QSaltLake Magazine - Issue 304 - Sept. 19. 2019

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ALLIES ISSUE ‘POSE’ STAR BILLY PORTER HEADLINES ALLIES: NOW MORE THAN A DINNER. OPENLY GAY WEBER STATE STUDENT BODY PRESIDENT • VENUE CANCELS CONSERVATIVE LGBT FORUM

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ISSUE 304 | SEPTEMBER 19, 2019

from the publisher

At what point should speech be censored?

Earlier

BY MICHAEL AARON

this month, an event touted to be an LGBT conservative forum and drag show was canceled because the venue pulled their space hours before it was to begin. This was the second venue that found the forum “too controversial.”

Both feared a backlash if they housed the event.

Mind you, the introduction to the forum — an open letter calling Utah’s LGBT community a cult — was over-the-top, but should that mean their voices should be silenced?

In the offending blog post, Ryan A. Woods, who once performed in drag as Ryana Woods and now has created a new persona as Lady Maga, bemoaned the fact that the gay movement has moved beyond the time where they “just wanted acceptance and basic rights, such as the right to get married.”

“But now…insanity prevails.

Within the ‘LGBT Community,’ there’s no room for dissent.

If one does not adhere to the following Leftist principles, you lose your LGBT card. If you say anything against these ideals, you’re sure to get in big trouble,” Woods wrote.

Among the principles listed, all with an exclamation point at the end, were “You must hate President Trump, the greatest threat to the LGBT community is white Christians, Gender does not exist, there are endless genders, speech we don’t like is hate speech, transgender children under 18 have the right to take life-altering hormones, stop the NRA, not using someone’s pronouns is dangerous and incites violence.”

You get the point.

I wonder, though, if raising these issues is inherently transphobic, racist, or anti-gay.

Could it also be that someone questioning what we call our basic truths maybe just has a different viewpoint? Could people who have different beliefs actually carry on a conversation that doesn’t use name-calling, hostility, and outrage?

I’ve been on the Log Cabin Republicans Utah Facebook page and found it full of name-calling and belittling comments, and I called out the people running it.

I’ve also been on my own Facebook wall, and QSaltLake‘s page and have had to delete such posts of belittling and name-calling.

What I’m wondering is, what good came out of shutting down a forum you disagreed with? Is this not censorship? Should we not be able to present our ideas for the world to weigh and consider?

I’m personally against almost all forms of censorship. While I won’t be hosting Milo Yiannopoulos at one of my events, I also won’t be picketing to keep him from speaking. I don’t like what he says, and I just wish he’d go away, but I think that should happen because people have grown weary of him and his messages simply don’t resonate.

As presented, this conservative forum could have been a good, constructive beginning to a deeper conversation, even if it wasn’t built on a good, constructive foundation. But we won’t know, because we don’t now live in a world where dissenting opinions can be safely aired. Q

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ISSUE 304

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news The top national and world news since last issue you should know Mayor Pete can’t help but make history The most historic moment of the recent Democratic Presidential debate wasn’t Beto startling Joe Biden out of a nap by saying, “Hell yes,” when asked if he advocated confiscation of AR-15s. No, it was Mayor Pete’s coming-out story on the Democratic presidential debate stage which the Advocate opined, “proved to be a resonating and defining moment for the evening.”

Qsaltlake.com |

Maybe so. He recounted how and why he did it. “I came back from the deployment (to Afghanistan) and realized that you only get to live one life.

And I was not interested in not knowing what it was like to be in love any longer, so I just came out.” He feared it would end his political career, but, “I trusted voters to judge me based on the job that I did for them; they decided to trust me and reelected me with 80 percent of the vote.”

vidual’s sexual behavior from their genome.” The study suggests there is a genetic component but no single gay gene, “Rather the contribution of many small genetic effects scattered across the genome.” Also are non-genomic factors that are described as nurture, family structure, life experiences, where a person is raised in childhood, where they live as an adult, and many other factors were identified as commonalities in the study.

No gay genes

Colorado race outs Baer

The authors of a study covering a half-million DNA profiles hope to bury the 1990s idea that there is a “gay gene” determining sexuality in the way eye color is defined. The study by MIT and the Broad Institute at Harvard and other research organizations announced, “It’s effectively impossible to predict an indi-

It didn’t take long to straight wash the 2020 Colorado Senate race. A very good gay candidate, Dan Baer, had hoped to become the first out, gay man elected to the U.S. Senate since Sen. Rufus King.

He announced he is ending his campaign and endorsing former Gov. John Hickenlooper. Hickenlooper thought

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he was presidential timber in the forest which is the Democratic field for president but was felled by the liberal buzz saw. Hickenlooper is seen as the Democrat most likely to defeat the Republican incumbent Cory Gardner. Baer worked for the U.S. State Department and he helped craft Sec-State Hillary Clinton’s, “gay rights are human rights” speech, delivered before the United Nations in Geneva in December 2011. He worked for Hickenlooper as executive director of the Department of Higher Education.

Baldwin slept here The National Register of Historic Places has added the New York apartment of author James Baldwin to its list of historical landmarks.

Baldwin is the author of Notes on a Native Son and If Beale Street Could Talk and other

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major mid-20th century works and had an apartment on the Upper West Side for more than 20 years. Baldwin spoke candidly about being a gay African-American man and made membership in both communities the cornerstone of his activism and writing.

to Delevingne, “One of the first things Harvey Weinstein ever said to me was, ‘You will never make it in this industry as a gay woman — get a beard.”

Then he turned to quiz her as with whom she had slept. She alleges he tried to touch her in a way she calls “inappropriate.” and asked her to make out with another actress in front of him.

What to make of SNL

‘Time’ for Lil Nas X Lil Nas X, the just self-outed gay country rapper, has made the cover of Time magazine’s August 26 issue. He joins LGBTQ notables who have been click- and newsstand-bait for the failing magazine, including Pete and Chasten Buttigieg and Laverne Cox. Lil Nas X said he feared fans wouldn’t respond well to a Black queer artist. He said “the universe” pushed him out, coincidentally during Pride Month. “Seeing Pride flags everywhere and seeing couples holding hands — little stuff like that,” was his motivation to make a successful marketing move.

Could you hate him any more? Yes Harvey Weinstein has done enough to earn the general hatred coming his way but there’s one on good reason.

Queer actress Cara Delevingne, currently with Orlando Bloom in a new Amazon series, was a model before acting in several films. Her looks, talent, and work led to meetings with Weinstein in 2016. According

The same day Saturday Night Live announced it hired a gay and Asian man named Bowen Yang as a cast member, it also announced hiring Shane Gillis, who has ridiculed minorities, including gay men and transgender people, on his podcasts.

Gillis tried to scrub his podcast, Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast, from the internet, but clips surfaced and an outraged mob has been howling ever since. In a 2018 episode, Gillis imitated Asian people, used anti-Asian slurs, called white women the least funny group of people (gay men are the second least funny) and called transgender people “ladyboys.”

SNL has yet to respond.

NYC moves to repeal conversion therapy ban In a bit of legal jujitsu, the New York City Council has started to repeal the city’s ban on conversion therapy. A federal lawsuit by the Alliance Defending Freedom could have greater implications for LGBTQ people if the ban isn’t lifted, according to city officials. Council Speaker Corey Johnson introduced the repeal in what he called “a painful decision.” The lawsuit was filed on behalf of a therapist in Brooklyn, saying it violated free speech between a therapist and client. The Alliance said it wasn’t “for” the therapy but thought the city’s law as too stringent as it related to therapeutic speech.

Something gay about ‘Downton Abbey’ movie

US ambassador to Germany to replace Bolton?

The new Downton Abbey movie has something for everyone and gay men are included. In the TV series, valet-turnedhead-butler, Burrows has a few episodes revealing his homosexuality and then trying to “cure” himself. The movie gives him the chance for a little romance and some polite groping. The feature film, which takes place in 1927 and revolves around a Royal Visit to the Abbey (How “gayer” does it have to get?) and Burrows gets a little vignette to explore some of his nature. According to Rob James-Collier, the actor playing Burrows, “You see Thomas discover a whole new world which also hammers home what it was like to be a gay man in those times.”

The US Ambassador to Germany, called the “highest-ranking gay person” in the current presidential administration, Richard Grenell, is being considered to replace, “You’re fired…you can’t fire me, I quit” former National Security Adviser John Bolton. Grenell and his partner have represented the US in Germany for about a year. Before that he was at the United Nations, served on the National Security Council in a previous administration, and was the national security adviser for several presidential campaigns. It was announced he would lead United States efforts to “decriminalize” homosexuality worldwide. Q

Transgender former Utah resident attacked in Oregon Lauren Jackson, a 29-year-old transgender woman, who recently left Utah to try her hand at life in Oregon, a state she hadn’t been to before, was brutally beaten after using a woman’s bathroom at an Oregon coast park near Newport.

Jackson suffered several injuries to the face and skull, and was taken to Oregon Health and Science University in Portland for treatment. She said doctors there told her she will need reconstructive surgery, the Newport News Times reported.

The assailant, Fred Joseph Costanza, 37, of Blackfoot, Idaho, struck 10 blows which shattered her jaw in multiple places and fractured her skull, according to police reports.

“He kept saying, ‘Oh, you think you’re some kind of lady?’” Lauren said. “Suddenly, he punched my face. He grabbed my hair.”

The police arrested Costan-

za two days after the attack, Aug. 26, and he’s been charged with second-degree assault, second-degree disorderly conduct, menacing, and harassment. The police said he has a criminal record and was drunk at the time of the attack.

Jackson told The Oregonian she has been overwhelmed by the outpouring of support she’s received since the attack.

Members of Oregon’s LGBTQ community have reached out and welcomed her arrival.

And friends of Jackson have set up a GoFundMe page to raise money for her medical expenses.

While Costanza remains in the Lincoln County jail on $250,000 bail, Jackson is now staying at a short-term rental outside of Portland and looking for a permanent home, and said she will continue building the life she sees for herself around the the things she’s been given. Q

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Utah Sen. Mike Lee joins brief against recognition of LGBT protections Utah Sen. Mike Lee joined seven U.S. senators and 16 members of the House of Representatives arguing that Title VII of the 1964 Civil Rights Act does not protect against discrimination based on gender identity or sexual orientation. The Act indicates that employers cannot discriminate on the basis of “sex,” and many courts have ruled that extends to bias against members of the LGBT community.

The case is scheduled to be heard Oct. 8.

“The word ‘sex’ in Title VII of the 1964 Civil Rights Act was not understood, by courts or the general public, to encompass gender identity or sexual orientation until very recently when a handful of activist judges decided to rewrite the law,” he said in a statement released by his office. “The extraordinarily sensitive interests at stake in these cases, such as how funeral homes instruct their employees to interact with grieving families, shows why the decision of whether and how to expand Title VII must be left to careful deliberation by

Congress, not judicial fiat.”

Over half a century ago, Congress passed the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and Title VII made it illegal for employers to discriminate “because of sex.” Courts have interpreted that to uphold the rights of women to be hired for a so-called “man’s job”; to get promotions without having to wear make-up or behave “more femininely”; to work in offices where sexual favors are not an implicit job requirement; and not to be passed over for a position because they have young children. The courts have read the law to protect men, too. Sexual harassment of male employees counts as sex-based discrimination even if Congress was not contemplating that particular scourge when drafting the law.

Now before the Supreme Court is a case asking if Title VII’s prohibition on sex discrimination protects gay, lesbian, and bisexual people from being fired on the basis of their sexual orientation. And further, does it safeguard transgender workers

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from similar bias?

The individuals in the cases are Gerald Bostock, a social worker in Georgia who was fired after joining a gay softball league; Donald Zarda, a sky-diving instructor in New York whose sexual orientation also cost him his job (he has since died); and Aimee Stephens, an embalmer whose presentation as a transgender woman led to her dismissal from her position at a funeral home in Michigan. Zarda and Stephens won their cases in the Second and Sixth Circuit Courts of Appeals, and Bostock lost his case at the Eleventh Circuit.

Most states have filed joint briefs, with red states asking for a narrow view of the word “sex” and blue states asking for a broader view. Hundreds of CEOs have asked the Court to rule that LGBT employees are covered under the Act. The Trump administration filed a brief asking the Court to allow the firing of LGBT workers in August.

“This is the Trump Administration’s 124th attack on LGBTQ people since taking office and they join Roy Moore in opposition to workplace protections for LGBTQ people,” said a statement released

by GLAAD. Q

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NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 11

Venue cancels Salt Lake LGBT conservative forum hours before it was to start

A conservative forum, hosted by controversial drag queen Lady Maga, did not happen as scheduled, as the organizers were told by the venue hours before it was to start that they no longer are willing to accommodate them. This is the second venue to cancel the event in as many weeks.

Touted as “Utah’s first LGBT Conservatives Forum and Drag show,” the event was to take place at 50 West Club & Cafe on Sept. 6.

“The venue called me and said that there has been a petition to the building owners and powerful business owners in downtown Salt Lake City who said they would lose business if they held our event,” Ryan Woods, the person who performs as Lady Maga, said. “I am shocked and heartbroken and I don’t even have words. This is bullying and silencing free speech.”

The president of the Utah Log Cabin Republicans, Frederick Luchycky, was slated to share “a message of hope and inspiration about his immigrant father and the importance of being openly conservative,” the event page on Facebook read.

