QSaltLake Magazine - March 2017 Issue

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UTAH’S GAY, LESBIAN, BISEXUAL, TRANSGENDER AND ALLY

MAGAzINE

MARCH 2017 ISSUE 265

HOPE MAKING LGBT AMERICA A GA I N

PHOTO COURTESY OF ABC

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Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

in this issue 26

staffbox

publisher/editor Michael Aaron

34

36

Interview with Dustin Lance Black Comedian Ian Harvie on how ‘we’re Madam On being an activist, the power of collective all trans,’ his vast penis collection and comedy Pattirini Gin as a tool for change protesting and changing hearts.

Brigham’s 35th son

NEWS ���������������������������������������������������������������������9 National and world news of the month Provo LGBT center opens Boy Scouts allows transgender boys Ski-N-Swim VIEWS �������������������������������������������������������������������16 Dressed to the Nines Kathy Worthington Creep Milo Yiannopoulos

FEATURE �����������������������������������������������������������26 Make LGBT America HOPE Again Gay Agenda FOOD & DRINK �������������������������������������������36 A new local gin commemorates Brigham Young’s 35th son — Madam Pattirini LIFESTYLE ���������������������������������������������������������46 Utah’s Most Eligible LGBT Singles Netflix and Chill in 2017

from the publisher

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BY MICHAEL AARON

Milk’s most famous speech (excerpted on page 30) was a call to arms for the gay community to get elected to office and make change, to give hope to “the young gay people in the Altoona, Pennsylvanias and the Richmond, Minnesotas who are coming out.” “Hope for a better world, hope for a better tomorrow, hope for a better place to come to if the pressures at home are too great.”

Many in the LGBT community are concerned about where the country is headed with a Donald Trump presidency. Fears of anti-trans legislation, misogyny and xenophobia are common.

Younger LGBT leaders worry that the gains made in the past short time are at risk, or in fact have put some in the community in peril.

Those of us who have been hoeing the tough row for decades know that politics and social attitudes swing like a pendulum, and it is expected that after an era of brisk momentum for our

publisher

CONTACT EMAILS:

Gotta give ’em hope Harvey

copy editor Tony Hobday designer Christian Allred sales Craig Ogan national advertising representative: Rivendell Media, 212-242-6863, sales@rivendellmedia.com contributors Diane AndersonMinshall, Chris Azzopardi, Paul Berge, Jeff Berry, Dave Brousseau, Tyson Daley, Mikki Enoch, Jack Fertig, Greg Fox, Charles Lynn Frost, Oriol Gutierrez Jr., Tony Hobday, Christopher Katis, Princess Kennedy, Rock Magen, Sam Mills, Mikey Rox, Gregg Shapiro, Petunia Pap Smear, Steven Petrow, Ed Sikov, Peter Stoker, Marcy Taylor-Rizzi, Ben ­Williams, D’Anne ­Witkowski distribution Bradley Jay Crookston, James Enoch, Kevin Sevcik

cause, a swing backwards will take place.

But we also know that the backwards doesn’t go nearly so far as from where it started.

Society has changed. Thousand of couples have married. Hundreds of trans kids are in supportive schools and in supportive families.

It is now common to see same-sex couples in commercials and sitcoms. We can see ourselves reflected back at us in our media.

As one expert said in a story I read while researching, too much of the toothpaste is out of the tube. It can’t easily be put back in.

What will happen, however (and we are seeing this in our state and across the country), is that people will rise up and a movement will take force. And that is what each of us needs to promise our upcoming generations of LGBTQ kids.

“I know that you cannot live on hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living. And you...

And you...And you...Gotta give em hope.” Q

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Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

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March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

news The top national and world news you should know from last month Federal LGBTQ protections remain, Log Cabin claims credit There will be no changes in a 2014 executive order that protects employees of federal contractors from discrimination based on their sexual orientation the White House announced.

The president “is determined to protect the rights of all Americans, including the LGBTQ community,” the White House said. The order left in place the 2014 exemptions that religious contractors currently enjoy..

Mimicking a Rooster at sun rise, Log Cabin Republicans President Gregory T. Angelo stated. “Log Cabin Republicans is proud to have directly advocated for this important preservation of LGBT equality in the federal workforce, and heartened to see the Administration’s decision to maintain the LGBT Non-Discrimination Executive Order.”

Chelsea Manning commuted Chelsea Manning, the US Army analyst convicted of leaking American military and diplomatic activities across the world had the remainder of her 35-year prison sentence commuted by President Obama.

The commutation relieved the Department of Defense of responsibility of her treatment for her gender dysphoria —

including sex reassignment surgery. Manning has been under suicide watch in prison after two unsuccessful attempts.

Testimony showed that she had been in a mental and emotional crisis as she came to grips, amid the stress of a war zone, with the fact that she was not merely gay but had gender dysphoria.

Wife of Pulse shooter cuffed Noor Salman, the wife of Pulse nightclub shooter was arrested in connection with June mass shooting. She married Omar Mateen in 2011.

Salman gave conflicting accounts about what she knew of Mateen’s intentions in the hours before the attack, authorities said. She also told investigators that in the weeks before the attack, Mateen spent thousands of dollars, including for the guns used in the attack.

George Michael, Chem sex Paul Stag, an escort who claims a relationship with deceased singer George Michael, says the singer was addicted to “chemsex,” GHB. Stag says he supplied him with numerous drugs before and after dating him between 2009 and 2013. “He was incredibly sexually active and in his mind drugs equaled sex and sex equaled drugs.” Stag says Michael called him about 500 times in nine years to get drugs from him and believes it may have been a factor in Michael’s death.

Conversion therapy and Betsy DeVos Betsy DeVos, testifying at hearings before confirmation as U.S. Secretary of Education, affirmed she supported equal treatment for LGBTQ students and denied support of for “conversion therapy”. DeVos said, “I have never believed in

that (conversion therapy). I fully embrace equality, and I all students should be able to attend school and feel safe.”

Prior to the hearing, both Lambda Legal and the National Center for Transgender Equality urged the committee to fully vet the nominee. The Republican LGBT group Log Cabin Republicans supported her, “Ms. DeVos has been maligned in the media as an ‘anti-gay’ activist. Ms. DeVos actually has a history of working with and supporting gay individuals.”

‘Will and Grace’ back.

Next up, ‘Amos and Andy’ NBC has ordered ten new episodes of Will & Grace, running on the NBC from 1998 to 2006, to air during the 2017-2018 season. The series stars Eric McCormack, Debra Messing, Sean Hayes, and Megan Mullally, will return.

NBC entertainment Chairman Robert Greenblatt called the series, “One of the smartest, funniest, and most defining comedies in NBC history.” Mat Mutchnick and David Kohan, the original series creators, will be also be involved. James Burrows will direct..

Mississippi burns Miss. Gov. Phil Bryant (R) signed legislation which allows Mississippians to refuse to provide goods, services or facilities for a gay wedding due to religious or moral objections.

It also allows government employees who issue marriage licenses or perform marriages to recuse themselves, so long as these licenses and marriages are “not impeded or delayed as a result of any recusal.”

It’s also a “bathroom bill” legislating a person’s gender is “determined by anatomy and genetics at time of birth” allowing businesses to determine who is allowed to access bathrooms, dressing rooms and locker rooms.

LGBTQ — big business According to a new report from the National Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, LGBT owned businesses have an economic volume of $1.15 billion annually in the USA. Using economists’ standard multipliers, the group as a whole makes a total economic impact of more than $1.7 trillion. The 900-plus LGBTQ businesses represent 33,000 jobs per year in the United States. The average LGBTbased business has existed for 12 years and generates $2.48 million in annual revenue. On the high end, one of NGLCC’s certified members has annual revenue of $180 million.

Travel, but wisely David Rubin, the chief executive of a Calif. travel company wrote in the New York Times, “L.G.B.T. travelers may have to contend with discrimination or inadvertent uncomfortable situations when they’re on the road.”

His tips for avoiding problems: • Pick the right destinations.

Big Cities provide a history of inclusion and night life.

Cities in North and South America and Europe and are cited as good bets. Be careful in Mid East, African and Caribbean Countries.

He especially warns against PDA in those places • Book with international or recognized hotel companies as those companies train employees to engage with a diversity of travelers • Book LGBTQ groups or cruises • Use a travel agent which welcomes LGTBQ business (like Utah’s Thomas Travel) as agents can advise on helpful guides, drivers and hotels and when it may be safest for them to not be open about their sexual orientation.

10 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

Amid worry, gay conservatives see hope for LGBT rights in Trump presidency When husbands Brian Powers and Dan Cunningham arrived at the March for Women’s Lives in Washington, D.C. on Jan. 21 like thousands of other people, they marched in fear of what a Donald Trump presidancy would mean for women’s rights, gender equality, health care, reproductive rights and LGBT rights. “We are going to support women and all the humans that are marginalized,” said Cunningham.

One of the issues on their mind in particular was marriage equality: Trump has previously said that the issue of same-sex marriage was “settled” by the U.S. Supreme Court,

Christopher Deraney of Atlanta Georgia

but some Americans fear that his future nominees to that Court could overturn the decision. Besides which, not everyone takes the president at his word, especially since he promised to appoint Supreme Court justices who would overturn Roe v. Wade.

“Anything in this country can be overturned. People have to realize that. Nothing is ever done. And we can attest to that through Roe versus Wade and the constant pushback to overturn that,” said Catherine

Marino-Thomas, who was board president of Marriage Equality USA for 17 years and currently works with Gays Against Guns. “I don’t believe anything the guy says.”

She is not alone.

“You can’t believe Trump. He has no integrity,” Cunningham said.

“The choice of Pence says a lot,” added Powers, referring to Vice President Michael Pence. Pence has said that he believes that being gay is a choice and opposed a number of laws which would protect LGBT people in the workplace, including the repeal of the military’s Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy and a law that would explicitly prohibit workplace discrimination against LGBT people. Last week, about 200 LGBT activists staged a dance party at Pence’s residence to let him know they would not tolerate bigotry and hate, according to CNN. But Chris Barron, co-founder of the now-defunct conservative LGBT group GOProud, said the LGBT community should not worry about Pence.

“Trump is in charge now. When people tell me they are worried that Mike Pence is the Vice President, I remind them that Trump is the president,” he said. “Trump is not going to be signing anything into law that hurts the LGBT community. Mike Pence isn’t setting policy in D.C.; Donald Trump is.”

That didn’t resolve Cunningham’s concerns, who noted that just hours into Trump’s presidency, a page dedicated to LGBT rights had been removed from the White House website. “It’s frightening,” he said.

Gregory T. Angelo, the president of the right-of-center LGBT group the Log Cabin Republicans, dismissed concerns over the changes as “nonsense.”

“Standard protocol in Washington, D.C. is to wipe the slate clean every time there is a new administration” he said. “And it’s not that they don’t exist, they have been archived on White House website.”

“What you are seeing already from the left is Chicken Little histrionics that are not actually rooted in any tangible political philosophy or legislative agenda that President Trump could push in support of LGBT community,” he added President Trump’s transition team had been in discussion with Log Cabin Republicans “for weeks,” according to Angelo which, to him, signals an interest from this administration in working with the LGBT community — or, at least the moderate

conservatives in the LGBT community.

Angelo’s biggest hope is that Trump’s administration will work with lawmakers on the center-right to finally pass federal LGBT non-discrimination law (with the full support of the liberal lawmakers who regularly introduce it, only to see it blocked by conservatives).

But Angelo’s hope for a non-discrimination law doesn’t even necessarily reflect the concerns of many more right-leaning LGBT conservatives.

On the night before the Women’s March, many of those gay conservatives and their allies feted the 45th president at the Gay “Deploraball” in Potomac, Maryland.

For most of the very conservative attendees, the main issue in this election was economy, not LGBT rights. Kellen Picou, from New Orleans, hoped the president would repeal Dodd-Frank, the massive financial services regulation and consumer protection law passed in 2010, which Picou says would make it easier for him to open a third donut shop.

Christopher Deraney, from Georgia, expressed disappointment in the economic recovery under President Barack Obama.“The growth was just not as much as it should have been,” said Deraney, who works with his local chamber of commerce.

Most of the ball’s attendees actually praised Trump for his stance on LGBT issues — pointing to his appearance with the rainbow “LGBT for Trump” flag just prior before the election — while others complained about the perception that all gay people are liberals.

“People assume if you are gay, you are a Democrat. People assume that if you are a conservative in any way, shape or form, that you are straight,” said Kristopher Morris, another gay ball attendee whose Facebook page is filled with anti-Muslim news stories. “Whereas the reality is there is a diversity of thought regardless of sexual orientation or gender or anything else like that. We prefer to label people so that we can pigeonhole them and not listen to what they are saying and that just doesn’t help.”

GOProud’s Barron says it’s not surprising most of the LGBT community votes for Democrats. “Why should anybody vote for you if you don’t ask for their vote?” he said, pointing out that other Republican presidential candidates like Mitt Romney and John McCain did not court the LGBT voters. “Trump actually made the ask. There is an opportunity going forward for the Republican party to start attracting more LGBT voters and that way has been paved

by Donald Trump’s campaign.” Q

March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 11

Wyoming ‘religious freedom’ bill withdrawn, LGBT protection debated New legislation to offer workplace discrimination protections to LGBT employees in the state of Wyoming has support from both Republicans and Democrats in both state houses of Legislature.

Introduced in February, Senate File 153 will prohibit workplace discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

It comes on the same day that a controversial piece of Wyoming legislation, religious freedom bill HB135, was dropped.

Opponents of the HB135 said it could technically allow any worker, including doctors and police, to decline services to LGBT if they felt it conflicted with their faith.

Supporters of HB153 dropped the legislation when it became apparent that there would not be enough time for the Wyoming legislature to debate it.

If accepted later this spring, SF135 will instead mean that Wyoming businesses cannot decline employment to, or fire someone, simply because they’re gay, bisexual or transgender.

LGBT advocates welcomed the fact that the bill has been introduced, and will introduce previously lacking discrimination protections. However, they are unhappy the legisla-

tion includes exemptions for religious organizations and are urging supporters to write to their representatives to make their views known.

In a statement, the group said: ‘Tonight, we took our first big step toward winning LGBT equality in Wyoming!

“After a flood of calls, emails and visits to our Wyoming State Legislature, the sponsors of HB135 withdrew the bill. It’s dead, y’all. We’re now closer to working towards real equality by passing SF153, our ‘ENDA’ (Employee Non-Discrimination Act) which would provide workplace protections for LGBT workers.

“But we won’t stand for a ‘religious’ exemption. Many people of faith, some LGBT themselves, will not allow religion to be weaponized in the workplace.”

News of the withdrawal of HB135 was also welcomed by ACLU Wyoming. It said in a statement, “We’re thrilled that the Wyoming Legislature decided against pursuing House Bill 135, a dangerous and discriminatory law that would have posed real threats to LGBT people in our state.

“Wyoming is sending the message that we stand for equal rights and fairness for everyone.” Q

Use your library card to support Orlando Pulse victims Hoopla digital – a Netflix-like service that partners with libraries across North America including Salt Lake, is now bringing comic book publisher IDW’S Love is Love to library cardholders for free.

As the comics industry unites to honor the victims of the Pulse Nightclub tragedy last June, hoopla digital is joining forces with Equality Florida to benefit those affected by the Orlando tragedy with just a simple borrow. Patrons in

Salt Lake can get involved with the use of their library card.

With this historic collection, the unique 144-page anthology features some of the most iconic characters in pop culture including Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern and even Harry Potter.

Since debuting in comic books shops and bookstores in December, Love is Love has quickly risen to #1 on best-seller lists.

For information, go to hoopladigital.com and sign up for free.

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12 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

Equality Utah files injunction against ‘No Promo Homo’ laws in Utah Schools Equality Utah and three public school students, represented by the National Center for Lesbian Rights and the law firm of Ropes & Gray LLP, asked a federal court to enter a preliminary injunction preventing enforcement of state laws that restrict classroom discussions and student clubs that include supportive speech about “homosexuality” in Utah public schools.

The plaintiffs’ motion, filed before Senior U.S. District Judge Dee Benson of the District of Utah, argues that the laws violate the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution because they discriminate based on sexual orientation by prohibiting instruction, classroom discussions, and student clubs involving supportive speech about “homosexuality.” The motion also argues that the student club laws violate the First Amendment free-speech rights of students.

