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4 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | STAFF

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

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6 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 10TH ANNIVERSARY

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

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gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

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QSaltLake Magazine is a trademark of Gay Salt Lake, Inc. Copyright © 2014, Salt Lick Publishing, LLC. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted or reproduced without written permission from the publisher. 15,000 copies of QSaltLake Magazine are distributed free of charge at over 300 locations across the Wasatch Front. Free copies are limited to one per person. For additional copies, contact us at 801-649-6663. It is a crime to destroy or dispose of current issues or otherwise interfere with the distribution of this newsmagazine. Publication of the name or photograph of any individual or organization in articles or advertising in QSaltLake Magazine is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons.

Printed in the U.S.A. on recycled paper.

Please recycle this copy when you are through with it.

I a m n ot I a m I am hateful Pati e nt Lo vea ble I Am Not Sorry for I a m who I am Beautiful

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10 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FIRST PERSON

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014 Volume 1, Issue 1 April 29, 2004

Our decennial anniversary

by Michael Aaron

I’m sure

you noticed as you picked up this issue that we have changed things up a little bit. We made the decision early this year to go glossy with a part of the magazine and upgrade our paper on the rest, and we decided there was no better time than our tenth anniversary issue.

You may or may not recognize the cover we chose for this issue as well. Issue number one had this very same cover, and it is as true today as it was 10 years ago, when Utahns were going to the polls to vote on a state constitutional amendment that would ban same-sex marriages and anything else that smells of it.

The fact that the cover resonates today in the same way it did back then is telling.

But today we have been winning battles across the nation and in this state. In fact, most can envision a time in the not-sodistant future when the war will be over.

The world has changed dramatically in the past decade. It is no longer news when two men or two women kiss on a television show on sets in the living rooms across the country. More and more people are publicly acknowledging their sexuality, even sports figures.

I’m proud of what our community has accomplished, how we now engage people in conversation rather than screaming matches and how we know that we must be patient with those who oppose us, as they are being dragged into a new world they are not yet accustomed to.

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I’m also proud of QSaltLake’s accomplishments — surviving being a big one. We have, now for ten years, brought the conversation not only among members of our community, but between our community and others. I’m proud that a significant number of moms, dads, family and friends of our community read these pages religiously.

Isn’t it exciting to think of where we’ll be in another 10 years? Q

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may, 2014 | issue 231 | gaysaltlake.com

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 11

12 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Dabakis resigns as Demo chair Openly gay Utah state Sen. Jim Dabakis announced his resignation as chair of the state Democratic Party on March 24.

In an email sent out to Democrats across the state, Dabakis said that his tenure as chair was transformative, yet extremely taxing on his personal life. He said he is resigning for family reasons and medical issues.

While I spend the next months fighting some medical issues, I can assure you that my voice still works. I will stay in the Senate and run for re-election (I have 3 tough Tea Party opponents). Frankly, the Senate job is very genteel, unlike the party chair’s 24/7 war. I can handle the Senate job and do what I need to do to get physically better. Quitting one job was a compromise I made with Stephen (my partner of 27 years and husband of 3 months).

Hundreds gathered in Utah for marriage equality team send-off On April 7, hundreds of people gathered in Library Square in support of the plaintiffs and attorneys in the Kitchen v. Herbert marriage equality case as they prepare for that Thursday’s hearing before the Tenth Circuit Court of Appeals in Denver.

Utah Unites For Marriage, a new coalition of human rights groups, hosted the event with their co-chair, Salt Lake City Mayor Ralph Becker, as the emcee. Becker praised the plaintiffs for their courage in filing this case. He recalled December 20, 2013, the day Judge Robert Shelby struck down Utah’s Amendment 3, as one of the most memorable of his political career.

On that day, Mayor Becker was at the Salt Lake County Clerk’s office performing weddings for newly-legal same-sex couples.

Three of the plaintiffs in the suit, Moudi Sbeity, Kate Call, and Kody Partridge, also addressed the crowd. They shared their stories of love, of commitment, and of pain.

Kate’s wife (recognized in Iowa, not Utah) was unable to attend due to medical issues.

Kate reiterated the importance of marriage and what that security would mean for her and her wife. She added, “Utah is the perfect place for non-traditional marriage!”

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

news The top things you should know happened last month (Full stories at gaysaltlake.com.)

Thousands of students to participate in Day of Silence Hundreds of thousands of students at more than 8,000 schools participated in the 19th annual GLSEN Day of Silence on Friday to raise awareness about the pervasiveness of anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment in schools.

LGBT students and their allies remained silent throughout the school day or during non-instructional time to illustrate the silencing effect of anti-LGBT bias and behavior.

“GLSEN’s Day of Silence has changed me as a person,” said Christin Manus, a 17-year-old high school junior from Dacula, Ga. “When I was a freshman in high school, I was incredibly shy and not quite out of the closet. I found it difficult to love myself and speak out. I came out on Day of Silence that year. People called me fag and slammed me into lockers. Day of Silence is important to me because I want to be the voice of all the kids who are afraid and scared to be who they are.”

Salt Lake man knocked unconscious defending gay friend According to Salt Lake City police, a straight man was punched in the face and knocked unconscious while he was defending his gay friend downtown Friday night, April 4.

“Two male victims were involved in a verbal dispute with a group of Middle Eastern or Indian males who took offense to the perceived sexual preference of the victims,” a report reads. “As the victims were standing outside on the sidewalk,

one of the suspects approached one of the victims and punched him in the face, knocking him unconscious.”

The suspect ran off and the victim’s friend tried to catch him, but was unsuccessful.

The victims described the suspect as a Middle Eastern or Indian male with an olive complexion and wearing a hoodie.

LGBT Job Fair an ‘amazing success’ The Transgender Education Advocates (TEA) of Utah hosted their second annual LGBT Job Fair at the Salt Lake County complex on April 3. The event was attended by 10 local employers, all committed to LGBT equality in the workplace, and about 50 job-seekers, significantly surpassing last year’s inaugural numbers.

TEA of Utah Executive Director Connie Anast-Inman explained that the primary goal of the job fair is to show employers that “the LGBT community has an immense amount of untapped talent,” and to help that talent find jobs with companies who appreciate them and value diversity.

Anast-Inman added, “employment is crucial to a person’s well-being and sense of self-worth.” Current statistics demonstrate that the LGBT community suffers from much higher rates of unemployment than the national average. The trans* community, she noted, suffers at even more disproportionate levels.

The event was such a success that many of the participating employers have asked that it be expanded to happen twice per year. TEA of Utah is currently evaluating that request to see if another event can be set up for this fall.

Mississippi governor proudly signs anti-gay ‘Religious Freedom Restoration Act’ Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant, said he was “proud to sign” the Religious Freedom Restoration Act at a ceremony today, an act that gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and advocates see as a step toward state approved anti-gay discrimination.

“I am proud to sign the Mississippi Religious Freedom Restoration Act today, which will protect the individual religious freedom of Mississippians of all faiths from government interference,” the Republican governor said.

“Mississippi has now joined 18 other states to defend religious freedoms on a state level,” the governor continued.

may, 2014 | issue 231 | gaysaltlake.com

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 13

Harvey Milk stamp will debut at White House May 22 The U.S. Postal Service annouced Friday, April 11, that the Harvey Milk stamp will receive a White House debut on the anniversary of Milk’s birthday — May 22. A public dedication ceremony will take place in San Francisco, May 28.

A black-and-white photograph of Harvey Milk (1930-78) will be used for the central design of the forthcoming United States commemorative

forever stamp honoring the San Francisco political figure and gay rights activist. The photo of Milk was taken by his friend, photographer Dan Nicoletta.

The 49 cent forever stamp will be the nation’s first honoring an American for his role in the fight for LGBT rights.

“As letters and postcards are sent across the nation and around the globe, they can now bear the face of a man, my uncle, who gave his life in the struggle for human rights to ensure equality for every minority group and marginalized community,” stated Stuart Milk, the gay nephew of Milk who co-founded the Harvey Milk Foundation, in a statement released shortly after today’s postal service announcement. “The Harvey

Milk Forever Stamp, which further memorializes Harvey’s legacy of hope, is a gift to help us all remember where we’ve been and the work we still need to do.”

The White House stamp dedication ceremony with President Barack Obama, who awarded Harvey Milk a presidential honor posthumously, “comes with incredibly special significance,” added Milk.

“President Obama and his administration have provided the nation with steadfast and trendsetting leadership in support of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community in the U.S. and abroad,” stated Milk. “May 22, Harvey Milk Day, is celebrated annually on my uncle’s birthday as an official California State holiday and is recognized in communities around the world as a day for all minority groups to collaborate on the vigilance needed to achieve fully inclusive human rights for everyone, everywhere.”

Milk was a community activist, business owner in the gay Castro district of San Francisco, and a political columnist for the B.A.R. during the 1970s.

His life and that of then-Mayor George Moscone came to a tragic end on the morning of November 27, 1978 when disgruntled former supervisor, Dan White, killed the progressive politicians in City Hall.

The idea of a Milk stamp first arose in the late 1980s, when San Francisco artist Jim Leff painted a mock-up of what such a stamp could look like. In 2005, San Francisco’s 11-member Board of Supervisors unanimously passed a resolution calling on the U.S. postmaster general to issue one for the gay rights leader. The idea began to gain momentum in 2009. Q

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14 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

Utah plaintiff couples outside the Byron White U.S. Courthouse in Denver. Left to right: Kate Call, Karen Archer, Laurie Wood, Kody Partridge, Derek Kitchen and Moudi Sbeity

History was made in Denver The state of Utah and three same-sex couples argue in federal court

by Bob Henline

It is almost 10:00 AM on Thursday, April 10. One row in front of me, Moudi Sbeity sits with his arm around the shoulder of Derek Kitchen. Next to them, in a similar pose, Kate Call holds Karen Archer. Sitting next to Kody Partridge, Laurie Wood glances back with an optimistic smile and raises crossed fingers for luck.

As these six people, plaintiffs in the case

of Kitchen v. Herbert, sat in the courtroom and waited for the panel of Tenth Circuit Court of Appeals judges to begin the hearing they appeared happy and hopeful, but the tension in the room was palpable. This hearing, and the ruling that will stem from it, is deeply personal to these six plaintiffs, and to thousands of other Utahns sitting in legal limbo awaiting it.

Plaintiffs and Restore Our Humanity founder Mark Lawrence (blue shirt) entering the courthouse

The story begins in early 2013, when Mark Lawrence called a meeting in Salt Lake City and proposed the idea that a lawsuit be filed against the State of Utah to overturn Utah’s 10-year-old Amendment 3, which forever prohibits not just samesex marriage but also any other relationship with a substantially equivalent legal effect.

From that meeting, Restore Our Humanity was born. Currently pending IRS approval as a 501(c)3 non-profit, Restore was responsible for hiring the attorneys — Magleby & Greenwood of Salt Lake City — and for bringing the plaintiffs together.

They have assumed financial responsibility for the case and are actively raising funds to meet those obligations. The case, now known as Kitchen v. Herbert, was filed in the United States District Court for Utah in Salt Lake City on March 25, 2013.

The case reached national prominence on December 20, 2013, when Judge Robert Shelby issued summary judgment. He ruled that Amendment 3 and the related laws that prohibit same-sex marriage were in violation of the equal protection clause of the United States Constitution, and were, therefore, struck down. The state, after bumbling between courts, was finally granted a stay by the United States Supreme Court on January 6 of this year after some 1,200 Utah couples obtained and exercises legal marriage licenses.

PHOTOS: MATT SPENCER

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 15

may, 2014 | issue 231 | gaysaltlake.com

The state’s case

belongs exclusively to the voters of Utah.

The state then filed an appeal and hired outside counsel, Gene Schaerr, to represent Utah. The appeal, as with the original defense, focused on the argument that the state of Utah has a vested interest in defending “traditional marriage,” or marriage between one man and one woman.

The state further argued that the voters of Utah have the unquestioned right to define marriage in accordance with their own views, exclusive of the Constitution and federal judges.

Interestingly, the night before the appeal hearing, the state backed down from its claim that same-sex households produce inferior child outcomes. Schaerr submitted a letter to the court retracting the state’s use of the often-debunked Regnerus study, writing, “the Regnerus study cannot be viewed as conclusively establishing that raising a child in a same-sex household produces outcomes that are inferior to those produced by man-woman parenting arrangements.”

He took that a step further during his oral argument, acknowledging to the panel that there is no conclusive evidence, even outside the Regnerus study, to suggest that same-sex households produce inferior child outcomes. He used that as the basis for his argument that the state doesn’t need conclusive evidence on the subject.

Instead, he argued, the state has the right to define marriage in this manner in order to reduce any risk that might be possible for inferior child outcomes to occur.

Schaerr went on to argue that removing men from the family equation, in the case of lesbian families, sends a signal to society that men are not needed. That signal, he argued, would result in men abandoning their children and families. He failed to explain exactly how that would happen, and none of the judges inquired.

Schaerr’s final argument was to reject the Supreme Court precedent established in the 1967 case of Loving v. Virginia. In Loving, the court ruled not only that laws prohibiting interracial marriage were unconstitutional, it also definitively asserted marriage as a “fundamental right.” Schaerr argued that this precedent did not apply to the case at bar because Loving was about a marriage between a man and a woman, and that fit within the traditional definition of marriage. He further argued that the court couldn’t grant same-sex marriage the same status as a “fundamental right” until they defined marriage. That right, he claimed,

The Plaintiffs’ Case The plaintiffs’ attorney, Peggy Tomsic, began her argument with an assertion that the 14th Amendment to the United States Constitution is the issue, and that it ensures that no state can treat American citizens unequally.

“Every state,” she said, “is bound by the 14th Amendment’s equal protection and due process clauses.”

Before she could get too deeply into her oral argument, the panel interrupted her and asked what legal standard should be applied to the case. Tomsic, countering Schaerr’s assertion of a rational basis standard, argued that this case should be looked at under heightened scrutiny. Based upon the reaction of the judges, it appears that this legal technicality could be very important in the final ruling. Under a heightened scrutiny rationale, the judges seemed already convinced that the plaintiff couples would prevail. If that standard was reduced to rational basis, one judge expressed to Tomsic, “I don’t see how you can win.”

Tomsic disagreed with the judge, pointing out that Judge Shelby ruled on a rational basis standard because “he did not need to go to heightened scrutiny because the law failed under rational basis review.”

Judge Paul J. Kelly, Jr., considered to be the most conservative on the panel, argued with Tomsic about the presence of animus in the law. He argued that animus was not present and that this law was an expression of Utah’s public policy. Judge Carlos F. Lucero interrupted and asked Tomsic if public policy trumps constitutional rights.

Tomsic, of course, answered no.

Tomsic’s secondary argument was that the state could define no nexus, or correlation, between a ban on same-sex marriage and the benefits associated with stable man-woman families. Tomsic argued that, even if the state had a vested interest in promoting stable man-woman family structures, there is nothing in this law that does so.

What it comes down to It is apparent that the two primary factors in deciding this case will be first, what level of judicial review is to be applied?

The answer to this question will likely set the tone for the flood of appeals currently working their way through the courts at this time. The second question at hand will be to clarify the precedent set in the United

States v.Windsor ruling that overturned parts of the federal Defense of Marriage Act. Most observers of the proceedings seem to agree that the judges’ decisions had already been reached prior to the hearing, and that Judges Jerome A. Holmes and Lucero will likely rule to affirm Judge Shelby’s decision with Judge Kelly ruling against the plaintiffs in dissent. One

Plaintiffs’ attorney Peggy Tomsic speaks to reporters.

observer noted that neither party was overwhelming in their oral arguments, but that the state’s attorney made more mistakes than did the plaintiffs’.

It seems almost anti-climactic, in a way, to see the thousands of hours of work by the attorneys and the fundraising and community events by the plaintiffs and Restore Our Humanity all culminate in an hour of oral arguments before a panel of judges and then just walk away from the courthouse with no idea when a ruling will be issued.

Anti-climactic or not, however, history was made in Denver last week. Q More information on Restore Our Humanity and how to support them can be found at restoreourhumanity.org.

16 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

Marriage plaintiffs will be grand marshals for Utah Pride Entertainment headliners will be Betty Who and Steve Grand Utah Pride announced this year’s Parade will be led by the three couples from Utah’s marriage equality case — Laurie Wood and Kody Patridge, Moudi Sbeity and Derek Kitchen, Kate Call and Karen Archer.

“They have taken the lead in the court case against Utah’s Amendment 3 and exemplify the courage, tenacity and heart of so many LGBTQ Americans who have worked, and continue to work, for equality under the law,” leaders said in a statement.

Laurie and Kody “I really got involved with that [a Spanish Fork Teacher who was fired for being a lesbian] and followed that with Wendy and her partner and kids. She was so brave.

I’m not sure I could do that but I really hope the opportunity comes some day,” Laurie said.

The couple were married in Salt Lake City on Dec. 20, 2013, along with 170 other Utah couples. Their involvement with the lawsuit and the Utah Pride Parade is one of building bridges.

“There are a lot of people, straight and gay, who feel a certain level of pride about what has happened in this state since Dec. 4 and more so since Dec. 20th. This is about Utah reclaiming a new reputation — a new state, a state that welcomes diversity,” Kody said.

Derick and Moudi Derek recalls changing lawn signs for Amendment 3 in the South Jordan neighborhood where he grew up from vote “yes” to vote “no” with a magic marker. “I was directly affected by Amendment 3. I was 16 and the only way I knew how to express PLAINTIFF PHOTOS: MATT SPENCER

in Utah, it would be in place,” said Kate.

There will be a Grand Marshal Reception in their honor on Friday, June 6, beginning at 7pm on the Main Stage of the Festical grounds. Tickets are available at utahpridefestival.org

2014 Headliners

The Utah Pride Festival is excited to announce Betty Who and Steve Grand as our Headliners for 2014. Click the images to head to their facebook pages. They will be performing on the Main Stage during the Utah Pride Festival.

my concern was to change the yard signs.

It was empowering,” Derek said.

The couple became engaged on Valentine’s Day. Their decision to join the lawsuit was not easily made — both had concerns about potential backlash to their business and Moudi was afraid of the added stress the media attention around the case could cause his family in Lebanon.

“My hope is that my personal story reaches Lebanese shores and can be a part of a broader change in my home country,” Moudi said.

