QSaltLake February 2014

salt lake magazine

UTAH’S GAY, LESBIAN, BISEXUAL, TRANSGENDER AND ALLY

February 2014 Issue 228 GaySaltLake.com FREE

Love Issue The

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2 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

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4 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | STAFF

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6 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FIRST PERSON

Salt Lake is a village

extreme that they are simply nonsensical.

But in Salt Lake, there are genuinely good people. Most are in some kind of counter-culture, whether they are of a different race, religion or sexual orientation than the norm, or whether they are motivated by the peace movement, the environmental movement or the arts. Others are drawn in by mistreatment of people whom they love.

It is this last group that mostly makes this “the right place.”

We live in a community of allies. They are not

BY MICHAEL AARON just our allies, many are members of social justice when I am interviewed by organizations, they attend events to support causes out-of-town reporters and that may not affect them directly, they thrive on on-air personalities, one of the first questions is, the celebration of our differences rather than “why are you in Utah?” “tolerate” those around them.

I generally joke about the umbilical cord not In putting together a wedding reception that being long enough to be so far away from my ultimately drew 1,500 celebrants, most would think mother, but the truth is, I love Salt Lake City. I it would take a few months to pull off. love its people and I love its energy.

We pulled it off, with help from many allies, in I moved to Salt Lake in 1981, right from my 11 days. parents’ house to the University of Utah dorms.

But the best part is actually this: people heard Here, I found radicals and fighters and people about the event and came to us to support it. We with passion. But, not the kind of fighting and pasbarely put fingers to keypads on our phones. They sion that pits one against another and not the kind called us. that simply fights for the fight. I found people The first to come aboard was Le Croissant with real beliefs working to make their world a Catering.

Kelly Lake and her team have done better place. many events for our community, thousands of I have lived in the San Francisco Bay area dollars worth of time and food, doing so with twice. Both times, I left because their fight there a smile, and doing so with a creativity and style is so over, that they are simply fighting among that escalates the events to the next level. themselves. Their radicals have to be so far to the When an event planner found herself unable to make our timeline, Le Croissant’s Chris Sanchez stepped up and filled her shoes. (He looks great in stilettos, by the way.) He arranged for furniture and floral, designed the layout, arranged for a mammoth wedding cake, and found lighting to make it the centerpiece of the event.

Kristen Cold with Snow Blossom Bakery made the huge cake and many sheet cakes for the crowd.

Dennis Rowley of Attorney at Law MusicWerks spent many, many hours putting the audio and visual elements together. He brought on Precision Audio and Oasis StageWerks, who each donated tens of thousands in equipment rentals, even though Sundance was nipping Chris Wharton Law, LLC at their heels. Bob 10 W Broadway, Ste 500

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Abeyta agreed to be our audio engineer and, Derek Meik, who came to celebrate with the couples, simply stepped in and became a stage manager.

Rowley’s new husband helped set up, tear down and run the stage, all in black tie. Terry Gundersen helped get the equipment back on Monday.

Paul “DJ Pauly” Helms was in from the beginning as well and became a crowd favorite for the night. He kept people on the dance floor, tossing bouquets, trying dance steps and spent hours over several nights choosing just the right music for the night.

Both Otter Creek Duo and Lady Murasaki responded within minutes of a simple Facebook message asking if they’d like to be part of the event.

Charles Lynn Frost agreed to pull Sister Dottie S. Dixon out of hiatus for the show and was a fantastic host(ess).

A last-minute, “Wow, wouldn’t it be cool to have a searchlight for the event?” was handled within 10 minutes by Sean and Tara Willgues from Inflatable Promotions.

Kris Cantil of Kane Consulting called and offered to do security for the event, and the were fantastic.

Each donated their time to make sure the event went smoothly — and it did.

Mercedes Zel-Pappas of Utah Coop, Whole Foods Sugar House and Lee Williams ran the spotlight, D’Arcy Benincosa and Rowley both created videos for the event.

Leland Morrill helped with national promotion.

We had over 50 volunteers, managed by Bob Henline, who helped set up, run the show, tear down and come back on Monday to restage the Rail. Melissa Henline, Ken Henline, Craig Ogan, Jason Van Campen, Tad Wada, Mike Jones, Al Miller, Misty Fowler, Ben Williams, Billie Gay Larson, Christine Souliere, Elizabeth DeHart, Ann Clark, Mark, David Ivey, Debbie, John Edmunds, Harvest Daurelle, Ashton Levier, Matthew Blackham, Mary Jones, Michael Fife, Janet Rose, Robert E. Cross, Rhonda Martinez, Aaron Smith, Liesel Kelly, JP “Systeen” Lumapas, Krista Elliott, Whitney Lomax, Liz Maufas, Mary Raylene Alder, Lee Castillo, Jen Seals, Matt Andrus, Sam Seals, Brett Pehrson, Rory Thompson, Kestrel Spring Liedtke, Lorie Rogerson, Randy Glasscock, DeLacy Healey, Troy Hunter, Emma H., Lisa Westbrook, Sheree Ellis, Susan Lundeen, Madelyn Boudreaux, Whitney Lomax, Kristin Rushforth, Dan Christensen, Beverly Jean Amelia Smith, Vicki McKinney, David Hurst, Brandon Hurst, Nicole Hurst Smith, Laurie Simon, David Daniels, Rachel Farner, Nick Adelman, Thomas Peek, David Salazar, Kevin Johnson, Alana Anderson, Trina Suava, Charles Black, Cherl Merz, the Bud Boys and Girls, Ernie Fox of the Rail, our toasters and sponsors, and I hate that I am likely forgetting many more people, but I had to try. And a mention to those who paid to attend as a donation to Restore Our Humanity.

And that is why I love to live in Salt Lake City.

Thank you so much for your help. Q

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8 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Federal judge declares Utah’s anti-gay marriage laws and Amendment 3 unconstitutional District Judge Robert Shelby ruled on Dec. 20 that Utah’s constitutional amendment and other laws that bar same-sex couples from marrying violate rights to due process and equal protection as set forth in the 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

Over 1,300 same-sex couples married in the 17-days before the U.S. Supreme Court stayed the decision without comment.

Poll: Utahns favor nondiscrimination laws In a poll released Jan. 21 by The Salt Lake Tribune, 60 percent of Utahns surveyed support a statewide law that would prohibit discrimination against lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender citizens in the workplace. Also, 59 percent support similar protections in the housing market.

The debate has become more heated this year, with a coalition of anti-gay groups including The Sutherland Institute and Utah’s Eagle Forum buying huge amounts of air-time to run ads opposing non-discrimination.

Uganda president vetoes infamous anti-gay law Ugandan president Yoweri Museveni vetoed an anti-gay bill, approved by its parliament last month, that has become the most infamous of Africa’s growing wave of official attacks on homosexuality because it originally called for gays to be subjected to the death penalty in some cases. Homosexuality is already criminalized in Uganda, but the new bill would make the penalties much harsher.

Homosexuals in Uganda, including foreigners, have often been physically attacked, threatened, harassed or arrested for their sexual orientation. One prominent gay-rights activist, David Kato, was killed in his home in 2011 after a Ugandan newspaper published the names, addresses and photos of a number of gays, along with a headline reading “Hang Them.”

Utah Tax Commission: Same-sex married couples may file jointly In an update to the tax filing instructions on their website, the Utah Tax Commission is now saying that couples who were legally married as of Dec. 31, 2013 may file jointly if they do so on federal forms.

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

news The top things you should know happened last month (Full stories at gaysaltlake.com.)

“Same-sex couples who are eligible to file a joint federal income tax return and who elect to file jointly, may also file a joint 2013 Utah Individual Income Tax return as provided in Utah Code § 59-10-503.

Eligible married couples may file a joint return if they are married as of the close of the tax year,” the commission’s web site instructions read.

This is a reversal of an earlier ruling, where the commission said that legally married same-sex couples must complete a faux federal form and use figures from that form to complete their Utah forms.

GOProud founder leaves the Republican Party Former GO-Proud executive director and co-founder Jimmy LaSalvia announced Jan. 14 that he has left the Republican Party. The conservative gay rights activist announced the change on his blog, and tweeted, “Honestly, the @GOP should ask themselves, ‘How bad must it be if we’ve even lost Jimmy?’”

He also tweeted, “It’s time to focus my energy to help make our country better instead of trying to fix a dysfunction political party whose days are numbered.”

LDS leaders: no same-sex weddings, receptions at our churches To make sure their members know that “goin’ to the chapel and goin’ to get married” does not mean their chapels and their clergy for same-sex couples, leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints issued a statement Friday, Jan. 10.

“Church officers will not employ their ecclesiastical authority to perform marriages between two people of the same sex, and the Church does not permit its meetinghouses or other properties to be used

for ceremonies, receptions, or other activities associated with same-sex marriages.”

The statement did, however, say “all visitors are welcome to our chapels and premises so long as they respect our standards of conduct while there.”

Crowd rallies at the Utah Capitol telling Gov. Herbert to ‘Let It Stand’ More than 1,500 marriage equallity supporters rallied in the Utah State Capitol rotunda Jan. 17, the same day the Obama administration announced the federal government would recognize the same-sex marriages performed in Utah.

“What a momentous time this is for us today, because today’s decision by [U.S. Attorney General] Eric Holder recognizes that the protections in the Constitution are guaranteed to all Utahns,” activist Troy Williams told the crowd.

The crowd called on Herbert to let Shelby’s ruling stand and handed over petitions signed by more than 50,000 people that labeled Utah’s ban on same-sex marriages unconstitutional and decried the cost of the appeal.

Federal judge rules Oklahoma’s anti-gay marriage laws unconstitutional On Jan. 14, U.S. Senior District Judge Terence Kern ruled that Oklahoma’s ban on marriage equality is unconstitutional. His ruling is stayed pending appeal to the 10th Circuit Court of Appeals — the same court that Utah is appealing a similar ruling by U.S. District Judge Robert Shelby. Marriages will not occur immediately.

Kern, a Clinton appointee, has had the case before him since 2004. Two plaintiff couples, Mary Bishop and Sharon Baldwin and Gay Phillips and Susan Barton, filed their case, Bishop v. Oklahoma, in the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of Oklahoma in November 2004. Lead counsel in the case are Don Holladay and James Warner of the Oklahoma City law firm Holladay & Chilton PLLC.

ACLU to take Utah to court The national American Civil Liberties Union and the ACLU of Utah filed a lawsuit Jan. 21 on behalf of four same-sex couples whose marriages have not been recognized by the state of Utah, even though those unions were legal when they were performed.

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 9

february, 2014 | issue 228 | gaysaltlake.com

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10 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

17 days of same-sex marriage in Utah

BY MICHAEL AARON

Five days before Christmas, and 18 days before he promised to do so, U.S. District Court Judge Robert J. Shelby surprised everyone with a ruling on Kitchen v. Herbert, the challenge of Utah’s Amendment 3 and other anti-marriage equality laws. The judge ruled that the laws violate rights to due process and equal protection as set forth in the 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

State’s lawyers, perhaps not believing there was the slightest chance they would lose, had failed to request a stay of the ruling, just in case.

Within minutes, men and women and their same-sex partners were at the offices of their county clerks across the state requesting marriage licenses. And about 300 of those couples got them before close of day in Salt Lake and Washington Counties.

State’s lawyers, in a conference call with Shelby and attorneys for the plaintiffs — two lesbian couples and one gay male couple — made a verbal request for the judge to stay his decision pending an appeal. The judge said that policies and procedures of the court require a written request.

The state said one would be on his desk by the following Monday.

Meanwhile, the state tried twice over the weekend to get the 10th Circuit Court of Appeals to stay Shelby’s decision. That court refused both requests — the first time because state’s lawyers didn’t make the request properly, and the second because it was only

hours before Shelby would entertain arguments on the same motion.

On Monday, Dec. 23, lawyers on both sides met at 9 a.m. in the judge’s courtroom and laid out their arguments for and against a stay. State’s lawyers presented basically the same arguments they had made at the first hearing on Dec. 4, the arguments that Shelby ruled against. Plaintiffs’ lawyer, Peggy Tomsic of Magleby & Greenwood, P.C. in Salt Lake City, pointed that out to the judge and said her clients, and now 300 and growing other couples, would suffer if the ruling was stayed.

The judge agreed.

Gleeful couples filed into a line that ran through the corridors of all three levels of the Salt Lake County Complex.

The Weber County Clerk’s office expanded into a hotel across the street to accommodate hundreds of couples there. Tooele County had staff on-hand to issue licenses and a County Commissioner was ready to marry people. Davis and Washington Counties were also issuing licenses. Each of those counties had wedding officiants volunteering to marry people as they got their licenses. Everyone though the window of opportunity was going to be short before some higher court issued a stay.

Some counties, rather than issue licenses to same-sex couples, closed their doors altogether. Box Elder County put two sheriff’s deputies at the door to block same-sex couples from applying. Utah County simply denied same-sex couples, who threatened to sue.

The state went back to the circuit court with a third request for a stay. On Tuesday, Dec. 24, as clerks’ offices continued to issue marriage licenses, the 10th Circuit Court of Appeals again denied the state’s request, saying that state’s lawyers failed to convince them that they would win on appeal and that the state would be irreparably harmed should the marriages continue.

It took a week for state’s lawyers to file with U.S. Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor to request a stay.

That court did a week later, the morning of Monday, Jan. 6, ending the 17-day window for same-sex marriages in the state.

All eyes were on Utah, as the ruling was the first to come after the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling last summer against the so-called Defense of Marriage Act and its kicking back California’s Proposition 8 case to the lower court, allowing same-sex marriage in that state to resume.

Plaintiffs Derek Kitchen and Moudi Sbeity, Karen Archer and Kate Call, and Laurie Wood and Kody Partridge were thrust into the media across the world. And Utah’s lawyers

What do Utahns think? Depends on what poll you read A flurry of polls were released the second week of January on Utah’s opinions on same-sex marriage.

A Salt Lake Tribune-sponsored poll showed that Utahns were evenly split, at 48 to 48 percent, on whether same sex couples should be “allowed

were bashed as ineffective and bumbling.

The Utah Attorney General’s office, reeling from allegations of corruption and the resignation of John Swallow, determined that they would hire outside counsel to run the appeal, at a cost of $2 million.

The 10th Circuit Court of Appeals granted the state’s request for an accelerated briefing schedule, setting a deadline of Jan. 27 for the state to file its initial brief.

The state hired a Mormon appeals lawyer Gene C. Schaerr, a partner with law firm Winston & Strawn in Washington, D.C. to lead the appeal team, along with former Michigan Solicitor General John Bursch and founding president of the Marriage Law Foundation, Monte Neil Stewart, who helped draft Amendment 3, for the appeal.

