QSaltLake Magazine - Issue 324 - June (PRIDE) 2021

JUNE, 2021 VOL. 18 • ISSUE 324 QSALTLAKE.COM

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NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 9

JUNE, 2021 | ISSUE 324 | Qsaltlake.com

news The top national and world news since last issue you should know

BY CRAIG OGAN

Halston, straight washed During his heyday, fashion designer Halston dressed A-list stars who included Anjelica Huston and Liza Minnelli. He also was part of the glamor of the Studio 54 era in New York City in the 1970s and 80s. He died of AIDS-opportunistic lung cancer at age 57 in 1990. Netflix and Ryan Murphy are bringing the era to the streaming screen with a biopic, “Halston,” starring Scottish actor Ewan McGregor. The limited series will show Halston’s relationships with his LTR, Victor Hugo, and other trysts, but it won’t be the focus. That gives McGregor comfort in his concern that a straight man is playing a person who made no secret of his queer sexuality during his lifetime. “Halston” began streaming in May.

Jenner: no to transgender girls Caitlyn Jenner, the former Olympic champion and reality TV personality now running for California governor in the Newsom Recall election, said she opposes transgender girls competing in girls’ sports at school. Jenner, a 1976 decathlon Olympic gold medalist in the men’s decathlon and came out as a transgender woman in 2015, said it’s “a question of fairness.” Jenner thinks there is an unfair physical advantage

allowing transitioned girls to compete against cis-gendered girls. The statement is at odds, a bit, with Jenner’s declaration of “transgender kids, I have your back” made while accepting the “Arthur Ashe” Courage award from ESPN in 2015. Current polls show 6 percent of Californians and 13 percent of California Republicans support Jenner’s bid to replace Gov. Newsom.

WNBA Nuptials WNBA star Breanna Stewart, the former league MVP, announced she’s engaged to girlfriend Marta Xargay, a Spanish professional basketball player. Already the recipient of a WNBA championship ring, Stewart presented her betrothed an engagement ring and showed a pic of the proposal with Stewart on bended knee on Instagram with the caption, “Did a thing. Another ring. She said YES.”

Don’t fly Rainbow Flag at Embassies That irrepressible congressional scamp, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA), is co-sponsoring a bill that would ban U.S. embassies from flying Pride flags, a practice started in 2014 but discontinued in 2019. Embassies were allowed to fly the rainbow flag with special permission from the Secretary of State. In 2021, the new Secretary of State Anthony Blinken decided such decisions could be made by the resident ambassador — no permission required.

SF: First lesbian married couple home a city landmark San Francisco designated the Noe Valley cottage belonging to a lesbian couple who were the first same-sex partners in the city to legally marry as a

city landmark. It is the home of the late lesbian activists Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin.

According to architectural historian Shayne Watson, the home provided a place for lesbians to hang out and dance and have holiday potlucks beginning in the 1950s.

Watson specializes in LGBTQ heritage conservation and was active in getting the home landmarked. Martin and Lyon co-founded the “Daughters of Bilitis,” a political and social organization for lesbians.

Ellen says “Bu-bye” Ellen DeGeneres announced her eponymous daytime talk show will end production of the multiple Emmy-winning show in 2022 at the end of its 19th season. The talk show was groundbreaking but has encountered some bumpy publicity ranging from staff complaints of Ellen’s behavior, unsafe working conditions during the COVID lockdown, and her championship of comedian Kevin Hart during criticism of troubling tweets which kept him from hosting the Oscar ceremony.

Ellen cited creative burnout as her reason. “When you’re a creative person, you constantly need to be challenged — and as great as this show is, and as fun as it is, it’s just not a challenge anymore,” DeGeneres said. Her spouse, actress Portia De Rossi, pushed for Ellen to “move on” from the show. She did in the spirit of “happy wife, happy life.”

Gay Bachelor an unreal reality Colton Underwood left the hereto-normative “Bachelor” series because he was afraid of being “outed” as a gay man.

The former football player said a visit to a gay spa in Los Angeles last year and a

blackmail attempt started him thinking about coming out.

With a straight face, Underwood said in 2019 he visited the spa “just to look” and he “should have never been there.” A spa patron photographed the nude Underwood while he was “just looking” and threatened to send pics to the media. He also admitted to using Grindr with a fake profile in 2016. Whether he was just looking or not, he was concerned one of his hook-ups would out him. His hook on “The Bachelor” was his virginity and Christian upbringing. He says going forward his friend, out-Olympian Gus Kenworthy, will be his “guide” to living life as a gay man. Raffy Ermac, the editor of “Pride,” noted the problematic stalking allegations from Underwood’s ex-girlfriend, writing, “We shouldn’t be glorifying someone who has this history of allegedly stalking a woman.”

Montana federal judge: enough is enough A federal judge ruled a man convicted of having gay sex would not have to register as a sex offender. The man, now 45 years old, was convicted under Idaho’s “Crimes Against Nature” law when he was 18 years old for gay sex with teen friends. After serving seven years in prison and being released on probation, he was required to register as a sex offender in Idaho. He moved to Montana in the mid-2000s and the requirement to register followed him across state lines. The federal court ruled the requirement to register is unconstitutional and that someone who is having consensual sexual contact with someone of the same sex does not pose a threat to public safety. The Montana Attorney General is appealing. Q

10 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

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ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

Utah Supreme Court rules in favor of transgender marker cases Forty months ago, two transgender Weber County residents went to the Utah Supreme Court after being denied gender marker changes on their birth certificates.

Judges across the state routinely grant such changes, but Second District Judge Noel Hyde ruled in both cases that Utah law was not specific enough for him to rule in favor of the changes.

The Court ruled May 6 that appellants Angie Rice, a transgender woman, and Sean Childers-Gray, a transgender man, can modify their driver licenses, birth certificates, and other state documents to reflect the gender with which they identify, saying the judge who declined their initial request based his decision on “a legal mistake.”

Lawyer Christopher Wharton, who represented Rice and Childers-Gray in the appeal, said this was a victory for all transgender Utahns, as well as those who are intersex and nonbinary.

“It makes clear the role of the judiciary is to rule on the petitions that come before them and to rule on them on the merits,” he said. “This means that any client, anywhere in the state of Utah, who wants to have their name and gender change, that decision will be made on the merits and it’s not going to be based on which county they live in or which judge gets assigned to their case.”

Wharton represented Rice while she was first working through the legal system to get a judge’s approval to change state documents to reflect her gender identity.

Childers-Gray attempted the process on his own, and was referred to Wharton in the final stages. Wharton said he’s successfully represented dozens of people in the process, but only Second District Judge Noel Hyde deny the requests.

Wharton then decided that their cases would be the perfect ones to appeal to the Utah Supreme Court to “get clarity on this very important question.”

The Court heard arguments on the appeal in January of 2018. Such a long waiting time was unusual, Wharton said.

“Most appellate cases take about six months to get resolved,” Wharton said. “But in this case, it appeared that one judge’s concerns that there was no opposing party in the appeal stalled the proceedings.”

Wharton said that they approached the Supreme Court asking for them to rule that what the vast majority of judges throughout the state were using as a “near-uniform” standard to decide on the individual cases.

Rice and Childers-Gray both said that the long wait for the ruling was emotionally taxing and neither were sure that the day would ever come.

According to the court ruling, in denying a petition for a change of legal sex designations, because the court supposed such a decision was a legislative prerogative that “The district court was mistaken in its supposition. A person has a common-law right to change facets of their personal legal status, including their sex designation. In recognition of this right, the Utah legislature has statutorily declared that, as a matter of the public policy of this state, when a person born in this state has a name change or sex change approved by an order of a Utah district court.”

“Today, we provide a plain-meaning interpretation of the duly enacted law allowing individuals to change their sex designations. In the process, we explain that Mr. Childers-Gray and Ms. Rice met the requirements — articulated by us today but rooted in common law and applied by Utah district courts and other authorities — for their sex-change petitions to be approved,” Justice Himonas wrote in his opinion.

“The Utah Fair Housing Act addresses how one can show their gender identity: A person‘s gender identity can be shown by providing evidence, including, but not limited to, medical history, care or treatment of the gender identity, consistent and uniform assertion of the gender identity, or other evidence that the gender identity is sincerely held, part of a person‘s core identity, and not being asserted for an improper purpose,” the ruling of the court reads.

Judge Hyde wrote while denying Sean Childers-Gray his gender marker change in December of 2016, that Utah law was not specific enough to allow a judge to rule in favor of a gender marker change.

“Regardless of the sincerity or intensity of the desire of any individual to display

any particular physical appearance, some biological facts are not subject to voluntary modification,” The Supreme Court then remanded the cases back to the District Court, ordering it to “approve the sex designation changes.”

Wharton released a public statement on the case.

“We are grateful to the Utah Supreme Court for upholding the dignity of our clients and affirming their right to live open and authentic lives.

“While today’s decision is a long time coming, the analysis and the result are nothing radical. The Utah Supreme Court ratified the workable standard that the vast majority of Utah judges have used for decades regarding name and gender changes.

“Our firm is proud to advocate for the rights of LGBTQ Utahns like Angie and Sean and, from this moment forward, we will be able to tell them that no matter which county they live in or in which courtroom they appear, they will be treated with equal justice.

We want to congratulate Angie and Sean for having the courage and the stamina to take on this fight. This should have been an easy case. There were plenty of times when you could have given up hope.

But you both moved forward with poise and conviction. I admire you both and we are honored to serve as your counsel.” Q

JUNE, 2021 |

ISSUE 324 | Qsaltlake.com

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 11

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ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

Utah Pride Center opens search to replace outgoing executive director Dr. Robert Moolman, executive director of the Utah Pride Center, asked the group’s board of directors to begin a search to replace him. In a letter to the board, Moolman said that he would stay on as E.D. until a replacement has been found and a transition made.

“As I make the request for the search to begin for the person to take what we have built to the next level, my commitment and dedication to the board and the team of people we have at the Center continue. I will remain as long as the Center needs me and as long as it takes to ensure a smooth transition, maintaining the continued essential work of the Center,” Moolman wrote.

Chris Jensen, chair of the

group’s board, thanked Moolman for the work he put into building the Center.

“The Utah Pride Center Board and staff thanks Dr. Rob Moolman for his service and important life-saving work. During his tenure as executive director/CEO, Rob was instrumental in reshaping the course and trajectory of the Center, leaving it in a stronger position and able to better meet the needs of Utah’s LGBTQIA+ community,” Jensen wrote. “Rob helped usher in a revamped and massively popular and important SAGE program, [and] brought in a formal Education and Training Department focusing on schools and teachers in Utah. He was excited by the Queer History society and has been passionate

about the People of Color program, which also started in his tenure. Rob constantly strived to develop relationships with broader community stakeholders through events like the Qmmunity Brunch, the LatinX Round Table, and others.

He was successful in bringing a more diverse community and staff to the UPC. We look forward to a community-involved nationwide search for our next executive director/ CEO.” The Utah Pride Center is in its 29th year with a declared vision to ensure “a thriving LGBTQ+ community in Utah.”

Jensen said the search for Moolman’s replacement will be done in “a manner that befits the gravity and importance of this position and of this space.”

A sub-committee of the organization’s board with representation from a wide variety of stakeholders, including diverse community members and voices, ex-board members and chairs, donors and executive directors, and leaders from other non-profits will conduct the nationwide search.

“The search will have both a national focus and a community focus, with the intent to ensure a wide and diverse pool of candidates,” Jensen said. “In this regard, the Utah Pride Center will also be working with Centerlink, the national body representing and advising Pride Centers, on successful recruitment

strategies and processes.”

When a group of candidates is found, local LGBTQ+ community listening panels or focus groups will be gathered to meet the final candidates and to provide insight to the process and to include their voices.

The final important decision, Jensen said, will be up to the board of directors as mandated by the group’s bylaws.

Reporting directly to the board of directors and working closely with the Center’s executive team, the future executive director/CEO will develop and implement the strategic vision for the organization, and ensure the growth of its diverse 15-person team and its $1.5 to $2M budget.

The role includes the general management and strategic planning for the Center, as well as fundraising, business development, and program management.

When the full job description is ready, it will be posted on the Utah Pride Center website.

An Equal Opportunity employer, the group says it will strongly encourage candidates of color and diverse gender identities, people with disabilities, as well as non-LGBTQ+ persons, to apply. Q Moolman’s letter to the community can be found on page 20. More info at UtahPrideCenter.org

JUNE, 2021 |

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 13

ISSUE 324 | Qsaltlake.com

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ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

More tensions at BYU as professor calls gay student a Mormon term for Antichrist A Brigham Young University professor has apologized after calling a gay student a Book of Mormon term associated with an anti-Christ.

Hank Smith, a prominent assistant teaching professor in BYU’s Department of Religious Education, made the comment on Twitter last month after voicing his opinions about sex therapist Natashe Helfer and other women excommunicated by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which owns the university.

Helfer was excommunicated over her positive opinions on masturbation and same-sex relationships.

Things became heated after Smith tweeted that those who left the faith were “leaving the doctrine as well.” He received criticism from a number of women, which led Smith to brand them nonbelievers and encouraged his followers to do the same.

Vocal gay BYU student Calvin Burke, a practicing Mormon, responded by tweeting an apology for Smith’s comments.

“On behalf of Mormonism, I apologize for Hank Smith,” Burke wrote.

Smith responded by calling Burke “Korihor,” a term from the Book of Mormon associated with the anti-Christ. In the book, he is punished by God, who renders him mute, and a crowd kills him by trampling him to death.

The backlash was immediate, and Smith deleted the tweet and issued an apology.

“I do need to apologize for calling Cal what I did,” Smith tweeted. “I deleted the reply.

That was unjustified and unfair. My emotions got the better of me. I am very sorry.”

Students at BYU urged the school to condemn Smith’s remarks, with Carolyn Gassert, incoming president of BYU’s unofficial LGBTQ student club, saying Smith’s tweet was “terrifying for other students who are gay.”

An online petition was started demanding Smith’s ouster as professor.

“Professor Smith should be terminated. He apparently does not understand that Korihor had no theology; he did not believe in God. Professor Smith destroyed the trust bond that is crucial when attempting to build relationships with students and the community. He marginalized a committed, faithful, and independent-minded Latter-Day Saint. Professor Smith is not capable of leading religion courses at Brigham Young University,” the petition read.

Gassert said by not speaking out against it, BYU was setting a precedent “that professors could attack students for being gay and not face any repercussions.”

BYU assistant professor Hank Smith. Photo via Instagram

No BYU professor has ever faced disciplinary action for harassment of an LGBTQ student. The school has a long history, however, of punishing or terminating faculty that defend LGBTQ students.

The school administration said it “wouldn’t be able to comment on an individual situation,” but a BYU spokesperson told reporters that the school has “processes in place to address personnel matters.

These are handled on a confidential basis.”

Burke says he has begun receiving death threats over the exchange. Korihor is also a term used by the alt-right DezNat movement, a group of fundamentalist Mormons that oppose rights for women and frequently target the LGBTQ community for harassment.

Members of the group began targeting Burke after Smith’s use of the term. Burke has since made his Twitter account private and declined to

comment to reporters.

Earlier this year, LGBTQ students at BYU illuminated a giant school sign in the colors of the Pride flag in protest over guidance issued to students instructing them that homosexuality was incompatible with its teachings.

In February 2020, BYU removed a passage banning “all physical intimacy that give[s] expression to homosexual feelings” from the school’s Honor Code in February 2020.

Its removal led to multiple LGBTQ students coming out or openly sharing affection with one another on campus, believing the school finally accepted them.

However, on March 4, 2020, BYU reiterated that, while it had removed the anti-gay passage from its Honor Code, same-sex intimacy is still considered “not compatible” with the university’s “principles.” Q

Project Rainbow grants three Southern Utah groups Three Southern Utah organizations received grants from Project Rainbow to fund events or projects that help increase LGBTQ visibility.

Project Rainbow raises funds to promote inclusivity and LGBTQ visibility by staking flags across the state in observance of various holidays such as Pride Week. Last year, the project raised $55,000 for a

community fund, and $10,525 was given to 21 Utah projects and events as grants.

Pride of Southern Utah, RedRox Music Festival, and the LGBTQ Brunch and Resource Fair were awarded grants this year.

The Brunch and Resource Fair works to connect young people ages 14–25 in Southern Utah to jobs and resources.

Pride of Southern Utah has held festivals in St. George in September since 2016 and has tripled in size since its first year.

RedRox Music Festival — formerly the Redrock Music Festival — will take place on Nov. 5-6 this year in Springdale for the first time.

Information for Project Rainbow can be found at projectrainbowutah.org

JUNE, 2021 |

ISSUE 324 | Qsaltlake.com

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 15

Rally to support students held on Utah’s Capitol Hill

The Utah law governing student-led clubs can make it challenging for LGBTQ+ students to organize. Few schools in Utah have gay-straight alliances, and even fewer have strong groups that last year after year.

Alli Martin, the co-founder of Friends, Allies, and Mentors of the LGBTQ+ Community, or FAM, wants to draw attention to the problem.

“Our main message is one of support for LGBTQ students, staff, and families,” Martin told the Ogden Standard-Examiner.

“We want them to know that despite a lot of public attacks on their identities, they are not alone — we stand with them and for them and believe they matter in this world and in their schools.”

