QSaltLake Magazine - April 30, 2009

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Utah LGBT Health Fair 2009 Free information about health issues faced by the LGBT community

Saturday, May 16 11 a.m. to 2 p.m.

Huntsman Cancer Institute 2000 Circle of Hope (east of University of Utah Hospital)

For more information, call

1-888-424-2100

ROOTED IN YOUR COMMUNITY, HARVESTED FOR YOUR TABLE Community Supported Agriculture connects local community members to locally-grown food.

Support local farmers and find out where your food comes from in Utah by becoming a shareholder in your local farm.

In This Issue ISSUE 127 • APRIL 30, 2009

Cover

5-Year Anniversary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4 Fabby Awards . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22

SPONSORED BY THE GREAT SALT LAKE RC&D COUNCIL, INC.

Gay Agenda . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30 Dining Guide . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .35

News

World. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6 Quips & Quotes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6 Local . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8 Qmmunity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8

Views

Crossword Puzzle. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44 Comics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44 Cryptogram. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44 Qdoku . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38

Queer Gnosis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15 Snaps & Slaps . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16 Ruby Ridge . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .18 Creep of the Week . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 Lambda Lore. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 Gay Geeks. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21

Staff Box

Anagram . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38 Petunia Pap-Smear . . . . . . . . . . . . .47 Puzzle Answers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .47 The Back Page . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48 tel: 801-649-6663 toll-free: 1-800-806-7357 for general information:

info@qsaltlake.com

publisher/editor

for editorial queries:

Michael Aaron

editor@qsaltlake.com

assistant editor

JoSelle Vanderhooft

postmaster:

arts & entertainment editor

please send change of addresses to 1055 e 2100 S Ste 206 SLC UT 84106

Tony Hobday

QSaltLake is a trademark of salt lick publishing, llc.

graphic designer

Christian Allred contributors

Lynn Beltran Brad Di Iorio Ruth Hackford-Peer Ryan Shattuck Troy Williams Chef Bryan Woolley

Joseph Dewey Anthony Paull Ruby Ridge Ben Williams Rex Wockner Petunia Pap-Smear

contributing photographers

David Daniels Laurie kaufman

Brian Gordon David Newkirk

sales manager

Brad Di Iorio office manager

Tony Hobday distribution

For more information go to: www.csautah.org or phone (801) 524-4254

A&E

Brad Di Iorio Shannon Bywater Gary Horenkamp Brandon Hurst

Copyright © 2009, Salt Lick Publishing LLC. all rights reserved. No material may be reprinted or reproduced without written permission from the publisher. Copies of QSaltLake are distributed free of charge in 200 locations across Utah and in idaho and Nevada. Free copies are limited to one per person. For additional copies, contact us at 801-649-6663. it is a crime to destroy, throw away current issues or otherwise interfere with the distribution of this newsmagazine. Publication of the name or photograph of any individual or organization in articles or advertising in QSaltLake is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons.

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2 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 127 | A pril 30, 20 09

A pril 30, 20 09 | issue 127 | QSa lt L a k e | 3

together. Laurie Mecham sent her column in and I was flabbergasted at how perfect it was. Then the first Ruby Ridge came in. I read it and had to sit down. It was hilarious, bitchy, poignant and topical. I passed it around the office and everyone there knew this newspaper was destined for big things.

And then it was here. The first issue rolled off the press in Preston, Idaho on the night of April 28. It was real — we could touch it and everything!

Chad had gotten the news stations of every major network to announce the paper. I hopped from studio to studio

by Michael Aaron to tape interviews. KUTV asked me to come in the next morning to do a threeminute interview live.

Then off to Hotel Monaco we went to tent publication using printouts of what ive years ago on A pril 29 , hundreds of Utahns packed into it would look like. They had two months set up the party. We filled the tubs with two of Hotel Monaco’s combined to raise enough cash to make the first beer and set up a bar in one of the bedsuites for the introduction of a issue happen. They did it in six weeks rooms. People began pouring in and we new newspaper — Salt Lake Metro. To and had enough contracts signed to keep were over capacity in the first half hour. many it was the first they knew of the us going for about six more months. It We started a line in the lobby and invitnewest offering to Utah’s gay, lesbian, appears there was a hunger for access ed people up as guests left. Then-mayor Rocky Anderson, half of the KUTV News bisexual and transgender community, to this community.

I approached Brandon Burt to join us personalities, leaders of most of the gay but to those of us behind the scenes, it was the culmination of six months of as editor. I’d known him since he was 17, organizations in town and hundreds of though we’d been estranged for a num- others showed up. hard work.

We’d arranged a cleaning crew the That was 1,826 days ago, 127 issues ago. ber of years since then, and knew he was It started when I was trying to figure going to be the right choice. I considered next morning at 9:00 a.m. (and needed it — oh ... my ... gawd out two things: What would I do with no others. was the place a mess), We plastered the my life after being laid off from a lucraand I got there at tive ad agency position a week after the University of Utah’s 8:30 to find the place Twin Towers fell, and what was I going C o m m u n i c a t i o n s Over the past five years, almost completely to do in the fight against Utah’s Amend- Department buildwe have printed: cleaned by two of the ing with flyers seekment 3. hotel’s housekeeping I’d had several people tell me they ing writers. We drew pages staff. Feeling horwould be interested in a business part- five news writers, rible, I ran down to nership of some type, and I began look- including one JoSelle copies the ATM across the ing at the possibility of opening a gay Vanderhooft, who has street and got them retail store, a Hamburger Mary’s restau- written for every issue words $40 each. rant, or possibly even buying Club Blue. we have published.

I approached a few While they all had one thing in common Growth Issues — très gay — I couldn’t see myself main- people to join as colSix months in, Brandon took a position taining any of them long-term. And none umnists and each agreed. Ben Williams at City Weekly and we brought in Jere solved my need to contribute to the com- came on as historian — something I be- Keys, who was the editor of QVegas believe our community desperately needs. fore deciding to move home. munity in quite the way I wanted.

Having started two newspapers in the Laurie Mecham came on as a sharpAs the first two years progressed, the ’80s and ’90s, it made sense to me to help tongued lesbian with a sense of humor. average issue income never grew bebolster the news offering we had here But Brandon and I knew we needed yond what it made that first issue. We to better inform the community of the something more light-hearted and gos- could not sustain the staff we’d hired issues of the day. I approached Pillar sipy. Something drag queeny, but smart at that rate, and we began cutting back. editor Todd Dayley with the possibility and topical. Brandon said we needed a Jere left to run the Utah Pride Festival of helping them do a dynamic Web site, drag queen with a brain. I immediately and I took over as editor. I then took making it timely and available to more pulled my phone out of my pocket and over all design of the paper, including people. After months of no response, called Don Steward, aka Ruby Ridge. all ads. I was now doing what amounted I decided he wasn’t interested in any And got his voicemail. I spelled it all to three full-time jobs, and the stress was kind of partnership and I put feelers out out — the vision of the paper, the idea taking its toll. on the possibility of creating my own of the column and how he was perfect Tension between me and Peterson paper. None of the potential business for it. He called back with a resounding was also building, as I blamed him for partners were interested in being part “yes.” I wasn’t even sure he knew how the lack of growth. I felt he was working of a newspaper, since it wasn’t a sure to write, but I knew he was brazen, witty 10 hours a week on the paper to my 60. It and smart. I just hoped that would trans- was obvious he wasn’t interested in us money-maker. late to words on paper.

Enter Steven Petersen. succeeding. I tried on several occasions Chad Keller approached us to become to talk him into walking, but he refused, Off to the Races involved, yet I could not figure where to even after telling others it was what he Petersen published the Little Lavender put him. Through his own volition, he wanted. I tried to take over the paper Book, a directory of gay and gay-friendly started putting together all of our distri- and Peterson brought in a lawyer. I sat businesses. He had the basic ingredients bution points — 232 places right off the in my office through the night and made I would have needed in a business partbat. He also started working on events, the decision to walk once the current isner to help gather cash for: an office, a including our inaugural party and booth sue was at the press. large-format printer, a graphic designer at the Utah Pride Festival.

I called each and every writer and and a salesperson, a phone system. Wow talked with our office manager, Tony The Big Day — a ready-made business!

We drew up a partnership and were Articles started pouring in and every Hobday, spelling out to each my decioff to the races. We hired two salespeople last one of them was good. Some even sion, and why I had made it. I asked who had the task of selling a non-exis- great. I was in disbelief. It was coming them to join me. They all did, including Tony, who wanted to stay on for a few

From the Editor

Five Years

F

4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 127 | A pril 30, 20 09

The numbers:

5,344 768,000 4,275,200

more issues to help Peterson through the transition.

I packed up all of the computers and other office equipment I had personally purchased and made a midnight move.

I then had to find advertisers to make my paper feasible. I pulled back to 28 pages and a run of 5,000 and ran the paper out of my house to drastically cut costs, as I had poured nearly my entire retirement savings and had maxed out all of my credit cards to keep Metro afloat.

Advertisers came on — many of whom had pulled from Metro because of disagreements with Peterson. We published the first issue under the QSaltLake banner (after a discussion with QVegas to make sure I didn’t piss them off — they were extremely positive about the change, btw.) two weeks after I left Metro ... on the same schedule we would have printed if nothing had happened.

People were impressed. Hell, I was impressed. Metro printed three more issues on a sporadic schedule and fizzled out.

Tony rejoined me as we put out our third issue, and he, JoSelle and I crammed into a small room in the back of my house, sharing two desks. We worked that way, through several locations in the house, for two years before finally being in the position to move back into an office.

Today And here we sit today, growing in a bad economy, expanding our distribution to over 8,000 copies to a growing number of locations. Brad Di Iorio joined us as sales manager a year ago after leaving Los Angeles’ Frontiers Magazine for the slopes of Park City. Christian Allred now comes in part-time as graphic designer.

We are in a newly-remodeled Sugar House office, each in our own office, complete with a foosball conference table (that we need to play more). We have purchased another huge batch of newspaper racks that you should begin seeing in a growing number of places over the next several weeks. We are printing between 40 and 52 pages per issue, most of which are color.

We just published our third edition of our gay and lesbian yellow pages, TheQPages. While the pages may feel smaller, we actually experienced an 18 percent growth with the issue. To help make the directory profitable we decided to use a slightly thinner paper and printed the entire year’s run once, rather than two 6-month editions.

So, as long as Utah Pride doesn’t name us “Organization of the Year” (no publication so honored has survived to the following year’s Pride), we are operating full-speed-ahead, damn-the-torpedoes, full-throttle and a bunch of other clichés towards a bright future. (As I type this, I’m rapping my knuckles on my head, yelling, “Knock on wood.”)

Many, many thanks to the columnists, writers, advertisers and you — our readers — for helping to make our fifth year milestone.

Just so you know, the gift for a fifth anniversary is wood. Q

Hosted by Bill Allred & Doug Fabrizio with Special Guest Terry Wood May 30, 2009 | ONE NIGHT ONLY Jeanne Wagner Theatre @ the Rose What better way to mark the sixth year of SLAM and the seventh year of AND THE BANNED PLAYED ON than by combining them into one event? Utah's only fundraiserfeaturing-five -10-minute -plays created-in-24-hours-celebratingthe-First-Amendment. Cash Bar. Food by Caliâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Natural Foods. planbtheatre.org or 801.355.ARTS

‘Dr. Laura’ Sings a New Tune

Q World

BY REX WOCKNER

“Dr. Laura” Schlessinger is now in support of same-sex unions as long as they’re not called “marriage.”

Speaking to CNN’s Larry King on April 8, she said: “I am very big on human beings finding love, attachment and commitment and being faithful to it, because there’s more to benefit when there is real true commitment and faithfulness to it. I still believe ... that marriage is a sacrament between a man and a woman. So not calling it marriage works for me. But that two people would have that sort of commitment to me is very healthy and very positive thing in their lives and society as a whole. ...

That’s [same-sex relationships] a beautiful thing and a healthy thing.”

In 2000, gays campaigned relentlessly against Schlessinger’s radio and TV shows, convincing some 150 advertisers to bail from the programs. They quoted Schlessinger as having called gays a “biological error.”

The campaign ended in January 2001, with StopDrLaura.com co-organizer John Aravosis saying: “Dr. Laura TV has been banished to the wee morning hours ... and she can get few advertisers any better than that lady with the tarot cards. Face it, folks, we all came together and we stopped Dr. Laura.”

N.Y. Governor Paterson Introduces Bill to Legalize Same-sex Marriage

New York Gov. David Paterson introduced a bill in the state Legislature on April 16 to legalize same-sex marriage.

“We have a crisis of leadership today,” Paterson said.

“We’re going to fill that vacuum today. (G)ay and lesbian New Yorkers ... have been the victims of what is a legal system that has systematically discriminated against them.”

“For too long, the gay and lesbian community have been told that their rights and freedoms have to wait,” he said. “The time has come to act.”

The bill should pass the Assembly easily, as it did in 2007, but its prospects in the Senate remain uncertain.

New Yorkers, New Hampshirites Support Gay Marriage Fifty-three percent of New York state residents support legalization of samesex marriage and 39 percent oppose it, according to a Siena Research poll.

The strongest support comes from women, Democrats, independent voters and young people. More opposed are older people, men, Republicans, Protestants, Latinos and blacks.

The poll quizzed 682 voters and had an error margin of plus or minus 3.8 percentage points.

A poll released April 28 by New Hampshire Freedom to Marry shows that 55 percent of New Hampshire voters support marriage for lesbian and gay couples, while 39 percent are opposed.

“New Hampshire has a live and let live attitude. These strong numbers in support of marriage equality are not surprising,” said Mo Baxley, executive director of Freedom To Marry.

House Bill 436, which would recognize marriage equality for lesbian and gay couples under New Hampshire law, passed the House of Representatives last month and is pending in the state Senate.

Last week, a Senate committee voted 23 against the bill. A vote by the full Senate is expected on Wednesday.

Same-sex marriage is legal in Connecticut, Massachusetts, Iowa and (starting Sept. 1) Vermont. New York state already recognizes the marriages of same-sex couples who marry elsewhere.

Hyatt Boycott Expanded

The nearly yearlong gay boycott of San Diego’s Manchester Grand Hyatt hotel was expanded April 14 when a coalition of activists protested outside Hyatt’s Andaz West Hollywood hotel.

The San Diego property, owned by businessman Doug Manchester and operated by Hyatt, was targeted after Manchester gave $125,000 to the campaign that resulted in California’s re-banning of same-sex marriage last November.

The activists who gathered at the West Hollywood hotel said they hoped their move would increase pressure on Global Hyatt Corp. to deal with the “hypocrisy” of being a gay-friendly corporation that also is in business with Manchester.

“The coalition is not calling for a boycott of the Andaz Hotel, but pledges to hold the Andaz and its owner and operator, The Hyatt Corporation, accountable for their relationship to Manchester,” the group said in a statement.

The group included veteran activist Cleve Jones, Courage Campaign Chair Rick Jacobs, West Hollywood City Councilman John Duran, Los Angeles Stonewall Democrats President John Cleary, UNITE HERE Local 11 President Tom Walsh, and Lisa Powell of Organizing with America.

6 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 127 | A pril 30, 20 09

‘All But Marriage’ Law Passes in Washington State

In a 62-35 vote, Washington’s House of Representatives passed a bill April 15 beefing up the state’s domestic-partnership law so it grants registered same-sex couples every state-level right and obligation of marriage. The measure had passed the Senate 30-18 in March.

Gov. Chris Gregoire intends to sign the bill into law. “We have to respect and protect all of the families that make up our communities,” she said.

At present, Massachusetts, Iowa and Connecticut permit gay and lesbian couples to marry and New York recognizes gay marriages entered into elsewhere.

Same-sex marriage becomes legal in Vermont on Sept. 1.

Eight states and the District of Columbia legally recognize same-sex couples but do not let them marry. California, New Hampshire, New Jersey, Oregon, Vermont and D.C. extend all state-level rights and obligations of marriage to gay couples who enter into a civil union or domestic partnership. Maine, Washington and Hawaii grant registered gay couples some benefits of marriage.

Same-sex marriage also is legal in Belgium, Canada, the Netherlands, Norway, South Africa, Spain and Sweden (starting May 1).

Quips & Quotes ❝❝

Buttars wants all married couples to consist of a woman and a man.

I’m in complete favor of women and men marrying one another. Really, it’s a great idea. Where we get into trouble is when we act better than everyone else and certain that God likes the way we do things but not the way other folks do.”

—Salt Lake Tribune columnist Barb Guy

❝❝

Time does not permit me to ferret out which Utah high schools have GSA clubs and which Utah high schools intend to permit the Day of Silence observance. What you as parents can do is to keep your kids out of any such schools on April 17th.”

—“Utah expatriate” blogger “Desert Dawg” to Voice of Deseret.

❝❝

Apparently, some poor lady’s “freedom” to control who can marry whom is being taken away. They’re such victims, aren’t they?

Poor victims.”

—City Weekly blogger Brandon Burt on the (oft-parodied) anti-gay marriage ad “Gathering Storm” by the National Organization for Marriage.

❝❝

A lot of people gave the issue more scrutiny after it became the topic of the week [and started seeing it] in human terms.”

—Gov. Jon Huntsman, Jr. talking to New York Times columnist Frank Rich about the aftermath of his announcement he supports civil unions.

❝❝

Right now, there’s just one thing interesting about him, that he’s a Utah LDS governor who seems to be leaning in the liberal direction on marriage issues.”

—National Organization for Marriage President Robert George accusing Huntsman of supporting civil unions to further his presidential ambitions in the Deseret News.

❝❝

The governor doesn’t take a position in an effort to gain attention. He takes a position because he feels it’s the best public policy and the right thing to do.”

—Huntsman spokeswoman Lisa Roskelley refuting George’s accusation in the same article.

by Rex Wockner

Rex Wockner: Clearly, nobody would ever get up there (at the Miss USA pageant) and say, “I don’t think black people should be able to marry white people” or something like that. Or nobody would get up there and say something sexist.

And people are wondering if maybe we’ve gotten to a moment in American culture where you can’t really say something that’s interpreted as anti-gay anymore, like you might have been able to five years ago. Do you think maybe that’s what could have happened, or, if not, what do you think happened in Vegas that led to all this media stuff?

Carrie Prejean: I think the key thing is tolerance, and I think Perez Hilton had, obviously, a hidden agenda because of the reaction immediately after the pageant. He didn’t agree with what I said, therefore he wanted to go out there and bash me and say things that were very hurtful. So, I think that this wouldn’t be happening right now had he not have done that. So, it would have just been me saying my own opinions, which I’m entitled to, just as you are, and I think it would have been over with. But the fact that he went out there and attacked me, you know, verbally, that’s why this is all happening right now.

Rex: So, you think if you had just expressed your opinion that marriage is between a man and a woman, which 52 percent of the voters in California agree with you on that ...

Carrie: Right, I’m representing not only the state of California but the majority of people in our nation.