Kate and Karen Karen met Kate online in 2010 and moved to Southern Utah in 2011 to be with her.

Kate worked as a caretaker at the University of Utah Rio Mesa Research station.

Throughout their lives, the women have seen first-hand the necessity of the legality of marriage and have suffered discrimination for being lesbians. With Karen’s health issues looming, they were ardent that being legally married was imperative.

With very little money, they traveled to Iowa and were married on July, 7, 2011.

“We wanted to get married in a state it was legal so the moment marriage was legal

Betty Who Who is Betty Who? You won’t be asking for long. The 22 year-old singer born Jess Newham is making waves with her debut EP, “The Movement” and its unstoppable single “Somebody Loves You.” Betty’s success is her ability to bridge past and future music trends, mixing classic synthpop production with her uniquely modern singing and songwriting voice.

Betty writes all her song lyrics solo. The beats so far have been crafted in collaboration with producer Peter Thomas, who has previously worked with Victoria Justice and Selena Gomez. Platonic soulmates since age 18, the pair operate under the motto that “making something good is easy, the challenge is making it right.”

They hit the mainstream this September when “Somebody Loves You” soundtracked the viral YouTube hit “Spencer’s Home Depot Marriage Proposal.” The choreographed flash mob dancing to Betty’s beats already has over 10 million views. The dancing is great and the couple is adorable, but it’s “Somebody’s” infectious joy that really gets you. The track debuted at number 4 on Spotify’s most viral list.

“There’s nothing individual about recreating the sound of a past generation,” says Betty. “When I create something I want to make sure it has a lot of substance, a lot of emotional depth that reflects my life Betty Who PHOTO: Sean Hagwell

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 17

may, 2014 | issue 231 | gaysaltlake.com

and experiences. A huge part of what I do is taking influences from [past] music and mixing it in with the emotions I’m actually living through. We’re all secretly wrecks and we’re all in love and all being heartbroken. Combining those things for me has been a huge tool to get the sound I want.

Steve Grand Not long ago, Steve Grand was a littleknown singer-songwriter from a Chicago suburb. But that all changed July 2, 2013, when his self-funded music video, “AllAmerican Boy,” posted to YouTube. It went viral instantly, accumulating more than 1.5 million views in the first two weeks, and more than 2.7 million today.

Within days, Steve landed on “Good Morning America,” CNN and other national media — hailed as a “viral sensation” and one of America’s “first openly gay country stars.” Buzzfeed ranked the video on its list of the “24 Most Brilliant Music Videos from 2013,” and Out magazine named Grand to its annual “OUT 100” list of the year’s most compelling LGBT people.

The song, set against a backdrop of country roads, an American flag, and friends around a campfire, struck a chord because it simply, beautifully tells the story of unrequited love between two men.

Recently Steve released his second single, “Stay.”

In addition to being a musician, Steve has become an active figure in the equality movement. He has performed at Pride events around the nation — and has partnered with causes such as The Human Rights Campaign, The Anti-Violence Project, Bailey House, the GLSEN Respect Awards, Out & Equal Workplace Advocates and the March on Springfield for Marriage Equality.

Steve has produced a substantial catalog of compositions and recordings, some of which he plans to release in the spring of 2014 on his first full-length album. Q Betty Who PHOTO: Sean Hagwell

SAGE Utah resumes activities after signing agreement with Utah Pride Center The Utah Pride Center has announced that SAGE Utah, a very popular program serving Utah’s elder LGBT community, is reemerging since suspending activities last fall.

A “memorandum of understanding” was reached between the SAGE Advisory Board and the Utah Pride Center board, allowing the group to move forward.

When the SAGE director position was eliminated last fall, the program leaders demonstrated powerful advocacy to ensure that their program activities continued with the community leadership that had been fostered. Charles Lynn Frost, the much loved director of SAGE Utah led the program over the last two years to become one of the most successful programs at Utah Pride.

Frost, Jerry Buie and Michael Sanders formed a committee to work with designated Center board members on the process of bringing SAGE and the Center together.

Many meetings ensued over the last several months, and the memo of understanding was approved unanimously by the Sage Advisory Board and signed by Steven Ha, the new executive director of UPC. “Supporting community-based organizations that creatively and effectively meet the needs of the LGBTQ community is embodied by our SAGE program and these

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great leaders,” Ha said after signing the agreement.

The memo includes a small budget provided by the Center, independentlymanaged financials and a separate bank account. SAGE will develop programs, special events and community services for the elder LGBT community without a complicated approval process.

SAGE Utah will now begin to resurrect its monthly email community newsletter, as well as the popular quarterly potluck socials.

The first potluck social will be held May 10 in downtown Salt Lake City at the Culinary Crafts Tasting Room. The event will be a simple cocktail party serving hors d’oeuvres. SAGE hopes a simpler party format will make the events easier for attendees to prepare pot luck dishes, which will increase both attendance and the fun.

SAGE has also scheduled its annual Summer BBQ for August 16, at Fairmont Park.

The SAGE Utah advisory board members have elected Ingrid Davis and Michael Sanders as co-chairs, Brent Marrott as secretary/treasurer and the rest of the advisory board including: David S. Andreason, Julie Anderson, Jerry Buie, Ingrid Davis, Charles Lynn Frost, Peggy Kjelstrom, Daniel Musto and Mary Olsen. Q

Embracing the health & resilience of our community

18 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

Let Love Define Family

by Rich Valenza

Some LGBT parents are sensitive about being outed in their communities. Fathers Dave and David Bocanegra, however, have grown accustomed to being outed on a regular basis. Their 4-year-old daughter Dahlia very proudly tells everyone she meets, “I have two daddies!”

“Despite living in Utah,” said Dave, “we have actually been treated very well in our community. My husband volunteers at our daughter’s school every week and her teacher even added same-sex parents to the classroom discussion about families.”

David Taylor-Bocanegra, 38, works as the office manager of a Salt Lake City hospital. His husband, David Bocanegra, 39, is a registered nurse. To mark their 15th anniversary, the couple flew to California to be legally married. Their path to parenthood together, however, was a roller coaster ride of emotions.

Dave and David used to have many long talks about whether or not they would have children.

“One day,” said Dave, “David and I were talking about where we were in our lives

and whether or not children would be possible. I remember crying because I had come to the conclusion that having a child might never happen for us. God must have heard me, because we got a call the very next day that completely changed our lives.”

Dave’s life-long friend had called them to tell them she just learned that she was pregnant.

After years of being told she could no longer have children, she was totally surprised by this pregnancy. As a single mom with two teenage boys, she felt unprepared to raise the child herself and asked Dave and David if they would adopt the baby.

“That’s the 100 percent truth,” exclaimed Dave, “but the adoption was rocky, because even though the mother knew it would be hard to raise another kid on her own, the decision was a difficult one to live with. It was especially hard when she found out the sex of the baby, because she had always wanted a girl.”

Dave and David promised the mother they would keep her involved in her daughter’s life. “We knew at any moment

Q mmunity 10th Annual FABBY Awards and QSaltLake Anniversay On April 29, 2004, QSaltLake had a huge opening party with news anchors and reporters, politicians, business owners, and our fabulous community members. It was so big, the wait to get in was over 45 minutes. For our 10th anniversary, we are at the incredible Mountain Land Design with PLENTY of space, parking and FOOD from area restaurants. This will also be the FABBY Awards ceremony — our equivalent of the Oscars!.

When: Tuesday, April 29 Where: Mountainland Design, 2345 S Main Info: gaysaltlake.com

that she could change her mind, but we kept the faith.”

The couple was living in Pennsylvania at the time of their daughter’s birth and the mother was in Virginia, but Dave and David were both there for the labor and delivery. Dave cut the umbilical chord and held baby Dahlia for the first time.

The baby was discharged after two days and the new family

Equality Celebration in Southern Utah Equality Utah is heading back to Southern Utah for a remarkable 4th year. This year’s event brings together Master of Ceremonies Janice Brooks and keynote speaker Reverend Gene V. Robinson, as well as a screening of “Love Free or Die,” the documentary abouit Robinson’s election as the first openly gay bishop in the Anglican Church.

WHEN: Saturday, May 10 WHERE: Dixie Convention Ctr, St. George TICKETS: equalityutah.org

SAGE Utah Spring Soiree SAGE Utah is back and they invite you to help celebrate. Cellist Megan Titensor will perform at the Culinary Crafts Catering Tasting Room. People are asked to bring a favorite delicious appetizer or finger food to

drove home from Virginia to Pennsylvania at a snail’s pace.

David adopted her first in accordance with Pennsylvania law.

When the baby was a year old Dave petitioned the court for a second-parent adoption.

“The move was risky,” admitted Dave, “because the judge was conservative and the ruling could have gone either way. But the judge was really wonderful.

share. Wines and beers will be provided.

WHEN: Saturday May 10, 6:30–9:00 pm.

WHERE: The Tasting Room, 357 W 200 S. SUGGESTED DRESS: Casual but Nice Info: michael@nowandagainslc.com

Annual Gay Day at Hogle Zoo Join members of Utah’s LGBT and ally community for a day of fun at the zoo.

WHEN: Saturday, May 17 WHERE: Hogle Zoo, 2600 E Sunnyside Ave. TICKETS: At the gate

May Gay Men’s Book Club Discussing The City and the Pillar by Gore Vidal. This is the first novel with an obviously gay character and in spite of being 66 years old it’s still relevant and poignant.

WHEN: May 21, 6-7:30 pm WHERE: Sprague Library. 2131 Highland Dr.

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 19

may, 2014 | issue 231 | gaysaltlake.com

She asked me what my relationship was to the child. I told her that I had had her since birth.

I lost sleep in the middle of the night like any other parent when the baby was crying and or needing to be fed, and that I was her primary caregiver. The judge agreed and I, too, became her father legally.”

When asked whether having a child has changed their relationship with their own families, Dave replied, “Both of our families were great. We had a few who were hesitant about us as a couple. My family is pretty easy-going. David’s grandmother had always been a little uneasy with me, but the moment she found out we had a child it was a complete 180. I think, that as parents and grandparents, you watch your kids grow and you have hopes and dreams for them and envision them having a family of their own one day. So I think that many times when they hear their children say ‘I’m gay,’ they assume many of the stereotypes about gay men and think that hope is lost for them to ever achieve that dream.”

“When Grandma realized that we were together over 10 years and now had a child that was legally ours,” Dave continued, “she realized that those dreams she once had weren’t lost. Her attitude changed dramatically after that!”

Keeping a relationship between their daughter and the biological mother has been

important to Dahlia’s dads.

“To this day our daughter is in touch with her mother,” said Dave. “Last summer my friend and her new fiance flew from Virginia to our house for a week.

Our daughter knows she is her mother. She knows her siblings and her family. We will continue to allow them to pursue a relationship as long as they want.”

Parenting has delivered great joy to Dave and David. They are proud of each step she takes.

“The best thing about being a parent is undoubtedly watching this once fragile little thing grow and learn,” said David.

“She’s so amazing!”

Utah has been welcoming in many ways to the Bocanegra family, but there are still obstacles for LGBT parents.

“We want to adopt another kid,” adds Dave. “But we are going to have to move back to Pennsylvania because, unfortunately, Utah’s laws won’t allow it here.” Q Rich Valenza is founder and CEO of RaiseAChild.US, a national organization that encourages the LGBT community to build families through fostering and adopting to serve the needs of the 400,000 children in the U.S. foster care system. The group works with foster and adoption agencies that have received training in LGBT cultural competence through the Human Rights Campaign Foundation’s “All Children-All Families” initiative. Its free Parent Advocate program has offered personalized guidance to more than 2,000 prospective parents. Learn how you can become a foster or fost/adopt parent, visit.RaiseAChild.US and click on “Next Step to Parenthood.” This article first appeared in Huffington Post Gay Voices and is used with permission.

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20 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

views

“

News flash: Some people like their anonymity.

This is what’s right for me. Love is love, and I’m grateful to have that.

Sometimes there’s a stigma attached to how people view you if you’re living a certain way. But I don’t care — you gotta live your life. You gotta find what happiness is and what it means for you, and you can’t get caught up in what someone is saying about you on Twitter. You don’t go through a year like I did to not be happy and not make your own choices.”

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

quotes in the news

—Good Morning America host Robin Roberts in an interview with Good Housekeeping abotut criticism she waited so long to come out

“

As an artist, I love language, and I cherish free speech. RuPaul has been the numberone defender of these, and at the same time he continues to support every shade of queerness within our community, no matter the class.

Trans people are forever indebted to drag for the mainstream explosion of gender as we see it today.”

— Entertainer Our Lady J writing about the danger of overpolicing language in response to the controversy over RuPaul’s Drag Race

“

We’re a species that has a space station floating above the Earth for 20 years. We even have a rover on the surface of Mars. How can we be the same species that is telling people… we have legislators and legislation in places, in certain places that tells women what they

can and cannot do with their bodies. How is that possible? When I say equality, I mean equality for everybody. Who are you telling who they can marry and who they can’t? What is this? This is 2014.”

— Pharrell Williams expressing his belief in equality for everyone during an interview on Ellen

QSaltLake Magazine welcomes your letters to the editor.

Please send your letter of 300 words or less to letters@qsaltlake.com.

We reserve the right to edit for length or libel if a letter is chosen for publication.

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 21

may, 2014 | issue 231 | gaysaltlake.com

the straight line

The disingenuous nature of equality opposition

Before

by Bob Henline

the start of the Tenth Circuit Court of Appeals hearing in Denver last week, Utah Attorney General Sean Reyes walked over to the plaintiffs’ bench and shook hands with each of the plaintiffs in the Kitchen v. Herbert case. He was soft-spoken, so I couldn’t hear what he was saying until he got to the plaintiffs seated directly in front of me, Kody Partridge and Laurie Wood.

As he shook their hands he said, “I’m sorry we’re causing you pain.”

After returning from Denver Reyes, along with Governor Gary Herbert, attended a bigot rally at the Utah State Capitol. At the rally Reyes echoed the sentiments of event organizers that “we are not motivated by hate, we are not targeting out of animus or any sinister motives particular individuals or families in Utah.”

The sad thing is that people actually seem to believe this nonsense, beyond the ones who are so disingenuously spouting it.

Many people subscribe to the old adage of “never attribute to malice that which can be explained by ignorance.”

At this point, I would argue that we are far beyond that.

Science, sociology, psychology, and basic common decency demonstrate that there are no societal ills created by equality. The only arguments these people are making are based upon their own religious values and outdated prejudices which are based in ignorance.

There are undoubtedly

people amongst this evershrinking group of anti-equality bigots who are completely ignorant with regard to the real issues at stake here.

Ignorance, however, is not an excuse. In the age of information, ignorance is a choice, and people are responsible for the choices they make.

For others, like AG Reyes, Governor Herbert, Representative LaVar Christensen and that band of bigots known as the Eagle Forum, it isn’t about ignorance. It’s about hate.

They can try to package it up as defending religion or protecting the children, but that goes beyond disingenuous and directly into outright lying.

Sociological evidence points out that there are no proven negative child outcomes that result from same-sex parent households.

The state’s hired gun, Gene Schaerr, not only retracted the state’s claims based upon the bogus Regnerus study, but went so far to acknowledge in court that there was no conclusive evidence to support such ridiculous claims.

Yet the arguments continue.

The bigots still gather together and trot out “traditional” family roles and the need to protect and preserve them.

What they don’t do is demonstrate how placing hateful and unconstitutional limits on others serves to protect “traditional families.”

It was an argument made by Peggy Tomsic in the Kitchen v. Herbert appeal, there is no nexus between prohibiting same-sex marriage and

strengthening heterosexual family bonds. Will preventing two gay men from enjoying the legal rights and responsibilities of marriage somehow make Sean Reyes’ marriage stronger? More to the point, if his marriage is threatened by the marriage of two gay men or two lesbians, how strong was it to begin with?

There is no rational basis for their opposition to diversity and equality. If they were truly concerned about the strength of families and stable parental relationships for children, they would be demonstrating in favor of marriage equality. The evidence points to children performing better in stable households with two loving parents. Yet regardless of this evidence, what they seek is to prevent the stability created by the legal recognition of those parenting rela-

tionships. That’s not protecting families and children, it’s directly harming them.

The bottom line is this: when you boil away the bullshit the only opposition to equality is hatred. This is bigotry that is being pushed by a small, but vocal, core of people and being swallowed by a larger, ignorant mass.

While some wish to excuse that ignorance in the name of civil harmony, at this point that ignorance is inexcusable.

AG Reyes, Governor Herbert, and the other people behind this opposition are not ignorant. They are hateful.

They are bigoted. The way to deal with that is to call it into the light. As that exposure grows, the willfully ignorant will be forced to see where they stand, and their base will evaporate before their very eyes. Q

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22 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

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It’s really

By D’Anne Witkowski

amazing that in 2014 Americans are still fighting over birth control. As in whether or not contraception makes Jesus cry, and whether or not health insurance policies should be beholden to His tears.

It’s also amazing that in 2014 gay and lesbian couples still don’t have the legal right to marry across the country.

But hey, at least same-sex couples don’t have to worry about birth control, right?

Wrong.

Granted, same-sex couples can’t exactly make each other pregnant by accident.

But there is a very clear link between the anti-contraception and the anti-gay movements. In fact, there always has been. It’s an argument I’ve been making for years (and I’m not the only one).

For far too long LGBT civil rights have been fought for primarily by LGBT people.

That has changed over the years in that more and more heteros are actively supporting equality. But let’s face it, privilege, in this case heterosexual privilege, makes it pretty easy to say, “Hey, that’s not my fight,” even for folks who believe in the cause.

But the anti-gay movement has always been an anti-sex movement. And to those of us who have followed it closely it wasn’t hard to see that the anti-gay right wouldn’t be satisfied until they were able to legislate all sex, gay or straight, and that heterosexual women were especially high value targets.

And now here we are in 2014 and major players in the Republican Party have enthusiastically taken up the anti-birth control rallying cry and the United States Supreme Court just heard a case brought

by Hobby Lobby, a store that sells glue guns and puffy paint, claiming that they shouldn’t have to provide health insurance that includes contraceptive coverage to their employees. Because Jesus.

The best part? Just like so many antiLGBT arguments are based on completely inaccurate and distorted ideas of LGBT people, Hobby Lobby’s legal temper tantrum is based on completely inaccurate and distorted ideas about how IUDs and

the morning after pill work. In Hobby Lobby land, these types of birth control kill babies. In the real world you can say they do, and you can believe they do, but they do not.

