Metro, Volume 2, Issue 03

February 3–16 Volume 2

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Issue 3

Mutual Dependence Bill Fails Ruzicka: ‘We don’t have to apologize’

McCoy Asks A.G. for Investigation Amendment 3 funders are suspect

Is It the End for Womyn 4 Women?

Gay Love

Can the lesbian publication survive?

Black and Gay in Utah

Local man deals with homophobia and racism

Photos from Sundance and the Queer Lounge

Plus a report from Eric Tierney on the Scissor Sisters Ruby Agrees with KSL Is the apocalypse near?

Jarvis: Three Special Valentines Wines

The Gay Agenda

News NATIONAL AND WORLD BRIEFS

Senators to Reintroduce Federal Marriage Amendment

by JoSelle Vanderhooft joselle@slmetro.com

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SALT LAKE METRO ■ FEBRUARY 3, 2005

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Washington, D.C.—On January 24, Sen. Wayne Allard, R-Colorado, reintroduced last year’s Federal Marriage Amendment to Congress under a new name, the Marriage Protection Amendment, but with the same purpose—to create a federal ban on gay marriage.

“We think we have more support this time than we had last time around,” Allard told the Rocky Mountain Times on the same day, referring to the amendment’s defeat in a senate cloture vote last July. At that time, it received only 48 of the 60 votes needed to bring it to a vote for final approval.

So far, more than twenty senators, all Republicans, have agreed to cosponsor the amendment. These include Senate Leader Bill Frist (Tennessee), Republican Conference Chair Rick Santorum (Pennsylvania), Conference Secretary Kay Bailey Hutchison (Texas), Elizabeth Dole (North Carolina) and Orrin Hatch (Utah). Also, all six Republican senators who took over a Democratic seat in November’s election, bringing the number of supporters to two more than the amendment received all last year.

The amendment’s reintroduction met with criticism from a number of political groups, including the Democratic National Committee, the Human Rights Campaign and the American Civil Liberties Union.

“It is always disappointing when political leaders are willing to inflame people’s fears for short-term political gain, regardless of the long term cost to our communities and our country,” said Ralph G. Neas, president of People for the American Way. “This measure may never come to a vote in the Senate, and it may never pass. This cynical political ploy looks like the opening shot in the 2006 congressional campaigns by elected officials who hope it will be used to energize religious right voters and distract from other issues such as health care, the economy, and the escalating costs of the war in Iraq.”

“This amendment was conceived to divide the American people, but over and over has done nothing but divide the Republican Party,” agreed HRC Political Director Winnie Stachelberg. “President Bush promised discrimination to his extremist base and now they want him to deliver.”

In a January 16 Washington Post interview, however, Bush told reporters that he did not see any reason to amend the constitution to prohibit gay marriage as long as the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), which allows state not to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states, was still the law of the land.

“Senators have made it clear that so long as DOMA is deemed constitutional, nothing will happen. I’d take their admonition seriously. Until that changes, nothing will happen in the Senate,” he said. His remarks quickly drew criticism from the Arlington Group, a coalition of social conservative

groups such as Focus on the Family, the Family Research Council and the Southern Baptist Convention. The group criticized Bush for taking “a defeatist attitude on an issue that is at the top of our agenda” in a January 18 letter to White House political advisor Karl Rove.

Like several amendment supporters before him, Allard said the MPA is needed to protect the traditional definition of marriage.

“Activist judges and lawyers continue trying to redefine traditional marriage in literally dozens of states,” he said. “The American people through their elected representatives, not unelected judges, should decide the future of marriage in our country.”

Allard isn’t the only congressperson to reconsider the Federal Marriage Amendment.

Rep. Marilyn Musgrave, R-Colorado, has said she will reintroduce the amendment to the House of Representatives this legislative year. In order to be sent to the states for ratification, the Marriage Protection Amendment must pass both houses with a two-thirds vote.

47% of U.S. Protected from Anti-Gay Discrimination Washington, D.C.—A recent analysis conducted by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Policy Institute has revealed that almost half of the U.S. population, or 138 million people, live in a jurisdiction with laws banning discrimination on the basis of actual or perceived sexual orientation, up 13% from figures in 1995. Additionally, the study found that 27% of Americans now live in cities and states with laws prohibiting discrimination against transgender individuals.

“Thanks to the hard work of grassroots activists, the glass of basic fairness for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Americans is slowly filling up,” said Sean Cahill, director of the NGLTF Policy Institute. “While we have a long way to go until all of us are protected from discrimination in employment, housing, and public accommodations, the progress is undeniable and unstoppable.”

However, the study also discovered that nearly 156 million Americans currently live in cities and states without legislation forbidding discrimination on sexual orientation.

In these places, individuals can be fired and refused housing or loans based on their real or perceived sexual orientation. Nearly 215 million Americans live in places without laws forbidding discrimination based on gender identity. There are no laws in Utah protecting queer people from discrimination in housing, credit or private employment.

Currently fifteen states, including Illinois most recently, ban discrimination based on sexual orientation while five have laws protecting individuals from discrimination based on gender identity. The complete study can be found online at www.thetaskforce.org/downloads/glasshalffull.pdf.—JV

Wal-Mart Expands Definition of ‘Immediate Family’

However, Boston’s WGBN, the public station that produces Postcards from Buster, said it will air “Sugartime!” on March 23.—JV

Little Rock, Ark.—Wal-Mart, Inc. moved to revise its definition of “immediate family” to include same-gender domestic partnerships and civil unions in states that legally recognize such relationships.

The change deals with sections of the company’s ethics code that forbid employees from using confidential information to benefit immediate family members and from approaching the company’s suppliers about jobs for immediate family members. The new regulations define immediate family members as spouse, children, parents, siblings and in-laws “whether by birth, adoption, marriage or domestic partnership or civil union.”

Wal-Mart spokesman Gus Whitcomb told the Seattle Post-Intelligencer that the change was made to bring the company “into compliance with state laws in terms of how they look at individuals with regard to policies.” However, he declined to comment on whether the change indicated the company’s stance on same-sex marriage.

Daryl Herrschaft, deputy director for the Human Rights Campaign’s workplace project said his organization hoped that Wal-Mart’s emphasis on “equal responsibility” of samesex couples in the workplace meant that “equal benefits” would eventually follow.

“We are encouraged by this sign showing America’s heartland employer understands same-sex couples share the responsibilities that come with being a family,” he said. “It’s only appropriate for these families to also receive the same benefits as others.” Herrschaft added that his organization would continue to work with Wal-Mart to “expand fair-minded policies to areas where same-sex couples are not recognized by law.”

The nation’s largest employer, Wal-Mart made headlines in 2003 for expanding its non-discrimination policy to include sexual orientation.—JV

Virginia Faces Gay Marrage Ban Amendment

Secretary of Education Blasts PBS Kids Show

PFLAG Welcomes New Executive Director Washinton, D.C.—On Jan 18, Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) announced the selection of the organization’s new executive director, Jody Michael Huckaby. This announcement concludes a six-month search process by PFLAG’s search committee, who reviewed the qualifications of more than sixty applicants.

“Under Jody’s leadership, we know PFLAG will grow and prosper as an outstanding advocate of equality for our GLBT family members and loved ones,” said Samuel Thoron, PFLAG’s President.

Over the last 14 years, Huckaby has served as Executive Director of New Mexico AIDS Services, Inc., Bering Community Service Foundation and, most recently, the Washington Humane Society. Huckaby begins serving as executive director of PFLAG in early March.

Huckaby is the seventh of eight children and grew up in a small town in Louisiana. He is gay and has three gay brothers.

“I am honored to become a part of the PFLAG family,” said Huckaby. “With its 30 year history, PFLAG is the unique family voice on GLBT issues. Having been raised in a large family in a small town in southwestern Louisiana, I know the challenges that families can face when coping with sexual orientation and gender identity. My family didn’t have the resources of PFLAG to help us back then.”

Huckaby points out that PFLAG is one of the leading organizations helping to end discrimination toward queer people. “I am very excited about working with PFLAG to help fulfill its critical mission” he said.

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is the nation’s foremost family-based organization committed to the civil rights of gays, lesbians, bisexual and transgender persons. www.pflag.org - JK

FEBRUARY 3, 2005 ■ SALT LAKE METRO ■ 3

Washington, D.C.—In a January 25 letter to Public Broadcasting Service executives, new Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings criticized the organization for spending public money on an episode of the popular children’s program Postcards from Buster that includes two lesbian couples.

The television show details the adventures of a rabbit named Buster who travels the country taking video footage of the families he meets. The unaired episode in question, called “Sugartime!” centered on Vermont farm life and maple sugaring with the couples making only a background appearance.

Postcards from Buster receives funding through the federal Ready-To-Learn program, which aims to help children learn through television. Spellings said the episode does not fulfill funding parameters that include giving attention to “research-based educational objectives, content and materials.”

“Many parents would not want their young children exposed to the lifestyles portrayed in the episode,” Spellings wrote to PBS President and CEO Pat Mitchell.

“Congress’ and the Department’s purpose in funding this programming certainly was not to introduce this kind of subject matter to children, particularly through the powerful and intimate medium of television.”

Spellings also asked the network to consider refunding the federal money it spent on the episode.

On January 26, Lea Sloan, PBS’ vice president of media relations, told the Associated Press that the nonprofit network would not distribute the episode to its 349 stations.

Richmond, Va.—A proposed constitutional amendment seeking to ban gay marriage in Virginia passed the Senate Privileges and Elections Committee in an 11-3 vote January 25.

The resolution, SJ 337, would add two sentences to the state’s constitution. The first would define marriage as the union of a man and a woman. The second would forbid the state or any municipalities from recognizing arrangements, such as civil unions, that seek to adopt the legal responsibilities and privileges of marriage.

Sen. Stephen D. Newman, R-Lynchburg, said he is sponsoring the bill as a defensive measure after courts in other states moved to recognize gay marriage.

“I do not believe that we are here because those individuals who want to defend marriage brought us here,” Newman told the Associated Press. “We are here because there is another element in America today that has made it very clear that going after the current definition of marriage and changing that definition of marriage is a stated goal.”

On the same day, Senator Mary Margaret Whipple, D–Arlington, proposed an amendment that would delete the sentence banning civil unions, arguing that the first was sufficient to protect the definition of traditional marriage.

The amendment failed in a 4-10 vote.

To become part of Virginia’s Constitution, SJ 337 must be passed by the legislature in 2005 and 2006. If successful in both years, it could appear on the 2006 ballot.—JV

News LOCAL

McCoy Asks the Attorney General to Investigate Amendment 3 Backers

by Jere Keys jere@slmetro.com

The election may be over and Amendment 3 on the books, but Scott McCoy isn’t done fighting yet. In a January 12 letter to Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff, McCoy has asked the AG’s office to investigate Marriage Educations Initiatives and Utahns for a Better Tommorrow.

McCoy believes that Scott McCoy the organizations, which helped to pass the anti-gay marriage amendment, may have violated the state’s campaign finance disclosure laws.

During the election cycle, proponents of Amendment 3 organized a political issues committee (“PIC”) called Utahns for a Better Tomorrow, chaired by Monte Stewart, Tiani Coleman and Yvette Diaz.

The organization was meant to be an umbrella organization for the existing PICs already advocating for Amendment 3.

Utahns for a Better Tomorrow was organized on October 3, 2004. During only one month between its founding and the end of the election, the organization raised $354,013. Among that money are two donations from Marriage Education Initiatives—a $50,000 in-kind donation on October 18, and a $120,000 cash donation on October 19—making MEI one of the

largest supporters of the controversial bill.

“The circumstances of MEI’s creation are suspect,” wrote McCoy. “MEI was organized as a non-profit corporation on October 18, 2004; the same day it made its $50,000 in-kind contribution to UBT and the day before it made its $120,000 contribution.”

McCoy goes on to point out the MEI listed a local address it never occupied and seems to have existed for no purpose other than making those donations. McCoy is also concerned that one of MEI’s corporate trustees, Neil Blair, has been in trouble for violating campaign finance laws before. McCoy also points out that Utahns for a Better Tomorrow listed Blair as the person to whom checks for them should be sent.

“Mr. Blair’s role as check collector for UBT on its website and his involvement in creating the mystery corporation that miraculously contributed $170,000 to UBT in a two day period two weeks before the election raises serious questions of impropriety,” wrote McCoy to the Attorney General. “The connection between Mr. Blair and UBT also strains the believability of UBT’s claims not to have any knowledge of Neal Blair or MEI.” McCoy goes on to suggest that “MEI was nothing more than a shell corporate entity organized for the purpose of funneling campaign contributions to UBT in circumvention of the legal requirement to disclose the true identity of the contributors.”

City Orders Closure of 14th Street Gym

by Rob Orton

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SALT LAKE METRO ■ FEBRUARY 3, 2005

rob@slmetro.com

On January 21, the Office of the Mayor of Salt Lake City ordered suspension of the business license for the 14th Street Gym. In a hearing with the owners earlier that day, the police department, business licensing office, and city attorneys presented evidence of lewd conduct at the gym, a violation of city code.

The business is suspended through April 19, after which it will be opened on a ninemonth provisional renewal. If there are any violations in that period, the business license will be revoked.

Salt Lake City police entered the gym numerous times to investigate a public complaint. Over the course of a year, police agents documented five accounts of lewd conduct. Police also said tips to the lewd conduct came from online websites that provide cruising information.

Pioneer Precinct Captain Kyle Jones said

this is not about the gym being a known gay hangout or pickup spot. It’s about a public health issue and illegal conduct.

“We have a responsibility to protect the public health and the conduct in the gym does not promote positive public health,” Jones said.

During the city’s investigation, an agent of the facility indicated they had condoned, encouraged, or ignored the conduct, and that the owners had opportunity to be aware.

Actions ordered by the city are “serious and wide sweeping changes,” additional attendants, and notification to the websites that have listed the gym “so that they contain a statement that lewd conduct will not be permitted.”

The owners say they intend to remain in business and that the gym will be open again as soon as April 22. They will retain the same format and clientele, but indicate there will be other changes before the reopening.

Sister of James Byrd Talks With Utah Governor About Hate Crime The Utah Black Leadership Foundation, Utahns Together Against Hate and a coalition of other community based organizations hosted a public meeting featuring Louvon Byrd Harris of the James L. Byrd Foundation for Racial Healing. Harris is the youngest sister of the late James L. Byrd whose brutal murder by dragging was the catalyst for discussion though out the nation for redoubling the effort to pass effective federal and local hate crime legislation and an added impetus to efforts in Utah. Harris’ story is a compelling one that illustrates both the damage done by crimes of violence based on hate and the resiliency of people committed to fighting it.

Harris met with Governor Huntsman earlier in the day in what she called a “very cordial and respectful” meeting. She said that Huntsman told her of his real concern for his daughter.

Harris also was the keynote speaker at a luncheon and symposium for community and law enforcement leaders presented by the U.S. Attorney’s Office and the Salt Lake City Mayor’s Office.

The U.S. Attorney’s Office introduced the “Recognize, Report, Investigate, Prosecute, Punish” project as a mechanism for handling hate crimes in Utah.