Rex: So, do you think the reason it became such a big news story is because he called you a bitch?

Carrie: Um, I think that because of his expression and his verbal attack on me immediately after the pageant — I mean, he didn’t even wait one day to do this attack — so I do think there was a hidden agenda there.

Rex: I saw on his blog that he wants to have coffee with you. Is that something you would do?

Carrie: Um, I’m not sure if I would have coffee with him. If I did, I’d bring [the Rock Church Pastor] Miles [McPherson] with me.

Rex: If you had it to do all over again, would you do anything different at the microphone at the pageant?

Carrie: No, I wouldn’t do anything different. I think that I was entitled to my own opinion. He asked me, you know, how I feel about a certain subject and I gave him my honest opinion. So, no, I have no regrets.

Rex: Do you think that same-sex marriage is just a matter of time, that clearly society is evolving in that direction, and that we’re going to look back on these days as the way we look back on days when white and black people couldn’t get married to each other, or do you think it’s going to be a long fight to try to get Americans to accept that?

David Kendal

Interview with Miss California

Carrie: I definitely think it’s going to be a very long fight. As you can see in California, you know, we had already ruled that, you know, with Proposition 8, that was already discussed that marriage is between a man and a woman. We voted on it. Um, so, I think that it maybe will be a matter of time, but I don’t see that coming anytime soon.

Rex: And, I guess, last question: What would be so wrong with two women who love each other getting married?

Carrie: What would be so wrong with two women that love each other?

Rex: What would be so wrong with that? Yeah.

Carrie: What don’t you see wrong with that?

Rex: I don’t see anything wrong with it.

Carrie: Why? Rex: Uh, why don’t — oh, this is fun — why don’t I see anything wrong with it?

Uh, because they’re in love with each other, and they want to spend their lives together, and marriage is kind of the way that our society recognizes that two

—Continued on page 41

E T A D E H SAVE T Fifth Annual HRC Gala Dinner & Silent Auction June 20 in the Grand America Ballroom utah.hrc.org A pril 30, 20 09 | issue 127 | QSa lt L a k e | 7

Q mmunity

Q Utah

sWerve Scholarship

Town Hall Meeting Updates the Community

by Michael Aaron The All For One Initiative, founded by Jacob Whipple, held its second Town Hall Meeting April 22 in the Salt Lake County Council Chambers, drawing about 60 participants — mostly leaders of organizations.

Whipple opened the meeting and explained some of what the Initiative has done since the last meeting and why his focus has veered away from activities around the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for their involvement in the passage of California’s Proposition 8.

“Some people have asked me why I haven’t been more focused on the Mormon Church,” he said to the crowd. “My fight is not against the Mormon Church.

My fight is with the Utah voter and trying to get laws passed.”

“We can get more and more people on our side, and if anything comes to a vote again we can get more people on our side,” Whipple explained.

Marina Gomberg of the Utah Pride Center announced a new project of the center — Services & Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender Elders, more easily referred to as SAGE. “Now we can serve people from cradle to grave,” Gomberg said.

Gomberg also announced that this year’s Queer Prom, held April 18, was the most successful yet with 650 youth attending.

The Center will also host a two-day summit for people of color in the GLBT movement. “Our hope is to bridge gaps and create relationships that will hopefully help create change in our community,” Gomberg said.

Todd Hess of the Utah steering committee of the Human Rights Campaign told attendees that members flew to Washington, D.C. and met with legislative aids to Rep. Jim Matheson, who said he was committed to the gay and lesbian community and that he would sign on as a sponsor to the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act of 2009, as well as new versions of the Equal Nondiscrimination Act and a tax remedy bill that would benefit gay couples.

Hess said progress is being made in Washington, D.C. “We’re excited at that progress,” he said. “HRC is excited about the momentum being shown in congress through a fair-minded White House, a fair minded Congress.”

He stressed the importance of the hate crimes bill.

“If we fall short with the hate crimes bill we will fall on any other legislation we’re trying to get passed,” he explained.

Russ Gorringe of the Utah Pride Interfaith Coalition said the group held an in-

terfaith service in the Capitol during the legislative session.

He also noted that leaders of several churches have written letters in support of Equality Utah’s Common Ground and several churches have approached them about signing on for next year.

Lastly, Gorringe announced that the Utah Pride Interfaith Service will take place Saturday, June 6 at 2 p.m. at First United Methodist Church.

Huntsman Cancer Institute’s Richard Lestico announced a gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender health fair May 16 from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. in their outer plaza and invited interested groups to participate at a minimal cost of $11 to cover table rental.

The institute recently conducted a survey where they found an inordinate amount or wealthy white participants in their programs, but little diversity.

“We’re trying to change that,” Lestico said. “We are open to everyone. There is no discrimination. We are trying to support LGBT people and organizations.”

He also noted that no person would be denied cancer care at the institute (the fourth largest cancer center in the world) because of lack of insurance.

Parents and Friends of Gays and Lesbians Utah President Kathy Godwin announced they will be joining with their Southern Utah counterpart for a “peaceful presence” at a rally protesting LDS Church President Thomas S. Monson’s keynote speech at Southern Utah University’s graduation ceremonies on May 2.

She invited attendees to their monthly meetings, held on the second Tuesday of the month at the Utah Pride Center. She can be reached at slcpflag@gmail.com.

Queer Color — People of Color Network representative Andre Molette addressed the audience about continuing issues from which racial minorities in the community still feel alienated.

“We met in the summer months with [Equality Utah Field Coordinator] Lauren [Littlefield] on breaking down the Common Ground Initiative. I do not understand the Common Ground Initiative. We want to talk about the Common Ground Initiative.

He also announced a Cinco de Mayo event at the Utah Pride Center on May 5 and Asian Pacific Islander Month at the Salt Lake City Film Center.

He welcomed people to their weekly meetings, held Thursdays at the Utah Pride Center from 7:30 to 9 p.m. He can be reached at queercolor2@gmail.com ACLU Utah Development Director Anna Brower invited people to their Bill 8 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 127 | A pril 30, 20 09

of Rights Celebration featuring Rachel Maddow, openly lesbian host of MSNBC’s The Rachel Maddow Show. The event will be held May 16 and tickets are $100 ($250 VIP) through acluutah.org. The theme of the event is “An America We Can be Proud Of.” Bonnie Owens of TransAction Utah announced that the transgender group will host its first “gender playground” at the Utah Pride Festival. They are also putting together a Transgender Community Quilt and are soliciting self portraits and photographs.

The group is planning a Transgender March during the 2010 Utah Pride Festival.

On May 15, the group will host a fundraising event at Sugar House Park from 6 to 9 p.m.

“We’ll have karaoke where you pay to sing and pay to stop people from singing,” Owens explained.

Will Carlson, Equality Utah’s manager of public policy, noted that the only Republican to vote for a Common Ground Initiative bill was Rep. Brent Wallace of Ogden, who voted for the Fair Workplace bill.

“Statewide polling shows that 83 percent of Utahns deserve some protections,” Carlson said. “Utahns are in a place where our state legislature is not.”

He encouraged attendees to “empower” Utah voters to speak up to their legislators.

He announced the group would be walking districts, holding phone banks, placing lawn signs beginning at Utah Pride.

“We are taking a campaign approach for CGI 2010,” he explained.

Eric Ethington of Pride In Your Community told the group of their monthly community service projects, including their recent trip to his childhood neighborhood.

“I came out 15 times that day,” he quipped.

The group also volunteered at the LDS Welfare Cannery on April 18. They will be joining in the protest against Monson at Southern Utah University.

“We will be setting up in a parking lot in the area with hose, buckets, squeegees, etc, dressed fabulously and offering a massive free car wash,” he announced.

The meeting ran past its allotted time as Utah Log Cabin Republicans president Mel Nimer got to the podium. Some comments he made concerning the failures of the Common Ground Initiative drew the ire of Carlson and others in attendance.

sWerve is accepting applications for its 2010 scholarship. The $1,5000 scholarship is given each year to help a woman in the community, who exemplifies sWerve’s values, pursue an education.

These values include: promoting positive images and experiences of queer, lesbian, bisexual and transgender women in Utah; building community among women; supporting and creating womensafe spaces; and engaging in community service, educational outreach and civic action.

Info: swerveutah.com/scholar.html

Earth Fair The Salt Lake Center for Spiritual Living will honor Earth Day with an Earth Fair which will honor the creation of sustainable lifestyles.

The day will include discussion groups and speakers who will address methods for “greening” such things as homes, cars and daily lifestyles. The fair will also have exhibitors, music and food.

To register for a booth contact Christene Fike at (801) 352-9570 or christenefike@msn.com.

When: May 2, 10 a.m.–4 p.m.

Where: 870 E North Union Ave. Cost: Free

Utah Pride Needs You The 2009 Utah Pride Festival is seeking volunteers. To sign up visit utahpridefestival.org.

Cowboy Kick-Off The Village, the Utah AIDS Foundation’s HIV-prevention program for gay and bisexual men, will hold its second annual Cowboy Kick-off this May to raise money for the Village Summit, a health seminar for gay and bisexual men. This year’s theme will be Castro-style, to commemorate slain gay leader Harvey Milk.

A cash bar will be available and prizes will be given for the best cowboy outfit.

When: May 9, 6–11 p.m.

Where: The residence of Ron Thurber, 2215 E Aspenwood Way, 9760 S Info: Contact Carl at (801) 4872323 thevillage@utahaids.org

SUU Students, Community to Protest LDS President Monson tion, Biederman explained, is to express love and support for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender graduates and to show Monson that they “have families, too.”

“Commencement should be about all graduates,” he said.

On the protest’s Web site at JoinTheImpact.wetpaint.com, which has hosted information about demonstrations across the country in the wake of Proposition 8’s passage, Beiderman wrote that the choice of Monson as a speaker sent the wrong message even to graduates who are not straight or transgender, and who may end up working in “multi-ethnic, religiously pluralistic” settings with gay or transgender co-workers.

“In a difficult economy, SUU graduates must be prepared as team players to help companies maintain their competititve advantage and contribute to the ‘bottom line,’” he wrote.

The schedule for the protest is as follows. Demonstrators will meet in front of the school’s Sharwan Smith Building (which faces University Ave.) at 8:15 a.m. on May 2. There, Claudia Bradshaw, president of Southern Utah’s PFLAG chapter, will pass out pink ribbons for demonstrators to wear. The ribbons match the pink scarves gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender graduates have planned to wear during the day. The commencement march will begin at 8:30.

Organizations involved in the protest have asked demonstrators to bring peaceful, non-confrontational signs with such slogans as “proud of our gay dads.” They have also asked protestors not to respond to hecklers but to remain silent.

“We are not there to engage anyone,” said Beiderman.

At 3:15 p.m. demonstrators will meet at University and 300 West with their signs for a march to the Festival Hall and Heritage Theater to listen to speakers who will address gay and transgender equality. The speakers will be Donna Eddleman, SUU’s vice president of Student Services, gay rights activists and straight allies Gary and Millie Watts, and Mormon playwright Carol Lynn Pearson, whose groundbreaking play about Mormonism and gay issues, Facing East, received national acclaim in years past. Demonstrators are asked to bring snacks such as veggie trays, chips and dip, soda and cookies, and may also bring alcohol if they wish.

At the conclusion of the march and speeches, demonstrators may either help Bradshaw clean up or attend other graduation ceremonies, which do not require tickets and are open to the public. “[We] would love to see bunches of [people] with our pink ribbons on in the audiences at these graduations,” wrote Beiderman.

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When Southern Utah University announced on Feb. 2 that LDS Church President Thomas Monson would be this year’s commencement speaker, interest in the university’s graduation exercises increased dramatically. So much so, in fact, that the school had to issue tickets to the event to ensure that graduates and their families wouldn’t be shut out by interested locals.

“I staunchly believe that education is about exposing one’s mind to a whole spectrum of ideas and philosophies and allowing others the same right,” SUU President Michael T. Benson told the university’s newspaper, the SUU Journal.

At the time, Dean O’Driscoll, the school’s vice president of University Relations, told the paper that graduation organizers knew of, and had discussed, the “controversy” surrounding Monson — though what that controversy was, he did not say.

“A university is the perfect place to have differences of opinion,” he said at the time, while noting that the school would allow a place for protestors if there was a need.

As it turns out, there will be a need.

And if organizers of the May 2 protest have any say in the matter, a big need.

As graduation exercises go on, members of the school’s Queer Student Union, Southern Utah’s chapter of Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays, a group calling itself Common Ground South and a number of other student groups plan to peacefully demonstrate elsewhere on campus, in protest of Monson and the church’s position on gay marriage.

“People have their own goals they want to achieve for the event,” said Tom Biederman, an Atlanta, Ga. resident and SUU alum who runs Common Ground South with St. George activist Chris McArdle. “Some feel Monson doesn’t represent the values of inclusivity SUU stands for.”

Common Ground South is a loose organization founded by the two earlier this year to support statewide gay rights group Equality Utah’s Common Ground Initiative, which seeks to secure more legal protections for gay and transgender Utahns.

Initially, the initiative was a set of four bills and one policy change Equality Utah attempted to pass during this year’s legislative session. The initiative bore the name common ground because it was an attempt to find agreement between gay and allied Utahns and the LDS Church over such nonmarriage rights for gay people as employment and housing protections and joint health care benefits. In the wake of its campaign to support California’s Proposition 8, the church had said it did not object to these and other rights for same-sex couples.

The premise of the SUU demonstra-

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A pril 30, 20 09 | issue 127 | QSa lt L a k e | 9

Q mmunity

Q Utah

Queer Color Network Cinco de Mayo Open House

PRIDE In Your ...

Cannery?

They’ve raked leaves, shoveled snowfilled driveways and delivered pumpkin bread to Sen. Chris Buttars, all in the name of serving the wider Utah community while building relationships between it and gay and transgender Utahns.

And this month, PRIDE In Your Community has boldly gone where it has never ventured before: Into a charity run by the LDS Church. On April 18, several volunteers went to the church’s Murray cannery — which, as part of the church’s welfare services department, serves needy families around the world — to check 20,000 cans of chili, corn and other food items for dents and leaks.

“All of our past events have been to random suburbs and different neighborhoods where we wanted to go to talk to people while performing a service event,” said Eric Ethington, who serves as co-president of the group along with activist Elaine Ball.

But this month, the two decided they wanted to take another step forward.

Just like when they had visited Buttars, before this year’s legislative session, they wanted to meet with someone else who wasn’t too keen on gay rights.

“We wanted to do something for the church itself because it’s very focused on service, but not for us,” said Ethington. “Our community is always willing to put ourselves out there and be the big people, to show that you can say whatever you want but we are willing to take that first step.”

For that first step, Ethington and Ball called the cannery and asked if they accepted non-Mormon volunteers.

“I said we were a service-oriented group called PRIDE In Your Community.

I kind of left it at that,” said Ethington.

The cannery’s staff accepted, and Ethington didn’t reveal any more about the group until the day they showed up.

The staff, said Ethington, was a little surprised when he and Ball introduced themselves as a group working “on behalf of the LGBT community.”

“I think that threw them for a loop for a moment,” he said. “You could tell they weren’t really sure what to do with that.

We wondered if it’d be OK, or if they’d ask us to leave. But a few hours later, after the initial shock wore off, they were very nice about it.”

Volunteering at the cannery can involve a number of duties, Ethington explained. That weekend, the staff wa facing a dilemma: Due to an error, some chili cans in a batch of 20,000 were not sealed properly, and the cannery had to weed out the spoiled ones. In total, the volunteers found “10–15” bad cans.

“Their quality checks are very important,” said Ethington. “I know [their food] primarily goes to Utah, but it definitely goes to the rest of the nation, and the world as well.” According to him, this particular cannery packages not only chili but corn, peas, jam, and tomato and cream of mushroom soups.

When asked if the cannery was interested in a return visit from its gay and transgender sorters, Ethington said they had asked them back in the fall “when the corn comes in.”

“That’s what it should be,” he said.

“It doesn’t matter who you are or what group you’re with or your sexual orientation or gender identity. What matters is there are things to be done — they need to make sure the things go out safely — and if you have people there willing to help, what does [their sexual orientation or gender identity] matter?”

Although PIYC is willing to work with the cannery and the LDS Church again, their willingness doesn’t mean they’re letting the church off the hook as far as its treatment of gay and transgender people goes. Last year, the church made national headlines for its support of Proposition 8, a controversial measure approved by a narrow percentage of California voters which re-banned gay marriage in the state. Despite saying the church had no objection to rights for gay and lesbian couples so long as they didn’t include civil marriage, Mormon leaders also remained silent on a set of bills that would have granted gay and transgender Utahns more legal protections. These bills, sponsored by statewide gay rights group Equality Utah, failed during this year’s legislative session.

Further, Southern Utah University will feature LDS Church President Thomas S. Monson as its commencement speaker for May’s graduation exercises.

On May 2, PIYC will join the school’s Queer Student Union, Southern Utah’s chapter of Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays and several other organizations in holding a silent protest of commencement. “[Having Monson speak at commencement] is incredibly insulting to a large number of their student body — not just their queer students, but anyone who is 10 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 127 | A pril 30, 20 09

not affiliated with the LDS Church. It’s the same reason we wouldn’t want to hear the Pope speak.”

At 5 a.m. on May 2, PIYC members will meet at the Utah Pride Center, 361 N 300 W, to carpool to Cedar City. At 8:30 a.m. they will join other demonstrators at the school (PIYC representatives are asked to dress in pink or wear pink scarves).

The group will participate in programs that afternoon which include a speech

by Mormon playwright Carol Lynn Pearson, who authored the groundbreaking play Facing East.

True to its purpose, the group won’t leave Southern Utah without performing a service project. On the morning of May 3, PIYC members will offer free car washes in one of the city’s parking lots (which at press time had yet to be selected). The group will depart for Salt Lake City around 1 p.m.

To express interest in attending, visit PIYC’s Facebook page.

PWACU to Bring ‘Fabulous Fashions for Everyone’ This spring, the People with AIDS Coalition of Utah will hold its second annual benefit fashion show.

From Your Home to Our Store: Fabulous Fashions for Everyone will feature fashions donated to the organization’s thrift store, Our Store: Your Thrift Alternative. This year it will be held in the garden of chic French restaurant La Caille, an 18th Century chateau and garden complex located at the base of Little Cottonwood Canyon, 9565 Wasatch Blvd.

Tickets to the show are $75 and may be purchased through PWACU’s Web site, pwacu.org. Purchase includes a complementary $50 La Caille gift certificate. The show will be held from 2–6 p.m. on May 17 and will include high tea and brunch catered by La Caille. The day’s silent auction and raffle will close at 5:30 p.m.

La Caille regularly features a fourcourse menu with such delicacies as escargot, foie gras and venison, as well as a selection of 850 wines and a long list of liquors.

For more information, see pwacu.org

The Queer Color Network is having an open house, Cinco de Mayo style to introduce themselves and reach out to the larger queer community and have a fabulous time!

Come for food, music and fun.

