july 2014
Hair Care
101
Pros offer free advice
>> ALSO INSIDE: Rose Ellen Adams // Shabby Sheep and Ewe // Women Who Dared
Beth Staker Breast Health Nurse Navigator
Dr. David Thompson Breast Health Surgeon
WHEN AN ENTIRE TEAM IS FOCUSED AND INNOVATIVE, WE CAN BEAT BREAST CANCER
As the first hospital in the area to offer digital mammography, the first to create a Nurse Navigator Program, and the first to introduce genetic breast counseling, we’re proud of the top quality care and support we offer patients, from diagnosis through recovery. Emotional support is a key component to success in this fight, and our Nurse Navigators are there to guide you every step of the way. For quicker diagnosis and biopsies, immediate follow-up, and a single team of doctors and experts on one campus — great breast health care is here in Columbus. 4Learn more and view inspiring patient stories at crh.org/breast 4Call to schedule an annual mammogram or consultation at 812-376-5064
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Open Daily For Breakfast & Dinner Visit these and other properties online at
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Features
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28 22
contents JULY 2014
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She Magazine // july 2014
Looks We
LOVE!
14 Lovely Locks
Stylists share hair know-how
22 Rose Ellen Adams
Runner reshapes her life
28 Business-Minded
Shabby Sheep and Ewe
38 Women Who Dared: Part 4 Millie Reeves and Margaret Anderson
...for Summertime
Fun!
10 REGULARS 5
Fashion Suits and shades
8
She Finds
21
She Says Celebrity hairstyles
Sunglasses
32 Entertainment
Miranda Lambert
36
Health & Beauty
40
Parenting A social media dilemma
42
Cuisine Desserts with ice cream
46
View from Mars
48
Just a Minute
Mind the thigh gap
Quick recommendations
A UNIQUE BOUTIQUE & DAY SPA
LIKE US ON
643 WASHINGTON ST • 812.372.0477 HOURS: M-F 10-6 | SAT 9-3
july 2014 // she magazine
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July 16, 2014 ACTING EDITOR Doug Showalter COPY EDITOR Katharine Smith SENIOR GRAPHIC ARTIST Amanda Waltz WRITERS Paige Harden Langenderfer Ian McGriff Shannon Palmer Jennifer Willhite photographers Andrew Laker Chet Strange Stock Images Provided by Thinkstock
She ©2014 All rights reserved. Published by The Republic
JULY 2014
on the cover:
SEND COMMENTS TO: Doug Showalter, The Republic, 333 Second St., Columbus, IN 47201. Call 812-379-5625 or email dshowalter@therepublic.com ADVERTISING INFORMATION: Call Cathy Klaes at 812-379-5678 or email cklaes@therepublic.com. All editorial and advertising content in She are copyrighted and cannot be reproduced.
Matt Jackson cuts Sandy Hercamp’s hair at Parlor 424. Photo by Andrew Laker
Hair Care
101
Pros offer free advice
Sheep and Ewe Ellen Adams // Shabby >> ALSO INSIDE: Rose
// Women Who Dared
Check out past issues of She magazine at
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She Magazine // july 2014
Choices
in sunglasses colored by their lenses by samantha critchell
ap fashion writer photos by andrew laker
I
s seeing life through rose-colored sunglasses right for you? It might be if you’re a fan of early-morning bike rides, if you’re a commuter at dusk or you happen to live in a largely overcast climate. Choosing new summer shades is more than an issue of flattering frames. There are decisions to be made about the lenses, too, and there will only be more in the future. Things to think about: Are your sunglasses more for performance or fashion? (You don’t necessarily need to choose.) Are you concerned about glare or definition? Do you want a curved lens that provides maximum coverage or a flatter one that allows more peripheral vision? Will gray, green or rose be a better match for your lifestyle? Each is best suited to handle particular conditions and activities. “Lenses can affect — and can enhance — performance. Sports performance is the biggest category for shopping by lens color and treatments, and most fashion lenses are still browns and grays,” says Justin Bazan, a Brooklyn optometrist and medical adviser for The Vision Council, a trade group for the optical industry. “I can imagine it happening, though, that the tint options that have exploded in sports will soon come to fashion purchases.” Roberto Vedovotto, CEO of Safilo Group, parent company to sunglass brands Carrera, Smith Optics and Polaroid, and the licensing partner for designer labels Gucci, Dior and Marc Jacobs, agrees that it’s on the cusp.
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Customers, he says, are becoming more educated about ultraviolet light — largely because of great strides in sunscreen use, and they are aware that the technology exists to improve sunglass lenses. People are very aware overall about protecting themselves from the sun. “Educated consumers help us,” adds Vedovotto. “People who care about the lenses, they need — they want — perfect vision.” That probably explains why athletes are the most demanding, says Bazan. “For those people who are very competitive, they’ll look for anything that gains an advantage.” That means knowing when polarized lenses, which act as blinders to horizontal rays, make sense, and when they might not. Enthusiasts of water sports, including surfing and sailing, are Hobie Polarized’s most discerning shoppers. And when it comes to lenses, they want antireflective coatings, another coating to shed water and the evenness — almost flatness — of polarization, says Dustin Mora, senior product line manager. Polarization makes sense for many runners, beach-goers and drivers because it will reduce the glare of light
coming from the water, road or sand, he explains. They’re good for fishermen who need to see beneath the surface. A skier, however, who needs to see the shine and shadows of the snow and ice, might want a nonpolarized lens. Sammy Bryant, retail business developer for Adidas Eyewear, says golfers also steer away from polarization because peripheral vision is important on the greens, and a lens with that treatment will have a more noticeable difference between what you see through the glasses and the corner of your eye. The curve of a lens is going to matter, too, Bryant says. It’s measured on a scale of one to 10, he explains, common for reading glasses — which are pretty much straight from end to end — at a five, and ski goggles at a nine. Higher numbers give better protection and cover a wider range of view, but curve can add some distortion. Color is also a factor, according to Nick Gomez, senior product manager of Under Armour Performance Eyewear. While green lenses might be good for the ball field — there’s better balance of background and the target object — brown ones are good for hiking or mountain
Columbia Cora Lake, right, and Pearl Lake, $69.95 each, from Columbia, Edinburgh Premium Outlets, (812) 526-5964
Adidas Adivista with LST Contrast Lenses and RXO Freeform, $263 from Columbus Optical, 2475 Cottage Ave, (812) 372-4117. Recommended for golf and running.
