Power of parenting by Dr Ram L Prasad

POWER OF PARENTING A HANDBOOK FOR PARENTS 2013 Authors Mrs Saroj K Prasad & Dr. Ram Lakhan Prasad

“Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.” ― Benjamin Franklin

POWER OF PARENTING A HANDBOOK FOR PARENTS “Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.”

― Anne Frank 2

A Guide to All Parents Experiences of Retired Teachers and Successful Parents

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SOME OF OUR BELIEFS We firmly believed that our children needed our presence more than our presents. We learnt that children thrive when we as parents set before them increasingly difficult, but always manageable challenges. We had never done for our children what they were capable of doing for themselves.

Compiled By Dr Ram Lakhan Prasad (BA Dip Ed (USP); PGCE (UK); M B A (UCAL); DBA (PWU); JP, CDec )

& Mrs Saroj K Prasad

(BEd (USP); BTchg EC(QUT); B.Ed (BCAE); Cert Ed(Fiji))

Retired Educators January, 2013

CONTENTS Introduction Our Commitments Better Family Life Every Child Is An Individual Emotional Problems Of Our Children Helping Children to Develop Other Types of Personality Developing More Personal Qualities in Children Developing Needed Human Qualities in Children The Adolescent Assessment & Career Development Conclusion ѰѰѰѰѰ

INTRODUCTION In his introductory remarks of Super Parenting our friend Professor William Maxwell mentions that there is a growing body of evidence that one of the primary inventors of the pillars of civilization is children. We could not agree more with this, hence our attempt to write this handbook for new parents. Our objectives of writing this booklet are very simple. We intend to provide some guidance to new parents so that they can raise their children well enough to meet the challenges of the twenty-first century. We all want our children to properly fit into the society as lawabiding, healthy and intelligent citizens. The demands of modern living make our family life difficult and as parents we need to be constantly reminded to act diligently and carefully when it comes to looking after our children well and respectfully. Saroj, my wife and I have successfully raised four of our own children and

assisted our children to manage our eight grandchildren. We have also taught thousands of young children in various primary and secondary schools and colleges in Fiji, UK, Australia, USA and New Zealand. We can confidently say that we have adequate experience to give reasonable guidance to our family members, relatives and friends. Of course, the general public can also take our guidance if they desire to raise their own children or grandchildren as we did. We are mindful of the fact that many of our modern parents are well versed with a lot of excellent ideas and appropriate skills to look after and raise their children and might not need our guidance but they can use some of our ideas to enrich their parental obligations and spread this knowledge to others who may need them. However, those parents who think that they could benefit from our experiences, we would be honoured to share this important information with them.

We sincerely hope that the information contained in this Handbook would help

many of our new parents to find answers to questions about child rearing. Through this publication we also hope to further improve the good relationship between the parents and teachers because we expect that after reading the information contained here, more parents would be ready and eager to consult the teachers of their children about the overall educational, spiritual, physical and emotional developments of their children.

The ever-increasing demands of our modern living, dictate that there should be more frequent and meaningful interactions among the educational agents such as the parents, teachers and the community. This healthy interaction will definitely enlighten all of us to recognise our duties and responsibilities towards our growing up children. Our frank and fair discussions about the total development of our children will assist us improve our education system and we will all contribute effectively to building a better nation.

The ideas contained in this Handbook are not exhaustive but many of our more successful parents and teachers could add their knowledge and experiences to enrich this presentation. We wish you every success in the total development of your children. One of our friends and colleagues Gordon Dryden presented us his book titled: Unlimited: The New Learning Revolution and the Seven Keys to Unlock it when we attended his information meeting in Gold Coast. This publication is extremely vital for every parent and teacher of this century. We, as retired educators and parents, liked the seven keys to unlock the newest revolution. The writers reveal the secret by saying that the revolution is personal, interactive, global, instant, mainly free, easily shared and co-operative. This Learning Web Book can be seen by going to their website: www.thelearningweb.net.

In their introductory remarks the writers say that the keys to unlock the future are

simple but revolutionary and once they are unlocked, that revolution has the power to unleash the combined talents of millions.

Our handbook is one way to assist the revolutionary parents. We have given our assistance and advice to many parents who sought our ideas. It was on their encouragement that we decided to publish our ideas. â&#x20AC;&#x17E;If we are determined to use all the available outward means as well as all our natural abilities to overcome and manage every obstacle that come in our path we will then gradually utilize and develop the unlimited potential that lies within us to succeed in any aspect of life. We just have to think positively and generate our willpower. These internal human gifts will make us see all our successes revealed for us.â&#x20AC;&#x; Prasad, RL and SK Prasad.

CHAPTER 1 OUR COMMITMENTS The new styles of modern living and the increasing demands of family life have prompted us to discuss the issue of raising our children and put some workable suggestions for the benefit of the new parents. Like many educationists, we too are concerned with the deteriorating behaviour of some of our children both at home and in schools. There is definitely an urgent need for all of us to do some rethinking and self-analysis as far as the development of our children is concerned.

An educational revolution is needed to unlock the talents of our children. We must find and use new educational strategies, better teaching methods and appropriate child rearing practices if we want our children to become more

responsible and good citizens. Since the children spend a lot of their free time with their parents, peers and the community, it is vital that these important socialising agencies act and react well with them at all times. Then and then only, the total development and behaviour of our children will match our expectations. Failure to perform acceptable child rearing practices will produce many more children with behaviour problems at home, school and society. Children need proper motivation, continued encouragement and a lot of stimulation in their home, at school and in the community. It is the responsibility of everyone to provide these important factors of child development. We must share our good experiences with our children; read, play and sing with our children; interact with meaning, control effectively and give them all the possible love; and above all we should never ever fail to set good behaviour models for them.

In our fast changing environment we have to develop, educate and train our children for future complexities and difficulties. We must look for new ways of interacting with our children and we must broaden our own knowledge about the needs of our growing children. Let us keep abreast with some of the modern educational and technological developments around us.