Where: Utah Pride Center 355 N. 300 W. in the Multi-Purpose Room When: May 5 from 7–9pm Why: INFO: Esther Kim at 801.671.3026

Huntsman Cancer Health Fair The Huntsman Cancer Institute,

which is the world’s fourth-largest cancer center, will be hosting an LGBT Health Fair. The Institute and community organizations will be providing free information about health issues related to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.

WHERE: 2000 Circle of Hope, above the University of Utah WHEN: Sat., May 16, 11am–2pm INFO: 1-888-424-2100

Obama’s First 100 Days “First 100 Days” is a national night out for the Human Rights Campaign’s Federal Club members to come together, hear about the progress of the first 100 days of the Obama administration and set the stage for the next 100 days of HRC’s work.

WHERE: The Loft at Squatters Pub Brewery, 147 West Broadway WHEN: Thursday, April 30, 6:30pm INFO: federalclubutah@gmail.com

Ogden Drag Queen Bingo They’re Bringing Hairy Back! Ruby Ridge, Chevy Suburban, Rusty Fawcett and Petunia Pap Smear are heading back to Ogden for another fun-filled night of outrageous Drag Queen Bingo to benefit the Ogden OUTreach Resource Center.

WHEN: Wed. May 13, 7pm WHERE: Unitarian Universalist Church Fellowship Hall, 705 23rd Street, Ogde) .

COST: $5 for the first bingo card, $3each thereafter

Gaggles of Gays at the Zoo If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve lived in Utah longer than a few months, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve probably heard of QSaltLakeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Lagoon Day, where gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and allied Utahns get together for fun, friendship and the occasional goofy photograph while wearing identifying red shirts.

But Lagoon isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t the only place you can be out and proud while hanging around some real party animals.

Just in time for spring, the social group The Escape has announced that its annual Gay Day at Hogle Zoo, 2600 E Sunnyside Ave., will take place on May 9, from 1â&#x20AC;&#x201C;5 p.m. Much like Lagoon Day â&#x20AC;&#x201D; which Escape member Scott Wick credits as inspiration â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Gay Day at Hogle Zoo invites gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Utahns and their straight allies to an afternoon at one of Utahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s most fun and family-friendly places. To help identify Gay Escape members, Wick is also asking everyone to wear a red shirt.

Those who went to Lagoon last year may, in fact, remember Gay Escape members for their unique red shirts, which proclaimed them to be members of â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Hottie Convention,â&#x20AC;? or read simply: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Meanwhile.â&#x20AC;?

Founded in Utah County by Jeromy Robison in 2004, The Escape is a lowkey, low-pressure social group that holds informal outings such as the one at the zoo, where the group has been meeting annually for three years now. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s for gay men and women to get together and be themselves and have a good time and make friends and meet prospective dates, too,â&#x20AC;? said Wick.

Although the groupâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s numbers were small at first, The Escape now boasts 200 members who attend camping trips, game and karaoke nights, and potluck dinners throughout the year, including a special barbecue during the Utah Pride Festival. Membership, added Wick, is open to people of all sexual orientations, gender identities, races, nationalities, ages and ability levels. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We try to be as inclusive as possible

because we are all unique and very different,â&#x20AC;? said Wick.

Gay and transgender Utahns who like their celebrations libation-free may also want to check out the groupâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s activities. Since its founding, Wick says The Escape has a strict no alcohol policy for every activity. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We think you can have a lot of fun without that,â&#x20AC;? he said.

And it seems that many Utahns agree that the zoo day is fun. Since the first one in 2007, Wick said that the day has drawn 30-40 people â&#x20AC;&#x153;depending on the timeâ&#x20AC;? of day. Like Lagoon Day, attendees are encouraged to mingle, eat together in the zooâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s many pavilions, or just walk around looking at the animals. Some members, said Wick, may even decide to attend one of the zooâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s many attractions. For example, many Gay Escape members watched an elephant show last year.

For those Escapers who canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get enough outings, the group is also planning a weekend camping trip to Goblin Valley State Park, May 23-24. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Most people have been to our national parks, which are beautiful, but many havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t been to our state parks,â&#x20AC;? said Wick. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Come with us, have fun, and meet people!â&#x20AC;?

To learn more about The Escape, visit them on Facebook or Yahoo Groups (groups.yahoo. com/group/theescape).

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Lagoon Day Set for August 16 The annual QSaltLake Day at Lagoon has been set for Sunday, Aug. 16. In past years, hundreds of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and other readers of QSaltLake have participated. Revelers wear red T-shirts so they are readily identifiable and come together at a set time in the afternoon for a group photo.

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Q Utah Calif. Group Launches ‘Mormongate’ Campaign A California-based group that opposes Proposition 8 has launched an ad campaign aimed at raising awareness of the LDS Church’s role in similar campaigns to ban gay marriage in the 1990s and also, apparently, in the National Organization for Marriage, which is currently advocating against samesex marriage in several New England states.

The ‘Mormongate’ campaign’s Web site (Mormongate.com) proclaims: “The Mormons are coming! The Mormons are coming!” — styled after a quote from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s classic poem “The Ride of Paul Revere.”

The Web site’s text further riffs on the poem, which imaginatively chronicles Revere’s historic ride to warn Boston of a British invasion during the Revolutionary War. The parody poem alleges that Mormons were behind the creation of the National Organization for Marriage, an anti-gay group most famous for its much-mocked YouTube ad “A Gathering Storm,” which compares gay marriage to an encroaching cloudburst.

“National Organization for Marriage is the official name,” the site reads. “The Mormon hierarchy — they’re to blame.

They started back in ’95, ‘Hawaii’s Future Today,’ kicked off their drive to hide their involvement, we have the proof. The leaked Mormon documents tell the truth.”

These 11 leaked documents, which are linked below the poem, appear to be mostly correspondence between LDS leaders Neal A. Maxwell and Loren C. Dunn — respectively, a member of the church’s Quorum of 12 until his death in 2004, and a General Authority who died in 2001. In these letters, Dunn speaks of the church’s involvement in attempts to block the legalization of gay marriage in Hawaii. In each, Dunn mentions the creation and operations of Hawaii Future Today, a coalition of Mormons, Catholics and people of other religions who oppose same-sex marriage.

In one document dated Nov. 21, 1995, Dunn supposedly lays out the organization of Hawaii’s Future Today for Maxwell. He mentions the group will attempt to discredit a government-appointed commission that studied the issue of “same-gender marriage” and ruled in favor of legalizing it. The letter also mentions the possible creation

of a media campaign and the coalition’s willingness to pursue a constitutional marriage amendment to keep the issue of same-sex marriage from coming up again.

In another, dated March 6, 1996, Dunn tells Maxwell that such a coalition is a good strategy against gay marriage supporters because supporters will not have any individual to “single out” for threatening their civil rights.

“One reason I wanted us organized in Hawaii the way we are is because President Hinckley wanted it that way,” Dunn apparently wrote. “A coalition is hard to attack and particularly a young mother who was Chair of the State Board of Education (Chairman), a popular Catholic Priest [sic] with a Jewish-Buddhist background who is noted for his work with the socially disadvantaged (Vice-Chairman) and a businessman who is a trustee of the University of Hawaii, a University [sic] that is known for its diversity (ViceChairman).”

In correspondence dated March 21, Dunn supposedly discusses HLM’s finances. After updating Maxwell on the status of a constitutional amendment under consideration in the state’s legislature, Dunn mentioned the money needed to fund a media campaign.

“Two challenges,” he supposedly wrote. “(1) We have shielded previous donors from recognition because of how the funds were used in the preparation of this project, but in the worst case scenario, current donors might be ferreted out and, (2) the contribution is not tax deductible. The coalition is in need to $50,000, probably $10,000 now to get the media program going and $40,000 within the next week or so that will help pay for the lobbyist through the end of the session. The coalition continues to raise money locally but as expected, the majority needs to come from us. We have had so many things happen to get us this far that, in my opinion, we can’t afford to pass up this opportunity. A two-thirds majority in the Senate would put the amendment before the people which would probably settle the court case [which stated that an amendment would violate Hawaii’s equal protection clause] before it got started.”

When these documents came to light last March, the LDS Church declined to discuss them or to confirm or deny their authenticity.

These documents, alleges Californians Against Hate, shed light on how involved the LDS Church has been in past campaigns opposing gay marriage. And its past involvement, the organization contends, is relevant to the church’s support of Proposition 8 last year.

“The church showed just how effective it could be beginning in Hawaii in the mid-1990s all the way through to California’s Proposition 8 in 2008,” the Web site reads. “They were involved to some degree with all 30 state elections outlawing same-sex marriage. ...

Nearly all of their activities are intend-

12 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 127 | A pril 30, 20 09

ed to be highly secretive.

This strategy has served them well over the past 20 years.”

Mormongate.com also alleges that the church “appears to have created” the National Organization for Marriage in 2007 “to qualify California’s Proposition 8 for the November 2008 ballot.”

“As in Hawaii, [NOM] had a loyal Mormon on the Board of this new organization. Matthew S. Holland, son of Jeffrey R. Holland, who is one of the 12 Mormon Apostles, and the former President Fred Karger, Californians Against Hate of BYU, served in that eton McCormick Professor of Jurisprucapacity,” wrote Californians Against dence, as evidence that the two men Hate president Fred Karger in a letter founded NOM. posted to his blog. “The younger HolLast November, Californians Against land teaches political science at BYU.” Hate had also filed a complaint with CalMatthew Holland, who was also ifornia’s Fair Political Practices Comnamed as a board member of NOM in mission, alleging the LDS Church did an April 19 New York Times op-ed piece not fully report its non-monetary conon the group, apparently resigned from tributions to campaigns to pass Prop. 8, the organization’s board earlier this such as the cost of staffing phone banks, month under unclear circumstances. creating television ads and lawn signs “(One of them [NOM’s board mem- and getting volunteers to canvass Calibers], the son of one of the 12 apostles in fornia neighborhoods. the Mormon Church hierarchy, recentIn January, church spokesman Scott ly stepped down.),” the article read.

Trotter said these allegations were Californians Against Hate has cited “false” and that the LDS Church had, the close working relationship between in fact, “filed four reports with CaliforMatthew Holland and now-chariman of nia authorities,” which were a “matter NOM’s board Robert George, a Princ- of public record.”

U of U to Observe Lavender Graduation At the University of Utah and many universities across the world, graduates will soon be sporting a rainbow of tassels on their mortarboards, each one color coded to represent a specific college or program.

Participants in the U’s Lavender Graduation Ceremony, however, will literally be sporting rainbow tassels.

The ceremony, which dates back several years at the state school, is “our way to honor and celebrate the academic accomplishments of LGBT and allied students [undergraduate and graduate],” according to Kathy Martinez, director of the school’s LGBT Resource Center. Several universities, she noted, also observe such ceremonies under the name Rainbow Graduation, or under the name of a prominent gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender figure at the institution.

The ceremony lasts roughly half an hour and will include remarks from Martinez, from Kari Ellingson, the U’s associate vice president of Student Development, and Jennifer WilliamsMolock, assistant vice president of Student Equity & Diversity. Participants and members of the school’s LGBT Resource Center will also speak.

“I’m just going to take a couple minutes and congratulate them,” said Ellingson. “It’s certainly a milestone in

anyone’s life, graduating from college.

But quite often the LGBT community is trying to take classes and do all the things any student is trying to do despite some, at times, unsupportive circumstances.” Queer students, she explained, often choose to come out in college, which can lead to estrangement from their parents.

“It’s not uncommon for a student to find they have to support themselves [while in school],” she said. “Despite that, the students participating in Lavender Graduation have made it.

They’ve gotten a home, a major and a degree and are ready to move on to the next phase in their life.”

Martinez said she will likely focus on a similar subject: “The significance of graduating, and that nobody can ever take away your education; that’s always yours.”

At the conclusion of these remarks, the women will present the students with a certificate signed by the LGBT Resource Center and, of course, the rainbow tassel. Students who wish to participate in the ceremony must RSVP

by May 5 by e-mailing Katie Stiel at kstiel@sa.utah.edu.

This year’s ceremony will be held in the Olpin Student Union Theatre on May 7 at 5:30 p.m.

A dessert reception will follow in the Union Den from 6:30–8:30 p.m.

Warm Weather is Coming!

U of U Students Observe Day of Silence Wearing strips of blue electrical tape over their mouths and strips of red cloth emblazoned with such anti-gay slurs as “faggot,” “dyke” and “fudgepacker,” gay, transgender and allied students and a few staff members at the University of Utah gathered on the Olpin Student Union’s southern balcony to commemorate the Day of Silence.

Founded by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network and observed annually by students across the country, the Day of Silence draws attention to the silencing of gay and transgender people in schools and society at large through prejudice, discrimination and violence. Typically, participating students refrain from speaking during the day to draw attention to this silencing. When approached, they frequently hand out cards explaining why they will not speak.

But this silence was broken on April 17 as Ian Vilisoni Paulu, U student and vice president of Student Relations for the school’s Queer Student Union, took up a bullhorn to speak to the quad below.

In his opening remarks, Vilisoni Paulu asked students if they would notice or care if he or another queer student suffered discrimination or violence.

“Maybe I’m that guy who was so quiet and so scared to be myself because nobody would listen and nobody would care,” he said.

Dressed in drag and makeup, student Andrew Swallow spoke next, echoing Vilisoni Paulu’s remarks and noting that many do not listen to the problems of gay and transgender students.

“Too many voices fall on deaf ears and the consequences are deadly,” he said.

Other speakers read from black and lesbian poet and activist Audre Lorde’s poem “A Litany for Survival,” invoked the transgender character Angel from the Broadway musical Rent, and challenged the casual use of anti-gay slurs such as “faggot” and “cocksucker” on campus.

One student also spoke out against the murder of transgender Colorado teen Angie Zapata while challenging heterosexual male fear of gay men.

“I sashay like a little girl, especially when wearing heels, and I love it,” he said. “Wearing women’s clothing and makeup makes me feel pretty — yes, pretty! I’m more of a woman than you’ll ever get.”

The student then asked the “straight world” if he and his loved ones could ever “be anything other than a gesture in your eyes, a sidekick on TV.” “I say yes,” he said. “Who am I? I am God’s greatest miracle, and so are you.

That’s where we have common ground.”

The students and staff — numbering about 15 in all — cheered and waved noisemakers as a few passers-by looked on — some waving and smiling in support, and others looking puzzled or surprised.

In her concluding remarks, LGBT Resource Center Director Kathy Martinez thanked students for participating and challenged the university to become more inclusive and accepting.

Citing comments posted to articles in the school’s newspaper, the Daily Utah Chronicle, criticizing gay and transgender students of “whining” or “wanting special rights” when they ask that the campus be a safe space, Martinez said that such students merely want equal treatment. “if there wasn’t homophobia, hate, racism and sexism, we wouldn’t have to have those spaces,” she said.

She then welcomed all listening, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity, to visit the LGBT Resource Center.

The Day of Silence concluded the school’s annual Ally Week, which focuses on increasing gay and transgender visibility on campus and on training straight faculty, staff and students how to be supportive of their queer peers.

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Q Views Guest Editorial Present But Unaccounted For

by Nate Bassett

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fter attending the LGBT Town

Hall held at the Salt Lake County Council Chambers last Wednesday, I felt incredibly frustrated by our lack of achievement over the course of two hours. The group of about 50 listened to representatives from each community organization discuss their recent projects and future events, peppered with a few questions from the audience and an occasional derisive comment. However, a noticeable lack of enthusiasm and ambition seemed to overwhelm the entire group. We were present, but unaccounted for. The thoughts behind the meeting were grand in gesture, but the lack of formatting caused the meeting to feel disjointed. I must confess that I am uncertain if I could have done better, but I feel that we must discuss this as a community and engage each other if we want to achieve anything.

In response, I have a few proposals in regards to how our town hall meetings should be conducted. These ideas are meant as guidelines, although they too should be discussed and debated.

First, every meeting should be held on the second Wednesday of the first month of each quarter, i.e. January, April, July, and October, from 6 to 8:30 p.m. The venue would change as participation increases, but the meeting would start and end promptly, out of respect for everyone’s time. If the schedule is fixed, leaders of LGBT organizations across the country could be asked in advance to participate and community members could easily save the dates on their calendars.

Second, an agenda for each meeting should be established at least two weeks prior to the meeting. Any groups wanting to have time to speak would need to contact the coordinator who would then publish the agenda prior to the meeting. If urgent issues should arise in the two-week window, time would be allotted to discuss these, but all other time appropriations would be observed.

Third, at the beginning of each meeting the coordinator would read over ground rules that would be in effect for the length of the meeting. This would include only making comments that

are constructive; no comments that call out an individual or group by name; no speaking out of turn, etc. If we don’t have rules to set the tone of the meeting, we won’t accomplish anything.

Fourth, the first 45 minutes of the meeting would be used to make the attendees aware of events and projects that are in need of volunteers and community support. Each event announcement would be limited to three minutes. If new organizations were being formed locally, they would be given five minutes to discuss their mission statement and any upcoming events.

All groups would be allowed to have signup sheets available after the meeting, and the coordinator would have a list of community organization e-mails and phone numbers available for distribution.

Fifth, the last hour and 45 minutes would be dedicated to a community discussion about one or two particular issues that affect the LGBT community. Discussion topics could include racism, outreach, community awareness, our education system, bullying in schools, homelessness, etc. The coordinator would invite local professionals with expertise on each topic to be present for the discussion, and a facilitator, preferably an unbiased local official, would conduct the discussion so that everyone who would like to speak gets the opportunity. I would personally like to invite locally elected Republicans to facilitate the meeting so they can better understand the LGBT community.

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Sixth, comment cards would also be made available so that anything not discussed in the meeting could still be part of the community discussion. This would also allow people to address particular comments to a desired group, in hopes of eliminating the divisive dialogue that sometimes occur at these meetings.

Lastly, every group should utilize the Pride Center’s Amplify blog so that there is a central location where community members may read about activities and events. An effective community can only be achieved if members feel engaged and have easy access to information about the activities going on in the community. Likewise, meetings can only be effective if the attendees choose to inform themselves on issues and events in addition to the discussion and information presented during these town hall gatherings.

I am suggesting these changes because I have seen how effective the LGBT community can be when everyone contributes and I feel that we often lose track of the bigger picture because of petty differences. We need to work to prevent the types of situations that caused the recent suicides of two 11-year-old boys. Our community is amazingly resilient and has the potential to turn the tide in our fight for equality in Utah. We must work together to achieve our goals, and that can only be done if we encourage unity and equality among members of our own community.

QSaltLake Welcomes Letters from Our Readers Love a story written in this issue? Hate one? Did a columnist piss you off or tickle your funny bone? Want to say something to the world?

Send a letter to the editor — we love feedback! Please keep your letter under 300 words and email it to letters@qsaltlake.com.

Your letter, if published, may possibly be edited for length, suitability or libel.

No one wants to go to court.

