Metro, Volume 1, Issue 11

September 16 – 29 Volume 1 ■ Issue 11

Queers in the Sticks Small towns in Utah, Nevada host gay events

‘Get Well, Marci’ Malloy falls ill at Baker festival

LCR Withholds Bush Endorsement Gay Republicans betrayed

by Bush policies

Anti-Gay ‘Truth Truck’ Impounded Homophobic driver injures cop at Minn. rally

Gay Republican Wins Ariz. Primary Kolbe: States should define marriage law

Wilde About Max Robinson becomes Bracknell in PMT’s ‘Earnest’

Queeriscaping Brandie Balken discovers a novel use for zucchini

Ruby Ridge Living Ruby, Imelda and Workman: the axis of evil?

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News WORLD AND NATIONAL

Study Down Under Finds Gays Are Good Parents Aussie Commission: Same-Sex Parents Provide ‘Effective and Loving Environment’ for Kids

Pope: ‘Right Reason’ Forbids Gay Marriage in Canada

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portland, ore. — Oregon Labor Commisioner Dan Gardner joined nearly a dozen members of local trade and building unions Sept. 8 in speaking out against a measure which would amend the Oregon State Constitution to define marriage as the union between a man and a woman.

Noting that if passed, the proposed measure would take health insurance and other necessary benefits away from samesex partners and their children, Gardner said the proposal put “unequal treatment — unfairness — in the law.”

“All working people should be treated fairly and equally and be able to share the benefit of that labor with their spouses and families,” Gardner said.

However, Tim Nashif, political director of the anti-gay Defense of Marriage Coalition, said that Gardner’s concerns were unfounded.

“If someone wants to extend insurance to gay or lesbian partners, they don’t need permission and they don’t need a law,” he said. “It has nothing to do with marriage.”

Also, According to Nashif, it was inappropriate for Gardner to have expressed his opinion regarding the issue: “I think it’s very unfortunate that the labor commissioner of Oregon would use his office to promote the gay agenda.”

If the amendment fails to pass Nov. 2, the Oregon Supreme Court will hear a suit Nov.17 filed by nine gay couples who say that prohibiting them to marry violates equal protection under the state constitution. — JV

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vatican city — In a meeting with Canada’s new ambassador Donald Smith, Pope John Paul II urged Canada not to legalize same-sex marriage Sept. 7, while praising the nation for its peacekeeping efforts and international outreach to poorer nations.

“Established by the Creator with its own nature and purpose, and preserved in natural moral law, the institution of marriage necessarily entails the complementarity of husbands and wives who participate in

Oregon Labor Official Opposes Gay Marriage Ban

SEPTEMBER 16, 2004

sydney, australia — An Australian government-funded commission released findings Sept. 9 that children growing up in families headed by lesbian couples “do at least as well” as children from heterosexual families.

According to Dr. Ruth McNair, a University of Melbourne researcher, the findings of the study conducted by the Victorian Law Reform Commission call into question laws barring gay and lesbian couples from adopting children or from having children using in vitro fertilization (IVF).

“Having made a deliberate choice to have children, their parents are providing an effective and loving environment and equipping their children with skills that build resilience,” said McNair. “They also instill the value of acceptance of diversity in their children. In this way, parents and their children are positively contributing to our pluralist society.”

In another paper, Sonia Magri, a Melbourne law school lecturer, said she found that failing to give same-sex partners parenting rights could create dire problems for children in such families. “That’s a big issue for the child if they’re reared by this person but they have no entitlement to inherit,” she said. Also, in case the parents broke up, they would not have legal authority to make decisions for the child regarding such things as medical treatment.

She was quick to add, however, that her paper did not “take a position” on the issue of gay parental rights. “It’s not a matter of should this or shouldn’t this happen, but rather how do different jurisdictions address these issues and ultimately what’s the best outcome for a child.”

Current law in the Australian province of Victoria prohibits infertile women from receiving IVF treatment — including socalled “socially infertile” lesbians and single women. — JV

God’s creative activity through the raising of children,” said the pontiff. “Spouses thereby ensure the survival of society and culture, and rightly deserve specific and categorical legal recognition by the state.

“Any attempts to change the meaning of the word ‘spouse’ contradict right reason: Legal guarantees, analogous to those granted to marriage, cannot be applied to unions between persons of the same sex without creating a false understanding of the nature of marriage.”

Foreign Ministry spokesperson Kimberly Phillips said that while Canada understood the Pope’s position, Canada would allow gay and lesbian couples to marry if the high court ruled in favor of it.

“The government of Canada recognizes that this important issue will elicit strong views from all sides,” said Phillips. “In such a debate, it is important that the discussion is respectful of such difference of opinion.”

While Canadian federal courts have yet to rule on the issue, the provinces of Ontario, British Colombia and Quebec have recently legalized same-sex marriage. — JV

News NATIONAL AND REGIONAL

Gay Republican Wins Arizona Primary phoenix, ariz. — Openly gay senior Rep. Jim Kolbe, R-Ariz., won his party’s nomination Sept. 7 after defeating challenger Randy Graf in a heated campaign that touched on such issues as abortion and gay marriage.

On his campaign website, Graf wrote that Kolbe Rep. Jim Kolbe, R-Ariz. sought to redefine marriage and said Kolbe was “not supporting President Bush’s call” for a constitutional amendment barring same-sex marriage.

Kolbe has said that individual states should define marriage law.

The only openly gay GOP representative in the state house, Kolbe will run against retired Assistant Attorney General Eva Bacal in November. — JV

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Police Impound Anti-Gay ‘Truth Truck’ st. paul, minn. — Police impounded a truck belonging to an organization calling itself Minnesota Citizens in Defense of Marriage after it was involved in a nearriot at an AFL-CIO Labor Day rally.

The incident occurred Sept. 7 when volunteer truck driver Edmund Kuznia drove the so-called “Truth Truck” into the 12,000strong gathering. Featuring eight-foot high billboards of two men kissing with the phrase “Want Gay Marriage? Vote Democrat this November,” the vehicle caused immediate controversy at the predominantly Democratic gathering, attendees at which had gathered to hear vice-presidential candidate John Edwards speak.

After several of the rally’s participants surrounded the truck in protest, police arrested Kuznia on a misdemeanor charge for allegedly refusing an order to leave the premises — and for pinning an officer’s hand in the truck’s window, thereby causing a possible chipped bone.

“It’s unbelievable to me that this could happen in our country,” Jeff Davis, the president of the five-month-old anti-gay group, said the following day. “Ed was being attacked by the crowd.” The group was formed to promote state and federal laws banning gay marriage.

When asked about the wisdom of driving the truck into a Democratic gathering, Davis said, “I guess, in retrospect, that was the lesson learned.”

Saying that impounding the vehicle was “not uncommon for this type of incident,”

police spokesman Paul Schnell said the group can get the truck back if they provide proof of ownership and insurance.

They also must pay the impoundment fee.

The truck also appeared at John Kerry rally in Anoka on Aug. 26. However, the slogan’s intended irony apparently missed its mark here, as Democrats and supporters of gay marriage largely greeted it with a thumbs-up. — JV

California Initiative Would Limit School Discussion of Sex Issues sacramento, calif. — A proposed initiative would require parental consent before students could participate in classroom discussions on homosexuality and more than a dozen specific sexual activities.

Authored by a group calling itself Responsible Citizens, Inc. and other California neoconservative groups, the proposal would require parents of to give written approval at least 10 days in advance before classroom discussions on lesbianism, bisexuality, homosexuality or domestic partnerships — along with discussion of specific sex acts. Additionally, children in first through sixth grades would be forbidden to hear any discussion of homosexuality.

Under current California law, educators must give parents the dates when HIV/ AIDS education will be taught at the beginning of each school year. Parents may also elect not to have their children attend sex education classes.

“Some [topics] may be objectionable, others may not,” said Art Croney, the group’s president and co-author of the initiative. “But parents need to be aware of this. We’re not talking reading, writing and arithmetic.”

Although Croney added that his proposal was only meant to prohibit discussion of specific sex acts, not academic discussions as to whether a certain historical figure was gay or lesbian, the initiative’s language does not distinguish between two such discussions.

This fact has lead some, such as Patrick Mitchell, manager of a Vista Community Clinic offering sex education seminars to local schools, said the initiative could prevent students from hearing scientifically based discussions about sexuality. “The danger is not discussing [sexual activities],” he said. “There are a lot of myths that teens are hearing about, and a lot of times there’s no place for them to discuss” such topics.

Nicole Kent, organizer of North County gay and lesbian youth group Circle of Friends, said the initiative had “scary” implications for gay and lesbian students.

“They’re pretty much receiving the message that who they are is not even to be discussed,” she said.

The initiative may appear on the 2006 primary ballot if supporters garner the required 374,000 signatures. — JV

Impartial Analysis of Amendment 3 Warns of Possible Legal Issues

by JoSelle Vanderhooft olympia, wash. — Thurston County Superior Court Judge Richard Hicks ruled Sept.

7 that Washington’s state ban on gay marriage was unconstitutional on the grounds that the state cannot limit the legal benefits of marriage to heterosexual couples alone.

The ruling, along with a similar ruling in King County, will be appealed to the state Supreme Court.

Washington may not be the only state where laws against gay marriage may be deemed unconstitutional. According to a recent impartial analysis, Utah’s proposed Amendment 3, which would amend the state constitution to ban gay marriage, could face a similar fate.

The analysis, available online at elections.utah.gov since Sept. 7, says that while the proposed amendment avoids the possibility of legal challenges other states have faced over the constitutionality of anti-gay marriage statutes by amending the constitution, the amendment may violate the U.S. Constitution’s Equal Protection Clause. It would do so because it “creates a classification of persons to whom the right to marry is not available.” Additionally, the analysis raises concerns over amendment 3’s controversial second sentence, which would prohibit gays and lesbians from forming any type of union that would provide a similar legal effect to marriage.

“The scope of that prohibition may be more precisely defined by Utah courts as they interpret the provision in the context of lawsuits that may arise,” the analysis reads.

It is the specter of these lawsuits which concern several Utahns, including Attorney General Mark Shurtleff and his two challengers. In August, the three men issued a joint statement condemning what they saw as the amendment’s “overly broad language.” At this time, Shurtleff also said he was concerned that the amendment’s second part could keep gay and lesbian couples from having basic legal protections, such as hospital visitation and police intervention in incidents involving domestic violence.

Nonetheless, amendment supporter Bill Duncan, an attorney for the Sutherland Institute, a conservative think tank, said that the amendment would be found constitutional because Utah lawmakers would interpret it narrowly and because it, unlike amendments proposed in such states as Nebraska, allegedly does not specifically prohibit legal recognition of such things as civil unions and domestic partnerships.

“If any court were to rule against Amendment 3, it would be a pretty new, pretty radical step,” Duncan told the Deseret News Sept. 6. “We have no reason to believe currently that anything like that will happen.”

Sen. Chris Buttars, R-West Jordan, the Senate sponsor of amendment 3 and cochairman of the Constitutional Defense of Marriage Alliance, agreed.

“The wording is the combined work of a handful of legal constitutionalists,” he said. “Every word is word-smithed.

We knew it would come under this kind of fire. I believe we’ll be sued … I believe we’ll prevail.”

Gay Republicans Refuse to Endorse Bush

by JoSelle Vanderhooft

Participants in Baker, Nevada’s second Diversity Day celebration visit Lehman Cave at Great Basin National Park.

Shortly after this picture was taken, Chip “Marci” Maloy (second from the front) stopped breathing and was taken

by Life Flight to University Hospital. At press time his condition had stabilized and he was breathing on his own.

Three Rural Towns Host Gay Celebrations

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Wendover and Baker, Nevada and Springdale, Utah residents found themselves surrounded by gay and lesbian people as the three towns were home to seperate events over the past two weekends.

Gay Wendover Weekend, held by Salt Lake Metro, drew hundreds of locals and people from Salt Lake, Las Vegas and Reno for four days of parties, gaming and contests. The event made the front page of the Wendover Times as the city’s “first gay celebration.”

The second Southern Utah Pride was held at Springdale Town Park and the O.C. Tanner Amphitheater the weekend of September 4–5. A film festival followed by a show lighted by police car spotlights and a dance using the same cars’ beacons and strobes was held Saturday night. A pride festival followed on Sunday with booths, performances and free HIV testing provided by the Utah AIDS Foundation.

Baker, Nevada held its second Diversity Day at the Border Inn Resort on September 11. With a To Wong Foo feel, most of the town’s residents participated, including a groom-to-be and his fellow bachelor party friends who donned dresses to join in the fun. A barbecue, performances and crowning of 16 year old Michelle Cahill as Baker’s first Diversity Queen rounded out the day.

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Marriage Amendment.

Despite these setbacks, Guerriero said that his organization still supports many of the Bush administration’s key policies, including the war in Iraq.

“As principled Republicans, we believe in our party’s commitment to a strong national defense and a confident foreign policy,” he said. “We especially applaud the President’s leadership in cutting taxes for American families and small businesses, his belief in free market principles and his compassionate and historic leadership in the global fight against HIV/AIDS.” Gordon Storrs, president of Utah’s Log Cabin Republican chapter, said that Bush’s failure to “do what he promised” for gay and lesbian Americans left the Log Cabin Republicans “in a real quandary” — particularly as its members are “every bit as mainstream Republican as anyone else.”

Storrs also said he is concerned that some Republicans on the far right have attempted to usurp the party for their own purposes.

“The ultra right is trying to divide this party or has already, and that’s contrary to the tradition and history of the party,” he said.

“It’s been a party of inclusion — or at least it’s prided itself in being that.”

According to Storrs, the LCR charter prohibits the organization from endorsing a non-Republican candidate for president.

Therefore, Log Cabin Republicans must simply form their own judgments when selecting a presidential candidate this November.

SEPTEMBER 16, 2004

washington, d.c. — The Log Cabin Republicans board of directors voted overwhelmingly Sept. 8 to refrain from endorsing President Bush’s re-election bid. Instead, in a 22-2 vote, the nation’s largest group of gay and lesbian Republicans decided to spend the next two months campaigning for “inclusive Republican candidates for the U.S. Senate and House of Representatives,” according to Ohio Log Cabin Board Chairman William Brownson.

“There is a battle for the heart and soul of the Republican Party, and that fight is bigger than one platform, one convention, or even one president,” said Patrick Guerriero, executive director of LCR. “Every victory by fair-minded Republicans is a victory for the future of our party. We have made it clear that we can either be the party of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Rudy Giuliani or we can be the party of Alan Keyes and Rick Santorum.”

The decision marks the first time since the 1993 opening of its Washington D.C. that LCR leadership has not endorsed the Republican presidential nominee. The organization endorsed Bob Dole’s 1996 presidential bid as well as George W. Bush’s previous campaign.

Exit polls from the 2000 election estimated that nearly one million gays and lesbians voted for the current president,

including 50,000 in Florida. Bush won favor among conservative gays and lesbians due to election-year willingness to meet with organizations such as the LCR. At that time, Bush said the meeting had deeply moved him, and that he welcomed gays and lesbians as part of the American family. According to the LCR, the Bush administration initially sought to maintain anti-discrimination protections for gay and lesbian federal workers, and to extend survivor benefits to domestic partners whose loved ones died in the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

Last February, however, Scott Bloch, director of the U.S. Office of Special Counsel, shocked gay and lesbian federal employees by announcing he was reviewing the policy to determine if it really was illegal for the government to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation. The move came one month after Bloch, a Bush appointee, unilaterally removed information on the OSC’s website and internal documents stating that discriminating on the basis of orientation was illegal in the federal workplace. OSC documents had included such information since 1995.

