something my uncle said at my brother’s service that, “I believe [he] died from depression, in the same way some people die from cancer or heart disease.” And in this statement’s wickedly straightforward outlook he finds some truth that simultaneously brings peace and tears. It wasn’t that I needed answers, or that I even had questions, but I was looking for a way to articulate something that, for me, I was too connected to. A person who dies by suicide isn’t being selfish or cowardly. They are suffering from depression. Most of these people have been struggling for years, and to dismiss that struggle that can often go unsupported is a huge mistake for us to make.

On the other side, the side of compassionate coverage, a lot of what I saw went something to the tune of, “think about all of the people that love you, and if you are thinking about self-harm please call or talk to someone or seek help.” I have a lot of respect for this kind of coverage/post. It’s not reactionary, but presents itself thoughtfully and compassionate to not just those that are struggling, but also their friends and family. I think no doubt this type of coverage is helpful to those who are experiencing suicidal ideation but remain moderately lucid in their ego and self. But for many who experience major depressive episodes and disorders such lucidity isn’t always there.

When my suicidal ideation was at its peak, I felt like I would be doing my friends, family, community, and lovers a favor by dying. More than that, I felt trapped in a feeling of darkness that kept closing in and I felt like I had no way out. Out of nowhere I’d apologize to people I cared about for, I don’t know what. Most recently, if I hadn’t had a few, diminishing, moments where I broke out with lucidity, I can’t imagine that I would have felt anything but insulted by someone telling me I should talk to someone. Despite intent, I would have reformed it as disingenuous mockery from individuals who knew nothing about the real physical pain that manifested from depression.

The rest of the deal is this, I’ve lived most of my life depressed and while I’ve had a few good years, I know what the daily struggle is like. You are not alone. What you are feeling is very real. And finding someone who underOK, HERE’S THE DEAL page 12

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September/October 2014 • 11

COMMUNITY

SHAWNA CLAUSEN & STEVEN STEINBOCK NAMED MS. AND MR. OREGON STATE LEATHER TITLEHOLDERS

By Leland Carina, Special for PQ Monthly

Most people in queer circles have at least a cursory understanding of what a leather contest is. If you ask your average gay person to describe one, they might say something like “a kinky Miss America pageant.” Those of us in the leather community like to think there is a bit more to it. For instance, instead of conforming to and upholding the dominant paradigm, leather contests were born out of gay activism.

The very first such events were held in the 1970s at the Gold Coast Bar in Chicago. They were rather informal, mostly conducted to promote the bar (which is a good cause in an oppressive culture). The Gold Coast was, in fact, the very first leather bar in the United States. Activist Chuck Renslow opened it’s doors in 1958. He went on to start the International Mr. Leather contest in 1979, which still takes place every May in Chicago.

You might be surprised to find out that we have a yearly contest right here in Portland. The entire first week of August is Oregon Leather Pride week. It culminates in the Oregon State Leather Contest, which is produced by Blackout Leather Productions.

On Aug. 10, Shawna Clausen and Steven Steinbock were named our new Ms. and Mr. Oregon State Leather Titleholders.

Contests vary from state to state, but in our yearly contest the participants have a few consistent elements that they are judged on. Judges are typically a mixture of local and visiting community leaders. (I was honored to judge last year, which gave Photo by Leland Carina. me a great behind-the-scenes look.) On Friday evening of the contest, the judges, contestants, and the audience attend a meet and greet. The judges pay attention to comportment: how the contestants socialize and carry themselves. On Saturday there is a closed formal interview, during which the contestants show off their bar wear and answer a range of questions about leather history, their organizing skills, and their own lives. Saturday evening brings the contest proper, which includes a speech in formal wear, a fantasy, and a pop question in hot wear. Pop questions are written by the judges and are meant to put the contestant on the spot, challenging them to come up with a humorous and sexy answer. The previous year’s outgoing title holders get a chance to thank the community and pass their titles on. At the end of the evening the new titleholders are introduced.

There is also usually a category for a bootblack. This year we did not have any contestants in this category, though many of our past winners have gone on to win international titles. You might be asking, “What is bootblacking?” Think of shoe-shining, but with sexy fun times (negotiated and consensually) included.

Next year the Oregon State Title family will also see the addition of a pup contest. Pups are those who enjoy dressing up in pup gear and connecting with their inner canine. There’s quite an active pup community in Portland.

If you want to learn more, keep an eye out for a group called PDXPAH (Portland Pups and Handlers.)

In addition to IML and IMsL there are many other international titles.

In fact, two of our past local title holders will be running during American Brotherhood Weekend coming up in October. This contest has been held in Chicago since 1989 and is celebrating its 25th anniversary this year. Stormy Styles will be running for Leatherwoman and Dominic Chevalier will be running for Leatherman. Tobin Britton, who is both a past local title holder and a past American Leatherwoman, will be a judge for the contest this year.

So, let’s find out more about this year’s title holders!

PQ: What were you most proud of during the run for your title?

Steinbock: The support and love from the community, friends, chosen family, and my family, which is my partner, Bill, and our two boys, Aaron and Conor.

Clausen: The courage to tell myself that there’s nothing to be afraid of, that I can do this.

PQ: What are you working on for your upcoming year?

Steinbock: I have a few events planned with other community titleholders to raise money for the charities we have selected to support. I also want to support others with their events and do some traveling.

12 • September/October 2014

PQ: What local organizations will you be working with?

Clausen: I’m hoping to work closely with Q Center and Basic Rights Oregon.

PQ: Do you have a charity for this year? If so, what is it?

Steinbock: I selected the Oregon AIDS Memorial Project. Oregon AIDS Memorial Inc. is a coalition of individuals and organizations dedicated to the recognition and preservation of the history of the AIDS crisis. This organization is working to build a memorial to honor Oregon’s men, women, and children who have died from AIDS, as well as to commemorate and celebrate the efforts of the caregivers and activists who responded to fight the disease, and to recognize the ongoing crisis.

It will be the third public memorial in the nation along with one in New York and the other in San Francisco.

PQ: Do you plan to go on to run for an international title?

Clausen: Yes, I plan to run for International Ms. Leather in 2016 in San Jose, Calif.

Steinbock: Yes, I will be traveling to Chicago in May 2015 to compete in IML. IML is an international conference and contest for leathermen from all over the world and also the biggest leather fetish event in the world. It is celebrating its 37th year this coming May. PQ: What was your favorite outfit for the weekend?

Clausen: My formal outfit was comprised of a leather corset with silver grommets and ribbon, a silver satin bustle with burgundy satin lining, along with a short black skirt, my pair of 20-eye Doc Martens, and a pretty black lace bra.

Steinbock: I have a leather California Highway Patrol uniform with motorcycle boots that I put together. It is complete with name plate, actual patches, and an authentic CHiP badge that took me a long time to locate, but was worth all the time it took. I enjoy wearing it most out of all my gear; it is truly a crowd pleaser.

PQ: To what resources would you point someone new and curious?

Steinbock: Ask around the community, plus check in at Q Center on Mississippi Ave. in North Portland. When I became involved in leather everyone that I met was nice, helpful, and supportive. There are also a couple of books to read, my standbys are “The Leatherman’s Handbook”

by Larry Townsend and “The Complete Leatherboy Handbook” by boy Vincent L. Andrews.

Clausen: Leatherati.com (which is a worldwide leather and kink community website), FetLife.com (which is a kinky social networking site), and the local munches. Munches are non-intimidating social gatherings of kinky people.

PQ: What was the most emotionally challenging part of your run?

Clausen: Explaining a very personal story to the judges during my interview and trying hard not to fall apart and recognizing that even though I was petrified in sharing it, I had to tell my story.

PQ: Did anything surprise you about becoming a title holder?

Clausen: Yes, that the leather community was even larger than I imagined and that almost every single person I’ve met has welcomed me with open arms, hugs, and kisses.

I’d like to wrap up with a huge congratulations to Stormy Styles, Bill Westervelt, and Dara, who did a fantastic job as the 2013 title family. You all left a legacy that will be hard to live up to!

Come spend some time with Steinbock, Clausen, and myself at Queer Leather Dinner on Sept. 24, from7 to 9 p.m. at Crush Bar, 1400 SE Morrison St. Leather and gear is encouraged, but everyone is welcome.

For a great educational event, check out Talking Kink on Sept. 27, from 7 to 9 p.m. at Q Center, 4115 N Mississippi Ave. If you want to learn more about pups up close and personal, you can attend Pup Mosh on Sept. 5, starting at 5 p.m. at the Portland Eagle, 835 N Lombard St. For a full article on the Oregon State Leather Contest weekend, plus photos, please check out: http://www.leatherati.com/2014/08/oregonleather-pride-2014. For a full article, plus photos, of this year’s pup contest: http://www.leatherati.com/2014/02/oregon-puppy-contest-2014/. For more information about local events, check out PDXKinkEvents.com.

OK, HERE’S THE DEAL Continued from page 10

stands and finding real help is the real way out. Losing my brother was the most sorrowful thing I’ve ever felt in my life, so if I could do one thing in his name, it would be to remind the world, and the community, that despite what you might tell yourself, despite what you might believe the rest of the world thinks, you are valuable and amazing and deserving of love and compassion. And it’s because you truly do deserve those things that help is there for you.

I love you Casey.

If you or someone you know exhibits warning signs of suicide: Do not leave the person alone. Remove any firearms, alcohol, drugs or sharp objects that could be used in a suicide attempt.

Call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) and/or take the person to an emergency room or seek help from a medical or mental health professional.

Warning Signs of Suicide • Talking about wanting to die, • Looking for a way to kill oneself, • Talking about feeling hopeless or having no purpose, • Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain • Talking about being a burden to others, • Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs • Acting anxious, agitated or recklessly, • Sleeping too little or too much, • Withdrawing or feeling isolated, • Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge, • Displaying extreme mood swings: The more of these signs a person shows, the greater the risk.

Warning signs are associated with suicide but may not be what causes a suicide.

Monika MHz is a queer trans Latina who makes her way as a Portlandbased House music producer/DJ, activist, and writer. Practicing radical love through music, she believes in the transformative nature of music and its real substantive and cultural power to save lives. You can find Monika online at monikamhz.com and @MonikaMHz. pqmonthly.com

TRANSITIONS

VOICES FEATURES

YES, I’LL MARRY YOU! 5 QUESTIONS TO ANSWER NEXT

By Holly Pruett, Life-Cycle Celebrant

When Judge McShane overturned Oregon’s same-sex marriage ban, it was the culmination, for me, of 26 years in the trenches.

I came out just months before the first statewide antigay initiative in 1988. I threw myself into that campaign and every subsequent statewide ballot fight, serving as deputy campaign manager for the third round in 1994 and helping to form Basic Rights Oregon. I recruited the very first lesbian couple to marry in Oregon in 2004.

Over the past four years, I’ve served as a consultant to Freedom to Marry while starting to work with couples and families more directly. As a Life-Cycle Celebrant, I create and officiate unique, personalized ceremonies honoring births, deaths, and everything in between.

One of my greatest joys is to stand beside gay and lesbian couples to say these hard-won words: “By the power vested in me by the state of Oregon...”