Queer Gnosis Helpful Tips for Dating Returned Missionaries

by Troy Williams

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ast week my roommate burst

through the front door and asked, “What is it with gay men hung up on Mormonism!?”

I could only assume the obvious. He was experiencing the frustration of dating a guy still trying to reconcile his faith and sexuality. “I think it’s fear,” he continued.

“That and privilege,” I responded.

“Mormon men have been told since childhood that they are the elect of the earth. Coming out as a big nelly fag stripped them of their divine birthright. The trauma is just now sinking in.”

Yup. As Mormon men, we were once the first of the first-class citizens — but now, suddenly, through a quirk of desire, we have been stripped of our chosen status. Saturday’s Warriors have become Friday Night Infidels.

Gay LDS men have a seemingly more difficult time getting over the church than gay Mormon women.

Within their theology and culture, women have always played a subservient role in both church and household. The stigma associated with being a lesbian isn’t so different from being ranked below a man in all other sectors of society.

This point came home after I read an interview with the African-American author James Baldwin. Richard Goldstein of The Village Voice asked Baldwin why white men seemed more outraged over homophobia than black men. Baldwin responded, “[As a white gay] you’re placed outside a certain safety to which you think you were born. A black gay person is already menaced and marked because he or she is black ... I think white gay people feel cheated because they were born into a society where they were supposed to feel safe ... Their reaction seems to me in direct proportion to the sense of being cheated of the advantages that accrue to white people in society.” (Homocons; Goldstein, p. 32) And there it is. Mormon doctrine exalts the already inflated white male ego. It provides the illusionary belief that the creator of the Universe has chosen us, by baptism and covenant, to rule his kingdom on earth. But tragically (for some), our homosexual inclinations knocked us off the ladder of upward celestial mobility. And according to Mormon doctrine, if you don’t kick the gay habit, you will end

up as eunuch bottoms for time and all eternity. Imagine. It’s no wonder so many gay men are desperate to seek reconciliation with the church. It’s a hard thing to give up all that glory.

The white desire to regain social status is the driving force behind assimilation politics in the gay community. Gay white middle and upper class men (and some women) want to access the power and privilege they

Who knows what psychosexual trauma could occur while getting hot and heavy, ripping off his clothes and then accidentally caressing the sacred markings believe have always been their birthright. And this is also the reason why so many of your dates with returned missionaries have ended in disaster.

Instead of full on embracing their deviant sexuality, they eternally pine and whine to have all their priesthood blessings restored. They are still, fundamentally, devoted to hierarchies of power that rank some men above others.

So, to avoid the inevitable heartache that comes with falling in love with those adorable (but wounded) RMs, here are a few suggestions for dating them.

1) If your RM is not out to his parents, thumbs down. Living openly and honestly must be the foundation of any healthy relationship.

2) If your RM attends Sunstone, reads D. Michael Quinn or has at least skimmed through Richard Dawkins, then thumbs up. This is a sign that his mind is open to questioning.

3) If your RM is “out” to his bishop and still has a calling in his ward, then thumbs way down. Why date someone who is willing to sustain and build up an institution dedicated to his own oppression? No one needs a self-loathing

boyfriend. Ever.

4) If your RM is a devout feminist then thumbs way up. He recognizes the inherent equality of all people.

5) If your RM wants to play hymns on the piano during a first date, thumbs down.

6) Dates to Temple Square because, “I still really like the choir,” thumbs down.

7) Dates to Temple Square because, “I really like the Christmas lights” while you are both tripping on acid or shrooms, thumbs up.

8) Still votes Republican because he likes the economic policies, thumbs down.

9) If your RM is still wearing temple garments, thumbs down (for some of us, the most traumatic memory from childhood is our father walking around the house in his “g’s.” Who knows what psychosexual trauma could occur while getting hot and heavy, ripping off his clothes and then accidentally caressing the sacred markings).

It gives new meaning to the phrase, “I will go down.”

And finally, 10) If your RM reveals to you his secret temple name, an enthusiastic thumbs way up! Never seriously date someone who refuses to give you his secret name. This is the biggest indicator to know how “plugged in” your RM still is. And understand it’s scary for him. Some RMs quiver under the penalty of ritual disembowelment if they ever reveal these secrets (for the record, my temple name was Elijah).

Now the most important thing to remember is that everyone is evolving.

Just because someone is caught up in their religion today, doesn’t mean that life won’t liberate their thinking tomorrow. Be patient and know that RMs can be erratic. One day they love you, the next they want to leave you and run back to church. Splash!

It’s frustrating. I know. In the interim I recommend having as much gay sex with RMs as possible. This is the best therapy you can provide. Just be careful not to let your heart get too hung up while they are processing their telestial fate. It’s helpful to recognize that most of them are grieving the loss of their privilege and status in society. Offer a kind word and perhaps the bold suggestion that maybe queers have been sent to earth to completely disrupt the old social order. It’s time to call these boys on a new mission: Suggest that their next calling may be to liberate all people from false prophets and tyrant gods. That will give them purpose again. If queers are “marked and menaced,” then let’s start menacing and leaving a mark. Let the work and the glory begin anew!

Troy is the co-writer/producer of The Passion of Sister Dottie S. Dixon.

Utah County Come meet new people over coffee Wednesdays at Juice & Java in Provo, 280 West 100 North, at 7pm on. Call or text James Bunker at 801‑735‑8965 for info.

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News Analysis Miss USA Brouhaha, Media Orgy

by Rex Wockner

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“the media” made into a huge story.

Or the U.S. gay world hit some kind of tipping point, and it’s no longer possible to “get away” with saying anti-gay things in many arenas — just as one can’t get away with saying sexist or racist things.

At the Miss USA pageant April 19, judge Perez Hilton, the gay blogger, asked Miss California, Carrie Prejean, this question: “Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalize samesex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit? Why or why not?”

Prejean responded: “Well, I think it’s great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. Um, we live in a land that you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage and — you know what? — in my country and in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman — no offense to anybody out there, but that’s how I was raised and that’s how I think that it should be: between a man and a woman. Thank you.”

In reality, Americans can choose same-sex marriage only in Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts and, starting Sept.

1, Vermont. One would think Miss California might remember that tiny little battle over Proposition 8, but whatever. ither it is a nonstory that

Prejean, who came in first runnerup, later said, “At that moment after I’d answered the question, I knew that I was not going to win because of my answer.”

Subsequent reporting revealed she

‘miss california lost because she’s a dumb bitch.’

—Perez Hilton

apparently is right about that, which suggests that having “correct” gay positions has become more important than many of us might have assumed.

Yet, in a video blog, Hilton later opined: “She lost not because she doesn’t believe in gay marriage. Miss California lost because she’s a dumb bitch. OK? ... If that girl would have won Miss USA, I would have gone up onstage — I shit you not — I would have gone up onstage, snatched that tiara off her head and run out the door.”

PHOTO: MiKe TiDMUS

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The boy does have a way with words.

Yet later, Hilton told MSNBC, “I called her the b-word and, hey, I was thinking the c-word, and I didn’t say it.”

One does not often hear “the cword,” even called just “the c-word,” on MSNBC. At any rate, Hilton appears to believe there is a way for a Miss USA contestant to oppose gay marriage — but that would be some way other than the way Prejean did it.

All of this resulted in so many media stories that Google News probably had to add server capacity. But the interesting question actually is: Was this a gay tipping point? All Prejean did — albeit not particularly articulately — was say that she believes marriage is between a man and a woman. Fifty-two percent of California voters think that, too. Or at least they did as of last Nov. 4.

But then there was Iowa. And Vermont. And 8 million media stories and TV things. The bottom line, I guess: If Miss USA can’t dis the gays and get away with it, then there probably now are many, many arenas in which one can’t dis the gays and get away with it.

If that’s true, a “tipping point” is probably exactly what we observed, and the orgy of media coverage may have been (sigh) warranted. Q

Snaps & Slaps SNAP: PRIDE In Your Community it takes balls (and ovaries, of course) to serve people who may not understand you, or who may even hate you. But that’s what PRiDe in Your Community does every time they offer to do yard work for or deliver treats to people in their neighborhoods — including, most famously, Sen. Chris Buttars, R-West Jordan, Utah’s most notorious anti-gay politician. and now, the group has gone one step further, volunteering for the Mormon Church’s welfare arm at a cannery in Murray — where they were welcomed, despite a few surprised looks, with open arms.

Our own Troy Williams says that any movement needs its radicals as well as its moderates. We suggest it also needs relentless do-gooders.

Sometimes, after all, the opposition will talk not only to the moderates, but to the people they have come to see as upstanding citizens.

SNAP: Protest at SUU We have no idea what administrators at Southern Utah University were thinking when they asked Thomas Monson to be this year’s commencement speaker. To be honest, we’re not sure we want to, since we do like our hearts to remain happy and coronary-free. But our hearts are gladdened by the response his selection has been getting not only from queer students and their allies, but from students of all races, nationalities, ideologies and sexual orientations who say that Monson (and the governmental meddling his church endorses) does not speak for them. While this protest won’t make administrators or Monson have a change of heart, it is one more example of how Utahns en masse aren’t putting up with intolerance anymore. Hey, SUU? How about inviting Jacob Whipple or elaine Ball next year?

SNAP: Our Most Faaabulous Utahns Because you offer faaabulous services. Or faaabulous food or drinks. Or faaabulous adult toys. Or faaabulous theatre, music and art.

Or you’re a faaabulous gay-friendly organization or ally. Or you say faaabulous pick up lines. Well, maybe not that last one. But you get the idea. Fabbies, thank you for supporting us, and for being your faaabulous selves. Yes, we’re not particularly upset about anything this issue. Can you tell?

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Ruby Putting the Twit in Twitter

by Ruby Ridge

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know, petals.

i know what you’re thinking: “What happened to the title of Ruby’s last colum?” It was supposed to be “MILK and Commentary,” but for some bizarro reason, it got formatted as “MILK and Commen,” which looked truly strange. It was probably my own fault because, as per usual, I was days behind deadline getting my bi-weekly rant in to our assistant editor. In my conspiratorial mind she is punishing me by clipping off a letter from the headline for every day I am overdue.

Because you know damn well she’s evil and vindictive like that. [MUWAHAHAHAH! – JoSelle] Anyway, it could have been worse.

Had I been three days later I could have ended up with “MILK and Com,” and then the all of the e-mails would come flying in with sparkling bon mots like: “Dude, you’re in America it’s spelt with a U, LOL,” or some other drivel.

Darlings, you would not believe the feedback and e-mails we receive on some of our columns (or for real entertainment, look at the Salt Lake Tribune’s public comment boards. Scary!). Some of those anonymous rants are little more than cries for a mental health intervention.

Seriously, if Utah really is the per capita Prozac capital of the nation, then somebody obviously must be hoarding meds. Whoever you are, please start sharing with your neighbors because the mental health of this state is cracking. And none of us are safe now that these unstable whack jobs have discovered Twitter. Yes, I’m talking about you, Jason Chaffetz!

Have any of you noticed how the Republicans are trying to act all hip and current by using new media (badly, I might add)? I guess the Obama campaign’s brilliant use of the internet for fundraising, awareness and networking had forced them to rethink how they communicate with the great

unwashed masses. You know, those inconvenient little people that conservatives only pretend to care about every election cycle? It’s been fascinating watching them scramble to adopt new technology and court the younger generation, but I keep thinking to myself, what’s the point of having a new medium of communication if the Republican message is so old and out of touch? Seriously kittens, if your tired political platform was originally written on carbon paper copies, then blasting it out via text messaging is not going to help.

Apparently, Marshall McLuhan was right when he said, “the medium is the message.” I find it interesting how a progressive grass roots activist like Jacob Whipple can effortlessly use new technology to rally likeminded folks, but it took all of the money and vast machinations of the Fox networks and talk radio to patch together the farcical anti-Obama Tea Bagging Parties last month. Although now that I think about it ... I wonder what would happen if Jacob sent out a Tea Bagging Party message to his e-mail list. Yikes, that could get messy! But I digress ...

I don’t know, pumpkins. For all of the youngsters out there, this on-thego instant messaging thing is a way of life. Personally, this whole socially networked, instant communication, Twittering about your cat’s loose bowel movements and sharing Facebook pictures of Jesus burnt into toast is starting to grind me down. I feel compelled to set up an account on these things, but beyond the peer pressure, I just don’t care. I mean, it’s nice being able to contact the relatives scattered across the country and the globe, and yes periodically it’s nice to catch up with people I haven’t seen for years.

But every three minutes via Twitter?

Aaaargh! Just shoot me now!

Ciao, babies! Q

some of these anonymous rants are little more than cries for a mental health intervention.

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Creep of the Week Bob Peters

By D’Anne Witkowski

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I could say I was shocked about the recent shooting of 17 people in Binghamton, N.Y. But I live in America, where gun laws are lax and gun ownership is considered a sacred right. Granted, Americans don’t want shooting rampages to happen, but priorities clearly indicate it’s a risk we’re willing to take.

This attitude is echoed by Morality in Media President Bob Peters. “Having lived in New York City for more than 30 years, I am all too aware of the harm that firearms in the hands of criminals can cause,” read an April 9 statement. “Having grown up in a small town in Illinois, where citizens owned guns without misusing them, I am also aware that guns aren’t the underlying problem. I am not an opwish

ponent of gun regulation; I am an opponent of making guns the scapegoat for mass murder.”

Indeed, many right-wing conservatives have this same attitude. “Don’t blame guns,” they holler every time another disturbed man mows down a crowd. “Blame pornography or video games or violent cartoons or the fact kids don’t pray in school.” Blame anything but easily obtainable weapons (like the .45-caliber handgun and 9-millimeter Beretta used to kill 13 people in the New York shooting) designed for one purpose: to kill people.

Obviously it can’t have anything to do with that.

Besides, as Peters points out, things like this don’t happen in small towns (never mind that the sites of many of

this nation’s school shootings — like Bethel, Alaska; Jonesboro, Ark.; Littleton, Colo.; Blacksburg, Va. — are certainly “small towns” relative to New York City). So Peters blames the next logical thing: gay marriage.

After seeing adjacent front-page articles in the New York Times about the New York shooting and the legalization of marriage for same sex couples in Iowa, Peters saw the light: Gays are to blame for this nation’s gun violence.

“The underlying problem is that increasingly we live in a ‘post-Christian’ society, where Judeo-Christian faith and values have less and less influence,” Peters says. “This secular value system is also reflected in the ‘sexual revolution,’ which is the driving force behind the push for ‘gay marriage;’ and the Iowa Supreme Court decision is another indication that despite all the damage this revolution has caused to children, adults, family life and society (think: abortion, divorce, pornography, rape, sexual abuse of children, sexually transmitted diseases, trafficking in women and children, unwed teen mothers and more), it continues to advance relentlessly.”

It is certainly strange that Peters sees marriage for gays as being driven

by the “sexual revolution.” Granted, I don’t know what revolution he’s even talking about, but marriage doesn’t seem like the end game for sexual revolutionaries. And I don’t see the connection between gays marrying and things like rape and human trafficking. But hey, it’s his sick fantasy world, not mine.

Lest we misunderstand Peters, let’s allow him to clarify. “It most certainly is not my intention to blame the epidemic of mass murders on the gay rights movement!” he says. “[I]t is the decline of morality (and the faith that so often under girds it) that is the underlying cause of our modern day epidemic of mass murders.”

Never mind that “decline of morality” is code for homosexuality. He’s not blaming gays! He just said so. He’s just saying that if you’ve got a nation full of homos, then God’s going to set psychos with hand guns loose.

Something tells me that Peters and Fred Phelps would really hit it off.

D’Anne Witkowski has been gay for pay since 2003. She’s a freelance writer and poet (believe it!). When she’s not taking on the creeps of the world she reviews rock and roll shows in Detroit with her twin sister and teaches writing at the University of Michigan.

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by Ben Williams

“Good morning star shine, the earth says hello. You twinkle up above us. We twinkle below.”

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s this hippie anthem climBed

the Hit Parade charts, the spacecraft Apollo 10 transmitted the first color pictures of Earth from space on May 10. These iconic images had such a profound effect on the youth movement that they became a catalyst for the first Earth Day events of 1970. The first Earth Day Rally in Utah was organized by University of Utah students, Douglas Epperson, Jeff Fox and Stephen Holbrook: members of the United Front to End the War. Its purpose was to protest pollution and the Vietnam War. Stephen Holbrook is a gay man, and a former Utah state legislator who helped organize KRCL; Jeff Fox is the father of Ivy Fox, who helped organize Utah’s first gay-straight alliance at East High in the mid 1990s.

In Salt Lake City in May 1969, the

city’s vice cops began running a sting operation on 2nd South, between 400 and 500 West. Its purpose was to crack down on prostitutes and “sex perverts” who solicited sex in old Greek Town.

Salt Lake City had just passed a city ordinance which demanded that sex offenders be held in the city jail for a series of venereal disease tests (today these diseases are called sexually transmitted diseases). On May 6, a Salt Lake Third District judge upheld the city’s right to hold known prostitutes for VD testing. The city attorney interpreted the ruling as applying not only to “known prostitutes,” but to all persons arrested on moral charges — which, of course, included homosexuals.