The team’s first order of business was to ask for a 10-day extension to file their brief, even though the circuit court had clearly warned against such requests in it order.

The 10th Circuit Court of Appeals will also be hearing a case out of Oklahoma where District Judge Terence Kern, who used quoted Shelby’s ruling, declaring Oklahoma’s anti-gay marriage laws unconstitutional.

At press time, there has been no decision announced on the request for an extension, nor has a calendar been set in the Oklahoma case. Q to get state-issued marriage licences.”

A Deseret News poll by conservative pollster Dan Jones & Associates showed 36 percent support and 56 percent opposing same-sex marriage.

A third poll that used Google Consumer Surveys, showed that 51 percent of Utahns believed same-sex marriage should be legal, while 44 percent said no.

“I stand for equality under the law, for treating others how I want to be treated, for the fundamental human right to live a happy life free of tyranny.”

– Chris Kluwe PHOTO BY: JOE BIELAWA

So do we, Chris.

Featuring keynote speaker CHRIS KLUWE, professional football player, as well as special guests DENISE STAPLEY, winner of Survivor: Philippines, and MARK WHITE, bassist for the Spin Doctors, the American Atheists National Convention celebrates the diversity of the atheist community. Come out and be a part of the largest annual gathering of atheists in the United States, April 17-20, 2014 at the Hilton Salt Lake City Center.

Activist Training Workshops | 50+ Speakers | VIP Dinner | Art Show | Vendors Comedy Show | Costume Party | Live Music | Karaoke | Book Signings A portion of all proceeds from the Art Show will be donated to the Ogden OUTreach Resource Center, a resource for LGBT youth in need.

Learn more at www.atheists.org/convention2014

12 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

Who is Judge Robert Shelby?

For a judge

who would go on to make same-sex marriage legal in Utah, a deepred state where streets in the capital city are numbered by their distance from the Mormon temple, Robert J. Shelby took to the bench with enthusiastic praise from Republican leaders.

Shelby was born in Fort Atkinson, Wis., in 1970. He moved to Logan, Utah to attend Utah State University, earning a Bachelor of Arts, and going on to earn a Juris Doctorate from the University of Virgina School of Law in 1998.

Shelby was a specialist in the Utah National Guard from 1988 to 1996 and was a combat engineer in Operation Desert Storm. He spent the summer of 1997 as a clerk with the United States Attorney’s Office in Billings, Mont. The next two years he was a student prosecutor in Palmyra, Va., before becoming a law clerk to the Honorable J. Thomas Greene of the United States District Court, District of Utah.

In 2000, he joined the Salt Lake-based law firm of Snow Christensen & Martineau as an associate attorney, and taught at the University of Utah Division of Continuing Education. He then joined Burbidge Mitchell & Gross as a partner in 2005, and back to Snow Christensen & Martineau as partner in 2011.

Republican Orrin G. Hatch, a seventerm Utah senator, recommended him for a federal judgeship, calling him an experienced lawyer “with an unwavering commitment to the law.” Senator Mike Lee, a Tea Party Republican, said Shelby was “pre-eminently qualified” and predicted he would be an outstanding judge.

Now, less than two years since taking the bench, the same-sex marriage case has transformed Judge Shelby into a hero to hundreds of newlywed gay couples, and an object of derision for many social conservatives who supported Utah’s 2004 ban on such unions.

Gov. Gary R. Herbert (R), called him an “activist federal judge,” and state lawyers are already trying to have higher courts rollback the ruling, potentially undoing as many as 900 new same-sex marriages.

State officials are expected to ask the United States Supreme Court as early

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 13

february, 2014 | issue 228 | gaysaltlake.com

as Monday to halt same-sex unions that began minutes after Judge Shelby handed down his decision on Dec. 20, stating that Utah’s measure barring same-sex marriage violated the United States Constitution.

Utah leaders say the rush of marriages has sown “chaos,” and say they should be halted until the legal case is resolved. Judge Shelby has already refused to stay his own decision, and the United States Court of Appeals for the 10th Circuit also denied Utah’s request to stop the marriages.

Utah’s request will initially land with Justice Sonia Sotomayor, who oversees the 10th Circuit. She is expected to refer it to the entire court, and the justices could rule within days.

It was unlikely that the cacophony created by a man who quietly ascended through Utah’s legal ranks, mostly avoiding media attention, would revive a law that could taint his legal profession.

Judge Shelby, 43, lives in Salt Lake City with his wife and their two children. As a young man, he worked for Snappy Car Rental and was a night manager at a Maceys grocery store in Logan, Utah.

He spent his legal career in private practice, working on white-collar criminal defense, commercial law and serious personal injury lawsuits. He was a member of the defense team representing Olympic officials in Salt Lake City accused of bribery in the city’s efforts to win the 2002 Winter Games. In his Senate confirmation questions, he said he did free legal work for poor criminal defendants — usually about two cases a year.

“So many people thought he was so good, just brilliant,” said Andrew Morse, president of Snow Christensen & Martineau, the firm where Judge Shelby had been a shareholder when he was nominated to the bench. “He’s just easy to get along with, always says the right thing.”

He was active in the state and local bar associations, and was a leader in a group that mentors young trial lawyers. But he largely stayed out of the spotlight and away from politics. In 2010, he and his wife gave a $50 contribution to a Republican candidate for the State Legislature — the only political donation found in state and national campaign-finance databases.

Former colleagues said they did not know his religious background. The judge did not respond to emails and a phone call requesting an interview.

His answers to questions about empathy in judges, and whether judges should protect the “little guy,” are as mild as a glass of milk. “I believe it is the judge’s responsibility to reach decisions based exclusively on the application of established precedent to the specific facts presented,” he wrote.

But this month, when it was time to decide a case brought by three gay couples challenging Utah’s ban on same-sex marriage, Judge Shelby appeared to be moved by their stories. In his 50-page ruling, he repeated the stories of how each couple met and fell in love, referring to them not only as plaintiffs or by last name, but as Derek and Moudi, Karen and Kate, Laurie and Kody.

He wrote that Utah’s voter-approved ban on same-sex marriage violated the Constitution’s guarantees of equal protection under the law, and said that the ban denied gay and lesbian couples “their fundamental right to marry.” Q

14 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

Program launched to reduce LGBT youth homelessness in Utah The issue of homeless youth in Utah is growing. In 2012, about 1,500 unaccompanied youth experienced homelessness in Utah, according to a study by the State of Utah Housing and Community Development Division. Of this population, national statistics show that 40 percent self-identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender and almost 70 percent of those report being rejected by their families, often with them being kicked out of their homes.

Many of these kids are too young to be accepted at shelters, and the older ones generally find shelters to be an unsafe environment. Few qualify for foster care, and

Q mmunity Utah AIDS Foundation Red Carpet Gala The red carpet will be rolled out once again for the Utah AIDS Foundation’s 25th annual Red Carpet Gala. The night is always full of glitz and glamor as the Academy Awards show is broadcast on large screen TVs and a veritible who’s who of Utah mill about the audience.

Dress code is black tie optional with festive attire encouraged. Funky Hollywood glitz, movie-themed or movie-inspired costumes, Hollywood glamour, movie star hip casual are generally found, but many people simply dress comfortable and have fun. Proceeds to benefit the Utah AIDS Foundation.

In 2012, Marian Edmonds of OUTreach talked to leaders of Mormons Building Bridges about the problem, and what they might do together to work on it. From that discussion came the Safe and Sound Program to reduce LGBT youth homelessness in Utah. The program is using preventative measures of intervention and education to achieve its goals.

The first pressing problem Safe and

Sound seeks to treat is LGBT youth being kicked out of their homes. They are hoping to intervene, provide a temporary home for the youth, and attempt to reunify the family where that makes sense.

To do this, Edmonds hopes to find host homes across the state where youths can stay. A large network of referrers needs to be in place to know when youths are facing a crisis. There is also a need for volunteer counselors for the youth and the families, as well as volunteers to help organize the effort.

“We have plans for doing all these things, but we can’t do them by ourselves,” Edmonds said.

Over the longer term, Edmonds believes that education is the better way to reduce LGBT youth homelessness. There are two pillars of Safe and Sound’s educational message: the scientific work of the Fam-

WHEN: Sunday, March 2, 2014, 5pm WHERE: Rail Event Center, 235 N 500 West TICKETS: 801-487-2323 or utahaids.org

Ski, Snowboard, Snowshoeing & Lunch MORE INFO: Ski-N-Swim.org

the foster care system has difficulty placing LGBT youth. Service agencies like OUTreach Resource Centers and Volunteers of America find that the only ervices they can provide are a tent and sleeping bag.

BUILDING A SOLUTION

QUAC Ski-N-Swim Ski-n-Swim 2014 is not just for swimmers but for everyone. Beginning with an opening social Friday night, moving to a swim meet on Saturday morning and a group dinner that evening. They will be skiing on Sunday and taking advantage of the spa at Snowbird.

FRIDAY, FEB. 14, 7pm, Judge Cafe Opening Social After party at Club Jam SATURDAY, FEB. 15, Fairmont Aquatic Ctr Swim Meet 9am Bleacher seats are free for those who cheer.

7pm Group Dinner, Gallivan Ice Rink 9:50pm After party at Metro SUNDAY, FEB. 16, Snowbird

Discount Tickets to ‘Bring It On — The Musical’ benefit Cheer Salt Lake Cheer Salt Lake has special discount prices for the Feb. 25 showing of Bring It On — The Musical, the story of the challenges and unexpected bonds formed through the thrill of extreme competition. With a colorful crew of characters, an exciting fresh sound and explosive dance with aerial stunts, this all new story is sure to be everything you hoped for and nothing like you expected. The New York Times calls it, “Impossible to resist!”

Go to broadwayinutah.com/cheer and enter the code CHEERSALTLAKE to get the discount.

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 15

february, 2014 | issue 228 | gaysaltlake.com

ily Acceptance Project at San Francisco State University and the fact that 60 percent of Utah’s population is Mormon.

Dr. Caitlin Ryan and her team at the Family Acceptance Project have spent decades studying the relationship of family attitudes toward LGBT youth to outcomes for the youth such as suicide, homelessness, illegal drug use, and contraction of sexually transmitted diseases. Based on their data, they have prepared booklets that teach families how they can protect their children through acceptance, even in the context of conservative religious belief systems.

In particular, there’s an LDSspecific booklet that has been positively reviewed, though not officially endorsed, by church authorities.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has published a website at ­MormonsAndGays.org that, while not without its flaws in the eyes of the LGBT community, makes it very clear that LDS caregivers should not be rejecting and ejecting LGBT youth. Edmonds finds this to be an extremely beneficial message in the effort to reduce LGBT youth homelessness in Utah, but worries that it has yet to receive significant church publicity within the state. Safe and Sound and Mormons Building Bridges are both working to help spread

the word.

Don R. Austin, LCSW

WAYS YOU CAN HELP “I know many people would like to help Safe and Sound in its mission to reduce LGBT youth homelessness in Utah,” said Edmonds. “To facilitate that process, we’ve created the Friends of Safe and Sound list, and we’d like people to join.”

After joining, volunteers will receive a link by email to a private page where they can fill out additional information.

Information is not shared outside the organization and only important private information is asked.

Safe and Sound also has a Facebook page at tinyurl.com/ SafeSoundUtah to find the latest news and events.

If you are interested in becoming a host family, you can learn more about the requirements and process at the group’s web site, ­safeandsoundutah.org.

Those wanting to reach out to their local LDS leaders can find a brochure on the web site as well. More materials targeting other groups are being developed.

Also, people can donate to OUTreach Resource Centers to help fund the project at ­outreachresourcecenters.org.

More information on the program bacn be found by calling 801-923-2419, emailing info@safeandsoundutah.org or by mail at 705 23rd Street, Ogden, UT 84401. Q

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16 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

Utah Pride Center’s promises remain unkept

BY BOB HENLINE

On October 28, 2013, citing a financial crisis, the Utah Pride Center laid off two of its directors and cut salary and benefits for other staff members. In response to public outcry, Pride hosted several “talking circle” meetings with the community, ostensibly to gain input from concerned community members and to communicate their plan to rectify the problems and put Pride back on firm financial ground.

During those meetings several promises were made to the community. However, as time has elapsed and the initial anger subsided, many of those promises remain unfulfilled.

COMMUNITY MEETINGS Then acting board president John Netto, who has since been elected by the board to that position, indicated several times that the meetings would continue at least monthly, but it is now mid-January 2014 and there hasn’t been a meeting with the public since early November. None are currently scheduled. In a telephone conversation with QSaltLake, Utah Pride board member Jesse Nix indicated that he felt the community meetings were unnecessary as board meetings are open to the public.

FINANCIAL STATEMENTS In the meeting on October 30, 2013, Netto promised both the community and QSaltLake that financial statements for

Utah Pride would be available within 30 days. At a board meeting on Dec. 3, Netto indicated that the statements would not be released until sometime “early next year,” after an audit had been performed on the statements.

In a phone conversation with QSaltLake on Dec. 30, Netto indicated that the auditors were finishing their work and statements would be available “within a few days.” In a follow-up email on this topic QSaltLake asked if the financials were available, to which Netto replied, “NO!!!”

He also denied making the statement and characterized QSaltLake‘s follow-up on the financial statements as “harassment.”

In an email of Jan. 12, Netto indicated that they had “just completed the detail review of all capital campaign donations and reported the results to the Capital Campaign Committee.” QSaltLake‘s request for a copy of this report was answered with “YES. We will make a few adjustments with input from the Capital Campaign and you can review the internal report.”

As of press time on Jan. 17, this adjusted internal report has yet to be made available to QSaltLake.

TRANSPARENCY One of the primary complaints aired during the public meetings was a lack of transparency about Pride Center operations, as well as financials. Board member Jesse Nix was tasked with preparing a

“transparency plan,” which has since been posted on the Utah Pride website. The UPC board’s actions, however, belie this announced commitment to transparency.

Utah Pride’s staff members have all been required to sign a non-disclosure agreement, ostensibly to protect confidential matters. Many organizations require staff to sign such documents in order to protect business secrets or confidential information, especially in regard to clients and volunteers. This document, however, seemingly goes well beyond that usual scope and, according to Netto, includes a provision prohibiting disclosure of what is actually contained in the document and policy. Netto refused to release a copy of the agreement on the grounds that Pride’s violation of that clause could invalidate any claim against an employee who may violate the terms of the agreement.

