QSaltLake March 2015 - Spring Arts Guide

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SAM BUSH

FEBRUARY 28, 2015 “One of the greatest and most innovative mandolin players alive,” American Songwriter, this pioneer of the newgrass revival captivates his audiences with string-pickin’ virtuosity and Grammy-winning vocals (he also happens to be a three-time national junior fiddle champion).

While his music may be rooted in bluegrass, the “King of Telluride” also ventures into jazz, rock, blues, funk and beyond.

SPONSORED BY

Shari Gottlieb & Greg Golding

L.A. THEATRE WORKS IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT MARCH 7, 2015

Set in 1960s Alabama, the play features a small town cop forced to confront his bigotry when an African American police detective arrives to investigate a murder. This was the era of sit-ins and tear gas, of marches and assassinations. This was the era of Martin Luther King Jr., the Kennedys, and LBJ. L.A. Theatre Works delivers this still-relevant message and poignant questions through the spontaneous and unique medium of radio theater.

SPONSORED BY

Beano Solomon

SUZANNE VEGA

MARCH 21, 2015

In the ’80s, Vega paved the way for an entire generation of female singer-songwriters and the folk-pop revival that hit its stride in the ’90s. Though perhaps best known for her smash hits “Luka” and “Tom’s Diner” (which was remixed and pumped through clubs for years), the gifted Vega continues to reinvent what it means to be an American folk singer.

SPONSORED BY

Suzanne Harris Cooper and Craig Cooper Mairi Leining

Shows start at 7:30pm · Tickets from $20 · Box Office 435-655-3114 · ecclescenter.org 1750 Kearns Boulevard, Park City

The 2014-2015 Eccles Center Main Stage Season is a Program of Park City Institute - A Nonprofit Organization

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Saturday, April 17th 8pm to Midnight

Thank You to Our Generous Sponsor:

Tickets on Sale @ Utah Pride Center or at UtahPrideCenter.org $5 in advance For LGBTQ and Ally Youth $10 at the door Ages 14-20 Art By: Ella Deiss

On Facebook - utahprideyac

UtahPrideCenter.org

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march 2015 | issue 241 | gaysaltlake.com

QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 7

staffbox publisher/editor Michael Aaron

copy editor Tony Hobday designer Christian Allred sales Seven Gardner, Craig Ogan, Shelley Stewart

contributors Chris Azzopardi, Lynn Beltran, Paul Berge, We Know a Quicker Way Home • We Know a Quicker Way Home • We Know a Quicker Way Home • We Know a Quicker Way Home • We Know a Quicker W Dave Brousseau, Jack Fertig, Greg Fox, Charles Lynn Frost, Bob Henline, Tony Hobday, Christopher Katis, Rock Magen, Sam Mills, Mikey Rox, Gregg Shapiro, Petunia Pap Smear, Steven Petrow, Ed Sikov, Peter Stoker, Ben ­Williams, D’Anne ­Witkowski distribution Steven Ball, Michael Hamblin,

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QSaltLake Magazine is a trademark of Salt Lick Publishing, LLC. Copyright © 2015, Salt Lick Publishing, LLC. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted or reproduced without written permission from the publisher. 15,000 copies of QSaltLake Magazine are distributed free of charge at over 300 locations across the Wasatch Front. Free copies are limited to one per person. For additional copies, contact us at 801-649-6663. It is a crime to destroy or dispose of current issues or otherwise interfere with the distribution of this newsmagazine. Publication of the name or photograph of any individual or organization in articles or advertising in QSaltLake Magazine is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons. Printed in the USA on recycled paper. Please recycle this copy when you are through with it.

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Oregon’s Kate Brown set to become first openly bisexual governor Democrat Kate Brown is next in line for the governorship of Oregon, as current Gov. John Kitzhaber is resigning in response to a scandal involving his wife.

Brown has served as Oregon’s Secretary of State since 2008 (Oregon has no lieutenant governor position), and is set to become Oregon’s 38th governor on Feb. 18.

Brown, 54, was born in Spain and raised up in Minnesota. She now lives in Portland with her husband Dan. She is also openly bisexual and was the first statewide officeholder in the nation to come out with this identity.

Her sexuality has never been a prominent issue in Oregon, where from 2009 to 2012 Portland’s mayor Sam Adams was openly gay and the current speaker of the House, Tina Kotek, is a lesbian.

Wyoming Senate passes LGBT nondiscrimination bill The Wyoming Senate overwhelmingly passed a nondiscrimination bill that protects LGBT people Tuesday and sent the bill to the House.

The bill, sponsored by Sen. Chris Rothfuss, D-Laramie, would add prohibitions against discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity to a range of state laws that now prohibit discrimination based on other factors including race, age, disability and political affiliation. It passed with a vote of 24–6. In 2013, the bill never reached the floor of either house after passing through committee.

The bill has exemptions for religious organizations.

Supporters of the bill say some gay and transgender Wyomingites have experienced discrimination, including being fired or physically assaulted.

Bill opponent Sen. Curt Meier, RLaGrange, said on the Senate floor that he regarded the bill as a problem looking for a solution when one already exists in federal anti-discrimination laws. He also introduced an amendment that would have provided an additional exemption for businesses with fewer than 15 employees.

That amendment failed.

“This is a feel-good bill, ‘I’m OK, you’re OK,’” Meier said.

The bill received support across party lines. Former Senate president Sen. Hank Coe, R-Cody, said, “Times have changed.

It’s 2015. We need to step up and we need to pass this bill.”

news The top things you should know happened last month (Full stories at gaysaltlake.com.)

Bill supporters praised the senators and wiped tears of happiness from their eyes after the vote.

“These are smart men,” said Jeran Artery, chairman of Wyoming Equality. “These are businessmen, and they get it.”

The bill now awaits approval in Wyoming’s House of Representatives.

Idaho ‘Add the Words’ bill fails in committee Days after the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints held a news conference saying it favors nondiscrimination laws, the Idaho House State Affairs Committee voted 13-4 Thursday morning to defeat a bill that would have added the words “sexual orientation” and “gender identity” to the state’s Human Rights Act. The vote fell along party lines.

Rep. Ken Andrus, R-Lava Hot Springs, made the successful motion to block the bill.

“We have come a long way. I think this very hearing has brought us a long, long way,” Andrus told tearful supporters of the bill gathered at the Capitol. “Do not despair.

Your concerns are legitimate, very legitimate, and people in Idaho and in the Legislature have heard you and are hearing you.”

But, he added, “We have to be very careful how we make those rules and today my feeling is that this is not the rule that addresses the whole picture.”

The vote came after 21 hours of testimony, which began on Monday.

“I know what it’s like to walk in fear and uncertainty,” bill sponsor Sen. Cherie Buckner-Webb, D-Boise, said. “I know what it’s like to face the fear of being treated with disdain and to be diminished.

I know the energy it takes to constantly

be on guard. I stand before you today compelled to call out for the right that some in their privilege continue to take for granted.”

State Affairs Committee Chairman Tom Loertscher, R-Iona, said cruelty has no place in society, but as an overweight man for most of his life he understood living with discrimination, but he could not support the legislation as written.

“I am calling on people everywhere to get over themselves and to get past it,” he said.

Alabama justice vows to defy U.S. Supreme Court if it backs gay marriage Alabama’s Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore said that if the U.S. Supreme Court decides that same-sex couples have a constitutional right to marry, he would defy the ruling because it would alter God’s “organic law.”

Under Moore’s urging, many Alabama counties defied both a federal judge’s ruling throwing out the state’s gay marriage ban and the U.S. Supreme Court’s refusal to delay the beginning of same-sex marriages Feb. 9.

The U.S. Supreme Court will hear April arguments on whether state gay marriage bans violate the Constitution’s guarantee of equal treatment under the law. A ruling is expected in June.

“This power over marriage, which came from God under our organic law, is not to be redefined by the United States Supreme Court or any federal court,” Moore said.

Six trans* murders in first six weeks of 2015 Bri Golec, a 22-year-old who friends say identified as a trans woman, was allegedly stabbed to death by their father, who claimed to authorities that the murder was performed by a ‘cult.’

Police detained Kevin Golec, 52, shortly after responding to several calls he made to 911 alleging that several members of a “cult” had broken into his house to commit robbery and had attacked both him and Bri Golec. With no evidence of a robbery, however, police determined that Golec was lying and that it was he who had had an altercation with and fatally stabbed his child.

There is controversy whether Bri, who is on Facebook as Brian, identified as trans*.

If so, this would be the sixth murder of a trans* woman in the first six weeks of 2015. Q

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Utah Pride Festival announces theme, changes for 2015 Utah Pride Festival leaders announced the theme for the 2015 festival: “Pride is ____.”

“With all that has happened in the last year and all that still remains to be done, we know that Pride means many things to many people,” said Jen Parsons-Soran, co-director of the festival. “It can be about fun, love, rainbows and so many other things. We want to celebrate and embrace that diversity, because it is a huge part of what makes the Utah Pride Festival such a great event.”

The Utah Pride Festival steering committee chooses a theme each year based on community suggestions, relevant current events and what most resonates with what the Utah Pride Festival wants to bring to the community.

The 2015 Utah Pride Festival will be held Thursday, June 4 through Sunday, June 7 primarily at Washington and Library Squares in downtown Salt Lake City. The Interfaith Service, on June 4, will be held at Community of Christ Church, with the Utah Pride Parade happening the morning of Sunday, June 7.

The Festival is the second-largest outdoor festival in Salt Lake City, with nearly 35,000 attendees, 896 volunteers covering 1,400 shifts, 230 vendor booths and 16 food vendors. Over 10,000 people participated

SCHEDULE (subject to change) THURSDAY, JUNE 4 7pm Utah Pride Interfaith Service FRIDAY, JUNE 5 6:30pm Grand Marshal Reception 8pm Dyke, Trans* and Bi Rallies and Marches 9pm Kick-off Party and Opening Ceremonies

143 parade entries in the 2014 Utah Pride Parade, with 25,000 spectators, according to Salt Lake City Police Department estimates.

The first Utah Pride was loosely organized by Joe Redburn and the staff of the Sun Tavern in 1974 at City Creek Park.

The plans for the 2015 festival include changes to the schedule and a massive revamping of the festival grounds. The new schedule of events includes moving the rallies and marches to Friday night along with a kick-off party and opening ceremonies to follow the Grand Marshal Reception, and holding the Pride Day 5K Fun Run on the parade route on Sunday morning. A new “East Village” will utilize

Festival zones: SAGE ZONE SAGE Utah is for everyone.

We are focusing on awareness, growth and meeting the needs of all elder queers within the state. Embrace the SAGE within, become involved, connect, learn, laugh, create meaning and most importantly, share what only YOU have to give to others.

YOUTH ZONE This safe space is for youth 21 and under. Meet other queer youth and learn more about Utah Pride’s youth drop in center and other youth oriented programming.

SATURDAY, JUNE 6 3pm Festival Gates Open 3-6pm Family Hours 7:30pm Headliner (to be announced) 9pm Dance Party 11pm Festival Gates Close

GENDER ZONE Celebrate the “T” in our community. Meet new friends, learn about local resources and discover the support groups and services available for children, youth, adults and families from Utah Pride’s Transgender Program.

SUNDAY, JUNE 7 9am Pride Day 5K Fun Run 10am Utah Pride Parade 11am Festival Gates Open 12pm Entertainment Begins 7pm Festival Gates Close

HEALTH ZONE The Festival happens just once a year, but the knowledge you’ll gain about your health will last a lifetime!

Visit our Health & Wellness

more space on Library Square including a stage, the art zone and kid’s area.

Leadership positions are being interviewed the next two weeks. Applications are on their web site.

Applications are also live for vendors, parade entries, performers, runners, sponsors, and volunteers. Visit UtahPrideFestival.org for more information and to sign up. Q

Zone for fun, interactive booths featuring information and programs that will keep you healthy, happy, safe and satisfied. Your body, your health!

PET ZONE Drop by with your dog for a wade in the pool, a bowl of water or a treat. Please remember that all dogs must be leashed and if your dog poops, you scoop, because pet waste can transmit disease.

BINGO & GAMES ZONE Stop by for Bingo and a variety of other games and activities!

KARAOKE ZONE Grab the microphone, put on your blue suede shoes and strike a pose–it’s time for karaoke! Even if you’re a little bit shy, have a seat and cheer on these must-see performances.

HISTORY ZONE The History Zone premiered in 2011 with “Windows To The Past,” highlighting the LGBTQ history of the United States and Utah from the 1700’s through the 1940’s and 2012 featured the 1950s. This year’s exhibit will explore 1965.

ART ZONE Enjoy seeing emerging local artists at the Art Zone.

Local artists are given the chance to exhibit their art each year within this zone, giving the individuals a chance to share their craft in a supportive and appreciative environment.

GRASS ROOTS ZONE Always wanting to support our emerging organizations, the Grass Roots Zone highlights new local groups with a cause. Drop by and learn about various organizations and see what’s growing.

KIDS ZONE Bounce rooms, activities and treats are available for kiddies 12 and under.

Located Southwest of City Hall you will find this area where only children and their parents are allowed for a safe and fun family environment.

FAMILY ZONE This zone is a highlight of support groups for families.

If you are seeking to meet others like yourself who appreciate and value all different kinds of families, this is your home away from home.

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Derek Kitchen announces bid for Salt Lake City Council The namesake for Kitchen v. Herbert announced his candidacy for the Salt Lake City Council District 4 at Caputo’s Market in downtown Salt Lake City.

Saying he was raised in South Jordan, Utah, Kitchen has lived in downtown Salt Lake since 2006. He and his partner, Moudi Sbeity, started Laziz Foods at the Downtown Farmers Market in 2012, selling Middle Eastern spreads. In 2013, the couple signed on as plaintiffs with Restore Our Humanity in federal court to challenge Utah’s Amendment 3 and other laws that barred same-sex marriage.

“Being both a resident and a business owner in District 4, I have a unique and

Biskupski announces mayoral bid Former Utah state legislator Jackie Biskupski, announced her bid for Salt Lake City Mayor, calling for a stronger effort to support the city’s education system, improve air quality, increase support of the small business community and a commitment to fairness and equality for all.

“I am running for Salt Lake City Mayor because, as a single mother raising a young son, I look around the city and wonder if we are creating an environment of opportunity and the culture of progress that my son and his generation deserve,” she said in a statement. “As mayor, I will not stand idly by while a generation of Salt Lake City school children lose out on educational opportunity. As mayor, I will bring renewed intensity to build a sustainable economy and help our local businesses succeed. I will also commit to improving our air quality by bringing to Salt Lake City affordable housing and increased employment opportunities along our public transit lines, making it enjoyable for our young families to live and work in our community. And, as Mayor, I will never grow complacent in the struggle for full equality.”

Biskupski was the first openly lesbian member of the Utah House of Representatives, serving from 1999 to 2011. She is a mother to her son Archie and currently serves as a project manager for Salt Lake County Sheriff Jim Winder.

Her announcement will take place on the east stairs of the Salt Lake City-County Building on Saturday at 11 a.m. Following the announcement, she and her supporters will proceed to the Utah State Capitol for the Clean Air Rally.

Current Salt Lake City Mayor Ralph Becker and Salt Lake City Councilman Luke Garrott have announced their intentions to run for the office, meaning a primary election will now take place in the nonpartisan race. Q

valuable understanding of our neighborhood,” Kitchen said at a press conference announcing his candidacy. “My involvement in this landmark [Kitchen v. Herbert] litigation allowed me to become an advocate for equality and fairness in our city and state, for which I am very grateful.”

