QSaltLake May, 2015

salt lake magazine

UTAH’S GAY, LESBIAN, BISEXUAL, TRANSGENDER AND ALLY

May 2015 Issue 243 GaySaltLake.com FREE

PHOTO: FABBY AWARD WINNER DAVID DANIELS

may 15–23 at the jeanné wagner theatre

An evening of world premiere choreography 801·869·6900 | balletwest.org

principal arisist Christiana Bennett photo by Erik Östling

tickets also available through

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IT FEELS LIKE SUMMER.

B R I G H T N I G H T S . G R E AT M U S I C , B I G S TA R S .

JUNE 30 SMASH MOUTH TOAD THE WET SPROCKET | TONIC

J ULY 03 TASTE OF TREME LUCIA MICARELLI | FUNKY METERS DIRTY DOZEN BRASS BAND

J ULY 16 WARREN HAYNES WITH GOV'T MULE

J ULY 23 EASTON CORBIN | PARMALEE

J ULY 30 ESPERANZA SPALDING ANNA WILSON | PERLA BATALLA

AUGUST 04 GRACE POTTER

AUGUST 15 CHRIS BOTTI | JOSHUA BELL

AUGUST 22 THE GIPSY KINGS FEATURING NICOLAS REYES AND TONINO BALIARDO

AUGUST 29 LEE BRICE

S EPTEMBER 06 ALOE BLACC

TICKETS ON SALE NOW FOR PARK CITY INSTITUTE MEMBERS ONLY.

Public sales begin Monday, April 20 at 10 a.m.

Reserved seating from $55. Lawn tickets from $40.

Gates open at 5:30 p.m. Shows start at 7 p.m.

The 2015 Big Stars, Bright Nights Concert Series is a Program of Park City Institute - A Nonprofit Organization

4 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

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the 2015 edition of

pages distributed at Utah Pride and through the year to over 300 locations 801-649-6663 ext. 1 | sales@qsaltlake.com

BY THE COMMUNITY, FOR THE COMMUNITY

6 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

David Levithan to sign Hold Me Closer: The Tiny Cooper Story Tuesday, April 21 – 7 p.m.

Join New York Times bestselling author David Levithan for a reading and signing of his new young adult novel Hold Me Closer: The Tiny Cooper Story.

Hold Me Closer is the no-holds-barred (and many-bars-held) entirety of the beloved musical first introduced in Will Grayson, Will Grayson.

Tiny Cooper is finally taking center stage...and the world will never be the same again.

For more information, contact Rob at 801-484-9100 or rob@kingsenglish.com

may 2015 | issue 243 | gaysaltlake.com

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 7

staffbox publisher/editor Michael Aaron

copy editor Tony Hobday designer Christian Allred sales Craig Ogan, Shelley Stewart contributors Chris Azzopardi, Lynn Beltran, Paul Berge, Dave Brousseau, Jack Fertig, Greg Fox, Charles Lynn Frost, Bob Henline, Tony Hobday, Christopher Katis, Rock Magen, Sam Mills, Mikey Rox, Gregg Shapiro, Petunia Pap Smear, Steven Petrow, Ed Sikov, Peter Stoker, Ben ­Williams, D’Anne ­Witkowski

June 4th-7th

Washington & Library Squares

distribution Steven Ball, Patricia Dadkhah-

Jazi, Michael Hamblin, Blaine Osborne, Jason Van Campen publisher

Salt Lick Publishing LLC. 222 S Main St, Ste 500 Salt Lake City, Utah 84101 tel: 801-649-6663

Expanded Grounds & New Layout!

Great Entertainment!

Contact emails: general: info@qsaltlake.com editorial: editor@qsaltlake.com sales: sales@qsaltlake.com

Check us out online at: GAYSALTLAKE.COM FACEBOOK.COM/QSALTLAKE TWITTER @QSALTLAKE

QSaltLake Magazine is a trademark of Salt Lick Publishing, LLC. Copyright © 2015, Salt Lick Publishing, LLC. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted or reproduced without written permission from the publisher. 15,000 copies of QSaltLake Magazine are distributed free of charge at over 300 locations across the Wasatch Front. Free copies are limited to one per person. For additional copies, contact us at 801-649-6663. It is a crime to destroy or dispose of current issues or otherwise interfere with the distribution of this newsmagazine. Publication of the name or photograph of any individual or organization in articles or advertising in QSaltLake Magazine is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons. Printed in the USA on recycled paper. Please recycle this copy when you are through with it.

New Schedule!

Thursday: Interfaith Service Friday: Grand Marshal Reception, Marches & Rallies, NEW Kick-off Party & Opening Ceremonies Saturday: Festival Grounds, Headliner, Dance Party Sunday: Pride Day 5K Fun Run, Pride Parade, Festival Grounds For More Information Visit:

UtahPrideFestival.org

8 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 9

may 2015 | issue 243 | gaysaltlake.com

Hillary Clinton Wants SCOTUS to Rule for Marriage Equality In her first public remarks on same-sex marriage in nearly a year, a spokeswoman for Hillary Clinton’s campaign says the candidate hopes the Supreme Court will embrace marriage equality when it considers cases out of four states on April 28.

“Hillary Clinton supports marriage equality and hopes the Supreme Court will come down on the side of same-sex couples being guaranteed that constitutional right,” Adrienne Elrod, spokeswoman for Hillary for America, told the Washington Blade.

By taking that position, Clinton becomes the only declared candidate for president in 2016 who believes same-sex couples have a constitutionally guaranteed right to marry. Republican candidates Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, and Rand Paul have all said they believe marriage should be defined solely as the union of one man and one woman.

Obama Isn’t Quiet About LGBT Rights, Even in Jamaica Trip President Obama took time during his trip to Jamaica this week to hail the example of a young lesbian activist.”

“Several years ago, when Angeline was 19, she and a friend were kidnapped, held at gunpoint and sexually assaulted. And as a woman, and as a lesbian, justice and society were not always on her side. But instead of remaining silent, she chose to speak out and started her own organization to advocate for women like her, and get them treatment and get them justice, and push back against stereotypes, and give them some sense of their own power. And she became a global activist. But more than anything, she cares about her Jamaica, and making it a place where everybody, no matter their color, or their class, or their sexual orientation, can live in equality and opportunity. That’s the power of one person, what they can do.”

David Archuleta apologizes for perceived antigay tweets American Idol season 7 runner-up David Archuleta has apologized for recent tweets that caused an Internet dustup.

Archuleta, who is a strict Mormon, took to Twitter to share a quote from church leader Boyd K. Packer following a confer-

news The top things you should know happened last month (Full stories at gaysaltlake.com.) ence address Packer gave earlier that day.

The first part of the quote read: “Romantic love is incomplete. It is a prelude. Love is nourished by the coming of children, who spring from the fountain of love ... “ The second tweet came moments later: “ ... expressed between a man and a woman in marriage. #PresPacker.”

The Internet quickly erupted with some interpreting Archuleta’s tweets as a statement against marriage equality. Others wondered if Archuleta was tweeting to show support for Indiana’s discriminatory Religious Freedom Restoration Act. Neither was the case, as Archuleta made plain two days later when he posted an statement on his personal website explaining that the tweets only accidentally emphasized the phrase “between a man and a woman.”

“I apologize if I have offended anyone with the quote I sent out Saturday. I guess I didn’t think about the line ‘expressed between a man and a woman in marriage’ being stressed when the whole quote didn’t’t fit in just 1 tweet,” Archuleta’s statement read.

“I am sorry my intentions were misunderstood, as my main focus was that too often romance is looked at as the end-all when there is so much more. The bonds that can be there within a family and raising kids, as that is the most valuable thing I have: my family. I do hope however, that whoever may have been offended may know I respect everyone’s freedom to believe and live as they choose. I hope others can respect what I value most in my life as well. Again, I’m sorry and please forgive me if I offended you.”

Arkansas Gov.: No Need for LGBT Protections Republican Arkansas Gov. Asa Hutchinson teased an executive order protecting LGBT state employees from discrimination — as his state has zero safeguards for gay and trans residents — but he’s now backing off even that modest change, the Associated Press reported.

Hutchinson had said he was considering such an order in response to a recently passed “religious freedom” bill, which is seen by many as an open door to LGBT discrimination. Following a national uproar, the legislation was modified, but it is still potentially damaging to LGBT people, according to the Human Rights Campaign.

With the new bill in place, Hutchinson now sees no need to protect gay and trans state workers — not to mention other Arkansans, who can be tossed from their apartments and fired from their jobs for being LGBT. “I don’t see any urgent need for it now,” Hutchinson said. “Again, I got my request, so we’ll see what the future develops but I considered the issue resolved when they gave me my first request of a new bill.”

Obama speaks out against conversion therapy The Obama administration came out last month in support of efforts to ban the dangerous, discredited practice known as conversion therapy.

The White House formally responded to a petition on WeThePeople.gov seeking a ban on efforts to change the sexual orientation or gender identity of young people.

The petition called for the creation of “Leelah’s Law,” ideally national legislation that would prohibit licensed therapists from engaging in the scientifically discredited practice of so-called conversion therapy. The petition on the government’s We the People website was authored in the wake of transgender Ohio teenager Leelah Alcorn’s suicide. In a note that went viral after she scheduled it to post to Tumblr after her death, the 17-year-old Alcorn detailed the harm she endured when subjected to conversion therapy by a Christian therapist she was taken to by her parents.

The petition obtained more than 100,000 signatures in January, triggering a formal response from the White House. Q

10 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

As Utah’s LGBT Community seeks healing, LDS officials continue antigay rhetoric

BY MICHAEL AARON

Even as L. Tom Perry, member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, was shaking hands with Troy Williams, executive director of Equality Utah, in celebration of a compromise agreement that propelled Utah into the religious liberty vs. LGBT rights conversation, he was likely working on a speech he would give at the semi-annual LDS Conference on April 4, 2015. At that speech, he would call for Mormons to reject “counterfeit and alternative lifestyles” in support of one-man, one-woman “traditional” marriage.

On Easter Sunday during Conference, the day after the speech, some members of Utah’s lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgen-

L. Tom Perry, of the LDS Church’s Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, shakes hands with Equality Utah Executive Director Troy Williams after a press conference announcing SB296, Religious Liberties and Nondiscrimination Act

der community had planned an event to begin the healing process with a “I forgive: A queer Mormon event.”

“As the LDS Church moves into a new phase of cooperativity with the queer community, the hard work of forgiveness, reparation, and reconciliation needs direct action,” wrote organizer Michael Ferguson. “Stones with the messages such as ‘I forgive’ or ‘I want to forgive’ written on

one side will be provided. Attendees will have the opportunity to write a transgression, violation, or wound they have suffered from their religious experience on the other side of the stone.”

The stones were placed on a temporary alter at City Creek Park, a stone’s throw from LDS Church headquarters.

COUNTERFEIT LIFESTYLES But Perry used the semiannual conference to outline the faith’s commitment to the belief that marriage is an institution exclusive to a man and a woman.

Perry cautioned Mormons not to be swayed by a world filled with media and entertainment that makes the “minority seem like the majority” and tries to make mainstream values seem obsolete.

Perry said strong, traditional families are the basic units of a stable society, a stable economy and a stable culture of values. He said the Mormon Church would continue to be a leading voice on the issue.

“We want our voice to be heard against all of the counterfeit and alternative lifestyles that try to replace the family organization that God Himself established,” Perry said.

During his speech, Perry recalled participating in the Colloquium on Marriage and Family in November at the Vatican with other faith leaders. He noted that there exists a shared belief among many faiths about the importance of marriage being between a man and woman.

A temporary alter at City Creek Park is created of rocks of forgiveness from members of Utah’s LGBT community who have felt hurt by LDS Church statements and actions through the years.

may 2015 | issue 243 | gaysaltlake.com

What sets Mormon belief apart, Perry said, is the notion that marriages and families are forever.

“Our marriage ceremonies eliminate the words ‘till death do us part’ and instead say ‘for time and for all eternity’,” Perry said.

As acceptance for gay marriage has swelled in recent years and same-sex unions have become legal in dozens of states, including Utah, the church’s stance on homosexuality has softened. But LDS leaders have continually taken time during conferences to emphasise the faith’s insistence that marriage should be limited to unions between a man and a woman, “as God created it.”

RESPONSE Equality Utah was quick to respond to Perry’s speech.

“This legislative session, our entire state benefited from the creation and passage of historic legislation that protects all Utah citizens. It was successful because it was crafted with the intent to honor the dignity of each and every one of us,” Williams wrote. “After our positive interaction with the leadership of the LDS Church, we are left disappointed by their recent statements denigrating the validity of our families. As LGBT Utahns, our families are not counterfeit. They are real, they are beautiful, they reflect the diversity and the greatness of our state.”

Williams said that, while great progress has been made for LGBT rights in the state, a lot of work has yet to be accomplished.

“We can change laws, true, but the most difficult task ahead is to open hearts,” Williams wrote. “As we reach out to all Utahns, [Equality Utah] will not waver in our commitment to equality in all things—not only in the workplace and housing, but also in family and marriage.

The Human Rights Campaign, also involved in the

SB296 legislation efforts, also expressed disappointment. ““The comments made by Mr. Perry and others at the church’s annual general conference last weekend are disheartening and wrong, and remind us yet again that the journey to full inclusion for LGBT people — including our families and children — is not done,” wrote Jeff Krehely, vice president and chief foundation officer at HRC, in an official statement.

“Mr. Perry needs to understand how damaging his words are to LGBT youth struggling for acceptance in the Church, and in their own Mormon families.”

PREVIOUS RECENT COMMENTS Perry wasn’t the only leader to speak recently on LGBT issues.

In April 2014, Neil L Andersen of the quorum said: “While many governments and well-meaning individuals have redefined marriage, the Lord has not.”

In the October 2013, Dallin H Oaks of the quorum said human laws cannot “make moral what God has declared immoral”.

Boyd Packer, president of the quorum, spoke this Conference about the joy of romance and love, preaching “a cookie and a kiss” as key ingredients of successful marriages. Linda Burton, general president of the church’s Relief Society, an organization for women, urged spouses to be more caring and compassionate.

D. Todd Christofferson, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve whose brother is openly gay, said, “A family built on the marriage of a man and woman supplies the best setting for God’s plan to thrive. A critical mass of families built on such marriages is vital for societies to survive and flourish. That is why communities and nations generally have encouraged and protected marriage and the family as privileged institutions. It has never been just about the love and happiness of adults.” Q

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 11

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12 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

Utah Pride Festival announces 2015 entertainment The lineup of entertainment is being announced by the Utah Pride Festival. This year, the stages have moved around to help with crowd flow, with the main stage being moved to the southeast corner of Washington Square.

Performers this year will be:

as a follow up to part one.

Dev is currently working on a new album which is scheduled for release in 2015.

Dev’s electro style and “sing-talk” vocal style have been compared to fellow pop singer Ke$ha. Idolator wrote that “Dev’s beats come off a bit more mellow and her songs a little bit more electro than pop.”

Much of Dev’s music is inspired by rap music, as she believes that fans respond to “pop music but with rap roots”. She said, “I’ve always been into hip-hop. Eminem changed my life when I was younger.” The Hollywood Reporter compared her “futuristic” and “pulsing” sound to underground electroclash musicians Peaches and Yelle.

Dev’s musical genres have been cited as electro-crunk and electropop.

DEV MAIN STAGE, SATURDAY AT 8P

Dev is an American rapper, singer and songwriter. She was discovered by the record label, Indie-Pop, and The Cataracs after her friend Shane Crislip, posted her singing to some beats. Dev’s song “Booty Bounce” was sampled in Far East Movement’s hit single “Like a G6” which reached number 1 in the US and sold over four million downloads in the country.

Dev was signed to Universal Republic in October 2010, and released her debut single “Bass Down Low” in November 16, 2010. She was scheduled to release her debut album The Night the Sun Came Up on September 5, 2011. The album was pushed back and was released in the United States on March 27, 2012. The second single, “In the Dark”, peaked at number 11 in the US chart, making it her most successful solo single to date. Dev in 2014 released two EPs, Bittersweet July and the second part

Fronted by dance floor divas JC Cassis and Rony G and produced by international hitmaker Zach Adam, XELLE makes megapop music that the world can’t get enough of. With over 1.5 million views on YouTube, their incredible music videos have whipped the international press into a frenzy.

With a fresh sound that mixes the fun of The Spice Girls, the swagger of Ke$ha and the gorgeous vocal harmonies of ABBA, XELLE is an exciting addition to the pop music landscape. The girls have brought their high energy live show to fans around the USA, and they’ve shared the stage with legends such as Joan Rivers, Lil’ Kim, Salt ‘n’ Pepa, Mya, Dev, Mo’Nique, Aubrey O’Day, Blu Cantrell, C&C Music Factory and Deborah Cox. XELLE promotes a strong message of self acceptance, empowerment and kindness to others. This message inspired the band to collaborate with the nonprofit Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network, which works to provide safe school environments free of bullying for students and teachers of all backgrounds.

XELLE released the hit single, “Invincible,” and donated the proceeds of song sales to GLSEN. To protest anti-LGBT crackdowns around the world, XELLE unleashed the powerful human rights anthem, Red Flag.

In conjunction with this release, they also started the #iRaiseARedFlag online protest, which aims to inspire everyone who cares about equality to make their views known and raise their voice against oppression.

OTHER CONFIRMED PERFORMERS DURING THE WEEKEND:

XELLE MAIN STAGE, SUNDAY AT 5P

You’ve heard of XELLE. They’re that girl group that threw an illegal dance party on a moving NYC subway train for their debut video, Party Girl. They’re the indie band whose songs and videos are lighting up TV shows, radio stations and dance floors around the world. They’re those sexy girls with huge voices who rocked the stage at your favorite club last night. They are XELLE, and you’ve been waiting for them to come along.

Barbaloot Suitz \ Cheer Salt Lake Mark Dago \ Daniel Day Trio Fire Muse Circus \ Juana Ghani Mary Tebbs Band \ Minx \ Muscle Hawk My Fair Fiend \ RCGSE \ Saliva Sisters Salt Lake Acting Company \ Scenic Byway Shasta and the Second Strings Show Me Island \ Hayley Simpson Sister Wives \ Spazmatics Utah Repertory Theater Company Justin Utley \ Vagablonde \ VCR5 Vinyl Tapestries \ Voodoo Productions DJ Jesse Walker

UTAH PRIDE Utah Pride will take place the weekend of Thursday, June 4 through Sunday, June 7 at Washington and Library Squares in downtown Salt Lake City.