Netto further indicated that the document was under review for appropriateness and/or legality, but rushed to have employees sign what they had available because no such non-disclosure was in place for staff. He clarified that UPC policy prohibits staff from discussing “confidential Center matters” with the press, but did not elaborate on what constitutes a “confidential” matter. Based upon his statements regarding the non-disclosure agreement, it seems that Center policy falls into the the Board of Directors’ definition of a confidential matter.

SAGE UTAH The final promise made centers around the SAGE Utah program. SAGE is a program for the aging lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender population and provides both

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 17

february, 2014 | issue 228 | gaysaltlake.com

Winner

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“Best Chiropractic Clinic”

Danielle Watters to all staff referenced the “former SAGE Advisory Board” and indicated that an MOU would not be forthcoming.

When questioned about this email, Netto responded with, “I think someone on the staff concluded inaccurately that because some folks from the Sage Advisory Board stated they would not participate if they did not have full control, that we would have no choice but to disband the leadership under that threat. Jerry [Buie]’s email to me states that position. This is very destructive commentary from there [sic] board members and serves to undermine the negotiation process. I have made it clear that we will not give up ownership of the brand or program.

I also believe there is lots of room for the Sage leadership to exercise control without ownership.”

Buie, referenced in Netto’s reply, denies sending any such “destructive” email. When further questioned, Netto refused to release a copy of this alleged email, citing his desire to not proceed with these negotiations in a public forum.

That tone, however, seems to have changed. In an email to Jerry Buie on Jan. 15, Netto indicated that he believes all of the SAGE requests can be accommodated. A meeting between the Utah Pride Executive Committee and members of the SAGE Advisory Board has been scheduled and the SAGE Board has been given a spot on the agenda of the next Utah Pride board meeting, scheduled for Jan. 27. Q

We’ve got your back! © 2014 The Joint Corp

community and service support for LGBT seniors. The SAGE community was the most vocal following the layoffs, as one of the terminated employees was Charles Lynn Frost, the SAGE director at Utah Pride.

At the very first public meeting the Pride board committed to working with the SAGE Advisory Board to draft a Memorandum of Understanding between Utah Pride and SAGE Board. Over the course of the past few months there have been several meetings and drafts and redrafts of this MOU, but a final version has yet to be approved.

The SAGE Advisory Board has requested more autonomy from Utah Pride, while working within the structure to increase community building.

The key elements of discussion center around promises made to them during the public meetings and the follow-up meetings between the SAGE Board and representatives of the Utah Pride board: access to their email list, a separate bank account exclusively for SAGE programming and events, SAGE representation on the Utah Pride board, “seed money” from Pride to help rebuild the SAGE program, and a designated employee with a set number of hours dedicated to SAGE each week.

It seemed, as recently as last week, that the relationship between the SAGE Advisory Board and Utah Pride would crumble. An internal communication at Utah Pride, sent

by Director of Community Support & Wellness Services

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18 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

views

“

What a week for the politics of sexual radicals! State lawyers in the Utah Attorney General’s office have no clue what they’re defending when it comes to marriage and family.

State attorneys, like most uninterested government lawyers on any matter out of their comfort zone, settled on a narrow strategy to simply argue that marriage is state law. Well, again, thanks to their ineptness, it’s not any longer

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

reader quotes from january

– Paul Mero, president of the ultra-conservative, very anti-gay Sutherland Institute

“

“I am glad this judge ‘nullified’ my vote. My vote was wrong and I am glad this judge saw the injustice that sixty-six percent of us Utahns did by voting for this flawed Amendment. As a Utahn, American and Veteran I stand proud of our judicial system and the checks and balances that protect every American.

“

– Unknown commenter

“Utah’s gays and lesbians marrying flies in the face of traditional Utah marriage between a man and a woman … and another woman … and another woman … and 3 more – Anonymous

“

“We are all created equally under God and our U.S. Constitution provides that privilege as a US citizen. We should be allowed equal protection of marriage just the same as Mormons. Acceptance, love and unity will go farther than control and hate. – Christopher Wood

“ “

“It’s like Black Friday for gay people – MickieVee Cochrane

“We are eternally grateful for the judge’s decision that allowed us to marry and celebrate our 12 years together!

– William Fung-Schwartz

QSaltLake Magazine welcomes your letters to the editor.

Please send your letter of 300 words or less to letters@qsaltlake.com.

We reserve the right to edit for length or libel if a letter is chosen for publication.

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 19

february, 2014 | issue 228 | gaysaltlake.com

the straight line

17 days in Utah

BY BOB HENLINE

On Dec.

20, 2013, United States District Judge Robert Shelby issued his ruling on the case of Kitchen v. Herbert, declaring Utah’s Amendment 3 unconstitutional. That afternoon, the floodgates opened and gay and lesbian couples swarmed County Clerk offices across the state to file for marriage licenses.

Those same floodgates were shoved closed on Jan. 6, 2014, when the United States Supreme Court granted a motion by the State of Utah to stay that decision, pending appeal to the 10th Circuit Court of Appeals. The stay stopped new marriage licenses from being issued, but did not invalidate, or even rule on, the marriages that took place during that 17day window.

For 17 days some 1,360 Utah gay and lesbian couples had a small taste of legal equality, for 17 days they were allowed to enter into the legal state of marriage.

The couples who swarmed into various County Clerk offices had run the entire spectrum of demographics. From age 18 to 80+; male, female

and transgender; lesbian, gay, and bisexual; and virtually every ethnicity. Some of those couples had been together for mere months, others for years, and some for decades — none of them had expected that 2013 would be the year they would legally be able to marry in, of all places, Utah.

For 17 days Utah’s LGBT community had had a taste of equality, a snippet of what most of us take for granted every day. I say a taste because my wife and I were married by the Salt Lake County Clerk office, but we didn’t have to spend hours in line. We didn’t need to drop everything and rush down in fear of having that window closed on us by the governor, attorney general, or some higher court.

For 17 days the scales of justice tipped toward balance.

More than 1,000 couples were able to create legally-recognized families for the first time, families whose legal status is now in limbo pending another ruling, but that are recognized by the federal government and the State of Maryland.

For 17 days the State of Utah inched closer to the promise

of America, the promise that we are all free and equal under the law.

For 17 days we were a better state, participating in creating a “more perfect union.”

For 17 days love and justice triumphed over bigotry and discrimination.

For 17 days, we separated church from state in one facet of our political lives.

The great Leonardo DaVinci once said, “For once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you will long

to return.”

For 17 days this community tasted flight, and we refuse to be bound to the land again. This emotional flight was brought into sharp focus at the Love Elevated event of Jan. 11, as nearly 2,000 people came together to celebrate life, love and equality.

We tasted the skies that night, we tasted freedom and equality and now we will all continue to look skyward and fight to return to that place of equality and liberty.

Seventeen days in Utah, 17 days to help shape a better future for us all. Q

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20 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

guest editorial

Finding home

BY SALLY FARRAR

As I stood

in line for a Utah marriage license, I didn’t feel excited, hopeful, or joyful. In fact, I felt pathetic, foolish and less than. When I turned to look at the beautiful woman standing next to me, the woman who has been standing by my side for 27 years, I felt a sense of overwhelming sadness. She ... we ... deserved better than what we were doing.

Our love and family deserved better than desperately standing in line in the freezing cold hoping a door would open, literally and figuratively. We were standing in line with hundreds of people, yet, my heart and soul felt so very heavy.

My thoughts were suddenly jolted as my phone rang. I answered, “Hi baby.”

“Hi Mom. Ya’ll getting married?”

“Well son, we are in the line waiting.” I didn’t want to say more as the excitement in his voice was so innocent and sweet.

“I’m hungry,” he said.

As an 18-year-old boy, his mind was focused on only a few needs.

“Okay,” I said. “Have your sister pick you up food on her way to the house.”

“Okay Mom, love ya.”

“Love you buddy,” I replied. “See ya soon.”

After the call, an overwhelming sense of disappointment and and old familiar despair began to enter my thoughts. I would once again have to explain to our children that while God loved our family, there are still people on Earth who do not understand His love and compassion. So often we are asked, “Why do you live in Utah?”

That answer is simple: Utah is our home.

I am Mormon, while Brenda, my partner, is Catholic. We have no spiritual home, as our religions remain firm in their beliefs denying rights to their gay members.

The truth is we love Utah and the culture. We love the people. We don’t drink, we don’t smoke, and we love raising our kids here. We fit in nicely except we happen to be two women in love.

My toes were freezing standing in line and my thoughts traveled back to last

month and a phone call I had received from our daughter.

“Hey Mom.” “Hey baby girl. I had replied.

“Bryce and I got our marriage license!”

“Finally, the wedding is in two days! Did it take you long?”

“Nope. Just walked right in.”

How ironic that last month we had celebrated our daughter’s legal marriage.

We proudly walked our daughter down the aisle in front of 400 guests where a Mormon Bishop married her and Bryce.

The ceremony was beautiful.

I was brought back to the present as my phone rang.

“Hey Mom.” “Hey baby girl.”

“Are ya’ll almost done?” My daughter asked.

“Well, this is taking a bit longer. Can you let everyone know we are delayed?”

“Okay, but hurry. Love you.”

“I love you, too,” I replied.

My thoughts were filled with frustration. My family had planned to make Christmas cookies. It was upsetting that chasing a marriage license had taken away our family time. It was not fair and was wrong in so many ways.

Finally, the clerk’s door opened and cheers erupted. But the cheers quickly turned to moans as we are all turned away and told to come back Monday morning.

Humiliated, I grab Brenda’s hand and say, “Let’s go.”

On the long drive home we discussed Judge Shelby’s ruling and its legal significance. When silence replaced our words, my mind wandered. I thought about the state’s legal argument denying same-sex couples the right to marry and how they claim studies show that children are better off with a biological mother and father.

What studies, and who’s included in them? My family has never been studied or evaluated and we have two straight children—who, of course, we think are amazing. Okay, my biased thoughts aside.

Our daughter just married an amazing man and is in her final year of college as a biochemistry major. She is beautiful from the inside, out. She is smart, caring, loving and has a great sense of humor.

Our son is compassionate, kind and truly funny. He is an incredible athlete who received a scholarship offer to play collegiate baseball next fall.

Let’s be honest They are really here. My life has good kids by societal standards been way more and both are difficult being straight.

I, on the gay than my other hand, children’s lives. was raised by straight parents. In fact, my father was a Mormon Bishop, Stake President, and Mission President; and, straight Catholic parents raised Brenda. We were raised in an “optimal situation,” but both of us are gay. So if being gay is ‘bad’ ... an abomination, and allowing gay people to marry will destroy marriage and society, then producing gay children must be considered bad and undesirable as well. Our union produced two well-adjusted straight children. Our parents’ unions produced two gay children. Certainly, producing gay children is a detriment to society and traditional marriage, right?

Let’s be honest here. My life has been way more difficult being gay than my children’s lives. I have faced trials and obstacles that I never thought possible to overcome. I spent hours praying and counseling with church leaders. I had been ‘saved’ at my friend’s church. I tried everything to become straight, but to no avail.

Alternatively, my children who are a product of a gay relationship are straight and have it much easier than we ever had.

So suffice it to say in this scenario, the best interest of the children was to be raised by a gay couple.

I hope you see this rationale is absurd.

While this country, and Utah, determines

february, 2014 | issue 228 | gaysaltlake.com

LGBT people’s legal rights and equal protections, please include my children in these studies. Please consider all the straight parents who produce gay children.

Freedom of religion and freedom of speech remain in place to protect religions and their members’ beliefs. These freedoms provide religions the ability to deny my religious right to marry the person I love, but it does not provide religions the right to deny my legal right to marry.

I choose to be judged by my god, not people. I choose to live in a country where legal rights and equal protections are applied to all people.

Legal marriage should remain about legal rights not religious definitions.

The Constitution unequivocally protects the right to freedom of religion, and yet it is very clear that the separation of Church and State is an intricate part in a democracy.

While marriage is a spiritual act in religion, it is a legal act in governing. The government must provide legal rights and protections under the law equally to all people.

Religions do now and can continue to deny gay members rights. Religions remain divided on the definition of marriage and treatment of their gay members and that is their right to do so. The government must allow legally defined marriage equally to all citizens because that is its duty to do so.

My heart is heavy, and I am tired. I’m tired of hearing

that children are better off raised by a man and a woman.

The studies undeniably show children who are raised by loving, supportive parents, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation, are welladjusted children. Our children are proof.

Moreover, the fact I am gay is not a result of my environment, as five of the six siblings raised by my parents are straight. I was created from the same DNA and the same god and I am gay. God created me just as He did my brother and sisters. God does not create mistakes, and I am not a mistake. I am a product of two amazing, loving parents who believe in God, the Bible, morals and standards, and who raised me to believe the same.

They did not fail by producing me.

We have raised two children by the same standards and beliefs. We had to raise them without the loving support a religious institution and congregation can provide. We never found a home or felt welcome in our place of worship. We taught our children they are children of God who are loved and are to serve Him and honor Him. We were not legally recognized, so we had to tell our children that our relationship and our family are valid and real despite our denied legal rights.

I have always known in my heart and head there would come a time when we would find legal recognition and spiritual acceptance. The time is now. Q

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 21

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22 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

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BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI

We can

all sleep easier now knowing that it is still a huge pain in the ass for transgender people in New Jersey to amend their birth certificates.

Hero Governor Chris Christie vetoed a bill that would have allowed transgender people to have their birth certificates reflect their actual gender without having to undergo the big “sex change operation.”

It’s important to note that not all trans people have had or want to have gender reassignment surgery. This is something a lot of non-trans people do not understand.

At all. But such surgery is super-duper expensive and rarely covered by insurance.

Not only that, but getting all intimate with a doctor’s scalpel is serious stuff with the possible negative effects any surgery carries, including possibly eliminating sexual sensation. Not to mention the fact that some trans folks would still like to have kids, thank you very much, regardless of the physical manifestation of their kidmaking parts.

Now, for folks who are not trans, Christie’s veto might not seem like a big deal.

And in the grand scheme of things, it isn’t.

This is an issue that impacts a very small number of people and most of the folks in New Jersey have not had their lives changed one bit by Christie’s veto.

Of course, one could also make the

Embracing the health & resilience of our community

argument that since this bill, in fact, would directly impact such a small number of people, vetoing it is a pretty shitty thing to do. What this bill would have done is afford an additional shred of decency to the way we, as a society, ultimately treat trans people. This is a population that is discriminated against in so many ways and whose very existence is either completely denied or held up as an example of perversion by the anti LGBT right.

But Christie says no.

