QSaltLake | 224 | November 2013

salt lake magazine

UTAH’S GAY, LESBIAN, BISEXUAL, TRANSGENDER AND ALLY

November 2013 Issue 224 GaySaltLake.com FREE

TAKE YOUR RIGHT BRAIN OUT FOR A STROLL. 2

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SEE WHAT’S AROUND THE CORNER. 11

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1. Letters Home

Oct. 26

2. Imago ZooZoo

Nov. 3

3. Dawes

Nov. 30

4. All Wheel Sports

Dec. 7

5. Big Bad Voodoo Daddy

Dec. 28

6. Bernadette Peters NEW YEAR'S EVE

Dec. 31

7. Nellie McKay with Turtle Island Quartet

Jan. 4

8. Jon Batiste

Feb. 8

9. Celtic Nights

Feb. 15

10. Boz Scaggs

Feb. 22

11. Cedar Lake Contemporary Ballet

March 1

12. Puppet Up! Uncensored

March 9

13. Trey McIntyre Project

March 29

14. Garrison Keillor

April 3

15. Jessica Lang Dance

April 5

15

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6 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | STAFF

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

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Gay Salt Lake, Inc. 1055 East 2100 South, ste 206 Salt Lake City, Utah 84106 tel: 801-649-6663 toll-free: 1-800-806-7357 Contact emails: general: info@qsaltlake.com editorial: editor@qsaltlake.com sales: sales@qsaltlake.com

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15,000 copies of QSaltLake Magazine are distributed free of charge at over 300 locations across the Wasatch Front.

Free copies are limited to one per person. For additional copies, contact us at 801-649-6663. It is a crime to destroy or dispose of current issues or otherwise interfere with the distribution of this newsmagazine. Publication of the name or photograph of any individual or organization in articles or advertising in QSaltLake Magazine is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons.

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Please recycle this copy when you are through with it.

8 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Harvey Milk to be on U.S. Stamp The Harvey Milk Foundation announced on their Facebook page that the United States Postal Service will issue a stamp in honor of gay political icon Harvey Milk.

The announcement makes Milk, who made history as the first openly gay man to win political office in California when he was elected to San Francisco’s Board of Supervisors in 1977, the first openly gay official ever featured on U.S. postage.

“Harvey Milk’s legacy is alive and well,” said Chuck Wolfe, president and CEO of the Gay & Lesbian Victory Fund and Institute.

“His historic run paved the way for a new generation of LGBT leaders who can be open and honest about who they are, and it’s encouraging to see the U.S. Postal Service honoring his legacy of perseverance and pride today.” The stamp is expected to be introduced in 2014.

New Jersey the 14th state to perform same-sex marriages Gay an lesbian couples began marrying in the Garden State on October 21. In September, Mercer County Superior Court Judge Mary Jacobson ruled that “[s]ame-sex couples must be allowed to marry in order to obtain equal protection of the law under the New Jersey Constitution,” Giving the 21st as a deadline. Jacobson accepted the position of lawyers from gay rights groups that the state was blocking citizens from receiving federal benefits after Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act was ruled unconstitutional back in June.

Gov. Chris Christie tried to appeal the decision, but abandoned that strategy after the court refused to stay the date.

“Although the Governor strongly disagrees with the Court substituting its judgment for the constitutional process of the elected branches or a vote of the people, the Court has now spoken clearly as to their view of the New Jersey Constitution and, therefore, same-sex marriage is the law,” Christie said in a statement.

news

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

The top things you should know happened last month (Full stories at gaysaltlake.com.)

Dutch diplomat assaulted in Russia A senior Dutch diplomat at the Netherlands embassy in Moscow was assaulted in his home by two men, who, after attacking him, scrawled a heart and the letters LGBT in pink lipstick on a mirror.

Elderenbosch was not badly hurt from the attack and did not seek medical attention.

Dutch Foreign Minister Frans Timmermans confirmed the attack on his Facebook page and urged Russian authorities to take responsibility for the safety of Dutch citizens working there.

Judge orders February trial for marriage equality in Michigan Dashing hopes for a more immediate resolution, a federal judge has ordered a trial to determine the constitutionality of Michigan’s ban on marriage equality. In scheduling the trial for February, U.S. District Judge Bernard Friedman put off making a decision about the law, to the surprise of many activists who had expected one today.

“I’m in the middle. I have to decide this as a matter of law. I intend to do so,” Friedman said. He added that the plaintiffs in the case, April DeBoer and Jayne Rowse, are ”entitled to their day in court and they shall have it.”

New Mexico Supreme Court looking at gay marriage case The five-member New Mexico State Supreme Court was scheduled to hear oral arguments Oct. 23 in a case that could resolve an issue that’s historically stalled in the Democratic-controlled legislature. New Mexico law doesn’t explicitly authorize or prohibit gay marriage, but lawmakers have refused to ban it or allow for domestic partnerships.

The court agreed to take the case after New Mexico’s county clerks asked the justices to clarify the law and decide whether a decision

by a state district judge in Albuquerque was correct. That judge ruled in a lawsuit against two counties that it was unconstitutional to deny marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

Currently, eight counties are issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. The Supreme Court’s decision would apply statewide.

Ohio man who challenged gay marriage ban dies John Arthur, who with his longtime partner helped lead a legal challenge to Ohio’s ban on gay marriage, died early Oct. 22 at the age of 48. The couple took a medical flight to Baltimore/Washington International Thurgood Marshall Airport and were married on the tarmac shortly after the U.S. Supreme Court declared most of DOMA unconstitutional. Arthur was terminally ill with Lou Gehrig’s Disease and sued the state for the right for he and his partner to be buried in his family’s burial plot.

Idaho Rep. questions legality of tax rules in that state An Idaho state lawmaker says that the state’s tax collectors risk violating the U.S. Constitution by requiring same-sex couples who are legally married elsewhere to do extra work when filing their state income taxes.

Rep. John Gannon, D-Boise, a lawyer, says litigation in Ohio suggests Idaho’s new rules requiring married gay couples to recalculate state taxes as singles after filing joint federal returns could be vulnerable, based on equal protection guarantees in the 14th Amendment.

An Ohio federal judge ordered the state to recognize a gay couple’s legal marriage in New York, despite Ohio’s constitutional ban, saying the state has historically recognized other kinds of marriages between a man and woman completed elsewhere but otherwise illegal in Ohio.

The Utah Tax Commission announced a similar ruling in October.

Even Republicans support workplace fairness laws Among voters nationwide, 68 percent support the protections offered by the Employment Nondiscrimination Act, which outlaws antigay bias in the workplace. Among Republican respondents, 56% backed ENDA. CNN found a majority in every state favor a federal law protecting gay and transgender employees and that 80 percent of voters believe that “people shouldn’t be fired from their jobs solely because of their sexual orientation or gender identity.”

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 9

november, 2013 | issue 224 | gaysaltlake.com

U. Miss. football players, students yell slurs at ‘Laramie’ production The University of Mississippi is investigating a report that a handful of Ole Miss football players disrupted a university theater production of The Laramie Project by harassing actors with “borderline hate speech” on campus Oct. 1.

The play is based on the 1998 murder of gay University of Wyoming student Matthew Shepard.

A handful of coach Hugh Freeze’s football players face potential punishment for using hateful speech while disrupting a campus play.

The Daily Mississippian reported that approximately 20 Ole Miss football players were among the disruptive audience.

Play director and faculty member Rory Ledbetter told the student newspaper that members of the audience were using homosexual slurs and insulted the body types and sexual orientation of cast members.

“The football players were certainly not the only audience members that were being offensive last night,” Ledbetter said, “but they were definitely the ones who seemed

to initiate others in the audience to say things too. It seemed like they didn’t know that they were representing the university when they were doing these things.”

Ole Miss Dean of Students Thomas J. “Sparky” Reardon said the university has its Bias Incident Response Team meeting “to delve into what happened and to look if there are any possible charges there.”

“They’ll make any recommendations there to us, to me, at the university, and we’ll move from there,” Reardon said. “I’ve been in touch with the theater department and the athletic department, and we’re waiting on their report.”

Chancellor Dan Jones and athletic director Ross Bjork issued a joint statement.

“As a member of the Ole Miss family, each of us has a responsibility to be accountable for our actions, and these individuals will be held accountable,” the statement read. “Our investigation will determine the degree to which any and all students were involved. ... On behalf of our 22,000 students, our faculty, and our staff,

we apologize.”

Reardon said he had spoken to someone in the athletic department but not head football coach Hugh Freeze, who tweeted: “We certainly do not condone any actions that offend or hurt people in any way. We are working with all departments involved to find the facts” Cole said the university plans to meet with coaches in the immediate future to discuss the situation and possible punishments.

Ole Miss theater department chairwoman Rene Pulliam told the paper that the football players were asked to apologize by the athletic department as well.

“Many of the athletes did apologize afterward,” Cole said. “As some of the athletics officials got involved, they made them apologize again.

“Some of the language that was used at this particular play was quite biased and quite offensive and very difficult to understand.

“We’re going to have to let them know the seriousness of what they’ve done, and I think that if they were to realize this, then I think future apologies will be a lot more sincere.” Q

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10 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

Ruling: Utah same-sex couples may not file joint state income tax returns While the Internal Revenue Service recently ruled same-sex couples may file a joint federal income tax return, in Utah same-sex couples must file a Utah income tax return with a filing status of single or head of household, the Utah State Tax Commission announced Oct. 10.

“A taxpayer impacted by this IRS ruling must provide the same federal income tax information on the Utah return that the taxpayer would have provided prior to the IRS ruling,” said Charlie Roberts, Tax Commission spokesperson. “For the purposes of calculating their Utah income tax liability, these individuals must re-compute their federal income tax liability as single or head of household. The information on this re-computed federal income tax return will be used only to prepare the Utah income tax return.”

The Utah Tax Commission’s notice to taxpayers reads: The official revenue ruling (Revenue Ruling 2013-17), issued by the Internal Revenue Service, provides that same-sex couples may file a joint federal income tax return. Since Utah does not recognize same-sex marriages, same-sex couples may not file a joint state income tax return in Utah. Accordingly, a taxpayer who files

a federal income tax return with a filing status of married filing jointly or married filing separately pursuant to Revenue Ruling 2013-17 must file a Utah income tax return with a filing status of single or head of household, as applicable.

A taxpayer impacted by this rule must provide the same federal income tax information on the Utah return that the taxpayer would have provided prior to the issuance of Revenue Ruling 2013-17. This means, for purposes of calculating their Utah income tax liability, these individuals must re-

compute their federal income tax liability as single or head of household.

Additional information for impacted couples on how to file for state income taxes is posted on

SLTrib tells Utah gay couples to ignore Tax Comm., file jointly The editorial board of the Salt Lake Tribune is calling for Utah’s legally married samesex couples to “ignore the tax commission” ruling that says they cannot file their state taxes jointly.

“That’s right. We’re recommending you not follow this rule, even though it’s generally considered a crime to purposely violate state tax law,” the editorial states. “In this case, there is a wealth of law on your side, and this rule is a last gasp from a frustrated group who fought and lost the battle to keep you from marrying.”

After the U.S. Supreme Court declared a large section of the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional, the Internal Revenue Service ruled that legally married samesex couples could file their federal income taxes jointly.

Five weeks later, the Utah Tax Commission released a rule that these couples in

Utah must complete a false IRS form for the purposes of filing their state taxes. Gay advocates called the ruling unfair and an additional burden on same-sex couples.

“The tax commission’s rule is a product of legal advice given by the Utah Attorney General’s office, which is headed by John Swallow. Yes, that’s the same John Swallow who has demonstrated extremely poor judgment in interacting with suspected and convicted criminals,” the editorial continues. “John Swallow doesn’t think he has done anything wrong, but he thinks you have.”

The editorial board says that it is highly unlikely that the Utah Tax Commission would catch a same-sex couple filing jointly, given that thousands of couples file each year.

Commission Chairman Bruce Johnson, who announced the ruling, said that

the Tax Commission website at incometax.utah.gov/filing/ filing-status. Q

enforcement of the Utah tax policy would be difficult, if not impossible.

“I don’t know that we’d have any mechanism to catch that,” he told the Tribune. “At this point, we have no intention to put anything on the return to flag that.”

Johnson also said that the ruling was made without going to the full commission for a vote. He acknowledged that a vote would have been a good idea, though not legally necessary.

“It would be entirely appropriate if somebody wanted to ask us to address this in an open meeting,” he said.

The Tribune board wrote that same-sex marriage will be the rule of the land sometime soon, as even Justice Anton Scalia said the “writing is on the wall.”

“Instead of trying to figure out which one of you should take the mortgage deduction, just file jointly. This is America, not some backward nation that will kill your hard-fought rights,” the editorial ended. Q

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 11

november, 2013 | issue 224 | gaysaltlake.com

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gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

Dad walking country in memory of bullied gay son killed by semi Joe Bell, who is walking across the country in memory of his bullied gay son who committed suicide earlier this year, was killed by a semi truck in eastern Colorado Wednesday. Bell’s family confirmed to Joe’s Walk for Change Vice President Ann Clark that it was Joe Bell who was killed.

Colorado State Patrol says Bell was walking eastbound on the shoulder of Highway 40, 20 miles northwest of Kit Carson, when he was hit by the semi at about 5:10 p.m.

Bell was pronounced dead at the scene.

The semi driver, 49-year-old Kenneth Raven of Bryan, Texas trucking company Farold Inc., was uninjured. Troopers say Raven may have fallen asleep at the wheel and was cited with careless driving resulting in death.

The 48-year-old Le Grande, Oregon man set off on foot for “Joe’s Walk for Change” across the United States after losing his son, Jadin, to suicide.

Oregon in April, on a cross-country trip that would have ended in New York City, where his son had hoped to go to school.

“If I can help stop just one child from killing themselves or change one bully into someone who opposes bullying, that’d be great,” Bell told the Ontario Argus Observer during his first stop. “For myself, I want to find peace for what happened to my son. Peace is what I need.”

He reached Ogden on July 9 and met with about 30 people from Ogden OUTReach Resource Center at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Ogden. There, he

and the others shared a potluck dinner and stories of bullying.

Bell made it to Salt Lake City and spoke at the Public Library on June 15. He spoke in Boulder and Denver, Colo. in late August and left Denver on Sept. 30 and was heading towards Wichitaw, Kansas when he was killed. The last GPS marker on his web site shows him on Hwy. 40 at 5:32 p.m.

His final post to his Facebook page was a photo of a road sign showing 20 miles to Kit Carson, Colo.

“Making headway, one step at a time,” were possibly his last words. Q

Equality Utah announces slate of endorsed candidates Jadin Bell was a 15-year-old sophomore when he hung himself. He survived for 15 days but died Feb. 3, 2013, approximately five days after being removed from life support. Jadin Bell was a gay teen who came out when he was a freshman, but a year of bullying proved too much, Bell, said.

“After this terrible loss Joe figured he had two choices, lay down and give up or stand up and walk. Follow Joe on his journey across the United States as he changes the way people communicate, ends the stigma of suicide and fights for equal rights for everyone,” his web site site reads.

Bell left his home town in eastern

Utah’s political action committee representing gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and ally community, Equality Utah, announced their endoresements for the 2013 election year. Elections in off years are generally for municipal races and, potentially, issues and ordinances.

Candidates in cities and counties across the state were given surveys about their positions on issues important to the LGBT community. From the surveys, the PAC interviews the top respondees and forwards recommendations to the Equality Utah board of directors.

