A Constant Battle

MY STRUGGLE WITH IMPOSTER SYNDROME

BY RYAN TIAN

As the prospect of graduation looms before me, I find myself unable to shake this constant feeling of inadequacy; a nagging belief that I haven’t done enough to graduate. Everyone around me seems confident and accomplished, chatting about their internships, published articles, and experiences. Meanwhile, I sit quietly, wondering how I’ve managed to make it this far without being exposed as a fraud.

Impostor Syndrome – a psychological phenomenon in which individuals doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent fear of being exposed as a “fraud” – has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. Despite my academic and professional achievements, I’m consistently plagued by an overwhelming sense of inadequacy. The constant self-doubt has transformed from a nagging whisper into a deafening roar, drowning out the encouragement of friends, family, and mentors.

I have doubted myself for as long as I can remember. At first, I doubted if I would be accepted to a University, but when I was accepted into Temple University’s journalism program, I thought (and hoped) my problems would just disappear. But soon after, the familiar cloud of doubt began to loom overhead. I found myself constantly comparing my work to that of my peers, scrutinizing every sentence, and agonizing over every pitch. As I watched my classmates flourish, I couldn’t help but feel like I was somehow lagging, despite evidence to the contrary. My internships only served to intensify this feeling. I was fortunate enough to land positions at reputable news organizations, but each time, the same insecurities resurfaced. I would obsess over every detail, afraid that a single misstep would reveal me as the impostor I believed myself to be. The pressure to perform to impossible standards I set for myself was suffocating, and I began to dread going to work, paralyzed by the fear of failure.

The irony of impostor syndrome is that it can be both a curse and a blessing. On one hand, it has pushed me to work harder, to strive for perfection, and to constantly seek self-improvement. On the other, it has taken an immense toll on my mental health, leaving me perpetually on edge and riddled with anxiety.

It wasn’t until I confided in a close friend that I realized I wasn’t alone in my struggles. She shared that she too had experienced the same fears and doubts, despite having an exceptional career. I wish I could say that recognizing that I wasn’t the only one grappling with these feelings quelled my self doubt, but it only served to remind me that no matter how hard I worked, there might always be a little voice inside my head that whispers,

You’re not good enough.

You’re getting left behind.

You don’t deserve this.

As I stand on the precipice of a new chapter in my life, the weight of my self doubt feels heavier than ever. Graduation should be a time for celebration, but instead, I find myself drowning in anxiety. The countless hours spent studying, researching, and writing feel overshadowed by the pervasive belief that I don’t truly deserve the success I’ve achieved.