Sharp Women Magazine | August 2020

Issue 3, August 2020

The Boho Life Choose Growth: Overcoming a Fixed Mindset Keeping our Lids On: Showing up for yourself and those in your world The Three-legged Stool: A Solid Plan for Starting a Business recipe

Chilied Chicken and Pasta The Toxicity of Secrets |1

WELCOME

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

RISK TO BE VULNERABLE

W

oohoo - we had summer! Hope you didn’t blink and miss it. Even though 2020 has been pretty challenging and our short summers might not have made up for the months we spent cooped up, I hope you had some time on the water, in the park, around a fire or a BBQ, or whatever – just being outside and enjoying life.

and investing and working at a steady job, that your life will go according to your plan.

It doesn’t allow for market dips, economic downturns, or pandemics.

The truth is that you can, to some degree, keep yourself safe. And if you can live a deeply fulfilling, satisfying life full of passion and joie de vivre doing so, then more power to you. But, for most of us, it’s a life of compromise, trading in who we are for a version of life someone else said was right. Most of us want more.

What if I told you that you could save and invest and work a steady job and still have more?

And speaking of enjoying life, as I was editing and What if I told you that you could have stability in writing this issue, I noticed, in several articles, a uncertainty? And what if I told you that none of common thread emerging: risk. Interesting how this would be possible without risk? sometimes, without intention, a message sort of just comes through.

Risk is stepping into your largeness. Risk is a We’re (still!) in a time of uncertainty. I don’t need to spell it all out for you; you’re living it.

What I’ve noticed, what I’m learning, and what I see as necessary in this time, is taking risks.

Too often, risk is associated with recklessness and foolishness. We have been taught, by the post WWII era thinkers, that being comfortable and safe is the pinnacle of success we can and should expect. But that presupposes that, if you do absolutely everything right, saving

willingness to be vulnerable, to put yourself out there, to say what you want without apology.

During this time of uncertainty, with the fall of 2020 approaching, consider what risks you can take to move toward sharp living.

Enjoy the read.

Stay Sharp!

From our hearts to yours, enjoy!

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The Editor reserves the right to proof and edit content, without changing the intent. The Editor reserves the right to challenge statements and assertions of fact where citations or proof of fact is not offered.

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IN THIS ISSUE

Table of

CONTENTS 04 learned lessons through infidelity 06 THE BOHO LIFE 1 0 OPPORTUNITY IN CHAOS 1 2 THE THREE LEGGED STOOL 1 6 the toxicity of secrets 1 8 Not Playing Safe AnYMorE 2 2 KEEPING OUR LIDS ON 24 choose growth 26 FAITH IS A RISK 28 LIVING HER BEST LIFE 32 stressless spending 34 FOOD FEATURE 38 Candid conversations with 40 PRINTABLE WORKSHEETS

RANCHELLE IN THE RAW LIVIN’ THE DREAM BUSINESS PROFESSIONAL GROWTH PERSONAL GROWTH SHARP WOMAN FEATURE: TANYA COLLARD RELATIONSHIP HEALTH AND WELLNESS SPIRITUALITY YOUNG ENTREPRENEUR FEATURE - candice smiley FINANCES Food, Family, and Culture Candice Smiley Rewrite your Story

THANKS TO OUR CONTRIBUTORS OUR TEAM GUEST CONTRIBUTORS Cathy Forner, C4ner Consulting Business Column Danielle Klooster Editor-in-Chief

Ranchelle Van Bryce Chief Executive Officer

Rachelle Scrase Director of Photography

Melanie Mitchell Epp. Your Limits Lifted Finance Column Bobbie Corona, AB Edge Painting Food Column Kari Lotzien, Be the Anchor Ltd. Relationship column Janessa Marshall, The Forum Red Deer Health and Wellness

Candice Smiley Director, Sales and Marketing

Elizabeth Smith Sales Coordinator

Ryschell Dragunov Director of Design

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FROM THE CEO

RANCHELLE IN THE RAW Learned Lessons Through Infidelity

by Ranchelle Van Bryce

we were separated and so they were exchanging nude photos and sexting each other. I felt like someone had punched me in the gut.

Nausea overcame my body and soul screamed out in anguish. Calmly, I suggested she must be mistaken as he would never do that.

We had a ‘perfect’ marriage, full of love, love-making, fun and joy. She profusely apologized and said when she found out he was lying about our marriage she ended their nfidelity. Mention this word ‘relationship’. and most human beings squirm. It’s an uncomfortShe offered proof that he able subject for most and was being unfaithful. To be one that people often avoid, honest, I was happy to give which is why I chose it for this month’s Ranchelle in the her my email as I knew that it would be proof that she was Raw. This article might be mistaken and that someone painful for some people and was pretending to be him. comes with a warning label She wasn’t. Within minutes of language and adult conthere it was. Naked photos tent. of him in our bedroom, in our kitchen and in my office.

Pain shooting through my I remember the first time that I found out my husband heart; I remember being the most upset about the nude was cheating. I was at work photo in my office. I kept my and I received a phone call appearance calm and cool at the Curves in Camrose. A at work, excused myself and lovely woman on the other immediately drove home to end of the phone said she confront my husband. was a member who wished to be anonymous and wanted to apologize to me as What happened at that moshe had been flirting with ment is not as important as my husband. He told her

I

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the space between the first and last time and the lessons I received after the last time.

Before this experience, I often wondered why women would ‘put up with’ a cheating husband. I judged that they didn’t have the self respect, self confidence or self love to ‘do something about it’. Oh, how wrong I was.

After the first time, we went to counselling and he promised to never do it again. He shared in therapy that the reason he did it was because he felt intimidated by me and because he was retired (he retired at the age of 38 due to our business) he felt worthless and less manly because I was the major breadwinner and that he was bored.

I bought into that - hook, line and sinker. It was my fault.

He promised it was just a mis-step, a mistake and he would work on himself. I continued Therapy. He didn’t.

I continued personal development. He didn’t. I believed that our marriage was saved.

It wasn’t.

I stayed to work it out. I thought our marriage was worth it. However, what I didn’t tell anyone was that I also felt like I HAD to make it work. You see, I was so AFRAID. He was a stay-athome Dad and I didn’t want to be a weekend Mom. I also had a deep secret… there was no ‘fucking way’ I was going to pay him spousal support because he was a lying, cheating, asshole.

And with that very fear in my head, I decided to make it work, to work through what we needed to work through, to do MY work in healing and move forward.

Part of me buried my head in the sand. I see that now.

I didn't see that then. We worked through the infidelity (or so I thought), the impotence (from guilt he said), and each one of us with our own self confidence issues.

Mine, built on the judgement that only weak women stay with a cheating husband and that people only cheat if the sex is bad (another myth).

Six years after that incident, I discovered that he’d had a girlfriend for about 18 months AND had been with a co-worker while being married to me and dating his girlfriend. I have to be honest with you: a part of me died that day. It has been the most painful thing I have ever experienced and I have experienced many horrible things in my life.

But …. It has also been the most liberating thing in my

life that has brought me so much joy, passion and love.

The lessons have been uplifting and here they are.

1. I am not responsible for another person's feelings or behaviours.

They are 100% responsible for their own actions.

2. It doesn't matter how much I love someone; if they don’t love themselves, they cannot see their light and brilliance AND it is not my responsibility to ‘make’ them see what I see.

3. I don’t have to know ‘why’ someone is unfaithful or behaves the way that they do.

That’s not my pile of shit, that is theirs.

8. Pay attention to my intuition. There were many signs along the way that my former husband was unfaithful multiple times over the years we were together.

9. Love ME first, because then I will have more of me to love others.

10. Be honest and have tough conversations.

This is my raw story. It’s not for pity and it’s not shared in shame. I am grateful for the lessons it taught me and would not be who I am today without this painful, but real, part of my story.

Stay sharp.

4. To love myself means many things, and one of them is that I make decisions for myself that uplift and support ME. 5. I have a purpose in this world and I need to share my life with someone who is not afraid if I ‘shine’ brighter then they do. We all have a purpose and a journey.

6. Someone isn’t unfaithful BECAUSE I did something. They are unfaithful for their reasons; I do not accept responsibility for that.

“Above all, be the heroine of your life.”

– Nora Ephron

7. Do not make decisions in fear. Make decisions with faith and with Love.

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LIVIN' THE DREAM

The

Boho

Life

By Dawn Derrien

I love when it’s warm enough that my children can run wild and free, soaking up all the lessons nature has to teach them.