In the following months, Bush announced his support of a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage, and the Republican Party rejected LCR’s proposed Platform Unity Plank in favor of the so-called “protecting marriage” plank, which favors a Federal

WILLIAM H. MUNK, PUDDLE PRODUCTS

Washington Gay Marriage Ban Declared Unconstitutional

Opinion

Amendment 3: ‘Substantially’ Flawed Before every election, the Utah State Elections Office releases its voter information pamphlet, which offers data on candidates and issues slated to appear on the ballot. The 2004 pamphlet contains information about Amendment 3, the measure which, if approved by a simple majority of Utah voters, will forever alter the Utah State Constitution to not only forbid gays and lesbians from marrying, but to also deny any “substantially” equivalent legal rights to unmarried couples.

Here’s how the question will look on the ballot:

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Shall the Utah Constitution be amended to provide that: (1) marriage consists only of the legal union between a man and a woman; and (2) no other domestic union may be recognized as a marriage or given the same or substantially equal legal effect?

The pamphlet offers an “impartial analysis” of the amendment, followed by arguments both for and against the measure. The analysis contains a rundown of some of the amendment’s likely effects — it protects Utah’s anti-gay marriage laws from lawsuits based on the state constitution, although it does nothing to prevent gay and lesbian couples from suing under the Equal Protection Clause of the U.S. Constitution — but it also admits that the amendment itself is likely to generate lawsuits.

According to the analysis, “The scope of that prohibition [against gay marriage] may be more precisely defined by Utah courts as they interpret the provision in the context of lawsuits that may arise.” Until the issues are decided by the courts, nobody really knows how sweeping these prohibitions against rights for gay couples will be — it is possible that, in the hands of a right-wing judge, this vaguelyworded amendment will make such things as company health benefits, hospital visitation rights, and inheritance rights completely illegal in this state.

Or not, depending on the judge’s mood that day. The

problem is nobody can tell what this amendment would do if it were allowed to take effect.

The amendment’s sponsors argue that it’s not that bad; it’s just “protecting traditional marriage” from attacks by “activist judges.” However, if they were really serious, they would have included language listing the myriad legal rights given to heterosexual marriage couples, detailing which of those would be denied gay couples.

The problem with that approach is that a constitution is not really the place for that sort of thing — the devil is in the details, and the details belong in the Utah State Code, where prohibitions against gay marriage already exist.

Following the analysis are the usual arguments for and against, and rebuttals to those arguments. The anti-gay arguments come courtesy of — surprise — Sen. Chris Buttars, one of the amendment’s sponsors. Buttars is not only against gay marriage qua marriage, but is terrified even of compromise solutions — such as domestic partnerships — which grant a portion of legal rights to gay couples.

Buttars writes that the amendment “does not promote intolerance, hatred or bigotry.” He bases this on a recent Florida court decision upholding a ban on gay adoptions — apparently saying that since anti-gay bigotry is not endemic only to Utah, it’s really part of the American way. Nobody wants to be labeled a bigot, so of course the amendment’s supporters will feel relieved by Buttars’ exculpation.

Bigotry may be the only field in which Buttars is an expert. By comparison, Rep. Jackie Biskupski co-authored the argument against the amendment along with Dr. and Mrs. Gary Watts and University of Utah law professor Terry Kogan. Doctors and lawyers hate this amendment — they see the grave damage it is capable of doing to our state and its people.

There is one clear choice this November. It is the choice supported by Salt Lake Metro, and all clear-thinking individuals: to vote “no” on Amendment 3.

From the Editor The Bush Queers

by Brandon Burt In a move that seemed surprising to some, gay Republicans decided last week not to endorse President Bush’s reelection candidacy. Now, of course, the 22-2 vote by the national board of the Log Cabin Republicans wasn’t entirely unanimous — but it was close enough. The vote represented a show of backbone that, until recently, has been lacking in the LCR. Still, those two votes in favor of Bush are a bit … well, mystifying. After all, we’re talking about a president who not only favors making gays and lesbians the first minority group since slaves to be explicitly discriminated against in the U.S. Constitution.

(Of course, lots and lots of non-white, non-heterosexual, and/or non-male folks face unconscionable discrimination in this country — but how many are unfortunate enough to actually have that discrimination written into one of the nation’s most revered documents?)

So, basically, there are two people holding leadership positions in a national, high-profile gay organization who think Bush is doing such a super-duper job out there in D.C. or Texas or wherever it is he spends all his time that it’s okay he’s willing to toss gays to the hounds. The hounds in question are, of course, the radical religious right, which has hijacked the GOP and over 20 years or so of careful and insidious planning has transformed it into an institution so backward and fear-driven it would be unrecognizable as a major American political party if it weren’t draped in red, white and blue bunting.

Who are these two people who voted to endorse Bush’s candidacy? Is it possible that they’re so foaming-at-themouth rabid that the threat of a lukewarm moderate like Sen. Kerry occupying the White House blinds them to the clear and present danger of the Bush administration?

The entire LCR has taken up the GOP’s “flip-flopper” mantra whenever describing Kerry — one of the dullest, most simple-minded slogans in campaign history. Of course, thoughtfulness is not widely valued among Republicans, but one would think the gays in that party would have enough wit to come up with a clever way of saying that Kerry sometimes changes his mind. (As it is, accusing somebody of being a “flip-flopper” just sounds … so 1932.

They may as well call him a flibbertigibbet, or say he’s full of horsefeathers.)

Surely they know that saying the word “flip-flopper” is about as attractive as having spinach stuck in your teeth.

But that’s just the way politics goes sometimes: You grit your teeth and use the slogan decided upon by the steering committee, no matter how it sticks in your throat.

The question comes up time and again: Why would any self-respecting gay person choose to be a Republican? According to the LCR’s stated position, it’s because of “issues that bring us together: lower taxes, strong national defense, personal responsibility and a commitment to individual liberty.”

Notice that in this statement the LCR is clever enough not to use that other Republican mantra: “fiscal responsibility.” The borrow-and-spend Bush administration has been so economically reckless, turning a huge national surplus into an unprecedented deficit — in effect, saddling each American with a debt he or she never signed for — only the most strident, lockstep Republicans are willing to talk about economic health this year.

So what of the two Bush queers? Two possibilities: They’re so wealthy — within the top one percent of the country’s richest people — that they can honestly say they are better off today than they were four years ago. Either that, or they’ve got radio implants in their heads controlled by Cheney.

At times, the gay community does act in self-destructive ways. There are all kinds of explanations for this, but it’s something we’ve got to own up to if we’re ever going to heal.

Still, it’s hard to imagine anybody being self-destructive enough to vote for Bush. Maybe the Bush queers were just brain dead that day after a weekend tweaking on crystal meth.

Letters Bush Pro-Movement Editor: In a recent address to the anti-abortion constituency, President Bush said three times that he was supportive of the right to life for every living “feces.”

I believe movement (apt word) in feces is due not to the feces itself, but to creepy-crawly insects, microbes, and nasty little maggots. Does our president truly wish to put the weight of his presidency behind the preservation of these creatures?

Noreen Rathbone

union of a man and a woman. All other unions between a man and woman are civil unions, which have mistakenly been called “marriage.”

With this belief — and it is a fervent belief — I ask: Where in the world does the government get the right to define in any way a religious ordinance, ceremony, or institution?

“Marriage” belongs to religion, and the Constitution clearly forbids its establishment by law.

Utah’s proposed Amendment 3 is inappropriate in whole, and government should stay out of religion.

Dennis Morrison Salt Lake City

Letters to the Editor Salt Lake Metro welcomes letters from our readers. Rants, gushes, thoughtful diatribes, pats on the backs, incredulous expressions, rabble-rousing raves and maudlin sob stories are all welcome!

Write us at: Metro Publishing, Inc. 352 S. Denver Street, Suite 350 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 or email letters@slmetro.com or fax 801-323-9986 Salt Lake Metro reserves the right to edit for clarity and brevity. Letters under 300 words are given preference. True, full name, address and phone number must be included for verification purposes.

Salt Lake City

Legal “Marriage” Unconstitutional

by Janice Eberhardt

Events Editor reg Harrison Sports Editor David Nelson Contributing Writers Scott Abbott, Brandie Balken, Lee Beckstead, Xenia Cherkaev, Janice Eberhardt, Jace Garfield, Beau Jarvis, Lynette Malmstrom, Laurie Mecham, LaDonna Moore, Rob Orton, William T. Park, Scott Perry, Jim Pitts, Nicholas Rupp, Mandy Q. Racer, Ruby Ridge, Joel Shoemaker, Jim Struve, Darren Tucker, JoSelle Vanderhooft, Ben Williams Photographers Lucy Juarez, William H. Munk, Shauna Sanchez Art Director Michael Aaron Graphic Designer Kris Kramer This issue’s cover illustration by Jim Rengstorf Sales Director and Office Manager Steven Peterson Sales Executives 801-323-9500 | 877-870-0727 Sebastian Cruz | sebastian@slmetro.com Bob Tubbs | bob@slmetro.com Distribution Steven Peterson Courtney Moser, Northern Utah Copyright © 2004 Salt Lake Metro.

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Salt Lake Metro is published bi-weekly on alternating Thursdays by

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There couldn’t have been a more scenic setting for the Second Annual Southern Utah Pride celebration Sept. 5. The sun in clear blue sky warmed the immense red and white sandstone towers of Zion National Park that surrounded the gathering in Springdale Town Park. The amplified voices and music echoed off the 1,000-foot stone walls.

Unfortunately, not all of those words were inspiring.

At the expense of sounding like a prudish, middle-aged lesbian, I found that some of the performers seemed terribly out of place in that beautiful environment. One drag queen in particular sounded far more caustic than humorous, trying to appeal exclusively to the young gay men in the audience. The problem was the audience of about 150 also included children, lesbians and gayfriendly straight people.

Event director Chris Bradshaw and his friends spent an incredible amount of time and energy in organizing Southern Utah Pride this year. The city of Springdale welcomed and graciously accommodated the event. The audience seemed to genuinely appreciate their good work. Yet I felt that one or two performers spit on the collective efforts, the town’s welcome mat, the setting, the gentle people in the audience, and upon themselves too with their acidic words.

How proud can you feel when you’re indiscriminately hurling insults and crude language? It definitely produced a negative effect. When the most offensive drag queen asked a young man to introduce “her” performance, the guy addressed the audience as “motherfuckers.”

I realize that the words “bitch” and “bastard” are as much a drag queen’s accessory as her wig, but professional performers need to consider their entire audience and realize they might have

to make some adjustments for a mixed audience in an outdoor setting. Some apparently cannot adapt to performing anywhere but in gay bars.

Other performers did have the sensitivity and ability to adjust to their environment. Drag queen Miss Kitty Litter bantered on stage with comedian Aimee Selfridge about their kids. Their humorous exchange revealed the commonality and pride of gay parenting.

I looked at the overall effect of everyone who projected their voices over the microphone in the park that afternoon and evening. Those who spoke of empowering things gave something to the audience. Those who spoke disrespectfully took something away from the audience. All of those amplified words — positive and negative — echoed off the mighty towers of Zion National Park, a unique and amazing place that attracts people from all over the world. I felt ashamed for those who do not realize the negative power of their words.

Pride is supposed to be a celebration about being who we are. Do we really need performers who make us feel bad about ourselves and divide us from each other? As Lucie Blue Tremblay said to the audience that evening, Pride is about respecting ourselves and each other.

Bradshaw did the detail work of corresponding, negotiating and worrying so that gay people could come enjoy a lovely afternoon and starry evening of free entertainment, information and socializing in the town park.

In return, each participant brought something to the event with them. Some scraped up enough courage to be out at a gay celebration in small Southern Utah town. Others brought hope — hope for acceptance.

Imagine setting the example to the majority that we need to care about each other, no matter who we love. That’s the celebration what I want to hear echoing off those awesome sandstone walls in Zion. By then, we’ll be in harmony with that gorgeous environment.

Editor Brandon Burt

SEPTEMBER 16, 2004

Editor: I consider myself a reasonable, average, 41 year-old person. I was born in Utah and have lived here most of my life. I’ve lived outside the state just long enough to realize how clean our streets are and that there really aren’t any “truly scary” places in the Salt Lake valley.

It is a shame that the following point of view will likely not be seen by as many people as I would wish, however, I believe I must voice my opinion, if for no other reason than to reserve my right to complain later.

The heated topic of the time seems to be Amendment 3 and its (growing in fame) second sentence. I, however, disagree with the entire amendment.

Based on the numerous religious weddings I have attended, it seems that “marriage” as the union of a man and woman is considered a religious institution, ordained by God. Churches lay claim to the invention of the term “Marriage” and to its official process.

Article 1 of the U.S. Constitution reads, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

Following the requirements of the Constitution, it appears the Government being bound to make no law respecting an establishment of religion, created its own requirements for civil recognition of religious marriage by requiring a marriage licenses. Isn’t it the marriage license — not the religious ceremony — which bestows the civil benefits and restrictions, creating the legal union?

I know of a number of persons — my soon-to-be-ex mother-in-law being one of them — who believe that if the ceremony is not performed by a member of clergy in a special religious ceremony the union may be legal but it is not a marriage in the eyes of God. I believe marriage is indeed a religious

Acidic Words Mar Beauty of Pride Celebration

Publisher Michael Aaron

AberRant Does This Column Make My Ass Look Fat?

by Laurie Mecham

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SEPTEMBER 16, 2004

Is anyone else having a reaction to Bill Clinton’s quadruple heart bypass surgery? He looked good at the Democratic convention. He had been exercising and had lost some weight.

In spite of looking the picture of health, apparently he had most of the Seven Warning Signs for heart disease. I’m not sure what they are. I know we’ve all heard them. Let’s see: 1. A family history of dysfunction.

2. A mole in the White House.

3. Denial (or is it bargaining?)

4. Traces of blood in the stool that are not explained by — you know — certain behaviors.

5. Multiple intelligence warnings of a terrorist attack.

6. Nagging conscience lasting more than a few weeks.

7. Sudden tightening in the pants.

The heart surgery was a big surprise to Clinton and to many of us. I admit that the news has gotten me thinking about my own health. I’m not talking about crazy things like exercise. I believe that people should be careful about drastic behavior changes, such

as getting off the couch to change channels.

In evaluating my current fitness regimen, I realized that it consists of exercises in futility, followed by feeling stretched. But like most people I would do well to slowly introduce healthy new practices. For example, I’m thinking about switching to light beer sometime; maybe buy some dental floss.

Healthy little steps like that.

Now about my comment that Clinton had lost weight and was looking healthy — I’ll admit that I have mixed feelings about saying that. I don’t want to be one of those people who correlates size with desirability.

(Oh, stop it, boys. I’m talking about weight.)

I know that our culture is totally screwed up and that eight year-old girls go on diets and I can’t even begin to tell you how distraught I was to learn that the celebrity known as Mary-Kate-and-Ashley was in the Betty Ford So-Rich-I-Could-Just-Puke Spa. Intellectually, I know that every single model in every advertisement and fashion publication has been airbrushed to the point that they are unrecognizable to their own mothers, and I thrill to see a woman with some substance who just loooves her bad self. But for me, looking in the mirror is a whole other experience: Where the casual observer may see a middle-aged woman with obvious hair color assistance and thick, funky glasses, I see the sag, the bulge, and the unmatched eyebrows.

And I definitely see the weight.

Now, like Bill Clinton, I’ve been a lot heavier in my time. I dealt with it by going

into denial about the whole neck-down thing, checking out only my face and hair in the mirror. I was the first to make selfdeprecating jokes.

Then I really made an effort to love my bigger self. I bought shirts and blouses that emphasized my cleavage. (That is one advantage to being plus sized: Every big girl gots cleavage!)

I was thrilled when Mode magazine came out, because it featured Emme and other plus-size models. But as I compared the way the models looked with the way I looked, I realized it isn’t about size at all. It’s about age — or more precisely, collagen.

Collagen is the factor that makes youthful skin look youthful. Take away the collagen, it doesn’t matter how you dress it up or spread it out: Gravity wins every time.

Anyway, when I got sick enough of the way I felt, I got on a program and I lost weight. This was a big deal for me, as it was not something I had ever done on purpose.

