QSaltLake Magazine - February 2018 Issue

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FEBRUARY 2018 VOL. 15 • ISSUE 276 QSALTLAKE.COM

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from the publisher

In the name of love

BY MICHAEL AARON

Love is

a many splendored thing.

Love lifts us up where we belong.

All you need is love.

I was made for loving you baby.

One night in the name of love.

I can’t survive without your sweet love.

Oh, baby don’t leave me this way.

You’d think that people would have enough of silly love songs.

I look around me and I see it isn’t so, oh no.

Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs.

Well, what’s wrong with that.

We two boys together clinging One the other never leaving, Up and down the roads going — North and South excursions making, Power enjoying — elbows stretching — fingers clutching Arm’d and fearless — eating, drinking, sleeping, loving, No law less than ourselves owning — sailing, soldiering, thieving, threatening, Misers, menials, priests alarming — air breathing, water drinking, on the turf or the seabeach dancing, Cities wrenching, ease scorning, statutes mocking, feebleness chasing, Fulfilling our foray.

Alright, enough of that.

But my point is that love is probably the most sung about topics, and we dedicate an issue each year to it — how to date and fall in love, how to keep the love alive, and how to show your love in bed (or in an elevator or the mountains...).

There was a time in the not-too-distant past where all people thought of our community was the things we do in bed. And, while they were doing the same things in bed, they would look down on us and call us bad names.

Oh, what a difference a Supreme Court decision makes.

Not to mention Will & Grace, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Ellen and a slew people coming out, gay-straight alliances, guncles, Hollywood, Obama, and Walt Whitman, to name a few.

Pretty heavy and controversial stuff in the 1890s.

Pretty easy to find actual videos of such things within seconds today.

But the emotions of love, the pounding in the chest, the intake of breath as an object of desire passes by, the flushing of the face, the stirring in the loins — none of that has changed.

While the world may be more base with the ease of online dating, porn, sex parties, peeing on future presidents there is still naivete, childlike fantasies, hoping, yearning, and innocent desire in love.

While pessimism, fear, anger, and angst may, for a time, blind the world to the powers of love and romance, let’s hope for ourselves and others that we can eventually whisk those away.

Because love is a many splendored thing.. Q

QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 7

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8 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

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news The top national and world news you should know from last month Trump fires remaining HIV/ AIDS council members The White House has fired the remaining 16 members of the Presidential Advisory Council on HIV/AID. Six members of the council had earlier resigned because as one member said, “A president who simply does not care.

We’re outta here.” The Office of National AIDS Policy slot in the White House now needs a new director. PACHA was created in 1995 to provide information, advice, and recommendations to the U.S. Secretary of HHS. This kind of turnover is not rare. During the Obama administration, nearly all of the previous appointees were dismissed, apparently with no gnashing of teeth, at the beginning of the administration.

Ryan Murphy: “Biggest LGBT cast in history” FX has greenlighted a new Ryan Murphy show, Pose, a musical dance drama centered around ball culture in 1980s New York. “[It’s] a dance musical and an affirming look at American life in the 1980s,” Murphy said in a statement.

The first season will feature 50-plus LGBTQ characters, a record in American television history. Pose is scheduled to begin production in New York for a summer 2018 premiere on FX.

South Bend proposal accepted South Bend Mayor, Pete Buttigieg, a possible 2020 presidential candidate, Pete announced that he would marry Chasten Glezman, a school teacher in South Bend. Buttigieg wrote a revealing essay in 2015, in which he admitted it was difficult for him to accept his sexual orientation for a long time. He also expressed an interest in starting a family.

Elected in 2012, Buttigieg is also a lieutenant in the Naval Reserves, a Harvard graduate, and a Rhodes Scholar. He ran for DNC chair this year.

Let them eat cake The Oregon Court of Appeals ruled against Sweet Cakes owners Aaron and Melissa Klein, who refused to make a cake for a lesbian couple’s wedding. The lesbian couple filed a complaint with the Bureau of Labor and won. The Kleins were ordered to pay $135,000 in damages — not for discriminating, but for encouraging their supporters to harass the couple. The court rejected the argument that wedding cakes are a form of creative expression and being forced to create a “celebratory message” violates First Amendment rights. The opinion ruled, “Their cakes, even when custom-designed for a ceremonial occasion, are still cakes made to consume.”

Gay prince to open LGBT center With the Indian Supreme Court pledging to reopen 100-year-old “anti-gay” laws to ensure civil rights protections, Prince Manvendra of India, who came out as gay in 2006 and faced significant backlash, as a result, is now seeking to open an LGBT center on his family’s royal grounds. The center will feature support

groups, a music therapy room, a health care clinic, and more, as well as seek to bring visibility to a community that still faces stigma.

When asked what it was like being a gay athlete, Rippon responded, “It’s exactly like being a straight athlete, only with better eyebrows.”

Mississippi recusal law stays in place

Pink Pussy Hats a hot-button topic

SCOTUS won’t hear two cases concerning a Mississippi law that allows some businesses and government workers to refuse to recognize same-sex marriage or deny services based on their religious beliefs. The law allows any person employed by the state government who has the authority to issue licenses to recuse themselves from licensing a same-sex marriage, but requires them to “take all necessary steps to ensure any legally valid marriage is not impeded or delayed as a result of any recusal.” A lower court dismissed the challenge ruling that plaintiffs did not have “standing” to bring the case to court. However, it also left open the possibility of another challenge.

The Detroit Free Press Reports a controversy about the Pink Pussy Hat that became famous in 2017. Some Women’s March Michigan participants say the hat is exclusionary to transgender women, gender non-binary people, and nonwhite women “because their genitals are more likely to be brown than pink.”

“I won’t wear one because if it hurts even a few people’s feelings, then I don’t feel like it’s unifying,” said Phoebe Hopps, founder and president of Women’s March Michigan.

LaShawn Erby, of Black Lives Matter–Lansing, declined to talk about her views on pussy hats other than to say, “It is a problem. You know, nobody can speak from your experience but you, so it is important that people that look like you, that have experiences like you should represent you.”

Really? The first openly gay figure skater Though it may seem counterintuitive, Adam Rippon, a 28-year-old figure skater, will be the first openly gay man to compete for the United States in the Winter Olympics.

He joins Nathan Chen and Vincent Zhou at the February games in S. Korea. What’s historic is he’s the oldest U.S. male skater since 1938 to compete in the Olympics.

Rippon may end up sharing this historic moment with U.S. freestyle skier, Gus Kenworthy who came out publicly in 2015 if Kenworthy is selected to compete in Pyeongchang.

Chinese government mining Grindr?

The Chinese company, The Kunlun Group, has acquired the “dating app,” Grindr. The move is raising alarms among officials and experts that track Chinese intelligence and foreign influence operations in the United States. The Chinese government is sweeping up massive amounts of data on not only its citizens but also Americans and others, as part of an effort to build files on foreigners for intelligence purposes. Grindr officials said that “privacy and security of users’ personal data is a top priority” and insists that “Grindr remains a U.S. company governed and protected by the laws of the United States.”

10 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

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Utah Supreme Court hears arguments on denial of transgender marker changes Two transgender Weber County residents went to the Utah Supreme Court after being denied changes in their gender marker on their birth certificate. Such changes are routinely given by judges across the state, but Second District Judge Noel Hyde ruled in both cases that Utah law was not specific enough for him to rule in their favor.

“Regardless of the sincerity or intensity of the desire of any individual to display any particular physical appearance, some biological facts are not subject to voluntary modification,” Hyde wrote while denying Sean Childers-Gray his gender maker change in December of 2016.

Salt Lake attorney Christopher Wharton went before the Utah Supreme Court to present arguments on behalf of Childers-Gray of Ogden and Angie Rice of Mountain Green.

Wharton had barely introduced himself before Judge Thomas R. Lee started barraging him with questions of jurisdiction, procedure, and questions of whether the Utah State Legislature should have placed the task of name and gender changes to an administrative office.

Wharton replied that nearly all states, including Utah, have people go through the court system for such decisions because only courts can look at common law and other cases to help make their determination. New York is an “outlier,” he said, since they use the Office of Vital Records to make determinations of such changes.

Lee asked if Wharton thought it would be better if the state did have these decisions go through the department of health or office of vital records. Wharton replied that is not the current case in Utah, nor did he think it would be a better way of making these decisions.

Lee called this question “a brand new frontier” and wondered aloud why the

state of Utah had declined to weigh in on the case. Courts, he said, generally resolved matters between two parties. With an empty table across from Wharton, Lee was “uncomfortable” in the court setting precedent in the matter.

The Utah Attorney General’s Office filed a brief last year basically saying the state would not care to be involved in the decision, saying the office could only address a hypothetical which could delay the proceedings.

Wharton said that judges in courts around the state routinely rule in favor of birth certificate name and gender changes.

“I get there is a downside in not having an opposing position,” Wharton told the court, “but I think it’s noteworthy that the majority of these petitions have been unopposed because this is a policy that is working in Utah,” he said.

“In my experience since 2009, these matters were routinely approved,” Wharton testified.

Two judges, however, denied gender changes in the past year, including Hyde in Ogden and Judge Bruce C. Lubeck of the Third Judicial District Court in West Jordan.

Utah Code Section 26-2-11 states: “When a person born in this state has a name change or sex change approved by an order of a Utah district court or a court of competent jurisdiction of another state or a province of Canada, a certified copy of the order may be filed with the state registrar with an application form provided by the registrar.”

Other than Lee, other Supreme Court justices seemed to lean toward at least the understanding that the court had jurisdiction and that the legislature had specifically determined the Judicial System be the arbiter of name and gender changes.

Justice Paige Petersen was making her

ISSUE 276 | FEBRUARY 2018

first appearance behind the bench and sat silently through most of the testimony until the end, where she asked whether “The petitioner has to show the requested change actually reflects their gender identity.”

Yes, said Wharton, who had earlier explained that common law weighs doctor testimony and how the petitioner presents themselves publicly to make determinations.

In summary, Wharton testified, “I would ask that this court recognize the legislature’s intent in the statutes and dignify the need for congruity between vital records and a person’s actual reality.”

As the testimony, originally scheduled to last 20 minutes but went on for just under two hours, wound down, Chief Justice Matthew B. Durrant specifically mentioned that Wharton had made thorough and compelling arguments in both his brief and in testimony.

Childers-Gray and Rice met with reporters outside the chambers.

Asked how she thought the testimony went, Rice said, “In my heart, I think the only thing I can think to say is that I hope God and the law guide their judgment.”

She said that it is important that all people going through the process be treated fairly, “no matter what city or town they live in.”

“I think it will be a close vote,” she said.

“I think it brings to light that the standard ought not to be political or theological; it’s a life issue and a civil issue to us, and that standard should not be different based on where you live or what judge you get to see.”

Childers-Gray said he believes he and Rice were “chosen” for this fight since they have the strength to stand up to it.

“We won’t stop fighting,” he said. “We go until we can’t go anymore.”

Childers-Gray is a graphic designer who has been involved in the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire, the Salt City Kings, and the Imperial Rainbow Court of Northern Utah.

Rice is a veteran who has been recognized as the first openly transgender public education teacher in Utah, attracting national media attention from The Wall Street Journal, the Associated Press, and People Magazine.

She said that she has had issues at the airport while traveling under identification which properly designates her name, but misgenders her.

The court has not set a date for a decision. Q

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Gay restaurant owners sue Wyoming town for anti-gay discrimination A gay couple who owns a restaurant and bar in a small Wyoming town three hours north of Salt Lake filed a federal lawsuit against their mayor and city council saying they were treated differently than other business owners because of their sexuality.

Marc and Rusty Andrus bought a property that had been on the market for eight years on Main Street in Thayne, Wyoming, population 366. In the past two years, they remodeled the restaurant, bringing it up to code as a family restaurant for residents and visitors of Star Valley.

The couple, who lived in Utah before marrying in Palm Springs, Calif., in December 2013, remodeled the building with a cowboy flair to open Rustler’s Restaurant and Saloon. When they applied for a bar and grill license through the town of Thayne to serve alcohol, all hell seemed to break loose.

In the two years since they bought the space, they say the town mayor and city council, and some residents gave them more trouble than other restaurant owners. Their lawsuit says they were discriminated against because they’re gay, violating their due process rights.

In early 2016, the couple went to a special town council meeting in hopes of receiving an alcohol license. It was there they realized things were different for them than other business owners.

The couple had previously been required to have a certain number of off-street parking spaces and proof that all food and drink servers were TIPS certified, showing they knew how to serve alcohol and recognize when a person had over-imbibed. Other similar businesses in the town didn’t have to comply with either of these regulations.

“Plaintiffs were subjected to verbal accusations and hostility from multiple members of the Town Council. Defendant Council Members Joe Heward and Lorell Woolley repeatedly and very publicly accused Plaintiffs of being deceitful without any basis for such accusations whatsoever,” the suit reads.

The suit also says the citizens who attended the meeting made “hostile gay slurs” about the Andruses.

At the meeting, Mayor DeLand Lainhart said that the town would collect sales tax receipts monthly and threatened to close the bar if they found an inappropriate food-to-alcohol sales ratio.

Wyoming law states businesses with such licenses are to be audited yearly to ensure receipts were in order.

town didn’t enforce parking ordinances equally as with other similar businesses.

The Andruses also accused the town of not listing them on the official website like other restaurants. However, after filing the suit, the restaurant is now included on the site.

Lainhart also threatened to enter the restaurant regularly to make sure the grill was on; if not he would shut the business down. He also ordered the couple to build a fence around the parking lot, though there was no town regulation requiring it.

Lainhart and the town council threatened that the restaurant and grill license would cost $10,500, though ordinances set the fee at $1,500.

Ultimately, the town gave the couple the alcohol license, and later the mayor told them the local Mormon leader had approved of giving it to them. When they asked why that mattered, the mayor allegedly said, the leader “represented the people of Thayne.”