I

always feel the most at home during this time of the year when the sun is shining and its warmth touches my skin, when my garden is over flowing with fresh veggies and herbs begging to be turned into a salad, tea, or concoction for my skin that will nourish my soul. I love when it’s warm enough that my children can run wild and free, soaking up all the lessons nature has to teach them.

Creating a Sanctuary I have found that the best way to “live the dream” is to create a sanctuary, a place that is wild enough to spark my imagination, but also structured enough to maintain my focus. My trick is to keep things in it that serve a “purpose”. I structure my life so that relationships, activities |6

and possessions have a reason for being there; it helps eliminate the distractions so that I can focus on creating the life I truly want. Building connections with people and nature, making brave decisions, and making time for play allows me to be grounded and gives me the right balance of focus and creativity to live a sustainable life. Because, let’s face it, life is crazy!

Isn’t it funny how dreams change, evolve and then refocus to reflect what the soul truly desires? When I was in my 20’s I envisioned a simple life filled with beauty, family and deep connections to the earth and creative living.

Then in my 30’s I pictured a super cool career, nice shoes, fancy diners and social events. I went back to school, got a degree and landed my dream job. Of course, life always has a way of redirecting you in the direction it is meant to be. I soon discovered I was pregnant with my 4th baby! That took the wind right out of my sails. It made me take a good hard look at who I was, what I wanted and most importantly what I was capable of giving the world. This baby made me realize all I had missed with the other 3 while I was busy striving to achieve the life I thought I wanted.

A Life, a Lifestyle and a Business As it turned out, I wanted a life where my business and family were interconnected, a place to form relationships with others as well as connect like minded people to each other, and a place where we could all connect with nature and art in a sustainable way. Then I gave birth to my 5th baby, and The Boho Apothecary and Studio was born. I have always envisioned a life where family and business intertwined and now, I can make that happen. Our children are able to learn through nature and art in our children’s programs.

They learn entrepreneurial and leadership skills with their veggie booth or helping with the classes. They learn about the environment and how to nurture it so they are able to live a sustainable life and connected to the earth.

But The Boho is more than just a business, ’s a lifestyle.

Boho is short for bohemian, and

the definition for bohemian is unconventional in an artistic way. I have always been a free spirit, looking for adventure around every corner. Once I became a mother, I thought I had to tame my wild spirit. I struggled with being tied down. I found comfort in discovering adventure and new things in my own back yard. Exploring and crafting with wild medicinal plants was one of those outlets.

Painting and creative expression was another.

Being “authentically-you” can sometimes be the bravest thing a person can be. Creating a life that is a true reflection of yourself is not only vulnerable but is also a challenge all on its own.

It is so easy to do what we are told, to follow the normal and accomplish what we are told to accomplish. But living a true boho lifestyle includes making decisions that may not fit into the societal norms. It means looking for beauty in some really interesting places, and the most beautiful thing is that it will be different for everyone. For me, it means shopping from local growers, makers and artists and making those connections to the person. It means finding those one-of-a-kind items and gifts that are truly destined for the final owner. It means connecting with nature, paying attention and being aware of your environment. I find it romantic knowing who grew my food, and where it came from. I love knowing that when I buy a gift for someone, it was handmade with love and there is only one exactly like it. I also feel good knowing that things are grown or made in sustainable ways that respect the land. Sometimes that land is my own and I get a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment knowing my hands created it whether it be food, lotions and potions or art.

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Doing or Being

Joy in the Journey

All too often we get so caught up in the “DOING” we forget to just “BE”. A wise woman once told me that we are not human “doings” but human “beings” and that statement has stayed with me. How often do we truly take the time to enjoy life,to play, create, explore, to savour what has been given to us? I would love to say that I do this every day, but sadly, I don’t. However, I can say that I am fortunate enough to always do something I love. Going through Covid social distancing has taught me how important it is to play, finding those outlets to play for play’s sake and just enjoy the life that is given. It has also made me conscious of what play looks like for me in an ideal situation and how to incorporate that into my daily life. I moved to Bentley because it was 5 minutes to Gull Lake, and honestly that lake has become a major component in our life, whether it is cross country skiing, wild foraging or simply connecting with nature.

For me, living the dream doesn’t mean that we have reached our end goal; it means being brave and making decisions that get us there. It means being happy with what we have instead of always focusing on what we don’t. It means taking the time to enjoy all that we have worked for and have been given and connect with each other and nature.

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Dawn Derrien is Founder and Beauty Curator at The Boho Apothecary & Studio in Bentley. She is a multifaceted creative who enjoys creative living, sharing art and nature with others and living a sustainable life. When she is not mixing it up at The Boho Apothecary she is busy raising her 4 kids, dog, cat, and chickens along side her husband in their 100-year-old home.

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BUSINESS

OPPORTUNITY

IN CHAOS

How to Live and Work While Riding the Waves of Change

by Cathy Forner

We’ve been discussing in the last few business columns how to capitalize on, thrive and even grow during this uncertain time.

T

he pandemic does not appear to be going anywhere anytime soon, and, with school starting in a few weeks, there is a great deal of nervousness around what this will mean for the economy – will things be shut down again? We’re all in ‘wait and see’ mode.

Project Management and Planning In working with the Red Cross for 20+ years, I was able to bring in my skills to any disaster to help the community, including businesses, sort through the chaos and adapt, finding new ways to serve clients and customers. Even in the most challenging | 10

circumstances, there are opportunities. By using a variety of planning lenses, you can use this uncertain time to undertake good planning and position your business to see and capitalize on new opportunities.

Though some of this is a reinforcement of things covered in the previous two articles in this series, it’s worth restating, because we are still in the middle of all of this and, for many, it’s just getting harder.

So, let’s talk about three different kinds of planning you should undertake:

1. Disaster and Contingency Planning. Ideally, this is the type of planning that is done before the event/incident

– but who saw a global pandemic coming? The focus of this planning for your business is exploring what could go wrong and what cold go really right.

Exploring and preparing strategies will place your business in a position to deal with them should they occur.

The types of items that should be considered include: Who and what services are the most vulnerable?

What would we need to operate and how would we need to do if others around us are also impacted?

Build strategies that answer these questions. Focus on one or two possible scenarios and create potential action plans for each strategy.

2. Business Continuity Planning. This type of planning takes place during the event/incident. The focus is on what is critical to keep the business alive. Ask yourself and your team: • What are the priority services that MUST continue?

• How do we keep that operating in light of all of the changes?

• Can we shift to find a way to keep those items operating?

• How do we monitor and regulate our business at a time when things can shift or change daily?

Focus on essential activities: • Customers & shippers, supporting technology, alternate sites – including online, documents & Materials, people, tasks • Staff priorities • Virtual workspace/ presence • Work & workflow A key question to consider while doing business continuity planning is: What is changing, what trends am I seeing, and what could it impact?

3. Back to Business or Recovery Planning.

Recovery planning needs to start sooner rather than later. This is where you need to consider a long-

term change in the way you have been doing business, because you might – most likely will - need to be streamline and adapt.

Things to consider: • Do I need to shift/pivot my business model?

• What do I need to put into place today to shift?

• Who are priority customers, vendors/ suppliers, impacted staff?

• With whom, what, how and when do I need to communicate?

With each of these planning avenues, you will want to bear in mind the legal and insurance aspects. Check with your service providers throughout the process, before you decide on and take action in a given direction.

If possible, bring in a project manager to help. As a neutral third-party with great project management skills and experience, this individual will be able to see what you might not, and help you navigate the process, saving time, money and a lot of frustration.

Create Calm in Chaos When crisis hits, we often want to regain a sense of control over our lives and businesses by doing something. The good news is that there’s actually a lot you can do!

Financial crisis management, human resources crisis management, sustainability planning, exploring scenarios and watching for opportunities can put your hands back on the steering wheel.

Reach Out

It’s important not to lose sight of what really matters in the course of all this Doing: people!

You need to practice good selfcare and mind the emotional and mental health needs of your team. Without your people, you haven’t got a business!

If you are struggling with finding new ideas and innovation to maintain or grow your business reach out to business resources, local coaches and counselors, and stay connected with friends and family. We are all in this together, so don’t go it alone.

Happy planning and stay well.

Cathy Forner, owner of C4ner Consulting, specializes in tackling unique, complex organizational challenges with clear, actionable steps. She has planned for and responded to emergencies and disasters for over 30 years, including the Los Angeles Earthquake, the Manitoba Floods, the Southern Alberta Floods and the Asian Tsunami.

With more than 25 years of experience in virtual and in-person projects, as well as her business management expertise, Cathy has led changes across a diverse range of organizations and industries. Her unique approach, effective for small businesses and scalable for municipalities and not-for-profits, focuses on the strategic development of processes that achieve goals and increase operational efficiencies.

