salt lake magazine
UTAH’S GAY, LESBIAN, BISEXUAL, TRANSGENDER AND ALLY
April 2015 Issue 242 GaySaltLake.com FREE
Nondiscrimination passes the Utah Legislature
What does it mean?
THE HOT SARDINES
APRIL 11, 2015
Foot-stomping (there’s even a tap dancer), brassy jazz sizzles as this eight-member group resurrects the music of the 1920s, ’30s and ’40s. All the elements are here: a killer brass lineup; a rhythm section led by a stride-piano virtuoso; and a Parisianborn-and-bred front-woman, who sings and writes in English and French. “…One of the best jazz bands in NY today,” Forbes.
SPONSORED BY
Avis Badami
ALONZO KING LINES BALLET
APRIL 25, 2015
“The most sophisticated modernism in classical dance,” Los Angeles Times, this 11-member troupe performs a bold and poetic mixed repertory evening. The show’s centerpiece is a new collaborative work inspired by the animal soundscapes of bio-acoustician Dr. Bernie Krause – sonic recordings that serve as critical barometers of global environmental health. Alonzo King is “one of the few bona fide visionaries in the ballet world today” San Francisco Chronicle. SPONSORED BY
Phyllis & Brooks Robinson Leslie Murdock, Josh Grotstein, Max & Margot
Shows start at 7:30pm · Tickets from $20 · Box Office 435-655-3114 · ecclescenter.org 1750 Kearns Boulevard, Park City
The 2014-2015 Eccles Center Main Stage Season is a Program of Park City Institute - A Nonprofit Organization
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Saturday, April 17th 8pm to Midnight
Thank You to Our Generous Sponsor:
Tickets on Sale @ Utah Pride Center or at UtahPrideCenter.org $5 in advance For LGBTQ and Ally Youth $10 at the door Ages 14-20 Art By: Ella Deiss
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Federal Judge Won’t Stay Order in Alabama Gay-Marriage Case A federal judge is not backing off her order to an Alabama probate judge that he must issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples. U.S. District Judge Callie Granade on Monday refused to stay her order to Mobile County Probate Judge Don Davis. Granade in January ruled that Alabama’s gay-marriage ban is unconstitutional and told Davis that he could not refuse licenses because of a couple’s sexual orientation. The Alabama Supreme Court, however, issued a ruling earlier this month telling all probate judges to refuse to issue the licenses. Granade said the “overwhelming consensus” of courts across the country is that the bans are unconstitutional. Following the state Supreme Court decision, Davis shut down all marriage-license operations altogether to avoid running afoul of either order.
Dolce and Gabbanna blast alternative families, draw protests Designers Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana, a one-time couple, said in an interview that in-vitro fertilization led to “synthetic” children and that gay people could not be parents. The response was fast and furious across the globe, beginning in their home country of Italy and bolstered by Sir Elton John, who took offense, saying, “How dare you refer to my beautiful children as ‘synthetic ... And shame on you for wagging your judgmental little fingers at IVF — a miracle that has allowed legions of loving people, both straight and gay, to fulfil their dream of having children. Your archaic thinking is out of step with the times, just like your fashions. I shall never wear Dolce and Gabbana ever again. #BoycottDolceGabbana” In a 2006 interview, Gabbana said he wanted to have a child via artificial insemination himself. “I want my own child, a biological child, the fruit of my sperm, conceived through artificial insemination because it wouldn’t make sense for me to make love to a woman I don’t love,” he said then.
Mother of bisexual Jamaican asylum seeker is terrified her son will be stoned to death Vienna Brown, the mother of 33-year-old Orashia Edwards, is preparing to hear the final judgment of her son’s asylum case on
news The top things you should know happened last month (Full stories at gaysaltlake.com.) April 15. She is not optimistic. In previous judgments, courts have ruled Edwards is ‘dishonest’ about his sexuality. Brown says at a recent interview, Edwards was asked for the date of birth of a man he had once dated years ago in Antigua and got it wrong. Even though his Antiguan ex-boyfriend had confirmed by letter that Edwards was telling the truth, it was not enough for the officials. Some activists believe government officials won’t grant bisexual people asylum, saying there is an attitude that they could ‘pass’ in their home country. Brown fears for her son’s mental health after he saw reports of a young Jamaican man being stoned to death for being gay last month.
‘We just need to pee’ transgender protest Transgender activists are taking public toilet selfies to illustrate the absurdity of laws across the United States and Canada that require people to use public restrooms of their borth gender. Michael Hughes, a trans* man living in Rochester, Minn., is one of those using the tactic. On Twitter, he posts selfies with female friends standing behind him in women’s public toilets. Hashtags like #weneedtopee and #occupotty (shared around 4,000 and 2,000 times each) have
been created for the campaign. “So I come in, go right to the mirror with a female friend behind me, and we quickly get the selfie, and get back out before anybody comes in and gets startled by my presence in the women’s restroom,” he told American television network KTTC. “I’m hoping that even the most conservative lawmakers and voters will be able to look at them, take a step back.”
Gay Groups March at Last in Boston St. Patrick’s Day Parade Boston’s St. Patrick’s Day parade made history this year as two gay and lesbian groups marched after decades of opposition that went all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court. The gay military veterans service group OutVets and the gay rights group Boston Pride were invited by the sponsoring South Boston Allied War Veterans Council to the annual celebration of military veterans and Irish heritage. “We march today for the memories of those thousands and thousands of people who went before us, some who went to their graves in the closet,” OutVets founder and leader Bryan Bishop, an Air Force veteran, told his group before the parade. The Allied War Council’s current leaders voted 5-4 in December to welcome OutVets as one of about 100 groups in this year’s parade.
New Jersey Catholic school teacher rants against gays Patricia Jannuzzi, a religion teacher at Somerville’s Immaculata High School, made headlines in march after she argued that gays “want to reengineer western civ (sic) into a slow extinction” as part of their “agenda” in a post on her now-deleted Facebook profile. “We need healthy families with a mother and a father for the sake of the children and humanity!!!!!” she wrote alongside a Young Conservatives article about lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender rights advocate Dan Savage urging Republican presidential hopeful Ben Carson to prove that homosexuality is a choice. Jannuzzi’s remarks sparked a media firestorm, forcing school officials to place her on administrative leave and make her to deactivate her Facebook page, saying the comments had been “completely inconsistent with our policy and position as a Catholic Christian community.”
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Huntsman signs on to conservative appeal for same-sex marriage Former Republican National Committee Chairman Ken Mehlman, now the head of a group called Project Right Side which wants to improve the political climate for gays and lesbians, filed a brief to the U.S. Supreme Court in its upcoming decision on same-sex marriage, signed by 303 Republican, conservative, Libertarian and centerright current and past political officials. Those signing included former Utah governor and presidential candidate Jon Huntsman, numerous officials with Mitt Romney and John McCain’s presidential campaigns, former Republican candidate for California governor Meg Whitman, U.S. Sen. Susan Collins of Maine, Massachusetts Gov. Charlie Baker, U.S. Army Gen. Stanley McChrystal, former Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz, former Homeland Security Secretary and Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Ridge, business-
man and political activist David Koch, former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani and many others. The brief says those signing “share the view that laws that bar same-sex couples from the institution of civil marriage, with all its attendant profoundly important rights and responsibilities, are inconsistent with the United States Constitution’s dual promises of equal protection and due process. The marriage bans challenged here, like the act at issue in Windsor, target gay and lesbian couples and their families for injurious governmental treatment.” “The bans are accordingly inconsistent with (our) understanding of the properly limited role of government,” the brief reads. “There is a need for more Americans to choose to participate in the institution of marriage. Yet these bans, by denying each member of an entire class of Ameri-
GetEQUAL launches LGBTQ Bill of Rights The effort to win marriage equality has helped to humanize lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans* people across the country. It also, says GetEQUAL co-directors Angela Peoples and Heather Cronk, has also put many community members in a “very uncomfortable box in which marriage is the only ‘acceptable’ framework in which we can fit.” To break out of those restrictions, they say, there is a need to push for equality under the law, regardless of relationship status, economic status, or geography. “Last year, we held listening sessions across the country in all of the communities where we have local organizing groups, the directors said in a statement. “What we heard was nearly unanimous — we need full equality. We need to prioritize an agenda that moves beyond a simple marriage/employment framework to more accurately reflect folks’ real lived experiences and needs. “We need an LGBTQ Bill of Rights.” Members of the community who agree are asked to sign onto the Bill of Rights at a website set up at noasterisks.org. Here is part of the LGBTQ Bill of Rights: PREAMBLE LGBTQ Americans have given our blood, sweat, and tears to the innovation, social movements, intellect, and creativity that has driven this country forward since its inception — despite fighting bigotry, discrimination, and exclusion
from all sides. Our community’s contribution and sacrifice have been ignored and erased for hundreds of years. Our lives continue to be treated as expendable and our right to dignity viewed as debatable. We, the people who fear for our safety and fight for our dignity every day in restaurants, restrooms, streets, schools, homes, and hospitals across this country, demand protection. We, the transgender women of color whose brutal murders go unnoticed, unreported, and swept under the rug, demand liberation. We, the transgender men who will die of cancer because we are denied basic medical treatment due to a record of transition care, demand access. We, the black gender-nonconforming teenagers who are profiled, arrested and placed in solitary confinement, demand justice. We, the lesbian married mothers in rural America living in fear that the mere mention of our family will lead to unemployment and homelessness, demand equity. We, the undocumented queer immigrants who are sexually assaulted, humiliated and abused while detained by the government charged with protecting us, demand freedom. We, the people, must and will have full equality — for our lives and on our terms. For too long, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people living in the United States have been forced to live on the margins of society
can citizens the right to marry the person he or she loves, discourage those important family values.” The brief goes on to state the signors “have concluded that marriage is strengthened, and its value to society and to individual families and couples is promoted, by providing access to civil marriage for all American couples — heterosexual or gay or lesbian alike.” Q with a patchwork of rights that leaves the most marginalized in our community to fall through the cracks. As we approach the 225th anniversary of the U.S. Constitution and the 224th anniversary of the Bill of Rights — the document that outlined the specific rights extended to (some) Americans — we demand that this country live up to the values espoused in the nation’s founding documents. This LGBTQ Bill of Rights is intended to fill in the gaps that the Framers of the Constitution missed — and to set the tone for a comprehensive LGBTQ equality bill that will guarantee those rights under the law. This Bill of Rights reflects the recommendations, lived experiences, and deeply personal stories of LGBTQ people from every corner of this country, representing a wide variety of identities, needs, and challenges. These principles are areas of law and policy where the federal government could take action today to bring more people under the umbrella of equal protection and access under the law. BILL OF RIGHTS 1. Equal access to public accommodations and public facilities Decades ago, the U.S. Supreme Court decided that “separate but equal” access to public accommodations runs counter to the U.S. Constitution. However, LGBTQ Americans still face a pervasive reality across the country that discriminatory restaurant managers, hotel staff, or business owners could refuse them service at any time. Given the prevalence of new “reliHUNTSMAN PHOTO: GAGE SKIDMORE
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gious discrimination” laws in state legislatures from coast to coast, being pushed forward by religious conservatives trying to carve out mechanisms to legally discriminate, LGBTQ Americans must have assurances from the federal government that public accommodations and public facilities are open to all. 2. Employment protections Across the country, LGBTQ Americans face widespread and persistent discrimination in the workplace due to a patchwork of local and state protections that create confusion for LGBTQ workers as well as employers. Recent decisions by the EEOC have provided some degree of protection, but only for those who are able and willing to file a complaint and endure the lengthy, and sometimes costly complaint process. LGBTQ Americans need to know that the workplace is a place to do a job and go home, rather than a place of harassment or a place that will not welcome them in the first place. 3. Flexibility in securing/changing forms of identification in public/private records For many LGBTQ Americans, defining one’s own identity is a core element of being able to fully participate in the fabric of their community. Being defined each day by identity documents that do not reflect one’s name, and therefore that do not reflect one’s lived experience, is not just inconvenient — for many people, it’s a matter of life and death. All people should have the right to define their own identity, and therefore to define their identity documents. 4. Fair and equal treatment within the justice system without police harassment, profiling or brutality In cities and towns across the country, LGBTQ Americans encounter the police — and those encounters should generate trust and respect. To the contrary, those encounters — especially for those who are transgender and/or people of color — are often insulting, offensive, and dangerous. Police should be a source of help in communities, rather than a source of fear, brutality, danger, or death. Everyone — including LGBTQ Americans, political asylees, and refugees — need federal protections to guarantee against police harassment, police profiling, and police brutality. There are also times when LGBTQ individuals call on the police for help and those calls go unanswered — or the calls are mocked, ridiculed, or ignored. And there are times when LGBTQ individuals are arrested or detained — and subsequently harassed, abused, and mistreated. We believe that restorative justice is needed in order to both break down the prison industrial complex that criminalizes so many LGBTQ people and to rebuild trust within our communities. 5. Affordable and inclusive access to healthcare access and service Access to affordable and comprehensive healthcare, administered by culturally-competent and
inclusive doctors and nurses, is a basic human right — and it is often denied to LGBTQ Americans. Though the Affordable Care Act has helped make some services more affordable, it is still nearly impossible in many areas of the country to see a doctor under the ACA who will provide healthcare services to LGBTQ Americans without judgement — including hormonal and surgical transition for those who desire it. For many LGBTQ Americans, affordable and inclusive healthcare services are a lifeand-death issue — and they are currently not being fully served by the U.S. healthcare system. 6. Equal access to safe, affordable housing Without feeling safe in one’s own home, it is nearly impossible for an individual to thrive in a community. Unsurprisingly, a vast majority of homeless LGBTQ youth identify their family’s religion (and subsequently their family’s rejection of them) as the primary reason for their homelessness. Hundreds of thousands of LGBTQ youth live on the streets of this country at any given time, kicked out of their homes by close-minded parents and forced to fend for themselves, while many LGBTQ adults live in fear of discriminatory landlords who could throw them out of a house or apartment at any time. LGBTQ individuals must have access to safe and affordable housing — and when access to housing is stripped from us by bigoted parents or landlords, we must have access to safe and inclusive temporary shelter. The alternative — unsafe homes or unsafe shelter — is often a death sentence. 7. Equal and humane treatment in immigration without detention or deportation, and with adequate asylum provisions For undocumented LGBTQ Americans, life is full of fear. Whether it’s fear of mistreatment in one’s community, with no recourse from law enforcement, to fear of detention and deportation, often to a country that is unsafe for LGBTQ individuals, undocumented LGBTQ Americans are caught in multiple oppressive systems. And since both ICE and for-profit detention centers have been proven over and over again to be unable to keep folks safe in detention — often resulting in abuse, torture, solitary confinement, rape, and even death — it is time to end the detention and deportation of undocumented LGBTQ Americans, and to ensure that LGBTQ asylum-seekers are fully welcomed to the United States. 8. Equal access to family planning and formation The ability to plan and form one’s family is a core human right — but it is not a right extended to LGBTQ Americans. For those who choose to form a family by adopting or giving birth to a child, the stress of extra financial burdens and discrimination is often overwhelming and deeply personal. LGBTQ Americans must have the right to form families in a way that is respectful and authentic.