Financial contributions, which come from member donations and the annual Allies Dinner, are also determined by the board.

This year, these endorsements are:

MAYORAL CANDIDATES Cherie Wood, South Salt Lake Dave Sakrison, Moab Jerry Rechtenbach, Taylorsville JoAnn Seghini, Midvale Nick Castleton, Eureka

CITY COUNCIL CANDIDATES Boyd Marshall, South Salt Lake Brigham Mellor, Farmington City Diane Turner, Murray City Erin Mendenhal, Salt Lake City Lars Norfelt, West Valley City Lisa Ramsey Adams, Salt Lake City Marcia White, Ogden City Sharla Beverly, South Salt Lake Stan Penfold, Salt Lake City Sterling Beck, Provo City Turner C. Bitton, Ogden City Elections will be held Tuesday, Nov. 5 or by mail and some county clerk offices beforehand. equalityutah.org.

november, 2013 | issue 224 | gaysaltlake.com

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 13

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14 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

Q mmunity get your tickets a few weeks in advance. Seating is limited and is general admission, so you might want to be there an hour before the showing to avoid sitting apart from your loved ones. Dress up in Halloween costumes or a character from Rocky. Have fun, come out and enjoy the craziest night of Rocky Horror Picture Show.

WHEN: Oct. 31, 8 p.m. and midnight WHERE: Tower Theatre, 9th South and 9th East INFO: TowerTheatre.org

Equality in Business Fall Expo The Holladay Chamber of Commerce and the Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce are joining forces to host the Equality in Business Fall Expo. Keynote speaker is Brandie Balken, executive director of Equality Utah. Get to know your local businesses.

WHEN: Saturday, Nov. 2, 10 a.m. to 3 p.m.

WHERE: Holladay City Hall, 4580 S. 2300 East.

INFO: HolladayChamberOfCommerce.org or UtahGayChamber.org.

Poinsettia sale benefits PWACU

Annual Halloween screening of ‘Rocky Horror Picture Show’ Tickets go on sale in October at Tower Theatre. Make sure to

For the ninth consecutive year, the People with AIDS Coalition of Utah is holding it annual Poinsettia fundraiser.

These beautiful Red Poinsettias are in 6-inch pots, with five

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or more blooms per plant. They are 15–19” tall and 15” wide, and are locally grown to ensure freshness.

Poinsettias are to be preordered by Nov. 15, at $10 per plant or $75 for eight plants.

INFO: Call 801-484-2205 to order or go to pwacu.org

Italian Halloween Masquerade The Utah Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce is hosting an authentic, Italian Halloween Masquerade. Wear a costume and use a hand-held mask that matches. Prizes given for most original, best mask, most Italian and most artistic costume.

WHEN: Sunday, Oct. 27th, 6:30 to 10 p.m.

WHERE: Cucina Vanina Ristorante, 1844 E. Fort Union

Blvd.

TICKETS: $20 at UtahGayChamber.org, $25 at the door.

Trick or Treat at Our Store Trick or treat at Our Store to help them celebrate our 5th anniversary. Refreshments, candy and halloween music. 25% off everything over $2 (some exceptions apply). Also, if you haven’t found that wonderful costume you’ve been looking for, we have costumes for sale, check them out. All proceeds benefit the People With AIDS Coalition of Utah.

WHEN: Thursday, Oct. 31, 11 a.m.–8 p.m.

WHERE: Our Store — Your Thrift Alternative, 358 S. 300 E. INFO: PWACU.org

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NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 15

BYU Students speak candidly about suicide Understanding Same-Gender Attraction, a BYU group for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender students, has released “Just Be There,” a 6-minute video featuring LGBT BYU students who describe candidly their experiences dealing with depression and their attempts to take their own lives.

The students describe some of the negative messages that made them feel lonely, sinful, and hopeless. For instance, one student says he heard the message that homosexuality “was a mortal experience [that] didn’t exist in the Spirit World, and we would be immediately freed from its bonds when we died.”

“In a weird way, that did the opposite of comfort[ing] me,” the student explains. “In my mind the option was, ‘Well,

if things really get that bad, if you just die, then suddenly it’s not an issue any more, and you’ll be right with God again.’”

Another student says he found comfort in reading the scriptures and realizing that “whatever I was going through, Christ had gone through, too.”

“If you’re trying to reach out to somebody, the most important thing you can do is just be there for them,” a student explains.

USGA at BYU meets each Thursday, with weekly attendance growing to 70 to 80 students, professors and church leaders. The individual interviews used in this video will be made available at ­youtube. com/user/byuitgetsbetter. Q

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16 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

US Olympic Committee meets in Park City, announces support for adding sexual orientation nondiscrimination to Olympic charter Meeting in Park City, Utah, U.S. Olympic Committee chairman Larry Probst said he would vote to amend the Olympic charter to list sexual orientation as a form of discrimination.

In the International Olympic Organization’s “Fundamental Principles of Olympism,” it states “any form of discrimination … on grounds of race, religion, politics, gender or otherwise is incompatible with belonging to the Olympic Movement.” It does not specifically mention sexual orientation, but Probst and USOC CEO Scott Blackmun both believe it should.

Probst said such an amendment could send a message to Russia, which recently passed an anti-gay law, less than a year before it hosts the Winter Olympics.

Probst said that an American boycott of the Sochi Olympics

is not an option.

“First and foremost, we’re a sports organization,” Blackmun said. “The only organization in the world whose job it is to make sure American athletes are able to compete in the Olympic Games. We’re not an advocacy organization or a human-rights organization.

We’re part of the worldwide Olympic movement, though.

What we can do is advocate for change within our movement.

“We want to lead by example and advocate internally to make sure we, as a family, are sending the message that we don’t tolerate discrimination.”

Skier Bode Miller railed on Russia’s law.

“I think it’s absolutely embarrassing that there are countries and people who are that intolerant and that ignorant,” he said. “But it’s not the first time. We’ve been dealing with human-rights issues probably

Community forum in Clearfield: Homeless LGBT youth and life on the streets Hear from two women who know more about youth homelessness in Utah than anyone, and how youth live their lives and survive – on the streets, in camps, on couches and abandoned buildings. Learn what this “forgotten nation” is like, and how we can work together to prevent LGBT youth homelessness.

Cai Noble, Founding Director of Operation Shine America and Rachel Peterson, Utah State University homeless youth epidemiologist and author of Streets to Scholars the only educational program for homeless and at risk youth, will share their extensive knowledge of current statistics of Utah homeless youth, and

their personal knowledge of what that life is really like.

“We know there are thousands of youth who experience homelessness in Utah each year, although we don’t have an exact number,” said Peterson.

“This population is extremely difficult to enumerate for many reasons, but we do know some things about homeless youth in Utah.” She provided some staggering statistics: • 30% of youth have been homeless for over one year • About 1/3 of youth using services identify as LGBTQ, but this percentage is probably closer to half among all homeless youth (because LGBTQ youth often report feeling unsafe at homeless service

USOC

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

Olympic skier Bode Miller called Russia’s anti-gay laws embarassing and intolerant

since there were humans.”

Skater Ashley Wagner was also against Russia’s “antipropoganda” law.

“I firmly believe that your preferences don’t make you any less of a being. It’s not what defines you,” said Wagner, who has gay friends and family members. “It’s incon-

venient to talk about, but it’s something I feel so strongly about.”

IOC officials have said they don’t have the authority to intervene in Russia’s lawmaking and are convinced there will be no discrimination against athletes or spectators at the games. Q

providers).

• 42% of homeless youth have been in foster care.

Through interviews Cai did with several of these youth, we know that they often experience harassment and abuse in the foster care system for their sexual orientation or gender expression, and some youth choose homelessness over these environments.

• 56% of youth experienced abuse before becoming homeless • And 37% experienced abuse after becoming homeless • Many youth have engaged in survival sex, trading their bodies for food, shelter or other basic necessities.

The risk of exploitation for youth on the streets is extremely high.

less youth have attempted suicide. Two of every five homeless youth in Utah have tried to take their own life.

And many more do take their lives,” Peterson continued.

“They are not here to tell their stories. And they are a testament to the fact that we need to make some changes.

Big changes. Not telling these youth that someday things will improve, but working to make their lives better now.”

The free event, hosted by Ogden OUTreach, is open to anyone interested.

“Nearly 40 percent of home-

Tuesday, Oct. 29, 7:30 – 8:30 pm Clearfield Library 562 S 1000 E, Clearfield, UT 84015 For more information, visit the Ogden OUTreach Facebook page at facebook. com/OgdenOUTreach.

november, 2013 | issue 224 | gaysaltlake.com

SAGE Utah is seeking your story SAGE Utah, a program of the Utah Pride Center, has been selected to participate as one of three major SAGE affiliates in SAGE STORY — a national digital storytelling program for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender older adults. The purpose of the program is to strengthen the storytelling skills, draw on the unique life experiences of LGBT elders, and to diversify the public narrative on aging, long-term care and LGBT rights.

Stories can be centered around such themes as: coming out, learning/living/loving, self-acceptance, authenticity, veteran issues, PTSD, advocacy, multiculturalism, activism, history, movements, aging, relationships, loss, isolation, survival, grief, caregiving, dignity, finding your voice & purpose, disease, traveling, coming home, chosen family, commitment, marriage equality, roads/journeys/experiences, crossroads, faith, entrances & exits, parenting, and more.

“Social isolation affects many LGBT older people around the country in unique

and disproportionate ways,” writes Charles Lynn Frost.

“LGBT elders are more likely to live alone and with thinner support networks.”

“Increasingly, social change advocates and communitybased organizations are employing digital stories to humanize and historicize complex social issues, and to build awareness and support for issue-based campaigns,” he continued.

SAGE Utah and the Salt Lake Community College Community Writing Center will be conducting SAGE Utah’s four classes on these dates. All classes are held at the Creative Writing Center at the Salt Lake City Library Center, 210 E. 400 South. (Free parking can be found across the street at the Utah Pride Center): Classes began Oct. 22, but people can still participate in the remaining classes from 6–8 p.m.: Tuesday Nov. 12, 2013 Tuesday Nov. 19, 2013 Tuesday Dec. 3, 2013 For more information, contact Charles Frost at charles@utahpridecenter.org or 801-913-8884.

OUR PETS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 17

18 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

views

“

You can’t be the young anybody else. That’s why Gaga is Gaga and Madonna is Madonna.

All these people are themselves. You can’t be the young anybody…

There is no young me. If you get to be that, if you get to a certain level, you have to be the young you … Until I’m dead. Maybe when I’m dead, someone will go, ‘Oh that’s the young Cher.’”

“

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

celeb quotes from october

—Cher

You are compromising and sacrificing the dignity of our gay brothers and sisters by vetoing marriage equality because you know that would kill you in a Republican primary…It’s a human right … My daughter, who is openly gay, is not a political agenda.”

– Sen. Barbara Buono, running against Chris Christie for New Jersey governor

“

“

It is absolutely embarrassing that there are countries and people who are that intolerant, that ignorant. But it’s not the first time we’ve been dealing with human rights issues since there were humans….

– Five-time Olympic medalist Bode Miller, who will be bidding for a place on his fifth U.S. Olympic skiing team for the Winter Games in Sochi on Russia’s anti-gay laws and the IOC’s response to them

I felt like I was breaking new ground. Most actors grow up doing a lot of small movies and then get something big, but I started on the biggest film in the world. So it’s an experience that I haven’t had. I’m sure some people will be slightly… err… startled by the gay sex scene though.

It’s actually not graphic.

You don’t actually see anything. What’s graphic is the emotion of the scene. It’s a very vulnerable, slightly afraid moment. It’s beautiful and tender as a consequence of that.”

– Daniel Radcliffe gushing about his oft-discussed gay sex scene from the Allen Ginsberg biopic, Kill Your Darlings, to Total Film, via Radio Times.

QSaltLake Magazine welcomes your letters to the editor.

Please send your letter of 300 words or less to letters@ gaysaltlake.com.

We reserve the right to edit for length or libel if a letter is chosen for publication.

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 19

november, 2013 | issue 224 | gaysaltlake.com

guest editorial

Barbed reaction to ‘Laramie’ performance an artistic goal?

BY PAUL KIERNAN

Tuesday,

Oct. 1, roughly 20 University of Mississippi football players roused ignorance and cruelty during the school’s stage adaptation of The Laramie Project, heckling, defaming and throwing out gay slurs. I was torn about the reaction, but don’t get me wrong, it was disgraceful and they should be educated about what they did.

But, it was a reaction, a verbal, gut reaction to the performance being presented.

Sometimes we forget about that.

I have been very lucky having worked with incredibly talented actors in nontraditional places. I have done renaissance faires and street theater at Disney, and in those cases if there was no reaction, no interaction, it was clear the material was not working.

Sometimes, when I am working in a traditional theater setting or on a film, I long for those immediate reactions from an audience, more than just laughter or applause when it is appropriate. When I was doing Jeff Metcalf’s one-man show about prostate cancer, there were some nights when the audience would verbally react to me. Men would say things about procedures they had undergone that I was describing on stage. Live theater is, and should be, open to that.

The Laramie Project is a very rough, challenging piece of theater. I have never done it, but I have seen it, and it makes me squirm and shudder and feel many things. There are so many emotional levels running through that piece. If I were homophobic, I am sure it would move me on a different level. I would wonder about the emotions I was feeling. I would not know how to deal with them. And, if I were not a person who had attended theater often, did not know the etiquette, I too may have shouted out to fend off the demons creeping into me. I would have been moved, disturbed, had a real reaction to what I

was seeing. I may have reacted in a way that was not expected by the actors. But, I would have reacted, as did those students.

I believe the actors in this show should be hugged. But not out of pity. They should be hugged because they caused people to actually feel something. It appears that feeling was most likely fear. Let’s hug them because they were brave enough to undertake this show at that school. Not only did the actors cause a homophobic reaction, they also opened the door for U.M. to possibly address the root cause of the reactions. Maybe those students who shouted and reacted in this manner will learn something about Matthew Shepard and his tragic death that will open their eyes to that thoughtless, cruel hate crime.

In theater we all want good reviews and polite audiences, but actors should never forget that their core job is to hold a mirror up to society. If you are a racist, a bigot, a homophobe, and the mirror that is being held up to you is so real, so true and cuts so close to the bone that you react, then the actors have done the job that Thespis set out to do many years ago.

I had the chance to work with a gifted director named Matt Arbour, who said, “Don’t worry about your laughs, because they aren’t your laughs, they are the audience’s laughs.”

I believe the same applies here. The reaction is the audience’s. Some nights, it is not going to be what we think is right or acceptable, but we run that risk when we are on stage telling a story. If we tell it right, tell it truthfully, tell it with skill and risk it all, the audience will be invested and moved, and hopefully react. They will forget it is a play. They will forget where they are. In this instance, some of the audience allowed their reactions to spill out, if inappropriately.

In theater we have to embrace, and further the understanding, of all human

nature. We are not better than other people, and we need to create them and portray them without judgement.

Publius Terentius Afer said, “I am human; nothing human is alien to me.”

Actors, must know this, feel this, embrace this as much as we can. The human animal is not always good and it is not always right. But, it is always human.

The people brutally murdered Matthew Shepard were not right, and this play shows that clearly and beautifully. But, what if those people who believe the Bible says homosexuals are wrong and they need to be changed, saved or destroyed? They truly believe this. It is human. How do you think those people feel when they see this story played out in front of them? When they see their beliefs being questioned and struck very hard with a hammer of truth?