“Our state’s anti-gay school laws contribute to a chilling culture of silence that stigmatizes LGBTQ students and treats them differently than other students,” said Troy Williams, the executive director of Equality Utah. “These anachronistic laws tell young people that who they are is so shameful that students and teachers cannot even acknowledge their existence in a supportive way. It is shocking for the law to single out a single group of students for such openly discriminatory and harmful treatment. We are bringing this lawsuit because we want LGBTQ youth know that they are seen, they are valued and that they belong in our schools and state just as much as other students do.”

The lawsuit challenges state laws that prevent supportive discussions of gay

people in curricula, classroom discussions, and student clubs. At least eight states have similar laws. The motion filed today argues that sole purpose of the challenged Utah laws is to express the state’s moral disapproval of “homosexuality,” which the U.S. Supreme Court has held is not a legitimate basis for laws that discriminate based on a person’s sexual orientation. The motion asks the court to halt enforcement of the challenged restrictions immediately while the plaintiffs’ lawsuit proceeds.

“These laws violate our most basic constitutional values — that every citizen has equal worth, and that the State cannot restrict what people can say about important issues in public discourse,” said Doug Hallward-Driemeier, partner at Ropes & Gray LLP. “By attempting to cut off students’ ability to advocate for the equal rights of the LGBTQ community, Utah has put itself on the wrong side of these core values.”

Some teachers who would be supportive if a student reached out to them about LGBT issues worry because of the laws and refuse to directly discuss the issues. Students who are LGBT or are facing LGBT issues are, therefore, left isolated and vulnerable to bullying and unable to fully participate in school activities, according to the lawsuit.

The three student plaintiffs include a gender nonconforming 5-year-old boy in Weber County who the lawsuit claims was beaten and bullied by his classmates and school officials failed to intervene; a gay high school student in Cache County who says he was barred from sharing an English paper about his uncle, who is married to a man; and a young lesbian in Salt Lake

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County who claims she was “selectively disciplined” for holding another girl’s hand while in middle school in the Jordan School District, though heterosexual student couples have not faced the same consequences.

The Utah Attorney General’s office asserted in a court response back in October that the state’s policies do not violate any laws, nor do they contain the phrase “Anti-Gay Laws.” They also claim the school board and districts named in the lawsuit are protected by immunity laws.

The state also cites that, because the three student plaintiffs and their guardians have not been identified, it can’t respond to their claims.

Two-and-a-half weeks later, at press time, the state has still not filed a response to the motion for an injunction, though Utah Attorney General’s Office spokesman Dan Burton said the agency was aware of the filing.

Utah Sen. Jim Dabakis, D-Salt Lake, introduced legislation that would strike the language in state law that bans “advocacy of homosexuality.” Rep. Brian King will be the House sponsor of the yet-to-be-released bill. King said that teachers need to be able to have age-appropriate, fact-based discussions with their students about homosexuality without worrying about violating the law. Q

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March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

LGBT Center opens in Provo Encircle LGBTQ Family and Youth Resource Center had a ribbon-cutting ceremony in honor of its opening Feb. 11 in Provo.

Leaders say the goal of the center is to give LGBTQ youth and their families a safe place within the community where they can learn how to support and “encircle each other with love.”

“This really is about family, about staying together as a united family. This house is the aid, the resource to keep families together,” said Steve Young, former NFL and Brigham Young University quarterback.

He and his wife, Barbara, are co-founders of the Forever Young Foundation, and were one of the many early donors for the Encircle home.

Stephenie Larsen, founder and executive director of Encircle, received a long standing ovation at the ceremony before she even spoke. She was quick to thank the many volunteers and supporters who gave their time, money and manpower over the past months to make the house come to life.

Larsen began planning Encircle long ago when the LDS Church released instructions to area leaders that those in same-sex marriages were to be considered apostates and children living with such couples would be disallowed from being baptized into the church until they were 18 and only if they disavowed their parents’ relationship.

Her husband’s late uncle John Williams, co-owner of Gastronomy and philanthropist who was murdered in May of last year, was the inspiration and driving force behind the home, and it was dedicated to his memory at the ceremony.

When Williams came out as gay to his family several years ago, they encircled him with

love, Larsen said. Seeing their example prompted Larsen’s vision of a place in Utah County to empower families of LGBTQ youth.

“Why is it that John was able to come out as a gay man in Salt Lake City, and yet in my community here LGBT youth are choosing not to live? John never left the circle of his family. Here at Encircle, these kids will feel loved,” Larsen said.

Larsen also credited 21-yearold Orem resident Jacob Dunford as the driving force behind the home’s completion.

Dunford, Encircle’s development director, worked tirelessly behind the scenes to organize many of the essential pieces.

For him, as well for most of those involved, it was personal.

He came out two years ago while attending BYU and felt very alone.

“I didn’t have any resources.

I felt totally isolated,” he said.

He moved to California, and said he had “a great life there,” but felt compelled to come back to Utah County to make a difference for those who were struggling. His mantra, “No sides, only love,” is the Encircle home’s theme, and the phrase adorns multiple walls within the home.

“Everybody deserves love.

My main mission is to stay here until the community is accepting,” he said. “Whoever you are, whether gay or straight or whatever, you should be able to walk into Wal-Mart holding the hand of the person you love without it being a big deal.”

One speaker said the historic William D. Alexander House on 200 South was meant for this purpose — it just had to wait 125 years.

The Encircle center is now open for workshops, free classes, wellness events, mentoring and therapy. Q More info at encircletogether.org.

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14 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

Utah Gay & Lesbian Wedding Expo set for April 2 Same-sex couples planning for their wedding don’t want their excitement pierced by the pain of being rejected by a venue, florist or photographer, all who have a legal right in Utah to refuse to serve a gay couple.

That’s why hundreds of people will come to Pierpont Place in downtown Salt Lake City the first Sunday of April for the 2017 Utah Gay & Lesbian Wedding Expo.

The expo, produced by QSaltLake and UtahGayWeddings.com will help connect couples with businesses who want to make it known they’re open to doing same-sex weddings.

Last year, a string quartet played on one side of the exhibit hall and pop music on

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Wedding planner Juan Jose Orellana prepares for last year’s wedding expo.

the other side, and gay and lesbian couples chatted with businesses showing off fancy wedding cakes, fun photo booths and elaborate floral arrangements.

Karl Jennings and Chris Marrano were looking for a cake baker and photographer for their June 2016 wedding. A straight friend helped them make wedding plans by calling ahead to businesses to make sure they’ll do a gay wedding. The expo helped them finish their plans.

“We know that whoever is here isn’t going to turn us away because we’re gay,” Jennings told the Associated Press. “It’s very relaxing and makes you want to give people business here. I want support people who want to support us.”

Utah is one of 29 states where it is legal for businesses to refuse services to same-sex couples, according to the Human Rights Campaign. A proposal to change that law died last year in the Utah’s Republican-controlled legislature. There are no estimates of how often it happens, but most gay couples know somebody who has been rejected.

This will be the third expo. The first was held before same-sex marriage was even legal in the state. At that time, it was common for people to travel to a state to marry, and return to celebrate with family and friends.

For wedding-related businesses, gay marriages represent a growth market. Gaining a toehold requires spreading the word you’re open to LGBT weddings — and not just doing it for the money, said Annie Munk, who along with her wife Nicole Broberg rents photo booths for weddings.

“Couples need to feel comfortable with the person they’re working with and know that’s not going to be any judgment, or awkwardness or whispering behind the counter,”

said Munk, owner of Utah Party Pix. As of last June, Gallup reported nearly a million Americans were in same-sex marriages. Also last June, the Williams Institute released a report saying weddings by same-sex couples generated an estimated $1.58 billion boost to the national economy, and $102 million in state and local sales tax revenue in the first year of marriage equality.

The LGBT population has an estimated buying power of $884 billion annually, according to a report from Witeck Communications and the National Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.

The rise of gay wedding expos, which have been around for more than a decade, is reflective of corporate America’s expanding embrace of the LGBT market, said Beck Bailey of the Human Rights Campaign.

U.S. News & World Report last year reported, “The Salt Lake City expo marked another step into the public sphere for an LGBT community in Utah that was relegated to the shadows, due in large part to a conservative culture rooted in a Mormon faith that teaches its members that acting on homosexual attraction is a sin.”

“Having an event like this out in the open shows how much we’ve changed,” said Sophia Hawes-Tingey, a transgender woman representing the Utah Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. “Six years ago, there would have been a lot of public complaints. I haven’t heard one at all this time.” Q For more information on attending, exhibiting or sponsoring the event, go to UtahGayWeddingExpo.com

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 15

March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

Salt Lake Support group starting for Deaf LGBT victims of abuse

BY MIKKI ENOCH

The Sego Lily Center for the Abused Deaf is a non-profit agency that was officially established in September of 2000.

The agency is run by a group of concerned people (Deaf, Hard of Hearing and Hearing).

SLCAD is an advocacy agency culturally and linguistically designed to meet the specific needs of Deaf, Deaf/Blind and Hard of Hearing victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. SLCAD provides direct services to victims such as finding safe shelter, legal advocacy, counseling, support groups, parenting classes, etc., support to survivors, in-service trainings to professionals, education to the Deaf community and collaboration with service providers.

SLCAD is modeled after and trained by the Abused Deaf Women’s Advocacy Services and is supported by the federal Department of Justice Programs — including the Office on Violence Against Women and Victims of Crime Act. Our staff and volunteers receive specialized training (60 hours or more) to work as advocates for Deaf/HH victims and survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault.

SLCAD received funding to begin the Deaf/Hard of Hearing LGBTQ support group for Deaf/Hard of Hearing victims and survivors of abuse in Utah.

Stephanie Mathis explained the reason for establishing the group as follows, “We have been approached by a few people who identified themselves as members of the LGBTQ community who indicated that there was a great need.

We also have served victims and survivors who identify themselves as LGBTQ. We want to provide a safe space

for LGBTQ survivors to talk about their experiences being abused and to know that they are not alone. We decided to write in our VOCA (Victims of Crime Act) grant application to begin providing support group specifically for the Deaf/Hard of Hearing LGBTQ community. This program is now funded by the VOCA grant. We have a contract with a therapist who will facilitate the support group. Jerry Buie has agreed to run the support group at the Utah Pride Center. We hope this will give Deaf LGBTQ survivors hope that they can heal in a safe place with the support of others who share common experiences. Statistics show that two out of three Deaf individuals experience abuse, and from those numbers, we believe that the Deaf/Hard of Hearing LGBTQ individuals are at greater risk as well. “ Buie stated his reasons for participating in this endeavor as, “it can be a struggle to be LGBTQ and it can also be a struggle to be deaf, sometimes lonely and challenging to be one or the other, but combining both can at times be staggering, then to also be dealing with issues around a history of abuse can be staggering. No one should struggle in such isolation. Resources for the deaf community who need mental health assistance is far and few.

For Sego Lily to take on this challenge of a LGBTQ/Deaf group makes them pioneers in an area that has a significant need. This group will greatly impact the individuals they hope to serve. I’m honored to be asked to help in such an innovated program and anticipate that people involved in this group will find healing and growth.”

“First, it’s important to us

that you use the right term ...

Deaf, with the D capitalized.

This is a term that includes all levels of hearing,” explains Alan S Wilding, the president of the Idaho Association of the Deaf and co-director of the Idaho Deaf Youth Program.

Wilding explained some of the needs and history of such support from his perspective as a Deaf gay man.

“We all know that LGBT people have struggles with getting the help they need — counseling, support, safe housing, protection from the police, etc. Now compound that with being Deaf. And then throw in domestic violence or sexual abuse — Deaf LGBT people are often ignored by organizations that provide this support.

Historically, SLCAD has been

pretty supportive about this but Deaf LGBT members in the community a have often said they are not sure they won’t be judged or criticized if asking for help from SLCAD. With the current director, Stephanie Lowder Mathis, things have changed and they are doing a lot more than they have ever done in the past. And they’ve been reaching out to everyone.”

Mathis requests, “The community can help by doing the following: spread the word about this support group, inform friends and family who are Deaf and LGBTQ. We know that it is essential to have a safe space in order for healing to happen.”

SLCAD hopes to start the first of April through June 30th. Q More info can be found at slcad.org

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16 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Qmmunity OUR COMMUNITY’S BRIEFS

First Fridays and Third Thursdays with the Utah Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce The First Friday Social of the Utah Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce will be at Mid City Pub & Grill, located at 7101 S Bingham Junction Blvd, Midvale. Delicious food, watching your favorite sports in unique theater-style seating or enjoying DJs on the weekends. Food & beverages will be available for purchase. Bring your business cards for a great networking opportunity, and a chance to support this local community hangout. Everyone is invited and you may bring friends.

WHEN: Friday, March 3, 6–9pm WHERE: Mid City Pub & Grill, 7101 S. Bingham Junction Blvd, Midvale INFO: utahgaychamber.com The Chamber’s monthly Third Thursday Breakfast is at Even Stevens, a sandwich shop with a cause. For every sandwich they sell, they donate one to a local non-profit partner. Their Sugar House non-profit partners include the Utah AIDS Foundation, the Boys and Girls club of Sugarhouse, LIED Boys and Girls Club and Catholic Community Services.

Again, bring business cards, and be ready to network with fellow Chamber members.

WHEN: Thursday, March 16, 7:30–9:30am WHERE: Even Stevens, 2030 S 900 East INFO: utahgaychamber.com

Youth Futures SleepOut for Homeless Youth homelessness is not something new but it is something that needs to be talked about. Nationwide, homeless youth are at a higher risk of mental health problems, physical abuse, substance abuse, sexual exploitation and trafficking, suicide attempts and death. Causes for homelessness among this population tend to fall into three inter-related categories: family problems, financial crisis or residential instability. Reports state that unaccompanied children and youth are a population that appears to be particularly at risk of being unsheltered, with only chronically homeless individuals being more likely.

In our own backyard, an estimated 5,000 Utah youth experience homelessness for at least one night a year, many of them sleeping outside, in camps in the moun-

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

tains, in abandoned buildings, in places not meant for human habitation or in unsafe couch-surfing situations. #UTSleepOut2017 will be from 7pm to 7am Weber State University. This event will raise homeless youth awareness by giving participants an opportunity to be subjected to the adverse weather conditions experienced by many homeless youth. The event will raise awareness and help raise funds to benefit Youth Futures programs and services.

You may fundraise as an individual or team with a minimum of $250 per person.

Donations are also being taken online and can be assigned to a friend, family member or just a general donation.

WHEN: March 3–4, 7pm to 7am WHERE: Weber State University, 3848 Harrison Blvd, Ogden TICKETS: www.classy.org INFO: facebook.com/YouthFuturesUT

First Sunday Bingo with the Matrons of Mayhem Come check out the Matrons’ bingo balls and flirt with the Matrons while enjoying a wonderful brunch prepared by Jesse Dowhaniuk, then win fabulous prizes playing bingo with the “Gurls.” Brunch begins at 11am, Bingo at 1pm and Beer Church next door at Try-Angles after.

WHEN: Sunday, March 5, 11am–2pm WHERE: Off Trax, 259 W 900 S COST: Bingo cards are one card for $6 or two cards for $10.

Men Who Move discusses LGBT history The GBT men’s group, Men Who Move, will be discussing LGBT History of the 80’s and 90’s WHEN: Wednesday, March 29, 7–8:3pm WHERE: Sprague Library, 2131 S 1100 E INFO: facebook.com/groups/MWMSLC/

30% of hookup site members have participated in PNP Popular gay hookup site Squirt.org has found chemsex, also known as Party and Play, PNP, or drug-fueled sex, is prevalent with 30 percent of survey respondents admitting that they have engaged in the activity.

The study, which surveyed 22,248 Squirt. org members, also showed that despite widespread usage of illicit drugs during sex, only about 39 percent of respondents said they would consider engaging in chemsex while 61 percent said they would not.

Dr. Adam Bourne, a lecturer and researcher in chemsex at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, said that “Chemsex is something we have to remain vigilant about, but we also have to be wary of drawing simple conclusions without considering the right evidence. Only a small minority of gay men use drugs on a regular basis, and only a minority of those do so in a sexual context.”

“We wanted to provide our members very important information about chemsex within the gay and bisexual community,” said Attila Szatmari, digital business director for Pink Triangle Press, Squirt.org’s parent company. “We now have statistics from real people showing infrequent participation in chemsex, not this hyper-usage that seems to be reported in mainstream media.”

The Victorian AIDS Council recently called for greater awareness of the needs of LGBTI people within mainstream alcohol and other drug services, and increased fund-

ing for LGBTI-specific services.

