setapartgirl
LESLIE LUDY’S
MAGAZINE
Gaining a Passionate Prayer Life
reviving your spiritual fervor, p.10
Singleness: a Sacred Opportunity p.32
a call for undiminished femininity a warrior-poet shares his thoughts, p.44
MEET SARAH sister of the common life,
p.70
1 JUL/AUG 2012
letter from leslie ludy
BESTSELLING AUTHOR FOUNDER, setapartgirl
Well, things have been quite exciting in the setapartgirl world! Not only did we host our annual setapartgirl conference and our very first live simulcast, but we also put together this entire magazine issue without Annie, our beloved Creative Director, who carries far more than her share of the weight around here! You see, in May we sent Annie on a very important, though sudden and unexpected, trip to Haiti. This has forced us into a very great dependency upon God to keep things moving forward. The setapartgirl team, as well as some wonderful guest photographers and designers have worked diligently to fill in the gaps that Annie’s absence has created. They have risen up and allowed God to do the impossible through them. And through much hard work, dependence upon God’s grace, and prayer, this July/August magazine issue has come together beautifully! Sometimes I think that God gives us these opportunities to lean fully upon Him in order to remind us that, truly, we can do nothing in our own strength! If you are facing an “impossible” situation in your life, take heart – God’s amazing strength can be made perfect in your weakness if you rely fully and completely on Him. This magazine issue proves it!
Leslie
letter from the setapartgirl team Tessa, Lauren, Amy, & Mandy
As summer gets into full swing, amidst picnic dinners on the lawn, sweet visits from family, and playing outside with the kiddos at Ellerslie, the four of us on-site here in Windsor find ourselves diving into a very exciting and intense season. Over the past few months we have seen the Lord unify our team in an amazing way and strengthen us to take on greater work loads and expanded roles. And now that Annie has followed the Lord’s call in Haiti for this time, we see how His preparation and provision was absolutely perfect for all that we have been asked to step into and take on. While a couple of us have dabbled in the creative side of things in the past, for the most part we have kept to our respective roles in the editorial, photography, and administrative departments of the magazine. But the Lord has now given us the opportunity to be stretched and grown as we delve into the world of design. By the world’s standard, these newfound responsibilities should cause us to be overwhelmed, stressed out, and pleading desperately with the Lord for help. And while we certainly have cast ourselves upon Him afresh each day as we tackle unfamiliar projects, we have fully expected Him to come through for us and provide us with everything we need to do His work well. In looking to Him with eager anticipation for the grace He would give, each of us has been blessed with tremendous peace, sweet joy, and a beautiful calm with each new task. Our God has proven Himself to be a perfectly faithful Father! This entire issue is a testimony of His great grace and abundant provision, and we pray that you will be as blessed reading it as we have been putting it together!
tessa, lauren, amy, & mandy
inthisissue set apart femininity
Explore God’s Sacred Intent for Your Life
10 l Gaining a Passionate Prayer Life 20 l A Time to Treasure: Approaching a God-scripted Engagement
set apart relationships
Honoring God in Love and Romance
32 l The Sacred Opportunity of Singleness 44 l A Call for Undiminished Femininity: a warrior-poet shares his thoughts
set apart walk
Cultivate Your Daily Romance with Christ
set apart style
Showcasing the Radiance of Christ
56 l Joyful Every Morning: Living in the Freedom of Obedience
64 l Arrayed with Beautiful Virtue: The Outflow of a Transformed Heart
set apart motherhood
84 l Overcoming the Frazzle 92 l Kiddo Spot
Discover God’s Heart for Home and Family
issue bonus
94 l Annie’s Letters from Haiti
Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture is taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 2012 The Church at Ellerslie. All rights reserved.
No material from this issue may be copied, reproduced, or distributed without express written permission from The Church at Ellerslie.
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44 64
94
56
ineveryissue
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setapartgirl playlist
51
Q & A with Leslie
70
Sister of the Common Life
81
Leslie’s Blog
112
Staff Book Recommendations
setapartgirl quote “When Christ overtakes a woman’s life and transforms her from the inside out, she becomes truly feminine - a picture of elegance, grace, and loveliness blended with sacrificial selfless devotion to her King.� -leslie ludy 6
contributors
Grace McConnaughey Designer/Photographer | Colorado
Grace has been a part of Ellerslie and setapartgirl for several years, faithfully serving in many different ways. Her passion for and delight in Jesus Christ shines through in every task Grace takes on, and she does everything “heartily as unto the Lord and not unto men.” God has gifted Grace with an eye for beauty, a unique style, and an amazing talent for photography and design. Over the past few months, and especially since Annie’s departure to Haiti, Grace has come alongside of our team and offered up these gifts and talents to be used for the Lord’s glory in this Jul/Aug issue. Our team would also like to offer sincere thanks to Christy Osborne for her beautiful design work, and to Karen Neal for selflessly giving of her time and abilities to bring this issue together with sweet willingness and joy throughout. We treasure you both and have been so blessed by your servant hearts and the beauty you brought to this issue!
about leslie
FOUNDER, setapartgirl
Leslie Ludy is a bestselling author and speaker with a passion for reaching her generation with the hope of Christ. She and her husband Eric have been writing and speaking together for the past seventeen years. Widely known for their bestselling classic, When God Writes Your Love Story, Eric and Leslie have become foremost voices on some of the most poignant issues facing the Church today, such as relationships, purity, holiness, and living a fully consecrated life for Christ. Together, they are the authors of eighteen books that have been translated into over a dozen languages around the world. For more about Leslie’s books, click here. Leslie and Eric are the founders and directors of Ellerslie Leadership Training based in Windsor, Colorado - an intensive discipleship training program that prepares future leaders for wold-impacting Christian service, and draws men and women of all ages from around the world.
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setapartgirl
PLAYLIST
Leslie’s PICK:Completely by Ana Laura is a powerful song
TEAM
PICKS:
from the movie Facing the Giants. I have listened to this song many times as a fresh reminder to surrender my life daily to the One who cares more about me than I could ever imagine. He is worthy of everything! MARLENE: You Alone Can Rescue, Matt Redman LAUREN: More Love to Thee, Fernando Ortega ANNIE: Your Love is Moving, Christy Nockels AMY: Jesus, I Come, Indelible Grace AMELIA: They Just Believe, Josh Wilson MADISON: Be Still and Know, Kathleen Carnali MANDY: The More I Seek You, Gateway Worship TESSA: How Firm a Foundation, Fernando Ortega
GET THE FULL PLAYLIST ON ITUNES! LOG IN TO PING & SEARCH FOR
“setapartgirl playlist”
Gaining
P
10
g a Passionate
Prayer Life
by Leslie Ludy My mom bakes great homemade bread. Each loaf has that luscious, bulbous, golden-brown sort of look, smells of heaven and glistens with buttery scrumptiousness. But no matter how hard I try to imitate my mother in this culinary arena, my version of her hand-me-down recipe never seems to turn out as good as hers. Let’s see...flour? Check. Water? Check. Yeast? Check. Baking soda? Check. Salt? Check. Dough conditioner? Check. I whip the whole collection of ingredients together, kneed it in my Bosch, let it rise, stick it in the bread pan, bake it at 325 degrees for 40 minutes, and what do I get? Holes in my bread. Aargh! A lot of us feel this way in our spiritual life. Commitment? Check. Ten minutes of uninterrupted time? Check. Hands
folded? Check. Sweet angelic prayer voice? Check. Desire to see prayers answered? Check. “Amen” placed at the conclusion of a long list of smart-sounding requests? Check. We jam all of these ingredients together a couple of times a week, mutter our long list of smart-sounding requests for ten minutes, stare up at the ceiling in hopes of seeing manna fall from the crawl space, and what do we get? Holes shot in our expectations. Aargh! So many of us are defeated in our prayer life before we ever even get started. “I tried praying like that,” people say, “but it just didn’t work for me.” “Prayer is a bit overrated,” others mutter. “God knows how much I love Him - I don’t think He needs me to tell Him a whole bunch of things He already knows.” 11
Most of us have tried whipping up a quick batch of bread somewhere along the line in our Christian life, and it didn’t turn out very well. Our souls said, Aargh! and the pain of the disappointment we felt still lingers inside of us. And as a result, we have thrown the whole concept out so we don’t end up with unmet expectations or our hopes once again dashed against the rocks of disappointment.
the fight and the fervor back into the whole operation. When I bake bread and forget the salt, it does not mean that what I remove from the oven is not bread. It is bread. But it is bread that does not taste quite right. In many ways, that is precisely what has happened to the majority of our modern-day recipes for prayer. They are missing some key ingredients and they have had counterfeit filler materials thrown in to compensate for those ingredients.
A Recipe for Wrestling Prayer Let me give you a quick peek at the recipe for prayer that God has introduced Eric and me to over the past few years. I think you will find that it only vaguely resembles much of what many of us have been surrounded by throughout our lives. But we need to start again. And this time, with a different recipe - one that was handcrafted by God Himself. Many of us have had spiritual leaders who have given us faulty recipes for prayer - recipes that lead precisely to this sense of defeat and discouragement that so many of us feel. We need to throw out the tepid and tame renditions of prayer and inject 12
The recipe for true wrestling prayer mixes an ample supply of faith with absolute abandon to the Spirit. It combines a healthy dose of spiritual swagger with a truckload of tenacity. Then it blends together several generous servings of focus, holy aggression, and heavenly audacity. That’s one confusing list for those of us who grew up in the domesticated and unenthusiastic modern church. In some
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ways, it is like exchanging the water and the salt in the bread recipe for Tabasco sauce and horseradish. It is adding some serious heat to the experience. These are the ingredients that, when combined rightly by the blazing Spirit of God, change the world and alter history. Most of the items on the list above are somewhat foreign to many of us, but the lead ingredient sounds a bit familiar: faith.
Faith is...
confidence assurance all-out trust
Faith is confidence, assurance, all-out trust that someone who said he would do something will in fact do it. My little boy, Hudson, does not squirm with doubt when his daddy promises him that we will go to the zoo when he awakens in the morning. He trusts Daddy’s promise, without question, without hesitation, and lays his head on the pillow with delight and unmitigated enthusiasm squealing within his heart. Scripture says that those who want to engage God and truly live as He has called them to live must first believe He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. This is where it starts. We must first believe, and then everything else begins to come into alignment. But therein lies our modern dilemma: we do not actually believe what the Bible says. Oh, we believe bits and pieces of it, but we do not truly believe that the living substance of the life of Jesus, (not
to mention Job, Moses, Joshua, Samuel, David, Daniel, Elijah, Elisha, Peter, James, John, and Paul) is intended to be planted squarely in the midst of our bodies and animate us to live lives likened unto His. We just don’t buy it. We wriggle beneath a hovering doubt when notions of being victorious over our addictions, being freed from our lusts, or conquering our fears comes up in conversation. And we have no grid whatsoever for notions of walking on water, calming storms, giving sight to the blind, or seeing the dead raised back to life. Why is it that we can believe the Bible and believe God can do anything He wants, but 13
“God has provided mighty power for His children; He has called us to perform valiant exploits for His kingdom and His glory. But this power can be accessed only by those who believe.” become sheepish and hesitant whenever the idea of God doing something huge is applied to our personal situations or circumstances?What we call “faith” these days is, in fact, what Jesus referred to as “oligopistos,” or “little faith.” It is not that we don’t have confidence in our God to save us from hell; we just don’t have confidence in Him to do everything else that He promised to do while we are still on earth. But this is where the mighty prayer life begins. The recipe calls for faith. And this is the real sort of faith - not the doubting, never sure rendition that is served up with a chorus and an offering basket these days at your local church; rather, it is the kind of faith that moves mountains and changes the direction and flow of history. You may find that when you open the pantry of your soul to see if there is any faith there to stir into this grand recipe for prayer, that you are running seriously low. 14
But don’t panic. Because if you panic here, it will only get worse as we go down the rest of the recipe list. These are ingredients that are necessary for the prayer life God has called us to enjoy, but we need to deal with first things first. We need to acknowledge that our pantry is, for the most part, barren. Before we can start wrestling in prayer, we need to seek the elements that will help us wrestle in prayer. So here are some practical things that you can do right now, today, this week, to begin to change the condition of your pantry.