Two Jewish-American drag queens from San Francisco, Ariel and Zane Dmaaj, made the trip to Salt Lake to speak and perform.

Organizers are now looking for another venue to hold the event, but no announcements have been made as of press time.

A counter-protest to the event, organized by other Salt Lake area drag queens, including Vega Starr, was canceled after garnering over 300 participants.

Starr wrote that violence was threatened on “both sides” of the event, prompting them to cancel.

“When she [Lady MAGA] announced

Public hearing scheduled on rules of conversion therapy practices A public hearing on the rules of ‘conversion therapy’ practices in Utah is scheduled for 9 a.m. on Sept. 26 at the Heber Wells Building, 160 E. 300 South.

A bill introduced in the last legislative session, HB399, would have prohibited certain health care professionals from providing conversion therapy to a minor; and added a violation of the prohibition to the list of conduct that constitutes unprofessional conduct for licensing purposes.

In a section of the bill, it reads that it “is neutral with respect to sexual orientation or gender identity which provides assistance to a patient or client undergoing gender transition; provides acceptance, support, and understanding of a patient or client; facilitates a patient or client’s ability to cope, social support, and identity exploration and development; addresses unlawful, unsafe, premar-

ital, or extramarital sexual activities in a manner that is neutral with respect to sexual orientation; or discusses with a patient or client the patient or client’s moral or religious beliefs or practices.”

The bill also specifically would have excluded “a clergy member or religious counselor who is acting substantially in a pastoral or religious capacity and not in the capacity of a health care professional; or a parent or grandparent who is a health care professional and who is acting substantially in the capacity of a parent or grandparent and not in the capacity of a health care professional.”

Utah would have been the 16th state to ban conversion therapy, but the bill fizzled after lawmakers altered the bill, which included language that LGBT advocates believed would not stop conversion therapy. It never reached to a vote on the House floor. Q

her first event it accompanied a very mean spirited and completely unfair attack on the LGBTQ+ community, so we were right to be angry,” Starr wrote.

Now, they said, there was no reason to protest, as “Her event had about 40 confirmed or interested guests. Our counter protest had about 300 going or interested.” They also believed that giving Lady Maga more attention was more dangerous than ignoring it.

Woods said it was important that the event goes on.

“Our objective is to HOLD the event, no matter who can come,” Woods said.

“This has become a serious fight against censorship, bullying, and intimidation.” Q

12 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Qmmunity Adopt a Duck

The Queer Utah Aquatic Club will hold its first annual Adopt a Duck Golf Tournament and Fundraiser at TopGolf on Saturday, Oct. 6, 9 a.m. to noon, 920 Jordan River Blvd., Midvale.

Entry into the fundraising tournament is $500 for a team of six. Proceeds go towards helping QUAC athletes attend swim meets and water polo tournaments such as the 2020 IGLA Championships in Melbourne, Australia.

Salt Lake City has many great clubs and non-profit organizations that support the LGBTQ+ community. QUAC’s goal with

Qsaltlake.com |

Adopt a Duck is to not only raise funds for our organization, but also to build more camaraderie and share our collective missions of supporting and celebrating diversity within the community.

If you’re not a part of a team of six, but still interested in attending, QUAC will put you on a team that will provide you with extensive networking and friendship-building opportunities. Follow this link to sign up as an individual participant, and the cost is $85

Transcend genderevolution 2019: TRANSCEND will take place on Saturday, Nov. 9, 8am–6:30pm at the Horizonte Instruction and Training Center,

Mama Dragons to hold a casino night fundraiser Mama Dragons is holding its first-ever fundraiser on National Coming Out Day with the theme “Come Out and Play.”

To be held Oct. 11 at Church and State, 370 S 300 East in downtown Salt Lake City, the evening will include interactive games, prizes, food, and drinks with entertainment by drag performers from the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire and will be emceed by Empress Royale XXI Chaise Manhattan.

Tickets to the 18-and-older event are $65 and will include dinner, a complimentary beverage, $25 in gaming chips, one ticket for the Opportunity Drawing and one spin on the Prize Wheel.

Common Cents Casino Parties will be wheeling and dealing the games for your entertainment all evening, including Texas Hold ’Em, Roulette, Blackjack, and Craps. For those who don’t like games, you can take a spin on the Prize Wheel for donated items such as theater tickets, gift certificates to local restaurants, and more.

For the Opportunity Drawing, donors have provided a chance to win a one-week stay in Florida, two round-trip tickets on Jet Blue, and four nights with stunning valley views at a local Salt Lake AirBnB, just to name a few.

There will also be a photo booth and Mama Dragons Merchandise table.

Since 2014, Mama Dragons’ mission has been to educate, support, and empower mothers of LGBTQ kids so they can become the best possible advocates for their kids. They’ve grown from a handful of LDS mothers to over 3,500 mothers

from all walks of life, faith communities, and regions.

Mama Dragons received its 501(c)3 status in June of 2018 in order to continue developing programming to support its membership. It offers secure spaces for communication in its Facebook groups, face-to-face regional group meetings, mentorship, a community education program, suicide prevention, and a comprehensive resource library. They are planning their first annual conference to be held in October of 2020.

“Mama Dragons exists solely from grants and donations from generous individuals and corporations in the community. Our donors provide the support we need to develop and strengthen the programming we use to find and educate mothers who need our support in accepting and loving their kids, especially mothers from conservative faith traditions,” said Wendy VonSosen, President of Mama Dragons. “We are thrilled to be able to enjoy an evening of entertainment and interaction with our incredible community.”

Proceeds will support the group’s Question, Persuade and Refer Training for Suicide Prevention, the Mama Dragons Community Education Program, participation in Pride festivals, and their efforts to translate their materials for Spanish-speaking communities.

Visit mamadragons.org to support the efforts of Mama Dragons and to purchase your tickets to the event or to become a sponsor. Q

ISSUE 304 | SEPTEMBER 19, 2019

1234 Main St. The opening keynote speaker will be intersex activist Sean Saifa Wall, a visual artist and public researcher. Closing keynote speaker will be Hans Lindahl, queer intersex artist, writer and advocate.

This all-day conference will also include 16 workshops, 4-of-a-kind caucuses, lectures and panels, and mingling with 30+ vendors who support Utah’s gender creative community.

Pre-registration at utahpridecenter.org: $30, Students/Seniors: $15. Scholarships available, no one is turned away.

Salt Lake AIDS Walk Register today for Salt Lake AIDS Walk and make a difference in preventing new infections and providing compassionate services to those impacted by HIV/AIDS. Join the Utah AIDS Foundation for a 3-mile pledge walk in downtown Salt Lake City, Saturday, Sept. 21, 2019. Signup as an individual or form a team today. Ask your friends, family and co-workers to help raise HIV/AIDS awareness.

Fundraising is encouraged. All money raised helps to support critical HIV/AIDS service programs throughout Utah. Be the star by bringing in more donations than everyone else. Ask friends, family, coworkers, members of your church, even strangers on the bus.

Facebook and other social media makes it so easy to take the lead. Utah AIDS Foundation staff will help with hints and tricks to raise more money and are just an email away.

Registration begins 11 a.m., Saturday, Sept.

21, at the Utah State Capitol Building.

Third Friday Bingo for the Street Dawg Crew The Matrons of Mayhem Drag Queen Bingo will raise funds for the Utah Pride Center, Sept. 20, 7-9 p.m., at the First Baptist Church, 777 S. 1300 East. So get practicing your most fabulous twirl and support the Street Dawg Crew — serving the pets of the homeless and other low-income and vulnerable populations.

Additional parking is available in the East High School Football Stadium lot just east of the church parking lot.

People are encouraged to arrive early to get a seat. On several months there has been standing room only and they’ve had to turn people away at the door due to overcapacity.

Admission is $6 for one card or 2 cards for $10 / per person. Party foul insurance is $5, The flamingo hat of shame is also $5. Drag-ina-bag is $50.

Kitchen concessions available for purchase: hot dogs, soft pretzels, nachos, soft drinks, and candy bars. Q

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Utah LGBTQ+ Chamber of Commerce hosting first Economic Summit The first Utah LGBTQ+ Economic Summit, “Raising the Rainbow Economy” will be held this month to help educate, enlighten and develop businesses in the LGBTQ+ community.

The Utah LGBTQ+ Chamber of Commerce is hosting the event for LGBTQ+ and ally business owners Friday, September 27 from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. at the Gail Miller Conference Center on the Salt Lake Community College Sandy Campus.

Salt Lake County Mayor Jenny Wilson will kick off the event to speak on what the future holds for businesses in the county.

Jason Rae, director of affiliate relations of the National LGBT Chamber of Commerce will talk on how to procure more contracts from national suppliers by certifying as an LGBT Business Enterprise.

Utah native Bobby Edwards, CEO of Squatty Potty will share how he developed his pitch that won over Lori Greiner from the hit TV show, Shark Tank and how businesses can hone their message to increase their visibility and sales.

The afternoon will include sessions on best practices for diversity and inclusion in the workplace, social media management, employment specialists, funding opportunities for small businesses, the 10K Small business program, the Chamber’s revamped SafeZone program, and the newly formed LGBTQ+ Chamber Foundation.

Tickets to the event, which include morning coffee and lunch, are $35 or $25 for Utah LGBTQ+ Chamber members.

Sponsorships are available for $250.

Tickets are available at utahlgbtqchamber.org. (Chamber members must log in to get the lower rate.)

QSaltLake Magazine is a member of the Chamber, and its publisher, Michael Aaron, is founder and currently on the board of directors. QSaltLake is also a certified LGBTBE. More information can be found at the event’s website at utahlgbtqchamber.org, by emailing info@utahgaychamber.com or on the event’s Facebook page.

Sept 27, 8am–2pm

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Know who WANTS your business and will treat you with the DIGNITY and RESPECT you deserve

14 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

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ISSUE 304 | SEPTEMBER 19, 2019

Newly elected openly gay WSU student body president has jumped more than his share of hurdles

BY MICHAEL AARON

The newly-elected student body president at Weber State University in Ogden, Utah, had a rough start in life, but took charge at 16 and hasn’t looked back.

At three years old, Bret Alexander’s father left him and his 19-year-old mother.

His mother eventually remarried but became dependent on meth when Bret was around eight years old. The family lived in a hotel, then moved to a trailer parked in the driveway of a relative’s house.

Bret said that he hit a low around eighth grade. His parents were not parenting, and his mother even left him and his sister at the Division of Child and Family Services. She came back the next day, but that episode launched a DCFS investigation.

Alexander became very depressed.

At the age of 16, he left his family.

At first, he couch-surfed then ended up living with an older cousin.

“I knew I wanted a better life than what was provided to me. I had to make a conscious and difficult decision to change my life forever. Lucky for me, it turned out decently,” Alexander said with a small laugh.

He found refuge and purpose in school.

“School was my safe place because no one knew my past. No one could place a label on me because, to them, I was a diligent, energetic, and friendly person.

I treated people how they wanted to be treated, and they reciprocated,” he said.

“I had a friend group that never left my side. I think this was me forming a close, intimate group of people that I could hang out with every day, laugh, smile, and have constructive conversations because I didn’t get any of that at home.”

Alexander was open about his sexuality in high school, coming out at the age of 14.

In school, Alexander says he loved math but fell in love with politics after taking an AP government exam. He felt that he could make a difference.

In school, I LOVED math and AP Government and Politics. I think it was after I passed the AP exam, I fell in love with politics and making a difference.

In high school, he became a senior class officer, choir president, and a member of the National Honor Society.

“I think a lot of LGBTQ+ people run for elected positions for two reasons.

One, it gives them an ability to have a platform and influence. After being marginalized, put down, and silenced your whole life, we strive to make a difference for the future so no one ever has to go through what we did,” he said. “Secondly, I would have to say to show people that

in his election, he said that his mental wellness talking point was very much about that.

“I tied in the oppression of queer individuals to mental wellness. I felt that, especially in Utah, queer folks face a different type of exclusion,” he said. “I also found out that I would be the first openly gay student body president, and I knew that would be history-making, and influence other queer students to step up and speak up.”

Bret Alexander, fourth from the left, poses with the 2019–20 Presidential Cabinet

the LGBTQ+ community is not incompetent or less of a human. We are capable.”

With prompting of friends, Alexander was accepted and received a scholarship at Weber State University. He graduated with a political science degree and is now beginning a masters program.

He ran for student body president under the slogan, “Don’t Fret, Vote Bret.”

“It was catchy and short,” he said.”I focused on three issues: student fee utilization, campus unity, and mental wellness.”

He won the election and is told that he is the first person to win the office, running as an openly gay candidate at Weber State University, and possibly the state of Utah.

Asked if his sexuality played a role

PHOTO: WEBER STATE UNIVERSITY

He says the fact that he is gay and was elected to the student office will bring people together.

“I really believe that this is going to ignite some eye-opening revelation to those who think queer people are less,” he said.

Alexander is studying in the Master of Education in Higher Education Leadership program.

“I am hoping to move into an elected position locally and then work up to influence legislation. If not that, I would love to stay in a university to impact access and affordability for marginalized communities,” he said.