Some Utah schools have GSAs or other clubs meant to help lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer or questioning students, but they are not widespread and because they are usually student-driven, a club may only exist until a student or small group of students graduates.

Utah FAM was founded by elementary educator Kody Colvin, Horizonte Instruction and Training Center assistant principal Alli Martin, and education instructional coach Tyson Price in 2016, with the goal to make Utah schools better for LGBTQ+ teachers and students. They have delivered hundreds of professional learning workshops, seminars,

and training at schools, companies, and homes. They organize monthly educator socials via Zoom open to teachers across the state. They also hope to help educators make new friends, celebrate successes, share ideas and resources, and provide individualized support.

“We believe LGBTQ+ educators, families, and students make our schools and our world a better place,” said Colvin. “A diversity of people must be represented and respected in our classrooms.”

“Utah schools have the right and responsibility to prepare our students for a real-world where they will encounter people with various identities,” Colvin continued. “We support education that includes learning about LGBTQ people.

When inclusive curricula are embedded into the materials presented and taught at school, students report less anti-LGBTQ+ language and a greater sense of safety.”

“We embrace our trans and non-binary students and teachers. We recognize that especially now, in the face of ongoing political attacks on their rights and their identities, they need to hear this more than ever,” he said.

The group encourages allies to use the hashtag #mystorybelongs to document stories of support for LGBTQ+ inclusion in Utah schools. Q More information on Utah FAM is at utahfam.org

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Festivals, Fairs and Annual Events Return Here is our list of events returning this year:

RED BUTTE GARDEN OUTDOOR CONCERT SERIES LINEUP TO BE ANNOUNCED EARLY JUNE Get ready for live music in the Red Butte Garden Amphitheatre.

The full lineup announcement is promised in early June. Member-only presale will happen June 21 for members who join at the Garden-Flex level or above

by June 15. Tickets on sale to the public June 28. More info at redbuttegarden.org

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The annual Living Traditions Festival, celebrating 35 years of fostering the preservation and inclusion of Utah’s diverse cultural landscape through presentations of dance, music, craft, and culinary arts, will take place JUNE 26 from 12pm to 9pm at Washington Square. Two stages and 14 international food vendors, along with a Pow Wow and martial dance will bring together cultures to the Square. More info at ­livingtraditionsfestival.com

DAMN THESE HEELS QUEER FILM FESTIVAL TO BE DRIVE-IN AND ONLINE Break out those heels and save the date for the 18th annual Damn These Heels Queer Film Festival! Come celebrate our LGBTQIA+ community through cinema at drive-in and online screenings JULY 9–18.

The annual festival explores LGBTQ+ issues, ideas, and art through showcasing fiction and non-fiction films from around the world.

Passes for Damn These Heels will go on sale May 24 and the films and schedule will be announced in mid June at ­utahfilmcenter.org

ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

UTAH ARTS FESTIVAL ANNOUNCES 2021 DATES The Utah Arts Festival has announced that their annual event will take place AUG. 27–29 at Washington and Library Squares in Salt Lake City. More information at uaf.org

AVENUES STREET FAIR RETURNS The Avenues Street Fair is officially scheduled to be held on 9th Avenue between D and I Streets. Mark your calendarsfor SEPT. 11 9am to 6pm.

9TH & 9TH STREET FESTIVAL Held (almost) every year on the 2nd Saturday after Labor Day, the 9th and 9th Street Festival is our neighborhood celebrating our neighborhood!

It’s free, fun, kid friendly, pet friendly, music friendly, food friendly, art friendly, and best of all neighbor friendly! Learn about new things, enjoy a tasty treat and some great music.

Saturday SEPT. 18. Info at ­9thand9thstreetfestival.com

UTAH LGBTQ+ CHAMBER OF COMMERCE ANNOUNCES ANNUAL ECONOMIC SUMMIT DATE The Utah LGBTQ+ Chamber of Commerce set the date for their annual Economic Summit for SEPT. 23. Further details will be made available on their website, utahlgbtqchamber. org. The Summit offers LGBTQ businesses tools and guidance on furthering their businesses and allows for mingling with other business owners.

EQUALITY UTAH SETS ALLIES GALA DATE Equality Utah, Utah’s LGBTQ political organization, has announced that Covid-willing, they are returning this fall to the Eccles Theater to celebrate 20 Years. The Allies Gala is scheduled for OCT 2.

Tickets and more details will be released this summer at ­equalityutah.org/allies. Q Want to get your organization’s events in QMmunity? Email editor@qsaltlake.com.

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 17

JUNE, 2021 | ISSUE 324 | Qsaltlake.com

from the editor

The strength of Utah’s LGBTQ community lies in its creativity

BY MICHAEL AARON

When Utah

was facing a constitutional amendment that was inevitable to pass, our LGBTQ leaders got creative and mostly moved the election.

Though not able to defeat the amendment, our community changed the messaging that it “Goes Too Far.” The message resonated and, while conventional wisdom said the amendment would pass with an 80 percent majority, that number was whittled down to 67 percent — considered by many as a huge victory.

Then there was the time our community wanted to be included in anti-discrimination protections. All sides were brought to the table, and the outcome was a law that protected LGBTQ people in employment and housing but carved out protections for religions and their schools. Now called “The Utah Way,” it changed how legislation involving our community is done, including the recent attempts to limit transgender athletes.

And when one community

leader got fed up with being treated as a second-class citizen in Utah’s marriage laws, he successfully sued the state, launching an avalanche of positive rulings across the country.

Last year, as a pandemic swept across the globe, our leaders found a way to have a Pride that still involved coming together and parading. Organizations across the country are now using the Pride Rally concept.

This year, Pride leaders wanted to get even closer together as vaccinations began happening and the numbers started to come down. While still being safe and sane, they found a way to meet on Washington Square, come together in social-distanced groups, and appreciate how to find out more about the community, its past, and its future.

While necessity is the mother of invention, it is our creativity that sets us apart from other parts of the country and world and makes Utah’s LGBTQ community a beacon to admire. Q

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Qsaltlake.com | ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

quotes “It’s been a long time coming, and to be affirmed today? It means the world.”

— Sean Childers-Gray on the Utah Supreme Court ruling on transgender markers

“You aren’t just talking about a birth certificate. You aren’t talking about just a driver’s license or a passport.

You’re talking about someone’s soul.”

— Angie Rice

“The Utah Legislature rejected two anti-transgender bills, and today, the Utah Supreme Court has upheld transgender rights to live freely as their authentic selves. This is ‘equality under the law’ in practice, right here in Utah.”

— Equality Utah’s Troy Williams

“It creates a moment for us to celebrate and recognize there is hope. There are people out there that care,” she said. “It helps us send a message of love to people who might be losing hope.”

— Dr. Candice Metzler, director of Transgender Education Advocates of Utah

“...”

— Republicans

JUNE, 2021 | ISSUE 324 | Qsaltlake.com

who’s your daddy

Pride rubs off

BY CHRISTOPHER KATIS

Kelly and I

were already a couple when my nephew Braxton was born. A few years ago, he confided to me that one of the best parts of his childhood was literally always having two uncles. It was just normal for him. It shaped his view of gay people and helped him become a fierce ally of the community. I’m immensely proud of that.

Pride rubs off. Being out and proud can be a positive force not only in our own lives but in the lives of others. Psychotherapist David Strah, MA, LMFT and the author of the book, “Gay Dads: A Celebration of Fatherhood,” says “When we live life as openly LGBTQ people and stand up for ourselves in a self-empowered way, it teaches others — particularly kids — it’s OK to do the same for themselves and others.”

My great-niece, Lexi, recently proved that in a middle school cafeteria. She was sitting at a table with some acquaintances who happen to identify as non-binary and lesbian. A couple of boys decided it was appropriate to tell these non-binary kids that being gay is wrong, against the teachings of the Bible, and that they’re headed to Hell.

Lexi leaped into action! First, she tried reason, explaining that not everyone has the same belief system or even believes in Hell. Besides, what did it matter to these bullies how other people lead their lives?

When that didn’t work, she approached her teacher, explained what the boys were doing, and put an end to the bullying. She could have chosen to ignore the boys and do nothing. Instead, she decided to stand up for what’s right. When I heard about it, I almost burst with pride.

Strah adds, “The foundation for happiness stems from our own positive self-esteem. As gay people, that’s import-

ant since too often we’ve been told we’re bad or wrong simply for being ourselves.”

I think kids raised with open, proud, and happy LGBTQ role models are increasingly starting to say enough is enough. For years, my bonus nephew Brody chose to wear his hair long. (He’s my “bonus” because he’s Lexi’s cousin but not from my side of the family – not that DNA could stop us from being family.) A couple of years ago, another kid decided to call him out for his hair and called Brody “gay.” Without missing a beat, Brody shot back, “I have a gay uncle, and he’s way cooler than you!” That ended it. (And I learned someone thinks I’m cool!)

Now, I’m not saying that I’m solely responsible for the actions and feelings of my younger family members. All my siblings’ acceptance and love for me — and for Kelly — is a testament to how lucky I’ve been in my life as an out and proud gay man. Each of my nieces and nephews has awesome parents who instilled in them acceptance and inclusion of all people.

But I think the fact that I’ve always been just who I am helps. And Strah agrees. He says that being out and proud of who you are can lead others to be proLGBTQ advocates. He came out at just 16 to his therapist mom and minister father, both of whom soon became active allies for the community. His dad went on to preach to thousands of people that the Bible is pro-gay; his mom helped her gay clients accept themselves more fully.

This Pride, and every day, be out and proud and happy. Because someday someone might just tell you having two uncles was one of the best parts of their childhood.

Happy Pride, everyone. Q Thanks to David Strah. You can reach him at davidstrah.com

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 19

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guest editorial

Qsaltlake.com |

ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

1,566,720 minutes

BY DR. ROBERT MOOLMAN EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF THE UTAH PRIDE CENTER

As I write

this, today is exactly three years and 20 days since I started my remarkable, humbling, and life-changing experience as the executive director/CEO of the Utah Pride Center. Of course, if you add the seven dog years that was 2020, that makes 10 years and 20 days!

It is with a sense of great pride, and some sadness, that I write this letter, which formally announces my request to the UPC board of directors to initiate the search for the next executive director of this wonderful organization. It is a decision that has been a long time coming and I have been waiting for the right time to announce this and make this request.

I believe that the time is now. I believe very strongly that it is as important for a leader to have the vision for where they want to take an organization, as it is for them to know the right time to open the door for the next person, in order for the organization to grow and develop.

As I sit here in my office considering all the remarkable achievements we, as an organization and team, have had through the past three years, I cannot help but think about the goals that I had set and hoped to achieve when starting this role.

I knew we needed to be seen as the ‘center’ of our community and that we needed to be connected not only with our LGBTQ+ community but to the broader Utah community. We needed to be a space that was visibly and vocally driving the change we wanted to see, and where we were providing best-practice resources and services.

Internally, we needed to be an organization that was financially and fiscally secure and where our process and procedures enhanced our work and our environment. We also had to be an organization that attracted and retained exceptional individuals for this work. I am proud of the knowledge that we have come far in meeting these goals.

Our Center has changed so much over

the last three years. I stand in awe of the passionate and determined team of people at the UPC who are serving our community and providing our essential services and resources. I believe that we have empowered our team to be proactive in ideas, decision-making, and planning, thereby allowing them to bring new initiatives to the Center and to implement them – our Suicide Prevention program being a wonderful example of this.

I am so proud that our team here is diverse in thought, ethnicities, genders, sexualities, and perspectives. Of course, we can do better and should never rest on

It is with a sense of great pride, and some sadness, that I write this letter, which formally announces my request to the UPC board of directors to initiate the search for the next executive director of this wonderful organization. our laurels, and as our Center continues forward, I hope to see that diversity continue to grow and expand.

I also believe that over the last three years there has been a much-improved connection with broader community stakeholders — from our donors and supporters to our recognition within nonLGBTQ+ spaces as being a leading voice for our communities. Our team here has done a remarkable job and is to be commended for its passion and continued dedicated work – it has been a privilege to be your executive director.

I struggle to contemplate or even remember a Utah Pride Center without

SAGE, the Utah Queer Historical Society, TransAction, an education and training department, our People of Color program, our Latinx task forces, and our GSA conference, yet these have emerged and grown in just three short years.

We have instituted processes and initiatives at the Center that have improved our finances, our data collection, and our grant funding potential. Our relaunched membership program, our new development work, newsletters, and our annual report / state of the center have been important in our connection to donors and funders and to our responsibility to be transparent and accountable to the communities we serve.

I also want to acknowledge the remarkable work and dedication that goes into our Pride Festival, our 2020 Road Rally, and our 2021 Pride Story Garden. These events have grown over the years and provided a financial lifeline to our organization. I know that is due to the team here and the incredible volunteers we have at the Center, who are dedicated to the success and the mission of the Center. I appreciate that there is much, much more to do on many of these fronts, but I am confident that as these changes are now part of our work and our locus of intent, we will continue to grow and develop each of these in the years ahead.

There is so much exciting work still to do, and I stand ready to keep that work moving as the board searches for the person to help guide that work in the coming years.

Vital to our continued work is better accountability and connection to our Queer BIPOC community. We need to do better and be better in this regard. I stand ready to continue the initiatives and relationships I have formed and will ensure that this work is at the forefront of the next executive director’s mind.

I am truly excited by our plans to develop an endowment fund for the Center, ensuring that our work will continue

JUNE, 2021 |

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 21

ISSUE 324 | Qsaltlake.com

through tough times as well as good ones.

I believe there is great potential in our newly launched Rainbow Wellness program. It has the possibility of bringing new community to the Center and of growing our preventative health care work in very exciting directions.

I am passionate about the work in education, training, and schools. I know that this is just the tip of the iceberg and that as this is allowed to grow and flourish, we will become more vital in our ability to create lasting change in Utah.

I am confident that, out of the pandemic, our new ability and skills in working virtually will open new doors to meeting the needs of LGBTQ+ across all of Utah.

Most importantly, our

initiatives these past three years to improve the conditions and benefits for our staff have been significant in our potential to attract and retain superb candidates and colleagues. As we continue on our road to improvement through internal and external evaluations, audits, and professional development, I see our Center growing in strength more each year.

In reflecting on my years here, I am constantly reminded of the resiliency and power of our Center. It is a space that faces the challenges of constantly evolving environments, changing donor and funder expectations, and the need to be connected to a broader and more diverse community.

Through 2020 we faced the

challenges that came with the COVID-19 pandemic. We saw our funding decrease dramatically, and we saw baseless and cruel attacks on our work and team by ex-employees with personal agendas who actively strove to divide us, our donors, and our community relationships. But we persisted! There is still work to do to repair that damage, but our Center is stronger.

Our work is important, it is relevant, and the team here takes the responsibility to the community to heart. I am so incredibly proud and humbled to lead this team that rose to the occasion, and which I believe will always be accountable to our community.

As I make the request for the search to begin for the person to take what we have

“To someone who is considering this program and team for care, I would say go for it.”

T R A N S G E N D E R H E A LT H P R O G R A M

AL L GENDER JOU RNEYS WELCOME. ALL IN A SUPPORTIVE ENVIRONMENT.

TAYLOR

SWENSEN, Patient she/hers

“As health care professionals, we think we know what’s best, but we need to design care with patients, not just for patients.”

LEARN MORE AT:

UOFUHEALTH.ORG/ TRANSHEALTH

CORI

AGARWAL,MD, Medical Director she/hers

built to the next level, my commitment and dedication to the board and the team of people we have at the Center continues. We will accomplish much in these coming months as we all stay focused on our mission.

I will remain as long as the Center needs me and as long as it takes to ensure a smooth transition, maintaining the continued essential work of the Center.

I have brought powerful change to the Center, and I know that the Center, its people, and our community have changed me for the better as well. There is so much wonderful and exciting work to do, and I continue to be so proud and fortunate to do it with the incredible team here at the Center. Q

“I love that the Transgender Health Program is constantly trying to grow and do better and spread this growth and push for intersectionality and inclusion.”

ALEX

FLOCH, Advisory Board Member they/them

22 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

creep of the month

Qsaltlake.com |

ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

Tenn. Rep. Jeremy Faison

BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI

You know

how they say there’s no such thing as bad publicity? And also how they say don’t feed the trolls?

Well, in a convergence of the two I have discovered The Brothers Osborne, a country music duo who are, I have on good authority, brothers. They’re also really good.

See, I don’t listen to country music very much. I’m more of an Ozzy Osbourne fan, myself. But I do love me a good gay musician.

So thank you to Rep. Jeremy Faison, a Republican who made sure to kill a resolution to honor T.J. Osborne even though it had unanimously passed in the state senate. Now you see, Faison had no choice but to send the bill to committee — which is done for the year, but oh well, what can you do? — because of a procedural objection. It’s simply Republicans’ deep, deep love for the rules that cause them to look like they’re bad faith actors.

Again. What bad luck they have.

But, of course, we all know that Faison did it because the T.J. half of the Brothers Osborne is gay. The other half is John. He plays guitar. Hi, John.

“I’m very comfortable being gay,” T.J.

told Time magazine.

John is comfortable with it as well.

“If I had to have all my money and success erased for my brother to be truly fulfilled in life,” John told Time, “I wouldn’t even think about it. Not for a second.”

