setapart girl
LESLIE LUDY’S
MAGAZINE
Beautiful Beginnings
Lessons for a new bride,
p. 72
SERVING AS A SISTER Joyfully pouring out at home,
p. 62
GETTING TO KNOW A GUY: In a God-honoring way,
p. 38
OVERCOMING MOMMY-EXHAUSTION Practical help for rising above,
p. 84
Sister of the Common Life MEET JANA, p. 96
MAY/JUN 2013
FOUNDER’S letter
If anyone ministers, let him do it with the ability which God supplies… (1Peter 4:11a) This verse quite beautifully sums up what our team here at setapartgirl has been learning these past few months! God has carried this magazine forward despite many unusual circumstances – our Creative Director living in Haiti with unpredictable Internet, several team members moving into new and exciting seasons of life such as marriage or pregnancy, and my own busy life of managing four small children, renovating our home, and walking through a challenging and time-consuming adoption process. All of this reminds me what a gift of grace it is that this ministry continues to thrive and make an impact, despite all these challenges and obstacles. All of us here at setapartgirl are learning more and more how to fully depend upon Christ to accomplish “impossible” things! It’s far different than
tapping into human determination or willpower. Rather, it’s yielding to the Spirit of God and relying on His grace to carry us forward even when our own strength is failing. And we have found that His strength is sufficient! In the midst of our weakness, He has proven strong! There is supernatural grace available for every difficult task, every overwhelming obstacle, every impossible challenge we may face – if we go to the right source! My prayer is that this magazine issue will encourage you to lean upon His grace each day to live out the victorious, impossible life He has called you to…in each area of your life. He is faithful!
Leslie
setapartgirl
PLAYLIST FIND THESE SONGS ON
TEAM PICKS:
iTUNES
ANNIE: THE GOSPEL CHANGES EVERYTHING by Meredith Andrews MANDY: OH LORD, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL by Keith Green LAUREN: JESUS AT THE CENTER by Darlene Zschech GRACE: THE WONDER OF THE CROSS by Vicky Beeching AMELIA: NEVER ONCE by Matt Redman
LESLIE’S PICK: My three year old Avonlea Rose is fond of belting out the song WHOM SHALL I FEAR by Chris Tomlin. The other day she was singing it in Walmart, loudly proclaiming powerful Truth to all the customers around us! This song is a great reminder to turn to our Defender for protection and strength, and it’s extra-beautiful when sung by a certain curly-haired preschooler!
IN THIS
issue
84
8 72 SET APART WALK
Cultivate Your Daily Romance with Christ
20 SET APART RELATIONSHIPS Honoring God in Love and Romance
8 l Unnatural Affections
38 l Getting to Know a Guy
Guarding Against Girl Friendships that Go Too Far
In a God-Honoring Way
52 l The Gift of Parents
20 l Beautified with Salvation
SET APART FEMININITY
Explore God’s Sacred Intent for Your Life 28 l When the Time Comes
Waiting with Faith and Patience for God’s Promises
The Importance of Cherishing Your God-given Teammates
SET APART LIFESTYLE
Applying the Gospel to Everyday Life 62 l Serving as a Sister Joyfully Serving at Home
28 62
38
2 5 SET APART FAMILY
Discovering God’s Heart for Home and Family 72 l Beautiful Beginnings, Part 1 Lessons Learned in the First Season of Marriage
38 l Overcoming Mommy-Exhaustion Practical Ways to Rise Above Defeat Everyday
94 l Kiddo Spot
ineveryissue 3
setapartgirl playlist
82
Leslie’s Blog
96
Sister of the Common Life
105
Q&A
112
Recommendations
Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture is taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 2013 The Church at Ellerslie. All rights reserved.
No material from this issue may be copied, reproduced, or distributed without express written permission from The Church at Ellerslie.
ISSUE contributors
“Faith is not intelligent understanding; faith is deliberate commitment to a Person, where your see no way.� - Amy Carmichael
about leslie FOUNDER, setapartgirl
Leslie Ludy is a bestselling author and speaker with a passion for reaching her generation with the hope of Christ. She and her husband Eric have been writing and speaking together for the past eighteen years. Widely known for their bestselling classic, When God Writes Your Love Story, Eric and Leslie have become foremost voices on some of the most poignant issues facing the Church today, such as relationships, purity, holiness, and living a fully consecrated life for Christ. Together, they are the authors of eighteen books that have been translated into over a dozen languages around the world. For more about Leslie’s books, click here. Leslie and Eric are the founders and directors of Ellerslie Leadership Training based in Windsor, Colorado – an intensive discipleship training program that prepares future leaders for world-impacting Christian service, and draws men and women of all ages from around the world.
contributors Heather Cofer
Writer | Colorado
After growing up in Mongolia where her parents were missionaries, God led Heather and her husband Judah all the way to Windsor, Colorado, where they now faithfully serve as Ellerslie interns. (Read about their God-scripted love story in Heather’s article on page 52!) Whether she is teaching little ones in the Ellerslie Prep Academy, playing the piano for Sunday morning worship in church, or joining Ellerslie students to pray for the unborn, Heather’s beautifully poured-out life is a constant example to us, and we’re so thankful for her willingness to share her heart through writing.
Lydia Covey Writer | Arkansas Lydia lives with her family in Arkansas, where she runs her own business as a performing harpist, serving and blessing others through her God-given musical talent. We had the privilege to witness Lydia’s life while she was here at Ellerslie for a year, and she has truly been a display of humble servanthood, biblical femininity, and joyful delight in the Lord. We trust you will be encouraged and challenged through what the Lord has placed on her heart to share! (You’ll find Lydia’s article on page 20.)
SET APART
UNNATURAL affections
walk
GUARDING AGAINST GIRL FRIENDSHIPS THAT GO TOO FAR
“…Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones.” Romans 1:26 NIV
by LESLIE LUDY
IT
all started out so innocent. Sarah was a happy, outgoing college student and Meredith was an affectionate, funloving, witty young woman. They were drawn together because of their mutual passion for Christ and their desire to live set-apart lives for Him. They hit it off immediately and their friendship grew quickly over a period of several months. They attended church and Bible studies together, spent much of their free time together, and even became house-mates because of how much they enjoyed each other’s company. Sarah felt a deep personal connection with Meredith whenever they talked. She began to open up to her friend about past hurts, current struggles, and future dreams. They had many late-night chats where they would laugh, cry, and pray together. Meredith was always warm, caring, and empathetic – one of the best girl friends Sarah had ever known.
It all started so innocent. But gradually and subtly, Meredith began to dominate Sarah’s time. Sarah began to pull away from many of her other friends, without even realizing what she was doing. She no longer connected with her family members like she used to. And her
personal quiet times with Christ began to dwindle. Instead, she spent nearly every free moment of her time with Meredith – talking, praying, laughing, and just “doing life” together. Meredith was the one whom she confided everything to, and Meredith alone knew every minute detail of Sarah’s life. Meredith was a touchy-feely kind of girl, freely bestowing affectionate hugs upon all of her acquaintances. But Sarah received more physical affection than all Meredith’s other friends combined. When they were out in public together, Meredith would hang on Sarah’s arm or softly play with her hair. When they were sitting together for a movie or chatting with a group of friends, Meredith would stroke Sarah’s arm or cuddle close to her on the couch, resting her head on Sarah’s shoulder for long periods of time. Sarah, who was also an affectionate person, returned Meredith’s physical touches with playful fondness. Though there was not anything sexual or romantic going on between them, they were so touchy-feely with each other that other friends and acquaintances began to notice and wonder about it. The two girls were known as strong Christians. They were living an upright life and participated in Christian activities. Sarah even had a pure relationship with a young man that was headed toward
SET APART marriage. On the outside, Sarah’s friendship with Meredith seemed harmless enough.
Meredith was the one whom she confided everything to...
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But something wasn’t right. Sarah was growing spiritually, emotionally, and even physically attached to her friend in an unnatural way. Meredith’s control over Sarah became so strong that even the young man who was courting Sarah felt angry and threatened by their friendship. Meredith was taking center stage in Sarah’s life – and Sarah hardly knew it was happening. She couldn’t understand why her future husband had such a problem with her best friend. She couldn’t understand why the majority of her other
friends and family members so disliked Meredith. And she didn’t know the reason why her personal relationship with Jesus Christ seemed to be dwindling every week – even though she and Meredith spent so much time discussing spiritual things. From Sarah’s perspective, Meredith was a positive, healthy influence in her life. After all, Meredith was always talking about Jesus, always showcasing genuine love
and affection, and always providing a listening ear. What could be so wrong with a friendship based on those things? The situation finally came to a point of crisis when the young man in Sarah’s life gave her an ultimatum. “I believe God has a future for us together,” he told Sarah, “but our relationship cannot grow in a healthy way when Meredith is the center of your life. You need to make a choice.
HER PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS CHRIST SEEMED TO BE
DWINDLING EVERY WEEK...
SET APART It’s either her – or me.” Sarah was disturbed and confused. She wasn’t sure if he was being unreasonable – or if he was seeing something in her life that she couldn’t see. So she decided to take a month’s vacation, on the other side of the country, to visit her family and pray about it. She asked the young man to be patient with her while she brought it all before God. After only a few days away from Meredith, Sarah’s life began to change for the better. She suddenly had time for long, uninterrupted prayer times with Christ. For the first time in almost a year, she felt free to invest into her family relationships. And she had the ability to call many old friends and rebuild relationships with them. She began to listen to her parents’ counsel instead of filtering everything through Meredith’s influence. And she found she could think for herself again, instead of being a puppet controlled by Meredith’s opinions. As she prayed and thought about it, Sarah began to see clearly how unhealthy her friendship with Meredith had been. What have I been doing? she wondered in amazement. How could I have let another girl completely control and dominate my
walk
life? I even gave her emotional and physical affection that should have been saved for my future husband. I allowed her to pull me away from Christ.
Sarah began to see clearly how unhealthy her friendship with Meredith had been. Even though Sarah and Meredith were Christian girls and they spent countless hours talking about spiritual truths, in reality their friendship was not centered upon Jesus Christ. Rather, it was a friendship built upon the unnatural affections propagated by this world. Sarah had given Meredith a position in her life that she was never meant to have. And if Sarah didn’t do something about it, she knew her life was headed for even greater destruction. With tears of repentance streaming down her face, she asked God to forgive her for yielding to a friendship that had pulled her away from Christ, diminished her family relationships, dulled her spiritually, and even subtly compromised her physical
and emotional purity. She asked forgiveness to her friends and family members for pushing them away. And she told the young man in her life that she had decided it was time to step away from her friendship with Meredith, and build a Christ-centered relationship with him. With the help of her parents, she wrote a letter to Meredith and told her that she felt the friendship had been unhealthy and that she needed to take a step back. As soon as Meredith realized that she had lost her control over Sarah, she walked out of Sarah’s life forever and soon found a new “best friend” with whom she could repeat the same cycle. By the grace of God, Sarah was able to make a fresh start in her life, and continues to thank God for rescuing her from a dangerous friendship before even greater damage was done.
By the grace of God, Sarah was able to make a fresh start in her life... --------
Over the past several years, I’ve encountered more and more scenarios like Sarah’s – young women naively getting involved in seemingly harmless friendships that quickly become unhealthy, unnatural, and impure. When it comes to female companions, we often don’t feel the need to be on guard against perversion. Most of us tend to think that relationships with the opposite sex is the area where we must vigilantly protect our purity. And yet, in a culture that is rapidly growing more and more debased, we as set-apart young women must not be ignorant of the enemy’s devices. If he cannot entice us to compromise in one area, often he will attack us in another. While having like-minded girl friends can be a wonderful, edifying blessing to our lives, we must have high standards for set-apartness in our friendships with other women. As with any other area, in friendship our goal should be to honor Jesus Christ and bring glory to His name, not just to pursue our own happiness and security, and certainly not to follow the warped and twisted patterns of the culture.
Here are some practical suggestions for keeping girl friendships healthy, pure, and Christ-centered:
MOST OF US ARE FAR
MORE INCLINED
TO POUR OUT OUR HEARTS TO OUR GIRL FRIENDS RATHER THAN OUR FAITHFUL LORD.
AVOID EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCE When you find a girl friend that you really connect with, there is a strong temptation to call or text her multiple times a day, tell her every detail about your life, and rush to spill your guts to her whenever something difficult or exciting happens. Girls are prone to spend hours of each week “processing” their emotions, thoughts, feelings, and dreams with each other. Even though it’s a blessing to have a set-apart sister whom you can open up to, if you
allow too much opening up too often, it will quickly lead to an unhealthy pattern of emotional dependence. Friendships must never take the place of true intimacy with Jesus Christ. God’s presence should be the first place we run to when we feel fear, joy, hope, or distress. He is our strong and mighty tower; a very present help in time of trouble (Psalm 46:1). Proverbs 18:24 compares Him to a friend that sticks closer than a brother, and Psalm 62:8 says that we are to trust Him at all times and pour out our hearts before Him. Most of us are far more inclined to pour out our hearts to our girl friends rather than to our faithful
PRACTICE POURING OUT YOUR HEART TO HIM FIRST AND FOREMOST...
