Prime Time February 2015

PRIME TIME February 2015

Susie and David Gregory Still laughing after all these years

The Rev. Clem Davis | Retirement decisions | Singer Janie Gordon | Senior health care

Editor’s note A few weeks ago, on a bitterly cold January morning, I had the first of my semiannual checkups at the dentist’s office. It was still nearly dark as I arrived for my 8 a.m. appointment. As I was checking out, I scheduled my next appointment.

“We’ll see you back in July,” the woman said as I left. Surprisingly, when I walked back outside, the cold temperatures didn’t feel quite so bitter and the wind seemed to have lost some of its bite.

Every time I go to the dentist, it feels like I was just there a few weeks ago, even though it’s actually been six months. So, I reasoned as I waited for my car heater to wake up, when I come back it will be summer, and this lousy winter weather will seem like it was just a few weeks ago.

I’m not sure why, but having that summer dental appointment to look forward to seems to help me get through the winter. However, it works the other way, too. When I leave my appointment in July, I’ll schedule one for next January. I’ll leave the office depressed, knowing that when January arrives, it will feel like July was merely weeks ago.

But I’ll worry about that bridge when I come to it, no dental pun intended.

No matter what the weather, life goes on. In this issue of Prime Time you’ll meet Janie Gordon, David and Susie Gregory and the Rev. Clem Davis, all folks living life to the fullest from January to December.

You’ll also learn about a new program whereby Columbus Regional Health received reaccreditation in the care of elderly patients.

Health care costs are eating up an increasingly large portion of retiree incomes. If you’re contemplating retirement anytime soon, have you saved enough to cover your health care costs after your income stops? We’ll help you figure out how to do just that.

So grab your favorite hot beverage, don your Snuggie and enjoy this issue of Prime Time. And if the gray days of winter have got you down, just remember, the next issue of Prime Time will arrive on May 13. Why that’s practically summer.

PRIME TIME • FEBRUARY 2015 • 1

contents 4

This & That

8

Susie and David Gregory

14

Health care costs

18

The Rev. Clem Davis

24

Hospital program for seniors

28

Janie Gordon

34

Time to travel

36

Raising grandkids

38

Calendar of events

40

Sharon Mangas column

2 • FEBRUARY 2015 • PRIME TIME

8

14

18

We offer

24

28 Comments should be sent to Doug Showalter, The Republic, 333 Second St., Columbus, IN 47201 or call 812-379-5625 or dshowalter@therepublic.com. Advertising information: Call 812-379-5652. ©2015 by Home News Enterprises. All rights reserved. Reproduction of stories, photographs and advertisements without permission is prohibited. Stock images provided by © Thinkstock.

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On the cover: Susie and David Gregory in their living room with their dogs, Nellie, left, and Ruby.

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111 Church Ave., Seymour, IN 47274 www.LutheranCommHome.org • (812) 522-5927 PRIME TIME • FEBRUARY 2015 • 3

This & That Eight cooking secrets Sometimes cooking is like a secret club.

Once you have a little experience, it gets easier to figure things out. Here are a few cooking rules that no one tells you, according to Kathleen Purvis of The Charlotte Observer: 1. There’s never enough frosting to cover the cake. You want that Martha Stewart look?

Make two batches of frosting.

2. When you put meat in a hot pan to sear it, it will stick for a minute. But if you’re patient, it will release when it’s brown. Same thing works on a hot grill: Let it develop a browned surface and nudge occasionally until it starts to move. That’s when it’s time to turn it.

3. How much you enjoy the meal is in inverse proportion to how hard you worked to make it. The dish that took three days of soaking, drying and smoking may taste wonderful. But it probably won’t taste as good as that thing you slapped together when you were out of time.

4. Corollary to No. 3: How long it took to make it is in inverse proportion to how long it will take someone else to eat it. You

4 • FEBRUARY 2015 • PRIME TIME

“Hoosier Harvest” Looking for something new and different to spice up your menu? Check out “Hoosier Harvest” cookbook. A publication of Farm Indiana, a sister publication to Prime Time, this cookbook features a collection of seasonal dishes provided

by Indiana’s celebrated farmers, chefs, artisans and food writers.

You can order your copy, or copies, for $24.99, plus shipping, online at www.therepublic.com/ cookbook, or with Visa, MasterCard or Discover by calling 812-379-5600 or 800-876-7811.

worked on it for three days? They’ll eat it in three minutes.

5. The recipe with the simplest name usually will taste the best. “Sopes With Duck Confit, Black Beans, and Plum-Cranberry Guajillo Sauce” or “Duck Enchiladas”? My money is going to be on the duck enchiladas.

6. In recipe language, pans are metal, dishes are glass. “Beat it” usually means to use an electric mixer, and “mix it” usually means to beat or stir by hand. (Sorry.)

7. The best way to know for sure if something is cooked through is to use a thermometer. But ... thermometers lie. I have a super-accurate Thermopen that set me back almost $100. It still sometimes misleads me into thinking a chicken breast is completely done when it is still a little red at the bone.

8. It will never get easier to cook if you don’t cook. (Sorry again.)

Spring can’t be far behind The eighth annual Health, Home and Garden Show, presented

by The Republic, will be held from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. April 18 and noon to 4 p.m. April 19 at the Bartholomew County 4-H Fairgrounds.

Admission is free.

A wide variety of vendors will be on hand to help attendees discover new ways to be healthy, keep their homes in good shape and their landscape beautiful.

Information: 812-379-5655.

What those cans can do Every year, teams of local architects, engineers, businesses and community groups compete to design and build objects made from thousands of cans of food. This year’s event, dubbed Canstruction, begins Feb. 21 and runs through March 1 at Fair Oaks Mall.

If you’ve never been to Canstruction, this is a must-see event.

You’ll be amazed what can be built out of green beans, soup and tomato sauce … all in cans. Even if you have been to Canstruction before, every year brings surprising new creations. The event is free and open during normal mall hours, 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. And best of all, once the can creations come down, all the food will be donated to fight hunger.

PRIME TIME • FEBRUARY 2015 • 5

[this & that] ‘Feel-good’ nonfiction

Here are three books that will help lift your mood in 2015.

It’s a blank slate. Make the most of it.

“Welcome to Subirdia” We live daily with the fact that our presence is threatening the planet’s existence, but this solidly researched nonfiction book by John Marzluff, an eminent University of Washington ornithologist, shows that birds can thrive in the suburbs. Humans must pitch in, though, with assists like feeders and wildlife-friendly development.

“Strength In What Remains” This riveting nonfiction book by Tracy Kidder is a true testament to the resilience of the human spirit. Deo, a young man on the run from genocide in his native Burundi, endures unimaginable hardship, gets a medical degree from Columbia and then returns to his native land to try to rebuild it.