But Hobby Lobby has argued that being forced to offer IUDs and emergency contraception is against their religious beliefs.

And that they, a corporation, should have their religious beliefs trump the health care of their employees. Even though what they believe about these particular methods of contraception is completely wrong.

Granted the Supreme Court granted corporations free speech But, the antirights in the gay movement Citizens United has always been case, a decision that has already an anti-sex had disastrous movement. consequences for Democracy in America. After all, if money is speech, as the court ruled, then whoever has the most money (corporations) has the most speech. And whoever has the least money (the vast majority of Americans) has little to no voice at all. Granting corporations freedom of religion would give corporations even more power based on whatever the fuck they claim to believe so long as they claim they believe it for God. According to Salon, Hobby Lobby founder and CEO David Green’s money has been tied to anti-gay marriage initiatives as well as the odious “religious freedom” bill in Arizona that would have made it totally okay to discriminate against LGBT people so long as you claimed that you did it for God. This should surprise no one.

There are plenty of other places to buy foam board, tempura paints, rainbow patterned duct tape, and yard sticks (which could be used to make some fabulous protest signs). And, so, as they say in the crafting business, fuck Hobby Lobby. Seriously, fuck that place. Q

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 23

may, 2014 | issue 231 | gaysaltlake.com

gay writes I’m at Jam

Feathers

By R. Clegg

Until this evening your signs were lean,

And for a time far between When once legion, loving Keenly felt and seen One day you startled me, I swear,

With your presence in a feather

White and unexpected on a stair

In our Spanish casa where

We used to share our summers

With that sign you said

“Well done, hang in there” For a long while you would often whisper Encouragement in my ear Would send the owls to hoot from afar Or to roost in my tree quite near

And with their night calls,

Speak to me of your endless love Your understanding of my loneliness

Awareness of my grief and despair As I heard them in the dark or stared

Into their daytime eyes

I was comforted a sign

Like the feather That was when I was filled with fear Could barely cope without you near Hour to hour

Day by day Year by year While still here yet knowing you’d be there You once promised Your presence in a breeze caressing my forehead

Then you were dead There was nothing left but your signs

A feather, owls, a breeze Your face in the full moon Then for a while I was naughty and loose

With silly cigarettes and booze

My punishment?

To lose Your presence, the signs and

With your absence

silence Itself a sign perhaps that I should find

Myself groping, stumbling Bereft of help of any kind

Left to feel my own way Home

Alone Until this Winter’s evening as I tread The Marktplatz and all was dead where Upon the moist cobblestones you spread FEATHERS Feathers Everywhere it seemed As if a white winged angel had Fought to death for me my Demons Saying, “Fear not” You had given me one last stunning sign

That all is fine

That it is time This moment This life

Is no longer ours but Mine

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24 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

Odd Man Out

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

guest editorial

By Ray Cook, author of Reclaimed

O Zion

— the sanctuary of Mormon bliss ... unless you don’t fit in. Growing up in southeast Idaho, I enjoyed a carefree childhood with a loving family, a strong sense of community, and the belief that I could become my highest potential. However, I knew at a young age that I was different ... I liked boys instead of (like my peers) girls. The more I became indoctrinated in Mormonism, the more I realized that I was doomed ... How could I be compared

to being almost equivalent to a murderer?! Why? I didn’t understand, but I believed the dogmatic hate and bigotry to my own detriment.

I couldn’t afford to be found out, nor disclose my secret ... it would mean my social death: family, friends, church. I loved my family so much, that what terrified me the most, was the inevitable reality that I would lose them, especially in the hereafter. I wasn’t ready to deal with the fallout, so I overcompensated by excelling

in school, tumbling (floor gymnastics), and self-righteousness. I became a model Mormon boy with a testimony, accompanied with emotion and tears ... but those dramatics were in fact my fears and grief about my impending hell.

I was sent I loved my family home off my so much, that what mission, disgraced. Greetterrified me the most, ing my parents was the inevitable at the airport reality that I would was like inhallose them ing ammonia— their faces expressing sad disappointment which brought me crashing down from the high of courageous self-integrity by facing the fire and surrendering. Awaiting me was a letter inviting me to my church court. That was it ... all my angst of anticipated shunning had actualized. My family met me at the house, expecting an explanation (out of concern, I believe), but I felt intense lack of support: no one reached out to ask if I was okay, to ask how I was feeling, to offer me their unconditional love. Silence and avoidance confirmed my shunning. I had left with a glorious jubilee of family love and support with their blessing, and had returned to emotional abandonment.

I felt like a pariah, eager to escape to anywhere where I’d be welcomed, appreciated, respected. I wanted to belong!

As fucked up as it was, I celebrate my excommunication with gratitude, for the blessing it was to discover my authenticity: myself, my beliefs, my spirituality, my self-worth and -confidence, my personal power! You too, my friend, can forge your own life. Please know that you matter ... that you’re good ... that you’re enough! If anyone, I’m rootin’ for ya! Q Ray Cook, an Idaho native, came of age in Germany as an excommunicated Mormon. Cook graduated with a degree in modern languages from The University of Massachusetts and works as a flight attendant. He lives with his partner in Boston. He recently released his candid memoir, Reclaimed.

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 25

LOVE

WILL WIN equalityutah.org

26 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

queer shift

Power—Shift

by Charles Frost

They are

losing control, they are in tremendous fear of not being able to get the hoards to conform; in other words, their power is slipping and they are scared shitless. Who are they? The conservative establishment that’s who.

Living in Utah, it feels like we are under constant attack; no sooner had the Restore Our Humanity team landed in Denver, that Utah’s punitive Attorney General volleyed another bombshell regarding adoptions of same-sex parents. Can you just imagine how exhausting all of this must be to constantly sit and strategize, with their myopic brains, how to demonstrate and show they are in charge, they are the power structure, they are not slipping? Fact is, the harder they attempt to prove that fact, the faster the universe is bombarding them with messages, missives and media to move the fuck over — other opinions and other’s rights are changing, and there is very little you can do about it!

It’s not just Herbert and Reyes and the deluded Utah legislature, it’s the Boy Scouts of America, business leaders, the veiled Christian Right, the theocratic, political, legislative, institutional and even judicial bullies that see they are losing control. Daily we see them fight dirtier, lob their hate, racism, sexism, homophobia, classism, bigotry in the attempt to reverse the inevitable.

I recently spoke at a rally, and I went to my local ACE Hardware and purchased a brand new broom, hot-glued a rainbow ribbon around it, and used it as my metaphor for the speech — BE THE BROOM! Why the hell a Broom? Because, it’s a complete tool, tightly bound together, each bristle working in harmony to improve and change a place. A place like Utah. A broom sweeps out and sweeps away by tossing out, cleaning out difficult corners; in general, working for a changed culture. I chose a new broom for a reason. I had many battle-fatigued brooms, worn around the edges, embattled bristles scarred through time and use. But a new broom represent-

ed a re-enlistment, a new commitment, a dedication to the long, step-by-step equality battle wherein we queer people are constantly engaged. It will take all of us, and thousands more who don’t yet realize they’ll be warriors. We have to all re-invest our collective heads, hearts and guts to create the complete and celebratory change we all desire so badly.

The broom also had a second symbolism.

It’s not enough to expect great change to simply and idly happen, we must all be the brooms that actively make room for the huge changes that have recently occurred and will continue to occur. We must be brooms that confront, educate, listen and question, share, show willing vulnerability, as well as solid fortitude in sweeping away fear, shame, guilt, judgement and ignorance. The five weapons used by those currently losing the power in an attempt to make us feel and think we are second class, second rate, not full, not worthy.

Sweep away fear — because it promotes anger and animosity, it fosters egotistical and holier-than-thou attitudes, it feeds a duplicitous culture of pretense, when in fact the actions and apathy of that predominant culture truly demonstrate hate, discrimination, contempt,and a loathing of differences.

Sweep away guilt and shame, whether we are feeling those feelings ourselves or they are being poured and projected upon us by others. Sweep out that shame and/ or guilt that our comprehensive love, our commitment to another human being in a loving relationship — is the very same and our inclusive right. We need to confront and remove shame and guilt from our homes, so that precious lives are not lost or diminished. Remove shame and guilt from our work places, our social gathering places — any and all shame that diminishes the human spirit to be equal and rise to great achievements, regardless of sexual orientation, race, gender or socio-economic situation.

Sweep away judgment. We queer people must be the pillars of example of forgive-

ness in word and action. By living lives of conscious self-acceptance and by learning to forgive ourselves we become more able to forgive others. This loosens the debilitating constraints of anger, resentment, bitterness, cynicism and despair, and frees our hearts and hands to do the hard work of creating change and celebrating who we are at our unified finest.

Sweep Sweep ignorance out, for it more ignorance out, than anything for it more promotes misthan anything understanding and people not promotes caring about or misunderstanding sharing a different opinion.

We must stand up and be fully accountable for learning new ways, new models, new methods of being a better society. We must all accept the tremendous responsibility of educating others in our state that may not see things the same way we do. It is our task, our job and our duty to help them sweep out the dark corners of narrow-mindedness.

Power is shifting, so pay attention all you change-agents, game-changers, difference-makers. You rule-breakers, you rebel-rousers, troublemakers — it most surely is the time to unite. No longer can we be divisive, protective, uncollaborative, uncooperative, territorial, residing in elitist separate social stratums, and consumed with in-fighting. If we don’t become forefront and united in our collective efforts, then how are we to gain our equal rights, dignity and place in a transforming society? We have strengths dangerous to the establishment, and it wants them quieted, silenced, even eliminated.

Our power lies within our self-worth and strength, our beauty, impulsiveness, authenticity and unique way of perceiving.

There are huge changes that are on the horizon. Keenly watch the power shifting.

Be the broom! Q

may, 2014 | issue 231 | gaysaltlake.com

who’s your daddy?

Boyz II Men

by Christopher Katis

When we

were looking at houses a few years ago, there was this really great midcentury modern we saw. Kelly went crazy for it. I have to admit, it was pretty damn cool: geometric angles everywhere and a back wall of floor-to-ceiling plate-glass windows. But I put the kibosh on buying it.

I told Kelly I thought it was perfect for two men, but impractical for four. He looked at me as if I was a couple of gyros short of a combo plate at the Greek Souvlaki. But I realized that our little boys were going to be young men before we knew it.

It’s not quite been four years since he and I had that conversation. And last week I took Gus shopping for shoes, and had to buy them in the men’s department. He wears the same size shoe as I do. Now granted, like most of the other men in my family, I have kind of small feet. But the kid is still four months away from being in middle school!

He and I have a special dad and son event to attend in a couple of weeks: the school’s maturation program. Oh yeah, I’m sure that won’t be uncomfortable.

Actually, we’ve already talked to him a little bit about what he can expect from puberty. I’m guessing that this maturation program will go into greater scientific detail. It may even lead him to ask a few questions. I just hope they’re not about what’s going on with the girls. Because when it comes to females, I’m not going to know much more than the pre-teen boys in the room.

And that’s what makes this so interesting for me. On the one hand, I know exactly what he’s about to go through physically — exactly what I went through,

exactly what all guys go through. On the other hand, an important biological distinction guarantees that his journey to manhood will be very different from my experience.

I suspect that at one time or another, just about every son argues that his dad doesn’t understand what it’s like to be so deeply in love with a girl that it hurts. Or that the kid is unexplainably willing to make all sorts of stupid decisions based solely on the possibility that if he does, the girl may notice him.

But in my case, that’s absolutely true. I don’t.

Sure I pined for boys. I had more than my fare share of secret crushes. I locked myself away in my bedroom listening to music that spoke only to me, hating the world because some boy told me about his date with this girl, when all I wanted to hear was him ask me out.

Yeah, it’s similar, but it’s not the same. It’s apples and oranges.

I hope that from our time together at this maturation program, we can build an understanding that allows him to share everything he wants or needs with me.

I hope he won’t let the fact that I’m gay, and he’s showing every sign of being straight, become a barrier to communication.

Believe it or not, there are some aspects of the dramatic physical and emotional changes he’s about to experience for which I’m actually prepared.

Just after he was born, I bought a collection of essays about fatherhood. One bit of advice has stayed with me for all these years: “Never ask your 14-year-old son what he’s doing in the bathroom for all that time. He’s doing exactly what you did.”

Hey, like father like son, I guess. Q

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 27

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28 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

lambda lore

Ten years of lore

by Ben Williams

Ten years

is very long time for a local Gay newspaper to exist. It’s a mile stone for its publisher, Michael Aaron Green and the community that supports it. As author of the Lambda Lore Column I am proud to say that I have been with the paper for 10 years reporting on local Utah Gay history. I know of no other publication in the United States that holds that record.

We are a people with a history although many are unaware of it either through indifference, ignorance, or , as in the case of Utah’s public education system, willful obstructionism.

I have often joked that the Gay community is like high school; having a collective memory of four years where no one cares what happened before you and after you. I like to think of my Lambda Lore columns as kind of a collection of yearbooks to peruse not only for amusement but as a reflection of our common humanity as a Gay Folk.

The notion of having a universal Gay “VolkGeist”, which makes us a separate and distinct people, is unpopular today. Maybe it is old fashion but in its time it was revolutionary and radical and it bound Gay people in an unwritten unique social contract. Coming Out was not a solitary act of self awareness as it had been previous to 1969. Coming Out was a commitment, an avowal, that your fate was tied to the fate of all the others who were willing to face discrimination and persecution, loss of family, loss of jobs, and even loss of life.

So our generation built social consciousness raising support groups, our own health clinics, our own clubs, our own community centers, our own churches, and our own publications to reflect our own values and our own sense of identity.

We did it because we had no choice; if we wanted to not only survive but also to thrive.

Coming Out is never easy whether you are 13 or 83. It’s still the process of shedding layers of societal heterosexual norms, however, the older you are the more layers

there are to be shed. In the days before PFLAG kids simply ran away from home to make an anonymous life in the city.

Gay kids were simply throw-a -ways, so no one cared about them, except for the Gay community.

For years and years a mantra was said within the Gay Community “We are Family.” And we were. In 1987 a 16 year old Lesbian named Becky Smith came to Unconditional Support because it was the only organization that said “for Gays and Lesbians.” Her family had thrown her out.

For 3 months she slept on my couch until she made enough friends in the Gay community to move in with some other young Lesbians. Was it illegal what I did? Yes, but no more so then throwing a 16 year old girl out on the street. From this experience I plead with Becky Moss, my co host and producer of Concerning Gays and Lesbians on KRCL, to create an openly Lesbian support group. Many of whom were showing up at Unconditional Support and Wasatch Affirmation only to find that Gay men issues dominated the conversations by the sheer ratio of Gay men to women at these meetings. Becky Moss was also of a “generation of commitment” and immediately started the long lasting First Thursday Women’s Group.

Were there Lesbians Group prior to Becky’s group? Yes, but they were so secretive that you had to know someone before you even knew where they met. As scary as it was to be an openly Gay man, it was exponentially so for Gay women.

I was 53 years old when I began writing my Lambda Lore column. I had a little more hair and a lot less gray in my beard but I was writing about what I had lived or had studied. I had no idea that at age 63 I would still be writing. Until 2011 my column was published bi-monthly so sometimes I felt I was in school writing a thesis every two weeks. At only once a month now, I feel like a slacker.

Originally Brandon Burt, the paper’s first editor of what was then called the Salt Lake Metro, wanted me to send him

three articles so he could have them on hand. Since I was doing a history column I guess it didn’t matter because they would never be timely or current. Well no good deed ever goes unpunished because in the haste to get the first edition out and on the stands for a gala send off reception at the Hotel Monaco, my column was left out. So I can’t say that I was in the paper from the beginning but it was no fault of my own.

When Aaron and his business partner at the Metro had a parting of the ways in 2007, I like to think of I was asked to my Lambda Lore join him in his columns as kind new endeavor at the QSaltof a collection Lake. I told him of yearbooks to then that my peruse not only for commitment was to him amusement but as not the Metro a reflection of our and since I was common humanity a volunteer contributor it as a Gay Folk. really wouldn’t affect me. So when people Google search Lambda Lore, some articles are listed under Salt Lake Metro and some under QSaltLake.

In September 2007 I took a hiatus from writing for about three months. I had bottled up the grief I felt from the suicide deaths of two old activist warriors Kathy Worthington and Chad Keller and when I learned that my first love from high school and college, John Cunningham, had also committed suicide earlier in the year, it was too much. I never thought I would be living in a world without John somewhere in it. So I shut down.

In 2008 I realized life goes on and my commitment now was not only to the living but to the memories of those who came before; those who never got to see AIDS become a chronic disease, see Bowers v. Hardwick overturned in 2003 with Lawrence v. Texas decriminalizing homosexuality and its domino effect on all the

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 29

may, 2014 | issue 231 | gaysaltlake.com

other national anti Gay Laws, the overturning of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell in 2011, United States vs Windsor decison in 2013 and the most mind blowing to us old Gay folks — Marriage Equality in Utah.

As I am writing this column before the 10th Circuit Court’s decision, I don’t claim to be a prophet and don’t know if Gay Marriage in Utah will magically vanish like Brigadoon but it was here… Its historical and that fact can never change.

Its my assessment that Donald Steward (Ruby Ridge) and I are the most prolific of the QSaltLake columnists. I miss his sardonic wit. By my estimate, I have written more or less 200 articles on Gay Utah History or about a quarter of a million words over the past ten

years. Its been my gift to the Gay Community of Utah. But I don’t know if I have any more to say; at least from my perspective. I would really like to see this column feature guest writers. There are so many good writers in Utah and local historians … scratch a Mormon and you find being a genealogist and historian coded in their DNA. As Crossroads of the west there are so many perspectives in Zion from which we all could benefit. History is a time machine to the past and a time capsule for the future.

Thank you to all who read Lambda Lore. Its been our own “Excellent Adventure.” Q Ben Williams is Utah’s Gay historian. He blogs at benwilliamswritings.blogspot.com and does a “This Day in Gay Utah History” at benwilliamsblogger.blogspot.com

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30 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 2014 FABBY AWARDS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

Q2014 salt lake

FABBY

AWARDS

Our 10th annual FABBY Awards in our 10th Anniversary edition.