“As a progressive business leader in District 4, I have focused on creating an environmentally and financially sustainable business,” Kitchen continued. “Laziz operates out of a solar-powered production kitchen and has been recognized as a Zero Waste business by the Utah Recycling Alliance for diverting more than 90% of our waste from the landfill.”

“As a resident of Downtown, I know firsthand the important issues facing our neighborhood, whether it’s helping our homeless neighbors, working to eliminate drug trafficking or focusing on community and economic development in our growing city. Our population is expected to nearly double in the next 35 years. District 4 needs a progressive and creative decision maker to advocate for smart planning to handle increased density, air quality, transportation and education for our residents.

Choices that are made today will determine the quality and character of our city for years to come,” he said.

“As a city councilman, I will work to be a bridge-builder for city government with developers, business leaders and community members. I will also be a strong voice for increasing livability and downtown vibrancy through bringing new residents and businesses, while promoting affordable housing and an improved public transportation network throughout the city. I will be an active and energetic voice for District 4 to help Salt Lake become a lean, green, and vibrant city,” he concluded.

Kitchen was introduced by Caputo’s Market CEO Matt Caputo and Salt Lake County District Attorney Sim Gill, who said Kitchen was his first political endorsement in his career.

So far, Kitchen will be up against one other candidate — Salt Lake County Hispanic Democratic Caucus Chair Nate Salazar. District 4 roughly covers from South Temple to Ninth South, I-15 to 13th East. Q

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LDS Church calls for nondiscrimination and religious freedom laws

BY MICHAEL AARON

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints held a rare news conference to address nondiscrimination laws that protect lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people, as well as so-called religious freedom legislation that protects churches and religious people in a war between cultures.

The church broadened their 2009 support for the Salt Lake City nondiscrimina-

tion ordinance Tuesday by saying it would support such ordinances throughout Utah and the nation as long as there was a balanced approach to protect constitutional religious exercise and conscience.

“Today, state legislatures across the nation are being asked to strengthen laws related to LGBT issues in the interest of ensuring fair access to housing and employment,” said Elder Dallin H. Oaks, member of the church’s Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. “The leadership of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is on record as favoring such measures. At the same time, we urgently need laws that protect religions against discrimination and retaliation while claiming the core rights of free expression and religious practice that are at the heart of our identity as a nation and our legacy as citizens.”

The leaders emphasized that those on both sides of LGBT issues must accommodate the views of the other side.

“Rights are best guarded,” Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, “when each person and group guards for others those rights they wish guarded for themselves.”

Oaks called boycotts and other actions

taken when individuals speak out against LGBT rights wrong.

“When religious people are publicly intimidated, retaliated against, forced from employment or made to suffer personal loss because they have raised their voice in the public square, donated to a cause or participated in an election, our democracy is the loser,” Oaks said. “Such tactics are every bit as wrong as denying access to employment, housing or public services because of race or gender.”

Oaks put forward four principles for religious freedom and discrimination: We claim for everyone the God-given and Constitutional right to live their faith according to the dictates of their own conscience, without harming the health or safety of others.

We acknowledge that the same freedom of conscience must apply to men and women everywhere to follow the religious faith of

their choice, or none at all if they so choose.

We believe laws ought to be framed to achieve a balance in protecting the freedoms of all people while respecting those with differing values.

We reject persecution and retaliation of any kind, including persecution based on race, ethnicity, religious belief, economic circumstances or differences in gender or sexual orientation.”

Oaks mentioned three specific examples that the church believes were religious discrimination: Houston subpoenaing sermon notes last year from pastors who opposed an equal rights ordination. The subpoena was later dropped. Conservatives claimed that lesbian mayor Annise Parker initiated the subpoenas, which she denies.

Public pressure on Mormon gymnast Peter Vidmar to resign as liaison between the U.S. Olympic team and the International Olympic Committee in 2011 because he had supported California’s Proposition 8, which banned gay marriage in 2008.

The 2014 resignation of Mozilla CEO Brendan Eich, who came under fire because he had donated money to support the passage of Prop 8. He was CEO for 11 days.

“It is one of today’s great ironies that some people who have fought so hard for LGBT rights now try to deny the rights of others to disagree with their public policy proposals,” said Oaks. Q

Utahns overwhelmingly favor nondiscrimination legislation protecting LGBT citizens After leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints held a rare press conference where they said they support nondiscrimination legislation aimed at protecting lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans* people in housing and employment, a new poll conducted for Utah Policy shows overwhelming support for a statewide law.

Conducted by Dan Jones & Associates, the poll shows that 78 percent of the 606 Utahns surveyed support a statewide law banning employment and housing discrimination based on sexual orientation — 59 percent strongly and 19 percent somewhat.

Only 19 percent oppose such a law — 12 percent strongly and 7 percent somewhat.

Four percent declined an answer. The poll has a margin of error of +/-3.98 percent.

A Utah Policy poll conducted in October, 2014, showed support of 65 percent.

Utah Policy found support among those

who considered themselves “very active” Mormons rose from 58 to 78 percent since the October poll. “Somehwat active” Mormon support rose from 56 to 82 percent.

A similar shift occurred among those who consider themselves Republican, from 54 to 76 percent in favor of such legislation. “[A] 15-to-20-point swing in a public issue in just over three months is huge, and the LDS Church leaders’ January statements on the gay anti-discrimination issue clearly had an impact,” said Utah Policy contributing editor Bob Bernick. Q

Do you support or oppose a statewide law banning employment and housing discrimination based on sexual orientation?

STRONGLY

SUPPORT

SOURCE: UTAH POLICY/DAN JONES & ASSOC. FEB 2-9, 2015. 606 VOTERS. MARGIN OF ERROR ±3.98%

SOMEWHAT

DON’T KNOW

SOMEWHAT STRONGLY OPPOSE QSALTLAKE GRAPHIC

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Utah faith leaders show support for nondiscrimination bill A coalition of diverse faith leaders gathered in February at the Utah State Capitol to share their support for the passage of Senate Bill 100 — a nondiscrimination bill that includes protections for LGBT people.

“The recent statement from Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints regarding anti-discrimination laws that include the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community coupled alongside religious liberty have generated relevant discussions,” Equality Utah Executive Director Troy Williams said in a statement. “Faith leaders throughout the valley will join their voices to the conversation.”

“We have an amazing history of tolerance for differing beliefs and ideas standing together as one nation,” said Rev. Curtis Price from the First Baptist Church of Salt Lake City. “I would love to open up a dialogue Rev. Curtis Price with the LDS Church about how we, as people of faith, can secure the rights of every citizen and still be faithful to our convictions.”

Rabbi Illana Schwartzman from Congregation Kol Ami also shared her support for SB100.

“It is in the best interest of religious and secular society if individuals are allowed to live and work without the fear of discrimination. We all benefit when we stand together to proclaim more not less love,”

Schwartzman said.

Doree Burt from Mormons Building Bridges addressed the intersection of gay and transgender Mormons.

“Many have a foot in both camps. In the case of religious exemptions, the person who is denied a service or an insurance benefit may share the very faith that the merchant or employer is using as an excuse to exclude her,” Burt said.

Sen. Steven Urquhart is sponsoring SB100 for a second consecutive year. The bill provides exemptions for religious institutions and their businesses. This marks the seventh year Equality Utah has worked to pass this kind of statewide legislation protecting all Utahns’ rights to work and live in Utah.

Religious leaders who are in support of the legislation are from Presbyterian, American Baptist, Lutheran, Methodist, United Church of Christ, Episcopal, Unitarian Universalist, Old Catholic, and Zen Buddhist faiths.

Their letter is available at gaysaltlake. com. Q

Dabakis releases public accommodations anti-bias bill Openly gay Utah Sen. James Dabakis (DSalt Lake City) has sponsored a very simple bill that would add the words “sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression” to Utah’s existing public accommodations nondiscrimination act that currently protects race, color, sex, religion, ancestry and national origin.

Senate Bill 99 was introduced with a zero-dollar fiscal note. It will now go to the Senate Rules Committee, on which Dabakis sits.

Not all bills waiting in the rules committee are necessarily heard. Last year, as Utah’s Kitchen v. Herbert was making its way through the court system, all bills related to sexual orientation and gender identity were tabled.

Members of the Senate Rules Committee are Chair Kevin T. Van Tassell (R-Vernal), Vice Chair Todd Weiler (R-Bountiful), Peter C. Knudson (R-Brigham City), Mark B. Madsen (R-Saratoga Springs), Karen Mayne (D-West Valley City), Jim Dabakis (D-Salt Lake City), Deidre M. Henderson (R-Spanish Fork), David P. Hinkins (R-Orangeville), and Stephen H. Urquhart

(R-St. George).

Sen. Urquhart has sponsored Senate Bill 100, which adds gender identity and sexual orientation to Utah’s employment Anti-discrimination Act and the Utah Fair Housing Act. Neither bill yet has a House sponsor, nor have they been heard by committee.

Republican leaders, however, are vocal in their belief that a nondiscrimination bill coupled with a religious freedoms bill would pass through the legislative session this year. Some are calling for an omnibus bill to include religious freedoms and protection from discrimination in housing and employment.

A bill such as Dabakis’ is considered a long shot, as companies across the nation are slapped with civil lawsuits when proprietors refuse service to same-sex weddings. This is also the first time a public accommodations bill has been brought to the legislature. Urquhart’s bill, and other renditions of it, have been introduced for many years. None has made it to the floor of either house. In 2014, GOP leaders tabled all bills relating to LGBT issues. Q

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Utah’s Amendment 3 author introduces anti-equality ‘religious liberty’ bill Rep. LaVar Christensen, R-Sandy, penned a bill that critics call reckless and dangerous.

The “Religious Liberty Recognition and Protection Act,” in short, allows anyone in the state to refuse services that go against a person’s religious beliefs. Christensen has close ties with the Utah Eagle Forum and Sutherland Institute — two of the most ultra-conservative groups in the state. He also authored Utah’s Amendment 3 which restricted marriage to only male-female couples. That amendment was struck down by U.S. District Judge Robert Shelby in December, 2013.

The broad-sweeping bill begins by amending the Utah Antidiscrimination Act, adding: “All individuals are entitled to fair access to employment opportunities in the state.

Such opportunities are vital to the health and well being of all people. The laws of the state shall be fairly applied in balanced recognition and protection of all affected interests and as provided in Title 63G, Chapter 19, Religious Liberty Recognition and Protection Act, including recognized principles of freedom of contract and employment-at-will considerations, when applicable.”

It also addresses housing: “All individuals are entitled to fair access to housing under this chapter. All protections and requirements shall be reasonably and fairly applied with the greatest sensitivity and balanced recognition of the liberties and rights of all individuals under the Utah Constitution, the United States Constitution, and Title 63G, Chapter 19, Religious Liberty Recognition and Protection Act.” The bill does not, however, add the terms “sexual orientation” or “gender identity,” as do other bills before the legislature.

The bill then goes on to create a new chapter in the Utah Code that deals specifically with religious liberty.

“The rights and protections of religious liberty afforded by this chapter are in furtherance of those provided under the constitutions of this state and the United States. As provided in the constitution of this state, perfect toleration of religious sentiment is guaranteed and rights of conscience shall never be infringed, and all

citizens of this state, both male and female, shall enjoy equally all civil, political, and religious rights and privileges. There is a substantial public and government interest in protecting order and morality.”

It goes on to say that no law, regulation or state action may “substantially burden a person’s religious liberty” unless the action is strictly necessary to protect the public health and safety. It states that “the exercise of religious liberty is ... a recognized exemption to otherwise generally applicable laws and a valid defense to claims of discrimination by others” and basis for recovery of attorney fees and costs for defense of their religious beliefs.

Several weeks ago, leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints called for the passage of nondiscrimination laws that would protect gays, lesbians, bisexuals and trans* people from discrimination in housing and employment. They also called on legislatures to pass religious protection laws.

Utah GOP leaders have publicly stated that a religious protections bill would not go through the legislative session without the passage of a nondiscrimination bill that included LGBT protections.

“It would polarize those two issues if we try to move one without the other,” said Senate Majority Leader Ralph Okerlund, R-Monroe.

Utah Sen. James Dabakis, D-Salt Lake City, says Christensen’s bill is “seriously flawed.”

“Serious people are now trying to find the language for a bill that will protect sacred First Amendment protections and make our state a national role model that does not tolerate discrimination in housing and employment. I remain optimistic that we will find a way,” Dabakis said in a statement.

Equality Utah, which was borne out of the fight against Christensen’s Amendment 3, called the bill extreme.

“LaVar Christensen has crafted extreme legislation that would use religion as a valid defense to any claim of discrimination by others. His proposed legislation would unravel our nation’s proud civil rights legacy — allowing any person to use faith as a protection from any claim of discrimination against gays, African-Amer-

icans, Jews, women, or any person that he believes is a sinner,” said EU executive director Troy Williams. “His bill would allow people to pick and choose what laws they want to follow. It is a gross distortion of both religion and freedom. We will send this legislation right back to the 1950s where it belongs.”

The Human Rights Campaign says that the bill is so broad and sweeping that “it threatens not just the LGBT community, but women, members of minority faiths and other minority classes.”

“This bill is reckless, it’s dangerous, and if passed it puts the state’s non-discrimination laws at risk of being undermined,” said Marty Rouse, HRC national field director. “After claiming that it is increasingly open to treating LGBT people equally, the LDS Church should disavow any connection to this racist, anti-Semitic, and anti-LGBT bill. Fair-minded Utahns should be outraged that something so extreme and blatantly harmful to countless people could be introduced in this great state.”

HRC leaders believe that Christensen’s bill is part of a coordinated effort to introduce such legislation all across the nation.

“Under many proposed bills, an evangelical police officer could feel empowered to refuse to patrol a Jewish street festival; a city clerk could shirk the law and refuse a marriage license to an interracial couple, a divorcee seeking to remarry, or a lesbian couple; an EMT could claim the law is on his side after refusing service to a dying transgender person in the street; and the enforcement of other key sections of civil rights law could be dramatically undermined,” an HRC statement read.

HRC released a report on these bills, titled “Chipping Away at Equality.” Q

march 2015 | issue 241 | gaysaltlake.com

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 15

Utah Pride Center building fund moves to public phase Having raised their first tier of donations through large contributors, the Utah Pride Center is now, finally, appealing to the general community to help it raise enough funds to expand the building with a coffee shop and finished multipurpose event and classroom area downstairs.

The construction, which

is planned to begin in April, will also include a new roof, restrooms and an elevator for ADA access.

“While the building is already ADA compliant,” interim operations director Sheila Raboy explains, “we thought it was important to make it more convenient to those who need it.”

The Center has been using

the second floor almost exclusively since it moved into the building. Former board chair John Netto solicted the help of many homeless people and friends to gut the lower level at his expense, but funding was not there to complete it.

New renderings by Luna Architects show a new facade, indoor and outdoor seating for a coffee shop, a glass wall to delineate the multi-purpose room, which has moveable curtains to seperate it into up to four seperate rooms.

“The designer at Luna specializes in low ceilings,” Raboy said, since the space was originally built as office space rather than event and cafe space.

Raboy also explained that much of the construction is for infrastructure, “the kind of stuff you don’t see, but must be done.”

The Center has received approval for a CDFA grant of $600,000. To qualify, the Center’s board had to “spin off” the building as its own seperate entity, with an agreement that it would lease the space to the Center as long as it is functioning.