Additionally, the right to choose when to have a child and when not to have a child must be a guaranteed right under the law for everyone. LGBTQ individuals become pregnant for many reasons — and sometimes need or want to terminate that pregnancy. LGBTQ individuals also require birth control for a variety of reasons that may or may not be part of their plan for family formation. In a world filled with inadequate healthcare, “corrective rape,” violence/abuse, and barriers to access, all people — including queer and trans people — need equal access to reproductive healthcare and abortion services. 9. Safe schools with inclusive curriculum For many young LGBTQ Americans, schools are a place of stress and exclusion rather than a place of learning and inclusion. From guaranteeing the safety of those inside the walls of a school to revising curricula to ensure that LGBTQ stories are restored after years of erasure, we must do a better job of creating a safe and inclusive school atmosphere so that all students can thrive. Too often, LGBTQ youth are driven to self-harm and/or suicide because of the abuse they experience within the walls of our nation’s schools — this is an abhorrent reality for far too many young people. 10. Marriage equality in all states, districts, and territories Imagine being married in one state, and being unmarried when you cross into another state. For many couples, that’s the reality they face each day. Because marriage equality is an unending patchwork of rights, protections, and benefits depending on where you live, where you work, where your employer’s HR office is located, or where you adopt a child, many families live in constant fear of not having the right paperwork in place to ensure that their family is fully legally protected under the law. LGBTQ Americans need full marriage equality in all states, districts, and territories in order to ensure full legal protection for couples and families across the country. CONCLUSION The Declaration of Independence guarantees all Americans the right to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” The U.S. Constitution guarantees all Americans equal protection under the law. In both instances, these fundamental American documents have not been applied to LGBTQ Americans — we have been omitted from these founding documents, and are demanding to be seated at the table of American democracy. Over the two centuries since the founding of this country, LGBTQ Americans have been part of writing some of the most fundamental chapters of American history — but have not yet been extended the rights and protections that have been extended to other Americans. It is past time for the United States of America to extend equal protection to all Americans. Q
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Utah Gov. Gary Herbert waves the signed bill SB296 at a rally in the Rotunda of the Utah State Capitol Building on the final day of the legislature.
Nondiscrimination laws years in the making signed into law BY MICHAEL AARON
Few bills have caused more grown men to cry while testifying at the Utah State Capitol than Senate Bill 296, Antidiscrimination and Religious Freedom Amendments. The bill is the outcome of over a decade of work by LGBT activists and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ statement that they favor efforts at passing nondiscrimination legislation, as long as it was paired with religious freedoms legislation. Weeks of late-night negotiations between church representatives, legislators on both sides of the aisle, representatives of Equality Utah, The National Center for Lesbian Rights, Human Rights Campaign and civil rights/religious rights legal specialist Robin Fretwell Wilson started with what those involved said was a mile-wide chasm. “There was a lot of people and a lot of faith that went into this particular bill,” House sponsor State Rep. Brad Dee (R-Ogden) said as he voice broke with emotion on the bill’s reading on the House floor. This is the eighth year the bill was proposed on Utah’s Capitol Hill. The first effort was proposed in 2008 by then-Rep. Christine Johnson (D-Salt Lake City). After she left the state to become the executive director of South Carolina Equality, Ben McAdams sponsored a similar bill. This is the third year Sen. Steve Urquhart (R-St. Utah Sen. Steve Urquhart, R-St. George, who sponsored the bill for the past three years, shakes hands with ralliers just before the bill signing.
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George) sponsored the measure. Last year, all bills were tabled by Republican legislative leaders as a challenge to District Judge Robert Shelby’s decision that Utah’s Amendment 3 and other laws blocking same-sex marriage were unconstitutional made its way through the courts. This year, SB196 passed both the Senate and the House overwhelmingly and was signed at a rally in the Utah Capitol Building Rotunda by Gov. Gary Herbert.
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? LGBT activists and Mormon Church leaders have historically been miles apart on ideology and distrustful of one another. Many gay male activists are all too aware of electroshock therapy, chemical therapy to induce vomiting and other “treatments” forced on students found to be gay at LDS Church-owned Brigham Young University in the 70s and 80s. Lesbians and gay men were counseled to marry someone of the opposite sex and “praying and fasting and abstaining” to rid themselves of homosexual desires. Indeed, church documents show involvement in the fighting against same-sex marriage as early as 1993 in Hawaii. But in 2003, as now-Sen. Jim Dabakis helped reorganize and revive the Utah Pride Center, he decided it was time to draft a letter to church leaders asking for a sit-down. They refused. In 2008, as the church led efforts to pass California’s Proposition 8 to ban same-sex marriage, Dabakis penned another letter. Another refusal. After Proposition 8 passed and gays, lesbians, bisexuals, trans* and allies flooded the streets around the Salt Lake City Temple, church leaders soon figured out that they had a public relations nightmare on their hands. Dabakis reached out again, and this time church leaders said yes. Five LGBT leaders, dubbed the “Gang of Five,” including Dabakis, Utah Pride Center’s Valerie Larabee, Equal-
ity Utah’s Brandie Balken and Stephanie Pappas, and Salt Lake City Human Rights Commission member Jon Jepsen, began meeting with LDS Church public affairs department officials Bill Evans and Michael Purdy. In 2009, LDS Church leaders surprised Salt Lake City residents and, indeed, the world when they announced in a Salt Lake City Council meeting that they supported the Equality Utah-backed nondiscrimination ordinances that protected LGBT residents in housing and employment. Six years of off-and-on talks later, and after weeks of latenight negotiations, those leaders stood at Utah’s Capitol Hill to release a rare statement of public support for a bill: SB296.
COMPROMISE All versions of nondiscrimination bills at city and county levels in Utah include religious exemptions. Much of SB296 reads very similar to the existing Salt Lake City ordinance. As the meetings of “stakeholders” began and all sides brought needs and concerns to the tables, about 13 “sticking points” were spelled out, Dabakis said. “As time went on, 13 became 10, which became five and then two,” he said a few days before the press conference on Capitol Hill. The sides were so close then that the press conference was scheduled, but had to be moved because legislative services didn’t finalize language in time. What the LGBT side needed was full and equal rights in employment and housing, with the caveat that businesses under 15 employees and rentals of four or less units could be excluded. Church leaders, on the other hand, needed to know that they wouldn’t have to perform samesex marriages, that their schools and businesses could continue to choose who worked there and demand that employees and student housing renters would live within church tenets. Church leaders also wanted to ensure that those speaking out
—Continued on next page
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Nondiscrimination Laws Continued from previous page or contributing to causes related to their sincere religious beliefs would not face repercussions such as the loss of their job for doing so. That protection also covers the inverse, where an
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LGBT person could not be fired for expressing their concerns or revealing that they are in a samesex relationship. Off the table was protections for LGBT people in public accommodations. In fact, Sen. Dabakis agreed to back off his introduced bill that offered
offered no protections to gay and transgender Utahns, and yet at the same time used the banner of religious liberty to drive a truck through our state’s civil rights laws,” Rosky said. “It would have destroyed protections for religious and racial minorities, while not giving anything to the LGBT community.”
such protections as part of the compromise. People on both sides of this bill believe that their side gave up too much. Elder D. Todd Christofferson of the LDS Church’s Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, “It is better that both sides get most of what is desired than to have a winner-take-all where one side loses.”
MODEL FOR THE COUNTRY? Some groups monitoring the religious right are concerned that Utah has opened the door to expansion of religious liberties bills and the overturning of gains made since the Civil Rights act of 1964. “It’s important for people to remember that this is a milestone in Utah, but it’s not a model for the country,” Rosky said. “There are many features of Utah law that are really quite unique because of the church’s history in founding the state. “The exemptions for religious organizations are broader than any other state in the country, and they were before the law.”
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Equality Utah board president Cliff Rosky was one of those people at the table during negotiations over the bill. He lauds the bill’s outcome as more than a simple message of equality. “There are real, tangible benefits,” he said in an interview with KUER’s RadioWest. “There’s nothing intangible about being unemployed or homeless.” Rosky said that, at the beginning of the session, there was a very real threat to the LGBT community in Rep. LaVar Christensen’s version of a Religious Rights bill. Christensen is very aligned to the ultra-conservative Eagle Forum and Sutherland Institute and was the author of Utah’s Amendment 3 — the constitutional amendment that defined marriage as only between a man and a woman and disallowed state sanction of civil unions. “LaVar Christensen’s HB322
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CHURCH INVOLVEMENT Many in our community are still distrusting of the LDS Church, but they also know that, had the church not stated its support, this bill would not have become law, and may have been decades until it did so. The question remains, are these protections worth the cost? Q
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What you need to know about the new law protecting LGBT people from discrimination BY EQUALITY UTAH
WHAT DOES SB 296 DO? The new law prohibits discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity in housing and employment in Utah. It adds sexual orientation and gender identity to the existing law against discrimination, which already covers discrimination based on race, color, sex, pregnancy or childbirth, national origin, age or disability. This means that gay and transgender people in Utah no longer need fear being fired or refused a job just because of who they are or whom they love. WHO DOES IT PROTECT? The law protects everyone in Utah from discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity, including whether someone is lesbian, gay, bisexual, straight, transgender, or gender non-conforming. It also prohibits discrimination because of someone’s perceived sexual orientation or gender identity. WHAT EMPLOYERS ARE COVERED BY THE NEW LAW? The law applies to all employers in Utah that employ more than 15 employers, along with employment agencies, the state of Utah, and local governments and school districts. It does not apply to religious organizations, including religious education institutions, or affiliates, or wholly-owned subsidiaries of religious organizations. And it doesn’t apply to the Boy Scouts of America, its councils, chapters or subsidiaries. WHAT ABOUT RELIGIOUS firstadforQ.pdf 1 3/12/2015 12:01:06 PM
ORGANIZATIONS, LIKE CHURCHES, OR CHURCH-AFFILIATED ORGANIZATIONS? Utah’s existing nondiscrimination law already
exempted religious organizations from the employment nondiscrimination law. These organizations are allowed to discriminate based on characteristics like race, sex, or disability. Adding sexual orientation and gender identity protections to the law did not change that. The law does not create any new exemptions or any that apply only to sexual orientation or gender identity. DOES IT ALLOW TRANSGENDER PEOPLE TO USE RESTROOMS CONSISTENT WITH THEIR GENDER IDENTITY AT WORK? Yes. The law allows employers to have separate restrooms for men and women. It also makes clear that reasonable restroom access must be allowed at work consistent with a person’s gender identity. Similarly, the law also allows employers to have reasonable dress codes, but makes clear that people are to be able to wear the dress code consistent with their gender identity. WHAT ABOUT BUSINESSES, LIKE STORES, MOVIE THEATERS OR RESTAURANTS? As employers, these businesses are covered by the law. But SB 296 does not apply to places of public accommodation in their interactions with the public. We are committed to passing robust public accommodation protections for LGBT people as quickly as possible. WHAT DO THE NEW HOUSING PROTECTIONS MEAN? The law prohibits discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity in the sale or rental of housing. This also includes advertising, pricing, and real-estate related transactions like loans, and broker services. It also applies to discrimination not just because
of your own sexual orientation and gender identity, but because of association with someone else based on their sexual orientation or gender identity. This means you can’t be refused housing or evicted because you have gay or transgender friends or family members visit. WHO IS EXEMPT FROM THE NEW HOUSING PROTECTIONS? The housing discrimination laws don’t apply to the rental of a room in a single-family house, or to sales or rental of single-family homes by private individuals if they don’t use a broker, and only own a small number of properties. The law also allows religious organizations to have either a preference or limitation based on religion, sex, sexual orientation and gender identity for the sale, rental or occupancy of their housing. When does SB 296 go into effect? The law goes into effect 60 days after the Governor’s signature, May 11th 2015. CAN PEOPLE STILL FILE A DISCRIMINATION COMPLAINT UNDER A LOCAL ORDINANCE? It depends. For housing and employment discrimination, SB 296 is the exclusive remedy. For other kinds of discrimination, SB 296 doesn’t change the existing remedies under local ordinances like the Salt Lake City ordinance. WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I EXPERIENCE DISCRIMINATION? If you believe you have experienced discrimination in employment or housing based on your sexual orientation and gender identity, you may file a complaint with the Utah Labor Commission. There are deadlines for filing a claim, and other important facts to consider. You should consider contacting a lawyer with experience in these kinds of claims. Q
16 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS
gaysaltlake.com | issue 242 | april 2015
Pride Parade accepting entries Registration for floats, marchers and cars entering the 2015 Utah Pride Festival Parade is open at utahpridefestival.org/ parade. The parade will be held on Sunday, June 7th and kicks off at 10 a.m. The theme this year is “Pride Is...” which gives a lot
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Q mmunity Swirl into Spring
The women’s group, Swirl, will be holding a concert with Renee Plant and vocalist Alicia Faith. The event is free and open to all ages. WHEN: April 3, 7:30–10pm WHERE: Utah Pride Center multipurpose room, 255 E 400 South
Pre-LDS Conference LGBT fireside Affirmation’s third annual pregeneral conference fireside and social on will feature LGBT children and their parents sharing their experiences with family inclusiveness and acceptance. Also, the movie “Families are Forever,” a documentary about how a LDS family accepts their gay son, will be shown and a complimentary copy of the film will be given to every family or individual in attendance. Participants are encouraged to invite their parents and other family members to attend WHEN: April 3, 7:30pm WHERE: University of Utah Officers’ Club, 150 Fort Douglas Blvd. COST: $10 suggested donation
I Forgive: A Queer Mormon Event As the LDS Church moves into a new phase of cooperativity with the queer community, the hard work of forgiveness, reparation, and reconciliation needs direct action, event prganizers say.
of latitude of what you can do. Standard pricing is available through April 18, at $375 for a business, bar, or political organization and $175 for nonprofits and social groups. After April 18, the prices go up to $475 and $250, respectively, through May 2.