“Unlike many other states, New Jersey already has an administrative process in place to streamline applications to amend birth certificates for gender purposes without court order,” Christie’s veto statement reads. “Under the proposal before me, however, the sponsors seek to alter the amended birth certificate application process without maintaining appropriate safeguards.”

It’s true. New Jersey is better than many when it comes to amending birth certificates. But why should trans people have to settle for Christie’s definition of “good enough?”

And what are the “appropriate safeguards” Christie is referring to? Well, he doesn’t want to see people amending their birth certificates left and right in order to do terrorism or whatever.

“A birth certificate is an important legal document,” Christie offers helpfully.

“Birth certificates are often required to complete myriad security-related tasks. Accordingly, proposed measures that revise the standards for the issuance of amended birth certificates may result in significant legal uncertainties and create opportunities for fraud, deception, and abuse, and should therefore be closely scrutinized and sparingly approved.”

That’s right. All of these “trans” people are probably just a bunch of scammers.

And Christie should know a scammer when he sees one, am I right? Heck, with all of his talk about “fraud, deception, and abuse,” I thought he was talking about his own administration rather than using his veto power to further discriminate against a vulnerable minority population. Q

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 23

february, 2014 | issue 228 | gaysaltlake.com

a mom’s view A few months ago I was invited to attend the Gay Writes Community Writing Club sponsored by Salt Lake Community College. We meet the second and fourth Monday at 6:30 p.m., SLCC Community Writing Center, 210 East and 400 S, Suite 8, Salt Lake City, UT 84111. This group is open to the LGBT community and allies. There are poets, fiction, nonfiction, a lot of variety. Members get feedback and help on their writings; it has helped me a great deal with writing my articles. Please join us.

Leesa@LeesaMyers.com

Being Change

BY APPIO HUNTER

I first

heard of the landmark decision to overturn Utah’s Proposition 3 from a friend in Florida who emailed me congratulations. I had not read or watched the news that week, so I was speechless when I got the email. My surprise quickly turned to joy as I thought of the thousands of same-sex couples who would finally benefit from the full civil liberties enjoyed by their traditionally married counterparts. That joy later turned to anger however, when I read the visceral reactions and scathing commentaries by defenders of the status quo.

What provoked my strongest reaction was the Deseret News’ editorial, “Judicial Tyranny.”

My knee-jerk reaction was, “Judicial tyranny? Really? What about the religious tyranny that we’re subjected to every day? Why was the LDS Church so quick to issue a statement defending marriage inequality, when their only reaction to the ruling invalidating portions of Utah’s bigamy law was a muted ‘historical perspective on polygamy?’” I continued like that for nearly an hour, listing a host of contradictions and hypocrisies before I finally calmed down. I then took the time to evaluate my reaction, and I was forced to ask myself a difficult question: If I react with intolerance, anger, and hatred, how am I any better than those who use those same emotions to divide our society?

I didn’t like the answer.

We see examples all around us of what happens when hatred is met with hatred, or anger is met with anger. Suicide bombings, mass shootings, or a Congress more interested in pointing fingers than actually solving problems. Yes, we need courageous individuals like Judge Shelby to stand up

to those who would oppress their fellow human beings. Yes, unjust laws exist that are motivated by misunderstanding and fear. But when we respond to anger with anger, then we only continue the cycle.

Mahatma Gandhi is often misquoted as saying, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” The real quote is less dramatic, but still just as impactful. He said, “If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him … We need not wait to see what others do.” I’m grateful for that quote, because it helped me to reflect on my own reality.

How can I hope to see my fellow human beings show love and acceptance toward everyone if I don’t show that love and acceptance first? If I choose to point my finger, then I should look at the three fingers pointing back at me. Those fingers are an invitation to reflect on my reactions, and to reflect on the changes I want to see. If I truly want to live in a world of acceptance, tolerance, compassion, understanding and love, then I need to BE acceptance, tolerance, compassion, understanding, and love.

Fortunately, many within the LGBT community have already demonstrated those qualities as they respond to the more extreme reactions to Judge Shelby’s ruling. If we, as part of a wider community of like-minded individuals, do the same, then we will live in the world we desire.

I believe that those who would seek to create a less equal class of citizens are motivated by fear. It is therefore my hope that we will do our best to understand the source of their fear. Let us respect those who disagree with us, and let us love them.

Attitudes change and perceptions shift when we take the time to understand others. That is how we will create lasting change. Q

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24 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

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Wedded limbo

BY CHRISTOPHER KATIS

For 17

amazing days gay men and lesbian women crowded in county clerk offices around the state waiting for hours, or days, just to pay a fee and receive a piece of paper allowing them to get married. It’s a right most of us would argue is pretty fundamental.

Less than three weeks later, the Supreme Court of the United States issued a stay on any additional marriages while the case works its way through the courts, leaving thousands of Utahns in limbo. The state rushed to declare that it will not recognize the marriages, while U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder announced that the federal government would.

So what does it all mean to married gay men and lesbian women — especially those with children? I spoke with a couple of folks about what we need to do in this state of wedded limbo.

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Just after I originally submitted this column, the State of Utah backed down from its earlier insistence barring samegender married couples from filing jointly.

According to my tax person, “Usually, the information from the Federal return flows down to the State return. Had the state not allowed same-gender married couples to file jointly, ‘dummy’ returns would have had to be completed to obtain the correct information. It would have meant extra work, likely cost more to prepare, and potentially may have had tax consequences.”

It’s important that your tax preparer is aware of the State’s change of heart, and understands that gay married couples have the same filing choices as opposite-sex couples. It’s also probably a good idea to get your taxes done sooner rather than later to avoid any potential issues.

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I also spoke with our financial planners, Jimmie Miller and Trenton Christensen.

They have had our financial backs since we returned to Utah.

They suggest lesbian and gay couples do the following: 1. Have an appropriate estate plan at

all times. That includes all the documents necessary to protect your own rights/ wishes and each other. That may include a will or trust, Advanced Directive, Durable Powers of Attorney, HIPAA releases and Hospital Visitation Authorization. Investing in a qualified attorney is well worth the expense.

2. Get legal documentation allowing noncustodial parents the right to care for and travel with children. Kelly and I are both custodial parents, but beIt’s a right most cause of Utah’s ban on gay and of us would second-parent argue is pretty adoptions, many kids live fundamental in families where only one parent is legally recognized. This opens the child to potential legal limbo and worse a great deal of unnecessary emotional trauma should their custodial parent die.

3. Double check all your beneficiaries and ownership designations on your property and accounts (investments, retirement, etc.) dove-tail with your estate plan, and properly reflect your relationship.

4. Be ‘out.’ This is probably more relevant to couples that aren’t married, of course. It’s important to make sure that family, friends, coworkers and neighbors know you are a couple. That way there are no surprises should something happen.

It’s also imperative that those people very much understand that, as far as you’re concerned, your spouse (or partner) and your children hold “first place” in your life, and are your primary consideration should anything happen to you.

Finally, Miller adds some really great advice, “When marriage is legal again, if you’re already married or decide to marry, don’t forget the emotional and romantic aspects of marriage. Because although you need to consider the financial and legal side of the institution, the truth is marriage is first and foremost about love.”

And that’s what so many opponents of same-gender marriage seem not to understand. Q

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 25

february, 2014 | issue 228 | gaysaltlake.com

thinking out loud

Letter to Me, Age 14

BY ABBY DEES

Dear Abby,

As another year wraps up, I realize that I’ve owed you a letter for way too long.

I know that you feel hopelessly awkward and out of sync with people, but you haven’t been around long enough yet to know how well you’re actually doing.

You know how people keep saying, “Be yourself”? And how they don’t seem to give a damn when you do just that? Maybe they’re hypocrites, but try not to take it personally (in time you’ll see that we all have hypocritical moments). The deal is, they’re right. But they don’t understand — or tell you — how difficult a task being yourself actually is.

I can assure you, though, that only way to get through what seems like an endless wait to grow up is to believe that you are indeed fabulous. Don’t be a self-centered jerk, but rather, someone who appreciates her gifts and doesn’t care about anyone else’s vision of perfection. It’s the only way to get where you want to go. Yeah, it’s hard. So what. You have to do it. You will do it.

Along those lines, I cannot emphasize enough how much you should ignore the family’s nattering on about your weight.

You’ll learn later on just how bonkers they are and how lovely you are. Instead of pinning all life’s hopes on being twenty pounds lighter, how about giving occasional props to your classically shaped, normal body. Spend that energy getting better at guitar. Or reading. Or picking your toes.

Much better use of your energy than starving. You won’t be a rock star, I hate to tell you, but if you’ll also stop believing that you’re too fat to front a band, or make friends, or put yourself out there in front of people, you will never regret taking those risks. Live now. Don’t wait.

And please give up trying to tan. You don’t want to have to scan yourself for melanomas forever more. Accept that you have no melanin. Anyway, people will compliment your fair skin when it becomes fashionable in a few years.

You will be loved and appreciated in your life for who you are — which is exactly the same person you are now, only with a lot more confidence, as well as gentle acceptance of your flaws. That’s how the “be yourself” thing pays off. You’ll even have to find delicate ways to let people down who fall for you, which sucks, but I want to underscore the fact that you can stop worrying that you’re destined to be alone.

Did I mention that you were a lesbian?

You knew that already, of course. You’ll go out with boys just to make sure, and because you want to try to be “normal,” and because you’re itching to experience everything. That’s fine, I guess — just don’t expect much. The sooner you face your truth, then the sooner you can live your life fully, with a big s$#t-eating grin to boot. I should also give you a heads-up that “normal” is wildly overrated. You will discover this repeatedly.

Take all those secrets and things that embarrass you and dump them in the trash.

This includes any shame about being gay, your birthmark (everyone has them), or those rock star dreams. As soon as you speak things out loud and claim your quirks proudly, you transform vulnerability into strength. This is the definition of having balls.

Understand that adults are more confused about life than they let on. As a result, they’ll inevitably underestimate you. Listen to your gut about whether they are being straight up with you. If so, then pay attention. Ask their opinions, and then remember the ones who really look you in the eyes as they share those opinions with you. Remember the ones who care what you have to say, especially if they take the time to challenge your ideas about things.

In about thirty years you’ll want to send them a thank-you letter for treating you with real respect.

The future will arrive in due time, and it will be worth all of the struggle to get there. I promise.

Love, me. Q

MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY MA 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY MA 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 YOU MAY 2014 2014 OF MAY IT? 2014 WILL BE MAY A PART MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY MA 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY MA 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY MA 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY MA 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014

IT’S COMING

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26 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

queer shift

Joy — Shift

BY CHARLES FROST

Years ago,

my daily work was centered around effectiveness and efficiency, primarily the differences between the two, and the reality that it all boils down to is the fact that a person could be efficient with things; however, it was a necessity to be effective with people. All people in your life, especially yourself! When you treat yourself or others efficiently, or as a task to be checked off — the relationship has a huge emotional withdrawal. This still rings true to me.

A few weeks ago, my BFF and fellow co-playwright were discussing the topics of happiness, outlook, decades of life — their meanings and significance, mindfulness, which ultimately came down to the essence of joy, and what gives us joy in our lives. We were discussing joy as it related to a character in the play we are writing, but it flowed over into our own lives and a much more lengthy, detailed and insightful conversation over martinis.

The martinis only fueled the passion behind the discussion of joy. After much back and forth deconstruction, we came to an agreement, certainly not fully definitive, but a place where we both found consensus on the topic of joy.

For a person to be seized with joy, you have to be open to it.

Joy has to be a daily comrade.

Joy is centered in an abundant mindset.

A person has to make room for joy.

For joy to be realized, it requires emptiness, space and decluttering of life.

There is little to no room for joy when we are striving, collecting, or hoarding things.

Joy cannot get in when you are full of anger, cynicism, or despair.

Worrying about the future or complaining about past events blocks joy in life.

Merriam-Webster defines joy as — “the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires.”

I find this definition to be part of why

joy is so illusive in these modern times.

It contradicts essence, and promotes substance (things) as a requirement to feel joy. Essence being the spiritual, the soulful, the deeply felt, but not always necessarily seen things in life. Substance promotes possession of things, money, property, power and belongings. The current lack of joy goes back to the old focus on the essential rather than the effective method of living life.

I prefer Oxford’s definition of joy as — “a vivid emotion of pleasure arising from a sense of well-being.”

I love this definition because it roots joy in a sense of well-being. We can have a sense of well-being every day of our lives. To me, this means that there is no reason why each and every one of us can’t experience joy on a daily basis. This means that we can find joy not only in the quiet of a life going well, but also in a life full of turmoil and even pain. This means that we can have lives with more joy without making major changes in the external aspects of our lives, but by making minor changes in the centers of our beings.

Twenty-fourteen. January. Right now.

Far too many of us feel these things and endure days that fly by, but seem to drag on forever. Hmmmmm…Why? I suggest it is because we have subscribed to definitions of success and happiness that have nothing to do with the nourishment that our souls truly need in order to have more joy and thrive in very different ways.

Humans, yes — especially gay people are born for joy and deserve magical moments. When we are expecting them, setting ourselves up for that ‘well-being’ that Oxford defines, we discover those moments arrive ever increasingly in our everyday lives.

Declutter, re-focus, simplify and eliminate. Get rid of the massive amount of stuff that clogs your home, heart and your mind.

Rid your life of non-meaningful material things. Then you are free to experi-

ence the joyous freedom of nourishing memories in simple, pleasant surroundings.

Shovel out the anger, resentment and bitterness. Apply the greatest gift of all, forgiveness. By living lives of conscious self-acceptance and learning to forgive ourselves you become more able to forgive others. This loosens the debilitating constraints of anger, resentment, cynicism and despair, and joy swells.

Toss out the busyness and mental chatter I prefer Oxford’s of lives lived definition of in the possible future or joy as — “a buried past. By vivid emotion of learning to be pleasure arising in the present, you’re open to from a sense of the treasures well-being.” that it offers.

Rid yourself of scarcity thinking and walk with an appreciative heart. It’s nearly impossible to be gloomy when acknowledging the gifts that are present in your life.

Exit yourself from self-limitations, in behaviors and actions.

Sweep away worry, and explore the paradoxical powers of allowance and surrender. Worry serves as a signal, once you have done all that can be done for the moment, let go of worry and surrender to the joyous support of people and possibilities.

So, joy is a choice; you can either act like a person akin to what Voltaire says about madness, “Madness is to hold an erroneous perception and argue perfectly from it.” or change, embrace, and engage as Marshall McLuhan, advocated, “When things come at you very fast, naturally you lose touch with yourself.”