Couples who engage me to marry them know that a wedding is more than a party. When you set aside the details of décor and DJs, it comes down to this: what are the two of you committing to? Here are five questions to help you make your wedding ceremony a perfect expression of who you are and what you mean to each other.

1. What does marriage mean to you? I’ve been married three times – all to the same woman. Many of us created commitment ceremonies back before legal weddings were conceivable. We married in those few weeks before Measure 36 declared us “null and void.” By the time of the historic ruling, we already felt like an old married couple.

For some, the opportunity to marry is primarily a formality.

Having long committed to each other, these couples want a simple way to confirm their legal status. For others, planning

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a thoughtful ceremony represents a do-over to the hurried, cookie cutter wedding conducted during the brief window in 2004. And then there are the newly-paired lovebirds.

What about you? Is your wedding threshold at the beginning of your journey together? Or a celebration of many years

of road-tested commitment? Will it be a renewal of vows you’ve made to each other before, or a chance to newly consider the question of what you’re pledging to each other?

2. Who will marry you? Clergy and judge used to be your only options and they still suit many of us. Others have a best friend do the honors. Wedding Celebrants like me are secular ceremony experts who can help you create a ceremony as unique as the two of you, customizing every word to reflect your love story, your values, your community. Do you want someone to simply officiate the ceremony or to work with you as a creative partner? Do you thrive on the risks and rewards of a DIY approach or do you want the support of a professional with countless weddings-worth of experience?

3. What will you pledge to each other? Vows are often the last thing a couple gets to after wrangling over guest lists and catering menus. But these promises, likely the most intimate words you’ll speak in public, are truly the heart of the matter. You can each write your own, revealing them at the altar, or write them together (there’s no better values clarification exercise). You can get some great examples off the web or from your Celebrant. Give yourselves plenty of time and see what you can learn about each other through the process!

4. Will you involve your community? If you’re inviting more than the two-witness minimum, it’s because the presence of your community means something to you.

How will you express that? A few special people might recite a reading, offer a piece of music. The wisdom of those whose relationships you respect can be written on ribbons that encircle you, to be consulted later when the going gets tough. Everyone can be involved through a ring warming or a community pledge of support. Get creative and find a ritual of connection that reflects you and your peeps.

5. How will you include those not present? Weddings are one of those times when those not present can be felt as deeply as those in the room. Whether deceased, estranged or unsupportive, or unable to attend due to illness or other circumstance, there may be missing loved ones who are on your minds. Find a way to honor their absence, even if privately. More public acknowledgement can take the form of an empty chair, a memory candle, a photo displayed discreetly.

Here’s to a heart-felt celebration of what really matters, expressed through a ceremony as unique as you.

Holly can be reached at: http://www.hollypruettcelebrant.com/.

September/October 2014 • 13

FEATURE

VOICES

ID CHECK Everyday Transphobia

By Leela Ginelle, PQ Monthly

LIFE IS GOOD. ENJOY THE RIDE!

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I recently attended a one-person show titled “Pansy,” by gay writer-performer Evan Johnson. I had interviewed Johnson via email prior to the show to help publicize his visit from San Francisco.

The play ran for an hour, but I checked out of it mentally at around the 35-minute point, when Johnson’s character Peter Pansy for, in my eyes, no real reason, used the slur “tr-nny.” From that point on, triggered, I alternately meditated on my anger, the seeming entitlement certain male entertainers feel about using the word many trans women consider the most dehumanizing to our identities, and the word’s odd power to send me into lengthy, irretrievable rages.

At times I stared at the set, and at others I shot daggers at the performer. I considered leaving, but didn’t, as my guest seemed to be enjoying himself.

In the three-and-a-half years since I started transitioning, I’ve almost never witnessed a trans woman, even in private, use a homophobic slur. On the occasions it’s happened, it’s almost always been in a reactionary rage at a gay celebrity’s use of the t-slur.

If I were to guess why certain gay men thoughtlessly use language so hurtful to trans women, while trans women in turn conscientiously abstain from doing so toward gay men, I would assume it’s because the gay rights movement has enjoyed public awareness for so long, that all people have become sensitized to homophobic language and its effects, while such education is still occurring around trans rights.

Talking about these issues is never fun, nor are evenings like the one I spent at “Pansy.” I almost always desire not to bring up things like these that hurt me, because bringing them up means being vulnerable, and sharing with people what’s important to me, when it’s unclear who will share my viewpoint.

Stronger than the desire to protect myself, though, is the desire to make things better for myself, my community, and, I believe, everyone, by promoting equality for LGBTQ people.

A year ago, I wrote about the homophobia and transphobia present in Post5 Theatre’s production of “The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged).” I did so to warn our readers and to vent my frustration.

Having experienced a lifetime of anti-queer “humor,” and having grown up in a home where complaints of that kind were never met with redress, I held little hope that my

comments would lead to change.

I was proved wrong, though, as the company’s artistic directors invited me to talk about the positive c h a n g e s t h e y ’d made for this year’s staging of the show, and to discuss their intention to reach out to Portland’s LGBTQ community. Knowing that inviting Johnson to perform “Pansy” here was a part of that intent, an intent that had made me so happy when I heard it, made my experience at the show all the more murky.

When, as a critic, I raised concerns about language and humor insensitive to our community and our readers, the company responded by bringing in a performer from our community who used language more inflammatory toward an identity in our community to which he does not belong than any the company had used in their show.

Johnson has a right, of course, to use any word he likes, just as I have the freedom to voice my exception to his choices.

My exception is the same one trans women have been raising around this issue since it’s arisen: I’m tired of having the word that’s been used as hate speech to harass me, the word that’s the last some trans women hear before they’re killed, in a work of entertainment by a community member, and I’d like it stop.

One could ask, as I often do myself, “Is this so important that it deserves my time, energy, and column space?” In the end, I believe it is. What I write about, whether it’s my history as a sexual-assault survivor, transgender inequality, or the transphobia I encounter around me, are the things I have trouble voicing in the world.

When I can’t voice something in the world, I believe it’s something that has to be said somewhere. Having grown up in a house of secrets, and in a culture where my identity was taboo, saying what needs to be said has become a kind of compulsive reflex for me.

For a time, it was as though I was screaming so loud I never thought to check whether anyone was listening.

Looking back, and seeing so much positive change for trans people in so short a time, it’s as though I’ve been riding a wave, and I don’t know where my voice stopped and the world’s ears began, but I can already hear myself growing softer, as though I’m talking to a friend at last.

Leela Ginelle is a playwright and journalist living in Portland, OR. You can write her at leela@pqmonthly.com. pqmonthly.com

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September/October 2014 • 15

COMMUNITY

TOWN CRIER: COMMUNITY ANNOUNCEMENTS! File this under great, spectacular news--Oregon Health & Science University researchers have received a $25 million grant from the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation to advance work on a promising vaccine candidate that may someday prevent or cure infection with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. The grant—awarded to a team of scientists at OHSU’s Vaccine and Gene Therapy Institute led by Louis Picker, M.D.— is among the largest philanthropic grants OHSU has ever received.

The work of Picker and his colleagues focuses on a potential vaccine that shows promise in not only preventing the HIV Big news in the fight against HIV (left), and Equity honors our city’s fire chief (right). virus from establishing infection PQ would like to take a moment to recognize this year’s in exposed, uninfected individuals, but also possibly eliminating the virus from people who are already infected. Equity Foundation “Equity Award” recipients, who be recPicker and his colleagues published research in the jour- ognized during the Equity Awards Soiree on Saturday, nal Nature last year that detailed how their vaccine can- November 8, 2014 at the University Club in downtown didate protected monkeys given the simian immunode- Portland: Kurt Beadell is co-owner and creative director ficiency virus — or SIV, the non-human primate version of Vibrant Table Catering & Events. He helms this small of HIV. The vaccine stopped the infection from spreading business through which he quietly helps many LGBTQ and then cleared it from the bodies of half of the monkeys causes (e.g., Our House, Cascade Aids Project and Equity Foundation, among many others). Kurt’s generosity seems it was tested on.

“In effect, we helped better arm the hunters in the body to never stop; he donates personally to several causes and to chase down and kill an elusive viral enemy,” Picker said. contributes greatly with in-kind support thought Vibrant “And we’re quite confident that this vaccine approach can Table.

The heartbreaking impact of AIDS/HIV motivated Kurt work exactly the same way against HIV in humans.” The National Institutes of Health cited Picker’s research among to become personally involved in the fight against this devastating disease and he currently sits on the board of its “promising medical advances” of 2013.

Last year, more than 35 million people throughout the Cascade Aids Project, an organization whose mission is to world were living with HIV, according to the World Health prevent HIV infections, and support and empower people Organization. While the annual number of new HIV infec- affected and infected by HIV/AIDS. He has been an active tions has declined in recent years, an estimated 2.1 mil- contributor to Cascade AIDS Project and Our House for over lion people were newly infected with the virus last year. 21 years. His involvement with HIV/AIDS organizations as And while antiretroviral drug therapy has also steadily a philanthropist, volunteer, and a leader has made him a decreased the number of AIDS-related deaths in recent champion for social equity and generosity in the commuyears, an estimated 1.5 million people still died from AIDS nity overall exemplifies the standards set forth by Equity Foundation. last year, according to the WHO. Paul Justin Carlos Southwick is a native Oregonian and “I am humbled yet incredibly excited by the confidence the Gates Foundation is showing in our work,” said Picker, an attorney at Davis Wright Tremaine LLP. He graduated from who is associate director of the Vaccine and Gene Therapy George Fox University and received his law degree from the Institute and director of its vaccine development program. University of Michigan Law School. While in college, Paul “This generous level of support is a game-changer in how spent two years in a reparative therapy program at the University’s strong suggestion. Those experiences led him to be we can make real progress to defeat HIV and AIDS.”

a co-founder of OneGeorgeFox, an organization composed of LGBTQ and allied alumni from George Fox University.

Currently, Paul is representing Jayce M. in a housing dispute over gender identity at George Fox University. Jayce is a student who identifies as male and wants to live with a group of male friends.

However, the college considers him a woman and turned down his request. Jayce, who grew up in Portland and describes himself as deeply committed to his faith, began his transition to male more than a year ago. Both Paul and Jayce are at the forefront of one of our community’s most pressing and current issues.

Chief Erin Janssens has been selected as the honoree of this year’s Equity Awards. Her role as Fire Chief as an out lesbian exemplifies the standards set forth by Equity Foundation and brings pride to the community. When Fire Chief Erin Janssens joined Portland Fire & Rescue (PF&R) in 1988, she was one of two female firefighters out of some 700. She worked her way up, earning the respect of colleagues and was promoted to lieutenant, then captain, then battalion chief, then fire marshal. In 2012 she was sworn in as Fire Chief. She’s the first female fire chief in Portland’s history and she is one of the highest ranking lesbians at the City of Portland. She has always put a special focus on making sure women have the same opportunities in the fire service as men and has paved the way for new generations of female firefighters to join PF&R. Her involvement as a philanthropist, volunteer, and a leader has made her a champion for social equity.

--Daniel Borgen (compiled from press releases)

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GET OUT! VOICES

PQ PICKS

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 20 Meet Evelyn. Evelyn is a feeling…The feeling that you get when you step out into the electric night air for a night on the town. Evelyn is the flutter in your stomach when you witness something daring. Evelyn is the encore and the applause. She’s the invite to the after-party. Evelyn is that smile on your face when you make eyes from across the room. It’s the magnetic field that pulls you under the lights and urges your body to move to the rhythm. To live.

