QSaltLake April 2013

salt lake magazine

UTAH’S GAY, LESBIAN, BISEXUAL, TRANSGENDER AND ALLY

GaySaltLake.com

April 2013 Issue 217

Gay Weddings QSALTLAKE 1055 E 2100 S STE 206 SALT LAKE CITY UT 84106

KINGSBURY HALL PRESENTS George Q. Morris Foundation Bireley Foundation

April 4 | 7:30 pm Kingsbury Hall

801-581-7100 www.kingtix.com Warning: Adult language, puppet nudity and other hijinks may occur in this performance. This isn’t for the little ones!

the outrageous comedy familiar to all!

rossini’s

THE BARBER OF SEVILLE May 11, 13, 15 & 17 | 7:30 PM CaPitol theatre May 19 | 2 PM CaPitol theatre Jerry Steichen, Conductor The charming rosina wants to marry the dashing Count Almaviva, but both must outwit her older benefactor don Bartolo, who has his own designs on his young ward. Enter the clever barber Figaro, who not only sings the opera’s most famous tune but also helps to bring happy resolution to the hilarious confusion.

Tickets start at $13

Call (801) 355-artS (2787) or visit utahopera.org Sung in Italian with English supertitles

4 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | STAFF

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

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ıîįG ĤIJįG æ íʼn ğ į, ʼnP Q Join QSaltLake’s irreverent Petunia Pap Smear or another Matron of Mayhem on the most raucous bus to West Wendover, Nevada Get $5 cash back, a free buffet dinner, lucky bucks, free drinks and loads of fun!

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We leave the Club Try-Angles parking lot at NOON sharp and get back by 9pm For more information, visit

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6 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

news

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

10 things you should know happened last month HUNTSMAN COMES OUT IN FAVOR OF GAY MARRIAGE Former Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman announced his support for gay marriage, completing an evolution of public comments concerning gay rights “Today we have an opportunity to do more: conservatives should start to lead again and push their states to join the nine others that allow all their citizens to marry,” Huntsman wrote in an op-ed in The American Conservative. “I’ve been married for 29 years. My marriage has been the greatest joy of my life. There is nothing conservative about denying other Americans the ability to forge that same relationship with the person they love.”

He said religions would not be forced to perform or recognize gay weddings but all American deserve marriage equality.

While serving as Utah’s governor, Huntsman publicly voiced his support for civil unions and full anti-discrimination protections for the queer community.

COLORADO PASSES CIVIL UNIONS BILL Colorado lawmakers passed a bill that would create legal recognition and protections for gay couples. The civil union bill cleared the Colorado House and Senate after Democrats regained control of the House last November and openly gay Rep. Mark Ferriandino became speaker and ushered the legislation to passage. The bill does not include religious exemptions.

(Full stories at gaysaltlake.com.)

MORMON AUTHOR BOOTED FROM COMIC BOOK PROJECT Shortly after Mormon author Orson Scott Card was announced as a writer for a new Superman series, comic fans called for his ouster due to his anti-gay remarks. Chris Sprouse, the artist on the upcoming Adventures of Superman with Card recently announced he has left the project.

“It took a lot of thought to come to this conclusion, but I’ve decided to step back as the artist on this story,” Sprouse said in a statement. “The media surrounding this story reached the point where it took away from the actual work, and that’s something I wasn’t comfortable with. My relationship with DC Comics remains as strong as ever and I look forward to my next project with them.”

Card is best known for his Ender’s Game series of novels.

He has vocally supported outlawing homosexuality and “making an example” of those who violate the laws.

VATICAN BUYS EUROPE’S LARGEST GAY BATHHOUSE The Vatican purchased a complex which houses Europe’s largest gay bathhouse for more than $30 million. The bathhouse is located in Va Carducci and is part of a 12-room apartment for Cardinal Ivan Dias of India. The bathhouse, Europa Multiclub, will continue operation and its website says

GAY MISS. MAYORAL CANDIDATE MURDERED A 34-year-old gay politician was found dead near a Mississippi River levee and police have a suspect in custody.

Marco McMillian was running to be mayor of Clarksdale, Miss. and was remembered by friends as a friendly and caring person. Police have arrested Lawrence Reed, 22, who said he killed the candidate after he made unwanted advances.

Reed’s sister told police he confessed to her and said he used a wallet chain to strangle McMillian. The FBI is currently investigating the murder as a possible hate crime.

ORE. PRINCIPAL SAYS HE WAS FIRED FOR BEING GAY An Oregon principal said he is being let go because he is gay and he’s considering filing suit against the school district.

Tom Klansnic is the principal of North Gresham Elementary School and said the school board voted to not renew his contract because his divorced wife told teachers he is gay. The district has not commented on the situation. But his attorney, Judy Synder said it appears there’s ground for a suit.

“You have a principal who is highly successful who is in the middle of his third three-year contract. Then he comes out of the closet and he is divorcing, and suddenly his work becomes deficient and he is being micromanaged,” Sybnder said.

OBAMA SIGNS VIOLENCE ACT THAT INCLUDES GAYS President Barack Obama signed a renewal of the Violence Against Women Act that included queer-inclusive revisions that congressional Republicans tried to eradicate.

The measure includes protections and program funding for the queer community, undocumented immigrants and other minority groups.

“This victory shows that when the American people make their voices heard, Washington listens,” the president said in a press release.

TRANSGENDER WOMAN RAPED AT GUNPOINT A transgender woman was sexually assaulted by at least three men at a New York City hotel. Police said the 27-yearold woman was in a hotel room with one of the men when she kicked him out after an argument. The man returned with at least two other men and the three preceded to sexual assault the woman at gunpoint.

The victim was treated for bruises and abrasions as well as emotional trauma.

CARLY RAE JEPSEN, TRAIN PULL OUT OF BOY SCOUTS JAMBOREE Singer Carly Rae Jepsen and the band Train have backed out of performing at July’s Boy Scouts of America Jamboree, citing the organization’s ban on gay members. Jepsen, best known for her hit, “Call me Maybe,” tweeted: “As an artist who believes in equality for all people, I will not be participating in the Boy Scouts of America Jamboree this summer. I always have and will continue to support the LGBT community on a global level and stay informed on the ever changing landscape in the ongoing battle for gay rights in this country and across the globe.”

A representative from Train stated the company would reconsider if scouts changed their policies.

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april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

Poll showing overwhelming support for gay marriage According to a new Washington Post-ABC News poll, public support for gay marriage is at an all-time high as Americans increasingly see homosexuality not as a choice .

The poll shows that 58 percent of Americans now believe it should be legal for gay and lesbian couples to get married, up from a low of 32 percent in 2005; 36 percent now say it should be illegal.

The Supreme Court is soon taking up the issue of gay marriage next week, and nearly two-thirds of all Americans say the matter should be decided for all states on the basis of the U.S. Constitution, not with each state making its own laws.

Among young adults age 18 to 29, support for gay marriage is overwhelming, hitting a record high of 81 percent

in the new poll. Support has increased along all age groups, but those aged 65 years and above still believe it should be illegal with 50 percent opposing and 44 percent approving.

Fully 62 percent of Americans now say being gay is just the way some people are, not something people choose to be.

About 20 years ago, fewer than half of the public said so.

Democrats support gay marriage 72 to 23 percent while Republicans oppose it 59 to 34 percent. Independents also support it 62 to 33 percent.

The largest shift in belief over the past 10 years has been among older (65+) Democrats and left-leaning independents who have shifted from only 30 percent support in 2004 to 64 percent supporting gay marriage today.

Do you think it should be legal or illegal for gay and lesbian couples to get married?

58%

60%

40%

55% 41% 36%

20%

0%

SOURCE: WASHINGTON POST/ABC NEWS POLLS

2004

2005

Today: All Americans

Democrats

Republicans

2006

2007

2008

2009

2010

2011

2012

2013

8 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

Community rallies for housing and workplace nondiscrimination laws More than 100 people from various LGBT, minority and allied groups gathered on the steps of the Utah Capitol to show solidarity in the cause of passing a statewide nondiscrimination bill. A Utah Senate committee cleared the bill for a vote by the full Senate, but it did not receive the necessary support for a floor vote. However, the sponsor of the bill, Sen. Steven Urquhart, R-St. George, said the effort was not in vain and an important step forward in the process.

“I’m glad to be standing in the right place and I’m anxious to bring more people to this place,” Urquhart told the crowd.

“It’s a big victory and it’s very significant.

It’s a start. The time has come.”

Supporters of the bill need to talk to friends and neighbors to help build a coalition of support for the measure so it will be passed next year, he said. As a part of a coalition, representatives from the NAACP, La Raza and other minority groups spoke at the rally calling on lawmakers to outlaw discrimination based on gender identity and sexual orientation.

Legislators who voted for the nondiscrimination bill deserve praise and those who do not yet support it need to receive encouragements, said Archie Archuletta, of the Latino rights group, La Raza.

“Though we lost, it was a good beginning. And next year we promise to beat the hell out of them,” Archuletta said. “Even

the frightened characters up there had to listen because right is right and it will always triumph.”

As part of the effort to pass the bill next year, queer people and allies need to share stories of discrimination and encourage neighbors and family to ask legislators to support nondiscrimination efforts, said Equality Utah Executive Director Brandie Balken.

“Today in our state people are facing discrimination based on their sexual orientation and gender identity. And there’s one way that we change that and we do that by standing together. And that’s why we’re here together,” Balken said. Q To share a story of discrimination, go to utahvalues.org.

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april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

Group to challenge Utah’s Amendment 3 in Court Much like Proposition 8’s journey through the courts, a new group in Utah is planning a court battle against the ban on gay marriage in Utah. Restore Our Humanity is a coalition of community members working with a legal team to launch a challenge to Utah’s Amendment 3, which was passed in 2004.

The group’s efforts are still in a beginning phase and many details, such as the exact lawyers and firms participating in the challenge, are not ready to be released, said spokesperson Matt Spencer. The court challenge is specific to Utah and offers a chance for the community to seek legal recourse for a wrong, he said.

“This is a Utah issue, period,” Spencer said. “It’s so great to see what’s happening around the country and there is so much movement and energy behind this movement.”

The group has been meeting regularly to start planning specifics, including where to take the court challenge, who should represent the community and how to pay for all the efforts. The first fundraiser will take place on the evening of April 7 at Zest Restaurant, 275 S. 200 West.

“This is really exciting. It’s about more than just LGBT rights. It’s about human rights in general and speaking out

anytime anyone is treated as a second-class citizen,” Spencer said.

Utah’s Amendment 3 was passed by the Utah Legislature, as well as more than 70 percent of Utah voters. The amendment defined marriage as a union between one man and one woman and barred equal legal recognition for any other union. Utah is one of 30 states with similar constitutional measures and in 2012, Minnesota voters were the first to reject a constitutional ban on gay marriage.

In 2008, leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints publicly backed California’s Proposition 8 and had a letter read to all members that encouraged them to “do all you can to support the proposed constitutional amendment by donating of your means and time.”

The measure has been challenged in state and federal courts and the U.S. Supreme Court is expected to rule on it in June. Depending on how the Court rules, Utah’s legal challenge could be shaped differently.

“We really want people to know about what Restore our Humanity is doing and that they can be a part of this amazing effort,” Spencer said. Q restoreourhumanity.org.

This Year’s Theme:

Closer

Saturday, April 20th 8:00 - Midnight Salt Lake City Library 210 E 400 S

Tickets on Sale @ Utah Pride (355 N 300 W)

$5 in advance $10 at the door Art by Tomothan

Join us at the YAC for a pre-prom party hosted by the Utah QSA Network! Come to the YAC from 4-6pm to get dolled up for prom with your friends.

Thank You to Our Sponsors:

On Facebook - utahprideyac www.UtahPrideCenter.org

DecideToDrive.org

news_4column.indd 4

2/23/11 9:22 AM

10 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

Ogden gay activist announces bid for Ogden City Council Queer rights activist, volunteer and politico Turner Bitton has announced his bid for Ogden City Council. His race will pit him against Doug Stephens in Ogden City’s Third District. We spoke with Bitton about his motivation for running, his political history and how people can help him in his bid. Those who would like to participate can call him, 801-564-3860 or email him bitton.politico@gmail.com. Visit turnerbitton.com for more information.

Why did you decide to run?

I’ve been a member of this community since my partner, Christian, and I first met.

In 2010 as president of the Weber State Gay-Straight Alliance, I worked with the city to pass a nondiscrimination ordinance.

That year, I watched the city’s administration and members of the city council stall passage of the ordinances time and again.

It was then when I resolved to run for city council at the next election.

Another reason for my decision was because of OUTreach. Through OUTreach, many find a place of acceptance and warmth, and they deserve a leader who will create inclusive policies and who will work to strengthen the neighborhood we call home. If successful, I will have the distinct pleasure of representing the district that houses Ogden OUTreach.

As a member of the council I will work diligently with our various non-profits, our university, and members of our community to support the important work that organizations like OUTreach do. One of the greatest opportunities we have as a representative is to solve the problems

Square Dancing Group invites all Utah’s queer square dance club, Temple Squares, will hold two dances, March 23 and April 27, 7-9 p.m. in the Columbus Center at 2531 S. 500 East. Everyone is welcome, regardless of ability and these events are a terrific opportunity to become more familiarized with square dancing.

The club will also host a “fly in” with two international callers May 3-5. This year, Anne Uebelacker from Canada and

of the community and the best way to do that is to empower every member of our community.

Are there any issues in particular that you’re focused on, considering Ogden already has anti-discrimination ordinances?

Ogden City has made great progress in recent years and that legacy can only be made stronger with greater protections for LGBT people. I’m proud that Ogden is one of many municipalities to protect LGBT people in housing and employment, but the next step is to protect LGBT people in public accommodations to further prevent discrimination against our citizens. As a councilman, I will champion legislation that prevents discrimination in public accommodations, and legislation that also creates a domestic partner registry for couples in Ogden City.

What’s your political history?

My interest in politics developed in high school and has been strong ever since. It has taken many forms and involved many causes but recently I have been heavily involved in the Democratic Party. I currently serve on the board of the Utah Stonewall Democrats and I am the secretary of the Weber County Democratic Party. Nothing has been more satisfying to me than being a part of the historic presidency of Barack Obama and seeing the many changes that Democrats have been working toward.

How can people help your candidacy?

At this stage in the campaign, the need for financial support is crucial. A donation of any amount allows me to get my message Hunter Keller from Billings, Montana will be featured. The event is a lead-in and practice for the International Association of Gay Square Dance Convention. This year it is hosted July 4-7 in San Francisco where more than 1,000 gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender square dancers will gather.

In 2014 Salt Lake City will play host to the worldwide convention. Square dancers from around the world will flock to the Grand America Hotel for “Squeeze the Hive.” templesquares.org or email slcsquaredancing@gmail.com.

out to as many people in my district as possible. As I’ve been out canvassing my district, I’ve realized that the potential to win is very high. To get my message out will require financial resources to support my media outreach and campaign strategy.

I would personally love to talk to anyone interested in my campaign.

How is the environment for LGBT people in Ogden? Do you think it’s improving?

Ogden is a great place to live and I believe that every day it’s getting better. I’m concerned that so many LGBT people feel they cannot make a decent life here and must go to Salt Lake. One of my primary goals is to make Ogden a place where everyone puts roots down and becomes part of a welcoming community. The vibrancy and wonderful environment that Ogden provides is world-class and the policies of the city should reflect this.

Any last words for QSaltLake readers?

I would just like to say that electing fairminded candidates outside of Salt Lake County is extremely vital. I’ve been active in this community and will continue to do everything I can support it. I believe my campaign is an opportunity for this community to elect one of its own in a city that has so much potential to be a welcoming place for the LGBT community. I would also like to thank all of those who have made my story possible. A few years ago I was a scared teenager struggling for acceptance and now I am with my best friend in life and living a dream I didn’t think was possible. This is the purpose of local government, to build strong communities that welcome all of us home. Q

NEWS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 11

april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

qmmunity Love Utah Give Utah Utah Pride is encouraging all residents of Utah to contribute to nonprofit organizations through a one-day online giving event, Love UT Give UT. Their goal for the 24-hour period is to raise over $25,000 in support of their Queer Action Project, which is made up of: Zero Bully, Family Preservation, Out of the Smoke, Creating TransAction, Keeping Kids Safe, Getting Centered and Marriage Equality.

Donors can schedule their donation in advance and help reach the goal.

WHEN: March 22 INFO: loveutgiveut.razoo.com/story/Utahpride

Drag for Dollars A collaboration of social work students from the University of Utah and Utah’s queer community are organizing a fundraiser to benefit the Volunteers of America homeless youth program. The fundraiser will highlight drag performers, dances, raffles, silent auctions and catering. Also back by popular request is the shipped cream contest. Host Club JAM will also donate a portion of drink sales to the VOA. WHEN: April 19, 8 p.m.

WHERE: Club JAM, 751 N. 300 West INFO: facebook.com/jamslc

Final Big Gay Fun Bus of the season Spring has sprung and a young boy’s and young girl’s fancy turns to thoughts of ... another Big Gay Fun Bus to West Wendover, Nevada! Featuring the Matrons of Mayhem and a rowdy bus load of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and friendly straight gamblers looking for a great time.

You can head on over first to the incredible buffet at the Montego Bay or Rainbow casinos, or wait until the prime rib dinner buffet – it’s all included with your ticket.

This charity fundraiser has become a favorite fun event for gay and straight riders alike.

Find out what all the talk is about.

WHEN: Saturday, April 6, 11:45am WHERE: Leaving Club Try-Angles, 251 W 900 South INFO: BigGayFunBus.com

Utah Stonewall Democrats’ annual “Oh no, They Didn’t!”

Join the Utah Stonewall Democrats for the third annual legislative wrap-up. Speakers include Reps. Mark Wheatley, Jen Seelig, Angela Romero and Sens. Jim Dabakis and Luz Robles.

Performance by the Matrons of Mayhem.

WHEN: March 30, 4 p.m.

WHERE: Market Street Grill 2985 E. 6580 South, Salt Lake City

Youth Costume Party

Holi Festival of Colors Holi is the Festival of Colors, a traditional Indian holiday celebrated in an innovative fashion. Chalk throwings are held periodically throughout the day. Shuttle services will be made available on the days of the festival. Holi admission tickets and bags of colors are available for sale at the Krishna Yoga Store at 965 E. 3370 South, Salt Lake City. The festival will be held at the temple in Spanish Fork.

WHEN: March 30-31 WHERE: 311 W. 8500 South, Spanish Fork INFO: utahkrishnas.org

“8” the play at Utah Valley University The Utah Valley University Spectrum Club is proud to sponsor readings of the new docudrama by Dustin Lance Black. This reading, directed by David Beach, will be presented by students and alumni from Utah Valley University and Brigham Young University.

This is the first time this play will be presented in deeply conservative Utah County.

WHEN: March 29–31 WHERE: UVU Science Auditorium INFO: uvu.edu/campusconnection

A super hero costume party will be held on March 22, 6-9 p.m. for youth aages 14 to 20

by Out of the Smoke, Utah Pride’s antitobacco group. The party will be held at the Utah Pride Center, 361 N. 300 West, and will include food, dancing and prizes.