The secret to increased joy is within the latter quotation. Here’s to greater joy! Q

february, 2014 | issue 228 | gaysaltlake.com

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 27

28 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

lambda lore

Utah’s always had queer marriage

BY BEN WILLIAMS

Utah always

was queer about marriage, ever since the City of the Saints was founded by Brigham Young and his concubines ... err, wives. The leadership of the Mormon Church nevertheless kept the practice of polygamy on the down low for five years.

The fact that the Christian institution of marriage, between a man and a woman, had been broaden to include a man and just about any number of women a man could coerce into marrying him was not widely known for nearly 10 years after Joseph Smith received permission to screw at will. Not until 1852 did Brother Brigham make it official when he announced to the world that, yes indeed folks, Mormon men are boinking more than one woman. Thus, in one sweeping announcement, Brigham Young made a liar out of the hundreds of missionaries abroad in the Mission field swearing up and down that Mormon’s were monogamous.

Now that the secret was out in the open and the jig was up, for the next 40 years Mormon leaders sung the praises of female concubinage while denouncing the absolute horrors of monogamy.

Brother Brigham spouted in 1862, “Monogamy, or restrictions by law to one wife, is no part of the economy of heaven among men. Such a system was commenced by the founders of the Roman empire. Rome became the mistress of the world, and introduced this order of monogamy wherever her sway was acknowledged. Thus this monogamic order of marriage, so esteemed by modern Christians as a holy sacrament and divine institution, is nothing but a system established by a set of robbers.” Mormon Apostle Orson Pratt also added his two cents claiming, “this law of monogamy, or the monogamic system, laid the foundation for prostitution and the evils and diseases of the most revolting nature and character under which modern Christendom groans...”

However, my favorite pronouncement

of the evils of monogamy is from John Taylor, 3rd Prophet Seer and Revelator of the Mormon Church who chimed in, “... the one-wife system not only degenerates the human family, both physically and intellectually, but it is entirely incompatible with philosophical notions of immortality; it is a lure to temptation, and has always proved a curse to a people.”

Well that is all right and good living 500 miles from decent society, but when a national political party is founded on the premise that slavery and polygamy are the twin relics of barbarism, and after said political party had beaten the crap out of half the country over slavery, one starts to sing a different tune when the Grand Old Party turn its sights in your direction.

Here comes the judge, here comes the judge, the federal judge who sent Mormon polygamists into hiding or into prison cells for cohabitating. Mormons wailed they were only obeying God. Blame God not me! However, Republicans turned a deaf ear and said: “No statehood for you.”

Mormons very much wanted to become a state and get the feds off their ass. So they did the sensible thing to become a state.

They lied. Yes, they said they would end the practice of plural marriage in 1890.

Even said it was a manifesto, but in reality they were just kidding and they just kept on marrying and marrying as many women as they could convince that it was God’s will to boink. “Its for the children!”

“Think of the children!” Who could resist when you put it like that?

Well, finally after trying to push a Mormon Apostle into the United States Senate with no luck because the opposition was calling Mormons “liars pants on fire” over this plural wife thing-y, President Joseph F. Smith issued a second manifesto in 1904 saying they really mean it this time. And “It was an honest mistake.”

So, as the old Mormon broads, I mean venerable pioneers, died off, polygamy in Utah buckled under for the evils of monogamy. President Heber J. Grant was the very last polygamist prophet to head

the church, but lucky for the PR department, Heber only had one wife still hanging around when he assumed the Church Presidency in 1919, the other two had conveniently dropped dead.

So about mid 20th century Mormons went full steam ahead on main streaming into American monogamous society and they jettison the eternal principle of spiritual wifery. They even went after their former polygamist relatives, treating them like unwanted bastard stepchildren.

Mormons were Mormons now All-American were now AllAmerican as as apple pie in apple pie now the matrimony in the matrimony department, department, except for this except for this simple codicil simple codicil ‘no mixing of the races.’ No ‘no mixing of the Brown Sugar races.’ for the Priesthood. Nary a single solitary drop of Negro blood can be allowed in the Temple, No M’am, uhuh, no sirree.

The reason for this was quite reasonable because, you see, back in those days God was still a bigot.

Brother Brigham said in 1852, “Any man having one drop of the seed of [Cain] ... in him cannot hold the priesthood and if no other Prophet ever spake it before I will say it now in the name of Jesus Christ I know it is true and others know it.”

A hundred years later in 1952 the Mormon Apostle Mark E. Petersen piled on adding more ethnicities to the mix.

“What is our advice with respect to intermarriage with Chinese, Japanese, Hawaiians and so on? I will tell you what advice I give personally. If a boy or girl comes to me claiming to be in love with a Chinese or Japanese or a Hawaiian or a person of any other dark race, I do my best to talk them out of it. I tell them that

february, 2014 | issue 228 | gaysaltlake.com

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 29

Let My Experience make Your Real Estate experience a Great one! It's my Pleasure!

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I think the Hawaiians should marry Hawaiians, the Japanese ought to marry Japanese, and the Chinese ought to marry Chinese, and the Caucasians should marry Caucasians ... I teach against inter-marriage of all kinds.”

Well, Elder Petersen and whole lot of other folks looked kind of foolish when President Spencer Kimball did them a mean trick and pulled bigotry right out from under their feet in 1978. But not to worry, there was a new boogeyman threat emerging just in time to fill the void … homosexuals!

Homosexuals who want to get married. In Utah! Horror!

On Jan. 6 1976, two lesbians marched into the County Clerk office and asked for a marriage license. Flabbergasted, the clerk referred the women to the Salt Lake County attorney office for a judgement on whether they could get a license. Unfortunately this was 1976 and the pair declined to take the matter further, however the Salt Lake Tribune got wind of the story and wrote an opinion stating, “Two women who had applied for a marriage license in Salt Lake County probably should have been issued one, according to Utah law.”

Whoops!

In 1976, Utah did not specifically prohibit marriage between members of the same sex according to a spokesperson in the Salt Lake County Attorney office. Well something had to be done about that. In June 1977, “GAY MARRIAGES BANNED IN UTAH” screamed from the headlines!

The ban was placed in a bill clarifying ambiguous language in the marriage statutes over legal age for matrimony.

Someone had pointed out to Governor Scott Matheson that, you know, nothing in state law says marriage has to be between a man and a woman. Holy Cow! Queers could marry other perverts?!

Thus, the righteous Representative Roger Livingston, R-Sandy, quietly and discreetly inserted into HB 3 language prohibiting marriage “between persons of the same sex.”

There, that nasty business was taken care of. Gay marriage was so odious that the prohibition language went virtually undiscussed among the lawmakers. When asked later, some legislators said they knew about “the controversial nature of such a proposal” but some things are “better left unsaid.” Indeed! Nasty business this queer stuff. However, less we forget our hero, a brave, feminist, pro-ERA Senator, Frances Farley, D-Salt Lake City, who objected. She moved to eliminate the language barring marriage between persons of the same sex. Can you believe it? Her motion did fail of course, and the bill passed on a 20-2 vote with just one other senator, Arthur Kimball, DSalt Lake City, joining Farley in the opposition. Senator Carl E. Peterson, DMagna, speaking for the majority spoke against Farley’s motion proudly stating the ban on homosexual marriage is what “we in the state believe in.”

Indeed. Q

Served on Education committee, Grievance Committee, the Have a Heart House, Contributor to HRC, Pride Center and Northern Wasatch Association of Realtors of Board Directors, Women’s Council of Realtors President 2005,WCR member of the year 2006, President of the NW Association of Realtors 2002 ,on the Board of Trustees for the Deaf Blind Children’s Fund of Utah, Northern Utah Chapter Red Cross fund raising committee.

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30 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | LOVE

gaysaltlake.com | issue 226 | january, 2014

Utah’s first same-sex married couple, J. Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson Both were raised outside Utah, and both were raised Mormon. The story of how their paths crossed, however, is rooted in Utah history.

J. Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson faithfully attended seminary and went on missions, Anderson in Russia, Ferguson in Arizona.

Enter Facebook.

“I was on Facebook one day, and this handsome profile picture popped up in the right hand panel under ‘People you may know.’”

Ferguson explained. “I thought to myself, ‘I don’t know him, but I want to.’”

Ferguson sent a friend request and it was accepted.

“I started checking him out. It was clear that Seth was an energetic, communityfocused, do-gooder,” Ferguson said. “The hook was set, and I was strongly interested.”

“I was pretty sure I was not in the market for a serious boyfriend,” said Anderson. “But after

multiple emails, text messages and phone conversations, I knew there was something about this guy that I really liked.”

Ferguson went to Phoenix to meet his Facebook crush.

“I took Michael to a lesbian bar in Phoenix to see my friend and former seminary president, Michelle, and her wife perform in their punk rock band.”

Thus began a long distance love.

Ferguson asked Anderson to join him at a neuroscience conference in China and Anderson packed his car and moved to Salt Lake.

The two started a tea company, The Queens’ Leaf, and went to Japan to work on a tea farm. It was there that Ferguson asked for his partner’s hand in marriage.

Then, on December 20, they got a text from a lawyer friend saying to get to the Salt Lake County Clerk’s office because a judge had ruled for gay marriage in Utah.

They dropped everything and, long story short, were married within 45 minutes of Judge Shelby’s ruling, making them Utah’s first same-sex married couple. Q

Timeline for Same-Sex Marriage in Utah November, 2004 Utah voters approve Amendment 3 with 66 percent of the vote.

July, 2011 Mark Lawrence, fed up with Utah’s anti-gay marriage laws, decides to take the state to court.

Feb. 27, 2013 Restore Our Humanity is registered with the state of Utah.

CAKE PHOTO BY DAV.D DANIELS, DAVIDDANIELSPHOTOGRAPHY.COM

March 18, 2013 Restore Our Humanity announces organization James E. Magleby, Jennifer Fraser Parrish and Peggy A. Tomsic of Magleby & Greenwood, join the case.

March 25, 2013 Three couples — Derek Kitchen and Moudi Sbeity, Laurie Wood and Kody Partridge, and Karen Archer and Kate Call file a complaint in U.S. District Court.

June 26, 2013 The U.S. Supreme Court rules DOMA is unconstitutional and Prop 8 plaintiffs have no standing, starting marriages again in Calif.

June 27, 2013 Overstock. com company founder Patrick Byrne donates $50,000 towards the legal fees of Restore Our Humanity.

Aug. 12, 2013 The State of Utah files a response to the lawsuit saying same-sex marriage has never been recognized in Utah

january, 2014 | issue 226 | gaysaltlake.com

LOVE ELEVATED RECEPTION | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 31

Love Elevated Wedding Reception

PHOTOS: LAURIE SIMON REDDRAGONFLY PHOTOGRAPHY.COM

QSaltLake and Le Croissant teamed together to bring the couples and their friends a reception they will never forget. Thank you to our photographers for helping us capture the magic of the evening

PHOTOS BELOW BY MIKE JONES

Oct. 10, 2013 Utah State Tax Commission says same-sex couples must file Utah income tax return with a filing status of single or head of household

Dec. 4, 2013 Four hours of oral arguments were presented by both the Restore plaintiffs and the state before U.S. District Judge Robert Shelby.

Dec. 20, 2013 Judge Shelby rules Utah’s ban on same-sex marriage violates the U.S. Constitution’s guarantees of equal protection and due process.

Dec. 23, 2013 Judge Shelby rules against state’s motion for a temporary stay of his ruling, pending an appeal to the U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.

Dec. 24, 2013 U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals rules against the state of Utah’s plea for a stay of Shelby’s ruling.

Dec. 30, 2013 U.S. Tenth Circuit Court of Appeals orders an expedited briefing schedule for Utah’s appeal, warning sides not to try for extension.

Dec. 31, 2013 State of Utah files a motion for a stay the U.S. Supreme Court

Jan. 6, 2014 The U.S. Supreme Court issues a stay the ruling without declared reason.

Utah Attorney General Sean Reyes calls marriages performed in “legal limbo.”

32 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | LOVE ELEVATED RECEPTION

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

february, 2014 | issue 228 | gaysaltlake.com

LOVE ELEVATED RECEPTION | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 33

34 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | LOVE

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

Looking for love A guide to online dating Today,

many of us find that the quest for that special someone seems to feel the old country/ western tune “Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places.” In the old days, we met one another at church socials or through personal introductions.

Now, we meet folks via apps, hookup sites and Facebook. The Internet appears to be here to stay. Many people have found it a good way to meet people, but you have to be careful.

DATING SITES There are many dating sites out there.

Some are for everyone and some are just for bears. Do some research to see which one will best meet your needs. If you know someone who has used one of these sites, ask for a recommendation. Many offer free memberships, but often encourage you to upgrade to a paid membership. The advantages of doing this will vary by website.

Sometimes the upgraded membership will allow you more services or put your name at the top of someone’s search list.

YOUR PRIVACY Many sites offer the ability to have an anonymous email address. If someone wants to contact you, they email your anonymous email address and the response is either sent to you or you are notified that a message is waiting in your mailbox.

YOUR PROFILE Here is your chance to describe who you are and who you want. Do a little soul searching and answer the questions honestly. Many services have very specific questions for you to answer (or not answer if you choose). You also often will have a chance to write short (or long) answers on certain topics. Spend some time on this to make sure you are giving a true picture of yourself. It is up to you to decide if you want to include a photo. If you do not want to post one for the world to see,

you might want to have a nice digital one to send to someone you are considering meeting.

THE SEARCH Often you can search by a variety of factors. Consider how large a search area you want. If you choose a larger search area, you will get more hits but you may have to travel more than you want. If you are looking for an email only relationship, then you can use a much larger search area. Give some thought to what is most important to you and define your search using those criteria. If astrological sign is important, then by all means search by that. Be careful not to limit yourself too much. You might be surprised at what comes up.

Be clear what you want. Are you looking for LTR (online for Long Term Romance).

Remember his idea of a LTR might be 20 minutes. If you’re looking for a trick and he’s looking for the Bear of his life — one of you is going to be disappointed. Just be honest.

THE CONTACT If you find a profile that is interesting, by all means send them a message. Don’t be disappointed if they don’t respond or respond to say they have a partner or aren’t interested. You may have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince (or princess).

THE FIRST MEETING After a few email interactions, you may decide to meet in real time (and in real person). Use some common sense. Meet in a public place, such as a coffee shop. Arrange a short first meeting so if the chemistry is not there, then you haven’t given up a lot of your day. This is another advantage to the coffee date. Let someone know where you are going and when you expect to return. A useful tool is to have someone call you on your cell phone during the date. If the date is not going well, you can use this as an excuse to leave early.