During the evening public meeting, House Bill 50 sponsor Rep. David Litvak, D-Salt Lake, spoke passionately about the need for a hate crime law in the state and drew passionate responses from the audience.

“Take that passion to your state legislators,” Litvak implored the audience.

“Representatives in Utah County and around the state need to hear that passion.

We need to let them know that voting for this bill is supported by their constituents.

We need to let them know it is important to you.”

Litvak and others brought up the late State Senator Pete Suazo and his wife Alicia, vowing to carry on Suazo’s work to pass this legislation.

“Pete knew of the importance to pass hate crime legislation in Utah,” Litvak said.

“His untimely death did not end this fight.”

James Byrd Jr. died June 7, 1998 after he was beaten by John William King, Shawn Allen Berry and Lawrence Russell Brewer.

He was chained to a pickup and dragged down a street near Jasper, Texas. Even after he came unchained, the three rechained him and continued the torture.

Byrd was decapitated during the dragging.

The men, who stood trial separately, were convicted of Byrd’s murder in 1999. King and Brewer received death penalties and Berry was sentenced to life in prison.

Harris is a single parent of an eight year old daughter, Alexis. After the death of her older brother, Louvon began to travel around the world speaking out against hate of any kind. She serves as administrative assistant on the board of The Byrd Foundation. She served a crucial role in the passage of the James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Law in Texas. The City of Ohio has awarded Louvon with the key to the city for her efforts and commitment in the series Healing the Hate. She has been awarded numerous other awards for her continuous service in the community. She currently resides in Houston, Texas.

Utahns Together Against hate is a new coalition whose primary purpose is the passage of a fair and effective hate crimes bill. They have retained Dave Spatafore to lobby for the bill. Spatafore said 44 states have enforceable hate-crimes statutes and that it is time to put a face on hate crime in Utah and pass this legislation.

For more information on Utahns Together Against Hate, go to www.utahnstogetheragainsthate.org

True Colors: Local Man Takes on Racism, Homophobia A Profile in Honor of Black History Month

by Ryan Oliver Hansen ryan@slmetro.com

FEBRUARY 3, 2005 ■ SALT LAKE METRO ■ 5

Picture it: gay, black, and living in Salt Lake City, Utah. It goes without saying that for Rayshawn Carr—who is all three—life, at times, leaves him feeling more than a little different from the rest of the crowd. “I have to work extra hard to be taken seriously,” says Carr. “I’ve got two big strikes against me.”

February is Black History Month, and for Carr, this means making history of his own.

Carr is one of the few members of his family who graduated from high school and sought out higher education. His pioneering Rayshawn Carr efforts in education are coupled by a complex coming-out story that involved tackling homophobia and racism.

Four years ago, Carr, 22, moved to Utah from his predominantly black neighborhood in Cincinnati, Ohio. He attended the LDS Business College, from which he graduated in 2003, and is currently studying at the University of Utah.

Although Carr is now distant from LDS practices, he says that his involvement with the LDS church gave him the vision of the importance of education, for which he is grateful. But Utah Mormons were significantly different from Ohio Mormons, according to Carr.

“In Ohio, the LDS Church was different.

The people there are more open-minded.

Everybody was welcome. They are much less judgmental than they are in Utah. When I moved here, people at church wouldn’t even say hello to me,” said Carr.

People in Utah need to open their minds when it comes to black people, according to Carr, and try and do more self-educating than judging.

Coming out in Utah further complicated the challenges Carr had to face. But he’s determined to stay focused on an uphill battlefield.

Carr seeks to make a difference in what he sees as three major social problems: racism on the part of whites, racism on the part of blacks, and homophobia within the black community.

“I seek to be a tool to help people be able to talk about things they refuse to talk about,” says Carr. “People have to come out of their comfort zones.”

In general, African-Americans have a greater level of homophobia than Caucasians, according to Carr, who says that within his own family he’s unable to discuss homosexuality at length with the majority of his family members.

“I’m lucky to have my grandma. She’s like my perfect person in an imperfect world.

She loves me no matter what, and accepts me without judging. But when it comes to the rest of my family, we don’t really talk about me being gay,” said Carr.

Carr says that the gay community in Salt Lake is drastically different from the gay community in Ohio.

“In Ohio, there’s a black gay scene and

there’s a white gay scene. People don’t mix.

And gay black men in Ohio have a very conformist way of doing things. It’s all about being rough and tough,” says Carr. “And it’s easier to conform than to be an outsider.”

And he says that for black gay men in Utah, there’s a whole other set of problems to face. “White gay men in Utah are intimidated by gay black men. But they also have an attitude of superiority. It’s a reflection of the white Utah community at large—I’m often completely judged by my appearance no matter how nice I dress. I feel that my positive actions are overlooked,” said Carr.

Carr says that popular hip-hop culture, styles that promote baggy, “masculine” clothing, and “blacks only” brands, such as FUBU or Phat Farm, pressure gay AfricanAmerican men to act a certain way.

“I feel like I don’t fit in with the straight black ‘rough and tough’ community, because I don’t dress in their manner. And within black male culture, being gay is being less of a man,” says Carr.

Homophobia in the black community is creating a harmful wedge, according to Carr, who says that the division will make or break the community. “If we don’t stand together, we won’t make it,” said Carr.

Education within the black gay community is crucial, says Carr. “Black gay men have a reputation of being promiscuous, of having STDs, of being unreliable, and of not getting things done,” he said. “We must work to educate ourselves and other people on these issues in order for change to happen.”

Carr seeks to educate homophobic African-Americans. “We can’t hate each other.

These destructive barriers will keep us from achieving our goals. My being homosexual does not make me any different—it does not change my heart or my character. I’m African-American before I’m gay. We live in a world of injustice; dividing our own community only makes us our own worst enemies,” said Carr.

But Carr agrees with black leaders who don’t want the modern gay movement compared to the black civil rights movement.

“Both movements fight inequality. But it is not fair to compare them—it’s apples and oranges. They’re trying to accomplish different things. The black movement was about getting the right to vote, to be educated, and to be heard. I don’t want to say that as gays we face lesser injustices, but comparing the two communities will only divide them even more,” said Carr.

Carr often finds himself discouraged by day-to-day discrimination based on stereotypes that blacks are violent or delinquent.

“I can be walking down the street, dressed in a collared shirt and a sweater, holding my head high, and someone walking past me will still clutch tighter to their purse,” he said.

But, in spite of being an “outsider,” Carr considers himself a survivor and hopes to make a difference in the African-American community.

“I’m going to work hard and set goals,” says Carr. “I’m educating myself so that I can help people. Those who choose to judge me cannot make or break me.”

News LOCAL

Salt Lake to Host National Gay Men’s Health Summit Citing alarming trends in politics and cultural attitudes, a national group called the National Gay Men’s Health Summit 2005 Collective has begun organizing to plan a grassroots event in Salt Lake City. The group, which includes a dozen individuals from all over the United States and Canada, along with over 120 people listed as “endorsers,” has formally announced the summit for October 19–23 in Salt Lake City.

Determined to focus on a variety of topics, the group admits, in the first press release, that they have ambitious aims and little money, but will focus on the needs and wants of the community rather than attracting big name sponsors or celebrities.

“We strongly believe it is time to come together with a sense of urgency and collective power,” states the first announcement from the collective.

Like previous Utah Gay Men’s Health Summits, the National Summit will not focus exclusively on HIV/AIDS, but will

address aspects of social, psychological, physical and interpersonal health as well.

The group also emphasizes that it is open and welcoming of men in all age groups, all races, all backgrounds (“activists as well as researchers, doctors as well as holistic health practitioners, religious and spiritual leaders as well as sex workers”) regardless of the language used to identify themselves (gay, bisexual, queer, transgender, FTM, etc.).

Proposed aspects of the program include varied topics such as yoga, syphilis, leadership development, gender and masculinity, fitness, and the health concerns coming out of circuit parties.

Work on the National Gay Men’s Health Summit 2005 has begun and organizers are hoping to attract registrants, supporters and interested people early. The group has launched its website (www.gmhs2005.com) and can be reached at 888-968-7968 or at gmhs2005@utahaids.org. –JK

Center Announces New Board Pride 2005 Theme: ‘Equal Rights–No More–No Less’

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SALT LAKE METRO ■ FEBRUARY 3, 2005

The GLBT Community Center of Utah has announced the selection of a new board of directors for 2005. The group includes some returning faces along with several new volunteers who will guide the nonprofit organization in the coming year.

Beginning with a board retreat on February 12, the group will begin making short-

and long-term plans for the community organization. Additionally, the board is hosting a townhall/membership meeting on March 12 and an invite-only breakfast function on March 16 to get feedback from the community about what they would like to see The Center accomplish.

With the new board, The Center is also underway with planning for Utah Pride 2005. This year’s theme will be “Equal Rights—No More—No Less” and will take place from June 8–12, with the parade and festival happening on Sunday, June 12. Sherry Booth is serving as the Pride Coordinator for this year and has volunteer and vendor applications available at The Center.

The new board consists of: Evelyn Garlington, president; Robert Austin,vice president; John M. Johnson, treasurer; Polly Stewart, secretary; and members-at-large Sherry Booth, Jere Keys, Melissa Larsen, Juan Lopez, Luci Malin, Laurie Mecham, Charles Milne, Barbara P. Nash, Sarmeesha Reddy, Jim Rengstorf, Denise Smith, Kathryn Steffensen, Kip Swan, and Brett Vuksinick.

The Center’s board of directors meets on the fourth Monday of each month. —JK For additional information about The Center call 539-8800 or visit www.glccu.org. For more information or to volunteer for Utah Pride, call Sherry Booth at 539-8800 x 12 or visit www.utah.pride.org.

Mutual Dependence Benefits Contract Bill Fails the Senate Ruzicka says “We Don’t Need to Apologize for [Amendment 3]” The 2005 Session of the Utah Legislature is off and running. Several key bills being watched closely by the queer community are making their way through the lawmaking process.

Perhaps the most controversial bill this year, Senate Bill 89, the “Mutual Dependence Benefits Contract” has been defeated in the senate. The bill would have created a contract between people unable to marry that would allow for them to make medical decisions for one another among other benefits.

The bill, proposed by Senator Gregory Bell (R-Fruit Heights), passed the Senate Committee on Health and Human Services after testimony from Jane Marquardt of Equality Utah. It then passed the first senate floor vote 15 to 10, but moments before Salt Lake Metro went to press February 1, it was defeated 18 to 10, with one abstention.

Five Republicans switched their votes on the third and final reading of the bill.

The bill had been amended twice in efforts to appease conUtah Eagle Forum President servatives, Gayle Ruzicka but Allen Christensen, R-N. Ogden; Dan Eastman, R-Bountiful; Sheldon Killpack, R-Syracuse; Michael Waddoups, R-Taylorsville; and Senate President John Valentine, R-Orem switched their votes on the bill, defeating it. All Democrats on the floor voted for the bill, as did three Republicans—the bill’s sponsor, Sen. Bell, Peter Knudson, R-Brigham City, and Carlene Walker, R-Cottonwood Heights. Democrat Paula Julander was absent for the vote.

Once again, Gayle Ruzicka and the Eagle Forum seems to have been instrumental in

blocking this progressive legislation.

“We’re going to kill this,” Ruzicka said to the Salt Lake Tribune earlier in the week.

“This is an apology for Amendment 3 and we don’t need to apologize for that.”

Another bill expecting competition from capitol hill conservatives is the Hate Crime Bill, House Bill 50 sponsored

by Rep. David Litvack (D-SLC). Despite popular support for the bill and a Herculean effort by proponents, the bill has been defeated in many past sessions by conservatives who object to including sexual orientation among the qualities of victims the law would apply to.

Public support has been strong, however, and on January 28, The Utah Black Leadership Foundation, Utahns Together Against Hate and a coalition of other community based organizations hosted a public meeting featuring Louvon Byrd Harris, the sister of the late James L. Byrd whose brutal murder by dragging was the catalyst for discussion thoughout the nation for redoubling the effort to pass effective hate crimes legislation nationally.

HB 50 has been introduced in the House and is currently in committee.

Other bills of interest—such as the School Curriculum Amendment (HB 72) which would require schools to teach about HIV/AIDS, the Provisions for the Emancipation of a Minor (HB 77) which would allow agencies to provide care to homeless minors; and the Family Impact Statement on Legislation (HJR 02) which would further encode a narrow definition of family into our legal structure—have been introduced and are making their way through committees.

Since the legislative calendar often changes rapidly, concerned members of the community are encouraged to utilize the bill tracking services offered on the official state website (le.utah.gov) and check daily to see what is happening. Additionally, contacting your elected officials early and often is the most important way to support or oppose legislation you have an interest in. —JK

Do You Have What It Takes to Be a Slut?

The Utah Cyber Sluts, a group of camp drag performers who raise money for a variety of charities, is holding auditions for new members. Known for their big hair, big boots, loud makeup and truly appalling fashion, the volunteer group has become a popular act in Salt Lake City.

Potential sluts are now being sought for the group. Interested performers will be asked to present a comic performance in character and costume in front of current members—although the Cyber Sluts will help the lucky sluts-in-training who are chosen in developing character and style.

To arrange an audition, contact Chevy Suburban, the Madame Superior of Cyber Sluts, at 901-0902.

The Utah Cyber Sluts have performed at such events as Utah Pride, Park City Fourth of July Parade, Pridaho and much more. Current members include Andromeda Strange, Beneatha Serta, Anita Dingy, Tracie Aviary, Ruby Ridge, Beverley Heels, and Chevy Suburban.

The Cyber Sluts are currently hosting Bingo for a ten week season at Todd’s Bar and Grill on Wednesday nights from 8-10p. m, to benefit Camp Pinecliff Weekend (a camp for people with HIV/AIDS and their caregivers held every September above Coalville for the last 14 years).

More information on the Utah Cyber Sluts can be found at www.utahcybersluts.com.—JK

Unitarian Universalists Offer a Spiritual Home for Anyone

by JoSelle Vanderhooft joselle@slmetro.com

(Fourth in a six-part series on gay spirituality)

Located at 6876 S. Highland Drive (2000 East), the South Valley Unitarian Universalist Society holds services every Sunday morning at 10:30 a.m. All are welcome to attend.

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Due to what he viewed as “anti gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender messages” Sean Parker Dennison “gave up” on Christianity until 1991, when the birth of his son made him reevaluate the idea of organized religion.

“I remember thinking I need to find a community of hope so he can have hope for the world as he grows up,” recalls Dennison, a transgender man. “For many years one of my friends had been telling me, ‘You should try the Unitarian Universalists, you would fit right in.’ ” A few months later, Dennison visited a Unitarian church in his Iowa town. He “immediately felt at home” so much that he applied to join a Unitarian Universalist seminary after graduating from college.

Today, he serves as South Valley Unitarian Universalist Society’s minister.

Unitarian Universalism initially began as two separate movements. Unitarianism was founded in the 16th century by a group of Christians who rejected the concept of a triune God—God as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—in which most Christian churches believed. Two centuries later, Christian reformers in Europe and America adopted the name Universalism for their belief that a loving God would not condemn anyone to Hell—a belief they named universal salvation. As they developed, both churches adopted a theology based in reason and a structure that allowed each congregation to be independent. The two separate movements became so similar in doctrine and practice that they voted to merge in 1961.