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 13

may 2015 | issue 243 | gaysaltlake.com

Free $50 Gift Card or iPod

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Girl Scout Troup starts up at Utah Pride Center While many attempts have been made to start a Boy Scouts of America troup at the Utah Pride Center, none have yet to be successful. In April, however, the first troup meeting of a Girl Scouts of America took place there, with hopes of it becoming a thriving group.

Girl Scout Program Coordinator Shari Soloman-Klebba said that the organization has long been reaching out to under-served populations.

“We have outreach troops right now that are happening at several refugee centers and their apartment complexes. We have one at the deaf center and the homeless shelter,” she said.

Soloman-Klebba likens the UPC group to that of the deaf center, where girls from many walks of life join together.

Any child, K-12, who identifies as a girl is welcome in this troop. The troop will meet at the Utah Pride Center Mondays from 4 to 5 p.m.

“I hope they feel they are part of a larger sisterhood,” Soloman-Klebba said. “I hope they can have fun, be ‘who I am’ with no set parameters on how I have to behave.”

Soloman-Klebba was a lifelong Girl Scout herself, where she was nicknamed “Curly.”

Sheila Raboy, operations director of the Center said, “For some kid’s it’s the only opportunity they’re going to have to truly relax, be themselves, be comfortable with their parents, comfortable in their own skin doing something that everybody has an opportunity to do.” Q

Dr Joseph Benzon, DDS

Located in Bountiful & Salt Lake

Salt Lake 2150 S. Main St 104 801-883-9177

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14 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

Dabakis enters, then exits mayor’s race Utah Sen. Jim Dabakis threw his hat into the ring in early April for the Salt lake Mayor’s race, only to remove it just as QSaltLake was going to press.

“I sat down with Jackie Biskupski this afternoon. We put our individual ambitions aside to talk about what’s best for the people of Salt Lake City. Jackie is a hell of a persuasive lady! We decided that it would be best for me to leave the race. I am endorsing Jackie for Mayor. This election is too important to have two progressive candidates fighting for votes, dollars and volunteers.

The current city status quo needs to change.

“It is a fair question to ask why I decided to support Jackie now and not a nine days ago. Truth is, sometimes one doesn’t see the

beach clearly until one gets into the water. I have a strong conviction that the city needs new energy, vision and enthusiasm and that Jackie is the one who can best provide that,” Dabakis wrote.

Biskupski also wrote about the decision.

“We are in complete agreement that our city needs new leadership. I am honored to share with you that Senator Dabakis has endorsed me and I look forward to working with him to win this election. Thank you, Jim, for your support. I will unfold my vision for the city in the coming weeks and will continue to walk your neighborhoods to get your thoughts on how we can move our city forward and in a more progressive direction. Let’s finish this journey together and united.”

Jackie Biskupski and Jim Dabakis after a meeting to discuss the mayor’s race.

Coronation celebrates 40 years of the Royal Court The 40th year of the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire will be celebrated at “Coronation XL: Down in History” at the Red Lion Hotel on

Memorial Day weekend.

Regent Emperor 39 Nick Equality Watts Aire and Empress 39 MiDori and the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire will present “The art of evolution ...Celebrating the rich history of society’s growth and development, specifically that of the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire, throughout the years.”

The weekend will start Thursday, May 21 with the In Town Awards at 7 p.m. at the Sun Trapp. On Friday, this year’s PR Ball is dubbed “Music of the Night: A Masquerade Ball,” doors at 6 p.m., ball at 7 p.m. at the Red Lion Hotel Wasatch Ballroom ($15 per ticket).

Saturday, May 23rd brings the hospitality suite from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. at the Red Lion. The Out of Town Show will be that night at the Red Lion Wasatch Ballroom with doors at 6 p.m. and show at 7 p.m.

Sunday’s hospitality goes from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. and doors for Coronation open at 5 p.m., also in the Wasatch Ballroom of the Red Lion Hotel. The grand ball starts at 6 p.m.

A Victory Brunch follows on Memorial Day Monday, May 25 at the Sun Trapp for $15.

The Red Lion Hotel Salt Lake Downtown is at 161 W 600 South, More information on Coronation XL can be found at rcgse.org.

Someone buys up Dabakisnamed websites, redirects to opponents The domain names JimDabakis.com and DabakisforMayor.com were snatched up and directed toward Jackie Biskupski’s and Luke Garrott’s websites. No one has come forward to claim responsibility, and both candidates claim they had nothing to do with the ploy.

Dabakis took it lightheartedly, saying he wasn’t offended.

“Good for her,” Jim Dabakis told Fox 13 News. “All’s fair. It made me laugh.”

Dabakis was in the process of creating his own website at MayorDabakis. com, but has since decided not to run for mayor.

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 15

may 2015 | issue 243 | gaysaltlake.com

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“

There is a mainstreaming, and I think that’s magnificent. Certainly in Britain and in America, there are all sorts of gay stories cropping up. We will always complain that there could be more — it’s natural for a minority to complain that we’re not visible enough. At the same time, we’re getting more and more niche broadcasting, which demands shows for gay people, for middle-aged white women, for ethnic communities. We’re at a funny time of transition where no one’s quite sure if we’re searching for a mass audience or for niche audiences. In the end, though, people like a good story, and if you’re exploring characters that haven’t been explored in those ways before, then people will like that.”

— Russell T. Davies, creator of Queer As Folk, Banana and Cucumber, in an interview with Slate

“

There’s not a lot of gay programming on TV. We wanted to create a show with gay men where they weren’t tragic figures or the comedic relief or sexually sensationalized but just multi-dimensional human beings. So, I feel sad that it was canceled but grateful for the time that we had.

That was amazing to see that sort of outpouring of love and support for the show. I think that speaks to just the need and desire

views

for more gay stories to be told. … Hopefully it maybe paved the way for other people to create [more] gay stories. Hopefully someday there won’t be just one gay show on the air but multiple shows. I remember being a kid and feeling like when somebody mentioned in a moment that they were gay or [saw someone gay] on TV, it was like an exciting sense of relief to see someone talk about being gay, so I try to do that as often as I can.

It sort of goes back to that Harvey Milk thing of, ‘Tell your friends, tell everyone.

I always try to wear that on my sleeve.”

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

— Jonathan Groff speaking about the cancellation of HBO’s Looking with People magazine

“

No plot. Just a bunch of naked dudes sitting around doing dude stuff. We read all the message boards, and people were like, ‘Less story. Less plot. Just dudes’ things.’ And we listened to that. Basically, we all were taking penis-enlargement pills since the last one, so we weren’t worried about what temperature the room was when we came out to do our dances. That’s what XXL means.”

— Actor-producer Channing Tatum chatting/joking with EW about the plot of the upcoming stripper epic sequel Magic Mike XXL

QSaltLake Magazine welcomes your letters to the editor.

Email 300 words or less to letters@qsaltlake.com.

We reserve the right to edit for length or libel if a letter is chosen for publication.

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 17

may 2015 | issue 243 | gaysaltlake.com

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Utah’s spring adoption event.

There will be vendors, entertainment, food trucks, and kids’ activities. Adoption fees start as low as $25. All animals come spayed/neutered, vaccinated and microchipped, and with a take-home goody bag.

WHEN: Friday, May 1, noon– 7pm, Sat., May 2, 10am–6pm WHERE: Utah State Fair 155 N 1000 W

Run for Home benefits homeless youth programming the first annual Run for Home, a 5K and 10K run to support Volunteers of America’s homeless youth programming. The race will start and finish at Salt Lake City’s 9th South River Park and run along the Jordan River

COST: Free parking, admission

Parkway. This event will include

Cocked and Loaded

course support, t-shirts, finish

Portland’s newest boylesque

block party. Run, join the party

medals, raffles and a breakfast

troupe, Cocked & Loaded, will

and support their new Home-

come to Salt Lake for a fusion

less Youth Resource Center.

of striptease and dance.

WHERE: 9th South River Park,

WHEN: Thursday, May 7,

1000 W. Genesee (850 South)

8–11pm

WHEN: Sat., June 13, 7 a.m.

WHERE: Metro Bar, 615 W

INFO: voaut.org

100 S. dloadedsaltlakecity.bpt.me, $12

First Sunday Bingo BBQ

at the door

Petunia Pap Smear and the

COST: $10 presale at cockedan-

Southern Utah Equality Utah event Under the beautiful Southern Utah sky at the Kayenta Art

ON LOCATION:

Lace up your shoes and run in

team once again talked Gene into up his BBQ and open up the patio early for First Friday Bingo.

No party fouls at this bingo,

Village will be a fundraiser for

because they don’t want you to

the Equality Utah Foundation.

spill your food, or let it get cold.

Poet / Activist Andrea Gibson

WHERE: Try-Angles, 251 W

will perform. A cocktail hour,

900 South

silent auction, heavy appetizers,

WHEN: Sunday, May 3, 3pm

prize drawings, photo booth and

COST: First bingo card, $5,

a program will take place, fol-

additional cards, $3.

parkway CELEBRATE WITH YOUR FAMILY & NEIGHBORS AT SEVERAL FESTIVITIES ALONG THE ENTIRE RIVER CORRIDOR

May 30 saturday

10am-2pm

YOUR BIKES, STROLLERS, WALKING SHOES & EXPERIENCE ALL THAT THE JORDAN RIVER PARKWAY HAS TO OFFER

+info: special thanks to our sponsors!

18 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

guest editorial

SAVE SAVE SA VE SAVE SAVE Why Utah Is No Utopia for LGBT Equality Despite Progress

BY ROSE SAXE, ACLU AIDS PROJECT

The passage

of a

bill in Utah last month that will protect gay and transgender people from discrimination in housing and employment is a timely and important achievement: It ensures that the LGBT community cannot be singled out for unequal treatment. Over 50,000 gay and transgender Utahns will no longer need to fear being fired or refused an apartment just because of who they are.

But it would be a mistake to assume that the remedies offered in SB 296 can be championed as a model for nationwide replication. Utah’s law still

leaves gay and transgender people without much needed protections from discrimination in places of public accommodation like stores, restaurants, and theaters. And longstanding Utah law contains an exemption that means the

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nondiscrimination law doesn’t apply to religious organizations.

Last summer, coming on the heels of the Supreme Court’s deeply troubling decision in Hobby Lobby, the ACLU and other groups made the decision to withdraw support for the federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act over the inclusion of a sweeping provision to allow religious organizations to discriminate against LGBT employees.

In spite of demands for much broader exemptions in Utah, the bill that passed last week treats LGBT discrimination the same as other forms of discrimination prohibited under state law. That Utah now joins 18 states plus Washington, D.C., with explicit protections from discrimination is a significant accomplishment.

Sen. Jim Dabakis (D-Utah) acknowledged in The Washington Post that the bill underscores that common ground can be found among religious groups and gay and transgender advocates. Ultimately, that common ground rested on the fact that Utah already had an exceedingly broad exemption that freed religious employers from its nondiscrimination laws wholesale. These organizations are currently allowed to discriminate based on characteristics like race, sex, and age, and adding protections for LGBT people doesn’t change that.

However, this isn’t the rule in most of the country. It’s important to remember that existing laws in many states, and our federal employment nondiscrimination laws, do not permit religious organizations

that serve the general public and employ people of diverse faiths to freely discriminate against their employees who hold secular positions.

Instead, these organizations are allowed to have a preference in hiring for people of their own faith.

When it comes to other kinds of discrimination, they must operate under the same rules as all other employers. There’s

no good reason to allow a religiously affiliated hospital to discriminate against women or people of color, and similarly there’s no good reason to allow them to engage in sexual orientation or gender identity discrimination.

We chose to support SB 296 despite these concerns, because it offers significant protections in Utah, and it doesn’t identify a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity as cause for more severe forms of discrimination.”

That’s important, but it doesn’t make Utah an archetype for other states looking to protect LGBT people from discrimination. And it doesn’t mean that our work in Utah is over. Q Rose Saxe is a senior staff attorney at the ACLU Lesbian Gay Bisexual & Transgender and AIDS Projects, where her work focuses on ensuring equal treatment of lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, transgender people, and people living with HIV. Issues she has worked on include employment and public accommodation discrimination and family law issues, as well as the intersection of civil rights for LGBT people and religious freedom and expression, with a focus on both litigation and legislative advocacy.

She has also served as an adjunct faculty member teaching the Gender and Sexuality Law Clinic at Columbia Law School.

may 2015 | issue 243 | gaysaltlake.com

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 19

guest editorial Of Iran, Gay Pride and Rick Santorum

BY MARK SEGAL

June will

soon be upon us and when many of us think of June, we think of gay Pride.

Most places in the nation celebrate gay Pride, many in mid- to late June with the largest celebrations in New York City, San Francisco and Los Angeles. But guess what is waiting in the wings for us to celebrate this Pride season?

The Supreme Court.

The Supreme Court of the United States will rule on marriage equality sometime between mid- to late June. Most

legal scholars believe the court will make marriage equality the law of the land, but me, I’ve watched as Chief Justice John Roberts has put a few glitches in his rulings, so while I’d agree with those scholars, look for some kind of a surprise.

And with a hint of history will come mass celebration — and what better time to celebrate but at gay Pride? But if the justices rule late in the month, they run across another deadline that might give us reason to understand our struggle.

June 30 is to be the day the Iranian nuclear talks should result in an agreement. Aside from pushing

marriage equality off the front pages of our newspapers and broad/podcasts, the situation in Iran should make all of us in the LGBT community realize

the work we still have to do.

Since, if there is an agreement, and I am one who hopes there is, we will be signing a document with a nation that still to this date kills LGBT people.

And, for a message to those in the United States who support discrimination against the LGBT community on the basis of their religious beliefs … Iran kills LGBT people for their religious beliefs.

Which brings us back to the United States, where we still have to contend with phrases such as “God Hates Fags,” made famous by the Westboro Baptist Church. Former Sen. Rick Santorum has now started using the term to explain religious freedom, in reference to the ongoing debate centered on Indiana. Ricky, that you

feel free to use the phrase tells us all we need to know about you.

And, elsewhere in the United States, while you might have thought we won Indiana, the reality is that what Gov. Pence signed was legislation stating that you can’t be discriminated against on religious grounds for being LGBT. But, Indianans, you can still be discriminated against for being plain-old LGBT. Q Mark Segal, PGN publisher, is the nation’s most-award-winning commentator in LGBT media. You can follow him on Facebook at facebook.com/MarkSegalPGN or Twitter at twitter.com/PhilaGayNews.

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20 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

who’s your daddy?

You’re fabulous

BY CHRISTOPHER KATIS

Recently,

another gay dad I know admitted that being a father can make him feel disconnected from the LGBT community. He’s right. Parenthood changes your perspective and can make it seem like you have more in common with the straight LDS couple down

the street than the leather daddies next door.

So for Weston and all the other gay dads, lesbian moms, our friends and families, here are Who’s Your Daddy’s Most Fabulous!

Most Inclusive Pre-School: Saint Sophia School. My boys went here and loved it. Yes, it’s a religious school but it focuses

more on shared values. Every type of family is respected and celebrated at Saint Sophia. They’re too busy embracing children to allow any form of intolerance. saintsophiaschool.org Best LGBT Parent Advocacy Group: Family Equality Council.

Dedicated to ensuring that every family receives the recognition, protection and respect they deserve, this organization is a treasure trove of great information.

Whether it’s providing teachers with resources about diversity or helping parents change out-ofdate mother/father school forms, they truly advocate for LGBT families. familyequality.org Most Fabulous LGBT Family Group: Gay and Lesbian Parents of Utah (GLPU). Although we haven’t had a chance to attend any of their events recently, this is a fun group of families headed

by LGBT parents. It’s wonderful for kids to hang out with families that look like theirs whether it’s at a park, at the annual Christmas party, or with the new Girl Scouts troop. It’s also a great resource to ask questions and get advice on topics like parental rights and schools issues. Find them on Facebook.

Best Place to Buy a Book About Two Dads or Two Moms: The King’s English. Looking for a book with two dads or two moms? Check out the selection at this Salt Lake institution. Equally as impressive is the knowledge of the helpful and friendly staff, who can offer additional LGBT parenting books that they’ve actually read! kingsenglish.com Best Site to Buy Those Books Online: WackaDoodle Books. If you prefer online shopping, this is the bookstore for you. Created for the sole purpose of increasing family literacy, owner Amy Palmer

Rothenberger stocks an impressive number of titles featuring lesbian moms and gay dads. In full and fair disclosure, I write literacy information and book reviews for their blog, but WackaDoodle would make this list even if I didn’t. wackadoodlebooks.com Most Awesome Pediatrics Practice: Wasatch Pediatrics (Willowcreek). The doctors and staff at Wasatch are simply terrific. Respectful of all types of families, we’ve had nothing but great experiences there. (The boys may disagree seeing how it’s where they get poked, prodded and vaccinated.) When I mentioned the mom/dad forms were outdated, our doctor immediately brought it up at the next staff meeting and followed up with me to tell me they’ve started the process of updating the forms. If he’s accepting new patients, Dr. Stephen Lynch is just fantastic. wasatchpeds.net/willowcreek Best Local Business for Marriage Equality: Caputo’s Deli and Market. Plenty of big companies filed Amicus Briefs in support of marriage equality in Utah. But Caputo’s led the charge for smaller, local establishments. Owner Tony Caputo publicly declared that supporting marriage equality is simply the right thing to do. For LGBT parents it means a lot to know we have allies like Tony and Mary Caputo. caputosdeli.com/ So there you go, Weston, some fabulous picks for fabulous LGBT parents! Q Speaking of fabulous, last month I mentioned the 5K I’m running in to benefit the BrockStrong Foundation. Folks have asked me for more information. You can learn more and register here http://bit.ly/1CUwqjU or search for BrockStrong on Eventbrite.

