QSaltLake Magazine - Issue 309 - March 2020

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Qsaltlake.com | ISSUE 309 | March, 2020

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ISSUE 309

news The top national and world news since last issue you should know

BY CRAIG OGAN

49ers coach, a first 49ers coach Katie Sowers made history at the Super Bowl in February. She was the first woman and the first LGBTQ person to take a sideline coaching job at the big game.

She played in the Women’s Football Alliance for the West Michigan Mayhem and the Kansas City Titans. In 2016 she got an internship with the Atlanta Falcons before moving to the 49ers in 2017 as a paid coach. She tried to coach at her alma mater and was refused because she was a lesbian. Yes, it was small, private, Christian-oriented Goshen College (as in “Land of …”) in Indiana.

A million marching drag queens in Missouri The Stonewall Inn Riots were 50 years ago, so maybe it’s time for another lesson of “Don’t mess with drag queens. A Missouri legislator is sponsoring a bill that could imprison librarians who host a drag queen story hour or allow youth to check out books on LGBTQ topics. So, drag queens in Missouri and surrounding areas are organizing a protest at the state capitol on March 7 with a Facebook event under the name “Queens, Kings & everything in between!” The group organizer writes, “You’re talking about people in big, poofy dresses telling stories in funny voices and trying to get kids interested in reading, which I think we should all want.”

Banks pull support for Fla. school voucher system over LGBT discrimination Private sector donors to Florida’s school voucher system are pulling their support because the state allows schools to discriminate against LGBT students. Most recently Wells Fargo and Fifth Third Banks will cease donating to the fund, joining other businesses. Fifth Third Bank has contributed $5.4 million to the fund and is seeking a “more inclusive regulation ending discrimination ranging from self-expression, GLSEN organizations, misgendering, athletic participation and locker room/both room facilities.”

One Million Moms dis hummus ad If you blinked you missed it, but the eagle eyes at the so-called One Million Moms spied the gay agenda in its full glory in a hummus ad during the Super Bowl. The ad for Sabra hummus stars RuPaul’s Drag Race alums Miz Cracker and Kim Chi, who flashed on-screen for about three seconds. One Million Moms, part of the American Family Association, wrote, “Sabra Dipping Company is choosing to push an agenda of sexual confusion instead of promoting its actual product.” They called for people to boycott the 2020 Super Bowl broadcast. 102 million U.S. viewers did not participate in the boycott, though maybe one did.

Millennials HIV Ignorance Hard to believe, but a current survey reports 25 percent of HIV-negative millennials ages 23 to 36 report that they avoid hugging, talking, or being friends with someone who is HIV-positive. The study shows widespread ignorance exhibited by both HIV-negative millennials and Gen Xers (18to 22-year-olds): 30 percent said they prefer not to interact socially with someone with HIV.

One in three surveyed Black and Latinx people reported avoiding even shaking hands or sharing drinks or utensils. The survey from Merck and the Prevention Access Campaign also found that a majority of HIV-negative Generation Z and millennial individuals are unfamiliar with the term “undetectable” and the phrases “undetectable equals un-transmittable” and “U=U.”

Better late than never for Bayard Rustin Civil activist and organizer of Martin Luther King’s 1963 March on Washington, Bayard Rustin, has been posthumously pardoned by California’s governor for a conviction under outdated laws punishing homosexual activity. Rustin was arrested in 1953 for having sex with two men in a car in Pasadena. He served 50 days in the L.A. county jail. This was enough for MLK’s lieutenants to keep him from being on the dais at the March 10 years later. Rustin was instrumental in organizing many other protests and demonstrations. The banishment was triggered when U.S. Sen. Strom Thurmond of South Carolina read Rustin’s arrest file into the Congressional Record.

Marriage equality hits ‘Jobs Report’ The U.S. Labor Department’s January 2020 Jobs Report is the first time that “married, same-sex couples” have been reflected in the count of married couples. Data on samesex couple employment has always been reported as “other married.” Marriage, apparently, inspires employment: the report shows 46, 257 people in the category “married men, spouse present,” with an unemployment rate of 1.7 percent in January, and 36,869 as “married women, spouse present,” with an unemployment rate of 2.1 percent for the month.

No Block on Blockers In the face of opposition from medical professionals, therapists, and parents, legislation aimed at forbidding South Dakota physicians from providing puberty blockers and gender confirmation surgery to children failed in committee.

The bill aimed at preventing hormone and chemical therapy or surgery to be provided to minors under the age of 17.

The bill’s sponsor said the issue will not be addressed again in this session. However, the same type of legislation was just offered in Ohio. Why, Oh Why, Oh Why, Ohio

How does President Pete sound?

What started as a long shot a year ago now doesn’t seem so farfetched. South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg has finished in the top two spots in the first two contests for the Democratic Party presidential nomination. In the Electoral College-like scoring system in Iowa, it seems he placed, barely, second in popular votes and first in the delegate count. In New Hampshire, he was again barely second to Bernie. Next states are Nevada and South Carolina where “Mayor Pete” faces a stiff test with a large African-American voter base, who heretofore have supported former V.P. Joe Biden.

California’s travel ban contested In 2017, California signaled its virtue by banning state employees from traveling to states with discriminatory policies against LGBTQ. It began during the pile-on involving North Carolina passing a “bathroom bill” (later modified) which resulted in the NBA pulling an All-Stars Game and California Tech Companies pausing plans to build facilities in the state. Q

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March, 2020 | ISSUE 309 | Qsaltlake.com

Utah ranks in top half of states in HRC State Equality Index Utah, called one of the reddest states in the nation, ranks in the top half of LGBTQ equality in the newly released 2019 Human Rights Campaign State Equality Index. According to the report, 17 states and Washington D.C. are innovating equality, three are solidifying equality, Utah and Wisconsin are building equality and the remaining 28 states need to place high priority to achieve basic equality.

The SEI is a “comprehensive state-bystate report that provides a review of statewide laws and policies that affect LGBTQ people and their families,” a statement by HRC states. “The SEI rates all 50 states plus Washington, D.C. in six areas of law and assigns the states to one of four distinct categories.”

According to the report, “The SEI’s assessment of statewide LGBTQ-related legislation and policies in the areas of parenting laws and policies, religious refusal and relationship recognition laws, non-discrimination laws and policies, hate crime and criminal justice laws, youth-related laws and policies and health and safety laws and policies has placed each state in one of four distinct categories: Seventeen states and the District of Columbia are in the highest-rated category, “Working Toward Innovative Equality”: California, Colorado; Connecticut; Delaware; District of Columbia; Illinois; Maine; Maryland; Massachusetts; Minnesota; Nevada; New Jersey; New Mexico; New York; Oregon; Rhode Island; Vermont; and Washington Three states are in the category “Solidifying Equality”: Hawaii; Iowa; and New Hampshire Two states are in the category “Building Equality”: Utah and Wisconsin And 28 states are in the lowest-rated category “High Priority to Achieve Basic Equality”: Alabama; Alaska; Arizona; Arkansas; Florida; Georgia; Idaho; Indiana; Kansas; Kentucky; Louisiana; Michigan; Mississippi; Missouri; Montana; Nebraska; North Carolina; North Dakota; Ohio; Oklahoma; Pennsylvania; South Carolina; South Dakota; Tennessee; Texas; Virginia;

West Virginia; and Wyoming The report says Utah has successfully passed laws protecting LGBTQ parents in surrogacy laws, foster parent training, and parental presumption for same-sex couples. It lacks laws guaranteeing second parent adoption, foster care non-discrimination, insemination consent, and de facto parent recognition. Negative laws that other states have that Utah does not include those that would prohibit surrogacy for same-sex couples and laws

tions on allowing municipalities to enact non-discrimination laws.

Utah also has not directly approved legislation such as a “Freedom Restoration Act,” religious exemptions for professional training and practice, nor a “First Amendment Defense Act,” all of which provide religious organizations to discriminate.

For youth, Utah has three of four listed anti-bullying laws, a school suicide prevention policy, inclusion of transgender

Good and Bad Legislation

ANNUAL PROGRESS

GOOD BILLS INTRODUCED

BAD BILLS INTRODUCED

GOOD LAWS PASSED (CUMULATIVE)

permitting discrimination in adoption and foster placement.

In criminal justice and hate crime legislation, Utah is credited for its hate crime law that enumerates LGBTQ people, but lacks laws that make hate crime statistic gathering mandatory, eliminate panic defense for criminal acts, or prohibit profiling by law enforcement. It notes that Utah’s sodomy law is no longer on the books but a law that criminalizes HIV/ AIDS transmission does exist.

Non-discrimination laws in employment, housing, adoption exist in Utah that provide protections for both sexual orientation and gender identity, though in foster care, only sexual orientation is specified. Colleges and universities have non-discrimination policies for sexual orientation and gender identity, and a policy for state employees exists. Lacking are laws against discrimination in public accommodations, education, insurance, credit, and jury selection. Negative laws that Utah does not have include restric-

youth in sports and an LGBTQ inclusive juvenile justice policy. The newly-enacted protection from conversion therapy is not shown in the report, as it was enacted in January of this year. Lacking protections include specific laws addressing LGBTQ homelessness and inclusive sex education.

No health and safety laws are noted by the report.

Equality Utah is excited about the results for the state in the Index.

“Last year we improved our standing by passing an enumerated hate crimes law and striking our anti-sodomy statute,” leaders posted in social media. “Our recent ban on conversion therapy will be reflected in next year’s index.”

The group hopes to reach the next level this year, and asks for support to do so.

“Let’s continue working together so that we can jump to the next level of ‘Solidifying Equality’ in 2021,” EU wrote. Q The full report is available at hrc.org/campaigns/ state-equality-index.

12 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Qsaltlake.com | ISSUE 309 | March, 2020

Buttigieg draws thousands for town hall in Salt Lake City “Who’s ready to put the tweets behind us?” asked presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg to a packed Union Event Center crowd. The cheers were deafening.

Buttigieg spoke to an estimated 4,500 people at the venue while a line circled the block was still hoping to get in. The event had been moved earlier because the original venue had only a 2,500 capacity and registrations far exceeded that.

Jade Velazquez, state lead for Utah for Buttigieg Campaign, welcomed the crowd, saying he came out in Salt Lake City at the age of 14 where he was bullied and beaten up.

“As a young, gay kid I was an outsider and I never would have felt safe in a place like this,” he said. “But, look who has the mic now.”

The crowd whooped as Velazquez took a deep, cleansing breath.

“Pete talks about his marriage to Chasten, and how that union is so important to him and under threat from this administration, and I feel that,” Velazquez continued. “My amazing husband, Gabe, is an American citizen from the beautiful island of Puerto Rico. I wake up every day worried about his safety. We’ve seen how people of color have been attacked under this administration. … I feel like Pete is going to bring us all together as a united country and everyone will be welcome here.”

Valasquez introduced congressional candidate Kael Weston to the stage, who talked about Buttigieg being a fellow veteran who “understands the cost of war.”

He also called him a president who would “bring back high standards to the highest office of our land.”

Salt Lake City Mayor Erin Mendenhall then got onstage and said that Buttigieg has something that our current president doesn’t, which is “respect for people and all of their differences. The more diverse this country becomes, the more we need a president who can speak with tact, who can be eloquent, who can respect the people and celebrate this nation of diversity. She then went on to give Buttigieg a surprise endorsement.

Buttigieg came to the stage and exclaimed, “Wow, what a crowd! This is what it looks like to prove that there is no such thing as a permanently red state.”

He thanked Mendenhall, Salt Lake County Mayor Jenny Wilson and former mayor Ted Wilson for endorsing his candidacy.

“Here’s the thing about mayors. When you’re a mayor, you just gotta get things done. If the numbers don’t add up at the end of the year in your budget, you don’t get to just print more ‘Salt Lake City dollars.’ You’ve got to figure out a way to make it work,” he said. “You’ll never hear of a city shutting down its government because the two parties can’t agree. It doesn’t happen because you just have to solve the problem.”

“So when people say to me, ‘what makes you think a mayor can run for mayor? You’re just a mayor, not a senator, you haven’t been marinating in Washington for years or for decades,’ I always

say ‘that’s the point!’ We’ve got to get Washington to work a little more like our best-run cities and towns.”

He spoke on Utah Sen. Mitt Romney being the only Republican senator to vote to convict Trump on one of the articles of impeachment against him.

“If your senator, whom I disagree with on a whole lot of things, but I think we can agree followed his conscience on this matter because he was more worried about his relationship with his conscience and his maker than his relationship with the Republican party… If he was alone in doing that, doesn’t that say more about what has become of the Republican party today than anything else?”

He then went on to talk about the many things the people of the country agree on rather than disagree. That workers should be empowered, wages should be raised and ensure that one job should be enough to make a living. Healthcare for all Americans, including his version of Medicare for All “Who Want It.” Protecting our air and water quality, “and ensure that our Environmental Protection Agency believes in environmental protection.”

He also touched on racial equality and the Dream Act. “This is a country that already understands that true love of country, that true patriotism, means loving a country that’s made of people, and you can’t love a country if you hate half the people in it,” he said.

During a question-and-answer period, an audience member asked about his thoughts on legalizing marijuana.

Buttigieg said he thought it should be legal at the federal level, and doesn’t think drug possession warrants incarceration. He wants to look at currently incarcerated people who were convicted of mere posession and give them amnesty.

The primary election takes place on March 3. Mail-in ballots have already reached registered voters, and some counties have early voting, and all counties have election day voting. For more information, go to vote.utah.gov.

A candidate needs 1,991 delegates to secure a spot on the Democratic National Convention ballot. While it is still extremely early, Buttigieg leads in the current delegate count at 23. Sanders follows with 21. Elizabeth Warren has eight and Amy Klobuchar. seven, and Biden six.. Q

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 13

March, 2020 | ISSUE 309 | Qsaltlake.com

Local leaders endorse Buttigieg for president As presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg came to Utah for a town hall with thousands of supporters, several local leaders publicly endorsed his candidacy..

SALT LAKE COUNTY MAYOR JENNY WILSON “I believe in Pete’s vision for our country and trust him to represent all Americans.

This country needs a unifying leader capable of undoing the damage done over the last few years and returning us to a domestic agenda focused on the needs of our citizens. Additionally, Pete’s service as a Navy Officer gives him a unique advantage over others at a time when restoring America’s place as a leader in the world is so critical,” Jenny Wilson said in a statement. “Mayors approach challenges differently than senators do because we are forced to be more practical than ideological. We have to work quickly, responsively, and across party lines to deliver results for our constituents, and can’t afford to get bogged down in philosophical squabbles. Perhaps most importantly, Pete can defeat President Trump in November.

