Caring Counts - Spring 2024

Caring counts

Carer Support Service (Moray) Spring 2024

Hey, are you OK?

“The GP herded me towards the door as I was saying ‘I’m not coping, what do I do?’ She held the door open and said, ‘Try Quarriers.’”

Jeanette is a full-time carer for her daughter. Both her son and daughter have a range of complex medical conditions that have taken many years to diagnose correctly. In that time, Jeanette has had to fight especially hard for her daughter’s rights with little support.

“I thought I had better try Quarriers because I knew I needed help. I was scared to ignore the doctor’s recommendation as a single mum. If I am honest, I really didn’t expect much from Quarriers.”

She was invited by Quarriers to have an assessment to find out more about her situation.

“I must mention, because it mattered so much, that the first question of the assessment was ‘Are you prepared to continue to care for this person?’ Well, it’s my girl, of course I am. But I can’t describe how much it meant that someone hadn’t already decided that I had to do everything.

“Every single time they asked me that, it meant the world to me. It’s really important that there is a right to say no.

“When I was picked up by Quarriers Carer Support Service (Moray) this time, it resulted in me being awarded Severe Disability Premium, I am very thankful for that. It has been vital to keeping her safe.”

Having grown up with brothers, Jeanette says that Quarriers feels like a sisterhood.

“I’ve never had a sister, but it feels like a friend or sister saying ‘Hey, are you OK?’ I was recently asked to give feedback on the service, which I was happy to do. I love being part of the solution, and it’s always lovely to interact with the Quarriers folk.”

As she was leaving the feedback session, Jeanette was given a little token of thanks. Nothing too special.

“It was a lovely little box and inside there was a box of Sudoku, some colouring pens and pencils and colouring sheets and some sweeties. The goodwill of it all was just so gorgeous. I walk away from Quarriers feeling a little bit more whole every time.”

Jeanette was invited to the Carer Support Service in Moray to meet up with other carers.

“It was a lovely lunch and it’s delightful to be with other carers. Usually, we are thrown together in some angst-ridden situation, but our only job was to be together. The incredible validation of being listened to, and to know that whatever you were saying, people actually cared about, it is so rare.”

During Covid, Jeanette enjoyed visits from one of the Quarriers team, who would meet her to go out for walks.

“We had lots in common. I knew that she was keeping an eye on me. I think without that reassurance, I would still be floundering, and I doubt whether my daughter and I would still be here.”

“Occasionally she let me know that there was some money in the pot for me to do something nice for myself. I decided to upgrade my bike to an e-bike. It makes fresh air possible. It’s like a friend pushing you up the hill, ’cause I’m not fit enough to cycle up. Every time I sit on the bike, I have a profound sense of gratitude to Quarriers for giving me it.”

Quarriers Carer Support Service (Moray) is there to help with support planning, learning opportunities, peer support groups, professional counselling, respite and importantly, to give access to people who understand your situation.

For other carers who are in a situation where they feel overwhelmed, Jeanette said she has already given advice to around 20 people in the last year to go to Quarriers and have an assessment done.

“Carers have rights and Quarriers will help them understand what support they are entitled to.”

(anonymised for privacy purposes)

Breaks from a different angle

Carers often think of a short break as getting away somewhere different, something that costs money and takes a significant degree of planning. However, finding the time, money, replacement care and motivation to do that is often too much of a barrier. And yet, we know that respite, or having a break from caring, is fundamentally important to the ability of carers to keep going in the long-term. So, how do we solve a seemingly insurmountable problem? We could look at things from a different angle.

“I can’t ask anyone else to care. They have their own lives.”

The very nature of caring suggests you put everyone else before yourself. You’re aware that others have lives but you don’t like to impose upon those lives. However, people feel good being able to help. It boosts self-esteem and makes them feel useful. The next time you need support for a few hours, a day or a weekend, ask. Take advantage of the offers that have been made. People weren’t just being nice! They meant what they said. It is also perfectly acceptable to expect family members to help out every so often.

“No one else will be able to provide care like I can.”

There are professional care organisations accessible through a care package, or whom you can pay privately, with trained staff who have made it their job to look after others. They might not do things exactly as you would, but the person you provide care for will be safe and sound while you get a short break from caring, be that a few hours a day for a set amount of time, overnight support so you get a chance to sleep, or care while you go away. It won’t take you long to get your system going again afterwards.