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 21

may 2015 | issue 243 | gaysaltlake.com

creep of the week

Pat Robertson

BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI

Extra,

extra! Read all about it: Pat Robertson will come to your Big Gay Wedding!

There’s one condition: you’re gonna have to show him a baby conceived through butt sex.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “That’s not how babies are made and why would I want Pat Robertson at my wedding?

He’s a hateful old man.”

To which I say, “Hey, I’m just the messenger.”

It all started on the April 6, 2015 episode of “The 700 Club” when Robertson responded to a letter from a viewer asking, “If same-sex couples, especially those who are married, claim they are Christians, how can they continue to live this lifestyle? As a Christian, if they read the Bible, they should know the Bible’s definition of marriage is only between a man and a woman.

Please help me understand.”

His answer? “The gays want to control everything.”

He continued, “This is part of the left-wing agenda to do away with Christian values and to substitute for Christian values the progressive concepts of morality.”

It’s cute of him to condemn “progressive concepts of morality” as if the very idea is blasphemy.

I’ll take that over the so-called Christian values that shower an anti-gay pizzeria owner in Indiana with over $842,000 while those poor folks Jesus had a thing about starve in the street.

Robertson’s answer quickly ends up in the territory of anal sex, as usual. “If you show me one couple that conceived a child... through anal intercourse, just show me one in all the world, and I will say, ‘I agree with you and you are right.’

Show me one. There are 8 billion people, 7 billion, show me one

time when a child was conceived by that kind of sexual activity. It is unnatural, I’m sorry.”

Sorry not sorry, he means.

So that’s it, then. Any sex act that doesn’t make a baby is an act of loins possessed by the devil.

Robertson has had anal sex on the brain as of late. On his April 2 show he talked about Memories Pizza, the aforementioned company that was handsomely rewarded by way of Go Fund Me after they publicly declared that they wouldn’t serve pizza at a gay wedding because Jesus. (Note: even Robertson pointed out that no gay couple is going to serve pizza at their wedding. Because, Jesus.)

This led him to, of course, rant about anal sex.

“It doesn’t matter what custom you’ve got. It doesn’t matter what holy thing that you worship and adore; the gays are going to get it,” he said.

That’s right. We’re climbing in your window, snatching your people up. So hide your kids, hide your wife and hide your husband.

“They’re going to make you conform to them,” Robertson continued. “You are going to say you like anal sex, you like oral sex, you like bestiality, you like anything you can think of, whatever it is. And sooner or later you are going to have to conform your religious beliefs the group of some aberrant thing. It won’t stop at homosexuality.”

Note: only same-sex couples engage in anal and oral sex.

Straight couples would never (clutches pearls, faints).

It’s clear that Robertson can’t see the forest of gay people past the trees of penises. To him, if you’re gay, you’re just a sex act, which is why there’s no distinction between a man having sex with his husband and a man having sex with a dog. You have no redeeming qualities. Your very

existence is oppressing him.

He didn’t really answer his viewer’s question. But what he should have said is that the Christian lifestyle is a choice.

Being a terrible person is also a choice. Being a terrible person who uses Christianity as justification for said terribleness is the choice Robertson has made. Q

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22 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

lambda lore

The gay 90s

BY BEN WILLIAMS

The decade

of the “Gay Nineties” saw the issues of anti-discrimination protection go from being a trickle to a fast moving stream. In the year 1990, David Nelson founded the Gay and Lesbian Utah Democrats caucus and began to push the Utah Democratic Party to add “sexual orientation” to its nondiscrimination policy. At the 1990 State Democratic Convention, Nelson’s motion that Utah Democrats embraced the anti-discrimination plank already in the national platform finally passed.

At the same time at the University of Utah, members of the Alliance of Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Rights Advocates began circulating petitions requesting that a clause be added to the U’s student bill of rights to prohibit “sexual and affectional discrimination.” ALGEBRA was spearheaded by Connell O’Donovan, Debra Burrington, Kevin Warren and Angela Nutt, co-presidents of Lesbian and Gay Student Union. By doing so, these petitioners received anonymous death threats.

However, by the end of the school year of 1990-1991 the U Academic Senate approved the changes to ensure that students are not harassed because of their sexual orientation.

The summer of 1991, the University of Utah President Chase N. Peterson presented a proposal to the school’s board of trustees to prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation against students, staff and faculty. The board of trustees voted in favor of President Peterson’s proposal which made the University of Utah the first state institution to provide discrimination protection to gay people.

Later in the 1992 Utah Legislative Session, House Minority Leader Frank Pignanelli sponsored the state’s first hatecrimes bill alongside Michael Aaron, who had started a local Anti-Violence Project.

An earlier Dan Jones poll had found that Utahns were split whether gays should be included in a hate-crimes law. Opposition

came from both Republicans and Democrats with the catch phrase, “Special Rights” bandied about.

Former state legislator Merrill Nelson summed up the general consensus when he said “homosexuals should not be given special status under the new bill, considering that sodomy is against the law in Utah.”

Pignanelli’s bill failed.

The following year Dr. Patty Reagan, a University of Utah health education professor, and founder of the Salt Lake AIDS Foundation revealed a survey she had given to over 1,000 students. Her findings were that only 2 percent of U students said they were gay. National studies suggested that 10 percent of any population is gay so she wondered why only 2 percent of the state’s gay population openly acknowledged their sexuality. Her conclusion was that these

men and women were afraid to admit they were homosexual because they could “lose their jobs, friends and family.”

Salt Lake Police Officer David Ward, the city’s liaison to the Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah, validated Dr. Reagan’s conclusions by adding that openly gay people even could “be kicked out of their homes when the landlord finds out.’’

A Research and Survey poll published in 1992 by the Salt Lake Tribune showed that 65 percent of Utahns agreed that gay people “should be protected by laws against housing and job discrimination” as compared to the Dan Jones Poll of 1991 which claimed only 42 percent of Utahns thought gays should be protected. David Nelson, using these statistics, drafted and lobbied, this time successfully, a nondiscrimination ordinance to the Salt Lake County Board of Commissioners.

In 1992, SL County government consisted of only three commissioners. At the time they were two Democrats, Randy Horiuchi and Jim Bradley, and one Republican, Mike Stewart. Horiuchi and Bradley voted to adopt Nelson’s anti-discrimination ordinance which included sexual orientation. Commissioner Horiuchi agreed to sponsor the ordinance because he had experienced discrimination firsthand as a member of a racial minority. The Salt Lake

County Board of Commissioners’ approval of the ordinance was the first governmental ban on gay discrimination.

Dale Sorenson, executive director of GLUD was jubilant over the win on the county level and boasted, “We plan to take this [ordinance] to the Legislature and every other county and city.” Eagle Forum director Gayle Ruzicka said her organization was caught off guard by the county’s “hasty action” of passing a protection law for gays and she promised her “organization would be ready next time.” And they were.

At the 1992 Republican State Convention, homosexuals were denounced as a “health threat.” Don Ruzicka, Gayle Ruzicka’s husband helped write the state Republican platform which claimed, “The greatest discrimination that currently exists is treating AIDS as a civil rights issue rather than as a public health issue.”

At The Utah Democratic Convention, delegates also debated gay issues, including hate crimes, discrimination and gay teen suicide. Conservative Democrats tried to remove “sexual orientation” from the discrimination clause in the platform.

Dale Sorenson would have none of that and lobbied fiercely to keep the original language. In the end “sexual orientation” remained and the Utah Democrat platform continued to contained planks forbidding discrimination in the conduct of party affairs. More importantly GLUD managed to defeat incumbent Democrat Ted Lewis, who voted against the Anti-hate Bill and replaced him with Pete Suazo, who eventually was elected to the Senate to fill Lewis’ former seat.

On a roll, the Gay and Lesbian Utah Democrats also in 1992 asked the newly elected Salt Lake City Mayor Deedee Corradini if she would sign an executive order prohibiting discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation for the city and then work to include sexual orientation as a specific protected category in city’s ordinance. Mayor Corradini turned down the request without explanation.

Anti-gay sentiment was building up

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 23

may 2015 | issue 243 | gaysaltlake.com

steam among Utah Conservatives on Capitol Hill who hoped to stem any further progress by gay activists. Worried that Hawaii might legalize gay marriage, Utah Republicans drafted a ban on homosexual marriage. They also refused recognition of any such marriages outside of Utah.

Gay activists decried the bill as discriminatory, but the Utah Senate passed the

Another Dan Jones poll found that 68 percent of Utahns definitely believed gay marriage should be banned.

bill on March 1, 1995.

As the Salt Lake mayoral campaign began in 1995, the issue of gay rights continued to be dodged by the mayor. Corridini refused to make a commitment to an anti-discrimination ordinance to protect gay employees. Her challenger Rich McKeown, however, said he would sign a memo protecting gay employees from discrimination as soon as elected. So GLUD endorsed McKeown’s candidacy. This outraged Salt Lake City Council members Keith Christensen, Stuart Reid and Sam Souvall.

Chairman Stuart Reid claimed the present policy was “fair and adequate.” Christensen

called McKeown “irresponsible.” Mayoral hopeful McKeown later back-pedaled on extending the same protections granted to heterosexuals to gay employees and GLUD pulled their endorsement. McKeown lost to Corradini by 400 votes.

At the county level, Republican Commissioner Brent Overson tried to alter sections of the county’s anti-discrimination code. However, Commissioner Horiuchi persuaded his two colleagues to back off from any changes. He added, “People who work for the county should never discriminate.”

The year 1996 saw a blow back against the gay community even from the Democratic Party. Gay Democrats were getting blamed for their support of anti-discrimination laws and were seen as pushing a “Gay Agenda.” As Utah Democrats began losing legislative seats, State Democratic Party Chair Mike Zuhl suggested that since equal rights of gay people wasn’t supported by most Utahns, state Democrats should be silent about the issue or risk losing more elections. West Valley Democrat Kelly Atkinson called “Gay Rights” a “fringe” issue “that can’t be used to define

the party.” In 1996, the political tide had turned against GLUD. Earlier in fall 1995, Kelli Peterson and other East High students started a Gay Straight Alliance Club [GSA] with support from teacher Camille Lee. Federal law prohibited public schools from discriminating against nonacademic clubs based on unpopular ideas, like homosexuality.

The Salt Lake School Board could not prevent the students from forming a club, so instead in February 1996 they banished all clubs not linked to the curriculum. The Utah State Legislature then met in secret closed-door sessions to find legal ways to protect Utah school boards from lawsuits if they discriminated against gay student clubs. Most of the 1996 session was virulent and vile as state lawmakers bashed gay people as criminals and pedophiles. The worse was former Utah state senator, Craig Taylor. Brazen about his homophobia, he said “I have strong feelings about ultimately the Gay and Lesbian agenda… They are promoters and have come right out and said we will seduce and sodomize your children.” Q

TYING THE KNOT? Know who WANTS your business and will treat you with the DIGNITY and RESPECT you deserve.

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24 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

queer shift

Rude — SHIFT

BY CHARLES FROST

Where

the fuck have all the manners gone? I’m serious — there is a total lack of decorum, politeness, civility, courtesy, gentility, graciousness and gratitude in our general society today. It manifests particularly strong in the queer community; we devour one another (and not in the hot way).

So I asked my therapist friends and they gave me reasons aplenty; we are caught in victim narratives, we have never learned to love ourselves — let alone others; we think in-your-face gets results, we bully — just as we have been bullied; we reject manners because society doesn’t require us to use them, it isn’t a necessity anymore.

To all of that I find some truth, but still say bullshit to the total lack of kindness and the rise of thoughtless impudence generally and specifically in how we treat one another.

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In our world of modern conveniences, we can communicate instantly through Skype, Facetime, private messaging, texting, Twitter, Instagram, and more. Sites like Facebook and feeds such as Twitter allow us to upload the important moments in our lives to keep friends and loved ones in the loop and our valuable or invaluable opinions constantly going out there. Want to know how my trip to Hawaii was? Read my blog (and leave a comment if you have a question.) Check out my pics if you want a visual of my new thong swimsuit and how we lavishly and gayly lived it up.

I then asked a bevy of people culled from an intergenerational perspective.

The boomers say one characteristic that seems to be glaringly missing from society these days? Etiquette. Baby Boomers cluck their tongues at the younger generations who figuratively thumb their noses at ‘manners.’ They’ve got better things to do than sending paper thank you cards for all of life’s events. Besides, who uses actual paper anymore? Texting was invented for a reason, right? A thank you text is pretty much all that Generation X feels is necessary.

As a generation who grew up in the shadow of Baby Boomers, Generation X is now having a midlife crisis, and virtually none of them seem to notice. They’ve hung all their hopes on eternal youth and vials of botox — refusing to grow up and follow the rules of society. Whatever the scenario, at some point, most generations fight the aging process as they desperately try to feel young again.

And WTF do Millennials believe? I was told the following about their ‘manners’ from their Gen Y mouths. They are proudly less concerned with formalities than their predecessors. This includes pleasantries, manners, etiquette and protocols.

Examples such as last to the bus stop, first on; wait your turn (“what turns?” “what are queues?”); using people with automobiles for free rides; always willing to let the organized and creative friend plan the event/excursion/outing, etc., then indulging fully in all the hard work, without

reciprocating; perpetually being invited to dinner, but never returning the kindness, or offering to bring a dish or bottle of anything; mooching, never paying for the bill, never having the courtesy to consider doing so; never saying thank you for someone’s time, advice or wisdom; texting (intrapersonally selfish) instead of calling a person from time to time (interpersonally developmental); not checking up, checking in on friends; posting anything on FB that isn’t about you, your face, the eating establishment where you are dining; blending every thought, person, belief into a massive homogeneity, and expecting others to completely accept your “smoothie life” mentality. Well, all that was my interpretation of what I heard.

All members of society are doing these things less frequently, so it is no surprise that the Millennials choose to engage in rule of etiquette less frequently. They were fostered to flourish in creativity and pave their own way, so its no surprise that etiquette was lost in translation. Because Millennials are less inclined to do what is expected, and are able to forge their own path, they may struggle defining exactly what that path should be.

So sum it up for God’s sake!

Today’s world is a drastically different planet. Shifts in family life, technology and globalization make for a radically different world than ever before. It is one of constant flux and uncertainty. The world as we know it is ever-changing. All generations need to be flexible, be mellow and allow. Every generation has its ways, methods and manners. The art of etiquette is more valuable than ever before, especially because it is so rare, and especially in our queer community.

So, is etiquette dead? I say hell no!

Living mindfully and enjoying all of life’s moments isn’t replacing manners, but it is changing the way we express them. It’s still important to show up — and show your appreciation and gratitude regardless of your queer age or generation. Thank you very much! Q

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 25

may 2015 | issue 243 | gaysaltlake.com

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26 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 2015 FABBY AWARDS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

Q2015 salt lake

FABBY

AWARDS

Our 11th annual FABBY Awards on our 11th birthday.

Each year, we ask you, our readers, to vote for your favorite places to shop, eat, drink and otherwise spend your hard-earned cash. This year, we received more ballots than any other. Without further ado, here are the winners for this year:

RESTAURANTS CHEAPEST EATS

The Other Place The after-rehearsal dinner run of the Salt Lake Men’s Choir gets this year’s first FABBY Award for giving you a lot of food for not a lot of dough. Owner Kosta Luras first came to the United States from Greece in 1977 to visit his uncle and moved here shortly after. In 1986 he opened his restaurant next to the dive bar, Andrew Luras’ Andy’s “The Place,” and called it “The Other Place.”

Andrew also owned “My Wife’s Place,” which turned into “X Wife’s Place” for obvious reasons. The Other Place Restaurant serves a mix of Greek and American cuisine for breakfast, lunch and dinner, with specialties including mezedakia — a variety of feta cheese, tomatoes, cucumbers, olives and the patron’s choice of chicken,

pork, lamb or smelts — and dolmathes, stuffed grape leaves.

There are daily specials and daily soups.

Tuesday is the yummy lemon rice soup. Greek salads are popular

bars and hotels. Mondays are two slices and a soft drink for $5.

Get on their Facebook page for daily pizza mash-ups, including a vegan choice.

RUNNERS-UP: LEFT FORK GRILL, TAQUERIA 27

RUNNERS-UP: ALBERTO’S, OFF TRAX, MEZQUITE MEXICAN GRILL

LATE-NIGHT EATS

BEST BREAKFAST

Open weekend nights until 3 a.m., our readers say Pie Hole is their favorite after-bar food stop. Pie Hole specializes in pizzas by the slice, which they will deliver for just two bucks to downtown

Once again, the top breakfast restaurant is Eggs in the City at 17th East, 13th South.

Heather Santi and staff are just some of the nicest people you will ever meet, and I believe they are a large

Pie Hole

Eggs in the City

part of the reason our community loves this place. From the incredible French toast to the huevos rancheros (try the green sauce) to the Greek skillet.

My fave: eggs Benedict. Get there early, as this place is popular on the weekends.

RUNNERS-UP: BLUE PLATE DINER, PENNY ANN’S, PIG & A JELLY JAR

VEGAN/VEGETARIAN

Sage’s Cafe

We may have to name this award after Sage’s.

The reason they win: the staff knows their veggies. While sitting

at the bar, I got to see first-hand when a diner ordered something they hoped was glutenfree and the kitchen caught that the protein they ordered was not.

The flavors are overthe-top and they have a beer and wine menu, so mimosas at brunch are no problem! You can also rent the Jade Room, named in honor of the Jade Restaurant that operated in the building for decades, for private events.

RUNNERS-UP: ZEST KITCHEN AND BAR, VERTICAL DINER

CONTEMPORARY FARE

Copper Onion

Copper Onion leads Salt Lake City on food trends. Owner and home-grown Utahn Ryan Lowder recognized his true passion for food when he moved to Portland, Oregon. He apprenticed under French-trained chef Lisa Schroeder then enrolled at the Culinary Institute of America in New

York. While a Chef de Partie at Restaurant Jean-Georges, Michelin guide awarded the restaurant 3 stars — its highest rating. Food is sourced locally, when possible, and noted on the menu. For a new experience, wander next door to Copper Common for a new take on “bar food.”