Stones with the simple message “I forgive” written on one side, with attendees having the opportunity to write a transgression, violation, or wound they have suffered from the LDS Church on the other side, will be cast into a ‘pop-up altar of forgiveness’ and papers and prayer sticks with our intentions and hopes for healing written on them will be burned. WHERE: City Creek Park. WHEN: Sunday, April 5, 11 a.m. INFO: bit.ly/iforgivelds
First Sunday Bingo BBQ Petunia Pap Smear has been on her knees, “begging and pleading” with Gene Gieber to fire up his BBQ for the first time for this year and open up the patio for the season on Easter Sunday. No party fouls at this bingo, because they don’t want you to spill your food, or let it get cold. Second bingo card is free if you wear your LDS mission tag. WHERE: Try-Angles, 251 W 900 South WHEN: Sunday, April 5, 3pm COST: First bingo card, $5, additional cards, $3.
Queer Prom LGBTQ and allied youth 14 to 20 years, are invited to enjoy an evening of dancing and celebration. With more than 600 youth in attendance, the event is not to be missed. WHERE: Salt Lake City Public Library, 210 E 400 South WHEN: April 18 8pm to 12am COST: $5 adv, $10 at the door
april 2015 | issue 242 | gaysaltlake.com
NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 17
Pride Counseling Jerry Buie MSW, LCSW
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Trans* advocate Janet Mock to be grand marshal for Utah Pride The Utah Pride Festival announced that the grand marshal for the Utah Pride Parade will be trans* advocate and bestselling author Janet Mock. “This year, we looked for a grand marshal who could speak to the vital work still needed in our LGBTQ community,” said Jen Parsons-Soran, co-director of the festival. “With marriage coming to Utah last year, some people are asking ‘what else is there to do?’ We know that discrimination is still a real thing, particularly in Utah. We know that the trans* community lives under the cloud of violence and murder. We know that youth are still feeling so trapped in some places that they are taking their own lives. The Utah Pride Festival committee feels that the message Janet Mock can bring this year is one that needs to be heard.” Mock is a New York Times bestselling author, speaker, and advocate for trans women’s rights. Her memoir Redefining PHOTO: JUSTON SMITH
Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More is the story of a trans girl growing up in Honolulu, Dallas and Oakland. It celebrates self-actualization and self-revelation. Janet regularly speaks at universities and on television, hosts the weekly culture show “So POPular!” on MSNBC’s Shift network, and serves as a contributing editor for Marie Claire. Mock was honored by the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network with the Inspiration Award last year at the same ceremony that the Park City Gay Straight Alliance was awarded national GSA of the year. Mock will be honored at the Grand Marshal Reception on Friday, June 5th and will lead off the Utah Pride Parade on June 7th. Q For more information on all of the Utah Pride Festival celebrations, please visit: www.UtahPrideFestival.org.
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18 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS
views
“
I’m not down on putting down photos of women. I’m 54, a feminist, and it’s not what I do. If you want me to make fun of Justin Bieber pissing in a bucket, fine… But I’m not gonna look at a picture of Lena Dunham and go, ‘She’s fat—good night, everybody!’”
gaysaltlake.com | issue 242 | april 2015
– Comedienne Kathy Griffin to a crowd in Atlantic City on her decision to part ways with
“
E!’s Fashion Police
Well, I like to think that I’m gay in my art and straight in my life. Although, I’m also gay in my life up to the point of intercourse, and then you could say I’m straight. So I guess it depends on how you define gay. If it means whom you have sex with, I guess I’m straight. In the twenties and thirties, they used to define homosexuality by how you acted and not by whom you slept with. Sailors would fuck guys all the time, but as long as they behaved in masculine ways, they weren’t considered gay.” —James Franco interviewing himself about being gay
“
It was a bigger deal to everyone than it was for me. But at the same time I do understand why it is something to talk about. I didn’t talk to Ellen so that people could, be like ‘oh my God, let’s see what Jussie does in his bedroom in his private life.’ But I did talk to her so that people understood that they’re not alone. That’s all.”
— Empire star Jussie Smollet discussing the impact of his in an interview with Variety
“
I’m not ashamed and I feel like passing on the mentality that you should always be yourself. Obviously, some
of my stuff is not meant for under eighteen, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. I think Americans, especially, are afraid of sexuality.
QSaltLake Magazine
We all have bodies and pretending sex does not exist or making it seem taboo is how we get so many body-image disorders. Make fun of me all you want, but this is the real me, and it isn’t changing. Would that be so bad to teach my child?”
Email 300 words or
– Underwear model Colby Melvin to GaysWithKids on why guys in risque professions shouldn’t shy away from parenthood
welcomes your letters to the editor.
less to letters@qsaltlake.com. We reserve the right to edit for length or libel if a letter is chosen for publication.
VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 19
april 2015 | issue 242 | gaysaltlake.com
guest editorial
Coming soon to Salt Lake City: an international festival of bigotry called World Congress of Families BY FREDERICK CLARKSON
An
international network of some of the world’s most vitriolic Religious Right activists and self-proclaimed orthodox religious leaders is holding its ninth global conference at the Grand America Hotel in Salt Lake City this Frederick Clarkson October. The World Congress of Families’ conferences tend to attract thousands of participants and prominent religious and political leaders from all over the world. If past conferences are any indication, many Americans may be shocked, but not entirely surprised, by the proceedings. “From Russia to Nigeria to Australia,” as my colleague at Political Research Associates Cole Parke recently explained regarding the WCF IX agenda, “a seemingly innocuous definition of the ‘natural family’ is quietly being used as the basis of new laws to justify the criminalization of abortion and LGBTQ people.” Indeed. It has unleashed a rolling thunder of horrific anti-LGBTQ political activism, legislation, and violence. Unsurprisingly, the theme of the Salt Lake City conclave will be religious liberty, and the groups involved in the planning of the event are among the best known organizations of the American Christian Right. They include the Alliance Defending Freedom, Focus on the Family, Family Research Council, Americans United for Life, National Organization for Marriage, Eagle Forum and the Manhattan Declaration. And while the schedule and speakers have yet to be announced, it is worth noting that past participants include top Vatican officials, members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, and American evangelical and Christian Right leaders. The Congress will be convening in the wake of the recent dark history of draconian anti-LGBTQ and anti-reproductive health laws in some countries, notably Uganda, Russia, and Nigeria. While WCF and some of its affiliates have cheered and
sometimes participated in the development of such legislation, LGBTQ people in those countries have suffered waves of backlash including ongoing harassment, discrimination, prosecution, violence, and murder. These laws are partly an American cultural export, brought to the world via our own Christian Right. One of this movement’s cultural ambassadors, Scott Lively, has traveled widely in Eastern Europe, Russia and Africa promoting his views and suggesting legislative solutions. Among his claims are that LGBTQ people are responsible for a range of modern horrors from the Holocaust to the Rwandan genocide. The virulence of his views have disturbed many of his audiences in different countries. Lively and fellow U.S. culture warriors like Rick Warren and Lou Engle are widely credited, for example, with inspiring the legislation once known as the “kill the gays” bill in Uganda. While the death penalty provision was eventually taken out, the bill that passed further criminalizes homosexuality and includes potential life imprisonment for some charges. Russian laws now criminalize blasphemy and “propaganda” (speech) that takes anything other than a negative view of homosexuality and transgender identity. This situation was considered so oppressive that it was even denounced by one of the America’s leading anti-LGBTQ and anti-abortion political theorists — Robert P. George — who in 2014, served as chairman of the official U.S. Commission on International Religious Freedom. George, (the founder of the National Organization for Marriage and the principal author of the Manhattan Declaration) was concerned that the two Russian laws “limit the freedoms of religion and expression and which clearly violate international standards.” One of the laws penalizes blasphemy with heavy fines and the other prohibits the “promotion of nontraditional sexual relations among minors.” These laws, George claimed, reflect a growing alliance between the Kremlin and elements in the Russian Orthodox Church that want to restrain both religious and secular dissident voices in public life. “Besides punishing those who are
deemed to have offended the feelings of others, this vaguely worded but sweeping law,” George complained, “gives Moscow’s stamp of approval to certain religious beliefs while criminalizing the expression of others.”
Grand America Hotel, seen here behind the Salt Lake City County Building, will play host to the World Congress of Families in October. One could certainly say the same thing about the Uganda legislation and other proposed laws that will be praised and recognized as models for the preservation of Christian civilization when WCF IX convenes in Salt Lake City in October. It should be noted that these international movements are bringing their message to America at the beginning of the 2016 presidential campaign season and thus however they are received by conference attendees, they are also likely to inform our national political conversation. Q Frederick Clarkson is the senior fellow for religious liberty at Political Research Associates. Learn more about the assault on religious liberty at politicalresearch. org/?s=religious+liberty.
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guest editorial
A seven-year seed It takes BY WILLIAM J. CARLSON
up to seven years to grow a tulip from a seed to a blooming plant. Every year Utah’s legislative session begins in the dark days of winter and adjourns just as early tulips begin to bloom across the Wasatch Front. This year, Utah’s LGBT community enjoyed an especially glorious tulip blossom in the session’s final hours as the Legislature extended protection from workplace and housing discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity. A seed was planted seven years ago in 2008 when nondiscrimination legislation was introduced, and this year Utah can finally enjoy this flower. While nondiscrimination’s passage is an achievement worth celebrating,
three Republican legislators from Utah County made comments that highlight opportunities for Utah’s LGBT community in future work for equality. None of the Mormon men
are allies to the movement, but they raise issues worth addressing. First, Sen. Alvin Jackson from Highland confessed it “disturbs me to the core” when the LGBT community is any way linked to the civil rights movement of the 1960s. As the only black member of Utah’s senate,
Senator Jackson has a unique perspective on the struggle for civil rights. His comments made clear he has no idea of the role that Bayard Rustin and other LGBT advocates of color played in the important legislative progress made in the 1960s, but the comments also highlight
that those who claim to speak for Utah’s LGBT community are overwhelmingly white. Queer people of color are a vibrant part of our community. As Utah becomes more racially and ethnically diverse, our LGBT community follows suit. These men and women have important voices and we must listen to them and let them share their stories. There are some similarities between discrimination based on race and other forms of discrimination, but there are a lot of differences too. Senator Jackson’s comment highlight that LGBT advocacy needs to be more diverse. Second, Sen. Mark Madsen of Saratoga Springs stood on the Senate floor and bravely acknowledged the 800-pound Mormon gorilla in the room when he asked “Should I do as my church says or should I do as my church does? That’s tough for me.” SB 296 exempts the Corporation of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and several of its subsidiaries, yet the church’s vocal support was instrumental in streamlining the passage of a
bill that had never received a floor debate before this year. SB 296 is more proof that
what “the Church” says goes in the Utah state legislature. Utah is
57 percent Mormon. The Utah Legislature is 91 percent Mormon. Anyone who finds that disconcerting needs to get involved in electoral politics. Third, before voting against SB 296 Rep. Brian Greene of Pleasant Grove acknowledged that “Even with this bill, we’re not going achieve a utopia.” No one piece of legislation will grant the LGBT community full equality. If the price of liberty is eternal vigilance, the price of equality is eternal diligence. Societies and civilizations are very good at grouping and then giving legal preference to some groups over others. LGBT people are profoundly affected by issues including education, substance abuse, the income gap, sexism, environmentalism, and healthcare. SB296 is a beautiful tulip, but it’s no panacea. I appreciate the perspectives of these three legislators. They may not understand LGBT Utahns, but they offer guidance as to how the movement toward equality can grow from this single tulip of a bill into a beautiful garden that all Utahns can enjoy. If justice holds each of us accountable for harming others, then a just society will be responsible for those it chews up. Q
TYING THE KNOT? Know who WANTS your business and will treat you with the DIGNITY and RESPECT you deserve. BROUGHT TO YOU BY QSALTLAKE
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april 2015 | issue 242 | gaysaltlake.com
guest editorial
Utah LGBT Rights Bill A Trojan Horse For Religious Right’s Agenda BY ERIC ETHINGTON
There were
both cheers and tears as many in the Utah LGBTQ community celebrated the passage of a workplace and housing nondiscrimination law in the conservative Utah legislature. But behind closed doors, I suspect it’s actually the leaders of the Religious Right who are cheering the hardest. As someone who began as an activist in the Utah LGBTQ community, and fought for years alongside countless others for full workplace and housing protections, I was overjoyed at the possibility that 2015 might finally be the year we stepped closer to equality. Too many LGBTQ Utahns, myself included, have faced that discrimination firsthand. But once the legislation was unveiled, my heart sank.