Faith-Building Exercises for Wrestling Prayer
1.
Find Faith-Building Testimonies
One of the best ways to build faith in Jesus Christ is to surround yourself with believers who are strong in faith - Christians who believe that God is as big as He claims to be, and have personally seen His power and faithfulness demonstrated in mighty ways. During my teen years, I was deeply impacted by Krissy, Eric’s sister, when she was fresh off the mission field. Krissy was full of amazing stories about how God had miraculously provided for her, protected her, and supernaturally brought souls into His kingdom. Hearing her accounts of God’s faithfulness exposed my own low expectations of God - and as a result, I began to pray bigger prayers and see more miraculous things happen in my everyday life. In addition to Krissy’s modern-day experiences, I was also incredibly inspired toward a life of faith by reading historical
accounts of great Christians throughout the ages. History is filled with stories of mighty men and women who overcame impossible obstacles through faith in the power of their God. The problem is, in our modern day and age, we do not hear many stories that build our faith. Rather, we seem to hear the opposite. The most popular books in the Christian market are typically those in which the authors talk candidly about their disappointment with God, their difficulty finding a real experience with God, and their grappling with the reality that God just does not seem as big as Scripture makes Him out to be. Our faith will not be built by messages like that. Our perspective on the magnitude of God’s power will not be strengthened by singing lackluster worship songs that focus on us instead of Him. One mega-church in our area is fond of using 15
“if we want to strengthen our faith-building muscles, we must flood our hearts, minds, and souls with reminders of the faithfulness and power of our God...”
the U2 hit, I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For in their Sunday services. How can such mediocre meditations possibly convince us that God is with us, ready and willing to perform mighty works in our midst? Instead, if we want to strengthen our faith-building muscles, we must flood our hearts, minds, and souls with reminders of the faithfulness and power of our God, and disregard all messages that speak anything else. In Ephesians 1:19, Paul wrote that he desired us to grasp “the exceeding greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his mighty power.” God has provided mighty power for His children; He has called us to perform valiant exploits for His kingdom and His glory. But this power can be accessed only by those who believe. If you find it difficult to grasp the exceeding greatness of His power toward you, begin listening to testimonies that glorify the faithfulness of God. If you have heroic Christians in your life who have personally witnessed the power of God, meet with them and ask to hear some of their stories. And even if you do not know any faith-filled Christians, there are plenty of inspiring books and biographies that can build your faith through the testimonies of mighty men and women of God who have gone before you.
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Some of our favorites are… Tramp for the Lord by Corrie ten Boom The Pastor’s Wife by Sabina Wurmbrand Gold Cord by Amy Carmichael George Muller of Bristol by Arthur T. Pierson Rees Howells: Intercessor by Norman Grubb • Chasing the Dragon by Jackie Pullinger • Hudson Taylor’s Spiritual Secret by Mr. and Mrs. Howard Taylor • • • • •
2.
Keep a prayer journal and get specific
Recently a young Christian friend of ours told Eric, “I never pray for anything specific. I’ve always been told that if you pray for something specific and God doesn’t answer it, you’ll get disillusioned with God.” This is a typical attitude among modern Christians. We are afraid to get too specific with our prayers because we are worried that God won’t answer us. It is far easier to pray vague, general prayers so our hopes are not disappointed. But here is a crucial truth: specific praying is the key to building faith. It is the way Christ asks us to pray. (See Matt. 18:19-20; Matt. 21:21; Mark 9:23; and John 14:12-13. James speaks similarly in James 5:15-16.) It is the pattern of Scripture. And when we are willing to go
out on a limb and make a specific request of God, our faith grows as we see Him come through for us. One of the best ways to build your faith is to keep a prayer journal and write down specific prayers that you are bringing before God. Then wrestle in prayer for them on a daily basis until the breakthrough comes. Record every answer to prayer, small or large, in your journal. Then, a few months or years later, you will be able to read back over your prayer journal and see the faithfulness of God. Whenever I have kept a prayer journal and revisited it later on, I am always amazed at how God demonstrated His power in my life - and my faith is built mighty and strong. Eric and I have found that we didn’t really understand praying until we began to pray specifically. As Charles Spurgeon said: “There is a general kind of praying which fails for lack of precision. It is as if a regiment of soldiers should all fire off their guns anywhere. Possibly somebody would be killed, but the majority of the enemy 17
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would be missed.”
to them is also available to us.”
Our prayer journals echo the testimony of Martin Luther, who attested: “No one can believe how powerful prayer is and what it can effect, except those who have learned it by experience. Whenever I have prayed earnestly, I have been heard and have obtained more than I prayed for. God sometimes delays, but He always comes.”
For Eric and me, that statement is the essence of how God has called us to live, and it is the message He has called us to proclaim to others. As Eric and I have taken wrestling prayer seriously, our lives have been completely and utterly transformed.
If you keep a prayer journal and are daring enough to bring your specific requests continually before God, this will be your testimony as well. Dr. Goulburn, Dean of Norwich, once said, “The greatest Old or New Testament saints were on a level that is quite within our grasp. The same power that was available
No matter who you are or how ordinary your life seems, if you dare to take God at His word and wrestle in prayer until the answer comes, your spiritual life will never be the same. In fact, history will never be the same! This dying world needs more people who are ready and willing to believe big things of a big God. I hope and pray that you will be among the first in this generation to answer this sacred call.
*
*
“No matter who you are or how ordinary your life seems, if you dare to take God at His word and wrestle in prayer until the answer comes, your spiritual life will never be the same.” 18
Ellerslie Leadership Training A Semester at Ellerslie with Eric and Leslie Ludy
A MESSAGE FROM ERIC & LESLIE
The Ellerslie semester-long intensive training program combines powerful biblical training with a set-apart, spiritually-rich environment, tailor-made for cultivating intimacy with Christ and becoming equipped for worldimpacting Christian service. It’s a life-changing experience designed to super-charge your spiritual walk, ground you in a Gospel worldview, give you an unshakeable passion for God’s Word, and prepare you for a lifestyle of kingdom work. We would count it a privilege to personally invest in your spiritual life through this program!
upcoming sessions: 2012 Fall:
October 13 - December 16
2013 Winter/Spring: February 9 - April 14
apply at:
www.Ellerslie.com
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A TIME TO TREASURE approaching
a God-scripted engagement
BY Tessa Hershberger & Amy Meyers
Itall changed with one word: yes! And
suddenly, our times together on the pink couch began to include discussions about invitation design, centerpiece brainstorming, and hours of searching for the perfect, beautifully modest bridesmaid dress. The previous few months had been peppered with new adjustments; but, as life-altering as they seemed, none of those changes would compare to the one that took place after February 2nd, the night that ended with one of us wearing a diamond on her left ring finger. Now, we find ourselves in a quickly-passing season that will come to a conclusion in the blink of an eye.
But until that day arrives, our desire is to walk out these few short months in a way that is honoring to Christ, serving to strengthen, rather than strain, our Godgiven friendship. While we have not responded to every situation perfectly, God has been faithful to teach us and give us the grace we need, both for ourselves and each other, as we have allowed Him to reveal a different pattern to us for a time such as this. So, for the final article we will ever write together as two single women, we would like to share with you a few of the ways God has challenged us to approach this season and truly treasure every moment before it all changes again this time with two words.
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from the friend’s perspective: (amy’s side)
Purpose to pray Tessa and I have always prayed for each other, so it was not a strain to begin including prayers for her in regards to this season of engagement. However, as the relationship progressed, I began to feel more and more pressed to pray, not only for her, but for them. I would open my prayer times for her by asking the Lord, How do You want me to pray for Tessa today? Sometimes, it would be a very specific thing only for her, and 22
other times, He would lead me to pray for them - their engagement season, their wedding day, their future life, their home - and as I obeyed and gave myself to this very new sort of prayer, I began to gain a greater vision for God’s amazing plan for these two given lives He was joining together. Furthermore, prayer has served to unify our hearts as friends during this time, especially when I have had the opportunity to pray with Tessa for these things. And my times in the prayer closet for the two of them have opened the door for the Lord to direct me in exactly how I can serve what He is doing in their lives and simply bless them as they seek to honor Him with this relationship.
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tessa’s interjection:
I remember one time when Amy mentioned that she had just been praying about a very specific need regarding my future with Nick. While I was aware that she prayed for us, I was struck by her willingness to spend time praying so specifically, rather than just going to God with “blanket prayers” for my and Nick’s relationship and future marriage. Her attention to and care for these details are the mark of a true sister in Christ, and so challenge me to do the same for her!
Listen with interest While we have both purposed to keep our conversations from being completely taken over by wedding talk, it is a frequently visited topic these days. But through all the details to talk through, appointments to make, and shopping trips to arrange, my desire has been to remain joyful and actually show how much I enjoy every aspect of the planning. At times, it has proven more challenging than others, but through much prayer, dependence upon the Lord, abundant grace, and a brideto-be who shares the desire to keep this entire process about Christ, I have found the ability to give myself whole-heartedly every time this subject comes up. I love the opportunity to offer my best energy, attention, and enthusiasm to Tessa as she shares this season with me. And rather than sitting idly and simply replying to her thoughts and ideas, I have found it to be
so much more enjoyable for us both if I ask thoughtful questions, excitedly offer suggestions, and actively engage in what she is talking about.
Wait your turn Without even purposefully going to bridal shops, women tend to think, dream, and even talk about their “big day” long before they meet their future husband. Therefore, the bait to store away ideas for the future is quite enticing when you find yourself constantly surrounded by satin dresses, beautiful roses, and script-y fonts. As we shopped for, talked about, and planned Tessa’s wedding, I realized how easy it would be to allow my mind to stray from the task at hand. But prior to coming down with “wedding fever” the Lord challenged me, Will you think only on the things of others in this time, and not give a moment to thoughts of your own future? Will you leave that in My hands? I have no promise of marriage, and my Jesus has asked me to entrust my tomorrows to Him and live today to the hilt. Today I have the privilege of being Tessa’s friend, encourager, shopping partner, and idea bouncing board, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world. What a gift I have been given! Rather than allowing self-centeredness to have any place, I will choose to pour out my best energy and ideas onto Tessa, helping to make her special day everything God wants it to be and leave everything else in His capable hands. 23
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Show genuine excitement I will never forget the night that Tessa told me a young man had asked to pursue her heart. There were so many emotions, feelings, questions, and thoughts swirling around in my mind. But above all the noise, I felt the call to truly, genuinely rejoice with her in the beautiful, heavenly story God was beginning to write. However, taking such a step forward and choosing to exult over the joyous news of another, will inevitably cause the tempter to try and sneak in with gloomy thoughts of what we ourselves do not have. Such feelings are self-focused and certainly not of God, and must be thrown out at the first sign of their presence. Elisabeth Elliot refers to this sort of thing as “givens” and “not-givens,” and she encourages young women to accept them both with gladness. For me, marriage
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is a “not-given” right now, and for Tessa, it is a “given;” but what joy there is to be found in both cases, knowing from whose hand they each have come. Of course, as her best friend and roommate, it has not always been easy to adjust to the changes this season has brought, and I know that I will miss her when she moves into her own little home. But through every change, and with each new step, I can rejoice with her in what our faithful Father is doing. Their relationship has been built by God, and anything crafted by His perfect hands is worth getting excited about!
tessa’s interjection:
Just the other day I went out to order card stock for the wedding invitations, and was thrilled to discover that it was on sale for a small fraction of the original price! When I
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told Amy the good news, she echoed my excitement and acknowledged the Lord’s faithfulness. This genuine rejoicing in even the smaller matters simply doubles the sweetness of the blessing!