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She Magazine // july 2014
Nike Gaze Solid Pure Purple with MaxGolf Tint, $39.97 from Nike, Edinburgh Premium Outlets, (812) 526-8111
biking because they offer improved depth perception, he says. Generally, gray lenses, maybe with a hint of green, block the brightest rays, and brown are almost as effective but have a slightly warmer effect. Gomez says brown might be the most versatile. Rose helps brighten overcast days and can be particularly helpful in the early morning or near sundown. Yellow lenses have a similar effect. Blue and green lenses provide a view that is truer to natural color, but they might not curb bright light the way a gray lens would. Mirrored lenses, which are, of course, only mirrored on the outside, can be an additional layer of glare perception, notes Bazan. They are less likely to change color perception, he says. “Personal preference is what’s going to drive this. You have to try them on,” says Bazan. “There definitely is a performance factor, and there’s word-ofmouth. People are paying attention to what top-level athletes are using, and fashion purchases are largely driven by designer names, but you have to put them on and look outside.” *she
Liberty Sport Chopper 2 with MagTraxion Technology, RX Able, $174 from Columbus Optical
F8 Liberty Sport Morpheus ss, RX Able, $164 from Columbus Optical. Recommended for soccer, basketball, tennis, racquetball, handball, squash and paddleball.
Natural stone for your home or office is an investment that will give you many years of beautiful service. Come to our showroom to explore the many varieties we offer.
170 Clifty Drive | Madison, IN | 812-574-2222 M–F 8am–5pm | Sat 8am–Noon | www.granbrazil.com
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Vera Bradley Jazzy Blooms, $75*
Fashion Glasses, $14.99*
from Lockett’s Ladies Shop, 426 Washington St., (812) 376-8363
from Ann Taylor, Edinburgh Premium Outlets, (812) 526-6733
shefinds
Compiled by Amanda waltz photos by andrew laker
Fashionable sunglasses are a summer staple for female wardrobes and can be a fun way to change the look of your whole ensemble. Here, local retailers show us which shades are popular this season. Brighton Crystal Voyage, $100*
Teal Giraffe Frames, $15
from Lockett’s Ladies Shop
from Red Lips Spatique, 643 Washington St., (812) 372-0477
Gold Aviators, $14.99*
Floral Frames, $15
from Ann Taylor
from Red Lips Spatique
Brighton Summer of Love, $75*
Orange Geometric Frames, $15
from Lockett’s Ladies Shop
from Red Lips Spatique
*Includes case
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She Magazine // july 2014
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Get in the swim with current styles By CARYN ROUSSEAU Associated Press
Models show Dolores Cortes swimwear at the MercedesBenz Fashion Week swim show in Miami Beach, Fla. (AP Photo/J Pat Carter, File)
Expect bold colors, metallic materials and sporty styles on beaches this summer in, surprisingly, more one-piece silhouettes. A quick guide to this season’s swim looks:
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The Fashion >> PATTERNS, PRINTS, COLORS:
Look for bold, solid colors as opposed to pastels or jewel tones. “Definitely more vibrant,” says Marissa Rubin, People StyleWatch’s senior market editor. Also: Black and white, graphic details and writing or words, global prints and metallics in silvers, bronze, pewter and gold. “It looks really great on bronze skin; the metallics really pop,” Rubin said.
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She Magazine // july 2014
SPORTY STYLES:
Fashion designers are looking to athletic brands for inspiration, Rubin said. Specifically: Zippers, mesh inserts or cut outs, neoprene material and rashguard influences.
VERSATILE COVER-UPS:
Traditional cover-ups are making way for multiuse garments, like jersey dresses that can go from “pool to barbecue or pool to picnic or out at night,” Rubin said. Other options: Shirt dresses or oversized men’s button down shirts, caftans and tunics that hit mid-thigh or at the knee.
OPPOSITE PAGE: Models wear Barraca Chic swimwear (far left) and Agua swimwear (top). A two-piece suit with a fringed top (bottom, Macy’s). THIS PAGE: Barraca Chic swimwear (below and far right). This year’s swimwear trends include bold colors (right, Target), metallic materials and sporty styles. AP photos
The Finances >> RETURN OF THE ONE PIECE:
Sales of one-piece swimsuits have gone up. Data from market research group NPD show one-piece sales increasing 15 percent from the April 2012 to March 2013 period to the April 2013 to March 2014 period. One-piece sales netted $819.6 million during the 2013-2014 range compared with $783.9 million for two-piece swimsuits, which saw a 9 percent loss. “The one-piece has the ability to be able to contour one’s figure in a better way,” said Marshal Cohen, NPD’s chief retail analyst.
MIX AND MATCH:
Women are increasingly buying a basic swim bottom that fits well and pairing it with multiple tops in different lengths and patterns. NPD data show sales of $550.5 million for swimwear tops from April 2013 to March 2014 compared with $368.7 million for bottoms. “Women aren’t concerned as much anymore about having a complete matchy-matchy outfit,” Cohen said. “It’s perfectly OK to buy a $9 top and put it with a $20 bottom.”
OVERALL SALES:
The women’s swimwear market totaled $2.9 billion in sales from April 2013 to March 2014, according to NPD. That’s up slightly from $2.8 billion during the 2012-2013 period. Cover-ups saw a 7 percent increase in sales from the April 2012 to March 2013 period to the April 2013 to March 2014 period. *she
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Stylists stay on top of advice for beautiful hair
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She Magazine // july 2014
By shannon palmer
She magazine wants to know all about hair. The good, the bad and then some. We surveyed various stylists in Columbus on what it takes to have great hair, what you should never do to your hair and also a few extra questions, such as acceptable protocol for tipping.
1 The best things to do for your hair: Taking care of your hair is an important part of one’s self-image, and knowing the best products to keep it well maintained takes time and a little education. Here are some suggestions for great hair care:
Parlor 424/owner Matt Jackson: Not shampooing daily. Cool water rinses. Using healthy and organic hair care products. La Mode 607/owner Lisa Gatesy: Always use a heat protectant when styling with heat and keep your ends trimmed every six weeks. Red Lips Spatique/Jennie Goddard: The best things to do for your hair are avoid over-processing with multiple chemical services, use less heated appliances (dryers,flat irons and curling irons), maintain a regular trimming regimen and use quality shampoos and conditioners. Elan Aveda Concept Salon/Wilma Quick: Use the product that suits the hair texture, style, color treatment or natural condition and lifestyle you currently have. Rona’s Creative Cuts/Rona Moore: When out in the sun keep hair conditioned and strip it with a chlorine shampoo. Michelle’s Renaissance Beauty Salon/Angela Schroer: Give hair a good conditioning treatment once a week and use products with natural ingredients. Find a style that works with your hair. A Better Cut/owner Kim Olmstead: Use professional products recommended for your hair type.
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2 The worst things to do for your hair Almost all stylists agreed that over-processing hair and using hair care products that do not correspond to your needs are no-nos.
Parlor 424: Not valuing your appearance. Apathy goes hand in hand with low self-esteem. Using hot tools on damp hair. La Mode 607: Over-processing with chemical services. Excess use of styling tools. Red Lips Spatique: The worst things to do for your hair: Just because a flat iron has a maximum temperature of 450 degrees, it doesn’t mean that you should use the highest heat setting. Try lower settings first to check if the desired result can be achieved. Multiple chemical services (perms, color, highlights and Brazilian blowouts) can all over-process hair, resulting in breakage.