While there is much to be happy with in the legislation, and the protections it offers to some of the most vulnerable citizens in the Beehive State, the law also contains a tiny Trojan Horse individual religious exemptions clause.
The Utah bill is being called a “model” to be used in states around the nation, but we must be forewarned. The individual religious exemption in the law, as small and seemingly noninvasive as it is, could put the civil liberties of everyone at stake for decades to come. Religious freedom is important, and as a principle has existed since before the writing of the U.S. Constitution. The 13 original colonies were a fractured bunch of near-theocracies, with various Christian sects dominating different colonies — to the detriment of anyone not a member of the particular sect in power locally. Thanks to the wisdom of Thomas Jefferson and James Madison, the principle of religious freedom in the Constitution set in motion of the disestablishment of the state churches, and the advantages they held in the public sphere. Jefferson’s famous Virginia Statute for Religious Freedom, which predated the Constitution and was the first such law to be enacted in the world, said one’s beliefs or non-beliefs can-
not “enhance, diminish, or impact” one’s “civil capacity.” Individuals were shielded from the tyranny of churches who had previously sought to force them to adhere to their beliefs, and religions were shielded from governments elevating one religion over another. It has taken us a long time to make it work and, in truth, we are still working on it.
But the Religious Right has launched a campaign to redefine the meaning of religious liberty, stripping away those protections and once again giving religions the power to circumscribe the rights of individual conscience.
This coalition, led by right-wing groups such as Alliance Defending Freedom (formerly known as Alliance Defense Fund), the Becket Fund for Religious Liberty, and Liberty Counsel, is systematically working the courts and state legislatures to enact religious exemptions — essentially a right of religious institutions and individuals to decide which laws they will or will not follow. In practical terms, this could play out as a business owner invoking faith to deny service to a LGBTQ couple, or refusing to hire Jewish employees. Or a man refusing to promote women to managerial positions because he doesn’t believe men should be subservient to women. We cannot allow such freedom of conscience to become a legal sanction for these and other forms of discrimination.
One of the Religious Right leaders heavily involved in this campaign is Dallin H. Oaks, one of
the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints’ senior leaders and member of their Quorum of 12 Apostles. The Mormon church frequently finds itself at odds with members of other faiths who don’t believe it to be a true Christian religion. However, unlike some of his brethren in the all-male leadership, Oaks is deeply involved in the work with the Religious Right. He sits on the board of the international culture warring organization World Congress of Families. He received the 2013 “Canter-
bury Medal” for his “defense of religious liberty” from the Becket Fund. In speeches before conservative groups, Oaks frequently extols the benefits of individuals being able to using their faith as an excuse to dodge pesky civil rights laws. That’s why, when just a few weeks ago Oaks held a press conference to announce that he and the Mormon church were ready to endorse a statewide nondiscrimination law for LGBTQ people if only the leaders of the local LGBTQ community would sit down and negotiate a “compromise,” many were suspicious. Oaks was up front about what he was looking for. He and other leaders of the Mormon church enumerated the religious exemptions they wanted included with a nondiscrimination law, including a right for government and health care workers to deny service to LGBTQ people. SB296, the bill that resulted from those negotiations, was hailed by equality groups and the Mormon church as a “historic compromise” of nondiscrimination and religious freedom. The bill does indeed ban workplace and housing discrimination against LGBTQ people in Utah. But buried underneath those important protections, is a small clause guaranteeing the right of individuals to express faith-based antiLGBTQ views at work. It’s a small exemption. Seemingly inconsequential in comparison to the benefits the new law could bring. Viewed purely as a standalone piece of legislation, SB296 does a lot more good than bad and it’s unsurprising to see so many social justiceminded people supporting it.
But the equality movement cannot survive if we view legislation through a short-term and narrow lens. To do
so is to ignore the context of the long-term consequences of the Religious Right’s national agenda — which only needs to get a foot in the door to get the ball rolling. Oaks’ goal with the nondiscrimination law was not to pass full individual religious exemptions all at once. To use the analogy of the unfortunate amphibian, the frog will jump out of the pot if put directly into boiling water. But turn the heat up slowly, and the frog cooked to death. For the LGBTQ community to endorse the Religious Right’s corrupt redefined version of religious freedom, even in this one — Continued on page 23, Trojan Horse
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queer shift
Film — SHIFT Part II BY CHARLES LYNN FROST
Obviously,
understanding and fully celebrating intergenerational differences can solve many of the problems facing older and younger members of the LGBT community. However given that effective two-way communication seems to be missing for so many older and younger LGBT individuals, building bridges between the generations as a mechanism for developing new forms of support, solidarity and appreciation of history appears to make sense. Lao Tzu perhaps said it best when it comes to this LGBTQ intergenerational divide, and it applies to both ends of the age spectrum. “To know yet to think that one does not know is best; Not to know yet to think that one
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knows will lead to difficulty.” There are many reasons and ways that sharing films can increase understanding as well as decrease the divide between generations. Watching and sharing
a film, and then discussing how it applies to LGBTQ people of all ages is but one excellent way to engage in generational harmony. After all, film
sharing can: • For younger and older LBGT people provide a space where they can talk to one another about common experiences, M. Butterfly Making Love Mamma Mia Maurice Memento Midnight Cowboy Mildred Pierce Milk Mommie Dearest My Beautiful Launderette My Best Friend’s Wedding My Own Private Idaho Myra Breckenridge Nashville Normal Norman Is that You One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest OUT in the Silence (doc) Paris is Burning Parting Glances Philadelphia Picture of Dorian Gray Pink Flamingos Plan B Polyester Prayers for Bobby Pricilla Queen of the
Desert Prick Up Your Ears PRIDE Priest Priscilla Queen of the Desert Pulp Fiction Querelle Rear Window Rebecca Rebel Without A Cause Rent Rocky Horror Picture Show Roman Holiday Rope Savage Nights Schindler’s List She Done Him Wrong Shelter Shirley Valentine ShortBus Silkwood Silverado Some Like It Hot Song of the Loon Sordid Lives Steel Magnolias Stonewall: Before and After (doc) Strangers On A Train
triggered by the plot, characters and themes in the film. • Provide a space where negative generational perceptions can be challenged. • Help prevent and overcome a high degree of loneliness and isolation among older and younger LGBT people, by bringing them together. So, as promised from Part I of Film Shift last month, here’s the remainder of the list, M through Z that I feel every gay person should see to better understand their core and their community. Suddenly Last Summer Sunset Boulevard Taxi Zum Klo Tea and Sympathy The African Queen The Age of Innocence The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel The Birdcage The Boys in the Band The Celluloid Closet The Children’s Hour The Cockettes (doc) The Crying Game The Damned The Dresser The Dying Gaul The Fluffer The Gay Deceivers The Graduate The GodFather The History Boys The Hours The Ignorant Fairies The Importance of Being Earnest The Imitation Game The Kids are All Right The Killing of Sister George
The Laramie Project The Lion In Winter The Maltese Falcon The Matthew Shepard Story The Normal Heart The Sum of Us To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar Tootsie Torch Song Trilogy (editor’s choice) Touch of Pink Transamerica Trick Victor Victoria Weekend What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? Wild Reeds Consider having a movie night. Consider inviting LGBTQ people of all ages. Consider what can be learned from one another. Consider the fun, sharing and possibilities. Q
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Trojan Horse — Continued from page 21, seemingly minor way, opens the door for the expansion of religious exemptions in both breadth and number. And as if to confirm this suspicion as quickly as possible,
within two hours of the “compromise” SB296 passing the Utah legislature, conservatives in the Utah House of Representatives had also passed two other bills that had not been part of the negotiations: one granting county clerks the right to refuse to perform any marriage they opposed on religious grounds, and the other paving the way for full individual religious exemptions in the public marketplace. It’s a victory for the Right not only in the success of imposing their agenda into law, but in winning the larger PR battle at a critical moment in time. As I discussed in Resisting the Rainbow: Right-Wing Responses to LGBTQ Gains, the Mormon church has only ever given in to pressure by the LGBTQ community when its back is against the wall in a public relations battle. After months of heavy protesting over their involvement in California’s Prop 8, they endorsed a municipal nondiscrimination law in Salt Lake City in 2009. In 2010, after 2nd-in-command Mormon leader Boyd K. Packer claimed that there was no way God would allow people to be born gay, protests around the church’s headquarters garnered international attention and prompted Packer’s comments to be officially stricken from the church’s records. So why did the Mormon church unexpectedly come to the table? Could it be a delayed response to their highly-
publicized excommunication of faithful feminist members for asking for a public discussion about why the patriarchal church does not allow female leadership? Unlikely, that was months ago and the discussion has largely died down.
A more plausible explanation is the forthcoming World Congress of Families event scheduled for Salt Lake City in October. The international coalition of U.S. culture warriors held a conference last year in Moscow — their name was removed just before the conference started to prevent negative publicity over the situation in Ukraine — where attendees unanimously voted to urge their home countries — like the United States — to pass laws modeled on the Russian anti-LGBTQ law. (That law criminalizes any positive speech about LGBTQ people under the guise of protecting children from “propaganda.”) WCF attendees and other U.S. conservatives, such as Rick Warren, Sharon Slater, Brian Brown and others, are known around the world for their work in exporting the culture wars abroad, which has resulted in outcomes like the “kill the gays” bill in Uganda. Dallin H. Oaks is a member of the WCF board of directors. Thanks to Oaks’ work in helping to pass the “compromise” legislation, the WCF and the Religious Right’s goal of codifying their redefined version of religious freedom into law has taken a giant step forward. Once Pandora’s Box is opened, there’s no shutting it. Q Eric Ethington is a journalist, activist, and researcher. Originally from Utah, he now works in Boston for a social justice think tank. Follow him on Twitter @EricEthington.
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gaysaltlake.com | issue 242 | april 2015
who’s your daddy?
Let’s get physical BY CHRISTOPHER KATIS
Once,
back when I was in my 30s, a coworker sheepishly asked if she could touch my stomach. Staring at her hand pressed against its flatness, she questioned, “How does my husband get a stomach like yours?” “He has to be gay, “ I laughed. “No, seriously, Chris,” she said, looking imploringly into my eyes. “Well, I go to a gym every morning before work and I run 20-25 miles a week.” “Oh,” she said disappointedly, “He does have to be gay.” Let’s face it, most gay guys are into keeping fit. Take my friend, Farook, for example. He hits the gym hard and plays water polo five nights a week. And he has the smoking hot body to show for all that work. But I have one thing — well two things — he doesn’t, kids! Once, I saw an article in Men’s Fitness that showed different exercises guys could do using babies as weights. It didn’t say if the baby had to be your kid or just some random child. To be honest, I didn’t read the entire article because I could tell by the photos that neither the author nor the photographer had kids. If they had, there would’ve been warnings about how much babies drool and upchuck. Had I ever laid on my back and repeatedly lifted Niko over my body, I would have been covered in every kind of gross bodily fluid in 15 seconds flat. For gay dads trying to stay in shape, having kids can be a bigger deterrent than a box of Krispy Kremes. Since I haven’t seen the inside of a gym since my nearly 12-year old was still in diapers, I’ve improvised workouts. Doing the laundry, for example, counts as both lifting and cardio. With four of us in the
house, the laundry basket weighs a ton, so that’s my lifting routine. And since the laundry room is downstairs, there’s the cardio. President Obama is said to be able to bench press 200 pounds. But I used to schlep a diaper bag that probably weighed a couple of hundred pounds. Just like with weights, when I put it down I had to catch my breath and walk around a little. Hey, it may not have been the hottest accessory for a gay guy, but it got the job done. Now I’ve replaced the diaper bag with Gus’s hockey bag. Seriously, all that equipment weighs like, oh I dunno, let’s say 500 pounds. I’m actually pretty good when it comes to cardio. I have a treadmill in my office that I use nearly every day. A couple of years ago I ran in a 5K benefiting the boys’ school. Gus ran too, and I discovered that my paternal instinct is greater than my competitive instinct. I stopped and waited with him when he needed a breather, rather than leaving him in my dust. I even let him cross the finish line ahead of me. For my paternal sacrifice, the running gods rewarded me with the best finishing time in my age bracket. Of course, my time ended up being the only one posted in my age bracket. But a win’s a win. Chasing after the kids has inspired me to run another 5K at the end of May. It benefits the BrockStrong Foundation, which honors the memory of the son of our friends, Lori and Roger. I’m pretty sure I won’t be the only gay man running, and I probably won’t even be the only gay dad there. You should join us. Who knows, maybe some nice woman will ask how you get your stomach so flat! Q
VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 25
april 2015 | issue 242 | gaysaltlake.com
creep of the week Winner
2013 and 2014
Fabby Award
Linda Wall
“Best Chiropractic Clinic”
BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI
Don’t
Then she goes into a long story about cleaning vacated rental properties and dreaming of a snake and using 50-gallon trash bags to snuff out her lesbian demons, or something to that effect. She goes on to claim that her boss, whom she describes as “an owner of an art gallery” and a preacher at a Unitarian church (wink, wink), would invite her to attend séances at his house “where the windows were painted black.” She adds, “It seemed every time I turned around, my employer was trying to get me to drink something or eat something that was described as ‘good for you.’” What, exactly? Margaritas and marijuana? Or kombucha and kale? Is there even a difference? It’s all very mysterious. “There had also been an ongoing campaign at the gay bar I frequented to convince me to be hypnotized,” she writes. “I had a feeling I had truly encountered the occult.” First, I wondered, “What is it with patrons at gay bars always wanting to hypnotize people?” but then I started seeing Wall’s article as a cry for help. Very few of the experiences she recounts take place outside of her own head. Wall has quite the vivid imagination and apparently experienced a break from reality she’s blaming on lesbianism rather than some kind of psychosis. She’s promised that there will be a part 2 of “Satan and the GLBT Demons” where she’ll share how she “escaped” from lesbianism. But, hey, I’m sure it was Jesus and not the looming threat of a felony hanging over her head that “scared her straight” and inspired her to dedicate her life to persecuting LGBT people. The gays should have hypnotized her when they had the chance. Q
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you hate it when you wake up one day and realize that your entire life has been one long improv sketch masterminded by Satan? You go to sleep totally G-A-Y and wake up the next morning strangling the snake of homosexuality (and that’s not a euphemism. Or is it?). If you’re an LGBT person and you haven’t had this experience yet, just wait. On Feb. 28, ex-lesbian Linda Wall posted a handy step-by-step guide to learning that your big gay life is just a big gay lie on BarbWire. Step one: Pray. Step two: Get some garbage bags. Step three: Clean out a scary basement. Step four: Gay no more. All for the low, low price of hating yourself. Wall’s column has the very subtle title of “Satan and the GLBT Demons” (which would be a cool name for, like, an avant-garde drag troupe that threw amazing Halloween parties). In it she makes an airtight argument linking homosexuality and Satanism. “Ask yourself who would take the Creator’s ‘rainbow in the sky,’ a promise to mankind, copy it and make it the logo for sexual perversion?” Wall asks. “Who would counterfeit the holy institution of marriage, one man and one woman, and re-write it to mean men can marry men, and women marry women? Who would dare challenge God’s creation of male and female and offer the use of chemicals and sex surgery so some can masquerade opposite of their birth sex?” I really want to answer these questions with, “The Candy Man can,” even though I know that’s not the answer Wall is looking for. “It is none other than Satan himself,” Wall writes.
