A slice of life by Dr Ram L Prasad

ESSAYS Essays are non-fiction compositions that describe, clarify, argue, or analyse a subject. People write essays from a personal experience to a complex analysis of a scientific process. Components of essays include an introduction, a thesis statement, a body and a conclusion. Essays are extended piece of writing that present and support a thesis or proposition. When we write essays we are making a case for the validity of a particular point of view, analysis, interpretation, or set of facts or procedures. There are many types of essays: argumentative, descriptive, synoptic, analytical, exploratory, review, and so on but they all have the common objective of presenting and defending a topic and a stance to the reader. Consequently, essays all rely not only on the validity of the facts they communicate but also on the selection, critical evaluation, organisation, and presentation of these facts. I have tried to create this Slice Of Life that feels good on the inside as well as the outside.

A SLICE OF LIFE A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS DR RAM LAKHAN PRASAD

FEBRUARY 2018

A SLICE OF LIFE Dr Ram Lakhan Prasad February, 2018 76 Ghost Gum Street Bellbowrie Qld 4070 srlprasad40@hotmail.com

Self Published

CONTENTS Prologue Foreword – By an Admirer Introduction- Shadows of My Life Chapter One – Life as I’ve Known Chapter Two – Life Experiences Chapter Three – Achievements Chapter Four – Family Life Chapter Five – Work Life Chapter Six – Community Life Chapter Seven – National & International Life Chapter Eight- Towards the End Chapter Nine – I Changed Chapter Ten – Humanity & Passion Chapter Eleven – Great Achievement Chapter Twelve – The Power of Expectation Chapter Thirteen – The Great Expectation Chapter Fourteen – Happiness in Life Chapter Fifteen – Hidden Treasury of Life Chapter Sixteen – Patience Is A Virtue Chapter Seventeen – Realization Chapter Eighteen – Silence is Golden Chapter Nineteen – Survival of the Fittest Chapter Twenty – My Ways My Highways Chapter Twenty-One- The Future Chapter Twenty- Two – My Views of Humanity Chapter Twenty-Three – Looking For Happiness Chapter 24 – How to Get Out of Doubting Castle Chapter 25 – Self Doubt 5

Chapter 26 – My Strengths & Weaknesses Chapter 27 – Attitude Makes Us Move Well in Life Chapter 28 – Sources of My Inspiration Chapter 29 - My Repentance Chapter 30 – Days of Our Life Chapter 31 – My Simple Life & Living Chapter 32 - Thoughts & Anecdotes Chapter 33 – Need To Be Right Chapter 34 – Things Fall Apart Chapter 35 – Words of Wisdom Chapter 36 - Change Epilogue Dedication to Ancestors Autobiography Acknowledgement

This Slice of Life is spread over 404 pages 6

PROLOGUE The strongest people arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t always the people who win, but the people who donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t give up when they lose. That happens to be me. This creativity is developed all because I needed to heal the wounds of my past and express some of the episodes of my life. If I did not do this I was going to bleed and may have needed to bandage the bleeding with more food, alcohol, drugs, work, smoke or even sex but eventually it has all oozed through the stains of my life. The readers must find the strength to open the wounds, stick their hands inside, pull out the core of all the pleasure and pain that I have held in the past which have become my memories. By expressing these here I have made peace with my inner self. Every single expression of the event in my life- shadows, achievements, family life, work life as well as the social and civic life have made me smarter, stronger and wiser than I was yesterday. Life is not always fair because some people are born into better environments, some have better genetics and some are in the right place at the right time. I wanted to express it all, 8

relevant as well as irrelevant. All that mattered to me was my acceptance as to where I was and figure out where I wanted to be and then do whatever I can today and everyday, to hold my head high and keep moving forward. My life has been a pretty interesting story as you can read and visualize in this collection of essays titled â&#x20AC;&#x153;A Slice Of Lifeâ&#x20AC;?. Sometimes you as the reader can tell that my life itself is such a story that the story has to come to my life. Probably I was made an idealist first and then I was surrounded with unidealistic circumstances all round that became my shadows of life. The bundle of life situations that I have expressed and exposed could be classed as ecstatic as well as weirdness of life. These together with some contradictions of life often make great stories. Enjoy reading.

FOREWORD There is no doubt at all in my mind that a collection of many invaluable pieces of wisdom have been created by Dr Ram Lakhan Prasad in his Slice of Life. Dr Prasad showed us that he has a knack for expressing some very profound and important notions in an amusing and interesting way. The pungent and personal writing style has captured good ideas which are eminently sensible and beautifully sensitive for the readers. I enjoyed reading the book and have come to know Dr Prasad a lot better as a straight-shooter and firm believer. There are those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened but Dr Prasad is one of those rare people who really has shown us that he knows how to make things happen. Some books are interesting, others are entertaining and a few are terrifically inspiring but Slice of Life is all three. So anyone who wants to make more of him/her should read this remarkable presentation â&#x20AC;&#x153;A Slice Of Lifeâ&#x20AC;? by Dr Ram Lakhan Prasad. An Admirer 10

INTRODUCTION SLICE OF MY LIFE Someone had told me at school to always keep my face toward the sunshine and the shadows will fall behind me but I did not ever worry or have any fear about my or anyone elseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s shadows. I loved shadows and gradually I found out that my thoughts have always been the shadows of my feelings that were sometimes brighter, darker, simpler or even complicated. However, I never hesitated to express them whenever I had the chance to do so. This is my opportunity to let you visualize my shadows which are a Slice of My Life. I have never been one of those people who wake up in the morning and beg the day to work for me but I always got up and went to do something for a change. I took every day as it unfolded whether bright, cloudy or muggy. Regular and continuous adjustments to the day ahead had been my nature and habit. Of course, my yesterday propelled my today and all my today led me to my tomorrow. Each of these vital links of my living preached me a variety of lessons that I treasured and moved on.

Then I loved to keep myself occupied either in rewarding or leisure activities but my favourite period of the day was the golden hour in the evening just as the sun was about to set and we get those lovely shadows to make everything look gold and yellow. The love of the evening shadows was inculcated into me by my grandparents and parents while we lived on the mixed farm in the panoramic village of Fiji known as Botini in Sabeto, Nadi. I was compelled to believe that there were infinite passageways of the shadows with a variety of vehicles to transport everyone into the light. However, there seemed something special about the shadows of my life because I could make my own mind up about whatever was lurking in them. While most people think that shadows follow, precede or surround us or objects but for me the truth was that they surrounded all my words, ideas, desires, deeds, impulses and even memories. Thus, it was by the shadows of my life and the hoary past and their fantastic silhouettes on the external screen of every way of life and philosophy that I could by experience, visualize, read and hear to check them as I went along. Comparing them to finally trace out how the people had intelligently or with any selfish motives transcribed the scriptures. 12

All the shadows of the past have been fictitious for me and I have tried to build my life on real solid foundations. Now I say what I do and I do what I say. I win or I lose but I have learnt to accept and tolerate them all. For many of us who think differently from the traditionalists, the big priority for us is to get out from the prescribed shadows and make our own way of life rather than dwelling in the stories of the past that are no longer credible but full of obsolete activities to connect with nature and God. It is crucial as well as vital that every personality of the new generation have a revised view of their own ways of life and have a humanistic stake in the welfare of humanity. Like the moral test of any sound government is to treat everyone equally so is my feelings for all. Those who are in the dawn of life, the children; those who are in the twilight of life, the elderly; and those who are in the shadows of life, the sick, the needy and the handicapped. I have developed similar dictates and conducts for all these members of the society and the community. Despite this firm belief, how many people make themselves abstract to appear profound? I feel that the most useful part of abstract terms are the shadows they keep 13

creating to hide a vacuum. I know that in faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who do not. When we talk of human, religious, social or economic rights, they are not the privilege granted by the few but they remain the liberty entitlement for all. These rights by definition include the rights of all humans whether those in the dawn of life, the dusk of life or the shadows of life. In the name of various religions we have tried to divide this world into fragments that is hiding in various kinds of shadows. We need immediate liberation and begin to treat everyone as human beings. Now that my introductory remarks have given me a way forward I shall proceed. Let me place one disclaimer here. I never counted myself as a saint or a wealthy being or a celebrity but a simple person who was happy and had adequately contentment with the achievements and successes that came to him upon appropriate efforts. There is no element of boasting, bragging or self praise but letting my readers appreciate that life is worth living well and enjoying that short period on earth.

Chapter One LIFE AS I HAVE KNOWN The readers should not make any mistake between my personality and my attitude to life because my personality is who I am but my attitude largely depends on who I am confronting, conversing or interacting with. Life as many of us have known, is definitely a series of ordinary but natural and spontaneous changes which should not be resisted because this resistance will ultimately create and cause sadness and sorrow. Therefore, the people who wish to lead a good and real life let reality be reality by letting things flaw naturally forward in whatever way they like; up, down or sideways. One of my main objectives in life has been to find happiness and I knew that happiness would not come to anyone who did not learn to appreciate whatever they already have. Often I tried to evaluate things in life and the best thing I assessed and could do was not to think too much, not to wonder a lot, not to let loose my imagination or even not to obsess but just keep breathing and developing strong faith that everything would work out for the best. In fact I have never wanted a perfect life but I always yearned for a happy life. 15

I truly believed that one day or someday in the future everything would turn good and make perfect sense. Therefore, presently and for now I needed to laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason. I went out in search for all the possible reasons that made some sense to me. This proactive stance made me satisfied and gave me a lot of real happiness. It was after a long period of time that I came to realize that happiness only comes when we firmly believe in what we are doing, know exactly what we are doing and above all love all that we are doing. I then reached a reasonable conclusion for my self that doing what I liked was my freedom and liking what I was doing was my happiness. There is no assumption here that there was no sadness and no pain in my life but I quickly gathered that there were two kinds of pain in my life; one that hurt me and the other that changed me. As a general rule to myself I would never allow the feeling of any negative things to enter my life because I know full well that it spoils all the good things I possess. So I always choose to be positive and happy. I tried my hard not to let my yesterday use up a lot of my today. Very soon in life I found out that my life was too short for any bitterness, 16

any hatred, any kind of deceit and despondency but needed love, inspiration and enthusiasm. Consequently I too commanded myself not to be bitter about anything or anybody. I never wanted to be alone and lonely but in company of my family, friends, relatives and colleagues because I strongly felt that the worst loneliness was to not to be plainly comfortable with myself. There were some of the gravest loneliest moments in my life when I sadly watched my whole world falling apart and all I could do was to stare blankly. But I did not let my loneliness bother me. I got out and mixed with people, talked, played, had fun, presented speeches at gatherings and read a lot. Thus found some worthy solutions to my loneliness. I kept reminding me constantly throughout my life that life was not always perfect because I knew that I will not always get what I wanted. Although it did hurt me a lot, I had to accept the truth that what should have happened had happened. Who should have left had to leave but whatever threw me off course would always bring me to where I needed to be. I pressed on regardless.

Chapter two LIFE EXPERIENCES I was told early in life that I should never regret anything in life because if it was good it would be wonderful but if by any chance it was bad it would be an experience to consider later. So from my childhood I was conditioned to be strong enough to stand alone, of course smart enough to know when I needed assistance and brave enough to ask for help. Consequently, many of my difficult roads often took me to exciting and great destinations. Life went on and whenever there were obstacles or sorrows or frustrations I knew how to put on a happy face and keep moving with greater determination. This experience was somewhat hurting but I learnt to survive. My life was not easy but I never let it deter me from moving ahead with additional vigour. I never learnt to put my life behind me but let all my memories go back therefore my life was always ahead of me motivating me, guiding me and inspiring me. Everyday was a new day and a challenging experience that I never failed to seize and make the best use of them. I got what I wanted most of the time through my hard work and consistent efforts. These became my life expereinces. 18

It was never easy to fill my life with valuable expereiences but I was able to manage this gradually and then material things began to have very little interest and concern for me. I then had stories of my experiences to narrate to family members, friends and colleagues but I had very little stuff to show and tell. I gradually became rich in experience but poor in material things. As a result of these experiences in my life I have lived, loved, liked, disliked, found, lost, missed a few things and at times was hurt as well but I did not deter from accumulating my experiences. I have trusted myself and my people and at times made a few mistakes but most of all I have learned a lot of valuable lessons in the process. I could never disagree with my high school literary personalty C S Lewis who among other things wrote that God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way. I never let God move away from my side and that has been one of the most potent reasons for recollecting and reminising some of my good expereinces. One thing is quite certain about my life experiences. I became strong because sometime in the past I was weak. I turned fearless because I was afraid in the past and I 19

think I am now a little wiser because I was somewhat foolish before. My strength, my fearlessness and my wisdom have their firm foundation in my past expereinces. My experience is that we are all a little broken somewhere, somehow and somewhat but I am mindful of the fact that many broken things still work. During my infant classes whenever I checked, my broken crayons still were able to draw the same colours on my drawing paper. The most important thing for me had been to decide whether I was going to let my past destroy me or whether I was going to let it construct and develop me into the strongest individual my people had ever met and seen. Of course, in the process of growing up my varied life expereines let me open my eyes to be more cautious with certain people around me. I either learned from their experiences or avoided such debilitating and destructible adventures. Whenever I visited my birth place I endeavoured to go and meet and communicate with my childhood friends because they were the starters of my life experiences. I have always treasured their supplementation in my life. I am proud that they are enjoying and living a modest village life but are elated with my progress and on every occasion of my 20

visit to them they have given me the best of their kind hospitality, respect and love. I am indeed indebted to all my people who enthused and pushed me to my modest progress. I think that this institution of early childhood interaction and consequent developments are necessary and vital for our life. I was told that if I planned everything well in life then it would mean that I will not experience anything unexpected but this assumption turned out to be dubious because despite some of my strategic planning I had experienced a few unexpected events in life. I was always ready for the unexpected to occur and thus managed my affairs uneventfully. Thus although planning became a constant thing of my living, taking care of the unexpected was always my prime concern. Everybody around me often said that our mistakes were the first steps of success but as I found out through life experience along the way that the real fact for success was the ability to correct the mistakes and learn to succeed. When I recognized that the voice and the vision on the inside were more profound and clearer as well as louder than all the opinions on the outside, I then began to feel that I was mastering my life and moving ahead. 21

So it is correct to say that life experience is how life catches up with us and teaches us to transform our activities and character. Then what was left of me was to go for it whether it ended well or went badly wrong. At least it gave me an experience that I could consider for future development and stability. Just because the past did not turn out like I wanted it to be it never meant that my future could not be better and more rewarding than I had ever imagined. Human life including my own has been a varied journey with problems to sort out and solve, multiple lessons to learn but my most important aspect was the experiences that I had to enjoy. I know that many good decisions come from a variety of good life experiences but a lot of real experiences come to us from our bad decisions. However, it did not matter to me how slowly or how fast I moved ahead as long as I did not stop in the way. Enterprising people grow and develop their talents through a variety of ways but the greatest skill acqusition is from our experience if we meet life honestly and courageously. As an educator I found out that this is how our character is built. We were taught very early in school that about an old saying â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;if wealth is lost nothing is lost, if health is lost something is lost. But if character is lost all is lostâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;. It is 22

not a religious teaching. It is a universal maxim and stands true in all the countries and for all the ages. One idea just stralled through my mind and that is that all enlightened people should strive hard to learn before their death as to what they are running from in life or where are they going in life but at the same time must understand the reason why they are doing so. I have often seen and experienced that people would not fully understand how I felt about certain things until the exact same thing happened to them and until they too experienced the pain or pleasure. There were many things in my life that I myself got to experience in order to fully appreciate and understand. My personal joy or happiness was one of them. I found out the harder way that I could not fully understand something until it happened to me. Thus wise people say that the true meaning of life is properly discovered through our experiences. As a final point in this episode I want to stress that love is the best inevitable experience one can possess in life. It is valuable, costless but sadly many people lack it and pehaps that is the reason for the increasing tensions, wars and disagreements in the world. Love needs nurturing and can only be found in hearts of 23

gold and I call those true hearts. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s my experience. I loved a few things, people and events in my life only because I was taught the true meaning of love by some of my very close friends and my up-bringing was full of love, understanding and passion. Whatever love I received I was able to pass that on to others. All my love was unconditional and I did not expect others to love me because I believed that love was an internal feeling of an individual for another. During my teacher training days one of my dear friends had introduced me to Bible reading and I loved reading various aspects of love in Corinthians. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love is patient and kind; love does not

envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never ends.

Chapter Three ACHIEVEMENTS IN LIFE If my contributions have any lessons, they are that we are awfully lucky to be here on this earth because to attain any kind of life in this universe of ours appears to be quite an achievement. As humans we are doubly fortunate because we enjoy not only the privilege of existence but also the singular ability to appreciate it and to make it better. If we are able to grasp this and achieve it then our life is really worth it. I know I am not perfect but when I look at my family, my children and grandchildren I know that I got something in my life that is perfectly right. This is one of my greatest achievements. Naturally I am proud of this achievement because this has led me to many other successes in my life. I feel enthusiastic about this because I know that nothing great or even small was ever achieved without enthusiasm. I feel that I have achieved a lot more in my life all because of the support, assistance and guidance of many wise people and great institutions that I interacted with.

Life has not been a smooth ride for me because like all other people I too have had some debilitating experiences but I am happy to note that my worst experiences have often lead me to my greatest achievements in life. I never stopped steering my vessel of life in the right direction every time my vessel of life was caught in a storm. Very early in life I was told by my ancestors that the greatest achievement for any human being was to love God, adore yourself and like others. These became the secret of my progress and success. I took hard work as my weapon so I found that gradually success followed me as my slave. Expecting a little more from life always pays us when it comes to success and progress because I believed that high achievement always takes place in the framework of higher expectation. This notion then leads us to the maxim that the best achievement in life is doing something that you think you cannot do. The opposite of this is the real risk of doing nothing. I am told that many of the great achievements of the world were accomplished by tired and discouraged people who kept on working rather than resting and rusting to do nothing. Two lessons stand out among the many worthy lessons that my father gave me while I was growing up on our farm. The first was 26

when he told me that in order to achieve success in life I should be sweet as honey; be regular as a clock; be as fresh as a newly bloomed rose; be soft as cotton wool and when the time comes be as strong as a rock. The second was even more appropriate to the topic under discussion. He said you would never be able to achieve much in life if you did not respect the old when you are young; help the weak when you are strong; and confess your fault when you are wrong because one day in life you would be old, weak and wrong. As a pre-requisite to all my achievements and success I learned to laugh often, to win the respect of intelligent people as well as the affection of children I was teaching. I had some very honest critics in my life and I appreciated their remarks and reviews which guided me to endure the betrayal of false friends. My mother and grandmother taught me to appreciate beauty in everything and to find the best in others. These were my firm steps to a variety of my achievements. I am indebted to my only brother who wanted me to leave the world a bit better if I wanted to achieve something worthy and live a happy life. So my entire social structure was geared to achieving new and great things from my early childhood. I had to live and let others live a fruitful life. That gave me a lot of personal satisfaction. 27

Achievement of my happiness and personal satisfaction gradually became one of the most vital moral purposes as well as the proof of my moral integrity. I became loyal to achieving a variety of social, cultural and economic values with greater determination, ease and understanding. I was determined to better my status, come what may. Then success kept coming and I began achieving by developing my strengths but not bothering to emiminate my obvious weaknesses. Elimination of my weaknesses I was told would have been a futile exercise and would have hindered my progress and movement to being an achiever. I never took my achievements as my success measure but my achievements were ready to roll slowly because of my honest endeavour, persistent effort to do nothing but the best possible at all times under any and all circumstances. Sooner or later I realized that my life had many ways of testing my will power either by having nothing happen at all at times or by having everything happen all at once. I had to quickly learn to strike a balance between these two extremes. When nothing was happening I learnt to charge my battery or have some fun in life and when everything was happening all at once I learnt to be discreet and selective in order to prioratize all the events. 28

I was fortunate to be placed in some of the best educational institutions with quality teachers and intelligent colleagues. While interacting with them I gathered that if I did not go after what I wanted, I would never have it. Conversely, if I did not ask I knew that the answer would always be in the negative. So I quickly learnt to step forward because I chose not to be in the same place all the time. I always felt that there was some force that was commanding me to advance. I accepted everyone as my teacher or Guru. Some I sought myself, others volunteered but many were subconsciously attracted as if they were God sent. Then there were occasions when I often gathered my knowledge and learning simply by observing other people, places and procedures. Many of my learning subjects were completely unaware that I was inadvetently and automatically extracting knowledge from them and learning a lot of things from them. Whatever was the case I always gave them the needed respect and bowed to them in deep gratitude. That was ingrained into my culture by one of the great Indian poets Kabir Daas. Guru Govind dono khade kaake lagu paay Balihari Guru aap ki Govind diyo bataay.

It was my high school learning that revealed that only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly but I always disagreed with this teaching and started living the life of my dreams. As a result I did face some obstacles, many doubters, made some mistakes and had a few setbacks along the way but with hard work, perseverance and self-belief I managed to find that there was no limit to what I could achieve. Thus I found a purpose to serve and not only a lifestyle to live. I was determined that if my mind could conceive it, my heart could believe it then I knew I could somehow achieve it. Although I knew that whatever my mind could perceive and believe I could achieve. I needed patience not as a virtue but as a tool of achievement. My determination was simple. If I desired to bloom like a rose in my garden then I made sure that I knew the art of adjusting with the thorns. Thus I found that gradually all my difficulties enabled me to shine when I realized that small thinking limits all achievements but unleashed imagination expanded all possibilities. I stopped thinking small and then was able to unleash my imagination. A lot of difficulties came in my life but I did not let them destroy me and instead made them help me realize some of my hidden potentials.

I tried not to measure my life with the achievements I had made but assessed my position every time I achieved something tangible. This was one of the reasons I was able to aim for achievement and forget about my success. Then I was fully convinced that achievement always came to the person who was out looking for it and not to those who were just waiting for it. I was happy with the feeling that as long as I tried my best, that was all that mattered. So I did not have to be the fastest athlete or the greatest orator or be on top of the class. Now I am convinced that life is not about finding Nemo or finding yourself but it is about creating a personality out of yourself and telling the world who do you want to be. My life has certainly been my greatest challenge on the one hand and my greatest achievement on the other because the starting point of all my achievement and my challenge was my desire to proceed and live with joy. I do not think that I had all my modest success in life because I was destined but because I was determined. When I look back I see that my every accomplishment started with a prayer and my firm decision to try harder. The longer I waited for something to achieve, the more I tried and then appreciated it when I achieved it because I felt that anything worth 31

having was definitely worth waiting for, no matter how long. There was very little individual effort in all my achievements because I believed that teamwork was the secret that made common people like us achieve uncommon results. My teams were made up of my colleagues, my family members, my friends, my teachers and my elders as well as the subordinates. Finally the two things that really assisted me achieve things in life and find all the modest success can be summarized in these words. I learned to manage my affairs carefully and prudently when I did not posses much but I conducted and behaved myself like a gentleman when I had enough. I was proud of all my achievements but I never entertained any false pride in life because I understood that all achievements are usually born out of great sacrifice and they are never the result of selfishness.

Chapter Four

Family Life â&#x20AC;&#x153;Families can be the most detrimental things to have in our life. They are sometimes the most poisonous relationships that people have. Sometimes family is the thing that keeps you from ever achieving what you want to achieve, and yet people hold on to it and hold it and grab it and try to fix it and twist it and turn it.â&#x20AC;? These are the comments of a dejected family member. Whether I agree or disagree with this statement makes no difference to what I have intended to write in this episode. Unfortunately, some family members are so psychotic that no matter how hard we try to forge a healthy relationship, nothing will help. Now that I am an adult, I take refuge in the fact that some things are beyond our control. We owe it to ourselves to steer clear of people who are harmful to our health. However, my family life has been a place of love, share and care with some ups and downs at times but mostly ups made us keep moving in the right 33

direction. We thank God for keeping our family intact, caring and sharing. The entire strength of my family life is closely entangled to my roots. I am indebted to my grandparents and my parents who laid the firm foundation of solid cultural, social and economic values in me. An indentured family that grew into a very successful farming community gave me the best of everything in my life. My only brother and seven sisters added a lot of value, lessons and joy to my growing up. I lived and interacted among the best friends in the village and the village elders were my role models throughout my early childhood. All my educational institutions â&#x20AC;&#x201C;primary, secondary and tertiary were the best in the country with the very best educators attached to them to impart quality education. Thus a very solid foundation was established for my future existence. Consequently every step that I took towards developing my future family was bold, cautious, planned and controlled. I was encouraged by my ancestors to enter the noble profession and that made me serve a variety of communities with pride and honour 34

for over five decades. The participation and contributions strengthened my family life because while I was imparting the valuable and useful knowledge to my students I was learning a lot of things myself to enrich my own life and living. Today I find that all those two way educational experiences have enabled me to live a healthy and enjoyable family life. My family grew in different directions like branches on a strong tree and yet our roots remained as one. The Prasad Family has been a circle of strength and love and with every birth and union it grew with pride and faith. It faced every crisis together to make the existing circle even stronger and more loving. Over the years of close observation I have begun to respect my family members because they have learnt to smile in trouble, gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection. Our family has been like melodious music with some high notes and some low notes but ultimately always composed a beautiful and harmonious song. Whenever we needed somewhere loving to go it was our home; if we needed to express our love we stuck to our family and because we had both these 35

qualities we were truly blessed. Now we are envy of many because love in our family flows deep and strong leaving us with fond memories to keep and treasure. Our Prasad Family began with my gradfather and gradmother Sarju Prasad Mahajan and Gangadei who gave birth to my father Bhagoati Prasad. My mother Ram Kumari was a pillar of strength of the family. The Prasad Family was where our family life began and the love, care and consideration within it would never end as long as the family tree spreads its strong branches. I always wanted things to go well with my family because then family life became worth living but I tried my best not to let the family falter because I knew that then the family life would fall apart. My family without any doubt has been the greatest wealth that I will ever possess. This is my reason to treasure every moment and take the time to ensure that the story that we have so lovingly and carefully created is the one that everyone of us would be proud of and look back on with a huge smiles on our faces. So the love and affection that my family shares 36

amongst themselves are the greatest blessings of our family life. We pray that all of it remains intact and strengthens and matures with time and space. To all of us family means a lot of things but the greatest understanding comes to us when we put our arms around each other and are there for each other. After my wife, my childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mother passed away in 2013 I found myself lost for a while and loneliness with grave sorrow and sadness surrounded me. Such a drastic situation was unbearable but my refuge in my scriptures bailed me out of it when I read and interpreted the meaning of death, body and soul in the Bhagvad Gita. Anyone who has departed from this earth would never return so we should not grieve but move on. Consequently I thought that I needed someone to love and care for me in my difficult days. After suffering for four long years I went to stay with my only brother Vijendra Prasad in Boisie in Idaho in USA in June 2016. There we shared a lot of things of our family and were fortunate to get the company of our only surviving brother of my father Chetram who

enlightened and refreshed us with a lot of old family stories. Our fate took us to a pleasant destination where I found all that I needed in a lady called Ganga. She has now become part of my life and I rejoice her company. She is caring, loving, intelligent and displays a lot of valuable human qualities that are hard to easily find elsewhere. I am indeed fortunate that with this needed addition my family life is intact and I have recollected the true essence of my living. Now I feel that life is not about waiting for the storm to pass but it is about learning to dance happily in the rain. I am now convinced that people in my predicament should never be controlled by other people, our financial situation and the past experiences. We have decided to live in the present and look to the future whatever it might bestow upon us. Nothing will be of any use in digging and embracing the past. I now believe that relationships are like glass so often it is better to leave them broken than to hurt yourself trying to put them back together. We have agreed that anything that costs our peace is going to be too expensive. 38

My concern now is that the love and admiration of my family is much more important to me than my wealth, privileges and prestige. Now it is all about improving and maintaining the quality of my life and finding a happy balance between my retirement, my friends and my extended family. My belief is now very simple regarding my family life. I believe that the family is the fundamental unit of fraternity in which my children, my partner and I learn a variety of new lessons of give and take, patience, altruism, tolerance and forebearance which would ultimately become essential to the realization of living together in harmony. When I was young I used to look around and see that so many people had things that were not usually given to me such as a big house, a new car and a lot of money. So for a moment I used to feel poor but then I remembered that I may not have many of those material things I did have my family that I loved and that loved me. I guess that is what makes me one of the richest people I know after all. Let me go back to what I wrote at the beginning of this chapter and further throw 39

some rocks. I know that cutting people off from family circles does not have any limits because family members can be cut off too if they are causing any stress. It is always wise to eliminate any negativity from our circle than to let them pollute the apple cart. It is my sad experience that some people would only â&#x20AC;&#x153;love youâ&#x20AC;? as much as they can use you. For me their loyalty ends where the benefits stop. Thank God we did not ever experienced such opportunists in our circle. Finally in this chapter I wish to draw some comparisons with various relationships. The words friend, boyfriend, girlfriend and the bestfriend all have an end except the word family which ends with ILY = I LOVE YOU. Therefore everything can have an end but as long as the sentiments of ILY = I LOVE YOU exist in our family life it would flourish and strengthen on every step we take in the future. FAMILIES Families are composed of people Who care about me and you, My family has always been special I know that every other family is too. 40

Loving mothers and caring fathers And kind sisters and wise brothers Pretty grandmas and handy grandpas Of course there are so many others. If one family is extended and big Another is intact and small While some families have children And there are some who have none at all. When our family lives together Or even when they are far, far apart It does not matter cos the people we love They all fill the map of our heart.

Chapter Five

Work Life After my proper professional preparation at the Fiji Advanced College of Education at Nasinu I was destined as a teacher to go forth and serve the community at a remote village school early in 1960. As a young educational artist with many dreams I got busy to impart the necessary knowledge to the eager children. Life as a bachelor in the basic accomodation provided by the school had to be tolerated and accepted as luxury in the remote village. Apart from teaching skills I had to possess various other necessary talents like the culinary art and be able to perform other domestic duties. Soon I got used to all the new setup because of the needed empathy and assistance of the other colleagues and the kind and considerate village community. Teaching the children as a new recruit was a challenge but I soon got acutely interested and commited myself to adjust to the task at hand. There is a stark difference between interest and commitment I found out. When one is 42

interested in doing something, one does it only when it is convenient but when one is totally committed to a professional adventure, one accepts no excuses but looks for results only. That was my total commitment to this new duty and responsibility. I firmly believed that it was not necessary for success destined people like me to possess any additional gifts but just commit myself to working diligently and harder and then succeed on purpose. It gradually became such that no matter how I felt everyday, I had to get up, dress up and show up at the school to face the class of eager pupils and never give up. I was scheduled to work for a cause, not for applause; I was to live a new life to express myself with pride, not to impress any body. So I strived and inspired myself to make my presence noticed in the community I went forth to serve. I knew that my services were needed and I did not want the community and particularly the young children to feel my absence in any way. I got on with the task and served the community well for two short years before moving on to another remote destination.

In the process of indoctrination and service I was able to surround myself with a variety of worthy people some of whom were mere dreamers whereas others were committed doers, believers and thinkers. But most of all they began seeing greatness within me even when I could not see it myself. Now that I had a pleasant taste of community service I was charged and motivated to do even better at the new location. In the next two years I was able to get a lot more from everyone I served than what I managed to give them. This was my personal, spiritual, cultural and ethical development that made me not only a much better teacher but a lot disciplined personalty. I found out that working hard for something you do not care about causes stress but I was connected with the community to work hard for something I loved so it became my passion. Soon I got involved in a variety of institutions and organizations such as the teachersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; union, drama club, soccer team and a few religious bodies. Thus I was able to serve the wider community with greater interest and commitment thus becoming part of the people culture. On my departure after another two years to my home town, the entire community 44

was somewhat disturbed and saddened but they knew that I had to go and serve my home community as well. It was my long term wish and interest to serve the people of my village and here I was ready to do this after four long years of service in the remote area of the country. I was able to do this by staying with my parents on our farmstead where I grew up. The pleasure and pride could not be easily contained and on top of that my parents completed my marriage ceremony. Both my wife and I began teaching at a nearby village school and shared the family life with my parents in the extended family. It was mostly fun and excitement but there were some minor spacial and habitual adjustments to be made. This could not last for long because we were transferred to Rampur College in Navua the next year. Again it was an opportunity to serve another rural community where there were a lot of difficulties of no good water supply, no electricity, inadequate transportation and housing. However, we adjusted our life style and got down to service with a smile. To add pleasure to our life our family began to grow. 45

We had to do a lot to improve the inadequacies at the school and by the time we left after serving there for four years, the school community had electricity, good water supply, adequate housing and better transportation. This assignment was the bouncing board for our career in Education Department when both of us were granted in-service awards to complete our University degrees at the University of the South Pacific. Whilst we were at the intelligentia we developed our first home at Lami near Suva. We had to gather more income from private tuition and other additional work loads to manage our increasing expenses. With four children to raise we had to keep at it with additional enthusiasm.

Our First Home in Lami in Fiji

Life became prosperous when both of us began teaching in secondary schools in Suva and I got promoted to the position of Senior Education Officer in the Curriculum Development Unit of the Education Department. It was prestige as well as job satisfaction that made us flourish for over a decade. We sold our first home to get enough profit for a new and better home at Laucala Beach Estate in Nasinu. We were professional practitioners and by now had a lucrative place in the workforce as well as the Teachersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Unions, both national and international. Our new home was a glory for us.

Our Second Home in Laucala Beach Estate 47

We were not â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;just a jobâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; employees to do just enough to keep our job while complaining about what was not fair or right at work but we became respectable team players and kept working positively together with everyone to get the job done the best way possible. We began seeing a lot of difference in our promotions. My wife was promoted as Senior Lecturer at the Advance College of Education to train teachers and I was given a lot more responsibilities to do curriculum, advisory and evaluational activities. I was given the duties of setting English Language and English Literature examinations for students of Forms one to seven for good five years. We worked joyfully and peacefully because we knew that right thoughts and right efforts would inevitably bring about the right results. I was transferred on promotion as Divisional Education Officer Western for the Secondary Schools and my wife became the Head of Department Languages in Secondary Schools. By this time our children were being educated overseas; the eldest child at Queensland University of Technology and the elder daughter at University of Queensland. Then 48

the second daughter had to go to Victoria University of New Zealand and the youngest initially to the University of the South Pacific and then to Queensland University of Technology. In order to keep them at these institutions we needed a lot of finance to keep supporting them so I retired from the service of the government when I was offered a lucrative position of the Director of Human Resources with a private firm. There it was added pleasure in the job that put perfection and a lot more satisfaction in our work. I completed my MBA and DBA from California USA and began serving the business world with pleasure. I introduced a lot of new ideas and concepts of conducting business to my newly joined company. Since I believed that no good decisions could be made from the swivel chair I wanted the idea of management by wondering around (MBWA) to be established in the company. The other sound concept of Human Resource Developmnet was the idea of developing human skills rather than terminating the slow achievers. I was able to develop my own work ethics: 49

    

if I said I was going to do something, I certainly did it; I gave all to my profession; I was always focused to do better; I took the needed initiative; and Clearly separated my professional and personal life.

Having completed all my given responsibilities with dedication and care for a decade I accepted another job offer as Senior Lecturer at Brisbane Education and Training Centre but the Immigration Department in Canberra declared us obese and asked us to control our weight. We lost over ten Kg each and could not do any better so we sought the support of our General Practitioner who wrote a supporting letter to say that our family history was made up of large bodied people and it was illogical to expect midgets when it came to our body structure. Our doctor further warned Canberra that any more weight loss would be detrimental to the health of his patient and Australian Government would be held liable for any adverse health complications. We got our visa within the next two weeks and moved to Brisbane. We bought our first property in Bellbowrie and that was an acreage and built 50

our first home. We had to sell this because all our children were married and had gone away to live on their own.

Photo of First Home Working for Education Queensland was a pleasure and privilege and we quickly established ourselves as valuable residents of Australia when I became a Justice of the Peace and Commissioner of Declaration. It was the close interaction with colleagues here that gave me the notion that ability was what I was capable of doing, my motivation determined what I did and my attitude showed how well I was doing everything. 51

So while we were able to earn our due respect and rightful place in Australia, we appreciated honesty and fair play, gained trust of the people and colleagues and were able to return our loyalty whenever and wherever we could. Having worked for Education Queensland for a decade we retired in 2002 to live happily and peacefully in our own home in Bellbowrie.

We bought another home in Bellbowrie from the savings of the first home and when we sold this one we bought a piece of land to build a house of our choice at 76 Ghost Gum Street.

Since we believed in our purpose, nothing could stand in our way. Our work life filled a large part of our life and satisfaction was bestowed on us at every location because we believed in doing great work which we did because we loved what we did. In conclusion for our work life let me say that our aim to work was not to make money but to justify life and we are proud that we were able to do this successfully. Everyone has a story and everyone has gone through many things that have changed them. We were no exception. Now often I want to step outside of my comfort zone, get some fresh air and remind myself of 53

who I was and who I am now. The greatest wish is to become who I want to be. All throughout our work life hard work spotlighted our character because we were ever ready to turn up our sleeves and not our noses. Our worklife gave us a few treasures to keep and they are : 



 

We were reasonably successful but we never dreamed about our success, we worked for it; All the struggles we made and felt during our work life kept offering us the needed strength we required for future; It was a kind of special fun to try to do the things that seemed impossible to us; Even if nobody believed in us and nobody supported us or recognized our efforts, we kept going.

Consequently, we were able to think positively so all the sound around us became music and all the movements enabled us to dance to let our smiles turn into laughter. When these things happened in work or family life our

mind naturally became meditation and life became a celebration. In our work life we juggled a few balls that represented our work, family, health, friends and integrity but found that the ones that bounced back well gave us an added pleasure. Our pleasure came from active participations in our work, family, community and service.