Use your common sense to on how to go forward. Different people will have different time lines for the next and following dates.

BE CAREFUL As with anything else on the Internet, you have to be careful. The anonymity of the Web lends itself to scams. Don’t be a victim. Use common sense when online, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Remember a few basic guidelines: Never send money to people you have met online.

Be very suspicious of anyone of starts talking about money, when you’ve only chatted with on the Internet.

Never give anyone personal financial information bank account numbers, social security number, credit card information, driver’s license, home address or phone number.

When placing a personal ad, consider using a free email account. This protects your own email account and personal information.

Think very carefully before arranging a meeting. Always meet in a neutral, public place. Tell a friend or family member where you are going, how long you will be and when to expect to hear back from you. Q

LOVE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 35

february, 2014 | issue 228 | gaysaltlake.com

Single and HIV+ HIV dating

website HIV-Single.com recently partnered with HIV and Gay, a Facebook page designed to build a larger community of gay HIV singles worldwide (Facebook.com/ HIVandGAY).

The goal of the partnership is to celebrate life and love, and to create a supportive community of out and proud HIV-positive gay singles.

HIV-Single. com is available to both straight and gay HIV-positive singles, but this new partnership with HIV and Gay is designed to support their gay community and members. While HIVSingle.com creates an open environment for HIV singles, this Facebook page allows for a new opportunity for friendship and fun in an interactive online environment.

“Gay or straight, it can be a challenge to talk openly about your HIV-positive status. At HIV-Single.com we celebrate life and love, and support our HIV singles by creating an online community where you can be positive and proud — with no shame and no judgment.”

HIV-Single.com reads.

When diagnosed with HIV, many individuals fear their dating and love lives are over, and they find it a challenge to talk with their friends and family about the changes in their life.

By creating an online community where gay HIV singles can come together at HIV and Gay, individuals feel less alone in their journey.

HIV-Single.com has members of all races, cultures, religions, beliefs, hobbies and interests. If one is an HIVpositive single looking to make friends, flirt or find love visit HIV-Single.com to learn more about this free dating site. To learn more about their partnership with the HIV and Gay community, simply log on to Facebook and type “HIV and Gay” into the search bar. Q

We will see an end to marriage discrimination in Utah.

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The team that convinced District Judge Robert Shelby to rule that Utah’s anti-gay marriage laws and Amendment 3 are unconstitutional are now taking the case to the Circuit Court of Appeals and potentially to the U.S. Supreme Court.

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Your $5, $10, $25 monthly contribution will help!

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36 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | LOVE

Cold and single During

the winter we tend to hibernate. It’s cold; it’s slushy; it gets dark by 4:30. Nobody really wants to be outside. If you’re single though, you can’t just stop dating until the weather gets nice again because dating, as we all know, is a numbers game, and you should always be out there meeting people if you want to land the person of your dreams.

Winter is a good time to look for love because of two specific holidays: New Year’s Day and Valentine’s Day. People love to make it their New Year’s resolution to find the love of their life, and you’ll find a lot of singles at any event that falls around Valentine’s Day, for obvious reasons. So winter is a great time to get out there and flirt up a storm (if you’ll pardon the expression).

In this article, I focus on options for the gay community, my specialty as I am a co-founder of one of the most successful LGBT dating sites out there: OneGoodLove.com.

First of all, if you have not done so already, connect with your local LGBT center, if you’re lucky enough to have one in your area. The LGBT Center in New York City, for example, has a lot of events

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

for gay singles, everything from speed dating to author lectures to movie nights.

Your LGBT center is a great option if you are sick of the bar scene or in recovery. Get your center’s calendar or stalk their bulletin boards where you’ll find events for happenings in your area. It’s a great starting point. (If you don’t have an LGBT center, then head to your local gay/radical bookstore, or try meetup.com for gay-minded events. If you still can’t find anything to do, then create your own single gay group on meetup.com. It’s fairly low-cost.)

Secondly, consider the Elevation winter gay ski week events. Produced by Tom Whitman, these events provide plenty of opportunities to interact with other quality single gay men. (And if you are lucky enough to be in a couple, it also makes a great romantic getaway!) Taking place Feb. 6-9, 2014 (a week before Valentine’s Day) Elevation Tahoe features more than 3600 acres and 270 trails, with an average of 400 inches of snow falling there over the course of a year. Whether you are a beginner or more advanced skier, you’re bound to find the activity level that’s perfect for you.

And the fun doesn’t end when the skiing is over. There are also parties with world-class DJs such as DJ Casey Alva and DJ Pornstar. If you can’t make that event, there is also Elevation Utah, Feb. 20-23,

and Elevation Mammoth, March12-16.

Visit tahoegayski.com, utahgayski.com and mammothgayski.com to learn more.

If you’re frustrated with the singles community in your area, then this can be a great way to expand your social circle and potentially meet your soul mate. As someone who has been to Elevation Mammoth several times, I highly recommend the experience, and I look forward to it every year.

Finally, there is online dating. Online dating is always popular, but in the winter, singles enjoy the convenience of searching for love indoors (even though you eventually have to step outside once you get a date). Many websites do offer services for the gay community, but at OneGoodLove. com the LGBT community is our only focus. Our site not only helps connect you to the love of your life, we also help you analyze your personality and figure out what you should be looking for in a mate with our Personality Profile Test, created by a gay licensed doctor. So definitely give us a try when exploring your winter online dating options.

No matter what you do though, don’t give up on finding the love of your life during the winter. If you start looking now, you can still find someone to keep you warm during the chilly months ahead.

Good luck! Q

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february, 2014 | issue 228 | gaysaltlake.com

HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 37

GL Mature Single Gay Male, HWP ...

ISO Equality and World Peace ... HMU

BY MICHAEL SANDERS

Once upon

a time, being gay and single was considered quite conventional within the gay community. Now, I haven’t always been single, spending the first 20 years of my “gay” life in two consecutive long-term relationships.

At age 38 I broke up with my boyfriend of nine years (yes, “boyfriend,” that’s what we still called them back in the 1990s) Since then I’ve lived, for the most part, single and gay. People sometimes ask ”why are you still single, you’re such a catch” Well, aside from the fact that I am really such a pain in the ass, I often reply that it’s probably because I’m always doing guys I would never date or trying to date guys I don’t want to do.

There are many reasons that gay men are single. Some choose a single life because they have plenty of self confidence and a lack of fear of being and living alone … in fact they enjoy it. Others have sexual addictions and feel that being in a monogamous relationship would be too constricting. Some are alone because of a lack of self love or enough self esteem. Some are frightened of the commitments that a serious relationship or marriage brings. Some are single through death or abandonment, especially within the elder gay community.

The fact is that these same issues exist within the heterosexual single world and, therefore, are not an excuse for inequality. Equality is not about whether we are single, in a committed relationship, an open relationship or married.

As a 51-year-old gay man, I remember the early days of the gay liberation movement on the East Coast (where I am from).

Progressive-thinking queers took aim at many of the assumptions of traditional marriage and other “norms” of the heterosexual-based mainstream. Our differences from that mainstream were a cause célèbre that united us all, both single, partnered, and in various other combinations as our battle cry was “out of the closet and into the streets.”

Now, in the shadow of same-sex marriage mania, many single gay men feel compelled by a new wave of internal and exter-

nal forces to emulate forms of traditional pair bonds in order to feel complete. Other singles, especially those who are sexually active, just feel dismissed as being licentious, put to the back of a new bus, so to speak. A brand new age of oppression with ramifications not unlike those of the closet: a sense of shame, failure and a quiet (or not-so-quiet) desperation.

For those who have not chosen singlehood as a lifestyle and desire to be in a relationship, this can be a painful and difficult experience. Feelings of low self worth and inferiority; the sense that there’s something wrong with you; an excessive preoccupation with focusing on your unhappiness of being single; and sometimes a compulsive drive to find a relationship just to satisfy that nagging need, which can be a dangerous and sabotaging maneuver if one’s dating practices are conducted out of desperation, rather than conscious intention.

I was recently talking with a close, straight female friend who is single and also over 40 about being unmarried in the Land of Zion. We both have lived most of our adult lives in the big cities on both coasts (myself in New York City, she in Los Angeles). In contrast to other places we’ve lived, we both noted how the difference in the perception of single adults here is so deeply rooted in the shadows of the church value system that most people grew up with behind the Casserole Curtain.

In fact, our local Utah gay counterculture mirrors it’s oppressive traditional Mormon culture more so than most like to admit. A local gay culture often fraught with the same judgmental value systems and rigid conformity to be virtuous, viewing openly sexually active gay singles judgmentally, fostering a new gay right wing style morality. A society that places high value and expectation on being in a coupled relationship, and frequently leaving un-coupled gays feeling stigmatized

for their single status.

Being on the virtuous side of this schism might make some feel more superior or righteous, but I feel it actually assists the right wing bigotry that continues to work the agenda against equality.

Now don’t get me wrong, I totally understand the importance of the benefits and protections of legal same-sex marriage (of which I am a very vocal advocate). It’s just that many same-sex marriage activists insist it’s all about love and family values … and that’s where I strongly disagree.

Isn’t it really all about treating everyone equally? Subscribing to the notion that the path to equality can only be achieved by mimicking traditional religious based ideals of heterosexual style family values only further cements the bond of church doctrines to government policy. The truth is that true equality will be achieved by removing non-secularism from our government as the First Amendment intended.

The same Christian right wing opponents to same sex marriage are often the first to support military action against other nations around the world that deny freedom to their citizens under non-Christian religious-based oppression are supporting the same subjugation here in the United States under the guise of “family values.”

This double standard only serves to further divide us.

I believe that everyone deserves the basic human right to take lawfully a spouse of their own choosing or chose to remain single, and that our community must embrace those choices equally. We should celebrate our right to marry those we love and support with love those who have not married or partnered up through choice or circumstance. I believe that it is through this shift in thinking en masse that the road to equality and peaceful co-existence will be paved. Q Michael Sanders is the owner of Now & Again, 207 E. Broadway, home of the one night stand, offering an eclectic mix of mid-century modern, retro, vintage and modern home furnishings, lighting, artwork and accessories. ­NowAndAgainSLC.com

38 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | ARTS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

Plan-B Theatre Co. brings ‘Different = Amazing’ to elementary schools across the state Matthew Ivan Bennett has been Plan-B Theatre’s resident playwright since 2007. In addition to four radio plays and more than a dozen short plays, his Block 8, Di Esperienza, Mesa Verde and Eric(a) have premiered at Plan-B. His new play, Different=Amazing, inspired by the 2010 event of the same name, is Plan-B’s second annual elementary school tour.

BY MATTHEW IVAN BENNETT

I was bullied.

As a sixthgrader I got into a fistfight over a pink sweatshirt. I suppose I technically could’ve avoided that confrontation — the bruises and the bloody nose — but I was never easily cowed. I was prideful — and I sincerely felt that there was nothing wrong in a boy wearing pink. Nevertheless, I was small, and I suffered for my smart mouth.

Junior high was worse.

My lunch, or lunch money, was stolen.

Sometimes, in the short scurrying period between classes, my locker would be kicked shut five times. I was classically held by one boy and slugged by another.

The bigger boys liked to lift me and throw me simply because they could. I was chased through the city park. Stones were thrown at me — when I’d been chased onto a church’s rooftop. Once, a pair of boys followed me home, burst into our front door (my parents still at work) and chased me into my room. They taunted me and beat on my door as I held it closed with my foot. The bullies splintered the bottom of the hollow pine door and I told my parents that I had done it.

I reacted largely by, well, becoming weird. I wore black. I wrote stupidly enigmatic sayings on the chalkboard. A rumor began that I was a devil worshiper; I fed it.

I hung out with The Smokers, even though I didn’t smoke. I changed my handwriting. I suffered from insomnia. I would sometimes, literally, sleep on the stairs because they were ironically the only place I could fall asleep during the worst of that depression. Finally, I didn’t know who I was. My mother caught me imitating a friend’s voice and, in a rare moment of selfawareness, I realized that, yes, I had been imitating my friends because I didn’t know who I was. By eighth grade, I felt cloudy.

I remembered a point, before the bullying and depression, when I was “sharp” or “clear” inside. I still feel this sometimes — a feeling that there used to be more of me.

Some people call this feeling “soul loss.”

Of course, I was resilient too. I grew up with a big brother, and a younger brother who was bigger than me, and when there was a chance to fire a rubber-band gun at someone’s face that chance was not wasted. I stood up to physical aggression because I was conditioned to: I was always trying to prove myself physically as the shrimp of the family. I enrolled in a Kempo karate class. I stretched, I did sit-ups, and I saw my bullies as I went through my katas.

One time, in Taylorsville Park, I even Judochopped a bully in the throat and then ran as fast as I could.

High school was better, but I was still called “fag” (for being in drama), my locker was slammed shut, and two boys once elbowed their way into my living room and threatened me.

But it would be years before I fully realized how being bullied emotionally gouged me.

When I was 26, I worked for a local television station and we periodically shot a panel show in the evenings that aired on Sunday mornings. On the show one night was a bullying expert. Behind the camera, I sort of smirked as I listened. I thought it was all so touchy-feely. Following the show, I struck up a conversation with the guest, telling her about some of my experiences, and she said, “You must have been bullied a lot.” I said no, but I sounded insincere.

I went home and thought. And remembered. As I remembered, I saw a pattern: I told almost no one about my problems.

Not my parents. Not my bishop. Not even my friends, really. For the first time I saw that I had been a victim, which changed nothing physically but changed everything mentally. At last I could mourn. At last I allowed myself to feel sorry instead of numb.

Writing Different=Amazing began with a comic monologue about the pink sweatshirt incident. I performed it, myself, at a fundraiser in 2010 and, by far and away, it was the scariest theatrical experience of my life. And it was freeing. I was terrified to stand on a stage and say, effectively, to hundreds of people: I was a weakling, I was a little nerdy kid, I had my ass kicked. But in saying it I saw it wasn’t actually true. I was beaten but I wasn’t beaten down.

Playright Matthew Ivan Bennett in 5th Grade

After that fundraiser, my stepmom and dad said to me, “This has to go places!”

They didn’t mean only my piece, but the whole idea. So I was thrilled when the funding came through for Plan-B to do a touring show to elementary schools.

We solicited stories from the kids and it was torture to read many of them. You read about a little girl getting buckets of mud thrown on her and you wish you were Superman so you could zip to the school and toss the bullies a mile into space to teach them a lesson.

But there is no Superman.

There’s just us. Sometimes, it feels like it’s just you — but that’s never the case.