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26 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E
gaysaltlake.com | issue 242 | april 2015
Tony’s Gay Agenda BY TONY HOBDAY
ANNUAL EVENTS Three amazing, and very different, events take place in April. First Ballet West presents Beer and Ballet … sounds like a dangerous combo. A little birdie tells me Josh Jones will be in attendance … raising the bar on danger, but if anyone can pirouette and drink beer at the same time, it’s definitely Josh. Next, the all-inclusive (as long as you’re 18 or younger) Queer Prom returns. You can go stag or with several dates … just remember to don an outfit from your favorite decade. And finally, Park City takes jabs at itself, for yet another year. Wow, the Parkites never run out of material, and since they couldn’t ski much this winter, they’ve had plenty of time to pull out some hilarious shit, I’m sure.
— BEER AND BALLET 9THURSDAY
Capitol Theatre, 50 W, 200 South, 7-10pm. Tickets $40/advance $50/at the door, balletwest.org
SATUDAY — DECADES: 18 QUEER PROM 2015 Downtown City Library, 210 E. 400 South, 8pm to midnight. Tickets $5/ advance $10/at the door, utahpridecenter.org
— PARK CITY FOLLIES 24FRIDAY
Egyptian Theatre, 328 Main St., Park City, times vary, through May 3. Tickets $29-45, egyptiantheatrecompany.org
CONCERTS The ingenious Jerry Steichen conducts the Utah Symphony with special guest The Mid-
town Men, four stars of the original cast of the phenomenal Jersey Boys. The 60s hits are back and better than ever. Leroy Macqueen and Kat friend are the insatiable Gooch Palms, a garage-punk/pop duo. Macqueen is described as “equal parts GG Allin, Iggy Pop, Roy Orbison and Olivia Newton John (circa “Let’s Get Physical” era).” I was hooked at ONJ. As a pair they’ve been called an “unstoppable force that have been turning heads and boners everywhere they go.” Now, I’m just horny!
— KIESZA WITH BETTY WHO 7TUESDAY
The Depot, 400 W. South Temple. Tickets $21, smithstix.com
— THE MIDTOWN MEN 24FRIDAY
Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, 8pm, through Saturday Tickets $18-85, arttix.org
FRIDAY — SALT LAKE MEN’S CHOIR 24 A TOUCH OF CLASS Through April 25, First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 East, 7:30pm/ Tickets $15, SaltLakeMensChoir.org
29
WEDNESDAY — GOOCH PALMS
Kilby Court, 741 S. 330 West, 7pm. Tickets $10, 24tix.com
DANCE From modernized classical dance (including animal soundscapes) of the Alonzo King Lines Ballet and contemporary repertories of Ririe-Woodbury (two world premieres and a performance the Salt Lake Electric Ensemble) and RDT (featuring nine alumni choreographers) to the hot mixture of Brazilian music, acrobat-
ics, martial arts and fire that Sambo Fogo has been thrilling audiences with for years grace the stage this April.
— DIVINE FIRE (FOGO DIVINO) 2THURSDAY
Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 7:30pm, through April 4. Tickets $20, arttix.org
— SPRING SEASON 2015 9THURSDAY
Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 7:30pm, through April 11. Tickets $35, arttix.org
— REUNION 23THURSDAY
Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 7:30pm, through April 25. Tickets $30, arttix.org
SATURDAY — ALONZO KING 25 LINES BALLET Eccles Center, 1750 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 7:30pm. Tickets $20-69, ecclescenter.org
SPECIAL ENGAGEMENTS If you’re planning to be in Park City for the Easter weekend, be sure to check out Mummenschanz, the renowned Swiss mask dance/theater performance troupe … the experience will be surreal. If you’re itching for some sardonic wit and humor on social etiquacy (Is that a word? It’s used a lot in Boston), then check out openly gay writer/humorist David Sedaris.
4
SATURDAY — MUMMENSCHANZ
Eccles Center, 1750 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 7:30pm. Tickets $20-69, ecclescenter.org
— DAVID SEDARIS 30THURSDAY
Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Cir., UofU, 8pm. Tickets $32.50-47.50, kingtix.com
THEATRE I loved the 2007 film Once. It’s tender, real and the music is incredible. Broadway Across America is sponsoring this staged adaptation of two kindred spirits who find each other and share their love for each other through music. Plan-B and Jerry Rapier restore polygamy in Utah with Pilot Program. Oh Jerry, you goofball, are you going to start an organization Restore Our Polygamy? Anyhoo, Pygmalion Productions presents Mockingbird, a tragic and heartfelt story of loss, mental health and the pursuit of happiness. And Wasatch Theatre Company reprises Douglas Carter Beane’s comic play The Little Dog Laughed, about homosexual tendencies.
7TUESDAY — ONCE
Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Cir., UofU, times vary, through April 12. Tickets $35-70, kingtix.com
— PILOT PROGRAM 9THURSDAY
Studio Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, times vary, through April 19. Tickets $20, arttix. org
— MOCKINGBIRD 16 THURSDAY
Black Box Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, times vary, through May 2. Tickets $20, arttix.org
THURSDAY — THE LITTLE 30 DOG LAUGHED Studio Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, times vary, through May 16. Tickets $15, arttix.org
A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 27
april 2015 | issue 242 | gaysaltlake.com
‘Intersections’ tells queer Utah stories SAGE Utah, in conjunction with Art Access will be presenting INTERSECTIONS, a collection of original writing pieces, staged for performance, that relay pivotal life experiences of the LGBTQ community and their allies; Utah’s other pioneers. Evening performances are April 23, 24, 25, 30 and May 1, 2, at 7pm. Matinees are April 26 and May 3 at 2pm. All performances will be at Art Access, 230 South 500 West, #125, SLC, UT. Tickets are $15 and may be purchased online at: http://intersectionstickets.eventbrite.com. The staged readings that will be performed were selected from writings produced during the INTERSECTIONS writing workshop in 2014, as well as a public call for entries. The performance pieces center around points in the life of LGBTQ people and their allies where life experience came to a critical point of choice and change. The pieces range from comedy and drama to prose and poetry, and all involve storytelling at their core. For many in the LGBTQ community, their stories have not been shared, and the main objective
of INTERSECTIONS was to enhance the opportunity to have those stories captured and shared. INTERSECTIONS will be directed by Charles Lynn Frost, with three outstanding local actors reading the various selections. The performances are generously funded by a grant from the B.W. Bastian Foundation, as well as SAGE Utah and Art Access. Chosen selections are written by Babs DeLay, Christopher Wixom, Maggie Snyder, Sim Gill, Stephanie Lauritizen, Richard Clegg, Alex Stuart, Shauna Brock, Sheryl D. Gillilan, Brent Marrott, Doug Woodall, Ben Williams, Joyce Marder, Melissa Rasmussen, Lu Quibelle, Kelly Albrecht and Claire Melton. Do You have a story? Do you love to write or journal? Do you feel storytelling is a significant way of sharing history, experience and wisdom? Then you will love INTERSECTIONS. Stories that center around themes such as — coming out, learning/living/loving, self-acceptance, authenticity, PTSD, activism, movements,
aging, relationships, loss, isolation, survival, grief, caregiving, dignity, coming home, chosen family, marriage equality, crossroads, faith, entrances and exits, parenting and more. Eight performances — a wonderful way to spend a late April or early May evening or a Sunday matinee afternoon. For additional questions regarding INTERSECTIONS please call Art Access at 801-3280703.
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with Square Dance & In the Middle, Somewhat Elevated
april 10–19
this time it takes three to tango balletwest.org | 801·869·6920 tickets also available through
| 801·355·arts
28 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | Q&A
Ladies’ Man Andrew Rannells on ‘dangerous’ road to Girls, his hope for TV true love – and a Book of Mormon revival?! BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI
gaysaltlake.com | issue 242 | april 2015
Andrew
Rannells won’t soon be living down the handjob he gave to a boy in a bathroom. Thanks to Lena Dunham and the other writers turning out sharp social commentary and anecdotal writing for this current installment of HBO’s Girls, now in its fourth season, the theater-turned-TV star didn’t just speed-race his way through a handy – he’s danced, de-clothed and continued to lambast the fogey fashions of Dunham’s Hannah. And god bless him for it. So, Andrew, what’s up with Marnie getting all the sexy sex scenes on Girls? I know! She gets to do all sorts of crazy shit this year and poor Elijah just gets an awkward handjob in the bathroom. We’ll see if we can’t fix that. I like seeing the gender roles being subverted, though. Most people would expect to see the gay guy getting rimmed, not Marnie. That is true. Lena’s pushing boundaries all over the place! How did you end up with a bigger role on the show, especially this season? Well, I was really excited: Last season was the first season that I got to be a full-fledged regular on Girls. They’ve always done such an amazing job of making me feel like a full part of that team, but last year was the first season that I really got to just be devoted strictly to them. In the past, during the first season, I was still doing The Book of Mormon, so with the second season, I only got to do half of it. And then we started The New Normal, and then after The New Normal ended I got to do the back end of the third season. They’ve always been so welcoming, and I’m just thrilled to be a full-time cast member over there. I mean, literally, I don’t think it was even 20 minutes after they had made the announcement that The New Normal was canceled that I got phone calls – one from (executive producer) Jenni Konner, one from (executive producer) Judd Apatow and one from Lena Dunham – all saying, “Please come back and join us.” Even though they had started prep for their season, they worked me in very quickly. Again, I’m so grateful to them and so touched that they include me. I feel really at home with that group. Which of the Girls characters would you most likely hang out with in real life? Lena and I actually hang out a fair amount, and Allison (Williams) and I hang out a fair amount as well. Particularly during this past year, (Allison and I have) kept in very close contact over our hiatus, which is great. Characterwise, I feel like it might be a Marnie
Q&A | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 29
april 2015 | issue 242 | gaysaltlake.com
situation, I think. I know that she’s a little high-strung, but, particularly now with her new sexual awakening, I feel like she would be a fun girl to hang out with. The one you’d least likely hang out with? I might have a hard time with Jessa. Yeah, that would be a tough hang for me. Because she pisses in the street? Well, the pissing in the street – yeah. I would’ve run. If I were Adam, I would’ve just bolted. Like, “See ya, lady!” What is your relationship dynamic with Lena off set? Do you guys dance like you do on the show? Well, we’ve had a few opportunities to dance together, which is pretty fun. The fascinating thing about Hannah vs. Lena is that Lena is so obviously wildly driven and incredibly talented, and she doesn’t possess any of that insecurity or lack of direction that Hannah has. I learn so much from working with Lena in terms of just being motivated and making things happen for yourself, and also being confident in yourself and trusting yourself. She’s very inspirational in that way. It’s so funny to me that she plays this character that she created that is such a fucking mess. Completely opposite of herself. So my hanging out with Lena is super fun but she’s also so encouraging. She’s really just very inspiring to hang out with in a great way. Sometimes I look at her and all that she does and all that she accomplishes and I’m just very let down with myself and annoyed with her. (Laughs) Like, “God, I do nothing.” I feel so lazy sometimes. I’m like, “I should’ve written a couple of books by now. What am I doing with myself?!” That Iowa rager this season – please tell me those are your moves. Oh, hell ya. Onehundred percent. I’m embarrassed to say it’s not choreographed. That is all free style, my friend. That’s, like, me in high school. Elijah is very impulsive and decides to follow Hannah to Iowa this season. What’s the most impulsive you’ve been about a situation in your own life? In 2004 – is that right? – I had this job. I was working for a company that made Pokémon and all these anime cartoons; I was doing voiceovers for them and directing a couple of series for them. It was good money. It was a steady 9–6 job. It was basically an office job, even though I was in a recording studio and I was doing something that was on television. And it was fine, but it was soul crushing. I knew that I wanted to really pursue the musicaltheater thing, which is what I had moved to New York to do. One day I just walked
into the office and I quit. Everyone was so baffled because it came out of nowhere, but I had just reached a point where I was like, “I can’t fucking do this anymore. I just can’t do it.” And everyone was like, “This is a terrible idea; you’re making a huge mistake.”
someone. I think we’ve seen him flounder about and kind of half do a relationship, but I want to see him fully in a relationship. Someone is in love with him; he’s in love with someone else. I wanna see what that brings out in him.
What made you go with your gut? It was building inside of me for a long time. I just knew that I was unhappy, and I would go to see a Broadway show and I’d be like, “Goddammit! That’s what I came here to do!” And I felt like I was letting myself down by not seeing that through, so yeah, I just did it. But that felt nuts to me. That was probably the most impulsive and, you know, ultimately rewarding thing I could’ve done.