RUNNERS-UP: PAGO, THE DODO

BEST ASIAN

Oh Mai

I have yet to go to Oh Mai, or any Vietnamese sandwich kitchen, but after reading this review alone, I am headed there soon: “I don’t cry often, but when I do, it’s because of food like this. I’ve waited five years for a good Banh Mi sammich joint to find me in Utah, and at the stroke of luck one afternoon driving down State St., I saw one. And I went. And it was good. It was damn good. The decor and ambiance is like eating in a home. Shaking

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hands with the owner and chef made it a personal experience. The smoke-filled air in the room from the sweet honey glazed pork. I was really in the mood for Pho, and priced at only $6, I went for that and a $4 Banh Mi. Crispy 8” baguette, pickled carrots, fresh thin sliced jalapeno, cilantro and honey glazed grilled pork that made my soul tingle.”

Now that is a review!

RUNNERS-UP: SAPA, DAVID’S KITCHEN

BEST THAI

Sawadee Thai

Chef and owner Sawadee converted one of the few rundown buildings on South Temple for a home to her Thai restaurant back in 2006.

Sawadee is a paradise for the lunch crowd, offering excellent, reasonably priced food in a peaceful, elegant environment. Its $8.75 lunch special is one of the best deals in town, with a peanut saucedrizzled salad, rice and spring roll spring roll and two choices from a 20-odd item list of curries, coconut and chicken soups, even some barbecue dishes.

Dinners include stir fries, curries and duck and fish dishes.

RUNNERS-UP: THAI SIAM, EKAMAI THAI

SOUTH OF THE BORDER

Red Iguana

Since 1985, Red Iguana has been a Salt Lake staple, so much so they had to open a new location only two blocks away since the line runs down the street.

Both are thriving. They have been recognized nationwide for their moles and other authentic Mexican fare.

RUNNERS-UP: FRIDA BISTRO, TAQUERIA 27

BEST MEDITERRANEAN

Mazza

With locations in the 9th & 9th and 15th & 15th neighborhood, Mazza Middle Eastern Cuisine is no stranger to the FABBY Awards and other laudations. Our favorites: Maghmoor (eggplant, garbanzo beans and onions baked in an olive oil, tomato and garlic sauce) and the Chicken & Cauliflower Kabseh with fired raisins and pine nuts.

RUNNERS-UP: CAFE MED, ARISTO’S

BEST SUSHI

Takashi

Right downtown in a gorgeous building, Takashi pushes the envelope of contempo-

rary Japanese cuisine, presenting unrivaled sushi, sashimi and hot dishes alongside Salt Lake’s most extensive selection of sake.

RUNNERS-UP: SAPA, KYOTO

BEST STEAK HOUSE

Ruby River

Ruby River is known for their full-pound prime rib and New York steaks at affordable prices. Starting off with sourdough bread and raspberry spread and finishing with real bacon in their baked potato, people never leave unsatisfied.

RUNNERS-UP: CHRISTOPHER’S, COPPER ONION

expanded to four restaurants and a Salt Lake delivery location.

Just know, however, that the South Jordan Pie won’t let us distribute there. Just sayin’.

Maybe put a bug in someone’s ear?

RUNNERS-UP: ESTE PIZZA, PIE HOLE, SETTEBELLO

BEST COFFEEHOUSE

The People’s Coffee

Nick James toppled the eternal coffeehouse FABBY Award winner in his very first year. He does say he learned the trade at the Coffee Garden, so there is a nod to them after all. James launched a salon at the Broadway Shops, which he rebranded to Nick James Hair Salon just this week. He also

wanted to be more about community, and a coffeehouse is all about community. He sold the salon, yet still cuts hair, to open The People’s Coffee, which stocks goods from Caffe Ibis, Publik, The Queen’s Tea, Mezzo and Eva’s Bakery.

RUNNERS-UP: COFFEE GARDEN, BEANS & BREW

I can’t wait to sip on champagne and enjoy delicious food on the new Sage's Cafe patio

BEST SEAFOOD

Market Street

Hands-down, there is no competition here.

Flying the freshest fish from around the world, you can’t beat Market Street. A New York friend marvels that he has to “fly to the middle of the desert to get a great clam chowder.”

Ask about The Jade Room

RUNNERS-UP: CURRENT, ICHIBAN

BEST PIZZA

Pie Pizzeria In all the years of the FABBY Awards, the Pie Pizzeria comes out way on top. Starting in a basement near the UofU, they have

234 W 900 S | WWW.SAGESCAFE.COM | 801-322-3790

28 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 2015 FABBY AWARDS

Q2015 salt lake

FABBY

AWARDS

BEST WINE SELECTION

BTG Wine Bar

The owners of one of my favorite restaurants — Caffe Molise — bring you BTG Wine Bar, serving over 75 wines By The Glass, cocktails, beer, and a small bites menu. They also offer the full menu from Caffe Molise. Wines are offered in 2- and 5-ounce pours as well as by the bottle.

BEST MICRO BREWERY

Squatters

Squatters Brew Pub has a long history of support for LGBT organizations, not to mention great beer and delicious food. What you may not know is that they have $2 mimosas and bloody marys for weekend brunch. Oh, who am I kidding? Of course you knew that.

RUNNERS-UP: EPIC, DESERT EDGE

BEST SANDWICHES

Moochies

What you may not know is that the home to the best Philly cheese steak sandwich west of ... well ... Philadelphia, was once home to the only lesbian-owned coffeehouse in the 80s.

Moochies Meatballs brings the city of brotherly love to the sisterwives state. Don’t miss the housemade Jumpin’ Jalapeño sauce.

RUNNERS-UP: TOASTERS, OH MAI

BEST SALADS

Cafe Rio

We generally disqualify chain businesses in the FABBYs, but Cafe Rio is Utah-based, started in St. George. Based on the number of copy-cat recipes for the Cafe Rio sweet pork salad you can find through a Google search, it is a favorite of many.

RUNNERS-UP: DODO, ZUPAS

BEST PASTRIES

Gourmandise

While Gourmandise started out as a pastryonly place, it’s definitely no longer that. Always packed, they now also offer breakfast (paninis, french toast and quiche), lunch (sandwiches and salads) and a small plates dinner.

RUNNERS-UP: LES MADELEINES, TULIE

BEST SUNDAY BRUNCH

Market Street/ Oyster Bar A gay brunch tradition for as long as I’ve been around — and that’s a long time — Market Street has the best food for the best value, some of the cutest wait-staff and customers, and a great vibe.

RUNNERS-UP: PIG & A JELLY JAR, RUTH’S DINER

BEST IN PARK CITY

Squatters Roadhouse Grill

Healthy ingredients (some grown right at the restaurant) environmentally friendly products and longterm relationships with local farmers and growers make Squat-

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

ters different than a lot of the other larger restaurants in the area.

From its menus that help you match the perfect brew to the food, to the two-buck marys and mimosas on weekends.

RUNNERS-UP: RIVER HORSE, HANDLE

BEST IN OGDEN

Roosters Brewing Co.

For over 20 years, Roosters — housed in a 120-year-old building that has been everything from a Chinese laundry to a house of ill repute — has been an Ogden institution. On historic 25th Street, you will meet all kinds of people at Roosters, from mud-soaked bikers (probably owners Pete and Kym Buttschardt) to formal-clad business owners, dining on a pepper jack flat iron steak that will make you cry on Kym’s capellini, all served with high-octane beers brewed on the premises.

RUNNERS-UP: TONA SUSHI, UNION GRILL

BARS

BEST GAY BAR

JAM

QSaltLake readers know this bar is true.

Packed every weekend, especially conference weekends, the bar is known for great music and a great crowd.

Sundays bring monthly events that you won’t find elsewhere in the state, as well.

RUNNER-UP: CLUB TRYANGLES, SUN TRAPP

BEST DANCE CLUB

JAM

RUNNER-UP: METRO, CLUB TRY-ANGLES

BEST GAY-FRIENDLY STRAIGHT BAR

Bar-X

Wildly-popular Bar-X, and its new sister Beer Bar, are also popular with Salt Lake’s LGBT community for providing a welcoming environment in the heart of downtown. Best place to be for the Utah Pride Parade.

RUNNER-UP: GREEN PIG, TAVERNACLE

BEST KARAOKE

Tavernacle

Tavernacle has karaoke four nights a week, sometimes with bingo!

A great crowd. Applaud for the great singers, and applaud for the singers you are happy are off the stage.

RUNNER-UP: JAM, SUN TRAPP

BEST AFTERNOON CROWD

Club Try-Angles

You know when you’ve had a rough day and you just need to run to a bar and unwind? Our readers have voted that Club Try-Angles is the place to go.

RUNNER-UP: SUN TRAPP, GREEN PIG

BEST WEEKEND BAR NIGHTS: FRIDAY NIGHT

Club Try-Angles

SATURDAY NIGHT

Metro

SUNDAY NIGHT

Club Try-Angles There. Your weekend is planned out for you.

CHEAPEST DRINKS

Club Try-Angles

We’ve often wondered about doing an inventory of drink prices, but I doubt we’d come up with a different winner.

Gene stacks ’em deep and sells ’em cheap.

RUNNERS-UP: SUN TRAPP, CHEERS TO YOU

BEST MONTHLY BAR EVENT

CODE at Jam

Brought to you by blackBOOTS, CODE at JAM actually does have a dress code. You must be in some kind of leather/fetich gear, or at the very least a black t-shirt and jeans. This event quickly took the scene.

RUNNERS-UP: LEATHER & GEAR NIGHT @ CLUB TRY-ANGLES, UNDERWEAR NIGHT @ CLUB TRYANGLES

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may 2015 | issue 243 | gaysaltlake.com

BEST SPORTS CLUB

Lumpy’s

Lumpy’s is the largest downtown sports bar with three levels focused around sports.

Downstairs are pool tables, big buck hunter, real darts and foosball with big screen TVs on every wall, the main floor has six 110-inch screen projectors and TVs at every booth. The top floor has a dance floor so after all the sporting events you can dance the throughout the night.

RUNNERS-UP: FIDDLER’S ELBOW, LEGENDS

ARTS

BEST LOCAL THEATRE COMPANY

Plan-B Theatre Co.

Plan-B has produced 83 world premieres since it first raised its curtain in 1991. It is the only theatre company in Utah fully devoted to the development and production of new plays by Utah playwrights, and, as noted by the Dramatists Guild of America, the only professional theatre company in the United States producing full seasons of new work by local playwrights.

Plan-B is also the only theatre company in Utah history to publish anthologies of its work, to have toured coast-to-coast, toured internationally and transferred a production off-Broadway.

QSaltLake readers are obviously proud of our Plan-B. RUNNERS-UP: SALT LAKE ACTING COMPANY, PIONEER THEATRE COMPANY

BEST ART GALLERY OR MUSEUM

Utah Museum of Fine Arts

The Utah Museum of Fine Arts is unique in its dual role as a university and state art museum. It is Utah’s only visual arts institution that collects, exhibits, interprets, and preserves a comprehensive collection of over 5,000 years of art from around the world. It started as a formal art gallery on the top floor of the Park Building in the early 1900s. It is now Utah’s flagship art museum, preserving a collection of more than 19,000 original art objects from around the world. Today the UMFA strives to give everyone the opportunity to experience different ideas, values, and cultures from its extensive art collections.

RUNNERS-UP: THE LEONARDO, UTAH MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART

BEST LOCAL VISUAL ARTIST

Grant Fuhst

You seen his work in theater play bills, CD covers, posters, local art galleries and San Francisco, Park City, and Los Angeles. The mixedmedia painter, painting since a pup, says his early influences were old sci-fi and monster movies and comics.

RUNNERS-UP: CAT PALMER, SCOTT TUCKFIELD

BEST LOCAL PLAY

Saturday’s Voyeur San Francisco has its Beach Blanket Babylon, Salt Lake has its Saturday’s Voyeur by Allen Nevins & Nancy Borgenicht, at the Salt Lake Acting Company.

Going on its 38th year,

Voyeur is a voice for liberals in Utah. This funny, raucous, truly unique, musical satire written “for us and about us” gives Utahns a place to laugh and love living here.

RUNNERS-UP: MARRY CHRISTMAS BY PLAN-B THEATRE COMPANY, BARE BY UTAH REPERTORY THEATRE COMPANY

BEST LOCAL DANCE COMPANY

RDT

In 1966 Virginia Tanner had a fabulous vision – create a dance company for cutting edge American Modern Dance.

It would venerate the masters and take it to the people, hence, Repertory Dance Theatre.

RDT has performed in Bicknell, Utah and Vienna, Austria, in schools and opera houses, from gymnasiums to the Kennedy Center. The talented company of nine dancers performs work of the legendary Isadora Duncan and Doris Humphrey, the revolutionary Merce Cunningham and Michio Ito and dance original choreography.

RUNNERS-UP: BALLET WEST, RIRIE WOODBURY

BEST LOCAL MUSICIAN/BAND

Salt Lake Men’s Choir

SLMC has been around longer than many of its members, and many of its members have been around longer than dirt. The group has performed at the Gay Games in Sydney Australia, the National Cathedral in Washington D.C. and the St. George Opera House.

Christmas concerts are a community tradition.

RUNNER UP: SISTER WIVES, BULLETS & BELLES

The 5th Annual

Urban

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30 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 2015 FABBY AWARDS

SHOPPING

assorted apparel items.

RUNNERS-UP: DECADES, SPARK

BEST LOCAL SHOP FOR BUDGET FASHION

BEST LOCAL SHOP FOR HIGH-END FASHION

In Bountiful, Murray and Downtown SLC, this gently used clothing store combines the owners’ years of experience in the fashion and beauty biz and an eye for quality. Customers will find brand name and designer clothing and accessories at up to 70 percent less than retail. Uptown Cheapskate focuses on buying current styles of apparel, shoes and accessories that appeal to a wide range of teens and young adults. In addition to carrying hundreds of recycled items, the store also offers many new products including jewelry and

The Chalk Garden Co-op sells clothing, shoes and accessories and includes the Lanny Barnard Gallery and a Lunatic Fringe Salon.

The store is located on Main Street, near the City Creek Center.

The 5,600-square-foot venue formerly housed a bank and features 16foot ceilings and marble floors. Two former safes now function as dressing rooms.

Uptown Cheapskate Chalk Garden Co-Op

RUNNERS UP: Q CLOTHING, UTAH WOOLEN MILLS

BEST LOCAL SHOP FOR SHOES

Spark

“We like to find more affordable designer

clothing that is original and high-quality from smaller designers,” said LeBaron, owner of Spark/Cockers. “And we only order small quantities so you won’t ever run into someone at the club wearing the same shoes.” With an ever-changing stock of pants, shirts, shoes, underwear and accessories, there’s no telling what you’ll find from one week to the next.

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

taste in vintage (I mean Joan Crawford would love it) clothing. This store is not for the faint of heart, it’s packed, stacked and guarded by a cat with attitude.

I mean a real pussy cat.

There is also attitude galore from a knowledgeable staff, but as a Queen on a shopping spree, it won’t bother you. Gowns, gloves, shoes, coats—it’s all there on State Street.

RUNNERS UP: CHANDLER’S WALK SHOP, ZURIICK

RUNNER UP: PIBBS EXCHANGE, DESERET INDUSTRIES

BEST LOCAL SHOP FOR DRAG ATTIRE

BEST LOCAL BOOK STORE

Decades

All right girls, and you know who I mean, when it’s time to dazzle the crowd or do the Jackie O for high tea, you will do well to start at Decades. A big store, lots of selection, and fine buying

King’s English Tucked away in the charming 15th and 15th Shopping district is a fabby little store on the corner which must have inspired Nora Ephron.

A warren of shelves and rooms stacked with new books and dis-

played by people who love books. This is the place for the romance novels, philosophical tracts, histories, cook books and any almost other topic in the card catalog. You get to talk to very nice people who are also very smart about books and they don’t mind browsers.

It’s locally owned, just one location, park your car a block a way and walk through a beautiful neighborhood or park in their lot.

RUNNER UP: WELLER BOOKS, KEN SANDERS

BEST CONSIGNMENT STORE FOR FURNITURE AND HOME DÉCOR

Now & Again

Now & Again offers a great selection of pre-owned 50s–70s atomic, retro, modern, mod and mid-century

modern furniture, Danish furniture, art and accessories. Take in your antiques and contemporary home decor items and modern furniture, see if it will sell.

Michael Sanders and company love vintage bar items, cocktail sets, bar carts …anything retro cocktail style.

RUNNERS-UP: HOME AGAIN, EMILIE JAYNE

BEST UNDERWEAR SELECTION

Spark/Cockers

Nothing feels better than some sexy, fabulous underwear. Even if no one sees them, you feel great just having it on. Trolley Square is the place to get your “subconsciously self confidence” inspiring briefs. It’s called Sparks.

It’s not just a place for underwear, but it may be the best place with

TWIGS 801-596-2322 1616 S 1100 E Salt Lake City twigsflowerco.com Free Delivery Available

WINNER

StillVoted FABBY after all these years BEST IN UTAH by Salt Lake Magazine, City Weekly, QSaltLake, Pillar and Catalyst

2015 FABBY AWARDS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 31

may 2015 | issue 243 | gaysaltlake.com

dozens of high fashion, sexy underwear labels like: Andrew Christian , N2N, Cell Block, Nasty Pig, Papi, Diesel.

BEST LOCAL SHOP FOR JEWELRY

Charley Hafen Jewelry

On 1100 east there’s a tidy, remodeled two story, former grocery store. Inside is one of the Intermountain West’s real jewelry artistes, Charley Hafen.

He has ready made, artisan jewelry on hand, set amongst an art gallery featuring local artists.

Charley’s magic is his design and consultation.

Working with Charley is fabulous experience — you end up with a beautiful, one-of-a-kind piece of jewelry art and have the pleasure of working with an artist and a gentleman.

RUNNERS-UP: 9TH&9TH JEWELERS, UNHINGED

BEST ANTIQUE STORE

Abode

Abode is a consignment shop that accepts fun and FUNKY items from 12-5 Tuesday through Friday. They take vintage and antique items that have remained in “loved but lovely” condition as well as refurbished items and anything newish that makes them go “wow!”

They publish a fun and funky blog at abodeabode.blogspot.com and their shop has a great, welcoming vibe.