SET APART Lord. If you feel that you cannot handle trials or difficulties without processing through them with your girl friend, then very likely there has been unhealthy emotional dependence created in the friendship. Ask God to help you establish new patterns in this area of your life. Practice pouring out your heart to Him first and foremost, and putting boundaries on how much and how often you share with your friend. In our modern Christian culture, being “real and open” with other members of the Body is considered spiritually healthy. And certainly, there is a dimension of “bearing one another’s burdens” that is applauded in Scripture. But I believe that a closer look at Scripture shows that this concept has a lot more to do with practically helping those in need and not just sitting around airing our emotional baggage. It’s not always wrong to share hurts, fears, hopes, and dreams with your girl friends. But make sure your times of sharing are merely an outflow of your intimate relationship with Jesus Christ, and not a replacement for it.
BE GUARDED WITH PHYSICAL AFFECTION Many Christian young women feel totally free to show lots of physical affection
walk
toward other girls. They give extended embraces, engage in cuddle sessions, bestow long back-scratches, play with each other’s hair, and even hold hands as they are walking down the street. This kind of girl/girl touch is totally acceptable in our culture, and many girls justify it because “there is nothing sexual going on.” But just because there is nothing overtly sexual going on doesn’t mean there is nothing subtly sensual going on. Physical purity in guy/girl relationships is far more than merely not “crossing the line,” and the same principle applies to physical purity in girl/girl relationships. If you study the pattern of Scripture (such as the book of Song of Solomon), you will notice that all forms of sensual touch – caressing, embracing, etc. – are part of the physical intimacy God designed between a man and woman in a covenant marriage relationship. As it says in Romans 1:26, sensual touch between women is unnatural and dishonoring to God’s pattern. It is perfectly appropriate to give a friendly hug to another girl, or put your arm around her shoulder to comfort her while she is crying. But caressing her arms, stroking her hair, and cuddling close to her on the couch takes the relationship from friendly and natural to fleshly and sensual – even if there is nothing sexual in your motivation for doing it. Sensual forms of affection
(i.e. all forms of physical touch that could possibly have a sexual undertone) are unhealthy and dangerous outside of a covenant marriage relationship with your husband. Another reason to be guarded in this area is because sensual touch, even if you don’t mean it to be sensual, can awaken physical desires both in you and in others who are observing your behavior. Romans 14:13 says we are to be resolved not to be a stumbling block in another’s way. One of the best ways to obey this exhortation is to be guarded and above reproach in all your physical interaction with others – both guys and girls.
PUT BOUNDARIES AROUND TIME SPENT WITH FRIENDS It’s always fun having someone to “do life” with – a workout buddy, a shopping partner, a coffee shop confidant, or a texting pal. Always having a friend by your side (or via your phone) can make you feel secure and confident, while doing things alone can lead to feeling lonely and self-conscious. But spending all your waking hours with a girl friend is not healthy. Christ desires to give you a confidence and contentment
that flows from your relationship with Him. Psalm 16:11 says that in His presence is fullness of joy. If we are always in the presence of our friends, we never have time to be alone in the presence of our King. We end up looking to our friends’ company for security and peace rather than finding it first and foremost in Jesus Christ.
Prayerfully consider how much time you spend with your girl friends. In addition, spending too much time with a girl friend, if she is a controlling or manipulative person, can set you up to be dominated in an unhealthy way – like Sarah, who allowed Meredith to govern her time, decisions, and outside relationships. Often, girl friends who spend too much time with each other get to the point where they cannot function as individuals or make decisions outside of the other person’s influence and opinion. Prayerfully consider how much time you spend with your girl friends. If you find
that the majority of your free time is spent with friends, and very little is spent in the presence of your King, then ask God to rebuild your habits in this area. Practice going places on your own, ignoring your phone for an evening, shutting off your computer, and turning your gaze upon Jesus. Learn how to be “on your own with Jesus,” and allow Him to show you that in His presence is the fullness of joy! And when you spend time with your girl friends, make sure that it is not something you look to or lean upon for your happiness or security. Because truly, those things are found in only in the Best Friend we will ever have.
--------Who better to teach us how to build strong, healthy friendships than the Author of Friendship Himself? When we look to His Word instead of the patterns of pop culture, we discover friendships as they were truly intended to be – a reflection of the beautiful, edifying fellowship we have with our King. If you would like additional tips on how to build a truly Christ-honoring friendship with your girl friends, I encourage you to see the articles A Set-Apart Friendship Part 1 and Part 2, available in our magazine archives HERE.
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LEARN HOW TO BE “ON YOUR OWN WITH JESUS” AND ALLOW HIM TO SHOW YOU THAT IN HIS PRESENCE IS THE FULLNESS OF JOY!
SET APART
walk
Beautified
Salvation
with
by LYDIA COVEY
She knew how to live a good “Christian” life. She was raised in a wonderful, conservative, godly home and understood how a Christian young lady was to act. She dressed modestly and wasn’t a flirt. She read the Bible and Christian biographies. She was proper and had the right friends. She knew about the Gospel of Jesus. But no one would have guessed that while she lived that perfect outward Christian life, her heart was hard and she had never actually professed faith and believed in Christ as her Savior. She was a hypocrite in every way.
Yes, this girl is me. And it was only a few years ago that I lived in such a way. I was unaware that I, like Peter, was denying Jesus as I chose the benefits of the Christian life, yet continually rejected Him. I was focused on pursuing my dreams and completely content with my life. People respected me and friends admired me. In the world’s eyes, my life was a great success. But I was unaware of the battle taking place in my soul, a battle of Truth versus lies and confusion. Intellectually, I knew about Jesus and salvation, but I honestly didn’t understand why I needed Him if I was already living such an “upright”
life. Why did I need to be saved? I was a good girl, and in my eyes I didn’t have anything to be saved from. I felt able to live this life all on my own. Do you see the repeated problem in all this? Me. It was all about me, what I could do, and how I lived so comfortably in my own strength. I was blinded by “me” – my morals, my outward good works, and numerous accomplishments. It comes down to one word: pride. Pride kept me from seeing the depravity of my inward sins, from understanding my need of salvation, and thus kept me from coming to the feet of Jesus for so many years. To be prideful is to set oneself above others, to be self-sufficient and confident in one’s own strength. That is exactly how I lived. I thought of myself as better than others and relied on my self-righteousness. But despite that confidence and self-sufficiency, there was a nagging feeling and frustration in the knowledge that I wasn’t truly a Christian. I did not understand salvation and had no thought toward my utter need of a Savior. Psalms 149:4 holds a beautiful promise: “For the LORD taketh pleasure in his people: he will beautify the meek with salvation” (KJV). Throughout Scripture the
SET APART words meek and humble are often used interchangeably. This promise of salvation has a very specific requirement – to be meek and humble. It is for those who come humbly before the Lord, understanding their need to be beautified. So, do you see what held me back from receiving the precious, saving blood of Jesus? I controlled my life and it was marked by pride. Pride holds us back. I had come to believe Satan’s lie that I was beautiful in and of myself, and that I did not need the beauty of Christ’s salvation. Pride won’t allow us to come before the Lord and bend in absolute dependency on the saving grace of Jesus Christ.
absolutely no sense of my littleness; I was focused on how I thought I could do good and live morally. I had no idea that no matter how great and numerous my good works, they were as filthy rags before the righteous throne of God. But then those works began to fail me. All that I did in my own strength left me devoid of joy; friendships were not fulfilling, and my pursuits gave no happiness. God used this to turn my eyes away from me and onto Him. How amazing is His grace and love! I now could rightly understand my littleness in relation to Him. As I began glimpsing the holiness of God, my sin was exposed and I became broken in humility. Through the realization of my pride, I was enabled to confess my inability and profess belief in the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ. In light of who He is, we can see the depths of our seemingly small sin and understand our inability to live right before the Lord in our own strength. This brings us to the foot of the cross to receive the beauty of salvation. Only with deep humility can we truly proclaim that our only righteousness is the blood of Jesus.
Pride kept me from seeing the depravity of my inward sins, from understanding my need of salvation, and thus kept me from coming to the feet of Jesus... But where does humility come from? How do we break the stronghold of selfrighteousness? A definition of humility is “a deep sense of one’s moral littleness” (Strong’s definition). In my pride I had
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Now, God is showing me how humility brought me to salvation, but must also continue as a chief attribute of my life as a believer. Do you see that Christians ought to be the most humble of people? We are nothing apart from His saving grace and the only good in us is Christ. With this understanding, how could we ever allow pride to place ourselves above others?
Humility becomes an automatic outflow of our lives as we see God’s grandeur and understand our great need of a Savior.
But is humility something we can simply apply and produce in our own strength? No, it comes from God and understanding our position before Him. Oswald Chambers excellently describes the humility of a Christian: “Humility is not an ideal, it is the unconscious result of the life being rightly related to God and centered in Him.” We must continually come before Him in prayer, fixing our eyes on Him and dwelling on His holiness. Humility becomes an automatic outflow of our lives as we see God’s grandeur and understand our great need of a Savior.
Himself against the proud who do not give the honor and glory due His name
I was recently reminded of Sodom’s iniquities (see Ezekiel 16:49). Do you know what sin is listed first? Pride. The people of Sodom lifted themselves above God and man. And God destroyed them for it! In 1 Peter 5:5, we read how God treats the proud: “…be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble” (KJV). God literally sets
Living a set-apart lifestyle can easily result in an unconscious pride if our focus is incorrect. Have you ever found yourself thinking that you are better than others? I have, far too often. Did you know this is the sin of pride? It comes from setting our attention and trust on ourselves, on our good works. Pride can sneak in as we place ourselves higher and better than others. We quickly lose our sense of “moral littleness” when our attention turns away from God and onto ourselves. Yes, how we live and act is very important. In James 2:26 we read that “faith without works is dead.” Works are an outflow of faith, just like humility is a result of being rightly related to God. Our confidence does not lie in a set-apart life. Our redemption does not come from dressing modestly and acting femininely. We will not be able to plead any number of good works before the
throne of God. Jesus Christ must hold the entirety of our confidence, for He is our only hope and righteousness. We must live and interact with others in a way that reflects Christ and our absolute trust in Him, not ourselves. As we become humble before the Lord, we will thus more fully realize the great honor of lifting high the One who has beautified us. Being focused and centered on God results in unabashedly proclaiming the wonderful name of Jesus. For we boast not in our works, not in our strength and righteousness, but in His perfect, pure, and holy righteousness that has been bestowed upon us by His precious blood. Paul says in Galatians 6:14, “But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world” (KJV). I pray that we would not glory, or boast, in anything but our dear Lord Jesus. May we lower ourselves and become the stage, lifting high the glory due His name. Oh, what a marvelous trade it is, giving up the boasting of our sinful self for the perfect name of Jesus!
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take it deeper
Authentic
Beauty For most of my young adult life, I had known Jesus Christ only as the One who had saved me from my sins. I had been looking to an earthly romance to fulfill the deepest desires of my heart. I had been searching for an earthly prince to rescue me, to carry me away to his castle, to love and cherish me forever – to fulfill my feminine desire for tender romance. But until Jesus Christ becomes the Lover of our soul – the very center of our existence – we will always be looking in the wrong places to fulfill our feminine longing for tender romance. We will end up brokenhearted and disillusioned, time and time again. Christ alone can truly fulfill the desires of our heart. Authentic Beauty is a personal and practical book about becoming a set-apart young woman in today’s perverse generation.
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presents
the ANNUAL GIRLS CONFERENCE with bestselling author LESLIE LUDY & other guest speakers
Consecration May 31-June 2, 2013
MADE STRONG TO BE POURED OUT
But know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself; the LORD hears when I call to him. Psalm 4:3
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SET APART
femininity
Time Comes WHEN THE
WAITING WITH FAITH AND PATIENCE FOR GOD’S PROMISES by TESSA THOMPSON
A tiny little
life
had begun to grow inside of my womb!