“A Path Appears” A fact-packed book by New York Times writers (and spouses) Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn, it documents approaches to doing good with a proven track record. It also provides tips for how to direct your own charitable giving.

6 • FEBRUARY 2015 • PRIME TIME

Sweet celebration For the first time, Nashville will host the National Maple Syrup Festival March 5 to 8. The festival will feature a Native American re-enactor and pioneer demonstrations, including sugaring, the process of collecting sap and creating maple syrup.

Other events include a maple syrup culinary competition and an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.

The National Maple Syrup Festival was founded in 2008 by Tim Burton, whose Maplewood Farm in Medora produces more than 200 gallons of 100 percent pure Indiana maple syrup every year. Information: www.browncounty.com/maplesyrup.

— Staff and Wire Reports

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PRIME TIME • FEBRUARY 2015 • 7

Cover Story

Onforcall each other The Gregorys have practiced the art and science of married life

A

By Jennifer Willhite n photos by Greg Jones

fter more than 40 years together, David and Susie Gregory say the secret to relationship longevity is good food and drink and a lot of laughter. And you have to really like one another, too.

“She and I are best friends,” says David, 68. “Our personalities are pretty strong. She’s right-brained, and I’m leftbrained, so opposites attract.”

The couple met at the VA Medical Center in Indianapolis in 1970 where Susie worked as an evening charge nurse and David was finishing his family medical practice residency.

“He was a spiffy, cute medical student,” says Susie, 69. “We were attracted right off the bat. We had some dates, and here we are 44 years later.”

They married in 1971 and settled in Indianapolis where David, a Kokomo native, finished his residency programs at Methodist and St. Francis hospitals.

In 1974, he met with an old friend and medical school colleague, Michael Chadwick, and the two discussed going into practice together. Chadwick, who had been working as an emergency room doctor at Columbus Regional Hospital, tried to recruit David to work at the hospital, which was shortstaffed at the time.

David admits he wanted to start a family practice, so the thought of ER work hadn’t crossed his mind. But the two came to a compromise. The Gregorys would check out Columbus, and if they liked it, David and Chadwick would open a family practice and split their time between the practice and the ER.

Opposite page: The couple celebrates both the anniversary of their first date and their engagement. The pepper grinder is a gift to mark their engagement anniversary. After the gift exchange, it was filled with pepper and used to fix hamburgers.

8 • FEBRUARY 2015 • PRIME TIME

PRIME TIME • FEBRUARY 2015 • 9

[Cover Story]

“We came down and stayed at a hotel, played at Otter Creek Golf Course and said, ‘Yeah, we like this place,’” David says.

Susie says it was a bit of a shock moving from a big city to settle in a small town. Although they “didn’t know a soul” when they moved here except for Chadwick and his wife, Judy, the Gregorys quickly made lots of friends. She also embraced her new role as mother and homemaker.

“Over the years, we realized Columbus is a great place to raise a family,” she says. “There’s so much to do.”

As the couple’s children, Jennifer, Shannon and Jason, got older, Susie decided to explore her artistic interests to see where they might take her.

She dabbled in stained glass and even the theater.

10 • FEBRUARY 2015 • PRIME TIME

Then she took a watercolor class, and the creative floodgates opened.

“Art is my therapy,” she says. “I’ve always been a creative person. I just never dreamed anyone would like my stuff enough to buy it.”

She admits selling her first painting was heartbreaking, but now it’s thrilling to know people want to buy her work. Over the past several years, Susie has donated several of her paintings to local charitable causes and businesses, such as the annual UnCommon Cause fundraiser and kidscommons.

The South Bend native also has artwork on display in galleries throughout the country, including the Inspire Studio Gallery in Carmel and The Venue in Bloomington. Locally, 16 of her pieces are featured at Tre Bicchieri in downtown Columbus.

Opposite page: Susie works on a zebra painting in her home studio. This zebra may end up on a wall at Tre Bicchieri, where it will be offered for sale. Above: The stairway wall is lined with works she has created over the years.

“Art is my therapy. I’ve always been a creative person. I just never dreamed anyone would like my stuff enough to buy it.”

— Susie Gregory

PRIME TIME • FEBRUARY 2015 • 11

[Cover Story] Elaine DeClue, co-owner of Tre Bicchieri, was introduced to her work last fall when Susie was featured as artist-in-residence at Mill Race Center. DeClue says she immediately fell in love with Susie’s work and later approached her about featuring some of her work at the restaurant.

“The appeal is not only that she’s a local artist,” DeClue says. “But that she is traditional and, yet, very artistic.”

It is Susie’s ability to offer a beautiful interpretation of the mundane that makes her work that much more appealing, DeClue says. “We have one painting that is of three young boys watching a baseball game,” she says. “It’s those everyday moments, like your three grandsons watching a baseball game, that’s really cool.”

DeClue says Susie has also donated an adorable painting of a dog and cat with spaghetti dumped on their heads to the 2015 Spay-Ghetti Dinner, a fundraiser for the Community Animal Rescue Effort.

By 1990, juggling the family practice and ER work became too burdensome, so David and Chadwick decided to close their practice and worked exclusively as ER doctors for the next 20 years.

Being a doctor is your identity and something you never quite give up, Chadwick says. So after the two retired in 2012, they started a part-time consulting business, Gregory and Chadwick, which affords them the opportunity to work two to three days a week at four area health care clinics, including the WOW Clinic and Toyota.

Chadwick admits he and David are essentially polar opposites who keep one another in check.

“He’s more laid-back, and I’m more obsessive compulsive,” Chadwick says. “It makes for a good mix because he can stop me when I’m going overboard, and I can get him going when he’s too laid-back on some issues.”

Today, the Gregorys live in the same house on the north side of Columbus in which they first settled to raise their children. Now with five grandchildren, ranging in age from 13 to 7, the couple spend a lot of time with family and one another. They are avid golfers and addicted to Indiana University basketball.

They have sat in the third row, on the floor, at IU’s home games for the past 40 years.

One of Susie’s paintings depicts the 2011 game at Assembly Hall when IU beat Kentucky and the fans stormed the floor in celebration. She donated the painting, called “The Resurrection,” to the team, and it hung in coach Tom Crean’s office for some time.

12 • FEBRUARY 2015 • PRIME TIME

The Gregorys have always had dogs, and golden retrievers Nellie, 13, and Ruby, 4, accompany them just about everywhere they go.

“We drive over to the airport to walk them sometimes, and he always takes his Mustang convertible,” Susie says. “No matter how cold it is, I sit in the back seat with Ruby and Nellie sits up front with him with the top down and heater on. Some days if the girls have their heads down, it looks like he’s driving Miss Susie.”