Construction is expected to go through 2016.

Tax-deductible donations are being accepted by Raboy at sheila@utahpridecenter.org or 801-539-8800 ext. 110.

The Utah Pride Center is located at 255 East 400 South in downtown Salt Lake City. Q

16 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 241 | march 2015

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Utah Gov. Herbert would not marry same-sex couple if asked Asked at his monthl news conference, Utah Gov. Gary Herbert said he would not marry a same-sex couple because of personal beliefs.

Governors are on the list of those who can perform marriages in the state.

“I probably would respectfully decline,” he said after being asked if he’s ever performed a same-sex wedding. “It’s not something I would want to do.”

House Speaker Greg Hughes, R-Draper, however,

expressed surprise the he was on the list of those who can perform marriages.

“It’s actually news to me I could perform marriages!” he said. “Such authority I have.”

“You know what? I don’t have a problem with it,” he said after a pause.

There are bills before the legislature that would allow anyone with a religious objection to “respectfully decline,” even county clerks and their staff.

So. Utah equality event scheduled for May

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Equality Utah’s 5th annual Equality Celebration will take place May 9 in Kayenta, Utah, west of St. George.

Titled “Say Yes,” the event will feature award-winning poet Andrea Gibson, whose iconic poem “Say Yes” was read in lieu of morning prayer at the Utah State Legislature in 2010. “[The poem] is a valuable reminder of the importance of being true to one another,” said organizer Linda Stay in a statement.

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‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ premiere at two bars Both JAM and Club Try-Angles will be celebrating the opening of season 7 of RuPaul’s Drag Race on Monday, March 2 at

The event will include award recipients for support of the LGBT community in Southern Utah, a live auction and is a fundraiser for Equality Utah Foundation.

The group is currently seeking sponsors.

As part of the festivities, attendees will be offered a free disco cardio jam on Saturday morning at 10 by professional trainer Coach John Yohman, who was a trainer at the Biggest Loser Resort in Malibu.

7 p.m. Both have live performances along with the show on multiple big screens.

WHEN: March 2, 7pm WHERE: JAM, 751 N 300 W, Club Try-Angles, 251 W 900 S

First and Third Friday Bingos Two very different drag bingos are available in Salt Lake. First Friday is Rainbow Club at Club JAM, and Third Friday is at First Baptist Church. Yes, a Baptist Church. Try something new on a Friday night with bingo. It’s not just for grandma anymore.

Though, she’s welcome.

WHERE: First Friday at JAM at 751 N 300 W at 7:30pm, Third Friday at First Baptist, 777 S 1300 E at 7pm.

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 17

march 2015 | issue 241 | gaysaltlake.com

Park City High School opens ‘all-gender’ restrooms Park City High School senior Adam Snyder and the school’s Gay-Straight Alliance wanted to create a “safe and comfortable learning environment for all students.”

“I had been reading articles about how gender-neutral bathrooms had been implemented on college campuses and I thought it was definitely an issue that wasn’t just applicable to college students, but also at the high school level,” Snyder said to the Park City Record.

“Going to the bathroom can be a pretty traumatic and awful experience if you don’t feel like you can fit in with what’s already set up, so offering a gender-neutral restroom option is something that can definitely make the school environment more comfortable for a greater amount of students.”

So Snyder, a student council member, presented the concept to designate two single-stall restrooms as “all gender” to staff members of the Park City School District last fall. He also asked the school’s principal, Bob O’Connor.

“I didn’t see any harm in that,” O’Connor told Fox 13’s Todd Tanner, “It was a 10-dollar swap on the sign.”

A few years ago, O’Connor

was asked by a parent of a trans* student to create a safe space for her to use the restroom.

A new sign was posted outside two former faculty restrooms.

“It is important for there to be all-gender bathrooms because it’s important to offer a safe place for a person to go to the bathroom without having to worry about bullying or harassment. Transgendered teens face harsh judgment from their peers and going to the bathroom is a struggle that they have to face every day,” Tori Vipond, PCHS GSA president, told the Park Record.

Vipond, who identifies as gender-neutral, said that previously a trip to the restroom was “extremely anxiety-inducing.”

“It took a lot of courage for kids to come forward to request a gender-neutral bathroom,” O’Connor said.

The Park City high School Gay-Straight Alliance was nationally recognized last year by the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network for their work connecting LGBT youth throughout the state around the safe schools movement.

The club also engages an active network of Utah LGBT youth through social media. Q

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18 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

views

Utahns tak about the Mormon Church’s statement in favor of nondiscrimination bills, but coupled with religious freedom bills:

gaysaltlake.com | issue 241 | march 2015

“

Mormons have had a long history of being the victims of discrimination and persecution. They understand more than most the value and strength of creating a civil society that judges people by the content of their character and their ability to do a job.”

—Utah Sen. James Dabakis on the statement from LDS leaders in support of nondiscrimination bills

“

We believe that gay and transgender Utahns can live and work beside people of faith.

Many within the LGBT community are themselves people of faith. We look forward soon to the day when all Utahns have the opportunity to live and work freely in the state we call home.”

—Equality Utah Executive Director Troy Williams

“

I think this probably clarifies the issue a little bit to the point where it will start to bring some people together to look at melding the two issues so that we come up with something that works for everybody.”

—Utah Senate Majority Leader Ralph Okerlund, R-Monroe

“

No one should be discriminated against simply because of who they are, whether it’s having a decent place to live or a job to support themselves and their families or their religious beliefs.”

—Salt Lake County

“

Mayor Ben McAdams

Traditionalist theology says that gay people are uniquely and profoundly flawed in a way that makes them unsuited to romantic intimacy.”

—David Sinclair, Fordwords.net

“

Utah can address valid concerns of mistreatment in employment and housing and public services without contributing to an environment of intolerance toward people of faith and moral conscience.”

“

—Sutherland Institute statement

I will continue to help ensure that legislation designed to promote greater equality includes robust religious exemptions and nonretaliation provisions.”

—Sen. Orrin Hatch, R-Utah

letters Execrable comic Turning the page (literally) on a concise, informative indictment of TLC’s mean-spirited side-show My Husband’s Not Gay, brings a confounding (not to mention stale) cartoon disguising itself as comic social commentary about the show.

In fact, it gleefully splashes around in exactly the same “clogged toilet of American culture.” Its outdated cattiness casually ignores the article’s earnest call for compassion.

“Execrable” indeed.

And thank you for introducing me to my new favorite word.

DAN EVANS

ASSISTANT PROFESSOR, DEPT. OF ART & ART HISTORY, UNIVERSITY OF UTAH

QSaltLake Magazine welcomes your letters to the editor.

Email 300 words or less to letters@qsaltlake.com.

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 19

march 2015 | issue 241 | gaysaltlake.com

guest editorial

No one deserves discrimination

BY JOHN CURTIS Mayor of Provo, Utah

This is

a post I’ve been working on for months now. It’s been in my drafts folder waiting to be published. There are many reasons why I haven’t posted it yet, but I suppose mostly the timing hasn’t been right. After last weeks #fairness4all press conference from the LDS church about anti-discrimination laws I decided I wouldn’t wait any longer to add my voice to this critical conversation.

I worry that Every citizen of Provo — our kindness whether we is reserved realize it or not for people — associates with someone who look, who publicly act and or privately believe like identifies as LGBT. They we do. are our friends, our neighbors, our co-workers, our siblings, our children.

Even still, for most of my life I’ve made casual judgments about the LGBT community without the benefit of thoughtful consideration. I regret my uninformed judgment.

All major religions share the concept of compassion — doing to others what we would have them do to us. On its website Mormonsandgays.org, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints says “Jesus Christ commanded us to love our neighbors. Whether sinner or saint, rich or poor, stranger or friend, everyone in God’s small world is our neighbor, including our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. Latter-day Saints believe that our true commitment to Christian teachings is revealed by how we respond to this commandment.

Reiterated in the press conference, Elder Dallin H Oaks said, “…we should be persons of goodwill toward all, rejecting persecution of any kind, including persecution based on race, ethnicity, religious belief or nonbelief, and differences in sexual orientation.”

Like many of you my close circle includes those with gender attractions different than mine. I wasn’t prepared for this, I’ve had to rethink many things and I have had more questions than answers.

However, no matter where I turn or where I look I’ve had an overwhelming confirmation that we need to treat our gay friends, brothers, sisters, sons and daughters with dignity, love and respect. While this seems obvious to me, there are many places in our world, and places in the state of Utah (including Provo) where gay and lesbian people feel marginalized, shunned and severely judged. It pains me to watch my loved ones in a world that is so quick to judge them without knowing how how hard they try to be good people.

There is so much good in Provo, but sometimes I worry that our kindness is reserved for people who look, act and believe like we do. It is sobering to think that LGBT youth are at least three times more likely than heterosexual youth to attempt suicide, and our homeless youth have a disproportionate share of LGBT members. It is my hope that the city of Provo will foster an atmosphere in which every young person — gay or straight — feels that his or her life is highly valued. And, I have faith that our city can be exceptional in encouraging families to be safe places for their gay and lesbian children to stay in the home.

My message today is not about surrendering our positions or our values. Today, it’s not about legislation or governmental policy and it’s not about why some are gay and some are not. If we complicate how we treat others with a demand to first know the answers or have all the solutions we will fail. Instead I hope our compassion will be extended as we work together as a community to make our city a safe place for everyone — our kids, your friends, our neighbors, everyone. No one deserves discrimination, instead let us choose inclusion. Q John Curtis is the mayor of Provo City, Utah and posted this letter on his blog at provomayor.com. It is reprinted here with permission.

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20 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 241 | march 2015

subscribe to QSaltLake and never There’s miss an issue qmartstore.com

who’s your daddy?

Nifty 50

BY CHRISTOPHER KATIS

no easy way for me to say this, so I’m just going to bite the bullet and spit it out. The end of March is my birthday and (BIG DEEP BREATH) I’m turning 50! How the hell did that happen? Where did a half a freakin’ century go?

In general, our society puts a high value on youth, but a 50-year-old gay guy? Come on.

A 50-year-old gay married guy with kids? Jesus, I might as well be invisible. Needless to say, I’ve been spending a lot of time staring at my fuzzy navel — and I’m not talking about the girly cocktail my mom drinks.

I’ve been trying to come up with the perfect solution to my impending midlife crisis. Here’s what I’ve considered so far: Buy a sports car! Because of the fact I’m a father, and therefore haven’t seen disposable income of my own in over a decade, that one’s kind of out of the question. Plus, not to brag or anything, but I really don’t have anything to compensate for, if ya catch my drift.

Also, get a hip young hair cut!

The last time I tried something different with my hair, I did a crew cut. I was heading to Mongolia for three weeks, so it was practical. But my resemblance to my dad from about the time I was born was so astonishing I immediately started pulling on each strand to make it grow faster. Oh! There was also the time I sported one of those ridiculous quasi pony tails. We won’t go there.

Then dress like someone half my age. I basically dress the same way I have since I was a kid — slacks, buttondown shirts and loafers. Once a preppy, always a preppy. Hell, my brother had been dating his

current girlfriend for almost three years before she ever saw me in a pair of jeans (I own exactly one pair). I guess I could start dressing like my 20-something nephews, but then again, I am gay and have good taste.

Find myself a boy toy! Once, about five years ago, I asked Kelly if I could get myself a hot 23-year-old boyfriend. Between guffaws, he managed to sputter, “You could try.” Yeah, maybe not.

Start listening to cool hip tunes! No, that would just be a tragedy. I’ve already had to admit that I liked a song by Taylor Swift. God help me if I’m suddenly grooving out to some douche like Bieber.

Reinvent myself! I’ve been threatening my extended family with this one for years. The way I see it, I can move to some foreign country, change my name to Buck Naqed, and get a job as an international spy. But those damn Greeks would find me one way or another.

I guess my only option is to accept turning 50 and embrace it. When I think about it, I’ve earned this. I’ve had plenty of fun, I can settle down a little.

I’ve made enough mistakes to deserve the salt now peppering my hair. Besides, thanks to Gus and Niko I still have a lot of living to do.

So bring on the nifty 50s. I’m ready. Actually, I’m more than ready, I deserve to be 50. After all, everyone says that 50 is the new 30. I rocked my 30s!

Happy freakin’ birthday to me! Q Apparently I was already showing my age in last month’s column.

For some reason, I referred to the free advice column penned by April Masini as “Ask Amy.” She provides great advice in “Ask April,” of course. Sorry about that, April.

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 21

march 2015 | issue 241 | gaysaltlake.com

Qhealth Winner

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Are you PrEPared?

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BY PETER STOKER

With

50,000 new HIV infections each year in the United States and no cure available, prevention is paramount. Many people throughout the community are still unaware of the advancements in science and what help is available to those who are both HIV positive and negative. In this article we will discuss what PrEP is, who can use it if it’s considered vaccine and where can one obtain the medication. By the end of this article you will be more PrEPared to protect yourself.

WHAT IS PrEP? “PrEP” stands for Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis; the word ‘prophylaxis’ means to prevent or control the spread of an infection or disease. This is a pill with the brand name Truvada (tru VÁ duh) that people who are HIV negative can take to prevent being infected with the virus. This medicine has to be taken every single day to be effective. Along with other prevention methods like condoms, PrEP can offer good protection against HIV. CAN ANYONE USE PrEP? It is NOT for everyone, however, those who are HIV negative and at a substantial risk for HIV infection should consider using the medication and talk with their primary care physician. Someone who would be considered at risk would be anyone who: • Is in an ongoing relationship with an HIV-positive partner.

• Is not in a mutually monogamous relationship with a partner who is HIV negative and is a gay or bisexual male who has sex without a condom or is heterosexual who does not regularly use condoms.

• Has, in the past six months, injected drugs intravenously or shared equipment.

IS PrEP A VACCINE? No. It is not injected into the body and does not work the same way a vaccine does.

HOW WELL DOES PrEP WORK? In many cases, the risk of becoming infected with HIV was much lower for those who took the medications consistently than those who did not. PrEP does not work as well if not taken daily.

IS PrEP SAFE? Yes. Only mild symptoms were noted (i.e., upset stomach, headache, loss of appetite). No serious side effects have been observed.

WHERE CAN I GET PrEP? Talk with your primary care physician.

Because no prevention strategy for sexually active people is 100 percent fool proof, if you choose to take PrEP, you are highly encouraged to use other prevention strategies as in: • Using condoms consistently and correctly during sexual activities.

• Getting tested regularly (either together or separate).

• Choosing to engage in less risky sexual behaviors, such as oral sex.

The more prevention options you choose the greater your protection, and the better PrEPared you will be to fight for your right to stay healthy. Q C. Peter Stoker, MPH, CHES, is a Community Health Educator and Medical Reserve Corps Coordinator at the WeberMorgan Health Department. He works in the suicide prevention and healthy lifestyles programs of the department.

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22 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 241 | march 2015

queer shift

Film — SHIFT

BY CHARLES LYNN FROST

The best

movies or films no longer have a “season,” they release year around; they inundate us, and one has to be quite on top of things to be in the know about the best and most promising movies or films.

There are many truly amazing films or movies about gay culture, present day, and in the historical past. I have graduate degrees in Film Acting and Directing, and I think about films/movies a lot, and I see a lot of them in dark theaters as well as at home. I am so grateful for festivals like Sundance that promote the best queer films, as well as our outstanding local LGBT Damn These Heels Film Festival — which is constantly superb, and should not be missed! I mean it.