Each year, we ask you, our readers, to vote for your favorite places to shop, eat, drink and otherwise spend your hard-earned cash. This year, we received more ballots than any other.

Without further ado, here are the winners for this year:

RESTAURANTS Cheapest eats

With the highestpriced entree being only $15, Cafe 540 enters the scene in a strong way. In what is now the Metro Bar, the decor is only slightly altered from the wildly popular (when it opened) Orbit Cafe. Featuring American cuisine, they are open for lunch and dinner and, as a bar, one must be 21 years

of age or older to get in. No “children or no children” section here.

Free parking is a huge plus for a downtown restaurant, not to mention they are 15 steps from the Old Greek Trax stop.

Facebook.com/cafe540slc, Weds–Sat 6-10pm Runners-up: Left Fork Grill, Oh Mai, Cafe Rio

Late-night eats Our readers soak up their alcohol after the bars at Beto’s. Cheap food, full of grease and spices. The perfect

sponge. Their burritos are mammoth, but you don’t have to worry about Miss Piggy’s rule of never eating anything larger than your head. Though, it’s a close call.

Runners-up: Off Trax, Pie Hole

Early morning eats The winner by a beak in this category is Eggs in the City. Part of why I love the FABBY Awards is that I see fantastic business owners rewarded for

who they are. Heather Santi and staff are just some of the nicest people you will ever meet, and I believe they are a large part of the reason our community loves this place. From the incredible French toast to the huevos rancheros (try the green sauce) to the Greek skillet.

Oh wait - my fave is the eggs benedict.

Runners-up: Blue Plate Diner, The Other Place

Vegan/Vegetarian It is a risk to move your restaurant, as a large part of why people eat at a restaurant is the location and ambiance.

Sage’s move to the old Jade Cafe on 9th South is a hit for their clientele. With more space and easy parking, the place has had a good crowd any time I’ve been there. The staff knows their veggies.

While sitting at the bar, I got to see first-hand when a diner ordered something they hoped was gluten-free and

the kitchen caught that the protein they ordered was not. The flavors are over-the-top and they have a full beer and wine menu, so mimosas at brunch are no problem!

marys and mimosas on weekends, you can’t go wrong at Squatters.

Runners-up: No Name Saloon, High West Distillery

Best in Ogden

Runners-up: Zest Kitchen and Bar, Oasis Cafe

Contemporary Fare In the 9th & 9th area, Cafe Trio is a great neighborhood restaurant with contemporary ambiance and friendly bustle. Now that summer is nigh, the flower-encircled patio is one of the best places for brunch in town. Small plates, pizzas, pastas and a good assortment of entrees served by some of the hottest wait staff in the valley make Trio a favorite of our readers.

Runners-up: Bistro 222, Copper Onion

Best in Park City

For 20 years, Roosters — housed in a 119-year-old building that has been everything from a Chinese laundry to a house of ill repute — has been an Ogden institution. On historic 25th Street, you will meet all kinds of people at Roosters, from mud-soaked bikers (probably owners Pete and Kym Buttschardt) to formal-clad business owners, dining on a pepper jack flat iron steak that will make you cry on Kym’s capellini, all served with high-octane beers brewed on the premises.

Runners-up: El Matador, Jeremiah’s

Healthy ingredients (some grown right at the restaurant) environmentally friendly products and longterm relationships with local farmers and growers make Squatters different than a lot of the other larger restaurants in the area.

From its menus that help you match the perfect brew to the food, to the two-buck

Best Asian

This was a close category with many places evenly spread in votes. La Cai came out on top. Though the name sounds like a certain French-inspired restaurant near the mouth of Little Cottonwood Canyon, this place is all about the noodles, served with

2014 FABBY AWARDS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 31

may, 2014 | issue 231 | gaysaltlake.com

butterflied shrimp, Saigon crispy wings, crab rangoon and more.

RunNErs-up: Kyoto, Sapa

Best Thai

Best Thai is a tie! Haha.

Thai Siam and Sawadee tied for top honors in best Thai restaurant.

Very different from each other, Thai Siam is best known for affordable lunches on State Street, while Sawadee is an Avenues favorite. Go for the drunken noodles at Sawadee.

Runners-up: Chanon Thai, Thai Lotus

South of the Border We won’t even put runners-up in this category because it was such a wipe-out.

Since 1985, Red Iguana has been a Salt Lake

staple, so much so they had to open a new location only 2 blocks away since the line runs down the street.

Both are thriving. They have been recognized nationwide for their moles and other authentic Mexican fare.

Best Mediterranean

Best Sushi Right downtown in a gorgeous building, Takashi pushes the envelope of contemporary Japanese cuisine, presenting unrivaled sushi, sashimi and hot dishes alongside Salt Lake’s most extensive selection of sake.

Runners-up: Tsunami, Sapa

With locations in the 9th & 9th and 15th & 15th neighborhood, Mazza is no stranger to the FABBY Awards and other laudations. Our favorites: Maghmoor (eggplant, garbanzo beans and onions baked in an olive oil, tomato and garlic sauce) and the Chicken & Cauliflower Kabseh with fired raisins and pine nuts.

Runners-up: Cafe Med, The Other Place

Best Steak House A first FABBY Award for this Utah-based chain of restaurants, Ruby River is known for their full-pound prime rib and New York steaks at affordable prices. Starting off with sourdough bread and raspberry spread and finishing with real bacon in their baked potato, people never leave unsatisfied.

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32 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 2014 FABBY AWARDS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

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Best Coffeehouse

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ESPAÑOL, PORTUGUÉS

For as many years as there have been FABBY Awards, Coffee Garden has taken the top prize. The original 9th & 9th location is always hopping and the Main Street location is a great place to get great local coffee.

Runners-up: Sugar House Coffee, Beans & Brew

Best Wine & Beer Selection The Bayou has, hands down, is the largest and best beer selection outside any liquor store in Salt Lake.

Actually, probably including the state liquor stores. Awarded by local and national media, including GQ and Esquire magazines, you need to get back down there to try the Potato Chips w/Chive

Oil & Blue Cheese. Oh. My. God. Runners-up: Beerhive, Roosters

FOOD

Best BURGER So, 18 months ago, Lucky 13 won the “Best Burger in the World” prize at the first “World Food Championships.”

But they probably never thought they’d win a FABBY. Though, the $10,000 check was something we can’t top.

sauce.

Runners-up: Feldmans and Toasters

Best Pizza In all the years of the FABBY Awards, the Pie Pizzeria comes out way on top. Just know, however, that the South Jordan Pie won’t let us distribute there. Just sayin’. Maybe put a bug in someone’s ear?

RUNNERS-UP: ESTE PiZZa, Pie Hole

Best Pastries

Runners-up: Crown Burger, Tony Burger

Best Sandwich Home to the best Philly cheese steak sandwich west of ... well ... Philadelphia, Moochies Meatballs brings the city of brotherly love to the sisterwives state.

Don’t miss the housemade Jumpin’ Jalapeño

While Gourmandise started out as a pastryonly place, it’s definitely no longer that. Always packed, they now also offer breakfast (paninis, french toast and quiche), lunch (sandwiches and salads) and a small plates dinner.

RUNNERS-UP: City Cakes, Le Madeline’s

2014 FABBY AWARDS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 33

may, 2014 | issue 231 | gaysaltlake.com

Best Seafood Hands-down, there is no competition here.

Flying the freshest fish from around the world, you can’t beat Market Street. A New York friend marvels that he has to “fly to the middle of the desert to get a great clam chowder.”

Best Sushi Travelers from across the country say that Takashi bests any sushi place in their city.

Best Brunch

the top. Ambiance, crowd and barstaff tend to bring the regulars back. Not to mention Ms. Megan.

Runners-Up: Little America, Cafe 540

BARS

Best Gay Bar While new ownership changes have taken place here, our readers still rank this place at

Runner-up: Sun-Trapp, Republican

Best Micro Brewery

Runner-up: Club TryAngles

Best Gay-Friendly Straight Bar

This is also a hotly contested category, but Squatters once again comes out on top.

Wildly-popular Bar-X, and its new sister Beer Bar, are also popular with Salt Lake’s LGBT community for providing a welcoming environment in the heart of downtown.

Best place to be for the Utah Pride Parade.

RunnerS-up: EPIC and Red Rock

Runner-up: Green Pig, Tavernacle

There. Your weekend is planned out for you.

Best Karaoke A gay brunch tradition for as long as I’ve been around — and that’s a long time — Market Street has the best food for the best value.

Try-Angles is the place to go.

This is always a tight race and this year was a one-vote difference.

The gays love to sing and be heard.

Runner-up: JAM, Club Try-Angles

Best Afternoon Crowd You know when you’ve had a rough day and you just need to run to a bar and unwind? Our readers have voted that Club

Best Friday Night Best Saturday Night Best Sunday Night

Cheapest Drinks We’ve often wondered about doing an inventory of drink prices, but I doubt we’d come up with a different winner.

Best Monthly Bar Event

When you’ve got a winning event, keep doing it until they stop coming, is what I say.

34 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 2014 FABBY AWARDS

ArtS

Best Local Theatre Company Not that we counted, but 74 of 99 productions by Plan-B Theater were world premieres, every thing from “Downwinder” cancer survival to a man dealing with being a Mormon and gay. Plays produced first in Salt Lake City have gone on national tour, run on Broadway, been published in anthologies and won many awards.

To think, it all started as a troupe of writers and actors touring local elementary schools putting on plays — how Fabby!

Runner Up: Salt Lake Acting Company

Best Art Gallery or Museum The best “re-purposing” of an iconic building, the old Salt Lake City Main Library building on 200 East and 500 South is now the fabulous Leonardo, a contemporary museum exploring unexpected

ways that science, technology, art, and creativity connect.

Runner Up: UMFA, UMOCA

Best Local Visual Artist You seen his work in theater play bills, cd covers, posters, in local art galleries and if you’ve been to San Fran, Park City, Los Angeles you’ve seen him. The mixed-media painter, painting since a pup, says his early influences were old sci-fi and monster movies, dinosaurs, comics.

Runner Up: Darin Jones

Best Local Play

The most fabulous summer party in Utah is SATURDAY’S VOYEUR

by Allen Nevins & Nancy Borgenicht, at the Salt Lake Acting Company. Going on its 37th year, Voyeur is a voice for liberals in Utah. This funny, raucous, truly unique, musical satire written “for us and about us” gives Utahns a place to laugh and love living here.

Runner Up: Erica

Best Local Dance Company In 1966 Virginia Tanner had a fabulous vision – create a dance company for cutting edge American Modern Dance. It would venerate the masters and take it to the people, hence, RDT. The Salt Lake Community, U OF U and the Rockefeller Foundation made that vision possible. RDT has performed in SLC and toured in United States, Canada, and Europe.

RDT has performed in Bicknell, Utah and Vienna, Austria, in schools and opera houses, from gymnasiums to the Kennedy Center.

The talented company of nine dancers (HQ at the Rose Wagoner) performs work of the legendary Isadora Duncan and Doris Humphrey, the revolutionary Merce Cunningham and Michio Ito and dance original choreography.

Runner Up: RDT Far and away the most FABBY

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

Best Local Musician/Band Lady Murasaki, which means “lady purple” in Japanese, has a great thing going for them: They have the real-life version of Cassandra from Wayne’s World.

“Actually, I get that a lot,” says frontwoman Amber Taniuchi. Of course, they have many other things going for them, namely talented musicians who care about the quality of their music as much as they want people to enjoy it. But Taniuchi truly is a babe who can sing, play keyboard and guitar. She’s the catalyst behind this fusion of smooth jazz-rock called Lady Murasaki. (Originally written for SLUG Magazine by Justin Gallegos.)

Bountiful, Murray and Downtown SLC. This gently used clothing store combines the owners’ years of experience in the fashion and beauty biz and an eye for quality. Customers will find brand name and designer clothing and accessories at up to 70 percent less than retail. Uptown Cheapskate focuses on buying current styles of apparel, shoes and accessories that appeal to a wide range of teens and young adults. In addition to carrying hundreds of recycled items, the new Uptown Cheapskate store also offers many new products including jewelry and assorted apparel items.

Runners up: Unhinged and q Clothing

Best Local Shop for High-End Fashion

Runner Up: Royal Bliss, Sister Wives

Shopping

Best Local Shop for Budget Fashion

Three fabulous locations in Utah—

The exquisite proprietor of qClothing, Amy, has put together a collection of “High End” appearing women’s clothing, jewelry and accessories, but has priced every thing under the high end ticket.

“Nothing in the store over $100” says Amy. What a nice place with an airy and clean décor when you are looking for business costume, clubbing attire, stylish brunch looks, great purses, jewelry and scarves. In the heart of up-and-coming Broadway Shopping district, q Clothing is a Fabby experience.

Runners up: Fresh and Bastille

Best Local Shop for Shoes Started as a shoe wholesaler and now has a Fabby retail store in the 9th and 9th area.

The store, a striking and understated natural color show room, offers boots that combine local design and American craftsmanship (boots made by cobblers from the Eastern United States), prices range from $129 to $495.

Another product line— very low-profile, purple soled dress/walking shoes--starting at $49 are U.S. designed and cobbled over seas.

Runners up: Far and away the winner, no real runners up

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may, 2014 | issue 231 | gaysaltlake.com

Best Local Shop for Drag Attire All right girls, and you know who I mean, when it’s time to dazzle the crowd or do the Jackie O for high tea, you will do well to start at Decades. A big store, lots of selection, and fine buying taste in vintage (I mean Joan Crawford would love it) clothing.

This store is not for the faint of heart, it’s packed, stacked and guarded by a cat with attitude. I mean a real pussy cat. There is also attitude galore from a knowledgeable staff, but who throws more attitude than a Queen on a shopping spree, so it won’t bother you.

Gowns, gloves, shoes, coats—it’s all there on State Street in Salt Lake City.

Runner up: Pibbs Exchange

Best Local Book Store Tucked away in the charming 15th and 15th Shopping district is a fabby little store on the corner which must have inspired Nora Ephron.

A warren of shelves and rooms stacked with new books and displayed by people who love books. This is the place for the romance novels, philosophical tracts, histories, cook books and any almost

other topic in the card catalog. You get to talk to very nice people who are also very smart about books and they don’t mind browsers.

It’s locally owned, just one location, park your car a block a way and walk through a beautiful neighborhood or park in their lot.

Either way it a fab way to spend a couple of hours.

Runner up: Weller Books

Best Consignment Store for Furniture and Home Décor Now & Again offers a great selection of pre-owned 1950-1970‘s atomic, retro, modern, mod and mid-century modern furniture, Danish furniture, art and accessories. Take in your antiques and contemporary home decor items and modern furniture, see if it will sell. The Fabulous Michael and company love vintage bar items, cocktail sets, bar carts.... anything retro cocktail style! Now and Again offers complete estate sale and liquidation services through a collaboration with BTEAM! Estate Service.

Runner up: Home Again

Best Underwear Selection Nothing feels better than some sexy, fabu-

lous underwear. Even if no one sees it, you feel great just having it on.

At Trolley Square, at the east main entrance is the place to get your “subconsciously self confidence” inspiring briefs. It’s called Sparks.

It’s not just a place for underwear, but it may be the best place with two dozen or so high fashion, sexy underwear labels (brands like: Andrew Christian , N2N, Cell Block, Nasty Pig, Papi, Diesel). There are also hard to find, cutting edge and up-andcoming designers men’s and women’s clothing, shoes, accessories.

Sparks carry only a few pieces of each style so you don’t see yourself all over town.

Best Local Shop for Jewelry

On 1100 east there’s a tidy, remodeled two story, former grocery store. Inside is one of the Intermountain West’s real jewelry artistes, Charlie Hafen. He has ready made, artisan jewelry on hand, set amongst an art gallery featuring local artists.

Charlie’s magic is his design and consultation.

Working with Charlie is fabulous experience—you end up with a beautiful, one of a kind piece of jewelry art and have the pleasure

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36 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 2014 FABBY AWARDS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

you and laugh with you as you buy just the right toy for just the right circumstance. Shop alone, come as a couple or a group-Cahoots will have just the toy you need to tickle your adult fancy. It’s the perfect store for the 9th and 9th community.

Friendly, fun and right next door to a fine coffee shop.

Runner up: Mischievous

Services Best Gym

RUNNERS-UP: THE GYM, PLANET FITNESS

Best Real Estate Agent

Best Pet Groomer

Whether it’s daycare, grooming, boarding or training, Dogs R Us is a fun place for dogs.

The canines can play In a big play area outside and lounge in a climate controlled indoor play area.. The team at Dogs R Us will give your dog the best possible care for whatever service you choose

Mary means it when she says, “My success is measured by your satisfaction.” She works hard for the money and the community — board member of both SAGE and Utah Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. Did we mention she’s the associate broker at Influence Real Estate?

Runners-up: Kelly Favero, Babs De Lay

Best Counseling

RUNNERS-UP: THE DOG SHOW, TEACUP NANNIES

of working with an artist and a gentleman, Charles Hafen.

One of a kind blew the competition away

Best Antique Store Just recently re-located to the 200 block of the Broadway shopping district the fabulous Now and Again was Voted best of Utah 2014 for antiques an collectables. Now and Again is downtown Salt Lake City’s hippest consignment shop featuring Retro, Vintage, Antique and Mid Century Modern furniture, home furnishings, decor, art and accessories. Buy, sell and consign. Check out the Maeberry Vintage Clothing Boutique at Now & Again featuring fine vintage clothes for men and women from the 1940’s 1950’s 1960’s 1970’s.

Runner up: Anthony’s

Best Flower Shop Something Fabby and

creative is always going on at The Art Floral.

Big wedding affairs and small seductions are every day occurrences.

The Art Floral at 300 South and 600 East has been serving the Salt Lake community for 63 years, same family owned and operated since 1951. As a full service florist, offering every aspect of floral needs from consultation, design, and delivery to the break down of services.

Runner up: Especially For You

Best Gift Some times a customer says it best, from a YELP review: “This is the place for eccentric gift-givers who like to really push the boundaries. While they certainly have a kitschy appeal, they really have a little bit of everything.

You could sit in their large card section and laugh for hours (I’m

sure they’d love that), pick up some bacon flavored lollipops (there is a God), or head back to the “adult section” if you’re looking for something a little more X-rated. In addition to all the blasphemy, they actually have some nicer things - cool decorative stuff, fancy wine bottle toppers, bath & body things that are normal and not bacon scented...you know, “normal” things if you’re into that.”