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She Magazine // july 2014
Elan Aveda Concept Salon: Use products you pick up at the supermarket without regard to your particular circumstances. Comb your hair hard or brush it wet. Overexpose it to sunlight or chlorine. Rona’s Creative Cuts: Color your hair at home or cut your own hair. This most often leads to an emergency visit to the salon. Michelle’s Renaissance: Over-stress on hair with heating tools are the worst. A Better Cut: Using random products that are not suited for your hair.
Just what is it that we don’t understand about a stylist’s gig?
Parlor 424: How patient we are and how much we really are willing to teach you how to recreate your look at home. La Mode 607: Our time is very valuable. 24-hour cancellation notice allows your stylist to book another client. Clients need to realize that your stylist knows what is best for your hair. Red Lips Spatique: Hairdressing is a challenging art form. It requires long hours of creating, talking and standing. Elan Aveda Concept Salon: What it takes to acquire the knowledge necessary to provide excellent styling. Rona’s Creative Cuts: Being a stylist is physically demanding as we are on our feet all day, using our arms, bending over when shampooing, etc. Being on time for appointments is also helpful.
3
Michelle’s Renaissance: We work really long hours, and that running a salon is a business. A Better Cut: It is so much more than just cutting your hair. We get to know our clients, your lifestyle and personality, so we can give you something that totally suits you. We want you to be happy with yourself.
Parlor 424. Photo by Andrew Laker.
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4 Latest trends and the one classic cut that never goes out of style Vidal Sassoon invented the classic bob cut. This style has been reinvented and modernized, and according to our survey, it is one cut that will never go out of style. Stylists have also seen a comeback of short haircuts, and smooth locks will always be popular.
Parlor 424: Smooth texture is the latest trend. The Sassoon bob will always be iconic. La Mode 607: A classic bob and long layered hair. Red Lips Spatique: The latest trends are soft and simple looks. The classic style will always be the bob. It is a versatile style that can be layered and textured for a more modern look. Elan Aveda Concept Salon: Very soft, with a 1970s feel. Classic: the bob. Has worked since the 1920s. Rona’s Creative Cuts: Short styles are popular right now. The classic bob seems to never go out of style. Michelle’s Renaissance: Color is more trendy these days, as well as finding a cut that works for individual personalities. Long, straight hair will never go out of style. A Better Cut: The bob. It can always be tweaked to suit the client and be modernized.
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5 How can we help our stylists give us the cut we want? It’s unanimous. Communication is key. Bring in pictures of the style you want. This seems to help immensely. Consultations are also helpful, to discuss needs, hair issues and to ensure personalities mesh.
PARLOR 424: Go to a great hair designer who will give you the cut you need. Other than that, images are great consultation tools. Give pictures of what you’re interested in and pictures of what you find terrifying. La Mode 607: Consultation is key. Communicating wants and needs to stylist is crucial. Red Lips Spatique: A picture of the style that you would like is my preference. Density and the texture of the hair are also an important part of choosing a hairstyle. Elan Aveda Concept Salon: By using photos and being very, very clear in your requests. The more you know about what you want, the better. Rona’s Creative Cuts: Bring in a picture. Do a consultation before getting hair done. Michelle’s Renaissance: Pictures are best; sometimes communication is different with people. A Better Cut: Bring a picture so we know we are thinking alike.
Lisa Gatesy cuts Andrea Quick’s hair at La Mode 607. Photo by Chet Strange. july 2014 // she magazine
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6 What is the proper protocol for tipping? Research says tipping 15 percent to 20 percent is protocol, just as you would tip a waitress or any other person in the service industry. However, our local salons were all very modest about tipping and seemed to care more about the experience and making sure the client was satisfied than getting a big tip. They also mentioned that referrals are always a great tip as well.
Parlor 424: If your stylist is charging professional prices, great referrals are the best gratuity you can give. What other professionals do you tip? Tips are never expected at Parlor 424. La Mode 607: Tipping is very much appreciated. However, the amount is up to the client. Red Lips Spatique: I think tipping is a client’s personal preference and that there isn’t a certain protocol to follow. Elan Aveda Concept Salon: The only gratuity I ever want to receive would be a sincere appreciation of what I’ve given as a stylist and what we’ve exchanged as human beings. Rona’s Creative Cuts: Tipping is always appreciated but not expected. Michelle’s Renaissance: We are a service industry, so tip accordingly, and referrals are always good. A Better Cut: I feel there isn’t a proper protocol for tipping, but just feel a tip says to us that you really like and appreciate what we do for you. In conclusion: If you are looking for a new style or stylist, communication is key. Go classic with the bob, or keep it long and soft. Use products recommended by your stylist and try not to over-process hair. Recommend your stylist to your friends and co-workers. And lastly, a good tip is always appreciated but not necessary. *she
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She Magazine // july 2014
Matt Jackson at Parlor 424. Photo by Andrew Laker.
compiled By paige langenderfer
Each issue we ask women a different question. This month:
What is your favorite celebrity hairstyle? “I really love Kris Jenner’s hair. I think she is so beautiful!” —Diane Robbins
426 Washington Street, Downtown Columbus Open 7 days a week Hours: Mon-Fri 10-6, Sat 10-5, Sun 12-4 KRIS JENNER
“Jennifer Aniston. It is just so naturally beautiful.” —Shweta Mohite
JENNIFER ANISTON
“Savannah Guthrie. I think I like it because it frames her face, looks professional yet feminine and fairly easy to style.” —Marsha VanNahmen
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812.376.4020 | 3183 N. National Rd. | Columbus www.SkinDeepLaserCenter.com july 2014 // she magazine
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By JENNIFER WILLHITE PHOTOS BY ANDREW LAKER AND CHET STRANGE
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She Magazine // july 2014
Lost and found Rose Ellen Adams changed the course of her life and discovered inner strengths
Rose Ellen Adams’ personal transformation goes much deeper than the surface. “Many see the changes in my outward appearance,” she said. “But many more changes have been within, like confidence and discipline.” The 40-year-old Indianapolis native said her life began changing in 2009 when she was chosen to take part in The Executive Journey Fellowship, a program for professionals who work with youths. The year-long program focused on activities promoting personal and professional renewal. Adams soon found herself keeping journals, composing a personal mission statement and even making a bucket list. “That ended up being a critical turning point in my thinking,” she said. Up to that point, the Columbus resident felt stagnant in all areas of her life. She recalls not having enough stamina to make it through a workday. Nearly a decade into her career, she needed the rejuvenation the fellowship’s reflective activities sparked. “When I look back on that period, I was very anxious and depressed,” Adams said. “I had very low energy and didn’t really feel like I had fresh thoughts.” Three years later, self-awareness gave way to action. In 2012, Adams weighed 290 pounds. It was time to make some difficult choices and serious changes. Every day she would get caught up in cyclical thoughts about her own mortality. Aware that it wasn’t healthy to be overweight, she said depression, fear and near-constant anxiety kept her paralyzed. “I could hardly walk up a flight of steps or down the block,” she said. “It took all my energy I had to walk from my car into a meeting.” One April day, as she struggled to walk alongside her then 8-year-old son, Evan, while he rode his new bike, Adams had a realization. She embraced the fact that everyone dies and gave herself a choice: “Die at home on the couch or die walking outside where you are actually trying to do something about it.” She started walking the 2-mile path around Donner Park near her home every day with Evan, whom she calls her first coach. And each day the pair noticed they were walking faster and faster. Then one day in June, while Evan was visiting his father, Adams decided to go out and walk alone.