You’re starring alongside Anne Hathaway in Nancy Meyers’ The Intern. I understand the role was originally written for a woman; so, in the film, are you gay or straight? Does your sexuality come up at all? It doesn’t really come up. Even written as a woman, there was nothing really about her personal life in it, so in making the switch to a man, it was actually shockingly easy because there was no personal detail there. The requirements (for the role) were really just sort of play off Anne and Anne’s character, so it really wasn’t about any kind of personal background of mine. So it didn’t really come up. You tell me when you see it.
How long were you without a job? It was not that long, but it felt horrible because I was unemployed for about eight months. I was just auditioning and tripping around, so it wasn’t a horribly long time. When you don’t know what the end is, though, it feels pretty dangerous. Elijah makes himself right at home in Iowa. Having gone from Nebraska to New York, and also to Los Angeles, is it easier being gay in a big city? I was out but not fully out at 19. I wasn’t really in any kind of scene in Omaha, so I don’t know what it was like to be an adult in that city. All of my adult gay experiences have been in either New York or Los Angeles. I mean, it’s certainly easier to find your people and your group in a larger city. My mom now does a lot of work with the Nebraska AIDS Project and PFLAG in Omaha, and I’ll go back to visit and go to events, and there’s a great community planted there. She’s really dove in during the last couple of years and started volunteering with all these different organizations. I go back and meet young gay people who live in Omaha whose parents are maybe not as accepting and they always say, “Your mom is so great; she’s kind of like our mom.” Why do you think Elijah is so pivotal this season, especially to Hannah? His return into that friend group was a little tentative. [Hannah] found out he had sex with Marnie in the second season, so she kicked him out of the apartment and then he sort of disappeared. Then, coming back, I think Hannah took a second to really welcome him back into the group, but I feel like this season really solidifies his place in this friend circle. Where do you hope to see Elijah in the next season? I would love to see him get a real boyfriend. I want to see him in a real relationship, and I want to see how he would function if he actually fell in love with
And you and Anne are besties now, right? It’s funny: I had met her a bunch of times during The Book of Mormon because she had done a movie called Love & Other Drugs with my co-star from that, Josh Gad, so I knew her before, which made it super relaxed and easy. I mean, she’s extremely talented and intimidating in that she’s worked with a bunch [of people] and she has an Oscar, but I also knew that she was just a very cool girl, so it made it easy doing scenes with her, knowing her a little bit. It was great. When I started, I was in rehearsals for Hedwig [on Broadway] as we were filming that. During my first night I received this ridiculous flower arrangement, and I was like, “Who the hell is this from?!” And it was from Anne Hathaway. Class act. Very nice that she remembered. What kind of role would get you back on Broadway? I loved my experience with The Book of Mormon and doing a new show, but ahh… you know, I’m certainly… I’d be very excited about doing a revival. Umm. There is… yeah. Yeah. Without – (laughs) I’d be very excited to go back. Yes. I’m looking forward to finding that project and getting back on Broadway. I feel like you’re strongly suggesting something here. (Laughs) I don’t know! Well, something’s in the cooker and I like it. Well, good! Q Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate. Reach him at chris-azzopardi.com.
30 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS A&E
gay writes
gaysaltlake.com | issue 242 | april 2015
Stay or go? BY KELLY ALBRECHT
Should I
stay or should I go? For the past 12 years, I have repeatedly told myself and my friends that it’s time for me to pack up and move from Utah. The world is a big place, so after 30-plus years of living here, why limit myself to one little corner
when there is so much more I could be experiencing? There was nothing holding me here, and putting on a winter coat with a scarf around my neck was getting tiresome. I have always been more of a T-shirt and shorts kind of guy who wants year-round barbeques. Plus, the Pisces in me has been yearning for fresh water, so it was just time to go. Well, I am still here. But I am not alone. I have met several others over the years who have told me the same thing: They want to move but have a hard time getting out. Even those who do make it over the mountains to greener pastures end up right back here, again. In other states, if you ask a group of people where they are from, you get a mix of different locations.
But if you ask a gathering in Utah the same question, you usually get the same response. They are from Utah, of course. There are several theories as to why we stay, from our hardwired family values to the force shield over the surrounding mountains that lets you in but does not let you out. But whatever the reasons may be, and despite our major differences in opinion, Utahan’s stick together and stay in Utah. My reasons for leaving were never because I wanted to run away. I have never hated it here. In fact, I have many fond memories of growing up here. My only reason was for the simple experience of living on my own in someplace new, to experience life as others do outside the valley. So if experience is the only reason I had to leave, what is there not to experience about staying? Life is always in a state of shift and everything is in constant change right outside my front door. As a child, I could step out the door and see fields of wheat that I could ride my bike through on the dirt trails that went through them. Down the street was a little red-brick church at the intersection of Redwood Road and 6200 South. At the time, that intersection had only a fourway stop sign. My oldest brother once sat at that intersection and counted the cars that went through it for his Eagle Scout project. Because of him, Bennion put in its first stop light. The fields I once rode my bike through are now filled with houses. The famous red-brick church is now gone to make room for the ever-expanding Redwood Road, and that intersection has become six lanes of mass confusion in
every direction. Currently I reside downtown, where old buildings are coming down and new ones are replacing them so fast I can’t even remember what the old downtown looked like. I miss the crazy hallways and layers of Crossroads Mall. But what is there not to love about Gateway or the new City Creek? And the most crazy thing is that if current weather patterns continue, Utah may become the new California, and the most I will need to put on is the occasional hoodie to protect me from the cool-night breeze. I sold my car years ago, and most places I visit are within walking distance. My friends often offer me a ride and are surprised when I tell them no; there is just too much I would miss. Though nothing compares to the cities I love — Las Vegas, New Orleans, Venice Beach and San Francisco, the quiet streets of downtown come alive to me. There are so many cute bars, cafes and shops that are only a blur when you drive, and every block is different. Not to mention the smells from the taco carts, the sight of a white bag passed off for a 20, or the chimes of Trax two blocks down. Singer Merle Haggard once said that the world is his home. Yes, the world is home to all of us, and right now, my little corner of the world is right here. And if you watch carefully out your car window, you might spot me shuffling along in quiet solitude with my hands in my pockets. It is my time, and I am right where I belong, in downtown Salt Lake City. Q Gay Writes is a DiverseCity Series writing group, a program of SLCC’s Community Writing Center. The group meets the 2nd and 4th Mondays of every month, 6:30 p.m. to 8 p.m., 210 E. 400 S., Ste. 8, Salt Lake.
NEWS A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 31
april 2015 | issue 242 | gaysaltlake.com
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32 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E
Kelly Clarkson, Brandi Carlile BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI
KELLY CLARKSON, PIECE BY PIECE Kelly Clarkson’s seventh studio album finds the American Idol champ at a crossroads. Does she fix what’s not broken? And if not, how does a 32-year-old pop star demonstrate she’s evolved 13 years after her Idol conquest? More importantly, does it even matter? Piece by Piece, then, is a crucial moment in Clarkson’s career, which, so far, has been a hit-factory dependent on the singer’s two most alluring qualities: lung power and every-person appeal. We like her because we want to be BFFs with her. And she makes us feel fierce. And she can sing for real. It’s a winning combo. For the most part, anyway. The best-friend-whocan-belt formula isn’t quite as convincing on her latest release, a departure that has her joining forces with music-makers du jour – Sia and Greg Kurstin – for shiny ’80s-esque pop songs that, too often, come off as mere radio stock. During a pair of the album’s most majestic tracks, the glitchy “Take You High” (note 4:20 runtime) and the aimless “Someone,” Clarkson’s powerful presence melts into the scenery, dissolved by an electronic sheen that overwhelms her voice. “Heartbeat
hear me out Song” has punch, at least, as does the neonbright EDM peacemaker “Dance With Me.” The same is true for “I Had a Dream,” a rousing anthem co-written by Clarkson, whose voice here, backed by a gospel choir, is as powerful as the galvanizing message of the song itself. Talk about taking you high. I’m still flying. GRADE: B-
BRANDI CARLILE, THE FIREWATCHER’S DAUGHTER Now that her major-label days are over, Brandi Carlile can get her hands as dirty as she wants. Indulging entirely in the authenticity of the sound she’s been honing since her second album – the T-Bone Burnett-produced The Story, released in 2007 – this latest ATO outing was recorded mostly in single takes without any previous rehearsal. The raw effect is immediate, as “Wherever Is Your Heart” – launched as a simple guitar ditty – ascends into a rousing drum-powered belter that tears itself open just before the last refrain. It crawls, builds, and, for dramatic effect, pauses. And then boom. Busting out the guttural chops, Carlile thrusts the song’s joyfulness straight into your heart, where most of these songs end up, actually. With well-established bandmates, the Twins, in tow for the three-part harmony on “The Eye,” the trio’s performance makes for one of the best songs of Carlile’s decade-long career – a tender showcase for all three of
gaysaltlake.com | issue 242 | april 2015
them. At its core, The Firewatcher’s Daughter revels in bittersweet feelings familiar to the singer’s fans: nostalgia, growing up, growing old, love, and now family. “Murder in the City,” an Avett Brothers’ cover rewritten to reflect Carlile’s own life, comforts the living in the midst of a person’s death. The love we leave behind – that’s what matters, Carlile affirms. On Daughter, there’s plenty to go around. GRADE: B
ALSO OUT RUMER, INTO COLOUR If Rumer’s third full-length, Into Colour, had been released during the era of Carole King and James Taylor, she’d be a legend by now. Alas, the British songstress was born in 1979, and the easy-listening sounds of late-’60s aren’t, unfortunately, a mainstay – they’re now a niche. Certainly, however, a niche the singer has mastered, as she imprints her own trademark onto yesteryear’s twinkly pop. On the plaintive “Butterfly,” Rumer is strikingly candid about her miscarriage, and then there’s the disco-lite “Dangerous” and “Pizza and Pinball,” a jaunty imagery-driven number that has her waxing nostalgic about “how things used to be.”
THE UNTHANKS, MOUNT THE AIR Bringing exquisite newness to the folk genre via otherworldly orchestration and lyrical intrigue is English five-piece band The Unthanks, who, for their first studio album in four years, mingle jazz and Celtic flourishes to create a lush body of work. Pure and poignant, the haunting “Hawthorn” gently pings with piano and then, as if to open the song up to the heavens, brassy horn licks. Q
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VOTE FOR UTAH’S MOST FABULOUS PEOPLE, PLACES AND THINGS! FILL OUT AT LEAST 10 CATEGORIES OF THE MOST FABULOUS LOCAL RESTAURANTS, BARS, SERVICES AND OTHERS TO QUALIFY YOUR BALLOT.
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DID YOU VOTE FOR AT LEAST 10? ONE VOTE PER PERSON. FLOODING IS EASY TO SEE, SO DON’T DO IT AS IT WILL DISQUALIFY WHO YOU ARE VOTING FOR. NAME__________________________________________________________________________________ EMAIL ADDRESS_________________________________________________________________________ PHONE_________________________________________________________________________________ MAIL TO: OR EMAIL TO: FABBYS FABBYS@QSALTLAKE.COM QSALTLAKE 222 S MAIN ST #500 SALT LAKE CITY UT 84101
DEADLINE: MUST BE RECEIVED AT OUR OFFICE BY APRIL 1, 2015
| FOOD&DRINK KE 242 | april MAGAZINE 2015 34 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD&DRINK
Dining Guide MAZZA MIDDLE EASTERN CUISINE mazzacafe.com 15th&15th 801.484.9259 9th&9th 801.521.4572 Enjoy fresh, authentic Middle Eastern cuisine such as Falafel, Shawarma, Kebabs, dips and salads. Vegetarian, vegan and gluten-free options.
OFF TRAX offtraxslc.com 259 W 900 S, 801-364-4307 Home of the Happy Hangover. Breakfast, lunch. Sunday brunch and weekend after-hours. Gayowned and operated. Next to Club Try-Angles.
OMAR’S RAWTOPIA omarsrawtopia.com 2148 S Highland Dr 801-486-0332
gaysaltlake.com | issue 242 | april 2015
Omar prepares all raw, live and organic food from scratch with absolute love to create amazing food that is powerfully healing for your mind, body, and spirit.
PARK CITY AREA RESTAURANT ASSOCIATION
PCARA believes that if someone wants great food, a carefree atmosphere and a quick escape from the ordinary, a visit to Park City for breakfast, lunch or dinner is the right choice
PIG & A JELLY JAR
offtraxslc.com PCARA enjoys touting cuisine with originality served up in a resorttown atmosphere that will take guests away from the mundane.
pigandajellyjar.com 401 E900 South 385-202-7366 Conveniently located in the revamped Liberty Park area in
CLUCKIN’ $5 WAFFLE
GOOD GOOD THURSDAY DEAL! CHICKEN &
Thursday nights 3-9pm
FOR PEOPLE TO COME IN AND HAVE A BITE TO EAT. COFFEE BURGERS SANDWICHES SOUPS SALADS APPETIZERS BREAKFAST BRUNCH POOL TABLE VIDEO GAMES OPEN Mon-Thur 8a–6p Friday 7a-3p AND After Bar Closing Fridays and Saturdays
259 W 900 S 801 364-4307
www.offtraxslc.com
Next to Club Try-Angles, Half Block from TRAX in the NEW Gayborhood!
Home of the Happy Hangover Sunday Brunch 11am–2pm Q PON
Free Soda or Coffee with food purchase
FOOD&DRINK | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 35
april 2015 | issue 242 | gaysaltlake.com
Salt Lake City, Pig & A Jelly Jar restaurant serves a fresh, from scratch menu with a unique twist on comfort food.
SAGE’S CAFE sagescafe.com 234 W 900 S 801-322-3790 Sage’s Cafe relocated to the Central 9th Business District in the original and iconic Jade Cafe.