Though originally based in the JudeoChristian tradition, today’s Unitarian Universalism embraces a number of religious traditions including Buddhism, Hinduism and Paganism. Agnostics and atheists can also be members of Unitarian Universalist congregations. How do people with several different beliefs manage to get along together?

“We hold certain ethical values in common,” Dennison explains, citing the Unitarian beliefs in “religious freedom and the separation of church and state” and in upholding “the worth and dignity of every person.” But when it comes to reasons for upholding these ethics, Unitarian Universalists are allowed to follow their own paths.

“You can explore far and wide,” he says.

“You can touch historic religions from all times and places from all over the world, but when it really comes down to it we trust the individual conscience of each person to tell them when they’ve found that thing that works for them and is going to help them live a better life and be a better person.”

According to Dennison, the Unitarian Universalist emphasis on ethics and freedom of conscience has also made it historically a good home for many gays and lesbians of faith.

“The way [our] values are most often acted out is in being very tolerant, welcoming and accepting,” he says. “That is where some of the work we’ve done for GLBT

rights comes from—that sense that everyone has a right to live free from harassment, to hold a job without fear of losing it, to form a permanent legally recognized relationship with another person regardless of their gender.”

Still, he stresses that the South Valley Unitarian Universalist Society where he presides isn’t a church just for gays and lesbians, despite the rainbow flag hanging over the door proclaiming the building a “hate free zone” and the congregation’s past dedication to opposing Amendment 3, Utah’s constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage. In fact, Dennison says that he actually spends comparatively little time ministering specifically to gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders, despite being contacted “once a month or so” by people considering transitioning their gender. Mostly, he says, he worries about “managing the program, preparing for Sunday service, pastoral care, [performing] pre-marriage and pre-commitment ceremony counseling and worrying about the budget.”

Still, he says his religion has been invaluable to his life, particularly because of the positive way in which most Unitarian Universalists have treated him.

“I think most people when they hear this sort of wild combination, that I’m a transgender UU minister living in Utah, their jaw drops,” he laughs. “But this community, the South Valley Church, they really are living their values. When they said they welcome everyone they meant it. So when they were looking for a minister, they didn’t let my identity stand in the way. Now there were individuals in the congregation who were uncomfortable and anxious.

That’s to be expected. Being transgender is very new in our culture. But they were willing to meet me, to listen to me and hear my story, and see me as a whole person and a minister first, and transgender somewhere down the list.” In turn, he was also able to listen to and accept his congregants’ concerns. And in the end, “they got over their discomfort and they learned that transgendered people were just people, too.”

The church was also there when he needed support before he transitioned.

“I was born and raised in Iowa and actually had no clue until I was about 29 years old that it was possible to transition from female to male,” he says. “So I went off to seminary knowing that I was probably transgendered and really scared of it because it seemed like such a hard thing.

When I told the president of the seminary [about my fears], she met me with great respect and warmth and offered to help educate the community about the issue and did so. And Unitarian Universalism has been a place where I have been fully welcomed to bring my whole self, all of my gifts and this particular spiritual journey, and the two are so closely connected I couldn’t bring just one.”

Opinion

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State’s ‘Celebration of Marriage’ is an Insult This week, the state is sponsoring a celebration of marriage. In recognition of the central role the institution of marriage fulfills in our society, there will be special events, workshops and a great deal of speech-making by our elected officials. And of course, we’re left wondering, what about us?

Former governor Olene Walker recognized that marriage is a valued and valuable part of human society. In signing the declaration to celebrate marriage, she announced that “marriage is an essential aspect of human society.” The declaration points out that marriage binds people together with affection, mutual aid and mutual obligation. Marriage, she said, provides irreplaceable personal happiness and in reference to scientific study, points out that people in marriage relationships generally live longer, experience better health and generally enjoy more satisfying lives.

It is in particularly bad taste, then, that the state which just voted to deny marriage rights to thousands of its citizens is going to expend so much energy to praise and celebrate the institution. It’s in bad taste that a woman who recognizes that marriage is a central component to the health and happiness of people also endorsed a law banning queer people from obtaining those benefits.

Last year over Valentine’s Day weekend, the nation was rocked by San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom’s decision to go against California state law and begin marrying gay couples. While gay marriage has been a hot topic within our community for some time, the image of literally thousands of gay couples lining up to be wed—and similar events in places like Oregon, New York and Massachusetts—began a public dialogue on the subject unlike any we’ve had before.

We know now that the dialogue hasn’t all been positive—that 11 states including Utah reacted to the events that began last Valentine’s Day by passing anti-gay marriage laws. Marriage became a major topic in the presidential election and some have even said the queer community’s quest for marriage equality is what caused so many evangelical voters to show up in support of the Republican Party last November. It’s not necessarily true, but it’s what they say.

Still, we remember how exciting and wonderful it felt when just a year ago we were hearing the first news reports of same-gender marriage in the Gay Mecca that is San Francisco. It’s a feeling we hope to have again someday.

Instead, we find ourselves rubbing at the wounds from the backlash. And events such as Utah’s celebration of marriage this week are like salt in those wounds. It will be hard to hear the news coverage of the events without feeling deliberately excluded. It will be painful to listen to the speeches, riddled with ignorance at best and hypocrisy at worst, praising and extolling the virtues of a legal relationship denied to us.

If marriage is an institution which, as Gov. Walker said, provides irreplaceable happiness, we wonder where the Declaration of Independence fits in? You know, that pesky document which inspired our national identity which says that we are all created equal and we all have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

We strongly denounce this state-sponsored “celebration of marriage.” It is an offense to our community, a witless mockery of our national ideals, and in the poorest of possible taste. Rarely has such insincerity, legal double standards and downright mean-spiritedness been celebrated by the government of the American people.

From the Editor Injustice Anywhere

by Jere Keys jere@slmetro.com

I’d like to say, in my very best Ruby Ridge impression, that this has been a rather busy news cycle, kittens. Between the beginning of the legislative session, Sundance, the last week of our Utah’s Best voting and the normal amount of news, I’ve almost forgotten that Valentine’s Day is fast approaching.

Almost. We single people never really forget about Valentine’s Day (have you ever noticed it has the same initials as Venereal Disease?), but we can pretend to.

Anyway, I’ve decided to make the most of my holiday this year. Since it’s a celebration of love, I’m going to spend the day contacting my elected officials and expressing my thoughts on the important bills before the state and federal legislature while the rest of you are snuggling with your sweethearts. But don’t wait until February 14 to do the same. The legislature is moving fast and Gayle Ruzicka has vowed to defeat Sen. Bell’s “Mutual Dependents” bill, which would allow medical decision-making, among other things, to couples unable to marry. And isn’t it high time we told Grandma Anti-Gay to sit down and shut up?

The beginning of February also marks another occasion that I consider very important—Black History Month. Ask any long-time civil rights activist to discuss how racism, sexism, heterosexism and all the other –isms out there affect one another and they’ll tell you how one form of hate is very much like another, and the type of person who believes in one kind of intolerance will often believe in others as well.

Or as Martin Luther King, Jr. said in one of my favorite quotes of all time, “injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.”

Much has been said lately about the tensions between the black community, particularly those with deeply-held Christian faiths, and the queer community. Black Americans don’t like having our civil rights movement compared to theirs, and the queer community is beginning to feel attacked by a deep thread of homophobia running through much of black culture. And no one feels these issues as much as people who are both black and queer. There are valid, genuine concerns on both sides and it’s time we seriously considered and addressed them.

An ex-boyfriend of mine used to call me naïve about the deep divide in experience between being white and being an ethnic minority. He was right, of course. I cannot really comprehend the kind of life he had as a black American in a predominantly white environment. But I hope there will never be a moment that I stop caring or stop trying to understand and embrace our differences.

It saddens me a bit that we don’t have more diversity in Salt Lake City. I miss seeing people of various ethnic backgrounds sitting on boards of community organizations. I miss having friends who would challenge my attitudes and assumptions—essentially keeping me in check—about cultures unlike my own.

Well, some food for thought, I guess. Happy Valentine’s Day, Happy Black History Month, and don’t forget to be in touch with your elected officials!

Letters City Queers v. Small Town Gays With winter coming to end, gay pride season will soon be upon us. Once again, our big city queer brothers and sisters will be marching in the street strutting their stuff in a flamboyant way that will shock and awe the average straight person to run for cover.

I believe it is time the GLBT community put an end to these in-your-face parades. Marching down the street in drag and men in Speedos is counter-productive to the advancement of human rights that we are so desperately seeking.

How can we ask society for equal right when we act in such a ridiculous manner? I am not saying we have to cut out the diversity parts of these events, but that we should do it with class. The GLBT community has the talent to put on the world’s classiest parade, especially in our big cities. Just imagine a GLBT parade that out does the Rose Bowl or other famous parades.

Small town openly gay people feel the brunt of homophobia today. Look at the red and blue states and you can see rural gays will be fighting the battle for equality next. These in-yourface parades are counter-productive.

I ask all organizers, or those people that will be partaking in these parades to stop and think.

Ask yourself why you ran to the big cities and then remember those that have stayed back to fight for your equality in small town USA. Then remember that your actions in the big cities affect us back home in small town USA. If the GLBT community really wants equality and respect from mainstream America, it is time we put on the “Ritz” and not the “circus

Crusading for Moral Justice

by William Todd Park liam@slmetro.com

Dan Senglaub Bountiful, UT

Miss Gay Utah Says Thank You “I gain strength, courage, and confidence, by every experience in which I must stop and look fear in the face. I say to myself—I’ve lived through this and can take the next thing that comes along. We must do the things we think we cannot.”—Eleanor Roosevelt Eleanor Roosevelt could have not come any closer to how I have felt this past year. The feeling is even stronger on my last night as the current Miss Gay Utah. I pass the torch on to the next Miss Gay Utah hoping that she will take the position even farther than I have.

It is to you—my family, friends, and community—that all my love and gratitude goes to. It was through your love, support, and guidance that you fostered my growth, and development this past year. You have opened my heart and my eyes to new possibilities, new goals, new dreams, and new aspirations.

It is my wish to thank each and every one of you who have helped me through this past year. My wish is that we all walk away stronger, smarter, and with luck—a bit wiser. It is because of your past experiences and the ones we might have gone through together, I have and neat packages for election sound bites.

It takes several years. For some cultures, it may take decades and for still others it is an evolutionary process that will never fit the tidy structure of our Western mindset.

The underlying question is one that we cannot honestly or in good conscience answer: What is best for someone else? Certainly, there are basic human rights that should never be infringed upon. We, as a country, can impose sanctions and encourage improvements in human conditions, but is it our place to deem one culture more moral or just? The diplomatic high road does have limited success, but dictating someone else’s morality can be, in and of itself, immoral.

The highest goal we can attain in advancing American values should never be to replicate the United States somewhere else, but rather to foster the environment for self-determination.

Instead of using approval ratings as a guide to foment rebellion and supplant governments on foreign shores, our leaders must use the standards of those affected to work toward longterm social and political changes that enhance human dignity and the overall quality of life.

Doing that must start within our own borders. We must champion responsible use of personal and civil liberties, encourage achievement instead of ever-expanding entitlements, and promote better stewardship of our natural resources to reduce our dependence on others.

Most importantly, we must embrace opposing points of view to balance our own biases and to enrich our culture rather than perceiving them as threats. To do anything less is to put us squarely on a path toward a black-and-white culture that looks eerily like those we thought were vanquished at the close of the Cold War or are currently at war with.

Legacy Vaughn Miss Gay Utah 22 Salt Lake Metro welcomes letters from our readers.

Please email them to letters@slmetro.com or mail them to 352 S. Denver St., Salt Lake City UT 84111.

You may also fax 323-9986. We reserve the right to edit for length, libel and relevance.

We have yet to resolve a number of domestic issues that paint us in a moral light to other nations. Our handgun murder rate is sixth in the world, we still have inequalities in pay for women and minorities, and hate crimes continue to go unanswered. Rather than tackle these fundamental social ills, our legislators have chosen to debate “message bills” which do nothing to improve our economy, culture, or community. In promoting their morality in a public venue, the authors of these message bills have not only proven their ineptitude in civic governance, but as well their own moral bankruptcy by playing the Pharisee.

The U.S. has no business imposing so-called Christian values on a nation that is primarily Muslim any more than another country suggest we adopt theirs. Along the same lines, legislators who adhere to a particular faith have no business imposing their values on the community or nation as a whole. Our code of law, foundational documents and founding fathers were secular in nature—common law being cited throughout—despite the assertions of most Christians.

The United States has long been a bastion of many of the things the president spoke about during his inauguration speech, but this nation has also been guilty of a number of egregious injustices and sins of omission that we conveniently gloss over in our history books.

No doubt, this decade will be remembered as a darker chapter in our existence. Let us hope that it will be remembered for battling and defeating a skyrocketing budget deficit, stagnant unemployment, and terrorist attacks rather than one painted by history with a brush of moral fanaticism crusading on foreign shores to fight infidels and its own citizens who think for themselves?

Publisher Michael Aaron Editor Jere Keys Arts Editor Eric J. Tierney Sports Editor David Nelson Proofreader Nicholas Rupp Contributing Brandie Balken Writers Jordan Beckstead Paul Berge Vanessa Chang Janice Eberhardt Ryan Oliver Hansen Beau Jarvis Jane A. Marquardt Laurie Mecham Michael Mitchell Rob Orton William T. Park Jim Provenzano Nicholas Rupp Mandy Q. Racer Ruby Ridge Joel Shoemaker Eric J. Tierney Darren Tucker JoSelle Vanderhooft Ben Williams Contributing Lucy Juarez Photographers William H. Munk Shauna Sanchez Joel Shoemaker Art Director Michael Aaron Designer Kris Kramer Sales Sebastian Cruz Executives Janis Gardner Distribution Steven Peterson Courtney Moser Copyright © 2005 Metro Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any manner, including electronic retrieval systems, without the prior written permission of the publisher. One copy of this publication is free of charge to any individual. Additional copies may be purchased for $1. Anyone taking or destroying multiple copies may be prosecuted for theft at the sole discretion of the publisher. Reward offered for information that leads to the arrest of any individual willfully stealing, destroying or trashing multiple copies. Salt Lake Metro and Utah’s Best for 2005 are trademarks of Metro Publishing, Inc. Opinions expressed are not necessarily those of the publishers or staff.

Salt Lake Metro is published bi-weekly on alternating Thursdays by Metro Publishing, Inc.

352 S. Denver Street, Suite 350 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 (801) 323-9500 Fax: (801) 323-9986 President: Vice President: Secretary: Treasurer:

Michael Aaron Steven Peterson Steve Whittaker Larry Tanner

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The one true patriotic and moral standard we must all aspire to was woven rather predictably throughout King George’s coronation speech on January 20. Dissent from the Washington nouveaux royalty no doubt brings swift censure, not to mention tongue-wagging from our neighbors with bumper stickers left over from the election. Certainly, speeches are replete with hyperbole and crowd-pleasing remarks, but the actions of the would-be king prompted more avoidance of the divisiveness and warmongering he has come to be known for. But then again, since mismanagement on an epic scale is but an oversight in his mind, he is blameless. After all, he has a resounding mandate and hasn’t made any mistakes. Just ask him.