Several times a week I hear LGBT people from various generations simply not understanding or “getting” a different generation. The queer, gender-flowing, gender-neutral Facebook generation with their faces pressed towards their favorite technology — to the LGBT Boomer generation shouting community, or loss thereof, promoting involvement and activism and most importantly ‘OUR history,” at times complaining about how a younger generation just doesn’t seem to care. Not to mention the Will & Grace generation in the middle that are feverishly ladder climbing and really don’t have much time to get heavily involved. I have seriously research and read hundreds of articles from various prominent national publications about this topic — the intergenerational divide. I honestly think it is emergent and we have to find intergenerational ways to build respect, responsibility, reciprocity, resiliency, and true celebration of ourselves. It is a fact, it is true, and we all have to do whatever we can to generationally swap stories, socially share, exchange experiences, hear other’s viewpoints — so we pass on vast knowledge, as well as stick together as extraordinarily unique people.

I have always found movies to be a tremendous way to begin conversations, open up minds, explore new ways of feeling and seeing. The “queer” or “gay” generations,

and those in-between must truly find ways of sharing, two-way teaching, honoring, and most importantly understanding the other person first — before you try to superimpose your opinion upon them.

Let’s celebrate our differences within our subculture, preserving what we know in our hearts, and being willing to explore new thinking and ways.

Films and movies are an excellent way of doing just that. I was talking to a young man a couple of years ago, and mentioned Matthew Shepherd, and he replied “who’s that?” I was flabbergasted, even though I tried not to show it. I asked how old are you, and he replied “16,” I quickly did the math — and of course he didn’t know who Matthew Shepherd was, let alone the gay movement that occurred after his horrific murder. I shared with him the story, he 8: The Mormon Proposition A Beautiful Life A Chorus Line A Clockwork Orange A Home at the End of the World A Separate Peace A Single Man A Streetcar Named Desire All About Eve All Over The Guy Almost Normal Amadeus Amelie An Early Frost And The Band Played On Angels In America (HBO) Another Country Auntie Mame Babette’s Feast Beautiful Thing Before Night Falls Before Stonewall Beginners Bent Best In Show Billy Elliot

Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss Big Eden Birdcage Boys Don’t Cry Breakfast at Tiffany’s Breakfast on Pluto Breakfast with Scott Bridegroom Bringing Up Baby Brokeback Mountain Broken Hearts Club Bully Burnt Money Cabaret Capote Caravaggio Casablanca Cat On A Hot Tin Roof Christopher and His Kind Cinema Paridiso Come Back to the Five & Dime, Jimmy Dean Crash Cruising Dallas Buyers Club Dangerous Liaisons Death In Venice

seemed rather riveted, and we had a very trusted, two-way conversation.

In that vein of trying to better understand ourselves and how we are all connected queer or straight, I am offering a two-part column recommending the top movies every gay person should see to better promote understanding of our past, present and certainly our future. Not all the films are gay-gay, some are super gay in theme, story, characters and plot, some not. What they hopefully do is open the mind to a much better understanding of the human condition and how we are all in this together. I asked a bunch of trusted friends to contribute to the list, and for their contributions I am truly grateful. So here it goes — Part I, please look for Part II next month in this Queer Shift column.

This month A-L, next month M-Z. Q Deathtrap Deliverance Dog Day Afternoon Doing Time on Maple Drive Dr. Zhivago Edward II Entertaining Mr. Sloane Eyes Wide Open 56 Far From Heaven Fargo Female Trouble Fortune and Mens Eyes Four Weddings and a Funeral Fried Green Tomatoes Get Real Glen or Glenda God’s and Monsters Going Down in LA-LA Land Gone with the Wind Gosford Park Grey Gardens (Documentary) Hair Hairspray Happy, Texas Harold and Maude

Heartbeats Heavenly Creatures Hedwig and the Angry Inch How to Train Your Dragon HOWL I Love You Phillip Morris In and Out In the Gloaming It’s a Wonderful Life It’s My Party Jeffrey Judas Kiss Keep The Lights On Kill Bill Kinky Boots Kinsey Kiss of the Spider Woman La Cage au Folles (the original) La Vie En Rose Latter Days Law of Desire Life is Beautiful Lilies Little Voice Longtime Companion Love Valour Compassion

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 23

march 2015 | issue 241 | gaysaltlake.com

creep of the week

Linda Harvey

BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI

After

years of arguing that being gay is not a choice and that gay people can’t magically become straight via a wish and a prayer, I now have to admit that I was wrong. On Feb. 1, 2015 I found the strength and will to finally become a heterosexual woman.

It happened while I was watching Katy Perry’s Super Bowl halftime performance.

Perry riding a giant Trojan tiger through a massive lighted labia and then singing “I Kissed a Girl” with a lesbian named Lenny Kravitz made a very compelling argument for lesbianism.

As Perry crooned, “I kissed a girl and I liked it,” I turned straight just so I could turn gay again.

And no doubt I was not the only one if Linda Harvey, author of Maybe He’s Not Gay: Another View on Homosexuality, is to be believed. “[This] song demonstrates where sexual license eventually takes a willing culture, and heterosexuals who experiment with—and like—homosexual behavior is one natural progression,” Harvey argues in a Feb. 5 BarbWire column. “Katy did us a favor, actually, by illustrating that yes, indeed, people who don’t claim to be ‘born that way’ will be experimenting and some will stick with the new preferences they develop.”

Yes, it is a known fact that heterosexuals get try-curious whenever they are reminded that homosexuality exists. One day a dude who digs chicks finds himself in a supermarket checkout staring at Elton John and David Furnish holding their baby boy on the cover of Us Weekly, and before you know it he’s cramming dicks in his previously heterosexual mouth and

never think about vaginas the same way again. It’s a cautionary tale.

Curse Katy Perry for giving away key parts of the Homosexual Agenda!

And, of course, there’s a double standard in pop music when it comes to songs about kissing.

“There would be a predictable reaction if a well-known homosexual woman crooned that she had ‘kissed a boy and liked it’ and she ‘hopes her girlfriend don’t mind it,’” Harvey laments.

“If such a song even saw the light of day, it would be instantly labeled bigotry, hate and rightwing extremism. After all, one is never allowed to experiment in that direction. Satan and his mouthpieces will make sure such a notion never gains traction.”

Too true. No homosexual has ever “experimented” by kissing or sexing or even marrying a person of the opposite sex. Nope.

Not allowed. Section II Article VI of the Homosexual Agenda (a.k.a. “Satan’s Mouthpiece”) forbids it because such experimenting would lead gays and lesbians to be “cured” and would never be seen as a desperate attempt to be straight in a society that discourages gays and lesbians from ever finding real love.

Oh, Harvey also believes that Perry is possessed by Satan.

“Dark Horse is not about love or even a hot hook-up. It seems to be invitation to demonic possession,” Harvey claims.

“Many will recall her Grammy performance from 2014 where she pole-danced on a witch’s broom … with lyrics selling sex and ‘magic’ from which there will be ‘no going back.’”

Boo. Something tells me that where Harvey comes from, Satan wears Cherry ChapStick. Q

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gaysaltlake.com | issue 241 | march 2015

SPRING ARTS GUIDE Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo Pointy

shoes, an embroidered tutu and a hairy chest.

That’s one combination you may see during a performance by Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo.

The all-male comedy-ballet company will perform Tuesday, Feb. 24, at Kingsbury Hall on the University of Utah campus.

They’ll perform scenes from “Swan Lake,” “Paquita” and other ballets, into which they insert pratfalls and other sight gags.

The dancers portray both male and female roles, and many of the jokes exploit the humor inherent in watching a man pretending to be a woman. Feathers fall from a ballerina’s tutu. A short male character tries to carry a much bigger female character. But the dancers, wearing heavy makeup and wigs, deliver these routines with intensity and athleticism.

“The female dancers have to achieve a

certain finesse that we are not looking for,” says Tory Dobrin, Les Ballets Trockadero’s artistic director. “We’re looking for the male attack in relationship to ballet.”

Just because the show is funny doesn’t mean the Trocks, as they call themselves, can’t dance.

“The dancers are very skilled, and also know how to use that skill and still have fun at the same time,” Dobrin says. “Sometimes, when you have a lot of skills, the fun kind of goes away, because you’re so busy with the skill.”

The New York-based company was founded in 1974. Dobrin joined as a dancer in the early 1980s, and says he fell in love with the style during his first tour in Latin America.

“Don’t forget, in the 1980s, it was the height of the repressing military regimes,” he says, “so going to Latin America at that

time was heartbreaking. But it was very interesting.”

When Dobrin, who is gay, arrived in Argentina, he was advised to be discreet in public.

“The company is all gay of course, and that was not an easy time to be gay in Argentina, or I guess, anywhere in Latin America,” he recalls. “You could feel it, that energy, in the streets.”

People packed the theaters, anyway.

“Truthfully, I don’t think the government understood what we were. I think they thought it was just a regular ballet company,” Dobrin says. “They probably didn’t think that the Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo wasn’t from France, or Monte Carlo.”

Dobrin became Les Ballets Trockadero’s artistic director in the 1990s. He says the essence of the company has stayed the

march 2015 | issue 241 | gaysaltlake.com

same: all-male comedy and ballet. Only the dancers are much better now, he says.

“We’re getting dancers who actually consider this a career choice, and come to us right out of their academies,” Dobrin says.

Chase Johnsey, 29, of Winter Haven, Fla. is one of those dancers. He first saw the Trocks on TV when he was 15.

“I didn’t know anything about Trockadero, and I thought, ‘These women are terribly ugly,’” Johnsey says. “Then, I realized what it was. I started researching online, and I loved what they did so much.

Something clicked in my head. I knew that I wanted to be with this company.”

He began practicing in pointy shoes on his own and in ballet classes. At 18, he became the youngest dancer to ever join the company.

Like all the Trocks, Johnsey portrays two characters: a female ballerina named Yakatarina Verbosovich and a male dancer, Roland Daulin.

“There’s a definite transformation,” Johnsey says. “It was quite a long process to learn how to be a ballerina and then have to make fun of it.”

Johnsey says the comedy posed the biggest challenge for him. While bigger dancers look funny in a tutu, Johnsey is short and skinny.

“I look pretty androgynous as a person.

I had to go a different route,” he says. “So one of the things I did, I actually went to the gay club, and I learned how to do drag queen makeup.”

The dancers rotate through the roles, so eventually all of them can perform a big part.

“People already know they’re coming to the show to laugh,” Johnsey says. “But they’re always surprised about how well we can actually dance, and I love hearing that, because we do work very, very hard to do the steps.”

Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo will perform at 7:30 p.m. Tuesday, Feb. 24, at Kingsbury Hall. Tickets cost $29.50– 49.50 or $5 for University of Utah students with an arts pass. Call 801-581-7100 or go to kingtix.com. Q

SPRING ARTS GUIDE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 25

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gaysaltlake.com | issue 241 | march 2015

Send in the Collins Judy Collins

has been in Utah several times over th past several years, and returns to Park City’s Egyptian Theatre again in May. Her long, silvery locks and angelic voice make her a crowd favorite, as she rose to fame with hits such as “Both Sides Now” and “Send in the Clowns.”

The 75-year-old songstress has released more albums than even she can count, her first in 1961, “A Maid of Constant Sorrow,” was released when John F. Kennedy had just been elected president. She’s been a civil rights champion for women and has written 10 books.

Many QSaltLake readers will most likely know her by her songs “Send in the Clowns,” recorded in 1975, or her biggest hit, Joni Mitchell’s “Both Sides Now,” recorded in 1967.

Collins released a new single called “Helpless,” a cover of a Neil Young song, earlier this year. But the song has nothing to do with how she’s feeling these days. “I thought I was going to be gone from the planet by the age of 40, but it turns out that I’m just getting going again,” she told the Wall Street Journal.

“I feel like I’m in high school again,” she says.

Even at 75, she still performs 100 times a year.

Her

secret: waking up at 7 a.m. to exercise.

“What I do is really an athletic life, and you have to live it like an athlete,” she says.

She no longer eats sugar, carbohydrates or grains.

“I’ve been struggling with the food issue most of my life,” she says, recalling her battle with bulimia after she quit cmoking in the 70s.

She also suffered with alcoholism. She has been sober since 1979.

Today, Collins lives in Manhattan with her second husband, Louis Nelson, an industrial designer. She had one son from her first marriage to Peter Taylor, a former Navy pilot, but lost him to suicide in 1992.

She wrote a book, Sanity and Grace, about her recovery from that part of her life.

“His suicide has both ruined my life and probably saved my life at the same time, because I had to get through it,” she said. “And you get through it, but you don’t get over it.”

She said that writing about her hardships helps her to get through them. She now speaks to mental health groups about her son’s suicide as well as her own attempted suicide at age 14.

Asked by columnist Chris Azzopardi last year what she thought of what is going on in the gay rights movement, she repied, “It’s so exciting. It’s about time! We’ve had a very tragic history in that regard and now we’re coming of age, I think.

Many of my friends were gay, but that was natural. You didn’t make anything of it. It was natural. You’d have many good friends that were gay and that’s that. It was part of life. But of course the legal and the moral and the issues with the armed services and the church — it’s disgusting to think that we had to go so far in the other direction before we got smart.”

She also thought it “absolutely wonderful” that state after state was legalizing same-sex marriage.

Recently, contemporary and classic artists such as Rufus Wainwright, Shawn Colvin, Arlo Guthrie, Joan Baez and Leonard Cohen honored her legacy with the album Born to the Breed: A Tribute to Judy Collins.

She will perform at Park City’s Egyptian Theatre May 21–24. Tickets are available at egyptiantheatrecompany.org. Q

LOVE AND MARRIAGE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 27

march 2015 | issue 241 | gaysaltlake.com

Red Butte Gardens announces 2015 Outdoor Concert Series sneak peek

As spring

weather hits early in Salt Lake City, Red Butte Garden announced the first five shows for their 2015 Outdoor Concert Series. The following five performances will be held in May and early June.

Tickets for these five performances will go on sale this month to both Red Butte Garden Members and the general public on February 23 at 9 a.m.

PASSION PIT special guest HOLYCHILD Friday, May 22 $35 Garden Member /$40 Public / $25 Child

THE DECEMBERISTS Tuesday, May 26 $45 Garden Member /$50 Public /$35 Child

Everything from Angels to Zen

CHROMEO & ODESZA special guest Classixx Wednesday, May 27 $40 Garden Member /$45 Public / $30 Child

LINDSEY STIRLING Friday, May 29 $32 Garden Member /$37 Public / $22 Child

RYAN ADAMS Tuesday, June 2 $38 Garden Member /$43 Public /$28 Child The rest of the summer lineup will be announced in April. Tickets are available at www.redbuttegarden. org/concerts

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gaysaltlake.com | issue 241 | march 2015

UtahRep brings ‘The Last 5 Years’ to Salt Lake Utah theater lovers have been anxiously anticipating the big-screen adaptation of Tony Award-winning Jason Robert Brown’s “The Last 5 Years” to open in theaters on Friday, Feb. 13. But you won’t see it on any Utah movie theater screen — the closest theater is 572 miles away at the Laemmle Playhouse in Pasadena, Calif. The film version is in limited release.

Utah Repertory Theater Company presents “The Last 5 Years,” playing Feb. 27 through March 15 at the Sugar Space Studio Theater in Sugar House and March 20 through 22 the Zigfield Theatre in Ogden.

Advance tickets are available at UtahRep.org/tickets: adults $18 and seniors/ students $16; at-door tickets are adults $20 and seniors/ students $18 “The Last 5 Years” tells the story of Jamie and Cathy, two New Yorkers who fall in and out of love over the course of five years.