It may not be right, but their feelings are real.

We can change their thinking, show them they are not right to hate someone because of sexual orientation, yet no one learns by being shouted at and ridiculed.

So what happened in this performance can be turned and used for good. We can answer their negative words with quiet, clear, reasonable truths and hopefully, they will hear it, learn it, understand it and change.

Humans can adapt and change.

I applaud the students at U.M. for doing this show. And they did not stop, they continued on. I know they will remember this performance; it will be a badge that they wear. This performance will have a lasting affect. Hopefully, that lasting affect will hold true the students who vented their fears.

Actors, this is what it means to risk. This is what it means to affect an audience. This is what plays like The Laramie Project are all about. Bravo U.M. theater. Thanks for having the guts and reminding us of why we do this. Q

20 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

the straight line

God hates fags

BY BOB HENLINE

“God hates fags.”

“All nations should follow God in requiring the death penalty for sodomy.”

“I could not find the term ‘homosexuality,’ but I did find numerous places where the Lord condemned such a practice with such vigor that even the death penalty was assessed.”

Civility (n): courtesy; politeness Today’s social and political climate, especially in Utah, is seemingly obsessed with civility in public discourse. Most people wouldn’t hesitate to condemn the above first statement, but fewer are willing to condemn the second, and even fewer, the third.

Why is this? Is it somehow nicer to state that someone’s god would require homosexuals be put to death by using nice language rather than to say their god hates homosexuals by using a derogatory slur?

The first statement’s source is pretty easy to identify. It’s from the Westboro Baptist Church website, as is the second comment. The third, however, comes from a much closer-to-home source: Former LDS President Spencer Kimball.

Can someone — anyone — please

explain why it’s acceptable to suggest that people be put to death for the “crime” of loving someone of the same gender when it’s bestowed and in the name of an imaginary sky-fairy?

I have, on numerous occasions, experienced repercussions for using the term “bigot,” in reference to LDS leaders such as Dallin Oaks and Boyd Packer, though their words and actions over the past several decades have provided ample evidence to their bigotry. Apparently naming these people as bigots, even when they act as such, is considered uncivil in our society.

Well, here’s how I see it. To hell with false civility. Free speech is more important than someone else being comfortable by my choice of words. If we’re ever going to make real progress, we have to willingly drag uncomfortable conversations into the open, however they may come.

If we’re going to change minds, it’s not going to come from pandering and playing nice. The next steps will build from increasing pressure on those who would oppress.

They will build from calling out injustice and fighting against it. They will come from boldly standing on the right side of history, bending that moral arc toward justice, not waiting for it to bend on its own.

The atmosphere of enforced false civility only serves to dampen the debate. It mitigates the raw emotional power of the oppressed and pushes it onto the logic of a policy discussion. Equality isn’t a policy discussion; it isn’t a negotiation. Civil rights aren’t something that can or will be granted to people by an oppressor, they are something to which we are all equally entitled and what we must fight to protect.

There is nothing civil about the argument that someone’s god wants LGBT people put to death. There is even less civility in the argument that a religious person or organization should be allowed to discriminate That’s the against someone way I see it. because “their god To hell with told them to.” It’s still bigotry and false civility oppression, even if it’s wrapped in religion and bedded in flowery prose.

The time is ripe to push this debate into the light of day, to shake the comfort levels of those who would sit by and tacitly allow their government and their religious institutions to oppress. Howard Zinn stated: “On the other side are formidable forces: money, political power, the major media. On our side are the people of the world and a power greater than money or weapons: the truth.”

It’s time to stop watering down that truth in the name of civility and to fight for what we all deserve: Equality. Q

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november, 2013 | issue 224 | gaysaltlake.com

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 21

thinking out loud

Selective Social Justice I’VE STOPPED ASSUMING THAT THE LEFT IS COMMITTED TO LGBT RIGHTS

BY ABBY DEES

Last week

I staffed a booth at a local fair for IMRU, the LGBT radio show I co-host.

We were collecting and recording stories -- any stories that people might want to share about their lives or points of view.

Our only requirements were that the stories have something to do with LGBT issues and that they not be so long as to constitute bogarting the microphone.

This was good fun, especially when I got to cajole people into the idea that they too have a story to share with the world. They’d get giddy and nervous, but as soon as the record light went on, they were off like greyhounds. Everyone has something to talk about, if given enough encouragement.

And there were the people who were bothered by the very existence of our show. Ironically, these people needed no cajoling at all to talk to us. They just needed to read our sign, “The nations’ longest running LGBT radio show!” One guy, dressed in coordinated velour leisure attire asked if we were communists.

Thinking he was just messing around, my colleague replied with a hearty, “Yes!” He then launched into a spiel about how we wanted to throw away his tax dollars. OK, his wasn’t such an off the wall question, since we broadcast out of one of the oldest public radio stations around. If you shook our building hard enough, some old leftover reds would probably fall out from the cracks. But as far as I know, none of us on our little gay show is or has ever been a communist. We would have been happy to record his story too if it had any sort of LGBT theme, but he hurrumphed away before we could ask.

There are always a few versions of this sort of thing when we go out to meet the public at large. Since before the beginning of the gay movement, people have had a propensity to associate homosexuality with communism. We are, sadly, used to it.

I haven’t yet gotten used to what happened next, however. A woman challenged us from the left: “Why does your show have to be gay? Isn’t poverty more

important?” Which begged the question, Is there only room in the world for one radio show? We explained the usual facts: that LGBT people are at high risk for poverty, that we have particular concerns that other shows rarely address, and that there’s nothing wrong with dedicating an hour a week of interminable pledge-drivefunded radio to a marginalized population anyway. Hell, no one seems to mind the entire oeuvre of Judd Apatow movies, which, as far as I can tell, are created primarily for and about 18-to-30-year old white guys getting hit in the crotch by something. If it meets their needs...

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard a lefty suggest that LGBT activists are taking resources away from “more important issues,” but this time it lingered with me for days.

I could invoke Dr. King’s adage, “injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere,” but it’s not enough, even if it’s true. There’s still a peculiar resistance to actively supporting LGBT equality that has nothing much to do with where one resides on the left/right continuum. I could go on about the high suicide rate among LGBT teens, or the persecution of gays in Uganda, or the fact that millions of LGBT Americans have no family or workplace protections at all, and it won’t trump the notion that we are all rich white men living in WeHo or Chelsea, and thus not truly subject to injustice somehow.

So why does our community keep giving the left a pass on our issues? In my many years as a progressive, I’ve never seen consistent commitment to LGBT equality that squares with the left’s stated ideals of social justice. Meanwhile, more and more on the right are standing up for our rights as a matter of individual freedom, contrary to stereotype.

I’m done with making assumptions about who is in my corner based on a check box on a voter registration car. I’d rather just ask. Q Abby is a civil rights attorney-turned-author who has been in the LGBT rights trenches for 25-plus years. She can be reached through her website: queerquestionsstraighttalk.com

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Star Parker

BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI

The Values

Voter Summit that took place Oct. 11-13 was an all-you-can-derp buffet of right-wing lunacy. Needless to say, many VVS speakers chose “the homosexual menace” as one of the focal points of their mouth breathing.

One such speaker was Star Parker, founder of the Center for Urban Renewal and Education, who railed against homosexuality in addition to blaming the government for making black people poor. I do believe she used the term “slaves” in relation to government “dependency.” You see, Parker is black and she was on welfare for seven years at some point and then she went to college and now welfare is evil and no one should have it. The end.

There were many things about her speech that belied a connection with reality, beginning before she even opened her mouth. She walked to the podium to “What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger)” by Kelly Clarkson. Which made me wonder if speakers were allowed to choose their own intro music and if Parks thought that Clarkson was singing about breaking free from government shackles.

Then again, Clarkson did once Tweet her love for Ron Paul, so who knows?

Parker spent most of her speech calling progressives liars. “[Progressives] say that if you Christians would just get with the program. Rap a little, smoke a little pot, take off your clothes in front of total strangers a little, give up your guns, give up your God and your disapproval of gays and of course if you would just put some really liberal Republican candidates up for statewide and national seats then maybe, just maybe the national comedians will stop mocking you and the national news will just ignore you instead of try to destroy you,” she says. “Oh the lies of the left.”

First of all, ha ha ha ha. Second of all, ha.

Sorry, I can’t stop picturing some faceless “progressive” urging good conservatives to “smoke a little pot” and get nekkid. And then, of course, he’d goad them into using food stamps at 7-11 for some Doritos and ice cream.

She does make a good point, however,

about running more liberal (read: less rightwing) Republicans instead of the insufferable Tea Party idiots who currently have our government held hostage. I mean, there is something to be said for that very legitimate criticism on the part of “the left.” Not that Parker sees it that way. Alas. “[Progressives] declared a war on marriage which weakened women and opened a door to this new culture of meaninglessness,” Parker says. “Homosexuality is now dividing us and bringing hostility into the public square.”

Yeah! This African-American woman is right. I simply cannot think of anything that has come before this whole homosexuality business that has divided Americans. If only I could think of something or maybe even two things in our nation’s history while this person with dark skin and a vagina is speaking. Hmm… Nope. I’ve got nothing. Parker is right. Everybody was nice and equal and un-hostile before these gays started causing trouble.

Parker continues, “All sexual behavior’s adult behavior in my opinion, so keep it private!” This gets whoops and cheers from the audience. Because if only gays would stop being so public about their gayness then nice conservative folks could just keep oppressing them without so much meddlesome opposition.

Then, after complaining about how government dependency has ruined black people, Parker goes in for the kill: “It is nowhere in our nation’s Declaration of Independence or Constitution that a politician has a right to force free people to pay for the lifestyles and indulgences of other free people. Not their housing, not their healthcare, not their food, not their childcare, not their retirement, not their habits, and certainly not their sex life.”

And the predominantly white crowd goes insane. Finally, a black person saying what they’ve felt all along about black people (with a jab at homos thrown in for good measure) and it feels great. Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty the white conservatives at the Value Voters Summit are free, at last from having to pretend they give a shit. Q

november, 2013 | issue 224 | gaysaltlake.com

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 23

a mom’s view A few months ago I was invited to attend the Gay Writes Community Writing Club sponsored by Salt Lake Community College. We meet the First and Third Monday’s at 6:30 p.m., SLCC Community Writing Center, 210 East and 400 South, Suite 8, Salt Lake City, UT 84111.

This group is open to the LGBT community and allies. There are poets, fiction and non-fiction writers; a lot of variety. Members get feedback and help on their writings; it has helped me a great deal with writing my articles. Please join us.

For the next few months, I will be highlighting some of the great talent in the group. I know you will enjoy the writings.

Leesa@LeesaMyers.com

CLEANSING RAIN

MARRIAGE AND DOMA

BY KED KIRKHAM

BY KED KIRKHAM

We were drenched, soaked through, so that you must peel my clothing off of me, then I yours off you. What possessed us, as surely we were under some influence, some notion, movement of heart or dancing of spirit.

Would we not have thought: it’s raining; summer rain all the same, but we walked, finding ourselves here, after an hour standing closely enough, that our heat rose between us.

Fragrant. Our clothing coming off slowly.

Until our only memory of rain was in the words we spoke as we walked.

The same words, in fact we have just spoken in our nakedness, hiding nothing now that would separate us from tomorrow, and the vows we have given to each other.

What is the answer to the crossword clue: TO DO LIST, in six letters?

Agenda! I had been trying to sort and set my thoughts about the often made charge of a Gay Agenda, and here it was: a list of things we want to do.

I have had some thoughts I would like to bring to the table. I shall let you have your say as well. Call that part of my agenda.

DOMA: DEFENSE OF MARRIAGE ACT. I’ll acquiesce that I do not have an Act yet, so I will produce a Defense of Marriage Affirmation. The Act, itself strikes me as bullying of a very sinister form; having that pulpit from which it comes.

You don’t need to defend marriage to me! I get it. I believe in it. You don’t have to defend marriage from me either. I want it the way I saw it with my parents: honest, committed, intimate, tender. Their marriage was a bulwark against many storms, a bridge over many crevasses. It lasted 63 years, and while there would be seven children that are not all that it produced.

PROCREATION IS NOT THE SOLE REASON TO MARRY. I do not believe it has been for a number of generations. We have found- developed, even- additional benefits to marriage.

Companionship: Mutual aid during turmoil involving health, happiness, social affairs.

Marriage has joined diverse backgrounds and experiences, introduced interest in and concern for those not exactly like us.

MARRIAGE CREATES FAMILY. The nucleus of a society, we can compare the ideal with the actual. In every direction we see examples of abuse of the right marry and to establish families. I am aware that I live up to the old saw that data and examples are sometimes used in debate the way lamp posts are used by drunks: for support more that illumination. There are positive examples of family in every camp as well. Infants in the home, toddlers in day care, youth in school; we also have siblings, parents and in-laws, some in care centers and nursing homes where we sit at the bedside. The family rightfully educates in areas of compassion, finances, tradition.

What are we asking for that calls up such objection? We are asking for the equal right to

choose in whose care we will put our medical and legal decisions; who we will assign the dissolution of our affairs. These are the civil rights we desire. We wish to have that person named, indelibly, on the record of our lives.

The DOMA arguments strike me as posturing by a few declaring that they alone know what is good for all. I am aware that this can be thrown back at me. The difference in my mind is that I do not want to tell you how to practice your marriage. I want my rights to be equal in the eyes of the laws that govern us all.

Regarding marriage and family rights: how many families were torn apart at the slave auction in denial and disregard of any rights? How many laborers from China and the Philippines were denied the right to marry here or to bring their wives with them? Recall how recently laws were withdrawn that forbade interracial marriage.

Readings of both the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution have brought the term usurpation to mind. Who gets to accuse who? We are asking to enjoy the security of a home shared lovingly with someone of our own choosing.

You have usurped the dignity of marriage, not we. Q kirkhamked@gmail.com

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gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

wtf?!

GOOGLE AUTOCOMPLETE REVEALS DISTURBING ANTIGAY DISCRIMINATION Though times are changing, an indicator of how much work stillneeds to be done is Google Autocomplete, which guesses

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searches. Type in “gays should,” and “be killed,” “die,” and “not adopt” are the top three choices. “Gays need to” reveals “be put to death,” “stop whining,” and “shut up.” A U.N. campaign for women reveals Maybe it’s time for the gay equivalent.

60 INJURED DURING MONTENEGRO GAY PRIDE MARCH Another indicator of the need to continue the fight, is that gay pride marches around the world face physical violence and arrest. The 150 people marching for gay rights in Montenegro were escorted by police and confronted by 1,500 anti-gay extremists. Rocks and firebombs were thrown and melee ensued, injuring 20 officers and 40 of the anti-gay rioters.

like

NOM TO GOV. CHRISTIE: NO PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was the anti-gay National Organization for Marriage’s only hope to stop same-sex marriage in New Jersey. As the state’s

Tickets at: BIGGAYFUNBUS.COM or 801-649-6663 x2 or at Club Try-Angles during normal hours

supreme court ruled that gay marriage must begin on Monday, Oct. 21, Christie dropped his legal challenge to the court’s ruling. NOM president Brian Brown said Christie lacked principled leadership and, “His surrender on marriage effectively surrenders any chance he might have had to secure the GOP nomination for president.” Meanwhile, gays and lesbians in Jersey are flooding city hall.

november, 2013 | issue 224 | gaysaltlake.com

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 25

who’s your daddy?