Chapter Six

COMMUNITY LIFE Everybody can be great if they wanted to serve the community because anybody can perform this simple service. You do not have to have a college degree to serve. You do not have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace and love for mankind. A soul generated by liking the people who are in need of anything. I agree with Rabindranath Tagore who said â&#x20AC;&#x153;I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.â&#x20AC;? Whenever and wherever I have invested my time, I made it my goal and a decision of something that I wanted to accomplish. Service has been joy to me always. Whether it was to make good grades in school, be a good athlete, be a good person, go down and do some community service and help somebody who was in need, whatever it was I choose to do, I knew I was investing my time in that so I needed to do it well. Without community service, I would not have had a strong quality of life. It was important to

the person who serves as well as the recipient. It was the way in which I grew and developed. Community service has taught me all kinds of skills and increased my confidence. I went out to serve with no wish to gain anything but satisfaction and to work with others to make the needy people wear a smile on the faces. That was what life was all about. My first stint of community service came to me when I joined the Cub Pack in my primary school. We used to go out with our teachers and help the old people of the village sort out their life and living. It was a real pleasure talking to the lonely and needy old people. They loved to communicate with us and tell us some of their wonderful and interesting stories that often enriched our life. When we were promoted to be Scouts at the end of our primary school days we then were always prepared to serve the community in a variety of ways. This was all because our Scout Master inspired us with the ideas of Robert Baden Powell who said that the most worth-while thing is to try to put happiness into the lives of others. We went to Kindergartens to help the teachers read and prepare art and craft for the tiny tots. It was during these service rounds that I realized that I had two hands, one to help 57

myself and the second to help others. I remember my Scout Master telling me that you cannot love and help your brothers across the world if you did not like and assist your neighbour across the street. These kinds of inspirations inculcated a love to keep serving the community as we grew older. During high school days we became members of school cadetship and Edinburgh Award Scheme and our teachers took us into the community to provide the necessary service to the needy people. We visited the prisons on Sundays to talk, read and discuss things with the prisoners. We visited temples and churches to clean their compound and do some simple chores for the priests. We visited after school care locations to assist students with their homework, organize games for them and helped the visiting teachers to guide their students master art and craft work. So long as we love to serve our people, so long as we are loved by our people, I would almost say that we would become indispensable; and I now believe that no man is useless while he has a friend in the community. In the end, the number of prayers we say may contribute to our happiness, but the number of prayers of the needy people we answer may be of even 58

greater importance and joy to us. After my early days of community service duties I felt that beauty was not who I was on the outside, it was the wisdom and time I gave away to save another struggling soul like me. When you are able to shift your inner awareness to how you can serve others, and when you make this the central focus of your life, you would then be in a position to know true miracles in your progress toward prosperity. My two years at the Teachersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; College gave me a lot of opportunities to continue with this extra curricular activity. We formed a drama club at the College with the help and guidance of our Lecturers and regularly performed on the stages of various local theatres to collect funds for the poor and the needy. Visiting the Sunday school classes was a pleasure because we narrated Bible stories to the children and learnt a lot of lessons ourselves. We even went to the local beaches to instruct young people to swim and give them other ideas and techniques of life saving. I was instrumental in using the services of the radio stations to advice parents about child care and development and even participate in some religious programmes organized by various religious groups. All these activities developed 59

a firm foundation to go forth and serve the wider community when we were posted as teachers. Never in my wildest dreams would I have even begun to imagine that community service could be such a rewarding experience. As the oldest child in the family I never had the opportunity of having someone that could help me with my school and home work, play with me and help me when I needed something. My parents once in a while could help me with homework, but I was definitely on my own considering my parents did bot know enough English to help me. I experienced the real depth and width of community service when I began serving as a teacher in the rural areas. Community service became not only something I had to do but something I enjoyed doing. It helped me understand that I did not have to do things just to get something back but because I enjoy helping others any way possible. If any of those kids at the child care or any needy person in the village needed help I would love to help them even if it meant not getting anything in return. This was the idea I got from Bhagvad Gita when Shri Krishna told Arjun that for all service to humanity we should not expect any rewards. 60

At first I had my doubts about doing community service there because I am a very impatient person especially when it comes to kids. I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think I could be around so many kids for so long. Yet, the love and respect these kids showed me helped me become a better and more patient person with them and all other kids in my personal life. Then the serve to the adult community was never ending. They gave me the attention I needed and I gave them the love and service they required. It became a win-win situation. I joined the Jaycees to organize fund raising for the needy and staged a variety of shows on the stages of the local theatre. People in the remote rural areas needed assistance with nutritional advice and I joined the medical team to travel by boat to help them. While there we even assisted expectant mothers get specific advisory service from the team of nurses. I became their translator. Life moved on and after serving the community on the second largest island of Fiji I went back to the main land. By this time I was not alone because my wife joined me a lot more enthusiastically to serve the people who needed our assistance and advice. We were in our home village and while my wife organized the assistance and advice in various womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s clubs I went with the 61

agricultural officers to advise the farmers about various aspects of farming. This did not last long because we were moved to another district but people there were more eager to get services that we could provide. My most valuable community service opportunity came to me when I moved to the city centre. While doing my Social Science research at the University of the South Pacific I had come across the homeless and youth who called themselves â&#x20AC;&#x153;Blue Shirtsâ&#x20AC;?. They were the unemployed young people alienated from their homes and communities and had moved to the city in search of enjoyment, entertainment and city life but could not make it and found it hard to cope with the adversities. In co-operation with the church leaders and some officers of the police force I went to help and advice these disruptive youth groups to endeavour to lead a better life. It was difficult but we managed to make some headway and get many of them out of that rut. They were either placed in the Boysâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Town or other institutions that the churches and the controlling agencies had established. We needed a lot of community and financial support that was not forth coming at the time but a start had been made to look after the interest of these kinds of social problems. 62

My transfer to the western division gave me more opportunity for community service when I joined the Rotary Club. Our assistance was extended to providing housing to the homeless, getting needy medical equipment for the Health Centres, beautification of towns and villages and catering for a variety of educational needs of the students to name a few. When I joined the commercial world my community services were minimised because of the long hours of work to meet the increasing competition but then financial assistance was a way out. I migrated to Australia but felt strongly that a person less fortunate than me deserved the best I could give. I did my best to do my job right, and I know I did it well, simply because I could, without looking for notice or reward. For me, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m going to believe in miracles, celebrate life, rejoice in the views of eternity and hope my choices will create a positive ripple effect in the lives of others. There is indeed a certain sense of gratification when we do a good deed that gives us inward satisfaction, and a generous pride that accompanies a good conscience. These testimonies of a good conscience are pleasant; and such a natural pleasure is very beneficial to us; it is the only payment that can never fail. Service to others in their time of need was 63

and is a privilege and an honour for me even now. The foundation of community service that was laid in my birth country is still alive and kicking in my adopted country and I hope to do even more for the people who need my assistance. I now do special activity to assist the youth who due to behaviour management are unable to do well in school subjects. My specific assistance is now extended to seniors when I have been acting as a mentor for them to voluntarily impart various Information Technology and Computer as well as Internet knowledge. My personal health limitations and old age are my reasons for gradual slow down in providing any more community services but I have not given up. Service goes on with a smile.

Chapter Seven

NATIONAL AND INTERNATIONAL LIFE My national and international life revolved around various trade unions and federations. I was heavily involved in the affairs of the Fiji Teachersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Union from 1960 to 1984 during which period I actively participated in various national and international meetings, seminars and conferences of the World Confederation of the Organizations of Teaching Profession (WCOTP) and International Federation of Free Teachersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Unions (IFFTU). These involvements took me to various places such as USSR, USA, Canada, Japan, Hong Kong, Panama City, United Kingdom, India, Singapore, Brazil, Jamaica, Malaysia, Philippines, Indonesia, Korea, Dubai, Brussels, Luxemburg, New Zealand, Australia, PNG, New Caledonia, Tonga and Geneva to mention a few that gave me a lot of new ideas. As a successful teacher I used to inspire not only my students but my other colleagues to make them realize that there were always rocks in the path ahead of us. We were to take these as either the stumbling blocks or the 65

stepping stones. I used the rocks in front of me as my stepping stones and that was my reason to join the union. I served as an ordinary member, as an executive member, as publicity officer, as international relations officer and as editor of various publications of the union for two decades. As a teacher I had developed many kinds of love: love of the teaching profession, love of the learning processes, love of the learners, love of the learning institutions and the love of the community. Then I endeavoured to bring all these loves together when I joined the union. This was the reason why the union and I as the editor of several publications kept our pressure on the authorities for the following five aspects of our deep concern:     

Relevant curriculum at all levels of education; Provision of up to date teaching aids and text books; Continuous professional in service programmes for quality teaching; Quality intake of new teachers; and Competitive salary structure with improved conditions of service for teachers.

The Union was established in 1930 but it took almost four decades to bring the appropriate and needed changes to the education system. The British colonialism had to end in the country and the country had to become independent for these long overdue educational reforms to take place. It was widely accepted that teachers in Fiji were very poorly paid and their terms and conditions of work was pathetic. Teachers were not paid as per their worth and respect and if you pay teachers peanuts you would expect monkeys as their products. The government as well as the people of the nation had to be convinced that we had to pay the best and brightest teachers the best and give them the due respect that they deserved. Almost all my editorials of the Fiji Teachersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Journals kept emphasising the point that we needed to give our teachers the respect they rightly deserved because they were the ones who were helping to build the nation by providing the valuable education to the children of the country. The consistent rubbing and resolutions of the union made the authorities yield and appoint a Job Evaluation Team to structure the salaries and work conditions of the teachers in 1973. I was appointed as one of the four delegates to represent all the teachers on the Job 67

Evaluation Team of the Public Service Commission and we produced a thorough report for a new salary structure for teachers in 1973 after a thorough study of the present salary structure in three months. We ensured that the salary structure of the teachers was comparative and structured to the whole civil service. Gradually the salaries and the service conditions of the teaching profession were not only improved but continuously assessed and adjusted. However, not all the teachers were entirely happy with this exercise so the union kept increasing the pressure on the authorities to look into the anomalies that existed after the Job Evaluation report. My international involvement as I said in the beginning took me to various places where I presented professional papers that were later published in various union publications. As a result of my international involvement I was elected to the executive committee of the International Federation of Free Teachers Unions and then later on was elected as the Secretary General of the South Pacific Teachersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Federation. Upon my promotion as Divisional Education Officer Western for secondary schools in 1983 I had to exit from all the positions of the 68

union. Then for four years I served as a successful Rotarian and visiting lecturer for various youth as well as adult groups for motivational presentations. The collection of all these lectures formed part of my book Motivation 2000. At the end of 1987 I retired from government service to join a large Group of Companies as their Director of Human Resources. I worked for this enterprise for ten years and while with them I completed my post graduate degree from California and in 1991 graduated as Doctor of Business Administration. My dissertation titled Human Resource Management: Acquisition, Development and Management of People in the Commercial and Industrial Economy of Fiji. I left Fiji to work as Senior Lecturer for Education and Training Centre of Education Queensland in 1995 and after serving for just over a decade I retired in 2006 to live in retirement at 76 Ghost Gum Street, Bellbowrie. Life has been a myriad of experiences as depicted in this publication. Those of us who are able to see beyond the shadows of our life and living would be well understood, honoured, believed and respected by the masses.

I have developed some specific rules after carefully looking at the various shadows of my life and living and these are:        

Never Hate Anyone or Anything Do Not Worry Unnecessarily Live a Simple but Fruitful Life Be Satisfied and Expect a Little Be Frugal but Give a Lot More Let All Your Smiles Turn to Laughter Live With Love and let live With Joy Best of All, Love God and Have Faith in Him.

Our Current Home at 76 Ghost Gum Street

Chapter Eight

Towards The End Any journey of life begins with the first bold step. I took that bold step when I came of age in 1961. As a teacher I began my life and living with specific goals and objectives. As a result of this realization I began to manage my life with a different emphasis. However, things did not always happen as I had wanted and intended. I fell many times but each time I went down or had a downfall I quickly learnt to stand up with greater determination. In the previous chapters I have enumerated various facets of my living as a motivated young person but this chapter reveals a lot of my errors and comedies in the life that I lived the way I wanted. Success for me was always the prime goal but my life was not always the bed of roses, luxurious living and rewarding experiences. I had multiple thorns that pricked with devastating pain, disasters that shattered me and bitter experiences that gave me serious troubles and worries but the best thing for me was that I pressed on regardless. In fact I was determined to believe that there was no real ending to my life and living because I discovered that it was just the right 71

and proper place where I could and would stop my story. It was upon my will to let the story of my life continue whether it was good, bad or ugly. Thus when I laughed, I managed to hide my sorrows; when I cried, my tears did not reveal my real pain because I managed to weep during my joyful living; when I was angry, I was able to wear my usual smile; and when I was sad, I managed to show my happiness. How did I do all these comedies in my life? I know not but I did them well. Now that I have come to almost the end of my life I am learning to look for that rope to tie a knot and hang on so that I am able to find a few more moments of joy and excitement. This was one of the reasons for me to find a worthy partner and settle down. Old age made me feel young as soon as Ganga came in my life. Like Ernest Hemmingway I too began to think that it is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the pleasant journey that matters in the end. We are on this pleasant journey and enjoying it too despite a few odds but many evens. Everything we are currently experiencing in our exciting life has come about in order to assist us in evolving a much higher level of consciousness and realization. The world around us, the family, the community and the entire physical belongings do not matter much 72

any more. We respect what we have but we have learnt to mind our own business. We have gained a lot and despite our few losses we are as happy and content as we have never been before. We want to live a life by believing and feeling that nothing belongs to us and when we leave this world we will depart with nothing in our possession. Empty handed we came and empty handed we will depart with pleasure. Even what we now perceive as good, better, ugly, sad, unpleasant, and negative or upsetting, we believe that they are here to assist us in visualizing our life as more peaceful, forgiving, loving and rewarding. We pray daily for universal and our inner peace. We have learnt a lot from this clear narrative when life asked death, “Why do people love life but hate death?” and death quickly responded thus, “It is simply because life is meant to be a beautiful and rewarding lie and death is always a painful truth.” As real as we tried to make our life, it is short, fictitious and full of lies. We give ourselves false assurances when we fall and fail and rejoice unnecessarily when we rise and succeed. However, it is through our hard and deeper understanding of our life experiences that we accept both the sides of our normal life and living. We have reached a point in our life where we no longer care if there is a light at 73

the end of the tunnel or not because we have accepted that the tunnel is now useless for us and we are sick and tired of it. At the end of everyday we are at peace with ourselves because our intentions are good and our heart is as pure as we can make it. We firmly believe that music, art and creativity are our emotional life and we enjoy doing some gardening and talking to our plants, flowers and fruits as we enjoy listening to a variety of music, watching films and writing some stories to entertain not only ourselves but leave a legacy behind for people who would love to read and enjoy our creativity. These activities have led us to realize that our life is what we celebrate, all of it and even its end. What we loose physically we gain mentally and emotionally through our multiple actions, thoughts and attitude. These make our life even more exciting, rewarding and interesting to live happily till that end. We keep dreaming because we know fully well that no one in life has ever achieved and attained greatness, success and joy without attainable dreams and vivid visions. We are mindful that when we get to the end of our lives together then the home we own to dwell in peace and enjoyment, the car we drive for our comfortable travelling and all the other things we possess for our needs and wants 74

would not matter at all. We know quite clearly as to what would matter most for us and that is that we have had each others love, care and support for whatever short period of our loving life. I have Ganga and Ganga has me. We know fully well that we maybe able to go back and make a new beginning but we would rather begin right now and make a brand new ending. At the end of our life we would not be judged by how many degrees and diplomas we have had, how much money we have made and lost, how many properties we possessed and wasted and how many great stories we have written in our life but we would be judged by our words, actions thoughts, character and heart. How we fed ourselves and our people when hunger struck us; how we clothed and covered ourselves and our loved ones when we were naked and how we sheltered us when we had no home or belongings. We would be gone and forgotten but our deeds would keep us alive. We want the rest of the world to think and do likewise. Whatever little they can do would make a lot of difference to the world we live in. We want Buddha’s words to ring in the minds of our people: “Each morning we are born again. What we do today matters most.” This is the reason we believe that we should stop 75

talking and just learn to act well our part in life. Let us not just say things but let us show our kindness whenever we can and let us not just make promises but learn to prove things for the betterment of all. Now when our life is about to reach its end we think what really matters for us is not what we bought but what we constructed for good living; not what we got and accumulated but what we shared with others; not our skills, competence and talents but our thoughts and character and not our successes but our significance. We tried to live a life that mattered to us and the life that was full of meaning, love and care for each other. Some time back when I was feeling all alone I would not let anyone enter my life. This situation began to hurt me and I began to feel scared not only of people, procedures and places but myself and all my events. I was gradually losing control of everything and feeling guilty. Then I woke up from my slumber and found out that it was my entire fault. I began to pray for my inner peace. I began to try hard to wake up because I was not like this before and I needed to change a lot of my images, styles and living. I did and I managed to find happiness in my new relationship. She made me feel good and 76

recover from my delusions. All the hurts and pains gradually began to vanish and I became myself again ready to enjoy the end of my life. I found out that there was something beautiful in every moment and everyday. I just had to go out and find it. I did and I am thankful to our meaningful relationship. When my new relationship materialized and began to mature I was compelled to ask many questions and get the right answers for each one of them. Am I living a new life? Is my life experiencing the benefits of renewed love? The answers were in the positive and my internal feeling announced that the clock of this short life was ticking faster now than before and I better start loving the new living. Thank God and thank my partner that once I started seeing the beauty of renewed life all the ugliness and worries started disappearing. The vital thing was that as I started looking at this tiny life with added joy all the sadness and negativities began to disappear gradually. I then decided between enjoying the benefits of heaven and pain of burning in the hell. I knew that I could only have one. My choice was heaven on earth. That is where I am towards the end of my life. I began writing notes to myself daily. â&#x20AC;&#x153;This is your journey Rama. Have faith in yourself and 77

your God Almighty. This is your body, your mind, your life and your spirit. Just dig deep, own it and start doing things for you and your wife. Be yourself and things will fall in proper place as you two move along that heavenly path. Look back but for lessons only and keep constantly looking ahead for enchantment, inspiration, dreams and the right visions. Nothing will stop you from enjoying the moments towards the end of your life. I now believe that one of the greatest joys of my life and living is to be satisfied with my entire condition where I am appreciative of everything that comes to me. I now wear a completely different lens into my sight both internal and external and try to perceive better and more peaceful life as I grow older gracefully. There is no hurry, no worry and I enjoy the food that we cook together as wife and husband. The whole things taste delicious and healthy. Now we also know that we have to be at our strongest and toughest whenever we are feeling weaker and vulnerable. It is the fact of life that the world is physically round but economically competitive and so getting more difficult to live and adjust our life and living. So the places which may at times seem like the end may also be the beginning of a lot of things. 78

Therefore a lot of care and understanding has to be part of our existence. Consequently we do not want to get to the end of our life and ultimately find that we lived just the length of it because there are other sides to our meaningful existence. Naturally then we want to have comfortably lived the width, height and depth of it as well. So we want to confidently say and believe that we have lived the full life when we reach the end. We do not want to see death as the very end of our life because we know that the horizon is not the end of the vast ocean. There are a lot of activities and episodes beyond these seemingly terminal points. We must learn to swim with the sharks of this world. We have found that often the hardest things and the right and proper things are the same. Many people in our life are going to leave us but we do not want to feel and believe that that is the end of our story because that is only a part of our narrative. There are many more episodes to come for us to mingle happily or sadly with everyone around us. We must be ready to face those settings and backgrounds. In fact we are. When we get to face the world we have not yet seen and hear the names of people we have not yet heard, we would still move on and love 79

and appreciate the events, things and ideas. Even if years separate us we would still have to establish some compromising positions and socially, politically and economically interact with them whether we like them or not. This is called adjustment. Somewhere between the sand and the stardust, through every collapse and creation, there definitely exist a place and space that keeps echoing and calling us. We want to march on with care and comfort. When we leave this world finally, we are compelled to give up all our possessions, our memories and our all else. Love, compassion and empathy that we shared with our people, places and procedures are the only things we will take with us. Some of us believe that these are all that we carry from one life to the other. At least we do not have full faith in this belief. We believe that God knows everything and He has the eternal love for us. He knows what to give us and from which acts to save us to lead a happy and peaceful life. God never punishes anyone because He is the only symbol of love, peace, progress and prosperity. God has given us this opportunity to live happily on this earth and we are grateful to Him for everything he has dished out for our comfort. We know that when our life ends, God will have a special place in his kingdom for us. So we are here to act our part as best as we can. 80

We never know what God has in store for us and we can make all the plans we want and wish to but at the end of the day whatever is going to happen is going to happen. There may be a little effort on our part that can change things but by and large the saying â&#x20AC;&#x153;que sera sera or whatever will be will beâ&#x20AC;? is true. Eventually we will end up where we need to be, with whom we are meant to be and doing what we should be doing. I have a firm and humble hope that one day I will be able to look back at what I had accumulated in life and the reason for it but either rejoices or regret for every single thing that I did to let things come to an end. I know that the moment I started wondering if I deserved better, I did. Often I had to be my own hero and lead a life that was unique for me. There were people in my life that I could not live without as there were others who could live without me. I knew and understood that one smile can start a true friendship; one word can end a fight; one look can save a relationship and there were a few people who were prepared to 81

change my life. Everything was okay in the end because if it was not okay then I would not feel that it was the end. I then had the audacity and power to say that that was not how my story would end. Someday when the pages of my life do come to an end, I know that there were a few honest and kinder people in my life that were part of the beautiful chapters of my life. I now know that I could do only so much in the end to make things better but what it comes down to in the end is that I tried to make things work for me and I succeeded. Finally I now am quite certain that I cannot change the past but I certainly can start a new chapter with a lot more happier and different ending. Now I have also learnt that one of the hardest decisions I would ever face in my life that is coming to its end is choosing whether to walk away from negative events, people, places and procedures or try harder to establish new paths with greater inspiration. I know which route to take to complete the end of my life and living. Life goes on and I will prevail.

Greed I came to know was a very distasteful human feeling. The ignorant mind, with its infinite afflictions, passions, and evils, is rooted in the three poisons. They are greed, anger, and delusion and it was through my ignorance and greed that I got caught in this scam. I do regret this because I had gained much more in my life through good deeds and honest dealings but I have learnt a lot from a few odd debacles.   



There is no need to have it all, you make the best of what you have; He who wants everything every time may lose everything if not careful; As long as greed is stronger than wisdom and compassion, there will always be suffering; I too believe now that nothing in the entire world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance, obvious foolishness and conscientious stupidity; I now am mindful that real knowledge is to know the extent of my ignorance;

Chapter Nine

I CHANGED FOR THE BETTER AFTER MY REALIZATIONS Ten Things I Gave Up Upon Reaching Adolescence Fear of Failure Doubting Myself Negative Thinking Criticising Myself Talking ill of Others Procrastination Pleasing Everybody Self Praise False Pride Fear of Success.

I was told that if I did not change things then nothing would change for me to lead me to future successes. So I changed my ways, thinking and actions.

I began my imagination with my entire mind. I began to believe with all my heart. I tried to achieve things with all my might.

I stopped watching the clock and started doing what it does best-Just keep going. I started from where I was and began using what I had to do what I could. Then my greatest pleasure in my life was doing what others said I could not do. Then I realized that dreams did not become a reality through magic because it took sweat, determination and hard work. I have made up my mind that no matter what comes my way, no matter how difficult, no matter how unfair things, events and people become, I would try to do more than simply survive and thrive in spite of them. Anything that did not challenge me, I knew that it would not change me. I then realized that all the old ways would not be able to open the new doors for me. So I started pushing myself because my instinct warned me that one one else was going to do things for me. I now know and preach that all the difficult roads we face often lead us to beautiful destinations. So unless I puke, faint or die I am determined to keep going. I therefore worry about loving my ideas instead of worrying about the idea of other people loving my ideas. 85

All the struggles I am facing today are helping me to develop the potential and strength that I would need tomorrow and in the future. So I have decided not to stop when I am tired but stop only when I am done.. During my work and family life many people told me that I could not do certain things but I often told them that with the help of my God â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;I CANâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;. Those that believed me understood that postivity always inspires us. I conclude that it is better for me to lose my pride with someone or something I love rather than to lose that someone or something I love with my useless pride because I know that pride always has a fall. My father told me that falling down was part of life but getting back up was real living so you can fall several times but always remember to stand up quickly and carry on with life with added vigour.

Chapter Ten

Humanity and Passion I

am a passionate advocate of humanity. Humanity for me is an array of different people. We in this world are a diverse group of people with one common thread that holds us all together. Every single human being is searching for something. We are searching for fulfilment, love, money, lust, knowledge, wisdom, security. Every one of us is searching to find something that we believe is missing out of our life. Humanity is tied together by the belief that we are missing something in our current lives, if we didn't believe we were, we wouldn't desire to change anything that is around us. We wouldn't seek to be a better race of people, better families, or better individuals. Passion on the other hand is any powerful or compelling human emotion or feeling or a strong and extravagant fondness, enthusiasm or desire for anything. We can have passion for music, art, culture or any social, economic or political event or development.

Looking and then finding our passion is not just about careers, money, relationship or any other social aspects. It is about finding our authentic self, the one we have buried beneath the needs of the community, nation and other people. We all have seen that people with great passion have made the impossible become possible. We all know that our life on this earth is very short so if there was ever a moment to follow our passion and do something that matters to us and for our people that moment is now and here. Those of us who prioritise our life around spending our valuable time with passionate people we gradually become passionate ourselves and go forth to serve. Then our mission in life is not merely to survive but to thrive and we begin to do things with passion, some compassion, some interest, greater enthusiasm and with a different style. This world has always liked people with emotional and intellectual depth and people who speak and do things with passion. There are simple but overwhelmingly strong passions that have governed the lives of many people around us. They develop a serious longing to spread love for people and the country, conduct continuous search for 88

knowledge and develop an unbearable pity and warmth for the suffering of mankind. For many enlightened and concerned people of this world nothing is as important as passion, so no matter what they want to do and say in life they are always passionate. It is the contribution of this group that has assisted us to create harmony and peace in the universe. As long as they exist and remain enthusiastic the number of people who are not so passionate would keep diminishing. Human passion can be classified in three simple ways, namely:ď&#x201A;ˇ If we do not go after something we really want to have or do, we will not be able to have it; ď&#x201A;ˇ If we do not ask then the answer will always be in the negative; and ď&#x201A;ˇ If we do not step forward to do things we like and want then we will always be stationed in the same place. Hence, humanity dictates that passionate people wake up and do something worthwhile for themselves as well as others. Very early in life I learnt to be passionate about my life and wanted to live without the fear of falling. I began taking chances and in many instances I surprised myself on my 89

successes. I then found out that the things I was passionate about were not random at all because they were my calling. There were many things in my life that caught my eye but only a few caught my heart and I pursued those with passion. Life of a passionate human being teaches and reveals the difference between CAN and CANNOT. There are only three letters that make the difference. The very moment we delete the last three letters (NOT) the remaining three letters (CAN) can and have shaped the directions of our life. Human success is determined and measured by the strength and confidence of our desire, the size of our dreams and how we handle all our disappointments along the way. My simple advice to my friends and colleagues has always been not to let small minds convince us that our dreams are too big. All human beings of passion, pro-action and positive action in this world generally meet with success whereas the idle are not able to get the taste of such achievements. For all passionate human beings if success becomes impossible then they immediately seek to remove those difficulties and set-backs that bar their way to success. That is the reason I state that we human beings are designed to be alone or isolated because we would not be able 90

to thrive that way at all. Instead we must learn to spread a little love for what we do and our passion to do and say things. Very early in life I found out that my life did not have any â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;remoteâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; so I learnt to get up and change things myself. Gradually that attitude became my passion. The two things in my life that I had total control over have been my attitude and my effort. That is why when I said that erasers were made for those who made mistakes my grandfather told me that erasers were made for those human beings who were willing to correct their errors and mistakes. Therefore attitude was not what I learnt from school, it became part of my nature and upbringing. One of the lessons of my childhood that I have not forgotten is what my father said to me about my attitude. He said that the only disability in life is a bad attitude. Set your attitude right and you are a perfectly able human being. So for all human beings the maxim should be to do and say everything with passion or do not do it at all. Success has never been the key to my happiness but conversely my joy and my passion have been the key to my success. I loved what I was doing all my life therefore I met reasonable success in my life. 91

I was not doing very well in my middle primary school and my class teacher knew I could do better so he called me aside and said, ‘my dear student you have to listen carefully to what I have to say to you today because this will bring change into your life.’ He stood tall in front of me and made me sit down on the bench and said, “I want you to remember that as long as you have got passion, faith and are willing to work hard you will be able to do anything and have anything you want in this world.” Those words of my wise teacher kept ringing in my head and I kept moving ahead as he wanted me to. Consequently, I began to pursue all my dreams and my life woke up when everything within and around me began to have meaning. I found out that the secret of making everything work in my life was to first of all develop that deep desire to make things work and then have the firm faith and belief that it can work. After this I had to hold that clear and definite vision in my conscience to ensure that I could work out all these step by step without any doubt and disbelief. I was told that all our paths of life lead us on various rough and winding trails. I had to differentiate between the valuable and wicked paths to reach the end successfully. Therefore I had to develop choices and set my courses 92

carefully offered a pain and and hard my life.

because every corner of my path new and rewarding view. So all the failures I endured alongside my joy work began shaping my destiny and

Towards my mid career I learnt that to practice any art, profession or occupation I had to develop my passions well and make myself grow effectively and efficiently. This transformation was not easy but I was determined to move forward with deeper commitment, hence I found plain sailing in my life. I had never been scared of losing anything in my entire life, then again nothing in my life has ever meant as much as my passion to move on and be self sufficient with all my basic needs. In fact that is my contentment. I knew and fully understood that I was to live only once but I also knew that if I did things right then once was enough.

Chapter Eleven

Every Great Achievement Was Once Impossible Every great achievement was once impossible until someone set a goal to make it a reality. Lewis Carroll's famous masterpiece Through the Looking Glass contains a story that exemplifies the need to dream the impossible dream. There is a conversation between Alice and the queen, which goes like this: "I can't believe that!" said Alice. "Can't you?" the queen said in a pitying tone. "Try again, draw a long breath, and shut your eyes." Alice laughed. "There's no use trying," she said. "One can't believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes

I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." When you dare to dream, many marvels can be accomplished. The trouble is, most people never start dreaming their impossible dream. If You Think- Walter D. Wintle If you think you are beaten, you are. If you think you dare not, you don't! If you want to win, but think you can't, It's almost a cinch you won't. If you think you'll lose, you're For out in the world we Success begins with a fellow's It's all in the state of the mind.

lost; find will;

Life's battles don't always go To the stronger and faster man, But sooner or later the man who wins Is the man who thinks he can. Take Time Take time to laugh It is the music of the soul. Take time to think It is the source of power. 95

Take time to play It is the source of perpetual youth. Take time to read It is the fountain of wisdom. Take time to pray It is the greatest power on earth. Take time to love and be loved It is a God-given privilege. Take time to be friendly It is the road to happiness Take time to give It is too short a day to be selfish Take time to work It is the price of success. I used to speak to motivate the youths when I was a Rotarian in Ba and I started off one of my seminars by holding up a $100 note. In the room of some 200 people, I asked, "Who would like this $100 note?" Hands started going up. I said, "I am going to give this $100 note to one of you but first let me do this." I proceeded to crumple the note up. I then asked, "Who 96

still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air. "Well," I replied, "What if I do this?" And I dropped it on the ground and pretended to grind it on the floor with my shoe. I picked it up,. Now the $100 note was all rumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?". Still the hands went into the air. "My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $100. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and grounded onto the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we were worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. You are special. Do not ever forget it.” I told the participants of the seminar. I then added these remarks to conclude my speech: “Never let yesterday’s disappointments overshadow tomorrow’s dreams because life is the most precious asset we have.”

We all have choices in life each and every day. To Be Kind & Considerate To Love God & Your People To Pray for World Peace To Be Grateful for Your Life To Be Excited & Inspired to do Good To Be Thankful for What You Have To Be Happy and Make Others Happy To Serve Without Expecting Rewards To Live in Good Health & Let others Live To Work Hard, Stay Humble & Smile Often To Keep Honest & Stay Loyal To Travel Widely & Keep Learning & DO NOT WORRY. My Way I was born poor without any clothes but I am sure I will go from this world richly wrapped in robes. I also know that I was born poor without any wealth and belongings but I know it would not be my fault if I depart from this universe without accumulating anything. However, I would not take anything with me except my richness of truth, beauty and goodness that I helped to propagate and spread in the community. I made my family; friends and colleagues think big, think fast, think freely and think well ahead. Above all I did the same and I always 98

knew that good Ideas have never been the monopoly of anyone. I valued the ideas that worked for me and that gave me contentment and reasonable success. I always tried to pursue all my goals the very best way I could even in the face of difficulties, and I endeavoured to convert all my adversities into opportunities. Challenge negative forces with hope, selfconfidence and conviction. I believe that ambition and initiative will ultimately triumph. 1. Between my past, the present and the future, there is one common factor: Relationship and Trust. This is the foundation of our growth. 2. If you work with determination and with perfection, success will follow.

Chapter Twelve

The Power of Expectation I have always felt that nobody would ever be able to rise above the normal life if they live with low expectations. As seen from my above presentations that success in most fields of endeavour depends on an ability to visualise success. It has long been known that elite athletes mentally rehearse each performance prior to its execution. Advances in neuroscience show why this may be so important: the neurological processes involved in visualising a performance are almost identical to those involved in the performance itself. Indeed, simply watching somebody else perform activates â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;mirrorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; neurons in the observer paralleling neuronal activity in the performer. The ability to visualise success and an accompanying belief that success is possible appear to be prerequisites for most forms of human achievement. It also is clear that the development of selfefficacy is strongly influenced by the attitudes and beliefs of others. In schools, high 100

achievement tends to be correlated with high parental and cultural expectations. Parents, in particular, are powerful inculcators of values and aspirations. Highly influential teachers also are commonly described as individuals who communicate a ‘belief’ in their students and who build self-confidence through high expectations. However, just as some students live up to high expectations, so others live down to the low expectations held for them. In education, low expectations are the equivalent of bone pointing; all too often they become self-fulfilling prophecies. Not surprisingly, students develop differing beliefs about their own abilities to learn. Some students appear to view ability as ‘fixed’ and something over which they have little control. Students who believe they have low fixed abilities tend to believe that effort will make no difference. Those who believe they have high abilities often underestimate the importance of effort. On the other hand, students with an ‘incremental’ view of ability have a deep belief that success is related to effort. Rather than interpreting past failures as indicators of a lack of ability, these students are more likely to explain failure in terms of a lack of effort. Interestingly, research has identified cultural differences in these beliefs. East 101

Asian students tend to have more incremental views of their abilities than students of European origin. Given its importance to ongoing learning and achievement, few outcomes of schooling are more important than the development of a belief in one’s own capacity to learn. Because teachers and schools are in powerful positions to shape this belief – both positively and negatively – vigilance is required to ensure that educational practices do not unintentionally communicate and institutionalise low expectations of some learners. One way in which educational practices can institutionalise low expectations is by treating excellence as a limited resource. There is general acceptance in society that not everybody can excel. Not everybody can be an Olympic athlete, just as not everybody can be tall. Indeed, if to ‘excel’ means to stand out from the crowd, then by definition, only some can excel. By analogy, it is argued, not everybody can (or even should) achieve excellence in the learning of mathematics or languages or science. Excellence in school achievement is a scarce resource available to only a few.

102

It seems likely that this deeply seated belief is driven in part by notions of intelligence. Beginning with Francis Galton in the midnineteenth century, it became common to identify and label varying levels of human intelligence, with each level representing an IQ range and a percentage of the population under the normal (bell) curve. A small percentage of ‘geniuses’ were at one extreme and small percentage of ‘imbeciles’ and ‘idiots’ were at the other end. It was a small step from concluding that high intelligence was scarce to expecting excellence in school achievement also to be scarce. One of the clearest illustrations of the rationing of excellence is the process known as ‘grading on the curve’. Under this process, the percentage of students achieving each available performance grade is predetermined. For example, a decision might be made ahead of time to award the top ten per cent of students an ‘A’, and the next 15 per cent of students a ‘B’, regardless of their absolute levels of achievement. This practice, common in some higher education institutions, is intended to counter the possibility of ‘grade inflation’ (that is, an increasing percentage of students being awarded high grades with no accompanying increase in absolute levels of achievement). 103

The rationing of top grades to fixed percentages of students sends a clear message that excellence in educational achievement is expected of only a few. There are many other, more subtle, ways in which educational institutions communicate the same message. However, educational achievement is not predetermined in the way that attributes such as height are pre-determined. Achievement is strongly influenced by the quality of teaching, parental support and expectations, and student effort. Educational achievement also is not a competition with limited spoils for the winners. Just as levels of health, wealth and educational participation have increased in the general population over time, there is no reason why the percentage of students achieving excellence also should not increase. In reality, there appears to have been a decline in absolute levels of performance in subjects such as mathematics and science in Australia over the past two decades. The possibility of significantly larger numbers of students achieving excellence is made clear in international studies such as the Trends in International Mathematics and Science Study (TIMSS) and the OECDâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Programme for International Student Assessment (PISA). In reading, mathematics and science, between 10 and 15 per cent of Australian students 104

perform at ‘advanced’ international levels. Under the belief that excellence is a scarce resource, this percentage of advanced performers may seem about right. However, in East Asian countries between 35 and 50 percent of students perform at the same ‘advanced’ levels. A second way in which low expectations can be institutionalised in educational practice is by placing ceilings on learning. It is well known that students are more likely to learn successfully when engaged and motivated and when provided with learning opportunities appropriate to their current levels of achievement and learning needs. Students are less likely to learn when given work that is much too easy or much too difficult for them, meaning that ‘differentiated’ teaching is important when students are at widely varying levels of achievement. However, expectations are lowered for students when they are assigned to classes or streams that place a ceiling on what they are able to learn or how far they are able to progress. In an effort to provide ‘relevant’ learning experiences appropriate to students’ abilities and interests, educational courses often protect participants from intellectual rigour and limit what they are able to learn. 105

For example, in mathematics â&#x20AC;&#x201C; which often labours under the belief that it is inherently difficult, obscure and of limited relevance for many students â&#x20AC;&#x201C; it is common to create easier streams for less able students. But these easier streams, with their focus on low-level, applied learning often have low expectations of the quality and quantity of mathematics learning and deny students access to the essence and beauty of this subject. Recent growth in secondary school completion rates in Australia has been accompanied by increases in the numbers of students taking lower level courses of this kind. Since the mid1990s, the percentage of Year 12 students taking elementary mathematics has grown by 30 per cent while the percentages taking intermediate and advanced mathematics have declined by 22 and 27 per cent respectively. A third way in which low expectations can be institutionalised is through the prejudging of studentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; capabilities based on their group membership. When students are grouped according to demographic characteristics, it is clear that some student groups have higher average levels of achievement than others. For example, students living in rural and remote areas tend to have lower average achievement levels than students living in urban areas. 106

Girls tend to outperform boys, particularly in language-rich subjects. Non-Indigenous students outperform Indigenous students, and students from high socioeconomic backgrounds outperform students from low socioeconomic backgrounds. In some cases, these gaps are the equivalent of two or more years of school. The problem arises when expectations of individuals are then lowered on the basis of the group/s to which they belong. In educational practice, there is often a small step from observing a correlation – for example between socioeconomic background and achievement – to treating this observation as an ‘explanation’. Low socioeconomic status is regularly invoked as an explanation for low achievement, despite the fact that some students from low socioeconomic backgrounds can be found among the highest achievers in our schools and universities, and some students from high socioeconomic backgrounds can be found among our lowest achievers. And from ‘explanation’, it is another small step to ‘expectation’ and beyond that to ‘excuse’. School principals who have led significant improvements in low socioeconomic areas often report that their first challenge was to confront low staff expectations. In these 107

schools, teachers had come to expect low achievement on the basis of students’ backgrounds. And there are other, more subtle, ways in which observed correlations can lead to lowered expectations. For example, it is a small step from comparing schools with statistically similar student intakes to concluding that students in a particular school are performing well ‘given their socioeconomic backgrounds’ or ‘given the proportion of Indigenous students in the school’. Conclusions of this kind border on what is sometimes referred to as the ‘soft bigotry’ of low expectations. Prejudging and ‘prejudice’ have identical etymological origins: both can be the result of ignoring individuality and assigning individuals the presumed characteristics of a group. There is a long history in school education of observing differences in average group performances and then designing programs and initiatives to address the needs of specific student groups (for example, the needs of boys, Indigenous students or students from low socioeconomic backgrounds). However, there is little evidence that the achievement gaps such programs and initiatives were 108

designed to address have closed significantly in recent decades. More generally, there is a question as to whether emphasising group membership is counterproductive. A preoccupation with demographic distinctions may serve only to highlight existing differences and cement future expectations. A fourth way in which low expectations can be institutionalised is by prejudging studentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; capabilities on the basis of their age or grade. Schools continue to be organised on traditional lines with students grouped and taught in grades based on age. Under this â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;assembly-lineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; model, students move in a lock-step fashion from one year to the next, with teachers at each stage delivering the curriculum for that grade. This model has been strengthened in recent years with the development of explicit gradebased curricula with accompanying assessments to establish how much of the curriculum for their grade students have mastered. This practice is another example of the use of group membership to set expectations for student learning. The reality in learning areas such as mathematics and reading is that, despite this lock-step model, students in the same grade currently vary in their achievement levels by 109

as much as five or six years of school. As Dylan Wiliam has observed, in practice there is only a loose relationship between educational achievement and age. If teachers treat all students of the same age as equally ready for the same grade-based curriculum and teach to the middle of the grade, then some lower-achieving students are likely to be left behind. There is evidence that many of these students fall further behind with each year of school. At the same time, expectations are lowered for higher-achieving students when learning is limited to the completion of class work targeted at the middle of the grade. It is not uncommon to hear of classes in which more able students, rather than being challenged and extended, are given â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;free timeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; once they have completed set class work. In spite of limiting beliefs and practices of this kind, many teachers, school leaders and parents share powerful alternative beliefs about student learning. These include beliefs that every individual is capable of learning, with no natural limits on what most individuals can learn; that at any given time, students are at different points in their learning and may be progressing at different rates, but that all are capable of further progress if motivated and if provided with 110

learning opportunities appropriate to their readiness and needs; that individual differences in ability to learn are readily compensated for by effective teaching; that starting points for teaching are best established individually rather than inferred from group membership; and that excellent, ongoing progress is a more appropriate expectation of every learner than the expectation that all students of the same age/grade will be at the same point in their learning at the same time. In situations where teachers, school leaders and parents share beliefs of this kind, expectations are raised and students perform beyond the limits imposed by the rationing of excellence, lowlevel courses that deny access to high achievement, reduced expectations of particular demographic groups and gradebased assembly lines. These were some of the elements of expectation I had collected while I was a Senior Lecturer at the Brisbane Training Centre in Queensland, Australia.