SET APART
Last fall on a beautiful, late September afternoon, my husband Nick and I received some surprising and yet wonderful news – a tiny little life had begun to grow inside of my womb! Of course, you wouldn’t have been able to tell simply by looking at me. However, the evidence we did have seemed to be valid enough, and a couple weeks later we excitedly announced the pregnancy to family and friends. Eager to learn about what the next nine months would look like, I began to gather all sorts of useful information – what foods to avoid, what foods to eat, what symptoms I should be expecting, the projected due date, etc. And soon enough, the morning sickness arrived (which sometimes turned out to be more like “all day sickness”). It was obvious that something was different inside my body, and yet, I found myself questioning whether or not there was actually a baby growing inside of me. I had read about one of the most common symptoms being constant tiredness, but other than first thing in the morning, my energy level hadn’t seemed to change much. The nausea was there, but it was nothing compared to what my sister went through with her pregnancies. Shouldn’t I be more sick than this? And while I was certainly beginning to lose my appetite, I was not having any of those stereotypical
femininity
first-trimester cravings. Where are those midnight Ben and Jerry urges I’m supposed to be having? Rather than resting in the fact that no two pregnancies are alike and being thankful that I could actually keep my food down, I was constantly dwelling on all the evidence I didn’t have. During one of the final weeks of the first trimester, I was talking to a friend who is due with a baby just two days before me. She had recently gone to the doctor with her husband for an ultrasound, and they had the precious opportunity to see with their own eyes the growing little life inside of her. I expressed my excitement for her, yet inside found myself wishing that I too had such strong assurance, that I too could see what I was struggling to believe. For a few different reasons, Nick and I had decided earlier on in the pregnancy to not get an ultrasound, but now such a decision was becoming harder to comply with.
...I was constantly dwelling on all the evidence I DIDN’T have. I am now well into the second trimester. My nausea has lessened accordingly, it has become quite uncomfortable (or impossible) to button my pants, and the number on the scale is slowly inching its
way upward. Valid evidence of a pregnancy certainly remains. And yet, I still have not seen the baby. And at the time I write this, I still have not felt the baby. And so, I have continued to wait. And as I have waited, God has used my lingering lack of assurance to teach me all over again what it looks like to “believe without seeing” – a little something the Bible refers to as faith. Elisabeth Elliot once wrote, “Faith’s most severe tests come not when we see nothing, but when we see a stunning array of evidence that seems to prove our faith vain.” Now, I suppose I don’t have a “stunning array of evidence” that seems to prove my pregnancy in vain (as I admitted earlier, the scale has been showing otherwise!). However, there are other things in my life I am believing God for, but which seem to have a stack of evidence against them. And He has profoundly used this significant season to expose the growing feebleness of what once was a steadfast and resolved expectation for the great things He would do. At different points in the past, it was much easier to believe, and at times, I had been on the edge of my seat – certain the promise was soon to be fulfilled, the impossible accomplished, the power of God manifested. And I waited. And waited. And waited.
He has profoundly used this significant season to expose the growing feebleness of what once was a steadfast and a resolved expectation
for the great things He would do. Still nothing. And as I look back upon the years, the growing number of days, and weeks, and months, and years I have been waiting whispers in my ear: “How long are you going to wait, Tessa? Don’t you think God would have done it by now, if He was actually planning to do it? He’s had so many good opportunities, and yet still hasn’t acted. Do you really think an actual day is going to come when something will suddenly change?” Will the time come? The day? The moment? How long should I wait before concluding that my faith has been in vain? Another year? Five years? Twenty years? What does the Bible say about how long we should wait before giving up?
That last question is perhaps one better left unasked, unless we’re ready for a challenge. For the Bible does say something about how long we should wait, and the answer is right in between the books of Malachi and Matthew. There we find a long, long period of waiting – 400 years to be exact! God had promised to send a Messiah to save and reign over His people, to deliver them from darkness, to bring them peace. Over and over again was this promise proclaimed through the mighty Old Testament prophets. And so the Jews waited. And waited. And waited. After four hundred years of silence from God on that matter, still nothing. In the
natural realm, it would have seemed pretty reasonable for the Jews to come to the conclusion that either God had forgotten to fulfill His promise, wasn’t able to, or simply did not care anymore. What may have been going through the minds of the Jews? Has God checked out? Has He chosen another people to be His beloved flock? Has He changed His mind about sending a Messiah? Perhaps there is no salvation to hope for at all! And then, the day – His day – arrived. While Mary and Joseph were in Bethlehem, “... the time came for her to give birth” (Luke 2:6 ESV).
The time – His time – came. The moment arrived. The Messiah was born. God had promised, and God had acted – and not a day too late. He hadn’t been laboring in heaven for 400 years trying to figure out how to accomplish His Word. Rather, He had known before the foundations of the world how He was going to carry it out – the exact day, hour, and moment when the promised Messiah would make His appearance (see Titus 1:1,2 and 1 Peter 1:19,20). Could He have sent the Messiah three hundred years earlier? Certainly. But that was not the right time, according to the good and perfect plan He had set in motion before the world began. How easy it is, in our limited, finite vision, to assume that we know when the time has come for God to fulfill this or that promise in our lives. And then, when that time comes and goes, and we don’t see the promise yet fulfilled, our hopes are dashed and our faith begins to dwindle. And yet, if we take an honest look at Scripture, we see that it is not our job to discern when and how and where God will act. Rather, our job is to simply believe – to believe that God is who He says He is, to believe that He is faithful to finish what He begins, to believe that if He promised, He will do it.
“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.” HEBREWS 6.11-12
“And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence to the full assurance of hope until the end, that you do not become sluggish, but imitate those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.” HEBREWS 6.11-12 The question we ought to ask ourselves, then, is perhaps not whether we believe that He will be faithful to fulfill His promises in our own lives, but rather, whether or not we are willing to wait (and wait, and wait) for the timing He has planned, maintaining a joyful expectancy and an ever-increasing appreciation for the wise and perfect ways of our Father, even when they are far beyond our understanding. We may not see it, and we may not feel it. But when the time comes, our God will be ready to act, and nothing will stop Him.
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WHEN THE TIME COMES,
OUR GOD WILL BE READY TO ACT, AND
nothing WILL STOP HIM.
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SET APART
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PART 2
RELATIONSHIP SERIES
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with Leslie Ludy
A MESSAGE FROM LESLIE:
I am very excited to share this series of articles on relationships! Honoring Christ in the area of romance,
all the way from boy-meets-girl to wedding day, can be extremely challenging. It’s so easy to take our cues from the culture, or be led by our own emotions, rather than building this part of our life around God’s ways, His Word, and His pattern. My hope and prayer is that these upcoming articles will bring practical, godly inspiration to all the key issues of guy/ girl relationships – exploring what it means to truly honor God in friendship, relationship, engagement, and a marriage. No matter what mistakes you’ve made in the past, you have the amazing opportunity to handle this area of your life 100% right, starting today, by the grace of God! His mercies are new every morning. May you be blessed as you seek to put Him first in this crucial area of your life. For PART ONE of this series, visit our magazine archives, the March/April 2013 issue.
A
GETTING TO KNOW
GUY
IN A GOD-HONORING WAY
JEN
is a frustrated young wife who has been married for three years. “I want my husband to rise up and be the leader in our marriage. But he seems to just wait around for me to move things forward. I’m really tired of trying to be the man in this relationship!” After talking with Jen more about this issue, it became clear that the problem she was
facing in her marriage actually started long before she and her husband were even romantically involved. It happened during the friendship stage of their relationship. Jen admired the qualities she’d observed in Matt, and wanted to get to know him better. So, she took the initiative. She reached out to him, invited him to coffee, sent him texts and emails, and let him know that she was interested in building
a friendship with him. At first, he seemed perfectly happy to let her be the one taking the lead in the friendship, and eventually the one initiating a romantic relationship. But after marriage, he seemed to lose interest in rising up and taking charge of their home, their spiritual growth, and their marriage cultivation. It’s a common story among young wives today. They take the lead in the friendship stage of the relationship and, from that point forward, things are out of balance. That’s why it is crucial that the friendship stage of a relationship is based upon Christ’s pattern, and not the world’s. Many young women feel that the only way they can get to know a guy is if they initiate a friendship. “I don’t know him very well, but I’m just going to call him and invite him to coffee. How else is he ever going to know that I am interested in having a friendship with him?” It sounds like a logical line of reasoning. But taking the initiative with a guy, even in the friendship stage, can be dangerous. God designed men to be the leaders, the initiators, and the pursuers in male/female relationships. Even if it seems harmless to ask a guy out to coffee or send an email letting him know you want to get to know him better, it subtly undermines his masculinity. And even though guys might at first seem to like it when girls
pursue them, the reality is that when their masculine role is diminished, it hinders them from becoming the strong, confident leaders God intended them to be.
GOD DESIGNED MEN TO BE THE LEADERS, THE INITIATORS, AND THE PURSUERS... If there is a guy in your life whom you feel drawn to get to know better, remember that the way you approach the friendship in the early stages can set the tone for the entire friendship and, if it ends up becoming more, the entire romantic relationship. The Bible says: “But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve” (1 Tim. 2:12-13 KJV). When a woman takes a leadership role, even in a friendship, she subtly disregards a man’s authority and position. To “usurp authority” over a man means to “govern” him. If you take the first step in starting a friendship with a guy, the weight falls upon your shoulders to guide and govern the relationship from that point forward – completely backwards from God’s intent. You forgo the opportunity to be pursued
and won by a heroic man. Rather than him proving that he is worthy of your heart, you now have to prove that you are worthy of his. How unromantic is that? As hard as it might be to wait for him to take the first step in reaching out, you will be blessed for honoring God’s perfect design. Even if the friendship never turns into anything romantic, by downplaying a man’s role as pursuer, you are chipping away at his ability to be a Christ-built Warrior-Poet who will honor, serve, and protect femininity. Don’t give in to impatience when you see a guy you are attracted to or interested in. Instead, take it to God in fervent, heartfelt prayer. If God desires the friendship to happen, He is perfectly capable of moving upon the guy’s heart to take the first step in reaching out to you. Show that you trust in Him with all your heart by letting Him write the story without any manipulation on your part! If there is a guy in your life you feel drawn to, honor God’s design by reaching out to him in subtle and Christ-honoring ways, without undermining his position as the initiator. Here are some practical suggestions for getting to know a guy without sacrificing your femininity.
engage in
CHRIST-HONORING
conversation
Protecting your feminine mystique doesn’t mean you need to hide in a corner and go out of your way to avoid guys. It’s not more spiritual to act shy and insecure in a conversation with a guy. You can be friendly, outgoing, and confident toward any guy you meet. The key is to be God-honoring in the way you speak and interact with guys. Scripture is abundantly clear that all our words must be carefully weighed before God:
“Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers” (Eph. 4:29). “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one” (Col. 4:6).
“But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks” (Eph. 5:3-4). “But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matt. 12:36-37).
Far too many of us get caught up in the “playful banter” that goes along with male/ female interaction, disregarding the purity of speech God requires of His children. When you casually chat with a guy, don’t allow crude words, sarcastic words, impure words, profane words, sensual words, gossipy words, etc. to creep into your conversation. Joking about the latest Hollywood comedy or TV sitcom might seem completely normal, but does it honor Jesus Christ? Flirtatious or teasing comments might seem innocent and fun, but does that behavior reflect the stunning purity of our King? The other day I was among a group of Christian young adults during a casual conversation. One of the guys began to tell a story about how a woman had caught him with his fly open that day at work. At first, it seemed like a funny, harmless story, but the descriptions and visual illustrations he used quickly put it into the “awkward”
SET APART category. Even though the girls listening to him were passionate about purity and living a set-apart life, for the sake of social polish they began laughing and joking back with him – participating unwittingly in the “coarse and foolish jesting” warned against in Scripture.
LET GUYS KNOW WITHOUT QUESTION WHERE YOU STAND - THAT JESUS CHRIST IS THE NUMBER ONE PASSION AND FOCUS OF YOUR LIFE AND HEART. You might feel uncomfortable remaining silent instead of laughing when a guy makes an inappropriate joke or comment. You might find it awkward to abruptly change the subject when a topic arises that doesn’t bring glory to God. But if you don’t send signals that indicate what your standard of purity is, how will a guy ever get the message that you are a set-apart young woman? How will he ever know that you expect something more from him as a Christ-professing man? How will he ever be inspired to rise to a higher standard? When it comes to talking casually with guys, choose to exchange all foolish, idle, flirtatious conversation for edifying words that build faith and bring glory to God.