“The reality is mainstream AOD services will continue to provide most of the treatment for LGBTI people, and those services do need greater awareness of LGBTI issues.

But a lot of people don’t feel comfortable accessing a mainstream service—we also need better funded LGBTI-specific services,” Bourne commented.

Squirt.org took on this survey with the intention to provide a safe place for its members to share. One survey section asked members about protection and recollection of their experience. When asked how much they remember from their chemsex encounters, 85.5 percent of respondents said they remembered everything to mostly everything and 10 percent said they recalled half of their experience and 4 percent said they remembered almost nothing. The remaining 0.5 percent recalled nothing of the experience. The survey also showed that during chemsex 51 percent of men did not use protection during anal sex and 93 percent did not use protection during oral sex.

The drug of choice for study participants was crystal meth (36 percent), followed by marijuana (19 percent), cocaine (13 percent), and MDMA, better known as ecstasy (11 percent).

Squirt.org is an uncensored hookup/ cruising site for gay, bi, and curious men who want to skip dating and get right to sex. Q Complete results of the study and a video outlining the results are available at squirt.org/press/chemsex.

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 17

March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

Boy Scouts welcomes trans boys

BY MIKKI ENOCH

Monday, January 30th, Boy Scouts of America announced that it will now accept transgender boys who wish to be scouts. President of the Great Salt Lake Area chapter, Bruce R. Hough, told the Fox 13 the organization is already inclusive of everyone.

“What a lot of people don’t realize about the Great Salt Lake Council, for example, is that over half the youth in this geographic area are not members of the LDS church or dominant faith in this community, and we reach out to all those youth,” said Hough. “So we are very inclusive.”

He said the transgender acceptance announcement is not a policy change, it’s a clarification.

For the last four years, Peter Brownstein has advocated for scouting to accept all children. He used to be a volunteer troop leader, sponsored by the United Jewish Federation. In 2013 he was kicked out of the BSA after he marched in a Gay Pride Parade with his son’s troop.

Brownstein said he still loves the pro-

gram and believes every child who wants to be a part of BSA should be allowed in.

With the recent transgender announcement, he said he sees progress. However, Brownstein asks “They will say, ‘ok we will accept or we will tolerate’ but the question is, when will they allow open inclusive diverse troops to be created within the program possibly outside the leadership of a specific religious organization,” Brownstein said. He clarifies “accept” as meaning providing training and tools to troops to ensure safety and support and contrasts “tolerate” to mean, we won’t ask but we won’t do anything to be aware either.

“We’ve always pretty much accepted up until last year that whatever a parent puts down as the gender of their child on their application is the gender of their child.

Last year when the courts were looking at this, we looked at the birth certificate, but even that isn’t a reliable source anymore because there are many states that are changing the rules on birth certificates and the like. The really simple answer was we just go back to the way we’ve been doing

it for a hundred years, which is the parent fills out an application and puts down the gender of their child that’s what we will accept.”

“What about when a child born a female, who later identifies as a boy wants to become a BSA member, how will you accept him?” Fox13 News asked of Hough.

“We are going to have a discussion with the parents if we even know,” replied Hough. “We may not ever know. But if we know and they want to have that discussion, then we will sit down with the parents and make sure we understand the best program for their child to participate in.”

Brownstein would love to hear answers to questions of safety, education and acceptance into scouting. Using the Jewish tradition of asking questions to promote growth and change, he feels that the answers we are hearing from BSA and the Utah council can guide parents in whether to allow their transgender child to enter scouting by openly stately how they will work to ensure safety as well as have leaders who are aware enough to deal with concerns that may arise as a transgender scout matures through the years. Q

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18 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | SPORTS

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

The address will be sent out to those who purchase tickets.

SATURDAY

PHOTO BY DAVID DANIELS

Ski-n-Swim is back for 2017 It’s that time of year to spend the weekend in the pool and on the slopes with the people of QUAC, the Queer Utah Aquatic Club. From February 24 through 26, the swimmers take over the Fairmont Aquatoc Center and ​Event schedule:

FRIDAY Polo Game This year the polo game will be at the University of Utah from 5–7 p.m. It will be pick-up polo, with seven players per team and as many teams as they can

form that day. They are looking to play until 6 then change out teams. They say the play is “fast and thrilling,” so they encourage you to enjoy a fun game or two. There is a $15 entrance fee to play which includes entrance to the pool and Ski-nSwim merchandise. There will be free spectator seating for those who want to watch the game and cheer on the players ​Opening Social At 7:30 p.m. there will be a house party where people can meet the team and leaders.

Swim Meet Hosted at the Northwest Recreation Center, 1255 Clark Avenue (300 North), check-in begins at 7:30 a.m., warm-ups start at 8, and competition starts at 9. Swim meet registration is $30. There will be no on-deck registration. If you want to cheer, seating in the bleachers is free.

Group Dinner Get your Saturday evening started at the Gallivan Ice Rink starting at 5 p.m. Skating is even more fun with costumes, wigs, hats and accessories, so don’t forget to wear some.

Dinner at the Judge Cafe will be served at 7:30pm. Tickets for the ice rink can be purchased in advance for $8.50 or $10 at the door. Dinner will be $25 and

book early because last year the dinner sold out. There will be a cash bar at the restaurant for drinks. The price includes one drink.

After Party At Club Try-Angles, 251 W. 9th South for dancing and patio area conversation. No cover charge for those attending the Ski-n-Swim.

SUNDAY Ski, Snowboard & Lunch This year they are heading back to Snowbird, king of snowfall for Utah resorts. Lunch will be served at the Cliff Lodge Superior Room, which will be available all day, then over to the Cliff Spa at the end of the day for a soak in the roof-top hot tub or for relaxation in the steam room and dry sauna.

Full day, skiing, lunch and spa is $130, or lunch and spa only for $50. Spa only is $20.

Tickets and info at ski-n-swim.org

SPORTS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 19

March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

outsports

Minn. TC Jacks influence grows far beyond its home

BY DAN WOOG

When you

grow up in Minnesota, you play hockey. If your family is “masculine and sports-oriented,” you play lots of other sports too.

Ryan Adams was a hockey player, a soccer goalkeeper and a varsity tennis star.

But, like so many gay men, he knew as young as 4 that he was different. He left the macho environment of hockey after Bantams, a level of youth hockey, and stopped playing soccer in high school.

Looking back into the haze of adolescence, Adams can’t even remember what year he quit. The mix of sexuality, sports and “a bit” of bullying was too much.

It did not help that for as long as he could remember, his father made anti-gay jokes. The effect was so strong that for a couple of years after coming out Adams could not even go to a Pride parade.

“I’ve evolved so much since then,” he says in wonderment. His family has too — including his dad.

Coming out was complicated. Adams had a full military ride to a ROTC program at a Catholic college, ranking third among 46 cadets. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was still in effect. The Air Force was overstaffed though, so he was allowed to leave without paying back his tuition.

Exploring the gay world online, Adams found a new life in Nashville. It was a big, important change. But at 21 he moved back to Minneapolis, and began living his life openly and proudly.

He found a Facebook group of LGBT people involved in social and athletic activities like bowling and raising money for AIDS causes. When he learned of a coed LGBT soccer team — and heard about the Gay Games and World Outgames — he realized what he’d been missing. The young man who had been turned off by the sports world wanted back in.

The Twin Cities Jacks became a major part of Adams’ life. Founded in 2007, they’re the only LGBT soccer club in Minnesota. They field teams in local, national

and international tournaments; host social outings for LGBT fans; promote the game, and educate other soccer organization about homophobia in sports. Players of all skill levels are welcome. Allies are encouraged too.

Adams, who had earned a master’s degree in sports management and now works full time for a college marketing organization, rose quickly through the volunteer ranks. “I wanted everyone to have a chance to live healthy lives, and make friends,” he says.

He notes that despite increasing openness, “we’re still in an era when a gay adult may be playing sports for the first time in their life, or be out as an athlete for the first time. Lifting that emotional burden is so important. It’s amazing to play a sport as exactly the person you are.” What was once a “hindrance” for many, he says, “now draws us together.”

That sense of fulfillment and camaraderie has opened many eyes. TC Jacks’ outreach to allies has helped straight soccer players experience the world in a new way. A lawyer and his wife who moved to Minnesota from rural Iowa had known only one gay person ever. But they found the Jacks, and became passionate, devoted friends of the LGBT community.

The Jacks use their popularity to influence the broader soccer world. Minnesota United FC begins play in Major League Soccer this year. The Jacks are helping team officials become “socially responsible” — beyond simply sponsoring one Pride Night a year — and have engaged

supporters groups too. “They’re incredibly LGBT friendly,” Adams says.

Beyond the Twin Cities, Adams has taken on leadership roles too. He served the International Lesbian & Gay Football Association in an interim role, and has begun a soft launch for an organization called US LGBT Soccer.

The goal for that group is to offer a home for LGBT players, coaches, administrators and fans around the country. A unified organization can provide a national association for clubs; offer resources and best practices, so that new teams and leagues do not have to reinvent the soccer wheel; tie together LGBT supporter groups of professional clubs; recruit, train and aid LGBT referees; partner with pro leagues to combat homophobia — and create an LGBT national team to represent the United States in foreign tournaments.

There are not many sports with such outreach to all members of their community. There are not many team sports with such global appeal as soccer, either. There are not many people with the energy and vision of Ryan Adams.

But there are plenty of Ryan Adamses in the LGBT sports world — men and women who understand the power of athletics to provide community, competition and fun to everyone, in a healthy, open and affirming environment. As a new year dawns, their work endures.

Dan Woog is a journalist, educator, soccer coach and gay activist. His latest book is “We Kick Balls: True Stories from the Youth Soccer Wars.” He can be reached at OutField@ qsyndicate.com.

20 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

views

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

quotes “For I was hungry and you said, “Drug test those who would ask for food.”

I was thirsty and you said, “Oil and money for us is more important than water for them. Build the pipeline.”

I was a stranger and you said, “He could be a terrorist.

Don’t let him in.”

I was sick and you said, “Take away her health insurance.”

I was in prison and you said, “Those people disgust me.

We should bring back the death penalty.”

Truly I tell you, whatever you did to one of the least of these, you did to me.

Matthew 25:35-36 (Author Unknown)

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 21

March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

guest editorial

5 reasons for liberal hope in the Trump era

BY TOM KRATTENMAKER

At the

dawn of the Trump presidency, to be a progressive is to feel buried under an avalanche of wrong: the shocking election of an unqualified, undignified man to the White House, the unjust repudiation of an admirable Obama presidency and a period of substantial progress; a seeming victory for bigotry, nationalism, and ignorance.

Hope is hard to find. Yet hope is needed for people to carry on. The good news for true-blue progressives is that there are real reasons for hope in this time of fear and loathing, including the following five:

Demography Despite all that went haywire in the November election, the underlying demographic trends remain — and they bode well for progressives. Even if the Trump administration brought all immigration to a halt today, Americans will continue to become more diverse in terms of race, religion, and other characteristics.

To the extent that today’s progressive movement is fueled by diversity and people’s growing comfort with it, the winds are blowing in progressives’ favor. Age, too, is a factor in this dynamic. Data show that the millennial generation is more diverse and, among whites, more at ease with diversity than older generations. As the members of this younger generation age, those progressive values will follow them to mainstream status. Or so the theory goes.

Trump phenomenon has little to sustain it Donald Trump’s ascent to the White House is a phenomenon with the markings of a one-and-done. It revolves around a singular celebrity personality. Distinct from the Republican party, which sports organizational strength at the local, state, and national levels — and which the new president flouted all the way to the top — “Trumpism” has almost nothing going for it by way an infrastructure or movement. Its Electoral College success came despite Trump finishing nearly 3 million votes behind an unexciting Democratic opponent burdened by decades’ worth of accumulated baggage.

In view of all this, and the fact that the white Christians who propelled Trump to office move deeper into minority status with each passing day, Trumpism is an “-ism” with a bleak long-term future.

Barring apartheid-light voter suppression or Democratic and progressive incompetence of epic proportions, it seems more than possible that future generations will see the 2016 election as the last hurrah for once-dominant American identity running on its final fumes.

MAKING LGBT AMERICA

HOPE AGAIN

GOP will bear the burden of governing Is there more to Trump than bluster and hot air? Does the conservative GOP have something to offer beyond grievance and empty rhetoric? We are in the early stages of finding out. And if progressives are more right than wrong in their understanding the world, the answers could turn many voters against conservatives for a long time to come.

Exhibit A: health care. Confusion and national grumpiness about the Affordable Care Act have provided Republicans with endless political benefits. As many a quipster has noted, Trump and the GOP are like the dog that catches up with the car it’s been chasing: What do they do now?

Lest they go down as the party that took health care away from tens of millions of Americans, leaving many to die prematurely for lack of prompt and high quality care, they have to accomplish something they show little sign of being able to do: go beyond simplistic talking points and master an incredibly complex political and public policy challenge.

Good luck with that, GOP. And good luck answering to voters if you fail.

Progressive movement energized It’s striking to hear so little “I’m-moving-to-Canada” nonsense from progressives post-election. Instead we find a grim determination to stay, and fight.

Obviously, this can go too far. Progressives would be foolish not to lend support if the Trump administration brings forward sensible policies that benefit people.

But with so many progressive values and constituents under threat, a fighting spirit is what this moment requires — and what we see.

Take, for instance, the effort to flood Congress members’ offices with calls of concern about health care repeal. And the women’s march on Saturday, already being described as the biggest inauguration protest ever.

As the punk icon John Lydon famously sang, “Anger is an energy.” So is anxiety.

There’s been plenty of both right now. The task is to channel them productively and sustainably.

All is not lost Fueling progressive angst is the imminent undoing of the accomplishments and legacy of the widely admired outgoing president. But comfort can be found in knowing that an African-American named Barack Hussein Obama was elected president twice, and that he comported himself with dignity, discipline and class during his eight years in the White House.

Yes, that happened. As did society’s growing inclusion of many Americans who had long been excluded. Even if Trump and the GOP Congress are able to roll it all back, this progress will remain indelibly etched in the nation’s history.

“Yes we can, yes we did,” Obama declared in his farewell speech. And as progressives ought to remind themselves, yes we can again, whatever havoc this next administration might wreak. Q Tom Krattenmaker is a writer specializing in religion in public life and communications director at Yale Divinity School. His new book is titled “Confessions of a Secular Jesus Follower.”

22 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

lambda lore

Kathy Worthington On Feb.

BY BEN WILLIAMS

25, 2007, I wrote in my journal, “What horribly sad news. Michael Aaron called me tonight from the Utah AIDS Foundation Oscar Night to tell me that Kathy Worthington had died.” I went to my email immediately and saw that her family had posted a message: “Dear Kathy’s List readers, friends and acquaintances, We are writing to inform you all that Kathy Worthington passed away a few days ago. Kathy’s life touched many, so many that we are already overwhelmed by the number of those who looked up to, appreciated, and loved her.” Then I wrote also that day, “What a blow to our community.”

I had just sent an email, [yes the days before Facebook], to Kathy on the 22nd to let her know I was thinking of her and Sara Hamblin, as the 21st was the first anniversary of Sara’s passing. Little did I know that Kathy had taken her life that day not wishing to live any longer without the love of her life, Sara and probably never read my message.

Worthington’s personal life was filled with tragedy. Her father was murdered in 1984 in St. George and her brother, Richard, committed suicide at Ely State Prison in Nevada in 1993. He had been convicted of storming Alta View Hospital taking eight people hostage and killing a nurse in 1991. Her recent losses were a brother who died of cancer in 2000, her mother who died in 2005 and her wife Sara Hamlin in 2006, also from cancer.

With all the personal tragedy, Worthington was a powerhouse to say the least and was a “mover and shaker” in the community from the moment she came out in 1989 as a gay woman, the term she preferred.

Kathy was born Oct. 20, 1950 in Salt Lake City and grew up in a true believing Mormon family. She was active in her church until her teenage years when the church’s racism and patriarchy disturbed her so much that she decided to leave the faith. Friction with her father over the LDS Church became intolerable and she left home in 1969 at the age of 18.

Kathy went to Mexico in 1972 to study Spanish and while there married and had two daughters. Kathy busied herself helping to build a community for the poor in Mexico and taught English there for three years.

She had been completely non-religious since 1969, and in 1979 Kathy formally re-

signed from the LDS church. The church had worked very hard to keep the Equal Rights Amendment from being adopted nationally and Kathy had become a feminist.