Asked what advice he would give to QSaltLake readers and WSU students, he said: “Do NOT wear socks and sandals together. Also, smile more — it heals.” Q

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ISSUE 304 | Qsaltlake.com

Genderbands inaugurates Utah County Transgender Pride Festival The first-ever Transgender Pride Festival in Utah will be held Sept. 28 in Provo. Presented by Genderbands, which was formed in 2015 solely to fundraise, and eventually pay, for founding President Ian Giles’ top surgery. Today, Genderbands is a local and national nonprofit entity that serves the transgender, gender non-conforming, and other gender diverse communities. The organization is volunteer-lead and executes programming, services, and events on both a local and national scale.

The festival is the new brainchild of Giles, who has felt a need to wholly celebrate in one place the transgender community, particularly in Utah County. “We believe it’s important for the trans community to have the spotlight at times. I especially believe it’s important to host the festival in Utah County,” Giles said, “this is an extremely conservative county with very little LGBT resources and even fewer Trans resources.”

“Trans Pride creates a safe and affirming space for trans people of all gender identities to gather and be themselves, and to recognize the unique experiences and needs of the transgender community,” continued Giles. “We come together to celebrate our trans siblings. We recognize and honor the trans women of color who stood up to defy injustice and launch the LGBTQ rights movement at Stonewall 50 years ago.

“While most LGBTQ Pride events do a great job of celebrating and serving the gay community, sometimes these events fall short of acknowledging and repre-

senting gender minorities. We are working to fill that gap by providing visibility to the trans experience and empowering trans people to live with authenticity.

“Genderbands wants transgender people everywhere, especially in Utah County, to know they are loved, import-

ant, and not alone.”

The festival will be held at Lions Park in Provo on Sept. 28, from 4-8:30 p.m. The event is free, family-friendly, and dog-friendly (on a leash).

There will be food trucks, vendors, and even mermaids.

And the festival is sponsored

by Utah Pride Center: Trans-

action and Rebirth OBGYN Gender Center.

Following the festivities at the park, an after party will commence at City Limits Tavern in Provo starting at 9 p.m, with DJ Toda spinning hot hits, and following at 11 p.m., will be a drag and burlesque show. There is a $5 cover at the door and is a 21+ event. Q For more information, visit the website at genderbands.org/transpride or the Facebook event page at bit.ly/transprideutah

Moab Pride Festival takes place Sept. 25–28 Moab Pride is celebrating its ninth year organizing in southeastern Utah. Their mission is to create queer visibility while providing accessible LGBTQIA programming and safe spaces for the community. Accessible LGBTQIA programming means creating awareness, dialogue, safe spaces and visibility through art, workshops, and celebrations that are inclusive for all ages.

This year, Moab Pride Festival will feature all ages workshops, musical performances, a poetry slam, Orange Party, and the featured Saturday afternoon Visibility March and Gay-La at Swanny Park. Visibility Marches happen around the U.S. to rally QTs (queertrans folks) and allies together to engage in a public display of PRIDE; Pride in ourselves, our community, the steps we take and the fights we fight to remain visible, safe, and strong in today’s world! Show your support by participating in the 2019 Visibility March: grab a friend, a rainbow flag or two, make a sign geared towards the themes of love and acceptance, and dance your way through downtown Moab.

Schedule: THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 26 1-2:30pm @ MARC: Youth Workshop on Poetry & Identity (WTD Poetry Club) 6pm @ Star Hall: Film Screening of “Alaska is a Drag” (Moab to Monument Valley Film Commission) 6pm: Organizers Tea Ceremony (Mobile Moon Co-op)

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 27 1-2:30pm @ MARC: Youth Workshop 3-4:30pm @ MARC: Creating Consent Culture workshop 6pm @ Star Hall: Spit Love: A Queer Poetry Slam 9pm @ Woody’s: Orange Party

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 28 12:30pm @ Swanny City Park: Opening Circle (Taiko Drumming, Mayor Emily Niehaus, and Lily’s Hope with Marcy Till) 1pm @ Swanny City Park: Visi-

bility March 2–5pm @ Swanny City Park: Gay-La in the park Vendor Booths, Food trucks, and Entertainment 2pm: Masturbating Hearts 3pm: Fists in the Wind 4pm: Stop Karen 8–11pm @ MARC: Moth Closet: An All Ages Dance Party 8pm: Shaun Carley 9pm: Haven of Hues 9:30pm: Ava Lux Moab Pride Festival takes place at a variety of locations in downtown Moab: Moab Arts & Rec Center: 111 E. 100 North Woody’s World Famous Tavern: 221 S. Main St (Hwy 191) Swanny City Park: 400 N. 100 West Star Hall: 159 E. Center Street Moab Community Tea Garden: 100 W. 165 North More information at moabpride.org

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ISSUE 304 | SEPTEMBER 19, 2019

quotes “To be gay is beautiful and right and perfect.”

—QSaltLake Ally of the Year 2018, Dan Reynolds

“It has certainly never been news to me that a brave and brilliant man could love other men.”

— Author J.K. Rowling

“In my household, being gay was, and is, no big deal. When my brother came out, we hugged him, said we loved him, and that was that.”

— Anne Hathaway

“It’s not necessarily about allies between the straight and gay communities, it’s sort of just championing connectivity and compassion.’”

—Darren Criss

“I feel like a wonderful thing about our future will be that there will be nothing remarkable about a straight actor saying that he supports gay rights.”

—Daniel Radcliffe

“When I started in the mainstream it was the gays that lifted me up. I committed myself to them and they committed themselves to me, and because of the gay community I’m where I am today.”

—Lady Gaga

“Sexuality is a human, glorious part of existence. In Sam’s [her son] case, certainly, nature told him what to be. It wasn’t something he looked to be, and he found it difficult to grapple with. I welcomed him to welcome himself, and find that part of his life.”

—Sally Field

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ISSUE 304 | Qsaltlake.com

guest editorial

Is PrEP forgetting the LGBT community?

BY MARK SEGAL

If you’re

a member of the LGBT community, you’re affected by HIV/AIDS in many ways. And if you needed information related to AIDS/ HIV when the crisis emerged, there was only one reliable place to turn: your local LGBT newspaper, like this one. At that time, the mainstream media, even The New York Times and The Philadelphia Inquirer, were derelict in their duties as media sources and journalists. If you needed to know where to receive treatment, what drugs were available to help, and new organizations that were formed to help support the fight, the only place you could find information on a regular, reliable basis was your local LGBT newspaper.

It was also in your local LGBT newspaper that you first read about the new drug called PrEP. The company that developed PrEP knew that among their markets was the LGBT community, so they made sure we received press releases about promising results from the drug during development.

The first marketing campaign benefited the gay community, our community, a community very much affected by HIV/AIDS. But you might have noticed it’s no longer this way. These drug companies have a TV strategy now. Have you seen their commercials on FX or other TV channels?

It might not seem important to you that a drug company has decided to leave the LGBT media market and head to the greener pastures of mainstream media, but it is, because LGBT media will be writing about the long-term effects of PrEP, as we did with the first miracle drug, AZT. And it is LGBT media that will write about any new drugs that come along, and new drugs will come because advancements are always being made.

Why am I writing this? As someone who has seen this community grow for 50 years now, I’ve also watched as corporate America has woken up to how strong a buying market we are. I’m acutely aware of corporate responsibility to give back to

communities that support their products, and I applaud the National LGBT Chamber of Commerce for educating us about economic equality. If our community is partially responsible for the success of a product, shouldn’t the company support our community? Or, even more logically, shouldn’t the company continue to seek people who need the product by advertising in a place that they trust?

A recent study from the Williams Institute points out, thanks to PrEP, there is a sexual revolution going on in our community. Doesn’t that mean they have a responsibility to educate our community?

This is a discussion that many LGBT publishers have had in a changing media landscape. Looking back over 50 years of activism, including 44 as a publisher of LGBT media, I’m happy to see banks, communications companies, casinos and real estate companies in our papers. Do you know why we have so many companies in our papers?

It’s because of your strong voice and loyalty to companies that support our community.

Think Absolut Vodka.

While we can easily find what the Swedish vodka company has done for the LGBT community and media for 25 years, especially in support of the HIV/AIDS community, can we say the same for companies who make PrEP or an economic powerhouse like Apple? I think you know the answer.

Maybe in my next 50 years of activism, I’ll see an Apple ad in an LGBT newspaper.

And maybe PrEP companies will come to the realization that you can’t just blare ads on mainstream media and hope that people will pay attention. Our community takes LGBT media seriously because we take our community seriously. Our number one concern is educating the people we serve, something that PrEP companies seem to have, unfortunately, forgotten. Q Mark Segal, publisher of Philadelphia Gay News, is the nation’s most-award-winning commentator in LGBT media.

You can follow him on Facebook at fb.me/MarkSegalPGN or Twitter @PhilaGayNews

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ISSUE 304 | SEPTEMBER 19, 2019

who’s your daddy

Yours, mine and ours

BY CHRISTOPHER KATIS

Last month

I conducted a family member’s wedding. They both had been married before, and they each had kids from their previous marriage. They’re a modern-day Brady Bunch. Seeing Kelsey and Kevin joining their two families into one made me think about LGBTQ parents who have created their own blended families.

Take for example my friends Stefani and Kori. Before they

became a couple, they each had two kids of their own. Stefani was the mom of Kennedy and Chase (then 10 and 13, respectively), and Kori was the mom of then 4-year-old twins, Beau and Brady. It was a mess of coming out, blending two families into one and dealing with extended families.

At first, it wasn’t very easy.

“The biggest challenge we faced was the difficulty Kennedy had with me in a relationship with another woman,” Stefani told

me. “She struggled for years and didn’t want any of her friends to know.”

That’s not surprising. Dr. Vanessa Lapointe, a registered psychologist and the author of the book, Parenting Right from the Start says, “If as a parent your transition into a blended family has come on the heels of coming out to your children and their other parents, then this will be the starting place of acceptance, with blending and all of the additional change and transition that comes with that being secondary.”

Kennedy did come around.

She’s now her moms’ biggest advocate and loves and accepts Kori as her mother. This may have been helped by the women’s immediate use of the word “our.” The kids weren’t “yours” and “mine,” they were always “ours.” This seems to have led the kids to form a bond among themselves right from the start.

“Although it took her time to accept Kori, our daughter jumped all in with her new little brothers,” Stefani continued. “She accepted them right away, and loved being a little mommy to them.” Chase, Beau and Brady had an instant bond, likely aided by the age difference.

“Give kids some time,” Dr. Lapointe adds. “By being lovingly in the lead, setting boundaries where appropriate, and creating a big invitation for ALL emotions and feelings to flow, you are well on your way to creating a family environment that can be harmonious and connected.”

It’s also important to

remember that family extends beyond parents and kids. Both women had to deal with their own parents and siblings. “My family accepted Kori and the twins immediately, which is kind of crazy when you consider their daughter and sister just came out as lesbian.”

On the other hand, most of Kori’s family is actively LDS making it more challenging — but they’re working through it together and making progress.

Dr. Lapointe reminded me, “All anybody wants is to be seen and heard. Create a big invitation for welcoming the presence, emotionally and otherwise, of important family members. Love them and have your children see that love flow even if there is conflict, disagreement, or resistance.”

For other LGBTQ couples blending their families, Stefani and Kori have some great advice: “Be patient, be loving, be respectful and be thoughtful of their feelings. Remember, your kids did not get to choose their parents, nor your decisions.”

That wisdom seems to have worked. A decade on, their blended family is happy and thriving. Stefani summed up the family’s experience perfectly, “Blended and same-sex relations? There’s a unique challenge for you! But it’s been great. Our family is great. And I wouldn’t change a thing.”

Thanks Stefani and Kori for sharing your family’s experience. Q You can reach Dr. Lapointe at www. drvanessalapointe.com and buy her book at https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Right-Start-Healthy-Foundation/ dp/1928055389/

SEPTEMBER 19, 2019 |

ISSUE 304 | Qsaltlake.com

creep of the week

Super Happy Fun America

BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI

If you

said the words “Super Happy Fun America” to me and then asked me what that was, I would have guessed it was the name of a low-budget, USA-themed amusement park with a lot of red, white and blue cowboy hats, Big Macs at every concession stand and a requirement that everyone in attendance carry a gun.

That, it turns out, is incorrect. “Super Happy Fun America” is actually more awful.

It is, in fact, the name of the organization that put on the so-called Straight Pride parade in Boston on Aug. 31.

On the SHFA website, President John Hugo says, “Straight people are an oppressed majority. We will fight for the right of straights everywhere to express pride in themselves without fear of judgment and hate. The day will come when straights will finally be included as equals among all of the other orientations.”

That Hugo co-opts the language of LGBTQ equality groups is no accident. It’s clear that SHFA has done its homework.

In an interview on Fox’s “Watters World” before the event took place, Hugo is so unhinged that he makes host Jesse Watters, who is basically a palm full of hair gel in a suit, seem reasonable and smart.

“Are you just doing this as a joke to be provocative, or do you really feel this strongly about this?” Watters asks.

“No, no,” Hugo insists. “We knew we were going to trigger the left, and that’s why we called

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 19

it Super Fun Happy America.”

“Can you understand why the LGBTQ community is a little bit upset by this?” Watters asks.

Hugo responds that Milo Yiannopoulos, a gay man who makes a living pissing gay people off to the delight of anti-LGBTQ right-wingers, is the head of their parade.

“We’ve got gay people who are helping us,” he says. “We’ve got gay allies.”

Hugo also says they want to include an “S” in LGBTQ because “it’s more inclusive that way.”

And then he laughs in this really creepy way. It’s uncomfortable to watch Hugo because this is clearly not a man who is confident in himself, especially compared to the overly confident Watters. That makes him the perfect person to lead this charge of hetero misfits.