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Beware of downplaying spiritual things so that a guy doesn’t think of you as strange. Let guys know without question where you stand – that Jesus Christ is the number one passion and focus of your life and heart. If a guy looks down upon you for being consumed with Christ, he is not warrior-poet material, anyway – and not worth your heart. A lot of young women I’ve talked with feel restricted in talking about spiritual things with guys right off the bat. There seems to be a general feeling in modern Christianity that conversations about Christ and His Word should be reserved for deeper, more intimate friendships. But it’s more than possible to engage in spiritual dialogue with guys you are just getting to know. In fact, that’s how you build a friendship upon Jesus Christ. My friendship with Eric was hallmarked by spiritual conversation from the very first day I met him. Not only was he willing and eager to talk about Jesus Christ – he didn’t even seem to want to talk about anything else! Even though we didn’t share intimate prayer times or personal stories about what God was doing at the deepest levels of our soul, our entire friendship was built upon mutual spiritual passion. We discussed Scripture, applied biblical Truth in regard to cultural issues, shared
NOT ONLY WAS HE WILLING AND EAGER TO TALK ABOUT JESUS CHRIST –
HE DIDN’T EVEN SEEM TO WANT TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE!
stories of how we’d seen God work on mission trips and outreaches, and shared worship songs we’d written. There was an immediate like-mindedness between us, and cultivating spiritual discussion only created more of a kindred bond and set the stage for a Christ-centered, Christfocused, Christ-honoring friendship. Don’t shy away from steering your conversations with guys toward the things of God. It’s one of the best ways to get to know a guy’s true heart as well as build upon the right foundation from the
very beginning. Of course, there are guys who might use spiritual things to try to manipulate your heart. Allow God’s Spirit to give you discernment as you get to know a guy. If he asks you to share things that are too personal under the banner of “spiritual discussion,” don’t hesitate to let him know your boundaries. If you sense that he is merely saying all the right things but not truly living it out, it’s a good idea to be cautious rather than charging ahead full-steam in the friendship. If you are led by the Spirit of God rather than your own emotions or impatience, your heart will be
protected and you will have wisdom and clarity for how to handle each and every situation you face. And by the way, there are other ways to get to know a guy beyond just talking. Sharing experiences together goes a long way in acquainting you with someone’s true heart. Participating in the same ministry ventures, such as inner-city outreaches or short-term missions trips, is a great way to share life experience without getting overly personal. Spending time together around your family members – as unexciting as
that may sound – is an excellent way to see his true colors and let him see yours. Don’t assume that one-on-one discussion is the only way to build a friendship. Often, actions can speak about someone’s character and heart far louder than words.
show DECORUM in your body language Not long ago, I stood in the midst of a large Christian gathering for young adults
before the official “meeting” began, as people were socializing and congregating. It was interesting to watch the physical interaction between the sexes. Guys teasingly tickling girls. Girls playfully tackling guys. Guys bellowing loud greetings and giving girls bear hugs. Girls giggling and jumping on guys’ backs. The physical touch between men and women was aggressive and prevalent – not just among dating couples, but among casual friends and acquaintances. It’s something Eric and I have seen in nearly every Christian group of singles or young adults we’ve visited. In a world where it’s normal to have sex with a complete stranger, playful physical interaction among Christian guys and girls hardly seems worth making a fuss over. Compared to what the rest of the world is doing, it doesn’t seem like a big deal. Why should we even make an issue out of it? After all, we don’t want people to think we’re stodgy and prudish, do we? Interacting with guys, even Christian guys, usually involves a good amount of physical touch. Even if you barely know a guy, it’s normal and accepted to hug him, hold his hand, stand close to him, put your arm around him, ruffle his hair, playfully hit him, etc. The casual, careless way that girls interact physically with guys is yet another indication of the decline of feminine dignity and mystique. It used to be the opposite. A girl wouldn’t allow a man to touch her until he proved he was a gallant Warrior-Poet worthy
SET APART of her heart. Even then, it was carefully measured and guarded – sacred things being saved for sacred moments. Women garnered respect from men because they didn’t give their physical body – even in the form of casual touch – to any random guy they met. I remember hearing the story of my great-grandmother in the carriage with her groom-to-be on the way to their wedding. He leaned over to kiss her, and she pulled away, saying sweetly, “There will be plenty of time for that after the wedding!” These days, such a scene seems laughably ridiculous. But I think we could use a lot more of my greatgrandmother’s decorum in our modern femininity. Just take a quick peek at what God says about male/female interaction: “...It is good for a man not to touch a woman” (1 Cor. 7:1). Though some translations interpret this verse as “it is good for a man not to marry” in reality the word “touch” here means physical contact. It’s the same word used all throughout the New Testament for every kind of touch – even casual. Physical touch between men and women is very powerful, and is not to be treated flippantly. Our Christian culture may make light of casual touch between guys and girls, but it’s not a light thing to God. Our Maker designed physical touch between men and women to be the catalyst for sexual intimacy, and
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when that fire is ignited out of context, it leads to harm. As it says in Proverbs: “Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not be seared?” (Prov. 6:27-28).
COMPARED TO WHAT THE REST OF THE WORLD IS DOING, IT DOESN’T SEEM LIKE A BIG DEAL. WHY SHOULD WE EVEN MAKE AN ISSUE OUT OF IT? When you make your physical body “off limits” to the opposite sex, you guard the feminine mystery, intrigue, and mystique that God created within you. It may seem that all guys enjoy girls who carelessly offer their bodies to be casually touched, but Christ-built guys are fascinated, intrigued, and captivated by women who are mysterious and guarded. WarriorPoets have far more respect for a woman who is guarded and discreet than for one who is aggressive and cavalier with her body. Women have an incredible power to seduce. Even if it is not your intention to arouse lustful thoughts in the opposite sex, if you are flippant about your physical interaction with guys, you risk leading them to stumble sexually – not to mention the fact that you send a compromising
message about the sacredness (or lack thereof) of your body. It may be completely normal for every other Christian girl you know to be physical when interacting with guys. Casual touch and sensual behavior may be treated lightly among modern Christians. But what is God’s perspective? “...Reproofs of instruction are the way of life, to keep you from the evil woman, from the flattering tongue of a seductress. Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, nor let her allure you with her eyelids. For by means of a harlot a man is reduced to a crust of bread; and an adulteress will prey upon his precious life” (Prov. 6:23-26). We must answer to God for the way we choose to use our feminine power. If we interact with guys in a sensual, flirtatious way; if we use our eyes, words, and body language to tempt them sexually; and if we are haphazard about physical touch, we are participating in the “way of the evil woman.” God’s prescription for male/female interaction is simple and straightforward: “...[Treat] younger women as sisters, with all purity” (1 Tim. 5:2). “Purity” in this verse is not just talking about maintaining physical virginity until marriage. It means “without sin.” In other
words, to be Christ-like and above reproach in every dimension of our interaction with the opposite sex; to be watchful and vigilant over our heart and the hearts of the guys in our lives.
EVERY DECISION YOU MAKE RIGHT NOW BIG OR SMALL WILL AFFECT THE PURITY AND BEAUTY OF YOUR FUTURE MARRIAGE. When it comes to your body language toward guys, don’t take your cues from pop culture, movies, or even your Christian friends. Rather, keep the sacredness of your relationship with your husband always in the forefront of your mind. You may not know his name, but every decision you make right now – big or small – in relating to the opposite sex will affect the purity and beauty of your future marriage. So, what kind of physical interaction is appropriate with a guy? Here’s a great test question to ask in every situation: If you were married (and wanted to stay that way) and your husband was standing next to you, would he feel comfortable with your actions? Eric wouldn’t mind if I held another guy’s hand during a group prayer, but he certainly wouldn’t feel comfortable with me tickling another guy, standing
super-close to another guy, giving a tight front-hug to another guy, or jumping on another guy’s back. Anything that you wouldn’t do with another guy after marriage is something that you shouldn’t do with another guy before marriage. It doesn’t matter if you think that you might one day marry the guy you are getting to know. Until God makes it clear that this is your life-long covenant marriage partner, live as if you (and he) both belong to someone else. And even after you are in a relationship headed toward marriage, it is always healthy to be extra-cautious and guarded in the area of physical touch. When in doubt, it’s always best to err on the side of caution.
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Even if your standards seem old-fashioned, prude, or extreme to others, why should that bother you? The only thing that matters is protecting the glory of your King and the sacredness of your future marriage. A Warrior-Poet will appreciate, respect, and cherish a woman who guards mystique and saves every aspect of her physical body as a sacred gift for him.
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RELATIONSHIP SERIES
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Remember that God’s ways are perfect. Only when we follow His pattern can we experience the very best He has in store for us!
PART 2
with Leslie Ludy
?
take it deeper
Answering
Guy Questions the
Answering the Guy Questions is a powerful book that dives into some of the toughest relationship questions I get asked by young women. If you have ever been discouraged, disgusted, depressed, or even defeated by the state of modern guys, this book can infuse you with vision, hope, and a practical means of doing something about it! This book is extremely practical – tackling key areas such as guy/girl friendships, physical and emotional boundaries, modesty, flirting, and laying the foundation for a God-scripted love story. A great book for small group discussion – appropriate for younger teens yet relevant for college age and older.
“A must read...Simple answers to tough questions all of us girls ask!” - Natalie, NY “This book is a fantastic ‘eye-opener’ for today’s young women who might be confused by what they long for in a man and what they see in the natural...” - Amazon.com review “The one thing I come away with from reading Leslie’s books, including this one, is the passion to seek more and more and more of Christ.” - Amazon.com review
ORDER NOW
my
husband Judah and I have a beautiful and unique love story. In short, we met in Mongolia when we were 12 years old, where both of our families were missionaries, started a long distance relationship when we were 17,
and after two and a half years of crossing the pacific ocean every six months to see each other, were married in my home church in Colorado. I have had many people ask about our story, and I love telling it! It is amazing to look back and see the way the Lord began weaving
SET APART
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the GIFT
of
parents
by Tessa Thompson
THE IMPORTANCE OF CHERISHING YOUR GOD-GIVEN TEAMMATES
by HEATHER COFER
our lives together. There is one question in particular I am asked quite often: What is one piece of advice you would give to someone preparing for a relationship, especially a young woman still in her teens?
My answer: Involve your parents. This may be surprising for some, but it was one of the most crucial elements the Lord used to bring about a wonderful, godly love story. We live in a culture where most young people do not, and are not expected to,
have a good relationship with their parents. Sadly, this is also the mind-set of many Christians. As a result, when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, parents are often not involved. It could be that the child rejects the parents input, or the parents simply aren’t interested. Whatever the case may be, it is a far cry from the pattern God has established in the Bible for the role of parents in their children’s lives. Proverbs 6:20-23 says, “My son, keep your father’s command, and do not forsake the law of your mother. Bind them continually upon your heart; tie them around your neck. When you roam, they will lead you; when you sleep, they will keep you; and when you awake, they will speak with you. For the commandment is a lamp, and the law a light; reproofs of instruction are the way of life.” This shows an active participation on the part of both the children and the parents. The parents are called to teach and instruct
SET APART and guide their children in Truth, and the children are called to heed this instruction. Ephesians 6:2-3 says, “Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise: that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” Part of honoring our parents is allowing them to have the role in our lives that God has intended them to have. It is His design to have a father protect and guard his daughter from other men who would be harmful to her in any way, until the day he gives her to the right man in marriage.
“Having my parents walk beside us in this played a huge part in helping us keep our commitment to purity.” “What if,” you may ask, “I desire to have this kind of relationship with my parents, but they don’t seem to be interested?” We cannot force our parents to teach and guide us, but we can honor them by inviting them to be involved, and listening when they do offer advice. When we are doing what the Lord has called us to do, we can trust that the Lord will use this in our parentsʼ lives, too. As young women, we must all seek to establish this kind of relationship with our parents. It
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will prove to be life-giving and incredibly valuable, especially when God begins writing our love story with a young man. In situations where the parents arenʼt Christians or are not at all interested in being involved, prayerfully consider other ways you can set up this kind of accountability and protection.There may be another older couple who could be “spiritual parents,” so to speak, and come alongside you as teammates and mentors throughout the relationship. For me, this process started long before the Lord brought my husband into the picture. When I was 14 years old, I began having struggles in some of my friendships, and turned to my mom for wisdom. Because I invited her into my life, I did not take her encouragement or challenges as being pushy or invasive. She also never took advantage of this, and has since expressed to me how deeply honored she was to be asked to enter into my life in this way. She became my mentor, most trusted confidante, and best friend. I also had a wonderful relationship with my dad. During my teenage years, we spent many hours talking about what a godly love story should look like. We had a mutual understanding that he had been given the responsibility of guarding my heart until
SET APART
the day he gave me to another man in marriage. It wasnʼt oppressive in any way. In fact, it brought great peace knowing there was a wise man of God ready to give guidance and protection in this incredibly significant area of my life. It was because my parents and I had established a solid relationship before my love story began that inviting them into this new, beautiful, sacred part of my life was so natural. The role of my parents took on different aspects throughout the relationship. Here are a couple of examples:
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After Judah asked my dad if he could start getting to know me better and the two of them had established what that would look like, he began writing to me through email (we were on opposite sides of the world at the time). I allowed my mom to read every email we wrote to each other during the eight months before we saw each other again. During those early stages, having my parents keep a watchful eye on our correspondence kept us from secondguessing whether or not our conversations were appropriate for that time. Later on, my parents didnʼt read every email we wrote, but because of their guidance during those first months, we knew they trusted us to maintain the standard of purity they had seen in those first emails. When I was 13, I made the decision to save my first kiss for my wedding day. My parents not only supported this, but fully committed to coming alongside me to hold me accountable in the area of
“Your story won’t look just like ours, but you can fully trust that as you allow those whom the Lord has placed over you as your protectors to be a part of this significant time in your life, He will make it more beautiful than you could ever imagine!”
physical purity. This was the desire of my heart throughout my teenage years, and once Judah and I began our love story, it was no different. But I never would have guessed how much more difficult it would be to live it than to just speak it, once I was actually in a relationship. Having my parents walk beside us in this played a huge part in helping us keep our commitment to purity. My dad and Judah agreed on what things would be appropriate, and at what point we would be free to do them. So, even in the times when Judah and I were together, but away from my parents, there was always an accountability that gave stability and freedom.