SQUATTERS PUB BREWERY squatters.com 147 W 300 S 801-363-2739 Salt Lake’s original brew pub featuring award-winning fresh brewed beers, lunch, dinner and weekend brunch. Private banquet facilities available.
Live Organic Vegetarian Gluten Free Food
Try Our Bean Burrito! 2148 Highland Drive
801-486-0332
www.omarsrawtopia.com
PARK CITY’S CELEBRATION OF FOOD & MUSIC
SATURDAY, JUNE 20
Park City’s biggest outdoor dinner party returns Saturday, June 20, with the Park City Area Restaurant Association’s eighth annual Savor the Summit. This is Park City’s longest dinner party, offering diners a unique celebration of fabulous food, drink and live music while seated in the middle of Main Street. Park City’s best restaurants will showcase their culinary talents in an open air community celebration kicking off the summer season. To attend the event, dining guests must make a reservation directly with a participating restaurant. Restaurants will sell out quickly, make your reservation today! Find out more >
www.SavortheSummit.com
36 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS
gaysaltlake.com | issue 242 | april 2015
anagram AN ANAGRAM IS A WORD OR PHRASE THAT CAN BE MADE USING THE LETTERS FROM ANOTHER WORD OR PHRASE. REARRANGE THE LETTERS BELOW TO ANSWER:
CAM FOR JEANS
_____ ______
cryptogram A CRYPTOGRAM IS A PUZZLE WHERE ONE LETTER IN THE PUZZLE IS SUBSTITUTED WITH ANOTHER. FOR EXAMPLE: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! HAS THE SOLUTION: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! IN THE ABOVE EXAMPLE ES ARE ALL REPLACED BY CS. THE PUZZLE IS SOLVED BY RECOGNIZING LETTER PATTERNS IN WORDS AND SUCCESSIVELY SUBSTITUTING LETTERS UNTIL THE SOLUTION IS REACHED. THIS WEEK’S HINT: M=L
Theme: Quote from anagram answer on being gay:
TUMM, Y MYHU OF OZYBH OZSO Y’G PSX YB GX SLO SBJ NOLSYPZO YB GX MYDU. SMOZFRPZ, Y’G SMNF PSX YB GX MYDU RW OF OZU WFYBO FD YBOULAFRLNU, SBJ OZUB XFR AFRMJ NSX Y’G NOLSYPZO. _ ________ _____ ____________ _______ .
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__ ’ _ ___ _________ _ _____ ____ __ __ . PUZZLE ANSWERS ON PAGE 46
april 2015 | issue 242 | gaysaltlake.com
COMICS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 37
38 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E
The Gospel of Jon ACROSS
1 Erotic opening 5 Ids’ counterparts 9 160square rods 13 It pokes you in prison 14 Kind of IRA 15 Tune type 16 Actress Skye 17 “No” voter 18 Vidal’s __ from Golgotha 19 Start of an ironic comment by Jon Stewart 22 De Matteo of Desperate Housewives 23 State rep. 24 Macbeth’s taunt to Macduff 27 “Now I’m pissed!” 31 “It’s showtime!” 32 Time spent with Frida 34 Park of NYC 35 End of the comment 38 Improve wine or cheese 39 Bill T. Jones’ partner Zane 40 “Why should ___ you?” 41 Statues with big packages 43 Sharon of Queer as Folk
44 Feel sorrow about 45 Shakespeare’s Puck, et al. 47 Argument that gay marriage will lead to other problems 53 Fruit flavor for gin 54 Blades of grass, collectively 55 “Suuure!” 56 Draw some interest 57 Bangkok continent 58 “See you later” 59 Boob, to a Brit 60 Itches 61 Broadway composer Jerome
DOWN
1 “Be that ___ may...” 2 Ejaculation of concern 3 Part of Daly’s fork? 4 Like a flaming Queen routine 5 Tape over 6 “I’m ___ wash that man right outta my hair” 7 Guy that goes either way? 8 Like a tidy first mate 9 Not straight 10 In vogue 11 Go from one gay bar to another, e.g. 12 Mama of Mary’s little lamb 20 It may follow directions 21 Rover’s restraint
gaysaltlake.com | issue 242 | april 2015
q scopes
24 One of Whitman’s dooryard bloomers 25 Lorca’s friend 26 Rural stereotype 27 Star Trek counselor Deanna 28 Liberace’s choice of fur 29 High-tuition schools 30 You really suck if you use these 32 Shenanigans with stallions? 33 One-time Atlanta arena 36 Invites to one’s penthouse 37 Lubricant leak? 42 Set straight 43 Navigation aid (abbr.) 45 Novelist Shaw 46 Birds with gifted tongues 47 Side dish with fish 48 Petty of A League of Their Own 49 “___ On Down the Road” 50 Nathan Lane’s award for Love! Valour! Compassion! 51 Fruit shaped like a lute 52 Alfred Douglas’ school 53 Group of games, for Mauresmo ANSWERS ON PAGE 46
BY SAM KELLEY-MILLS
fear not regarding the risks.
ARIES March 20–April 19 While not intended, you may find yourself taking things that don’t belong to you without permission. Be aware of your actions, especially if it involves the ones you love. A long distance friend will try making contact. Don’t fear easing back into a forgotten association. Putting off unnecessary things won’t bruise any feelings.
LIBRA Sept 23–October 22 With the birth of a new era in life, things are bound to get a little stickier than usual. Fret not, Libra, for order will be found in the form of free advice. An idol will provide much needed support and provide the tools needed for opening new doors. Your hobbies will benefit from renewed interest if you can stay positive.
TAURUS Apr 20–May 20 While not intended, you may find yourself taking things that don’t belong to you without permission. Be aware of your actions, especially if it involves the ones you love. A long distance friend will try making contact. Don’t fear easing back into a forgotten association. Putting off unnecessary things won’t bruise any feelings.
SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21 Don’t be sensual until you are willing to get a little dirty. Self-control will be lacking at this time. Wild times are inevitable if you want them, but the price may be higher than anticipated. Friends will express concerns and should be taken seriously. There’s a good time to be had, but less is always more. Enjoy lightly.
GEMINI May 21–June 20 Further down the hole your money seems to be going. Financial issues demand some responsible evaluation. The more spending you do, the less reward seems to result. Slow down and enjoy what you have. Revisit familiar pleasures with a new perspective to make them like new. It’s about recycling, Gemini, so enjoy it. CANCER June 21–July 22 The best way to a friends heart is through your mouth. Don’t be afraid to shower the ones you love with compliments. Share positive feelings and avoid the pitfalls of criticism. There is a choice to be made regarding friendship, with consequences of potential loss. Don’t drop dollars to grab pennies. Tread wisely. LEO July 23–August 22 There is bound to be more music in your step and joy in your heart. Nothing will seem bothersome when keeping spirits high. Challenges are bound to pop up, but with the most important aspects in life going well, they won’t even matter. A design challenge could lead to questions of priority. Always go with your gut feeling. VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22 Shut out unwelcome thoughts and adopt new perspectives. Not everything is what it appears to be, and a concealed gem is hiding in plain sight. Spend time with a lover or occasional passion buddy. Try switching things up. The new way is a better way, at least for a while. The old will always be there so
SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22–December 20. Shooting requires a good aim. If the risk doesn’t guarantee a pay off, hold off until it’s a sure thing. Be mindful of your financials and apply a reduction in spending for a while. Don’t try to jam too much into a small window of opportunity and take advantage of the downtime. The process is where the pleasure subsides. CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19 Life is like playing a piano, but not everyone has taken lessons. The tune you’re hoping to play requires research on your part. Express yourself without compromise, keeping in mind that time and place mean everything. Family matters will leave you wondering if you’re playing too hard, so recognize time to relax AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18 Routine is not required to staying content this month. A needed disruption in the action will provide relief. A cute friend will sweep you off your feet. Keep your pants on and don’t act until you’re ready for commitment. Change is bound to occur in your social circles. Relationship matters warrant attention. PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19 The world has influenced your perspective. Walk into the closet of your mind and pull out an abandoned object of interest. Whether an abandoned skill or renewing interest in old methodologies, you’re bound to draw inspiration from the past. Spend time alone; don’t fear centering yourself. What’s lost can be easily found. Q
CLASSIFIEDS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 39
april 2015 | issue 242
the bookworm sez BY TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER
“A MATTER OF BREEDING” BY MICHAEL BRANDOW, FOREWORD BY DR. MARC BEKOFF C.2015, BEACON PRESS $18.00 / $20.00 CANADA 288 PAGES
The cur at the corner of your couch is one of the best dogs you’ve ever had. He’s smart, he’s friendly, and he loves the kids. Ever since he was a puppy, he’s been scrupulously clean, inside and out. He watches over you, he makes you laugh, and you can’t imagine life without him. So what kind of dog is he? The answer is complicated, as you’ll see in “A Matter of Breeding” by Michael Brandow. Like most Manhattan-based dog walkers, Michael Brandow met plenty of pooches. He was paid to walk them, play with them, and help them burn energy – and in the meantime, he saw canine fads come and go. A number of years ago, Brandow walked a lot of Jack Russell terriers. Then he saw scads of Shiba Inus, beagles, Frenchies, each “dog du jour” replaced by another in short order, each with a different “standard” for their breed. But those physical traits weren’t always in the dogs’ “own best interests,” though they’re mandatory in the show ring. Measurements, coat color, head size, paw shape, they’re all required for purebred dogs – even when genetics and health demand otherwise. It didn’t begin that way, says Brandow; in fact, “breeds as we know them are… new inventions…” Dogs used to be just dogs and if a mutt could do a job, that was fine because they were all mutts anyhow.
But then dogs became status symbols, complete with individual breed clubs and fusses over curly tails versus high tails, and black coats instead of brindles. The British initially set those pesky standards, a sort of class war raged in England and North America, the aristocracy spoke up, the pedigree industry “showed an uncanny ability” to make certain dogs fashionable, and dogdom was never the same. But the dirty little secret? Purebred dogs are hardly that; most were mongrel-bred at some point in their ancestry. Says Brandow, of your dog and his, “… they’re all mutts at the end of the day.” When you bring a dog home with you, you naturally expect to have many happy years with him. Here, author Michael Brandow sounds the alarm: happy years might not be possible. For a dog lover, that’s horrifying, as is this: purebred Bulldogs have major, human-made health issues. The low-slung look of modern German Shepherds isn’t natural. Docking tails and cutting ears is almost never necessary. That made me cringe, though Brandow explains how those cosmetic issues are increasingly being rejected. But “A Matter of Breeding” isn’t just informative; it’s also an outraged rant against dog shows, the pedigree industry, breeders, and owners of purebred dogs. Eventually, it feels incessant, and that tends to overwhelm and even numb a reader. It also can detract from the books’ main point. And yet, though it’s not easy reading, I do think this book is worthwhile. Just beware - it could start a few arguments, too. Depending on where you sit, with mutt or unmix, your side in “A Matter of Breeding” could land someone in the doghouse. Q
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MEET FUN, SEXY LOCALS!!
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Browse & REPLY FREE!
is a nonsexual social group for gay, bisexual and gay-friendly straight men that holds naked deck parties, game nights, camping events, cocktail parties and more. Info at umen.org
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40 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | PETS
gaysaltlake.com | issue 242 | april 2015
This spring, find more to love.
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april 2015 | issue 242 | gaysaltlake.com
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42 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FITNESS
fitness
New fitness column
Dayley took first place at the 2014 National Physique Committee Met-Rx Rocky Mountain Championships held in Denver, CO.
gaysaltlake.com | issue 242 | april 2015
Wanting
to start a new workout, build your legs, figure out the best routine for soccer or volley ball? Starting in May 2015, a new QSaltLake columnist, Tyson Dayley, will help you out. Tyson Dayley is a National Academy of Sports Medicine certified personal trainer at 24 Hour Fitness in Sugar House. Raised in Cottonwood Heights, he has always loved the great outdoors that Utah has to offer, along with its wellsupported fitness and music scenes. He’s also an aspiring fitness model and sponsored physique athlete. He has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology and Communications from the University of Utah. As a fitness professional, Dayley enjoys helping all types of clients in accomplishing their goals. “Physique competitors are always a fun, unique challenge for me to take on as a trainer”, he says. He believes that the everyday gym-goer can benefit greatly from this style of training as well. “Many people’s fitness goals are aesthetic in nature and as I’ve designed a training style with that in mind.” If there is something you’d like Tyson to address in a column — training strategies, techniques, nutrition — send an e mail to tyson@qsaltlake.com and put “Question for Tyson” in the subject. He is currently in preparation for national-level competitions in the National Physique Committee. These competitions will each be attempts to earn professional status in the International Federation of Body Building as a men’s physique competitor. “I hope you guys have as much fun reading my articles and getting healthy as I have writing them. Fitness is about the journey and not the destination and you’re not in a competition with anyone except for yourself. Stay tuned,” Dayley said. Dayley trains clients at the Sugar House 24 Hour Fitness by appointment. He is also available for private training in noncommercial settings. He can be reached at tyson@ qsaltlake.com. Q
ADVICE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 43
april 2015 | issue 242 | gaysaltlake.com
Wax On, Wax Off: 10 disgusting spots you forgot during Spring cleaning BY MIKEY ROX
Spring
is just around the corner – thank you, Mother Nature! – and that means it’s time to put on your cleaning pants. But before you muster up the motivation needed to tackle your annual purge, take a minute to devise a plan of attack that includes all those hard-to-reach (and often overlooked) places. It’s a dirty job, sure, but you’ve handled stickier situations, haven’t you?
1. BEHIND THE FRIDGE Just because the fridge is stationary and nobody can see underneath or behind it doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t get a once over at least once a year. All manner of debris can find its way into that dark abyss – like pet food, human food and other small objects – and it’s never a bad idea to remove it every now and then. Lest you want to add bugs and rodents to the list of oddities hanging out in that cavernous void, of course. Ask for help if you can’t move the fridge – spring cleaning shouldn’t send you to the emergency room – and spend a few minutes tidying up back there.