Once we find out that our strategies are not working according to our plan we can try to do the following: (i)

Review the essential skills learnt by our children (ii) Follow new paths of development (iii) Discuss things with others around you (iv) Prepare the children to fit well in the home and the community (v) Re look at their hygiene, grooming and habits (vi) Provide moral, ethical and religious knowledge

When our friend Bill Maxwell gave his th book to us on July 18 2010 he wrote: To Saroj and Ram Prasad -Australiaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Best Parents. We were humbled by this. â&#x20AC;&#x17E;..well organized people will have learned in childhood, from significant people in their lives- their parents- the basic principle that will enable them to meet the challenges of life with confidence: the orderly person attracts success, the world is intolerant of disorderly.â&#x20AC;&#x; (William Maxwell, et el-Super Parenting)

Remember that our success lies largely in our commitment and eagerness to love, look after and liaise with our children. Never leave them alone; always be there for them and support them all the way.

Let us have the courage and conviction to take the pledge that appears on the next page.

OUR PLEDGE TO OUR CHILDREN To all our children who are our most cherished hopes, we your parents make this pledge that:

WE WILL : Give you our love so that you may grow with trust in yourself and in others. Recognize your worth as a person and we will help you to strengthen your sense of belonging. Respect your right to be yourself and at the same time help you to understand the rights of others, so that you may experience cooperative living. Encourage you to develop initiative and imagination, so that you may

have the opportunity to create freely. Encourage your curiosity and your pride in workmanship, so that you may have the satisfaction that comes from achievement. Provide the conditions for wholesome play that will add to your learning, your social experience and to your happiness. Illustrate by precept and example the value of integrity and the importance of moral courage. Encourage you always to seek truth, beauty and goodness in everything and everyone. Provide you with all the opportunities possible to develop your own faith in God and humanity.

Open the way for you to enjoy all forms of art and to pursue them for deepening your understanding of life. Work to rid ourselves of prejudice and discrimination so that together we may achieve a truly democratic society. Work to lift the standard of living to improve your economic practices, so that you may have the material basis for a full life. Provide you with rewarding educational opportunities, so that you may develop your talents and contribute to a better world. Protect you against exploitation and undue hazards and help you grow in good health and strength. Work to conserve and improve family life and, as needed, to

provide foster care according to your inherent rights. Intensify our search for new knowledge in order to guide you more effectively as you develop your potentialities. Ask you to join us in a firm dedication to the building of a world society based on freedom, justice and respect. We take this pledge so that we may grow in joy, in faith in God and in humanity, and in those qualities of vision and of the spirit that will sustain us all and give us a new hope for the future.

CHAPTER 2 BETTER FAMILY LIFE We firmly believe that being a good and responsible parent is one of the most pleasant and important tasks in this world.

Parents who are acceptant, moderately indulgent, democratic and warmly affectionate have a home that is as near to satisfaction as can be expected and their children are generally well balanced, secure and happy. Those parents, who try to reflect on their own childhood and make an effort to understand themselves first, find it easier to deal with their children with greater care and control. They are more able to guide their children to lead a happier life and move effectively towards adulthood. It is true that the parents, who are able to instil the acceptable virtues of good human beings into their children, are

successful in making the life of their children comfortable and smooth. All parents are expected to play various roles in the development of their children. The best that can be done in a brief handbook on such a massive field of though is to present a few broad and basic guidelines and concepts that are generally acceptable as being workable and worthwhile. One point that needs to be emphasised is the growing up of children as an important member of the family unit. The children must belong to the family and learn to be part of the unit in doing things together.

We have heard many educationists say that if you want to be classed as a good and effective parent you are expected to perform a variety of duties and responsibilities with dignity and diligence. Let us outline a few of these for the information of those parents who care about the total development of their children.

Encourage your children to learn to do what they should, behave as they should, set an example of sensible and right behaviour and talk to them about the results of good behaviour and the consequence of bad. Control when necessary, but try to establish an atmosphere of healthy freedom where your children can gradually learn to make better decisions for themselves. Punish when necessary and restrain by reasonable means with as little anger as is humanly possible. Try to couple the behaviour with related punishment. Later discuss it frankly, so they can learn by it. In short all punishment must suit the extent of misconduct but never be violent.

Try to fully understand your youngsters by realising that they are growing personalities who face new and puzzling challenges and problems everyday. Give your children a sturdy sense of warm acceptance as a valued member of the

family. Genuinely accept and value your children, but not necessarily their wrong behaviour or attitudes. Show your love by a temperate affection zone so your children are free to grow up emotionally. Respect their need for privacy or thought and feeling, but be available as a mature person for guidance. Your children should be able to trust and confide in you for all their important problems and decisions.

Good parents know that there are at least three types of discipline that are considered poor: Control by domination No discipline at all

Variation from extreme severity to extreme leniency. Good parents also know that they should accept childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2DC;s emancipation as

desirable and inevitable and encourage them on a gradual basis to handle money, get in and out of own difficulties, not be allowed to dodge the outcome of their own bad judgement, choose more and more of their own friends. Then, for our children, time and availability on the part of parents, are necessary ingredients to develop the possibility for family fun, communication and supportive influence.

Not only these above mentioned suggestions but also there may be many others that other parents have tried and were successful in developing a better family life. So it would be a good idea to learn from the successes and failures of your friends who have children of their own. Nobody knows everything and to discuss things with trusted friends increases our knowledge. Giving your best shot at raising your children is not only your duty but it is your right and responsibility. To be successful in your parental obligations

would mean a better family, a peaceful community, a responsible society and a harmonious nation. Everyone around you and your children would always admire your contributions as a parent. Go forth and serve. We can only stress the point that the writers make in their publication “Unlimited” that history‘s newest education revolution is personal where information and learning programs can be personalized and tailored to your own passions, talents, interests and needs. And where you can share your own talents and skills with the millions – for both fun and income.