Around this time Salt Lake City Police Chief Dewey Fillis announced that all persons arrested on moral charges would have to undergo an additional series of venereal disease tests six weeks from the day of their arrest. All suspects

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were required to post a $750 bond to in- Federal Bureau of Investigation. sure their return for the serology and Abe Fortas had only joined the court physical examinations. The Salt Lake in October 1965, but was a key player in City Health Commissioner stated that several sex-related rulings in the midboth men and women would be “quar- 1960s. In 1967 he was one of three dissentantined” for 24 hours until the results ing justices in an early Supreme Court were completed. gay rights case. The case involved a CaOn the same day as the famous color nadian “homosexual” named Boutilier picture of the earth was being trans- who was being expelled from the United mitted to Earth, the popular 60s sing- States on the grounds that, under U.S. iming group The Turtles was snorting migration law, homosexual aliens were cocaine off Abraham Lincoln’s desk in deportable because they were “afflicted the White House, before singing “Hap- with a psychopathic personality.” py Together” at Trish Nixon’s Young In oral arguments, Fortas aggressiveRepublican Ball. ly questioned the government lawyer In South East Asia, U.S. troops be- on whether homosexuality was intrinsigan an attack on Hill 937 that would cally psychopathological. He stated that be known as “Hamburger Hill,” for the Public Health Service had advised the many ground up and mutilated Congress not all homosexuals were corpses. During the 10-day battle, 450 psychopaths. However, the Court’s matons of bombs and 69 tons of napalm jority ruled against the gay Canadian, were dropped by the 101st Airborne Di- and he was sent packing. At the time, vision, and five infantry battalions — Fortas told another justice the reason about 1,800 men — hammered the Viet for his dissension was that “ordinarCong. After the position was secured at ily a homo is a psycho, but many are the loss of 56 American soldiers and 421 not.” The court’s decision infamously others wounded, Hamburger Hill was allowed Congress to continue to define abandoned on June 5 to the disbelief of homosexuality as a psychopathology. a war-weary America. Hamburger Hill Two months after the court anthus became symbolic of America’s nounced its ruling in the Boutilier case, lack of a military strategy for winning J. Edgar Hoover sent some FBI agents the war, and its loss was the breaking to visit with Justice Fortas. The agents point for many Americans. said they had a dossier on Fortas conAs American soldiers were slaughter- sisting of information given to them ing the Viet Cong in the jungles and rice from “an active and aggressive homopaddies of South East Asia, the Monty sexual” who had been an informant of Python comedy troupe formed in the the Washington field office. They told United Kingdom on May 11. Their work Fortas this informer had, “over the would exemplify the absurdities of the years,” provided a great deal of reliable status quo. One of the six founding information, and claimed now he had members of the Pythons was Graham sex with Fortas on several occasions Chapman, an active homosexual. prior to Fortas becoming a Justice Chapman kept his homosexuality a of the United States Supreme Court. public secret until after the Monty Py- There were more allegations, but Forthon’s Flying Circus TV series had run tas maintained he had never committed its course, when he famously came out homosexual acts at any time. Still, he on a British chat show in the mid 1970s. expressed great appreciation for havAfter the outing, a member of the televi- ing been provided with these facts and sion audience wrote to the Pythons to asked that “his thanks be extended” to complain she had heard a member of J. Edgar for having handled the matter the team was gay, and that the Bible said discreetly. any man that lies with a man should be Of course, the whole point of the FBI taken out and stoned. Fellow Python, visit was for Hoover to intimidate the asEric Idle replied, “We’ve found out who sociate justice; to remind Fortas of who it was and we’ve had him shot.” was really in charge. In 1968, J. Edgar But back in Zion, an Ogden 2nd Dis- Hoover had another team of FBI agents trict judge sentenced a 28-year-old man from the Washington field office pay a to three to 20 years in state prison on May visit to Fortas. This time they informed 12, after he plead guilty to sodomy and as- him of Hoover’s ‘concern’ that Fortas sault with a deadly weapon. The man’s had been seen at a homosexual bar. attorney argued for leniency, testifying Sometime after President Richard he had known the man and his family for M. Nixon was elected, J. Edgar Hoover nearly 10 years and believed the young showed the President the file he had man “became homosexual because of on Fortas, which included allegations pressures in prison during a previous Fortas had once been involved in a sentence.” The sentence stood. On May sexual relationship with a teenage boy.

15, a Salt Lake City man was fined $100 Calls were made to Fortas and after with a suspended 20-day jail sentence for only serving three and a half years, he having pornography in his home. resigned from the Supreme Court. His On the same day, Associate Justice resignation allowed Tricky Dick to apAbe Fortas resigned — perhaps forc- point a conservative successor which, ibly — from the United States Supreme in effect, delivered a history-changing Court due to information kept in a file “coup de grace” to the liberal Supreme on him by J. Edgar Hoover, the all- Court that had ended the political docpowerful, cross-dressing director of the trine of “separate but equal.” Q 20 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 127 | A pril 30, 20 09

Gay Geeks Your Doin It Rong!

by JoSelle Vanderhooft

T

he first rule of starting an

anti-gay group should be: Make sure the acronym for your organization doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t correlate to a popular internet saying.

Especially if the saying somehow involves a phenomenon called LOLcats.

For those geeks who are waaay behind the curve, LOLcats (also known as cat macros) are photographs of felines with captions ranging from the funny to the absurd, and frequently misspelled because LOL cats kant spelle gud. Popular captions include: I can haz cheezburger? (also the name of a popular Web site for such macros); O RLY? (Oh, really?); O hai (Oh, hi); and my favorite [insert subject]: yor doin it rong (as in, writing a column: youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re doing it wrong, JoSelle!).

And then, of course, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s one taken from Sesame Streetâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Cookie Monster to signify that the cat is enjoying something tasty, like grass or a â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;hyoomanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;sâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; toe: Om Nom Nom. It just so happens that NOM is also the acronym for the National Organization for Marriage, which put out a very silly YouTube video a few weeks ago that compared gay marriage to a storm, complete with thunder clouds, CGI lightning and really bad acting.

You see where this is going.

LOLtastic name aside, the NOM video is so ridiculous that it actually parodies itself. Proclaiming that â&#x20AC;&#x153;a storm is gathering, the clouds are dark, and I am afraid,â&#x20AC;? a number of paid actors reel off stories of how gay marriage is oppressing them. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a California doctor who must choose between my faith and my job,â&#x20AC;? laments one. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a Massachusetts parent helplessly watching as public schools teach my son that gay marriage is OK,â&#x20AC;? whines another. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a Connecticut car salesman, and gays ruined my heterosexual marriage,â&#x20AC;? insists a third.

Wait, I think I just made that one up. But you get the point: Of NOM had been entrusted with Yes on 8â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s propaganda, we all wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have needed to march around Mormon Church headquarters last fall. And nobody ... nobody ... realized how deeply and profoundly this ad fails better than geeks, gay and otherwise.

Although â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;net savvyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; geeks have

yet to make an LOLmarriage macros, a search for National Organization for Marriage on YouTube currently turns up dozens of parodies, which you get long before you find NOM â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;s travesty that inspired them. Barely Political, the folks who brought us Obama Girl, spoofed the ad by mixing it with footage of Storm Chasers.

A bunch of college students under the user name â&#x20AC;&#x153;rootsofequalityâ&#x20AC;? put together a low-tech parody including such lines as â&#x20AC;&#x153;My God-given U.S. American, Patriotic, Freedom Eagle will be snatched from me.â&#x20AC;? And of course there are jabs that invoke Bhorror films, the Weather Girls and a LEGO-ized Sarah Palin â&#x20AC;&#x201D; though thankfully not all at the same time.

When I first saw the â&#x20AC;&#x153;Gathering Stormâ&#x20AC;? video, I suspected the internet would largely re-post it everywhere, laugh and then move on, as the second-by-second culture of the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;net tends to do. So I was more than a little surprised when the parodies began rolling in like wagons full of cotton. Maybe Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m showing my age when I say this (at least to all the high schoolers), but I can remember a time when many Americans would have taken the over-emotional and downright silly hand-wringing seen in NOMâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ad as SIREEUS BIZNUS. It was called the 1980s and 1990s, when gay-straight alliances struggled to even exist in Utah and heavy-handed moral messages were the way to go.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a different world for queers now, thanks largely to the internet and the creative geeks who play there. Because of parodies like this, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and otherwise queer people now have the best ammunition against anti-gay prejudice there is: mockery. And as we all know, mockery is contagious, especially when it has YouTube to back it up.

So NOM, let this be a lesson to you.

The next time you want to make a scaremongering PSA, make sure it is both geek and LOLcat proof. When the Colbert Report spends a full seven minutes parodying your work, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s definitely safe to say: Homofobick propaganda: your doin it rong! Q

Joselle Vanderhooft has written for QSaltLake since the beginning of time and is the author of â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Memory Palace,â&#x20AC;? available on the home page of QSaltLake.

A pril 30, 20 09 | issue 127 | QSa lt L a k e | 21

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22 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 127 | A pril 30, 20 09

2009

FABBY Awards

May’s almost here, and with it

comes warmer weather, plans for the Utah Pride Festival

and, of course, our annual

Fabby Awards. Our readers

have spoken, and we now dutifully raise the curtain on the results. Drumroll, please!

People

Most Faaabulous Performer

Nova Starr

Once again the divine Nova Starr proves that her staying power in this category is second only to that of her faaabulous mascara. Her shows (performed with the help of her always-beautiful girls) and her commitment to charity are pretty faaabulous, too.

2. Lauren Wood

Most Faaabulous Politician

Sen. Scott McCoy

Although he has a faaabulous haircut as well, we think he probably won your overwhelming support for tirelessly fighting to pass his Wrongful Death Amendments bill that would let unmarried partners sue in the event of a provider partner’s death. That and anyone who can deal with LaVar Christensen without screaming is just, simply, beyond faaabulous.

2. Sen. Christine Johnson 3. Rep. Jennifer Seelig

Most Faaabulous Straight Advocate

Gov. Jon Huntsman, Jr.

He walked out on a limb and said that gays should have the right to be civil unioned. He invited Utah’s Log Cabin Republicans to the Governor’s Mansion. He hasn’t backed down from either of those and is looking a bit ... presidential-candidate-y lately. Hmm. 2. Rep. Jennifer Seelig

Most Faaabulous Actor

David Spencer

Whether playing a transvestite Berlin museum keeper in Salt Lake Acting Company’s I Am My Own Wife, or playwright Martin Moran in Plan-B’s The Tricky Part, David Spencer is a faaabulous actor who has won praise from nearly every publication in Utah, and now from you, our readers.

2. Alexis Baigue Photo: David Newkirk, davidnewkirk.com

Most Faaabulous Political Group

Most Faaabulous Mediterranean Food

Oh come on. Do we really need to say that it’s Equality Utah when pretty much all of you voted for them?

Well, OK, we just did. And their efforts towards passing the Common Ground Initiative seem like a faaabulous enough reason to us.

2. The Inclusion Center 3. HRC UTAH

Once again this popular Mediterranean restaurant’s faaabulous kebabs and dolmas and funky decore trounced its competition.

2. Aristo’s Greek Restaurant 3. The Other Place

Equality Utah

Most Faaabulous Religious Group

First Unitarian Church of Salt Lake City

Unitarian Universalist Churches across the nation have accepted gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender members and performed same-sex marriages for years. But these aren’t the only things that make First Unitarian so faaabulous. The year-round food drive, social justice programs and regular lectures on everything from global warming in Utah to world peace make it a faaabulous place to spend a Sunday.

2. South Valley Unitarian Universalist Society 3. K-2

Most Faaabulous Sports Group

Café Med

Most Faaabulous Mexican Food

Red Iguana

Holy molé again! This faaabulous downtown Mexican restaurant captured your tastebuds once again.

“Killer Mexican food,” indeed!

2. Betos 3. Blue Iguana

Most Faaabulous Italian Food

Cucina Toscana and Café Trio

This Tuscan Trattoria that specializes in banquets and this downtown restaurant offering such delights as carbonara and three cheese ravioli are two very different Italian restaurants, but they’re equally as faaabulous according to you. Looking at their menus just makes us salivate.

QUAC

The Queer Utah Aquatic Club is one of Utah’s oldest, largest and most popular sports groups. Maybe it’s all those gold, silver and bronze medals its members have won. Or maybe it’s just the sleek bods and sexy speedos and tank suits.

2. Pride Softball 3. Mountain West Flag Football League

Most Faaabulous Group to Receive Donations

Equality Utah Most Faaabulous Queer Leader

Mike Thompson

Equality Utah is really sweeping our awards this year.

We wondered if their Common Ground Initiative had something to do with it, but then realized it was probably just Mike Thompson’s faaabulous haircut.

2. Valerie Larabee 3. Logan Brueck

Most Faaabulous Bartender

Stan—Club Try Angles

A 2nd Fabby award for Stan ... this is sure to give him a god complex, what with his already oversized head.

I’m going to get a lot of shit for saying that, but when he slaps me, it’s like being sung a lullaby. Honestly, Stan’s witty, friendly and a crossword puzzle wizard: All the makings of a great bartender.

2. Cammie—Gossip 3. Tony—Club Jam

Groups

Most Faaabulous Social Group

sWerve

They hold parties for lesbians in ties, barbecues for their volunteers, and a party for just about every holiday real and imaginable, all while striving to make Utah a better place for lesbian, bisexual and transgender women. For these reasons (and for their faaabulous fashion senses and senses of humor), you’ve picked sWerve as our most faaabulous social group.

2. Queer Village

Do we really have to explain why this is Equality Utah yet again?

2. The Utah AIDS Foundation

Most Faaabulous … Us! Most Faaabulous Columnist

Troy Williams

In the last six months, the face of gay politics in Utah has altered dramatically. But through it all, our resident cosmic trickster and all-around rabble-rouser Troy (who is also a very fine playwright and radio host) has reminded us to be hopeful as well as subversive. Harvey Milk would be proud, indeed.

2. Michael Aaron 3. Ruth Hackford-Peer

Most Faaabulous Story

Common Ground Initiative

During this year’s legislative session, Equality Utah’s Common Ground Initiative dominated QSaltLake for several issues and appeared regularly in every news outlet in the state. It’s no wonder, then, that our readers picked it as our most faaabulous story. Now if only we can get those bills passed before our next issue. Hey, we can dream, right?

2. The November March on Temple Square 3. Jacin Tales

Restaurants

Most Faaabulous Asian Food

Hong Kong Tea House

This 200 S restaurant specializing in authentic Chinese cuisine has done steady business for years thanks largely to its peking duck and faaabulous dim sum options including stuffed eggplant and steamed chicken feet.

2. J Wong’s Asian Bistro 3. Café Trang

Most Faaabulous Animal-Friendly Food

Sage’s Café

A vegetarian café in downtown SLC specializing in organic produce, raw foods (like rawsta—‘pasta’ made entirely from uncooked veggies) and foods for people with gluten intolerances? And it all tastes amazing?

Faaabulous! Once again, Ian’s other restaurant, Vertical Diner, tied for second place.

2. Oasis Café/Vertical Diner (tie) 3. One World, Everybody Eats

A pril 30, 20 09 | issue 127 | QSa lt L a k e | 23

Most Faaabulous Surf ‘n’ Turf

Market Street Grill

Whether you want Prime New York Strip or Seafood Louis or just the city’s most amazing clam chowder, this faaabulous Gastronomy, Inc. restaurant can set you up. And omg, the Dungeness crab! It’s also no coincidence that another Gastronomy spot came in second.

2. The New Yorker

Most Faaabulous After Hours Spot

Rancheritos Mexican Food

This local chain (formerly known as Beto’s) is faaabulous because of its affordable prices, no-nonsense menu and convenient hours (i.e. all day and night).

No wonder you can find one on practically every city block!

2. International House of Pancakes 3. Denny’s

Most Faaabulous Formal Restaurant

Bambara Restaurant

As part of Hotel Monaco, Bambara has been a tireless supporter of Utah’s gay and transgender population, from catering the hotel’s annual Red Party to advertising in our pages for years. But it wouldn’t be nearly as faaabulous without its constantly rotating menu cooked to perfection by its professional and friendly staff. Everything you can order really is delicious.

2. The New Yorker 3. The Wild Grape

Most Faaabulous Hole-In-The-Wall

Big Ed’s

As any U of U student will tell you, this off campus restaurant’s signature dish, the Gawd Awful, is actually gawd faaabulous. So are its friendly, talkative staff and many of its regulars. It’s worth a visit, whether you’re a student nearby or not.

2. The Blue Plate/Cotton Bottom (tie)

Most Faaabulous Romantic Restaurant

Bambara Restaurant

Reason enough for them to win: You won’t get any awkwardness at all when you tell the waiter it’s your boyfriend or girlfriend’s birthday.

Food & Drink

Most Faaabulous Burgers

Crown Burgers

Don’t feel like getting this Utah chain’s signature pastrami-piled cheeseburger? Then feel free to indulge in a beef burrito, gyro, fish sandwich or a plate of their tasty fries. In creativity and regional flare, Crown Burgers has national chains beat in faaabulousness.

2. Acme 3. The Training Table

Most Faaabulous BBQ

Sugarhouse BBQ

This sugarhouse eatery won our award last year, and has swept a number of other local awards for its Memphis Style barbecue, jambalaya and chicken wings.

Good thing this place is open “seven days and seven nights” a week!

2. Pat’s Bar B Que 3. Salt Lake City BBQ

Most Faaabulous Sandwiches

Toasters

This Salt Lake City deli has a European flair and a number of gourmet goodies for the hungry downtown worker on the go: soups, panini, bagels and, of course, toasted sandwiches. Faaabulous!

Most Faaabulous Appetizers

Café Trio

One look at the appetizers at this Mediterranean café and you may just fill up on prosciutto, olives, rosemary flatbread and clams before your dinner gets there. This isn’t nec-

essarily a bad thing.

2. Red Rock Café 3. Oyster Bar/FidDler’s Elbow (tie)

Most Faaabulous Pizza

The Pie Pizzeria

If the tongue-in-cheek mathematical logo wasn’t faaabulous enough, one of their tasty, generouslytopped pies will win you over. We recommend the bay shrimp! The live camera at the University of Utah location is also faaabulous if you want to catch some students goofing off.

Most Faaabulous Salads

Café Trio

Good thing it’s hard to fill up on salad, huh?

2. Paradise Café

Most Faaabulous Soup

The Soup Kitchen

Don’t let this restaurant’s traditional soup selections fool you, instead let them fill you! Their cream of tomato and clam chowder are especially hearty and faaabulous — not to mention just the kind of warming, generous meal perfect for a slow spring.

2. Big City Soup 3. Zuppas

Most Faaabulous Sushi

Takashi

Most Faaabulous Cupcakes

Diva’s Cupcakes & Coffee

Gracing the cover of this issue as well as being featured in our Gay Entrepreneur’s issue, Diva’s Cupcakes & Coffee is a hit, especially with east-side gays and lesbians. Gordon Wilkins took a diamond in the rough of a building and polished it up for a great new hangout on 33rd South.

2. Mini’s Cupcakes 3. Mrs. Backer’s Pastry Shop

Most Faaabulous Desserts

Café Trio

Just four words for you: cheesecake of the moment.

Yeah, we’re thinking of just giving them some kind of supersized award this year.

2. The Dodo Restaurant

Most Faaabulous Sunday Brunch

Squatters Pub and Brewery and Stein Eriksen Lodge

On its Web site, this popular downtown restaurant pledges that it shops local and organic whenever possible. The Park City luxury hotel, meanwhile, offers housemade chocolates. We can’t blame you for being indecisive.

2. Café Trio/ Oasis Café (tie)

Best Cheap Drinks

Club Try-Angles

Gene Gieber’s charitable spirit and down-to-earth bar have won him many loyal customers over the years.

His affordable drafts probably had something to do with that, too.

2. Junior’s Tavern

Most Faaabulous Wine

Too Many to List!

Once again, this fashionable Market St. restaurant Our readers seem to have a diverse taste in wine—so snags this award from the competition. Try their diverse, in fact, that we couldn’t pick a winner! Some of your most faaabulous wine lists, however, can be unagi roll and see why! found at Café Trio, Bambara Restaurant, La Caille 2. Happy Sumo and Flemming’s Prime Steakhouse & Wine Bar. 3. Tsunami Sushi 2 4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 127 | A pril 30, 20 09

A pril 30, 20 09 | issue 127 | QSa lt L a k e | 25

Most Faaabulous Beer

The Bayou

We’re not surprised by this at all. Given that this lively Cajun restaurant stocks nearly 300 beers, you’re bound to find something faaabulous to drink.

2. Club Jam 3. Hoppers Seafood & Grill

Most Faaabulous Martinis

The Red Door

This trendy bar’s martinis have been called everything from cosmopolitan to trendy and even crazy.