Evelyn is a disco ball. A stage. A night. A kiss. An Installation. A muse. A revelation. A crush. A runway. An escape.

A dance floor. The spark that ignites your imagination and carries you onward to break the dawn. http://pica.org/ event/chanticleer-tru/ SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 21 A very special matinee performance of triangle productions! current production of “Tick, Tick…Boom!” Before the revolutionary rock musical Rent, Jonathan Larson had another story to tell... his own. “Tick, Tick...BOOM!” is a rock musical about facing crossroads in life and holding on to your dreams that was first produced off Broadway in 2001. It tells the story of young Jonathan, a promising young composer on the eve of his 30th birthday. His girlfriend wants to get married and move out of the city (tick); his best friend is making big bucks on Madison Avenue (tick); and he’s still waiting tables and trying to write the great American musical before time, and life, passes him by (BOOM!). A portion of the proceeds from this show will be donated to Our House. There will be a question and answer section for the performance. Ticket info: https://app.arts-people.com/index.php?preseason=tri.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 24 Queer Leather Dinner! Co-hosted by Steven Steinbock and Shawna Clausen—Mr. and Ms. Oregon Leather. Photography by Leland Carina. This event is intended for everyone who self-identifies as Leather and any shade of Queer, or is interested and wishes to learn more. Queer Leather visitors from out of town are encouraged to attend as well. Please help spread the word. Let’s build the Queer Leather community in Portland! Please also feel welcome to attend without food purchase to join the conversation. 7pm, Crush, 1400 SE Morrison.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 25 You’ll be spending much of September at Crush: Join Butch Voices and Oakland-based, gender-bending clothier, Saint Harridan for an extended Happy Hour at Crush Bar, and (an even happier hour) of Swagger: A Hot and Dapper Fashion Show! Swagger will feature Saint Harridan’s off-the-rack “men’s” style suits, local designer, Dapper D Fashions’ everyday masculine edge styles, and the tunes of DJ Wildfire (Hot Flash Dances, Portland, Oregon) setting the beat for the night.

The fashion show will showcase Portland winners of the Saint Harridan Pop-Up Tour Model Contest wearing Saint Harridan’s Lyon Suits, re-engineered to fit women and transmen. 7:30pm, Crush, 1400 SE Morrison. $5.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 25 THROUGH SEPTEMBER 28 At Milagro: Words That Burn brings to life the distinctive

voices of conscientious objector William Stafford, Japanese-American internee Lawson Inada, and Chicano Marine Guy Gabaldón. This dramatic work juxtaposes the history and perspectives of three World War II figures through a blend of poetry and monologue written in their own words. Each performance will be preceded or followed by a community event free and open to the public.

Audiences have an opportunity to experience Words That Burn at four public performances: Thursday, September 25, 2014, 8:00 PM; Friday, September 26, 8:00 PM; Saturday, September 27, 8:00 PM; Sunday, September 28, 2:00 PM. Performances are held at Milagro Theatre, 525 SE Stark Street in Portland. Part of Milagro’s 2014 La Luna Nueva festival.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 26 Chicken Strip! Disco Disco Disco freaks...this is all you gurrll! Sergio Fedasz from Go BANG! will be joining as guest DJ this time around. You have one job: Sweat your gay ass soul right out on the dance floor... Just do IT. ////Dress to express, release yourselves to the disco goddesses, tip the queens and kings////. 9:30pm, Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE Eleventh. $5.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 27 Blow Pony’s end of summer Love Ball: Featuring PDX’s own House of LOVE: Stacy Stl Lisa, Shitney Houston, DJ Hold My Hand, Gula Delgatto, Michael Shaw Talley, Chanticleer Tru, and Wolfgang Sebastian III: Calling all kiki gods and goddesses, Love Ball is coming to Blow Pony and they are ready to see you WERK! So put on your best color of shade and get your houses in order, because BLOWPONY! is going to be looking real cute.

Whether she’s BORN WITH IT or whether it’s MAYBELLINE, honey, they want it all on their runway We’ve seen some fierce queens and kings walk our runway before, but BLOWPONY!—night of the beautiful, of the free, of the queerdos and x-tube heroes—is our wet dream and it is CUMIN’ all ovah me and u. So dust off those wigs and heels, paint on that beard, and get your look in order inspired ones…It’s time for you to walk the runway. 9pm, Rotture, 315 SE Third. $5.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 28 Join the Homomentum Boyband! The Homomentum Boyband is launching a spin-off music project, and auditioning for new members! We are looking for queer masculine-of-center folks: dykes, bois, studs, tomboys, dandies, fags, butches, transguys and genderqueers who can sing and dance. Bonus points if you play a musical instrument or beat box. Must be at least 21 years old to apply. If interested, send a picture/headshot, performance resume plus either an audio or video recording of yourself singing to boyband@pantsoffpdx.com by Sunday, Sept 21st. If you play a musical instrument, please send a sample of yourself playing as well. If we think you might be a good fit, we’ll invite you to group auditions, happening Sunday, September 28th from 1pm-4pm at In Other Words, 14 NE Killingsworth St. (They are looking to include a diverse group of masculine-of-center queers, and encourage people of color, and folks with a wide range of body types and MOC genders to apply.)

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23: Celebrate Bisexuality Day is all day and happens to be the same day as Portland’s monthly bi/pan group, which goes down every fourth Tuesday at Q Center. This experiment in bi community building is open to all ages and all identities. Postgroup meeting, everyone who is over 21 years of age will be mobbing Mississippi Studios and Bar Bar for an evening of revelry and libations. This is scheduled to begin around 8:45 — look for the tables with the flags. There will also be a bi feature on KBOO that day at 6pm — hear about events, plans, marches; you name it, they’ll probably talk about it. (Bi/Pan group, 7pm, Q Center, a short saunter to and from Mississippi Studios and Bar Bar.)

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FEATURES Want more? We’ll give you everything. Head over to pqmonthly.com and check out our online calendar of events, submit your own events, and peruse photos from your reporters-about-town. Also, remember to carefully examine our weekly weekend forecast — with the latest and greatest events — each Wednesday (sometimes Thursday), online only.

--DANIEL BORGEN

DANCE IT OUT FIRST SUNDAYS Bridge Club. A slew of stellar deejays play music on the city’s most treasured patio. Old Boys Club regularly welcomes special guests. Snack, mingle, get down. Bridge club is delighted about its permanent new home— Vendetta! 3pm, Vendetta, 4306 N Williams. Free (On hiatus until Spring.)

EVERY SUNDAY. Superstar Divas. Bolivia Carmichaels, Honey Bea Hart, Topaz Crawford, Isaiah Tillman, and guest stars perform your favorite pop, Broadway, and country hits. Dance floor opens after the show. The Drag Queen Hunger Games are over, and the shows must go on! Check out the newest and freshest Diva hits. 8pm, CC Slaughters, 219 NW Davis. Free!

FIRST THURSDAYS Hip Hop Heaven. Bolivia Carmichaels hosts this hip-hopheavy soiree night every Thursday night at CCs. Midnight guest performers and shows. 9pm, CC Slaughters, 219 NW Davis. Free.

FIRST SATURDAYS Sugar Town. DJ Action Slacks. Keywords: Soul, polyester. 9pm, The Spare Room, 4830 NE 42. $5.

SECOND THURSDAYS I’ve Got a Hole in My Soul. Three keywords, the most important being: DJ Beyondadoubt. Others: soul, shimmy. 9pm, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. $5.

SECOND TUESDAYS Bi Bar—every second Tuesday at Crush, and it’s an open, bi-affirming space for music and mingling. Correction: Bi/Pan/Fluid/Queer. 8pm, Crush, 1400 SE Morrison.

SECOND FRIDAYS Slo Jams is a Queer Modern R&B & Neo Soul Dance Night at Local Lounge. DJ II TRILL (TWERK) and DJ MEXXX-TAPE lay down everything from Mary J // Jagged Edge// Keyshia to Badu//Lauryn Etc. 10pm, Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. $5.

SECOND SATURDAYS Hot Flash: Inferno. (Second and Fourth Saturdays) In the heart of Portland is where the women are—dancing the night away and burning up dance floors the second and fourth Saturdays of every month at Trio. Welcoming all women, queers, and their allies. 6pm-10pm, Trio, 909 E. Burnside.

Mrs.: The queen of theme welcomes its new hostess, KajAnne Pepper! And dynamic DJ duo: Beyondadoubt and Ill Camino. Costumes, photo booths, all the hits. 10pm, Mississippi Studios, 3939 N. Mississippi. $5.

SECOND SUNDAYS Beat It at Black Book: A beautiful new queer night all for you at one of the city’s most exciting new(ish) venues.

OCTOBER 2 THROUGH OCTOBER 5: We are so excited to see all of you again this year at EDEN PNW! We are going back to where it all started, Seaside, OR for a weekend getaway you will not forget.

Seaside is a gorgeous town on the Oregon Coast. Once you land at the host hotel, everywhere you need to be is within short walking distance from all the venues for EDEN PNW events plus delicious places to eat, shop and play. And for one weekend in October full of lesbians, queers and a rainbow of people from the LGBT community and our allies. So make sure you join us—we have a full weekend of fun, relaxation and socializing just for you. Purchase weekend passes at http://bit.ly/edenpnw.

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A monthly event celebrating everything from beards and tattoos to butch queens. Mark your calendars: second Sundays. Hosted by JC Powers, killer deejays. 7pm, Black Book, 20 NW Third.

THIRD WEDNESDAYS Comedy at Crush: Belinda Carroll and a slew of locals rustle up some funny. Special guests, and Crush’s signature cocktail and food menus. Donations, sliding scale.

(Comics have to eat and drink, too, so give!) 9pm, Crush, 1400 SE Morrison.

THIRD THURSDAYS Polari. Troll in for buvare. Back-in-the-day language, music, and elegance. An ease-you-into-the-weekend mixer. Bridge Club boys make the music. Bridge and tunnel patrons have no idea what to do with us when we pour in. Hint: it’s always the Thursday we go to press.

What serendipitous fortune! 10pm, Vault, 226 NW 12.

Free.

THIRD FRIDAYS Ruthless! Eastside deluxe. DJs Ill Camino, Rhienna. Come welcome new resident deejay Rhienna and listen to the fiercest jams all night long. Keyword: cha cha heels.

10pm, Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. $3.

THIRD SATURDAYS Burlescape! Burlesque & boylesque wrapped in a taste of tease! Zora Phoenix, Isaiah Esquire, Tod Alan. (And there’s more than that, kids.) Zora is a treat and a treasure—and so are her shows. Try one out! 9pm, Crush, 1400 SE Morrison. $10.

Gaycation: DJ Charming always welcomes special guests. Be early so you can actually get a drink.

Sweaty deliciousness, hottest babes. THE party. Yes, boys, even you can hit on Mr. Charming. We know you want to. 9pm, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. $5.

FOURTH FRIDAYS Twerk. DJs ILL Camino and II Trill. Keywords: bring your twerk. The city’s longest-running queer hip hop/R&B party--where artists, deejays, performers come to mix, mingle, and move on the dance floor. Established fun, all night long. 9pm, Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. $5.