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PROFESSIONAL GROWTH

THE THREE-LEGGED STOOL

O

Creating a Solid Business Startup

ne of the hardest things about starting a new business is knowing where to start. Right after that is what to do next, and then after that, and then… you get the picture. What should you do and in what order?

Entrepreneurs are actionoriented people. We love to DO things. So, most entrepreneurs get a great idea and jump right into doing things, or tactics. The problem with that is, without a solid strategy, the entrepreneur can end up wasting great amounts of time and energy and great sums of money stumbling along somewhat blindly. Sometimes, critical errors are made that can tank the whole enterprise before it’s even out of the gate. Taking | 12

By D

the time to develop a rock-solid strategy can feel frustrating to the “doers”, but smart business folks know that investing in good planning mitigates risk and sets them up for success. Think of it as dreaming – who doesn’t like to dream?

You’re just going to attach action steps to the dream so it can become a reality.

entrepreneur focuses on only one or even two of the legs but ignores another, the enterprise is rickety and weak and in danger of breaking down.

Stable Enterprise

In my coaching practice, I use a process with startups called “The ThreeLegged Stool”.* Basically, there are three “legs” one must build, all in tandem, in order to create a stable enterprise. If an

Product/Service

Business

Personal

checking out the competition!

You want to find out: • Is there a market for my product or service?

• Enter the market

• Who will buy?

• Tweak again

• Where are they and how to I reach them?

• What regulations do I need to know about?

• What technology can help me in my business?

• What economic trends and factors can help or hinder my business?

• Who is my competition?

What are they doing right? What are they missing that I can fill?

Danielle Klooster

Here are the basic items that need to be part of building each leg of the startup stool:

Product/Service Leg This leg is our idea.

Entrepreneurs love this leg, because they’re in love with their idea. They eat, sleep, drink and breathe this leg. They lay in bed at night, planning out their product or service in the finest minutiae. But there are many steps they miss because they don’t know what they don’t know.

To give your idea the best chance to see the light of day, the very first thing you need to do is market research. This is a BIG undertaking – much more than surveying friends and

• Tweak your product or service

I’ll cover basic market research in a future column. Start with researching these questions and see where it takes you.

Based on the answers you get, you’ll either pause (stop), pivot (change directions) or proceed (have your assumptions validated and go forward as planned).

• Test and validate more

Business Leg This one trips up startups all the time. The entrepreneur instinctively knows he/she needs to have a business in order to make money off of their product/service, so what they typically do is get a bank account, get a website and logo, maybe register with the CRA (all tactics) and think they now have a business. But, as has been the theme here, strategy and planning must come first.

Here are the steps to building your business leg: • Undertake market research (business research) • Identify your top 3 target audiences

Once you’ve done you market research, you’ll then need to: • Develop a conceptual design of your product or service • Develop a detailed design of your product or service • Do you need a patent?

Or Intellectual Property (IP) Protection?

• Test your product or service with a beta test group (with minimum viable product - MVP) | 13

• Map out your path to market • Identify fixed and variable costs • Set pricing • Create a budget and cashflow projection • Develop a marketing strategy • Write a business plan • Secure capital (investment, financing, bootstrapping or a combination) • Register your trade name • Register with the CRA • Partnership Agreements or unanimous Shareholder Agreements (if applicable) • Legal Review if applicable • Determine and secure your team – set contracts or employment infrastructure • Get a bank account • Develop bookkeeping system or hire a bookkeeper • Develop branding • Create a website • Secure a payment processing system • Enter the market What to do once you’ve entered the market and are in the validating stage of business is another topic for another time. I would also highly recommend that you invest in a business coach at the very beginning of this process. This | 14

will help a great deal, as you will avoid costly mistakes and missteps, and not feel alone in the journey.

Personal

Of the three legs, this one is the most likely to meet with avoidance and lack of understanding. One might wonder what one’s personal life has to do, at all, with starting a business. I daresay that the personal leg has more ability to trip a person up and thwart any progress than anything in the other two legs. Why? Because it’s the hardest. And it might feel like a big, shapeless grey blob full of things you can’t see. So, let’s unpack that.

Here’s what you need to be thinking of in terms of building your personal leg: • Take a personal inventory of your strengths and weaknesses • Determine whether or not you are in a personal position to undertake the startup journey at this time (financially, physically, psychologically) • Ensure you have the support of your family if applicable (time and financial commitment) • Set a personal development learning program that includes: ο Learning about entrepreneurship ο Learning about mindset

ο Skills development ο Personal growth Once again, it must be stressed that a coach is the way to go. A good coach will help you spot self-sabotage and navigate through mindset issues that undermine your progress.

Intentional Business Development The point of this is that you can reduce your chances of experiencing a business failure substantially and exponentially increase your probability of success by being intentional and thorough in your approach to developing your startup.

To help you do this – if it hasn’t been said enough quite yet – get a coach.

Happy Business Building!

Danielle Klooster is a business coach and trainer at Danikloo Consulting. She works with startups and entrepreneurs in a growth phase of business. She is the Chair of the Central Alberta Coaches’ Coalition and Cofounder of Sharp Women. For more information visit danikloo.com. *The Three-Legged Stool is a proprietary training tool of Danikloo Consulting. No reproduction without express written permission is permitted.

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PERSONAL GROWTH

“We’re only as sick as the secrets we keep.”

- Mariah Nemeth

Thanks to Kristina Flour for sharing their work on Unsplash

The Toxicity of Secrets

mostly, no one brings it up. No one wants to rock the boat or destroy the family.

Dana’s dad sexually molested

By Danielle Klooster her for most of her life. It only stopped when she left home.

Dana doesn’t know why, or ana is a young mom what it is about her that brought with a nice home and a budding career in banking. this on, but she knows that exposing the secret would gut She is an active volunteer in her her family and set off a string kids’ sports programs, bakes cupcakes for the neighbourhood of consequences that would children, makes sure everyone is hurt her mother, her siblings, and maybe even damage her happy and healthy, and always brings her favourite casserole to marriage and career. the family functions on holidays.

Secretly, Dana struggles with At the family gatherings, she body shame, self-doubt and makes small talk and smiles a nasty bit of Irritable Bowel and gives lots of hugs to all Syndrome (IBS). She’s sure the relatives. But Dana has a that if anyone knew her secret, secret. She’s pretty sure that even her husband, she would be others in the family know the rejected and looked down upon. secret, and it was even sort of She works hard to do everything talked about once or twice, but

D

| 16

“right” and keep people from seeing the “real” her – a shameful, dirty girl.

Harmful Secrets Secrets can be toxic. This is not about confidences that someone asks you to keep, or surprising your kids with a trip to Disney. The kind of secrets that are toxic are harmful, and always the ones with shame attached. Walking in shame or allowing it to be a leading force in our lives, causes us to disconnect from others and hide. It isolates us and then reinforces itself as a “truth” in our lives but repeating patterns and compounding issues until the mountain of shame is the only thing we see.

Those who grow up in dysfunctional homes, with abuse or addiction, well know the power of secrets. We come to believe that there’s something about “me” that causes the dysfunction, and/or that we can fix it, or make everything okay, or at least keep ourselves safe, by maintaining the secrets.

We decide to keep secrets when we have taken responsibility for, or ownership of, other people’s feelings and behaviour.

What Dana doesn’t understand is that it wasn’t her fault and she did nothing to deserve it.

It was never her job to satisfy her father’s sexual “needs” or manage his emotional problems. It’s not a gift to him, herself, her family or anyone else in her life for her to sacrifice herself to keep him safe. And she’s definitely not keeping herself safe by keeping this secret, even if that’s the story she tells herself. She’s denying herself the right to live wholeheartedly and she’s robbing the world of the gift of the real her. And Dana needs to know that, if she finds the courage to expose the secret, any consequences belong to the perpetrator, not to her.

Lance the boil This is a gross analogy, but, if you’ve ever had to lance a boil, you know that it’s painful, yucky, smelly, possibly scary,

and completely necessary. That poison is all there, under the skin. Undealt with, it grows and spreads and often becomes unbearable. There’s no other way to get the poison out than to slice it open – to expose it.

So it is with toxic secrets.

In the #metoo era, more women than ever, and also men, are finding their voice and taking back their power by lancing the boil of toxic secrets. Such bravery is the first step to healing.

Dana watched a movie – well, part of a move, as she couldn’t handle the intense emotions it brought up in her – about a woman who had been similarly abused. She could see herself in this woman and could also see the profound effects it was having on the character’s life. Dana knows her husband loves her and thinks she’s a good person, so she decides to take a risk and share her secret with him. He’s devastated and heartbroken for her but says that so many things make more sense now. Together, they create a plan to bring healing for Dana and hold her abuser accountable.