In the year that followed, the Andruses said that random drunkards who walked into the restaurant from nearby bars subjected them to homophobic abuse and the town did nothing to stop it. Drunk patrons leaving those bars twice drove through their fence. They also say the

The suit goes into painstaking detail on many provisions other bars in the town violate, including admitting under-aged people, patrons leaving with open containers, and over-serving, that have gone unaddressed even when it was clear that Rustler’s would be “closed down” over minor infractions.

When the Andruses addressed the town council about being singled out for infractions and spelled out several against the bar next door, the mayor said, “We try hard to treat everyone the same,” and the town doesn’t favor any businesses. “We want everyone to live by the same rules and not single anyone out,” he said.

The town, however, did single Rustler’s out by doubling the fee for renewing its restaurant and grill alcohol license.

The Andruses closed Rustler’s for Winter, and plan to reopen in April.

Lainhart and members of the town council will not comment on the lawsuit, and the Andruses have not discussed it with the press. Q

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Trump nominates lawyer who backed Prop 8, says homosexuality is a choice to Utah District court President Donald Trump nominated to the U.S. District Court in Utah a lawyer who backed California’s Proposition 8, argued the judge in the case should recuse himself because he is gay, and has said homosexuality is a choice.

Progressive judicial monitoring group Alliance for Justice released an extensive report on Howard C. Nielson, Jr., whose nomination has been referred to the Senate Judiciary Committee opposing his confirmation.

Nielson, the latest in a string of problematic judicial nominees, was among the attorneys for the plaintiffs in Hollingsworth v.

Perry, the case involving Prop. 8, a voter-approved state constitutional amendment that temporarily banned same-sex marriage in California. California state officials refused to defend Prop. 8 in court, so the amendment’s supporters took up the defense.

After Chief Judge Vaughn Walker, of the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of California, ruled in 2010 that Prop. 8 violated the U.S. Constitution, Nielson filed a motion to nullify the ruling, arguing Walker should have recused himself from the case because he was in a same-sex relationship The motion was denied by another judge.

Also during the Prop. 8 case, Nielson argued that sexual orientation was a choice rather than an innate characteristic and “disputed the effects of discrimination on LGBTQ individuals, such as increased rates of depression and attempted suicide,” the AFJ reported.

After Prop * was overturned, Nielson also filed a brief in Obergefell v. Hodges, the samesex marriage case heard at the Supreme Court in 2015. He contended that marriage must remain an exclusively opposite-sex union because “in particular, through the institution of marriage, societies seek to increase the likelihood that children will be born and raised in stable and enduring family units by both the mothers and the fathers who brought them into this world.”

Nielson co-authored an amicus brief in Whole Woman’s Health v. Hellerstedt that argued the Supreme Court should uphold restrictive abortion regulations in Texas that required all outpatient abortion providers meet untenable standards that would have shut down many women’s health facilities Nielson is a graduate of Brigham Young University and the University of Chicago Law School. He is the son of former Utah Rep. Howard C. Nielson Sr. Q

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publisher/editor Michael Aaron

ASSISTANT editor Tony Hobday designer Christian Allred sales Craig Ogan, 801-997-9763 x1 sales@qsaltlake.com national advertising representatives: Rivendell Media, 212-242-6863 sales@rivendellmedia.com Motivate Media, 858-272-9023 contributors Joshua Adamson Pickett, Diane Anderson-Minshall, Chris Azzopardi, Paul Berge, Jeff Berry, Dave Brousseau, Paul Campbell, Tyson Daley, Mikki Enoch, Jack Fertig, Greg Fox, Charles Lynn Frost, Oriol Gutierrez Jr., Ryan Haymore, Tony Hobday, Joshua Jones, Christopher Katis, Rock Magen, Sam Mills, Mikey Rox, Gregg Shapiro, Petunia Pap Smear, Steven Petrow, Ed Sikov, Elaine Stehel, Ben ­Williams, D’Anne ­Witkowski distribution Bradley Jay Crookston,

Randy Bodily, Alana Luckart publisher

Q Media Group 222 S Main St, Ste 500 (by appt. only) Salt Lake City, Utah 84101 tel: 801-997-9763

Openly lesbian and gay elected officials sworn in The Salt Lake City Council now has three openly gay or lesbian members, with incoming members Chris Wharton and Amy Fowler joining Derek Kitchen (center). Ogden city voters re-elected openly lesbian Marcia White for their city council. Midvale elected openly gay Dustin Gettel for city council.

Other openly gay elected leaders in the state are Salt Lake City Mayor Jackie Biskupski and State Sen. Jim Dabakis

CONTACT EMAILS: general: info@qsaltlake.com editorial: editor@qsaltlake.com ARTS: arts@qsaltlake.com sales: sales@qsaltlake.com

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QSaltLake Magazine is a trademark of Salt Lick Publishing, LLC., dba Q Media Group Copyright © 2018, Salt Lick Publishing, LLC. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted or reproduced without written permission from the publisher. 8–12,000 copies are distributed free of charge at over 300 locations across the state. Free copies are limited to one per person. For additional copies, call 801-997-9763. It is a crime to dispose of current issues or otherwise interfere with the distribution of this magazine. Printed in the USA on recycled paper. Please recycle this copy when done.

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Seven cities, counties call on Utah lawmakers to pass a tougher hate crime law Utah passed hate crime legislation in 1992 after years of debate and successful attempts to water the law down.

“Incredibly, our state’s law doesn’t even mention the words ‘bias’ or ‘prejudice.’

It also doesn’t mention ‘race,’ ‘sexual orientation,’ or ‘gender identity,’” wrote Equality Utah in a statement. “Only misdemeanors can be prosecuted as hate crimes.”

Even more incredible, the group says, is that no one in Utah has ever been convicted of a hate crime.

No one.

During the 20 years since the law passed, Utah law enforcement agencies reported 1,279 hate crimes, Equality Utah points out.

Seven cities and counties and three criminal justice organizations have passed resolutions calling on state lawmakers to pass meaningful hate crime legislation.

These cities include Midvale, Moab, West Jordan, West Valley City, Beaver County, Salt Lake City, and Salt Lake County. They are joined by the Utah Sheriff’s Association, Statewide Association of Prosecutors, and Utah Law Enforcement Legislative Council.

The Salt Lake Tribune also called for stricter laws in its editorial pages.

“State prosecutors need a tool to prosecute hate crimes. We don’t criminalize thought in America. But when hateful thought turns to hateful violence, criminals should be punished. Utah law should be strong enough to deter such activity and protect minority populations against hate crimes,” they wrote. “To hurt one person in a way that threatens others like them is what terrorists do. We don’t want terrorists in Utah.”

Salt Lake City’s resolution explains why hate crime legislation is essential.

“When a criminal deliberately targets a victim because of ancestry, disability, ethnicity, sex, gender identity, national origin, race, religion, or sexual orientation to deprive them of their unalienable right to life, liberty, property, or to pursue happiness, other members of that community are deeply affected, a is society as a whole.”

They, therefore, call on the Utah Legislature to pass more meaningful

legislation.

“Stronger tools to address crime in which the offender targets victims can assist law enforcement in building better relations and trust within communities, and more appropriately punish the people who commit these vicious acts.”

Sen. Daniel Thatcher is pushing his bill forward again this year. Senate Bill 86, titled, “Victim Targeting Penalty Enhancements,” provides for an “enhanced penalty for a criminal offense if the offender acted against an individual because of the offender’s perception of the individual’s ancestry, disability, ethnicity, gender, gender identity, national origin, race, religion, or sexual orientation.”

Penalties under this bill would be increased by one level if a misdemeanor and would impose minimum sentencing if a felony.

Thatcher’s attempt last year failed to even get a public hearing.

“Last year, we didn’t have the policy conversation,” he said as West Jordan was discussing its resolution. “Last year, the argument was made that there’s no inter-

Utah State Sen. Daniel Thatcher, R-West Valley City

est in this issue. Well, I think cities and counties can help us settle that argument.

I believe there is interest in this issue. I believe our cities and counties can help us make that clear.”

Thatcher is a Republican senator representing Salt Lake and Tooele Counties. Q A thorough write-up on hate crime legislation is on the Equality Utah website, equalityutah.org/issues/hatecrimes

Gordon Ray Church’s killer seeks stay of execution for ‘intellectual disability’ After many attempts in his nearly 30 years in prison to appeal his death sentence for the brutal slaying of a young gay man in southern Utah, lawyers for murderer Michael Archuleta are seeking to halt his execution because he is “intellectually disabled.”

“If he is intellectually disabled he may not be executed,” Michael Archuleta attorney Charlotte Merrill told Utah Supreme Court justices, citing a decision by the U.S. Supreme Court.

State lawyers charged that Archuleta is just working the system.

“A guilty person on death row has every incentive to wait until the last possible minute to gum up claims,” Utah Assistant Solicitor General Aaron Murphy testified.

Merrill, countered that her client’s previous counsel was “conflicted, under-qualified and underfunded” and failed to see the “red flags” of Archuleta’s intellectual disability.

The claim was first made through federal court, but because the state hadn’t ruled on the matter, it was sent to the Utah Supreme Court.

The court has taken the matter under advisement and will issue a written ruling at a later date.

On Thanksgiving, 1988, Archuleta and Lance Conway Wood met 28-year-old drama student Gordon Ray Church in a Cedar City convenience store, then went to nearby Cedar Canyon where the two men had Church exit the vehicle on the premise of robbing him. They severely beat and tortured him by shocking his testicles with battery cables before raping him with a tire iron and burying him in a shallow grave.. Q

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LDS Church President Thomas S. Monson’s legacy largely LGBT-related Thomas S. Monson, president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, died January 2 in his home in Salt Lake City surrounded by family, according to a statement by the church. He died at age 90 from causes incident to age.

Monson had served as president of the church since February 2008.

The nine years he was president might have seen more involvement with LGBT issues than any time in its history.

PROPOSITION 8 In June of his first year, Monson sent a letter to California congregations directing them to get involved in the Proposition 8 battle to constitutionally define marriage as only between a man and a woman.

“In March 2000 California voters overwhelmingly approved a state law providing that ‘Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.’ The California Supreme Court recently reversed this vote of the people. On November 4, 2008, Californians will vote on a proposed amendment to the California state constitution that will now restore the March 2000 definition of marriage approved by the voters,” Monson wrote in the letter. “The Church’s teachings and position on this moral issue are unequivocal. Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God, and the formation of families is central to the Creator’s plan for His children. Children are entitled to be born within this bond of marriage.”

“We ask that you do all you can to support the proposed constitutional amendment by donating of your means and time to assure that marriage in California is legally defined as being between a man and a woman. Our best efforts are required to preserve the sacred institution of marriage,” the letter ended.

Mormons donated hundreds of thousands of dollars and went door-to-door, and the LDS Church produced slick television ads that flooded the California airwaves.

When Proposition 8 passed in the state, the church was protested by large numbers of LGBT people and allies,

including around 5,000 surrounding the Salt Lake Temple just 36 hours after the vote. A similar protest happened that same night in Los Angeles, drawing an estimated 10,000 as a website released a list of Mormon donors to the “Yes on 8” campaign. A second protest the following month drew many more to the Salt Lake Temple.

The LDS Church then released a statement, calling the same-sex marriage debate an “emotionally charged issue,” and asked for people to “act in a spirit of mutual respect and civility toward those with a different position.”

“No one on any side of the question should be vilified, intimidated, harassed or subject to erroneous information,” the statement read.

In all, the church released six statements in an effort to end the protests and anger against it.

When the California Supreme Court ruled Proposition 8 as constitutionally valid, the church released a statement welcoming the decision, which ended with “The Church believes that serious discussion of these issues is not helped when extreme elements on both sides of the debate demonize the other.”

SALT LAKE CITY ANTIDISCRIMINATION ORDINANCE In 2009, the church supported a Salt Lake City ordinance banning discrimination against gays in jobs and housing, and people wondered if the church was beginning to soften its stance on homosexuality.

REFLECT CHRIST In 2010, the church responded to a petition circulated by the Human Rights Campaign which decried a speech given by notoriously anti-gay Boyd K. Packer.

While they didn’t distance themselves from his rhetoric, they did ask for compassion for gay and lesbian people.

“This Church has felt the bitter sting of persecution and marginalization early in our history, when we were too few in numbers to adequately protect ourselves and when society’s leaders often seemed disinclined to help. Our parents, young adults, teens and children should,

therefore, of all people, be especially sensitive to the vulnerable in society and be willing to speak out against bullying or intimidation whenever it occurs, including unkindness toward those who are attracted to others of the same sex. This is particularly so in our own Latter-day Saint congregations. Each Latter-day Saint family and individual should carefully consider whether their attitudes and actions toward others properly reflect Jesus Christ’s second great commandment — to love one another,” the statement read, in part.

Then in early 2011, the church’s BYU Honor Code was updated to remove the ban on any “advocacy of homosexual behavior” defined as “promoting homosexual relations as being morally acceptable.”

MORMONANDGAY WEBSITE In 2012, the church created mormonandgay.lds.org “in an effort to encourage understanding and civil conversation about same-sex attraction.” The website states that “individuals do not choose to have such attractions,” a stance that dif-

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fers from earlier teachings. Of course, the sentence goes on to say, “they do choose how to respond to them.”

APOSTACY But changes to its policy handbook in 2015, the church would reintroduce the hard line it has on same-sex marriage after the U.S. Supreme Court ruled against California in its Prop 8 appeal. In a section defining apostasy, the church added the line “4. Are in a same-gender marriage,” and that, “A natural or adopted child of a parent living in a same-gender relationship, whether the couple is married or cohabiting, may not receive a name and a blessing,” before being of legal age, and even then, “specifically disavows the practice of same-gender cohabitation and marriage.” Further, the child could no longer live with the samesex couple to be eligible to be baptized into the church.