I mean, I’ve had the flu for a week and dropped five pounds, and I lost pregnancy weight by nursing (and of course by expelling the baby). But intentionally losing weight through some kind of discipline was a very new, frightening and ultimately enlightening experience.

A couple of years ago, I kept hearing stories of women I knew who had had success on Weight Watchers. Many of these women were otherwise unimpressive. To be more precise, I thought that I was hipper and more together than they were. So I figured if the West Valley pork rinds crowd could lose weight, then I could too.

My daughter Emily coerced and manipulated me — some would call it “supported” — until I reluctantly agreed to join up with her. Our hope was that she could lose her five pounds and I could lose my 20 … kilos.

Now, it is important that you understand something about me: I do not like being told what to do. I particularly do not like being told what I cannot do. And I straight up hate being told what I cannot eat. Because I will show them: “Oh, I can’t eat any carbohydrates? Tell that to my mail order case of cinnamon sugar flavor Stacy’s Pita Chips. Lay off the alcohol? Sure, pal, right after I finish this cosmopolitan. I mean, this pitcher of cosmos.”

I guess you could say that I have a little attitude issue.

Weight Watchers seems to have a lot of money, what with hiring Sarah Ferguson as a spokesperson and keeping their ads popping up on every website. Why, then, don’t they funnel a few bucks to their Salt Lake City chapter to nab a better venue?

It is common knowledge that Utahns wash their Prozac down with a lot of ice cream and that we have a bit of a weight problem here. By rights, Utah should have the Bellagio of Weight Watchers facilities.

Instead, the cultural hall at the local ward would be more appealing than this dark, 1970s-era-sluggish-economy, dark and depressing, generic, fail-in-three-yearssmall-business building where the Salt Lake meetings are held.

But enough about that. I’m here to talk about me. This is the e-mail that I sent to my sisters: Did I mention that Emily and I joined Weight Watchers™? We did, although I had to drag her kicking and screaming. I’m feeling pretty good about it, and I’ve been able to follow the plan all day!

I have had a productive afternoon at work searching the web for Palm™ tools to track my Food Points™. At the introductory meeting, this sweet and special woman started by saying, “My, we have a big group tonight!”

I replied loudly, “Thanks for calling us a big group.”

She quickly retorted, “Oh! A Weight Watcher™ with a sense of humor!” — like that was a first. I’m thinking you’d better have a sense of humor to submit to a public weighin. I just did the usual before they weighed me: removed all excess clothing, shoes, belt, and earrings, emptied my bladder, blew my nose.

When we got home, Emily used her Pointsfinder™ to figure out the points on the food in the fridge and the cupboard and she wrote the number on the packages with magic marker.

In the meantime, I searched the web for caloric totals of every variety of alcohol. (I was actually doing this more for Emily’s benefit. She had complained that “they don’t have any books for my age group: the binge-drinking age.” I was trying to help.)

Later that night, my boy Jack was fixing himself some dinner. He asked how come everything in the kitchen had points written on it. Emily told him it was so he could win. He probably will.

Later, when I had lost 16 pounds, I wrote them again, because that seemed like a significant milestone — not just your fivepound daily anomaly. My older sister wrote back, “You go, girl! I am so happy for you, even though it does leave me as the only fat one.”

Anyway, to shorten this long story, I was actually able to do this program. I did not get angry and resentful. Over a period of several months, I lost 50 pounds — the equivalent of a good-sized dog, or onethird of a bad girlfriend. I felt really good about it: I looked good, and I threw away three wardrobes of different sizes so that I would never be able to wear those clothes again. People with whom I worked looked at me as a role model and were inspired to do what I was doing.

At one point, I decided that I should become the lesbian Spokesmodel for WW — but then I realized I was making assumptions. Who was I to say that their next commercial wouldn’t have this script: “Hello, I’m Sarah, Duchess of York. I’ve found success in life with the Weight Watchers winning points system. Oh, by the by, touch Jodie Foster and I’ll kick your ass.”

Meanwhile, back in what we call real life (except that it’s in Utah), I’ve been stressed and happy and I’ve relaxed a bit — although my clothes have done just the opposite. They have become uptight and binding and irritable.

So after a lot of stalling, I decided to get back on the wagon. I did a little preparation — the old “crammin’ for the famine” eating routine — but ultimately I lost the argument with my only pair of jeans that fit. So I’m counting points again, making the heartbreaking decision between having a glass of wine or a chicken breast, stocking up on low-fat microwave popcorn, sugarfree Jell-O and Cool Whip.

And, by making this public declaration, I’m stuck with the decision. I know you’ll be watching for my car at Crown Burger. When you’re out of town, you’ll look for me in the buffet line in the Wendover casinos.

That’s okay. I’m out of the closet.

I’m counting points, and I’m not ashamed.

Laurie Mecham is only in it for the money — the money and the hookers.

Unplugging the X-Box War

by William Todd Park

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SALT LAKE METRO

War is the ultimate common denominator. It always brings out the true nature of those in the middle of it. Tales of heroism, valor, and nobility overshadow the ugliness and the gruesome carnage that is the reality of war. Movie producers hear these incredible stories and a split second later, that familiar cha-ching in their heads sounds, throwing the mercenary Hollywood machinery into high gear. The glitterati don a perfectly fitting uniform, run around with a rifle, and a few months later, moviegoers find themselves whisked away to virtual battle lines for 112 blood-soaked minutes.

The credits roll and we discretely put the popcorn bucket and 55-gallon drum of soda under the seat for the ushers to find, sashay out to the car, and drive home to the peace of suburbia.

Unfortunately, it’s the video game version of war most Americans know and it’s the movie version that taints our perception of the nightly news footage.

The special effects, the Oscar awardwinning performances, and the distinct lack of violence in our lives have totally numbed us from the gravity of what is truly happening in Iraq.

Armed forces recruiters exploit the glamour, but the young men and women on the battlefield are experiencing the culture shock of a lifetime.

It’s anything but glamorous in a land of stifling heat, dust storms, and where the enemy isn’t always obvious. The Gen Y-ers are sporting the same uniform that electronic action heroes prance around in — but this isn’t a movie or a video game. When you get shot in this game, the blood and pain are real, and there isn’t a slot to throw a quarter in to get another shot at the bad guy.

When you lose in this game, they bury you. Game over.

That is, unless you are financing this particularly dirty business — just sign the check, right? Let’s put this action adventure into perspective. Public Laws 108-11 and 108-106 appropriated approximately $186 billion to finance U.S. military operations in Iraq.

That’s a lot of zeroes, boys and girls.

Now, if every single man, woman, and child in the metropolitan Salt Lake City area were earning the median income the Census Bureau says Utahns are making, it would take just shy of three

years to produce that kind of money. By way of comparison, the U.K. expends a scant $38.4 billion in a year for its entire defense budget.

The icing on the cake came when Mr. Bush stated Aug. 31 in an interview with NBC’s Matt Lauer. He said that the war on terror isn’t winnable, after stating publicly as recently as July 14 to the contrary.

Later his handlers went into emergency mode and tried to create the spin that Bush didn’t mean what he plainly said, but who’s flip-flopping now? For a leader of any kind to knowingly commit resources to a losing enterprise is unwise at best, but when thousands of lives and hundreds of billions of dollars are involved, it is categorically unconscionable.

In a recent speech, Dick Cheney warned supporters in Des Moines against voting for Kerry or “we’ll get hit again.” The audacity of placing the blame of potential terrorist attacks on voters is beyond ludicrous. That’s the equivalent of telling rape victims that they brought the assault on themselves for something they did or did not do.

The administration’s agenda looks more and more like dogmatic fear-mongering that Nobel laureate Elie Wiesel’s describes of terrorists themselves: “To the fanatic, everything is black or white, curse or blessing, friend or foe — and nothing in between. He perceives tolerance as weakness.”

Compassionate conservatism, my ass.

Bush retained the GOP’s nomination for four more years, rallying his Republican guard under the 9/11 banner. Since that time, our so-called war on terror has only increased the number of terrorist atrocities. The violent deaths in Madrid, Bali, Sudan, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Tel Aviv, Iraq, and most recently, again in Russia all witness to the failure of this war on an intangible.

Since it’s not likely we’ll ever win a war against an idea, the President aimed his own weapons of mass destruction against something he was sure to hit: Baghdad. After all, it seemed to work last time when dear old dad did it. Neither is it likely that we’ll ever win a war that is tactically and strategically outmoded.

But that’s another subject altogether.

The time for playing games with our service members’ lives has long passed.

The time for unplugging Washington’s X-Box has long passed. It’s high time that the people who supposedly make decisions on our behalf work on getting our best and brightest out of this game where no one wins.

No doubt, war has once again done its job and revealed the true nature of those in the middle of it, all the more so for the one who rattled his saber to start it.

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Ruby Ridge Living Stairway to Nordstrom

by Ruby Ridge

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So, darlings, a while back I was lunching at the Alta Club when former County Mayor Nancy Workman breezed in wearing the de rigueur Nancy Reagan power suit ensemble. The mere mortals in the room parted so she could regally promenade to her table.

Suddenly I had this eerie sense of déjà vu — and let me tell you why. Years ago, I was in Liberty House (it’s a high-end department store like Nordies) in Honolulu, when this rather nasty little woman and her security detail stormed through the place pointing almost randomly at clothes, while frantic minions scrambled to get her one item of every color in her size.

Yes, cherubs: I, Ruby Ridge, had crossed paths with Imelda Marcos who was in a post-Ferdinand, I-need-to-shop-to-easemy-pain, Lacoste feeding frenzy. Muffins, it was retail carnage, but you couldn’t avert your eyes — it was so mesmerizing.

Now I know some of you more hateful types are thinking, “Hmm — Imelda Marcos, Nancy Workman and Ruby Ridge.

Isn’t that the real axis of evil?” Well, stop it right now, you vindictive bitches! Anyone familiar with my questionable fashion sense is probably wondering, “Ruby, why were you of all people in such a high-end clothing store?”

The short answer is this: I wasn’t shopping there, peaches — I was using a shortcut to the mall’s lower level where there is the most amazing Japanese-Chinese-KoreanPhilippino-Hawaiian deli ever. I love that place! Even without my wig I have to duck to avoid hitting the dried and marinated ducks and chickens hanging from the ceiling. The place is a PETA nightmare, but they make great food, lots of it, and it’s cheap.

In contrast, the lawn clippings in

vinaigrette served up at the Alta Club that day was none of those things. But, hey — Blake Nordstrom was footing the bill, so what did I care?

The Nordstrom’s folks had brought together various community movers and shakers (I’m not really a mover or a shaker — I’m more of a jiggler) to pressure the Salt Lake City Council into rezoning the Gateway. Let me be perfectly clear, pumpkins: This was a complete unabashed political shakedown, and Nordstrom’s was going to get what it wanted or demolish the city council trying.

After awhile, the luncheon turned into a testimony meeting with most of the glitterati gushing about how they loved Nordies, and how they would ritualistically end their lives Hara-Kiri style if Nordstrom’s were ever to leave.

I was just rolling my eyes, thinking God forbid they should have to — oh, the unspeakable horror! — drive to Sandy.

The irony was most of the power brokers in the room were all wearing the Mr. Mac 1992 fall collection, and probably have never been asked by a real tailor if they dress left or right anyway.

That luncheon was a real eye opener, petals. It showed me just how business is conducted in this county, and how public servants like Nancy Workman use their office and influence. It was apparent by her comments that if it was her decision, she would do anything and say anything to move Nordstrom’s — not because it was the right thing to do or because the public would benefit, but because her developer friends wanted her to, and it was a chance to put the boot into Salt Lake City’s Democratic Mayor Rocky Anderson.

When Nancy’s well coiffed booking photo was released, I just wanted the camera to pull back so we could see her shoes. Imelda would be so proud!

Ruby Ridge is one of the more opinionated members of the Utah Cyber Sluts, a camp group of performers who raise funds for local charities. Her opinions are her own and fluctuate wildly due to toxic chemical reactions between Aqua Net, latex paints and George Bush’s approval ratings.

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SEPTEMBER 16, 2004

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Making Beautiful Music Together Utah Symphony and Opera Present Second Joint-Operation Season

by William Todd Park

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SEPTEMBER 16, 2004

IL

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O NGST

IM RE

BY J ATION LUSTR

Two years ago, two world-class artistic companies — the Utah Symphony and the Utah Opera — married and have been making, well, beautiful music ever since.

But they’re making more than music.

Under the direction of CEO/Opera General Director Ann Ewers and Symphony Music Director, Keith Lockhart, the two very different companies have been skillfully united and together, conducted through some financially perilous waters. Today, the Utah Symphony and Opera is not only continuing the legacy of illuminating our community with the classics, it is also showcasing lesser known productions and artists.

For some, that presents a hurdle. Many in the community are exceptionally partial to the recognized composers and opera productions and less open to the contemporary talents that the Utah Symphony and Opera presents. For others, it’s living proof that Salt Lake City has a vibrant soul.

This year, the operas that make up the palette celebrate the triumph of love. In addition to the more traditional favorites, Così fan tutte and A Midsummer Night’s Dream, the Utah Opera will co-produce the blockbuster Aida with L’Opéra de Montréal.

The troupe will also give us the rare opportunity to experience Jenufa, an operal

by Czech composer Leoš Janácek.

The season opens with Giuseppe Verdi’s Aida, the story proving that nothing can stand in the way of forbidden love. Aida, the daughter of Egypt’s greatest general, and an Ethiopian slave pay the ultimate price for their passion. Frances Ginsberg leads as Aida.

In January, Jenufa, makes its Salt Lake City debut. Jenufa is a drama of crime, true love, and two people finding happiness through forgiveness. Robert Breault portrays Števa, Jenufa’s beloved.

Benjamin Britten’s adaptation of the Shakespeare comedy A Midsummer Night’s Dream comes alive not at midsummer, but in the springtime.

Finishing out the season with a bang, Mozart’s Così fan Tutte takes center stage with George Dyer as Fernando. A comic story line, some of Mozart’s most beautiful music and our own Utah Opera make for a first rate production.

While some purists may cringe, the

Utah Symphony is likewise reaching out to diverse audiences with performances that include pops from composer Howard Shore of Lord of the Rings fame, as well as

by George Gershwin.

Broadway fans won’t want to miss the Symphony’s tribute to Fred and Ginger in “Bravo Broadway: Let’s Face the Music and Dance” or the season opener featuring Linda Eder of Jekyll & Hyde.

Capping off the upcoming season’s tour will be the symphony’s first European tour in nineteen years. To celebrate, the March 30 performance will feature Viviane Hagner in the Barber Violin Concerto.

For four weeks this summer, the Utah Symphony and Opera drew people from all over the world to the Deer Valley Music Festival. Surrounded by a cool, alpine, comeas-you-are setting, the hillside of the ski resort made an ideal amphitheater. Crowds with wine, cheese, and blankets were treated to some exceptional performances on the Deer Valley slopes. In addition to the resort itself, the festival included a number of venues, from intimate to open-air and an incredibly diverse program spanning the spectrum of the solemn Mozart’s Requiem to a comical Gilbert and Sullivan’s H.M.S. Pinafore.

Brainchild of Ewers and Lockhart, participating in the festival was literally a dream come true for the company and community alike. It once again put the Symphony and Opera into the limelight and put the Deer Valley event prominently on the festival A-list.

The intensity, class, and downright panache of performances that our Utah Symphony and Opera present take more than simple practice. There are the unsung heroes behind the scenes, without whom the artists themselves would seem to be merely performers. Those who make the scenery, the props, the costumes, and so much more truly put a professional edge to a singularly world-class organization.

It would seem that the merger of these two performing arts company makes perfect sense, but with any joint venture, there are the inevitable turf wars and parochial thinking, all the more so, when one considers the many nuances that make or break performances. Two years later, though, it is clear that both the art and the business behind the Utah Symphony and Opera are finely tuned.