Dana wins.

Sidebar:

What to do if you have a toxic secret: • Identify the shame stories you are accepting and believing. Recognize that these stories are not only lies, but they are harming you. Release yourself from those stories and let them go.

• Find someone you trust and share your secret.

• Seek out good counselling with a specialist who knows and understands the framework of your experience.

• Give yourself permission to maintain your boundaries and refuse to take ownership of the feelings and behaviours of others, especially if the secret upsets the family or workplace apple cart.

You’re not responsible for the fallout of someone else’s actions.

• Practice good self-care.

You are worthy of love and kindness, and the world needs the gift of the authentic you.

You’ll get there.

Opening the blinds dispels darkness and lets in light all at once.”

- John-Manuel Andriote Thanks to Priscilla Du Preez for sharing their work on Unsplash.

| 17

SHARP WOMAN FEATURE

TANYA COLLARD Not Playing Safe Anymore

A

Bravery in the Face of Challenge

She comes across as well-puttogether and highly competent.

Some might think that would make her aloof and even cold, but Tanya is a surprise, for out of her flows a river of warmth, openness and beauty. This is because she has made a determination not to play it safe.

“I grew a sevenpound fibroid in my uterus,” she explains.

“I looked like I was five months pregnant for two years.”

n artist and businesswoman with a bachelor’s degree in Fine Arts and a Masters in Sculpting, Tanya Collard is poised, accomplished and intelligent.

“I used to have this limiting belief,” she says, “where I thought, ‘to get love, I need to be perfect.” And she tried.

She played it safe in most aspects of her life, armoring up, avoiding emotions that were too intense, and making careful choices for her life.

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But then, several years ago, something happened that forced her to make a bold decision, to stand her ground and claim what was hers: her uterus.

Surgeon after surgeon told her she had to have a hysterectomy and refused to consider any other course of action. One suggested she should just “get used to the idea” that she would lose her uterus.

Finally, she found someone who was willing to make a

bold move and take the risk she wanted. The fibroid was removed and her uterus, to everyone’s amazement, was functional. Since then, she’s had two little girls, a dream she’d been repeatedly told to give up.

A hysterectomy was the safe bet, but she refused to take that route, and “two beautiful little humans are now alive as a result”, she beams.

If taking the risk to stand firm in what she wanted, and having a positive result, helped bolster her courage, becoming a mother pushed her considerably further.

She says, “I want to model wholehearted, courageous, vulnerable living for my girls.

I want them to know and experience the overwhelming beauty of life and the world and savour every moment.”

Courage Begets Courage Teaching at Red Deer College offered a life of comfort and safety in an arena, art, about which she is passionate. But, as grateful as she was for a fulfilling career in her chosen field, working fulltime also had its limitations, mainly in terms of schedule flexibility and quality time with her children.

Also, not everyone taking her classes was necessarily passionate about art, and there were barriers in place that prevented her from digging deeper and doing ‘soul work’ with students to pull vulnerable creativity out of them.

So, she took another risk, and, about 1.5 years ago, started

her own business, Clarity Art Consulting, where she offers classes and courses, and does art acquisition for art lovers.

“Now, in my classes, I’m free to go really deep with the artists,” she smiles. “We dig into our real, raw emotions and form a deep bond. Often, I spend the class weeping. The process is so beautiful.”

She models vulnerability with her clients, showing them that her classes are a safe place to be and to explore, and to put their souls into creative expression. It’s a challenge to

get people to create from a place of courage and integrity, she admits, because it’s scary to bear one’s soul to the world.

“But that,” she insists, “is what resonates.”

Another challenge that she and artists face is that “everyone feels qualified to critique your work”. One of the most hurtful comments is, “My kid could do that.”

“Yes, your kid probably could do it,” she challenges, “because your kids haven’t stifled themselves yet. They’re creating from a place of honesty and courage. It’s instinctual. So yes, they could do it, but the question is: could you?”

| 19

Embracing Beauty As she steps into her power with courage and gratitude, Tanya finds that the world opens up to her in ways that few people appreciate. She maintains a gratitude journal and holds to a commitment to put ten items in it each day.

“I teach what I teach because I see the world differently,” I see beauty everywhere. Just

looking out my office window – it’s stunning! You could dump me on a gravel road, and every pebble and every shape would be enough for me. Seeing the world this way makes it hard to hold on to unhealthy emotions.

The universe will always rise to meet me. As an artist, that’s my | 20

blessing. And I want others to have that same blessing.”

Of course, stepping into courage and charting your own course on your own terms is scary.

In her words: “I have what I call my ‘fear hamster’. When I decided to start my business, he started going ballistic on that hamster wheel, asking fear questions like, how will I find clients? Who is going to pay for this? Am I being reckless?

But, like Steve Jobs says he asks himself, I ask: ‘If this were the last day of my life, is this how I’d want to spend it?’

I’m very blessed because, most days, I can say yes.

When I get unsure of taking a bold step, I just remember that the universe has rewarded me – EVERY TIME. Even when I’ve failed, the stuff I’ve learned has been so meaningful and valuable to me that I now perceive failure as just road signs, put there to help me course correct. I know that even if my business fails, the thing that comes next will be more concise, more effective and more powerful. I still get afraid, but knowing these things helps me take the risks.”

Even if she won the lottery, Tanya says her best day is a good cup of coffee, sitting with a book, and smelling her children’s hair.

She’s come out of the safe zone and wants to live life alive every moment, with boldness and appreciation. Life is “bloody amazing”, she says, and she doesn’t want to trade in its magnificence for any amount of safety.

Tanya Zuzak Collard completed her Bachelors of Fine Art at the University of Saskatchewan, majoring in Drawing and minoring in Painting and earned a Masters of Fine Art with a specialization in Sculpture from the acclaimed Rhode Island School of Design (RISD).

She has exhibited her work extensively within Canada and the United States, including at Triple Candie Gallery in New York City. She has taught at multiple post-secondary institutions, worked for a variety of galleries and museums, and continues to share her passion for art as a professor of visual art at Red Deer College.

Tanya lives in Lacombe with her two girls.

One day your life will flash before your eyes.

Make sure it’s worth watching.

LEARN TO LEAD THROUGH CHANGE 

Focusing on the art and science of communication



Leadership workshops



Personalized coaching

Kari Lotzien Leadership Coach 403-506-9636 | www.betheanchor.ca

– Gerard Way

| 21

RELATIONSHIPS

Keeping our Lids On

Showing up for Yourself and Those in Your World I

was a “professional”. I had spent over 18 years working with kids who were struggling with anxiety or behaviour challenges and with families who were going through a rough patch. I prided myself on my ability to stay calm no matter what life tossed my way. I had been described as resilient, strong and even “freakishly calm”.

when I reply to a Facebook message minutes after the notification comes through."

Here is what no one tells you: "You are not a superhero and no one is overly impressed by your busyness."

Over time, this intensity and multitasking led to missed deadlines, forgetting to follow up and my mind never felt I prided myself on being a high like it stayed in the moment. I performer, I could multitask with would be thinking about what the best. Cook dinner, review was coming up or would fall payroll and help with homework. into analysis paralysis, going Get kids to the arena, call clients over and over an interaction from the car, burn the candle at that didn't quite go as planned. both ends and finish up emails I started to feel resentful, at midnight. That voice in my unappreciated, unnoticed. mind would say "oh this person I was exhausted. is going to realize how hard I work when they see this email I was tired but I would tell came in at midnight. My team myself, just a few more will feel that I am really there weeks and I will get to rest for them when I answer a call and reset with some warm on a Sunday afternoon. Our sunny holidays. When I found clients will think I am so caring my business short staffed, I | 22

By Kari Lotzien

thought, it was easier to just do it myself than to take time to train someone new. A few more weeks went by, I was exhausted, feeling increasingly resentful of the Instagram posts of my friends celebrating their holidays with ice cream cones and smiling faces. At home, I was snappy with my kids, my hubby and even the dogs. My relentless sarcasm was wearing thin on everyone and my lid was twitching.

You have likely heard of the "flight, fight or freeze" responses when our brains shift to survival mode. It has been compared to the instinctual responses we have when being chased by a bear or are fighting for survival.

We run away, fight back, stand very still or play dead. The trouble starts when our brains shift into this state in non-lifethreatening circumstances.