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Chapter Thirteen

Great Expectations Of My Life Like

all human beings I too had great expectations in my life. My amazing journey of informed life or my second birth began when I was only eight years old living on a farmstead of my grandparents and parents in a small village of Fiji. Most of my friends at this tender age were as happy as a lark. They were content with their life and unaware of all the events that were happening around the world. However, after my second birth I was no ordinary eight year old but let us say I was a needle in a haystack, maybe one among many. As a child I had to work very hard and for long hours on the farm to assist my grandparents and parents live a comfortable life because we were poor. That was no excuse for my elders not to expect excellent results from my school. The bruises from the difficult work and the pain of working long hours and then trying to concentrate on my studies at night became my memories. However, throughout all these endeavours one man who stood by my side through my entire childhood was Sattu. 112

As soon as I saw and met Sattu I had an instant affinity towards him, he was like the protective elder brother that I never had. The amazing amounts of love, care and attention that he showed towards me were unbelievable and I did not expect that he would help me so much through the difficulties in my childhood. He helped me through the rough and tough. Another moment that really changed my life was the day that I met Sahadutt. You do not want to know some of the suppositions I first had when I first set eyes upon this old but wise man. Obviously then I did not know who he was and I did not know what a brilliantly kind man he was, none the less when I first saw him I looked at him in his torn up rags and thought to myself “what a disgusting, pungent, revolting man stood in front of me.” My eyes were transfixed as I gazed at what seemed to be a special human monster in front of me. Sahadutt gradually became the old wise man in the rough ocean for me. Then as I have written elsewhere in one of my short stories, I had the fortune of being ‘mothered’ by Radhika who was my nanny from my very early childhood. Radhika took me as her own and gave me all the love and care of a mother. If my mother was Deoki, Radhika became my mother Yasoda. This was because she protected me so that I would 113

never get in trouble anywhere and at anytime. I was really overwhelmed by how protective she was of me and my living. Her love, care and teachings were divine. These three people became my bright torch for establishing a firm foundation of my great expectations in life. Sattu acted as my elder brother, Sahadutt as my old and wise adviser and guide and Radhika turned out to be my treasury of everything that was truthful, goodness and beautiful in life. I was truly blessed with the trio and my grandparents and parents did the supplementary guidance and rearing. Thus began the great expectations of my life and I am extremely proud of the contributions and participations of these Saints and Angels to cull out a brilliant future for me. Of course, I have never forgotten the great part that my many wise and quality teachers played in making me what I am today and guiding me toward all my valued expectations in life. One teacher that out-shines above all of them was Pundit Rohan Prasad who took my literature classes at High School and introduced me to The Great Expectations of Charles Dickens. I managed to extract a lot out of this novel to consolidate my personal expectations in my life. 114

With such a mixed and lucrative upbringing and indoctrination I commenced my destination in search of my great expectations. I discovered mentors and guides at every step of my life. When I talk about expectations in my life, there could be many areas that I can think of. My expectations in life were to have a fine student and family life as well as a stable career. I began my search for a life that was built and established around the principles of humanity and a career that could provide me professional satisfaction as well as stability to lead a loving and worthy family life. I was convinced from the very beginning that these were possible endeavours. Firstly let me dwell on my expectations to establish a stable career and here I as a reasonably talented student had to study hard because I was told that without proper education, I could not work in the career I wanted. So acquiring appropriate knowledge became my prime objective because knowledge would grant me all the necessary powers to proceed with diligence, confidence and competence. Not only I myself but everyone behind my back wanted me to study hard and choose the right path in all the educational institutions I entered. All the kind and worthy people who were my guide expected me not to only be a good student but they wanted me to excel in all the fields of studies. I tried my best 115

to show them my abilities and talents in order to utilize and achieve my study and other goals. In order to attend to my expected study and other goals I had to develop a thirst for multi skilling and thus reading extensively, listening to valuable speeches of national, religious and community leaders became my prime aim. In order to meet my educational, social, economic and administrative goals, I had to rigorously comply with research projects, reading requirements, various assignments and almost everything I needed to achieve good grades in schools, colleges and universities. For these reasons and many others, I had to study intensely day and night. When I had school exams, I devoted my time and effort to cover every subject that needed to be studied. Thus I was able to spend a lot of my time at home as well as at school or even while travelling to and from my various educational institutions. I even carried my reading materials during the time I spent helping my parents on their farm. All these were to make sure that I got good scores when the results come out. Those became my expectations as well as of all those people who were behind me as my guide. Life itself became my greatest 116

examination and I was destined to pass all those tests with reasonable success. With my hard work and effort in studying, I graduated from schools, colleges and universities. Then I began the big battle to establish my career when I was sent to serve the community as a teacher. This was a stable profession and I loved every moments of it as per my expectations. In fact I was glad that I managed to enter the professional field that both my grandparents and parents had planned for me. In fulfilling my expectations I complied with their wishes as well. Let me now look at my expectations for my professional life. Money was never my objective to be a proficient teacher but it kept coming to me with added promotions and accelerations of earnings. I had expected to be an effective and efficient teacher and began improving my professional competencies whilst I was employed. Long and hard hours of teaching in the day with added community involvement and then further studies at night from Universities earned me a lot more prestige and promotions than I had expected. I was granted a few in-service awards by my employers to make be better qualified to serve the nation.

117

Consequently, the authorities saw fit to plant me and my enhanced skills to the Curriculum Development Unit of the Fiji Education Department where I was to develop, implement, advice and evaluate the teaching and learning aspects of English Language for schools. In a decade of my involvement there I was able to put in a lot more than what was expected of me so I was sent to advice teachers and students of the Western Division of Fiji. Whilst working there I participated in a variety of community and social organizations. My extra curricular talents were amply recognized by the commercial and industrial sector and I was offered a lucrative position as Director of Human Resources of a large multinational corporation. They enabled me to do further studies in my expected field to complete my doctorate. Now is the appropriate and suitable time and space for me to narrate my expectations and subsequent achievements for my family life. Expectations about My Family Life became the power of my expectations. I have always felt that nobody would ever be able to rise above the normal life if they live with low expectations. As seen from my above presentation that my success in most fields of endeavour depended on my inbuilt ability to visualise success. 118

It is now clear that the development of my selfefficacy was strongly influenced by the attitudes and beliefs of others. In schools, high achievement tended to be correlated with high parental and cultural expectations. Parents and my other mentors, in particular, were my powerful inculcators of values and aspirations. Highly influential teachers also were the individuals who communicated a â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;beliefâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; in me to build my self-confidence through high expectations. However, just as some students live up to high expectations, so others live down to the low expectations held for them. In education, low expectations are the equivalent of bone pointing; all too often they become selfdefeating prophecies. At least I was fortunate to have people around me who were able to inculcate high expectations within me, inspire me and motivate me appropriately. I had always expected that a family unit was the basic component of togetherness. In my eyes, a family was to love, care, and support each other endlessly. I had expected to hear and enjoy all kinds of excitement in my family and sense urgency in people as they rushed by to reach their respective gates in time. I had expected to notice the clash of cultures with different styles of clothing, food and drink intakes. Full freedom and democratic 119

principles were being practised to fulfil the expectations. I expected that love would play a very vital role in my family and I am proud that I can define my family using this aspect in more ways than one. Family love was the strongest type because it always was unconditional. This unconditional love meant that no matter what happened my family would still love me. They have shown this intense love for me for many years now. And after all the things I have done wrong or done badly, my family still showed this unconditional love to me and to each other. The second part that I had expected in my family was respect and trust. Trust is something that can take years to build but can be broken very easily. By breaking trust with a family member one is also breaking respect of the family. The two ideas I knew went hand in hand. My parents respected me enough to tell me that I was the eldest and the role model. This respect that my parents gave me, in turn gave me their trust. And I gave them the respect and trust that was given to me. As per my expectations I was accorded the same trust and respect by my family throughout my life.

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I also knew and expected that without appropriate sacrifices a family can not exist and function well. The sacrifices that my family members made for each other showed the willingness to be an unselfish part of my family. Sacrifices also displayed the love, respect and trust. Now when I look back to all these expressions of family life and living I feel elated that together we were able to develop a relationship that is worth discussing in the community for others to emulate if they wished. My expectations were my vision for me but reality came when it happened for me. What I saw was an illusion, what we did as a family became a reality. All that comes back to me now is worth giving a thought to and what I feel now is there for me to feel proud about because all those dealings, feelings and relationships were my expectations. We did what we said and we said what we did. So basically what I expected from my people or others was far better and superior to the reactions I had envisaged or thought about. My expectations were definitely very high, but the output that I got was often a lot more than I had expected. That was the beauty of this family unit called the Prasad Family.

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I had thought that reality was mostly cruel and harsh whereas, an expectation was a world of dreams. It felt like being on the other side of the mirror where everything seems so pretty and perfect but the fact is that it could all be a fake. I always expected to see something nice and new to pop up while interacting with my family and my family members never let me down. I had witnessed that reality usually packed with all its ugliness attacked many families with its over powering strength and hit them hard enough to sweep them off their feet but my family lived up to my expectations. Then again, it is not always as bad as it may sound. If you are really lucky your expectations may turn into a living reality and at times hard work also pays off. It was all a matter of fate and fortune for me and my family. It has been a fact that all my expectations and the resulting realities were always consistently even and conspicuously revealing. However, it also depends on what our goals are. Like if I worked fifty hours a week and at the end of every week I expected to get heavy cash but what I do get in reality always disappointed me then life would not be plain sailing.. This is where the harsh reality hits me and I am absolutely thrown off my feet and I feel like saying mean things to my manager 122

but I cannot because if I did I get fired and I cannot afford that either. So one learns to live up with reality no matter what it takes. Coming to my responsibility towards myself, I always had some expectations from life. I always dreamt of achieving something big in my life. So my responsibility towards myself was not to let myself down with the expectations I had from life because I knew that often high expectations led people to disappointments if they could not be achieved. I knew that I may not be able to achieve everything in my life, I had expected so I did not want myself to be disappointed at that time but instead I wanted myself to be proud of what I would have achieved in my life at that time. Different family structures shape the way individuals view the world and determine what one values as a good family. The many different family structures that shape the way an individual views the world and what values that person puts into a good family are based on many factors. These factors include, but are not limited to family structure, culture and ethnicity. Each factor conceives a new family experience for which the individual uses to view the world.

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I believe that each different family structure shapes the individual to view the world in a certain way. Each form of family has a different effect on how an individual views the world. From my experience, the best and soundest form of family structure is the one that we had achieved. This structure provided us a firm foundation for the kids to grow up in sound ways. Here the father figure was to influence the male children, discipline the kids and protect the females in the family and a mother figure was to nurture and to teach the kids values and morals that they could not get anywhere else other than from their mother. We as parents faced less financial burden because both of us had good income. We used all our savings to educate our four children the best way we could resulting in the dividend that all our children were given firm foundation to establish their own respective family lives. That was the most ideal way we as parents could behave in our family structure but we knew full well that in this world that is not always the case. We gave the best to our children and we got back the best results. Today all our children are the stars of the Prasad Family. Maybe the father was cruel, unfaithful and an egotistical male who believed he was the superior authority over women and children 124

but he knew that he was not sparing the rod to spoil the children or the family. As parents we loved our family life and that was one of the prime reasons why our children did well all round. On the hind side I know that I could not have done any better to meet all my expectations to establish my ideal family The existence of society and on a broader scale the sustenance of humankind does not make it essential for social structures or relationships to exist forever. Change is an important and permanent aspect of life. But it can be said that the human species has evolved with having some kind of family unit that framed the building block of the society. Thus, the family life is not inherent to our species, it is none of the patterns of human behaviour but a product of millions of human experience gathered through a co-operative existence. Of course, there are anomalies and alienations in this respect. Humans while living in this society understand universally that if peace and stability is desired in society and human race, it is vital to have families and survive for generations. However when situations and circumstances change and do not suit the members of the family then deviations do occur automatically. Tact is needed for unity. 125

Families make up the code of conduct of a society and so if a family weakens, the society becomes disordered and disunited. In brief, for a society to grow and flourish in a peaceful and stable manner, the institution of family is important. My wife passed away after a long illness despite my being her carer to bring comfort and ease of family life to her. I was distraught, lonely, saddened and full of pain of loosing my love one. After four and a half years of torture and hard lonely life I realized that my wife was not going to return and I needed a partner to interact, care and look after me in my personal needs that none of my children or their respective families would be able to adequately provide because of their own personal commitments. So after consulting with my only brother and my children I decided to develop a needed relationship with a person I had known for a while. Thus Ganga came into my life. Let us define a family before taking the discussion of family life further. A family is a group of people related by blood or marriage that make up a household. Thus a couple that lives together with or without its children makes up a family. More than two or three generations of people may dwell in the same place to make a family. 126

My family had lived in harmony for half a century but when I decided to confirm my relationship with matrimonial ceremony with Ganga my chosen person who vowed to love, care and company me for the rest of my life I could feel a turn around in love and respect for me by my children. This had never been my expectation but I had to endure and go ahead with my plans with the support and cooperation of my youngest child, my friends and most importantly relatives of my departed wife. I had expected that my family was where we all belonged to and from where our identity came from. I had valued myself and my future based on my family and the upbringing that went in to establish that family. I firmly believed that we all belonged to a family and it was our family that kept us together through thick and thin. Without having a family, no person is complete and the completeness comes with good family bonding. As soon as we completed our marriage we felt isolated and three of my four children felt I was no longer part of that family structure that we so lovingly cherished and adored. Weeks and months went by but none of my three children would even enquire about my deteriorating health and well being leave along my living alone and being alive or dead. 127

Now my wife and I live a happy life that is loving and comfortable for both of us. She loves me and attends to all my needs with tender loving care and I reciprocate. My family is now a much smaller social unit and a lot of long established love, trust and respect have dwindled into thin air all because of either some misunderstanding or greed of some kind that is unknown to me. Is this the family I was expecting to have when I needed their support, cooperation, love and care? I now feel somewhat disappointed and distraught that I ever expected to have a family. Family is a bond, a long lasting relationship that holds a bond with each other. It all forms when man and women become one and from there a family is born. There are many values that one has to learn to get the family bonding in the right manner. Bonding does not happen overnight. It forms with every second, every minute that we spend with our loved ones as I tried to do for over half a century. I feel that the understanding, the acceptance, the belonging and the security all enclosed together is how a family bond is formed. But I see that I now have to redefine my family structure and values. A close family bond is like a safe harbour, where we feel secure and where we trust that we have someone always there to whom we 128

could turn to when we need them the most. This bonding helps to build a trust and hope that, no matter what, we have people to be with us in our toughest times. More so when I have now reached the most difficult period of my life with my various chronic illnesses, old age hardships and other financially limited resources I am left to be on my own. It is through a family that we learn the values of love, trust, hope, belief, cultures, morals, traditions and all other little matters that are of concern to us. A strong foundation for any individual comes from being with a supportive family which I no longer have and enjoy. I knew that being part of a blessed family is one among the greatest gifts that we get in life. In fact the first gift that we get from God is the establishment of a loving family and this was what I was proud to have. Then there is another valuable gift to have parents, who support us, teach us values in life, and gives us a strong foundation in character, teach us the importance of love and being loved, trust to be there for one another and many other morals that could be obtained only from a family. Then there is yet another greater gift not only with lovable parents, but siblings who care and love the parents beyond themselves. I fully understand that we cannot buy or demand all these things from our children 129

and/ or any other family members in life even if we know and feel their importance. We have had a strong family base and that was the reason our family never entered into any problems or troubles. I expected that a child, who did not feel loved or cared, would always turn to ways where he or she would find them and it may at times lead him or her in the wrong path. We did not let this happen to any of our children because we cared for them, guided and supported them always. We knew that the absence of a strong family bond was like a vacuum and I feel that there is nothing that can fill that emptiness. Therefore, as my conclusion I want to reinstate the obvious fact that the power of our expectations in life has to be recognized and achieved with determination at every step of our life by everyone who is willing to participate without shame, fear and reservation. To be part of a happy family, one should always thank God for the blessing we have in lives, as having a family who cares and loves us is the greatest blessing that any person could get in life. When we see broken families for reasons of their own, we should always remind ourselves, how lucky we are to be part and partial of a family that has been and will be with us all through our lives. 130

There are a few regrets that I may have left within me but because I have been able to adequately resolve all my expectations in life I am now leading a fruitful, rewarding, comfortable and pleasant life with my wife Ganga who has showered her unconditional and instinctual love and care willingly and beyond my expectations. I am sincerely hoping that my children and their respective families flourish and rejoice as I had expected them to do in life. So my life from eight years to eighty should give me enough patience, control and comfort to continue to live with my firm expectations and hope for the best for everyone around me. All those who decide to opt out of our life we only have regrets for them but also have hope that सु बह का भूला अगर शाम को घर लौट आए तो उसे भूला नह ीं कहते | Subah ka Bhola agar sham ko ghar laut aaye to use bhoola nahin kahte. Or better late than never.

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Chapter Fourteen

HAPPINESS IN MY LIFE I

always wanted to lead a happy life and I knew that there are only some people who spend a totally happy living. In the beginning I used to believe that wealth gave us happiness. Consequently, I spent most of my life time and energy in acquiring enough wealth but I soon realized that wealth alone does not give happiness. It provides man the basic amenities and material comforts of life and to get the emotional and spiritual satisfaction one I had to search elsewhere. I then began to seek power to gain happiness and adopted different means to attain power. I worked hard at various educational institutions to gain a variety of knowledge because I was told that knowledge is power. My acquired knowledge gave me a good job in my chosen field and I kept getting promotions at work place. However, happiness did not come to me in the way I had envisaged it. There was a time in my life that I seek power in the political sphere. I was offered a safe seat to become a member of the parliament of my 132

country. On second thoughts I declined this offer and continued to serve the community. I regarded politicians as dishonest individuals promising the world of good and doing very little to fulfil the promises once they are elected to the position. I never wanted to be a dictator or try to establish my superiority over others. I knew that even such powers would not give me the required happiness. With power one can force others to do certain things but there is a world of difference between the action forced and spontaneous action. During my early work days I saw that many people were striving for happiness in sex, fashion, drinks and drugs. They wished to escape from the problem-ridden world into a world of dreams. They tried to derive pleasure from these areas. I went into those areas but soon realized that these were temporary pleasures. These things may help people to forget their worries for a limited period of time but not forever. I found out that most of them were harmful rather than advantageous. Then I began doing my own research and discovered that there was a difference between happiness and what we describe as joy and pleasure. On a warm day I knew that a glass of cold lemon juice gave me pleasure because it was a momentary joy. On the other hand 133

happiness I wanted to experience in my mind needed to be infinitely more powerful and selfsatisfying. I was one of the few people who tried to discover the secret of true happiness. It was love that made me happy. It was love between the children and parents, wife and husband, brother and sister, lover and his beloved, the teacher and the student and the master and the servant. It was the love between neighbours and between friends. It was love between man and God. I knew that love was the storehouse of happiness. I began practising love without any selfish motive. The more I was able to make other people happy by loving them the more I felt the true happiness crawl to me. My scriptures told me that hatred created enmity. It would rob my peace and comfort of my mind. Therefore I realized that a person who did not have the needed peace of mind and comfort cannot be happy. I did not let any form of hatred develop any physical or mental violence within me. Spreading love and serving the community as best as I could enable me to gradually master the art of happiness. I began to keep myself away from people who committed crimes and individuals who told, practised and spread lies. I even did my best to help such people manage their behaviour to 134

better their words, character and hearts.

actions,

thoughts,

I knew that hatred brought unhappiness in our lives so I tried to learn to forgive my opponents who played dirty. Even my experiences and readings made me believe that jealousy and prolonged anger were agents of doom and death. So, I decided to follow the path of love to achieve happiness in my life. I had to modify a lot of my behaviour and way of life to be able to do this but I was determined to proceed without any hesitation whatsoever. Gradually love filled my family life with noble feelings of compassion, sympathy, sacrifice, understanding, welfare and service. I had seen that a motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s love for her children was something very divine. My grandmother, my mother and my childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mother were forever ready to suffer any hardship for the happiness of their children. I felt that the love between a child and a mother was the purest form of love. Love of a mother was so deep and eternal that she could easily understand even those things which her children did not even speak about or revealed to her. The three important mothers made me change my disposition and inculcated a deep sense of love for my children, my people and my work. 135

I came to know that love between neighbours brought peace in the neighbourhood and I began actively participating in the scheme known as the neighbourhood watch scheme. I saw that the people willingly came forward to help one another. They shared one anotherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s joys and sorrows. They could never think of causing harm to one another. Love between neighbours strengthened the feeling of fellowship. I also found that the people of such a neighbourhood were able to lead and enjoy a happy life. Wherever my family lived we found neighbours who loved and respected one another to have a get-together on various festive and other social occasions. They jointly celebrated festivals and enjoyed the company of each other. It goes without saying and emphasising that my love between friends strengthened my bond of friendship. As friends we could never think of betraying one another. Our friendship was based on love and it was never affected by selfish motives. Each one of my friends was ever ready to make a sacrifice for me and my family and we reciprocated. We soon found out that even differences of opinions did not hamper the strong bonds of friendship. We often agreed to disagree and went on with our lives. We enjoyed each and every moment of our living with our friends. We forget all 136

worries and hardship of life when we were with each other. Love between friends, thus generated happiness in my life. It was through the readings of various scriptures that I found out that there have been Saints who widened the horizons of their love. They practiced universal love. They loved the whole mankind and even animals and birds. They all worked for the welfare and happiness of all. Mother Teresa filled many hearts with happiness by her dedicated service to the poor and the needy. If I was able to do a bit of what they showed and did then I felt elated and happy. During my life time I was greatly disturbed with the deteriorating relationships between parents and children, between wives and husbands and I became totally convinced that there would be no quarrels or divorces between married couples and worsening relationships between parents and the children if love was adopted as the guiding principle in their respective lives. I longed to see that there was no friction between parents and children and no bitterness between friends and more importantly there would be no exploitation of man by man only if all of us followed the path of love.

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The sooner we came to realize that this lack of love is responsible for making our family and social lives bitter the better it would be for our mutual happiness. Let us spread and develop the deeper feelings of love among us to eliminate all sense of insecurity in our lives because I have come to feel that lack of love leads to crime, aggression and unhappiness. I strongly feel that love alone can lessen many ills of the society. Love is the basic of a happy human life. If all the people and all the nations of the world follow this principle, there would be no world wars, massacres, ill feelings, terrorism or the widespread destruction. I am confident that love can unite the people of the world into a common brotherhood. I have experienced many miracles of love in my life and felt that I should share my ideas with everyone. After I had lost my previous love life I felt that I was living an unhappy life, but it is nothing when compared with the life when you are in love again. One day when I was spending my good time with my only brother in Boise in Idaho in USA I realized that my life was coming out of that black and white imagery and only love was embellishing it with striking colours. What was more, from that day onward every new day brought new colours, surprising me by their multiformity. I felt like I 138

had found myself in a new world, the world just of two persons, where we will live eternally. In this world I could never have imagined myself apart from her, because we are like only two pieces of the puzzle, which finally met, fit together perfectly, and will never separate. It is a very exciting feeling for me to see life ahead and now every moment we merge to a single whole. We even have the same thoughts and desires, as I just can think about something and she would happily do the same, without any words. We feel for each other and sometimes we do not need words to express our thoughts, as our eyes can tell everything. Moreover, it is impossible to describe such miraculous feelings in words. This is the reason I have expressed my thought in the essay that total happiness is only possible when we discover the deeper sense of love. We can not entirely enjoy each other and we delight this, as every new day brings us a new ocean of incredible emotions, where we bathe and flounder about like little kids, for whom the best amusement is just to be together. Love and live whatever you have.

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What about our dreams? It is like the most cherished of them has come true and this is the most important thing in my life. Fate gave me the most precious feeling, which can only exist, and I cannot imagine what more can I dream about. All material value that I longed for has now lost its worth for me because my life and my world are filled only with incorporeal values. Rejuvenated love has made all these possible. This is how I have found happiness in my life. Seek and ye shall find it too. Ganga and I are together and hope to enjoy life so that we feel even better and more comfortable each day we spend happily together. We have culled out our own interpretation of happiness in marriage.

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HAPPINESS IN MARRIAGE Happiness in any marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created and treasured. All little things become the big things in the art of marriage. We are never too old to hold hands and remember to say, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I Love Youâ&#x20AC;? as many times as possible in a day. Go to sleep by wishing Good Night and Sweet Dreams to each other and never retire to bed in anger or with a hungry stomach. At no time take each other for granted. Remember not to end the courtship after the honeymoon but it should continue through all the years ever after. It pays to have a mutual sense of values and common objectives. Always stand together to face the world in good or bad times. Always form a strong circle of love and affection that gathers and binds the whole family together. Be prepared to do things for each other in the attitude of duty, responsibility and sacrifice but always in the spirit of joy. Happiness in marriage is always speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is treating each other as equals and it is not looking for perfection in each other because we all have our short-comings that can be adjusted for a variety of situations and circumstances. It is 141

creating and cultivating flexibility, patience, empathy and proper mutual understanding in each other at all times while maintaining the sense of humour. It is having the full capacity to always forgive and forget. Happiness in marriage is giving each other that amicable atmosphere in which each has the freedom to think, act, say and grow wisely and healthily. It is finding room for spiritual, material and intellectual development of each other at all times. It is to be in top gear to develop a common search for truth, beauty and goodness for enjoying smoother family life. It is establishing a cordial relationship, in which independence is always regarded as equal, dependence is mutual and all obligations are reciprocal. Happiness in marriage is not only marrying the right partner but it is being and remaining the right partner always. We hope to do just that.

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Chapter Fifteen

OUR WISDOM IS OUR HIDDEN TREASURY OF LIFE If Socrates said that â&#x20AC;&#x153;I cannot teach anybody

anything. I can only make them thinkâ&#x20AC;?, I believe that quality teaching is congruent to good thinking which in turn can make anyone healthy, wealthy and wise. So here is something for my readers to think. But I see that ignorant people raise questions today that wise people have answered a thousand years ago. For me all our wisdom is the distilled knowledge that gets created with our immense experiences, talents, readings and insight. I do not think that wisdom has ever been the prerogative or the personal domain of the educated people alone. Our grandparents, parents and our ancestors left behind great treasure chests of wisdom in the form of a variety of scriptures, folklore, myths, legends, stories, sayings and proverbs. Their wise words have been guiding us continuously through the meandering and colourful paths of life, lighting up the dark corridors and 143

hidden treasures as well as enlightening, motivating and inspiring us. If we are in the desert on a hot day and long for water so is wisdom for mankind to every soul. Wisdom is not only our knowledge or our quick thinking and wit but it is our acumen and talent or skill that we develop through regular interactions with our environment, suitable books, educated people and our ancestors that present us with the needed experiences, required learning and deeper insight. Our wisdom culminates from our deep understanding of ourselves, our conduct, our people and our environment. It gets richer and refined from and with our social, cultural, economic and academic involvements combined with our research, discovery and exploration. All our early civilizations developed their insight by observing the forces of nature. They devised ways and means to manage life, measure time and control things that affected them. The greater the involvement the greater became our wisdom. Wisdom is integral to everyday life. We all know that there is merit in the saying, "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a person healthy, wealthy and wise." This for me is wisdom distilled in a few words. Then we all have heard the famous maxim somewhere and sometime in our life, "A family 144

that eats together stays together." These words are simple, but they contain a wealth of wisdom. Our people have been gaining a lot of such knowledge from these kinds of wise words from time immemorial and would keep getting richer in their wisdom. Wise people gradually attain greatness through their deeper sense of responsibility and duty and are proud to make their yesterday that become their todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s memory and thus are able to establish their tomorrow as their todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s dream. Thus they are able to do what they can with what they have wherever they are. They are not afraid to fail or lose or lament because they do not forget the lessons they have gathered in the process of developing their wisdom. So a little knowledge that makes them act well in life becomes infinitely worthy as they attain more experience and wisdom. Therefore people are right when they say that years of experience teach us a lot more than the books and schools. So let us learn to hold tight and develop all that is known as wisdom. The art and science of being wise is the skill of knowing what to overlook and what to accept. If we through our wisdom learn to do the right then naturally this would gratify many people while it may astonish the rest. So we must decide who we must be and then try our best 145

to do what we must do. As Buddha said â&#x20AC;&#x153;what you are is what you have been and what you will be is what you do nowâ&#x20AC;?. So let us try to be healthy, wealthy and wise because I feel that to be good and beautiful means to be ourselves for we do not need to be accepted by others but need to accept ourselves as we are. Many of us have emerged with a few scars and a lot of wisdom even a lot stronger beings and greater souls out of our sufferings, discoveries and explorations. This search for knowledge is logical and would take us from our current position to a lot greater heights in our living. Once we acquire the wisdom our imagination would easily take us everywhere we are determined to go. I know and have experienced that self-development is a lot higher duty and responsibility than our selfsacrifice. The final destination would make us better informed and wiser in a lot of respects. We have to equip our younger generation with a lot more enthusiasm, initiative and motivation so that they become wise enough to do better in life in this increasingly competitive world. Thus we would be able to create and maintain many stable communities where new learning would take place easily and there would be less sadness, sorrow and loneliness. They may not be all cured but we would see healthy recovery for good living. Our new 146

people would then not be timid and squeamish about taking any actions. They would wisely believe in reactions, proactive stance and more experiments. We must instil and reinstall faith in our younger people because I believe that faith is a very powerful knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of any proof. As our ignorance creates darkness in our hearts and minds so wisdom illuminates our life. We all know that when our knowledge speaks, wisdom has no choice but to listen. We have no alternative but to mould our future with the creation of wisdom in everyone around us. Lack of wisdom is not ignorance but a person who is ignorant may not be able to get to peak performance. Ignorance gradually becomes poisonous that slowly kills many good human feelings like love and friendship. As our ignorance increases it becomes the power of the wise. Do not take me wrong because illiteracy does not mean ignorance for me because I have seen many illiterate people display various aspects of wisdom. What I am trying to say is that when we do not engage ourselves in any form of ignorance we are displaying ideals of wisdom. I have tried my best not to accept the ignorant people trying to feed me with their kind of 147

negativity into my life and all those who do this are wise people. It is often said and believed that while knowledge makes people humble and wise, arrogance, anger and hate make people feed themselves with ignorance. The real trouble with such ignorant people is not that they are ignorant but that they know so much that is not true and logical. Thus all the ignorance keeps such people move away from patience, faith and beliefs that they should have. I too believe that the ultimate ignorance is the blatant rejection of all the things one knows nothing about and yet one refuses to find out, investigate and discover. My suggestion is not to let anyoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ignorance, hate and negativity stop us from being the proper human being we can and want to be. I for one am an agnostic and I do not pretend to know what many ignorant people say they are quite certain about. I have observed that many relationships die a natural death and are murdered by the poor attitude, irresponsible behaviour, ego or ignorance of people. So I would rather sit in silence for days than let my hurtful words echo on someoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s heart forever. I have never defined myself by how many roadblocks came into my path but I defined myself by the courage I managed to find to 148

forge ahead and develop new roads. Of course, I have not defined myself by how many failures, disappointments and hardships I have faced in life but I defined myself by the successes, endeavours, forgiveness and faith I managed to find to start again. Then I have never defined myself by how long or short my relationships have lasted but I defined myself by how much compassion, love and care I have been able and willing to give to the people in my circle. I have never defined myself by the number of times I was knocked down but by the number of times I was successful in my struggles to get back on my feet. I have some pain and I have my past but I have come out of all that to live my present and develop my future. This is my understanding of wisdom. Life has treated me well and this is because I had the blessings and good wishes of God and my faithful friends. I found many of my friends who said a lot of good things behind my back but they had the courage of their conviction to state the bad things about me to my face. That was the wisdom of my friends. In my wisdom I have detected that a beautiful heart can always bring a variety of things into your life that all the money in the world cannot ever obtain. Not only that but the greatest thing I ever learnt in life was just to love and be loved 149

in return. If I ever wanted something that I have never had then I made it sure that I performed unique tasks and did things that I had never done before. This was the wisdom that my ancestors had inculcated into me. From my childhood I was educated that God does not give us the people we want but he gives us the people we need to help you, to care for you, to love you and to make you the person you were meant to be. I lost my wife but sooner than later I realized that she was not going to come back and I needed company during my declining age. I met someone so kind and considerate that my wisdom told me not to wait any longer to develop that relationship that was so vital for my life. In my wisdom I proposed and she agreed even against some odds to marry me and I am fortunate for this decision. We have had this loving relationship for sometime now and find that love is being patient. It is simply inevitable that two people living in such close proximity at times will find that their conduct may irritate each other a bit but deeper love, patience and care for each other overcome all odds. Now the love inside our married life is as consistent as we both are to make the rest of our life more meaningful and comfortable. That is wisdom for me and for my spouse. 150

We both have decided not to be defined by our past but make our past the best tutor of our present in order to prepare us for new and enchanting experience. We have pledged to forget all of our disappointments or any of our past errors and mistakes so that nothing would stop us from moving forward. We both know that it is never too late for a new beginning. Our own thinking and our own initiatives have given us to move in this wise direction. We do not want to be like the people who create their own storms and then get upset when it starts raining. We have come to believe that no matter how bad or sad or messed up our past was but the God that we have full faith in has promised a much brighter and comfortable future for us. We now have set a definite goal that is making us jump out of our bed every morning with hope, confidence and faith in our future life, short may it be. We have agreed not to accept any other personâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s definition of our life because it is our life and we have defined it with love to be truthful, good and beautiful in all respect. If It Is To Be It Is Up To Us. Nobody knows about us any better than we do. We want to flourish with this wisdom for the rest of our life. We now have come to know a lot of things about our life because our life is the result of 151

the good choices we have been able to make. We have therefore agreed that if we do not like any aspect of our life and living we would start making new and better choices. Not only this, but if anything that is important for us we will find a way to keep it going, if not then we will revise our thinking. We know it well that we are not going to master the rest of our life in one or two days but we have learnt to relax and mater one day at a time and then just keep doing that every day. We believe in our own kind of wisdom that any relationship like ours needs to be built on trust otherwise it would not move anywhere. Therefore, the first step for us to get settled in our life has been to decide that we are not going to stay where we are but move on regardless. My experience is that sometimes when things are falling apart they are actually falling into place. Both of us were broken in our life somehow or the other. However, I know that until we are broken we hardly know what we are made up of. After we were shattered in our own respective ways it gave us the ability to reconstruct ourselves all over again much stronger than ever before. We realized that the struggle we were going through in our life was certainly developing the strength we both needed for our tomorrow. Our wisdom told us that there was a lot to be learnt from everywhere and everyone around us. 152