Salt Lake Acting Company Serves up ‘Bad Dates’ ‘Madagascar,’ ‘Dust Eaters’ to Be Part of 2004-2005 Season

by Jim Pitts

(Two-Headed, Wait!, Last Lists of My Mad Mother) feels at home writing historical plays. “My dad was an amateur archeologist and I ran all over the [Utah] desert — now it runs through my head,” said Jensen.

Memories of the desert compelled Julie to write a 140-year history of Mormon and Native American relationships. Her father taught on the Goshute reservation near Tooele. “They were a small group of people and we moved them off. In many ways they

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Salt Lake Acting Company finished its 2003-2004 season with its 26th year of Saturday’s Voyeur, always a world premiere.

This year’s gloves-off telling of the crazy rants of our bubbas republicus used their own words from actual debates on samesex marriage. At show’s end, outside the theatre, volunteers from the Don’t Amend Alliance handed out yard signs to patrons and registered new voters. All told, 15,000 people saw the show.

With luck, next year’s Voyeur will continue in the same vein, but the 2004-2005 season offers more fascination for theatergoers: Bad Dates — The season opener features Jeanette Puhich (Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Saturday’s Voyeur), a local favorite, in her first equity one-woman show. According to Puhich, “I had to rent Mildred Pierce. A friend watches a Joan Crawford marathon and tells my character that Mildred Pierce is her — right down to the evil daughter.“ Julie White, for whom the play was written, starred in the world premiere production. Puhich will star in the Utah premiere.

Runs Sept. 21 through Oct. 17.

Madagascar — J.T. Rogers has brought Utah audiences two important plays: White People and Seeing the Elephant, and will no doubt provide a third. Madagascar was given two intensive workshops at SLAC. Now, with national acclaim for his works, a playwright in residency at SLAC, he will be returning to Utah for another year.

Jeanette Puich will appear in the one-woman show Bad Dates.

Director Gus Reyes (Seeing the Elephant) will return to direct. are like us — they settled in the desert and When asked from his home in New York learned to survive.” why this play was written now, J.T. said, Jensen compares the Goshutes to the “There is a lot of interest in the country for Mormon Pioneers who were forced to this play and it is nice to have a safe place make it here. to premiere it. Salt Lake Acting Company’s “In the Native American world, they are audiences are very savvy.”

According to Reyes, “This was a comat the bottom: the least attractive land, missioned premiere for SLAC. But, it was no horses. The Utes stole their children, completely hands off. SLAC was great. No sold them into slavery to the Spanish, and one told me what to write.” so there is something of a full circle-ness Reyes described the play’s story thus: about it.”

“I would say, like most of my stuff, it’s an She draws parallels between the Morimage: Put three people on stage, a woman mons and the Goshute struggle, and our talking, and let’s see what happens. [Madapre-emptive attack on Iraq: “Two cultures gascar is] a mystery thriller set in three separated by a lot of assumptions, by the different times — three different characters land that was taken, there is something sitting down at the same time. They play large and important to say about our arthemselves when speaking to us, and also rogance and presumption. The Mormons play the other characters in their memories claim that we helped them, but we didn’t.

— and none of them have all the pieces It’s important to look at what we really did; of the mystery.” Madagascar runs Nov. 16 what we are doing. Can we rectify this? Can through Dec. 12. we do better? It’s a political play.”

Polish Jokes — The Utah Premiere of David Dust Eaters runs April 5 through May 1.

Ives’s play. I could be wrong, but it sounds For more information call 363-SLAC or visit like a comedy. Runs Feb. 1 through Feb. 27. www.saltlakeactingcompany.org Dust Eaters — Playwright Julie Jensen

FALL ARTS PREVIEW

The cast of My Big Fat Utah Wedding camps it up outside the Desert Star Theater.

Desert Star Rising Murray’s ‘Squeaky-Clean’ Theater Offers Cabaret — and a Wine List To hear David Mong, SLAC literary manager, tell it, “Utahns want to see plays about themselves.” Because of this, he was not surprised to hear about the Desert Star Theater’s recent success.

Desert Star premiered a new work in its cabaret theater. My Big Fat Utah Wedding, written by local playwright Scott Holman, became a runaway hit. It sold out its 11-week run, leaving a waiting list of over 4,500 people — which may represent a Utah record for a locally-produced play.

Utah Wedding inspired an expansion at the Desert Star. A new dinner theatre, slated to open Sept. 30, will be a brand new space where patrons can eat a fullcourse meal — right down to green Jell-O and whipped topping — while watching the hit show and having a glass of wine.

Yes Virginia, Desert Star serves alcohol!

Buy your tickets now!

Holman acknowledges the “family theater” image has kept many patrons away. “In the old cabaret theater, it’s wacky melodramas. Our next season in the cabaret will be just that — but now that we have the dinner theater, we will run My Big Fat Utah Wedding as long as we can,” he said.

According to Holman, Utah audiences crave politically-themed humor about life in the Beehive State: “We have always loved [Salt Lake Acting Company’s perennial hit] Saturday’s Voyeur, and people are interested in what is going on in their lives — stories about our lives are what we want to point out.”

As far as the Desert Star’s squeakyclean image goes, Holman adds, “We have always had a liquor license, and now in our new dinner theater, we will have wine and drinks. We’re for people who love to come in and have a meal and a drink — and I think we are the only one in Utah!”

Known mostly for its original melodramas — which invite the audience to hiss, boo or applaud — the Desert Star’s 2005 cabaret fare is no surprise. Titles like Kicking the Hobbit and Legally Brunette will continue.

However, Holman hopes the addition of the dinner theatre, with its legally sanctioned booze, will prove to be a winner for Utah audiences.

Desert Star Theater and Restaurant is located at 4861 S. State Street in Murray. Shows rotate regularly; current offerings include “The Soap-ranos” and “My Big Fat Utah Wedding.”

For ticket info, call 266-2600 or visit www. desertstar.biz.

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by Jim Pitts

Dear Sane Advice:

saneadvice@slmetro.com Ask the experts about your deepest concerns.

Painting the Pain Salget’s Impressionistic Landscapes Express Fragility of Life

Ticket Holders Invited to Attend ‘Chocolate Party’

by Jim Pitts Plan-B Theatre Company is a relative newcomer on the theater scene, and is primarily a niche voice for Salt Lake City’s gay and lesbian community. While winning awards, Plan-B has barely scraped its potential surface.

As more and more of our neighbors leave religion and fears at home, Producing Director Jerry Rapier says Plan-B is reaching a new audience; “We are pursuing a Jerry Rapier liberal, open-minded audience, but I am constantly surprised to see people attending who I would not think would be attracted to our work.”

The world premiere of A Letter to Harvey Milk, Leslea Newman’s one-man show starring Yaron Schweitzer, is through Sept.

26 in the 75-seat Studio Theatre at the Rose Wagner. Schweitzer’s play tells of an elderly Holocaust survivor and his friendship with Harvey Milk, the first openly gay elected official in U.S. history.

The upcoming season includes Tragedy, a look at reality TV overload, 24-hour news channels and just how far the media will go to create the news they want to report.

Tragedy runs March 18 through April 3, also

at the Studio.

SLAM, a huge success in ’04, is scheduled to return May 21, for one night only, in the Rose’s 225-seat Black Box. This is the second annual foray into wackiness where writers, actors and directors create, rehearse and perform five 10-minute plays in 24 hours. Works premiered at Plan-B have gone on to be produced elsewhere.

And the Banned Played On, Plan-B’s third annual fundraiser, celebrates the First Amendment. The past two years have featured local luminaries and actors sharing excerpts from banned literature. This year, the shift is to banned music, backed by the musicians from the highly successful Plan-B production of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. The show runs one night only: July 19 at the 500-seat Jeanne Wagner Theatre.

Finally, Patient A will be running Sept.

9-25, 2005 in the Studio Theatre. This play looks at the controversial Kimberly Bergalis case — the first time a patient contracted HIV from a health-care practitioner — and provides a glimpse inside the politics and prejudice of AIDS. Season tickets will be on sale via their website, planbtheatrecompany.org, starting Sept. 27. Those attending performances of Harvey Milk or purchasing season tickets before Nov. 18 will be invited to attend Plan-B’s exclusive “Chocolate Party” Nov. 21 at Panini. Individual show tickets run from $18.

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say, ‘Well I do.’”

Like his French inspiration, Salget paints Sometimes Steve Salget has difficulty talkhis subjects plen aire, or outdoors. While he ing about his paintings, because they are so finishes some of the paintings outside “in close to his understanding of life. one sitting,” he says he sometimes reworks “It’s a healing thing, them later. a restoring thing,” the “I paint landscapes out-of-doors on the Utah artist said in an back of my pickup truck in a large format interview Sept. 12. “It’s on paper in a style I’ve developed over the my interpretation of past 15 to 20 years,” he explains. “I take what life is, and the driving trips and find places to paint I find experience of it, the joy inspiring. On a board I’ve built covering of it. That there is this the back of my truck, I paint by impression, beauty all around us.” inspiration, and feeling.

Born in Washington, “I paint what I see using primarily acrylSalget has traveled ic, spray paint, and soft pastel. I use other Steve Salget through the American materials as I feel along with chemicals and West for much of his life, to the point that water, producing texture. I generally work he can no longer remember if he travels to very quickly with the climate of the outpaint, or paints because of his wanderlust. of-doors as a determining factor in how “I tried to answer that question in myself the work progresses. I enjoy this evolveand decided that I didn’t know which one came first,” he laughs.

“They both kind of become connected because of the freedom of the landscape.”

And the Western region’s landscape is certainly well represented in Salget’s paintings, which have decorated the walls of a gallery at the Utah AIDS Foundation since Salget’s show opened last month.

Sparse and colorful, these paintings bear much resemblance to the work of Claude Monet, whose work Salget greatly admired when growing up. But unlike the French Impressionist’s paintings of water lilies and the Rouen Cathedral, Salget says his work focuses on his experiences with HIV and AIDS, particularly as he has been dealing with being HIV positive “for years.”

“In 1983, I was a bartender at the biggest gay bar in New Orleans,” said Salget in his written artist’s Steve Salget’s “Fruita Orchard, Spring” statement. “I have dealt with HIV/AIDS — either my as-you-work process — always producing own or those close to me since one started something in a different way.” hearing about it. For certain, it altered the Though the colors of such states as Necourse of my life.” vada, Louisiana and his native Washington Additionally, Salget thinks “HIV/AIDS have inspired his work, he has a special has propelled me to produce work I’ve liking for the Beehive State. most wanted to as life at times has seemed “I always thought Utah was the most fragile … in the sense that I may be less beautiful state,” he says. “With the color likely to see as many tomorrows as I might and variety in the landscape, there’s nothif HIV/AIDS weren’t directly a part of my ing like it.” daily life. Of course, upon living with this Salget also said he is glad to show his idea for a long time, I’ve learned that none work in a space which seeks to bring HIV of us as human beings have any true reliand AIDS-related issues to the communiance of a tomorrow.” ty’s attention.

Instead of focusing on pain, disease and “We’ve been getting a lot of good press,” death as some visual artists have done he says. “[The show] has been a real good when dealing with the virus, Salget says thing for both me and the foundation. he chose to work in his trademark vibrant Maybe it’s another comfortable way to get colors because the Western landscape people connected with the AIDS founda“restores me, and keeps me going.” tion as a community resource.”

“At one point people asked, ‘You’ve been Salget’s work is on display through Sept. 30 at through so much — why don’t you paint the Utah AIDS Foundation, 1408 S. 1100 East. the pain?’” he remembers. “In a sense I can

by JoSelle Vanderhooft

Plan-B Unveils 2005 Season

FALL ARTS PREVIEW

A Woman of Much Importance Max Robinson Transforms Into Lady Bracknell in Pioneer’s Twist on ‘Earnest’

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by Brandon Burt

Tracking down Max Robinson the final weekend of dress rehearsals before a show opens is no mean feat — which is how we came to be lurking outside the stage door Saturday night in a last-ditch effort to catch up with him.

Robinson is appearing in the current Pioneer Theatre Company production of The Importance of Being Earnest — but not in the role of Jack, Algernon, or even the Rev. Chaucuble. Casting in this production offers Utah audiences a gender-bending twist: Robinson is portraying Lady Bracknell.

Despite our ambush techniques, however — which some actors may have considered an imposition only a few nights before opening night — Robinson, in full Bracknell regalia, greeted us graciously and with aplomb, granting us an al fresco interview during the rehearsal intermission.

Oscar Wilde, the Dublin-born, Oxfordeducated aesthete, author, poet and playwright is remembered most for his cutting bon mots. The mercurial Robinson is by no means out of his element when it comes to quick-wittedness, and at more than one point we witnessed something of a miraculous transformation. First there would be the actor in costume, and at the next moment, there she was: the living, breathing — and frankly terrifying — Lady Bracknell.

Wilde’s plays continue to delight and entertain audiences more than a century after they were written. A brutal and devastating imprisonment at hard labor under England’s anti-homosexuality laws finally extinguished the flame of Wilde’s wit — although he lived on corporeally afterward for a few years, he was never able to rekindle the creative spark. At his death in 1900, he left the English-speaking world a body of work ranging from the sublime (A Woman of No Importance) to the spooky (The Picture of Dorian Gray) to the frankly tragic (The Ballad of Reading Gaol).

Earnest is representative of Wilde’s most scintillating comic work. While the exploits of Jack and Algernon — two men leading double lives split between London society and the English countryside — form the nucleus of the plot, Lady Bracknell takes center stage, remaining one of Wilde’s most memorable and harrowing characters.

Actresses from Edith Evans to Dame Judi Dench have famously chewed the scenery as the imperious and controlling Bracknell.

With the Pioneer production, Maxwell joins their ranks.

Max Robinson: This is odd — I’ve never done an interview in character. It’s like a magician giving away his tricks. You create an illusion, and suddenly I’m breaking the illusion.

Salt Lake Metro: We don’t want to spoil it for anybody; I just thought it would be entertaining if we could talk about what makes the Lady Bracknell character so memorable.

MR: Because she’s so over the top: authoritarian, oppressive, top-of-the-heap,

steamrolling over everybody for the sake of propriety. She’s a very strong woman — a combination of Mary Todd Lincoln, Margaret Thatcher, Janet Reno and Orrin Hatch.

Metro: Is this the first female role you’ve played?

MR: No — years ago over at Salt Lake Acting Company we did [Christopher Durang’s] Sister Mary Ignatius Explains It All for You about the wacky nun. It’s basically a one-woman show, and she explains Catholicism — everything about limbo.

She’s very stern.

The actress playing Sister Mary was Anne Stewart Mark and she was great. The show was a big success, so we decided to extend it for two weeks. Well, [Anne Mark] couldn’t do the extension; she had a prior commitment.

We thought, “Oh, who are we going to get for two weeks? This is a huge role.

Who could — wait a minute. Could I get away with it?” If I did it, I wanted it to be a real, creditable woman, not drag — a very strange woman, very odd. So I studied women, but because it was a nun, they’re odd also.

The biggest compliment I had was listening into the audience at intermission, and I heard a couple arguing: They were saying, “Oh, no, that’s a guy!” “No, that’s a woman!”

“No, it’s a guy – look at his hands! Come on, the hands give it away!”

So that was my introduction to the female part.

Metro: It sounds like Sister Mary and Lady Bracknell are both strong female characters.

MR: Oh yeah, that’s why you have a man.

I guess in [Dan Goggin’s] Nunsense it’s kind of a tradition to have one guy as a nun — an old one. And Bracknell — it’s kind of a tradition to have a guy do it at times, because the nature of the part is so quirky. In the play she’s called a monster — a gorgon!

Robinson demonstrates the sort of thing Bracknell might say, yet it is only a taste of the real transformation yet to come: MR: “Get out of my way, you twit!”

Metro: What’s your favorite Lady Bracknell line?

MR: “A handbag!” — it’s one of the most famous lines in the show.

Metro: How do you connect with this character, one who is such a controlling monster?

MR: How do I connect with it?