Here are some practical ways you could begin the process of building this kind of relationship with your parents: WHEN YOU NEED ADVICE OR COUNSEL, INSTEAD OF TURNING TO A FRIEND, GO TO YOUR PARENTS. DEPENDING ON WHAT KIND OF ADVICE YOU NEED, YOU MAY GO TO JUST ONE OR THE OTHER. SEEKING THEM OUT IN THIS WAY WILL BE A DISPLAY OF TRUST AND RESPECT FOR THEM.
BE INTENTIONAL ABOUT SPENDING TIME WITH THEM IN EVERYDAY THINGS.
HELP
YOUR MOM FIX DINNER OR SIMPLY SIT WITH YOUR DAD WHILE HE IS WORKING
What an amazing thing it was to come to our wedding day, knowing that both my parents and Judahʼs parents (who were also very involved), were able to fully enter into the joy of our marriage, having walked through our love story with us every step of the way. They were able to watch firsthand how the Lord had drawn us together, and had no doubt that this was His doing. Your story wonʼt look just like ours, but you can fully trust that as you allow those whom the Lord has placed over you as your protectors to be a part of this significant time in your life, He will make it more beautiful than you could ever imagine!
ON A PROJECT.
ASK THEM QUESTIONS
ABOUT THEIR DAY. SHOW THEM THAT YOU ENJOY JUST BEING WITH THEM AND ARE INTERESTED IN THEIR LIVES.
DON’T BE AFRAID TO SIT DOWN AND TALK WITH THEM ABOUT YOUR DESIRE TO BE PROTECTED AND GUIDED IN THE AREA OF RELATIONSHIPS. ASK THEM IF THEY WOULD BE WILLING TO COME ALONGSIDE YOU AS YOUR ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNERS AND GUARDIANS. IF YOU DO THIS BEFORE A RELATIONSHIP HAS EVEN BEGUN, AND THEY AGREE, YOU WILL BOTH BE ON THE SAME PAGE ONCE GOD DOES BRING A YOUNG MAN INTO YOUR LIFE.
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WHEN THEY COME TO YOU OFFERING ADVICE,
RECEIVE
THANKFULLY.
EVEN
IT
HUMBLY
IF
YOU
AND DON’T
COMPLETELY AGREE WITH WHAT THEY ARE SAYING, ALWAYS BE RESPECTFUL AND TEACHABLE IN YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARD THEM.
EXPRESS TO THEM YOUR THANKFULNESS THAT THE LORD HAS GIVEN THEM THE ROLE OF BEING YOUR PARENTS.
POINT OUT
SPECIFIC THINGS YOU APPRECIATE ABOUT THEM, ESPECIALLY THINGS THEY HAVE DONE WELL IN THE AREA OF PARENTING.
ESTABLISH A SOLID BIBLICAL UNDERSTANDING OF GOD’S INTENDED PURPOSE FOR THE ROLE OF PARENTS IN THEIR CHILDREN’S LIVES.
THIS COMES THROUGH CAREFUL
AND PRAYERFUL STUDY OF THE SCRIPTURES. ASK THE LORD TO OPEN YOUR HEART AND MIND TO HIS WILL IN THIS AREA.
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@ r o i r e p u s r a af e v o l f o n o i s ver
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Preparing for Lasting Romance Pop-culture romance has an illusion of appeal. To be the star of The Bachelorette would be the ultimate dream for many girls. Such a lifestyle appears to be overflowing with excitement and romance. But at its core is selfishness. Pop-culture love craves sexual fulfillment at the expense of every other virtue, even at the expense of having a real relationship that actually works. Selfishness and lifelong romance are like oil and water; they naturally separate when thrown together. And most modern couples find out too late that popculture love doesn’t work in marriage. It’s like trying to run a car engine on a fifth of vodka – it will burp, snort, and bang to a halt along the interstate of life only a few miles down the road. When God writes a love story, the first thing He scraps is the notion of selfish love. He is into forever relationships, not five hour flings. His goal is not just to make our relationship work, but to make it thrive romantically for a lifetime. To do that, He must introduce us to a far superior version of love. God’s version of love is not trumpeted by modern media outlets or heralded in the saucy self-help magazine articles of our day.... Click here to sign up and read the rest of this devotional.
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G N I V SER ter s i s a as
e m o h t a t u o g n i r u ly po
Joyful E
ven though I am currently an intern with setapartgirl, for the last year and half I have worked mostly from home – home being the beautiful northeast, USA. I love it there, but leaving the much-loved mountains and plains of Colorado, not to mention the treasured friendships at Ellerslie, and going 1700 miles away was not easy. It was a calling the Lord gave me the grace to embrace. The change has not been easy (at times, it is plain
by AMELIA ARNOLD
hard!), but when you’re in Christ, no trial or struggle is without God’s good and gracious hand upon it. I lived at home before moving to Colorado, but the last year and a half, being at home full-time as a “stay-at-home daughter” has been filled with so many lessons. As I share some of these key lessons with you, I pray that they may serve as a reminder and motivation for those of you walking out a similar calling.
1. True service is motivated by
the Gospel
The first and most important lesson in serving those around us is that our motivation cannot be to make others happy with us, or to help us feel good about ourselves. Rather, our motivation must be the outflow of understanding Christ’s great love for us as revealed in the Gospel. In Ephesians 2, Paul reminds us of our state apart from Christ, that we were dead in our sins, separated from God. “But God,” he continues, “who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved)” (Eph. 2:4-5). When we come to the point where we fully understand the grace and love that has abundantly been poured out upon us, when we see what we have been saved from, how can we do anything less than love Him? And how can we not respond to that love by loving others as He loves? Dear sisters, have you beheld the great love of God for you? Have you seen the depths of darkness He has redeemed you from?
Annie wit h her br o t her, John Do you love Him? Don’t be deceived into legalistic service, serving out of duty to God rather than out of love for Him. He desires your love first and foremost, and for your obedience to flow out of an intimate relationship with Him.
HE DESIRES YOUR LOVE FIRST AND FOREMOST
2. Your family is a mission field Shortly after God changed and saved me, I went with a team of complete strangers to Haiti for two weeks. I was so passionate about serving others, but at the time I failed to realize the most important
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mission field – one that God had placed right in front of me. I have heard it said that sometimes the hardest people to truly love are the ones you love the most. It seems like a contradiction, but there is some truth to it. I loved my family, but when it came down to practically loving them day to day by serving them, putting their needs and wants before my own, I wasn’t really loving them at all. “Wait a minute,” you may be saying. “My family is a mission field?” Yes, indeed! Even if they’re all Christians that doesn’t matter; although, if they aren’t, what an even greater opportunity! Do you have little siblings who follow you around, get into your stuff, and want to hang out with you and your friends? It’s very likely that they look up to you and want to be like you. If you took the time to talk to and invest in them, what eager listeners you would have!
, s g n li ib s r e h h it w a li e m A ia c li A & , n a h t a n o J , k r Ma
Jesus’ Great Commission was not necessarily for every one of us to go to another country and minister to the poorest of the poor. His command was for us to make disciples – of all nations, yes, but “all nations” includes the one you’re in right now, and it includes your family. And making disciples is not just about evangelism, but also the building up and strengthening of the faith of those who are already
3. Your family is your training ground I remember my mom would sometimes tell me, “The way you treat your family members is the way you’re going to treat your husband someday,” to which I would think, Of course not! I will treat him SO much better. The problem was that I could see all the flaws my family had, but the princecharming of my dreams, well, he was perfect! Of course, I had to realize that he wouldn’t be perfect, and that my family was indeed my training ground for marriage. Similarly, I also realized that in any ministry, you’re going to have close relationships with people and they’re not going to be perfect, either. I remember thinking, I don’t want my relationship with future family or fellow workers in ministry to be like it is with my family now! The truth is, however, that it will be – unless you work to change things now. Phillips Brooks wrote, “Some day, in years to come, you will be wrestling with the great temptation, or trembling under the great sorrow of your life. But the real struggle
y b b A & ly r a C , s r e t is Tessa wit h her s saved. You have the opportunity to disciple your family members by praying for, encouraging, and inspiring them in their walk with Christ.
YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO DISCIPLE YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS BY PRAYING FOR, ENCOURAGING, AND INSPIRING THEM IN THIER WALK WITH CHRIST.
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is here, now, in these quiet weeks. Now it is being decided whether, in the day of your supreme sorrow or temptation, you shall miserably fail or gloriously conquer. Character cannot be made except by a steady, long continued process.” This requires work, as well as a steadfast faithfulness in the little things that we tend to overlook or be careless with. But if we look at this time as a training ground and seek to be given to service, the Spirit will bear His fruit in our life in the future.
LOOK AT THIS TIME AS A TRAINING GROUND AND SEEK TO BE GIVEN TO SERVICE.
4. True service is others-focused Service is not just doing your duty; it’s about going above and beyond what is expected. It’s about cleaning the kitchen for your mom when she didn’t ask you to. It’s about offering to clean your brother’s shirt for him, or take your younger siblings to the park. It’s
Elsje and her br ot
hers, Dir k & Wer ner
about taking time to write notes and leave little gifts “just because.”
TAKE THE TIME TO FIND OUT WHAT MEANS THE MOST TO YOUR FAMILY AND SERVE THEM IN THAT WAY...
s e J r, e t is s r e h h it w y Mand
Lauren wit h her br
ot her, C aleb
It’s about taking the time to sit and talk to your siblings or your mom or dad, or maybe just listening when they need someone to talk to. If your family are unbelievers, the best way to show Christ to them is not by preaching at them all the time, but by being Christ to them in how you serve, how you speak, your attitude, and your respect for them. Having Christian parents is a tremendous blessing that I do not take lightly, but even if your parents are not Christians, there’s still so much you can learn from them, and their advice should not be quickly dismissed. Make dinner so your mom doesn’t have to. And don’t just make what you want to make – make your Dad’s favorite. Take an evening to bake your brother’s favorite cookies, even if you can’t eat them because they’re not gluten-free. And remember, if you make a mess, clean it up! I found that I could
SET APART put great effort into making dinner or a special dessert, but if I didn’t clean up, the act of service wasn’t really complete. Different people have different ways to feel loved. Some people like to receive gifts, some prefer things to be done for them, and some just want to spend time with the ones they love. Take the time to find out what means the most to your family members and serve them in that way, whether it’s helping your mom organize the bookshelves, vacuuming the house for your dad, leaving a pack of gum for your brother, or spending some time playing dolls with your little sister.
5.
Remember, Christ is your
example
True service is not just motivated by Christ, but modeled after Him, the ultimate and perfect servant, the One who loved and served others to the extent that He died for them! On the night before He was to be crucified, fully knowing what was going to happen to Him, Jesus still humbled Himself and served His disciples. He washed their feet! Their dirty, stinky feet! Then He said to them, “If I then, your Lord
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and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them” (John 13:14-17). Are we greater than Jesus? If He so loved and served us, how much more should we serve others? We should not serve others to make ourselves look good, or even just to make others happy. When we serve others, we do not primarily serve them; rather, we serve Christ. He is the One we love and seek to honor above all. We delight to follow His example and love those around us. It doesn’t have to be in another country – you can start with your family right now!*
WE DELIGHT TO FOLLOW HIS EXAMPLE AND LOVE THOSE AROUND US. IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY - YOU CAN START WITH YOUR FAMILY RIGHT NOW!
