Bah Boom / They’re perfect. Or at least they’d like you to think so.

BY: Laila Samphilipo

They’re perfect. I mean perfect. They shower you with extravagant gifts, compliment you like never before. They make you feel like the center of their universe. Their future, their soulmate.

It’s flattering, really. The attention is strong—almost too strong. But, is it sincere?

If you’ve experienced this before, you’ve likely experienced love bombing. The term, first coined in the 1970s to describe the indoctrination practices of religious organizations and cults, has recently gained notoriety in the dating space.

friends or family,” said Lang. “They want you all to yourself— and we know that in healthy relationships, healthy separation is necessary for us to be well and have balance. If your partner is showing signs of irritation or anger or requesting you end friendships or relationships, that could be a red flag, too.”

Senior psychology major Evan Watts (name changed for anonymity) knows these red flags all too well.

Quickly after matching with a woman on a dating app, she began to message him constantly. On their first date, she showered him with compliments. And, on the second date, she said she was “obsessed” with him and would “do anything” for him.

According to the Cleveland Clinic, love bombing is “a form of psychological and emotional abuse that involves a person going above and beyond for you in an effort to manipulate you into a relationship with them.”

And, while love bombing can manifest differently, it often includes excessive flattery and praise, over-communication of their feelings for you, showering you with unneeded or unwanted gifts, and early and intense conversations about your future together.

These signs can be tricky. At first glance, praise and communication don’t sound all too bad. These behaviors can seem pretty normal in relationships, especially early-on.

According to Maddie Lang, Mental Well-Being Program Coordinator at Temple University’s Wellness Resource Center, love bombing can sometimes create an unequal dynamic in a relationship under the guise of the “honeymoon phase.”

“The basis of any type of abusive relationship is power and control,” explains Lang. “Love bombing is just one tactic that might be used in order to achieve that for a person. It could be used to try to ‘win’ the other person over early on the relationship.”

Knowing this, it’s clear our perception plays a massive role in understanding love bombing. The attention that one person might find overwhelming, might actually be ideal for another. There are some signs, Lang says, that are often indicative of abusive and unhealthy relationships, including excessive possessiveness and jealousy, and minimizing, denying, or blaming for abusive behavior.

“An early sign of abuse is isolation from support networks, like

“It felt really overbearing,” says Watts. “I just remember feeling super overwhelmed and uncomfortable. She kept saying she’d do anything for me and it felt like she was tailoring what she was saying to my interests so we would seem like a perfect match.”

As their relationship went on, Watts says his social life began to deteriorate, as he felt guilted into spending all his time with her.

“It got to a point where I felt like she just sort of tricked me into liking her and then got really distant. But then I was always the one who was expected to just give things up because she gave me so much attention and so I like owed it to her,” said Watts.

In situations like this, Lang advises people to check-in with themselves and express their concerns to their partner.

“If you feel like something’s happening that you’re not okay with, and when you try to voice it, it just keeps happening over and over again, that’s a pretty good sign that things aren’t healthy,” said Lang.

Lang says she refers those in unhealthy or abusive relationships to community resources like Women Against Abuse in Philly and Lutheran Settlement House, which are able to help walk people through safety planning.

“If someone doesn’t feel okay in their relationship, that is enough of a reason to have concern, and to either want to address it or end a relationship,” said Lang. “It all goes back to personal choice, autonomy, and empowerment. I hope that people feel empowered to ask for what they want, and know they deserve to be treated with respect and dignity in their relationships.”