Beginners Guide to How to Escape from a House (a rocks’ edition) by Noa
I was gonna go to the beach............................................................I thought I was gonna have a wonderful time..................................................I thought My perfect day was destroyed! All because of HEATHER.
I woke up on a sunny day in the forest. The birds were chirping, the leaves were green, and morning dew sparkled on the weeds and grass. It may have been a good day for you, but DEFINITELY not for me. For me, those feathered, allergycausing showoffs were squeaking (were they trying to kill me!?) The leaves were the color of “fresh” barf, and the brightness of the dew was blinding me. So I decided to go to the wonderful, quiet, beach. I took off with a good start, traveling as fast as a turtle, but later on, I remembered my lack of sleep in the previous night so I got there at about three in the afternoon. The warm sand relaxed me as I made my way to the shore. I was just about to TOUCH the refreshing rain when my stomach flipped. Hoping it wasn’t true, I slowly turned around. No..it couldn’t be! HUMANS!
They were storming loudly towards the beach carrying buckets and chairs. I hoped that those monsters wouldn’t notice me, they rarely do because I’m a pebble (I’m sorry if i didn’t tell you before, I have a shortterm memory.) Anyway, there I was, right next to the water, just about to touch the wonderful,clean waves when those !@#$%^&* monsters started watching my EVERY MOVE. I felt a cool spray of salt water so I stayed hopeful. UNTIL. . . a young girl came over with a bucket and swallowed me whole (well I thought that, don’t blame me, it was super dark inside that bucket.) THIS IS THE TIME WHEN YOU ARE
UH OH.
SUPPOSED TO SAY
I woke up on a shelf in a room. I did the thing characters do in most stories. I looked around and saw a weird bed which stood in the middle along with a desk on the side. I figured out that this situation was some sort of lame dream so I drifted off to sleep. How this was not a dream was less weird than how I was facing the wall when I woke up. Wait....let me check...................no it wasn’t a wall, it was an OPEN window. Did you notice the OPEN IN UPPERCASE LETTERS?? I would have danced with happiness if it wasn’t so hard to do it. I
rolled up to the window and looked down. Oh that’s not OMG THATS TWO STORIES DOWN!. If I tried to jump off then I would have survived except that a HUGE boulder was at the bottom of the drop. I rolled back to the nice, cozy shelf and tried to think of a new plan. It took a while, but after an amount of time, I thought of the doublesuper, definitely best, extraawesome plan (thanks to the very clever and smart me.)
I was just about to try the doublesuper, definitely best, extraawesome plan (thanks to the very clever and smart me,) when a girl, (known as THE GIRL) walked into the room, which I guess was probably hers. I shrugged ( why would a girl stop this epic rock?) But then I heard SOMETHING that scared me (like I was scared, I was acting out the WHOLE thing.) Turns out, the SOMETHING was a mom that was chatting on a phone. I decided again that this was a dream so I fell asleep (again.) If you ever go to sleep over at a friends’ house and they have a chatty mom, don’t even TRY to go to bed. I figured out that this was reality so I stayed up until the annoying girl would leave her room. Right when the girl was F.I.N.A.L.L.Y. gonna leave her room, I heard FOOTSTEPS. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
“Yes, yes......wait.. what! No I do not want free coupons! I want to go to your restaurant!........WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE CLOSED!!” The mom (known as THE MOM) walked into the room and started talking to the girl.
“Heather, I said finish your homework before playing on the computer!” she started. THE Heather (a.k.a THE girl) groaned and took out a piece of paper which was mathematically impossible to to be homework because I, THE ROCK, could not even do it! As THE MOM and Heather left the really annoying room room......Halleluja!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is the best moment of my life!!! Four words: Heather. Left. Her. Room. I decided that this was the time to start the doublesuper, definitely best, extraawesome plan (thanks to the smart and clever me.) I rolled down the shelf and out of the room. I passed other rooms until I found what I was looking for. I found the STAIRS! Rolling down the stairs is about as fun as throwing up in a roller coaster. If you get captured by humans do not try to use the stairs as an exit. I repeat: DO NOT. Reason 1. the humans can see you super easily. 2. it feels like you ate 3,000 burritos and then went on a big roller coaster. (Yes, I know I said that before.) Anyways, Heather caught me redhanded by the doorway. back in the old and creaky shelf I decided that I needed a new plan so I fell into a deep sleep ( what, it helps me focus.) I dreamt of a coral reef filled with colorful fish and silver pebbles. I relaxed. Until I saw a shark that came in the scene and gobbled up the fish. I never liked them anyway, I thought. But then the shark turned to my direction and swam towards me. I woke up with a start and looked out of the window. . . wait . . . there was no window!! I was being carried by a boy no older than six. He seemed to be running to his room waving me in the air. When we finally got to the boy’s room he put me on a shelf (seriously! I’m sick of these shelves!) After all my hard work I get rewarded with THIS! I had to think of ANOTHER WHOLE ENTIRE plan! Well at least it didn’t take as long as some other plans. I thought of the EXTRAEXTRAEXTRA best plan in the entire universe!
I sneaked past the boy......and under his bed.......I found a whole pile of...............................DUST!! yes,
the tool to victory! I jumped into the pile and rolled around, covering myself with sand. Now time for part two: I passed the boy again but instead of going back to the shelf I turned the wonderful room into a dumpster full of dirt and sand. I got rid of the disgusting dust by rolling around the boy’s bedroom. THE boy didn’t notice (how old was he!?) but THE mom did. “this is unacceptable of a four year old!” she said. Time for part three. The mom picked me up. Grumbling, she brought me to the window with a bunch of ferns at the bottom (that means that I would survive!) The mom did what was expected. She threw me out. FINALLY!!!! I”M FREE!! I KNEW THAT THE EXTRAEXTRAEXTRA best plan in the entire universe would work! I landed on top of the ferns and turned towards the direction of the peaceful and happy forest. This is gonna be a looooong walk...
Book 2 coming in summer 2014!! Intermediate Guide of How to Escape from a Shoe (a Grain of Sand Edition)