(And I wish I knew that then…)

One of theatre’s great functions is its telling us “You aren’t alone.” Really, that’s the most I can hope for with Different=Amazing when we take it to the schools. I just want bullied young kids to feel it’s OK to talk. To someone. To anyone. At Plan-B, we say that our mission is to create conversation. “Conversation” is usually understood as an intellectual happening, but of course it can be emotional too. We can “come into conversation” with our feelings, as I did, when I went home to think about whether I’d been bullied.

The stories I received from the students humbled me, and healed me, and I hope that — in my amplification of them as a playwright — they can do the same for those students’ classmates in Davis and Salt Lake Counties. Q Plan-B Theatre Company’s world premiere of Matthew Ivan Bennett’s “Different=Amazing,” featuring Tyson Baker and Latoya Rhodes and directed by Jerry Rapier, tours to 30 elementary schools in Salt Lake and Davis Counties between February 24-March 14. The tour kicks off with a free performance at noon on Saturday, February 22 in the Jeanne Wagner Theatre at the Rose Wagner. Tickets are free but required – click here for more information.

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 39

february, 2014 | issue 228 | gaysaltlake.com

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40 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | LOVE LETTERS

Jose, I thought I’d learned every hard lesson there was to learn.

Every day you teach me pure love .

Dear Pooh Bear, I love you more than hunny.

Love, Piglet .

Tom Sawyer, 9 years engaged, and 2 months married, I’m proud to be your Huckleberry!

Love Forever, Cole Wilkes .

In this day of hearts and the celebration of love I send a valentine to all the victors of marriage equality. Thank you for reminding me of the great power of love and peace.

Steven Camicia — Happy Valentines Mister! You make all my dreams come true! You are a super star and I thank the lucky stars our paths crossed and that we together live out those dreams, yes even the wild and crazy ones! With all my love, Darrin Brooks .

Paco — I love you so much. It’s crazy that someone could make a wild heart like me settle down, but all I want is you ( ; and that’s what I got. (you’re one lucky man) Kisses forever — Treasure Giovanni .

Never thought I’d call you “wife” But in Utah (Utah?!)

I’ll call you wife for the rest of my life.

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

My wife and I got married on December 23. Shortly after, we found out that we’re finally pregnant. .

My husband had a very tough year, very few breaks and is worn out. He deserves something special. .

Rose are red, violets are blue, you’re so close on Grindr, I suppose you will do. .

Dear Kelley, It is because of you that I am able to cope with life’s little challenges. You have given me so much love, guidance and understanding. I love you with with all my heart. It doesn’t matter where I am, I know I we have each other to comfort the other. Thank you my love, Jesse

Russell D. Bishop, who knew that the words “I want to spend the rest of my life with you” would actually happen. I guess that dreams do come true.

Love always, Me. .

KP — Happy V-day! I love you so much! You are the best partner! Thank you for being amazing! Love Steve .

Kevin — I can’t believe how much my life has changed because of your love. I love you more than words can express — Mike .

Joni, You are my love, my life, my soul. Happy Valentines to my one and only.

Always yours, Jonica .

Roses are red / Violets are blue I’d rather be single Than be with you. .

I’m going to spend this valentines day with my ex...

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Cam— I want to hold onto your belly as I fall asleep and wake up to the sweet caresses of your beard against my face. —Jose .

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—Diego .

Joseph, with over 2000 miles between use on this Valentine’s Day, you are as close as my heart .

Darrin, my hot husband and Valentine! You’re the love of my life, and I treasure every moment with you! Steven.

LOVE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 41

february, 2014 | issue 228 | gaysaltlake.com

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42 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

hear me out Beyoncé, Jennifer Nettles

BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI

BEYONCÉ, BEYONCÉ It’s a new year, but we’re not done gushing over Beyoncé and that juggernaut of an album she surprise-dropped to a web blitz of industry-shattering joyousness. She was all like “I’m just gonna put this here” when the pop behemoth snuck 14 songs and 17 music videos up on iTunes, a game-changing move that was only outdone by the actual contents of the sprawling project. Easily Bey’s most personally inspired, sexuMAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014

MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014

MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014

ally uninhibited work, it’s what Erotica was to Madonna, what The Velvet Rope was to Janet, and what ARTPOP should’ve been to Gaga. “Can you lick my Skittles, it’s the sweetest in the middle / Pink is the flavor, solve the riddle,” she sexes on “Blow,” a flirty, innuendo-drenched ’70s throwback that has all sorts of roller-skating vibes radiating off its Donna Summers-esque glow (and naturally, it has Bey skating in the video). Sex is recurring on Beyoncé, as is feminism, love, family, spirituality, death and self-image; it’s as all-encompassing as we’ve seen its creator, making for a provocative, multi-layered, career-best opus that’s reflective, sophisticated and decidedly not very mainstream. “Mine,” with Drake, is a morphing, six-minute-plus piece of minimalism that, despite its trippy style, is still profoundly affecting. So is “Heaven,” the best of two child-inspired ballads (though the big-hearted

MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014

MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014

MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014 2014 MAY MAY 2014

MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY

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“Blue” endears greatly). The song is pure and powerful, reiterating the sentiment that “heaven couldn’t wait for you, so go on, go home” – the “you” presumably being the pre-Blue baby she miscarried. In that context, especially, it’s wrenching, but it’s also real – more real than Beyoncé, known for her elusiveness, has ever been. Here, the star lets down her guard and, for just a bit, lets us into her heart, her soul, her world.

Grade: A-

JENNIFER NETTLES, THAT GIRL It’s her first official release as a solo artist, but hasn’t Jennifer Nettles always been one? I mean, even with Kristian Bush, she’s the energy, charisma and voice of Sugarland. And it’s not the first time: In 1998, before she became one of the biggest names (and voices) in country music, Nettles fronted a self-titled alt-country group.

Sugarland might as well be called The Jennifer Nettles Band, too.

That Girl, then, isn’t a surprising venture, but – even with Rick Rubin’s earthy production, and considering what she is capable of – it’s also not one that compels or captures like Nettles has with or before Sugarland. She pours her heart all over “Falling,” a drum-kicked soul surger, and “Good Time to Cry” and a stripped cover of Bob Seger’s “Like a Rock” – both demonstrating the power and spirit that make Nettles a vocal force to be reckoned with – save the best for last. The disc’s core, though, is tepidly fly-by, and besides “That Girl” – an almost wink-wink companion piece to Sugarland’s Grammy-winning

“Stay” – it disappoints with melodically bland blues/gospel/ rock and Nettles’ middle-ofthe-road co-writes. Nettles will release another solo LP, because she should, and though That Girl – a refreshing-if-unsound break from Sugarland’s country pop – isn’t the album it could be, it at least shows there’s more up her sleeve.

Grade: C+

Also Out MARY CHAPIN CARPENTER, SONGS FROM THE MOVIE Age has mellowed Mary Chapin Carpenter, who, at the height of her popularity, was a countryradio mainstay, delivering one buoyant hit after another. Her now-ethereal folk is embellished with an orchestra on this 10-song collection of previously released, recently re-imagined songs from the singer-songwriter’s esteemed catalog. Gorgeously augmented with soaring strings and brass from some of London’s premier orchestral musicians, and making the experience of these compositions anew (“The Dreaming Road,” “Between Here and Gone”), Songs from the Movie is like hearing them for the first time.

R. KELLY, BLACK PANTIES When it comes to good-bad, it’s hard to top R. Kelly’s awesomely awful Trapped in the Closet soap-opera saga. Unless, of course, you’re R. Kelly and you’ve just released a new album called Black Panties (let that sink in for a minute). His wish to Marry the Pussy, a slinky slow jam that’s parody-bound, makes you wonder how people can even make a fuss about gay marriage, and bump jam “Cookie” gives new meaning to the “cream in the middle.” With the X-rated ridiculousness of Black Panties, the closet door is wide open and everything is on full display. Q Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate. Reach him via his website at ­chris-azzopardi.com.

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44 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD&DRINK

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gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

In 2014, Drink Something Old and Something New

BY DAVID WHITE

January

is the perfect time to reflect on the previous year and make resolutions for the new one. For those of us who take wine seriously, it’s smart to include wine in our New Year’s resolutions.

This year, I plan to drink something old and something new. In other words, I’ll dig deep into a classic wine region and also explore a part of the world that doesn’t get much attention. Whether you’re a veteran oenophile or a budding wine enthusiast, following this plan will surely heighten your appreciation of wine.

Consider my consumption habits.

For my palate, America’s most exciting Pinot Noir comes from the “extreme” Sonoma Coast, a series of remote hillside vineyards in northern Sonoma County just miles from the Pacific Ocean. My favorite examples, which come from producers like Peay (photo of Peay vineyards above), Hirsch, and Littorai, combine all the elements I look for in Pinot — rich, ripe aromas of cherries along with fresh herbs and earth, together with lively acidity. So regardless of the season or the meal, these tend to be my go-to wines.

Such complacency is easy to understand; we’re creatures of habit. But it’s silly. The world of wine is infinite. And when it comes to Pinot Noir, Burgundy wrote the book. So this year, I hope to finally get my head around this legendary French wine region. I want to learn about its history, memorize the vineyards and producers my friends obsess over, and taste as much as I can.

Discovering a classic wine region should be on every oenophile’s list of New Year’s resolutions. If you’re fond of Washington State Merlot, try some classic, Right Bank Bordeaux. If you enjoy Riesling, stock your cellar with wines from Germany’s Mosel River Valley. And don’t just drink the classics, learn about them. It’s the classics that inspire New World vintners.

Next year, I also plan on embracing obscurity.

Last summer, for example, I fell in love with Muscadet, a white wine produced in France’s Loire Valley from a grape called “Melon de Bourgogne.” Typically, the

wines are marked by subtle yet precise aromas of apples, limes, and seawater. Thanks to extended contact with the dead yeast cells left over after fermentation, Muscadet is also known for exhibiting a creamy mouthfeel. These wines are perfect with shellfish and light seafood dishes. Plus, like most obscure-but-delicious wines, Muscadet is generally affordable.

This past summer, I fell for northeast Italy’s electric white wines, trying as many offerings as I could find from Alto Adige, a neighbor to Austria and Switzerland, and Friuli-Venezia Giulia, which borders Slovenia to the east and Austria to the north.

Alto Adige is best known for Pinot Grigio, but dozens of varieties flourish there. Gewurztraminer, Muller-Thurgau, Sylvaner, and Kerner are exceptionally aromatic and display enough sweetness and acidity to complement cream sauces and even spicy foods.

Friuli-Venezia Giulia, commonly shortened to Friuli, is home to a host of unfamiliar grapes like Ribolla Gialla and Friuliano. Producers in the region are also known for producing rich, complex blends that include these grapes alongside more traditional varieties like Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc, and Riesling.

This year, I hope to learn more about the wines of Hungary, Slovenia, Croatia, and other spots in Central and Eastern Europe. More and more of these wines are making their way to the United States, and plenty are fun, food friendly, and affordable.

Adventurous drinking should make everyone’s list of New Year’s resolutions.

There are, quite literally, thousands of different wine grape varieties planted in dozens of countries. Tasting different wines is the best way to learn, and surprising your palate is the best way to keep things fun.

The world of wine offers endless possibilities. So regardless of which resolutions you make -- and which resolutions you keep -- just make sure wine is a part of your life in 2014.

David White is the editor of Terroirist.com, which was named “Best Overall Wine Blog” at the 2013 Wine Blog Awards. His columns are housed at Grape Collective.

FOOD&DRINK | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 45

february, 2014 | issue 228 | gaysaltlake.com

dining guide CAFE SUPERNATURAL Trolley Square 600 E Side 801-363-1000 Quick cuisine using as much local and organically grown ingredients as possible. With a 100% plant-based and 100% gluten-free menu, the community can enjoy a refreshing meal and drink to stay or on the go.

DEL MAR AL LAGO 2260 S 300 W 801-467-2890 This Peruvian cebicheria is great Salt Lake secret. Serving a dozen different types of cebiche, they also specialize in other Peruvian favorites, like lomo saltado.

Don’t pass up the creative cocktails and especially dessert.

EGGS IN THE CITY 1675 E 1300 S 801-581-0809 Breakfast or lunch in a friendly, warm and hip environment.

The converted garage is now a stylish, enticing eatery. Try the eggs Benedict, French toast, custom-tailored omelets, huevos rancheros or cheese blintzes for breakfast.

FINN’S CAFE 1624 S 1100 E 801-467-4000 Family owned and operated for 62 years, Finn’s Cafe has been a large part of Utah’s fine dining heritage, specializing in both Norwegian and traditional dishes for breakfast and lunch.

Full barista bar, fresh squeezed juices, and in-house bakery.

OFF TRAX  offtraxslc.com 259 W 900 S 801-364-4307 Home of the Happy Hangover.

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OMAR’S RAWTOPIA  omarsrawtopia.com 2148 S Highland Dr 801-486-0332 Omar prepares all raw, live and organic food from scratch with absolute love to create amazing

food that is powerfully healing for your mind, body, and spirit.

SAGE’S CAFE 234 W 900 S 801-322-3790 Your favorite vegetarian restaurant is moving to Ninth South with a slough of other owner-operated, locally owned restaurants. Watch for their reopening in December.

SQUATTERS PUB BREWERY  squatters.com 147 W 300 S 801-363-2739 Salt Lake’s original brew pub featuring award-winning fresh brewed beers, lunch, dinner and weekend brunch. Private banquet facilities available.

SQUATTERS ROADHOUSE GRILL & PUB  www.squatters.com 1900 Park Ave, Park City 435-649-9868 Park City’s brewpub features breakfast, lunch and dinner daily and is a full liquor licensee, serving both Squatters and Wasatch Beers.

VERTICAL DINER 2280 S West Temple 801-484-8378 Vegan diner serving down-home comfort food and breakfast all day. Specialties include fried faux chicken, blueberry pancakes, and hand cut french fries.

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WASATCH BREW PUB  wasatchbeers.com 250 Main, Park City 435-645-0900 At the top of Main Street and a local favorite since 1989, Wasatch Brew Pub serves lunch, dinner and weekend brunch, along with award winning beers and full liquor service. Private banquet facilities available.

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46 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | PETS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

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48 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

anagram AN ANAGRAM IS A WORD OR PHRASE THAT CAN BE MADE USING THE LETTERS FROM ANOTHER WORD OR PHRASE. REARRANGE THE LETTERS BELOW TO ANSWER:

Who says you can’t discriminate in marriage?