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Stepping out on her stoop, she asked herself, “I wonder what would happen if I just started running?” So she ran. After passing a couple of houses, she would walk for a few minutes to catch her breath and run some more. “If someone was looking at me they might have thought I was fast walking,” she said. “But in my heart, it was a run. That’s kind of how it all started, and I never stopped.” Close friend Dawn Doup was waiting at the finish line when Adams completed her first 4-mile run with the Columbus Running Club in the fall of 2012. She said Adams’ transformation over the past couple of years contributes to her “illuminating personality.” Every time she sees her, Doup is reminded that she, too, can accomplish anything she puts her mind to, she said. “She is so intent on spreading her message of ‘You can overcome where you’ve been; you can move forward,’” Doup said. “She really wants to let other people know what she has done and what they can do. It’s a pay-it-forward kind of thing.” For the past several months, Ben Weaver, a personal trainer with Columbus Fit, has worked closely with Adams. Dealing with the emotional part of weight loss and adopting a healthy lifestyle are just as
important as addressing the physical part, he said. Learning to let go of the person you were in the past is key, he said. Weaver encourages Adams to “not rest on the successes she has made” and to close off that chapter. “What I found most admirable about her transformation is there is no magic pill or program out there,” he said. “She was consistent with exercise and eating well every day to make a lifestyle change.” Adams admits the greatest challenge with changing her diet was understanding nutrition and how it works. Describing the process of reading and interpreting labels as “complicated and cumbersome,” Adams said once she got the hang of it, putting the information to use was a matter of trial and error. Now, two years later and 129 pounds lighter, Adams is an athlete. She’s competed in a sprint triathlon, two half-marathons, a marathon and a “handful” of 5Ks. She is training for the 2014 Mill Race Marathon. Adams runs an average of 10 hours per week during the summer. And though her 15-year-old son, Ian, is able to run faster than his mom, she has an advantage: stamina. “He’ll fist bump me and say, ‘You got it, because I can’t do the miles,’” she said.
Rose Ellen Adams at Harrison College. OPPOSITE PAGE, LEFT: Adams with her sons Ian, left, and Evan.
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She Magazine // july 2014
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“Many see the changes in my outward appearance. But many more changes have been within, like confidence and discipline.” —Rose Ellen Adams
Instead of having a movie night at home on the couch, Adams and her two sons go running, play tennis or work out at the gym. Family night is activity night, she said. When she isn’t running, working out, spending time with her boys or working, Adams volunteers independently and with area organizations, including Family School Partners. The former executive director of Childhood Connections, a child care resource and referral service, recently took on another new role, as manager of student services at Harrison College – Columbus. It’s a move that aligns well with her previous work and allows her to focus on the students and making community connections, she said. Adams said she is often asked by others, “What clicked?” And though she freely talks about her transformation, she cautions it isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach, because everyone’s life and circumstances are different. “I think that is something very critical about this type of process,” she said. “It is accepting that this kind of change is trial and error. What works for one person may not work for another.” The main thing to remember is that weight loss and adopting a healthy lifestyle are holistic and multifaceted. It’s about your diet, physical activity, relationships, career and educating yourself, she said. “You just have to surround yourself with people and activities that promote where you want to go,” she said, “and believe you deserve good.” *she
It’s Coming...
Grand Opening August 1st
Under Construction
Cabinets & Countertops Design Studio
Design Specialists Hayley Fischer & Cindy Hudecek
We are bringing the attention to detail that we have put into floorcovering for the last 32 years to the Cabinet and Countertop product division. “It just makes sense to have all these products in one location. It is important that Cabinets, Countertops and Flooring all work together seamlessly and beautifully. Cindy has been designing kitchens and baths for over 20 years and really understands the details of a beautiful set of cabinets. Hayley is new to the business but already has an eye for making your set of cabinets personal and special.” Duane Martin - Owner, Riverside Carpet One Columbus and Seymour
Monday - Friday 9-5:30 Saturday 9-2 evenings by appointment
3450 N. National Road, Columbus • 812-376-9661 1-800-Carpet1 • www.carpetone.com july 2014 // she magazine
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Luann Thomas, right, and her daughter, Bryanna Mellencamp.
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She Magazine // july 2014
Yarn shop encourages community of knitters By Paige Harden Langenderfer photos by andrew laker
When Luann Thomas packs for vacation, her knitting bag is the first thing she packs. Her husband is convinced she plans their vacations based on the yarn shops she can visit. Thomas said her passion for knitting began with a visit to a local yarn store in 2008. “I was not a knitter at the time. In fact, I was just going in to buy a gift for my daughter, but while I was there the store owner asked if I would be interested in joining a knitting class,” she said. “When I started seeing all of the colors and fibers I could knit with, I got really excited. I ended up falling in love with knitting. I even took a part-time job at the yarn store.” Knitting has grown into much more than a hobby for Luann since she first learned the craft. Last August she
opened Shabby Sheep and Ewe yarn shop on 16th Street. “I’ve always dreamed about opening a quilt or craft store,” said Thomas, who learned to sew when she was 8. “When the owner of the local yarn shop announced she was closing, I began thinking about possibly open-
Luann Thomas Occupation: Owner, Shabby Sheep and Ewe Family: Husband, Doug Thomas; children, Bryanna, 32, Ryan, 30, and Elizabeth, 27 Hobbies: Knitting, quilting, spending time with family and friends
ing a store. I wanted to share my love of knitting with our community and teach this craft to others.” With the goal of creating a warm and welcoming environment, Thomas decorated her store with a vintage feel. Hundreds of colorful yarn varieties are displayed in and on antique furniture, and a living room set invites visitors to stay and knit as long as they want. She sells yarn, knitting materials, pattern books and a few pre-made items. Nearly all of the yarn she sells is processed in the United States. “We buy from U.S. sheep and alpaca farms that have their fibers processed at small mills in the U.S.,” Thomas said. “I like knowing that my shop is helping to support other small businesses.” Open Tuesday through Saturday,
july 2014 // she magazine
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Shabby Sheep hosts weekly knitting classes and various charity knitting projects. “The knitting community has really grown over the past several years. We have customers all the way from 7 to 88,” Thomas said. “Knitters are very generous. They are happy to donate their time and talent if there is a need. This winter, for instance, our knitters made hats and donated them to the cancer centers at the hospitals in Columbus and Seymour.” Sandy Togliatti visits Shabby Sheep every Tuesday to work on her projects and catch up with friends. “It’s like a home away from home. It’s nice to have a place to go with people who have the same interests as you,” she said. “Knitting is a good way to connect with people and to keep your mind sharp.” Togliatti, 74, teaches several of the classes at the store. “Many knitters are afraid to make mistakes, but making mistakes helps you learn,” she said. “I think you knit better after you make mistakes.” “Sandy is a wonderful teacher,” Thomas said. “She is my go-to knitter when I have a question.” Togliatti, who has been knitting for 67 years, said she knits up to 10 hours per day. “When you get going on a project you really like, you just want to finish it,” she said. “You never get bored with knitting. There’s always something new to learn.” Ruthanna Kaler, 88, knits at Shabby Sheep on Tuesdays and Fridays. She proudly recalls the first scarf she made when she was 8 years old. “It was green and white, the colors of my elementary school,” she said. “I was so proud of that scarf.” Kaler spends most of her knitting time making gifts for family and friends and for charity projects. “I like knitting at the store and seeing everybody,” she said. “It’s really enjoyable because everybody has their own techniques. We all teach each other.” As her store’s one-year anniversary approaches, Thomas said she is so thankful for the support she has received from the knitting community since opening. “It’s been so rewarding. I have had customers take my hand and thank me for opening my store,” she said. “I have met so many wonderful friends though knitting, and I can see that my store is doing that for others. When you see the impact you have on relationships — that’s more important than money.” *she
july 2014 // she magazine
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By randy lewis
los angeles times (mct)
Miranda Lambert can point to all sorts of things she has now that she didn’t have a decade ago when she launched her career in country music. The singer and songwriter has racked up a string of four hit albums, six No. 1 chart hits, a Grammy Award, 18 Academy of Country Music trophies and seven from the Country Music Association. On the home front, she’s married to a hunky country singer, “The Voice” coach Blake Shelton. She also owns two Pink Pistol merchandise stores, is getting ready to open a bed-and-breakfast in Tishomingo, Okla., where she and Shelton live, and has enthusiastically championed the MuttNation animal shelter near Nashville. But as she talked about the release of her fifth album, “Platinum,” it sounded as though the one thing she’s built up in greater quantity than anything she possessed 10 years ago is gratitude.