An emotionally powerful and intimate musical by the Tony award-winning composer and lyricist Jason Robert Brown, it is a story told nearly entirely through

songs using an inter-cutting timeline device. All of Cathy’s songs begin at the end of their marriage and move backwards in time to the beginning of their love affair. Jamie’s songs start at the beginning of their affair and move forward to the end of their marriage. They meet in the center when Jamie proposes.

“There are two sides to every love story,” explains Utah Rep Marketing Director Blain Howell. “You will fall in love with Jamie Wellerstein and Cathy Hiatt as they recount their love stories.

Jamie is a young, talented upand-coming Jewish novelist who falls in love with Cathy, a struggling actress — and shiksa goddess.”

FEB. 27–MARCH 15 Sugar Space Studio Theater, 616 Wilmington Ave., Sugarhouse

MARCH 20–22 Zigfield Theatre, 3934 Washington Blvd., Ogden Directed by JOHN SWEENEY Music Direction by ANNE PUZEY ERIN ROYALL CARLSON as Cathy Hiatt RHETT RICHINS as Jamie Wellerstein

march 2015 | issue 241 | gaysaltlake.com

LOVE AND MARRIAGE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 29

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Latoya Rhodes and Carleton Bluford as they rehearse both ‘Mama,’ which premiered in February, and ‘A/Version of Events’ that premieres in March.

Plan-B brings ‘A/Version of Events’ Matthew Ivan Bennett has been Plan-B’s resident playwright since 2007, when he wrote his first radio play, Radio Hour Episode 3: Lavender & Exile. Since then Radio Hour Episode 4: Frankenstein, Block 8, Di Esperienza, Radio Hour Episode 5: Alice, Mesa Verde, Radio Hour Episode 7: Sherlock

Holmes And The Blue Carbuncle, Eric(A) and Different=Amazing have premiered at PlanB, along with a plethora of short plays including Terms of Use. He talks here about his newest play, which will premiere this month, A/Version of Events:

Sometimes you don’t want to talk about plays because you want people to be surprised. So I’ll talk around the plot of A/ Version of Events and tell you why I wrote it. My parents lost a baby when I was 18.

Actually, he died on my 19th birthday. I can still hear my stepdad sawing wood for a tiny blond coffin in the backyard. I can still hear Benjamin cry. I can still feel my younger self’s cold anger. I didn’t understand my baby brother’s suffering. Or the certainty with which our neighbors cooed things like, “You’ll see him again one day.”

Now I’m 36. Twice the age I was then.

I’m not twice as wise, probably, but I can parse the remembered anger from the faith, love, and hope that was also alive in our house. The play isn’t autobiographical, or even an adaptation of those events, but it’s a place for my past anger and present acceptance to live side by side for 90 minutes.

But besides grief, it’s a play about … I was going to write “love,” but more accurate would be “love and marriage.” When you marry, you vow to walk with another person “come weal, come woe,” but it’s a lot easier to vow than to do. Can you think of a worse torture than watching your wife folded with sobbing and you powerless to stop it? Sometimes that’s exactly what “come woe” means: standing there, watching them choke and sputter.

A not-so-hidden secret, though, is that our choking and sputtering is often sort of funny. (At least, down the road.) Anger is almost always overreaction, making it the mortar of comedy. A friend once urged me to always dig for the comedy in my dramas (and vice versa) and so I wrote A/Version of Events knowing “this too shall pass.” Q “A/Version of Events” will premiere March 5–15, at Plan-B featuring Carleton Bluford and Latoya Rhodes, directed by Christy Summerhays. Tickets at PlanBTheatre.org.

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march 2015 | issue 241 | gaysaltlake.com

A Play of Polygamy

Melissa

Leilani Larson makes her Plan-B debut with Pilot Program. An award-winning writer from Provo, Utah, her plays Martyrs’ Crossing (IRAM Best New Play) debuted at the 2013 Edinburgh Fringe and Pride And Prejudice enjoyed a sold-out run at Brigham Young University last March. Her screenplay Freetown, presently filming in Ghana, will be in cinemas in April 2015.

She talks about Pilot Program here: What would it take for me to leave my Mormon faith behind?

Polygamy.

Other faithful Mormons have told me on multiple occasions that I will find love in the hereafter, as some lucky guy will be blessed to have me as a plural wife. Lucky? Really? I’ve always been grateful to know polygamy is a thing of the past.

But is it? Plural marriage was decriminalized in Utah in 2013.

Recent decisions on both state and federal levels have called the definition of marriage into question, and I began to wonder: could polygamy really

be legal? Could it make a comeback in LDS practice? And the possibility, as insignificant as it may be, terrified me.

As a lifelong Mormon, marriage is something that I’ve heard about for as long as I can remember. As a child and a teenager and even in religion classes in college, I was taught that marriage was the key to the kingdom. I’ve been told all my life that I would marry a good man and be happy with him for eternity. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to believe it.

Thing is, it never happened.

I’m a 38-year-old single Mormon woman. I’m educated and self-sufficient. I have talents, plans, goals. I get lonely, sure, but I’m past the point in my life where I feel I need to be married in order to be happy.

Being busy dulls that particular pain, so I don’t dwell on it. I find joy in other successes, in other relationships. I say no to marriage, in either the singular or plural form.

But while answering “No” to the polygamy question may be easy for me, it doesn’t make for good drama. What happens if I swallow my pride and say, “Yes”, even hypothetically?

Pilot Program is my answer.

One of the things I love about writing drama is that I’m free to explore how real people might react in difficult and unique situations. Attempting to create well-rounded characters—full, real, honest people—forces me to consider and at least appreciate opinions that contradict my own.

Through writing PILOT PROGRAM, I’ve been able to confront and investigate my personal questions on the beautifully complex difficulties of marriage and polygamy—and my faith when it comes to both. Q Melissa Leilani Larson’s “Pilot Progra” will premiers April 9–19, at Plan-B featuring April Fossen, Mark Fossen and Susannah Florence Risser, directed by Jerry Rapier. ickets at PlanBTheatre.org.

SPRING ARTS GUIDE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 31

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32 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E gaysaltlake.com | issue 241 | march 2015

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Tony’s Gay Agenda

BY TONY HOBDAY

CONCERTS Mingled in with the powerhouse Utah Symphony are a few musical geniuses who many may ask who dat? But trust my words when I say they each, and in particular Shawn Colvin, will make your ears bleed honey.

— SUZANNE VEGA 21SATURDAY

Eccles Center, 1750 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 7:30pm. Tickets $20-69, ecclescenter.org

— HOME FREE 26THURSDAY

Capitol Theatre, 200 S. 50 West, 8pm. Tickets $29-99, arttix.org

DANCE Odyssey Dance Company’s annual smash hit inaugurates a classic story with a modern twist … and a couple of dos-ados.

— SHUT UP & DANCE – CARMEN 5THURSDAY Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Cir., UofU, 7:30pm, through March 7. Tickets $20-40, kingtix.com

— THE LAST FIVE YEARS 13FRIDAY

Broadway Centre Cinemas, 111 E. Broadway, times vary. Tickets $6.75-9.25, saltlakefilmsociety.org

— AN HONEST LIAR 20FRIDAY

Broadway Centre Cinemas, 111 E. Broadway, times vary. Tickets $6.75-9.25, saltlakefilmsociety.org

THEATRE/OPERA On the road again with Plan-B and what can only be assumed a Swatch car. A gayly superb production not starring Meryl Streep comes to Kingsbury. The Utah Opera takes on men at war and the sluts whose eyes wander. And openly gay writer, Paul Rudnick, mounts Shakespeare.

— A/VERSION OF EVENTS 5THURSDAY

Studio Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, times vary, through March 15. Tickets $20, arttix.org

— MAMA MIA! 13FRIDAY

Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Cir., UofU, times vary, through March 15. Tickets $35-65, kingtix.com

13

FRIDAY — JASON MRAZ AND RAINING JANE

Abravanel Hall, 123 W. S Temple, 8pm. Tickets $55-75, arttix.org

— PETER 21 SATURDAY & THE WOLF Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, 11am & 12:30pm. Tickets $6-18, arttix.org

— SHAWN COLVIN 27FRIDAY Egyptian Theatre, 328 Main St., Park City, times vary, through March 27. Tickets $43-70, egyptiantheatrecompany.org

MOVIES The adorable Jeremy Jordan and Anna Kendrick (I love her cups ... the song, you pervs!) star in The Last Five Years, a musical comedy about dysfunctional love. I think we can all relate.

And openly gay magician James Randi is profiled in the documentary An Honest Liar.

— COSI FAN TUTTE 14SATURDAY

Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South, 7:30pm, through March 22. Tickets $10-83, arttix.org

— I HATE HAMLET 20FRIDAY

Pioneer Theatre, 1500 E. 300 South, UofU, times vary, through April 4.

Tickets $25-44, pioneertheatre.org

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Suzanne Vega comes to Park City Eccles Center New York Singer/Songwriter Suzanne Vega brings her most memorable songs to the Eccles Center in Park City Saturday, March 21 at 7:30 p.m.

Widely regarded as one of the most brilliant songwriters of her generation, Vega personified the neo-folk

the BYbookworm sez TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER “AN AMERICAN QUEER: THE AMAZON TRAIL”

BY LEE LYNCH C.2014, BOLD STROKES BOOKS $16.95 / $18.95 CANADA 258 PAGES

Ahhh, the Good Old Days.

You hear that a lot from people with short memories. Life was slower in the Good Old Days, less complicated, less structured. But was it truly good?

The answer isn’t easy: in your life, you’ve seen plenty of changes, positive and negative, and so has Lee Lynch. In her new collection of essays, “An American Queer: The Amazon Trail,” she remembers them…

Back in 1960, when thenteenage lesbian Lee Lynch was outed to her parents, few people “were even capable of believing… that a fifteen-yearold could be sexually active.” It was obviously a more innocent time but still, Lynch says, “Hypervigilance settled deeply into my very muscles.”

Dancing with someone of the same sex was illegal in some places then, and entering a lesbian bar was a nervous,

gutsy move. At one point, Lynch and a girlfriend were denied a camping spot because they were lesbians. Even vacationing where she didn’t have to hide and was “surrounded for once by my own” was a gleeful, rare delight; Lynch knew other lesbians, but she knew that knowledge couldn’t be public.

But the times, they were a-changing.

As years went by, Lynch became an activist for gay rights and women’s issues. She noted how politics – especially those impacting the lives of certain sectors of society – became harshly divisive. She saw the beginning of the AIDS crisis, the bigotry that it brought, and the friends it killed. She later noticed with gratitude how, in preventing the loss of human rights, “People from all over are offering to help.” Lynch made friends with some straights, and marched in her first Gay Pride parade.

“Today,” she says, “because our history has become visible, it has also started to look more like our present.”

And marriage? “What a lovely question.”

I struggled for awhile with “An American Queer: The Amazon Trail,” not because of what’s said but because of

how it’s arranged.

Author Lee Lynch offers readers so much: written with a gentle, almost stream-ofconsciousness voice, this book is partly memoir and partly LGBT history with a personal touch. Lynch’s essays are approachable, comfortable, and enjoyable to read, and how she writes about the past is more relatable for casual readers, I think, than are similar books by academics. This is the kind of thing – the kind of writing – you want on an easy curl-upand-read day.

I questioned, however, the inclusion of the books’ first few chapters. Those early essays from the beginning of Lynch’s writing career are terribly dated and, because of their conversational tone, they felt out-of-place to me, maybe a little too homey. I don’t think that’ll be an issue for older gay or lesbian readers, but it could be off-putting for younger ones — and they’re the readers who could most benefit from this book.

My advice is to give it a whirl, stick with it, and you won’t be sorry. In “An American Queer: The Amazon Trail,” Lynch’s experiences and her thoughts are LGBT history at street-level, and that’s pretty good. Q

revival of the early 1980s that helped usher in a new breed of female, acoustic singer/songwriters like Tracy Chapman, Shawn Colvin and Indigo Girls.

Vega started writing poetry at the age of nine and songs by age 14. She attended Manhattans High School for the Performing Arts and was an English major at Barnard College. She emerged as a leading figure of the folk-music revival of the early 1980s when, accompanying herself on acoustic guitar, she sang what has been labeled contemporary folk or neo-folk songs of her own creation in Greenwich Village clubs.

She was signed to A&M Records in 1984, where she released the acclaimed album Suzanne Vega. The album was a critical triumph and yielded her first singles, “Marlena on the Wall” and “Small Blue Thing.” But it was her single hit “Luka” from Solitude Standing which catapulted her to success.

Bearing the stamp of a masterful storyteller who observes the world with a poetic eye, Vega’s songs have always focused on ordinary people and real world subjects. Succinct and understated, often cerebral but also streetwise, her music is both immediately recognizable and utterly distinct, as thoughtful, creative and musical now as it was when her voice was first heard on the radio over 20 years ago.

Her latest album, Tales from the Realm of the Queen of Pentacles, was released in February last year.

She heads to the U.K. in June for a six-stop tour. Q Tickets to the Park City show are $20 to $69 and are available at ecclescenter.org or by calling 435-655-3114.

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Beyond the Bon-Bon RICKY MARTIN TALKS LOVE LIFE, SHIRTLESS SELFIES AND HOW HE’D REACT TO HAVING GAY SONS

BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI

A single

tweet changed Ricky Martin’s life, and then it changed the world.

When the internationally famed Puerto Rican heartthrob came out in 2010, declaring himself on Twitter “a fortunate homosexual man” who’s “very blessed to be who I am,” Martin, 43, stepped out of the closet and into himself. Reflecting the free life he’s currently basking in are the raw sounds and personal soliloquies on the singer’s 10th studio album, A Quien Quiera Escuchar (To Whomever Wants to Listen).

In conversation, Martin is notably laidback, sincere and personal as he opens up about how his six-year-long relationship with Carlos Gonzalez Abella inspired his latest music (“I love being in love”), what he’s really trying to convey with all his shirtless selfies and the “powerful” coming out stories the LGBT community shares with him. And whether he’s ruminating on his two sons or anticipating shaking his bon-bon with _more_ male dancers onstage, his smile radiates even on the phone.

This is a new, happier Ricky Martin, and yes, we’re listening.

On behalf of the gay community, thank you for all you do. The world is a better place because of your shirtless selfies. (Laughs) Oh, man – thank you very much. I laugh so much at the reaction of the people; it’s so funny. It really is amazing.

I get a kick out of it too. Are you more comfortable without clothes? Or do you feel it’s just your responsibility as a celebrated sex symbol? I just want to let people know how normal my life is, and I try to do it with a simple picture – that’s what Instagram is about. So the other day I was laying in the sun and I was like, “Hey everyone, I’m here. I’m in a good place.”

You know, I’m a little bit obsessed with social media, to be honest. That’s the first thing I do in the morning. I check out my Twitter, my HeyHey account, Facebook and Instagram, and I read what people have to say and what they need from me as an artist. It’s fun, man.

You’ve always been a sex symbol, but

how does it feel being a sex symbol for a community of gay men who know you’re playing on their team? Is it different when there’s that mutual attraction? Listen, for me, it’s about liberty and it’s about being you – me, in this case – and living life with transparency and just being. It’s so amazing to know that you have nothing to hide, man. What you see is what you get. And this is me. And I don’t wear a mask to go onstage, and the support that I’ve received from my community since I came out has been amazing. It’s one of those things that (makes) you say, “Oh my god, why didn’t I do this before?” But then again, Chris, you know how it goes – everybody accepts who they are at their own time. When I sent that tweet a few years ago just letting people know that I am gay it was the most amazing day of my life after the birth of my kids. And it is what it is. Now my life is simple and honest and transparent, and this is me. And that’s what my social media’s about – being yourself.