Many things can make or break a relationship, David says. From the death of parents to divorces among grown children and the loss of pets, things hap-

David typically fixes their lunch.

pen. It’s how you handle the situation that matters.

You have to support one another.

“You don’t hold anything in either,” David says.

“There’s a lot of sniping, sarcasm and teasing, but none of it’s nasty.”

The Gregorys admit they’ve had their share of ups and downs, but nothing that’s ever truly rocked them to their core, Susie says.

“If you don’t have a good relationship, a lot of marriages fall apart when the kids leave the home,” she says. “It’s the same thing with retirees. If you don’t like each other or want to spend time together, then you have trouble.” PT PRIME TIME • FEBRUARY 2015 • 13

MONEY

By Jennifer Willhite

Wanted:

a crystal ball Cost of health care worries would-be retirees 14 • FEBRUARY 2015 • PRIME TIME

C

hanges to Medicare are forcing many retirees to dig deeper into their pockets to cover unanticipated costs. So how do you know if you’ve saved enough to cover your health care costs in retirement?

“Individuals who have worked hard all their lives, saved and been very responsible with their spending find that when you start spending $6,000 per month for nursing home care, it doesn’t take long to dwindle away what you’ve saved.”

— Lora Mount

Historically, for retirees who had their medical plans in place, health care costs weren’t much of a concern, says Scott DeDomenic, senior vice president and financial consultant with Hilliard Lyons. However, with the implementation of the Affordable Care Act the health care landscape is changing.

Under the ACA, most catastrophic coverage policies, such as just hospitalization, are no longer offered. As a trade-off, basic plans now cover more wellness issues, such as physicals and routine tests, he says. The reasoning is that it’s more cost-effective to catch health issues early than to let them go over time.

“Preventative care is now considered standard health care,” DeDomenic says. “The problem is it makes the plans more expensive.”

Individuals who are accustomed to paying $50 to $60 each month for insurance through their employer are finding their premiums increasing almost tenfold to nearly $600 per month for a married couple, he says. So for retirees living on a fixed income, such a jump in premium costs is a big deal.

It used to be that your employer would cover costs Medicare didn’t, but that, too, is going away, DeDomenic says.

Additionally, with the ACA, many of the comprehensive Medicare plans are evolving to offer a more holistic, cost-effective approach.

However, paying out-of-pocket for supplemental coverage, such as Medicare Parts A, B and D, can quickly drain savings you have set aside for other expenses.

“Medicare has evolved as the medical community has evolved,” DeDomenic says. “You may not need to be concerned if you have a major health event, but the challenge becomes meeting the monthly and annual expenses.”

According to Fidelity Investments, in 2013 PRIME TIME • FEBRUARY 2015 • 15

[MONEY] estimated health care costs that could accrue during retirement for a married couple were about $220,000.

That is a hefty chunk of change, which begs the question, what is the best way to financially prepare?

If you’re not already retired, start looking at what your retirement budget is going to be and look at your available resources, recommends Jalene Hahn, financial planning associate with Warren Ward Associates.

“You’re going to have Social Security, you may have a pension and then your personal savings,” Hahn says.

“Look at how long that could last.”

Although there is some disagreement within the financial planning industry surrounding exactly how much you should budget to live on, the general rule is that you should not withdraw more than 4 percent of your savings per year, she says.

The challenge is figuring in health care costs over the long term, which is one of the major unknowns, she says. Factoring in your family health history can help alleviate some of the uncertainty.

“If you have parents who lived a long time, chances are you will, too,” she says.

Your current health plays a large role in retirement planning, says Lora Mount, attorney with Voelz Law office. She says that although you may not realize it,

16 • FEBRUARY 2015 • PRIME TIME

it’s important to ask the right questions since you cannot predict what the future holds.

“We have a lot of clients who are approaching retirement age or who have already retired, and they’re worried about the health care costs that could start creeping up or it has already begun to happen,” Mount says. “They’re coming in to see what they can do to offset some of those costs.”

Say you or your spouse receives a diagnosis of a long-term, progressive illness. If one spouse outlives the other, the surviving spouse may be unable to live alone, she says. So it is a matter of structuring the estate plan to allow some of the assets to be protected in trust for the remaining spouse.

Along those same lines, Mount says the biggest concern of the clients she generally sees is nursing home costs. Many believe Medicare is a good solution should they find they need long-term care, but even under older Medicare rules that isn’t the case.

Yes, depending on the Medicare policy you have, you may be covered for rehabilitation stays, but beyond that you’re going to pay out of pocket for what Medicare doesn’t cover.

“Those are the costs that frighten some of our clients,” Mount says. “Individuals who have worked hard all their lives, saved and been very responsible with their spending find that when you start spending $6,000 per month for nursing home care, it doesn’t take long to dwindle away what you’ve saved.”

The key is to not put off looking into long-term care insurance, she says. Once you reach 50 years old, establishing and paying into a policy can be somewhat expensive.

“There are some new products on the market that offer long-term care insurance as an add-on,” she says. “So if you never need long-term care, you don’t just lose the premiums you’ve paid in for a long time. It pays out as a death benefit to your named beneficiaries.”

Deciphering Medicare plan options can be complicated and overwhelming, so it’s also beneficial to surround yourself with a team of professionals, such as a financial adviser, accountant and estate planning attorney, to advise you about how to structure your retirement plan.

“It’s a matter of working with such professionals to figure out what assets you have, how those assets might best be structured to give you the cash flow you need each month,” Mount says. “That way you can be growing your assets and get through comfortably in your retirement.” PT

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profile

Heeding the

call St. B’s priest treasures people he has served on his spiritual journey

T

By Jennifer Willhite n photos by Joe Harpring

he Rev. Clem Davis, pastor of St. Bartholomew Catholic Parish, admits his journey to the priesthood was unique and, ultimately, rewarding, but regardless of where it takes him he will always be plagued by “what ifs.”

When he graduated from Chicago’s St. Patrick’s High School in 1961, Davis aspired to become an English teacher. But while attending Catholic Mass during his freshman year at St. Mary’s University in Winona, Minnesota, he had an epiphany. A voice in his head said, “You could be doing this.”

“My immediate response was I couldn’t be doing this,” the Chicago native says. “I would have to be a priest, and I don’t want to be a priest.”

And so an inner dialogue, or argument as the now 71-year-old Davis describes it, commenced and lasted for months.

Although he was raised Catholic, he refrained from talking to anyone about his experience and tried to dismiss it. However, when the conundrum began to affect his studies, he had to make a decision.

18 • FEBRUARY 2015 • PRIME TIME

PRIME TIME • FEBRUARY 2015 • 19

[profile] By the spring of 1962, he accepted that he would have to leave St. Mary’s and seek a program for priestly formation that would help him discern if his calling to the priesthood was genuine. The decision forced Davis to face many hurdles; chief among them was breaking the news to his mother, Greta.

