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A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie
Passage: A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie
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Passage:
A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie
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Passage:
A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie
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Table Of Contents
Passage: A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie
Introd
02 16 04 36 05 43 Introduction
Week Two : Reclamation
Healing Playlist
Week Three : Reflection
Week One : Regconition
Week Four : Rebirth
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.1 Introduction
duction Dear Villagers, It is an honor to usher in this new year with you. We have begun a new decade and am thrilled that you are joining me for Reflect/Rebirth: A 30 Day Healing Journey. Together, we will embark upon a month-long path of spiritual and physical detoxification, reflection, purification, and renewal. This is our time to shift into a new paradigm of empowerment by first centering and fortifying The Self. Healing is never an easy task and that is why we are embarking on this venture together. In traditional African societies, there was always at least one woman in the village, a teacher and guide. Parents send their daughters to her when they begin their menses. She advises young brides in the weeks leading up to marriage. We have lost connection with these old folkways. 02
Passage: A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie
Introduction My mission is to reclaim them and bring back age- grade groups, rites of passage, and secret societies for women. We owe it to ourselves, our sisters, our daughters. I am striving to be a guide back to the ways of our foremothers. Sex is not something we have to shy away from. In Islam, the Prophet Muhammad (saws) taught us to not have shame when learning about our deen.
Self care is a critical and necessary part of growth. It is a practice of intentionally slowing down to end to self first.
Sex is a part of life. I have spent the last 2 decades studying with African female elders who have shared their secrets with me. I am now sharing this woman-to-woman knowledge with you. My hope is that through this 30 day process, you can begin to embrace the movement of women striving for self-love, sisterhood and authenticity. This guide is based on the following tenets:
Spirituality is a deeply individual practice that provides a foundation through which we can untangle some of life’s most challenging problems. It is the foundation of The Village Auntie Movement and a core element of this journey.
Community helps us to build inner strength. When we are in fellowship with other women, we can achieve more than if we attempt to tackle them alone. As the proverb states: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”
Warmly, Angelica The Village Auntie 03
.2 Healing Playlist
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Playlist
Healing
“Masterpiece (Mona Lisa) by Jazmine Sullivan “Flawed Beautiful Creatures” by Stacy Barthe “Bag Lady” by Erykah Badu “Morning Blue” by Gaidaa Anwar Ali “Gonna Be Alright (F.T.B.) by Robert Glasper featuring Ledisi “Closer” by Goapele “Spotlight” by Jennifer Hudson “Eartha” by Jamila Woods “Borderline (An Ode to Self Care)” by Solange “Be Easy” by Alice Smith “Feeling Good” by Nina Simone “Unstoppable” by Lianne La Havas “I Am” by Kindred the Family Soul “Ocean” by Tamar-Kali “Rollercoasters” by Tank and the Bangas “Miss Shiney” by Kaiit “Cheers to the Fall” by Andra Day “One” by Cleo Sol “Colors” by St. Beauty “Golden” by Jill Scott “Q.U.E.E.N.” by Janelle Monae featuring Erykah Badu “Does It Get Easier” by Denai Moore “Black Gold” by Esperanza Spalding “Roses” by Georgia Anne Muldrow “My Power” by Tierra Whack, Beyonce, Moonchild Sanelly, Nija, Busiswa, DJ Lag, Yemi Alade “Forever” by Sa-Roc “Ours” by Mama Sol & The Nuts “InI” by Amel Larrieux “Energy” by Sampa The Great featuring Nadeem Din-Gabis “I Owe You Nothing” by Seinabo Sey “Excuses” by Cassie
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Week One
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.3 Week One : Regconition
I have decided that 2020 will be my year of no. I have never had a problem with saying yes to new opportunities, new adventures, and new challenges. My problem has always been saying "no". This must change. Over the past year, I have realized some of my greatest dreams. I have been able to explore new parts of myself that I hadn’t known before. The dreams that I was too afraid to utter aloud began to come true. I felt truly whole for the first time in my life. These last 12 months have also been a time of immense transformation. It has been a painful journey at times. I have to catch tears from falling if I think about the weight of the challenges ahead of me. I told very few people what I was experiencing. At times, it was impossible to speak without crying and I had long since trained myself to never cry in public. In my quest to be strong, I had become so detached from my emotions that this new onslaught of every feeling possible left me feeling raw and numb. I had cut off my soul’s ability to emote and had unconsciously stopped my own healing process. So I have used the last three months to really focus on what my body needed to heal. I stepped back from activities for a bit and let myself breathe. 06
I gave myself the time and space to heal. I decided, once I was strong enough, that I would begin to be more patient with myself and more careful with my own feelings. I promised myself that it was okay to cry. I promised myself to cry more often, every time I felt the need. I decided that I would take more walks and eat better food and spend more time healing. This first week is dedicated to recognizing the damaging patterns we have created in our lives that lead us away from our highest good. This is a time to purge unhealthy behaviors, thoughts, foods, habits, and people from our sphere as we focus on healing the mind, body, and soul. During this week, we will be working to establish intentions for the remainder of the month. And we start that journey by setting borders, by prioritizing our needs, and by intentionally rejecting all that adds no value to our lives.