Thank you, thank you very much

BY CHRISTOPHER KATIS

Twice a

day — once in the morning and again at bed time — I try to take a second to be consciously grateful for everything that’s in my life. Think of it as my way of telling the Universe ,”thanks.” Sometimes it’s for something significant like a family member’s improved health. Other times it can be as simple as getting a few texts from my friend, Teresa.

But no matter what else may be on my gratitude agenda, twice a day, every day, I say THANK YOU for my kids. Partly I do it because I’m really, really grateful for them in my life. And partly, I do it to Twice a day, remind myself of every day, I that fact. say thank you Recently, I learned about a for my kids new book that is out: Meeting Robyn, by Gloria Parker. Although Ms. Parker is an accomplished playwright and screenwriter, this is her first book.

It’s also a different look at parent — child relationships.

See, Parker’s daughter, Robyn, was born her son, Robert. The book is a very first-person examination of their shared journey from mother and son to mother and daughter. Learning about this book so close to Thanksgiving made me wonder how gratitude fit into this whole experience for the women.

I had a chance to ask them both about their feelings.

Gloria’s reasoning for writing such a personal and revealing book actually touched a nerve with me — in a positive way. She told me, “ I imagined that she [Robyn] would read it and that it might dissolve some of the pain of the years because she would know someone else was watching, someone else was there beside her and someone, though I didn’t come by

it easily, someone supported her. It was my way of admitting the mistakes I made and telling her the fears I still had. “ And then there were Robyn’s feelings of betrayal and hurt. Her mother’s struggle to accept her as a daughter obviously weighed heavy on her, and the once close relationship became strained. But Gloria had raised a strong daughter. Robyn began a process of educating her mom, and not only restored their relationship but gained her mom’s respect.

Which is why I wasn’t surprised by their answers to my last question: What, if anything, are you most grateful for from this experience?

For Gloria it was the mere fact that they had made it through this together. And for Robyn? “My mom’s continued love and support. She makes a huge difference in my ability to become the person I am. I have always felt fortunate to have such an amazing mom and that only gets stronger with time.”

As I see it, Gloria and Robyn’s story is just another reason for me to continue to express my gratitude for the relationship I have with the boys, and being in each other’s lives. We don’t know what the future holds. Maybe we’ll become distant, maybe one or all of us will feel betrayed.

But then again, maybe — just maybe — taking a moment to acknowledge to the universe that I am grateful for my sons from the top of my spiky Greek hair to the bottoms of my hairy Greek toes, I’ll always find a way for us to persevere like Gloria and Robyn did.

The kids aren’t the only reason I’m grateful, of course. I’m thankful for parents, siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins and friends all of whom love me unconditionally. And of course, I’m most thankful for Kelly.

If you’d like to read Meeting Robyn I’m told it’s available online and at major book stores.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Q

Embracing the health & resilience of our community

26 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

queer shift

Trust-SHIFT

BY CHARLES FROST

For some

reason the topic of trust is on everyone’s tongue this fall. Everyone I talk to is discussing it, or symptoms associated with a lack of it; whether it be in a relationship, friendship, community, organization, leadership, congress, or government, it seems to be of utmost timeliness. Trust, or trustworthiness, in my opinion, is at the apex of being genuinely effective or successful in personalities, relationships, organizations, communities and governments. If you’ve followed the Queer Shift columns I have written, then you know I often return to my theatrical core to pull from as I humbly try to posit ideas for change. Shakespeare said it quite well in All’s Well That Ends Well — “Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.”

When I used to work in Seminarland, designing and conducting trainings in organizational development, one of the regular questions I used to ask people at all levels within a company was “do you automatically trust, or do people have to gain trust?” It was always very interesting how I could directly assess the organizational health and employee engagement through that one question. It didn’t change based on generations either. If people said they trusted easily, readily, and regularly, I always knew the hard work we were about to embark upon was going to be much more productive. The same rule applies to communities.

In today’s world, and even more so in the queer world we are not immune to this crisis of trust. Regularly, there are examples of emotional withdrawals, broken promises, personal ego over pure intentions regarding trust; nationally, in the general culture and in the gay subculture.

There are daily reminders of leaders who have eroded solidarity and collaboration with their community members’, constituencies’, employees’ and customers’ trust. I used to believe that the majority of leaders walked the path of trustworthiness, but in these hectic times, my willingness to simply offer that belief has eroded. It amazes me that more leaders don’t do regu-

lar checking as to this vitally important personal characteristic. When some get themselves into dire straights, the results can in fact be harrowing for many leaders if they receive feedback that others don’t find them trustworthy.

However, being trustworthy, for most people, is rooted in their own mindsets and may be strongly influenced by the fracture of trust in the day-to-day world around them.

If I propose that most people don’t automatically trust leaders these days, then how is it earned, and more importantly how is it kept and increased? Trust needs to be earned through honesty, transparency, a shared community buy-in, diligence, integrity and applied effort. And like most gigantic issues, the change in trust begins individually.

“Judge each day not by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant.”

— Robert Louis Stevenson If lack of trust is an issue either as a person or organization, what can be done do to manage perceptions of trust? Here are a few tips: Monitor your use of “I” in your communications. Do an audit of your emails, for example, and see how frequently you use “I” as opposed to “we.” Peter Drucker said it best: “The leaders who work most effectively, it seems to me, never say ‘I.’ And that’s not because they have trained themselves not to say ‘I.’ They don’t think ‘I.’ They think ‘we‘; they think ‘team.’ They understand their job to be to make the team function. They accept responsibility and don’t sidestep it, but ‘we‘ gets the credit. This is what creates trust.”

View promises you make as an unpaid debt, and be very careful the promises you make. Keep your promises.

Keep talking about what matters. Lewis Carol knew this when he said: “What I tell you three times is true.”

Your reputation is like a brand. Manage your brand, what you want to be known for. Brand is trust. Be known as a truth teller.

Be willing to help. Rather than complaining, comparing, criticizing, or competing, try pitching in to build trust, community and culture.

Treat everyone as a very important individual. As much as this is hard to do, don’t try to lead through email, have “face time” with people. The more time you spend with people, the more the level of trust increases.

Manage your moods. Predictability engenders trust.

Make people feel safe? Fear and trust are mutually exclusive. Most leaders would be shocked to find out that, in many cases, people fear them. I recently watched an excellent PBS documentary on Caligula, undeniably the most notorious and horrific Roman Emperor, who was best known for the ridiculous stratagem — “let them hate me, so long as they fear me.” As absurd now as it was then.

Trust and respect, which are the ultimate facets of love, are the benchmark to healthy relationships. It’s all about individual behaviors. Do individuals behave in a trustworthy manner or not? There is only yes or no responses here.

Ask yourself: Do I share information that I know is helpful to others, or do I withhold it?

Do I treat everyone with kindness and compassion?

Do I try to do good in my dealings with others?

Do I follow through on my commitments, even if it is at considerable personal expense?

Do I seize opportunities to encourage others?

Am I just as happy about others’ achievements as I am of my own?

Trust is connected to leverage, influence and being a change agent, the ability to inspire. It’s the adhesive that bonds us to each other, that strengthens relationships, organizations and communities.

Respect, civility, and abundance in thought, language and behavior also create critical trust. Finally, may I kindly offer a rule from my own life operating system or L.O.S. — he or she who trusts least — should be least trusted. It rarely, if ever fails me. Here’s to the power and value of trust. Q

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 27

november, 2013 | issue 224 | gaysaltlake.com

Wedding Officiant Michael Aaron

• Legal weddings • Civil unions • Commitment Ceremonies • Opposite-sex, Same-sex, Polyamorous Ceremonies • Naturist Ceremonies

801-649-6663 ext. 3 maaron@yahoo.com

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Enjoy dancing, drinks and authentic Italian food while celebrating Halloween with an Italian twist!

Costume contest with prizes awarded to: • Most Original Costume • Best Mask

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Cost is $20 per person purchased online and $25 at the door and includes food.

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28 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

lambda lore

Where Harry met Harry

BY BEN WILLIAMS

Our Gay

bars never were, and still are not, just about getting an alcoholic beverage. While our bars were never safe due to police raids, blackmail, or assault by guilt-ridden heterosexuals, they were the wellsprings, the beginnings where homosexual consciousness and identity bubbled up. In the pre-Ellen Show era there were no positive images of homosexuals except for the ones we made for ourselves. In these places, on the most part hidden places, we escaped from the everyday oppression of the straight world in which we hid, or at least tried to blend in.

For much of our history, for a Gay person, every encounter of an intimate nature was potentially dangerous, from the threat of being arrested, to being assaulted, to even being murdered. However, in our clubs we felt safe; we were not alone; we were not an aberration. There, we were not pitied or condemned. There, we could thrive.

Originally, Gay friendly bars in Salt Lake City were mostly associated with the red light districts of Commercial Street, Plum Alley and, later, Second South. Ogden, being a railroad town, was wide open to sexual possibilities for straights but Gays were hidden in backrooms of saloons and the rooms above them. Outside of our bars, there were few ways to meet other homosexuals unless initiated into a social group. These cliques jealously guarded their privacy, knowing that any exposure could destroy lives.

In 1986, I started my first support group — a self-help therapy meeting for homosexuals leaving heterosexual marriages. I called it “Married and Divorced Gays and Lesbians,” and later it was pointed out to me that the acronym spelled MADGAL. It was unintentional put appropriate since most of the wives we were leaving behind were pretty mad. Anyway, while running this group I was approached by a man of some prominence who asked if I would screen men coming to the group for him.

He belonged to a private homosexual circle of married lawyers, doctors, bishops, and other professional men who were seeking others in similar circumstances. They had no intention of leaving their wives or ever coming out. I did not acquiesce. I was too full of self righteous Gay Pride and after years of self deception I wanted no part of that scene. I realize now I should have, though. These men were more typical of homosexuals in Utah nearly 30 years ago than the handful of people self-identifying as Gay men and women. I could have learned a lot.

Small homosexual cabals, where invitees brought acquaintances or “initiates” to top-secret parties, were the norm for much of Utah’s history. Middle class soirees, with the curtains drawn and shades pulled down were all that was available outside of the bars. At these parties, people dressed up, coats and ties for men, dresses and makeup for women. Drag was not even a remote possibility. Cocktails were served, and small talk made. These parties tried to imitate the cosmopolitan air of similar chic parties on the east and west coasts.

Lesbians had their softball leagues for a social outlet and could, therefore, be more “tom boyish,” but at their residential parties, it was required that a more formal attire be worn. The “butches,” or masculine-looking women, were allowed to wear sporty men’s clothing with slicked back or short cropped hair, to distinguish themselves from the “fems,” who were in party dresses.

If one did not consider themselves homosexual, then the dangerous world of illicit sexual encounters in semi-public places was all that was available. Quick anonymous sex was sometimes as addicting as an adrenaline rush; with the fear factor of being caught. Anonymous sex afforded the delusion of being “normal” after returning to whatever “normal” life one was leading. After all, it wasn’t real sex.

It was just fooling around.

Much of the “Gay” scene outside of our

bars is still conducted at private parties at at private residences, much like what is still happening today in Utah County.

In 2005, a message sent to a Utah group site I was hosting contained the following: “Since moving to Provo eight months ago, I have found there is no safe place for Gay men in Utah County to play. No Gay bars, no sex clubs, no saunas, or safe cruising places. So, I’m hosting two parties. I have had three parties since July 30th, and they were phenomenal visual and sensual experiences for all.” This man’s description could have been from 1955. The fact that Utah County had no Gay bar has been, and is, a real impediment to the growth of a Gay identity south of the Point of the Mountain.

Gay-friendly bars were also In the prethe only safe Ellen Show era, places where Utah homothere were no sexuals could positive images cross dress. of homosexuals Heterosexuals in these places except for the made little ones we made distinction between “lewd ourselves. women” and “sissy men” and used both for personal sexual gratification.

In fact, often sissy men were preferred to prostitutes because they frequently didn’t charge and would perform oral sex, which women are sometimes loathe to do.

I met my first cross dresser while hanging out at Pioneer Park in 1977 — a place that was notorious for anonymous hook ups more than being a refuge for the homeless and drug dealers as it is today.

This cross dressing Gay man was a curiosity and we visited for sometime about his experiences. He informed me that heteromen had no problem with him being Gay, as long as he was in a dress. Another time I met a man there who was in his 70s who told of his time as a sexually active young

november, 2013 | issue 224 | gaysaltlake.com

man in Salt Lake City in the 1920s and 1930s. He hadn’t any post Stonewall concept that Gay was a state of being and not an action. To him, the word only had a semi-sexual connotation. It was what you did, not who you were. You performed Gay acts only.

I read somewhere that the term “Gay Blade” in England did not connote a “happy fellow” but rather a person who was “randy and naughty” and usually was applied to gentlemen who frequented houses of prostitution. For most police officers before Stonewall, and probably to many today, the words homosexual, whore, and prostitute were all synonymous with vice. I know it is the case with Dallin Oaks and Boyd K. Packer.

Prior to 1970, only the Radio City Lounge was openly

identified as a Gay friendly bar, although its owners were straight. In 1970 a women’s bar called Perky’s opened on 3rd West in Salt Lake City which had a lesbian clientele, but was not at first identified as an openly Gay bar. It was operated for five years by its lesbian owner.

The emergence of a Gay community in Salt Lake City, due to the efforts of the “radicals” of Utah’s Gay Liberation Front in the 1970s, would displaced many of the Gay friendly bars of Pre-Stonewall with openly Gay bars. Joe Redburn’s legendary Sun Tavern opened in 1973 as the first openly Gay bar in Utah and became the most important bar in the development of a Gay identity and community in Salt Lake City and probably in all of Utah.

Thank you, Joe. Q

Utah Stonewall Historical Society Read about Utah’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender history as written by Utah’s Gay historian, Ben Williams at

benwilliamswritings. blogspot.com Add check daily for ‘This day in gay Utah history” at

benwilliamsblogger. blogspot.com

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 29

Thanksgiving Potluck Dinner Who: Everyone!

Date: Thursday, November 28th Time: 11:00 AM - 2:00 PM Location: Utah Pride, 255 E 400 S Utah Pride will provide the Main Dish (turkey, ham, tofurkey) and beverages. Bring a potluck dish to share and join us for good food, games, and friends. Even if you can’t bring a dish, we want you here!

Potluck Items by Last Name: Appetizers: A - G Salads & Side Dishes: H - M Desserts: N - Z Vegan & Vegetarian items also needed!

For More information email: megan@utahpridecenter.org

Hosted By:

UtahPrideCenter.org

30 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | TRANSGENDER EDUCATION

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

feature

Two boys, legally married in Utah

BY MICHAEL AARON

Rick & Jesse

were legally married at South Valley Unitarian Church in Cottonwood Heights Oct. 5. But before you run out and try to apply for a marriage license, you might want to hear the rest of the story.

Rick was born in Florida and Jesse in California. Rick loved Matchbox cars and Jesse loved to read science fiction books.

Rick’s nickname growing up was “Ricky Doodles” and Jesse’s was “Jessica Messica.”

Wait ... Jessica?

Yes, Jesse was born a girl — a girl who wanted to grow up to be Luke Skywalker.

“As early as I can remember I have felt different and uncomfortable with my assigned gender,” Jesse said. “That discomfort came to a head in adolescence when I started having sexual feelings and was shocked to be having these feelings about both girls and boys. I tried dating boys and hated being treated like a girl so I decided that I was a lesbian.”

Jesse said it was a confusing time for the entire family. They argued and faced

homophobia in their Lutheran church.