The changes set off another firestorm in the public realm, and many people began resigning their memberships to the church. A church spokesman said that 1,500 resignations were received following one rally outside the Church Office Building.

Monson tweeted. “I plead with you to avoid anything that will deprive you of your happiness here in mortality and eternal life in the world to come.”

Expected successor to the presidency, Russell M. Nelson, head of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, said that the policy was given to Monson as a revelation from God. “Each of us during that sacred moment felt a spiritual confirmation,” Nelson said.

“It was our privilege as apostles to sustain what had been revealed to President Monson.”

EXCOMMUNICATIONS Excommunications over the past few years of prominent LDS policy detractors have also led to mass resignations.

Church growth has steadily declined since 2014. In 2008 when Monson was installed as president, church growth was at 2.6 percent year-over-year. Since 2014, growth has slowed to 1.56 percent.

Church resignations spiked in 2014 at over 40,000 — nearly four-fold over those in 2008.

Estimates for yearly tithing income show the church brought in $8 billion in 2016 and a membership of 15,882,417. Q

New LDS leader not likely to change LGBT policies 93-year-old Russell M. Nelson succeeded Thomas S. Monson as the 17th president ofThe Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

His election and the selection of Dallin H. Oaks, 85, as first counselor and Henry B. Eyring, 84 as second counselor indicates no change in the church’s controversial LGBT policies and the status of women.

Dieter F Uchtdorf, born in East Germany, 77, who was second counselor, returned to his place in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. Former car dealer, M. Russell Ballard, 89, has been named the acting president of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

Nelson, who was a renowned heart surgeon, is the second-oldest apostle in Mormon history to assume the presidency.

During the news conference, new LDS leaders were asked about the 2015 pronouncement that LGBT LDS married couples are “apostates” and forbids their children under the age of 18 from religious rites. Nelson previously said the policy came as a “Revelation from God.” Both Nelson and Oaks emphasized that

LGBT people are welcome, but noted the LDS leaders must preach the apparently contradictory God’s love and God’s law.

“There are commandments of God [and] challenges to enter his holy presence,” Nelson said.

Oaks said God, “Has given us commandments and a plan to achieve the highest blessings. As leaders of the church, we have a responsibility to teach love and also the commandments of God and the high destination he has for his children. ... It’s the love of the Lord [balanced with] the law of the Lord.”

Since the church’s all-male priesthood precludes women from its highest governing councils, Nelson noted “we have women on our councils, women administering ordinances in the temples. We depend on their voices. We need their voices, their input and we love their participation with us.”

Eyring conceded that there is concern about women not getting recognition in the church, but “in terms of influence, the Lord has already given it to them. I think [there is] no greater influence [that] exists in the kingdom.” Q

GAY WRITES

A DiverseCity Series writing group A program of Salt Lake Community College’s Community Writing Ctr. The group meets the 2nd and 4th Monday of each month, 6:30-8 pm, Salt Lake City Library Square, 210 E. 400 South, Ste. 8, Salt Lake.

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Kate Kendell, Cliff Rosky headline Equality Utah brunch Equality Utah’s has announced its annual PAC Brunch to be held Feb. 10 at Red Butte Garden. This year’s brunch will feature keynote speaker Kate Kendell, executive director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights. She will expound her work with the NCLR and how Utahns can contribute to the organization’s efforts in the future.

Also speaking will be former EU Board chair Clifford Rosky, recipient of the Champion of Equality Award for his efforts in repealing Utah’s anti-gay curriculum laws (also known as “No Promo Homo”) for youth in Utah. Rosky is a professor of constitutional law at the University of Utah

and was instrumental in establishing Equality Utah as a force in Utah politics.

Equality Utah Political Action Committee endorses candidates and supports their campaigns with volunteer efforts and financial contributions. Through the efforts of EUPAC, EU works to expand the number of fair-minded elected officials in state and municipal government. In the 2017 election cycle, the organization successfully assisted nine candidates to win their elections. EU anticipates more important contributions in 2018.

EU says the country is facing incredible challenges, citing “The manufactured fear

and anxiety in our country has further divided an already fractured nation. The stakes are high.” According to the organization, “The promise of America — the promise that everyone has the right to equality — is at risk for too many.” EU invites all to join them to renew the fight

for political action and join “the regeneration of hope in a bright, common future.”

Red Butte Garden Orangerie, 300 Wakara Way, University of Utah. Registration begins at 9 a.m., the program starts 10 a.m. Tickets to the event are available at equt. org/2018pac. Q

New Mormon leader dismayed Utah HIV/AIDS and gay activists in 1992

Those in the Rose Park/Fairpark areas may recognize this car, hand-painted by transgender activist Rachel Edwards. Friends were able to raise $1000 towards repairs for the car, so that she could drive it to the Women’s March in Las Vegas on January 21. It was her dream to show a statement at the March for for all transgender women, fund organizer Genevra H Prothero said.

PHOTO: ERIC GRANATO

Speaking at the semi-annual LDS Conference in October, 1992, then-Elder Russell M. Nelson spoke on “Where is Wisdom,” where he invoked Leviticus Chapter 15 and blamed gay activists for HIV/ AIDS. From the Deseret News: “Activists in behalf of AIDS victims spoke out Wednesday, asking for compassion and understanding toward those who suffer from the deadly disease.

“During a news conference at the Utah AIDS Foundation office, several AIDS victims and officers of the organization expressed dismay over comments made Saturday by Elder Russell M. Nelson of the Council of the Twelve of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.Speaking at the church’s semi-annual general conference, Elder Nelson said that the church is seriously concerned with the increasing incidence of human infection

with HIV and variant viruses and the associated outbreak of AIDS. ‘‘‘An epidemic has been forecast — a plague fueled by a vocal few who exhibit greater concern for civil rights than for public health — a plague abetted by the immoral,’ the church leader said.

“Addressing Elder Nelson’s comments, AIDS officials said the foundation has worked for years to overcome the stigma associated with AIDS. ‘One of the reasons why this epidemic is so rampant is because many continue to discuss this grave public health threat in a political and moral context,’ said LaDonna Moore, executive director of the AIDS Foundation.

“It’s difficult to stop an epidemic when people can’t feel safe in disclosing their HIV status and fear judgment, she said.” Q

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Peter Christie elected to International Court council Community leader and former Emperor of the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire, Peter Christie was appointed to the Privy Council of the International Court System.

The RCGSE is a stalwart of Utah’s LGBT community since its founding in 1976. Organized around a “Court” system, the group has “elected” royal titles. It is a chapter of the ICS, which has affiliations in 68 cities in the U.S., Mexico, and Canada.

Peter was first chosen as King of Hearts, a pageant title, in 1991. He then was named Mr. Gay Utah from 1992– 1993. In 1993 he was chosen as Prince Royale XVIII and became Emperor XX in 1995.

Peter is well known as a principal figure at Ballet West. His career as a dancer, teacher, and administrator with Ballet West began in 1982 when then-artistic director Bruce Marks met him at a New York City audition and asked him to come to Utah.

What could have been a career-ending injury — shattering knee cartilage while dancing — had turned into an opportunity. Ballet West asked him to develop a position teaching public school students about ballet and dance. In his first year, Peter launched ICANDO, an acronym for “Inspiring Children About Not Dropping

Out,” designed to teach movement in elementary schools, (primarily a Dance 101).

The program still runs today offering almost 500 hours of classroom instruction.

He was also director of the Ballet West Academy, growing the program from one studio to eight, and increasing the enrollment by 70 percent.

As Emperor, Peter built community and out-of-state relationships with other chapters which would bring him and his Empress Sheneka Christie one of the highest attended Coronations when they stepped down.

At the end of his term, Peter committed the RCGSE to create the “Drive of the Spike Scholarship Fund” to assist students financially and achieve future success through education.

After his term as Emperor, Peter was selected “Heir Apparent” from Salt Lake City to serve on the International Court Council. He worked with the previous leader and founder of the ICS, Empress I Jose’ Sarria also known as “Mama Jose’’ and “The Widow Norton.”

“Through the years, Peter has continued to offer guidance, wisdom, and support to the RCGSE, the board of directors, and the reigning Emperor and Empress,” said the current RCGSE Empress Tiana La Shaé. “It is an honor for Peter to be appointed to the Privy Coun-

cil this year and the City of Salt Lake and the RCGSE are very proud to have Peter represent us in this capacity.”

The Privy Council is an advisory board affiliated with the ICS. He will work with ICS Queen Mother I of the Americas Nicole the Great. Peter is among 47 individuals to work with the Queen Mother and give input or feedback on organizational matters. Q

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views

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quotes “Love is when he gives you a piece of your soul, that you never knew was missing.”

— Torquato Tasso, a 16thcentury poet whose works were believed to be emulations of his homosexuality

“It is okay to be gay. You are part of God’s design, no matter what your church or religion says.

You are normal and what you are called to do is to love and find a person to love.”

— Bernard Lynch, a former Irish Catholic priest, said following his wedding ceremony to Billy Desmond on Valentine’s Day 2017

“There’s no justifiable reason for trying to get in the way of two people who love each other.”

— Rashad Evans, mixed martial artist

“There’s this illusion that homosexuals have sex and heterosexuals fall in love.

That’s completely untrue.

Everybody wants to be loved.”

— Boy George

“Gay and lesbian people fall in love. We settle down. We commit our lives to one another. We raise our children. We protect them. We try to be good citizens.”

— California Sen. Sheila Kuehl, D-Santa Monica

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who’s your daddy

Find a match unsnuffed

BY CHRISTOPHER KATIS

One of

my best friends texted me the other day to ask my advice about a date he was going on. He’s another gay dad, who has been single for a couple of years now. Luckily, I had just finished speaking with Tammy Shaklee, Certified Matchmaker, and founder of H4M Matchmaking, exclusively for LGBT singles.

She provided me with some great first date tips. For example, the first date should be a “Dutch” treat; it shouldn’t last more than two hours, and if cocktails are involved, keep it to a two-drink limit. She also told me, “While you should be transparent on a first date about being a parent, it’s important that a potential partner first is attracted to you for you.”

Shaklee got into the gay matchmaking business almost accidentally. She met her husband through an offline matching service and tried to refer a close friend — a successful, single gay dad — to the agency, only to learn it was a straight couples-only organization.

“As an ally, I was stunned,” Shaklee told me. “I immediately started doing focus group research and design to create a gay-exclusive, offline matchmaking company. Five years later, H4M has proudly made thousands of quality introductions all across the country.”

She suggests a good place to possibly find a potential date is MeetUp.com, a social

media platform that allows folks to see like-minded people in their area. Usually, the meetups focus on interests, hobbies, passions, and circumstances — everything from people who are new in town to runners, hikers, tall people, LGBT people, and more.

The idea is to get yourself out there. So don’t discount becoming involved in community and advocacy groups like HRC, the Trevor Project, Equality Utah, or the Pride Center. She also coaches to “shop around” for a new gym, church, coffee house, or grocery store. It exposes you to new people, new neighborhoods, and potentially new singles.

A reality all single gay parents must realize is that they’re not necessarily single — there are the kids to consider. Which is why I was curious to learn Shaklee’s take on when it’s time to introduce the kids to someone you’ve started to date, and when you should try “family dates.”

Shaklee says to remember that every couple (and family) is different and to proceed at a pace that is right for your situation. However, she strongly urges daters not to introduce the person you’re dating to the kids until you’ve had at least four solo dates. The key is open communication.

Don’t rush it and remember to consider how your kids might react to a new person in the family dynamic.

And of course, there’s always the tricky question of intimacy. Shaklee says, “Folks

forget the art of flirting, courting, and the joy of anticipation. Our rules are no sex of any kind on the first or second date. Clients tell me it’s the most anticipated third date they’ve ever had or had in a long time. Again, openly communicating your expectations helps set the foundation for a real relationship.”

There is something that Shaklee added that I want all the single parents to know, “Love doesn’t complete you.

It enriches you and your

life. But rest assured, there are tons of quality singles also valuing and seeking the same things you are. Don’t get discouraged; instead, be determined.”

That wise counsel perfectly complements all the advice I’ve given my buddy over the past few years: The right guy is out there. Go out and find him, because you and the kids are going to rock his world! Q To learn more about H4M Matchmaking or to contact Tammy Shaklee, visit H4M.com.

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lambda lore

The ’70s Mormon crusade against homosexuals

Under

church leaders condemning homosexuality. The articles stated homosexuality was not biological or inborn and that church leaders just wanted to help homosexuals overcome their problem. Homosexuality became synonymous with an alcoholic’s addiction that is curable.

However, Maxine Murdock of the BYU Counseling Center, and Ford McBride, a former psychology student who conducted BYU electroshock aversion experiments, estimated that 4 percent of

letters to the Salt Lake gay newspaper “The Open Door” soliciting responses as part of a crackdown on homosexuals.

He claimed, “Those things were done but, when President Oaks got involved, he said, ‘Cut that out right now.’”

BYU’s Security Chief Robert Kelshaw also admitted that a BYU “detective” had written an unauthorized “gay underground” letter to “The Open Door” in an attempt to entrap homosexuals attending BYU. The admissions confirmed that, in the previous year, an elaborate sting operation was set up by BYU campus security officers to entrap gay students. Security recruited a student named John Neumann who was willing to pose

uals had occurred before the Utah Legislature approved a controversial bill in 1979 giving statewide “peace officer status” to campus security.

Utah’s gay community remained unconvinced that surveillance of cars at the gay clubs with BYU parking stickers had ended. Bob Waldrop, and Joe Redburn, owner of The Sun, told a reporter that they suspected that BYU security officers were still staking out the bar.

The security officers ordinarily had to be appointed “deputy county sheriffs” to function off campus until 1979 when the state legislature granted them extraordinary powers. On May 10, 1979, a new state law went

BYU students, or around 1,200 students, were homosexual.