SLUG HERBERT JOY BED

_____ ______ ______

cryptogram

JANE’S WORLD

A CRYPTOGRAM IS A PUZZLE WHERE ONE LETTER IN THE PUZZLE IS SUBSTITUTED WITH ANOTHER. FOR EXAMPLE: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! HAS THE SOLUTION: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! IN THE ABOVE EXAMPLE ES ARE ALL REPLACED

BY CS. THE PUZZLE IS SOLVED BY RECOGNIZING LETTER PATTERNS IN WORDS AND SUCCESSIVELY SUBSTITUTING LETTERS UNTIL THE SOLUTION IS REACHED. THIS WEEK’S HINT: R=A

Theme: Utah Marriage:

VGRW’B HRLB RYP QJBDNRYB CRZZLNYH AQNJB NY GWJ ARTJ KA GZRPNGNKYRQ VGRW CRZZNRHJ DJGSJJY R CRY RYP R SKCRY … RYP RYKGWJZ SKCRY … RYP RYKGWJZ SKCRY … RYP GWZJJ CKZJ. ____’_ ____ ___ ________ ________ _____ __ ___ ____ __ ___________ ____ ________ _______ _ ___ ___ _ _____ ... ___ _______ _____ ... ___ _______ _____ ... ___ _____ ____.

PUZZLE ANSWERS ON PAGE 54

february, 2014 | issue 228 | gaysaltlake.com

COMICS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 49

50 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | HOROSCOPES Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into

Q doku

Each Sudoku puzzlespaces. has a unique solution canone be reached logicalthe blank Every row mustwhich contain of each digit, as ly without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every must eachone column anddigit, eachas3x3 square.

Qdoku isand actually five row must contain of each must each column each 3x3 separate, but connected, Sudoku square. Qdoku is actually five separate, butpuzzles. connected, Sudoku puzzles.

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Level: EASY

Level: Easy

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9

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

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ARIES March 20–April 19 Things could have a tendency to get out of hand, but it’s okay. You will be walking on sunshine! A new discovery of love or friendship may leave you energized and ready to face any challenge. A family member that normally bothers you will not even factor into your agenda.

TAURUS Apr 20–May 20 A sea of emotions may end up crashing a few waves upon your shores. Don’t fear removing your shoes and letting your hair down. Love and satisfaction are bound to come your way. Don’t let your high structure need prevent you from having a grand ol’ time.

GEMINI May 21–June 20 Pop in to see a good buddy or take time to see a popcorn flick. You’re in desperate need of some mindless fun. A co-worker could provide some surprising insight and leave you questioning your perception of them. Switch into a party mode and invite some unlikely participants.

CANCER June 21–July 22 The winds of change have a way of blowing you to a quiet place. You may find your quiet times are better when shared with others. Take a companion out to a quiet dinner or spend time cuddling with a movie. Occupy yourself with classy and edgy entertainment.

LEO July 23–August 22 You may feel as though you can take on the world, but it’s a big place. Even you have limits, Leo. Take life one task at a time and don’t take it all at once. A child or young one will look to you for inspiration; behave when this person is around. When they go, let yourself go wild.

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22 This could be a good time to get your finances in order.

Balance will lead to a place where your mind can wander free. Explore the possibilities in love matters and put your worries aside from time to

time. A sweet revelation could leave you breathless.

LIBRA Sept 23–October 22 You have a good eye for seeing things that are out of place. Use this sense to guide through an emotional dilemma.

Good times are available if you know where to find them. Hold on to sweet memories and be sure to create new ones as well. Keep active.

SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21 Follow your heart when dealing with a close friend or lover.

You may want to overindulge, which is fine, but keep things in check. Revisit a forgotten place or re-discover an old passion. The past has a way of supplying pleasures you may not be currently experiencing.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22– December 20.

A cute lover or friend cheers your spirit when they are around. Invite this person over to lift your spirits. Career obligations will seem overwhelming so enjoy life when possible. You can’t mix business and pleasure, but you can flip-flop between the two.

CAPRICORN Dec. 21– Jan. 19 There is unexplored territory in this world and now is the perfect time to go on an adventure.

Seek out new experiences and try out new things. If you have a companion, take them with you. It’s amazing how much can be learned by simply looking around.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18 Your imagination has a way of helping you when you least expect it. Keep your thoughts on good things, and don’t be afraid to experience pleasurable possibilities.

Work may offer big challenges, but keep your head high and you shall overcome them.

PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19 Do the things you love and avoid confrontations. Some friendly competition could get out of hand, so spend some time doing cooperative recreational activities. A slippery slide of emotions could be in store. Brace yourself and you could walk away a winner. Q

CROSSWORD | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 51

february, 2014 | issue 228

It Figures, Skater

47 Whisper sweet nothings ACROSS 48 Have coming 1 “Hold your horses!”

52 Campbell of Martin 5 Resided 53 Where to see two 10 Words in an analogy bears at night 14 Apiece 54 Cara of Fame fame 55 G, for one 15 City of Lorca’s 57 Black eye homeland 58 End of the quote 16 Helped with a line 62 English actress 17 Homo leader to Diana toga-wearers?

63 Dutch resort isle 18 ___ Room 64 One on Bernstein’s 19 Composer Thomas staff?

20 Start of a quote 65 Curve shape from Brian Boitano 66 Use your butt to 23 Legal matters demonstrate 24 Showy bloomers 67 Composer Rorem 25 Threesome on a DOWN sundial 1 Pee-___ Herman 27 Come together 2 Estate for Frida 29 Singer Marilyn 3 Special time 31 Clay Aiken was 4 Clumsy come-on almost one 5 Bolivian city that 32 More of the quote means “peace” 37 Go on and on 6 Trump ex 38 Peter Pan pooch 7 Record material 39 The Jungle novelist 8 Top Sinclair 9 Country house, to 40 Ingrid’s Casablanca Nureyev role 10 “___ almost taste it!”

41 More of the quote 11 Extremely precise 12 They may mount 44 Orgasm, e.g.

13 Verse on a vase 21 Poet Sarton 22 Conclusion of sex?

23 Screw royally 26 Tiny bit 28 Main members of fleets 30 Standard 32 Believe, informally 33 Spartacus and others 34 “Not to worry!”

35 “But there is ___ in Mudville ...”

36 Horny African animal 42 Kitchen appliance brand 43 Bessie of the blues 44 Went boldly 45 Instruments for Elton John 46 Sunflowers 49 The Bible Belt, e.g.

50 “Jailhouse Rock” singer?

51 Came together 56 Foie follower 57 Adult ugly duckling 59 Corn starter 60 Family magazine 61 J. Edgar Hoover’s org.

ANSWERS ON PAGE 54

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52 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | ADVICE

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

mr. manners

An ode to beauty

BY ROCK MAGEN

Being

the Mr. Manners columnist I am privy to constructing witty columns based in providing life advice and etiquette, but recently I heard something that made me stop and think.

I’ll protect the identity of the individual, but the gist of the conversation was the subject of beauty.

To paraphrase, “I have never been told I am beautiful, and I fear I will never have anyone love me.” Contemplating the response, I was struck with two things to say: “It’s what you give that makes you beautiful, and how you live that makes your dreams come true.”

It’s been said, and I’ll agree, that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe the crowd you are currently with does not value your beauty. The “image” associated with beauty changes drastically depending on where you are, so maybe a change of scenery is ap-

Give a Little

propriate. Another thing to consider is that beauty fades. Over time we lose our looks, but the value of our hearts and the caliber of person we are will never leave us.

Now, don’t take this to say you should not hit the gym (I do intense weight lifting and cardio six days a week), but I also make sure to take time for working on my heart.

Those who may not think you are beautiful, may have been blessed (and work toward) external beauty, but the process of strengthening character is a separate venture than building biceps. Yes, making and keeping a regiment of physical health and beauty builds devotion and structure in ones life — all good for the character — but you have to find those other things in life that excite you.

Not having someone to “love you or call you beautiful” should never limit you.

I think back to the many great experiences I have had in life, and many of them were lonely ventures, but had I not gone out willing to conquer, I would never had been successful.

Try this. Think of something you feel would be impossible for you to do, a dream that perhaps is out of reach. Now break it down into manageable tasks, and before you know it, the impossible becomes possible. In-

corporating this into your life is making how you live also make your dreams come true.

The last thing to consider while doing this is what you give. Placing emphasis beyond yourself is a wonderful way of attracting others to you. Isn’t it interesting how that works? Regardless of how you look, self-confidence is always sexy and always in style. More than anything, people are attracted to confidence. If you like who you are and radiate confidence, then people will want to be a part of that.

On a closing note, I believe that my philosophy on beauty and revenge go hand in hand. The best revenge is “looking good and being successful.” I wholeheartedly believe this because it encourages you to be your personal best and focuses on you rather than actions of revenge against someone else.

To all of those who have never told you that you are beautiful, or blatantly gone out of their way to show disapproval of you, their beauty will fade in time, and all they will be left with is an ugly soul. So, hold your head high, live your life with integrity, and I guarantee that you will be blessed not only with beauty, but also with grace. Believe me, that is a combination that anyone will find attractive. Q

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54 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD

gaysaltlake.com | issue 228 | february, 2014

the perils of petunia pap smear

The tale of the wedding-bell blues

BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR

The road

to the perfect wedding is fraught with danger and excitement.

I happened to be driving through Beowawee, Nev., listening to the radio, when I heard the news that Judge Shelby had declared Amendment 3 unconstitutional. My habitual reaction to hearing the name Shelby is to channel my inner Steel Magnolia and say out loud, “Drink your juice Shelby.”

Then, I happily realized gay couples were lining up to get married. As I drove back across the pitch dark salt flats, I lamented that I could not make it back in time to get married myself, and that my window of opportunity had probably passed by.

When Sunday night rolled around and there still was no stay by the court, I sat across the table from Mr. Pap Smear, my long-suffering lover of 24 years, and watched the news report that couples were camping out overnight at the County Clerk office to get married first thing Monday morning. We looked at each other and I said, “Should we?”And he said, “Maybe we’d better.” It was not quite the dream proposal I had always envisioned, but with the governor

PUZZLE SOLUTIONS

ranting about getting the court to cease and desist, practicality was the order of the day.

We got up at 4:30 a.m., Monday morning, and stopped at McDonalds to get some sausage McMuffins off the dollar menu.

As we drove into Salt Lake City, I worried about many things as I munched on my muffin: We don’t have rings. I need a hair cut. I’m 70 pounds to heavy for wedding photos. We don’t have tuxedos. We don’t even have the day off work.

We arrived at the County Building just after 6 a.m. A very nice police officer directed us to go to the second floor and get in line. After turning about seven corners and walking the distance of a couple city blocks, we finally came to our place in line.

We were couple number 158. As we waited in the crowded hallway, the temperature began to rise to an uncomfortable level. I wished I had worn my twirling pinwheel breasticles in order to move some air.

There was a distinct air of excitement as 8 o’clock rolled around and one couple at a time entered the Clerks office, and then in about five-minute intervals, cheers erupted as couples re-emerged and descended to the lower floor of the atrium

Cryptogram: UTAH’S GAYS AND LESBIANS MARRYING FLIES IN THE FACE OF TRADITIONAL UTAH MARRIAGE BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOM-

Anagram: JUDGE ROBERT SHELBY AN … AND ANOTHER WOMAN … AND ANOTHER WOMAN … AND 3 MORE

where a veritable army of clergy had amassed to bless the nuptials. At about 8:30, someone came through the line and handed out a paper with the Salt Lake County Seal stating: Notice: Please be advised that based on the advice of our District Attorney, if a stay is issued by Judge Shelby as a result of the hearing being held this morning at 9:00 am or by the 10th Circuit Court, we will issue licenses only to those couples who have already submitted their application to our cashier and paid for the license.

However, we will be required to immediately halt accepting additional applications as a matter of law. If that occurs, security officers will ask individuals waiting in line to quietly leave the building. Thank you for patience and cooperation and best wishes, Sherrie Swensen, Salt Lake County Clerk.

I worried we might not make it through in time. My greatest fears were allayed when Salt Lake’s Fairy Godmother, Ben Williams, flitted by, announcing that the Judge had denied the stay. Then workers from the health department came around, singing Christmas carols and handing out candy.

Finally, after six hours, it was our turn to enter the Clerk office and sign the papers.

Wouldn’t you know, just as I laid down the pen, my work phone rang and a dispatcher in Denver wanted to know if I could come right into work.

I don’t think he believed me when I told him I was trying to get married, and then he heard cheering in the background.

Precious license gripped

tightly in my sadly glitter-free hand, we went downstairs and found Pastor Curtis Price, from First Baptist Church. A small group of our friends had received permission from some very militant-looking lesbians to step out from their places in line to witness our ceremony.

Suddenly, a TV camera and a reporter from Channel 4 approached and asked if they could tape the ceremony. Oh sure, why the hell not.

Pastor Curtis told us to hold hands, and he addressed Mr. Pap Smear first. I couldn’t believe what was happening. Here was a real preacher saying the real words, with a camera pointing at us and a reporter holding a microphone, and our friends gathered around. The built-up tension and stress just got to me and I began to bawl. When it came time for Curtis to ask me the question, I almost could not squeak out the words “I Do.” While unstoppable tears flowed freely down my face, the reporter kept asking me questions. What a bawling, incoherent boob I was. To my ultimate horror, my tear-stained face was on the 5 and 10 o’clock news, and then was picked up by CNN and repeated nationwide, all the next day.

As always, these events leave us with several burning eternal questions: 1. Do McDonalds sausage McMuffins count as our wedding breakfast?

2. If I had worn my twirling breasticles to cool me down, could I have avoided the oncamera meltdown?

3. Should I have worn mascara that streaked, to make the video shot more dramatic?

4. Should I help Mr. Pap Smear pick out my wedding ring?

These and other important questions to be answered in future chapters of The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear. Q

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9 6 1 4 8 5 3 7 2

3 9 4 7 8 5 2 1 6 3 5 8 7 4 9 8 6 3 5 1 2

7 5 2 6 3 1 8 4 9 7 6 2 1 3 5 4 7 2 8 6 9

1 8 6 2 9 4 3 5 7 1 4 9 2 6 8 1 5 9 4 7 3

4 2 1 5 9 8 6 3 7 8 7 5 9 2 6 4 3 1

8 9 3 6 1 7 2 5 4 4 6 3 1 7 8 5 9 2

5 7 6 3 2 4 1 9 8 9 2 1 5 4 3 6 7 8

6 8 7 9 4 5 3 2 1 5 4 9 8 1 2 7 6 3

3 1 2 7 8 6 9 4 5 6 1 8 3 5 7 9 2 4

9 5 4 2 3 1 7 8 6 2 3 7 4 6 9 1 8 5

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