“After high school, I moved to the Los Angeles area to attend a small women’s college,” Jesse said. “It was there that I first made friends with a person who was transmasculine. I came to better understand my own gender identity through my friendship with him and with other transgender and queer people in that community. I remember when I went to a dance wearing men’s clothes and a beard that a friend taught me to apply using my own hair and something called stoppel paste. When I looked in the mirror that night I almost cried with joy.”

Jesse eventually dropped out of school and moved back to Utah, where the family had relocated when Jesse was eight. Five years ago, Jesse started taking testosterone.

“Testosterone gave me enough emotional calm to start envisioning a future for myself that felt worth living for,” Jesse said.

“I also love how it’s changed my body. For a number of years I identified as genderqueer. I now identify and operate in the

world as a man but I have much broader and nuanced view of men and masculinity than most people do.”

Rick enrolled at Salt Lake Community College after high school, where he found “Coloring Outside the Lines,” a queer student group.

“I met some wonderful people and later became an officer and finally president,” Rick said. “During my presidency, I was inspired by the stories of our trans members and driven to act. We had educational events and I worked with administration to install a gender neutral bathroom at the Sandy campus.”

After leaving SLCC, Rick interned with the Utah Pride Center under their Trans programming coordinator. He developed a resource guide and worked with TransAction to create the first Trans March and the second gender conference. He also worked with Kids Like Me, a playgroup for families with a gender-creative child or a gender exceptional parent(s).

Rick and Jesse met at the University of Utah’s QSU at an event here Kathryn Bond Stockton was promoting her new book, The Queer Child and talking about Queer Theory in January, 2010.

“While I loved the topic, I didn’t pay

TEA of Utah, in conjunction with Q Salt Lake, is proud to present

Kristen Beck, Warrior Princess November 14, 2013, 6:30 pm, venue TBD

US Navy Seal, Purple Heart and Bronze Star with Valor recipient – and transwoman. Kristin Beck, born Christopher Beck in 1966 in Long Island New York, is known to be the first trans* sailor in the US Navy.

Come join us for an engaging evening with Kristen as she talks about her personal journey and the successes of her career – both during her military service and after. Check TEA of Utah’s website and Facebook for more information as it becomes available.

Please mark your calendars for Transgender Day of Remembrance November 20, 2013, 6:30 pm.

More information can be found at www.teaofutah.org

november, 2013 | issue 224 | gaysaltlake.com

TRANSGENDER EDUCATION | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 31

Community Building Community

Saturday November 16th from 10AM - 5PM

Rowland Hall, 843 Lincoln Street, SLC much attention because I was thinking about how cute Jesse was,” Rick said.

The two went on a few coffee dates and began seriously dating shortly after. Jesse appreciated how passionate Rick was about transgender issues, and they found that they had much in common.

“I think some of my geek has rubbed off on him,” Jesse said.

“I introduced him to Star Trek and strategy board games.”

The two often play board games with friends and Rick plays on the Pride Softball League.

They also both work with transgender organizations.

“Jesse and I have been cofacilitators for Kids Like Me for a few years, and the group has greatly grown in numbers,” Rick said. “I continue to be inspired by the families we work with. Jesse and I are currently working with the Transgender Advocates of Utah and the Utah Pride Center to create a day camp at this year’s Genderevolution conference.”

The two were really not into the institution of marriage, viewing it as “a historically heterosexual invention that involved the ownership of land and women.”

But they talked about it for quite a while, wondering what it would mean to them personally. In the end, they wanted to profess their love for one another in front of family and close friends.

“I proposed to Rick on July 10

while we were vacationing on Donner Lake in California with my family,” Jesse said. “I took Rick to a spot high up in the mountains with a majestic view overlooking the lake. I pulled out of my backpack two teddy bears dressed in tuxedos, I got down on one knee and I asked Rick if he would marry me.”

Rick, of course, said yes.

Because Jesse has chosen not to change the gender marker on any identity documents, the state sees the marriage as between a man and a woman.

“It’s pathetic that the validity of a couple’s commitment to each other is judged by whether or not they have the same gender marker on their identity documents,” Jesse said.

Rick will be graduating with a Master of Social Work in May and will begin his career.

Jesse will then return to school to earn a degree.

“Next Summer, Jesse and I will be going to Donner Lake with his family. We’ll have a party there to introduce me to Jesse’s family and leave on our honeymoon. In the long term we hope to spend time traveling together and eventually settle down in a house and have a child,” Rick said.

“I would like to finish a bachelor’s in special education.

I know that we’ll face unforeseen challenges and triumphs in our lives, but we’ll face them together as partners.,” Jesse said.

“Rick is the love of my life. I call him my teddy bear.” Q

Admission is $25 (includes meals)

Visit our website for scholarship opportunities.

This Year’s Keynote Speaker: Ruby Corado Daily Kos’s Transgender Hero #4 Founder of the inclusive Multicultural Center, Casa Ruby.

Trans* Month Events Tuesday, October 22nd - Alphabet Soup: Drag 101 Wednesday, October 23rd - Alphabet Soup: Drag Show Fundraiser. Time and Venue TBD. $5 at the door.

Thursday, October 24th - Alphabet Soup: Guest speaker, Bamby Salcedo. Noon at Westminster College Gore Business School auditorium. Free.

Saturday, October 26th - When She Speaks I Hear the Revolution.

7pm-9pm at the Jitterbug Coffee Shop. Free.

Friday, November 1st - Royal Court: Transylvania @ Paper Moon.

21+. Door Fee. TransAction: Costume Party at UPC. 7-10pm. Free.

Saturday, November 2nd - TEA: Wine and Cheese Soiree.

Sunday, November 3rd - Royal Court: Baker Boy BBQ @ The Trapp. Time and Venue TBD. 21+ Thursday, November 7th - U of U Outlaws, Speaker Panel event.

Friday, November 15th - Providers Summit. 5:30pm-9pm Saturday, November 16th - Gender Conference. 9am-5:30pm.

Wednesday, November 20th - TEA: TDOR

Register & Find Details Online:

UtahPrideCenter.org

32 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | TRANSGENDER EDUCATION

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

How keynote speaker Ruby Corado became Ruby an important trans* activist

BY JENNY ROGERS

Corado stood in the D.C. Jail, surrounded by 60 male inmates.

Earlier that night in March 2008, a domestic dispute with her then-boyfriend had landed them both behind bars. Though Corado looked like, dressed like, and identified as a woman, she’d been housed with the men because of her genitalia. Prison staff instructed her to strip.

Corado, now 42, remembers being humiliated but determined.

“I said, ‘You want a show? I’ll give you a show,’” Corado says. “I got naked. The guys went crazy.”

Even less pleasant for Corado is the memory of urinating in front of the men in the cell.

“That was the worst feeling ever,” she says. “Peeing in front of the boys.”

She was released the next day. The grassroots D.C. Trans* Coalition, of which Corado is a founding member, organized a campaign to improve the

treatment of transgender people brought to the jail. In 2009, the District announced a new policy: Transgender inmates who identify as women could be housed with female inmates. That meant no more strip searches in front of men.

For Ruby Corado, born Vladimir Artiga in San Salvador, El Salvador, the personal has always mingled with the political. At 16, she left behind a turbulent childhood — civil war engulfed the country, and classmates had physically tormented her in the school bathroom for being a feminine little boy.

In D.C., Corado has been both a victim of violence and a leading advocate for others who have been victimized. Her nonprofit community center, Casa Ruby, provides services to a range of marginalized groups who, due to language or immigration status, often don’t know what resources are available to them. After more than 10 years of advocacy for

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november, 2013 | issue 224 | gaysaltlake.com

the transgender and Latino communities, Corado can command a meeting with any local official; she just can’t keep some teenager from calling her a dude when she walks down the street.

Corado’s long history in D.C. has made her the go-to resource for government officials on trans* issues. Mayor Vince Gray was quick to pass along a statement for this story effusively praising her and calling her “extremely influential in many positive changes we’ve seen in the District.”

“We know that she’s connected and that she has information we don’t have,” says Gustavo Velasquez, director of the city’s Office of Human Rights. When the office set out to conduct an awareness campaign for the transgender community, “the first person we went to was Ruby,” he says.

It was Ruby, he says, who suggested the office conduct focus groups out of Casa Ruby to work out messaging and even to find models for the ads the city put out. When the office learned that some restaurants and bars weren’t complying with requirements that single-occupancy bathrooms be gender-neutral, Velasquez again turned to Corado’s network.

The communication, Velasquez admits, goes both ways.

When he sees her number pop up on his phone, he knows he’s “about to get hammered.”

“Typically when I get a call from Ruby, it’s, ‘Where is this issue?’” he says. “I haven’t finished a case of someone she sent over here, or we didn’t send an inspector over for a possible noncompliance on a bathroom issue.”

Corado’s advocacy, which runs the gamut from helping a transgender graduate of D.C. Public Schools get the name on her diploma changed to serving on the U.S. Attorney’s

Anti-Bias Task Force, began in the mid-1990s. Still relatively new to the U.S., she was living as a man during the week and a woman on the weekends in Dupont Circle.

“I was so into my transition,” Corado says. “I was in the right neighborhood. I thought, ‘Oh, I’m OK.’” In 1995, Corado was planning to live as a woman full-time when Tyra Hunter, a transgender woman, died of injuries sustained in a car accident after EMS personnel refused to treat her.

Corado took the death as a wake-up call. She started volunteering at Whitman-Walker Health, a health center focused on HIV/AIDS care for LGBT patients, doing things like distributing condoms. A few years later, she won a pageant, Miss Gay El Salvador, which came with an expectation of

TRANSGENDER EDUCATION | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 33

community service.

“I took it really seriously,” Corado says. “I felt like the community had acknowledged me.” She increased her volunteer work and joined groups like D.C. Trans* Coalition.

Another rash of hate crimes in 2003, including the murder of Corado’s friend Bella Evangelista, further galvanized her.

“I became very outspoken,” Corado says. Unlike some Latina trans* women, Corado could use her English fluency to her advantage. She held her first press conference in 2003, began dabbling in activism for trans* immigrants, and took a paying job at Whitman-Walker. She soon became a frequent source of quotes when media organizations reported on trans* issues or hate crimes.

In June 2012, Corado launched Casa Ruby. Occupy-

ing three floors of a house in Park View on Georgia Avenue NW, the center primarily aims to serve the Latina trans* community, but plenty of races and gender variants have relied on Casa Ruby. Corado says more than 700 clients have used the organization’s services, which include a daily hot meal provided by D.C. Central Kitchen; job consulting; psychological help; clothing; HIV testing; and just being somewhere to go.

One of Corado’s clients and quasi-employees is Daniel Trejo, a 23-year-old gay man who fled Mexico as a teenager after surviving a kidnapping and horrific violence.

He bounced around the U.S., undocumented, before landing in D.C., where someone steered him to the freshly opened Casa Ruby.

—Continued on page 50

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34 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | TRANSGENDER EDUCATION

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

Answers to your questions about transgender people, gender identity and gender expression WHAT DOES TRANSGENDER MEAN? Transgender is an umbrella term for persons whose gender identity, gender expression, or behavior does not conform to that typically associated with the sex to which they were assigned at birth. Gender identity refers to a person’s internal sense of being male, female, or something else; gender expression refers to the way a person communicates gender identity to others through behavior, clothing, hairstyles, voice, or body characteristics.

“Trans” is sometimes used as shorthand for “transgender.” While transgender is generally a good term to use, not everyone whose appearance or behavior is gendernonconforming will identify as a transgender person. The ways that transgender people are talked about in popular culture, academia, and science are constantly changing, particularly as individuals’ awareness, knowledge, and openness about transgender people and their experiences grow.

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SEX AND GENDER? Sex is assigned at birth, refers to one’s biological status as either male or female, and is associated primarily with physical attributes such as chromosomes, hormone prevalence, and external and internal anatomy. Gender refers to the socially constructed roles, behaviors, activities, and attributes that a given society considers appropriate for boys and men or girls and women. These influence the ways that people act, interact, and feel about themselves. While aspects of biological sex are similar across different cultures, aspects of gender may differ.

Various conditions that lead to atypical development of physical sex characteristics are collectively referred to as intersex conditions.

HAVE TRANSGENDER PEOPLE ALWAYS EXISTED? Transgender persons have been documented in many indigenous, Western, and Eastern cultures and societies from antiquity until the present day. However, the meaning of gender nonconformity may vary from culture to culture.

PHOTO: ADAM FINKLE

WHAT ARE SOME CATEGORIES OR TYPES OF TRANSGENDER PEOPLE? Many identities fall under the transgender umbrella. The term transsexual refers to people whose gender identity is different from their assigned sex. Often, transsexual people alter or wish to alter their bodies through hormones, surgery, and other means to make their bodies as congruent as possible with their gender identities. This process of transition through medical intervention is often referred to as sex or gender reassignment, but more recently is also referred to as gender affirmation. People who were assigned female, but identify and live as male and alter or wish to alter their bodies through medical intervention to more closely resemble their gender identity are known as TRANSSEXUAL MEN or TRANSMEN (also known as female-to-male or FTM).

Conversely, people who were assigned male, but identify and live as female and alter or wish to alter their bodies through medical intervention to more closely resemble their gender identity are known as TRANSSEXUAL WOMEN or TRANSWOMEN (also known as male-to-female or MTF). Some individuals who transition from one gender to another prefer to be referred to as a man or a woman, rather than as transgender.

People who CROSS-DRESS wear clothing that is traditionally or stereotypically worn by another gender in their culture.

They vary in how completely they crossdress, from one article of clothing to fully cross-dressing. Those who cross-dress are usually comfortable with their assigned sex and do not wish to change it. Crossdressing is a form of gender expression and is not necessarily tied to erotic activity.

Cross-dressing is not indicative of sexual orientation The degree of societal acceptance for cross-dressing varies for males and females. In some cultures, one gender may be given more latitude than another for wearing clothing associated with a different gender.

The term DRAG QUEENS generally refers to men who dress as women for the purpose of entertaining others at bars, clubs, or other events. The term drag kings refers to women who dress as men for the

purpose of entertaining others at bars, clubs, or other events.

GENDERQUEER is a term that some people use who identify their gender as falling outside the binary constructs of “male” and “female.” They may define their gender as falling somewhere on a continuum between male and female, or they may define it as wholly different from these terms. They may also request that pronouns be used to refer to them that are neither masculine nor feminine, such as “zie” instead of “he” or “she,” or “hir” instead of “his” or “her.”

Some genderqueer people do not identify as transgender.

Other categories of transgender people include ANDROGYNOUS, MULTIGENDERED, GENDER NONCONFORMING, THIRD GENDER, and TWO-SPIRIT people. Exact definitions of these terms vary from person to person and may change over time, but often include a sense of blending or alternating genders. Some people who use these terms to describe themselves see traditional, binary concepts of gender as restrictive.

WHY ARE SOME PEOPLE TRANSGENDER? There is no single explanation for why some people are transgender. The diversity of transgender expression and experiences argues against any simple or unitary explanation. Many experts believe that biological factors such as genetic influences and prenatal hormone levels, early experiences, and experiences later in adolescence or adulthood may all contribute to the development of transgender identities.

HOW PREVALENT ARE TRANSGENDER PEOPLE? It is difficult to accurately estimate the number of transgender people, mostly because there are no population studies that accurately and completely account for the range of gender identity and gender expression.