FOURTH SATURDAYS Blow Pony. Two giant floors. Wide variety of music, plenty of room for dancing. Rowdy, crowdy, sweaty betty, the one tried and true, even after all these years. 9pm, Rotture/Branx, 315 SE 3. $5.

LAST THURSDAYS Laid Out, Bridgetown’s newest gay dance party. Seriously, the posters read: “gay dance party.” And oh, how it’s a gay dance party. Thursdays are a real thing again. Deejays Gossip Cat and Pocket Rock-It, with photos by Eric Sellers. 9pm, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. $3 after 10pm.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 10: Ignite!

(Basic Rights Oregon’s annual gala.)

Mark your calendars for the event of the year. Don’t miss this exciting opportunity to celebrate a monumental year for LGBT equality and to honor those who played a significant role in the work to make 2014 one for the history books. For $250 you can join Basic Rights for an intimate evening at the IGNITE’s VIP Dinner – seats are limited so buy your tickets right away. Tickets for the Main Event are only $100 for a night of entertainment, spectacular food and drink, memorable special recognitions, and music to keep you dancing.

5:30/7:30pm, Portland Art Museum, 1219 SW Park Avenue.

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September/October 2014 • 17

FEATURES FEATURE

THE MANKIND PROJECT: INITATION AND SELF-ACTUALIZATION FOR ALL MEN

By Nick Mattos, PQ Monthly

The local chapter of an international men’s group aims to bring local men self-actualization through initiation into “mature masculinity” — and is planning a GBTQ-specific workshop in the area to facilitate more men finding their own self-actualization.

The ManKind Project was formed in 1984 by the rather unlikely trio of therapist Bill Kauth, university professor Ron Hering, and former Marine Corps officer Rich Tosi. Influenced by the mythopoetic men’s movement — an approach to considering the psychological and social health of men in the light of mythology and social justice articulated by authors such as Robert Bly — the trio sought to reinstitute what they felt to be a lost tradition of initiation amongst men. The tradition of male initiation is in no way alien to the West, nor to modern American life; as just one example, as recently as 1950 one out of every twelve American men participated in the initiatic tradition of Freemasonry. However, as the founders of the MKP saw it, the decline of clear rites of passage in modern society resulted in adult males who were still trapped in a state of perpetual boyhood.

To recreate this initiatory experience in a modern idiom, the ManKind Project developed the New Warrior Training Adventure, a weekend-long residential workshop structured as a period of self-reflection and initiation into mature masculinity. Closely following the monomyth or “hero’s journey” articulated by mythologist Joseph Campbell, the experiential weekend includes periods described by the MKP as “The Call, Separation, Descent, Ordeal, Initiation, Integration, and Celebration.” The content of these experiences is kept secret in order to protect the experi-

ential nature of the processes; participants are required to sign confidentiality contracts barring them from speaking about what occurs on the New Warrior Training Adventure.

However, a huge percentage of the 51,000 men who have participated in the weekend training enthusiastically describe the NWTA — and the “integration groups” that form of workshop alumni — as a life-changing experience of self-actualization, healing, and integration.

“The experience was transformative for me, says Adam Cummings, a Vancouver-based consultant and NWTA participant. “I remember going into it with my brothers’ guidance to ‘trust the process,’ and I did just that. I discovered a sense of strength, learned how much power there was in my vulnerability and in speaking something that was true for me that I would have otherwise held inside. I witnessed other men expressing emotion in an authentic and raw way that I’d never seen before in my life, and was deeply moved.”

The MKP is a consciously and intentionally diverse organization, with a huge number of gay, bisexual, queer, and transgender-identified men participating in and serving as leaders for the NWTA. In celebration of this — and to further open up participation for men who may feel uncomfortable doing a mixed workshop with both queer and nonqueer men — the Pacific Northwest chapter of the Mankind Project will host their first training adventure aimed specifically at GBTQ men this October.

“The concept of the GBTQ Gateway Weekend originated about ten years ago,” explains Ken Bonnin, a local MKP leader. “The idea is that the men going through the weekend as well as the staff facilitating the weekend are primarily gay, bisexual, queer, and transgender-identified. It creates a safe container for men who just aren’t comfortable doing deep, personal work in a group that is often primar-

ily straight, cisgender men.” Bonnin emphatically points out that queer-identified men are welcomed and valued at all NWTA weekends, and that beyond the demographic outreach, the GBTQ Gateway Weekend does not differ at all in programming from any other NWTA workshop. However, he sees this offering as an experience that benefits both the participants and the MKP organization. “What the Gateway does for this organization is to enrich and deepen it,” he states, “and also to also bring along a group of men who are often left behind in culture — namely gay, bi, and trans men.”

Many queer MKP participants feel that the skills they learned through the training are of critical importance to the queer community at large. “The gay community in our current culture has been influenced by the principles of deceit and shame — hiding out and expose your ‘true self’ only when it’s safe,” says Cummings. “As much as that is changing, it is still for many a core aspect of existence. I believe this work is important for the larger gay community because in its core this work teaches men to act and speak outside of the facade they usually wear,” explains Cummings. “This is very valuable in the hetero-normative community, certainly, but in my experience, there are a lot of facades in the gay community. Sometimes it’s like a double-whammy of having two men, who don’t usually do a whole lot of expressing emotions in our culture, in one relationship.”

“If you get even a small piece of the value I got out of this training, I believe your life will be improved dramatically,” says Cummings. “You don’t have to be broken or in crisis in your life to take a deeper look inside. Still, though, this work isn’t for everyone. If you’re interested, trust your own intuition.”

New Warrior Training Adventure weekends are planned for Southern Oregon on September 12-14 and Washougal, WA on November 14-16; the GBTQ Gateway Weekend is planned for October 3-5 in Washougal. For more information, rates, and registration, visit ManKindProject.org.

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18 • September/October 2014

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pqmonthly.com

VOICES

PERS{ECTOVES

Pretty And Witty And Gay Guard Our Rights!

By Belinda Carroll, PQ Monthly

Today, kats and kittens, I started my period. I know, ew! Why would you bring that up? Can’t you use a euphemism? Like, Aunt Ruby came to town, or it’s Shark Week, or I’m feeling Satan’s Cotton Fingers, or whatever the kids are saying? Sure, I could.

But the larger question is; how are we supposed to have a conversation about female reproductive rights if we can’t talk about one of the most basic things about being a female assigned at birth? (Mostly.)

When I was a kid, my brothers controlled that conversation. “Ew geez, Belinda,” they would bellow if confronted with it (I’ve always had a big mouth). Our family was largely female, but yet the conversation was controlled by how boys and men felt about our talk (my Mom was Southern). I have found that this is a common feeling among men (that I know).

Now, consider that 83% of Congress and the Senate are men and the US Supreme Court is 77% men and they are the people making the rules about women’s bodies.

People get fired for saying ‘vagina,’ even biology teachers. Which seems weird, like being fired for saying ‘gluteus maximus’ instead of ‘tushie.’ For this, picture a meeting in any school in Anytown, USA. “Mr. Banfield, we have had reports that you are using the word ‘femur’ in the classroom. We’d like you to use the general word ‘leg bone.’ Yes, we realize there are 7 types of leg bones, but the parents are concerned that knowing what ‘femurs’ are for will lead to extramarital soccer.’ It makes no sense. I’ve never been accused of extramarital soccer and I’ve known what femurs are for since I was 11. And I’m a lesbian, which has to skew the odds in favor of me knowing about soccer.

I don’t know how closely you pay attention to the rulings of the US Supreme Court.

I would suggest ‘closely’ be your answer, unless you like your civil liberties up for grabs like a ‘let’s change the constitution’ version of Pin The Tail on The Justice.

They’ve made a lot of decisions recently that personally affect me. Defense of Marriage Act was struck down (yay!) the Voting Civil Rights Act was amended (boo!), and perhaps most importantly, in Burwell vs.

Hobby Lobby. Hobby Lobby won their case using religious exemption to deny birth control to female employees under the Affordable Healthcare Act (commonly known as Obamacare) (double boo).

But why Belinda, do you care about that ruling since you’ve been a lesbian as long as you’ve had uterus, so birth control isn’t an issue? Well, glittertits, it’s because exemptions based on religion are a slippery slope (no pun).

Let’s start with the fact the Hobby Lobby

CEO David Green provided birth control until Obamacare said it was mandated.

Which screams of a person trying to lampoon the liberals. Because why else would you reverse a long standing rule, when a law you disagree with goes into effect? The fact remains that the major religion in the United States is Christianity.

Now, before you start pulling out the ways I am going to hell, I don’t have an issue with Christianity. I believe that people have the right to worship as they choose. But, would this ruling be different if the complainants were Buddhist, or Muslim? I would have to think so, considering the current attitude about other religions. The other issue is that people, who are adhering to the confines of precedent to be sure, will bring up religious exemption to bring up things that they are merely against on ‘moral’ grounds. Of course they will, that’s what legal precedent is for.

Case in point, recently a student who was seeking on-campus housing at George Fox University was denied based on—you guessed it—the kind of thinking that propelled the Hobby Lobby decision. And now, precedent has been set.

Now, some of you may be thinking, “why would that person seek a Christian college if he knew what they were about?” and to that I say, everyone should have the right to housing, no matter what the circumstance.

If someone has something against gays, or blacks, or Asians, should they be able to biblically (or koran or torah-lly ) exempt that person? I think that answer is no.

I’m nobody. I’m a comedian and writer who reads a lot, that’s all. I have been lucky enough to live in a time where I can look up any information I’d like, and read any SCOTUS decision I’d like and garner a conclusion. My conclusion is that the Hobby Lobby decision is going to lead to others that are equally unfair and misguided; such as the George Fox University decision. I don’t think this leads to the apocalypse, but it means a step back for women and the LGBTQ community. And when you think how far we’ve come in those steps, a stop back is too much.

Guard our rights. The recent erosion of our rights, via the Civil Rights Act or the Hobby Lobby decisions, may seem like a small thing. But, the erosion and falling of houses that leads people to say “why did they build there, they must have known?” is based on the advanced information you’re getting from the news and not from the knowledge that erosion starts by not paying attention to the soil. It’s little things. Get it?

GAY SKATE WITH PQ Oaks Park Roller Skating Rink

For Gay Skate July we will meet on the 21st from 7-9pm

THEME FOR OCTOBER IS: Halloween free for all!

THE THEME FOR NOVEMBER IS: Uniforms Follow us on Facebook for details

ADMISSION $6.00 PQ Monthly is proud to partner with Take Action Inc for their “Backpack program.” This program fills backpacks, utilizing YOUR Gay Skate food donations, for Oregon kids pre-kindergarten to 8th grade, so they do not go hungry over the weekends.

Thank you for donating to this most worthy program.

Please visit www.pqmonthly.com/ partnerships and click on “Take Action Inc” to view their list of preferred foods.

