QSaltLake Magazine - March 27, 2008

MARCH 27, 2008

ISSUE 99

Two UofU Job Discrimination Claims Is the Sexual Orientation AntiDiscrimination Policy a Farce?

Equality Utah Focuses on Buttars Canvasses West Jordan Neighborhoods for Voters

Pride Center Wins Suazo Social Justice Award Our Readers’ Registry Name Ideas

Samsel: Tipping Advice from a Waiter Getting a Boyzilian, Part 2 The Gay Agenda Qdoku, Comics

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Ruby is All Afluster over Girl Scout Cookies

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4th Annual QSaltLake Editor-in-Chief

Michael Aaron

Assistant Editor

JoSelle Vanderhooft Arts Editor

Tony Hobday COPY Editor

Jennifer Morgan

CONTRIBUTORS

J. W. Arnold | Lynn Beltran Shane Cassidy | Anthony Cuesta Joseph Dewey | Troy Espera Nancy Goldstein | Ruth Hackford-Peer Chrys Hudson | F. Daniel Kent Joe LaMuraglia | Zachary Mikles David Nelson | Ruby Ridge David Samsel | Hugo Salinas Ryan Shattuck | Ross Von Metzke William Simmons | Dylan Vox Duane Wells | Ben Williams Troy Williams | Rex Wockner PHOTOGRAPHERS

Delaney Pederson William Munk Kim Russo SALES MANAGER

Brad Di Iorio

OFFICE MANAGER

Tony Hobday

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World News

By Rex Wockner

Norway Plans to Legalize Same-Sex Marriage Norway’s government announced plans March 14 to open marriage to same-sex couples. The nation has had a registered partnership law that gives gay couples the same rights as marriage since 1993.

The government’s Minister of Children and Equality, Anniken Huitfeldt, said letting gay couples marry “won’t weaken marriage as an institution; rather, it will strengthen it.”

“Marriage won’t be worth less because more can take part in it,” she told Aftenposten.

The law would permit same-sex couples to marry in churches, adopt children and receive state-funded medical assistance in getting pregnant.

The bill is expected to pass Parliament before summer, although two

government ministers — Minister of Local Government Magnhild Meltveit Kleppa and Transport Minister Liv Signe Navarsete — said they oppose the part that would fund assisted fertilization for lesbian couples.

The state Lutheran Church of Norway, which counts 85 percent of the population as members, is conflicted on same-sex marriage and likely will allow parishes to choose whether to perform gay weddings.

Full marriage is open to same-sex couples in Belgium, Canada, the Netherlands, South Africa, Spain and Massachusetts. Numerous nations have civil-union or registered partnership laws that grant same-sex couples some, most or all rights and obligations of marriage.

302 Gay, Lesbian Couples Register in Mexico City Over 300 couples have taken advantage of Mexico City’s civil-union law since it came into force in March 2007.

Unions have been registered in 15 of the city’s 16 boroughs, led by Cuauhtémoc, with 59 unions, and Iztapalapa, with 46.

Some 94 percent of the unions were between people of the same sex.

The law allows gay and straight couples — as well as two friends, roommates or extended family members — to register their relationship and receive spousal rights in areas such as inheritance, pensions, property, co-parenting and medical decisions.

Only one couple has dissolved a civil union, and one union ended when a partner died.

The state of Coahuila, which borders Texas, is the only other locale in Mexico with a civil-union law.

Guadalajara Wants to Relocate Gay Bars

The Mexican city of Guadalajara is threatening to move gay clubs out of the city center in advance of the 2011 Pan American Games that will take place in the city, according to Carlos Oceguera, who owns two such clubs.

A February story in the daily newspaper La Jornada Jalisco made the same claim, with the headline “Guadalajara mayor’s office attack against gay clubs; it doesn’t want them in the Historic Downtown.”

Oceguera said city officials believe the presence of businesses catering to gays gives the city a “bad and promiscuous image” for tourists.

“They claim that our lifestyle is offensive to the clean conscience of the citizens of Guadalajara and that we have to sacrifice our personal economic interests to the good citizens of Guadalajara,” Oceguera said.

“In order for us to have a presentable face to visitors, homosexuals have to go out of the center.”

Oceguera said that while local media have reported on gay business owners’ “discontent” with the apparent plan, “we now need some international help since the local authorities are not paying attention to our protests.”

Among the clubs possibly threatened are Caudillos, Circus, La Prisciliana, Club Ye Ye, Azul, Azul Vip, El Aposento, Mundo Cool, Máskaras and Red Light.

Aussie Officials Told to Detail Homosexual Experiences Some 300 ministerial staffers in need of security clearances in the government of Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd have been told to fill out a 25-page form detailing their sexual partners, extramarital affairs, homosexual experiences, personal finances and drug use.

The questions allegedly are designed to ferret out individuals who might be vulnerable to blackmail.

Government officials also plan to interview friends of the staffers to attempt to confirm the accuracy of the self-reported information.

Special Minister of State John Faulkner told The Sunday Telegraph: “I’m ensuring the government makes the obtaining of these security clearances a high priority, given the nature of the work and the sensi-

tivity and classification of material that is handled. ... The higher level of clearance is more intrusive.”

Ministers’ chiefs of staff and media advisers are among those who have been told they need clearance.

Activist Files Complaint Against Polish President Well-known New York City gay activist Brendan Fay filed a complaint with the Polish consulate general after Polish President Lech Kaczynski displayed a photo and video clip from Fay’s 2003 Canadian wedding during a March 17 nationally televised address in which Kaczynski denounced same-sex marriage.

The Polish broadcast also showed Fay’s and husband Thomas Moulton’s marriage certificate.

In the speech, Kaczynski urged that Poland not adopt the European Union’s Charter of Fundamental Rights because it might force Poland to recognize or legalize same-sex marriages.

“This could clash with the prevailing moral order in Poland and force us to accept an institution which contradicts the convictions of the great majority,” Kaczynski said.

In a letter to Poland’s consul general in New York, Fay protested: “We are frustrated to hear that images from such a joyous day are used to spread intolerance. I request a meeting to discuss the matter of civil rights raised by the Polish political leader’s remarks and the uses/ misuse of our wedding photographs. ...

We would never have agreed to permit our photographs as part of a homophobic campaign.”

Consul General Krzysztof Kasprzyk has agreed to meet and called Kaczynski’s actions a “pitiful incident.”

The Polish gay group Campaign Against Homophobia commented: “The message and the choice of images used in the address is a clear sign of ignorance and overt homophobia. It is an embarrassment that an image of a foreign, happily married couple ... should be used to promote hatred and misconceptions in our country by the head of state. “[I]n light of Lech Kaczynski’s decision to ban the [gay] Equality Parade twice [when he was] mayor of Warsaw, we worry that the president is consciously capitalizing on the fears of a certain part of Polish society towards lesbians and gays.”

ILGA-Europe to Meet in Vienna The European branch of the International Lesbian and Gay Association will stage its annual conference in Vienna this year, Oct. 30 to Nov. 2.

“The theme is ‘Think globally, act locally,’ and reflects the work of ILGAEurope and its members on advocating for international human rights standards and practices and their implementation at the local level,” the group said.

The Council of Europe’s commissioner for human rights, Thomas Hammarberg, will take part in the gathering, and Austrian President Heinz Fischer and Chancellor Alfred Gusenbauer are serving as honorary organizers.

For more information, see ilga-europe. org/conference.

McGreevey Ménage à Trois: Did They or Didn’t They?

A former driver for gay former New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey said March 16 that he, the governor and the governor’s wife, Dina Matos McGreevey, engaged in three-way sex multiple times from 1999 to 2001.

“We called it the Friday Night Special ... a hardcore consensual sex orgy,” Teddy Pedersen, 29, told the New York Post.

“He liked watchFormer N.J. Gov. Jim ing me, and she McGreevey would watch me while she was [performing sex acts] with Jim. In my opinion, me being a part of their sexual relationship enhanced it for both of them.”

Ex-Gov. McGreevey issued a statement saying Pedersen is telling the truth. Mrs. McGreevey issued a statement saying both men are lying.

The McGreeveys are engaged in an acrimonious divorce battle.

“This happened, this happened in the past, and now we need to move on with our lives,” ex-Gov. McGreevey said March 17. “For all of our sakes, particularly our daughter, we need to close this chapter and look toward the future.

This was referenced in an earlier draft of my book, and I had it removed. I still hope Dina and I can resolve our issues privately.”

Mrs. McGreevey countered: “Theodore Pedersen’s claims ... are completely false and were prompted by Jim McGreevey.

This all has to do with the publicity I have received since Gov. [Eliot] Spitzer resigned. Jim has enlisted one of his cronies in trying to distinguish that situation from his own, and to discredit me in the media. He cannot stand it when I am receiving attention in the media rather than him.”

Gov. McGreevey came out on Aug. 12, 2004, in his now infamous “I am a gay American” speech. He then resigned the governorship on Nov. 15, 2004.

Mrs. McGreevey has said she didn’t know her husband was gay prior to August 2004.

Michael Stipe Comes Out Navratilova Regains R.E.M. singer Michael Stipe officially came out March 18 in an interview with Spin magazine.

“It was super complicated for me in the ’80s,” Stipe said. “I was totally open with the band and my family and my friends and certainly the people I was sleeping with. I thought it was pretty obvious. I’d just never felt strongly enough about a particular relationship to say, ‘Yeah, he’s my boyfriend, that is what it is.’”

“Now I recognize that for public figures, to be very open about their sexuality helps some kid somewhere,” he said.

Lesbian Legislator: Straights Deserve Equal Rights

Lesbian tennis ace Martina Navratilova has regained the Czech citizenship she lost when she defected to the United States from communist then-Czechoslovakia in 1975.

Navratilova, 51, said she will retain her U.S. citizenship, as well, even though she said last year that she’s “ashamed of what is happening in America” under President George W. Bush, according to Radio Prague.

“We elected Bush,” she told the Czech daily Lidove Noviny last year.

“That is worse. Nobody chose a communist government in Czechoslovakia.”

In 2006, in a column published in the Ohio newspaper Gay People’s Chronicle, Navratilova also said: “I left my home country ... to live in a country where I would be free to chase my dream without the specter of a faceless and menacing government watching my every move, spying on my family, controlling my travels and confiscating most of what I earned.”

“Ironically, today, in the name of protecting our democracy and freedom, my chosen country’s government is behaving a lot like the totalitarian communist regime I left behind.”

Navratilova, who won 18 Grand Slams and played in 354 tournaments before retiring in late 2006, has plans to launch a tennis academy for young players in the Czech Republic.

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Keeping a promise he made to Senate Republicans, Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho) did not file for reelection by the state’s deadline last Friday. Craig has been embroiled by the scandal surrounding his sex-sting arrest in the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport last June.

Craig had served Idaho in Washington for 26 years, making him the secondlongest serving member for the state. He denied the charges that he solicited sex from an undercover police officer and emphatically stated that he is not gay. Early in the controversy he said that he would resign, but determined to reverse his guilty plea and keep his seat. His efforts to clear his name in court were unsuccessful. Craig said that he had plead guilty in hopes of avoiding a scandal, a

decision he later said he regretted.

As Friday’s 5:00 p.m. deadline passed, Craig’s political career, which started when he was elected to the Idaho Senate in 1974, was brought to a close.

Idaho Lt. Gov. Jim Risch, a Republican, will likely take Craig’s senate seat. Six other Republicans have filed to run for the seat and former Rep. Larry Rocco has filed to run on the Democratic ticket.

Rocco and Risch went head-to-head in 2006 in the race for lieutenant governor.

Craig’s record on gay issues has dismayed the gay community as he supported the Federal Marriage Amendment and voted against the inclusion of “sexual orientation” in hate crime law.

The Human Rights Campaign has given him a zero rating.

GLAAD Awards Barbara Walters

Turns; The New York Times; GQ; AfterElton.com; and singer Rufus Wainwright.

“I’m just a mom who does what a mom does when something really means a lot to them,” Shepard said. “They try to engage their friends and their community and everyone in the same fight. That’s what I did. I appreciate this award so much [but] I’m no different than anyone else here tonight, or out there in the world, trying to make a difference.”

This was the first time in several years that GLAAD considered gay media to be eligible for its awards, following a controversy that flared up last year over exclusion of all gay media outlets.

GLAAD also holds annual award ceremonies in Los Angeles, San Francisco and southeastern Florida.

Barbara Walters won an award from the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation March 17 at the New York edition of the media watchdog group’s annual ceremonies.

Walters was honored for her 20/20 story “My Secret Self: A Story of Transgender Children.”

She said the award meant more to her than “all the Emmys” she has received.

Other winners included Matthew Shepard’s mother, Judy; the TV shows Boston Legal, 60 Minutes and Anderson Cooper 360; the soap opera As the World

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Lesbian California state Sen. Carole Migden says straight people deserve equal rights.

She has introduced a bill to expand the state’s comprehensive domestic partnership law, which currently applies only to gay couples, and to opposite-sex couples who are over age 62.

Opposite-sex senior couples were included in the original law because remarrying can adversely affect their pension and Social Security benefits.

Migden says opening up the partnership law will give straight people of all ages equality of choice and opportunity on whether to live together as single, to be almost married, or to be fully married.

A California domestic partnership bestows all state-level rights and obligations of marriage but the unions are not recognized by the federal government.

Czech Citizenship

Idaho Sen. Larry Craig Retires

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Local News

Utah Pride Center Receives Pete Suazo Social Justice Award

by JoSelle Vanderhooft joselle@qsaltlake.com

The Utah Pride Center was one of three organizations honored with a Pete Suazo Social Justice Award on Friday, March 21.

The University of Utah’s College of Social Work created the award seven years ago. Named after former state Sen. Pete Suazo, who tirelessly advocated for minority rights, the award recognizes people and organizations in Utah Utah Pride Center who work to assist miExecutive Director nority populations.

Valerie Larabee The Utah Pride Center received the Pete Suazo award for program development and organizational advocacy in recognition of its several adult and youth programs and for its efforts to advance gay rights concerns.

Executive director Valerie Larabee said that she and the Center’s staff were “really thrilled” to be selected.

“Sometimes our work is very difficult and on those hard days you remember those who have come before you and that somehow makes it easier to move forward,” she said.

Larabee added that the award hon-

ored the Center’s employees and volunteers who work tirelessly to keep its programs and services running.

“This really was for the work the staff does in supporting people in the community and the center’s role in advocating for the GLBT community — mostly with the media when we get the chance,” she said.

The award’s individual recipients were Attorney Mary Jane Ciccarello for her work in securing legal representation for senior citizens; Salt Lake County Mayor Peter Corroon for creating the Mayor’s Office of Diversity Affairs; and Rep. David Litvak, D-Salt Lake City, for his work to pass hate crimes legislation in the wake of Suazo’s 2001 death. Passing a hate crimes bill inclusive of gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender people had been one of Suazo’s goals for several years. Lyn Lee also won the Pete Suazo Award for Lifetime Community Service for his work in bringing a college campus to San Juan County in 1977 to serve its largely Native American population.

Other organizations awarded were KUED Channel 7 for its minorityfocused programming and the Inclusion Center for Community and Justice for its training and awareness-building efforts.

Gov. Jon Huntsman, Jr. at a typical bill signing ceremony

Gov. Signs Gay-Friendly Bills into Law, Domestic Registry Still on Desk

by JoSelle Vanderhooft

Gov. John Huntsman has signed three bills into law that local gay rights group Equality Utah supported in the 2008 General Legislative Session.