“The Tobacco Industry has bullied the LGBTQ community for decades. Whether they are leading a marketing effort called Project SCUM, directed at addicting young gay and lesbian people to tobacco or fighting against equal rights at the legislative level, they are targeting us,” said Gabe Glissmeyer, Out of the Smoke spokesman. “This party is your chance to have fun while letting Big Tobacco know that our community is made up of super heroes who aren’t buying the death wish that they are selling.”

WHEN: March 22, 6–9 p.m.

WHERE: Utah Pride Center, 361 N. 300 West INFO: utahpridecenter.org

Bingo for Baritones The Matrons of Mayhem will be raising money for the Salt Lake Men’s Choir at their April Third Friday Bingo. Members of the choir will be there and can probably be cajoled into doing a number or two.

WHEN: April 19, 7–9 p.m.

WHERE: First Baptist Church, 777 S. 1300 East INFO: Matrons of Mayhem on Facebook

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12 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

Wrapup: Politicos see promise in this year’s Utah Legislative Session, though no big prizes

BY SETH BRACKEN

The 2013 Utah Legislature resulted in historic steps for nondiscrimination, a bill aimed at stopping teen suicide and inclusive dating protections. At a rally during the last days of the legislative session, openly gay Sen. Jim Dabakis called the movement important progress and an important start.

We’ve recapped some of the major moments in the session.

NONDISCRIMINATION Although a bill that would have banned discrimination based on gender identity and sexual orientation cleared a Utah Senate committee, it never made it to a full Senate vote. Bill sponsor Steven Urquhart, R-St. George, said he was proud of the progress and conversations that were started, but the bill did not have the necessary support to become law.

Sen. Steven Urquhart, “We will make R-St George sure it’s against the law to discriminate in employment and housing based on gender identity and sexual orientation,” Urquhart said. “This isn’t about special rights. This is about equal rights.”

SB 262 simply would have added a few lines to existing Utah statue about discrimination, he said.

“If we’re for equal rights, let’s vote for equal rights,” he said.

Shortly after the bill died, more than 100 people from various LGBT, minority and allied groups gathered on the steps of the Utah Capitol to show solidarity in the cause of passing a statewide nondiscrimination bill.

Supporters of the bill need to talk to friends and neighbors to help build a coalition of support for the measure so it will be passed next year, Urquhart said. As a part of a coalition, representatives from the NAACP, La Raza and other minority groups spoke at the rally calling on lawmakers to outlaw discrimination based on

gender identity and sexual orientation.

Legislators who voted for the nondiscrimination bill deserve praise and those who do not yet support it need to receive encouragements, said Archie Archuleta, of the Latino rights group, La Raza.

“Though we lost, it was a good beginning. And next year we promise to beat the hell out of them,” Archuleta said. “Even the frightened characters up there had to listen because right is right and it will always triumph.”

The bill’s process and committee hearing is a large evolution from previous years and an important step forward, Dabakis said. Conversations will continue with lawmakers, community members and religious leaders throughout the year and another bill will be sponsored in the next session, Dabakis said.

“We’ve made a huge leap this year toward equality,” Dabakis said.

The bill’s passage depends on more Utahns voicing their support of the ordinances over the next year and letting legislators know equal protection is a large priority, said Equality Utah Executive Director Brandie Balken.

“Equality Utah works, not just to run legislation, but to pass legislation,” Balken said. “It’s incredibly important to acknowledge the work of Sen. Urquhart and Sen. Dabakis as well as tens of thousands of Utahns to take the bill to where it is today.”

Balken said Equality Utah will continue working in Utah municipalities and with other lawmakers to advance similar ordinances around the state.

Although the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints supported a similar measure in Salt Lake City in 2009, church spokespeople have been silent on the matter since. Dabakis said conversations about gaining the church’s vocal support for a statewide law will continue over the next few weeks.

“Look along generational lines. More and more people are getting it. I am very optimistic for the future. I am a little late to the party, but I’m very glad I’m here,” Urquhart said.

SECOND-PARENT ADOPTION Rep. Rebecca Chavez-Houck, D-Salt Lake City, sponsored a second-parent adoption bill which would have allowed unmarried partners to jointly adopt children. While Utah law does not single out gay couples, the ban on unmarried partners from adopting effectively bars gay couples from jointly adopting.

The bill never received a committee assignment or public Rep. Rebecca ChavezHouck, D-Salt Lake City debate. Although she has run the bill since 2008, it has never been voted on by a full House or Senate body.

“I hear the horrific stories of where a child knows two individuals and the biological mom or dad dies and this other partner, who this child knows, has no legal right to that child,” Chavez-Houck said. “I can’t imagine being in that situation, having lost one parent and the other parent isn’t your parent. I think that’s a horrible thing to do to a family.”

While the bill has never made it out of committee, it is an important issue for many gay family members and those who would like to adopt in the future, she said.

BULLYING The first bill aimed at bullying and preventing teen suicide cleared the Utah Legislature this year. The bill requires school districts to offer seminars on teen suicide and bullying.

It also requires schools to notify parents if any bullying or suicidal intentions are reported.

Bill sponsor Rep. Steve Rep. Steve Eliason, Eliason, R-Sandy, R-Sandy said he sponsored the bill after hear-

NEWS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 13

april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

ing about student suicides in his area several years ago. He said a father of one of the children who committed suicide asked him to help.

Nine of ten gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender students report having been bullied, according to a 2011 Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network report. The study also finds LGBT teens are three times more likely to report being bullied than straight teens and more than 30 percent have attempted suicide.

DATING VIOLENCE PROTECTIONS Utahns who are attacked or threatened by a dating partner will be able to seek a protective order after the Utah Legislature passed a new dating violence protection act.

Sen. LaVarr Christensen tried to insert an amendment into the bill that could have barred gays and lesbians from seeking the same protective orders. Christensen, who has sponsored anti-gay legislation in the past and is one of the authors of Utah’s Amendment 3, wanted to define dating as a precursor to marriage.

However, since gay couples are unable to get married in Utah, proponents of the bill feared it would unfairly discriminate against same-sex dating partners.

“If they’re going to talk about a dating relationship, it recognizes there is such a thing as public morality,” Christensen said. “We don’t look the other way and say there aren’t standards that apply to any situation prior to marriage.”

Sen. Scott Jenkins said he was not sure the bill was necessary and said when couples start dating there is exploration and “rough housing.”

Christensen’s proposed amendment was not passed and the bill went through to passage in the House and Senate.

ALCOHOL Although a bill that would have removed a requirement for new Utah restaurants to construct a Zion Curtain

fun & fr lic

consignment shop

Yo u r r e n e w a b l e r e s o u r c e f o r fun-loving, easy-living g e a r, c l o t h i n g & a c c e s s o r i e s Sen. John Valentine, R-Provo

cleared the Utah House, it did not make it through the Senate. The so-called Zion Curtain requires Utah restaurants built or opened since 2009 to have a 7-foot-2 barrier to block restaurant patrons from viewing where alcoholic drinks are prepared or poured.

Sen. John Valentine, R-Provo, sponsored the original bill instating Utah’s Zion Curtain and he led the effort to keep the wall in place.

“It changes it into a bar-like atmosphere,” Valentine said.

Rep. Ryan Wilcox, R-Ogden, tried to remove the wall and argued that there is no clear evidence the sight barrier has any positive impact or stops underage drinking. Instead, he said the wall unfairly punishes new restaurants and gives Utah a bad reputation for being unfair and having strange liquor laws.

“We have no evidence that they do what they were intended to do,” Wilcox said of the wall. “The average Utahn doesn’t walk into a Chili’s and see a bar.”

There were some changes to Utah alcohol legislation, including creating a master license that will allow restaurant chains to get a single license.

Liquor, wine and beer tastings were also given an OK from the Utah House and Senate.

All of the bills mentioned still need approval from Utah Gov. Gary Herbert. Q

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14 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

Gay Ogden man loses big on ‘Biggest Loser’

BY SETH BRACKEN

Ogden, Utah activist and volunteer Jackson Carter lost big on NBC’s Biggest Loser — to the tune of 138 pounds and 42 percent of his body weight. He is being lauded as first openly gay contestant on the show and made it all the way to the last show, coming in an impressive third place.

We caught up with Carter to chat about his motivation for going on the show, what it’s like behind the scenes and

how he’s handling his new-found fame.

Why did you decide to audition for The Biggest Loser? I auditioned because I saw it as an excellent opportunity to take control of something I’ve always struggled with: my weight. Back then, I was in a bit of a slump and knew I needed a change. Plus, it would be an excellent opportunity to show the kids I mentor at Ogden OUTreach what you can accomplish when you tackle your problems head-on. So I went to the audition in Salt Lake City and couple months later ended up on the show.

What has been the most surprising/ unexpected aspect of your experi-

ence? Probably the thing I least expected to come out of the experience was what an impact is has on all of its viewers. On the show, it’s easy to forget that what we’re doing is going to be broadcast to millions of people around the world. Loser is unique in that it’s not like any other reality competition show. People don’t tune in to watch the drama, they tune in to get motivated and feel empowered to make a change in their life. Since it started airing in January I have been reached out to by people all over the world saying things like, “You make me want to lose weight” and, “My daughter is gay and seeing you on the show has made me come to terms with her sexuality.” I’m just so thrilled that my story is impacting so many people in a positive way.

You’ve spoken with other publications, including The Advocate. When you joined the show, did you think you’d become a celebrity? Like I said, I had no idea how much people get inspired by the show. People, particularly in Utah it seems, love watching the show and are not afraid to tell me how much they love it. I get stopped everywhere I go by fans wanting to know everything. I’m still getting used to it all, but I’m happy I’m in the media for a good reason.

You’ve been heralded as the first openlygay contestant on the show. Do you feel pressure from that distinction? I never really felt any distinction on the ranch because of my orientation. For all my life, I have considered my sexuality a non-issue. But now that people are telling me that they are positively impacted by me coming out to all of America, I’m glad

I did it. It’s important to have positive, queer role models in the media and if I can be one of them, I am definitely willing to share my story.

What is the experience like when the cameras are turned off? Working out all day can be a little boring, but living with the cast was an amazing experience.

They are some of the most loving, fun people to be around and I have made friends there that I will have for the rest of my life. Every day is an adventure and I couldn’t have asked for a better cast or crew to work with.

Do you have any advice for other people trying to lose weight? You are going to try a million things before you find the thing that works. And the sad truth is that the stuff that works for me isn’t going to work for everyone. The advice I would give is never give up! Keep trying new exercise plans and eating habits until you find what works for you. Also, there’s power in numbers. I wouldn’t have been nearly as successful as I was on the show if it weren’t for the trainers, cast and crew. Find a group with similar goals and work together and hold each other accountable for them. You’ll be amazed at how easy it is to reach a goal when you have a support team.

You’ve talked about your experiences being bullied. Can you share with us what that was like? The bullying started when I was very young [preschool]. I was born on an Indian reservation in eastern Utah and was one of only a few white kids in the school. The white kids would get rocks thrown at us and called names. I would go home every day crying because I didn’t have any friends at school. And while my family was very supportive and loving, their solution for any problem was food. Turning to food for comfort became a pattern that proved hard to break which lead to weight gain. After I figured out I am gay in middle school, I really started to fall into a depression.

I lived in terror everyday because I was afraid someone was going to find out and hate me for it… or worse. It wasn’t until I found Ogden OUTreach when I really started to blossom. Having a group of queer teens to hang out with and gay men to look up to was exactly what I needed. That’s where I realized that I’m not broken or alone. There are tons of us out there. And now that I am getting my weight under control, I am, for the first

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april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

time ever, happy with myself.

Did your experiences motivate you to become involved with Ogden OUTreach?

Definitely. OUTreach helped me in more ways than I can count. Because of them, I learned to love myself. They also helped me get into college and to this day, the mentors I had when I was 14 years old still play a huge role in my life. I wanted to pay that forward by becoming a volunteer when I was 18. I am now the volunteer coordinator and a member of the board of directors.

What’s the purpose and mission of

OUTreach? Our mission is to pave the way for happy, healthy lives for LGBTQ+ people and our allies. We operate a youth resource center where teens and young adults can come by on Wednesdays and Thursdays for a plethora of services. We offer a warm meal, cooking and music classes, comprehensive sex education courses, homeless youth resources, bullying and suicide prevention. Name a resource and we either have it or can get it. We also recently partnered with Mormons Building Bridges for the Safe and Sound project; a network of loving LDS homes willing to do emergency intake of youth who are ejected from their homes

by their parents. We offer counseling and mediation for the family with the ultimate goal of reuniting the child with their family. But probably the most important thing we offer to the youth is a safe environment where they are free to express and explore themselves. OUTreach is an incredible program and I can’t speak highly enough about it.

Any last words for your Utah fans? Remember that no matter what you want in life, you can achieve it if you really put the work in. Nothing is out of your limits. And if you see me running around town somewhere, feel free to stop and say, “Hi!”

Ogden OUTreach: a small group with big impact

BY AUSTIN MILLER-ANDERSON

In November 2011, Ogden OUTreach Resource Center hired a new executive director. Until then, many Utahns had never heard of Ogden OUTreach. In the beginning of 2012 the new director, Marian Edmonds, was committed to making a change in the community and making the OUTreach Resource Center known. OUTreach participated in most of the LGBTQ events that took place in Northern Utah last year. OUTreach has changed the city of Ogden and Weber Country tremendously.

But how could this one organization have such a big impact?

In 2012 OUTreach has transitioned from a local drop-in center to a fullfeatured organization with educational programs, wellness programs and activities for youth. It has also saved lives by transforming communities in Utah and beyond. There are now more than 20 centers modeled directly on OUTreach Resource Center throughout the country and more are on the way. OUTreach is open every Wednesday and Thursday night as a center for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth and allies.

Available to the youth are psychologists Dr. Heather Ambrose and Dr. Teri Kay, a resource center with food, clothing and supplies for homeless youth and youth in need, healthy meals, a library and many other useful tools and resources.

Classes and workshops include healthy sexuality, art, music, cooking, exercise, education and vocational opportunities, support groups and special guest speakers. In July, the organization held its first annual youth summit aimed at teaching the general community about the issues surrounding the gay community. The same event is planned for this summer. Along with the youth summit, there were forums held throughout the year on topics such as bullying and suicide, and in early May a vigil was held at the Ogden Amphitheater for victims of suicide with more than 400 in attendance.

In the coming months, the Center will be working on community safety, advocating for safe schools and antibullying education, as well as putting extra emphasis on homeless LGBT youth.

A survey conducted at the Center has shown that 27 percent of the attending youth are homeless, which is increasing as time passes. The volunteer population at the center has skyrocketed from 18 in the beginning of 2012 to 36 at the end. Youth attendance has also tripled in the past year. The largest project currently taking place is the Safe and Sound Host Home Program which matches up homeless LGBT youth with welcoming families.

Mormons Building Bridges are active supporters of Safe and Sound, help-

Ogden OUTreach’s Peggy Bonn, Jackson Carter and Marian Edmonds

ing with the particular focus the program has to prevent Mormon LGBT youth from homelessness and encouraging Mormon families to welcome and support youth.

Volunteer coordinator Jackson Carter has also been very busy as the first openly gay contestant on The Biggest Loser. He is planning to teach youth the importance of physical fitness and living a healthy life. NBC has taken more than 20 hours of video footage to use for the popular TV show, which has brought national attention. With all that, nothing is greater than the leadership and actions of the attending youth. Youth who attend are taking enormous steps to do their part in the community by starting a radio show on Weber State University’s 88.1 FM station to discuss healthy living.

Over the past year, OUTreach Resource Center and its members have made a triumph in overcoming many of the battles of growing up gay in Utah. Although they can’t completely vanquish the aforementioned challenges, they are taking them head-on. Q

16 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

not as i do DELAWARE REPUBLICAN ARRESTED ON SUSPICION OF CHILD ABUSE A former Republican candidate for the Delaware Senate with ties to the Tea Party was indicted on charges that he sexually abused a child. Eric Bodenweiser was arrested last fall on 74 counts of unlawful sexual contact, according to the News Journal. He is accused of abusing victims between 1987 and 1990. He is an entrepreneur that owns a chain of dairy stores. He is also a member of the Delaware Family Policy Council, which is a group of ardent opponents to marriage equality.

CATHOLIC CHURCH SETTLES SEX ABUSE CASE FOR $10 MILLION The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Los Angeles will pay $10 million to settle a case alleging abuse by a former priest who admitted he molested children.

Plaintiffs in the case say that ex-priest Michael Baker told Cardinal Roger Mahony nearly 30 years ago he had molested children.

The case was set to be heard in April

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

and a judge gave permission for plaintiffs to seek punitive damages in the case. Two claims said Mahony didn’t do enough to stop Baker from abusing children. The case claims Mahony shielded priests from prosecution to hide the church from scandal.

TEXAS WOMAN ARRESTED FOR BEATING GAY SON A Texas woman was arrested for beating her 15-year-old son after walking in on him having sex with her 18 year-old cousin. Erica Moore told police when she walked in on her son having a sexual encounter with another man she was so disgusted she had to beat him with an electrical cord. She told police she has no remorse and that homosexuality is a sin, so she did the right thing by attacking her son. She said her Christian family tradition would not allow for gay people and it’s within her parental right to beat her child. The president of the Texas Southern Christian Leadership Conference denounced the arrest, saying, “Texas Penal Code 9.61 gives her the legal rights and the Holy Bible gives her the religious rights to discipline her child the best way she knows how.”

Quips&Quotes

“

I just want it [gay marriage] to hurry up and not be an issue anymore! I’m very proud of the work that has been done so far, I want us to hurry it up a bit more. I think it’s important to say this because a lot of people think if you’re religious or you have any sort of faith, you’re automatically against equality in marriage. I speak as a Christian person, and as a woman and as an artist. I would love nothing more than for my friends who love each other to get married.”

—Kristen Chenoweth

Chipotle cancels sponsorship of Utah Scout-O-Rama After protests from several civil rights groups, restaurant chain Chipotle cancelled its involvement with a Utah Boy Scouts event. The restaurant had originally agreed to provide lunch for the annual Scout-ORama, which will be held later this summer.

When ThinkProgress.org and other websites questioned the involvement due to the Scouts’ anti-gay stance, Chipotle spokesperson Chris Arnold said the company will not support groups that are not inclusive. “[W]e have terminated our sponsorship of this event,” Arnold wrote in an email. “[C]ommunity support decisions like this are made in a decentralized way and this one was inconsistent with our own policy. We believed that terminating the sponsorship and remaining consistent with our policy was the right thing to do, and we have reinforced our policy with the team that makes these decisions to try to prevent similar issues in the future.”

Chiptole’s policy states the company “will not support organizations that discriminate against a person or a group on the basis of age, political affiliation, race, national origin, ethnicity, gender, disability, sexual orientation or religious belief.”

The Salt Lake Tribune reported that corporate fundraising for the Scout-O-Rama is down to $7,000 from $80,000 in previous years.

“

It’s not the contraception, everybody thinks it’s about contraception, but what this court case said was young people have the right to engage in sex outside of marriage. Society never gave young people that right, functioning societies don’t do that, they stop it, they punish it, they corral people, they shame people, and they do whatever. The institution for the expression of sexuality is marriage and all societies always shepherded young people there, what the Supreme Court said was forget that shepherding, you can’t block that, that’s not to be done.”