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Belinda Carroll is a Portland-based, nationally-touring stand-up comic, writer, vocalist, and an ardent LGBT activist who is in desperate need of a nap, a massage, and a girlfriend who works for an airline or a spa. For booking or to offer the aforementioned services, her email is BelindaDCarroll@gmail.com.

pqmonthly.com

September/October 2014 • 19

NIGHTLIFE STYLE

STYLE DECONSTRUCTED: “I’M ALWAYS DOWN VISITING NEW PLACES—THIS BITCH AIN’T SCARED”

By Michael Talley and Eric Sellers, PQ Monthly

In a city teeming with fashion, personal expression, and trend setters, we want to get into the heads of some of Portland’s stylish LGBTQ icons. To us, style is not made in magazines, malls, or on television; it’s personal. This is the reason for this style deconstruction.

Name: Nghia Nguyen (Asia Ho Jackson), Age: 29, Occupation: Waitress/Bartender/Delivery Girl at Sweet Basil Thai Cuisine, and Student at PSU PQ Monthly: What age were you when you realized style mattered?

Nghia Nguyen: For the most part of my adolescent and early teenage years, I didn’t know anything about my own style. I was wearing baggy blue jeans and XXL T-shirts because that’s what most of the boys wore back home in El Monte, Calif. After I came out of the closet as a gay male, I began to wear tight twinkish clothing. I didn’t know it at the time but I had been conditioned to police my own style from breaking free for all those years. Prior to those years, I didn’t really feel like I was connected to my own sense of style but a homogeneity that kept me safe from exploring my individuality. I started to do drag in my early 20s, and that experience has helped me explore more facets of fashion from an androgynous side. Under the tutelage of the ghosts of drag past, I was able to experiment with different ways of dressing.

PQ: Who gives you a style boner today?

NN: Kylie Minogue and her stylist, William Baker, have always given me a style boner. Lately I’ve been focusing my style on mythical creatures like mermaids, krakens, sirens, etc. I also tend to get inspired by anime and sci-fi films like “Blade Runner,” “The Fifth Element,” and “Metropolis.”

Oh! And on that note, ‘20s Art Deco Orientalism gets me hard for style, too!

PQ: What is your most valued article of clothing you have purchased? Why? NN : It’s a black wool poncho w it h hundreds of sewn-on beetle wings that look like metallic finger nails.

She’s hanging on a mannequin in my closet right now because it’s been too hot to wear it, but I’ll definitely be 20 • September/October 2014

wearing her when the weather gets colder.

PQ: Do you wear jewels? What accessories are a must have in your closet?

NN: I love jewels and anything that’s shiny and sparkly. It’s too hard to choose one type of accessory; they’re all a must-have in my closet: rings, bracelets, necklaces, chokers, cinchers, anklets, earrings, you name it. I love them all!

PQ: Smells? Are you all natural? Soaps? Sprays? Discuss.

We wanna know brands!

N N : L i z Ta y l o r ’s White Diamonds, Kylie Minogue’s Sexy Darling, and D&G’s Light Blue.

I’ve also got some Victoria’s Secret perfume. I like the smell of vanilla for soaps. I keep a peach body spray in my car and a new pair of panties in my glove box, just in case.

PQ: The soundtrack of your closet: List four songs that are on your Style EP? NN: “Slow” – Kylie Minogue, “Pluto,” ”Bachelorette” – Björk, “Woman in Love”– Barbra Streisand, “Gimme!

Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)” – ABBA PQ: Eat, drink, scene: What do you nosh? What›s your sip? Where are your haunts?

NN: My diet mainly consists of meats, veggies, and rice.

I enjoy sippin’ on teas on a cold day and avocado shakes are yummy right now. I love most of the restaurants in the Jade district and my favorite food for the past few years is Korean BBQ! I also enjoy a yummy fried chicken meal any day and I have been going to Screen Door for my fix.

PQ: Shoes! Oh my god! Shoes! What do you have? What do you need? Brands, color, styles? Let’s talk shoes!

NN: I have high heels, boots, high heel boots, sandals, and a couple pairs of tennis shoes (one of which are Ed Hardys and I hate that designer but my father gave them to me, so I can’t part with them). I own high heels in red,

orange, brown, nude, leopard, and of course a bunch of black pumps in different styles. I definitely need more platforms in my shoe collection and a pair of white pumps.

PQ: Forever young! I wanna be forever young! What do you slather and slop on to pamper yourself? Give me when, what, where, why.

NN: I curl up with an awesome book, a chocolate bar or snack, a cup of coffee or tea to de-stress. I like to be nestled in a comfortable corner on my bed on a cool/cold night. I also take myself out once a month to a local nail salon for a mani/pedi.

PQ: You have a time machine. Go back in time and get anything from any era. What would you get, from where, and from when?

NN: As turbulent as it seemed to be, I’d love to be taken back to the 60s. I think I would enjoy dressing up in that era.

PQ: You’re going on vacation! Where would you go? What one item is a must-bring?

NN: I’d love to hit up Europe next. I wanna visit my cousins in Paris and do some shopping with them. I’m always down to visit new places; this bitch ain’t scared. I always pack “the black dress” when I travel.

PQ: Who’s you favorite artist, fashion designer, musician, and why?

NN: I can name a few: Kylie Minogue, D&G, McQueen, Björk, Dior, Olivia de Berardinis, Cecil Beaton, Barbra, Gareth Pugh, Patrick Nage.l PQ: What’s your most irritating fashion faux pas?

NN: Jerseys and sportswear…eww. I wanna yak when I see guys that sag their pants/jeans/etc. to their knees and show their boxers or underwear…that’s uber gross.

PQ: Where are some of your favorite places to shop?

NN: Forever 21; Marshalls; Ross; the thrift store; Red, White and Blue; GenX; Amazon; eBay… I’d basically go anywhere if there’s a sale and lots of cute clothes. pqmonthly.com

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pqmonthly.com

September/October 2014 • 21

DYKES ON BIKES® & FRIENDS

NIGHTLIFE BOOKS STYLE MARRIAGE

VOICES

THE LADY CHRONICLES North by Northwest, an Amtrak Adventure

By Daniel Borgen, PQ Monthly

Meeting #14 • 9am August 17, 2014 Sandoval’s Café & Cantina Rally In The Valley, 9:30am August 23, Paradise Harley-Davidson Meeting #11 -Sunday May 18, 2014 at 9am Escape Bar&Grill Capitol Pride Cruise-In at the Speakeasy in Salem, 7pm August 23, meet at the Speakeasy Capitol Pride Run, 11am August 24, Paradise H-D Oregon Coast Pride: Sept 5-7, please check our FB for details Komen Run: Sept 21, Be a Course Marshal and help fight Breast Cancer; check our FB for details Meeting #15 Sept 28, 9am Escape Bar & Grill Eden PNW Oct 2-5, Seaside: for details go to www.EdenPNW.com COME RIDE WITH PORTLAND’S DYKES ON BIKES® www.DykesOnBikesPortland.com Dykes&Allies on Bikes

Please email President@DykesOnBikesPortland.com to get on mailing list

RIDE LOUD & PROUD WITH US!

I’m here to make the case for trains. Yes, you could skip them in favor of long treks up the I-5 corridor in your trusted automobile, a speedy Bolt bus, or a superbly efficient airplane. You could complain about how the train takes too long, moves too slowly; it’s riddled with unsavory sights and sounds and those who routinely shun personal hygiene. The sight of Amtrak’s dated, blue and white logo might fill you with dread instead of stilling your beating heart, but I’d like to change your mind.

Unlike airplanes, you can still meet loved ones at arrival gates, greeting them the moment they step off the sauntering railcar; let’s say you go up north to Seattle to see about a boy you like — after a splendid weekend, your boy can stay with you in the ornate train station right up until your train leaves, and see you off in true Hepburn, “Love in the Afternoon” style. Unlike buses, on trains you move about the cabins freely, drinking with strangers on dining cars and sharing war stories with them — you can be anyone; exaggerate a bit; tell them you’re the editor of several magazines back home. Unlike automobiles, you needn’t stop for gas and fight with your friend over the best playlist.

Unlike any of the above, trains are housed in the most beautiful places — train stations are glorious nods to a different time, a time before the Internet, before we were in such a hurry, and before we used social media to behave so badly. Think Grand Central Station in New York City: high ceilings; towering pillars and spires to heaven; beautiful, epic artwork; big, grand secular churches erected to worship the deities of days gone by.

Last month, I took the train from Portland to Seattle to see about a boy. It was the first time I’d ever been on a train, and it was the first time in ages I actively sought a gentleman from another city’s attention. The Cascades route, which starts in Eugene and goes to Vancouver, B.C., cuts through Oregon and Washington alongside the mountains that are its namesake — through forests and tunnels and ghost towns, gliding alongside bodies of water. You wonder why you don’t do it more often. Taking the train invites so many questions, ones you’d never ask unless you traveled along this secret route north.

Who lives in Winlock, home to the world’s largest egg — and why? (According to the last U.S. Census, 1,339 do.) Who was the one person who boarded the train in Centralia, and where was she headed dressed in her oversized blue blouse and khakis? Why is the graying man all misty-eyed and slurring his words in the dining car — did something break his heart? What inhabited the decaying buildings in the sleepy towns originally built around these train tracks? There

are signs of life, sure, but they mostly look like the places time forgot. I do not envy their secluded lives.

Eventually, my train drops me off at the base of Capitol Hill, the densely populated gay district near downtown Seattle where the man I’m visiting lives. There’s not much about Seattle that makes me particularly envious — I am not jealous of its many hills, unruly traffic jams, and the plethora of cold and aloof residents who make the Seattle Freeze the stuff of legend. But Capitol Hill makes me jealous. It’s not the construction or high rises or restaurants or creeping gentrification that make me feel this way, it’s that Seattle still manages to sustain and nurture a vibrant gay district, a neighborhood dedicated to queer bars and dance nights and all manner of homosexual invention.

I think about my biological father when I travel to the Emerald City (he lives nearby) — which is perhaps why I venture there so rarely. I haven’t talked to him since before my high school graduation — rest assured, that was a great many years ago. I wonder if he can sense I’m close.

I think about him and wonder a bit because the man I’ve come to visit talks so much about his father. I am not much for envy — I do not care what car you drive, what job you have, how many trips you go on, how many fancy designers bags you own, what sleepy (or bustling) town you live in. I do sometimes feel envious if you talk about your biological father — it’s a visceral reaction I cannot control. It is not a longing or a wish things turned out differently, it is an innate curiosity.

My biological father will not be the man who gives me away at my wedding, but why does that even occur to me while I dine on delicious pizza at my suitor’s favorite restaurant?

As usual, I set those queries aside and refocus on the dark-haired, Asian man sitting across the table from me, who is quite beautiful and animated. He has smooth, flawless skin and he uses grand gestures to speak. I am always humbled when attractive men show interest in me. Though he is quite lovely, my eyes do wander a bit — for there is no famine of beauty up north in that bustling gay metropolis. My date and I make the requisite rounds around the queer neighborhood, drinking a little too much at each gay stop. I wish Portland had a Capitol Hill. And a Pony.

On my train ride home, I drink 4 glasses of white wine and befriend a kind soccer mom named Becky from Lake Oswego. She’s happy to hear all about my dating adventures and my nights out up north— her mystery is long gone, she tells me. I explain how mine is too, offering specific examples about how that’s the case. Becky isn’t having it. “We all want what we can’t have,” she insists, with a slight white wine slur. “It’s a verifiable fact.”

