QSaltLake Magazine - February 2016

February 2016 Issue 252

FIRST COMES LOVE F I R ST I N O U R T H R E E - PA RT S E R I E S UTAH GAY & LESBIAN WEDDING EXPO • NEW CENTER PLANS • SAME-SEX COMMON-LAW MARRIAGE

PRESENTS

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gaysaltlake.com | issue 252 | february 2015

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8 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FIRST PERSON

gaysaltlake.com | issue 252 | february 2016

Find LGBT-friendly businesses in the

QPages

staffbox publisher/editor Michael Aaron

copy editor Tony Hobday designer Christian Allred sales Craig Ogan, Steven Simmons contributors Diane AndersonMinshall, Chris Azzopardi, Paul Berge, Jeff Berry, Dave Brousseau, Tyson Daley, Jack Fertig, Greg Fox, Charles Lynn Frost, Oriol Gutierrez Jr., Tony Hobday, Christopher Katis, Princess Kennedy, Rock Magen, Sam Mills, Mikey Rox, Gregg Shapiro, Petunia Pap Smear, Steven Petrow, Ed Sikov, Peter Stoker, Marcy Taylor-Rizzi, Ben ­Williams, D’Anne ­Witkowski distribution Jason Van Campen,

Available at over 300 locations across the Wasatch Front and qpages.com

Bradley Jay Crookston, Tad Wada publisher

Salt Lick Publishing LLC 222 S Main St, Ste 500 Salt Lake City, Utah 84101 tel: 801-649-6663 Contact emails: general: info@qsaltlake.com editorial: editor@qsaltlake.com sales: sales@qsaltlake.com

Check us out online at:

GAYSALTLAKE.COM FACEBOOK.COM/QSALTLAKE TWITTER @QSALTLAKE

QSaltLake Magazine is a trademark of Salt Lick Publishing, LLC. Copyright © 2015, Salt Lick Publishing, LLC. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted or reproduced without written permission from the publisher. 10,000 copies of QSaltLake Magazine are distributed free of charge at over 300 locations across the Wasatch Front. Free copies are limited to one per person. For additional copies, call 801-649-6663. It is a crime to destroy or dispose of current issues or otherwise interfere with the distribution of this magazine.

Publication of the name or photograph of any individual or organization in articles or advertising in QSaltLake Magazine is not to be construed as any indication of the person’s sexual orientation or gender identity. Printed in the USA on recycled paper. Please recycle this copy when you are through with it.

Rudy Florez / Hive Pass Rider since 2014

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 9

february 2016 | issue 252 | gaysaltlake.com

news The top things you should know happened last month (Full stories at gaysaltlake.com.)

Anglicans censure Episcopal Church over LGBT stands The Episcopal Church, the American iteration of the Anglican Communion, was censured during a meeting in Canterbury, England for its stand on LGBT equality.

The vote passed by a twothirds margin according to a leaked report published

by Anglican Ink. The debate included prominent voices among African bishops who have loudly condemned the American church for its liberal stance on gays.

The Episcopal Church has been at odds with the Communion on a variety of other issues which include same-sex marriage equality and ordination of LGBT clergy. “The censure precludes the American Church from representation on ecumenical and interfaith bodies,” a statement issued by the Anglican Communion reads. “They will not take part in decision making on any issues pertaining to doctrine or policy.”

US Church Leaders say that this “censure” will not change current Church Practices. “We can accept these actions with grace and humility but the Episcopal Church is not going back,” Jim Naughton, former canon for the Archdiocese of Washington, said. “We can’t repent what is not sin.”

Marriage equality important to new Taiwan president In January, Tsai Ing-wen, 59, who leads the Democratic Progressive Party, won 56 percent of 13 million votes cast, according to media reports. She is the first female elected to Taiwan’s highest office and a vocal supporter of same-sex marriage in Taiwan.

A bill passed a first reading in Parliament in 2013 but has not been passed into law.

In the lead up to her presidential campaign in October, she posted a 15-second video on her Facebook profile to coincide with Taiwan Pride — the largest of its kind in Asia — saying: ‘Before love, everyone is equal. I am Tsai Ing-wen, and I support marriage equality. …

Let everyone be able to freely love and pursue happiness.”

Long time SF Gay Bar may drop “the Gay” The Gangway, on San Francisco’s Larkin Street, has been operating as a gay bar since 1961, making it the longest operating gay bar in SF, has been sold to a company which will operate under a new name. The new owner’s plans about whether the bar will continue to be a gay neighborhood bar or become a differently themed concept are unknown. It will be renamed “Daddy’s Bones.”

Gangway has been owned for the last 18 years by Jung Lee. He planned to sell the bar eventually, but a labor and wage dispute caused him to sell now. He says a brokerage firm sold the bar and he has little knowledge of the potential buyers. “I told them not to change anything, keep it as is. The bartenders are very experienced, the prices are $0.50 to $1 or $2 cheaper than any other bar, and they make strong, good cocktails.’

Green Bay QB says “No” to anti-gay taunts Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers says chants from the crowd at games is ok, but he draws the line is when chants target a player’s sexuality or racial ethnicity.

“I don’t agree with any type of racist or homophobic language, any of that type of stuff from the crowd to the people on the field.” He says that the crowd should feel free to vent at the opposing team or at the home teams bad play, but targeting an individual player’s personal characteristics is out of bounds.

On MLK Day, remember Bayard Rustin A move to place Bayard Rustin’s New York Residence on National Registry of Historic Places has been initiated by Oscar winner Dustin Lance Black. Rustin was an openly

gay black man fighting for equality in the 1950s and 1960s and was victimized by racism and homophobia. Rustin went unrecognized for his role in the 1963 March on Washington, being denied public recognition of his key role in organizing the march because of his sexuality. In 2013 he was posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

Kansas hears nondiscrimination bill A bill that would add sexual orientation and gender identity to the state’s anti-discrimination statute is currently before the Kansas State Legislature. It is drawing the usual opposition, with critics worrying the measure could lead to more lawsuits.

The recently heard bill makes it illegal to fire or evict someone for being gay or transgender and ensure equal access to public accommodation.

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gaysaltlake.com | issue 252 | february 2015

First common-law ruling for same-sex couple is now legal precedent in Utah A case involving a Utah lesbian couple who lived together as if they were married — including having a child, having matching rings, and being seen by both families as a couple — but the couple never legally married was the first test of equality in common-law marriage in the state.

Utah is only one of eight states that recognizes commonlaw marriage. Current wording refers to “between a man and a woman.” District Judge Robert Shelby, on making his ruling that Utah’s laws and constitutional amendment violated the U.S. Constitution specifically noted that all laws delineating marriage as between a man and a woman were in violation.

The law prescribes no amount of time that a couple must cohabitate as if married. It simply states that the couple must be of legal age, could legally get married, were living together, mutually assumed all marital duties and obligations, and held themselves out as married.

Plaintiffs Nicki Bidlack and Sara Clow were together for eight years until Clow died suddenly in September, 2014 of injuries sustained in a car accident on Interstate 15.

Since her partner’s death, Bidlack has been fighting to have to the state recognize her common law marriage to Clow.

She and Clow were mothers to a son, now two years old, and she wanted both women to be listed as the boy’s parents on his birth certificate. Unless she could get his birth certificate amended, he would have no claim over Clow’s estate or death benefits, despite being her biological child.

Bidlack was referred to attorney Chris Wharton by another attorney who knew that he focuses his practice on family law and LGBT advocacy. “[Bidlack] made an appointment with me shortly after her wife died and told me all about

their relationship, the child they had together, and Sara’s tragic accident,” Wharton said. “Nicki had already contacted Social Security and been denied death benefits for her and the child. After hearing Nicki’s story, I knew we had to do something.”

Wharton and Bidlack petitioned Second District Judge Ernest Jones for a ruling that the couple was, indeed, in a common-law marriage.

During a hearing, Wharton presented statements from family members saying they recognized the couple as married. They also showed family photographs of them all together as a family, and that they wore matching rings.

Wharton felt very comfortable that they were on solid legal ground in the case.

“The judge was excellent. He was very professional but also sensitive to unique circumstances of Nicki’s case,” Wharton said. “He listened to all of the testimony and reviewed all of

the exhibits we submitted. It was very reassuring to feel like we had the law and the facts on our side and I think we made that clear to the court.”

The judge ruled that Clow’s name was to be added to their child’s birth certificate, ensuring that he would have claim to her estate and death benefits. His decision is believed to be the first recognizing a common law marriage between two people of the same sex in Utah.

Wharton says this ruling will have large repercussions for others in the same position as Bidlack and Clow.

“Common law marriage allows courts to reach back in time and confer benefits on couples who never solemnized their marriages,” Wharton explains. “This can be very significant for same-sex couples because we have only had the legal ability to marry for the last couple years. Now that we finally have marriage equality, Utah’s common law marriage statute can be used to confer the legal rights

Utah Pride Center re-imagining itself under new board, executive director It’s been a tough several years at the Utah Pride Center, and incoming board president Michael Ramon Aguilar is excited to take on the job of evaluating and re-imagining what the Center’s future will be.

His first announcement is the board’s decision to bring interim director Carol Gnade on as a permanent full-time executive director.

“While [Gnade] knew then that the task at hand would be challenging, she also knew that it was too important not to try.

Carol was the calm in our storm and constantly reminded all of us — board, volunteers, staff, and community — that the impossible was, in fact, possible.

The board also brought on

five new members, including Tim Johns, vice president of development for Planned Parenthood Association of Utah; community builder Chad Morrett, a new transplant to Utah who started Men Who Move; Mona Stevens, an award-winning entertainer, teacher and coach; Lynn Suksdorf, a nonprofit development and operations expert and adjunct professor at David Eccles School of Business at the University of Utah; and Alan Walker, vice president of product for Rakuten Marketing.

Debby Berdan has also rejoined the board.

The board has already adopted a new vision statement — “A thriving LGBTQ+ community in Utah” — and a new mission

and benefits of marriage farther into the past. That means, for example, if two same-sex partners have been together in a marriagelike relationship for thirty or forty years, they could have many of the rights of marriage recognized retroactively. The only limitation is that a case for common law marriage must be initiated within a year of the relationship ending.

So, if people want to claim these marital rights, they have to act quickly once they break up or one partner passes away.”

“In Nicki’s case, the main benefits were obtaining support for the child, getting both parents on the child’s birth certificate, and bringing finality and closure to Nicki and Sara’s relationship,” Wharton continued. “But the precedent set by this case will affect inheritance and death benefits, dividing assets in a divorce, and even adoption and parentage actions. The court’s ruling has the potential for making huge differences in the lives of many LGBT Utahns. Ultimately, that is why we wanted to make Nicki’s story public — we want others in similar situations to come forward, talk to an attorney, and see if this decision can help them too.” Q statement — “The Utah Pride Center unites, empowers, and celebrates Utah’s diverse LGBTQ+ community by providing a safe and welcoming space for education, partnerships, services, and events which advance our collective health, wellness, and success.”

The board has gone through the group’s bylaws and made many revisions relating to increasing transparency to the community.

“We are committed to embracing our responsibility as a board for the Center’s strategic direction. As we began this process of evaluation and re-imagination it was very apparent to us that the Center needed to, in many ways, start anew,” Aguilar said. “Our work is far too important to fail.”

A more detailed story on the Center’s plans is online at our website at ­gaysaltlake.com. Q

february 2015 | issue 252 | gaysaltlake.com

Salt Lake City on ‘Advocate’s’ Queerest Cities list again The Advocate unveiled its seventh annual “Queerest Cities in America” list and once again, Salt Lake City takes among the top honors. While locales such as New York and West Hollywood are widely known to be LGBT-friendly, this list spotlights some unexpected cities not afraid to fly their LGBT-friendly flags.

“There are only a few true LGBT megalopolises in America — and that’s often by virtue of their sheer size,” says Matthew Breen, editorin-chief of The Advocate.

“What’s more fun, and more illuminating, is to look at the queer quotient of some lessexpected locales, using criteria that don’t focus on more expected factors. The results are always unanticipated, and this year’s list delivers some absolutely surprising cities. We love sparking conversation in those places about what makes a city LGBT-friendly— and whether that city’s spot on the list is honestly earned.”

Using its own unique and irreverent criteria, The Advocate found a surprisingly diverse group of cities. While the criteria does include important elements such as non-discrimination protections and LGBT sites on the National Register, it also includes more light-hearted factors such as LGBT film festivals and tours of Janet Jackson, Ariana Grande, Carly Rae Jepson, and Madonna that have passed through the city.

The full list of criteria: • LGBT film festivals • Non-discrimination protections in adoption • Muscial Tours: 1 point for each tour of Janet Jackson,

Ariana Grande, Carly Rae Jepson, Madonna • Chapter of the national LGBT Chamber of Commerce • Openly queer mayor • Workout: 1 point for each SoulCycle studio, Barry’s Bootcamp studio, Shaun T Beachbody event • LGBT sites on the national register: 1 point for each • Gay bookstores • Places with landmarks that went rainbow for marriage equality: 1 point for each location • Scream Queens/American HorrorStory viewing parties The Advocate noted last year’s election of the city’s first openly gay mayor, Jackie Biskupski, Janet Jackson stopping by the city on her Unbreakable tour, LGBT film available through the Utah Film Center, the Damn These Heels film festival, and Utah’s annual transgender conference, Genderevolution.

The raw score is then divided by the population to provide a ranking based on a per capita LGBT quotient.