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“I’m so happy to be here and to have this spot,” said Lambert, a native Texan. “I know more at 30 years old what it means than I did at 20. I appreciate it more now than I did then. Now I know how much work it is, how much time away from home it takes and how much pressure comes with it.” Lambert may have thrown her Stetson in the ring by way of the long-shot reality-TV singing competition route — she placed third in the 2003 inaugural season of “Nashville Star,” country’s answer to “American Idol” — but she’s clearly interested in the long haul, not the quick rise and fall. “I’m just getting started,” said Lambert. “George Strait’s had a career — well, he’s had a career longer than I’ve been alive. So I’ve got a long way to go.” With “Platinum,” which has produced hits with the lead single “Automatic” and with “Somethin’ Bad,” her
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Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert attend the 55th Annual Grammy Awards. (Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images for NARAS) OPPOSITE PAGE: Lambert performs with Carrie Underwood, left, at the CMT Music Awards. (Photo by Wade Payne/Invision/AP)
“Thelma and Louise”-inspired duet with her country superstar pal Carrie Underwood, Lambert has grown up in many respects. A number of the songs zero in on change, a topic that’s not at the forefront of the party-hearty ethic in so many contemporary country hits, especially those in the bro-country world of Luke Bryan, Jason Aldean, Florida Georgia Line and others. But it’s not simply change, either, that Lambert is singing about, but change that results in personal growth and maturity, qualities that emerge in the pursuit of honest self-evaluation, something that makes her stand out from the 2014 country crowd. “Even just talking to my friends — I was out at the (Kentucky) Derby this weekend, and people were showing baby pictures and dog pictures. They were talking about Obamacare, or whatever,” she said. “It’s not, ‘What concert are you gonna go see?’ anymore, it’s ‘Baby started eating cereal.’ It changes, but it’s fun. It’s a good thing.”
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For Lambert, it’s also all worthy fodder to explore in song. Not every country fan can necessarily relate to that life-at-the-top conundrum, but Lambert brings a humanity to the subject that plays off her public marriage to Shelton, which has made them easy targets for the tabloids during the eight years since they started dating. “The one thing I’ve always done on my records is just be who I am and not skirt around the issues. ... (Now) the issues are just a little more prominent than they’ve ever been because I’m at a new level, I guess.” The headlines she and Shelton have been part of, such as claims that he’s cheating, they’re divorcing or she’s pregnant, “used to be an annoyance, now it’s just literally funny. “It’s so outlandish that nobody believes it anyway. At first it was ‘How can they say that? It’s not the truth.’ But it’s so frequent and it contradicts itself,” she said. “One magazine will say I’m ‘Happy and healthy and better than ever.’ And there’s another one that says, ‘Alone and
pregnant and divorced.’ It took some adjusting. We’re just country singers. What are we doing in the tabloids? “My 20s were spent like ... well, that’s what they’re for: You work hard and play hard. I was never home. I was on the road for 10 straight years. It was great, but I’m figuring out now how to have less chaos. “I’m working on balancing things, making time for life,” she said. “Sometimes you have to force yourself to have a life and not work too much — figuring out what you want to miss and what you don’t want to miss. I missed a lot of weddings and a lot of birthday parties and a lot of births of friends’ kids. “I’d rather have a life and these relationships,” she said, “because when all this is over, I don’t want to be up there like ‘Well, I was really successful, but where are all my friends?’ They’re not here because you weren’t there. That’s important to me too. Part of being good at what you do is having a life too. What are you going to sing about and write about if you don’t live?” *she
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Concerns about the thigh gap need to disappear
ABOVE: A thin model walks the runway. LEFT: Hillary Rodham Clinton. AP photos
By heidi stevens
chicago tribune (mct)
I would love for “thigh gap” to meet a swift and uneventful demise, killed off by actual topics worthy of actual attention. But that’s not happening. A short film called “The Magic Gap,” launched recently as part of nowness.com’s #DefineBeauty series, is the latest entry in a long line of commentary, social media memes and “thinspiration” posts coveting, celebrating, debating the space between a female’s thighs when she stands with her feet together. “So many young girls are reblogging images of models — models like the ones in the video — with captions like, ‘I’m so disgusting, my thighs are so fat they just keep rubbing together and touching,’” Fashionista.
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com’s Tyler McCall told The Daily Mail in response to “The Magic Gap” video. My daughter is 8. She has not yet turned a scornful eye toward her own thighs, but I don’t doubt that day will soon arrive. She already meticulously measures her body against the other girls in her weekly gymnastics class, where leotards are the great equalizer. I’m considering a pre-emptive strike. I hate to introduce a new body obsession, but I hate more the idea of someone else introducing (and legitimizing) it in her impressionable young mind before I get out ahead of it. So I wrote her a note. It’s far from the final word, but it will, hopefully, get us talking.