Or a tale as old as strangers on a train.

Daniel@PQMonthly.com

22 • September/October 2014

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ARTS & CULTURE

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September/October 2014 • 23

FASHION ARTS & CULTURE

BUTCH ON BUTCH: A DAPPER FASHION Q&A WITH MARY GOING OF SAINT HARRIDAN

By Joe LeBlanc, Special for PQ Monthly

on NPR and in the New York Times. Not shabby at all, right?

So I jumped at the opportunity to talk further with Saint As someone of the dapper butch persuasion, I love a good Harridan’s founder and CEO Mary Going, in the run up to ensemble, a powerful tie, and all of the sartorial details such as Saint Harridan’s pop up shop coming to Portland. We are foran alternating color for a cuff on a shirt, a solid pocket watch or tunate to have these Saints in PDX with us for two weekends a well-coordinated pocket square.

(September 26-28, and again OctoHere in the queer bubble of Portber 4-5, at Lightbox Kulturhaus). land, I often run into other mascuJoe LeBlanc (JL): Why did you line of center folks who are sportchoose the name Saint Harridan? ing some fanciful sock garters or Mary Going (MG): Let’s start sharp bow tie. I often try to comwith Harridan. It’s a derogatory pliment others on their efforts to word for woman: bitchy woman, dapper it up, and enjoy getting mannish woman, old hag. Got together with friends in a fun social something you don’t like about group, the Dapper Boys Club. a woman? You can say it with the There are quite a few clothing word Harridan. So putting Saint designers who have emerged over in front of Harridan just takes all the last couple of years, with an eye We jumped at the opportunity to talk further with Saint Harridan’s founder those things that people don’t and a fashion sense specifically for and CEO Mary Going, in the run up to Saint Harridan’s pop up shop coming to want women to be - bold, confiwhat most know as typical “men’s Portland. dent, kick-ass, masculine, fat, old, wear” but designed for women, transmen, and masculine of emotional, unemotional –and says “Hell yeah! That’s exactly center folks of all varieties. I have had the pleasure of working what I am!” It’s a reclaiming. It’s an invitation to masculine with a few of these gender binary busting businesses through of center women and transmen to become self-reverent, my community organizing and events with BUTCH Voices. to look in the mirror and love what they (we!) see. I like the One business that caught my eye early on with their amaz- idea of a Saint as being a leader of a cause or a movement, ing Kickstarter and philosophy of inclusion was Saint Harri- and I believe that anyone who is undermining the gender dan. They not only made their initial goal to roll out produc- binary—whether it is with the clothing they wear, the protion of suits, but well surpassed it – as well as were featured nouns they choose, or the gender they perform –is a leader

24 • September/October 2014

in this movement. We are all Saints.

JL: I love it! What has been the response like since the Kickstarter was so successful?

MG: The response has been incredible. Being on the Pop-Up Shop Tour really helps us feel that. I have so much gratitude for the moments I get to share with our customers - really intense, even life-changing moments. In every city we are in, every day we are open, we have people come in and tell us they have never felt the way they feel when they are in our shop. Welcome. Expected. Handsome. Normal.

Invited to wear the clothes they want to wear. People stare at themselves in the mirror. Sometimes cry. Once I thought I had offended someone, only to learn later - when they returned to order a suit - that they were just overcome by the sight of themself in a suit, shirt, and tie, they had to leave.

JL: That’s incredible, and I’m so thankful to have folks like you and Saint Harridan to challenge gender binaries in the way that you are. What has been the most surprising thing since launching St. Harridan? Most challenging?

MG: The biggest surprise? The way it has changed me. I used to believe that thinking about how I looked was superficial, a waste of time. Now that it’s my job to look good, I realize how much better it makes me feel! I stand taller. I feel more bold. I have more energy. I never would have imagined that would change me the way it has. And that’s why self-reverence is such a big part of Saint Harridan’s mission.

Our big goal in all this is not really to sell suits, it’s to allow BUTCH ON BUTCH page 26

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September/October 2014 • 25

BUTCH ON BUTCH Continued from page 24

our customers—MOC women and transmen—to feel handsome, and worthy, when they walk into work, or walk down the aisle.

Most challenging was definitely our first manufacturing run. After having such a successful Kickstarter campaign we suddenly had a thousand orders to fill and manufacturers balking at our revolutionary suit design.

But our Kickstarter backers were so supportive and patient, it was unbelievable. We kept having to push back our manufacture date and they just kept saying, “It’s okay, we’re so thankful you’re doing this, just keep going.”

I’m forever grateful for the latitude they gave us and forever glad that time is over!

JL: Exciting times! So tell me more about the idea behind the pop-up shop tour.

MG: The Pop-Up Shop Tour is a way of bringing our product—our revolution—to more customers. We aren’t ready to have stores up and running year-round in twelve different cities, but by the end of 2014, we will have opened up shop for a weekend or more in just that many places around the country. It gives us a chance to increase our customer base, and it gives customers a chance to experience a retail environment they don’t have access to the rest of the year: a shop that caters to masculine of center women and transmen. It feels so good to interact with our customers, to watch them look in the mirror and see themselves look the way they have always wanted to look.

JL: Those are amazing feelings to share and experience. As someone who has gone through that myself, especially in smaller cities that have had less of a queer bubble, it’s HUGE! I know that I love Portland, but I’m curious to know why it was selected as one of the sites for the tour.

MG: Before our Kickstarter campaign, we launched a Pop-Up Tour model contest on Facebook. People from all over the country posted pictures and voted. Portland was one of the most active cities in the contest, with dozens of models, many of whom got thousands of votes. All of that social networking on the part of the models really boosted our visibility and in turn our Kickstarter campaign.

We definitely recognize the role those contest participants played in helping Saint Harridan get its start. So we chose to bring our Pop-Up Tour to cities that showed up for our model contest, in part because we knew we’d have

supporters here, but also because we want to celebrate and thank those cities for helping us become the company we are today.

JL: I love the whole suit and tie look, but having other items in my closet that are made that are more casual and affordable would be great additions as well.

What details do you most notice for a good ensemble on someone in your eye?

MG: The shirt. In every way, it’s the dress shirt that makes the suit work or not.

I mean, of course you need to have a great suit, but it’s the shirt that either kills it or sells it. So what do I want to see in a shirt? I want to see a neck that fits. Fitting can feel tight to those who are used to wearing shirts that aren’t made for their body (i.e.: women and transmen), but you get used to it. When the neck fits, the collar looks sharp, and the tie looks bold. Then it’s the sleeve length. I want the shirt sleeve to stick out below the jacket sleeve ¼ to ½ inch. So at the top and the bottom (collar and cuff) the shirt acts as a frame for the jacket. When we are mindful of details like this we start to own our clothes instead of being owned by them.

JL: Is there anything else you’d like to share with my fellow Portland proud queers?

MG: I am really looking forward to celebrating with Portland. This town has given us so much support through the model contest and Kickstarter campaign that’s it going to really good to be there and say “thank you” in person.

You can catch the latest from Saint Harridan at their Portland Pop Up Shop on September 26-28, and again October 4-5, at Lightbox Kulturhaus (2027 NE Martin Luther King Jr, Blvd). Another fun way to see more of these hot fashions as well as some sexy dapper folks is by attending Swagger: A Hot and Dapper Fashion Show taking place on Thursday, September 25 at Crush Bar (1400 SE Morrison; 7:30 doors, 9pm fashion show). We’ll not only have the designs of Saint Harridan, but also local designs from Dapper D Fashions in the house, too. The fashion show is also fundraiser for BUTCH Voices, also sponsored by dapperQ and For The Love of Bois Photo Project. We’ll have DJ Wildfire (Hot Flash Dances) spinning for us. So come OUT and join us! Don’t forget your lapel flower, your best hanky (worn on the appropriate side, of course), or your bedazzled tie clip, too.

Joe LeBlanc is the Interim Communications Manager at Basic Rights Oregon; Founder of BUTCH Voices, and an allaround dapper butch.

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26 • September/October 2014

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VOICES VOICES

FEATURES

FEATURE MARRIAGE ARTSCOMMUNITY & CULTURE

How Longing Works

By Nick Mattos, PQ Monthly

1. I stopped smoking, sort of. It wasn’t because of health education, nor economic pressures, nor even the shocking abject rudeness that some non-smokers feel justified unleashing upon those who partake in tobacco. One day, I realized that my pack was almost empty, and I needed to go buy more cigarettes.

“Or do I?” I asked myself aloud.

I smoked my last cigarette and stubbed it out on the ground. Almost immediately, an oddly familiar feeling arose in my chest.

It hasn’t left since.

2. Our language when talking about the feeling of wanting to smoke after we’ve quit is somewhat lacking. We say things like “I want a cigarette,” or discuss dealing with “cravings,” or even in fits of desperation exclaim that we “need” to have one more smoke.

However, all of these are to greater or lesser degree physical terms. What I find, in that moment late at night alone in my apartment when the only thing that makes sense is to walk outside under the moonlight and quietly inhale fire, the thing I feel is not really a physical craving or want as much as it is a spiritual one. It is best described as longing.

At that moment, I long for a cigarette.

3. I have a handful of friends who, when we met, were all active members of the same large neo-Puritan church. This church was suffused with a distinctively post-grunge Pacific Northwest vibe, all the way down to their unofficial men’s dress code of beards and year-round flannel. Part of this emerged from the pastor, a man with an extraordinary oratory gift who exerted a high level of control over the culture of his church.

4. When it comes to longing, I’m varsity-level. By this I definitely do not mean that I’m good at assuaging or ending the experience of longing — there are distinct regions of my heart where longing lives for things I lost long ago, my first boyfriend and the land I grew up upon and even the feeling of reading certain books for the first time. Being good at longing is the opposite of being good at letting things go. Instead, it means that I’m good at allowing empty spaces to remain.

5. After a long series of controversies embroiled the church’s charismatic pastor, the congregation began to drift away. Being the most “worldly” friend that some of them had, one by one these Puritan friends of mine would join me for melancholy beers and commiseration. One, a young leader in the congregation and a particularly close friend, held back tears while he talked about the thought of leaving the church that he loved so much.

“Nick, I worked so hard there,” he told me. “I really believed that it was Jesus telling

me to give so much of myself to the church.

I don’t regret it, certainly, but I know it’s time to move on, you know?” He wipes his eyes.

“It just doesn’t make sense to be in there anymore. But I think about leaving and it already hurts to think of leaving. I haven’t even officially left yet and I already miss it.”

6. As a Portuguese man, part of my being good at longing is cultural. As a people, we are distinctively excellent at longing, absolutely world-class when it comes to this particular emotion. We’re so familiar and so skilled at longing that we have various distinctive words to explain the nuance of it; perhaps most notable and poetic is “saudade.” The term itself is untranslatable, further reinforcing that the Portuguese (including myself) believe that our experience of the emotion is so distinctive that no outsider could truly understand it. Writer Manuel de Melo articulated it as “a pleasure you suffer, an ailment you enjoy.” This still doesn’t quite nail it, though — it is a longing that is bittersweet, existential, fatalistic, and paradoxically containing both hope and hopelessness.