CHAPTER 3 EVERY CHILD IS AN INDIVIDUAL Every child is an individual and requires separate recipe for emotional, physical, social, mental, spiritual and intellectual development, so we must treat them in that way. We can class children into three broad categories, namely: slow, average and brilliant. Generally speaking most of our school systems are geared to be catering for the average children but recent educational developments and thoughts have made our teachers cater for the entire three categories well. However, the parents need to understand this vital phenomenon in child development in order to supplement and enhance the work of the teachers. Believing that each child is unique we must look at the individual differences in each child and then assist in the

development of all the talents that are possible for that child. Then the total growing up of your child would be meaningful and progressive. There is no test that can measure all the intricacies of each childâ&#x20AC;&#x2DC;s personality but trained educational personnel nowadays have developed many appropriate tests that can help parents identify and plan the future developmental needs of their children. Always remember that the interpretation of any test on children must be done carefully and weighed against a lot of other available information. If a child with high intelligence is to gain better results and succeed academically then the total learning of that child must be well planned and be accompanied by appropriate motivation and interest. If on the other hand you have a child who is a slow learner then there are many ways and methods to assist the child develop to his or her full potentiality. Appropriate early childhood intervention is absolutely vital in helping the child to meet the challenges in the formative years.

Every parent should know that there are aptitudes and factors other than inborn or innate intelligence that influence a childâ&#x20AC;&#x2DC;s development and productivity. A healthy and conducive environment at home and in the community plays a major role in shaping the future of our children. Each parent should know how to select the environment that they would like their children to grow up in. One specific point to remember though is that these aspects could be manipulated to the childâ&#x20AC;&#x2DC;s advantage if the parents learn to sacrifice some of their own time and interest for their children. A very busy schedule in business and other life commitments need to be planned well to look after the needs of our children.

To cater for the individual needs of the child and to honour the individual differences all parents should know that children have different depths of creativity, reasoning power, mechanical abilities, musical and artistic talents, and general expression.

Therefore, we cannot expect that every child can fulfil all our dreams, wishes and expectations. Some children will do well, some will be average and some will be slow to develop their skills and abilities. There is no need to be hasty in this area of child development. Taking all the initiative to meet the individual needs of different types of children is necessary from early childhood. Positive reinforcement, adequate motivation, proper encouragement and accelerating your own efforts to look after the needs of the individual child will provide your family the best results and effective development.

Let us go back to the book “Unlimited” again and remind our readers that the new educational revolution should be “-interactive with new digital platforms and templates to make it easy, simple and fun to learn by doing, playing, creating, producing and interacting – a new world of creative experiences.‟

Remember not to drive your children beyond their capabilities but always remember that we can enhance the capacity of our children to work better at home, in school and in the community. If the children show enthusiasm and brilliance we should fully meet their wishes and directions with care and interest. Proving proper and adequate educational, social, and developmental tools to all your children will better equip them to face all aspects of life with greater enthusiasm and they will be fully prepared with a mind to think for a higher level. It is believed that superior mind must be harnessed and driven to achieve good results. Things that promote and provide the best learning climate for our children are early intervention, extensive reading opportunities, adequate play and physical activities, providing enough opportunity for oral expression and active participation in some of the useful activities of the family. Of course toys play a large part in the development of our

children and the more toys the children use the greater would be their interaction. We cannot overemphasise the need to provide full attention and care to the individual needs of your children. Let them join our public library services to borrow reading, viewing and listening materials. Consult teachers, family members and friends to get up to date knowledge on child development. In the days of increasing information technology we can go on various useful websites to broaden our knowledge of child development and parental responsibilities. Educationists and teachers have found that there are some parental indulgences that can put children in difficulty for their development at home and in schools. These are over protection of your children, exerting too much pressure for their higher achievement and not controlling the unacceptable behaviour of your children. It is always advantageous for the parents to have moderate aims and standards than sticking to so high

objectives and standards that cannot be reached easily by your children. Homes where the parents share in the excitement of the children and impose fewer restrictions, the best results are obtained. Fortunately modern educational research and techniques have found that all types of children can be trained to a higher level of thinking and activities. Whatever the abilities of the children, try to make a realistic appraisal and without any heavy pressure, provide conducive and healthy environment if you expect good results from your children.

Nothing is impossible if you put in your genuine efforts to assist your children. That would be successful parenting. The not so bright child can become competent and helped to develop a realistic self-esteem and confidence. So let us do everything possible to ensure that our children develop well to fit into the society and be valuable and effective citizens of our nation. Let us all note that good adjustments in educational

development of children are made from successes and not failures. The growing children need family support and not rejection. So as one of the seven keys of the new learning revolution says that „it is global where the ever-expanding world-wide Internet owned by no one, used by everyone; where the combined knowledge of humankind is now available to virtually all at the tap of a digital keyboard or a touch screen.‟ Are we ready and responding favourably and ably to this aspect of our children‘s development?

CHAPTER 4 EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS OF OUR CHILDREN If we want to be successful parents we should be careful observers. We must carefully observe the eyes, ears, tongue, limbs, nose, skin and all other organs of our children for any suspected abnormality. Two terms that may help parents are neurotic and psychotic. A neurotic person has some emotional problems that can cause inconvenience in daily life. These are problems with which they cannot deal on the basis of common sense because they are not aware of their existence. They will not be able to seek treatment themselves. The psychotic person has problems that are deeply built into their total personality and are often of such early origin that they are unaware of the degree to which they

handicap them. They rarely seek help voluntarily. Any slight disorder that we observe should be referred to a doctor or other specialists who would be able to diagnose the problem and give us appropriate advice. As parents we should be able to recognise any abnormality in our children and take necessary steps to get professional help because early detection and treatment will help us avoid more serious problems later. Successful parents will normally watch for and be aware of such signs of early disturbances in their children as: Wide swings in mood that seem unrelated to the environment. Unusual withdrawing from normal contacts with others. Persistent fearful spells.

Increasing restlessness sleeplessness.

and

Signs that they feel too different. Unusual stubborn spells bluster up unreasonably.

that

Feeling unloved and unvalued as a person. Sudden or disturbing changes in attitude about sex, toileting or bathing. Change in school work to noticeable poorer performance. Cheating, lying or stealing episodes that are out of proportion to pressures. Lowered self-control and frequent temper flare-ups. Increasing hostile reactions to mild criticism.

Crying and depression spells that are out of proportion to apparent causes. Excessive secretiveness frequent basis.