Runner up: Cabin Fever

Best Adult Toy Store Really, now, what’s an “adult toy”? Does it have to be sexy, sexual, stimulative, pleasure giving, a little naughty, funny, a bit rude, maybe crude, flexible, flesh colored, soft, hard, furry, shaved? Well yes.

Cahoots has them and they aren’t ashamed to show ‘em, sell ‘em, promote ‘em. They’ll consult with you, advise

When asked about church attendance, most of us say we are regulars. Of course we mean going to the gym. 24 Hour Fitness brought a Pacific Coast gym atmosphere to Utah almost 15 years ago opening in Sugarhouse. Now we can sweat it out at 7 full service fitness clubs from Provo to Trolley Square.

Best Piercing Studio

In an artsy looking corner building on 11th East and 9th South is the home Fabby Koi Piercing. Huge selection of bangles and bobbles to decorate every body part. A very hip and friendly staff do their thing in a very nice, clean, safe environment.

Jerry Buie has been providing counseling services to LGBT community for over a decade. “Gay clients should not have to educate their therapist about their mindset or validate their lifestyle,” he says on his web site.

This is probably one of the reasons he’s won a FABBY in this category for as long as there have been FABBY Awards.

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Winner

2014

Fabby Award

“Best Chiropractic Clinic”

no appointments convenient hours chiropractic physicians

We’ve got your back!

Le Croissant catering brunch at the Utah State Capitol. PHOTO: David Daniels Runners-up: DON AUSTIN, UTAH PRIDE CENTER

Best Chiropractor

Best Massage

Joni is a leader in our community and helps rub your cares awayeither in her Murray/ Holladay studio or at your place. Check her Facebook page for specials.

Runners-up: Kevin Guzik, Alex Davidson

Best Lawyer

Dani is a partner at The Salt Lake Lawyers, whose mission it is to provide efficient, creative, cost-effective services and solutions to their clients. She has won many awards and has been recognized for her pro bono work. She

Elevated Mass Wedding Reception? Wouldn’t have happened without Le Croissant.

Next up: Utah Pride Festival’s Grand Marshal reception.

Runners-up: Chris Wharton, Jesse Nix, Peggy Tomsic

Best Insurance Agent

© 2014 The Joint Corp

In just a few short years, the Joint has become a major part of the community — and not just LGBTQ. Sugar House is a better place because of owner James Adelman’s leadership in the Sugarhouse business and cultural community.

It’s a formula which works, The Joint has been at the top if not the top location in the nationwide franchise.

co-founded Rainbow Law, a free legal clinic focusing on LGBT law in Salt Lake City, and was president of OutLaws, S.J. Quinney’s queer student group.

Runners-up: Cat Palmer, Alex Gallivan

Best Caterer

(801) 943-3163

saltlakecitychiropractor-thejoint.com Jon Jepsen gives back to his community, and people see it.

Jepsen is on the Utah Pride Center Board of Directors and was on the Salt Lake City Human Rights Commission, was Equality Utah Allies Dinner Chairman and has many initials after his name on his business card, which reads his title as “Insurance Artist.”

*Offer valid for first visit only. Member rates start at $12.25 per visit. Initial visit includes consultation, exam and adjustment. - Dr. Sean Smith, Chiropractic Physician

We think you’re FABBY too!

Thank you for the vote of confidence.

Assisting in your housing decisions to buy, sell or invest.

My TOP priority is YOU!

Runners-up: Steven Fisher, Janet SilotTi

If you are at a swank event in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and ally community, you are most certainly enjoying the food of Le Croissant Catering.

The family team of John and Kelly Lake, Chris Lake, Christopher Sanchez and the rest of the team know how make your event the talk of the town, from incredible food to creative presentation.

Remember the Love

(801) 467-8683 Open Sundays

6910 S. Highland Dr Cottonwood Heights in Whole Foods Center

Best Photographer

We might as well name this award after him.

David (or Dav.d) is at many, many gay functions with a camera glued to his eye. He likes to shoot events and weddings of all kinds and portrait work in interesting settings.

1126 E. 2100 S Sugar House in Whole Foods Center

People

Best Leader of a Queer Organization

MARY OLSEN There is no doubt that 2013 was a year for the history books, and this year’s Fabby goes to the visionary who helped create that history.

Mark Lawrence was responsible for starting Restore Our Humanity, the group that hired the attorneys and brought the plaintiffs together

Associate Broker CRS, SRES, SFR

801.661.3175

movingwithmary@inbox.com influencerealestate.com

Certified Residential Specialist The Proven Path to Success

38 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

to challenge Utah’s discriminatory Amendment 3. The law was struck down on December 20, 2013, allowing over 1,200 couples to legally marry in a 17 day window before a stay was issued pending appeal. restoreourhumanity.org Runners-up: Connie Anast (TEA of Utah), Brandie Balken (Equality Utah)

Best Local Politician From Chairman of the Utah Democratic Party to the floor of the Utah State Senate, Jim Dabakis has been a constant voice for the LGBT community in Utah. During this past

Cheer Salt Lake practicing

Right: Max Garrett PHOTO DAVID DANIELS

We are honored to be a 2014 Fabby Award recipient.

Thanks for your support. Visit us for your free and low cost walk-in HIV and STI testing.

Monday and Thursday evenings from 5-7pm.

801-487-2323 www.utahaids.org

session’s battle over non-discrimination laws Senator Dabakis was everywhere, standing in at rallies, arranging an historic community conversation, and fighting for equality in Utah.

Runners-up: Ben McAdams, Sim Gill, Ralph Becker

Best Local Actor

Continuing his famous role as Sister Dottie S. Dixon, Charles Lynn Frost has become one of the most prominent fixtures of local theater and radio. Charles has shattered barriers and opened up vital conversations. He combines

wit and intellect with comedy and drama to push the boundaries of the LGBT conversation in Utah.

Runners-up: Teresa Sanderson, Alexis Baigue

Best Bartender Club JAM’s drink-slinger gets this year’s Fabby as Best Bartender. Max has been with JAM since 2013. He is a newlywed, marrying his husband Mike during the 17 days when same-sex marriage was legal in Utah.

Runners-up: Michael Elliot, Jim (TryAngles)

Best Local DJ DJ Justin Hollister has

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become one of the biggest DJ’s in Salt Lake City. In addition to being the headline DJ for the Utah Pride Festival in 2012 and 2013, Hollister does the Saturday night Metro Bar @ Fusion. He has worked along side some of the biggest DJ names in the business.

Runners-up: DJ Harry Cross, Jr., DJ/DC

Groups

Best Social Group SAGE Utah, a program of the Utah Pride Center, and under the solid direction of the representative community-based SAGE Advisory Board, strives to increase fulfillment, happiness, joy, and a richness of life for all Sagers. All programming, services, advocacy, and events surrounding SAGE Utah strives to meet the 5 human needs of its diverse members; physical, social, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual.

Runners-up: Utah Bears, Atheists of Utah

Best Political Group

Best Religious Group

Working for a fair and just Utah. No group exemplifies that more than Equality Utah.

From the legislative fight over non-discrimination to the battle for marriage equality in the courts, you will always find Equality Utah in the mix. They combine a potent blend of education and advocacy and are always working to make our state a better place for all of us.

Living their credo of “good without god,” the Atheists of Utah are a powerful force in our community. In addition to their constant work to separate religion from law in Utah, the A of U members are always involved in one project or another, from highway clean-up projects to fundraisers and volunteer service projects for groups like the Homeless Youth Resource Center.

Runners-up: Restore Our Humanity, Utah Stonewall Democrats

Best Health/ Resources Group

The Utah AIDS Foundation offers assistance and expertise to anyone struggling with HIV/AIDS and any of the complex issues that surround it.

Their core of dedicated employees and highly trained and compassionate volunteers work tirelessly to improve the lives of people living with HIV/AIDS. Runners-up: Planned Parenthood, Out of the Smoke

Runners-up: First Baptist Church of Salt Lake City, Holladay Church of Christ

Best Sports Organization Cheer Salt Lake is our local adult cheer for charity team. Since 2011 they have been performing at a number of events and collecting money to benefit health and wellness related charities, supporting groups working in the HIV/AIDS, breast cancer, and other life threatening medical arenas.

Runners-up: QUAC, Pride Softball League

MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY

IT’S COMING MAY 2014 WILL YOU BE A PART OF IT?

?

Contact sales at 801.649.6663 to advertise

Millcreek Gardens

40 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 2014 FABBY AWARDS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

QSaltLake Best Columnist

Hate to love him or love to hate him, Bob Henline is an ally whom you know where he stands. He’s a “line in the sand” kind of guy who doesn’t appreciate nuance when it comes to treating people fairly.

You’re either all in, or you are not. Bob has been writing many of the news stories lately as well, including traveling to Denver to hear oral arguments made in the same-sex marriage case.

Best Story of the Year

Nothing sparked interest as much interest in our writing than our coverage of Judge

Shelby’s ruling that Utah’s anti-gay marriage laws were unconstitutional. Our web traffic was up 1400 percent and is still measurably higher than it has been in many, many years.

Best QSaltLake Event

When marriage was legal for 17 days in Utah, people ran to their local county clerk wearing whatever they had on that day, from work uniforms to hoodies.

These people deserved a wedding reception like no other, and the community joined with QSaltLake to put together the grandest reception ever seen in Utah ... in just 11 days.

ALSO: Big Gay Fun Bus, Lagoon Day, FABBY AWARDS

Other

Best Radio Station Once again by a landslide, X-96 and Radio from Hell took top honors in the FABBY voting. How could any other station compete when they have Sister Dottie S. Dixon as a regular?

RUNNERS-UP: KUER, KRCL

Best Radio Personality The man is a legend in the local radio world with his well-thoughtout programming and world-renowned guests.

Fabrizio has also hosted Plan-B Theatre events, Equality Utah dinners and Oscar Night for the Utah AIDS Foundation.

RUNNERS-UP: Troy Williams, Bill Allred

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Design your own ring or choose one from our hundreds of exclusive designs

The Wasatch Bracelet

Best Television News Well, here is an upset!

This year, QSaltLake’s readers went along with the Nielsen families to choose 2 News as television news program.

Runner-up: Fox 13

Best News Anchor Though readers chose 2News as top station, they chose Hope Woodside as top anchor by a wide margin. Could it have anything to do with the fact she has attended the FABBY Awards for many years now? Or is it just that she’s hot, personable, has impeccable taste in outfits and is good at what she does? Who knows?

Runners-up: Shauna Lake, Mary Nickles, Mark Koebel

Best TV News Reporter The hardest-working television news reporter in the state once again is rewarded for his efforts with a FABBY Award. Find him in August at the Utah Pride Golf Classic, where he will be sipping bloody marys in his golf cart.

We have yet to see him with golf club in hand.

Runners-up: Rich Piatt, Nineveh Dinha

Our Picks We don’t have a lot of perks to offer our writers and staff, so each year we give them five of their own FABBY picks to give shout-outs to their favorite places in the valley:

Christopher Katis’ Picks Best Hair Stylist:

What could get me to go to Draper? The best damn stylist in Utah!

Robert’s amazing. My hair always looks fabulous. He’s my hair hero!

Best Early Education:

My kids went to this amazing school. Offering 3- and 4-year old pre-K classes and all day kindergarten, it’s the best educational choice you’ll ever make.

family-owned shop has been creating beautiful arrangements for over 60 years. Plus, they’re Greek!

JEWELRY REPAIR WATCH REPAIR WEDDING BANDS & JEWELRY DIAMONDS

A stylized representation of the Wasatch Mountains designed and Crafted by Hansen Co. Jewelry

3177 S HIGHL AND DR IVE • 801-487-9341 • H ANSENCOJEW ELRY.COM

Financial Planners:

Pride Counseling

Jerry Buie MSW, LCSW Jimmie and Trenton at Ameriprise Financial Services are excellent at handling same-gender finances. They understand our community and the extra steps that are needed to manage our assets.

Best Performing Arts Center:

By appointment only

801-595-0666 801-557-9203

OFFICE

These guys offer something for everyone — from family-friendly performances to lectures and Grammy winning musicians. Grab dinner someplace close and make a night of it!

CELL

jerrybuie@mac.com

pridecounseling.tv

1174 East Graystone Way Ste 20-E, Salt Lake City

Ben Williams’ Pet Groomer

801-308-2050

Best Thai Restaurant: This is our favorite dads’ night out restaurant.

Terrific food, reasonable prices, delightful staff make for a great meal.

Stephen Bollinder’s pet grooming business comes to you. Excellent service, he loves your critters and your babies don’t need to be crated.

Best Florist:

Best Tea

A Fabby winner in its own right, this local

A mixture of health and spirituality; their tea

www.jonjepsen.com

42 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FABBY AWARDS 2014

Can we crash at your place?

TRY FOSTERING!

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

blends are some of the most flavorful authentic tea brews in the state.

An iconic Utah institution located at 3906 S 9th East. Best shakes and onion rings in the valley. I love the fresh raspberry shakes.

(+Jake the Most Fabulous Server in SLC) Request, no demand, Jake as your server!

Nathan Powers — Executive Chef=inspired menu & food. They’ll customize any fabulous occasion.

Best Produce

Best News Director

While starting a little later than downtown markets, the produce is abundant, organic, and less expensive.

, KUER Fabulous News Director, issues, interviews, un-sung job! After all he has to compete with Fabrizio, and who the hell can do THAT? Who?

Best Shakes

Please email utahfoster@bestfriends.org or call 801-574-2417 bestfriends.org/utah

Make a Seamless First Impression

Best Late Night

Bob Henline’s Picks

Don’t roll your eyes... the retro decor of the Village Inn on 910 East and 4th South compliments the down home fare. One of the few places in Salt Lake where you can still get a reuben and banana cream pie at 3 a.m.

Most Fabulous People

Charles Frost’s Picks Best Barber Going to Jed’s you feel fabulous, cool and au courant — regardless of who & what you are.

Quality, friendly, atmosphere, & a $ deal!

Best Fashion Fashion fabulosity.

Dale LeBaron & CREW maintain a Queer and Straight SLC crown jewel. Idiomatic, singular, sassy, store. nastypig. com outlet!

ScienceDaily reported Sept 22, 2008 that people who had Botox treatments made a better first impression for attractiveness and dating and athletic success.

Entrust your skin to a board-certified dermatologist, Dr. Douglas M. Woseth, Fellow of the American Academy of Dermatology

Douglas M. Woseth, MD, FAAD

General, Surgical and Cosmetic Dermatology

1548 East 4500 South, Suite 202 Salt Lake City, Utah 84117

801-266-8841

www.dwoseth.com

Best Restaurant

Best Hangout Grounded, great, groovy, GOOD! Best patio in SLC, stellar staff, customized menu, Beers! Friends, Food, FAB & 4 Fun!

Salt Lake is full of fabulous people who dedicate their lives to make our lives better: My first Fabby(ies) go to the Kitchen v.

Herbert team. The six plaintiffs — Derek Kitchen, Moudi Sbeity, Kate Archer, Karen Call, Laurie Wood, and Kody Partridge — have turned their worlds upside down to help bring equality to Utah.

The legal team of Jennifer Fraser Parrish, Jim Magleby and Peggy Tomsic have devoted thousands (if not tens of thousands) of hours of work to this case.

And we can’t forget the good people at Restore Our Humanity — Mark Lawrence, Clyde Peck, Matt Spencer and the rest of that volunteer board — who have had the vision and determination to keep it all moving forward.

My second award goes to my dear friend Becky Moss. Becky has been a part of the Salt Lake activist scene for decades, always

working diligently and compassionately for civil rights for all.

Whether it’s working with the Girl Scouts, the Utah Stonewall Democrats, or just lending her time and money to other people’s causes you can always count on Becky to be right in the middle of it. She’s an inspiration to me and to many others.

Fabby number three goes out to Dan Ellis of the Atheists of Utah whi has embodied the atheists’ concept of “good without god.” He has involved himself and AoU in a remarkable number of service projects that range from highway cleanups to homeless youth outreach. He is always active and supportive of the LGBT community.

Fabby the fourth goes out to my dear friend Connie Anast-Inman, executive director of the Transgender Education Advocates of Utah.

Under her direction TEA has participated in a number of educational seminars that serve to put a more human face on Utah’s transgender community and raise awareness of the problems trans* people face in our society.

My final Fabby goes to Amy Barry, who has been a passionate and dedicated member of the Sugar House community for years, serves on the community council, runs the Farmers’ Market, and helped create the Sugarmont Plaza project.

She’s on the board of the Utah Stonewall Democrats and has spent an immense amount of time helping plan and manage local charity events. Q

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215 E BROADWAY, SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH 11 TO 6, TUES TO SAT WWW.QCLOTHING.COM

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MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY

IT’S COMING MAY 2014 WILL YOU BE A PART OF IT?

?

Contact sales at 801.649.6663 to advertise

Summer Never Sounded So Good!

check out the full lineup at

WWW.REDBUTTEGARDEN.ORG

44 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

Tony’s Gay Agenda A four-day event studded in glitz and glamour,

22thursday — RCGSE Coronation

Times and venues vary, through May 26. Tickets $15–40 per show or $70 weekend package, rcgse.org

the Royal

BAR EVENTS

Court

Two of the hottest clubs (since there is a plethora) in Utah are working the weekends for your pleasure. Both are studded with glitz, glamour and, in some instances, a stuffed sock … yes, I am talking about you Dustin.

of The Golden Spike Empire, along with Emperor & Empress XXXVIII (the numerals are for security reasons) Drake & Angela, presents CORONATION XXXVIX: A Journey from Dark to Light, a black and white affair (again a security measure).

Apparently, if you are not in the know, you can be in-town or out, so plan at your leisure.

2friday — Drag

Show: The Ladies of Marmalade

Club JAM, 751 N. 300 West, 11:30pm. For more info visit jamslc.com

17saturday

— Underwear Night Club Try-Angles, 251 W. 900 South, 10pm. For more info visit clubtryangles.com

THEATRE It is the month of Mother’s Day, so why not take your sweet loving birth canal to a show in remembrance of her complete ag0ny, to this day, of your acceptance into this world. You also may try a show that includes Satan (because we all want to be a slayer like Alyssa Milano), or … and this is an “advisory,” check out Pioneer Theatre Company’s final show of the season, in which it is as satisfying as nipple-play.