7. My Puritan friends moved on. Some filtered into other Calvinist churches, others dipped into Presbyterianism or Orthodoxy, and others still dropped out of organized religion entirely. There was no clear path by which they walked out their grieving for the church that it didn’t make sense to attend anymore. However, the most fascinating part was, as time went by, the way each of them dressed actually changed.

One by one, they would drop their former church’s plaid-button-down-or-band-Tshirt aesthetic, finding new (but not necessarily better) sartorial cues to follow.

8. It’s been a few weeks since I stopped.

While I’ve certainly had a few missteps and will make yet more in the future, I’m settling into the reality of living as a nonsmoker.

However, at a certain moment of the night, I will still walk out of my apartment into the moonlight, stand in the dark and feel the empty space of my lungs within my chest.

This is how longing works.

9. Months after our conversation, that same friend of mine who used to be a leader in the church joined me for whiskeys late one night. He wore a white polo shirt and khaki shorts, clean-cut and distinctively un-Portland; he was so evidently comfortable in his skin, though, that it didn’t matter.

“Do you still miss the church?” I asked him.

“Yeah,” he tells me, “probably every day.

It was my church.” He takes a hard gulp of his drink. “But it just isn’t anymore. I still miss it, though. Maybe someday I’ll be back, but I don’t know. You know what I mean?”

I finish my whiskey in response. “Believe me,” I reply, “I know.”

Nick@PQMonthly.com pqmonthly.com

September/October 2014 • 27

GLAPN BOOKS

SOLD

by Realtor Gabriela

VOICES

This Ends Badly How to Decorate for Fall in 10 Easy Steps

By Michael James Schneider, PQ Monthly

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The air is getting crisp in the morning, the first grilled cheeses and soups are being devoured, and the swifts are careening into plate glass doors with reckless abandon (yes, I’m the asshole who thought for my first three months in Portland that The Swifts were an indie band that played a really long gig at some elementary school every September).

It must be fall in the Pacific Northwest, and with it comes entertaining season. You’re doubtless going to have company, you popular thing you, so kick that Scruff trick out of bed and get decorating for fall! As an amateur decorator and professional know-it-all, I’ve compiled some of my favorite tips to get your house looking so good, people will be fooled into thinking you have your life in order. I’ve been drinking from my box of wine as I write this, I’m sure that didn’t affect anything: 1. Curate carefully.

2. Use a bright color on an accent wall.

3. Owls, everywhere fucking OWLS. 4. Small spaces can be fun too! Live in one so small that you come home and the front door, when opened, hits the back wall of your place. One so small that you have to keep your cat’s litter box in the fridge. One so small that you have to hang the TV outside the window because it doesn’t fit in the place. At night, you rock back and forth and hold yourself in your Murphy bed, muttering “need more space... need more space” while you fantasize about dreamy, shirtless Nate Berkus sweeping you away on his Pegasus to his palatial mid-century mansion in the woods. You wake up the next morning and your cat has literally gone insane, spinning in place and mewling softly, cooing, forever cooing for more square footage. No? Just me? Okay.

5. Proportional furniture.

6. The rule of threes.

7. The rule of smallest to largest.

8. Thinking of getting a new couch? Follow the Mogwai rules: a. Don’t put the couch in a sunny area, or near a window. Sunlight can harm or destroy upholstery. b. Don’t get your sofa wet, for any reason.

You sofa will breed more sofas. c. Do not, under any circumstances, feed your couch after midnight.

9. The best way to cover the roiling mess of your sociopathic instincts and narcissistic tendencies is framed photographs. On the mantle, on the nightstand in your bedroom, cover every surface you can with framed photos. They don’t even have to be people you know! Go to the nearest Goodwill and get you some framed photos, gurl. Shoplift some from a department store! Sneak some baby pictures from your neighbors when they invite you over. Everyone’s baby looks the fucking same.

10. Pro-tip: You sound 75 percent more condescending when you say “pro-tip” before any statement.

11. Are you, like me, tired of apologizing for that pungent cat urine smell in your apartment? Then go to the nearest Pier 1 and sift through the footstools that look like elephants and the statues that look like Zulu warriors and find yourself a fucking candle, boo.

Choose from scents like Rainforest Jasmine, Bamboo Abortion, and Unfortunate Cultural Appropriation.

12. Pick the paint color for the walls last.

13. Consider chairs that are vers.

14. No wire hangers.

15. Nothing says “this is a classy place” like a screensaver for your TV that looks like a fireplace. Your autumn guests, Mabel and Darcy, will come over and they’ll see the TV and gasp, “Holy shit, I didn’t even know you had a fireplace!” And you’ll grab the remote and with a little smirk on your face you’ll PAUSE THE FUCKING FIRE and Darcy won’t even know what’s happening, she’s just eating all the damn hors d’oeuvres in the corner, and honestly you’ve always thought she may have been a little touched, but Mabel. That Bitch Mabel, she called your kid cross-eyed and then she didn’t let you cut down the tree that leaned over the fence between your properties, and shed its goddamn pods all over your yard so you cut it down anyway and boy was she pissed and she looked at you with those pursed smug little lips every time she would leave her house after that, so Mabel, yes Mabel sees the fire pause and she just about shits her pants, she leans over and put her hands on her knees because she is faint at the prospect of a FIRE PAUSING, and now she’s asking for a paper bag to breathe into and you know full well you have a cupboard full of lunch bags for Cross-eyed Timmy’s lunches now that school is starting up again but you tell her “no” and then she passes out and she falls heavily onto your cat and kills it, as Darcy is still eating all the food in the corner and stealing one of your framed pictures of someone else’s baby.

I bet you wish you had a fucking fireplace TV screensaver now, don’t you? WHO’S SMUG NOW, MABEL? 16. Use old wigs as area rugs.

17. Wait, my wine was here a second ago.

18. No, seriously, it was just here.

19. No, I don’t have a problem, you have a problem. You’re gonna have a big goddamn problem if you don’t bring me my wine back.

21. Consider sight lines when planning out the room. Also consider camera angles.

24? Get upholstery that is cat and dog friendly. It should also be otter, bear, and bull friendly. ??? Create a focal point with your daddy issues.

22. I’m sleepy

Michael James Schneider is a writer, designer, and artist based in Portland, OR. His mom thinks he is the Best Writer Ever. He writes for his wildly unpopular blog, BLCKSMTHdesign.com, and just released his first fiction book, The Tropic Of Never, available as an ebook on Amazon.com.

28 • September/October 2014

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MUSIC

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September/October 2014 • 29

VOICES

THE SECRET LIFE OF SUMMER SEASONS

How substance abuse saved me, ruined me, and saved me all over again

By Summer Seasons, PQ Monthly

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For intake scheduling, information, and referral:

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30 • September/October 2014

missed a whole huge chunk of life with my family. So I did the only thing I knew how At the age of 18, I was in a pretty tender to do. I quit! Cold turkey, Done. place personally. I had come to accept I was I lost every friend I’d ever come to know gay, I was starting to hone my drag craft, at that time in my life, but I found strength but one thing always haunted me: where and comfort in making new ones and did I fit in? I had acquaintances aplenty, learning to lean on my family. My mom a family that loved me, but I felt incredi- became my best friend, my brother and I bly alone. Each relationship seemed to be took a trip (against our wills) across country temporary, and I’d move from and became friends too, and person to person, struggling to I started to earn the respect figure out who I was. Then, at from my dad that I craved. I one precious moment, I was put myself head-first into the presented with something that career that I wanted to go after would shape a large part of my and I began to really live. young adult life. Drugs.

I’ve always been a person I always lived by the phiwho lives by experience, and losophy “go big or go home,” if there is a hard way I’m going so I started big. I felt someto take it, but the best part of thing that finally made me feel life is making the mistakes I belonged. I started to lose all along the way. That’s how that pesky weight I could never I’ve learned and grown, and shake off, and I had all the time I always come back to it. For in the world to accomplish Illustration by Terry Blass me it took hitting close to the whatever I needed to. I’d found a bond to bottom to learn how to get to the top, but connect with people, and I quickly formed I don’t regret a second of it. If I hadn’t lived a vast circle of friends and people who I the life I did, I wouldn’t be the strong person believed to be very close to me. I no longer I am today. had suicidal thoughts and I finally felt like I’m not saying all drugs are bad, and Lord I was living! I always believed myself to be knows, I know how to drink, but the thing a recreational user, and that I had control I think that’s key is learning how to find over my using abilities. I’d only do drugs moderation in all of it. I no longer need some nights and weekends, and only if I those substances to feel alive or to give me didn’t have to work, but suddenly the one the confidence that I so desperately sought thing that saved my life made it all come after. I’ve slipped a time or two since that crashing down around me. day ten years ago when I decided to take My friends confronted me one day with charge of my life again, but because of the an intervention of sorts. They said, “Girl, support group I have, I sprung back better you’ve lost control, you’ve got a problem, than ever! There is so much life to live out and you need help.” I couldn’t believe them, there that I no longer need the destruchow dare they, they used as much as I did. tive things to live in it. I can enjoy it forThen I looked long and hard. I’d just lost my ever, and the most important thing of all third job, because I was “sick” too often, I is when all the cards are down, I can go to had very little money, my place was a disas- those I love and they can help me make the ter, and my friends were all a mess. I had deck whole again.

pqmonthly.com

VOICES

CULTIVATING LIFE

It Takes a Team to Climb a Mountain

By LeAnn Locher, PQ Monthly

If you had told me two years ago that I would climb the third-tallest mountain in Oregon, by choice, I’d have said you were crazy. But this summer I did, and I’m so glad I did it.

There are things in life we watch other people do. “Other people,” who may be more outdoorsy, more athletic, skinnier, younger— take your pick—and we watch with awe where they go and what they do. Not being enough of one thing or another, or living more based in fear, or simply not knowing where to start to begin to do those things, keeps us from adventuring into these arenas. At least it did for me.

“There is a special energy when experiencing something so physically and mentally challenging as climbing a glaciated peak with a group of like-minded women,” says Nikki Becker, owner of Miss Fit Adventures. “This year’s South Sister’s climb was comprised of lesbian and queer-friendly participants determined to scale their first mountain, and not all of them were necessarily ‘jocks’ as history or stereotypical labeling would express.” This was my team.

We began training in the spring, beginning with easy hikes, four to five miles long, and with little elevation. Every other weekend, this group of women gathered in the early morning hours to head out to our playgrounds, the Columbia River Gorge or Mt. Hood, to tackle a new, and always slightly harder, hike.

What began as a jaunt around the waterfalls at Silver Falls transformed into a hike to the top of Hamilton Mountain, Dog Mountain, and the notorious Ruckel Ridge. We talked while we hiked, learning about each other’s families, jobs, histories, and discussing in detail the pros and cons of hiking gear, especially boots and backpacks. We learned how great hiking poles were, the importance of water, fueling our bodies for hikes, and the constant reminder that it’s never, ever a race. We took breaks to care for ourselves and each other, greeting other hikers and learning the etiquette of trail passing (those coming uphill always have the right of way).

There was talk about safety, and we rarely were confronted with the realities of hiking, but the morning we gathered at the trailhead at the same time as the search

and rescue teams out looking for a stranded hiker we had read about in the news, it felt a little close to home.

But then there was a hike at Nesmith Point.