Both of us had seen better days but we had also seen the worse situations in our life. We did not have everything that we wanted but we did manage to get what we needed. Like the rest of us we too woke up in the morning with a few aches and pains but we made certain that we did wake up to appreciate the bright mornings and the rewarding days. Our life was not perfect but we thanked God that we were blessed in a lot of ways. We knew that if we had learnt to kneel before God therefore we could stand before anyone anytime. In our wisdom we managed to live and let others live as well. Whenever we felt that our life was getting sweeter and more rewarding, we never forgot to appreciate this and say thank you to the Lord Almighty whereas when our life was becoming bitter we learnt to grow up and develop our courage and stamina to improve our situation and circumstances. Upon improvement we celebrated and kept our prayers going. We were proud of our life but we never had any false pride. We remained humble in all our dealings and relationships. Whenever we had time we spared it to walk outside to stand there in silence and looked up at the sky to accept and contemplate how amazing our life was. Whenever possible we surrounded ourselves with people who knew 153

and appreciated our worth because we never thought that we needed many people to be happy. In our wisdom we knew that we just needed a few real ones who appreciated us for exactly who we were. I pray for world peace. My prayers are simple and straight-forward. I do not pray for Almighty God to take my problems away but I pray for God to grant me the strength to go through them. I never ask God to do certain things for me and then I will pray because I regard that as putting ransom in front of God. My prayer is: Dear Lord, I do not ask You to make my life easier but I ask You to give me the strength to face all my problems and my troubles with courage and peaceful stance. Lord God, You have been my greatest strength. Keep holding my hand, enlightening my heart and mind. Keep holding me tight in Your embrace so that I can be stronger than all the challenges in my life. Finally my ancestors, my teachers and some of my wise friends had told me to conduct my daily affairs in a specific way so I do the following before I do anything all because these provide me with the needed peace and comfort in my life and living:

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BEFORE I ACT, I TRY TO LISTEN CAREFULLY BEFORE I REACT, I TRY TO THINK WELL BEFORE I CRITICIZE, I COUNT UP TO TEN BEFORE I SPEND, I SEE THAT I EARN ENOUGH BEFORE I PRAY, I ASK FOR FORGIVENESS BEFORE I QUIT, I ALWAYS TRY AGAIN BEFORE I SPEAK, I ASSESS MY AUDIENCE. Life as we experienced it is like a book. It has many chapters, episodes and themes. Some are very exciting; some depict sadness and sorrow while many reveal joy but if we forget to turn the pages we will not be able to know what the next one has in store for us. It is by continuous research, discovery and experimentation that we are able to attain wisdom. By getting yourself stuck on one page would lead us to ignorance. Of course, in our wisdom we found that life is also like a camera. If we are able to focus on what is wise and important we would be able to capture good pictures, scenes and times to develop our own imagination of wisdom. However, if things do not work out for us, we have the opportunity to take another shot and improve our experiences. I wish that my presentation has given the readers the needed hope to choose between what is wise and what ignorance is. I know 155

that hope is never born on mountain tops but in the valleys when people are looking to the heights and peaks of their life that they have yet to climb. Once these summits are reached successfully we have attained wisdom. To be stuck in the valley would bring only more ignorance. Often when one door of enlightenment and insight closes we should look for another one that we can open with our given skills and talents but we tend to give up because we have been looking at the closed door for so long that we are unable to see that wider door that has been opened for us. We fail to find wisdom and keep proceeding towards ignorance. Therefore all wise people continuously train their minds to see the truth, beauty and goodness in every situation and stop planting pretty flowers in the yards of those people who are not going to look after them, care for them and water them. Too often we tend to underestimate the power of knowledge or the act of experimentation and observation which have the potential of turning us from being ignorant to being wiser. Perhaps this has been my reason not to waste my words on people who deserved my silence because I thought the most I could do was to 156

say nothing at all and let them dwell in their corner of the ignorant world. However, as a teacher I found other ways to inspire them to move towards wisdom. I wrote a variety of books such as Motivating the Unmotivated because to give up was to let ignorance prevail. I was in competition with no one at all and had no desire to play the game of being better than anyone. I simply tried to be better than the person I was yesterday in inspiring people to leave the path of ignorance and get on to the bullet train of wisdom. For all those enterprising people reading my essay I can sum up everything I have learned about life in three little words- Life Goes On â&#x20AC;&#x201C;for everyone whether they are wise, ignorant or in between. I have learned the hard way that I cannot always count on others to respect my feelings and do as I do and say as I say. I only have control over my thoughts and ideas. As for others they can either choose to accept these or just walk away from them. Let me finish this presentation with an important thought for the consideration of my readers during their free time. Wise people only speak because they have something worthwhile to say but the ignorant people speak because they just have to say something. 157

Chapter Sixteen

PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE “He that can have patience can have what he will”. Benjamin Franklin

Having

successfully taught so many students of different moods, dispositions and sentiments at various levels, in various cultures and countries I have culled out my own definition of patience. Patience for me is even more of a passive virtue than courage. The proverb ‘haste makes waste’ can give us a deeper understanding of the word because in my opinion a hasty person can never find out the truth about things. They are only able to look at the surface and are easily carried away by the first impression or the appearance of things. When hasty persons make mistakes, they naturally feel for it afterwards but they cannot undo the consequences of their hasty decision. But my question to my readers is, “Is patience really necessary in today’s complex and confusing 158

world full of many different societies?â&#x20AC;? I will try to find answers to this question in this presentation. Basically patience for me is waiting with difficulties. It is a process of developing enough confidence in ourselves, with a good feeling of hope. It takes place during some difficult times and circumstances. There are a few vital but calming phrases and sentences that help us find out more about patience. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It is going to be OK. Everything will be alright. I know that it will get better soon.â&#x20AC;? These and other similar words and prayers will help us to be patient in life. They will hopefully convince us with soothing and assuring remarks where we can wait for the results with better ease and understanding. Having said all that let me say that patience is very difficult at times and that is the reason why we say that patience is a virtue. Unfortunately it is a human conduct that we do not have a lot but hope to possess enough of it at all times. I have found out that it is a difficult behaviour for people who are fit and capable but often we witness that incapable people or people with disabilities or people who are confined to wheelchair tend to be more patient than those 159

who are fit and able. A fully capable person who is hungry and poor is more likely to steal rather than going to find a job to earn to get what they want instead of being patient and pray that things would change for the better. I have seen that incapability of doing things on our own teaches or compels us to be patient. Wise people around the world and from all cultures have said a mouthful about patience. -Patience is a virtue. -Good things come to those who wait. -Patience is the key to success. -Those who are patient get the best of what they deserve. -If you try to learn to be patient, the world opens up to you. -Be patient and you will certainly be rewarded. Whenever I acted hastily as a child my grandfather asked me to count in reverse from ten to zero before starting to do, say or write anything. He said patience did magic with everything whether it was in loosing weight, quitting smoking, raising children or in any unexpected difficult circumstance. Since then I always remembered to keep in my mind that patience would work wonders if I gave it the time it needed. Time is the essence and is a big factor in being patient therefore I have learnt 160

to amuse yourself while waiting by either going for a walk in the park, visit a friend, read a book or even pray to wait to do the things I needed to do. Thus while I learnt to occupy my mind with things that I liked to do and that made me happy, they all assisted me with the development of patience. So acquisition of patience is allowing time to run its course and allowing people, including ourselves, to work and grow at our own pace. Patience moves our minds away from frustrations, expectations or musts and aligns us with reality. When we are patient, our energy is available to make good things happen. I know that patience becomes a virtue when it is systematically cultivated and makes the world around and within us a marvellous and wonderful experience. However, I am also mindful that patience in this competitive and complex world seems to be a forgotten human quality. I have witnessed that many of us still have trouble waiting in a line or cue to buy things or get other services. Where is the virtue of patience when we cannot wait for the traffic light to change but speed up to cross it? Various dictionaries define the word patience as the human capacity to accept or tolerate delay, 161

trouble or suffering without getting angry or upset. This is an acceptable way to explain it but patience has a much deeper explanation and meaning. It is the willingness to stay in the present or the current situation and learn to live the circumstance out to the full in the belief that something special and better will manifest itself for us at the right time. In short let everything happen for a reason. My parents were simple but long term farmers and they taught me that patience was the ability to remain calm during natural adversities and calamities and wait for something to happen for the better even if it takes a day, a week or a month. They said in their farming life nothing came easily but if we had patience then a lot of things we most desired flourished for us at the right time. They further assured me that patience was the virtue that would lift us up but you have to be an optimist rather than a pessimist. There was no need to be too busy complaining about the chance that we have missed but it pays to focus on the current and present circumstances. They concluded that they never missed to take all the opportunities that knocked at their door. We remembered to be patient and wait for the right moment.

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I thank my elders for instilling and developing the ability to remain patient and that has helped me achieve better things in life. I now know and realize that patience is bitter but its fruits are sweet. One of my favourite teachers said that life was not going to be easy because all things seem difficult in the beginning before they become easy but more importantly it will all depend on the level of your patience that would determine your fate. The art and science of patience has been the most important something that brought a lot of needed changes to my life. I thank my teachers and elders who instilled this vital art and habit that has enabled me not to rush with my words, thoughts, actions and decisions. I developed the art and science of patience to measure and treasure my time to wait causing happy endings for me. Now one of the greatest lessons for me is to remember that patience can change the way I make my decisions or act in life. In recent years, the younger of us have grown up without the need for patience. We now live in a hyper connected world where when and while we can process data, download a song, search a vast database for virtually unlimited information, send a message, or even order pizza, all with the click of a button but we constantly have thirst for 163

better, faster, and easier technology to help us keep up with our lives. All these technological innovations have had a drastic effect on patience in our society as a whole though. Perhaps our endless thirst for instant gratification has constantly fuelled the improving of technologies over the years but they are causing our patience and attention span to diminish. I came to realize that if I wanted to lead a better and higher life and living I needed to cultivate a lot more of my art and science of patience. I knew that I needed to possess an open mind and be slow to arrive at my conclusions. I realized that as a patient man I resolutely had to decline to be guided by what was immediately near at hand. In thought I had to learn to decline to form my judgements from the external appearance of things. In my actions I had to decline to be led away by the pains and pleasures of the moment. Therefore, when joys came to me, I was not elated and when sorrows befell me I did not lose heart. So these became just the two marked characteristics of a simple man like me. I read an old proverb that said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;The patient man will rule the world.â&#x20AC;? I found it to be perfectly true for me. I was told that at any rate, no impatient person ever achieved anything great in life. So when I took things patiently and I looked at difficulties calmly in the face, then more than 164

half the power to overwhelm me was gone. I then discovered that patience was the greatest ally of my courage. I found out that he that possesses these two virtues need never despair of any success. In this fast paced, competitive and complex world, where things happen with click of a button, we are growing inpatient every moment. Gone are the days when people were patient enough to wait for days for things to happen or the computer to produce the results. Today we expect things to happen at speed of thought and even the NBN is not able to fully satisfy our demands. We want success, money, happiness instantly without waiting. That is our impatience. This tells me as a successful person that I am unable to fully appreciate and know the virtue of patience. Even the Bhagavat Gita has recognized the importance of patience through quotes like â&#x20AC;&#x153;Little by little, through patience and repeated effort, the mind will become stilled in the Self.â&#x20AC;? If we examine our self as a part of nature we will realize that even nature creates change very slowly and is extremely patient. I read that if I adopted the pace of nature, her secret was patience and that patience can improve my life and bring it closer to perfection but that is only

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possible if we tried to understand nature and work with it patiently. I believe that nature exhibits patience in various forms. This reminds me of famous words of wisdom from Kabir Das â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Dhire dhire re mana dhire sab kuchh hoy, Maali seenche sow ghada par ritu aawe phal hoy. This when explained simply means that the growth of seeds into treeswhen we plant a seed and water it, it slowly turns into a flower and then into a fruit. The seed had to be planted, watered, and then be given time to grow into what it is meant to be. Without prior efforts and in absence of planting or watering or the nurturing the seed would not have sprung above the surface. It could not develop into its current form without all that patience, time and efforts. In order to be able to achieve success in our life or achieve any of our goals we set, we have to practice patience. Patience is different from waiting and instead we have to do the work first, lay the foundation, plant the seed, and make sure the soil is right. What more we have to prepare, get ready and then wait for all the elements to come into place before making the right decision that will drive us to greater success.

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My grandmother used to say that patience is the ornament of the brave. In relationships, patience is the mark of love and courage. Just keep trying, and we will find there s no end to our patience no end to the wisdom, love, and compassion in our heart. Finally patience is one of most important virtues as recognized by most of the important religions of the world. Patience and fortitude are prominent themes in Judaism. In the Christian religion patience is considered as a very valuable virtue that propagates people to imbibe. Increasing patience is viewed as the work of the Holy Ghost in Christianity. Patience in Islam is one of the best and most valuable virtues of life. Through patience, a Muslim believes that an individual can grow closer to Allah and thus attain true peace. In Buddhism, patience is one of the "perfections" that a bodhisattva trains in and practices to realize perfect enlightenment also known as Bodhi. Then patience is also praised in Hinduism, particularly in the Bhagavad Gita. In both Hinduism and Buddhism there is a particular emphasis on meditation which leads to patience, and an effective and well-organized thought.

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The Power of Patience from a Buddhist Perspective is the book written by Dalai Lama. In this book he has attempted to address the issue of anger. He argues that the issue of anger can be remedied through patience. It is an excellent reading to supplement my views on patience. To conclude this presentation let me state that without any doubt whatsoever, patience is one of the most important virtues to possess for every human being. Patience has always had a positive impact on individuals and hence for every group performance. If we are in haste to get results then it definitely hampers the ability of an individual to consider all the possible option for solution of a problem. It often leads to suboptimum choice and hence failure. Being patient does not means more time, but it is an emotional state wherein individual is not concerned about the quick output at cost of quality or effectiveness. Patience is the ability to perceive and act hard enough till desired output is obtained. All the major scientific breakthroughs had lot of hard work and patience behind it and they all had immense success. Patience has always played a major role in negotiations, which demands a winwin situation for the negotiating parties. However, individuals need to develop patience by 168

assessing their current level of patience. One needs to set the goals and work hard enough to achieve them. Let us finally remember that all impatient people are often  Dissatisfied  Withdraw prematurely in jobs, relationships etc  Feel overwhelmed by the goals and lose motivation I am fully convinced and satisfied that when one grows patient, stress is reduced and one enjoys the process of accomplishments without getting overwhelmed by the time. It makes individual to relax and develop healthy lifestyle and achieve effectively. Learn to be patient my fellow human beings. PRAYER FOR STRENGTH My prayers are simple and straight-forward. I do not pray for Almighty God to take my problems away but I pray for God to grant me the strength to go through them. Dear Lord, I do not ask You to make my life easier but I ask You to give me the strength to face all my problems and my troubles with courage and peaceful stance.

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Lord God, strength.

You

have

been

greatest

Keep holding my hand, enlightening my heart and mind. Keep holding me tight in Your embrace so that I can be stronger than all the challenges in my life. Let me repeat my favourite verse. BEFORE I ACT, I TRY TO LISTEN CAREFULLY BEFORE I REACT, I TRY TO THINK WELL BEFORE I CRITICIZE, I COUNT UP TO TEN BEFORE I SPEND, I SEE THAT I EARN ENOUGH BEFORE I PRAY, I ASK FOR FORGIVENESS BEFORE I QUIT, I ALWAYS TRY AGAIN BEFORE I SPEAK, I ASSESS MY AUDIENCE.

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Chapter Seventeen

REALIZATION This is a complicated and difficult world but

getting worse every moment of our living so people must realize that life has to be lived well and not lost in vain. People are not meant to quarrel like cats and dogs nor hate each other like enemies. People are the most intelligent among the living creatures of this universe so they must realize the importance of truth, beauty and goodness of life and refuse to act like ordinary animals. All people should realize the aims of living their lives well and be fully responsible for breaking the laws of nature through their activities of goodness, of compassion and of sacrifice. In this material world we are increasingly noticing that everything is temporary because things come into being, stay for some time, produce some by-products, dwindle and then vanish. This is the law of this material world whether we use our life or any fruit or flower. We have to revive our Sanatan Dharma or eternal way of life, occupation and living by revolutionizing our thinking so that we get rid of all the false fears and unacceptable beliefs 171

in order to cling to the original ways shown to us by God Almighty. Time has come for us to get rid of all the religious dilemma, hypocrisy and unwanted as well as doubtful beliefs and traditional ceremonies and search for the needed truth, beauty and goodness in humanity rather than be caged in such obsolete beliefs that are dubious as well as non-viable economically, culturally and ethically. Our new way of life and living should liberate us from all types of bondage and lead us to living as one group of people with one God, one chant and one belief. In the kind of realization that is advocated here, there is no abandonment of good and solid aspects of tradition but a realization that the time has come for universal unity rather than division of humanity into fragments and practicing obsolete ways of life. Almost all of the obsolete ceremonial and traditional aspects of most of our present living that we term as Sanatani are creating confusion and doubts in the minds of the right thinking people both old and young. Therefore, the sooner we build one place of worship, one way of living, one way of prayer and chanting with one sound and practical belief, the better it will be for the increasingly complicated and difficult world. 172

Once I realized that I deserved better things in life then letting go of things I did not need became the best thing for me. Then I could make my relevant decisions in time and with confidence. It was easy to realize what was real and what was not; who was worth the effort and who was not and whatever made me happy and whatever did not. In fact I was not able to realize how boring my life was becoming until some of my faithful friends asked me what I liked to do for fun. Consequently I was able to give myself permission to live a bigger and worthier life that had fun as well as seriousness. I then was able to step into who I was meant to be. I then stopped playing small because I realized that I was meant for greater things in my life. Gradually I was able to realize that some of the sweetest words some selfish people uttered, all those turned out to be the biggest lies. Success automatically became the progressive realization of my worthwhile objectives and dreams in life. I began to find joy in work and then I came to know that there was no happiness anywhere except in the realization that I was slowly accomplishing something valuable in my life. Then my greatest act of courage was to be and own all that I was without any apology, excuses and without any masks to cover the truth of who I truly was. 173

I then realized how foolish and strange a man I was at times. I did not want to lose my health in gaining and accumulating wealth because in order to regain that health I would be wasting my wealth. I did not want to ruin my present by worrying about my future and then weep in the future by recalling my past. I began to live as though I was born to succeed within the short life that I had. Time and genuine effort became very important factors for me. Every true, eternal and obvious problem became equally true and eternal fault and every solution or answer became an atonement which ultimately made every realization an improvement. So the most real and wonderful realization was that I was a unique individual in the world and had to learn to stand, sit, walk or run on my own feet. I then realized that I might not be the personality who I ought to be; knew that I was not even all that I wanted to be, but I knew that I had come a long way from who I used to be and I was determined that I would not give up on becoming what I have come to know I could be. At some point I should be able to realize that I have done enough for everyone around me and the only next possible as well as sensible step would be to stop and relax. Leave everything and everybody behind and walk away to retire. It would not be like I am 174

giving up and I should not try to live my life as I should. It would be just that I would like to draw a line of determination from desperation. Then what is truly mine would eventually be mine and what is not, no matter how hard I try at this age, will never be. My own people will not realize it tomorrow, a week from now, a month or even a year from now but definitely will realize a few years down the line when I am gone what they will miss in not relating with me as they should as my relatives, friends or family members. When I realized that there were a few of those around me who were behaving as if they were in an unhappy and loveless relationship with me despite being my very own blood, I began to think of my unrelenting passion and fire I burned for them when raising them while they were growing up. I spent my all and everything in order to give them a firm foundation that is making them enjoy the family, work and all social life now. After I am gone I could be forgotten altogether but there would come a few moments when they will think about the good things I did for them and admire my stance on standing up for them in time of their need. I will never take any umbrage or feel bad or even odd for all the adverse treatments as well 175

as aloofness I received during my old age from my own when I needed their care and support the most because I did my duties and took all the parental responsibilities without any hope and wish for rewards and returns. I just conducted myself with dignity and care that made me happy. My relationship with my children became harder as I aged and more so when I lost my wife, the mother and grandmother of my children. A lot of care, love and attachment became distant and absent and conversations, visits, caring and loving almost died. My insecurities, loneliness, suffering and hardships increased and I decided to get into another relationship. This initially had the support of my children but gradually it dwinddled and we were left wanting for love and attachments. These were the sad but true adventures of my old age but I am glad that the old aged package of the government and my wife Ganga are making a difference to my life. I am not taking anything for granted but if things take a turn to better events I would thank my stars for those. I realize that all my children have their own family lives to serve and enjoy and to bother about the needs, wants and hardships of an old man like me 176

would be difficult in the circumstances. I will be able to depart from all these without any worries and difficult thoughts as long as on the day of my departure I get a decent and final farewell ceremony.

I believe in God but I do not visit temples every now and then because my home and heart are my temples. I believe in selfrealization. Peace of mind matters a lot to me. There is no point in doing something just for the sake of it. I would rather do something I like doing as long as I am being true to myself.

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Chapter Eighteen

SILENCE IS GOLDEN

the last seven decades of my living a pleasant life I found that silence has been the most beautiful and meaningful voice for me. So whenever I was in any social conversation with anyone I found that it was better to cross the line and suffer the evil consequences than to just stare at that line for the rest of the time. Now there are times when my greatest accomplishment and enjoyment come to me when I just keep my mouth shut. Having established this internal sense and sensibility I could better deal with people and 178

understand them and so did the people around me in a variety of ways:       

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Often silence has become a real good answer for my people and me; All meaningful silent occasions turned out to be better than my most meaningless words; The quieter I became the more I could hear other people and even myself; I soon realized that the most powerful statement was my dignified silence; When my people did something wrong I never forgot all the things they did right silently; I realized that only those who cared about me could easily hear me when I was quiet; Therefore I came to know that only a few people care about me and the things around me whereas the rest of them are just curious; I then began to let my people know that ‘Never mistake my silence for my ignorance’, my calmness for my total acceptance and all my kindness for my weaknesses’ ; Consequently, I began doing little things for my people and as time went by those little things silently began to occupy the biggest part of their hearts and minds; 179

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I now know for sure that every successful person begins living with two solid beliefs and that are that when they understand the true meaning of the phrase ‘silence is golden’ then their future can be better than their present and they themselves can easily develop the immense potential and power to make it so; So I have silently tried my best not to let anyone’s ignorance, hate, drama or negativity stop me from being the better person I could become; It became succinctly clear to me that when anyone gave up it became the easiest thing in the world to do for them but to hold it together when everyone else around them would endeavour to quietly understand if they fell apart then it all became their true and greatest strength; I then realized that all wise people are not always silent but they know it fully well when it is the right time to be so; Of course, we all are aware that a moment of patience in a moment of anger saves us a hundred moments of pain and regret; I would never trust someone who lets me down for more than twice because I take once as a warning, twice as a good 180

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lesson and anything more than that is taking advantage of my silence; I have never been in competition with anyone and I have no desire to play the game of being better than anyone. In my entire life of 78 years I simply tried to be better than the person I was yesterday; Silence for me did not always mean that I had nothing to say but I realized that words are not always necessary to express yourself adequately; I always believed that small minds cannot adequately comprehend big and extended spirits and thoughts so I had to be strong to be great and be willing to bear all mockery, hatred and misunderstanding of the people around me; I now know that someday, everything and everybody would make perfect sense to me and so for now I need to laugh at all the confusion, smile through my tears and keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason; I only trust people who can see these three things in me: My sorrow behind my smile, the love behind my anger and the reason behind my silence; Now silence does not always mean “YES”. Sometimes it means I am tired of 181

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explaining important things to my people who find it hard to understand me; So I do not waste my words on people who deserve my silence because often the most important thing I can say is nothing at all; Often it is best for me to stay quiet because my silence can speak volumes without ever saying a word; I now know that one day I will be just a memory for my people so let me do my best to be a good silent admirer of things, people and places; Consequently I never go out of my way to explain anyone my honesty and worthiness because time has its own way of silently showing the truth and worth of people; My silence and my smiles were two powerful tools for me and my people because I believed that smile was one of the ways to solve problems and silence was the right way to avoid problems; My silence never meant that I made an exit from attachments but it simply meant that I did not want to argue unnecessarily with the people who failed to understand my contentions;

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When I am silent with such odd people and situations I cannot understand why I am screaming inside; Of course, in my many years of interaction with people I never saw any light and lamp that were shining more brightly than the lantern of my silence; So my best advice to all people has been twofold. Firstly, silence is the best answer for all stupid questions. Secondly, smiling is the best reaction in all situations; For me my silence has always has been my ocean and my humble speeches were my river because I knew that silence spoke a million words at times; I found that the silence of the people around me was not empty but full of answers; Finally without some stupid people around us we would have no one to laugh at so it is advisable to take time and silently appreciate the contributions of such people; Therefore in my life before I was ready to silently THINK I had to find out that whatever I was thinking had enough TRUTH in it; it was HELPFUL to and for me; it INSPIRED me; it was NECESSARY and it expressed the KINDNESS that I deserved. 183

These then lead us to some of my deep beliefs that should enable the readers to form their own opinion on their own beliefs. I believe in many things that are very personal to me and I feel that this is an age of faith, in which I like it or not, I am surrounded by so many militant creeds that in self-defence, I have to formulate my own. Tolerance, good temper and sympathy are no longer enough in a world which is rent by religious and racial persecution, in a world where ignorance rules, and science which ought to have ruled, plays a subservient pimp. Tolerance, good temper and sympathy still matter and if the human race is not to collapse, I feel they must come to the forefront before long. Faith, to my mind is a stiffening process, a sort of mental starch which ought to be applied as sparingly as possible. I personally like the stuff because I do believe in it. My home is my best temple because I can let anyone enter it and do whatever good one feels like doing. I have the right to exclude those who offend me. We have to live in this age of Faith- the sort of things we used to hear praised and recommended when we were children but as 184

we grow up of Faith becomes selective. As a consequence I am not a person who has blind faith. I believe in what is right, applicable, plausible and good for my living and development. I have total belief and faith in my relationships with the Supreme Being and my ancestors who have given me a firm foundation, a solid root to stand on and granted me various applicable knowledge and talents to rely on for all my future developments. It is because of these relationships that I am able to get a little order into the contemporary chaos that the society and community goes through presently. I am fond of my people who are truthful, good and beautiful in their words, actions, thoughts, character and heart. If I find my people who are reliable then I should also be reliable. I love to serve my country honestly and as best as I can but here too my service has to be legitimate because I firmly believe in promoting peace and war of any form is distasteful to me. We as human beings have the power of negotiation and the essence of agreeing to disagree with our fellowmen and fellow women. This brings me along to democracy, which starts from the assumption that the individual 185

is important and that all types are needed to make a civilization. It doesn’t divide its citizens into the bosses and the bossed, as an efficiency- regime tends to do. The people I admire most are those who are sensitive and want to create something or discover something, and don’t see life in terms of power, and such people get more of a chance under democracy than elsewhere. In my belief democracy has another merit. It allows criticism and if there isn’t public criticism there are bound to be hushed-up scandals. That is why I believe in the press and the parliament despite all their lies and vulgarities. So let me hail two cheers for democracy; one because it admits variety and two because it permits criticism. These contentions then bring me to the issue of force- police force, armed force and judicial force. In my belief they all are doing their best in the circumstances but isn’t there a saying that we could do more to suit the circumstances. Often we hear legitimate criticism of these forces. I realize that all society rests upon force but I believe that they should not get out of their boxes. Often the members of the police force do their job well or bring a wrong person to be tried but the judicial force often lets them down by 186

making decisions that show that their sentencing and punishments do not suit the crime. They are too lenient, too harsh or absurd. I believe that these two forces should complement each other to keep our society safe. I believe that the armed forces should defend the country and its people rather than be sent to interfere with the sovereignty of another nation. Let each country stand for itself and defend themselves without any interference from outside forces. There is of course the concept of hero worship frequently recommended as a panacea in some quarters. Hero worship I believe is a dangerous vice because it produces great being on the one hand and small people on the other. This brings inequality and division in the society. Those that perform heroic deeds should be humble and remain gentle to be with the rest of the human kind. So a lot of changes are needed in the society and the country generally to enhance the economic, educational, cultural, social and political developments. A similar change is needed in the sphere of morals and politics. Not by becoming better but by ordering and distributing the inherent truth, goodness and beauty will we shut up forces into boxes and 187

gain time to explore the world around us to set our valid marks upon it worthily. Such changes I believe can come if we have faith in the Supreme Power and our own endeavours, talents and actions. There is no need for division among the human race but a complete and comfortable belief in unity in diversity. It is shame that while we practice our own way of life we have developed a poor tendency to dislike the culture and belief of our other members of society who hold and practice different way of life. The time is here and now to unite and live peacefully by loving our neighbours more than ourselves because they are our best companions for immediate assistance when the needs arise. Instead of barking on obsolete traditional practices and religious dogmas I believe in liberating ourselves to willingly respect, to happily honour and to ardently accept the other point of view. I firmly believe that we should become more humans than what we presently show and practice to share the common elements of the great teachings of all our religions which are our love, care and respect for one another. There lies all our future salvation.

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Chapter Nineteen

SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST AND THE LIVING OF THE SKILLED I believe that when a person thinks he or she is about to die, the adrenalin begins to pump and he or she can become superâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;human in a final effort to survive. The effort to survive and to see another day has always been a problem since the first human walked the Earth. There are many obstacles that make living day-today a harsh struggle and many reasons why some fail to meet the expectations of this struggle. In order to survive in this world, people sometimes go to great lengths. Within them they carry a spirit that inspires the will to go on. A girl soccer team battles its way to the top; a disaster-movie heroine finds the strength to save herself; a struggling couple discovers in their love the spirit to go on. All, no matter what, have an instinct or a survival attitude that pushes them to become winnersâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; to overcome the odds they confront. 189

The will to survive affects even ordinary activities such as high school sports competitions. The girlsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; soccer team at a High School, for example, learned a lot about survival last year. These girls started out the season, wanting to achieve great things. We all knew that they had the talent to win the state soccer championship, but did they have the determination to do so? The season began with a rocky start, including problems with several team members themselves, not to mention facing tough, higher-ranked competitors. But one game at a time, the team made it to the state competition. It was a harsh battle, and there were plenty of tears along the way, but they survived the worst the season had to offer and earned the title of state champions. That is an example of survival of the fittest. The will to succeed can train us to survive under extraordinary circumstances, too. Such life-and-death situations are the subject of some of our most successful movies, including Titanic, the biggest box-office success of all time. Rose, the movie's glamorous heroine, is in love with Jack, and the two are struggling to stay alive as the ship goes down.

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In the final scenes of the movie, Jack dies and Rose is faced with the challenge of survival. She can stay in the water and risk the freezing temperatures and the diminishing possibility of rescue, or she can use every remaining bit of strength left in her and summon the lifeboat that is many yards away, looking to pick up those alive in the water. As she sees the lifeboat go by, she finds a small whistle, uses it to call the boat's occupants, and is rescued. Someone else might not have found the strength to go on, weak and exhausted in the freezing water, with a true love lost to such enormous disaster. Rose, however, found the will to survive. The spirit of survival we admire in the heroine of Titanic can help us to endure less glamorous but equally difficult struggles. We too can learn to survive. We find such a struggle in many living examples where courageous people through their instinct and survival attitude have overcome the most difficult and demanding situations of their lives. You may be exhausted, crying with pain or suffering other calamities every day and night but if you are hoping that you will be able to escape from the hardship that plagues you life, you can do it. No matter how hard things get, you will be able to hold on to your hopes for various kinds 191

of love. You got to have the will to survive and you will. We all have experienced that our lives are plagued by various kinds of losses, chronic diseases and other tragedies. Such adversities help us build our strong character but more importantly, they show us whether we can step up to the challenges our life presents. The will to survive comes from within each one of us. It is the factor that shapes the way we will be remembered. To survive is to continue to live or exist despite dangerous or life threatening situations. There are many circumstances that could threaten the survival of a person or a group of people. Some of these include dire socio-economic situations and war. It could also be unexpected situations which arise suddenly such as being shipwrecked or marooned on an uninhabited Island, lost in a desert, or cold corner of the world, isolated Arctic regions or in a dense forest. Looking at these various scenarios, it is clear that to survive in each of these situations one would most certainly need somewhat different sets of skills. Therefore, survival skills have to be developed and discussed in terms of the scenario to which they apply and, hence, one could say that there are physical survival 192

skills, social survival skills and economic survival skills. There may be a few among others. Let us assume that you are stranded in a forest and it is almost night fall. What do you do? How do you cope before the elements of the weather or wild animals get to you? How do you beat the odds and stay alive? The critical answers to these and similar questions depend on whether you possess survival skills or not. It is naĂŻve to believe that a situation where you will need critical survival skills to survive will never arise because according to Murphyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Law, whatever can go wrong will certainly go wrong. So it is better to be prepared for the unexpected by developing critical skills needed to survive extreme situations. During my adolescence years I used to accompany my father on various hunting expeditions. One such trip took us to the forests of the mountain range commonly known as the Sleeping Giant. The running of a few wild goats made my father follow them deeper into the forest beyond the huge rocks. I as the obedient assistant hunter had to keep up with the speed of the hunter. The head hunter because of his hunting skills and persistence managed to capture his prey or hunt. After a bit of rest we needed to get back 193

home because it was getting dark and it was then that we realized that we were truly lost. That was the instance I saw the surviving skills of my father work to our advantage. He did not panic at all and kept assuring me that we would find our way home soon. Firstly, he helped me locate a suitable site for our camping. We needed to avoid spots that had natural danger like insect nests and places that were prone to being flooded or attacked by wild animals. Then together we built a suitable shelter that was to insulate us from cold and precipitation. While my father was preparing the goat meat for our meal I used my scouting skills to collect some dry leaves, twigs and wood to start a fire. There was no problem in finding drinkable water because there was a running stream nearby. Our ability to distinguish between clean and unclean water became critical. As a rule, water that was stagnant or had been on the same spot for a while was to be avoided was the sound advice of my father. So I used the little container we had to collect water from the running stream. Meat alone would not have been adequate food for us so our luck took us to a breadfruit tree that gave us a few fruits to boil and use as our food.

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Although my father had his gun he made some multi-pronged spear with wood using his pen knife. That was to survive any attacks of the wild animals at night. We the amateur hunters did not want to become hunted by the wild animals. It was a dark night with no sight of the moon to guide us so we had keep the fire burning all night as a safely precaution and to keep us warm. Luckily for us both of us knew how to tie different kinds of knots particularly the bow line, because it became our life saver in the jungle that night. Although it never became necessary we knew how to send up a signal if need arose by setting up a signal fire either in a clearing or a hilltop where it could act as visibility so rescuers could find us. Of course my father made sure that he created a fire built around the fire so that the fire did not spread and the whole forest became a fireball while we slept. Our food was prepared and dinner completed for us to sleep until the morning when we would decide our next move. Thank God the night was over and when the bright sun was seen on the horizon we made our way home. All said and done we could summarily say that survival in the jungle was about correct application of common sense that my father had and taught me. 195

In all cultures there are people struggling for survival. Some are starving, some are living in sheer poverty, some are thrown into slavery, and some just cannot get their footing; but in all of these situations there seems to be a common theme that presents itself over and over. Many of these people become so desperate to live they will give up their morals and give in to whatever they can to get by. Occasionally there is one person stronger than the rest, one able to hold onto their morals, one that would rather die than give in. As shown in my other stories published on the Google Plus titled â&#x20AC;&#x153;Saved by the Bellâ&#x20AC;? strong survivors like my father are few among the many weak. For most people the need to survive exceeds their need to uphold their moral beliefs. In the culture of my parents and grandparents a good example of one struggling to survive had to do with the way their human values were setup. They regarded themselves as warriors ready to struggle to get what was their need. In our way of life we were assured that our fate was decided by who our parents were and to which human class they belonged. From the day the Prasads are born to the day they die they remain in the human class their parents brought them into with no unnecessary and obsolete ceremonial, social 196

and cultural obligations but a deep belief in God and our own skills of survival in this highly competitive world.

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Chapter Twenty

SOME OF MY PREVIOUS WAYS IN LIFE ARE NOW MY HIGHWAYS AND GUIDING LIGHTS I

was born and raised by my parents and grandparents in a small village of Fiji called Botini in the district of Nadi. My ancestors were forced migrants who later turned successful farmers. I was fortunate to be in their life because they gave me the best education and adorable culture to treasure. The cherished dream of my ancestors was that I should become a community worker to go forth to serve them in the best possible way. When I became a teacher they were very proud and blessed me to continue my education and life activities. I continued to prosper by becoming an education administrator, a curriculum developer and examiner for the students of Fiji and having served them well I left the lucrative government service to join the commercial sector as a human resource director to train and manage adults. This was further 198

enhanced when I became a senior lecturer to train teachers in Fiji and teach adults at a training centre in Queensland, Australia. After my retirement from work in 2002 I continued my creative side of life to write and publish multiple books that had professional writing, novels, short stories, poems and essays. Today I am a humble author of over forty books. I have decided to develop this brief essay to express myself for the benefit of those willing readers who may have something to appreciate and emulate in their own lives. I try not to get upset with any difficult people or any odd situations because I know that both are powerless without my reactions. For me common sense is that precious and pretty flower which does not grow in everyoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s garden. An ugly and poor personality definitely destroys that pretty and calm face that all human beings supposed to possess and wear proudly. At least this belief lets us smile with a difference and let everyone know that today we are a lot stronger and happier than what we were yesterday.

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My prayer today is simply this: Dear Lord, I want to take a few minutes of your valuable time not to ask for anything more things from You but simply to say again and again “Thank You Lord for all that You have given me. Just keep your arms of blessing for me and my people”. Over the years I have become perfectly satisfied with all my imperfections, happy in all my pains, strong in all my weaknesses and beautiful in almost all my ways only because I try to be ME. I am not perfect but I always try to be ME. This at times may mean that I try to be WEIRD –  Wonderful,  Exciting,  Interesting,  Real but  Different. Therefore I have accepted that it is much better to look ahead and prepare well for the future than to sit and brood and look back and despair. The day I realized that my life on this earth was short I tried to stop worrying about all the trivial and stupid things but started having fun, falling in love with everything around me, regret about nothing and try not to let anyone bring me down.

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If we learn to be who we are and are free to say what we feel, we will have a comfortable life because those who mind what we are and what and how we feel and say should not matter for us and those who really matter about us would not mind what we are, what and how we feel and say. It was amazing to learn that today I am truly ME and that sounded a lot truer than true because for me there is no one other who is more MEER than ME. Those of us who have brains in our head, those of us who have been able to place our feet in our shoes then it is certain that we can steer ourselves in any direction we choose. Success would be guaranteed for us always. When I was at my first College I used to go to church with my close friend who told me that the phrase “DO NOT BE AFRAID” appears in the Bible 365 times. From that day it all became a daily reminder of God Almighty to me, ‘to live everyday being fearless’. So I am truly thankful to God for what I am now and I keep fighting fearlessly for what I want to be tomorrow. Now I find that true mark of my maturity comes to me when somebody hurts me I try to understand their current situation instead of 201

trying to annoy or hurt them back. I begin to start where I am, use whatever I have and do what I can. Now I have nothing to lose in life and have the whole world to see and appreciate. My life now is not about waiting for any oncoming storm to pass but I have learnt to dance as best as I can in the heavy rain. I let my life begin at the end of all my comfort zones. I have learnt to begin all my days with a grateful heart. I have come a long way from my birth place and enjoyed every step of my long and fruitful journey. Now I have learnt to laugh like I used to do when I was a child; I enjoy my party and entertainment moments like I used to do when I came of age; I now keep travelling as if I am searching something new at age thirty; I keep thinking of better things to say, do and live as if I am forty; I have not yet reached the stage in my life to give advice to anyone but I take advise from everyone as if I am fifty; now that I have retired from all active paid work I need tender loving care as if I am sixty and finally now that I have already seen three scores and ten Christmases I have begun to fully understand and appreciate the essence and conduct of divine love as well as love for all around me.

