selfish. issue 4

Page 1

THE ISSUE ABOUT DREAMS 4*13


Š Unless otherwise noted, the copyright for all parts (photographs, texts and illustrations) as well as for the whole design is reserved by myself.

DREAM noun

succession of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations that occur involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep an ambition



In dreams


What a beautiful feeling it is to fall and to be free of everything that’s dragging me down Wanting to feel nothing at all waiting for my sorrow to drown Leaving the world behind sinking into the deepest ocean of feelings that stay undefined to finally surface in slow motion Whenever I feel like dreaming reality is catching up on me I feel this strong urge of leaving behind all the thoughts that won’t let me be




facts dreams


1.

Every human dreams, even if they can’t remember their dreams when they wake up

2.

Human beings spend roughly around 6 years of their lifetime dreaming

3.

Sometimes we dream outside of our REM sleep (Rapid Eye Movement)

4.

We roughly spend around 1/3 of our lives sleeping

5.

People who suffer from a personality disorder lack dream activity

6.

Our brains tend to be way more active when we sleep, than when we’re awake

7.

Humans tend to have around 3 to 7 dreams a night. We dream around 2 to 3 hours in a whole night

8.

90% of the dream is lost the first minute we wake up

9.

Men tend to dream about men more than women, and women dream about people of both genders

10. It’s impossible to dream when you’re snoring 11. Babies don’t dream of themselves until they reach the age of 3 12. More women than men experience deja-vu in their dreams (eg. you have been in the dream before) 13. Nightmares happen more to kids than adults 14. Blind people dream. Their dreams are auditory if they were born blind. If they became blind at an early age, they still dream of what they remember 15. Dogs sleep around 10 to 13 hours a day 16. Your body burns more calories sleeping than it does in the day time 17. Information that we learn before we go to bed tends to stick with us longer than information any other time 18. Cats sleep 10 to 15 hours a day 19. If you avoid your sleep for more than 10 days, you will die 20. A giraffe sleeps for only 2 hours a day 21. Most dreams are based on visual images. Occasionally, dreams will include sound and touch 22. The normal rules of logic do not apply in dreams. For example, the dream may be taking place in one location – then, abruptly, the dreamer is translocated to a completely different place 23. Most dreams occur in a house – but this is usually not your own home. The most frequently reported room is the living room 24. The most frequent scenario is the dreamer plus two other people

25. Famous people seldom appear in our dreams. The vast majority of people dream about people who are significant to them 26. Mundane activities (such as brushing your teeth) rarely appear in dreams 27. Dreams tend not to be happy events, and the three most common reported emotions are anger, sadness and fear 28. Some themes are so common that they are reported the world over: the loss of a tooth, falling or flying, exhibition, arriving late for exams or other important events, and being chased or attacked 29. The record for the longest period without sleep is 18 days, 21 hours, 40 minutes. The record holder reported hallucinations, paranoia, blurred vision, slurred speech and memory lapses 30. Women are more likely to dream about their children, family or household activities; men are more likely to dream about strangers, violence, sexual activity, achievement, and outdoor events 31. Anything less than five minutes to fall asleep at night means you’re sleep deprived. The ideal is between 10 and 15 minutes 32. REM sleep occurs in bursts totalling about 2 hours a night, usually beginning about 90 minutes after falling asleep 33. Seventeen hours of sustained wakefulness leads to a decrease in performance equivalent to a blood alcohol-level of 0.05% 34. Some studies suggest women need up to an hour’s extra sleep a night compared to men, and not getting it may be one reason women are much more susceptible to depression than men 35. Most of us dream every 90 minutes, and the longest dreams (30-45 minutes) occur in the morning 36. We only dream of what we know. We have all seen hundreds of thousands of faces through our lives, so we have an endless supply of characters for our brain to utilize during our dreams 37. Not everyone dreams in color 38. A full 12% of sighted people dream exclusively in black and white 39. External stimuli invade our dreams: a sound from reality is heard in our dream and incorporated in some way 40. You are paralyzed while you sleep. Most likely to prevent your body from acting out aspects of your dreams www.neurolove.me


dream team

Despite couples have to contend with duvet-hogging, snoring, nocturnal emailing and disagreements over room temperature a series of pieces of research suggest that people who share a bed, reap a long list of psychological and health benefits. (But once you’ve thought about how a person sleeps, how they’d feel pressed up against your back, or your head on their chest, how compatible your bodies would be in the same space of a bed – once you’ve thought about that, you’re fucked!)