On March 17, the governor inked HB 23, Child and Family Protections. This bill, sponsored by Orem attorney Lori Fowlke, R-Provo, makes child abandonment a felony and also holds guilty those who coerce parents into kicking out their children, such as leaders of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In the past session Fowlke said the bill was aimed solely at the FLDS church and its “Lost Boys” (the name the press has given to

the teen boys who are exiled from the FLDS community). However, Equality Utah has said that the bill was written broadly enough to protect all abandoned children, including those kicked out of their homes for being gay or transgender.

On the same day, the governor also signed HB 15, Control and Prevention of Sexually Transmitted Diseases by Rep. Phil Riesen, D-Salt Lake City, and HB 325, Bullying and Hazing, by Rep. Carol Spackman Moss, D-Salt Lake City.

Riesen’s controversial bill sought to appropriate $350,000 to steep up efforts to education and prevention efforts for chlamydia and gonorrhea, two of Utah’s fastest growing sexually transmitted diseases. Legislators amended it everal times before it passed both houses. The version the governor signed asked for only $175,000 and forbade such material from being distributed in public schools.

Legislators also amended Moss’ bill before it passed, citing concerns that its definition of bullying was too broad and the minimum, uniform anti-bullying policies it asked school districts to write gave the state too much control over individual schools. Before it passed, language was also removed that encouraged parents and students who witness bullying to file a report with school officials. Equality Utah wrote the bill’s first draft.

At press time, the governor had not yet signed SB 299, the last-minute bill aimed at a controversial registry for unmarried, financially dependent partners living in Salt Lake City. Sen. Greg Bell, R-Fruit Heights, presented the bill as a kinder alternative to legislation by embattled Sen. Chris Buttars, R-West Jordan, which sought to destroy the registry. Bell’s bill let it stand intact in all but the name ‘domestic partner registry,’ which he said would go against the state’s constitutional prohibition against marriage-like relationships receiving government recognition.

More information on bills being signed by the governor can be found at utah.gov/governor

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Candidates and incumbents for several local and federal government positions officially threw their hats into the ring March 18. The day after St. Patrick’s Day was the deadline to file a declaration for candidacy in this November’s election and records indicate that several politicians with anti-gay records will be facing challengers for their seats.

Rep. Aaron Tilton, R-Springville, has filed to run again to retain his seat in House District 65. Tilton, who with Sen. Chris Buttars backed a bill opposing high school gay-straight alliances in the 2007 general session, faces two challengers for his seat. They are fellow Republican Francis Gibson and Democrat Jay Petersen.

Former Rep. LaVar Christensen has also filed to contend for Republican incumbent Sylvia Anderson’s District 48 seat. Christensen, also a Republican, held the Sandy seat from 2002–2006.

In 2006, Christensen unsuccessfully challenged Rep. Jim Matheson for his federal congressional seat. He was also the lead sponsor and author of Amendment 3, a controversial constitutional amendment defining marriage in Utah as the union between a man and a woman. State voters overwhelmingly approved the measure in 2004.

Christensen is joined in his bid for the District 48 seat by Leona B. Olds for the Constitution Party and former Rep. Trisha S. Beck, a Democrat who served in the legislature from 1997–2002, as well as Anderson herself.

Embattled Sen. Buttars, R-West Jordan, is also facing a number of challengers for his senate seat, including four fellow Republicans. These are Trevor Darby, Kathy Hilton, Wendy Smith-DeRusha and government policy analyst Gary Armstrong. Constitution Party candidates Randy Browning and Steve Maxfield are also vying for the Senate District 10 seat, as is Democrat John Rendell.

Openly-lesbian politicians Rep. Jackie Biskupski and Rep. Christine Johnson, both Salt Lake City Democrats, have also filed. Openly gay Sen. Scott McCoy, D-Salt Lake City, won re-election in 2006 (after being appointed to finish out former Sen. Paula Julander’s term in 2005) and is not up for re-election this year.

An openly gay Utahn has also filed to run for state school board. Community activist Mark Swonson has announced his candidacy in District 7 along with five other hopefuls.

Swonson said he chose to run in order to provide “leadership and vision” in Utah’s schools.

“Our children need to be given every opportunity to learn from any new educational program out there so they can compete and excel not only in our state, but within today’s world — by becoming productive individuals by following their dreams from the education they receive,” he said.

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Local News

Team Try-Angles Holds MS Bike Group Meeting, Welcomes More Riders Local gay bar Club Try-Angles will be sponsoring a bike team for the Harmons Best Dam Bike Ride 2008 tour, a 150-mile ride benefiting the Utah chapter of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society June 28–29. Those interested in joining the team met March 22 to kick-start their efforts.

In past rides, team leader Adam Frost said he volunteered with friends and family to make sandwiches to be given to riders at lunch stops. This year, however, he said his friends and family weren’t available to help, so he thought he’d ride instead.

“In the past, as far as we know, there’s never been a specific queer team gathering, and that’s what we want to do this year,” he said.

In past years, Frost said he and friends typically raise over $1,000 dollars for the MS Society of Utah (each rider is required to raise $250). This year, the team has set a goal of $5,000.

Started in 1986, the annual bike ride has grown from 100 to 3,000 riders. In 2007 it raised 1.5 million dollars for MS programs, services and research.

Currently, Team Try-Angles has three

members (four are required to ride as a team). Frost said the goal of this weekend’s meeting is to find more riders.

“We’d love for it to be a huge team, that’d be awesome!” he said.

The two-day ride will begin in Logan, UT on Saturday, June 28. While riders have the option of biking as much as 175 miles, 40 and 75 mile routes will be available all weekend and 100 mile routes available on Saturday. The minimum number of miles participants are required to ride is 40.

To help riders who want to participate but need to get in shape first, Team Try-Angles will also offer training rides throughout the spring.

“It’s a lot of work for the weekend, but it’s one of those things where it’s fun work,” said Frost.

The team will also hold a fundraiser for the ride, with all money going to the MS Society.

Interested people are still able to register and riders of all orientations and gender identities are welcome to join the team.

For more information, email teamtryangles@ gmail.com or call 859-3011.

Equality Utah to Canvass Buttars’ District As part of their efforts to register voters in key districts, gay rights group Equality Utah will be canvassing the streets of West Jordan on Saturday, April 5 to register voters for the November election and needs volunteers to help with the effort.

West Jordan is in the senate district of anti-gay senator Chris Buttars.

“We’re hoping to get Equality Utah Field as many people regCoordinator Lauren istered as possible,” Littlefield said Lauren Littlefield, Equality Utah’s Field Coordinator.

The April 5 voter registration drive is one of four the group will hold in the next two months. The others will be April

19, May 3 and May 17 and are planned to take place in Taylorsville, West Valley and Cottonwood Heights. The location for each of the remaining drives will be announced shortly.

Littlefield said Equality Utah had taken an interest in these four districts because of their population. Of the 70,000 people in these districts, only “about 50 percent” are registered to vote.

“More of these people should be participating,” she said. “If the Utah State Capitol is the people’s house, then the people’s voices should be heard.”

To participate in the April 5 drive, show up at the Albertson’s grocery store on 9000 S and Redwood Road (1653 W) at 9:00 a.m. Canvassing should last until noon and will cover four neighborhoods.

Groups Come Together to Hold Women’s ‘Tie One On’ Event

QUAC to Hold Two Events for New Members

Local lesbian-focused civic and social organization sWerve, the Utah Pride Center, Salt Lake Women in Action and the Northern Utah Recreational Opportunities Club will come together to sponsor the lesbian social event Tie One On Saturday, April 19 starting at 7:00 p.m.

The evening of dancing, speed dating and socializing is so named because all women are asked to wear ties.

Tie One On will be held at W Lounge, a private club for members at 358 S West Temple. Cocktails and hors d’oeurvres will be provided.

The cost for the evening is $10 at the door. Proceeds will help fund women’s programming in the local community.

April 6 and 13 the Queer Utah Aquatic Club will hold “Bring a Friend to QUAC Week” to encourage members to bring friends and family who are beginning swimmers to check out their team and programs. Workouts during this week will be designed to accommodate beginning swimmers.

The women of the club will also host a week of events to encourage other women to join the team. Beginning on April 19 with the theme party “Beer, Bratwurst and Broads,” the week will include women’s polo and swimming clinics. Men will be allowed to attend the theme party as long as they are accompanied by a female friend.

For more information, visit quacquac.org.

UofU to Hold Straight Allies Week As the spring semester at the University of Utah draws to a close, the school’s LGBT Resource Center will hold its annual event for straight allies of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender students. Officially known as the awareness campaign, “Act Out: Ally Week at the U� will feature discussions, workshops, socials and film screenings aimed at educating straight students, faculty, school staff and members of the public about the gay and transgender community and how to advocate for gay rights. And this year, LGBT Resource Center Director Cathy Martinez said there will be something for participants to do every day from March 31 to April 4. “Our awareness campaign is usually a watered-down version of U Pride Week, but I think this year we have more things going on than in the past.�

A number of these things will also be new to Allies Week, such as the opening “Be an Ally Social,� to be held Monday, March 31 in the Center for Ethnic Student Affairs (Room 318 in the Student Union Building). This two-hour party will allow straight allies and their gay and transgender friends to socialize and relax. And according to Martinez, it will also be a chance for them to learn about famous queer people of color.

Twenty-five queer people of color will be highlighted and discussed at the social including feminist poet Audre Lord, writer James Baldwin, bisexual comic Margaret Cho, WNBA star and Olympic gold medalist Sheryl Swoopes and transgender rights activist Sylvia Rivera. “The Center for Ethnic Student Affairs is one of our main allies on campus, so we thought it would be great to do something with them,� Martinez said.

The cooperative effort between both organizations will also extend to one of the week’s panel offerings: Minority Voices in Communication. This panel of students from different ethnic groups will be held on Thursday, April 3 in Orson Spencer Hall’s WPRA auditorium.

The panel will discuss how questions of race, ethnicity and sexuality often overlap, intersect and conflict, particularly when it comes to language, including the understanding of the word “queer.�

Another new panel will be “What’s So Scary about Bisexuality?� — a discussion with U psychologist Dr. Lisa Diamond on Tuesday, April 1 in the school’s student

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Schedule Mar 31–Apr 4, 10am-3pm TABLING Come ďŹ nd out what it means to be an ally. We’ll be on the Union Walk will all our information.

MON MARCH 31 4pm-6pm BE AN ALLY SOCIAL What’s the best part about being an ally? Hanging out with other allies! Food and Drink aplenty in the Center for Ethnic Student Affairs (Union room 318.) Everyone is encouraged to attend.

MON MARCH 31 6pm-9pm TORCH SONG TRILOGY - FILM SHOWING This personal and poignant ďŹ lm chronicles a New Yorker’s search for love, respect and tradition in a world that seems not especially made for him. Arnold’s story conďŹ rms that happiness is well worth carrying a torch for. Starring Harvey Fierstein adapted from the smash Broadway play. Union Theatre (2nd oor south end) TUES APRIL 1 11:30am-12:30pm WHAT’S SO SCARY ABOUT BISEXUALITY? What is Bisexuality? Why don’t we ever hear or talk about it? Dr. Lisa Diamond, the U’s preeminent bisexuality researcher, will answer these questions and more in the Union’s West Ballroom (main Floor)

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WED APRIL 2 5:30pm-8:30pm SAFE ZONE TRAINING Safe Zone CertiďŹ cation is a great step in any ally’s journey. During this workshop-style, interactive training you’ll discover how you feel about different LGBTQ issues and learn how to intervene when discrimination occurs all while building your knowledge of the community and culture. Union Parlor B (3rd oor north end). Everyone is encouraged to attend.

THUR APRIL 3 1pm-2pm MINORITY VOICES IN COMMUNICATION This panel of diverse individuals will break the lid off of the intersections of race, ethnicity, and sexuality.

We’ll focus on answering some of these questions: What is Ethnicity and how does it impact notions of Queer? How do we talk about Ethnicity and Queer; What language barriers do we run into? What sacriďŹ ces do we make in our own identities? Moderated by the U’s Dr. William Smith. OSH WPRA auditorium (2nd oor Northeast entrance) FRIDAY APRIL 4 All Day DAY OF SILENCE (OBSERVED) More information Coming soon.

This year’s Day of Silence will be held in memory of Lawrence King, who was murdered in a California school February 12 because of his sexual orientation and gender expression. This national event brings attention to anti-LGBT bullying, harassment and discrimination in schools. Students observe the day in silence to echo the silence LGBT and ally students face every day. Breaking the Silence, 1:00pm, Union Patio.

FRIDAY APRIL 4 7pm-9pm SILENCE IS SUCH A DRAG (Location TBA) Student and community, amateur and seasoned, queen and king performers all shaking it in the face of oppression. Come for food, drink, Rafe prizes, music, dancing, and more. Suggested donation of $5. All proceeds to beneďŹ t the Queer Student Union.

M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8 ď Ž I S S U E 9 9 ď Ž Q S A LT L A K E ď Ž 9

Q Poll

union West Ballroom. Diamond’s groundbreaking research about female bisexuality made headlines in January when the American Psychological Association mentioned that it had influenced their decision to classify female bisexuality as a distinctive sexual orientation. In this hour-long lecture, Diamond will discuss what bisexuality is and why it is not often discussed in the news or in education.

1 0   ď Ž   Q S A LT L A K E   ď Ž   I S S U E 9 9   ď Ž   M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8

Equality Utah Holds Precinct Caucus Class

by JoSelle Vanderhooft joselle@qsaltlake.com

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As it does every election year, local gay rights group Equality Utah offered its popular delegate training session to teach gay-affirming Utahns what they can do to get candidates who share their views elected.

This year, the grass roots group held the two hour session at the Salt Lake County building. Equality Utah’s Executive Director Mike Thompson opened the morning by telling the 40 attendees that the climate on Capitol Hill has become more positive towards the gay community in the past two years, thanks in part to his group’s efforts. He added, however, that anti-gay candidates are still being elected, thanks in part to the efforts of delegates from such groups as the conservative Utah Eagle Forum. “Who we bump up against most in the legislature is conservative legislators who get picked in their party caucuses and elected,� he said.

In order to shift the balance of power in the legislature, Thompson said that more gay-friendly delegates need to get elected in their local caucuses. To illustrate how these delegates can help elect a progressive legislator, Thompson then turned the floor over to Rep. Rebecca Chavez-Houck, D-Salt Lake City, who made local headlines for her efforts this session to pass a bill lifting the 2000 ban on gay couples adopting children.

After Ralph Becker left his seat in the House after winning the Salt Lake City mayoral election, Chavez-Houck said she decided she wanted to take his place. But to do so she had to win the votes of the 85 delegates (some representing areas as small as a few streets) in her legislative district. In cases like this, she explained, the delegates in a district convene, listen to all who are interested in running for the seat, choose one and send their recommendation to the governor. “I had to become a quick study in what the important issues to my constituents were,� Chavez-Houck said. Next, she called each of the delegates to discuss her experience with and views on these issues, which included immigrant rights, reproductive freedom, renewable energy, animal rights and gay rights.

In the end, the delegates chose her to be their representative.