Narrow, winding, and climbing in altitude, the trail was overgrown on the mountain side, and I ventured too close to the outside edge.

The trail gave way beneath my feet, sending me down the side of the mountain. While it was only a few feet of tumble, I grasped at the mountain as rocks and dirt gave way and rolled down the side of the mountain. I looked up into the faces of my hiking companions as they grabbed each other’s wrists and one scrambled down to grab me and my pack and pull me back up. It was calm, surreal, and fine, and it wasn’t until later I realized how bad that could have gone if I had been by myself. I learned a lesson right then and there: never hike alone.

This element of teamwork continued throughout the season, PHOTO CREDIT: NIKKI BECKER, MISS FIT ADVENTURES and showed itself again when hiking South Sister. We were on the trail at 5:30 a.m., in the dark and with our headlamps on, as we began our ascent. By 7 a.m. we arrived at the plateau, peeling off layers and having the first snack of the day. As the day continued and we continued to climb— that day we would climb 4,757 feet of elevation to a height of 10,358 feet at the summit— the altitude took its toll. Mild nausea hit me, but strangely enough, I lost my words. I just couldn’t talk. I stopped eating and drinking, and I couldn’t look around as the trail became steeper and more exposed. Teammates recognized altitude sickness was affecting me, and stopped to make sure I was eating, forcing me to drink my water. I began to feel better.

When we reached the top, we stood in in awe of the glacier and the view all the way south to California and north to Washington. Many of us couldn’t believe we had actually done it. Lisa Wallis, who doctors gave a 3 percent chance of walking again after suffering a pierced spinal cord and surgery 10 years ago, stood at the top, tears on her face, and looked out at where we had come. Where she had come. And vowed to keep going. Next year she plans to hike the Pacific Crest Trail, and now she knew she could do it. We had done it, together, climbing a glacier-topped peak. We may have called ourselves the Turtles, but dammit, we did it. It was never a race, but it was completely a success.

LeAnn Locher is preparing for her next hike: the Grand Canyon this October.

You can reach her at leann@pqmonthly.com. pqmonthly.com

September/October 2014 • 31

THEATER

PREPARING TO PUT THE “T” IN PORTLAND’S LGBTQ THEATER

By Leela Ginelle, PQ Monthly

Portland is a city rich not only in theater, but in lesbian and gay theater. We’re home to the OUTwright Festival, a yearly offering of LGBTQ-themed readings and productions that coincides with Pride. Likewise, Triangle Productions, which regularly features gay and lesbian material, is beginning its 25th season, and defunkt theatre, which will soon launch its 15th year of challenging, stimulating, often queer-oriented work.

It’s common in Portland to see plays featuring lesbian and gay storylines at larger, more mainstream theater companies.

Portland Center Stage, for instance, recent produced the lesbian-themed musical “LIZZIE,” and Portland Playhouse, a few years ago, revived Tony Kushner’s “Angels in America.”

What one almost never sees, however, are plays featuring transgender actors, or stories written by or about transgender people. defunkt’s Managing Director Matthew Kern believes that will soon change. “It’s something we’re drawn to as a subject, just because of who we are,” he says. “We’re saying, ‘Who’s story isn’t being told?’” Kern says one hurdle addressing the topic is admitting that, as a gay man, he’s far from an expert about the transgender experience. “Telling those stories means being willing to be uncomfortable about things we don’t know,” he says. defunkt went through similar processes of stretching themselves last season with plays that addressed disability (“Let a Hundred Flowers Bloom”) and race (“The Submission’), Kern says. “If you’re going to take on a subject that’s not your own, it’s important to educate yourself about it,” he says, noting that the company worked with the Red Door Project and the Cascade AIDS Project last year to help ensure their accuracy. defunkt associate director Andrew Klaus-Vineyard notes

that the lack of trans visibility can pose a challenge itself when it comes to casting. When the company staged a reading of the short play “No More Candy” at this year’s OUTwright Festival and sought a trans actress for a leading role, despite a large outreach effort, they received no responses (full disclosure: “No More Candy” is a play I wrote). Later they heard from other actors that some trans actors they knew were not out in the theater scene, and felt uncomfortable changing that to pursue the part.

“It’s tricky,” Klaus-Vineyard says. “Some people don’t want to be the one to step out in front. When you don’t have a map or blueprint, it’s hard to know your way. Nobody wants to be the first: the patron saint, the guinea pig.” Both Kern and Klaus-Vineyard agree that the change can start with companies beginning to tell trans stories and making theater a place where trans people feel represented.

Rusty Tennant, the artistic director of the OUTwright Festival and of the Fuse Theatre Ensemble, thinks that moment is ripe to happen. “There’s no lack of desire in the gay theater for a great trans performer or a great trans play,” Tennant says.

“We would be so excited to bring someone into our ensemble who was trans.”

“We don’t yet have a delivery system in place to have a bunch of trans actors ready to work with us,” he says. “Once we do, we can start doing plays about trans characters, or using trans actors in plays. That’s where we want to get. It will just take someone being brave and out.”

While Kern, Klaus-Vineyard and Tennant all express understanding at the trepidation on the part of trans artists that leads to their dearth, and the corresponding need on the part of the theater community to create a welcoming space for them, Triangle Productions founder and artistic director Don Horn blames their lack on trans inaction, saying “The reason, I think, there aren’t a lot of transgender examples is that that portion of society hasn’t provided very many.”

“Where are the transgender actors?” he asks. “Where are the transgender producers? Where are the transgender directors?” One could argue, though, that this kind of logic is reminiscent of the arguments made by the tech industry about the lack of female employees there, or by the financial industry about its lack of racial diversity: that they hire “the best candidates,” and that the lack of diversity just means that women and minority groups were unqualified or uninterested in joining those important sectors.

Thinking like that appears to ignore the trends present that suggest an atmosphere of exclusion or indifference. What seems certain, though, is that the transgender community needs representation, to counter the stigma and ignorance that persist around trans identities. If trans artists are afraid to be out in the arts, one hopes the arts community will ameliorate this by showing those artists they’re wanted and needed.

Like the others interviewed, Horn admitted to having things to learn about the trans experience, saying, “Maybe the whole gay community along with the straight, needs an education on transgender. Writing the article is a step. Placing it in front of people is that great first step.” Horn also expressed a willingness to produce a trans-themed play at Triangle, likening it to his efforts at increasing racial diversity within the works the theater’s staged.

Exploring the differences within our community through theater, a medium that brings diverse audiences together, is a chance for LGBTQ Portlanders to learn more about each other and grow in the process. Kern, and the others I interviewed, understand that, and appear ready to take that leap into representing the trans experience, while respecting the ways it differs from the their own.

“I had a hard time coming out,” Kern says. “It wasn’t celebrated. But I never questioned my physical experience of myself. It’s different. I know what I don’t know.”

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BUSINESS BRIEFS WHAT IS DIRECT BUY AND WHY SHOULD YOU BE A MEMBER, TOO?

By Gabriela Kandziora, PQ Monthly

Yes, I am a proud member of Direct Buy — with the new local family owners, Steve and Danielle Pieters.

5-Star Member Service, selection that is unprecedented, and prices that you don’t see anywhere else are all what DirectBuy of Portland provides all of their members. I know you have seen their ads in our papers and probably heard of them before, but I am here to tell you the real skinny on the New DirectBuy. The first question on everyone’s mind is, “Is it worth it?” The simple answer is yes. Melanie and I have recovered our initial investment with the purchase of our outside patio furniture. We have been able to buy bed sheets and are even looking to travel with DirectBuy. YES, travelers, DirectBuy has you covered there too. So what does DirectBuy do for its members and how does the membership work? Well, what they do is allow all their members to buy directly from the manufacturers, which allows DirectBuy’s members to pay for their product without the hidden retail markups and as we all know, there is a lot of retail markup out there on the stuff that we buy, especially the bigger ticket items. So what happens? Through DirectBuy, we buy directly from the manufacturer or their distributor and the product ships directly to our home or to the club over

by Washington Square in Tigard. They also have members that own their own businesses and they market and promote our business to other members, which is really a

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nice perk to our membership. Last month they promoted me and my new role as a real estate agent with Keller Williams. So business owners, that means the membership is a marketing expense and is a write off.

One of their members owns a moving company if you want your purchase delivered and set up in your home, which is an option as well at a discounted rate. In most

cases, DirectBuy allows all members to purchase things as if they were a dealer, meaning, purchase just like the retail stores/dealers before they have to mark it up to cover their overhead and make enough profit to stay in business. That’s a lot of money that we as DirectBuy members do not have to pay and get to keep for our own families. It is not trying to recover the initial investment in one purchase, if you are remodeling a kitchen you will,

but it is about all our purchases and how quickly they all add up, especially when we are not paying attention. Not only do we get to buy directly from the Manufacturers, we get an incredible selection, with over 1 million different products and over 700 manufacturers to choose from, in most cases we members are not left wanting. They have designers, project managers, 5-Star customer service and product specialists on staff to help you accomplish your goals without going from store to store trying to find help and the best value. DirectBuy has it all under one roof, with owners who care and welcome us as if we were their family.

I am proud to have become a DirectBuy member and seeing all the changes that have taken place since I met with Steve almost a year ago. DirectBuy of Portland can help you with jewelry, traveling, remodeling, building, wedding invitations, appliances, f looring, furniture and so much more. Tell Steve that Melanie and Gabriela sent you, because they are doing a special deal for us.

Not only are they giving all PQ readers a $1,000 off their membership but will also give you a $500 travel savings credits just for seeing what the New DirectBuy is all about. If you pay in full, they will also throw in a Great Diamond Getaway for 2. Check them out at www. directbuy.com or give them a call at 503-333-0565. Let’s support a local family owned business that supports us.

They are wonderful people, trustworthy and yes, they are here to help us live better and keep our money in our pockets and not in the big box stores.

September/October 2014 • 33

QUEER APERTURE Through his Queer Aperture project, photographer Jeffrey Horvitz has spent years documenting the LGBTQ communities of Portland, San Francisco, Seattle, and Vancouver, B.C. He’s well aware that a picture paints a whole mess of words, but here he offers a few actual words to better acquaint us with his dynamic subjects.

What is your name?

Miles Bennette -Eaton

Favorite book?

“The Man who Fell in Love with the Moon”

How long have you lived in Portland?

My whole life

Favorite movie?

Hackers

What is the first time you noticed that gayness existed?

I had a crush on my gym teacher in junior high

Favorite word?

Splendiferous

What would you consider a guilty pleasure?

“Call Me Maybe”

Least favorite word?

Anything Sarah Palin says

You’re having a dinner party for 6, whom would you invite?

My parents, Gregory Alan, Isa Kou, Batman, Philip Seymour Hoffman, & Neil Gaiman

Favorite swear word?

Fuck

What would you consider a perfect meal?

Jarra’s Ethiopian What would be a perfect day off?

Reading, playing video games, hanging out in the sun, playing D&D PHOTO BY JEFFREY HORVITZ

What is your profession?

Student/Bartender If you could with a snap of a finger what would be another profession you would like to do?

Researching the psychology of video games Whom would you like to meet dead or alive?

David Hewlett

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Lots of love, Your PQ Staff For placement please call Lynda at 503-475-4945 or Larry at 503-512-9065 34 • September/October 2014

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