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My ways to my happiness in life have been many but the most important ones have been the following:  I tried to live a simple life;  As far as possible I tried not to worry;  I always expected less and tried to give more;  Expression of love to all humankind was my objective and that kept me always from all forms of hatred;  From an early age I learnt to scatter the sunshine of truth, beauty and goodness to everyone and everywhere;  I never stopped learning from my elders, friends and family members;  I always took time to do things that made my heart, soul and mind happy;  I never gave up on something I really wanted because I knew it was difficult to wait but it was more difficult to regret later;  My trust and belief in the power of the Supreme Being never ever faded. When everything seemed like it was falling apart that was when God Almighty was putting things together for me the way He wanted to. I do not think that we properly understand how stressful it becomes to explain others 203

what is going on in our head when we do not even understand it ourselves. Therefore I remember that I am always responsible for how I act, no matter how I feel. Too often I underestimated the power of tender touch, a genuine smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment and the smallest act of caring but when I did estimate the power of all these I found out that they all had the potential to turn my life around. I now know fully well that my past has been my greatest teacher and my most valuable lesson, my present has always been my worthy gift of God and as a consequence of all these my future would always inspire and motivate me to live and let live. The best thing about my past is that I do not let it show me anything that would spoil my present and my future. So now any of my failures have only been my golden opportunity to begin again more wisely. I have been a creative writer since I was fifteen but when writing the stories of my life and all other essays I did not let anyone else hold the pen for me. My creativity and invocations were always my personal expression. Just because my routes and paths are different it does not mean that I am lost and cannot create any more because I am able to do it even better standing alone. However, there comes a time 204

in the life of the creative writer that he has to choose between turning a new page and closing the book forever. Of course, my life too has seen some disappointments, a few failures and one or two setbacks but none of these could ever stop me permanently. They gave me the power to overcome all that odd things my life threw at me because I knew that there was nothing as more powerful as a ‘made up mind’. I always surrounded myself with kind, gentle and wise people who kept reminding me that I could do things right if I said, believed and treasured the maxim “I CAN”. They kept telling me that no person, situation or circumstances could define ‘Who I Was?’ because ‘If it is to be it is up to me’. So I never gave up, caved in or stopped believing that all my genuine actions were possible for me and it would never be over until I won. Nowadays whenever I find myself doubting as to how far I can still go with my creativity, I just have to remember how far I have come and then keep reminding myself everything and every odd moments I have faced, all the battles I have lost and won and all the fears I have overcome. I am under no obligation to be the same person I was before but I have to learn to grow without any apologies. I know that when I woke up today, someone must 205

have been taking their last breath so I must thank God for giving me another chance and another day. I cannot afford to waste that opportunity to keep going. I want God to help me to be the person who leaves a mark and not any scars. I want to always remember to go to bed and fall sleep with a pleasant dream and then wake up with a definite purpose. I know I will be wiser if I am able to take my life as a dream but if I take my life as a game I will certainly become a fool. I now have accepted that I should stop waiting for that best moment, the pleasant summer, for the world to agree with me, for someone to guide me and for all the dark clouds to clear from the horizon of my life because I am confident that happiness can be achieved when I stop waiting for these and make the most of all the opportunities and moments I have in front of me. I do not want the world to change my joyful smile but as far as possible I need to make my smile to change the world. This is my faith in God and belief in myself because I know that the most amazing things in life tend to happen right at the moment when we are about to give up hope. I now live everyday with good intention, walk to the edge of my life, listen well and listen hard, practice wellness at most times, play to participate, laugh whenever the occasion 206

arises, make all my choices without any regrets, appreciate the value of true friendship, love whatever I do with interest and care but I continue to learn as if these are all that are to enrich my life. Since I was a teacher I have never forgotten to remain a good student while I interact with others. As I have said before I am strong enough for myself because I know all my weaknesses; I know what are truthful, goodness and beautiful inside me because I have been made aware of all my flaws; I am brave enough and fearless because I have learnt to recognize the difference between illusion and reality; I have become wiser for myself because I have tried to learn from all my mistakes; I am able to laugh well enough because I have known sadness and met some tragedies in life and I am able to love my wife, my family and my ways because I fully understand and appreciate the faults of hatred. Thus I know that it takes a strong person to say and feel sorry but it takes even a stronger individual to forgive and forget. Therefore, I like and enjoy the small joys that my simple life has been giving me. For me there are no shortcuts to my endurance therefore I have been training myself everyday to make peace with all the long, winding and cumbersome routes of the 207

journey of my life. I have been doing this because I wanted to love and be certain where my ruotes and paths were taking me. So I try not to go where my routes and paths lead me easily and comfortably but instead I always wanted to go where there were paths and routes that would allow me to leave my trace and trails. Now I am mindful that death is not the greatest loss in life for me because acording to my Scriptures there no such thing as death when the soul inside us which cannot be destroyed in any way is the cherished gift of the God Almighty and our destructible body that is made up of five elements gets back to those elements upon cremation. For me the greatest death and loss are whatever gets lost and die inside us while we live. I want to keep my internal feelings, emotions and thinking alive at all times while I live. Therefore, it has never mattered to me what others were doing because it mattered what I was doing to live a healthy and worthy life as a human being. As my conclusion let me state that we should never fear standing out, being bold, being us and being phenominal human beings as far as poaaible. This would be a worthy life and living on this earth.

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MY WAY HAS BEEN MY HIGHWAY 1. I do not worry about money but take advantage of all the opportunities that knock on my door and enough money has followed me all my life. 2. I always take my chance when I am offered one and thrive. 3. I stay focused on the aims and objects of living peacefully. 4. I believe that perseverance is worth ten times its weight versus my abilities and talents. 5. Eighty percent of my success in life was showing up early at all appointments. I was in the right place at the right time. 6. My positive mindset and proactive stance always allowed me opportunities into my life. 7. I learnt to move forward at a much faster pace from an early age. Thanks to my sound parental upbringing. 8. I have never lived someone elseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s life and did not compare myself with the progress and prestige of others. 9. Whatever role I had at home, in the community and at work, I did my very best. Peak performance was my goal. 10. I never gave up until my dying breath and kept trying until I was satisfied with my effectiveness. 209

11. I always felt that I had the ability to control how I felt about any situation. This developed self- control and self- confidence. 12. I knew the difference between my success and failure. Every failure initiated further action for success. 13. I developed the ability to get up time and time again after I fell down and thus developed a taste of selfmotivation.

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Chapter Twenty-One

The Future What a wonderful thought it is for all of us that some of the best days of our lives have not happened yet. The past has gone, the present is with us and our future is full of hope, faith and good thoughts. We believe that our past must remain the past and presently it is the future that we need to concentrate and discuss continuously. Consequently our past becomes our lesson and the present remains our gift but the future is our motivation. We all have our past, present and the future but as we go along in life we learn from our past, live our present and expect the best for our future. We had a lucrative past but there were a few ups and downs that we managed to successfully manoeuvre and overcome. Our past events and episodes of life have enabled us to develop our strengths, skills and talents to live our present life with dignity and control. Of course, the past also enabled us to construct our future with effective and efficient style. There were many points in our living that we had to let go of what we thought should 211

happen and began to live in what was happening. Some events and episodes made us extremely happy, some were not so rewarding and a few made us revise our routes. There were a few specific stances we had to maintain and proceed with care, confidence and control. We managed to find workable solutions to many of our challenges and those that bothered us we abandoned them or found workable alternatives. These made our life and living move smoothly. We kept Almighty God in sight at all times and that was the reason for our success. We have learnt not to live in the past, neither do we think about the mistakes or changes we have made because we know that such thoughts would certainly impede our progress and prosperity. We have begun to think of our life as an exciting book and so we move forward, read one chapter at a time, close it after reading it well and then open another. This assists us to learn from the errors and mistakes of our past activities and so we manage to focus on our future by strengthening our present. Our past helps us and we do not let it hinder our peace, progress and prosperity. Managing this type of living is difficult but our determination and confidence let us press on regardless.

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It was difficult but we tried to never let our fear and confusion decide our future. We acted confidently and with determination to build every aspect of our future life and in a lot of respects we were successful. That is a matter of pride for us. We have been mindful that often people with their ugly and spoilt past end up creating the best future. Our past was not that bad but we are determined to create our good future and we know that we would be able to with the blessing of the Almighty and our family and friends. Our strengths have shown us that we do not only have the ability to persist but have the potential to rub it off and start again. We now know how to heal our past with care, live our present with dignity and dream to build our future with confidence. It is normal for human beings like us to get stressed over the ugly events of our past and we know that we can do very little to change that but at least we know that we can definitely focus on our present events and episodes to create our respectful future with good planning. I remember during my childhood days I spent a lot of time with my grandparents who kept telling me that no one but you are responsible for building your future. Of course, you will get help from others if you help them build their future. So now when I look back on my 213

life, I realize that every time I thought I was rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better that my friends and family members helped me plan. Then the quickest way for me to acquire my self-confidence was to do exactly what I was afraid to do. Fear had very little place in my life and living. Consequently, my future was being created what I was doing everyday. Then I studied and followed the advice of Gautam Buddha who asked me to neither dwell in the past nor dream of the future but concentrate the mind on the present moment. As a result of this belief the future god constructed the way I wanted. When we got married I told Ganga that I was saving her a place in my future because I knew that she wanted to be part of that journey. However, we found that the journey was not all that smooth because we did have a few problems. However, we made every attempt to overcome all our difficulties together. We worked and lived for each other and we made it a pleasant journey. We looked at the teachings of Socrates who made us believe that the secret of change was not to focus all our energies to fight the old but to start building the new. So the best way to predict our future was to learn to gradually create it. Therefore, all our tomorrows began 214

to have hope that we would learn a lot of things from our yesterdays. One thing became clearer as we moved on and that was when we were thinking about our life we remembered that no amount of guilt could ever solve any of our problems of the past and no amount of anxiety could ever change or modify our future. All our visions and dreams slowly became our dress rehearsals for our future. We were not any losers who would quit when they are tired but instead we became the winners who kept on moving until we won. Ultimately our interest was in the future because it was there that we were going to spend the rest of our life. We have never stopped believing in hope because we have seen that miracles do happen all the time. We found out the hard way that choices, chances and changes are part of our life so we make appropriate choices to take our chances because we know that if we do not then our life will never change. Therefore our unknown future is always in the hands of all-knowing God. Many times the best thing we have done is not to think, not to wonder, not to imagine and even not to obsess but just breathe and have faith that everything would work out for the best. This belief is like a double-edged sword 215

because this can work both ways. It can make or break you so care must be taken at all times. I have said this before but I would like to repeat this to establish my point that no amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can alter our future. I have had some very nasty incidents in the past but I left that event just in the past and moved on without any worry. No matter how good or bad I think my life has been, I make a point of waking up each day and be thankful for life because I know that someone somewhere else is fighting to survive and has faced worse experiences. I had to be stronger because I had to be, I am smarter because I managed to learn from my mistakes and I am happier because of the variety of sadness I have known and experienced and now I have to be wiser because I have learnt new things. Now I keep saying to my past, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thank you for all the lessonsâ&#x20AC;? and I tell my future that I am ready to move forward regardless and did everything to always make our future greater and bigger than our past. It has been our belief that almost every successful person begins living with two firm beliefs and they are that the future can be 216

better than the present and that we have the power to make it so. Of course, we can make our future as bright as our faith if we made the right move. Just because our past did not turn out like we wanted it to be then it does not mean that our future cannot be better than our imagination. As the saying goes that the future belongs to those merry souls who believe in the beauty of their vision and dreams. If we are brave enough to let go of our past and fight to build the present that we deserve then a much better future is always there for us. There is definitely no elevator to get on to if we want to succeed in life but we have to take the right kind of stairs. It is true that the secret of our future is hidden somewhere in our routine. Those of us who search well they find the secret and keep moving on but those that wonder without firm objectives they fail desperately. So it is wise to stop waiting for Friday or for bright summer or for someone to come and help you because happiness is usually achieved when we stop waiting for all these and make the most of the moment we are in presently. We want to do something tangible but solid today that our future self would thank us for. We know that we would never be called brave if we are afraid to get hurt and shy away from 217

trying. Of course, it is true that we will never learn if we did not make any mistakes and we will not be successful if we do not encounter failure and have fear of failure. We want to do something positive today that our future self would thank us for to make us live a better life. Whether our life and living are good, better and best we should never let it rest till our good becomes better and our better turns best. It is good to believe that yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and our today is a gift. It is our present so as we have maintained always that we should learn from the past, plan our future and live our present life as best as we can. Let us stand in front of the mirror of our life and keep repeating this message: Mirror mirror on the wall, let me always get up when I fall, and whether I run, walk or have to crawl, let me set my goals and achieve them all. Finally we found at least five pearls of wisdom to live our life with care and comfort and we managed to adapt them for our smooth existence and they are as follows: 218

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Money would not be able to buy our happiness but somehow it is much more comfortable to cry in our bedroom than in the front yard. We always try to forgive our enemies and wrong-doers but we try to remember their names. We try to help people who are in trouble so that they can help us when we face trouble. We know that there are many people in this world who happen to be alive only because it is illegal to shoot and destroy them. We found that alcohol has never solved anybody’s problems but neither did milk or nectar. We have to solve them ourselves.

This is where we wish to end our deliberation but our readers and other interested people would be able to read a lot in between the lines. If you as the reader got something out of my mistakes, failures and successes then I will feel elated. I wish everyone a happy reading.

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Chapter Twenty Two

MY VIEWS OF HUMANITY FROM THE SKY I

have lived on this earth for over seventy eight years and when people ask my age I simply say that I am still young in knowledge because I am still learning. Today I feel like flying up to be among the white clouds of the blue sky so that I can see my world from there. I feel that the experience, clarity and knowledge received from that vantage point would be beneficial to my living and life. I have been on this earth for a long time visiting places of interest, attending institutions of learning and watching people conduct their affairs. I have found that age is really irrelevant to our successful living because I determine my age with the number of sun rises and sunsets I have observed with interest, the number of successful people I have met and interacted with in my life, the number of hearts I have cared for and loved, the number of worthy trips I have made for personal discovery and the number of concerts and dramatic presentations I have been to. In fact that is how old I am now. 220

All the earthly and humanistic attributes I feel can be seen and appreciated and/or criticised and evaluated a lot better from the upper point because when viewed from above we can definitely see the wider picture and overview the whole human development and culture more easily. I firmly believe that the perspective that reflects the well-being of mankind and the way the ordinary and the extra-ordinary people of this earth behave and interact socially, culturally, economically and politically can be assessed deeply and easily. We will be able to appreciate and evaluate people and their life and living together in a common society. My purpose and interest in viewing human behaviour and conduct from up above are to see how simple, complex and confused we human beings of this earth have become through our various interactions. We humans tend to make things a lot more difficult and complex for us to handle easily and then we repent and loose our happiness and peaceful existence. We humans are suffering from three stupid stages of life. Our teen age has a lot of time, energy and opportunity but there is no financial support. Our working age on the other hand has money, energy and the needed skills but we have no time. Then comes our 221

old age where we have a lot of time and may have accumulated funds in our superannuation but we have no energy. My views from the above presentations show that humanity is suffering as a consequence of these stupidities. I have observed that we humans are rather selfish and act for our own benefit most of the time thus forgetting about the other people who live, work and exist around us. We often wake up to things and come to realize after it is a bit too late. It is sad indeed that we make a lot of mistakes but learn something worthwhile from only some of our errors. Had we not been so we might have been able to prevent a lot of things and events from happening to our disadvantage. I know from my childhood and strong upbringing that to live a creative life we must lose our fear of being wrong or making a mistake. The best part of my growing up was that we should learn from our mistakes but get determined never to make the same mistake twice. Now I see from my vantage position that that does not happen on this earth where people make the same mistake over and over again. They get into the comedy of errors. I have observed that humans often forget to ask themselves whether it is a good and a right thing to do before doing it. 222

I see that humans often find themselves in very awkward situations when they are unhappy and worried because they have never felt self sufficient. They often fail to understand that the human mind is like a space that is hard to fill or cannot be filled effectively and sufficiently. There is always a lot of room for good and useful things in the human brain. I can visualize from my strategic position up above that human beings should adopt a simple philosophy to learn to fill what is empty with good ideas and at the same time empty what is full of rubbish. Soon they will learn to scratch only where it itches. I also see that the earthly beings often develop fear of things and events that have not yet happened therefore they feel anxious about the unknown rather than looking for facts and relying on them for proactive action. Thus they get agitated and begin to hurt each other and worrying for nothing despite the obvious knowledge that life is too short for selfishness, hate and other damaging aspects of living. It is unfortunate that we humans often do not fully understand what true happiness is when we display simplicity, peace and tranquillity. We let our emotions take control over our reasons and rationality. This obstructs the attainment of our wisdom and knowledge. I see from here that many people are unable to 223

properly distinguish the difference between true and artificial joy. True and real happiness comes from peaceful and disciplined mind but our human beings treasure fake and artificial joy by relying heavily on external and material objects. The human beings who are living on a different level do not ever consider it to be a proof of truth just because it is written in books and scriptures because the earth is full of liars who have, will and continue to deceive us with their words and then would never hesitate to do the same with their pen. My observation is that if we want to expect the best of everything we must prepare ourselves adequately for the worst. My belief is very simple on these issues. I am running a race of a hundred miles and I have not reached the end as yet. So whenever I feel like quitting I quickly begin to think about the reason why I started it. I can clearly see that many human beings are worried about what others are going to think about them. This negativity impedes their peace, progress and prosperity. So let us not bother about people who judge us without knowing us and our credentials because most dogs only bark if they do not know the person.

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It is rather unfortunate that we humans often display greed, anger and illusions of lust and these are our obstacles for life. The test of life is when we gather enough knowledge and wisdom to exit out of these at an appropriate time and simply disengage from such dubious conditions. Consequences of these inappropriate circumstances lead us to a variety of sufferings when in reality human birth is designed by God to live happily and enjoy the fruits of living. So I can see many smiles on the faces of people on the earth but I find it hard to know whose world is mentally, physically, socially, culturally, politically and economically upside down. I see that many people seem stagnant inside and yet they are moving so the earth looks promising and yet many human beings are deceiving. Some of us can see sunshine every day whereas others are living in darkness and shadows so their opportunities become their obstacles. Let me come down to the earth because I am alarmed at the sight from above. I now see that everything that I need and want is on the other side of fear but those that have overcome their fear they have been living well. Now I am sceptical and do not believe that people on this earth are looking for any 225

meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experiences to be alive and kicking. So let me conclude my essay by making a few final points about humanity.  Let us not worry about what people say behind our back because I know that they are the people who are finding faults in our life instead of fixing mistakes in their own life.  To live alone and be lonely is much better in this competitive and confusing world than living in any bad company.  So let us seek to be good, better and best and never let it rest until our good becomes better and our better turns best.  For all of us our intelligence should be like our underwear because it is important that we have it but it is not necessary that we show it off.  Any intelligence for human beings without the needed ambition and determination is like a bird without wings.  The greatest gift we humans can give each other is our time because when we give our time, we are giving a portion of our life that we will never get back.  Let us always remember that our ego is just like dust in our eye and without 226

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clearing it we cannot see anything clearly. So let us clear our ego and see the world clearly. As the wise have said that many times when fools speak the wise ones should listen because many times foolish words have some wisdom in them as well.

I am certain that after reading the above my readers will allow me to conclude this collection of Essays with my personal Philosophies of Life. MY PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE I have forgiven many people for their inflictions but forgiveness has never been easy for me because it felt more painful than the wound I suffered in order to forgive the one who inflicted it. However, I found that there was no peace without forgiveness. I managed to forgive those who inflicted the wounds to me but I never forgot the pain. In my life I felt that love is not always perfect and it is neither a fairytale nor a storybook. One thing I know for sure that it does not always come easy. Love is overcoming obstacles, facing challenges, fighting to be together with your loved ones, holding on and never letting go. It is a four letter short word, 227

easy to spell, difficult to define and almost impossible to live without. For me love was work, play and live but most of all love has been the realization that every hour, every minute and every second was worth it because I lived with my loved ones in harmony, come what may. Consequently I tried to be myself. I learnt that I could not be loved by all people. I may have been the finest fruit in the world- ripe, juicy, sweet, succulent- and may have offered myself and my help to everyone but I always remembered that there were people in this world who did not like fruit. However, I fully understood that even if I was the worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s finest fruit, the truth was that there were people around me who did not like fruits so I had the choice to become something else that the people loved. I soon found out that I could not please everyone all the time so I tried to be myself and have been living a happy life. So I wanted to get things straight down to the marrow of my bone and reveal the monstrous unsavoury truth. I realized that I was a living human being with some attributes of truth, beauty and goodness of humanity and a healthy body that would end one day and be cremated to return to the original aspects. So 228

the gorgeous soul would fly away to join the divine universe and the melodious singing as well as the sweet music will be lost into infinity. My God, we the little proud and precious creatures of this world would leave everything behind and disappear into oblivion. All our wrongs, rights, good and the evil would be interred with our bones. Alas in my life I felt elated for many things that I completed but I also saw sadness and noticed a lot of pain. I heard the thunder and got wet in the rain but silly me despite so many warnings and obvious knowledge I never thought that this short life would end one day. I knew but I could not foresee that my life too would end and I would be a forgotten piece of toy. So I am not going to ask what the meaning of life is when I return but I will define it. Of course there are a few more things I would like to do upon my return journey.  I will quit waiting for everything to become perfect;  I will choose to live by choice and not by chance;  I will make changes not excuses while I live;  I will find ways to motivate myself but would never be manipulated; 229

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I will try to be useful but would avoid being used; I will do my best to excel but would never compete; I will choose self-esteem and not selfpity; and I will try to listen to my inner voice not the random opinions of others.

Finally I would try to do things now because in this life I have discovered that sometimes later becomes never. Life was hard but God was good and I will never try to confuse the two. I will not give up what I want most. When I am gone from this world I want my people to know that the tragedy of life is not death but what we allow to die inside us while we live.

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Chapter Twenty-Three

LOOKING FOR HAPPINESS I was always on a journey to find happiness in my life. It has taken me over half a century to find happiness. It is all because as a normal human being I have been displaying some specific peculiarities in life. For the majority of my work and family life I was continuously working to find people, things and events that would make me happy. Unfortunately none of my efforts worked to my disadvantage for a very long time. I had hordes of people around me who had acquired lots of things but they were unable to make themselves happy. So I decided to go on a journey to look for happiness and found out that happiness can be acquired with little effort and I could become happy for no reason at all. So without changing anything in my life my happiness just appeared from nowhere when I began to think of my childhood days. As a child I was the happy go lucky individual with no baggage and no worries at all. This was all because as a child happiness just existed for me. As I aged I seem to lose touch with my childhood happiness for no reason at all. I began to see a world where everyone was striving for a variety of 231

things; education, popularity, wealth, health and God knows what else. Just striving, striving and striving when the natural fountain of happiness I once enjoyed as a child just began disappearing as I joined the queue of strivers. I knew inside me that the natural happiness had not gone but I only lost my connection to it. Therefore I tried to recover that connection when I lost the most precious person of my family life, my beloved wife. This essay is about recovering that connection. We all grow up believing that if we work hard, and if we are good people, we will enjoy good relationships with others, good health, success and consequently a long life. However, after my late wife advised me, I understood that obviously this was not all true. There are a lot of rich old people who are not happy, she said. What we have, what we do and the other circumstances of our lives do not provide authentic happiness. Instead, happiness comes from inside of us, and all by itself it enables us to have secure relationships, good health, more success and longer lives. So, my beloved wife had to pass away to inspire me as to what was the secret of being happy. After her passing away I led myself on a search for more truth, beauty and goodness around me through research, reading and reshuffling my thoughts. My 232

scriptures, my ancestry thoughts, my social, economic and physical compositions made me wake up and be counted. For me being happy was a little like flipping a switch on and off. When it’s on you are happy and when it’s off you are not. It’s so easy. How else can you explain being happy for no reason. What you need to do is learn to turn that vital switch on, and remember to keep it turned on. I wish to discuss some workable practices that helped me do that. A lot of wisdom was available to me in the thoughts of wise people like Dalai Lama, Buddha, Gandhi Chanakye. Kennedy, Churchill, Clinton, Mandela and Lenin. Many other literary figures in the likes of Shakespeare, Tennyson, Tulsidas, Kabir, Rahim, Surdas and Keats also filled me with the needed inspiration. I also had access to many scriptures in the Bible, Quran and the Bhagvad Gita about how to be happy. Most of these wise words are thousands of years old, but many can be seen as quite new. I was even compelled to look at the negative thoughts of people to convert them to my way of positive thinking. Some of the practices that I wish to look at incorporate this wisdom to help me learn how to turn on the switch or fountain of happiness in my life. The kind of happiness I am talking about does not require changing anything in my life. All I have 233

to do is learn to turn that switch or fountain of joy on. These valuable ideas and thoughts enabled me to find the needed switch of happiness. I came of age as far as my happiness was concerned in the nineties, in and around Brisbane, which was a centre for many new activities at the Detention Centre for Youths. It was then that I had my first important experiences of a new way of being in the world. It was a different way of being than anything I had previously experienced. The young people I was teaching were all a reject of the society and they were starving for human emotions such as love, care and consideration. Many times, I noticed that my waking mind had stilled. As we used to say, the inner dialog had stopped. And when it stopped, it left a kind of excitement, peace and happiness that I had not previously known. I learnt to give without any wish to receive. I gave the needed compassionate requirements to my students and in return received their undivided attention and instinctual consideration. These were memorable experiences for me because my ordinary way of going about the world used to involve a constant stream of thoughts involving doubts, dissatisfaction, fear, and anger. The sense I had of myself during these remarkable times shook my internal faculties and stayed with me. It kept telling me that I had to find ways to 234

repeat them. So I started spreading my joy to everyone around me. This brought happiness to me. I began sharing my thoughts, views and ideas with everyone around me. This gave me a second birth, an awakening and the most powerful tool called new knowledge. Over the next twenty years I learned how to regularly let my awareness settle into a place of simple happiness and joy. I usually did this in meditation. However, I also learned to bring this way of being back into my normal world of living and working. My beloved wife was my greatest asset in my search for happiness but when she passed away I was left with her multiple fond memories as my saviour and search for happiness. I did lament her loss for a while but as she had advised me prior to her death that physical separation should never be an excuse for our worries, sadness and sorrows. We began to act within our own family first. When our elder daughter faced problems we asked her small family to come and live with us. We intervened with tender loving care and experienced great joy in making her life take a turn for the better. She was a fighter always and as such she quickly learnt to recover and believed in her talents and skills to stand on her own feet. We left her to fly away in her own world of happiness. She became our Guru of Joy.

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When our youngest son faced difficulties in his work and family life we brought him under our wings and began to guide him to come out of his predicaments. We found out that he was unsure of the future direction he should take. As he and we talked and talked and talked, I began considering everything I had learned in a new light. I had found my path to happiness by giving without any wish for receiving. He in turn became my closest friend and confidante. This selfless activity enriched me, my ailing wife and our son in need of better future. We began to share the life we had learnt to live. He began to listen to a lot of our guidance in a silent mood because I told him that the word listen has silent inbuilt into it. So our child just started on that path and he has tried not to look back. He found happiness in his work and renewed family life by giving his best and putting his best foot forward. Our first bit of advice to our people and others was obvious. â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;You should do what you are good at and what you like to do. It was the liking what you do part that was the stickler.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; What does one really like to do? We thought, if we can find our right purpose in life, then we would probably like doing what it takes to accomplish that purpose.

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Then, together we all began to realize that, underlying all purposes was our deep-seated desire for happiness. We began to see that if we could find happiness, the rest of our life would pretty much sorts itself out. If happiness is the purpose, then how do we “get happy?” This was obviously the most important question for all of us and after this we began to seek myriad opinions. Still, together we set it as our goal to find out what others have said about finding happiness in life. The more we searched the greater were our findings. The more we found the greater were our happiness. All human beings I believe have the power to be happy. Despite anything that has happened to us, or anything that may happen to us, I think we have the power to be happy. I am not saying we will be happy every second of our life. Bad stuff happens, and we will react with pain, grief, or anger. In fact we should do these in order to be happy. These are immediate but temporary responses that come with being human. Luckily, they usually occupy little time in our life. The rest of the time we can and should be happy. The maxim I developed as a result of all these was to “press on regardless”. That is what I do now when I am faced with any calamity in my life and living.

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Nobody should be a victim of this God given and short life. Nobody’s happiness should be hostage to what happens in life. We all are a free being with the power to choose the way we feel. Therefore we can be happy regardless of anything that happens or does not happen to us, and regardless of the chaos that is in the world or in and around our life. Ours is the power to choose what we think about, what we look at, and what we feel. We have the power to choose how we experience life. This power enables us to find happiness inside us, instead of waiting for life to be perfect. With a little help from us all my children as well as many that we have guided have found joy in their respective lives. In simple terms, we have the power to control our mind, and with this power we can choose to be happy. With all this power at our disposal, our life could easily be Heaven on Earth. I became happier and richer in spirit after all these presentations and giving. Many of our disciples keep saying “If I have this power, why am I not happy? I have been slogging through life for a long time, and I am tired, bored, and unhappy doing it. Why can’t I be happy?” I began looking for answers for these disgruntled people and got some ideas to share with them. The simple reason is that it takes practice. It takes practice to learn to search inside us for happiness instead of constantly chasing after it in the world. 238

We need to do nothing to bring joy into our life. We just need to know what it is and how to stop doing what prevents us from experiencing the happiness that is our birthright. We should be able to inculcate and replant that God given feeling of joy through various channels of humanity. I believe that everyone just wants to be happy and so they are eagerly looking for practices that could help them be happy. It is a fact â&#x20AC;&#x201C; a natural fact of life â&#x20AC;&#x201C; that each one of us has an innate desire to seek happiness and to overcome suffering, so says Dalai Lama and I agree with him absolutely. Our need for happiness is so great that, once we remove the pursuits that aim to give us food, clothe and shelter as well as caring for our children, we do most of what we do to be happy. Many wise people have told us that if we have true happiness, we do not need anything else. This fact is hard to swallow but once we do we find joy easily. Money, material and matter cannot help us find joy but free mind, liberated self and peaceful soul definitely can help. So the wish for happiness is basic to us and we all want it because being happy makes an enormous positive contribution to our life. The benefits are so great that we may find that aiming for happiness is a lot more important than many of the other things we do in life.

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Many people have found that good relationships can make people happy. However, evidence also suggests that happy people are better at establishing good relationships. In my own working life I found that happy people are more successful in life but success does not always make us happy, whereas happiness can make us successful indeed. Then evidence also shows that happy people are healthier, both physically and emotionally. We have seen that happy people live longer, eat together, talk together and enjoy life together. Happy people are more creative. Whereas the people who worry excessively about what they do, it often narrows their focus, while happiness leads to an expansive creative mood. Happiness, by itself, improves nearly every aspect of life. It is the glue that holds a good life together. That glue is not found in any market but within us. I lost many precious things in my life but I did not brood over those losses. Instead I used my creative skills to get out of jail free. I began writing poems, short stories and professional as well as innovative essays to find an outlet for my emotions. These gave me extreme joy when people made their appropriate comments and appreciated my art. In addition to all that I have said and others have confirmed, happiness may be â&#x20AC;&#x153;adaptiveâ&#x20AC;? and this adaptive behaviour helps us perform better in the 240

world. In other words, happy people may be better able to cope with whatever life throws at them. I am now happy because I follow some simple practices in my life. The first thing I have found that deep inside me is an unending element of lasting happiness which is real. This happiness is deep down, satisfying, lasting, and unconditional. This unconditional happiness is not a feeling I get from taking a big bite of something sweet, or enjoying a few drinks with friends and it is definitely not the joy of sex or the thrill of victory. These are mere sensations and can hardly be classed as happiness in life. For me now my happiness is the opportunity to talk to someone who appreciates and understands my feelings and cares for me. This new found company has given me a unique happiness that I have begun to treasure and appreciate. Therefore it is not the temporary rush of feeling when something good happens to me that make me happy. I have discovered that unconditional happiness is not a sensation, and it is not temporary. It does not relate to how I feel right now, or how I feel about something in particular. If I allow it to be, it is my emotional ground of being. This is my first practical endeavour to seek happiness in life. Secondly I have found that unconditional happiness is now natural to me. Whether I experience it or not, 241

it is my ground of being, and the unconditional happiness I feel arises from deep within my unconsciousness. Such happiness does not result from anything I do or am unable to do in life. I have realized that I was born with this happiness. It is my birthright. I now am able to experience it as real happiness. The more I interact positively with family, friends and colleagues, the greater is my happiness. Though it is natural to me, I seem to continue living and growing up believing that lasting happiness comes from what I give to my people around me and not what I do to earn my living. I have begun to experience unconditional happiness by letting go of my self-centred fixation on what I think will make me happy, but this is not easy! I have to train my mind to start looking inward for happiness, not outward. For the most part, what you do in life and what you receive in life provide only conditional happiness and sense pleasures. The real happiness is how we perceive it for our own good and the betterment of the community. Thirdly I have gradually learnt to turn my attention away from my desires for conditional happiness and sense pleasures, and turn it towards unconditional happiness. So now the unconditional happiness seems to lie deep within the unconscious, and must be invited into awareness for me to continually experience it. This is how I control my switch 242

of ultimate joy. I am able to differentiate between my wants and needs. My most pressing desires demand my full attention and prevent me from bringing real happiness into consciousness. To experience unconditional happiness, I needed to learn to turn my attention away from these desires. When I finally achieved this then my attention naturally turned towards unconditional happiness. I have found that most of the time, my self-cantered desires remain unfulfilled and my need to keep what I have is never satisfied because nothing lasts. Focusing on my unfulfilled desires was a great source of unhappiness for me and in addition, the attention that I paid to them robbed me of the ability to move my attention to unconditional happiness. I found the thief that was stealing my happiness. I am not saying that you should not experience sense pleasures and conditional happiness. You should enjoy them throughout your life. However, when you are finished enjoying them, you should not continue to focus on them. When they are here, enjoy them; when they are not here, do not allow your need for them to make you unhappy. My fourth practice was hard but manageable. I learnt to see the truth of happiness in myself through mindfulness and meditation. To shift my 243

attention from self-cantered desire toward unconditional happiness, I first learnt to see the truth of happiness in myself. The way to see the truth of happiness inside of me was through the practice of mindfulness and meditation that I have been taught by my new found love. We try to do our normal exercises and then practice our Yoga. The truth of happiness involves knowing that unconditional happiness is natural to you. This truth also involves knowing that if you let go of your attachment to self-cantered desires for sense pleasures and the conditional happiness of favourable circumstances, unconditional happiness can enter your life. Our Yoga sessions help us get out of these attachments. To see the truth of happiness in yourself, you need to practice both mindfulness and meditation. These are perhaps the most important practices in finding joy in life. Seeing weakens the hold that your selfcantered desires have on your attention. It also shows you where to focus your attention to experience happiness. Then gradually I learnt to let go of my attachment to self-cantered desires through a variety of practices such as acceptance, non-attachment, selflessness, charity, compassion and forgiveness.

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I began to accept the world as it is; I began not to attach myself emotionally to my wants; I learnt that the qualities of selflessness, charity, compassion and forgiveness are human qualities that place more importance on the needs of others rather than my own. Etc

My next practice was to learn to live ethically, which reduced the power of self-cantered desires as well as the guilt and regret that precluded my happiness. For me to live ethically was good for me personally. I developed a very deep belief in the powers of the Supreme Being. God Almighty, who is the only true symbol of love, hope, peace, prosperity and progress, has never let me down. I am with Him and He dwells in me. This is another cause for my happiness. I believed that this situation made me behave and conduct my daily affairs peacefully and ethically and this promoted happiness for me. When I began acting ethically I stopped suffering from all types of disapproval of society, or the self-loathing and stress that came from all types of guilt. Finally I began to choose activities or work that promoted happiness. I believed that my work and family life could either support my efforts to find true happiness or it could prevent me from achieving my objectives in life. Previously too often, what I did at 245

work negatively affected my openness to happiness. When I reacted negatively to what I did on the job, at school or at home, I had to spend much of my leisure time undoing those things. Now I have learnt to let go. However, what I am doing in life cannot and would not be able to give me lastingly happiness but my reactions to what I do could be so overwhelming that they would get in the way of meditation or other practices aimed at finding true happiness. Therefore, I needed to choose work that made space for me to be free and adaptive. Consequently, I realized that I needed work that did not crowd my awareness with so much stress and worry that it prevented me from being happy. So my conclusions while I was an active HR professional were: • That my work did not harm anyone, least of all me; • That my work met my basic psychological needs for feelings of competence, relatedness to others and my autonomy; • That my work focused on goals that were intrinsically meaningful to me; • I began to love the work that I did; • I began to feel that my work represented a purpose or calling in my life; 246

â&#x20AC;˘ My work enabled me to serve other people well; and above all â&#x20AC;˘ My work began to facilitate flow on experiences. Of course, through all these endeavours and practices I naturally had found happiness at last for myself. I do not profess that these ideas of mine would work for anyone looking for happiness without serious concern to find it and treasure it for life. My ideas are for those enlightened seekers of joy who are prepared to shed those long held prejudices and useless baggage. One thing that promoted me to search for this great and needed human feeling was my strong belief in the power, love and blessings of the Supreme Being. I am now a happy human being, no more and no less, fully retired and enjoying what is left of my life. Ganga and I are trying our best to seek and find what true joy is in our residual living. So help us God.

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Chapter Twenty Four

HOW I GOT OUT OF THE DOUBTING CASTLE â&#x20AC;&#x153;Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.â&#x20AC;? William Shakespeare. Although in this life we often feel trapped by doubts and despair, we have the key to freedom if we follow the right path that God Almighty so rightfully and naturally developed for us and bestowed upon us. There is a tendency among us to assume that successful, confident people never have any doubts -- that they are decisive about every choice, never have regrets and always know what to do. But that could not be further from the truth. The fact is, everyone, even the most sanguine leaders, often secondguess themselves. As they climb their personal success ladder, almost certainly they are haunted by indecision. Self-doubt is a very human response to all the challenges life throws our way. Even still, it does not have to stop us from overcoming obstacles and reaching our goals.