The 2016 “Queerest Cities in America” are: 15. Berkeley, CA 14. Manchester, NH 13. Waterbury, CT 12. Eugene, OR 11. Rochester, NY 10. Boulder, CO 9. Edison, NJ 8. Salt Lake City, UT 7. San Francisco, CA 6. Washington, D.C. 5. New Haven, CT 4. St. Louis, MO 3. Cambridge, MA 2. Inglewood, CA 1. HARTFORD, CT

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 11

夀漀甀 渀攀攀搀 愀 氀愀眀礀攀爀⸀ 圀栀攀爀攀 搀漀 礀漀甀 猀琀愀爀琀㼀 䈀礀 挀愀氀氀椀渀最 䌀栀爀椀猀 圀栀愀爀琀漀渀 䰀愀眀 ∠ 䘀愀洀椀氀礀 䰀愀眀 ∠ 䌀爀椀洀椀渀愀氀 䰀愀眀 ∠ 䰀䜀䈀吀 䄀搀瘀漀挀愀挀礀 䌀栀爀椀猀 圀栀愀爀琀漀渀 椀猀 愀 琀爀甀猀琀攀搀 渀攀最漀琀椀愀琀漀爀 愀渀搀 琀爀椀愀氀 愀琀琀漀爀渀攀礀 眀椀琀栀 攀砀瀀攀爀椀攀渀挀攀 愀挀爀漀猀猀 琀栀攀 猀琀愀琀攀 漀昀 唀琀愀栀⸀ 䔀瘀攀爀礀 渀攀眀 挀氀椀攀渀琀 爀攀挀攀椀瘀攀猀 愀 昀爀攀攀 椀渀椀琀椀愀氀 挀漀渀猀甀氀琀愀琀椀漀渀 眀椀琀栀漀甀琀 愀渀礀 漀戀氀椀最愀琀椀漀渀⸀

䌀栀爀椀猀琀漀瀀栀攀爀 圀栀愀爀琀漀渀

䄀瓷瓷濷狷滷旷秷 懷瓷 䰀懷矷 䌀愀氀氀 㠀 ㄀ⴀ㘀㐀㤀ⴀ㌀㔀㈀㤀

昀漀爀 愀 昀爀攀攀 挀漀渀猀甀氀琀愀琀椀漀渀

䌀栀爀椀猀 圀栀愀爀琀漀渀 䰀愀眀Ⰰ 䰀䰀䌀 ㄀ 圀 䈀爀漀愀搀眀愀礀Ⰰ 匀琀攀 㔀 匀愀氀琀 䰀愀欀攀 䌀椀琀礀Ⰰ 唀琀愀栀 㠀㐀㄀ ㄀ 挀栀爀椀猀眀栀愀爀琀漀渀氀愀眀⸀挀漀洀

12 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 252 | february 2016

Man pleads guilty in Layton Grindr case Boy Scouts revamping The 29-year-old man who was allegedly trading sexual images on Grindr with what turned out to be a 13-year-old boy in Layton pleaded guilty to dealing in materials harmful to a minor, a third-degree felony.

Prosecutors agreed to dismiss one count of sexual exploitation of a minor, a seconddegree felony.

David B. Ellis was arrested June 7 and released on $15,000 bail.

According to Utah law, to be convicted of the offense of dealing materials harmful to a minor, a person must, “knowing or believing that a person is a minor, or having negligently failed to determine the proper age of a minor,” intentionally distribute or exhibit material harmful to minors. Each separate offense is a third degree felony punishable by a minimum mandatory fine of not less than $1,000, plus $10 for each article exhibited up to the maximum allowed by law; and incarceration, without suspension of sentence, for a term of not less than 14 days, but could be as much as five years.

To be guilty of sexual exploitation of a

Q mmunity Equality Utah Jazz Brunch Equality Utah’s popular Winter Event, the Jazz Brunch has become one of the lookedforward-to events of the winter. Starting at with morning libations and a silent auction, a brunch and entertainment will follow.

The Falls at Trolley Square are in the South Building, the newer structures which front 600 East. Free parking is available under the South Building with entrances at the corner of 600 South and at the corner of 500 South and 600 East.

Turner Britton (turner@equalityutah. org) is the contact for volunteers or to

minor — which was dropped in this case — attorneys would have had to prove that Ellis knowingly possessed child pornography. Sexual exploitation of a minor is a second degree felony, with each separate image being a separate offense, with a possible sentence of one to 15 years in prison and up to $10,000 for each offense.

Police say that the 13-year-old downloaded the Grindr app onto his smart phone, posed as an 18-year-old and began interacting with men, including Dakota Freeman, 20, of Clearfield and Ellis. Grindr is an Android and iOS-based app that calls itself the “largest and most popular allmale location-based social network” with a requirement that users be 18 years of age.

Most men using the service are seeking sexual relations with other men, though some are seeking longer-term relationships.

Freeman is accused of meeting the boy, entering his hotel room and engaging in sex with the minor in the bathroom while the boy’s parents slept. The father awoke upon hearing Freeman allegedly leave the room and called police. Ellis showed up while police were investigating the initial call and police arrested him.

Freeman entered not-guilty pleas to two counts of sodomy upon a child, a first-degree felony. His court hearing is scheduled for Jan. 4.

A sentencing hearing is scheduled for Jan. 28 where Briggs could be sentenced to up to five years at the Utah State Prison.

No charges against the 13-year-old boy have been filed in the case. Freeman is scheduled for a hearing after press time. Q make silent auction donations.

WHEN: Sunday, Feb 6, 10am to noon WHERE: The Falls at Trolley Square COST: $75 or table of 8 for $600 INFO: equalityutah.org/jazzbrunch

Third Friday Bingo at First Baptist The Matrons of Mayhem return to First Baptist Church for Third Friday Bingo. Come early to get a good seat. This month’s charity is a crowd favorite: Rocky Mountain Great Dane Rescue.

WHEN: Fri. Feb 19, 7pm WHERE: First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E COST: $5 first card, $3/addl INFO: facebook.com/matronsofmayhem.slc

definition of ‘ideal sponsor’ organizations

Possibly in response to two Salt Lake City organizations attempting to create welcoming scout troops, the national Boy Scouts of America have taken to retooling the organization’s definition of an ideal sponsoring organization.

Great Salt Lake Council Scout Executive Rick Barnes explains that the new application for sponsoring organizations “must not use the Scouting program to pursue and objective related to political or social advocacy.”

Restore Our Humanity executive director Mark Lawrence says that the BSA is reaching to keep his and similar groups out of Scouting. The organization applied last year to sponsor a troop open to all boys, regardless of religion or sexual orientation.

National leaders say the Restore’s application is still being reviewed.

QUAC raises over $3K for Homeless Youth Resource Center

On New Years Day, 19 Queer Utah Aquatics Club swimmers gathered at Fairmont Aquatic Center to raise money in support of the Homeless Youth Resource Center. Each swimmer committed to swimming 100 lengths of the pool, 100 laps or 100 by 100 yards. They also gathered pledges from friends and family members for each their efforts.

By the end of the 3-hour session in the pool, the 19 swimmers completed a total of 133,050 yards — 75.6 miles of swimming — which is like swimming to Ogden and back from Salt Lake City.

The swimmers raised over $3,200 from friends and family members who pledged to sponsor a swimmer. Swimmers also used pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters to keep track of each lap they completed in the pool. The coins were collected in the end to go to the Homeless Youth Resource Center.

This is the second year QUAC members used their New Years Day swim to raise money for a charity. Because of the success and generosity of donors, this is a tradition they hope to continue for many years.

The group is hosting its annual Ski-NSwim, Feb 19–21. Registration is open now at ski-n-swim.org.

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 13

february 2015 | issue 252 | gaysaltlake.com

St. George, Utah police call assault on gay man a hate crime A gay man was attacked two separate nights by a male-female couple, according to St. George police.

On the first night, the victim was allegedly caught in a dispute with 22-year-old Mohamed Fathi Oanaw and his wife, 38-year-old Mayra Dinora Casas. Police received a hang-up 911 call from the house of a female friend. Responding officers were told that Oanaw was verbally and physically assaulting the gay man, but the victim declined to press charges.

On the next morning, Casas texted the alleged victim, saying Oanaw was out of the house and Mohammed Fathi Oanaw he could retrieve items belonging to a third woman. She also stated they could “talk about last night.”

Once the gay man was at the house, Oanaw charged from a bedroom, according to police reports, and screamed anti-gay slurs at him.

“Mohamed punched [the victim] and knocked him back towards the kitchen while continuing to scream sexual slurs at him,” the arresting officer wrote in the statement. “Mohamed grabbed a Mayra Dinora Casas chair to swing at [the victim], but it was taken from him by [the third woman]. Mayra was present and yelled slurs at [the victim] while yelling for Mohamed to ‘get the fag.’”

The report then states Oanaw allegedly unbuttoned his pants and partially exposed himself while repeatedly yelling at the gay man to perform a sexual act. The victim pushed past Oanaw to escape down the hall but Oanaw grabbed him and began punching and kicking him, according to the statement. “[The victim] attempted to fight back and

defend himself,” the arresting officer wrote.

“They wrestled back and forth, breaking the door to the water heater room.”

Casas continued yelling anti-gay slurs and egging Oanaw on while the second woman was begging for them to stop, the statement read, but Oanaw allegedly threw the man down on a bathroom floor and continued attacking him.

Oanaw then took the man’s $800 smartphone from his pocket and threw it against the ground, shattering the screen, according to the report. Casas then stomped on the phone before picking it up and bending it until it snapped in half.

When the second woman attempted to call 911, Casas snatched her phone away from her, the report stated. Oanaw stopped hitting the man when the third woman, who lives at the residence, called the police.

“When I arrived on scene,” the officer wrote, “Mayra stated repeatedly that [Oanaw] was mad about ‘gay shit’ and that [the victim] was a ‘faggot’ who wanted to ‘fuck my husband.’ Mohamed kept stating he hated ‘gay boys’ and that he was Muslim.”

According to the probable cause statement, Oanaw was Mirandized by police and admitted to yelling sexual slurs, starting the physical fight, exposing himself and breaking the man’s smartphone.

“Under Miranda,” the officer wrote, “Mayra admitted nothing and answered every question with ‘no.’”

Oanaw and Casas were arrested and booked into the Washington County Purgatory Correctional Facility. Oanaw was charged with second-degree felony robbery and three class A misdemeanors for lewdness, assault and criminal mischief. He was been released from custody on $13,900 bond.

Casas was charged with second-degree felony robbery, third-degree felony unlawful acquisition of a finance card, four class A misdemeanors for assault, criminal mischief, theft and possession of another’s identifying documents, and a class B misdemeanor for damaging a communication device.

The police report classified the incident as a hate crime.

Oanaw appeared before Judge Eric Ludlow in December and was scheduled for a roll-call hearing on Jan. 25. Q

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14 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

“

When I sent that tweet a few years ago just letting people know that I am gay it was the most amazing day of my life after the birth of my kids.”

—Ricky Martin to QSaltLake’s Chris Azzopardi

Letters: Which god do LDS leaders listen to?

Editor: Now that we know that the cruel treatment of the children of gay couples by LDS leaders is really not the fault of those leaders. God himself is being blamed. If this is the god of the Old Testament, I’m not at all surprised. The “old” god advised killing babies of the enemy tribe by dashing their little heads against rocks.

Then, Jesus of the New Testament, comes along and seems like a really nice guy. Seems like Jesus even liked little kids; Actually, Jesus seemed to like most everybody.

The Mormons are fond of espousing that they are all not only Christian, but actual saints of this belief system.

Question: Which god told the LDS leaders that it was okay to treat the children of gay couples so unkindly?

I do hope that the god who is advising current Mormon leaders wasn’t the same God who was giving advice at the Mountain Meadow’s massacre, where so many children were murdered.

When I had some questions for the late Apostle, L. Tom Perry, around some free speech issues, he told me that, “no one ever had the right to ever question any of the teachings of the leaders or any of the writings of the church.” Then he hung up on me.

TED OTTINGER Taylorsville, Utah

views

gaysaltlake.com | issue 252 | february 2016

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february 2016 | issue 252 | gaysaltlake.com

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There comes

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time in every father’s life when he has to put on his big boy pants and explain to his son the facts of life. Recently, I had to put those pants on and explain “the birds and the bees” to our 12-year old son. Gus described the whole experience as “totally awkward.” Yeah, how did he think I felt?

I recognize that I’m not the first dad in history to have this conversation with his son. But there is a big difference for me: I’m gay, and my son is straight.

What I know about women, their bodies and how everything “down there” works could fill a thimble with plenty of room leftover.

The “your body is changing” portion of our discussion was easy. Along with already having lived through puberty myself, he and I attended his fifth grade maturation program together a couple of years ago. It was a mass of little boys trying hard not to giggle. Of course, when

the facilitator announced that men’s erections are all pretty much the same size, I audibly guffawed.

As he squirmed, and I kept my eyes locked on my shoes, I explained to him about everything from body hair growth to acne.

I warned him to be prepared to be unexpectedly ... um, excited at the most inopportune times. I alerted him to the crazy rushes of testosterone.

I spoke from experience. But that’s where our similar paths to manhood ended. Back when I was his age, no one told me how to be intimate with another man. I had to fumble through the mechanics, learning along the way. So I asked him if he knew how babies were made. The next thing I knew, without being overly graphic, I

was explaining the mechanics of heterosexual sex.

The words that came out of my mouth would make any self-respecting gay man lose his lunch. But I persevered. What really amazed me wasn’t so much what I was saying as much as the fact that at no time did Gus look at me and ask, “How in the world would you know?” The truth of the matter is I really didn’t. It was all an educated assumption.

However, there was one aspect of becoming a man that I believe is truly the same for straight and gay men alike. It’s the need to connect love with sex. Yeah, a great selling point for gay men is that we’re wired to have noncommittal sex, and a lot of it. But there’s something amazing when the sex is connected to love.

So I told my 12-year old son that it’s best to wait until he is married before being physically intimate with a woman. Had I left it at that I would have been a hypocrite. Now quite honestly parents are hypocrites most of the time, but this was important: I had to provide him with options.

We made a deal: Every time

that the opportunity to be intimate with a girl presented itself, he should decline. He needs to determine if it makes as much sense for his heart and brain as it does other parts of his body.

And when he is convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that having sex is the right choice, because it makes sense for all his organs, then he’s to come to me so we can purchase condoms.

I went one step further. I promised that when he was ready to use those condoms, I’d show him how they worked. The look of utter horror and disgust on his face left me only one response: On a banana, dude! On a banana! Q

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16 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 252 | february 2016

rizzi

Love

BY MARCI TAYLOR-RIZZI

I was

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sitting in a local bar with a couple of friends when my telephone rang. Before I could say hello, the caller blurted out “will you marry me?”

My initial reaction was to laugh, I mean we live in Utah and it just isn’t possible to run to the courthouse and apply for a license. “Of course I would marry you” was my reply. “No really, will you marry me? Utah just legalized samesex marriage,” she said.

So many thoughts swirled through my befuddled mind as I uttered the word yes. She asked where I was and once I told her she headed my way. I looked at my friends and told them the good news, but it didn’t feel like good news. It felt like a shotgun wedding, only it wasn’t possible for her to accidentally knock me up.

We had been together for over eight years so I wasn’t afraid of commitment, I

already committed to her over and over again. I was angry that we had to rush before a stay was placed on the ruling.

I was angry that I had always imagined us making our commitment to one another in October and instead we would be rushing to get a license and married with only days to plan. I was angry that our love couldn’t just be enough to get a marriage license without a political battle.

Looking back I was angry that marriage seemed to be the symbol of love, as if marriage was the only way to solidify my relationship. To a public already astonished by my love,

I felt forced to make a mad dash to the courthouse. Love is more than this, right?

Love is a tricky notion.