Champion the process Right from the start of Tessa’s relationship, it was abundantly clear to me who was behind it all - it could be the work of none but Almighty God. Thus, I quickly became very much in favor of the progressing relationship, and joyfully gave myself in prayer for the couple. I remember one prayer time in particular when I was praising the Lord for His work in their lives and asking Him to pour out His richest blessings upon them, and I was struck with a question, Does Tessa know how beautiful I think this relationship is, or how amazed I am at how she is walking it out? From then on I began asking the Lord to show me when and how to encourage and support Tessa as she so willingly walked the untrodden path of much sacrifice and surrender. He led me in very specific (and sometimes unexpected) ways in which I could cheer her on, bless her heart, or serve what God was building in her life. And as the relationship grew and changed, the Lord started prompting me to encourage them as a couple and champion their given-ness and amazing purity. What a blessed privilege to wash the feet of those who are seeking to honor Christ above all!
from the bride-tobe’s perspective (tessa’s side)
Maintain the friendship Once my ring was sized and the date set, reality struck: we have a wedding to plan! And while it was certainly fun to begin talking about bouquet possibilities and ivory gowns, it didn’t take long for me to realize how easy it is to immediately become consumed with all things “wedding.” And we saw that unless we were purposeful to spend time together, apart from the planning, our friendship could soon lose its Christ-centered foundation. Though Amy was eager to jump on board and help in any way needed, I had the responsibility to not take advantage of her gracious, listening ear. At times, this meant making a deliberate choice to talk about something other than whatever details we were currently working our way through. We also decided to set apart Sunday evenings for a “roommate date” - no wedding planning allowed! These are times when we can simply enjoy each other’s company and talk about what God is doing in our lives or what is on our hearts. After all, the wedding will eventually be over, and I would like to 25
come to the end of that day and find that our friendship was strengthened during this season not because we agreed on centerpiece styles, but because we continued to keep Jesus Christ at the center.
Let her correct During the first couple weeks of being engaged, God opened my eyes to see what an incredible gift it was to have a friend who shared my vision for approaching wedding planning in the same way I had approached my relationship with Nick: other-than the ways of this world. I shared with Amy some specific guidelines I had established (i.e. do not mindlessly browse Pinterest with no determined purpose or time limit), and asked her to keep me accountable. But it was not enough to simply ask for accountability. I had to actually be willing to let her correct or question me if she began to see something that did not match up with my heart and the standards she knew I was aiming for. Furthermore, I had to trust that her motive was love - love for Jesus, and love for her friend, in whose life she desired to see God’s very highest and best. And as God has continued to teach both of us how to give and receive accountability, it has only proved to strengthen our friendship and expand our vision for a life wholly set-apart for our King! 26
amy’s interjection:
I remember being so nervous at the idea of saying anything that could cause a ripple in our friendship when Tessa asked me to keep her accountable in her relationship with Nick. And while it did take us some time to figure out how to approach this in a Christ-like way, as God has been teaching us both how to rightly give and receive correction, these potentially problematic conversations have become an opportunity for God to strengthen our friendship and unify our hearts.
Don’t parade it Amy will be the first one to tell you about a certain smile that began to reveal itself soon after Nick began to pursue my heart. And she will also be the first one to tell you that the same smile got about ten times bigger after I became the future Mrs. Thompson. As we have shared plenty of laughs about this apparent inability to conceal my ever-increasing excitement, I have been so deeply blessed by Amy’s selfless readiness to appreciate this good and perfect gift God has given me. However, I must be careful to not speak or act in such a way that would make her feel as though she had not been given anything “good and perfect” from the Lord. Singleness, whether for a season or a lifetime, is just as much of a gift as marriage, but if I go around waving love letters in front of her face or constantly 27
talking about how thoughtful and romantic Nick is, I will only be sending the completely false message that she is “stuck” being single until her turn comes. While Amy patiently cultivates a heart of contentment during this present season she is in, I can seek to serve, rather than hinder, her desire to keep her focus in the right place.
Share your heart When God began scripting my love story, Amy did not give me an indifferent nod of approval and then go on with her life as though nothing had happened. She did not make me feel as though this life-changing season was in no way allowed to affect our friendship. Instead, she expressed a genuine desire to be involved, and a beautiful willingness to allow my love story to be something through which the Lord could teach and grow her. As I observed those desires, I saw what a great opportunity I had been given to let her be a part of the relationship, and even benefit from it. My desire is that that she would be edified and pointed to Christ simply by observing the relationship, however, I can also cultivate those things through purposeful, Spirit-led conversation. If God was teaching me something new, I could share my heart with her and allow Him to use that lesson in her own life as well. If I needed wisdom and discernment for a particular decision or 28
struggle, I had a ready prayer partner whom I could go to with a very specific request. If I needed the listening ear of a godly friend - whether to simply express my excitement, or articulate my anticipations for the future - Amy was available. Why not allow God to get more glory by letting her in on what He was doing and how He was working?
amy’s interjection: The past few months of Tessa’s engagement would not have been nearly as meaningful and wonderfully challenging to me had she not opened up to me about what God was doing in the relationship. Because of her willingness to share, I was able to see the hand of the Lord so clearly at work in the relationship, and He showed me specific ways I could pray for her throughout the process. This beautiful openness has also created a sweet sisterhood between us, not just giggling about the fun, romantic things, but truly marveling together at the work of our great King.
Cherish the season When Amy and I returned to our cozy little dorm last January after spending the holidays with our families, I had no idea that in just eight more months, I would be married and we would no longer be roommates. No more
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scrambled eggs and homemade blueberry muffins together in the morning. No more raiding each other’s closets when our own wardrobes get boring. No more early morning prayer times. Of course, we will still be friends, and will certainly spend time together; however, we will not have the same opportunity to invest in each other’s life as we do now. So many times in the last two years of friendship with Amy, I have been reminded of what an amazing gift our God has given us. And now that a major change is approaching, I so desire to be able to look back on this season knowing that I did not waste our time together. As Jim Elliot said, “Wherever you are, be all there.” The fact is, I am not married yet. And though I am planning a wedding and preparing practically for marriage, I must remember to live each day in the present, and truly appreciate
this precious time, with a most precious sister in Christ.
Final thoughts Though each of us have had a very different perspective on this season, the one thing that has knit our hearts together has been a united vision to walk it out in a way that defies the patterns of this world and holds to a heavenly standard. And while we will readily admit that we have both needed grace to grow, we will also be quick to praise our God for the work He has done and is doing, in us as individuals and in our friendship. Things will soon change once again, this time more drastically, but we know the God who began this friendship will faithfully uphold it, no matter what He chooses to walk us through in the years to come.
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...we know the God who began this friendship will faithfully uphold it, no matter what He chooses to walk us through in the years to come.
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brand new from leslie ludy
TRUE PURITY
STUDY SERIES 8-week DVD study series
[ ] for small groups or individuals -
with study guide included!
Fairy tale love stories are more than possible, even in today’s perverse and warped generation. But don’t expect to find a fairy tale by imitating the haphazard, hold-nothing-back version of romance you see all around you. Only when you are willing to become one of the “few” in this generation who wil go to all lengths to serve and honor your King will you experinece His very best in romance and guy friendships. Leslie Ludy’s True Purity study is a powerful and practical message that points young women to God’s design for lily-white purity. This 8-week study includes a 2-disc DVD set and accompanying study guide. This study is designed for small groups or individuals, and is appropriate for young women of all ages.
coming soon!
take it deeper
The
singleness
Sacred Opportunity of
by Leslie Ludy
“Learning to be ‘others-centered’ is a massive cure
for any type of ailment...love-sickness, single-sickness, depression, or anything else. For it is when we take our eyes off our own inadequacies and losses that we are truly able to be used for others. And as we are used to help others, our pain slowly goes away. (You can’t focus on two things at once!)”
Mel,
32-year-old single nurse
One
of the keys to being fulfilled and content is to be others-centered. When you live a poured-out life, you realize that you aren’t the only one struggling or going through a hard time or waiting on the promises of God to be fulfilled in your life. It is hard for me to think about myself when there is a family living in a mud hut that has no food to eat and no bed to sleep in. It’s hard for me to think about my dreams when I am comforting a child who has just lost her mother to AIDS. It is hard for me to think about my desires when I live with 75 orphans who know the pain of rejection and abandonment.
P Karris
28-year-old single missionary
Lydia
was a beautiful, intelligent woman in her mid-thirties. A gifted teacher from Denmark, she had a thriving career and a seemingly perfect life. Her family was wealthy and respected, and she had recently become engaged to an attractive and successful man.
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But something was missing from Lydia’s life. Inwardly, there was an inexplicable need for more. She had everything the world could offer - why did she feel so empty and unfulfilled? In desperation, she began to wonder about God. She had never been a
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relationships religious person, but for some reason she felt that maybe He was what was missing from her life. Lydia did not know any Christians, so she realized that she would have to find out about God on her own. She pulled a dusty Bible from her bookshelf and began reading it. Night after night, she spent hours at her kitchen table - drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, and pouring over the Scriptures. After several weeks, her heart was open and ready. She knew this was the Truth. And she knew she must surrender her life to this God who had died to rescue her. Everything in Lydia’s life changed. Her addiction to alcohol and cigarettes was broken. Her love for late-night parties
and concerts faded. Her desire for wealth and success was replaced by a longing to pour herself out for the least around the world. And her desire for marriage changed into an intense longing for intimacy with Jesus Christ.
Much to the astonishment of her family and friends, Lydia broke things off with her money-loving fiancĂŠ, walked away from her successful career, and gave all of the money in her savings account to a missionary who was starting an orphan home in Africa. And for months, she sought God and prayed about where she was to go, what she was to do. Out of all the things Lydia laid upon the altar during that season, giving up her
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prospects for marriage was the most or hospitals around. The streets were difficult. Already in her mid-thirties, she dangerous. Raids and attacks were knew that “time was running out” if she common. No one ever ventured out ever wanted to settle down and build a at night. How could she possibly keep nest. But God was calling her to a life this little girl alive? of radical abandonment But God was calling to Him, and she trusted that He would be more her to a life of than enough to sustain and fulfill her, even if He never brought to Him, and she trusted a man into her life.
radical abandonment that He would be more
After a year of prayer, than enough to sustain Lydia felt strongly that God wanted her to and fulfill her. go to Jerusalem as a missionary of the Gospel. With very little money and no real contacts there, Crying out to God, Lydia prayed over Lydia set off, trusting that God would the sick child, asking for a miracle. meet her every need. She ended up Many times during the night, Lydia in a tiny basement apartment, praying thought the baby had died. But in the and wondering why God had called her morning, she was still alive - and even to this strange place. A few days later, looked a bit better. Soon it was evident there was a knock on her door. A man that God had answered her prayers stood there with a deathly ill baby in his and performed a miracle. arms. “We cannot take care of her,” he said. “She will probably die soon - but That was the beginning of the amazing will you take her anyway?” ministry God had called Lydia to. The child became her own daughter, and Baffled, Lydia took the child and laid Lydia began to pour out her life in her on the bed. The apartment was service to the sick, the orphaned, the bitterly cold. There was no milk or food poor, the dying, the fearful, and the or blankets. There were no doctors oppressed people of Jerusalem. She 36
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relationships learned how to lean upon God for her every need - for every meal, for every problem. God continued to bring needy children to Lydia’s doorstep, and within a few years, she was a mother to ten little ones. She didn’t have the natural resources to provide for them or keep them healthy. But God did, and never once did any of them go without. Lydia had given up expecting to get married. She certainly did not live in a place that was conducive to finding a husband. But she had no intention of changing her direction, because she knew that she was exactly where God wanted her. He was more than a Husband to her every single day. And He had beautifully blessed her life with many precious children.
that a woman like her existed. Here is how Derek described Lydia’s impact upon him:
“Having graduated in Britain from Eton College and Cambridge University, I had at that time held a fellowship at King’s College, Cambridge for six years. But a completely new phase of my education began the day I climbed the outside stairs of a gray stone
Through her obedience to her Lord, her dream of motherhood had come true. She was joyful, fulfilled, and content. One day, a missionary and Bible student named Derek came across Lydia’s path. He was just visiting Jerusalem for a short while. He never expected to meet someone like Lydia there. But when he began to observe her work and ministry, he was baffled. He’d never seen a woman like her - or even conceived 37
house and met the blue-eyed Danish woman whom a houseful of Jewish and Arabchildren called Mama. In that house I met the Holy Spirit, not as one Person of a theological doctrine called the Trinity, but as a present, potent, daily reality. I watched Lydia set out plates on the table when there was no food to put on those plates, knowing that by the time we sat down to eat, God would have provided
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the meal. I watched her rebuke fever and sickness in the children and saw the sickness depart. Above all, I watched the Spirit nourish her, lead her and support her all day, every day, through the pages of the Bible. I had studied the Scriptures in their original languages, analyzed their historic components, pondered their exegesis. Lydia let them speak to her heart. ‘I read the gospel of John,’ she
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relationships once said, ‘like a love letter.’ In thirty years of marriage I have learned from Lydia that prayer that springs from this kind of intimacy with the Bible is not a subjective thing, but a force in the world - the most powerful force there is.” Derek and Lydia were married and raised nine adopted children together, serving and laboring for the kingdom of God. Obviously from his own words, Lydia’s beautiful intimacy with her Lord continued to make an impact upon him all throughout their marriage. (*story adapted from Appointment in Jerusalem by Derek Prince) Derek and Lydia’s romance was a beautiful, God-scripted love story completely free of human strategy or manipulation. Their life was a spectacular display of God’s glory and faithfulness, an amazing daily adventure with their King. And it would not have been possible if Lydia had clung to her own comforts and pursuits. She never would have met Derek or had the privilege of raising those children if she had stayed away from the mission field in the hopes of meeting the right guy, or if she had put her life on hold until God brought a man across her path.