This result must have been tough for Mormon authorities to accept.

In September 1979, BYU officials admitted to reporters that campus security had staked out bars in Salt Lake City to investigate homosexual activity at the Mormon owned school. Paul Richards, director of public relations for the university, confirmed that security officers had ventured off campus and had written

as a gay man to receive college credit. Neumann wrote a letter for the November 1978 issue of “The Open Door”, stating he wanted to start a “Gay Mormon Underground” group on campus. The ad ran for several issues, well into 1979.

For years wiretapping and warrantless searches had taken place on the Provo campus in an attempt to rid the university of its homosexuals. Richards claimed that the surveillance of homosex-

into effect that gave BYU’s 24 members private security force investigative and arrest powers “rivaling those of the Utah State Police.” At the time, Security Chief Kelshaw assured the public that BYU had no intention of ever using its statewide police authority and that officers were only confining their activities to the BYU campus, which was a lie.

The new police powers given to an arm of the LDS Church alarmed civil liber-

BY BEN WILLIAMS

the leadership of Spencer W. Kimball, the Mormon crusade against homosexuals continued at Brigham Young University for much of the 1970s.

The LDS General Authorities continued to pressure BYU officials who under the administration of Dallin Oaks began campaigns to entrap students participating in homosexual behavior and purge them from the university.

The year 1979 began with an LDS General Authority — Vaughn Featherstone addressing students at a February BYU devotional about charity. Featherstone told his audience: “It has come to our attention that many homosexuals who hide their perversion, in public cry out when among their gay groups, ‘God made us this way. We are still children of God. He understands; he knows our hearts.

We faithfully hold family home evenings; we pray, we attend Church. Why don’t the Brethren understand?

Why will they not listen? We were just made different. It is not our fault. God will surely judge us differently from our brethren.’”

“To condone homosexuality is not an act of charity. Perversion is perversion. Worlds without end, the homosexual cannot be exalted. … It is not charity to give hope where no hope exists.”

In April 1979, BYU’s campus newspaper, “The Daily Universe”, published a series of articles quoting BYU and

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tarian groups who feared the potential abuse of power of a police force responsible only to church officials. Shirley Pedler, director of Utah’s American Civil Liberties Union, shared these concerns.

She said, “The law is blatantly unconstitutional for allowing police power to be used to enforce views, if not exclusively limited to, at least included in church doctrine.”

An expelled BYU student, David Chipman, in July 1979 contacted Neumann who had placed the ad in “The Open Door” on the BYU campus. He was unaware that Neumann was not only a novice decoy but also illegally wired.

David Attridge wrote in his journal dated July 5, 1979, “I met David Chipman who like myself was from New York State ... He related that he went for a ride into the Provo Canyon with another male student who he thought was a person interested in forming a relationship with him. They arrived at a place of privacy and got comfortable. David said in a conversation with this man he touched the man’s leg.”

At that point Neumann screamed into his hidden microphone, “He touched me!

He touched me! Come arrest him!” Unknown to Chipman, BYU had followed him in an unmarked car. The security officers surrounded the vehicle and told Chipman he was under arrest, even though he was not a student. The officers, acting under their new statewide jurisdiction, were not only off-campus but out of Utah County.

Attridge continued, “He was actually followed by security, entrapped by this fellow student, and was under some kind of arrest. He said

he nearly drove off the road several times as the officers from BYU followed behind him back to campus to interrogate him.”

Upon learning of the arrest, Ron Stanger, a Mormon attorney, was outraged at the abuse of power by campus security and became Chipman’s attorney. Stanger wanted the case to be dismissed on the grounds of entrapment and maintained that his client was set up when he responded to a letter published in “The Open Door”.

The Provo judge, who initially tried the case, however, was a Mormon religion instructor at BYU and he refused to dismiss himself from the case for conflict of interest. The judge illegally lowered the charges from “sexual abuse” which could not be proven, to “attempted sexual abuse” and found Chipman guilty.

Chipman appealed the decision to the Utah State Supreme Court, where former BYU President Dallin Oaks then had a seat as a Supreme Court judge. Oaks dismissed himself from the case for conflict of interest, but still, the State Supreme Court upheld the lower court’s decision.

Chipman, financially ruined from court costs and mentally exhausted, gave up and paid the $500 fine for the Class C Misdemeanor.

Attridge later wrote, “I was to learn ... that David [Chipman] had gone to Brother Vaughn Featherstone for counsel. He was told to change his name to David Kennedy and was reported to be married. That was the desperate advice given in those days by men trusted with our eternal life.” Q

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creep of the month

Mike Pence

God bless

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BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI

the people in Colorado who hung up rainbow “Make America Gay Again” banners outside of the home Vice President Mike Pence as his family was staying in during vacation the end of December.

Nobody deserves to be criticized for an anti-LGBTQ past, present, and future more than Pence. His actions as Indiana’s governor and in Congress are well documented, including signing a license to discriminate bill and supporting “reparative” therapy. But because Pence doesn’t Tweet deliriously in the middle of the night or rant incoherently before TV cameras, he’s mostly been ignored by the media at large.

With impeachment on so many 2018 wish lists, it’s crucial that we take a look at the man behind the dark curtain that is Trump’s presidency. Please note that I am not, as some have, arguing that impeaching Trump would leave us with Pence. Therefore impeachment is a bad idea. Trump deserves to lose his job. He is a terrible failure and wholly unfit for office. But Pence, too, needs to go.

I look at it this way: while Trump is a tumor exploding on the surface, Pence is a quiet, slow-growing cancer. Both will kill you, one of them just gets there earlier and more attention.

Trump’s inane first year makes Pence seem almost harmless, but he is anything but that. He supports all of the same policies and certainly would be nominating the same anti-LGBTQ judges for lifetime appointments.

And that’s if Trump is impeached. It’s a big “if.” Republicans control all of the federal government right now. They are not going to impeach their dear leader.

In 2018 the country’s future depends on Democrats or, more importantly, voters choosing Democrats.

Are Democrats perfect? Nope. Not even close. There are so many things that need to be addressed by the Democratic Party, many of the things that the party should have been working much harder

on for decades now, like racism and social inequality. Some Democrats are shitty people who benefit from the status quo and have no interest in changing things.

Those Democrats need to be primaried by people who stand for actual change.

Voting for Democrats doesn’t mean accepting the party where it is. We must push Democrats to be better.

Change is slow. To those marginalized, oppressed, and discriminated against, change feels urgent and demands immediacy. Unfortunately, that’s not how change works. It is incremental. And I understand that people, including myself, have a hard time with the whole “incremental” business. The Democrats are the party of the increment. The progress is slow, but the aim is forward. The Republicans often seem to move much faster than the Democrats (take, for example, the swift pace Trump has been appointing terrible right-wing judges). But the pace is an illusion. The Democrats seem to move slowly in comparison to the GOP only because it takes longer to build a house than it does to burn it to the ground.

And our country is on fire right now.

There’s this idea that our Republic will continue on no matter how we abuse it, but that’s wishful thinking. People who previously weren’t “into” politics are paying attention. We’ve seen thousands take to the streets over this past year to protest the Trump Administration’s harmful and hateful policies. We need all of those people and more to vote.

On New Year’s Eve, writer and civil rights activist Shaun King tweeted, “I sincerely believe that 2018 will be a year of victories. I believe we will win many hard fought battles and will make more progress on other ones than any year in recent memory.”

In other words, 2018 is going to be exhausting, but hopefully in the opposite way of 2017. Q D’Anne Witkowski is a poet, writer, and comedian living with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBT politics for over a decade. Follow her on Twitter @MamaDWitkowski.

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makes it better

Ian Giles and Genderbands.com For many

transgender men, the cost of top surgery (removing the breasts) is prohibitive and can take years to save up the funds. In the meantime, they are required to use uncomfortable binders

Ian Giles of Genderbands.com

to strap the breasts down so people don’t immediately think “female” when they see them. We have seen many creative ways of people going public with their fundraising tactics, from housecleaning to calendars.

While Genderbands was first created for just that — a man’s effort to fund his top surgery — it has now blossomed into an ongoing project to help raise money for others to pay for their top surgery.

Ian Giles started Genderbands in March 2015.

“I set up a free blog and added PayPal buttons, very grassroots,” he said. “I had

almost no money to my name, so I knew I couldn’t afford T-shirts as many guys do for their fundraisers. I found a site that sold silicone wristbands for cheap, in bulk. I used some credit, used a phrase I liked, and bought my first 300 wristbands.”

That phrase was “Pizza rolls, not gender roles.” And while it didn’t cover the full cost of his surgery, it did help.

“I had surgery June 2015 and used credit to pay for it,” he said. “I knew early on that I wanted to continue my fundraising efforts to help others. Many trans guys can’t afford top surgery. I’m friends with many of these guys. I watched as they dealt with deep depression or suicidal thoughts or even attempts because of their severe dysphoria with no hope of surgery. I didn’t have the means to help but I knew I could if Genderbands grew.”

Giles went to work to kick the project into gear with many friends and supporters.

“I was able to add more variety of wristbands, T-shirts, and pins,” he said. “We have plans for more amazing products and fundraising concerts in the future.”

Last November, he started taking applications for his first top surgery grant.

“Our goal for our first grant was $700, a minuscule amount considering the average cost of surgery is $6,000,” he said. “A very successful pride season put us at just over $1,200. I can’t tell you how excited I am for this.”

He took applications through the end of December and will award the grant in the next month or so.

To grow the project, Genderbands will have a fundraising concert this summer.

“We hope to make it an annual thing.

It will feature a few local LGBT musicians, a silent auction, and free food,”

Giles said. He is looking for sponsors to help cover the costs so that more of the money collected can go toward the top surgery fund.

Giles has been traveling to regional Pride celebrations, as well as those in the state, and to conferences like Utah Pride Center’s Genderevolution and Affirmation’s annual conference to sell his merchandise and raise money for the grant.

“We are completely volunteer-run. I hope to eventually get Genderbands to a point that we can pay our hard workers,” he said.

Currently, Genderbands has two kinds of T-shirts, two wristband designs, pronoun and pride flag pins, and an LGBT coloring book. All are available online at genderbands.com.

“We are working on three more products, one of which is a top surgery care package. Our grant winner will receive our first one, before they are even available to the public,” he said.

For the incredible amount of work that Giles puts into the project to help members of the transgender community, QSaltLake thanks him as a person who “Makes it Better.” Q

24 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | LOVE

Qsaltlake.com |

10 red flags you shouldn’t ignore on a first date That First Date You’re getting ready to meet that hot guy or gal you met online or through a close friend for that all-important first date.

Feeling excited and a little nervous, you look hard in the mirror and think to yourself: “Will they like me?

What should I wear? Does my breath smell? Is my muffin-top showing?”

Seriously — going on a first date can be a bit of a challenge. This is particularly true for LGBT people who are new to the dating scene or have been off the market for an extended period of time.

What follows is a list of 10 “Red Flags” while on a first date that should be thought of as potential warning signs that the person may not be a good fit for you.

Some of these red flags are obvious. Some are funny. Others are ones you may not have heard before and should not ignore.

The list is by no means exhaustive.

1.

They just got out of a long-term relationship

This point may seem particularly obvious but the truth is that many fall into the trap of ignoring this red flag. In gay years the phrase “long-term” can often differ from straight folks. As a rule of thumb, two years or more is a good yardstick go by, give or take.

What is important is this — the amount of time they’ve been out of the same-sex relationship. If they were in a five-year relationship and are now out on the market six months after the breakup, they are very likely not going to be emotionally available or emotionally capable of a real relationship again for some time. And if they still live with their ex and claim, “We still live together but are not in a relationship” or anything like that, you need to run.

More tips under this point: • They say you remind him of their “ex” several times during first date • They talk about their ex the entire date or call you by their ex’s name (run!)

• They tell you they want a serious relationship (remember, they just broke up) • They come on too strong and acting like you two are a serious couple.

checking out other 2. They’re people and flirting

Yep, this is one that should seem obvious but is ignored more than folks might think. If you are out on a real date and you’re noticing that the person you are out with is continually checking out others, flirting, or both — it is probably a good indication that they are not for you. There is an off chance that they’re trying to impress you by demonstrating how they can attract other people, but do you really want to deal with that?

And here is another possibility … they’re just not into you. Instead of just telling you that, they flirt with others. This point sucks and is not something you want to hear but checking out others on a first date really is not a good sign for something long term.

Other tips under this red flag: • They keep going on Facebook or Twitter or worse, a dating app.

• They talk about how hot another person is on your first date

3. They wants to go to a bar

Perhaps another obvious warning sign but worth mentioning. If they want to meet you at a local bar for a first date, they probably aren’t the right one for you. The same goes if after your official first date activity, like coffee or dinner, they want to go to “the bars.” It should be a warning sign that they are not long-term material.

The first date should be about getting to know one another. If they are already needing to hang out at a bar on your first date, they likely are not ready to focus on you or a relationship. Some may disagree with this point. You decide.

Some other tips under this red flag: • They tell you they meet all of their dates at bars • They seems to crave attention and needs an audience • Most of their pictures are at clubs and yeah ... bars

4.

They drink too much too fast

Obviously, this is a subjective warning sign however, there are tell-tale things that you should be looking for under this red flag. One of them is the amount of alcohol they are consuming and the speed in which they do it. If you notice that they’re pounding back glass after glass and

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that they are encouraging you to do the same — run.

Look, there is nothing wrong with a few drinks on a first date. However, when it gets to the point that they need to get bombed in order to function, they’re likely not going to be a good match for you.

Same holds true if they show up at your first date stoned. Run like hell.

Other under this red flag: • They want you to get high with them.