RUNNER UP: NOW & AGAIN, ANTHONY’S

BEST FLOWER SHOP

Twigs

Raymond King has been part of the community ever since there was one. He has donated thousands of arrange-

ments and centerpieces for the Utah AIDS Foundation, Equality Utah and probably every other organization out there. His shop is on 11th East and has not only flowers, but baubles and doodads that you will want to fill your house with.

RUNNERS-UP: THE ART FLORAL, ESPECIALLY FOR YOU

BEST GIFT SHOP

Cahoots

Some times a customer says it best, from a YELP review: “This is the place for eccentric gift-givers who like to really push the boundaries. While they certainly have a kitschy appeal, they really have a little bit of everything.

You could sit in their large card section and laugh for hours (I’m sure they’d love that), pick up some bacon flavored lollipops (there is a God), or head back to the “adult section” if you’re looking for something a little more X-rated. In addition to all the blasphemy, they actually have some nicer things — cool decorative stuff, fancy wine bottle toppers, bath & body things that are normal and not bacon scented ... you know, “normal” things if you’re into that.”

RUNNER UP: HIP AND HUMBLE, BOOZETIQUE

BEST ADULT TOY STORE

Cahoots

Really, now, what’s an “adult toy”? Does it have to be sexy, sexual, stimulative, pleasure giving, a little naughty, funny, a bit rude, maybe crude, flexible, flesh colored, soft, hard, furry, shaved? Well yes.

Cahoots has them and they aren’t ashamed

to show ‘em, sell ‘em, promote ‘em. They’ll consult with you, advise you and laugh with you as you buy just the right toy for just the right circumstance. Shop alone, come as a couple or a group-Cahoots will have just the toy you need to tickle your adult fancy. It’s the perfect store for the 9th and 9th community.

Friendly, fun and right next door to a fine coffee shop.

RUNNER UP: DAHLIA ROOM, MISCHIEVOUS

Pride Counseling Jerry Buie MSW, LCSW

• • • • • •

SUPPORT GROUPS HOLISTIC APPROACH BUILD INTIMACY & TRUST EXPLORE SPIRITUAL OPTIONS STRENGTHEN RELATIONSHIPS TRANSGENDER ISSUES

801-595-0666 OFFICE 801-557-9203 CELL 1174 E GRAYSTONE WAY, STE 20-E JERRYBUIE@MAC.COM WWW.PRIDECOUNSELING.TV

SERVICES

Winner

BEST COUNSELING

2013 2014 and 2015

Pride Counseling

Jerry Buie has been providing counseling services to LGBT community for over a decade. “Gay clients should not have to educate their therapist about their mindset or validate their lifestyle,” he says on his web site.

This is probably one of the reasons he’s won a FABBY in this category for as long as there have been FABBY Awards.

Fabby Award

“Best Chiropractic Clinic”

• No Appointments • Convenient Hours • Expert Care • Personalized

Treatment Plans • Open 7 Days a Week*

We've Got Your Back Utah LBGTQ!

RUNNERS-UP: DON AUSTIN, UTAH PRIDE CENTER

BEST CHIROPRACTOR

The Joint

In just a few short years, the Joint has become a major part of the community — and not just LGBTQ. Sugar House is a better place because of owner James Adelman’s leadership in the Sugar House business and cultural community.

It’s a formula which works, The Joint has been at the top if not the top location in the nationwide franchise.

RUNNERS-UP: JEREMY WIMMER, TERRY H MARTIN

1126 E. 2100 S *Sugar House in Whole Foods Center

(801) 467-8683 M-F 10-7, Sa-Su 10-5

6910 S. Highland Dr Cottonwood Heights in Whole Foods Center

(801) 943-3163 M-F 10-7, Sa 10-4

saltlakecitychiropractor-thejoint.com *Offer valid for first visit only. Member rates start at $12.25 per visit. Initial visit includes consultation, exam and adjustment. - Dr. Sean Smith, Chiropractic Physician

32 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 2015 FABBY AWARDS

BEST GYM

friendly staff do their thing in a very nice, clean, safe environment.

When asked about church attendance, most of us say we are regulars. Of course we mean going to the gym. 24 Hour Fitness brought a Pacific Coast gym atmosphere to Utah almost 15 years ago opening in Sugar House. Now we can sweat it out at 7 full service fitness clubs from Provo to Trolley.

RUNNERS-UP SLC INK, IRIS PIERCING

24-Hour Fitness

RUNNERS-UP: THE GYM, PLANET FITNESS

BEST PIERCING STUDIO

Koi Piercing Studio In an artsy looking corner building on 11th East and 9th South is the home Fabby Koi Piercing. Huge selection of bangles and bobbles to decorate every body part. A very hip and

BEST HAIR SALON

Salon NV

Salon NV was established in 1991 by people seeking to create a unique environment for clients and staff. Customers appreciate the friendly, knowledgeable team of stylists, nail artists, and estheticians who are all self-employed, independent contractors. Various personal touches throughout the salon create an atmosphere of comfort and relaxation.

RUNNERS-UP: MATHEW LANDIS, THE HIVE ON MAIN

BEST MASSAGE

Kura Door

Once again, this holistic

Japanese spa sweeps this category with its eight different kinds of massage, including four hands and hot stone.

Faaahhhhbulous.

RUNNERS-UP: KEVIN GUZIK, JONI WEISS

BEST REAL ESTATE AGENT

Babs De Lay

Babs has helped build this community since the 70s and continues to do so today. Babs has been in real estate for over 30 years and owns Urban Utah Homes and Estates and is now chair of the Downtown Merchants Association.

Babs’ core value is “It’s not what my city can do for me, it’s what I can do for my city!” JFK would be proud.

RUNNERS-UP: MARY OLSEN, KELLY FAVERO

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

BEST PHOTOGRAPHER

David Daniels

We might as well name this award after him.

David (or Dav.d) is at many, many gay functions with a camera glued to his eye. He likes to shoot events and weddings of all kinds and portrait work in interesting settings.

RUNNERS-UP: D’ARCY BENINCOSA, AUSTEN DIAMOND

sociation and managing editor of the Journal of Law and Family Studies.

Chris helped lead a team of attorneys that submitted a brief of amicus curiae (or “friend of the court” brief) to the United States Supreme Court, arguing for equal treatment of LGBT families under the law.

RUNNERS-UP: CHRIS WHARTON, JESSE NIX, PEGGY TOMSIC

BEST CATERER

BEST LAWYER

Le Croissant Catering

Chris donates much of his time to helping build this community and representing those who kay not have the means to do so themselves.

He is vice chair of the Utah Pride Center and was president of the S.J. Quinney College of Law at the University of Utah Student Bar As-

If you are at a swank event in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and ally community, you are most certainly enjoying the food of Le Croissant Catering.

The family team of John and Kelly Lake, Chris Lake, Christopher Sanchez and the rest of the team know how make your event the talk of the town, from

Christopher Wharton

incredible food to creative presentation.

Remember the Love Elevated Mass Wedding Reception? Wouldn’t have happened without Le Croissant.

RUNNERS-UP: CULINARY CRAFTS, CUISINE UNLIMITED.

BEST INSURANCE AGENT

Jon Jepsen

Jon Jepsen gives back to his community, and people see it.

Jepsen is on the Utah Pride Center Board of Directors and was on the Salt Lake City Human Rights Commission, was Equality Utah Allies Dinner Chairman and has many initials after his name on his business card, which reads his title as “Insurance Artist.”

RUNNERS-UP: STEVEN FISHER, JANET SILOTTI

We are FABBY because you are!

We’re different:

• No Kenneling • No Caging • No Sedation, • Just One-on-One Care • All Small Dogs, Teacups, Toys & Minis • Professionally Groomed with Patience and Skill

Easy to get to...

Sharon K. Foster Thanks Q Readers!

• For trusting us with your little “furbabies” • For choosing as a Fabby winner • For being Fabby Pet guardians and companions Don’t forget the Animal Rescue Organizations

• Utah Humane Society: utahhumane.org • Best Friends: bestfriends.org • Rescue Rovers: facebook.com/RescueRoversAdoptions

They NEED your help

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2015 FABBY AWARDS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 33

may 2015 | issue 243 | gaysaltlake.com

BEST PET GROOMER

Teacup Nannies

Sharon Foster is a smalldog whisperer. If you have a “trouble” dog that has had problems getting groomed, she’s your girl. She doesn’t kennel or cage. She does not believe in sedation. She just knows how to get a dog to love and trust her enough to do a great grooming job. She also gives back to the community in a big way.

RUNNERS-UP: DOGS R US, BACK PORCH MOBILE GROOMING

BEST RADIO STATION

X96

Once again by a landslide, X-96 and Radio from Hell took top honors in the FABBY voting. How could any other station compete when they have Sister Dottie S. Dixon as a regular?

RUNNERS-UP: KUER, KRCL

BEST TELEVISION NEWS

KUTV 2News

This year, once again, QSaltLake readers went along with the Nielsen families to choose 2 News as their favorite television news program.

RUNNER-UP: FOX 13

PEOPLE

BEST LEADER OF A QUEER ORGANIZATION

Troy Williams

We can probably thank, in part, former Sen. Chris Buttars for propelling Troy Williams into queer activism.

As the curmudgeon, serpent-tongued legislator pushed against the LGBT community,

Williams fought back by holding Buttarspalooza while he was a producer of RadioActive at KRCL. Williams went from attempting last year to shut down the Utah Legislature in protest to working with legislative leaders as executive director of Equality Utah on a compromise bill that is being lauded across the nation as a way for religions and LGBT rights advocates to work together.

BEST BARTENDER

RUNNERS-UP: CONNIE ANAST (TEA OF UTAH), MICHAEL SANDERS (BLACKBOOTS)

Robbie Robb is a marketing professional by day, DJ and bar promoter by night.

He provides the thumps at Metro Bar and you can help him become part of the show at MATINÉE Las Vegas this Memorial Day Weekend at facebook. com/matineeparties

BEST LOCAL POLITICIAN

Sen. Jim Dabakis From Chairman of the Utah Democratic Party to the floor of the Utah State Senate, Jim Dabakis has been a constant voice for the LGBT community in Utah. Sen. Dabakis was front-and-center in the legislative compromise SB296 and lauded as a “true statesman” by members across the aisle. This month, he announced his plans to run for Salt Lake City Mayor.

RUNNERS-UP: SIM GIL, JACKIE BISKUPSKI

BEST LOCAL ACTOR

Charles Lynn Frost

Continuing his famous role as Sister Dottie S. Dixon, Charles Lynn Frost has become one of the most prominent fixtures of local theater and radio. Charles has shattered barriers and opened up vital conversations. He combines wit and intellect with comedy and drama to push the boundaries of the LGBT conversation in Utah.

RUNNERS-UP: NELL GWYNN, ALEXIS BAIGUE

Max Garrett

Club JAM’s drink-slinger gets this year’s Fabby as Best Bartender. Max has been with JAM since 2013. He is married his husband Mike during the 17 days when samesex marriage was legal in Utah.

RUNNERS-UP: JOHNNY (SUN-TRAPP), JIM (TRYANGLES)

BEST LOCAL DJ

DJ Robbie Robb

RUNNERS-UP: DJ HARRY CROSS, JR., DJ LICIOUS

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801-308-2050

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BEST RADIO PERSONALITY

Kerry, Bill & Gina This year, our readers went for a 3-way in the radio personality slot.

Hots of Radio from Hell on X96 take top honors this year for the first time. And they have good taste. They have Sister Dottie S. Dixon and drag queens as regular visitors. How could you go wrong?

RUNNERS-UP: DOUG FABRIZIO, BAD BRAD WHEELER

BEST NEWS ANCHOR

Hope Woodside

Though readers chose 2News as top station, they chose Hope Woodside as top anchor by a wide margin. Could it have anything to do with the fact she has attended the FABBY Awards for many years now? Or is it just that she’s hot,

subscribe to QSaltLake and never miss an issue qmartstore.com

34  |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  | 2015 FABBY AWARDS

personable, has impeccable taste in outfits and is good at what she does? Who knows?

RUNNERS-UP: MARY NICKLES, SHAUNA LAKE, MARK KOEBEL

BEST TV NEWS REPORTER

Ben Winslow

The hardest-working television news reporter in the state once again is rewarded for his efforts with a FABBY Award. Find him in August at the Utah Pride Golf Classic, where he will be sipping bloody marys in his golf cart.

We have yet to see him

with golf club in hand.

RUNNERS-UP: CHRIS MILLER 2NEWS, RICH PIATT

GROUPS

BEST SOCIAL GROUP

blackBOOTS

A brand-spanking-new group has come to town and it is taking names and ... letting them in the door. blackBOOTS is a leather/ fetish group that has monthly events in a secret location, coffee clatches, a monthly night at JAM called CODE and other events like fetish gear swap

meets. Find them on Facebook.

RUNNERS-UP: SAGE, SPICY DINNER

BEST POLITICAL GROUP

Stonewall Democrats The Democratic party has had an LGBT caucus since the very early 90s and the group has always been a force to recon with. These days, few Democrats can make it through convention without the support of the group.

RUNNERS-UP: EQUALITY UTAH, TEA OF UTAH

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

BEST HEALTH/ RESOURCES GROUP

BEST RELIGIOUS GROUP

The Utah AIDS Foundation offers assistance and expertise to anyone struggling with HIV/ AIDS and any of the complex issues that surround it. Their core of dedicated employees and highly trained and compassionate volunteers work tirelessly to improve the lives of people living with HIV/ AIDS.

Living their credo of “good without god,� the Atheists of Utah are a powerful force in our community. In addition to their constant work to separate religion from law in Utah, the AofU members are always involved in one project or another, from highway clean-up projects to fundraisers and volunteer service projects for groups like the Homeless Youth Resource Center.

Utah AIDS Foundation

RUNNERS-UP: UTAH PRIDE CENTER, PLANNED PARENTHOOD

+VOF *TTVF

(BZ '3& 4BMU-BL & F DP N

15

Atheists of Utah

RUNNERS-UP: FIRST

BAPTIST CHURCH OF SALT LAKE CITY, MORMONS BUILDING BRIDGES

BEST SPORTS ORGANIZATION

Cheer Salt Lake Cheer Salt Lake is our local adult cheer for charity team. Since 2011 they have been performing at a number of events and collecting money to benefit health and wellness related charities, supporting groups working in the HIV/AIDS, breast cancer, and other life threatening medical arenas.

RUNNERS-UP: QUAC, QKICKBALL

salt la ke

65" ) 4 ( ": &4#*" / #*4 &96 "- 5 3"/ 4(&/ %&3 "/% "-:

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-4

BIBLE SCHOOL | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 35

may 2015 | issue 243 | gaysaltlake.com

11 things the Bible bans, but people do anyway Yesterday,

I found myself in a discussion about the anti-abortion people. The reason: It’s just incomprehensible to us that people get so zealous about that issue that they’ll go as far as to murder doctors who perform abortions and bomb abortion clinics.

The conversation then took its natural turn to selective, self-serving interpretations of the Bible... finding a few verses that you can use to justify a position that lets you impose your morality on someone, and riding those verses hard and fast for the rest of your life.

So I thought it’d be a good time to find a bunch of stuff that the Bible bans... stuff that’s a lot LESS convenient. Don’t worry, though... just because I’m pointing it out, that doesn’t mean you now have to follow it. It’s a lot easier to keep discriminating against gay people for no particular reason than to stop eating bacon, after all.

Here are 11 things that are technically banned by the Bible: ROUND HAIRCUTS. See you in Hell, Beatles... and/or kids with bowl cuts, surfer cuts or (my favorite) butt cuts. Leviticus 19:27 reads “You shall not round off the sidegrowth of your heads nor harm the edges of your beard.”

FOOTBALL. At least, the pure version of football, where you play with a pigskin. The modern synthetic footballs are ugly and slippery anyways. Leviticus 11:8, which is discussing pigs, reads “You shall not eat of their flesh nor touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you.”

And you’re doubly breaking that if you wake up, eat some sausage then go throw around the football. Or go to the county fair and enter a greased pig catching contest.

FORTUNE TELLING. Before you call a 900 number (do people still call 900 numbers?), read your horoscope or crack open a fortune cookie, realize you’re in huge trouble if you do. Leviticus 19:31 reads “Do not turn to mediums or spiritists; do not seek them out to be defiled by them. I am the Lord your God.” The penalty for that? Check Leviticus 20:6: “As for the person who turns to mediums and to spiritists, to play the harlot after them, I will also set My face against that person and will cut him off from among his people.”

Seems like a lifetime of exile is a pretty harsh penalty for talking to Zoltar.

PULLING OUT. The Bible doesn’t get too much into birth control... it’s clearly pro-

populating but, back when it was written, no one really anticipated the condom or the sponge, so those don’t get specific bans.

But... pulling out does. One of the most famous sexual-oriented Bible verses... the one that’s used as anti-masturbation rhetoric... is actually anti-pulling out.

It’s Genesis 38:9-10: “Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord; so He took his life also.”

Yep -- pull out and get smote. That’s harsh.

TATTOOS. No tattoos. Leviticus 19:28 reads, “You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the Lord.”

Not even a little butterfly on your ankle.

Or Thug Life across your abdomen. Or even, fittingly enough, a cross.

POLYESTER, or any other fabric blends. The Bible doesn’t want you to wear polyester.

Not just because it looks cheap. It’s sinfully unnatural. Leviticus 19:19 reads, “You are to keep My statutes. You shall not breed together two kinds of your cattle; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together.”

Check the tag on your shirt right now.

Didn’t realize you were mid-sin at this exact second, did you? (Unless you checked the tag by rolling off your neighbor’s wife while you two were having anal sex in the middle of robbing a blind guy. Then your Lycra-spandex blend is really the least of your problems.)

DIVORCE. The Bible is very clear on this one: No divorcing. You can’t do it. Because when you marry someone, according to Mark 10:8, you “are no longer two, but one flesh.” And, Mark 10:9 reads, “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

Mark gets even more hardcore about it a few verses later, in Mark 10:11-12, “And He said to them, ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.’”

LETTING PEOPLE WITHOUT TESTICLES INTO CHURCH. Whether you’ve been castrated or lost one or two balls to cancer isn’t important. The Bible doesn’t get that specific.