Metro: What do you bring to the role?

MR: Well, it’s a question every actor, even if he doesn’t do it consciously, addresses within himself for any role: “What part of me can inform this character?”

That’s one reason I got into theater, was to investigate what it is to be a human being. You do that by taking on other people’s skins, from Adolph Hitler to Mother Theresa and the whole spectrum in between them.

It’s all in there.

This role is a real hoop-de-do because it’s so off the wall! But to do it with conviction and authority and dignity — as a crazy, wacky lady! She’s insane with power …

Max Robinson as Lady Bracknell and Krista Hoeppner as Gwenlolyn in the Pioneer Theatre Company’s production of Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest.

It is at this point that Robinson’s transformation begins.

MR: … and she has every right to be!

The transformation is complete. Here stands Lady Bracknell before our eyes!

MR: I don’t know why you’re laughing — it’s not a funny matter! I’ll deal with you later.

And then, just as suddenly, he becomes Max Robinson again, describing what makes the play so beguiling: MR: The subtitle of the show is A Trivial Play for Serious People. It’s this juxtaposition of trivial things becoming deadly serious, but grand things are: “Oh, so he died — what of it?”

Metro: Oscar Wilde had a genius for throwing everything on its head like that.

MR: Epigrams turned on their heads — what’s the famous one? “One shouldn’t air one’s dirty laundry in public.” Here, it’s changed into “one shouldn’t air one’s clean linen in public — it’s very boring.”

Robinson disappears for a moment, then returns again accompanied by a milliner who is performing some last-minute adjustments on Lady Bracknell’s feathered hat.

After seeing this stunning — and hilarious — impromptu character performance

by Max Robinson, we wouldn’t miss it for the world.

“The Importance of Being Earnest” runs through Oct. 2 at Pioneer Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East. Tickets $20-$39; call 581-6961 to order.

Visit pioneertheatre.org for more information.

David Weisenberg contributed to this article.

Parting Shots

— Los Angeles Times —

Ririe

Woodbury Dance Company

NOMADS September 23-25, 7:30 PM Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center

One of the 10 best dance events of the year.

— New York Times —

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• In addition to Plan-B, the Rose Wagner Theatre is home to Pygmalion Productions, currently offering Popcorn (adults only), and Tooth & Nail, soon to open Pains of Youth. Call 355-2787 for tickets.

• Forget the rumors: Orem’s Hale Centre Theatre (commonly known as the “Taj-mahale”) is not becoming an Actors Equity house. But you can count on Richard G. Wilkins, BYU law professor and founder of Defend Marriage, a group promoting adding an anti-gay amendment to the U.S. Constitution, to reprise his role of Scrooge in Hale’s annual A Christmas Carol.

• Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays’ 30th Anniversary National Conference will be held in Salt Lake City Oct. 22-24. An event is scheduled for PFLAG at Abravanel Hall Oct. 21. Tickets range from $20 to $40. Call 355-ARTS for more information. — JP

"Movers and shakers worth remembering"

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Another transformation ensues. This

MR: You don’t raise your arms above you; it’s all very self-contained.

Metro: I have to say, it’s wonderful how you do that: Suddenly you become Lady Bracknell.

MR: [Mocking drunken, uncivilized, very un-Bracknell-like behavior] Yeah, well, let me tell ya baby, ya know what I mean?

[Snort] Metro: Well, thank you so much. It gives me chills. Is there anything else you’d like to add?

MR: Come see the show.

SEPTEMBER 16, 2004

MR: All the accoutrements, all this — I’ve done enough shows; this is nothing too odd.

I’ve played kings, period shows, Shakespeare. This is simply another character — a definite, specific character.

Metro: The costume looks like it weighs a ton. Is it heavy? Does it move?

MR: It’s pretty lightweight.

Metro: Do you find yourself altering your vocal inflections and your movements?

MR: Oh, yes — not only because it’s a woman, but it’s a woman of a specific period. And on top of that, a woman of a specific period of a specific class. On top of that, also of a specific age. There are all these layers which affect how you carry yourself.

time we get to see the way in which Lady Bracknell comports herself:

THE GAY AGENDA 16THURSDAY GRAND BABIES. A piano sale will be conducted for four days to benefit the Utah Symphony and Opera. A mixed stock of new pianos and those used by the symphony will be available.

Through September 18, Daynes Music, 6935 S State Street, Murray. 566-6090.

MODERN MOVES. Local choreographer Stephen Koester and Keith Johnson from California present an Evening of Choreography on the University campus.

Through Sept. 17, 7:30pm, Marriott Center for Dance Studio Theater. Tickets $5–10 at the door. 587-9808, dance.utah.edu

17FRIDAY SALT ON THE RIM. Salt Lake Art Center is presenting a special tour and panel discussion on one of the greatest environmental art projects on the edge of the Great Salt Lake — the Spiral Jetty by Robert Smithson. Due to low water levels, the jetty is visible for the first time since 1980. Tours leave on Friday and Saturday

mornings followed by a discussion with four experts on the artwork. An air tour is also available.

Sept. 16 – 17, Salt Lake Art Center, 20 S. West Temple. $150, 609-689-1051 x129.

IF WE DIDN’T LAUGH, WE’D CRY. Just in time for elections, this nationally recognized comedy troupe is musical political satire at its best. Based in the nation’s capitol, The Capitol Steps pride themselves on being “... the only people in Washington who attempt to be funnier than the politicians!” This election season, would you rather see famous public figures, or hear The Capitol Steps make fun of them?.

7:30pm, Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Circle, University of Utah campus. $25–35, 581-7100, kingsbury.utah.edu. Free parking at the Rice-Eccles Stadium with a shuttle.

18SATURDAY GREEK STYLE. Start your day in the crisp autumn morning air at the Classsical Greek Theatre Festival as they present

Rocker Patti Rothberg comes to MoDiggity’s Sept. 23.

the murder and deception-filled play, Agamemnon by Aeschylus.

9am, Saturday and Sunday, Sept 18–19.

University of Utah campus on the lawn at “the Rock” between the Marriott Library and the Olpin Union Building. $6–12. 581-7100.

A WALK THROUGH THE TURNING LEAVES. An intermediate hike up Millcreek Canyon climbs 200 feet in three miles. The leaves are turning up in the canyons, so this may be the best time of the year to drag out those dusty hiking boots.

10am, Chevron Gas Station, 201 S. 700 East. gayhike.org

HOB NOB FOR YOUR RIGHTS. The third annual Allies Dinner with special guest speaker former Arizona State Respresentative Steve May benefits Equality Utah.

6pm cocktails, 7pm dinner, Hilton Salt Lake City Center, 255 S. West Temple. $100, 355-3479, EqualityUtah. org

19SUNDAY

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A BIT OF KINK. Wasatch Leathermen’s Association revives the Blue Alley Fair with outdoor booths and a fetish gear ‘swap meet.’ Make sure to have a can of Lysol ready.

Live music by Phono and entertainment by the nastiest of the Cyber Sluts will be onstage as well as food vendors to sate your appetite.

Noon–5pm, Club 161, a private club for members, 14th West and 2nd South.

ART AGAINST AMENDMENT 3. Utah’s most controversial artist, Trevor Southey, presents his sculptures, paintings, drawings, etchings and lithographs in a rare Salt Lake showing as a benefit for the Don’t Amend Alliance. He will also be signing books throughout the day.

1–6pm, Kerrick Building, 263 S. Main Street.

LUCKY 13 The Trapp celebrates its 13th anniversary with a barbecue by Agnes.

4pm, The Trapp, a private club for members, 102 S. 600 West.

MUCHACHOS O MUCHACHAS? Latin Divas presents the Miss Mexico Beauty Pageant.

9pm, Trapp Door, a private club for members, 102 S. 600 West.

22WEDNESDAY A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD AND CHILI IN YOUR STOMACH The 18th annual Great Salt Lake Chili Affair benefitting the Salt Lake Community Shelter and Self Sufficiency Center, operated by The Road Home which has a yearly need for over $1 million in private money to operate

homeless shelters and provide programs to help people overcome homelessness.

Local restaurants serve up their best chili, cornbread and brews.

5:30pm, Salt Palace, 100 S. West Temple. $35, 359-4142, TheRoadHome.org.

23THURSDAY WANDERLUST. Ririe Woodbury presents Nomads by Douglas Nielsen, who returns to Salt Lake to bring a creation of dance that explores perceived and parallel realities through the creation of irreversible acts.

7:30pm, through Saturday, September 25.

Jeanne Wagner Theatre, 138 W. Broadway. $30, 355-ARTS, arttix.org.

ROCK ON. “It’s easy to hear echoes of Patti Smith... Rothberg sings as if the story was the most important part of her songs, and she’s right... Best of all, she makes it seem so much fun.” — Spin.

Rocker Patty Rothberg comes to Salt Lake for one night at MoDigg’s.

9pm, MoDiggity’s, a private club for members, 3424 S. State Street. 832-9000, modiggitys.com.

24FRIDAY BEAUCOUP BLACK MARKS. Confessions of a Mormon Boy returns to Salt Lake City. A special performance on the 24th benefits the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender Community Center of Utah. See the story at right.

8pm, Black Box Theatre, Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center, 138 W. Broadway.

355-ARTS, arttix.org.

LESBIANS WITH HAMMERS UNITE. Habitat for Humanity is asking for women volunteers to help build a home. All types of skills are needed. The goal is to build a home with maximum bra power.

9am–3pm, 7425 W. 2820 South. Erika Summers, 654-0638.

26SUNDAY PASS THE BEANS. The People with AIDS Coalition of Utah is thanking their supporterrs, clients and volunteers with an endof-summer “Super Duper Summer BBQ Bash.”

4pm, Fairmont Park, 900 E. 2400 South.

RSVP by Sept.

20, 484-2205.

27MONDAY HIT SOME BALLS TO FIGHT RACISM. The National Conference for Community and Justice presents the Drive Out Racism Charitable Golf Tournament. NCCJ fights bias, bigotry and racism with local programs in schools, neighborhoods and workplaces.

7am, South Mountain Golf Course, 1247 E. Mike Weir Drive (14500 South). $100, 3595102, nccjutah.org.

UPCOMING OCTOBER 1, The Indigo Girls at Kingsbury Hall OCTOBER 1–3 Gay Days at Disneyland OCTOBER 9–11 Lesbian hike of the Narrows at Zion Park.

Placentasrus@yahoo.com OCTOBER 15 Pygmalion Productions Theatre presents Popcorn OCTOBER 15 INVENIO, Gay Men’s Health Summit OCTOBER 21 Family Voices for Equality, Abravanel Hall Featuring Kate Clinton, Catie Curtis, Barry Lynn

Steven Fales, author/performer of Confessions of a Mormon Boy, in front of the Salt Lake Temple where he was once married.

‘Confessions of a Mormon Boy’ Returns to Salt Lake City Author: Updated Show Still Charming, Less Narcissistic

by Joel Shoemaker

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SEPTEMBER 16, 2004

“God has seen me through excommunication, prostitution, Mormonism … now we’re working on narcissism.”

Steven Fales is back with more Steven Fales.

After touring almost every corner of the nation with his one-man play, most recently at The New York International Fringe Festival where it received the “Overall Excellence for a Solo Show” Award, Fales has brought his Confessions of a Mormon Boy back to its home in Salt Lake City where it debuted three years ago.

Opening at the Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center Sept. 24 with a benefit performance for the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Community Center of Utah, this matured version boasts the workings of Tony Award-winning director Jack Hofsiss, a reworked script, new staging — and, yes, even more insight into Steven Fales.

Based on his life story, Confessions tells of Fales’ LDS upbringing, his attempt to alter his gay identity through reparative therapy, his marriage to the daughter of renowned Mormon author Carol Lynn Pearson, his fatherhood, his excommunication from the LDS Church, becoming an escort in New York City, his drug use, and his reconciliation with all of it.

“It’s a valentine to my children,” Fales said during a Sept. 3 interview. “I thought if I were to die, there would be no one I could trust to tell my story.”

While much of the play is about Fales struggling to unite strict Mormon teachings with his gay identity, he says his writing is kinder to the religion than some expect.

“It’s more fair to the church than members would think, more generous,” he says. “I want gay men and women who have turned their backs on God and spirituality to see the show and remember the good things.”

The themes of religion vs. sexuality are one Fales says resonates with audiences: “They can be Catholic, Jewish, whatever, and people come to me and say ‘You’ve told my story.’”

Fales says the play is “transformational theater” with an “ah-ha! ending.” The play is ultimately about Fales finding himself in the rubble of his life, mending broken relationships with his ex-wife and his father, and finding God in the process: “The [LDS] Church did first teach me about God. Now I can take God back on my terms.”

Fales says that while God was missing through much of his life — “No matter what I was creating, I left God out of the equation” — he connected again with God using the notion of a “higher power” that he found in 12-step programs he uses to help treat his addition to crystal methamphetamine.

New to audiences who saw the original Utah premier will be Fales’ accounts of being an escort in New York City. At $500 a night and $2,000 a weekend, Fales says the profession that was so exciting to him at first left his self-esteem crushed. “I was truly the most charming, selfish human being in New York,” says Fales. “I didn’t know where my clients stopped and my dates began.”

Fales has been confessing all of this to major cities across the U.S. It’s had readings in Washington, D.C., San Diego, Portland, New York City, and has had extended runs in San Francisco, Chicago, Miami, Portland (again) and New York City (again).

The show was even close to an off-Broadway opening in the fall of 2003, but Fales says financial backing was pulled from the production when Fales refused a producer’s request that he appear naked on stage. Fales says he refused because the play was about getting his dignity back, and appearing naked didn’t serve that purpose. That decision cost his production $100,000.

The scrapped off-Broadway run even left him without production rights to the play until May 2004. It was a period he says was filled with self-doubt. But on May 11 he got the rights back, and three days later was opening the play again with a run in Portland. “I felt like I got my life back,” he said.

Now Playing ANACONDAS: THE HUNT FOR THE BLOOD ORCHID Scientists embark on a journey deep into Borneo’s jungle in search of the rare blood orchid, believing the flower holds the key to a pharmaceutical fountain of youth.

But to reach the bloom, they must endure pouring rain, boating mishaps, paralyzing bug bites, cellular dead zones, and the snakes of the title. It’s mating season, so the super-sized anacondas are extremely peckish and regard the expedition as so much sushi. This lunatic horror-thriller lacks both terror and thrills, but provides unintentional laughs with its ludicrous dialogue, risible characters, and sub-B-movie plot. The acting by the mostly no-name cast is uniformly terrible, save for an adorable trained monkey who emotes far more efficiently than any of the humans. By no stretch is this a good movie, but if viewed as a live-action game to guess who gets eaten next, it mildly amuses.

Grade: C- / Kinsey Scale: 0 (There’s no gay or lesbian content of any kind.)

THE BOURNE SUPREMACY Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) thought he’d left his old life as a skilled assassin behind.

But then he’s found by Russian criminals, framed with a crime he didn’t commit, and forced back into action. Add to his headache a CIA chief (Joan Allen) one step behind him and nightmares of memories he can’t quite piece together from a life he no longer remembers. There’s plenty of globetrotting location scenery to enjoy and the even more enjoyable sight of a grim, anxious Damon forgetting that he’s a movie star for a moment and really investing himself in Bourne, a hunted man who becomes the hunter himself. This still-chilly bit of post-Cold War espionage is made fresh with violent, seizure-inducing camera work and a death-defying car chase that will leave audiences breathless.

It’s that rare summer thing: a sequel that matches its original, and an action-thriller that doesn’t leave viewers feeling empty.

Grade: A / Kinsey Scale: 1 (There’s no gay content, but some cast members have been in gay-themed films or films by gay directors. Damon starred in Gus Van Sant’s Good Will Hunting and as the sexually ambiguous title character in The Talented Mr. Ripley. Co-star Brian Cox played a gay pedophile in the indie film L.I.E., while costar Gabriel Mann had small roles in I Shot Andy Warhol and Stonewall.)