MORE PRACTICAL ADVICE
Elsje
- As a married woman, I often reminisce
fondly about my season as a single in my parents’ home; and it is so clear that God used that time to ready me to serve and pour out selflessly, day in and day out, for my husband and soon-to-be family. In the hectic, scurrying pace of the 21st century, time is something we all feel we could use a little more of. But one of the ways the Lord taught me to serve my family was by investing quality, meaningful time into those relationships – not just a quick chat at the dinner table, or a rushed goodbye as I flew out the door on my way to meet my friends. Instead, I sought to join my mom as she enjoyed her 11 o’clock tea like a proper English lady, or to enthusiastically welcome my dad when he came home, inquire about his day, and then join him on his afternoon jog. The same principle applied to my relationship with my two brothers, although they were not living at home anymore. In our age of social networking, texting, and obsession with hanging out with friends, it was such a joy to see how much it meant to my family that I would cut out things of lesser value and importance to simply spend time with them. It showed them I value and cherish them, and delight in every moment we get to spend together. And in doing so, I discovered that God has given each of us a treasure trove known as our family, and if we want to unlock the joys within, we have to insert the key of good ol’ fashioned quality time.
FROM OUR
set apart girl TEAM
Lydia -
As I am currently in a season of living at home, I’ve come
to understand and realize the importance of serving my family through prayer. It can seem like a simple and unnoticed way of serving, which yes, it is unseen, but it is far from simple. Prayer is powerful and a significant way to pour myself out in loving and blessing my family. I lived away from home last year and learned so much about praying for my parents and siblings, as it was one of the few ways I could serve them during that time. But now, being home again has greatly expanded and deepened my prayers for my family. As I live amongst my siblings and parents, I have the opportunity to see and hear the daily decisions, trials, and joys that fill their lives, and I am thus enabled to know how to specifically lift them up in prayer to our Father. I encourage you to take advantage of your time at home, to observe and pay attention to each person in your family and then take the time to be specific in your prayers. This present season of living at home has been hard as I am extremely busy and don’t have the time to physically serve my family in ways I would like to. But the beauty of prayer is that it can be done all throughout the day – during my long drive to work, waiting in line at the check out counter, or simply while brushing my teeth. It is a privilege to serve and love each member of my family by giving myself in prayer for them.
Lauren
- One of the ways the Lord has led me in serving my family is to be continually praying
for them. A couple years ago, I began to pray for a specific family member or two each day of the week. (I have nine younger siblings, so some days are doubled up!) I have found that when I am faithful to spend time in prayer for them, I am much more in tune with God’s Spirit as He leads me in serving them practically. As I lift them up in prayer, the Lord also reveals the areas where I am falling short in truly loving them. More than anything, I would encourage you to wield your position as a sister by interceding for your family. The fun and practical things like coffee dates, notes, and special treats have so much more value when they are the fruit of fervent prayer!
*
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G
Beautiful Beginnings PART ONE
LESSONS LEARNED IN THE FIRST SEASON OF MARRIAGE
by TESSA THOMPSON
LAST SUMMER,
I had the opportunity to spend a short season at home with my family before getting married in August. I knew that my life was about to change dramatically, and greatly desired to have some treasured extra time with my family, as well as prepare spiritually, emotionally, and practically for the uncharted waters ahead of me. Before returning home, I had decided that during that time I would dig into Proverbs 31 and do a focused study on the life and character of a virtuous wife. I stuck to the plan, and by the end of the month I had a long and colorful document of notes, cross references, and word meanings! It was a great study, and something I look forward to going over again in the future for fresh reminders and challenges. Nevertheless, despite all the things I had learned about godly womanhood from Proverbs, despite the insightful marriage books my husband and I had read together during our season of engagement, and despite the many truths I had learned throughout the years about what a Christcentered marriage does and does not look like – I still arrived at my wedding day as a woman who had not yet walked it out on a daily basis. I had never actually been a wife before, and needless to say, this girl still had a lot of learning to do!
I
HAD NEVER ACTUALLY BEEN A WIFE BEFORE, AND NEEDLESS TO SAY, THIS GIRL STILL HAD A LOT OF LEARNING TO DO! At the time I write this, I have now been married for nearly six months, and it has surely been a wonderful season of growth, refining, and learning to put principles and truths into practice in my everyday life. And yet, though I may know and understand more than I did on my wedding day, I am reminded on a daily basis of how much growing and learning still remains for me
when it comes to being a “Mrs.” and a wife of godly character. In reality, there will never come a day when I finally do fully know and practice perfectly every truth and virtue in this area. However, I joyfully remember the words of Paul, that “…it is God who works in [me] both to will and to do for His good pleasure” (Phil. 2:13), and He is a God who finishes what He begins! He is faithful to teach us every step of the way, even when we have only gone forward a menial inch in the endless frontier of godliness. With a heart of praise and gratitude for the shepherdly hand He has had upon these first six months of marriage, I’d like to share just a few of the lessons He has gently brought to the surface in my heart and mind thus far on the journey.
POURING OUT: A SHIFT IN PRIORITY
We live in a society that encourages young women to spend their single years living completely for self, whether it be the pursuit of pleasures, possessions, status, or romantic fulfillment. In light of that fact, I am very thankful that during my early 20s, the Lord showed me a different pattern to live by, a lifestyle that joyfully turns away from self and pours out for the lost and the least. During those years, the Lord gave me various opportunities to serve, and continued to press upon me the fact that no matter what season I am in, He has a claim upon it, and I am not here to live a life of ease, comfort, and pleasure, but
and hummus for dinner, I now had the responsibility to put more time and thought into cooking real meals.
rather a life that lays down such “rights” for the sake of His name and kingdom. This mind-set followed me into marriage, but once my husband and I got settled after our honeymoon, I began to see how different my schedule would be as a married woman in comparison to the one I was used to while still single. What was once “my schedule” became “my and Nick’s schedule.” While I once had the more flexible option of pushing my work schedule into the evening hours, or making up lost hours on the weekend, it was now necessary, as well as honoring to Nick, for me to maintain a regular work schedule and be available to him in the evenings. And while I was once accustomed to quickly grabbing a plate of veggies, pita chips,
Soon, I began to wonder what new ministry opportunities the Lord wanted me to take, or in what ways He was already leading me to give myself, and grew worried that I wasn’t giving enough time to serving others. I’m supposed to be living a poured-out life for others, aren’t I? But how can I when I don’t have as much time to give? As these questions lingered in my mind, the Lord’s answer came with gentleness: “Tessa, before you worry about living a poured-out life outside of your home, make sure you are living the poured-out life I have called you to live inside your home.” He faithfully reminded me that I had been given a great responsibility and opportunity to live a poured-out life for my husband, to serve him each day with my time and energy, to pray for Him, encourage Him, and selflessly bless him in whatever way I could. Marriage was not something I had to “work around” in order to find more time to minister to others. Rather, marriage was now my primary field of ministry, my daily priority when it came to pouring out for another.
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TRULY, GREAT MEN
OF GOD HAVE BEEN SHAPED THROUGHOUT HISTORY BY WOMEN WHO JOYFULLY EMBRACED THEIR GOD-GIVEN CALL AS WIVES, KNOWING THE LORD WOULD USE THEIR DAILY GIVEN-NESS TO IMPACT ETERNITY. Titus 2:4-5 says that older women are to train the younger women to “...love their husbands and children, to be selfcontrolled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands…” (ESV). Here we see that one way older women are to pour out is by teaching younger women both godly virtues and practical skills, relating to marriage, family, and home life. But how can they teach those things if they are not first living them out on a daily basis, keeping their homes and loving their husbands and children with excellence and intention? The virtuous wife in Proverbs 31 is one
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who “reaches out her hands to the needy,” (Prov. 31:20) but before that, it is said that “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain...She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household…” (Prov. 31:11,15). She is clearly a woman who is giving time and energy to those outside of her home, but as a whole, it is implied in this chapter that her primary ministry is to her family. Now, this doesn’t mean that once I am married and have a family, I have done my “duty,” and don’t need to worry about serving anyone but my husband and children. It doesn’t mean that caring for the orphan, the widow, and the poor is a job left solely to single women. And it doesn’t mean that cooking a fabulous dinner must always come before any ministry outside of the home. Whether we are married or not, the least and the lost of this world have a claim on our lives, and the Lord will open doors for even busy wives and mothers to pour out their time, resources, and energy on their behalf, whether it be alongside their husbands on the weekends, or by themselves while their husbands are at work (or both!). But even so, these opportunities do not nullify the beautiful calling a wife has to first selflessly pour out for her man, even if the task at hand seems less “spiritual” or glamorous than other ministry work. Truly, great men
of God have been shaped throughout history by women who joyfully embraced their God-given calling as wives, knowing the Lord would use their daily given-ness to impact eternity.
WIFELY IDEALS:
A HUMBLED PERSPECTIVE As I approached marriage, one of the things I was most excited about was growing in the area of “keeping the home.” And though I was certainly not a chef by any means, I had learned enough to be excited about cooking dinners, trying new recipes, and baking yummy treats (all with the hopes that my husband would be quite impressed). It was a challenge at first to come up with good ideas for meals, and figure out how to allot the right amount of time in the late afternoon to prepare the specific dinner I planned to make. One afternoon, just days after we had returned from our honeymoon, I was determined to excel in my “wifely duties” and cook a really tasty dinner of homemade herb focaccia bread and sun dried tomato and basil pasta. A few minutes after I started, Nick came up to the kitchen and asked if I wanted any help. Now, I’m sure that normally such
a request from a husband would be greatly appreciated. But such was not the case that day. I assured Nick that I was fine, and thanked him for offering. I tried to be nice and nonchalant in my response, but inside, my emotions immediately welled up in a defensive inward cry: I am the wife – I’m supposed to make dinner! I am perfectly capable of doing this all on my own! If you just stay downstairs, I will have everything perfect and ready by 5:30! (I’m really glad this was not actually said out loud!). Nick went back downstairs, and as I went back to gathering ingredients, I was so worked up inside that I felt I could burst into tears! I just want to be a good wife! It is my job to cook dinner and keep the home, isn’t it? Gently, the Lord opened my eyes to see that I was holding on to a defined ideal of what a wife was supposed to do and be, and I was seeking to find security in living that out in the way I thought it should look. And because of that, Nick’s kind and wellmeaning offer to help came across as a small offense and a (much-needed) wound to my pride.
MY SECURITY AND CONFIDENCE IS TO BE IN CHRIST ALONE,
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AND WHO HE IS IN AND THROUGH ME...I MUST ALLOW THE LORD TO DEFINE WHAT MY WORK AS A WIFE IS TO BE EACH DAY... I laugh now when I look back on that night and think about how much I over-reacted inside. Nonetheless, I hold it as a significant day on which I learned an important lesson. Though the God-given responsibility to be a “keeper of the home” is a great gift and
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privilege, and though it is important for me to highly value that role, my performance in that area is not to be something I look to for security and self-confidence as a woman. My security and confidence is to be in Christ alone, and who He is in and through me. Furthermore, I must allow the Lord to define what my work as a wife is to be each day, rather than looking to my own definitions, ideas, and ideals. At that time, Nick was working from home, and simply had more time and availability. In no way was he trying to imply that I was incapable of cooking dinner on my own, or that he didn’t appreciate my desire to cook for him. He simply saw it as a way to
I CAN REST IN
TRUSTING THAT I AM WALKING OUT MY ROLES IN A WAY THAT WILL PLEASE HIM AND MOST BLESS NICK.
spend some time together. Just because he was helping with a task that is typically considered to be the woman’s territory, it did not necessarily mean I was’t being faithful to my God-given responsibilities, nor did it make me “less” of a wife. When
I allow the Spirit of God and His Word to show me my work, responsibilities, and opportunities to serve Nick each day, I can rest in trusting that I am walking out my role in a way that will please Him and most bless Nick. Surely, there is much, much more to be learned as I continue to walk out this calling the Lord has given me, and I will still be learning up to the day I leave this earth. But until then, I will be increasingly thankful for the gracious patience of my God, who is so constantly faithful to teach us how to rightly walk the path He has laid before us. And until then, I will joyfully take up my husband’s offer to help with dinner (on occasion, of course!).
*
Eric and Leslie believe that a thriving marriage, not just a surviving one – should be the aim of every couple. The first few months of a new marriage is like the “wet concrete” stage of a relationship – the habits, both good and bad, lock into place. Roles become defined. Communication methods settle themselves in for the long haul. Sexual and emotional intimacy gets off to either the right or wrong start. Every couple has a choice of how they are going to begin their proverbial ride into the sunset. If you proactively maximize your first 90 days of marriage, you will avoid years of heartache, disillusionment, and having to “un-learn” all the wrong habits that were set in those early months. Marriage is serious business. It’s intense, it’s challenging – it’s important work. However, we hope this book will display that marriage is also romantic, fun, and full of magical wonder.