Radical personality changes, usually following physical illness or injury. Excessive concern about health even when quite well. Lowering of attention span. Destructive or cruel tendencies. Even mild complaints that they feel strange about themselves. There may be other disturbing factors as well but having detected any one of these or a combination of these, the parents should seek professional advice to clear the doubts or cure the problems of the children.

Let us look at a few ideas that could help parents develop certain skills, traits and habits in the children. If you have assisted your children to develop a high degree of accuracy within them then they will no doubt receive many of life‘s richest rewards. To develop accuracy of thought, craftsmanship and statement, it is wise to develop a sense of ―let‘s look it up‖ rather than giving and accepting a guesswork and vague information.

Always give accurate answers to your children and provide them a good dictionary, an encyclopaedia, an atlas and other reference books that they can consult to get accurate answers. If you have access to Internet then show them the search engines of Google, Yahoo and others on the website so that they can find the accurate answers themselves. However, let the children also know that fantasy and imagination are part of their world as well. Teach your children the penalties of inaccuracies. The children

must be made aware of the endless confusion, hardships and heartaches that can be caused by carelessness and inaccuracies. If your children have learnt to get along harmoniously with other children and people then you have done well as a parent. It is important to make your children conform readily to new situations, different circumstances and varied environments. It would be helpful to ask your children to give you their suggestions during sudden misfortune, family emergencies and unexpected happenings. Take them to unfamiliar places and make them meet new people. Your relationship with your children should be one of mutual acceptance and unconditional love. Then your children will learn to adapt and adjust themselves to various conditions and situations in life. It is important to remember that our children cannot be happy and emotionally secure unless they feel that they are loved

and trusted. Without ―spoiling‖ your children give them abundance of love so that they develop an affectionate nature for themselves and can trust themselves as well as their family members. Your participation in your child‘s growth and development has to be ‗instant for the first time in history, the ability to learn anything -just in time, when you need it, as you need it, at your request and in your own way.‟ (Unlimited)

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CHAPTER 5 HELPING CHILDREN TO DEVELOP OTHER TYPES OF PERSONALITY Good personality development in children is largely dependent on the early efforts of the parents. We want our children to be alert and attentive, calm and collected, bold and brave, confident and self-motivated and above all full of enthusiasm and energy but all these traits in human beings do not always come naturally. We need to nurture these and ensure that our children grow up with these and many more good human traits to lead a healthy, wealthy and wiser life. If your children are alert and attentive then they can definitely learn to take care of themselves in this competitive and fast moving world. Your children can be developed to be reasonably good at various types of games, their schoolwork and in other demands of family life.

Parents need be methodical in their approach and be very patient. If you are able to keep your children healthy, fit and happy, keep their world about them interesting, show them that there is fascination in common things then you are successful in broadening their interest and keeping their spirit of adventure alive. So instead of interrupting the concentration of your children, you must regularly be with your children, see what they are doing and try to share their interest for a moment before you ask then to do any work for you. These actions will hopefully make your children more alert and attentive. If your children are able to pay careful attention to and concentrate well on their work at home, in school and in the community, then as parents you have been able to give them adequate training and great value. You can develop solid concentration in the children by giving them appropriate and adequate play and

work materials with many possible uses. Guide them towards new possibilities as soon as they seem restless and tired. Always admire what the children do themselves and avoid distractions while they work, play and study. In order to develop the traits such as appreciation and gratitude among your children, it is advisable that you follow the Biblical injunction: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think of these things.â&#x20AC;? Once you have taught your children to appreciate and express gratitude for all the kind and lovely things of life, your children are certain to be popular throughout their life. Our modern living demands that we look at the virtues that teach the

essence of: Satyam! Shiwam!! Sundaram!!! Which mean - truth, beauty and goodness. We have been told that all children treasure their aspirations and they can be greatly influenced by their parents and their home life. Our children aspire to be like their beloved parents and later in life they choose role models or their heroes on these models. Never make fun of your childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2DC;s aspirations. If your boys want to become firemen, aviators, detectives or sailors and your girls prefer acting, nursing, teaching or cooking, encourage them and show your faith in their lofty ideals, praise their progress but do not impose your own aspirations on your children. As the children grow up, their aspirations and choice of career would change, and with careful guidance you as parents can make them admire and work towards their choices with best results and quality thoughts.

Many of our children are neither cautious nor prudent and can fall into danger but we as parents have to protect our children from all dangers by making them aware of all good safety practices and giving them the knowledge about any dangers that they are going to face in their growing up process. Children quickly learn to be cautious when they encounter things that hurt them. This self-awareness leads them to become cautious and prudent themselves. However, if we continuously warn our children of danger and instil fear of darkness, ghosts, villains, giants and other terrible things, we are teaching our children some aspects of cowardice. Instead of keeping children out of the water or swimming pools it is vital that we teach them how to swim well. Similarly, instead of forbidding them to climb up the tree or stairs we must teach them to do these things safely. Let the children learn to rely on themselves as far as possible so that they can recognize on coming danger and to

meet or face these themselves. Our children must be taught the right way to cross the street and to carry knives and scissors so that they realise the danger in these activities and be cautious. Simply speaking we must tell our children to move ahead but warn them to watch their steps. Our children must have firm belief that things would turn out for the best and to brighten their lives they should learn to be cheerful. Optimism and cheerfulness among our children rest largely upon their good health and their faith in the parental love. To keep the children happy we need to do little things like giving a genuine word of praise, telling a little joke, singing a song, playing a game and providing simple toys. Parents should always show sympathy for pain and disappointment in the children. It is absolutely vital that we as parents instil a habit of cleanliness among our children. Cleanliness brings good health and we all know that â&#x20AC;&#x2022;a sound body has a sound mindâ&#x20AC;&#x2013;. We also know that

cleanliness is next to godliness. Firstly, the parents should set good examples and then it will be easier to ask children to wash hands before meals and after visiting the toilets, brush teeth after every meal, comb hair properly and put on clean clothes. If we show our children clean and healthy attitude to life then our children will automatically learn to be clean and healthy. The state of feeling sure and certain grows in the children gradually. If as parents we are to make our children confident, we are improving their chances of success. Instead of giving up and running away from difficult situations and undertakings they learnt to tackle these head on. The confident children will size up, prepare themselves and tackle these tasks with determination and definitely show good progress and success. We as parents should show our confidence in childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2DC;s schoolwork, their teachers, friends and neighbours. Our faith will make the children develop better selfconfidence as well as maintain confidence

in others. So let us make our children realize their limitations because if they fail and understand the reasons for their failures then they will be better prepared to try again. We must let the children realize that they have the required confidence within them and they know that they can do the work. The state of being satisfied with what one has is very rare quality in human beings. A wise family refrains from uttering such words as, ―we wish we could afford that‖ or ―we wish our father had better job and made more money‖. These attitudes will make the children discontented.