We think faaabulous pretty much covers their extensive martini list.

2. Kristauf’s Martini Bar 3. Tavernacle

Most Faaabulous Tea & Coffee

The Coffee Garden

With its young, hip atmosphere, extensive selections (including tasty pastries, tabouleh and sandwiches) and two locations, this gay-owned business has long been a hit with our readers, and some of our staff (we see you behind that ginormous tea cup, JoSelle!).

2. Tea Grotto/Volte Caffe (tie) 3. Coffee Break

Shopping

Most Faaabulous Bargain Attire

Pibs Exchange

Most Faaabulous Furniture

Forseys Furniture Galleries, Wasatch Furniture Co. & Eldredge Interiors

My goodness, what a long entry that was! You really think all three of these stores deserve our top honor. Think we should make them all hold some kind of furniture-building battle royale to see who takes home the plaque?

Most Faaabulous Antiques

European Treasures, Green Ant & Kennard’s Antiques

You guys are really indecisive this year, aren’t you?

Maybe we’d better hold off on that battle royale this time, though. These things can get rather expensive.

Most Faaabulous Car Dealer

Mark Miller Toyota

Utah’s only certified eco-friendly dealership, and conveniently located in downtown Salt Lake City? We want that faaabulous pink one in the corner, Mark!

Most Faaabulous Flowers

Twigs

Walking into this faaabulous Sugar House florist is like walking into spring, even when it’s inexplicably 40 degrees and snowing in the middle of April. A variety of healthy, gorgeous flowers and garden knick knacks make this your favorite florist.

2. Firehouse Floral 3. Cactus & Tropicals

Vintage, gothic, trendy, funky, weird or wild, this Sugar House used clothing store has a faaabulous outfit waiting for you. And the fun part is, you get to put it together.

2. Our Store: Your Thrift Alternative 3.Uptown Cheapskate

Most Faaabulous Roses

Most Faaabulous High-End Attire

Cahoots

Cockers

We know what you’re thinking, and no. This place only sells faaabulous jeans, undies and swimsuits.

Jeeze. You perverts.

Most Faaabulous Shoes (oh my God!) Shoes

Aldo and DSW

Our readers seem unable to decide between Aldo’s stylish and colorful sandals and national chain DSW’s high end brand names. Well, variety is what makes life faaabulous, we always say.

Twigs

OK, seriously. Should we just rename both categories for this place?

2. Firehouse Floral

Most Faaabulous Gifts This favorite and faaabulous gift store has it all, from sexy lingere and naughty gag gifts to those post cards of old photographs with funny captions. We have yet to see any lingere with funny captions silkscreened on, however.

2. Mischievous Pleasures 3. Turiyas

Most Faaabulous Stationary

Tabula Rasa

Because we all know that drag queens and kings love picking out the parts of their faaabulous outfits.

2. Decades 3. Blue Boutique/ Our Store (tie)

This Trolley Square shop that bills itself as a “social stationary” store boasts a gigantic collection of gorgeous paper, wax and seals, and special letterheads for all occasions, as well as unique jewelry and toiletries. Making your all-too-few handwritten letters look as elegant as possible? Faaabulous!

2. Cahoots

Most Faaabulous Book Store

Most Faabulous Adult Toys

Really, has there been a year this faaabulous independent book store hasn’t won? Even though they’re moving to a smaller location, this Salt Lake City landmark proves that the brick and mortar bookstore is still kicking, Amazon be damned.

2. Golden Braid Books 3. King’s English

Looking for a plaything that’s fun and kinky? Well, this well-stocked adult boutique can’t help you there, but it can help you get all the lube, massage oil, fetish wear and kinky toys that you need.

2. Cahoots 3. Blue Boutique

Most Faaabulous Drag Wear

Pibs Exchange

Sam Weller’s

Most Faaabulous Place for Tunes

Graywhale CD Exchange

This other faaabulous brick and mortar store also proves that the record/CD store is still kicking, iTunes be damned.

Most Faaabulous Place to Get a Movie

Graywhale CD Exhange

And Amazon be damned a second time!

26 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 127 | A pril 30, 20 09

Mischevious Pleasures

Services

Most Faaabulous Gym

24 Hour Fitness

Aerobics at 4 a.m.? Yoga before supper? Upright cycling at the ungodly hour of midnight? Pretty faaabulous, huh?

2. Gold’s Gym 3. Planet Fitness

Most Faaabulous Ski Resort

Alta Ski Area

This slow spring has been faaabulous for our ski-loving readers, who flock to this mountain resort like bunnies to snow if their votes are any indication.

2. Deer Valley

Most Faaabulous Salon

Landis Lifestyle Salon

This trendy, eco-friendly salon has lifted your smiles, snipped your dead ends, de-furred your legs and won your hearts for the second year in a row. Keep up the faaabulous work, guys!

Most Faaabulous Mani-Pedi

Nailed

Last year, this trendy Salt Lake boutique won your votes with its $15 manicures and $30 pedicures.

What’s even more faaabulous than these prices? The fact they, unlike America’s economy, haven’t changed since we last gave out this award.

2. A New Day Spa

Most Faaabulous Wax Job

Nailed

P.S. You can get your lip ripped for less than a Carl’s Jr. burger.

2. Estilo

Most Faaabulous Ink Job

Koi Piercing Studio

Known also for its faaabulous piercings, this parlor on 900 E also does inking. How many times do you think somebody’s asked if they specialize in tats of goldfish?

2. Susie M’s 3. Big Delux/Good Times (tie)

Most Faaabulous Counseling

Pride Counseling, Aspen Grove & Helen Kjolby

Wow. You guys sure had diverse (and strong!) opinions on this category, resulting in our first-ever threeway tie between two gay-owned therapist offices and one very gay-friendly independent practitioner. Hey, the more services out there for people facing emotional and mental difficulties, the better.

Most Faaabulous Fido Groomer

Dogs R Us and The Dog Show

When it comes to making Fido and Fluffy (or even Kitty, in the Dog Show’s case) look faaabulous, our readers are a little torn as to which place is the best.

Personally, we think they’re both faaabulous.

2. It’s Reigning Cats and Dogs 3. The Puppy Lounge

Most Faaabulous Realtor

Julie Silveous

Realty may not be the happiest business to be in just now, but you wouldn’t know that based on this “buy curious” lady’s ads. Stay faaabulous, Julie!

2. Mark Barr 3. Tony Fantis

Most Faaabulous Dentist

Kirkland Graham

This is the second year this Salt Lake City dentist has won this award. And he’ll still drill you, fill you, and leave you smiling. Yes, we used the same blurb last year, but it was funny. And recycling is good.

2. Dr. Walter L. Bye

Most Faaabulous Doc or PA

Dana Smith

When Dana Smith won this award last year, we wrote: “Because where would a faaabulous doc be without these faaabulous folks? And for our readers, this U of

Continued on Page 24

U Hospital employee is as faaabulous as they come.”

Admittedly not as funny.

Most Faaabulous Musical Group

Most Faaabulous Back Rub

“Utah’s Other Choir” has been “doing hymn since 1983,” as well as the ’40s, Broadway, and annual St. George and holiday concerts .... and each other.

Tehehe! The choir is hitting the heavy stuff this summer, doing the ’60s With A Twist. Cool dude, purple elephants and glow-in-the-dark marshmallows. No wonder this choir is so popular.

2. Utah Symphony

Salt Lake Men’s Choir

Kura Door

Once again, this holistic Japanese spa sweeps this category with its eight different kinds of massage, including four hands and hot stone. Faaahhhhbulous!

Most Faaabulous Attorney

Lauren Barros

Over the years, this Salt Lake City attorney has made a name for herself defending the rights of gay and lesbian parents against Utah’s anti-gay parenting laws.

That’s pretty faaabulous in our book, and in yours.

2. Doug Fadel 3. Will Carlson and Kevin Bond

Most Faaabulous Hotel

Hotel Monaco

Well, duhh. It only hosts fundraisers for the Utah AIDS Foundation and a bazillion other gay-related charities.

2. Stein Erikson

Most Faaabulous B & B

Under the Lindens

A classy, restored house in the Avenues with four fully furnished, exquisite rooms that combines Victorian elegance with contemporary convenience?

Check us in, please!

2. The Daisy

Most Faaabulous Art Gallery

Utah Museum of Fine Arts

Located on the University of Utah campus, this 74,000 square foot gallery has a collection that now encompasses 5000 years of art. That’s a bounty of sculptures, artifacts and paintings, etc. They also offer lectures, films and guided tours. Not to mention there’s a lovely cafe and gift shop.

2. A Gallery 3. Kayo

Most Faaabulous Movie Theater

Broadway Centre Theatre

Yeah, movies in which things explode are nice, but Q readers know that Broadway Centre Theatre is the place to go for thoughtful comedies and dramas — many of them by independent studios — that you won’t find anywhere else (note films here may also contain things that explode).

2. Tower Theatre 3. Brewvies

Most Faaabulous Concert of the Year

Katy Perry

Most Faaabulous Play

The Tricky Part

As with Plan-B Theatre’s Facing East — a sober drama about parents coming to terms with a gay son’s suicide — the company’s production of The Tricky Part is an emotionally painful, yet encouraging story.

After a young boy falls into a long-term sexual relationship with a man 18 years his senior, he spends his adult life trying to let go of the past with a little dignity. With haard-hitting material like these, how could the B not be faabulous.

2. Saturday’s Voyeur — SLAC 3. Sordid Lives — Pygmalion Productions

Most Faaabulous Theatre Company

Plan-B Theatre Co.

Plan-B has been wowing theatre-goers for decades with its edgy, innovative and all-around provocative work — from last year’s Fabby award-winning Gutenberg! The Musical and runner-up Exposed to the annual celebration of censored literature, And the Banned Played On. We’re glad you love them as much as we do.

2. Salt Lake Acting Company 3. Pygmalion productions

Most Faaabulous Local Band

Vivian’s Way / Sister Wives (tie)

Rich Bonaduce, the host of Talking Pictures happens to be the drummer of Vivian’s Way. The band describes themselves as “two beautiful female singers and one medium looking male vocalist backed by great musicians.” I think they meant “one medium looking drummer.” Nah ... he’s pretty sexy. Tying the most faabulous spot is Sister Wives, a rock band made up of four women who are not in polygamous relationships, it’s “just a great band name.” I think we like them because we want to believe.

She may have a lot of gays and lesbians up-in-arms about her so-called homophobic lyrics in “I Kissed A Girl,” but here in Utah she’s a faabulous alternative to Gladys Knight, the Osmonds and The 5 Browns.

2. Amy Ray

Odds and Ends

Most Faaabulous Radio Station

X96 and KRCL

X96 has Radio From Hell, faaabulous alternative tunes and sexy-cute DJ Portia. KRCL has RadioActive, Cranial Circuitry and feisty Sister Dottie S. Dixon. It’s probably easier to just give them both awards, isn’t it?

2. KCPW/Movin 100.7 (tie)

Most Faaabulous TV News Broadcast

KSTU FOX 13

Maybe it’s their generally even-handed coverage of gay news stories, or the playfulness of the Good Morning Utah anchors. Or maybe more than a few of you would like to Kirk to see if your new bed works.

Whatever the reason, Fox 13 is your most faaabulous news station.

2. KTVX Channel 4 3. KUTV Channel 2

Most Faaabulous Lube

Gun Oil and Wet Platinum

Whether or not these are actually the most faaabulous lubes ever, their names alone deserve an award.

2. ID Glide

Most Faaabulous Pick Up Line

This is one of our favorite categories, because we get such faaabulous responses every year. Your suggestions this time included “How do you like your eggs?”, “I lost my number, can I borrow yours?”, “Do you like to dance? Then go dance while I talk to your friend!” (how mean!) and “You creep me out!” Um. Shouldn’t that last one be a response?

BARS

Most Faaabulous Karaoke

Tavernacle Social Club

Another win for this hip, friendly watering hole. The acoustics are perfect for the talented Adam Lamberts and Kris Allens of karaoke, as well as the no-sotalented Megans and Lady GaGas (she was a toss-off from Season 5, wasn’t she?)

2. Club Jam

Most Faaabulous Gay Bar

Gossip

Friday nights brings Gossip to Club Sound, a hotspot for the community to dance with hot guys and girls, enjoy themed events and to watch the everpopular Nova Starr performances. Our readers voted them top gay bar, knocking Club Try-Angles off the pedestal this year by a narrow margin.

2. Club Try-Angles 3. Club Jam

Most Faaabulous Lesbian Bar

Paper Moon

Obviously, this is a give-me since MoDiggity’s closed their doors, but regardless Paper Moon deserves snaps for providing Sassy Sundays, Tunes-Days, Wild Wednesdays, Thirst Thursdays, Freakin’ Fridays and Sexy Saturdays to all its loyal lesbians and gay boys.

With all the fundraising events Toni Fitzgerald puts on, Paper Moon really is a faabulous addition to the community.

Most Faaabulous Mixed Bar

Area 51

The 2009 Edition of Utah’s Gay Yellow Pages is now hitting the streets!

Three dance floors to shake your booty, a Gay 80s Night every Tuesday and sexy deejays, it’s no wonder Area 51 takes home the Fabby this year. Tuesday nights may be difficult for gay guys to hit the clubs, but just about any night at Area 51 is friendly, fun, and full of possibilities.

2. Mo’s Grill 3. Juniors

Most Faaabulous Place to Watch a Game

Fiddler’s Elbow

fare. Plus, with Michael Aaron working nearby, sighting him at the Elbow hitting on bartenders is as common as sighting deer during hunting season.

2. The Trapp 3. Lumpy’s

Most Faabulous Dance Club

Gossip

Dual dance floors and spinning by DJ Tony Marino and DJ Naomi will leave you dripping in sweat on Friday nights at Gossip. Luckily you can cool off on the faabulous rooftop patio, taking in the splendid view of Temple Square while licking the sweat of your boyfriend’s neck.

2. Paper Moon 3. Area 51

Most Faaabulous Club to Watch a Live Show

In the Venue

An 18 and over sub-venue of Club Sound has garnered this year’s Fabby award.

There’s always a unique lineup of local musicians for the music connoisseur, as well as up-and-coming superstars such as Katy Perry and Lady Sovereign.

2. The Depot

This great sports bar located in Sugar House, next door to the QSaltLake offices, is wide open with several large screen tvs to watch all your favorite sporting events. There’s also a large patio, pool tables and great dining

Look for it at all your favorite hangouts and theqpages.com 28 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 127 | A pril 30, 20 09

A pril 30, 20 09 | issue 127 | QSa lt L a k e | 29

Q A&E Gay Agenda It’s In The Water Week

by Tony Hobday

Well squeeze, mold and harden me, then stuff me in a jockstrap and call me Gabe “The Babe” Kapler’s Mongo NuttyBuddy sports cup.

Team QSaltLake won their first softball game of the season, 28-2. And no, we didn’t cheat, unless you consider Miller Lite a steroid.

30

thursDAY — A Southern Gothic comedy, The Sugar Bean Sisters is riddled with romance, murder and alien abduction. It’s about two spinster sisters in Sugar Bean, Fla.; one waiting for martians and the other her Mormon prince charming (please, please, please let it be Horatio Caine). They are visited by a mysterious stranger, the identity of whom sets into motion a series of events that includes venomous snakes, a reptile woman, an outhouse, spontaneous combustion, and of course, a UFO. 8pm, through May 16, Studio Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $15, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.

QQ Celebrating “A Decade of Empowering Youth through Multimedia,” Spy Hop Productions Annual Benefit should be one of its best, yet. The evening includes live student performances, new youth media, live auction and prize giveaway. Enjoy fabulous morsels from area restaurants such as Sage’s Cafe and Bambara. Special guest is actor Edward Hermann (The Lost Boys, Gilmore Girls).

6–9:30pm, Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $40–60, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.

1

FRIDAY — “Demurely militant, passionately outspoken, she’s Dottie Dixon — LDS crusader, activist and devoted mother of [homo son] Donnie.” Based on the KRCL radio show, The Passion of Sister Dottie S. Dixon, this is the first live appearance of the hot Mormon mom ... can you say, wubba, wubba, wubba!

8pm, through May 16, Black Box Theatre, Rose Wagner Center. Tickets $20, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.

30 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 127 | A pril 30, 20 09

QQ In a war-torn land, two lovers find each other, lose each other and find each other again one last time in this heart-wrenching musical Miss Saigon.

Pioneer Theatre’s brings this epic story of starcrossed lovers set in the closing days of the Vietnam War. Contains occasional strong language and mature themes.

8pm, through May 16, Pioneer Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, UofU. Tickets $30–49, 801-581-6961 or pioneertheatre.org.

2

SATURDAY — After two years Cirque Éloize returns to Salt Lake with the final chapter of Daniele Finzi Pasca’s Sky Trilogy, called Nebbia. Eleven performers (of seven nationalities) are on stage at any given time; jugglers, handto-hand and trapeze artists, and trampoline and aerial artists. The entire group sings and acts and play instruments, including the flute, violin and flugelhorn. This is bound to be a wild, entertaining performance.

7:30pm, Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Circle, UofU. Tickets $19–45.50, 801-581-7100 or kingtix.com.

QQ The local band Mury garnered a few nominations for QSaltLake’s 2009 Most Fabulous Local Band. Tonight, decide for yourself (or at the X96 Big Ass Show, May 29) if they are worthy of the highest honor in the state — A QSaltLake Fabby award.

The four-man pop/rock band pride themselves on writing genuine music with honest lyrics and performing high-energy shows. I don’t think any of the members are gay — the muscle tension in their faces is a little droopy. A little something I learned from TV, the best educational source.

6:30pm, Avalon Theater, 3605 S. State Street. Tickets $10, 801-467-8499 or smithstix.com.

QQ Get your dancing shoes on because Dance is a Feeling at W Lounge the first Saturday of each month. Join deejays Danny Dance and Nick James as they spin the “best house music” in Salt Lake City. Have a Danny Dance card? Get in free. If not, get one at danceisafeeling.com.

10pm, first Saturday of each month, W Lounge, a private club for members, 358 S. West Temple. Free before 11pm with card, or $5, danceisafeeling.com.

3

SUNDAY — Brolly Arts H2O, in conjunction wih Water Week, is a nine-day celebration of the precious natural resource through music, dance, poetry, art exhibitions and installations, speakers and film. Today’s event includes Billy Curmano performing and presenting films about three water-related projects, SLC Film Center screening of Blue Gold: World Water Wars, mu-

sic by Ravenhorse, visual art exhibit by city and county employees and a raffle.

5–10pm, Brewvies Cinema Pub, 677 S. 200 West. Free, brollyarts.org.

6

WEDNESDAY — Four young Latino men, a chance meeting at Burrito World in Omaha, Neb., and a beautiful woman named Maria erupts into one of the most evocative Latin musicals ever written and is brimming with the zest of life intrinsic to the Latino culture. The Grand Theatre presents Four Guys Named Jose and A Una Mujer Named Maria, sprinkled with humor and romance, and performed in English and Spanish ... muy bien!