It just says you can’t pray. Deuteronomy 23:1 reads (this is the God’s Word translation, which spells it out better), “A man whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off may never join the assembly of the Lord.”

Oh, and the next verse says that if you’re a bastard, the child of a bastard... or even have

a great-great-great-great-great-great-greatgrandchild of a bastard, you can’t come to church or synagogue either. Deuteronomy 23:2 reads, “No one of illegitimate birth shall enter the assembly of the Lord; none of his descendants, even to the tenth generation, shall enter the assembly of the Lord.”

WEARING GOLD. 1 Timothy 2:9 doesn’t like your gold necklace at all. Or your pearl necklace. Or any clothes you’re wearing that you didn’t get from Forever 21 or Old Navy.

“Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments.”

SHELLFISH. Leviticus 11:10 reads, “But whatever is in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales among all the teeming life of the water, and among all the living creatures that are in the water, they are detestable things to you.” And shellfish is right in that wheelhouse.

Leviticus 11 bans a TON of animals from being eaten (it’s THE basis for Kosher law); beyond shellfish and pig, it also says you can’t eat camel, rock badger, rabbit, eagle, vulture, buzzard, falcon, raven, crow, ostrich, owl, seagull, hawk, pelican, stork, heron, bat, winged insects that walk on four legs unless they have joints to jump with like grasshoppers (?), bear, mole, mouse, lizard, gecko, crocodile, chameleon and snail.

Sorry if that totally ruins your plans to go to a rock badger eat-off this weekend.

YOUR WIFE DEFENDING YOUR LIFE IN A FIGHT BY GRABBING YOUR ATTACKER’S GENITALS. No joke. Deuteronomy actually devotes two verses to this exact scenario: Deuteronomy 25:11-12.

“If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.”

That’s impossible to misinterpret. Ladies, if your husband is getting mugged, make sure to kick the mugger in the pills. Do not do the grip and squeeze (no matter what “Miss Congeniality” might advise). Or your hand needs to be cut off.

As a final note, I know that nine of these 11 cite the Old Testament, which Christianity doesn’t necessarily adhere to as law.

To which I say: If you’re going to ignore the section of Leviticus that bans about tattoos, pork, shellfish, round haircuts, polyester and football, how can you possibly turn around and quote Leviticus 18:22 (“You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination.”) as irrefutable law? Q

36 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

Tony’s Gay Agenda

BY TONY HOBDAY

CONCERTS Tuesdays with Morrie are dead and gone … damn, I’m a morbid betch!

Tuesdays are now all about a surge of great musical acts: My favorite being Walk Off The Earth. Some may call them posers, but I find them incredibly talented and humorous to boot.

19TUESDAY — ED SHEERAN

Energy Solutions Arena, 301 W. South Temple, 7:30pm. Tickets $53.50-63.50, smithtix.com

26

of art and microbrews. But if memory serves, Josh’s idea of great art is anything with red velvet and pairs only

The Complex, 536 W. 100 South, 7pm. Tickets $25-30, smithtix.com

14THURSDAY — FLUID ART

with a 40-ounce bottle of Colt 45!

Utah Museum of Contemporary Art,

20 S. West Temple, 7pm. Tickets $30, arttix.

Ass Show … that’s not a racist com-

DANCE

ment, right? Anyhoo, the annual series

Now that Ballet West has rid itself of that nasty beer hangover in April … and that nasty stalker Joshua Jones, the

Panic! At The Disco, plus many more.

the Utah Brewers Guild for an evening

TUESDAY — AN EVENING WITH WALK OFF THE EARTH

Then there’s the black sheep, the Big

includes Rage Against the Machine and

Contemporary Art is pairing up with

org

THEATRE/OPERA Pioneer Theatre stages the classic musical, The Music Man — a nostalgic look at a great era and a great love. The Utah Opera battles the devil, as only articulated by the great composer Igor Stravinksy and orchestrated by Thierry Fischer. Wasatch Theatre Company brings back their Page-to-Stage Festival, featuring up-and-coming local playwrights, composers, actors, stagehands, set designers, ushers ... you name it and they will come. Enjoy!

1FRIDAY — THE MUSIC MAN

Pioneer Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, UofU,

5TUESDAY — SICK OF SARAH Tickets $8, 24tix.com

company is proud to present its annual show, Innovations, a sure-fire complex, compelling and charismatic ballet.

— X96 TOYOTA BIG ASS SHOW 8FRIDAY

15FRIDAY — INNOVATIONS

Kilby Court, 750 S. 301 West, 7pm.

USANA Amphitheatre, 5125 S. 6400 West, 3pm. Tickets $30-60, smithtix.com

12

TUESDAY — FOSTER THE PEOPLE

The Complex, 536 W. 100 South, 7pm. Tickets $35, smithtix.com PHOTO: BALLET WEST BY BEAU PEARSON

Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 7:30pm, through May 23. Tickets $49.50, arttix.org

SPECIAL ENGAGEMENTS Oh lord, here’s another beer event for Joshua Jones. The Utah Museum of

times vary, through May 16. Tickets $38-64, pioneertheatre.org

— THE RAKE’S PROGRESS 9SATURDAY

Capitol Theatre, 50 W, 200 South, 7:30pm, through May 15, 2pm on May 17. Tickets $10-95, arttix.com

— PAGETO-STAGE FESTIVAL 21THURSDAY

Studio Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 8pm, through May 23. Tickets $15, arttix.org

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 37

may 2015 | issue 243 | gaysaltlake.com

FRIDAY • MAY 22

MONDAY • JULY 27 UNDER THE SUN TOUR

PASSION PIT with

SUGAR RAY, BETTER THAN EZRA, UNCLE KRACKER, EVE 6

HOLYCHILD

TUESDAY • MAY 26

THE DECEMBERISTS with

TUESDAY • AUGUST 4

ALABAMA SHAKES

WARTIME BLUES

WEDNESDAY • MAY 27

THURSDAY • AUGUST 6

CHROMEO & ODESZA with

MICHAEL FRANTI & SPEARHEAD

CLASSIXX (DJ SET)

FRIDAY • AUGUST 7

FRIDAY • MAY 29

JOHN FOGERTY

LINDSEY STIRLING

WEDNESDAY • AUGUST 12

TUESDAY • JUNE 2

RYAN ADAMS FRIDAY • JUNE 12 WHEELS OF SOUL 2015 SUMMER TOUR

TRAMPLED BY TURTLES THE DEVIL MAKES THREE

SUNDAY • AUGUST 16

TEDESCHI TRUCKS BAND

BRANDI CARLILE

SHARON JONES AND THE DAP-KINGS with

with

DOYLE BRAMHALL II

RODRIGO Y GABRIELA

TUESDAY • JUNE 16

COODER - WHITE - SKAGGS with

TUESDAY • AUGUST 18

ROBERT EARL KEEN

WILCO

THURSDAY • JUNE 25

ROB THOMAS with

MONDAY • AUGUST 24

BUENA VISTA SOCIAL CLUB

PLAIN WHITE T’S

TUESDAY • AUGUST 25

THURSDAY • JULY 9

BRIAN WILSON

GARRISON KEILLOR’S A PRAIRIE HOME COMPANION

RODRIGUEZ

AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL TOUR 2015

TUESDAY • JULY 14

HANK WILLIAMS, JR.

MONDAY • AUGUST 31

YES & TOTO

SUNDAY • JULY 19 SWEET HARMONY SOUL FEATURING

MAVIS STAPLES & PATTY GRIFFIN with

ANDERSON EAST

MONDAY • AUGUST 17

AMY HELM & THE HANDSOME STRANGERS

TUESDAY • JULY 21

SUNDAY • SEPTEMBER 6

CAKE

TUESDAY • SEPTEMBER 15

MARK KNOPFLER

STEVE MILLER BAND

WEDNESDAY • SEPTEMBER 16

WEDNESDAY • JULY 22

BEN HARPER & THE INNOCENT CRIMINALS

HARRY CONNICK, JR. SUNDAY • JULY 26

LYLE LOVETT & HIS LARGE BAND

TICKETS ON SALE NOW!

300 WAKARA WAY • 801.585.0556 • WWW.REDBUTTEGARDEN.ORG

38 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | Q&A

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

q&a

It all began

with the bears.

“I’m like, ‘Are you a baseball team?’” says Josh Groban, recalling an early-career encounter with a man who informed the crooner about his growing number of gay bear fans.

Nearly 15 years later, members of the LGBT community — even the non-hairy ones — are still feeling struck and soothed by Groban’s elastic range. Stages is yet another swoon-worthy set from the singer. His first collection of songs from musicals, Groban takes on some of Broadway’s best for the album, which includes “You’ll Never Walk Alone” from Carousel and The Phantom of the Opera showstopper “All I Ask Of You,” a duet with Kelly Clarkson.

While discussing the release during a recent interview, the 34-year-old also highlighted the significance of performing with the Washington, D.C. Gay Men’s Chorus during Obama’s 2009 presidential inauguration, the validation his younger “awkward” self felt after being named “Sexiest Newcomer” and how Ryan Gosling put the singer’s sexuality to the test.

Josh Groban talks bear fans, drag queens, gay rumors and his dream Broadway role

I was fortunate enough to see you during the summer of 2014 in Toronto for Rufus Wainwright’s If I Loved You: Gentlemen Prefer Broadway PHOTO: OLAF HEINE

— An Evening of Love Duets, where you got your gay on. (Laughs). I’ll always put my gay on for Rufus.

During an interview you did regarding that performance, Rufus referred to you as a “dreamboat.” At this point in your career, are you used to that kind of attention from gay men? Yeah, it’s happened from time to time.

Look, when Rufus Wainwright is complimenting you, musically or otherwise, it’s a great honor. Something that was surprising to me that happened when I first got signed at 19, 20 years old: I was at some kind of shop, and I was walking around with someone — it was probably my girlfriend — and this guy comes up to me and goes, “Hey, I just want you to know, the bears love you.” I’m like, “Excuse me? What?” And I didn’t know what that meant! I’m like, “Are you a baseball team?”

How did you figure out what type of bears he was referring to? I think some Googling had to take place. And it was like, “Oh. Ohhhh!”

(Laughs) And you’re like, “Not the bears in the forest.” Yeah, and not the Chicago Bears.

If you could duet on a love song with any man, who would it be and why? If I could sing with any man, it would probably be Brian Stokes Mitchell. I love his voice, and I grew up listening to his voice. There’s such a warm tone to the way he sings, and he’s just such a great actor and a really great guy. We would do a killer “Pretty Women” (from Sweeney Todd), I think.

You’re from L.A., and you went to arts schools, including Interlochen Center for the Arts in Michigan. I imagine you’ve been immersed in the gay community for much of your life. Did you find a lot of gay people gravitating to you at a young age? Like you said, I went to a wonderful arts camp at Interlochen. I went to a great arts high school in Los Angeles — L.A. County High School for the Arts — and grew up in Los Angeles and with a wonderful arts background, and I got to meet all sorts of people. Many of my friends were gay at these places — at camp, at school.

The wonderful thing I found about the arts and the arts connection was, I had come from a situation where I had a hard time making friends at school and I was bullied, and I finally went to school where everybody had the same inspiration for the arts, everybody

Q&A | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 39

may 2015 | issue 243 | gaysaltlake.com

had the same passion. It was the first situation where I had felt that everybody was friends with everybody, and everybody felt the most comfortable being themselves at these places. And so, for me, the arts were the first scenario where I found a connective tissue between everybody.

When you look back, did that closeness to the queer community ever make you question your own sexuality? No, not at all. It wasn’t in any way, shape or form about my own life or my own sexuality — it was about understanding and accepting everybody, and being friends regardless of that. I think that’s also what the straight community needs to understand — that it’s about friendship and alliance. It’s not about questioning yourself or anything like that — it’s about the togetherness of it. I think the wonderful thing about the arts is that I grew up in a community where I felt there was acceptance and friendship regardless of our own personal lives.

And co-starring with Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love — that didn’t challenge your heterosexuality? (Laughs) Listen, if I was gonna be gay, that would’ve been the moment. That was probably my greatest test, and I failed.

You came out as “not gay” on Twitter a couple years ago. How do you feel about people speculating about your sexuality?

Honestly, if I were gay, I would have had no problem saying it from day one.

It’s such a thing when people speculate. I would have nothing to hide if that were the case. People have speculated, have wanted to speculate — whatever, fine.

I’m not gay, but if I were, I don’t view it as a bad thing. If I were, I’d say, “OK, fine, speculate all you want and let’s talk about it.”

It’s not like you’re in a community where that wouldn’t be accepted. Exactly. I’ve grown up with gay friends; my parents have had great gay friends. I come from such an open-minded family background. I am so lucky to have the parents that I have and to have grown up with the environment of “accept and be accepted” and “love and be loved,” so when that kind of talk comes up, I think to myself, “All right, I’m happy to say what is and isn’t true,” but at

the same time, I don’t see why that’s like, “Ohhhh.” Like that would be an insult.

I don’t get that. If that were the case, I would just say it and it would be no big deal. That’s the thing that bugs me more than anything, though — that the mention of it would be considered provocative when, really, in this day and age it shouldn’t be.

Assuming you selected the songs on Stages because they have relevance in your own life, which ones mean the most to you? There are actually a couple of songs that really have nostalgic memories for me.

“All I Ask Of You” from Phantom was the first song that I ever sang professionally to get a record deal, so when I found myself at Abbey Road, singing that song and with Kelly (Clarkson), it was just like, “Oh, man!” Very rarely do I ever pat myself on the back or give myself a high five — I’m always kind of self-critical and moving forward — but it was one of those moments where I was listening to that orchestra and having memories of the 17-year-old kid in the ill-fitting tuxedo that first sang that song, and I’m like, “You know what, go you. You did it.”

A song like “Bring Him Home” is a song you can’t help but hear and think about what’s going on now in the world, and how many people are hoping and praying the same things today. The wonderful thing I’ve found about these songs is there’s so much relevance and poignancy to them today, regardless of the show that they’re in, and that was a wonderful discovery. One of the things that really dictated what we chose and what we didn’t choose was if they could live independently on their own.

You obviously have theater aspirations.

What’s your dream Broadway role? I’m a Sondheim nut. I like his stuff because it allows for really operatic singing without dancing. I’m a terrible dancer. So, for me, I would love to do something like Sweeney Todd or Sunday in the Park with George. I was introduced to Chess when I was 24 or 25 — I did it for the Actors’ Fund on Broadway — and I’ve always thought that show got a bum rap. Just the music alone can go toe to toe with the great musicals. I think it deserves, at some point, a chance.

Maybe a different kind of direction, a different kind of vision, but that would be another dream role.

You’d like to star in it? Absolutely. I mean, there are a bunch of roles that I think would be fun. It’s really been a timing issue. It would be a dream come true to do something on the Broadway stage. With album and touring life, and when you have a record deal, you have to satisfy commitments. It’s just a matter of taking the time to do it right.

Your girlfriend, Kat Dennings, recently appeared on RuPaul’s Drag Race. She crushed it!

When’s it your turn to guest judge? (Laughs) She got me into that show!

I mean, RuPaul’s incredible. The influence she’s had on everybody is just amazing, and then you see the competition. The episode that Kat did — I took Shakespeare class, like I was in very heavy Shakespeare instruction when I was young and in theater school, and so watching them put on Shakespeare was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen in my life. It was a wee bit of a train wreck, and I think Ru knew that, but it was really funny to watch.

And yeah, you never know. I would be happy to be a judge on it, but I think I would be so impressed with the fashion that I don’t think I would know how to critique it. I’d be like, “Wow! I could not walk in those heels; congratulations to you! That is amazing! Well done! Ginger Minj — I salute you!”

I like to imagine you doing karaoke.

You’re out with friends, and you’re probably drinking. What’s your go-to karaoke number? I hate to brag, but it’s a really unfair advantage. I kind of crush karaoke. The thing about karaoke is it makes everybody a ham. I’ll go in there, peruse the little binder, and just hang back with the tambourine for a few songs and then go straight into “We Are the Champions” and “I like big butts and I cannot lie… .” It just goes into all out ’80s and ’90s hip-hop and hair metal, and that’s basically a night for me. I remember I was singing “November Rain” and the guy came in to tell us we were out of time, and he heard me singing it. Instead of telling us to leave, he brought

40 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | Q&A

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

Josh Groban Bears All —Contunued from previous page us free nachos.

On your list of accomplishments, where does that time in 2002 rank, when People Magazine named you “Sexiest Newcomer”? Oh, somewhere floating in the middle, I’d say. When you talk about high fives to your younger self, when you read something like that, you think about every girl who rolled their eyes when you’d go up and say hi to them, and then you’re all like, “Good job!” If I could go back and tell that young kid, “You’re gonna be People Magazine’s ‘Sexiest,’ he would’ve had a lot easier of a time.” Those awkward times give you character, though, I think.

And then you think, “If only I knew then what I know now.” I don’t think you ever wanna peak in high school either. I don’t think you want to have your most confidence when you’re 15 or 16 years old, or you turn into Al Bundy. It’s good to go through the 15-, 16-year-old period where you don’t have your shit together,

where you feel like you do need to figure out what your identity is, where you need to figure out where your walls should be and where your confidence needs to lie. If I didn’t have that period where I didn’t fit in and I didn’t make the team, then, truly, I don’t think I would’ve had as much of a desire to really find my true self in my 20s.

Knowing how far you’ve come into yourself, it must be really rewarding to see you’re a source of inspiration for people now, many of them gay. Is there a story you can recall from someone who’s LGBT who was affected by your music? Oh, it’s every concert. I’ll meet people backstage and it’s always so wonderful for me. When you get to really look somebody in the eye and see that your song has helped somebody through a hard time or kept them from harming themselves or made them not feel so alone, it gives you perspective and it gives you a reason to do what you do. Without fail, during almost every show that I’ve done, I’ve met somebody from the LGBT community backstage that has said that my music in their own life has played a huge part in (helping them) feel a part of

this universe and be confident in who they are, and also able to express themselves.

I always try to find songs and sing songs that try to express those beliefs and those values, so it’s always very gratifying when somebody shares those stories with me.