“The care package doesn’t allow for respite.”

While services are considerably overstretched at the moment and it’s not always possible to access the services once readily available, if you’re at crisis point and desperately in need of time out from caring, it’s still worth asking whether you could arrange some residential respite through your cared for’s package. You might just be lucky with bed availability. However, if you don’t ask you will never get.

Support plans are not carved in stone. If there is a significant change in your caring role then you may need to revisit your support plan, likewise the community care assessment for your cared for so that any new developments and requirements can be addressed accordingly.

“I can’t afford a break.”

You may be able to access funding for a short break through programmes like The Family Fund, Shared Care Scotland’s Time to Live short break programme, Respitality...

If you are in receipt of Self-Directed Support, part of that funding may be put towards an identified need for respite. Instead of saying you have no idea what you want for a present, suggest a pamper of some sort where you can get a break from caring.

“I don’t want to leave the person I’m looking after.”

It’s understandable that you feel protective towards your cared for. That’s fine. Some carers feel that getting a break is just not important enough to them. Again fine. However, where your health and wellbeing is suffering as a result of never getting the chance to stop, that is a problem you need to address. Rather than going away somewhere, how about buying a piece of equipment that allows you to relax at home? A foot massager or spa can be used daily in the home, and both are so relaxing. A computer game that your cared for can play grabs their attention and frees up time for you to sit and have a break.

“I don’t have time for a break.”

Caring can often feel overwhelming, like we are running to stand still. However, if we are honest, most of us could find 10-15 minutes a couple of times a day when we could stop and the world would not fall apart around us. These micro breaks could be the perfect solution if you feel you don’t have time for a break. The science shows that taking purposeful breaks (anywhere from five to 60 minutes) allows you to refresh your brain and body, increasing your energy, productivity and ability to focus. Examples might include stretching, taking a short walk around the garden, doing some breathing exercises or taking a few minutes to listen to calming music. Even stopping for a cuppa can do more good than you realise. Thinking of time out as several micro breaks during the day is different from a break away somewhere but can still increase your ability to keep caring in the long-term. They also give you something to look forward to on a daily basis - time to yourself.

If we change our mindset from thinking about a break just as a holiday away and start looking at the possibilities in each and every day for time out that don’t take long and don’t cost much, we change a negative into a positive. No longer is a break a depressing impossibility. It becomes an attainable aspect of daily life we can feel good about, something to look forward to on a regular basis. Of course, there will be times when you want/need to get away, and days when you’re so tired a 15-minute cuppa won’t cut it. However, you might be surprised by the power of regular short breaks you take yourself.

Embracing the future

In an effort to work smarter and cut costs, more and more companies and organisations are looking to apps and digital platforms to conduct business. With the patchy coverage that still exists in Moray, this is not always helpful. However, with full fibre more readily available and 5G on its way, the future is going to be digital and the sooner we embrace it the better. On a recent trip to London, bus tickets into the capital had to be purchased and activated online. If you didn’t have a smartphone with a scanning code on it, you weren’t getting on the bus!

How, therefore, could going digital help us as carers? Let’s look at the most obvious.

Grocery shopping

Online grocery shopping has been around for quite some time but not everyone makes best use of it. If you can’t leave the person you care for, find it overwhelming to be outside in crowds, haven’t got the time or energy to physically do a shop, find carrying heavy bags an issue, you can spend 15 minutes shopping online and then have everything delivered to your door.

Asda, Tesco, Iceland and Sainsbury’s all provide local delivery. If you use it regularly, you can even book a recurring slot. The alternative click and collect option would allow you to get out of the house, meet a friend for a cuppa in the time you would normally do the shopping, and then just pull up and collect your shopping at the allotted time in the allotted place.

Banking

Many people are put off online banking because of security issues. However, two-factor authentication means much more stringent security these days.

Check balances, confirm payment, notice oddities, pay bills, transfer money, make deposits - all quick and easy. Online accounts often give better interest rates too. You stay on top of your finances in moments from the comfort of your own home.

Staying in touch

Isolation caused by being far away from family and friends can be a real issue for many carers.

Visiting regularly is often impossible due to finances and the nature of caring. Next best thing? Face-toface via a screen - not totally ideal but better than nothing. Messenger, Facebook, Zoom and Teams are all fairly easy to use platforms and allow you to stay in each others’ lives. You never need to be separated, no matter how far the distance is between you.