Not only will he energize the base of the Democratic Party, but we believe he will be able to attract a larger share of moderates, independents, and liberal Republican voters than any other candidate in the field. Pete Buttigieg has my vote and my enthusiastic endorsement.”

FORMER SALT LAKE CITY MAYOR TED WILSON “The Democratic Party is fortunate to have a number of very capable, qualified leaders running for president this year.

I believe Mayor Pete Buttigieg is the right candidate for the moment and the candidate best qualified to be our next commander in chief,” Ted Wilson wrote.

SALT LAKE COUNTY DISTRICT ATTORNEY SIM GILL “We’ve made progress towards criminal justice reform in Salt Lake County, but it’s going to take bold action at the federal level to drive change across Utah and the United States. That’s why I’m proud to endorse Pete Buttigieg for President of the United States,” Gill said in a statement. “As mayor of South Bend, he never

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shied away from tough conversations, and as president, he’ll prioritize restorative justice to work to reduce incarceration across the United States. Pete understands the importance of belonging — he will be a president for all of us, not only those that support him. I enthusiastically endorse Pete Buttigieg for president of the United States.”

SALT LAKE CITY MAYOR ERIN MENDENHALL “[Buttigieg] is the kind of person who knows Salt Lake City, who knows South Bend, Ind., who knows the United States of America, because he cares about people,” Mendenhall said on the stage introducing Buttigieg at the Town Hall.

“He also has something that the current president doesn’t have, and that is respect for the people and all their differences.

The more diverse this country becomes, the more we need a president who can speak with tact, who can be eloquent, who can respect the people and celebrate this nation of diversity. Pete can lead not only because he has a plan, but he has a genuine understanding of people because he’s done the work at the grassroots level. Q

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Qsaltlake.com | ISSUE 309 | March, 2020

Few LGBTQ-related bills on Utah’s Capitol Hill this legislative season Unlike some other states, the number of LGBTQ bills this year at the Utah Legislative Session, especially bad ones, is small.

Here is a writeup of where they are.

Prohibition of Transgender Procedures upon Minors One bill still being drafted (as of press time) is a bill promised by Rep. Brad Daw, R-Orem, which would prohibit doctors from doing gender reassignment surgery on minors. Daw has promised the bill would not preclude hormone blockers, but no draft is currently available to determine if he will be true to his word.

HB 116 — Murdered and Missing Indigenous Women, Girls, and LGBTQ+ Task Force A bill touted as a first step towards addressing what leaders are calling an epidemic of missing and murdered Native American women, girls, and LGBTQ+ people was heard Feb. 11 on Utah’s Capitol Hill.

Rep. Angela Romero, D-Salt Lake City, sponsored HB 116, Murdered and Missing Indigenous Women, Girls, and LGBTQ+ Task Force, in an effort to collect data Rep. Angela Romero on the issue.

The task force she is hoping to create would be comprised of 17 members, including legislators, Native American tribal and organizational leaders, a Tribal judge, a Native American survivor of violence, A University of Utah researcher, a sheriff and a district attorney.

The group is tasked with identifying the “systemic causes behind violence that indigenous women, girls, and LGBTQ+ experience, including patterns and underlying factors that explain why disproportionately high levels of violence occur against indigenous women, girls, and LGBTQ+, including underlying historical, social, economic, institutional, and cultural factors that may contribute to the violence.”

They will also identify gaps in law enforcement data collection and study ways

to address those gaps.

They will then recommend improvements in the “criminal justice and social service systems for preventing and addressing the murdered and missing indigenous women, girls, and LGBTQ+ crisis in Utah.”

They will have until Nov. 20 of this year to report on their finding.

Romero is asking for a one-time $40,000 appropriation to fund the task force.

The bill passed both the committee and the Utah House and is now sitting in the Utah Senate.

HB 234 — Gestational Agreement Amendments A bill by Rep. Patrice Arent, D-Millcreek, that removes a restriction in Utah law that disallows a gay male couple from becoming surrogate parents unanimously passed through a Utah House of Representatives committee on Friday and is headed to the House floor for debate on Wednesday. HB 234 — Gestational Agreement Amendments removes the restriction that a couple can only enter into a surrogacy agreement if “medical evidence shows that the intended mother is unable to bear a child or is unable to do so without unreasonable risk to her physical or mental health or to the unborn child.” That restriction was used to deny a gay male couple in St.

George from becoming surrogate parents.

A St. George judge ruled that he had no choice but to deny the petition of two gay men after a woman and her husband agreed she would carry the child. The judge found that the men had a sound argument, but the law refers only to a mother, meaning a woman, and they both are men.

Both couples appealed the decision to the Utah Supreme Court, arguing the law violates the men’s constitutional rights to due process and equal protection. The justices agreed on the constitutional point but not on their argument that a mother should be interpreted to mean a parent.

The Utah Attorney General’s Office, which generally defends state laws, agreed with the couple, and submitted court papers in favor of their argument.

In August 2019, the Utah Supreme Court ruled that “same-sex couples must be afforded all of the benefits the state has linked to marriage.”

At the time, Equality Utah’s executive director, Troy Williams, said that the court “has stricken discriminating language from Utah’s code and affirmed that equality is the law of the land.”

Arent testified that the bill is mostly a housekeeping measure to make the Utah law reflect the court ruling.

The Utah House Judiciary Committee voted unanimously to send the bill to the full Utah House where it was passed unanimously. It is now waiting in the Utah Senate for consideration. Q

‘No Sides, Only Love’ banner slashed in Orem In the wake of multiple suicides at their neighboring high school, Orem parents Brenda and Thomas hung two banners on their fence to show support for their LGBTQ+ child, community, and friends.

One banner was from Encircle, which read “No Sides, Only Love.” The other is a suicide prevention banner from the Trevor Project, reading “You Are Never Alone.”

The banner reading “No Sides, Only Love” was slashed by someone on Thursday, January 23, partially removing it from the fence but making it no longer usable.

While the perpetrator was caught on a security camera, it was too far to be of much good to authorities. But what is more important to Brenda is how this person got to the point of doing such a thing, saying she feels sorry for them.

“I wonder how often he has not felt accepted himself to be able to hate other people he doesn’t know,” Brenda told KUTV News.

The couple also made headlines last summer when five of their rainbow Pride Flags were stolen from their yard near Timpanogos High School.

The parents then decided to do something positive about the most recent incident. They started a campaign to put the message of the destroyed banner on billboards throughout Utah.

Their goal is to raise $15,000 so Encircle can put up as many billboards as they can across the state of Utah with the same message — No sides, only Love.

The campaign has raised over $11,000 by 180 donors at nosidesbanner.funraise.org.

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 15

March, 2020 | ISSUE 309 | Qsaltlake.com

Salt Lake County Health Dept. adds HIV PrEP to STD Clinic services The Salt Lake County Health Department STD Clinic added HIV pre-exposure prophylaxis, more widely known as PrEP, to its services for clients. Sexually active people — particularly those with multiple partners — and people who inject drugs are among those who could most benefit from using PrEP. PrEP is a daily pill taken by people who do not have HIV to protect against HIV infection. PrEP is only available by prescription. When taken as prescribed, PrEP is very effective at reducing the risk of contracting HIV; the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that daily PrEP reduces the risk of getting HIV from sex by more than 90 percent. Among people who inject drugs, PrEP reduces the risk of getting HIV by more than 70 percent when used consistently.

While PrEP is highly effective in preventing HIV, it does not protect against other sexually transmitted diseases, such as gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis.

“PrEP is an additional tool available to help us prevent the spread of HIV,” said Dr. Dagmar Vitek, the department’s medical director. “It, along with safer sex practices like consistent condom usage, can

be an important component of a personalized plan to prevent the transmission of HIV and remain sexually healthy.”

PrEP is available under two brand names: Truvada and Descovy.

Office visits and lab work required while taking PrEP will cost patients a minimum of $835 per year, not including the prescription cost of the drug itself, which may be among the drugs covered by health insurance plans’ brand name drug coverage.

The Salt Lake County Health Department cannot bill health insurance plans for services at the STD Clinic.

For people who are uninsured, or who have insurance but need help with out-ofpocket costs, there are financial assistance programs that may be able to help with cost of the prescription, including assistance from PrEP’s manufacturer, Gilead, and from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ “Ready, Set, PrEP” program. STD Clinic staff can refer patients to the financial assistance program most appropriate for their situation. Q

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16 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Q mmunity Queer Food Festival is March 28 Laziz Kitchen and the Utah Pride Center is bringing back the Queer Food Festival, started just last year. Join for an evening of drinks, entertainment, and (most importantly) delicious queer food.

What is queer food, you ask? Why, it’s food that is made, served, chopped, cooked, bussed, ran, shaken and stirred by your fellow queer industry workers and establishment operators. This will be a fun night with bites, cocktails, music, and a drag show celebrating our wonderful contributions to food and drink in the city, all while supporting the Utah Pride Center.

Entry includes a complimentary beverage and nibbles from numerous local eateries.

Tickets are $40 at the door, or $35 if you purchase them online ahead of time. Youth 21 and under and seniors 60 and over are $15 per ticket. Tickets are available at bit.ly/queerfood2020 The event takes place Saturday, March 28, from 7–10 p.m. at Jaden Event Center, Trolley Square.

UofU film student seeking people who went through BYU aversion therapy A University of Utah film and communication student is working on his senior documentary project and is seeking people who experienced aversion therapy at Brigham Young University.

“I am hoping to find people who were subjected to either shock therapy or vomit therapy. As part of this project, I would like to document their personal stories and explore the sometimes unfortunate journey that our community faces and how the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints influences those experiences at the BYU campus,” Hugo Vaca said. “Another component that I’m exploring is how people thought and still think that people can be ‘reprogrammed’ and the concept of choice.”

Identities can be hidden if necessary. Hugo can be reached at hugovacalopez@gmail.com

Two-Spirit Pow Wow will be held at the Urban Indian Center The Urban Indian Center of Salt Lake hosts its first Two-Spirit Pow Wow this month, co-sponsored by the Utah Pride Center.

Qsaltlake.com | ISSUE 309 | March, 2020

“We are very excited to join other powwows in the movement towards inclusivity and honoring of our Two-Spirit and LGBTQIA+ relatives,” organizers wrote in a statement.

The event is a community social pow wow featuring dancers and drums, community presentations and resources, a cakewalk and more.

The event will take place Saturday, Feb. 22 from noon to 6 p.m. at the Urban Indian Center, 120 W. 13th S. At noon will be the grand entry and an opening blessing at 12:15 p.m.

A hoop dance presentation by the award-winning Partick Willie will take place at 2 p.m.

The Two-Spirit Two-Step Special starts at 4 p.m. sponsored by head dancers Tinisha Rose Quintana and Kylie Reese. To be eligible, the pair must be in a committed relationship.

Those interested in volunteering are asked to sign up at signup.com/go/cMZaQsN. For other questions regarding the pow wow, call 801-214-7687

Participants Sought For LGB/Religion Study If you are an adult who identifies as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or pansexual and are currently living in the United States, you are invited to participate in this study investigating queer spirituality and its effect on mental health.

Clinical Psychology Ph.D. student Adam Stoker is conducting a research study looking at the effects of spiritual and religious beliefs on the mental health of people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or pansexual.

Religious doctrine and beliefs can conflict with a person’s sexual identity, Stoker said.

“Talking about religion and sexuality can be a touchy topic for many people, he said.

“Navigating conflicting identities can often lead to increases in such problems as depression and substance abuse.”

Stoker says that there is limited research on the potential differences between affirming and non-affirming religious or spiritual beliefs and how these differences may affect the mental health of people who are attracted to the same gender.

Participation is completely anonymous, will take approximately 30 minutes to complete, and you can choose to be entered into a drawing for one of three $20 Amazon gift cards The study is at bit.ly/stokerstudy University Institutional Review Board and questions may be sent to astoker@alliant. edu.

‘Jazz and Friends’ National Day of Community Reading in Orem After a national anti-LGBTQ hate group bullied a young transgender girl in Mount Horeb, Wisc., her community rallied behind her by hosting a community reading of “I Am Jazz” by transgender advocate Jazz Jennings.

Every year, in honor of the Mount Horeb community’s allyship, communities across the country join HRC’s Welcoming Schools program for its annual Jazz & Friends National Day of School and Community Readings.

Locally, the nonprofit group Genderbands will be hosting a reading of both ‘I am Jazz” and “Julian is a Mermaid” at the Orem Library.

The event will take place Thursday, February 27 at 5 p.m. at the Orem Library, 58 N. State Street, Orem.

This is an all-ages community event.

Royal Court to host AIDS Awareness Week Each year the Emperor of the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire hosts an AIDS Awareness week. The proceeds to benefit the RCGSE AIDS Fund, which assists those living with HIV/AIDS. Those seeking assistance from the fund apply at rcgse.org/ rcgse-aids-fund/.

SCHEDULE Sat. Mar. 7, 6pm, Turnabout, Sun-Trapp Sun. Mar. 8, 11am, Red Pin Bowling, Bonwood Mon. Mar. 9, 6pm, Award Dinner, Sizzler, 3429 S Redwood Rd. Tues. Mar. 10, 7pm, Gen. Meeting, Utah Pride Weds. Mar. 11, 7pm, Darts from Hell, Sun-Trapp Thurs. Mar. 12, 7pm, Theater Night, Hale Center Theatre Fri., Mar. 13, 8pm, Drag Roulette, Bottoms Up Sat. Mar. 14, 6pm, Monarch Show, Sun Trapp Sun. Mar. 15, 6pm, Red Ball: Rent, Sun Trapp

Third Friday Bingo The Matrons of Mayhem are supporting the Rocky Mountain Great Dane Rescue in February. This is one of the largest bingos of the year..

Regular Admission: $6 for one card or 2 for $10. Party Foul Insurance $5. Flamingo Hat of Shame $5, Drag-in-a-Bag $50 (for a contribution of $50 we will give the person of your choosing a drag makeover during intermission) Kitchen concessions available for purchase. This is event is family friendly, kids are welcome and encouraged. This is an alcohol-free event

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March, 2020 | ISSUE 309 | Qsaltlake.com

Elevation Utah Gay Ski Week Turns 10

Utah Gay Football League’s 2020 season beginning The Utah Gay Football League is ramping up for its 15th season.