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CELLULAR Jessica Martin (Kim Basinger) has been kidnapped, and she doesn’t know why — or where she’s being held. On a smashed-to-bits phone, she manages to wiretap her way into dialing the cellular number of impossibly handsome slacker Ryan (Chris Evans). Together they have to piece together the mystery before his phone signal dies, or else Jessica and her entire family will be killed. What follows is a breathlessly paced and brainlessly plotted thriller that involves corrupt cops, big, bruising kidnappers whom Basinger successfully fights at every turn, and some miraculous cell-phone technology that isn’t available to people who aren’t in the movies. It would all be terrifically tense if it weren’t so stupendously ridiculous. But that dumbness is part of its late-summer appeal; and though it’s as hilariously disposable as, well, a dead cell phone, it’s no less entertaining for it.

Grade: C- / Kinsey Scale: 1 (No gay content. Co-star William H. Macy — here playing a helpful cop — portrayed a gay sheriff in Happy, Texas. British actor Jason Statham was featured in the lesbian-character-filled horror film Ghosts of Mars.)

COLLATERAL Mild-mannered L.A. cab driver Max (Jamie Foxx) picks up slickly dressed, gray-haired Vincent (Tom Cruise) in his cab and winds up being kidnapped by the contract killer and forced to drive from hit to hit in this tense, elegantly directed thriller from Michael Mann (The

Insider, Heat). While there’s nothing new happening here, Mann uses the catand-mouse formula well by shrinking its physical scope (imagine the cat swatting that doomed mouse inside a car for two hours) and playing his actors against type. The normally funny Foxx is deadly serious and conflicted, while the often irritatingly heroic Cruise gets to be an evil, murderous machine. The audience gets a nearly flawless, nerve-wracked bit of escapist fun.

Grade: A / Kinsey Scale: 1 (Neither Foxx nor Cruise have played gay, but supporting cast member Jada Pinkett-Smith starred in the lesbian-inclusive crime drama Set It Off; co-star Irma P. Hall appeared in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil; and co-star Javier Bardem played gay in Before Night Falls, as well as appearing in Pedro Almodovar’s Live Flesh and High Heels.)

CRIMINAL The biggest payday of his life falls into veteran grifter Richard Gaddis’ (John C. Reilly) lap when his former partner, Ochoa (Zitto Kazann), falls ill at the hotel where Gaddis’ sister (Maggie Gyllenhaal) works.

Ochoa had planned to con a wealthy currency collector (Peter Mullan) with an expert forgery, but, too sick to continue, he passes the plan along to Gaddis and young trainee Rodrigo (Diego Luna). This compact neo-noir — a close remake of the recent Argentinean import Nine Queens — takes place over 24 hours, making the most of its evocative L.A. locations in a slick game of double- and triple-cross. An excellent ensemble cast clearly revels in this convoluted suspense tale with its grace notes of family dysfunction and revenge.

Grade: B / Kinsey Scale: 1 (Reilly, Luna, and co-star Jonathan Tucker have all appeared in gay-themed films, while Gyllenhaal worked with queer director John Waters on Cecil B. Demented.)

EXORCIST: THE BEGINNING Plagued by the atrocities he witnessed during World War II, Father Lankester Merrin (Stellan Skarsgard) long ago lost his faith. He rediscovers God on a visit to a Kenyan archaeological dig, but only after he senses the devil’s presence as he witnesses rampaging hyenas, horrific violence, and a possessed child. Hamfisted director Renny Harlin commits a mortal sin in delivering this dead-on-arrival prequel to 1973’s horror classic, The Exorcist. The handsome production design, Oscar-winning cinematographer Vittorio Storaro’s luminous images, and Skarsgard’s sympathetic performance are wasted on this dreck that substitutes mindless gore and pointless action for genuine chills and a compelling story.

One wonders if Harlin even appreciates the irony in his creation of such a soul-deadening exercise built around questions of belief.

Grade: D / Kinsey Scale: 0 (There’s no queer content to speak of.)

THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE Nightmares of bizarre wartime mind-control experiments plague Gulf War veteran Bennett Marco (Denzel Washington), who becomes increasingly convinced the dreams are real. When fellow vet Raymond Shaw (Liev Schreiber), an amiable congressman under the thumb of his powerful mother (Meryl Streep), becomes a vice-presidential nominee, Marco races to prove his suspicions before the brainwashed candidate can assume his position a heartbeat away from the presidency.

Based on a Cold War-era novel (which was also made into a 1962 movie), this paranoid thriller adds to today’s political discourse as it transforms the villains from Communists into Halliburton-like corporate titans. Director Jonathan Demme ignores gaping holes in the plot as he effectively ratchets the level of suspense, but the talented cast is wasted on characters that operate as little more than pieces on a chessboard.

Kinsey Scale: 0 – not gay at all 6 – gay as a bunny

in Maurice, and co-star Kevin Chamberlin was in Trick and In & Out. )

THE VILLAGE Grade: B- / Kinsey Scale: 1 (Washington previously worked with Demme on the AIDS drama Philadelphia, while both Streep and Jeffrey Wright appeared in HBO’s Angels in America.)

THE PRINCESS DIARIES 2 The sequel to the popular 2001 family comedy begins with the elevation of Princess Mia (Anne Hathaway) to Genovia’s queen being thwarted by an obscure law that decrees only a married woman can rule. Given 30 days to find a husband, Mia settles for an arranged marriage with Andrew (Callum Blue), only to realize that she’s falling in love with dishy Sir Nicholas (Chris Pine) — the man who would usurp her throne. This empty-headed, predictable romantic comedy is plumped like a sausage with pointless filler — an all-princess slumber party, for example — in director Garry Marshall’s desperate attempt to bolster a wafer-thin story. The production is handsome and so is the bland, personality-free cast, but pretty pictures and people do little to alleviate the tedium of this royal bore.

Grade: D / Kinsey Scale: 1 (One of Mia’s rejected suitors is gay, as is her hairdresser, played in stereotypically flaming fashion by Larry Miller. Co-stars Julie Andrews, Heather Matarazzo, and Kathleen Marshall have all appeared in queer-themed projects.)

SHE HATE ME Jack Armstrong (Anthony Mackie) has a plateful of trouble. He’s a corporate whistle-blower who’s just been fired and is being hounded by the Feds; his parents never stop fighting; and his lesbian exgirlfriend, Fatima (Kerry Washington), and her partner both want him to impregnate them. Soon afterward, Fatima begins a side business in which Jack acts as sperm donor to a group of upwardly mobile lesbians at $10,000 a pop. Like Jack, director Spike Lee has trouble, too — only his is of the filmmaking variety.

Lee is a scattershot director, juggling storylines and writing ranting, polemical dialogue that could only work in his own heavily stylized movies. And when his chaos works, as in Do the Right Thing, it can be brilliant. But when it doesn’t, as in this film, it’s a big, if well-intentioned, mess.

Grade: C+ / Kinsey Scale: 5 (There’s pervasive lesbian content, but lesbian viewers may find it problematic that every lesbian character in the film feels the need to actually engage in passionate sex with Jack in order to conceive a baby.

Turkey basters are mentioned but not taken seriously. Otherwise, it’s clear that Lee is trying to fuse the straight male perception of hot, lipstick lesbians with a more feminist perspective. It works occasionally. Mackie also appears in the upcoming gay-themed film Brother to Brother.)

SUSPECT ZERO Disgraced FBI agent Thomas Mackelway (Aaron Eckhart) has barely started a new assignment in Albuquerque when he’s called to the scene of a horrific murder.

Soon more bodies pile up, and suspicion falls on renegade lawman Benjamin O’Ryan (Ben Kingsley). O’Ryan shares Mackelway’s obsession with rooting out evil, but at the moment he appears to be on an active hunt and Mackelway fears he may be the prey. This stylish thriller rises above the ordinary with a plot that’s heavily dependent on psychic phenomena, but while it is undeniably suspenseful, it’s also rather silly. Still, spooky special effects, evocative cinematography, eerie expanses of the southwestern location, and Eckhart’s and Kingsley’s soulful and empathic performances transcend the absurdity, making the results riveting.

Grade: B / Kinsey Scale: 1 (Director E. Elias Merhige previously directed the somewhat queer-themed Shadow of the Vampire. Eckhart starred in the lesbianadjacent Possession, Kingsley appeared

For the inhabitants of a rural village surrounded by woods, living in fear of the monstrous forest creatures that lurk all around them is a daily fact of life. And when it seems that the creatures are tired of an established “truce,” and a young blind girl (Bryce Dallas Howard) enters those woods to save another villager’s life, fear threatens to shatter their collective idyllic existence. To give away more details of this film’s plot would, similarly, destroy readers’ enjoyment of the carefully constructed mystery. But know that writer/director M. Night Shyamalan has created yet another odd cinematic world in which nothing is quite what it seems, surprises live around every corner, and things that go bump in the night may be harmless — or, then again, may destroy you.

Grade: B+ / Kinsey Scale: (No queer content. Cast members include William Hurt, who won an Oscar for playing gay in Kiss of the Spider Woman, out lesbian actor Cherry Jones, Michael Pitt from Hedwig and the Angry Inch, and lesbian fave Sigourney Weaver, who appeared in Jeffrey.)

VANITY FAIR Plucky governess Becky Sharp (Reese Witherspoon) aims to rise above her station in 19th-century England. A marriage to gentleman soldier Rawdon Crawley (James Purefoy) looks profitable, until he’s disinherited for wedding outside his class. The couple’s wealthy neighbor, the Marquess of Steyne (Gabriel Byrne) befriends the young bride, assuring her a place at the pinnacle of society. But the price he demands for his services is more than Becky can pay. Director Mira Nair brings William Makepeace Thackeray’s classic novel to vivid life with a handsome production that casts a keen eye on Becky and her peers’ social shenanigans. The too-modern Witherspoon is miscast, but the rest of the actors are excellent in this epic comedy-drama that scores with witty dialogue and strong, memorable characters.

Grade: B / Kinsey Scale: 1 (Co-star Jonathan Rhys-Meyers played bisexual characters in Velvet Goldmine and Titus, while Jim Broadbent appeared in The Crying Game and Eileen Atkins was in The Hours and The Lost Language of Cranes. )

WITHOUT A PADDLE Tom (Dax Shepard), Jerry (Matthew Lillard), and Dan (Seth Green) are three 20-something buddies who decide to go off on a treasure-hunting river expedition to honor the memory of a recently deceased friend. The movie then attempts to be “meaningful,” with the trio having to learn life lessons to create “closure” instead of participating in tasteless, raunchy, testosterone-addled humor or moments of PG-13 horniness with busty, tree-hugging, wood nymphs.

Too bad, because this pale imitation of Up the Creek could have been funny. Instead, the whole film seems to be afraid of its own potential for masculine obnoxiousness. It even misuses the stunt-casting of Deliverance icon Burt Reynolds, begging the question of how much failure filmmakers can pack into one bad comedy.

The answer: a lot.

Grade: D / Kinsey Scale: 2 (Homosexual panic is always fun to watch, especially when the panic-stricken straight men are huddling together for warmth while wearing nothing but their underwear. Jerry even says he’d rather die than do such a thing — but eventually he does, and becomes the one that creates a moment of sexual arousal among the guys. There’s also the requisite suggestion of girl-on-girl action.

Green played James St. James in Party Monster, and Lillard co-starred in John Waters’ Serial Mom.)

Matters of the Heart Wicker Park 2 / 4 stars Rated PG-13 for sexuality and language.

Wicker Park is a remake of the 1996 French film, L’Appartement. As with most of this year’s remakes, it’s fair to say the original was much better.

Josh Hartnett is Matthew, a photographer turned executive who is engaged to Rebecca (Jessica Pare).

Getting a make-or-break assignment in China, he is in a restaurant with his client and fiancée just before heading to the airport when he thinks he sees Lisa (Diane Krueger) — the love he lost but never really got over.

Rather than getting on the plane, Matthew spends the next several days lurking around old haunts to find her.

The trail leads to the real jewel of the movie, Alex (Rose Byrne), who is the self-absorbed jilted lover. She truly holds the movie together.

That is where the plot makes sense. The rest of the movie is filled with a number of face shots that freeze and fade to a flashback to fill in the gap that the story line seems to miss. Better editing might have made these gaps more seamless and flowing, but for a story that hinges upon character and emotion, there is too little foundation to build a story on.

Josh Hartnett depends more on his good looks than his acting ability to portray a character with the depth of heart and character. Anyone willing to give up a marriage and a lucrative, successful career for someone who has been missing for two years cannot be stoic as a chess pawn, but Hartnett seems to do that much pretty well. But matters of the heart don’t always make sense, do they?

The film had great potential. Two tangled love triangles including Matthew’s best friend, Luke (Matthew Lillard) who is involved with Alex keep you guessing, but since Alex is trying to get to Matthew and Matthew is trying to find Lisa, but is engaged and the web of relationships is sticky. It did bring the plot to a great dénouement in the end.

Wicker Park might have worked better if it didn’t assume a premise without first introducing us to certain character strengths and weaknesses. This ultimately made the conclusion weak. When everything comes together the feeling is one more of acknowledgement than one of those eureka moments. — WTP “Wicker Park” is currently playing in theaters throughout the city.

Writers: Submit a writing sample to editor@slmetro.com to be considered to write for Salt Lake Metro.

Red,White & Bubbly A Fetish for Italians

by Beau Jarvis

As a kid, I used to doodle incessantly. I doodled all the usual things; airplanes, yellow suns and lollipop trees.

For some odd reason, I also doodled shoes.

I drew tennis shoes; I drew basketball shoes; I even drew cowboy boots. I developed a hearty appetite for shoes. Some might say this appetite teetered towards a footwear fetish.

When I entered high school, I played on the freshmen basketball team. Actually, “played” isn’t quite accurate. I mostly sat on the team’s bench admiring my blindingly white shoes, which I laced up only for games.

Even though I was a second string player, I would have made the all-conference shoe team. I collected five pairs of shoes during the brief, three-month basketball season. At that point I was already waist deep in a lifelong shoe fetish.

I’ve had no trouble infusing my shoe fetish with my more recently developed wine fetish. When I get a hankerin’ for shoes and wine, I pop open a bottle of wine from Italy’s heel, toe, shin or calf.

How does Italian wine satiate a shoe fetish? It’s simple, actually. Visualize the map of Italy. Now morph this map into a thigh boot. In the world of wine, the upper reaches of this boot (i.e. Northern Italy) usually receive most of the attention.

In fact, wine enthusiasts have often ignored and even shunned the heel, toe, shin and calf. How sad. From a shoe fetish standpoint, these are the most interesting parts of any proper boot.

Lucky for me, in recent years the nether regions of Italy’s boot have been taking the wine world by storm. Allow me to be your guide on a brief tour of my favorite wines, available locally, from the calf, shin and heel of our Italian thigh boot.

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Beau Jarvis is a sommelier and wine educator.

He operates basicjuice.com, an independent wine review and information website. He also manages basicjuice.blogs.com, a weblog of entertainment and culture.

An opening-night performance of “Confessions of a Mormon Boy” to benefit the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Community Center of Utah will take place 8:00 p.m., Sept. 24 at the Rose Wagner Theater, 138 W. 300 South. Reception to follow. Tickets on sale now through ArtTix, www.ArtTix.org, 800-355-ARTS. More information at www.mormonboy.com.

SALT LAKE METRO

Perhaps you believe neither footwear nor feet nor the wines of boot-shaped countries are interesting. Maybe your particular fetish doesn’t have anything to do with shoes. Well, don’t give up on Italy just yet. Take a look at a map. Allow your gaze to wander upward — specifically to the posterior region just above the thigh.

Is this area, known as Veneto, more to your liking?

If so, try this spicy little number: Maculan Pino & Toi ($13). Now if you don’t like this wine or the location of this particular region, I give up. You are officially fetish-less. Cheers.