What else can cause the greatest amount of pain but also provide ecstasy so great that words can’t seem to capture its true essence? Many people with

more eloquent words and minds have tried to quantify and capture what love is, how it works and what it looks like.

For some, love comes at a large cost, losing family and friends.

For others, love is simple and done without much thought.

Wherever you fall on the spectrum, most people crave love, will do anything for love, and will fight for the mere idea of love. Without a clear definition, love is a pursuit everyone seems invested.

Without looming court battles, I find that I can invest in love again, the love of the simple things surrounding me each day. I love looking out my windows and watching the snow fall gently on the streets. I love that my dog insists on lying next to my office chair while I work. I love the random texts, typically in the middle of the afternoon, from my kids informing me of some random fact about horses or Star Wars. I love that when my partner comes home from work she seeks me out to give me a kiss. I love that my family is healthy and safe. I love, again, without caveats and threats of being legally vulnerable, because love is impossible without feeling safe. Q

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 17

february 2016 | issue 252 | gaysaltlake.com

creep of the month

Ben Carson

Anti-Aging & Skincare:

BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI

Whether

you call them “special rights” or “extra rights,” it has long been the argument of the anti-gayers that what LGBT people want goes above and beyond the rights of “normal” people.

It reminds me of that scene in “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” when Wonka gives each child an Everlasting Gobstopper. Veruca Salt turns to Violet Beauregarde and shouts, “Hey! She’s got two!

I want another one!”

“Stop squawking, you twit!” Violet hollers back, holding up the single Gobstopper in her hand.

Meanwhile Mr. Wonka is setting them up to lose the contest. He’s got the real power.

But they’re too busy bickering with each other to notice.

It’s a pretty good depiction of Republican politics, actually. If you can make people believe they’re being ripped off by their neighbors, it’s pretty easy to distract them and get them to vote against their own interests. Like when Republicans convince married heterosexuals that gays and lesbians don’t just want the right to marry, they want to destroy the entire institution. Before marriage equality came along, it was a common argument that lesbians and gays had the same right to marry as everyone else, so long as it was to someone of the opposite sex.

Which brings us to today’s squawking twit, Ben Carson.

In a recent interview, host Matthew Franck asks Carson, “What will you do as president to guarantee that federal funding will not be used to force school districts to require girls to shower with boys?”

“You see how silly this is. It’s beyond ridiculous that you take the most abnormal situation and then you make everyone else conform to it,” Carson replies.

He continues, “So, you know, boys who say, ‘I feel like a girl today, I wanna go in the girls’ lavatory,’ that is such a bunch of garbage.”

Got it. Transgender kids are garbage.

Also, Carson has no understanding of what a transgender kid is. And he’s got another

guy, just as clueless, asking him to protect Americans from all of these boys trying to pull a fast one so that they can see girls in their underwear.

“That’s one of the very reasons that I have been an outspoken opponent of things like gay marriage,” Carson says. “I don’t have any problem with gay people doing anything they want to do.”

So long as they don’t want to get married.

“Everybody

is equal, everybody has equal rights, but nobody gets extra rights,” Carson continues. “And

when we start trying to impose the extra rights based on a few people who perhaps are abnormal, where does that lead?” After all, Carson adds, gay people already have freedom of association.

“If gay people wanna have an association, they can have an association,” he says. “If they wanna have legal documents created so they can have visitation rights and share property, they can have that done. Without disturbing the whole system.”

In other words, homos and trannies, you’re all a bunch of freaks. And for that you not only deserve to be discriminated against, but you should be thankful for having any rights at all! Now stop disturbing the perfectly happy heterosexual system.

“We are absolutely destroying ourselves because we are paying attention to political correctness,” Carson continues. “You know, our time is running out. If

we don’t stand up for principles now and we get a progressive (president) and they get two or three Supreme Court picks, say goodbye to America.”

And hello to Gaymerica! Where everything’s coming up roses and there’s no business like show business! And Ethel Merman is on the 10 dollar bill, obviously.

Oh, and where opposite sex couples can’t get married, per se, but are welcome to try to cobble together some sort of legal relationship at a lawyer’s office. Have fun with your

freedom of association. Because if it was good enough for the gays, surely it’ll be good enough for you. Q

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18 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 252 | february 2016

lambda lore

State v.

Sinclair

BY BEN WILLIAMS

On Jan. 4,

2016, Jackie Biskupski became the first lesbian mayor of Salt Lake City. Nearly 53 years ago, almost to the day, a sensational murder occurred.

Don Foster, a 33-year-old married man who was carrying on an illicit affair with 32-yearold LaRae Peterson — a “divorcee” — was slain in an ambush in the parking lot of the Susan Kay Arms apartment complex, between 5th and 6th North on 2nd West (which, since street numbers were changed in 1973, is now between 6th and 7th North, Third West — the Marmalade Square condos). Returning from a movie date just after midnight, the couple had pulled into the Susan Kay Arms to continue their romantic tryst.

As the 6-foot-tall Foster got out on the driver’s side, he turned to reach into to the rear seat for his overcoat, when a short-range gunshot blast came from behind some parked cars. The bullet hit him in the face and neck as Peterson watched in horror and cried out, “Oh God, she killed him.” Awakened by the noise and the cries for help, neighbors called the police. When they arrived, they found Peterson sitting on the ground, holding the victim’s head in her lap. Foster was taken to a Salt Lake hospital, but was pronounced dead on arrival. A witness told police he saw a man run from the parking lot and get into a white or light tan late model sedan and drive north on 2nd West. In questioning LaRae of whom Foster might have made an enemy, the name of Jean Sinclair came up.

Jean Sinclair was a single 44-year-old woman who operated a nursing home in Salt Lake City. Those who knew of her said that she appeared to be “perverted toward the masculine side; affected masculine character and appearance and wore mannish-type clothes.” She was said to be “a strong-willed individual, who usually got her way.” Her friends called her “King.”

The investigators of Foster’s murder soon came to the conclusion that Sinclair had an “unnatural relationship with Petersen for whom she had an inordinate attachment and concern.” The detectives felt that Sinclair was extremely jealous of Foster, and “harbored a violent resentment toward him.” In further investigation, detectives found that Sinclair had talked to friends of “various ways of compelling Foster to leave Peterson alone.” She

even proposed a plan to drug Peterson, strip her, and put her in a “lesbian act” where Foster could witness it. Sinclair hoped this might break up their affair. Dissuaded from that idea Sinclair was said to have made proposals to two men she knew, Vaughn Humphries and Karl Kuehne, on separate occasions, that the three of them disguise themselves as Mormon “Danites” and kidnap Foster and castrate him or at least put a knife blade to his testicles and “threaten castration to scare him into keeping away from Peterson.”

Kuehne, an ex-convict, testified that in the fall of 1962, Sinclair told him “I think the sonof-a-bitch ought to be killed.” Around Dec. 28, 1962, “using the pretext that she wanted a shotgun to shoot some pheasants on the farm in Sandy,” Sinclair got Kuehne to buy her a 12-gauge shotgun and some shells. On Jan. 4, 1963, the evening before the crime, Kuehne stated that Sinclair brought the shotgun to his home and asked him to saw off the barrel, which he did. He said she left his home with the gun and shells about 11 p.m., and was “dressed in gray men’s pants, had on boots, and had a tan trench coat wrapped around the gun.” Sinclair was arrested and charged with first degree murder on Kuehne’s testimony.

Sinclair was tried April 13, 1963 in the Third District Court, presided over by Judge Marcellus K. Snow with an all-male jury. The state claimed that motive for the murder was Sinclair’s “unnatural relationship with Peterson; that she had such an impassioned attachment to her and resentment of Foster that she wanted to resort to fiendish violence to get rid of his rivalry for her favors.” District Attorney Jay E. Banks told the jury “evidence of homosexuality in this trial provided the motive for the defendant to kill Mr. Foster.”

“We are not trying Jean Sinclair for any relationship between herself and Mrs. Peterson but it does come into this case however as a motive to kill.” He then told the jury, “the love between women is a jealous love and there is no wrath’s like a woman’s.”

Over the next 16 days, witnesses testified of Sinclair’s jealousy over Peterson with whom she’d had a 7-year relationship. Peterson had opened a beauty parlor in Sinclair’s rest home at 2300 S. State St. The prosecutors were interested in Sinclair’s manner of dress and had one witness, Kermit Dubois, testify that he had sold two suits to Sinclair and even fitted them for her.

He said “I thought she was a man.”

Other witnesses said they observed a person, resembling Sinclair, in the parking area near where Foster was killed, and who ran from the apartment onto 5th North Street carrying an object extending 18- to 24-inches

above the right hand and get into a twotoned car and drove away. Sinclair had owned a car of this general description. The district attorney provided evidence that the morning after the killing, Sinclair had taken a trench coat and some slacks, which had grease spots and dirt on them, to a cleaners.

Peterson was called to testify in the case but refused to answer any questions during the trial regarding her relationship to Sinclair, even when ordered to do so by the court. Her attorney, Jim Mitsunga, had advised her not to answer the questions put to her by the prosecutor on grounds they could incriminate her and “degrade her.” After the trial Judge Snow ordered Peterson to five days in jail for “contempt of court” for refusing to answer whether she had a lesbian affair with Sinclair.

The defense called Sinclair’s brother and sister-in-law, Mr. and Mrs. Lamond Sinclair to testify. They claimed that Jean Sinclair was at their home the night of the slaying with Mrs. Sinclair saying, “Jean was not out of my sight 10 or 15 minutes.”

Nevertheless, on May 4, 1963, Jean Sinclair was convicted following the jury trial of the crime of first degree murder of Foster after the all-male jury deliberated for 17 hours. As the judge read the verdict and the clerk announced the sentence, Sinclair sat “poker faced,” as “one female spectator in court gasped.” Following the jury recommendation for leniency, Judge Snow sentenced Sinclair to life imprisonment.

She was received at the Utah State Prison in April, 1964. Sinclair appealed her conviction for many years even after it was upheld by the Utah State Supreme Court in 1967.

In 1973, Sinclair suffered a stroke while being held in the Weber County Jail and was placed in a rest home. The Utah Board of Pardons then set May 15 as a parole date.

She died within months, maintaining her innocence.

The sensational and salacious trial of Sinclair was noted as having a carnival atmosphere. It was one of the reasons she claimed she did not receive a fair trial. Even her defense attorney Sumner J. Hatch argued that she was tried for being a homosexual as much as for murder. “Can there be any plainer inferences that the jury ignored the evidence and convicted solely on the oft inferred but never proved innuendo that there was some kind of homosexual relationship between the defendant and Mrs. Peterson… an inference of a not understood and apparent undesirable sexual relationship for which the defendant was not on trial but for which she should be gotten off the streets and away from society.” Q

february 2016 | issue 252 | gaysaltlake.com

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 19

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20 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FIRST COMES LOVE

Finding Love

BY MICHAEL C. LASALA, PHD

OK,

so, you’re gay, you want to find a partner and eventually a husband; someone with whom to share your life. However, you just can’t seem to meet the right guy or make the right connection. You keep coming up empty-handed, stymied in your efforts, no matter what you try. All of this talk of legalized marriage just seems to make things worse, adding pressure from friends, family, and even yourself.

You think, maybe it’s just not possible for gay men to have long-term relationships. There must be some truth to the old joke: “What does a gay man bring on a second date?” Response: “What second date?” You would be ready to throw in the towel, if it weren’t for your best friend who met someone and is now in a happy relationship for the past two years — or that middle-aged couple who live in your building and who just celebrated 25 years together with a trip to Paris. So you end up wondering “What’s the matter with me? What am I doing wrong?”

As an openly gay man with over thirty years of experience as a therapist, I have seen scores of single gay men sabotage their efforts to find a partner, placing obstacles in their own path —without having the slightest idea as to what they are doing and why. Fortunately, I have also learned how to identify and name these self-defeating and often hidden hurdles—and have discovered that they are beliefs that too many gay men repeat to themselves, often without even knowing it. They are as follows: “THE REAL TRUTH IS, I AM UNLOVABLE.” In my experience, this internalized belief is the poison that prevents some gay men from building a healthy relationship, and also why many mess up the ones they already have. There’s a reason for this.

Few of us grow up unscathed by family, peers, and a society

hostile to our attractions and behaviors. Some of us have been bullied as children; physically, verbally, and emotionally abused at tender ages by our peers and family members for being gay before we even recognized and understood our same-sex attractions. This toxic internalized belief is further ingrained if we have been treated harshly (or abandoned) by our fathers, the first men in our lives to teach us about our value in the eyes of other males. Sadly, these wounds are difficult to heal, and as a result, can leave gay men with the sense that we are unlovable and thus unworthy of love, affection, and happiness.

In my clinical and personal experiences, these feelings can be so deeply hidden as to be difficult to recognize, articulate and resolve. My clients rarely, initially state or even recognize that they feel unworthy of love, but their behaviors tell a different story. One telltale sign is obsessive jealousy. Once in a relationship you may feel a constant need to control the other partner to make sure he stays connected and faithful to you. In addition, you seek never ending reassurance (checking his cell phone, needing to know where he is at all times, demanding he tells you he loves you all of the time--you get the idea). What belies these feelings and behaviors is the fear that you are is so flawed that you cannot attract and keep a partner without monitoring and controlling him—even though these behaviors ironically push him away.

“IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO MEET THE RIGHT GUY.” No doubt, finding the right partner is not easy. Remember, you are looking for a life mate; that glass slipper is hardly one size fits all, and very few men will qualify. For sure, so much of the gay male world is way too focused on looks, youth, the gym, partying, and fast hookups; so searching

gaysaltlake.com | issue 252 | february 2016

for Mr. Right is like looking for a needle in a gaystack. However, feeling subconsciously unlovable or unworthy can again rear its head here through your choices.

That muscled, tattooed bad boy is hotter than hell, and great in bed, but is he showing any sign that he is ready to settle down?

You seek a man who wants a monogamous relationship, but do you really think you’ll find him on Manhunt, Grindr or Scruff?

(Trust me, these prowling tigers do not change their stripes once they are hitched.) Perhaps you have a bit of a fetish for the strong silent type. (They always seem to ooze masculin-

ity, don’t they?) But if you need sharing communication and emotional reassurance, you may find that the mysterious brooder is actually an unresponsive “cold fish” after a few months. Is he really the one for you? Or how about the guy who gives you the chase, sending hopelessly mixed signals that are impossible to understand, such as ignoring you for periods of time alternating with romantic texting—leaving you wondering “does he or doesn’t he?” Isn’t this a dead end?

(Answer: Yes, honey, it is.)