7:30pm, through May 16, Grand Theatre, SLCC, 1575 S. State Street. Tickets $10–24, 801-957-3322 or the-grand.org.

8

FRIDAY — Brolly Arts H2O, as part of Salt Lake City’s Water Week Celebration, presents a Sugar House Art Stroll. Stroll the district, and enjoy art, live music, and support local businesses, like QSaltLake ... yay! Artists working in an array of disciplines join together with local merchants to transform the streets of Sugar House.

5–10pm, businesses around 2100 South and 1100 East.

Free, brollyarts.org.

QQ Tchaikovsky’s Symphony No. 5 is typically called “classic Tchaikovsky” with its well-crafted, colorfully orchestrated and memorable melodies — Utah Opera brings the classic alive with Tchaik’s Big 5. Also, violinist Baiba Skride will perform Prokofiev’s Concerto No. 2. This piece is complete with graceful, flowing violin melodies contrasted with the clacking of castanets.

8pm, through Saturday, Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple. Tickets $16–51, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.

9

SATURDAY — Water sports ,,, ahhh, week continues with Art in Hidden Hollow Nature Park (Sugar House business district). The park comes to life with a multitude of visual arts installations, education groups, community booths and performances on the theme of water.

Noon–5pm, Hidden Hollow Nature Park, 2160 S. 1255 East.

Free, brollyarts.org.

12

TUESDAY — I like bands that use a piano in their music (the piano is a hot instrument), like Coldplay and Keane. This trio piano pop/rock group from England plays Salt Lake tonight. With hits like “Somewhere Only We Know,” “Is It Any Wonder?” and “Spiralling,” this concert has all the makings of a fabulous evening.

7:30pm, Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Circle, UofU. Tickets $37.50, 801-587-5100 or kingtix.com.

Save the Date Major Events of the Community May 17, 2009 PWACU Fashion Show ­ pwacu.org May 22–25, 2009 RCGSE Coronation ­ rcgse.org June 5–7, 2009 Utah Pride ­ utahpride.org June 20, 2009 HRC Utah Gala ­ hrcutah.org June 25–28, 2009 Utah Arts Festival ­ uaf.org June 29–Oct. 17, 2009 Utah Shakespearean Festival, Cedar City bard.org July 8–Aug. 8, 2009 Utah Festival Opera, Logan ufoc.org July 24–26, 2009 Utah Bear Ruckus utahbears.com July 31–August 2, 2009 Utah Rebellion utahrebellion.com August 1–2, 2009 Park City Arts Festival kimball-art.org August 7–8, 2009 Redrock Women’s Music Festival, Torrey redrockwomensfest.com August 16, 2009 QSaltLake Lagoon Day, qsaltlake.com August 19, 2009 Equality Utah Allies Dinner, equalityutah.org August 30, 2009 Center’s Golf Classic ­ utahpridecenter.org October 10, 2009 National Coming Out Day Celebration ­ utahpridecenter.org October 17–21, 2009 PWACU Living with AIDS Conference pwacu.org

Email arts@­qsaltlake.com for consideration to be included in Save the Date.

UPCOMING

JUN. 20 B-52s, Peppermill Concert Hall, Wendover JUL. 13 Joan Baez, Ed Kenley Amphitheatre AUG. 25 Depeche Mode, E Center SEP. 01 Dave Matthews Band, USANA NOV. 20 Elton John & Billy Joel, ESA

Review ‘American Fork Idol’ — It Was Just All Right For Me, Dawg

by Tony Hobday

D

inner theater is an unusual

concept that everyone should experience at least once. At Desert Star Theatres, it’s less like dinner theater and more like an LDS social — tightly packed inside a church gymnasium. The rustic venue seats about 250 at tables placed too close together and draped with blue-and-white plaid table cloths. Baskets of complimentary popcorn centerpiece the tables, and menu options include pizza, chicken fingers, wraps, desserts and non-alcoholic drinks. The wait staff buzzes about nonstop like large flies hindering the view of the stage. They’re not terribly annoying, just a bit nettlesome.

Then comes — in the case of American Fork Idol — the opening remarks by the piano accompanist who welcomes you to the show and gives you audience participation instructions before the performance begins.

Lights go down and it begins: The contestants of America’s Next Hollywood Pop Superstar include frontrunner Bo Biceps (Nate Copier and Jeff Jensen), the Utah County underdog Tanya Trucker (Heather Elmer and Mandi Jensen), a flamboyant mama’s boy Dylan Ai-Chihuahua (Bryan Daley and Bryan Hague), Jason Castor Oil and Carrie Underwear.

Ryan Snoozefest (Justin Berry and Trevor Jerome) hosts, and Theodore Scowl (Ed Farnsworth and Tod Huntington) — a relative of Simon’s — Polly Medulla (Chelsea Grant Hubbard and Bonnie Wilson Whitlock) and a “Randy” mannequin are the judges.

The contestants are swiftly taken through tryouts, and then whisked off to Hollywood. Jumping right into the competition, it all seems to be going smoothly, less Dylan’s meddling stage mother Debra (uummm ... David Archuleta and dad) and Carrie’s Sunday-school song choices (though a real Utah crowd-pleaser). Then mysterious accidents start occurring, eliminating contestants one-by-one. This scenario develops like a dastardly evil-doer tying a lovely maiden to railroad tracks.

Of course romantic feelings also develop between the contestants ... and at least one judge. Tanya and Dylan have eyes for Bo, and as the contest heats up, secrets are revealed that will change the Hollywood hit show forever.

As with most Desert Star productions, American Fork Idol is extreme camp, with over-enthusiastic characters, silly awkward moments and, in this case, a humorous play on lyrics. “Cold-hearted Skank,” a hilarious rendition of a Paula Abdul hit, is the highlight moment.

Unfortunately, comedic timing is off by more than a couple of the actors; yet,

with the number of performances they are scheduled to do, it could easily put them off from time to time.

There also is some difficulty liking .... or maybe offense may be taken by the reconciliation of Dylan’s questionable sexuality. Plus, portraying “Randy” as an emotionless, robotic philistine is dull and unimaginative. These flaws don’t necessarily ruin the fun of the show, but unfortunately places playwrights Ben E. Millet and Bethany Knighton low on my scale.

Then featured after the final curtain is an “olio” or hodgepodge of sketches and

musical selections. Though a bit long, as olios go, Love is in the Air is fantastic fun.

The ‘boy band’ number is both comically choreographed (by Kerstin Davis) and performed. Also, the infomercial for an aphrodisiac stimulates a few chuckles.

Desert Star Theatre is a local favorite, often satirizing mainstream Utah culture in a friendly, non-offensive way.

But hopefully they’ll learn to parody all of Utah’s diversity in that same light.

‘American Fork Idol’ runs through June 6, Desert Star Theatre, 4861 S. State Street. Tickets $8.95–17.95, 801-266-2600 or ­desertstar.biz.

TICKETS: SALTLAKEMENSCHOIR.ORG / 801-581-7100 A pril 30, 20 09 | issue 127 | QSa lt L a k e | 3 1

Jester Wins ")" / 1"Â&#x201A;4 1"/8Â&#x201A;* 6Â&#x201A;=^EQÂ&#x201A;g<E DJ National Contest for

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by Dolores Prida & David Coffman Directed by Richard Scott

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Chita Rivera

LIMITED ENGAGEMENT!

Featuring some of the most evocative Latin music ever written, and brimming with the zest of life intrinsic to the Latin Culture!

Ă&#x2030;step ahead.

GayDays DJ Spot

Utah partiers know and love DJ Pete â&#x20AC;&#x153;Jesterâ&#x20AC;? Savas, a native New Yorker who had made a name for himself not only in Utahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s gay clubs and pride festivals, but at hot venues in such cities as Los Angeles, San Francisco, New York and Vancouver. But if his latest appearance on Gay Internet Radio Live is any indication, Savas â&#x20AC;&#x201D; whose nickname comes from his lively dancing in the DJ booth â&#x20AC;&#x201D; is about to get even more popular.

This month, Savas beat 139 entrants in G.I.R.L.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s GayDays DJ Competition, an American Idol-style radio show where gay and gay-friendly deejays compete for judge and listener votes until only one is left spinning. When Savasâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; 90-minute set of uninterrupted tunes won as their favorite, the Jester said he was â&#x20AC;&#x153;really surprised.â&#x20AC;? Although Savas had placed 12th during last yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s competition (the stationâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s first), the deejay savvy he had to beat out (including his friend, Pittsburghâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Tony Ruiz) was staggering. â&#x20AC;&#x153;There were some really, really stellar talents in this competition,â&#x20AC;? he said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I would sit there every week going, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Oh Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m gonna get cut!â&#x20AC;&#x2122; and every week it was a surprise to see my name show up in the ads on Monday.â&#x20AC;?

In the last few rounds of the competition, the radio station asked the remaining 12 deejays to create two 30-minute sets (voted on by judges). The six remaining then put together an hour-long set for listeners to vote on. Finally, the last three deejays put together 90-minute slots. The overall theme for the music: fun in the sun. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The idea was to give them [the sets] a pool party music feel,â&#x20AC;? said Savas. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It needed to be light and fun and the music youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d hear at a pool in the afternoon while sipping cocktails and having fun with your friends.â&#x20AC;?

The pool theme is appropriate not only because of the approaching warm months, but because of the grand prize: DJing at the pool party for Gay Days, a week-long party in Orlando, Fla. Includ-

ing parties, cocktail hours, concerts and, of course, visits to Disneyworld where Savas will be playing. The radio station will also cover his airfare and accommodations for the bash. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pretty much I get a chance to go to Florida and play at Disneyworld during the day and at Gay Days at night, and [I get to] attend some other parties,â&#x20AC;? he said. With Gay Days expecting 100,000 partiers this year, the opportunities for exposure and connections are â&#x20AC;&#x153;phenomenal,â&#x20AC;? said Savas.

The station will also give him his own show on G.I.R.L., which listeners can stream online or listen to on their iPhones (after downloading the proper application). As if all of this wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t enough, Savas will also get a turn behind the tables at an upcoming party at the Blue Moon Resort, Las Vegasâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; only gay menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s resort. He will spin on a Friday night between the prime hours of 10 p.m. to 2 a.m.

Although Savas regularly travels the country to deejay at clubs and parties (including LAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Lazy Bear Weekend, San Franciscoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s REAL BAD XVII and LAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Leather Weekend) he says that he sometimes has to struggle to be taken seriously, thanks to Salt Lake Cityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s reputation as a dull little town. â&#x20AC;&#x153;A lot of people donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t take you seriously because Salt Lake City is not considered a major mecca for deejay. Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got to be from New York or Los Angeles or San Francisco or Atlanta or Chicago to have people really look at you and go, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Wow youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a serious deejay and weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll book you.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve had more than a few promoters not want to book me because they donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t perceive Salt Lake City to be a hip enough place to be from.â&#x20AC;?

So will that change a little now that a deejay from â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;sleepyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; little Salt Lake will be spinning for one of the countryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s biggest gay parties? â&#x20AC;&#x153;I hope itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s changing. I hope itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s changing a lot,â&#x20AC;? he said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m hoping people are starting to take Salt Lake City more seriously not only for deejays to come out of but for deejays to play.â&#x20AC;?

Visit Savas on the Web at dj-jester.com.

His Web cast â&#x20AC;&#x153;Press Playâ&#x20AC;? is also available through Appleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s iTunes store.

32 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 127 | A pril 30, 20 09

THREE OF BROADWAY’S BRIGHTEST STARS LIGHT UP ABRAVANEL HALL WITH SONGS FROM Wicked, Chicago, Jersey Boys, Phantom of the Opera, Beauty and the Beast AND OTHER FAVORITES.

Doug LaBrecque

Lisa Vroman

Rachel York

The Phantom and Raoul in The Phantom of the Opera

Christine in The Phantom of the Opera, Fantine and Cosette in Les Misérables

Mallory in City of Angels, Fantine in Les Misérables and Norma Cassidy in Victor/Victoria

Conducted by Jerry Steichen New 2009-10 Principal Pops Conductor for the Utah Symphony

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DowntownSalt Lake City

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Enjoy 30 Restaurants for 30 Days!

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Text â&#x20AC;&#x153;DINEâ&#x20AC;? to: 801-808-4190 and be entered to win!

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Food Downtown Restaurants Offer Special Meal Pricing in May

The Salt Lake City Downtown Alliance has once again teamed up with 30 restaurants for the Spring Dine Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Round.

Restaurants offer 3-course meals for $15 or $30 and some have two-course lunches for $10.

No coupons, punch cards or any other hoops are required. Most have a special menu printed with their offering right at the table. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Dine Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Round is an ideal way to explore new restaurants or revisit old favorites,â&#x20AC;? said Andrew Wallace, marketing and development director for the Downtown Alliance.

Previous events lasted but a week, but this year dinners will be available the entire month of May, though some restaurants wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t offer the specials during Mothers Day. QSaltLake and TheQPages advertisers Cedars of Lebanon, Tin Angel Cafe, Sageâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Cafe, Bambara, Squatters, Market Street Grill and the New Yorker are participating.

For more information, see the Web site at dineoround.com or call 801-359-5118

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Bambara Restaurant New American Bistro menu w/ a â&#x20AC;&#x153;World of Flavorsâ&#x20AC;?

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Fabulous People Weston Clark Seeks Common Ground Among SL County Dems.

by JoSelle Vanderhooft

A

s many Utahns know, Salt Lake

City is becoming decidedly more gay- and transgenderfriendly even if the state legislature is dragging its feet on bills that would offer such citizens more legal protections.

So is Salt Lake County, for that matter. This year, the county’s council voted to extend health care benefits to same-sex partners of county employees. Democratic mayor Peter Corroon enthusiastically supported the vote and just as enthusiastically stood behind statewide gay rights group Equality Utah’s move to get local businesses to support its Common Ground Initiative.

During a February press conference for

the initiative at Oasis Café, Corroon unveiled the county’s new logo — which features the word “diversity.”

As the openly gay chair of the county’s Democratic Party, Weston Clark is now part of the mayor’s vision for a more diverse, more inclusive county.

Earlier this month, Clark again won the position at the Party’s convention, where he ran unopposed.

“It’s not the easiest job in the world,” Clark remarked, noting that chairing the party is “an unpaid super volunteer position.” “It’s not one people readily seek if someone’s willing to do it and does a good job.”

Clark has been doing a good job in the position since 2008, when his predeces-

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sor resigned just before that year’s convention. Then-vice chair of the party, Clark stepped up as acting chairman and into a whirlwind of excitement. The Clinton/Obama race for the Democratic Presidential Nomination was heating up and with it, several local Democratic campaigns. For the first time in years, Clark said he felt his party “had a chance across the board.”

As acting chairman, Clark had to coordinate and manage several “moving parts in the county,” including over 30 Democrats contending for positions from mayor to legislator. And then there was the fact that Barack Obama had opened up a campaign office in the Capitol.

“I don’t even know when was the last time that happened,” said Clark.

Soon he found himself working with ‘Utah for Obama’ and individual campaigns towards a common goal: to see more Democrats elected across the board.

“It’s a hard job,” he said. “There’s a lot of expectations that are on the party and the leader of the party, and not a lot of resources to fulfill those expectations.” Including not just money but volunteer hours.

“I enjoyed it and thrived on it,” he continued. “It was very enjoyable to see the results of our work and see we were successful.”

In November, Obama won a mandate and many county positions shifted from red to blue, including the majority of the council. Pleased with this success and feeling he had learned a lot during the election, Clark then decided to run for a full term as chairman in order to “take more ownership of the process.”

Although a few other Democrats had voiced interest in seeking the position, Clark said they deferred to him when he announced his intentions. (Elections for party positions are held during oddnumbered years — that is, non-election years.)

Clark said that so far his sexual orientation has not been an issue with any of the Democrats he serves.

“The Democratic Party is generally so welcoming of diversity that within the party I really haven’t experienced

any problem at all,” he said. “Not even once have I been confronted by somebody.”

Still, even within the so-called party of inclusion, Clark said there are Democrats who are not “fully understanding or accepting of gay people.” And these, said Clark, are Democrats with whom he endeavors to find common ground.

For example, he discussed the case of a precinct officer who e-mailed him expressing upset over what she saw as the party’s support of gay marriage.

“She was really offended and made remarks to gays being immoral,” said Clark, who noted that he drafted a lengthy response which he ended up not sending.

“It wouldn’t have been beneficial to write her back and condemn what she had said,” he explained. “That was hard to do because prior to being in the party I considered myself a pretty strong, politically-minded activist. Equality and gay rights were some of my personal issues and something I believed in [deeply].” And while these issues are still important to him as a gay man and a Democrat, Clark noted that they must “step to the side a little” in order to find agreement. In this sense, he favors Equality Utah and Obama’s approach to politics.

“As a Democrat, especially in Utah, we have to be accepting of a larger tent,” he said. “While some people may not completely agree with me on gay rights, they probably do agree with me on 95 percent of other Democratic issues. We have to take baby steps if we’re going to make any movement in this state. We have to listen and work with each other to come up with something that works, but still includes our ideals ... It’s a very gray area to walk in.”

But what isn’t gray at all for Clark is the mid-term elections in 2010. His biggest fear, he said, is that Democrats in Utah and across the nation will lose their hard-won gains in the face of a continually slumping economy and fallout from the Bush administration.

“The American public is generally very impatient, and if change isn’t happening immediately, there’s a political price to pay for that,” he explained. “I think Obama’s doing a good job in saying change won’t come immediately, that it’s a process and it’ll take awhile to see an effect, and I’m hoping he’s doing enough. So far it seems to be that way. Looking at the polls, people are still loving Obama ... but there’s always a bit of a backlash. A lot of the time it’s who’s most excited to get out and vote, and usually the backlash is the most excited.”

While Clark is currently the only gay officer in the Salt Lake County Democratic Party, former Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire emperor Alan Anderson also ran for treasurer. Anderson, however, lost to Holly Martak.

Clark said that he is hopeful Anderson will run again, or at least remain active as a volunteer in the party. Q

Q Sports Two Wheels Are Better Than Four a certified, licensed massage therapist.

“We have a wide array of cyclists at different levels.”

Wood maintains Cycle OUT’s Web site, plans outings and social events, sends e-mails to group members who have signed up on the Web site, and is usually ride coordinator and leader of many of the season’s rides.

“I’ll make the time to work with someone if needed,” said Wood. “If you are interested in leading rides, check out the Web site and you can sign up to lead your specific ride on the club’s calendar.”

The site lists other community sporting practices and other Salt Lake City cycling club rides and events, so anyone who wants to participate in Utah’s bicycling culture can participate with other groups. As cycling is an aerobic exercise when performed at a low intensity or over longer periods of time — running, swimming and other sport participation only helps build endurance to cycle longer, as it takes less energy to cycle one mile compared to walking the same mile.