Although being a delegate requires only a few hours work each election year (in attending precinct, country and state conventions), Chavez-Houck told the audience to remember that being a delegate is nevertheless a commitment. “It’s not just being there at the convention,� she said. “You have to be in touch to see what your neighbors need.�

Equality Utah board member and former legislative candidate Jan Lovett and longtime activist Lisa Allcott echoed this sentiment in the portion of the morning dedicated to delegate training. But they stressed that being a delegate is also fun and rewarding.

The women then explained the process of being elected as a delegate. First, they told people to be aware of their party’s rules about who can run for this position. The Republican Party, for example, requires all who run to be registered Republicans while the Democratic Party just asks that potential delegates agree with their state platform. Smaller parties like the Constitution Party and the

Green Party also hold caucuses and have their own rules for eligibility. Further, all potential delegates must be at least 18 years old, a Utah resident for 30 days before the meeting, and must bring a photo ID when they attend their precinct caucus, which is where delegate election happens. Precincts, Alcott explained, are divided up by population, and one’s precinct number can be found on the back of his or her voter registration card. In a pinch, the county party chair can help a potential delegate determine his or her precinct.

When attending the precinct meeting, Lovett said potential delegates should be willing to have conversations about the skills they can bring to the office and not to worry if those skills don’t include prior political experience. “What do you do at work all day, in your home or in any organization you belong to?� Lovett asked.

Allcott and Lovett also told potential delegates not to take anything for granted, including the possibility that they may be the only one to show up to the caucus and thus run unopposed.

Although the delegate positions in some precincts are less contested than in others, Lovett explained that interest in being a delegate rises during presidential election years. “I’d go into your precinct meeting with the mindset that there’s one slot and you’ve got to compete for it,� she said. “Assume it’ll be well-attended,� Allcott added. She also advised potential delegates to stay for the entire convention, because potential candidates may show up late, and to ask their friends, family and neighbors to come to the convention to vote for them. “You’re running a mini-campaign for yourself,� she said. “Walk through the neighborhood, get a precinct map and visit houses in that map.�

For delegates who don’t win, Lovett advised signing up to be an alternate delegate. If a delegate is unable to attend the county primary convention where delegates choose candidates for office, an alternate will be called to fill in.

Next, a panel of three current and former delegates discussed their experiences.

Christy Gleave, now the Chair of the Salt Lake City Mayor’s Office of Diversity, said that she felt intimidate when she showed up to her first precinct caucus. “But then I found no one else really knows what they’re doing either,� she laughed. When she discovered this, Gleave said she just stood up and “kind of took charge� by introducing herself.

Tracie Morrison told potential delegates not to worry about their sexual orientation working against them, but not to make it a point either. “I don’t advertise my outness, but if someone asks I tell them, she said. “I don’t say this is who I am up front because I want to get their vote.� “Me, I don’t have a choice,� Gleave joked. “It’s not about being gay or not, it’s about being who you are,� said Matthew Lyon, a former Republican delegate from Weber County who later switched to the Democratic Party. “I’d assume the LGBT community has other issues they find important, too. I don’t think you have to tell someone you’re straight or gay, just about the totality of what you need.�

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Opinion

From the Editor The Registry that Dare Not Speak Its Name

by Michael Aaron michael@qsaltlake.com

The headline you just read is the hands-down winner from our online quest to rename the Salt Lake City Domestic Partner Registry since that monicker scared the bejeezus out of our dinosaur legislators this session.

The American Heritage Dictionary says that “domestic partner” is: A person, other than a spouse, with whom one cohabits. Scary, indeed.

But it also has a usage note that I found interesting: “Many people would now agree that a couple can consist of persons living together who are not married or who are not of opposite sexes. How to refer to such a couple, though, has posed an interesting challenge. Many new words have been coined and tested over the last 25 years, including spouse-equivalent or spousal equivalent; POSSLQ (person of the opposite sex sharing living quarters), pronounced (p˘os´el-kyoo´) and originally used as a U.S. Census Bureau designation; and companion or lifelong (or longtime) companion. But these have never been in or have fallen out of general use. Thus the linguistic situation seems to reflect the continuing flux of the social situation. Two other terms, significant other and domestic partner, however, have seen widespread use since at least 1985 as all-purpose words for describing a spouse or a lover. Over 75 percent of Usage Panelists feel these terms can be applied to members of either straight or gay couples. Domestic partner has been used by an increasing number of companies and organizations in drafting benefits plans that include all members of such relationships. The term is often shortened to partner, especially in unofficial situations.”

I can now see the Posselkyu Parade applying for permits to march down State Street. More power to them.

Letters Bill Would Open Door to Abuse

But don’t the other potential terms have an even more romantic (read more scary) connotation to them?

What to do, what to do.

Our readers came to the rescue with their suggestions, which we will forward to Mayor Becker’s personal email box: “The Ruzicka Registry. Wouldn’t that just frost her panties? ‘We’ve been Ruzicka’d’ would take on a whole new meaning!”

“Can we call it The D-List? I’m sure Kathy Griffin won’t mind.”

“Let’s call it The Utah Family Cohabitation Registry or the Domicile Cohabitation Registry.”

“How about we just call it MARRIAGE?!”

“Why don’t we just call it the Packing List because Gayle and Chris will probably use it to load the first boxcars to Topaz when Paul Mero declares ‘the final solution.’”

“The RAINBOW ROSTER. Might as well rub it in Mr. Fruit Heights’ ass-face.”

“As long as the intent and substance remain intact, they could call this thing the Elephant Dance Signup for all I care.”

“If you were to call it the Buttars-Bell Catalog nobody in the legislature would be able to understand what it is and it would be left alone.”

Others that I’ve heard: Bosom Buddies Book (though that was in a bar and Bosom later turned to Butt.) The Living Together But We Never Touch Or Have Sex We Promise Registry, or the Gay, Asexual, Yuppies, Lesbians, ENGAGEMENT Registry (GAYLE) (Yeah, a stretch), Better Halves Registry, or another of my favorites, Roommate in a Euphemism kind of way Registry.

I hope Ralph finds these helpful.

I think we now need to go on a rampage about the fact that the Utah Legislature is less about making laws (legislating) and more about moralizing.

Preachify Posse? Or the fact that they are really just the Republican Party on a mission. Let’s change the sign on the doors to “Republican Caucus.” Q

Editor, Equality Utah Inc. staffer Will Carlson admitted that state bill HB0247 “Domestic Violence and Dating Violence Amendments” would “make it easier for victims of violence to file protective orders against their abusers” (QSaltLake, “A Session of Misunderstanding,” March 13), but failed to distinguish that the bill would also have made it easier for a person who chose to abuse its provisions by accusing another person based on exaggerated circumstances -- or none at all -- and without notice or a public hearing.

Existing laws already: 1) prohibit violence or a threat of violence, 2) punish such violence or threat, and 3) offer a “protective order” against such violence or threat between two or more person who are “cohabitants” including domestic partners, and a “restraining order” against such violence or threat between two or more persons including dating partners.

The differences are that: 1) a protective order is offered without notice or a public hearing for up to 20 days (and up to 150 days thereafter) when both persons are cohabitants where their consequent proximity of residence and urgency of threat require immediate separation, and 2) a restraining order is offered with notice and a public hearing whether both persons are cohabitants where their consequent proximity of residence and urgency of threat require immediate separation, or not.

The ONLY thing the bill would have done differently is to offer a protective order without notice or a public hearing for up to 20 days (and up to two years thereafter) when both persons are dating partners, but aren’t cohabitants where their consequent proximity of residence and urgency of threat require immediate separation. So, the ability of a person to have such an order issued against another person deserves the extra protection of a preliminary hearing, but the bill would have provided only ordinary scrutiny.

Carlson wrote that the bill was misunderstood by those who opposed it and was “labeled by opponents as an attack on the right to bear arms,” but worried about “the consequences of keeping guns in the hands of those who are physically abusive.”

In fact, a person who was just once a dating partner of another person, and merely believed that the other person was a threat, could have requested a two-year protective order against the other person during which time the other person would have been legally restricted from certain rights and liberties including, under federal laws which would be immediately triggered by such an order, the U.S. Constitution Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms. A person’s belief of such a threat doesn’t require violence, the use of a weapon or a statement to do so. But, the result is the same and, once triggered, is difficult and expensive to reverse.

Carlson failed also to admit that the bill would have added one more law to the Utah Code which criminalized consensual sodomy more than four years after it was determined to be constitutionally protected by the U.S. Supreme Court justices. Far from being a meaningless mistake, state Rep. David Litvack simply repeated a list of existing criminal laws and created a new one where consensual sodomy would mean “dating violence” and trigger the bill’s provision. Our legislative opponents no longer reference this archaic law, why does one of our friends after three attempts in as many years?

So, the bill would have done what our laws already do, but would also have opened an area of law for abuse where none exists. And, it would have jeopardized needlessly the rights and liberties of many Utah citizens and visitors.

David Nelson Salt Lake City

QSaltLake welcomes letters from our readers. Please limit letters to 300 words or less.

We reserve the right, if a letter is printed, to edit for length, appropriateness and libel.

Email letters@qsaltlake.com

Guest Editorial A Letter to Oklahoma Rep. Sally Kern, from 18-Year-Old Tucker

By Tucker

The following letter was sent our way via a field director for Equality Florida.

Eighteen-year-old Tucker attempted to deliver this letter to Oklahoma Rep. Sally Kern after her hateful words comparing gays to terrorists, but was prevented from doing so by a highway patrol officer. As a result, Tucker’s family members began circulating the letter in its entirety. Please be moved, as we were, by the powerful words of this remarkable young man.

Rep Kern: On April 19, 1995 in Oklahoma City, a terrorist detonated a bomb that killed my mother and 167 others. Nineteen children died that day. Had I not had the chicken pox that day, the body count would likely have included one more. Over 800 other Oklahomans were injured that day and many of those still suffer through their permanent wounds.

That terrorist was neither a homosexual nor was he involved in Islam. He was an extremist Christian forcing his views through a body count. He held his beliefs and made those who didn’t live

Queer Gnosis Mechafreak Genderqueer Apopalypse

by Troy Williams troy@qsaltlake.com

here to share the suffering with Oklahoma City? Might your heart be a bit less cold had you been around to see the small bodies of children being pulled out of rubble and carried away by weeping firemen?

I’ve spent 12 years in Oklahoma public schools and never once have I had anyone try to force a gay agenda on me. I have seen, however, many gay students beat up and there’s never a day in school that has gone by when I haven’t heard the word f****t slung at someone. I’ve been called gay slurs many times and they hurt, and I am not even gay. So I can just imagine how a real gay person feels. You were a school teacher and you have seen those things too. How could you care so little about the suffering of some of your students?

Let me tell you the result of your words in my school. Every openly gay and suspected gay in the school were having to walk together Monday for protection. They looked scared.

They’ve already experienced enough hate and now your words gave other students even more motivation to sneer at them and call them names. Afterall,

you are a teacher and a lawmaker, many young people have taken your words to heart. That happens when you assume a role of responsibility in your community. I seriously think before this week ends that some kids here will be going home bruised and bloody because of what you said.

I wish you could’ve met my mom.

Maybe she could’ve guided you in how a real Christian should be acting and speaking.

I have not had a mother for nearly 13 years now and wonder if there were fewer people like you around, people with more love and tolerance in their hearts instead of strife, if my mom would be here to watch me graduate from high school this spring. Now she won’t be there. So I’ll be packing my things and leaving Oklahoma to go to college elsewhere and one day be a writer and I have no intentions to ever return here. I have no doubt that people like you will incite crazy people to build more bombs and kill more people again.

I don’t want to be here for that. I just can’t go through that again.

You may just see me as a kid, but let me try to teach you something. The old saying is sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you.

Well, your words hurt me. Your words disrespected the memory of my mom.

Your words can cause others to pick up sticks and stones and hurt others.

team of punk techno-pathic anarchists posing as nurse midwives injected every Eagle Forum clitoris with homeopathic nanobots that masturbated them into everlasting orgasmic bliss. Ten years later the HRC yellow equal sign became a master sigil for queer witches to hex every male Republican legislator with a spontaneous vaginoplasty. Talk about clever ways to win the culture war! The Queer Revolutionary must dare to envision the unimaginable. I want entropy with relevance and freak fashion with my Apocalypse. Make it work.

There are no radical queers in Utah.

Not yet anyway. And I don’t count extremist visionaries who sit in their house tweaked on meth. Nihilism as a social movement never went anywhere.

Deconstruction is at best a design aesthetic.

Utah is the land of pioneers. These deserts were colonized by a people who rejected the old social order.

There is radicalism embedded deep in our DNA. Sleeper junk punk cells just waiting to be activated. Let us all gather and sip an ayahuasca sacrament for the souls of all those who partake of it!

In my future world the Mormon Tabernacle Choir can release a Buzzcocks tribute CD and win a fucking Grammy.

In my world I can go on Craigslist and find a complete porcelain Precious Moments fetish gear figurine collection for under $100. In my world, Hayden Christensen has stopped acting and finally realized his true potential as a celebrated gay bareback pornstar. Some

may say that I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.

Ah, but I know what you fundamentalist fascists are thinking. “See! We knew it! Those disgusting faggots are deviant perverts who want to destroy our way of life!” Yes. We are deviants. And I do want to destroy your way of life.

I want to destroy your cluster bombs and your semi-automatic handguns and your nuclear weapons of mass destruction. I want to destroy your earthraping, sky-murking, river polluting toxic waste factories. I want to see the humbling of a Mighty Empire that invades and conquers foreign lands and pillages the precious natural resources of developing nations. I want to see every hypocritical homo-hating, fear-mongering, childmolesting patriarchal sociopathic priest completely mocked, defrocked and relegated to cultural irrelevance.

Who are the true perverts in America now really?

That is the question. There are no radical queers in Utah. I missed my calling. I try to be radical but I’m outnumbered. And I don’t have any tattoos. Oh, and let’s be honest, I’m getting older.

Consequently I stopped experimenting with psychedelics after I was violently attacked by an intra-dimensional alien being on Venice Beach (long story).

But I still have fantasies. I do have an appreciation for the perverse and the offensive. And I also value the beautiful and serene. I’m learning how to stand in both. I’m a Zen pornographer. Truth is

I could be content with a gay marriage, two adopted orphaned refugee babies and a board position with Equality Utah. I know, boring right? Sure. And now I’ve disappointed you. No Gender Terrorism? No Interracial Cyborg Cross-breeding? Well, okay maybe just a little. I used to think I had to either be a radical queer or an assimilationist. But I live and work in Utah where even the most normal prudish homo is considered dangerous. Now I’m integrating both. It’s not an either/or scenario anymore. It’s a both/and. At heart I’m an iconoclast rabble-rouser. But I also am beginning to value the subtle power of social transformation. It takes both.

The radical queer takes the post-modern approach that all identity is a construct and nothing is essential. We can choose our orientation and our gender as easily as we construct our Facebook profiles.

And I believe that is true. But then I’ve always felt queer as a child, so I believe I was born this way, too. And the debate rages — nature or nurture? A or B? I say both. We can stand in paradox, include our contradictions and transcend the binaries of the mind and culture. That’s where revolution begins. That’s where radical social transformation starts to gestate. It’s an inside to outside metamorphic hyper convergence. It’s simultaneously a profound sutra of evolutionary wisdom and also nothing more than a load of pseudo-intellectual poppycock.

The queer mind includes both male and female. The transgender body includes both yin and yang. We are both/and.

The poet Rumi understood: “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I will meet you there.”

Revolution and submission. Perversion and innocence. The post PostModern. An integration of everything.