Q&A | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 37

march 2015 | issue 241 | gaysaltlake.com

The ladies have obviously been infatuated with you since the beginning of your career – since you were in Menudo. But when did you first realize that LGBT fans enjoyed you as well? It’s always been there. Before I came out the love was there and I was very thankful. Now, when I got to work directly with the community once I came out, it went to another level and it’s felt amazing, but once again, just being able to talk to the media about who we are and what we want and what we need, it’s just so powerful. The equality slogan translates so easily in any language.

A Quien Quiera Escuchar sounds like you at your most authentic. I hear your essence, your spirit, your zest for life.

How does it feel to be able to be yourself musically? When I started recording this album I had no idea what I wanted to talk about, which is completely different to what it was like in the past, when I said, “OK, I think I wanna get into the studio,” and I had a blank canvas in front of me and all I did was throw colors and started working with amazing producers, and they helped me. It was the most amazing psychoanalysis, to be honest, to work with other writers and co-producers who helped me to put myself in order.

I started recording this album exactly a year ago in Australia and then we went to Los Angeles and we recorded in Miami. I also recorded in Puerto Rico. What I’m trying to say is that everything about this creative process was so organic and so relaxed, and I didn’t have pressure from anybody. I just allowed myself to open my book and I started reminiscing, remembering different experiences that I had in my personal life and being able to point out specific emotions that I’ve been through – not necessarily this year, but through my life.

And then, I think, A Quien Quiera Escuchar was born, you know? I listened to it today and I’m like, “Wow – there is poetry and there is honesty in these lyrics.” And there are some powerful slogans that people are quoting through social media. People are gravitating to (these lyrics) and using them and turning them into their own slogans.

Once again, it’s about honesty. It’s about vulnerability.

How much of the music on this album was inspired by your own personal love life, particularly your time with expartner Carlos Gonzalez Abella? After six years of being in a very steady relationship with him, yes, we have a lot of stories and

we have a lot of moments of love and lots of light and yes, he is part of this album.

It’s not about what I’ve lived (through) this year that we broke up or even the last five years. It’s decades of allowing myself to really go back and remember specific relationships that really (affected) me in many ways. And it became music. It’s never too late.

You’ll be touring all year across the world. I’m addicted!

Live, do you still even perform “She Bangs”? If people ask for it, I will perform it. I would become the character in the video and I would perform it.

You’ve always been flanked by female dancers. Now that you’re out and proud, does that mean that more male dancers get in on the mix? Hey, let’s be fair: Come on, it’s about equality, you know? And when I walk onstage I present different scenarios of life and, yes, I do have more one-on-one dancing with male dancers, but when you’re at a party, you just dance.

It doesn’t matter who’s next to you, you grab a guy’s or a girl’s hand and you just go for it. And that’s what my show is about.

It’s about freedom. And it’s about being comfortable in your own skin.

That must be a great feeling for you to be comfortable enough to dance with a guy in front of millions of people. It’s greaaaaat! And the reaction of the audience is even better! (Laughs) Now that you’re back on the market, what is dating like for someone as widely known as Ricky Martin? (Laughs) Mmmm. To be honest, I love being in a relationship, Chris. I love waking up in the morning and, if you’re not with your boyfriend, (sending) that first message or text in the morning: “Hey baby, how ya doing?

I hope you’re fine. I just woke up. I’m doing this and this and this today.” I loooove that. I really do. And I love picking up my phone and waiting for that reply from that text – it’s great. But at the same time, right now, I’m enjoying being single. I’m enjoying this process. I’m not saying that I don’t want to be in a relationship – I would be lying to you. I love being in love.

You strike me as the hopeless romantic type. I am, I am, I am! You’re damn right about that.

How often have men used a pickup line on you that references your bonbon? Ohh, man. If someone goes there I’d

be like, “Dude, you gotta start again. I’ll give you another chance because of your pretty face.” (Laughs) Considering your own coming out experience, what would you tell your 6-yearold twin sons, Matteo and Valentino, if one or both were to come out to you one day? You know what, for us, at least in my family, that’s not an issue because that is the normal in my house. So if my kids ever tell me that they’re gay, I’ll be like, “Yeah?

OK, cool! Brilliant! Bring it on.” But it all starts from the day that we’re born, and every time they ask me questions about anything – Who’s your boyfriend? How come I had two daddies? – the important thing is to answer with honesty and transparency.

And it doesn’t matter how old your kids are. If they are capable of formulating a question, it’s because they are capable of receiving the answer.

Have you taught them the famous Ricky hip swivel yet? Oh, it’s in their blood, buddy. There’s nothing I can do about it.

It’s there. (Laughs) As an out gay man with an enormous platform, what do you hope you’ve contributed to the LGBT community? I had the opportunity to write a book that is called Me and I’m very proud to say that it is a New York Times best-selling book.

There have been people who’ve come to me and said, “Because of you and because of that book I know my father better, I know my grandmother, I know my uncle, my aunt, my sister, my brother.” And that’s it. I mean, I will always keep on talking about the importance of equality and basic human rights that we as members of the LGBT community are longing for, but to this day, and every day – the book was released about four years ago – I get a tweet or a Facebook post from someone saying, “Ricky, thank you so much for that book; it changed my life.”

What do those stories mean to you? It tells me that my fears were just in my head and that I feel nothing but gratitude. And I get goose bumps, man, when I get these stories and these testimonies from people from all walks of life coming to me to say, “Listen, I was homophobic until I read your book.” It’s very powerful, and I’m very, very pleased. Q Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBT wire service. Reach him via his website at www.chris-azzopardi.com.

38 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

Spring DVDs

screen queen

BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI

for the lacking extras, which merely include deleted scenes and a brief history of the reallife Pride story.

PRIDE

TOOTSIE

gaysaltlake.com | issue 241 | march 2015

Criterion looks back on the 1982 production with a revealing behind-the-scenes doc, during which the actor passionately talks about his character’s sexuality with director Sydney Pollack, and then to 2007, with another feature, the one-hour “A Better Man.”

given that the special features are modest. Among them: an insightful Q&A with the cast and “The 12 Year Project,” a too-brief behind-the-scenes look at the film’s creation.

GONE GIRL

BOYHOOD

Pride, you ain’t foolin’ nobody.

So fine, strip all traces of gayness from your box art, but no closet can hide the fact that you, by title alone, are an exploding rainbow of gay. You got all the colors. You’re loud and proud. YOU HAVE DILDOS. In this hilarious, moving British dramedy based on the true story of an unlikely alliance between coal miners and LGBT activists in mid-’80s Britain, queers abound. Uniting to stand up with and for each other, a fired-up group of elderly lunch-lady types working to support families affected by the British miners’ strike, team up with a gaggle of “gays” (as they’re affectionately referred to by elders with curiosities of their own) for a good cause. In the process, unexpected bonds are formed as a reminder that the power of many is greater than the power of one. With a brilliant ensemble cast, Pride boasts hearty laughs – the discovery of a pleasure chest, for example, will have you rolling – while also imparting emotional segues so unexpected you hardly notice them until they’ve got you by the tear ducts and you’re at the mercy of such perfectly poignant filmmaking. The feature’s greatness more than makes up

Before everyone and their mother was down with drag (because for real – moms love drag these days), frolicking in clothes of the opposite sex existed in specific corners of the world – queer corners, mostly.

With then-Hollywood heavyweight Dustin Hoffman taking on the titular Southern-belle role in a comedy that earned commercial and critical cred, Tootsie certainly didn’t hinder the broad embrace of drag culture. And it’s no wonder Hoffman gets emotional (and self-critical) when discussing the film years later during a candid new interview for the Criterion Collection’s Blu-ray release: The classic, for all its hijinks involving a dressdonning Hoffman awkwardly stammering his way through sticky situations, is really a heartfelt journey through self-discovery. It’s to Hoffman’s credit as an actor that he humanizes what could have otherwise been a one-note caricature. But no – his portrayal of Tootsie expresses more than meets the eye, as we witness what being a woman means to a man. Hoffman’s own presentday thoughts on the dramedy bring this much-anticipated Blu-ray release full circle, as

Universal despite its specificity, renowned filmmaker Richard Linklater’s poignant observation of growing up isn’t just groundbreaking for its ambitious undertaking – shot over a span of 12 years, and with the same cast – but also in the unique way it admirably reflects the human condition.

The Oscar-bound Boyhood – my favorite film of 2014 – is fixed on life’s easy-to-miss “small moments” (a “birds and the bees” conversation during a bowling outing, Bible-gifting grandparents, a sibling’s Britney Spears dance; the evolution of game consoles, music and communicative technology). By turning the lens on life’s minutia, Boyhood is as much a story of the “boy,” Mason, as it is the story of every person who sees it. As Mason transitions into adulthood, his mother (an incredibly nuanced Patricia Arquette) tearfully laments, “I just thought there would be more.” Her directness encapsulates the melancholic nostalgia brought on

by Boyhood. Talk of a possible Criterion release is heartening

So much for the “sanctity of marriage.” All that nonsense is out the door when the crazy comes a-knockin’ in director David Fincher’s twisty and twisted Gone Girl, the best new reason not to tie the knot. In Fincher’s adaptation of the popular novel, the fairy-tale romance of Nick (Ben Affleck) and Amy Dunne (the hypnotically versatile Rosamund Pike) results in murder, spite and one very unlucky penis.

After Amy’s sudden disappearance, Nick goes on a massive search for his wife, piecing together a puzzle that leads to disturbing revelations and deceptive outcomes, and even Neil Patrick Harris (who plays the creepy old flame Desi Collings). Unfolding as a stylish whodunit that toys with our loyalty pertaining to each half of the couple, we become witness to a deliciously wicked game of “till death do us part.”

So, sanctity? Uh, no. More like insanity. And because you can never have enough crazy, the special features don’t just include a commentary from Fincher but also a faux copy of the children’s book “Amazing Amy Tattle Tale,” a meta tie-in to the movie.

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 39

march 2015 | issue 241 | gaysaltlake.com

LOVE IS STRANGE The unheard struggles of aging gays are heard in Ira Sach’s achingly beautiful Love Is Strange, a heartfelt indie with married male leads who aren’t significant because of who they love but how they love.

After 39 years together, George and Ben are inseparable until an unexpected employment discharge leads to a new set of challenges, including forced separation due to financial repercussions. Making a heartbreaking situation all the more agonizing is how much George (Alfred Molina) and Ben (John Lithgow) embody the devotion, patience and steadfastness of a couple bound by the truest form of love. Whether at the piano, joyously leading a family sing-along, or quietly rushing to the other in a verbal display of affection, Lithgow and Molina’s chemistry is subtly rendered by an affecting tenderness that’s so authentic and sensitive – and, ultimately, what every hopeless romantic dreams of – that every resulting emotion is magnified. During the extras, which includes an actors/director Q&A and commentary, Sachs discusses the film as a personal reflection of his own relationship.

LOOKING: SEASON 1 With Season 2 in full Jonathan Groff-giving, sex-having mode, it’s clear the creators of HBO’s homo-centric, San Franciscocentered Looking heard the unjust critiques of its initial

launch in 2014. Longer shags!

Less boring! The criticism was largely overblown; as the show finds its groove mid-season, there’s something to be said for how creator Michael Lannan and director Andrew Haigh keep the show focused on the ordinary realities of gay life, strongly suggesting it’s really no different from non-gay life.

Dating travails, circumcision talk, friend clashes and that whole sexing your boss thing – she might not have Grindr, but even your mom would find herself preaching relationship advice to Groff’s torn and naive Patrick. Looking isn’t blind to the nitty-gritty details of the community it reflects, however; it’s just that even during the gayest of situations, like a Folsom Street Fair outing, the characters break stereotypes to expose a refreshing humanity that reaches beyond sexuality.

In addition to Season 1’s eight episodes, HBO’s home release is surprisingly barebones, with just episodic commentaries from the cast and crew.

SKELETON TWINS Obviously suicide is no laughing matter, and so SNL alumni Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader – as estranged siblings forced to face crippling pasts – effectively shed resemblances of Target Lady and Stefon to get in touch with the brooding shadows of their characters, Milo and Maggie. Well, mostly anyway. The resolve, it seems,

self-loathing sad-sack like Maggie can’t resist. Performances are impressively outside the realm of their sketch-comedy roots, as both Wiig and Hader go to the dark side but still manage to come off as two of Hollywood’s hammiest hams.

The message: Suicide sucks.

Don’t do it. Instead, keep the film’s message in mind: “Baby, we can make it if we’re heart to heart.” The special features benefit from Wiig and Hader’s contribution to a commentary with gay director/co-writer Craig Johnson, along with a gag reel, a goofy-good makingof and extended improv from the acting duo’s rib-tickling dentist scene. Q

SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE

isn’t just sibling love and understanding – it’s poop jokes too. And if all else fails, shake it off with some ‘80s music. During a moment of levity, Milo lightens the mood by going full-on homosexual – which he is, by the way – during an uproarious lip-sync to Starship’s “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” that even a reluctant,

Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBT wire service and chris-azzopardi.com.

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40 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

Girl power

BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI

FIFTH HARMONY, REFLECTION

Raise your glass to girl-group power. It’s returning thanks to musicmaven Simon Cowell, who understands the need to resurrect this abandoned, gay-celebrated American tradition, where female voices unite for the purposes of empowerment and man-sassing. Fifth Harmony fills a sad void left by TLC, En Vogue, Spice Girls and Destiny’s Child, and the quintet’s long-anticipated debut, Reflection, is both a modern-day creation of irresistible girl-group frivolity and a hat-tip to their ’90s foremothers. Nowhere is this more obvious than on the cheery drum-dropping dance number “Brave Honest Beautiful,” which launches with a “they ain’t ready for this” roll-call a la “Bootylicious” and then, to reinforce their strong-women-rule mantra, names off Madonna, Shakira and Beyoncé.

“Like Mariah” goes as far as to sample the chanteuse herself, looping her “do do doop dums” from “Always Be My Baby” into an infectious throwback that’s cuter than kittens. On “Worth It,” the ladies lead a parade of handclaps, horns and self-love swagger, and then there’s “This Is How We Roll,” which is Fifth Harmony in a nutshell. “This place is jumpin’ / we keep it bumpin’,” they

hear me out say. And yeah, even if it’s a formula that’ll only take them so far, it’s true: They sure as hell know how to throw a party.

Grade: B+

MICHELLE CHAMUEL, FACE THE FIRE

Even before The Voice, where she took second place during the fourth season, Michelle Chamuel had a knack for pop melodies as lead singer of Michiganbased Ella Riot (previously My Dear Disco).

Additional clout never hurts, but on the perpetually peppy Face the Fire, it’s a hit Chamuel is after. And even if some of the material, co-written by Ella Riot bandmates Tyler Duncan and Theo Katzman, is slight, the adorkable ditty-maker has enough surefire singles to earn her some airplay: glitchy synths pop and sizzle on “Made for Me,” delivering the lovestruck sentimentality and cinematic cuteness of a Sara Bareilles song; “Weight of the World” is a dreamy number set to evocative keyboards and gentle bass; and traces of Gloria Estefan’s “Rhythm Is Gonna Get You” are flecked throughout the anthemic title track. Chamuel’s determination in riding the coattails of The Voice is apparent throughout (who can blame her?), but no more than on “Lottery,” with a Kelly Clarkson-worthy hook – ”we’ll find out if it’s meant to be, if we both play the lottery” – that scoops you up in its electro-pop fuzz.