Perhaps your close friends have rolled their eyes as they’ve watched you repeatedly making poor partner choices, trying to make husbands out of men who are unavailable. If you find yourself consistently in these patterns, perhaps you are, as the song goes, looking for love in

all the wrong places. At a deeper level, this could be an indication that you don’t feel worthy enough to be loved—or, perhaps even more perplexing—you do not really want to be in a relationship and don’t know it yet.

“I SHOULD BE IN A RELATIONSHIP.” In the old days, when I was coming out, being gay had more of an outlaw quality.

Nonmonogamy was a political statement, and gay rights advocates saw marriage as constrictive, patriarchal, heterocentric, flawed (perhaps due to the 50% failure rate) and therefore not worthy of pursuit,

especially in light of how gay men of the era were still getting ejected from their jobs, homes, families and blackmailed and arrested for who they were. For sure, the pendulum has swung far in the other direction.

Contrary to heterosexual fears, legal gay marriage has given the institution an enormous boost in importance. Same sex couples are getting married in droves, and some gay weddings are so theatrical and over-the-top that they can actually be intimidating (See the Saturday Night Live skit: Xanax for Gay Weddings for a hilarious send up of this phenomenon). This can all translate into feelings of pressure to couple up.

Unfortunately, along with legal marriage comes the risk of inheriting straight society’s “couplecentrism,” which is the idea that being single is wrong, sad, and a sign of psychological problems

february 2016 | issue 252 | gaysaltlake.com

that need to be “fixed.” This is just plain wrong. Not everyone needs to be in a couple nor should be.

Many single gay men are happy, valuing their autonomy and personal freedom (like the muscled bad boy described above). There are things many men have to give up to be in a couple. No problem there, but one needs to be honest with oneself about his true needs and wants and do the (hard) work of freeing oneself from societal and family pressures.

LIKE THAT GIRL IN FROZEN, YOU NEED TO “LET IT GO.” Perhaps your hurdle is a previous relationship that you can’t shake. I’ve worked with many gay widowers — guys with good relationship track records, who are anxiously seeking a new mate, but sabotaging themselves in ways described above. Upon close examination, we jointly discovered their worry that if they got romantically involved with someone else, they would be abandoning their previous mate. I have had several grieving men tell me: “If I move on, it will be like I am forgetting him,” which is just not true.

A variation of this theme is when a relationship ends, but you just don’t want to let go of it—even if the guy is still alive.

You might still be living together, or stay best friends. You are no longer official partners, but worry if you met someone, he would be upset—or perhaps you would, because it would be too painful to finally say good bye.

A wise teacher once told me that once we have been in a relationship, it never really fully ends — even if we have been divorced or our partner has died, the heart never fully lets go. The good news is the heart’s capacity is not limited by physical space. Instead of getting rid of the old loves, the heart makes room for new ones — but we have to be willing to open up and welcome them.

So, how do we figure out what’s getting in the way and how do we fix it? Here are some ideas: KNOW THYSELF. For sure, a first step is to recognize your patterns. Does anything you have read thus far seem familiar?

Even a little bit? Take the time to

reflect on your behavior and how you might be getting in your own way. You might even ask one of your good, trusted girlfriends (of any gender) for their honest feedback. Be sure to give them permission to risk hurting your feelings. It might sting but it could be worth it.

LOVE THYSELF. Many people keep making the same mistakes without taking the time to pause, breathe and figure out what’s really happening. Do this in a loving way, giving yourself the messages of compassion, patience and acceptance — no beating yourself up! (Hasn’t the world done that to you enough?) Reflect upon what you learned from your family and peers about how lovable you are — or aren’t (!) Remember, as a gay man, you have survived lots of indirect and direct messages that there was something wrong with you, which has left scars. You are not alone. Gay men have been taught to be think of ourselves as unlovable. So now, make a promise yourself to intercept and interrupt any self-talk that continues this tendency.

THERAPY? I am not one of those therapists who think everyone needs psychotherapy.

Many can figure out their behavioral patterns on their own and then proceed to change them.

However, a good therapist can help you understand how wounds from the past, long-believed to be dead and buried, can reemerge like zombies when and where you least expect them. He or she can do this by helping you identify how you are getting in your own way; figure out why you are doing this; and help you find ways to love yourself better and thus free you up to find men who are, in turn, healthy and good husband material, or live happily single, as you were meant to be.

In the words of one our most prominent modern day philosophers, Ru Paul: “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you ever gonna’ love someone else?

Can I get an Amen?” Amen! Q Michael C. LaSala, Ph.D., is an associate professor at Rutgers University and author of “Coming Out, Coming Home: Helping Families Adjust to a Gay or Lesbian Child.”

FIRST COMES LOVE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 21

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22 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FIRST COMES LOVE

Keeping Love

BY JOSEPH

HINDY

When a

relationship goes wrong it’s usually because both parties are to blame. You may have read otherwise but when one person does something wrong it inspires bad behavior in the other person and vice versa. To all of you readers out there, you can’t change people but you can fix the issues that you’re causing and hope that it motivates your partner to fix theirs too.

Here are some of the biggest relationship mistakes most people make.

YOU DON’T GIVE THEM ENOUGH GIFTS This is a common one. After a while it’s hard to drive up the motivation to get your partner something special. Money may be tight or you may not think about it anymore because you have slid into that routine that all couples get into eventually.

There is absolutely no point in any relationship where the woman or man in your life doesn’t like getting something nice.

YOU GIVE THEM THE WRONG GIFTS It’s just as bad to give him the wrong gifts.

It is a frequent occurrence that one will get their partner a gift that they actually want but wants to disguise it as a gift for their partner or for both of them. After a very short period of time (if you’re paying attention) you will know what kind of stuff your partner likes. Stay within those defined lines unless otherwise notified. If they like clothes and shoes and you buy them a pool tarp, you are doing it wrong.

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND YOUR PARTNER People are like snowflakes. They are all different and that makes them infinitely more difficult to understand. That makes this a more common problem than many will admit. If you’re having problems figuring out your partner, then you should probably sit down and ask them some questions.

If you’ve been trying this long and

gaysaltlake.com | issue 252 | february 2016

have failed, it’s probably not a good idea to base your relationship on the idea that you’ll eventually just understand them.

YOU’RE SCARED OR INTIMIDATED

BY YOUR PARTNER Don’t get us wrong. Partners can be scary.

They can be very scary. That doesn’t mean that they’ll sit there and take you being scared of them. When you’re in a relationship, you’re in a partnership. If one feels like you’re only around because you’re too scared to do what you really want then they’ll get rid of you and find someone who isn’t afraid to show they how they feel.

YOU PUT SOMETHING ELSE BEFORE YOUR PARTNER This is pretty self-explanatory. No person ever likes it when their significant other puts work, another person, or anything else before them. You had better believe your partner has a running tally of how many times you’ve blown off a dinner date because of work or because of your friends. We’re not saying you can’t have a job, friends, or interests but when push comes to shove you’d better make sure your partner knows they matters the most.

YOU DON’T PAY ENOUGH ATTENTION TO THEIR FEELINGS When a partner in a relationship is angry, they may not show it like a normal person.

If they’re jealous, suspicious, or otherwise unhappy then you’re looking at pretty much the same predicament. Unfortunately it’s your job to figure it out because what they are doing is essentially testing you. If you notice that something is off you are rewarded with them telling you the problem and giving you and opportunity to fix it. If you let it go,

they’ll do the same to you.

YOU PAY WAY TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO THEIR FEELINGS If you’re asking your partner what the problem is every other day or every day then you’re probably looking too far into things. It’s touching and sweet at first but rest assured it’ll start getting annoying. Soon the problem will be you and we both know what happens when you’re the problem in a relationship.

YOU DON’T INSPIRE TRUST As far as I’m concerned, this is the most important item on the list. If you can’t get them to trust you, then you have messed up pretty bad. The rest of these are issues that are easily overcome but trust is something that’ll likely be lost forever. It’s a fragile feeling and it’s easy to shatter trust.

It doesn’t have to be cheating or outward lying either. If you’re sending messages to another person on Facebook and they could even remotely be construed as suggestive, then you better hope your partner never finds out. If they do, it’s game over.

The best way to inspire trust and the best way to maintain it is to simply not do anything that could destroy it.

YOU’RE TOO CLINGY OR WISHY WASHY People love a partner who is around frequently, but if you’re attached to their hip they’re going to learn to dislike it when you’re around. If they wanted an animal that hugged their leg all day, they’d have kids or get a dog. They need a partner and especially one who knows how to give them space when they need it. Also, don’t be too wishy-washy. If you have to ask if you’re being too wishy-washy then you’re probably being too wishy-washy. You can love someone without turning into a total pansy.

YOU DON’T TALK TO THEM ENOUGH One of the reasons you’re even in a relationship is so you don’t have to go through life alone. If you’re not talking to your partner then why do you have one? Sit down on a frequent basis and talk to them.

Ask them about their day, tell them about your dreams, and discuss things you have in common. They’re not just a person you have sex with, they’re your best friend and partner in crime. If the communication is weak then the relationship is weak.

If you have a problem, fix it and hope that it encourages your partner to do the same. Q

february 2016 | issue 252 | gaysaltlake.com

Utah Gay & Lesbian Wedding Expo We’ve all heard the horror stories of same-sex couples trying to put together a wedding, and a photographer or cake maker or venue refuses them once they find out it is a same-sex marriage. They claim religious exemptions, yet samesex couples seemed singled out over other wedding with biblical issues.

The calls are for boycotts, which fire up both sides, and the bigoted business owners make a ton of money from the extreme right through crowdfunding appeals.

Why go through the hassle? We are putting together vendors who would LOVE to participate in your samesex wedding, reception and honeymoon. QSaltLake hosts a

site called UtahGayWeddings. com and is now about to put on its second Gay and Lesbian Wedding Expo at the Eventos Reception Center at 3485 S Main Street in Salt Lake City.

“We are firm believers in avoiding boycotts, in favor of the buycott — supporting those who support us,” says QSaltLake and QPages publisher Michael Aaron. “I would rather spend my hard-earned money on those who support me and my relationship.”

The expo will take place Sunday, March 6 from noon to 4pm.

Tickets are available through UtahGayWeddingExpo.com for $5, or $7 at the door. Exhibitors and sponsors are being sought now. Those interested can call 801-649-6663.

FIRST COMES LOVE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 23

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24 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FIRST COMES LOVE

gaysaltlake.com | issue 252 | february 2016

Special Delivery 5 thoughtful DIY sweetheart gifts to give to your Valentine

BY MIKEY ROX

Valentine’s

Day can mean a pretty penny out of pocket for many couples. Jewelry, flowers and a fancy dinner at the hottest resto in town add up quickly, but in a lot of ways these gifts and traditions have lost their meaning and significance. Sure, they’re the pricey options — which, for some, is the only way they know how to show their “affection” — but let’s get real here, this route isn’t very creative… or thoughtful, for that matter.

In lieu of the same ol’, same ol’ this year, consider a thoughtful handmade gift. Yeah, yeah, I know — effort and all. But your S.O. deserves it, if only for putting up with you all year round. Plus, I’m here to help.

If you aren’t the creative type, or if you’re just stumped for ideas, here are a few craft projects to spark your inspiration.

1. The Decorated Candy Jar Start with a Mason jar with a lid; local thrift stores or even major retailers have these available in the kitchenware section.

While you’re out, pick up a bag of your boo’s favorite candy — sweets that comes in small pieces, like Kisses, or the new limited-edition Strawberry Shortcake White Chocolate M&Ms from Target. Also grab a red or pink bow and ribbon or garland to go on your jar. To assemble, wash the jar and place the candy inside. Decorate the jar with the bow and the ribbons (or however you see fit; free printables are available at the blog The36thAvenue.com) and then add a little card with a handwritten message of fondness and maybe a sweet memory or two.

2. ’52 Reasons I Love You’ Cards This one requires only a deck of cards (minus the jokers), glue, and artistic paper. On separate sheets of the latter, you’ll write one thing you love about your significant other and then glue it to the back of each card. It takes some patience, but once you get through the entire deck of cards you’ve got an incredibly thoughtful Valentine’s Day gift. You can add a small ring binder to keep all the cards together and make for an easier time wrapping or handing the gift to your loved one. If needed, refer to this example of how to decorate and assemble the cards.

3. Chocolate Strawberry Bouquet For this DIY gift you’ll need small wooden sticks, strawberries, melted chocolate and wrapping paper with twine. Simply dip the strawberries in the chocolate, then skewer them on the wooden sticks and let them dry. Once dry, wrap them in the paper and tie the paper loosely with the twine for a classy bouquet look and feel.

4. Cupcake in a Jar The concept is similar to the jar of candy, but in this instance you get to bake! In simple terms, you’ll bake the cupcake, break it up into chunks and put it in the

jar. Once that’s done, tint your frosting pink or red with food coloring and add that on top, then tie a pink spoon to the jar with a festive red-and-white V-Day-inspired ribbon. You can peep more detailed instructions at the Mighty Delighty blog — and share the cupcake, of course.

5. Simple ‘You and Me’ Photo Album Print out a few great photos of you and your main squeeze that they haven’t seen or aren’t familiar with. Personally, I recommend pulling pics from your phone or Instagram account using the new Fuji Instax Smartphone Printer; I got one for Christmas, and it’s perfect for a project like this. When you’ve chosen the perfect images, buy a small simple photo album — one that you can spruce up and to which you can add your own touches. Write captions for the photos too — a reminder of where you both were when the picture was taken and what the occasion was.

Going the Extra Mile While there’s nothing wrong with the traditional Valentine’s Day approach, going the extra mile with a handmade gift can add a lot of thoughtfulness and personality to the celebration. If you’re looking for a way to step up your game and really impress your loved one this year, let your artistic side take over and make something that they’ll know you put more thought into than money.

Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He splits his time between homes in New York City and the Jersey Shore with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox.

FIRST COMES LOVE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 25

february 2016 | issue 252 | gaysaltlake.com

Valenti nes ❤

NACHO – As our 20th Valentine’s Day together approaches, I am reminded of how grateful and fortunate I am that, for 7,300 days, you have chosen to be my best friend, my confidant, my protector and most recently, my husband.

ILUVU - STEPHEN ❤ I love the LGBTQA COMMUNITY of Utah!! ❤

SADIE I have a feeling you may hate this due to all my disastrous attempts at making this day special but here I am doing it again but only in public! I love you Sarah Marie Montgomery.

I am very thankful that you are in my life. But I am most thankful for the kind generous intelligent person you are. Thank you for being true and loyal. Thank you for loving me for the weirdo I am. Thank you. BEN ❤ Two years ago today I noticed you were fidgety and distracted. You nervously had me follow you to the front hall closet and pulled out a velvet box, and then hesitate and tried to hide it. You then got down on one knee and opened your heart and your life.