According to Variety Magazine the resolution states, “Though T.J. Osborne is not the first country music artist to come out as gay, he is the first and currently only openly gay artist signed to a major country label” and “though it may have been merely a consequence of being true to himself, he has nonetheless become a trailblazer and a symbol of hope for those country music artists and fans alike who may have become ostracized from a genre they hold dear.”

And T.J. has expressed concerns.

“I don’t think I’m going to get run off the stage in Chicago,” he said. “But in a rural town playing a county fair? I’m curious how this will go.”

Well, consider Faison the legislative equivalent of a rural town county fair, then.

From what I’ve read and seen, Faison didn’t say, “That’s gay” and do a little thumbs-down curtsey or anything. But Faison has a long history of anti-gay creepdom, so we’re just calling it like we see it.

According to The New Civil Rights Movement, Faison has supported bills to let adoption agencies discriminate against same-sex couples and in he was one of 53 legislators who signed on to a motion regarding a lesbian couple’s divorce advocating that the non-biological mother of the couple’s child is not a real mother and should have no rights to the child.

Perhaps his most egregious anti-LGBTQ+ action was in 2012 when he said spoke out against a cyberbullying bill regarding LGBTQ+ youth suicides.

“We can’t continue to legislate everything,” he said. “We’ve had some horrible things happen in America and in our state, and there’s children that have actually committed suicide, but I will submit

to you today that they did not commit suicide because of somebody bullying them. They committed suicide because they were not instilled the proper principles of where their self-esteem came from at home.”

In other words, LGBTQ+ kids kill themselves because they have bad parents who didn’t work hard enough to raise heterosexual, gender-normative kids. A very ugly take.

The Tennessee Holler posted a video of Faison sending the bill back to the closed committee on Twitter. The Brothers Osborne retweeted it along with a message for Faison: “We’ve lived in this state for over half of our lives. [Faison] honored Ben Shapiro who doesn’t even live here.

Jeremy, let’s have lunch one day. On us.

Would really like to know more about you as a person.”

Now that’s a classy response.

Faison responded with, “I would be honored to break bread with you.” Not honored enough to, like, publicly honor T.J. in, like, an official way. But yeah, so honored.

I hope that Faison studies his The Brothers Osborne lyrics before he meets them. Because with T.J. gay and all, that means when he sings about people taking each other’s T-shirts off in the hit song “Stay a Little Longer,” he’s taking off another guy’s shirt and that guy is taking off his shirt and he’s inviting the guy to stay so they can continue to create a clothes pile on the floor. In short, it’s gay. Honestly, though, this whole thing is probably very confusing to Faison, right down to the fact that there’s no woman in this scenario to do all that laundry. Q D’Anne Witkowski is a writer living with her wife and son.

She has been writing about LGBTQ politics for over a decade. Follow her on Twitter @MamaDWitkowski.

JUNE, 2021 |

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 23

ISSUE 324 | Qsaltlake.com

It’s Pride All Year at Native

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Take the 15th Annual LGBTQ Community Survey

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24 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | UTAH PRIDE GUIDE

Qsaltlake.com |

ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

UTAH PRIDE

Our 18th Annual Guide to

BY MICHAEL AARON

This year’s

Utah Pride is promised to be

“A-Maze-Ing.” Like all events on the scale of the Utah Pride Festival, Pride will look a bit different this year. But different also means one-of-a-kind and, as it turns out, grander than ever.

“Oddly, with the limitations on Pride because of the Coronavirus, Pride will be bigger and grander than it has ever been,” said Rob Moolman, executive director of the Utah Pride Center. “The event will be a full seven days long, and will range from a massive Washington Square event to fireworks to a longer Pride March than has ever taken place.”

Tickets are already on sale for the event. Because of the pandemic, each participant will need to reserve a time that they will arrive. Those who want to go in groups will need to register together so they can enter at the same time.

Here are he scheduled events as we know them today:

Tuesday June 1 FLAG RAISING & PROCLAMATIONS

Utah Pride has invited the state, counties, and cities to issue proclamations of Utah Pride Month and will celebrate those that come through during a flag-raising at the Salt Lake City-County Building.

Wednesday, June 2 PRIDE INTERFAITH SVC

The annual Pride Interfaith Service will involve faiths from around the state to participate.

7pm at the First Unitarian Church at 569 S 1300 E. Free tickets are required at bit.ly/prideinterfaith2021

Thursday, June 3 – Monday, June 7 PRIDE STORY GARDEN

This original, one-time Pride Story Garden is an interactive outdoor exhibit curated with national and local partners. A limited number of guests will be allowed access at any one time to roam and find their way through this “a-maze-ing” exhibit that will tell “Our History, Our Stories, Our Communities.”

To ensure the safety of guests and volunteers, date- and time-specific tickets will allow a limited number of attendees to enter the Story Garden at any one time. All tickets must be purchase online and will not be available for purchase on-site.

The Garden will be open each day through Monday, June 7 from 10 a.m. to 9:30 p.m.

Discount tickets are available during weekdays. Friends and families of four through 20 can come together and save with Pride Packages. All funds raised will be used to make 2021’s unique Pride Week Celebration possible and support the year-round lifesaving programs and services of the Utah Pride Center.

There are 20 unique gardens available

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ISSUE 324 | Qsaltlake.com

to guests, each with their own theme to highlight “Our History, Our Stories, Our Communities.”

Gardens will include educational, artistic, informational, and interactive elements with limited physical contact.

Guests will also have an option to purchase the “Garden Games Gift Bag,” which will include toys and tools to enhance the Pride Garden experience and participate in all interactive elements.

The Gardens are as follows:

UTAH QUEER HISTORY

Displays of the people, organizations, and events that shaped the history of Utah’s LGBTQ community will be memorialized in the Utah Queer History Garden. Among the exhibits, QSaltLake Magazine will show enlargements of 18 of the most interesting covers from its 18 years of publishing Utah’s LGBTQ publication.

national and world timeline of the LGBTQ civil rights movement.

The Stonewall National Museum and Archives is one of the largest gay archives and libraries in the United States, now almost 50 years old. They have granted Utah Pride with their exhibits to help make this the grandest event Utah’s LGBTQ community has ever produced.

Oh, and wondering what the cover if this issue is all about? In 1977, Florida’s “Sunshine Queen,” Anita Bryant, went on a rampage against LGBTQ teachers in public schools. She was rewarded at one national televised press conference with a pie in the face.

“At least it’s a fruit pie,” she said.

Organizers hope to have an exhibit where you can throw pies in the face of a rotating group of anti-LGBTQ activists.

TRIBUTE GARDEN

A special exhibit courtesy of the Stonewall National Museum & Archives will take you through the

God loves you. And we think you’re fabulous, too.

The Tribute Garden will memorialize local heroes in Utah’s LGBTQ history. Nominations from the community are being solicited for a diverse representation of Utah’s LGBTQ+ community with inspirational and compelling stories of people who are currently alive and have impacted our lives and helped to shape “Our History, Our Stories, Our Communities.” Selected tributes may be printed and displayed within the 2021 Pride Story Garden and beyond.

ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT GARDENS WALK-THRU CIVIL RIGHTS TIMELINE

PLANTS FLOWERS GIF TS & MORE www.cactusandtropicals.com

Utah’s LGBTQ community has a rich arts and entertainment involvement. This garden will celebrate the queer arts.

—continued on p. 28

First Bappst Church

Not what you’d expect, but maybe what you’re looking for 800 S 1300 E. www.firstbappst-slc.org

26 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | UTAH PRIDE GUIDE

Qsaltlake.com |

ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

400 S

TRANS GARDEN

UTAH PRIDE STORY GARDEN

UTAH QUEER HISTORY ENTRANCE

200 E

CENTER ZONE NORTH

CIVIL RIGHTS TIMELINE

DRAG QUEENDOM

ARTS & COMMUNITY ENTERTAINMENT STAKEHOLDERS NORTH

LIVING LGBTQ+ AROUND THE WORLD

SANCTUARY PEOPLE OF COLOR SALT LAKE CITY & COUNTY BUILDING

STUDIO 54 DANCE PARTY

CENTER ZONE SOUTH

COMMUNITY PARTNERS

EXIT

PRIDE RAINBOW

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT SOUTH

STONEWALL ARCHIVES

LGBTQIAA FLAGS AND IDENTITIES

STATE STREET

N

TRIBUTE GARDEN

STONEWALL ARCHIVES

MEMORY GARDEN

500 S June 1: PRIDE MONTH

PROCLAMATIONS AND

FLAG RAISINGS June 2: PRIDE INTERFAITH SERVICE

7pm First Unitarian Church

569 S 1300 E June 3: PRIDE STORY GARDEN 10am–9:30pm

Washington Square

June 4: PRIDE STORY GARDEN 10am–9:30pm

Washington Square June 5: PRIDE STORY GARDEN 10am–9:30pm

Washington Square June 6: RAINBOW MARCH & RALLY

10am, Utah State Capitol,

300 N State St.

June 6: PRIDE STORY GARDEN 10am–9:30pm

Washington Square June 7: PRIDE STORY GARDEN 10am–9:30pm

Washington Square Tickets and Info at UtahPrideCenter.org

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UTAH PRIDE GUIDE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 27

Let Hope Bloom Let Laughter Bloom Let Health Bloom Let Love Bloom Let Joy Bloom Let Smiles Bloom Let Pride Bloom

28 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

COMMUNITY STAKEHOLDERS

Come meet the organizations and businesses that enrich our community. From sports to political organizations, and businesses who support us through their involvement in our community.

STONEWALL ARCHIVES

Local historians have been archiving the Utah LGBTQ community’s history for decades and will present some of the most interesting stories of our community through the years.

UTAH QUEENDOM

“Oh look, Donald, drag queens!”

Okay, a reference to a very obscure queer film from 2001. Sue me. It’s one of my favorites.

Drag enthusiasts will enjoy the superstars of Utah’s drag queen community in this garden.

CENTER ZONE

Come see the life-saving programs of the Utah Pride Center in these gardens. Find what programs are the best fit for you to participate in or support through the year.

TRANSGENDER

Utah’s transgender community is among the best organized in the country. Come learn more about how you can understand, support, and appreciate Utah’s T community,

LIVING LGBTQ+ AROUND THE WORLD

Not all countries are as accepting and supporting of elements of the United States’ LGBTQ community. Come learn about the uniqueness and challenges of LGBTQ communities around the world.

“It’s a world of laughter, a world of tears,” “It’s a queer world after all.”

Qsaltlake.com |

Sorry — no boat rides will be presented.

LGBTQ+ PEOPLE OF COLOR

Learn to appreciate the different experiences that LGBTQ people of color experience in the state and across the nation. BIPOC and other organizations will participate in exhibits meant to help understand and appreciate different outlooks on life from minority populations.

SANCTUARY SECRET GARDEN

For those needing a bit of a respite from the event, the Sanctuary Secret Garden will provide a quiet, zen space to reflect and rest.

STUDIO 54 DANCE PARTY

The impact of queer music will be felt in the Studio 54 Dance Party Garden. Don the wigs and outfits of the 70s disco era and dance your ass off.

MEMORY GARDEN

Nominations are being taken for the Memory Garden — a place where you can memorialize LGBTQ friends and family who have passed on.

LGBTQIAA FLAGS / IDENTITIES

What do all the letters and colors of our community mean? There are a zillion flags, what do each represent? The letters — how do we understand them? This garden will walk you through the many vast and fabulous parts of our community.

PRIDE RAINBOW

The rainbow was first brought to our community by Gilbert Baker for the Gay Freedom Day Parade in 1978. Each color of the rainbow represented, to Baker, a special part of the gay experience, from sex to life to healing to spirit.

Come understand the meaning of the Pride Rainbow.

ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

Sunday, June 6 RAINBOW MARCH & RALLY

Past Utah Pride Festivals have hosted and organized the “Dyke March,” “Trans March,” and the “Pride March and Rally,” to provide a space and opportunity to celebrate, recognize and give voice to our lesbian, dyke, trans, bi, pansexual, queer, BIPOC and non-binary communities.

Join the event at the Utah State Capitol for the Rainbow March and Rally, on Sunday, June 6 beginning at 10 am. This year the Rainbow Rally and March will be even more of a focal point of the week. We will “Raise Our Voices” in support of all of these communities again, as we, Utah’s LGBTQ+ community once again, engage in our protest roots and history.”

Starting near the Utah State Capitol building at 300 North State St., marchers will carry the 300’ rainbow flag and the first balloon arch. The flag and balloon arch will march down State Street and meet the next balloon arch, and then the next balloon arch and the next until all have joined together to create a massive balloon arch of over 1000 balloons as the march reaches Harvey Milk Boulevard and Sixth East at Liberty Park.

Protest and rally wear is encouraged, as well as posters and signs to “raise your voices.”

The event is free and open to the public.

Masks and social distancing will be required.

As you can see, this event is truly a unique opportunity to connect and celebrate with our community in a way that only a time requiring creative thinking can bring.

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 29

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LDS Conference Center

Other events

Utah Pride Rainbow March

RALLY AT THE CAPITOL 10AM MARCH AFTER Pick up color balloon arches along the route down State Street to Harvey Milk Blvd, then east to Liberty Park

City Creek Park

Main St

p

Canyon

Rd.

N

Memory Grove

East

Capit

ol

JUNE, 2021 |

Other organizations will be hosting events alongside Pride, including the Utah Film Cenetr, which will screen the documentary “Cured,” about the effort to have the American Psychiatric Association remove the term

More information and tickets are available at utahpridecenter.org.

ree days after he was murdered, Richard Pratt began to feel much better...

South Temple

CENTERR t

CITY CREEK

homosexuality from its manual of mental illnesses.

A Pride T-Dance and a concert with Todrick Hall are also planned. See the ads in this issue.Q

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30 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Qsaltlake.com |

ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

Todrick Hall thrives on “changing minds and hearts”

Favorite performance avenue: “If I ever had to choose a skill, whether that be dancing, or singing, or choreographing, or directing, or acting, I don’t think I would be able to, which is why I fell in love with theater. In theater, you are transported to amazing places, you can portray an array of characters and bring them to life, and you can do things that you as your normal self would be afraid to do. But when playing a role, when I’m in character, I am fearless.”

BY BLAIR HOWELL

Fascination with live theater performance: “I’ve loved being able to tackle different roles, but at the same time I feel like I’ve hidden behind the different characters I’ve portrayed in my videos on my YouTube channel. In 2019 when I released House Party, I felt that for the first time I was coming out as an artist who had music that wasn’t attached to a story, or a fairytale, or a parody of a song that was already popular: It was music that I created on my own.

“I feel

like I haven’t even scratched the surface of what I am able

to offer.”

In “Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit,” Whoopi Goldberg as Sister Mary Clarence advises Lauren Hill as the rebellious teenager Rita Louise Watson: “If you wake up in the mornin’ and you can’t think of anything but singin’ first, then you’re supposed to be a singer, girl.”

“That’s how I feel,” says gay icon Todrick Hall. “I don’t know if I’ve mastered any of my crafts, but every morning when I wake up, the first thing that I want to do is sing and dance and create.”

A natural storyteller with a multifaceted career as an actor, singer, songwriter, choreographer, and TV personality since his breakout run on “American Idol” in 2010, Hall has a wildly popular YouTube channel with more than 3.5 million subscribers who enjoy the extravagant videos he creates for his songs, musical parodies and productions for performers like Beyoncé, Tiffany Haddish and RuPaul, “who never does anybody’s videos.” Each has a fiery attitude, razor-sharp choreography, and trending catchphrases. Fans will recognize his “Nails, Hair, Hips, Heels” and “I Like Boys” viral videos. In total, he has racked up nearly 820 million views across his channel. As executive producer of Taylor Swift’s star-studded “You Need to Calm Down” video, the friends shared an MTV Music Award.

And he’s pushing the boundaries of LGBTQ+ representation in a business that has historically been unwelcoming to PHOTO: FRTY FVE

queer people of color.

In his first live performance since the worldwide pandemic stalled the vast majority of the entertainment industry, Hall returns to Utah to rejuvenate the stage for LOUD+QUEER: Pride Spectacular, a fundraiser for the Utah Pride Center on Friday, June 4, at the Union Event Center in Salt Lake City. He’ll share the stage with other queer artists to form an impressive list at the concert entertainment event.

The entertainment superstar’s first professional theater performance way back in 2005 was as Curly, described by J.M Barrie as a Lost Boy who always gets himself “in a pickle,” in the Comden and Green musical “Peter Pan” at St. George’s Tuacahn Center for the Arts, along with a role in Rogers and Hammerstein’s “South Pacific.” His fans may not recognize that his credits include Broadway and West End performances including Lola in “Kinky Boots,” Billy Flynn in “Chicago,” Ogie in “Waitress,” and roles in “Memphis” and “The Color Purple.”

“It was so fun,” Hall remembers. “I had such a great time performing at that show, and the people in Utah were always so kind to me. I cannot wait to go on tour again and visit Utah.”

In an exclusive interview for QSaltLake magazine, Hall discusses his love of performing and achieving goals he has set, since his days “in this small town in Texas where I had never flown on a plane, and never thought I’d get to go to Walt Disney World. I thought someone was making it in the world if they had a CD burner and a trampoline.”

Pinnacle achievement: “Some of my music, like “Nail, Hair, Hips, Heels,” has been played around the world and used in TV shows, and has even become part of pop culture. I have music that has become viral, that has been used in TikToks and part of dance and cheer routines. Now I feel that I am an artist that deserves to be in the field and industry, alongside traditional and mainstream artists, even if I am still carving out my own unique approach to music, and I’ve gained a confidence I didn’t know possible.