This might surface when meeting someone new. Your body goes into overdrive, heart

racing, sweating and tense; the next thing you know you are cancelling and saying you're not feeling well (flight). Maybe you have seen someone at the grocery store who couldn't find hand soap and was suddenly hollering expletives at the 15-year-old stocking shelves (fight). In my 18 years of work as an occupational therapist, I would lovingly describe this to kids and families as "flipping our lids." When we react from these protective places that are responsible for keeping us safe, we usually don't have access to the higher levels of thinking and logic. Have you ever tried to reason with someone who is so overwhelmed that they don't seem be able to listen or understand what you are trying to say? Yep, flipped lids.

It sounds so simple, calm down, lower your lid and continue on.

Right?!?

Here is the thing, as adults, we may have learned to control our lid flips but many of us walk around with twitchy lids much of the time.

These recent months have created uncertainty for many people. You may have noticed more people with twitchy lids, overreacting to small inconveniences or you may even be brave enough to recognize these in yourself.

Sneaky signs that your lid might be twitchy: • You are taking on many tasks but often missing deadlines or forgetting to complete tasks • You are not sleeping well or wake up with your mind already thinking of your busy day, week and month ahead • You are more snappy or irritable with those who are closest to you • You "forget to eat" and sometimes get to late afternoon before thinking "did I eat today?"

• You are cancelling appointments

Here is a secret: you cannot get your lid back on by trying to do it all with a checklist or schedule. You will not feel calm and focused by managing your time better.

I had to take the most important first step to calming my twitchy lid by honestly acknowledging that I didn't like how I was showing up for the people in my life that truly mattered.

I had to let it sink in that my friends and family felt they were interrupting my business when they just wanted a few minutes of my time. I had to take off the

superhero cape of busyness and let myself fall. I had to admit that I couldn't do it all and I had to ask for help.

I coach the keys to managing your lid using research based, neurological strategies. We get to the root and then learn strategies and techniques to stay stable no matter what life throws your way. I don't teach this because I have it all figured out; I teach it because I live it and I want to have a life that feels fantastic. I want to be responsive instead of reactive and when I sit with my family, I want them to know I am present in this moment.

This is how we create the life we crave.

Kari Lotzien is a leadership and communication coach at Be the Anchor Ltd. Kari Lotzien offers professional coaching and workshops. She combines neuroscience with the art of communication and leadership for both your business and personal life. She guides you how to be your own anchor, to maintain a point of security and stability that remains solid no matter what turbulence life brings your way. She is the founder and owner of To the Stars Occupational Therapy and Wellness Centre and Be the Anchor Ltd. In her spare time she loves writing, kayaking and being in her garden. She is married to her high school sweetheart and has two (almost grown) kids.

| 23

HEALTH & WELLNESS

Choose Growth: Overcoming a Fixed Mindset

By Janessa Marshall

I

hear the words toning up, weight loss, diet and when I hear phrases like these

I rebel, I fight, my soul cries

to shift our mindset from what we’re used to, but let’s first dive into the differences between a Fixed or Growth Mindset and why this matters.

Our Capabilities

I hear, ‘do this,’ ‘be that,’ ‘act THIS way.’ I hate that the worthiness of our health has been drilled down to an aesthetic, a number or a fixed result. In reality, lasting health cannot come from a fixed mindset.

Lasting health needs to come from within - a growth mindset. Still with me?

• Fixed: when we believe we have a certain level of skill, expertise or qualities that deep down we believe cannot change.

• Growth: we believe through effort, consistency and hard work we can develop said skills, expertise or qualities to improve.

Long term results, the ones that stick - this is where we foster a growth mindset for our health. It’s not always easy

• Fixed: Failure = we are not good enough. Our failures are a direct reflection of our worth.

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Failure

• Growth: Failure = Opportunity.

So, let’s talk Growth Mindset and how it can change your world.

Wherever you are, whoever you are, let’s meet you there.

Growth is growth and the goal is growth. Amazing things can happen when you are willing to work from where you are today.

The results that will drastically change your life first come from a recognition and willingness to start there. If we can give ourselves the opportunity to work from the inside out this allows us to experience understanding, growth and

long-lasting results. This growth mindset gives us the grace that we need to be successful. Which moves us into our next point…perfection.

Perfectionism It will not be perfect. It will not be easy; but you are worth it.

This mindset is vital to your health. If we can choose not to seek perfect, we choose growth and success. We’re busy, we have a social life, we have obligations, let’s not plan as if these do not exist. When we switch over to a growth mindset we start to realize that 10 minutes is better than 0 minutes, and if we missed our Tuesday workout this does not make the whole week a write off. Heck, even if we missed Tuesday through Friday, still not a write off. Let’s throw perfectionism as our definition of success out the window. It is not sustainable.

1. Begin Where are you at, today? Need help? Ask. 2. Growth Goals Start thinking about what you’d be doing differently, today, in your ideal world. What needs to change so this becomes reality? What things could you incorporate now? What tools and resources do you need to accomplish this?

Janessa Marshall has been in the health and fitness industry for just over ten years and finds that it’s not simple, it’s not easy, it’s definitely not black and white – but what it is, is worth it. She works with clients to overcome perfectionism and ‘the shoulds’. She owns The Forum Red Deer.

3. Action Create a plan of action that works in YOUR life. Be realistic and remember that sustainability is essential. You don’t need to spend hours in a gym to see results or starve yourself, what we’re aiming for is growth, choosing better and seeking to be a little bit healthier than we were yesterday.

CHEER! Lastly, be your own biggest fan. Cheer so loudly for your success that you can’t hear that niggling voice of perfectionism in your head. Be proud of your failures, because you tried something new. YOU are experiencing growth.

“Get Off The Scale” ― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free | 25

SPIRITUALITY

Faith is a Risk

By Danielle Klooster

S

ome people think of faith as a passive activity, a giving up of one’s personal power and responsibility to some mystical force that is supposed to magically make everything turn out okay. That’s not how my faith works. Faith is not an abdication of power or responsibility, but rather, a form of partnership in my life with a Being who has knowledge and information I don’t have, but who also, like me, has my best interests at heart.

Don’t make the past a roadblock For some, even a conversation about faith might make them feel an attack of hives coming on, if they have had negative religious experiences in the | 26

Thanks to Phuong Uyen Vo Hoang for sharing their work on Unsplash.

past. I, too, have had my share of unhappy and unhealthy religious encounters. In many ways, my misconceptions became roadblocks, leading me to cut off avenues of faith and spiritual relationship. Relearning to trust and be open spiritually, to make faith mine and not someone else’s version, has been a journey.

Another way that the past can be a roadblock is when we are disappointed by an apparent lack of answer, or undesired outcome, when we do have faith. For me, this leads to the old “I don’t want to get my hopes up, so I won’t be disappointed” line of thought.

Don’t get me wrong: I have thought that way a time or two in my life, too. But I have come to realize that if I’m going to be disappointed, I’ll be disappointed whether or not I

have gotten my hopes up – so why not hope? We got in the direction of our thoughts and we create the reality we believe in and for, so I choose hope.

I choose faith.

Risky Faith If faith is not a passive abdication, but rather an active, powerful partnership that offers tangible results in my life and real experience, then how do I walk that out? What does that look like?

I’m glad you asked.

Let me use my business as an example. I was preparing to be in business before I ever knew I would be in business. I built a strong network, a good reputation and a meaningful skills bank. I didn’t know the

road ahead, but God did, and he was helping me prepare. When I decided to start my business, I did all the things I advise my coaching clients against: I did no market research, just decided what I would offer in business based on my skills and a perceived problem I saw in the marketplace, threw together a logo and a Facebook page, and voila! I’m in business, right?

I didn’t even have a website.

Within three days, though, I had enough business to quit my job and go full-time in my consulting practice. Here’s the thing: I had to take a risk and step out in faith before the work materialized. It felt right, and I’d certainly checked in with the Big Guy, but, if I hadn’t taken that risk, I would not have received the reward.

I’ve been in business full-time for six-and-a-half years. In that time, I’ve found that whenever I let fear “drive the bus”, and, in a panic, I start grabbing at projects, more often than not, they aren’t what’s best for me. I might get the work, sure, but it can be tough slogging. Not the ideal client, not the ideal work.

But, when I sit in surrender, in faith, and ask my Partner to show me the way and bring me what I need, He always delivers.

The phone rings; the email comes in; an inspired thought comes through and it’s fulfilling, meets my need and offers me opportunities to learn and grow.

it’s certainly counter-cultural.

I mean, aren’t we supposed to sit with sharp pencils and plan everything down to the squares of toilet paper? Well, yeah, I am that person, too. I believe in planning and strategy – it’s the bedrock of what I coach and train.