C & O 2 years no bizarre sleeping habits (yet!)


M & G 12 years moves a lot, loves to read under the blanket

snores (only when sick)


E & L+M (cats) 6 years quiet sleeper (so far, the cats haven’t complained)

love to sleep on the pillow


M & R (cat) 6 years snores requires a lot of space


tosses and turns

M & T 2 years tends to fall asleep on the couch, snores


S & T 7 years talks and screams in her sleep

snores


F & A & M (dog) 4 years heavy sleeper (luckily!) snores, turns, gnashing of teeth


snores

S & J 8 years smacks, chews, sleepwalks (to the fridge?), talks


E & F 16 years talks in her sleep snores


I & R 17 years can’t sleep with the window closed speaks romanian and smiles while sleeping


J & M 38 years snores, gets up frequently snores after alcohol consumption




25 dream

symbols


Animals often represent the part of your psyche that feels connected to nature and survival. Being chased by a predator suggests you’re holding back repressed emotions like fear or aggression. Babies can symbolize a literal desire to produce offspring, or your own vulnerability or need to feel loved. They can also signify a new start. Being chased is one of the most common dream symbols in all cultures. It means you are feeling threatened, so reflect on who is chasing you (they may also be symbolic). Clothes make a statement about how we want other people to perceive us. If you dream symbol is shabby clothing, you may feel unattractive or worn out. Changing what you wear may reflect a lifestyle change. Crosses are interpreted subjectively depending on your religious beliefs. Some see it as symbolizing balance, death, or an end to a particular phase of life. Exams can signify self-evaluation, with the content of the exam reflecting the part of your personality or life under inspection.

Being trapped (physically) is a common nightmare theme, reflecting your real life inability to escape or make the right choice Houses can host many common dream symbols, but the building as a whole represents your inner psyche. Each room or floor can symbolize different emotions, memories and interpretations of meaningful events. Killing in your dreams does not make you a closet murderer; it represents your desire to “kill” part of your own personality. It can also symbolize hostility towards a particular person and the desire to see them suffer. Money can symbolize self worth. If you dream of exchanging money, it may show that you’re anticipating some changes in your life. Mountains are obstacles, so to dream of successfully climbing a mountain can reveal a true feeling of achievement. Viewing a landscape from atop a mountain can symbolize a life under review.

Death of a friend or loved one represents change (endings and new beginnings) and is not a paranormal prediction of any kind.

Nudity is one of the most common dream symbols, revealing your true self to others. You may feel vulnerable and exposed to others. Showing off your nudity may suggest sexual urges or a desire for recognition.

Falling is a common dream symbol that relates to our anxieties about letting go, losing control over a situation, or somehow failing after a success.

People (other dream characters) are reflections of your own psyche, and may demonstrate specific aspects of your own personality.

Faulty machinery in dreams is often caused by your language centers being shut down while asleep, making it difficult to dial a phone, read the time, or search the internet.

Roads aside from being literal manifestations, convey your direction in life. This may be time to question your current “life path”.

Food is said to symbolize knowledge, because it nourishes the body just as information nourishes the brain. Food for thought?

Schools are common dream symbols in children and teenagers but what about dreaming of school in adulthood? It may display a need to know and understand yourself, fueled by life’s own lessons.

Hair has significant ties with sexuality, according to Freud. Abundant hair may symbolize virility, while cutting hair off in a dream shows a loss of libido. Hair loss may also express a literal fear of going bald or becoming unattractive.

Sex dreams can symbolize intimacy and a literal desire for sex. Or they may demonstrate the unification of unconscious emotions with conscious recognition, showing a new awareness and personal growth.

Hands are always present in dreams but when they are tied up it may represent feelings of futility. Washing your hands may express guilt. Missing a flight or any other kind of transport shows your frustration over possibly missing out on important opportunities in life. It’s most common when you’re struggling to make a big decision.

Teeth are common dream symbols. Dreaming of losing your teeth may show a hidden fear of getting old and being unattractive to the opposite sex. Water comes in many forms and can symbolize the subconscious mind. Calm pools of water reflect inner peace while a choppy ocean can suggest unease. www.world-of-lucid-dreaming.com


I

saw you

dreams nadia











circus life fanny






5

Get to know the artist

5 10

1.