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There were a few moments in my life when I found myself doubting how far I could go but then I remembered the messages that my teachers had equipped me with. Our well planned actions will certainly remove all the doubts that theories cannot solve. So I began to look at the distance I had already come and covered in life. Everything good that I had faced, all the little battles I had won as a result of my confident and planned actions and all the fears and worries I had overcome made me get out of the cage of doubt. I no longer lived in a doubting castle but a home of faith and strong belief in myself. I began to survive because the newly ignited fire of faith within me began to burn brighter than the fire of doubt around me. From then onwards I never let any doubts kill my future dreams and visions. Even some of my failures developed strong faith and belief in all my activities. I then knew quite confidently that my faith could move mountains that those doubts were bent on creating. I then was convinced that the worst enemy of creativity and all human activites was self-doubt that I needed to discard from my life. My readings and interactions with colleagues convinced me that there was nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt because it separates a lot of things from our life. It is a 249

poison that disintergrates our living, our friendship and breaks up all our relationships. However, all is not lost because there are many valuable ways for defeating doubts and directing our energy toward more productive types of thinking and acting. Firstly, I acknowledged that everyone has doubts. It was not right for me to believe that I was the only one suffering from a lack of confidence. I did not want to sabotage my success by feeling like an outlier. Secondly, I stopped worrying about what others thought because I felt that when I was spending all my time and energy trying to manage the perception of other people about me I was getting stuck in an inadequacy loop. I knew that there would always be someone who appeared to do better, get further or have more than I did. So I stopped benchmarking myself against the accomplishments and possessions of others. Thirdly, I quickly set my immediate goals. In addition to adopting ambitious, long-term goals I ensured to establish attainable, shortterm objectives. This was because I knew that it was easy to let doubt creep in when the big goals are not immediately realized for me so by achieving smaller goals along the way I managed to constantly bask in frequent wins. 250

Fourthly, I kept on reminding myself of all my prior successes. So when the uncertainty inevitably hit me, instead of dwelling on the negatives I began reflecting on what my recent achievements were and what was going right for me. Thus each achievement became another step along the path toward reaching my bigger goals. I never forgot to give myself full credit for all my triumphs, big or small. The fifth way to overcome my doubt, uncertainty and inadequacies was to surround myself with the right, honest, good and beautiful people. I was told that no person is an island and that saying held a lot of truth for me in my life as well. I started keeping those people who encouraged me closer to me and sought out their continuous feedbacks on a regular basis. I made it sure to distance myself from all such individuals who were always pessimistic toward me, my activities, my business and my future prospects. Then my next move automatically took me to be selective when I read the ideas of some psychologists who advised me to pay more attention to positive feedback than to negative responses. Consequently, I began to take time each day to remember all my accomplishments, even small ones and actively chose to view the world around me in a positive way. I always looked for alternative 251

interpretations of situations and circumstances that did not turn out the way I wanted. Naturally then things began to improve and happen as I wished irrespective of my control and involvement. Of course, I did not for a moment forget the worthy and healthy contributions of the rest of the world. I was mindful of the fact that it could be real hard to separate myself from bad experiences because I might have been doing everything exactly right and yet sometimes things simply would not work out. Therefore I continuously reminded myself of those moments and events when I began to doubt my abilities. Every now and then it became important for me to take a step back and remember that I was not the centre of attraction for the universe and other people also have their goals and achievements, troubles and interpretations of their own situations and circumstances. I had to be part of the people around me. My next step was a bit difficult but I managed it through discipline and control. I did not hinge my personal identity to my instant success. I saw and felt that most people developed an idealistic image of themselves and when they fail to live up to that image at any point in their life then doubts sink in. I also gathered and knew that despite our best 252

efforts and intentions, some definite mistakes do happen but I was convinced that it does not make sense to dwell on them. Instead I learnt from each blunder and gradually but surely and actively developed better habits Then I never forgot to forgive myself because I understood that a sure way to waste my time was by beating myself up and choosing to feel miserable. As a result of this understanding I gave myself permission to move on regardless. I read about a few tests that enlightened me to measure my self-compassion. My scores were fairly satisfactory as could be seen from the report and interpretations of Professor Kristen Neff of University of Texas at Austin. Self-Kindness: 3.60 Self-Judgment: 2.60 Common Humanity: 4.50 Isolation: 2.00 Mindfulness: 3.50 Over-Identification: 3.25 Overall score: 3.63 Average overall self-compassion scores tend to be around 3.0 on the 1-5 scale, so you can interpret your overall score accordingly. As a rough guide, a score of 1-2.5 for your overall self-compassion score indicates you are low in self-compassion, 2.5-3.5 indicates you are 253

moderate, and 3.5-5.0 means you are high. Remember that higher scores for the SelfJudgment, Isolation, and Over-Identification subscales indicate less self-compassion; while lower scores on these dimensions are indicative of more self-compassion (these subscales are automatically reverse-coded when your overall self-compassion score is calculated.) Having done this test I became decisive but tried not to fear a change of mind. Whenever time came to make any decision I tried not to over-expend my energy dithering. Most of the time and in most of the cases, my first gut feeling was probably the right choice, so I made my choice and moved on. However, I was not afraid to change course if down the line I realized that it was not the right choice after all. Initially that seemed like a contradiction but as I progressed I felt it was not. One thing became my future understanding and that was that I became flexible in my views as I was able to acquire more information and gained new knowledge. As far as possible I tried to distract myself from a variety of thoughts and activities. It was all too easy to become overly caught up in negative thoughts and activities which if I left unchecked could spread to all other aspects of my life. So I immediately tried to gradually 254

break the circle. In the process of selfdevelopment I found a few ways to try to exit this self-destructive mental loop such as taking a leisurely walk, moving on to another project or activity or even doing some exercises on the treadmill. I had to do these experiments in order to find techniques that worked best to quell pessimism before it consumed me. Finally, I did not let fear or self-doubt dictate how I was to lead my personal life or operate my business. I made certain that I regularly evaluated the worst-case scenarios as well as the risk-reward ratio and face the things that scared me head-on. I gathered from my reading that people who were afraid to fail never moved forward or grew up well, personally and professionally. The more I pushed myself, the more I realized what I was capable of doing. Eventually I was able to even reverse the negative effects of self-doubt and used it to challenge my limitations and achieve greatness.

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Chapter Twenty Five

SELF-DOUBT HOLDS US BACK FROM GOING AHEAD IN LIFE “The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” ― Sylvia Plath.

After looking at the pros and cons of living a reasonably successful life, I definitely feel that self-doubt can be a troubling and persuasive voice that holds us back. It holds us back from seizing our opportunities. It makes getting started or finishing things harder than they need to be. Surely, it can sometimes be useful as it helps us to soberly see our current limitations or simply recognize a half-baked or bad idea. But mostly, it holds us back in life. So how can we get around that, how can we overcome those times of self-doubt so that we can move forward once again? These questions took me back to my life and try my best to search for some answers so that the next generation does not suffer. First, after I assessed the condition when our inner doubts bubble up, we must be quick to 256

take immediate action. We can not let them spin out of control or grow from a whisper to a stream of discouraging sentences. Instead, we have to sensibly talk back to that doubtful part of us as soon as we practicably can. In our mind, we need to say or shout something like: “No, no, no, we are not going down that road again.” By doing and saying this we can surely disrupt the thought pattern and stop that inner self-doubter from taking over our life. Secondly, we must look to the past and awash us in the memories. Be real with ourselves and clearly ask ourselves: ‘How many times when I doubted myself or feared something would happen did that negative thing come into reality after I still took action?’ The answer for us is not very easy often at all. Selfdoubts are most often just monsters in our head that our mind may use to keep us from making changes and to keep us within the comfort zone. If we look to the past and see how well things have gone many times despite those self-doubts then it would become easier to let go of them or to ignore them and to focus on the more likely positive outcome and to take action. Thirdly, if I were in the arena of self-doubt I would talk to someone wiser than us about it. It is believed that when we keep our thoughts 257

on the inside they can become distorted, exaggerated and not very much in line with reality or reasonable expectations. This is very much true when it comes to self-doubting thoughts. So we have to let them out into the light. Talk to someone close to us about our self-doubts. Just letting them out and saying them out loud can often help us to hear how exaggerated these thoughts have become. By talking about those doubts with someone that is supportive of us can get a change in perspective. Then it would never be wise to get stuck in the comparison trap. If we compare ourselves to other people all too often, to their successes and especially to their high-light reels that they share on social media then self-doubt can quickly creep up. A better way to go about things is to compare ourselves to our own conditions to see how far we have come, to see what and how we have overcome and to see how we have kept going, succeeding and growing up as a human being. The next wise thing to do is to start keeping a journal. Keeping a journal can be a helpful habit for many reasons. When it comes to selfdoubts it can really help us to: ď&#x201A;ˇ Keep a realistic record of our life and help us to remember the positive things, 258

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the successes we have had and how we have overcome obstacles if we are prone to remembering things with a negative slant. Gain clarity more easily. It is often easier to alleviate fears and doubts and to gain clarity if we have an issue laid out on paper or in a computer document rather than if we try to go through it all in our mind.

By making lists of pros and cons, going through our thoughts and emotions and similar events from the past and by writing down different perspectives on the issue it becomes easier to find solutions and to see our challenges in a clearer and more levelheaded way. Of course, it is good to remember that most people do not care that much about what we do or say. When we worry about what others may think or say and if we do something then the self-doubt can quickly become stronger and we get stuck in inaction and in fear. When that happens we have to remind ourselves constantly about the truth that people by and large do not really care that much about what we do or not do. They have their hands full with thinking about themselves, their kids and pets, jobs and upcoming sports matches and 259

with worrying about what people may think of them. Be mindful of what someone said or did might not be about us at all. When someone criticizes us then it seems easy to start doubting ourselves. When someone rejects us and we do not get a chance to respond appropriately then we begin to get deeper into our self-doubting castle. The truth is that we do not know everything that is going on in the life of another person. We must be mindful that the world does not revolve around us. So be careful not to misinterpret and build blame and doubt within without any reason. As has been said by many wise people on this topic that It is always helpful to get a boost of optimism by letting someone elseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s enthusiasm, motivation and constructive optimism flow over to us by reading specific articles on the subject. This quick relocation of our hearts and minds can greatly help us to shift our self-doubts into optimism and into thinking constructively about our challenge that lie ahead of us. Whenever we have a setback then we may start to see things through a negative and dark lens. We might see this current setback as something that will simply be our new normal. This way of looking at things can trap us in thinking that there is no point in continuing to take action. So instead of this 260

we have to remember that we are a failure just because we failed. Setbacks happen to everyone who take chances. It is simply a part of living life fully. Sometimes things go well and sometimes they do not. So let us learn to make a failure into this huge thing or into our identity. Let us ask ourselves this vital question: â&#x20AC;&#x153;What is one thing we can learn from this setback? Use the mistake or failure to our advantage and to move forward once again in smarter way. If we, for instance, often get self-doubt before a presentation in school, university or at work then let us sharpen our presentation skills and then read a few books about it and practice at home in front of a mirror or in front of a friend. Or join Toastmasters, Rotary Club or any other such inspirational group to get the experience or knowledge that is needed. Then only we would be able to feel more confident, competent and relaxed in such situations. A common way to handle self-doubt is to get angry at ourselves and act on our lack of motion then try to beat ourselves up as a way to get us to move forward. If all that does not help then wise people have found that being kind and constructive when feeling and dealing about self-doubt is a better choice. So 261

let us use kind and understanding words towards ourselves but also ask ourselves a few more relevant questions: â&#x20AC;&#x153;What is one very small step we can take to move forward in this situation?â&#x20AC;? Then we should take that very small step and start to step by step move towards where we want to go. When we have taken that one small but important step forward and are done with it then we have a win. It may be a small one but it should still be a solid win to celebrate it. Let us then have a tasty snack or our favourite food for breakfast, lunch and dinner, spend some time on our favourite hobby or buy ourselves something we have wanted for a long time. This will renew and recharge our motivation and make taking action feel more exciting and fun. That would push self-doubts aside so that we can keep moving ahead in life and get a lot more, smaller and bigger wins. In trying to plan well our every move we would be able to make on a rewarding journey towards a goal or dream thus curing that dreadful disease called self-doubt. Of course, if this does not work then accept the fact that the sometimes even the best laid plans start to fall apart a bit or need some necessary changes when they are confronted with reality. So it is advisable to do a bit of rough planning and then start our journey. We can always 262

course-correct along the way towards what we want. Empowered by the new knowledge, experience and feedback we would be able to get there as long as we keep going on that path with confidence. It is normal that on our journey we run into many cross roads and need to make a decision on which direction to head. There is no safe road in life and our journey is the sum of all the roads we travel and decisions we make. Some psychologists think that this is when we fear taking a wrong turn may ruin everything and it is this doubt that can paralyse us into not making a decision at all. Everyone experiences this situation at some point in their life; however it is with total commitment and confidence that we keep moving forward when faced with doubt. We all have dreams, and our dreams can sometimes start to fade as we get challenged by unexpected situations of our life but for most of us our dreams almost never disappear. One is never too old to dream or create a new dream. Our daily lives are constantly saturated with thoughts. These are our thoughts of the future, thoughts of the past, and thoughts of the present. We all would like to recognise these thoughts to try and uncover what the next move should be. 263

To know whether we are at a right and proper place, have our dream job, chosen the right partner, a safe place to live or maybe even better friendships we need to get rid of all existing self-doubts from our minds. We all have doubts in our minds and would love nothing more than the voice in ours heads to distinguish itself as the voice of intuition and whisper to us what our next move should be but what happens when we fail to recognise our own intuition? What happens when we start to doubt our knowledge? Or when you start to doubt our faith? It is here that we must remember that it is normal to experience speed bumps, hiccups and sometimes even train wrecks in life so let us not be troubled by this. This is an opportunity to learn, grow and build confidence in us. If we do not take the steering wheels of life and dare to try we would certainly deny ourselves some of the greatest experiences and lessons of life. One of the biggest triggers of doubt is undoubtedly fear. Fear makes us doubt ourselves, and when we live in fear we start to doubt ourselves even more and this situation causes more fear. Until you reach a stand still and analyse that paralysis, then the fear of making a decision becomes too great because of the doubt we have in our own decision 264

making. This is a very dangerous cycle and in theory this may sound easy to comprehend but the solution is obvious hard because when faced with doubt it is not always so clear what the next best move should be. Let us revise and consolidate our points to accept that faith helps us remove all doubt. Once we have and develop a vision of what we want and have faith in it, this would certainly give us the needed faith and strength to get there. Faith is a commitment and if we are not able to have and maintain the desire in our goals and if we did not have the ability to achieve it then we have lost to conquer our self-doubt. Some scriptures reveal that doubt could only be removed by action so we should always do something. The only wrong choice is not making a choice. As Martin Luther King once said, “If you can’t fly, then run. If you can’t run then walk. If you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.” or as Albert Einstein said, “Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you have to keep moving.” Always choose an action because any action, even the wrong one will help you grow. We cannot make a profitable investment in self-doubt because our over-thinking would 265

never be able to solve any problems. Sometimes when we move away from the fog of a situation we can see it from a better position. So take a step back and look at the situation from a different perspective and we will find the required answer. Then we will win if we make our decisions from a position of love. Before making a decision practice taking ten deep breaths. Physiologically this will increase the oxygen in your body to help you relaxed, feel more peaceful and gain more clarity. John Lennon made an apt remark once by saying that there are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. All hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open hearted vision of people who embrace life. Those of us who are not afraid to fail get the taste of success sooner than the others. So is it best to stretch outside of our comfort zone. If a fisherman casts his line multiple times to try and catch a fish but only catches one on his final cast, we conclude that he has failed 266

many times but we fail to accept that he is still successful in his endeavour. Often the truth in life is that we have to let go of some people, change our job, change where we live, isolate ourselves in order to understand ourselves better and trust our gut that we are doing the right thing. Sometimes we would out grow people, sometimes we would out grow places, and sometimes we would out grow situations that keep repeating but one thing is certain that we cannot be scared to clear our vision and make a move to get rid of our self-doubt if we want to be successful in life. An unknown soldier of self-doubt has said that we have to believe in ourselves, in our abilities, in our service, in our company and in our ideas unquestionably and we have to have faith which ultimately gives us prosperity, peace, patience and progress. The fact is that life is a wonderful adventure of rich experiences, but life does not last. It passes, and doubt paralyses our ability to move, and then when we stop moving, all the precious moments that we could live in that moment disappear. So as we continue on with our destination let us feel free to throw away the fear and make a valued decision anyway. We are the experienced captain of our own destiny to get rid of any self-doubt. 267

Chapter Twenty Six

MY STRENGTH AND WEAKNESSES There were a few very painful moments in my life that changed my entire world in a matter of minutes but these moments also gave me added strength to move on with greater determination and courage. Of course, those painful and doubtful moments definitely made me stronger, smarter and in most ways even kinder. One thing remained with me always and that was my determination not to despair and go to become someone that I was not. I screamed and even I cried but then I managed to straighten out my head and kept moving with added vigour. I gathered from my experiences that all my strengths were my following through with all my dreams even though I keep experiencing some bumps along the way. My true strength was hidden somewhere in my soul and spirit and not in my muscles and I needed to find out and extract it to my advantage. I realized that a flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it but it just keeps on blooming. So did I. 268

I soon realized and gathered that my life had, like that of other human beings, multiple ways of testing my will to go one regardless. There came times and moments when either nothing happened at all or everything happened at once. I gathered and improved my strengths and courage when nothing happened but when everything was happening at once I used my gathered and improved strengths and courage to manage these deteriorating situations. I did not give up but kept managing my life as a man of steel. There were moments when I found myself uncertain about how to handle the circumstances but then I gathered my wits and remembered how far I had already come, every odd things I had faced but overcome, a few hard battles I fought and won and the greatest of them were my fears that I had turned into my confidence, calmness and faith. This made me believe that the real opposite of fear was courage and while I was growing up my father continuously stressed the benefits of being brave by reminding me that courage was not only not being fearful but overcoming all the fear around me. After this I culled out my own meaning of the opposite of fear which for me was my safety and the security of my family, friends and faith within myself. Consequently, I began 269

preaching and practising real security and safety and wanted to be safe and secure to feel stressed out, to be imperfect, to solve marriage, parenting and social problems. I wanted to be safe and secure from the feeling that I did not have enough to live well and be safe and secure to admit my failures, struggles, sins and any possible addictions. This feeling of safety and security enabled me to live a well-planned family life. All my strengths came from my positive stance and struggles because when I learnt to positively see my struggles as my opportunities to become stronger, better, wiser and calmer then my thinking shifted from “I cannot do it” to “I can and must do it”. There were occasions when I did not recognize my strengths until I came face to face with my greatest weaknesses. I then began to sail safely and securely in the vast ocean of life and living. I made a point that I did not change so that people around me liked me but I managed to be myself and then the right and faithful friends began to help, like and support the real me. It became clear to me that if someone truly liked me, they would not make me feel like I needed to constantly fight for their attention. So for this little fighter soon things became brighter. I began to survive in this 270

competitive world because the fire of struggle and inspiration inside me began burning brighter than the fire around me. Gradually I became the type of man who would sat in my bathroom to mourn, cry and lament but then when I walked out in the world of competition I made it certain that I had all my needed strength and nothing odd ever happened to me. All my weaknesses vanished. I then realized that all my strength did not come from what I could do but they came from overcoming the things that I once thought I could not do. Then I became sure that a strong person is not the one who does not cry but the one who cries and sheds tears for a moment then gets up and fights again. My grandfather told me that I was given this life because I was strong enough to live it the way I wished and planned it. So I stayed positive even when at times it felt like that my life was falling apart. That is where my real strengths were in order to overcome my weaknesses. Therefore I became fearless in all my pursuits that set my soul on fire. Consequently, in the end some of my greatest pains, sorrows and worries became my greatest strengths. I was often told by my elders that strength did not come from winning but our struggles 271

gradually developed our strengths. When I got ready to go through all my hardships and decided not to surrender, that became my strength. From early in my life I was trained not to pray for an easy life but pray to the Lord who gave me this life for more strength to endure all difficult situations. I did not want to become Bruce Lee but wanted to be strong enough to lead a balanced family life. Thus my strengths and growth began coming to me through my continuous efforts and struggles. I thank my children and their mother who convinced me to accept what is and make it sure to let go what was because this strategy would let me have faith in whatever will be. They made me believe that my strengths would come from lifting myself up when I thought that I was down. From then onwards I never apologised for being sensitive or emotional but let everyone know that I had a big heart and was not afraid to let others see it because I believed that showing my emotions was a true sign of my strength. Gradually I ascertained that my strength was the product of all my struggles and I should do what others do not in order to achieve what other would not. For me all my difficulties were meant to rouse but never to discourage me thus I was inspired to have that sort of human spirit that would make me grow 272

stronger by conflict. I was motivated to be strong because I was convinced that things would get better. A bit of stormy weather might affect me now but I knew that it never rains or storms forever. Then some of my more intelligent colleagues told me that worrying did not ever empty our tomorrow of its troubles but unfortunately it empties our today of a lot of its strengths. So I placed an imaginary plaque in front of me to constantly remind me that my ability was what I was capable of doing, my motivation determined what I did and my attitude determined how well I performed all my given tasks. I knew that I had brains in my head, I had two strong hands and two equally powerful feet therefore I could steer myself in any direction I intended to choose. I then became the preacher and promoter of the maxim that said that the strongest person was not the one who showed his strength to everyone but he kept winning some of the battles of his life. Then I was convinced that when I could narrate my story about my strengths and weaknesses without any fear, reservation and doubts I was healed and ready to keep moving forward.

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Chapter Twenty Seven

ATTITUDE MAKES US MOVE WELL IN LIFE We have very often heard people saying that Attitude is how one shapes his or her life. Now what exactly is Attitude? Attitude is basically how one assesses on factors like people, objects, issues or events. They could either be positive or negative, that depends on how one views the situation. Based on researches, it has been understood that there are several components that makes up a persons attitude. The components could be like for example, an emotional component where based on your emotions is how a situation or person is being valued. Another component is the cognitive component where in it is based on your thoughts and believes of the subject. And the last component is the behavioural component and this is one important component as it influences our behaviour. Attitudes that influence or behaviours that could make a difference could include the explicit and implicit. Explicit attitudes are those that we are constantly aware of and they influence our thoughts and beliefs. The Implicit attitudes 274

are something that affect us unconsciously, but could also influence our behaviour. Attitudes get formed from experience. They are formed over the years either from observation or from experience. They can be learned in a variety of ways. Even a simple advertisement could influence you and may even have a change on your thoughts about a particular product. This kind of attitude formation is known as classical conditioning. Another kind of conditioning is the Operant Conditioning where the attitude develops from other peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s thinking. Sometimes people around us could make an impact on our behaviour and change ourselves. And finally attitudes could be developed by observing people around us. A simple example of this kind of attitude development is, kids trying to be what their parents are. This is just observation and imitation, that develops into an attitude later. Attitude does influence ones behaviour. Studies have shown that people behave according to their attitude under certain conditions. Condition like when expecting a favourable outcome, due to personal experience are some of the examples. Attitudes could be changed. Attitudes do impact our behaviour, but they are not imposed on stone within us. They could be changed for betterment. 275

Attitudes could be changed in two ways. Either they get motivated or they get influenced. In both the ways they do think about the messages that they have observed and this could mark a difference in their way of thinking. Scenarios in life could be made good or worse, based on ones attitude to the situation. Even if you are in a very bad situation, and you hold a positive attitude, you may come out, however even if you are in a moderate situation and you hold a negative attitude, you could worsen the situation and create discomfort not only for you, but for people around you. In short, Attitude is like magnet. Possessing good Attitude attracts all positives in your life and Bad Attitude attracts all negatives in your life. It is you who decides what you want and could change accordingly. After all, attitude Matters! Then let us assess, â&#x20AC;&#x153;what is really the essence of the word attitude?â&#x20AC;? Attitude is the very gist of an individual's way of thinking; it is an individual's ideals, his concepts of right and wrong, and all his/her aspirations. In a nutshell, attitude can be defined as the totality of the individual himself. Man is, I'd say, what his attitude is. His thinking, his 276

views, his likes, and dislikes are all enveloped in the single word i.e. 'attitude'. The next point for us to understand and discover how these attitudes grow in an individual; are they inborn or are they a later growth in man's life. To this question, the answer is that, yes, some aspects of an individual's attitude are inborn, inherited and taken in due to his/her circumstances. This is because what an individual grows with, has got to have an influence on his life's pattern and his personal thinking, which account for his attitude. However, as he grows, and comes out of his shell out of his very personal circumstances, and develops his own attitudes to several things. Though at this stage of his being a grown up person, some changes may occur according to the needs of the times, but his basic thinking and attitude remains the same as he got during the grooming stage of his life. Thus, though some minor changes do occur in adulthood, the basics that he grew with never change in depth. We often say that, attitude makes a man - yes, once an attitude has developed, it is there to stay, and it plays a very important role in moulding that human being. Once the attitude of an individual is happy and wholesome, he 277

or she continues to grow with this attitude and live with it. Living with this happy attitude makes him/her a better person, and then keeps on improving as an individual. All these happen maybe because of the healthy and happy attitude in people. The attitude persists and becomes more and more pleasant element with the passage of time. If his attitude is healthy, it will radiate towards us only and make us better and better. Thus the environment changes the attitude of a person and then that person is made by this attitude. In the same way, if the attitude of an individual is one of continued resentment towards all that is his and is around him, this attitude will also radiate towards him only, and continue to make him a worse and worse individual. This effect of attitude on the individuals is a continuous process and keeps moulding the individual for the better or for the worse. It serves just as a vicious circle, the good become better with a good attitude, and the bad and the unhappy become worse and unhappy with their respective attitudes to life and all there is in it.

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Thus, when we realize that attitude of a person has such a deep impact on his personality we must try to have a straight, honest, and healthy attitude towards everything and everybody around us. If we do so, we will be able to appreciate our surroundings and get appreciation in return. It is our attitude to life and all there is in it that makes us happy or unhappy, pleasant or unpleasant, even wanted or unwanted in the society. It is for us to try to develop a healthy attitude and be easy and comfortable with life and all that it has to offer. If we learn to take life as it comes, with a smile there will be no cause to be unhappy at any stage of life. One of the most important steps we can take toward achieving our greatest potential in life is to learn to monitor our attitude and its impact on our work performance, relationships and everyone around us. When I was a training director I generally started my workshops and seminars by asking the participants a fundamental question: â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;What attitude did you bring into this meeting?â&#x20AC;&#x2122; Often this brought some puzzled looks. In truth, people generally do not have a high level of attitude awareness. They will know if they are hungry or if their feet hurt, but they usually do not have a good handle on 279

their attitude. That is a mistake because attitude is everything. It governs the way you perceive the world and the way the world perceives you. We all have a choice. We can choose an inner dialogue of self-encouragement and selfmotivation, or we can choose one of self-defeat and self-pity. It is a power we all have. Each of us encounters hard times, hurt feelings, heartache, and physical and emotional pain. The key is to realize that it is not what happens to you that matters; it is how you choose to respond to these aspects. Our mind is a computer that can be programmed. We can choose whether the software installed is productive or unproductive. Our inner dialogue is the software that programs our attitude, which determines how we present ourself to the world around us. We have control over the programming. Whatever we put into it is reflected in what comes out. Many of us have behaviour patterns today that were programmed into our brains at a very tender age. The information that was recorded by our brains could have been completely inaccurate or cruel. The sad reality of life is that we will continue to hear negative 280

information, but we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to program it into our brains. The loudest and most influential voice we often hear is our own inner voice, our self critic. It can work for or against us, depending on the messages we allow. It can be optimistic or pessimistic. It can wear us down or cheer us up. When we learn to control the sender and the receiver and consciously take responsibility for and control over our inner conversation that we can manage our attitude well. One more thing has to be said as the very last point on this subject. Habitual bad attitudes are often the product of past experiences and events. Common causes include low selfesteem, stress, fear, resentment, anger and an inability to handle change. It takes serious work to examine the roots of a harmful attitude, but the rewards of ridding ourselves of this heavy baggage can last a lifetime.

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Chapter Twenty Eight

Sources of My Early Inspiration As a child I was being prepared and growing up to face the world by my parents, teachers and colleagues. My life really began when I reached the end of my comfort zone at around twelve. I wanted to be myself no matter what other people thought because I was convinced that God made me the way I was for a specific reason. Besides this internal feeling my grandfather convinced me that an original was always worth more than a copy. I was given some awesome ideas by my colleagues who made me believe that it could feel scary to create space in my life but it was absolutely necessary especially when I wanted to attract new people, additional opportunities and experiences. Sometime it felt like I I was letting go of too much or that I would be left in the openness that was created but I found that it was gradually filled with new and amazing people and experiences in no time at all. Very early in my life as a student whenever I stood before God I realized that there were 282

many types of pain and pleasure in life. There were a few that hurt me and made me disheartened whereas there were many others that kept challenging, inspiring and motivating me. I remember the poverty that we faced when I was growing but my parents worked hard to overcome everything and prevail as excellent farmers who were eager to let me go on a worthy discovery through indoctrination of various types. I know I sometimes got knocked down by individuals and circumstances much lower than I had ever been but then it was my grandfather who inspired and enthused me to stand back up much taller than I ever was to face the future with greater confidence. I never regretted these motivational stances of my elders. In fact I was ready to do something everyday that my past and future generations would thank me for but more importantly would learn from me. This feeling inspired me to become a teacher and I was convinced by my parents that today was all that I had and it was all that I needed to build my future. I stopped talking and worrying about my problems because my younger brother told me that it could become my greatest addiction so I broke that bad habit and began talking about my joys. My spare time became my greatest asset and that decided who I met and interacted with in order to broaden my 283

knowledge, talents and skills. Then I let my heart decide who I wanted in my life and for what reason. Consequently I began to conduct myself and behave appropriately which began to decide who stayed in my company to assist me with my peace, progress and prosperity. As a result of the company I began keeping and my various formal and informal educators that I soon assessed and estimated the strength of association, touch, smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment and the smallest act of tender loving care, all of which had the greatest potential to help me tremendously to turn my life around. From then onwards in my life I did not expect much from anyone because for me expectation when not fulfilled gave a lot of pain and so when I got anything without expecting it, it gave me a lot of pleasure. I learnt to keep doing my part and left the rest to God and my endeavours. When I gained entrance to one of the best secondary schools in Fiji at that time I honestly felt that my life was about trusting my feelings, taking chances, finding happiness, learning from my past and present experiences and above all realizing that nothing in the world was constant because everything kept changing. My teachers made me believe that behind every successful person there were a few unsuccessful 284

moments that gave us reason to propel ahead. So I knew that failures would never overtake me if my determination to succeed was strong enough. Then my extensive reading and interactions with brilliant colleagues made me feel that often in life a lot of situations and circumstances will keep repeating themselves until some good outcomes can be seen and worthy lessons could be learnt. I gathered that the way I used my tongue could make or break my journey of life and from then onwards I began using this vital part of my body carefully in manipulating my words for everyone around me. It was at this stage of my life that I was introduced to Bhagavad Gita by my grandfather. Of special interest to me at that time was Verse 57 of Chapter two which read â&#x20AC;&#x153;In the material world, one who is unaffected by whatever good or evil he may obtain, neither praising it nor despising it, is firmly fixed in perfect knowledge.â&#x20AC;? I gathered from this that there would always be some upheaval in the material world which may be good or evil but I did not have to be agitated by such material upheavals and remain unaffected by leaving my life in the divine hands of Almighty God. God never failed me 285

because I had developed a very solid and sound attachment with Him. From then onwards whenever I stood before God in the beginning and at the end of the day or any other time I promised myself and assured God Almighty that I would use every bit of the talents that He would provide me. That became my inspiration to keep getting the divine blessings and using all my talents that were bestowed on me. I tried never to let myself, my parents and God down all throughout my life. The more I received the more I was able to give and this was my comfort and satisfaction in life.

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Chapter Twenty Nine MY REPENTANCE “Chronic remorse, as all the moralists are agreed, is a most undesirable sentiment. If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time. On no account brood over your wrongdoing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean.” ― Aldous Huxley, Brave New World. I believe that people are born to sin and what really matters most for us is not that we make errors but it is the benefit that we are able to derive out of our mistakes that we become capable of sincere repentance and of genuine contrition. I am also of the belief that nothing would be able to erase our past but to live our life with joy there are various proactive stance that we could take. If we have conducted repentance, atonement and forgiveness then that is all and enough to lead a happy life.

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I woke up this morning and was not afraid any more to admit everything that I saw wrong with and within myself. My deep and sincere faith and belief in God and His blessings as well as love made me confident that his mercy would prevail to guide me to enjoy whatever is left of my life. R is for Ram and that is the name my parents ordained me with when I was born some eighty years ago in a small village of Fiji. I have arisen and awoken for repentance with the following mighty words: realize, regret, resolve, reveal, restitution, release and receive. It is the real human realization that makes a person regret in order to resolve, reveal, conduct restitution to release internal emotions and receive forgiveness. Today I wish to do some of these in order to bring some peace into my life. Repentance is to turn away from wrong-doing and sin but to begin to completely follow honest, good and beautiful living. To repent for me is to change the direction on my life. I have decided this on my eightieth birthday. It is late but better than never. Repentance may be oldfashion but it is not outdated so long as we have committed some sins in our life. I believe that an honest person is the one who feels repentance for all the sins he did in the 288

past but is determined to resurrect from all wrong-doings in the future. To truly repent is to change ones attitude toward self, sin and God therefore then I decided to repent and turn to God a little more than usual. This was so that all my sins may be forgiven and wiped out gradually and the time for refreshing my life comes faster from Almighty God. I think that repentance is the act of exchanging the things that have held me captive for years for the truth that would set me free to live, pray and serve. I believe that grace is Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s best idea because rather than tell me to change; He creates the change for me to clean up my acts and accept me as a faithful devotee. That is all I wish for in my old age. True repentance for me is about my total transformation not any torture or torment. So of all acts of a person like me, repentance becomes the most divine and the greatest of all faults is to be conscious of none. Consequently, repentance is a renewed lifestyle and not a one time event for me because true repentance is really a change of behaviour and conduct. Our scriptures tell us that if we confess our sins then God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. There is no anger or disturbance in my mind for this act of mine 289

because it is also said that anger begins with folly and ends with repentance. I am not going to be like the person who repents yet never reforms because I do not want to resemble a person who is travelling in that dangerous path where he frequently starts and stops but never turns back. For me all forgiveness means that the problems of the past no longer dictate my destinies and I can focus on the future with Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s love in my heart and soul. I am mindful of the fact that the best of sinners are those who have decided to repent. My decision to follow this path in my life is all because for me repentance is the key with which I can unlock the prison from inside. I am eager to hold that key in my hands and use it to my advantage. Then I have decided to repent and turn more to God so that my sins may be wiped out and the fresh times of refreshing moments may come from the Lord. I am totally happy with whatever I have been given by God and I thank God for His help in my pursuit for what I want in the future. I have never prayed to God to grant me anything more than what He has dished out for me but my prayers are always to sincerely thank Him for all that He has given me, done for me, is doing for me and will do for me in 290

the future. I found that the keys to my happiness in life have been many but the three important ones were being grateful to God Almighty when I was loved and blessed, being patient and being able to repent to ask for forgiveness for my sins. I have known that some people around me hated the word repent and were arrogant enough not to indulge in that process of salvation and reconciliation but I also am mindful that those who have passed away would certainly be wishing to have a second chance in life so that they too could repent. As I know it, repentance is basically not moaning and remorse but taking a definite turn in life towards a genuine change. This word repentance is the true turning of our life to the Lord Almighty. It is a turning point in life that arises from a pure, genuine and earnest love and belief in Him. I have never believed that true repentance is just saying, “I am sorry.” But it is saying, “I am sorry and I will never, ever do that again because my relationship with You means a lot more to me than anything.” So this then became my prayer of repentance: “Lord, You are in my heart and soul and know that there is nothing to hide from You. I have strayed from the given path of 291

humanity and I have been lured away by illusions but O Heavenly Father, please restore to me that joy of Your salvation, that wonderful freedom and that peaceful moment when I first came to know You. I thank you for all Your Blessings and Love.â&#x20AC;? My prayer makes me believe and feel that repentance is good for my soul because it apologizes for anything I have inadvertently and mistakenly done to hurt someone else. My or anyone elseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s repentance would not mean anything if we keep doing what we have been sorry for. I believe that without repentance there is no real and useful progress or improvement in life. I would be foolish to pretend that there was no sin in my past life and that thought would not lessen my burden and pain because suffering for sin would never by itself change anything for the better. Only genuine repentance leads to the sunlit uplands of a better life. Repentance I know was not when I suffered, I cried or was in pain but it was the process that evolved when I genuinely wanted to change for the better life. For me the ABC of repentance came to me when I learnt to admit, be sorry, confessed my wrong-doings and did not want to do those things again. As a result of my awakening I began to keep my eyes on 292

my dreams however distant and far away they were. I began to live to see the miracles of repentance and forgiveness, of trust, faith and divine love that was going to transform my life today, tomorrow and forever. Then I remembered the wise words of my father who had once told me that a single teardrop begging for the forgiveness of God with sincerity would definitely wipe out many of my sins because the Almighty God loves to forgive. My father had asked me not to hesitate but repent and now I have woken up to his wise advice. It is better late than never. My thoughts in the past that I might in time of extreme trouble and calamity felt that I was not worth living and saving my existence because I had made many mistakes, did some big or little sins and I was lost but that was never true. A real realization came to me that only repentance could properly heal what were hurting me most, no matter what they were. Then I realized that repentance was like an antiseptic gel that we poured onto our wound. At first it stings but then it heals. During my university days in the United Kingdom I used to regularly attend Sunday prayer meetings in Church and it was there that I was told that the one who repents from all his sins he is like the one who has never 293

sinned. It took me a long while to wake me up to take the necessary action but I am happy that I am able to take this vital step in my life to acknowledge the wrong-doings, to willingly confess the wrong deeds, to abandon them and make the needed restitution of my life. I know that it was bad when I failed morally but now I feel it was worse when I did not repent any earlier in life. I did so willingly because of the belief that repentance is Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wish for our spiritual growth and at this age I think this is the best action I have taken. I could not have continued with my life unless I was able to repent of my old wrong deeds because genuine repentance has granted me the seal of this corrected life. I do not assess myself saintly but an ideal human being and consequently I feel that repentance is my greatest effort and the biggest punishment that I have accepted. I have not only said that I regret and apologise but I have owned the offences I made and confessed to turn away from them and be forgiven by God. There were times during my life when my dignity was mocked at, I was abused even compromised and toyed with or lowered or badmouthed but the dignity that I preserved so respectfully could never be taken away from 294

me. Despite my mistakes and sins I have had the power to reset my boundaries, restore my image, start fresh with renewed values and rebuild what has happened to me in the past. All these were possible because I ventured to repent and ask God for forgiveness. I needed to take this action of repentance by not going to anybody to confess but myself and my God in order to free myself from the obsession of thoughts of the errors of judgement I made. I knew that I had fallen many times during my life and it was absolutely necessary to reveal everything through confession to God. Thus it became a renewal for my life and it meant that I was able to free myself from all negative traits and as far as possible I turned toward truth, beauty and goodness. I firmly believe that my sins have been forgiven because of my genuine repentance but I also know that many arrogant people would laugh at my actions. I am not worried because I am happily married, living a life which is full of pleasure, enjoying every moments of life because God Almighty is kind enough to bless me and love me and above all since my home and heart are my greatest temple I have been forgiven for all my trespasses. 295

Chapter Thirty

DAYS OF OUR LIFE Our live on this earth is a gift from God so when we wake up every morning, go to sleep at night and whatever we do in the day we must realize this given truth. It is believed that many things in our life are temporary, therefore if things are going good for us we should enjoy every moment of it to the fullest because they would not last forever. On the other hand, if on some days things are not going well and we are feeling bad then let us not worry too much about that because they too would not last forever. In the words of my ancestors whenever things are not adding up in our life then let us start subtracting them gradually to reduce the adverse impact of those moments. They said that every day of our life may not be all good but there are a lot of good moments in every day. So whether we have good or bad days we must learn to keep smiling because we have a lot to be thankful to the kind and generous blessings of the God Almighty.