In those years one couldn’t just resign from the church. One had to ask to be excommunicated. She thought there was something intrinsically wrong with the church’s refusal to let a person resign, and in the late 1990’s she created a website, “Mormon No More,” to help people get their names removed from the records without being excommunicated.

Kathy helped thousands of gay people and many of her supporters resigned from the LDS church because of anger over the church’s anti-gay crusades in Hawaii, Alaska and California. Beginning in the mid-1990’s, the church focused its attention on the issue of same-sex marriage and, in 1999, was heavily involved in California’s Proposition 22, which defined marriage as only between a man and a woman. Kathy was one of the leading opponents to the church’s involvement that passed in 2000.

Kathy once told a reporter, “When I figured out that loving women was an option for me (after years of no relationships at all), it was not difficult the way it would have been if I’d still been a member of the church.

Coming out and becoming part of Salt Lake’s gay community was a pretty smooth transition for me. I had discovered a whole new community and a new way of life. I loved it.”

When Kathy came out she organized women’s social and support groups, planned political rallies and was on the board of the Utah Stonewall Center in its early days. She founded the Womyn’s Community Newsletter in April of 1991, out of her own pocket, which was published for four years. One cannot overstate the influence this publication played in creating a cohesive lesbian community in Utah 25 years ago.

In 1992, Kathy met and fell in love with Sara Hamblin, who had been her partner for 14 years. Hamblin was Kathy’s “wife, life partner and best friend.” The couple participated in political rallies, protests, and were involved in the Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah as well serving on many committees such as Gay Pride Day. Kathy and Sara were married at “The Wedding,” which was the huge group union cere-

mony performed at the March on Washington for Lesbian, Gay, and Bi Equal Rights and Liberation. Kathy and Sara were legally married in Canada in 2003, but both passed away before witnessing the Supreme Court ruling on Marriage Equality. In their 14 years together they traveled widely, visiting 17 countries, as well as much of the United States.

Sara was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1995. “They immediately became experts on the disease. Through their studies and determination, they successfully fought off the disease for 11 years.”

Kathy worked for the United States Postal Service since 1986 until her death. In 1997, two years after Sara was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, Kathy fought the U.S. Postal Service to be allowed to take open-ended leave to care for Sara under the 1993 Family and Medical Leave Act. Her request was denied twice, but she tried one more time and won approval. Kathy was granted leave in May of 1997 to care for Sara during her cancer treatments: “a highly celebrated victory for the Gay community.” Then she battled the hospital that refused to name her as Sara’s “spouse” and won.

Unfortunately, Sara died Feb. 21, 2006.

Kathy was devastated and wrote on her Kathy’s List web page, “Now, friends and family are helping me get through the days as I work to adjust to life without Sara.”

After losing her sweetheart, Kathy had fallen into a deep depression, stopped participating in the community and let her friends “fall by the wayside.” She took her own life a year and a day after Sara died and their ashes were mingled together as they wished.

Those who knew Kathy best describe her as “amazing, vibrant, compassionate, good and gentle,” “a good soul,” a “courageous and fearless leader,” and full of life.

Kathy was 56 years old, and the good she did in this world is still prevalent 10 years after her passing. She was a “persistent” woman. Q

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March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

creep of the month

Milo Yiannopoulos

BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI

We’re all

about free speech here in America.

Well, kind of. So let me amend that: We like to think we’re all about free speech here in America. As a friend put it, “I’m proud to live in a country where Donald Trump can say the things he says, but I’m ashamed to live in a country that, after hearing those things, elected him president.”

But he is. President. As disgusting as that is. And he, like a lot of racists and bigots, says a lot of terrible things under the guise of “free speech.” But he, like many others with hateful ideologies, seems to think that his words don’t warrant scrutiny or consequences. But that’s not how this whole free speech thing works.

Which brings me to Milo Yiannopoulos, who is, essentially, a professional hate-tumor. He’s young, handsome, white, and gay and says super outrageous hateful shit.

And conservatives love him. College conservative groups love to invite him to come spew invective at their campuses across the country.

And that hasn’t been going very well lately. He was slated to speak at UC Berkley on Feb. 1 but protests, during which some protesters became violent, forced the school to cancel.

Now, if you’re a Republican, you’ll likely point to the violence (broken windows and fire at a Bank of America, for example) and dismiss the reason for the protest all together while also bemoaning the loss of respect for “free speech.”

But here’s the thing. “Free speech” doesn’t mean that organizations or institutions have to give you a platform to amplify your voice. Especially when you are basically a hateful dick sneeze.

You don’t have to do much digging to find racist and sexist shit Yiannopoulos has said. But a very good example is a speech he gave at the University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee in December of 2016 where he showed the crowd the name and photo

of a specific transgender student at the school and proceeded to mock her. “He got into the women’s room the way liberals always operate, using the government and the courts to weasel their way where they don’t belong,” Yiannopoulos said. He then declared that this student wasn’t succeeding in being a “passing tranny.”

“The way that you know he’s failing is I’d almost still bang him,” Yiannopoulos said, purposefully using the incorrect pronouns.

His argument, essentially, is that this student was a threat to women on campus because she was trans and used the same locker rooms. Not exactly a new argument from the right, but this time it was, literally, personal.

Imagine that you are this student for a minute. Well, actually, let’s look at her words: “I did not anticipate being specifically targeted and called out in the way he did. I hadn’t said anything or made even the slightest disruption: he had his harassment of me planned out well in advance,” she wrote in a letter to the school’s Chancellor. “I have never, ever, ever been more terrified in my life of being outed. Ever.”

Nope. Free speech doesn’t mean that you get a free pass to terrorize a trans student on campus because you happen to have a “differing viewpoint” about whether her life is worth anything or not.

Free speech is a fundamental right, sure, but the fact that student conservative and Republican groups are paying Yiannopoulos to spew his fascist garbage says an awful lot about what it means to be a conservative Republican these days. And by the looks of the protests against not just Yiannopoulos but also against Donald Trump, Americans will choose equality and justice over those who speak out against them. Q D’Anne Witkowski is a poet, writer and comedian living in Michigan with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBT politics for over a decade. Follow her on Twitter @MamaDWitkowski.

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24 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

guest editorial

6 Reasons our community needs to stop being A-holes to one another

BY MIKEY ROX

If you’re

gay — a gay man, specifically (because that’s all the experience I have) — you know how catty we can be to one another. You’re trying to have a drama-free evening at your local bar and then — bang! — some queen throws you shade for no good reason. Insults (and sometimes wigs) fly, and before you know it yet another homo has ruined an otherwise low-key evening with her sass. I’m over it, and so are you, and these are the reasons we need to stop the bitchery in its tracks.

Your parents 1. probably didn’t raise you to be a jackass

I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m willing to bet that if you’re an asshole your parents weren’t exactly committed to bringing you up that way. For argument’s sake, I expect they wanted the best for you, for you to get a good education and pursue your passions, and to practice politeness and respect with everyone

you meet. But somewhere along the line you said “fuck it all” and turned your repressed sexuality into anger that you dole out on an at-will basis. Not cute. Maybe it got a good chuckle when you were in your late teens and early 20s, but that act gets old after awhile (this advice comes from experience, mind you; I’m a work in progress), and by the time you’re my age — 35 — people are fed up with your juvenile antics.

Just be nicer, K? Because you never know when you’ll meet the wrong person who will pick you up like a ragdoll and throw you across a bar because your mouth is too big. (This advice also comes from experience.)

2.

You’ll attract more bees with honey than vinegar

Lamenting the fact that you’re always single? Maybe it has to do with your prickly personality. If you have a knack for being negative, it’s hardly a wonder why nobody wants to be around you. It’s easy to be a pessimist in this world, sure, but if you look

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for the good, you’ll find it. Open your eyes.

are fun to 3. Pricks fuck, not date

I’m a firecracker — everyone I know will tell you that. A stereotypical ginge with Irish lineage who has a quick temper and a penchant for too much alcohol. I’m also really good in bed. But while my black book isn’t lacking in return visitors, my dating career — and my marriage — has been plagued with disappointment, hurt feelings and tears. Lots of tears.

I’m currently in the middle of a divorce — which, thankfully, is amicable now — and I’m dating someone new. After eight years of being unhappy with my husband (we’re both to blame) and a couple ill-fated long-term relationships before that, I think I’ve finally learned how to be at peace with myself and my partner. With age comes wisdom, they say, and I’ve learned from my mistakes. Granted, cutting back on my alcohol intake also has contributed to this success — but, hey, whatever works.

not as right as you 4. You’re think you are all the time

I’m starting to recognize that this edition of my column isn’t making me look very good, but I’m nothing if I’m not honest.

Alas, I’m a know-it-all, and that really ticks people off. The difference between me and you, though, is that I’m always right when I think I’m right — I won’t argue anything I’m unsure about — and you just think you’re right.

I don’t know what burns people up more — people like me who are always right or people like you who will argue to the death about how right they are even

though they’re wrong. Either way, we both should cut it out so we don’t die alone.

isn’t a 5. Hypocrisy good color on you

As a community, we collectively wag our fingers at gay Republicans because they’re basically Benedict Arnold with Botox, but there’s plenty we need to reconcile on our side of the fence. Like how we treat different races and sexual identities. I mean, come on — are you, preacher of civil liberties, protester of oppression, really being a racist right now? If I hear, “Everyone except Asians” one more time from a fag, I’m gonna shove a pair of chopsticks right up his ass. Then there’s the side-eye many give to bisexuals just because you don’t “believe” in it. That logic sounds eerily similar to the “Christians” who want you to shut the hell up.

Who are any of us to judge? Just mind ya business.

While we basked in 6. our civil victories, a new war emerged

If I had to choose a solitary reason why we all need to get along, it’s that our protections and civil liberties are in grave danger under Führer Trump.

This administration is bad news for many Americans, the LGBT community included. Which is why we need to band together and rise up — we’ve done it several times before — to let our fellow citizens know that we’ll take a lot of things lying down, but we won’t accept whatever bullshit they have in store over the next four years. March, call your representatives, hold rallies and continue to exercise your right vote to help change the tide, or at least keep it from coming in full force, poised to drown us out. Q Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox.

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 25

March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

who’s your daddy

Every girl crazy ’bout a sharp-dressed man

BY CHRISTOPHER KATIS

So far,

having a teenager living under our roof has been a wild ride — and we’re less than a year into it. There are mood swings. There are crazy bursts of energy. There are crazier amounts of food. And it’s only going to get worse.

There are, however some advantages. He showers far more regularly than when he was a little kid, he’s far more interested in his appearance, and he’s discovered a newfound interest in his wardrobe. I have to admit that last one is a welcome surprise.

When the boys were toddlers and had no say in what they wore, they were the best dressed kids at the preschool. Come one, they have two dads, of course they would be styling! But when Gus started to notice what the other kids were wearing, he wanted to follow suit — no pun intended. And monkey see, monkey do, his little brother joined him.

Our only saving grace was when they attended parochial school for four years. I loved the ease and style of school uniforms.

On full dress days it was blue slacks with a pressed white Oxford shirt and a sharp-looking tie. The rest of the week it was those same blue slacks paired with a crisp polo.

Hearing that their new charter school decided against uniforms nearly made me burst into tears. And for good reason. Once they had freedom of will in choosing their clothes, we kissed nice slacks and pressed white shirts goodbye. They were replaced with shiny, over-sized basketball shorts

made out of some sort of material that was a byproduct of some weapon of mass destruction, no doubt, and pre-teen hip silk-screened T-shirts.

Niko copied his brother’s “look” immediately. He added his own flair, however by choosing mismatched tube socks, which he yanked far above his knees. Ironically, he claimed to hate wearing long pants, but every inch of his body below the waist was always covered.

The only time they’d wear “nice” clothes was to church. Every other minute of their lives it was those damned basketball shorts and T-shirts, I’d have to beg, threaten or bribe them to wear something more stylish for the holidays. It’s not like I was being a hypocrite.

When I was a kid I dressed pretty much like I do today — slacks and button down Oxford shirts. Seriously, I was born preppy.

But something changed this year that has set my kids on the right path. I’m pretty sure that some girl must be involved (gross, I know!), but Gus decided that he wanted to up his wardrobe game.

Those shorts gave way to stylish pants.

T-shirts disappeared in favor of attractive, cotton shirts. And on Sundays he raids my closet for dress shirts and complementary ties since we wear just about the same size now.

It’s rewarding to see him start recognizing that clothes indeed can make the man.

I’m glad to see he’s becoming comfortable rocking a suit and tie — it’s an attitude that will serve him well in adulthood.

And to his credit, when it comes to wardrobe makeover, Gus is making the most of having gay dads. Nearly every morning he comes running in to ask if this shirt goes well with these pants. I’d like to take credit for that, but I think he realizes the ladies are noticing. On more than one occasion he’s mentioned that this girl or that one complimented him on his outfit.

Of course that should come as no surprise. After all, like ZZ Top always says, “Every girl crazy ’bout a sharp-dressed man!” Q

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26 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | HOPE

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

DUSTIN LANCE BLACK MAKING LGBT AMERICA

HOPE AGAIN

Dustin Lance Black on his first time as an activist, the power of collective protesting and changing hearts with ‘When We Rise’

With an

emotionally resonant acceptance speech, Dustin Lance Black accepted the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay in 2009 for Milk, a powerful tribute to gay political hero Harvey Milk. Could an Emmy be next?

It’s possible, even if the 42-year-old Sacramento native is too modest to admit that his latest screen ambition, When We Rise, the accomplished filmmaker’s tremendous seven-part undertaking chronicling the progressive uprising of the ’60s and ’70s, is certainly golden statue-worthy. Partly inspired by LGBT rights activist Cleve Jones’ memoir, When We Rise: My Life in the Movement, the miniseries sheds light on our foremothers and -fathers who raised hell — working to combat misogyny, homophobia and racism — to create a changed world for future generations of, as the show declares, “others.”

“With this show, I measure success by whether I get a phone call from one of my Southern family members who have never talked about being gay,” Black says.

“When that happens, and that conversation is started, it will have succeeded.”

And should that conversation stretch beyond Black’s own parochial loved ones, its influence could be life-changing for those in the queer population who now find themselves trying to resist the

oppression of Trump’s America.

For that reason, When We Rise is shockingly relevant, especially considering its half-century-old history isn’t just history — it’s our current reality.

During this intimate conversation with Black, the filmmaker gets candid about the beginning of his activism at age 7, the importance of “we” in any resistance movement, and how sharing a story is the first step in changing a mind.

Tell me how this miniseries ended up on a commercial network like ABC. This project started for me four years ago, when I heard a rumor that ABC was looking at optioning LGBT history properties, and I called my agent and was like, “Is that true?” Just four years before, I had to charge the development cost of Milk on my credit card because no one wanted to pay for it — no one was interested! So, I had my agent book a meeting with the powers that be at ABC, to look them in the eye and see if it was true — and it was. The funny thing is, they said, “We can’t afford you, but who do you think would be good to write and create something PHOTO COURTESY OF ABC

HOPE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 27

March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

between these two Americas, and perhaps change hearts and minds in a time when that seems absolutely, critically necessary.

Did you go to the recent Women’s March? And having shot a similar march for “When We Rise,” did it feel like history repeating itself? I’m living in London, and we certainly walked through Trafalgar Square, which was jammed with thousands of people.

I have to say, I’ve heard the rallying cry at many marches that says, “Gay, straight, black, white, same struggle, same fight.” But usually it’s either mostly black and a little white, or mostly gay and maybe a few straight, even though we chant that chant. This is the first time it truly seemed gay, straight, black, white. It was diverse. And that was, frankly, heartening.

The reason I designed this show the way I designed it was because four years ago, I was concerned that social justice movements were becoming incredibly myopic and self-interested, forgetting that we need to work together if we’re gonna get anywhere. Not understanding the intersections of our movements, losing sight of where those intersections are, and certainly forgetting the great power that we can gain by working together. So, I was worried. We were becoming divided, and it’s why I insisted when designing the show that I find real people who came from other movements, not just the LGBT movement — people who came from the women’s movement, the black civil rights movement, the peace movement, and the series eventually touches on immigration and healthcare.

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like this?” and I just laughed (laughs). Like, come on!

So, I thought, “Boy, this is an incredible opportunity to tell our LGBT story, or a part of our LGBT story, and not be preaching directly to the choir.” I had other networks that had been interested for a long time in something of this nature, and I thought, “They’re gonna spend more money, they’re gonna give me all the time in the world, it’ll be a great experience and we’ll get it absolutely right … and we’re gonna turn around and preach directly to the choir and we might not change a single mind.”