I’m so glad you did that. I am glad you fought for me when I was lost and did not know who I was, or what I wanted. I am glad you knew what you wanted, and you went for it. I love life with you. You will always be my Valentines. Happy Valentines JAY! Love CLINTON ❤ DR SHIRT. You are the man of my dreams! Always yours!

DR. DESIGN

John Krasinski, Theo James, Ben Stiller, Paul Rudd, Matthew Broderick, John Legend, Gordon Hayward, Tim Robbins, Michael Fox, Michael J. Fox, Allen Leech, That server at The Pub, That server at Cafe Trio, Diego Luna, That Jeopardy champ.

I Love You. Be My Valentine.

—SCOTT

DANIEL GAFFIN.

DOUGLAS

To my boy, justin.

I hold the key to your collar and you’d hold the key to my heart if I had one.

Happy Valentines Day, Love DADDY.

❤

❤

LPK. Thank you for 19 great years! Here’s to the rest of our life.

❤

❤ ERIC — I love my life because four years ago it gave me you. You are now my life and I love you. You make every day special.

When we’re apart I feel empty. You have the most beautiful heart and you have melted mine. Thank you for being in my life and I look forward to all our future memories to add to our Adventure Book. Love you forever — JARED

CRAFTING PICTURE-PERFECT WEDDINGS & AWARD-WINNING BEERS SINCE 1986

❤ Romeo, Romeo, Where the hell art thou Romeo? — DAVID ❤ To LINDI I: 14 years ago, you stole my heart, 13 years ago, we vowed to have and to hold, 2 years ago, I stole your last name. You are my heart. Thank you for being my biggest fan. I love you is too small. I really, really like you. Yours Forever, CONNIE

PRIVATE EVENT SPACE FOR WEDDING RECEPTIONS, REHEARSAL DINNERS AND PARTIES OF ALL SIZES.

❤ MIKE — I am so glad you’re back in my life. I’m amazed at the progression of our relationship. I can’t imagine my life without you, and I can’t wait to truly start our lives together. All my love, my heart, and my soul — JEANNIE ❤

Big chocolate kisses to the SALT LAKE MEN’S CHOIR

KELLY, 28 Valentines Days and 2 kids later, you still make my heart go pitter pat!

CHRISTOPHER

❤

❤

❤

I know you’re out there, love of mine. But I can’t figure out which star you are. Please twinkle a bit so I know it’s you and I will wave back all night through. — KATHY

FOR ADDITIONAL INFORMATION, CONTACT PARTY@SQUATTERS.COM

26 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FIRST COMES LOVE

gaysaltlake.com | issue 252 | february 2016

Q health

Self-Love With

BY PETER STOKER

February being the month of love and romance we will all be inundated with propaganda, ideas and things to do for our significant other. However, I should like to discuss a different type of love; one that doesn’t require many sacrifices or results in someone being upset. I’m speaking about self-love. And not the type of self-love you discovered when you were a pre-teen.

I’m talking about a deeper self-love that makes you unique.

Self-love is a noun that means to regard one’s own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic).Self-love is important to living well. It influences who you pick for a mate, the image you project at work, and how you cope with the problems in your life. It is so important to your welfare that I want you to know how to bring more of it into your life.

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows by actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we begin to accept much better our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less need to explain away our short-comings, have compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning, are more centered in our life purpose and values, and expect life fulfillment through our own efforts.

You may be asking yourself a question of how to grow or practice your selflove. There are many different opinions concerning this so please take into account these are just a few of my ideas. Take them with a grain of salt rather than doctrine and you’ll be better off.

First of all you need to become mindful.

Mindfulness is another substantial topic in and of itself that we won’t delve into today. Being mindful is roughly self-explanatory; it isn’t much harder than mindlessness. Mindfulness means maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations and surrounding environment. It also involves acceptance, meaning that we pay atten-

tion to our thoughts and feelings without judging them — without believing, for instance, that there’s a “right” or “wrong” way to think or feel in a given moment.

When we practice mindfulness, our thoughts tune into what we’re sensing in the present moment rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future.

Along with being mindful one needs to act on what you need rather than what you want. You love yourself when you can turn away from something that feels good and exciting to what you need to stay strong, centered and moving forward in your life. Set boundaries. You’ll love yourself more when you set limits or say no to work, love, or activities that deplete or harm you physically, emotionally and spiritually, or express poorly who you are.

PRACTICE GOOD SELF-CARE. You will love yourself more when you take better care of your basic needs. People high in self-love nourish themselves daily through healthy activities like nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy and healthy social interactions. Part of self-care may be to forgive yourself.

We humans can be so hard on ourselves. The downside of taking responsibility for our actions is punishing ourselves too much for mistakes in learning and growing. You have to accept your humanness (the fact that you are not perfect) before you can truly love yourself. Try to practice being less hard on yourself when you make a mistake.

LIVE INTENTIONALLY. Whatever is happening in your life, when you live with purpose and design, you will love yourself more. If your intention is to live a meaningful and healthy life, you will make decisions that support this intention and feel good about yourself when you succeed in this purpose. You will love yourself more if you see yourself accomplishing what you set out to do.

Some may think that self-love will lead to narcissism or some debilitating characteristic. Like stated earlier, self-love is positive

and beneficial, as opposed to the negativity associated with narcissism. Self-love can help battle many of our imperfections and help us to accept who we are as human beings. It can lead to improved relationships.

People who have self-compassion and practice self-love generally report feeling happier and more authentic in their relationships and thus, they may be better able to assert their needs and opinions.

Further, those who first practice kindness and compassion on a personal level may be better able to show kindness and compassion to others and are generally more likely to do so, as the ability to care for and love one’s self generally indicates that one will experience a greater capacity to love and care for others.

The practice of self-love is associated with a multitude of benefits, such as greater life satisfaction, increased happiness and greater resilience. People with high levels of self-love have often been shown to overcome difficult life events, such as divorce, with more ease than those who are harder on themselves. The ability to affirm oneself has also been associated with improved problem-solving abilities and decreased procrastination because it can help individuals recognize the effects of negative habits and behaviors (such as procrastination) without leading to a thought pattern that is excessively negative.

As we all know, mental illness is rampant within our society and the risk of developing mental health issues such as depression, anxiety and perfectionism can also be decreased through the practice of self-love. This practice can also increase one’s optimism and may be helpful for stress reduction, especially in the face of various life challenges.

So please, this month try to be a little more self-loving. It’s good for you.

Information from this article was adapted from a talk given

by Dr. Deborah Khoshaba Psy.D.

february 2016 | issue 252 | gaysaltlake.com

FIRST COMES LOVE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 27

mr. manners

Valentine’s etiquette

BY ROCK MAGEN

With

Valentine’s Day just around the corner, you may be wondering what you are going to be doing with your significant other to celebrate the holiday. Getting Valentine ’s Day right isn’t hard, it just takes a little bit of forethought and planning to ensure that the 14th of February is a properly romantic affair rather than a tacky experiment.

Good old-fashioned chivalry may be seen as a thing of the past, and some would argue it’s long dead and buried, but its survival depends on how we decide to utilize it. The key to being successful is having a plan, so to help you this valentine’s season I suggest a few etiquette tips on Valentine’s Day. Assuming that you had the forethought to make a dinner reservation you should: GIVE YOUR DATE YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION. Put your cell phone on silent, or even better turn it off. I would hope that the person you are with is more important than any message you have waiting on Scruff or Grindr. (And on that note, you are on a date, you have found someone, delete those apps) The only acceptable cell phone usage would be an extreme emergency, or to show the hostess that you have an email confirmation for your reservation.

THANK THE OTHER PERSON FOR WHATEVER GIFT HE OR SHE OFFERS. If you are disappointed, try not to let it show. Don’t give someone anything that could possibly be insulting. This is not the time for a gag gift. It doesn’t have to be expensive or fattening.

Gifts that are too extreme could translate as “desperate” or an attempt to “cover” something up. A small piece of premium chocolate and a single rose presented in a lovingly creative way can make the person you love smile.

PRACTICE GOOD TABLE MANNERS. You want the other person to have romantic thoughts, not be repulsed. In addition to this, keep in mind any “dessert” activities for later in the evening and chose your food wisely. No one wants to have a messy ending to the perfect evening.

Something that I feel is necessary to mention is a piece of advice that was given to me in high school: “Never break up on Valentine’s Day or any other important day in the person’s life.”

Even if you never want to see the other person again, there’s no point in ruining his or her future romantic adventures.

Pretending to love someone is a disservice to both parties; if you need to end your relationship please have the charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent to do it before the holiday. Keep it classy.

My parting thought is that most of us think about being a good Valentine on February 14, but WHY NOT DO IT EVERY DAY? Regardless of how long you have been in a relationship, a few extra genuine gestures can bring smiles and happiness. Remember that “coming together is a beginning, keeping together is progress, and working together is success.” And who doesn’t like being successful? Q Email Ask Mr. Manners at askmrmanners@qsaltlake.com

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28 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

The Gay Agenda

BY TONY HOBDAY

gaysaltlake.com | issue 252 | february 2016

ANNUAL EVENTS AN AMERICAN IN PARIS is the theme of this year’s Red Carpet Gala, hosted by the Utah AIDS Foundation.

So get out your rainbowstudded beret and support a great cause while rubbing elbows with the Salt Lake City elite and … well probably some of the those bawdy Mattresses of Mayhem like Pansy Pap Smear.

Ooolala! I hope to see Lady Gaga on Leonardo DiCaprio’s arm at the show.

— UAF 28SUNDAY RED CARPET GALA Rail Event Center, 235 N. 500 West, 6pm. Tickets $120-150o, utahaids.org

CONCERTS Like Pansy’s real age, the Utah Symphony celebrates 75 year of Broadway. Hit musicals honored include Chicago, My Fair Lady, One Touch of Venus, Mama Mia! and Cabaret.

The extremely talented and handsome Jerry Steichen conducts. Special guests include Melissa Errico, Hugh Panaro, Morgan James and Stephen Buntrock.

12

FRIDAY — 75 YEARS OF BRAVO BROADWAY

Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, 7:30pm, through Saturday.

Tickets $18-69, artsaltlake.org

DANCE The Shakespearean timehonored love story is adapted by the likewise time-honored Ballet West.

Strangely a tragedy, it is one of the most romantic stories ever conceived and has been time and time again tweaked, modernized

and newly platformed. I’m just waiting for someone to adapt it as Romeo & Julio.

Ballet West will surely tantalize and remind us all why we relish such a love story.

12

FRIDAY — ROMEO & JULIET

Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South, times vary, through Feb. 20. Tickets $19-87, artsaltlake.org

FUNDRAISERS Repertory Dance Theatre celebrates its milestone 50th anniversary fundraiser with food, an auction, a new choreographer commission and of course dance … but not only those choreographed by RDT alumni — audience members are welcomed to the stage to show off their moves to the music of the Joe Muscolino Band. Revel in the regalia!

20

SATURDAY — REGALIA

Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 7:30pm. Tickets $50-15o, artsaltlake.org

SPECIAL ENGAGEMENTS Love is in the air with a number of exciting, romantic and enticing special engagements. From bushy bearded — and hopefully nether regioned — performers axe juggling (Awww, so romantic!), to a corral of gay dudes singing some mushy love songs (but they don’t hold a floralscented candle to the Salt Lake Men’s Choir … unless of course, Michael isn’t out sick), to a very handsome trio of hetero tenors sure to get every hetero dude in the audience lucky, to fantabulous performances from two powerhouse Utah-based artistic companies, hearts will be raising and brows will be sweating.

Kisses!

4

THURSDAY — TIMBER! CIRQUE ALFONSE

Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Cir., UofU, 7:30pm. Tickets $19-39, kingtix.com

13

SAT — SAN FRANCISCO GAY MEN’S CHORUS

Eccles Center, 1750 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 7:30pm. Tickets $25-75, ecclescenter.org

— A GENTRI VALENTINE

Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Cir., UofU, 8pm. Tickets $27-35 or $99 VIP, kingtix.com

26

FRIDAY — BALLET WEST WITH THE UTAH SYMPHONY

Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, 7:30pm, through Saturday.

Tickets $18-64, artsaltlake.org

THEATRE Homoeroticism is emanated on Utah stages this Valentine month. First and foremost, Jason Bowcutt stars is Based on a True Story. His brilliance and his soul are very homoerotic. Love you Jason.

Questions of love and the unique depths therein are considered in Two Henrys and Streetlight Woodpecker. I don’t know why exactly The Producers is homoerotic, but I am a homo who loves theatre and some people find me erotic (namely Madonna).

2

TUESDAY — THE PRODUCERS

5

FRIDAY — TWO HENRYS: A READING

Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South, times vary, through Feb. 7. Tickets $32.50-65, artsaltlake.org

Babcock Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, UofU, times vary, through Saturday.

Tickets $10, pioneertheatre.org

25

THURSDAY — STREETLIGHT WOODPECKER

Salt Lake Acting Company, 168 W. 500 North, times vary, through Mar. 6. Tickets $24-43, ­saltlakeactingcompany.org

— Based on a True Story

Studio Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, times vary, through Mar. 6. Tickets $15, artsaltlake.org

UPCOMING EVENTS MARCH 4, Katya (RuPaul’s Drag Race), Metro Bar, smithstix. com APRIL 16, Ellie Goulding, Maverik Center, maverikcenter.com

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 29

february 2016 | issue 252 | gaysaltlake.com

Raymond Tymas-Jones

If you missed Raymond TymasJones’ 2015 performance of “Songs My Mother Taught Me: A Concert of Negro Spirituals” at Libby Gardiner Hall, you have a chance to enjoy him Feb. 11 at Utah State University’s Caine Performance Hall on the USU Campus in Logan, Utah.

His performance is sponsored

by USU’s Visiting Artists and Scholars Series and is part of the Black History Month observance at the university.

He’ll be singing a collection of songs from composers arranged by Harry T. Burleigh, Hall Johnson, and Roland Hayes that

both highlight both Tymas-Jones’ youth and celebrate the legacy and contributions each composer had on the Negro spiritual genre.

Dr Tymas-Jones, with a beautiful tenor voice has sung with Connecticut Opera, Syracuse Opera, Erie Opera Theatre and the Greater Buffalo Opera. He has performed in professional and academic settings in the USA and in Russia, Belgium and France.

He was named the Associate Vice President for the Arts and Dean of the College of Fine Arts at the University of Utah in September 2005. In 2014 he received the Utah Cultural Alliance’s 2014 Achievement Award. He serves on the University of Utah President’s Academic Leadership Team, and is involved in involved in many national and community organizations, and is a member of the Board of Directors of Equality Utah.