Let’s think of it like flying a kite. You build a good kite, with all the aerodynamics and string and material and so forth. Then you find the right spot, on the right day, with the right amount of wind, and you employ the kite-flying skills you have developed to get that kite up in the air. But once you’ve launched, is it you flying the kite, or the wind? I think we can agree it’s both. You need the wind, and the wind is helping you (y’know, like a partner), but you have to take action, using your skill and experience, with the right tools.

Faith, for me, is like that. I need to do my part, but I need the wind. We have to work together.

I could try and fly it against the wind, but that would be exhausting and completely unsuccessful. Setting myself up for success means gathering the tools and resources, sharpening my skills, and then trusting God to see things from is vantage point, and be the wind. When I lean into trusting him, he moves things in the right direction.

Go fly a Kite

Taking the Risk

Running my business this way may seem counterintuitive, and

I’m not sure exactly why I have to step out in faith and take a

risk before I see things come into reality. Perhaps it’s me testifying to myself with my act of faith, and that’s what’s needed for me to see a thing come to fruition. Or perhaps it’s because faith is the essence of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen, as scripture declares. And that requires risk.

Danielle Klooster is a business coach, trainer and consultant at Danikloo Consulting. She is also the cofounder of Sharp Women and the Editor-in-Chief of Sharp Women Magazine.

“I have learned that as long as I hold fast to my beliefs and values – and follow my own moral compass – then the only expectations I need to live up to are my own.”

– Michelle Obama

| 27

YOUNG ENTREPRENEUR FEATURE

Candice Smiley

S

Bravely Living her Best Life

he’s a mom. She’s owner of a tiny home.

She’s adopting a vegan lifestyle. She’s an entrepreneur, growing multiple businesses simultaneously.

Candice Smile, owner of Create the Ripple, knows she lives unconventionally – and that’s on purpose. But Candice says living a unique lifestyle and building businesses is not for the faint of heart.

“Wanting to be brave has made me brave,” “I don’t need to have it all together in order to take | 28

action; I just need to have a clear picture of the life I want.

I always look ahead ten years and ask myself who I will be, who I want to be, then. And I am thinking about her all the time. Will she be proud of me for what I am doing today, the progress I am making, the steps I am taking to become her? I know that if I want to become ‘this’ at 46, I need to do ‘this’ today. That guides me.”

Purposeful Intention and Taking Opportunities Of course, it doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t happen by accident. Raised in

an entrepreneurial home and learning to be comfortable in her own skin has positioned Candice well to know what she wants and to go for it.

“I was a people pleaser, and I was driven by competition because I was leaning for external validation. I wanted to be liked more than I wanted to be respected,” she explains.

“Transformation came when I started looking internally for validation. Now, I intentionally avoid paying attention to what others are doing. I turn to my own energy flow. I work with my team to assess whether or not we are reaching our own goals, rather than comparing ourselves to others.”

Once she became okay with herself, she says, she didn’t need to compete, and she no longer needs to be the smartest person in the room. She looks to herself as a source and to her environment as a resource.

And opportunities present themselves in abundance.

Covid-19, for example, presented a wonderful opportunity to prioritize her business goals, but also to prioritize self-healing.

“Time is the most valuable resource,” “and it is a non-renewable resource. Covid gave me the gift of time and it has been lifechanging, in a really good way.”

She recently purchased a tiny home and moved it onto her parents’ property. She homeschools her five-yearold daughter, which has many advantages for both of them.

“I get to have a flexibility in my schedule that allows me more

time with my tiny human,” she says, “and she gets the benefit of watching her mom be a strong, independent woman, while surrounded by family support. I love having the freedom to wake up every day, dwell in possibility, and ask myself, ‘What am I going to create today?’”

She gets to decide, and she never takes that for granted.

Leveraging her Network Candice started out in business doing wedding and event planning, but her passion for communications and connecting people soon moved her into marketing. She is happiest when she is creating great connections for others.

But, she says, when she was starting out, she didn’t know anyone, and wasn’t sure how to market herself. She had the process for building a business, but how could she authentically connect with her audience?

The saying, “If you take care of your network, your net worth will take care of itself” sounded right, but she didn’t know what exactly a network was or how to build it.

That was when she discovered the book The Go-Giver

by Bob Burg and John David Mann.

The principles in that book were personally revolutionary for her.

“Instead of trying to build this massive personal network and audience, I realized that the key was in my love of referring,” she declares. “I learned that I only need 5-10 people who already know me, love me, and trust me to start referring me.”

She started attending events but leaving her own business cards at home, instead taking the cards of people she knows, loves and trusts. In conversation, she found it effortless to talk about others and refer them. This was how business started flowing back to her – the law of reciprocity.

It was a lot more fun, she says, and enabled her to get out of her own way.

“I learned not to only hang out where my clients are, but to hang out where my referral partners are.”

This synergistic way of business building has leverage points in it that cannot be accessed in conventional business-building systems. | 29

Getting Comfortable with Success After getting comfortable with herself and comfortable with being brave and comfortable with risk, Candice has found a potential tripping point in being more comfortable with failure than success.

Living the saying, “Fail early, fail often, fail forward” became a great rule of thumb, but what does one do when all of the courage, determination and perseverance pays off? Candice says that she relates to the Marianne Williamson quote about being more afraid of our light than we are of our darkness.

So, to help her move out of a “stuck story” and tell herself a different story, she relies on mastermind programs, constant learning through reading and listening to audiobooks and podcasts, journaling and leaning on trusted friends for wise counsel. And, she says, when she can’t get herself all the way to a full affirmation, she writes out a statement that feels true

| 30

but also feels like ‘relief’.

“For example,” she explains, “I used to believe I had to work hard for money. I changed my belief about my value and that helped, but I can’t lie to myself – it feels inauthentic. So, I wrote out a statement that said,

“but I want more of it. If I came into a million dollars today, I might hire out a few things I don’t enjoy doing, but nothing substantial would change. At 36, that’s a gift.”

‘I find great ways to make money.’

Over time, I was able to move that statement into a stronger phrasing, because I was able to sit with that and watch it happen. I am not tricking my subconscious; I am moving my mindset.”

Her Best Life Candice embodies the essence of being a Sharp Woman and living her life on point by creating her own definition of success and living from a place of abundant authenticity.

“I already have my ideal life,” she says with a smile,

Candice Smiley owns Create the Ripple, a marketing, communications and business-building firm. She is a mom, a social marketer, author, connector and entrepreneur. I find a ton of my life’s joy in connecting people, to other people, places and things.

A master closer, engaging speaker, Word Wizard and lover of all things marketing or sales, Candice is natural leader and disruptor with a passion for helping women understand how to build rapport quickly to create lasting and synergistic relationships that are always win-win. www.candicesmiley.com

BUSINESS INSURANCE 6 STEPS TO CHOOSING THE RIGHT POLICY 1

2

3

WHERE TO START

ARE YOU GETTING A FAIR COMPARISON?

COST VS. QUALITY?

Many people avoid allowing the competitor to review their current policy when shopping around.

However, to get a fair comparison, it is a good idea to allow the competing insurance company to review your current policy, even if you black out the numbers, to ensure they are quoting apples to apples and are able to offer advice on coverage’s you may be missing or may NOT need.

Like any product of service, cheapest isn’t always best and there may be additional hidden charges along the way. A good insurance company will do much more than a commercial call centre, so think of cost as an investment in quality. Is your insurance company reviewing your policy annually, do they have easy to use websites and apps, can you get a hold of your agent without long hold times or waiting for days for them to call you back?

If you google insurance, you will find numerous insurance companies. But how do you know what you need; and if what is quoted properly covers you and your business pursuits? A good insurance provider will ask lots of questions, gathering information unique to your business to provide an insurance solution. Not only that, they will explain why you need the coverage and how it protects you.

Insurance is not one size fits all.

4

5

EXCLUSIONS & WARRANTIES | EXPLANATIONS & REVIEWS

CLAIMS PROCEDURES

TALK TO THE PROFESSIONALS

Ask what happens if you have a claim.

Will you be directed to a call centre or a dedicated claim administrator? If the claim does not proceed to a conclusion that you are satisfied with, how will you get independent advice?

It’s a good idea to do your research on your company's claims service. You can learn a lot about how the company handles payouts when you need them the most, at claim time.

At Swift Insurance & Financial Solutions, our qualified in-house team provides personal advice. We explain the conditions and warranties in plain English ensuring real value for our clients and help you through the claims process to make sure you get a fair resolution.

Seek clarity on exclusions and warranties. A good insurance company will ask many questions when writing your policy to ensure they understand your business and any risks that may pertain to it. They will also touch base at least once a year to review your policy, update any changes during the year and review the coverages with you again.