WHAT IS THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN GENDER IDENTITY AND SEXUAL ORIENTATION? Gender identity and sexual orientation are not the same. Sexual orientation refers to an individual’s enduring physical, romantic, and/or emotional attraction to another person, whereas gender identity refers to one’s internal sense of being male, female, or something else. Transgender people may be straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, or asexual, just as nontransgender people can be. Some recent research has

november, 2013 | issue 224 | gaysaltlake.com

shown that a change or a new exploration period in partner attraction may occur during the process of transition. However, transgender people usually remain as attached to loved ones after transition as they were before transition. Transgender people usually label their sexual orientation using their gender as a reference. For example, a transgender woman, or a person who is assigned male at birth and transitions to female, who is attracted to other women would be identified as a lesbian or gay woman.

Likewise, a transgender man, or a person who is assigned female at birth and transitions to male, who is attracted to other men would be identified as a gay man.

HOW DOES SOMEONE KNOW THAT THEY ARE TRANSGENDER? Transgender people experience their transgender identity

in a variety of ways and may become aware of their transgender identity at any age.

Some can trace their transgender identities and feelings back to their earliest memories.

They may have vague feelings of “not fitting in” with people of their assigned sex or specific wishes to be something other than their assigned sex.

Others become aware of their transgender identities or begin to explore and experience gender-nonconforming attitudes and behaviors during adolescence or much later in life. Some embrace their transgender feelings, while others struggle with feelings of shame or confusion. Those who transition later in life may have struggled to fit in adequately as their assigned sex only to later face dissatisfaction with their lives. Some transgender people, transsexuals in particular, Continued on page 36

TRANSGENDER EDUCATION | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 35

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36 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | TRANSGENDER EDUCATION

experience intense dissatisfaction with their sex assigned at birth, physical sex characteristics, or the gender role associated with that sex. These individuals often seek gender-affirming treatments.

WHAT SHOULD PARENTS DO IF THEIR CHILD APPEARS TO BE TRANSGENDER OR GENDER NONCONFORMING? Parents may be concerned about a child who appears to be gender-nonconforming for a variety of reasons. Some children express a great deal of distress about their assigned sex at birth or the gender roles they are expected to follow. Some children experience difficult social interactions with peers and adults because of their gender expression. Parents may become concerned when what they believed to be a “phase” does not pass.

Parents of gender-nonconforming children may need to work with schools and other institutions to address their children’s particular needs and ensure their children’s safety. It is helpful to consult with mental health and medical professionals familiar with gender issues in children to decide how to best address these concerns. It is not helpful to force the child to act in a more genderconforming way. Peer support from other parents of gender-nonconforming children may also be helpful.

HOW DO TRANSSEXUALS MAKE A GENDER TRANSITION? Transitioning from one gender to another is a complex process and may involve transition to a gender that is neither traditionally male nor female. People who transition often start by expressing their preferred gender in situations where they feel safe. They typically work up to living full time as members of their preferred gender by making many changes a little at a time. While there is no “right” way to transition genders, there are some common social changes transgender people experience that may involve one or more of the following: adopting the appearance of the desired sex through changes in clothing and grooming, adopting a new name, changing sex designation on identity documents (if possible), using hormone therapy treatment, and/or undergoing medical procedures that modify their body to conform with their gender identity.

Every transgender person’s process or transition differs. Because of this, many factors may determine how the individual wishes to live and express their gender

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

identity. Finding a qualified mental health professional who is experienced in providing affirmative care for transgender people is an important first step. A qualified professional can provide guidance and referrals to other helping professionals.

Connecting with other transgender people through peer support groups and transgender community organizations is also helpful.

The World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH), a professional organization devoted to the treatment of transgender people, publishes The Standards of Care for Gender Identity Disorders, which offers recommendations for the provision of gender affirmation procedures and services.

IS BEING TRANSGENDER A MENTAL DISORDER? A psychological state is considered a mental disorder only if it causes significant distress or disability. Many transgender people do not experience their gender as distressing or disabling, which implies that identifying as transgender does not constitute a mental disorder. For these individuals, the significant problem is finding affordable resources, such as counseling, hormone therapy, medical procedures, and the social support necessary to freely express their gender identity and minimize discrimination. Many other obstacles may lead to distress, including a lack of acceptance within society, direct or indirect experiences with discrimination, or assault. These experiences may lead many transgender people to suffer with anxiety, depression, or related disorders at higher rates than nontransgender persons.

In the United States, payment for health care treatment by insurance companies, Medicare, and Medicaid must be for a specific “disorder,” defined as a condition within the International Classification of Diseases (ICD) or the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV). According to DSM-IV, people who experience intense, persistent gender incongruence can be given the diagnosis of gender identity disorder. This diagnosis is highly controversial among some mental health professionals and transgender communities.

Some contend that the diagnosis inappropriately pathologizes gender noncongruence and should be eliminated. Others argue that it is essential to retain the diagnosis to ensure access to care.

WHAT KINDS OF DISCRIMINATION DO TRANSGENDER PEOPLE FACE? Anti-discrimination laws in most U.S. cities and states do not protect transgender people from discrimination based on gender identity or gender expression.

Consequently, transgender people in most cities and states face discrimination in nearly every aspect of their lives. The National Center for Transgender Equality and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force released a report in 2011 entitled Injustice at Every Turn, which confirmed the pervasive and severe discrimination faced by transgender people. Out of a sample of nearly 6,500 transgender people, the report found that transgender people experience high levels of discrimination in employment, housing, health care, education, legal systems, and even in their families. The report can be found at endtransdiscrimination.org.

Transgender people may also have additional identities that may affect the types of discrimination they experience. Groups with such additional identities include transgender people of racial, ethnic, or religious minority backgrounds; transgender people of lower socioeconomic statuses; transgender people with disabilities; transgender youth; transgender elderly; and others. Experiencing discrimination may cause significant amounts of psychological stress, often leaving transgender individuals to wonder whether they were discriminated against because of their gender identity or gender expression, another sociocultural identity, or some combination of all of these.

According to the study, while discrimination is pervasive for the majority of transgender people, the intersection of anti-transgender bias and persistent, structural racism is especially severe. People of color in general fare worse than White transgender people, with African American transgender individuals faring far worse than all other transgender populations examined.

Many transgender people are the targets of hate crimes. They are also the victims of subtle discrimination—which includes everything from glances or glares of disapproval or discomfort to invasive questions about their body parts.

HOW CAN I BE SUPPORTIVE OF TRANSGENDER FAMILY MEMBERS, FRIENDS, OR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS? Educate yourself about transgender issues by reading books, attending confer-

november, 2013 | issue 224 | gaysaltlake.com

ences, and consulting with transgender experts.

Be aware of your attitudes concerning people with gender-nonconforming appearance or behavior.

Know that transgender people have membership in various sociocultural identity groups (e.g., race, social class, religion, age, disability, etc.) and there is not one universal way to look or be transgender.

Use names and pronouns that are appropriate to the person’s gender presentation and identity; if in doubt, ask.

Don’t make assumptions about transgender people’s sexual orientation, desire for hormonal or medical treatment, or other aspects of their identity or transition plans. If you have a reason to know (e.g., you are a physician conducting a necessary physical exam or you are a person who is interested in dating someone that you’ve learned is transgender), ask.

Don’t confuse gender nonconformity with being transgender. Not all people who

appear androgynous or gender nonconforming identify as transgender or desire gender affirmation treatment.

Keep the lines of communication open with the transgender person in your life.

Get support in processing your own reactions. It can take some time to adjust to seeing someone you know well transitioning. Having someone close to you transition will be an adjustment and can be challenging, especially for partners, parents, and children.

Seek support in dealing with your feelings. You are not alone. Mental health professionals and support groups for family, friends, and significant others of transgender people can be useful resources.

Advocate for transgender rights, including social and economic justice and appropriate psychological care.

Familiarize yourself with the local and state or provincial laws that protect transgender people from discrimination.

Souce: American Psychiatric Association.

Genderevolution conference in November November is Transgender Education and Awareness Month and the public is invited to attend a conference with workshops and presentations.

Organizers hope to educate the community and allow an opportunity to meet trans* people, their parents, partners and friends.

This year’s theme is, “community building community,” as organizers seek to bring people with diverse experiences together to help create solutions and coalitions that improve and strengthen our relationships with each other, both across difference and across shared characteristics.

“We believe it’s necessary for both trans* and LGBTQ com-

munity members to actively work together to strengthen our communities as well as the community at large to strengthen understanding, compassion and affirmation through education, entertainment and bonding,” organizers said in a statement.

This year’s keynote speaker is Ruby Corado, founder of the inclusive Multicultural Center, Casa Ruby and Daily Kos’ Transgender Hero number 4.

Admission is $25.00 and includes breakfast and lunch.

A free arts and crafts day camp will be available for children, meals and snacks included.

Tickets, information and scholarship opportunities can be found at utahpridecenter.org

TRANSGENDER EDUCATION | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 37

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38 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

interview

Icona Pop is Lovin’ It DUO TALKS GAY TRENDSETTERS, THE BEST REVENGE AND BEING ‘THE PERFECT COUPLE’

BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI

november, 2013 | issue 224 | gaysaltlake.com

Girls just

wanna have fun. And crash cars. And throw their ex-boyfriends’ crap down the stairs.

That’s what one of Sweden’s latest imports, Icona Pop, did with “I Love It,” an inescapable kiss-off that turned indie darlings Aino Jawo and Caroline Hjelt into a legit pop act, scoring them a double-platinum top 10 hit on the Billboard Hot 100.

With their debut album This Is … Icona Pop just out, we caught up with the girls to chat about their “big family” of gays, capturing LGBT subculture in “All Night” and why they’d make the perfect lesbian couple.

When was the moment you knew how much the gays loved you? Aino Jawo: The gays are the first ones to pick up the trends when it comes to music, so it feels like they’ve been with us from the beginning.

Caroline Hjelt: Yeah. From the beginning, they picked up our music and put it on blogs and stuff, and we’ve been playing little clubs in London and DJing when we didn’t basically have anything – and that was at the gay bars.

You’ve performed at the White Party in Palm Springs and also at several Prides.

What’s the best part of performing for a room full of gay men? Jawo: That everybody dances! And that there’s so much love. It’s so much love, it’s crazy. We feel very home in those kinds of environments, so it’s like we’re a big family just singing along.

During “I Love It,” you bag up your ex’s stuff and throw it down the stairs. In real life, what’s the best revenge you’ve gotten on an ex? Jawo: The whole “I Love It” song! (Laughs) We didn’t crash any cars, but just for them to actually hear a song that’s about them that became a huge worldwide hit, I would say that’s pretty good revenge. Also, to see the look in their eye when, even though they don’t say anything, they know we’re singing about them, that’s very good revenge.

Hjelt: That is very good revenge!

Was any of the album written or created with your gay fans in mind? Hjelt: I don’t

think we think about anything or anyone except what we’re feeling in that exact moment. Our main goal is to make pop music that makes people feel, so in the studio we don’t have any rules – it’s just pure emotions and pure feelings. So I don’t think we had anyone specific in mind when we wrote it. But performing – and doing White Party and Pride – and seeing the gays adopting our music and understanding it, it makes us feel so appreciated and very home. It’s so amazing.

For the “All Night” video, which celebrates drag-ball culture, you obviously had the gays in mind. How did the video evolve and why did you decide to represent this gay subculture so prominently? Jawo: “All Night” is basically about expressing yourself. And with vogueists, it’s all about expressing themselves. We asked (House of Ninja, a N.Y.-based voguing troupe) if they wanted to be in our video and they said yes, and then, actually, (we had) the vogueists that taught Madonna to vogue.

That song is about just finding your element. It’s all about being who you are, and that means if you’re gay or straight or whatever. With that video, the people who are in it represent everything about what that song is about, because they are doing it 1,000 percent.

How did the 1990 documentary Paris is Burning, which also focused on ball culture, inspire the video? Jawo: It’s so great when you watch them and they’re talking about why they’re doing what they’re doing. I think that’s so beautiful. It was a big inspiration for us and also for the director.

What can people expect from your debut? Jawo: It’s definitely an album that’s very honest. It’s what we’ve been basically going through, so it’s not gonna be all songs that sound like “I Love It” or “All Night.” Some are more down-tempo, more heartbreaking songs, and some are party tunes.

Hjelt: People are gonna hear some new sides of Icona Pop and get to know us even more, because on this album we let people in. Like Aino said, it’s a very honest

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 39

album and we’re not hiding anything. It’s just what we’ve been through the last five years.

Is there pressure to live up to “I Love It”? Jawo: I wouldn’t say so. The most important part is that we’re proud of what we do. I know I am very proud, and I know that Caroline is as well.

“I Love It” opened so many doors for us.

Before “I Love It” there weren’t that many people listening to what we were doing because they didn’t know who we were, but now if we release something people actually do listen.

“I Love It” has been played just about everywhere. Where were you when you first heard the song outside the studio? Hjelt: The first time we heard it was on the radio, which was quite an experience. We were in Las Vegas for the first time and one of the promoters wanted to show us the city, so we were in his car driving down the street for the first time and “I Love It” comes on. We were screaming.

You had a freak-out moment? Jawo: Oh yeah. A big one.

In the spirit of “I Love It,” what’s one thing you love about the other? Jawo: There are a lot of things that I love about Caroline, but Caroline’s got one of the best senses of humor ever. She’s hilarious. And a good storyteller.

Hjelt: Aww! And Aino is such a special character and she gives me so much inspiration. She’s a true artist.

How often are you two mistaken for a lesbian couple? Jawo: Well, not that often.

(Laughs) I mean, we don’t really care what people think. We’re not together, but if people wanna think that, that’s fine.

Hjelt: We wish we were. I mean, I wish I were into girls so I could be with Aino. We would have the perfect relationship.

Jawo: Yeah. Like an old couple. Like an old, happy couple. No drama. I would say we’re like the perfect couple. Q Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBT wire service. Reach him via his website at www.chris-azzopardi.com.

40 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD&DRINK

dining guide Live Organic Vegetarian Gluten Free Food

Try Our Bean Burrito!

2148 Highland Drive

801-486-0332

www.omarsrawtopia.com

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

BUTCHER’S CHOP HOUSE & BAR 751 Main St, Ste 101 Park City 435-647-0040 Butcher’s Chophouse & Bar is a locals favorite since 2003. Offering superb dining and a late night menu until 12am. Casual attire and pleasant atmosphere makes them one of Park City’s favorites. Enjoy steaks, chops, seafood & more. Located at the base of the town lift, off 7th and Park Avenue.

CAFE SUPERNATURAL Trolley Square 600 E Side 801-363-1000 Quick cuisine using as much local and organically grown ingredients as possible.

With a 100% plant-based and 100% gluten-free menu, the community can enjoy a refreshing meal and drink to stay or on the go.

CALI’S NATURAL FOODS 389 W 1700 S 801-483-2254 A year-round farmer’s market, serving the highest quality locally sourced and organically grown produce. The wind-powered warehouse is open to the public for bulk coffee, teas, specialty products from our sister restaurants Sage’s Cafe, Vertical Diner, and Cafe SuperNatural.

DEL MAR AL LAGO 2260 S 300 W 801-467-2890 This Peruvian cebicheria is great Salt Lake secret.

Serving a dozen different types of cebiche, they also specialize in other Peruvian favorites, like lomo saltado.

Don’t pass up the creative cocktails and especially dessert.

EGGS IN THE CITY 1675 E 1300 S 801-581-0809 Breakfast or lunch in a friendly, warm and hip environment. The converted garage is now a stylish, enticing eatery. Try the eggs Benedict, French toast, custom-tailored omelets, huevos rancheros or cheese blintzes for breakfast.