In a video of the parade posted online, there’s a giant pro-Trump float (fun fact: that monstrosity originated in Michigan and is available to rent for “weddings, parades, birthdays, rallies” according to its Facebook page) and a lot of white men in red MAGA hats. There is also someone in a shark costume carrying a sign that reads, “Straight Lives Matter” next to someone wearing an inflatable T-Rex costume waving a Trump 2020 flag.

In other words, it was a circus; only it was a circus filled with people who are terrible and no fun at all. It’s the bleakest parade I’ve ever seen.

In the video, it’s hard to see who is part of the parade versus who’s covering the

event (a lot of people seem to be wearing press badges). There are also a lot of police officers.

According to The Guardian, the event “drew more than 1,000 counter-protesters and a few hundred supporters.”

In other words, not an ideal ratio for the straight pride-goers.

SHFA Vice President Mark Sahady declared the event “a HUGE success.”

And for them it was huge.

The fact that they got a couple hundred people to show up is pretty impressive.

It’s hard to tell how seriously SHFA expects people to take it. On the one hand, they claim to be very serious. On the other hand, well, they call themselves Super Happy Fun America.

But it would be a mistake to dismiss the whole thing as a joke. The aim is to minimize the very real struggle for LGBTQ equality. That a straight pride parade exists seems, on the surface, like a perfectly reasonable response to the fact that an LGBTQ pride parade exists.

But, of course, it isn’t. There

H

is no history of heterosexual oppression (unless you count the religious right’s war against birth control and sex outside of marriage, but that’s just heteros oppressing themselves).

There hasn’t been a systemic effort to deny or punish the existence of straight people.

Presenting the straight pride parade as if it is equally legitimate (or equally illegitimate, which seems to be the argument SHFA is going for) to a traditional Pride event is to intentionally diminish LGBTQ Pride.

It also allows people who reject the idea that LGBTQ people are deserving of equality and respect to celebrate their hatred openly.

It’s another example of the majority seeing equal rights as a zero-sum game. It’s not super, it’s not happy, it’s not fun. But it is America, for better, or in this case, for worse. Q D’Anne Witkowski is a poet, writer and comedian living with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBT politics for over a decade. Follow her on Twitter @MamaDWitkowski.

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ISSUE 304 | SEPTEMBER 19, 2019

lambda lore

1995 brought major changes to Utah’s LGBT community

In 1995

BY BEN WILLIAMS

Utah’s gay and lesbian community lacked the basic civil rights afforded to other citizens. They could be fired from jobs or evicted from their apartments because of their sexual orientation. Employees of Salt Lake County and the University of Utah were two exceptions although the Republican County Commissioners had proposed to remove anti-discrimination protections for its gay employees that gay activist David Nelson had written.

Utah had no elected official who was openly gay and the overwhelmingly Republican Mormon Legislature was homophobic. Fearing ramifications from a pro-marriage equality ruling in Hawaii, Utah had in 1995 become the first state to pass a law prohibiting recognition of same-sex marriages performed in other states.

Also, as the old guard gay and lesbian volunteer activists began to burn out in 1995, they slowly began to be replaced with paid activists who sustained the movement towards equality until LGBTQ professionals stepped in to create the organizations we have in the 21st Century.

I was mentioned that year in a Salt Lake Tribune article when asked about the changes happening in the gay community. “Ben Williams, the Stonewall archivist, grows nostalgic. The 43-year-old reminiscences about the old days when the torch was carried by folks with nothing more than a fire in their guts. Now the Stonewall Center has computers. The Utah AIDS Foundation accepts resumes.

And activists wear suits. ‘There were so few of us, we kind of all rallied together,’ Williams recalls wistfully. ‘Gay has become a job instead of an adventure.’”

Having been intimately involved with those who were movers and shakers in the fledgling Gay community, I was keenly aware that the times were changing.

One of the most significant organizations that faded away in 1995 was the Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah which had coordinated community growth for nearly a decade. However, it too began to weaken in importance as folks could not be found to replace leaders who were burning out. Also many of the founding member organizations had dissolved or had dropped out of the council by 1995. Groups such as Unconditional Support, Wasatch Leather Men, and Queer Nation, that were once powerhouses had by then disbanded.

Also gone or reorganized were the Resurrection Metropolitan Community Church, Queer Nation, the Knights of Malta, OWLS-Older and Wiser Lesbians, and The Horizon House.

Perhaps the most visible loss to the public at large was Queer Nation. It was founded locally in 1990 and specialized in “in-your-face” stunts that forced straight people to acknowledge homosexuality.

Two of its founding members Curtis Jensen and Connell O’Donovan had moved from Salt Lake City. O’Donovan moved in 1993 to Moab for two years and then to Santa Cruz, California. Jensen moved to San Francisco. Jensen said that one of the reasons Queer Nation disappeared was that members were drained of energy. He said. “It was such an intense experience for people involved in it. It couldn’t last forever.”

Some other notable changes in 1995 were that many high-profile leaders were moving out of state or resigning from their positions. Moving out of state were Kathy Worthington, founder of the Womyn’s Community News; Kate Kendall, a lawyer for the Utah chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union; John Bennett, executive director of the Utah Stonewall Center; and Dale Sorenson of the Gay and Lesbian Utah Democrats.

With Worthington and her partner

Sara Hamblin’s move, the Womyn’s Community News ceased publishing. However a short lived lesbian publication called Labrys was started by Dina and Whitney Hannah, which they had hoped would fill the void. The Pillar of the Gay and Lesbian Community however was still the main publication, but its core partnership was dissolving. Eventually Todd Dayley became the sole owner of the paper and with Kim Russo as acting editor.

Kendall, the former ACLU lawyer, moved to California to become the executive director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights. She saw the move as an exciting opportunity for gay Utah leaders to make a national difference. However in San Francisco, where an estimated 15 to 20 percent of the population was gay, Kendall said she believed her effectiveness was somewhat diluted compared to being in Salt Lake City. She said, “In a place like Utah, activists are sorely needed. In a place like San Francisco, it’s a big yawn.”

John Bennett, former U.S. Senator Bob Bennett’s nephew, resigned from the Utah Stonewall Center due to salary conflicts with the board of directors and then moved to San Francisco California.

He had been active in the gay community virtually since he came out at the University of Utah. Bennett had worked with the Lesbian and Gay Student Union, AIDS Project Utah, and the Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah. For three years, he played piano for the Salt Lake Men’s Choir and, in 1993, founded The Lesbian and Gay Chorus of Salt Lake City. Bennett’s departure was a significant loss.

Gay and Lesbian Utah Democrats activist Dale Sorenson, Utah’s first openly gay Democratic National Convention delegate, was for years the No. 1 “queer in all the news media’s Rolodexes.”

Sorenson said of his time with GLUD,

SEPTEMBER 19, 2019  | 

ISSUE 304  |  Qsaltlake.com

“It was fun, but it got really tiring after a while. I had work and activism and that was my whole life. I wrecked a couple relationships. I was doing it because I felt I had to, because no one else was.

I saw them as worthy causes and could not let them go.�

However, the pride Sorenson felt when strangers thanked him for being out eventually turned to bitterness. Finally exhausted, Sorenson quit GLUD and moved to Manhattan.

AIDS had also gutted leadership in the community’s bars and organizations. At the Utah AIDS Foundation, interim director Rick Pace resigned after becoming what he called “battle-weary.� Pace left UAF because of burnout. Pace said he was weary from all the funeral announcements, two or three a week. “You just keep getting punched and punched and punched and after a while, you don’t want to get

punched anymore,� he added.

He was replaced by Barbara Shaw, the first non-gay person to be hired as the executive director of UAF. In 1995, AIDS was still the number one cause of death among men age 22 to 44 in Utah. Deaths from AIDS peaked in Utah with 130 officially counted deaths by the end of 1995, however there were many more who died but were not counted by the Utah Health Department. This was in accordance with the Centers for Disease Control guidelines. Fortunately, due to better treatments, AIDS was no longer an imminent death sentence after 1995, nonetheless over 158 new cases of full blown AIDS were diagnosed during the year. In all, since the CDC required states to track AIDS statistics in 1983, there had been 1,157 reported cases of AIDS in Utah with over 600 deaths by 1995.  Q

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ISSUE 304 | SEPTEMBER 19, 2019

Allies Dinner becomes a full-on gala in three acts

BY ASHLEY HOYLE

If it’s fall

in Salt Lake, local members of the LGBTQ+ community know to start breaking out their finest for the annual Allies Dinner. However, this year’s event, hosted by Equality Utah, is nothing but turnkey. Attendees and supporters can, of course, rely on fundraising for an important queer cause, great food, and fabulous entertainment, but this year they’ll be in a totally new package.

The past 16 years have seen many iterations of the Allies Dinner. QSaltLake Magazine picked the brain of Mindy Young, director of development at Equality Utah, to root through the history and future of this signature community gathering.

“It was originally Unity Utah instead of Equality Utah,” said Young of the event’s beginnings, “It started being hosted in a small room in a restaurant and we couldn’t believe people showed up.

It’s just grown and grown.”

As the numbers of people wanting to participate soared, the event graduated to the Salt Palace. But even the cavernous and iconic downtown venue could not

contain the now riotous and celebratory Allies Dinner, having served 1,950 attendees last year.

“In the Salt Palace we were squished to the gills,” said Young, “We could hardly walk between tables.”

A special offering for this particular kind of mission-driven work brought the event’s team an answer they were in growing need of finding. The Eccles Theater’s nonprofit rate made it possible to bring the Allies Dinner more space for people, food, and of course, flash.

Of her close colleague and executive director of Equality Utah, Troy Williams, Young said, “Both Troy and I are theater people and so moving to the Eccles presented a fascinating question. We were like ‘What does it become?’”

The answer: an all-out extravaganza.

“We’re calling it the Camp Gala.

Everybody gets so into the dressing up — this year it’s glamour inferno. With Billy Porter we’re all feeling the pressure to be even more fabulous,” said Young on this year’s theme and talent.

What was once a dinner has responded to the clamor of support with a no-holdsbarred evening planned for glamorous attendees. Supporters will experience the event in three acts, a structure paying homage to its new home.

Billy Porter is slaying the world Broadway has known and celebrated Billy Porter for many years. Since landing his role as Pray Tell in the FX series Pose and setting the fashion world on fire, he has become known to the rest of the world as well. Porter, 49, gagged People magazine with his embroidered suit and pink-lined cape at the 2019 Golden Globes and his tuxedo ball gown at the Academy Awards.

They awarded him with a spot on the People’s Best Dressed of 2019 list. Headlines around the globe are blaring Porter’s “takeover” of London Fashion Week and his 15 looks in 72 hours.

“As a man, I really want to make a different kind of statement and show up in a way that could also be transformative, that could also be political,” Porter told People. “My goal was to be a walking piece of political art. When I show up that’s what my goal is. Put a man in a dress and it’s controversial, doesn’t make any sense, but okay. Let’s keep having this conversation until we can change something.” Q

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Act One Act One will kick off the night with socializing over a gourmet menu.

“At many galas you don’t really get to mix and mingle with everyone, this will be a chance for folks to actually be together,” said Young on their commitment to building community.

Food service will be executed by Culinary Crafts, a prolific Utah-based catering company. The meal will be served tapas style and available to grab and go on every single one of the five floors of the venue.

That’s not everything.

“There will be entertainment, photo ops, music, everything going on all different levels,” Young said.

Act Two In Act Two, guests will sit down to the show itself. The production will feature local actors who all volunteer their time and talent to the cause.

“I get incredible Salt Lake-based collaborators and just show off lots of local talent,” said Young.

The show will of course center on the distribution of awards and the host and headliner Billy Porter. Co-Chairs Olivia Jamaillo, Mary Anne Huntsman, and Dhiraj Chand will honor Taryn Hyatt and Carol Lynn Pearson alongside heroes of the legislature who helped get anti-hate crime legislation passed. Equality Utah spent four years working in tandem with these legislators fighting to put laws in place preventing hate crimes in their home state.

“Four prides we had to wait through without these protections,” Young said, “These dollars are going to serious things like that and contribute to keeping that kind of work happening. Our impact on the legislature is incredible. It keeps a balance on our state.”

The show itself is one of the aspects that will be most impacted by the changes in store in 2019. After years of struggling to put on a proper show, Young is excited.

“We now have state-of-the-art sound and lighting. The Salt Palace has been great and we hope to have more events there, but we needed to grow. We’re getting so much more support than ever and we appreciate it so much.”

This reinvention will create what

Young deems a “dynamic experience” made possible by the amazing facilities local to Salt Lake City.

The stage will be peppered with local drag queens including Mindy Mormon, Savannah Van Cartier, London Skyes and led up by emcee Gia Bianca Stephens.

Brad Carroll of the Utah Shakespeare Festival will serve as musical director to dancers of Ballet West. All the excitement and star power will culminate in a closing number with the entire ensemble led by Billy Porter himself.

“The show could stand on its own, but we wanted it to be an event where we get to be with each other and really see each other,” Young said with pride shining through her voice.

Act Three Finally, Act Three brings a nightclub-style after-party with more entertainment and an exciting DJ to be announced shortly.

According to Young, “You don’t have to go anywhere for the after-party, it will be right there in the Eccles.”

Beyond the thrilling event offerings, Equality Utah has serious work to do.