6

“Like any product or service, cheapest isn’t always best”

Christine Swift QAFP | Financial Advisor Phone: 403-340-4495 Cell: 403-307-5000 christine_swift@cooperators.ca

| 31

FINANCES

$tress-Less $pending

Why You Want to Take Control of Your Finances emotional decisions that leave you wondering all month how things are going to turn out, you get to know the end from the beginning because you predetermined it.

But what if finances don’t have to be overwhelming? What if taking control of your finances could empower you to eliminate stress and save time and create freedom in your spending rather than restriction?

A budget is an automatic stress reducer. Living without a budget builds pressure into EVERY single financial transaction. I’m not just talking about extraordinary expenditures like splurging on a shopping spree or a weekend away or making a major vehicle repair.

Without a budget, even sound, legitimate expenditures like filling your vehicle with fuel or shopping for groceries or buying coffee on the way to work will carry a level of stress. Why? Because you have no way of knowing if you actually have the money to make those expenditures or if you’re spending money that you will need for other obligations later on. It is like driving a vehicle with a broken fuel gauge. The only time you can feel confident about having enough fuel is when you first start out and from then on, the stress rises.

When you put a budget in place, all spending becomes worry-free and guilt-free, and stress is restricted to the occasions when something unexpected happens.

Let’s start with a budget. A budget is not a restraint; it is a tool that enables you to predetermine how you will use the income you have.

Within your income, it allows you to consider every option, prioritize what matters to you, and make spending choices accordingly.

Instead of making day to day

Financial management is also stressful when you don’t control the time you spend on it. When you don’t like doing something, you might put your energy into thinking about how you should do it, finding reasons to procrastinate, justifying why you haven’t done it, and hoping you haven’t missed any

By Melanie Mitchell Epp

I

t’s quite common to avoid managing finances. By avoiding, I mean living day-to-day instead of knowing the facts and having a plan to help you achieve your financial goals. It might be because you think managing your finances is too overwhelming, or you might feel restricted by the thought of living on a budget and so you choose to enjoy the “freedom” of not knowing where you are at.

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deadlines, but not actually doing it! But you could control the time it takes for financial management by putting it into your schedule.

What if every Monday night at 7 pm you paid your bills, and what if the last Monday night of every month you evaluated and finalized your budget for the coming month?

What if paying your bills took you 15 minutes, and finalizing your budget took you 30 minutes?

You could manage your finances in a maximum of 1.5 hours per month. But here’s the really good part - if it’s not Monday night, you don’t have to think about bills or finances at all! By defining when you manage your finances, you also define when you do not manage your finances. There is no more need for negative self talk about what you “should” do today but are avoiding, and there’s no more wasted emotional energy with finances hanging over your head.

Take control of your finances.

Make a budget. Schedule when you pay your bills and review your budget (and when you don’t)! And enjoy stress-less spending.

When it comes to changing your mind, Melanie Mitchell Epp knows what she’s talking about. As a CPA, she knows her way around a budget, but as an author, speaker, and coach she knows true change happens when we change what we think. She is the author of an empowering book called “I Don’t Think So” that tells the story of how she overcame the greatest challenges of her life. Melanie has a new venture in the works, Wholehearted Life, dedicated to helping people overcome limitations to live the life they desire.

Melanie lives in Red Deer with her husband, Garth.

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FOOD FEATURE

Food, Family, and Culture 20's I fell in love with cooking and the creativity that can be unleashed in the kitchen.Â

By Bobbie Corona

S food.

o much of the world's cultures are wrapped up in our foods; I would dare to say you don't have culture without

A little bit about myself: I am married to a man from Mexico City and we have two beautiful kids together. Before that, I was a traveler. I have traveled a fair amount in my 39 years and one thing that always brings me back to the countries I have been to is the food. I began collecting authentic cookbooks from the places I visited.

I would come home after traveling, prepare a few favourites for my family, and we would talk about the trip and look through the photos. It became somewhat of a tradition with my parents. It was during this time in my | 34

My Love for Mexico I have always enjoyed Mexican food, but it wasn’t until I met my husband that I began to fall in love with it. It gave me joy witnessing how completely satisfied from head to toe he was to consume a favourite meal from his childhood. Mexico City in all its glorious chaos is for me addicting; the food aromas, museums, parks, markets, walking through history, the sights, the surreal and always momentary experiences of peace it is like you can stand still while the world moves all around you, the dancing, the music, and being a melting pot of some of the best food Mexico has to offer it has taught me much. Mexico City embodies the philosophy 'mi casa es su casa' (my house is your house). You want to put your feet up and stay a while if only to experience more of its amazing flavours.

Traditions

Right now, in our homes, we are going back to basics, and once again trying traditional methods. These skills aren’t lost! We are finally making time to take what our elders have taught us and in turn, we are teaching our children, reigniting the love of REAL food for the next generation. We are looking in our pantry and saying, ‘What can I create with this?’. History shows us it is also how some of the most valued dishes in the world came to be: from a lack of ingredients, and out of necessity, with chefs using what was in the pantry. Caesar Salad was created in 1924 in Mexico. The chef was low on supplies but didn’t want customers to leave disappointed, and so created this salad with what was on hand.

No perfect circumstances, just human ingenuity.

of it with his parents this summer but under the current circumstances, I am happy to be able to share it instead with each of you.

Buen Provecho.

Bobbie Corona lives in Red Deer with her husband Alberto and their two children. They own and operate AB Edge Painting.

--

One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.

– Gerard Way

The recipe I have for you is one my mother in law (Mi Suegra) taught me. It is often used for large family gatherings in Mexico as it is fairly simple to do in large quantities. I have taken it and made it my own.

I was supposed to be sharing my version

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Live & Dry Blood Analysis Personalized Health Assessments Customized Meal Plans Step-by-Step Coaching Packages

Janice Hrushka, C.H.N. www.balancedterrain.com 403-952-1920

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Pollo Enchilado Recipe Chilied Chicken & Pasta SPICES: .....

Ingredients: All Chilies, Mexican Oregano, and Caldo de Pollo

(chicken bouillon powder) can be found at the Uni Market in Red Deer

CHILES: •

a drizzle of cooking oil

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6 chili guajillos washed seeds removed

•

2 chili ancho washed seeds removed

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2-4 Chili Morita (similar spice to jalapeno)

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1/2 white onion (cut into rings or strips)

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2 cups of water

CHICKEN: •

1 family package chicken drums or thighs

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salt and pepper

•

a drizzle of cooking oil | 36

PASTA: •

Shell pasta cooked

•

1 tbsp butter

•

Crema or may substitute sour cream

•

dash of onion powder

SPICES: •

¾ tsp kosher salt • 2-3 garlic cloves or substitute for 1 tbsp minces garlic •

5 whole black peppercorns or substitute ½ tsp ground black pepper

•

2 whole allspice berries or substitute for ¼ tsp ground allspice

•

½ tsp Mexican oregano

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¼ tsp thyme

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¼ tsp cumin seeds or substitute ¼ tsp ground cumin

•

½ cup of water

•

1 bay leaf (set aside)

ENCHILADO: chiles + 1 cup f resh-squeezed orange juice, add chicken bouillon powder to taste

INSTRUCTIONS

W

ash and remove seeds from guajillos and ancho chilies, drizzle oil into a large sauté pan over medium heat. Toss in onions, add Morita Chilis, cook about 1-2 minutes moving regularly.

Add the remaining chilies, continue moving them, watch the Guajillos they turn a more deep red colour and begin to get dark but don’t let them get too black, approximately 1-2 more minutes.

Add the water, cover with a lid, and let cook about 10-12 minutes until soft. Now transfer boiled ingredients to your blender. Set aside. At this time, I would juice my oranges and set aside; however, I have used store-bought orange juice with some pulp in and it has worked out fabulous!

In a Molcajete, I grind my whole spices together, start with the salt and garlic cloves grind into a paste, then add all of the spices one ingredient at a time, and lastly the water. If you don’t have a molcajete, it is possible to mix your ground spices and water in a small dish. Once mixed set this aside.

Lightly salt and pepper the chicken, I use the same large sauté pan, drizzle of oil, just a degree above medium heat. Once it’s hot drop in chicken and brown all sides cooking about 1-2 minutes per side.

Once browned, pour the spice mix over your chicken, at this point I turn the chicken down 1 degree to medium and cover. Time to blend the chilies, grab your blender with your boiled chilies, add 1 cup orange juice and start with 1 tbsp of chicken bouillon powder. Blend until red and as smooth as possible, grab a strainer now you can strain the chili sauce directly into your chicken cooking pan.

Cover and cook for 30-35 minutes.

After 30-35 min I do a quick taste test add more chicken stock or salt to taste, then turn burner off.