—American Family Association senior fellow Pat Fagan

“

Homosexuality is ripping apart people’s lives and families. I can’t tell you how many sad tales I’ve heard from people who’ve seen the destructive effects of homosexual behavior in the life of a son, a daughter, a brother or a sister. The first battleground of ideas is one’s own mind.

We need to equip our kids to stand firm in their convictions and know how to defend them.”

—Christian radio host Linda Harvey

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april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

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“ “

views

While she said she does not believe people should discriminate they should maintain the right to do so.

Seriously! What is Ruzicka smoking?”

QSaltLake Magazine welcomes your letters to the editor.

10 things we heard last month

—Blake Gordon

There has been no law proposed in any jurisdiction in America that would require a church or religious organization to host or internally recognize a same-sex marriage. That is a line of utter bullshit and a pretty common fear mongering tactic used by the conservative right. Prop 8 has no such requirement.”

“ “

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

Please send your letter of 300 words or less to letters@ gaysaltlake.com.

We reserve the right to edit for length or libel if a letter is chosen for publication.

—Bob Henline

I am a Mormon and my family and I are looking forward to the day when my brother and his partner can get married and have it recognized in every state!”

—Desiree Zobell Thomason

I also disagree with the church’s stance on gay marriage, and hope to someday see my gay friends sealed in the temple. I will vote against inequality, and prejudice. Love is of God. Hate destroys the soul. Fear is almost as bad. Most of the people in the church fear change, and that’s what causes the hate. I do my best, but I’m just one girl. I need help in leading by example.

So, anyone who reads this, make this your policy in life: No matter who you meet, find one thing about them that you can love. Even if it’s just that they’re human. God bless humanity and help it to learn and reject its errors.”

—Jacey Dot Carter

“

This makes me so sad. I’ve been an advocate for LGBT rights for years. I went inactive after Prop. 8 and only recently became active again once the new ‘softer’ view was published because I saw it as a stepping stone. I’m really conflicted about this but you will always have my support and that of my husband and family!”

“

—Erin Van Berkel Tennant

I am un-liking Mormons Building Bridges. If you are going to take a stand then do it bravely. Clearly, their bridge has broken.”

—Lisa Marie Kreiter

“ “

Even if the Mormon church specifically doesn’t allow gay marriage, what’s wrong with civil gay marriage?

Absolutely nothing. I don’t care if the church won’t allow it, but why is everyone against it being allowed just legally? That way no church is violating its beliefs but you are still letting them get married. What’s wrong with that? All love is equal!”

—Jessica Barsch

“ “

You have to understand that the LDS Church really believes in revelation from God. The Bible tells of times when polygamy was sanctioned by God. The Bible also speaks clearly about homosexuality.”

—Victoria Huish

What’s this “one man and one woman” thing?

Have they forgotten about Brother Joseph and Brother Brigham?”

—Craig Erkelens

VIEWS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 19

april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

from the editor

letter

Ruzicka, Dabakis seek common ground

BY SETH BRACKEN

As Utah

lawmakers debate whether or not to outlaw discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity, it often appears as if there’s not much room for compromise. But don’t tell that to openly gay Sen. Jim Dabakis or the leader of the Utah Eagle Forum, Gayle Ruzicka. The two met in an open caucus as part of an ongoing series of weekly meetings sponsored by Dabakis.

As the pair discussed the importance of compromise and political ideology, Ruzicka made a strong argument for personal freedoms. The antiabortion advocate went so far as to oppose a bill that would outlaw smoking in cars with small children.

“After they pass the law in the car, where will they go next? The home? When will it stop?” Ruzicka asked.

However, when asked about the nondiscrimination bill that would also protect people’s privacy, Ruzicka drew her own line. She said in order for her to support the bill exceptions would have to be made for individuals who believe it would be immoral to work with gay or transgender people. This exemption would make the bill utterly useless.

“I don’t think people should discriminate, but I don’t think we can legislate that sort of thing,” she said. “I believe employers should make those choices themselves. Does it work to pass a law to tell them they can’t do that?”

Despite fervent testimony and pleas from many people

in attendance, Ruzicka still insisted that being gay is a “lifestyle choice” and that it should be legal to fire or evict someone depending on who they date, marry or love. But her admonitions were slightly less barbed as usual.

When faced with a crowd full of gays, lesbians, queers and supporters, Ruzicka was calm, cool and, surprisingly, a bit shy. Her testimony was less passionate than her incantations in front of conservative legislators and activists. Her voice just slightly more timid and her responses a good deal more measured.

What Dabakis did by inviting Ruzicka to speak and provide an open and comfortable atmosphere was more than admirable. There’s no denying her influence. She controls the most powerful political action group in the state and can have hundreds or even thousands of emails, phone calls and letters sent to lawmakers in a split-second.

Denying Ruzicka’s influence and power in Utah politics is folly. But working with such a strong-willed, conservative and anti-equality advocate often seems impossible. That is, until, Dabakis joins the foray.

With less than a full legislative session under his belt, Dabakis is already a commanding force on Capitol Hill and if he’s able to bring Ruzicka into a room full of gay rights advocates and have an open discussion, he ought to be commended.

Ruzicka is still voicing opposition to the anti-bias bill and pledged to oppose it. But

instead of a protest or angry call for her withdraw from the scene, the meeting seemed to insert a smidgen of doubt.

Instead of feeding off the fire of a personal protest, she now has faces and names to the discrimination she says she must support. I can’t help but wonder if she’s quietly secondguessing her own decision.

While a well-timed and organized protest can be quite effective, something important happened in a quiet, organized and civilized meeting with just a couple dozen people in attendance. Q

Editor, OK, I admit I’m behind in my reading and just read the November 2012 issue of QSaltLake.

Why do you list only Democratic and Republican candidates? Both the Libertarian and Justice parties have better positions on queer rights than the Democrats and Republicans. Is protecting Democratic Party candidates more important to QSaltLake than promoting queer rights?

And don’t hide behind the “electability” factor that Equality Utah cites in its endorsements. Elections are not just about who serves in office the next two, four or six years.

Elections are also about political education and the possibility of new political parties developing and people learning about how politics can be, not just about what is now.

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20 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

thinking out loud

Other people’s politics and we just have to deal with it

BY ABBY DEES

Having friends

who don’t share your political views is very inconvenient. It requires you to think in terms of individuals, rather than lump everyone you disagree with into a tidy group that is (pick one:) stupid, greedy, evil, brainwashed or out to get you. It means you have to get your news from multiple sources and that takes so darn much time.

It’s much easier to know there are only two types of people in the world: us and them. Then we can use our critical thinking skills for other things, like deciding who deserves our vote on “The X Factor.”

Last week I ran into an old, dear friend.

The last time we met was almost 30 years ago when we were still basically kids. She was the kind of person who made you smile just to look at her. Bright eyed and curious, she always led with her heart; I remember that most vividly after all these years. The person I met last week was no

different, except perhaps more settled and confident — the lovely patina that comes with age. My friend told me that since we last met, she had become born again and involved with the local Tea Party group.

To a typical tree-hugging lesbian, this combo rarely suggests “ally,” and yet here I was with my old friend who has only ever been someone I’d consider an ally. And this week she gave me no reason to think that’s changed. I don’t actually know what she thinks about things like same-sex marriage, abortion, immigration, or whatever.

I do know that she was genuinely happy to hear that I’m happy. It’s mutual and I’m glad we found each other again.

So, like I said, most inconvenient. It would be so much easier to think my friend had become a fundamentally different person or was under the insidious influence of some nutty political propaganda. I could maintain a nice us/them view of the world… and nothing would ever change.

sanctity of marriage MILLIONS OF YOUNG GIRLS FORCED INTO MARRIAGE, STUDY FINDS One of nine girls in developing countries will be married by age 15, according to a new study by the United Nations. An estimated 14.2 million girls will become child brides each year by 2020, the report says. The practice is driven by poverty and cultural traditions and usually such marriages are arranged by family members.

Physical and emotional consequences are often destructive and even fatal, the report found. Several groups have formed to stop the practice; however, local

laws usually prevent the girls from seeking legal recourse.

‘COPS’ SHOWS SUSPECT PROPOSAL A recent episode on the Fox series Cops featured a true demonstration of the sanctity of marriage.

After a suspect is taken into custody for possession of methamphetamine and resisting arrest, he makes one last move before completely surrendering his freedom; he proposes to his girlfriend.

The cuffed Romeo makes his true feelings known to his girlfriend by proposing to her through a barred window. Perhaps the nuptials on Cell Block C will be featured

on an upcoming episode.

WIFE FORCED INTO SEX TRADE BY HUSBAND, CHARGES ALLEGE An Indian woman is filing suit against her husband for allegedly forcing her into the sex trade. The criminal case is being brought against Banoth Yadagiri, who allegedly forced his wife to have sex for money. His wife said he subjected her to sexual torture. The couple has been married since 1997 and have two children. He is being charged on several counts, including assault, criminal intimidation and harassment.

This is the problem when we get lazy about our politics and opinions. If we stay in our respective camps of people we agree with, we lose the opportunity to find common ground. And maybe “common ground” is too common a term. When I think about my friends, it feels more like common humanity.

As I watch so many right-wing talking heads on TV railing about the gay agenda, I always feel like they turn us into cartoon versions of people — two-dimensional characters intent only on dismantling what’s important to other, “real” Americans. Yet when I think about LGBT rights, I imagine a million ordinary people who only want what everybody wants: family, love, and security. I picture closeted kids in small towns wondering if they will ever get to truly be who they are. It makes my heart ache. “Why is this so frickin’ hard to understand?” I keep asking the TV. Then I fall into that trap myself, thinking that those talking heads represent all of “them,” the other side that is so firmly against “us.” Where does my friend fall into that narrative? Is she one of the few exceptions? Those exceptions I keep meeting? Is it really possible that each one of my conservative friends or family is a very rare outlier? Am I that good at sniffing people out? Or are they hypocrites? Am I? Frankly, we’re all probably hypocrites on some level. Lord knows I thought Bush’s tax cuts were obscene. And in the few ways they extended to me, I was happy to take full advantage of them.

But calling people hypocrites and then expecting change is unproductive and, well, hypocritical. My friends and I, by definition, have each other’s back. Disagreement between us is painful sometimes, so I must remember what I know for sure: They too only want family, love and security. In pursuit of these things, we are all guilty of having irrational fears and blind spots, and we are each doing the best we can in a confusing and loud world. This is our common humanity — recognizing it is a lot easier than maintaining the false dichotomy of us and them. How about we start right there? Q Abby is a civil rights attorney-turned-author who has been in the LGBT rights trenches for 25+ years. She can be reached through her website: queerquestionsstraighttalk.com

VIEWS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 21

april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

the straight line

Revisiting Nondiscrimination

BY BOB HENLINE

The 2013

General Session of the Utah State Legislature is now history and, once again, they failed to enact statewide housing and employment protections that include Utah’s grossly underrepresented LGBT community. Even in failure, however, there were a few bright spots this year. First, and most notably, the bill did pass favorably out of the Senate Economic Development and Workforce Services Committee, receiving the support of Republican Sens. Ralph Okerlund and Peter Knudson and it was sponsored by St. George Republican Sen. Steve Urquhart.

In committee, the bill was also supported by Democratic Sens. Karen Mayne and Pat Jones, although Jones felt it necessary to point out that while she supports nondiscrimination in housing and employment she is still firmly opposed to marriage equality.

Such a supportive ally she is.

That’s the positive, now to the reality. As much as we all want to celebrate some sort of victory, this was not it. The bill didn’t come up for debate on the Senate floor and there are still thousands of Utahns that live without housing and employment protections. At the end of the day, nothing changed.

Through the course of discussions with several interested and involved parties, I have pieced this together. First, the original plan was to have Sen. Curt Bramble bring the bill forward, with the support of LDS, Inc. Bramble announced

about mid-way through the session that he would sponsor the bill if his bigoted church leadership concurred. I guess we all know who this clown represents, eh?

Well, the bigots on South Temple decided not to support the bill unless it included language that would exempt anyone with a “moral objection” to gays and transgender folk, essentially rendering the bill useless. So, with two weeks left in the session, the bill was released with Urquhart as the sponsor.

I was critical of Equality Utah’s strategy with this bill, and was pleased to be wrong as the bill cleared committee.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t that wrong, and the bill died in the dark less than a week later, failing to reach the floor for debate.

The bottom line is this: LDS, Inc. is a hate group and they will always be a hate group. Negotiating with them for their support of equality measures is a fruitless endeavor. They endorsed the Salt Lake City ordinance under a wave of negative PR stemming from their ecclesiastical, political and economic involvement in the Proposition 8 campaign. That won’t happen again.

If we’re going to make real change in Utah it is going to have to come from the people. We are going to have to organize and fight for equality, and it’s going to take all of us working in all kinds of different ways. We are going to need people willing to sit down with their elected legislators and showing them

what gay Utah looks like. We are going to need aggressive, in-your-face protests that will shine the light into the dark recesses of church involvement in Utah politics. We are going to need volunteers to make phone calls, drop literature, and register voters for the upcoming municipal

elections in 2013 and for the legislative races of 2014.

To quote a hero of mine: “It takes a village.” This village needs to sharpen up the pitchforks, light the torches, and work to banish the medieval monsters from our halls of government. Q

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22 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

lambda lore

Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah

BY BEN WILLIAMS

Editor’s note: The following is the first in a two-part series.

On Oct. 4, 1986, during Chuck Whyte’s fifth annual Unity Show, Greg Garcia, a founding member of the Wasatch Leathermen and Motorcycle Club, stood on the street stage and addressed a large gay audience. He stated, “I, as master of the Wasatch Leathermen, invite the heads of all gay and lesbian bars, organizations, and groups to join me in a meeting to begin the vital exchange of aid and information.

Brothers and sisters, we face the most dire crisis in our long history. Through unity we can find hope. Through unity we will fight oppression from within and without.”

And so was born the only representative organization in Utah’s gay history, the Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah.

Two months went by before various leaders of gay organizations could agree to meet to discuss Garcia’s proposal for unifying the community, a concept which was tried by the Utah Community Service Center and Clinic in 1985, but failed. On Dec. 4, 1986, meeting in the Fellowship Hall of the Resurrection Metropolitan Community Church, 13 people met to form what would become the Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah. While gay women were invited to the meeting it would be several months before a woman attended and several years before the women’s community decided to take an active role in the council.

Those who were behind the push for a meeting to discuss how to organize the community were Ben Barr of the AIDS Project Utah, Rev. Bruce Barton and Garcia. The initial purpose for the meeting was to create a type of forum where community organizations could communicate among each other and not book events on top of other group’s major events. The grand idea of the initial meeting was to create a sort of United Nations of Utah’s gay interest groups. Barton stated, “I see our organization as a loosely formed council that’s doing information sharing and

keeping everyone up dated.”

Others also joined, including; John Cooper, director of Salt Lake Affirmation; Donny Eastepp, president of Golden Spike Rodeo Association; Curtis Jensen officer in the Lesbian and Gay Student Union of the University of Utah; Bruce Harmon, a representative of the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire; John Sassaman, editor of the Triangle Magazine; Les Emmett, representing the Wasatch Leather and Motorcycle Club; Michael Aaron, David Nelson and Graham Bell representing Gay Community, Inc. The main divisive issue among the participants was whether the purpose of the group should be political or social. The strong personalities at the meeting had very different and divergent concepts of the direction the community should be headed. The more conservative, older faction felt the community should not make waves or call attention to itself outside of the gay community. The younger, more politically active faction pushed to have the forum become a political action group.

This initial meeting could not even come up with a name for the group, because of the many trust issues preventing any consensus. The principle item decided at this organization meeting was that they should meet again the next month on the first Thursday, and subsequently the first Thursday of each month. And that was a start.

At the January, 1987 meeting of the Community Council, which was the working name for the group, there were no official officers or minutes kept. Members still could not agree on even a purpose of the council nor membership qualifications.

Aaron announced that he was launching the Utah Gay and Lesbian Anti-Violence Project to track hate crimes against homosexuals.

The following month, the 12 people in attendance were still debating the appropriateness of supporting political causes.

The council still had no regular officers or a secretary. However, by the end of the

meeting, Sassaman was elected pro-tem chair. The most important decision made by the council at this time was adopting to take over official responsibility for Gay Pride Day activities.

In April, 1987 I finally attended my first Community Council meeting. Sassaman had another officer to support him — Rev. Bruce Barton was elected acting secretary/ treasurer — a position where I would eventually serve for three terms. The Council voted finally that all proposals and motions had to pass with a two-thirds majority. Until this meeting, all proposals had to be unanimous to pass. Also at this meeting, Donny Eastepp, co-owner of the InBetween bar The main divisive was chosen issue among the to chair the Pride Day participants was Committee whether the purpose after he had reserved of the group should Sunnyside Park for be political or social. a July 12 celebration.

Salt Lake had a history of a late starting date for Pride Day, due to the Royal Court’s insistence that late June was a bad time since people wanted to go to San Francisco for its Pride Parade. The Council later would vote that Pride Day was to be held in June and not be held hostage by the few who wanted to leave the state.

In May the Council was six-months old and already had two subcommittees.

However, during the two-and-a-half hour meeting the group still wrangled over how political it would become. A division began to arise between solitary activists and those who represented organizations. The only thing decided on at this meeting, by a majority vote, was holding a media event on June 30 to protest Utah’s refusal to fund the AIDS Project Utah. One sugges-

april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

tion was to blow up condoms with helium and set them loose over the state capitol.

The fledgling council did not meet in June due to people’s busy schedules and getting Pride Day organized.

At July’s meeting, Pride Day was discussed, and the Pride Committee reported a rousing surplus of $800, which became seed money for next year’s event. The Council also voted on sponsoring Gay Day at Lagoon and renting the Heber Creeper for an AIDS fund raising benefit.

And still the question of

politics was brought up. The council voted to organize a task force to investigate again whether the council should become more politically involved as a political action committee.

The council also talked about raising funds to send Mel Baker of KRCL’s Concerning Gays and Lesbians, to represent Utah at the March on Washington in October. He was already a member of the National Committee but lacked funds to get back to Washington. The council provided him with the funds. Q

VIEWS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 23

24 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

creep of the week

Queen Elizabeth II

BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI

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Elizabeth II has no direct impact on my life. I’m not one of her “subjects,” nor do I follow the obsessive tabloid coverage of what the Royal Family does in their day-to-day lives (granted, I can’t help but hear “news” that someone named Kate is having a baby and someone else let his Royal Dinger get photographed in a hotel room with a bunch of chicks. Important stuff). I’m an American, damn it, and we got rid of all that royalty stuff a long time ago because it was weird to be ruled by kings and queens and we decided we’d rather be ruled by money, the way God intended.

And then there was that whole kerfuffle a few years ago about Michelle Obama “breaking protocol” and daring to touch the Queen as if they were equal humans or something. Give me a break.

The Queen should feel privileged to even be in the same room with the FLOTUS. Also, for the record, photos clearly show Queen Elizabeth II with her hand on Michelle Obama’s ass. Google it.

But when I heard that Queen Elizabeth II was about to sign some important thing that included LGBT folks, I thought, “Hey, that’s good news. Looks like she’s earned the title of Queen at long last.”