One message Young wants folks to walk away with is that the Allies Dinner is for everyone. Scholarship tickets are available and have always been, for those who cannot hit the higher price point tickets and sponsorships. “I hope you’ll encourage people — you just have to click and fill it out,” explained Young, “It will grant access to a lot of people who haven’t been able to come. We’re hoping people will take advantage of it.” With 700 more seats to offer, the event now has room to become even more inclusive than it has been in years past.

With the mantra “spark the fire” at the core of this year’s event, we had Young speak to the meaning of this phrase to those planning it.

“It’s the 50th anniversary of Stonewall.

We have great reverence because of that.

We have been thinking about how we can take these embers that have been burning and spark them and make it grow.”

She joked that the team had originally thought the word they were looking for was ‘stoke’ but decided that, “spark is more fabulous.” The theme is serious, yet playful. Young shared that there will be

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fans available to guests so, “We can all shablam like Todrick and then fan the flame inside ourselves.”

Why? Fun, games, food, and celebration aside the dollars collected through the Allies Gala will funnel through the community which supports it and which it supports.

Other efforts of Equality Utah have seen similar giving cycles, like their campaign to end conversion therapy.

“We had funding from so many donors who wanted to see it end it Utah,” Young said of the effort’s success. “We were shown so much love financially that we were able to do things like place billboards against conversion therapy on the Wasatch Front.”

The way donations can widen and spread the message of the organization is key to its growth.

“When it moves out of just our queer community — when people outside are talking about ending it — that’s what we need,” Young said.

The reach of Equality Utah is spreading fast with the help of generous donors like these, with a new regional coordinator in St. George and the Wasatch Back, their small staff of five is starting to be able to reach throughout this broad state.

“Think of all the actual lobbying and the work we do on the hill, it’s endless,” said Young, “It’s just so much work, it’s all encompassing.”

She shared a memory of their latest slate of events in St. George being constantly interrupted by notifications coming through about news from their latest session in the legislature. That’s where the money goes — to expanding the capacity of EU to convene more people in the community and reach more people outside of it.

“This tireless work has been worth it,” gushed Young, “We try to find common ground for all Utahns. We all deserve to live a healthy, happy life without being afraid of being fired because of our identity. That’s the goal. We’re moving good things forward and bad things towards the back.” Q More information about the Allies Gala can be found at ­allies2019.org and Equality Utah’s Facebook page. Attendees can check out further information and buy tickets there, as well as collect their 30% discount Lyft Code.

24 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | ALLIES ISSUE

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Ally: Carol Lynn Pearson Carol Lynn Pearson is one of the bestknown and best-loved Latter-day Saint literary authors. She writes in a wide variety of genres, including poetry, theater, novel, and non-fiction. She graduated from Brigham Young University with an MA in theatre, taught for a time at Snow College and BYU, and was then hired by the BYU motion picture studio to write educational and religious screenplays.

Borrowing two thousand dollars, her husband Gerald created a company called “Trilogy Arts” and published her first book of poetry, called Beginnings in 1968.

This work was a great success, and led to a series of poetry collections, including The Search, The Growing Season, A Widening View, I Can’t Stop Smiling, and Women I Have Known and Been.

She produced numerous educational motion pictures, including the wellknown Cipher in the Snow (1973), as well as many plays and musicals. The musicals include the frontier-era The Order is Love (1971), the Godspell-like My Turn on Earth (1977), and The Dance (1981), which was later adapted into a feature film.

She both wrote and performed over 300 times a one-woman play, Mother Wove the Morning (1989) In 1986 Random House published her memoir Goodbye, I Love You, which centered on the story of her marriage to Gerald, his homosexuality, their divorce, and his death from AIDS some years later.

“This book was about our 12-year Mor-

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mon temple marriage, our four children, our divorce, our ongoing friendship, and my caring for him in my home as he died of AIDS,” she wrote. “This book took me on a national tour with appearances on Oprah, Good Morning America, and many other major talk shows, as well as a feature in People Magazine. For numerous people, this book opened up the conversation on homosexuality.”

Twenty years later, she published No More Goodbyes: Circling the Wagons Around Our Gay Loved Ones, a powerful look at LGBT issues in the Mormon community in the first years of the 21st century.

“Tragic goodbyes are still being said: to suicide, ill-fated marriages and family alienation,” she said. “But it also has an abundance of positive stories, families letting nothing come between them and their gay loved ones. This book has saved lives and changed the hearts of family members and church leaders.”

A stage play written for Plan-B Theatre Company that tells the story of a Mormon couple dealing with the suicide of their gay son is Facing East. The scene is the cemetery directly after the funeral, with the parents trying to understand.

Suddenly someone arrives whom they have never met — Marcus, their son’s deeply-loved partner. Tension turns into listening, and understanding begins. “Best Play” award by the Deseret News, followed by a limited Off-Broadway run.

Carol Lynn is the mother of four grown children, and now lives in Walnut Creek, California. Q

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Ally: Taryn Hiatt Taryn Hiatt is a courageous ally and champion to the LGBTQ community. As the area director for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, Taryn fought tirelessly to save lives. She is both a survivor of suicide and a survivor of suicide loss, when she lost her father in 2002.

This year, she and the AFSP made it their legislative priority to reduce LGBTQ youth suicide by advancing legislation to end conversion therapy. Taryn has weathered many storms with our community, and has proven that through good times and bad, she will always be fighting, right by our side.

As a dedicated advocate, Taryn shares her story and passion to give hope and educate our communities about suicide. Taryn is a certified safeTALK, CONNECT

Post‑vention and Mental Health First Aid Trainer, facilitating hundreds of seminars to many different groups. She is a passionate advocate for change and has been featured in US News and The Huffington Post. She has testified before

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the U.S. Congress to increase awareness and support for better access to mental health services and to promote healthy discussions about suicide. She is widely respected for her hard work and dedication to saving lives. Q

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ISSUE 304 | SEPTEMBER 19, 2019

ask mr. manners

In praise of cupcakes

BY ROCK MAGEN

Each month,

the company I currently work for makes an announcement that they have cupcakes available in the break room in celebration of all the employees who have a birthday that month. While this practice has become routine, I’ve started to notice that each month the cupcakes which are being delivered have a

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“theme.” Cupcakes served in July are red, white and blue, while cupcakes served in November are picturesque of Fall. However, for the past few years, I noticed that the cupcakes served in October, arrive on October 11, decorated with rainbows.

You may recall that National Coming Out Day is an annual LGBT awareness day observed on October 11. Founded in the

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United States in 1988, the initial idea was grounded in the feminist and gay liberation spirit of personal being political, and the emphasis on the most basic form of activism: of coming out to family, friends and colleagues, and living life as an openly lesbian or gay person. The fundamental belief is that homophobia thrives in an atmosphere of silence and ignorance, and that once people know that they have loved ones who are lesbian or gay, they are far less likely to maintain homophobic or oppressive views.

An ally in my work office is doing some overtime to ensure that everyone feels welcomed. As I continued to ponder on this attention to detail, I wondered how many other “kindnesses” can be attributed to our LGBT allies. Allies are some of the most effective and powerful voices of the LGBT movement. Not only do allies help people in the coming-out process, they also help others understand the importance of equality, fairness, acceptance and mutual respect.

What is required of the role of the straight LGBT ally? Is an ally simply a person who is “OK” with LGBT people? Is an ally a person who shares stories of LGBT plight on social media, and says the right things? Is an ally someone who joins LGBT campaigners on the frontline? Does it take something more?

Less? Why does it matter?

The group AthleteAlly uses the following definition of an ally: “An ally recognizes that toxic masculinity, white supremacy, and their manifestations — including racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia — hurt all of us. To live in allyship is a constant, lifelong process of having often uncomfortable and difficult conversations… about the impact (not intent) of words and actions, and how seemingly harmless biases and beliefs can cause lasting harm to the people around us.”

LGBT people are our mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles and cousins. This is a fact and it isn’t going away. This month we have the opportunity to celebrate those individuals who have chosen to be an ally and a friend at home, school, church and work. Often a straight ally can merely be supportive and accepts the LGBT person, or a straight ally can be someone who personally advocates for equal rights and fair treatment. In my life, I am grateful for the ally who has chosen to show their support with cupcakes and I look forward to seeing the rainbow cupcakes in October. Q

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ISSUE 304 | Qsaltlake.com

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ART EXHIBITS

Tony’s Gay Agenda

BY TONY HOBDAY

Currently on exhibit at the UTAH MUSEUM OF FINE ARTS is Power Couples: The Pendant Format in Art that explores works of art conceived as pairs and examines how timeless pairings from sixteenth-century Europe to contemporary Utah illuminate of-the-moment ideas.

Curator Leslie Anderson conceived and organized the exhibition, the first of its kind devoted to a comprehensive look at the pendant format and the artistic strategies at play in such works. Drawing chiefly from the UMFA’s dynamic collection, Power Couples explores how artists have used the pendant format across media, cultures, and time periods to explore gender roles and social status; to present moments of before-and-after, cause-and-effect and departure-and-return; and to compare and contrast familiar stories and ideas.

Visitors are encouraged to engage with these concepts through a variety of in-gallery experiences such as dressing up to create your own pendant, a magnet board that allows you to change and disrupt the gender roles of Barthel Bruyn the Younger’s Portrait of a Gentleman and Portrait of a Lady (ca.1555–1565), and more.

THURSDAY — POWER COUPLES: THE PENDANT FORMAT IN ART

19

UMFA, 410 Campus Center Dr., UofU, times vary through Dec. 8. Tickets $12.95, plus October special of BOGO Friday nights, umfa.utah.edu

CONCERTS

Longtime LGBT ally SARA BAREILLES returns to the Utah stage. Earlier this year, Chris Azzopardi interviewed her about her “own be-bold guidance for her fifth solo album, Amidst the Chaos, making timely feminist assertions (“Armor”) and using coded language to write songs that could be about love but were actually written, mournfully, longingly, with a specific loved one in mind: Barack Obama” Acclaimed duo SHOVELS & ROPE will perform at The Commonwealth Room in support of their new album

By Blood. Known for their honest, literate and narrative-driven songwriting, Cary Ann Hearst and Michael Trent inject raw and fiercely passionate emotion into the 10 new tracks on the album. The husband and wife team have built a reputation as boldly honest, heart-onsleeve artists who put everything into their craft and their incendiary live performances. They are fabulous!

SATURDAY — SARA BAREILLES

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Maverik Center, 3200 Decker Lake Dr., WVC, 8 p.m.

Tickets $39.95-95, smithstix.com

WEDNESDAY — SHOVELS & ROPE

The Commonwealth Room, 195 W. 2100 South, 7 p.m.

Tickets $75 and up, vividseats.com

DANCE

REPERTORY DANCE THEATRE presents Inside Outside by renowned classic and contemporary dance-makers Doris Humphrey, Lar Lubovitch, Andy Noble, Noa Zuk, and Ohad Fishof who present highly technical choreography, and quirky invention laced

ISSUE 304 | SEPTEMBER 19, 2019

with rhythmic humor and deeply humanistic voices.

This show will turn you inside outside, so don’t wear anything too fancy, just sayin’!

THURSDAY — INSIDE OUTSIDE

3

Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 7:30 p.m., through Saturday Tickets $30, artsaltlake.org

DRAG SHOWS

THE ROYAL COURT OF THE GOLDEN SPIKE EMPIRE presents The Fire and Ice Ball, a drag benefit show. This one-night only performance includes a cocktail hour and hors d’oeuvres prior to the show. There will also be a cash bar and live auctions throughout the night. So join the new reign of Utah’s best drag entertainers. As Utah’s oldest LGBTQ+ nonprofit organization they have been raising money and awareness for the community for 44 years. This production benefits the RCGSE Cancer Fund.

SUNDAY — THE FIRE & ICE BALL

13

Black Box Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 6 p.m. Tickets $20, artsaltlake.org

FALL FUNDRAISERS

Check out the grand opening of PUNCH BOWL SOCIAL SALT LAKE CITY, presented by Night Out. Join your fellow do-gooding, fun-hunting friends by purchasing your ticket to this exclusive event. 100% of the proceeds will go to Encircle LGBTQ+ Family and Youth Resource Center. Ticket purchase includes great food, next level gaming, live art installation and a special drink menu available for purchase.

Support Red Butte Garden at their annual FALL BULB AND NATIVE PLANT SALE fundraiser the last weekend of September. You will find spring flowering bulbs (such as Daffodils, Fritillaria, and Flowering Onions, as well as a diversity of early blooming miniature bulbs), organic garlic bulbs, native and water-wise plants, ornamental grasses, flowering perennials, and more. There will also be a wide selection of flowering perennials, including selections for both sunny and shady locations, and a variety of own-root roses.

SATURDAY — PUNCH BOWL SOCIAL The Gateway, 6 N. Rio Grande St., upstairs, 7-10 p.m., 21+ only. Tickets $20, nightout.com FRIDAY — FALL BULB & NATIVE PLANT SALE

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Red Butte Garden, 300 Wakara Way, UofU, times vary through Saturday. Admission varies, redbuttegarden.org

SPECIAL ENGAGEMENTS

The State Room presents multi-talented singer, actor, director, choreographer, and YouTube personality, TODRICK HALL who rose to prominence on American Idol. His popular YouTube channel has over 510 million channel views notable for original songs, choreographed flash mobs for Beyoncé, musical collaborations, and appearing on RuPaul’s Drag Race.