Hi, sweetie. Hillary Clinton is on the cover of People magazine this week talking about a whole bunch of things: her new memoir, her experience as secretary of state, her possible 2016 presidential run, her marriage, her favorite TV shows. You know what she’s not talking about? Her thighs. Not because she’s never given them any thought. She no doubt has (especially when her detractors sold campaign buttons criticizing them). She’s human and she’s female and it’s next to impossible to be those things in this culture without some nagging body image issues. If you don’t pin them on yourself, someone will pin them on for you. If grown-ups tell you they’re above it,
they’re lying. Rihanna just wore a transparent gown to an awards show and the Internet lost its collective mind. Some people called her a tramp (and worse). Some people called her a feminist icon. We’re obsessed with female bodies. Here’s the thing: You don’t have to be obsessed with yours. You can give it what it needs (healthy food, lots of fun exercise, respect) and you can live in quiet awe of what it allows you to do (cartwheels!) and then you can put it at the very bottom of your list of things to spend your thoughts on. Sometimes that’s hard. Some people will try to convince you that a space between your thighs will make you happy or worthy or desirable or complete. It won’t. A thigh gap won’t make you laugh or make you think or teach you Spanish or
get you into college. It won’t introduce you to your life-long friends or keep you from getting sick or console you on a lousy day or send a delicious chill up your spine. It won’t matter. It will never, ever, matter. People will tell you otherwise. Tune them out. They are small and sad and also, in the grand scheme of your life, won’t matter. I hope you see a female president one of these days. I hope you hear people talk more about her anti-poverty initiatives and her equal rights progress and her ability to combat climate change than about her thighs. And I hope when you do hear the inevitable stuff about her body — or your body — you take it for what it is: an invitation to move on to something — and someone — that matters. Love, Mom *she
“We’re obsessed with female bodies. Here’s the thing: You don’t have to be obsessed with yours.”
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— Fourth in a Series — By Paige Harden Langenderfer
Columbus’ history is peppered with legendary women. They have titles including movie star, actor, television producer, sculptor, chef, magazine publisher, newspaper executive and diplomat. Others lived modest lives, but all played a vital role in making Columbus the vibrant and thriving community it is today. They dealt with social and racial injustice, fought for equal rights and for their voices to be heard. Some even lost their lives in the pursuit of benefiting others. These Columbus pioneers paved the road, creating a much smoother path for the women of today and the future. To pay tribute to the accomplishments and sacrifices of these women, She magazine is featuring profiles of historic women of Columbus. Here is the fourth chapter in the series, “Women Who Dared.”
M
illie Reeves devoted much of her adult life enthusiastically supporting Columbus and community organizations. Margaret Anderson spent most of her adult life trying to forget Columbus. While Reeves
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and Anderson held vastly different views about Columbus, both left marks on the community they called home. Although she was born in Indianapolis, Anderson spent most of her childhood in Columbus. Her father, Jes-
sie Anderson, was an executive with the Interurban Rail Line, a company owned by Columbus financier W.G. Irwin. After graduating from Western College in Oxford, Ohio, Anderson made quick work of getting out of Columbus.
Millie Reeves
In her autobiography, “My Thirty Years War,” she spoke about her need to escape. “I was just out of college, and my hopeful family waited for me to finish my education and come home to the higher joys of country clubs and bridge. Not that I didn’t like country clubs. But I really couldn’t see this as my life, which was to be beautiful as no life had ever been,” she said. “Every day I locked myself in my room, planning how to escape mediocrity. Escape and conquer the world.” When Anderson was 21, she sent a letter to Good Housekeeping writer Clara Laughlin asking how “a perfectly nice but revolting girl could leave home.” Laughlin wrote her back and invited her to visit her in Chicago. After her visit, Laughlin wrote a letter to Anderson’s family saying that she would take her under her wing and would arrange for her to do interviews with stage celebrities. When Anderson moved from Columbus to Chicago in 1912, there were no stage celebrities in town, so Laughlin gave Anderson her first book review assignment. That book review launched her literary career, which led her to connections with literary giants, including Ezra Pound, Ernest
Margaret Anderson
Hemingway, Sherwood Anderson and Gertrude Stein. Anderson is most well-known for publishing excerpts of James Joyce’s novel “Ulysses,” which at the time was regarded as so scandalous that all copies were immediately seized and burned. She was taken to federal court, charged with publishing obscenity and fined $100 for serializing the book. In 1998, “Ulysses,” was declared one of the most outstanding novels of the 20th century by Modern Library. Anderson launched Little Review magazine in Chicago in 1914. She moved to Paris 15 years later. She died in 1973. Mildred “Millie” Reeves led a much more reserved life. In 1933, she married Carl M. Reeves, an executive at Reeves Pulley Co., which began her life of philanthropy. The couple never had children, so Millie Reeves devoted her time to improving the community she called home. Her causes included music education, a youth strings program through the Columbus Indiana Philharmonic, the Mill Race Park renovation project, Girl Scouts, Foundation for Youth, Columbus Youth Camp and Heritage Fund
of Bartholomew County. In 1997, upon the death of her husband, Reeves founded the Carl Marshall and Mildred Almen Reeves Foundation. She had two requirements for the endowment: 50 percent of grants be used for research to treat macular degeneration of the eye. 50 percent of the grants be used for local organized charities in the Columbus area. As of today, the Reeves Foundation has given grants totaling more than $650,000. Reeves was named The Republic’s Woman of the Year in 1998 for her enthusiastic dedication to philanthropy in Columbus. She told a Republic reporter that she didn’t like the label of philanthropist. “I just do what I can to help people.” Reeves died in 1999 at the age of 96. In an article after her death, Columbus industrialist J. Irwin Miller told The Republic that Columbus was a better place because of her influence. “I think her impact has been much greater than anyone fully realizes because she did her giving quietly,” Miller said. *she
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Parents’ dilemma: To share or not to share kids’ photos on social media
By katie humphrey
star tribune (minneapolis) (mct)
F
itzgerald Swanson is barely 6 months old, yet he has his own private Twitter and Instagram accounts. Even before he was born, he was the main topic of conversation in a Facebook group dedicated to him. Parents who came of age with Facebook, sharing their own lives online, are now sharing the lives of their children. But just how much to share and on which platform is a sticky issue. Parents face thorny questions about everything from privacy and safety to oversharing and future embarrassment. It’s just one more decision that sleepdeprived, stressed-out parents have to make. Mommy blogs put it all out there. Some parents post pictures but never their children’s names. Others try to keep their kids’ digital footprints relatively clean — no small feat amid social pressure to share. “It’s hard to know what to do,” said Fitz’s mom, Stacy Schwartz. She and her husband talked about the best way to share pictures of their son while preserving some semblance of privacy. The dedicated accounts, restricted
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She Magazine // july 2014
to only approved friends and followers, seemed like a good compromise. It also prevents them from bombarding all their friends and followers with baby pics through their own social media accounts. But at a time when technology changes so fast and no one knows what the future will bring, she admitted, as many a parent has over the years: “We’re just kind of winging it.” The same concerns many adults have over online privacy apply to their kids: Who can see photos? What personal information are companies tracking? How will a digital footprint affect future job prospects? When Amy Webb wrote a column for Slate in September advocating that parents share nothing about their kids online, it sparked a firestorm of commentary. Parents debated privacy in an era where online profiles enable targeted marketing and a future that could include wide use of facial recognition software. “Knowing what we do about how digital content and data are being cataloged, my husband and I made an important choice
before our daughter was born. We decided that we would never post any photos or other personally identifying information about her online,” Webb wrote. The piece resonated with Brian Roberts of Minneapolis. He and his wife posted a picture of their daughter when she was born, but have since refrained from mentioning her by name or posting other photos. “We should be allowing our children to make an educated choice about participating in (social media) at some point when they have more agency and more ability to make choices,” he said. But it’s not always easy. Roberts has asked his sister to take down photos of his daughter that she posted to Facebook. Still, he’s been tempted to post some himself. “Part of the reason people use it is because it’s such an easy channel by which to share,” Roberts said. Sixty percent of millennial moms take or share photos of their kids using mobile devices, according to a report from BabyCenter.com, a pregnancy and parenting website. Those
OPPOSITE PAGE: Bloomington resident Sara Hinkle blogged about her experiences while pregnant. (AP Photo/Darron Cummings) THIS PAGE: Jen Jamar’s blog, “Life with Levi.”
