How to Talk About Adoption as a Birthmother A pregnancy is a life-changing discovery, one that can elicit numerous responses and reactions. An unplanned pregnancy can bring about even more emotions, which might make discussing it with family a bit terrifying. Bringing up adoption as a possible choice for the unborn child can be something else entirely. For some families, the discovery of a pregnancy is a lot to handle by itself, and adding that adoption is a consideration can make things even more passionate. As a birthmother, the thought of discussing adoption with the family can be frightening, but it does not have to be if certain points are remembered. Be Prepared Regardless of whether the unborn child was planned or not, deciding to place the child in adoptive care can lead to many emotions and countless questions. Some families will be opposed to the idea of placing a healthy baby for adoption believing that the baby will grow up in poor conditions. In order to avoid being caught off guard, try to come up with a list of questions and potential responses you might receive from those close to you. Research adoption agencies and learn about the adoption process. Have information written down or saved so that when the inevitable questions arise, you can be ready. Be Calm As mentioned above, family and friends might get very emotional about the situation. Things might be said out of sudden shock and emotion, words that could sound hurtful. “Why do you want to let someone else raise your baby?� Those who care about you might not realize they are saying potentially upsetting things but are instead reacting to surprising news. Keep a level head. Don’t let immediate responses get to you. Listen to what they have to say. It is very hard to get much discussion done if the other side is high on emotions, so try to stay calm. Be Confident As a birthmother, you are making the decision to place your unborn child in adoptive care. It might not be an easy decision, and your family might disagree with it, but you are the one that ultimately decides what to do.
With that being said, confidence is certainly key. If you go into a discussion and do not sound sure about your decision or are not fully educated on adoption matters, members of your family that are against the adoption plan will point it out and put doubt in your mind about your choice. To help with confidence, write down the reasons you feel adoption is the best choice for both you and your unborn child. Go over them several times and make sure you firmly believe in them. If necessary, talk with an adoption agency or reach out to others that went through similar experiences. Explain Your Side You have your reasons for your decision. While these reasons do not have to ever be discussed with strangers, talking about them with friends and family can help give more insight and outside perspective. Explain the rationale behind your decision. For many young women and teenagers facing an unplanned pregnancy, raising a child is simply not something they are ready for yet. Others feel that another family will be able to give the unborn child a better home. Whatever the reason, you know that adoption is you and your baby’s best option. It might take a while for your family to understand, but showing that you’ve given the matter a great deal of thought will go a long way. Having a support group will make whatever you decide better and easier. Adoption agencies are connected with countless people who were in similar positions and many adoption agencies offer counseling for birthmothers among other services. Reading up on their experiences and learning how
they handled family discussion can help you when it is time to talk about your adoption plan with those close to you. Placing a child for adoption is an important decision that requires careful consideration. Are you contemplating this loving option? Do you have any idea about how or where to start? Action Adoption at Providence Place can help. We will guide you through the process while making sure all your questions are answered. Contact us today to learn more.