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Therefore, I am always thankful to the Lord for what I am now and keep praying to be better and what I want to be tomorrow and in the future. I am mindful that I always have a choice to be happy and I am learning to understand the purpose of bumps in my life. It is from these bumps and the ups and downs that I try to grow and stay positive. Consequently, I have come to realize that I have to keep striving through some of those bad days to get and earn the best days in my life. I therefore do things that feed my soul and not my ego to be happy. So I know that to depend on the mercy of the Lord is not any kind of weakness on my part but it is leading me to acknowledge His as well as my own strength. On particularly rough and stormy days when I am sure I cannot possibly endure, I then like to constantly remind myself that I have a reasonably good track record of getting through all those bad and ugly days. This positive stance gives me good feeling to keep moving ahead. I have been trained to never regret a day in my life because my good days have always given me happiness whereas some of those bad days have given me experience and the worst days have provided me with great lessons but the best days, thank the Lord, have given me memories to enjoy and treasure. 297

Since all the good times are my treasured memories I ensure that all the bad times provide me with some valuable lessons. I now think that if I did not have some of those bad days I would not have learnt to appreciate the so many good days of my life. These comprehensions reveal that the only difference between a good day and a bad day is my attitude. So good days or bad days I find that God is with me in all those days. I know that I had to work hard and even fight some of the bad days to earn many of the best days of my life. I now fully comprehend that I am not given a good life or a bad life but I am given a life and it is entirely up to me to make it good, acceptable, bad or ugly. I accept that good days and bad days are just a part of my life so I have learnt to accept them and stay positive to be happy always. I always try my best to think and remember that there is something good coming for me in my life. So I have convinced myself to keep breathing as usual because it is just a bad day and not a bad life. As a result all my mornings, evenings and days are becoming better because I constantly talk to the Lord first before doing anything. I now believe that some days are just bad days and that is all to it. I have to experience this sadness to know what is happiness so I keep 298

reminding myself that not every day is going to be a good one because that is just the way it is in this world. I have to be generous, kind, reasonable, forgiving, loving, big-hearted and most of all be grateful for each and every blessings of the Lord as well as my people. So if I ever face some bad days I do not beat or curse myself over them but I make certain that I never let any of them send me spiralling out of control. I grab my jogging shoes to get back into them and start walking briskly measuring the streets in the area because this has in the years improved my health as well as my happiness. That is how I become who I choose to be. That is one of the reasons why I have had many of those good days but life was not all that easy because I too had some gradual or even steep hills to climb. Of course, I have had some weary days as well as some sleepless nights but when I looked around carefully I began to think things over to evaluate that all my good days outweighed many of my bad days. Now I do not and would not complain because there is none other than myself to listen to my complaints and find workable solutions. Now I am convinced that my best days are yet to come. Having said and written all the above I am convinced that once in a while, amidst all my 299

bad days, I have had many good and beautiful days. There were even some great days and I make sure to remember those days and keep them safely somewhere near me because I know that there would be many more better days in my life to make me feel and remember how I felt all warm and cosy inside on those days. I felt like I just had a glass of the best red wine or hot chocolate that ignited a small fire inside me. I try hold on to these great days and never let them go. I am never away from that belief that we all have good days and bad days and those things around us are constantly changing. Some of these or maybe many of those are for the better whereas some are not but what remains important for us is to keep a positive attitude and stance as much as possible through those rough and stormy times of our life. I just keep thinking, â&#x20AC;&#x153;This too shall passâ&#x20AC;?. However, I also know that it is sometimes easier said than done but I also realize that it is a stumbling block in my life and I will definitely get over it. I keep reminding myself that like many of my people I too am not immune to the lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s trials and tribulations. Often I had to make specific changes to get over those hurdles but tried not to change my beliefs and all other vital things that hold true to me. I try to avoid the punches of life that hurt me the most and 300

work harder to punch back to get through with confidence. Often times all I can do is to smile and move on with my days even if I have to hold back my tears and pretend I am good. One thing I have not forgotten is that I am human and it is alright to have meltdown so I just do not unpack and live here but cry out to focus on where I am headed in life. Nobody is going to make me have a bad day as long as there is oxygen on earth and I am breathing it is going to be a good day for me. Now I have trained my mind and heart to see the good in everything so there is always something good coming my way for me to be thankful for. I have begun to love my life and am prepared to take a positive picture of everything. I want to tell people, places and procedures that I am in love with them. Nothing will stop me to talk to random strangers to get the best in life. I am even prepared to do things that I was scared to do before. Finally I am thankful to all the bad things that have happened in my life because in one way or another they opened my eyes to the good things I was not paying attention to before. Now whenever I fall, I rise. Whenever I make any mistakes I learn to live with correct procedures. If ever I am hurt I heal because I am alive. 301

Chapter Thirty One

MY SIMPLE LIFE AND LIVING There were many luxuries in the world I started living and these according to many of my friends, relatives and family members were supposed to make my life easier. I found out that at times they might have but other times they made things more complicated for me. So very early in my family life I managed to use the knowledge of simple living that my ancestors had inculcated into me. I read and heard that there were lots of people who had successfully lived a simple life and enjoyed that kind of culture. I too sometimes pictured myself spending my time and days sitting by the river or a lake and enjoying the gift of nature. However, this dream of mine was interrupted by what I found out was the realty of modern living. Despite this interruption I managed to find out that there were many things I could do to simplify my life and living. When people around me heard and learnt about my aspirations of simplifying life, they thought that I was going to move into a home in the middle of the woods on the mountain range called the Sleeping Giant of Sabeto and 302

live off the land as a subsistence individual. But that was never the objective of my simpler life. Instead I began to choose things that kept me in the modern world but still made my life easier. The first thing I managed to convince myself and do was to track the money I received and spent. I never let myself starve nor did I deprive my family of their modest needs. My family had a roof on their head, they had clothes and they ate well. When I realized the need for simplicity, it became possible and easy to bring about the needed changes. Gradually I began paying a very close attention to how much time I had and how much could I spend doing necessary things thus I began looking for ways and means to cut down on time I thought was being wasted on unnecessary things and events. This I did because for me time and money were the two most valuable resources I had in those days. I found out soon that when life got simpler then the amount of these two things that I had at my disposal began to rise. That I knew was the benefit that we would reap by following a simpler life in the modern world were living in . I realized that the great thing about all these was that I had choices and thus I managed to choose to do what suited my living. Apart from 303

a modest home, healthy food and reasonable clothing I valued the life of my children and their education. By my mid-life I was blessed with four healthy, intelligent and beautiful children, two boys and two girls. Since I had a stable employment I made that choice of firstly educating myself well to fit into the community and then letting my wife do the same to serve the family with the needed dignity and understanding. My next most important step was to send our children to the best education institutions to get the education they needed to live their life properly. In these processes of educating the family we spent lavishly to reap the best benefits for the family in the future. As a person who loved his family tremendously and treasured their welfare I began to lead a very rich life in fulfilling my duties and responsibilities as the head of the Prasad Family. That was my choice and today I am proud of that innovation. Hence, I was bestowed with a life that was uncluttered by most of the unnecessary spending but putting all my finances where the need was the greatest and most rewarding. I had adequate prestige and respect in the society and kept serving the community by putting my best feet forward because I was 304

part of the world and not a secluded monk. I had reasonable possessions for my family to enjoy and live a healthy, peaceful and reasonable life but with care and control. Today when I reflect on the simple living I thought I should share some of my reflections with my family, friends and others. There are a lot of things I have learnt by living a simple life. And let me enumerate these: By de-cluttering my home and work space I managed to lead to a less cluttered mind. These visual distractions at times pulled and put me down in more ways than I realized. A quiet unrushed morning was a thing to treasure. I woke up early so that I had some quiet time to read, write, and meditate. I knew that I could not have had a simple life if I was unwilling to let go of what I was used to. Letting go can be difficult, but is easier if you do a one-month challenge. Let go of something for a month and see whether you like it or not. Simple, whole, healthy food was not only much healthier than junk food: it was a pleasure for the whole family. I had to make time for what was important: time with my four children, time with my spouse, time for creating, time for exercise and time for the community service as well. I quickly learnt to push everything else aside to make time. 305

Overcommitting was my biggest sin against simple living but I painfully cut out a huge number of commitments to simplify my life, and I am glad I did. I formed a habit of doing this every year. I kept my days mostly unstructured and unscheduled so that I had room for the little things that were so important: reading with my children, going for a walk, and even taking a nap. I had certain activities I did almost every day, though not on a schedule: writing, reading, eating healthy meals, doing a workout or playing with the children outdoors and spending prime time with my wife. It became easy to fill up my life because there were so many things that sounded and looked amazing. We heard and learnt about what other simple people were doing and instantly wanted to add those to our lives. But we were mindful that it was harder to remember that by adding so many things to our lives, we were subtracting space. That additional space was important. By saying no to things that sound really cool, I was saying yes to what was truly important to me. All my distractions were both more tempting and more destructive than I was able to realize.

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It was tempting to fill in every little minute of the day with productivity or distractions but I tried to leave some emptiness. I knew not to put too much emphasis on excitement because I realized that it was temporary and not so important. We overemphasized productivity because for all of us focus, priorities and effectiveness were more important and so was a nice walk with the loved ones. I knew by practice that if I learnt to sit in a quiet room alone with no distractions at times, I would be able to simplify my life better. I bought my things with care and control because I felt that it was better to have six books on my shelf that I was really going to read than a hundred I would never get round to. I realised that when I travelled lightly, I felt freer, less burdened and less tired. This applied to my life, not just my so many travels round the world. I believed in charity but gave to those that needed things from my own possessions that were surplus to me. Then I made a list of a few things to enable me or anyone to lead a simple life. Do not spend money on things you do not really need. Avoid debts, if at all possible. Have a garage sale to get rid of old junk you do not use. 307

Buy a bike instead of a car because you will save money on insurance, gas, repairs and maintenance. Avoid costly medical bills by adopting a healthy diet. Plan your meals for the week ahead of time. Make your own beauty and hygiene products at home. Make your own cleaning products because you will avoid harmful chemicals and spend less. Only keep the clothes you actually wear and give away the rest to the needy. Live in a smaller home. Minimise the use of utilities to reduce or get rid of electric, gas, and water bills. Start a garden, compost your food, and cut down on your weekly grocery bill. Every time you buy something new, get rid of something old. Have designated days to do laundry. Minimise the use of phone and internet usage by utilising the public system. Live closer to nature. Buy a fluoride filter for your entire house so you do not have to buy jugs on nonfluoridated water. Live within your means. Adopt an attitude of gratitude. Smile like you mean it. Avoid anger and any unnecessary drama. Unplug everything when you are not using it. 308

Have a set time each day to check social media. Cancel your cable connection if you rarely watch TV. Spend time outdoors as much as possible. Let go of the past and live in the present. Create your future, but do not worry about what is to come. Meditate daily. Exercise often. Try to use natural remedies for ailments when possible. Give items you do not use to the homeless or poor. Do not leave lights on when you are not home. Try to buy energy-efficient appliances. Buy high-quality items that will not need replacing often. Automate your bill payments. Reduce credit cards. Do not charge anything you cannot pay back quickly. Listen more than you talk. Play games more often. Work the needed hours. Laugh at least thirty times a day. Take relaxing baths in Epsom salt and lavender oil. Have friends who inspire you. Distance yourself from bad influences. Write down your goals and go after them. 309

Do not wait for things to happen; make them happen. Pack what you need for a flight in a carry-on bag only to avoid baggage fees. Consider buying a used car instead of a brand new one. Downsize when you can. Become a warrior, not a worrier. Turn your passion into your job. See if you can work from home if possible. Do not overbook your life. Spend at least one day a week entirely in nature. Speak gently to people. Make your own dog or cat food for pets. Buy locally grown produce. Only buy new things when old things break. Shred old papers you do not need. Avoid letting your emails pile up. Organize your computer files. Limit your time on social media. Go with the flow. Tackle problems before they get out of hand. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Do not chase perfection; embrace imperfections. Have a home gym to avoid paying for a gym membership. Better still make nature your gym by taking a regular walk. Make to-do lists. Keep smiling. 310

Forgive and forget. Make your own baby food if you have young children. Let your children play in nature rather than buying them tons of toys. Move to another country or place where the cost of living is cheaper. Try to eliminate bills where you can. Buy bundled services for phone and internet. Check emails only a couple times a day. Pack minimally for trips. Eat at home more. Wash dishes right after you eat so they do not pile up. Love everyone. Do all your errands in one go. Buy clothing that will last. Make a grocery list before you go shopping. Have only a couple of email addresses. Always tell the truth. Follow your heart. Appreciate the little things in life. Practice positive thinking. Give up alcohol and cigarettes because you will save money and have a healthy life. Wake up with the sun to get more done. Be productive. Go to college only if you want to not because you think you have to. Become a self-taught learner and seek information online. 311

Do what you enjoy in order to avoid what you do not. Ask for help when you need it. Delegate some chores to your children or spouse. Do not take on more work than you can do. Stay humble. Keep an open mind. Carpool to reduce your carbon footprint and save money on gas. These will hopefully enable you to live your life in a way that makes you happiest because they certainly gave me a simpler and more productive living.

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Chapter Thirty Two

THOUGHTS & ANECDOTES DO NOT BELIEVE If an impulse within us comes to say, Some un-palatable and negative word today, That may drive you and your friend away, Do not believe it and say, “Go Away!” If you hear a word of blame, Cast upon your friend’s or family’s name That may injure their fair fame, Do not ever play this silly game. If malicious gossip of any tongue, Some vile slander may have flung, On the head of old or young, Do not repeat it and do not clung. Thoughtful, kind and helpful speech, Is always a gift promised to each-This is the lesson we should teach: Do not abuse it but go and preach. 313

EMBRACING LIFE EVENTS If we embrace relational uncertainty it is called romantic adventure. If ever we are able to embrace spiritual uncertainty it is called mystery. When we are able to embrace occupational uncertainty it is called destiny. Embracing emotional uncertainty within our lifetime is known as joy. When we are able to embrace intellectual uncertainty it is called revelation. We are ready and willing to embrace all future life events and it is called ecstasy.

LIFE IS LIKE A BOOMERANG What we send out comes back to us. Whatever we sow we bound to reap. Whatever we give we do get it back. What we see in others exists in us. If we do not judge others we will Not be judged. If we radiate and give love to others That love comes back to us.

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Every great achievement was once impossible Every great achievement was once impossible until someone set a goal to make it a reality. Lewis Carroll's famous masterpiece Through the Looking Glass contains a story that exemplifies the need to dream the impossible dream. There is a conversation between Alice and the queen, which goes like this: "I can't believe that!" said Alice. "Can't you?" the queen said in a pitying tone. "Try again, draw a long breath, and shut your eyes." Alice laughed. "There's no use trying," she said. "One can't believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

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When you dare to dream, many marvels can be accomplished. The trouble is, most people never start dreaming their impossible dream. If You Think If you think you are beaten, you are. If you think you dare not, you don't! If you want to win, but think you can't, It's almost a cinch you won't. If you think you'll lose, you're lost; For out in the world we find Success begins with a fellow's will; It's all in the state of the mind. Life's battles don't always go To the stronger and faster man, But sooner or later the man who wins Is the man who thinks he can.

Walter D. Wintle Take Time Take time to laugh It is the music of the soul. Take time to think It is the source of power. Take time to play It is the source of perpetual youth. Take time to read It is the fountain of wisdom. Take time to pray It is the greatest power on earth. Take time to love and be loved It is a God-given privilege. 316

Take time to be friendly It is the road to happiness Take time to give It is too short a day to be selfish Take time to work It is the price of success.

I used to speak to motivate the youths when I was a Rotarian in Ba and I started off one of my seminars by holding up a $100 note. In the room of some 200 people, I asked, "Who would like this $100 note?" Hands started going up. I said, "I am going to give this $100 note to one of you but first let me do this." I proceeded to crumple the note up. I then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air. "Well," I replied, "What if I do this?" And I dropped it on the ground and pretended to grind it on the floor with my shoe. I picked it up,. Now the $100 note was all rumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?". Still the hands went into the air. "My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $100.

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Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and grounded onto the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we were worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. You are special. Do not ever forget it.” I told the participants of the seminar. I then added these remarks to conclude my speech: “Never let yesterday’s disappointments overshadow tomorrow’s dreams because life is the most precious asset we have.”

HOPE HOPE is definitely one of the greatest gifts to all of us It is that magic which keeps inspiring and motivating us IF Honesty is our best policy Opportunities are taken at the right time Peace, prosperity and progress are promoted Excellence and enthusiasm remain our goal in life.

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I AM NOT A SAINT BUT I HAVE LEARNT MY LESSONS. It was a long time ago when I too used to have one too many for the road. After one of my drunken nights I suffered the full plight of my drinking habits but the next morning upon getting sober I began to ask a lot of valid and good questions to myself. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Was I getting stronger with every glass I drank or was that just a sign that I was getting weaker and weaker when my friends were making fun of my drinking habit?â&#x20AC;? Sooner or later I realized that my drinking habit was making me weak, hollow and vulnerable and it just made me laugh, cry, recollect, repent and poorer at the same time. Today I have learnt my lessons. Now I am a social but sensible drinker and this compels me and dictates to have a Scotch with Soda occasionally and a glass of red wine with my evening meals. I wish I had learnt this valuable lesson earlier because that would have helped me preserve my health, wealth and wisdom. 319

I am what my deep driving desire is. According to the Upanishads, I am what my deep driving desire is. As my desire is, so is my will. As my will is, so is my deed. As my deed is, so is my destiny. I thank God Almighty for protecting me from what I thought I wanted and blessing me with what I did not know I needed. So I let go of all forms of comparing. I let go of all forms of competing. I let go of all forms of judgements. I managed to let go of my anger. These made me let go of my regrets. Then I was able to let go of my worries. It became easy to let go of blame. I could then let go of all guilt. Then it was easy to let go of fear. I now enjoy a proper belly laugh at least once a day.

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I HAVE NEVER FORGOTTEN TO MAKE MY LIFE Whenever I stand before God Almighty I pray to Him to give me the right and needy talents, deeper knowledge about self and service, greater ability to enable me to understand the people and the environment I exist in and to be able to find peace through submitting myself to The Supreme Power that established and is managing the Universe. All that is given to me is through the blessing and kindness of Almighty God and I am ever thankful for all of those. One of the hardest lessons I have learnt in life is the ability to let go. Bringing the right change in our life is necessary for every enlightened being whether it is our guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal. We must try our best to hold on to the truth, beauty and goodness aspects of our living and do our utmost to let go all demonic conducts. These functions are never easy in this material and confusing world but genuine effort always pays good dividends. I believe that for all sentient beings proper understanding is much deeper than knowledge because many people might know us but there are only a few who truly 321

understand us. The reverse is also true where we might know a lot of people but it is hard to understand them. This is the reason I always pray to have those eyes that would be able to see the best as well as the worst in people who are around me so that I am able to understand the heart that forgives the worst and accepts the best, a mind that forgets the evil and treasures the good and above all the soul that never loses faith in God. Our understanding of life and living would make us knowledgeable about the things that money cannot buy in this world. These are our manners, morals, respect, character, common sense, trust, patience, integrity, love and status or class. We must learn to live for the little things and leave the big things in the hands of Almighty God. Without respect love is lost, without caring love becomes boring, without honesty love tends to be unhappy and without trust love becomes unstable. Live our life and learn to risk it all, Take some chances even if you fall. Take our time; there is no need to hurry, Have a lot of fun and do not worry. I always ask myself what is really important for me and then gather my courage to build my life around my answers. I am always thankful for what I am now but keep striving 322

for what I want to be in the future. I have tried my best in life to never get so busy making my living that I forget to make my life. I was        

MESSAGES FROM MY ELDERS told by my elders early in life that If I wanted too many things for myself I needed to learn to want less and work hard to get them; I should always try to have much more than what I can show and then speak less than what I know; I must love people and use money wisely and not the opposite; I would not get any loyalty from people who would do anything for money; It is rewarding and much better to choose to want less rather than to have a lot more; While it is often possible to satisfy our needs but it is always impossible to satisfy our greed; All our cruel and unkind traits, pettiness and greed can be lost with wisdom, kindness and patience; No matter how educated, talented, rich and cool or calm I become, it is how well I treat my people that will ultimately tell the world that my integrity is vital and is everything for good living. 323

LIFE IS UNITY IN DIVERSITY There are times to laugh and there are times to cry, Life is the union of joy, pain, sorrow and some shy. Sometimes we get the pleasure of the autumn season, Other times the monsoon brings the rainy season. One comes and the other goes without any reason, Spring brings hope but the best is the summer season. Life is the union of joy, pain, sorrow and some shy, There are times to laugh and there are times to cry. While the lucky sleep under the lapel of the loved ones, Many feel the thirst of affection from their loved ones. Sometimes the darkness of disappointment reigns, For many love and affection bring lots of summer rains. 324

Sometimes the pain is unbearable, often there is cure, All sorrows and pains come but go away, this is for sure. Life is the union of joy, pain, sorrow and some shy, There are times to laugh and there are times to cry. There is some oppression, some depressions of living, Some traditions of the world make the life hard living. Losses and gains, winning and falling make us move, Promises and vows give restlessness but some groove. There are moments and memories that come and go, They torture us all the time, either they are fast or slow. Life is the union of joy, pain, sorrow and some shy, There are times to laugh and there are times to cry. Life becomes a shadow that comes and keeps going, Moments of loneliness are few but joys keep moving. 325

Very few choices but we are forced to live and let live, Love of pleasure and there are some promises to give. We are protected always but then we long to be loved, Sometimes distraught and other times liked by the beloved. Life is the union of joy, pain, sorrow and some shy, There are times to laugh and there are times to cry.

PRAYER FOR STRENGTH My prayers are simple and straight-forward. I do not pray for Almighty God to take my problems away but I pray for God to grant me the strength to go through them. Dear Lord, I do not ask You to make my life easier but I ask You to give me the strength to face all my problems and my troubles with courage and peaceful stance. Lord God, You have been my greatest strength. Keep holding my hand, enlightening my heart and mind. Keep holding me tight in Your embrace so that I can be stronger than all the challenges in my life.

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PRESCRIPTION FOR MY SUCCESS Once I failed my Chemistry Test at my newly admitted College and was very worried but my teacher said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Son, you have not failed this test but now you have an opportunity to go and find out a lot of other ways that do not work for you.â&#x20AC;? I thanked my teacher and I began my search for excellence. From that day I followed my heart but never forgot to take my brain with me. I do not just talk but act. I do not just say things but I try to show the results. I do not just promise but try my best to prove things. These led me to a lot of my successes in life. Whatever and whoever I am today I am thankful to my teachers who taught me everything but most of all the value of patience.

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Promise Yourself To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind; To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet; To make all your friends feel that there is something in them; To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true; To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best; To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own; To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future; To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile; To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others; To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear; and too happy to permit the presence of trouble; To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds; To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you. 328

Little Ways to Make Your Marriage Even Stronger A little can go a long way. Marriage is not like a house but a home. A house is made of bricks and iron but a home is full of love. It requires a strong and lasting foundation. While love is the foundation of any happy, romantic relationship, love is not enough. In order to have a healthy marriage, both parties have to be willing to work on it. One of the biggest obstacles to a happy, strong marriage is a lack of understanding of yourself and your spouse. In order to dismantle that hurdle, it is vital that you both develop a deeper level of understanding of each other. This will deepen your relationship bond and allow your marriage to flourish. Even if you have a very strong marriage and commitment to each other, there are still things you can do to make your relationship stronger and your commitment better. I am certain that you are ready to put more love into your love life? Here are seven little ways to make your marriage stronger.

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Chapter Thirty Three

Give Up the Need to Be Right You know the situations – you’re in a conversation with your significant other and it starts to get a little contentious because you differ on the “facts.” It might be a discussion of the best way to complete a task, the sequence of events relating to a previous situation or a plain and simple difference of opinion. Contrary to what you may be feeling in that very moment, you don’t always have to be right. Marriage requires strong communication and few things wear away at the marriage more than a partner who constantly needs to say “I’m right, you’re wrong.” If your spouse does something you can’t stand, instead of being on it, try handling the situation without complaint or resentment. This will allow your partner to see that you don’t always have to take things there. Bond With Each Other’s Friends Are you close with your spouse’s faithful friends? If you’re not already close with them or they with yours, plan occasional group outings so that you can all get to know each other better. This doesn’t mean that you 330

should invite yourself to every single outing that your spouse has with their friends, but this can be a great way to get over any jealousy you might have and build a better bond with them. Meeting their friends and getting to know them a bit better can make you feel more at ease about the people your spouse hangs out with when you’re not around. However, remember the saying “Love thy neighbour but do not get caught”. Practice Gratitude It is important that the two people invested in a marriage feel valued and loved. Say “thank you” at least once a day. Show your spouse that you don’t take them for granted. You can begin by keeping a mental journal of the loving deeds your partner does. You can also leave special notes around the house or send random text messages during the day letting them know how much you value and appreciate them. Practice gratitude together while taking a walk or riding in the car together. One person can begin by saying one thing they are grateful for and then the other one will follow. Keep doing this until you have exhausted every option. Practicing gratitude will help your relationship thrive well.

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Turn Back the Clock No loving couple can ever miss the honeymoon phase of the marriage. Disaster sets in when that first, most passionate phase of the relationship begins to grow fainter. While it is unrealistic to believe the two of you will be on that high forever, when these feelings begin to fade, it is important to turn back the clock and reenergize the relationship. Start with the little things. Make your spouseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s favourite meal for dinner. Send flowers to their job or home. Leave private messages on their voicemail. Not only will these opportunities generate new emotional connections, but bring you right back to the honeymoon period which will also help you reconnect with warm memories. Work Out Together It is easy to get comfortable in your marriage, sometimes a little too comfortable. Have you both packed on a few pounds since your wedding day or lost your directions to the gym? If so, a great way to make your marriage stronger is through working out and healthy lifestyle changes. Find a physical activity you both enjoy and exercise together to make your bodies and marriage healthier. Talk a walk around the park, stroll in the yard, hit the 332

treadmills, jump in the pool or the spa, anything that will increase your heart rate. This is also a great opportunity to bond and motivate each other on your physical health journey. There is no better person that can be by your side than your spouse. Know the Little Things Does your spouse have a big function or a meeting coming up? Are they dreading something they have to face unexpectedly? Sharing the daily details of your lives with each other is just as important as sharing hopes, dreams and fears. Asking these sorts of questions on a regular basis is a great way to build understanding in your marriage. If you know your spouse is going through something on a particular day, maybe it isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t the time to push the issue you have been bringing (or wanting to bring) up all week. The follow up is also important. Do not forget to ask how the meeting, function, phone call or lunch turned out. Your thoughtfulness will make your partner feel loved and cared for. Show a Little PDA Treat your spouse with respect and admiration in public. Yes, it is OK to show a little PDA. (Public Display of Affection) This doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t mean you should go overboard, but it should be 333

done so in a way where your spouse feels a sense of oneness with you in a way thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s comfortable to them. Whether you are at a party together, walking through the grocery store or simply strolling down the street, start sending your spouse subtle signals of your connection and love. Smile at them. Hold each otherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hand. Put your arms around them. These are all signals of connection. I am a general fan of PDA. As long as it doesn't go overboard, then I don't see anything wrong with stealing a kiss or holding hands in the public. That is, as long as that kiss doesn't become a prolonged make out on the subway and that hand-holding is not in the middle of the sidewalk. Strong marriages do not just happen. They take a lot of work. In order to have a flourishing relationship with your significant other, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll have to work at it each day. Use these seven tips to get you started living out the marriage you always imagined and wanted. Remember, the tiny things do matter. If you cannot do big things just do the little things with greater interest, love and compassion.

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SEVEN SECRETS OF SUCCESS The answer lies within our home. 1. The roof advises us to aim high. 2. The fan up the ceiling says ‘keep cool’. 3. The clock on the wall tells ‘every minute is valuable’. 4. The mirror wants us to look inwards before acting. 5. The window says ‘look before you leap’. 6. The calendar wants us to be up to date always. 7. The door says to take full advantage of all the opportunities that knock for you.

THE POWER OF ONE One tree starts a forest. One smile begins a friendship. One handshake can lift a soul. One word can make a goal. One candle can clear the darkness. One laugh can conquer gloom. One hope can lift your spirits. One touch can show you care. One life on this earth can make the difference. Let us be that ONE. O = Objective, Orderly, Organized, Obedient and Outstanding N = Needful. Negotiable, Noticeable, Nonchalant and Nationalistic E = Earnest, Effective, Efficient, Elegant and Empirical 335

THE WAY TO PLEASANT LIVING Life is exciting and beautiful today and this day, hour and minute will not come back in our entire life. So as the most enlightened creation of God we should avoid all sorts of quarrels, anger, hate, falsehood and deceitfulness and speak and relate to everyone at every moment of our life in the politest and most loving way. Then we will have a pleasant and enjoyable living.

THERE IS A LOT TO LEARN IN LIFE I have lived in this world for more than 24,000 days and each day I have learnt something new. Each day I learnt a lot more than I taught. I learnt that little knowledge is dangerous because it leads us to false judgement. There is surprising kinship in human nature and the best way to lead a happy life is to be human and practice truth, beauty and goodness in all our words, actions, thoughts, character and habits. Children are our greatest support and assets and to love them and care for them makes family life peaceful and enjoyable. Everyday I 336

learn that what we expect we get. I learnt that there is more good than evil in this world. That age is a question of spirit and number on the page of life. God is our saviour and always provides us whatever we need. Every morning is the best part of my life because I managed to wake up, pray and go on with my daily living. No matter how many days I have lived I keep learning because there is a lot more to learn in life. This is for those who are still looking and trying to find God within and without. A question that comes to mind often is â&#x20AC;&#x153;How do I find You God?â&#x20AC;? The answer is simple: God is Love. If you have ever loved, If you have ever been loved, You have experienced God from Within and Without. God is Truth. If you have ever told the truth, If you have ever discovered Truth, You have experienced God from Within and Without God is Beauty. If you have ever helped to create something beautiful, If you have ever witnessed beauty in any of it's myriad forms, You have experienced God from Within and Without God is Good. If you have ever done or thought something good, if you have ever recognized goodness in or through another, you have experienced God from Within and Without 337

All of those experiences, those gifts of Love, Truth, Beauty and Goodness come directly from God through to us every moment. Therefore let us say â&#x20AC;&#x153;Glad to Meet You God. Let us hang out together every moment of our life.â&#x20AC;? THERE IS NOTHING YOU CANNOT DO! If we learnt to LET GO then there is nothing to fear. There is nothing to fear because we will be as good as the best; As strong as the mightiest, too. We can win in every battle or test; There will be no one just like us. There will be only one you in the world today. So nobody else, you see, Can do your work in a finer way. You are the only YOU there will be. So face the world, and all life is yours To conquer and love and live; And you will find the happiness that endures in just the measure you give; There is nothing more good for you to possess, nor heights where you cannot go: Your power is more than belief and hope, It is something you have to know. There is nothing to fear; You can and you will. For you are the invincible you. Set your foot on the highest hill; there is nothing you cannot do. 338

Chapter Thirty Four

THINGS FALL APART When I was a high school student I had read a novel, Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe, the African writer. It depicted a Nigerian tribal village that was stable for centuries but quickly and utterly crumbled after the arrival of colonialism. There is a similar corollary in our own lives. In a heartbeat, things in our life can fall apart and the reality is that they can and do, as can be seen from these three of the many true stories. One of my good friends was standing at a busy intersection waiting for the lights to change. Beside him there stood a middle-aged lady and a grey-haired gentleman. We did not expect this glimpse of our mortality. It was evening rush hour, dusk was upon us and everyone was in a hurry as usual. Traffic whizzed by centimetres from where they were 339

standing, staring across the street at the pedestrian signal. When the lights changed, each of them instinctively began to step off the curb to cross the road. An instant later, they were all reeling back against each other. A delivery truck, trying to beat the light, sped past them centimetres from the curb and through the intersection against a very clear red light. The wind from the speeding truck slapped their faces. Had they taken another step, one or more of them would have been under the wheels. The three strangers were brought briefly and intensely together at the intersection and were bonded by their shared close call with death. I heard them briefly counting their blessings by shaking their heads in disbelief at the redlight runner and then hurrying in their separate ways. Things could have fallen apart for one or all three road users and I could not help but wonder how many centimetres stood between their close and catastrophic adventure? Last year when I was in Los Angeles spending my healing time with the family of my brother, things fell apart close to their home. A young lady across the street, a sweet natured, always smiling, high school student was driving 340

home. It was just her routine trip until she came to a dip in the road where water tended to collect but this day because of the freezing temperature the young lady could not judge the hazard of the frozen black snow. When suddenly she applied the brake the car skidded and hit an oncoming truck. A happy life was forever altered. The lady remained hospitalized with brain injuries and the bereaved parents all helpless and distraught. While their daughter was convalescing in hospital fate put them in even a worse situation when a loaded truck skidded off the pavement and crashed through their bedroom wall, killing them both. Their other two sons who escaped injury were left orphans. Things fall apart, and many times in ways so incredible as to seem impossible and unbelievable but they are not. Later that year I went to visit my younger son in Kuala Lumpur and heard this story from the grieving parents. Their three sons went out one evening and after enjoying their time at a nearby restaurant decided to call a taxi to go home but no taxi would come so they decided to go home on foot. It was only a few kilometres of walk home late at night. 341

There was nothing particularly queer about this but as the brothers were crossing the road near their home a bus ploughed them down. Two of the brothers were instantly killed on the spot but the third brother miraculously escaped unhurt. Sometimes life can look like a shooting gallery and we become the swimming ducks in the lake. The shots come at random picking off some and sparing others with no pattern or predictability. Of course, there seems no fairness at all. Therefore, the parents of the brothers still feel that life is many things but fairness is not one of them. Think of the brother who was left behind to prepare to cremate the other two. Things do fall apart and for the rest of us who are lucky, there is tomorrow to be careful and avoid the circumstances where things do and can fall apart.

Truth, Faith, Hope and Love Often we just have to keep reminding ourselves that ď&#x201A;ˇ if we find things, words and situations that are full of TRUTH then we should 342

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accept them immediately without any arguments; If we have developed our FAITH in people, places and procedures then we should be prepared to speak about and for them; If we have HOPE in or for anything let us hold on to it; and If we are in LOVE with anyone, anything or any place then we should live happily with it.

WHAT A BEAUTY? O MOON! I saw her hanging up in the blue sky tonight I couldn’t but admire her beauty this night She was the brightest among the other stars She was up there ready to heal all the scars Her light, her might and her beauty so right Tonight was the full moon shinning so bright. For all the new and old lovers she is so rare She is out there ready to give and to share Lovers cannot help but notice all her glare She looks unique like a golden star to stare The pretty face makes all romance to flare Sparkling, shimmering and glimmering there. Her graceful move across the sky is a wonder 343

Lovers know she is there in rain or in thunder Her beauty and grace make the lovers sigh They want her to inspire them and draw nigh Walk in the park or you stroll along the road The moon up the sky provides loversâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; code. Darkness is shattered and night becomes day She acts as the kingdom for lovers that say â&#x20AC;&#x153;I love you darling, you have made my day.â&#x20AC;? Romance flourishes and lovers become gay Just one look up the sky brings a lot of bliss To hold each other tightly to give a sweet kiss. This moon thus illuminates the whole night Lovers cannot blink from such a sweet sight They are mesmerised by the bright moon light They even decide their engagement that night Marriage vows revised honeymoon gets right For lovers pretty moon shines thus all night. Lovely, charming and shinning moon do stay Make every night of all lovers happy and gay Let darkness go away from those dark nights Change the route to bring full moon all nights Lovers long to see you shine and give blessing All the year round without doing any resting.

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Chapter Thirty Five

WORDS OF WISDOM Wise Words of Elders I believe that there will always be someone better at something than I am so I refuse to make comparison because it is the thief of joy. Therefore, I do not let the success of other people discourage me from my own endeavours and make me bitter. If someone has done or is doing something I would like to do, I get my inspiration from these because they become my indicators that I too can achieve great things. My grandfather once said, “My Boy, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all.” “One is EVIL that is your anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority complex, lies and ego.” “The other is GOOD that is your joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and truth.” It took me a few years to fully understand this philosophy and when I did I asked my grandfather a question, “Grandpa, which wolf wins?” 345

The old and wise man smiled and quietly replied, â&#x20AC;&#x153;The one you feed well wins.â&#x20AC;? Life teaches us a lot of things. Sometimes in life things get fantastic but other times they get messed up when people begin to overthink and react, over-analyse and assume and are not able to care, control and create things. However, it is human nature though and we cannot be perfect all the time. We learn more and more each and every day and hope for the better. The vital thing to remember always is that while we all are illiterate and ignorant in some fields, we all are beautiful in some aspects and while we all have some flaws we are brilliant in many other areas therefore, we all deserve a second chance. Let us not brood over what we did, how well or bad we did it and when and why we did it because many times in our life we just were not ready to make it right the first time. So let us never give up but keep trying again and again. Whenever I felt like I could not do any better or go any further in life, I was confident that the same strength and stamina that carried me well so far would definitely take me and lead me the rest of the way. So I learnt to press on regardless. If I do something I like it then it becomes my freedom but if I like what I am doing then it gives me happiness. 346

My recent reading has made me realize that every time I am tempted to do and react in the same old tradition and way, I seriously evaluate and look at the choices I have had to either become a prisoner trapped in my past old ways or become a pioneer of my future. I dared to get out of the prison and did everything possible to become a pioneer of my future activities. Sometime back I used to think that the worst thing in my life was to be lonely and end up all alone but after I found some renewed love and laughter I have begun to feel that the best thing in life is to rejoice, react and remove all doubts to live a happy and rewarding life which is short but can be made a lot sweeter. Now I am fully convinced that the inner peace begins when I choose not to allow anyone or any event to control my emotions. Therefore, for me the tragedy of life is not death but it is what I let die inside me while I live. So I have taken the advice of Aristotle, â&#x20AC;&#x153;You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.â&#x20AC;? I want to lead a really simple life and never insist on making it any complicated. There were many a time when my life was sweet so I said thank you to God, my family and friends and celebrated but there were a few occasions when my life got a bit bitter and 347

then I also thanked God for His Blessings and Care to save me from despondency and then tried to grow out of the bitterness. If we practice like we have never had a win before then we can perform like we have never lost at all and if we believe that we can do it then we are almost there. So let us stop wishing and begin doing. I believe that my determination today would always lead me to my success tomorrow. If we keep complaining about the things we are not willing to change we would not be able to enjoy plain sailing in life. Do not be afraid to start things over because it is a brand new opportunity to rebuild what you truly want. If we learn to push harder than yesterday we would definitely have a better and different tomorrow.