The Concert begins at 7:30 PM in on the Logan campus. Tickets available at ccs.usu.edu.

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salt lake’s three-part series on love, relationships and parenting

First comes love FEBRUARY ISSUE

Then comes marriage MARCH ISSUE

the baby Then comes the baby incarriage APRIL ISSUE

30 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | Q&A

gaysaltlake.com | issue 252 | february 2016

‘Orange’ Star Dascha Polanco ACTRESS ON BEING A HOLLYWOOD MINORITY, BREAKING THE ‘STIGMA’ AND WHY ‘JOY’WILL RESONATE WITH THE LGBT COMMUNITY

BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI

“I want you to smell me.”

It’s not your typical conversation starter, sure, ‘but Orange Is the New Black star Dascha Polanco does smell nice, like fresh flowers. Seated in a New York City hotel suite to talk about her new film, Joy, the 32-year-old actress invites me to cozy up next to her, because then, she jokes, I can experience the fact that “not only is she beautiful but she also smells delicious.”

your family. It shows how much women throughout the years have been the backbone and have, at times, struggled to even take a risk or try to live their dream or move forward because of other commitments or because of the stigma that we are supposed to be at home.

It’s weird seeing you out of an orange jumpsuit. Is it?! I love the fact that I got to play with decades: the ’70s, ’80s, ’90s. But it’s two totally different worlds, TV and film.

From the perspective of someone who is Latina in Hollywood: What is the current state of finding roles in Hollywood for a minority? I thought to myself for the last two years: I’ve gone on auditions — so many auditions — in

What’s that transition been like for you? Professionally, it’s always welcome [laughs]. It’s a new challenge. It’s a new area of acting and being able to be play with characters and stories more creatively.

I think with [director] David O. Russell and this project, it was intimidating.

Because it’s David O. Russell? David O. Russell. Jennifer Lawrence. Bradley Cooper.

Robert De Niro. Diane Ladd. Virginia Madsen. Isabella Rossellini. You just want to make sure you have your A-game on, and for a Latina being in this industry for the last three years, it takes you by surprise.

How does being Latina change things? Well, there are not many Latin actors in Hollywood. There’s still a lower percentage of them breaking into Hollywood, but we’re seeing more diversity, especially with David O. Russell’s film.

You’re seeing diversity there, to that caliber, and for me, that’s a big responsibility.

There’s been a lot of talk about diversity in Hollywood lately, and not just when it comes to race, but when it comes to women. And this movie is very — Female driven. It is.

It’s all about female empowerment. It has a feminist message. How does that personally strike a chord with you? I can relate so much to the story and to the elements of the movie: having obstacles in your life, being a woman and having to be a parent, having to be a daughter, taking care of not only your personal self but also

Q&A | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 31

february 2016 | issue 252 | gaysaltlake.com

You credit Orange Is the New Black for diversifying TV. What does it mean to you to be a part of that movement? We have to look at a movie like Joy for a minute, and I’m going to talk about how it includes LGBT. It’s funny: I’m very supportive of the LGBT because I have family, I have friends, and they’re a big part of my life — and even so, I respect a human regardless of what their sexual orientation is, or who they feel they

are. It has nothing to do with LGBT, or that I have a friend who is. It’s human to accept another human. Not everybody thinks that way. But you see a character like Joy who’s trying to just be… . She’s trying to belong, she’s trying to accomplish her dreams; she can be a mother, she can be a wife or a divorcee and not have the backlash, because there’s so much backlash in the movie. There are so many obstacles. “You’re a woman and you can’t do that.”

And I’m pretty sure the LGBT community can relate to that.

So whether she was a lesbian or not, it has nothing to do with that — it’s about her feeling like she’s part of something and building her empire.

Because anybody can see themselves in Joy. Exactly.

When it comes to Orange Is the New Black, how do you feel about being a part of a show that embraces inclusivity? I’m proud! So proud. It’s done a lot for the gay community around the world. It shows how much the industry might be oblivious to what’s needed, but the fans and the viewership have just been so boisterous and open to all these different sexual orientations — to transgender.

There’s so much more acceptance, and that’s the beauty of it. We, [show creator] Jenji (Kohan), the actors, the story — we took all we had and the essence and being underdogs and being self-made and coming from nowhere and that passion and brought a project that everyone can relate to. That’s what’s succeeding now — when you have a project that everybody can relate to. We have Joy now.

Anybody can watch the movie and I guarantee they’ll walk out of the theater and want to take over the world. Q Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBT wire service. Reach him via his website at www. chris-azzopardi.com and on Twitter (@ chrisazzopardi).

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comparison to when I first started. Maybe it’s because of Orange, maybe it’s because of my representation, but there’s a need, a desire now. You see more offers, you see more shows that want to include diversity because of the success of shows like Orange Is the New Black. Anybody could’ve been cast as Jackie in Joy, and that’s the beauty of it. The role that I play, anyone could have, but he didn’t make it exclusive (and say), “I’m gonna make Jackie a white actress.” No. She’s ambiguous. She can be black. She can be Spanish. The fact that this is a Golden Globe-nominated movie — ah, it takes me by surprise that I’m part of this project, not because I don’t have the potential, not because I don’t believe in myself — but because of what, historically, I’ve seen growing up. And now that I’m part of it, there’s hope and there’s an opportunity that was rendered that I’m not taking for granted.

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32 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | MUSIC

Best of 2015

BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI

10. MADONNA, REBEL HEART In 2015, it was strange hearing Madonna sound so… human. A cluster of cuts from the queen’s 13th studio album imparted a rare authenticity and striking vulnerability typically not ascribed to music’s self-proclaimed Unapologetic Bitch. Madonna caring about people’s opinions of Madonna — and confessing those feelings? Yup. At least on “Joan of Arc.” Madonna lifting you up, hugging your heart and making this “mad, mad world” just a little easier to cope with? Yes, that too: “Ghosttown” — also the heyday throwback “Living for Love” — reveals, for the first time in years, a deeper, more poignant pop queen.

9. MIGUEL, WILD HEART Look beyond Miguel’s piercing peepers, winning smirk and that perfectly coiffed just-after-5 o’clock shadow — just try real hard, you can do it — and what you’ll find is a real music man. That’s right: His underheard Wild Heart is as dreamy as he is, all SoCal Prince vibes and hypersexual playfulness (put a condom on when you listen to “the valley”), but also genuinely affecting. Highlights are the introspective, identity-questioning “what’s normal anyway” and “leaves,” an amping guitar-riffed wonder that hurts as much as it heals.

8. BRANDI CARLILE, THE FIREWATCHER’S DAUGHTER “I miss the days when I was just a kid,” Brandi Carlile sings, sweetly, longingly. Now 34, and out and married and mothering, Carlile was self-reflective on her rustic release Firewatcher’s Daughter, living for tomorrow but remembering today and yesterday. On arguably the album’s most impassioned ditty, “Wherever Is Your Heart,” the Seattle-born singer-songwriter relishes being “born to roam,” which is precisely what this, her first major-label-less release, does. The journey pauses in the past but lives, powerfully, in the present.

7. ADELE, 25 “Hello.” One short, simple word, but it was enough. A gift. A gif. That brief salutation brought Adele back into our lives as if she’d been gone for a lifetime. In pop years, it sure seemed that way, and the meme-worthy

gaysaltlake.com | issue 252 | february 2016

hear me out lyrics of her first single served as a “Hi, I’m back, bitches” moment and also a searing reminder of the heartbreak the record-breaking belter can inflict when she powers through a sad song.

Like “All I Ask,” a gutting assertion to an imminent ex. Like “When We Were Young,” a reminder that your youth is dead, gone, bye forever. So good, though. Yes: Hello from the other side of not-great album sales, Auto Tune and general imperfection.

6. KENDRICK LAMAR, TO PIMP A BUTTERFLY Kendrick Lamar changed hip-hop last year.

Turned it up, down, sideways. And he even had time to team with Taylor Swift for “Bad Blood,” scoring him his first No. 1 on Billboard’s Hot 100. Not that he needed Swift — Lamar’s second major-label album, To Pimp a Butterfly, speaks for itself. And it speaks boldly, declaring painful truths about race and his own personal demons with rage-filled cinematic flair and simmering jazz flavor.

5. SUSANNE SUNDFØR, TEN LOVE SONGS It isn’t just the ominous lure of mad love on the deliciously fuming “Delirious” — “I hope you have a safety net, because I’m going to push you over the edge” — that lands Susanne Sundfør a spot on the list.

It’s certainly enough, though. She ravages every word of that song with a shark’s bite, and it’s a magical moment among many (give “Darlings” all the vocal awards) nestled within the front-to-back brilliance of 10 love songs that are equal parts euphoric, enchanting and enraged.

4. CHVRCHES, EVERY OPEN EYE I remember hearing CHVRCHES for the first time at a festival even before obsessing over their then-unreleased debut, The Bones of What You Believe. The music was alive, bursting with retro shimmer and sowing the same kind of emotional catharsis of, say, Robyn.

I was hooked. The disc did not disappoint, nor did its follow-up, the also-marvelous Every Open Eye. CHVRCHES’ sound is still deeply rooted in the wondrous midnighthour wheelhouse they shaped on Bones, and, once again, to staggering effect. A slump-less sophomore album as divine as their name.

3. PATTY GRIFFIN, SERVANT OF LOVE What does the world need? Peace... and Patty Griffin’s voice. The former is especially apparent to anyone who, you know, is living right now, but: Have you heard Griffin’s most recent Grammy-nominated release? The alt-folk phenom sings like angels must; “Rider of Days” sounds like thousands of winged beauties, soaring to the afterlife, dancing through the clouds. It’s a sweet reverie, and one of the most gorgeous pieces of music this universe has ever heard. But also, it’s a rare sliver of light on yet another one of Griffin’s masterworks, a brooding, beautiful catharsis of a world on fire.

2. CARLY RAE JEPSEN, E•MO•TION People, what gives? One of 2015’s greatest unsolved mysteries, Carly Rae Jepsen’s absurdly lookedover E•MO•TION didn’t find its commercial sweet spot. And fine. Their loss. Our gain: the charming Sia-written jam “Making the Most of the Night,” a punchy piece of pick-me-up pop; “Warm Blood,” a cuddly come-down; and “When I Needed You,” which sounds like her winning audition to be the fifth member of The Go-Go’s. And on and on and on. Yes, Carly: I really really really like this.

1. SUFJAN STEVENS, CARRIE & LOWELL On Carrie & Lowell, Sufjan Stevens’ quiet descent into the dark corners of grief and despair after the loss of his mother, the sexually ambiguous singer-songwriter says so much with so little. Leaning on minimalist atmospherics, his open-book outing sounds as if it were recorded in the late hours of the night in the quiet of his bedroom, just Sufjan’s guitar and his lonely stream-of-conscious. It’s powerful and potent. And it’s death, and it’s life. The weirdly comforting truth that “we’re all gonna die” on the lullaby-like “Fourth of July” — a final exchange with his passing mother — is a stinging reality, and “Blue Bucket of Gold” feels like a dream. Q

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34 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | GAY WRITES

Living for Someone Else

BY DOUG WOODALL

From the

time I started school until I was in my late 20s, my mom pushed me to live for someone else. Everything about that experience felt wrong. Many years later, when my parents were old and feeble, I started helping them.

That experience felt right.

Although my story starts when I was a child, for you I’m going to skip forward to April 2014 or the last time I had to renew my driver’s license. At the end of my appointment at the DMV, the clerk handed me the temporary copy of my new license. I looked at my name and said agitatedly, “You put my full name on it! Why would you do that?”

“That’s what your documents show,” the clerk answered. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“I hate my middle name!” I said.

With those words, a dam broke inside of me and a story poured out of me like floodwaters. When I finished telling the story, I said to the clerk, “I’m going to say a swear word, but I’m going to direct it at my mom.

Just know, I’d never swear at my mom.” I raised my middle finger, pointed it to one side of the clerk, as if my mom stood there, and

gaysaltlake.com | issue 252 | february 2016

said, “Fuck you mom! Grandpa got to live his life. I get to live my life.”

The clerk got on her computer, x-ed out my middle name, and put in the initial “A.” My parents gave me my mom’s father’s name for my middle name. From day one, they called me by my middle name. My grandfather’s name was Alonzo, but he went by the short version of the name, and so did I. The short version of Alonzo is Lon. One reason I learned to hate the name is the jokes my siblings and cousins (that’s right, my family), neighbor kids and classmates told about the green stuff that grows in people’s yards and me. Another reason I learned to hate the name is because of George Albert Smith, the eighth president of the LDS church. The man was named after his paternal grandfather. One time when he was severely sick, he lost consciousness and had a vision where he “passed to the Other side.”

There he met his namesake. The older George said to the younger George, “I would like to know what you have done with my name.”

The younger George said, “I have never done anything with your name of which you need be ashamed.”

This is the story that poured out of me at the DMV. Then I said to the clerk, “My mom told me the George Albert Smith story

at least two hundred times.” That’s when I raised my middle finger, pointed it toward the vision of my mom, and said the F-word.

My mom told me the George Albert Smith story to control me. One of the things she conveniently forgot is I didn’t know her dad.

He died when I was two. The only way I got to know my grandfather was through my mom’s idealistic view of him. To try to get me to live for my dead grandfather was wrong. Yet, through another experience I learned it’s not always wrong to live for someone else. When my parents were old and feeble, helping them, which became living for them, felt right.

The last time my mom knew me was December, 2006. That summer I started getting sick, and in October I had to have surgery.

At Christmas, my mom said, “You’re so thin, especially in your face.” Within a few months, her mind was gone. Besides her impaired mind, my mom had diabetes, arthritis, and macular degeneration. My mom passed away in 2010.

My dad was right in his mind, but feeble in his body. He had a very bad back, which caused him unrelenting pain. His left hand, which was his dominant hand, shook nonstop and his teeth were bad. He had difficulty putting food in his mouth, and when he did, he could hardly chew it. He had a mechanical heart valve and a pacemaker, and he was un-

DINING GUIDE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 35

february 2016 | issue 252 | gaysaltlake.com

DINING GUIDE

LesMadeleines_svcgd.pdf 1 11/15/2015

stable on his feet. My dad passed away in 2014.

About five years before my dad died, I took the job of taking my parents to all their doctor appointments. On the way back to their house, we always stopped to have lunch. I helped my lost mom find her way around the restaurant and settle into a place that became familiar and strange every five minutes. I cut up my dad’s food and fed him, very slowly.