That document was a new Commonwealth Charter, which was dubbed a “21st Century Commonwealth Magna Carta” by the Daily Mail. The Charter, according to National Public Radio, declares the core values for the 54 member states, most of which were once under British rule. So in addition to the United Kingdom, it includes places like Australia, Rwanda, South Africa, the Bahamas, and Canada. And, as it turns out, some of these places do not like gays very much at all.

So what does this amazing new Charter have to say under the heading “Human Rights?” It says this: “We are implacably opposed to all forms of discrimination, whether rooted in gender, race, colour,

creed, political belief or other grounds.”

Did you notice the big brave stand for gay equality in there? What? You missed it? Well, read it again. Still don’t see it?

Let me help you out. You see, Queen Elizabeth II is famous for her notoriously bad spelling. And in the Charter she spelled “sexual orientation” “o-t-h-e-r g-r-o-u-n-d-s.” It’s a common mistake.

Now, I know that Queen Elizabeth II did not actually write this Charter, but she did sign it publicly with a bunch of fanfare and she’s now being hailed as this great progressive leader even though gay people aren’t even mentioned in the Charter! Gays are referred to as “other,” this category that dare not speak its name.

And why is anti-disAlso, for the record, crimination photos clearly show protection not spelled Queen Elizabeth II out in this with her hand on document?

Michelle Obama’s Because a lot of the 54 ass. Google it. members of the Commonwealth Club stone cold hate gay people.

According to the Daily Mail, “The ‘other grounds’ is intended to refer to sexuality — but specific reference to ‘gays and lesbians’ was omitted in deference to Commonwealth countries with draconian anti-gay laws.”

In other words, the Queen didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes.

The Daily Mail also reports that the Queen is “aware of the implications of the charter’s implicit support of gay rights and commitment to gender equality.”

And now we’re all supposed to hail her as a supporter of civil rights because for the first time during her 61-year stint as Queen she used a special secret code to imply that gays are maybe human, too?

Give me a break. Q

VIEWS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 25

april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

a mom’s view

Seperation of church and state, when?

BY LEESA MYERS

Valentine’s

Day is marked by more marriage proposals, weddings and flowers bought for that special someone than any other day of the year.

I had the honor to witness and be a part of a powerful event. Marriage Equality of Utah and a representative from MarriageEquality.org New York, along with representatives of the Utah Pride Center and numerous clergy from various faiths, organized a peaceful, loving and educational rally. The rally had been pre-arranged with the Salt Lake County Clerk’s office to receive applications from about two-dozen LGBT couples from 12:30 — 1:30 p.m. The clerks knew they would have to deny the applications because of Utah law which states that only one man and one woman can be legally married.

Music and singing filled the downstairs foyer as the couples were busily filling Religion should out their not play a part applications, in excluding knowing that the event was people when it both a celcomes to human ebration and rights. a powerful demonstration of the impact that marriage inequality has had on Utah families. I had one couple ask me if I would be their wedding officiant for the marriage application. It is always a great honor when couples invite me to celebrate their lives with them, and I told them I would be pleased to conduct the ceremony when they were ready, legal or not.

The rally began with welcoming speeches and, as the time drew near, the couples,

excited with anticipation and clergy standing proud in support, lined up and went to the clerk’s office to present the applications. The clergy stood in the back as the first couple went up to present their application. I can say we were all moved to tears, including the clerks, when they had to say no to each loving, committed couple who wanted to be married. Each couple presented the clerks with flowers and gifts as they went up and was told the same thing — in Utah, the law says no.

Couples were surprised as the tears rolled down their faces how, even though they knew the answer, how hurt they felt as the injustice of the law touched them.

This law is created by men and women who use their religious beliefs to tell people who they can and should marry. Yet not all religions and not all clergy say that is true. It was evident by the clergy that attended the event.

Laws are supposed to be made to ensure all people are treated equally and that all people are protected and receive equal benefits. Married partners receive numerous benefits by this legal arrangement, benefits denied by consenting couples who cannot have a signed document approved by the state. Religion should not play a part in excluding people when it comes to human rights.

Religious freedom allows me to choose my faith and beliefs. Religious freedom is not freedom when it is used to tell me who I can and cannot love or to whom I can be married.

It is way past time to separate church and state. I am proud of each person who attended this rally. It was a huge step forward to change in the state of Utah. Q Leesa@LeesaMyers.com

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26 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

wtf?!

CATHOLICS CHOOSE ANTI-GAY, CONSERVATIVE POPE The Roman Catholic Church has announced their new pope, Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio of Argentina. The 76-year-old took the name Pope Francis and is the first pope born in the Americas, the first from the southern hemisphere and the first Latin American

chosen for the role.

Bergoglio, while cardinal, strongly opposed Argentina’s legalization of same-sex marriage in 2010, calling it a “real and dire anthropological throwback.”

“Let’s not be naive, we’re not talking about a simple political battle; it is a destructive pretension against the plan of God,” Bergoglio wrote during the debate.

“We are not talking about a mere bill, but

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rather a machination of the Father of Lies that seeks to confuse and deceive the children of God.” He is also against adoption by gay and lesbian people, calling it discrimination against children.

Bergoglio is also against the distribution of contraceptives, abortion and euthanasia, all of which are inline with Catholic beliefs.

like MOST AMERICANS BELIEVE MARRIAGE EQUALITY IS INEVITABLE More than 60 percent of Americans believe full marriage equality in the U.S. is inevitable, according to a study by LifeWay Research.

The survey was conducted by a Nashville polling firm with ties to the Southern Baptist Convention, a conservative organization that opposes marriage equality. The poll said 64 percent of Americans believe marriage equality will soon be the norm.

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The Boy Scouts of America is sponsoring a survey asking participants if the ban on allowing gay members and leaders is acceptable. The questions include targeted scenarios, such as, “Is it acceptable or unacceptable for an openly gay Boy Scout to share a tent with a heterosexual boy on an overnight camping trip? Is it acceptable or unacceptable for a lesbian to serve as a den leader for her son’s Cub Scout den?”

The survey is being distributed to 1.1 million Scout leaders, alumni and volunteers.

Other questions include, “Do you believe the current policy prohibiting open homosexuals from being Scouts or adult Scout leaders is a core value of Scouting found in the

Scout Oath and Law?” Some of the questions ask how participants feel concerning gays and lesbians. For example: “The current Boy Scouts of America requirements, stated above, prohibit open homosexuals from being Scouts or adult Scout leaders. To what extent do you support or oppose this requirement? (Scale: Strongly support, Somewhat support, Neutral, Somewhat oppose, Strongly oppose.)”

MARRIED GAY MEN LIVE LONGER, STUDY FINDS Gay men who are in gay marriages live longer than single gay men, according to a new study that looked at the Danish population.

“Our study expands on century-old knowledge that married people generally have lower mortality than unmarried and divorced persons,” lead author Dr. Morten Frisch, a professor of epidemiology at Aalborg University, wrote.

From a public health viewpoint it is important to try and identify those underlying factors and mechanisms.”

The study was published in the International Journal of Epidemiology looked at the mortality rates of 6.5 million Danish adults who were in relationships. The rates of mortality for married gay men has been steadily decreasing since 1996 and is now lower than that of unmarried and divorced straight men.

VIEWS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 27

april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

who’s your daddy?

My feet just hurt

BY CHRISTOPHER KATIS

I’m always

struck at how some people fall into activism.

February was the centennial of Rosa Parks’ birth. If you don’t know who Parks was, well, her single non-violent act against racism made her known as the mother of the Civil Rights movement. And everyone reading this owes her a debt of gratitude.

When we lived in Monterey, Calif., Kelly and I had the opportunity to hear Parks speak.

She was amazing — humble, quiet, unassuming — yet her soft, reassuring voice kept the

I’m no Rosa Parks.

But my feet hurt. people crammed into an auditorium filled beyond capacity as quiet as church mice, hanging on her every word.

During the Q&A someone asked her if she had planned to take a stand that day back in 1955 when she refused to surrender her bus seat to a white man. Parks shyly chuckled and said, “No, dear. My feet just hurt.”

Her aching feet, of course, helped to launch the revolution that brought down America’s shameful version of institutionalized apartheid.

I’m no Rosa Parks. But my feet hurt.

Recently the Boy Scouts of America announced they were considering allowing individual chapters to accept openly gay scouts and leaders.

As many of you may remem-

ber, my October 2010 column, “On My Honor,” dealt with me being a gay man and having a son in Scouts.

At the time I had been asked to be an assistant leader for the Cubs Scouts, the youngest group of boys. In response, I came out. Although the leader told me she couldn’t care less if I was gay, I declined the opportunity, citing the Boy Scouts’ ban.

The day the BSA announced it was considering altering its policy, my phone rang. It was KSL looking for a gay guy who wanted to be a Boy Scout leader. The reporter had received my number from his colleague, who is also a friend of mine. She also happens to be the woman, who three years earlier asked me to be an assistant leader.

Hesitantly, I agreed to go on the radio. Then they asked if I’d go on camera. Now because of my career in public relations and corporate communications, I’ve been interviewed hundreds of times. And going in front of a camera usually doesn’t faze me. But this time I’d be telling the whole world — or at least everyone watching Channel 5 that night — that I’m gay.

This interview was going to be different for another reason too: It would involve my family. My being a “gay activist” is one thing, but they wanted b-roll of Kelly and me interacting with the boys. They wanted Gus to go on camera and offer his opinion — I don’t think he even knew the BSA has this ban.

We’ve always been very clear

that we never want our boys to be seen as our “accessories.”

We don’t ever want them to be viewed as props to advance gay rights. They’re the ones that would have to deal with reactions from classmates and friends stemming from this story — a story that has a lot more to do with their dads than with them.

In the end, Kelly and I decided it was worth having our

kids be temporary activists. We figured that seeing our family might help those who support this ban and other forms of discrimination see gay people in a different light. We made it very clear: being interviewed was entirely Gus’s decision.

And he did great.

Did I want us to be seen as Utah’s poster family on this subject? Not at all. Let’s just say my feet hurt. Q

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28 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

queer shift

Belief Shift, Part 1

BY CHARLES LYNN FROST

So far,

2013 has been a lot like being directly plopped into the backstage scenes of the 1999 movie TopsyTurvy. There were presidential inaugurations, senatorial gun-control hearings and cabinet confirmations. We had in and out filthy inversion air, bitter-cold weather and influenza. Hillary Clinton left, John Kerry filled her position. The Boy Scouts of America even considered revising their 100-year-old policies on rejecting gay scouts and scouting leaders, while The Great Salt Lake BSA Council released a statement they will be taking considerably more time before aligning with the consequential change coming from the national organization. This year brings legislative sessions, Mormon websites and Supreme Court amicus briefs being filed this way and that for and against queer civil rights.

Not to mention Jupiter in full-tilt boogie, (this is really Jupiter’s time to take center stage) and on Jan. 21, the moon and Jupiter staged a beautifully close approach that was seen throughout the world, not to be seen again until 2026. Everything seems to be in a huge state of change, flux and transition, leaving many baffled and foul, while others are delighted by new directions and possibilities.

I recall when January was the month for hunkering down, staying in, resolutions, objectives and goal-setting, simplifying, decluttering, careful planning for an intentional and bright year ahead. However these are just some snippets of the beginning of 2013, revealing transitions and transformations that are occurring right now in our modern society, and at such rapid pace one care hardly remain fully informed, aware and present considering the enormity of change-based happenings.

Also in January, history was made. We had President Barrack Obama’s inaugural speech full of civil and equal rights language for LGBTQ Americans; freedom to love whom we love, mentioning our significant historical movement, achievements, and past. Compare that visionary speech to the Mormonsandgays.org website which has our queer and straight-supportive commu-

nities somewhat divided and nonplussed, with some strongly feeling the long-overdue messaging about not kicking queer children and family to the curb being positive, overdue steps and others seeing the website as choric and chronically familiar, fraught with outdated and disproved dogma and offering life-celibacy and repression as the only real answers for its queer members. No one is without opinion, and we certainly do not have balance, harmony, consensus or peace of mind.

What is glaringly apparent is that all of this ultimately comes down to change. Huge changes that impact LGBTQ humans.

This Belief Shift column will be in two parts. I start by exploring the foundation of an easy-to-use self-change model, SEE-DOGET, and establishing how it might work for someone desirous of using it to exit any religious group. Part II will give detailed examples of how to step-by-step shift your seeing, doing and getting, and creating a life with less anger, frustration with your feeling of being trapped, hostility toward yourself, others, or your religion of birth.

When my friends from throughout the country ask me why I still choose to live in Utah, my response is always prompt and the same: ‘someone has to live on the front lines.” I truly believe that there comes a time where you have to release, let go and change if you are going to survive, thrive and find self-esteem and happiness while still living in Utah. It will be compelling as the U. S. Supreme Court considers DOMA and Proposition 8 and rules on the future of this country’s queer citizens. It is also interesting that the LDS Church has signed on as “friend of the court brief” led by National Association of Evangelicals in pending Prop. 8 Supreme Court arguments. I have always personally identified integrity as having your values and actions aligned; the opposite being complete hypocrisy, when your professed values and actions are not aligned. It also seems to me you cannot have it both ways, or be in some confused middle ground. A person, organization, religion, government needs to possess and demonstrate integrity or they are hypocrites.

Change in its most basic form comes down to the simple and time-proven SEEDO-GET change model. Seeing is about your mind-sets, perspectives, beliefs, outlook on anything. Doing is your actions to strengthen or alter the way you act upon your perceptions. Getting is the desired result or sustainable personal solution you achieve having worked hard and gone through the challenging process of changing.

Let’s take the whole current LDS stance regarding gays and run it through the SeeDo-Get model. A person does not choose to be gay, one is born that way, those are Seeing perceptions, but one should never act, which is Doing, on your DNA, attractions, desires, ability to love, belong, towards Getting, which is finding love, intimacy, connection, self-happiness and self-esteem. Hence, authenticity is lost and without hope for the gay LDS members to ever become truly authentic and who they really, naturally are.

The Change example above may work for some whose beliefs (Seeing) are anchored in birth-to-death, pre-planned life phases, and a strong after-death belief/reward system.

However, for many others it does not work and that is where frustrations, anger and a desire to change comes eventually comes in.

Please consider the SEE-DO-GET model as it compares to anything major or minor you would like to change. Understand how the simple but effective model works, and in Part II we will go into greater depth about how the model could be used for exiting the LDS religion, or any other repressive, non-affirming or accepting organization. I divided this Belief Shift column into two parts so that readers could first wrap their heads around the model, but begin to examine their current perceptions, behaviors and the results they are getting. That takes some time and personal reflection. This is damned hard work.

SEEING Let’s start with who we are and what’s important to us, or the SEEING part. While it is important to create structures, accountability and targets, how often do we take a step back and ask ourselves why we do what we do? We get so caught up in the go-go-go of daily life and all the responsibilities that go along with it, we neglect to ask on a regular basis about purpose: Who am I? What am I passionate about? Who do I want to be in the world? What do I define as my values? What’s important to me? What do I stand for? What turns me on and off? What keeps me going, charged, whole? How clear

april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

we are about the “why” has a huge impact on our levels of commitment, engagement and satisfaction with the experience.

It also affects our effectiveness, innovation, creativity and ability to maintain and sustain the action over the long term.

DOING We are experts at this part.

However, when we are clear about who we are and what is important to us, the choice to act is much simpler. While we might need some assistance in figuring out the best actions to take, the bigger picture goal is self-evident. We know we want something and are willing to take the steps to move us in that direction.

GETTING Getting results and hopefully achieving our own happiness, having been in charge of the change process we get something. Perhaps it’s something

tangible, or maybe it’s how we feel, our self-esteem, our self re-invention.

You are free to approach your experiences in whatever way you choose. Greater happiness and satisfaction in personal or professional life comes from being conscious of who you are and what’s important to you as a foundation for what you choose to do and create. It also comes with challenging your life experiences, really examining where and how you learned your life-long beliefs, determining if YOU are that person, or even wish to be that person.

In Part II of Belief Shift — I would like to pose some very serious questions to those who are considering leaving the LDS religion, moving towards seeing, doing and getting greater authenticity, happiness, in your whole being.

A Mind Once Opened, Never Closes. Stay tuned! Q

VIEWS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 29

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30 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | GAY WEDDINGS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

As spring approaches, many Utah couples will begin to hear wedding bells chime.

Since it’s not legally binding in Utah, many couples choose to go elsewhere to tie the knot or hold a ceremony in Utah. We asked our readers to submit their wedding and commitment stories to show that love knows no color, creed or gender.

Danny and Joseph

Joseph and I had been together more than 14 years and had just gotten home from Saturday’s Voyeur 2008. I was sitting at the computer. He walked over, looked at me, and said, “What would you say if I asked you to marry me?”

I said, “I don’t know, ask me.”

He asked me to marry him and I said yes. We started looking for a place to get married. Our anniversary was Dec. 31 and we did not want to get married on a different date. California was our first choice, but since the Proposition 8 vote was approaching, we needed a backup plan. Massachusetts and Canada were possibilities, but neither place was feasible due to some licensing requirements. Connecticut was moving forward with gay marriage and, after doing some investigation, we determined Connecticut was a good second choice. In November, 2008, Prop.

8 passed so we would be headed to Connecticut in December.

Neither one of us had ever been there before, so we did some research and decided to get married in Stamford, Connecticut. We found a hotel and selected a Justice of the Peace; all done over in internet. When we went to the Town Clerk’s office to fill out the paper work, we had to laugh at the form. Both applicants were listed as ‘Bride/Groom/Spouse’ (I guess you pick what you want to be). On Dec, 31, 2008, our 15th anniversary together, we went to the Justice of the Peace’s home, dressed in our tuxedos, looking hot. On that day, my partner of 15 years became my husband.

april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

GAY WEDDINGS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 31

Chad & Shaun

On June 17, 2006, I married my best friend and partner for life.

Shaun and I had been friends for close to four years prior to dating. Even though we both felt an undeniable spark and connection between us, we continued to be friends and support each other throughout an array of meaningless relationships and life’s ups and downs and ins and outs.

In June of 2003 we had our first kiss. It wasn’t the butterflies or fireworks I imagined, I didn’t get weak in the knees, or shy away like a giddy little school girl. I didn’t get that flighty, excited feeling that I thought I would. My body temperature didn’t rise, my heartbeat didn’t fasten. I didn’t get these things, because I realized those things had been there all along. I got butterflies every time he called me to go get coffee just to talk about the week. I saw fireworks every time he gave me a hug hello or goodbye. I got weak in the knees every time brought me treats and surprises when I was feeling down, or sick. I didn’t get those feelings because this time, it felt different than any other first kiss I had ever had. This time, it felt real. It felt right.

And for the first time in my life, I knew who I was to spend the rest of my life with — my best friend.

We had our ups and downs, just like every other couple; no relationship is perfect, right? But we knew that we wanted to spend our lives together and eventually share our love in some sort of ceremony barefoot on a beach. We shared dreams about marriage, kids and our futures together. But like many things in life, it felt like a dream — something unattainable and lofty. We didn’t have much money.

We were both working mediocre jobs, at best, just trying to get by. Oftentimes, we barely had enough money to buy groceries or pay the bills.