Here, I had a chance to tell our stories on the network that I watched as a kid, because as a kid, I grew up in the South, I grew up in the military, I grew up in a conservative home, in a Christian home, and we trusted ABC because ABC told family stories. I thought, “Well, here’s a chance to finally be able to tell the story of my LGBT family to my actual family,” and that’s what I set out to do. That’s why I think it’s remarkable that it’s on ABC. We’ve come to a place where we can perhaps talk the same language of family

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28 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | HOPE

“we.” It’s why I told ABC right from the beginning when we designed the title: “We” has to be the biggest word in it. It’s a word we’ve forgotten, and it’s the answer to beating back a backlash. The key is that we have to struggle together. So, I was heartened, frankly, by the diversity I saw, not just in the march that I was physically present for here in London, but the ones I paid careful attention to on TV and online.

It gives me a little bit of hope.

When We Rise touches on this glancingly, but I want to remind gay men that the Gay Liberation Front [of 1969] started as a group of men who were feminists because feminism says loud and clear that “gender ought not determine destiny,” and that means one thing to women, but it certainly means that gay men ought to be able to love who they love regardless of gender. So, gay men need to examine why we haven’t been more vocally feminist.

How was the idea for “When We Rise” first conceived? I toyed with the idea for a long time. After Milk was over, I started to think about other stories that need to be told, and I’m doing other LGBT-themed history projects, but I always wondered, “Was there something bigger, and how would I go about doing that?” As I met people — activists — along the way, I would sort of catalog their names in my head in case I ever got the chance to do something like this, and it was ABC saying they would actually pay for a year of research to really figure out who to depict that set it in motion.

So, it was always something I wanted to do, and I thought ABC was the right home for it. So then, at great personal expense, I set out on a journey. Let me just say nobody made any money off this thing.

If anything, my poor agent and business manager were sweating it as we got it to year four.

You have Rachel Griffiths, Mary-Louise Parker and Guy Pearce, and then a terrific cast playing them in their youth. How did the casting process work for this? Did you have any of these actors in mind while researching the real-life person they’re playing? I never think about who will play the parts while I’m writing if it’s based on a true story because I’m working so hard to get the real people right. Certainly, by the time I was writing the finale, I started brainstorming, and I had one dream for [lesbian women’s rights activist] Roma Guy and that was Mary-Louise Parker, and

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

I had one dream for Cleve Jones and that was Guy Pearce.

Then, I got this very emotional, beautiful phone call from Michael K. Williams [who plays Ken Jones, African-American community organizer] while I was at the airport scouting locations in San Francisco. He told me how personally meaningful the scripts were to him, and he talked about the people he lost — his friends and fellow artists in New York — when he was growing up, and I could just tell it was coming from a very personal place, so you can’t beat that personal connection.

The young cast — we went out searching, and we just wanted to cast the very best people. [Transgender civil rights leader] Cecilia Chung was a really interesting one to me. I had said to my casting director that I only wanted to cast trans actors and actresses in the show to play the trans roles, and they brought up Ivory [Aquino] to play Cecilia Chung. I got a little upset with him and said, “You know, I told you it’s important we make an effort and cast trans actors and actresses for these roles,” and he said, “We think you need to get on the phone with Ivory,” and Ivory came out to me as trans on the phone call. She’s now come out to the world.

Why was it important for you to include actual trans actors in the trans roles? First and foremost, when I’m casting any role, I’m gonna look for somebody who can bring a part of their experience to the role.

They still have to be a great actor, so if I can’t find anyone in the world who shares some experience that they’re about to

portray in this character, who’s also a good actor, then I’ll happily go for someone else.

And the big surprise is, it was not hard to find amazing trans actors and actresses to play these parts. What was difficult was deciding who to cast because so many great tapes came in. So, I call bullshit on Hollywood if they say it’s difficult. And if they think it’s difficult, then they should call our casting directors because they found unbelievable trans actors and actresses, and it was actually tough to decide who to cast.

I think people have the impression it is difficult based on what they’ve heard from directors and casting agents, so this is refreshing to hear. It’s not true. I’ll tell you what was difficult: Years ago, it was difficult to find openly gay actors to play openly gay roles — that was difficult. When we were doing Milk, that’s what we said we wanted to do, and the studio gave us full permission to do that. So, we called agents and manager friends and they all said they didn’t have any gay actors or actresses, which is funny since I knew some of their clients were gay! (Laughs) It was very frustrating, but thankfully that’s begun to change as well, particularly in this young generation of actors and actresses who, in one way or another, have come out on social media when they were kids and there’s no putting them back in the closet in today’s social-media age.

An interesting tidbit to share is, they also worked incredibly hard with the real people when that was possible. For both the young cast and the old cast, on my own PHOTO COURTESY OF ABC

HOPE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 29

March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

dime, I flew up the real people to wherever we were shooting so they could be there to work with the costume department, the set design department and the actors, just to make sure we were as close to truthful as possible.

Do you remember the first time you stood up for something you believed in? (Ponders) My mom was paralyzed from polio since she was seven years old. She had the use of her arms, but that was about it. So, I grew up with a severely disabled mom, and I didn’t quite know that or realize that until I was probably seven years old, somewhere in the early years of elementary school when we started having to be out in public with strangers. The way they looked at her and the way they treated her, it ate at me.

I was an incredibly shy kid.

I rarely said a word in school.

But there was this student named Anthony who was severely mentally disabled, and he would get bullied constantly. I remember the time I finally stood up for him. I was very afraid, because I was a tiny little thing (laughs). And I remember trembling, but the bullies backed down. I told that story to my mom, and my mom looked me in the eyes and said, “You have a strong sense of justice — where does that come from?” And the answer is pretty obvious: I was hiding a pretty big difference of my own, and I knew at that point that I had crushes on my guy friends and not the girls in school. Certainly, having watched my mom being treated so differently because of her difference, those sorts of moments of witness instilled a sense of justice in me.

And now you are one of our most recognized activists. Well, your job’s incredibly important right now. I can’t overstate how much we depend on journalists right now to stand up for the

truth, so good on you.

We both tell stories about LGBT people, and I imagine, like me, you hope that non-queers see your work and come away with a sense of just ... humanity. That’s the key, isn’t it?

Listen, this show is for ABC. As a kid who grew up watching ABC in the South in a Christian, military home I knew I could show up at the dinner table with all the laws and facts and science I wanted and I wouldn’t change a single mind.

You want to change a mind in that other America? You gotta lead from the heart, and you do that by telling stories, not by arguing facts or the Constitution.

So, that’s what I came armed with for When We Rise. I went out and did my best to find true stories — in particular, stories of families, because the family story transcends these two Americas. There’s not a lot we think we have in common right now, but both Americas have family stories, and we can both be moved by each other’s family stories. That’s why I mine family stories: the families we lost when so many of us were outed or came out, the makeshift families we had to build to survive, and eventually the families we were able to build and raise.

So, by that design, you tell an emotional story, you can change a heart; if you can change a heart, you can change a mind; you change a mind, you can change the law. But it goes in that order, and so this is the first step of that. Let’s try and change some hearts. Q As editor of Q Syndicate, Chris Azzopardi has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. Reach him at chris-azzopardi.com and on Twitter, @chrisazzopardi.

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Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

HARVEY M ILK MAKING LGBT AMERICA

HOPE AGAIN

Harvey

Milk, gay activist and human rights leader, was one of the first openly gay elected officials in the world. The transformation of many societies in their attitudes not only to gay people, but to women, to people of different race, to people with disabilities, have all come about mainly through civic activism and democratic debate. Democracy has been a pathway to freedom for women and minorities around the world. In the extracts from his speech given after his election Harvey Milk reminds us that democracy is, ultimately, about hope.

While he talks here about electing gay people to office, his words ring true today

abouit being involved at every level to give us all hope.

SAN FRANCISCO 1978 “Gay people have been slandered nationwide. We’ve been tarred and we’ve been brushed with the picture of pornography. In Dade County, we were accused of child molestation.

It’s not enough any more just to have friends represent us.

No matter how good that friend may be. The black community made up its mind to that a long time ago. That the myths against blacks can only be dispelled by electing black leaders, so the black community could be judged by the leaders and not by the myths or black criminals. The Spanish community must not be judged by Latin criminals or

myths. The Asian community must not be judged by Asian criminals or myths. The Italian community must not be judged by the mafia or myths. And the time has come when the gay community must not be judged by our criminals and myths.

Like every other group, we must be judged by our leaders and by those who are themselves gay, those who are visible. For invisible, we remain in limbo–a myth, a person with no parents, no brothers, no sisters, no friends who are straight, no important positions in employment. A tenth of the nation supposedly composed of stereotypes and would-be seducers of children–and no offence meant to the stereotypes. But today, the black community is not judged by its friends, but by its black legislators and leaders.

And we must give people the chance to judge us by our leaders and legislators. A gay person in office can set a tone, can command respect not only from the larger community, but from the young people in our own community who need both examples and hope….

I can’t forget the looks on faces of people who’ve lost hope. Be they gay, be they seniors, be they blacks looking for an almost-impossible job, be they Latins trying to explain their problems and aspirations in a tongue that’s foreign to them. I personally will never forget that people are more important than buildings. I use the word “I” because I’m proud. I stand here tonight in front of my gay sisters, brothers and friends because I’m proud of you. I think it’s time that we have many legislators who are gay and proud of that fact and do not have to remain in the closet. … in San Francisco, three days before Gay Pride Day, a person was killed just because he was gay. And that night, I walked among the sad and the

frustrated at City Hall in San Francisco and later that night as they lit candles on Castro Street and stood in silence, reaching out for some symbolic thing that would give them hope. These were strong people, whose faces I knew from the shop, the streets, meetings and people who I never saw before but I knew. They were strong, but even they needed hope.

And the young gay people in the Altoona, Pennsylvanias and the Richmond, Minnesotas who are coming out … The only thing they have to look forward to is hope. And you have to give them hope. Hope for a better world, hope for a better tomorrow, hope for a better place to come to if the

pressures at home are too great.

Hope that all will be all right.

Without hope, not only gays, but the blacks, the seniors, the handicapped, the us’es, the us’es will give up. And if you help elect to the central committee and other offices, more gay people, that gives a green light to all who feel disenfranchised, a green light to move forward. It means hope to a nation that has given up, because if a gay person makes it, the doors are open to everyone.

So if there is a message I have to give, it is that I’ve found one overriding thing about my personal election, it’s the fact that if a gay person can be elected, it’s a green light.

And you and you and you, you have to give people hope.” Q

32 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

The Gay Agenda

BY TONY HOBDAY

CONCERTS On Tuesdays ariana hunt for a taco grande like me? If so, like me on Wednesday mornings, ariana the commode waiting for a grande San Francisco spillway? Well, this Tuesday is an Ariana Grande concert that is sure to erupt the lipstick lesbians and gay dudes spillways. Enjoy!

21

TUESDAY — ARIANA GRANDE

Vivint Smart Home Arena, 301 S. Temple. Tickets $26.95-196.95, artsaltlake.org

DANCE/BALLET Ballet West presents Joshua Jones starring in the lead role he was made for: “The Little Mermaid.” Unfortunately there aren’t any clam shells large enough to cover his tostada grandes. Please don’t give us too much graying lettuce!

SPECIAL ENGAGEMENTS Season 8 of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” brought in *Trans Steve McQueen and … well, Thor. Most likely the best Super Powers to hopefully bring down Trumpalina. Work it girls!!

“Black Grace” is New Zealand’s leading contemporary dance company, fusing Pacific and contemporary dance in an extraordinary and dynamic form. Neil draws from his Samoan and New Zealand roots to create innovative works that reach across social, cultural and generational barriers.”

I hope they have Visas … the credit card that is, you pessimists!

4

SATURDAY — RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE SEASON 8: THORGY THOR & LAILA MCQUEEN, Metro Music Hall, , 9pm. 615 W. 100 South. Tickets $15, smithstix.com

22

WEDNESDAY — BLACK GRACE

30

THURSDAY — THE LITTLE M ­ ERMAID

Kingsbury Hall, 111 Presidents Cir., UofU, 7:30pm. Tickets $20-30, kingtix.com

Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South, times vary, through April 2. Tickets $15-35, artsaltlake.org

THEATRE

MOVIES Cannes you believe it, hottie Gael Garcia Bernal is playing Nobel prize-win- ning Chilean poet Pablo Neruda in the international film “Neruda”?? He’s totally Mozart playing in my jungle!!

And for you ginger-loving lesbians, the remarkable Jessica Chastain builds a wall along the borders of Warsaw, Poland to protect Jews and animals from Donald Trump’s (I can’t call him president!) reign as Twittler.

10

FRIDAY — NERUDA

Broadway Centre Cinemas, 111 E. 300 South, times vary. Tickets $6.75-9.25, saltlakefilmsociety.org

31

FRIDAY — THE ZOOKEEPER’S WIFE

Broadway Centre Cinemas, 111 E. 300 South, times vary. Tickets $6.759.25, saltlakefilmsociety.org

I thought Plan-B Theatre Company’s new play was a parody on us not crying anymore about our supposed leader, but as I considered it, I became elated by shopping freely at Nordstrom, and humored by believing Sean Spicer is likely shedding a tear that a known Hebrew’s clothing line will likely be retailed only at outlets in Mexico.

23

THURSDAY — NOT ONE DROP

Studio Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, times vary, through April 2. Tickets $20, artsaltlake.org

UPCOMING EVENTS JUNE 10, Anderson Cooper & Andy Cohen, artsaltlake,org JUNE 20-25, 2017 Dirty Dancing, artsaltlake.org AUG. 1-20, The Book of Mormon, artsaltlake.org DEC. 14, Lady Gaga, smithstix.com

PHOTO COURTESY OF LOGO TV

Lidia Yuknavich Weaving

stories about the ways in which being a misfit can be an unexpected gift, author Lidia Yuknavich will appear on the Eccles Center Main Stage, presented by the Park City Institute, Saturday March 4, 2017.

The author of 9 books, her next novel, The Book of Judith, will be published by Harper on April 18th.

“Lidia Yuknavich is an engaging speaker with an even more compelling story,” says PCI Executive Director Teri Orr. “Her TED Talk last year, which addressed the beauty of the misfit in all of us, received a standing ovation, and has since reached well over 1 million views.”

A writer, mother and teacher, whose favorite students are, of course, misftis, Yuknavich has found a way to turn the many hardships of her life into a thread shared with others. “Stories are what keep us humanly connected,” says Lidia Yuknavich. “We all have love and family and things we care about that we can tell stories about.”

Yuknavich has spent her life as an out-

sider. Growing up in an unstable, abusive home she found some salvation in swimming until her competitive career ended due to a combination of drug and alcohol abuse and bad luck. Lidia was set to compete for a spot on the US Olympic Swim team just as the boycott of the 1980 Olympic Games in Moscow was announced.

She endured two failed marriages, a stint or two in jail and rehab, flunking out of college and losing a child. She received her big break as a writer at the age of 30, and focused her TED Talk on the way her life experience as an outsider left her unable to recognize her rightful place on the inside, when success knocked at her door.

Her talent for exploring the meaning of otherness, in a variety of genres and moods, has led her to a truth that is undeniable: The thing that you may think separates you from success, is the thing that may ultimately create it.

Her national bestselling novel The Small Backs of Children was the winner of the 2016 Oregon Book Award’s Ken Kesey Award for Fiction as well as the Reader’s Choice Award. The Misfit’s Manifesto, a fall 2017 book inspired by her TED Talk, “The Beauty of Being A Misfit,” is forthcom-

ing. Her widely acclaimed memoir The Chronology of Water was a finalist for a PEN Center USA Award for creative nonfiction and winner of a PNBA Award and the Oregon Book Award Reader’s Choice.

She also wrote the novel Dora: A Headcase, three books of short fictions – Her Other Mouths, Liberty’s Excess, and Real TO Reel, and a critical book on war and narrative, Allegories Of Violence.

Tickets to Lidia Yuknavich start at $29, with student tickets available, through the generosity of donors to the Park City Institute, for $5. For this performance, parents who purchase a full-price ticket in the Amethyst section can add a $5 student ticket in the same section. Q Watch Lidia’s TED Talk at bit.ly/LidiaMisfit

TYING THE KNOT? Know who WANTS your business and will treat you with the DIGNITY and RESPECT you deserve.