Moments of discouragement: “That’s not to say there weren’t days where I thought I would throw in the towel, but when I meet my fans and meet people on tour, and hear their stories and how my music has impacted them, it lets me know that I am doing something meaningful and needed, and it gives me the fuel that I need to make it to the next chapter.”

Inequity: “There are so many times where I’ve felt discriminated against, where I felt like the rules were different for me, or where someone didn’t understand why my product wasn’t getting the numbers or engagement that they would expect for an artist like me. There was a time when I was on tour, and I noticed that the budgets for security were relatively high, almost excessive. So, I reached out to two close friends who were performing in the same venues with similar audiences to mine, and I asked them about their experience with this and their contractual obligations and was surprised to find out that they were bring-

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ing in higher revenue and that they were not required to have the same amount of security for their performances. I can only assume that this was in direct correlation with me being a black artist and assumed that we needed more security.

My team contacted the venues and told them that these conditions were not fair, and that if they were going to make the assumption that my fans and concertgoers were rowdy and rambunctious, that the venue should foot the bill.”

Overcoming bias: “There have been other times on tour where people heard the lyrics to some of the songs and assumed that my show was going to be a rowdy experience. I’ve had security from several venues come up to me at the end of my show and tell me that my show was their favorite show that they had ever seen at that particular venue or theater. And I’ve even had some of these people track me down later on and tell me they can’t wait to take their family and friends to one of my shows. That, to me, is an example of how my music is changing minds and hearts, and it gets me really excited.”

Proximity of the coveted Emmy-Grammy-Oscar-Tony achievement: “It’s my ultimate dream to EGOT. As life progresses, it becomes more and more unnecessary for me to do that. There are moments where I feel like an imposter, where I sometimes feel like I don’t deserve things, or that I have to overdeliver: if someone asks for ten songs, I give them fourteen, if they ask for two costume changes, I give them sixteen costume changes, and I think that all of these things were my attempt to prove why I deserve to be there.

You would be surprised to know how many artists do the bare minimum of what is asked, because that is what the contract states.”

Performing in Utah: “I found the people of Utah to be extremely kind. Every time I go on tour, I try to play Utah, but it isn’t always easy because there aren’t a ton of venues, and sometimes promoters would say that I wasn’t the right act for their audience. In 2019, I got to tour Utah for the first time, and it was the first city in the U.S. to sell out, even though it was a smaller theater.”

A discovery: “On my journey, I’ve had to learn that I am worthy and deserving. I’ve had so many gigantic dreams that are much bigger than anything I could have imagined that I would accomplish in my entire life.”

Making his statement: “I never felt like I could say [what I wanted to say] until recently, when the pandemic hit. I sat at home and really reflected upon all the different things I really wanted to make happen.

And although I am so happy and grateful for the success that I have had thus far, I am so excited about what the future holds for me. I have always wanted to EGOT, and I have ideas and dreams of

television shows and Broadway musicals.”

Performing on Broadway: “Being a Broadway actor is something I am very proud of, and I think that Broadway actors are the Olympic athletes of the entertainment industry; it is so difficult to master the craft of singing, dancing, acting, and performing eight shows a week with your instrument that wasn’t designed to sing notes that way or move in that way. But we do it because we are passionate about theater.”

Writing and performing live theater: “I already know what I want my first musical to be, and it is one that has never been done before. It is so familiar and classic yet so different and out-ofthe box, and I am so excited to bring it to life; it’s a story that will make you laugh and cry. My elementary school teacher, who introduced me to the world of musical theater and inspired me and encouraged me to dance at such a young age, told me that the greats are able to

touch people by being able to make them laugh or cry. And I hope that my show will make the people laugh and cry and inspire a new generation of musical theater kids.”

Personal credo: “On my journey, I’ve had to learn that I am worthy and deserving. I’ve had so many gigantic dreams that are much bigger than anything I could have imagined that I would accomplish in my entire life.”

The horizon: “I would love to write several books, and before I pass, I would love to have a trophy case with my Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony, and an MTV Video Music Award, which I already have. What I think is most important is storytelling and getting my music out there; I have a unique story and perspective that I would love to share with the world. I feel like I haven’t even scratched the surface of what I am able to offer.” Q Todrick Hall will headline a concert fundraiser on Friday, June 4, at the Union Event Center in a benefit for the Utah Pride Center.

18+ Tickets and more info at skyfall.ticketspice.com/pride

PHOTO: JENNY ANDERSON

JUNE, 2021 |

32 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Qsaltlake.com |

ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

Ryan O’Connell wants you — Yes, you! — to talk more about queer people with disabilities

BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI

A gay man

with cerebral palsy. You won’t find that kind of important representation just any time you flick on the TV, which is why Ryan O’Connell’s Netflix show “Special” has been uniquely refreshing and profoundly revolutionary.

It began as a memoir — his memoir, entitled “I’m Special: And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves” — and then evolved into a full-fledged, semi-autobiographical dramedy in 2019 on Netflix. He created it, he stars in it, he writes it. And he does so once again with the second and final season, which expands episodes from short bits to sitcom-length servings, with openly gay actor Jim Parsons still producing. During this season, which premieres May 20, lead character Ryan (the actor, who is gay and living with cerebral palsy himself, shares his name with the title character) continues his journey to self-fulfillment. That path is lined with hiccups involving an open relationship, topping and his relationship with his mother.

Here, O’Connell talks about his honest approach to gay sex (and why he thinks most gay sex on TV is “dire”), deciding to incorporate a storyline on the, uh, shitty part of butt play and how it’s important for him to still, after “Special,” create stories about people living with disabilities.

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I’m gonna miss TV Ryan. Oh, I know, I know. It’s a bummer. But, uh, at least you get more time with him for Season 2, right?

How’re you feeling now that the show has come to an end? Honestly, it sounds weird to say, but I feel pretty good about it. I mean, obviously, the decision to end the show was not mine, but here’s the deal: I’m gonna give you a little blurry timeline of the show. We pitched it in 2015; it took four years to get made. Then it came out April 2019 and took us five months to get renewed and then COVID shut us down.

(It took) us two years for Season 2.

So, as amazing as the show has been, and incredible, it’s also kinda been like a bad boyfriend. This has been a part of my life for six years, so because we knew from the jump that this was going to be the last season, we were able to really craft, I think, a really complete and final season. So from the storyline perspective, it feels totally right. “Special” has been really incredible, but it’s been a really, really difficult show to make and it feels like it’s always hanging on by a thread and, yeah, I think I’m ready (laughs) for a new anxiety moment.

Difficult in the sense of you being so involved in every aspect of the show or…?

Well, no. That I love ‘cause I’m a Type A Virgo from hell, so that’s where I thrive. I refused to do 15 minutes again, so we had to do a whole new deal, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Everything was really protracted and it’s been a journey with the show, man. She has not been easy!

Listen, boyfriends are work too. They (are), and they give you amazing orgasms sometimes.

So what you’re saying is the payoff was worth it in the end? The payoff was totally worth it.

With this season, where do you end and where does the other Ryan begin? As the show’s gone on, the character of Ryan has become less and less like me, especially in Season 2. Season 1, honestly, wasn’t really like me either (laughs). I mean, I was never like this character; I was never this arrested development. I moved out

of my parents’ house at 18 — right on schedule! Lost my virginity at 17 — right on schedule! What I do relate to with this character of Ryan in Seasons 1 and 2 are the emotional themes, like what he’s struggling with, this feeling of, “Is he enough?” This struggle with self-worth and independence. That really resonates with me deeply. But in terms of the situations this little goof troop finds himself in, I don’t relate to that.

Like, I would never date someone in an open relash who has all these convoluted rules and be like, “Sure, I can see you Tuesday evening and I’m totally OK with that.” I mean, maybe I would’ve, honestly.

else around me comfortable while never asking, “Am I comfortable? Do I want to do this?” And then I would see straight, white males waltz around the world with such confidence, engaging their female baristas in non-consensual conversations about their band and my blood would boil because I’d just be like, I can’t imagine going into an interaction not fully wondering what the other person is feeling and taking their feelings into account.

I feel like I’m so hyperaware of how I’m being perceived and making sure that everyone else around me is OK with who I am. But I really have learned to let go of that completely and I just try to walk around with the confidence of a New York straight, white, male. I cosplay as one every day.

Not at the coffee shop, though.

I leave those baristas alone.

They don’t need any of this, they don’t.

They’re getting enough on their own. Exactly, exactly. They don’t need to hear about my day, I can tell you that right now.

I would have done that in my early 20s.

But the situation never presented itself to me. But emotionally I get it. I’ve been through what he’s been through.

I’m calling this season “Ryan’s journey to being a dom top.” Oh my. Well, at least emotionally, yeah. And actually, you’re right, he does top! Oh my god, you’re right! (Laughs.)

How could you have forgotten? The metaphor is very thinly veiled, I would say.

Very thinly veiled.

And I’m just obviously being as literal as possible. Well, I think it works both ways, baby. I think Ryan has been emotionally and physically bottoming for a lot of people and this season is all about him coming into his own and asserting what he wants and not apologizing for it.

He’s not apologizing for taking up space; that’s something I really, really relate to.

A couple years ago, I really experienced a shift in terms of realizing how much I was contorting myself to make everyone

It sounds like you had a past as a barista...

No! As if I could carry anything, are you kidding me? A barista is a guy with cerebral palsy’s worst nightmare. It’s like all the things he can’t do: hand-eye coordination, like balancing.

Oh my god, I would be fired immediately.

It would be a lawsuit waiting to happen.

As for the gay sex on “Special”: It’s not the kind of gay sex that’s watered the fuck down to make straight people more comfortable, which is why I love it so much.

Yes, it’s definitely … you can tell it’s written and performed by a gay person.

And also, I’ve been very vocal about how I only hire gay actors to play gay roles and people are like, “Um, it’s called acting, ever heard of it? That’s their literal job.”

And I’m like, “Honey, sweetie, darling, baby, that’s not what this is about. I understand, I’m very aware of what acting means, but we don’t live in a world where there’s an equal playing field and that’s why I wanna give people opportunities to get parts, because not a lot of people are giving them those opportunities.”

And also, from a selfish point of view, it’s much easier to shoot a gay sex scene with

34 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | Q&A

a gay actor than it is a straight actor. I don’t wanna fucking explain the mechanics of gay sex to a straight actor. Life is too short, honey.

Somebody had to say it. Yeah. But we definitely pushed the envelope. And then we cum all over it for Season 2 in terms of sex. Sex is my muse, for better or for worse. I just don’t understand why the representation of gay sex has been so dire.

It’s either hypersexualized and very porny and erotic, or it’s done in a tent, off-camera, and you just hear lots of grunting and moaning.

So it was really nice to not do any of that and also not have sex that’s cloaked in shame or secrecy. I’m not saying that there’s not value to those stories ‘cause it is a part of our existence, but I think we’ve reached a point where I’m like, “OK, I’m ready for us to level up for gay storytelling.” I’m interested now in stories that don’t revolve around our trauma and our pain, or that include our trauma and pain but also include like, you know, anal sex jokes. We contain multitudes.

Qsaltlake.com |

throughout the pandemic, and I was like, “This is the DNA of the show.” Like, I can’t. I was like, “I will die on this literal sex hill.” Truly. Like, literally die. When we talk about dying for your art, I didn’t realize I was going to be really metabolizing that in a literal sense for block two of shooting, but here we were, baby, here we were.

And those sex scenes, even for gay actors, are still pretty choreographed, right? Yeah, it is. Again, when you’re doing it with another gay guy, it’s pretty intuitive and

Season 2 also explores the pleasures of being gay. Which there are so many.

You couldn’t pay me to be straight, it’s horrifying. So I just think it’s really, really important that we tell a different kind of story, ‘cause I think we’ve earned it and I think we’re ready.

From what I know, this season was shot entirely during the pandemic, which means the sex scenes were also shot during the pandemic. Is that right? The first four episodes were shot pre-COVID. So what I’m saying is they were real (laughs). And then COVID came along and we’re like, “Oh no, I guess we have to fake it.” Just kidding! The first four episodes were done pre-COVID. It’s so funny watching the first four episodes ‘cause I feel like I have a literal record of the last month of the world before it changed aerobically forever. It’s so eerie. But again, with me and Max Jenkins, Max is a friend of mine and I’ve known him for a long time and there’s just a level of comfort between the two of us that, again, is another benefit of just shooting with gay friends.

There’s this ease that I feel I wouldn’t have with some rando straight stranger.

So I don’t feel like the pandemic actually made the sex scenes suffer. And I know that some people were cutting sex scenes

very easy to construct because we’ve all done it and we’ve all been there. It’s not like “Building a Mystery” by Sarah McLachlan.

On the topic of sex, I want to say that I really appreciate the storyline involving anal sex and poop. Oh my god, I know. Why has no one talked about that? That’s crazy.

Well, this is why we’re gonna talk about it.

I want to know everything about that bit in the show, and mostly why you decided to write a storyline involving the part of butt sex so few gay men talk about. Well,

ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

because it happened to me when I was 17, losing my virginity: I shit on my boyfriend-at-the-time’s dick and, again, there was no reference point for anal sex in 2004. There just wasn’t anything; there was no Netflix series tackling it (laughs) with care. So you kind of had to wing it.

And, uh, anal sex was really intense!

I remember the first few times we tried fucking, it hurt too bad ’cause I don’t think we even realized lube was a thing.

I mean, it was all very weird, it was a DIY affair. Then, finally, when I did my emotional exercises and was ready to do it, then that’s when I had the accident and I remember thinking, “Oh my god, is my asshole broken? Is this like a cerebral palsy thing? Like, what the fuck is going on?”

I remember Googling — or I don’t even know if there was Google, but whatever it was in 2004 — “Anal. Shit. Sex.” Nothing really came up. So I remember feeling a lot of shame about that, and I didn’t know about douching or anything like that so whenever I have to go through something and suffer, I’m always like, “Wow, this is a nice opportunity for someone who is a teenager who may be thinking about having anal sex for the first time to know that this does happen.” Shit happens, literally. And you’re not freakish, your asshole is not broken.

Honey, it’s a part of the fabric of our gay ass lives.

And in the show, you take the shame out of it, which is great. Yeah, I actually just thought it was an interesting kind of turn for Tanner (Jenkins) to have the sexual misstep, as it were, and have Ryan not respond in a kind of chic, compassionate way, because Tanner’s been kind of compassionate with him and anytime that Ryan kind of acts in an uninvolved way is very interesting to me. I’m a big advocate that marginalized people exist, but they can also exist as very flawed and not always doing the right thing, ‘cause I think, again, we’re given this tiny space to exist but we better be virtuous and be magical and wonderful. And so I thought it was an interesting way to make Ryan sort of the asshole, as it were, in the sexual experience with Tanner. I thought it was just an interesting little wrinkle for their doomed relationship.

Something that I have also never seen on TV: the guy who you meet who fetishisizes disability. Were you faced with a situa-

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tion like that in your own life? I’ve never been fetishized, but I’ve heard about it and I know that it’s a thing. I think they’re called “devotees,” and I thought it was an interesting way to explore Ryan grappling with his self-worth. So it was really important to me that it was very clear that this is a consensual experience.

Ryan’s not being sexually assaulted. The guy says, “Is this OK?” and Ryan says yes because that’s a very real thing that we don’t talk about, which is basically sex that you’re not comfortable having but you don’t necessarily have the self-esteem to MacGyver yourself out of it.

How do you hope “Special” has enlightened people within the LGTBQ+ community, and beyond, who haven’t really considered the experiences of someone who is a queer person with a disability? I hate the word “normal,” ‘cause what is normal? But so little is discussed in terms of disability. I feel like the disabled people often exist on the fringes of our society because they are quite literally shut out, based on this world not being accessible on a very basic level. So I think that the dialogue around disability is happening, but I still think it’s not happening to the level that it should and I think people feel uncomfortable when talking about disability. I feel like they’re worried about saying the wrong thing. I think with “Special,” you know, comedy is the best superpower that I have, that I’ve used throughout my life to get through it. And I think that when you give people permission to laugh, it creates this general ease and comfort.

Ryan is disabled, but you don’t have to be disabled to be feeling the things that he’s feeling. So I think it’s really just

important to show a gay character who doesn’t fit the physical ideals. I hope that it normalizes disability and I hope that it adds more texture to the queer experience, because in a lot of ways TV is gayer than ever.

I feel like you can’t sell a pilot without including a gay guy in there. But I still think that gay men are rarely allowed to be the complicated main course of the show. I think they’re often relegated to being the appetizer. So I think it’s really important that we show gay men and (their) rich interior life, not just in the context of them, like, shopping or being comedic relief.

Totally, which is what you do. You accomplish that in Season 2 with Ryan.

There’s moments when he’s not particularly likable. We’re not all likable. I just feel like TV exists in this really binary way where it’s either someone is really virtuous or amazing, or they’re a fucking asshole. People aren’t total assholes, and they’re not totally amazing. They exist in between, and I think that’s always what I try to show with Ryan and other characters: that, yes, they can act deeply flawed, but they can also be incredible.