If you are single, God has a much higher calling upon your life than spending all of your time and energy trying to snag Mr. Right. As Paul wrote, being unmarried is an amazing opportunity to serve the Lord without distraction (see 1 Cor. 7:32-34). It is true that you might find a decent Christian guy by reading books with tips on how to get noticed, or by joining an Internet dating service. But what a great adventure you will miss out on! What romance, beauty, and glory we forgo when we try to script the story ourselves.
God has not called us to build our lives around the pursuit of our own selfish desires, but to be
poured-out sacrifices
for His kingdom. God has not called us to build our lives around the pursuit of our own selfish desires, but to be poured-out sacrifices for His kingdom. One of the great tragedies of American Christian young women is our total preoccupation with self. In my bookSet Apart Femininity, I 39
wrote about the dangers of the popular selfesteem message for women, which teaches that our own heart is good, and encourages us to live to our “true self” and inhabit our own beauty. Not only is this a non-biblical concept (we have no true eternal beauty outside of the beauty of Jesus Christ, and we only bring Him glory by dying to self, not living to it) but the real danger is that it keeps us consumed with “me, me, me” while the rest of the world is sick and oppressed and dying and impoverished. We, in America, are wealthy and comfortable beyond what most people in the world can even imagine. In the single season of life, we are freer than we will ever be to give our lives to those in need and become Christ’s advocates for the least around the world. But we do not use our advantage for that cause. Instead we sit around complaining about petty concerns and evaluating our own emotions. We attend retreats that are all about how we can feel better about ourselves and live more fulfilled lives. We read books about how we can somehow find the right guy. We spend hours online frittering our time away in endless social networks. We waste countless hours at the mall, snatching up the latest trends and trying to become more appealing to the opposite sex. We live a life completely focused on self. Meanwhile, children are starving, women are being prostituted, and 40
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relationships countless families around the world are ripped apart by disease and poverty. In your single years, more than ever, you have the ability to give your life for them, to pour out your time, your energy, your love, and your resources to those who have God’s special favor - the poor. Are you using this gift for
forgo your constant striving to find an earthly prince in exchange for a more “hidden” life of sacrificial service to Christ. It may mean becoming far less “available” for guys to notice you, and far more available to Jesus Christ and His purposes. This commitment may call you to a remote village in Africa, or an orphanage in Haiti, or an inner-
...focus your entire life on Jesus Christ and His priorities. the benefit of those in need, or are you squandering it on yourself? So, how do we respond to such a high calling? My first challenge to you is to dedicate your singles years (and all the years beyond, but it starts with where you are at today) to be poured out for the glory of Christ. Are you willing to lay all your own pursuits upon the altar and allow Him to make your body a living sacrifice? This is not a decision to take lightly. This is not just something that should be theoretical in your life. This decision will very likely require a radical shift in direction, and a painful letting go of comforts and dreams. And it may very well mean that you must
city slum. God’s sacred claim may ask you to pour your life out for one special needs child, or give your life to rescue hundreds of enslaved child prostitutes. As odd as it may sound, I believe the best way to find a godly marriage partner is to stop hunting for one, and instead focus your entire life on Jesus Christ and His priorities. We should never put off fulfilling God’s calling upon our lives because we have not met our man yet. As Lydia’s story demonstrates, God is not limited by our circumstances or surroundings. If He wants you to be married, He is more than capable of bringing a man into your life in the most unlikely way, in the most unlikely 41
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relationships Jerusalem. Lydia is just one of the many amazing testimonies I have encountered of women who did not put their life’s calling on hold until they met their man, but willingly followed the call of God on their lives and began actively working for His kingdom - even though it meant being less available to the opposite sex. And amazingly, it was in a place of seeming obscurity that God wrote their love stories and brought along their husbands. Remember, there are many Christ-built warrior-poet men out there who are praying and hoping for a set-apart young woman - one who is not following after the trends of the culture, not wallowing around in discontentment, or on the prowl for a guy. Nothing would thrill a true warriorpoet’s heart more than to know that his future bride was spilling her life out for the sake of the Gospel. Do you want to find a godly guy? Focus on pouring your life out for Jesus Christ, and leave the rest to Him.
...God is not limited by our circumstances or surroundings. place. God can bring your spouse to you in the remotest village in Africa, or in the most hidden slum of Haiti. Or like Lydia, He can bring him to an obscure basement apartment in 42
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take it deeper
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S Undiminished a call for
Femininity 44
by an anonomous warrior-poet-in-the-making 45
As a warrior-poet, I am a great champion of femininity...
Growing up, I knew many of what our
culture labels as “tomboys.” They were the girls who hung out with the guys, dressed like the guys, talked like the guys, wrestled like the guys, and did just about everything like the guys. To put it plainly, they were girls who had completely disregarded their femininity. They were fed up with the overly dramatic, afraid-to-break-a-nail kind of girls. They could not stand the thought of being perceived as a girly, everythingmust-be-pink Barbie. So they decided to flush their God-given femininity down the drain. The thought of femininity being flushed down the drain is not all that exciting to me. As a warrior-poet-in-the-making, I am a great champion of femininity and long to see it upheld and untarnished. God’s sacred intent for His creation is that it would fulfill the purpose it was created to. And though it might not be clearly perceived in all the fogginess of our culture, God created women to be women - it’s that simple. I would like to graciously expose the femininity-diminishing tendencies of “tomboys” in our culture today. There are four common trends I have witnessed in the midst of this lifestyle.
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The Competitive, Obsessively Athletic Trend This tomboy trend is masked in fullyacceptable garb. There is nothing wrong with a girl being athletic or getting a little sweaty. In fact, I think it is quite a good thing. Girls were created to be strong. In the book of Proverbs, speaking of the virtuous woman, the writer says, “She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms” (Prov. 31:17 KJV). But God did not intend women’s lives to revolve around competitive sports and bicep-flexing. It is a bit frightening when a girl pulls out her jersey and with a grunt exclaims that she is the middle-linebacker for her high school football team.
The Gym Clothes Only Fashion Trend I have seen this fashion (I’m not sure it can rightly be called “fashion“) trend amongst too many women. Many of them would rather die than be caught wearing a skirt or a dress. They are instead dressed in pajama-like attire, sweats, or baggy shorts and old t-shirts. You might even catch them sporting a pair of jeans on a good day. Once again, there is nothing wrong with wearing jeans or t-shirts, but these women make little or no effort to emanate their femininity through their clothing. They dress for the gym regardless of where they are going.
S ...God created women to be women - it’s that simple 47
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The Prideful Disdain for Ladylikeness Trend From a man’s perspective, this is the most revolting of all tomboy trends. Following a culture in which men compete to burp their ABCs the fastest and dignity seems to be altogether lost, these women not only allow loud and foul noises to emit from their bodies and chew with their mouths open, but they often do it most proudly. They have almost no self-control and boast in the fact that they are different than all the proper, dignified girly-girls whom they abhor. Some might appear more dignified than others, but these girls all have one thing in common - they lack in the elegance department and make it a point of joking.
The Guy-Only Friend Trend This trend is, in my opinion, the most dangerous and harmful of all typical tomboy behavior. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, these ladies flat-out do not like spending time with other girls. They have almost no female friends and enjoy spending time with men much more than with women. Often, they will proudly claim that their best friend is a guy. They will share deep things with him and cultivate an intimacy of friendship that should not be had with any man apart 48
from the sacred covenant of marriage. They believe there is not another girl on this earth who can understand them and that they are simply destined to be close friends with guys only. You might be wondering why I am making such a big deal about all of this. Why do I care if a girl hangs out with the guys and can bench-press more than Arnold Schwarzenegger? Why do I care if a girl allows masculinity to overtake her femininity? What’s the issue? Femininity is arguably the most beautiful aspect of God’s creation. And, as a warrior-poet-in-the-making, it is hard to sit by and watch it be diminished and grossly degraded. I long to see women be women according to God’s pattern once again.
I long to see women be women according to God’s pattern...
I’m not saying that women need to only wear skirts or they can never throw a ball or talk to a guy. I simply desire women to prize and appreciate their femininity.
S
God treasures all of His creation. And He sovereignly created you in loving wisdom to be a woman and to bear the beautiful mark of femininity. Listen to the worshipful psalmist: “O LORD, how manifold are your works! In wisdom have you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures” (Psalm 104:24 ESV).
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We are to worship and praise God for the wisdom and perfection of His works! If God created you as a woman, cherish it! Don’t selfishly disregard God’s unique design for femininity but praise Him, who in omniscient wisdom created you to display it.
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Femininity is arguably the most beautiful aspect of God’s creation. 49
Here are a few pract ical ways t o st art:
O O
Seek to dress with God-glorifying dignity, honor, and elegance. Don’t dress simply for comfort or because the “guy style” fits your personality, but instead dress in a way that will most please and exalt Christ.
Maintain a healthy lifestyle and stay fit, but don’t become obsessively athletic. A lady does not participate in mud-wrestling, arm-wrestling, or any other kind of wrestling. Though she may be strong, she is marked by tender love and a gentle spirit.
O
Cultivate deep, Christ-centered relationships with other young ladies. And be guarded in your interactions with men, careful not share the deep recesses of your heart with them. There are certain pieces of a woman’s heart which are only meant to be shared with her husband.
O
Allow every action of your life to be marked by heavenly purity and honor. Etiquette is not some ancient word which no longer applies to those living in the 21st century, but it is something we should still seek to make a part of our daily lives. If you don’t know how to start, seek out the wisdom of a woman whose life is marked by the dignity of heaven or find a good book on the subject.
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Q&A with Leslie
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Q&A
Q: A:
I’m so disgusted with the way most guys today act. I am usually sarcastic and demeaning toward every guy in my life. I sometimes feel bad about it, but am I really supposed to treat them with respect when they don’t deserve it? Being demeaning toward masculinity is a form of self-protection. We do not know how to deal with the disappointment of modern manhood, so we choose to cover our emotions with scorn. I have been in numerous conversations in which married Christian women sat around drinking coffee and bashing their husband’s idiotic behavior – laughing and joking with the “all men are jerks so we might as well get a few laughs out of it” attitude. But this attitude only traps men in their weakness. Once a guy has been “labeled” as a self-serving pervert, a lazy burper scratcher, or a mindless, grunting caveman, he has very little motivation to become anything different. I have talked to many single guys who have told me, “What’s the use in trying to change? Women will always see me this way. If I try to be noble, women won’t appreciate it anyway. They’ll just assume I’m faking it to get what I want.” Married men can easily fall into the same trap - “Why would I bother trying to be different if my wife is going to always see me as an unromantic, self-focused slob anyway?” All too many men who would have otherwise risen to a higher standard have become stymied and paralyzed by the attitude of women who don’t believe that they can ever change. No matter what disturbing trends we see in modern manhood, the worst thing we can do is participate in our culture’s scornful bashing of masculinity and label men as sex-consumed perverts or lazy slobs who will never change. That arrogant attitude only creates guys who shrug and say, “Well if that’s all she thinks I can be, then why would I bother trying to be anything different?” But when women actually believe that men can become the heroic warrior-poets that they were meant to be, we cause guys to actually want to change.