The flag football league is part of the National Gay Flag Football League, which has over 200 teams in 22 leagues across the United States and Canada. Teams representing these leagues participate in the national tournament titled Gay Bowl, hosted every Columbus Day Weekend in a different member city. It was held in Salt Lake City in 2008 and this year will be in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

“Being a part of the UGFL is not only about enjoying flag football but also to encourage community and camaraderie, to be active participants in the Salt Lake Metro community, and to serve as examples for the next generation of LGBTQ+ youth, inspiring acceptance, pride, and self-confidence,” organizers said in a statement. “We play to build bridges and break down stereotypes within and beyond our own community by creating a uniquely welcoming environment to play recreational flag football with integrity and sportsmanship.”

A pre-season meeting will be held February 23 where you can register for the season for $55. On March 1 the price goes to $75 and late registration of $95 begins March 15.

The Spring season will be March 27–June 17, and no games will be held on May 1

or 29. Games are held Friday nights at Sugar House Park starting at 6:30 p.m.

Rookie Camp will be March 14th at Sugarhouse Park where all new players must attend either from 10 a.m. to noon or 2–4 p.m. A Draft Party will be held that evening.

Non-playing volunteers are always needed to help the league in different capacities including setting up fields, refereeing, and organizing special events. Please reach out to INFO@UtahGayFootballLeague.com if you’d like to be a part of the UGFL community.

EVENTS / SCHEDULE All games are from 6:30 to 8pm at Sugarhouse Park 2/23/20 — UGFL 2020 Pre-Season Meeting, 6–7pm, Location: TBD 3/14/20 Rookie Camp, Sugarhouse Park 3/20/20 Team Practice/Scrimmage 3/27/20 Week 1 4/3/20 Week 2 4/10/20 Week 3 4/17/20 Week 4 4/24/20 Week 5 5/1/20 Bye Week 5/8/20 Week 6 5/15/20 Week 7 5/22/20 Week 8 5/29/20 Bye Week 6/1//20 Week 9 6/12/20 Play-off Games 6/19/20 Championship Game 6/26/20 End-of-Season Party More information is at utahgayfootballleague.com

Hey there ski bums, ski abs, ski elbows, ski noses, and ski muffin tops! Elevation Utah turns 10 this year. Not only is it 10 chronologically, but it’s also among the top 10 things to do in those lists that tell you what the top 10 things to do are. It’s, in fact, the premier gay ski event. Are there any other gay ski events in the non-premier category? Anyway, Tom Whitman plans to celebrate in grand fashion. I do not mean in stylish shoes (although he might), but rather he says he’s bringing in the best of the best for entertainment and extending the elevated soiree to five days this year.

Among the many festivities, you can expect to see an array of talent. DJ Dawna Montell, and DJ Blacklow, will be here.

Adam Turner is puddle-jumping across the pond from London to join Elevation Utah.

Elevation Utah takes off on February 26 and lands again on March 1. After that, the Daddy of Elevation events — Elevation Mammoth — happens March 18 through 22. Everyone is ready for that “altitude without attitude” spirit.

Schedule of Events WEDNESDAY, FEB. 26 9pm, Welcome Party with DJ Dawna Montell, Cabin Lounge, 427 Main St, Park City

THURSDAY, FEB. 27 12:30pm, Casual Lunch Meetup, Park City Mountain 4pm, Thirsky Apres-Ski with DJ Adam Turner, Cabin Lounge 9pm, Throwback Thursday, 625 Main St, Park City

FRIDAY, FEB. 28 Suggested Skiing at Canyons 12:30pm, Casual Lunch Meetup, Lookout Cabin, Canyons 4pm Friday Apres-Ski with DJ Dawna Montell, OP Rockwell, 268 Main St, Park City 9pm Neon, DJ Adam Turner, Cabin Lounge, 427 Main St

SATURDAY, FEB. 29 Suggested Skiing Park City Mtn 12:30, Casual Lunch Meetup, Mid-Mountain Lodge 4pm, Onsie Apres-Ski with DJ Blacklow, Cabin Lounge 9pm Gear with DJ Grind, OP Rockwell, 268 Main St Sunday, Mar. 1 4pm, Farewell Apres Ski, DJ Blacklow, 625 Main St You can get your tickets to ELEVATION Utah at bit.ly/UtahGaySki2020. More information at utahgayskiweek.com.

18 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Rachel Slawson is the first out contestant for Miss USA

Qsaltlake.com | ISSUE 309 | March, 2020

Miss Utah USA talks about growing up bisexual, coming out, being bipolar and working as a suicide prevention advocate.

The first

LGBTQ contestant in the 68 years of the Miss USA pageant is Miss Utah USA’s Rachel Slawson. The 25-year-old, who competed as Miss Park City, won the title on her fifth try on Saturday, Jan. 19.

On February 1, she took to her YouTube channel to discuss growing up bisexual, her coming out process, and her family.

“As you have seen, I made national headlines …” she says with a grimace. “as the first openly queer woman who will ever compete at Miss USA, which is a huge honor, and I’m overwhelmed and super excited to represent both my home state in the pageant community and my LGBTQ+ community at large.”

“I’m going to have a lot to learn, so we are going to figure this out together. And it’s going to be fun,” she said.

GROWING UP BISEXUAL “I was attracted to girls before I was attracted to boys,” she explained. “I remember this happened when I was really young. My first crush happened when I was six years old, and it was on another girl.”

“I remember my first crush on a boy, I was actually relieved, because I felt like, ‘okay I can be normal,’” she said while doing “air quotes.” “And that would have been a great plan if that didn’t involve cutting off half my personality and interests and identity and shoving it in a little box and pretending like it didn’t exist.”

“However, when you deny an entire aspect of yourself, that actually can have really damaging effects on your self worth and self esteem, and it ended up doing exactly that,” she continued. “I’ve had feelings for girlfriends as I was growing up. I typically had more relationships with guys, because that’s what I allowed myself. If I had feelings for a girl I would just pretend that didn’t exist.”

“As I started working on my own self esteem and my relationship with myself, I realized that all of these pieces of myself that I’d packed up in boxes and stored away for later I was going to have to unpack because hiding it doesn’t make it go away, it just makes it impacting more.”

PHOTO: RACHEL SLAWSON, INSTAGRAM

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March, 2020 | ISSUE 309 | Qsaltlake.com

COMING OUT She decided to “shed love and light” on these tucked-away feelings.

“I gave myself permission to get to know women and go out on dates and I ended up coming out to my family last year and then on social media and then again at the pageant.”

Of the three, she said the hardest coming out was to her conservative family whose religious beliefs didn’t align with her being bisexual.

“I had hope that we would be able to find a place of mutual understanding and respect,” she said. “It wasn’t like that at first, but we found that eventually.”

She said her family was scared about what this meant for her and her moral character, but also embarrassed and ashamed. She said that her family said things that were not exactly helpful, but she realizes that was because they didn’t understand.

“It was really hard for me because it was so hard for them. I didn’t want to cause my family any pain,” she said. “But it was also really important for myself to find that self acceptance. I also believe that love comes from a place of trust and vulnerability and authenticity.”

Her family did come around and is now very supportive.

HER BIPOLAR DIAGNOSIS Her road to the crown was far from easy.

“Let’s just get straight to the point,” she

started in an Instagram post shortly after winning. “The last time I tried to end my life I was 19 years old, and it was the night I lost Miss Utah USA.” She asked herself, “Why wasn’t I enough?”

“After a few trips to the psych ward, [I was] diagnosed with bipolar disorder (the reason I had such an extreme reaction to losing a pageant) and finally [came] to terms with who I am as a queer woman,” she continued. “And the only difference between tonight, and the night I left broken-hearted, wishing I wasn’t alive, is that I knew I was enough before I arrived.”

“I am so grateful for this crown.

And I promise to do right

by Utah and spend this year sharing my truth.”

“But if I’m being honest with you, this crown is a new job, not an answer to the question I spent the last nine years asking, ‘Why am I even here?’ I am why,” she wrote. “This is my 7th pageant, my 5th time competing at Miss Utah USA, and tonight I finally experienced hands-down the biggest dream of my life.”

“If you are in crisis, please text TALK to 741741, and remember you are always worthy of help, and you are worthy of your biggest dream.”

SUICIDE PREVENTION ADVOCATE Slawson now works as a suicide prevention advocate for the Crisis Text Line and the American Foundation for Suicide

Prevention. She speaks out frequently about her own experiences, both good and bad, with mental health struggles on social media. Her hashtag, #IAmWhy, promotes self-worth. She has spoken about mental health at events, including the TEDx Citrus Park Women event in California last December. She’s focused on breaking down the stigmas surrounding bipolar disorder and other mental health issues, which she blogs about on her website, SaltyRachel.com.

Utah ranks fifth in the nation for its suicide rates, according to the Utah State Department of Health. Many believe LGBTQ+ youth are particularly vulnerable to depression and more likely to attempt suicide.

In an interview with CNN, she called her participation in the pageant “monumental” for members of Utah’s LGBTQ+ community.

“It represents a facet of our community that is deeply struggling,” she told CNN. She plans to tour local schools and businesses to discuss suicide prevention and will continue to be transparent about bipolar disorder and her sexuality.

She hopes to shift the stereotypes of what a pageant competitor should look and sound like, she said.

“Pageantry comes with an allure of perfection, and I don’t think that’s changed,” she said. “I just think that the definitions of beauty and perfection are expanding.” Q

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views

Qsaltlake.com | ISSUE 309 | March, 2020

quotes “My thoughts on gay marriage are that everyone has the right to love and be loved, and that’s the position I take.”

—Nick Jonas

“I am straight enough to know that if you want to marry whoever you want to marry, you should be able to marry whoever you want to marry.”

—Patti Labelle

“Everybody has the right to marry the person they love and be represented as a couple and family.”

—Julianne Moore

“My gay friend just admitted his love for me and he thinks I hate him. I’m about to show up at his house with flowers, pizza and video games.”

—Anonymous

“Equality, absolutely, that’s what defines us. It’s what makes us great. If it doesn’t sit well with your religion, let your God sort it out in the end, but that’s us. We’re equal.”

—Brad Pitt

“Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible — it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could.”

—author Barbara de Angelis

“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.”

—Ann Landers

March, 2020 | ISSUE 309 | Qsaltlake.com

guest editorial

My brother is wrong about his transgender bill

BY CHRISTY FLORENCE

“We need

leaders not in love with money but in love with justice. Not in love with publicity but in love with humanity.”

This quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. resonates deeply with me today. In 2020, Utah lawmakers have once again set out to target trans youth with ill-conceived and dangerous legislation that attempts to restrict survival opportunities for young people who are transgender.

My name is Christy Florence. I am an ally and advocate for the LGBTQ+ community.

I am one of the founders of the Mama Dragons. I am the parent of a transgender female. I am also the wife of a transgender male. I have a deep understanding of what is required to physically, medically and emotionally transition.

I have sat with families of transgender youth and heard their stories. I have sat with transgender youth themselves and listened to their struggles, and I have held them while they cried. I have sat with grieving parents as they struggle to obtain the life-saving care their kids need in order to start transition; but are met with insurmountable obstacles.

I have educated myself over the years so that I may better serve the community and help others with their journey.

Brad Daw is the member of the Utah House of Representatives who has been asked to propose this bill. He is my brother. He knows my daugh-

ter and he knows my husband; but he knows little to nothing of their journey. He knows little about the journey of any transgender individual and their family.

We have offered to be a resource for him and to help educate him on this important and sensitive issue. He has yet to take us up on the offer.

Many transgender youth struggle to receive basic medical care. Some families have lost the support of their loved ones and community. This legislation is unnecessary and punitive. It will cause harm to an already vulnerable and struggling population.

The medical community has provided competent boundaries and guidance to trans youth and their families. Permanent changes and/or surgeries are not recommended until a trans youth is an adult. Attempting to legislate into a space that the medical community is already handling very well doesn’t make sense.

Legislators are not doctors.

We don’t need politicians making it harder for kids who are transgender and singling them out for increased bullying and harassment.

Research shows that transgender youth whose families support their gender identity have a 52 percent decrease in suicidal thoughts, a 48% decrease in suicide attempts, and significant increases in self-esteem and general health.

This bill would punish these supportive families.

Parents would have to choose between the possibility of

government prosecution or supporting the health and well-being of their transgender child.

Transgender rights are human rights. Let me repeat, transgender rights are human rights.

Brad, I implore you to leave the decisions of medical care to the parents and medical professionals. Trust the experts. They know what they are doing. These families know their children and what is very best for them.

When fighting for civil rights in the 1950s, Elizabeth Peratrovich proclaimed, “Asking you to give me equal rights implies that they are yours to give. Instead, I must demand that you stop trying to deny me the rights all people deserve.”

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 21

This statement is applicable in every way to the present situation not only is this wrong, but it also has the potential to be harmful and dangerous.

Denying best-practice medical care and support to transgender youth can be life-threatening. It has been shown to contribute to depression, social isolation, self-hatred, risk of self-harm, and suicidal behavior.

I ask all Utah politicians to reconsider. This is an opportunity to do the right thing and keep our precious children safe and happy, and to honor their beautiful diversity. Q Christy Florence, Salt Lake City, is the Mama Dragon of a trans female and an LGBTQ+ advocate. This article first ran in The Salt Lake Tribune.

22 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

guest editorial

Qsaltlake.com |

ISSUE 309 |

MARCH, 2020

The Equal Rights Amendment is a queer movement

BY KATE KELLY

You may

have seen many ­female congressmembers wearing green ERA NOW buttons to the State of the Union Address recently. But, just what is the ERA and who is it for? Why should LGBTQ+ people care?

The Equal Rights Amendment, or ERA, is a simple amendment to the U.S. Constitution, penned by prominent American suffragist Alice Paul in 1923. Its principal clause states: “Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.”

Paul believed American women needed to be explicitly included in the constitution in order to fully benefit from its protection.

She was right. Ruth Bader Ginsburg did pioneer legal protection arguments “on the basis of sex” in the 1970s under the 14th Amendment’s Equal Protection Clause. She paved the way for gender to be included along with other categories like race, religion, and national origin as unconstitutional forms of discrimination.

However, unlike these other groups, the Supreme Court determines whether a law amounts to sex-based discrimination at a lower level of “scrutiny.” What does this mean? To this day, it’s still easier for state and federal governments to pass sexist laws and keep them on the books than other categories of discriminatory laws.