Passage: A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie
So I am going to practice saying "no". I hereby give myself permission to rid my life of things that no longer serve to function for my highest good. I will not release everything. I have my faith, my family, my work. I have #TheVillage. These are constants that keep me balanced and whole. I will only rid myself of those things that rob me of my joy or place the needs of others before my own.
List them here: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 07
.3 Week One : Regconition
// Affirmation: I recognize the lessons of my past and hono clarity they have given me. I embrace the power of acknowledgement
// Focused Ayah for the Week:: Allah intends for you ease and does not int hardship and [wants] for you to complete th glorify Allah for that [to] which He has guid perhaps you will be grateful. Surah Baqarah, Verse 185
// Soul Practice: Commit to spending 10 minutes each day w on mindful and intentional deep breathing e reference at the back for ideas of breaths to your practice. 08
Passage: A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie
or the gift of and foresight.
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Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, the people will only be raised for judgment based on their intentions.” Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 4229 Each day, we set about the task of breathing, living, and bringing our fully actualized selves to the world. What do you hope to gain from the next 24 hours? How will you spend your precious time? How often do you pause to think about how you intend to manifest in the world? Which goals can you incrementally reach during the course of the next week? It is impossible to answer these questions authentically without first establishing one’s intention. When we approach our lives from a place of deliberate intentionality, it can drastically affect our ability to be productive and to feel satisfied with our place in life. Setting intentions can be a very simple task or one fraught with difficulty. The complexity of the task depends greatly on your level of internal knowledge of self and consciousness. Taking a bit of time to make dua and ask Allah for clarity and foresight is helpful before beginning. In order to reap the most from this healing journey, you must first set intentions. They do not have to be long, they only needs to be yours.
Set it. Absorb it. Become it. Live it. Do it. 09
.3 Week One : Regconition
Be intentional about your life. Let’s begin by setting three intentions for the next 30 days. State one intention for each of the following areas of your life: Spiritual
Emotional
Physical
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Food & Diet
Passage: A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie
Week 1 focuses on transitioning away from unhealthy foods. We are focusing on nurturing our body with optimal foods and process that facilitate pathways of healing. The nutrition portion is self-directed and self-guided. These are suggestions for how to ease into a cleansing mode and reset eating habits.
The plan for Recognition will require us to ease away from animal-products and incorporate plant-based meals. There is a food log at the end of this week where you can record your meals and snacks on a daily basis. Some may choose to go fully plant-based for this week; others may opt to incorporate more plant-based elements in standard meals. Modify your diet as you see fit. It is important to consume a minimum of 64 oz of pure water daily (alkaline is preferred). Ease your body into cleansing mode by making mindful choices.