You notably sang with the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington, D.C. during President Obama’s Inaugural Opening Ceremony in January 2009. What was it like being a part of such a big moment in LGBT history? Those steps and that environment were about equal rights in the African-American community 50, 60 years ago, and to be able to represent the LGBT community and one of the great equal rights issues of our times — and share that moment proudly on those steps — was a tremendous honor for me. I was so thrilled that this administration had the wherewithal to understand the importance of it, and to do that musically — it’s one of my favorite things that I have done of all time. Q Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate. His website is chris-azzopardi.com.

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42 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | Q&A

Our Lives Would Suck Without Her

q&a

BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI

Before

catapulting to pop stardom, Kelly Clarkson was one of us. In many ways, she still is.

The original American Idol, who memorably erupted into waterworks when she won the first season of the reality show in 2002, wasn’t always able to muster the willpower she’s instilled in the gay community through her uncompromising persona and liberating pop anthems, including those on her latest album, Piece by Piece.

That’s just the charm of Clarkson, who opens up in our new interview about overcoming teen inferiorities, diehard lesbian fans who call themselves “Kezbos,” driving Bette Midler to “suicide,” and that night she sipped some wine, felt “sad” for our generation and wrote a powerful song about it.

OK, Kelly, take my hand. I wanna go back with you. The imagery!

Kelly Clarkson talks new equality-inspired anthem, gay bars and her ‘Kezbo’ following PHOTO: RCA RECORDS

Tell me the moment in your career you first knew gay people worshipped at your altar. (Laughs) Oh my god — that’s amazing!

It was the Breakaway World Tour (in 2005) — the first tour for the Breakaway record — and it was so awesome.

One girl on tour came up and just introduced herself and was like, “I’m a Kezbo,” and I was like, “What?!” She was like, “A Kezbo — your lesbian fans.” And I was like, “Wait — there’s enough of you to have a group? That’s amazing! Awesome! Go me!” And she was like, “Yeah, we just love you. We’re gonna bring you to the other side.” And I was like, “All right, well, keep trying!”

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

Then, on the same tour, I had this guy, and he was so funny! Because, you know I’m a huge fan of Bette Midler and have been since I saw For the Boys when I was a kid, and he’s like, “You’re our new Bette!”

(Laughs) I was like, “You need to aim higher.

Bette Midler just shot herself! I’m not that cool, but I will work on gaining the respect of that compliment.”

Is it hard to fathom yourself a gay icon? I guess it’s hard to fathom you can be an icon in general. I don’t consider myself an icon at all, but no — I have a lot of gay and lesbian friends and they like my stuff, so I guess it’s not so hard for me to think (the gay community) might like my music. But I don’t know ... I’m not an icon. I’ve only been doing this for 13 years. You’ve gotta be doing it for a good 20 to gain that status.

When it comes to your strong bond with the gay community, how do you explain that connection? I have a connection, but I don’t look at it differently. I don’t ever look at a fan as a gay fan or a lesbian fan or a straight fan — I don’t ever look at that. Fans are fans, and no matter what our lives are like, no matter what path we’re on, music is the one thing that connects us. I mean, I had so much fun at this club recently. It’s called G-A-Y — this club in London — and everybody knew all the words to every song.

Even the new one! And they were gay and straight and lesbian — everybody was there.

It didn’t matter, and it was just really cool.

It was a cool event, and it was fun. And it’s what I love about music — that it doesn’t matter. That’s what connects us.

What was your very first time at a gay bar like? Oh gosh — that would’ve been in LA, and I was probably 22. I went with some of my friends and a couple of my gay friends, and they were like, “You’re gonna love this!

But you’re gonna need to wear a hat.” They played “Since U Been Gone,” and it was so funny because nobody knew I was there. I had a blast!

The awesome thing, for girls especially: Because most gay bars that I’ve been to — and I guess I’ve been to four or five — are all gay men and not lesbians, and being a straight female, you don’t get hit on the whole time, you don’t get people grabbing you or, like, being gross. There’s no judgment, and it’s just fun. You’re not worried about going, “No, thank you, I can buy my own drinks.” It’s the most fun club and fun time you’ll ever have in your life.

Q&A | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 43

may 2015 | issue 243 | gaysaltlake.com

The song “Invincible” alludes to overcoming self-doubts and insecurities. In your own life, when did you most experience those hurdles, and when did you finally accept yourself for who you are? In high school, and you know, I was having a hard time. I guess all people go through it — it’s just a different time period for all of us.

When I was a sophomore in high school, it was the one time [in my life] I felt like I was insecure. It was just an awkward stage for me. Well, as was junior high, but I just wasn’t aware of it yet. (Laughs) I’ve always been different. I’ve never been the girl that has to feel like she has to get all dolled up every day. I’ve always been kind of a tomboy. I’ve always been very outspoken, and, you know, my mom is too. I don’t know any other way to be. It’s just my personality.

In my sophomore year of high school, I got a little insecure about [my personality], because girls can be mean and I got the lead in this role in choir. No sophomore was ever supposed to get it, so people were just really mean about it. And, like, mean. Worse than the movie! (Laughs) It made me insecure, and not so much [in regard to] my music or as a singer or an artist — just me as a person. I was like, “Is there something wrong [with me]?” I would go, “But I think I’m a good friend.” That was the only time that I was really doubtful of my person. But I got over that real quick!

Growing up in small-town Texas, when did you get your first taste of gay culture?

Did you even know gay people then? Oh yeah. Yeah! Nobody was outspoken like they are now. I think it’s a more comfortable — well, I don’t know. A couple of friends of mine just recently came out to their parents and one was just about the most horrible situation ever. So I think that still happens, unfortunately. But when I was a kid, I had a couple of my friends in choir with me. I think everybody knew (they were gay), but it wasn’t talked about or anything.

Honestly, I grew up in such a creative environment. Even in our choral group — even with my friends — nobody really talked about it, nobody was against or for it. There were no flags of any kind — of race, of who liked who. I feel like I grew up in a really incredibly good bubble. I never experienced people hating — no hate crimes or anything like that — until well into the industry. With Idol, people would say hateful things about certain contestants on the show, and I was like, “What in the world?!”

I, fortunately, grew up in a world where that wasn’t a huge issue.

But you were raised Southern Baptist, a denomination that condemns homosexuality. What was the journey like to get to where you are now — a staunch supporter of gay marriage? At my church, whenever I did attend Sunday service, that was never talked about. I know that is what the doctrine of Southern Baptist is, but they also said don’t drink and dance, but we drank and danced! (Laughs) I don’t think I grew up in some hardcore community where people were like that. I grew up in a very accepting household. I was taught to accept everybody how they are, and I admire my mom for that. She’s never taught me hate.

I gotta ask about your baby girl, River Rose. Because she’s magical. She’s a magical unicorn.

You know, in some circles, the unicorn is a gay symbol. Oh, I didn’t know that! But I love it. That’s what I call my baby!

Speaking of which, how might you and your hubby handle it if River turned out to be lesbian? Oh, I don’t care. I mean, here’s what I hope for her: I just hope she finds love. It took me a while, man. And there was a lot of heartache throughout those years.

You know, as long as she’s happy, I don’t care either way, and neither does my husband. And we have two other kids as well, and we don’t care either way for all of them.

If one of them were to come out to you, what would you say? I’d be like, “Awesome!

When do we meet him or her?” Honestly, it’s so funny, it doesn’t even register in my world as different. I don’t know why. But yeah, it doesn’t. I’m glad it doesn’t!

During the song “I Had a Dream,” which you wrote about setting an example for future generations, you say, “Spreading your legs instead of using your words.” Older generations often criticize the industry for peddling so much sex. When you look out at pop culture currently, where do you stand concerning its use of sex? And how satisfied are you with the examples these artists are setting for people like your kids and future generations?

There’s a reason why women have been revered as long as we have been — even back in the day most statues are of us; most paintings are of us — (and it’s because) we’re a beautiful form, and I get it. I get that that is sexy and I’m so in support of that. I love a sexy video. I don’t even mind raciness.

I don’t mind that at all.

I just mind when people use that as the entire basis of their career. The only reason that I say that is because I feel those people

are short-sighting themselves. I’m like, “You’re far more talented than that.” Yes, you can be sexy and risqué, but some of these women have these amazing voices and these amazing ideals, and they have more to offer than just that.

The song actually came about because I was sitting around with some friends — we were all drinking some wine — and I was like, “Man, when you were 10 were you not just so excited about our generation and what we were gonna accomplish?” And then you look now and we’re still talking about race and we’re still talking about equal rights for everyone — didn’t you think we’d be past that? Didn’t you think we’d be more? I ended up writing a song about that because it’s just kind of a sad thing. I just felt like our generation — I think we could’ve been more. It was just a sad moment for me, reflecting.

Gosh. That’s real deep, Kelly. (Laughs) I can go dark real quick!

Why was it important for you to include a gay couple getting engaged in the “Heartbeat Song” video? What’s funny is, I wasn’t even actually the one who picked all the people! Marc (Klasfeld), the director, and his team did. But it was funny, because I was doing an interview here in Nashville at one of the radio stations and one of the DJs there was like, “I’m gonna be in your video tomorrow!” And I was like, “Whaaaat?” And he was like, “Yeah! I asked if I could bring my boyfriend and they said yes.”

We had no idea that his boyfriend — I mean, he didn’t know either — was gonna propose to him on the set! At first he thought it was part of the video. He didn’t get it at first, and that’s why he was like, “Are you for real? I don’t get it.” But it was the coolest thing that ended up happening, but none of that, honestly, was planned. It just kind of happened, and it was a beautiful thing.

And it’s sending an important message, don’t you think? I think it’s silly that we’re still talking about gay rights. I just live in this world where people are accepted, so it’s very hard for me to even realize that that still exists. It’s hard for me to wrap my brain around it. That (gay couple) was a no-brainer, and I didn’t even think, “Oh, I’m making a statement for gay rights.” I was making a statement for the loss of love and the hope that you can still find it, regardless of what form that comes in. It wasn’t a purposeful thing. Love is love in whatever relationship it may be in. Q Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate and ­chris-azzopardi.com.

44 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

anagram AN ANAGRAM IS A WORD OR PHRASE THAT CAN BE MADE USING THE LETTERS FROM ANOTHER WORD OR PHRASE. REARRANGE THE LETTERS BELOW TO ANSWER:

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may 2015 | issue 243 | gaysaltlake.com

COMICS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 45

46 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

q scopes

BY SAM KELLEY-MILLS ARIES March 20–April 19 Bend over and pick up a forgotten treasure from your memory.

It will help you find some peace and sense of belonging during this difficult time. A strange thing is happening in your work or school life, one that needs your attention. Don’t stress out about having to make a decision, because there are no wrong choices.

TAURUS Apr 20–May 20 Deep within your own self is the capacity for pleasure.

There’s much unexplored territory and plenty of time to look around. Friends are a good distraction when you need a break from unavoidable drama. Structure isn’t always the way to finding stability; learning to be flexible is. Stretching out will feel good.

Sign of the Times ACROSS

1 Race site in Auden’s land 6 Express pleasure orally 10 Rat Bohemia author Schulman 15 Dutch resort isle 16 Painter Bonheur 17 Board material 18 What they call discrimination in Indiana 21 Test the weight of 22 “There ___ be a law!’’ (anti-gay motto of Indiana?)

23 Coldcock 24 Gasteyer of SNL 25 While you’re doing it 27 Arkansas Gov. Hutchinson 28 Layer of some balls 30 Journalist Ted 32 River of Auden’s land 33 Pioneer automaker 37 Twenty Questions turn 38 With 56-Across, sign in the window of any place that discriminates, per SNL 41 Start to pea?

44 Stonewall Jackson, and others 45 Montagues and Capulets, e.g.

49 Assholes 50 Begins to take notice 51 __ Enchanted 52 Roundup rope 54 Moo juice source 55 Says, “Let’s do it!”

56 See 38-Across 63 McCullers’ Ballad of the ___ Cafe 64 Cup material 65 Signs of using a rubber?

66 Singer Di Franco 67 Islands instrument 68 Way to get a bone up?

69 Creepy Chaney 70 Former Russian orbiter 71 Felt in one’s bones 72 Three of Napoli

DOWN

1 Swank, in a 2009 flick 2 Peacock, e.g.

3 Ingredient in dye or fertilizer 4 Memorial column 5 The Advocate, briefly 6 Tile surrounder 7 Type of trade 8 Question about a cross-dresser, perhaps 9 1993 treaty acronym 10 Get a load of 11 City north of Des Moines 12 Bureaucratic tangle 13 Makes moist or hard

14 Pew books at Metropolitan Community Church 19 Burial site of Macbeth 20 Place for pool players’ balls 25 ___ The Woods 26 Deli request 29 Take into the body 31 Did not wait to exhale?

33 R.E.M.’s “The ___ Love” 34 Target of discrimination in Indiana 35 Buck’s mates 36 George Takei’s role on Star Trek 39 Apr. 15 letters 40 Cooking meas.

41 Package pouch 42 Beach of Bette’s home state 43 AIDS: Profile of an Epidemic narrator 46 Aging first mate, perhaps 47 She loved Franklin and Lorena 48 Tin fish 53 In the sack 54 Cold War rival of the USA 57 Creator of Sal Mineo’s Exodus character 58 Letter enc.

59 “The doctor ___” 60 Whoopi and others in Sister Act 61 Follies costume designer 62 Rank Mauresmo, e.g.

ANSWERS ON PAGE 54

LIBRA Sept 23–October 22 A lack of sleep could be a recurring problem, so make rest a priority. A nice change of scenery has left a desire for experience, but may be overwhelming. Spend time with a partner or family member to gain needed perspective. Trying to experience everything at once is like experienced nothing at all.

Pace yourself!

SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21 A tendency to always be right will be strong. Many friends, family and co-workers question everything you say, so there’s bound to be some arguments.

With a little patience, truth will prevail.

Allowing time to settle your arguments for you. With any luck, you may learn something as well. Losing a battle may win the war.

GEMINI May 21–June 20 Seeking for a good thing will only serve to distract from the great people who already surround you. Take a break from looking and let others come to you. A family matter leads to change you were not expecting, but a floodgate of options will open. Don’t fear the unknown, but embrace the adventure.

The fun is already here.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22–December 20.

Clean up and get back on track this month. There is much to keep track of, and no way to keep up. Place the burden of responsibility on those around you; there is willingness to change on their part. A wonderful new chapter in your love life is about to begin, even if that means a reboot. It’s never to late for change.

CANCER June 21–July 22 A seemingly desperate friend will show things you never thought possible. Your mind is not as open as you think it is. Put faith in the ability to be amazed, especially when dealing with a friend or lover. A dark time in your career could cause a reexamination of priorities, so be adaptable. Change is inevitable right now.

CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19 With creative juices flowing, there’s bound to be some amazing projects to complete. Make time for yourself and put chaotic social activities on the backburner. Feedback could come from giving sneak peaks of your work, but only share productions requiring an objective eye. Sharing will provide contentment

LEO July 23–August 22 A gradual stray from happiness will lead to a sense of despair.

Obligations will overwhelm, causing a state of crisis. It’s best to lighten the load for a bit. No one expects you to prove anything right now. Don’t aim to please unless it’s for someone you care about.

Keep an eye out for new opportunities for wild creative output.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18 Live like something crazy is happening, because it is! An amazing friend or family member is bound and determined to get better acquainted. This could lead to wild or mild interactions, but create some really amazing experiences. The world may not be at your fingertips, but it might feel like it. Take a seat (enjoy the show)!

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22 Dreading summer is not normal for you, Virgo. However, you may worry about nature turning up the heat.

For now, simply enjoy the mild warmth with close friends, and put worrying on hold. Spend time rolling around in bed, smelling the flowers or enjoying cool morning air. There is magic in the air, and it’s all for you.

PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19 The driving force behind an obnoxious work associate is an enigma about to reveal itself. When it does, feelings of irritation will turn to sympathy. A change of vantage point will lead to a relief and satisfaction. A huge discovery will lead to some big fun. Go slow to take in as much pleasure as you can. Make the joy last. Q

CLASSIFIEDS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 47

may 2015 | issue 243

the bookworm sez

BY TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER

“BETTYVILLE: A MEMOIR”

BY GEORGE HODGMAN c.2015, Viking US$27.95 / CA$32.95 279 pages

Throughout your life, your parents ignored many things.

That time in high school when you snuck out to party?

They knew, but they looked the other way.

Same thing with wearing makeup, missing curfew, and that one regrettable hair style. They often “didn’t see” more than you’ll ever know.

Problem is that sometimes, they ignored too much. Did they, for instance, know who you really were? In the new book “Bettyville” by George Hodgman, one man wondered….

Elizabeth Baker Hodgman — Betty, to most people — didn’t sleep much.

At age ninety, she was prone to wandering, fussing at the kitchen, piling and restacking paperwork, and playing the piano in the middle of the night. She was “suffering from dementia or maybe worse.”

Unfortunately, that also meant her son, George, didn’t get much sleep, either.

An out of work editor and freelancer, George Hodgman had moved to Paris, Missouri from New York for what was supposed to be a week. Or a month. Or a year to take care of his mother. Betty didn’t like it; she hated needing someone.

Hodgman didn’t like it, either; too much had changed.

“I was Betty’s boy,” he says, and he’d been that way all his life. Hodgman loved his father fiercely, but he absolutely favored his mother. Still, he

desperately wished he’d been able to tell his parents he was gay, that he felt alone, that he’d survived too many failed romances, that he’d had substance abuse issues. Surely, they knew but no one ever talked about it.

Now, as he cared for her, there were times when Betty infuriated Hodgman. She could be rude and stubborn, prone to fits of anger for no reason, and loud. She flatly refused any thoughts of nursing homes or assisted living. The problem was her dementia, Hodgman reminded himself repeatedly. He understood that she was rightfully fearful because she knew she was losing herself and “I can only imagine how scary it is…”

And yet, “I think I have survived because of Betty, more than anyone,” Hodgman said as she eased away. “There are so many things I will carry when I leave Bettyville with my old suitcase.”

Without a doubt, you’d be forgiven for reaching for a tissue while you’re reading this book. Heck, you might want a whole box of them — but there’s a lot more to “Bettyville” than heartstring-tugging.