Viva. Q

I wish you could’ve met my mom.

Maybe she could’ve guided you in how a real Christian should be acting and speaking.

In my world I can go on Craigslist and find a complete porcelain Precious Moments fetish gear figurine collection for under $100

Sincerely, Tucker

M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8  I S S U E 9 9  Q S A LT L A K E  13

There are no radical queers in Utah.

Yes, there are some radical individuals — but there is no rogue band of offensive gender terrorists who want to rip the city apart in an excessive display of cyber-sex orgies and haute couture abortions. And that makes me sad. I crave gender anarchy. I envision a neo genderqueer anime technopop future for everyone. I want the mayor of Salt Lake to be a raging tranny dyke in spiked metal platforms with a hermaphrodite parrot named Felatio. I want the executive director of Deseret Industries to receive a revelation from our Faggot Prince Jehomo to command gay polygamy for all worthy queers. And I want heterosexuals to tremble at the thought of losing political power. I want the New Gender Nation to march up Capitol Hill and hoist high the Rainbow Fla ... nah, hold that — I really don’t care much for the Rainbow Flag. Sorry. I get its historical relevance, but honestly, a rainbow? Please Bitch! I want a radical queer movement that doesn’t have flags!

I want fantasy. I want to attend a carbon neutral Pride parade led by grand marshal Thomas S. Monson in solid gold stilettos and a barbwire hemp whip.

CRACK! I want to tell my little genetically cloned mutant children about the infamous Homo Provo Insurgency of 2012. You remember? That’s when a

up to them pay with their lives.

As you were not a resident of Oklahoma on that day, it could be explained why you so carelessly chose words saying that the homosexual agenda is worse than terrorism. I can most certainly tell you through my own experience that is not true. I am sure there are many people in your voting district that laid a loved one to death after the terrorist attack on Oklahoma City. I kind of doubt you’ll find one of them that will agree with you.

I was five years old when my mother died. I remember what a beautiful, wise and remarkable woman she was. I miss her. Your harsh words and misguided beliefs brought me to tears, because you told me that my mother’s killer was a better person than a group of people who are seeking safety and tolerance for themselves.

As someone left motherless and victimized by terrorists, I say to you very clearly you are absolutely wrong.

You represent a district in Oklahoma City and you very coldly express a lack of love, sympathy or understanding for what they’ve been through. Can I ask if you might have chosen wiser words were you a real Oklahoman that was

14  Q S A LT L A K E  I S S U E 9 9  M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8

Bullshattuck B-Movie?

More Like GLBT-Movie

By Ryan Shattuck ryan@qsaltlake.com

There are many things in life that naturally complement each other.

These partnerships harmonize so well that they are instantly recognizable to nearly anyone. Such examples include: • Peanut butter and jelly • Stewart and Colbert • Gin and tonic • John and Yoko • Ann Coulter and Last Halloween’s Most Popular Tranny Costume A reader may notice that “gay movies” and “really, really good” aren’t on this list. This isn’t an oversight.

I’m not a film snob. This is solidified by the fact that I own such criticallyacclaimed masterpieces as Mona Lisa Smile and Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. I clearly am in no position to criticize the movie-viewing habits of others, and not just because I once listed Patch Adams in an online profile as one of my favorite movies. Having said this, I abhor most gay movies. I hate most gay movies with the same passion usually employed by Nazis towards Jews or

by President Bush towards reading. I’ve seen gay movies at both the Sundance and Tampa film festivals, have watched countless gay movies at friends’ homes, and have viewed hundreds — if not tens — of hours of gay movies during my lifetime. Of all the gay films I’ve seen during my gay life, there was maybe one minute in Adam and Steve that I actually enjoyed. Had the rest of the movie been like this one minute, I probably would have liked it — regardless of the fact that this one enjoyable minute occurred during the closing credits.

While I do believe films such as Brokeback Mountain and Angels in America deserve every cinematic accolade that has come their way, I also believe that most gay films are little more than a porn wrapped in an implausible, boring plot and peppered with stereotypes. Of the one or two or seven dozen gay movies I’ve seen over the years, most have consisted of a plot thinner than Nicole Richie during Spring Break — and a plot that has served little more purpose than acting as a vehicle to the next sex scene. Now, considering how busy gay men are in these modern times, it only makes sense that such a composition would be utilized in most gay films. Gay men enjoy watching movies. Gay men enjoy watching porn. So why not combine the two? After a long days’ work, who has time to watch both a thoughtprovoking feature length film AND a hot man-on-man porn? Thank you, Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds. You just saved me an extra hour in my day.

I realize not many people share this opinion. But I’d like to believe that at least some gay men are just as frustrated. Sure, many consider watching films such as East Side Story to be a good way to spend an evening. Nevertheless, many gay men like me understand that

such films do not accurately portray reality, as not all of us devote 90 percent of every thought or every conversation or every Google search or every hand job to sex. Many of us happen to lead rather average lives, with the only difference between our straight counterparts and ourselves being that we happen to date the same sex. Is there a movie for people such as us? Where’s the action adventure movie where the male protagonist only happens to be gay? Where’s the comedy where the male protagonist only happens to be gay? Where’s the horror movie where the male protagonist only happens to be gay? Where’s the sci-fi movie where the male protagonist only happens to be gay? Where’s the movie starring Gael García Bernal where he only happens to be gay — and then later falls in love with Ryan Shattuck? Yes, we’ve covered the ‘gay romantic’ bases, the ‘travails of dating in the gay world bases,’ and the ‘127 versions of having gay sex’ bases.

Perhaps it’s time for gay filmmakers to

Gay Geeks The Revolution Will be Rosy

by JoSelle Vanderhooft joselle@qsaltlake.com

This issue’s column will be about a decade-old Japanese animation series, because what kind of geek would I be if I wasn’t both an anime fan and nostalgic for the late ’90s?

Not to mention shows with crossdressing girls, swords popping out of people’s chests, twisted fairy tales and more impossibly colored roses than you can find on flowers.com. We’ll get to these in a minute.

This particular series has a lot of deeply personal significance to me.

It was the first gay-related TV show I ever watched, and the first I found after coming out as a 19-year-old college sophomore. I couldn’t have found it at a better time to discover it. This is a show about adolescence, about coming of age emotionally, morally and sexually — particularly when this already painful process has been complicated by despair, betrayal and the death of loved ones, all themes with which gay folks can identify. I mean, we still get more than our fair share of adolescent angst as teens thanks to rampant anti-gay prejudice.

The show to which I’m referring (if you anime geeks out there weren’t just waiting for the punch line) is Revolutionary Girl Utena or Shojou Kakumei Utena if you prefer the Japanese title.

When our pink-haired heroine Utena Tenjou loses her parents as a child, a prince on a white horse comforts her.

He gives Utena a ring emblazoned with a pink rose crest and promises that they will meet again some day.

Flash forward 10 years or so. Utena is now a middle school student at Ohtori Academy who wears a boy’s uniform, kicks the boys’ asses at basketball and dreams of someday becoming a prince herself. When she finds herself involved in a series of bizarre student duels for possession of fellow student Anthy Himemiya, she finds herself not only

venture out into the unknown non-sex, non-dating gay territory.

Might I suggest they use protection.

Where’s the movie starring Gael García Bernal where he only happens to be gay — and then later falls in love with Ryan Shattuck?

Some gay movies I genuinely find both entertaining and worthwhile, such as The Birdcage. What makes a film like this appeal to a wide variety of audiences — despite the plot centering on a gay couple and men who dress in drag engaged to Anthy (whom student duelists call the Rose Bride), but caught up in a twisted, emotional struggle for the power to possess eternity and to “revolutionize the world.”

So, basically, it’s your typical shojou (girl’s) anime except with 50 percent more sword fights and bisexuals. Yes. Lots, and lots and lots of bisexuals.

More than you can find at flowers.com, that’s for sure.

Just about everyone in this series is attracted to at least one person of the same and opposite sex. Sometimes this is overt enough to become a plot point.

“I’m a normal girl, ” she tells Anthy in one of the early episodes.

“And I just want a normal boy.”

For example, one of the student council members, Juri Arisugawa, spends several episodes trying to figure out what to do about her crush on another female student. Sometimes it’s less obvious, like the strong relationship between Anthy and Utena that viewers have interpreted as everything from a close, platonic friendship to unresolved sexual tension. For people who see it as the latter (i.e. me), it also doesn’t follow the typical trope in shojou-ai (girl’s love) anime. You know, two girls with a big sister/little sister dynamic where it’s more about hero-worship and pink bubbles (seriously, it’s a shojou trope) and nothing ever gets resolved. Utena and Anthy’s relationship starts out as slight and rather awkward, at least on Utena’s part. After all, she doesn’t understand what these duels are about, doesn’t like the idea of owning another human being and even balks at the idea of being engaged to another girl.

“I’m a normal girl,” she tells Anthy in one of the early episodes. “And I just want a normal boy.”

But the beautiful thing about Revo-

— is its relatable themes of family. Not everyone has had to deal with a parent dressing in drag, but a large cross-section of America has dealt with having to meet their in-laws and being embarrassed by their parents. I feel comfortable watching The Birdcage with my open-minded mother and father, but I don’t feel comfortable watching Trick with my open-minded brother and sister. With many gay films continuing to perpetuate the stereotype that the one and only priority in a gay man’s life is dating and sex, it’s no wonder why a mainstream movie with a gay protagonist continues to be a rarity (aside from 1997’s Batman and Robin). In the year 2008, gay men now come from all walks of life and have more on their mind than just sex. Maybe it’s time our movies reflect this fact.

For those gay filmmakers looking for a male lead, might I suggest Ann Coulter? Q

lutionary Girl Utena is that nobody is normal, least of all our heroine, and nobody ever finds a “normal” boy (or girl) to love. Also, Utena’s misgivings about her engagement vanish when she has to start protecting Anthy from other duelists whose intentions are less than pure (and sometimes even murderous).

Her relationship with Anthy develops and weathers quarrels, jealousy and the two characters’ growth to adulthood in a way that few female/female pairs in anime do. They come across as fully realized individuals capable of change, error, kindness and selfishness — real women in a real relationship, not the impossibly big-breasted, frustratingly zero-dimensional wank material you run into over and over while looking for anime about lesbians and bisexual women.

As a bisexual woman myself, that’s what I enjoy the most about this series and what attracted me to it nearly 10 years ago: its refusal to treat bi and gay women as toys for straight men (and similarly, bi and gay men as toys for straight women, which happens more than you might think in anime).

It not only affirms that bisexuality is real, but that it’s also not shameful or harmful in and of itself. As a lot of people — straight and gay — still insist that bisexuality doesn’t exist, I find this viewpoint both refreshing and progressive. And to think, this was a series that debuted in Japan in 1997 and reached the United States (at least commercially) in 1999.

Whether or not you’re an anime fan, whether you’re gay, straight or bisexual, whether you like roses or hate them, I really do hope you check out this series. Although it focuses predominantly on adolescent characters (the oldest appears to be in his late 20s), it’s a series that you understand better and appreciate more as you age, as time and experience bring your own adolescence into sharper focus.

I mean, it’s got cross dressing, swords being pulled out of people’s chests and every single color of rose in the gay pride rainbow. What more could anyone want from an anime?

For the revolution of the world! Q

by David Samsel david@qsaltlake.com

Survival of the Fittest Everyone When I’m your server I stop by your table after I drop off your food to make sure everything tastes OK. One time I was serving a man and woman, probably in their mid-40s. I approached their table and asked in a pleasant tone if everything had come out alright. They stopped eating, looked at each other with blank expressions then turned their heads slowly to look up at me.

They stared for a moment without saying a word then turned their faces

Verbal tips are what cheap people use to make themselves feel better about their poor performance as a human.

Gay People Get Around I’ve read studies that have found gay people to eat out and travel more than their straight counterparts. I believe this is true. Gay people get around more than straight people do.

There’s no point in doing something more than everyone else if you’re not going to be the best at it. Remember, you don’t get anywhere worth being unless you give more than is expected.  Q

Mountain Meadows Mascara

Love in a Box

by Ruby Ridge ruby@qsaltlake.com

Well it’s that special time of year, cherubs.

The time of year when young women take to the streets flaunting their assets, and giving a quick tawdry thrill to the nameless Johns who circle around craving their goodies. No, I’m not talking about hookers giving hand jobs off State Street.

I’m talking about the annual Girl Scout Cookie drive. Get your minds out of the South Salt Lake gutter people ...

I am appalled!

Believe it or not, I absolutely adore the Girl Scout Cookie drive, darlings, and here’s why: It’s not because I can wolf down an entire box of Thin Mints, Samoas, Tagalongs, or Do-si-dos in one sitting (although that could be a real contributing factor). It’s just that it must completely piss off the patriarchal bastards that rule the Boy Scouts Council that they have been totally eclipsed in the entrepreneurial, self-sufficiency, and fundraising department by a bunch of giggling girls selling cookies. That just totally cracks me up! It must just give the old exclusionary Boy Scout regime screaming hissyfits that despite all of their “be prepared,� militaristic, God and Country, discipline and honor BS, that they have nothing that comes even close to the financial sustainability of cookies in a box. To which I say, “You go, girls!� I think it’s freaking genius!

Did you know the Girl Scouts have been peddling cookies since 1917? I know, it was a shocker to me too. Apparently it all started in Muskogee, Oklahoma when the Mistletoe Troop baked cookies and sold them at a high school cafeteria.

Almost a hundred years later, the rest is marketing history and they are a pop culture icon. Congrats!

I know this may sound tacky, but if you get a spare moment, pumpkins, you really should pull up their Web site and read

their Frequently Asked Questions. I must be completely warped because I was roaring with laughter when I read them. They are so perversely funny in this overly politically correct kind of way. Because they are such a huge cultural phenomenon that needs to appeal to a broad market, the Girl Scouts has actually developed Talking Points about their cookies to counter any negative media, or hostile questions from their buying public. Listen to some of these PC gems: “Obesity is at epidemic levels, particularly childhood obesity.

Does it concern you that by selling cookies you are contributing to a very real health threat?� or “What about Girl Scout Cookies and partially hydrogenated oils (trans fats)?� or “Are all Girl Scout Cookies kosher?� and my personal politicallycorrect favorite, “Does the chocolate used in Girl Scout Cookies come from a free trade zone or is it from cacao beans picked by children?� Oh my God isn’t that just the best?

With that kind of thorough preparation, those little doe-eyed, pig-tailed Brownies could bitch slap some investigative reporter like Anderson Cooper or Mike Wallace into a coma. Seriously, I bet there are LDS Missionaries out there that can’t answer a basic question about the Holy Trinity, but you could ask any Girl Scout about the Palm Oils in Caramel DeLites and she would wipe the floor with you, and I respect that!

So go out and buy some Girl Scout Cookies, petals, and help build some courage, confidence and character in our young girls. By planning their sales, staffing their booths, coordinating the distribution of thousands of boxes and reporting their sales, the Girl Scout Cookie drive gives invaluable experience to these entrepreneurial young girls.

But keep your eyes on the Brownie in the warehouse driving the fork lift full of cookies, because you know it’s only a matter of time until that one’s wearing a UPS uniform, chugging Jaeger shots and watching football every Sunday at the Paper Moon.

So “Be Prepared!�

Ciao, babies!  Q

No, I’m not talking about hookers giving hand jobs off State Street. I’m talking about the annual Girl Scout Cookie drive.