2. UNDERNEATH THE STOVE As with the fridge, you can almost bet there are things underneath and behind your stove that will make you scratch your head. Like how did that lonely sock get there?! Personally, my stove doesn’t sit flush against the wall, and I have a wall-mounted magnetized knife board above it. From time to time I accidently drop one of the knives behind the stove, and while I have every intention of picking it up immediately, the stove is usually too hot to move in the moment and I eventually
forget. When I finally get to it and pull the stove out, not only do I find the knives but also a colony of dust balls and other grime. Man (or lady) up and get to work.
3. INSIDE THE VENTS AND A/C UNITS I consistently forget to clean out my A/C filters, so it’s important that I add this chore to my spring-cleaning checklist. Clean the filter on a regular basis – especially before the temps start heating up outside – so your units can run cleanly and efficiently. If you have the good fortune of having central air, there are still filters to check and replace, and you’ll want to inspect the vents to ensure that nothing has fallen into the spaces that shouldn’t be there.
4. FREEZER It’s ideal to defrost and clean the freezer while it’s still chilly outside for one crucial reason: You can remove all the items from the freezer and pack them in a cooler for a few hours if the temps outdoors are still relatively low. You also can fortify the cooler with ice just in case. I’ve tried many methods to clean out my freezer – ice pick, hot water, hair dryer (not necessarily in that order, however; I don’t have a death wish) – but I’ve found that leaving the freezer door open overnight then attacking the problem with the aforementioned arsenal is the best way to go. Not exactly energy efficient, mind you, but you’ve got to sacrifice somewhere.
5. TOP OF THE CABINETS One word: Grease! Every time I get up on my counter to clean off the top of the cabinets, I’m always baffled by the amount of grease that’s caked onto
the small appliances I keep up there. I had no idea grease was so mobile. This area requires particular dedication because everything needs to be wiped down thoroughly with soap and hot water to remove all the crud that’s built up over time. It’s not a bad idea to enlist a partner to help you here either.
6. INSIDE YOUR FURNITURE Remember when you were a kid and you raided the couch for all the change that fell out of your dad’s pocket as he lie there watching TV like that was his actual job? Sadly, those days are long gone – who has change in their pockets anymore? – but you can still count on all those gross food particles that accompanied the coins way-back-when if you’re a regular consumer of junk food while watching the boob tube. I’m pretty sure a random cheese puff lives underneath every sofa in America. Break out the vacuum – so you don’t have to touch anything with your delicate hands – and suck that muck to oblivion.
7. MEDICINE CABINET My medicine cabinet builds up fingerprints, water spots and toothpaste residue over time – all of which should be wiped away – but you also should concentrate on taking inventory of the items in the cabinet and discard what’s expired. Expired medicines, especially, can harm you if you’re not careful. Inspect and reject as necessary.
8. UNDERNEATH THE SINK You’ll eliminate cleaningproduct spills underneath the sink, cut the clutter by removing and recycling any empty bottles, and take stock of what you’re out of and need to replace – but this also is a great time to do a thorough
inspection of your pipes (are there any leaks that need to be addressed?) as well as the general under-sink area. This dark, sometimes damp location is a perfect hiding place for insects and an ideal access point for rodents, so pay particular attention to any holes or gaps and look out for droppings so you can address the issue appropriately. (Translation: Kill the beasts, stat!)
9. CEILING FAN BLADES Nine times out of 10 I forget to look up when I’m cleaning – mostly because my ceiling fans are on because I’ve worked up a sweat. Add this task to your list before you get started so you don’t pass it by and let the layers build up. Leave it for too long and it can permanently discolor your fan blades.
10. CAR/BAGS/ EVERYDAY-USE ITEMS Your house isn’t the only thing that could use a good elbow greasing this spring. Your car, take-along bags, and other everyday-use items get bogged down and dirtied from regular wear-and-tear. First, clean out the clutter – all that trash, paper, whatever it is you’ve been hoarding – then give everything a good scrubbing and sanitizing. You’ll be surprised at the amount of satisfaction this will give you – and it’s worth every ounce of effort. Q Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and blogger whose work has been published across the world. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox.
44 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E
gaysaltlake.com | issue 242 | april 2015
the frivolist
10 Ways to Gayify Your Honey Bunny’s Easter Basket BY MIKEY ROX
Even if
you’re not religious, you can still celebrate a fluffy pagan Easter with someone you love. But instead of the tiny trinkets and cavity-inviting candy that monopolize kids’ baskets this time of year, put together a wicker-handled surprise that’s decidedly more adult with these 10 LGBT-minded finds.
upping yourself from last year’s celebration. If you’re the kind of couple who likes to bring your own signs to the big parade, Blooming Crayons’ “Pride Flag” and multicolored rectangle crayons will help get the party started with its ROYGBIV brand of chromatic diversity. $6; etsy.com
novel. Bettyville: A Memoir, author George Hodgman’s literary debut, chronicles the former Vanity Fair columnist’s journey home to care for his quick-tempered mother, who, despite her boisterousness, has never fully accepted that he’s gay. The duo is forced to confront their past, present and future in this intimate but colorful look behind a family’s closed doors. From $11.99; amazon.com
5. MENAGE A TROIS VODKA 3. FATTYCAKESNY COOKIES
1. BEEKMAN 1802 HAND AND BODY WASH Those Fabulous Beekman Boys – husbandand-husband team Josh Kilmer-Purcell and Brent Ridge – are still at it with Beekman 1802 (you’ve probably seen them hard at work in their very own American Express commercial recently), a lifestyle brand born on their sprawling Upstate New York farm. To give your partner a skincare pickme-up this spring, pack his basket with the delightfully perky Honeyed Grapefruit Body Wash and Honey & Orange Blossom Hand Wash. $20-$25; beekman1802.com
While you’re trying to avoid building a basket overloaded with empty calories – oh, to be a kid again – you don’t have to shun sugar altogether. Satisfy his sweet tooth with FattyCakesNY’s Sweet n’ Salty Trio, six each of its three best-selling cookies, including Old Salt (triple chocolate with sea salt), The Norm (chocolate chip with sea salt), and PBCC (peanut butter with chocolate chips, pretzels and sea salt) – which, if it’s possible, sound just as delicious as they taste. $38; fattycakesny.com
Two’s company, but three’s a night to remember with Ménage à Trois. This glutenfree vodka (it’s made from American corn) is distilled six times for a clean, smooth liquor, the high proof of which is brought down to 80 using pure mountain spring water. Flavors include original, citrus and berry, and cocktail recipes are available on the Ménage à Trois website. $22.99; menageatroisvodka.com
6. ELIZABETH W BATH FIZZ
2. BLOOMING CRAYONS Pride season is just around the corner – June will be here before you know it, gurl – and it’s never too early to start one-
4. BETTYVILLE: A MEMOIR Chilly days and nights still linger this time of year, and it’s perfect weather for a new
A gift for both of you to kick back and relax – considering you have a tub suited for two – Elizabeth W aromatic bath-time effervescents include six foil-wrapped tablets in assorted scents. To color coordinate with the other holiday goodies in your basket, opt for the Leaves, Rose, & Sweet Tea fizz or the special-edition fizz in the shape of festive eggs. $20; elizabethw.com
SEX | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 45
april 2015 | issue 242 | gaysaltlake.com
WARNING HOT GUYS!
Its Las Vegas short-leg boardie covers the junk but shows just enough leg to keep you excited, while the Speedo-style Superhero collection makes no bones about taking you up, up and away. $28.40-$31.95; aussiebum. com
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9. ILLINOIS NUT & CANDY Illinois Nut & Candy offers a bevy of sweet selections (and plenty of nuts, too), but he’ll go gaga for its LGBT-friendly personalized chocolate options, available in dipped pretzels rods and peppermint patties. Other put-it-in-my-mouth confections include taffy apples, popcorn balls, English toffee and Jordan almonds. From $1.75; illinoisnut.com
7. CELEBRIDUCKS Rub-a-dub-dub, bring a duck to the tub (that otherwise ordinary soak is officially an event now) with CelebriDucks, collectible rubber fowl of the greatest icons of film, music, athletic and history. If your boy’s a friend of Dorothy – and whose isn’t? – his house will start to twitch with Wizard of Oz-themed selections, including the Wicked Witch, Scarecrow, Lion, Tin Woodman, Glinda and, of course, that little girl from Kansas and her little dog, too. $11.99; celebriducks.com
10. THE WAY HE LOOKS DVD
8. AUSSIEBUM SWIMWEAR Heat waves are on the horizon, and that can only mean one thing: Time to hit the beach. You’ll want him to look his best when he’s sopping wet with surf and sweat – and aussieBum’s got what he needs.
End Easter on a high note with an LGBT DVD and a cuddle sesh. A new release of note, The Way He Looks – from LGBT film distributor Wolfe Video – is a coming-of-age story about friendship and young love set to the music of Belle and Sebastian. Plus, the boys are cute. Do you need a better description? $19.95; wolfevideo.com Q Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and blogger whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox.
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46 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD
gaysaltlake.com | issue 242 | april 2015
the perils of petunia pap smear
PUZZLE SOLUTIONS
As always, these events leave us with several burning eternal questions: 1. Should I convert my breasticles into a fleet of Zeppelins for the purposes of flying over the Grand Canyon? 2. Should I write a recipe book, Road Kill, Fit For A Queen? 3. Should I design a series of headlight breasticles? 4. Should I market them in auto parts stores or high fashion outlets? 5. Should I buy stock in a wart remover? These and other important questions to be answered in future chapters of The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear. Q
Cryptogram: WELL, I LIKE TO THINK THAT I’M GAY IN MY ART AND STRAIGHT IN MY LIFE. ALTHOUGH, I’M ALSO GAY IN MY LIFE UP TO THE POINT OF INTERCOURSE, AND THEN YOU COULD SAY I’M STRAIGHT.
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Anagram: JAMES FRANCO
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proof mascara is no match for a melting Pap Smear. I put the best of ABBA on the stereo, and motored happily on my way southward. I was halfway through “Dancing Queen” as my intrepid little truck, heavily laden with a huge box, descended down from the Colorado Plateau into The Valley of the Sun. I could feel the ambient temperature rising. I had the little truck’s air conditioning cranked to its maximum, and I was still a tad bit uncomfortable. It was now 2 a.m. and even though I could see the lights of civilization in the distance, my GPS told me to divert from the freeway, and take a narrow two-lane highway east into the wilderness. Being the obedient queen that I am, I made the course correction. It happened to be a moonless night, so it was really dark. Normally I like the darkness, because it helps hide those little wrinkles around my eyes which Maybelline is not able to contend with, and industrial spackle is just the wrong shade to accomplish a youthful natural appearance. But tonight the darkness came as a hindrance because the road was narrow and winding, and it was very difficult to see where I was going. I rounded a sharp curve and there she was, the proverbial “deer in the headlights,” making her last stand in the middle of the road. Crash, Bang, Boom! Like the Titanic before her, my little truck was unable to avoid the deer, standing still as an iceberg. My vision was obscured when the air bag deployed. My arms, face and chest
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to Arizona is fraught with danger and excitement. As many of you may know, when I am not playing with balls, at Third Friday Bingo, to pay the bills and buy all the Aqua Net necessary to maintain the beehive hair, I have a very butch-sounding job as a truck driver. To be more specific, I’m an expedited delivery driver, so when an item needs to be delivered sooner than Fed-Ex can do it, or if the freight is too big for them, then I’m your gurl. Even though I purchase most of my fabulous jewelry at truck stops, I’m sorry to disappoint all of you who are hyperventilating about truck-stop cruising fantasies — suffice it to say that Grindr, GROWLr and Scruff have made those kind of sex-capades as extinct as my natural brunette roots. And lest you think driving is a job too butch for a monarch of my stature, despite the fact that I am a size queen in all things, I usually drive a small pick-up truck. Last August, I received the assignment of transporting a 700-pound piece of equipment to a copper mine in Arizona, about an hour east of Phoenix. It was late afternoon before I loaded and on the road. I thought that leaving late was a good thing, so that I’d be mostly driving at night when it was cooler. Anyone who knows me is aware that when the temperature rises above 75, I begin to do my melting impersonation of the Wicked Witch of the West. In reality, even the most industrial strength water-
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The road
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BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR
and rescue me. I wished I had paid more attention on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride at Disneyland to know how to deal with the critters. Providentially, I did have cell phone service and was able to call a tow truck. I waited for 90 sweltering minutes, listening to the croaking toads, for prince charming to come and rescue me. My dreams of happily ever after were dashed among the toads, when Bubba with only three teeth in his mouth, showed up. Bubba loaded my little truck onto the back of his tow truck and within five minutes of driving, the tow truck hit a deer. Would this nightmare never end?
were black and blue from the impact. As I brought the truck to a stop, I heard a sickening grinding noise that did not sound at all good. I got out to investigate. The front quarter panel had been pushed in and was rubbing on the tire and the left headlight was gone. There was no one in sight. I hadn’t seen another car for at least an hour. I was alone. The temperature was above 105 degrees and I was sweating profusely. What to do, what to do? I initially thought that I could attach one of my breasticles to the front of the truck to function as the lost headlight, but alas, all my breasticles have blinking lights and do not cast a steady light, so that would not work. In the glow of the remaining headlight and my blinking breasticle light, which I had deployed on the road as a traffic warning beacon, I could see I was gathering an audience of toads. Huge, ugly, wart-inducing toads. At least 15 of them. Now, I refuse to deal with reptiles and amphibians under the best of circumstances. But as a damsel in extreme distress, this was beyond the pale. It was just like the scene of the second plague from the Ten Commandments movie, only Charleton Heston was dead now and Moses couldn’t come
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A tale of a deer in the headlights
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