TUESDAY — TODRICK HALL Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Ctr, 138 W. 300 South, 7:30 p.m. Tickets $25-45, artsaltlake.org

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screen queen Can’t Stop the Music Three Men and a Baby actor Steve Guttenberg is on roller skates, and that’s just the beginning of Can’t Stop the Music, the quasi-autobiographical film about the Village People. The 1980 film is a gay wonderland from another time, another place, another gay galaxy: when guys used to rock crop tops (oh wait…); when full-frontal male nudity could apparently be seen in a PG-rated film (for some swinging softies, watch those guys in the locker room during the extravagantly gay “YMCA” number); when Caitlyn Jenner, playing a Daisy Dukes-clad lawyer named Ron White, was an actor. It’s the movie Olivia Newton-John turned down. The one Cher passed on too. They were wise to do so, of course; it certainly wouldn’t have done their careers any favors.

(Instead, Valerie Perrine was cast in the role of the famous supermodel with a full Rolodex; to Guttenberg’s Jack Morell, an aspiring singer-songwriter, she says things like “Mama has connections.”) It’s a bad movie that became a cult film because it’s a joke, but you wish that everyone involved in this crazy disco musical knew that it was too. Except its schlock isn’t

quite schlocky enough; its kitsch isn’t quite kitschy enough. But I’ll tell you this much: You don’t watch it for the drawnout dialogue scenes. You watch Shout!

Factory’s Blu-ray remaster of Can’t Stop the Music for its commitment in trying to be the gayest thing ever committed to celluloid, producing musical numbers that entail a Folsom daddy singing “Oh Danny Boy” on a piano and, during what you might call a very avant-garde interpretation of “YMCA,” men in thongs, in wrestling singlets, in jocks, in nothing.

Plus, massages and ping-pong! The gym of your dreams! Among the new extras are an audio commentary with comedy writer Bruce Vilanch and Jeffrey Schwarz, who produced and directed The Fabulous Allan Carr, a documentary about the producer-writer of Can’t Stop the Music. The Village People’s Randy Jones sits down for a separate interview.

Hedwig and the Angry Inch Nearly 20 years after its initial theatrical release in 2001, Hedwig and the Angry Inch looks ageless thanks to Criterion’s vibrant restoration of John Cameron Mitchell’s queer takedown of cultural

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homogenization. Mitchell wrote, directed and starred in the cult musical dramedy, portraying the lead, Hedwig Robinson, a punk-rocker and a self-proclaimed “girlyboy” who undergoes a forced sex-change, leaving him to grapple with his identity.

A personal statement for its genderqueer protagonist (Cameron recently said the character is not transgender given his involuntary surgical procedure), Hedwig and the Angry Inch is timeless even beyond its flawless 4K revamp — the enduring cult film’s themes of self-discovery and self-invention still resonant today, in part explaining its recent success on Broadway. Composer-lyricist Stephen Trask breaks down the details of producing the soundtrack, one of several new supplements made special for this expansive, beautifully assembled Blu-ray package. Additionally, cast and crew sit down for a reunion discussion about the making of the film, and over 50 pages of illustrations, Hedwig portraits, an essay and more are featured in the book insert.

Holdovers from its DVD release include a 2003 documentary about the film’s development. Q Chris Azzopardi can be reached at chris@pridesource.com.

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ISSUE 304 | SEPTEMBER 19, 2019

Bianca Del Rio floats too, b*tches

BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI

The ‘Clown

in a Gown’ talks deathdrop disdain, bachelorettes in gay clubs and why she’s done with ‘Drag Race’ Bianca Del Rio is in Stockholm on her It’s Jester Joke comedy tour, still subject to the fraught human realities of traveling despite her top-tier queen status. And packing — don’t remind her. “As a drag queen, you travel with so much shit,” says Del Rio (aka Roy Haylock).

Famous for her tart candor, the Louisiana-born stand-up comedian’s success is a result of saying what she thinks and not caring what you think.

And you, of course, already know this if you witnessed the self-proclaimed “Clown in a Gown” reign over the other crown-pining contestants during season six of RuPaul’s Drag Race in 2014.

Five years later, Del Rio, who has written a book, Blame It on Bianca Del Rio, and starred in her own film, Hurricane Bianca, is still coming out on top. In June, New York magazine named Del Rio one of the top 100 “Most Powerful Drag Queens in America.” Just before bringing her worldwide comedy tour stateside, Del Rio called to defend bachelorettes who celebrate at gay clubs, predict an inevitable Lizzo backlash and roast Drag Race queens who use emotional manipulation to get ahead in the competition.

What is the one thing you absolutely cannot leave home without? I’m a drag queen — there are so many elements. I definitely need makeup. But a razor, I would assume. The problem is, with drag you have to travel with so much stuff. You have to bring size 12 shoes, extra eyelashes; you can’t really

find that stuff just anywhere. Definitely not in Stockholm. So I have to pack a lot of stuff. A lot more than I usually would like to admit.

How many suitcases do you travel with?

Four suitcases. Three of those are drag, one of them is what I call my “boy bag.”

It’s just to have options. The airport struggle — the security, the baggage, all that shit — really does start to wear on you.

And imagine if you went through airport security as — well, maybe you do go through as Bianca. I’ve never had to fly in drag — thankfully!

As a self-proclaimed expert on nothing who has an opinion on everything, I need your take on John Travolta nearly giving Taylor Swift impersonator Jade Jolie a VMA because he mistook her for the actual Taylor Swift. (Laughs) I mean, it’s hysterical.

Obviously he’s got delusion problems. He’s not dealing with a full deck right now. He also is a Scientologist, which goes to show it. And he had that Adele Nazeem moment.

Either he’s a drunk or he takes a pill or he just doesn’t fucking care. I was just glad to see he was not wearing a wig. There’s a rarity! So, you know, he’s embracing his non-wig self. Next he’ll admit that he’s gay.

That he confused them — was it a compliment to Taylor or to Jade? To Jade, because she’s a Taylor Swift impersonator.

I think it’s great. I think it’s an honest mistake, because to be fair I can’t tell any white girls apart.

As Bianca, do you ever confuse people? I do meet-and-greets, and when you have meet-and-greets, people are always like, “Oh, I just saw you in Stockholm!” or “I saw you in London!” and I have to really think. You do 150 people a night as part of the meet-and-greets, so it’s very hard to remember. There’s usually some characteristic that gets me there, but on occasion I’ve been like, “Have we met before?!” And they’ll say, “No.” I’m like, “Oh… OK. Thought we did.” So it can fuck with you, with that many people a night. But I really haven’t mistaken anybody for anybody of importance, no.

If John Travolta met you, who knows who you might be mistaken for. Who cares! I’m not interested! He’s not high on my list.

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Who is high on your list? I think every gay man would say Dolly Parton. She’s that rare one that is almost like some mythical creature. She’s just one of those who I love not only because she’s Dolly Parton and I’ve grown up with her, but also she’s just so fucking funny.

Some people might describe you as a “mythical creature” too. Emphasis on the word “creature,” yes. But mythical? No. (Laughs) This is very controversial in gay bars, so I wonder if this translates to your shows.

But do you let bachelorette parties come to Bianca shows? Oh, I don’t care. Whoever buys a fucking ticket, I don’t give a shit.

Gurl, listen: I think people have lost their minds. The gays don’t even wanna be in the gay bars anymore! They’re all on a fucking app anyway. Nobody is even paying attention. And look, at least somebody’s in the bar. Somebody has to buy a drink to keep gay bars open. You can’t rely on gay men to do that. So look, let the girls come in, let them have a good time. Not like I’ve never told a bitch to shut up. You can do that, but you can’t be offended. Who cares! As long as they’re there having fun, fuck it.

Isn’t the point of coming to a Bianca Del Rio show to be offended? First of all, it’s important to laugh at ourselves. I laugh at myself, and I laugh at everything that I could possibly laugh at. But I think we’ve lost that because there’s so much with social media warriors constantly saying, “You can’t say this” and “I’m offended.”

Well, then, fuck off! If you’re offended by me, then don’t come and see me. It’s very simple. I don’t like Kim Kardashian, but I don’t spend my life watching her on fucking TV or writing all over her Facebook or Instagram or Twitter saying, “I hate you, you’re a piece of shit.” I just don’t care. You can live a successful life with someone not liking you.

Q&A | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 31

Everything from Angels to Zen

Have you always been the kind of person who says what some people really want to say but are too scared to say? Has that always been your style? Always. Yeah, yeah.

As a kid? Yeah, as a child everything was always funny to me, and I would always try to find humor in all of it. It’s just what you have to do. It was just my survival skills. Imagine being different, being artsy, being gay. All that definitely can either turn on you or you can find a

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32 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | Q&A

way through it, and that was just my way through it, which is being blunt and upfront. And the people who got it — usually the smart ones — understood it.

When did you know you could get away with more if you put on a costume? When I got paid. I always said it, but it wasn’t until the packaging came with it. And it’s not so much that I can get away with more — it’s just what’s easier for people to accept. For instance, with drag in particular, the average person would think, “I have nothing of interest with a drag queen.” But when they see it, they’re kind of fascinated by it. So, for me, it was just this evolution into it. I mean, I could totally live my life without being in drag and I probably will. I’m not doing this forever.

What do you think your post-drag life will look like? That’s the stupidest question!

I have no idea! I know I don’t want to be schlepping around the world in a wig and heels at 60, I can tell you that. It’s one of those things where I’m like, look, it’s been 24 years so far, I’m all right, but I know it’s not forever. And I have no idea. I didn’t plan this far. So I don’t know what the fuck I’ll be doing. But it’ll be something fun, that’s for sure.

You once said it’s important to know your limits. What new limits have you set for yourself at 44? I said I didn’t want to do drag at 40 because at the time I think I was 37 and it was right before Drag Race, and so I was working a regular job in New York City during the day making costumes for Broadway and then at night working in a club. So at that point, 18 years of working in the clubs and trying to stay afloat — and the bars were fading, not many people were coming out like they used to, so New York nightlife completely changed and I thought I could wrap this up at 40 and be OK. I’d had a great 20 years and that would’ve been that. But then at 38 — well, 37 is when I filmed Drag Race — it shifted everything, it elevated everything, and I was ready for the challenge. But I don’t think I want to stay in that particular game. I mean, no one should. No one should stay in something just because you’ve been doing something. You have to trust your instincts and move on. I definitely know this is not something I want to do forever on this level. It’s demanding — and by no means am I bitching about it. I’m being realistic here. Options! (Laughs)

Qsaltlake.com |

After your controversial remark during Montreal Pride about Drag Race season 10 contestant Blair St. Clair in 2018, did that have you reconsidering how far to push the envelope? First and foremost, I have a problem with when you’re watching a drag show and everybody has an ailment or an issue or loves to tug at your heartstrings to try to get people to like you.

That’s what I was discussing.

[During her set, Del Rio said, “You got the one going ‘Ugh, I’m fat.’ Then you got the other one going ‘Ugh, I’m a black queen,’” referencing season 10 contestants Eureka O’Hara and The Vixen. She then mentioned Blair St. Clair opening up about being sexually assaulted: “Then you got that other bitch, ‘I was raped!’ No, fuck you…”]

I was discussing someone being left at a bus stop, somebody being sick.

All of that is part of the nonsense of being part of a reality show. And I’m entitled to an opinion when someone’s about to lip sync for their life and they start pulling out all this fuckery. There’s a time and place to discuss serious topics. So my joke was about people that find any way to bring up their heartache and pull on heartstrings, that’s what I was discussing.

And so no, I refuse to change anything that I say and do because, like I said, the people who like it, like it, the people who don’t, don’t. But as they can have an opinion about me, I can have an opinion about the ridiculousness of a drag show. It’s my take on it. And I’m living proof that you can get through the show without fucking crying in every episode, for cripes’ sake!

I laugh at the fuckery. I laugh at the stunts and gimmicks. It’s no worse than somebody doing a death-drop. It’s been done! Just fucking be entertaining! I’m so sick of all these sob stories! That’s what that’s about.

I’m guessing that even though you were named one of America’s most powerful drag queens, it’s not true that with great power comes great responsibility. I think that’s absolutely ridiculous. There’s a list that says I’m No. 1; there’s another list that says I’m the worst drag queen. That’s just how it works! None of that means anything.

And what’s this responsibility? I’m a fucking man in a wig making a living. I’m not a fucking superhero. And don’t put me on a pedestal because I shouldn’t be on a pedestal, because they love to put you on a pedestal and then tear you the fuck down.

ISSUE 304 | SEPTEMBER 19, 2019

You cannot fool me. They love to say you’re amazing. Like, look, this girl Lizzo is the one everybody loves right now. Just give her a year and there’s gonna be something someone is gonna bitch about and pull out and say “she did this” and say “she did that” and CANCEL her. That’s how they are. That’s just the world. So look: I’m not looking for that type of acceptance. And you shouldn’t be putting faith in fucking people that are on reality shows, for cripes’ sake. That’s ridiculous. People that idolize me or Snooki have problems.

Referring to the way the queens are depicted on Drag Race versus their actual persona, you said recently, “I’ve been behind the curtain. And when you’re behind the curtain, it’s kind of weird to watch.” Do people get a better understanding of who you are from your shows than they did from Drag Race? Yes and no. The thing is you can only be yourself when you’re on television, and of course if you say something they’re going to use it. So the people that say, “Oh, it’s the editing”? Well, if you didn’t say it, they wouldn’t have the footage. I’ve accepted responsibility for everything I said and everything I did, and sadly a lot of people don’t do that when they leave the show. They have to blame someone, and it won’t be themselves.