Originalist justices like the late Antonin Scalia and his ilk do not believe that the Constitution rightfully protects from discrimination on the basis of sex, at all, even under the Equal Protection Clause.

In 2011, Scalia publicly said, “Certainly the Constitution does not require discrimination on the basis of sex. The only issue is whether it prohibits it. It doesn’t.

Nobody ever thought that that’s what it meant. Nobody ever voted for that.” In order for justices like him to concede protection on the basis of sex is valid, women still need to be written directly into the Constitution.

After its introduction in every Congress since 1923, the ERA finally passed in Congress in 1972 to much fanfare and went to the states for ratification. Initially, it had almost unanimous, bipartisan nationwide support, due to the robust women’s liberation movement sweeping the country at the time. But, conservative and religious groups began to whip up anti-ERA fervor, leading the ERA to fall just three states short of ratification in 1982.

In order to defeat such a popular amendment, anti-ERA opposition groups used arguments overlapping with anti-­ LGTBQ+ sentiment. Phyllis Schlafly’s group “STOP ERA” endlessly beat the drum with cries of its potential to legalize gay marriage (a common scare tactic at the time), and one of the best-known strategies deployed by anti-ERA activists was to stoke the irrational fear of unisex bathrooms. Notoriously anti-LGTBQIA+ organizations like the Mormon Church also played a key role in killing the original attempt to ratify the Equal Rights Amendment.

Now, over 30 years later, the LGBTQ rights movement has won incredible victories and successfully made moot nearly all of the anti-ERA arguments. Thanks to decades of tireless advocacy that led to the case of Obergefell v. Hodges, same-sex couples can now marry anywhere in the U.S. Public unisex restrooms are now becoming the norm in many places. All this progress does not bode well for the anti-ERA cause.

In 2017, on the heels of all this social transformation and after the Women’s March, a queer, black preacher from Nevada resurrected the ERA and brought it back into the modern age and political discourse as viable. As one of two openly gay senators in the legislature, Nevada state Senator Pat Spearman said, “The Equal Rights Amendment is about equality, period,” and shepherded an ERA ratification resolution through both houses.

Due to Spearman’s efforts, the Nevada legislature ratified the ERA 45 years to the day since Congress originally passed it. Sen. Spearman almost single-handedly reignited the robust national fight for constitutional rights on the basis of sex.

In 2018, Illinois followed suit, leaving only 13 potential states: Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Utah, and Virginia. None of these are known to be bastions of queer or women’s liberation, but several have their own state versions of the ERA already in their respective constitutions. Further, there are active campaigns in several states to ratify the ERA, most notably Virginia, North Carolina, Arizona, and Georgia.

Then on January 15 of this year, Virginia’s General Assembly passed a ratification resolution for the ERA in a 59–41 vote in the House of Delegates and 28–12 in the Senate, makingit the 38th state to pass the resolution.

As the ERA gets closer to the century-long quest of ratification, the question that looms large is: equal rights for whom? Though considered to be an amendment to add the female population to the Constitution, the word “women” is conspicuously absent from the ERA, which instead forbids discrimination on the basis of “sex.” It can be argued that this simple, straightforward language holds ample potential to protect all marginalized genders and sexual minorities.

Within the past two decades, six federal circuit courts of appeals and at least 15 federal district courts have concluded that discriminating against a person because they are transgender amounts to sex-based discrimination. The most relevant of these decisions is a case called Glenn v. Brumby, a federal lawsuit filed on behalf of a transgender woman fired from her job after she stated her intention to live as a woman. In this case, the Eleventh Circuit held that “a person is defined

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as transgender precisely because of the perception that his or her behavior transgresses gender stereotypes.” Therefore, “discrimination against a transgender individual because of her gender-nonconformity is sex discrimination,” and subject to intermediate scrutiny under the Equal Protection Clause.

This burgeoning case law suggests trans+ people are protected under the current interpretation of “discrimination on the basis of sex” under the Equal Protection clause in the Constitution (the same category cis women are protected under). So, it stands to reason that trans+ people may also fall under the umbrella of the ERA’s protections, once it’s ratified and integrated into the Constitution. The ERA could play a role in expanding protections for trans+ people nationwide.

The ERA may also provide additional protection from discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. There are cur-

rently only two federal circuit courts that have found discrimination on the basis of sexuality to be sex-based discrimination, and excitingly, “the tide may be turning” according to this 2018 case from the First Circuit. These federal circuit court decisions (Hively v. Ivy Tech Community College of Indiana and Zarda v. Altitude Express, Inc.) have already concluded that sexual orientation discrimination is also a subset of sex discrimination under the Equal Protection Clause. There would be no principled reason for courts to allow sex stereotyping discrimination under the Equal Rights Amendment, while simultaneously prohibiting sex stereotyping discrimination under the Equal Protection Clause and a variety of state and federal statutes.

Current generations of Americans are rethinking gender norms in new and exciting ways and looking beyond strict gender binaries. Thanks to the overarch-

ing language used by Alice Paul, the ERA can potentially serve as a wider tent of constitutional protection than she could have ever envisioned in 1923. The ERA is an amendment for our times.

We are only one state away from changing our foundational legal document. Let’s work together to ratify the ERA, and finally get the protection and recognition well over 50 percent of the population deserves — for women, girls, nonbinary folx, our transgender siblings, and all marginalized genders. When children read about the Constitution in school with the ERA firmly planted in it, they will learn that all Americans are created equal, not just men. Q Kate Kelly is a human rights attorney at Equality Now, an international women’s rights NGO and a lead organizer of the national ERA Coalition. Follow her on Twitter @Kate_ Kelly_Esq. This previous version of this article was first published in ‘The Advocate’ and is used with permission.

TYING THE KNOT? Know who WANTS your business and will treat you with the DIGNITY and RESPECT you deserve.

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positive thoughts

Qsaltlake.com | ISSUE 309 | March, 2020

I’m a Beautiful Black Queen Living With HIV, not stigma

BY PORCHIA DEES

I am a

Beautiful Black Queen Living with HIV. It has taken a long time for me to come to terms with that statement, because the concepts of beauty and HIV don’t usually go together. Growing up poz and trying to cope with the stigma surrounding my experience has been challenging, to say the least. I am a part of the first generation of children who were born positive.

I was born Dec. 5, 1986. At the time, my biological mother was using drugs and heavy in her addiction. If it weren’t for my aunt, who I call mom and who took legal guardianship of me, I don’t think I would be here today.

My pediatrician told my parents that he didn’t think I’d live to see my 5th birthday, but clearly God had other plans.

As a kid living with HIV, I was assigned a social worker who kept me involved in lots of events for children battling different life-threatening diseases. I attended camp every summer, which gave me the chance to be around other kids who understood what I was going through. We all had our camp “crushes.”

But I would soon find out that dating at camp was a lot different from dating in the real world, and that the dating and hook-up guidelines we follow as a society are not inclusive of someone living with HIV – someone like me. My parents are old-school, African-American, super-religious types, so I never had the sex talk.

My social worker at the hospital didn’t say this to me directly, but in her attempt to educate me on HIV transmission, without realizing it, she led me to believe that I would never be able to have sex or have babies. And there was one huge thing she forgot to prepare me for: stigma.

The next time I learned about HIV, I was a seventh grader in Sex Ed. It terrified me. I remember sitting in a classroom of about 30 kids, with the health educator showing us all these disgusting pictures of sexually transmitted diseases, and lis-

tening to how grossed out everybody was.

When she started talking about my experience, I got really quiet. The pictures she showed didn’t look anything like me. Instead, they were pictures of middle-aged, white, gay men or Africans wasting away.

They were all pictures of people who were really sick or dying; there were no pictures of people who were healthy and living. Everyone left class believing that if you have sex, you could get HIV. And that if you get HIV, you are going to die.

It made me even more afraid to have sex, and it further deepened the notion in my mind that someone with HIV wouldn’t be able to have a normal, healthy sex life.

Throughout the years, I had to learn how to navigate dating and sex with HIV on my own. The only thing I ever learned about disclosure was from my mom, who told me to be careful who I shared my business with because people in this world could be cruel.

Although my mother didn’t mean to, her advice, along with the isolation I was already feeling, further perpetuated stigma. She made me feel like I had something to hide, which in turn created more feelings of fear and shame. I struggled the hardest with stigma in my adolescent years. When I was younger and trying to fit in with the rest of society, it was hard for me to accept my HIV status, because it came with so many different misconceptions.

Dating and maintaining a social life became difficult for me, because of all the ignorance surrounding my experience. I dealt with many fake friends and lovers who would gossip about me and disclose my status to people, with the intent of making me look less attractive. I started to internalize all of the negative things that were being said.

I never thought I’d be able to have kids; I didn’t know what I could do sexually; I didn’t think I would be able to find someone open-minded enough to want

to date me. I watched my mom pass away from AIDS-related illnesses during my junior year of high school, so I never really planned for a future, because I didn’t think I’d live to be the age I am today (33 years strong). I went through this really dark stage in my early 20s, and I almost died from rebelling and not adhering to my medication.

Stigma is killing people more than the actual disease now. Treatment adherence is greatly affected by the stigma. Treatment has come such a long way, and people are able to live long and healthy lives with HIV – if they can get connected to care and stay adherent to HIV medication. It is no longer a death sentence. It is a chronic, manageable illness.

I see it happen often. When someone is newly diagnosed, they internalize that stigma, which can lead to deep depression. They believe their lives are over and they will never be able to lead a normal, healthy life or find love. In my opinion, it’s because they struggle with this sort of pre- and post-diagnosis identity crisis, and being positive becomes hard to accept.

I don’t have a pre-diagnosis identity to refer to, but I do know what it’s like to internalize the stigma that has been programmed into our minds.

The stigma has never sat well with me. Living with HIV is my normal, and I didn’t die. I am still thriving. I had to grow to understand that the insults, judgments and shade that people attempted to throw were actually projections of their own fear, misconceptions, pain and insecurities, and that it had absolutely nothing to do with me.

For so long, I just let people gossip about their perceptions of my reality.

Even today, every time I get up and share my story, I am extremely nervous, and my anxiety starts to kick in. I think it’s because I am experiencing PTSD from all of the stuff that I went through growing up, and remembering all the things

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March, 2020 | ISSUE 309 | Qsaltlake.com

people said about me. But then, as I push through that fear, I experience this sort of liberating sensation. I get to portray my experience in the way that I want to, and I get to change the narrative.

In hindsight, I can’t believe I let stigma keep me silent for so long. Now that I have embarked on this advocacy journey, it is like I am seeing things through a new lens. I have discovered this new world full of people who can either relate to living with HIV, or with other parts of my story.

By remaining silent, I was unconsciously allowing that stigma to thrive in the silence.

Disclosure has been one of the scariest, most difficult things to deal with in my experience. Yes, I have encountered a lot of ignorance and hate, but I have also

found a lot of people who understand me, like me, and love me regardless. Contrary to what people believe about my experience, it has been a blessing in disguise, and I know now that this is a gift. I believe God created me specifically for this purpose: to change people’s perspective on what it means to live with HIV. To know me is to love me, and the beauty in that lies in the fact that my whole being dispels the stigma.

I am a Beautiful Black Queen, and my status doesn’t change that. Q Porchia Dees was born HIV positive in 1986 and is from San Bernardino, California. This column is a project of TheBody, Plus, Positively Aware, POZ, Q Syndicate, and QSaltLake Magazine. Visit their websites for the latest updates on HIV/AIDS.

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26 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

creep of the week

Qsaltlake.com | ISSUE 309 | March, 2020

Steven Hotze

BY DANNE WITKOWSKI

When I

went to the library recently there was a black man, maybe in his 30s, standing outside collecting signatures. Being civic-minded and nosey, I approached him to see what the signatures were for.

“I’m running for Congress and I am collecting signatures to get on the ballot,” he said.

“Ah,” I said. “I see. Are you a Democrat?”

“No,” he replied. “I’m a Republican.”

I waited a beat, expecting him to say he was kidding. “Seriously?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said, smiling. “A lot of people are asking me if I’m joking for some reason.”

For some reason, huh? Whatever could that reason be?

Now, sure, this is a lesson about how we shouldn’t make assumptions based on stereotypes. We shouldn’t. I did and I was incorrect.

But also, I’m not surprised a lot of people were asking him if he was kidding.

A young black man running as a Republican? Especially now, during the reign of Trump, a racist who Republicans are holding up as an infallible God? Look, I understand the argument that in order for the Republican party to stop being a non-stop racist/sexist/ homophobic/misogynist/Islamaphobic horror show where everybody dies but the super rich, they need people working for change on the inside. It’s the whole “big tent” philosophy. It makes sense in theory. In practice? Well, look at the Republican party today. The proof is in the pudding that poor people can’t have pudding because if they wanted pudding they should have worked harder and have had a daddy who would have given them a million dollars as a “small loan.”

Which brings us to the Log Cabin Republicans. Ugh. If the Republican Party wasn’t literally trying to dismantle any gains LGBTQ people have made — and

that’s not to mention their rampant racism, voter suppression and inhumane treatment of immigrants and asylum seekers — then it might actually be kind of pitiful how Log Cabin Republicans keep begging their party for love and acceptance. But considering how high the stakes are, it’s actually kind of frightening.

Recently, LCR asked members of the State Republican Executive Committee to let them have a booth at the Texas GOP Convention, something for which they’ve applied “for at least 20 years without success,” according to the Houston Chronicle.

State party officials said, “No. Homo.”

This surely made Steven Hotze, the CEO of the Conservative Republicans of Texas, very pleased.

Hotze, called a “Republican kingmaker” by LGBTQ Nation, has a long reputation as a foe of LGBTQ people in Texas.

According to the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, Hotze sent emails calling on the State Republican Executive Committee to reject LCR. “The Log Cabin Republicans should not be accepted as an auxiliary of the Republican Party of Texas, because they are part of the radical, homosexual political movement,” Hotze wrote.

And just what do those radical homos want?

“The homosexual political movement wants minority status to be granted to individuals based upon their immoral and perverted sexual proclivities,” Hotze wrote, and they want to teach “children in the public schools that transgenderism and other perverted sexual activities are acceptable and laudable.”

Do LGBTQ people want civil rights and also to be protected from discrimina-

tion? Yeah. Is it because we’re perverted?

No. Do we think that transgender people should also be treated like the human beings they are, especially trans youth who face so much ugliness and hatred?

Yes. Again, sans the pervert stuff.