FINN’S CAFE 1624 S 1100 E 801-467-4000 Family owned and operated for 62 years, Finn’s Cafe has been a large part of Utah’s fine dining heritage, specializing in both Norwegian and traditional dishes for breakfast and lunch. Full barista bar, fresh squeezed juices, and in-house bakery.

OFF TRAX  offtraxslc.com 259 W 900 S 801-364-4307 Home of the Happy Hangover. Breakfast, lunch.

Sunday brunch and weekend after-hours. Gay-owned and operated. Next to Club Try-Angles.

OMAR’S RAWTOPIA  omarsrawtopia.com 2148 S Highland Dr 801-486-0332 Omar prepares all raw, live and organic food from scratch with absolute love to create amazing food that is powerfully healing for your mind, body, and spirit.

SAGE’S CAFE 234 W 900 S 801-322-3790 Your favorite vegetarian restaurant is moving to Ninth South with a slough of other owner-operated, locally owned restaurants.

Watch for their reopening in November

SQUATTERS PUB BREWERY  squatters.com 147 W 300 S 801-363-2739

Salt Lake’s original brew pub featuring awardwinning fresh brewed beers, lunch, dinner and weekend brunch. Private banquet facilities available.

SQUATTERS ROADHOUSE GRILL & PUB  www.squatters.com 1900 Park Ave, Park City 435-649-9868 Park City’s brewpub features breakfast, lunch and dinner daily and is a full liquor licensee, serving both Squatters and Wasatch Beers.

VERTICAL DINER 2280 S West Temple 801-484-8378 Vegan diner serving downhome comfort food and breakfast all day. Specialties include fried faux chicken, blueberry pancakes, and hand cut french fries. Also serving fair trade coffee, tea, chocolate, and more.

WASATCH BREW PUB  wasatchbeers.com 250 Main, Park City 435-645-0900 At the top of Main Street and a local favorite since 1989, Wasatch Brew Pub serves lunch, dinner and weekend brunch, along with award winning beers and full liquor service. Private banquet facilities available.

ZEST KITCHEN & BAR 275 S 200 W 801-433-0589 Zest kitchen & bar melds healthy food and fresh, hand crafted drinks within a modern, social environment.

Vegan, vegetarian, glutenfree food made with locally sourced, fresh ingredients.

A full service bar featuring hand crafted cocktails with one of the largest selections of locally produced wines and beers; and live music, deejays, and dancing.

FOOD&DRINK | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 41

november, 2013 | issue 224 | gaysaltlake.com

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42 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD&DRINK

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

wine terroirist Wondering what to drink? Ask a winemaker

BY DAVID WHITE

Squatters 147 West 300 South, SLC (801) 363-2739 • squatters.com

Salt Lake’s original brewpub features award-winning fresh brewed beers, eclectic daily specials and traditional pub favorites for lunch, dinner and weekend brunch. With an urban garden patio and spectacular city views, Squatters is also a casual, fun option for large group reservations and private parties and events.

Look for us in Park City and at the airport too!

Imagine

if BMW’s design chief admitted that Ford produces some of his favorite cars. Or if the CEO of Coca-Cola confessed that every now and then, he craves a Pepsi.

Pure fantasy, of course. But with wine, such admissions happen daily. And now, a website has launched — WinemakersRecommend.com — to share these insider picks with the world.

I’ve been a sucker for tips like these since I first fell in love with wine.

It was the fall of 2007, and I was out in Napa Valley with a few friends. We had visits lined up at a number of the area’s top wineries - Heitz Cellars, Opus One, Robert Keenan Winery, and Failla, to name just a few - and at each spot, I asked the tasting room staff what they enjoyed drinking. I looked for many of those wines when I returned home.

As I dove deeper into the world of wine, I continued to ask those in the industry for suggestions. Sommeliers, retailers, and importers were eager to share tips, of course. But I was surprised that winemakers were equally excited to offer recommendations. After all, the bottles they pointed to were of-

Great Food!

Great People!

ten in direct competition with their own.

Yet across California, Oregon, Argentina, South Africa, and every other region I visited, winemakers were happy to steer me to other people’s wines. So when I launched my own website, I sought to collect these tips by regularly asking winemakers to list the wines open in their kitchen.

Thanks to these interviews, I learned about revolutionary producers like Arnot-Roberts, in Sonoma, and Channing Daughters, on Long Island, long before they gained critical acclaim for eschewing conventional varieties in pursuit of the esoteric.

Indeed, I’ve found that winemakers are the ones to ask about below-the-radar producers. For good reason, professional critics tend to focus on wines with mass appeal that are widely available. Winemakers, on the other hand, aren’t evaluating wine for the general public. Since they’re immersed in wine — producing it, drinking it, and thinking about it, they offer a wholly unique perspective. And it’s one that’s just as interested in the new and exciting as it is the delicious.

On Winemakers Recommend, top Napa Valley winemakers share their personal wine recommendations in slick, easy-todigest videos produced by Brett Lyman, a filmmaker, and Marcus Krupp, a self-described startup junkie.Thus far, the site has featured rock star winemakers like Aaron Pott, Helen Keplinger, and Steve Matthiasson, all of whom appeared in Food & Wine’s 2012 list of five “Winemakers of the Year.” Eventually, Lyman and Krupp hope to expand beyond Napa.

Next time you visit a winery, be sure to ask the tasting room staff — or, better yet, the winemaker — about their favorite wines. Until then, Winemakers Recommend is worth visiting. Q David White is the founder and editor of Terroirist.com, which was named “Best Overall Wine Blog” at the 2013 Wine Blog Awards. His columns are housed at Palate Press: The Online Wine Magazine.

gaysaltlake.com • Local • Fresh • Organic •

FOOD&DRINK | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 43

november, 2013 | issue 224 | gaysaltlake.com

Thanksgiving Leftovers Eggs Benedict What better recipe for Thanksgiving leftovers in a gay publication than to make them into a brunch?

This recipe is pretty simple given that pretty much everything is leftovers that simply need to be heated and the only real thing that you need to do is poach a few eggs. Within a few minutes you’ll have your ‘eggs benedict’ and, I have to say that smothering the already amazing Thanksgiving dinner flavors in a runny egg yolk works really well! (Feel free to throw in any leftover stuffing or mashed potatoes that you may have lying around.)

Servings: 2 Prep 10 minutes Cook 10 minutes Total 20 minutes Ingredients 2 english muffin, sliced and toasted 1 cup stuffing, warm 4 slices roast turkey breast, warm 4 eggs 1/2 cup gravy, warm 4 tablespoons cranberry sauce Directions Place the muffin slices two per plate and top each with stuffing and a slice of turkey.

Bring a large pot of water to a boil and reduce the heat to medium.

Crack an egg into a bowl, swirl the water in the pot and pour the egg from the bowl into the water and repeat for remaining egg.

Let the eggs cook until the whites are set but the yolks are not, about 2-3 minutes and fish them out.

Place the eggs on top of the turkey, cover with gravy and a dollop of cranberry sauce.

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44 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | PETS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

Pet of the Month Hey Neighbor, why yes, I’d LOVE to come to your cookout!

Come meet your cutest new neighbors!

Best Friends Pet Adoption Center right here in Sugar House Tue – Sat 11-7 • Closed Sun and Mon 2005 South 1100 East Salt Lake City, Utah 84106

Lucy Lucy is a stunning Pointer / Boxer mix, estimated to be around 2 years old. She gets along with other dogs and would be a great fit for an active adult home. In her current foster home, Lucy is accustomed to running five miles per day. So, when we say active, we mean it! She is Haltitrained and will jog right next to her person without getting distracted by anything. Lucy would prefer a home without

small animals such as cats or birds. (She will actually catch birds in mid air when she’s outside, if given the chance.)

Lucy is a smart lady and loves toys that give her mental stimulation, like Kong toys stuffed with treats. This lovely lady is house trained and crate trained, and more than ready to find a place to call home!

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46 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

anagram AN ANAGRAM IS A WORD OR PHRASE THAT CAN BE MADE USING THE LETTERS FROM ANOTHER WORD OR PHRASE. REARRANGE THE LETTERS BELOW TO ANSWER:

Who had the cutest Halloween family photo with his boyfriend and two kids?

TICKLISH RAIN RAPER

____ _______ ______

cryptogram A CRYPTOGRAM IS A PUZZLE WHERE ONE LETTER IN THE PUZZLE IS SUBSTI-

JANE’S WORLD

TUTED WITH ANOTHER. FOR EXAMPLE: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! HAS THE SOLUTION: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! IN THE ABOVE EXAMPLE ES ARE ALL REPLACED

BY CS. THE PUZZLE IS SOLVED BY RECOGNIZING LETTER PATTERNS IN WORDS AND SUCCESSIVELY SUBSTITUTING LETTERS UNTIL THE SOLUTION IS REACHED. THIS WEEK’S HINT: E=A

Theme: God hates Gaga?

G’TT ETMEZH JGLOB JVU IYDETGBZ, LVB NZ VMQ UITEBGVQHOGK MGBO LVA. _’__ ______ _____ ___ ________, ___ __ ___ ____________ ____ ___.

PUZZLE ANSWERS ON PAGE 54

november, 2013 | issue 224 | gaysaltlake.com

COMICS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 47

48 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku is actually five separate, but connected, Sudoku puzzles.

Q doku

Level: Medium Medium

8 9 6

7

1

3 9

4

9

8

4 7 9

8 9 6 4 5

9 4 2 3

4 9 8

6 1

9 2 4

2 3 2 8

3 1 9 7 6 8

9 1

8 9 3

7 9 1 6

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

6

3 5 4 1 5

4

1 6 7 4 1 8

6 3 2 4

5

8

2

6 9 8 8 1 3 2

4 1 7

2 9 8 7

8 6 4 1

4 5 9

8 4

6 9 6

2 4

6 9 7 5 8 6

4 9

1

2 4 3 9

2 8

7

7

6

5 8

3 9 6

8 6 4 7

9 1 8 8

4

7 6 3

people's market

7th annual holiday market of truly handmade Two Saturdays in December

December 14th & 21st 12:00 noon 8:00 p.m.

Trolley Square (south entrance)

unique products from local artisans

SUPPORT OUR PARTNERS

We support the UCCC Winter Market on November 30th (1355 W. 3100 S.)

q scopes

BY SAM MILLS

ARIES March 20–April 19 A deck of card has many hearts, but it also contains a joker as well. Don’t be afraid of finding yourself a friend or lover who knows how to love and tease at the same time. You may not always get the joke, but with an open heart, you’ll always laugh at the execution.

TAURUS Apr 20–May 20 Find time to break up the monotony and get involved with engrossing activities. Work will lead to many rewards if you don’t stress over the results. A significant change of attitude may occur in your perception of family. Don’t be afraid of redefinition when it counts.

GEMINI May 21–June 20 Be open to expressing yourself this month. Stay bold and show off your talents. A challenge to your playful nature will lead to frustrations. Let go of your expectations and let your feelings flow, but be prepared to clean up afterward.

CANCER June 21–July 22 There is something deep and desirable about your professional life. The time for focus has never been more important.

Friends will lead you into a path that could make you very happy. Break the mold and see a movie or go to a spectator event sometime.

LEO July 23–August 22 Some of your best work is possible this month. An intense focus on balance will keep you in check. A difficult work associate or business partner will lead to unlikely inspiration. Take some time to explore literature or another form of art for a lovely distraction.

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22 The longer you wait for something good to happen, the less likely you are to find it. Be proactive and go looking for those great times.

Mixing business with pleasure could be a good idea but use good judgment. A child or young person will look to you for advice. Be gentle.

LIBRA Sept 23–October 22 Celebration is almost certain at some point this month. It could be a quiet time or a blast, but either way, good things are in store for you. Show caution when planning things with friends and family. A misunderstanding could quickly lead to despair. Be an example of grace under pressure.

SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21 A fleeting hope of getting what you want may bring your spirits down. Do not fret, for something even better is always around the corner. Spend time with those who bring you up. The higher the your spirits, the better the surprise.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22– December 20.

Your instinct is to find a mistake and fix it quickly. But don’t get too worked up on any errors.

Getting caught with your pants down could be embarrassing but may actually provide some good laughs.

There is a great potential for discovering a new hobby this month.

CAPRICORN Dec. 21– Jan. 19 Fall into a good habit and see how much things can change.

Exercise or give up sore feelings; start putting yourself first. Thrusting into something positive is exactly what you need right now. A good opportunity could present itself in terms of work or education.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18 Jump for joy – the time has come! Your creative juices will be flowing and there is a good chance a creative endevor will pay off. Play as much as you can and enjoy unique pleasures, but be safe.

Something perplexing will be the source of a challenging mystery.

PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19 When asking for things, don’t neglect in giving something back in return. What goes around is bound to come around and you’ll find a greater reward by showing tangible appreciation. A good friend or close relative may confide a matter of great importance to you.

Listen with great interest. Q

CROSSWORD | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 49

november, 2013 | issue 224

ONLY AT

102 S 600 WEST SALT LAKE CITY 801-531-8727 THETRAPPSLC.COM

HALLOWEEN PARTY PRIZES FOR BEST COSTUMES! OCT. 26

Don’t Have a Cow ACROSS 1 Caesar’s admission of orgasm?

5 Big bangs 10 “Hamlet” quintet 14 Angers 15 Annoy during a blow job?

16 Peter Pan’s foe 17 Start of a quip about why lovers who move in no longer have sex 19 It comes before date?

20 Margaret Mead Made Me Gay author Newton 21 He did Jackie’s clothes 23 Holiday’s “___ Bless the Child” 24 Giant table 26 Male-on-male kissing target of Bugs 28 More of the quip 32 Dam agcy.

34 Something to build on 35 Triangular desert 36 Train track 38 Streisand’s Prince of Tides costar 41 Poet Teasdale 42 Laura of _ER_ 44 It follows Mardi Gras

46 South Beach souvenir 47 More of the quip 51 Bridge bid, briefly 52 “No ___, no foul” 53 “The Simpsons” storekeeper 55 Some of Sappho’s vowels 57 Firenze’s land 61 South Park composer Shaiman 63 End of the quip 65 Go, to the dogs 66 Lincoln Center’s Walter ___ Theater 67 Brother of Jermaine 68 Bars for gay chefs 69 Cut leaves of grass, marginally 70 Obey the red light

13 TV listings 18 Drag spikes 22 FBI workers, slangily 25 Memo start 27 Some of Mary’s lambs 28 Principal presentation for Stephen Pyles 29 Gent 30 Wang in fashion 31 Wolfson of Freedom to Marry 32 Chi-town’s paper 33 Weathercock 37 Clinton aide Panetta 39 Stage crew worker, briefly 40 Put into the backside?

43 Opponent of TinDOWN kerbell 1 Tarzan’s transport 2 Boy who shoots off 45 Rich cake 48 Uncut arrows 49 Extended credit 3 Candace Gingrich’s 50 Contents of a good half-brother 4 Atlas strips head 5 Hairy guy’s hide?

53 What guns shoot off 6 Morsel for a mare 54 Dancer Taylor 7 Guy that goes either 56 Deer guy way?

58 Brest milk 8 Composer Gustav 59 Keen on 9 Remington___ _ 60 Opposite a bottom 10 Palindromistís excla- 62 Margaret of this mation puzzle’s quip 11 Gather at the Cathe64 It may be Sapphic dral of Hope 12 The Tin Man’s best friend ANSWERS ON PAGE 54

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50 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | TRANSGENDER

Ruby Corado Continued from page 33

“I met Ruby,” he says. “She said, ‘I’m going to help you.’”