If you could have been on a different season of Drag Race, which season of girls would you have wanted to compete against? I don’t care. I don’t have an opinion.

(Laughs) I can’t even remember who was on what season when! It’s that much of a blur. It was six years ago, and I never watched the show when it was airing.

I would watch marathons, but I would never watch it weekly, night after night after night. I never followed. The only seasons I’m familiar with are four and five; the rest of them have become a blur.

And, I mean, a lot of them are my friends, but I can’t remember which season they were on. I’m also a firm believer that it happened, it was great, I had a great experience and a great moment, but I wouldn’t change any of it.

So if an “All Stars: Winners” season ever happens, would you be interested in competing? Nope. Why? Would you go back to high school? Q As editor of Q Syndicate, Chris Azzopardi has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Cher, Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. His work has also appeared in The New York Times, Vanity Fair, GQ and Billboard. Reach him via Twitter @chrisazzopardi.

SEPTEMBER 19, 2019 |

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34 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | HEALTH

Qsaltlake.com |

ISSUE 304 | SEPTEMBER 19, 2019

positive thoughts Most HIV advocates have heard of U=U, but how do we get the rest of the world to listen?

BY DESIREE GUERRERO

For about the past decade, activists and advocates have been working hard to educate the world on a very important scientific fact about living with HIV: that undetectable equals untransmittable. U=U is a now globally accepted scientific consensus that simply means when a person living with HIV reaches an undetectable viral load (also sometimes called virally suppressed) for six months or longer, they are virtually unable to transmit the virus to a sexual partner — even without the use of condoms.

Not only is this vital, life-changing information for those living with HIV, but certainly could be the key to ending HIV once and for all. Just think about it. If everyone on the planet currently living with HIV had access to today’s highly effective antiretroviral drugs that can quickly get you to undetectable — and were aware that being undetectable means they cannot pass along the virus — would HIV continue to spread as it does?

Bruce Richman, executive director of the Prevention Access Campaign, says of course not. Richman has fought relentlessly for nearly a decade now to share this groundbreaking, stigma-shattering evidence. He founded the U=U consensus campaign after discovering the little-known science after fearing he’d

q scopes OCTOBER

BY SAM KELLEY-MILLS

ARIES March 20–April 19

Add some spice to romantic activities. The funk you’ve been feeling is due to a lack of physical stimulation. Put your inner prude on hold and get involved with special individuals. A little twitch of devious thought is bound to inspire much needed action.

Even if the thoughts aren’t there, the feelings will carry through.

TAURUS Apr 20–May 20

The struggles of living with a burden will leave you breathless. Keep smiling, even if the desire to do so is lacking. Someone close is playing games. Recognize the signs and opt out. The only way to avoid losing in a game is to not play at all. Focus on challenging yourself to succeed instead. A lesson can be the best prize of all.

GEMINI May 21–June 20

Self-imposed restrictions are good during a time of chaos.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to try everything, but sample good experi-

exposed a partner to HIV around 2010. “I learned from my doctor that because I was undetectable, I couldn’t transmit HIV,” he told Plus magazine last year. “I couldn’t pass it on. I was elated!”

His excitement soon turned to outrage when he realized “every HIV treatment site, media outlet, HIV/AIDS service organization, federal and state health department — just about everywhere — was saying that I was still a risk. And millions of people with HIV were still a risk.”

“To clear up the confusion,” Richman added, “a group of us living with HIV collaborated with researchers on a [U=U] consensus statement and advocacy campaign.”

The simple, catchy and game-changing U=U campaign launched in July 2016. Within record time, the campaign has become a global movement lead by people living with HIV. Today, 500 organizations from 65 countries have signed the U=U Consensus Statement, which has been translated into 15 different languages and is endorsed by the principal investigators of the leading studies that proved the statement true.

The biggest breakthroughs for U=U came when the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention confirmed that the consensus was “backed by science.”

Dr. Carrie Foote agrees and adds that U=U

ences instead of consuming too much.

Your social life will get a boost from hosting a party with an open guest list.

Being the star is the best way to be now, so shine. This is your time!

CANCER June 21–July 22

The frequent temptation for outbursts will become a theme. The last trait you want to be defined with is anger, but that’s bound to happen in a large circle of friends.

Squash rumors by being kind. You don’t have to be a saint, but may find satisfaction in a friendly fetish for purity.

Try playing an angel with a devil inside.

LEO July 23–August 22

The desire to drive a point home will overshadow courtesy. As a result, a friend or partner could be deeply offended. Be careful and use tact to avoid confrontation. A long desired dream could come true, but be careful what is wished for.

There is no such thing as gain without sacrifice, especially regarding matters of the heart.

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22

It’s no secret that respect must be earned with you. A friend might surprise you by declaring how little it is required. The world is going to beat you down this month, but not all pain will be unpleasant. In fact,

is also a human rights issue, as she recently stated at the Conference on Retroviruses and Opportunistic Infections in Seattle earlier this year: “All people living with HIV have a right to accurate information about their social, sexual and reproductive health.”

Foote has been living with HIV since 1988, is a founding member of the U=U campaign and is an Associate Professor of Sociology in the School of Liberal Arts at Indiana University-Purdue.

“Stigma is killing us,” she added. “HIV stigma is a public health emergency and U=U is an immediate and effective response to begin to dismantle stigma.”

Dr. Foote said that U=U is an incredibly significant finding, but this “amazing science” is not as well-known as it should be. Millions of people living with HIV are still unaware of the facts and implications of U=U and what it means for their lives. She says much of the responsibility lies on the medical community, which needs to keep patients informed about U=U as well as update their HIV-related brochures, fact sheets and treatment guides to reflect this.

At CROI, Foote also shared some quotes from HIV-positive people from around the world, illustrating the impact of U=U. In the words of Mark from Baltimore: “When I finally internalized this message… something suddenly lifted off of me that is hard to describe. It was almost as if someone wiped me clean.” Q

implementing saucy times in a relationship proves useful. Showing respect will be key in heated situations.

LIBRA Sept 23–October 22

Show a loved one the true meaning behind an obsession.

Whether your thoughts are stuck on an individual or an activity, there’s no denying that priorities have changed.

Merging the old with the new will not be as easy as previously thought, so be willing to let go of some extra burdens. Stay focused and follow your gut on this.

SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21

Develop a bond with a close friend or lover. You’ll need their support if there’s any chance of getting past a bad patch. Reminders that life can be fun will emerge. The workplace has been unforgiving, so take time off if possible. It is a time to rest and renew, so do some mental housecleaning.

Eliminate drama in your circles.

SAGITTARIUS

Nov. 22–December 20.

A logical explanation to an emotional problem will leave you unsatisfied. Embrace pleasure instead, and put aside what makes sense for a while.

Friendships will flourish and finances will fall into place. Take note of a key witness to a pivotal moment in recent

events. This person may care, but could also cause trouble.

CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19

The long road is not the one that stretches the farthest, but the one most dangerous to cross. An accident is inevitable if you don’t time your moves right. A setback could be devastating, and a loss of something important is not worth a rash move. Have faith that the right time will come to take action.

Meanwhile, enjoy the break.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18

The flaming rage caused by a coworker is becoming a major problem. Instead of getting mad, enjoy some poetic justice. Give a lesson in a form of the irony you demonstrate best. Actions that would usually create division will create a strange sense of unity. A new life role emerges, making you both divider and provider.

PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19

In the river of life, many boats sail your way. A random meeting with a potential friend could pass if you don’t pay attention.

A longing for stability is a goal in constant flux. Find the anchor in the arms of someone nice and enjoy romance.

There’s nothing better than riding the waves of change with company. Q

SEPTEMBER 19, 2019 |

ISSUE 304 | Qsaltlake.com

BOOKS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 35

the bookworm sez REVIEW BY TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER

GOING DUTCH

BY JAMES GREGOR, C. 2019, SIMON & SCHUSTER, $26.99 /352 PAGES

This one or that one?

Pick A or B, your choice.

Have one or the other, either-or, you have to decide because you can’t have everything. And don’t reach for it quick or, as in the new novel Going Dutch by James Gregor, someone’s going to get hurt.

Richard Turner hated online dating. Tinder, Grindr, OKCupid, they were all filled with the same kinds of interests and in-searchof’s from the same hot guys.

Blah-blah-blah.

As for Richard, he wanted love.

He wanted happily-ever-after with a man of his dreams. He also wanted to finish his grad-school paper, but not too quickly: his entire life was made possible by fellowship money that kept him financially afloat. Without it, he’d actually have to get a job so, in the meantime, he had single dates with single men, and he met with his academic advisor to discuss the work he wasn’t doing.

At least there was movement on that first part: he’d met Blake, who was incredible, but who didn’t seem so into Richard.

Onto the next swipe.

And on that second part, well, Richard’s advisor advised him to talk to Anne, a classmate who was also a rising star in academia.

Richard knew Anne, but only in passing and she seemed nice enough, if not a little weird. As it turned out, she really knew how to write, though — so much so, that she basically wrote Richard’s paper for him. She was

smart, well-traveled, and she also knew how to make Richard feel wanted. It didn’t take long them to sleep together.

That was weird, too, because Richard was gay. But he liked Anne, he liked spending time with her, and he appreciated her generosity. She seemed to genuinely care about him. He started thinking about moving in with her.

And then he met Blake again at a party.

Blake. Single, hot, and wanting Richard now…

Going Dutch is a tight novel — tight, as if it’s been sucking lemons all day.

It’s hard to imagine any two more unlikeable characters than Richard and Anne, as they have endless, banal conversations about their respective classwork and other mundane things. One could argue that this inanity is perhaps the point of the story, but it goes on for too, too long.

When you’re in the midst of it, in fact, you’ll understand completely why author James Gregor’s two characters can’t find true love.

Enter Blake, who is a great distraction but who’s not very fleshed-out on the page. Even so, he’s a nice burr under the story’s saddle, adding a bit of desperately-needed interest to what ends up something like wet firecrackers: a little spark and a sputter, doused by overly-wordy narrative. And so this tale progresses to a squirmy-uncomfortable big culmination scene that, alas, even Blake’s presence can’t fix.

This book, filled with small talk and small actions, may appeal to habitual people-watchers but just remember that Going Dutch is sleepy. If you want a novel with any serious action in it, in other words, skip this one. Q

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36 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | SEX

Qsaltlake.com |

ISSUE 304 | SEPTEMBER 19, 2019

sex and salt lake city

Curveballs

BY DR. LAURIE BENNETT-COOK

I’m getting

ready for bed and missing my dog. My dog is the sweetest little guy ever. He’s Havanese, which looks like a cross between a Shitzu and Maltese, but without the mushed up face. I got him a couple of years ago, unexpectedly. I didn’t really want a dog as I knew my lifestyle just wouldn’t be conducive to the needs of a puppy. But the foster girl we were caring for at the time was begging for a puppy all her own. We had gone to court and the judge determined she’d be with us indefinitely and soon up for adoption. Elated, to celebrate we went and picked out the perfect family puppy – we picked out Cody the Dog. We all fell instantly in love with him. With the exception of pooping and peeing in the house, nipping at everyone with his sharp baby teeth or chewing up every shoe or cord in reach, he was perfect!

As fate would have it, our foster daughter was unexpectedly moved from our home to

a distant family member who came forth to claim her once they learned she was going to be placed for adoption. So, she left and the dog stayed.

Still needing to divide my time between LA and SLC to help care for family, Cody the Dog adjusted quickly to being my travel companion.

My drives back and forth would take an entire day and I’d make the trip one direction or another each week.

Faithfully he’d ride alongside me in the passenger seat. We rarely packed dog food on the road because traveling means road trip snacks and for him that equals puppy patties at various burger joints along the way.

I’d talk with him. We’d listen to audio books together and he’d lay his head on my lap while I’d sing to the radio until I lost my voice. I honestly believe he enjoyed road trips. He’d be so excited before leaving and the instant he got in the car he’d lay in his seat and just chill the entire duration.

As time went by, and as

First Wednesdays at 7pm at the Utah Pride Center 1380 S Main St Info at bit.ly/UGHS_Lecture Read ‘This Day in Gay Utah History’ at benwilliamsblogger.blogspot.com

family needs dictated, Cody and I began spending more and more time in SLC. But, as life has a way of doing things, my work began taking me all over the western states and Cody couldn’t come along. So, he bonded quickly with one of my brothers and his partner who would care for him when I traveled, and time at their home was like his own little vacation.

It was an adjustment, traveling for work, needing to be in LA, caring for family in SLC, but all the while we somehow created a pretty decent routine. There was a consistent comfort and stability knowing that whenever I was home in SLC, Cody would be my company and cozy up with me in bed at night.

A month ago it changed.

Actually, I probably could have seen it coming when I first brought Cody home. Shortly before Cody came into our lives, my youngest brother sustained a traumatic brain injury followed by a stroke. His accident was a tragedy for our whole family. His accident is what led me to divide my time between LA and SLC. Becoming his conservator brought a level of fiscal, emotional and moral responsibility to he and his young daughter.