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Q&A
God calls us to respect and reverence masculinity, not to scorn and bash it. “…let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Eph. 5:33) “…the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord…” (1 Peter 3:4-6) The same principle applies to unmarried women. If you want the guys around you to start acting more heroic, don’t label them, scorn them, or bash them. Believe that they can become something more. It’s not having faith in a man, but in what our mighty, amazing, triumphant God can do in and through a man. Let your words bring life and encouragement, not sarcasm and disdain. James 3:8-10 says, “[The tongue] is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.” Proverbs 30:21-23 says, “For three things the earth is perturbed, yes, for four it cannot bear up: for a servant when he reigns, a fool when he is filled with food, a hateful woman when she is married, and a maidservant who succeeds her mistress.” Arrogant femininity is not Christ-built femininity. It’s a twisted counterfeit of our feminine power – using our words to paralyze and defeat men rather than set them free to become valiant warrior-poets. As women, we are created to build men up, not tear them down. This does not mean that we lower our standards and accept mediocrity. Rather, it means that we motivate guys to rise up to the standard of Christ through words and attitudes of encouragement instead of disgust. Ask God for His heart for the men in your life, and then let Him give you the grace to become part of the solution and not the problem. He will be faithful!
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Guarding What is Sacred “You may now kiss the bride!” What an odd statement to throw into a wedding ceremony! Why give a couple the permission to kiss on their wedding day, when they’ve most likely already exchanged kisses a thousand times? Such traditional verbiage seems strange to most modern couples. We live in a world where intimate kisses have lost their sacred essence. In some relationships, a kiss is carelessly given away only hours into the shallow affair. In others, a kiss is treated as a mere formality of expressing romantic interest. So it’s no wonder that we have lost an understanding of saving sacred expressions of love for those perfect God-orchestrated moments. The root of this seemingly strange tradition of “now kissing the bride” grows out of a completely different paradigm on physical touch prior to marriage. It is an ancient understanding of physical touch – one that reserved all sexual expressions of affection for the wedding day and beyond. So when a groom was “allowed” to kiss his bride, it actually meant that the time had come for him to kiss her for the very first time...
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Joyful every morning
by Tessa Hershberger
WHEN I WAS AROUND TWELVE years old I was still learning what it meant to have “quiet time” with the Lord. I wanted to make it a daily habit, but often my feeble efforts included little more than reading my Bible for a few minutes before going to sleep at night (or perhaps I should say, until I couldn’t keep my eyes open and could barely pay attention to what I was reading). But over time, I came to see the value in beginning the day with the Lord. There is something about the dark and calm
quietness of those early hours that sets a beautiful stage to seek His face and cultivate an intimate communion with Him. And the overall tone of our thoughts, attitudes, and activities in the morning seems to lay a foundation for the remainder of the day. As E.M Bounds said, “He who fritters away the early morning, its opportunity and freshness, in other pursuits than seeking God will make poor headway seeking Him the rest of the day.” 57
sa walk
By the time I was in high school, God began to grow an earnest desire in myheart to wake up early and spend a solid amount of time with Him before jumping into the busyness of the day. Unfortunately, my fervent resolve to change my routine was not enough to make it easy. Several times I overslept or fell back asleep after hitting the snooze button. And on most of the days when I did get out of bed, sleepiness usually overpowered any hint of alertness. But by the enabling grace of God, I continued to discipline myself, and after a while I was jumping out of bed as soon as my alarm clock went off. Getting alone with God first thing became an essential part of my day, and if I missed it, I felt the loss. Though there were still times when I fell asleep in the chair while trying to pray, God patiently trained me, and the snooze button was no longer the threat it used to be. The early morning hours became a favorite part of the day, and I was always eager for those times to become more and more focused and fruitful. However, I began to notice that I often woke up with what could be described as a “black cloud” over my soul. It wasn’t mere sleepiness, but something deeper that caused a sort of gloom to come over me. Rather
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than entering into sweet, unhindered communion with God, I felt like He was distant and unhappy with me. I felt guilty, and was unable to perceive His smile. Why don’t I wake up more joyful? I thought. Why do I find it so hard to sense His delight when I come before Him? Is He mad at me?
Getting alone with God first thing became an essential part of my day... As I battled through this “downcast spirit” tendency, the Lord began to open my eyes to what was hindering that first-thing-in-the-morning joy: disobedience. It wasn’t that I was living in outright, shocking rebellion toward God, and the desire for my life to be pleasing to Him was sincere. But I was not always living in such a way that I could get into bed each night with the peaceful assurance that I had faithfully followed the leading of the Spirit that day - even in the smallest of matters. And when morning came around, that resistance to the Spirit was lingering in the air, stealing my peace, disrupting my joy, and creating a wall between me and God.
unhindered intimacy
with Him
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A beautiful, joy-filled romance with God is always marked by a pattern of daily, moment-by-moment obedience. A beautiful, joy-filled romance with God is always marked by a pattern of daily, moment-by-moment obedience. It is an obedience that does not question or hesitate, but simply acts; and it is an obedience that not only follows the clear commands in God’s word, but also responds to the gentle nudging of His Spirit throughout the day. This perpetual response to the Father’s guidance is the pathway to unhindered intimacy with Him. We see this very truth in Psalm 32. Though we do not know for sure what particular occasion brought David to write this Psalm, it is clear that sin in his life had created a felt barrier between him and God. He writes, “When I kept silent, my bones grew old through my groaning all the day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my vitality was turned into the drought of summer” (Psalm 32:3-4). 60
David was not waking up with a joyful spirit (or even going to bed with one!); rather, he was absolutely miserable and spent his days in heaviness rather than a happy sense of God’s presence. Oswald Chambers sums it up well in My Utmost for His Highest: “Any problem that comes between God and myself springs out of disobedience.” But by the same token, every act of obedience fuels the fire of our love relationship with the Lord, and brings with it the joy of heaven. David certainly found this
to be true when He turned to the Lord, confessed his sin, and made things right with Him (see vs. 5). The last two verses of Psalm 32 show clearly show that David had discovered the great joy there was to be found in a life of obedience: “Many sorrows shall be to the wicked; but he who trusts in the LORD, mercy shall surround him. Be glad in the LORD and rejoice, you righteous; and shout for joy, all you upright in heart” (Psalm 32:10-11).
... every act of obedience fuels the fire of our love relationship with the Lord, and brings with it the joy of heaven. Truly, if we are walking daily with open ears to the Lord’s commands and a surrendered readiness to walk as He leads, we ought to be some of the happiest people alive! Just look at what Scripture says elsewhere about such a life:
“The righteous shall be glad in the LORD, and trust in Him. And all the upright in heart shall glory” (Psalm 64:10) “Surely the righteous shall give thanks to Your name; the upright shall dwell in Your presence.” (Psalm 140:13) “Happy is the man who is always reverent, but he who hardens his heart will fall into calamity” (Prov. 28:14) 61
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“If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.” (John 15:10-11) A life of obedience is a life of much joy - a full joy that is not diminished with the dawning of a new day. We can surely be thankful that we serve a God whose mercies are new every morning, and is quick to forgive us when we confess our mistakes to Him, humbly ask for His forgiveness, and turn to walk in the right way (see Lam. 3:22-23 and Psalm 32:5). But we must also remember that God jealously longs to be in a pure, unobstructed love relationship with us, and thus He faithfully instructs us down to even the smallest of details, intending for this sweetest of unions to be perfected and uninterrupted as we grow up to maturity in Him. May we allow the searchlight of His Spirit to shine upon our lives, that we might come into His presence with blameless hearts and there discover the fullness of joy every day, every moment - and every morning!
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A life of obedience is a life
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Arrayed in
Beautiful Virtue
by Amy Meyers
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rowing up, I had always viewed the Proverbs 31 woman as an unattainable ideal, rather than something I could ever actually live out. But when God gripped my heart at the age of 17, and gave me a vision for beautiful femininity, I began to see this poetic chapter as a blueprint for God’s version of womanhood. It was possible, and I wanted so desperately to see it become reality in my life. This amazing woman has nearly every desirable Christ-like attribute that a female could wish to possess. I remember asking myself, How does she do it? To me it seemed completely impossible for any human to reach this standard of complete purity, tireless diligence, biblical wisdom, and unrelenting generosity - and I was right. The bait that always tempted me growing up was the desire to simply “put on” these virtues as I would a cardigan sweater. I wanted to just adorn my outer life with them, so that those godly character traits would mark my existence. But becoming a true woman of God, fashioned after His perfect pattern, cannot be accomplished by mere outward effort - it can only be done through the heavenly work of Jesus Christ in the heart.
Augustine said, “If you plan to build a tall house of virtues, you must first lay deep foundations of humility.” This
was precisely my error as a zealous 17-year-old, eager to instantly become the perfect picture of a Christ-built woman. I wanted everything to happen overnight and for the change to be outwardly visible before the inside was fully developed. I was trying to build my life around virtues rather than Christlike virtue. But since then, my Jesus has faithfully revealed a few not-so-hidden secrets of Scripture to me about the true source of a virtuous life.
Secret #1 - it starts in the heart
Virtues are the fruit, while virtue lies within the tree itself. And if the tree is not thriving from the roots, it will remain barren despite its determined attempts to produce the fruit it was made to bear. Sure, the twig-like, half-dead orange tree could tape some oranges on its bare branches and make itself look more like it should. But the truth is, unless the
Virtuous fruits only flow from a virtuous heart and that is something Jesus alone can shape.
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good fruit” (Matt. 7:18 ESV). If we are not genuinely virtuous on the inside, it will be utterly impossible for us to produce any of the virtues we admire in the Proverbs 31 woman. Virtuous fruits only flow from a virtuous heart and that is something Jesus alone can shape.
Godly fear is only born
when one gets a real glimpse of Almighty God, the Holy One. So, rather than trying to say the right things, serve in the right ways, and do everything I could to appear virtuous, I began to seek the Lord, asking Him to mold and form my heart after His pattern. Once He has been given complete control and is the substance of what fills our hearts, He will be the very virtue that pours forth from our lives. A virtuous life is the evidence of Christ within.
fruit flows from a healthy, vibrant core, the results will only be a counterfeit, nothing more than a propped-up, falsified version of the real thing. As Jesus said, “A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear 66
Secret #2 - humility is key Proverbs 31:30 refers to this lady as, “a woman who fears the LORD.” Not only does she have the power of Christ within, bringing forth such heavenly fruit in her life, but she also fears Him.
“Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.’ Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates.”
PROVERBS 31:28-31 Godly fear is only born when one gets a real glimpse of Almighty God, the Holy One. In light of His awesome power and searing whiteness, this woman has gained a right view of herself; not a selfdeprecating mentality, but a true and honest evaluation of her lowness and nothingness apart from God’s perfect holiness. Such is the “deep foundations of humility” that Augustine was talking about. Regardless of our desire, determination, or decided efforts to emulate the life we read about in this beautiful chapter, our every attempt will fail unless we first realize our desperate need for Jesus, and our inability to do anything without Him as our supply. This woman does not congratulate herself on the good deeds she does, the wise counsel she gives, or the wonderful way she runs her home. Rather, the chapter clearly states whose lips would 67
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be uttering any such compliments: Her humble heart and beautiful life go hand in hand. If she made it a point to talk about every single thing she did for someone else or constantly voiced how busy she was serving her family, her “others-focused” actions and words would suddenly become tainted and show an unattractive self-centeredness rather than a sweet selflessness. Humility truly is the foundation for a life of virtue.
Secret #3 - love is the motive A commentator once wrote of the Proverbs 31 woman, “Her heart is full of another world, even when her hands are most busy about this world.” Undeniably, this woman is a dedicated doer - as verse 27 says, she “does not eat the bread of idleness” (Prov. 31:27). However, while she is diligently “doing” for others and faithfully managing her household, she is also very aware that this earthly realm is not her home - her heart is abiding in the heavenly while her hands are occupied with the earthly. He has completely captivated her, and she dwellson thoughts of Him, with sweet songs of praise on her lips, while doing the work before her. Every task is done as worship unto her King.
She so loves her Lord, and from that well-spring of affection and adoration, flows her obedience, servant’s heart, and willingness to follow wherever He leads. Jesus said, “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matt. 12:34). By the same token, out of the abundance of the heart, the life speaks. Whatever is the consumption of our hearts will be the mark of our lives. If Christ is our sole passion, pursuit, and purpose, then He will be the substance of our words, actions, and attitudes. In ourselves we have no virtue at all, but Jesus is virtue itself. And with His precious life at the core of our own, we will truly discover what it means to be virtuous women - fashioned after His perfect pattern for the glory of His perfect name.