Subscribe today and support quality gay and lesbian news. slmetro.com

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CAMPANIA — THE SHIN Now the shin, in and of itself, isn’t terribly exciting. Even the sleekest pair of black leather boots normally doesn’t “sex up” the shin. Yet isn’t it amazing what a little custom stitching can do for this

APUGLIA (PUGLIA) — THE HEEL As most shoe fetishists know, the heel is the undisputed champ of shoe sexiness.

For the new wave of Italian wine lovers, Apuglia, the region that comprises Italy’s heel, is fabulously fetish-worthy.

Two of my favorite wines from Apuglia are Primitivo and Salice Salentino. Primitivo is a stiletto heel wine: bold, pungent and spicy. This wine is made from a grape of the same name, and it is genetically identical to the big, bold California Zinfandel grape.

Locally, there are two good examples of this wine: A-mano Primitivo ($12) and Terrale Primitivo ($9). Try Primitivo with a bowl of Spaghetti Bolognese.

Salice Salentino is the kitten heel of Apuglian wine. It is understated, yet equally as sexy and tasty as Primitivo.

Salice Salentino is made from the Negroamaro grape, which translated means “bitter black.”

However, Taurino Salice Salentino Reserva, 1999 ($13) is neither bitter nor black. This brick-red wine is restrained, yet offers an enticing character of blackberries and a hint of licorice. It is amazing with meals off the grill or almost anything roasted. All hail the heel.

One thing Fales was able to keep from the canceled off-Broadway production was the direction of Jack Hofsiss, who won a Tony Award for Elephant Man. “Jack really wanted to find the humanity of the play,” says Fales.

“He taught me to trust myself as a writer … and take out my own narcissism.”

“My show used to be a lot more about me — now it’s about the themes,” says Fales. “I can be very charming, but that can get in the way.”

After reclaiming Confessions in Portland last May, Fales got another chance in New York at the International Fringe Festival, where a sold-out run warranted additional performances.

Still, even though the show won an award, Fales says it was his brother coming to see the show that was the ultimate prize.

“I’d been dreaming of a family member to get it — he finally got it,” Fales says. “That was the ultimate validation — better than any New York Times review.”

While Fales says he’s enjoying the buzz from the Fringe Festival, he says he is preparing for the show’s Salt Lake City run with the ultimate goal, in the forefront of his mind, of getting the show back to an off-Broadway theater.

“I’m glad I was able to write the play as early on as I did … it’s freeze-dried,” Fales says. “I look at some of the stuff and think, ‘Did I really feel that way? That bad?’”

SEPTEMBER 16, 2004

LE MARCHE (MARCHES) — THE CALF The calf has a graceful shape. Of course, when snugly covered by a boot, it becomes beautifully mysterious.

This is echoed by the white wine Verdicchio dei Castelli di Jesi of Le Marche. It is a light wine with soft aromas of green apple and flowers. It’s perfectly suited in its role as an aperitif — a restrained appetizer before the unveiling of the main course.

Try Fazi Battaglia Verdicchio dei Castelli di Jesi ($9) or Fattoria Laola Verdicchio dei Castelli di Jesi ($12). Ease yourself into the universe of footwear fetishes and fine wine with this bianco from Le Marche.

otherwise bland area? Campania is Italy’s shin. And its capital, Naples, is the Italian Mecca of custom tailors.

Of course, a talented tailor can easily sex up anything wearable with a few wellplaced stitches. The Campanian winery Terradora Dipaolo is most definitely sexing up Campania’s wine landscape.

It produces exciting wine from ancient, traditionally bland grapes. Two of its shining and affordable examples are Irpinia Aglianico ($14) and Irpinia Falanghina ($14). Aglianico is a red grape thought to have been brought to Campania by the ancient Greeks. Terradora’s Aglianico is the color of black cherries. It tickles the nose with spicy berry scents and coats the tongue with soft textures and a delightful finish. In contrast, the Falanghina grape produces a straw colored white wine.

It offers an intense aroma of pears and pineapple followed by surprising mineral and “stony” flavors. Try these wines — don’t ignore the shin!

Confessions of a Mormon Boy continued from page 19

Queeriscaping Reap What You Sow

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SEPTEMBER 16, 2004

Brandie Balken

No, no silly — that’s reap. This isn’t a sports column about Kobe Bryant or the BYU football team; it’s gardening, remember?

All joking aside, I love this time of year!

I love the crispness in the air, I love the cool evenings, and I love the harvest.

This is the perfect time to begin “tucking in.” There are a myriad of little things to be done that will improve next years landscape.

First, you should assess the situation: What has been working and what hasn’t?

Is the lawn full of weeds? Have the dogs run a path into it? Has the Papaver poppy eaten the entire corner of your perennial bed? Has the delightful Irish moss that looked so lovely last spring completely burnt out?

Well don’t despair, possums —this is the perfect time of year to address the shortcomings of the season past. Now is the time to aerate compacted portions of the lawn, and weed and feed the sections more weed than grass.

Or perhaps you gotten so sick of hearing me harp on xeriscaping that you’ve decided to tear out that crappy, weedy grass and go native! Fabulous. Please allow me to make it easier on you! In the next few articles I’ll be discussing the “Lawn Lasagna” which is an incredibly easy way to kill off a section of grass over the winter.

The cooler temperatures also make it the right time to split your overgrown perennials and spread the love. Or perhaps you want to add a few new things in the bare spots. I think it is arguable that autumn is an even better time than spring to plant perennials, shrubs and trees, as the new babies don’t have to immediately go through the heat and water stress of a Utah summer. They have three seasons to get cozy in their new home and to really get their roots established before they really have to perform next summer.

On this note, now is also a wonderful time to do some deep watering on your existing, established trees. We’ve has several years of drought and your trees will thank you for giving them a deep, slow sip before the ground freezes. This effectively gives them something to draw from come spring.

This is also the time to consider adding some bulbs to your landscape. There are many incredible varieties that can add unbeatable color and texture to the spring and early summer landscape, and you can feel good about planting them, as most of them are drought tolerant.

Now for the truly delicious part: the

harvest. If you are anything like me, you over-planted your garden. For some reason, I think that I have six hungry chilluns plus Grammaw to feed in the spring. Then when fall comes, I realize it is just my skinny girlfriend and me.

There are many things in the garden that are easy to give away. Few people will turn down a bunch of fresh basil, or a basket or heirloom tomatoes.

But what of the ever-abundant zucchini?

At this time of year the zucchini is really coming on strong, and nobody will take it. All the recipes for breads and cookies only use about a cup, and we all know that a full-grown zuke has a lot more meat than that. You can only use so much in meatloaf and spaghetti sauce — so what are we, the zucchini burdened, to do?

I have the perfect solution to this ageold problem! A good friend of mine gave me this recipe and it is so simple and delectable that even though this isn’t a cooking column, I felt I should pass it on to all you lovely folks.

Jenn and Trina’s Zucchini Soup of Love Feeds 2

1 large 12-inch zucchini skinned, seeded and cut into 3-inch pieces 2 cloves garlic (less or more is okay) 1/2 onion (less or more is okay) 1/4 stick of butter (less or more is okay) Place the first three ingredients in a medium sauce pan and cover with water.

Boil until zucchini is tender. Strain the veggies and put them in a blender. Add the 1/4 cube of butter and puree until smooth.

Salt and pepper to taste and voila! An easy, healthy dinner.

Also note that if you haven’t allowed your zucchini to get gigantic and thick skinned, you can just cut off the ends and section the zucchini — skin, seeds and all.

I like to add extra garlic and a handful of spinach. My friends recommend sour cream instead of butter. Other friends like to add fresh basil and chill the soup, then serve it cold. This is a very basic recipe that is easily modified to suit your tastes, and the best part is that it uses a whole zucchini every time!

I also want you all to know that my girlfriend doesn’t really even like zucchini, but the texture of the soup is so creamy and wonderful, that we eat it a couple of times a week. It’s delicious!

So there you have it. Fall is in the air, ideas are in the garden and soup is on the table. Enjoy.

Brandie Balken is a horticulturist in Salt Lake City and can be seen at Cactus & Tropicals, 2735 S 2000 East, Salt Lake City. www.cactusandtropicals.com

Sane Advice Time to Change Your ‘Dating Style’?

by Lee Beckstead & Jim Struve Dear Sane Advice, I’m having trouble dating. Nothing seems to work. Do you have any advice on what to do?

In a Rut

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Dr. Lee Beckstead and Jim Struve are private-practice therapists in Salt Lake City. The therapists who write “Sane Advice” would like to hear from you. If you have a question about relationships, emotional well-being or practically anything else, send it to saneadvice@slmetro.com.

ADAM AND ANDY by James Asal

SEPTEMBER 16, 2004

Dear Rut, Dating can be a difficult process for everybody. Probably the most important thing to do would be for you to look into your dating habits. Think about how you go about finding and developing relationships. Are you going to the same places and acting in the same way but not getting your desired results? What have you noticed that helps you connect more with others and what pulls you off track?

Perhaps your ideas about dating are too grand (for example, finding Mr. or Ms. Perfect). This can be too much pressure for both of you. When you’re out with someone, consider changing your focus to simply (a) having fun, (b) getting to know the person, (c) sharing who you are, and (d) seeing if you want to spend more time with that person.

Even before starting your search, you may want to consider whether you genuinely are ready for a relationship. Here are some questions to think about before you begin: • Do I know what I want in a relationship?

• Have I resolved any past relationship hurts and changed negative relationship patterns?

• Am I prepared for a significant relationship to come into my life at this time?

• Am I comfortable with my sexuality and with being in a same-sex relationship?

• Am I in the process of developing a healthy sexuality and positive body image?

• Have I addressed and am I in the process of resolving any issues related to my family, addictions, or trauma experiences?

• Am I seeking a relationship to fill a void in my life or do I already have a life that I want to compliment/supplement?

• Am I capable of being emotionally available for another?

• Have I explored any ambivalence I may have about being single vs. being in a relationship?

Be sure to devote ample time to thinking about these questions. However, be careful not to overwhelm yourself. Remember that, like the rest of us, learning about ourselves and how to be in a relationship is a lifelong process.

Along the way, here are some practical do’s and don’ts to consider as you search for someone to love and to be loved by: • Learn the difference between cruising, flirting, and conversing. Be honest with yourself about what you want from your interactions with people. If you want to flirt and not cruise, don’t sexualize your conversation or use sexual innuendos. If you want to flirt instead of just converse, give the person special attention by holding eye contact, sticking by the person’s side, touching her or him a second too long, or using the person’s name frequently. This attention makes it clear

you're focused on that person and you think she or he is not interchangeable with any other person at the party or in whatever setting you are interacting with him or her.

• However, don’t hover, touch the person prematurely, litter your conversation with too much information, or loudly declare your interest in the person. In fact, talk with the person for a while and then leave to take the pressure off.

Stimulating the other person’s curiosity can be a good thing!

• Open up conversations with honesty (“I haven’t been here before and don’t know anybody. Who are you?”). Start conversations by noticing something about the person and commenting on it. Don’t pressure you or the person by opening up with a zinger (“Hey, I haven’t seen you here at the gym in a long time!”).

After talking a few moments, take the conversation to the next level, slightly personal about you or the other person.

• Pay attention to nonverbal communication. Is the person’s body posture open to you or has she or he turned away during the conversation? Pay attention to any “stay back” signals.

• Don’t expect the one you admire to take all the initiative. Waiting to be approached puts your future in someone else’s hands.

• When asking someone out, don’t just offer a generic invitation (e.g., “Want to go out with me sometime?”). This makes it difficult for someone to say no and sets you up for an evening with someone who doesn’t want to be there and is kicking her or himself for not having figured out a nice way to decline. Also, that person may have been thrilled to spend time with you without all the pressure of “dating” or “going out.”

• Ask someone out for a specific event, especially if it’s something you normally do. Keep it low-pressure, casual, for a brief period of time, and not requiring lots of money.

• Don’t spend hours fantasizing or getting yourself wound up in expectations before your initial meeting.

As you learn more about your dating style and make changes, you may want to check out some books to gather more ideas. Many of the above suggestions were taken from such excellent resources as If The Buddha Dated by Charlotte Kasl; Finding True Love by Craig Nelson; If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Single by Susan Page; and On Dating, by Karen Celia Fox. Ask your friends what they think works and doesn’t work about your dating approach. Above all, keep being honest with yourself and opening up to new ways of dating and relating.

Sports Putting It Together: Making Gay Sports Events Happen

by Jim Provenzano

It’s easy to take the behind-the-scenes organization of GLBT sports events for granted. But most tournaments are planned more than a year in advance, and the people who plan them often work unacknowledged.

Teams find that websites, message boards, and e-mail lists all play a part in keeping athletes up to date on event schedules, fees, and even gossip.

Events with hundreds of participants, like the International Gay & Lesbian Aquatics (IGLA) annual meet, Swim for Life co-founders Jay maintain Critchely and Walter McLoed expansive tournament schedules. IGLA is also sanctioned under U.S. Masters Swimming, which posts extensive online results of all their aquatics events.

Tennis also draws hundreds of athletes to annual tournaments. Kevin Ware wasn’t sure what he was in for when he took on the job of chairing this year’s annual tournament of the Gay & Lesbian Tennis Federation (GLTF), held this June in San Francisco. A former modern dancer turned tennis player, Ware is also a Web designer. Renovating the GLTF’s member-

ship database and website led to his also updating registration, competition seeding, and online membership payments, and building a searchable database.

“We made a concerted effort to get more members, and we accomplished our goal,” Ware says.

Ware also recruited help in arranging the tennis group’s closing banquet at the fancy San Francisco Fairmont Hotel. In the top-floor ballroom with its awe-inspiring sunset view, tennis players socialized while perusing donated wines and artwork (as well as a few campy Barbie dolls). After dessert was served, dressed in a stylish suit and tie, Ware doled out silent auction and raffle prizes. Among the items were tennis racquets, massage certificates, and even adult gay DVDs, acquired by a tennis-playing employee of Falcon Video.

There is a less glamorous side to running such a tournament. After the party, Ware headed off to a local supermarket.

Putting his jacket and tie in his car, he had to buy muffins and fruit for the hundreds of hungry tennis players at the next morning’s finals.

For a huge quadrennial event like the Gay Games (to be held in Chicago July 15-22, 2006), online registration is the first step toward getting athletes to attend. That process was created mostly by volunteers.

Gay Games VII registration opened in July 2004, the earliest ever preceding a Gay Games. In addition to a contracted

software firm, two dozen Federation of Gay Games (FGG) representatives from seven countries voluntarily assisted Chicago Games, Inc. (CGI) project leaders in data collecting and database design. By building from the Sydney Games’ participant database, outreach was made simpler.

CGI representatives say that more than half of their first few hundred registrants attended Gay Games VI in Sydney. Yet most aspects of data-collecting were completely renovated since 2002.

FGG CoPresident Roberto Mantaci says the registration system consultation process was “a perfect example” of the new partnership between the FGG and CGI. “Both groups wanted Roberto Mantaci, Federation of to launch Gay Games Co-President registration on June 1,” Mantaci says. “Nonetheless, CGI and the FGG mutually agreed to withhold the opening of registration for additional [website] testing and improvements. That enabled Chicago to make changes that may not be visible to the person registering, but which represent a significant advance from previous registration procedures.” Chicago’s new system helps participants choose skills levels and locales, and helps place athletes without a team affiliation into sports months beforehand.

Smaller events rely more on the tenacity of their creators. Jay Critchley produced the first Provincetown Harbor Swim for Life and Paddler Flotilla in 1987. Now

in its 17th year, this year’s Swim for Life, held Sept. 11, attracted more than 300 swimmers and kayak paddlers, and 150 volunteers. Last year’s Swim raised more than $134,000 for local AIDS and women’s health organizations.

Swim for Life’s first go wasn’t easy.

Reports of polluted harbor water made the headlines that year. “A lot of people said, ‘You’ll never make it; it’s dangerous,’” says Critchley, who envisioned the event as a way to also remember those lost to AIDS. Somehow, he convinced 16 swimmers to brave the waters of Cape Cod’s Long Point.