If it were merely a matter of arrogance, one might write his rhetoric off to politics of power.

If it were merely a matter of religion, his lopsided sense of morality could be understood.

But the truly frightening thing is the president’s crusade to impose the neo-conservative values of the royal court on the world, by force if necessary.

The nobility of the values that formed the United States isn’t culled out of brutal military action, propped elections, or economic aid.

Nor does the “regime change” of a corrupt or tyrannical government play out in episodes

side show.” Your small town GLBT family is hoping that this year you will make the right decisions when it comes to celebrating our diversity. Let us have a celebration that welcomes all and not be offensive to those who may disagree.

been graciously left with your teachings tools.

It is then my promise that as I move forward in my journey through life I will use these tools as best as I can; as they will always bring me new ideas. Building a desire to create new experiences for the life I yearn to live ahead. Allowing me to stand before you with parts of myself I had forgotten, even lost, and the awakening depth within myself I never knew existed.

A year ago you obviously saw potential in me.

Potential that I did not see in my own self; however through this past year I have gained back one of my most prized passions—self worth.

It is then that I want to say to our next Miss Gay Utah; that you are only limited by those boundaries for which you place on yourself.

Listen to those around you who have been there before. Their wisdom is an asset that will seldom fail you. But at the same time keep a watchful eye to the horizon. For the future is yours to shape. With your ambition, tempered by the strength, and wisdom of those who came before you—The world will be your oyster.

It is my hope, as I now look over the past year, that I might have done justice, for the chance you gave me when you chose me to represent you. Thank you for the opportunity you had given me. It has been one of the greatest experiences in my life. I hope you feel I have served you well.

With a great love, as I continue to serve!

AberRant Fundamentalists are right about how song lyrics stealthily take over your mind and go “Jesus wants me for a sunbeam”

by Laurie Mecham completely undetected until it’s too late laurie@slmetro.com and you’ve become “share a Coke and a So Valentine’s Day, or as smile.” my daughter dubbed it So a big part of my job for the Queer a few years ago, “Singles Lounge was coordinating the Utah volunAwareness Day,” is just teers, who are a-freakin-mazing and have around the corner. But been so integral to the lovely success of enough sentiment althe Lounge. I called and emailed and ready. I’ve been busting worked on this scheduling matrix for my ass at the film festihours and hours until I could no longer vals working at the Queer Lounge. It has read it or make sense of it. It began to been a LOT of work and a lot of fun, it’s good on the old resume, you make a lot of simply look like a pattern with interesting numerals and alphabet shapes. Then friends, meet great people from around I got a call from a certain volunteer from the world, yada yada. One of the really L.A., which in this case does not stand good things is when Honey Labrador for Layton Apartments. He let me know (the new lesbian star of Bravo Television’s when he would arrive (which would be Queer Eye for the at the last possible Straight Girl) comes minute) and he into the lounge and wanted to be sure you get to have your that he was schedI was driving some picture taken with uled as a bartender. her and she pretends coworkers to lunch Huh? I had bartendto like you and acts They were on like you’re one of the one day and another ers. the picture with the gang. Not the Queer alphabet. I said I’d driver made a bad Eye for the Straight see what I could do.

Girl gang, because and dangerous When I talked to the they are all trim other managers at and toned and have move—perhaps the Lounge, howevfashion sense. Maybe er, they let me know something as foolish the “People Who are that he was blowing Known and Who as attempting to smoke out of his ass Know Others” gang. and I needn’t be too Anyway, she was very beat me to a parking worried about his, nice and sporting. um, needs. So he spot—and out of Probably the most called a couple of enlightening experimy mouth came the days later and gave ence of working the “suggestions” Lounge this year, words, “Oh no, mutha more and asked about however, was finding the schedule and I fucka, not today!” my inner Hollywood said, “You’re not on bitch. the schedule.” He I am a mother, started to argue that a nurturer. I want he was planning to everyone to be happy and to have a place tend bar and we’d had a conversation to sleep and a warm bowl of soup. I do earlier in the week ... I cut him off. Well, not want to make this soup; I just want I tried to cut him off a whole bunch of it to be there already, bubbling aromatitimes, but eventually I had to raise my cally on the stove, perhaps in a magic voice. “No, we didn’t agree on anything. bottomless pot. I would like for there to You gave me some instructions. That is be magical clean bowls as well. I want not the same as agreeing.” He kept trying people to be happy; I like to make them to raise the stakes, along with his voice, laugh. You could say I am something of and suddenly I was just like some poweran Earth Mother, but the sarcastic foulful Hollywood agent or whatever yelling mouthed kind of Earth Mother—sort of into a cell phone while driving. “We will a cross between your grandmother and talk … WE WILL TALK WHEN YOU GET Chris Rock wearing an apron. True, there HERE. I am … I AM NOT HAVING THIS have been times when I seem to have CONVERSATION.” Click! (I didn’t really been possessed by demons. I was driving click, you know, it’s a cell phone, but I some coworkers to lunch one day and pressed “end” very purposefully and with another driver made a bad and dangerdramatic finality.) ous move—perhaps something as foolish I told my wife about the incident later as attempting to beat me to a parking and she was so proud. “Good for you, spot—and out of my mouth came the honey! Stand your ground! Claim your words, “Oh no, mutha fucka, not today!” I power! But don’t do it with me, OK?” didn’t even know where that came from.

So has this changed my life? Oh, I don’t I had to go through my mental filing really know. But just try something, asscabinet for some time before realizing hole, and we’ll see if you ever work in this that I was parroting a phrase heard in the town again. background of a Prince song (I think it

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Self Discovery

King of Hearts XXVII Juan Carlos and Queen of Hearts XXVII Kennedy Cartier of the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire present

King & Queen of Hearts 8pm, February 12 at the Trapp Door, a private club for members.

might be “The Pope.” It’s definitely one of Prince’s songs that contains profanity).

This just goes to prove that the Christian

Others may try to tell you that Laurie Mecham has always been a bitch, but they are frightened little people who wouldn’t know a Gaffer from a Best Boy.

Ruby Ridge Living Gyno to Go Go

by Ruby Ridge ruby@slmetro.com

So darlings, there I was hurtling down 56th West in the Slutmobile when I saw the most completely bizarro thing. You know those poor employees of pizza joints and Jiffy Lubes that have to go outside and humiliate themselves by waving big signs from the curb? Well someone (and ten-to-one it was a man) at a local women’s health clinic must have thought that was some sort of marketing genius, because they had stationed one of their employees on the street corner waving an “OPEN APPOINTMENT” sign. My jaw dropped in

Are Womyn 4 Women?

along with the rest of my house. I can no longer devote the amount of time I have been to produce a monthly publication for a subscriber base that has pretty much leveled off.

I do think that a publication can be a good information medium to use in building and informing a community. I drew upon my experience in creating publications for other organizations to serve this community. But perhaps women are now better served by the instantaneous medium of the Internet. Where few existed two years ago, lesbian e-mail lists and online groups now seem to be flourishing in Utah. Compared to a publication (printed or online), there is very little maintenance involved and membership is free (except for the annoyance of advertising on the sites). Perhaps women are now too busy checking their group sites and e-mail to spare much time for reading a publication.

However, I realize there are still a few lesbians in the state who don’t use computers or who use them rarely. For the past two years, W4W has been the only printed voice for Utah lesbians.

How will these women now stay abreast of what’s going on in their community?

Who will reach out to keep them informed?

Despite the whirl of chat and social activity online, being a lesbian in Utah is still a lonely life. Whether she lives in the city or way out in rural Utah, sometimes it helps just to read about the many good things happening in the community— even if she can’t be there.

After its 24th issue this March, the fate of Womyn 4 Women is up in the air. If the demand and support is strong, I will consider publishing it as a quarterly magazine. I’m willing to do that. But the women in this state had better let me know soon if they want me to keep it going. Otherwise, Womyn 4 Women will go down in the Utah Stonewall Historical Society’s 30-year record of gay and lesbian publications as just another flash in the pan.

Janice Eberhardt is the editor and publisher of Womyn 4 Women. She can be reached at editor@womyn4women.com

asleep at the wheel because seven other states pre-empted us sagebrush puritans by banning smoking in clubs. I thought we were the go-to guys on moral indignation?

This brings us to item number two. Although they are persistently and unabashedly evil, the Utah Taxpayers Association has a valid point. Redevelopment Agencies, and their artificial manipulation of the markets, real estate, and taxes, have got to go. Once RDAs were a viable tool for legitimate blight-busting, but now they are routinely abused and only benefit a few developers and mega retailers at the expense of local businesses, local taxpayers, and local school districts. So I say nuke the mothers! And if he were sober, I’m sure my new best buddy Duane Cardall would say exactly the same damn thing.

Ruby Ridge is one of the more opinionated members of the Utah Cyber Sluts, a Camp Drag group of performers who raise funds and support local charities. Her opinions are her own and fluctuate wildly due to industrial strength irritability and crankiness that dwarfs Andy Rooney. Rod Decker’s voice officially makes her ill.

FEBRUARY 3, 2005 ■ SALT LAKE METRO ■ 11

by Janice Eberhardt After two years in operation, Womyn 4 Women, a monthly magazine for Utah lesbians, is looking at discontinuing publication—at least in its present form.

As the editor and publisher of this small magazine, I had hoped the endeavor of providing Utah lesbians a variety of topics targeted to their interests would catch on so that it could sustain my full-time efforts. However, the subscription base and advertising revenues have not grown adequately enough to cover the amount of time and expense necessary for me to produce and distribute the publication each month.

Curiosity inspired me to create Womyn 4 Women. I wanted to know: 1) was there was a lesbian community in Utah? And 2) where were these women getting together (beyond the bars)? I figured that other lesbians would like to know those answers, too.

When I started Womyn 4 Women in April 2003, I distributed complementary issues throughout the Salt Lake City area and elsewhere for more than a year as the number of paid subscribers increased. In January 2004, W4W was also available to subscribers in electronic files as well as in print.

Many wonderfully creative women contributed an array of images and stories about their relationships, art, businesses, politics, spirituality and personal finances, among other topics of particular interest to lesbians. I am honored to have gathered their stories and shared them with others. Just experiencing this exchange of female synergy has easily has made it well worth all the production work, stress and expense.

Nevertheless, that experience has not come without cost. As my personal debt deepens, I realize it’s time to get paid for my work or else I’ll lose my home office,

disbelief and I almost rear-ended a trucker in front of me. Unfortunately he sped off before I could. Dammit.

Suddenly all those apocalyptic prophecies of John Swallow’s election ads screamed in my ear and I was racked with guilt. I should have known that if a Democrat won the 2nd Congressional District then drivethrough abortions with biggie fries and double-bonus flier miles wouldn’t be too far behind. But who knew they would be right there between the Skippers and the Taco Time? Damn me and my blue-state-liberal, school-choice-voucher-hating ways!!!

Well, muffins, I had to share that with you to prepare you for this. Last week I actually agreed with a Channel 5 editorial by Duane Cardall, and before I had a chance to recover from my self-loathing, I found myself agreeing with a policy recommendation from Howard Stephenson and the ultra-pro-business Utah Taxpayers

Association. I swear to God they are going to confiscate my gay card and measure me up for my own Swedish knit polyester twopant suit, so you may as well just shoot me now pumpkins.

Usually KSL’s editorials make me want to yak, but for once I agree with their position on banning smoking in private clubs. Our gay and lesbian community has a real problem with smoking (and let’s be honest: a bus load of other addictions and bad habits that spring out of our low selfesteem and social baggage) and a ban on smoking in private clubs is long overdue.

So congratulations to Tom Guinney and the folks at Gastronomy for showing some chutzpah and voluntarily banning smoking in their clubs and restaurants long before they are compelled to. You rock, girlfriend, and your Market Street breakfasts rule!

But how is it, muffins, that Godless liberal California is further ahead on smoking cessation than our righteous and micro-managing sin regulators here in Utah? What’s up with that? Someone in the Church office building must have been

Lambda Lore The History of Gay Hate Crimes

by Ben Williams ben@slmetro.com

!

E L A S

Crystal meth is killing many in this community.

What is being done about it?

Let’s start the dialogue now.

If you are interested in participating in the creation of Gay Men’s Meth Crisis Utah, please email methcrisis@slmetro.com.

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BUY CRYSTAL METH GET HIV FREE!

AD CONCEPT: PETER STALEY. DESIGN: MICHAEL AARON.

In 1992 the Utah State Legislators passed a hate crime bill devoid of any language regarding sexual orientation. Every attempt since then to correct this injustice has met with failure. The maiming and killing of gay men and women is a part of the history of queer people since time immemorial. History is replete with government-sanctioned executions for sodomy.

As late as the 19th century, the British navy was hanging British seamen for no other crime than consensual buggery.

The killing of homosexuals persists to the present time in many parts of the world. We know far right regimes as philosophically different as Nazi Germany and Islamic theocracies have executed gay people. Paramilitary death squads in South America have also been responsible for over 1,500 deaths of homosexuals. A recent survey indicated one out of every three Russians believes gays and lesbians should be “liquidated.”

Citing biblical scripture, some neoconservative Christian leaders continue to advocate the death penalty for sodomites. Mormon Apostle Bruce R. McConkie stated he supported the death penalty for all illicit sex including homosexuality. McConkie excused his outrageous assumption by claiming public execution of homosexuals would never take place until the church and state were one. I am not certain how Elder McConkie was going to publicly execute homosexuals; however, his well-received book, “Mormon Doctrine,” instilled in the minds of many in Utah that homosexuals were worthy of death.

For the next couple of columns, I want to report on five heinous murders of gay men in Utah. Most people will have never heard of them outside of the gay community due to a “conspiracy of silence” on the part of the judicial

system and the media. In legal terms homosexuality was called for many years the “unspeakable crime.” Because of this conspicuous silence, it is extremely difficult to determine how many men and women have been killed in Utah for either being homosexual or perceived as being homosexual.

GEORGE ROY MORIARTY George Roy Moriarty’s murder was so horrific even the Salt Lake Tribune printed enough information that most people could tell his death was a sex crime.

George Moriarty, a 33-year-old Korean War veteran, lived in South Salt Lake. On New Year’s Day 1965, Moriarty met Gary Horning, 25, of Ogden, at a Salt Lake City bar. After playing pool and drinking all day, Horning said he had to get back to Ogden to go to work in the morning. Moriarty then told Horning he would like to go with him to Ogden to “have a party.”

The pair drove to Ogden and after visiting several bars, they met up with Leon Dyer, 26. After midnight, the three men drove to a secluded turnout up Ogden Canyon and there Moriarty removed all his clothing.

What set off the events which led to Moriarty’s death, only Dyer and Horning know. Whether Dyer, after having sex, directed his intense feelings of guilt at Moriarty, or whether he was sadistically trying to sexually assault Moriarty is unknown. Horning confessed when Dyer started to hit Moriarty, he ran away naked into the cold January night.