So it is better to make your children be thankful for and be appreciative of all the common and beautiful things around them rather than feel that they are never satisfied with whatever they have got. Teach your children to appreciate a bright day, sunny morning, moonlit night, colourful garden and everything that is around them. Let them be satisfied with whatever they have.

When we make our children learn to act jointly with another person for a common purpose we give them a sense of satisfaction. Our family works together in harmony and we have a smoothly running household. By making the children feel that they are important and necessary part of the group we can encourage co-operation. It is good to let the children feel where they can help others and get help. Younger children seem eager to cooperate and usually take directives but as they grow older and become selfassertive then we must be tactful to ask, suggest and consult rather than directing and commanding them.

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CHAPTER 6 DEVELOPING MORE PERSONAL QUALITIES IN CHILDREN Many parents ask a valid question when their children are growing up. How can we make our children more courteous, polite and good mannered? These qualities in human beings help them to make and win friends. Since these traits are largely learnt through imitation, the parents should always set examples by being courteous, polite and well behaved themselves. This is the reason why proper parenting has become more difficult because we are not able to set good examples for our children to imitate. If as parents we set consistently acceptable examples of personal human qualities such as consideration for others, thoughtfulness and kindness, then our

children will learn to be courteous and polite as well. Any show of impoliteness will seem ugly and rude to them and they will grow up having good manners at all times. Of course, we want our children to be tolerant of and be respectful for the rights and opinions of others; we want them to believe in and practice equality of opportunity for all and we would like them to be opposed to snobbery and social exclusiveness. These human qualities need to be inculcated well from early age in our children. Many parents are careful not to give their children prejudices as regards to what people wear, what they know or have, where they live, what their race, creed or colour may be because these things matter very little to children. We can definitely help build better human relationship among our children if we let our children choose their companions without any feeling of superiority and inferiority. If we manage to make our

home and environment such that everyone is equally important there and all are consulted on family and other matters, then we are preparing excellent atmosphere to develop good human relationship and make our children learn the spirit of democracy. Some social scientists say that our inhumanity to mankind and our display of injustice are increasing because we fail to properly and adequately develop and put into practice the needed ideas and standards of fairness and social justice in our children. This is failure on the part of parents but the situation can be improved if early action is taken. We need to educate these kinds of parents and use various community groups to help people with the ideas of good parenting. Then we will be able to help our children by being scrupulously fair and just and by showing no favouritism towards no one. We should learn to be absolutely impartial when settling disputes and quarrels. It is

unwise to penalize the whole group for the fault of one person. It becomes so clearly unjust that children rightfully resent it. Instead of punishing arbitrarily, try to arrange things so that they will learn that uncomfortable consequences are the natural result of wrongdoing. Show that you have high standard of fairness and justice and also expect your children to play fair as well. Developing personal human qualities such as friendliness, generosity and good sportsmanship among our children is another very important responsibility of parents. Your own feeling of affection, esteem and sympathetic understanding towards other people will encourage the children to have good and friendly relations with others. We must display our genuine desire to share and to give and show liberality in good deed, thought and spirit in order that our children learn these human qualities as well.

By sharing things from the beginning with our children, by working together, by playing with them and planning things together we can make the children feel that their help is needed and it is important. Thus, they are able to build a reasonable desire to give aid and to be of assistance where it is needed and wanted. Another important question that is raised by concerned parents is: â&#x20AC;&#x2022;How to teach children to be honest and truthful?â&#x20AC;&#x2013; There is no easy answer to this question but we can help. Firstly, we must understand that children do dishonest things because they do not know any better. We can make our children see that honesty is the best policy and the world can and does rely on truth, beauty, and goodness. We have to be truthful, honest, good and beautiful in all our words, deeds and actions. If your children notice that you have set a high standard in this area of human personality development then they will definitely do the same.

If ever you find that your children steal and cheat, you must first of all find out why they do these things. Good and proper information will help you take appropriate action and give good advice. Instead of making your children feel wicked try to give them more emotional security at home by showing them the dignity of being honest and truthful. â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;A child with courteous manners, with some deference to adults, automatically attracts the affection of its elders, each of whom will delight in teaching the child something new. Thus the courteous or mannerly child has acquired a virtue that attracts other virtues, including knowledge and expert coaching in the complexities of living in an ever-changing world.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; (Maxwell, et el, Super Parenting)

CHAPTER 7 DEVELOPING NEEDED HUMAN QUALITIES IN CHILDREN The poet Wordsworth said that the best portion of a good personâ&#x20AC;&#x2DC;s life was made up of acts of kindness and love. The personal human qualities of kindness and love are very essential ingredients of a happy family life. If we want to create a better, more peaceful, kinder and lovely home, community and nation, we need to develop these essential human qualities in our children from very early in their life by suppressing the savage instinct among them. Keep good checks and balances when it comes to displays of actions and words that depict violence in your children. Never treat violence with violence. Show solid examples of

kindness and love by good explanation, practice and experience. Encourage your children to think of pleasant little services that they can provide to others by being kind and friendly. We must be able to train our children to guide and direct others and also accept guidance and direction. It is essential that our children are able to follow and to lead. If they are good followers then they will become good leaders. It is unfortunate that neither some of our local nor some of our national leaders provide us with good models of leadership all because of cheap point scoring and party politics. Therefore, we parents must find other good models of leadership and follower ship. When good models of leadership are not readily seen then we have to give our children a lot of guided experience in leadership and also train them to follow others with sincerity. It is important that our children are properly trained to handle difficulties our leaders meet and they should also be shown how to deal fairly

when they hold leadership positions. Once we have provided enough confidence, motivation and information to our children then they should be trained to face an audience and be prepared to share their views with others they interact.