“She was not Catholic,” he says. “She was just distraught, quite frankly, at the thought I would even be considering a life without marriage, a family and children.”

Davis received his Bachelor of Arts degree in theology from St. Percopias, which is now known as Benedictine University, in Lyle, Illinois, in 1966. He moved to Germany, where he lived as a “monk in formation” while attending the University of Munich, where he was ordained in August 1970.

He remained in a German monastery until 1974, when he left the monastic life and returned to the United States to settle in the Indianapolis area. He affectionately refers to the time that followed as his “rent-a-monk” years when he was “farmed out” to help at parishes around the city. He quickly found he was being drawn further into the community and away from his Benedictine life.

The self-described procrastinator eventually wrote a letter to the Vatican seeking release from his Benedictine vows. Pope John Paul II granted his request in 1983.

After serving a total of nearly 20 years between Holy Spirit and St. Monica Catholic churches in Indianapolis, Davis was assigned to St. Bartholomew Catholic Church by the archdiocese in 1997. He equates the transition to Columbus as jumping onto a moving train, because there was so much going on. He was to help build a new church, unite the city’s parishes and become involved in the community.

The greatest challenge of the priesthood is one’s self, he says. “As the Doubting Thomas I always am, my biggest single hurdle is in regards to the gifts I have to bring to a situation and my misgivings about not being prepared,” he says.

But, hurdles aside, Davis says the rewards of the priesthood are “out of this world – and within this world.” He considers himself blessed to be surrounded by the people he has been “yoked with” in the ministry. And yet a part of him misses the monastic life.

“I was never unhappy being a monk,” he says. “But while I do sometimes miss the peace, quiet and not

Below: The Rev. Clem Davis, pastor of St. Bartholomew Catholic Parish, marks the doorway as he blesses the home of Russell Hilderbrand and Erin Beckman. Opposite page: Davis prays with them during the blessing of their apartment.

20 • FEBRUARY 2015 • PRIME TIME

PRIME TIME • FEBRUARY 2015 • 21

[profile] having quite so full a schedule, I realize that if I had stayed in the monastery there would have been all sorts of people I wouldn’t have met.”

With limited time for recreation, Davis says he enjoys a good book every now and again and even sings with the Columbus Indiana Philharmonic Chorus on occasion. He also enjoys spending some time practicing his golf swing.

“I enjoy golfing with friends when we can get out and do it,” he says. “But I’ve not been dedicated enough to become good enough where the enjoyment outweighs the frustration.”

Kathy Davis-Shanks, pastoral associate at St. Bartholomew, describes Davis as a very faith-filled, spiritual person. The rapport he has with parishioners is a reflection of his “zeal for the Lord and for being a priest,” she says. “He loves celebrating the sacraments with people, visiting the sick and is generally very interested in our parishioners. Where I see it the most is when families are going through a difficult time, he is so compassionate and merciful.”

Davis definitely has a close relationship with the church’s nearly 4,000 parishioners, says Bogdan Minut, director of music ministry at St. Bartholomew. It’s Davis’ personality that makes him so approachable, Minut says.

“If at any point in your life you have the need to speak to a priest from a spiritual point of view, but also a human point of view, he is the best choice,” Minut says. “He is a good listener who empathizes with people, and that is a great gift.”

Davis says the priesthood requires qualities that are no different from what makes for a good husband or father. You have to understand people are traveling on their own journey and recognize each is at a different stage in his life, he says. At the core of one’s understanding must be attentiveness and compassion.

“You have to be willing to give of yourself,” Davis says. “You have to believe that around every corner, even when you can’t see around it, there’s going to be another blessing.”

Approaching his 45th year in the priesthood, Davis says there’s nothing he would change.

And though he had some initial misgivings about coming to Columbus since he’d never lived in a small community, there’s nowhere else he would rather be.

“Columbus has so much more to offer than most cities its size,” he says. “The more I think about retirement, I can’t imagine wanting to retire any place other than right here.” PT

Above left: Davis enjoys the fellowship of parishioners during a Friends of Haiti dinner. Above right: He goes over some materials with Eric and Becky Reeck before a classroom session of the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults.

Opposite page top: Davis delivers his homily during Mass.

22 • FEBRUARY 2015 • PRIME TIME

“

You have to be willing to give of yourself. You have to believe that around every corner, even when you can’t see around it, there’s going to be another blessing.

”

— the Rev. Clem Davis

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PRIME TIME • FEBRUARY 2015 • 23

health

Serving a niche market Hospital program focuses on improving health care for seniors

By Barney Quick The various phases of life present particular health concerns. Seniors, in particular, encounter experiences with their bodies, energy levels and outlooks that are new to them.

The health care community in Columbus is aware of this and has taken steps to attune itself to their needs.

At Columbus Regional Health, that takes the form of participation in the Nurses Improving Care for Health System Elders, or NICHE, program, based at New York University College of Nursing. Kathryn L. Jackson, a registered nurse and CRH coordinator for NICHE, said the program “puts evidence-based tools at the nurse’s fingertips.”

24 • FEBRUARY 2015 • PRIME TIME

The hospital has attained NICHE accreditation, at the program’s level 2 (out of four), for the past three years. “That means we have enough elements in place that an elderly person can expect that nurses would understand their specific needs,” Jackson said.

The guiding principles of NICHE are evidencebased geriatric care at the bedside, patient/familycentered environments, a healthy and productive practice environment and multidimensional metrics of quality. The designation process includes a leadership training program, an action plan, demonstration of administrative commitment and demonstration that the facility’s implementation plan is feasible.

Jackson said that much of her educational efforts involve getting staff to distinguish between special circumstances and the normal aging phenomenon.

“Sometimes nurses don’t even recognize the training as being NICHE.” Normal aging characteristics include changes in eyesight, the cardiovascular system and muscle mass.

“We want to convey that you can’t handle an 85-yearold’s body in the same manner as a 16-year-old’s.”

She said that, on average, at age 65, a person will have about four chronic health conditions. Some of the most common are hypertension, high cholesterol and diabetes.

The physician champion for NICHE at CRH is Dr. Natasha Singh. “It’s my personal interest,” she said. “I can tell you the nursing staff here is awesome. The care they provide is of the same quality as

I saw at Mount Sinai Medical Center in New York, where I trained.”

Singh’s specialty is acute-care internal medicine.

She’s been at CRH for five years and has been a hospitalist for nearly 10 years. She said the hospital has been very supportive of doctors and nurses there obtaining CMEs (continuing medical education, required for licensing and yearly credentialing) in the area of seniors’ special circumstances.