Three years after we started dating, he surprised me on Christmas with a plan to fly to Maui to be married. We scraped by, budgeted and went without many things for a long while to try and make this goal happen. We hired a (very inexpensive, but fantastic) clergyman, reserved our tickets and a room, and with two of our very best friends we took off to Maui.

We didn’t have anything elaborate for our ceremony. No photographer, just a digital camera and a handheld camcorder from the 90s. We bought a bottle of champagne and some plastic flutes for after the ceremony (which ended up baking in the sun while it sat on the sand during our ceremony. Have you ever tried drinking hot champagne?) No cake, no flowers, no hoopla. But we didn’t need those things. We had everything we ever wanted right then and there, barefoot on the beach, looking into each other’s eyes.

It has been 10 years since our first kiss, and eight years since our commitment ceremony, and I am as in love with him today as I was then. He amazes me every day with his love, compassion, support and unfailing strength. He is my rock, my soul, my other half. He is my best friend.

Always has, and always will be.

Megan & Trina

My partner, Trina, and I were lucky enough to squeeze into that narrow window in California when they were allowing gay marriage. We flew to San Francisco and tied the knot. A handful of our family members came; not all were supportive, but it was wonderful to have my three brothers and sister-in-law as well as Trina’s Mom and step-dad there. We stood on the great staircase (seen in Milk) in the San Francisco City Hall and were married.

We have been together 12 years and we were married in 2008. In 2011, the state placed Trina’s niece into our custody (crazy, right?) and we are now moving towards adopting her. Granted, only Trina can adopt legally, but we will draw up the legal paperwork to protect my relationship with our kid as much as possible.

Marriage and adoption, times are a changing.

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gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

Jeremy & Mikey

Russell & Lincoln

My partner, Lincoln, and I have been together for 27 years. In our combined family we have two adult children and two grandsons. All of whom have been very loving and supportive.

Back in 1985, we never thought in our young minds or believed that same sex marriage would ever happen. That was back in the day that you couldn’t even think the word gay. Wow, how times have changed.

Since we never thought it would happen, my partner and I decided to change his name. Not just his first, middle or last, the whole thing. He took the first name of Lincoln, my first name as his middle name and my last name. It was obvious to the judge what our end goal was. When he tapped the gavel on his bench he stated, “Mrs. Christensen I hope this helps you to achieve your dream.”

That is as legal as we could do it in the state of Deseret.

By 2002 I had spent the last two years going on an endless string of bad dates.

Eighty percent of the time, within three minutes of the beginning of the date I realized I had no interest in the person I had just met. Twenty percent of the time I was extremely excited to be with the person I had just met. That is, until I tried to set up the second date and found out I was part of his 80 percent. Prior to hitting the dating market I was in rehab for a crystal meth addiction. I spent 13 months trying to put my life back together. I know, how sexy would that have been to hear on a first date?

“Hi! Not but a few years ago I was a homeless meth addict — but even though the odds are that I will always be at risk of being a loser again, I think you should take a chance on me!”

Regardless, I actually had many things back on track — I was in school working on my bachelor’s degree, I had a job, and damn it, I was 23, hot and looking for love.

I was terrified of bars and clubs. I had spent so much time getting high in my old life while at those bars and clubs. People asked, “Where do you look for guys?”

After I said I met men online, the guffaws were not far behind.

People would always tell me, “No wonder you keep ending up in bad dates!” But where was a guy who was scared of bars and clubs supposed to go to meet guys? I just didn’t know. Online was the only place I knew!

One day I saw a profile of a cute, blonde, smiling guy named Mikeypoo18. I figured he would be the next in my 20 percent and I had to give it a shot. I sent him a “wink.” Winks were safe — if they never winked back, you hadn’t exactly put your heart on the line — it was just to see if there was any interest. A few days later, I got a wink back! We spent about a week emailing back and forth — then another week on messenger. I was so excited to meet him. I asked if we could meet on a particular day. His response? “Uhhhh, I want to — but that’s the American Idol finale.” WHAT? I still tease him about that to this day — he swears the only reason he put it off was because he was having a finale party that was already set up — but it still makes him blush every time I tease him.

After the finale was over, he came and picked me up. We had no idea where to go, so we drove around for an hour trying to decide where to go. After we couldn’t decide on a place, and places were closing down — we decided to go sit on the lawn outside of a Barnes and Noble and just talk. We kept talking and, before we knew it, it was 4 a.m. We set up a second date and I realized ,no matter the percentages, I had just found the only one that mattered.

On Sept. 10, 2002, I was celebrating my third anniversary of sobriety and told him he was required to take me out. We went to dinner and a movie and, on this date, we had our first kiss. I started to joke the next year as I was having my fourth anniversary of sobriety that it was my fourth/first anniversary — four years clean, one year since our relationship was sealed with a kiss. Christmas of 2004, I wanted to keep the anniversaries together, and Christmas morning, I proposed on one knee with a diamond ring that we get married on Sept. 10, 2005. We both cried and hugged and he agreed to be my husband.

On my sixth/third anniversary, we got married at the First Unitarian Church of Salt Lake. Three years later, just before my nine years sober, six years with Mikey and three years of marriage, we had the opportunity to get married during the short window California allowed gay marriage prior to Proposition 8. We went to Los Angeles and got married again. This year we will be celebrating our 14th/11th/ eighth/fifth anniversary! In case you lost count, that is 14 years clean, 11 years since we first kissed, eight years since our wedding and five years since we got legally married in California. Someday they will allow adoption here in Utah and both of us are excited to have a child. We’ll have more and more numbers to add on to our ever-growing string of anniversary celebrations.

We have lived in Eagle Mountain for the last six years and nothing is perfect and smooth. We have had rough times and arguments, but we have always stood by each other and worked through everything. We have been through unemployment and tight budgets, but we have never had a lack of love and support. While we have a lot of anniversaries to celebrate, our favorite to remember is our wedding in 2005 — surrounded by friends, and family and a chance to have the dream wedding neither of us thought would ever come. And all the percentages? I found 100 percent of what I want and need in my Mikeypoo.

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34 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | GAY WEDDINGS

Innovating etiquette

BY ROCK MAGEN

When I

daydream about my wedding I envision a formal affair where the man I marry and I slow dance to Frank Sinatra singing “The Way You Look Tonight.” Not all weddings are a black-tie affair, nor do they require you to be an excellent dancer, but they do carry a few universal rules of engagement.

I tend to be a traditionalist when it comes to rules and etiquette, but just like most things in life, time provides us with new options that grow into becoming acceptable. One such rule that may plague the evening is wedding seating and the guest list. When choosing whom to invite and how to mingle the entire guest-list, think of it more like a good martini — it’s shaken, not stirred.

If you have relatives who have never supported your relationship, the short answer is that you don’t have to invite them. Someone once told me, “If you don’t want to hug every person there, don’t invite him or her.” You may have some family pressure on inviting all your relatives; if that is the case, err on the side of inclusion and if they have a problem with it, they likely won’t attend.

Tradition dictates seating have a bride’s side and a groom’s side. With gay weddings, there is sometimes a family that does not support the union and won’t show up. Nothing looks worse than one side with lots of support and one with none. Because this should be an occasion for bringing family together one solution is to let everyone sit where they want. But for those of us who still swear by place cards, just make sure you know the temperament of your guest and don’t sit a religious zealot next to your gay friend who would cause the two to butt heads. We are having a union, not triggering a war.

To those of us attending the wedding, it is important to remember that a gentleman has never been seated beside a boring person at dinner. Neither has he ever been seated beside a person who has been bored. That being said, in matters of politics or religion, a gentleman does not assume that everyone believes what he believes.

Keep in mind the adage from Steel Magnolias: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then you can sit by me.”

These Southern words of wisdom simply mean that all conversation should be had in a spirit of jest.

Regardless of how formal you decide to make your big day, make sure that you either decide to play by all the rules or none of them at all. When we begin to pick and choose which traditions we keep and which we disregard, that is the moment when things get confusing.

And no matter which route you decide to take, do not choose “blush” and “bashful” as the colors, because we all know it is simply pink and pink, and no amount of manners can save a wedding coated in Pepto-Bismol. Q

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

Guide to Fabulous Wedding Providers Supporting local, queer and allied businesses is important for everyday life for many Utahns. But can be even more important when it comes to gay weddings, ceremonies and other important life events. We’ve collected a list of companies and individuals who are actively seeking to assist gay couples tie the knot and have a perfect day.

Caterers & Cakes LE CROISSANT CATERING LECROISSANTCATERING.COM

For nearly two decades, Le Croissant Catering has been a Utah staple.

More than just fantastic food with only the freshest of ingredients and a fantastic presentation, the company focuses on outstanding customer service, said owner and manager Kelly Lake.

“Our first and most important priority is to give our clients an event that they can be proud of,” Lake said. “We want them to be excited about the event even years after it happens.”

But Le Croissant does much more than just weddings. The company has provided catering services to more than 1,000 different events. Some of the events are for small company gatherings. Others are for thousands of guests attending a week-long conference.

BROWN BROTHERS CATERING BROWNBROTHERSCATERING.COM

Brown Brothers Catering offers five-star catering services at realistic prices. The food quality and presentation are among the top in the industry. The menus are filled with exquisite entrees for all tastes.

The catering business has been in the family for more than 40 years and Brown Brothers have extensive experience in catering all occasions from large corporate events and wedding receptions to small intimate engagements.

CHEF JAMES E FACEBOOK.COM/CHEFJAMESE

Chef James has been in food service ever since he could see over a table by making soups standing on a stool in front of the stove. Message him for pricing and other details.

CARRIE’S CAKES CARRIESCAKES.COM

Carrie’s Cakes are more than just the top-of-the-line, highest-recommended award-winning and visually stunning cakes. These wedding cakes actually taste phenomenal. Carrie’s Cakes focuses on high-end cakes and provides only the best service and quality products, Biggers said. The company specializes in butter cream and fondant cakes.

Photographers DAVID DANIELS PHOTOGRAPHY DAVIDDANIELSPHOTOGRAPHY.COM, DAVIDWEDDINGPHOTOGRAPHY.COM

Most photographers learn to take photos and then editing them is somewhat of an afterthought. While editing is important to some photographers, it definitely takes a back seat to the art of taking the photo.

For David Daniels, his photography emerges from his extensive background in photo editing and design.

PUMPS AND PANTS PHOTOGRAPHY PUMPSANDPANTS.COM

Pumps and Pants offers a photo studio and traveling services for all the diverse photography needs. From family portraits to wedding and commitment ceremonies, owner Sasha Polak is an experienced and creative

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Photographers CONTINUED

photographer who caters to a queer clientele. Gays and lesbians can rest assured walking into the studio knowing they’re in the capable and friendly hands of a true “family” member.

ALL OCCASIONS PHOTOBOOTHS ALLOCCASIONSPHOTOBOOTHS.COM

Since 2008, All Occasions PhotoBooths, has been livening up weddings, birthday parties, family reunions and many other parties. The traveling photo booth company will go to just about any event and will help entertain guests and make memories.

The photo booth operation is most popular at weddings, said Diane Busteed, who owns and operates the company with her husband. All Occasions PhotoBooths helped sponsor the QSaltLake wedding giveaway.

The guests of the wedding can receive a copy of the photos that were taken and leave another copy for the hosts. Often times, these photos are put in a guest book next to the note and signature, Busteed said.

ROCKMELON WEDDING VIDEOS ROCKMELON.NET

Most people don’t know what they want to be when they grow up. For Leyda Cordova, that was only partially true.

She has been filming and editing wedding videos for more 10 years, and while most weddings have similarities, there are

always individual moments that can be highlighted in each wedding, she said.

The videos will include the marriage ceremony in its entirety as well as the speeches.

However, after that, every video is individualized. The music included on each video is different and used to reflect the personality and style of the couple, she said. The wedding attendees will never be asked to pose for a shot or manufacture any situation, she said.

Florists TWIGS FLOWER COMPANY TWIGSFLOWERCO.NET

For more than 20 years, Raymond King has been creating outstanding floral arrangements for every occasion imaginable.

He started Twigs Flower Company and has focused on delivering only the highest-quality products to his customers.

While delivering some of the most beautiful flower arrangements available in Utah, King said he focuses on providing locally grown and organic flowers.

On the occasion that he needs to order flowers from out of the country, he will only purchase fair-trade flowers.

SAX-ROMNEY FLORAL 801- 487-2179

From the everyday flower occasions, to weddings and corporate events, Sax-Romney Floral Design is a full-service company that can tailor orders

to the needs of each customer.

The mission statement is to deliver an excellent customer experience, and help the client deliver a beautiful and unique flower arrangement, said Edward Kubicek, owner and operator.

Sax-Romney opened more than a decade ago and provides flowers for every occasion.

THE WINDOW BOX THEWINDOWBOX.COM

As Northern Utah’s premier florist, the Window Box has just the right flowers and gifts to make any day special. With complete floral services for every occasion, featuring the designs of Tracy Barlow, Davis County’s only AIFD accredited designer, they look forward to an opportunity to be of service.

THE ART FLORAL THEARTFLORAL.COM

For that last minute need, special request, custom design just that extra-special human touch, The Art Floral just can’t be beat. The Salt Lake City floral company is full-service with same-day deliveries. For weddings, birthdays, special occasions or just to have that extra pizzazz, The Art Floral is a queer-friendly and inclusive shop to help say, “Thanks,” “I love you,” or “I’m sorry.”

Liquor BROWN-FORMAN BROWN-FORMAN.COM

Since 1870, Brown-Forman has grown to be one of the largest liquor retailers in the United States. The company markets

and sells a large variety of different well-known brands including Jack Daniel’s, Southern Comfort, Finlandia Vodka and Korbel California Champagnes.

Brown-Forman is one of the two wine and spirits companies listed on the Human Rights Commission equality index.

The HRC gave the company a perfect 100 on the Corporate Equality Index.

BACCHUS EVENT SERVICES BACCHUSEVENTSERVICES.COM

Bacchus Event Service provides bar services and rentals of barrelated furnishings including tables, tents, chairs, stemware and silverware for events held throughout Northern Utah.

Bacchus has staffed events of all sizes, from parties at the Sundance Film Festival with thousands of attendees to the smallest party in the group’s history — a gathering of eight friends.

Tuxedos/ Dresses TUXEDOS BY LEE TUXEDOSBYLEE.COM

Tuxedos by Lee offers much more than the equivalent to renting your dad’s tuxedo. Every five years, these locally owned and operated stores replace their entire inventory said Meghan Roberts, the general manager.

The selection of tuxedos is enormous. With just about every color and style imaginable, there are options for everyone’s taste, Roberts said.

The Salisbury Mansion Welcome to The Salisbury Mansion, a beautiful and unique venue for your special events. For over 100 years The Salisbury Mansion has been a place where memories are made and moments are shared. We invite you to make your special moments a part of the rich history of this jewel of a venue.

Located near Downtown Salt Lake City, the historic Salisbury Mansion is perfect for your wedding or other special event.

To learn more about us please visit www.salisburymansion.com 574 East 100 S, SLC, Utah 84102

801-355-5922

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Tux/Dresses CONTINUED

THE RITZ TUXEDOS THERITZTUXEDOS.COM

With more than 20 tuxedo styles and more than 50 vest colors and patterns, The Ritz Tuxedos is perfect for weddings and other formal events. With same-day service and pick-up the evening before the event, the service is unbeatable.

PLUS SIZE CONSIGNMENT PLUSSIZECONSIGNMENTOFSLC.COM

Now women in Salt Lake City can recycle their wardrobes by buying, selling and trading plus size clothing. Until now, the large size customer has been the “forgotten woman” in the world of consignment but the average American woman is size 14. As owner of the Greater Salt Lake Woman, Pam Scarpelli introduced fashion to the “curvy woman.”

JUST GIRL STUFF JUSTIGIRLSTUFF.COM

Specializing in prom and wedding dresses, Just Girl Stuff, has more than 600 dresses in stock and available for fitting. From bridesmaids to flower girls, this beautiful and queer-friendly store in Riverdale, Utah, is a mustvisit for anyone, gay or straight, planning a wedding or any other special event.

FAIRY GODMOTHER’S BRIDAL FAIRYGODMOTHERSBRIDAL.COM

Seasonal collections and the latest in styles make Fairy Godmother’s Bridal a perfect stop. Dress sizes vary from petite to plus-sized.

With more than two decades of experience, the Fairy Godmother knows how to stay relevant.

Jewelers CHARLEY-HAFEN JEWELERS CHARLEYHAFEN.COM

From humble beginnings more than 20 years ago in a hotel-lobby jewelry shop to being one of Utah’s premier jewelers, Charley Hafen Jewelers established a legacy of fantastic customer

service, competitive prices and phenomenal pieces.

With an enormous inventory of everything from diamond necklaces and earrings to antique 7th century beads, the store is quite literally a work of art. And aside from the collection of pieces already in the store, Hafen will help design a piece to fit a customer’s taste.

BART RUSSON JEWELERS BARTRUSSONJEWELERS.COM

The family-owned jewelry store specializes in gold, silver and equally beautiful metals like titanium and tungsten. From customized works of art to an impressive array of the latest and classic styles.

Linens SPECIALTY LINENS SPECIALTYLINENS.US

With more than 50,000 pieces of linen available in 60 different colors, Specialty Linens has one of Utah’s largest selections available for rental. From weddings to small family gatherings, Specialty Linens has all the different colors and sizes necessary.

Disc Jockeys SOUNDWRITE LLC ROGERLCOX@GMAIL.COM

Roger Cox got his business off the ground in December of 2011.

With an education in Spanish and music, Cox has used his talents hosting a program on KPCW, but has wanted to take his work directly to the community.

“Everything in my life has to do with music,” Cox said. “It is so important to me.”

He offers DJ and other emcee and hosting services for weddings, events, parties and dances.

While music is his passion, being involved with the community is also very important, he said.

DJ PAULY DJPAULYWEDDINGS.COM

For Paul Helms, being a disc jockey is much more than a hobby. The St. Louis native has been honing his craft since 1989

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

when he began working as a professional deejay.

“We have an advantage over other companies,” Helms said.

“We’ve performed at weddings all over the nation. We don’t do cookie-cutter receptions. We help create a great experience, not just for the couple, but for everyone there that night.”

THE UTAH MUSEUM OF FINE ARTS

Event Centers/ Planners

RIEHL EVENTS

PREMIER CORPORATE EVENTS PIERPONTPLACE.COM

Stylish and upscale Pierpont Place can be rented for weddings, corporate events, parties or any other occasion.

However, if the customer does not want to hold the event at Pierpont Place, the Premier Corporate Events offers catering, planning and bar services.

“We not only help our clients find other venues, we will help them plan the events, bring all the necessary tables, chairs and tablecloths and provide all the food and drink services necessary,” Boes said.

MEMORIAL HOUSE UTAHHERITAGEFOUNDATION.COM

Nestled in the beautiful and serene backdrop of Memory Grove Park, the Memorial House is the perfect location for any special day. The historic charm of Memorial House, coupled with the amazing elegance and beauty of Memory Grove Park make this an ideal year-round choice for weddings and other ceremonies. Memorial House provides the perfect ambiance for an elegant dinner or reception. Guests will feel right at home with the warm wood floors, large fireplace and open layout.