Obeying laws and regulations is vital part of good citizenship and our children should learn to follow these without question. They will need good discipline and training in this area because of the existing adverse influences that they may face. Our children should be taught to give and take directions to meet the controls and requirements of a balanced social system. Giving too many and unnecessary directions, rules and regulations to the children can build resentment for these so we must be tactful in making our children good law abiding citizens. Give them time to respond and when the children ask for reasons we must carefully give them correct and logical explanations.

Always try to listen to their opinions respectfully and dispassionately but always be ready to compromise if their ideas have validity. Of course, always remember that there are certain times when the children must obey their parents immediately without question and arguments. Careful and wise parents know this well. Children who find out that their parents act wisely, they are kind and reasonable in their approach and there is love and affection in the family, they develop a mutual trust in their parents and obey at once when the demands are made. Patience is a virtue and it is a necessity development for all human beings. If we succeed in teaching our children to be patient, we will have fewer failures and frustrations around. Children are impatient because they are full of energy and they are eager to learn new things. We can develop this trait in our children by asking to wait for a while for whatever they want and then reward them after recognizing their patience. They will be able to wait a little longer the next time.

If we have instilled into our children the characteristic of keeping engagements and obligations on time, then we have given one more good habit to them. Time does not exist for most children and over fussiness about punctuality may make them rebel against it. It is important to set some form of timetable for the children. Warn them ahead of various times such as breakfast, lunch, and supper times so that they are ready for these activities. Form a habit of asking, ―What comes next‖ in their daily routine and make them feel that needless delays cause them miss out on many enjoyable things. We have seen that people who have not developed their ability to take responsibility often ―go to pieces‖ when circumstances suddenly put new responsibilities upon their shoulders. Our children too fail to go forward for lack of this ability. So let us start giving them chances to be responsible in small matters first then increases their responsibilities gradually. If the children want to do things themselves, show them how and let them do the work. Show that you have full

confidence in your children in the work they want to do, and never underestimate them. It is a good idea to take them to the bank with you, to the supermarket for shopping, to other similar places and make them perform some of the adult tasks. Let your children see all that you do and at times tell them how you meet your responsibilities. If your children have learnt to be sincere at heart and in spirit, then they have developed honour and integrity that will make others trust them. Your children must learn emotional, mental and spiritual integrity. Our children learn to be sincere or otherwise from our practices so we must explain the reason for our actions.

We were once told that unless mankind learns to live together in mutual respect and kindness we shall soon not live at all. When we teach our children the idea of tolerance, we make them recognize that individuals are different and have a right to their own ideas, preferences and goals and in turn they grant others the same rights.

As parents we will do well if we let our homes radiate kindliness towards all people irrespective of their beliefs, colour, creed and race. So by encouraging our children to learn about other people and make friends with them we avoid all prejudices. As our children grow older it is advisable to train them to distinguish truth from falsehood. When your children tell lies, find out the cause of it and rectify the problem. They may be following bad example, they may be careless and forgetful or they may be observing things inaccurately. The children may be afraid to tell the truth or they may not be getting enough love and sincere feelings from their parents. Having found the causes for lies, try to cure them but be truthful yourself. It is good to hold before your children the fine ideals of honour of those heroes who would rather face the penalty than lie. It is imperative that your children develop the quality of being constant and true to

any person, state or idea to whom or which one owes allegiance. They should be taught about being modest, simple, natural and unaffected. As parents we should device our own methods of developing these traits in our children. Gradually we would see changes in our children when they develop self-respect, self-direction and self-sacrifice. All these personality developments are essential but they are slow processes, which can be helped but not forced. Development of your children should be the centre of discussion when parents and their friends and relatives meet at any forum. You are free to use our suggestions but we do not claim to know all. Follow the ideas that work and modify the ones that do not suit your purpose. Family and social values inspire our allegiance through successive generations therefore it is important that parents give another look at the values of self-reliance, self-improvement and risk taking. The values of drive, discipline, temperance, and hard work are as important as the

values of thrift responsibility.

and

personal

We like our parents to carefully look at what the President of the United States, President Barack Obama says in his book The Audacity of Hope on the topic of Values: “We value patriotism and the obligations of citizenship, a sense of duty and sacrifice on behalf of our nation. We value a faith in something bigger than ourselves, whether that something expresses itself in formal religion or ethical precepts. And we value the constellation of behaviours that express our mutual regard for one another: honesty, fairness, humility, kindness, courtesy and compassion.” He further says that he values good manners. He reiterates that every time he meets a kid who speaks clearly and looks him in the eye, who says, ‘yes sir‖ and ―thank you‖ and ―please‖ and ―excuse me‖ he feels more hopeful about the country.

We do not think he is alone in this. We cannot legislate good manners but we can encourage our children to follow good manners. We parents have done well but there is a lot more to be done in this area of developing our children to be good and law-abiding citizens. Life must go on for the betterment of our children. ѰѰѰѰѰ