Jackson said that the nursing staff has considerable leeway about implementing NICHE practices. “The physician certainly can always say, ‘I don’t want this,’ but our nursing staff doesn’t have to go through the physician to implement the protocols.”

The appearance of delirium and confusion is a frequent issue for the CRH staff. Singh said, “Some of that could be a baseline issue, like dementia, but it PRIME TIME • FEBRUARY 2015 • 25

[health] could be due to infection or sensitivity to certain medications.” Jackson adds that unfamiliar surroundings and interrupted sleep can be factors. She said that the “number one strategy is getting people out of bed and walking.” Other strategies include getting sunlight, bundling of tasks by the nursing staff to reduce disruption of the patient’s rest and making sure the patient has hearing aids, glasses and dentures if needed.

Falls are another age-related occurrence to which the hospital devotes particular focus. “Falls are induced by something; they’re preventable,” said Singh.

“We focus on determining the cause. Every unit in this hospital keeps track of how long it has been fall-free.”

Causes of falls include the effects of medicines, low lights, unfamiliar surroundings, diabetes, Parkinson’s disease, which can lessen the feeling in one’s feet, and urinary tract infections.

Six Tower, a medical-surgical unit, tends to get an above-average sampling of people over 65. Among its efforts to address their needs is the enlisting of volunteers to eat and socialize with patients. It also has hosted a pilot program of interdisciplinary meetings, which bring together nurses, case managers, therapists,

physicians and pharmacists to discuss the circumstances of the unit’s patients.

Physicians’ practices in Columbus are attuned to seniors’ particular circumstances as well. Dr. Mark Royer, an ear, nose and throat specialist, said that older patients’ “risk for surgical procedures is higher, so our specialty, and our clinic, focuses on providing more surgeries in a minimally invasive fashion, often at our office.”

He stresses the importance of the patient providing the doctor a thorough medication history.

“It’s important to keep an updated list of all medications and dosages you’re currently taking and bring them to all clinic appointments.”

Gwen Kresovsky, a nurse practitioner at Kavelman Family Medicine, describes that practice as “kind of a patient’s home. He or she may have a number of specialists to see, but we can translate what the patient is told by each one into lay terms.”

Kavelman recommends that seniors shopping for a general practice look for a National Committee for Quality Assurance-certified office.

Dr. Mark Royer inserts tubes in the ears of Columbus resident Mark Davis at the offices of Columbus ENT and Allergy. For years Davis has dealt with pressure from trapped fluid in his ears. | photo by Joe Harpring 26 • FEBRUARY 2015 • PRIME TIME

“Those adhere to nationally set metrics,” he says. His practice has a Level 3 certification.

Seniors themselves tend to stress a willingness to listen as the primary trait they seek in a doctor. “My doctor was really concerned that I needed to retire due to the stress of my job,” said Sande Hummel. She adds that he gives her leeway regarding her reluctance to take medication. “My approach is healthy living, supplements, good food and lots of water. He’s always positive about how I take care of myself.”

Ron Morris said that about four years ago, he finally found a doctor who satisfactorily worked with him regarding his blood pressure. “He encouraged my exercise program. We went through a whole series of measures for a few years, and I was getting all kinds of crazy readings. He finally concluded that I needed to come to his office for my readings. He’s very polite and willing to discuss the merits of various generics.”

Morris’ tip for seniors looking for a doctor is to “listen for how he’s going to react to what’s going on in your life.”

Jackson pointed out the other side of that equation, noting that older patients are less inclined to volunteer information that the health care provider

needs. “They’re less likely to ask what they need to be doing,” she added.

That’s why care for the older population needs to be somewhat holistic. As Jackson put it, “You can’t just treat them for what they’re here for.” PT

20% of adults age 65 and over have been victimized by financial fraud and abuse.

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Home Care By Seniors For Seniors Be Wise, Be Aware: Prevent Elder Financial Abuse, produced by the national Elder Financial Protection Network, is a hard-hitting documentary that takes a candid look at elder financial abuse and who is perpetrating this crime. The public is invited to a free viewing of Be Wise, Be Aware on: Monday, April 20 6:30 PM YES Cinema 328 Jackson Street, Columbus A panel discussion will immediately follow the 25 minute film.

Free concessions will be provided.

Information booths will be located in the lobby. For information, call Thrive Alliance at 812-372-6918.

Companion Care • Housekeeping Services Meal Preparation/Cooking • Transportation/Shopping Doctor Appointments • Overnight Care • Handyman Services And More!

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812.447.4164 | F: 812.657.3940 | www.seniorshelpingseniors.com PRIME TIME • FEBRUARY 2015 • 27

28 • FEBRUARY 2015 • PRIME TIME

profile

40 [More than]

years of music

Teacher and singer content being a hometown star

J

By Sharon Mangas anie Gordon, performing artist and choral director at Columbus North High School, has deep musical roots in Bartholomew County. She was practically born singing.

“My parents were both talented musicians,” says Gordon. “My dad, Bob Losure, played in a dance band when I was little, and he always let me play with his old 1940s-style microphone. I sang along with it to my favorite records for hours at a time, pretending I was a singer in a band.”

When she was 6, Gordon’s parents enrolled their precocious daughter in ballet lessons, and by age 9 she had snagged her first role in a musical, the part of Amaryllis in a Columbus Arts Guild production of “The Music Man.” “I had supportive parents who saw my love of music and nurtured my talent,” she says.

Years of piano and voice lessons followed, honing her skills. After graduating from Columbus North in 1977, Gordon studied music education at Indiana University. She performed with the Singing Hoosiers in college and still serves on the group’s alumni board.

“If it wasn’t for the Singing Hoosiers, I’m not sure I would’ve stuck it out,” she says. “IU’s a big school. It can overwhelm you. The Singing

Hoosiers kept me busy and gave me something to belong to.” Many of her former students have performed with the group, too.

Gordon dreamed of going to New York, but a stint performing at dinner theaters in Florida and for a cruise line following her junior year at IU caused her to reconsider.

“I wanted to star on Broadway,” says Gordon.

“Who doesn’t at that age?” After a year, she returned to Bloomington to finish college.

Reflecting on her short-lived professional career, she has no regrets. “I got a taste of what it was like and realized that deep down I was a hometown kid. I’m old-fashioned. I have traditional values, and the gypsy lifestyle was not for me.”

Love anchored her in Columbus, too. Gordon was student teaching when she met her now husband of 30 years, Columbus native Mark Gordon.

“Four weeks after our first date, we were engaged, and we got married seven months later,” she says.

Marriage and family, including children, Amy, 28, and Chris, 26, kept her in Columbus, but nothing could keep her away from music and performing. She’s starred in many Mill Race Players productions over the years, collaborated with the Columbus Indiana Philharmonic, sings in her church choir and had a long run as lead singer for the popular local band, 40 Years of College.