During the summer months, the charming French doors open to the patio, where guests can take in the sweeping views of the park and relax under the shade of large umbrellas. In the colder months, the fireplace provides guests with a cozy atmosphere on your perfect winter night.

UMFA.UTAH.EDU

While many in Salt Lake City know the Utah Museum of Fine Arts as a place to see a wideranging collection of art from around the globe and a number of outstanding traveling exhibits, fewer likely know that it is also an excellent venue for receptions RIEHLEVENTS.COM

As an event planner, Jacque Riehl offers her clients four different services: planning, production, décor and design. In the planning stage, Riehl will meet with a client and work out a detailed budget plan. “Literally we become the client’s personal assistant, available to them 24-7 so everything and anything they need we’re onboard to do,” Riehl said.

FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH OF SALT LAKE FIRSTBAPTIST-SLC.ORG

First Baptist Church is a loving, growing, queer-friendly congregation whose arms are open to embrace everyone, just as God embraces us all without distinction. There are two chapels — one large and one small — which can be used as a beautiful setting for a gorgeous traditional wedding.

THE SALISBURY MANSION SALISBURYMANSION.COM

The Salisbury Mansion is a historic building located at 574 E and First South. The 100-year-old mansion is a downtown jewel whcich can be rented for weddings or oher events.

Invitations C3 DESIGN C-3DESIGN.COM

C3 Design is a full design company with expertise in an eclectic mix of fields including stationary and site décor for any occasion. “The whole idea is that your event should be all tied together,” said co-owner Colby D. Su. But clients, she added, can pick any service they want for their events, from a full interior design consultation, to event planning, to place settings, to unique cards and invitations.

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Attorneys

Salons

CHRIS WHARTON LAW

CHERRY BOMB SALON

CHRISWHARTONLAW.COM

CHERRYBOMBSALON.COM

Chris Wharton is a Utah attorney focusing on family law, criminal defense, and LGBT legal issues.

The Cherry Bomb Salon is led by Nickole Hogan. Along with fabulous cuts, styling and colors, she is an educator with Pravana Natureceuticals and is experienced in current advanced hair coloring, hair cutting and straightening techniques for all hair types.

Hogan also specializes in MAC makeup and is a certified MAC Pro Makeup artist.

Her creative passions include beauty transformations, weddings, photo shoots and special events.

JIM HARRIS, ATTORNEY JLHARRIS65@Q.COM

Ceremonies Consulting Hypnosis For additional info visit LeesaMyers.com

8 01 - 8 2 4 - 07 7 4

Member: Utah Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, HRC, Equality Utah, UtahGayWeddings.com

Jim Harris is a family law attorney with more than 10 years experience in estate planning, small business consultations and assisting same-sex couples with legal advice.

LAUREN R. BARROS, P.C. LAURENBARROSLAW.com

Lauren Barros offers reasonable solutions and litigation services for complicated family law issues.

LAURA MILLIKEN GRAY 801-983-3309

Laura Milliken Gray, P.C. is a specialty law firm providing expert, comprehensive and caring legal services.

‘Making it Legal’ is an essential guide for gay couples With civil unions, domestic partnerships and mutualcommitment registries, the options for gay relationships are extremely complex.

In many states where gay marriage is illegal, there are laws and regulations for gay relationship recognition that may vary by county and city.

Salt Lake City, for example, has a mutual-commitment registry that is similar to domestic partnerships. Civil unions are now legal in 13 states and gay marriage is legal in nine states and in Washington, D.C. However, there are three other states that recognize, and grant rights to, marriages performed in other states.

With such a diverse range of laws, each gay relationship may hold a different set of requirements, and legal differences,

which is why the book, Making it Legal: A Guide to Same-Sex Marriage, Domestic Partnerships — Civil Unions, is an essential guide for gay couples.

“This book is perfect for anyone who is looking to be involved in a relationship,” said the author Frederick Hertz.

“The book helps to not only map out the entire relationship, from partner selection to the wedding ceremony.”

Hertz is also the author of the definitive legal guide for all gay relationships called, A Legal Guide for Lesbian — Gay Couples. He said many gay people have different perspectives on long-term relationships than many straight people.

“When you sit around with a bunch of straight women talking about their dates, you often hear them say things like, “He’s

DOLCE HAIR 801231-7776

Visit Dolce Hair before the big day to make it the most fabulous event possible.

You’ll find queer-friendly stylists in an urban-chic atmosphere.

just not marriage material.” I don’t think you hear that very often within the gay community,” Hertz said.

One of the main points of the book is to help gay people realize that marriage is not just a way to gain benefits from a partner’s employment, it’s a responsibility, Hertz said.

“Marriage eventually will reach all 50 states, even Utah,” Hertz said. “Now is the time to start thinking about a relationship and working toward that goal.

Marriage isn’t going to be a political statement. It will be a right. And one that should be taken very seriously.

The book can be read from cover-to-cover, or it can be used as a specific guide, just following the table of contents. It is extremely simple to find the specifics on

CLAUDIO’S HAIR SALON 801-236-7992

Perfect stop for men or women to have the cut, shave or styling before the big day.

Ministers INTERFAITH CELEBRATIONS — REV. LEESA MYERS LEESA@LEESAMYERS.COM

Serving the queer community is more than just a business decision for Leesa Myers said.

But offering to help work with gay and lesbian couples is a personal decision to make Utah a more welcoming place, she said.

“I love working with gay couples. It is absolutely my passion,” she said. “Even when it’s going to possibly affect my sales, I always advertize that I work with gay couples. I want them to know that they can feel comfortable with me.”

your state or area.

The book is also a comprehensive history of gay marriage and relationships in America and it outlines each battle through the states’ legislature and the courts. While working through the history, different state’s positions on same-sex marriage are outlined.

As

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april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

changes are made to the laws around the country, the book’s website is updated to reflect those changes.

The book will help answer some of the most difficult questions for gay couples and there are detailed guides for Utah couples. The first few steps for gay couples are to plan for disability through health care directives, sign a power of attorney and prepare a will. If these steps are not followed, the state will not recognize that even long-term couples have any legal recognition.

A healthcare directive is a document that tells medical and legal professionals who can make decisions about the signee’s healthcare; including who should make medical decisions should the signee be unable to communicate his or her wishes. A power of attorney for health care, medical directive and a living will can

all be used for this purpose.

A power of attorney for finances and property can empower a partner to make important financial decisions should the signee become unable to do so. This can be used for situations where the signee is traveling and unable to be reached or should he or she become disabled.

A will is a basic set of written instructions who should receive the signee’s property upon his or her death. The list of instructions can include a residuary clause that covers assets acquired after the signing of the will. An executor will also be named to distribute the assets.

The book outlines the basic and advanced directives each couple should be made aware, and while the assistance of an attorney is suggested, Making it Legal is a terrific resource for any gay or lesbian couple in Utah. Q

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40 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | BUY LOCAL

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

Tea fit for a queen

As the Salt Lake City foodie scene explodes, small businesses are driving the movement with creative, entrepreneurial efforts. Salt Lake City business and life partners Michael Ferguson and Seth Anderson are on the leading edge of the scene with a relaxing, liquid form. The couple recently launched The Queens Tea, offering artisan teas and introductory courses.

“There’s so much history and so much to learn,” said Anderson. “It was a mutual interest that we came to about a year ago. We saw the boring tea that you can get at the supermarket and we thought there must be more to it. We explored local

tea shops to learn more about the plants and started drying our own fruits.”

When Ferguson had a conference to attend in China, the pair began taking courses from tea masters. Although their formal education in tea is

relatively recent, Anderson is working on a master’s degree in history and Ferguson on a doctorate in functional neuroscience. At first the hobby was a way to spend time and learn together, but the innovative and driven couple decided to

make it more.

Business has been moving quickly and Queens Tea products are available online at thequeenstea.com and at several markets and stores around the Salt Lake Valley. The full and growing list of stores is

save the date April 5-13

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Utah Pride Festival utahpridefestival.org AUGUST 4

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Support the member businesses of the april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

available on the website.

Anderson credits the quick growth to a very responsive foodie culture in Utah as well as an interest in alternative systems of health and wellness. While tea can be a very relaxing or social drink, there are also other antioxidant properties that are very valuable to a person’s health, Ferguson said. Peer reviewed studies show it can help benefit various aspects, including preventing cancer, he said.

“I think there’s a tendency to go to fruit teas when getting started. I would suggest starting with a simple green tea and learning what kinds of teas you like,” Ferguson said.

There are dozens of varieties of teas, all with their own subtleties and benefits that drinkers can Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson explore. The teas are perfect hot or cold and enjoyed alone or with friends and family as a conversation piece, Ferguson said. Some of the teas offered by Queen’s Tea include oolong, pu-erh, white, green, black and herbal teas.

The couple is also in the process of partnering to help victims of so-called gay conversion therapy. Ferguson is also a plaintiff in a lawsuit against a group conducting “ex-gay” therapy.

“We’re so excited to see it taking off and doing well,” Anderson said. “I think there’s a lot to be learned about tea, if people are just willing to give it a try.”

Queen’s Tea is an excellent option to buy local and support the queer community. For more information and to order tea, go to thequeenstea.com or find the company on Facebook at facebook.com/thequeenstea. Q

because they support you!

The Chamber is open to corporations of all sizes, sole proprietors and independent agents and is a great place to meet other professionals, make business contacts, promote your business and work for the enhancement of Utah’s gay and lesbian community.

GAY WEDDINGS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 41

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42 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

arts

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

15 things you should do in March

effectively train your dog to obey your commands.

(More events at gaysaltlake.com.)

4thursday

Whatever you do…don’t call them MUPPETS! It’s Jim Henson’s ‘other’ puppets… behaving badly… STUFFED & UNSTRUNG is 80 Henson puppets and six comedians, live onstage for an uncensored improv comedy show that adults will love … no kids allowed.

7:30pm, Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Circle. Tickets $24.5036.50. $5 for UofU students. kingtix. com, 801‑581-7100

5friday

The joke is on Park City as the town roasts itself and all its quirks. The PARK CITY FOLLIES is a must for anyone who lives or breathes mountain air.

8pm, Egyptian Theatre, 328 Main St, Park City. Tickets $29-35, egyptiantheatrecompany.org, 435-649-9371.

6saturday

The last bus of the season as Spring has sprung and all of our thoughts turn to ... our last trip to West Wendover with the naughty girls and boys. The BIG GAY FUN BUS lives up to its name. What’s in this Jello, anyway?

Noon to 9pm, leaving from Club TryAngles, 251 E 900 South. Tickets $25 at biggayfunbus.com, 801-649-6663 ext 3 or at the bar.

This bus will sell out.

7sunday

Gamble the hate out of Utah at this fundraiser for the Restore Our Humanity project, which will be challenging Utah’s anti-gay Amendment 3.

MONTE CARLO NIGHT is a black tie benefit with blackjack, poker, roulette and fun.

6-10pm, Zest Kitchen and Bar, 275 S 200 W. restoreourhumanity.org

10wednesday Religion, politics and sex. All bad table topics; all good theater. THE EXIT INTERVIEW is a comedy about Professor Dick Fig’s exit interview.

Through May 5, 7:30pm, Salt Lake Acting Company Upstairs Theater, 168 W 500 N. Tickets $24, saltlakeactingcompany. org or 801-363-7522

13saturday

Sluts unite! To challenge victim blaming, debunk rape myths, end rape culture, and empower sexual assault survivors, the SLUT WALK is now in its third year. Put on your most risque clothes and start walking.

1pm, Washington Square, 451 S. State St. slutwalkslc.com

19friday

This is not your grandma’s bingo, but she’d have a blast if you brought her. This month, the Matrons of Mayhem’s

THIRD FRIDAY BINGO will benefit the Salt Lake Men’s Choir. I think they should sing for their ... earnings? Party foul!

7pm, First Baptist Church, 777 S. 1300 East. First bingo card $5, $3 each additional.

• UofU Social Work Students

from and Utah’s LGBT and ally community is joining forces to help get homeless youth off the streets by supporting Volunteers of America’s efforts to fund the first overnight homeless youth shelter in Utah.

All proceeds from DRAG IN FOR DOLLARS go directly to VOA. There are many great prizes being raffled and auctioned.

8pm, JAM, 751 N 300 West, 21+. Tickets $10 at the door.

20saturday Trouble getting your dog to listen? This human-only

CLICKER WORKSHOP will show you

the latest and greatest ways to humanely and

2:30-4pm, Animal Care Center, 698 W 500 South, West Bountiful.

Worksop is $40 and must be prepaid by calling 801-463-1668 or emailing Info@FourLeggedScholars.com

• A new choir of gay, lesbian, bisexual and ally membes of the LDS Church have come together to form THE ONE VOICE CHOIR , which will perform their debut concert free to the public. (Donations are welcome.) The choir has already been featured on National Public Radio and 7pm, Christ United Methodist Church, 2375 E 3300 South

• Queer and allied youth 14

to 20 years of age are invited to enjoy a safe and affirming evening of dancing and celebration at the annual QUEER PROM . With more than 700 youth in attendance, the event is not to be missed. Queer Prom 8pm-midnight, Salt Lake City Library, 210 E. 400 South. Tickets $5 in advance at the Utah Pride Center, $10 at the door.

25thursday

Utah Pride Center’s group for those 50 and older will be holding a FINANCIAL PLANNING AND RETIREMENT WORKSHOP. This interactive workshop will surround lifecycle financial planning. Light refreshments and beverages will be served.

6-7:30pm, Utah Pride Center Multipurpose Room, 351 N. 300 West. Free of charge.

A&E | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 43

april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

Allison Weiss

BY SETH BRACKEN

If you’ve never heard of Allison Weiss, you’re not alone. The relatively unknown singer-songwriter is still building a following through her impressive social media presence, syrupy-sweet vocals, stinging lyrics and expertly produced tracks. The openly lesbian singer is releasing a new album which was funded through a Kickstarter.com campaign.

The album, Say What you Mean, debuts April 16. It plays with pop-punk and 80s-style synthesizer and any fans of Tegan and Sara or Jenny Owens Young are bound to find a new favorite in Weiss. She’ll be performing on March 26 at the Shred Shed, 60 E. Exchange Place, Salt Lake City.

When describing her sound and music, she laughed and said her music is designed to get stuck in listeners” heads.

“My go-to description is ‘catchy indie-pop about my feelings,’” she said.

And while that is an apt description, there is much more to the album than simple songs about feelings. Lyrics are purposely left open-ended concerning gender and other identifying characteristics. And while Weiss

is public about her sexuality, it doesn’t define her career, music or life, she said. After staying in the closet about her sexuality and relationships, Weiss came out to fans in 2009.

However, the decision didn’t much affect her fan-base or music, she said.

“I absolutely think sexuality is becoming less of an issue in all aspects of the music industry,” Weiss said. “I know some bands and artists really target the gay demographic, but I try to keep my music and appeal wide.”

Weiss grew up in Athens, Ga., which has a phenomenal music scene and is quite liberal, Weiss said. But she sympathizes with those who live in conservative areas and is a strong advocate for queer youth. Her “It Gets Better” YouTube video has more than 30,000 views and she said she loves when her music and example inspires others to come out and live authentically.

Weiss said she gathers inspiration for her music from various aspects of life, but a lot from her relationship experiences. However, even her breakup lyrics are a little more Adele and not much Taylor Swift.

Her music is smart and snappy and includes turns of phrase such as, “I hate to say I like the way you love to lead me on” while keeping everything nearly radio-ready. After

a single listen, listeners are bound to want to go back for more.

“A lot of my songs have that upbeat and happy tone but are really kind of sad emotional,” Weiss said. “As a person and human I just want to have fun. I want people to come to my shows and have a great time. All of us have experienced heartbreak, so I think it’s easy for people to relate to my music.”

Weiss” current tour is already receiving rave reviews and her album was called a ‘strong and impressively tart new album” by the New York Times. Weiss demonstrates mastery in writing, performance, marketing and crowd sourcing.

It seems to be just a matter of time before she takes her rightful place at the forefront of indie pop.

For tickets to Weiss’ Salt Lake show, go to shredshedslc.com.

The Grand Theatre Proudly Presents

La Cage Aux Folles Can the son of a great Diva convince his fiancée’s conservative parents to accept his flamboyant family? Join us for a gleefully over-the-top musical romp!

Featuring some of the area’s most talented performers! Winner of six Tony Awards, including Best Music, Best Score, and Best Book for Harvey Fierstein Tickets are on sale NOW at the-grand.org

South City Campus 1575 S. State, SLC www.the-grand.org

801-957-3322

May 9-25

Evenings 7:30 p.m. Matinees: 2:00 p.m.

44 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

Utah Pride Festival announces 2013 headline performers Just as QSaltLake was going to press, we were let in on the closelyheld secret of who will be performing at Pride this year.

Alex Newell, who plays gender-bending Wade “Unique” Adams on Glee will be performing. He has been performing for years, starting with a gospel choir and then, after seeing Hairspray, he’s obsessed with Broadway ... and Beyonce.

Ivy Winters was on the current season of Ru Paul’s Drag Race and was just eliminated the day before we went to press.

Pandora Boxx was on the second season of RuPaul’s Drag Race, as well as several seasons of Drag U and RuPaul’s All Stars Drag Race.

Thelma Houston is best known for her 1977 number-one hit, Don’t Leave Me this Way, for which she won a Grammy award. Recently, she has been performing onstage in the musical versoin of Fame, as well as a guest performer on American Idol and America’s Got Talent.

The Utah Pride Festival runs from May 30 to June 2 at Washington Square. See UtahPrideFestival.org

april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

A&E | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 45

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gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

travel

The ins and outs of cruising (the seas, that is)

BY SETH BRACKEN

In the world of gay cruises there are two juggernauts: RSVP Vacations and Atlantis Events. Both companies charter entire cruise ships and have multiple destinations around the world. From Asia to Europe and Mexico to the Caribbean, the two offer a huge variety of destinations to customers. And while RSVP was one of the original cruise companies, having launched in 1985, it was acquired by Atlantis Events in 2007.

Both companies maintain separate and distinct operations and marketing plans. While people of all ages, colors, orientations and genders use both companies, RSVP Vacations has a reputation of a more gentrified and bear crowd. Atlantis, on the other hand, is often known for its wild parties and younger crowd.

After going on an Atlantis and an RSVP cruise, I have learned that there are more similarities than differences, but I can also say finding the right fit for your vacation can make the week even more fabulous.

You can find whatever you’re looking for on a gay cruise.

If you’re looking for a quiet time while relaxing, drinking, meeting new people and

enjoying interesting destinations, you’ll find it. If you’re looking for more intense partying and rendezvous of the sexual nature, you’ll find that, too. The cruise companies ensure you have everything you need to enjoy a fabulous and wonderful week and just like any gay bar, event or festival, you can enhance the experience however you’d like.

RSVP Vacations I went on the Holland America MS Eurodam to Curacao, Aruba and a privately owned Bahamas island called Half Moon Cay. The trip was seven days and left from Ft. Lauderdale, Fla., one of the gayest cities in the world. Holland America had delicious dining options, innovative and interesting cocktails and an attentive staff. The destinations were astounding and I was able to scuba dive, snorkel and participate in Curacao’s Carnival — walking the 5-mile stretch on the parade route while drinking a local beer is one of the highlights of my trip.