1thursday —

Motherhood Out Loud (Pygmalion Productions)

Black Box Theater, Rose Wagner CTR, 138 W. 300 South, times vary, through May 17. Tickets $20, arttix.org

› The Last Days of Judas Iscariot (Wasatch Theatre Co.) Studio Theater, Rose Wagner CTR, 138 W. 300 South, times vary, through May 17. Tickets $15, arttix.org

9friday

— Sweet Charity (Pioneer Theatre)

3saturday — And

the Banned Played On

Jeanne Wagner Theater, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 8pm. Tickets $25, arttix.org

29thursday — Art is 100 Gala

Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Dr., UofU, 6pm. Tickets $200, umfa.utah.edu

CONCERTS The Utah Symphony celebrates the music of the Baby Boomer generation, such as The Beatles and Sonny Bono … really, they pick that tree-hugger over Cher?!!? Also, Morrissey is in town, who was born in ‘59 … which begs the question, is he really ... gay-like?

2friday

— The Beat Goes On: Music of the Baby Boomers Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, 8pm through May 3. Tickets $29-85, arttix.org

16friday — Morrissey

Pioneer Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, UofU, times vary, through May 24.

Tickets $38-64, pioneertheatre.org

Kingsbury Hall, 136 Presidents Circle, U0fU, 8pm. Tickets $68-310, eventticketcenter.com

23friday

17saturday — Salt

— Beowulf (Meat & Potato Theatre Co.) Studio Theater, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, times vary, through June 8. Tickets $20, arttix. org

27tuesday

— Memphis The Musical (Broadway Across America)

lake Men’s Choir: Does Your Mother Know?

Salt Lake masonic Temple, 650 E South Temple, 7:30 pm. Tickets $15 at saltlakemenschoir.org or from any choir member

MOVIES

1thursday —

Spoiler alert: You don’t see him being mummy-bagged like in Brokeback Mountain or see his smooth bottom like in Love and Other Drugs, but screw it, he’s an Oscar-winning movie star, and he is cute as — less the egotistical “selfies” — Grady Sizemore of the the Boston Red Sox.

The Depot, 400 W South Temple, Doors at 9, Show at 10pm. Tickets at Smithstix.com

Jim Santy Auditorium, 1255 Park Ave., Park City, times vary through May 4.

Tickets $7, parkcityfilmseries.com

Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South, times vary, through June 1. Tickets $32.50-55, arttix.org

SPECIAL ENGAGEMENT A century, or more, of expressionism and exclusion.

Ru Paul’s Drag Race: Battle of the Seasons

2friday — Enemy

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Salt Lake Men’s Choir to present ‘Does Your Mother Know — the Music of ABBA’ at the Masonic Temple

RuPaul’s Drag Race: Battle of the Seasons coming to The Depot

Charisma,

uniqueness, nerve and talent will take the stage May 1 at The Depot as RuPaul’s Drag Race: Battle of the Seasons brings queens from Seasons 2–5 of the popular Logo reality program.

These queens will do a lot more than lip-syncing for their lives — the evening’s entertainment will run the variety show gamut, from sung performances to swallowing … fire. (Get your head out of the gutter!)

Raunchy and wicked, sexy and beautiful, each drop-dead diva will attempt to outshine her rivals in a fast-paced, live presentation hosted by popular judge Michelle Visage, with special guest DJ Mimi Imfurst.

Queens will include Jinkx Monsoon, Sharon Needles, Carmen Carrera, Ivy Winters, Pandora Boxx and Phi Phi O’hara.

The show is traveling the country, and if it is anything like the others, here’s part of

what you can expect: Pandora Boxx will revive her Carol Channing impersonation of Season 2’s “Snatch Game” “I love the straight ladies because they love their drag queens, they love their gay boys and they’re the only ones who love the fucking show RuPaul’s Drag U,” she said.

Mimi Imfurst will do a parody of “I Will Survive”and Adele’s “Someone Like You.” Ivy Winters will likely steal the show with her “Cirque du So Gay!” Manila Luzon will reprise her alien-monkey character, Tweaker, from Season 3’s “Queens in Space” episode, aptly lip-syncing to Lady Gaga’s “Venus” single.

Sharon Needles will bring on her over-the-top shock factor.

Fans of the show will truly enjoy this evening. Q May 1, The Depot, 400 W. South Temple.

Doors 9pm, Show 10pm. Tickets at smithstix.com.

Talk about Dancing Queens. The Salt Lake Men’s Choir is deep into rehearsals for their Spring show, “Does Your Mama Know: The Music of Abba.”

Whether you know them as ’70s club staples, classic rock radio regulars or the basis for the soundtrack to Mamma Mia!, pop phenomenon ABBA’s timeless hits remain favorites of music fans around the world. Sing along to “Waterloo,” “Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (a Man After Midnight)” and “Voulez Vous.” Hop on this entertaining ride through musical history and relive the fabulous costumes, booty-shaking moves and excitement of the disco-era heyday.

And with this choir singing the songs, some take on a whole new meaning — “Does Your Mother Know (that You’re Out),” “When I Kissed the Teacher,” “Fernando,” and of course, “Dancing Queen.”

The concert will be presented at the Masonic Temple, 650 E. South Temple on Saturday, May 17 at 7:30 p.m. saltlakemenschoir.org or find them on Facebook.

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46 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | ARTS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

PTC responds to Utah mom’s rant over gay kiss It’s not

unusual for Pioneer Theatre Company to receive complaint letters — when the company is performing for 12,000-15,000 people per production, it undoubtedly will not please everyone.

Thoughts?

Take a few minutes and read this customer’s complaint and PTC’s response, and see what you think. Warning: This might ruffle your feathers... in one direction or other. Plus, the discussion centers around an incident that can be considered a spoiler.

Chris [Lino, Managing Director], I trusted you! I have been a season ticket holder for 10 years and in the past have appreciated the quality of the acting and set design. I love the theatre and have taken my children to the theatre in hopes that they too will love it and continue to support the ARTS. I am normally calm, mild-mannered, and don’t get upset, but last night, at the close of the first act of Deathtrap, I was infuriated with the explicit, homosexual display on stage because I had brought my teenage son to see the seemingly innocuous play. I based my decision to take my teenage son upon the content advisory you provided.

In the past, I have appreciated the content advisories, and I have relied upon them to make attendance decisions. I realize that, unfortunately, you feel you must appeal to an insignificant minority of patrons by offering “edgy” material. I regret that you feel that way. I have wasted many tickets the last two years by choosing NOT to attend plays that were offensive and vulgar.

Because I relied on the content advisory, I am infuriated this evening. I felt compelled to walk out immediately, but had been taught etiquette as a child (my seat is [REDACTED]). It took all of my self control as I fumed in my seat for the

L-R: Thom Sesma (Sidney Bruhl) and Devin Norik (Clifford Anderson). long minute before intermission. Why was brazen homosexual content not included in the advisory?

As I left at intermission, I talked to your employees in the ticket booth asking for upper management, but you were not available. When I inquired as to why that content was left out of the advisory I was told that it would “ruin the plot.” Ruin the plot?! You ruined my evening, ruined my trust in you, and you ruined the trust my son has in me to find worthwhile entertainment for him. I feel sick about tonight.

I am appalled that you could not have simply stated: homosexual content. I have NEVER been so disgusted and infuriated!

I was livid. I know your ticket sales clerk and manager are not responsible, and they handled the situation well. I had read and reread the content advisory to make sure it would be suitable to have my teenage son attend. I anticipated that he would appreciate the suspense, intrigue, plot twists, and mystery. The decision on the theatre’s part not to divulge repulsive content was irresponsible and negligent! You have that responsibility to your patrons.

Please refund my money for this last evening’s performance as well as Sweet Charity as we will not be using our tickets.

Thank you in advance. My real desire is that you could erase the images in my son’s mind and in mine.

Please send my refund to: [REDACTED] I hope my feedback will prompt you to include ALL potentially offensive content in the advisory in the future!

RESPONSE: Dear [REDACTED]— I received your e-mail, and am sorry that

Alexander Weisman.

you were offended by the kissing scene.

We did not include the scene in the content advisory for two reasons: 1. It is indeed a major plot revelation in a murder mystery that relies entirely on plot twists for suspense, revealing the motive for the murder that has just occurred; to include it would have revealed a plot point that would have spoiled the show for patrons.

2. I did not think it rose to the level of requiring an advisory. You describe the content as “edgy,” and there are indeed times we do produce edgier material (this year’s Other Desert Cities or last season’s Clybourne Park come to mind, for which I believe we go to great pains to provide content advisories), but in this day and age I hardly think Deathtrap, a 40-year-old play, or a brief kiss by two men (there is no other sexual activity of any kind in the play) qualifies as edgy.

I have to ask, and I do so in all sincerity: In putting on Deathtrap, we are “play acting,” and in this particular play we show two characters carrying out a cold-blooded murder, and then we show them kissing as the motivation for the murder. You object to the kissing, but not to the fact that they’re murderers? You are comfortable with your son witnessing an enacted murder, but not a same sex kiss? In both cases, it’s just make-believe, but how is a play that depicts murder, whether it’s a contemporary murder-mystery like Deathtrap or an immortal tragedy like Macbeth, morally acceptable while the depiction of a fairly innocuous, albeit same-sex kiss, is totally unacceptable? The script doesn’t ask you to condone either the murder or the kiss; despite what you imply, we’re not promoting a homosexual agenda in producing

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Deathtrap; if anything, since the two characters who kiss are the villains of the piece, the kiss becomes part of their villainy, and both characters get their comeuppance in the second act.

Based on your letter, I anticipate that I might receive several more on this subject.

(I half expect to get other letters of complaint from other patrons who accuse the play of “gay bashing” by revealing the character’s murderous impulses to be a function of their homosexuality — I’ve learned in 23 years that there’s nothing we can do that won’t offend somebody). Even if that hap-

pens — even if I get twenty letters — the vast majority of our patrons will enjoy the show and regard the kissing “reveal” as a shocking but satisfying plot twist. In that circumstance — if the majority of our patrons don’t feel “betrayed” by our not mentioning the kiss — I would not tell you you’re wrong to be offended, but I would ask you to consider who we’re writing the advisories for: the 80-90 percent of our patrons who aren’t offended by the element in question, or the 10-20 percent who are?

In any event, I don’t expect to persuade you to my point of view, even if I don’t understand

yours. Clearly, for you, the depiction of a same sex kiss is offensive — you use the word “repulsive” — and you are right that we did not warn you that that would be in the play.

On that basis, I will be glad to refund you the price of your tickets to Deathtrap and will instruct my Patron Services Manager to process a refund.

I will not refund your tickets for Sweet Charity. You are free to use them yourself, give them away, or return them to the theatre for a tax deductible donation.

It sounds as if you have been unhappy with many of our productions, since you write

that you’ve wasted many tickets over the past few seasons by not attending plays that you describe as offensive and vulgar, and it sounds as though you wish to discontinue your association with the theatre.

On your instructions, I will advise our marketing and box office staffs to place a “Do Not Contact” note on your records, and will release your season tickets for sale for next season.

I always hate to lose a patron, but it is, I’ve found, better to lose a patron than risk betraying her trust and offending her repeatedly, something we have apparently done in your case.

Sincerely, Chris Lino Q

48 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | ARTS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

interview

Elaine Stritch The Lady Who Lives For Tomorrow

by Chris Azzopardi

A vase

of lilies sits amidst medical paraphernalia used to keep Elaine Stritch’s diabetes in check. Her caretaker has just arranged the flowers and set them in the middle of the kitchen table — flowers I brought her as a token of gratitude for inviting me into her Birmingham, Mich., home, and because it’s almost Valentine’s Day — and Stritch can see them just fine even without her oversized specs.

“Oh, they’re beautiful, Chris. I happen to love them,” she gushes. “They’re just the kind of flowers I dig. Small bouquet.

White. Everything.” She stares longer, pondering and admiring, and then turns her eyes playfully toward me.

“I’ll bet you got a little help.”

She’s sharper than expected for an 89-year-old lady barely able to stand on her own two feet. As she sits next to me in a wheelchair, even something as mundane as removing a Chapstick cap is arduous.

And today was especially hard. She fell again.

“Sore, sore,” she bemoans, her voice like sandpaper as she eases from a walker into the chair. “One of the worst days I’ve had that you’re here.”

When I thank her for still having me over despite the tumble, she zings me: “Well, you should.”

It’s just minutes into our chat, and after she’s called me out for asking her assistant the color flower she fancies most, what’s not lagging is evident: Stritch’s mouth. She’s still foul, she’s still demanding, she’s still brutally honest – she’s still brilliant. Focusing on a drink that her caretaker places in front of her, she gives it the staredown before scoffing, “I don’t know why you put it in this cocktail glass. I don’t want it in this. What’s a matter with her?”

There’s no alcohol in the cup, by the way. Even though Stritch, a recovering alcoholic, is allowing herself one boozy drink a day, this is not it. So what is it?

“This is...”

Confused, she looks at her assistant from across the kitchen table, raising her finger to caution him. She knows he’s about to finish her thought, and – despite a spotty memory – she wants no help. “Don’t tell me! I’ll kill you if you tell me!”

He smiles and complies.

Stritch is a truth-teller, never sugarcoating, never concealing.

While struggling to record her renowned part as Joanne, a role she originated in Stephen Sondheim’s 1970 musical Company, she got red-hot. Unable to nail a note during “The Ladies Who Lunch,” she erupted into a screaming, ranting diva tantrum, all the while puffing away at a cigarette. Her Emmy-winning Elaine Stritch at Liberty, a live one-woman show performed on Broadway in 2002, was essentially a memoir: Here was someone cracking her steel shell and handing you her essence. But Stritch’s greatest role may be as herself in director Chiemi Karasawa’s hilarious and bittersweet documentary Elaine Stritch: Shoot Me, a tribute to Stritch’s life and career as she faces the inevitable and imminent end of both.

Today she’s opening herself up again, maybe even more so than unusual. “Anything you wanna ask me,” she says, “feel free to do it.”

Revealing a life full of triumphs, failures, fears and sadness, the celebrity veneer comes off. Everything is exposed.

At this point, what does she have to lose? Besides her pants, which are nowhere in sight.

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But in a nearby room – let’s call it the dining room, though there’s no table – pieces of her are everywhere. The walls are lined with photographs of Stritch with Bernadette Peters, with James Gandolfini, with Bela Lugosi (Stritch starred as the ingénue in the late-’40s play of the black-and-white Dracula).

One particularly striking photo showcases a young Judy Garland, a friend of Elaine’s.

The photos, the famous faces, the gleaming accolades atop her piano – they’re a surface glimpse into a legend’s history. In this room, Stritch’s life looks big and grand, remarkable and fruitful. Anyone would want this life – except maybe Elaine.

“I think my life has been very sad,” Stritch says candidly. That can’t be. Look at that room. “Rounding out, yeah, I do.”

A few downer moments, maybe? “The whole thing.”

When I look at her dumbfounded, she clarifies: “Oh, I had moments. I had moments that were knockouts, great, successful and ‘yay.’ Lots of those moments, absolutely.

And accomplishments. God, I thought I accomplished a great deal. I’ve got a lot of wonderful memories, I really do.” She throws a smirk my way. “And I’ll tell you about them, if I can remember and think and get you out of here before 6.”

Looking for love It’s not hard to understand Elaine Stritch’s sorrow, especially now. Her health is suffering, her memory is going, and having a team of people take care of her isn’t her idea of a blissful existence. “These gals are running around trying to stop me from falling and killing myself. They’re not here because I’m rich and looking after myself. Do you understand what I mean? That isn’t very happy.”

Stritch sometimes references an aphorism from her late husband, John Bay: “Everybody’s got a sack of rocks.” Having lugged rocks around since she was a kid, it seems full circle – now that she’s, in many ways, a kid again – to reveal, after all this time, how the theater took the place of a family she never had.

“I’ll give you a break. I’m gonna tell you something I’ve never told anybody, so that’s good,” Stritch says. “I don’t think anybody in my family had the capability of … what am I trying to say?”

From across the table, she looks to the same assistant, the one who suggested white for the flowers I wanted to bring her. “You know what I’m trying to say. I’ve told you this a million times.”

Silence suggests a heartbroken soul-baring. “There’s a background to my life story that is not happy.”

Her eyes wander, momentarily disappearing in the past. “I adored my mother and father. Adored them. And I look back on them, at them, with them, and I thought they were

just darling. I loved them!

The catch: “I don’t think anybody in my family – none of them were capable of standing up and declaring their love for anybody. I’m not saying they didn’t love me, but they sure as hell didn’t know how to show me. I think it’s one of the hardest things in the world to get over, or to never get over.”

As a kid, Stritch looked for a way to express herself, but found that to be near impossible – she just couldn’t do it. The problem was, she didn’t know how.

“Something was missing in my life,” she confesses. “But once I got on the stage, I felt totally at home.”

And she felt adored and appreciated and, most of all, loved by the sea of people she looked out on every night, including and perhaps especially, her gay audience.

A Broadway legend has to be aware the community thinks she’s an icon, but no, not Stritch. “I’m just becoming aware of it,” she admits, but why now? “By articles such as this one. I really have become very much aware, first of all, what great audiences they are. And it isn’t that I finally discovered that gay people understand me and straight people don’t – oh, no no no. Not a word of truth in that. I can’t tell you how many straight people I know that think I am the cat’s pajamas.”

But not knowing you have a gay following until now, 70 years into your career … a career in one of the gayest professions pursuable: the theater? Stritch is as surprised as you are.

“It sounds like I’ve lost my mind, but I feel like I’m becoming aware of it. The longer that people think of me as a big-time actress, and as long as, uh, what’s his name?”

After tossing out a few names, she confirms it’s Edward Albee, the Tony- and Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright. Stritch worked with Albee on the 1996 revival of A Delicate Balance and – in 1962, as Martha – on Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? The respect she has for Albee is just immense, she says, but that fondness also extends to the other gay men in her life, near and far.

It’s their sense of humor she savors.

“I gotta get in that line, because I think gay people have extraordinary humor.

Extraordinary! I’m talking deep, deep, deep humor. Deep humor that goes way below the ...”