However, evidence shows Moriarty, who was beaten severely enough in the car to leave blood all over a plastic seat, was either tossed or shoved over the edge of the parking area, down a 140-foot embankment. Moriarty survived the fall and climbed back onto the road. Staggering half a mile toward the mouth of the canyon, he encountered Dyer and Horning driving back down the canyon. Surprised to see the man alive and on the road, they struck him with the car.

On January 2, 1965, Moriarty’s body was found by a paper boy. A trail of blood and bare foot prints, in the snow, led to where Moriarty was lying nude, in a fetal position, beside the road. George Moriarty had died sometime during the night from exposure.

On June 17, 1965, a voluntary manslaughter verdict was returned against Dyer and Horning. They were sentenced to only opne to ten years in prison. As in many of the other gay murder cases, Moriarty was portrayed as somehow being responsible for his own grizzly death.

Judge Parley E. Norseth—displeased with the jury’s verdict—vowed the killers would never receive his recommendation for leniency. Judge Norseth said, “You have won a legal victory but not a moral one.”

Next issue: the murders of gay activist Tony Adams and drama student Gordon Church. For more Utah queer history go to our web page at www.utahstonewallhistoricalsociety.com

Scene at Sundance PHOTOS BY MICHAEL AARON

Inside Deep Throat directors Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato speak at a panel at the Queer Lounge.

Queer Lounge founder Ellen Huang, left, and a representative of AfterEllen.com.

Robert Gant of Queer as Folk poses with Salt Lake Metro editor Jere Keys.

John Cameron Mitchell of Hedwig and the Angry Inch interviews with Q Network at the Queer Lounge.

FEBRUARY 3, 2005 ■ SALT LAKE METRO ■ 13

Nick Oram of Q Network’s On the Move.

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Heart to Heart: An Open and Closed Case

by Josh Aterovis veryone is looking for the keys to a successful relationship. Ideas and theories abound, but few would go so far as to say they have it all figured out. A new study by Dr. Steve Forssell, in cooperation with the University of Denver and George Washington University in Washington, D.C., may not provide all the answers, but it certainly offers some food for thought—along with some (perhaps) surprising findings.

Jon and I participated in the Male Couples Relationships Study, along with 109 other couples from all over the United States, and even one couple from the Netherlands. In order to qualify for the study, couples had to be together for at least one year and both partners had to be HIV negative. The ages of the participants ranged from 19 to 66, and the average age was 35. On average, the couples in the study had been together for six and a half years; the longest relationship was thirty-seven years.

Due to the rather small sampling, the study is not definitive. The findings clearly state that more research is

E

needed to replicate the results, and that further study is still needed in certain areas.

The study broke the couples into three groups in regard to their approach to their relationship: closed, open, and no established agreement. A closed relationship means that the couple has agreed there will be no sexual activity outside their relationship. Open means that the couple is to some degree sexually non-exclusive. About half the couples (49 percent) in the survey described their relationship as closed, 38 percent were open, and 13 percent had no established agreement. Of those who were open, the vast majority of couples had rules about sex outside their relationship.

The study focused on the couples’ communication and the effect on their relationship satisfaction, sexual behavior, and mental health. To that end, the study was broken into several sections, some dealing with communication and openness concerning sexual issues, some dealing with sexual behavior, and others dealing with the differences between the various types of couples. Some of the findings

were predictable and backed up by other studies, but some of the results were unexpected.

Unsurprisingly, the study showed that the more couples talked about important issues like HIV and outside sex, the better relationships they tended to have. Couples with higher scores concerning communication levels scored higher on measures of relationship satisfaction, couple consensus, love, commitment, and sexual satisfaction.

Also, the more couples talked, the more likely they were to show lower depression and lower anxiety levels. Positive effects of talking about outside sex were especially strong for men in closed couples. The study also found that the more couples talked about these issues, the less emotionally jealous they were.

However, contrary to expectations, strong couple communication seemed to be unrelated to less risky sex among open couples and cheating among closed couples, although within closed couples only, talking specifically about preventing HIV did result in less risky sex with outside partners.

While on the whole there were few differences between closed, open, and no agreement couples in most areas, I found what differences there were quite interesting.

According to the statistics, over the course of their entire relationship history, 40 percent had outside sex while in an open relationship, while 46 percent had outside sex while in a closed relationship. As could be expected, open couples reported the highest rate of outside sex (86 percent), but 64 percent of men in no agreement couples, and 22 percent of men in closed relationships reported engaging in outside sex during their current relationship.

What I found most surprising, however, was the fact that open couples tended to have been together longer than closed couples. The average relationship length in an open relationship was 9.4 years, compared to only 4.5 for closed, and eight years for no agreement. Open couples also tended to be less emotionally jealous than closed couples and have lower panic anxiety than no agreement couples.

Of course, having no agreement about your relationship might be expected to cause some stress for some people.

As for the jealousy found in closed couples, the better question might be what came first—the chicken or the egg? Does the closed relationship cause the jealousy, or are people prone to jealousy more likely to enter into a closed relationship with the idea that there will be fewer jealousyinvoking situations? If the jealousy is arising because of the closed relationship, then increased communication about desire for, and temptation of, outside sex could be beneficial. If, however, jealousy is an inherent problem, talking about outside sex would probably not be an effective strategy to reduce it.

So what does this all mean? Should everyone be in an open relationship? Absolutely not. An open relationship won’t work for everyone. You need to find out what works best for you and your partner. There were happy, well-adjusted couples in all three categories. How do you find out what kind of relationship works best for you? There is an element of trial and error involved, but talking about what you both expect from the relationship and keeping those lines of communication open as you go are extremely important. The key to a happy, healthy relationship seems to be communication. In general, men were less depressed, less anxious, less jealous, and the quality of their relationships in many areas—couple agreement, general satisfaction, commitment, sexual satisfaction, and feelings of love—were better when couples had good communication.

There is no magic formula that will guarantee a perfect relationship, but making sure that you and your partner are able to talk openly and honestly with each other could solve a lot of problems down the road. If you’re already in a relationship that lacks communication, there is good news.

Anyone can learn good communication skills. There are books, courses, and counseling designed to help couples improve their relationships through better communication. A search on Amazon.com for books on gay relationships will turn up many options, or you can contact your local LGBT center for resources.

Whatever form your relationship takes, remember to talk to each other—but don’t let it become all talk and no action! Where’s the fun in that?

Utah Singles Find Love Online

by JoSelle Vanderhooft joselle@slmetro.com

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Jeremy Eskelsen knows all about the social taboo that comes with meeting a boyfriend or girlfriend through the internet.

“Everybody that I tell I met Mike online is all, ‘oh, so it’s going to break up in three months,’” he says, unable to keep from laughing at the absurdity of such pronouncements. After all, he met partner Mark Hargreaves via profiles posted to gayutahsingles.com, a local internet dating service. Far from lasting only three months, they’ve scheduled their commitment ceremony for their third anniversary this summer.

As Eskelsen tells it, the two met when he added Hargreaves’ personal profile to a list of profiles he found interesting. Doing this automatically sent the other man an email with a link to his profile.

After looking it over, the two exchanged emails and soon progressed to talking over instant messenger. They did this for a few weeks before meeting in person.

Although some still scoff at the idea of finding romance through the internet, for Eskelsen it was the only place he could look. Fresh out of drug rehabilitation, he decided that local gay clubs and bars were all the wrong places to search for love. And, he just felt “safer” using a computer as a buffer between him and potential dates.

“The good thing with [the internet] is you have the option to kind of screen people a little before you actually meet them as opposed to going to the bar… where you never really get the opportunity to know anybody because there’s loud music and it’s all chaotic,” he says.

“With the online thing you can actually talk to people and see if you have anything in common or if you’re compatible at all before you meet.”

Hargreaves agrees. “[The internet] is a good way to weed out the people who you won’t have anything in common with,” he says. “After a few emails or chats you get a better sense of who the person is and if there’s any common ground you can actually build on. First dates or blind dates that are set up by friends, you sit there in a coffee shop or wherever you go, and you have to kind of invent things to talk about. And if it’s not happening it’s a lot more awkward to say this is just not going to work to a person’s face.

If you’re on line you don’t have that person looking at you and it’s a bit easier to say we need to move on.”

Although Eskelsen and Hargreaves were lucky in their internet search for love, they admit there are some down-

sides to the technology that brought them together. For one thing they’ve both had their share of bad dates.

They’ve both been frustrated with chat rooms filled with people looking for onenight stands as opposed to the long term relationships they both desired. And sometimes, the anonymity that makes the internet a safe place to talk with others has also lead to disappointments.

“There have been people I’ve talked to that had a great personality,” Eskelsen says. “Then we got together and, without sounding too shallow, there just wasn’t that physical attraction [though] they were very nice people.”

And though their story had a happy ending, both men encourage potential internet daters to be cautious when meeting in person for the first time.

“Meet in a public place,” says Eskelsen.

“Don’t worry about clichés; go and have coffee somewhere and see if the person you were talking to is really who you thought you were talking to online.”

Hargreaves suggests bringing a friend, even if doing so might hinder “one-onone time” with a potential match. “That way you have a little bit of extra protection if you need it. For first meetings that helped my comfort level and left less room for potential problems to result from meeting someone who may be a little bit creepy.”

Spending weeks or even months getting to know someone before meeting can also be helpful.

“All the horror stories that you hear I think are usually people who rush in,” says Eskelsen. “They immediately start talking to someone and they say all the right things and they think they’ve found love. There have also been a lot of stories in the past couple years were gay bashers are going online and setting up fake dates. Which is I guess the other reason this long term talking is good. Someone who is just looking to beat you up to play games by making you think you’ve found someone and you haven’t, nobody wants to spend that much time doing it. If you’re investing a few weeks into maintaining the internet buffer it’s a very safe way to date.”

And a great way to meet people for gays and lesbians like them who don’t like bars and clubs.

“I think particularly, if you’re gay or lesbian and if you aren’t into the bar scene, if you don’t drink and don’t like the atmosphere, where else are you going to go other than the park or someplace scary,” Hargreaves asks. “It’s really the only other place to meet people and to find someone you have something in common with.”

FEATURE

Online Dating Site Asks: Are You a Cat or Dog Person?

by Jere Keys jere@slmetro.com

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Have you ever been on a great date with a great guy or gal? One where things are going well, you’re beginning to suspect that this might be the one . . . so you invite them back to your place, only to have them stop at the door with a look of dread and fear in their eyes.

“You have a c-c-cat?” they choke out as tears well up in their eyes and they begin to sneeze. You have to choose: say goodbye to Mister or Missus Right or say goodbye to Tiger and Fluffy.

Well, now there’s a way to meet people without worrying that they will be incompatible with your beloved pets. In September 2004, Robert Yau and his dog, Hershey, launched Datemypet.com—an online dating and pet lover’s community.

Finally an online dating site that expects you to show off your naughty monkey or playful pussy! And within the queer community, where pets often take the place of children in many households, meeting someone who will love your “children” as

much as you do is very important.

It is not uncommon for animal lovers to find themselves with a mate or partner who is intolerant of their love for their pets.

Datemypet.com is the perfect place to find a date that doesn’t exclaim “I hate your dog’s drooling,” “I’m allergic to your cat,” or “I’m afraid of horses.” Perhaps this Valentine’s Day will find couples horseback riding, kitty adoring, and doggy walking, among other ideas for shared enjoyment!

Datemypet.com promises not to be just another dating site. Yau tells us, “It serves as a community for pet owners that are looking for love or friendship.”

Features of Datemypet.com include the Virtual Kiss (allowing members to flirt without sending an email yet), pet cuteness surveys, and more. Some people even create profiles for their pets who are looking to breed. The site is open to all people, gay or straight, and most services are free of charge.

A quick search before press time didn’t find any gay or lesbian listings from the Utah area yet, but we’re sure that this start-up site will soon attract the queer pet owners of the Beehive State.

Metro Valentines BE MINE (HAPPY VALENTINES) ❤♥❤♥❤ TO MY best friends, Happy Valentine’s Day. I love you. Thanks for everything. I love you Todd’s Bar & Grill. Love, Riley. ❤♥❤♥❤ HEEY, HOBOSEXUAL ... the sun and moon rise and set in your eyes...you are perfect. Burnsie ❤♥❤♥❤ MY BEAUTIFUL baby boy Adam. You are so tight and so clean on this Valentine’s Day. Will you be my Queen? Bubba ❤♥❤♥❤ YOU ARE the one. I love you so much. You make my life complete. Let’s make this last.

Love ya, Tom. ❤♥❤♥❤ CHRISTOPHER, THROUGH all our ups and downs, we still manage to keep it together for the both of us. Let’s continue to ride this rollercoaster I call Love, together. I love you.

RooRoo ❤♥❤♥❤ TO ALL my friends, I love you and thanks for sticking by me.

All my love, Greg. ❤♥❤♥❤ TOM, HAPPY Valentine’s Day my Fancy Face. With love forever yours, Scottie. ❤♥❤♥❤ ROO OF mine I love. Tough times past, good ones ahead.

Love will see us through.

Donkey ❤♥❤♥❤ TO MY hot tiki tiki boyfriend, I love you more and more every day. Looking forward to the next four years. Love, Johnny Disco. ❤♥❤♥❤ GILLIGAN, YOU know how I feel, right? You’re an amazing man to me! I’m very proud of you in so many ways and there are so many ways I want to tell you. Yvie. ❤♥❤♥❤ HAPPY VALENTINE’S to all my new friends in Salt Lake.

Chris S. ❤♥❤♥❤ HEY PRECIOUS, this one’s for you. Happy “V” day. Lots of love. Forever, Dale ❤♥❤♥❤ K.C. BLUMBERG, don’t forget how I was petting the pussy. It will always remind me of how our relationship started. “One Fist Woman!” Nijoniar beleagonna asau. I love you. ❤♥❤♥❤

TO ALL the special ones, I would like to wish all of you a Happy Valentines. Sebastian ❤♥❤♥❤ TO JOE Redburn and the Staff at the Trapp and Trapp Door, thanks for all you do. Happy Valentines. Sebastian ❤♥❤♥❤ RALPH, YOU are the best.

Thanks for all you do. Will you be mine? Happy Valentine’s Day. Anonymous ❤♥❤♥❤ TO BLAINE, Steve, Trigger, Justin Chance, Veneita, Lara, Michelle and Michelle, you are the best, most insane, and unconditionally-loving group of friends ever to grace this earth.

I am astounded by each and every one of you. Happy Valentines Day. Love, BooBoo ❤♥❤♥❤ TO METRO Readers, thank you for all of your support and Happy Valentines Day. ❤♥❤♥❤ ROSES ARE Red, Violets are blue. I want to spend the rest of my days with you. Brandon, you are my reason for being, my happiness and my joy. And you are a great lay. Here’s to many, many years together. Gene. ❤♥❤♥❤ TO JIM, “A piece of a rainbow to color your world, when all seems totally gray. Some roses for the sweet perfume, to kiss your senses with its bouquet.”

XOXO Chris ❤♥❤♥❤ L, I still have the Scooby Doo doll from our first date. I love you more every day. – J ❤♥❤♥❤ MATT P., Will you marry me?

Tyler ❤♥❤♥❤ DEAREST TARALYNN, I was wondering, maybe, if you want to go out sometime... for coffee, food... kisses, and gay love?