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If Christ is our sole passion, pursuit, and purpose, then He will be the substance of our words, actions, and attitudes.
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Meet Sarah
common life
SISTER OF THE
Q: When did you come to Christ and choose to live fully set- apart for Him? The Lord Jesus Christ awakened me to my need for Him when I was very young, probably five or six. I was blessed to have parents who loved Him and taught me Truth from a young age. I remember sitting in the living room, and feeling a weight of sin. I knew I needed Him. I do not remember the words of my mouth, but only the cry of my heart, and He answered that prayer. I immediately felt His presence and a sense of peace; my burden was gone. During my adolescent years, I went through a great inward struggle. I literally felt pulled in two different directions. The Spirit within me was pulling me toward Himself, and part of me longed to go with Him, but there was a definite rebellious side of me that was pushing me away from both Him and my parents. By God’s grace, He brought me through that trial and I submitted to my parents’ authority.
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In college I pursued a degree in nursing and during this time I was pushed out of my spiritual comfort zone. I joined the Navigators, a collegiate ministry at my school, and with others learned how to share my faith with total strangers on campus. This was a time of great growth for me as I learned the incredible joy that comes with publicly identifying with Christ and unashamedly sharing His Truth. I started to develop an intense passion for the Gospel, and I knew no matter where I ended up in life, I wanted to be living for Him. I finished nursing school and started working for Children’s Hospital as an RN. Even though I loved my job, I felt directionless and like something was missing. I had ever-so-subtly slipped away from my First Love. Around this time I read Rees Howells Intercessor for the first time, and God moved mightily in my life. There is a part in the book where Rees has to give up all rights to himself and completely abandon himself to God in order to receive the deeper blessing. God was pressing on
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me and I knew He was asking for the same thing. This was no light or easy consecration. This was everything, and I knew it. I spent a few days praying and trying as best I knew how to count the full cost. Was I willing to do anything the Lord asked of me, no matter the cost? God had brought me to places of surrender in the past, many times, but this was something else; this was something much deeper and more complete, and part of me trembled before it. However, by His grace, He brought me to the place of willingness. I had experienced enough of the emptiness that comes from living for me, and I wanted my life to count for Him. Q: What have been some of the greatest challenges and joys in living as a set-apart young woman? I have to make a daily choice to die to myself and live for His glory. This is difficult because it means laying all of me, even good desires and dreams, on the altar, that He might flow unhindered through me. This is painful to my flesh. Another challenge has been learning how to labor in faith. It takes work to believe, a real exertion of soul. My belief in Christ cannot be based on how I feel but on the truth of His Word. And sometimes I feel condemned and weak. Faith is not a passive thing but an active, violent holding on against all hope. The enemy’s number one goal is to get me to look at myself for the solution instead of unceasingly gazing upon Jesus for everything. Finally, it is challenging to endure being absent from the Lord in body. My heart is with Him and I long for His return; I long to see His face. Jesus is my joy! Truly, His love is better than life. I can abandon my life to Him, count it loss, and hate it, because I gain Him. I was made for Him, and my heart is unsatisfied until it is enraptured with Him
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alone. Oh, to feast on Jesus is the greatest thing. Knowing about Him is wonderful, but knowing Him, being one with Him in Spirit, is the highest bliss imaginable on this earth. He blesses me so richly through His love, and He wants me to abide in His love always by loving Him. And how do I love Him? By obeying His commandments, out of a desire to bring Him glory and to bless His heart. And what are His commandments? To love others as He loves me. Q: What is one thing you desire the women of your generation to know? The path to knowing Jesus begins with the fear of God. The fear of God is to care only about what He thinks, and to tremble before His Word. Do not diminish His majesty by remaking Him into a god you can handle, a god that fits your ideas of what god should be. Instead, read the Word to know Him. Allow God to define Himself, and accept what He says even when your mind cannot grasp it. He is so much bigger than our minds’ ability to comprehend. And when we diminish one of His attributes, we end up serving a god of our own imagination,
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which is idolatry. There are many teachers and authors who write about God’s love, but they diminish His holiness. The path to walking with Him in intimacy is marked by walking in repentance. He is always right and you must bend to Him, not Him to you. You exist for Him, not Him for you. And so when the Holy Spirit brings conviction, don’t justify your sin but confess and forsake it. Truly, His mercy and compassion is richly bestowed on those who fear Him, who tremble at His Word. In the Psalms, David says, “…Thy gentleness has made me great” (Psalm 18:35 KJV). And I have found this to be an amazing truth. God has been so gentle and longsuffering with me. But to those who scorn Him, He is far from being found.
The path to knowing Jesus begins with the fear of God. Q: Tell us about your recent trip to Africa and how God led you there. During my last semester at Ellerslie, we were studying restricted nations, where it is illegal to be a Christian. God placed on us a burden to pray for the advancement of the Gospel in these countries. After learning of one country where Christianity was not only illegal but almost nonexistent, God gave me a specific burden to pray. One day a brother was giving a devotional on what it meant to be a living sacrifice for the Lord, and God pressed me heavily, asking me if I was willing to go to this country even if it meant my physical death. I wrestled with that question for the afternoon. There was nothing in me naturally that was attracted to this place. By His grace, He led me to that place of willingness and I surrendered. I waited on Him for a word of confirmation. I was willing;
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now would He send me? About a month later, God confirmed to me that I was to physically go to this country. However, I had no idea how. Through a friend, I was connected with a woman who had lived in the country. I met her over email and found out she was going on a short term trip after Christmas (2011) and another one in May of 2012. I first assumed that I would go with her in May, as I had negative dollars in my account, and time was short for obtaining a visa. However, I realized that I needed to actually seek God and see what He thought, rather than just going with my own understanding. And He led me to go after Christmas, which to me seemed like walking on water. But the Lord is always faithful to provide, and I received my visa in eighteen days. The trip was an amazing adventure, traveling to a restricted nation by myself, having never actually met the woman I was meeting there. I experienced a very strong sense of God’s protection over me during
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this trip. I was there for only two weeks, but during this time I followed around my new friend, and learned all I could about the culture and the condition of the church. I kept waiting for the Lord to show me how
...the Lord is always faithful to provide... I was to come back in the future, but on this subject He was silent. Instead, He spoke to me about the need for prayer. The only thing that will pull down strongholds and advance His Gospel is fervent intercessory prayer. Q: What was one of the most impacting experiences you had there? While in Africa, I had the opportunity to participate in a prayer meeting with other foreign believers. This was impacting because I got to share my burden for God to raise up intercessors for this country. I also got to encourage my brothers and sisters to know and stand firm in their position in Christ. The devil cannot stop the forward progression of the kingdom if God’s people know their position in Him, and know how to pray from that position of authority in the heavenly places. God has taught me to see things from His perspective instead of mine. “The earth is the LORD’s, and the fullness thereof; the world and they that dwell therein” (Psalm 24:1). Every inch of this globe belongs to Him and was made by Him and for Him. But the people He made to know and worship Him have become useless for the purpose of
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their creation. They are in rebellion against the Most High and fit only for destruction. But God in His infinite love gave His Son to redeem people and make them fit for worship, by allowing them to partake of the life and merit of Jesus. God has taught me that He is greatly grieved by the state of the lost, and the redemption of one single soul is of great value to Him. He takes no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but calls all men everywhere to repent and look to Him for salvation. He is looking for men and women with whom He can share His heart and His grief for the lost. He is looking for people who are willing to abandon their bodies to Him to be spent however He sees fit. The only reason to go to the unreached is because Jesus Christ took the nails for them, and we go for His sake, out of love for Him. Q: In the last few years, how has God shaped your perspective on singleness? As a twenty-eight year old woman I have been taught much in this area. When I was in my younger twenties, I went through a period of
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time where singleness was very difficult for me. Subconsciously I was waiting to be married until I really started living my life. Even in that state, the Lord was so gracious and gentle with me. I remember one night when I was on a walk and pouring out my heart to Him, and He met me there in a powerful way. He spoke to me quite clearly and showed me that the longing I was feeling was what He felt for His bride. And He was waiting with patient, yet longing anticipation for when the Father would send Him to collect her. Oh, my singleness was an opportunity to know Him, and to grow in love for Him. After my complete surrender, things were better. My King became my one pursuit, and His love was my portion. In reality, my single state was and is a great gift from the Lord. I have learned to be satisfied in Him alone; I have tasted of His love and truly it is the best wine. Loving Him in return is my joy! Yes, there are times when it is more difficult for me, but I have learned to offer up the sacrifice of thanksgiving for this gift. He has also shown me that marriage is not some cherry on top of the cake; it is not just some reward we get for being set-apart. Marriage is a way to receive more of Jesus. All the gifts He gives us, including friends, marriage, and singleness are ways of
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receiving more of Him. So all of life becomes the pursuit of one thing, one person: Jesus! It is not wrong to have desires for a husband, but those desires are one more thing to be repeatedly poured out upon the head of our King. He has taught me that those desires are from Him, and they do not need to be quenched or killed, but instead He wants to be the fulfillment of all my desires. Recently, He has been teaching me about hope. In the Bible, the word hope means to anticipate with longing, but also with strong, confident expectation that something is coming. He wants me to longingly anticipate His coming. This is my joy - He is coming for me, and when He comes I want to be ready. And so this hope fuels every action of mine down here on earth. And every bit of suffering and endurance that I experience I can rejoice in! Why? Because I know that suffering
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is preparing me for my King. Truly, our lives are to be about one thing: pursuing to know Jesus more and more. As we make Him our one pursuit, we can entirely trust that He will give us the perfect gifts that He has for us. He loves to bless his own with gifts, but every single one is simply more of Him.
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A FEW OF SARAH’S FAVORITE THINGS
peanut butter chocolate milkshake, camp fires, rushing rivers, playing guitar and singing praises to Jesus, hiking in the mountains, watching the sunrise, spending time with my family, chasing my nephew, tea or coffee in the evening, laughter, fellowshipping with girl friends, being with Jesus in everything I do
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Leslie’s Blog!
Marriage & mamahood 2012 ANNUAL SETAPARTGIRL CONFERENCE
Moments from my life.
Our setapartgirl conference this year was wonderful. It is incredibly uplifting to see so many passionate-for-Christ young women gathered in one place! And as an added blessing, this year we had over 120 locations around the country and world hosting the event via simulcast! One thing that has always been very important to me is that our setapartgirl conferences never be based on emotional hype – as women’s events so often can be. When you gather so many females into once place, it is pretty much impossible to avoid emotion, however, what I have seen at our conferences is emotion for the right reasons... CLICK HERE READ THE REST
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The Lost Art of True Beauty
take it deeper
order now! In today’s sex-obsessed society, pop culture’s idea of feminine beauty seems to be all about looking like the hottest models, movie stars, or pop singers, but the end results are often tragic - overwhelming insecurity, eating disorders, and sexual promiscuity. This book presents a whole different vision for feminine loveliness as God intended it to be - the breathtaking radiance of a young woman who has been transformed by Christ from the inside out. This book offers a lot of practical advice about how to: • • • •
showcase Christ’s beauty in the way you dress, act, and live overcome insecurity and see yourself as God sees you become attractive to the right kind of guy build your femininity on God’s values instead of the world’s
The Lost Art of True Beauty will lead you on a life-changing journey to become a woman of feminine loveliness, inner radiance, and timeless grace!