moms are also less likely to fret about sharing online than Gen X moms, the report said. Sara Pearce, owner of Amma Parenting Center in Edina, Minnesota, said some parents’ motivation for sharing goes beyond bragging about their new bundles of joy. “Not only do they post pictures and updates of their own children, but they used Facebook especially as a way to gather other people’s opinions” about parenting, she said. Jen Jamar of Minneapolis, who notes on her blog that “oversharing my life online is kind of my thing,” enjoys that connection with other parents. When her son, Levi, was born, she even tweeted as her labor progressed. “Those two to three minutes between contractions, what else are you going to do?” said Jamar, who has since chronicled their family adventures on her blog Life With Levi. There are pictures of Levi, stories about their adventures, even diaper reviews. “I don’t have a baby book for him. I couldn’t tell you when he took his first step. Wherever I wrote it down, I’ve misplaced it,” she said. “On-
line, we have this nice chronology of all these milestones. I can look back and see all these photos and share those moments.” Jamar said she is careful to keep pictures tasteful and information that could jeopardize safety stays private. For instance, there are no addresses or street signs in her photos. “I hope that by raising my son to be digitally savvy and Internet-conscious, he’ll understand what I was doing and why I shared content about him,” she said. For most parents, social media sharing habits fall somewhere in the middle. Christopher and Mary Lower, both avid social media users working in public relations, knew they would be sharing about their kids online. So they gave them nicknames: Supergirl for their 11-year-old daughter and the Wonder Twins for their 5-year-old twins. “A lot of this information can get tracked easily. There’s a chance of risk to your child,” said Christopher Lower. “We decided we would keep this one line of defense.” Orley Anderson asks her son, Jack, 9, be-
fore posting any pictures of him on Facebook. Sometimes she might think a picture’s cute, but he says no. That’s just fine. “It’s his image,” she said. “They’re growing up in a world of social media. He needs to learn boundaries.” Remembering the Internet’s permanence and considering kids’ future feelings about online posts is key, said Janell Burley Hofmann, a parent coach and author of the book “iRules” about parenting and technology. “Most of it is innocent and loving and we’re excited in the moment,” Hofmann said. “If we take our time and be mindful, we’ll do right by our children.” Sometimes that means resisting the urge to share, even if you’re a proud new grandma like Kirsten Kaufmann of St. Paul. Her son and daughter-in-law are trying to post their son’s baby pictures online in moderation. So Kaufmann asks before posting the occasional picture of her grandson to Facebook for friends and relatives to see. “He’s adorable,” she said. “Why wouldn’t you want to brag?” *she
july 2014 // she magazine
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Ready to move beyond basic vanilla or chocolate this ice cream season? Much as we love those classics, with so many crazy — and crazy delicious — flavor combinations flooding the freezer aisle of the supermarket, it’s hard to resist making some big, boldly flavored frozen concoctions of our own. We started with a bee sting parfait, inspired by the honey, almond and coconut-studded pastry of the same name. For a cool and so-very-adult frappe, we combine strawberry ice cream with elderflower liqueur. And to cool off a crowd, we layer on the flavor with a salted caramel malted mocha ice cream cake.
By alison ladman Associated Press
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july 2014 // she magazine
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Start to finish: 20 minutes
Start to finish: 5 minutes
Bee Sting Parfait
Strawberry Elderflower Frappe
2 tablespoons slivered almonds 2 tablespoons grated coconut, large flakes if available 2 tablespoons honey 1 banana, diced 1 pint vanilla ice cream
Servings: 2
Servings: 2
Heat the oven to 350 F. Spread the almonds and coconut on a rimmed baking sheet and bake for 8 to 10 minutes, or until lightly golden brown. Place in the freezer to chill for 5 minutes. To assemble the parfaits, add a teaspoon of coconut and almonds to the bottom of each parfait glass. Top with a tablespoon of banana and a drizzle of honey. Add a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Continue layering in this order until you’ve used all the ingredients and filled the glass. Serve immediately. Nutrition information per serving: 460 calories; 200 calories from fat (43 percent of total calories); 22 g fat (12 g saturated; 0 g trans fats); 60 mg cholesterol; 65 g carbohydrate; 4 g fiber; 53 g sugar; 7 g protein; 110 mg sodium.
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The elderflower liqueur makes this a grown-up frappe. For a kid-friendly version, substitute an equal amount of juice or milk. 1 cup sliced fresh strawberries 1 cup strawberry ice cream 2 ounces elderflower liqueur Zest of half an orange In a blender, combine all ingredients. Puree until very smooth. Serve immediately. Nutrition information per serving: 260 calories; 50 calories from fat (19 percent of total calories); 6 g fat (3.5 g saturated; 0 g trans fats); 20 mg cholesterol; 36 g carbohydrate; 2 g fiber; 27 g sugar; 3 g protein; 45 mg sodium.
Salted Caramel Malted Mocha Ice Cream Cake Servings: 8 2¼ cups all-purpose flour 1½ cups packed brown sugar ½ cup cocoa powder 1½ teaspoons baking soda ¾ teaspoon kosher salt 1 tablespoon instant coffee ½ cup Ovaltine Classic Malt mix 1½ cups water 1 tablespoon cider or white vinegar ½ cup vegetable or canola oil 1 pint coffee ice cream ½ cup caramel sauce Coarse or flake sea salt Fresh berries
Start to finish: 2 hours (30 minutes active)
Heat the oven to 350 F. Coat a rimmed baking sheet with cooking spray and line it with kitchen parchment. In a medium bowl, sift together the flour, brown sugar, cocoa powder, baking soda and salt. In a liquid measuring cup, whisk together the instant coffee, malt powder, water and vinegar. Add the oil, then add the liquid ingredients to the dry ingredients. Whisk until smooth. Pour into the prepared pan and bake for 20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted at the center comes out clean. Allow to cool completely. When ready to assemble the cake, microwave the ice cream in 10-second increments until just slightly softened. Flip the cake out of the pan onto a cutting board. Remove the parchment and trim the edges off to make a neat rectangle. Cut the cake in half down the center (the short way), then cut each half in half again to create 4 even rectangles. Place 1 piece of cake on a serving platter, then spread a third of the coffee ice cream over it. Top with a second piece of cake, then spread another third of ice cream over that. Repeat one more time, finishing with the last piece of cake. Place the assembled cake in the freezer to firm up for 20 minutes. The cake also can be tightly wrapped in plastic and frozen overnight. If so, let stand at room temperature for 10 minutes before slicing. To serve, slice cake into squares, then drizzle each serving with caramel sauce. Sprinkle with a few grains of sea salt and serve with fresh berries. Nutrition information per serving: 590 calories; 170 calories from fat (29 percent of total calories); 19 g fat (4 g saturated; 0 g trans fats); 15 mg cholesterol; 102 g carbohydrate; 3 g fiber; 66 g sugar; 8 g protein; 540 mg sodium.