Radio, are you listening?

Grade: B

gaysaltlake.com | issue 241 | march 2015

Also Out KATE PIERSON, GUITARS AND MICROPHONES

Even after almost 40 years, B-52s cofounder Kate Pierson is still loading up the love shack. On “Pulls You Under,” the last track from her first solo album – a long time coming, she’s said – Pierson wraps the wounded in an ascending wallop of live instruments and her own “rainbow voice.” The song sits among a sometimesdelightfully quirky (and definitely not-foreveryone) set executive produced by Sia, who also made songwriting contributions.

“Throw Down the Roses” is a riotous chant, and many others charm too. “Mister Sister,” however, misses the mark – it’s too simplistic to be a trans anthem, as it’s being called. And the music itself? Well, at least it’s not terrible.

NIGHT TERRORS OF 1927, EVERYTHING’S COMING UP ROSES

A pop-rock weepie reminiscent of The Cure and featuring Tegan and Sara, the terrific single “When You Were Mine” promised big things to come for L.A. alt duo Night Terrors of 1927. Now that it’s out, however, the band’s debut never quite meets that potential. Its major flub?

How dated it sounds. Despite occasional sparks of ingenuity, especially the choiraccompanied “Perfect Day,” _Everything’s Coming Up Roses_ sticks to the most basic tropes of 2000-era rock. So thanks anyway, “Always Be One,” but The Killers beat you to the punch. Q Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBT wire service. Reach him via his website at www.chris-azzopardi.com.

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42 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD&DRINK

food & drink Craft beer boom benefits wine industry

BY DAVID WHITE

About 50 million cases of beer were purchased on Super Bowl Sunday. It’s no wonder Anheuser-Busch, America’s largest brewer, purchased three and a half minutes of ad time during the big game.

Two of the beer company’s commercials were widely praised. Bud Light’s spot made virtually every viewer hope for an epic evening in a life-sized Pac-Man maze. Budweiser’s tale of a lost puppy finding his way home melted millions of hearts.

But Anheuser-Busch’s third commercial, which mocked

craft beer and the people who enjoy it, left a bitter taste in the mouths of many football fans.

“Proudly a macro beer, [Budweiser is] not brewed to be fussed over,” the spot began.

“It’s brewed for drinking. Not dissecting. The people who drink our beer are people who like drinking beer … Let them sip their pumpkin peach ale.

We’ll be brewing us some golden suds.”

In this narrative, craft beer drinkers are fussy hipsters who dine on Brussels sprouts and chicken liver mousse at cerebral, trendy restaurants. Budweiser fans, by contrast, are blueblooded men who drive trucks and hang out at packed bars — and don’t give much thought to what they drink.

The motivation for this commercial, aimed at making Budweiser synonymous with manliness? Fear. Americans have been abandoning Budweiser for more than 25 years. While the company sold nearly 50 million

gaysaltlake.com | issue 241 | march 2015

barrels of its iconic beer in 1988, it sold just 16 million in 2013.

Many Americans have moved to light beer, but Budweiser is most worried about the rise of craft beer, especially among 20-somethings.

Among 21- to 27-year-old drinkers, more than four in 10 say they’ve never even tried Budweiser. In this demographic, craft beer makes up 15 percent of beer purchases, compared with 10 percent for older generations. This trend is accelerating. That’s great news for craft brewers, obviously, but it’s also a positive development for small wine producers.

Consider a recent report from the Beverage Information Group, which looked at American drinking habits from 2001 to 2011. Researchers spotted two big developments. Consumers are abandoning juice and soft drinks in favor of healthier alternatives like bottled water. Plus, consumers are replacing massproduced beer with craft beer,

wine, and small-batch spirits.

Sure, Budweiser’s core drinkers might never take an interest in craft beer. And consumers who purchase Barefoot Bubbly might never care about authentic wine. But fewer and fewer Americans are willing drink without thinking, despite Budweiser’s best efforts.

This shift seems obvious when one looks at food. Every young consumer is a “foodie” these days — and few foodies are interested in mass-market dining options. For those born between 1980 and 2000 — the millennial generation — farmto-table restaurants and designer salad shops have replaced chain steakhouses and fast-food burger joints.

Just as the clothing you wear and the politicians you vote for say something about who you are, so does what you eat and drink. No foodie wants to tell the world about a new McDonald’s. But a hole-inthe-wall Thai restaurant with Eric Schramm

What are you craving? www.ParkCityRestaurants.com Your complete guide to Park City area dining Ghidottis, Deer Valley Resort, Chimayo

march 2015 | issue 241 | gaysaltlake.com

authentic cuisine? Absolutely.

No drinks enthusiast wants to tout the virtues of Budweiser or Cupcake Chardonnay. But a local craft brewer? Or a young, natural winemaker from the Loire Valley? Of course.

Many wine producers haven’t yet benefitted from this trend, but that’s explained almost entirely by economics.

Consumers can pick up a mixed six-pack of exciting craft beer

for less than a single bottle of fine wine. In the not-toodistant future, America’s 75 million millennials will hold the vast majority of the nation’s wealth and be at the center of luxury goods sales. They’ll drink more critically than their parents, replacing soulless, huge producers with craft brewers and small wineries. Q David White is the founder and editor of the award-winning Terroirist.com

FOOD&DRINK | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 43

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44 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 241 | march 2015

anagram AN ANAGRAM IS A WORD OR PHRASE THAT CAN BE MADE USING THE LETTERS FROM ANOTHER WORD OR PHRASE. REARRANGE THE LETTERS BELOW TO ANSWER:

BRETHREN GROOVER

________ _______

cryptogram A CRYPTOGRAM IS A PUZZLE WHERE ONE LETTER IN THE PUZZLE IS SUBSTITUTED WITH ANOTHER. FOR EXAMPLE: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! HAS THE SOLUTION: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! IN THE ABOVE EXAMPLE ES ARE ALL REPLACED

BY CS. THE PUZZLE IS SOLVED BY RECOGNIZING LETTER PATTERNS IN WORDS AND SUCCESSIVELY SUBSTITUTING LETTERS UNTIL THE SOLUTION IS REACHED. THIS WEEK’S HINT: E=I

Theme: Quote from anagram answer on performing a same-sex marriage:

E LTKNPNXF GKRXM TOBLOADHRXXF MOAXEYO. ED’B YKD BKIODCEYV E GKRXM GPYD DK MK. _ ________ _____ ____________ _______ . __ ’ _ ___ _________ _ _____ ____ __ __ .

PUZZLE ANSWERS ON PAGE 54

march 2015 | issue 241 | gaysaltlake.com

COMICS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 45

46 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

gaysaltlake.com | issue 241 | march 2015

q scopes

BY SAM KELLEY-MILLS ARIES March 20–April 19 Stress factors into a big decision begging to be made. Family and friends are putting a lot of pressure on you to make a choice, and none of the options are particularly thrilling. Creating new options is never discouraged, and you’re bound to do better by tapping into creative thinking. Someone out there will applaud you.

TAURUS Apr 20–May 20 An epiphany will come during this time period regarding your finances. The longer you try stretching funds, the harder they are to hold onto.

Temptation to spend will be strong, so the time has come to make some big decisions. Don’t do anything that cannot be undone if life throws a curveball. Staying grounded is vital.

Even Stephen ACROSS

1 Manger for Mary’s boy 5 E with a queer orientation 10 Biggest of three bears 14 Columnist Barrett 15 Richard Chamberlain’s The ___ Birds 16 Pigged out (on) 17 Start of a quote from Cinderella’s Prince 19 “___ no idea!”

20 Head-oriented group 21 They may be domestic 23 Strutted one’s stuff 26 Where to find nipples 27 More of the quote 31 Math subj.

34 Simba’s Broadway love 35 Enjoy the taste of 36 Mouth-puckering 38 Cross-dresser movie 41 Sea bottom captain 42 Nonmonogamous groups 44 De Matteo of Desperate Housewives 46 Do tailoring 47 Sondheim musical of this puzzle’s quote

51 B. D. Wong, for one 52 Queer form of an element 56 Autobiographer of Alice 59 More ready to get plucked 60 You could get caught in it 61 End of the quote 64 Where to find a Russian river, once 65 Grouchy guy 66 Fast food pioneer 67 Do-overs for Billie Jean 68 X-Men actress Berry 69 The last word in film directing

DOWN 1 What Nick Malgieri might do to a pie crust 2 One who gets your dinghy going 3 Totally ridiculous 4 Short-legged dog 5 Castro Street, on BART 6 X at a frat 7 Where Dr. Arizona Robbins works 8 Yule ring 9 Mitchell of NBC News 10 Guy up front 11 Rubber cement and such

12 Fruit homophone of a couple 13 Gets the bottom line 18 Blabbed away 22 Billy Budd, and mates 24 Online auction site 25 Cut 28 Reba’s realm, for short 29 Iditarod terminus 30 What fruits do in orchards 31 Italian wine center 32 Love ending?

33 Musician Ricky Wilson, for one 37 Cocks 39 Star Trek counselor Deanna 40 Many August people 43 Direction from Stephen Pyles 45 Prettify 48 Leg and loin 49 Agnes Moorehead role 50 Stones’ companions 53 Type of queen 54 Evita’s married name 55 How Homo sapiens stands 56 Conquest of Caesar’s 57 Besides that 58 Series ender 62 Show with C. Kattan 63 “Proud Mary” singer with Tina ANSWERS ON PAGE 54

GEMINI May 21–June 20 Limp and tired are things you feel often, but don’t be surprised if you catch yourself in a low mood this month. It’s the calm before the storm, Gemini. A time of adventure and fun is right around the corner. Try some meditation or research a much-loved subject.

Prepare for the time when flying high will dominate your life.

CANCER June 21–July 22 Don’t be ashamed of an embarrassing moment. The likely result is good attention in the end.

An associate will provide some unexpected amusement. A key relationship will change, leading to questioning of priorities. You’ve never been the type for free and loose, but this month, there’s a chance you will end up this way.

LIBRA Sept 23–October 22 Find an obvious solution to a complicated problem. Many times, success comes from the slightest of adjustments. A friend may offer you help in areas you didn’t know were needed. Don’t be afraid to accept but be aware of the price. No good deed is offered for free, especially friendly ones.

The time for caution is now.

SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21 Stuffing yourself to the point of busting is not a good idea. You will have a tendency to do that this month.

Take a moment to re-evaluate current needs and desires. Focus only on tasks that allow for the acquisition of what really matters. There is always time for what is important and never enough for things that are not.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22–December 20.

Dig deep into your mind and conjure a memory that brings joy. There is a lot going on right now which troubles you. With a little history lesson from your own past, methods to cope will be learned. Control over the present seems impossible, but you can be happy. Spend some quality time alone and rejuvenate.

CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19 End a long chapter in life and go out with a bang. A muchdeserved good time is definitely overdue, so enjoy. What happens next is totally up to you, but remember some family obligations require attention. With the seasons changing, a good feeling is bound to occur. Things will be running smoothly, no need to force it.

LEO July 23–August 22 The inclination to drop everything and go will be strong and hard to resist. Doing so might not be a bad idea if your affairs are in order. Take a trip or do something thrilling in order to center yourself. The world seems to be calling to you. A strange sense of duty will emerge regarding a significant person you should help.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18 This will be the perfect time to snatch a long desired catch.

You’ve been mulling over making a move for a long time. The real question to ask is “what do I have to lose?” Getting past this means moving into other areas of interest. A career move could be in the works, especially by putting yourself out there. Take charge.

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22 Finding the hidden meaning of a message will lead to an awesome discovery. A gift has been hiding in a place deep, but not out of reach. Be prepared to stretch but don’t let go of what keeps you grounded. Money matters are a worry, but a period of financial freedom is coming. Don’t take it for granted and spend wisely.

PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19 Hugs are always appreciated, but something more meaningful is preferred. Express inner desires and something wonderful is most certain.

Matters involving a child or pet will leave you shaken, but will pass. The ground beneath your feet is level but you feel off-balance. Ask yourself whether adjustment is needed. Adapt. Q

CLASSIFIEDS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 47

march 2015 | issue 241

sports

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Gay Ski Week returns to Park City This year’s predictions for a perfect winter ski season are in and Utah is set to get a blast of ‘cool’ with the announcement of the 2015 gay ski week dates for ELEVATION Utah. Adding to the current roster of the gay ski week event season, ELEVATION Utah builds upon the successful existing events ELEVATION Mammonth and the new ELEVATION Tahoe. For over a decade, ELEVATION events have brought together LGBT skiers looking to play on and off the slopes.

ELEVATION Utah will take place Feb. 26th through March 1st and will feature a collection of seven signature events over the four-day period. The skiby-day/play-by-night weekend starts from the moment guests arrive at the resort with daily events including après-ski and evening parties.

This year, ELEVATION Utah returns to Park City for its fifth year and is expected to be even larger than its previous four years with over 1,000 gays from around the country flocking to the slopes and staying for the various collection of parties, dinners, après ski events and more.

ELEVATION Utah is one of three gay ski weeks created by Tom Whitman Presents with ELEVATION Mammoth in its 13th year and ELEVATION Tahoe in its first year.

“We’re really excited to be back in beautiful Park City for ELEVATION Utah. We look forward to this event year after year and it continues to grow!

This year is probably one of the biggest years we’ve had and Park City provides the perfect backdrop,” said Whitman.

Each ELEVATION event offers its own unique experience for the LGBT community to come together and show off their skills both on the slopes (at some of the best ski resorts in the country) and on the dance floor! From one-of-a-kind events ranging from parties at mountain top bars with sweeping views, to the best skiing in the world, every ELEVATION event is an excuse to get out, hit the slopes and the dance floor.

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48 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | PETS Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku is actually five separate, but connected, Sudoku puzzles.

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8 9 6

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6 1

9 2 4

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3 1 9 7 6 8

9 1

8 9 3

7 9 1 6

gaysaltlake.com | issue 241 | march 2015

6

3 5 4 1 5

4

1 6 7 4 1 8

6 3 2 4

5

8

2

6 9 8 8 1 3 2

4 1 7

2 9 8 7

8 6 4 1

4 5 9 6 9 7 5 8 6

4 9 8 4

1 6 9 6

2 4

2 4 3 9

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9 1 6 8

5 8

8

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50 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

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BY ROCK MAGEN

I am

always in awe to hear of decisions that we make in our community. From the stories of gay teens taking their own lives to the demise of those I would have called “good men,” it’s always disheartening to hear a tale that doesn’t end in “happily ever after.”

A conversation I recently overheard from a mother, who is a strong advocate for equality, said that she would abstain from taking her children to Pride this year because we were lacking “inspiring examples.”

She went on to explain that she would rather her children see gay couples fighting a court case and leading marches, modeling those of our civil rights ancestors, than to see a man in a Speedo (who we all know most likely needs a few more gym hours to merit wearing one in public) swinging from a pole. I will admit, I have wondered if we should begin instituting an official to ensure such people don’t make it onto the main stage, but I digress.

Who are the mentors in our community? Are we showcasing our entrepreneurs, leaders, activists, or are we letting the culture of our nightclubs dictate the trajectory of our rising generation? I really cannot rebuke an argument that states an MBA graduate leading a corporation is a better role model than a go-go dancer. It’s not my place nor my objective to discuss our “night life,” we all need to let go; but, what are we doing during the daytime hours to ensure we are successful?