At this point I cook my pasta. You can also make rice, but my mother in law showed me this way and I do love it with the enchilado sauce. Cook as much as you like depending on the size of the group you have.

Boil pasta till al dente, drain water add butter and sour cream to coat, add a pinch of onion powder, stir and you are ready to serve!

“You may not control all the events that

happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”

– Maya Angelou

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CANDID CONVERSATIONS

By Candice Smiley

Candid Conversations with Candice How to meet people online when you can’t just “go for coffee” I’m going to wax nostalgic for a moment? Remember the good-ole-days when you could go online or onto meetup.com and scroll through the seemingly endless options for physicalnetworking events to go to?

And I don’t want you to go throwing money at the problem. This isn’t about spending money on ads - regardless of the platform. That’s advertising. I want to talk with you about communication and conversations; remember the adage that...

we do business with people we know, like and trust.

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Does your virtual presence make you cringe?

What if you could begin to see your social media presence as a resume you are always adding to. It's like a beacon to connect you with your tribe.

It's the simplest and most affordable way to create a group of raving fans. And once you have raving fans, then the algorithms can work in your favor and put your profile in the face of other people just like them.

Tip 1: Use the live or video feature. Right now people are desperate for real. Our social media feeds are cluttered with loud noisy voices that are yelling at you - telling you what to think, believe and feel - about everything. Be the quiet, real, raw voice that will gently draw your ideal person to you. Show up, look your camera in the eye, and then speak to us… not AT us.

And I just heard you groan. I know - we all HATE the idea of using video. This is the equivalent of online public speaking - and how many of us would rather die than pub-

By Candice Smiley

lic speak? Yes. I get it. I know what I just asked you. So, if the live-time element is what is stopping you, then I am going to gently suggest that you get out of your own way - and record a video and post that.

At least until you can become brave enough to go LIVE.

If I’ve tipped you off to a new idea here are three simple things to knock your next LIVE out of the park.

Plan.

•

What do you want to say?

•

Why do you want to say it?

•

Who are you sayin it to?

•

Can you say it in 2-4 minutes?

•

Where will you set up?

How is the lighting?

•

What time of day? (Best times include before between 8:30 and 9 am and evening when people are online)

Prompter There are a ton of apps or ways for you to plan this.

Maybe its just notes that are taped above your computer,

but you wouldn’t just show up to a networking event without a plan of what you wanted to say, so set yourself up for success when you plan to put yourself out there online.

Practice Mirror work is my favourite. I love getting dressed in whatever outfit I would network in. Right down to the heels! Put your make up on girlfriend! Then I stand in front of my mirror and I practice. I smile.

I go through what I want to say at least 4 times.

If you really want to be accountable? Announce that you are going to go live, what day and time, and then invite your best gals to join you to support. (I dare you!)

Tip 2: Take it to messenger (regardless

of the platform) as soon as possible, with permission.

One of the very simplest ways to beat the algorithms (or turn them in your favor) is

to take your conversation off the “wall” and into messenger. Its called “social media” for a reason.

Some of us originally have a hard time getting the idea of the computer or the tech being “in the way” - we don’t like the disconnect. One way I get around this is to remember that how you do one thing, is how you do everything. So, just begin to “show up”, go live, post or comment as you would as if that person was in front of you, and you will be surprised at how energy and intent travels through the screen and into someone’s life. (And they will thank you for it!)

LinkedIn is my jam. For me and my business, it's the only place I go to connect and

grow my network. There are a ton of reasons why this is, but the main one? People are on LinkedIn to network, find work and grow their businesses - so I’m not trying to convert a friend-keeping-finding platform like Facebook to be something it's not.

In all of this don't let yourself worry about polish or being perfect - think instead about poise and posture, of your smile, or how much value your self, service or offering will bring to the world right now.

My niche audience and target group are already there, and they are showing up to.

Tip 3: Add people every

day. Be selective. Start a conversation. Not sure what to say?

Take your “elevator pitch” or your “1 minute introduction” that you used to use in person at networking meetings and put that into one succinct sentence (or two) and use that. | 39

JOIN THE A LIST! Get your business noticed with the Sharp Women Magazine Business Directory.

Contact advertising@sharpwomen.ca to find out more and get your spot!

Thanks to Brooke Cagle for sharing their work on Unsplash

There are Sharp Women-led businesses and female professionals all across the region.

Here’s a handy list so you can find what you need and reach them with ease.

Central Alberta Security & Automation

Sara Barnes (403) 820 0448

www.centralalbertasecurity.ca

Century 21 All Stars Realty Ltd cynthia-harris.c21.ca

Cynthia Harris

Create The Ripple

Candice Smiley

https://www.youtube.com/CandiceSmiley https://bit.ly/PodcastwithMe

Danikloo Consulting http://danikloo.com/

Expedia Cruises (Red Deer)

https://www.expediacruises.com/en-CA/201008

Heuer Design heuerdesign.ca

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(587) 926-7196

(780) 554-7436 createtheripple@gmail.com

Danielle Klooster

(403) 391-8443

Susan Walker (403) 341-0177

Kerstin Heuer (403).896-.5071

Ignite Your Success Coaching RanchelleVanBryce.com

Infinity Brand Photography

https://infinitybrandphotography.com/

Keto Jen Lifestyle Coach

Ranchelle Van Bryce (780) 679- 7275

Rachelle Scrase (403) 352-8471

Jen Bigney

(403) 872-0905

Keto Jen Lifestyle Coach

Marg's Nail Beauty Bar

Marg Pragnell (403) 505-2682

Natural Solutions Health Store

Dawn Wickenberg

https://margaretpragnell.gelmoment.com

https://www.facebook.com/ NaturalSolutionsSylvanLake/

(403) 887-5655

NuSkin Anti-Aging Specialist

Elizabeth Welsh 780-483-8727

Paint of Interest Red Deer

Shelley Buckland

https://lizshealthandwealth.mynuskin.com"

https://www.paintofinterestreddeer.com/

(403) 588-8808

Sehn BookKeeping

Jennifer Sehn

Swift Insurance & Financial Solutions Inc

Christine Swift

The Spice Cabinet Traditions

Jodi Bergeron

https://www.sehnbookkeeping.com/ bookkeeping-services

https://www.cooperators.ca/local/swiftinsurance-financial

www.thespicecabinet.com

(403) 877-0962

(403) 340-4495

(403) 391-3659

Contact advertising@sharpwomen.ca to find out more and get your spot! | 41

PRINTABLES

Rewrite your Story One thing we’re seeing a lot of with regard to 2020 is people feeling very discouraged with how things have gone. There are bingo cards with all of the disasters and challenges (who had murder hornets for June?), and all kinds of funny/not-so-funny memes on social media (my favourite: ‘I wonder if my mother’s offer to slap me into next year is still on the table?’).

Regardless of what’s going on in the world around us that we cannot control, there is much about our lives that we can control. We go in the direction of our thoughts, and create our own reality based on our focus and thinking patterns.

Here is a great exercise, inspired by Kindra Hall of Success Magazine, that you can print off and do each week to help you set the direction of your life and set your focus.

The Story of Last Week Sometime at the end of your week, sit down in a quiet place and write the story of what happened last week. Be sure to include the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Date of the week: The story of what happened

Now, imagine what last week would have looked like if everything had gone perfectly. What would you have done differently? How would you have felt?

Last week, reimagined:

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PRINTABLES

Finally, look to the week ahead. Look at your schedule and planned interactions.

Write the story of next week as if it is going to be the best week it can be. How will you show up? How will everything go?

This week, imagined and intended:

Do this exercise every week and you’ll f ind, in no time, that you are more intentional about creating the life you want. Your circumstances will begin to line up with your intention. Here’s to living your life on point!

“As women, we have to start appreciating our own worth and each other’s worth. Seek out strong women to befriend, to align yourself with, to learn from, to collaborate with, to be inspired by, to support, and enlightened by.”

Madonna | 43

PRINTABLES

The Next 30 Days Whenever we gain nuggets of revelation, we typically think: “Ooooh! I am going to start doing those things!”. Usually, though, within a few days, we’ve forgotten what we heard, read or watched, and life goes on.

This worksheet is a printable resource for you to use each month, to collect out the treasures of insight and wisdom you find each month in Sharp Women Magazine (or anywhere else!) and create action steps. Written goals are eight times more likely to be achieved, so this is a great practice! You can make small (or big!) changes by writing things down and holding yourself accountable.

INSIGHTS I HAVE GAINED:

NEW WAYS I WILL THINK:

NEW THINGS I WILL DO:

NEW RESULTS I WILL SEE:

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