Sincerely, Allison. ❤♥❤♥❤ HENRY, I don’t say it often enough, but I love you. Please forgive my annoying little habits, I never want to lose you.

David ❤♥❤♥❤ JOSH, DO you still think about me? I still think about you. I heard you’re single again. Do you think we could make it work this time? I’d like to try.

You know the number. Jordan.

NO ONE BELIEVED we would last. No one thought we could work it all out. No one had faith in us but us. H.H. + R.O. 18 years and counting… ❤♥❤♥❤ TO: SAM – From: Junior. You are my best friend and my only true love... I’m sure you are sent from heaven above...

Today is the first day of the rest of our lives... And our future is beginning to look so bright...

I think I’m falling in love with you... ❤♥❤♥❤ TO: CHARLIE – From: Matt I love you, Charlie. I know i may not be the best bf, but I want you to know I love you, and I need you in my life, I am sorry I stress you but I hope you can forgive me and be my Valentine.

Will you be my Valentine? ❤♥❤♥❤ “THING #2”… I know we’re not supposed to do this, but you are my best friend and I’m grateful every day for the time we spend together. You might not be my valentine in the normal way, but I want you to know you’re in my heart. Love in friendship, “Thing #7” ❤♥❤♥❤ TO: L.A.K. From: S.I.D. Roses are red Violets are blue, We’ve have gone through lots but you know I love you true. ❤♥❤♥❤ MANDY, I’VE got surprise for you. On the 14th, my mom is going to watch the kids, so don’t worry about picking them up. Wear something that can get messy. No fair cheating to find out what I’ve got planned!

Love, Tina. ❤♥❤♥❤ TO: LEE. I love you handsome... with all my heart and soul.

Please don’t give up on us. I miss you so, so much. I love you...I love you... I love you!

Only a little longer until school’s over and we can move in together. From: Brandon ❤♥❤♥❤ TO: MY HUSBAND – From: Jason L. That picture on the living room wall of our trip to the beach… I look at it every day when I get home and wonder how I got to be so lucky. You are the sexiest man I know and I love you! ❤♥❤♥❤ TO METRO Readers, thank you for all of your support and Happy Valentines Day.

Sane Advice Let’s Talk About Sex

by Lee Beckstead & Jim Struve

some suggestions to help you reclaim your sexuality. Consider committing for a period of time to one or two of these suggestions, in the spirit of exploration. Find out what arises when you relate to your sexuality from a different perspective.

Take a deep breath, clear yourself of your cultural trainings about sexuality, and consider how a more intimate sexuality may add to your life.

1. Be willing to know yourself on a deeper level. Notice what you feel when you think about sex. What do you experience during sex and afterwards?

2. Tune in to your motivations for being sexual.

3. Examine any restricted or distorted information you have about sex, sexual arousal, and possibilities of sexual union, including unresolved issues of sexual abuse or misuse.

4. Celebrate sexual diversity for yourself and others. Be aware of how you are “boxed in” sexually. Consider sex as being spiritual, cognitive, psychological, social, emotional, as well as physical.

5. Develop a healthy body image. Accept and value your entire body.

6. Identify the boundaries and rules for how you want to act sexually. Live by these guidelines.

7. Make space for fun and play. Risk more but also play safely.

8. When you are sexual, go slowly. Take time to explore, pleasure, caress, touch, and become deeply acquainted in the moment with each other’s entire bodies, needs, and experiences.

9. When you are sexual, allow the energy to build, expand, and move upward into your heart. Become familiar with feelings of joy and intense pleasure.

10. If you’re in a relationship, pretend you are still dating and rediscover each other over and over. Create new routines.

11. Know what you like before/during/after sex and tell your partner.

Express desire and arousal (“I want you.” “My body is on fire when you do that.”). The right compliments, suggestions, and comments may inspire your love to new sexual heights and comfort.

12. Focus less on the physical acts of sex.

Explore emotional intimacy and enhance other parts of the relationship and each other’s lives.

By paying attention to how you relate to your sexuality, you’ll naturally become more compassionate toward yourself, thereby deepening your “connectedness” to others. The adage “You must love yourself first before you love others” also applies to one’s sexual life.

Lee Beckstead, PhD and Jim Struve, LCSW are private practice psychotherapists in Salt Lake.

FEBRUARY 3, 2005 ■ SALT LAKE METRO ■ 17

How’s your relationship with your sexual desires and needs? Valentine’s Day is looming around the corner and may be stimulating desires for you to connect with someone romantically and even sexually. Our “sane advice” for you this month is to consider your desires and needs by first trying to understand (1) how you feel about yourself as a sexual person, (2) what your attitudes are about sex, and (3) what your motivations are to act sexually.

Many things may have affected how you relate to your sexuality. For example, as sexual minorities, we are vulnerable to believing negative societal beliefs about our sexuality. These constricting attitudes distort what we think is “appropriate” and cause us to feel shame for being sexual. Lack of trust or commitment can be a symptom of internalized homophobia. We may believe that the only way we can connect to others is by being sexual.

Socially prescribed gender roles may also influence our attitudes about sex, including how we feel about our bodies.

For instance, gay and bisexual men may equate sex with performance or conquest, while lesbian and bisexual women may not feel empowered to be assertive about sex. Our past relationship experiences (especially those from childhood) can also influence the kinds of relationships we form. No matter what we may want, we are naturally pulled toward recreating familiar relationships. For example, we may seek out sexual partners who treat us in ways that are similar to how we have been treated by significant people earlier in our lives.

Societal influence may cause a person’s sexuality to be attached to faulty (but familiar) ways of connecting sexually. For example, one may equate sex with self-worth and acceptance and consequently be sexual to feel good or ease loneliness. Sex may be used in a relationship only as self-gratification to achieve a physical or psychological high.

Substances may also be used to inhibit fears, deal with shame, and create a false bonding.

Sometimes we even objectify ourselves, our bodies, specific body types and body parts, and certain gender traits and sexual acts. As objects, our bodies and body parts may be placed on a hierarchy and judged, making us vulnerable to rejection. Pain and disappointment become a greater risk when we build relationships on a foundation of objectified sexuality. We may feel demoralized and settle for relationships that are grounded in survival and letdown. That doesn’t sound like much fun!

This week’s “sane advice” is a message of hope and possibility. It’s important to know that sex can be something revitalizing, creative, and connecting. Here are

CakeWalk. See Thursday, Feb. 10

THE GAY AGENDA 4FRIDAY I had a five-minute phone conversation recently with PROFESSIONAL PSYCHIC LILLI DECAIR in which I learned that she’s an émigré from Europe, has a degree in stress management, administrates an aid program for African refugees, has been teaching metaphysics for twenty years, and is of Jewish and Gypsy descent. That’s a lot of information for five minutes—why not see how much she can find out about you? She’ll perform tarot, tensing, channeling, and more.

5pm, Dancing Crane, 673 E. Simpson Avenue. Most sessions $20.00.

After having the secrets of your future revealed, it’s likely that you’ll need a stiff drink and some chill music. Find both at FLUXUS; DJ JESSE WALKER will be spinning downtempo, jazz, lounge, trip-hop, and deep house to calm down your futurefreaked self.

9pm, The Red Door, 57 W 200 South. The Red Door is a private club for members.

Are you suffering from PostSundancum Depression? You know, the feeling that after all the excitement of having a major indie film festival in town there’s just no reason to drag yourself to the theaters to see boring and uninspired formula scripts? Well, cheer up! The cult phenomenon SPIKE AND MIKE’S SICK AND TWISTED ANIMATION FESTIVAL is coming to Salt Lake. With many new animated shorts that get rather naughty, Spike and Mike gave birth to such cartoon classics as South Park and Beavis and Butthead.

8pm, 10pm, additional midnight screenings on Fridays and Saturdays, through February 17. Brewvies Cinema Pub, 677 South 200 West. 355-5500, 21 and older only. www. spikeandmike.com

5SATURDAY

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The one-woman show about women’s hoohoos comes to Weber State University to benefit the Domestic Violence

Center at Ogden’s YCC. The VAGINA MONOLOGUES has swept the nation and continues to be a crowd pleaser.

2pm and 7:30pm, Wildcat Theater, Weber State University Campus. Tickets $10-15 at the door.

Aaaah, the sixties. Carol Burnett and Rock Hudson could appear in a syrupy Broadway musical together, and as Rock time-stepped around the stage, women swooned and men got jealous. Simpler times … so full of denial. Do not, however, deny yourself the joy of watching said delightful little musical I DO! I DO! is brought to you by the same songwriting team that created the classic The Fantasticks. Do go, do!

7:30pm Mondays through Saturdays, 2pm matinee on Saturdays through February 12, Grand Theatre 1575 South State. Tickets $10-20 at 957-3322.

6SUNDAY We the marginalized, I have always maintained, must stick together. Enhance your awareness of Black Awareness Month with a visit to the PATRICK MOORE GALLERY during February. The gallery will be featuring work by Sudanese refugees, Imibala (which are paintings by various South African artists depicting life in that region), stunning dyed cloth pieces by Lewis Chidziva created in an ancient technique called batik, and acrylica portraits by Carlos Perez. The Royal Heritage Ensemble will perform at the opening.

3-6pm, Patrick Moore Gallery, 511 W 200 South. Free admission. Information at 521-5999

Chocolate lovers unite and sample the wares of local chocolatiers and dance to the groove of local musicians at the CHOCOLATE LOVERS FESTAVILE. 6pm, Spice Restaurant, 123 S. West Temple. $10 at the door. 322-4796.

7MONDAY Although not enough people ever experience the simple pleasure of a live reading anymore, it remains one of the most thrilling and satisfying experiences available to lovers of literature. And aren’t we

in luck? STEPHEN TUTTLE, fiction writer and winner of the Schowcrowft Prize, and MICHAEL WHITE, poet and winner of the Levis Prize, will read tonight at the Art Barn. If you’ve never been to a reading, try it out. It’s like directing a film in your head as you listen to nice, mellifluous voices - and there’s usually cheese!

7pm, Art Barn, 54 Finch Lane (1325 East 100 South). Admission free. Information at 536-5000

8TUESDAY You drink too much coffee. That’s ok, I do too. Almost everyone does. This is not a judgment against coffee or coffee drinkers, mind you. I mean, coffee has its place, definitely. Sorry, I’m a little jittery.

A little anxious. See me shaking? Man, you know what we need? Tea. Let’s head over to the TEA GROTTO’S TEA TASTING. Rebecca and her friendly, well-trained staff will give us a variety of different teas to sample and we’ll learn about how they’re grown, the proper way to prepare them, and the like. Doesn’t that sound ... relaxing?

7pm, Tea Grotto, 2030 S 900 East. Admission is free, Information at 466-8255.

9WEDNESDAY For an un-P.C. evening, where it is said “all Polish jokes are true,” head over to Salt Lake Acting Company’s POLISH JOKE

by David Ives. An oddly heartwarming and funny look at ethnic identity in America.

7:30pm weekdays, 8pm Fri-Sat, 2 and 7pm Sun. Feb 1-27. Salt Lake Acting Company, 168 W. 500 North. Tickets $18-33.50 at 363-SLAC or 355-ARTS.

10THURSDAY Are you lonely, tired, and can’t take any more pain? Story of my life. Let’s go hear SOCIAL DISTORTION, mostly because they’ll make us feel better, but also because they rock. And because musicians are hot.

7:00pm In the Venue 219 South 600 West.

Tickets $25.00 at 359-3219 or smithstix.com.

Tonight is a special book club night at Pygmalian Productions Theatre Company’s run of CAKEWALK, about legendary

playwright Lillian Hellman and her love life with the wright of this play, Peter Feibleman. After the play, share coffee & desert with the actors, the director and Aden Ross, who will facilitate stimulating discussion.

7:30 pm Thursdays, 8 pm Fridays and Saturdays, 2pm and 7 pm Sundays, February 4-26, Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center, 138 W. Broadway. General admission $18, students $12, 355-ARTS. pygmalionproductions.org

11FRIDAY

This Valentine’s weekend, I have no love but my love of classical music. Which is all well and good to a point, but ... has some shortcomings, as you can imagine.

Those of us who are alone and bitter can be distracted from the hopeless abyss that is our everyday lives, and those of you with boy or girlfriends can get yourselves nicely in the mood, by attending the UTAH SYMPHONY VALENTINE’S CONCERT. The program features works by romantic and modern French masters, from Ravel to Chausson.

Ah, l’amour. Ah, the box of chocolates we buy for ourselves and eat in the space of a half hour. Ah, Valentine’s Day. 8pm through Feb 12, Abravanel Hall. Tickets $12-47, 355-2787 or www.utahsymphonyopera.org

12SATURDAY

As if romantic canoodling in a gilt hall hung with crystal chandeliers weren’t bad enough for us singletons to endure, BALLET WEST has to get into the act by offering what is one of the most romantic stories ever told—CINDERELLA. I’m sure all the company’s customarily exemplary production values will be on display, as well as the usual extraordinary technical skill and artistry of their dancers, not to mention a passionate reading of Prokofiev’s magnificent score.

7:30PM, through Saturday again Feb. 1619, 2PM on Saturday 19, Capitol Theatre. 50 W 200 South. Tickets $10-65 at 355-2787 or arttix.org

What’s a fish restaurant manager to do when the swinging sixties seem to be passing him by? In Neil Simon’s LAST OF THE RED HOT LOVERS, Barney takes matters in hand by deciding to have one night of passion with a woman who is not his wife.

Join STAGERIGHT THEATER COMPANY as they present this hilarious classic and staple of local theater troupes everywhere.

7:30pm Fridays and Saturdays through March 12, StageRight’s theater, 5001 South Highland Drive. $10 for adults, $7 for students and seniors, 272-3445. www. stageright.org

13SUNDAY One of these days, soccer is going to take its place in the United States as one of the best sports around, and one of the things that will draw in fans is the incredible hotness of soccer players. Well, you don’t have to wait for the summer to see members of GAY AND LESBIAN SOCCER work up a sweat.

As long as Mother Nature is cooperating (no snow or rain), every Sunday is ULTIMATE FRISBEE. Rumor has it that despite the cold, several studs seem to be losing their clothing after working up a sweat.

2pm, Liberty Park, 1100 S. 600 East. Free to the public. jesper2@hotmail.com

Utah’s fun and fabulous gay and lesbian wine group, qVinum, is hosting a WINE AND CHOCOLATE TASTING in celebration of Valentine’s Day. Several wines will be paired with all kinds of chocolate desserts. Talk about decadence!

8pm, RSVP required at qVinum.com.

16WEDNESDAY Sure, during the Enlightenment the average French person lived on 8% of their income and paid the rest in taxes, killed rats in the streets for sustenance, and was illiterate. Their more, er, enlightened betters, though, were doing some pretty extraordinary thinking though (see Voltaire).

Sam Weller’s, for seventy-five years now a conservator of knowledge in Salt Lake, has revived one of their greatest traditions: THE SALON. Come to enjoy stimulating and edifying conversation on an infinite variety of topics, and you’ll soon find yourself creating syllogisms such as this: I am to an oppressed eighteenth century Frenchman as President Bush is to Louis XVI. 7pm, Sam Weller’s Bookstore, 254 South Main. Admission is free. Information at 328-2586

UPCOMING FEBRUARY 17-19, 24-26—Performing Dance Company at the Marriott Center for Dance at the UofU. 581-7100.