I found joy inside this story, in between its inevitable sadness. Author George Hodgman keenly remembers his small town childhood from all sides: churchgoers and alcoholics, kindness and bullying, adolescent crushes, baffling foes, and off-limits subjects that no small-townie discusses.

We meet, through the eyes of Hodgman, Betty’s friends and family and we’re told a story about a time past, a life wellloved, and losing a mother long before she’s really gone.

Be prepared to laugh a little, but be prepared to cry, too, as you’re reading this fine memoir - especially if you’re a caretaker for an elderly parent. For you, for sure, “Bettyville” is a book that can’t be ignored. Q

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48 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | PETS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

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50 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | MOM

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

the frivolist 8 free ways to bond with mom this Mother’s Day

BY MIKEY ROX

don’t True, moms mind jewelry or

other trinkets on Mother’s Day — but that’s what husbands are for. All mom wants from you, her little angel, is the gift of quality time. Grant her wish this May 10 by planning an activity that gets you two together, talking and having fun. Here are a few no-cost, easy-to-plan ideas.

1. POLISH YOUR GREEN THUMB AND GET IN THE GARDEN If your mom is the kind of lady who likes to put on those cute little hats, aprons and gloves while she gets down and dirty in the garden, offer to lend a hand. She’ll probably want you to pull weeds (because nobody wants to pull weeds if they don’t have to) while she plants the pretty flowers, but this outdoor activity is an ideal way to catch up on each other’s lives

while giving back to nature.

As a special treat, bring over a pitcher of homemade lemonade to quench your thirsts after a few hours of manual labor.

2. GRAB A BOTTLE OF WINE FOR A PICNIC IN THE PARK When was the last time you enjoyed a picnic in the park… with your mom? Twenty years ago? Ever? Close that gap by planning a picnic in a shady spot within your favorite green space. Pack mom’s favorite foods along with a bottle of wine, then kick back, nosh and chat while enjoying the flora and the fauna.

3. OFFER TO HELP WITH A SMALL PROJECT AROUND THE HOUSE There are probably a million little things that mom needs someone to do around the house (Dad’s not gettin’ any younger, after all). On Mother’s Day, ring mom to ask what projects she’d like help with.

She’ll probably tell you not to worry about it, but let her know that this is your gift to her and it’s something you’d like to do. Bring your supplies and tools and get started.

4. INVITE HER OVER FOR A ONE-ON-ONE BRUNCH Family brunches are fun, but they can get chaotic. This year, take mom out for a one-on-one brunch so you can connect with one another without interruption. If you have a large family that prohibits this on Mother’s Day because they’re planning on celebrating together, schedule another date and time so you and mom have the best of both worlds.

5. PICK UP A PAIR OF TICKETS FOR A FREE SHOW AROUND TOWN Free shows are hard to come by, but you might find something that mom will enjoy with stealthy Internet research. If you can’t lock down a show that’s free, dig a little deeper for venues that may be running

a Mother’s Day special where mom gets in gratis. Those are fairly common in lieu of a totally free event.

6. REMINISCE OVER OLD HOME MOVIES Give the movie marathon idea a twist by screening your own home movies. They’ve probably been hidden away for a decent amount of time at this point, so it’ll be a treat for you both to look back on happy times.

Just make sure you bring the tissues; there’s no way you’re getting out there with dry eyes on mom.

7. DISH THE GOSSIP OVER A COUPLE BOARD GAMES Just like you have a busy social life that keeps your quality time to a minimum, mom likely has a social life, too. And what do people with active social lives like to do? Gossip, of course! So let’s dish. Set up a board game, brew a pot of tea, and put out a plate of cookies for you two gab pals to nibble while you blab everybody’s deepest, darkest secrets — in the strictest of confidence, of course.

8. GET IN THE KITCHEN AND BAKE LIKE YOU’RE A KID AGAIN My best collection of memories including my mom and my grandmothers are baking goodies around the holidays or for special occasions. If you two like spending time in the kitchen, spend the day baking a few of your favorite cakes, pies and pastries that you can either eat yourself or give away to a few of your favorite people. Baking with mom is a great way to hark back to your childhood, recall favorite memories of your own, and act like you’re a kid again as you lick the spoon — so long as it doesn’t spoil your dinner. Q Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and blogger whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox.

ADVICE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 51

may 2015 | issue 243 | gaysaltlake.com

gay writes

My seven-year bet

BY DOUG WOODALL

When I

first met Hal, he was a Seminary teacher. Several years later, he became an Institute of Religion instructor. We knew each other from the gym. We always said hello and talked for a few minutes.

Then we discovered our daughters were friends. This got us to have some long conversations. One day I had the chance to tell Hal my greatest problem with the Bible: What am I supposed to learn from the hundreds of immoral stories?

At first, all I wanted to do was share one story and then listen to what Hal had to say.

The story I picked is found in Genesis 38. Judah impregnated his daughter-in-law Tamar. My problem was I said it was the father, Jacob, instead of the son, Judah. Hal corrected me. Then he made some comments that let me know he didn’t think I knew much about the Bible.

I’ve read the Bible from cover to cover three times, so I tried to recover by telling a second story.

That story is found in Numbers 31. God told Moses it was time to “avenge the children of Israel of the Midianites.” Moses raised an army of 12,000 troops.

Before he sent them out, he told them to attack, kill everyone, and bring back the livestock and plunder. When Moses’ men returned, they brought back the livestock and plunder and thousands of women and children. Moses was furious. He reminded his men they were supposed to kill everyone. Then he did an about-face and said, “Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.”

“Moses didn’t do that,” Hal

said.

“Yes he did,” I answered.

“I’ll bet you lunch it wasn’t Moses.”

“OK. I can bring you a copy of chapter and verse.”

“It has to be from the King James. I won’t accept one of those funky Bibles.”

“Good enough,” I said.

That night I printed a copy of the story from the King James.

The next time I saw Hal, he had to admit I was right. Then I didn’t see Hal for four years.

Hal was at the front of the checkout counter at the grocery store and I was at the end. I yelled, “Hal!” When Hal looked my way, I proclaimed, “You owe me lunch.”

“I do owe you lunch,” Hal said. We both laughed.

Hal had to say something to the cashier. Then he put his head down for half a minute, turned to me, and said, “Wait!

Those people were evil.” He meant the Midianites deserved to be killed.

“What do you mean they were evil?” I said. “They didn’t have the Law of Moses.”

“Oh, yes they did,” Hal said.

“They were a break-off group.”

I didn’t know if the Hebrews and Midianites were related, but I didn’t like where Hal was taking our conversation. “Look Hal, I don’t think it matters,” I said. “The way I see it, you’re putting a condition on our bet after the fact.“ When Hal wouldn’t answer me, I added, “I’ll tell you something else, Hal. At the end of the day, the Hebrews had 16,000 women and girls that they divided up equally among the tribes.” When Hal stayed silent, I said, “They gave thirty two virgins to God.” When Hal had his groceries and was

walking away, I added, “What did God do with his virgins, Hal?” I didn’t see Hal again for three years.

Hal was at one of the TRAX stations in Sandy. My daughter told me at least one year prior he was an Institute of Religion instructor, so he must have come from the University of Utah and was headed home. I yelled, “Hal!” When he looked at me, I proclaimed, “You owe me lunch.”

“Listen,” Hal said, “you either agree Moses was a prophet of God and did what God told him to do or we don’t have anything to talk about.”

“What does that have to do with our bet?” I said.

“Was Moses a prophet of God?” “Hal, I’m not blind. I can see what you’re doing. If I say Moses wasn’t a prophet, I lose the bet. If I say he was a prophet, I lose the bet. But I won the bet seven years ago.”

“Was Moses a prophet of God?”

“I’m not going to answer you.”

“Then we have nothing to talk about.”

When Hal was walking toward his car, I shouted, “Eight bucks, Hal. That’s all it would have cost you. Eight bucks and lunch with me. What’s so bad about that?“ To this day, I wonder why Hal didn’t pay up. He couldn’t afford it? I doubt that. He doesn’t eat lunch? Hal’s a big man. I’m sure he eats lunch every day. He thinks I’m an ass?

OK, I can be an ass. Maybe he got caught in a paradox. Seminary teachers and Institute of Religion instructors say the words, “I’ll bet you,” but they probably don’t mean them.

They’re not supposed to make bets.

Whatever made Hal dig in his heels, when I see him again, I’m going to yell, “Hal! You owe me lunch!“ Q Gay Writes is a DiverseCity Series writing group, a program of SLCC’s Community Writing Center. The group meets the 2nd and 4th Monday of every month, 6:30-8 pm, 210 E. 400 South, Ste. 8, Salt Lake.

52 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FITNESS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

fitness

Boring Cardio Takes a HIIT

BY TYSON DAYLEY

Are you

looking to lose fat? Maybe you’re focusing on building muscle?

Perhaps trying to improve athleticism? Let’s discuss a type of cardiovascular exercise that can benefit all three. High Intensity Interval Training, or HIIT, is a manner of doing cardio that has a significantly higher anabolic response than standard, steady-state cardio. This makes it more efficient at burning fat. It can be done on cardio equipment in the gym or outside now that the weather’s warming up again. On top of all this; it takes less time to do than you have traditionally thought!

Three, 12–15 minute HIIT sessions per week is a great starting point for someone looking to reduce body fat in addition to a sensible diet. Gradually adding in sessions can be beneficial, up to five or six sessions per week maximum.

HIIT sessions are performed by going back and forth between low and high intensity at set intervals. For example, on a stationary bike the high intensity interval would be setting the bike on a high level and peddling hard for 30 seconds. Then the low intensity interval would be setting the bike on a low level and peddling at a resting pace for 30 seconds. An example of a full workout would look like this: 2-4 Minutes: Warm up by peddling at a comfortable pace and level 30 Seconds: High Intensity Interval 30 Seconds: Low Intensity Interval Repeat 12-15 times 2-4 Minutes: Cool down by peddling at a comfortable pace and level But don’t limit HIIT to the stationary bike, you can take it outside with you too. Try it out by alternating sprints and jogging on an outdoor track. Or riding your actual bike outside will do the trick too. Like any form of exercise be sure to consult a physician before beginning a program.

Tyson Dayley trains clients at the Sugar House 24 Hour Fitness by appointment.

He is also available for private training in noncommercial settings.

He can be reached at tyson@qsaltlake.com

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may 2015 | issue 243 | gaysaltlake.com

health

Coffee — good or bad?

BY PETER STOKER

Whether

you call it Kaffee, kava, café or coffee this drink is popular in American culture and especially within the LGBTQ culture. It is the go-to first date meeting, “let’s get coffee.”

Whether you drink it or not, you’re bound to set foot in a coffee shop at least once in your life.

So what are the benefits, if any, of drinking it? And is there ever too much?

Before we begin we must identify what is a cup of coffee.

In all the studies a cup of coffee is equal to an eight-ounce cup.

Not a 16-ounce grande coffee at a Starbucks, which has about 330 mg of caffeine. Also, keep in mind that the research is typically based on coffee that’s black or with a little milk or sugar, but not the kind of highcalorie coffeehouse beverages that have become popular over the past few years.

POSITIVE EFFECTS OF COFFEE CONSUMPTION: Research over the past few years suggest that coffee consumption may protect against type 2 diabetes, Parkinson’s disease, liver cancer and liver cirrhosis.

The latest study, done at the Harvard School of Public Health, on coffee and mortality found that people who regularly drank coffee actually had a somewhat lower risk of death from cardiovascular disease than those who rarely drank coffee; this result needs to be confirmed in further studies, however. I think the evidence is good that for people in general — outside of a few populations, such as pregnant women, or people who have trouble controlling their blood pressure or blood sugar — coffee is one of the good, healthy beverage choices.

Coffee is a very complex beverage with hundreds and hundreds of different compounds in it. Since coffee

HEALTH | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 53

contains so many different compounds, drinking coffee can lead to very diverse health outcomes. It can be good for some things and bad for some things. Over the several decades that coffee has been studied, there have been some reports that coffee may increase the risk of certain cancers or the risk of heart disease. In terms of effects on mortality or other health factors, for example, there are not any significant negative effects of consuming up to six cups of coffee a day. The findings also suggest that if you want to improve your health, it’s better to focus on other lifestyle factors, such as increasing your physical activity, quitting smoking or eating more whole grains.

NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF COFFEE CONSUMPTION: If you’re drinking so much coffee that you get tremors, have sleeping problems or feel stressed and uncomfortable, then obviously you’re drinking too much coffee.

A 24-ounce mocha Frappachino at Starbucks with whipped cream has almost 500 calories—that’s 25 percent of the daily calorie intake for someone who requires 2,000 calories a day. People may not realize that having a beverage like that adds so much to their energy intake, and they may not compensate adequately by eating less over the course of the day. This could lead to weight gain over time, which could in turn increase the risk of type 2 diabetes, and that’s a major concern.

In studies that look at the incidence of hypertension in the general population, drinking caffeinated coffee is not associated with a substantial increase in risk. But if people have hypertension, and are having a hard time controlling their hypertension, they could try switching from caffeinated to decaffeinated coffee, to see if it has a beneficial effect.

SUMMARY: Drinking up to six, eight-ounce cups of coffee a day (minus all the sugar and cream) is not associated with increased risk of death from any cause, or death from cancer or cardiovascular disease.

Those who have a hard time controlling their blood pressure

or blood sugar and pregnant women may want to avoid coffee or switch to a decaf option.

Coffee may have potential health benefits, but more research needs to be done. Q Seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with questions regarding a medical condition.

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54 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD

gaysaltlake.com | issue 243 | may 2015

the perils of petunia pap smear

PUZZLE SOLUTIONS

As always, these events leave us with several burning eternal questions: 1. Should I convert my breasticles into a fleet of Zeppelins for the purposes of flying over the Grand Canyon?

2. Should I write a recipe book, Road Kill, Fit For A Queen?

3. Should I design a series of headlight breasticles?

4. Should I market them in auto parts stores or high fashion outlets?

5. Should I buy stock in a wart remover?

These and other important questions to be answered in future chapters of The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear. Q

Cryptogram: WE WANT OUR VOICE TO BE HEARD AGAINST ALL OF THE COUNTERFEIT AND ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES THAT TRY TO REPLACE THE FAMILY ORGANIZATION THAT GOD HIMSELF ESTABLISHED

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LIBERTY

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Anagram: RELIGIOUS

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proof mascara is no match for a melting Pap Smear.

I put the best of ABBA on the stereo, and motored happily on my way southward. I was halfway through “Dancing Queen” as my intrepid little truck, heavily laden with a huge box, descended down from the Colorado Plateau into The Valley of the Sun. I could feel the ambient temperature rising. I had the little truck’s air conditioning cranked to its maximum, and I was still a tad bit uncomfortable. It was now 2 a.m. and even though I could see the lights of civilization in the distance, my GPS told me to divert from the freeway, and take a narrow two-lane highway east into the wilderness. Being the obedient queen that I am, I made the course correction.

It happened to be a moonless night, so it was really dark.

Normally I like the darkness, because it helps hide those little wrinkles around my eyes which Maybelline is not able to contend with, and industrial spackle is just the wrong shade to accomplish a youthful natural appearance. But tonight the darkness came as a hindrance because the road was narrow and winding, and it was very difficult to see where I was going. I rounded a sharp curve and there she was, the proverbial “deer in the headlights,” making her last stand in the middle of the road.

Crash, Bang, Boom! Like the Titanic before her, my little truck was unable to avoid the deer, standing still as an iceberg. My vision was obscured when the air bag deployed.

My arms, face and chest

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to Arizona is fraught with danger and excitement.

As many of you may know, when I am not playing with balls, at Third Friday Bingo, to pay the bills and buy all the Aqua Net necessary to maintain the beehive hair, I have a very butch-sounding job as a truck driver. To be more specific, I’m an expedited delivery driver, so when an item needs to be delivered sooner than Fed-Ex can do it, or if the freight is too big for them, then I’m your gurl.

Even though I purchase most of my fabulous jewelry at truck stops, I’m sorry to disappoint all of you who are hyperventilating about truck-stop cruising fantasies — suffice it to say that Grindr, GROWLr and Scruff have made those kind of sex-capades as extinct as my natural brunette roots.

And lest you think driving is a job too butch for a monarch of my stature, despite the fact that I am a size queen in all things, I usually drive a small pick-up truck.

Last August, I received the assignment of transporting a 700-pound piece of equipment to a copper mine in Arizona, about an hour east of Phoenix.

It was late afternoon before I loaded and on the road.

I thought that leaving late was a good thing, so that I’d be mostly driving at night when it was cooler. Anyone who knows me is aware that when the temperature rises above 75, I begin to do my melting impersonation of the Wicked Witch of the West. In reality, even the most industrial strength water-

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The road

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BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR

and rescue me. I wished I had paid more attention on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride at Disneyland to know how to deal with the critters.

Providentially, I did have cell phone service and was able to call a tow truck. I waited for 90 sweltering minutes, listening to the croaking toads, for prince charming to come and rescue me. My dreams of happily ever after were dashed among the toads, when Bubba with only three teeth in his mouth, showed up. Bubba loaded my little truck onto the back of his tow truck and within five minutes of driving, the tow truck hit a deer. Would this nightmare never end?

were black and blue from the impact. As I brought the truck to a stop, I heard a sickening grinding noise that did not sound at all good.

I got out to investigate. The front quarter panel had been pushed in and was rubbing on the tire and the left headlight was gone. There was no one in sight. I hadn’t seen another car for at least an hour. I was alone. The temperature was above 105 degrees and I was sweating profusely. What to do, what to do?

I initially thought that I could attach one of my breasticles to the front of the truck to function as the lost headlight, but alas, all my breasticles have blinking lights and do not cast a steady light, so that would not work. In the glow of the remaining headlight and my blinking breasticle light, which I had deployed on the road as a traffic warning beacon, I could see I was gathering an audience of toads. Huge, ugly, wart-inducing toads. At least 15 of them.

Now, I refuse to deal with reptiles and amphibians under the best of circumstances. But as a damsel in extreme distress, this was beyond the pale. It was just like the scene of the second plague from the Ten Commandments movie, only Charleton Heston was dead now and Moses couldn’t come

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A tale of a deer in the headlights

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