Chapter 8 The Adolescent â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;When old and young enjoy playing together, true respect is likely to grow and flourishâ&#x20AC;Śâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Saroj Prasad. An adolescent is a growing youth who is developing from childhood to maturity. We can even say that an adolescent is a person in his or her teens. So adolescence is a period of rapid growth and personality development in human beings. Our relationship with our developing adolescent has to be healthy, well thought out and positive in order that the total development is enhanced. If this is so then parents have more opportunities to work positively with their adolescent family member than anyone else. Some renowned psychologists advocate that the parents should accept the fact that our adolescents have worth and dignity and are capable of self-direction. All parents of adolescent family members should develop a warm and accepting

environment that helps the adolescent children improve their self-image, capabilities and ambitions. Parents need to be available for various discussions to the growing adolescent family members at the right time and place. We have seen that often problems get pushed under the mat because the children get a quick brush-off from hurried parents at the time they need advice and suggestions most. This causes the adolescents or any children to turn elsewhere for assistance and interaction; usually to their peers who neither have the wisdom nor necessary experience for needed guidance. Parents need to carefully listen to the whole conversation of the adolescents when they describe a situation because a quick judgemental response is an attitude that puts off any discussion and good communication. We should avoid such situations where our adolescent children are deprived from the opportunity to discuss their problems and talk to their parents freely because this may develop

shyness, insecurity and lack of confidence. It is advisable to help the children to think for themselves, clarify their problems so that they can come to their own satisfactory conclusions. Of course, you can add your own ideas and observations if you so see fit and proper. Knowledge about the adolescent development is plentiful on the web and â&#x20AC;&#x2014;search and ye shall findâ&#x20AC;&#x2DC; should be practised. This regular search is important because parents need to understand and be sensitive to the variety of feelings of their adolescent children. Problems and difficulties that are faced by the adolescent may not look like problems and difficulties for the adults. So it is absolutely necessary to provide good and valid information about all aspects of life to your developing family member without any hesitation whatsoever.

An informed and knowledgeable adolescent grows into a healthy and wise adult. It is not our intention to suggest that the parents of our adolescent children should give total freedom and exert no authority on their children but they can play an effectively authoritative role that a faithful friend should display. If things are not working well for your child at this age then there are many institutions and individuals that can be contacted and consulted for professional help. Your best choice would be your successful friends, teachers, psychologists and various websites. Professional people will tell you that during the teens our children go through six phases of development namely physical, mental, social, emotional, moral and spiritual. We expect certain traits during these periods of development from an average adolescent and we would be able to assist them well with their growing up process if we knew these traits ourselves.

One of the Hindu Saints called Chanakya says that we should provide all the needed love and tender care for our children from birth to about eight years of age but we have to be quite firm in all our dealings with our children during pre-adolescence and then our children become our good and faithful friends during their teenage which means that they deserve careful counselling and advice that you provide to your friends. From about nine years to about twelve our children pass through a developmental age called pre-adolescence when they are beginning to leave their childhood habits and are fast learning to move toward adulthood, which is a long way ahead. In reaching adulthood they have to pass through adolescence period commonly known as puberty. This requires very careful guidance and efficient rearing. Adolescence is definitely a period of stress and storm for our children when their every development is rapid and they may find the growth is sudden. They must be prepared to face all these developmental phases. We notice increase in height, weight and general size of their body so dietary advice may be required 70

for them. Parents need to pay particular attention and interest in their other phases of development as well. Frequent checks and advice may be required on sex habits and education as they grow up to ensure that their attitude towards sex is safe and healthy. Similarly, their use of leisure, social developments, emotional, moral and spiritual activities need to be guided if required. Treating them, as adults would assist their total development.

It should be noted that during this period of development our children are generally very energetic so it is advisable to find appropriate activities to keep them occupied. Help but do not hinder their participation in sports and physical and social activities. Maybe this is the time to let your children take some IQ tests to find out their learning abilities and special aptitude.

Love of reading that you as parents developed in your children from early age should now be accelerated and widened. Listening to music and watching movies need to be enhanced but controlled so that the children can be helped to develop some hobbies of their own. Select good radio programmes for them and take them with you to public lectures on various topics. Discuss the pros and cons of all reading, listening and viewing.

It would be a good idea to promote and develop their creative writing ability so that they can write stories, poems, essays and plays. Encourage them to do some drama work. Always keep in mind that it is not helpful to push things beyond their mental and physical abilities and capacities. They will appreciate it very much if you do not turn out to be an over ambitious parent. To provide your children with an all-round education and a harmonious living is your duty.

Implementation and formulation of unnecessary rules and regulations can create a generation gap between the parents and the children. These stipulations can sometime lead to misunderstanding and petty arguments. Conversely, you can encourage your children to assume greater responsibilities at home and even in the community they live in. make your children feel good when they help others and encourage them to tolerate and see the other point of view.

We have found out that good parents are neither dominant nor over critical because they know that these conditions lead to a lot of conflicts and confusion in the family life. There are many worth while charitable clubs and associations that the children can be encouraged to join at this age in order to develop moral, cultural and spiritual values. These ideas are not all that can be said on this vast topic of adolescence and the more we search the greater would be our modus operandi.

However, let us summarise some of the topics that are covered in Part VIII of Super Parenting for our readers to seek more information. Treat the Child as a Mathematician Expose the Child to Scientific Puzzles Expose the Child to a Wide Variety of Games Have a Music Time Have a Happy Home

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CHAPTER 9 ASSESSMENT AND CAREER DEVELOPMENT One of the greatest challenges faced by our children is their assessment or testing in schools. An assessment or a test is a tool that makes possible the putting together of a lot of information about an individual. There are many kinds and types of assessments and tests that our teachers use. A friend can assess another friend, a parent can test a child, and a teacher is trained to assess and examine the students. According to Assessment Policy of Education Queensland, ―Students in Queensland benefit from a formal program of standards-based assessment. The major purposes of an assessment program are to improve teaching, help students achieve the highest standards they can within their own capabilities, and provide meaningful reports to parents/carers on students‘ achievements.‖

―The purposes of assessment are to: • promote, assist and improve learning • inform, programs of teaching and learning • provide information for those people — students, parents, teachers — who need to know about the progress and achievements of individual students to help them achieve to the best of their abilities • provide information for the issuing of certificates of achievement • provide information to those people who need to know how well groups of students are achieving. It is common practice to label assessment as being formative, diagnostic or summative according to the major purpose of the assessment. The major purpose of formative assessment is to help students attain higher levels of performance. The major purpose of diagnostic assessment is to determine the nature of students‘ learning and then provide the appropriate feedback

or intervention. The major purpose of summative assessment is to indicate the standards achieved by students at particular points in their schooling. It is geared towards reporting and certification.â&#x20AC;&#x2013; Principles of assessment and reporting according to Education Queensland are stated below: â&#x20AC;&#x2022;The following ten principles guide the QSAâ&#x20AC;&#x2DC;s assessment practices. 1. Assessment is clearly linked to making judgments about how well students have achieved the Essential Learnings or objectives within the scope of the content/subject matter of syllabuses. 2. Assessment is an integral part of the teaching and learning process. 3. Assessment is a key element of the professional practice of teachers.