Trailing off, she looks up almost to see if she can find the word. It’s not there, and she doesn’t warn her assistant this time. There’s no death threat. “The belt,” he adds. “The what?” she says.

Even if she didn’t know it, and many times she says she didn’t, Stritch nurtured many close relationships with gay men throughout her career. And when she wasn’t collaborating with Albee or singing Sondheim, she was

out with Rock Hudson, wining and dining and doing the exact opposite of what some people assumed. Before Hudson died of complications from AIDS in 1985, the two were rumored to be romantically involved while working on the 1957 adaptation of Ernest Hemingway’s love story A Farewell to Arms.

“Did we have an affair? No,” she clarifies.

“He was nuts about me, and I felt it, knew it.

And I was madly in love with this gorgeous guy. But I couldn’t have reacted in any real way because I don’t think he was truly in love with me. I think he just loved me and loved that we had fun and loved to be with me.”

Hudson, she says, dedicated all his off-set time to her, never to anyone else working on the film.

“Anybody that dates you all the time, wants to be with you all the time, takes you out everywhere – he had a good time with me. You know what I’m talking about. And there’s nobody who says that gay guys don’t have fun with women, because they do!”

Sex fun?

“Oh, absolutely. Some of them, yes.”

True, though now we’d call that bisexual or queer, or nothing at all – a label-less defiance of the times. But Stritch is only now realizing that gay people go nuts for her.

This is a work in progress.

“I don’t even know if (Rock) was aware of anybody being gay,” she says, noting she found out when it was announced that he had AIDS. “That all had to surround it because I wouldn’t have known, and then it was so crowded and overloaded with sadness. I mean, that’s really sad. I got off easy, I think.” She stops and backpedals: “Not by not being gay, but I just got off easy.”

Though Stritch didn’t know what “gay” meant then, it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. “I don’t care who’s gay and who isn’t! I liked everybody! I had a ball in my life!” she says. “This all sounds contradictory. This is a contradictory interview. It will be.

“It’s true that your life can be, ugh, not good at all – sad – and yet hysterically funny.

I don’t think sad is contradictory to funny.”

Speaking firmly and reiterating that point, this paradox is the part of her life – her whole life – she wants people to understand most. Layers of bullshit and heartbreak and hilarity and happiness – we all feel that, we all have that.

“Absolutely,” she agrees. “I think it took me forever – forever! – to admit that to myself, because I couldn’t believe I had everything I wanted, so what the fuck was I looking for? You know? I couldn’t explain it to myself, Chris.”

All she wanted was one word. Just four letters.

“Love,” she says.

—Continued on page 50

50 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

Elaine Stritch Continued from previous page

Love – of course. We all want that. We all need that.

“I’m not saying it’s unusual. I’m saying that I’m part of the team.”

Showbiz: ‘A pain in the ass’ Stritch beams when she remembers 2004, the year she won her second Emmy, this time for Elaine Stritch at Liberty – the best moment of her career, she says. “It takes an awful lot to win an Emmy. People don’t realize, and you wait all your life practically. It’s a pain in the ass, show business!”

It was a momentous triumph, her face wonderstruck when they announced her name. And that boastful verbal middle finger she waved loud and proud during that acceptance speech – who could forget?

“It was the greatest relief I’ve ever felt in my life,” Stritch recalls. “I won! You didn’t win; I won! I went nuts.”

But isn’t it enough to be nominated? She pooh-poohs. “Nice to be nominated – it’s about the un-nicest thing that could ever happen to you.”

That’s saying a lot considering her experience with “un-nice,” though she might choose even harsher words for Anges de Mille, who collaborated with Stritch on the 1958 musical Goldilocks. The famed choreographer was not a fan of the then-aspiring Broadway star. Stritch says the two clashed when de Mille criticized the unbefitting way Stritch pointed her toes during a dance sequence, souring Stritch’s first experience in a starring role on Broadway.

“I’m no fool,” Stritch assures. “I know when someone likes me and when they don’t.”

Agnes blasted Elaine; Elaine, of course, held her own. “I remember once when I was cursing her. I didn’t know what the hell she was talking about.”

Stritch recalls de Mille’s verbal lashing for the toe-pointing that did not meet de Mille’s standards: “What are you trying to prove, Elaine?” Stritch gave it right back to her.

“You know, I’m not trying to prove anything, Ms. de Mille. I’m trying to find out how to make this damn dance just like you’re trying to make it amuuuuusing for the audience, because I think it’s kind of funny. I think it’s got a lot of humor to it. So thank you for that, Agnes.”

Stritch rolls her eyes. “I think I made Agnes de Mille uncomfortable because she didn’t think I liked her. She was missing the joke someplace. And she knew it. And she was.”

Who she got on with so well during that

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

show might surprise you, only because you never really saw him. He was inside the bear suit. And he was gay.

“I think he was more or less the funniest guy I worked with – well, certainly in that show. I didn’t like any of the directors.

I didn’t like – what else didn’t I like? The whole production.”

Stritch, however, knows she also has a reputation for being a pain, and before starring in Woody Allen’s 1987 “play on film” September the director sent her a letter (she reads it in the Shoot Me doc) requesting, in so many words, she come in, do her job and not be a bother. Is she really that difficult to work with? Not if you ask Stritch.

“No,” she says. “Not for a really talented person.”

And great talent doesn’t walk away after a letdown like Goldilocks. Stritch stayed on stage, where she’d go on to perform in the original production of William Inge’s 1955 play Bus Stop, Noël Coward’s 1961 musical Sail Away and Sondheim’s Company, the production that’s at least partly responsible for her gay following (Jinkx Monsoon of RuPaul’s Drag Race parodied her seminal showstopper with “Here’s the Ladies in Drag”).

“I don’t think Sondheim was aware of his own homosexuality at the time,” Stritch says. “That’s what I found so interesting about Company. Nobody knew what (the lead) Bobby was, who Bobby was, how Bobby was – I don’t think any of us knew.

Maybe they knew, but I sure didn’t.” (Of the rumored revision in which Bobby would be an out gay man, she says, “I think Sondheim did that already!”)

Though off stage Stritch appeared on The Goodyear Television Playhouse, an NBC anthology series airing in the mid-’50s during the “Golden Age of Television” – and later on a couple episodes of Law & Order (her first Emmy win) – she wouldn’t be known as a bona fide TV star until more recently, when she played opposite Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock. The stage was her home. Not some TV set. In fact, Stritch has long since moved past the initial pain of losing out on the role of Dorothy Zbornak to Bea Arthur when she auditioned for Golden Girls.

“My feelings were very hurt by that, but I’m awful glad I didn’t do it. I could’ve made a lot of money, but nothing’s worse than ending up like – there’s a lot of money out in Hollywood. It’s a killer. I could’ve made a lot of money if I played ball, but I didn’t wanna play ball. And I didn’t wanna play sitcoms for the rest of my life, and that’s what I would’ve done.”

Appearing together in the 1956 TV series Washington Square, Stritch and Arthur talked at length about the sitcom business, she recalls. Stritch praises Arthur for her acting and comedic talents. She even calls her a

“great dame.” “But I wouldn’t wanna be her,” she says. And there’s almost no delay in the rest of that revelation: “Well, she’s dead, so I’d rather be me now.”

Don’t let the sun go down on me Dishes clank from the kitchen as Stritch’s caretaker fields phone calls, one from the doctor, another from The Los Angeles Times, calling to confirm a fast-approaching chat. And despite her assistant’s warning that she has a tendency to cut interviews short because her attention span can’t endure them, Stritch actually hates to end this one.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t give you more time, Chris,” she says, “but for some reason I’m just hotter than a pistol!”

I insist I’ll be on my way. “Don’t cut yourself short. You can read me out. It’s all right, I’ll just be late for everybody else.”

And just like her attitude toward life, Stritch doesn’t stop. She wants to keep going.

“I’ve never been unhealthy,” she laments.

“I wanted to go to my hometown and get fixed up with whatever’s wrong with me and live for a few more years. Because I could use ’em. I just don’t want to lose the time. I’d be happy with two, three years. Just happy, happy.”

Even though she left New York last year and returned to her Michigan birthplace – both to escape the franticness of the city and to reconnect with family – she’s not ready to hang up her bowler hat just yet.

Stritch still has to do a new play (”I don’t care who writes it as long as it’s good”), and she’s planning a reading of Three Tall Women close to home. She wants to get a feel for Albee’s drama locally, in Ann Arbor, before taking it to the Big Apple. “Can I, will I, could I, should I do the whole nine yards? I don’t know. That’s a play and a half. I mean, it’s a really tough go.”

Never stopped her before, I contend.

Once more, she grins like she’s onto me.

“I knew you would say something similar to that.”

Also on the to-do list is a collaboration with Elton John, yet another gay man she’s pining for. Delighted over the prospect, which she mentions in Shoot Me – the closing credits fittingly play “The Bitch Is Back” as she heads home – Elaine’s not letting this one go.

“I know it really is on his mind, and I’m convinced he really cares about me. Nobody buys that many orchids who isn’t interested in you.” The grin – there it is again. “And that’s not including Rock Hudson, but I think I have to say that because it makes a good tagline on this interview.” Q Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBT wire service. Reach him via his website at www.chris-azzopardi.com.

GARDEN | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 51

may, 2014 | issue 231 | gaysaltlake.com

May Gardening Tips Spring

in Utah brings sunny 70-degree temperatures one day and snow the next, sometimes even in the same day.

According to the Utah State University Botanical Center, April was a time for yard and gardn clean-up, as well as to plant semi-cool crops like cauliflower, lettuces and carrots.

It is also the time to aerate the lawn.

Another tip was about spring blooms like daffodils and tulips. Wait to cut back the foliage of the plant until the leaves turn yellow or die back, giving them time to send nurishment to the bulbs for next year’s show.

Here are the May tips: Finish planting the garden and put down a good mulch layer for weed control.

Thin the apples and peaches to one fruit every 5 to 6 inches.

Plant annuals once the danger of frost is past.

Fertilize annuals about two weeks after planting to stimulate growth.

Fertilize the lawn with a high-nitrogen fertilizer and broadleaf

weed killer to turf grass.

Water lawn 1 to 1½ inches per week.

Prune spring blooming shrubs after they finish blooming.

Apply chelated iron to plants suffering from iron chlorosis.

Enjoy a sit in the flowerbed to deadhead spring perennials

and dig annual weeds.

End of may, begin planting very tender plants such as cantaloupe, eggplant, lima bean, pepper, pumpkin, tomato, watermelon and winter squash.

Utah State University Botanical Center

Control broadleaf weeds in the lawn with a 2,4-D product before temperatures are above 85 degrees.

Spray birch trees to control the bronze birch borer, and ash trees for ash borer.

Call your local USU Extension Office for the date to begin spraying apple and pear trees to control codling moths and prevent worms in the fruit.

Install • Design • Maintenance Sprinkler Repair

Use mulch or a pre-emergent herbicide to prevent weeds in the garden.

801.913.8881

Clean sprinkler heads and check for good water coverage.

www.evergreenelandscape.com

Start planting tender plants such as celery, cucumber, dry bean, snap bean, spinach, summer squash, sweet corn.

Check USU Pest Advisory to get a head start on controlling garden pests.

Plant your beautiful new perennial and annual flowers.

Treat perennial plants with compost or slow-release fertilizer.

Millcreek Gardens

52 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD&DRINK

food & drink Live Organic Vegetarian Gluten Free Food

Try Our Bean Burrito!

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801-486-0332

www.omarsrawtopia.com

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

Dive in to Duffy’s

by Joshua Jones

A lot of

our readers have probably never heard of Duffy’s, a homey little tavern at 932 E. Main Street. It was just a year ago my partner and I first ventured in and, since then, we’ve been going back a couple times a month … so I could be a little biased. But I’m buttressed by a wide swath of family and friends we’ve introduced to the place who now also call it their favorite hole-in-the-wall.

The area may feel a bit gritty as you approach (neighbors include hookers, a homeless shelter and Uncle Bart’s Piss Palace), but the zombies stay out and once inside you’ll meet some of the best patrons, cocktail slingers and proprietors in the city.

Mark Phipps has owned the place since 1998 and his acceptance of gays and lesbians is terrific, but moreover, his disdain towards ignorance and bigotry is legendary. This teddy bear has a severe propensity against any kind of prejudice. Mark’s hire of newly wedded Pidge and Amy Fowler has also made the place a little more rainbowfied and a lot more sassy, sweet, and sexy.

But it’s what they’re doing in their cardboard box of a kitchen that will keep you coming back. In the space of about four feet, a one-man-band preps, assembles, toasts, and serves some incredible sandwiches; along with chili, wings and pizza.

No Duffy’s virgin should go without tasting the GLA sandwich. A fistful of pepperoni, ham, pastrami and mozzarella sits between a fresh ciabatta bun that has been spread liberally with balsamic aioli and then topped with house-made tapenade of finely chopped olives, garlic, onions, jalapenos, spices and a few secrets. It could be compared to a muffuletta, but with a little more spice and a lot more flavor. Considering you can only get The GLA at Duffy’s, and since it’s so healthy and low-fat, I’d suggest having it every day.

There are 18 more sandwiches to explore, including the Cheese Steak, which starts with a third of a pound of roast beef (Arby’s would spread that amount to approximately nine sandwiches) topped with sautéed mushrooms, onions, and an incredible amount of mozzarella all toasted together on a hoagie. It will require a knife

and fork before you’re done as well as a side of willpower not to eat the whole thing in one sitting, as it could easily be two or three meals.

There are a few seasonal items that popup throughout the year for which you’ll want to take a special trip. During football season, sensational, buttery omelets with

your choice of about 10 meats and cheeses are served until 3 p.m. Summer pig roasts are regular, and you’ll want to schedule some time now in November when they have a seasonal chili available. It’s thick, meaty and has a kick; and because everything at Duffy’s is so healthy, they’ll kindly bury a pork tamale in that chili for a just a couple more bucks and then drench it in cheese and diced onions. Around St. Patrick’s Day, an Irish Stew arrives for a limited time made with tender, braised lamb cooked overnight in a stout beer. The aroma makes the bar smell amazing, and with live bag pipes in the background and dark beer in front of us, we felt like we were in the old country.

Duffy’s Tavern has been in operation since 1978, a lifetime for Salt Lake bars.

With serious attention to service, friendliness, and unforgettable sandwiches, this hidden little jewel box will be around a while, but head in soon, your diet can wait another day.

All the sandwiches are huge and clock in at around $9.00 with a choice of sides — my favorite being a uniquely light (by Duffy’s standards) homemade pasta salad.

Duffy’s is open 11 a.m. to 1 a.m. every day. Q

FOOD&DRINK | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 53

may, 2014 | issue 231 | gaysaltlake.com

dining guide Cafe SuperNatural

Finn’s Cafe

Trolley Square 600 E Side 801-363-1000 Quick cuisine using as much local and organically grown ingredients as possible. With a 100% plant-based and 100% gluten-free menu, the community can enjoy a refreshing meal and drink to stay or on the go.

Eggs in the City 1675 E 1300 S 801-581-0809 Breakfast or lunch in a friendly, warm and hip environment. The converted garage is now a stylish, enticing eatery.

Try the eggs Benedict, French toast, customtailored omelets, huevos rancheros or cheese blintzes for breakfast.

FOR PEOPLE TO COME IN AND HAVE A BITE TO EAT. COFFEE BURGERS SANDWICHES SOUPS SALADS APPETIZERS BREAKFAST BRUNCH POOL TABLE VIDEO GAMES OPEN Mon-Thur 8a–6p Friday 7a-3p AND After Bar Closing Fridays and Saturdays

259 W 900 S 801 364-4307

www.offtraxslc.com

1624 S 1100 E 801-467-4000 Family owned and operated for 62 years, Finn’s Cafe has been a large part of Utah’s fine dining heritage, specializing in both Norwegian and traditional dishes for breakfast and lunch.

Full barista bar, fresh squeezed juices, and inhouse bakery.

Off Trax  offtraxslc.com 259 W 900 S 801-364-4307 Home of the Happy Hangover. Breakfast, lunch. Sunday brunch and weekend afterhours. Gay-owned and operated. Next to Club Try-Angles.

Omar’s Rawtopia  omarsrawtopia.com

2148 S Highland Dr 801-486-0332 Omar prepares all raw, live and organic food from scratch with absolute love to create amazing food that is powerfully healing for your mind, body, and spirit.

Sage’s Cafe 234 W 900 S 801-322-3790 Your favorite vegetarian restaurant is moving to Ninth South with a slough of other owneroperated, locally owned restaurants. Watch for their reopening in December.

SQUATTERS PUB BREWERY  squatters.com 147 W 300 S 801-363-2739 Salt Lake’s original brew

Next to Club Try-Angles, Half Block from TRAX in the NEW Gayborhood!

Home of the Happy Hangover Sunday Brunch 11am–2pm Q PON

Free Soda or Coffee with food purchase

pub featuring awardwinning fresh brewed beers, lunch, dinner and weekend brunch.

Private banquet facilities available.

SQUATTERS Roadhouse Grill & Pub  www.squatters.com 1900 Park Ave, Park City 435-649-9868 Park City’s brewpub features breakfast, lunch and dinner daily and is a full liquor licensee, serving both Squatters and Wasatch Beers.

Vertical Diner 2280 S West Temple 801-484-8378 Vegan diner serving down-home comfort food and breakfast all day. Specialties include fried faux chicken, blueberry pancakes, and

hand cut french fries.

Also serving fair trade coffee, tea, chocolate, and more.

Wasatch Brew Pub  wasatchbeers.com 250 Main, Park City 435-645-0900 At the top of Main Street and a local favorite since 1989, Wasatch Brew Pub serves lunch, dinner and weekend brunch, along with award winning beers and full liquor service.

Private banquet facilities available.

ZEST KITCHEN & BAR 275 S 200 W 801-433-0589 Zest kitchen & bar melds healthy food and fresh, hand crafted drinks within a modern, social environment.

54 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD & DRINK

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

wine terriorist Great wines tell an honest story

by David White

Spring

has finally arrived. Lemonade stands will start popping up soon. And when the mercury rises, it’s nearly impossible to pass one without making a purchase.

Of course, neighborhood kids would never dare charge more than a dollar or two for a cup of lemonade. But what if a budding entrepreneur asked for $20? Would you still make the purchase? Probably not. But if offered a glass of great wine, few oenophiles would hesitate to spend such a sum. Many would be willing to pay $20 for just a two-ounce pour.