july 2014 // she magazine
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Do you get my point? By ian mcgriff
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She Magazine // july 2014
here is a communication gap between men and women. I’ve fallen prey to my lack of understanding of what a woman really wants when she speaks. You can’t just hear a woman speak; you have to listen. That’s hard to do. Not only do we need to hear what is said, we also need to interpret it … correctly. I believe that I have cracked the female code and have some helpful insight for both sexes. I could also be setting myself up to be burned in effigy … (gulp). Fellas, when you are asked to do something by the opposite sex follow these guidelines. Let’s take changing a light bulb, for example. You’re asked, “Excuse me, could you change the light bulb?” If you’re busy, you acknowledge that the bulb needs to be changed, and when you are done with your current task, you change the light bulb. Done, problem solved, right? WRONG! Sorry fellas, that didn’t work. Yes, you changed the light bulb. However, you didn’t go about it the right way. Here is what you do next time: Get up and say, “You are right; thank you for pointing that out to me; I’ll change that right away.” Go to the closet, grab a light bulb and a step stool. Why a step stool? This shows that you are concerned about your well-being and therefore the well-being of your loved one. It shows you take only calculated risks. Then, you ask her to hold the step stool. This way you are engaging her in the process, asking for help (This debunks the myth that men never ask for help. You are evolved.) and, again, showing concern for your safety. You replace the bulb, thank her for her help and ask her if she would like to check that the bulb works correctly. If it does, you thank her for pointing out the need for a new bulb, thank her for her help and ask if there is anything else that needs to be done before you continue with your previous task.
Seem like a bit much? I used to agree with you. I would change the bulb, and I’ll probably stand on the couch to do it. However, that’s not how it works. Whether women acknowledge it or not, they keep track of points in their heads. For every individual action you took changing that bulb, you receive a point. Step stool, 1 point. Asking for help, 1 point. Thanking her, 1 point. Asking for more to do, 1 point. If you change the light bulb and she doesn’t see all that, do you know how many points you get? Just 1. Meanwhile, she’s racking up points in her head for herself. One point for asking you to help. Ten points for how much she loves you. Twenty points for even being in a relationship with you. Her points add up faster than yours do, even with adding all those steps. You’ll never really be close to her in points. If she’s at 10,000, you’re at 700. The objective is to continue to gain points. This way you continue to show you care. Ok, so this isn’t really how it works. There are not points, and there really isn’t a code to crack. So, what’s the real purpose behind this elaborate explanation? Fellas, we need to show more effort. It isn’t that the effort we give is not enough. It’s how you present your effort that makes a huge difference. Think of it like the old “tree in the woods” philosophical question. If a man folds a basket of laundry and no one is around to see it, did it happen? Make the steps more obvious. It shows effort, and that creates appreciation and understanding that you acknowledge your need and role in the relationship. Ladies, what does this mean for you? Be as clear as you can about what you want us to do. “It’s up to you” is a recipe for disaster. I promise. If you want something, tell us. We’re often very happy to oblige. We get more points that way … just kidding. We become closer that way.
Ian McGriff is a former fitness coach. He and his wife, Megan, and daughter, Grace, live in Columbus.
july 2014 // she magazine
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just a minute Landscape logic
Foliage that stays wet for long periods is susceptible to fungus invasion; this includes landscape plants, garden vegetables and even your lawn. Water early in the day to give evaporation a chance to dry things out, not at night unless that’s the only opportunity. When possible, soak the ground and avoid wetting foliage unless it just needs a good rinse. —Extension educator Kris Medic
Recommended reading “The Girls of Atomic City: The Untold Story of the Women Who Helped Win World War II” by Denise Kiernan
The incredible story of the young women of Oak Ridge, Tennessee, who unwittingly played a crucial role in one of the most significant moments in U.S. history. At the height of World War II, Oak Ridge was home to 75,000 residents, consuming more electricity than New York City. But to most of the world, the town did not exist. Thousands of civilians — many of them young women from small towns across the South — were recruited to this secret city, enticed by solid wages and the promise of war-ending work. Kept very much in the dark, few would ever guess the true nature of the tasks they performed each day in the hulking factories in the middle of the Appalachian Mountains. That is, until the end of the war — when Oak Ridge’s secret was revealed. Drawing on the voices of the women who lived it — women who are now in their 80s and 90s — “The Girls of Atomic City” rescues a remarkable, forgotten chapter of American history from obscurity. Denise Kiernan captures the spirit of the times through these women: their pluck, their desire to contribute and their enduring courage. Combining the grandscale human drama of “The Worst Hard Time” with the intimate biography and often troubling science of “The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks,” “The Girls of Atomic City” is a lasting and important addition to our country’s history. —Viewpoint Books
48
She Magazine // july 2014
Out and about
It’s time to party! Head downtown on July 26 for the Biggest Block Party Ever. Festivities get underway at 5:30 p.m. and go to midnight, centered on the intersection of Fourth and Washington streets. Admission is $8 (12 and younger free). Bands will play on three stages, special food will be available from downtown restaurants, along with beer and wine. There’s even a kids fun zone. And it’s all for a good cause, as all proceeds benefit the Columbus Area Arts Council. Information: 812-376-2534.
Beauty tips
To keep your thighs from chafing when you wear a dress or a skirt, simply apply an antiperspirant to the inside of your thighs. You can use roll-ons or sprays. The antiperspirant keeps your thighs from sweating so chafing won’t happen. Keep the antiperspirant in your purse for really long days in the sun. You may need to reapply as the day wears on and the product wears off. —beauty.about.com
SUMMER
A time to enjoy the view
5240 N. U.S. 31, Columbus, IN | 812.372.8834 | www.kennyglass.com
CANCER DOESN’T
DEFINE
YOU. And it doesn’t control you either. Before beginning treatment, take a second and consider getting a second opinion. An accurate diagnosis is critical and you need to make sure you’re getting the latest, and most advanced, cancer treatment – from research trials to innovative surgery. Even when you’re told you have no other options.
Call the Second Opinion Clinic at (317) 528-1420 to schedule a review of your cancer treatment options.
FranciscanStFrancis.org/cancer Inspiring Health