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M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8 ď Ž   I S S U E 9 9 ď Ž   Q S A LT L A K E ď Ž   15

I’ve been working as a waiter for the past year and a half. It’s taught me a lot and I’ve enjoyed much about it, but as with any service industry you get to see the very worst in people.

It’s often a practice in deep breathing.

If you take nothing else from this column, please take this: When you go out to eat your tip should start at 20 percent of your food cost. And that’s just for your standard run-of-the-mill service.

When I say food cost I mean the cost of all of the food and drink that you order.

Did you catch that last part? If you don’t like something and end up sending it back to the kitchen, then that is a lot of extra work for your server. If you decide not to replace the item you didn’t like with something else, which is an option that your server should graciously offer, then when you tip your server at the end of your meal be sure to include in your head the cost of the returned food when you figure your tip.

Verbal tips are what cheap people use to make themselves feel better about their poor performance as a human.

Verbal tippers leave you a bad gratuity after they verbally praise you, the food, the service and the whole experience that they’ve just had. Your server’s selfesteem is not hanging on your opinion of the meal and their service. Show your gratitude with your gratuity.

A lot of people come very close to tipping an acceptable amount. But you know, you’d think that last dollar or two is just going to kill people! If your check’s total is $35 then shell out that extra dollar and tip $7 rather than rounding down to $6. You’re not going to miss that dollar. I promise.

I guess the cold hard truth is this: If you can’t afford to tip 20 percent on your meal then you probably shouldn’t be eating at a restaurant with sit-down service. If you can afford to tip 20 percent or more and choose not to, then you’re very likely a person that values money and things over human beings. That’s a sad way to live, but one that we probably have all been guilty of in our lives at some point. The good news is there are many opportunities to overcome this mindset of inanimate “things� over people.

Remember three things: nobody likes a cheap bastard, everybody knows that bad tippers are bad in bed, and bad tippers have at some point in their lives intentionally kicked a puppy.

the caveman’s day.

I realize that we all have our moments when we’re that person, but some people are hogging more than their fair share of the stupid!

inc.

David Samsel 20 is the new 15

slowly back to they’re food and resumed chewing. I’m sure that for just a second my head cocked ever so slightly to one side as my brain came screeching to a halt. But I quickly recovered and walked away from the table, not sure what had just happened.

This is why zoos are so wrong. Because when you lock all the lions up, everyone survives to adulthood regardless of their ability to navigate through the wilds of our society. It’s the people that cruise along in the passing lane on the freeway with 10 cars stuck behind them that would have been Mufasa’s dinner had they been born back in

16  Q S A LT L A K E  I S S U E 9 9  M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8

Signs of the Times

Boyzilian Smooth as a...

PART TWO

by Guy Libby

A week’s gone by since I went in for my second laser treatment at A New Day Spa and salon. There was a new person at the desk (probably because I hadn’t been in on a Tuesday before), but they greeted me as warmly as ever. Sherry was running just a little behind with her previous appointment, so I took a seat in the lobby and flipped through the magazines there. Soon Sherry escorted me back to the room where the laser equipment waited, where she prepared a massage table with fresh sheets and then gave me privacy to disrobe.

Last time around, I had been a little nervous about everything, so when Sherry came back into the room I still had most of my clothes on. This time I quickly stripped down, set my folded clothes onto a chair, and slipped between the sheets on the table. I was still feeling both brave and scandalous when she knocked and let herself back into the room. We talked for just a bit before she strapped on my protective eyegear and got to work.

I decided to add my chest to my laser hair-removal package, so that’s where she began. After all, it’s only money, right? And isn’t it my duty to stimulate the economy during an economic downturn?

And maybe I’ll finally stick to an exercise routine if I can see my chest to see the results. And, I’ve got to be honest, I like a smooth chest. I like a manly, hairy chest too — but my own chest just looks unclean: not hairy enough to be manly, not smooth enough to be boyish. Since I can’t make my body grow more hair in certain places, I’ll take it off instead.

We proceeded down to the belly and then the groin. I had left a little area trimmed but not shaved this time, so she didn’t have to guess at what area I wanted left untreated. (“Oh good, you’ve given me a good line.”) The first time, I

shaved everything. So this time I actually used a straight edge when I was preparing the day before treatment. I’ll have to remember to do that again.

When I flipped over, we started at the top and worked down again: neck, back, butt. I really didn’t feel the laser very strongly until we got to the butt. Then, just like last time, I was twitching and flinching. I tried to distance myself from my body, imagine non-painful imagery, but I was brought back with each zap.

At the end, she asked if I felt I was done or if I wanted something more treated. Despite my embarrassment to discuss my body, I brought up the testicles again. If laser isn’t an option here, is waxing a good option?

Well, she said laser is mostly not an option because of the possibility of infertility. And it hurts. But if infertility is not an issue, the pain is probably no worse than waxing, and we can go for it. Um, maybe I’ll think about it until my next appointment.

Okay, so a tiny part of me is hoping that I’ll meet a woman and fall in love and have kids. Never mind that I’ve given up dating. Never mind that 99 percent of the people I ogle are not women.

Never mind all the other things that have kept and still keep me from a relationship with a woman. So we’ll see how brave I am in a month.

Meanwhile, it’s been a week since treatment, which means that in only a few more days some of this stubble that has regrown will begin to fall out. When I pull up my shirt, it is interesting to compare my stomach (2 treatments) with my chest (1 treatment). My stomach has little regrowth: apart from a couple small tufts, it looks about as stubbly as the day of treatment. My chest looks like my stomach did last time: several days of growth (which will begin to fall out soon). I almost wish I could add another area for each visit. I could compare each stage of removal. I also wish I could see my back and butt so easily. It’s a bit mysterious how things are proceeding back there. Still, I can hardly wait for another three weeks to go by before session three. Then I’ll be halfway through! Q

I was still feeling brave and scandalous when she knocked and let herself back in the room.

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M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8  I S S U E 9 9  Q S A LT L A K E  17

1 8  Q S A LT L A K E  I S S U E 9 9  M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8

by JoSelle Vanderhooft joselle@qsaltlake.com

E

very time he or his roommate goes to the park at 3148 S. 11th West, a South Salt Lake City resident says they get a postcard from the police department detailing the time of their visit and their car’s license plate number. And after receiving two of the cards in less than a month, the resident says he’s beginning to feel harassed.

“On March 12 I got another card in the mail from the South Salt Lake Police thanking us for visiting the park,” said the resident, who asked QSaltLake to remain anonymous for fear of police reprisal. “At what point does it become harassment?”

The card, which QSaltLake obtained, is sent from the city’s Safe Parks Project, a program formed, according to its Web site, “to take a proactive approach to reducing criminal activity in our city parks, and to work with the community to gather information about suspicious activity.” As part of this program, the Web site description continues, “the South Salt Lake City police department has upped its patrols in the city’s parks.”

The card, which the resident also received on Feb. 29, is addressed only to “Registered Owner” with the street address filled in by hand. The back lists a handwritten license plate number, date and time of visit, and the address of the park visited.

The printed text of the card reads in part: “Thank you for visiting one of our many city parks. In an effort to make the parks an enjoyable experience for you and other visitors, we encourage and appreciate any input you may have in keeping the parks clean and safe. In the past we have experienced problems with crime in the parks (i.e. lewdness, exhibitionism, assault, drug use and possession). We are asking for your help to keep the parks of South Salt Lake City crime free and eliminate these ongoing problems.”

The card then lists the address and phone number of the city’s police department.

“We put those cards out just to let people know we’re around the area and are keeping an eye on the place,” said Gary Keller, a public information officer with the South Salt Lake City police department, who added that he had received only one complaint about the cards in the past. “Most people see it and think that’s great, but other people I guess have issue with it for

whatever reason. Makes me wonder why they have issue with it.”

The resident said he has an issue with the card because his roommate wasn’t doing anything illegal and should not be made to feel he is under surveillance.

“He doesn’t cruise the parks [looking for sex] ... he is out there most every weekend to walk the dog and get exercise,” he said. “Maybe they’ve seen his car out there so often that they’ve decided that he is a nefarious menace to society.”

The resident also said he thinks the police department is using the cards not for public awareness but for intimidation — and intimidation specifically targeted towards gay men.

“This stinks of BYU collecting license plate numbers from The Sun [a local gay bar] back in the ’70s and ’80s,” he said, referring to the Mormonowned school’s attempts to ferret out gay students for breaking the school’s honor code, which forbids gay sex.

“Addressing the card to “Registered Owner” is an obvious attempt to get someone other than the registered owner of the vehicle to read the card,” he continued. “There’s less of a chance of a partner, spouse or child reading the card if they put the name of the registered owner on the card. I know if I had gotten the mail first and saw [my roommate’s] name on the card I wouldn’t have read it.”

The fact that a spouse or child could read the card, he concluded, could identify people visiting the parks as “potential suspects” and cause “unnecessary and unwarranted problems at home.” To illustrate his point, the resident mentioned a man he and his roommate often see feeding the birds at the park.

“Did he get a card like this?” the resident asked. “How does he explain this to his wife, though? Will she be thrilled to know that he’s been hanging out with sex fiends and drug dealers?”

Keller said that the card is not intended to cause family problems or to intimidate people.

“It’s not our intent to cause suspicion,” he said.

He did say, however, that addressing the cards to “Registered Owner” had caused some confusion in the past.

“Some people think, ‘I wasn’t at the park,’ and it turns out that a family member went [using their car],” he said.

Keller said that the cards’ purpose is purely to help fight crime.

“People look at that [the card] and they think Big Brother is always watching them, but certainly this is a very useful investigative tool,” he said. “If we do have crimes we know who was in the area at the time so we can contact them to see if they heard anything.”

The fact that such a data base for the cards exists in the first place and includes license plate numbers, the resident said, leads him to believe that the cards are anything but that.

“I could start with freedom of assembly or even the idea that public parks are just that: open to the public,” he said. “Innocent until proven guilty, as

it were.”

“We just notify the registered owner to get information on the parks and what not,” said Keller. “Certainly, this has been scrutinized by our city attorneys and there’s no real expectation of privacy that we violated by copying the plate numbers and sending the cards out.”

Along with South Salt Lake City attorneys, Keller also said that the Safe Parks Program and its accompanying postcards had been scrutinized by several groups including resident input, the Salt Lake Drug Free Youth Coalition and the GLBTQ Public Safety Committee, which was formed in 2000 to address public safety issues effecting gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender

residents.

Captain Kyle Jones, a Salt Lake City officer who sits on the GLBTQ Public Safety Committee said that he didn’t know much about the postcards, as they are being sent out in a jurisdiction other than his own.

“But sending cards to someone in a park asking for their help ... there’s nothing wrong with that,” he said.

Jones also said that the Public Safety Committee was formed in part to address public sexual activity “that all parks are dealing with.”

“I don’t know if that’s the issue the South Salt Lake Parks are dealing with, but we put together a treatment program for people arrested for public

sex in parks,” he said. Called “Healthy Self Expressions,” this group provides people caught having public sex with group and individual counseling. According to Jones, fewer than 5 percent of those who go through the program are rearrested.

The South Salt Lake resident, however, said he and his roommate have a hard time believing what the police say about the cards, given the detail they go into about public lewdness.

“They went into such detail on the problems they’re having,” he said.

“Lewdness, exposure. Do they need to list both of those? To me that’s pushing boundaries.” Q

M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8  I S S U E 9 9  Q S A LT L A K E  19

2 0  Q S A LT L A K E  I S S U E 9 9  M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8

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n July of 2002 Robb Carney was on top of the world. He had a house, a great boyfriend and had just been promoted to a supervisor position at the University of Utah’s School of Medicine. He moved from his downtown office up to the campus in a small room with four other people – now his employees.

What he didn’t know at the time was that move would cost him thousands of dollars, land him in jail and make his life a living hell for six years.

All because Carney is openly gay.

Carney was under the impression that the university had a policy that prohibited discrimination against an employee because of their sexual orientation. He was right. In 1991 the University of Utah Board of Trustees added the tem “sexual orientation” to its faculty and student code of conduct after ten months of consideration by 13 committees. Outgoing president Chase Peterson suggested the change.

“The University of Utah is fully committed to affirmative action and to its policies of nondiscrimination and equal opportunity in all programs, activities, and employment with regard to race, color, national origin, sex, age, status as a person with a disability, religion, sexual orientation, and status as a veteran or disabled veteran.”

But after a telephone conversation with his boyfriend, Carney signed off with “I love you.” That drew a complaint against him by one of his female employees for creating a “hostile work environment.”

Rather than come to Carney’s aid, Department of Obstetrics & Gynecology Administrative Director Erika Lindley drafted a statement to be signed by Carney stating he would no longer express his love for his partner in front of other employees. It was a first and final warning not to be openly gay in the workplace.

Carney refused to sign.

Two weeks later, Carney came into work and was directed to the director’s office. Child porn had been found on his computer. He was immediately fired.

He had been in his position for 37 days.

Carney filed for unemployment

benefits through the state of Utah and was denied because he had been fired.

He challenged the ruling, stating that he was fired even though he did nothing wrong. We said that the images found on his computer were the result of pop-up windows or a virus; he had not actively sought any kind of child porn imagery.

The university’s technical department ran a check of the computer and determined that, indeed, at least four of the five images found were the result of pop-up windows.

“The record supports the conclusion that there was no culpable event” that brought child pornography to Carney’s work computer.

Carney won his right to receive unemployment benefits.

But he had already found a new job — at the University of Utah in another department. He was then fired from that job since, because he had been fired by the U, he was ineligible to be rehired. The left hand wasn’t aware of what the right had was doing.

He was unemployed for over a year.

But that’s just the beginning of Carney’s woes. The next five years are a whole ‘nother story. We’ll bring that to you next issue. Q To be continued...

Promoted Right Out of a Job

by JoSelle Vanderhooft joselle@qsaltlake.com

‘Hey guess what? You’re getting a promotion but you’re not getting an increase in pay and your duties won’t be changed and reason is we want to eliminate Heidi,” Goldstein said.

Although Borjesson said she didn’t know anything about the “sham promotion” until later, she said she had a feeling that “something wasn’t right” when McCormick gave her a written disciplinary notice on Dec. 16, 2004 and told her she had only three business days to respond to it — despite the fact that Borjesson had made it known she was leaving town to visit her family on the next day.

While Borjesson said she asked for and was granted an extension to respond to the disciplinary notice until Jan. 5, 2005, she said the university terminated her employment at the end of the month before she was fully able to contest McCormick’s complaints against her work.

In accordance with university policy, which will refer an employee for similar positions on campus for up to six months after being “RIFed,” Borjesson said she then applied for accounting positions in other departments.

“I can’t count the number of jobs I applied for. It averaged out to applying for a job every other day at the university,” she said.

Despite what she calls “immaculate references,” Borjesson said she was repeatedly turned down right when she thought she had the job.

“There were several positions where when we finished the interview, I’d feel relieved,” she said. “But then I’d get a call two or three days later and someone almost always choked up saying, ‘I wish so much we could offer you this position but you were edged out by one employee.’” After hearing the same story several times, Borjesson said she wondered how many other employees there could possibly be who were applying for the same job at the same time with the same qualifications.

Although the difficulty she was having in being rehired puzzled her at first, Borjesson said things became much clearer when Lake contacted her and said McCormick was giving bad references when people from other departments called seeking information about Borjesson.

