“How Could Someone Put Such a Cute Baby up for Adoption?”
It’s a question adoptive parents get more times than they would like. The person asking means well and is trying to compliment the adopted baby or child. However, for those who are familiar with adoption, the question can be offensive or even hurtful for a variety of reasons. For starters, the question suggests that children in adoptive care are not ordinarily cute. What parent would ever want to give up something so adorable? Adoption is much more complicated than that. Children are not placed in adoptive care simply because of their appearance. There are countless reasons why a birthmother or a couple would feel placing their baby for adoption is their best choice, such as financial issues, age and readiness of the mother, or other personal issues the mother might be experiencing. There is also the tendency for some to believe that children in adoptive care are sickly or perhaps have some sort of condition that made them unwanted. As mentioned earlier, foster homes are not places for “defective” children. To suggest that a child is so cute as to be somehow unfit for adoptive care can be hurtful to both adoptive parents and adopted children alike. The phrase “put up for adoption” is also one that deserves attention. When someone uses that phrase to talk about adoption, it makes the child seem like it is a house being put up on the market instead of a living being.
To most people, such a phrase may not seem important or a big deal. There is nothing inherently offensive or rude about the statement, but the wording could certainly hurt the feelings of the adopted child and parents. The imagery that comes with “putting up for adoption” takes away the fact that the child is a human and instead makes it seem like the child is an object. A more appropriate phrase would be along the lines of “placed in adoptive care.” This way, adoption can be discussed as a life event rather than some exchange.
Those asking this question genuinely see nothing wrong with it. As an adoptive parent or an adopted child, it is best to educate the speaker on why this question can be offensive or seen as insensitive. The more people know about adoption, the less likely they will hurt someone’s feelings with a wellmeant question. Providence Place of San Antonio, Texas is a nonprofit organization offering adoption services, vocational training for adults with disabilities and working with other nonprofit organizations in the San Antonio area. To learn more about the work they do or to schedule a tour of their 25-acre campus, visit their website or contact them today.