THE FIRST 90 DAYS OF MARRIAGE by bestselling authors ERIC & LESLIE LUDY “This book is outstanding....Eric and Leslie start out with a bold assumption - that marriage can be great and that people need to strive for a fairy tale marriage instead of hoping to just get by. I’d give this book to any couple who are going to be getting married soon, it could be the most important book they read on marriage. ” - Amazon.com review
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Marriage mamahood Moments from my life.
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MAMAHOOD: THE FAITH OF A FOUR-YEAR-OLD Jesus said, “Unless you humble yourself and become like a little child, you shall not enter the Kingdom of Heaven” (Matt. 18:3-4). How easy it is for us adults to over-complicate our faith! When it comes to believing God is as big as He says He is, we often analyze our emotions or assess our past experiences to decide whether we truly agree with such a grandiose idea. Children are much more simple in their understanding of God... READ MORE.
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OVERCOMING Mommy-Exhaustion Practical Ways to Rise Above Defeat Everyday by LESLIE LUDY
A
week ago I decided to spend some one-on-one time with Avy, my three-yearold. One of her favorite things to do in the world is go to our local gymnastics studio’s “open gym” for preschoolers, where she can climb, jump, hang, and flip to her heart’s content. So I dressed her in sweats and drove her to the studio, prepared to cheer and applaud as she showed me all her newest “tricks.” When we arrived we found that the gym was absolutely packed, overflowing with rambunctious three and four year olds and exhausted looking parents. Then I realized – it was spring break in our town, and none of the pre-schools in the area were in session and some of the day-cares were closed as well.
school had taken its toll on these parents, and now their little ones were running wildly out of control as they sat and completely zoned out, or vented to their friends about how difficult their children were and how chaotic their lives felt.
Avy was oblivious to the crowd, happily jumping on the trampoline, and catapulting into the foam pit. But I couldn’t help noticing how dismal and depressed most of the other moms seemed.
Exhaustion and depression begin to creep over my emotions.
“I can’t wait until nap time comes today,” one mom was saying to her friend, “I’m going to make them sleep for three hours while I collapse on the couch in front of the T.V.” All around the gym, I observed moms staring blankly into space, looking tired, drained, and burned-out. A week of no
There have been plenty of times in my motherhood journey when I can fully relate to those sentiments. Usually it happens when our normal routine is interrupted and life is busier than normal, or when we are going through a major challenge or trial in our ministry that causes a lot of distraction. Suddenly the kids behavior seems to go south, the house looks like a tornado hit it, and I start having the distinct feeling that I’ve just been in a train wreck.
In fact, the other night was one of those times. Eric had been out of town for three days so I was playing the role of single mom. The weather had been strangely snowy and cold despite the calendar saying it was spring. So, as a result, the kids were cooped up in the house, bored,
and missing Daddy. They were emotional, needy, whiny, and hyper. I was also in the middle of a huge organizing project, which meant that there were piles all over the house that kept getting bigger as the kids dug through them looking for “treasures.” I was frustrated that the house seemed to be getting messier and messier, and even more frustrated that the kids didn’t seem to be able to play happily for more than five minutes at a time without some kind of meltdown. It’s hard to get perspective in those times. Exhaustion and depression begin to creep over my emotions. And my life as a mom starts to seem overwhelming instead of triumphant. From the conversations I’ve had with other parents over the past few years,
I’ve realized that exhaustion, burnout, and depression is something that many young moms struggle with. But I firmly believe that the sacred calling of motherhood was designed by God to be joyful and triumphant, not exhausting and demoralizing. And, if we are willing to receive it, He provides every bit of grace that we need to live out our calling with joy, peace, energy, strength, and victory – even in the challenging times. I’d like to share with you some practical things that have greatly helped me whenever I start having the train-wreck feeling in my motherhood. These simple actions transform my perspective from depressed and dismal to energized and hopeful. I believe they can do the same for you!
1. SPEND TIME IN GOD’S PRESENCE As simplistic as this sounds, it’s easier said than done when your life is feeling chaotic. But remember, your relationship with Christ is the anchor of your soul. If you allow it to fade into the background, every other area of your life will be out of whack. But when we seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, everything else in life just falls into place. So do whatever it takes to have time with Him each day – if you have to get up earlier, sneak away to the prayer closet while your kids nap, forgo Facebook time (I know…gasp!), or
even turn on a movie for your little ones (an edifying one, of course!) spend time in His presence each and every day. Pray, journal, study Scripture, and pour out your soul to Him. Especially if you are feeling depressed or overwhelmed, remember that running to Him, not away from Him is the solution. His Word says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18) When your emotions take a downward spiral, don’t turn to Facebook, T.V. shopping, or venting to your friends – run to the One who truly saves those who are crushed in spirit. You will not be disappointed if you turn to Him!
2. GET MOVING When we are feeling run-down or emotionally exhausted, usually the last thing we want to do is exercise or get outside and take a brisk walk or an invigorating bike ride. However, it’s one of the best ways to clear your mind and refresh your body. Don’t allow the voice of self-pity to speak. You know, the one that whispers, “You poor thing; you have had such a hard time lately. You deserve to stay in bed!” or, “You should take it easy, you know. Lay on the couch and watch movies all day. You are too depressed and tired to do anything else!” Taking that bait can be
deadly to a mother’s soul and toxic to your family environment. Your husband and children need you to be active, involved, energetic, and available. It brings great insecurity to kids when they see their mother lounging around in exhaustion and depression. God has called you to be a keeper of your home, and He will give you the grace to live that calling out if you listen to His voice, and not the voice of self-pity or depression. So get out of bed, get off the couch, and move! Get some uplifting worship music in your headphones and take a brisk walk outside, or go for a bike ride and enjoy
God’s amazing creation. Or, if the weather is not good, find ways to move indoors. I have found that the days I discipline myself to exercise (especially doing something active outdoors when the weather is nice) my emotions are far more stable and calm than on the days when I’m too busy to make time for it. Exercise (when done for God’s glory and not self-glory) is one of the best cures for depression and exhaustion. So ask Him for the grace to get moving!
3. DRESS NICELY Remember, our motherhood calling was given to us by God. It is a position that
we must take seriously before Him, and treat with dignity and respect. When we dress like slobs, we tend to feel slob-ish, tired, and unmotivated as we go about our daily tasks. But when we take time to dress purposefully for our job as keeper of the home, it reminds us of the importance of what we are called to and helps bring energy and dignity to our role. This doesn’t mean that you need to mop your kitchen floor in an evening gown and high heels. But even if you are just staying home all day, don’t just throw your hair into a messy ponytail and wear grungy sweats. Take a few extra minutes to “beautify” in the morning – whether it’s layering a colorful cardigan over a casual shirt, putting some curl in your hair, or adding some lipstick and
SET APART
a bit of fun jewelry – taking time to polish your appearance will give you purpose and energy for the incredibly challenging role you play each day as Mom!
So, the next time you are feeling that trainwreck approaching, run to the One who can turn your exhaustion into exhileration.
family
4. LISTEN TO TRUTH One of the best purchases I ever made was an audio version of the Bible called The Word of Promise. I download the audio files to my Iphone and listen to the life-giving words of Scripture as I get ready in the morning, do projects around the house, and drive in my car. Filling my mind with Truth is energizing. It grounds me in Him instead of allowing my emotions to take control. It brings a sense of peace, order, and comfort to my mind and heart, even when my circumstances feel chaotic. It also keeps me spiritually sharp and focused on eternal things throughout the day, instead
of allowing my mind to meditate upon meaningless earthly distractions. Listening to worship music is also edifying and life-giving. It brightens my entire perspective on life when I play a song that leads me into the presence of the King. I like to put worship music on when my kids first wake up in the morning, and right before they go to sleep at night. It seems to set the right tone for our morning and evening routine. (And as an extra bonus, when my three and four year old are busy singing along to worship songs they forget about the toy that they are squabbling over, or the fact that one of them just stepped on the other one’s pinky finger.)
*** Motherhood is not easy, and never will be. There are a lot of times when I flip open a Pottery Barn Kids catalog and find myself wishing that my kids’ rooms could always look that perfect, their bedding could always stay that crisp, their clothes could always stay that clean, and their attitudes could always stay so peacefully content. (Hmmm, maybe if we just had that cute table and chairs, or that adorable bedspread in the girl’s room…?)
But the reality is that all the boutique kids’ clothing and designer furniture in the world can never create a truly peaceful and orderly home or a thriving family life. It’s
SET APART a supernatural gift of grace. And it’s only found when we align our lives, hearts, and attitudes with the Author of peace and joy! So next time you are feeling that train-
family
wreck approaching, run to the One who can turn your exhaustion into exhilaration. Faithful is He who called you, who also will do it! (1 Thess. 5:24).
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...run to the One who can turn your exhaustion into exhileration.
o d Kid Spot
ff u st cute
the ludy kiddos are
SAYING & DOING HARPER, age 6
She’s obsessed with getting a dog. Her canine buddy, Tucker, (my parents’ dog) passed away a few weeks ago, and she took it pretty hard. She started dreaming of getting her own little dog to cuddle with, pet, and take care of. I made the mistake of telling her, “Maybe we will be able to get you your own dog someday soon,” and now that’s all she thinks about. She has collected a ball, a throwing stick, a bag of doggie treats, and a leash, and keeps them all under her bed, ready for when her new dog comes home. She even has a locket ready to put her dog’s picture in. So, it’s inevitable…the Ludy home is soon to be graced with a four-footed furry addition!
KIP, age 4 He is catching a vision for all the great things he can do when he “gets big.” He especially wants to be like Daddy when he gets big. The other day while we were eating breakfast he asked, “When I get big, can I baptize people and drink root beer, like Daddy?” If you know anything about Eric Ludy, in his pastoral role he frequently baptizes, and he definitely loves root beer. Eric said, “Well, I guess that sums up my life pretty well!”
HUDSON, age 8 He never stops inventing and coming up with business ideas. At the present time he is drawing up plans for a theme park named Hudson Jack Ludy Films Land, a movie-production company named Hudson Jack Ludy Films, a restaurant called SunBurger, and a toy company which makes Lego-compatible toys and sets. When he’s coming up with his brainstorms, he paces around the kitchen and talks about them, just like Daddy. Watch out world, this kid is going to shake things up!
AVY, age 3 She has been quite envious of her sister Harper being in the His Little Feet Choir, a singing group made up of orphaned and vulnerable children and children who have been rescued and adopted. She was asking me if she could be in the choir when she got bigger and Harper told her, “No, you can’t because you were not adopted.” Avy began wailing in despair and cried, “I’m never gonna get adopted!”
CommonLife SISTER of the
MEET JANA Jana Witherspoon | AGE 33 HEROES OF THE FAITH: CORRIE AND BETSY TEN BOOM
FAVORITE QUOTE:
“IF I ask to be delivered from trial rather than for deliverance out of it, to the praise of His glory, If I forget that the way of the cross leads to the cross, and not to a bank of flowers, If I regulate my life on these lines, or even unconsciously my thinking, So that I am surprised when the way is rough, and think it strange, though the Word is ‘Think it not strange, count it all joy’, Then I know nothing of Calvary love.” --Amy Carmichael
CommonLife SISTER of the
Q:
WHAT ARE SOME OF THE BIGGEST WAYS YOUR LIFE HAS CHANGED SINCE CHOOSING TO LIVE SET-APART FOR THE LORD?
Living a set-apart life has changed my values and what I believe is important, the way I spend my time, how real my prayer life and quality time with God is, and the list could go on and on! My life has taken very different twists and turns than what I at first would have thought I’d be doing! I remember
as a young teenager, I wanted to see and also live the “real thing” in Christianity, but it has been, and continues to be, quite a journey of growing and learning to know Jesus, really depend on Him, and let Him have my life. I have made –and still make – a lot of mistakes. I recall at a young age being willing
Without Him, I really can do nothing.
to be a missionary or in some type of ministry, but unsure of where or when. Then, as the Lord led in my circumstances and opened doors, I became a registered nurse back in 2005, something I wouldn’t have considered doing only a few years before. A job as a nurse’s aide first made me realize that I really loved the serving and caregiving part of this vocation. To me it became clear that it was a ministry and not just my “job.” I also thought at first that the reason I was so strongly led to become a nurse was because it was training I could use in a foreign country, while doing missions work. (And, that may still be in the future...) But when I got a job on the Pediatrics floor at the hospital, I quickly saw things that were going on in the foster care system, and
the Lord got a hold of my heart and changed my life even more, very clearly leading me in to a mission
CommonLife SISTER of the
field that I hadn’t known was practically right on my doorstep. I had never before considered being a foster parent. All the reasons why “I couldn’t do that,” God took away one by one. He showed Himself to be more than strong enough – although I am not. Within a year, I went from being the single girl with four days off a week (who actually kind of spent her spare time on herself) to foster parenting a twoand-a-half-year-old girl. Following that, I fostered a baby who was on oxygen, then two toddlers. And then came the miracle of adopting my little boy (who used to be the baby on oxygen!). Later, I fostered a very fragile newborn with special needs, and now the 5th foster child, a one-year-old girl, has been with my son and me since November. Big changes, but good ones! And
We get these ideas about what life should be like, but God’s values are different.
in all of the practical ways I have needed to be stretched, there has been a spiritual journey (which I’m definitely still on) – learning to truly trust God and not be fearful, learning firsthand that He is all I need, and – very important – learning that without Him, I really can do nothing.