August 2010, my dad came to the realization he couldn’t take care of my mom on his own anymore. As a family, we decided we had to put mom in a long-term care facility. Within six weeks, she was dead. The following year, my dad became seriously ill and had to be put in a long-term care facility. He popped back, but he couldn’t go home again. He lingered for three more years.

During those years, I was the child who had the most opportunities to visit him. Several times a week, I stopped by to feed him lunch or dinner and to take him outside. Tuesday nights I played bingo with him. Sunday mornings I went to the care center to take off his Sunday clothes (he ninth & ninth 254 s main

coffee garden

always went to church services), put on his casual clothes, and get him into my older sister’s car so he could spend the day at his house. The week before he passed away, I’m the one who’d realized his mental and physical health had changed and told my brothers and sisters, “If you want to see dad before he dies, you need to come now.”

The idea I should live for my grandfather was completely and entirely wrong. My mom had no right to give me that burden.

Instead she should have told me living for someone else is helping the people you love when they’re too weak to help themselves.

While you do it, you can still live authentically. As for the younger George Albert Smith, he gave his grandfather the wrong answer.

He should have said, “I understand the concern you have for your name and reputation, but I’m going to be stern with you.

You got to live your life. I get to live my life.” Q Gay Writes is a DiverseCity Series writing group, a program of SLCC’s Community Writing Center. The group meets the 2nd and 4th Mondays of every month, 6:30 p.m. to 8 p.m., 210 E. 400 S., Ste. 8, Salt Lake.

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36 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS

BRONICORNS! — The adventures of two brothers going to BYU

gaysaltlake.com | issue 252 | february 2016

Brought to you by UGSA BYU, by Aaron Austin and Nathan Cunliffe

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cryptogram A CRYPTOGRAM IS A PUZZLE WHERE ONE LETTER IN THE PUZZLE IS SUBSTITUTED WITH ANOTHER. FOR EXAMPLE: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! HAS THE SOLUTION: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! IN THE ABOVE EXAMPLE ES ARE ALL REPLACED

BY CS. THE PUZZLE IS SOLVED BY RECOGNIZING LETTER PATTERNS IN WORDS AND SUCCESSIVELY SUBSTITUTING LETTERS UNTIL THE SOLUTION IS REACHED. THIS WEEK’S HINT: S=V

YHHR CK KTCK NCEI! XHGYW COFHOI SHKI NHQ KTCK? ECO FHG DBCUDOI KTCK, KTI NCEI HN HGQ OIJK MQIVDWIOK? ___ __ ____ ____ ! ______ ____ ___ ____ ? ___ ___ _______ ____ , ___ ___ __ ___ ____ _________ ?

PUZZLE ANSWERS ON PAGE 54

february 2016 | issue 252 | gaysaltlake.com

COMICS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 37

38 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | PETS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 252 | february 2016

This Valentine’s Day, find ‘The One’ $14 adoptions February 12-15 $25 adoptions throughout February* *Applies to animals age six months and older

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Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku is actually five separate, but connected, Sudoku puzzles.

Q doku Level: Easy

4

1

7

2

7

8

3 6 1 5 6 2 5 7 4 6 4 2 7 1 8 5 2 1 7 4 1 3 3 7 5 9 7 9 8 4 9 7 5 4 1 9 5 5 6 8 6 2 1 4 6 3 7 1 9 8 6 5 1 2 9 4 7 8 9 8 9 3 6 5 7 8 1 4 5 3 1 2 7 4 6 3 3 9 7 4 2 8 9 1 6 4 2 5 6 7 8 1 5 3 6 4 2 9 8 1 7 2 5 2 7 2 6 5 3 6 9 4 5 3 7 8 7 2 7 9 4 9 8 1 5 4 2 1

2

5

7 7 3

9

february 2016 | issue 252 | gaysaltlake.com

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40 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

gaysaltlake.com | issue 252 | february 2016

q scopes

FEBRUARY

BY SAM KELLEY-MILLS ARIES March 20–April 19 There is much confusion regarding matters of the heart. Sort them out and give someone close a lot of attention. Now is the time for new romantic encounters, or for revitalizing an old fling. Before getting involved with anyone, make sure they’re worth the effort. Nothing worthwhile is painful for long, including love.

Brides Made ACROSS 1 Piece of leg 5 They poke around in leather 9 Logical beginning 13 His brother laid him in his grave 14 Take back a blow job?

15 Tombstone lawman Wyatt 16 One of a Columbus threesome 17 Rainbow shape 18 Hit the ground 19 He played Jenny’s dad in Jenny’s Wedding 22 Take an active part in S and M 23 Doze off 24 Navratilova’s winter home 27 Queer as Folk writer Jason 31 Sea shell seller 32 Get the job done 35 Gay cable network 36 She played Jenny in Jenny’s Wedding 39 Buffalo’s lake 40 Make noise in bed 41 Mineo of movies 42 Brown on a book cover

44 Our, to Vivien 46 Cap for James M. Barrie 47 Word after fish?

49 She played Jenny’s partner in Jenny’s Wedding 54 Like fervant fans 55 Polished part for a fem 56 Hawaiian wedding party, perhaps 58 Hamburger Mary’s list 59 Lascivious look 60 The Phantom of the Opera’s name 61 Type of school 62 Trust, with “on” 63 In need of BenGay

DOWN 1 When repeated, a 1953 Cole Porter musical 2 Small amount in a stallion’s mouth?

3 “Jaywalking” comedian 4 Like a Traci Des Jardins dish on fire 5 Enthusiastic lover’s cry 6 Florida’s Disney ___ 7 Someone else’s skill, to a sore loser 8 Rectal Allen Ginsberg poem

9 Love Songs poet Sara 10 Mary topper 11 Sinead O’Connor’s country 12 Get off the fence 20 Recoil from pain 21 Type of drama in the land of Samurai 24 Curious one 25 She had her hand up Lamb Chop 26 Teensy, in Toulouse 27 Chinese prefix 28 Base in Brooklyn?

29 Samantha not of Bewitched 30 Bea Arthur’s TV maid Esther 33 Bear of the night 34 Fork feature 37 Became aroused 38 Word before coming to a conclusion 43 Nathan’s role in The Producers 45 Loads 47 Govt. promissory note 48 Where bowlers roll their balls 49 State emphatically 50 Dotterman’s Antonia’s ___ 51 Wise guy 52 Prefix with peein’?

53 Bear’s hangout 54 Blaster for Etheridge 57 Islands instrument ANSWERS ON PAGE 46

distractions. You may find there’s more advantage to intimacy than once realized.

Don’t hold back now.

SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21 A hopeless cause is simply a lesson in what not to do. Once learned, move on and try something else. Make a good memory to replace a recent bad one. Spend time doing an enjoyable hobby. While interests are varied, your attention should be aimed toward an immediate interest. Expect a surprise from a family member.

TAURUS Apr 20–May 20 Never fear things that can’t hurt you. A workplace conflict might weigh heavy on your spirits, so consider looking for a change of scenery.

A particular problem may emerge by trying to sweep a problem under the rug.

Don’t worry about hurting a work associate’s feelings, because they don’t have any to bruise.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22–December 20.

The best bet right now is to place no bets at all. A key development is so up in the air, predicting the outcome would be totally pointless. Focus on what is in front of you now, take care of family matters, and get finances in order. While the desire to be in control is admirable, it is limited. Take charge but know the limits.

GEMINI May 21–June 20 Don’t let a distraction prevent the accomplishment of a goal.

Duties are plentiful but payoffs are lacking. Examine the incentives of accomplishing individual tasks, especially with friendship matters. Most burdens are manufactured by other people. Put yourself first for a change and unload the pressures bothering you.

CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19 Ever feel that you only obtain what is desired after it is no longer wanted? This pattern in life will be very apparent, as a long sough after job or relationship will become available after moving on. Don’t fret, because what has been gained is truly better than what was missed. Remember, things are good now

CANCER June 21–July 22 The moment boredom sets in, take a time out and do adventurous things. It doesn’t have to be elaborate for the simple things in life matter most. With the ongoing drama regarding a family member or loved one, finding pleasure is often vital to avoid going insane. Put crazy on hold, hold on tight, then enjoy the ride.

LEO July 23–August 22 When things get tough, don’t fear taking a more aggressive approach. You’ve never been one to sugarcoat opinions. The current trend of close friends taking advantage requires a bitter dose of truth. The future looks bright regarding career, so don’t let anything prevent expanding opportunities from reaching max potential.

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22 Where things end up with a friend is in your court right now.

Use wisdom and try laying low when things get intense. Sometimes the simply methods are the most advantageous, especially when much is at stake. Financial matters are going better than expected, so celebrate the victories to brighten the mood. Smile Virgo.

LIBRA Sept 23–October 22 Reaching for something out of bounds may require the help of a partner. Every bit helps so don’t balk at small advantages. Romantic times are in store during this time! Enjoy time with a lover or partner, and forget about

AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18 In regards to money, a matter of coincidence will provide results seemingly too good to be true. Accept good fortune with caution but feel safe taking as much as you need. The path to happiness is paved with self-expression, so find a creative outlet during this time.

Invest in the future, not with money, but kindness.

PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19 A scandal involving someone else will somehow engulf you.

Though it wasn’t welcome, the resolution of this entanglement will end with favorable results. A workaholic associate could be annoying, but focus and everything will turn out great. Complications are created by simply minds with muddled ideas. Ease up. Q

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SERVICE GUIDE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 41

february 2016 | issue 252

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42 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | HEALTH

gaysaltlake.com | issue 252 | february 2016

the frivolist

Chug-A-Lug 2016: TV drinking games to keep you warm and toasty all winter long

BY MIKEY ROX

2. Younger (TV Land)

When

the post-holiday season throws us an arctic onetwo punch, give it a good what-for — with booze. Settle in for a DVR’s worth of critically acclaimed television and these seven new drinking games to help smooth that slow transition to spring:

1. The Golden Globes (NBC) TAKE A SIP OF BEER OR WINE WHEN: • A celebrity name-drops the designers they’re wearing on the red carpet. Fingers crossed for more Christian Siriano.

• Host Ricky Gervais makes the audience squirm with his too-close-for-comfort comedy. Shots will be fired in the first 60 seconds.

• The films Carol, Room, The Big Short or The Danish Girl win an award — for anything.

Excellent films all of them, and awesome LGBT representation in the mix.

TAKE A SHOT WHEN: • Anybody takes a shot at Donald Trump.

In which case, you may want to pick up a bottle of the good stuff.

• The “In Memoriam” segment inevitably forgets somebody. Twitter will let you know who it is, like, 30 seconds later.

• Amy Schumer and Jennifer Lawrence play up their cutest-new-besties-ever love affair for the cameras.

TAKE A SIP OF BEER OR WINE WHEN: • The numbers 26 and 40 are spoken. It happens A LOT. • The words “lesbian” and “vagina” are spoken — or getting it on.

• There’s any mention of social media platforms, like Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Tinder, Grindr, et al. Hey, it’s modern-day Brooklyn — what do you expect?

TAKE A SHOT WHEN: • Liza (Sutton Foster) and Josh’s (Nico Tortorella) relationship seems like it’s in peril.

• Liza’s tries to keep her real age — or her college-aged daughter — a secret.

• Liza’s boss Diana (Miriam Shor) gives the stink-eye — while wearing a chunky necklace.

3. Life in Pieces (CBS) TAKE A SIP OF BEER OR WINE WHEN: • Grandpa John (James Brolin) is a sexy beast.

Move over, Sean Connery!

• Grandma Joan (Dianne Wiest) psychoanalyzes her children and/or their spouses.

• Parenting skills come into question.

TAKE A SHOT WHEN: • Brothers Matt (Thomas Sadoski) and Greg (Colin Hanks) show signs of sibling rivalry.

• Tim (Dan Bakkedahl) embarrasses his family, especially son Tyler (Niall Cunningham).

• Sophia (Giselle Eisenberg) masters the art of sarcasm at the wise old age of six.

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TAKE A SIP OF BEER OR WINE WHEN: • An entrepreneur cries.

• An entrepreneur overvalues his or her business and gets taken to task for it by the Sharks.

• Mr. Wonderful (Kevin O’Leary) refers to an entrepreneur as an insect or animal, like a cockroach or rat, for instance.

TAKE A SHOT WHEN: • Barbara Corcoran wears any neon article of clothing. She’s pretty much the queen of dayglow yellow.

• Lori Greiner mentions QVC or one of her many patents.

• Mark Cuban refers to the Dallas Mavericks.

5. Black-ish (ABC) TAKE A SIP OF BEER OR WINE WHEN: • Dre (Anthony Anderson) seeks family advice from his mostly white co-workers.

• Dre’s mother Ruby praises the Lord, God or Black Jesus.

• Bow’s (Tracee Ellis Ross) light-skinned, hippie heritage is food for fodder — particularly her knack for more “natural” cooking.

TAKE A SHOT WHEN: • Diane (Marsai Martin) drops a zinger.

• Miles (Jack Johnson) plays up the adorablelittle-boy act to his advantage. Another one if he busts a move.

• Zoey (Yara Shahidi) and Andre Jr. (Marcus Scribner) make their father question their ‘black-ness.’

6. The Americans (FX) TAKE A SIP OF BEER OR WINE WHEN: • There’s a reference to 1980s politics. Two if there’s talk of Ronald Reagan or the Soviet Union.

• Someone is murdered.

• There’s mention of another country outside of the United States. Three if they’re part of the Eastern Bloc.

TAKE A SHOT WHEN: • A bomb detonates.

• A gun pops off.

• Someone is sleeping with the enemy.

7. Teachers (TV Land) TAKE A SIP OF BEER OR WINE WHEN: • The kids talk back.

• The teachers say something wildly inappropriate.

• The kids are at recess.

TAKE A SHOT WHEN: • The teachers make up a mean-spirited game, or a game to benefit their current condition, like being hungover.

• There’s a parent-teacher conference.

• The teachers play “Truth or Dare” in the faculty lounge. Q Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox.

february 2016 | issue 252 | gaysaltlake.com

MANNERS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 43

fitness

Consistency is key

801-308-2050

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BY TYSON DALEY

As a

health and fitness professional, my number one goal is to help my clients succeed. To do that, one of the most important things I do is promote consistency with healthy routines. These habits, no matter how big or small, add up over time if they’re done as regularly as they should be. I know it’s not new year’s resolution month at the gym anymore but the real changes in your life and health happen in the months after you stay consistent to the lifestyle changes you’ve made. I’d like to share some of the consistency rules that I make with clients in order to help them focus on what’s most important and not burn themselves out.

The first rule is to always exercise on Mondays. It’s not really that the day itself matters; it’s more that you start your week off in a way that’s congruent with your goals. This sets the tone for the rest of the week.