PRIME TIME • FEBRUARY 2015 • 29

[profile] “I had to give up the band when I started teaching full time,” says Gordon, “but once in a while I still get a chance to perform with the guys. It’s always fun.”

Gordon’s motto could be “the show must go on.”

She’s performed and taught through challenges that would have stopped others in their tracks. “In 1990, when I played Anna in “The King and I” for Mill Race Players,” she says, “I had an appendectomy 10 days before opening. Anna was one of my favorite parts ever, and I wasn’t going to give it up. My surgeon was skeptical, but I talked him into releasing me,” Gordon recalls with a chuckle.

“Shelli Loheide came to the hospital and ran lines with me. During the show, the crew placed pillows at strategic places on stage for me to lean on when I had to bow to the king. I even managed all the dancing.”

Loheide, who met Gordon in 1983 through Mill Race Players, is a fan and a friend. “Over the years, I’ve taken great pleasure watching Janie come into her own, not only as a performer, but as an asset to the arts community,” says Loheide. “So many young performers who have gone on to do amazing things with their music would name Janie as a major inspiration and motivator.”

1 2

30 • FEBRUARY 2015 • PRIME TIME

4 1 Janie Gordon leads the Columbus North Debuteens and Music Men as they sing the national anthem at a 2010 Pacers game. | submitted photo. 2 She is the former lead singer of 40 Years of College. | submitted photo. 3 She says the support of her husband, Mark, was crucial to her successful battle with breast cancer. | submitted photo. 4 Gordon chats with Michael Behling of the Columbus North Music Men at a holiday show. | photo by Joe Harpring

3

Gordon faced her biggest challenge in 2009, when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, just two months after her mother, Nancy Losure, died. “I couldn’t believe my mom wasn’t there to hold me and tell me it was going to be all right, but I have an amazing husband. If it weren’t for Mark, I couldn’t have done it. He’s my rock.

“And I come from a long line of strong-willed, stubborn women. “When I was growing up, anytime I faced a rough patch, my Grandma Snyder would say, ‘Honey, you’re just going to have to buck up.’ That attitude was ingrained in me. … I know that tomorrow will come, and that I can’t succumb to negativity and failure.”

In the fall of 2009, Gordon returned to teaching while in the midst of cancer treatment. Her students rallied around her, even organizing a concert in her honor. The proceeds from The Courage to Climb Concert, now an annual event, go to the Hoosier Cancer Research Network. She recently celebrated five years of being cancer-free.

She loves her role as teacher. Several of her former students are already making names for themselves in the entertainment industry.

PRIME TIME • FEBRUARY 2015 • 31

[profile] Katie Hamilton, 28, now pursuing a professional singing career in New York, is one. “When I began working with musicians in college and after, I realized how much Janie had been spoiling me the whole time I was her student,” Hamilton says. “I wouldn’t be the musician or person I am today without her guidance.”

Marja Harmon, 31, currently performing in “The Book of Mormon” in New York, took voice lessons from Gordon for years. “I love how Janie gives individual attention to every student,” she says. “She creates a vocal curriculum that’s fine-tuned for each one. And she’s genuinely interested in her students’ lives. She’s a wonderful mentor and nurturer. Janie was integral to my childhood, helping me become the vocalist I am today.”

While understandably proud of her star students, Gordon maintains, “It’s not always about the music. I try to impart life skills to all my students. Things like manners, respect and self-confidence. That’s the thing kids come back and tell me means the most to them … that they learned how to believe in themselves … that they gained self-confidence from being in one of my classes.”

Now 56 and still a few years from retirement, Gordon looks forward to the day she can spend more time with family, especially now that she and Mark have their first grandchild, 4-month-old Oliver Shaff, son of daughter Amy and son-in-law Aaron.

Gordon would like to take up painting and hopes to write a book one day about her experiences as a cancer patient.

“Cancer is one of the best things that ever happened to me. It changed my life priorities. There are so many things I’d like to do with my life. Why wait?”

Chris Crawl, technical director for the Columbus Area Arts Council, has known Gordon professionally and personally for years and echoes the sentiments of many in her wide circle of friends. “It’s always a pleasure to work with Janie. I’ve known her as a singer, an actress, a musician, a teacher, a mentor. She draws out the best in those around her. And now she’s a grandmother. Like every role she plays, she’ll play that one with passion. I’m blessed to know Janie and to call her my friend.” PT

With the holidays approaching, Gordon reviews changes in the schedules for Columbus North choir classes. Left: She goes over music with her son, Chris Gordon, as the two take part in rehearsal for the Columbus Indiana Philharmonic’s Cabaret at The Commons. Top: She plays piano and sings with students in the Festival Chorus. | photos by Joe Harpring 32 • FEBRUARY 2015 • PRIME TIME

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MONEY

Strong dollar makes

world travel

cheaper for Americans

By DAVID KOENIG n AP Airlines Writer DALLAS — If you’ve been putting off a trip abroad because it’s too expensive, start packing your bags. A stronger dollar has reduced the price of travel, from a hotel room to a glass of beer, in much of Europe, Japan, India and elsewhere.

“This is one of the best times for Americans to travel in years,” says Matt Kepnes, author of “How to Travel the World on $50 a Day” and other travel books.

Other economies are shaky, making their currencies less valuable. Europe is barely growing. Japan is already officially in recession.

China’s growth has slowed. Meanwhile, the U.S. economy has been chugging along, and the dollar has gained, too. Many economists expect that steady U.S. growth will compel the Federal Reserve to raise interest rates later this year, making dollar investments more attractive and leading traders to sell other currencies and buy dollars.

Let’s say that in June you had a charming dinner for two in Paris for 75 euros. First, congratulations. Second, it cost $103 then; today it would be $89. Expensive countries may not be cheap, but at least they’re more affordable now.

34 • FEBRUARY 2015 • PRIME TIME

Thanks to the pound’s decline, England is cheaper than it was six months ago. But the euro has slumped more, making most of continental Europe an even better bargain. Kepnes says Greece is attractive right now because hotels and tour operators have been slashing prices to fill rooms. The same thing is happening in Portugal and parts of Spain.

“Be the contrarian traveler,” he says. “If you want to go to Europe, consider eastern or central Europe, where prices are generally cheaper,” he says. He recommends going during the “shoulder season” — late spring or early fall — rather than in the peak summer season.

Demand for travel is so strong that most airlines don’t have to cut prices to sell seats.