In case he hadn’t convinced his reader that LGBTQ people are evil, he wrote, “The radical, ungodly homosexual political movement is seeking to create moral anarchy and insanity in our society.”

Whew, that’s a lot and it sounds exhausting. But quite a take that we are the ones creating moral anarchy and insanity from a guy whose party literally just told the president that he can crime all he wants because laws are for suckers.

But don’t worry. Hotze may talk a big game, but what he really wants is to save us from ourselves.

He says “we need to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ with those individuals who are entrapped in this sin, so that they may repent.”

In other words, the Log Cabin Republicans of Texas are welcome as part of the Republican Party of Texas just as soon as they pray to Jesus to forgive them for being such disgusting perverts and to make them heterosexual cowboys.

Of course, there are the Democrats, a party that accepts LGBTQ and advocates for their civil rights. But also a party that wants everyone to have health care and a living wage and for some people, it’s “woah, woah, woah, that’s going too far.

I’ll stick with the party that literally hates me.” Q D’Anne Witkowski is a poet, writer and comedian living in Michigan with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBT politics for over a decade. Follow her on Twitter @MamaDWitkowski.

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March, 2020 | ISSUE 309 | Qsaltlake.com

who’s your daddy

Science proves it: We make great dads

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BY CHRISTOPHER KATIS

It’s strange

to think that there was once a time in this country when single men weren’t allowed to adopt. I imagine it was based on prejudices: first, that only women take care of kids; and secondly, that single men wanting kids were obviously pedophiles. It wasn’t until 1968 that a handful of single men were allowed to adopt. Among them was Bill Jones, thought to be the first gay man to adopt.

It would be another decade before gay couples adopted jointly.

What’s ironic about this history is the growing evidence that same-sex couples may actually be better parents than their straight peers. Kelly has a theory about this: unlike straight people, who can become accidental parents, we usually have to go out of our way to become moms and dads. Therefore, we’re more invested and more resilient. As much as it pains me to admit it, he may be right.

As far back as 2012, LiveScience.com highlighted Clark University psychologist Abbie Goldberg’s research noting that nearly half of straight couple pregnancies are accidental, and that “gay parents tend to be more motivated, more committed than heterosexual parents on average because they chose to be parents.”

But there seems to be more than just planned versus accidental parenthood.

Dana McNeil, licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of The Relationship Place, whom you may remember from last month’s column, practices a form of couples therapy called the Gottman Method.

She says that research shows that both the cultural and social stressors LGBTQ parents face make us more resilient than our straight peers.

Los Angeles-based licensed psychotherapist and co-author of Gay Dads: A Celebration of Fatherhood, David Strah, agrees. “I would say for all LGBT parents there is the added stressor of homophobia or transphobia. This might take the form

of feeling judged for our parenting by non-LGBT parents and family members, or some internalized shame, and the need to prove ourselves as being perfect parents.

The antidote to this is talking about it, recognizing it, acknowledging it and trying to surround ourselves with other positive LGBT parents, families and supportive allies.”

“The ability to overcome the same day-in and day-out problems that all parents experience is often easier for LGBT parents,” McNeil also adds. “Research being done at the Gottman Institute is finding that LGBT couples often hold each other in a more positive perspective than do many straight couples. They use humor, roll with life’s punches, and often let things go more easily — and they’re doing it better than their hetero peers. That support and affirmation is good for their kids.”

And this is having a profound effect on kids of queer parents. Last year, The Washington Post cited a study by several European economists that shows kids with two moms or two dads fare better in school than those with a mom and a dad.

They have higher test scores in elementary school and are nearly seven percent more likely to graduate from high school.

Even with this research, I don’t think that LGBTQ parents are categorically better than straight parents. I know some pretty phenomenal straight moms and dads, and some not-so-great LGBTQ parents. What I think it provides is unbiased, scholarly research about us. That’s important as legislators across the country work to enact laws harmful to gay adoptive and foster parents, often relying on biased, flawed studies to support their actions.

It may have taken 50 years, but science is finally showing the world what LGBTQ people have always known: we make great parents. Q You can reach Dana McNeil, LMFT at sdrelationshipplace. com or facebook.com/sdrelationshipplace/ and you can find David Strah at davidstrah.com.

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28 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

Arts

Qsaltlake.com | ISSUE 309 | March, 2020

Deep Inside Hollywood

BY ROMEO SAN VICENTE

‘The Book of Ruth’ re-opens the book on AIDS Now that the 1980s are officially vintage and the subject of period films, a mini wave of projects about the first decade of AIDS has taken hold: Yen Tan’s indie drama 1985, the documentary How To Survive a Plague, the French ACTUP-themed drama BPM, and FX’s Pose incorporates HIV storylines into its ongoing narrative. Next up: The Book of Ruth, a feature based on the true story of Ruth Coker Burks, an Evangelical Christian single mother from Arkansas who became a caregiver and advocate for gay men with AIDS in the Reagan era.

The film — which currently has no release date — will star Ruth Wilson (His Dark Materials) as Burks and Matt Bomer as a gay man who finds himself in her care. Making his feature directing debut is Tony Award-nominated theater director Michael Arden, with a screenplay from Rebecca Pollock and Kas Graham. Set in 1983, the film will tell the story of Burks’ education and transformation into an activist and ally, something more conservative Christians might think about emulating.

Nathan Lane and Laurie Metcalf hit Broadway

Ruth Coker Burks

It’s been a couple of years now since rumors have circulated about a revival of Arthur Miller’s classic 1949 play Death of a Salesman. The dark drama is one of the great examples of American theater, and actor Nathan Lane has been circling around the main role of Willy Loman for more than a minute. And now it’s really happening. Lane will take on the title role alongside Laurie Metcalf (Roseanne) for a Broadway revival that’s scheduled for spring of 2021. Scott Rudin is producing, Joe Mantello (Angels in America) will direct, and it’ll give Lane a chance to flex the dramatic muscles of his usual comedic instrument. So if all you know of Lane is films like The Birdcage, think about heading to New York next year to indulge in this classic tragedy. After the upcoming election, who won’t want to see a heartbreaking

tale of the American Dream crashing to the ground in a heap of disillusion and despair?

‘Weetzie Bat’s queer L.A. love-blast Filmmaker Justin Kelly has spent his growing body of work exploring the darker fringes of queer life in movies like JT LeRoy and King Cobra. So it was time for a little bit of joy. And there’s nothing quite as joyful as Francesca Lia Block’s classic 1989 YA novel Weetzie Bat. The candy-coated story of a punk-rock girl in Los Angeles named Weetzie Bat, her friends and family, her Secret Agent Lover Man, and the three wishes she’s granted, has been a beacon of glittery literary hope for queer kids for the past 30 years. Years ago there was talk of a Tim Burton version that never materialized, but this time around there’s forward momentum and a cool young cast: Anya Taylor-Joy (The Witch) as Weetzie, Nick Robinson (Love, Simon), Sasha Lane (American Honey), Keiynan Lonsdale (The Flash) and Théodore Pellerin (On Becoming a God in Central Florida). We’re guessing this will be set in the New Wave-iest version of ’80s Los Angeles, just like the book, so if nothing else, we’re probably going to be gagging over the costumes and sets.

‘Legendary’s ballroom credentials If you’re like us, you followed the Twitterstorm over the new HBO Max reality competition series Legendary, which will enter the world of ballroom and judge contestants on their voguing skills. The controversy arose due to, among other things, the hiring of The Good Place actor Jameela Jamil — who is queer but not from the world of ballroom — as host. But mostly missing from this conversation has been something just as important: the show’s inclusion of ballroom veterans who aren’t as famous as Jamil but whose names deserve to be centered.

So let’s talk about Leiomy Maldonado, the first openly transgender contestant on MTV’s America’s Best Dance Crew, who’s additionally a choreographer for FX’s Pose, and who’ll be a Legendary judge. Let’s also talk about Dashaun Wesley, a Pose, Magic Mike XXL and Hit The Floor dancer who’ll serve as Legendary commentator. And let’s also talk about DJ MikeQ, who’s spent years working in ballroom making music and scored the documentary feature Kiki and the Viceland documentary series My House.

We’ll reserve judgement on the final product when we see it, of course, but we still have high hopes for something “truly real.” Q Romeo San Vicente has an attitude and is usually in the mood.

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March, 2020 | ISSUE 309 | Qsaltlake.com

Genderbands to hold first Purple Soirée

On their

fifth anniversary date, Genderbands will host their first gala celebration, Purple Soirée. The evening will include cocktails, awards, performers, and speakers and will raise money for their services to the transgender community.

Genderbands was started in 2015 as a non-profit group raising funds to help transgender men and trans-masculine people get top surgery. They have since started issuing grants to trans-feminine people as well.

Ian Giles, the founder of Genderbands says they are a transfluid FTM transgender person who knows what dysphoria feels like.

“I know how absolutely suffocating it can be to feel trapped in your own body, and I also know how life-altering top surgery is for trans men,” they said. “Genderbands began as a way for me to pay for my own top surgery, and proceeds did help me make that a reality. On July 16, 2015, I was able to receive top surgery from Dr. Charles Garramore.”

Since then, Giles has been raising funds to provide grants to those seeking surgery. Applications are taken at the group’s website, genderbands.org, and issued through the year.

They also offer free chest binders and educational resources on how to use them correctly.

Genderbands hosts many events for transgender people, their friends, and family, along with a Trans Pride. This year the event will take place on August 15.

PERFORMERS FOR THE PURPLE SOIRÉE

RYAN CASSATA is a singer-songwriter, actor, performer, writer, LGBTQ activist, and motivational speaker based in Los Angeles who has been featured in GRAMMY.com, Rolling Stone, Billboard, and The New York Times. He was the first openly trans performer at the Vans Warped Tour and was praised by The Advocate as a “Transgender singing sensation.” Billboard Magazine called him a “true force in the music industry.” Cassata was the focus of the award-winning documentary film Songs for Alexis and will make his feature-film lead acting debut in Two Eyes later this year.

SHEA FREEDOM is a singer-songwriter who advocates for foster youth, human rights, and environmental issues.

Freedom was raised in California’s foster care system where he was subject to 28 different placements. Like 68 percent of foster youth, he emancipated into homelessness. He has since found his home on stages across the nation, traveling via thumb and motorcycle.

MARINA MARQUEZA is a nonbinary singer, songwriter, producer, and visual artist based in Salt Lake City. They are passionate about art as activism and an outlet for healing and make genre-fluid music from the bottom of their gender-fluid heart to affirm others who are marginalized in any way. Her debut album Orbit Pluto is available on all platforms and you can follow them on social media to keep up with new updates.

Poet AIDAN CASTRO is from Dinuba, Calif., and a previous winner of a Genderbands grant. He is currently a first-year student at California State University, Fresno’s MFA

creative writing program with an emphasis on poetry. He writes about his experiences being a transgender man, his childhood, and growing up in the Dinuba countryside. His poem “Hospital” won the 2018 Larry Levis poetry prize at Fresno State. His poems have been published in Symmetry; Flies, Poets, and Cockroaches; the San Joaquin Review; and on poets.org.

IAN GILES will be speak on the growth of Genderbands from a fundraising project to an international service organization in just five years’ time. Giles champions the transgender community and is as an out parent, geek, writer, and entrepreneur. Q T​ he Soirée will take place on March 28 at the Doubletree Airport Hotel in Salt Lake City, beginning at 5:30 p.m. Tickets, tables, and sponsorships can be purchased at genderbands.org/gala.

30 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | Q&A

Qsaltlake.com |

ISSUE 309 |

MARCH 2020

The Madness of Martha Wash

BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI

On her

new album, Love & Conflict, Martha Wash is far removed from her disco days, when she became known as half of The Weather Girls.

With the late Izora Rhodes-Armstead, the duo began their career as Two Tons O’ Fun. They shot to stardom in the early ’80s as The Weather Girls, after releasing one of the biggest gay anthems, “It’s Raining Men.” During her solo career in the 1990s, Wash’s booming voice was infamously used without her permission on dance-pop touchstones like Seduction’s “(You’re My One and Only) True Love” and Black Box’s “Strike It Up” and “Fantasy,” as well as C+C Music Factory’s No. 1 hit “Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now).”

In 2014, Rolling Stone called Wash “the most famous unknown singer of the ’90s.”

Released on her own independent record label, Purple Rose Records, Love & Conflict is a fusion of funk, blues and R&B — “another departure from what people are used to hearing me sing,” she says. But, perhaps more importantly, the record represents Wash’s artistic freedom.

The 66-year-old disco queen recently spoke about breaking out of the dance-pop music mold, singing about dating apps but being too leery to use them, and that time she and iconic gay singer Sylvester literally shook the San Francisco War Memorial Opera House.

How have you kept your voice intact all these years? What are your tricks? I have no tricks! And look, I think over time don’t we all kind of change a bit? (Laughs.) While I am grateful to still be able to sing, you know, the voice changes over time — and I’ve been doing this a long time! (Laughs.)

On “Never Enough Money,” you sing, “Sugar’s waiting in the back, you’re flirting on a dating app…” Are you on dating apps, Martha? No, I am not!

So you’re not speaking from personal experience? No, no. But you hear so much about especially young … well, not even young people anymore! Everybody’s

doing it. It doesn’t matter the age anymore.

People are trying to find love wherever they think they can, and there’s so many different [apps] out there. You see people, their heads just down in their phones with the email, or the dating apps, and things like that. (Sighs.) Hey, technology.

Say hypothetically you did have a Tinder profile. Oh god.

What would you say about Martha Wash in your Tinder profile? Goodness. I like flowers. (Laughs.) Confident.

What would you look for in another person’s profile? Let’s see: A guy that likes to laugh or can make me laugh.

A sense of humor is always good. Sense of humor’s always good ’cause I don’t always have one. (Laughs.) Sense of humor and can deal with my madness. Also somebody who has a strong spiritual background. I’m a homebody, but I also like to travel. Somebody who’s adventurous.

How about TV shows? What do you binge?

Oh god, there’s too many of ’em to count! I have so many TV shows in my library that I have to keep deleting them because I’m almost at 100 percent. Seriously! And there’s still a whole lot of shows and movies that I have not even seen on Netflix or Hulu at all.

You know, I have subscriptions but I haven’t used ’em! So I just have my favorites. I like crime shows, I like medical shows.

So there you have it: We’ve just written your Tinder profile. I have never thought about doing that.

It’s never gonna happen? I’m not gonna say never, but I’m kind of leery of all of that. I really am.