On-board the ship, I was impressed to encounter people of all ages, body types and income levels. I met many retirees and

enjoyed learning about their experiences watching the gay rights movement evolve.

Several bear and cub-specific travel agencies also had a representation on board and the cruise was marketed toward a crowd that didn’t necessarily have perfect Adonis bodies so often seen in gay advertising. Despite the marketing and agencies, it would be an enormous miscategorization to call this a bear cruise. In general, the crowd followed cruising trends and simply attracted an older, sophisticated crowd of men.

On the cruise, multiple themed parties were sponsored by RSVP Vacations and the themes included “80s in New York, glitter, animal and an anything-goes costume party.

The themes were approachable and I was able to participate without too much effort or cost. Many people dressed up and had extravagant costumes, but there were plenty just enjoying the spectacle and a cocktail.

Parties usually ended around 2 a.m. and had a moderate attendance. There was some dancing, but more mixing and chatting than moving and shaking. Finding friends was very easy and nearly everyone I spoke with was happy to make my acquaintance. The people in attendance were generally in their 40s to 80s and very friendly.

Along with the parties, RSVP Vacations brings select entertainment specific to the gay crowd. This year we were able to see

A&E | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 47

april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

several stand-up comics, cabaret singers, drag queens and even Carrie Fisher. I was lucky enough to meet Fisher during one of the parties. She was extremely friendly but she also had a breakdown that appeared to be drug-induced. I say that because she told us during her performance that she had taken drugs from passengers on the ship and then proceeded to point out her drug dealer by name. The actress behind Princess Leia could have wowed us with stories of intrigue and Hollywood glamour. Instead, we witnessed an emotional breakdown on stage and most left during the performance. Shortly after returning from the cruise, Fisher was hospitalized.

RSVP Vacations staff was incredibly accommodating and friendly. The staff has a desk on the main floor where cruisers can go to find out more about parties, entertainment and other information. Overall, RSVP Vacations is perfect for those looking for a quieter, gentler cruise with a more refined crowd.

Atlantis Events In January 2012 I took the Atlantis Royal Caribbean Allure cruise to Labadee, Haiti, Costa Maya, Mexico and Cozumel, Mexico.

We were on the largest cruise ship in the world as we sailed across the deep blue. I could not speak more highly about Royal Caribbean. It outperformed Holland America

in every standard. It had better service, more comfortable rooms, better food, cheaper and better drinks and the ship was newer, larger and had more entertainment options.

On this cruise I was able to snorkel, scuba dive and enjoy some much-needed relaxing beach time. The destinations were interesting and had various options, including zip lines, ruin tours and beach visits. The excursions are offered through the cruise line and don’t differ much from options with RSVP Vacations.

That’s not to say the two gay companies are the same.

Where RSVP Vacations is a cruise that happens to be gay, Atlantis Events is a gay cruise.

The experience was like a floating Pride Festival with branding, decorations and all-night parties. There was thumping music playing 24-hours a day on one part of the ship or another. The party decorations were ostentatious and the costumes were astounding. Nearly every day and night there were themed parties with world-class disc jockeys and thousands in attendance. There’s no doubt that the Atlantis parties were bigger and grander than those offered by RSVP Vacations.

I was surprised to find the cruise was not full of twinks or those in their late teens and 20s. Instead, the most common age appeared to be 30s and 40s. There were bears,

muscle boys, average Joes and everything in between. I made many friends and found nearly everyone I encountered to be friendly and helpful. We were all on vacation and had more alcohol than was really necessary, so making friends seemed to be fairly easy.

Much like RSVP Vacations, we also had gay-specific entertainers with hilarious drag queens, comics and even the amazing Idina Menzel, who originated the role of Elphaba in Wicked and plays Rachel’s mother on Glee.

Both Atlantis Events and RSVP Vacations have a lot to offer and the tools to have a fantastic vacation are readily available. I would personally recommend Atlantis Events for those who like dancing, clubbing and are looking for a more active crowd. There were plenty of bears, cubs and people of all ages on board. If you’re looking for a quieter, more gentrified crowd and you aren’t interested in dancing or parties, RSVP Vacations might just be the perfect fit.

Whatever you decide, a gay cruise is a phenomenal experience. Every bar turns into a gay bar. Every restaurant turns into a gay restaurant. For an entire week you’ll live in a world where being a gay man is the norm and everyone else is a little strange and out of place. My experiences have been unequaled in scope and scale. I would highly recommend a gay cruise through either company. Q For info, go to rsvpvacations.com or atlantisevents.com.

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48 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

Cafe Trio

BY JOSHUA JONES

For me,

warm weather means patio dining and Salt Lake City has some notable restaurants with lush al fresco spaces for their patrons. One that stands out for me is Cafe Trio. It’s just a couple blocks from my house, so I’m a bit of a regular and in the summer months the patio can be the perfect spot for long, drawn-out meals with friends under twinkling bulbs with a couple bottles of wine.

I was nervous about Trio a couple years ago when some of the longtime — and beautiful — servers had moved elsewhere (I’m talking to you Xan — wherever you are). They also lost Joshua Pace, Meredith, Nikki, Princess and others who imbued the place with familiarity and heart. The food was the same, but the friendly, knowingyour-drink and favorite entrée had passed.

Perhaps an accountant had noticed too many free drinks, or maybe a “consultant” was brought in to help manage the growing businesses (the owners also own Fresco Italian Café on 15th — 15th and Café Trio in Cottonwood). Whatever happened, I

food& drink can tell you they are back on track. Nikki and Casey are back, heading the front of the house with a smile and knowledge of which no owner should ever let go.

It was too cold on my recent visits to enjoy the patio, so we sat inside and I noticed how the hip interior has held up so well for over a decade. The bright colors and white tablecloths make Trio modern and sophisticated while the exposed brick puts anyone in a comfortable mood.

Being a really “good” drinker (I’ll let you decipher what “good” means), I started with a wonderful High West Whiskey cocktail, it was a special served in a cute little Ball jam jar with a paper-thin lemonslice garnish that had been lightly grilled.

It was a perfect aperitif — maybe too perfect as I don’t recall the exact ingredients or the name — perfect beginning!

I usually don’t do apps, but the rosemary flatbread is truly addictive. The flatbread is served warm, fresh out of their pizza oven in a ceramic bowl with a hearty pile of sweet caramelized onions, roasted tomatoes and peppers and a creamy goat cheese.

It’s sinful, and could be a meal in itself, if you didn’t want to share. In the summer, on the patio, the antipasto plate is a great place to start the munching over cured meats, olives, local and Ital-

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

ian cheeses and more flatbread.

When Trio opened they received a lot of press about their wine list, which is organized by price instead of varietal or region.

The wines have steadily been improving and feature wines from Italy and the northwest. My meal would not have been the same without a glass of the Cha Cha, a Grenache from Spain. It was delightful and perfect with the baked penne. OK, baked penne, not the most ambitious item for a food review, and trust me, I’ve had everything on the menu, but if you’re new to Trio, this is a must. It’s like you’re in an Italian grandmother’s kitchen. The dish is thick, rich and hearty — gran biscotto ham, mushrooms and oven-roasted tomatoes, all basking in a garlic cream sauce.

You’re going to take enough home for two more servings — it’s that big, and even better the next day.

A few other must-tries are the chopped salad — fresh and light with pistachios, greens, cucumbers and feta topped with perfectly roasted beets. Make a point to listen to the fish special, it’s never let me down and generally some of the best cooked fish I’ve had in the city.

Trio’s fab flame is burning brighter than ever and if it’s been a while, you should go back, the patio is open! Q

CAFÉ TRIO 680 S. 900 East, Salt Lake City 801-533-8746 (Matt was out of town for this column.)

FOOD&DRINK | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 49

april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

Del Mar al Lago For people of all ages to hang out, play pool, get on the internet, play music COFFEE BURGERS SANDWICHES SOUPS SALADS APPETIZERS BREAKFAST BRUNCH POOL TABLE VIDEO GAMES JUKE BOX FREE WIFI OPEN Mon-Thur 7a–7p Friday 7a-3p AND After Bar Closing Fridays and Saturdays

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50 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD&DRINK

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

cocktail chatter

Above and Beyond

BY ED SIKOV

My brother-

in-law introduced me to a new liqueur last week — well, new to me, anyway. It’s an Italian aperitif called Aperol, and it’s quite delicious. Think Campari, but with less alcohol. According to Wikipedia, Aperol’s flavors include bitter orange, rhubarb, gentian and cinchona.

What’s that you say? You’ve never even heard of either gentian or cinchona? Well, my dears! Step out of ignorance and into the light of knowledge! (Truth alert: I had never heard of them either and had to look them up on — where else? — Wikipedia. Gentian is derived from the root of a flowering Alpine herb; cinchona is an Andean plant that serves as a source of quinine.)

My aforementioned brother-in-law, Paul, used Aperol as one ingredient in a delicious cocktail named “Il Sorpasso.” He’d found the recipe in the New York Times. Perhaps needless to say, I was confident I could improve on the recipe, so I’ve been experimenting with proportions in an effort to make the cocktail less sugary.

I’ve come up with a more balanced drink — to my taste, at least.

But for history’s sake, I’ve included the original recipe as well. In short, I eliminated the extra sugar but kept the original honey. I also dislike club soda because it has an unnecessary touch of salt, so I use sparkling water instead — and less of it. Finally, I find recipes that lurch from ounces to teaspoons and back again to be a huge pain in the ass. We aren’t all human conversion calculators!

So in my version I use standard kitchen equipment: a measuring cup and a teaspoon.

I’m certain you’re all wondering what “il sorpasso” means in English. Translated without regard to the way any of us actually talk, “il sorpasso” means that which is surpassing. In consultation with my multilingual pal Steve, who lives in Rome when he’s not living in Paris (don’t you just hate him already?), I’ve come up with a looser, more fluid (if you will) translation: Above and Beyond. This

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cocktail is certainly that. It’s got the booziness of bourbon, the bitter orange of Aperol, a whiff of herbs, and a faint kiss of honey.

It’s a winner.

“Il Sorpasso”

(From the New York Times) 1 oz Aperol 1 oz bourbon 3/4 tsp honey 1 tsp lemon juice 1/4 tsp sugar 2 oz club soda Combine everything but the club soda in a cocktail shaker and shake; pour over ice, then add the club soda and an orange slice to garnish.

The Above and Beyond

(my adaptation) “frac14; cup Aperol “frac14; cup bourbon 3/4 tsp honey 1 tsp lemon juice sparkling water (it only needs a bit to provide fizz) In a cocktail shaker filled with ice, combine all the ingredients except the sparkling water; shake. Strain and pour over fresh ice, then add club soda and — if you’re fond of pieces of fruit batting against your face when you sip — an orange slice for garnish.

Ed Sikov is the author of the e-book, The Boys’ and Girls’ Little Book of Alcohol, a novel with recipes based on his Cocktail Chatter column.

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52 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD & DRINK

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

white’s wines

How Wine Criticism Is Changing

BY DAVID WHITE

Twice in

the past three months, the wine world has been rocked by news from Robert Parker, the world’s most famous wine critic.

In December, Parker announced that he’d sold a “substantial interest” in the Wine Advocate, the influential magazine he founded in 1978, to a trio of Singaporebased investors — and that he’d relinquished editorial control. In February, one of Parker’s top critics, Antonio Galloni, said that he’d left the publication to start an online enterprise.

Parker, who popularized the 100-point scale for reviewing wine, is nearly 66. So he can’t be faulted for wanting to slow down. But thanks to this pair of stories, oenophiles finally seem ready to admit that wine criticism is changing. Consumers don’t need — or want — centralized gatekeepers telling them what they should or shouldn’t drink. Consumers still need advisors, of course, but when today’s consumers want information, they’re willing to look past professional critics and instead turn to friends and trusted networks.

With travel, restaurants, movies, and so much else, this trend would hardly be worthy of commentary. TripAdvisor long ago supplanted paper-based guides like Frommer’s. Yelp is now the holy grail of restaurant reviews, and local blogs are increasingly influential. With movies, opening the local newspaper for commentary no longer makes sense when you can check out dozens of reviews on Rotten Tomatoes.

With wine, however, this shift runs counter to so much of what’s sacred.

Everything about wine — the bizarre tasting rituals, knowledge of obscure regions and varietals, and identifying good values — is supposed to be handed down from on high. Consumers are supposed to decide what to drink based on the advice of prominent wine critics — not mere amateurs.

But it’s obvious that consumers are growing comfortable dismissing gatekeepers.

Look at CellarTracker. Ten years ago, Eric LeVine, a Microsoft executive, built a data-management program for his wine cellar. When he showed the program to some friends, they begged him to share

it. So he put the program online, where friends could track their personal inventories and share tasting notes. LeVine then decided to make his program available to everyone, for free.

Today, about 800,000 people visit the site

ploy sommeliers who are eager to educate their customers.

The wine media is also changing. While consumers can still subscribe to publications like the Wine Advocate or Wine Spectator, they can also turn to blogs and

each month, and more than 2,200 wines are reviewed on the site each day. This means CellarTracker users review more wines in just six days than Robert Parker reviews in an entire year.

The site isn’t just used by wine junkies — about 90 percent of its visitors aren’t registered. As wine writer Jeff Siegel once wrote, “this means people aren’t going to CellarTracker to mark off a wine after they drink it; they’re going to CellarTracker to read wine reviews written by amateurs.”

Just as CellarTracker is becoming more popular, scores are becoming less important.

Across the country, boutique wine shops are taking off. Many don’t post scores at all, as the owners see scores as an obstacle to consumer interaction. Once upon a time at high-end restaurants, it wasn’t unusual to see scores on a wine list. Today, such a concept is laughable — top restaurants em-

message boards.

And then there’s social media. Facebook has eclipsed 1 billion active users; Twitter has half as many. Earlier this year, Instagram announced that it has over 100 million users. People are utilizing these platforms to share everything — and one of those things is wine. There’s even an iPhone app — Delectable — that enables users to remember, share, discover, and even purchase wines, just by snapping a photo. It’s becoming extremely popular among wine enthusiasts.

Today’s wine drinkers are an adventurous bunch, confident in their own palates and willing to trust the advice of their trusted networks. With Parker’s decline, this trend is only going to accelerate. Q David White, a wine writer, is the founder and editor of Terroirist.com. His columns are housed at Palate Press: The Online Wine Magazine (PalatePress.com).

MUSIC | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 53

april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

DRAKE JENSEN, OUTlaw

PLUMB, Need You Now

Also Out

JAMIE LIDELL, Jamie Lidell

Is the world ready for an openly gay male countrymusic star? We might not know for sure with Drake Jensen’s OUTlaw — and not because he’s queer. The burly, full-bearded, Nova Scotia-born honky-tonker deals with wellworn genre platitudes — though, interestingly, never seems to embrace his “out” status on anything but the title — and has a couple of feathers in his cowboy cap. That’s if you can get past his voice, first. Jensen lacks any distinct character in his butch Southern drawl, doing him no favors when he’s letting loose on “Fast Enough for Me.” Here, he sounds as unique as that one dude you saw at karaoke last week who received pity claps after his performance of a Garth Brooks song. Jensen just doesn’t have the vocal capabilities — or even the charisma — to rise above country music’s Tim McGraws and Keith Urbans, both of whom could sing circles around him (while riding a horse down a mountain). On “Crazy Beautiful,” an expression of self-empowerment, Jensen barely enunciates all together, sounding about as bored with this cheesy Hallmark song as you’ll be listening. “I Don’t Want to Know” reaches a climax that never climaxes (again with the flat delivery), and “Midnight Forest Cricket Chorus” is almost passable, though there’s no stomaching lines like “kiss and hug, god bless those bugs.” It’s admirable for Jensen to be out in the country-music world when so few are, but OUTlaw would be better left in the closet.

Grade: C-

BELINDA CARLISLE, ICON

The best part about Belinda Carlisle’s latest hits collection isn’t the greatness of these nostalgic gems, but the significance of ‘sun.” The song is Carlisle’s first pop single in 15 years, a club joint with a high-energy build and Kylie Minogue ethereality that honors the “80s singer’s roots without losing touch of modern-day dance. It fits snuggly into Carlisle’s hit catalog — but, unless you’ve never experienced Belinda (and to you I say, WTF?), there’s little else besides ‘sun” that hasn’t been covered on any of the icon’s umpteen other compilations.

You don’t have to be a pulpit-kneeling Jesus zealot to worship Tiffany Lee’s alt-rock knockout. Lee, who goes by the moniker Plumb, conceals the Christian themes with an almostEvanescencesounding surge of, well, heaven on her first album since 2007’s Blink.

To her advantage, the Indiana native sings with a forceful diva belt; with a voice like that, she could recite psalms and please the most devout atheist. Title track “Need You Now” (not to be confused with Lady Antebellum’s much-lesser drunken love song) starts with the big drum pops of Beyoncé’s “Halo” but then takes the power ballad back to Plumb’s rock roots.

Even though she name-drops the Man Himself, the song’s ambiguous enough to disguise this desperate prayer for divine intervention as a longing-forlove song. It helps, too, that she sings the hell out of it. The same ambiguity is present on “I Want You Here” and ‘say Your Name,” both burdened by a tragic loss — the frustrations, the pain, all that screaming. Plumb’s even more lyrically striking, and thematically engaging, during the close-to-home tragedy “Unlovable.” Written from the perspective of a person who’s been condemned for making other people feel “uncomfortable,” the powerful piece was inspired by a friend whose family disowned him for being gay. Now about this being a “Christian” album …

Grade: B+

English crooner Jamie Lidell is known for his souldoused songs and a sexy falsetto that could easily fool folks into thinking he’s Prince — the most obvious influence on his self-titled retro redux. Going back in time has him cozying up with some of the glittery and funky Scissor Sister sounds; “Do Yourself a Favor” could be a Night Work outtake. With its “The Pleasure Principle-ish opening, “Big Love” launches like the best Janet Jackson single since the early “00s, but then morphs into something all its own with, perhaps, the album’s hookiest chorus.

Get your break-dancing shoes out.

Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBT wire service. Reach him via his website at www.chrisazzopardi.com.

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54 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

anagram AN ANAGRAM IS A WORD OR PHRASE THAT CAN BE MADE USING THE LETTERS FROM ANOTHER WORD OR PHRASE. REARRANGE THE LETTERS BELOW TO ANSWER:

Jim Dabakis’ Chum

LICK AZURE GAY _____ _______

cryptogram A CRYPTOGRAM IS A PUZZLE WHERE ONE LETTER IN THE PUZZLE IS SUBSTI-

JANE’S WORLD

TUTED WITH ANOTHER. FOR EXAMPLE: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! HAS THE SOLUTION: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! IN THE ABOVE EXAMPLE ES ARE ALL REPLACED

BY CS. THE PUZZLE IS SOLVED BY RECOGNIZING LETTER PATTERNS IN WORDS AND SUCCESSIVELY SUBSTITUTING LETTERS UNTIL THE SOLUTION IS REACHED. THIS WEEK’S HINT: J = T

Theme: Kristen Chenowith’s wish?

O KZCHT HZEF SZVPOSB NZWF VPLS JZW NR JWOFSTY KPZ HZEF FLDP ZVPFW VZ BFV NLWWOFT. _ _____ ____ _______ ____ ____ ___ __ _______ ___ ____ ____ _____ __ ___ _______.