“The summer fares are still very expensive,” says George Hobica, founder of travel website airfarewatchdog.com. But airlines might cut prices this spring if the strong dollar discourages Europeans and Asians from flying to and from the U.S. Hobica recommends checking foreign airlines. He says Etihad, Qatar Airways, Turkish Airlines and others sometimes offer better prices to Europe than U.S. carriers do, although they could include a distant stopover. PT

PRIME TIME • FEBRUARY 2015 • 35

lifestyle

Grandparents raising grandkids describe joy, isolation

By Kate Santich n Orlando Sentinel (TNS)

T

ORLANDO, Fla. — Teresa Apgar once envisioned her senior years as a time of globe-trotting travel and a busy social life.

Instead, she’s chauffeuring an 8-year-old to tae kwon do, learning about attention-deficit disorder and supervising math homework.

“Look, I’m 58. My husband is 67. This is not where we’d planned on being at this stage in life,” the DeLand, Fla., resident said.

“Everything in our lives revolves around the school schedule. It’s not like you can just dash off to Vegas.”

Like 2.9 million grandparents across the country, Apgar and

36 • FEBRUARY 2015 • PRIME TIME

her husband, DeLand Mayor Bob Apgar, have become the main caretakers for their grandchild. Their numbers have climbed steeply in recent years — 12 percent from 2000 to 2010, and demographers have tracked a continuing increase going back three decades.

Financial pressures are blamed for the trend during the Great Recession, but other reasons range from parental drug abuse to incarceration to death and tragedy.

Apgar was awarded custody when her daughter suffered severe brain damage in a suicide attempt.

“I immediately read everything I could find on grandparents raising grandchildren,” she said. “Almost all of it was this touchy-feely stuff that doesn’t tell you what it’s really like. It’s very isolating.”

The complaint is a common one. After all, it’s one thing to dote on your grandkids during a visit. It’s entirely another to be responsible 24-7 — especially at a time in life when you may not have the energy you did a generation earlier.

But for Sharon Hampton, 58, the biggest struggle is financial.

Granted custody of her two grandsons in 2010 when the parents

could no longer care for them, the former Central Florida social worker had to quit work to take care of the toddlers when she couldn’t afford child care. Husband Trevor, 10 years her senior, then went back to work during what was supposed to be his retirement.

“There are a lot of grandparents out there like us who will do whatever it takes to raise their grandchildren,” Hampton said. “But it’s expensive. And I have to look at every penny I spend on myself. We have good insurance, but there’s a $30 co-pay to go to the doctor. For

$30, I can pay for their tennis lessons for a week.”

When a severe stomach ailment sent her to the hospital recently, she ignored a doctor’s recommendation that she be admitted, instead opting to return home to care for the boys.

“When you see the smiles on their faces, when you see them laugh, when they run to you for help or crawl into the bed with us at 1 or 2 in the morning — well, you can’t beat that kind of love,” she said. “If they were to be taken away now, it would break our hearts.”

That doesn’t mean, though, that she wouldn’t like a little more help. If she were to turn the 5- and 6-year-old boys over to the state, foster parents would be paid about $780 a month to care for them, and the children would be eligible for four-year college scholarships.

As a guardian, Hampton can get only $241 a month.

“I think more grandparents would do this and more children would be kept out of foster care if not for the financial burden,” she said.

The nonprofit advocacy group Generations United estimates that grandparents save taxpayers a staggering $6.5 billion a year in child-welfare costs — money the government would otherwise pay to strangers to take care of the children.

“Most of these grandparents are not doing this with guardianship or custody. Most are doing it informally,” said Amy Goyer, AARP’s designated grandparenting expert. “Some of them are really, really struggling.”

On the other hand, Goyer said, many grandparents don’t realize there is some help available, even though it’s limited. The federally funded Temporary Aid to Needy

Families, for instance, will give grandparents a small stipend based solely on the child’s income, which is typically zero. And in Florida, grandparents raising their grandchildren can apply for respite care so the elders can take short breaks from parenting duties.

State officials say they’re doing everything the law allows them to do.

“It’s a delicate subject when you talk to these relatives,” said William D’Aiuto, managing director for the Florida Department of Children and Families’ central region. “I understand their concern, and we appreciate them stepping up and sacrificing for these children, but the Legislature has set the caregiver and foster-care rates, and that’s what we use.”

The sacrifices can be considerable.

“The biggest hurdle my granddaughter and I had was my husband,” said Joan Hansen, a 75-year-old Orlando retiree. “He had never had children before, and to have a child come in when we were pretty set in our lifestyle was hard for him. When she got to be a teenager and they didn’t get along, he said, ‘I don’t need this’ and left.”

Hansen was 61 when her daughter — near the end of a hardfought battle with breast cancer — called the extended family to her bedside to announce her wishes for her then 5-year-old daughter.

“There was really no discussion,” Hansen said. “And I would do it all over again, no question.

Sure, her rebellious years caused me some grief, but she brought me so much joy.”

Granddaughter Ashley Lynch is now 19 and in college. The two talk every day.

“I just wouldn’t be the same person without her,” Lynch said. “I feel different, but in a good way.” PT PRIME TIME • FEBRUARY 2015 • 37

calendar of events February february

Viewpoint Books at Sixth and Washington streets.

Information: 812-764-6477.

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— Columbus City Band Winter Concert.

2 p.m., The Commons. Free. Steve McGrew conducts the longest-running volunteer community band in the state in performing show tunes, concert, symphonic and military band music.

— Columbus Symphony Orchestra “From Russia With Love,” 3:30 p.m., Columbus North High School auditorium, 1400 25th St. Tickets $10 at the door. Information: www.csoindiana.org.

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— Cabaret at The Commons. 7:30 p.m., The Commons. Big-voiced Broadway veteran Mandy Gonzalez will take the stage spreading her love through songs. Tickets: $50 VIP seating and post-cabaret party, $30 preferred seating, $15 Mandy Gonzalez general seating. Information: 812376-2638, ext. 110.

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— The Langston Hughes Project, 7 p.m., The Commons, 300 Washington St. To mark Black History Month, a suite of the famed black poet’s works presented in a multimedia performance of spoken word, a jazz quartet featuring Ron McCurdy and a slide presentation of Hughes’ era. Special guest artist and native Columbus singer Marja Harmon also will perform. Tickets available at

-March 1 — Columbus Canstruction.

Free. 10 a.m. to 9 p.m., Fair Oaks Mall. Teams of architects, engineers, businesses and community groups compete to design and build objects made from thousands of cans of food, which will be donated to fight hunger.

— Kidscommons Carnivale Italy. 7 to 11 p.m., kidscommons, 309 Washington St. A casual evening filled with Italian fare prepared

by Gethin Thomas at Henry Social Club, a free signature drink, dancing, entertainment and live and silent auctions. Cost is $75 per person, must be 21 or older to attend. Cash bar. Free valet parking.

Tickets available at kidscommons, by phone at 812-378-3046 or online at www.kidscommons.org.

All proceeds benefit kidscommons museum and educational programming.