First thing you wash in the shower? My face

5.

How are you feeling RIGHT now? Good, I just woke up

73.

What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? Fear; Enthusiasm about little things in life

87.

Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? Pharrell Williams

88.

To you, what is the meaning of life? The concept of meaning is probably irrelevant to nature. I would suggest making sense of living by contributing to the good deeds of humanity.




night terrors

(inspired by Franz Kafka’s short story ‘A Dream’)

deirdre ann


Five years had passed since K. had gone to the graveyard. He had carried all his dreams with him, holding on tightly, while slowly sinking into regressing ground. Watching the artist leaning over him; standing on tiptoes to reach the top end of the stone with his lame pencil, conscientiously spelling out K.’s name. K. thought about taking back what was his. But he was scared of sleep. He lay awake thinking about his silent days, and his restless nights. It was time to retrieve his dreams. K. closed his eyes. Rain was pouring heavily out of the darkness. He fought his way along the winding paths, back to the place he had blocked out of his mind so successfully. His name in gold letters was glowing as clear as it had five years since. Slowly, K. slid his right arm into the hole, holding on to the stone tightly with the other hand. He couldn’t feel anything. He bent over a little more, reached in a little further. Still nothing. K. took a deep breath, trembling; he bent forward, peeking into the hole. All of his dreams had disappeared, except one. K. pounced forward, both arms stretched out in front of him, head first, into the void, all of a sudden, his night terrors were gone.


5

Get to know the author

5 10

40.

Whom do you admire and why? I admire the American writer Dorothy Parker for overcoming personal and professional challenges in early twentieth century New York, managing to rise to acclaim by publishing fiction in Vanity Fair and The New Yorker and of course for her wit, for example her response to an editor pressuring her for overdue work: “Too fucking busy, and vice versa.” I love reading her short story ‘A Telephone Call’, which is about a women sitting by the phone hoping for a man to call. She goes through all the different stages of denial, anger and bargaining. It’s a story that’s easy to identify with, as are most of her stories. Count yourself lucky if you have no clue what she is talking about…

65.

Do you have any strange phobias? It’s probably not a particularly strange phobia, but clowns scare me. Actually, I avoid any person hiding behind the anonymity of a mask and I don’t care if it’s in a dark alley at night or at a costume party.

72.

Do you believe in karma? I believe people will generally respond to you more positively if you are a happy, friendly person. But I don’t think that every action necessarily has an inevitable effect, some bad deeds remain unpunished and some good deeds are forever ignored. I blame Karma’s evil cousin Irony.

77.

Do you have a collection of anything? I have a lot of books and magazines.

101. Ever had a rumour spread about you? Not that I know of…



29 Songs dreams


1.

Edward Sharpe

17. Supertramp

40 day dream

Dreamer

2.

Alex Murdoch

18. Mamas and the Papas

Dream About Flying

3.

Bob Dylan

19. Billy Joel

I Dreamed I Saw St. Augustine

4.

Brandy Carlile

20. The monkees

California Dreaming River of Dreams

Dreams

Daydream Believer

5. Elbow

21. Frank Sinatra

Flying Dream 143

Dream

6.

Emmylou Harris

22. Tina Turner

I Will Dream

7.

Iron & Wine

23. Tracy Chapman

Fever Dream

8.