Fingertip fun and facts

If it is difficult to find time or get out and about, there are lots of sources of information and activities online for you to access, if you know where to look.

Carers UK - Share and Learn

From wellbeing activities such as yoga and mindfulness to carer information sessions run by our Helpline advisers, there’s something for everyone. We add new sessions every week so keep an eye on this page for more!

www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/yourhealth-and-wellbeing/online-meetups/ share-and-learn/

Care for a Cuppa

Held on Zoom, the online Care for a Cuppa chats offer a space to meet other carers, share experiences and find mutual support. Held weekly, mostly on Monday afternoons, with a monthly evening session if you can’t attend during the daytime. You can find all upcoming session dates and times at the link below.

www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/yourhealth-and-wellbeing/online-meetups/carefor-a-cuppa/

Relaxation classes for carers in Scotland

Feeling stressed but struggle to find time to relax? These relaxation classes for carers take place on alternate Wednesday/Thursday evenings each week at 7pm via Zoom. If you wish to register for a class or for more information, please email geraldine.green@carersni.org

Virtual Village Hall

Bringing you a programme of themed online sessions led by expert tutors, Royal Voluntary Service activity coordinators and volunteers. Activities designed for people to do at home so they can enjoy the things they love and maybe even learn some new skills!

www.virtualvillagehall. royalvoluntaryservice. org.uk

www.facebook.com/VirtualVillageHall

and facts

The Moray Council

Information and services for residents in Moray. Check school holidays and find out about local services including housing, council tax and benefits.

www.moray.gov.uk

Quarriers Carer Support Service (Moray) - Virtual Carers Centre

• fact sheets

• information booklets

• case studies

• newsletters

• impact reports

• registration and referral forms

• and much more to help you navigate your caring role

www.quarriers.org.uk/morayvcc

Spotlight On

The biggest online portal of community information. Your number one site for advertising, finding a job, things to do or what’s on in Moray and the Highlands, from Elgin to Inverness and beyond.

www.spotlighton.co.uk

NHS Inform

Scotland’s national health information service providing accurate and relevant information to help make informed decisions about your own and the people you care for’s health.

• illnesses, injuries and conditions

• tests and treatments

• healthy living topics – smoking, alcohol

• health news and events

• national health campaigns

• services provided by GPs, pharmacies and dental surgeries in Scotland

• your rights when using services

• Self-help guides for common illnesses and injuries

• Scotland’s Service Directory containing hundreds of support groups and thousands of NHS services in Scotland

• Info for Me tool that helps you to gather, save, publish and share your own health information

www.nhsinform.scot/about-nhs-inform/

Fingertip fun and facts

Mobilise Online

You might be struggling to find support with anything from finances to practical help, from mealtimes to continence, from hospital discharge to finding time for yourself. We’ve got you.

www.mobiliseonline.co.uk/

ALISS

A national digital programme enabling people to find/share information on resources, services, groups, and support in their local communities and online:

• services that provide support for managing long term conditions

• groups that support social and community connection

• activities that offer opportunities for getting more active and outdoors

• practical, legal, and financial support

• digital technology that can support health and social care

www.aliss.org/about-aliss/

Health & Social Care Moray

Ensuring people get the right care and support, at the right time and in the most appropriate place.

The integrated partnership of Moray Council and NHS Grampian deliver a wide range of community health and social care services under the direction of the Moray Integration Joint Board. These include:

• Social care services for adults and older people - care at home, day services, community support and social work

• Community hospitals

• GP practices and out of hours services

• District and school nursing, health visiting and health improvement services

• Mental health, drug and alcohol services

• Services provided by Allied Health Professionals such as occupational therapists and dieticians

• Dental, ophthalmic and pharmaceutical services.

www.hscmoray.co.uk

Connecting carers

If you are keen to find out more about any groups and activities we may be running, keep an eye on our Facebook page - www.facebook.com/quarrierscarersupportmoray - and also the fortnightly e-news Quarriers keeping you in the know. They’ll keep you up to date with what’s going on.

Coping with the cost of living

If you feel that you could use a bit of support to help you better cope with the current climate, there are various organisations out there who can help.

Talking to a stranger can sometimes be easier than talking with a close friend or family member. If it’s all getting a bit too much, don’t forget, you are not alone. Someone’s waiting for your call.