SUNDAY, FEB 20—The L Word Season Two Premier Event at MoDiggity’s

EarPiece Notes From Sundance

by Eric J. Tierney eric@slmetro.com

with a kid-gloved fist” and is not above stopping in the middle of a song to break up a fight in the front row. Ana’s mission seems to be to spread the band’s gospel of beauty, sex, innocent debauchery, and good old-fashioned good times, and her impassioned preaching from the stage made a believer out of me. Not to mention that she looks fabulous and sings like an angel with a demon in its pants.

The after-party was a blast, and I got to mingle with some beautiful people. I talked for a while with John Cameron Mitchell, and noted that while everyone loved Hedwig and is endlessly giving him well-deserved accolades for it, I saw him as Dickon in The Secret Garden years and years ago, and his work then was just as good, if not as extreme. He also mentioned that funding has come through for his infamous new movie “The Sex Film Project,” so production will finally begin soon.

There were movies this year at Sundance, as well. My good friend Chet and I walked past Marquee on Sunday morning just minutes before David LaChapelle was arrested, but two days later I saw his brilliant documentary Rize and came out

FEBRUARY 3, 2005 ■ SALT LAKE METRO ■ 19

I’m writing this week from the Queer Lounge at the Sundance Film Festival. It’s been an amazing week here in Park City—the weather has been gorgeous, as have the men. The Metro’s very own Laurie Mecham has been working ‘round the clock to keep the film industry’s queer and queer friendly ranks entertained and informed, and she’s done a spectacular job. Guests at Lounge parties included those crazy rascals the Hilton sisters, not to mention Alan Cumming and, making the kind of unexpected cameo you might see in a Robert Altman film, Mr. Tom Arnold. I don’t know how much fun Tom could have had, since he hosts that silly sports show on ESPN and Lord knows a queer party isn’t the place to go to discuss the Lakers. The Lakers are basketball, right?

For me, the highlight of the Festival was attending the Scissor Sisters show on Tuesday at Club Suede.

I’ve been a fan of the Sisters for a while now, but have missed my chances to see them live. The experience was definitely worth the wait—the band’s sound is a sort of amalgam of Elton John, Bowie, and any number of disco Scissor Sisters playing at Suede at a benefit for the Queer Lounge acts from the heyday of disco. The feeling that this man could not possibly music is incredible on disc, the kind of stuff be guilty of any crime; he should be given you catch yourself dancing to without even free reign to do as he pleases, as long he realizing you’re moving. But live, I thought makes more movies as good as this one. they might blow the roof off the place. Lead The film chronicles the rise of a dance style singer Jake Shears is, to steal a line from popular in L.A.’s poorer neighborhoods John Berendt, a walking blue streak of sex. called Krumping—a cathartic, frenetic His multiple costume changes—he wore dance form so intense and virtuosic that everything from fur to sequins—served to a disclaimer at the beginning ensures that highlight his splendid torso, piercing blue the footage has not been sped up in any eyes, and floppy sandy blond hair. And the way. Here is a rare story of triumph and boy can sing; he loves his falsetto, which is success from an area of the country where clear, pure, and effortless, but the goosewe’re taught to believe that only murder, bumps really come when he opens the drug use, and violence ever take place. It’s voice up, as he did in the ballad “Mary” and beautifully shot and the dancers’ stories are the please-God-don’t-let-this-feeling-everrich and compelling. stop groove of “Filthy/Gorgeous.” He’s also I’d love to chat more, but I saw Maggie a really sweet guy; being a journalist (as I’ve Gyllenhal on the street the other day, and mentioned before) has certain small but I heard a rumor that Jake’s in town as well. rather satisfying privileges, such as getting I’m gonna head to the Town Lift to see if into VIP rooms. Jake and I chatted for a I can catch him. This is what I love about few minutes, and I’m thrilled to say that Sundance—the chance to see the finest beneath the glam-rock exterior is a shy, in American cinema right here in our own humble boy with a filthy, filthy mind. backyard, and the chance, for a week and Jake is a force to contend with, definitely, a half out of the year, to be a guiltless and but Ana Matronic is not to be outdone. The unabashed starfucker. band’s other singer, Ana “rules the stage

Gay Love Songs

20

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SALT LAKE METRO ■ FEBRUARY 3, 2005

by Gregg Shapiro Valentine’s Day has a funny way of sneaking up on us, so with the lovers’ holiday mere weeks away; I thought I might make some romantic musical suggestions.

The music that follows is appropriate for drinks, dinner and whatever follows.

The gay community’s very own cupid, Rufus Wainwright, is the first voice we hear on the various artists compilation Sweetheart: Love Songs (Hear Music). As you might expect, Wainwright’s reading of “My Funny Valentine” is perfection, allowing him to renew a timeworn tune with his own unique blend of personal style and savvy. The remaining fourteen selections are a brilliant assortment of vintage and contemporary standards performed by some of the biggest names in cutting edge music. M. Ward, for instance, opens the door to twang on his rendition of Pete Townshend’s “Let My Love Open The Door.” Neko Case gently pours it on for her version of Bob Dylan’s “Buckets of Rain.”

Martina Topley-Bird maintains a retro feel for “I Only Have Eyes For You,” while Joseph Arthur does Morrissey and the Smiths proud with his cover of “There Is A Light That Never Goes Out.” Wainwright is noticeably absent from two specifically queer-themed compilations, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t have their own powers to woo the listener.

A vast improvement over 2002’s Human Rights Campaign benefit disc Being Out Rocks (which, by the way, didn’t), the double disc set various artists anthology Love Rocks (Centaur), from which the HRC also benefits, is a loving blend of queer artists and allies from the straight community. The music (and the deeply moving quotes from some of the performers in the booklet) speaks to loving whomever we choose and being our beautiful (thank you, Christina Aguilera) queer selves in the face of adversity. In fact, the many independent queer voices on this compilation, including Jen Foster, The Bootlickers, L.P., Kinnie Starr, Eric Himan, Garrin Benfield

and Ari Gold, as well as high profile out artists such as sax player Dave Koz, and an uncredited k.d. lang (who sings a stunning duet with Carole King on “An Uncommon Love”), allow this collection to be the kind you can return to time and again.

Both the aforementioned Ari Gold and The Bootlickers can also be heard on the two-disc multi-artist compilation Marry Me (Figjam), which is separated into Ceremony and Reception CDs. While this set doesn’t rely as heavily on blockbuster names from the straight community, it does have Marcella Detroit (of Shakespeare’s Sister fame) and Bree (“David Duchovny”) Sharp, as well as an abundance of queer performers including Mark Weigle, Yolanda, Daniel Cartier, and RuPaul, to mention a few. The ACLU Foundation’s Lesbian & Gay Rights and AIDS Projects benefit from sales of this disc.

“Nature Boy” is one of those songs that verges on being over-performed. However, when a gay chorus performs it, the song suddenly takes on new meaning and a renewed energy. The Chicago Gay Men’s Chorus opens its romantic new CD I Will Be Loved Tonight (cgmc.org) with “Nature Boy,” and then follows it with a warm rendition of the CD’s title track, a song from the musical “I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change.” Other inspired and inspiring numbers include “Love Can’t Happen,” the multi-layered “I Got Love,” and the aforementioned Carole King’s “Hold Out For Love,” which is the album’s high point.

The chorus also reflects on the down side of love with its renditions of “Words He Doesn’t Say,” “I Don’t Remember Christmas,” and “I Don’t Know Who I Belong To.” The CD is available through the Chicago Gay Men’s Chorus website: www.cgmc.org.

Openly gay jazz artist Fred Hersch has created a musical valentine to Walt Whitman with Leaves of Grass (Palmetto), in which some of the legendary poet’s work undergoes a musical transformation. Hersch composed all the music to which he set Whitman’s poems such as “After The Dazzle Of The Day,” “The Mystic Trumpeter,” “The Sleepers,” “Whoever You Are Holding Me Now In Hand,” “A Riddle Song,” and, of course, “Song of Myself,” to mention a few. Pianist Hersch is joined by vocalists Kurt Elling and Kate McGarry, who both sing and speak Whitman’s words, and is backed up by an ensemble that includes Mike Christianson, Bruce Williamson, John Hollenbeck, Erik Friedlander, and longtime collaborators Drew Gress, Ralph Alessi, Tony Malaby, for this rewarding poetic undertaking.

If words would only get in the way of what you have planned for your loved one on Valentine’s Day, I would like to recommend Legs To Make Us Longer (Red Ink/ Epic) by Kaki King. Easily one of the most exciting young female guitarists around (the other is Kate Schutt), King’s second album is so thrilling that it has the potential to leave the listener breathless. From the riveting “Playing With Pink Noise” to the rhythmic and thumping “Ingots” to the seductive shuffle of “Doing The Wrong Thing” King has created a subtly sexual soundtrack.

Subscription Form

Queeriscaping brandie@slmetro.com

Here it is again darlings: Valentine’s Day. That sneaky little holiday that will pass without incident if done well, but can result in sulkiness and hurt feelings if done poorly.

I hope that by now you have come to realize that I am here as an ally, an advisor—the little queer fairy as it were. I have taken it upon myself to provide you with all the plant information you could possibly need to enamor your long-term lover, scintillate your crush or woo your new partner.

Have you been together a long time?

Have you run out of ideas? Here’s something that will not only last a good long while, but can also spark a little romance: a custom herb garden for the bath. Head to the nearest local nursery and pick up or put together a mixed planter that contains rosemary, thyme, scented geranium and oregano. If you can’t find all the herbs as growing plants, you can also make a basket with dried herbs and oils.

Consider also adding a few dried cinnamon sticks as they provide a nice tingle.

Present the basket to your love on the big

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A HILARIOUSLY un-PC COMIC ADVENTURE

der n U and $18 0 3 Age Tickets

DAVID IVES

by Brandie Balken

day, then proceed to run a bath scented with freshly clipped herbs from his or her very own bath garden. Don’t forget the champagne!

Perhaps you are in lust. You don’t know much about that special someone, but what you do know about him or her ignites your blood. How about something suggestive? If it’s a woman you’re after, take a look at the Paphiopedalum Orchids; I swear I blush every time I look directly at a bloom. It is a dark and delicious floral representation of where you’d like to be. If your crush happens to be a man, an Anthurium is more your style. In the plant business we call it “penis on a platter.” They’re available in hot red, pale pink, deep maroon and fuchsia, so take your pick. These plants will definitely get the point across.

Or you could be one of those lucky people who has a newfound love that you want to impress. I have a unique combination idea for you: the “Sherry baby” Oncidium is a fabulous orchid with profuse burgundy and cream flowers that smell like warm chocolate. How clever are you to give a gift that combines the luxury of flowers and chocolate without the hated extra calories or the sadness of watching your present wilt and rot? You’re perfectly wonderful, and the chance to showcase just how adoring, sexy and delightful you are is right around the corner.

Now get out there and make some love!

POLISH

J OKE

Warned by his Uncle Roman that... ”all Polish jokes are true...” young Polish-American Jasiu begins a wild and comic odyssey to escape his fateful heritage. POLISH JOKE is an oddly heartwarming and distinctly funny look at the perils and joys of ethnic identity in America.

FEBRUARY 1-27 For Tickets call 363-SLAC or 355-ARTS THE SALT LAKE ACTING COMPANY 168 WEST 500 NORTH www.saltlakeactingcompany.org

FEBRUARY 3, 2005 ■ SALT LAKE METRO ■ 21

BY

Oh, for the love of...

Martine

by Vanessa Chang vanessa@slmetro.com

22

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SALT LAKE METRO ■ FEBRUARY 3, 2005

Address: 22 E. 100 South, Salt Lake City Phone: 363-9328 Hours: Mon-Fri 11:30am–2:00pm; 5:00pm–10pm Sat 5:00pm-11:00pm Reservations recommended All major credit cards accepted Not handicap accessible

The most powerful translation of love and seduction is food. For as long as we’ve been keenly aware of our need to express and feel love, we’ve relied on all things edible.

So to everyone out there in a relationship or hoping to be in one with a certain someone, make a reservation (it’s one of the busiest nights for restaurants) and eat.

My undisputed choice for romantic noshing—Martine.

Martine’s inherent subtlety fuels its allure—unpretentious urbane sophistication that’s heavy on romance. The highceilinged dining area warmly glows from antique brass light fixtures and a few scattered candles. Dark wood tables, chairs, and the high-backed booths make it easy to get lost in conversation, play with the lonely flower next to the solitary candle, and flirt the evening away. You know you’re sitting in a restaurant in Salt Lake City, but really it could be San Francisco, New York, anywhere; it doesn’t matter. The mood lulls you, easing you away from hectic-workdaymode. And after that second sip of wine, you can’t help but feel sexy.

Chef Tom Grant’s cuisine is utterly sensual. Items like the tender lobster ragout atop risotto cakes are eloquently delicious and quietly cutting-edge in this convenience-food world. It challenges and coaxes with seductive items and intriguing flavor combinations. The menu resembles poetry, adding saffron, lavender, cardamom, and coulis (coo-lee) to a diner’s vocabulary. Don’t ever expect to find something savored in February on a summer menu. Here, the seasons reign supreme.

Renowned for tapas (small plates), diners have the option of ordering several to

share and even eat with their fingers (Note: feeding one another, though dangerously hokey most of the year, is appropriate on this Hallmark occasion). The plate of wild boar ribs ($8.25) jutting sky high, though intimidating, are irresistible with balsamic glaze and meltingly tender meat redolent of the forest. Roasted quail ($8.95) paired with creamy polenta and salty bites of savory sausage had me licking the little bones and my fingers.

Superb entrees can be combined with a choice of tapas for $32. Impressive, especially when you consider how ample the portions are. My companion and I couldn’t even finish our spread, despite our unabashed gluttony. Espresso-crusted fowl with vanilla sauce sounds eccentric for a dinner menu, but the smoky mocha echoes beautifully in the meat and the vanilla is a refreshing substitution to the ubiquitous cherry. Martine’s kitchen team manages to somehow never overcook a single calamari or filet of fish. There’s no heavy-handedness with the humble cod dotted with chive oil and served atop seasonal broccoli rabe, potatoes, and oven-roasted tomatoes.

Dessert (all $7) should never be an afterthought, especially at Martine. The sweet heat of moist grilled gingerbread balances out a luscious caramel sauce. The raisinstudded Moroccan bread pudding features cardamom that aromatically cuts through the stodginess of such a homey dessert.

And though I am not a fan of raisins, in this incarnation they were jewels. Chocolate, perhaps the world’s best aphrodisiac, features in the Decadence cake spiked with bright raspberry coulis and vanilla gelato. The rotating flavors of panna cotta are some of the best in the city with each “cooked cream” not overwrought with gelatin. Freckled with tiny and aromatic vanilla bean, it sturdily holds up its shape but yields right onto the tongue in a silken dairy splendor. The closing of the eyes and “oohs” and “ahhs” are required.

Many flavors, yes. But quietly, subtly, it works. So, manifest your love over a splendid meal. Make a memory. And realize (perhaps for the first time) that food is love.