Otis Redding

24. Simple minds

I’ve Got Dreams to Remember

In your Wildest Dreams Dreaming on in a World New Gold Dream

9. Fleetwood Mac

25. Iron Maidon

Dreams

10. Crowded House

26. K.D. Lang

Don’t dream it’s over

Dream of Mirrors

In Perfect Dreams

11. The Cranberries

27. Nazareth

Dreams

12. Depeche Mode

28. The Smiths

Last Night I Dreamt That

13. Radiohead

Somebody Loved Me

29. Richard Sanderson

Dreaming of Me Nice Dream

14. Eurythmics

Sweet Dreams

15. David Bowie

Moonage Daydream

16. Everly Brothers

All I have to do is Dream

Dream on

Dreams are my Reality

n to e t s i L plete m o the c list on play cks 8tra



kills

more

DOUBT than

DREAMS failure

ever will

d a o l n Dow e her


hypochondriac’s

notes

shrink A serialized novel the simps


Okay, so I assume this starts with me introducing myself? Well, here goes nothing… Hi doc, meet me! I guess I have to warn you straight away. I’m pretty ordinary. Wait, this is already the second chapter of these notes, so you probably won’t buy ordinary anymore. Scratch ordinary and think … slightly above average. Yes, I’m rather slightly above average. Which when you think about it is even way worse than being ordinary because usually ordinary people don’t realize they’re ordinary and once they realize they’re ordinary they would already have evolved into something else. Like being slightly above average. Just like me. The problem is that contrary to really ordinary people I’m full aware of my dull fate. I mean what’s the one thing worse than being ordinary? Right! Feeling slightly above average. One is fully aware of those exciting things one isn’t, didn’t do, achieve or accomplish and probably never will but there isn’t a thing one can do about it whereas ordinary people are blissfully ignorant of their general lack of the little something that might make them special.

I’m rather slightly above average. Which when you think about it is even way

to sleep with you after his shift ends without spending the night in his bar drinking. Alone. Ok, maybe we can come back to the alcohol theory some time after all. Now, you surely wonder why I sat down and wrote all this down. I did so because of the following almost liberating thought: What if it’s me? What if there’s something wrong with me? Wrong as in mentally disturbed wrong. Wrong as in sick. It makes total sense. Me having a good life plus me not feeling ok at all equals a serious depression. I can’t believe I haven’t thought about this earlier. But first, let’s get back to the business at hand aka therapy by correspondence and the general assessment of my situation. I suppose this starts with me telling you all the stuff that’s wrong with me? Enumerating symptoms? That would actually make sense. So, let’s do that. What’s there other than the naked floor thing? Ah yeah, there’s sleeplessness. At least I was wide-awake last night. Well the part I spent in my own bed anyway. Although, maybe I have to be chronological about this? When I finally got back to my apartment – turned out I had left my car at the club because I didn’t want to give him the time to think about what we were doing and reconsider or maybe I didn’t want to give me the time to reconsider – I was so tired, I fell asleep while brushing my teeth. Once in bed, I did my “nightdreaming” routine to comfort me. After all it had been a difficult night to say the least.

worse than being ordinary because usually ordinary people don’t realize they’re ordinary And not only am I not special in this very instant, I have no idea how I could possibly turn my life around in order to figure out what I want out of it and how I could make it special some day. Also, there is the panic attack on the bathroom floor episode from last night that we already discussed. I’m not sure we discussed the tequila though. What sane person in their right mind would get drunk on a regular Tuesday night anyway? Oh, wait. Sane person, right mind. Got it, not me. But before you analyze the possibility of me being an alcoholic, please know that there aren’t a lot of ways to get the manager of a night club

Let’s slow down. I realize that this written exposé of my emotional still life doesn’t quite give you the opportunity to ask questions and for instance the concept of nightdreaming may be new to you. I will therefore give my best to explain and eliminate all possible sources of ambiguity for you. Nightdreaming is my very own version of daydreaming only it happens at night. Hence the term. It usually calms me down and helps me sleep. There are different scenarios that I play out in my head but they all revolve around me either meeting and falling in love with a real life version of Prince Charming, becoming filthily rich or – and that’s my favorite – both.


However when I’m in real life love complications, I prefer the simplicity of the wealth scenario. Before you judge me for being overly materialistic, please know that there is something surprisingly soothing in fantasizing about being able to buy ridiculously expensive things and to travel the world jet set-style leaving everything behind.

reason why I love being alone in the elevator is because I can rejoice the last few seconds of peace and quiet before the doors open and the crazy is unleashed.

What I hate most about a regular Wednesday morning is when I have to leave my apartment