“Being in my mid-30s with a small child, I don’t get into the gay bar scene,”

by Brad Di Iorio

Bicycling is an American past time with enthusiasts riding for the pleasure of being outside in nature, the exercise it provides or as transportation around their community. Cycle OUT Utah is a group of bike enthusiasts welcoming gay, lesbian, transgender, bi-sexual and straight friends to a cycling social club, offering bike rides around the Wasatch Front with a leader to providing training for Utah’s many organized cycling events, competitive races, endurance rides with fundraising requirements, or just themed cycling fun rides.

Formed last year, Jeffrey Wood, Adam Frost and Brandon Dillon created Cycle OUT to support Team TryAngles’ group effort in the annual MS Bike Ride, but also to grow an alternative group of gays and lesbian cycling enthusiasts who might like to meet and ride their bicycles, regardless of their experience or goals.

“I want to help people take care of their bike, while giving them the opportunity to have fun riding together on organized weekday or weekend rides,” said Wood, president of Cycle OUT. Wood is a spinning instructor and

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Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku is actually five seperate, but connected, Sudoku puzzles.

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3 8 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 127 | A pril 30, 20 09

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Jeff Wood and Brandon Dillon on a canyon ride. said Cycle OUT member, Judy Walter.

“This is an excellent way to keep ties to the community and make new friends with a mutual interest. And of course having others to cycle with, helps me to do it more often and push myself when I go. Both aspects are good for my health.”

Walter joined Cycle OUT last year after riding in bike MS two years ago. “I rode in the MS 150 with Team Try-Angles last year and it was very rewarding,” said Walter. “Due to the small number of women, we are very involved with the men in the group, but I would love for it to stay that way and not branch off into ‘boys vs. girls,’ as the camaraderie and energy is really great.”

Walter hopes to participate in Bonneville Cycling Club’s 23rd Annual Little Red Riding Hood Bicycle Ride (a women-only event), in June, to raise money for Women’s Cancer Research. “The fundraising events were much more successful and fun when done as a team than just one-on-one, approaching people for donations,” Walter said.

This year, Cycle OUT will actively recruit for greater participation from the community to be a part of Team Try-Angles entry in the annual bike MS, as the team was the only gay and lesbian team last year, according to Adam Frost, who will be the official team leader.

“Last year, 13 riders raised $12,000.

Almost everyone got a blue jersey and most received red jerseys,” said Frost, explaining levels of official shirts given to individuals for hitting goals in fundraising. “We had canopies, tents, food, massage tables, lights and inflatable furniture at our camp during the ride.”

The ride also provides breakfast, lunch and dinner on Saturday, and breakfast and lunch on Sunday, this year, June 27-28. Expect a slew of volunteers helping out with the various needs of the riders during the varying length rides.

“Gene [Gieber] from Try-Angles is a great supporter,” said Frost. “This

year Gene will donate $25 for each rider on Team Try-Angles to put toward their fundraising, and opens his house and the bar to holding a couple of fundraising events.”

Frost is an avid cyclist but had used his mountain bike for training and in previous MS rides. He bought his first road bike about three weeks before the ride last year, and noticed a huge difference in his performance ability. “I had volunteered for the ride in past years but my friend, Tony Furano, whose family helped start the ride and now is in charge of the lunch stop, talked me into getting on a bike and actually doing the ride,” said Frost, who is an out, 37-year-old, software engineer at an ad agency.

“We will be doing some training rides for the MS rides along with regular rides with Cycle OUT, and the Cyber Sluts will host their Bingo Bust, May 16, with all proceeds going to Team TryAngles.”

For more information about Cycle OUT, visit cycleout.org or email info@cycleout.org. To learn more about Team Try-Angles e-mail teamtryangles@gmail.com, info@cycleout. org, or Try-Angles’ Web site at clubtry-angles.com. To learn more about bike MS, visit cureMSutah.org.

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Q Health

STDs ... Again!

by Lynn Beltran, Salt Lake Valley Health Dept.

I

know it has actually been awhile

since I last wrote about any sexually transmitted diseases. Well, it’s that time again.

I’m writing a reminder because STD rates have been increasing for a while and affecting many communities — including the gay community. One of the most urgent issues has been the emergence of syphilis — primarily in the gay community. The frustrating thing about this disease is that one of our surgeon generals in the 1980s predicted we would one day eradicate it. But within the last seven years syphilis has made its way back into our very own backyards here in Salt Lake, no pun intended. Not only have the majority of our cases been gay men, but worse, we’re concerned that many of these men are also likely being infected with HIV at the same time. Combined with HIV, this illness can be more severe.

Syphilis is often referred to as the “great imitator” due to its ability to mimic the symptoms of many other diseases and also because it often leads to a suppressed immune system. Worse, many doctors have never seen syphilis in a patient, nor were they ever trained to look for it. For these reasons, it is often misdiagnosed and/or mistreated, and thereby allowed to progress.

Like I said, HIV also complicates the picture. Many men are being infected with HIV at or around the same time as their syphilis infection. The bacteria that causes syphilis is a spirochete (a kind of spiral-shaped bacteria) that is very insidious and virulent. Having syphilis and HIV at the same time can speed up the

Interview with Miss California Carrie Prejean Continued from page 7

people love each other and want to spend their lives together and make commitment and be financially intertwined and be faithful and, you know, permanent.

So, why should that be something that gay people can’t do? There’s gay people all around us all the time.

Carrie: Exactly, and this is nothing against gay people. I have a lot of friends that are gay. This is not a verbal attack on gay people. It’s just a matter of opinion, and the way that I was raised, the way that I was brought up, that was not an option. I knew I was going to marry a man growing up. And so, for me, it’s a biblical thing, it’s something that I was raised believing, um, that a marriage, you know, is between a man and a woman. Barack Obama even supports that. The majority of the people in our nation support that.

The secretary of state supports that. So, I don’t see anything wrong with it.

Rex: It’s hard to argue with. I mean, you’re right that 52 percent of California voters — Carrie: Because Barack Obama doesn’t agree with you, does that make him a bad president?

Rex: Uh, no, I kind of like Barack

damage syphilis causes, or make it even stronger. For example, both syphilis and HIV are known to strongly impact the immune system, weakening it enough that the infected individual is susceptible to many other diseases. Currently, health workers are speculating that some deaths being reported as AIDS-related are actually the result of undiagnosed syphilis in a person who also has HIV. So what does the public need to know?

If you are a male in Salt Lake County who is engaging in sex with other men, know that your risk is high for contracting syphilis and HIV at the same time.

Syphilis can be transmitted during anal or oral sex, and even during close skin-toskin contact or rubbing. Some people who have syphilis will develop non-painful lesions at the site of the exposure. This could occur in the genital area, the rectum, the mouth or throat. Sores can also manifest inside the shaft of the penis.

Since the sores are not painful, if they are in a location that is not visible, such as the rectum, you may not be at all aware that they are present. Syphilis-related sores greatly increase your risk of acquiring and transmitting HIV. If the sores are present in your mouth, that greatly increases your risk of acquiring HIV during oral sex.

As with almost all STDs, the solution is the much-revered condom. Condoms will provide significant protection against both syphilis and HIV. Even more important, don’t be complacent ... don’t think it won’t happen to you. It is happening, and it is happening frequently. Syphilis has made its way into our community and it is one of the reasons why HIV rates are increasing. Please protect yourself and don’t rely on your partner or your partners to protect you. Q

The Salt Lake Valley Health Department offers low cost testing for syphilis and HIV Monday – Friday. For more info call 801-534-4666.

Obama as a president, actually.

Carrie: I do, too.

Rex: I understand that you were raised to believe that marriage is between a man and a woman, and I understand that you grew up knowing that you were always going to marry a guy, but you’re heterosexual. Um, some people are born gay, maybe, you think?

Carrie: No, I don’t think so.

Rex: OK, so now we’re getting somewhere.

Carrie: I think it’s a behavior that develops over time.

Rex: Why would someone choose it, given that if you choose that, you get discriminated against?

Carrie: Um, because obviously Perez Hilton doesn’t think that there’s anything wrong with it.

Rex: No, but if being gay is a choice, rather than something you’re born with, why would you choose something that’s going to lead to your being discriminated against? What would be the motivation?

Carrie: I’m not sure what the motivation would be.

Rex: OK. Me either.

Handler: I’m sorry, Rex, we’ve got to move on to Channel 7. Q

A pril 30, 20 09 | issue 127 | QSa lt L a k e | 4 1

' 3

* % " : 4

4 " 5 6

3

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Tuesday – $1 drafts with DJ Mike Babbitt Wednesday – SUPERSTAR Karaoke with Travis Thursday – LIVE@JAM with Big City House spinning after Friday FIX with DJ:K Saturday THUMP with DJ TiDY 751 North 300 West Open Tues – Saturday at 5pm

42 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 127 | A pril 30, 20 09

Q Puzzle

Superman’s Ex Across 1 “You’re the Top” songwriter Porter 5 Like Fellini’s vita 10 “Beat it!”

14 Race track shape 15 Long, hard one of construction workers 16 Game played astride the wellhung 17 Gay romance drama of 1996 20 Walks like Sue Wicks?

21 Tickled-pink feeling 22 Tournament exemption 23 Neighbor of Leb. 24 With 28- and 42Across, gay-themed mystery film of 2008 28 See 24-Across 33 Writing that evokes feeling?

36 Song of Bloody Mary 38 Performed like Rufus Wainwright 39 Like the gas krypton 41 Blackball 42 See 24-Across 45 Orgasm, e.g.

48 One, for James M. Barrie 49 British noblemen 53 Land of writer E. Donoghue 54 Opponent of a horny male?

57 The Common Mkt. 58 With 60-Across, actress who played gay in the movies of this puzzle 60 See 58-Across 62 ___ instant 63 “So long!”

67 The Music Man setting 68 Court records 69 “A Room of One’s Own,” e.g.

70 Move the ball between your legs 71 Depilatory brand 72 Water threesome 73 Tab and Shift Down 1 Afr. or Eur. 2 Out partner 3 Composition of some beds 4 Mt. sign 5 With little light 6 Like chubby chasers’ targets 7 Sanction 8 Ambiguously Gay Duo attire 9 Poet Dickinson 10 Chose not to swallow 11 ___ fan tutte 12 In addition 13 Roger Rabbit, for one 18 Causeless Dean character 19 Song about donning gay apparel, e.g.

24 Delivery people, briefly 25 Piece-loving org.

26 South Beach souvenir 27 “Climb Ev’ry Mountain” experiences 29 Campbell of Martin 30 LBJ’s veep 31 Bonheur bathed in it 32 ___ Tin Tin 34 Memorial designer Maya 35 Stop with 36 Go straight?

37 ___ loss for words 40 Barry Humphries’ Dame 43 What guns shoot off 44 Hatcher of Desperate Housewives 45 Roddy McDowall in Planet of the Apes 46 Strut like a stallion 47 Put bubbles in 50 Made over 51 Street named for writer Harper?

52 Leftovers 55 Cruising, maybe 56 Rubber-stamps 59 Responder to “Bite me!”?

61 Common UFO shape 64 Hrs. in P-town 65 That, south of the border 66 Orange veggie answers on p. 47

Cryptogram

A cryptogram is a puzzle where one letter in the puzzle is substituted with another. For example: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! Has the solution: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! In the above example Es are all replaced by Cs. The puzzle is solved by recognizing letter patterns in words and successively substituting letters until the solution is reached.

This week’s hint: V = U Theme: A quote by out U.S. Rep. Jared Polis, D-Colo., referencing Matthew Shepard.

Dh tlevyk bh hfhp nexh wzzwyyhk slws cp sleth shp ohwxt, evx pwscep lwt rwcyhk se wkezs w rhkhxwy lwsh-jxcnht bcyy.

__ ______ __ ____ ____ ________ ____ __ _____ ___ _____, ___ ______ ___ ______ __ _____ _ _______ ____-______ ____.

4 4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 127 | A pril 30, 20 09

The Depot is a private club for members

Q S a l t LAapkrei l | 3 4 0 ,5 2 0 0 9 | i s s u e 1 2 7 | Q S a l t L a k e | 4 5

A private club for members 4 6 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 127 | A pril 30, 20 09

Support the Businesses that Support You

Q Tales

These businesses brought you this issue of QSaltLake.

Make sure to thank them with your patronage.

by Petunia Pap-Smear

T

he road to Park City is fraught

with danger and excitement.

One cold Saturday morning several winters ago, my sister Logan queens and I were having our regular potluck coffee klatch. One of the more culinarily-talented sisters brought a scrumptious coffee cake which would have made Bree Van de Kamp simply green with envy. The rest of us more challenged chefs provided an assortment of store-bought bagels and donuts, etc.

When the conversation had one of those seven-minute lulls, an inquisitive/nosy princess rummaged around in the entertainment center and discovered the latest “educational” video tape I had smuggled behind “The Zion Curtain,” and popped it into the VCR. I learned in princess finishing school that porn on display at a social gathering can be a faux pas, yet the attention of all was riveted to the TV and all my efforts to distract the queens with shiny objects and sugary snacks failed miserably.

After engaging in a highly caffeinated and passionate discussion concerning our favorite “educational” stars, we became weary of thrashing out the “artistic merits” of Bel Ami versus Falcon and needed a new diversion. What else to occupy the spare time of a gaggle of queens but shopping? We concocted a scheme to drive to Park City, shop at the outlet mall and then have a sumptuous dinner at the Claim Jumper Hotel Restaurant.

My 1975 Buick Electra land yacht, Queer-Tanic, already had two strikes

against her. As you may recall from previous chapters, during her first voyage she lost her battery; on the second voyage she lost her wheel. I was beginning to experience some trepidation at the thought of driving her more than five miles from the repair shop where Mr. Good-Wrench could fix her up and take all my money.

We decided that since Queer-Tanic had a questionable track record, we should not put all our queens in one basket, so to speak, and divided between two cars for added comfort and additional logistical support in the unfortunate event that She should strike an iceberg or encounter further mechanical difficulties.

The shopping was great. There are many shiny objects at the outlet mall to attract even the most reticent of queens.

Dinner was a triumph, although splitting the check 15 ways was a little daunting for our delightful but mathematically-challenged waiter.

All was right and good with the world until the return trip back to Logan began.

Upon starting Queer-Tanic’s engine, the alternator light came on. Being an avid listener of Car Talk, I felt I was equipped to handle this situation. While trying desperately not to chip a nail, I lifted the hood and attempted to tighten the alternator belt, using the tire iron as a lever, but to no avail. It was now very dark and the weather was freezing. We needed to get home or risk becoming ice sculpture attractions on Park City’s Main Street.

To maximize Queer-Tanic’s range

Like always these events leave us with Cryptogram: We should be even more appalled that in those ten years, our nation has failed many eternal questions: 1. Is it even possible to become weary to adopt a federal hate-crimes bill.

Puzzle Solutions Anagram: Troy Williams

1 4 9 3 6 8 5 2 7 9 7 3 8 2 4 5 1 6

4 6 2 1 3 5 9 7 8

3 7 2 9 5 1 8 4 6 1 8 5 6 9 7 4 2 3

2 6 1 4 3 9 7 5 8

9 3 4 8 7 5 6 1 2

7 1 9 5 6 3 2 8 4

6 5 8 4 1 2 7 3 9

7 8 5 6 1 2 4 9 3 2 3 4 9 7 8 1 6 5

5 9 7 3 8 1 6 4 2 7 8 9 5 1 3 2 8 6 9 7 4

3 4 1 2 5 6 8 9 7 5 1 3 4 2 6 5 9 7 3 8 1

8 2 6 7 4 9 3 5 1 6 2 4 8 9 7 1 4 3 2 6 5

9 6 8 2 4 7 3 5 1

1 3 4 9 5 6 2 7 8

7 2 5 1 3 8 9 6 4

3 9 2 8 5 1 4 7 6 3 9 5 1 8 2 5 9 7 6 4 3

6 8 4 9 7 2 5 1 3 8 6 2 7 4 9 1 6 3 5 8 2

5 1 7 3 6 4 2 8 9 4 7 1 6 3 5 8 4 2 7 9 1

8 1 3 6 2 9 4 7 5 4 3 8 6 9 7 1 5 2

5 2 6 4 7 1 8 3 9 1 5 9 2 4 3 8 6 7

9 7 4 3 8 5 1 2 6 2 7 6 5 1 8 9 3 4

4 5 1 2 3 8 9 6 7 9 4 3 7 8 5 6 2 1

2 9 8 7 5 6 3 1 4 7 6 5 1 2 9 3 4 8

3 6 7 9 1 4 2 5 8 8 2 1 4 3 6 7 9 5

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The Tale of Jumper Cables and Porn

6 5 8 7 2 4 1 3 9

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The Tales of Petunia Pap-Smear

with no functioning alternator we needed to conserve electricity, so I turned off the radio and heater. We sang camp songs for music and we had to huddle together for warmth. The windows all fogged totally opaque. I asked a cute boy sitting in the front seat to constantly wipe the fog off of the windshield so that I could see to drive, even though I was hunched closely over the steering wheel and gripping it tightly as if driving in the Indy 500. Since we still had to use the lights — and Queer-Tanic has a lot of lights — as we traveled down Parley’s Canyon, the headlights became gradually dimmer and dimmer.

Fortunately we were able to reach Salt Lake City before the lights went out altogether and the engine quit firing. Pulling off the freeway onto State Street while looking for aid, we stopped at the most handy parking lot available.

It just so happened to be the magazine store across from Sears, where certainly there was a ready supply of adult “educational” magazines. The younger princesses squealed with glee and ran quickly into the store “for warmth.” The more reserved queens shyly gravitated into the store when they thought no one was looking, also “to get warm.” Of course several of them returned carrying suspicious brown paper bags. Hmmmm?

Luckily I carried jumper cables, color coordinated with my nail polish, in the trunk. While the “girls” were inside the magazine store, we hooked up Queer-Tanic’s battery to the other car and charged it for a few minutes. It became readily apparent that the short charge would only last a very few miles. Since driving by the Braille method seemed too dangerous, we were frustrated that the jumper cables were too short to string between the two cars and be able to drive while connected, and stopping every 10 miles to charge up the battery with jumper cables from the second car would not be practical for the 100-mile trip back to Logan. In defeat, we drove to some friends’ house and begged to borrow their car to be able get the group safely back home before becoming popsicles.

I returned the next day, charged up the battery and since I didn’t need the lights, I was able to drive all the way to the repair shop in Logan. Strike three for Queer-Tanic.

of discussing porn?

2. Could jumper cables double as nipple clamps?

3. Should the color of jumper cables be coordinated to my nail color or the car color?

4. When huddling together for warmth, is groping your neighbor appropriate?

5. If I provided “services” to my mechanic, would he give me a discount?

6. Could I write off the alternator repair as an entertainment expense?

These and other important questions to be answered in future chapters of: The Perils of Petunia Pap-Smear Q

A pril 30, 20 09 | issue 127 | QSa lt L a k e | 47

Q

e g a P k c a B

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