MARCH march

6

— First Fridays for Families: Stunt Comedian Wacky Chad. Free. 6 p.m., The Commons, 300 Washington St. Information: 812-3762539.

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— Cabaret at The Commons. 7:30 p.m., The Commons. From jazz clubs to Carnegie Hall to Las Vegas headlining with Don Rickles, Tony DeSare has brought his fresh take to classics around the globe. DeSare can deftly glide from a Gershwin standard to a Bob Dylan or Paul McCartney classic, to one of his inventive original songs. Tickets: $50 VIP seating and post-cabaret party, $30 preferred seating, $15 general seating. Information: 812-3762638, ext. 110.

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— Columbus Speedway – 25th Street Raceway Old Timers Reunion. 11 a.m. to 4 p.m., Bartholomew County 4-H Fairgrounds Family Arts Building. Bench racing, memorabilia, racing videos, vintage and modern car display. Table top sprint car racing for kids. Awards and trophies, door

community band in the state in performing show tunes, concert, symphonic and military band music.

Admission is free. Information: columbuscityband. org.

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— Third annual Family Service CAP Adult Prom. 7 to 11 p.m., The Commons. Whether your prom was in 2003 or 1953, the variety of food and the open cash bar will be sure to please all. Of course there will be party favors, a red carpet, “prom photos,” silent auction, song requests, a prom king and queen, and many more surprises, all to benefit the Child Abuse Prevention activities. (Must be 21 or over to attend). Information: 812-372-3745 or email famserv@familyservicebc.org.

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Stunt comedian Wacky Chad

— Columbus Indiana Philharmonic “Best of Broadway.” Broadway has a rich legacy of great music – and not just from the musical theater stage. The Metropolitan Opera was located at Broadway and 39th for 83 years. Mary Claire King returns home to join the Philharmonic Orchestra and Chorus for music from the stage, the best of both worlds. 7:30 p.m., Columbus North High School auditorium.Tickets/information: 812-376-2638, ext.

111.

prizes, food and drinks. Free admission. Information: 812-378-2060 or roadsters@comcast.net.

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— Columbus Indiana Philharmonic Freedom Concert. This performance celebrates the end of the American Civil War, the stalwart president who fought for equal rights for everyone and the yearning of all people for freedom.

James Westwater’s stunning “photochoreography” has received rave reviews from audiences all over the world. Come see his stirring visual tribute to Lincoln as we perform Copland’s “Lincoln Portrait.” 7:30 p.m., Columbus North High School auditorium. Tickets/ information: 812-376-2638, ext. 111.

APRIL april

10

— First Fridays for Families: “Snow White” by Dancers Studio. Free, 6 p.m., The Commons, 300 Washington St. Information: 812-3762539.

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— Columbus City Band concert. 2 p.m., The Commons, 300 Washington St. Stephen McGrew conducts the longest-running volunteer

— Columbus Symphony Orchestra, “A New Look at Lasting Impressions,” 3:30 p.m., Columbus North High School auditorium, 1400 25th St. Information: www.csoindiana.org.

MAY may

2

— Kelly Miller Circus. Three shows at 2, 5 and 7:30 p.m., Bartholomew County 4-H Fairgrounds. Sponsored by the Columbus Lions Club and the Bartholomew County Reserve Sheriff’s Deputies. Discount advance tickets go on sale in April at Kroger and Columbus MainSource Bank branches. Information: 812-343-1648.

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— Columbus Indiana Philharmonic Salute Concert. 7 p.m., courthouse lawn, downtown Columbus. The philharmonic’s hometown concert in honor of those who have served and still serve in the U.S. Armed Forces.

Performed annually on the grounds of the Bartholomew County Memorial for Veterans.

Information: 812-376-2638, ext. 111.

PRIME TIME • FEBRUARY 2015 • 39

M y Back Pages Sharon Mangas

A flood of memories makes unforgettable gift I recently viewed an online list of the top 10 gifts guys should give their sweethearts for Valentine’s Day. There were the regulars: flowers, perfume and jewelry, along with some that baffled me … like No. 9, socks, or No. 5, a phone case.

Socks? Really?

My sweetheart of nearly 40 years has always been a practical-minded gift-giver. We’re an odd couple. I’m the messy creative one. He’s the organized, type A kind. Did I mention he hates to shop? Our first Valentine’s Day together, as poor college students, my husband suggested a mutual (read: practical) gift: a Crock-Pot. I wasn’t exactly thrilled with the idea, but I agreed.

Still hoping for something a bit more romantic, I added, “OK, but let’s give each other a little something else, too (hint, hint).” My little something extra gift has become legend. When Valentine’s Day arrived, Mr. Practicality’s “little something else” was a cake-baking insert for our Crock-Pot. After my initial shock wore off, we had a good laugh about it. We’re still laughing.

So, my science guy’s not the most inspired soul when it comes to gifts, but it’s not jewelry or perfume that’s built our love. Looking back at our years together, it’s been the hard times we’ve been through that have cemented the bonds of our marriage.

A year and a half after we married, I went through 24 hours of hard labor to give birth to our firstborn. I was exhausted to the bone.

I didn’t get a “push present” for my efforts, but when I looked at my husband, cradling our tiny son in his arms with tears in his eyes and a huge smile on his face, every contraction was worth it. I knew I had married the right guy.

We had lots of fun raising our two rowdy boys, but some scary and stormy times, too. Medical emergencies, car wrecks and teen attitudes tested our mettle, but we weathered those challenges. We stayed together. Kept our sanity. We had each other’s backs.

Way better than socks or a phone case.

My husband never complained during the last years of my mother’s life, when her needs often took precedence and kept me away from home for extended periods. The day mother died, he was there by my side, helping me sing her to heaven. What a gift.

We learned what makes for a strong marriage when we lost our home and most of our worldly goods in the flood of 2008. Stripped of personal possessions and without a home to call our own, we had only each other.

The night of the flood, fighting through waisthigh, fast-moving water, we clung to one another for dear life, struggling to reach higher ground. I looked deep in his eyes and knew I married the right guy that night, too. We battled the mud, stink and chaos together and emerged stronger.

Lest you think we’re perfect, we did have one whopper argument during flood reconstruction. Only days before moving back to our rebuilt home, the stress of the previous months finally got to me, and I erupted like a volcano. As I raged through the apartment, blaming my husband for something that’s now lost to history, he kindly and patiently reminded me that we were living in an apartment and the sweet little lady next door was hearing every choice word I uttered. Whoops.

So if you don’t get perfume, candy, socks or even a Crock-Pot this Valentine’s Day, don’t despair. Your treasure may lie elsewhere, where you least expect to find it. Funny how that works.

Sharon Mangas can be reached at sharon.d.mangas@gmail.com.

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