Words, Words and Words I have written many words, read a lot many and heard even a lot more but it was only recently that I realized that if I stopped and thought carefully I could feel a lot more about each word that I write, read and hear.

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It has been easy for me to understand the superficial meaning of words but the day I put my ears, heart and soul on the nerves of each word they revealed a lot more to me about them and their surroundings. Previously I thought that words were just words but after my deeper interest in them I discovered that they had feelings, explanations, compassion and passion. Now I am able to see that there are words which make me smile or laugh loudly whereas there are others that make me so sad that I start crying. There are words that I can use and misuse in the public but there are those useful and powerful words that I can only interpret and appreciate while I am alone and enjoying my solitary conditions. The words that brought intense feelings for me and within me from the pages of books have given me a variety of experiences. I could run away from them, be part of them or be in good company with them. The word childhood always brings multiple exhilarating, exciting and exceptional experiences and I get lost in the pleasant memories. I have been able to see the naked me playing with ants, worms and the soil that used to give me hours of enjoyment. 349

Then the word rain compels me to wipe my forehead as if the rain has fallen over my head to wet my body. Of course, my feet are able to feel the mud that the water made me develop by jumping in the puddles. Having read and heard the word loneliness made me feel and experience that someone very near and loved one has forced a sword in my chest and is laughing loudly by looking at my sad face. I feel that the wound so inflicted has not healed till today. By reading and writing the word crematorium I get a very frightening feeling where upon my ears, eyes and the whole body begins to get a chronic chill. It gives me a tragic feeling that someone is sitting on my chest and pressing me so hard that I am not able to get out of the precarious situation. By reading the word ghost makes me scrutinize my surrounding with fear and some dilemma at night with a feeling that someone is following me and will soon catch up with me even if I am the fastest runner on earth. Upon hearing the word memory I get lost in my past and a very intense sorrow and sadness capture me. I feel I have lost some 350

valuable treasure and someone is telling me to get out of that situation but I cannot. I have asked women to look at the word widow and see if they can see a lady who has lost her husband and is compelled to wash off the signs of marriage and break her bangles. Similarly I have asked some sterile women to read the word barren and then I tried to witness the sorrow, remorse and sadness on their countenance to understand their pain and despondency. What does the reading of the word love make me feel after seeing so much hate related criminal activities in the world? I get the scornful feeling or belief that the word is worthless, despicable and full of mockery. How do I feel when I read my own name Ram Lakhan? I feel emptiness, a complete blank page and like an empty vessel rolling on the road waiting for someone to come and rescue me. There are a lot more words that give me a variety of feelings but either I try not to remember them or I have forgotten their rightful meaning. Of course there are other words that I cannot forget even if my conscience desperately wants it. 351

The most important words for me are the ones that my loved ones have uttered when they needed my shoulder to cry and eradicate to lessen their sorrows, pains and loneliness. Those were the words that they left in my ears with a whisper. â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;What were they?â&#x20AC;&#x2122; Asked my younger son. Help Me Guide Me I love You Pocket money School fees Sports fees Tennis Racquet Boots New shoes New Watch Sunglasses Uniforms Drive me to .. Read a story Text Books Perfume New friends Dinner Out Party time Music Films Record player

Camera Magazines Comics Face cream Hair cream, Ride, Picnic, Suits, Dresses, Rent, Gifts, Air Fare, Boarding fees.

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The list goes on but the important thing was that I managed to meet all the demands with pleasure and no pains. What a coward of a man am I? I am so weak that I get defeated by those important words related to me that have feelings and valuable meanings but I cannot feel and expose them. What a shame!

Chapter Thirty Six

CHANGE I have experienced a lot of changes in my work life and family life where I had to make the form, nature, content and the future course of something completely different from what it was. I have seen people change their names or change their opinion but there were many people who changed the course of history through their struggle and perseverance. In fact change is one of the permanent features of human way of life. In this essay I want to show various facets and beliefs of change. For many of us change is something that presses us to move out of our comfort zone. Often it is harder done than thought. Change in our disposition, conduct and behaviour brings progress and prosperity. I agree with George Bernard Shaw who said that progress is impossible without change and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. Change to me is destiny-filtered, heart grown and faith built. Often it is said that change is 354

inequitable; not a respecter of persons. Change is for the better or for the worst, depending on where we view it. Therefore change can be said to have an adjustment period which is different for different individuals. Motivated individuals are never afraid of change and I have always supported this because I believe that God will never take anything away from us without the intention of replacing it with something better. Despite all this change is sometimes uncomfortable because changing from one state to the next upsets our control over outcomes. This is why change has a ripping effect on all those who would not let go. Therefore I think flexibility is the key. I am told that even a roller coaster ride can be fun if you know when and how to lean and create new balance within the change. One of the best quotes I found on change is, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Let go of things you cannot change, and focus on things you can.â&#x20AC;? But one of the ways to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it and join the song and dance of change. Change is definitely needed when all the props and practices of the past no longer work. You 355

cannot ‘just hang in there’ but you have to learn to make it happen. No one grows or progresses in retreat but through endurance and perseverance. All my changes in my work and family life were never fixed by crying, worrying or mental tread-milling. My changes were won by persistence so it was my choice to become a victor and not the victim. I found that every moment that changed my life changed who I was. However, I was never afraid to fall apart because it was my opportunity to rebuild myself the way I wished I had been all along. Change was awkward for me at first. It was a muscle that developed to abundantly enjoy the dynamics of the life set before me. It pushed me to my personal best and I had to call all my strength and skills to manoeuvre it. I soon found out that change was not for chickens and it definitely has causalities for those defeated individuals. It is worth remembering that every positive change in our life begins with a clear, unequivocal decision that we are either going to do something or stop doing something. So making a big life change is pretty scary for some of us but once we know that there is one thing that ‘regret’ is even scarier than change 356

then we begin to take proper action to bring about the needed change. I believe that any change will cause us to churn or to learn. Change for me has always changed the speed of time. Time as we know is so slow for the reluctant and yet it is a whirlwind for those of us who embrace it. Therefore change is more fun to do than to be done to. Change seeks a better place at the end and is complete when we realize we are different from everyone else. My life has been the ultimate result of the choices I made and the very moment I did not like my life I knew that it was time for me to change and start making better choices. I knew that change was measured by its impact on all who were connected to it. Change is charged when we are dissatisfied with where we are. Change does not look for a resting-place but it wants the next launching point. Hence, change is only a waste who do not learn anything from it. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we have been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.â&#x20AC;? Says Barrack Obama, the President of United States. 357

Therefore, I believe that our life does not get better by chance but it does get better by change. It is possible that changing the inner attitude of our minds, we can change the outer aspects of our lives. If we do not change then we do not grow and if we do not grow I do not think we are living well. For over sixty years I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, “If today was the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I came to know that I needed to change something. Very often a change of set is needed much more than the change of scene. I have never doubted that ordinary but good and thoughtful citizens cannot change the world if they tried. It has always been this group that brought about the needed change in this world. If we cannot change the direction of the wind while sailing we can adjust our sail to always reach our destination. But let us be reminded by Deepak Chopra that all great changes are preceded by chaos. Change happens in the hearts and minds of people first before it is proclaimed by our actions and works. If we can change before we have to change then there will be less pain. We 358

all know that pain can change us but that doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t mean it has to be a bad change. We can take that pain and turn it into wisdom. Life, as we are often reminded, is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So wise people love everyone who treat them right, forgive the ones who do not and begin to believe that everything happens for a reason. If we get a chance then we must take it. If it changes our life, then let it. I am not saying that all this is easy but I can promise that it would be worth it. Change can flow or jerk, depending on our acceptance or resistance to it. Change uses the power invested in the unseen to reinvent what we see. Change is like driving in a fog; we canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t see very far but we can make the whole trip that way if we persist. If we want to change the world we must first of all change ourselves. John F Kennedy believed that change is the law of life and those who look only to the past or the present are certain to miss the future. Let me conclude by saying that we should get to make the choice to take the chance if we want our life to change. Therefore, it is wise to make a wish, take a chance and make a 359

change. If it does not challenge you, it wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t change you. One of the happiest moments in my life has been when I found the courage to let go of what I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t change. So isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t it crazy how we can look back in our life and realize how much everything has changed? The number of people that have left from our life, the new ones that have entered and the old ones that have stayed on are staggering indeed. The memories are hard to forget and the moments still in sight. These are some of the powers of change. Change is here to stay. If I do not change I will find it hard to adjust myself to the way I want to live my life.

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EPILOGUE I know my whole life experiences have not been extraordinary or impressive enough for my readers but I wanted to express myself anyway so that people could assess my life experiences for themselves. I have not left much for anyone and definitely not millions to any charity. There would not be any buildings emblazoned with my name on the outside brick of the top floor. There would be no long list of board positions included in my final resume. I have been evolving towards the end of my life. In the past few years, I have not been invested in serving others as I used to do, so I set a goal and created a plan to change that pattern in my life. I wanted to mind my own business because I was striving to live a healthier life alone. I did not want to be a burden to others in my final years especially to my family members. I have prepared for a peaceful end-of-life journey, whenever it comes. I plan on having a good death as part of the legacy I have shaped for myself. It was my conviction to renew my life by forgetting the past and to live in the present with greater intention. There was one change, one improvement, an accomplished goal when

I got into relationship with my partner. She became my unconditional and instinctual friend, an unselfish carer with greater dedication and interest. None other would have fitted into my life this late but only her. I do hope my epilogue describes me as a person who loved others well and lived to give glory to God. If these shadows have offended anyone Think of love and friendship to forgive I have expressed my views for everyone These are my views and are here to live Gentle people please do not reprehend. If you pardon me, we will surely mend. As I am an honest Buck I have not earned any luck How can you give me a liar call. I want to say good bye unto you all. Give me your hands if we are friends, And RL would be happy to restore amends.

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AUTOBIOGRAPHY Of Dr Ram Lakhan Prasad My name at birth was Ram Lakhan and I was born on the 27th of December 1939 in a small remote village of Fiji called Botini that is part of Sabeto in Nadi. My grandparents blessed me with this name because they wanted me to have the strengths of both Ram and Lakhsman of the epic Ramayan. My father registered my birth on 18th January 1940 so that became my official birth date. Botini is a fertile valley on the west bank of Sabeto River that has its source in the mountain range known as the Sleeping Giant. Almost all the residents of this village lived a self sufficient life growing their own basic food requirements. Early housing structure was of thatched nature but as soon as people entered the sugarcane and pineapple growing industry together with their own vegetable gardening things improved considerably and housing as well as other living conditions of people accelerated. My parents Bhagoati Prasad and Ram Kumari lived on an extended family farm with my 363

grand parents Sarju and Gangadei together with other members. My grandparents who were cunningly recruited from Northern India (Basti) in 1909 as indentured labourers to work on CSRâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sugarcane plantation, had established themselves as successful farmers but passed away during 1980s living for around 90 years each and my parents died early in 2000 hitting 70 years each. My early childhood was a typical middle class environment but as my parents moved on a separate farm of their own things became worse for a while before improving considerably. In the early stages of separation we experienced hardship and poverty but as my parents began managing their farm with better techniques our financial status improved. Our family was one of the most enterprising in those days because my parents had a very cordial relationship with the native residents of the village. They all lived in harmony and assisted each other in the farm. Hard work, honesty and community service and involvement were the norm of the family. My father eventually was elevated to the position of village headman and later as the president of the cultural group.

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My parents had nine children, two boys and seven girls. I was the eldest and had to work on the farm to help my parents while attending the village primary and then urban high school. My parents believed in educating the children according to their capabilities. I was fortunate to have entered schools with quality teachers who helped me excel and do well at school. Very early in life I found out that there is always light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. I then became a strong person who tended to be hopeful and confident about my future and my success for everything. I did not want to remain a persona non grata but be someone who was important and worthwhile for everyone. Life during the entire period of my indoctrination was smooth and exhilarating where all my Gurus gave me the best knowledge, skills and talents. However, my work life was not that easy and plain sailing. I had to struggle, meet the competition, fight for promotions and get recognized for scholarships. Consequently I became a residue from the school of hard knocks. Thus I was shaped, changed, controlled and fitted into the system as I wanted. My greatest asset was that I never gave up. 365

I went forth to serve the rural community as an educator and served well to be recognised for elevation to higher level of service. At the same time the people in authority sent me on scholarship to equip me adequately to serve even better. After my marriage and the birth of four intelligent children I became a successful education administrator, national examiner and curriculum innovator. National Industrial relations and international involvement became an extramural interest for me and I served the Union of teachers for two decades both nationally and internationally. I represented my country at various conferences and seminars around the world and presented research papers. Creativity has always been my forte so I edited a variety of journals, books and magazines and began writing and publishing my own fictional and non-fictional works. As a result of ministerial interference, jealousy and animosity I had to take my early retirement from government service to take the offer from a business organisation as their Director of Human Resource where I had the opportunity to contribute professionally and enhance my own academic qualification. A decade of active service in the commercial and industrial sector enabled me to get the best 366

human resource practices and the management of people in the business world. Through my international connection I was offered to take on the position of Senior Lecturer at Brisbane Youth Training Centre and had to apply to migrate to Australia. However, the health authorities in Canberra declared that I was obese and needed to shed at least ten kilogram of my weight. With the help of my medical practitioner I was able to overcome this hurdle and take up my new position with Education Queensland. I worked diligently with the institution for a decade before taking my retirement. Within this period in Australia I used my financial wisdom to buy and sell real estate in a speculative way thus using the profit from one sale to invest in the other. After trading in a few properties I managed to build my last home free from all encumbrances. By this time all my children were happily married and living their own family life independently and my wife and I lived in retirement. My wife developed heart and lungs malfunction and I had to become her fulltime carer. Despite so many medical manoeuvres we could not keep her safe and she passed away in 2013 leaving me and the family distraught. It took me good four years to get 367

over the shock and sadness of this loss. My indulgence in scriptures, healthy interaction with my family members and friends and various overseas trips acted as my therapy. Life was getting difficult to live alone because I too had developed a variety of health problems related to my thoracic domain such as SNIP, COPD and OSA Sleep Apnoea. My GP referred me to the Department of Community Services and they approved Aged Care Package for me to ease the problems and let me stay in my home independently. It became evident that I needed a fulltime carer myself and it was by a stroke of luck and coincidence that I became friends on social media with a lady with a lamp known as Ganga who had lost her spouse some nine years ago. We began communicating and somewhere and somehow we clicked and decided that we needed to get together for the rest of our life for mutual benefits. I will close out this autobiography with the most important thing in my life, my family. I am now remarried to my best friend, Ganga. We both are retired people of almost similar age, attitude and disposition. Today I am extremely happy that we are married and living a fruitful and rewarding life together. As time passes, this autobiography will also find some more epilogues that will be added. 368

RAM KI GANGA AND GANGA KA RAM All good stories begin with the words “Once Upon A Time” and our time began on 4th June 2016 when I was in USA at my only brother’s home in Boise Idaho. My brother had invited me for more bonding after both of us lost our wives. I arrived in Idaho on Saturday 4th June 2016 and began spending and having a wonderful time with my only brother Vijen Prasad and the family of his son Manish Prasad. We had great plans for the six week stay there and discussed a variety of social, cultural and economic challenges that faced us. Visiting places, eating at restaurants, cooking our type of food at home, shopping and enjoying a variety of events made our life a lot more open and enjoyable. I continued to add friends on my Facebook and fate took me to a lady by the name of Gangamma Naidu. We contacted each other on Monday 13th June with a request to be friends and within a few hours of interaction and communication we became friends and collected a lot of details about each other. 369

Mrs Gangamma Naidu was fascinated to read all my creativities that appeared on Facebook pages, on my personal wedsite and through Google search engine. I came to know that she was working as PA for the Dean of Fiji National University at Hoodless House in Suva in Fiji. By 15th June 2016 we had developed a deep personal feeling of friendship for each other and made our first phone call using Messenger. We discussed our past life in detail and thus I came to know that Ganga was born to parents Ayakan Goundaar from Tamil Nadu in India and Almeluamma in Waimari Nanuku in Raki Raki Fiji on 15th April 1952 and was educated at Dudley House in Suva. After her education she was trained as a secretary at Fiji Institute of Technology and got married to Veera Sami Nadi on 31st March 1972 but had lost her husband on 25th August 2008. They had two children a son, Dhananjay and a daughter Jaya. Ganga was living with the family of her son and daughter in law Jai and Luta Naidu and two grandchildren Emanuel and Nishtha at 11 Kaba Street Tamavua Suva Fiji. The daughter Jaya was married to Murli Krishna and was working as a Medical Practitioner in Florida 370

USA. They too had two children of their own, Nirav and Ayush. Ganga and I clicked well after knowing our backgrounds and confirmed our love for each other on 15th June 2016 over the phone and through messages on Messenger. Our communication continued and our intimacy kept increasing and when I reached home in Brisbane we began chatting more frequently and determined to establish our relationship. I decided to go and meet Ganga and her family on Friday October 7th 2016 and consolidate our feelings and relationship. I stayed at a hotel in Suva but went to Gangaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s home for dinner and discussion. I returned to Brisbane on Monday 17th October 2016. Consequently Ganga and I decided to strengthen our relationship and she retired from work by giving the FNU due notice on December 9th 2016 for the retirement to be effective from the end of the year. To make further arrangements and seal our relationship Ganga arrived in Brisbane on Saturday 10th December 2016 for three months. We visited almost all our family and friends to announce our relationship and even went to Kuala Lumpur to be with Rohitesh and Winnie for three weeks. 371

I took back Ganga to Fiji on Sunday 5th March 2017 and after staying there and meeting my family and friends as well as some of Gangaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s family and friends I returned to Brisbane on Sunday 12th March, 2017 with definite agreement that we would soon seal our relationship with our marriage. So I went back to Fiji on April 12th 2017 to sponsor Ganga and make application with the Australian Immigration and Border Protection in Suva on Tuesday 19th April 2016 by paying a fee of F$11800. After staying in Suva and Denarau in Nadi I returned home on 27th April 2017 and Ganga was granted a Visa Grant Notice for Prospective Marriage on May 10 2017. We began planning our future matrimonial activities and got a lot of support from Dr Naveen Sharma, my brother in law and also a Registered Marriage Celebrant as well as my neighbour Barry McGrath JP who acted as our support personnel by giving us the needed Statutory Declarations 888 in relation to our Visa application. My elder son Praanesh Prasad declined to give us the letter of support because he did not feel comfortable to do this as GM of the Company but my youngest child Rohitesh Prasad 372

willingly gave us the needed letter of support and declaration. Both Ganga and I were excited about our future and agreed to solemnize the marriage on Saturday June 10th 2017 when about thirty of our family and friends came to bless us for the matrimonial ceremony that Dr Naveen Sharma the Marriage Celebrant conducted at home. Our official witnesses were Dr Donna McGrath and Dr Suvenesh Prasad. After the marriage ceremony we had a lunch reception at Woka Woka restaurant for our guests. Dr Donna McGrath and Dr Vineeta Prasad made the speeches. Our life since our marriage has been running smoothly because we care for each other and have trust and respect for each other. We live happily because we do all our things together and love each other deeply.

Ganga N Prasad & Ram L Prasad 373

We entered into this relationship because we had developed special feelings for each other and we wanted to enjoy the final days of our life. Those who supported us came to bless us but those that showed some indifference stayed away. We honoured, tolerated and welcomed both the facets of our life.

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DEDICATION MY FATHER

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My father was a truly amazing man full of wise words He was kind, considerate and rich with right rewards Being a son of a farmer he was a vegetarian of a kind His thoughts were full of wisdom, a man of right mind My Dad was a very simple man and was always kind Often he would know what was going in my little mind I admired him because of his suggests and defends He listened and cared for me as did my best friends He was proud of my triumphs but when I got wrong He was patient, helpful and above all very strong All that I say and do my fatherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s words play a big part 376

There is always a big place for him deep in my heart Years go by and times do pass I am even more glad I am grateful and proud to honour him as my Dad He was in the sun, the wind, the rain and the land He is still in the air I breath that makes me stand He always sang the those songs of hope and cheer That often took all my pain and I never had any fear I keep seeing him in the sky and the clouds above He keeps whispering his words of wisdom and love He was a real gift from God Almighty for a child like me No matter what good or bad I did, he was always with me He taught me how to walk, talk and lead my way His patience and understanding were so good I say His unconditional love would never see any end As I get older he becomes like my good old friend He was sensitive to my needs, had a special touch 377

No wonder why I honour and love my Dad so much God took the strength of a mountain, the majesty of a tree He took the warmth of the summer sun and the calm of the sea Then He mixed the generous soul of nature and comforting arm of night Then the wisdom of the ages and the power of the eagleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s flight The joy of the morning of spring and the faith of the mustard seed The patience of eternity and the depth of the family need It was the combination of all these qualities and nothing more to add God knew that His masterpiece was complete so He called him my Dad As his eldest son I was privileged to be part of this great man I have always been proud to share my life with this unique man.

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MY MOTHER

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म ाँ की यही कह नी थी Maa Ki Yahi Kahani Thi स्वगग था मे रा नन्हा सा बचपन वो मााँ क गोद सुहात थ Swarg tha mera nanha sa bachpan wo maa ki god suhati thi दे ख दे ख अपने नौ बच्ोीं को वो फूल नह ीं समात थ Dekh dekh apne nau bachhon ko wo fooli nahi samaati thi ज़रा स भ ठोकर लग जात तो मााँ दौड दौड आत थ Jara si bhi thokar lag jaati to maa daudi daudi aati thi ज़ख्ोीं पर जब दवा लगात तो वो आीं सू अपन छु पात थ Jakhmon par jab dawa lagati to wo aansoo apni chhupati thi जब भ हम कोई जज़द करते तो प्यार से हमें समझात थ Jab bhi hum koi jidd karte to pyar se hame samjhati thi जब जब बच्े रूठे उससे, मे र मााँ उन्हें प्यार से मनात थ Jab jab bachhe roothe usse meri maa unhen pyar se manaati thi खेल खेलते हम जब भ कोई तो वो भ बच्ा बन जात थ Khen khelte hum jab bhi koi to wo bachha bann jaati thi सवाल अगर कोई न आता हम को ट चर बन के पढात थ Sawaal agar koi na aataa hum ko to teacher ban ke padhati thi क्लास में सब से आगे रहें हमे शा यह ह आस लगात थ Class mein sub se aage rahen hamesha yahi hi aas lagati thi 380

हमार तार फ़ अगर कोई भ करता गवग से वो इतरात थ Hamaari taarif jo agar koi bhi karta to garv se wo itarati thi होते अगर ज़रा भ उदास हम, दोस्त तु रन्त बन जात थ Hoten agar jara bhi udhas hum wo dost turant ban jaati thi हाँ सते रोते ब ता जो बचपन उसमे मााँ ह तो बस साथ थ Hanste rote beeta jo bachpan us mein maa hi to bas ek saathi thi मााँ के मन को हम समझ न पाये यह हमार नादान थ Maa ke mann ko hum samajh na paaye yeh hamaari naadaani thi वो ज त थ हम बच्ोीं के खाजतर मााँ क यह कहान थ Wo jeeti thi hum bachhon ke khatir hamare maa ki yahi kahaani thi राम लखन आज जो भ है वो सब उस के मााँ क दु वा है Ramlakhan aaj job hi hai wo sab uske maa ki duwa hai मााँ के सभ सेवाओीं के ऋण हैं हम ज वन सफल हुवा है Maa ke sabhi sewaawon ke rhini hain hum yeh jeevan safal huwa hai

The words for my mother are in her language because there is no other way I can express my true and loving feelings for my dear mother. 381

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MY LOVE TO MY PARENTS I wish I had known and fully realized How sweet and kind my parents were How gentle and how wise they were Their tender loving care Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve now realized. I simply took for granted from day to passing day Each sacrifice they made for me in the loving way But then I grew and finally learnt as all children do Their love meant a lot and they were thoughtful too So I look back to my parents with all the thanks They deserve my love and affection with thanks There arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t two dearer parents than the ones I had Let me send my love to my beloved mum and Dad. I have built my home on a hill to be nearer them Fruit trees, flowers and shrubs plenty to please them When I dwell in the yard, I feel I am with them They keep giving me the blessing and I thank them.

Ram Kumari & Bhagoati Prasad 383

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My grandmother was a great lady; stonehearted but kind and considerate. She knew what family life was about because I saw that no one left her home  With an empty belly  Without getting a bear hug  Without her saying “I love you”  Without her saying “come again”  Without her blessings. She touched my heart and soul and gave her richest love from my birth to her passing away. She did the same to all the family members, relatives and friends. My grandmother was unique and I miss her very much. 387

AFTER THOUGHTS OPTIMISM Opimism is a magnet of joy and continuous pleasure and if we stayed positive only half of our life and living then a lot of good things, better ideas and wise people would be drawn to us as we move on. I am optimistic that all my essays will be read and some of the points I have raised maybe of use to the readers. MY IDEAS I had discovered and kept a few firm ideas to abide by ever since my first day at work and those assisted me to steer the wheels of my life and living.  To keep learning new things everyday  To make enough money to get by  To keep my body and soul in shape  To be creative  To go forth and serve those in need  To have a worthy family life  To live and think freely  To love God and His creations. If these and the other ideas in the collection can assist my people to manage their life and living a little better than the present then I will be the happiest person.

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Words of Wisdom (WOW) When it comes to judging our broken clocks, We can always tell exactly when they stopped ticking. When it come to judging people it isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t so easy, Often we cannot even notice that they are broken. Procrastination is definitely the greatest thief of our time, Those of us who have learnt to do it now we beat the time. If we can find the correct answers to these two questions early in life, We will get the strength to identify exactly what we would want out of life. Who are you? is the first question that will bring change in your life, What do you want to achieve? is the next question that will give you new life.

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GOD’S MOST INTELLIGENT CREATIONHUMAN BEINGS We humans are born to conduct and relate ourselves with truth, goodness, beauty, love, friendliness, togetherness and kindness therefore we are expected to perform all the duties and responsibilities of humanity with honour and dignity. We are made to tell the world that everyone is equal despite our different looks; beliefs and status, there are no outsiders. God Almighty created us as the most enlightened beings to exist on this planet or elsewhere as one God’s human family. However, the more civilized and educated we have became we have created divisions among us by making us different religiously, socially, economically and politically. We no longer are able to enjoy that peaceful living of a global human family. We hate and fight with each other like animals at homes, in the communities and with different nations. I only wish that everyone of this universe could co-exist as human beings and follow the principles of humanity rather than dividing ourselves into fragments despite being God’s most intelligent creation. WHITHER GOEST THOU !

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I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL MY CREATIONS These essays have been written to present my points of views that are valid for me and they all try to persuade the readers but it is not necessary that the readers agree with my contentions. These essays have everything that needed to be said by me on a particular topic and the readers can evaluate and make comments in their own essays and contributions if they so wish. Dr Ram Lakhan Prasad 1940 to 2020

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My Reflections I thank my parents and the Almighty God for allowing me to come in this world some seventy two years ago. I have persisted to continue on and breathe for as long as I can safely do so. I have continued to learn much grace and intelligence each and everyday from everyone around me. I thank everyone for making me a person that I represent today. These are my reflections and no one needs to agree or disagree with these. Take whatever you can to assess your own living. We human beings are subject to a lot of things and one of those aspects is the realization of being right and wrong. This aspect makes us somewhat different from all the other species of animals. We are supposed to be the most intelligent of all living creatures on earth. When anyone deviates from this norm one is not worth living a full and honest life. Even if I got it wrong at times I kept trying to make my wrongs to teach me the rights and my rights to show me my wrongs. I have always tried to be the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; in LIFE so that I could see the difference between the right and the wrong. Thus I was always able to appreciate each moment of my life that I was given to enjoy. I needed to be loyal with my people, fair in my words deeds and thoughts and efficient in my daily activities.

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I have always tried my best to sincerely understand everything and everyone and I know that I am an intellectual person about most matters in life yet deep down I fully know that there is much more to living a healthy, peaceful and enjoyable family life than just intellectually understanding everything and everyone. Everyone is ignorant in some field and I am no exception. Whenever and wherever I notice my ignorance I immediately accept it as my downfall but I do not stop there but I endeavour to improve my fault. I only hope that the rest of the world begins to think like this. I have come to realize that I do not understand a lot of things that affect us in life. In fact I have come to accept uncertainty. Part of my problem remains that I want to be certain of my uncertainty. This has been the hardest episode of my living. I know fully well that I am just passing ‘this way’ this one time and therefore I am certain that any good that I may do or any kindness that I may show to anyone has to be done now and here. So I cannot defer nor neglect this important aim or mission of my living because I may not pass ‘this way’ again. There may not be a second chance so I am determined to make the best of this coming. I would love when I am certain that the rest of the society begins to understand this simple philosophy. Consequently, I have decided to preach a gospel that I

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should try to be compassionate and kind to others and to myself. The question is “How”? I have often asked myself a very pertinent question- What are the most sincere and persistent efforts that I would like to make in my own life? I have been searching for a suitable answer to this important question – Who am I and What is my life’s purpose? I have put my most persistent effort to this project but have failed many times and felt discouraged. However, the drive within me has been so strong internally that I learnt to get up again and continue to seek and find alternatives. I have come quite far from where I first started this difficult journey but I have a long way to go. The greatest good will come to all of us if we began to fully understand the Who, What, Where, Why and How of our living. One lesson that I have learnt along the way is that I must love my own self properly first before I can give my love to anyone else. Love is a feeling that is self-generative and if one can generate it for oneself than it become very easy to give it to others. I wish to love all but I must first start by loving me. Sounds selfish but it has value for human living. If we learnt to love ourselves we will be able to pass that compassion to everyone around us. I also learnt that whenever I am doing something that is coming from within, it does not feel like work or task but 394

feels like â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;vacationâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;. Instead of draining me and making me tired, it simply energizes me. I also found out that it really helped me to be on this path and peaceful journey because I have had support from my great family, faithful friends and my brilliant teachers that have been constantly enriching my life. No man is an island and I do not profess to be one either. I know that it has been hard to make sincere effort throughout my life to be a servant to everyone and be selfless in my services to my family, friends and the society but while I was trying to achieve this goal it made me feel good. I must confess that this selfless interest has not come to the top of my deeds and I have been selfishly trying to do things for myself over the last seventy years but I have made several efforts to change my route sometimes with success but many times I have failed. But I have not given up. I know I can do it. I will do it. The very day we all come to realize this mission of ours on earth we would definitely blessed. Now I realize that one of the ways I can gain those things is to give to others what I really want. I must find ways to make others feel good around me, help people to find their self-confidence and self-worth and above all to help people discover their own genius. I feel this is a good path to follow in this world. I will make every effort to go along this road. It is better to be late than never begin on such a worthy destination. 395

My greatest struggle has been to live in this shifted consciousness and not to go back to my old deeds, needs and way of life. This is the journey that I have been trying to conduct when I wrote “Motivation Towards 2000’ and other articles of interest for people. My short stories and poems speak very loudly for the readers to give them time to tarry a little in their own busy lives and start thinking for themselves. My novel Khamoshi speaks for itself to warn people to be righteous and helpful. I realize that being ‘other cantered’ might never happen but if I can remember to touch people, move them to discover who they are and inspire them to go after their dreams and believe that they are bigger than who they think they are, even once a week consistently, then I would consider myself sincere and purposeful. I am happy that I am doing the things right for a change. I know we all can take these simple steps in our life time. Earlier in life I was doing things for gaining selfappreciation, success, prestige and fame etc but the day when I had a shift of focus I have begun doing things differently. It is about giving in many cases. Giving love, compassion, happiness, ideas, advice and ease of doing things to others is now making me happier. I have seen that this shift of paradigm has enabled me to work differently, think of alternatives, remain happy without worrying about what I get in return, gain more pleasure

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and listen to the needs of others. I feel good and this reflects into my good health. I now realize the true meaning of what Mahatma Gandhi once said, an ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching. Rather than standing on a pulpit to preach I practice my beliefs. Many of these beliefs have been put in writing in multiple forms and many have been spoken at specific meetings where I was called to speak to the members of Jaycees, Lions, Rotarians and other Youth Groups, After so many years of hard life I know that there is so much more to us and our experience than the next news story, the gossip around town, who drives us nuts, what to wear today, what to do, where to shop, where our next vacation is, and all the activities surrounding the almighty dollar by getting ahead-being the best-competing and clawing our way to the top. In short it is so true now that I am much more than my job description. I do not have a set task but change my duty statement according to the wish of my family, my friends and the society at large. When I peel back all the layers of my unconscious living, I am really able to rediscover my heart and soul. Within my heart and thoughts I fully well know what is true and necessary. I do just those things that make me happy. I lead myself to serve others for the higher good. I am ready to connect to my passion, my humble gifts to do my work, to take whatever action, and not be attached to the outcome.

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When I am connected to what I know to be the truth about why I am here, I have tapped into the wellspring of boundless energy that is the Universe. I do not worry about the customs and traditions that hinder but I love the ones that give me courage and promote my welfare. I wake up each morning with a definite purpose and a clear vision. I rest in the calm peace that comes with the deepest sense of gratitude. Each encounter, each step, each conversation, each smile is heavenly and holistic. I enjoy my life as it is and not as others want it to be. I am guided by the Big Self, my words, my thoughts, my feelings and my heart. I express my Spirit which is Universal and connected to each Spirit within each heart, to everything around me, within me, and continue to nurture that with each of my breaths. While I am on this journey of my life, I am experiencing life and all it offers to me. I know what I am doing. In fact everyone will be able to achieve this excellence in life if they tried their best for a change. With this experience comes my deeper understanding of what it is to ‘fail’, or to make a ‘mistake’. I may judge myself or others by my ‘failures’ or by my ‘mistakes’, based on cultural norms and expectations, and when I do this unconsciously I suffer and cause suffering. For me that cannot be what is true spiritually. Each experience can offer Love, and I can live in Love in this effort. The relationship I have with all sentient beings can be the expression of this Love. Full effort is fully living. Being present with the effort is life. Putting down attachment to the outcome of such divine effort is the ultimate in moksha

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(liberation) and experiencing this deepest joy daily is ananda (bliss). Therein lies my full victory. In conclusion let me categorically state this for my readers. I also feel a certain discomfort with the overly strong morality and rigor. The paradox is that rigor is both very nourishing and also very draining. In reading and understanding my reflections one has to remember that all our bodies and minds are made differently and are very sensitive and respectful to behave differently at different times, in varied situations and changing circumstances. We also need to realize that we come from different conditioning and many varieties of socio-cultural-economic backgrounds over our evolutionary cycle. Hence, it might be beautiful to feel inspired by someone elseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s love and integrity in life, but at the same time one should be very aware that one is not "trying to become like someone else." Everyone has own individuality and this must be preserved at all cost. For there is nothing more nourishing than being TRUE to our own truth and nothing more draining than trying to ape someone. The greatest violence on us is idealism. To live around "I should do this" or "I should be like that!" is difficult but some individuals can perform to meet these challenges whereas others fail to live up to that expectation. I have over the years tried to reform myself to serve better for my family and friends and do better than what I was able to do previously. So I always needed assistance and maybe positive criticism so that could truthfully say I CAN. I have presented my views on the deterioration of Hinduism and have demanded that there should be change to meet the 399

newer generation of followers. I have reviewed our religious literature and have shown that many people are blind followers in this world of logic and better comprehension. I will continue to press on regardless for the needed change in the modern society but anyone who has a different view has the right to agree to disagree with my philosophies. I have no qualms with that because that is what we term as the freedom of thought and speech.

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENT I acknowledge the kind blessings and love of Almighty God for giving me this life and allowing me to experience all the aspects throughout my life. I dedicate this publication to my grandparents, parents and teachers, who taught me to think, understand and express. I earnestly feel that without their inspiration, able guidance and dedication I would not have been able to complete this publication with such an ease. All those family members, relatives and friends who rallied behind me all my life to assist me in any way, I thank you sincerely and heartily for that little push, smart pull and the needed inspiration. My secret admirer deserves my sincere appreciation for expressing the worthy words in the Foreword for me. Those who acted as editors for this publication deserve my hearty appreciation. Of course, I acknowledge the wisdom of all the authors I read and admired. Ram Lakhan Prasad 76 Ghost Gum Street Bellbowrie, Qld 4070

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My Birth Place RLP/2.2.2018 403

THE PROCESS OF GETTING OLDER At my age of almost 80 I have begun to dislike getting older. My understanding is gradually fading. Sometimes I find it difficult to connect to people I like. I am not even able to weave the stories of my experiences and worst of all I find it hard to apply them to any of my advbantages any more. I regret making a lot of mistakes in my life and have learnt a few things from them but I cannot integrate those lessons any more as I used to do. Things over the years have become more and more difficult, cumbersome, painful, lonely and disturbing as I move ahead. I find it hard to see beauty around me as I used to do. However, my faith in the Supreme Being has strengthened maybe because of fear, societal and communal pressures as well as my own beliefs. I continuously perform the act of repentance and this gives me courage to live and let others live peacefully. I am trying to live a life of a hermit and even that is not helping me. One thing that surely keeps me going is the sincere love, kindness, care and some useful and emphatic communication from my loving wife Ganga. This process of getting older is difficult but I am managing reasonably well with the help and blessings of the Lord. This is one of the reasons I have stopped writing any more because I fear that I may offend people through my democratic right. I would like my people to continue enjoying all the creative presentations that are found in my library, online at freeebooks,net and on my Google Drive as well as Google Plus. Let this be my last wish.

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