BROUGHT TO YOU BY QSALTLAKE

PHOTO BY BRET HARTMAN

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 33

March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

34 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | Q&A

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

TRANSforming minds one truth at a time Comedian Ian Harvie on how ‘we’re all trans,’ his vast penis collection and comedy as a tool for change

BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI

For Ian

Harvie, it’s not about earning the title of “first trans person in the world with a one-hour stand-up special.”

Though that’s a tag the FTM comedian can now claim, for him, he’s hopeful more trans comedians will walk through the door he swung open with May the Best Cock Win, airing on NBC’s digital network, SEESO. “I’m so excited that a digital network like SEESO, an NBC-based company, has said ‘yes’ to the first trans comic special, which will provide a pathway for others to come through,” remarks the Portland, Maine native.

Harvie, who made his acting debut as Dale during the premiere season of Amazon’s Emmy-winning Transparent, recently opened up about how Margaret Cho was instrumental in helping him discover his stand-up voice, being a “butch dyke who was only visible because I looked like a man with huge tits,” and the unifying power of comedy.

I have a feeling people will be questioning their own penis adequacy after seeing your comedy special. Because you get what you get? Don’t overthink it!

I make jokes, but people think I must have it bad because I’m a guy without a dick, but really I have many. I have tons of dicks. I have a range: softies that you can pack in your underwear to make it look like you have a penis, but, really, I’m too lazy to even remember to do that. Small, medium, large.

Vibrating ones. Balls, no balls. Different colors. Ones that look kind of alien that don’t have a penis head. All kinds of different dicks. I’m old enough to have a collection. (Laughs) Oh, you’ve been collecting for that long? Yes, and I’ve had girlfriends be like, “No, we’re getting a new one.” It’s very lesbian to be like, “Listen, those other dicks you bought with other girlfriends — they’re not going in me. We’re getting a new one.” (Laughs) It’s very interesting. I mean, I can’t say, “Listen, you gotta get a new vagina.” And if you’re a dude with a dick, you can’t get rid of it and get a new one just because you fucked someone else with it. That’s the dick you have. It’s a very loose queer/ lesbian/dyke rule that if you have a collection of dicks and you have a new partner, you’re getting a new dick.

For some trans people, discussing genitalia and gender-reassignment surgery can be touchy subjects. How do trans people react to those topics when you talk about them? I don’t get negative feedback from trans people because I’m only talking about my story, and I think most people understand when they’re watching comedy, especially my comedy, it’s narrative. So, I’m not sharing someone else’s story. I don’t think that you can go, “Well, that’s not true about trans people,” because, well, I’m a trans person and it’s true for me.

It’s rare, but I think the negative stuff that I get has been when I maybe come across as ageist, like wanting old, conservative people to die.

Because you’re a public figure, many trans people may see their story reflected in yours.

Listen, you can identify with feelings — you don’t have to identify with a person’s exact story. I want to make a distinction because it’s so funny when people come out — if you like what they have to say, people call them a role model; if you don’t like what they have to say, they’re a public figure. That’s the difference. (Laughs) So, I may be a public figure, but being a comic, just by the nature of the art, people aren’t always going to agree with me, and that’s OK. I don’t mind being a public figure. I hope that some of the things that I

Q&A | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 35

March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

have to say actually resonate with people. I had a guy come up to me after a show who was a cisgender male — a straight guy — who was tortured in junior high because his nipples were raised. He started to play sports and people tortured the shit out of him. He was labeled as feminine because of his raised nipples, which today would be worshiped in gay culture! (Laughs) But he said he had surgery to correct this thing that he had been tortured by. He wanted to do it for himself to feel better in his body, and he came up to me after a show and was like, “Listen, I never, ever thought of it that way, and I never thought anybody would speak to me like you did.”

What I realized by doing these shows: At first I thought this was gonna be great for the trans community. We’d have this shared experience, and I can speak and they can have things that resonate with them. Now, I just feel I’m speaking to everybody. We’re all the same. This is so stupid. We’re all trans. All the same. We’re all struggling with this. It’s not unique to trans people. And I don’t want trans people to think they’re not unique or beautiful and special — I don’t mean it that way.

But this is a shared experience. If you don’t feel weird, you’re the weirdo.

Do you see your comedy as a bridge to trans acceptance? Yeah, I do. I think it’s one of the most powerful ways to help people access something that they haven’t been able to access before. I marched with ACT UP and Queer Nation back in the late ’80s, early ’90s. Started waving signs. I actually had blank foam core and markers in the trunk of my car ready to go anytime, and I remember going to marches and getting in people’s faces. That resistance is effective — it absolutely is. But I also found this other medium in comedy, where you walk into a comedy club and the audience is so incredibly diverse. People just want to laugh, and it doesn’t matter what you’re talking about. If you can make them laugh, you can access them and give them information about something that they had no idea about before. So, I think comedy is a really amazing tool to change people on old ideas they had.

And this is part of the privilege of being a dude. I get there, I look like a dude, I sound like a dude, and grossly people listen to dudes more. I think what happens is people walk away without realizing it, having this new frame of reference for who trans people are. We’re not weirdos. We’re

not freaks. We’re not all the stereotypes that people have put out there in the media in the past. And there’s not a fucking foam core sign in their face. That has value too, absolutely. But it’s a totally different way of accessing them. I’m not wagging my finger at them. I’m making them laugh.

You say that an audience is more apt to listen to a man rather than a woman. Is that based on any personal experience of your own? It’s this weird shift for me to go from this butch dyke who was only visible because I looked like a man with huge tits.

I mean, I was visible for that, but I wasn’t sexually visible to people. I definitely wasn’t anything near a sort of female standard that culturally we have, so I was largely invisible until they figured out that I was female. Then, I was just weird. Now, there’s a shift in how people look at me and listen to me.

How does it make you feel to know that people sexualize you in a way they didn’t before you transitioned? I’m gonna say something that will piss people off, but generally speaking, if people find true value in compliments about their appearance, then there’s probably some void that needs to be filled that will never be filled with compliments. [Compliments] have never, ever done anything for me. After my chest surgery, I started taking hormones, and I started to love myself in a different way and people [were] seeing what I was feeling about myself. But comments on my appearance? Those are empty to me.

What kind of place did comedy have in your life as a kid? When you were a kid did you get together with siblings or cousins and put on shows for your family? My thing was, I would come out in the intermission and do a comedy set, and I wrote my own jokes and they were horrible. They made no sense whatsoever. I didn’t understand joke structure — I was 6. But I used to watch The Carol Burnett Show and all the Dean Martin roasts. I used to watch Flip Wilson and Rich Little. Oh god, when I was a kid, we had Bill Cosby’s album of storytelling, which I kind of cringe at now.

But at the time, while he was, you know, drugging women, we had his vinyl on our record player, and I remember listening to that. So, I was the comic relief in the theatrical shows we performed. I would always come out during the break while they were changing behind the curtain sheet on a clothesline, and they would be behind me, and I would be telling jokes to

my aunts and uncles. That was my early sort of exposure. It’s so weird that after being a kid it never even dawned on me — never registered — that I could ever be an artist like that and entertain people and have it be a career.

I talk about this frequently, but it really was life changing: This guy — a writer for The Daily Show — was writing jokes for The Daily Show and he was looking for something creative to do locally. He started offering comedy-writing workshops at our local comedy club, and he sent me a postcard, and randomly I got it. I owned a web development company, and I’m like, “What the hell is this?” It’s so weird because it was really kind of kitschy, with this cartoony black, old-timey microphone in the spotlight. I left it on my desk at my office for a couple of weeks, and I stared at it many times. I was like, “I’m interested, but I’m really scared.” Finally, I picked up the phone at the end of the week before the class started the following Monday and said, “Hey, I saw your postcard,” and he was like, “I got one spot left.” I said, “I’ll take it! I’ll take it!”

I did the workshop and fell in love, and that was 15 years ago this January.

At first I started by writing poop and fart jokes, and I’m like, “OK, that’s not me,” but I was too scared to tell the truth in the beginning of who I was. About two years into it, I wrote my material but didn’t really understand who I was on stage until a couple of years later. It takes a while to figure out who you are.

How did getting to know and touring with Margaret Cho in 2006 help you find your voice? I consider Margaret one of those people who’s an absolute truth-teller on stage. She’s very raw and open about who she is, what she’s done, what’s she’s seen, how she deals with things. Traveling with her absolutely cracked me open and helped me be more brave about exactly who I was.

I remember saying to her that I was scared to tell LGBT audiences that I was trans, and she’s like “Why? These are your people!” But I’m like, “I know, but they’re the ones I want to love me the most.” She’s like, “We need representation from the trans community. We really need that.

They need to hear your story.” It really changed my perspective because I was like, “I can actually be of service here. I can tell my story.” Q As editor of Q Syndicate, Chris Azzopardi has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. Reach him at chris-azzopardi.com and on Twitter (@chrisazzopardi).

36 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD & DRINK

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

food & drink Ogden’s Own announces gin ‘honoring’ Brigham Young’s 35th son — Madam Patterini The distillery that brings us Five Wives Vodka now brings us a small batch gin that bears the image and story of Brigham Young’s 35th son as Madam Pattirini.

Made from Juniper, Bergamot, Coriander, Cardamom, Nigerian Ginger, and Sicilian Lemon. It’s a small run of less than 1,000 bottles per batch, which are numbered by the batch and bottle.

Ogden’s Own’s Steve Conlin said the label was “influenced by one of the more interesting and unknown figures of the West. Utah’s alway full of surprises and has been a pretty wild place!”

Brigham Morris Young (1854–1931) was the 35th son of Brigham Young who served a mission for the LDS Church in the Hawaiian Islands. Shortly after returning from this mission he was asked by his father to organize the young mens association of the LDS church.

In 1885 Young, his wife and their children returned from serving his second

mission in the Hawaiian Islands and began publicly performing as a cross-dressing singer under the pseudonym and in drag as Italian opera diva “Madam Pattirini.” He could produce a convincing falsetto, and many in the audience did not realize that Pattirini was Young.

The gin itself has a very rich and satisfy-

ing taste. Drunk as a martini (shaken, not stirred), it takes a complex run about the tongue with a strong juniper berry forward and a lasting Nigerian ginger finish.

Currently only available at the distillery store, Conlin expects it will be on state liquor store shelves this month. madampattirini.com

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March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

deep inside hollywood Kate Beckinsale and The Chocolate Money

M. Butterfly Broadway revival to star Clive Owen

Her flamboyance may remind you of Willy Wonka, but chocolate heiress Babs Ballentyne has zero plans to give away any of her fortune to some random kid in The Chocolate Money. The latest from Hairspray director Adam Shankman, based on the popular novel by Ashley Prentice Norton, Chocolate follows the wild ’80s rock star lifestyle of Babs (Kate Beckinsale), inheritor of the fortune and mother to attention-starved and bookish daughter Bettina.

As Bettina grows up, her need for mom’s love leads to serious complications in everyone’s lives. That’s all we know right now, and there’s no other cast yet, but this seems like just the kind of high-style comedy Shankman could sink his camp-loving teeth into. We’ll be waiting, in chic vintage outfits, for this one to arrive sometime in 2018.

David Henry Hwang’s M. Butterfly, the 1988 Tony Award winner for Best Play, is getting its first Broadway revival, with Julie Taymor at the wheel and Clive Owen in the lead. Owen will play a French diplomat who has a 20-year-long affair with a male Chinese Opera performer who is also a spy (Owen’s romantic lead partner has not yet been cast). Shaking off the fiasco of that musical about the superhero who slings webs and moving in a more seriously dramatic direction seems like just the right change of pace for Taymor. And this stage revival will also allow audiences a fresh chance to experience the heartbreak of Hwang’s material — which is based on a real story — without resorting to David Cronenberg’s very strange film adaptation.

The revival opens this fall, so let’s all agree not to tell Mike Pence what it’s about so that it’s a fresh surprise for him when he shows up.

Travis Mathews’ Discreet finds its way to Berlin By the time you read this, Travis Mathews’ latest film, the ominously titled Discreet, will have been seen first by audiences at the Berlin Film Festival, and it’s most likely coming to a festival or arthouse near you very soon.

An examination of masculinity in crisis, starring a cast of relative unknowns, Discreet is the story of a drifter who returns home, after years in hiding, to discover that his childhood abuser is alive.

The young man then begins plotting revenge, and it’s a safe bet that happy endings aren’t in store. Mathews is already known for pushing the boundaries of safe cinema, with films like I Want Your Love, as well as Interior.

Leather Bar., and he has described this one as a moody exploration of the anxious U.S. as it is right now. Sounds like just our kind of dark entertainment.

Trans filmmaker Sydney Freeland scores Netflix debut Sydney Freeland, a Native American trans filmmaker, already has one feature film on her resume — 2014’s Drunktown’s Finest. And she helmed episodes of the web series Her Story. But now her latest, called Deidra and Laney Rob a Train, will take a bow on Netflix on March 17. A crime comedy in the tradition of Raising Arizona, it’s the story of two teenage girls (Ashleigh Murray, Riverdale; and Rachel Crow, Invisible Sister) who turn to the crime of robbing trains in order to support their families after both their mothers go to prison. In other words, the good kind of underdog crime you root for, only in movies. Q

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38 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

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March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

COMICS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 39

40 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

book review REVIEW BY TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER

“Before I Do”

by Elizabeth F. Schwartz, afterword by Jim Obergefell c.2016, The New Press $14.95, 220 pages

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The box was too small for a toaster.

There was no pony in there, no new car, not even a stuffed animal. The box was too small for all that, but it held so much more: dreams, ideas, happiness, congratulations! And if you’re lucky, your wise new fiancé tucked “Before I Do” by Elizabeth F. Schwartz in the box with your beautiful engagement ring.

So you put a ring on it, made the proposal, and now you’ve got a wedding to plan. It’s all quite exciting, but slow down a minute. If you’ve grown up thinking that this day would never come, then you might not’ve thought about what marriage entails.

“LGBT people,” says Schwartz, “have not lived in a world with premarital guidance for LGBT couples. We have suffered systemic exclusion…”

Just because you can be married now is no reason that you should, she points out. Yes, you’re in love, and yes, you’ve been together forever but now’s the time to be sure you know exactly what you’re in for. That starts by asking yourselves a series of difficult but important questions.

Once you’ve gotten that (perhaps uncomfortable) part out of the way, be sure that any past relationships are completely and legally finished and “do not create confusion with multiple statuses with multiple people.”

Know what paperwork you need in order to proceed, and what questions you’ll be asked as you’re filling it out.

This pre-wedding period is a good time to talk to a financial expert, a tax consultant, and a lawyer. Don’t trust word-ofmouth to protect your finances;

the laws in your state may horrify you, if wedded bliss goes bust. Talk about debt: how much each of you has, and how you perceive it. Educate yourself on insurance coverage, asset protection, pre-nups, and estate planning.

And if all this preparation makes you start to think that maybe marriage isn’t such a good idea after all, Schwartz says it’s okay.

There are valid reasons for not taking the plunge, and there are alternatives. One of them may be a much better fit for you.

Getting engaged is such an exciting time. Putting the brakes on everything isn’t the most romantic notion, but it’s maybe the most prudent. “Before I Do” explains why.

Though she says her advice in this book is appropriate for anyone, author Elizabeth F. Schwartz focuses more on gay and lesbian couples, as well as trans individuals and their prospective spouses. She does so, in part, because she feels that they’ve only seen marriage “on the fringes.”

That somewhat sets this book apart from the thousands of other wedding-planner books on bookshelves; what really makes it different, however, is that Schwartz admits her no-nonsense words may talk prospective brides and grooms out of having a wedding. Truth: readers who might’ve somehow taken marriage lightly before will absolutely be convinced otherwise.

“Failure to plan has terrible consequences,” says Schwartz, and this book erases that omission. Read “Before I Do,” though, and rest assured that you can toast one another smarter. Q

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 41

March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

mr. manners

Having it all

BY ROCK MAGEN

On a train

ride home yesterday I was letting my mind wander, and I came to the conclusion that gay men just “have it good.” Take a moment and think about it. We can lift heavy objects, grow beards and, as research shows, we get paid more and enjoy less stress. I am not sure I agree with that research completely, however we can still argue that we “have it good.” Where I tend to draw the line is when someone states that gay men “have it all.”

Most of us are north of our 20’s can look at our group of friends to gauge how we are doing. Some followed the path of getting hitched, building a family (using whichever means worked for them), and pursuing a career which hopefully led them to what they define as success. But we all know that as life and careers begin to heat up, friendships and personal connections begin to fade. As much as we want to pretend they don’t, we are all guilty of it.