Holding the event after Labor Day weekend furthers interest beyond the summer holidays, but it’s also the only time most locals are available. “A lot of people have a strong attachment to the community,” says Critchley. “But people come from all over the Northeast to participate.”

Food, logistics, and medical crews are recruited locally. With cheerleaders, a stock of wetsuits, and almost 40 borrowed boats, the swimming event is bracketed with an outdoor concert the night before and a “Mermaid Brunch” afterward.

Critchley says keeping Swim for Life on a small scale retains its community style.

“We don’t have pre-registration, and we don’t have high minimum pledges,” he says. All participants raise a minimum of $100, but most raise more. Critchley says that about a third of the swimmers are in training, but many use it to overcome personal anxieties about open-water swimming. “For most, it’s a personal challenge,” he says. “They get a lot out of it.

That’s the real key.”

Jim Provenzano is the author of the novels “PINS” and “Monkey Suits.” Read more sports articles at www.sportscomplex.org. He can be reached care of this publication or at sportscomplex@qsyndicate.com.

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MAIL TO: METRO PUBLISHING, INC. 352 S. DENVER STREET #350 SALT LAKE CITY, UT 84111

HELP WANTED WOMYN 4 WOMEN would love to have a part time saleswoman to sell display advertising. Experience preferred. Reasonable commission and rewards.

Call Janice 801.268.6487 or womyn4women@networld.com.

LEGAL ASSISTANT Looking for part-time legal assistant. Must have good computer and communication skills. Must provide references. Salary based on employment history.

REPLY WITH RESUME TO BOX 101 CLASSIFIEDS@SLMETRO.COM

ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT. Aware Media Management is seeking a full time administrative assistant. Must have basic computer experience, strong organization and communication skills. Basic bookkeeping skills helpful.

Must have own vehicle and be available to work full time. Call or email Steven for details at (801) 323-0727 or stevenp@lavenderbook.com.

THE UTAH SYMPHONY and Opera are looking for the best and the brightest callers for our sales team.

Need artistic creative and savy individuals to promote our 2004-2005 season. Start immediatly. Work part-time.

Go to shows. Great money.

Great atmosphere. Great opportunity. Call Orlando Andrews at 869-9095.

ADVERTISING SALES. Salt Lake Metro is seeking a full time salesperson for display advertising. Must have previous sales experience, vehicle and be available to work full time. Steven (801)323-9500 or steven@slmetro.com CLASSIFIED/SUBSCRIPTION SALES. Salt Lake Metro is seeking a full time classified ad and subscription salesperson. Previous telephone sales helpful but not required. Must be available to work full time.

Steven (801)323-9500 or steven@slmetro.com

AVENUES. A must see charming restored victorian home. 122 M Street, 2 bedroom/1 bath, Great investment property. $159,500 For sale by owner. 359-0963

DOWNTOWN TWIN HOME Model unit $138,650. 3BR/ 2BA, only one left. 586 N. 800W. See tour at urbanutah. com. Babs De Lay, Broker, cell: 201-UTAH

ROOMMATES QUIET GAY MALE, nonsmoker seeking roommate to share 2 bdrm condo in Taylorsville area. $350 a month includes utilities.

Pool, hot tub, weight room.

Call Larry at 913-7004.

FOR SALE JEEP GRAND WAGONEER 1985, SUV, 4WD, 6-cyl 4.2 liter engine, 4 door, power everything, CD, Allow Wheels, Rook Rack Silver & Gray. New tires, Showing its age but no major repairs needed. $2,000 OBO. Call Steven at (801) 323-0727.

If you're looking for

Honesty, Integrity & Reliability in your Mortgage Lender, Think DIVERSITY 1ST!

www.diversity1st.com

PERFECT 2 BED, 1 bath starter. Stream runs behind.

Walkout patio w/park-like backyard. Quiet location, mature trees surrounding make it an ideal place for someone who has a night job. Great daytime sleeping. $90,000 Dawn Colbert, Signature Group RE, 801-979-3558 SALT LAKE Gorgeous architect remodel Upstairs Master Suite w/jetted tub,walk-in shower,vaulted Ceiling. $304900 exposed wood beams 1595 E 1300 S. Call Jim 209-6308 House2homerealty.com AVENUES INVESTMENT— Hardwood flrs, fplc, 3 bed, 2 bath, 1 car gar w/wkshp.

Walk-out, stainless steel appliances. One yr. lease in place. $209,900. Dawn Colbert, Signature Group RE, 801-979-3558

COMMERCIAL REAL ESTATE NEW OFFICE CONDO’S, Redwood Rd. exposure in S. Jordan. Starting at $125,000. 980–5,733 sf available. Cambridge office complex. Dawn Colbert, Signature Group RE, 801979-3558

FOR RENT AVENUES HOUSE w/ two large bedrooms at 386 D St, Double Garage, storage, nice yard $850 Call Valene/CDA Properties at 262-0113 CUTE 2 BEDROOM, 1 bath, older home. Close to town.

Washer & Dryer to use, swamp cooler and fenced yard. $700 per month. $400 security deposit. Call 3632812 ro 265-0307

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AVENUES VICTORIAN Duplex 135 K St. 2+Bdrm 1.5ba skylights. New remod. 1200 sq.ft.

Super clean.Cute! Dshwshr,W/ D,fridge,yard,storage,near #3 Bus stop. No pets/smoke $850+Dep.363-6184

SALT LAKE METRO

NEW LISTING 11696 Oak Manor Drive on the 16th hole of the Hidden Valley Golf Course. Very open 3,304 sq. ft. with 4 bed and 3 bath. 3 car garage on a wooded .26 of an acre.

Priced to sell @ $280.000.

Dawn Colbert, Signature Group RE, 979-3558.

2 BD CONDOS in Holladay area. Several floor plans from $84,500 to $110,000.

Beautiful grounds & pool.

Model open Sats 1-4. Karen 518-7155 Century 21 Elite. www.karenandcecil4RE.com

1 BED APARTMENT No pets/No smoking, new paint, carpet & appliances. $425 + 250 deposit 1320 So. 500 E Call MGR 467-8174.

SHARE A CUTE house downtown with 2 gay men.

Cozy attic room in dormer, small. Rent includes all utilities except phone. Rent $250/month 641-3362.

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HOME FOR SALE 264 W Ardmore (350) N $425/ mo includes gas 298-2774 or 867-3093

FABULOUS 3500 SqFt 4BD 3BA Revival Period end unit townhouse condo on 3 levels of historic Graystone Mansion. Karen 518-7155.

Century 21 Elite. More info www.karenandcecil4RE.com

3 BR DUPLEX, $700/mo, $250 deposit. 356 N. 300 W. 298-2774 or 867-3093

SEPTEMBER 16, 2004

REAL ESTATE

SANDY 877 E 7865 S. over 2,000 sq. ft. 4 bd, 2 bath, private backyard. Arbor over deck. 100% finished rambler. Seller relocating. $175,000.00 1 oversized car garage. Dawn Colbert, Signature Group RE, 979-3558.

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SEPTEMBER 16, 2004

SERVICE DIRECTORY PERSONALS DEER VALLEY Amphitheater during the Aug. 14 performance of H.M.S. Pinafore.

We smiled at each other in the refreshment line during intermission. Can I call you my Little Buttercup?

GWM SEEKING BEAR for friendship or more. No smokers. No partyers. Must be employed. Mid 40’s, furry, beard a plus. Must like massage, long walks, and home cooking.

REPLY TO BOX 89, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

REPLY TO BOX 82, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

LAGOON You: burgundy shirt, khaki shorts. Me: red tank. We were banging each other at the bumper cars.

Hope to bang some more.

YOU WERE IN the rented car in Oxbow Park reading book, “Hey Dude Who Stole My Country.” I was in white Rabbitt. Said hi. You looked at me and said hi and left. I like Michael Moore too. Let’s go see F911 together.

SPEED DATING If you have tried all the other ways to meet that special someone, try Speed Dating sponsored

by Salt Lake Metro at Club Panini, a private club for members. Monday, Sept. 13, 7pm. Register in advance at 535-4300.

MISSED CONNECTIONS CLUB PANINI You were at speed dating but didn’t participate. Going to this time? Hope so.

REPLY TO BOX 91, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

TRY-ANGLES Saw you at the urinal. Nice. You laughed at where my eyes were.

REPLY TO BOX 94, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

PERSONALS $1 323-9500

or slmetro.com.

GATEWAY. You were dancing in the fountain. Shirtless, tan and in cutoffs. I was sitting on the rocks staring and you began dancing for me. Was that your girlfriend or friend?

REPLY TO BOX 85, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

REPLY TO BOX 84, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

CLUB PANINI You were at speed dating but didn’t participate. Going to this time? Hope so.

REPLY TO BOX 89, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

LAGOON You: burgundy shirt, khaki shorts. Me: red tank. We were banging each other at the bumper cars.

Hope to bang some more.

REPLY TO BOX 91, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

MGD AND TOXIC WASTE. Aug. 7 near Tesoro oil refinery in North Salt Lake. You: on late-model Harley wearing leather chaps. Me: in hazmat gear cleaning up a chemical spill. On my break, we shared a 40-oz bottle of MGD in a gas station parking lot. I can’t get you out of my mind.

YES SIR, OFFICER! Goodlooking, professional GWM, mid-30s, seeks dominant law-enforcement professional, 35-55. I’m healthy, clean, discreet and eager to please. Wild times, no strings.

REPLY TO BOX 81, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

REPLY TO BOX 86, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

MEN FOR MEN

REPLY TO BOX 88, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

QUESTIONING? Ex-gay?

Reporter would like to talk to you for upcoming Metro story on people who have tried to alter their sexual orientation. I will honor your choices and respect your privacy. Brandon 323-9500.

AM I READY? Perhaps it’s time to try again. 40 looking for 30s. Arts, travel, festivals, camping, getting out and doing things. Watching a video by the fire is nice too. Not big on bars, but get there often enough. Wanna know more?

REPLY TO BOX 101, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

DWF,59,Warm,kind,fun, feminine, attractive professional seeks same. LDS/given up on men. Seek emotionally commited, stable relationship.

Love music, conversa., the out of doors, Young/active REPLY TO BOX 87, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

TO REPLY TO A PERSONAL AD SEND AN EMAIL TO PERSONALS@SLMETRO. COM. PUT THE BOX NUMBER IN THE SUBJECT FIELD. YOUR EMAIL WILL BE FORWARDED.

ATTORNEY

FURNITURE

JEWELERS

MARLIN G. CRIDDLE, P.C. Serving Utah’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered communities. Estate Planning, Probate, Criminal Law, Bankruptcy, Corporations/Business.

474-2299. marlincriddle.com

MANHATTAN LOFT – Contemporary furniture and accessories with hip sophistication for urban and surburban living.

Check manhattanloft.com to see the style. Stop by the showroom floor for greater selection and instore pricing.

Open 11-7 Mon-Fri, 11-6 Sat. 2233 S. 700 East, SLC

CUSTOM DESIGN JEWELRY. Relaxed atmosphere. All types of stone settings. Commitment rings, wedding rings, earrings, pendants. Repairs welcome.

Charley Hafen Jewelers. Trolley Square. 521-7711

ADVERTISING SERVICE DIRECTORY listings in Salt Lake Metro are a great value at just $25. Call today at 323-9500 or slmetro.com

AUDIO VIDEO DAN FAHNDRICH PRODUCTIONS. Creation in multi-media. Choreography of still or video images with music onto DVD. 801-487-2593. dan. fahndrich@earthlink.net

TO PLACE A PERSONAL AD ESTATE PLANNING GO TO SLMETRO.COM/ PERSONALS AND USE THE FORM. PERSONALS $1 Get the

word out that you are available and looking!

Don’t sit home and mope.

Get out there and date again. $1 special available online only at slmetro. com.

JANE MARQUARDT & DOUG FADEL Attorneys at Law, providing comprehensive estate planning services, custom designed to your unique family situation, including trusts, wills, partnership agreements, estate administration. 801-294-7777 Service Directory ads are $25 for five lines. Down to $14 with contract. Call 323-9500.

GRAPHIC DESIGN JIM RENGSTORF Freelance Graphic Designer. Consultation, Concept, Design, Layout. www.creativehotlist.com/ j_rengstorff2 671-1672

GROUPS GAY WINE CLUB. Join qVinum at qvinum.com for monthly wine tastings and events.

UTAH MALE NATURISTS. Nonsexual group of men enjoying the outdoors in the buff. Home of naked lunches. groups.yahoo.com/group/ utahmalenaturists.

HANDYMEN ADVANTAGE CLEANING Systems – Cleaning, Painting, Carpet cleaning, landscaping, hauling. You name it, we’ll do it! (Well... if it’s legal) 502-6071.

MASSAGE WWW.DENNISMASSAGE.COM A Man’s Man. 598-8344.

“For Men” Model/Massage.

LMT#98212332470 BEAUTIFULY DECORATED rooms for rent. Furnished w/ table, chairs, CD player, $10/hr. Also large classroom for rent $25/hr. or $100/day.

Great for support groups, lecturs, meetings, art shows, etc. Four Winds Healing Arts Center @ Trolley Square.

521-8448 INCREDIBLE Legitimate Bodywork Tall Massage Therapist with strong gentle hands melts muscles and clears stress. Why not feel better right now? call Ben @ 9131803 LMT#5606773-4701 BIG HANDS Make A Big Difference 6’3” LMT downtown In/Out call. You should get the deep relaxation you pay for.

Call Ben @913-1803 LMT #5606773-4701

BEST THERAPISTS, Best Price, Best Place, Best Hours. Call for appointment 486-5500. Pride Massage.

1800 South West Temple, Suite A224.

MAN’S TOUCH. Stimulate your senses, or feel deep peace with a relaxing full body massage. Call Therron for an appointment 801-8793583 for $5 off mention this ad. LMT#5608006

NEON NEON. Personal, Business, Art, Repairs. Fast reliable service. Rod 801-558-4912 rodwaters@hotmail.com

PHOTO FIX YOUR PHOTOS. Restore and/or colorize old photos.

Retouch or alter in any way.

Call 856-5780 or email staysik@hotmail.com

WEBSITES PROFESSIONAL WEBSITE DEVELOPMENT. Any junior high school student can create a website. Only a professional can make one that gets results. Marketing sites starting at $800. Storefront sites from $2000. 856-5655.

YES SIR, OFFICER! Goodlooking, professional GWM, mid-30s, seeks dominant law-enforcement professional, 35-55. I’m healthy, clean, discreet and eager to please. Wild times, no strings.

REPLY TO BOX 86, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

GWM SEEKING BEAR for friendship or more. No smokers. No partyers. Must be employed. Mid 40’s, furry, beard a plus. Must like massage, long walks, and home cooking.

REPLY TO BOX 88, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

SPEED DATING If you have tried all the other ways to meet that special someone, try Speed Dating sponsored

by Salt Lake Metro at Club Panini, a private club for members. Monday, Sept. 13, 7pm. Register in advance at 535-4300.

AM I READY? Perhaps it’s time to try again. 40 looking for 30s. Arts, travel, festivals, camping, getting out and doing things. Watching a video by the fire is nice too. Not big on bars, but get there often enough. Wanna know more?

REPLY TO BOX 101, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

SALT LAKE METRO

NEW IN TOWN, or interested in meeting new friends?

Come to sWerve monthlies, 3rd Saturday of each month, GLBT Center. Info 539-8800 ext. 25 or www.swerveutah. com (join email list!)

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WOMEN FOR WOMEN

SEPTEMBER 16, 2004

QUESTIONING? Ex-gay?

Reporter would like to talk to you for upcoming Metro story on people who have tried to alter their sexual orientation. I will honor your choices and respect your privacy. Brandon 323-9500.

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SALT LAKE METRO ■

SEPTEMBER 16, 2004