• They talk a lot about how much they “party” or “parTay”

have less than one 5. They year of sobriety

Someone in a recovery program for drugs and/or alcohol should be applauded and supported. That, however, does not mean they are ready to start dating. As a general rule of thumb, people in recovery programs, like a 12-step program (AA, CMA, NA…) are encouraged to stay away from the dating scene for at least one year.

This is not a hard and fast rule but is generally encouraged. The reasons are plentiful but the primary one is that they need to be focused on their recovery. A debatable “red flag” perhaps, but one that cannot be ignored.

are rude to wait 6. They staff and others

If the person treats wait staff, box office attendants or others disrespectfully or rudely, they are showing their true colors.

They’re also demonstrating that they’re a jerk and are likely unaware of how uncomfortable their behavior makes you feel. If the person you are out on a first date with is treating people like crap, how do you think they will treat you down the road?

Other tips under this red flag: • Seems to have a quick temper and goes off on small stuff • Does not say “thank you” or “please” when speaking to you or others • Orders people around like they own the place

says they are 7. They straight-acting

This is mostly for gay or bi men. Whenever you hear a man suggest that they “act straight” or are “straight acting” you need to be concerned.

There is a difference between being masculine and “acting,” hiding who you are. And what exactly does “acting straight”

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mean? At its core, it’s called internalized homophobia.

There are many gay men who are masculine and their sexual orientation is not readily obvious.

Other points: • They emphasize their religious beliefs that are known to be anti-gay.

• They identify as a die-hard Republican who supports anti-gay candidates • They share that they are “confused” about their sexuality (run!)

They are looking to 8. hook up immediately before or after the date If you are getting the vibe on your first date that person looking to hook up or otherwise mess around, this may be a fairly good indication that they are really not interested in dating. This particular point is not to judge, but instead to act as a potential red flag for their agenda. And hey, there is nothing wrong with hooking up — but aren’t you wanting something more?

Other tips: • During the goodnight kiss their hand reaches towards the southern regions • They talk too much about bedroom positioning (top drawer/bottom drawer) • They can’t look you in your eyes when you kiss (umm, yeah that is a red flag)

talk too much 9. They about themselves

On a first date, it is only natural and human to talk about oneself a little. If however the person you are going out on a date with is going on forever and a day about their life, their job, their car, their family, their dogs …their, their their …. there is likely going to be problems with compatibility.

Other tips: • They ask very little about you during your first date • They make you feel like you are being qualified for a car loan • They start to immediately play the game of materialistic comparisons • Name dropping of celebrities or well connected people in town • They’re looking waaaay too much at their reflection in their stirring spoon

you were in a space that was not good for you? If so, these are important warning signs.

Too many get hooked on the look and find themselves in impossible, painful, one-sided and one-way relationships.

Pay attention to how their physical appearance causes you to feel. If you come away from that date feeling “less than” or “ugly,” then you are the person who is not ready to be in a

10.

You ignore these red flags and others because you’re hooked on their look Do their muscles, charm and smile blind you to some of the red flags mentioned here or perhaps other red flags that you have heard of in the past?

Do they make you feel overly insecure because you feel they are just too good looking to be with you? Does anything about that first date make you experience negative, familiar feelings from the past where

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relationship.

Other potential red flags: • You won’t talk about yourself because you feel “less than” • You feel the need to brag or go out of your way to impress him • You’ve dated their type before and you keep repeating the cycle Can you name some other red flags that you ignore? Q

Every guy has a softer side DON’T FORGET! Valentine’s Day WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 14

Send him his dream flowers

26 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | LOVE

Qsaltlake.com |

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Making your relationship a success You are in a loving, mutually-fulfilling relationship at last! You’ve learned a lot from your past relationship mistakes and want to do everything you can to make sure this relationship stays happy for you both. What are some of the ways that you can keep your relationship enriching, satisfying and successful?

why you have 1. Know chosen each other

Remind yourself of the reasons past relationships have failed. You dated that one rson because they had money and loved to spend it on you, but you ignored that they were a narcissist and constantly unfaithful. Another of your past boyfriends/ girlfriends was gorgeous; the problem there was you two had nothing to talk about outside the bedroom.

This time, however, you sense that everything is there with the right balance.

You don’t “need” to be with each other for any other reason but love. Your attraction to them is not based on their bank

relationship 2. Define parameters from the get-go

This is an important element for a successful gay relationship, because it requires communicating with your partner to make sure you both are seeking the same type of relationship. If one of you needs things to be open and the other is looking for an exclusive arrangement, it is obvious that you two aren’t meant for each other in a romantic sense.

No matter how much you thought that this person was the one for you, if they don’t view relationships in the same way you do, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. This is a conversation worth renewing every six months or so, because as your relationship evolves, your expectations may as well. Some gay couples who started out with a premium on monogamy decide, after years together, that opening up the relationship is something they both wish to explore. Whatever the parameters look like, it is important that you both agree on them together.

3.

Trust each other

4.

Avoid being clingy

Nothing can put a damper on a budding relationship faster than jealousy. Contrary to what some people think, exhibiting jealousy when you see your partner interacting with other people is not a sign of love (not healthy love, in any case). If you are a naturally jealous person, consider unpacking the reasons behind this insecurity with a professional counselor so that it doesn’t lead to a breakup with your partner. No balanced relationship can survive if there is not a strong level of trust between the two participants.

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account or physical looks. You know that you love them for all the right reasons.

This is the best start to ensuring that your relationship will be a long term success.

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There may be a tendency, especially in the beginning days of your love story, to want to be with your snuggle bunny night and day. This is a common mistake to make, and can be the reason that new relationships burn out quickly. Make sure to leave each other space and breathing room. Even if it does not come natural-

ly to you, force yourself to go out and participate in the activities you loved before you were a couple. Your sports, your writing workshop, your volunteer work with the LGBT group — whatever you were involved with prior to meeting Mr./Ms. Right, keep on doing it. It keeps you interesting, and will keep your bae interested in you.

5. Keep things dynamic

Nothing dims the flames of love faster than routine. Once you hit your relationship stride, it is easy to fall into the trap of routine. While it is nice to feel secure and stable, it is boring if you don’t break out of the same old same old from time to time. Ask any successful couple how they keep the fires burning, and they will tell you it’s all about shaking it up from time to time. Surprise weekend trips, an exotic vacation, a new sport, trying something different in the bedroom… get out of your comfort zone and see where this takes you and your partner.

6. Make the relationship a priority

Make sure you time take to show your partner that you prioritize your relationship. What are some of the ways you can do this? Go to events with them, even if you aren’t interested in the office Christmas party. Dedicate one night each week to date night, where you try a new restaurant, go to the symphony, listen to a lecture at the local university … anything

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where you are doing something together. Take time to focus on each other and talk … about your week, your work, your stresses and your successes. And don’t neglect your sex life! It is normal to find your sexual activity reduced after many years together, but that doesn’t mean you should accept “normal.” Touching is part of showing your partner that they are a priority.

Remember the power of mere kissing and long hugs. Even if one of you is too tired for sex, a long, relaxing massage is

a great way to communicate how much you value your partner.

When you are with the right person, you want to do what it takes to make the relationship a success. Fortunately, because you have chosen the right person, these things will not seem like chores. If your relationship is happy and mutually-enriching, putting into place these tips will seem natural. Good love is a priceless gift, and working to ensure that it lasts is worth it. Q

Our 30th year of making customers happy!

GREEN

LOVE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 27

28 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

CONCERTS This month I have chosen a few of what I consider iconic musical artists that should not be missed. Each has a strong stage presence and unique styles. The Killers kill it on stage with an intense energy that leaves seats and the ground sticky with beer slopped from plastic cups. The gravitational pull of Walk the Moon is superhero strong.

Paula Cole does know where all the cowboys have gone and is the first woman in history to solely produce and receive the best Producer Grammy nomination for her work, “This Fire.” Dar Williams’ pop-folk songwriting is mesmerizing in its authenticity and total abandon.

Tony’s 6 Gay Agenda 19

TUESDAY — THE KILLERS

Vivint Smart Home Arena, 301 S. Temple, 7 p.m.

Tickets $22-92, smithstix.com

MONDAY — WALK THE MOON

The Complex, 536 W. 100 South, 7 p.m. Tickets $35/day of-$37/day of, smithstix.com

BY TONY HOBDAY

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THURSDAY — PAULA COLE

Egyptian Theatre, 328 Main St., Park City, 8 p.m., through Saturday. Tickets $23-45, egyptiantheatrecompany.org

SATURDAY — DAR WILLIAMS

Eccles Center Theater, 1750 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 7:30 p.m. Tickets $29-79, ecclescenter.org

DANCE The clock is ticking, the dancers are sweating, the choreographers are frantically creating and the audience is partying. It must be RDT’s annual “Regalia”, a fundraiser that asks the audience to award a commission. The performance culminates with a lively shindig and dancing on stage to big band music.

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SATURDAY — REGALIA

Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 8 p.m. Tickets $50-75, artsaltlake.org

SPECIAL ENGAGEMENTS Pioneer Theatre Company’s Play-by-Play series presents The Envelope. In this fast-paced political thriller, a young blogger — the prodigal son of a powerful D.C. family (of Cheetos descent??) — receives a trove of classified documents from an anonymous source. But his quest to authenticate the documents force him to investigate the dark history of his own family.

A Wyoming native, writer-historian Gregory Hinton will share a dynamic survey of LGBT history and culture in the American West and his personal story — his “evacuation” from Wyoming, his longing to return home, and how William F. “Buffalo Bill” Cody led the way. Hinton is a Buffalo Bill Center of the West Fellow and associate editor of the Papers of William F. Cody.

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Paula Poundstone is not only a prolific comedienne, but also a liberal, atheist, Capricorn, animal lover, and mother. Though her masculine attire and demeanor may suggest otherwise, Poundstone is asexual, doesn’t date, and never becomes romantically involved with anyone.

“I don’t have sex because I don’t like it,” she once told QSaltLake. “I’d have to marry a Mormon so someone could cover my shift.”

2 8 9

FRIDAY — The Envelope Pioneer Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, UofU, times vary through Saturday. Tickets $10, pioneertheatre.org THURSDAY — OUT WEST WITH BUFFALO BILL

Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Dr., UofU, 7 p.m. Free, umfa.utah.edu

FRIDAY — PAULA POUNDSTONE Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 7 p.m. Tickets $49.50, artsaltlake.org

THEATRE What’s in an I? A roman numeral, a dot, a soul, and apparently sometimes quotation marks. Oh, the freedoms of expression. Anyhoo, two powerful productions by Pygmalion Productions and Pioneer Theatre Company, respectively, come alive on stage.

I and You studies the connection between Anthony, a popular student athlete, and ill-stricken, homebound Caroline. It’s an “ode to youth, life, love, and the strange beauty of human connectedness.

In “i” Sarah has lived a hard knock life, but finally, maybe, things begin to look brighter when she meets her new doctor Jake — but is Jake a nice guy? (In my experience, most Jake’s are nice, albeit a little OCD, just sayin’!). “i” is a mysterious love story about the threads that bind us together, set a few days after tomorrow.

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FRIDAY — I AND YOU

Black Box Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, times vary through Feb. 17. Tickets $20, artsaltlake.org

FRIDAY — “i”

Pioneer Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, UofU, times vary through March 3. Tickets $25-49, pioneertheatre.org

& AE UPCOMING EVENTS

April 11-May 6, HAMILTON, artsaltlake.org June 16, KESHA AND MACKLEMORE, smithstix.com

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Plan-B’s ‘The Weird Play’ celebrates the vastness of love

BY JENIFER NII

I am an old person now, my body tells me. Often I wonder whether I have made good on the years it has given me. Then, inevitably, I question what might qualify as “making good.” A younger me would (did) list among life’s achievements, well, achievements of some sort. A fulfilling job done well. A healthy, shiny family tucked snugly into a paid-for home in an up-and-coming neighborhood. Making some kind of mark in the world that might distinguish me from the countless other beings trying to understand or justify our existence.

Now that I am old, though, I’ve come to believe that a life well-lived is one that is rooted less in stuff and situation and more in love — of, from, and for. I think I’m right about this, but I’ll be darned if I know — really know — what that means.

The Weird Play is my attempt to suss out this whole “love” thing. The who, what, when, where, and why of it. Because it’s everywhere, in all our closest, most important places: our families, friendships, romances, our faith. We can even find it in the fleeting interactions we have with strangers — those “might be” relationships that promise so much.

Love is something that transcends. As much as our experiences feel like revelations to us alone, we are not alone. The

common, shared threads weave the fabric of love. Which is why I built The Weird Play the way I did, offering the most flexibility I could devise in its elements (the words, casting, stage settings, wardrobe, etc.) while pinpointing questions I think we all ask about the thing we long for most: love that is true and lasting, that fills the empty spaces.

In The Weird Play, the characters are named One, Two, and Three. There are no age or race specifications, and only the role of One is explicitly written for a woman. There are no “character descriptions” beyond what’s in the text. I did this because I’d hoped to allow for as much flexibility as possible, to see how different casts, comprised of various mixes of age, ethnicity, and gender might impact the experience of the play.

I was blessed to have three readings of the play before we locked the script, each

featuring different casts. The first comprised two men (one African American, one Caucasian) and a woman. The second featured three women (all Caucasian).

The final cast is all female: Susanna Florence (One), Dee-Dee Darby-Duffin (Two), and April Fossen (Three). The age range among the three casts was late 20’s to late 40’s.