Where was I again? Ah, yes. Nightdreaming about a way that’ll make me incredibly rich usually involves a wealthy stockbroker that is about to commit suicide because he suffers from a terminal illness but is saved – temporarily – by our outstandingly rich conversation and my unbelievably convincing praise of life in general. Usually, the incredibly rich stockbroker doesn’t commit suicide and lives to experience the best 6 months of his life or so and, before he finally succumbed to the affliction he wanted to kill himself in the first place for, installs me as his only heiress. Only last night it didn’t work. Last night, I would have let the guy jump from the bridge, because I didn’t feel like saving another person. Or worse a fictional character that I made up. I can let him die and revive him later anyway. My ability to nightdream was seriously compromised. I hate it when that happens. Next, my alarm went of. I hate it when that happens too. Specifically, if said alarm goes off before I could even fall asleep. But what I hate most about a regular Wednesday morning is when I have to leave my apartment without coffee or breakfast because I can’t quite decide whether I’m still drunk or already hung over. What I love however is when I’m alone in the elevator on the way up to my office floor. It gives me enough time to thoroughly look at myself in the mirror in order to evaluate if it is going to be a good day or a bad day, depending on wether I look good or bad. Apartment mirror tends to agree way to easily with my fashion experiments and is very forgiving when it comes to my figure and curves. His brother elevator mirror not so much. He’s ruthless. Then there’s the lighting… Arrrghhh, the neon lighting. It goes without saying that this morning I didn’t even glance at my own reflection. Me being alone in the elevator also means that I’m late. Now, I would hate that too, if I hadn’t already gotten used to that part. I blame the snooze alarm function and leave it at that. Another

without coffee or breakfast because I can’t quite decide whether I’m still drunk or already hung over Ding. Easy here we go. “Oh Sara, there you are.” As usual, Jessica Silver was the first to stop me on the way to my desk. (By the way, did I tell you my name is Sara? Ha, I’ll just put it on the back of the envelope, so you’ll know.) “Your 8.30 is already waiting.” Jessica continued. “The loan applications did all go through the counsel yesterday. Even Harry Potter’s. There are extra conditions, like you said there’d be. But I think he’ll be fine. Don’t know how you did it though. Ed called in sick. Again. So you have to take extra clients over lunch. Also, you have to call the IT department because the printer is out. Yes, AGAIN. They said they couldn’t send a guy over before 11. I mean 11? What do they think that we do here anyway and…“ She stopped talking mid sentence. Bad sign. Damn, almost made it through the lobby. “Yes?” Jessica Silver is one of three members of our secretarial pool. She is bright, driven, smoking hot for her 47 years of age and a fan. Of me. Why, I don’t know. But, she covers for me. She never books me appointment before 8.30 because she knows I’d be late anyway and that would reflect badly on the bank. (Wait, did I tell you I work for a bank?) She signaled me to come closer and continued in a lower voice. “The grand boss called the big boss about little boss this morning, I think there’s movement. I think…” “Oh Sara, so nice of you to finally show up for work. I hope we don’t inconvenience you too much?” Irony and sarcasm in the same sentence?


Not good. Even Jessica noticed that this was not a good sign and preferred to leave me alone with Henri Schumacher. Currently ill-tempered Henri Schumacher. The big boss as we like to call him very rarely leaves his office to lurk before he gets hungry around lunchtime. He has a routine. This is not it. Which is why running into him in the lobby and having to explain why I just arrived is simply weird.

index finger on the stonewashed oak wood. He was about to share bad news and he was wondering how to break it to me.

“Mister Schumacher, how can I help you this bright and exciting new morning?” I retorted. No need to give into his mood. It wouldn’t work anyway. I doubt he’ll agree to my version of office hours anyway.

“Yes?”

“Just follow me, will ya…?” There are two possibilities. Chances are, he left his office because he wanted to talk to me about his conversation with the grand boss. That would be good. It would also mean that I was following him into my office. However, we could also be heading to his office, which would be less fortunate. He only cites employees to his office to lecture them. But I haven’t been late that often recently, or have I? As we passed what I can only describe as a mop of agitated people opening all kinds of drawers, chambers and notches of a piece of technology that when reassembled should print ink on paper, he turned around pointed at them and said “I fully expect you to fix that.” It was however only when he turned right after the mob and left into my little glass cubicle, that I dared to breathe again. It wasn’t about me. I was still his consigliere, the person he confided in. To really understand the dynamics of our work relationship, you have to know that he and his wife never had any children even though they really tried. Jess told me about the rumors of a number of miscarriages that were going around when she first started out at the bank nearly twenty years ago. You also have to know how much I am in denial about my late father whom I only remember acoustically by his violin recitals. Not that any of that mattered when he sat across from my desk and slowly, softly really, tapped his

When the phone suddenly rang, he seemed relieved. I however was annoyed and planned on not taking the call until I saw Jessica’s quite explicit features through several glass walls motioning me to JUST.PICK.IT.UP!