Looking ahead, what kind of stories do you want to tell next or be a part of? And in what form: film or television? Picasso had his Blue Period, and I’m still in my Gay Disabled Period. So, I wrote a novel called “Just By Looking At Him” that is about a gay guy with cerebral palsy who writes for TV. What?! She didn’t stray too far for this one! That’s being adapted into a movie with Greg Berlanti producing, so I’m gonna be writing that and starring in it, which will be really great. Then I sold a show to HBO Max called “Accessible,” which is a teen disabled comedy, which I hope gets picked up to series.

Sometimes I feel like, “Should I really kind of dive into disability again?” or “I’ve already done that,” but the fact is that there’s so much that has not been explored and that’s what really gets me excited as a storyteller: when you can say things like, “Wow, I’ve never seen that on TV before.”

It’s crazy that we’re still saying that in 2021. Even though there are approximately 40 million shows on the air, there are things that still have stigma and still have taboo. So I’m only going to be playing in the world of disability for a little bit longer! And we’ll see what happens.

This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity. Q Chris Azzopardi is the editorial director of Pride Source Media Group and Q Syndicate. He has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Cher, Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. His work has also appeared in The New York Times, Vanity Fair, GQ and Billboard. Reach him via Twitter @chrisazzopardi.

36 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

Tiny Houses.

Big Futures.

Qsaltlake.com |

ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

National Geographic series spotlights Kayla Gore, a trans woman building homes for trans women of color

BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI

Home is

where the heart is, but sadly too many people are heartless when it comes to those who are homeless. Especially when those people are trans women of color.

Ten years ago when Kayla Gore experienced homelessness and needed emergency shelter, “there was nothing out there for me,” she says.

She slept in parks. She did not feel safe or secure.

Today, Gore works to combat homelessness for transgender women of color in her hometown of Memphis. Gore is a co-founder of My Sistah’s House, an organization that provides emergency housing, support, meals and other resources to people experiencing homelessness. Her story is one of six featured in the new anthology doc series “IMPACT with Gal Gadot,” now on National Geographic’s YouTube channel.

The series highlights the stories of women around the world who are working to better their communities, like Kameryn Everett, a figure skater who coaches and empowers young Black girls

in Detroit, and Arianna Font Martin, who set out to get clean drinking water to people in Puerto Rico after 2017’s devastating hurricane.

Gadot, who is famously this generation’s onscreen Wonder Woman, refers to Gore and the other women she highlights

in the series as her “Women of Wonder,” as she called them during the virtual winter Television Critics Association press tour recently.

According to “IMPACT,” homelessness in the trans population is three times higher than the general population.

While some cities have shelter beds set aside for transgender people, Memphis is not one of them. In fact, admittance to a shelter is often based on biological sex, which leaves transgender people with few options. “So most trans people choose not to use the services of shelters here in Memphis,” Gore says in “IMPACT.” My Sistah’s House grew out of a need for options for the trans women of color who would come seeking emergency shelter at the LGBTQ community center OUTMemphis where Gore was working.

According to Gore, there were only a couple of organizations that allowed trans women, but those places were always full with a waiting list.

Gore ended up opening her own house to those in need, even though it was against the community center’s policy. It was “very grass roots,” Gore says.

“Very word of mouth.”

Eventually Gore and others got the opportunity to buy a house that could shelter multiple people. But there was still a great need for permanence. “What

JUNE, 2021 |

ISSUE 324 | Qsaltlake.com

we realized in our journey with My Sistah’s House was that when we became homeowners we had a lot more autonomy over how we governed our space,” Gore says on “IMPACT.” “So we wanted to pass that blessing on to the individuals in our membership, which is home ownership in the form of a tiny house.”

So in June of 2020, Gore started a GoFundMe with the goal of building 20 tiny houses to give trans women of color a safe place to call their own.

Why tiny houses? Cost, says Gore. Tiny houses are more economical to build, which means My Sistah’s House can afford to build more homes in order to help more people.

“We want to be able to help people plan ahead,” says Gore.

“These homes will allow people to plan for five years or plan for 10 years. People can go back to school, people can actually live a full life thriving versus only being able to plan for a week or a month in advance.”

In other words, giving someone a home is giving them a future.

The biggest challenge My Sistah’s House faces is, not surprisingly, resources. Demand for MSH’s services have only gone up during the pandemic. “For the need to be so great, and for the resources to not be as great, that’s always an issue for us,” Gore says.

“My life experiences make me want to make sure that trans women don’t have to endure what I endured,” Gore says, tearing up as the cameras roll on “IMPACT.” “If there’s one thing I’d like people to know about trans folks is that we’re human, that we have feelings, and that we’re worthy.

Everything that we’re asking for or everything that we’re entitled to, we are worthy of it.” Q The bulk of My Sistah’s House’s funding comes from individual donors. To learn more about and to make a donation, visit mshmemphis.org

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 37

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38 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | SEX

sex and salt lake city

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ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

New relationship energy

BY DR. LAURIE BENNETT-COOK

The Grand

Finale of my kiddos is getting married in only a couple of weeks.

It’s almost surreal to comprehend how little life changes from day to day but when one looks back at all those days it’s easy to get lost and you find yourself faced with a completely new existence.

In my practice, I do a lot of counseling with people either entering or exiting relationships. It’s always interesting to me how those entering relationships are excited to do whatever they can to make their new partner happy or make their partner’s dayto-day life easier. But those who are transitioning out of relationships are quick to say how much resentment they feel for having always done so much for the other person. I see this cycle regardless of the configuration – D/s, monogamy, polyamory, swinging, long-distance, blended family, etc. I often wonder when and why the desire to bring smiles and happiness to the other person left?

The acronym NRE, for New Relationship Energy, is a pretty common term in polyamorous circles, but it doesn’t just apply to that community.

It’s a term used to describe the excitement and new connection a person experiences when entering a new relationship. One can also experience

NRE with a new child, the purchase of a home or car, a new job, etc. with something or someone new. All of the focus and attention is on the new shiny thing and not much else around can compete. That is until the newness wears off. And inevitably, the newness always wears off.

The new baby grows into a teenager. The new job becomes “work.” The new car or home needs repairs. The new relationship … well, you just no longer seem to understand each other or make each other happy.

With the planning of a wedding, my daughter is all caught up in NRE. As she and her new spouse solidify their commitment to each other in oh so holy matrimony, I have given a lot of thought about things I’ve observed over the years that make for successful relationships – regardless of their configuration.

My biggest observation — Be Kind. That’s it. Over time partners just lose interest and stop being kind. The little sweet things that were done just to “show you care” seem to fall by the wayside and become a chore.

No, it is not your responsibility to “make another person happy.” But if (for instance) if you know full well that your partner really appreciates the dishwasher emptied each morning, then why would

you withhold such a simple action? I find it so interesting how many people will go to great lengths to please their kiddo by preparing their favorite meal or give extra hugs and focus when they express they’ve had a rough day. People will show up for friends and show support when suffering or celebrating.

But with partners, those same actions go out the window.

When my partner and I married some 20 years ago, we were gifted a journal. The journal was for the two of us to write love notes to each other whenever we felt compelled. At first, it started out sweet and loving. Over time it became a rundown of our daily lives and yes, sometimes that included our frustrations and anger with each other.

But the one thing consistent with this journal is that at any point, either of us can scroll back and instantly be refreshed of the kindness and sweetness one has shown for the other. Twenty years later, we’re on our sixth journal.

Our journal, as well as my professional observations, remind me that relationships

with anything and anyone take awareness and work — whether it be with a partner, a kiddo, parents, a job, a car, a home, etc. Yes, some more than others and some prove themselves to be quite abusive or toxic. In those instances, it’s good to cut your losses and run. But the bulk of relationships tend to slide into a place that people don’t feel they can recover from simply because of neglect. As I said above, not much changes day to day, but looking back it’s all confusion about where it all went wrong.

So my gift to the newlyweds will be a journal. And my advice: Don’t ever stop getting to know and be kind to the person before you — both in the mirror and across the table. May you recognize the person before you is on your side, to help you grow and experience all the beauty both internally and externally.

Play. Laugh. Love. And … Be Kind. Q Dr. Laurie Bennett-Cook is a Clinical Sexologist with a private practice. She divides her time between Salt Lake City and Palm Springs, Calif. She can be reached at DrLaurieBennettCook@gmail.com

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Pandemic sex-cam browsing led one photographer to an art project involving Grindr guys, their homes and one very stinky situation

BY LAWRENCE FERBER

A couple

of blocks east from Manhattan’s Empire State Building in the neighborhood known as Murray Hill, 25-year-old Taiwan-born photographer Hsiang-Hsi Lu fires off a Grindr message.

“He’s Taiwanese!” Lu remarks with a tinge of pleasant surprise about the 20-something recipient, perhaps hopeful that their shared heritage may garner a positive response and invitation to connect. But Lu doesn’t want a date, hookup, LTR or “plug” — he wants to shoot photos of the guy’s apartment.

“Grindr Profiles” is the working title of Lu’s latest art project: photographing the living spaces of people — mostly cisgender male, but all gender identities are game — he meets through Grindr and accompanying the image with the occu-

pant’s blurred face photo and respective profile text. (Lu’s own reads: “I’m doing a photo project about ppl’s lifestyles. No nudity, no identifiable face pic will be involved. Your real ID is confidential!

Lmk if interested.”) A sampling of his 80-plus entries to date are viewable on his Instagram account, although he ultimate-

ly plans to create an online interactive map of NYC and its boroughs including Queens, Brooklyn, The Bronx and Staten Island, with subjects and interiors from each neighborhood.

“I still haven’t been to most of the neighborhoods, so it will take at least a half year to finish this project,” he says.

“I’m generally a curious person, so I’m trying to understand humans through the digital world, and that’s why I document people and collect data from Grindr and turn it into an index. So we can see the slight differences.”

Although the openly gay Lu admits to more traditional sorts of experience with Grindr during his college years, it was during the COVID-19 lockdown last year that he got bored and redownloaded the app. Also during this time, Lu tumbled

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down the rabbit hole of live webcam shows on Chaturbate, which inspired an antecedent to “Grindr Profiles” titled “Cam Rooms.” “I found their living environments very fascinating,” he confesses, “so I started screenshotting when they went out of the room. It helped me develop my current project. But “Grindr Profiles” has more weight, is more independent and fully controlled.”

Raised in Taoyuan, Taiwan (just outside Taipei), Lu moved to New York in 2018 and earned an MPS degree in fashion photography at the School of Visual Arts. Inspired by the work of artist Hans Haacke and early Dan Graham, and disenchanted with fashion photography, Lu launched “Grindr Profiles” in August 2020.

Based in Sunset Park, Brooklyn, he started fishing for subjects locally, messaging people in adjacent neighborhoods and scoring sessions in Bedstuy, Crown Heights and Bushwick. Spending around 30 minutes on each photo shoot (longer if the subject is chatty), he later traveled to different parts of NY, planting himself

in a public park, store or subway station to message and respond, targeting a wide variety of demographics.

He admits it’s been challenging finding willing subjects in certain neighborhoods, notably the posh West Village, trendy Bedford Street section of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, and Chinatowns of lower Manhattan, Brooklyn and Flushing Queens (yes, NY boasts three distinct Chinatowns). “They’re a little more conservative,” he muses. “I didn’t meet any in person for now, so I don’t know their situations, but I assume probably because

of their family situations.”

Although some Grindr users are incredulous at first — “people say, ‘Why are you asking me this question?’ and some ask for money, but I’ll generally say I can offer you lunch or something” — Lu has also dealt with the typical Grindr trappings of receiving unsolicited dick pics (which he ignores), an encounter with a horny subject who didn’t really care about the project (“he worked in the medical field and just wanted to have sex, but we ended up just chatting, so it’s fine”), and realizing he entered a home that he

wanted to flee almost immediately.

“Yes, in Staten Island,” Lu recalls. “He was like a hoarder and his room was packed with unnecessary stuff and his dog slept in a pile of trash. It was very smelly, and he used foil to block his windows to prevent people from seeing in. That was very intense. He was an OK person, but his lifestyle was kind of horrible!”

Conversely, Lu has also been welcomed into a few exemplary, literally fashion spread-worthy spaces by well-known designers and artists, including the Ft. Greene, Brooklyn house of an interior designer that is routinely rented out for photoshoots. “But I’m trying to keep it balanced,” Lu emphasizes, “because that’s not how most people live. I try to get people from the top to bottom, so you can see their actual worlds.”

Winding things up in Murray Hill, Lu’s Grindr lights up with a response from the 20-something, and they exchange another message.

Well? A Murray Hill success?

“He said no,” Lu replies. “That’s common. I don’t take it personally.” Q NY-raised entertainment and travel journalist Lawrence Ferber has contributed to publications including Entertainment Weekly, New York Magazine, National Geographic Traveler, The Advocate, NewNowNext, The NY Post and TripSavvy. He also co-wrote/co-created the 2010 gay romcom “BearCity” and authored its 2013 novelization.

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ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

Too Soon?

Not if you’re Alaska Thunderfuck.

The reigning ‘Drag Race’ queen has dirty jokes for days in her first-ever comedy special

BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI

Are Alaska

Thunderfuck’s filthy jokes about Jeffrey Epstein, “genderfluids,” labia and poop too much for our world on fire? Alaska, even though she has a song called “Anus,” thought maybe they were. She wasn’t sure if an assault joke in 2021 would fly.

So the winner of “RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars” Season 2 consulted comedy queens Jackie Beat, Sherry Vine and Margaret Cho, no stranger to bowel jokes herself, to see if she was out of her damn mind. They didn’t exactly say she wasn’t, but they also did give Alaska just enough confidence to release “The Alaska Thunderfuck Extra Special Comedy Special,” her premiere standup gig. The special is airing now on OUTtv, the first LGBTQ+ Apple TV channel now available on the Apple TV app.

In late March, Thunderfuck appeared on Zoom against a palmleaf-patterned backdrop — “one of the many walls in my giant palatial mansion,” she joked. Just like in her comedy special, noth-ing was off limits: not how some of her jokes fell flat, not what she thinks of the entry rules on “Drag Race,” and definitely not how she’d “walk the fuck out” of a hypothetical winners edition of “All Stars” if they, God forbid, did it teams-style.

I feel like with this comedy special, you keep just checking boxes. Drag queen, comedy queen. What can’t Alaska do? I can’t do math really good. So I have an amazing accountant. And I also don’t know how to use TikTok. I cannot

figure it out. My 10-year-old niece is really good at it; she can. I thought I would try and show my variety and try to do comedy. I know I’ve always been just a look queen and a glamour girl.

So this is a huge step for me to try and tell jokes.

Has a career in drag prepared you for a career in comedy? I mean, I don’t know.

It was hard, and I was really trepidatious about doing it because I was like, “Yes, I’m funny, but I’m not a comedian.” Like, I have so much respect for comedians who go out there and pound the fucking circuit of comedy clubs and (are) having bottles thrown at them and learning their craft. I’m like, “I am a visual artist who does drag, who can tell jokes. Some-times with an OK success rate.”

Was it harder than you thought it would be then? The jokes part, that was great.

That was fun. It was learning how to do dance moves. That was harder.

(Laughs.) I couldn’t just do a comedy special where I tell jokes. I had to be Team Too Much. I had to, like, put in musical numbers and dance numbers and a drag contest.

You being extra — that’s not a stretch.

Right. Here I sit before you in a zebra hat, zebra dress, in front of a palm leaf on a pink back-ground.

Are we looking at a giant palm leaf sheet in the background? What exactly is that? Well, why don’t you tell your (readers) that it is just one of the many walls in my giant palatial mansion? It’s expensive wallpaper. It may appear to be a duvet cover barely pinned to the ceiling, barely covering the mess of fucking drag behind it, but don’t let your eyes deceive you. It is just one of the many huge walls in my mansion.

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Going back, were you a funny kid? I mean, my family has a fucking amazing sense of humor and they’re so funny. My mom is so hilarious. My dad was really funny. My uncles are the stupidest, funniest people ever. Humor was always going around and happening in my family. But I was never a funny kid because I was too shy and too scared of people. I was like, “I’m gay and I’m weird and I just wanna hide in my room.”

Was comedy a defense mechanism for you like it is for a lot of gay kids? See, for me, it never got to that point. My defense mechanism was not being seen. I just tried to disappear. I tried to be a gecko and change to the color of the wall. That was my defense mecha-nism. (Laughs.)

How are you feeling now that this special has been released into the world? I feel great about it now. (Laughs.) It’s been 87 years since we filmed this. It’s been so long, and it’s not an understatement to say the entire world has changed so much. We filmed this in pre-COVID Hollywood, and a few months went by, (then) COVID happened. The quarantine happened. All these things happened. I was like, “Is this appropriate? Why the fuck do I need to be like, ‘Look at me telling jokes, toots!’ Should I even be doing this?

What the fuck is going on?” So luckily, we made it a part of the thing, a part of the movie. We have interviews with my com-edy guru mentors and they help assure me that the world needs laughter and comedy now more than, I think, ever.

There is something to be said about laughter being the best medicine. It’s gotten me through this last year. Just laughing myself silly watching “Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar.” And you could’ve been in that movie based on your Zoom background. I mean, I don’t know why you weren’t. (Laughs.) I know. I was supposed to be Reba McEntire’s part, but you know, it’s OK. I read for it. Reba McEntire was 12th in line to play Trish. I was 11th. She got it... OK? Going back to the comedy special: What kind of workshopping went into you preparing for the special? I’m constantly writing jokes and a lot of them are just really horrible, and they’re not funny.