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e l z z a r F Becoming a Joyful (Not Frenzied) Mother of Children by Leslie Ludy
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he other day I was peacefully driving down the highway when suddenly three-year-old Kipling (a.k.a. Dubber) began hollering in great alarm from the backseat. I glanced into my rear view mirror and saw that both he and his car seat had somehow toppled sideways. Dubber was tipped almost completely over – leaning precariously on his side and starring out the window with wide eyes and a horrified expression. In reality, Dubber was not in immediate danger, but to him the situation truly felt like the end of the world. It was about three minutes before I was finally able to safely pull off to the side of the road and straighten things out. During those three minutes, though I tried to reassure him that he would be okay, he kept yelling out the words, “Mama! I can’t handle it! I just can’t handle it!” Dubber sounded (and looked) so hilarious that I couldn’t help but laugh, though I really did feel bad for the poor little guy. His world had taken an unexpected turn – and he just did not know how to deal with the sudden stress. 86
As a mother of four small children, I can relate to that feeling. There are many moments when I am tempted to proclaim, “I can’t handle it! I just can’t handle it!” Like last night, when – after a crazy, non-stop, exhausting day – Eric and I finally got the children all tucked into bed, and then had to change three (count them, three!) messy pull-ups in the space of fifteen minutes. Which meant going through the entire process of dressing, tucking in, and saying good-night prayers three extra times. Or the time a few months ago when Hudson spilled paint all over the carpet, Harper had an accident on the hardwood floor, Kip had a diaper
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people are simultaneously yelling “Mommy!” and relentlessly demanding my attention and help, completely oblivious to the fact that my hands are totally full already. If my nerves are already on edge, it can easily feel like mob of wild monkeys closing in all around me. And those are the moments when my emotions begin to scream, “I can’t handle it!” or “I just want to clean up the kitchen in peace!”
blow-out (with no wipes to be found anywhere in the house), and Avy threw up twice – all within a one-hour period of time.
But I have found that the “I can’t handle it” moments present the greatest opportunity for victory in my mothering. Not victory in my own strength or will-power, but victory in the strength of Jesus Christ. In my weakness, His strength can be made perfect. But I must allow that supernatural work of grace to be accomplished in my soul by yielding to His Spirit instead of giving in to the “frazzle” of the moment.
There are at least five or six times in every day – usually in my busiest moments – when four needy little
I have also learned that those “I can’t handle it” feelings must immediately be countered with the “God CAN handle it”
“. . . I can call upon the name of the Lord, knowing that with Him all things are possible.”
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attitude. Without the supernatural grace and strength of God in my soul, I would quickly become a frazzled, exhausted, stressed-out, emotional mom yelling at my children all day long, and constantly looking for ways to “escape” my responsibilities at home. But when I lean upon the strength of God to say “no” to the frazzle and “yes” to His peace that passes all understanding, everything changes. This does not mean that there are no longer stressful moments in my
day. Rather, it means that I now handle those stressful moments according to God’s pattern and not my own. Instead of turning inward and feeling sorry for myself, lashing out in frustration, or throwing up my hands in defeat and allowing chaos to reign, I can call upon the name of the Lord, knowing that with Him all things are possible. He and He alone can grant me the grace to handle any and every parenting challenge that comes my way with strength and dignity. Mothering is not easy. It never will be. But it can be victorious and triumphant, despite the constant demands and complications that our children bring into our lives. Here are some practical things that help me replace motherhood “frazzle” with the peace of God:
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Meditate on Truth
When life takes a hectic turn or when my flesh begins to protest against the constant demands of my children, sometimes a simple meditation on God’s reality can turn everything 88
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around. I often remind myself of the verse, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” (Phil. 4:13) whenever my emotions are screaming the opposite message. When I dwell upon this remarkable promise, I realize that I really have no excuse to whine, complain, or give in to the “I can’t handle it” feelings. It causes me to rise up like an athlete and run that extra mile (in God’s strength) even when I don’t feel like it. I also listen to audio Scripture on my iPod nearly every day. It grounds me in Truth and reminds me of the incredible wealth of strength and provision that is available to me at every moment – all I must do is ask and believe!
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Recruit Some Help
Often we, as mothers, are convinced that we must do everything alone. But when we take that one-woman-show attitude into our parenting we miss out on the incredible beauty of the marriage relationship and the Body of Christ, working together to serve one another. Husbands are often far more willing to help out than we realize. Usually they just need to be asked for help – in a clear, calm, non-accusing way. Approaching your husband with the attitude, Get off the couch and come help me, why don’t you!? probably will not garner very
much positive response. But appealing to him in a loving, respectful way most likely will have great results.
“Don’t be afraid to ask for help.” Eric is one of the most helpful husbands around, however, he still needs me to give him clear direction on what must be done in the moment. If I say, “Could you please get the kids ready for bed?” he has a hard time knowing exactly what needs to be done. But if I say, “Would you mind putting the kids into their pjs and brushing their teeth?” it gives him a clearer focus. I usually go so far as to lay the pjs out for him, because for most men (Eric included) the task of searching through a child’s closet to find the right clothing in the right size can be completely overwhelming! Even if your husband is unable to help (or if he is out of the picture completely) you can pray for other people in your life who will step in and lend a helping hand. Most of us have parents, neighbors, or friends who would be happy to offer assistance in areas where we feel overwhelmed. Do not be afraid to ask for help (in a reasonable way of course). This does not mean turning your children over to someone else to raise so you can live a 89
life of ease and leisure. But swapping babysitting with a trusted friend (you watch her kids one afternoon, then she watches yours the next week), sharing a cooking day with your mom, or hiring a young woman from church to help you with laundry are all simple things that can make a world of difference to a harried mom. Even with Eric’s help around the house, I still have a rotation of wonderful young women who come to my home nearly every day and provide support to me as I am running my household and raising my children. God has provided a community around us. If we can swallow our pride and ask for help where help is needed, it goes a long way to combat the frazzle of busy motherhood!
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Clean the Kitchen
I remember reading some practical advice several years ago from a woman who was attempting to write a novel from her home, and how she accomplished such a monumental task. I don’t remember most of the article, except for one point she made: “For an immediate sense of order and control, clean the kitchen thoroughly.” It sounded almost too simple, and yet in my own life I have found this principle to be absolutely true. When life feels frenzied and out90
of-control, taking time to clean the kitchen thoroughly, make the beds, and de-clutter the house can transform my entire perspective. When the house is clean and orderly, I suddenly find new strength to face whatever situation I happen to be dealing with. But when the house is cluttered and messy, every challenge suddenly seems about ten times larger than it really is. Even if you feel that you don’t have time to clean
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everything, just setting the timer for 15 minutes and blitzing through the house to straighten things up can make a world of difference. And while you are at it, play some uplifting worship music or audio Scripture which will help to change your perspective even more!
Remember that God has called you to be a joyful mother of children – not a frazzled, frenzied mother of children (see Psalm 113:9). And whatever He calls us to, He equips us for. So, do not buy the lie that motherhood is chaos. Choose to embrace God’s pattern for parenting and rely on His supernatural strength alone, and you will find that He will carry you through each day on eagles’ wings.
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the ludy kids are saying and doing
Avonlea, age 3
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The other day she was about to sneeze and announced, “I have a ‘bless you’ in my nose!” Some big news in Avy’s life: she turned three on June 21 – it is amazing to think that my “baby” is now a little girl! Avy continues to be a spunky little monkey who loves to dangle from anything high. She will climb to the top of the highest slide, monkey bars, playhouse, or anything she can find, and just before she prepares to let go she will say, “This is gonna be scary and fun!” Hmmm...do we have a little thrill-seeker on our hands?
Kipling, age 3
His biggest news is that he is brave enough to float in the big pool all by himself with a life vest on! At first, he was terrified. But once he realized that he would not sink to the bottom, he started zooming all around the pool like a pro, with a huge grin on his face the whole time. He likes to go barefoot in the backyard and will sometimes get splinters. When he does, he says, “I have a throat in my foot!” It took me a while to realize that this means: “I have a thorn in my foot!”
Harper, age 5
She watched a movie about Babe Ruth called Everyone’s Hero and now has become a baseball fan. She has a bat that she likes to sleep with, and she also has a baseball that she drew a face on, because the ball in the movie has a face and can talk. She asks me daily if she can go out and play “base” (meaning “baseball”) so I’m wondering if this is going to be a long-term love for her. She is dainty and delicate and yet she has a little tomboy streak!
Hudson, age 7
At Avy’s birthday party, he had a balloon and drink stand. He made a sign that read: “Bloons ann drinks, all free.” And he greatly enjoyed “selling” everyone their drinks at no charge, and tying balloons on people’s wrists. He is always coming up with a way to do business with people, even if he doesn’t technically make money in the process. He has big plans for our backyard. He wants to turn it into a theme park that will rival Disneyland, and he’s shown me some elaborate plans for making it happen. I never have to tell him to “dream big” – sometimes I wonder if I should tell him to dream a little smaller! But surely, God will do big things through this little boy!
Annie Wesche, Creative Director Correspondence from Haiti
The
Haiti Letters
with love
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THE HAITI LETTERS number one | June 16, 2012 My dear friends, Hello, from the sunny shores of Haiti! I’ve sat down to write this letter so many times, each time finding myself overwhelmed by the task of explaining just how I came to move to the coast of Haiti, and sharing with you some of the most incredible and powerful experiences of my life, which have taken place in my first days here. So, here it is - a small, nutshell attempt just to get things started. In spite of my delayed and “inadequate pen,” I’ve been so longing to share with you what following Jesus to Haiti has led me to find! A little over a month ago now, I took a long-awaited trip to visit friends in Ouanaminthe, Haiti. My heart became further gripped with a love for the people, and I couldn’t get my fill of the children who were everywhere, all longing for their own portion of love. It was deeply impacting for me, but those stories will have to be for another time. Two days after arriving back home to Colorado, our ministry heard of a situation far on the other side of Haiti needing immediate help - two vulnerable, abandoned babies in need of full-time nurturing and a spiritual advocate for their lives. The very moment we heard of the need, I knew that God was going to have me go, but even in my own mind it sounded unrealistic. I had just come back to Windsor fully prepared to dive into the Ellerslie and setapartgirl tasks that were waiting for me, and there was no small list of ministry projects. But after prayerfully considering this pressing need God had set before us, it was clear that I was the one to go. I had the full support of the staff and my family to step forward, delegate my main roles on the home front (to some extraordinary, given people!), take some of my design work with me, and enter into a season of “mommy life,” loving on two little punkins. For the sake of time, let’s jump ahead one month. I’m now in Haiti, living on the beautiful Caribbean coast in a humble Haitian apartment with two 95
THE HAITI LETTERS number one | June 16, 2012 wee babes. I look forward to sharing more with you about these two little preshy-pies and the many other children I’ve been meeting since day one of this adventure. This is a little slice of heaven, and though my life became radically different in a matter of days, I would desire nothing else than to be right where Jesus has led me for such a time as this.
