Liberate your Love Life

from BLUSH Magazine- Spring/Summer 2020

Perfect Travel Companion

Look, let’s just jump to it ... we’re talking about S E X ... E arth to all those reading – you don’t have to be swinging from the chandeliers in nothing but nipple tassels to enjoy a healthy lovely sex life, (with or without a partner).

The point is, sex is an important part of being human – it is a pleasure and energetically cathartic, and it can make us feel great on several levels... releasing those happy hormones; and making us feel loved and valued – this is the case if you are selfpleasuring or with a partner (or several).

There are no limitations on what you could do in the bedroom – or indeed, in the car, the kitchen and so on ... but sex doesn’t have to be raunchy and experimental to be great, because a nice slice of afternoon vanilla delight can be just what the doctor ordered.

The main thing whenever referring to sexual activity is for it to be mutually consensual. And this leads to the first of these seven sexy tips that will have you feeling liberated when it comes to your love life...

Tip 1: If you don’t like it – don’t do it – but don’t mock it if you haven’t tried it either. Know the difference between being curious and feeling safe enough to try something new, compared with feeling pressured either by peers or by your partner. Just because your best friend enjoys something and raves about it over your catch-up coffee doesn’t mean it is right for you and your partner. And just because your partner wants you to do something – even if you are in a committed relationship – this doesn’t mean it is something you have to do! For those in committed partnerships, if there are clashes with styles of how and where and what you enjoy in the bedroom, then you are going to have to communicate more; discuss what it is you are both after from each other and this alone can be liberating, and even a form of foreplay.

Tip 2: Moving nicely on to foreplay – some people love it, some get bored, some don’t get it at all – or understand it. Foreplay can be as basic as a wink, or a flirtatious look or comment, a gentle touch or a full-on grope; leading on to more intimate interactions. Again, you need to be able to communicate with your partner – this does not mean stopping half way through an interaction and asking a practical or scientific question, (often a massive turn off). We’ve all been there! Human communication is made up of over 80% body language and other signals – so if you can sense your partner needs a little assistance unwinding, then help them out a bit – you are in this together so to speak... and if it is you that needs some extra prep time then encourage it or discuss this with your partner at a convenient point – so when the time arrives it isn’t a surprise when you grab their head and direct it to a desired spot.

Tip 3: Know when to stop talking. A little bit of flirtatious banter is great. As is a tad bit of pillow talk. Or Raunchy chat! But there is a fine balance right!? Communicate, yes. But hold back on those off-putting conversations for when you are doing the dishes and not when you are doing each other. Try not to even think distracting thoughts, you know the ones like – What should I make for dinner? Or did I lock the car? Or what is that strange mark on their shoulder?

If you have any level of conversation with your own thoughts or with each other, then it is bound to be about general life; the stresses, the special moments, the family tension, finances... and the list goes on. All passion killers! You want to liberate your mind and free thoughts so you can enjoy each other... whether you are new partners and you are fretting over the other’s judgment, or long-term partners that need to discuss the loft conversion – just shush already! Park it all for now, and free yourself. Yep, let go completely and enjoy what comes. You may have to physically bite your tongue to stop thinking or talking... better still go in for the kiss and gently bite your partner’s lips. There, easy! Sharing a shower can also help you both stop the chatter, or massaging each other to a point of relaxation (another great foreplay option).

Tip 4: No tipples... You probably are screaming at the page at this point. Look, one glass of something is nice to unwind. But drunk sex isn’t that liberating – it is a pseudo liberator – yes, the inhibitions are down – but it’s sexier to choose the passion and togetherness without the clumsiness, fuzzy head or bloated feeling.

Tip 5: First timers – those who are getting down to it with a new partner for the first time – may want to consider keeping it simple. See what happens naturally – enjoy each other. Learn about each other’s bodies. Even go slow... but maybe it is best to save the kinky ideas for the second, third, or future date; this way neither of you will be pressured to perform, and you won’t be setting expectations. Sorry to sound like your mother - but be prepared too! Ensure you have contraception covered, unless of course you are planning a family immediately, then go with the flow and the more relaxed you are, the more likely you will conceive straightaway.

Tip 6: Liberation comes with knowing your own mind and body – and so take the time to feel your body, the curves, the skin and so on – what you like the feel of and the sensations that arise naturally – so when you are with your partner and you recognise these same sensations you can go with it and enjoy the journey. Self-pleasure is like any other self-learning. There are many people that consider it cheating, that consider it dirty even or consider it ‘abnormal’ – and so just as with Tip 1 – do not feel pressured to try masturbation if it makes you feel uncomfortable – but self-love and self-freedom are important connections before finding these things within a relationship with another person. So, if you want to wear new beautiful or sexy lingerie – do it because it makes you feel great – it is when we feel our most confident and free that our partner gets to enjoy it. It is not selfish to think of ‘me’ first – it is sensible.

Tip 7: Be playful, and remove expectation of what you think sex ‘should’ be like... just enjoy being next to your partner. Life is about a balance of give and take and consider this when sharing sex with someone. When we feel free within ourselves we get this balance spot-on and love and sex and conversation and all that is involved in a healthy physical, emotional, and mentally stimulating love life become so easy and natural that you stop thinking about it and you just allow it to unfold, and this is the definition of a liberating love life.

Photo credit: Pexels Image

let go completely and enjoy what comes

Butt... do I have to!?

If you think that hours of running on the treadmill is going to get you the butt you’ve always wanted, then think again, because Personal Trainer Marc Dressen says “Research shows that targeted fat loss is just a myth”, so here are five of the best butt exercises that will actually tone, sculpt and lift...

1. SQUAT:

This form of body-sculpting is one of the most effective exercises when it comes to building muscularity in the lower body, and strength. If you want a great butt and fantastic legs, then you need to squat deep, and use a wider stance. Why? Because the deeper you squat, the more work your legs and butt need to do. You can take these to jump squats too: make sure you keep your form as you jump and land.

2. DEADLIFT:

Once you’ve mastered the squat, it will be time to move on to the deadlift. This exercise trains every aspect of your body at once. It is particularly beneficial when it comes to building your glutes and hamstrings, because it involves a lot of interaction with these areas.

3. ROMANIAN DEADLIFT (RDL):

The beauty of this exercise is it also shapes your thighs and strengthens your lower back at the same time.

Ask your personal trainer at the gym to show you the most effective way to do these weightlifting deadlift exercises.

4. HIP THRUST:

This is the secret weapon for building up the muscles in your butt – and you’ll find it in almost every athlete’s routine. There are plenty of variations for the types of hip thrust that you can do, but for getting a great butt, you should focus on singleleg, band, and barbell options.

The bottom line is that the process for building an incredible butt is no secret. All you need to accomplish great things is persistent work with easy, straightforward exercises.

5. THE LUNGE:

Last but not least, this incredibly basic and popular movement is excellent for carving out great glutes. Though some people still don’t recognise the lunge as the perfect movement for butt exercise – research has shown that the glutes are essential for pulling you back to the standing position. If you can’t do regular lunges due to problems with your knees, you can always opt for a reverse lunge instead.

The bottom line is that the process for building an incredible butt is no secret. All you need to accomplish great things is persistent work with easy, straight-forward exercises. Combining the knowledge and exercises we’ve outlined above should get you on the road to an incredible butt in no time.