But if I hear someone say a word on a

thing and then I think of something that rhymes with it, I write it down in a file. It was basically years worth of just bad jokes that I had written and I was like, “We’re clearing out the file with this comedy special, OK? We’re gonna put the puns in there. We’re gonna put the fucking poop jokes in there. We’re gonna put the drag jokes in there.”

To me, a lot … like Alaska doesn’t talk about dating people or doing drugs. She doesn’t talk about that stuff. She maybe does them, but she doesn’t talk about it.

So I had to make it this oth-er character, which is like this comedian character that Sherry Vine calls something Rivers. Uh...

Phyllis Rivers. Phyllis Rivers. Yeah. Because it’s a mixture of Phyllis Diller and Joan Rivers. But yeah, I just cleared out my joke file and some of them are good, some of them (laughs) you could hear a pin drop. But you know what? That’s comedy. I did no workshopping. This was not a finessed com-edy set that I had built for years trying out with audiences, trying out different wording. It was literally like, “Here’s the jokes. I hope you like them.”

When you’re up there and jokes are not hitting like you had hoped they would, what are you feeling? I was feeling like, “This is gonna be good footage.” It’s like the moment before a nuclear bomb drops.

It’s just perfect pin-drop silence.

Aside from Margaret Cho, what other comedians did you look up to growing up?

Well, I always loved TV. I was really obsessed with TV. I was always getting told I watched too much TV as a child.

So sitcom jokes, that sort of rhythm of the setup and the knockdown and the punchline is sort of ingrained in me. “The Golden Girls” is a part of my bloodstream.

That sort of hokey jokey, here’s the setup, you see it from a mile away, and there it is — I love that sort of comedy. Which is also why I love Phyllis Diller and I love Joan Rivers and I love — sor-ry, I’m drinking LaCroix, so I’m burping. I love Rodney Dangerfield so much. Just wacky, goofy — that type of humor is my shit.

It’s my jam.

I don’t wanna get too far off the grid here, but since you brought up “The Golden Girls,” it seems like a good time to ask you

what you thought of Elliott’s Blanche for Snatch Game on the latest season of “Drag Race.” Leave meeting. Um, no. Well, the thing is: It was stacked against her from the beginning. Even RuPaul said, “Molly, you’re in danger, girl.” (Laughs.) During the walkthrough, RuPaul was like, “Just don’t do it, babe. You’re gonna drown.”

Um, and she kind of did.

Would I go in if I got to go do Snatch Game again? I would, probably. That was gonna be one of my characters. If I didn’t do Mae West, it was going to be Rue McClanahan. So if I ever go back on “Drag Race,” I probably will do it and I will rise up to the challenge. And I hope that it goes better than Elliott’s.

How did the comedy jacket and the comedy wig and the entire comedy look help you get in-to the comedy zone for this special? It comes down to the power of clothing and the power of drag. It’s like different clothes literally make you feel a different way to make you hold yourself a different way. I found it very im-portant to put on the big oversized blazer. I needed it.

I needed some no-frills hair, so I wasn’t worrying about whether my fucking Cher hair was flowing. Like, no, I just needed short, crazy, crazy hair.

How has being a drag queen been good training for being a comedian? Well, to me, they’re not that different. I think drag inherently is rooted in humor because it’s pok-ing fun at the idea of conventions of gender: what is it that makes a man in this society and makes a woman in this society, and those rules are ultimately so arbitrary and so out of nowhere. So just absurd. So drag clowns all of those conventions and calls them into question and makes fun of them and “winks, winks” at you while it’s doing it. I think inherently there is humor in the absurdity of just like, What the fuck is gender? What is society? What is clothing?

Being a queen in quarantine this last year — what’s that been like? It’s been really hard. And it was really hard on the drag community, because overnight all of your places that you do your thing (at) are gone now. They’re closed. And you’re also last in line for it to come back. It was really hard on the drag community. But it’s also really inspiring because the next

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day the queens were all like, “Uh, OK, well, I have a digital show now and I’m doing a show on Twitch and I have a weekly show on Instagram.” And so it’s been really hard, but it’s been inspiring to see that drag can survive the apocalypse.

Are you still into these drive-in shows you’ve been doing? Are they weird?

Do you want to ever do them again post-pandemic?

It’s a little weird because everyone is so far away and I’m the type of performer…

I like to sweat on you. I want you to spit on me when you’re screaming. I want to share the microphone with you and exchange fluids with you when I’m on stage. I love getting to be on stage and, yes, the audience is really spread out and they’re farther away, but you still get that vibe of having an ac-tual audience. And there’s nothing that can replace that.

I loved seeing that a drag king, Tenderoni, won your very own drag competition, The Drag of the Year Pageant Competition Awards Contest Competition. It’s a mouthful, you know. I know a mouthful, and that’s a mouthful. The competition was all inclusive. What forms of drag would you like to see elevated, and how would you like to see the art form diversify moving forward? The reason Lola (LeCroix) and I started doing the Drag Queen of the Year Pageant is: drag has always been crazy diverse. It has always been; you’re sharing a dressing room with the drag kings and the AFAB (Assigned Female at Birth) performers and the male performers and the burlesque performers. Anyone who has done drag for more than five minutes knows that to be the reality. So we found it really strange that there wasn’t a competition that was open to all these different avenues of drag; it was always very compartmentalized.

I mean, “Drag Race” is the sort of gold standard of drag competitions in the current landscape of the world. And the good thing that’s hopeful is “Drag Race” is always changing it up and always evolving with the times. So, I could see a

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drag king getting thrown into the mix. I think it’s pos-sible.

I also wonder if it’s taken too long to get to where “Drag Race” has gotten. We’re on season 13, and while it’s great that the first trans contestant is a part of the show, do you think that there are too many rules on the show in general? Well, OK: I love the fucking show and a lot of people do and it’s changed culture and it’s changed the world. But they do have rules to entry, and if it were up to me, I would blow the walls off and I would say, “Let’s have everyone apply and see what that looks like.” Do I think that’s going to happen? Probably not anytime soon. But it is hopeful to see the people who put on “Drag Race” are very aware of culture and they are always actively changing the show and keep-ing it fresh and keeping it current. That makes me hopeful.

Who might you be interested in having a Snatch Game with if there was a winners season of the show? Oh my god. Jinkx, Bob the Drag Queen, fucking Monét X Change — as long as she does Whit-ney Houston. Sharon (Needles). Aquaria, oh my god. Yes, all of that. All of those divas.

If they do the dreaded teams format from “All Stars” Season 1, what winner would you want to be paired with? If they try to pull that shit, I would leave. I would pull a Ginny Lemon and walk the fuck out because we’re not doing that team shit.

No, that’s trash. They absolutely couldn’t do it. And if I had to be on a team, I would want to be on Bob’s team because Bob is so fucking funny. We work really well together. And Bob knows everything about “Drag Race.” Like, I thought I knew shit about “Drag Race.” Bob knows the most about “Drag Race.”

What’s next for you? Might you record another album at some point? Um, maybe.

Okay. You’re in the studio.

(Coyly.) I don’t know! Stay tuned.

This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.

Chris Azzopardi is the editorial director of Pride Source Media Group and Q Syndicate. He has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Cher, Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. His work has also appeared in The New York Times, Vanity Fair, GQ and Billboard. Reach him via Twitter @chrisazzopardi.

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positive thoughts

I had to get past the stigma of having HIV. Then I had to do the same for mental illness.

BY MARIAH WILBERG

I was 19

years old and pregnant when I received my HIV

diagnosis in 2006.

“This is punishment,” I thought, just rewards for the survival sex I turned to on the streets of Minneapolis as a homeless, runaway teen. I already felt unlovable because of my history of sex work. Now it felt like the love I had to give would be literal poison.

My abusive partner, who tested HIV negative, reinforced these fears. He said I was lucky to have him. Without him, I’d still be on the streets selling my body, he said. And nobody else wanted a dirty, diseased bitch.

When he went to prison, I fell apart. I had no support system. I relapsed almost immediately, and I wasn’t being the mother I wanted to be for my newborn daughter.

I stopped taking my HIV meds. It was so easy to take them when pregnant to keep her from being born with HIV, but then so hard to take them just for myself. Besides, the other drugs I was taking — cocaine and ecstasy — made me feel good. Unlike the HIV medications, which were a constant reminder of my unworthiness.

When my daughter was 8 months old, I was arrested for selling drugs. Out on bond, I impulsively fled from Minnesota to Texas. My daughter was safe at my parents’ house, and I figured, “I already have a death sentence, so I’ll be damned if I spend my last years, the rest of my life, in prison.”

After I missed court, my parental rights were terminated and a felony warrant was

issued for my arrest.

I buried my HIV deep and locked it away, telling no one. The one time I re-engaged with HIV care while on the run, a roommate discovered my pills and told our mutual friends and my then partner. I convinced them she was lying to hurt me — and in the garbage went the HIV meds.

After four years as a fugitive, I was on my way home to visit my family for the holidays.

I had just told my daughter I would see her in the morning over the phone; I was never to see her again, as of yet.

We were pulled over after that phone call, and I spent the holidays in jail, instead of with family. I was sent to prison shortly after.

There, I received an AIDS diagnosis. I was 25 years old. I could no longer afford the luxury of denial; it was killing me. In group therapy, I told my secret to a group of women I had come to know and love.

I saw no fear, no disgust. “It could have been me,” they said. “Thank you for sharing, I now think differently about HIV because of you.”

My life suddenly made sense. I had the power to transform my pain into purpose.

“I’ve made it this far so that I can help others,” I thought. In prison, I began to learn how to love myself. All of me.

When I left prison in 2013, I knew I was done with closets. I settled down in St. Paul and was quickly embraced by Minnesota’s HIV community — my community. I became a volunteer HIV educator, which quickly turned into a paid position. Learning that my undetectable viral load meant I was unable to transmit HIV through sex was the final blow to my internalized stigma. I could love without fear! I started dating, this time, sharing my status.

I was relieved to find that most people were receptive after learning more about HIV. However, it didn’t all go smoothly. After disclosing my status to a potential partner, I noticed some red flags and stopped talking to him. In retaliation, he put my picture, name, and HIV status on social media. It was my community that kept me safe, holding me tight as I received death threats from strangers online.

That was the worst-case scenario I always feared, but I was strangely relieved. Because I realized then that the fears were far worse than the reality.

Months later, I met my husband. He chose science over stigma, and we recently celebrated our sixth anniversary. I wanted to make sure all people living with HIV knew the truth about their bodies. So I incorporat-

ed the most recent science about treatment as prevention into the presentations I did as an educator and prevention worker.

Later, as a communications specialist for the state of Minnesota, I led us to be the third state to sign on to the undetectable equals untransmittable (U=U) campaign. I also coordinated a U=U transit campaign with millions of views. Since 2019, I’ve been leading the implementation of END HIV MN for the state. Not only am I done with HIV stigma in my own life, but I am also privileged to work alongside my community on statewide efforts to reduce stigma for everyone.

This is my dream job! It’s the reason I sacrificed, spending seven years of full-time school on top of full-time work to earn a bachelor’s and master’s degree.

Yet as work-from-home dragged into the fall of 2020 because of the COVID pandemic, my dream job started to feel more like a nightmare.

I was wracked by guilt as the pandemic upended much of my work. Projects were moving slowly or put on hold as staff reassignments and a hiring freeze turned my coordinator position — designed to lead project teams across departments — into a one-person show.

I felt like a constant failure, like I was letting my community down. I was isolating myself, scared to leave the house, uninterested in video calls with family or friends. I didn’t think I was depressed. I told myself, “I can still get out of bed. I’m still going to work. I’m not sad, I’m just overwhelmed.

Everything is just so hard.” I was drinking more and more, mostly to escape the feelings of failure and get some sleep.

Then I suddenly developed an aversion to alcohol and quit drinking around the new year. I’ve done that before in the past, cycled through times of heavy drinking and total abstinence. I was overdoing it anyways, so I didn’t give it much thought. Besides, my husband and I are saving up for in vitro fertilization, so stopping was a good thing.

Sleep was elusive without the alcohol. My thoughts would race, magnifying my every fear. It might start with, “Should I have worded that email a little differently?” It always ended with, “You are failing, everyone secretly hates you, and you’re terrible at your job.”

Objectively, I knew that wasn’t true. I was even participating in the Emerging Leaders Institute for the State of Minnesota. But logic was no match for these feelings.

Then came the panic attacks. I usually have maybe one a year — now I was having one every few days. My heart was racing, sometimes

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resting at over 120 beats a minute. I couldn’t understand why my anxiety, usually limited to overthinking, was now showing up in my body.

I was worried about money. My husband lost his day job during the pandemic. Ever since, he’s working around the clock to grow his own automotive detailing business from part time to full time.

Even though I knew winter is a slow season for detailing, I became suspicious of the fact that he wasn’t pitching in as much financially.

And then, Aha! Suddenly, it all made sense.

The panic attacks, the insomnia, the racing heart — “It’s my body telling me something,” I decided. “I know what it is now. My husband is hiding something.”

I became fixated. I was investigating him, looking for evidence to back up my fears.

I found none, but that didn’t dissuade me.

My brain wove snippets of phone calls and meaningless events into an intricate story of a double life. I thought he was using our home security cameras to listen in and spy on me, to monitor whether I had learned his secrets.

I finally confronted him. He was adamant and believable in his denials. And a month prior, we were excitedly discussing the types of parents we’d be together. But I still had a gut feeling that something was wrong. Very wrong. I was so confused.

It felt like he was speaking to me in subliminal messages, trying to hurt me. I spent hours researching gaslighting, trying to understand why I was doubting my own perceptions. When he spoke to me, I sensed an underlying malice, hidden meanings. I finally told him that I wanted a divorce.

He stayed on the couch, where he had already been sleeping for days. I went upstairs to our bedroom and saw the smoke detector on the dresser, from months before when I watched him take it off the wall because it was chirping.

Only this time, I wondered if he was planning to set the house on fire and kill me for insurance money.

That’s when I knew something was very wrong — with me. My husband wasn’t gaslighting me; my own brain was. I realized I hadn’t eaten in days and had barely been sleeping. But I was neither tired nor hungry.

I asked my husband to take me to the ER. When I got there, my heart rate was over 180 beats a minute, and I had an immediate EKG test. Even as he held my hand tightly, I was flipping back and forth between understanding I was having a medical issue and fearing that he was orchestrating this, to get me

POSITIVE THOUGHTS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 47

admitted and out of the way.

Those thoughts only stopped after a medication to rebalance my neurotransmitters dissolved under my tongue.

As I calmed down, they told me I was experiencing mania. The fear and confusion, paranoia, altered perceptions and false beliefs were symptoms of psychosis. The doctors said that had I wandered in alone in the state I was in, I would have surely been admitted.

But since I had a support person with me, I should continue taking the medication they had just given me and follow up next week.

As we finally got home after a very long night, I Googled my new meds. Zyprexa (olanzapine), an antipsychotic. I noticed a visceral reaction in my gut. I’ve been here before, confronting stigma in a pill bottle.

A little over a month later, I am still confirming the suspected diagnosis of bipolar disorder, with a full neuro-psychiatric test scheduled later this spring. My new provider strongly suspects that I am living with attention deficit disorder as well.

I am not afraid of these new labels; rather, I am empowered with this new lens. It puts so much of my life in perspective: running away from home, the homelessness, the sex work, my HIV diagnosis, my incarceration, my relationship with drugs and alcohol, my yo-yoing body weight.

Did I only gain 15 pounds during pregnancy from the HIV meds alone, or was I manic also? After my baby was born, was I really just a bad mom, or was it more likely that I had experienced postpartum depression?

Looking back, I have more empathy for my younger self. I don’t believe in regrets — I am exactly where I’m supposed to be in life.

But I do wonder if my child would be with me now, as I so desperately want, had I been diagnosed at a younger age.

I now see how my internalized stigma of mental illness prevented that earlier diagnosis. I channeled all my symptoms into two socially acceptable categories: I am anxious, or I am overwhelmed.

Once I recognized the stigma, I was set free. I have no desire to climb into a closet.

Instead, I immediately knew that I would — I must — be open and transparent about this part of my journey. I know that our stories triumph over stigma. HIV taught me that.

I hear the stigma informing my friend’s gentle questions. “Are you sure you want to be open about this?” “Don’t you want to take some time and think about it?” and “As long as being open doesn’t hurt other areas of wellness — like employment.”

They are not trying to silence me — they

are my friends. But they worry about what I’m up against.

Unstable. Dangerous. Crazy. These are some of the many labels that society assigns to people living with mental illnesses or differences, people who aren’t neurotypical.

But these do not describe me, not at all. I will not participate in stigmatizing myself.

Just as I learned to reject labels like “dirty” or “diseased,” I reject these labels, and the idea that I should keep this a secret.

I love myself, and my brain. The same gifts that have allowed me to build a life and career I am proud of are the same things that got dialed up too high during my episode.

I wouldn’t trade my brain for anything. I believe it is different, but not ill.

Others in my life reacted warily to my suspected diagnosis and new mental health meds. “You probably don’t need to take them forever,” they said. “Aren’t you worried your personality will change?” “You’re probably not actually bipolar.”