My second rule is to never take more than two days off in a row from exercising. This makes sure that your fitness goals are never too distant in your mind and schedule.

My third rule is that lapses in consistency aren’t the end of the world. If you miss a workout, or a meal, or eat something not on the meal plan, don’t throw in the towel. We’re all human and slip up, but it’s about minimizing those slip ups and maximizing the good things you’re doing for your health. It’s never too late to change habits and change your life.

Repeated action over time creates results, and fitness is no different. I hope these three basic rules can help newcomers and veterans alike in seeing more progress in your 2016. Q Tyson Dayley trains clients at the Sugar Houise 24 Hour Fitness by appointment. He is also available for private training in noncommercial settings. He can be reached at tyson@ qsaltlake.com

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44 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NIGHTLIFE

gaysaltlake.com | issue 252 | february 2016

princess kennedy

Fit and Phab

BY PRINCESS KENNEDY

One thing

you’ll notice from time to time is the Princess lives to reminisce about 80s Salt Lake City. It was this weirdly magical time for a gay teen. The stars and planets seemed to cosmically align and gifted us three different under aged, new wave dance clubs — Maxim, which took over Classic Skate in Murray on Friday nights; Impulse (later London Underground) was where Bodega is now; and Palladium which was housed in the Michael’s space in Sugar House by Nordstrom Rack. As gay teens in the back water, that was our city in the 80s. We’d come from Provo to Ogden to these new romantic danceatiriums.

We found comfort outside of our solitary confinement of hell that was called high school and I can guarantee it save many a life of my generation.

Recently I got to sit down with an old friend and reminisce about our crazy underage nightlife and shenanigans — Brandon Liberati, whom you might recognize from the new season of Bravo TVs hit series Newly Weds, The First Year, and his husband, the well-known Hollywood fitness guru Craig Ramsey, (you’d be hard-pressed not to recognize the blonde Adonis if you saw him).

Brandon’s youth, something they elaborate more in the show, came from out Sandy way and lived through the early upbringing of mental and physical abuse, typical of any gay kid from here in that period.

“I felt so lost,” Liberati told me in our FaceTime interview. “It was the classic case of thinking I was the only gay person in the world.”

At the ripe age of 15, one of his best girlfriends brought him to club Impulse and that’s when he found his kindred spirits.

“Those days changed my life,” he said. “I found my people, I kissed a boy and learned about music and acceptance and life as it suited me.”

You’d notice Brandon, with his silver fox hair and toned body of tattoos, defiantly easy in the eyes. I remember Brandon from back in the day, he was droolingly cute, perfectly tanned and coiffed, with a body that

was naturally perfect. The first thing you still notice about this Italian stallion is the the ultra-bright smile. It’s no wonder the pretty boy who grew into full fledged god is finding his X-minutes in the public eye.

Leaving Salt Lake in 1990, he split to California where he’s been to this day.

He started a career as a makeup artist in Long Beach, then headed north to San Francisco where we reconnected. It was there that Liberati started his illustrious career doing hair.

“San Francisco,” he tells me, “is where I both found and lost myself.”

It’s very easy for a young 20-something from Salt Lake to move to a big city and overindulge in everything it has to offer.

Those overindulgences and the thrill of the excess of city life all too often cover the damaged upbringing of one’s past and his translated to the experience of being raised here in Salt Lake, something he talks freely about in show. What he doesn’t talk about is the dark place that lead him to a suicide attempt.

Thus far Brandon had found himself dressing the hair of the Silicon Valley elite.

So, together with the need to leave the excesses of San Francisco, he embarked to Los Angeles to get his life together and take his career to the next level. Liberati is now one of the highest in demand among the Hollywood starlets. Chances are if you have ever seen a red carpet, movie or magazine, you’ve seen his work.

Shortly after moving to Los Angeles seven years ago, he spotted the love of his life in the Golds Gym (shocking) and they have been making waves as one of Hollywood’s power elite since. With his career and Ramsey’s foot already in the door of the Hollywood house, it wasn’t long before I started seeing Brandon on screen himself — He was one of RuPaul’s sexy

muscle boys for Drag U which lead them to being cast in Bravo TV’s hit reality series, Newlyweds, the First Year. Throughout the show you see them live their fabulous lives, problem solve life issues (one has a medical scare this month)and get really personal with their families. Are they doing anything ground-breaking? I guess that depends on who you ask, but as Liberati and Ramsey see it, gay marriage is still relatively new and has a certain amount of taboo attached for middle America. They hope that by being public with their lives, people will see them, have to face them and eventually accept them.

I personally feel them to be so brave because opening your lives to the public like that can leave you very vulnerable to hate mongers — not only the straights but I was shocked to hear the nay saying within the gay community. Oh well, as I told them, Jealous Bitches gonna hate.

If you haven’t seen the show, the boys are hysterical. Brandon has always had a great and slightly racy sense of humor and my favorite part about Craig is that, for the big blonde Adonis god he is, I’m almost positive girlfriend feels real comfortable in a pair of heels.

These two cuties are just getting started with what life has in store for them and I think you’ll find their antics, both on camera and behind the scenes on their YouTube show Fit and Phab, to be strangely compelling. I’m certain you’ll fall in love with Brandon as hard as I did 30 years ago.

This is one of my favorite subjects to write about. Local boy follows dream and succeeds!

Congrats to both of you Brandon and Craig and good luck on your first year.

Cheers! Q Keep up to date with this Fit and Phab couple by following them @craigramsey and @brandonliberati and of course Wednesday nights at 8pm on Bravo PHOTO: JACE DEAN PHOTOGRAPHY

NIGHTLIFE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 45

february 2016 | issue 252 | gaysaltlake.com

Qmmunity Calendar Weekly Events: SUNDAYS  Beer Church @ Club Try-Angles 3pm | 251 W 900 S, clubtry-angles. com  Karaoke Church at Jam SLC @ 9pm | 751 N 300 W, jamslc.com

MONDAYS  Pride Yoga at Utah Pride Center 6:30pm | 255 E 400 S, utahpridecenter.org  HIV/STI Testing at Utah Pride Center | 255 E 400 S, utahpridecenter.org

WEDNESDAYS  Karaoke at Jam SLC @ 9pm | 751 N 300 W  Utah Bears Dinner, meeting first at Raw Bean @ 6pm | 611 West Temple, utahbears.com  HIV/STI Testing at Utah Pride Center @ 5-7pm | 255 E 400 S, utahpridecenter.org

THURSDAYS  Karaoke at Club Try-Angles | 251 W 900 S, clubtryangles.com

FRIDAYS  Gossip! at Club Sound @9:30pm | 579 W 200 S, gossipslc.com  Dance Party at Jam SLC | 751 N 300 W, jamslc.com  One80 at Moose Lounge | 180 W 400 S, facebook. com/One80.SLC

 Cisero’s Park City Gay Night | 306 Main St, Park City

SATURDAYS  Dance Party at Jam SLC | 751 N 300 W, jamslc.com  Vers at Club X | 445 400 W

Special Events FRI FEB 5  Utah Bears Night @Club Try-Angles  Porn star/DJ Pierre Fitch @One80  Royal Court fundraiser w/Indi Skies 8pm; then Tony Berrow’s Mardi Gras Birthday Celebration @JAM

SAT FEB 6  Burning Man Party w/Fire Dancers & DJ Lishus @JAM  Mardi Gras w/ Intensity D’Vouge, Jackie Oh! @VERS  Homecoming w/ the Bad Kids Collective @Metro Bar

SUN FEB 7  First Sunday Bingo with Matrons of Mayhem @OffTrax  SuperBowl Sunday @Try-Angles

 Third Friday Bingo w/Matrons of Mayhem 7pm @ First Baptist  Offical Elevation Ski Weekend Party @JAM

SAT FEB 20  Big Gay Fun Bus leaves noon @ Club Try-Angles biggayfunbus.com  Underwear Night with Carnal Desires @Try-Angles  Elevation Ski Week­ end Party @OP Rockwell, Park City

 Gear & Leather Night @Try-Angles  Mae Dae Presents!

Show 10:30p @Jam

 Code by blackBOOTS 9pm @ Try-Angles  Equality Utah Party @One80  Robbie Rob monthly party @JAM

SAT FEB 27

IT’S

E H T IT’S

 Indi Skies Presents! @JAM  No Brainer Dance Party w/Flame Fatale, Sonya Jade @VERS  BAR EVENT : 21+ (GOSSIP! 18+)  COMMUNITY EVENT: ALL AGES  KARAOKE: 21+

QMMUNITY IS A COLLABORATION WITH QSALTLAKE &

SAT FEB 13

TWO MORE TRIPS THIS SEASON: TARDI MARDI BUS, SAT. FEBRUARY 20 SPRING CONFERENCE GETAWAY SATURDAY, APRIL 2, 2016

Brought to you by QSaltLake and the Matrons of Mayhem, we leave Club Try-Angles at noon on the most raucous trip to West Wendover, NV you will ever find. Bingo on the way-o with great prizes, $7 in free play, free grand buffet, more!

 RuPaul Drag Race Star Kennedy Davenport @VERS

SUN FEB 14  Valentines Date auction w/Robbie Rob @JAM

IT’S

FRI FEB 26

TheHive.pdf 1 10/19/2015 12:41:03 PM

FRI FEB 12

IT’S

FRI FEB 19

A WEEKLY FORECAST AND BREAKDOWN OF LGBTQIA EVENTS HAPPENING IN SLC

TICKETS AT BIGGAYFUNBUS.COM and Club Try-Angles during business hours

46 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD

gaysaltlake.com | issue 252 | february 2016

the perils of petunia pap smear

As always, these events leave us with several burning eternal questions.

1. Do most other healthy North American Homosexual Males in their natural habitat, enjoy visions of Eye Candy when the opportunity presents itself?

2. Am I alone in my fetish for fondling Spandex?

3. When you get caught staring, will, “I was wondering where you bought your shirt” suffice as an excuse?

4. Should I have confessed to Stephanie that I was gawking at her hubby?

5. Is that called coveting my neighbor’s husband?

6. Am I going to Hell?

These and other important

questions to be answered in future chapters of: The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear. Q

PUZZLE SOLUTIONS

Cryptogram: LOOK AT THAT FACE! WOULD ANYONE VOTE FOR Anagram: DONALD TRUMP THAT? CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT, THE FACE OF OUR NEXT PRESIDENT? (DONALD TRUMP QUOTE ABOUT CARLY FIORINA.)

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top. His legs were nicely tanned, with just the right amount of hair prickling forth, so as to cause a tickle when stroked.

His thigh muscles rippled with provocative movement, reaching upward into his buns with every step he took. And those buns, OH MY GOD, those buns of steel. Perfectly rounded, rippling mounds of tightly toned muscles you could bounce a dime off of.

His shorts were rather tight fitting, (THANK THE GODS) and revealed that he was equipped with more than just a “dangling participle,” but a full-fledged ”master of ceremonies” straining against the tight fabric, ready to “rise to the occasion,” paired dreamily with a twin set of “bauble bangers,” in picture-perfect proportion and position. I began to feel that I was to be “Constitutionally inclined to gallantry” and thus needed to remain hidden behind the clothing racks, lest my own “Captain Standish” become detectable. (Oh, we could make beautiful babies together.) The temptation to throw myself at his feet and yell “Take me, I’m yours”, was almost unbearable.

After quite some time, I was able to tear my straining eyeballs from his “prostate poker” and continue scanning upwards. His abdominal muscles formed a perfect six-pack, clearly defined through the tight fitting fabric.

Any half-assed cook would have easily been able to grate cheese on that stomach. My visual scans continued ascending, up the perfectly V-shaped torso of perfection to a set of broad and tanned shoulders that could have been sculpted by Michelangelo himself. And the biceps. Oh those tawny brawny biceps, capable of cracking walnuts. I surely had a case of the vapors. I was ready to

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to fully appreciating a prime piece of eye candy is fraught with danger and excitement.

It was fairly late one hot August evening and I had run to Walmart to in order to replenish my supply of Lee Press On Nails, which had been seriously depleted while I had been gathering firewood for the weekly Weenie World Cookout up Logan Canyon in the Fruit Loop. They don’t teach you in princess finishing school that the manicure is the first thing a queen sacrifices when roughing it in the wild.

I was drawn like a moth to flame, to the men’s sportswear section, where I could surreptitiously fondle the spandex compression shorts.

Few activities give me such a rush as to feel that silky smooth “Fabric Of The Gods”, slipping between my fingers, as my eyes clandestinely stare at the photo of the strappingly fit, glistening shirtless stud with oiled up six pack, wearing the skintight, form fitting, shorts made of the “Patron Fabric of Gay Men,” with exceptional bulges and ripples in all the right places.

To my shock and immense gratitude, while I was wistfully worshiping the spandex model, around the corner strode a real life specimen of male perfectitude. It was all I could do not to execute an audible gasp. My eyes locked on this newcomer like Starship Enterprise phasers lock on a Klingon Bird of Prey. Not wanting to be caught staring, I carefully hid behind a rack of shirts while I closely scanned him for desirable attributes. I began to be a little bit “hot and bothered.”

He was wearing mid-thigh length shorts and a body-hugging tank

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The road

the games begin!

After about ten minutes of me seriously cruising him, I was just about to try and instigate a session of “Pokey Man” when around the corner swirled my best friend’s sister, Stephanie.

She caught me staring at who I just now suddenly recognized was her husband of five years.

Flustered, and horrified by her unexpected ambush, and with the hasty realization that I was barking up the wrong tree, I quickly mumbled “Hi Steph, gotta run,” and hurriedly got the hell out of there.

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BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR

“look at the ceiling over the man’s shoulder” and “think of England.”

That’s how they taught us to act in Princess Finishing School, so as to be able to retain some dignity and decorum during the throws of passion.

He had my most favorite style of haircut — “Freshly Returned Missionary!” I slowly moved from behind the rack of shirts to gain a bird’s eye view of his handsomely rugged face. He had gloriously high cheekbones, with a firm square jaw, and the cutest dimple in his cheeks when he noticed me and smiled. And those eyes, were dark brown, to match his hair.

I was ready to “have a blanket drill” on the spot.

In a sudden sense of panic, I realized that this vision of absolute beauty looked somewhat familiar to me. However, I could not place where I knew him from. I didn’t think that he was a former sexual partner, but one can never be too sure, what with all the shadowy lighting usually involved in “getting your chimney swept out”. Nonetheless, the natural instincts of the North American Homosexual Male to enter into “automatic cruising mode” was too great to resist. I began to follow his movements.

After he would proceed to the next clothing rack, I would follow behind him and look at the very same items that he had been handling. My heart skipped another beat, when his eyes caught mine again and he grinned. Let

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