It’s been an emotional challenge to watch my brother heal. Very little motivates him as so much of daily life is a struggle. Several months ago it was determined that he was well enough to live in his own apartment again – but he would never leave the safety of his apartment walls… for anything. He’d literally stay in his apartment for days and days on end. Until one day when my usual puppy sitting brother and his partner were on vacation during the same time I

was called to LA for work.

That day, my mom offered to watch Cody. She took Cody over to visit my housebound brother who lit up to a degree that none of us had witnessed since his accident. That day, for the first time since his accident two years prior, he left his apartment of his own initiative and took Cody for a walk. That day, was the last day, Cody was home with me. That day I cried selfish

tears for knowing my dog was needed elsewhere. That day I cried grateful tears for how my beautiful, perfect dog was healing my brother like no one else could.

No, this article has nothing to do with sex. It’s just cathartic on my part I guess.

Life shows us miracles and love in so many places, some are harder to see than others.

Some come in the form of a perfect little dog. Q Dr. Laurie Bennett-Cook, She/Her/Hers, is a Clinical Sexologist, Board Advisor of Sex Positive World, Director - Sex Positive Utah and is at about.me/kinkucation, JustLBC@yahoo.com, and Dr.LaurieBennettCook@gmail.com

SEPTEMBER 19, 2019 |

FOOD & DRINK | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 37

ISSUE 304 | Qsaltlake.com

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38 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS

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ISSUE 304 | SEPTEMBER 19, 2019

SEPTEMBER 19, 2019 |

PUZZLES | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 39

ISSUE 304 | Qsaltlake.com

Rainbow Connection ACROSS

Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku is actually five separate, but connected, Sudoku puzzles.

Q doku

Level: Easy

73 6 1 2

4

3

4 2 19 29 3 5 67 34 6 2 8 3

4

5

7

6 2

8

41 5 6

6

4

4

3

1

5

3 2 9 6 97 42 1 3 8 736 9 9 4 6 547 2 8 7 51 4 9 1 25 7

5

9

72

6 7

3

58 9 715 9 241 8 6 49 8 1

5 61 435 1 3 2 9 63 7 51 4 8 2 1 45 6 7 9 32 51 2 8 5 81 4 9 6 9 2

2 1 4 9 6

7

9

6 8 7

64

1 Top-drawer 5 Drag queen’s shoe 9 “Yeah, sure” in Las Vegas 13 Leia’s brother 14 On ___ with (equal to) 15 “You’re the Top” songwriter Porter 16 Opposed to, to Gomer 17 Roman historian 18 Round-buyer’s words 19 Title for Trump in a Randy Rainbow satire 22 Way to watch Moonlight 23 U-turn from SSE 24 ‘50s idol Hunter 27 Bunkmates on base 29 Seduce 31 B&O stop 34 Drink served with fruitcake 36 Goofed up 37 Title for Trump in a Randy Rainbow satire 40 De ___ (actual) 41 Michelangelo’s threesome 42 Palm Pilot, e.g.

43 Stuff in the closet

45 Vegas opening 47 A woman named Arthur 48 Mr. Williams, as Doubtfire 50 Dick 55 ___ Stupid Czar (title of a Randy Rainbow satire of Superstar) 58 What computers spit out 60 Nightclub in a Manilow song 61 “Arizona” Memorial site 62 Club for Sheehan 63 Mistake for Fosse 64 Pansy supporter 65 Title document 66 Nemesis of Tinkerbell 67 Lawman Wyatt

11 Spreading tree 12 Ball holder 20 Witch, to Shakespeare 21 Team bigwig 25 Train that comes quickly 26 ___ death (loss of interest) 28 Needing Cialis?

30 Cop flirting in a tearoom 31 Imitate Brian Orser 32 Hollywood Squares basis 33 Person in opposition 35 Angelina Jolie’s ___ Interrupted 38 Bossa Nova “blamer” Eydie 39 Albee Pulitzer Prize work 40 British sitcom Ab ___ DOWN 1 Dishes, to Debussy 44 Becomes hard 46 Gag order?

2 “You ___ to know 49 Seattle’s WNBA better!” team 3 Biathlete, for one 4 From this place, to 51 End of a Stein quote 52 Sporty Mazda King James 53 “My Boo” singer 5 Golden stallion 6 “Breaking ___ Hard 54 Result of excessive circumcision? to Do” 56 Alternate date?

7 Master 8 Hester of the A-list? 57 Photographer Catherine 9 Click it to go to 58 Had sex with, in PlanetOut 10 Like a fading erecslang tion?

59 “We ___ Family”

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DINING GUIDE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 43

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Qsaltlake.com |

ISSUE 304 | SEPTEMBER 19, 2019

the frivolist 8 proactive ways couples can face down their debt demons together

BY MIKEY ROX

Relationships are hard enough as it is, but throw money into the mix and it becomes a recipe for certain disaster. It doesn’t have to go down like that though. Your relationship can survive a financial crisis — yes, even a menacing mound of debt — if you can both get on the same page and work together to solve the problem.

Avoid the Blame Game Remember, it takes two to tango, and in most cases you didn’t get into debt all alone.

Before tempers flare and you both say and do things you regret, take a breather, regroup, and recognize that your current situation isn’t the fault of one person. Even if a recent debt is the sole work of your partner — say, from a gambling addiction — getting angry and blowing your top won’t help. Go through your emotions responsibly and concentrate on nipping the immediate issue in the bud — counseling may be necessary for this — before coming up with a plan of attack to get back in the black.

Pay Off Your Worst First Once you have a handle on your debt and resolve yourself to proactively eliminate it, go hard. Debt won’t dwindle away if you’re passive about it.

Attack the problem head on to keep it contained.

“Pay off your worst first,” says Steve Anzuoni, financial expert at Fairway Financial.

“Sit with each other and gather your statements and pay down the higher-interest cards first.”

Financial expert Harrine Freeman suggests a similar approach.

“Set up payments plan with creditors,” she says. “Pay off old accounts first, then focus on paying down current debt.

Keep credit card balances at 20 percent or less of the credit limit.”

Steer Clear of Financially Stressful Situations in the Future Hindsight is 20/20 as they say, and this adage should absolutely apply to your finances.

If you’ve gotten yourself in a hole, start digging yourself out and don’t look back. Also be wary of new situations that can affect the hard work you’ve done to get back on track. Your relationship can only handle so much stress, and it’s not fair to either of you to go into situations — even ones that seem like good moves financially — that will put the whole arrangement in jeopardy.

“I coach couples that financial stress can bring out or aggravate problems in a marriage that would not have otherwise have arisen,” says Elliott Katz, author of Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants: Timeless Wisdom on Being a Man. “They should avoid getting into financially stressful situations even if it will be profitable in the long term but will cause stress to them in the short term.”

Reduce Your Spending — Stat!

It may seem like an obvious tip to cut back your spending considerably when you’re in debt, but you’d be surprised at how many people keep swiping those cards even when there’s a problem. Freeman suggests reducing the overall household spending by 30 percent to increase your monthly cash flow to pay off debt. It’ll be a sacrifice for a while, but desperate times call for desperate measures if you want that debt burden off your back.

Accept That You’re Not the Joneses, and That’s OK A lot of the time, couples go into debt trying to keep up with friends, family and neighbors — perhaps even more so for queer couples. You may be able to keep up for a while, but if you’re spending money on things you can’t afford just to look like you can, it’ll come back to bite you eventually. Try to be happy with what you have or else work harder to improve your financial situation (picking up side gigs, furthering your education, asking for a promotion at work, getting a better-paying job, etc.) so that you can actually afford the things you want to buy as status symbols.

Or, ya know, finally convince yourself that money doesn’t buy happiness.

Set Up Payment Alerts to Stay on Track If you have trouble remembering to pay bills, use technology to help you. Set reminders when bills are due and to be notified when account balances are low. Also set up overdraft protection if you’re

prone to overdrawing your account so you can at least cut back the fees you’re charged.

Make It Clear Who Handles What Financial Responsibilities and When Nobody wants to accept the responsibility of handling the relationship’s finances — especially with all that can go wrong — but somebody has to do it. Make it clear which one of you that will be and create a budget and bill-paying schedule together so you can hold one another accountable and stay on track.

“Discuss who will manage the finances, who pays what bill, what finances will be joint, where finances will be managed, when finances will be managed, how finances will be managed currently and in the future, and how expenses and bills will be paid,” Freeman advises.

Enlist the Help of a Financial Planner If You’re In Too Deep If you’re already in debt, the last thing you need is another expense. However, if the expense is to help you get out of the red, you get a pass.

Sometimes you need help, especially if you have zero idea what you’re doing with your money or how to manage it.

Just make sure you’re hiring a reputable financial planner.

You don’t need some hack all up in your bills charging you an arm and a leg for advice and planning that has no merit. Q Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He spends his time writing from the beach with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyrox.

SEPTEMBER 19, 2019 |

ISSUE 304 | Qsaltlake.com

DINING GUIDE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 45

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Qsaltlake.com |

ISSUE 304 | SEPTEMBER 19, 2019

the perils of petunia pap smear

A tale of the queen of the solar system

BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR

The road

to renewable energy is fraught with dan-

ger and excitement.

Mr. Pap Smear and I have recently been trying to do our little part to save the planet for our grandkids. We decided to have a solar electric system installed at Chateau Pap Smear. In reality, what actually happened is that I took a pause from answering the quizzes about which Hogwarts house I belong to, or what spirit animal I really am, to search for the test telling me which Disney Princess I am. However, I was distracted from my fanciful objective when I came across a test measuring my solar IQ. Having filled out so many similar quizzes, out of habit, I began filling in the blanks and before I knew it, voila, I was finished.

I had barely hit enter, when my phone rang. I answered it and on the other end was a young man with a most engaging voice. The kind of flirty voice with a soft southern drawl that can melt butter at 50 paces or send this old queen’s ancient decrepit heart fluttering so much so that I feel giddy and dizzy. I soon found it necessary to disconnect the lights in my breasticles and use the bare wires from the battery pack as a defibrillator to get the blood pumping back to my brain.

Before I knew what was happening, I had arranged for a site inspection for a possible installation.

Damn these companies, they know what they are doing. A week later, when

7pm, Sept. 20 First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E fb.me/matronsofmayhem

I opened the door for the inspector, I fell back in amazement at the sheer beauty of this guy. Tall, blond, piercing blue eyes, snugly fitting T-shirt, tight-fitting jeans.

He literally took my breath away. After I let him in, I was so flustered that I nearly slammed my breasticle in the door. Before you could say “Let me bedazzle your briefcase,” I found myself signing a contract for installation.

On installation day a crew of four buff gentlemen showed up at Chateau Pap Smear. They immediately got down to business as I, a curious homo-owner, watched their muscular bums climb the ladder onto the roof. Unfortunately for them, but lucky for me, it was a blisteringly hot day, so they took off their shirts. In my peripheral vision, I thought I caught a glimpse of several angels on my roof, but upon closer (discreetly, I’m sure they didn’t notice) inspection through my binoculars, I could see that the sweating men were glistening in the sunlight, as if they had halos. It gave me a reason to play like Blanche Devereaux and bring those sultry, sensual, sexy men some lemonade.

One of the guys was bobbing and weaving around an old TV antenna, which I have hated and wished were gone ever since we bought the house but I’m too afraid of heights to remove it myself. I, being a girl who always depends upon the kindness of strangers, mentioned that I wouldn’t mind if that antenna happened to fall off the house, since it was unused, and its only function was to act as lightning bait. Not 60 seconds later, bam, I had to duck and cover as the thing came hurtling to the ground, nearly piercing my beehive hair.

Lo and behold, not three hours later, they were finished, and Chateau Pap Smear was sporting a new array of solar panels. The supervisor, who sadly had put on his shirt, told me not to turn on the system until after the city inspector’s approval. Several days later, after the city inspection, I went to the control panel and turned on the switch. Disappointing-

ly, nothing visible or audible happened. I don’t know what exactly I was expecting, perhaps a spark or a jolt, at the very least a humming sound, but I was met with the sound of silence. Simon and Garfunkel would be sa-proud.

The salesperson assured me there would be no more electricity bills, and that the power company would purchase any surplus kilowatts that we might generate.

YAY! Oh, the money I was going to save. I could buy so much more glitter. Watch out world!

A month later, I received an electric bill for $130. Holy crap! That is not supposed to happen. I called the electric company and inquired as to why my bill did not reflect at the very least a significant decrease, if not a negative balance. They said the meter reading did not show that my solar system had produced any electricity at all.

In frustration, I called the solar company for guidance. They politely inquired if I had turned on the system. I told them I had turned on the switch. Then they asked if I had flipped on the breakers in the electrical panel. Breakers? What breakers?

I opened the panel and there, labeled with big red-as-my-lipstick labels, were two breakers that were switched off. Just then, upon seeing the blindingly bright neon red labels, I remembered the instillation foreman showing me these, and explaining that I needed to turn these on also in order to activate the system. Oops!

This story leaves us with several important questions: 1. Since I have my own solar system now, does that mean I need to change the name of Chateau Pap Smear to Chateau Kolob?

2. Am I now no longer Dowager Lady Pap Smear but Goddess Petunia?

3. Do I need to install a convenient defibrillator jack in my breasticles, or should I just start carrying jumper cables in my purse?

4. During summertime, should I install lemonade dispensers in my breasticles?

5. Is flipping two breakers all it takes to “turn me on”?

These and other eternal questions will be answered in future chapters of The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear. Q

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