But so far, my new medication, the antipsychotic, makes me feel great. It hasn’t changed my personality or dampened my gifts. Rather, I feel like the best version of myself.

Gone are the racing thoughts, torturing me into the night. I am sleeping well, and I have no panic, no racing heart. I trust my husband again, even when he’s working late.

Since starting them, I feel even-keeled, more optimistic, more motivated, and I am happier than I have been in a long time.

For now, I’m sticking to prescribed medications and nonalcoholic beverages. I’m getting out of my own way and giving the doctors a chance to diagnose and treat the conditions that I’ve obviously been self-medicating my whole life.

I see how my trauma history is negatively impacting my relationship with my loving and incredibly patient husband. So I’ve also started EMDR therapy, which helps reduce the impact of trauma on your life.

I will accept whatever diagnosis aligns most closely with my symptoms, while also understanding that human diversity is rich, the line between “normal” and “ill” is subjective, and we don’t fit neatly into checkboxes or categories.

This pandemic and isolation are hard for us all. Please, seek help if you need it. Don’t let stigma stand in your way. Q Mariah Wilberg utilizes her lived experience with HIV, trauma, homelessness, survival sex, substance use, mental illness and incarceration to inform an award-winning career in public service that spans from public health to justice reform. This column is a project of TheBody, Plus, Positively Aware, POZ, QSaltLake Magazine and Q Syndicate.

48 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS

Qsaltlake.com | ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

PUZZLES | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 49

JUNE, 2021 | ISSUE 324 | Qsaltlake.com

Comparing Tongues

Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku

Q doku Medium

8 9 6 7

1

3 9

4

9

8

4 7 9

8 9 6 4 5

9 4 2 3

4 9 8

6

9 2 4

2 8

3 1 9 7 6 8

9 1

1

2 3

8 9 3

7 9 1 6

6

3 5 4 1 5

4

1 6 7 4 1 8

6 3 2 4

5

8

2

6 9 8 8 1 3 2

4 1 7

2 9 8 7

8 6 4 1

4 5 9 6 9 7 5 8 6

4 9 8 4

1 6 9 6

2 4

2 4 3 9

2 8

7

7

6

5 8

3 9 6

8 6 4 7

9 1 8 8

4

7 6 3

48 Trojan hero 50 “And there you are!”

51 It comes in a roll 53 Turtleneck alternaACROSS tive 1 Sound like a spin54 End of the quip ning top 57 Source of the quip 5 Taye, the “Black 59 Cold war defense Clark Gable” assn.

10 Obscene four-letter 60 “Bear” that’s not a word bear 14 Frequent online 62 Caesar’s invitation to claim a threesome?

15 ___ Gay 63 James VI, e.g.

16 Field of study 64 Kind of circle 17 Starting from 65 Greek queen of 18 Cutter of leaves of heaven grass 66 “My bad” 19 Pink lady liquors 67 Where to find 20 London’s nation, Lincoln’s head with “the” 68 Judy Garland, for 21 Start of a quip example about the tongue of 20-Across DOWN 24 ___ out (abate) 1 “The Double Man” 26 Operates like a author chickenhawk 2 How a butch might 27 Canvas site speak 28 Make heady 3 Parting words 30 State of Frida’s 4 WNBA callers homeland 5 Balk 31 Wall St. group 6 Sheehan’s words 32 Vidal’s “The ___ of after hole Comfort” 7 Sportscaster Curt 36 More of the quip 8 Sharon of “Queer as 40 Library device Folk” 41 Soprano Gluck 9 “The Talk” cohost 44 David, on “Six Feet Gilbert Under” 10 Larry of “Dallas” PUZZLE SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 44

11 Melodic, to Bernstein 12 More tight-assed 13 Cheech Marin movie locale 22 Unlock, in verse 23 Téa of “Fun with Dick and Jane” 25 “___ On Down the Road” 29 St. of the Cathedral of Hope 30 Tijuana tanner 32 Play for a sucker 33 Feminizing tail 34 Ready for anything 35 Land of Damascus (abbr.)

37 Ike’s opponent 38 Toto’s home state (abbr.)

39 Brought up 42 Copland, for example 43 Neither male nor female 44 Just the same 45 Grace land?

46 Site of three rings 47 Puts out 48 Queen bee’s locale 49 Phallic fish 52 “Howl” author Ginsberg 55 Ditch school for the day 56 Fine-tune 58 Old fruit drink 61 Sothern of old TV

50 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | QMMUNITY

Qmmunity Groups BUSINESS

LGBTQ-Affirmative Psycho-therapists Guild of Utah  lgbtqtherapists.com * jim@lgbtqtherapists.com Utah LGBTQ+ Chamber of Commerce  utahlgbtqchamber.com * info@utahgaychamber.com LGBT & Allied Lawyers of Utah  lgbtutahlawyers.com * lgbtutahlawyers@gmail.com Utah Independent Business Coalition  utahindependentbusiness.org 801-879-4928 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 YWCA of Salt Lake  ywca.org/saltlakecity 322 E 300 S 801-537-8600 HEALTH & HIV

Utah AIDS Foundation  utahaids.org * mail@utahaids.org

1408 S 1100 E 801-487-2323 Weber-Morgan Health Mon., Weds 1-4:30p 477 23rd St, Ogden Appt 801-399-7250 HOMELESS SVCS

VOA Homeless Youth Resource Ctr, ages 15–21 880 S 400 W 801-364-0744 Transition Homes: Young Men’s 801-433-1713 Young Women’s 801-359-5545

RELIGIOUS

First Baptist Church  firstbaptist-slc.org * office@firstbaptistslc.org 11a Sundays 777 S 1300 E 801-582-4921 Sacred Light of Christ  slcchurch.org 823 S 600 E 801-595-0052 11a Sundays Wasatch Metropolitan Community Church  wasatchmcc.org 801-889-8764 Sundays except the 2nd Sunday, 11:15a at Crone’s Hollow, 3834 S. Main

LEGAL

SOCIAL

Rainbow Law Free Clinic

1 to 5 Club (bisexual)  fb.me/1to5ClubUtah

2nd Thurs 6:30–7:30pm UofU Law School, 383 S University St POLITICAL

Equality Utah  equalityutah.org * info@equalityutah.org

175 W 200 S, Ste 1004 801-355-3479

Peer Support for Mental Illness — PSMI Thurs 7pm, Utah Pride Ctr

Utah Libertarian Party

Planned Parenthood 654 S 900 E 800-230-PLAN

Utah Log Cabin Republicans

Salt Lake County Health Dept HIV/STD Clinic 660 S 200 E, 4th Floor Walk-ins M–F 10a–4p Appts 385-468-4242

Qsaltlake.com | ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

6885 S State St #200 888-957-8824

 bit.ly/logcabinutah

801-657-9611 Utah Stonewall Democrats  utahstonewalldemocrats.org  fb.me/ utahstonewalldems

 1to5club@

utahpridecenter.org Alternative Garden Club  bit.ly/altgarden * altgardenclub@gmail.com blackBOARD Men’s Kink/Sex/BDSM education, 1st, 3rd Mons.  blackbootsslc.org blackBOOTS Kink/BDSM Men’s leather/kink/ fetish/BDSM 4th Sats.  blackbootsslc.org Gay Writes writing group, DiverseCity 6:30 pm 2nd, 4th Mondays, Community Writing Ctr, 210 E 400 S Men Who Move  menwhomove.org

OWLS of Utah (Older, Wiser, Lesbian. Sisters)  bit.ly/owlsutah qVinum Wine Tasting  qvinum.com Sage Utah, Seniors  fb.me/sageutah  sageutah@ utahpridecenter.org 801-557-9203 Temple Squares Square Dance Club  templesquares.org 801-449-1293 Utah Bears  utahbears.com  fb.me/utahbears  info@utahbears.com Weds 6pm Raw Bean Coffee, 611 W Temple Utah Male Naturists  umen.org  info@umen.org Utah Pride Center  utahpridecenter.org  info@utahpridecenter.org 1380 S Main St 801-539-8800 Venture OUT Utah  bit.ly/GetOutsideUtah SPORTS

QUAC — Queer Utah Aquatic Club  quacquac.org  questions@ quacquac.org Salt Lake Goodtime Bowling League  bit.ly/slgoodtime Stonewall Sports SLC  fb.me/SLCStonewall  stonewallsaltlakecity. leagueapps.com 385-243-1828 Utah Gay Football League  UtahGayFootballLeague.com  fb.me/UtahGayFootballLeague Venture Out Utah  facebook.com/groups/ Venture.OUT.Utah SUPPORT

umen.org

Alcoholics Anonymous 801-484-7871  utahaa.org LGBT meetings: Sun. 3p Acceptance Group, UPC,1380 S Main

Tues. 8:15p Live & Let Live, Mt Tabor Lutheran, 175 S 700 E Wed. 7p Sober Today, 375 Harrison Blvd, Ogden Fri. 8p Stonewall Group, Mt Tabor Lutheran, 175 S 700 E Crystal Meth Anon  crystalmeth.org Sun. 1:30pm Clean, Sober & Proud LGBTQIA+Straight USARA, 180 E 2100 S LifeRing Secular Recovery 801-608-8146  liferingutah.org Sun. 10am Univ. Neuropsychiatric Institute, 501 Chipeta Way #1566 Thurs. 7pm, USARA, 180 E 2100 S, #100 Sat. 11am, First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E Men’s Support Group  utahpridecenter. org/programs/lgbtqadults/  joshuabravo@ utahpridecenter.org Survivors of Suicide Attempt  bit.ly/upc_sosa  sosa@ utahpridecenter.org Trans Adult Support  utahpridecenter.org/ programs/lgbtq-adults/  lanegardinier@ utahpridecenter.org

Youth Survivors of Suicide Attempt  utahpridecenter.org/ programs/youth-familyprograms/  youthsosa@ utahpridecenter.org YOUTH/COLLEGE

Encircle LGBTQ Family and Youth Resource Ctr  encircletogether.org fb.me/encircletogether 91 W 200 S, Provo, 331 S 600 E, SLC Families Like Ours (ages 2-10)  utahpridecenter.org/ programs/youth-familyprograms/ Gay-Straight Alliance Network  gsanetwork.org The OUT Foundation  theout.foundation  fb.me/theOUTfoundation Salt Lake Community College LGBTQ+ 8 slcc.edu/lgbtq/ University of Utah LGBT Resource Center 8 lgbt.utah.edu 200 S Central Campus Dr Rm 409 801-587-7973 USGA at BYU  usgabyu.com  fb.me/UsgaAtByu Utah State Univ. Access & Diversity Ctr  inclusion.usu.edu/ lgbtqa

TransAction  utahpridecenter.org/ programs/transaction/ Sundays 2–3:30pm

Utah Valley Univ Spectrum  facebook.com/ groups/uvuspectrum

Women’s Support Group  utahpridecenter.org/ programs/lgbtq-adults/  mariananibley@ utahpridecenter.org

Weber State University LGBT Resource Center  weber.edu/ lgbtresourcecenter 801-626-7271

Youth Support Group ages 10-14, 14-20

Youth Activity Night ages 10-14, 14-20  utahpridecenter.org/ programs/youth-familyprograms/

 utahpridecenter. org/programs/youthfamily-programs/

BOOK REVIEW | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 51

JUNE, 2021 | ISSUE 324 | Qsaltlake.com

the bookworm sez REVIEW BY TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER

Laundry Love: Finding Joy in a Common Chore

BY PATRIC RICHARDSON WITH KARIN B. MILLER, C.2021, FLATIRON BOOKS, $25.99, 185 PP

Tomorrow’s outfit is on a chair over there.

That’s where it’s been since you last washed it. What you wore today came from a basket and off a hanger, the shirt needed ironing, there was a tiny stain on the pants but who noticed?

And you just bought new socks, so there’s that. Time to do the wash? Yeah, but get a load of this: “Laundry Love” by Patric Richardson (with Karin B. Miller).

In one of his earliest memories, Patric Richardson’s

q scopes JUNE

BY SAM KELLEY-MILLS

ARIES March 20–April 19 The only way to get back to normal is to believe that normal is obtainable. There is a sense of fear that you must overcome, even if it means blowing off some steam. Don’t let anything hold you back from reaching the climax of your story.

TAURUS Apr 20–May 20 The surprises in store keep coming as long as you are willing to have a good time.

It’s been a tough year, but things will work out. A relationship goal is bound to be obtained, even if it means you don’t want one. Whatever the case, relax.

GEMINI May 21–June 20 There might be nothing better than a few drinks and good friends by your side. The best thing

uncle holds him aloft so that Richardson could watch laundry swimming in the washer.

He was almost a baby then, but the fascination was set: at age three, Richardson was “over the moon” when he received a toy washing machine as a birthday gift. He remembers that it was Harvest Gold.

Growing up, Richardson absorbed washday secrets from an extended family of women and he learned the appeal of laundry hung on a line outside. While at the University of Kentucky, he met three professors who taught him about textiles, and employers educated him further. Love of fabric eventually became Richardson’s career and laundry is his love-language: “caring for your loved ones’ clothes shows them love.”

The first thing to know, Richardson states, is that “our clothes are bossy.” If something you enjoy wearing says “Dry Clean Only” on the label, lay it on the kitchen counter, grab a pair of scissors, and cut that

label off because, “anything can be washed at home.”

Here, you’ll learn how to save time on wash day. Find out why big-brand-name detergents are unsafe, and see what you need to care for your clothes properly. Learn to iron, eliminate horrible stains, wash woolens and other awkwardto-clean items, and see how to rescue yellowed linens and special-event clothing like a pro.

Remember, says Richardson: “You don’t have to do laundry – you get to do laundry.”

These days, though, author Patric Richardson doesn’t “get to” very often. His husband, he says, does their wash while Richardson runs a clothing store and offers “Laundry Camp” at the Mall of America.

But since not everyone can be a happy camper, there’s “Laundry Love.”

If you’re thinking that a book about joyfully washing clothes would be a mighty skinny book, you’re right but laundry is only a part of this story here. The

you can do right now is let go of all your stress and go on a vacation. Even if it’s not very far, that’s okay. The best times are often with friends.

much in a casual situation. Be good with overlooking something in favor of obtaining a simple pleasure.

CANCER June 21–July 22 Stop doing what makes you feel bad, even if you are convinced to do it. Nothing is going to get in the way of progress except your own thoughts. Spend time focusing on a project or matter of great importance. You’ll thank yourself.

LEO July 23–August 22 Shoot for the stars, even if you can’t see them. There is a force of nature that is raging to find satisfaction and a hunger for acceptance growing within you. Take a chance at a great opportunity and spend less time doubting yourself.

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 2 Nothing good comes from being negative, so put on a smile and make the world work for you. There is a tendency to see too

LIBRA Sept 23–October 22 The further you are from danger, the more you realize how nice things can be. A family member who was weighing you down needs to be ignored for a while, for both your sakes. Spend some time outside and let go of the pests.

SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21 Even if it comes at a price, it’s worth figuring out what is bothering you regarding a friend.

There is a sense you aren’t quite on the same page, but it’s possible you’re simply reading a different book. Be a diplomat and hug it out.

SAGITTARIUS

Nov. 22–December 20.

Whoever wrote the book of love certainly didn’t have you in mind.

Your tastes will come into question within your own soul, and it’s likely because you are evolving. Take solace in the fact that the wild side is calling.

rest is biography, and a love-letter to Appalachain and Southern women. In giving props to the women who raised him, Richardson shows how his interest in fabric grew, too; the subject of textiles, which may be perceived as mundane by many, is treated in this light as something precious and accessible.

If you come for the biography, you’ll be glad you stayed for the hints as Richardson shows how even the most delicate items can be safely home-cleaned. That fur you love? Done. That stinky-perfumed vintage item you found?

Clean. Ahhhhhhh, so pick up the undies in the corner, use Grandma’s linens, shop thriftstores with impunity. Go ahead, fear-free. Having “Laundry Love” should take a load off your mind. Q Answer it.

CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19

The longer you follow a theory, the more you understand.

There isn’t much more to be said that you haven’t thought about, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t revisit past discoveries. In the end, what’s goes around comes back.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18 No one is better off than you when it comes to having a great time. Share the joy and find comfort with a loved one or family member. The best way to get out of a funk is to pretend you aren’t in one.

Let the mindset the stage.

PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19 Grasp the concept of pain and you will overcome it.

The sense that something is wrong gives you the power to fix it. Get into the groove of solving a problem and see the results you’ve been waiting for. It’s time for relief.

52 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | BOOK REVIEW

Qsaltlake.com |

ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

Gay Utah native pens SLC-based supernatural thriller novel ’The Last Handful of Clover’

BY MICHAEL AARON

Three days

after he was murdered, Richard began to feel much better…

Park City-born Wess Mongo Jolley spent the last five years writing his most ambitious project — a three-book sprawling supernatural thriller, set in Salt Lake City, titled “The Last Handful of Clover.”

Saying it is the most challenging thing he’s written, Jolley describes it as an “epic meditation on aging, loss, and regret.”

The story centers on a University of Utah professor named Richard Pratt, who is killed three days before the book begins in a seemingly random act of violence. As Pratt is propelled into the netherworld of the dead called the Hereafter, he is forced to witness the loss and suffering of his husband left behind as Salt Lake City tumbles into a rapid, fiery demise. As other denizens of his ghostly realm begin to enact a brutal revenge on the world of the living, it is only Pratt who can save him.