Trejo had never applied for asylum, attempted to finish his education, or sought psychological help to deal with his past.

Within a year, Corado introduced him to lawyers to help him apply for his visa and had him start counseling. He’s also pursuing his GED, and Corado gives him $500 a month to support him.

“I’m surviving right now,” Trejo says.

Earlier that week at Casa Ruby, I watched as Corado lavished compliments on a woman in sunglasses and a bobbed wig. She repeatedly told the woman, who seemed bashful, how terrific she looked.

Later, Corado explained that the woman had been attacked in a shelter. She flipped to a photo in her phone of the woman’s disfigured face right after the attack.

“They used Mace on her,” she said.

Between 1995 and 2005, seven transgender people were murdered in the District, according to a 2006 study from the Gender Policy Advocacy Coalition. That number is higher than any state during that period. Reported crimes against the trans* community have increased from five in 2009 to 11 in 2011. D.C.’s last trans* murder victim, Deoni Jones, was stabbed and killed at a bus stop near H Street NE in February 2012. Her murder has not been classified as a hate crime.

“If you look at the story of trans* people in D.C.,” Corado says, “it is not a pretty one.”

Corado hasn’t been immune to any of the perils of living as a trans* woman.

Though she worked at several real estate and rental agencies, Corado gave escorting a try about 10 years ago. Unlike many trans* women who resort to sex work as a way to survive, Corado did it as a way to meet men without having to explain her gender. “I didn’t have to say I was transgendered,” she says, “because when they saw me, they knew what I was.”

Her roommate at the time was working as an escort, and a client of hers offered Corado $500 for sex. Soon she was working with an agency, charging $300 for an encounter.

In 2006, Corado says, she met a man

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

who seemed like a white-collar type who followed the rules. “There are codes,” she says, and violence was against the code. “I had a boyfriend at the time,” Corado says.

“I saw this guy once every four months.

But in 2008, he got really obsessed.”

In December 2008, he broke into her apartment, beat her, and raped her, Corado says. She reported the attack, but the case was never prosecuted. She struggled to resume her normal life. “I just couldn’t deal with the fact that that had happened to me,” Corado says.

She left her day job and began using drugs. She ended up homeless in 2009, bouncing from one friend’s house to another. So used to being the one that people relied on for help, she felt unable to ask for help herself.

In 2010, a friend helped her find a place in a home for survivors of sexual trauma, and she eventually found an apartment of her own. She continued her advocacy and began collecting Social Security disability payments, but she struggled off and on with suicidal thoughts. Three years after her attack, Corado says, she had her last crisis. She checked herself into the hospital in 2011.

“I thought, I’m going to the hospital,” Corado says. “I don’t want to die like every other transgender on the street.” Her voice breaks.

Friends from the trans* community visited daily. “They said to me, ‘What are we going to do without you?’” Corado says. “The next day, I woke up and said, ‘I have to leave this hospital. I’ve got things to do.’”

Corado had tried and failed to launch a nonprofit in 2008, but she gave it another go in 2012 with new vigor. “I called 20 of my closest friends, and I said, ‘I’m going to try again,’” she says.

A year after launching, Casa Ruby boasts plenty of clients but not much cash. The 501(c)3 relies on Corado’s Social Security check, a few grants, and a modest list of donors. (The widow of a wealthy Adams Morgan supporter also left Casa Ruby some garden fountains, which sit on the back patio.)

“As we speak,” Corado says, “I owe the landlord $7,000.” She calls the landlord a “savior” and adds, “It’s one of those things.

I just can’t—I don’t even worry about it.”

It’s a slow Tuesday evening at Casa Ruby. A small group hangs out in the still-

light air, laughing and snapping pictures.

A young man walks by and apparently cannot resist making a snide comment about “real girls” to some of the trans*

Corado at Casa Ruby

women, but everyone ignores him. Suddenly shouting punctures the scene, and a young trans* woman bursts into Casa Ruby, a man hot on her heels.

Corado calmly jumps into the fray, which has moved to a back cubicle. The couple, a 19-year-old trans* client and her boyfriend, are fighting over something someone said on Facebook. The source of the quarrel might be silly, but the fight is real; the man had waited for his girlfriend to get off a bus before flinging a sandwich in her face and screaming at her. Corado can be heard mediating the conflict in a low, soothing voice. The man storms out of the office. His girlfriend, still smeared with the contents of a sandwich, follows him.

“You know that song, ‘We Found Love In a Hopeless Place’ by Rihanna?” Corado asks me with a sigh. “Well, this is it.” She adds, “You don’t throw a sandwich in someone’s face. Next time, it’s going to be a bullet.”

Corado says the couple has talked about getting married. It’s not a development she relishes, but if they decide to wed, she knows she can’t convince them otherwise.

Though Corado’s nonprofit doesn’t have the cash flow of other organizations that serve marginalized groups in town, Casa Ruby certainly doesn’t lack for action. “I always say I have what nobody has,” she says. “I have the clients.” Q Originally printed in Washington CityPaper. Reprinted with permission of the author.

november, 2013 | issue 224 | gaysaltlake.com

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52 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

mr. manners love so fast? For some reason I just want to skip the “getting to know each other” phase and be at the “boyfriends” one.

—Thanks, Crazy in Love

Crazy in Love

DEAR CRAZY IN LOVE,

BY ROCK MAGEN

Hello Mr. Manners, Dating in general is hard these days, but I think that in our, gay, world it’s even harder. It’s hard to meet a quality man, and once we do, in my case, my head goes crazy. I tend to fall for another person way too fast. I overanalyze things from the beginning without even knowing if I’m being liked back. That gets me into trouble because I just get super attached way too fast, and then find it hard to deal with the consequences of an unsuccessful relationship.

I am not sure what I am trying to ask, but I think it’s a general dating question.

What is a good way to telling someone you like them? When is too soon? How to control emotions and not to get crazy in

Give a Little

Slow Down Crazy, slow down.

As I read your letter, I smile because this is something that we all go through. So often we want to be in love that we forget about the fun of finding someone. In our current society one could argue that a “relationship” is the new “single,” but don’t force yourself into something that isn’t the best fit for you. Rather than trying to make it work with everyone, really decide what you want in a partner and go for it.

From the sound of it, you are just going after anyone who will give you attention.

To quote Lucille Ball, “It’s a helluva start being able to recognize what makes you happy.”

That being said, you need to be aware of when you tell someone you like them.

After your initial greeting is not the best time, but after a first date you can indicate that you are interested and would like to see him again. I have noticed there is

a game associated with dating. It is as if you have to act like you are not interested in the person to gain attention and vice versa. Honestly, I am no good at that game.

People will always know where they stand with me, and for some that scares them away. Who is to say which method is better – we al have different strengths, just know that whichever game you decide to play you need to stick to it! A poker player would not be happy playing Candy Land.

On a final note, too many times I have rushed into things thinking that the man in that moment could have been my Prince Charming. I do not regret those experiences and what I learned, but often expectation can kill any sort of progression. When we relax and let thing run their natural course, they tend to work out even better than we could have planned. So, Crazy in Love, reel it in. Slow down. Breathe. Think about the type of man you really want to love and let it just happen. Do not give up the chase completely, but like any good hunter knows, “Good things come to those who wait.” Q Email Rock at manners@qsaltlake.com

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A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 53

november, 2013 | issue 220

hear me out

OVED NEW & IMPR OUR BEST PROGRAM EVER!

Miley Cyrus, Haim MILEY CYRUS, BANGERZ

Goodbye, Hannah Montana; hello tongue-wagging, midriffbaring Miley Cyrus. Slipping out of her child-star skin, the infamous twerker leads a band of misfits to independence and self-empowerment on Bangerz, a fully realized breakout from Billy Ray’s former Disney-star daughter. She’s not so innocent anymore, and that’s the point.

At 20, Miley marks each song on her fourth release — from the single that launched her reinvention, “We Can’t Stop,” to the “edgy” vulgarities on “Do My Thang” — with the same defiance of the tattoo she got without telling her mom. It’s actually kind of ... liberating.

It’s just not all that surprising of a girl gone wild: “Love Money Party” — a song so straightforward it makes Ke$ha look like a code that needs cracking — is exactly what’s expected of a collection that has derived its name from the British word for sausage. Thankfully, Bangerz takes some interesting detours: “SMS,” featuring Britney Spears, is rooted in delicious Euro-house; “Adore You,” a strange way to launch and really kind of drudging, is sweet-sounding Cyrus, who parts the hardcore image for this vulnerable slow jam; “My Darlin’” is a bizarre-but-notbad, and shockingly moving, collaboration with rap emcee Future that works a “Stand by Me” sample into fuzzy synths and a booming bass line. Then there’s “4x4,” where old Miley lingers in the twang leanings of the track’s “Cotton-Eyed Joe” gallop. It’s weirder than watching her hold up a fat foam finger on the VMAs. And in the case of Bangerz and its coming-out celebration, weird is good — and sometimes, even damn inspirational.

Grade: B-

HAIM, DAYS ARE GONE The charm of sibling trio Haim — twentysomething hipster sisters inspired by all the best early ’90s music you’ve been missing — is just the half of it.

The fast-rising California girl group obviously knows their way around a spirited easy-onthe-ears melody, and the ones on their outstanding Days Are Gone are ready to take over the charts. The blog-buzzed “Forever,” originally released on EP last year, features Danielle Haim’s whipped phrasing, a frenzied sound and a handclap breakdown, all coalescing into a thrilling pop piece. Percolating underneath these grooves are the throwback sounds of TLC, Prince and the Eurythmics, yesteryear’s heavy hitters who — along with Fleetwood Mac — have clearly laid the foundation for Haim’s R&Btinged, classic rock-toned nu-folk. With the funkiness of a late ’80s jam, the title track — co-written with Jessie Ware, whose electro-soul presence just subtly shows up — sounds as awesomely old-school as it does new millennial. When the chorus comes, it’s as if Florence Welch went back a few decades and recorded one of the era’s biggest hits. A standout, certainly, is “Falling,” a punchy girl-power chant delivering an “if it gets rough, it’s time to get rough” mantra. And “The Wire,” with its vintage rock bop, is a sonic burst of divinity. Haim’s songs aren’t fussy, they’re not overproduced, and besides their obvious brilliance and infectiousness, what these girls do so well is making something new out of something old. Grade: AChris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBT wire service, and chris-azzopardi.com.

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54 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD

gaysaltlake.com | issue 224 | november, 2013

the perils of petunia pap smear

The Tale of Getting Drilled

BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR

The road

to eating a Tootsie Roll is fraught with danger and excitement.

It was 2 a.m. and I was driving through the desert of Nevada, trying hard to stay awake.

I had the window down, letting my hair blow in the wind, and was singing along with ABBA at the top of my voice. Just after a rousing refrain of “Dancing Queen,” I popped a Tootsie Roll in my mouth and proceeded to chew. (Point of interest – chewing Tootsie Rolls is an excellent work out to help develop the strong jaw muscles needed for other more personal oral entertainments.) To my horror, suddenly I became aware that my Tootsie Roll had something crunchy in it. I felt around with my tongue and realized that one of the crowns from my front teeth had been torn out by the suction of the candy. Thus, most of you may have noticed that I have been missing a very prominent tooth in front, which gave me a very embarrassing poor trash-esc smile. Therefore, when posing for photographs, instead of saying cheese and showing the missing tooth, I have been saying, “Oh” and looking surprised. Luckily, at this point

PUZZLE SOLUTIONS

in an aging queen’s life, holding my mouth in an open “Oh” position (if you know what I mean) is a matter of reflex, thus not a problem.

My dentist had quoted a cost of $4,000 to get an implant.

Being a queen with no dental insurance, and needing to conserve most of my funds to purchase hairspray, glitter and batteries by the gross, I went in search of a cheaper alternative.

I bought a case of Chiclets and kept placing one in the position of the missing tooth, but every time I would trip and fall off my heels, the resulting jarring action would cause the gum to fall out of place, once again leaving a gaping hole in my smile. Obviously a more permanent solution was in order.

I chose a new dentist after seeing a roadside billboard stating that he could give me and implant for less than half the cost of my previous dentist. I am always apprehensive when I go to a new dentist. Will he be nice? Will he be gentle? Will he tell stupid jokes? Will he give me nitrous oxide? Will he be cute?

I was nervous when I made my initial visit, because I hate going to the dentist. The assistant brought me back into

Cryptogram: I’LL ALWAYS FIGHT FOR EQUALITY, GOT MY OWN RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. 5 8 1 9 6 7 4 2 3 8 5 1 7 3 2 6 9 4

2 4 9 5 3 8 1 7 6 9 4 2 6 1 8 7 3 5

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Anagram: NEIL PATRICK HARRIS

the chair, and took some X-rays of my teeth. I was left alone for five long minutes, staring at the tray of torturous-looking dental instruments that I’m sure were leftovers from the Spanish Inquisition, wondering if having a complete smile was really going to be worth it.

My heart did an excited flip flop when around the corner, strode an Adonis of a man, with spiky strawberry blond hair and 5-day scruffy beard, wearing teal hospital scrubs. As God is my witness, he was wearing teal!

While he examined the X-rays of my teeth I was mesmerized as I watched his perfectly proportioned ass cheeks flex and ripple inside his surprisingly tight, form fitting scrub pants.

From that moment on, I’ve been in serious lust with my dentist.

He explained that I needed a whole lot of work and asked me if I wanted to watch the TV mounted in the ceiling. I quickly said no, preferring to stare into his piercing blue eyes while imagining what beautiful babies he and I could make together.

I began to quiver with anticipation as he gently massaged my cheeks while he shot my mouth full of Novocain. It didn’t hurt at all. He sat on a stool near my head. He then proceeded to drill me. For three hours he drilled me. Electric shocks of excitement shot through my body as his thigh occasionally brushed up against my shoulder.

Trying to be discrete, I slowly but surely moved my arm to the outer most edge of the arm rest, so as to help increase the frequency, quality and duration of the thigh encounters.

Over the course of about thirty

minutes, I was able to establish almost constant contact, and it seemed as if I was able to nestle my shoulder into his crotch.

The secret exhilarating thrill of forbidden sexual tension left me feeling absolutely no pain, but sweating profusely.

As with any prolonged encounter, he frequently needed to change positions, standing above me and moving about.

Often his shirt would drape over my face, wafting over me his sensual man scent. At one point, he needed to apply some force to a particularly stubborn tooth, and while doing so, he stood above me and my right cheek was pressed against his abs. Oh! My! God! His abs were as rock hard as my lips are after a Botox injection. It was all I could do to refrain from nestling into them, grabbing onto those magnificent buns, and licking like I was trying to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop. Eventually, over the course of many fantasy-filled sessions with my shoulder nestled snuggly in his magnificent nether regions, I once again have a complete smile.

As always, these events leave us with several burning questions: 1. Were they really shocks of excitement, or were my electric breasticles shorting out and electrocuting me?

2. Would there be a market for it if I published a Kama Sutra of the many different Dental positions?

3. Do you think he would have stopped drilling me if I had licked his abs?

4. Should I develop a line of AbPopsicles?

5. What should the belly button secret surprise in the center the Ab-sicle be made of?

6. Should I stop brushing and flossing my teeth to help insure many more dental visits?

These and other important questions to be answered in future chapters of: The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear.

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