PERSONALS
the Medium
"Uhhhh.... meow?"
Oscars
Did you hear? Parasite won! Racism ended! (Didn't the original CEO resign after Green Book and Crash?)
Why are the liberal media DEMON RATS praising PARASITES?!?!? (Frankly, I don't know what I did to garner so much celebration either.) Why wasn't Jeffrey Epstein included in the "In Memoriam" montage? Can't believe it's been nearly half a fucking year already... R.I.P. KING :'( (Bryan must've been too busy to let the Academy know last minute. Or Kevin. Or Harvey. Or David. Or over half the municipality of Los Angeles, California.) I stand with Joaquin Pheonix against misusing a cow's milk. That's why I've only drank my mother's for the past 37 years... (I'm not sure that's the type of veganism he advocates, or if that even qualifies as veganism to begin with. You do you though?)
V-Day
So apparently V-Day is not a celebration of VD... (It can be. . . UwU ) My girlfriend liked my dick-in-a-box I got her last year, but says she'd prefer a size up. Can anyone help me with that? I'm really running out of time. (Not saying to go out and kill any racehorses, but if Chucky Clydesdale busts a leg or two on the quarter mile...) Instead of celebrating V-Day, I'm creating VA Day (victory in absitence). We are looking for virgins for the party, care to stop by? (Fuck you, me and Rightie are in a VERY loving relationship, thank you very much.) Econ major here. How do you cope with the loneliness this week? (I feel your pain. There's only so many homeless alley guys you can beat to an inch of their life. Know that it gets better, and know you'll be out there verbally abusing Applebees waitstaff before you know it!)
Word of the Week:
Limbaugh
n. The camera angle in porn that's all asshole, taint, and ballsack. You know the one.
WILL YOU BE OUR HIGH HIGH HOPES FOR A LIVING?
<3
Sonic Movie
Wednesday, February 12th, 2020
themedium.submissions@gmail.com
OSCARS: THE CELEBS WEIGH IN
Me & the missus are gonna “hatewatch” the Sonic movie “ironically” for V-Day, but I dunno how I can contain my latent hedgehog horniness for 100 minutes. Please help!!!!! (Just crank that hog beforehand... Ideally in the privacy of your own domicile and away from any hedges.) Please help, I'm in an early screening and came as soon as The Blue Blur appeared. How do I escape without anyone noticing? (Roll aerodynamically around at the speed of sound.) If this movie spawns a Sonic Cinematic Universe, which edgy scene would you want in a Shadow film? (Eight minute long take. Curb stomp over last chilli dog. Windows Movie Maker title screen. Three Days Grace soundtrack.) Theater banned me after an early screening. What was so upsetting about my Shadow cosplay? (Not sure. Maybe the Birth of A Nation screening will be more receptive?)
V-Day (Cont'd) Which one of the five dudes I'm talking to should I make my Valentine? (Depends. Which one would you consider your best, best friend? Which one's the most genuine and supportive? Which one could be most easily coerced into kidnapping and performing a Molochian sacrifice?) How can I DM slide from another app’s bio in the least Joe Goldberg-y fashion possible? (Explain that you just wanna get to know her better. Her EXIF photo geotags, Social Security Number, and debit card CVV can only tell you so much, after all.) No luck on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, or Coffee Meets Bagel. Should I give it a go on LinkedIn? (I don't see why not. See it as the evolution of the workplace romance that HR won't be able to stop.)
haha kidding... unless? :3 Wednesdays @ 7:45p.m. Livingston Student Center Room 109