Q:
YOU WORK IN HOME HEALTHCARE AS A NURSE. HOW HAS GOD USED THIS VOCATION TO STRENGTHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM? I actually have a very wonderful and non-stressful job with flexible hours, which is a huge blessing! I quit the hospital a year ago (after six years), to do only home health nursing. During the hospital years, my relationship with God was strengthened in learning to depend on Him and trust in Him in a job that was very stressful! Now my work is a joy (although I would always love to just be home with
You know God has worked a miracle, and to see it firsthand is amazing!
my children – but I do get to work part-time hours!), and I thank God for that, too. I feel privileged to care for my home health patients, who are all children with special/medical needs. In this job I get to catch a glimpse of God’s heart and His love for every life, even those whose lives may not be “typical.” We get these ideas about what life should be like, but God’s values are different. I also see it as a blessing to be able to serve, and this kind of vocation gives me all kinds of chances to be His hands and feet to very special people. His image is so evident in every one of my little patients!
CommonLife SISTER of the
Q:
WHAT ARE SOME OF THE GREATEST JOYS AND CHALLENGES YOU HAVE ENCOUNTERED IN FOSTERING AND ADOPTING AS A SINGLE WOMAN? Speaking of the joys first, my children add so much to my life! I love getting to spend time doing typical children’s activities with them, and seeing how much joy they receive from the smallest things! I love watching children grow and learn about the Lord, and learn all about life, too. Also, it has been a joy to watch a child change from scared, angry, abused, and neglected to actually thriving. You know God has worked a miracle, and to see it firsthand is amazing! I also have been shown time and time again that the Lord can and does care for my children and me in all circumstances, and that I do
not need to do this alone. Adopting my son was one of the best gifts I have ever been given. I have never looked back, and the commitment was an absolute joy because this child was and is so precious to me. As for challenges, one would be childcare! At times, it has suddenly not worked out, and I’ve needed to find someone new and make sure I could get to work. But each time, God has worked out the seemingly impossible. Another hard part in fostering is loving a child who might be given back to the birth family or relatives, while everything is up in the air and unpredictable, for what seems like a long, long time! I have to believe that God is bigger than the foster care system, and is in control. And I have to PRAY.
Q:
WHAT ARE SOME WAYS YOU PROTECT YOUR TIME AND...
...INTIMACY WITH THE LORD AMIDST YOUR BUSY SCHEDULE? I have learned that I need to get up a little ahead of the children and spend quiet time with the Lord early
in the morning, or it won’t happen later in the day. I see spending time with Him as absolutely vital – that relationship is, and must continue to be, my first priority. I also pray and listen to a lot of worship music throughout my day, even during
CommonLife SISTER of the
busy or loud times. But that quiet time alone with God certainly makes a difference for me in keeping my eyes on the right place.
Q
DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR GIRLS WHO ARE STRUGGLING TO WALK OUT A SETAPART LIFE IN A SECULAR ENVIRONMENT, SUCH AS COLLEGE OR WORK? :
I would just say, above all, seek Jesus Christ first, and ask Him to teach you how to keep your eyes on Him. Nothing else is as important as He is. There are a lot of distractions out there, and people who are ok with mediocrity. But seek Christ first, anyways – it will be worth it.
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. . . t s r fi st i r h C ...Seek . t i h t r o w e b l l w i t - i A FEW OF HER FAVORITE THINGS My Utmost for His Highest, hiking in the mountains, long walks with my children in a double stroller, coffee shop time with friends, coffee of any kind; especially caramel macchiatos, growing a garden, ice skating, rocking a child to sleep, Colorado sunsets and sunrises, learning foreign languages, reading books to children
The following was a question that came into our ministry and was beautifully answered by Tessa Thompson. I hope you will be blessed and encouraged by what she shared.
with a set-apart girl
Q & A
Q&A
Q: A:
I have been struggling with my spiritual walk. I’ve been through a lot of pain in my life, and have been trying so hard to be diligent and turn things around, but I still feel like a slave to sin. These past few months have honestly been an emotional and spiritual roller coaster ride. I hit these incredible highs where I feel very close to the Lord, see Him working in my life, and have a certain peace within my soul. But then the next week I will drop extremely low. I’m getting so tired of these changes – how do I find that consistency in my relationship with God? Consistency is perhaps one of the most difficult victories to experience in the Christian life. Modern Christianity does not seem to believe much in such a thing, and that “up and down, up and down” pattern is seen as a normal frustration that Christians must simply accept and do their best to work through, while still maintaining at least a little bit of spirituality at all times. And yet, Scripture does not seem to encourage us toward accepting such a pattern, but rather a walk that is unshaken and immovable: “Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord” (1 Cor. 15:58). “I have set the LORD always before me; because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved” (Psalm 16:8). “Surely he will never be shaken; the righteous will be in everlasting remembrance. he will not be afraid of evil tidings; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. His heart is established; He will not be afraid, until he sees his desire upon his enemies” (Psalm 112:6-8).
Q&A I remember walking through a season in which I was experiencing this same pattern. God had allowed a certain difficult circumstance into my life, and despite its challenges, I so desired to walk through it triumphantly, to joyfully go on believing God’s promises, and to have a strong and steadfast relationship with the Lord. But no matter how “high” I was one week, it seemed my problem always got the better of me, and before I knew it, I was back in a state of discouragement, weakness, and despair, finding little comfort from God and unable to stand upon Truth. Over the past few years, God has shown me a few different reasons why I was struggling so much to remain, consistently, in that place of joyful trust, peaceful resolve, and increasing maturity, and I believe that they are common in the lives of many Christians who are having the same struggle.
1. Standing on Fact One of the causes of my “up and down” life was a result of my standing upon fickle emotions and experience, rather than the Word of God. In other words, I was fixed upon feeling rather than fact. And as we know, our emotions can be all over the place at times, making for quite an unsteady foundation upon which to build a victorious walk with the Lord! If I wanted to remain strong in the Him, those ever-changing feelings could not dictate my life. Rather, my eyes were to be tightly fixed upon Truth – the unchanging character and nature of my God, the unchanging work of the Cross and my freedom from sin and selfishness, and the unchanging reality of His great and precious promises. I envisioned myself to be like Peter, walking on the water. I constantly pictured Jesus with His arm reaching out to me, challenging me to take one step further toward Him. If my gaze was upon Him, I could continue on. Only when I looked away and focused on the winds and waves of emotion and experience would I sink.
Q&A
2. Obedience in the Small Things Another thing that hindered me from consistency was disobedience. The problem was not some big, obvious lifestyle of rebellion. Rather, it was seemingly small ways throughout the day in which I was not walking in accordance with the standard Christ had called me to, joyfully yielding to that “still, small voice” as He instructed me in specific situations. This had a direct, negative effect on my relationship with the Lord, hindering my intimacy with Him. It is hard to draw close to the Lord in sweet fellowship when we are ignoring His leading and not walking in His ways. And if we are unable to draw close to Him, with the comfort that a life of daily obedience brings, we will surely not have a consistent, victorious walk.
3. Resisting Enemy Lies If the enemy does not have the joy of seeing us completely lost, having no relationship with God whatsoever, then the next best thing for him is to do anything he can to make sure the relationship we do have with the Lord is shaky, defeated, and unfruitful. And thus he will feed us many a lie to make us believe that we are making no progress whatsoever, and that we might as well give up trying to have a strong and steady relationship with the Lord. It’s like when Nehemiah and the Jews were rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem, and their enemy came to taunt them, saying,”Whatever they build, if even a fox goes up on it, he will break down their stone wall” (Neh. 4:3). In other words – “There is no strength to this wall; it won’t last a day!” This is what the enemy wants us to believe when we are seeking to walk upward and onward with the Lord. When we have a yielded heart and
Q&A open ear to the Lord, He will be faithful to show us the weak spots that need strengthening. Otherwise, we must walk forward in resolute faith, knowing that He who began a good work will complete it. Oswald Chambers sums it up well in his devotional My Utmost for His Highest: “When you have no vision from God, no enthusiasm left in your life, and no one watching and encouraging you, it requires the grace of Almighty God to take the next step in your devotion to Him, in the reading and studying of His Word, in your family life, or in your duty to Him‌We lose interest and give up when we have no vision, no encouragement, and no improvement, but only experience our everyday life with its trivial tasks.
I constantly pictured Jesus with His arm reaching out to me, challenging me to take one step further toward Him.
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Q&A The thing that really testifies for God and for the people of God in the long run is steady perseverance, even when the work cannot be seen by others. And the only way to live an undefeated life is to live looking to God. Ask God to keep the eyes of your spirit open to the risen Christ, and it will be impossible for drudgery to discourage you.� A strong, steady, and fruitful walk with the Lord will not necessarily include a great and life-changing mountaintop experience each day. Forward movement, maturity, and stability come with each small step taken forward – every act of obedience, every Truth believed, and every lie refuted, no matter what you see or feel. Look to Him and trust that He is able to do this work in you!
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the LOST ART of
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TRUE BEAUTY In today’s sex-obsessed society, pop culture’s idea of feminine beauty seems to be all about looking like the hottest models, movie stars, or pop singers, but the end results are often tragic – overwhelming insecurity, eating disorders, and sexual promiscuity. This book presents a whole different vision for feminine loveliness as God intended it to be – the breathtaking radiance of a young woman who has been transformed by Christ from the inside out. This book offers a lot of practical advice about how to:
• showcase Christ’s beauty in the way you dress, act, and live • overcome insecurity and see yourself as God sees you • become attractive to the right kind of guy • build your femininity on God’s values instead of the world’s
The Lost Art of True Beauty will lead you on a life-changing journey to become a woman of feminine loveliness, inner radiance, and timeless grace!
“I love how The Lost Art of True Beauty blends the sacred and the practical in such a simple, beautiful way – it truly is a treasure to read. It takes the foundation of a life fully surrendered to Jesus Christ and then provides ideas that allows the reader to implement them into their own lives.” - Amazon.com review
AMELIA RECOMMENDS: Chosen to be Holy by Alan Redpath
FOR THE AUDIO, CLICK HERE In this powerful sermon, Alan Redpath speaks about how being a Christian means we were chosen by God not just to be forgiven of our sins, but to be holy – a reflection of the One who redeemed us. But this holiness is not just supposed to be positional; God calls us to be holy in our practical lives as well. It is a responsibility we must take seriously, as we daily resist the natural “old man” desires that oppose all that is of God. As we seek Him and submit to His Word in obedience, He gives us more of Himself. As we stand on the faithfulness of God that He has chosen us in Christ to be holy, we can have confidence that He will supply us with the strength we need every day, and will bring it all to completion in the day of Jesus Christ!
classic { sermons}
RECOMMENDATIONS FROM OUR TEAM
MADISON RECOMMENDS: Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God
by Jonathan Wesley
FOR THE TRANSCRIPT, CLICK HERE Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God was a sermon given by Jonathan Edwards in the 1700s. When reading the words, visions of the preacher passionately pounding his fists into the pulpit to get every point across come to mind; but in reality, this was given in a monotone manner, the preacher simply reading from his notes. Yet the effect of such a sermon was great, sending many in his congregation to repentance. This powerful message allows you to see the wrath of God in a very vivid way, and while the nature of this sermon is a sobering one, it will both encourage and stir you to go and do as commanded by preaching the Gospel and making disciples. It is a sermon to be heard more than once!
“THIS IS THE VERY PLACE
MEANT BY GOD TO TURN OUR EYES ON HIM.” - Elisabeth Elliot
LIVING FOR ETERNITY investing your life in what really matters WHAT MAKES PURITY WORK a warrior-poet’s perspective
inthenextissue
LESLIE’S RELATIONSHIP SERIES, PART 3 how to build a Christ-centered romance