4. Informed teacher judgment is at the heart of good assessment practice.

5. Assessment practices are responsive to the diverse needs of students and are underpinned by equity principles. 6. Assessment judgments standards-based.

are

7. In school-based assessment where assessment is continuous, all assessment is formative. 8. In school-based assessment, summative judgments about standards are made by teachers at key junctures of schooling for reporting purposes. 9. Reports of student achievement are defensible and comparable, based on sound evidence and shared understanding of Essential Learnings or objectives and the scope of content/subject matter in syllabuses.

10.Reports of student achievement are readily interpreted by their intended audiences.‖

So we can see that our children have to be prepared well and guided properly in order to meet the requirements that are set by the education authorities. By law teachers are required to keep detailed records of all assessments undertaken by their students and they write a report on each child so that the parents and carers are fully informed about the progress of their children. Parents can visit the schools of their children by making an appointment with them or they can attend an organized ―parent‘s day‖ to discuss the reports on their children. The big question is ―how can we as parents help our children succeed in their assessments, testing and examinations‖? Assistance of the parents is vital to achieve better results for their children. Here are a few suggestions:

Provide ample time, a quiet environment, proper space and adequate lights for studying. Good food, plenty of liquid and some fruit are important also. Ensure that your children have a good and workable timetable for work, rest, play and sleep. Provide careful and intelligent supervision and guidance to the childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2DC;s study programs. Parties, family gatherings and meetings should be carefully schedules so that the childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2DC;s study times are not disturbed. Do your petty tasks yourself rather than asking the children to stop their study. Encourage your children to study in the early hours of the morning. A career is the sum total of paid and unpaid work, learning and life roles you undertake throughout your life.

Career decisions start with a process of self-assessment. What are you good at? What do you like and dislike? What are your principal achievements? And so on. The Assessment Centre will help you self-assess online â&#x20AC;&#x201C; take a personality test, audit your skills, consider different decision making styles and much more. Work your way through the Assessment Centre to conduct a personal inventory that will open your eyes to new options, help you understand your decisions and give you the insight to act appropriately. Then we can go to Career Navigator, which is an Australian online career exploration program, which will help you to clarify your job-related interests, explore suitable career options, and develop your own career plans. This software is ideal for use in career development programs. Sound career planning and career development programs have a number of ingredients in them.

Central to good career development and planning are self-awareness, knowledge of workplace opportunities, and an accurate decision-making model designed to both articulate individual differences and draw together all the relevant threads. These should be the basis of good career planning and career development programs. Career Navigatorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wellresearched software takes careerrelevant information from each individual and generates a customised personal profile. This profile then becomes a springboard to investigate relevant work areas and detailed job information. Thus Career Navigator is an ideal component in all Australian career planning and career development systems. There are unlimited career information service projects for our children and

parents can assist their children look for these on the various websites and through search engines on the Internet. But we are happy to provide some needed information for your easy reference.

What can your children study? Each item has a link on the website. Look at the items and go to the website to find out more. Queensland Certificate of Education School subjects VET (Vocational Education and Training) Higher education Adult and community education International education Recognised award or certificate Study Skills Apprenticeships and traineeships Qualifications Further links about what to study Queensland Certificate of Education on the QSA website

Where can your children do their study? Each item has a link to a special website that you can go to and find out more information. Schools Universities TAFE Colleges Overseas

Private Providers Adult Community Education Correspondence Schools Distant Education

Once again our advice is that you should search through various search engines on the Internet and you will definitely find the needed information to help your children. Remember that the new learning revolution is easily shared and it is co-creative. * â&#x20AC;&#x2014;All humans now live in a mobile or fluid society, a society in which a personâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s opportunities for success are determined less by his inheritance and

more by his achievements. Therefore, wise parents will train their children in all the skills and nuances of language.‘ (Super Parenting).

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Chapter 10 CONCLUSION We have given you what we think is good practice in bringing up your children but you are free to take whatever suits you and discard whatever is unsuitable and inappropriate for your requirement. Education of our children is a partnership of the state, the community, the schools and the parents and unless all these partners play their respective roles properly, education of our children will not be complete and it will suffer greatly. This guide or a handbook for parents contains useful and important information for preparing your son or daughter as they embark on their formal schooling and for life at school in general but we do not think that we are a know-all, therefore our candid advice is to seek for you from experts.

"Children Learn As They Grow" If a child lives with criticism, He learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, He learns to fight. If a child lives with ridicule, He learns to be shy. If a child lives with shame, He learns to feel guilty. If a child lives with tolerance, He learns to be patient. If a child lives with encouragement, He learns confidence. If a child lives with praise, He learns to appreciate. If a child lives with fairness, He learns justice. If a child with security, He learns to have faith. If a child lives with approval, He learns to like himself. If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, He learns to find love in the world.

Our final point comes from an ancient quote of Gibran: “Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness. For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable.” ― Kahlil Gibran

References: 1. Maxwell, W and Mary E Maxwell â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Super Parenting : Child Rearing for the New Millennium. 2. Dryden, Gordon and Jeannette Vos â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Unlimited: The New Learning Revolution and the seven keys to unlock it. 3. Prasad RL and Saroj K PrasadMotivating the Unmotivated.

About the Authors Ram and Saroj worked as educationists for fifty years in various countries of the South Pacific. They successfully raised a family of four children and helped in the growth and development of their eight grand children.

After their retirement they have been writing various novels, short stories and poems and doing voluntary work for the community. Their extensive travelling took them to various parts of the world where they lived and interacted with multiple cultures and societies. All their active participation with the people, family members and friends have enriched their experiences to make this contribution for new parents.

For other publications of the Authors contact them by email: ralmlakhanprasad@gmail.com Search Online through Google and other Search Engines. .