Looking back at the success I have had in my life, I can attribute each victory to key people who took a chance on me and taught me how to rise to the top. From principles of leadership to the structure of industry, I have been blessed to have someone to lean on and even model a successful life after. I have striven in my life to return those experiences in as much as I am able, but I am noticing fewer people who want to be great. Rather, we are happy working hourly at Starbucks and living at home.

Let’s have a moment of truth.

Your parents want you to move on and have a successful life.

It’s true. Ask them.

All jesting aside, it is important that we work together in helping each other to succeed.

We have already lost too many good members of our community, and we can no longer stand to loose any more. The fight for equality and equal rights is a dream on the verge of reality and we need strong leaders and citizens. We need people who are strong, driven, and ambitious to lead the next chapter. This is a delicate balancing act requiring us to rise above who we are and work together in being successful.

It will not happen overnight, but in time it will come together. I would guess that we are all familiar with the song, “Holding Out For A Hero,” let’s not make it “holding out for a mentor.” The sooner we act the sooner we will see results. Q Have a question for Mr. Manners? Email manners@qsaltlake.com

march 2015 | issue 241 | gaysaltlake.com

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 51

gay writes

Nasty, nasty, moo-moo lady

BY BOB BORGOGNO

As usual,

we were finishing off our morning vodka. My boyfriend Rick, who had piercing ice-blue eyes to go with his dark hair and his high-schoolwrestler’s body, looked over at me and asked, “Are you ready to go to the vitamin store?”

This was his way of saying “liquor store.”

I took the last sip out of my glass, put on my shoes, and said, “I’m ready. Do you have your wallet?”

He checked his pockets and said, “No. Will you look over there?”

It was slightly covered by Inches magazine. “Found it,” I said, and off we went.

Neither one of us felt like walking down the street for six blocks, so we decided to take the train. In the end, it would only save us two blocks of walking. The train pulled up just as we got to the platform, and five minutes later we were at our stop.

It was going to be a beautiful day! The sun was just starting to warm up the spring morning as we began to walk the final two blocks to our destination. We were both slightly buzzed and laughing about Rick’s dad and how he used to pee anywhere and everywhere when the urge hit him. There is something about springtime that has strange affects on people.

When we were about half a block away from the liquor store, there was a large — I estimated a 293-pound — woman crossing the street. She stumbled over the curb and onto the sidewalk. As we got closer, we could plainly see she had been waiting a long time for the liquor store to open.

She was wearing a heavily stained moo-moo, or maybe

it was just various shades of yellow and brown. Her short, light brown hair was all ratty and nappy looking and had a few leaves in it here and there.

This wasn’t anything unusual to see; however, as we closed the gap between her and us, we could clearly see small chunks under her mouth, down her chin, and on the part of her moo-moo that covered her hefty left tit.

It looked like she had been in a cottage cheese eating contest! Rick and I stopped, we were speechless, and we tried to figure out if what we were seeing was actually real. Then to confirm she was real, she asked in a drunken garble, “Do you have any toilet paper? I think I shit myself.“ This was the most repulsively hilarious thing I had every seen in my life!

“Nope,” Rick said and we started walking again. We laughed so hard we had to lean on each other to keep from falling down.

We stopped outside the liquor store to gain our composure. Then we went in and purchased our usual half gallon of the second cheapest vodka they sold. We wouldn’t normally be so cheap, but we also had to place our order with our freelance pharmaceuticals agent.

When we started walking back the way we came, we decided to take the bus that stopped a little way up the street. In all her glory, moo-moo lady was at the stop talking to three other people. I figured she was still searching for some toilet paper or any paper for that matter, so I tore off a large piece of the paper bag our vodka was in. Then I went up and held it out to her. She looked at it slightly confused

and asked, “What am I gonna do with that?”

I replied, “I thought you needed some paper.”

“Toilet paper!” she snapped back.

While laughing hysterically, I walked back to where Rick was standing. “Oh my god!” I said, “I hope this bus comes soon!” It did about two minutes after I said that. Rick and I got on, then three people that had been there when we got there, and Christ on a cracker, the bus driver let that nasty moo-moo lady on, too!

Ugh! She stank up the entire bus and traveling by bus would take the longest to get us back to Rick’s apartment.

We finally got home. Rick poured us a drink, and we went over the excursion we had been on.

“Shit, man” Rick said, “you’ve got to start carrying a camera.” Q Gay Writes is a DiverseCity Series writing group, a program of SLCC’s Community Writing Center. The group meets the 2nd and 4th Monday of each month, 6:30 to 8 pm, 210 E. 400 South, Ste. 8, Salt Lake.

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52 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

gaysaltlake.com | issue 241 | march 2015

the frivolist

Reading Rainbow: 10 LGBT books to bide your time until summer

BY MIKEY ROX

Since

Punxsutawney Phil went and ruined all our plans for an early spring, we’ve got a couple more weeks of winter to endure. That makes this the perfect time to stay indoors, curl up on the couch, and whisk yourself away to Fantasy Land with these fresh LGBT literary finds.

‘ILLUSIONS’ BY S.A. OZMENT Does coming out in Hollywood hurt your career? Some stars say yes (Rupert Everett will talk your ear off about it), while others have gracefully transitioned from working actor in the closet to still-working actor (with even better roles) out of it. That’s just one of the facets of “Illusions,” a story about television star Skylar Murphy who’s poised to make it big – but not without a few complications along the way. Skylar’s life is turned upside down when he meets Aiden Moore, an openly gay firefighter, at a launch party for his new show. But while Aiden initially rejects Skylar (something he’s not used to), fate keeps their paths crossing when Skylar is the victim of an arson that sets of a threatening chain of events.

‘BEAU, LEE, THE BOMB, & ME’ BY MARY MCKINLEY Snow day have your teen stuck inside?

Hand them a copy of “Beau, Lee, The Bomb, & Me,” author Mary McKinley’s debut young adult novel that confronts several topical issues like obesity, bullying and being gay. When the going gets tough, Rusty Winters – a sarcastic but vulnerable girl with a wicked wit – finds solace in her friends, including new kid Beau Gales, whose welcome to town isn’t so warm, as they set off on a road trip to escape the harsh realities at home.

‘THE CONSCIOUS SEXUAL SELF WORKBOOK’ BY MELISSA JEBIAN FRITCHLE Consider “The Conscious Sexual Self Workbook” an anti-“Kama Sutra.” Because rather than focus on the sexual relationship between you and your partner, this handy guide encourages you to explore your own sexual history, values and desires.

Are you truly in tune with what you want from the intimacy you experience? Are you

missing out on erotic situations because you’re embarrassed or hesitant to explore?

Let your guard down and pursue a better sex life that starts with you.

‘LADYBOY AND THE VOLUNTEER’

BY SUSANNE ASPLEY Susan is like any other new graduate who jets off to Southeast Asia to “find herself” – naïve. Initially she fills her downtime while volunteering in Thailand with typical American recreation – drinking; trying to find a tall, dark and handsome Western man in a sea of shorties – but when she crosses paths with transgender Thai prostitute Christine, her world gets a whole lot bigger as the two embark on adventures with a cast of quirky characters and lifechanging events.

‘NOW AND YESTERDAY’

BY STEPHEN GRECO Much is made about romantic relationships between partners with a noticeable generational gap – can we stop calling the older guy “daddy” already, please? – and Stephen Greco’s new novel explores the modern nuances of these gay partnerships and what it takes for them to succeed. The reader hears both sides of the fictional love story of 28-year-old literary hopeful Will and the getting-up-there Peter within the backdrop of New York City past and present.

‘THE REBELLION OF MISS LUCY ANN LOBDELL’ BY WILLIAM KLABER How do you make it in a man’s world if you’re a woman? When it’s 1855 and women’s rights are all but nonexistent, you dress like a dude and take what’s yours.

That’s what the real-life Lucy Lobdell did on the frontier just as the Gold Rush was coming to an end. But her decision to leave her young daughter and family behind in search of a better life has bitter consequences – like public scorn, physical violence and answering to the law. This fictional take on Lobdell’s life includes newspapers articles and sources from the true life of this courageous woman who was way ahead of her time.

‘ROADKILL’ BY ALEXANDRA ALLRED You can pick up the new YA novel-nomenon du jour about a not-so-distant dystopian future – seriously, is society doomed to a life of depression? – or you can pick up this murder-mystery series starring Allie Lindell, stay-at-home lesbian mom turned detective, which kicks off with “Roadkill.” There are three existing books in this serial whodunit with two more additions scheduled for release this summer and fall, respectively.

‘THE TALK SHOW’ BY JOE WENKE Celebrated New York Times reporter Jack Winthrop is in trouble. After agreeing to collaborate on controversial talk show host Abraham Lincoln Jones’ “Emancipation Tour,” he’s found himself in the crosshairs of a crazed stalker who’s putting everybody’s life in danger. Even Jones’ unconventional family – including Rita Harvey, the transgender ex-priest and LGBT activist; Slow Mo, the larger-than-life vegetarian bouncer; Donna the stripper; and Jones’ lover, media expert Danielle Jackson – are targets of the madman. Can Winthrop uncover the truth before it’s too late? Put on your investigative specs and get lost in this fast-paced and gritty thriller

by Joe Wenke.

‘THE MANSERVANT’ BY MICHAEL HARWOOD While all your sexually deprived and desperate friends are lining up in the cold for the film version of “50 Shades of Grey,” you can stay cozy in the comfort of your own home with “The Manservant,” a modern-day comedy of manners based on the audacious experiences of Michael Hardwood, personal chef to Britain’s aristocracy. For this fictionalized tale, dive

SEX | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 53

march 2015 | issue 241 | gaysaltlake.com

into the down-and-dirty world of a dashing butler who discreetly carries out his master’s requests – and, yes, it includes a paddle.

tagonist of Brent Hartinger’s 2003 novel “Geography Club” (there’s now a film adaptation, too; great pick for LGBT movie night with your friends) – returns in “The Thing I Didn’t Know I Didn’t Know,” the first in a new series for adults.

At age 23, Russell’s living in trendy Seattle but lacks the direction and drive that seems to come easy to his friends. Enter blast-from-the-past Kevin, his high school boyfriend; eccentric screenwriter Vernie Rose, who’s vying for Russell’s attention; and Gunner, Russell’s BFF ready to set out on a search for Bigfoot. Each give Russell a lot to think about. Q

‘THE THING I DIDN’T KNOW I DIDN’T KNOW’

BY BRENT HARTINGER

Mikey Rox is an award-winning journal-

Russell Middlebrook – who you may remember as the pro-

the world. Connect with Mikey on Twitter

ist and blogger whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across @mikeyrox.

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54 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD

gaysaltlake.com | issue 241 | march 2015

the perils of petunia pap smear

PUZZLE SOLUTIONS

This experience leaves us with several important questions: 1. How do you sanitize keys?

2. What kind of story is Mister Cutie going to be telling his friends?

3. I washed my hands until they were raw, do you think that is enough?

4. Should I offer to lead a Boy Scout troop of up-and-coming princesses?

5. Should I develop and market a nail file fit for whittling branches?

6. Was it the carpel tunnel that caused me to drop the keys or a subconscious need for adventure?

These and other eternal questions shall be answered in future chapters of The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear.

Cryptogram: I PROBABLY WOULD RESPECTFULLY DECLINE. IT’S NOT SOMETHING I WOULD WANT TO DO.

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8 5 1 7 3 2 6 9 4

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Anagram: GOVERNOR HERBERT

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Finally, in frenzied desperation, with no other option in sight, I wrinkled up my nose and stuck my hand into the surprisingly icy cold, fetid, stinking water.

Let me make an obvious statement: Rest-area thrones are not designed for a queen. I guess I should not be surprised, as the privacy divides are never large enough to facilitate the rapturous grandeur of a voluminous hoop skirt in full frill mode. Nonetheless, whoever designed them made the drain pipe too small to accommodate an adult male hand, even one not wearing Lee Press-On Nails. In hindsight, I have come to believe that this fact may help explain why public restrooms are so often wretchedly clogged. God forbid some poor sucker produces a really large turd. It can result in a stoppage that would resemble the 1982 landslide which dammed the Spanish Fork river, thereby drowning the town of Thistle, Utah.

This occasion really could have been a literal “OH SHIT Moment” but luckily I had ceased performing bodily functions at number one, without proceeding on to number two.

I exited the stall and looked for something to reach down into the toilet with to fish the keys out. Damn it, nothing usable in sight. With anxiety quickly rising, I went outside to find something useful. I saw some bushes behind the building. Excitedly, I remembered from my Boy Scout days, I could fashion a Dutch Oven moving pot grabber and a weenie roasting stick out of such branches.

Just then, a drop-dead gor-

7 9 5 6 8 3 2 1 4

to Logan can be fraught with danger and excitement.

A few years ago, I was returning home to Logan from the Salt lake Men’s Choir concert. It was nearing midnight. I was tired, and I stopped at the Brigham City rest area.

Now, before your filthy minds dream up all sorts of images of lurid rest-stop shenanigans, let me assure you that I really did have to pee.

Now, I’ve always been entertained, and I might add a little bit titillated, by the grafilthy that some adventurous “authors” compose on bathroom stall walls. In fact, I hold in special regard, those essays which were able to rhyme. So given the choice, I usually elect to use a stall rather than a urinal, if only for the expansive literary opportunities.

On this particular occasion, the writers had been very prolific. Thus, after my own personal bodily function was finished, I dare say that I tarried longer than the requisite three-shakes-and-a-zip, in order that I might be able to read the “advertisements.”

Long story short — while fishing for the toilet paper (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it) I lost hold of my car keys and, to my horror, they went plop straight into the toilet.

I panicked. This was very serious as that is the one and only ignition key that existed for Queertanic, (my powder blue, 1975 Buick Electra land yacht). Dumbfounded, I just stared down into the filthy, disgusting and unflushed toilet for at least two minutes.

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The road

His expression was a combination of disbelief and disgust.

I retreated back outside and finally found a suitable twig. I passed Mister Cutie exiting the facility while on my way back in. His facial expression had progressed to terror. Trying to prove that I was legitimate, I showed him my stick. He broke into a run, leaving me alone at the entrance. As I re-entered the restroom, I heard his car tires actually squeal as he sped out of the parking lot.

It took five frustrating minutes of trial and error, and much muttering of swear words, before I was able to fish the keys out.

2 4 9 5 3 8 1 7 6

BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR

geous 20-something guy with bulging muscles in all the right places started walking toward the restroom. Under normal circumstances, my instinct would be to reverse my course and follow him into the restroom, hoping to catch his eye.

Then with any luck, upon exiting the throne room, perhaps I could strike up some flirtatious banter with the Adonis, thereby getting his number; or better yet, arranging a discreet, yet torrid assignation. However, of all nights, in full panic mode, I overrode baser instincts and let caution be my guide.

I feared he might flush the throne containing my keys, so I abandoned the twig idea and performed the stereotypical cruising move of circling back, and returning to the restroom following him in (just like any self respecting rest area cruising troll would). Indeed, as my darkest fears began to come to fruition, he started to enter the “STALL OF GREAT PERIL.” Now remember, it was midnight at a rest area and in the 1980s when rest areas were known to host excessive amounts of cruising.

I think I scared the shit out of the stud when I rushed in behind him, touched him on the shoulder and pleaded, “Please don’t use this stall. Use the other one, because I’ve dropped my keys in this one.”

5 8 1 9 6 7 4 2 3

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