I built The Weird Play the way I did because I don’t believe that only blood, age, color, gender or faith bind love; and with very few exceptions (NO to pedophilia!), I’ve come to believe that we should celebrate the vastness. And, I wanted the play to reflect that, from the inside out — the whole weird, messy, glorious way. Q Jenifer Nii’s plays WALLACE (co-written with Debora Threedy), THE SCARLET LETTER, SUFFRAGE, RUFF!, and KINGDOM OF HEAVEN (music by Dave Evanoff) have premiered at Plan-B Theatre Company, where THE WEIRD PLAY premieres March 1-11 in a co-production with Sackerson. Tickets and information at planbtheatre.org

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Qsaltlake.com |

Doc filmmaker discusses Dan Reynolds’ Sundance pick, ‘Believer’

BY TONY HOBDAY

In a candid

interview with the director and executive producer, Don Argott reveals Imagine Dragons frontman Dan Reynolds’ Believer is “doing something about injustice in a way that is not trying to destroy it from the outside, but rather fix it from the inside.”

Over an impressive career as a Filmmaker Dan Argott documentary filmmaker, you’ve tackled several subject matters from the NFL Draft, and Batman to the 2016 presidential election, and one of your most well-known documentaries The Atomic States of America. In terms of documenting, what is your process in determining what you want to share with the world? It’s something that when you’re doing the work you’re never really looking with that long lens “what am I trying to convey here?” First and foremost your hunting for good stories. You want to be attracted to stories that are hidden in plain sight. It may be a little cliche or obvious but first and foremost you need a great story, great characters, you need access. Not having one of those elements can really screw you up.

So what struck you about Dan Reynolds’ story as “great”? I got a call from my manager who said that Dan from Imagine Dragons is looking to do this TV show about these quirky character’s stories on Fremont Street [in Las Vegas]. So they put a presentation reel together for me and my thought was “okay, this is interesting because they have pretty heartfelt and sometimes heartbreaking stories, but I had to ask myself ‘why does he want to do this?’” I needed to understand why I’m hearing from Dan about wanting to share other people’s stories.

I ended up meeting with Dan in person and once he started talking about the fact that he struggles with depression

and growing up Mormon, and for me, he really seemed to be at a crossroads — a place I felt needed to be explored. So this whole thing was initially a completely different animal.

Within a couple weeks of working together, a whole new film came out of it.

His struggles and what he’s been trying to reconcile came out the more I talked with him. And he had this breakthrough moment while we were filming about what was it about Mormonism, about being Mormon, about being faithful to the

church, and about the issue of homosexuality. As we dug deeper into it, he recalled the time he first met his now wife who was living with two lesbians in California during the height of Prop 8 and how that was something very relevant to him during that time in his life. It was a sore spot for him that had a big affect on their relationship.

There were all these markers in Dan’s life that came back to this one issue [of homosexuality] of which he was “not okay with it, I don’t stand by it but, yet I can’t reconcile it so what am I going to do about it?” — which is where the rest of the film takes shape.

Tell moviegoers a little about the structure or narrative of the film, a few snippets of what they’ll see and hear. The film is

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really from Dan’s perspective. We weren’t looking to do an expose on the Mormon church, it’s a character film about a person struggling with his faith, issues within the faith and the community. I think that’s what draws you in because Dan is such a likable person, and you root for him, and in my opinion on the right side of it all, and he’s showing the injustice.

He’s doing something about it in a way that is not trying to destroy it from the outside, but rather fix it from the inside.

Any final thoughts, comments about the film? When you’re trying to effect change in a positive way you do have to figure out how to work within the community to understand, to learn or show a

side of someone’s lifestyle that they have a preconceived notion about and then seeing them on a human level. It’s harder to look away. I do think Dan tapped into something really powerful.

The world premiere of Believer opens at the 2018 Sundance Film Festival. Below is the screening schedule.

Saturday, Jan. 20, 8:45 p.m., The MARC Theatre, Park City Sunday, Jan. 21, 6 p.m., Sundance Mountain Resort Monday, Jan. 22, 6:30 p.m., Rose Wagner Center Tuesday, Jan. 23, 10 p.m., Redstone Cinema, Park City Saturday, Jan. 27, 9 p.m., Temple Theatre, Park City

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Extended: Dabakis tells stories from his soul in a one-man show you think you know about Utah Sen. Jim Dabakis, you surely don’t know the whole story.

Boisterous, loud, unafraid to put himself on the line for any progressive cause, Dabakis is known for speaking out. And speaking. And speaking. And speaking.

You might be surprised, however, to find out he is terrified of being on stage, and on-stage he is in his one-man show,

winning the election as a state senator (by seven votes), it quickly heads back to his roots in 1950s Springfield, Massachusetts, which he is quick to explain is not Boston, but the “armpit” of the state — a grim, industrial town. His mother was a drug-addicted agoraphobe and his dad, who he calls “Mother Teresa in a hard hat” had three jobs. The family barely made ends meet but had the necessities, including television where he could see his idol, Walter Cronkite.

Stories From My Soul.

“Give me testimony before Congress or meetings at the White House, and I am fine, but that stage is so out of my comfort zone — it has me petrified,” he told Ellen Fagg Weist of The Salt Lake Tribune.

While Dabakis admits in the show that seeing his first play transformed his life, this and a 2015 stint as the narrator in Rocky Horror Picture Show (alongside KUTV News reporter Rod Decker) at Pioneer Theatre Company are his only forays into theater.

The set is barren, in fact, borrowed from the upcoming Salt Lake Acting Company production of Stag’s Leap.

There are three stools for Dabakis to wander to and from as he tells his story.

While the show starts with him

He talks about his early inklings of his sexuality and his struggle to “find his tribe.” Like many, he found solace in a dictionary listing of “homosexual,” which told him he wasn’t alone.

He talks about two young men in white shirts with black nametags who knocked on the door one day. They invited him to play basketball at the church, and eventually told him to continue playing, he must get baptized into the church.

He did and because of that, he explains, he cannot take the bait of looking down on the Mormons since they taught him much about being a decent person.

Only Brigham Young University accepted his application for college, so off to Provo he goes. But, just as he is about to be expelled for being gay, even though he’d never once had sex or had met any

BY MICHAEL AARON

Whatever

PHOTO: DAVID ANDREASON

gay people on campus, he withdraws from school and moves to Salt Lake City.

In his effort to move toward his goal of being the next Walter Cronkite, he harangued Starley Bush at KTALK Radio until he allowed him to work at the station, for free, which eventually led to an on-air show, which he held for many years.

So as not to give away spoilers, the show then goes into meeting his now-husband of a million years, Stephen, going to Russia to make and lose his fortune there and coming back to help the founding of the Utah Pride Center and Equality Utah before becoming the politician he is today.

The 100-minute show leaves no time for lulls. It is engaging throughout and there are twists and turns that any rumor about him doesn’t do justice.

It took eight months of collaboration with director Charles Lynn Frost to get the show to such a point.

“Charles helped take it down from a 17-hour show,” Dabakis joked.

“We had almost 50 stories at the outset.

We had to narrow that down to an amount that could fit into the length of the show,” said Frost. “I had to convince Jim that some of his favorite stories (we called him his babies) would have to go.”

Frost worked with the script to create highs and lows — the dramatic and the comedic, the suspense and tension — necessary to be a legitimate and moving play.

He also was proud of how well Dabakis took to direction and acting.

“Getting a strong political leader ready to become an actor — an actor playing himself throughout the show, but an actor and not a speaker or politician — was essential,” said Frost.

They also added visual cues to bring the audience into the show and Dabakis’ life.

“The enlarged photos throughout Jim’s life pulled the audience in and created a finished tableau that brought it all together visually,” Frost continued.

The scheduled three shows sold out well in advance, so two more shows have been added: February 3 and 10 at the Salt Lake Acting Company at 168 W. 500 North in the Marmalade District.

Tickets are available at JimJabs.com Q

32 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

Qsaltlake.com |

ISSUE 276 | FEBRUARY 2018

the yodeler

Selfie Animalia, Pt. 2: The aquatic spectrum

So, I’ve

BY RYAN HAYMORE

told you about the time a friend compared me to a crocodile because of my open-mouth, smiling selfies. Well, I’ve been on a quest to see what this friend saw when they viewed animal resemblances in selfies.

I’ve looked for the animals within — when they erupt from us, and when we straight-up channel them. Thus, I think I discovered what this friend so Linnaeusly found before likening me to a crocodile; however, now that my southern skin has adapted to Utah climate, I’m no longer textured like one.

On my quest, I’ve discovered two animalistic-type selfies to add to the lexicon that shall now be known as the “Selfie Animalia.”

There’s the Flounder. The Flounder is a selfie-taker who takes almost all its pictures from one angle; you see one side of their face, one eye, mouths flexed to the side facing the camera. It causes quite a strange view from the opposite side of

the lens (meaning that side of the face has no mouth, a bent nose, a squinted eye, and stretched skin). However, from the camera side, the Flounder selfie delivers a beautiful vista of your jawline, eyebrow, and cheek structure. The eye is opened to reveal a full iris, and the lips are full and pouty and slightly askew from the norm — all from that one side, mind you. The Flounder has its allure; however, after at a certain point one may ask, “Are you taking a selfie or should we fry some hush puppies and slaw to dish alongside your tenth selfie in a row?” Tisk, tisk!

Then, there’s the Goldfish. It takes selfies with a mouth that’s puckered but not so much that they form duck lips; they widen their eyes like that of an 80’s facelift. This delivers a nice perk to the lips and a jolt to the brow structure. The lips aren’t gaudy like duck lips, so they look more natural. The eyes resemble a more hoot owl, but they aren’t distracting because the lips balance the motif. The

cheeks purse just enough to give a taut look and exuberant pull-back to the facial outline because this look requires full ear flexing to pull off the ensemble. The Goldfish selfie has its uses (full lips, perky face, and arched eyebrows); however, at a certain point, people are going to wonder if you ate a Lemonhead expecting a warhead. I mean, it isn’t a warhead, as expected, so you aren’t making a sour face, but it’s a sour face no matter how you shake a stick at it. The Goldfish, when overused, tells me your face is saying you’re either excited, received small jolts of electricity, or put illegal substances in your coffee. No judgment.

Thus, the Flounder and the Goldfish are two aquatic selfie beauties. However, just like any trick, things begin to look fishy if your photos never envelop the entirety of your face or allow your face a natural resting look. Utilize these types of selfies to add to the menagerie of your social media album and not take over your profile pics like a totalitarian regime. Occasional indulgences make you a selfie risk-taker, but too much can make you either a Flounder or a Goldfish (take this Ol’ Croc’s advice — don’t overdo it). Remember, it’s our ability not to overindulge that separates us from the animals. Q

ARE THESE YOUR BUZZ WORDS?

QSALTLAKE NEEDS YOU

Be part of something important in our community. Help us grow. Online and print advertising sales are among our offerings. Find out more.

We need a hardworking sales person. Is that you?

Please email your resume and an introduction letter to sales@qsaltlake.com

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A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 33

mr. manners Moving for love

BY ROCK MAGEN

I was

recently walking to lunch with my partner, and our conversation turned to “the most stressful” things a person can go through. In our discussion we talked about moving, traveling, starting a new job, and marriage — but, a quick Google search told us that marriage was not as stressful as divorce. As we debated if Google was indeed an authority on this matter, we pondered the topic and wouldn’t you know there was a time when together we moved, traveled, and started a new job all within the same month.

When wondering why we experienced so many stressful things at once, the answer was simple. Love.

The move, sparing all the details, happened because I had been offered an amazing job in a new state and the start date was right after a vacation we had previously scheduled.

Like many before us, we had arrived at a big crossroads moment that is almost always overwhelming and stressful.

We could see our futures together, but how could we know the relationship would survive the upheaval? We started with giving ourselves a chance to sort through whatever pitfalls we could imagine.

But after a while, we had to go with a gut decision and trust that whatever challenges came

our way would be manageable — not easy, but manageable.

Outside of our situation, it would be good to be concerned about possible resentment generated by one partner requiring another to move. If you are going to take such a leap, you’ll have to decide quickly if the move is difficult for you, so you won’t actively fuel your resentment.

That doesn’t mean you won’t give yourself permission to feel sad or grieve leaving your home — just that you won’t indulge an instinct to construct a narrative whereby you are the victim of your partner’s selfish endeavor.

When you move for love, the two of you form a family.

Deciding to move must be a collective effort and decision.

If the migration ends up being a bust (for whatever reason), the two of you must figure out where to go from there.

It’s tempting to lean into big changes like this with trepidation and pessimism, but there’s also a chance that the move could create a whole new chapter that is fruitful and exciting. Only together can you know if you want to leap and see what happens.

So, there you have it. Unlike so many things in life, there is not a directly black or white answer, but rather a gray area in which we get to decide our fate. Moving isn’t easy, and love isn’t easy, but when has anything easy been worth it? Q

“The best advertising I do” —JAY HALLSTROM

pages Get in the 2018 directory of Utah’s LGBT-friendly businesses today by calling 801-997-9763 or emailing sales@qsaltlake.com

34 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS

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38 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | QMMUNITY

Qmmunity Groups ALCOHOL & DRUG

Alcoholics Anonymous 801-484-7871  utahaa.org Gay and Lesbianspecific meetings: Sundays 3p Acceptance Group, UPC, 255 E 400 S Mondays 7p Gay Men’s Stag (Big Book Study), UPC, 255 E 400 S 8p G/Q Women’s Mtg, Disability Law Center (rear), 205 N 400 W Tuesday 8:15p Live & Let Live, UPC, 255 E 400 S Wednesday 7p Sober Today, 375 Harrison Blvd, Ogden Friday 8p Stonewall Group, UPC, 255 E 400 S Crystal Meth Anon crystalmeth.org Thursday 1:30p Unity In Sobriety, UPC, 255 E 400 S LifeRing Secular Recovery 801-608-8146  lifering.org/ Sundays 10am University Neuropsychiatric Institute, rm 1566 501 Chipeta Way Mondays 5pm

First Unitarian Church, 569 S 1300 E Tuesdays 7pm 6876 S Highland Dr Wednesdays, noon 2319 Foothill Dr, # 120 Wednesdays 6:30 p.m.