Obviously, wine is different from lemonade. But what makes it so special?

Michael Madrigale, one of the nation’s top sommeliers, recently suggested two answers to that question.

He was visiting San Francisco from New York, where he directs the wine program at several of Daniel Boulud’s restaurants.

Madrigale was speaking at 18 Reasons, a nonprofit that focuses on the relationship between food and community.

The topic? What sommeliers drink when spending their own money.

Many wine enthusiasts envy sommeliers, since they routinely open and taste bottles most of us could never afford. And they get to hang out with fascinating winemakers from across the world. But when they’re home, sommeliers are just like the rest of us—fully aware of budgets and priorities but still looking for something great.

A “great wine,” Madrigale contended, “offers an honest reflection of where it came from.”

Madrigale’s words were spot on. In part, wine is special because it’s able to translate time and place. Great ones achieve that higher purpose.

This concept certainly isn’t original. Fans of Burgundy and Mosel often battle over which region’s wines better express the characteristics of their vintage and the soils and climate in which they’re grown.

Ted Lemon, one of America’s leading Pinot Noir producers,

Deer Valley Resort, Riverhorse on Main

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has even gone so far as to urge his colleagues to “give up being a winemaker” and instead “have the confidence to listen [to the vineyard] and allow the site to speak.”

Lemon was addressing the 2013 Mornington Peninsula International Pinot Noir Celebration, a major event in Australia. “Your job is to craft wines which are the most honest, crystalline expression of their place and then let others decide if they feel that your efforts are worthy,” he continued.

So when picking up their own tab, sommeliers seek wines that are truthful and transparent.

Madrigale’s second answer to what makes wine so special is just as important.

“Wine is not just a beverage,” he said. “It’s a story.”

This concept, too, has been around for quite some time.

Consider older wines. They’re a connection to the past and each bottle has a story to tell. I’ll never forget the evening a friend shared a 1961 Château Ausone.

The estate is one of Bordeaux’s most celebrated, and 1961 was a legendary vintage. The wine was stunning—still fresh and vibrant—but that was almost beside the point. In 1961, John F. Kennedy was inaugurated and France was still at war with Algeria. So while tasting the wine, much of my focus was on those who made it and the world they inhabited.

Young wines are just as capable of telling great stories.

This past weekend, I opened a Pinot Noir from Forge Cellars, a producer in New York’s Finger Lakes. Those of us who obsess over Pinot Noir like to think we can identify a wine’s origin by simply putting our noses in a glass. But this wine was unlike anything I’d ever had. It stopped me in my tracks, as it had obviously captured the essence of Finger Lakes Pinot Noir.

Lemonade simply can’t offer a window to other places and cultures. Few would ever discuss lemonade’s honesty. But wine?

Great ones always tell an honest story. Q David White is the founder and editor of Terroirist.com, named “Best Overall Wine Blog” at the 2013 Wine Blog Awards.

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 55

may, 2014 | issue 231 | gaysaltlake.com

PETER YARROW April 18-19 April 24-25

May 17

Driving Miss Daisy May 22-25 T H E AT R E

328 Main Street, Park City

ParkCityShows.com

435.649.9371

56 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

anagram An anagram is a word or phrase that can be made using the letters from another word or phrase. Rearrange the letters below to answer:

A leader

REAL MAN WRECK

____ ________

cryptogram A cryptogram is a puzzle where one letter in the puzzle is substituted with another. For example:

GIRLFIEND by Michaelle Gruben

ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! Has the solution: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! In the above example Es are all replaced

by Cs. The puzzle is solved by recognizing letter patterns in words and successively substituting letters until the solution is reached.

This week’s hint: D=M

Theme: Robin Roberts quote:

Aco mcllf ngbi rvfl vfjjgbqxx gx fbi rvfl gl zqfbx ncy aco ___

_____

____

____

_________ __

___

____ _____

__ ___

___.

PUZZLE ANSWERS ON PAGE 54

may, 2014 | issue 231 | gaysaltlake.com

COMICS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 57

58 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | ADVICE

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

mr. manners

Apologize no more (than necessary) It seems

Frontman with a Problem in Front

46 With 59-Across, actor that plays -Across 51 Additional 52 Azaria of The Birdcage 53 The Last King of Scotland character 56 1984 Lily Tomlin movie 59 See 46-Across 61 More minute 62 Nocturnal reptile of Tennessee 63 Beginnings 64 Playground piece for a couple

19 Hawke of Hamlet 21 Mary Tyler Moore’s costar Ed 22 Eminem’s ___ Mile Across 23 Constellation over 1 Takei of Star Trek Rio 7 Rocker Boz 24 Fairy tale bad guy 13 Address to King 25 Fedora feature Edward 26 “___ On Down the 14 Dancer Duncan Road” 15 Start of an upcom29 Michelangelo’s ing Broadway musimother-and-son cal title piece 16 Goes out with 31 Tiny bit NASA astronaut 32 Long bath Ride?

33 ___ homo 17 Music lover’s buys 34 Gay activist, e.g.

18 Leg smoother 37 It’s a Wonderful Life Down director Frank 20 Virginia Woolf’s A 1 AIDS org.

40 Noticeable opening, Room of ___ Own 2 Looked at with The 21 More of the title 3 Ford contemporary 42 A guy’s junk 24 Hardly like a muscle 4 Straight line 44 Colette’s The ___ 5 Smiled from ear to Mary One ear 27 Survivor, sometimes 46 “Faboo!”

6 Cut leaves of grass 28 Will Geer’s role on 47 First name in talk by the sidewalk The Waltons 48 Lesbos and others 7 F.I.C.A. funds it 30 Put under 8 James Dean’s East of 49 Fistful of Dollars 35 Sophie B. Hawkins’ director Sergio Eden role “The Cream Will 9 Lesbian pulp author 50 Vonda Shepard’s ___” “It’s ___ Kiss” Arthur 36 End of the title 53 Gershwin and Levin 10 Auctioneer’s word 38 A little, to Bernstein 11 Garson of Holly54 Actress Merrill 39 Come out 55 Voyeur’s confession wood 41 Having a cool head 12 Full of lip 57 Seizure for Caesar 43 On the summit of 58 Month in Madrid 14 Porter’s “Where 45 Pussy, King of the ___ Life That Late I 60 Street where DePirates author Kathy Led?” bussy lived

by Rock Magen

to me that a new trend is to always be apologizing.

We hear celebrities, government officials, and even young children all apologizing for things that are absurd and beyond their control. I had just met a new colleague at work, and not five minutes into the conversation, the apologies came pouring out. This is a habit that many people have acquired, myself included at times, and we have no reason to be apologizing. One should never have to apologize for expressing themselves.

A bit of southern wisdom goes: “Never apologize for showing your feelings. When you do, you are apologizing for the truth.”

But not all apologies come from a lack of confidence.

Some are necessary to make amends. In a situation where we have truly wronged another person, then action is required.

Looks like simply saying sorry doesn’t fix everything after all.

(I’m guessing you’ve figured that one out.) If you want people to truly forgive you, you have to apologize with both words and actions. So how can you make the apology equation work for you? Here’s my guide: Own Up. “First, acknowledge that this is your fault,” says relationship counselor Karen Sherman, Ph.D. Instead of blaming the situation on other factors, take responsibility for your actions.

Make Amends. Now it’s time to apologize. “Tell them that you’re sorry, and that you

realize how this has effected them negatively.” By acknowledging the repercussions of your actions, you’re showing that you take ownership of the issue and that you actually care about how the person you offended feels.

Fix Your Mistake. Your last move: Physically make up for the mistake. That way, your apology has both parts: words and actions. Would “sorry” have made any difference?

Does it ever? It’s just a word.

One word against a thousand actions.

As I hear more and more people becoming constant apologizers, I often wonder, “Are we ruining our apologies with excuses?” It is never easy to apologize, but when has anything that is easy been worth it? When we rise above the petty constant apologizing, and focus on really finding meaning in asking forgiveness, our apologies carry power.

Redemption is not always readily granted, but when a strong man rises to the occasion, it helps to make it a guarantee.

On a final note, apologies are a two-way road. Always remember, “In this life, when you deny someone an apology, you will remember it at a time you beg forgiveness.” What goes around comes around, and if you have been throwing all of your apologies to the wind they will come back to hit you rather than be received by whom they are intended for.

And in my experience a slap in the face does. Q Have a question for Mr. Manners? Email askmrmanners@qsaltlake.com

may, 2014 | issue 231

PUZZLES | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 59

q scopes

By Sam Kelley-Mills

if revealed to a loved one.

ARIES March 20–April 19 Change has always been cleansing to you, and this is a great time to refresh and renew.

Time alone will do you good, but make time for those who make you laugh. A big surprise could come in the form of an explosive force. Enjoy letting go of some tension.

LIBRA Sept 23–October 22 A flash of inspiration strikes this month. Your artistic medium of choice is your mind, and speech is your canvas. Share ideas with others. A family member who rarely speaks to you may make an appearance. Don’t let the lost time be a burden. It’s time for bonding again.

TAURUS Apr 20–May 20 The time for sleep will elude you this month. With a calendar filled to the brim, you may find life overwhelming. Mix a little fun into your obligatory activities to keep spirits high. A relationship or close friendship will expand your vision of the world if you take time to look.

SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21 A sense of confusion has been a recurring theme lately. Take a deep breath and clear your head.

Don’t worry about being right all the time, but put your focus on what is right for you. Make love to a lover or share a good romp with a friend. You shouldn’t be alone.

GEMINI May 21–June 20 Blow off some steam by jumping into an amazing project. A short trip or adventure will be very desirable. Don’t sweat the small stuff and embrace challenging people. Networking will get you what you are looking for, though be prepared for some added responsibilities.

CANCER June 21–July 22 When you spill the milk, don’t cry; find some cream instead! The loss of something plain leads to something better. Love is always abundant and your popularity will ensure a good time this month.

Keep your chin up, Cancer. Things are about to get very interesting.

LEO July 23–August 22 Stop stressing about things you can’t control. Don’t fear the self-expression of others and express your own creative inclinations.

It’s not the end of a project that matters, but the process that counts.

Career choices leaves you wondering whether your head or heart will prevail.

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22 You’ve been questioning your path. Now is the time to try something new! A difference of opinion with a friend will challenge your perceptions. A neat discovery sets your imagination into motion.

Information is bound to cause a mess

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22– December 20.

Your family life is currently incompatible with your career, or so it seems. Find a balance by getting your priorities straight. The inclination to fight will lead to some passionate times. Channel this passion into positive goals and desirable results will follow.

CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19 Falling off the wagon is never fun, so hold on tight. Keep fiscal responsibility in mind and save your resources for something truly desired. A sleepy period has crept upon you, but a spicy time is right around the corner. Get some rest and be ready for when things heat up.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18 Questions are bound to be plentiful while seeking for better understanding of a perplexing person. A dynamic with a co-worker or friend doesn’t go smoothly; it’s time make things creamier. You may be more alike than you think. Good times will come in the form of a social affair.

PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19 Express yourself and enjoy expressions from others.

Resist the need to issue decrees to friends. Experience simple pleasures, like listening to music or reading a book. Inspiration for you own work will be found. An authority figure will offer resistance; be aware. Q

Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku is actually five separate, but connected, Sudoku puzzles.

Q doku

Level: Easy Easy

6

3 5 8 8 6 4 3 9 5 7

1

3

2 7

3

2

2 7 4 8 1 3 1 1 6 4 9 6 8 8 4 2 6 1 4 3 4 1 2 5 3 3 5 2 2 5 6 7 7 4 6 2 5 6 4 1 5 8 6 7 4 4 1 8 5 7 8 3

5

3 9 6

5 3

9 7 6

8

4 1

7 4 8 9 6 3 5 7

2 4 7 4 5 1 1 9 3 8 6 5 6 4 3 1 3 2 8 6 9 2 3 7 4 2 5

3 7

5

3

7

2

6 8

9

6 9

3

2 9 3 1 5 8 6 1 9 3 3 5

60 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | PETS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

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64 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | final word

gaysaltlake.com | issue 231 | may, 2014

the perils of petunia pap smear

The tale of the water buffalo

by Petunia Pap Smear

The road

to sheet cake and frappe is fraught with danger and excitement.

With all the talk and drama over same-sex weddings in the news, I was overjoyed last week to watch the wedding of Will and Sonny on Days Of Our Lives.

Yes, I am coming out of the closet as a soap opera queen. Deal with it! It was possibly the best TV wedding that I have ever seen. It made me dream that all weddings would be so beautiful and loving. It also caused me to remember a few weddings that I attended in my past with less than fond memories. Any of you who have experienced firsthand the sugar-coated agony of a Mormon wedding reception might be able to identify with the following story.

When I was 27 years old, still deeply in the closet and still a virgin, one of my younger siblings got married. Sadly, I had the misfortune of standing in the reception line. I’m sure that the BYU Law School graduate lawyer, who wrote the infamous memo justifying and sanctioning torture for U.S. prisoners of war, must have used his experience at wedding receptions as the major reference point. As you may know, an “eligible” re-

puzzle solutions

turned missionary at a Mormon wedding reception is similar to being a wounded water buffalo at the lions watering hole. Or more descriptively, a clueless drag queen with a broken heel, standing in front of the Estee Lauder counter at the beginning of a 75 percent-off sale. Darwin was right. Life really is survival of the fittest. Or in our case, survival of the biggest hair.

I could tell that it was going to be a very long, horrible, terrible, no good, very bad night for me when the first person in line started with “When is it going to be your turn?” Over the next three hours at least 80 percent of the people began with that very same line when they spoke to me. You would have thought the whole town got together and rehearsed their lines. Since I had not yet come out of the closet, and my queenly defenses had yet to be activated, and I had yet to learn that Lee Presson Nails can be used effectively as a weapon. I pasted a smile on my face and deflected as best I could, mumbling something about taking time to find the right one.

One year later, another younger sibling got married.

Determined not to have a repeat performance of the “When is

Cryptogram: You gotta find what happiness is and what it means for you.

6 5 8 7 2 4 1 3 9 4 6 2 1 3 5 9 7 8

1 4 9 3 6 8 5 2 7 9 7 3 8 2 4 5 1 6

3 7 2 9 5 1 8 4 6 1 8 5 6 9 7 4 2 3

9 3 4 8 7 5 6 1 2 6 5 8 4 1 2 7 3 9

2 6 1 4 3 9 7 5 8 7 1 9 5 6 3 2 8 4

Anagram: MARK LAWRENCE

it your turn” interrogation, I prepared a lapel tag to wear at the reception that read, “Don’t Even Ask!” The presence of this tag made a world of difference.

When the unobservant person would pose “THE QUESTION” to me, I would gently direct their gaze to my sign and say: “And how old are you this year?” or “How much do you weigh?”. They quickly got the hint that is was none of their business and started talking about the weather or some other innocuous subject. On the whole, that reception was much more fun for me than the previous one had been.

Moving forward another year and the last of my younger siblings got married. Although I was still not publicly out of the closet, I had begun to circulate within the gay community and Petunia had donned her first tiara. I felt much more confidant in defending myself from the inevitable onslaught. I had begun to realize the defensive power of a sarcastic quip and that a deftly swung sequin purse can be deadlier than a pair of num-chucks. This time, I prepared another lapel tag that read, “WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER!” It was very comical as I watched the same group of people make a bee-line for me, with the obvious intent of grilling me about my prolonged bachelorhood. When they got close enough to read my lapel tag, they were totally at a loss for words. Some of them actually sputtered. It was as if someone had handed them a whole new script for a play they had not rehearsed. This time I

was actually having fun, and I was able to spend the majority of that reception, undisturbed, having my fill of sheet cake and frappe.

Many of you may know, that last December, after being a couple for 24 years, Mr. Pap Smear and I waited in line at the County Clerks Office for 7 hours before joining the other 1300 couples to be legally married during those glorious 17 days when same-sex marriage was legal in Utah. Since Governor Herbert doesn’t like or recognize my marriage, I have decided to have a same-sex wedding reception event every month at Third Friday Bingo.

I have decided to search the audience for the cutest hunk I can see and conscript him to be my new temporary surrogate husband of the month, and pose for a “Wedding Picture” with me. I plan on continuing this practice until the governor sees one of my “wedding photos” that he likes and can approve of.

As always, these events leave us with several burning eternal questions: 1. Is it even possible to have a fond memory of a wedding reception?

2. Just how closely do I resemble a water buffalo?

3. If we subjected Vladimir Putin to a Mormon wedding reception, would he quickly give back Crimea?

4. Does self assuredness come automatically with wearing a tiara?

5. Will my conscripting temporary surrogate husbands at Third Friday Bingo scare away audience members?

6. With Utah’s polygamous history, do you think that I could keep all the temporary surrogate husbands and make them part of a Pap Smear harem?

These and other important questions to be answered in future chapters of: The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear. Q

7 8 5 6 1 2 4 9 3 2 3 4 9 7 8 1 6 5

5 9 7 3 8 1 6 4 2 7 8 9 5 1 3 2 8 6 9 7 4

3 4 1 2 5 6 8 9 7 5 1 3 4 2 6 5 9 7 3 8 1

8 2 6 7 4 9 3 5 1 6 2 4 8 9 7 1 4 3 2 6 5

9 6 8 2 4 7 3 5 1

1 3 4 9 5 6 2 7 8

7 2 5 1 3 8 9 6 4

3 9 2 8 5 1 4 7 6 3 9 5 1 8 2 5 9 7 6 4 3

6 8 4 9 7 2 5 1 3 8 6 2 7 4 9 1 6 3 5 8 2

5 1 7 3 6 4 2 8 9 4 7 1 6 3 5 8 4 2 7 9 1

8 1 3 6 2 9 4 7 5 4 3 8 6 9 7 1 5 2

5 2 6 4 7 1 8 3 9 1 5 9 2 4 3 8 6 7

9 7 4 3 8 5 1 2 6 2 7 6 5 1 8 9 3 4

4 5 1 2 3 8 9 6 7 9 4 3 7 8 5 6 2 1

2 9 8 7 5 6 3 1 4 7 6 5 1 2 9 3 4 8

3 6 7 9 1 4 2 5 8 8 2 1 4 3 6 7 9 5

SEX | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 65

may, 2014 | issue 231 | gaysaltlake.com

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