With the help of a barefoot 15-year-old boy from the old West and an ancient Goshute wise woman, Pratt sets out to save the man he loves, Salt Lake City, and his own wounded soul. Together they

must face a ferocious enemy bent on the complete destruction of a great American city — an enemy with his fingers deep in Richard’s shameful past.

“The Last Handful of Clover is a sweeping supernatural thriller about love, loss, regret, and redemption,” Jolley says.

“It is a novel of terror, in which one man is called upon to face the sins of his past in order to save the future for the man he loves and a city of over a million innocent souls.”

The story takes the reader from the remote Montana wilderness of 1810 to a secret chemical weapons laboratory under the Utah desert, Asked why he wrote the story with a gay main character, Jolley said that writers “need to write what they know.”

“I’m a gay man from Utah, so it felt like a good place to start,” he said. “But the more thoughtful answer is that I believe representation is important. I wanted to write a story where the lead characters were gay, yet the story was also about truly universal experiences. The fact that the lead character is gay is crucial to the story, and it would not be the same story if the characters were straight. And yet, there is much in [Pratt’s husband] Keith and Richard’s experience that everyone can relate to, no matter their orientation.

“I think Richard and Keith’s relationship is one that gay men, especially bear-identified gay men of my generation, will recognize and find familiar,” he said.

The project took nearly five years to complete.

“In fact, it’s being released on the fiveyear anniversary of the day I made the first notes on the story, which included the line that I still use when talking about the book: ‘Three days after he was murdered, Richard Pratt began to feel much better.’ That line didn’t make it into the book, but it captured the spirit (no pun intended) of what I wanted to write.”

Jolley, of course, hopes that everyone will want to read the book, but tells QSaltLake that he believes it will particularly appeal to gay Salt Lake City thriller lovers.

“I realize that a half-million-word su-

pernatural thriller with a gay protagonist won’t be everyone’s cup of tea,” he jokes.

“But I think you will love this book if you enjoyed Stephen King’s ‘The Stand.’ It also has themes you’ll find in movies like ‘The Others’ and ‘The Sixth Sense,’ in that it is a ghost story told largely from the perspective of the ghosts.”

“I think it will appeal to a lot of readers,” Jolley said. “It’s a gay story, but it’s also a universal book about aging, loss, regret, and redemption. And who among us hasn’t struggled with those existential questions and experiences?”

Asked why he chose to set the book in Salt Lake City, he talks about his mixed feelings of being raised in the area.

“Utah is an amazing place, and it’s always captivated my heart. Even though, as a young gay man, I felt a need to flee from the rigid culture of the state, I still think of it as my home,” he said. “And Salt Lake City is an especially interesting town. Besides the conservative Mormon culture, Salt Lake boasts an artistic and bohemian underground that is fueled by the otherwise conservative world around it. The contrast makes for a vibrant, interesting, and diverse environment.”

“Right from the start, this story tied in heavily with a lot of Mormon history and culture. You’ll read references in the novel to several crucial incidents from Utah history. The massacre of the Goshute Tribe in the novel is based on a real historical incident, and the Fancher Train that passes through the state in 1847 is the actual wagon train that was later massacred in Southern Utah at Mountain Meadows,” he explains.

JUNE, 2021 |

ISSUE 324 | Qsaltlake.com

“I suppose this novel embodies my mixed feelings about Salt Lake City. It’s my chance to pen a love letter to the place where I grew up, and where I came out, and where I learned to love myself and other men,” he said. “But it also gives me a chance to vent my frustration at the place by burning a lot of it to the ground (metaphorically, of course).”

Jolley has gone an unconventional route in releasing the book, using the membership platform Patreon in his first release.

“I’m hoping that everyone will go there and become a patron. For the cost of a cup of coffee each month, you’ll get two chapters a week. And for just a few dollars more, you can listen to me narrate each of those chapters as well.

I’ll be releasing the audiobook chapters on Patreon simultaneously with the text chapters,” he explained. “But more than just a place to read the book, my dream is that we’ll build a community around the book on Patreon. I’d like it to feel like a book club,

where we can all chat about the chapters as I release them.

The feedback will help me immensely as I move it toward publication, and anybody that sticks with me for this entire journey will get a print copy of the book, if and when it is published.”

For those who may not have the resources to purchase a Patreon membership, he will be releasing the book later on the Wattpad platform and through his podcast.

He says he sees the book as the first in a series.

“I’ve already begun planning the sequel, in which many of the same characters appear. The next book will follow the survivors from Salt Lake City as they move on to rebuild their lives, and we’ll follow the Fancher Train in 1847, as they move inexorably toward their fate in Mountain Meadows. And the connection between the two will be shocking to readers,” he said. Q The Last Handful of Clover was released May 15 on Patreon at patreon. com/WessMongoJolley. More info at ­wessmongojolley.com/fiction

BOOK REVIEW | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 53

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54 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD & DRINK

Qsaltlake.com |

Why not Why Kiki?

Penis Waffles from Why Kiki

Poking in on new restaurants and checking in on some SLC faves

BY JOSH JONES

Who knew

that a pandemic would be so good for the local food scene? Well, for consumers, that is. Obviously, it has been terrible for the restaurant owners who are still struggling to eke out a profit, and servers who survive on tips. Sadly, there have been some beloved restaurants swallowed whole in the past year — the closing of Canella’s was like losing a cousin. However, entrepreneurs are taking advantage of empty storefronts to capitalize on this moment.

Along 100 South, a trio of lounges have flung their doors open, none more vibrantly than WHY KIKI. Randy Oveson’s space is wildly creative and fun. The cobbled lounge is a maze of different experiences, with at least three bars, private rooms, basement speakeasy and dance floor, a stage (that screams for a drag performance), and a backyard in urban Utah that feels like you’re in sunny San Diego. I was not a fan of the signature coconut hotdog, but everyone else enjoyed it. I was there for the amazing tiki creations, which did not disappoint. Fishbowl cocktails with a base of Nerds and floating shark gummies are a good cure for the two stuffy and pretentious neighbors.

VARLEY and THE IVY opened a month ago, and two trips to the latter were rough.

Both times service issues sunk me into so much anxiety our crew left early. The second time we did not even get a chance to order anything after watching a bartender fumble around while a dozen beautiful

ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

servers meandered. Too bad, they have done a beautiful job on the interior space, once belonging to Caffé Molise and BTG. Speaking of, those two Utah classics that relocated to The Bay building — CAFFÉ MOLISE and BTG WINE BAR — are killing it! Fred Moesinger and his partners pumped some big coin into the building, and it is gorgeous. I was worried

were a welcome and sophisticated update.

Serving Detroit-style pizza, BRICK’S CORNER on 700 East is set for meteoric success. The owners took an old gas station and transformed it into a gem of a neighborhood pizza place. The beautiful bar is sexy enough for a date, while the dining room is welcoming for families. Detroit style isn’t that wimpy, fold-over pizza. The dough is thick, and it crisps up in a rectangular pan, while the toppings are usually just red sauce and mozzarella. Chef Josh has several offerings to “upgrade” from the traditional. This is full-mouth, chewy pizza. As good as the pizza is, my favorite thing on the menu is the Sasso tots — cracked tots with braised, fork-tender beef shoulder, caramelized onions, fire-roasted peppers, melted mozzarella served with house giardiniera and Calabrian chili aioli.

One note, each person ordered a pizza, which was great for the first time, but one pizza with the tots is plenty for two, maybe even three people.

Wine cellar at BTG

the location would hinder the success, but a recent visit proved me wrong. The food and service are delicious and polished, and the crowd is lively and cosmopolitan. I recently took eight folks, and dinner was flawless, especially my ravioli stuffed with garlic and mushroom, covered in a bright, fresh pesto. We sat upstairs, where the massive dance floor was for Club Splash.

Gone are the water walls and men gyrating (unfortunately). However, the black and white tile, exposed brick, and live jazz band

MORTAR AND PESTLE, hidden on Edison behind Curry Up Now, is the quaintest and cutest of lounges. I’m already regretting typing this, as the place is a little

JUNE, 2021 |

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FOOD & DRINK | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 55

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treasure box that can only fit around 15 people, and I want it all to myself. It feels like French Polynesia with a bit of glamor and a lot of grace. The friendly, affable, and handsome bartender told us a famous mixologist from Chicago had invented the cocktails. When

he delivered the Inflight Smoker with tequila, mezcal, grapefruit-lime juice, bitter orange liqueur, and Jamaican bitters, I knew this was special.

He lit a small sliver of cedar and cloth pinned it to the side of the glass, to enhance the smoky qualities of the tequila

56 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD & DRINK

Qsaltlake.com | ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

and mezcal. It was intoxicating in every way. I could not believe it was only $10. Other bars would slap a $15 sticker price and deliver it with half the love.

On social media I’ve been trying to shill for CHETTINAD HOUSE, where Lamb’s Grill used to be. Just to smell it from Main Street is to fall in love.

Their lunch specials at around $12.00 are two, maybe three meals, and have more flavor, bite-for-bite than restaurants charging three times that.

I was worried when RIO GRANDE CAFE closed after the earthquake, that it would be the end of the iconic restaurant in the troubled neighborhood.

Then, I wondered how successful it would be when they

moved into the old Market Street location on 1300 East.

Pretty great, I can report. The historic firehouse with indoor/ outdoor space is probably Salt Lake’s best replacement for the old Rio Grande train station. The food is the same — yummy, cheesy Mexican food, always served with generous amounts of fresh salsa. Don’t

forget a mango margarita, and you’ll feel like the last year is a distant memory. Q

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A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 59

ISSUE 324 | Qsaltlake.com

deep inside hollywood

BY ROMEO SAN VICENTE

‘Furiosa’ hits the road with Anya Taylor-Joy and Chris Hemsworth Sometimes, even now, the queerest icons are all subtext. Nothing could be clearer about Charlize Theron’s ferocious Furiosa in “Mad Max: Fury Road,” and the character never once declares herself to be anything but steadfastly devoted to the wellbeing of other women (and to be fair, it’s possible that all human sexuality is fluid post-Apocalypse anyway). So our lesbian motorcycle engines are already revved up to a fever pitch at the news of “Furiosa,” the prequel to the “Mad Max” series from director George Miller. Details are limited: “Queen’s Gambit” star Anya Taylor-Joy will step into the role of young Furiosa, and Chris Hemsworth will take an unspecified part. There are no plot details, only a comment from Miller that the story will span many years, which leaves open the possibility of Charlize Theron showing up. Meanwhile, cameras don’t roll until 2022 and word is that it’s already planned to be the largest film production in Australian history. We plan to stay excited until 2023.

Zoe Kravitz from Catwoman to ‘KIMI’

John Cameron Mitchell, king of tigers

First of all, is Zoe Kravitz queer and are she and Taylour Paige (“Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom”) a “thing” in the way that all English-speaking human beings understand to be the meaning of “thing?” Because, see, Kravitz’s Instagram post says that they are — a “thing,” that is — which means we’re going to take this minor mystery as true, assume that the two of them just went public about a new relationship, and that neither of them are #queerbaiting all of us.

Moving forward, then, to Kravitz’s upcoming projects post-“High Fidelity” (unjustly cancelled

by Hulu and depriving us of a fascinatingly complicated bisexual character played by Kravitz).

Obviously, she’s Catwoman in the upcoming Robert Pattinson-starring “The Batman.” But best of all she’s the lead in the new project from legendary filmmaker Steven Soderbergh, “KIMI.” Kravitz plays a tech worker with agoraphobia who discovers evidence of a violent crime, only to encounter resistance and mounting complications when she attempts to bring it to light. It’s the kind of serious work we like to see happening for our favorite actors. And it’s almost as meaningful to us as thinking she and Paige are girlfriends.

Joe Exotic has his actor avatar at last. The infamous “Tiger King” from the Netflix documentary series of the same name is now the subject of more than one narrative project, but the one simply called “Joe Exotic,” set to debut on NBC, USA Network and the Peacock streaming service at the same time, the one co-starring Kate McKinnon, has now cast “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” creator John Cameron Mitchell as the titular gay wildlife enthusiast. By this point, even if you didn’t watch the Netflix series, you more or less know the story about exotic animal keepers with exotic personalities locked in a deadly feud. But these leads have us convinced to dive back into the story just to see two of our favorite character actors do unusual work. Mitchell has already called Exotic a “modern folk antihero,” which is a fun euphemism for “tried to have someone murdered” but we’ll allow it. He’s also expressed a cultural affinity based on their shared experiences of growing up gay in rural backgrounds. It sounds like he’s totally in, and so are we. Look for it sometime in late 2021. Q Romeo San Vicente wants you to stand up for trans lives.

60 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD

Qsaltlake.com | ISSUE 324 | JUNE, 2021

the perils of petunia pap smear

The tale of Death Valley days

BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR

The road

to a vacation is fraught with danger

and excitement.

Since I got my Covid vaccinations last month, I was anxious to celebrate my newly acquired immunity by going on a trip. Mr. Pap Smear casually stated that he wanted to check a visit to Death Valley off his bucket list. My ears perked up, realizing that the road to Death Valley leads through Las Vegas, the home of the never-ending buffet. I was all aquiver with hungry excitement.

So, with my stomach already growling in anticipation of gorging on a fabulous LV buffet, I loaded up Queertanic with two cases of diet Mt. Dew, four dozen Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, five wigs, four sets of breasticles, 17 caftans, and my make-up case (the barest of necessities for any road trip) and we hit the road.

It was just after sunset as we crested the Apex Summit on the North end of the Las Vegas Valley, and I could clearly see the gigantic shaft of light beaming into space from the top of the Luxor pyramid. This magical sight brought a tear to my eye and a grumble to my stomach. I could literally smell the prime rib.

I put Queertanic on autopilot, and she automatically steered forward on a road she knew by heart — toward the largest buffet in Vegas.

I was so hungry that I had a case of the shakes. So much so that when I tried to freshen up my lipstick, I ended up drawing a fuchsia lightning bolt across my cheek. I was utterly devastated when we arrived to find that all the buffets in the entire city were still closed due to the pandemic. I simply could not go any further. In a final act of desperation, I ended up steering Queertanic to a McDonald’s drive-thru, also extremely familiar to Queertanic and got an emergency lifesaving dozen Big Macs. Then we checked into a motel just off the strip where I had made reservations. It’s often difficult to tell what a hotel is like when you make online reservations, and I was greatly dis-

appointed with this hotel. I feel I’m being generous to describe it as half step above a homeless shelter.

The next morning, we were off to Death Valley. The totally desolate road through the desert was devoid of all other vehicles, save Queertanic. The glaring sunlight beat down mercilessly with the intensity of a gigantic laser beam melting everything in sight. As we descended down past Furnace Creek, down past The Devil’s Cornfield and Devil’s Golf Course, (do you sense a theme here?) down to Badwater, 282 feet below sea level, the very depths of The Valley of Death, I could see the heat waves shimmering against the lifeless valley floor which seemed endless. It just so happened that the Klingon battle theme was playing on the stereo. How totally appropriate! I Halfway expected to see Ronald Reagan and John Wayne leading the 20-mule wagon train loaded with borax rounding every turn.

We stopped at the Zabriskie Point view area and had to get out of the car and climb up a hill about a hundred yards to overlook the valley. So, I got out my rolling walker and set off up the hill. It was well over 100 degrees. It’s no secret that we “big-boned” queens don’t handle heat very well. A river of sweat began gushing down from underneath my beehive wig.

My mascara ran and my lipstick melted and smeared. By the time I got to the top of what seemed like Mt. Everest, I looked like a demented raccoon having her “time of the month” without the aid of a maxi pad. I must have looked quite frightening because the mother of a passing family desperately tried to shoo her children away from me.

Depleted from the climb, I sat down on the walker and shielded my eyes from the torturous sun with my hand. My Lee Press-On Nails began to melt from my fingertips. Between the shower of dripping mascara and falling fingernails, I tried to see the beauty that all the other tourists were commenting on. All I could

see was an endless desert where even sagebrush wouldn’t grow. Snakes and lizards and scorpions! Oh my!

Time to return to the car. I got the brilliant idea that I could just stay sitting on the rolling walker and effortlessly ride it to the bottom. In an ever-so-delicate lady-like fashion, I mounted my buttockus maximus on the walker side-saddle and began the descent. I greatly underestimated the downhill forces nature exerted on my rolling gravity-enhanced body and, before I knew it, I was traveling dangerously down the incline at warp speed. I also discovered, too late, that I was unable to steer the walker while in a seated position. I dug in my spiked high heels in an effort to slow my descent. This resulted in a screeching sound, like fingernails on a blackboard, resounding throughout the valley. My heels threw out a shower of sparks, igniting the hem of my caftan on fire. A very hunky park ranger heard and saw my predicament and threw himself in my path, stopping my journey. Then he threw me on the ground and rolled me until the fire was out.

I returned to Vegas, singed, melted, and with my heels ground off. Not one of my best days.

This story leaves us with several important questions: 1. Were my lighted breasticles jealous of the light shining from the Luxor pyramid?

2. Should I have mined some borax to help me clean off the melted makeup?

3. Should I market it as Petunia’s heavy-duty exfoliator?

4. Is there an easier way for me to “roll” with a hunky ranger?

5. Should I become a stop, drop and roll spokesperson for fire safety?

These and other eternal questions will be answered in future chapters of The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear. Q

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