Take a look back at your life.

I’m talking a five-year review.

Think back to who you used to spend a majority of your time with. Chances are that group of people has shifted dramatically. And even if you are one of the lucky few who retained a friend or two from that group, you probably do not have the same friendship you did back then. Granted we all have those people who we never really feel apart from, but still, our friendships eventually begin to

fade and studies show that in time it takes a terrible toll on your overall health!

The reality is that being a gay man in 2017 — even if you are extremely successful — can be tricky. Between juggling social activities, work, relationships and any other hobbies you may have, you are constantly looking for more time. But let me pose a question. Is where you are spending your time really worthwhile?

Is it better to spend an ungodly amount of time at work, alone, and let relationships dwindle because you are unavailable? As the icing to this fantasy life, we seem to have lost ourselves in an age of media and constantly advancing technology.

So, what do we do?

Well, we have many options.

We start by looking at the friendships we have. Are you committing the time to them to keep them alive and thriving? Maybe some friends just need you to come over and watch the football game, while others require you to go out for drinks. Whichever the commitment, you need to allow yourself the time to spend with those whom you love, and love you in return.

As a final thought, make sure you make time just to spend with your guy friends — gay or straight. We guys need to stick together if we are going to make it through to the end.

Maybe the guy who has the most friends and not the most stuff, is the one who can be accused of “having it all.” Q

Loathing the Clothing ACROSS

1 Caribbean pirate portrayer Johnny 5 Refuse in a foundry 9 Forgo swallowing 13 Earthy color 14 AZT dose 15 Bone in a limp wrist 16 The Lion King shouts at Scar 17 Meat that goes in your boxers 18 Take the edge off 19 Start of a playful dig about Kellyanne Conway’s inauguration outfit 22 Like Edna Turnblad 24 Bodies of soldiers 27 More of the dig 32 Wing for Julia Morgan 33 “What Will Mary Say” singer Johnny 34 Moist ending 35 Apple of a sort 37 More of the dig 38 Fruity drinks 39 Like a rain forest 40 Part of GPS (abbr.)

41 Straight, in a bar 42 Word on a Broadway ticket 44 Can’t help but 45 Spring month for Debussy

47 Tin Man’s request 48 More of the dig 54 Chalky white 55 Soft rock 56 Billy of Cleopatra (1999) 58 Rubber-stamp 59 Opera queen’s fave, perhaps 60 Suffix with leather 61 Tools for Whitman and Byron 62 Low, for one 63 Where a cobbler puts the tongue

DOWN

1 Young lady coming out 2 Prefix for system 3 Sticky stuff in Kate McKinnon’s Ghostbusters 4 Type of bra 5 Where women might sweat together 6 Composer Boulanger 7 Mounts, to Maria von Trapp 8 Look tickled pink 9 Valley of the Dolls author 10 “To thine own self be true” and such 11 Roadside stop 12 Abe Lincoln’s boy 20 Bit from Michael Musto

21 Pink and more 22 Zelda Gilroy portrayer James 23 Law at Beit Simchat Torah 25 Bully’s warning 26 Looks after 28 Worn-out stallions 29 Choose not to come 30 Partners of wherefores 31 Addington Symonds field (abbr.)

36 “Chim Chim Cheree” stacks 38 Does Frasier Crane’s job 43 Skin decoration 44 ___ Girl Friday (Cary Grant movie) 46 It dangles on a private 47 Angelina Jolie’s Changeling award 48 Bubbles behind the boat 49 Wife of Buck’s Wang 50 One way to have one’s meat 51 East of Eden director Kazan 52 Scout’s recitation 53 “Render therefore ___ Caesar ...”

54 Old man 57 Wide size

42 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | MARKETPLACE

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MARKETPLACE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 43

March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

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44 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | PETS

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

Level: Medium

1

5 3 1 7 6 3

7 8 9 4

6

2 9 1 7 4 5 7 4 1 8 2 7 4 6 8

6 9 8

1 9 5 4 6

5 6 1

9 5 2 1

9 7 1 6 4 9 5 6 3 1 8 2 5 1 3 7 5 2 3 6 7 8

5 2 4 1 7

9 6 1 8

3 5 9 6 1

5 1 4 3

3 7 6 8

4 8 1 5

q scopes MARCH

BY SAM KELLEY-MILLS

ARIES March 20–April 19

While it might seem prudent to lash out, the best course of action is to maintain control. Look for alternative solutions to a problem. The give-and-take approach is the best one, leading to healing at core of an issue.

Not everything that happens is within your control, but don’t neglect responsibility on your part either.

TAURUS Apr 20–May 20 Demand attention from someone who should be giving more care to your needs. Whether it is a lover or a good friend, there has been a sense of dismissiveness that doesn’t sit well right now. This is a time when support is needed the most. Make it clear that anger doesn’t drive you, but a cry for help is being sent.

GEMINI May 21–June 20 A poor substitute for a friend is bound to assert their presence hard and fast. Be aware their intentions may not be what they appear to be. It’s

9 8 2

9 5 4 2 6 1 3 1 6 1 5 4 3 2 6 7

5 9 8 1 2

7 2 5 3 5 7 6 8 3 4 9 2 6 4 9 3 8 3 5 9 1 6 5 1 3 4

not wrong to spend time with them, but it may be cause for adjustments in your agenda. Find common ground or end the association completely. Don’t settle for less.

CANCER June 21–July 22 A strange feeling is hard to shake. It could be regarding a person or situation, so find the source to relieve anxiety. More likely than not, a work situation is causing a problem that isn’t fully recognized. Rest assured that everything is going better than it seems, and a good revelation is coming soon.

Proceed with some faith.

LEO July 23–August 22 Being assertive is part of your nature and reputation is important to you. There has to be some negotiation in business dealing. You can’t always get what you want, Leo! Someone is willing to open a path to getting a lot of goals accomplished, so stay focused. A little firmness goes a long way. Balance with kindness.

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22 Stop being concerned over small stuff and eye a big prize. Truth can be found by simply seeing the obvious, especially in the words of someone close.

A family member or partner is bound and

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determined to knock over a defensive attitude, but the real challenge they face is your unwillingness to compromise.

LIBRA Sept 23–October 22 Temptation is in plain sight and could be driving you crazy.

Indulge but don’t lose yourself in the good feelings. There can be too much of a good thing when distractions set the tone. Be prepared to show love and care for someone who might not deserve it.

What you give will eventually return. Stay balanced.

SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21 Anyone who claims to know what’s best for you should be questioned.

Stand up for what you believe in and don’t be intimidated, even by those who love and care about you. The worst thing you can do is give into intimidation. A career matter will put strain on a professional relationship, but it is a temporary setback.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22–December 20.

A driving force of exhaustion will come in the form of a promise made in haste. Don’t be worried about revising an arrangement that is revealed to be unfair. There are bigger issues at stake, especially regarding your finances. Don’t

sacrifice in areas that will ultimately support what you are currently building.

CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19 There is a puzzle that can’t be easily solved. Don’t get involved in a game but take measures to get finances and personal matters in order. There are complications demanding attention.

Focus your attention on a singular task.

Look inward to discover a power that you never even knew was there before.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18 Respect an elderly friend or associate and surprises may be in store for you. There are hidden gems in the world and wealth to go around.

The lesson of a lifetime could be taught and yet overlooked if rebellion becomes your way this month. Despite temptation, there is nothing to be gained by allowing anger to flourish.

PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19 A partner or lover is going to ask for something not previously requested, leading to a need for exploration. Giving a piece of yourself away is never the easiest thing to do, but it’s important to share. Say goodbye to the past and prepare to reinvent yourself yet again. This is an amazing stage in your life right now. Q

March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

Pet of the Month

Off-Leash Dog Parks

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 45

magazine qsaltlake.com

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46 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | LOVE & DATING

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

MOST ELIGIBLE LGBTQ UTAHNS

Nicci Anderson

Kyle Tingey

Keith Turner

AGE: 33 OCCUPATION: Welder IDENTIFY AS: Pansexual WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR IN A MATE?

AGE: 20 OCCUPATION: Generalist at Whole Foods IDENTIFY AS:: Gay, non-binary WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR IN A MATE?:

AGE: 44 OCCUPATION: Accountant IDENTIFY AS:: Gay/Queer WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR IN A MATE?:

Loyalty, family oriented, humor, and ambition!

BIGGEST TURN-OFF: No ambition and no goals.

BIGGEST TURN-ON: Tattoos and willing to try new things HOBBIES: Camping, fishing, welding, and poker DESCRIBE YOUR IDEAL FIRST DATE: To go ice fishing together; to connect and have someone cook for us. Each of our favorite foods with dessert we each like. Experience together our likes.

FAVORITE TV SHOW: Hunted, Shameless CELEBRITY CRUSH(ES): Rihanna ONE OBSCURE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: I love watching someone get a tattoo.

Someone who I can joke around with.

Someone who is beautiful on the inside, who I can talk to for hours without getting bored. Someone who is passionate about the things they love. Someone who is understanding and kind, who I never have to worry about judging me or anyone else.

BIGGEST TURN-OFF: Being rude to anyone for little reason.

BIGGEST TURN-ON: Creativity.

HOBBIES: Writing, singing, cooking, sewing, LEGO DESCRIBE YOUR IDEAL FIRST DATE: Doesn’t matter what it is, as long as we’re doing something we’re both passionate about.

FAVORITE TV SHOW: It’s so hard to choose.

Right now it’s probably Sense 8.

CELEBRITY CRUSH(ES): Troye Sivan ONE OBSCURE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: I once helped design a LEGO set that was then sold in stores.

Someone to build a life together with and have crazy adventures with.

BIGGEST TURN-OFF: Believing they are superior to others.

BIGGEST TURN-ON: Confidence and emotional maturity HOBBIES: Write poetry, bake bread DESCRIBE YOUR IDEAL FIRST DATE: Cocktales, dancing, flirting conversations and a passionate kiss or many thrown in.

FAVORITE TV SHOW: The latest flavor of Netflix TV shows to binge watch CELEBRITY CRUSH(ES): Madonna, Jake Gyllenhaal ONE OBSCURE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: I have an alter ego — Spektakel Dupont who loves to dress up in gender fuck blending attire. (i.e. wear high heels, lip stick and a navy outfit as an example where male and female are blended together)

LOVE & DATING | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 47

March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

DESCRIBE YOUR IDEAL FIRST DATE: Something

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR IN A MATE?: I’m

simple to be able to talk and laugh.

FAVORITE TV SHOW: NCIS CELEBRITY CRUSH(ES): Reese Witherspoon ONE OBSCURE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: Played minor league baseball

looking for a big man, six-pack in the cooler, and someone who is into Pokemon.

BIGGEST TURN-OFF: Not queer BIGGEST TURN-ON: Getting stuffed animals, someone who pays for my chicken nuggets, receiving back massages, someone who seasons their food, and latex leggings.

HOBBIES: Pokemon, couponing, shark surfing, eating ice cream, and lying in bed DESCRIBE YOUR IDEAL FIRST DATE: Starting the night at Taco Bell, and then taking our evening to the local bowling alley.

Afterwards following up the evening with casual rollerblading around Liberty Park.

FAVORITE TV SHOW: Rupaul’s Drag Race CELEBRITY CRUSH(ES): Idris Elba, Michael B Jordan, Ryan Gosling, Ariana Grande, Andy Cohen ONE OBSCURE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: I have a storage cubicle full of hot cheetos.

Josie Jesse AGE: 43 OCCUPATION: Customer Service/Speaking IDENTIFY AS:: Lesbian and Female WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR IN A MATE?:

Someone who loves and cares for me like I do her.

BIGGEST TURN-OFF: Constant hate BIGGEST TURN-ON: Compassion and happiness HOBBIES: Cooking, movies, drives

Salvador Oregon AGE: 22 OCCUPATION: Youth Program Coordinator IDENTIFY AS:: Queer and male

Want to meet any of these fantastic singles? Email us with your contact info and we will pass it on to them. Want to be considered? Thouightfully complete the form at bit.ly/ utEligible

48 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | QMMUNITY

Qmmunity Groups ALCOHOL & DRUG

Alcoholics Anonymous 801-484-7871  utahaa.org

Gay and Lesbianspecific meetings: Sunday 3p Acceptance Group, UPC, 255 E 400 S Monday 8p Gay Men’s Stag (Big Book Study), UPC, 255 E 400 S 8p G/Q Women’s Meeting, Disability Law Center (rear door), 205 N 400 W Tuesday 8p Live and Let Live, Disability Law Center (rear door), 205 N 400 W Wednesday 7p Sober Today, 375 Harrison Blvd, Ogden Friday 8p Stonewall Group, UPC Crystal Meth Anon  crystalmeth.org

BUSINESS

LGBTQ-Affirmative Psycho-therapists Guild of Utah  lgbtqtherapists.com * jim@lgbtqtherapists.com Utah Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce  utahgaychamber.com * info@utahgaychamber.com Vest Pocket Business Coalition  vestpocket.org 801-596-8977 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 YWCA of Salt Lake  ywca.org/saltlakecity 322 E 300 S 801-537-8600 HEALTH & HIV

Northern Utah HIV/ AIDS Project Walk-Ins Tues Noon–5pm 536 24th St, Ste 2B, Ogden 801-393-4153 Planned Parenthood 654 S 900 E 800-230-PLAN Salt Lake Valley Health Dept HIV/STD Clinic 610 S 200 E 801-534-4666 Utah AIDS Foundation  utahaids.org * mail@utahaids.org 1408 S 1100 E 801-487-2323

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

HOMELESS SVCS

Volunteers of America Homeless Youth Resource Ctr, ages 15–21 880 S 400 W 801-364-0744 Young Men’s Transition Home 801-433-1713 Young Women’s Transition Home 801-359-5545 POLITICAL

Equality Utah  equalityutah.org * info@equalityutah.org

175 W 200 S, Ste 1004 801-355-3479 Utah Libertarian Party 6885 S State St #200 888-957-8824 Utah Log Cabin Republicans  bit.ly/logcabinutah

801-657-9611 Utah Stonewall Democrats  utahstonewalldemocrats.org

RELIGIOUS

Deeksha Utah  fb.me/deeksha.utah

Bingo for a cause Each third Friday, the Matrons of Mayhem run standing-room-only bingo events at First Baptist Church. All proceeds go to various causes, raising over $25,000 a year. Get there early for a seat. Bingo starts at 7pm, 777 S 1300 East.

First Baptist Church  firstbaptist-slc.org * office@firstbaptistslc.org 11a Sundays 777 S 1300 E 801-582-4921 Sacred Light of Christ  slcchurch.org 823 S 600 E 801-595-0052 11a Sundays Wasatch Metropolitan Community Church  wasatchmcc.org 801-889-8764 Sundays, 11a at UPC SOCIAL

1 to 5 Club (bisexual)  bit.ly/1to5club Alternative Garden Club  bit.ly/altgarden * altgardenclub@gmail. com blackBOOTS Kink/BDSM Men’s leather/kink/ fetish/BDSM)  blackbootsslc.org Gay Writes writing group, DiverseCity 6:30 pm Mondays Community Writing Ctr, 210 E 400 S Ste 8 Get Outside Utah  bit.ly/GetOutsideUtah Men Who Move  menwhomove.org OUTreach Resource Centers  outreachresourcecenters.org Ogden — 705 23rd St — Weds, 3-7:30pm Logan — 596 E 900 N — Fri, 4:30-7:30pm Brigham City — 435 E 700 S — First Tuesdays, 4-7pm Clearfield — 782 E 700 S — Thurs, 5:307:30pm

801-686-4528 qVinum Wine Tasting  qvinum.com Rainbow Classic Car Don R. Austin 801-485-9225 Sage Utah  facebook.com/sageutah  sageutah@ utahpridecenter.org 801-539-8800 Temple Squares Square Dance Club  templesquares.org Weekly dances Thursdays 7p at UPC 801-449-1293 Utah Bears  utahbears.com  info@utahbears.com Weds 6pm Raw Bean Coffee, 611 W Temple Utah Male Naturists  umen.org  info@umen.org Utah Pride Center  utahpridecenter.org  thecenter@ utahpridecenter.org 255 E 400 S 801-539-8800 SPORTS

Lambda Hiking Club  gayhike.org Pride Community Softball League  prideleague.com  pcsl@prideleague.com Q Kickball League  qkickball.com Sundays, 10:30, 11:30, Sunnyside Park QUAC — Queer Utah Aquatic Club  quacquac.org  questions@ quacquac.org Salt Lake Goodtime Bowling League  bit.ly/slgoodtime

Men who enjoy being naked in social, nonsexual settings.