miracle baby Before I close this first letter, I have to tell you one beautiful and miraculous story. (You know I have to tell at least one!) This is a story that has changed my life and acquainted me even more intimately with the power of our almighty, faithful Jesus. On my second day here, in the later part of the day, the director of the ministry asked if I wanted to see their latest “rescue.” We went into the living room to find a wee baby with the look of death upon her small, wounded frame. Never had I seen something up close that so broke my heart. But in that first moment when I felt I could crumble into tears, a resolute certainty suddenly flowed into my heart to hold me steadfast upon the Lord. The hospital had no hope for this little baby girl, so the local judge had sent her to the creche simply to die. The baby was so dehydrated that her fontanelle was sunken in. She had scabies. There were obvious signs of abuse, abandonment, and malnutrition. She had open wounds on her feet. Her breathing was labored, inconsistent, and fading away. Her body was limp. And in that first encounter, I watched her eyes roll back and her breathing stop. I prayed, “No. Jesus, please keep this baby alive.” As she struggled to live, I sent an urgent request for prayer to friends and family back home. At the same time we were battling for this little one’s life, the setapartgirl’s conference was in full swing and Leslie had just finished her message on Sacred Claim - standing for the least. Eric shared this urgent prayer need from the stage, and everyone participating in the conference - both in Windsor CO and all around the world via simulcast - joined us 96
may 26th, 2012
The night she arrived Before I close this first letter, I have to tell you one beautiful and miraculous story. (You know I have to tell at least one!) A story that has changed my life and acquainted me even more intimately with the power of our almighty, faithful Jesus. On my second day here, in the
later part of the day, the director of the ministry asked if I
wanted to see their latest “rescue.� We went into the living room
to find a wee baby with the look
of death upon her small, wounded
frame. Never had I seen something up close that so broke my heart. But in that first moment when I felt I may crumble into tears, an resolute certainty suddenly flowed into my heart to 97
Before I close this first letter, I have to tell you one beautiful and miraculous story. (You know I have to tell at least one!) A story that has changed my life and acquainted me even more intimately with the power of our almighty, faithful Jesus. On my second day here, in the
later part of the day, the director of the ministry asked if I
wanted to see their latest “rescue.� We went into the living room
to find a wee baby with the look
of death upon her small, wounded
one week later
frame. Never had I seen something up close that so broke my heart. But in that first moment when I felt I may crumble into tears, an resolute certainty suddenly flowed into my heart to
98
THE HAITI LETTERS number one | June 16, 2012 in fervent prayer for this little life that was hanging in the balance. Those of us in the room with her all laid hands upon her frail body, prayed, and saw her lungs rise. We prayed over her, declaring who she was to Jesus and what His plans were for her, and her eyes opened again. Her priceless gaze locked onto mine and I knew then that I would never be the same. We watched Jesus touch a life that had nothing left in the natural but to die, and He worked a miracle before our very eyes. Over the achingly long hours that followed, I paced and prayed. She took fluids slowly - ever so slowly, her breathing still boasting the frailty of life in Haiti for these small treasures who are abandoned each day. Every time her breathing would slow down and her eyes begin to roll back, I would say to her, “Baby girl, you’re so loved, so safe, so precious,” and then ask God to give her a fighting spirit. Her eyes would open and once more look into mine. As night came, I was unable and unwilling to sleep. With my own two babies sound asleep, and miracle baby in the living room just outside my room, I went out and held her, tucking her just under my chin. For hours I sang to her, whispered prayers into her ear, and cried. I cried not from fear, but because of the gift of confidence God had given that she would live, and for His faithfulness and great love to both of us. Now four weeks later, little miracle baby (who I’ve nicknamed Nessa, meaning miracle of God, holy and pure) is smiling and healing slowly. Oh, that you could have been there to see what I saw! But that’s what witnesses are for, to tell the story of what God has done. And, fortunately for you, I’m a witness whose camera wasn’t too far away. Since Nessa and those first few days here, I’ve watched God restore life to another dying baby, cuddled several children brought in from the street, and held two young girls who were visited and then rejected by their pending adoptive family. Heartbreaking and hopeful - this is just the beginning of an incredible adventure. I cannot boast enough in the faithfulness and 99
THE HAITI LETTERS number one | June 16, 2012 power of God! Be it here in Haiti, in Colorado, or upon any other square inch of this expansive, diverse world - He never fails His children. Well, I hope you are irreversibly affected. And if your heart has been touched, I want to ask you to stand with me in prayer for the babies down here in Haiti. God has put two in my immediate charge, but four others have also come into my life who are in need of Christian soldiers to stand for them. In the coming letters I’ll introduce you to each one, and as many more as He sees fit. Oh, friends, there is no greater joy than Jesus! No surer Captain than the One who commands the waves and sets the course of the wind. No more ready or fitting answer to every single need in life than the one who is All in all. No richer love than the Love of Christ, for He is Love. And no more fulfilling life than the one that is wrapped up, given to, filled up, poured out, and walking in Him. Remembering you with great joy. Wherever this letter finds you, remain steadfast, immoveable, your gaze ever fixed on Jesus. “You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Psalm 16:11). His and yours, with great joy,
Annie
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Dependency is a theme acknowledged every sin easy one. It leads us to co is normal and popular i believing and obeyin God al
Before I close this first letter, I have to tell you one beautiful and miraculous story. (You know I have to tell at least one!) A story that has changed my life and acquainted me even more intimately with the power of our almighty, faithful Jesus.
with love
On my second day here, in the
later part of the day, the director of the ministry asked if I
wanted to see their latest “rescue.� We went into the living room
to find a wee baby with the look
of death upon her small, wounded
frame. Never had I seen something up close that so broke my heart. But in that first moment for the believer that should be learned and when I felt I may crumble into ngle day, but it is admittedly not always an tears, an resolute certainty sudontinually die to self’s comfort, defying what my heart to denly flowed into in this world, and setting our sights upon ng the Word of God. And in this place, lone receives the glory. 101
photo 102 credit: Christy Osborne
a miracle happened
Blessed be the LORD God... who only doeth wondrous things. Psalm 72:18 KJV
103
The
Haiti Letters
Before I close this first letter, I have to tell you one beautiful and miraculous story. (You know I have to tell at least one!) A story that has changed my life and acquainted me even more intimately with the power of our almighty, faithful Jesus.
with love
On my second day here, in the
later part of the day, the director of the ministry asked if I
wanted to see their latest “rescue.� We went into the living room
to find a wee baby with the look
of death upon her small, wounded
frame. Never had I seen something up close that so broke my heart. But in that first moment when I felt I may crumble into 104 tears, an resolute certainty sud-
e
Before I close this first letter, I have to tell you one beautiful and miraculous story. (You know I have to tell at least one!) A story that has changed my life and acTHE HAITI LETTERS quainted me even more intinumber two | July the 1, 2012 power of our almately with mighty, faithful Jesus. My dear friends, Caution: Before you read on, it here, would only bein right tothe warn you that this On my second day
introduction may have a lasting effect upon your heart with some serious
later ramifications. part of the day, the director of the ministry asked if I
I first met Hunter while visiting a government creche, where over seventy wantedbeautiful to children, see their “rescue.” once orphans, latest are awaiting for the day they can go home withinto their forever families.living He was tucked room away in a quiet room We went the with beautiful blue walls and cheerful starbursts hanging from the ceiling. to find a wee baby the look I was drawn to this boy from thewith beginning. His magnetic eyes and radiant, innocent face met my heartstrings with a sad pull. Sad because this of death upon her small, wounded pleasing, quiet corner room was for hospice care, and Hunter was there to frame. Never had somebe snuggled and treasured as He Ilivedseen out a terminal illness - stage four thingLeukemia. up close that so broke my
heart. OurBut first meeting in was brief,that but his face stayed with moment me every day until I saw when him I again. felt What Ido may you do withcrumble a life set in front ofinto you that has been no hope by the natural world? A dying little boy.sudRight there, with tears, given an resolute certainty few who know about him or of his preciousness to Almighty God. What denlydo you flowed my heart do when youinto know this wee one’s answer of hope?to And when you know who his real Father is, his Creator, the One who is Master of the body that so cripples him?
What do you do? You say yes. Maybe not to a clear plan, but simply, “Yes, Lord, I am willing.” Willing to stand humble and insignificant, yet sure of a mighty and significant God who is Healer and Father. Yes to belief. Yes to prayer. Yes to love. 105
Jesus knows Hunter in Haiti
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THE HAITI LETTERS number two | July 1, 2012 Four years old with bright eyes, an observant mind, and a hungry lil’ heart. This little bundle (and at four years old, he is one skinny little bundle) was found abandoned just this year and brought to the Christian Creche. For two days, Hunter came to stay with me and my ministry companions, Christy and Gerda, as well as our two other wee ones, in our little Haitian haven by the sea. With every turn of his head to self-soothe, we bombarded him with kisses. With every protest to the order and newness of our home, we praised and pressed him to learn and grow. With every shriek at the pain in his body, we prayed. Hunter touched all our lives, not because of his sob-story, but because in his face and in his struggle we found a deeper knowledge of the heart of God - the Father’s heart. Hunter has other things that have declared war with his body. Hydrocephalus. Cerebral Palsy. And the fact that he has never had the physical therapy to help his little body adjust. His right side suffers in its mobility, but even in the two days of working with him, we found him challenging the odds of the natural world. By the love and mercy of the One who sees, Hunter was found, and brought into arms of hope and life, where Jesus, not the natural world, reigns. He’s one in 148 million. One life with a face and a story that forever touches me. I may not know all 148 million, but I can love and serve the ones God sets before me. That’s been the big lesson for me as I’ve been in Haiti: “...Lord, when saw we Thee an hungered, and fed Thee? or thirsty, and gave Thee drink? When saw we Thee a stranger, and took Thee in? or naked, and clothed Thee? Or when saw we Thee sick, or in prison, and came unto Thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these, my brethren, ye have done it unto Me” (Matt. 25:37-40). And you know what? I think I’m just now grasping the incredible significance in this - we have a practical, present opportunity to serve not just
107
THE HAITI LETTERS number two | July 1, 2012 the Name of Jesus, the glory of Jesus, but Jesus. Directly wash His feet. Directly give Him our undivided attention. Directly offer Him food. Directly visit with Him. Why is this only now astounding me? This is beautiful! Sweet Hunter already has a small army praying for his life and health, but there would be no real purpose in my telling you of his life if it was not so you could be a part of it. Pray for this little man and stand for the glory of Jesus to be shown on this earth in a small little orphan boy, living in an obscure caribbean town, tucked in a blue room with starbursts dangling from the ceiling. God knows Hunter in Haiti. And now you and I do, too. The doctors have given him only a few months to live, but when I look at this boy, I can’t agree with that. I see the heart of the Father, the healing power of a matchless, almighty God, and I hear the Words that boom like thunder from the pages of Scripture: “And Jesus went about...preaching the Gospel of the kingdom, and healing all manner of sickness and all manner of disease among the people” (Matt. 5:23). “But unto you that fear My Name shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in His wings” (Mal. 4:2). “...[He] Himself took our infirmities, and bare our sicknesses” (Matt. 8:17). “...I am the LORD that healeth thee” (Ex. 15:26). Our hope is to get further medical testing for lil’ Hunter and give him the best one-on-one care that is possible. But please also stand with me to pray for a miraculous healing touch upon this little boy for the glory of our great King, the Healer whom this world needs to encounter, the God of the Bible who is still the same today.
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and miraculous story. (You know I have to tell at least one!) A story that has changed my life and acquainted me even more intimately with the power of our almighty, faithful Jesus. Adventures still unfold here on these caribbean shores. He has kept me healthy and strong, and my joy only multiplies each day! I often am surprised at how at home I feel in this place, but then I remember the time I prayed long ago, when I once was a girl in bondage to anxiety and fear: On my second day here, in the “Lord, make me adaptable, ready to follow You anywhere and find myself at home there, because I am the with You.”day, the direclater part of
tor of ministry asked if Ifor And you knowthe what? God answers prayer. So will you do something
me? Remember as you live today. wanted to that see their latest “rescue.”
We went into His and yours, with great joy, the living room
Jesus lives!a wee baby with the look to forfind
of death upon her small, wounded Annie
frame. Never had I seen something up close that so broke my heart. But in that first moment when I felt I may crumble into tears, an resolute certainty suddenly flowed into my heart to
109
Should such as we fear
the unpredictable and often raging seas of life when the One who commands those very waves and guides the wind has also given the course of our ship?
We shall ever be safe with Him as Captain, and if we will but settle our hearts fixed in faith on His trustworthy guidance, we will indeed meet with grand adventure!
grand advnture
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given photography 111
OUR TEAM
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Tessa Recommends:
REES HOWELLS INTERCESSOR by Norman Grubb
There are plenty of men and women who spend their lives trying to figure out how to follow Jesus and be accepted by the world; how to walk the narrow path and keep the flesh comfortable. Rees Howells was a man who knew he must choose one or the other - and he chose God. And because he did not go halfway in that decision, his life was one that appeared utterly foolish to the world. But Rees Howells was living for another kingdom, and thus allowed the Lord to build him into a mighty man of prevailing prayer and implicit obedience, no matter the cost. The story of his triumphant life in Christ Jesus will challenge you greatly to give yourself entirely to God, with an eager expectancy for the glorious realities of heaven to come to earth through your surrendered life and will.
Lauren Recommends: MERE CHRISTIANITY by C.S. Lewis
“... if what you call your “faith” in Christ does not involve taking the slightest notice of what He says, then it is not Faith at all - not faith or trust in Him, but only intellectual acceptance of some theory about Him.” With classic clarity and wit, C. S. Lewis offers an excellent introduction to Christian apologetics. This book filled my heart with rejoicing over the unchanging nature of our God and the solidity of His Word. Prepare to be provoked to a deeper seeking of the Lord and His timeless Word as Lewis digs into the most basic, yet glorious Biblical truths. 113
“There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful than that of a continual conversation with God.” -Brother Lawrence
inthenextissue The Art of Sacred Living showcasing God’s priorities in everyday life Imperishable Beauty a warrior-poet’s definition of true beauty The Perils of Presumption letting God write a love story without confusion and impatience 114