“She told me, ‘Not only is she giving bad reference, she’s yelling about what

“The University of Utah is fully committed to affirmative action and to its policies of nondiscrimination and equal opportunity in all programs, activities, and employment with regard to race, color, national origin, sex, age, status as a person with a disability, religion, sexual orientation, and status as a veteran or disabled veteran.”

university without going through the probationary period new hires must face, a restoration of her retirement benefits and seniority and the payment of her court costs.

“At this point I feel pretty humiliated,” she said. “That I would allow myself to feel I’m not worthy of employment is bullshit. I’m a damn good employee and here I am not able to find work still. It’s like, do I have to change my name and move out of state? What’s that about? I’m not even getting answers back at all for interviews of any kind. I’m not even being asked for interviews. I don’t know what to do.” Q

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M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8  I S S U E 9 9  Q S A LT L A K E  2 1

Like many employees every year, Heidi Borjesson lost her job in the University of Utah’s physics department because of a reduction in force in 2005.

But unlike most “RIFed” employees, who are demoted, reclassified or let go because of departmental restructuring or a lack of money to pay them, Borjesson says her ‘RIFing’ had nothing to do with a budget shortage and everything to do with a supervisor’s dislike for her and a gross violation of the university’s employment policies.

“I’m not calling it a reduction in force,” said Borjesson, a former associate-level accountant of 15 years’ standing in the physics department.

“I’m calling it a firing because I believe that’s what it was.”

In her suit against the university, Borjesson alleges that she was wrongly and involuntarily terminated from her position because her supervisor at the time, Roberta McCormick, disapproved of Borjesson being bisexual and taking personal preference days to care for her animals.

“It was irksome to [McCormick], for example, that Heidi’s former husband would come and have lunch with her in spite of the fact that it was known in the office that Heidi had a girlfriend,” said Reed Pruyn Goldstein, Borjesson’s attorney.

But Goldstein said that Borjesson’s suit is not about being targeted because of her lifestyle and sexuality.

Rather, he said it is about McCormick violating university policy in preferring a less experienced employee over his client when the possibility of a reduction in force was brought to her attention.

In a complaint filed in the Third District Court in February, Borjesson alleges that McCormick favored coworker Shanon Lake over her for a number of reasons “including but not limited to the facts that Ms. Borjesson is a lesbian and Ms. Lake is not; Ms. Borjesson ‘mothered’ animals and Ms. Lake ‘mothered’ children; and Ms. Lake was weathering a divorce and Ms. Borjesson was not.” Although the women had similar job duties, Lake had only worked in the department for six years versus Borjesson’s 15, and university policy, according to the complaint, gives preference by seniority in such cases.

“As of October 2004, Ms. McCormick knew that if a reduction in force were to take effect ... and impact one or the other of Ms. Borjesson or Ms. Lake, Ms. Lake’s employment would be the one terminated,” the complaint reads.

Knowing that she couldn’t alter either woman’s seniority, Goldstein said McCormick got around the policy by reclassifying Lake’s position, essentially changing her job title (from associate accountant to accounting specialist) but not her duties in what Goldstein calls a “sham promotion.”

The complaint also alleges that McCormick informed Lake of her reason for changing her job title.

“Roberta [basically told Shanon],

a horrible person and employee you are,’” Borjesson said.

Goldstein said this behavior, coupled with what he terms Borjesson’s wrongful termination, forms the lynchpins of the suit against the university.

“The U not only breached the contract [of its reduction in force policy] materially, it also breached the implied covenant in the policy of what we call good faith and fair dealings. It’s something that is inherent in any contract including employment contracts,” he said. “They did it in two ways: One by not dealing fairly with her in terms of reduction of force and also in terms of what Heidi’s reemployment rights were in the six months following reduction in force.”

When asked to comment on the suit, physics department chair Dr. Dave Keida said he had little to say on the issue because Borjesson’s 2005 “RIFing” happened before his time as chair.

Noting that Borjesson had worked on some accounting matters for him in the past, however, Keida did say that a number of her allegations “caught me at a complete surprise” when he learned about them.

“I never knew any of these things, and I don’t think it was common knowledge in the department,” he said.

“Her position was eliminated as a costcutting measure and I’m aware that she did file a grievance,” said Remi Barron, the University of Utah Public Relations Specialist to whom calls about Borjesson’s case are routinely referred.

He also said that oncampus mediators had looked into her dismissal and found that it was “done for legitimate reasons.”

He said that he had not looked into any other on-campus jobs for which Borjesson had applied and therefore said he didn’t know about whether McCormick had given her bad references.

He stressed, however, that it is not the university’s policy to discriminate based on sexual orientation.

“We don’t discriminate for any reason, certainly not for that reason,” he said.

Two years after her termination, Borjesson said she is still unable to find work at the university, or with any other state agency, and that the “financial fallout” has hit her hard.

“I was expecting to be employed in the month,” she said, adding that only the support of “a generous benefactor who said they believe in my case” has allowed her to keep paying her bills and her legal expenses.

She is seeking reemployment at the

2 2  Q S A LT L A K E  I S S U E 9 9  M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8

Q Scene

Paper Moon’s annual Bra Auction / Toni’s Birthday Party draw huge crowds and raised a great sum of money for breast cancer awareness.

QSaltLake was proud of their theme bra: The Candle-A-Bra

Chuck Whyte’s fundraiser that closed the annual Cancer Week of the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire was “An Evening of Joy and Laughter.” Chuck — never do drag again.

The Utah Bear Alliance presents

THE 2008 MR. UTAH BEAR AND CUB CONTEST

Are you man enough?

VISIT WWW.UTAHBEARS.COM

Join us for another exciting weekend including: FRIDAY MARCH 28

A special Bear Jam/Contestant Meet & Greet Special Activities and Contest SUNDAY, MARCH 30

Congratulatory Brunch

AT CLUB TRY-ANGLES A private club for members

M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8  I S S U E 9 9  Q S A LT L A K E  2 3

SATURDAY, MARCH 29

2 4  Q S A LT L A K E  I S S U E 9 9  M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8

The Gay Agenda

Mr. Utah Bear and Cub Contest.

See March 28

YOUR CALENDAR OF ARTS, ENTERTAINMENT & IMPORTANT EVENTS

There’s nothing more satisfying than going to great theatre like Odyssey Dance Company’s Shut Up & Dance, and then running into a couple of the performers at the local Village Inn. Who’da thunk a pair of dancers with ripped bods would ingest such difficultto-digest portions of late-night cuisine.

I guess even dancers need their daily intake of grease and fatty byproducts.

Q Awarded the March Volunteer of the Month by the Utah Pride Center, the wacky fabulous local band Purr Bats are having a CD release party of their fourth album. Lead by sexy frontman Kyrbir, this unique indie/new wave/ rock band will blow your socks off.

Tonight’s proceeds benefit the Center.

Rope or Bullets, Cavedoll and The United States also take the stage.

28FRIDAY

29SaTUrday

Q The two “bear”-chested ... well, if you remove the leather and chains ... babes in the agenda photo to your right must now come out of hibernation and give up their coveted titles, as Utah Bear Alliance’s 2008 Mr. Utah Bear & Cub Contest descends upon us.

Take the time this weekend to trap your favorite bear as they forage for ripe berries and such at Gene Nate’s watering hole.

Q It’s been called a “charmingly flambouyant affair!” No, it’s not a naked hot tub party at Michael’s house. It’s Ririe-Woodbury Dance Company’s annual fund raising event Cabaret of Fools. Celebrating their 44th season, this phenomenal troupe really wants to party. Enjoy great entertainment (including a performance by Kurt Bestor), food and auction (items include a grand piano and a resort stay in Mesquite).

Times vary, through Saturday, Club Try-Angles, a private club for members, 251 W. 900 South. Free to members, visit utahbears.com.

9pm, Urban Lounge, a private club for members, 241 S. 500 East. Suggested $5 donation, visit purrbats.com.

7–11pm, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $75, 297-4236 or ririewoodbury.com.

Q Steven Fales ... you know that one Mormon boy ... presents the sequel to his confessional, and it’s even gayer than the first — it’s a “cabaret confection.” Already a major hit in San Francisco and San Diego, Mormon American Princess comes to Salt Lake for a special two-night engagement benefiting the Utah Pride Center.

8pm Sat. & 7pm Sun., Black Box Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway.

Tickets $30/Sat.–$25/Sun., 355-ARTS or arttix.org.

31MONDAY Q Queer Village offers a special Gay Movie Night with a screening of the award-winning documentary film Semper Fi. Based on a one-man play The Eyes of Babylon (see Apr. 3), the story examines Jeff Keys’ journey as a gay Marine in Iraq and his battle to speak his conscience when the war no longer stood for the values he was sworn to uphold. Keys will be in attendance for a Q&A after the movie.

7pm, Tower Theatre, 876 E. 900 South.

Tickets $8 and benefits the Mehadi Foundation, 321-0310.

1TUESDAY

A private club for members

Q So I slept with a woman last April Fool’s Day for the first time in 17 years. I just thought to myself if I could do it once, why not again.

Though the “act” was OK I guess, I never really felt that electricity like I do with guys. And though it may have been “foolish” of me, I would never give up the twin sons we conceived that night.

Q I can’t even imagine what life was like for a black gay man growing up in Texas during the 1950s and ’60s ... especially if he loved ballet. But regardless, Alvin Ailey became one

of the most reputable dancers/choreographers of his time. This year, his dance company Alvin Ailey American Dance Troupe celebrates 50 years of amazing work. Celebrate with them as they share their most memorable programs.

7:30pm, through Wednesday, Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Cir., UofU. Tickets $29.50–49.50, 581-7100 or kingtix.com.

2WEDNESDAY Q Dr. Lane’s tidy life is falling apart.

Her Brazilian maid, Mathilde, hates to clean and spends her time crafting the perfect joke, in Portuguese. Lane’s sister is a cleanaholic and is secretly taking over the maid’s duties, and, to top it all, her doctor husband has fallen in love with his cancer patient, an older woman with more life force than time. Salt Lake Acting Company’s The Clean House is a comedy that celebrates love, forgiveness and a joke good enough to die for.

Times vary, through April 27, Salt Lake Acting Company, 168 W. 500 North.

Tickets $13–34, 363-7522 or saltlakeactingcompany.org.

Q Frederico García Lorco was a famous Spanish poet and playwright — among other artistic talents — who was killed at the age of 38 by the Nationalist militia during the Spanish Civil War. It has been speculated that the circumstances around his death may have been attributed to his homosexuality. Blood Wedding is one of his most well-known plays. UofU’s Babcock Theatre stages this innovative and powerful true story of a fatal feud between two families in rural Spain.

7:30pm, through April 13, Babcock Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, UofU. Tickets $7–12, 581-7100 or kingtix.com.

3THURSDAY Q THE EYES OF BABYLON is a play developed from Jeff Key’s Iraq War Journals. It is the story of his struggle between being part of a war he knows to be illegal and immoral and a profound commitment to the reasons he became a Marine. Key decides the time has come to stop lying about his sexuality and goes on to use the ban on gays in the military to exit the Marine Corps and thereby avoid ever being asked again to take innocent lives for corporate gains.

This is a personal look inside the conscience of a man faced with near impossible decisions.

7:30pm, through April 19, Studio Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $25–30, 355-ARTS or arttix.org.

4FRIDAY

Q There’s a new show in town ... well, it could be a show called Dancing with the Gays. That’s right, all us queers can get hot and spicy on the dance floor as we learn to Salsa in the gay-friendliest atmosphere. The Gay Salsa Class is a four-week course, and by the end of it, we could all be hotter than Mario Lopez.

7pm, Fridays through April 25, DF Latin Dance Studio, 346 S. 500 East, Ste 200.

Registration $36/full course or $12/single class, 557-3648 or visit queervillage.blogspot.com.

5SATURDAY

SAVETHEDATE

APRIL 11 QSaltLake’s FABBY Awards Show qsaltlake.com

April 26 Queer Prom “The Origin of Love” utahpridecenter.org

Q This event is presented in part by Q’s neighboring office, the fabulous Utah Rivers Council. Join them, with Wasatch Community Gardens, for hands-on drought tolerant landscaping workshops as they work to create a Rip Your Strip demonstration garden in a parking strip.

9–11am, Tomato Garden, 800 E. 600 South.

Free, 359-2658.

8TUESDAY Q The timeless tale of a little orphan named Annie is back, giving a whole new generation the chance to experience this classic musical about never giving up hope.

This little spitfire of a girl, with hair to match, boasts some of Broadway’s most memorable scores, including “It’s the Hard-Knock Life” and the ever-optimistic “Tomorrow.”

7:30pm, through April 13, Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Cir., UofU. Tickets $25–55, 581-7100 or kingtix.com.

10THURSDAY Q Repertory Dance Theatre’s The Weight of Memory weaves threads of prose, movement and film together into a new performance language, based on ten short verses by local writer Karen Brennan. Choreographed by Ellen Bromberg and Della Davidson.

8pm, through April 13, Black Box Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway.

Tickets $30, 355-ARTS or arttix.org.

UPCOMING EVENTS April 12 — Sacha Sacket, The Woodshed Jun. 24 — Ani DiFranco, Las Vegas Jul. 4 — True Colors, USANA Amphitheatre Jul. 19 — The Police, USANA Amphitheatre Jul. 26 — Eddie Izzard, Las Vegas Nov. 21 — Celine Dion, ES Arena

JUNE 21 Salt Lake Men’s Choir “Hooray For Hollywood” 25th Anniv. Concert ­ saltlakemenschoir.org

May 26-28 RCGSE Coronation, rcgse. july 12 org PWACU’s Charity Fashion Show & Silent Auction, JUNE 6–8 pwacu.org Utah Pride Festival

April 12 Stonewall Caucus, Salt Lake County Democratic Conv. utahpride.org utahstonewalldemocrats.org JUNE 14 April 17-21 HRC Utah Dinner White Party 08, Palm hrcutah.org Springs circuitticket.com

Aug. 1–3 The Village Summit utahaids.org AUG. 7–10 PWACU River Trip pwacu.org

AUG 24 Center Golf Classic utahpridecenter.org SEP 26–27 Southern Utah Pride, Springdale. ­southernutahpride.org OCT 10–12 SLC GayBowl VIII mwffl.org OCT 11 Coming Out Day Breakfast utahpridecenter.org

arts@­qsaltlake.com.

PTC’s ‘The Heiress’ Is a Common Period Piece

By Tony Hobday

From undertones of racism in Paint Your Wagon and bigotry in The Foreigner to broad connotations of pedophilia in Doubt and terrorism in The Vertical Hour, Pioneer Theatre Company had marked the 2007-08 season with a string of extravagant and heavy productions full of dark political and social subject matter.

In continuation, PTC’s current drama The Heiress addresses feminism in preCivil War New York. Dr. Austin Sloper, a staunch aristocrat and single father, whose animosity for his only daughter Catherine leads to a harsh domestic dispute when she announces her engagement to a mere stranger. The storyline is all too customary: A homely, “dull” girl quickly succumbs to the charisma of a handsome, but utterly poor man with questionable intentions.

Catherine’s (Effie Johnson) insecurities lead her in making rash decisions and lame excuses in regard to her realationship with an unemployed grifter, Morris Townsend (Alex Podulke), who has professed immediate affection for her. But Morris’ true intentions are questioned by Catherine’s father (Thomas Carson), and his indignant response to the couple’s unification leads to a threat of disinheritance. Catherine’s plight is compounded by Morris’ indelicate disap-

pearing act and her aunt Lavinia’s (Libby George) matriarchal persistence to basically ‘take what she can get.’