How did “Never Enough Money” come about? It has to do with greed, power, attention and a lot of things we see in the world today, and it’s a right-in-your-face kind of situation; it’s like you wanna turn your head away but can’t. The situations will not let you turn your head away and, for the most part, I want to say it’s negative.

You’re the kind of artist who seems to relish continual artistic evolution. How is Love & Conflict an evolution for you as an artist? It’s just another avenue of the kind of music that I want to be able to record. I’ve PHOTO: LUKE JONES

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ISSUE 309 | Qsaltlake.com

always said I never wanted to be pigeonholed into one particular genre of music.

Everybody knows me for the most part as a dance music artist. I came from R&B and disco and that’s what I listened to as a teenager. But also growing up, I listened to all kinds of music, so I was able to appreciate all different genres of music.

So when I didn’t have a record label, I decided to create my own to put out the kind of music that I felt I wanted to put out. That’s grown so much over the years, in fact. I’ll talk to my manager and he’ll say, “What do you think you wanna do this time?” So he reached out to [producer] Sami Basbous and all the music, the musicians and everything are Canadian.

And we recorded in Montreal.

So it’s basically a Canadian-based album, and he just had some great songs that we put together. And what we came up with was Love & Conflict because we all have or have been through love and conflict, and sometimes it’s on a daily basis, but it’s about how we decide to deal with things. I firmly believe that love always trumps conflict. Love always wins in the end.

Has that always been your motto? Yeah, especially moreso over the years. I’ve always believed that the higher power was always love, and there’s scripture in the Bible about love covering a multitude of sins, so the bottom line is love encompasses all.

When did you feel like you’d first been embraced by the LGBTQ community? Do you recall a specific moment? No, because in school I had gay friends and some of my teachers were gay. It was never a big thing to me. And then when I started singing background for Sylvester, it just continued on but just as a larger group of people. The gay community was always behind Sylvester, and with Izora and I singing background for him there was never any problem, and it just continued over the decades. And I’d have to say that the gay community

has always been the biggest fan base for me.

And you’re no stranger to the Pride circuit.

Is that a special experience for you? Well, (laughs) I think because I’ve been at this for so long it’s just become a natural thing.

You lost a lot of friends during the AIDS epidemic, including Sylvester. How do you reflect on that period of time? Sad. So many people were lost because of fear and ignorance, and I want to say putting a death sentence on the gay community during that time, because everybody was pointing fingers. And all the fingers were pointing to the LGBTQ community, you know. And then on the other side of that, people that were winding up HIV positive, some of them didn’t pay attention, some of them did not listen.

Not even the president at the time, Ronald Reagan, would acknowledge that AIDS was an issue.

And information wasn’t being put out correctly. So there became this big stigma regarding that and the gay community, like they weren’t Christians and this was the wrath of God, that whole kind of madness.

I remember a newspaper article about a black woman who wound up with AIDS, and I’m reading the article and I’m saying

Q&A | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 31

to myself, “OK, what you’re saying is this is a gay disease but this woman was not gay, so how did she wind up with AIDS?” In the media it was all geared toward the gay community and gay men. That was the frustration.

Were you trying to correct that misconception? Yeah. I’d have conversations with my friends: “Well, now they’re saying this in the media but this is happening to somebody who’s not gay so it cannot be just a gay disease, I don’t believe it.”

Can you share a story with me of you and Sylvester that illustrates just how close you were then? Oh god, we would have a lot of fun on the road, between him and Izora and myself and the band. Sometimes we’d all get together and have dinner or just hang out and it would just be madness. (Laughs.) We did have a lot of fun, and then talking and kidding each other and all this other kind of stuff.

Several icons passed on “It’s Raining Men,” including Cher and Diana Ross, and even you and Izora were reluctant to record it.

After you did, when did you know the song had become an LGBTQ anthem? When they snatched it! Absolutely snatched it!

(Laughs.)

How did it become apparent that we snatched it? Well, I think maybe in my mind, in the way back of my mind, when [the song’s writer] Paul Jabara initially said that he wanted us to record the song, I looked at Izora and we said, “You gotta be kidding” and he said, “No, I need to hear you record this song.” I said, “Nobody is going to buy that song.” And I wasn’t particularly thinking at that time of the gay community, I really wasn’t. I was thinking broader. And I said, “Nobody is going to buy that song.” He said, “I need you to record this song.”

He said, “This song is going to be a hit,” and he was right. And I remember sometimes when Izora and I were doing shows he would wind up at the club and he was giving the DJ the acetate of that record. There’s a PHOTO: MIKE RUIZ

32 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | Q&A

12-inch, almost no label on it, and he’d say, “Play this song.” So it became a hit long before radio ever picked up on it.

So it was a hit in the gay clubs first. Oh yeah.

And that was instant. For them. (Laughs.)

In 1990, you famously filed lawsuits against producers and record labels for credit and compensation on hit songs you had sung, which resulted in federal legislation that made vocal credit mandatory. This stemmed from your lead vocal being uncredited on several songs by Black Box, including “Strike It Up” and “Everybody Everybody.” What was the lasting impact of those lawsuits? Well, just to that end, I’d have to say my attorney, Steven Brown, argued some kind of way that became lawful, that any person that is featured on a project has to have their name credited.

That’s a big deal. I can’t imagine how the industry might take advantage of artists now if he hadn’t gone through with that litigation. That’s true. And look, I think some of that stuff still goes on today, you know what I’m saying?

Why do you think that? If there’s a way for people to get around stuff, they’re gonna do it.

Do you know of it happening? I can’t say that I know of it specifically, but I would not be surprised. I think between the parties involved, anything can be done and anything can be said. In the movies, for decades, Marni Nixon was the voice of a lot of the actresses you heard singing in movies and you thought it was their real voice. Well, Marni Nixon did all the singing for these actresses in movies.

I’m curious if ghost singing still happens.

Well, there’s a lot of Auto-Tuning, so maybe not so much ghosting anymore! (Laughs.)

What do you think of Auto-Tune? Look: If it makes me sound fabulous, then I’m OK [with it]. (Laughs.) But I mean, when your whole show is Auto-Tuned — the true test comes with a piano and a vocalist and that’s it. The thing is, in the previous decades, you had real singers.

Regarding the Black Box controversy: Because fashion model Katrin Quinol was seen in videos lip-syncing to your vocals, it seemed the record label didn’t think your body type would appeal to music consumers. Now, we have artists like Lizzo, a plus-size black woman who’s at the top. What do you think of that shift when it comes to body positivity and the way more people seem to be embracing full-figured women now? I think it’s a good thing. First of all, we’re all individuals: We’re all not built the same way, we all don’t look the same way, we all don’t act the same way. So I think it’s great that Lizzo has got this platform now, and she’s doing what she’s doing very well, and she’s the kind of person who doesn’t give a shit about what you think of her. She’s doing her thing, whethPHOTO: LUKE JONES

Qsaltlake.com |

ISSUE 309 |

March 2020

er you like it or not. And everybody has their own preference, but my thing would be: I don’t think size should ever come into play. But we’re such a visual society, especially nowadays with the invention of technology and the internet. Embrace what they do, because everybody’s talent doesn’t come in the samesized package.

So you do recognize that people are embracing a wider range of body sizes more now than they were in the ’70s during the Black Box controversy? Oh yes — going all the way back to Two Tons O’ Fun and singing background for Sylvester, I want to say the record label didn’t necessarily know how to market us. We were two large women — and funny thing is, we were two large women who could sing. And up until that time, you never saw a large woman out in the front, a front vocalist, until you saw us.

Think about it: The only other person I could think of would’ve been Mama Cass from the Mamas & the Papas. You have to go all the way back to the ’70s and the ’60s. The Mamas and the Papas came out in the ’60s. And Mama Cass Elliott was the only one that I knew of or that I could visually see on TV who was large.

So it sounds like you at least appreciate Lizzo. Who are you listening to these days? Actually not too many people.

(Laughs.) I don’t listen to a whole lot of different people.

I’ll hear songs on the radio. I do like H.E.R. But I have to be kind of truthful: I’m an old-school girl. I like old-school R&B, that kind of stuff. And I like oldschool disco music too.

A friend wanted me to ask you if your performance of “You Are My Friend” with Sylvester was really the insanely transcendent performance moment it sounds like it was? Yeah, that place was rockin’. It was so bad that I have to tell you this story: It was the second time, I think, that — I’m not gonna say a rock ’n’ roll band, but a band like Sylvester had performed at the San Francisco War Memorial Opera House. I think the first one was The Pointer Sisters.

And so when we did it, the place was sold out and people just wore whatever they wanted to wear. I saw so many different outfits (laughs).

One guy had both of his ass cheeks out — seriously. I saw another woman who was in a full ball gown. It was just a cross section of people.

Everybody was having a great time, and it was [the song] “Dance (Disco Heat)” we were doing and the place was just going up, to the point that the last balcony started shaking because there were so many people up there. The building was moving and, you know, San Francisco is prone to earthquakes, so the people of the opera house were not too pleased (laughs). I don’t think there’s been another act up in there like that ever again.

As editor of Q Syndicate, Chris Azzopardi has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Cher, Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. His work has also appeared in The New York Times, Vanity Fair, GQ and Billboard. Reach him via Twitter @chrisazzopardi.

SEPTEMBER 19, 2019 |

ISSUE 304 | Qsaltlake.com

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 33

“The best advertising I do”

—JAY HALLSTROM

pages Get in the 2020 directory of Utah’s LGBTQ-friendly businesses today by calling 801-997-9763 or emailing sales@qsaltlake.com

34 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | MONEY

Qsaltlake.com | ISSUE 309 | March, 2020

5 retail replacements that should satisfy your urge to splurge

BY MIKEY ROX

If one

of your New Year’s resolutions is to live better but spend less, consider these retail replacement tips that accomplish just that.

1. Private label organic food vs. major brand organics I buy organic when it makes financial sense or when it’s the only choice I have, but I don’t seek organic labels. Mostly because national-brand organic options are still quite expensive compared to their conventional counterparts, and I’ve eaten non-organic food for the past 38 years of my life so the proverbial “damage” is done at this point. If you’re an organic-food loyalist, however, shopping at discounts grocers like Aldi will help you cut back on the high cost of certified foods — despite that you might have to dig through the expiring produce to find an edible specimen.

2. Expanding your search area when buying a new home I’m not someone who’s going to advocate renting over buying in any case; I wholly believe that home ownership and real estate is one of the last bastions of the American dream. Instead, when searching for a home that has everything you could want, including a sky-high price attached to it, why not consider something equally attractive (if not better) in a different market with lower prices?

Compare property rental and buying prices per square foot between the firstchoice location and the bordering cities or counties (or state, if practical) then calculate transportation costs to work, amenities, family and friends. For example, many people who work in Baltimore City or Baltimore County actually live in Pennsylvania, where they can purchase more house and upgrades for the same or less money than comparable homes and neighborhoods in Maryland.

3. Home furnishing resale shops vs. major furniture retailers

5. Pre-owned electronics vs. new-in-box devices

Before you head out to the big-box stores for your new bedroom or living room set, take a stroll through some of your local furniture resale shops. Sometimes they have hidden gems — better-quality pieces for a fraction of the cost — that can save you a bundle over higher-end retailers’ prices. I always hit up stores like HomeSense and Big Lots, and check the clearance section of IKEA and browse Facebook Marketplace before I ever step foot into a dedicated furniture store.

The result is often something much quirkier, cooler and cheaper than I would have found at a warehouse or department store.

Is it important for you to have a new-inbox phone or tablet, or can you handle a previously owned version, which is in like-new condition, for a huge percentage less than the never-been-used version? If you want to save a substantial amount of money, you’ll opt for the latter. One

4. Stocking up on quality meats and champagne during holiday sales Want to dine like a prince all year round on the budget of a pauper? Stock up on indulgent food items like premium cuts of meat, seafood and champagne during sales, which are popular around the holidays.

Holiday sales events in grocery stores offer you an average of 67% savings on those decadent steaks, whole rib roasts, shrimp, lobster and champagne. These are often loss leaders and featured on the front page of the sales circulars during the week leading up to the holiday. Enjoy the week the sale hits for the holiday event, plus stock your freezer with savings for more splurges in between.

outlet where you can score previously owned, in-excellent-condition devices is Gazelle.com.

These gently used devices go through a 30-plus-point inspection process to make sure that they are as like-new as possible, and can be purchased for a significant savings when compared to buying new.

For example, Gazelle is selling an iPhone 11 64GB starting at $549. New from Apple, the same device would cost $699.

Decent enough difference to consider the refurb. Q Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He currently lives in his van, saving money and traveling the country. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyroxtravels.

DINING GUIDE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 35

March, 2020 | ISSUE 309 | Qsaltlake.com

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36 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS

Qsaltlake.com | ISSUE 309 | March, 2020

PUZZLES | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 37

March, 2020 | ISSUE 309 | Qsaltlake.com

Friend of Elmo

Q doku Level: Easy

6

1 6 7 5 2

8

Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku is actually five separate, but connected, Sudoku puzzles.

1 5 8 3 5 9 1 9 4 2 2 1 8 5 8 6 6 8 9 4 6 1 5 8 3 2 7 9 6 4 1 2 8 7 8 7 9 2 9 5 1 2 9 7 3 8 5 4 5 8 3 6 2 4 7 1 8 9 2 4 4 1 7 8 9

8 9 6 2 6 5 4 3 2 5 1 4 3 5 6 2 2 7 7 1 5 8 9 5 3 2 2 5 4 1 9 4 7 9 8 1 1 4 8 4 9 2 3 6 9 5 8 9

4 9

1

1 7 5 2 1

2 1 7 9 4 6 5 7 4 1 4 3 9

44 “I Got a Name” singer Jim 45 Bette Midler film of ACROSS 1979 1 Peter player on ER 47 Gown worn by 5 Cast Away escape 19-Across to the boat Oscars 9 XXX, to the Greeks 50 River Kwai locale 13 Cafeteria list 51 O’Keeffe collection 14 160 rods 55 Annapolis inst.

15 Chase game 56 “Like ___ lump it” 16 The last part of 57 Ark architect “Semper ubi sub 58 Pounder part ubi,” in English 59 Not hard to get in 18 Memo start bed 19 He won a Tony for playing Lola in Kinky 60 Like Lea DeLaria’s comedy Boots 21 Williams of Ugly DOWN Betty 1 Meat source Down 24 Twin made without Under hetero sex 2 Animated dog 25 Small stream, to 3 Homophobe Pence’s Gomer home (abbr.)