We have nude lunches, retreats, campouts, house parties, sporting events, wine tastings, game parties, etc.

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Stonewall Shooting Sports of Utah  fb.me/stonewall. sportsofutah Venture Out Utah  fb.me/groups/ Venture.OUT.Utah YOUTH/COLLEGE

Gay-Straight Alliance Network  gsanetwork.org Salt Lake Community College Equality Involvement Club 8 facebook.com/slcc. equality University of Utah LGBT Resource Center 8 lgbt.utah.edu 200 S Central Campus Dr Rm 409 801-587-7973 Univ. of Utah Queer Student Union utahqsu@gmail.com USGA at BYU  byuusga.wordpress.com  fb.co/UsgaAtByu Utah State Univ. Access & Diversity Ctr  usu.edu/ accesscenter/lgbtqa Utah Valley Univ Spectrum  discord.me/ spectrumatuvu  facebook.com/ groups/uvuspectrum Weber State Univ Faculty/Staff GayStraight Alliance  organizations.weber. edu/fsgsa  fsgsa@weber.edu Weber State University LGBT Resource Center  weber.edu/ lgbtresourcecenter 3885 W Campus Dr, Student Services Ctr, Suite 154 Dept. 2125 801-626-7271

Embracing the health & resilience of our community

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 49

March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

Long live the Viva La DIVA Show

You know

a drag show is going to be good when you get there a half hour early and the place is packed. And you know it’s something different when it starts on time.

The crowd at the Viva La DIVA Show was as varied as what you’d expect in Vegas — gay boys to grannies, bachelorettes to plumbers. The night we went happened to be the birthday of the lead performer’s father, and the whole fam-damily was there to enjoy.

Over a dozen queens performed on the stage, all of whom were choreographed to the teeth.

Cross your eyes just a smidge

and you would swear that was Bette, Reba and Britney on the stage of Club X. Brain child of Miss Harry-It Winston, aka Kelley Neal, Jason CoZmo came on when he returned to his home town of Salt Lake City. Both know how to bring true drag talent to the land of Zion.

The shows and brunches have become so popular, CoZmo announced they will expand to every week.

Viva la Diva: Live the life.

Jason CoZmo has definitely done that.

CoZmo has toured all over the United States and has made his living as a female celebrity impersonator for the past 15 years. Some of his most popular impersonations include Liza Minnelli, Lucille Ball, Marilyn Monroe and Julie Andrews. Over the past six years Dolly Parton has become his “9 to 5.”

Originally from Salt Lake City, he

grew up doing musical theatre and then moved to California to perform at Disneyland and continue to act in theatre and film. He then moved to New York City to perform in clubs and cabarets and summers in Fire Island and Off-Broadway.

His favorite is Dolly Parton, who once said, “It’s a good thing I’s born a woman or I would have definitely been a Drag Queen!”

The Viva la DIVA Shows can be found at facebook.com/vivaladivashow. Brunch and shows are at Club X, 445 S 400 West.

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50 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | HEALTH

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

positive thoughts

I’m HIV-positive and still not into you

BY TYLER CURRY PLUS MAGAZINE EDITOR AT LARGE

As someone

who is out about being HIV-positive, I often get the privilege of hearing from other newly diagnosed gay men from across the country. As anyone can imagine, learning you are positive can feel like taking a cannonball to the chest.

So, sometimes you need to talk to a stranger before you can catch your breath and find the words for your family and friends.

Although I’m no psychotherapist, I can relate and speak to the myriad of fears that flood your headspace while sitting in the clinic and receiving the news. In almost every instance, the most pressing concern in the emails, texts and phone calls I receive is about how HIV will affect a person’s dating life.

I remember it all too well. When I first found out about my status, all of my romantic dreams instantly felt like dead ones.

Who would love me now? Can I ever enjoy sex again? Will I ever get married? And I went wah, wah, wah into my wine glass all through the night.

The truth is, once I picked myself out of the puddle of tears, I was relatively unaltered. Besides a recurring doctor’s appointment every four months and a new pill to add to my pill box, my worth on the dating market remained the same. Of course, the first couple months were pretty shaky. Learning how to disclose your status isn’t something most gay men discuss over cocktails on a Saturday night — although it should be.

I’ve had to answer the question I’m asked over and over again. When is the right time to disclose? Many of my friends think you should let the person get to know you first before launching into your medical history. After all, you don’t disclose all of the dirty details of your life on a first date, so what makes your status any different? Right?

Wrong. Being HIV positive isn’t the same as having a beast of a mother or being a Log Cabin Republican. Those dirty details are the layers of who you are as a person, and they’re revealed as a relation-

ship develops. Your status isn’t a part of your character; it’s a matter of logistics.

Either your Friday night date is someone who understands the logistics of dating someone positive, or he doesn’t.

If a potential match is afraid of dating someone who is positive, your personality

When I first found out about my status, all of my romantic dreams instantly felt like dead ones. Who would love me now?

and charm will not remedy his fear. Your status isn’t a deep dark secret or something to hide. But acting as if it is will most assuredly scare away anyone who is unsure about dating you.

Just as in any dating environment, confidence goes further than any amount of money, expensive suit or HIV-negative status. If you treat your status as some cloaked secret that you’re asking him to overlook because everything else is great, he’ll respond accordingly. But if you tell him before the first drink is served and approach it as if it’s something you need to clear up for the benefit of both of you, your honesty will be appreciated and will most likely be a turn on.

You know what confidence is? It’s knowing that the goods you’re selling are worth their sticker price, and you don’t need to discount them for anyone. It doesn’t matter if you’re positive, negative, too

short, too tall, balding or bushy-browed, you should be worried about who is right for you and forget about trying to be the right person for anyone else. It may never move past the first date regardless of your status, so don’t act like you’re desperate for your potential match to love you until you know you love him back.

Unfortunately, some people would like to see you stay in a state of despair rather than have you realize you’re the same good catch you’ve always been. It’s human nature to want to feel superior, and people will use any excuse to justify their feelings.

You may even have men lash out at you for not being a sad sap and giving them the attention they think they deserve. It’s as if, because you are now positive, you should be grateful for their interest. Conversely, your disinterest in them is a disruption of the natural hierarchy.

To these types of men, just smile more, because there’s nothing more gratifying than getting under the skin of a person who wants to feel better than you but can’t.

Yes, people will try to put you down. A lot of people love a sob story, and a lot of people love to hate a story of success. But, regardless of your status, you’ll always deal with people who want to see you struggle.

People like their boxes. If you’re positive, many will want you to stay in yours.

I’ve been told that I have no idea what I am talking about, and I’m not realistic about how hard living with HIV really is. True, living with HIV can be difficult, but only if you listen to other people’s opinions and beliefs of what it’s supposed to be like. If you don’t, you’re free to define how your life is viewed for yourself.

It’s your choice to live your life as a tragedy, a drama, or a romantic comedy.

Just remember, you’re in charge of casting your leading man. If he isn’t smart enough to understand your script, then he doesn’t get the part. Q Tyler Curry is the editor at large at Plus magazine and HIVPlusMag.com, where this story originally appeared. Positive Thoughts is a project of Plus, Positively Aware, POZ, TheBody.com, Q Syndicate, and QSaltLake Magazine.

March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

HEALTH | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 51

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52 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FRIVOLIST

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

the frivolist

7 alternatives to ‘Netflix & chill’ that’ll still get ya some

BY MIKEY ROX

Netflix

and chill has run its course, my friends. Sure, for a while there it was fun to invite over the object of your affection under the guise that you’ll watch some smart documentary just to pull a bait-and-switch with your dick, but it’s time to get creative again.

This Valentine’s Day, go the extra mile to make your sweetie smile with these inexpensive activities where everyone comes out a winner.

1. SHOP THE ANTIQUE STORE FOR A SECRET GIFT My boyfriend and I recently planned this activity at a local antique mall, and we had a blast doing it. The gist of the game is to find the perfect Valentine’s gift for each other — but there’s a catch: You can’t spend more than $20. Sounds tricky when you’re browsing antiques, but if you go to a large-enough center, you’ll find a treasure trove of small trinkets, odd and ends, and this-and-thats. Keep an eye out for sales, too. Many antiques stores rent out booths to sellers, and some of those sellers have sales on occasion. In fact, the gift I picked for my guy — an old Welmy Six camera,

circa 1951, to symbolize all the adventure ahead — retailed for $60, but the booth offered 75 percent off. I copped the piece for $15, and he’ll receive a gift that he’ll cherish forever. Can’t wait to see what mine is!

2. PLAY A NAUGHTY BOARD GAME If the late-night moves are getting stale, bring in a board game. Silly, but give it a chance — there are plenty of options available to suit just about every level of kink.

I’ve played an adult board game in the past, and I can say with certainty that not only is it exciting — my heart was literally pounding with anticipation when we first started — it leads to the good stuff rather quickly; I’m not sure we ever finished the game, but nobody lost that night. Mind you, there aren’t many same-sex-oriented games available, but Sexopoly, in particular, is accommodating to any persuasion.

3. BUY NEW UNDIES TOGETHER AND SHOW ’EM OFF Like how your beau looks when they shimmy down to their skivvies? Up the ante — and freshen up both your underwear drawers — with a trip to your favorite

place to pick up boxers, briefs and everything in between. Browsing the sensual selection will get the blood flowing — face it, we’ve all spent too much time staring at the Calvin Klein boxes at Marshalls — and you’ll be ready to burst by the time you get home to put on your own private fashion show.

4. PLAN A MEAL TO COOK NAKED This year, my valentine and I will be arriving home from a quick vacay to Miami on Feb. 14, which leaves little time (or energy) to get all gussied up after a day of travel just to brave the holiday dinner crowds.

Instead, we’ve planned a decadent meal of steak, wine and dessert — courtesy of my very own kitchen — that we’ll prepare together in the buff. If you want to follow suit, consider this precaution: Wear aprons by the fire so you don’t damage the dangly bits.

5. POUR THE WINE AND DIVULGE YOUR FANTASIES Plenty of couples are open to sexploration — especially us gays — but what we do with our partners may only scratch the surface of what we’d like to try. So talk about it. Pour a big glass of your favorite vintage and discuss your fantasies. Reminisce about the best sex you’ve ever had with one another, reveal what your partner does that still makes you tingle, and introduce fresh ideas and scenarios to usher in a new era of pleasure.

6. BLOW EACH OTHER IN A DRESSING ROOM

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Listen, I’m not advocating that you be a pervert in public, but what nobody knows won’t hurt them. Personally, I’ve engaged in a little dressing-room foreplay — we were both trying on clothes behind the same door and things got out of control (in a very good way) — and it was exhilarating and satisfying. To pull it off without going to jail, keep it quick, keep it quiet, and, above all, keep the door locked.

7. FIRE STICK AND DICK I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to mention this meme; I saw it the other day on social media and it made me chuckle. Same idea as Netflix and chill, but for fancy people. Time to raise your standards. Q Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He splits his time between homes in New York City and the Jersey Shore with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox.

March 2017 | issue december 2016 | issue265 | Qsaltlake.com 262 | gaysaltlake.com

NEWS | |QSALTLAKE QSALTLAKEMAGAZINE MAGAZINE || 53 53 NIGHTLIFE

54 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | March 2017

the perils of petunia pap smear

PUZZLE SOLUTIONS

CRYPTOGRAM: MY NAME IS HARVEY MILK AND I’M HERE TO RECRUIT YOU.

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ANAGRAM: SAINT PATRICK

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to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and it is fraught with danger and excitement.

Many many years ago, way back in the Cretaceous Period when I was still a single adventurous princess about town, I had an occasion to go on vacation to Las Vegas. Everyone who knows me is aware that I am a buffet queen of the highest order. Queertanic, my beloved land yacht, even had a bumper sticker that stated, “I brake for buffets!” I read on a billboard that Caesars Palace had just opened a new buffet, so I put on my “fancy eatin’ dress” and aimed Queertanic in the general direction and she figured out the way there on her own. I was in heaven. Trying to get my money’s worth, I ate and ate until my already “Gravitationally Challenged Physique” became a true “Blubbernaught” of “Bodus Rotundus.”

The next item of my vacation check list was to visit a bathhouse and see if I could, through several quick and dirty sessions of “Bumping Uglies,” find “Mr. Right.” I arrive at Hawk’s Gym, and low and behold it was Leather Night! Harnesses, jockstraps and dildos, oh my! I asked for a private room. The beautiful twink of an attendant said that since I was from out of town he would give me a very special room. With anxious anticipation I unlocked the door to my cubicle. I was dismayed to discover that the room had wall-to-wall mirrors on three sides and the ceiling. No one of

7 8 2 4 9 1 3 6 5

The road

my “Heroically Proportioned — Tuba Luba — Aisle Blocker Physique” wants to see himself in a mirror, let alone engaging in naked “Extreme Flirting.” But being taught by Miss Manners in Princess Finishing School not to make waves, I resigned myself to make the best of the situation. Upon entering my room, I quickly shut my eyes to avoid seeing the “Hambeast” times three in motion. I quickly disrobed.

I have learned over time, that a queen must always be prepared to accessorize to meet any occasion. So dressed in a black jockstrap, which I just happened to have in my bathhouse bag, to fit in with all the leather queens.

Within five minutes, miracle of miracles, I attracted the attention of a way-out-ofmy-league, porn-star-worthy, super hunky stud in full leather harness. God bless the chubby chasers! He asked to come into my room. He was a take-charge kinda guy so I let him lead. He immediately began a session of “Driving Miss Daisy” by “Checking The Oil” with his “Schlongasaurus Rex.” After some aggressive “Stuffin’ the Muffin,” he reached into my bag and withdrew my dildo with a handle and proceeded to “Churn the Butter.” I needed a short break so I stood up, turned around and looked him in the eyes and gave him a kiss.

Just then, I coughed and the dildo went shooting out of my “Hippoglottamus” with so much force that it ricocheted off a mirror and struck my left ankle. To my immense dismay, the projectile missile was followed by what I can only

9 6 4 3 8 5 2 1 7

Warning: If you are easily offended, or have a weak constitution, you should skip reading this column.

5 1 3 7 4 2 9 8 6

BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR

like a war refugee. Before I could get to the shower room, I was approached by another “Desperate Housewife” and he asked if we could play. (REALLY?) I told him that I was not in a position to entertain a “Gentleman Caller” at the moment. So, the everlasting moral to this story is, never engage in “Romper Room Play” after eating a buffet.

This story leaves us with several important questions: 1) Should I have gone back to the twink attendant and demanded a “room without three views?”

2) If you place your gentleman caller on top, can it help obscure the reflection in the mirrors?

3) Should I begin packing a mop in my bathhouse bag?

4) Rather than pausing and cleaning up, should I have announced an impromptu scat party instead?

5) Should I have filmed the whole thing and sold it as a German shisa video?

6) Would vacation insurance cover the EPA Super Fund cleanup?

7) Is this where mothers adapted the rule that you can’t go swimming until at least one hour after you eat?

8) WHEN DID I EAT CORN? These and other eternal questions shall be answered in future chapters of the Perils of Petunia Pap Smear. Q

describe as a “High Pressure Disposal Of Hazardous Waste:” most of the buffet, which now was puree. My body decided it was the proper time to “Clear Out Some Inventory” and “Carpet Bombed Afghanistan” with “Dispensing some Soft-Serve.”

Oh the horror! Oh the mess!

Oh the stench!

Miss Manners never prepared me how to handle this magnitude of a social faux pas.

How does one discretely and politely excuse himself from having created an EPA Super Fund cleanup site? Hastily, I picked up the dildo by the handle and in doing so, some of the “Bloop-Bloop” came with it and was flung up into my hair. My “Gentleman Caller” was totally at a loss for how to behave.

Should he help? Should he run?

I excused him with a terse “I need to clean up.”

Luckily, there was a bathroom next to my room. It was difficult to unlock and open my door without spreading the contamination to the door knob. Finally I emerged, naked, limping from where the dildo had struck my ankle, holding the dildo in one hand, and my bathroom kit in the other, dripping “Montezuma’s Revenge” from my hair, and ankle and other places. “Frustratingly, the bathroom was occupied and locked. I proceeded to the next one and it was also unavailable.

So I proceeded down the hall

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The tale of the ‘big don’t’

March 2017 | issue 265 | Qsaltlake.com

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 55

10

56 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Qsaltlake.com | issue 265 | MARCH 2017

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