Supported by a competent cast including Cheryl Gaysunas, Cecelia Riddett, Thomas Marcus, Anne Bowles and Colleen Baum, and the intuitive set design/ changes (i.e., a maid arranging the scene by placing a potted plant in front of the fireplace representing the seasonal change to summer), the PTC production identifies good theatre.

Yet the historical significance of feminism — at least in this play written by Augustus and Ruth Goetz, may have run its course. The assumption of a clueless woman easily subdued by a characterless man in today’s world is mute. There is little to relate to in Catherine or even honestly admire, albeit she finally packs a wallop. The playwright’s do however leave an interesting question hanging in the air about Morris’ reasoning behind his disappearance.

This intriguing question, however, does not mold the otherwise flat story.

Pioneer Theatre Company is forefront in offering provocative theatre, no doubt, but maybe the 2008-09 season will bring a bit more airiness.

The Heiress is currently playing through March 29 at Pioneer Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, UofU. Tickets $21–39, call 581-6961 or visit pioneertheatre.org.

M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8  I S S U E 9 9  Q S A LT L A K E  2 5

Q Set in Tel Aviv, THE BUBBLE beams with youthful optimism, but also with the sobering reality of life in the Middle East. The film follows the difficult relationship between a gay Israeli man and his Palestinian lover. This award-winning film is teeming with heart. The film screening is part of the Jewish Film Festival presented by the Salt Lake Film Center.

7pm, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Free, donations appreciated, 746-7000 or slfilmcenter.org.

Organizations

BUSINESS & Professional

ALCOHOL & DRUG TREATMENT

Aetna ANGLE. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 256-7137 HuntR@Aetna.com Armed Forces Support Group . . . . . . . . . . 581-7890 LGBTQ-Affirmative Psychotherapists Guild of Utah www.lgbtqtherapists.com Pride at Work, Utah . . . . . . . . 531-6137 QUEST (Queer Utah Educators & Students Together). . . . . . . . . . . . . . 809-5595 National Conference for Community and Justice 359 W Pierpont Ave. . . . . . 359-5102 National Organization for Women . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 483-5188 Pride at Work, Utah Chapter . . . . . . . . . . . 531-6137 Salt Lake County Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Employees. . . . . . 273-6280 jdonchess@slco.org UTAH GLBT BUSINESS GUILD utahglbtbusinessguild.org Utah Progressive Network . . . . 466-0955

Alcohol/Drug Detoxification Center . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 363-9400 Alcoholics Anonymous. . . . . . . 484-7871 utahaa.org . Sunday 3pm — Acceptance Group, Utah Pride Center Monday 8pm — Gay Men’s Stag Utah Pride Center . Tuesday 8pm — Live and Let Live St Pauls Episcopal Church . Wednesday 7:30pm — Sober Today 4601 S 300 W, Washington Terrace . Friday 8pm — Stonewall Group St Pauls Episcopal Church, 261 S 900 E Alternatives, Inc.. . . . . . (800) 342-5429 alternativesinc.com alternativesinc@att.net Center for Women and Children. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 261-9177 Crystal Meth Anonymous . . . . 859-4132 crystalmeth.org . Saturdays 7:30pm — Utah Pride Ctr Discovery House. . . . . . . . . . . 596-2111 discoveryhouse.com First Step House 411 N Grant St. . . . . . . . . . 359-8862 Harm Reduction Project . . . . . 355-0234 ihrproject.org The Haven . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 533-0070 Metamorphosis, Ogden Clinic, 536 24th St, Ste 6-A . . . . . 622-5272 Salt Lake City Clinic, 339 E 3900 S. . . . . . . . . . . 261-5790 breakaddiction.org Serenity House uafut.org Substance Abuse Day Treatment Program. .

355-1528

EDUCATIONAL Information & Referral Ctr . . . 978-3333 informationandreferral.org UofU Women’s Resource Center sa.utah.edu/women. . . . . . 581-8030 UofU LGBT Resource Ctr . . . . . 587-7973

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YWCA, 322 E 300 S. . . . . . . . . 537-8600 POLITICAL American Civil Liberties Union, ACLU. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 521-9862 acluutah.org, aclu@acluutah.org Disability Law Ctr. . . . . (800) 662-9080 info@disabilitylawcenter.org EQUALITY UTAH. . . . . . . . . . . . 355-3479 equalityutah.org, info@equalityutah.org

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Lifebreath Center/Interfaith Ministry. . .

363-9229 Provo Comm. United Church of Christ 175 N University Ave, Provo. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 375-9115 Reconciliation (Gay Mormons) ldsreconciliation.org. . . . . . 296-4797 Restoration Church of Jesus Christ 2900 S State St . . . . . . . . . 359-1151 Sacred Light of Christ Metropolitan Community Church 823 S 600 E. . . . . . . . . . . . 595-0052 Salt Lake Center for Spiritual Living spirituallyfree.org 870 E North Union Ave. . . . 307-0481 South Valley Unitarian Univ. Society 6876 S Highland Drive. . . . 944-9723 Unitarian Universalist Church of Ogden 705 23rd St, Ogden . . . . . . 394-3338

SOCIAL Affirmation — Salt Lake Chapter affirmation.org. . . . . . . . . . 486-6977 Best Friends Animal Sanctuary strutyourmutt.org . . . . . . . 483-2000 Bisexual Community Forum . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 539-8800 ext 14 Meets the 2nd Thurs each month at 7pm at the Center.

Body Electric — Celebrating the Body Erotic. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 699-7044 thomasconnor1@hotmail.com Camp Pinecliff . . . . . . . . . . . . 518-8733 Coloring Outside the Lines . . . 957-4562

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Delta Lambda Sappho Union Weber State Univ. . . . . . . . 627-1639 Engendered Species engenderedspecies.com. . . 320-0551 Gamofites gamofites.org. . . . . . . . . . . 444-3602 Gay and Lesbian Parents of Utah glpu@hotmail.com. . . . . . . 467-9010 Gay Men’s Health Summit — INVENIO utahgaymenshealth.com Imperial Rainbow Court of Northern Utah, irconu.org Kindly Gifts by Stitch & Bitch . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 487-7008 P-FLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) pflagslc.org Polyamory Society. . . . . . . . . 309-7240 1st Tue 7-9:30pm at the Black Box Theater at the Center qVinum gay & lesbian wine group www.qvinum.com Retired and Senior Volunteer Program. .

779-1287 Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire.

531-1115 rcgse.org, chairman@rcgse.org Southern Utah GLBT Community Center .

(435) 313-GLBT groups.yahoo.com/groups/suglbtcc, suglbtcc@yahoo.com STRENGTH IN NUMBERS (SIN) SALT LAKE health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ SINSaltLake sWerve swerveutah.com U of U Women’s Resource Center . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 581-8030 sa.utah.edu/women U of U LGBT Resource Center . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 587-7973 UTAH BEAR ALLIANCE utahbears.com. . . . . . . . . . 949-3989 Utah Families Coalition, utahfamilies.org. . . . . 539-8800 Ext 23 admin@utahfamilies.org Utah Gay Pride. . . . . . . . . . . . 539-8800 utahpride.org Utah Male Naturists www.umen.org

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Utah AIDS Foundation. . . . . . . 487-2323 utahaids.org, mail@utahaids.org

Utah Stonewall Democrats utahstonewalldemocrats.org info@utahstonewalldemocrats.org 455 S 300 E, Ste 102. . . . . 328-1212

Camp Pinecliff . . . . . . . . . . . . 518-8733 City of Hope, Utah . . . . . . . . . 531-6334 Gay Men’s Health Summit — Village utahgaymenshealth.com Northern Utah HIV/AIDS Project Walk-Ins Welcome. Every other Monday 5–7pm 846 24th St, Ogden . . . . . . 393-4153 People with AIDS Coalition of Utah 1055 E 2100 S. Ste 208 . . . . 484-2205

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University of Utah Department of Family and Preventative Medicine uuhsc.utah.edu/dfpm. . . . . 581-7234

Log Cabin Republicans, Utah lcrutah.org, lcr@lcrutah.org

HEALTH & HIV

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Human Rights Campaign, Utah hrc.org, HRCSaltLakeUT@aol.com

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Human Rights Campaign . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (202) 628-4160

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2 6  Q S A LT L A K E  I S S U E 9 9  M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8

Q Community Guide

First Baptist Church of Salt Lake firstbaptist-slc.org, office@firstbaptist-slc.org 777 S 1300 E. . . . . . . . . . . 582-4921

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Utah Power Exchange . . 975-0346 utahpowerexchange.org Membership@UtahPowerExchange.org UTAH PRIDE CENTER utahpridecenter.org, thecenter@utahpridecenter. org 361 N 300 W . . . . . . 539-8800 Toll-free . . . . . . 888-874-2743 Utah Queer Events groups.yahoo.com/group/ UtahQueerEvents Western Transsexual Support Group . . . . . . . (435) 882-8136

SPORTS Frontrunners Utah . . . . . 519-8889 frontrunnersutah.org Lambda Hiking Club . . . 532-8447 gayhike.org Mountain West Flag Football League mwffl.org . . . . . . . . 359-2544 Mountain West Volleyball League slcgaa.org . . . . . . . . . 407-6183 QUAC – QUEER UTAH AQUATIC CLUB quacquac.org, questions@ quacquac.org . . . . . . 671-3367 Salt Lake City Gay Athletic Association, slcgaa.org Salt Lake Goodtime Bowling League . . . . . . . . . . . 832-9745 Stonewall Shooting Sports of Utah stonewallshootingsportsutah. org

Utah Gay and Lesbian Ski Week communityvisions.org . . . . . . . . . . . . 877-429-6368 Utah Gay Mountain Bike Riders sports.groups.yahoo.com/ group/utahgaymtnbike

Weber State Univ. Gay Straight

UNIVERSITY & COLLEGE

WeberDLSU@yahoo.com

Gay and at BYU groups.yahoo.com/group/ gayandatBYU/ Gay-Straight Alliance Network gsanetwork.org/ University of Utah Lesbian & Gay Student Union utah.edu/lgsu/ Salt Lake Community College Coloring Outside the Lines . . . .

957-4562 coloring_outside_lines@yahoo. com Southern Utah University Pride suu.edu/orgs/pride/ Utah State University Pride Alliance groups.yahoo.com/group/ usupride/ Utah State University Gay and Lesbian Student Resource Center usu.edu/glsrc, . . . . . . .

435-797-4297 usuglsrc@yahoo.com Utah Valley State College Gay Straight Alliance uvsc.edu/clubs/club. cfm?clubID=251 groups.yahoo.com/group/ uvscgsa

Alliance organizations.weber.edu/dlsu/ groups.yahoo.com/group/WeberDLSU

YOUTH Homeless Youth Resource Center Youth ages 15-21.

655 S State St . . . . . 364-0744

T H E U TA H P R I D E C E N T E R P R E S E N T S

STEVEN FALES IN

Mormon American

Gay LDS Young Adults, glya.com Youth Activity Center Drop-in hours: Wednesdays: 3 – 9 pm, Thursdays: 3 – 9 pm Fridays: 3 – 10 pm, Saturdays: 5 – 10 pm 355 N 300 W . . 539-8800 x14

To get your not-forprofit organization listed OR TO MAKE

A Cabaret Confection “Fales knows how to sell it!”

—New York Times

En route to New York City after sold-out runs in San Francisco and San Diego!

Proceeds benefit the Utah Pride Center TWO SHOWS ONLY! Sat., March 29 8PM (post-show reception included)

CORRECTIONS OR

Sun., March 20 7PM (special fireside version)

CHANGES, please

Rose Wagner Performing Arts Ctr Black Box Theatre 138 W. 300 S. Salt Lake City (801)355-ARTS or www.arttix.org www.mormonboy.com

email editor@ qsaltlake.com.

M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8  I S S U E 9 9  Q S A LT L A K E  2 7

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SUBSCRIBE BY APRIL 30 AND GET 1 YEAR (26 ISSUES) FOR JUST $19.95

EVENTS THIS MONTH AT THE

MAR 27 4a Youth Case Managment 5p Transgender Youth Group 6p Utah Bear Alliance 7p Empowerment Workshop - Coping Strategies MAR 28 7p Latina Lesbianas Unidas 7p Game Night 7p Alliance of Gay and Straights for Civil Justice 8p Twelve Step: Stonewall Group MAR 29 2p Queers in Action 6p Twelve Step: Free to be Me 6:30p One Voice Saturday Night Out 7p Center Stage Live! Featuring Bronwen Beecher 7:30p Crystal Meth Anonymous MAR 30 10a Friends of Thelma & Louise Coffee Group 3p Sceening for Dottieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Magic Pockets 3p Twelve Step: GLBT AA MAR 31 8p Twelve Step: Gay Menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s AA MAR 1 6p The Big Big Event 7p Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Support Group 8p Twelve Step: Live & Let Live MAR 2 12p Menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Sack Lunch 6p Utah Pride Festival Planning Committee 7:30p Twelve Step: Sober Today MAR 3 4p Free HIV Testing 4p Youth Case Managment 5p Parents of Transgender Youth Group 5p Transgender Youth Group 6:30p Transgender Adult Support Group 7p Empowerment Workshop - Coping Strategies MAR 4 6p Wise Fitness 6:30p Utah Polyamory Society Meeting Utah 7p SOARS: Story Of A Rape Survivor 7p Alliance of Gay and Straights for Civil Justice 8p Twelve Step: Stonewall Group MAR 5 2p Queers in Action 6p Twelve Step: Free to be Me 7:30p Crystal Meth Anonymous MAR 6 10a Friends of Thelma & Louise Coffee Group 1p Neighborhood Potluck 3p Twelve Step: GLBT AA 7p GoodTimes Bowling League Awards Banquet MAR 7 6:30p DiverseCity Writing Group 8p Twelve Step: Gay Menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s AA MAR 8 4p Public Safety Meeting 7p PFLAG - Transgender Youth 7:30p Menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Support Group 8p Twelve Step: Live & Let Live MAR 9 12p Menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Sack Lunch 5p HIV Testing 6p Utah Pride Festival Steering Comm. Meeting 7:30p Twelve Step: Sober Today MAR 10 4p Youth Case Managment 5p Transgender Youth Group 7p Empowerment Workshop - Coping Strategies 7p Bisexual Community Forum

Q Horoscopes

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ARIES (MAR 21–APR 20) What is it that makes you so charismatic and such a social magnet now? With Sun in your own sign, it is your best time of year.

Prepare for future success, proud Ram. Begin by fielding a few great ideas, expanding your sphere of influence and meeting new influential folks.

Press and impress when and where you can. You never know what and who will sprout. How?

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TAURUS (APR 21–MAY 21) Explore all that is hidden and secret when Sun sits in Aries. There are gems hidden in the rubble that serve you well in the future. Conquer through careful examination. It is also a good time to do charitable works and build up your good karma points for future use. Go with your gut. Queer Bulls are especially intuitive now and get to the bottom of things. Ahem.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 23–DEC 22) Fun is the name of the game this week.

Lucky gay Archers find that they are in the epicenter of the party wherever they go.

In fact, they really ARE the party. So what are your ultimate plans? Will you dissipate your best ideas on nonsense and frivolous games or will you muster your creativity and create a personal masterpiece? Sigh, let’s guess....