PUZZLE ANSWERS ON PAGE 62

april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

COMICS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 55

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

56 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

Q health

Should HIV/STD testing be free?

BY LYNN BELTRAN

Now that

the sequestration is a reality, many government agencies are looking at budgets and how federaland state-funded programs are being administered. Among those sure to be scrutinized are HIV programs and public sexually transmitted disease clinics. This scrutiny begs the question, should STD and HIV services be free?

This is actually not a new question, and not one that has emerged due to all of the new budget cuts being enacted in the coming months. Really, this issue is a bi-product of the overall state of the U.S. economy in the past five years and the need to evaluate the direction of social programs or programs that rely on tax dollar support. With all of the

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partisan politics that occur, there is constant controversy regarding social services and how to provide services to those truly in need without creating a culture of entitlement. I have watched this controversy unfold in Utah and in the United States as public STD clinics struggle to keep their doors open and still run effective programs.

STD programs initiated and usually run by local health departments originated in the 1970s throughout most of the country. Programs were based upon health education theory that told us that the best way to control disease within a population is to remove all potential barriers to a positive health outcome; this led to STD clinics that provided free services to diagnosed patients

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and their sexual partners. At the onset, anyone who had symptoms and could not pay would not be turned away from a public health clinic. Services evolved to include HIV counseling and testing and certainly needed to be inclusive and nonjudgmental.

The problem is that despite such programs, STD rates have continued to increase throughout the United States in the past 10 years. Clinics and outreach programs struggle to keep pace with rising disease rates and many programs have been forced to implement nominal fee structures in order to be able to continue. Public health at large continues to look at quality improvement for all programs and uses data to measure successes and a need for change. As an epidemiologist, data tells me that men who have sex with men are disproportionately infected with STDs and HIV. The data also tells me that MSM are much more likely to get re-infected with an STD multiple times, even within a year’s time.

National risk behavior data indicates that MSM report a higher number of concurrent sexual partners; I often refer to these as sexual networks.

The reality is simply that the social paradigm that comprises the MSM community is more often based upon casual sexual activity.

Many MSM in Salt Lake County seek free and low-cost public health services for their infections at the Salt Lake Valley Health Department, the Utah AIDS Foundation and Planned Parenthood. I often engage in dialogue with men who express frustration

at having to pay nominal fees for their STD services. Many explain that they delay seeking services due to an inability to pay, which obviously raises a red flag for public health.

Many men also reveal to me that they are not willing to change the behavior that is putting them at risk for STDs. This creates a real conundrum for public health.

So, really, what is the answer? Should STD services be free? I feel that, as with so many complex issues, this answer is somewhere in the middle. Providing communitybased comprehensive STD clinical and prevention services are so important to ensuring the sexual well being of a community. Services should be designed to lead to behavior change through education and intervention; they should not be designed to enable continued risky behaviors by making things so easy and free. Many patients argue that if we don’t provide free STD services then our infection rates will go up.

But there is also the argument that making it free and easy has not been working as well as we had hoped. My hope is that we can find a healthy marriage between making STD services accessible and low cost and encouraging personal responsibility for sexual health. Q

The White Stuff

60 Solo among the stars 61 End of the quote ACROSS 63 Greek T 1 Poet Adrienne 64 Thespians do it 5 GLAAD concern 65 Dakar’s nation 10 “Don’t preach,” 66 Joe holder Madonna told him 67 Porter’s “___ 14 Chocolate sandwich Shouldn’t I?” 15 Meat-filled treats 68 Advance trial 16 Thames school 69 Hanging spot 17 Start of a quote DOWN from Betty White 1 Garb for Troy Perry 20 Makeup maker 2 Gershwin and Levin Lauder 3 Boston cager, for 21 “What was ___ was short saying?”

4 Targets for Patty 22 Some like it hot Sheehan 23 More of the quote 5 Suffix that changes 26 The Gay ‘90s, for one senor’s gender 29 Cocteau contempo- 6 Mel pretended to be rary Maurice gay for her in What 30 Get up and go Women Want 33 Queer letter 7 Like Feniger’s vinegar 36 Climb up 8 Date steadily 39 More of the quote 9 Language ending 40 Soaring seafood 10 Tearoom possibility lover 11 Opposite of loads 43 More of the quote 12 Water lily home 44 Version 13 Showboat cap’n 47 More of the quote 18 Match a poker bet 49 Novelist Marcel 19 Off-rd. transport 51 Not promiscuous?

24 Crack code-cracking 54 Word on Warhol’s org. can 25 Life-beach connec55 LuPone Broadway tion role 26 Larry Kramer, for one 59 Flintstones’ pet 27 Eng. flyers

28 Sedaris of Strangers with Candy 30 Kind of Buddhist 31 P-town’s Crowne Pointe, e.g.

32 Palm Pilot, e.g.

34 Bravely endured 35 “You Are Sixteen, Going On Seventeen” and others 37 Bound by oath 38 Paddled in the stern, perhaps 40 College e-mail address ending 41 Fit your first mate’s mast 42 Unknown degree 45 At no time 46 Nocturnal lizards of Tennessee Williams 47 Charles Laughton’s ship of mutiny 48 “I’m coming!”

49 “I don’t believe that!”

50 Butt in the mouth 52 Catch in a trap 53 Like a chicken hawk’s prey 56 Weathercock 57 “And this is the thanks ___?”

58 Buster Brown’s pooch 61 Biter of Marc Antony’s girlfriend 62 Cockpit abbr.

ANSWERS ON PAGE PAGE 62

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april, 2013 | issue 217

58 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | ADVICE

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

ask mr. manners

Dating and HIV

BY ROCK MAGEN

So I have had a crush on a guy for about three months. He is funny, smart, cute and has an ass that is so hot! I have been chasing him since i met him. Well I finally got the nerve to ask him out, and he said yes! On the first date he told me he is HIV-positive.

I know it shouldn’t matter to me. But it does. I can’t help but be bothered by that. He wants to see me again. What do I do?! Help me Mr. Manners!

—Billy Bob Thorton Dear Mr. Thorton, I’ll begin by addressing the concept of a second date. Your main concern is the fact that this wonderful man has HIV, however, where does it say anywhere that the second date requires you to sleep with him?

I’m not sure which manual you are using, but the edition I have tends to keep that sort of intimacy saved for a relationship where both partners are committed to each other. Now for most gay men I have met, that concept is foreign, but as for those who prescribe to this method, they tend to have fairy-tale relationships, and we all know those end, “happily ever after.”

Perhaps he had to muster his courage in asking you out for a second date, and in his defense, it’s extremely brave of him to tell you up front that he is HIV-positive. He obviously trusts you, shouldn’t you return the courtesy? Take time on this second date to share your concerns with him.

Looking back upon my own experiences, I would say that the lesson I learned the hardest is not allowing expectations to ruin the moment. Too many times in my own life I went into dates thinking, “This could be my Mr. Right,” and all too often the guy felt pressured and ran away. Although I have regrets, in time I learned to be patient and just enjoy it all as happened and evolved with time. You need to relax and just enjoy it.

Thinking ahead, if things go well, then by all means consult with your healthcare

provider as to best practices for safe sex and options open to couples with a partner having HIV” think of this as putting your insurance premiums to good use! However, if you are worried about what others will think about you dating a man with HIV, then I am afraid you

q scopes ARIES March 20–April 19 Your ability to get straight to the point will serve you well at work this month.

Your supervisors want to solve a problem, not beat around the bush.

You’ll be in control when it comes to romance. Express your true feelings for a close friend and he or she will reciprocate. Leo is involved.

TAURUS April 20–May 20 Your stubborn nature will work to your advantage at work in the middle of the month. While others look for a quick fix, you’ll hold out until a long-term solution is found, getting you recognized by the higher-ups. A close friend will need your help this month. Be supportive and help out.

GEMINI May 21–June 20 Friends will look to you to lead the way this month.

They’ll ask you to plan an outing for the whole group. While you’re not used to the role of leader, take this opportunity to break the monotony.

Work will seem boring early in the month. Enjoy it while it lasts. It will be crazy by month’s end.

CANCER June 21–July 22 You certainly will earn the title of “The Crab” this month. Everything will seem to get on your nerves. Try to remain calm

may have doomed it all before it even began.

To quote Marilyn Monroe, “I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell

don’t deserve me at my best.”

It is not up to me to determine which is this man’s best and which is his worst, but you better believe that regardless of which it is — you better learn to love it all. Q

and don’t take out your frustrations on co-workers. Go out to lunch, instead of eating in the office.

Meeting some friends after work will help ease your tension.

be disappointed. Aquarius and Capricorn are involved.

LEO July 23–August 22 Get to the heart of family matters this month. Talk to loved ones and find out what’s wrong. Don’t let your pride get in the way of getting to the bottom of things. However, don’t let family affairs affect you at work. You’re being considered for a promotion.

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22 Be wary when a co-worker asks to borrow money, because you’ll need to make a large purchase before the end of the month. Is he or she reliable? A close friend will be there for you. Don’t be afraid to confide in them. He or she has your best interest at heart.

LIBRA Sept 23–October 22 Work will go by quickly this month, because you’ll be busy working on a new and interesting project. Enjoy it, but don’t forget to take some time for yourself. Let your enthusiasm for your job flow over into your personal life. Share your excitement with friends and loved ones.

SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21 Love plays an important role in your life this month. You meet someone whom you can’t get off of your mind. Instead of daydreaming about him or her, make a move. Ask him or her out and you’ll find that you won’t

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22– December 20.

Be brave at work in the middle of the month. You’ll think there’s a conspiracy against you because everything will go wrong.

Don’t get discouraged. You’re just going through a bad time. Your family life will make up for it. You’ll have a great time with loved ones.

CAPRICORN Dec. 21– Jan. 19 A close friend will be the bright spot in your life this month.

You’ll be happier than you have been in a long time and everything will seem to go right. It even will make work easier. You won’t get frustrated by workplace politics and the month will fly by.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18 You’ll have your freedom at work this month. Your superiors will give you free reign over an important project and it’s your time to shine. Take every opportunity! Your analytical mind will help you make the best decisions. Pisces is involved.

PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19 Your compassion will be called on by loved ones this month. Help them calm down and try to boost their spirits.

They’ve always been there for you.

A close friend will bring you good news at the end of the month. It will give you an optimistic outlook on life.

april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

SCENE | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 59

60 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | SEX

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

the dating diet

The Lollipop Kid

BY ANTHONY PAULL

“We need

to stop at the Sugar Shop,” I tell Greg. Meeting in Vegas for the weekend we’re ready for a night of dancing and debauchery when he reveals that he’s been having a hard time nailing his hotel roommate. The two have a hush-hush hookup history, but that was long ago. Their once sordid love affair has all but turned into a casual friendship with occasional flirting.

“Then why are you two sharing a bed?”

“Because I’m testing the waters,” Greg says, sauntering along the strip in cowboy boots. “I decided Vegas would be the perfect place to put myself out there, but he needs to make the first move so I can blame him when it all goes to shit.” We take the thousandth flight of stairs into the thousandth mall for the day but he doesn’t complain. He likes the way it tightens his butt. “I want the cock…his cock! Do I have to spell it out for him?”

“Some men need a prompt,” I advise, heading into the Sugar Shop, where I purchase a red lollipop in the shape of a gaming die. “Try this,” I say, handing it to him. “It’s a no-brainer. He’ll be tired from gambling when he comes home. He’ll be

drunk, horny…unguarded. And you’ll be on the bed casually licking an innocent lollipop. Taking it in ever so gently.”

He eyes me dully. “A little obvious, isn’t it?”

I push him to the outside, where colors and light sparkle in a fountain, reflecting on a billboard for the Bellagio Hotel. “Get over it. Sometimes obvious is all a gay boy has,” I tell him. “Besides, it can be a great tool, especially when defenses are down.

Now, let’s talk about positioning.”

“Positioning? This is too complicated,” he protests, as a woman in a dirt-stained Hello Kitty costume panhandles nearby, causing him to contemplate. “Do you think Hello Kitty has these problems?”

“Hello Kitty has a lot of problems, beginning with hygiene. My God. I can’t believe people let their kids near that thing.

The prostitutes in this city are cleaner.” I steer him to the other side of the sidewalk, beyond the men dressed like Superman and Iron Man. “Now, again, think positioning. You need to be ass up on the bed when he comes home. And make sure you’re wearing slinky undies.”

“Ok. Ass up. Slinky undies. Lollipop,” he agrees. “Got it.”

He’s primed, ready, and lubed for action ’til the next morning when I get a frantic phone call.

Things didn’t go according to plan.

He awoke with the ability to sit without pain. He didn’t get butt-punched and he isn’t happy.

He meets me at the casino. “I did everything you told me,” he says.

“Lollipop?”

“Yes.” “Sucking gently?”

I’m buying Agacio underwear from here on out!

junk of the month

“Yes.” “What about the slinky undies?”

“Boxer briefs.”

“Boxer briefs!!!???”

“Nothing else was clean.”

“Well no wonder he wouldn’t fuck you.

Nothing says ‘I’m going to bed’ like boxer briefs. You might as well have shit on the floor.”

Upset, he puts a quarter into a slot machine and pulls the handle. “So much for waking up in Vegas. That Katy Perry song made it sound so fun.”

Things only get worse later that night when Greg’s man begins flirting at the casino with some random guy. The incident leads to an argument, which Greg calls a heart-to-heart conversation. It’s more entertaining than the Celine Dion show ‘til the two begin rehashing all that went wrong the first time they fucked. Then it plays out like the Titanic. We’re all sinking. And I’m the bastard for taking the only life preserver, returning to my room.

“I can’t believe you left me,” Greg says, sunbathing at the pool the next day. “It’s your fault this started. We were up all night—“ He rolls his eyes. “Talking.”

I sigh. “I don’t get it. You must be the only person alive who can’t get laid in Vegas.”

“I know. It’s pathetic,” he admits, sipping a red cocktail. “But I tried everything.”

I roll over to allow the sun on my back, thinking how many times have I heard this, from how many friends? He never calls me. He doesn’t seem interested. He doesn’t give me enough attention. Why won’t he fuck me? At some point in every friendship there comes a time when someone starts drowning. It takes tough love to air the truth.

“Well, you know what they say in Vegas.

When you’re down on your luck….” I give him a wink, tossing him a pocket vibrator.

“Try another machine.” Q

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62 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD

gaysaltlake.com | issue 217 | april, 2013

the perils of petunia pap smear

The tale to save the veils

BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR

The road to my room is fraught with danger and excitement.

Race on the DVR. I stepped into the bathroom and was shocked when my stockingcovered feet landed in icy cold water. Upon in a basement apartment in an further investigation, I discovered copious aging house. It’s a dark, creaky, amount of water gushing up through the spider-infested, spooky place, which is a floor. The water level was rising rapidly most excellent location for an underpriviand I had to act quickly to prevent my leged trollop who can’t afford her own electrified breasticles from shorting bridge. Owing to the fact that the floor of out and electrocuting me. To add to the the entire apartment is covered with tile, urgency, all my ball gowns, which hang with nary a single square inch of carpet, all the way down to the ground, were in my queenly powers of deduction surmised great danger of sustaining water damage. that sometime in its very long history, Not since the Teton Dam Flood of 1976 this place had experienced some flooding has there been the potential for such masissues. Through the creative use of many sive property damage. To prevent myself area rugs and throw pillows, I have been from melting like the Wicked Witch of able to convert the sterile environment the West and to insulate my feet from the into a somewhat comfortable, if not terrishockingly cold water, I slipped into a pair bly congested, nest. Each nook and cranny of rhinestone-bedazzled opera-length hip has been stuffed to the breaking point with waders (every self-respecting queen worth just the barest essentials of my wardrobe her tiara should own a pair) and began necessities. A case in point, just my boobs flood-mitigation procedures. alone take up a whole wall of shelving by I investigated the sump pump, which themselves, leaving very little space for my is located in a very scary room under 13 beehive wigs and other provisions. the back porch of the house. I grabbed My suspicions of H20 invasion came a flashlight (by that, I mean one of the to fruition last week. Late one evening, I interchangeable nipple lights I use on my staggered home, barely able to move, girdle breasticles) and dashed out of the apartstuffed nearly to the bursting point from ment door. I tripped and fell as I ascended a gluttonous outing at a Chinese buffet. the concrete stairway, leaving a bloody My oldest sister Hyacinth Bucket would “road rash” wound on my arm. As I neared be ever so ashamed as I couldn’t help but the entrance, I could smell the acrid stench brush up against the walls on both sides of of decaying flesh. Something or someone the hallway at the same time. had died. My small boob light illuminated For the perfect ending to a good a horrific scene — 3-foot deep, pitch evening, I had just stripped down to my black water, filled with massive amounts delicates, and was getting all set to crash of floating garbage, was lapping at the onto the couch and hone up on the latest foundation. I was halfway expecting the fashion trends by watching RuPaul’s Drag cold dead hands of Shelly Winters, Cryptogram: I would love nothing more than for my friends PUZZLE SOLUTIONS reprising her deadly who love each other to get married.

Anagram: GAYLE RUZICKA swimming role in the “Poop-SideDown Adventure,” to rise up out of the water and drag me under the surface to my death at any moment. I quickly cast the small beam of boob light about the room and located

I live

the source of the deathly stench. A poor, deceased kitty cat lay decomposing in the corner.

Staring death in the face, I waded into the gruesome froth, searching for the sump pump. If there was going to be any chance at all to save my irreplaceable wardrobe, I needed to get that thing pumping, posthaste. I followed some scary looking wires, leading down from the ceiling into the dark abyss and found the inoperative device lying motionless at the bottom of the fetid pool. Reluctantly, I reached my hand down into the freezing, stinking, pond of death and felt for the sticking float valve. I gave it a tug and it came bobbing up to the surface just like a lonesome turd in a swimming pool, ala Caddyshack. My desperate, panicked spirits quickly rose as I heard the sound of the pump as it started to operate.

With the waters now beginning to recede, I rushed back into the apartment, and grabbed a mop to begin sopping up the river running through it. Upon the first twist to wring out the mop, it broke. I thought of using Tampax to soak up the offending liquid, but then I remembered that I don’t use them and thus, didn’t have any lying about. So I was reduced to putting on my well-used knee pads, getting on my knees (fortunately not an entirely unfamiliar position) and sopping up the water with a pair of surprisingly absorbent panties (about a half-gallon at a time), which I grabbed from the dirty clothes hamper and wringing them, about a thousand times, into buckets.

Disaster narrowly averted.

F.Y.I., no boobs were harmed in the execution of this story.

As always, these events leave us with several eternal questions: 1. Should I place three stone statues of billy goats at the entrance to my apartment?

2 Should I have opened a slip-n-slide concession in my apartment?

3. If I employed a hunky lifeguard to supervise, could I raise the admission fee?

4. Should I move to Weeki Wachee Springs, Florida and join the mermaid show?

5. Who knew that knee pads were multiuse and could also be used in non-recreational activities?

6. If I had been electrocuted by my boobs, how would that read in the obituary?

These and other important questions to be answered in future chapters of:

The Perils of Petunia Pap-Smear

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SEX | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 63

april, 2013 | issue 217 | gaysaltlake.com

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