Red,White Bubbly Trois Vin Vignettes

by Beau Jarvis beau@slmetro.com

Valentine’s Day isn’t about wine; it’s about love. Of course, you might wish to add wine and enhance cupid’s holiday. In honor of this legendarily romantic day, I present “Trois Vin Vignettes,” or “Three Wine Scenes.” Enjoy.

RED IS THE COLOR

Starring: Argyle Pinot Noir Reserve, ’02 ($28)—Willamette Valley, Oregon The scene: A quiet evening at home, Nina Simone’s “Black is the Color” plays softly in the background Mike: I’m home.

Sam: (bounding down the stairs) Happy Valentine’s Day lover!

Mike: Thanks, babe. Too bad my hair isn’t black like Nina’s lover; otherwise you could serenade me.

Sam: I adore your red hair. (sings) Red is the color of my true love’s hair.

Mike: Keep singing. I’ll have a sip of your wine. (sniffs wine) Wow, this smells like black cherries. Mmm. It hits the spot.

Sam: Are you sure it doesn’t smell like red cherries?

Mike: (playfully) I do declare Monsieur; it appears as if you’re flirting with me.

Sam: (singing) Red is the color… (whispers) And would that be so wrong?

Sam takes Mike’s hand Sam: Follow me The two glide up the staircase.

Fade to black. Or perhaps red.

NIGHTS IN WHITE SATIN

POP. POP. POP. Starring: Bouvet Rosé Brut Vin Mousseaux (bubbly), NV ($15)—Loire Valley, France The scene: A ski lodge tucked away in the woods, the sun is setting after a long day of skiing Erin: Oh, lord! Why did we take that last run? My legs are completely shot.

Steph: We didn’t wipe out. You should be proud.

Erin: Yes—proud and pooped. I don’t think I’ll be able to keep my eyes open past 8:30.

Steph: You just need to relax. I drew a bath for you. Why don’t you hop in the tub and soak.

Erin: (enters the bathroom) When did you draw a bath? And what about the bubbles? Where did they come from?

Steph: (playfully) You always take an hour getting your ski boots off. I did it while you were wrestling with your left boot.

Come on, get in.

Erin: (in the tub and covered in bubbles) I always like putting my ear next to the bubbles so I can hear them pop. Steph?

Steph, where did you go?

Steph: I’m just building a fire. Be with you in a second.

Erin: Where did you get all this energy? I don’t think I could even walk right now.

Steph: (turns off lights, followed by a loud popping sound) Want a sip?

Erin: (takes glass) You are amazing. I love you. (sips wine) Ahhh...and I love this bubbly.

Steph: Scooch forward, I’m getting in. (glasses clink) Erin: Happy Valentine’s day Steph.

Steph: (leans close to Erin’s ear and whispers) Cheers.

Fade to crackling fire Perhaps the red, the white, and the bubbly weren’t the stars of these vignettes. However, they were most definitely supporting actors. Add some “vin” to your Valentine’s Day Vignette. Cheers.

Beau Jarvis is a sommelier and wine educator.

He operates basicjuice.com, a wine review and info website. He also runs basicjuice.blogs.com

May 22–23 Join us for the in Rhubarb Festivalant Mount Pleas DETAILS:

FEBRUARY 3, 2005 ■ SALT LAKE METRO ■ 23

Starring: Trimbach Pinot Gris, ’01 ($11)— Alsace, France The scene: A classy, dimly-lit restaurant on Valentine’s Day Deb: (sips last bit of wine in glass) This wine was wonderful. What do you call it again?

Anna: It’s Pinot Gris, which is what the French call Pinot Grigio. Incidentally, the Pinot Gris grape is genetically identical to Pinot Noir. And… (Deb interrupts) Deb: Sweetie, I love the fact that you’re mind is a virtual encyclopedia. I really do. But let’s save that energy for dancing.

What do you think?

Anna: I’m not in the mood for dancing.

Let’s go home.

Deb: (lightly nagging) But it’s Valentine’s Day, you don’t have to work tomorrow,

and flannel sheets aren’t my idea of romance. Come on, let’s go dancing—it will be fun.

Anna: (unfolds something and places it on the table) I would rather expend my energy on this.

Deb: What’s this? (picks up white satin pillowcase) Why are you carrying a pillowcase?

Anna: (devilishly) No more flannel sheets.

Deb: Check please!

Fade to white satin.

Di ing Guide Dining de SALT LAKE CITY, UT

Orbit Cafe

Spice

Café Med

540 W. 200 S. / 322-3808

orbitslc.com

123 S. West Temple / 322-4796 HOURS: M-TH 11:30am-9:30pm F 11:00am-3:30am SA 8:00AM-3:30AM CUISINE: HEALTHY EATING PRICE: $ CARDS: TC AE D MC V

420 E. 3300 S. / 493-0100 HOURS: SU-TH 11AM-9PM F-SA 11AM-10PM CUISINE: MEDITERRANEAN PRICE: $ CARDS: TC AE D MC V

HOURS: CUISINE: PRICE: CARDS:

SU-TH 11AM-10PM F-SA 11AM-3AM AMERICAN ECLECTIC $ TC AE D MC V

Open late nights on Fridays Salt Lake’s best late night Persian, Greek, Italian, Turkish and Saturdays with DJs and a dining. Mondays open mike at and Vegetarian in a warm, special menu.

8pm. Wireless internet. relaxing atmosphere.

Fiddler’s Elbow 1063 E. 2100 S. / 463-9393

fiddlerselbowslc.com

Panini

Xiao Li

299 S. MAIN ST. / 535-4300

307 W. 200 SOUTH / 328-8688 HOURS: LUNCH: 1130AM-2:30PM DINNER: 4:30-10PM F-SA 4:30-11PM CUISINE: CHINESE PRICE: $ CARDS: TC AE D MC V

panini.us HOURS:

M-F 11:30AM-3PM M-TH 5-9PM F-SA 5-10PM ITALIAN, SEAFOOD SUGGESTED $$$ TC AE D MC V

M-TH 11AM-11PM F-SA 11AM-12AM SU 9AM-10PM CUISINE: AMERICAN PRICE: $ CARDS: TC AE D MC V

CUISINE: RESERV.: PRICE: CARDS:

32 beers to choose from, including Utah’s best selection of microbrews.

Robust Italian fare in an elegant atmosphere with a tasteful, contemporary vibe.

Nick-N-Willy’s Pizza

Salt Lake Pizza & Pasta

HOURS:

4538 S, HIGHLAND DR./ 273-8282

nicknwillyspizza.com

SU-TH 11AM-10PM F-SA 11AM-12PM CUISINE: PIZZA PRICE: $ CARDS: AE D MC V HOURS:

1063 E. 2100 S. / 484-1804

saltlakepizzaandpasta.com M-SA 11AM-11PM SU 11AM-10PM CUISINE: ITALIAN PRICE: $ CARDS: TC AE D MC V HOURS:

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Dine in or take-out. Call Voted as Utah’s Best Pizza ahead and we’ll have it ready. two years in a row! Great Albertsons Shopping Ctr. beer selection. Sugarhouse.

The restaurant that serves the most authentic Szechwan and Mandarin cuisine.

WEST VALLEY CITY Gringo’s West Valley 2785 W 3500 S / 969-8811 HOURS: M-SA 10:30AM-9PM SU 10:30AM-8PM CUISINE: MEXICAN PRICE: ¢ CARDS: MC V

Good Mexican food...fast.

Fresh salsa bar, food made to order. See our coupon!

Restaurant Owners: Gay men and lesbians eat at restaurants three times as often as anyone else.

Advertise in the Salt Lake Metro Dining Guide. Call 323-9500 today!

Bar Guide Club 161*

Club Try-Angles*

MoDiggity’s*

Todd’s Bar & Grill*

161 S. Pueblo St (1440 W.) 363-8161 / club161.com HOURS: M&W 7pm-2am TH–SU 2pm-2am CLOSED TUES GAY: Every Day AGE: 21+ / COVER: No Levi, Leather, Fetish. Monday Fetish Night, Thurs Underwear Night, Friday Leather and Bear Night

251 W. 900 South 364-3203 clubtry-angles.com HOURS: 2pm-2am daily GAY: Every day AGE: 21+ / COVER: No FR-SA DJ Boy Toy. MO “MorMondays.” TU, FR, SA–$1 drafts. SU afternoons–Buffet.

3424 S. State St. 832-9000 / modiggitys.com HOURS: M–TH 4pm-12am F–SA 4pm-2am SU 11am-2am GAY: Every day / AGE: 21+ COVER: $4/members free A sports and music club for women. Football and mimosa brunch Sundays. Live shows.

1051 S. 300 West HOURS: 10am-2am daily GAY: Wednesdays / AGE: 21+ COVER: $3/Members free $1 drafts, $4 pitchers.

Cyber Slut bingo 8-10pm.

Heads Up*

Paper Moon*

Club Panini*

163 W. Pierpont Ave. (250 S) 359-2161 / headsupslc.com HOURS: 4pm-2am daily GAY: Every day AGE: 21+ COVER: $2 / Members free Salt Lake’s newest club. MO & TH Karaoke. TU 50¢ drafts.

FR, SA High NRG.

3737 S. State / 713-0678 HOURS: M–F 3pm-1am SA 7pm-1am SU Noon-1am GAY: Every day / AGE: 21+ COVER: varies SL’s premier women’s club. TU Karaoke, WE 80¢ drafts, shots.

FR & SA hip hop/dance

299 S. Main Street 535-4300 / panini.us HOURS: M–TH 11am-10pm F–SA 11am-12am GAY: Mondays AGE: 21+ / COVER: No Metro Mondays. Speed dating first Mondays of the month. $2 drafts.

Trapp/Trapp Door* 102 S. 600 West 531-8727 / thetrapp.com HOURS: 10am-2am daily GAY: Every day / AGE: 21+ COVER: $3/Members free Really gay every day. SU Buffet and NFL, MO & WE Karaoke. Latin Sundays

Bar Owners: Get listed in this Bar Guide, call 323-9500.

FEBRUARY 3, 2005 ■ SALT LAKE METRO ■ 25

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SALT LAKE METRO ■ FEBRUARY 3, 2005

Service Guide

Comics

ATTORNEYS

ADAM AND ANDY by James Asal

ESTATE PLANNING

MASSAGE

BEST THERAPISTS, best MARLIN G. CRIDDLE, P.C. price, best place, best hours, JANE MARQUARDT & DOUG Serving Utah’s gay, lesbian, call for appointment 486-5500 bisexual and transgendered FADEL Attorneys at Law, pro- Pride Massage 1800 South West Temple Suite A224 communities. Estate Planning, viding comprehensive estate WWW.DENNISMASSAGE.COM Probate, Criminal Law, Bank- planning services, custom ruptcy, Corporations/Business. designed to your unique family A Man’s Man. 598-8344.

“For Men” Model/Massage.

474-2299. marlincriddle.com situation, including trusts, wills, LMT#98212332470 STIMULATE YOUR SENSES, partnership agreements, esor feel deep peace with a retate administration. 294-7777 laxing full body massage. Call Therron for an appointment APPLE ONE Employment 801-879-3583 for $5 off menServices is seeking qualified tion this ad. LMT #5608006 CUSTOM DESIGN JEWELRY. people in many skills. Apply Relaxed atmosphere. All types and begin your qualificaof stone settings. Commitment JOIN THE ALL NEW tion today. Employers, let GayUtahSingles.com— Exrings, wedding rings, earrings, clusively for Utah’s Gay and us fill your staffing needs.

Lesbian community. Online pendants. Repairs welcome.

Call Steven Whittaker at chat, email, messenger and Charley Hafen Jewelers. Trol801-463-4828 for an apphotos! Join for FREE! http:// pointment. www.GayUtahSingles.com ley Square. 521-7711

EMPLOYMENT SERVICES

JEWELERS

WEBSITES

Classifieds HELP WANTED

ROOMMATES MISC. WANTED STUFF

COME ALIVE in 2005 Create an Exciting Stream of Income Register online for Free Info and Reports http://ambition. successfulpeople.com Call Brian 801-718-3237 MAKE 2005 the year you made a Successful Financial Resolution.

Register online for free info at: http://ambition. successfulpeople.com

CLEAN, PARTICULAR rommmate wanted to share house downtown with two other gay men.

Nice small bedroom, large closet. $270.00/month utilities included. Call Tom at 641-3362.

APPLE ONE Employment Services is seeking qualified call center experienced in sales. Can earn $12+/hr plus commission. Apply today. Employers, let us fill your staffing needs. Call Steven Whittaker at 4634828 for an appointment.

FOR SALE $25 CIRCUIT City Gift Card for only $20! Call Russ now 801-355-3122.

GAY FRIENDLY roommate wanted to share beautiful 3-bedroom arts & crafts style home near SugarHouse Commons/24 Hour Fitness. $350 + 1/3 util. More info at http:// home.comcast.net/~e846/ TROLLEY SQUARE. Male roommate to share 2 bed, 1 bath condo. Furnished. $300 monthly + 250 deposit. Call 519-0147 with questions.

FOR RENT

MIDVALE PRIVATE bedroom w/ private bath, $350/month includes utils. $150 deposit. No drugs!

Moderate drinker OK. Prefer gay male. Call Darrin 801-352-2800.

994 DENVER ST. 1 block to Liberty Park. 1500 sq ft.

3 bdrm 2 full ba, garage, fireplace. $900/month $25 discount available. W/D included, fenced yard, newly remodeled, central heat/AC 674-8091

994 S. DENVER St 3 bdrm, 2 full bath, large closets, fireplace. Garage, fenced yard. Wa/Dryer included.no smoke/pets $900/mo minus $25 ontime discount $500 deposit call Duff 674-8091

USED HOT TUB $1800.

Pool Table $785. Poker tables - Pinballs - Slot Machines.

Call 801-674-8881

A COUPLE OF GUYS by Dave Brousseau

Pride Counseling is restarting a Therapy/ Support Group for men who are HIV infected and seeking support from others in similar situations. Men who have participated in this group report a sense of connection and the permission to safely explore their uniqueness in a safe and affirming environment. We are able to bill most insurance companies, Ryan White and sliding fee scale available. For information please call Jerry Buie LCSW at 801-595-0666

TIRED OF THE BAR LIFE? Pride Counseling is offering a Gay Men’s Therapy/Support Group.

Gay men often find that their options to socialize limited to clubs and bars. This group seeks to bridge the gap of isolation and help gay men safely explore personal issues unique to their circumstances. Gay men regardless of “coming out” status, or life circumstance are welcome to this group. Most insurance companies billed, sliding fee scale.

For information please call Jerry Buie LCSW at 801-595-0666.

BITTER GIRL by Joan Hilty

FEBRUARY 3, 2005 ■ SALT LAKE METRO ■ 27

MAKE TONIGHT & every night Hot and Steamy! Invest in a hot tub from Aqua Vina. Buy at Contractors/ Builders pricing! Trade-ins welcome. 801-364-6171

CLEAN, PARTICULAR rommmate wanted to share house downtown with two other gay men.

Nice small bedroom, large closet. $270.00/month utilities included. Call Tom at 641-3362.

ARE YOU HIV+?

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