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CAPRICORN (DEC 23–JAN 20) If you are surveying your general surroundings with an eye towards improvement, this is a good time to do so. Pink Caps need to see what they need to do to make their personal space more comfortable and inviting.

And speaking about inviting, how about arranging some home based tete a tetes with family and friends. Show them your stuff ... and then some.

AQUEERIUS (JAN 21–FEB 19) Aqueerians are usually full of opinion. Let your best ideas float into the atmosphere while Sun lolls in Aries. It seems that you are filled with the usual utopian dreams but they do appear now to have a bit of gravitas, practicality and possibility. Speak your mind and fellow followers will listen... and follow. Where will you lead them? Uh oh. Please don’t run for president.

PISCES (FEB 20–MAR 20) Although you are not the most practical of folks,when Sun enters Aries you suddenly become a mogul with moxie. Do your fiscal research and ask the right advisors before you make your big move. Then buy and sell with calculated risk and a clear financial strategy. And you can even just save some stray pennies for a rainy day. Oh, do I feel a drop...?

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GEMINI (MAY 22–JUM 21) What is it about friends that has your social schedule in a whirl? I don’t know but expect this week to be one crazy fun thing after another. You enjoy all types of companionship and make a few new pals as the week wears on.

Enjoy the camaraderie while you can pink Twin.

Before you know it you will be back to burning the midnight oil at work. Oh goodie.

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CANCER (JUN 22–JUL 23) All your hard work will not be in vain, gay Crab. Now, as Sun moves into Aries, you cash in on the all the accolades and (hopefully) the bonuses. But don’t rest on your reputation, tempting as it might be. This week heralds in a time of increased energy and application. Get further ahead of the corporate game. Stop when you reach the top. Add a cherry.

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LEO (JUL 24–AUG 23) It is a good time to get out there and see the world. Not only will there be opportunities to travel, you might also find an interesting travel mate to share the load. Plan a great getaway when Sun enters Aries, especially something adventuresome and rugged. If time or money are tight, find rugged adventure closer to home. Anyone we know?

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VIRGO (AUG 24–SEP 23) Queer Virgins are ready for anything and anyone. What is it that makes you so sexy now? Don’t ask why. Just use this fleeting time to make the right love connections. Those who are on the prowl for new romance find that they have more animal magnetism than usual. Will you decide to attract or repel? It is up to you. Just avoid the general static.

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SCORPIO (OCT 24–NOV 22) Get back to work Proud Scorp. Sun in Aries makes you much more efficient than usual and in a high energy mode. Not only can you tackle any onerous job, you do it in a zesty and forceful way. At this rate, you can soon rule the cubicle set. Don’t be lazy. There will be time to kick back and relax next week. For now, continue to run in the rat race..

An anagram is a word or phrase that can be made using the letters from another word or phrase. Rearrange the letters below to answer:

Where the Lesbianest Sports Event in the World is Held — the Dinah Shore Golf Tournament.

Gnarls Pimps ____ _______ PUZZLE ANSWERS ON PAGE 34

ALL “FAMILY” WELCOME

3737 South State Street

en’s m o W iere embers m e r e’s P ears for M k Y a b u L 4 l Saltrivate Cr Over 1 fo P

Salt Lake City www.thepapermoon.info myspace.com/thepapermoon 801-713-0678 Open: Tuesday–Friday 3pm–1am Saturday 6pm–1am Sunday 3pm–1am Closed Mondays

Friday, March 28

WEEKLY LINEUP SASSY SUNDAYS

Washington or Bust!

Fundraiser hosted by Parker Here

MONDAYS

Friday, April 4

L-Word at 7pm Free Pool all day $1 Drafts, $2 Bloody Marys

Closed for Employee Sanity

TUNES-DAYS

Karaoke at 8pm — Biggest Selection in Town! $1 Drafts

WILD WEDNESDAYS All Request All Night with DJ Rach Free Pool All Day $1 Drafts, $2 Shots

THIRSTY THURSDAYS

Country 8–10pm Sassy Kitty’s Karaoke 10pm Come and Prrrr with the best $1 Drafts

Terry Fairy Show Friday, April 11

Rape Awareness Show By the Salt City Kings Friday, April 18

14th Annual Dykes in Drag

FREAKIN’ FRIDAYS

Butchest Lesbians Dressing Like the Most Feminine Women

SEXY SATURDAYS

Friday, April 25

Poles ... Cages ... Dancing All Night with DJ Rach

Best Damn Party in Town CRUISE WITH THE MOON! First Annual Paper Moon Cruise June 9–13 www.papermoonvacations.com CLICK ON “GROUPS”

RCGSE Fundraiser

By Kim Russo A private club for members

M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8  I S S U E 9 9  Q S A LT L A K E  2 9

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LIBRA (SEP 24–OCT 23) Relationships take precedence over work this week. It’s about time proud Libra. You find that life is happier with someone to share it with. So make the most of the partnership you have or set out to find your true soulmate. Sun in Aries makes you sizzly and attractive. Hurry before the cosmos shifts and you go back to being just another troll.

Anagram

3 0  Q S A LT L A K E  I S S U E 9 9  M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8

MARCH 28–29

UTAH BEAR ALLIANCE 2008

MR. UTAH BEAR & CUB CONTEST

FRIDAY – BEAR JAM MEET & GREET SATURDAY – CONTEST Arrive early as space is limited!

CLUB

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Q Puzzle

The State of Gay Politics

13 Ann Heron’s One Teenager in ___ 21 Star quality 22 Cartoon squeal 26 Almost the color purple 27 Muse for Millay 28 Disney duck 29 Airline to the land of the cut 30 Home near polar bears, perhaps 31 Foreman of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force 33 Enjoy orally 34 New York state senator Tom 35 Movie about Kahlo 36 Nuts and bolts 37 They aren’t straight 40 Bashed 42 Meat substitute 43 Top target 45 Murder, ___ Meowed 48 PC drive insert 49 Rock Hudson’s Gun Fury, for one 50 Role of Caroline Rhea on Sabrina 51 Line of Rupert Everett 52 Orients a certain way 54 Garfield’s whipping boy 55 Take a trolley that goes “Clang, clang, clang,” e.g.

56 Without a date 57 Where to have cybersex 58 Preposition that goes either way 59 Khan’s title

Cryptogram A Cryptogram is a puzzle where one letter in the puzzle is substituted with another.

For example: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! Has the solution: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! In the above example Es are all replaced by Cs. The puzzle is solved by recognizing letter patterns in words and successively substituting letters until the solution is reached.

This week’s hint: F = A Theme: A seasonal quote by Lord Tennyson.

Wc dum ybswcj f kpncj qfc’y gfclk twjudtk dnscy dp dupnjudy pg tpom. __ ___ ______ _ _____ ___’_ _____ _______ _____ __ ________ __ ____.

M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8  I S S U E 9 9  Q S A LT L A K E  31

45 Matching notes for Rorem?

46 Bear market opposites Gay, lesbian state politicians 47 Like a splendid fruit?

49 Coll. of Phil Andros Across 1 Loafer bottoms 50 Heather ___ Two 6 Cole Porter’s “Well, Mommies Did You ___” 53 Lesbian New York 10 Hairspray list Assembly member 14 Member of sexual 57 Rupert Everett’s congress?

Ready to ___ 15 Warrior Princess 60 Cut 16 Put in a position?

61 Streisand’s Prince of 17 Material for nice Tides costar stones 62 It comes before sum 18 At once, to Byron 63 Staffer to 53-Across 19 Club for Sheehan 64 Give a large bosom, 20 Lesbian California e.g. state senator 65 Supporter of Julia 23 Madonna’s pair Morgan?

24 Dottermans of 66 Not even once, to Antonia’s Line Whitman 25 “My lips are ___” 67 Love objects 29 Announcement from Down the cockpit 1 Where to find Uranus 30 Welcome response after an S/M session 2 Instrument of the Phantom of the Opera 32 Land of singer S.

3 People in flaming O’Connor pants?

33 Gay Vermont state

4 Outside opening? senator

5 Like a pirate insignia 37 What there oughta be 6 Digital-rectal and such 38 Like phone sex 39 Short-order sandwich 7 Caesar’s post-orgasm cry? for porkers?

8 A wink’s partner 40 Like an ACT UP 9 Sticks it out protester 41 Some falcon feathers 10 Cups and such 42 Gay Utah state senator 11 Earhart’s medium 44 And, to Rohm 12 Sign of a Broadway hit

32  Q S A LT L A K E  I S S U E 9 9  M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8

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nice yard. Located in

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dos when you can build

-or Chrisie at 801-532-7457 or 801-450-0757. More info

itol). Why settle for

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Rob Darke, 558-8406.

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FOR RENT FOR RENT ADS are just $10 per issue. Call 649-6663 to get yours in the next issue.

3

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PUZZLE SOLUTIONS

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3

HELP WANTED ALL KINDS of jobs a v a i l a b l e . Te m p , temp to hire. Immediate need. All pay ranges. Contact Steve Whittaker 801-463-4828.

9 1 8 5 3 9 2 7 9 6 1 3 8 5 1 4 2 7 9 5 1 3 1

ACCOUNTANTS

Heart-Song & Erickson

A Bookkeeping, Payroll & Tax Service

(formerly Heart-Song Enterprises, Inc.)

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ATTORNEYS

CUTE FEMALE Yorkie Pup for sale. Parents are champions from known kennels.Healthy, lots of wrinkles, big head and big chest. A guarantee of health.

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LOOK GOOD in a Swim Suit! Shed those extra pounds with Steven Walker, NASM certified personal trainer at 6881918 or PMKirt234@yahoo.com. Call for your free consultation.

QSaltLake Classifieds Work and they are Affordable.

ELECTRICIANS

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PETS FOR SALE CUTE FEMALE Yorkie Puppy for sale. She is good with kids and all other animal as well,She is so sweet, playful and smart! she likes to cuddle and is soft you won’t want to let her go. Healthy,A guarantee of health.

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PERSONAL TRAINING

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BUSINESS PRINTING

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PUBLISHER OF QSALTLAKE

LIKE A GOOD NEIGHBOR, STATE FARM IS THERE®

Providing Insurance and Financial Services

COUNSELING

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AMEX/VISA/MC/DISCOVER, PAYPAL AT QSALTLAKE.COM Classifieds continue p. 34

ADVERTISE IN THE QSALTLAKE SERVICE GUIDE for as little as $250 for a year or $175 for six months.

Call 801-649-6663 today.

M A R C H 2 7, 2 0 0 8  I S S U E 9 9  Q S A LT L A K E  3 3

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HEART of MARMALADE. 2-story conventional style single family 3 bed 2 ba home built in 1876 is ~2136 sq ft.

Den/Office, Formal Dining. 326 Almond St, $279,999. 888-549-4517

SUGARHOUSE. Desirable location. 2567 sq ft w/ finished basement.

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W. Fern (720 North).

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hLake City — near downttown. $679,000, call Jim

Dining, Laundry. 222

ROOMMATES

FEMALE ROOMMATE Wanted! Lesbian to live with 2 liberal females.

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The Bi Girlâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Dilemma

by Joseph Dewey joseph@qsaltlake.com

A few years ago, when women told me they were bi, I quickly asked, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Would you ever kiss a girl if your boyfriend wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t present?â&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;Would you ever go down on a woman?â&#x20AC;?

Unless both answers were yes, I would say â&#x20AC;&#x153;If you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t like licking pussy, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re probably not bi.â&#x20AC;? Those are still fun things to say, but today Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m more likely to accept at face value someoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s declared sexual orientation.

After my attitude started to change, a female friend told me, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m bi. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m more attracted to women, but havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t had many experiences with women.â&#x20AC;?

I pondered her dilemma. Probably a lot of bi girls have this predicament. I was determined to help, but didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know how.

So I did what I always do whenever I have a question I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have an answer for. I went to amazon. The bisexual book I bought is still shelved, and I worried that bisexual women everywhere needed advice faster than I was going to finish reading. Then I did the other thing I do when I have questions, and thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s to ask a bunch of people. I asked bi women a lot of questions.

First, I found cool coming out stories. Here are a couple snippets: â&#x20AC;˘ I was attracted to women in junior high, and itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s grown stronger over the years; â&#x20AC;˘ I want to embrace it, but I buried it for many years; â&#x20AC;˘ I feared rejection at the time, and thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s why I remained in the closet; â&#x20AC;˘ I was attracted to women since 7th grade even though I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t realize it at the time; â&#x20AC;˘ I officially came out when I was about 30.

Coming out stories are always fascinating. I enjoyed hearing the real emotion of coming to terms with bisexual orientation.

I got some good advice for my friend, too: â&#x20AC;˘ I flirt with people all the time without even realizing it. Sometimes I catch myself and wonder if the girl Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m flirting with even knows sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s returning the favor; â&#x20AC;˘ Remember that straight people have a hard time meeting people, too; â&#x20AC;˘ Girls are flattered 90 percent of the time if another girl walks up to them and says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hey, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re hot! Can I buy you a drink?â&#x20AC;?; â&#x20AC;˘ Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m very upfront about being bi; â&#x20AC;˘ Let it come naturally. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t push the issue; PUZZLE SOLUTIONS

A cool theme came up with the women I talked to, about loving everyone. People said: â&#x20AC;˘ I hate labeling myself as bi because itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not a matter of sex to me. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a lover of people; â&#x20AC;˘ Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t let people say you have to like one or the other. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just not true; â&#x20AC;˘ Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m all about love regardless of gender; â&#x20AC;˘ Your soul mate may be someone you least expect.

And a few other interesting things I heard were: â&#x20AC;˘ Guys, please respect my orientation. Just because I like both genders does not mean I want to be fucked in the ass; â&#x20AC;˘ Men and women attract me differently. I prefer men with darker hair and with women I love blondes; â&#x20AC;˘ I have girlfriends Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d be dying to sleep with, but monogamy is monogamy, so I stay with my man.

Each person was different, each having complex and interesting stories.

Also, I did a very unofficial census, by counting peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Myspace profiles in Salt Lake, and found these rankings: #1, Bi women, 3685 people #2, Gay men, 2597 people #3, Lesbian women, 1411 people #4, Bi men, 956 people #5, Transgender people, missing a Myspace category This means we should definitely include bi women more. I was at a lesbian charity auction, and the auctioneer was holding up a beautifully decorated bra, starting it at ten dollars. No one bid during the painful silence. I almost bid to put that bra out of its misery, but I had no cash, plus I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have a bra fetish. And, even if I did, I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t look my lesbian friends in the eyes after doing whatever bra fetishists do with lesbian bras. So I stayed quiet, the silence lasting minutes before someone finally placed the only bid, winning at ten bucks.

If there had been a few more bi women in the audience, that bra would have easily sold for a hundred dollars.

Also, every bi woman I know is going to vote for gay rights, which might be the most important issue facing our country. If all bi women voted, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d have thousands more supporting equality.

Women, if you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have a bi friend then make one. Start inviting her to go with you to the voting booths and the lesbian charity auctions.

Oh, and invite her to go down on you, too.â&#x20AC;&#x201A; Q

Cryptogram: In the spring a young manâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.

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Q Sex

â&#x20AC;˘ Having gay male friends has helped me a lot; â&#x20AC;˘ Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be a lazy ass. Get out of your house so you can meet people; â&#x20AC;˘ Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve complimented cute girls near fitting rooms in stores, and if I do it long enough, I either get a number or get kicked out of the store; â&#x20AC;˘ Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m open about what I havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t done yet.

Anagram: Palm Springs

Classifieds Continued from p. 33

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