Univ Neuropsychiatric Institute, suite 1074 501 Chipeta Way Thursdays – how was your week? 7pm USARA, 180 E 2100 S, suite 100 Fridays 7pm 2212 S west temple #29 Saturdays – 11am First Baptist Church 777 S 1300 E BUSINESS

LGBTQ-Affirmative Psycho-therapists Guild of Utah  lgbtqtherapists.com * jim@lgbtqtherapists.com Utah Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce  utahgaychamber.com * info@utahgaychamber.com Vest Pocket Business Coalition  vestpocket.org 801-596-8977 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 YWCA of Salt Lake  ywca.org/saltlakecity

Qsaltlake.com |

322 E 300 S 801-537-8600 HEALTH & HIV

Northern Utah HIV/ AIDS Project Walk-Ins Tues Noon–5pm 536 24th St, Ste 2B, Ogden 801-393-4153 Peer Support for Mental Illness — PSMI Fridays, 6pm at Utah Pride Ctr, 255 E 400 S Planned Parenthood 654 S 900 E 800-230-PLAN Salt Lake County Health Dept HIV/STD Clinic 660 S 200 E, 4th Floor Walk-ins M–F 10a–4p Appts 385-468-4242 Utah AIDS Foundation  utahaids.org * mail@utahaids.org 1408 S 1100 E 801-487-2323 HOMELESS SVCS

Volunteers of America Homeless Youth Resource Ctr, ages 15–21 880 S 400 W 801-364-0744 Transition Homes: Young Men’s 801-433-1713 Young Women’s 801-359-5545

LEGAL

Rainbow Law Free Clinic 2nd Thurs 6–7:30pm Utah Pride Center. 255 East and 400 South in Salt Lake City.

POLITICAL

Equality Utah  equalityutah.org * info@equalityutah.org 175 W 200 S, Ste 1004 801-355-3479 Utah Libertarian Party 6885 S State St #200 888-957-8824 Utah Log Cabin Republicans  bit.ly/logcabinutah 801-657-9611 Utah Stonewall Democrats  utahstonewalldemocrats.org RELIGIOUS

First Baptist Church  firstbaptist-slc.org * office@firstbaptistslc.org 11a Sundays 777 S 1300 E 801-582-4921 Sacred Light of Christ  slcchurch.org 823 S 600 E 801-595-0052 11a Sundays Wasatch Metropolitan Community Church  wasatchmcc.org 801-889-8764 Sundays, 11a at UPC SOCIAL

1 to 5 Club (bisexual)  fb.me/ 1to5ClubUtah Alternative Garden Club  bit.ly/altgarden * altgardenclub@gmail. com blackBOARD Men’s Kink/Sex/BDSM education, 1st, 3rd Mondays  blackbootsslc.org blackBOOTS Kink/BDSM Men’s leather/kink/ fetish/BDSM meets 4th SatuGroupsrdays  blackbootsslc.org

Gay Writes writing group, DiverseCity 6:30 pm Mondays Community Writing Ctr, 210 E 400 S Ste 8 Get Outside Utah  bit.ly/GetOutsideUtah Men Who Move  menwhomove.org OUTreach Utah  outreachutah.org Ogden, 3350 Harrison, 2nd, 4th Weds, 4-6pm Logan, 596 E 900 N — Fri, 4:30-7:30pm qVinum Wine Tasting  qvinum.com Rainbow Classic Car Don R. Austin 801-485-9225 Sage Utah  fb.me/sageutah  sageutah@ utahpridecenter.org 801-557-9203 Temple Squares Square Dance Club  templesquares.org Weekly dances every other Thurs 7p at UPC 801-449-1293 Utah Bears  utahbears.com  fb.me/ utahbears  info@utahbears.com Weds 6pm Raw Bean Coffee, 611 W Temple Utah Male Naturists  umen.org  info@umen.org Utah Pride Center  utahpridecenter.org  thecenter@ utahpridecenter.org 255 E 400 S 801-539-8800 SPORTS

Pride Community Softball League  prideleague.com  pcsl@prideleague.com Q Kickball League  qkickball.com Sundays, 10:30, 11:30, Sunnyside Park QUAC — Queer Utah Aquatic Club  quacquac.org

ISSUE 276 | FEBRUARY 2018

 questions@

quacquac.org Salt Lake Goodtime Bowling League  bit.ly/slgoodtime Stonewall Shooting Sports of Utah  fb.me/stonewall. sportsofutah Venture Out Utah  fb.me/groups/ Venture.OUT.Utah YOUTH/COLLEGE

Gay-Straight Alliance Network  gsanetwork.org Salt Lake Community College Equality Involvement Club 8 facebook.com/slcc. equality University of Utah LGBT Resource Center 8 lgbt.utah.edu 200 S Central Campus Dr Rm 409 801-587-7973 Univ. of Utah Queer Student Union utahqsu@gmail.com USGA at BYU  byuusga.wordpress.com  fb.co/UsgaAtByu Utah State Univ. Access & Diversity Ctr  usu.edu/ accesscenter/lgbtqa Utah Valley Univ Spectrum  discord.me/ spectrumatuvu  facebook.com/ groups/uvuspectrum Weber State Univ Faculty/Staff GayStraight Alliance  organizations.weber. edu/fsgsa  fsgsa@weber.edu Weber State University LGBT Resource Center  weber.edu/ lgbtresourcecenter 3885 W Campus Dr, Student Services Ctr, Suite 154 Dept. 2125 801-626-7271

FEBRUARY 2018 |

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 39

ISSUE 276 | Qsaltlake.com

book review

REVIEW BY TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER

Buzz: A Stimulating History of the Sex Toy

by Hallie Lieberman c.2017, Pegasus Books $26.95 359 pages

Double-A. It has many uses, that little word-dashletter. It’s good for future baseball players. Good for a pre-teen girl.

Great, if you’re a student trying to bring those grades up.

And, as you’ll see in “Buzz: A Stimulating History of the Sex Toy” by Hallie Lieberman, and if you’re an adult, double-A is something you never want to run out of….

A dozen years ago, to make a little money, Hallie Lieberman found an unusual job: she was a home-party sex toy salesperson in a state where selling sex toys was illegal. Ever afraid of being arrested, she stuck to the “script” that the company gave her; it was stilted and full of euphemisms, and the job was demeaning and embarrassing.

She felt like she “wasn’t teaching people anything.”

From her Ph.D. studies, Lieberman learned that “sex toys were ancient.” Some 30 millennia ago, ancient Germans carved phallic objects, though some historians argue that sex might not have been their intention. At any rate, the practice of using artificial devices for sexual pleasure spread across Europe and into Asia and, soon after the Middle Ages, mentions of sex toys began showing up in literature.

Closer to home and beginning in Victorian times, rectal dilators and vibrators were made in the U.S. and sold as “medical devices,” approved by doctors; the former were made by “respected rubber companies,” while the latter

were available for discreet purchase in department stores for decades. Until laws bore against it, you could even have the devices mailed to your home; later, to circumvent those and other laws meant to keep sex toys out of the hands of everyday citizens, vibrators, dildoes, and dilators were sold as “novelties.”

In 1965, a ventriloquist who was an engineer by profession started manufacturing sex toys; in the early 1970s, a paraplegic welder began making them for women and advising the disabled on their use. Others joined the revolution until, in 1972 (and though they’d long been a staple of sleaze), sex toys gained respectability inside a small waterbedstore-turned-sex-shop run by two gay men, hetero people welcome.

Of course, there’s so much more to this story but here’s one interesting thing about this book: while you might think it’d be titillating with maybe a few nudge-nudgewink-winks, that’s not the case. Author Hallie Lieberman doesn’t do that to her readers.

Instead, what you get precisely is what its subtitle promises: “Buzz” is a history of sex toys, from ancient times to modern day, and its use by straight people, the disabled, the LGBT community, and feminists. Through the narrative, you’ll see how advocates tied sex toys to equality and self-confidence, and how the struggle to make the devices acceptable unfolded but is still not over (including a surprise-not-surprise toward the end). That’s serious stuff, and Lieberman offers it in a balanced way, though not without lightheartedness when appropriate.

“Buzz” isn’t a book meant to shock, it’s meant to inform, and that it does, enjoyably. The prurient, the curious, and pop-culture fans will love “Buzz,” no batteries required. Q

Family Entertainment Firsts of 2017 ACROSS 1 With 67-Across, first Disney Channel series with a gay storyline 5 Dance with a stick 10 Force that causes you to go down 14 One that plays with balls at the circus 15 Tear producer 16 ___ in the hay 17 Good judgment by a stallion?

19 Nurse Jackie nurse 20 Series that featured a raw sex scene between two Muslim men 22 Maugham’s Cakes and ___ 25 Gallery objects 26 Comes out slowly 27 Raise the price of, at Barneys 29 Hairspray name 32 Phil of ’60s folk 33 How often you have sex after bed death 35 U. degrees 38 Series that explores polyamory rebooted from a movie 41 Phallic fish 42 Orderly formations 43 La Douce part for Shirley 44 Garson of Mrs. Miniver 45 Homer, or spud, to Gomer

46 Went undercover 49 Pacific battle site, in brief 51 Nongay, briefly 52 Lena Waithe won an Emmy for writing an episode of this series 57 Date of March madness?

58 Like a big dictionary 62 Fruit source 63 Bottoms, to loafers 64 Hollywood canine 65 AIDS flick Under ___ 66 It may be rough 67 See 1-Across

23 Milk, when it plays in Mexico?

24 Merman of Broadway fame 28 Silly goose 29 Place to become wife and wife 30 Time of decision 31 Reactions to seeing a hottie 33 Missing lubricant 34 Raison d’___ 35 Place for a moving experience in the sack?

36 Singing Mann 37 Opening 39 Avant-___ (like Warhol) DOWN 40 Caesar’s way 1 Wood for Billy Bean’s bat, perhaps 44 Command before “Go!” 2 Prefix with natal 3 Folksinger Williams 45 Collette of United States of Tara 4 Rick’s old flame 5 Hamilton Burger to 46 Bessie of the blues Perry Mason, usually 47 Frida’s father 48 “___ little silhouetto 6 Not potent of a man ...”

7 Skimpy skirt 8 Fruit of Peter Pears? 49 Where some may lie 50 Declining in health 9 Ready to go in 53 Trail of the Tin 10 Setting for TV’s Woodman’s tear Portlandia 11 Sex-enhancing drug 54 “You want the light ___ off?” for a bored lover?

55 Eleanor’s pooch 12 Write The Hot’l 56 Grocers who sell Baltimore this have balls 13 Sharon of Queer as 59 Family-hetero Folk school org.

18 Web info source 60 “Yadda, yadda, 21 Marilyn’s almost yadda,” briefly normal name?

22 Got up 61 E. Fanning’s sister?

40 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | PETS

Qsaltlake.com |

ISSUE 276 | FEBRUARY 2018

Pet Month of the

GIVE LOVE

Dwight

Neutered male, 7 years old Domestic shorthair – White with brown

$14

Hello! My name is Dwight and I am a loving, adventurous kitty looking for my forever home. I have done well with other cats and should do well with them in a home with a proper introduction. I have lived with a dog before, but it was a little scary! I might do well with a dog who understands kitties. I would be a great best friend so come meet me to see if I would be a good fit for your family!

CAT & KITTEN ADOPTIONS FEBRUARY 12 − 18 Best Friends Pet Adoption Center 2005 South 1100 East, Salt Lake City Mon. – Sat. 11 am – 7 pm, Sun.11 am – 4 pm

For more information, go to Best Friends Animal Society–Utah, 2005 S 1100 East, or call 801-574-2454 or go to bestfriendsutah.org

bestfriendsutah.org

q scopes FEBRUARY

BY SAM KELLEY-MILLS

a little. Figuring out what you really want is a good move at this time of the year so go for it.

ARIES March 20–April 19 Knowledge is a power but incomplete knowledge is corruption.

Learn the facts and act appropriately. A subjective viewpoint will cause commotion. Create some distance from others and work on yourself. While it isn’t easy to avoid a conflict, it is possible that a fabricated crisis will go away on its own.

CANCER June 21–July 22 What you feel about another person is likely to get back to them. This could lead to a very explosive moment for better or worse. Whatever the case, act accordingly and see if you can find good in the situation. You may end up having a better time than expected, especially if romance becomes involved.

TAURUS Apr 20–May 20 When remaining calm doesn’t solve a personal matter, get angry. A little passionate yelling isn’t always the answer, but could raise questions that are being avoided so get mad. Put trust in no one right now. The longer you wait to take action on a pressing matter, the more likely it is to create a problem

LEO July 23–August 22 Your mind is like a pool of ideas swimming rapidly. Nothing seems to come together, so it might be time for a break. Stop everything and prioritize.

Don’t forget to add a little fun to the mix.

Working on a project is driving you crazy so be sure to address what is bothering you the most. Don’t lose sight of joy.

GEMINI May 21–June 20 Work hasn’t been amazing, but a good opportunity is in the near future. Take a look and see if it is something you’d like. Change is not always the answer, but there are times when it is simply good to change the beat

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22 The higher the structure, the more likely it is to fall. Keep grounded when dealing with a personal matter.

Much of what troubles you has nothing to do with others, but something you are insecure about. Hold tight to something

that provides comfort and find value by accomplishing something.

work with, so either tell them where to go or move on.

LIBRA Sept 23–October 22 Others are trying to distract you but it’s not working. You are feeling good right now to be held back.

A steep climb seems to be ahead, but you are getting over it fine. Someone close to you needs help, so be there to support.

Learn all the facts first. Bad advice can come even from the best of intentions.

CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19 A problem shows itself in the form of a financial crisis. While it might not seem prudent to address, a sense of urgency should not be ignored.

Don’t worry though, because everything is bound to turn out well in the end. Invest in something you really believe in and good things are to come soon.

SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21 What is tearing you apart is actually a good thing. Something will help you reconstruct life in a good way. There are sometimes no good solutions, but in this case, a hidden blessing is bound to come to fruition. Don’t fear the warnings of others, but take them into account.

You do know best.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18 Find a partner and do some dancing because you are getting restless. Now is the time to get out there and show off your stuff. The most fun is to be had in a social situation or club.

Friend will need some cheer and fun, and you provide that without even trying too hard. It is your time Aquarius.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22–December 20.

Don’t escape from the world.

Change a bad situation instead. It may seem challenging to make it work, but have faith that it will. The longer you let ill-tempered people control you, the worse it’s going to get. Killing with kindness never works the people you

PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19 Something long desired has arrived, and not quite what was expected. Even so, taking a step back will reveal the gains are better than you could have hoped. Enjoy the success but do not take it for granted. While there is no standard in which to judge it, satisfaction is guaranteed. Be happy. Q

FEBRUARY 2018 | ISSUE 276 | Qsaltlake.com

positive thoughts

Looking back on 2017 in HIV/AIDS — and what’s in store for 2018

I can

BY KENYON FARROW

safely say this was a year for the record books, and in some ways that we’d never expected. Given the Trump Administration and the Paul Ryan/Mitch McConnell-led House and Senate, we were in danger of losing so much ground by the efforts to repeal the Affordable Care Act. The president’s budget called for major cuts in domestic and global HIV spending. Work to end mass imprisonment and the war on drugs was set back by the appointment of Jeff Sessions as attorney general, who vowed to ramp up the full prosecution of people under criminal drug laws, no matter how minor. The threats to immigrants in the United States have created an even more hostile environment, particularly for people of color, and the list can go on and on.

But the HIV community fought.

And we won several key battles. HIV/ AIDS organizers Jennifer Flynn, Jaron Benjamin and Paul Davis created a national, grassroots strategy of civil disobedience that mobilized thousands of people to demonstrate against the rollback of the ACA. And their strategy — which many believe was the deciding factor in pushing back round after round of terrible bills — helped do what many of us always say we want to do: move HIV out of its silo and connect it to larger movements for social justice. Positive Women’s Network, under the leadership of Naina Khanna, created toolkits and mobilized call-in days for people living with HIV around the country to become local leaders in the fight. In conjunction with the grassroots mobilizing, The Federal AIDS Policy Partnership worked tirelessly on The Hill to advocate against the regressive bills that would have left millions without health coverage.

NOT JUST DEFENSE: PROGRESS IN THE PRE-TRUMP HIV AGENDA

end or severely reduce the use of HIV criminalization laws. We were most successful in California and Colorado, where we won clear victories. A bill in Utah, however, was signed into law last year.

Other activists continued to join the national movement to develop local, county and state “ending the epidemic” or “getting to zero” plans. The ACT NOW: END AIDS coalition led a fiery plenary session at this year’s USCA conference, showing the collaborative leadership of activists, providers and health department leadership. Treatment Action Group and Southern AIDS Coalition partnered to support key jurisdictions in the South to develop End the Epidemic plans; Nashville, Alabama and Louisiana have held meetings to begin working on those in 2018.

And in New York state, the first to launch a plan, there’s evidence that the strategy working: they recently reported drops in new HIV diagnoses — even among Black and Latino gay and bisexual men, where very few jurisdictions have seen any success. Unfortunately, rates of HIV remain extremely high among Black gay/bisexual men nationwide, and HIV rates for Latinx gay/bisexual men and transgender women continue to climb, for reasons we have yet to find. Resources for transgender women and men facing HIV remain low.

One of the most significant game-changers in HIV happened this year when CDC announced it was adopting the science that shows people who are undetectable are also untransmittable. This change happened not just because of the incontrovertible science on this issue. The Prevention Access Campaign, which launched the U=U movement, organized for more organizations and health departments to sign on to this statement, and continued to advocate for CDC leadership to do the same.

Not all the work that happened was fighting against losses. Many people in the community continued to pursue the fights that were important before this Administration and Congress took seat in office. Advocates in several states introduced legislation to

So while there were some major successes in the field over 2017, we still have some major issues developing in 2018 to which we will be paying close attention.

In addition to the outright attacks on

ISSUES BREWING FOR 2018

HEALTH | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 41

the ACA, the tax reform bill (the final version of which is being voted on the week this article was written) threatens to upend the individual mandate upon which the ACA depends. This would mean that individuals could choose not to purchase insurance, removing the incentive for insurers to offer plans on the ACA marketplace to begin with. This would leave fewer options in plans for people living with HIV, and make the existing plans largely unaffordable. And people with HIV living in states that did not expand Medicaid have even fewer options for coverage.

Other issues brewing for 2018 abound, with many direct threats to existing HIV research, prevention and care. Recent news reports have suggested Congress is considering moving resources from the Ryan White HIV/AIDS Program into opioid addiction treatment and services. Indeed, evidence-based harm reduction models and drug treatment are critical to a comprehensive strategy to prevent HIV. But there are debates about whether the focus on creating more infrastructure on opioid use in rural and white America would come at the detriment of resources for urban and Black and Latinx communities — including resources for HIV care.

While federal spending on research through the NIH is often touted as one of the few areas of bipartisan support in Congress, HIV research funding has specifically been questioned by Republican members of Congress and may not be receiving overall increases to the NIH budget that have been appropriated in recent years. And while AIDS research funding itself remains in question, the NIH has begun its process of restructuring and setting priorities for its global AIDS research networks, which will affect the HIV research portfolio through 2027.

NEWS AND FACTS MATTER The FCC voted to end net neutrality, which means even public health and HIV/AIDS news sources could be blocked by internet providers because they don’t like the content about sexual health for people and communities living with HIV. We must remain committed to facts, to evidence, and to sharing information as resources to help people feel less alone, less afraid. Q Kenyon Farrow is the senior editor of TheBody.com. The full version of this story is at qsaltlake.com

42 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD & DRINK

Qsaltlake.com |

These five foods will make you a god (sort of) in bed Adding

food to the bedroom is a classic way to spice things up with a partner. But did you know that food can heighten libido and improve your performance between the sheets? We have collated the best foodie tricks and tips for you to put to the (taste) test!

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FEBRUARY 2018 |

FOOD & DRINK | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 43

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44 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FRIVOLIST

5

Qsaltlake.com |

ISSUE 276 | FEBRUARY 2018

the frivolist

BY MIKEY ROX

Bump

“go to the gym more” down a notch on your list of New Year’s resolutions and move “ ” up one. Here’s how to fulfill that promise to yourself.

Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He shares his home with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox.

FEBRUARY 2018 |

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 45

ISSUE 276 | Qsaltlake.com

hear me out

Best music of 2017

BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI

Donald Trump is still tweeting (oh yeah, and somehow still president). Free internet porn could be a bygone luxury thanks to #RIPNetNeutrality. But hey, music in 2017 didn’t suck! Read on for the music that saved me, and maybe you, from one of the worst years for queerkind:

4. Perfume Genius, No Shape If the world is ending, fine, Mike “Perfume Genius” Hadreas will just ride his sequined motorcycle into the sunset, thank you very much. In my mind that is what I see when I hear “Slip Away,” which bursts from the seams to reveal a kaleidoscopic surge of aural bliss – a strikingly queer reaction to a fascist uprising.

The piano parables of Hadreas’ formative years are history, replaced by fresh textural turns that are as boldly queer as his tender poetry.

3. The National, Sleep Well Beast The quiet beauty of The National’s experimental arrangements on their seventh LP reveals itself in the third ear. It strikes first like a mysterious whisper on “Nobody Else Will Be There,” hushed as if frontman Matt Berninger is singing to you in the dark. Deeper within the Beast, the Ohioans take their trademark melancholic, lyrical roots to new Radiohead-evoking rock heights, where synth fuzz fills out “Walk It Back” and a hypnotic undercurrent sweeps the bottom of “Born to Beg.” On the indietronica track 5 1 3 7 4 2 9 8 6

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PUZZLE SOLUTIONS

“I’ll Still Destroy You,” peace and chaos collide as Berninger reveals, “I’m just trying to stay in touch with anything I’m still in touch with.” Frankness at its finest.

2. Kesha, Rainbow Kesha Rose Sebert made the queerest mainstream album of the year, drawing from her own dark-horse experiences to create her most authentic recording, vocally and otherwise – one she dedicated to her fellow outcasts and underdogs. From her riseabove credo on the lovely guitar “Bastards” opener to her delightfully weird song about a queer afterlife, “Spaceship,” Rainbow is the album 2017’s shitstorm desperately needed: One marked by individuality, empowerment and survival.

1. Lorde, Melodrama Grammy nominated for Album of the Year, Melodrama pulses with lived emotional fervor, as its forlorn creator struggles to sort through sordid love to find her best self again amid the remaining remnants (“Supercut,” a vocal paradise) and self-imposed blame (her devastating Kate Bush moment, “Writer in the Dark”). Elegant keys swirl into surging Robyn-esque dancefloor fodder, vocal beds serve atmospheric percussion-like qualities.

Thematically, Lorde’s timeless exploration of love’s highs and lows is captivating and wise beyond her 20 years, an album that speaks to the ears as much as the heart. Q Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate. Reach him at chris-azzopardi.com and on Twitter (@chrisazzopardi).

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46 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD

Qsaltlake.com |

ISSUE 276 | FEBRUARY 2018

the perils of petunia pap smear

The tale of weddings and lawsuits and stays

BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR

The road

to the wedding chapel is fraught with danger and excitement.

It was a tumultuous December in 2013 when all hell broke loose in Utah. I had just arrived home from work in the evening of Friday, Dec. 20, and kicked off my stiletto driving shoes, opera-length driving gloves, and emergency flashing breasticles and made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to tide my expansive appetite until dinner a mere one hour away. I clicked on the TV news and saw footage of Michael Ferguson and Seth Anderson getting married at the Salt Lake County Clerks office. Holy cow! Never in a million years did I think I would see gay marriage in Utah in my lifetime. Surely an army of Storm Trooping Lawyers would swoop in and stop the festivities. But no!

When Mr. Pap Smear got home, we both watched the news nonstop over the weekend as many were making plans to storm the clerk’s office early Monday morning.

We discussed whether we should join the masses. Late Sunday night, while lying in bed, watching the news, we semi-proposed to each other.

“Should we?”

“I don’t know.”

“How long do you think it will stay legal?”

“Probably about three hours.”

“Well, we probably better try, or who knows when the chance might come again?”

7pm, February 16 First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E fb.me/matronsofmayhem

“Okay then, what time to we need to get up?”

“Probably four.”

“Okay.”

(We are both such romantics, not!)

Monday, Dec. 23, 2013, we got up at 4 a.m., showered, and, going against all my princess training, I dressed for comfort rather than style, because who knows what kind of circus we might be going into and how long it would take. Because it was a special occasion, we entered the McDonalds drive-thru and ordered Sausage McMuffins.

We arrived at the Salt Lake County building just after 6 a.m. when they had opened the doors and let the huddled masses waiting outside into the warmth.

They had us line up around the hallways, circling the whole building on both floors.

Our place in the herd happened to be along the balcony overlooking the atrium.

I counted the line, and we were the 153rd couple in line.

The clerk’s office didn’t open until 9 am.

Officials came through and handed out little notices saying: “The court in Denver is scheduled to open at 10 am. If the court rules to stay the judge’s ruling, at that time we must all leave the building in an orderly fashion.”

Quickly, people computed how many couples they could push through in the one-hour period. Though as bad as I am at math (I couldn’t count to 12 without lit-up breasticles) even this ditzy queen could calculate that the 153rd couple in line didn’t stand a chance in hell.

It was sweltering inside, the building was bulging at the seams, over capacity.

Nine o’clock came, and there was much cheering when the first couple emerged from the clerk’s office and went down into the atrium and had a ceremony performed by the flock of gathering clergy from many churches. The line moved torturously slow.

Ten o’clock came and went. No one came to tell us to leave. Holy cow! We might make it! Some staff from an adjoining office stepped into the hall singing Christmas carols, and a Boy Scout troop showed

up, handing out pizza slices. District Attorney Sim Gill could not stop smiling.

It was a party.

My job was as an on-call delivery driver.

I was counting on luck that I not get called by my work and required to leave. Mr. Pap Smear was supposed to be to his job at 3 p.m. I was worried about timing. Finally, at 1:30, we made it to the clerk’s office. Just at the moment that I was signing the papers, my work dispatcher called and asked if I could do a delivery. In frustration, I yelled into the phone, “I’m trying to get married here! No, I can’t work today!” and promptly hung up.

With license in hand, we descended to the atrium for our ceremony. We saw Pastor Curtis Price from First Baptist Church (where the Matrons of Mayhem have been doing Drag Queen Bingo for several years) just finishing a ceremony.

We asked him if he would do us next. A reporter and photographer from Channel 4 News asked if they could film the ceremony. Sure why not?

Pastor Curtis performed a very traditional ceremony. When he started to get to the part of “do you promise to ... as long as you both shall live,” my nerves got the best of me. Here we were, after 24 years together, having the most important moment in our lives in our street clothes and with no rings to exchange and no family to share it with, so I began to sob. I could barely utter “Yes.” There was the TV camera capturing every gasp and tear. CNN picked up the footage and ran it every half hour for a day and a half. God bless waterproof mascara.

Hang tight; next month is the reception.

Holy cow!

This story leaves us with several important questions: 1. Was my hot and sweaty feeling because my girdle was over capacity?

2. If I had worn my propeller breasticles, could I have given comfort to the whole crowd?

3. If no one properly proposed, does the wedding even count?

4. Were my tears, tears of joy, or of not having the Big Bridezilla Wedding?

These and other eternal questions shall be answered in future chapters of the Perils of Petunia Pap Smear.

FEBRUARY 2018 |

ISSUE 276 | Qsaltlake.com

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 47

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