26 Top targets 4 Province of PrideVi28 LBJ’s successor sion watchers 29 Dinah on a beach?

5 R&B singer Lou 31 TV show in which 6 Train that comes 19-Across will quickly appear with Elmo 7 Wear at the edges 36 David Hyde ___ 8 Maryland athlete 37 Egypt and Syr., once 9 Theron of Aileen 39 Rubbed the wrong Wuornos fame way?

10 The African Queen 42 Tim of Rocky Horror director John 11 Have in mind fame PUZZLE SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 30

12 Barneys and others 17 Take a chance 20 Autumn color 21 Remote target 22 Pump with them at the gym 23 Team in A League of Their Own 26 Fruit with a peel 27 Art Deco design name 29 Foe of Peter Pan 30 Bunch of stallions 32 Visitor to Uranus, perhaps 33 Lent a hand to 34 Shared coin 35 Seamen 38 Reuben bread, usually 39 Goes on the fritz 40 Fruit flaw 41 Cyrano’s beloved 42 Camelot’s “___ Moi” 43 Like a bear 45 Smallest nonmonogamous groups 46 Daisy Miller author James 48 Sheriff Taylor’s boy 49 Star Trek_automaton 52 Doze off 53 Not swallow easily 54 Just short

38 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | MARKETPLACE

Qsaltlake.com | ISSUE 309 | March, 2020

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2 9 1 7 5 3 4 8 6

9 2 3 8 7 5 6 1 4

5 8 6 3 4 1 9 7 2

1 7 4 2 9 6 8 5 3

2 4 6 5 1 9 3 7 8

6 7 2 9 4 5 8 3 1

5 8 9 1 2 3 6 4 7

4 3 1 8 6 7 5 2 9

3 4 7 6 8 2 5 9 1 3 1 7 4 8 2 9 6 5

6 5 8 9 1 4 2 3 7 9 5 8 7 3 6 2 1 4

8 2 4 6 5 1 7 9 3 1 8 2 4 6 5 1 3 9 7 2 8

1 9 3 2 7 8 4 5 6 7 3 9 8 1 2 5 6 7 3 4 9

7 6 5 3 9 4 1 8 2 4 5 6 7 3 9 4 2 8 1 6 5

6 3 1 9 4 8 5 2 7

5 2 8 6 1 7 3 9 4

9 7 4 3 2 5 6 8 1

3 1 4 5 7 8 2 6 9 5 7 3 1 4 8 9 2 5 6 3 7

8 6 7 9 4 2 3 1 5 8 9 4 2 7 6 4 1 3 9 5 8

9 5 2 6 3 1 8 4 7 2 6 1 9 5 3 7 8 6 1 4 2

4 9 2 3 6 7 5 8 1 6 7 9 8 2 3 1 5 4

6 8 1 5 4 2 7 9 3 2 4 8 1 5 9 7 3 6

7 3 5 1 9 8 2 6 4 1 3 5 7 6 4 9 8 2

5 6 7 2 3 4 8 1 9 4 9 6 3 8 7 5 2 1

3 2 9 8 5 1 4 7 6 7 2 3 4 1 5 6 9 8

8 1 4 6 7 9 3 2 5 5 8 1 2 9 6 4 7 3

MARKETPLACE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 39

March, 2020 | ISSUE 309 | Qsaltlake.com

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40 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | QMMUNITY

Qmmunity Groups BUSINESS

LGBTQ-Affirmative Psycho-therapists Guild of Utah  lgbtqtherapists.com * jim@lgbtqtherapists.com Utah Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce  utahgaychamber.com * info@utahgaychamber.com LGBT & Allied Lawyers of Utah  lgbtutahlawyers.com * lgbtutahlawyers@gmail.com Utah Independent Business Coalition  utahindependentbusiness.org 801-879-4928 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 YWCA of Salt Lake  ywca.org/saltlakecity 322 E 300 S 801-537-8600 HEALTH & HIV

Peer Support for Mental Illness — PSMI Thurs 7pm, Utah Pride Ctr Planned Parenthood 654 S 900 E 800-230-PLAN Salt Lake County Health Dept HIV/STD Clinic 660 S 200 E, 4th Floor Walk-ins M–F 10a–4p Appts 385-468-4242 Utah AIDS Foundation  utahaids.org * mail@utahaids.org 1408 S 1100 E 801-487-2323

Weber-Morgan Health Mon., Weds 1-4:30p 477 23rd St, Ogden Appt 801-399-7250 HOMELESS SVCS

VOA Homeless Youth Resource Ctr, ages 15–21 880 S 400 W 801-364-0744 Transition Homes: Young Men’s 801-433-1713 Young Women’s 801-359-5545 LEGAL

Rainbow Law Free Clinic 2nd Thurs 6:30–7:30pm UofU Law School, 383 S University St POLITICAL

Equality Utah  equalityutah.org * info@equalityutah.org 175 W 200 S, Ste 1004 801-355-3479 Utah Libertarian Party 6885 S State St #200 888-957-8824 Utah Log Cabin Republicans  bit.ly/logcabinutah 801-657-9611 Utah Stonewall Democrats  utahstonewalldemocrats.org  fb.me/ utahstonewalldems RELIGIOUS

First Baptist Church  firstbaptist-slc.org * office@firstbaptistslc.org 11a Sundays 777 S 1300 E 801-582-4921 Sacred Light of Christ  slcchurch.org 823 S 600 E 801-595-0052 11a Sundays

Qsaltlake.com | ISSUE 309 | March, 2020

Wasatch Metropolitan Community Church  wasatchmcc.org 801-889-8764 Sundays except the 2nd Sunday, 11:15a at Crone’s Hollow, 3834 S. Main SOCIAL

1 to 5 Club (bisexual)  fb.me/1to5ClubUtah  1to5club@

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Alternative Garden Club  bit.ly/altgarden * altgardenclub@gmail.com blackBOARD Men’s Kink/Sex/BDSM education, 1st, 3rd Mons.  blackbootsslc.org blackBOOTS Kink/BDSM Men’s leather/kink/ fetish/BDSM 4th Sats.  blackbootsslc.org Gay Writes writing group, DiverseCity 6:30 pm 2nd, 4th Mondays, Community Writing Ctr, 210 E 400 S Men Who Move  menwhomove.org OWLS of Utah (Older, Wiser, Lesbian. Sisters)  bit.ly/owlsutah qVinum Wine Tasting  qvinum.com Sage Utah, Seniors  fb.me/sageutah  sageutah@ utahpridecenter.org 801-557-9203 Temple Squares Square Dance Club  templesquares.org 801-449-1293 Utah Bears  utahbears.com  fb.me/utahbears  info@utahbears.com Weds 6pm Raw Bean Coffee, 611 W Temple

Utah Male Naturists  umen.org  info@umen.org Utah Pride Center  utahpridecenter.org  info@utahpridecenter.org 1380 S Main St 801-539-8800 Venture OUT Utah  bit.ly/GetOutsideUtah SPORTS

QUAC — Queer Utah Aquatic Club  quacquac.org  questions@ quacquac.org Salt Lake Goodtime Bowling League  bit.ly/slgoodtime Stonewall Sports SLC  fb.me/SLCStonewall  stonewallsaltlakecity. leagueapps.com 385-243-1828 Utah Gay Football League  UtahGayFootballLeague.com  fb.me/UtahGayFootballLeague Venture Out Utah  facebook.com/groups/ Venture.OUT.Utah SUPPORT

Alcoholics Anonymous 801-484-7871  utahaa.org LGBT meetings: Sun. 3p Acceptance Group, UPC,1380 S Main Tues. 8:15p Live & Let Live, Mt Tabor Lutheran, 175 S 700 E Wed. 7p Sober Today, 375 Harrison Blvd, Ogden Fri. 8p Stonewall Group, Mt Tabor Lutheran, 175 S 700 E

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Encircle LGBTQ Family and Youth Resource Ctr  encircletogether.org fb.me/encircletogether 91 W 200 S, Provo, 331 S 600 E, SLC Families Like Ours (ages 2-10)  utahpridecenter.org/ programs/youth-familyprograms/ Gay-Straight Alliance Network  gsanetwork.org Salt Lake Community College LGBTQ+ 8 slcc.edu/lgbtq/ University of Utah LGBT Resource Center 8 lgbt.utah.edu 200 S Central Campus Dr Rm 409 801-587-7973 USGA at BYU  usgabyu.com  fb.me/UsgaAtByu Utah State Univ. Access & Diversity Ctr  inclusion.usu.edu/ lgbtqa Utah Valley Univ Spectrum  facebook.com/ groups/uvuspectrum Weber State University LGBT Resource Center  weber.edu/ lgbtresourcecenter 801-626-7271 Youth Activity Night ages 10-14, 14-20  utahpridecenter.org/ programs/youth-familyprograms/

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BOOK REVIEW | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 41

March, 2020 | ISSUE 309 | Qsaltlake.com

the bookworm sez REVIEW BY TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER

Gay Like Me: A Father Writes to His Son

BY RICHIE JACKSON, C.2020, HARPER, $24.99, 163 PAGES

Like father, like son.

When you were small, people said you looked just like your dad. As you grew up, they said you had his sense of humor or his temper, you laughed alike, you walked alike. Today, you may be close or you may have a chasm of miles or emotion between you, but as in the new book Gay Like Me by Richie Jackson, you’re a lot more like Dad than you think.

From the time he was small, Richie Jackson knew two

q scopes MARCH

BY SAM KELLEY-MILLS

ARIES March 20–April 19

You have a lot of power to influence those who care about you.

Learn the facts and act appropriately.

A different viewpoint will create inspiration. Create some good memories with others and simply relax. While it isn’t easy to get what you want, it is possible that a good time will present itself when needed.

TAURUS Apr 20–May 20

A little passion could help you get past a pesky barrier.

Put trust in your hopes right now. If a long lost dream is coming back into view, this is a great time to pursue it.

Nothing can come from being passive when the opportunities are flying by.

Take life by the horns and get ready for a truly wild ride!

GEMINI May 21–June 20

Take a look at life and see if there is something you’d like to change. While switching it up is not always the answer, there are times when it is simply good to see what is

things: he “felt lucky to be gay,” and he wanted to be a father someday.

“Everything good that has happened to me is because I am gay,” he says – and that includes the birth of his son, born to a surrogate when Jackson was in his thirties. Since then, in the meantime, the sentiment has surely doubled since Jackson’s son came out as gay.

That was his “greatest wish for” his son, that he know the joy of being gay because it’s “a gift.” Says Jackson, he is “thrilled for the flight ahead of you” and “wary of the fight ahead of you” because wonderful things could happen but vigilance is required, and the knowledge that pain sometimes comes from people you didn’t think would hurt you.

Still, Jackson is excited for his son, who is college-age now and who grew up at a time

when AIDS isn’t a death sentence, hiding isn’t mandatory, and so many large battles have already been fought by people at Stonewall, in the military, in marriage equality, and in everyday life. These things give Jackson hope as he launches his eldest son in the world as a gay man, but he has advice….

Know who you are, he counsels, and “never diminish your essence.” Know the heroes who went before you.

Never let your sexuality shame you and never use it to shame others. Know your partner’s HIV status in advance. Don’t fall into the same drugs-and-alcohol trap that’s ensnared so many other gay men. And “vote as if your life depends on it, because it does.”

Is there a modern teenager in the world who takes his father’s advice? Perhaps not, but if he’s a gay young man, he might still be glad to have Gay

possible. Reinventing your image is a good idea at this time of the year so go for it. A relationship with someone you oppose will improve!

Money matters should be kept on a leash, but don’t be afraid to invest wisely in your desires.

CANCER June 21–July 22

You feel good about someone who is hanging around a lot. This could lead to a better or worse outcome. For now, it is best to go with the flow. Act accordingly and more than likely things will work out for the best. If they do not, take comfort in knowing that you’ve learned a lesson no matter what.

LEO July 23–August 22

Your mind is getting in the way of your heart. Finances and work could take over your agenda, but a personal relationship is about to flourish. Separate your feelings if you must, but don’t lose sight of joy. Finding the balance doesn’t always come naturally, but with enough discipline, you can have it all.

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22

Your high structure need will come in handy. Keep grounded and don’t forget how much fun you are wanting to have. What pleasures you have has nothing to do with others, but it doesn’t hurt to have some help.

LIBRA Sept 23–October 22

You are feeling held back by the need to control a crazy situation. A challenging time seems to be ahead, but you shouldn’t worry too much. A close friend or relative could use some help. Support them but don’t lose sight of your own needs as well.

Things have a way of working out if you let them.

SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21

What is giving you hope is a sense of inner discipline and an awakening of the soul. The best kind of news is often no news, but in this case, a hidden blessing is waiting to sprout.

Don’t fear the demands of others, but take them into consideration. You do know best what will work for you.

SAGITTARIUS

Nov. 22–December 20.

Keep clear of a conflict that doesn’t concern you. A couple or group may try to rope you in, but you should stay on the sidelines until the dust clears. A goal you are hoping to accomplish should be the focus, especially if you’ve had it on your mind for a while. Do the best and life can be

Like Me. Written with enthusiasm and gratitude, author Richie Jackson also displays a lot of loving steel hidden in the things he wants his son to know. His advice is fierce, but tempered with the kind of acquired fear that traumatically becomes a part of one’s DNA. In the sweetest of dad-tones, he’s honest, using a pleasedon’t-do-as-I-did warning, heavy on the “please.” He doesn’t just write words to his son, but he penned them about his son, and they’re caressing, but difficult, words that aren’t only for the sake of, or aimed at, one specific, specifically-young man.

You don’t, in other words, have to be young or gay or even a man to enjoy Gay Like Me Mothers of gay teens will want it, fathers and sons alike. Q quite rewarding.

CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19

A sense of urgency should not be ignored. The hardest part of getting motivated is to care, so take time to examine what really matters at this time. Everything will turn out well in the end but there are fires to put out that burn brighter than you know. Invest in finding a climax to the problems.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18

You are getting restless and ready for adventure. Now is the time to get out there see what trouble you can get into. The most fun is to be had in a social situation or a mini vacation. Take friends along if you want but take the reigns. Even if you don’t know what you’re doing, you’ll figure it out as you go.

PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19

Nothing in life is quite what was expected, but that’s okay. This alternative version of your life is real, and it’s bound to make more sense than anything you could have fantasized. The best medicine is the kind that makes you feel better, so find what works and go with it. Life is full of surprises. Q

42 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | SEX

Qsaltlake.com | ISSUE 309 | March, 2020

sex and salt lake city

You’re a Bad-Ass

“You’re

BY DR. LAURIE BENNETT-COOK

a BadAss!” I’ve never been so affected by that statement as the other day.

Not long ago I was fighting a cold and kind of moody.

My partner was being overly kind and understanding, which weirdly made me even moodier. But the offer to go to lunch at a local Mexican restaurant for some comfort food couldn’t be passed up.

While waiting for our deliciousness and snacking on chips and salsa, a young woman walked in and confidently sat a table adjacent to ours appearing to be waiting for someone. Not long after, another younger woman walked in. She appeared nervous and tentatively walked over to the table where the first woman was sitting.

My partner and I thought we were witnessing a first date but it quickly became ap-

parent they were siblings. We went about our own meal and they went about theirs. But at one point, as though preplanned on some movie set, the restaurant got quiet. At that instant, we couldn’t help but overhear the nervous one of the two state: “I don’t think anyone in the family would understand me. I’m gay.” My partner and I both stopped mid-bite and looked across the table at one another. Without skipping a beat and without changing her composure, the older sister enthusiastically stated: “You’re a Badass! No matter what others say, I have your back.” To which my partner and I, continuing to look at one another with closed-mouth-smiles full of food (we were now unable to chew) tears silently streamed down both our cheeks.

After that moment the demeanor of the second sibling now matched the first and

their conversation shifted to lightheartedness and laughter.

My partner, being a medical provider, and I working in therapy, have spent our careers holding space for others to come out — whether it’s coming out regarding gender, sexual orientation or an unconventional relationship configuration. That moment when someone shares their innermost self, the self they’ve worked so hard at hiding from the rest of the world, that self who is the very core of their being, that moment is sacred.

I wasn’t always this evolved.

Thirty years ago when my own sibling came out to me I didn’t understand the significance of him confiding in me or the courage it took to do so. I was flippant and dismissive. Unknowingly, my casualness was hurtful. Here was this person whom I’d always considered a best friend, and I didn’t give him the care and thoughtful understanding he needed and deserved.

I wished I’d known then there are some important steps in supporting someone when they’re courageously coming out: Don’t make it about yourself. I missed this step when my sibling came out. The woman at the table adjacent from me didn’t miss this point at all. “You’re a Badass!” Was her enthusiastic response and then proceeded to let her sibling guide the rest of the conversation.

Ask the right questions.

People are often met with questions like: “When did you know you were gay/trans/ poly, etc.” This question is moot and is as nonsensical as asking a straight/cisgender/

monogamous person when they just “knew” all those aspects about themselves. Better questions to ask are: “How can I be a support system for you?” “Are there any events you’d like to attend that I can go as an ally with you?” “Is there another name, pronoun, orientation you’d like me to use when referring to you?”

Being genuinely affirming is powerfully healing to another person.

Don’t ask “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” This not only makes it about you but devalues the courage that it’s taken for the person to come out in a way, at a time and to whom, they felt comfortable.

More than likely, they’ve been thinking about this moment for a very long time and have circled every possible conversation scenario in their head.

Trust that you’re being told when they feel safest to do so.

Recognize the bravery it takes to be authentic. We live in a world that is full of conformity. From the way we dress, the schools we attend, the people we hang out with, to the cars we drive, nearly everyone, in some way, is seeking acceptance from others.

Be the one who accepts nonconformity in others. Don’t underestimate the power of sitting across from someone and reminding them they are a BadAss. Q Dr. Laurie Bennett-Cook is a Clinical Sexologist with a private practice in Salt Lake City Utah. She can be contacted at DrLaurieBennettCook@gmail.com She also runs the non-profit Sex-Positive Utah at meetup.com/SEX-POSITIVE-UTAH, a community focus on education, outreach, and acceptance for people of all gender identities, all sexual orientations, and all relationship configurations.

ADVICE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 43

March, 2020 | ISSUE 309 | Qsaltlake.com

ask mr. manners

Vacation: The best cure

BY ROCK MAGEN

I recently

had the opportunity to go on an ‘off-season’ vacation to Italy. It was wonderful, but that is not the point. The point is that I was initially scared to take the vacation because I was worried about taking time off of work. When I shared this concern with an Italian, they were shocked.

My time in Italy taught me that the United States doesn’t have a strong vacation culture.

Unlike every other developed nation in the world, the U.S. has no mandated number of days off for employees. About one-fourth of American workers get no paid vacation at all. Those whose employers offer it receive an average of about 10 days a year. And 54 percent of American workers didn’t even use the days off they earned.

Doing some research, I learned that men who don’t take vacations were 30 percent more likely to have a heart attack and for women, it went up to 50 percent! Those numbers even held true even after researchers took into account other health factors like diabetes, cigarette smoking, income levels, and obesity. The conclusions from the study have been backed up by other similar research studies and show how the body reacts to a lifestyle of stress. This is real evidence that vacations are important to your physical health!

I grew up with parents who didn’t receive a lot of vacation and often were too busy to take time off. When I started

working myself, I realized that I didn’t know what to do with my time off because I never learned it from my parents.

It’s hard to value something that’s never been experienced.

How do we fix this? It might sound strange, but vacations take practice.

How do you get in the vacation habit? Like any other goal, it requires planning. If you are like me, the key reason I struggle with not taking vacations is that I don’t feel I can leave work. But, I have learned that it can be done with proper organization.

Start by blocking your calendar to actually schedule time for a trip. Once the vacation is on your schedule, even if it’s six or eight months away, you can organize around it. Look at your workflow to clarify your priorities, delegate, and talk openly with your colleagues about your time off. This will help prevent it from being an unexpected surprise when you’re out of town. Although it can be a bit time consuming, planning will force you to prioritize your goals over time and can be a net benefit, helping you work smarter and more efficiently.

Start viewing vacation time as a non-negotiable — like the dentist or yearly checkup, it’s a vital part of your health care, so start treating it as such. Just like any other habit, this takes time — but this is something that I have a feeling you will enjoy. Now, go block some time and start planning your getaway. Who knows, maybe our paths will cross abroad! Q

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44 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FRIVOLIST

Qsaltlake.com | ISSUE 309 | March, 2020

the frivolist

8 things that’re getting on my GD nerves right now

BY MIKEY ROX

The year’s

just started, but there are a few things I need to get off my chest.

1 The high price of underwear

Like any other red-blooded gay American male, I care about the underwear I put on my juicy booty — but there’s a limit to how much I’ll pay. Have you seen these prices lately? A pair of MeUndies briefs will set you back $24; $28 for a pair of Mack Weldon AIRKNITx boxer briefs; and a whopping $30 for one pair of 2(X) IST’s graphic micro no-show trunk. Sexy, comfortable underwear doesn’t have to break your budget, however. My secret is shopping the underwear section of Calvin Klein clearance outlet stores — hard to come by, but you can locate them on the Simon Premium Outlets website — where I recently copped a dozen pairs of butt-hugging, package-plumping, moisture-wicking boxer briefs for about $4 each.

2 Weddings

I recently attended a wedding that featured a pre-ceremony welcome reception followed by the ceremony followed by a post-ceremony cocktail hour followed by a seated dinner followed by dancing followed by an end-of-evening snack reception. An 8-hour affair that left me fat, angry, and exhausted. Enough al-

ready. What happened to good old-fashioned eloping that didn’t require anyone to give up their hard-earned lazy Saturday? My one resolution this year is to attend zero weddings. So far, so good.

bringing their 3 Parents kids to breweries

Boy did I open a can of worms when I asked Facebook whether or not children should be allowed at breweries. Sides were taken; mud was slung. Unsurprisingly, most parents agreed that bringing children to family-friendly breweries was acceptable while those of us of higher evolution — the LGBTQ people and other non-breeders — thought it appropriate to dropkick anything under three feet tall that came near our micro-IPAs.

people 4 Random “accepting” who I am

How many times have you heard, “I just want to let you know I accept you”? Happened to me the other day at a restaurant while having a conversation with a perfect stranger after I told a story that included my boyfriend. I mean, I guess it’s a nice sentiment, but also fuck you, Karen.

5 Politics on social media

Is it never not election season on social media? Republicans sharing wildly inaccurate OP H information; S W NE democrats bitching, moaning and complaining about every CONSIGNMENT AND SO MUCH MORE! perceived injus66 S MAIN ST, BOUNTIFUL tice under the 801-299-1515 sun. Ridiculous.

OPEN TUES–FRI 10AM–6PM SAT 10AM–4PM Meanwhile, everybody’s in debt M AINSTEMPORIUM.COM while our elected M MAINSTEMPORIUM P 66SOUTHMAIN

officials laugh all the way to the bank.

My advice? Hoard as much cash as you can and go off-grid. That’s the only way you’ll ever feel true peace and happiness.

that advertise 6 Websites sold-out items

I fall in love with an item that Instagram thinks I have to have just to be told that it’s sold out when I try to put it in my cart. Why is it still live online if it’s no longer in stock?? I understand why some people go on rampages now.

crossing the street 7 People in green slow as fuck

You slow down because you’re a decent human being and these ingrates move at a glacial pace and then have the nerve to look you right in the eye as they do it. Is it considered vehicular manslaughter if my foot slips?

8 Winter

Jesus Christ, January was long. If you hate winter as much as I do, take a February vacation. I’m a super fan of riding Amtrak because fares are affordable (especially with your tax refund), and you can easily travel to bright, mood-boosting destinations like New Orleans, Los Angeles, Orlando, and highly underrated San Antonio. Treat yo’self. Q

Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He currently lives in his van, saving money and traveling the country. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyroxtravels.

SEPTEMBER 19, 2019 |

MONEY | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 45

ISSUE 304 | Qsaltlake.com

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46 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD

Qsaltlake.com | ISSUE 309 | March, 2020

the perils of petunia pap smear

The tale of a dizzy queen

BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR

The road

home from bingo is fraught with danger

and excitement.

A few months ago, I was dead tired after a rousing evening of bingo with the Matrons of Mayhem. On that particular night, I chose to wear pink glitter to color coordinate with my dress. I jumped into the shower to begin the glitter removal process.

Despite my best efforts, typically I discover residual glitter infesting my persona for two to three days after each bingo.

On this occasion, upon looking in the mirror after the shower, I was horrified to discover that the pink glitter had left a bright pink stain in the shape of a handlebar mustache on my face. I thought to myself, well at least I don’t have to go out in public on Saturday and, hopefully, the stain will be gone by the time I go to church on Sunday.

Later, unable to fall asleep because of all the excitement, at 2 o’clock I found myself comfortably ensconced within the basement glitter dungeon of Chateaux Pap Smear with a dozen chocolate-covered donuts and a pitcher of Diet Coke sitting strategically within my reach, while I conducted some on-line shopping for a new caftan. After about an hour of Googling, I decided to take a break. I sat on the sofa and turned the TV to Golden Girls reruns.

Being the aged dowager damsel fossil that I am, I immediately drifted off to sleep, in the sitting-up position.

7pm, most third Fridays First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E fb.me/matronsofmayhem

Something awakened me, probably something Sophia said. As I tried to look at the TV to see what had woken me, I felt a little dizzy. I closed my eyes a couple of times and by then the room was spinning around like a carousel. I laid down on the couch, in case I was having a head rush experience. It only got worse. I tried to stand up and fell over, luckily landing on the couch. I began to be nauseous. I stood up again to go to the bathroom since I felt like throwing up. I couldn’t stand. I crawled to the bathroom and held onto the toilet with all my might, lest I be thrown from the planet from the centrifugal force of the spinning. I held onto the porcelain throne for a good 20 minutes. It was only getting progressively worse.

Oh, My Hell! I thought I’m was having a stroke.

I slowly crawled on my hands and knees upstairs to the bedroom where Mr. Pap Smear (M.P.) was soundly sleeping. I kneeled at the side of the bed, in a “prayer position” and poked M.P. awake and squeaked, “There’s something wrong!”

He arose from bed and helped me sit in the reclining chair. I held onto the arms of the chair for dear life, lest I fly away.

I had to keep my eyes shut to lessen the spinning effect. It was at this point that nausea reached a climax and I began to wretch. M.P. quickly grabbed the garbage can and thrust it in front of me to catch the vomitus glitter spray. I begged him to call 911.

Within 10 minutes, at least four handsome paramedics were at my side. I opened my eyes just enough to appreciate how hot these men in uniform were. It just so happened that the hottest one began to take my vital statistics. As he held my hand to take my pulse, he remarked that my pulse was racing. Well duh! Look who is holding my hand. He did several other tests, necessitating him putting his strong sensuous hands all over my body. As he examined me, I hoped to gaze longingly into his beautiful soul-searching eyes. At

the very moment he was looking into my eyes with a flashlight, before I could lock my “take me I’m yours” look onto him, I barfed into the trash can on my lap. He patted my cheek in sympathy and gave me an anti-nausea pill. All I could think was that I was so grateful that I was out of wig, makeup, bra and caftan before they saw me. My worst fear is that I have a medical issue while in full drag.

He said that I should go to the emergency room to get checked out. They said that M.P. could drive me, and that they would help get me out to the car. So, we enacted every queen’s dream of having two handsome men in uniform escort me, holding onto my arms as I walked out to Queertanic. All the while I’m clutching the trash can to catch my glittery discharge. Holy shit! The ride to the hospital was worse than riding Big Thunder Mountain Railroad.

In the ER I was ever-sa-grateful the doctor was another stunning specimen of mankind. More hand holding and touching ensued. Pulses raced again! While he was shining a light in my eyes, he said, with great concern in his voice, “Just what have you been doing to have a pink mustache stain? Does your perspiration always sparkle like glitter?” Oh boy, here we go…!

He ended up prescribing Dramamine and sent me home.

This story leaves us with several important questions: 1. Could I become famous if I begin filming glitter removal videos for YouTube like Dr. Pimple Popper?

2. Is it just me or is the ratio of hot men in the medical profession higher than the general public?

3. Did the EMTs recommend that I go to the ER mostly because of the pink stains?

4. How much did my holding of the garbage can diminish the romance of the uniformed escort to the car?

5. Should I begin carrying a bedazzled purse just for catching glitter spew?

6. Should Lagoon build Petunia’s Big Thunderous Breasticle Railroad?

These and other eternal questions will be answered in future chapters of The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear. Q

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