“It’s Steve from the IT. I’ll pass him through.” Great. Another way not to shine. As if I could to do something about this printer situation now when nobody – me included – had been able to do something about it for the last 2 months. But when Jess wants you to handle things, you handle things. Nobody understands that better than Henri. It’s why he smiled and relaxed back into his chair. “Hi Steve. This is Sara speaking, Steve. How are you, Steve? I’d wait to hear you give me an answer on how you are feeling, Steve. But I can’t, Steve. Actually hear you, I mean. It’s all the noise the 5 plus employees currently trying to fix the printer that makes me not able to hear how you currently are, Steve!” “You don’t have to repeat my name over and over.” He sounded resilient. “Really? Because somehow I have the feeling you are not hearing what I say, so I thought that maybe it had something to do with the fact that you were thinking I was talking to somebody else?” “I know you are talking to me…” Now, he just sounded flat.

It wasn’t about me. I was still his consigliere, the person he confided in. “So, when I told you yesterday, that I was planning of throwing that damn thing out of the window, you knew I wanted you to do something about it, but simply chose to ignore me? Our offices are on the third floor. I could hurt somebody. I could kill somebody. Death by printer. That’s an actual thing, STEVE.”


“No, it isn’t. And as I have explained to you, you can’t get a new printer until next term, because of… “… Budget cuts. Yes, I have heard. But let me ask you this, Steve? How much money do you make a year? How much money do you think I make? And how much money do you think all these people out there wrestling your piece of malfunctioning hardware out there make? And now, let’s see how long have we been talking about this? A month? Longer? Every morning you and I have this very same conversation. And we are going to have this conversation every morning until this thing has come to an end I like. So, how much money have you and I and everybody on this fucking floor wasted talking about fucking printers, Steve? And now, please tell what is the actual worth of that space-wasting box of black plastic??” “It isn’t made of plastic and you know that.” He finally sounded resigned. Good. “How much, Steve? Also, do you know what we do in this department, Steve? We sell dreams. People come in here with things they want, things they covet, things they dream about. But they don’t have the money. So, they turn to us. And we make their dreams come true. We give them the money to buy sports cars or selective surgery or small apartments or huge mansions. One tiny and convenient mortgage payment at a time. We put our best proposal in writing and then have them sign their lives over to us for their dreams. But do you know how difficult it is to sell loans to people if you can’t put their dreams on actual paper for them to sign? How much money, do you think that costs the bank every day this is going on? Do I really have to ask Schumacher to talk to the grand boss and find out?” Silence. “What do you want?” “I want individual printers in every office, like we used to.”

“That’s not possible. I can’t buy 17 printers.” “Then I want our old printers back. They worked perfectly” “They only print black and white, they don’t have a scanner function, they aren’t in compliance with the new environmental standards and I’m pretty sure, we sold them already.” “Ok. How many printers are there on your office floor, Steve? 5? 8?” “That’s about right.” “How many dreams a day do you sell?” “Pff, …” Ha. That’s it. Too bad, you always have to either threaten or manipulate people for them to do what you want them to. “I’ll have my guys bring down two of our printers before lunch and I’ll send the master printer back to the manufacturer for maintenance.” “That’s not good enough. I want five printers and I want them in an hour. After all, you’re on the 5th floor, not the some distant desert. And I want the manufacturer to send us a brand new model, one that actually works instead of only pretending to work.” “You’ll have three printers before 9.30 and I’ll call the manufacturer but I don’t make promises. He drives a hard bargain.” “Oh and I don’t? Goodbye Steve!”

Ok, so maybe, today was not gonna be as bad as I thought. Then I looked at Henri. He didn’t smile, he just looked at me and I knew. Today was gonna be the worst day of them all. …to be continued

Follow all of Sara’s notes to her shrink, as selfish. will publish them chapter by chapter as a serialized novel in the next editions.



broken


I dreamt of you last night I couldn’t see you, but you were there I felt the calm wash over me your scent embracing my senses my heart and soul entwined with love I succumbed to your charms and longed for your kisses your touch, your whisper I tried to be softer, prettier, less volatile, less awake but even when sleeping I could feel you travelling away from me in my dreams When morning came nothing felt good my thoughts were big and my heart cried ‘I miss you, I miss you, I miss you’





: : : :

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nadia


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