Sample Week 1 Daily Menu: Breakfast (after Fajr) - Green smoothie (fresh parsley, banana, coconut milk, strawberries, flax seed, raw honey) Mid-Morning Snack (1 hour after Duha prayer) - Mint Tea with Lemon (no sweetener) - 1 slice of Dave’s 21 Grains and Seeds Killer Bread with avocado butter Lunch (after Dhuhr) - Spicy Coconut Curried Chickpea Soup - Cucumber Salad (sliced cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, red onion, Bragg’s Liquid Aminos, olive oil, lemon juice, sumac) - 24 oz. alkaline Water Afternoon Snack (before Asr) - Red Raspberry Leaf Tea with goji berries Dinner (preferably eaten before or just after Maghrib) - Penne pasta with cashew tomato cream sauce and roasted vegetables - Steamed sugar snap peas
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.3 Week One : Regconition
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.4 Week Two : Reclamation
04 The second week is dedicated to reclaiming our ancestral ways and traditions. We will delve into motherwit, what I like to call #TheWaysOfOurFore mothers. I will share how knowledge of my ancestors led me to this work. During this week, we will learn how to release the roots of sexual shame that have been created by cultural programming. We will also look at some of the traditional healing rituals that we can rely on in the present day.
WEEK TWO 16
.3 Week One : Regconition
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Passage: A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie
Week 2 focuses on a fully plant-based diet for the remainder of the month. THis week allows for the consumption of cooked plant-based meals. Try not to overcook your vegetables; steaming and light sauteeing enough to introduce heat and bring out the color is sufficient. Grains may be eaten in moderation. Substitute brown rice for white or try ancient grains like fonio or quinoa for variety. I will share one of my favorite recipes for peanut stew that is plant-based, filling, and perfect for this week as this is a meal traditionally eaten all over West and Central Africa. Almond butter can be substituted for those with peanut allergies. Pay attention to the way your body responds to a shift in diet. If you are a meat-eater, you may experience bouts of hunger as the week progresses. Make sure that you have easily accessible plant-based snacks available. Fresh fruit, nuts, organic plant based bars, and other healthy snacks can make the transition easier but consume in moderation. Remember to remain hydrated throughout this week and, if possible, increase your water intake by 12-24 ounces. An easy way to do this is to drink water after each salah to ensure that your hydration is balanced throughout the day.
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.4 Week Two : Reclamation
// Affirmation: I rely on the wisdom of my foremothers, known and unknown, to help me on this journey. I have the power to heal myself, by Allah’s will. // Focused Ayah for the Week:: Respect the wombs that bore you. Surah Nisa, Verse 1 // Soul Clearing Practice: Dedicate 15 minutes of each day to intentional and ancestral movement. Use a drum only track or simply the beat of your heart and MOVE. Do not be self conscious. Allow your limbs to move to the innate rhythm of your body. 18
Passage: A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie
“Man is the fabric. Woman is the thread.” -Shaykh Hassan Cisse
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.4 Week Two : Reclamation
Releasing The Roots Of Sexual Shame
The ways in which we internalize shame and project outward negative emotions about our bodies are innumerable. Shame is sneaky and insidious. Often we can't see it or identify it, but we usually can feel it. In sex, it manifests in many sneaky ways and is often the result of trauma. Having sex with the lights off, not wanting to be touched in certain places or in particular ways. It goes deeper - some women are not able to self-lubricate and others have such a deep and abiding fear of sex that their bodies rebel against them and literally shut down, making penetration impossibly painful. Pleasure knowledge is withheld from us. As adults, we actively resist it by not believing our partners’ experiences and looking for blame rather than resolution and joy. .All of these experiences can be elements of shame as a result of growing up in a sexually traumatized society and culture.
The truth is that many Black women have experienced a degree of sexual trauma when we are yet in our mother’s womb. It is unbeknownst to us but it is as real as the air we breathe. What we understand about genetic memory and the trauma our ancestors face has shown us that we may be deeply affected by incidents of rape and trauma that were meted out to our ancestors from many generations ago. We carry the scars of our foremothers in our very wombs and we harbor the shame they carried as they wrestled with the realization that their bodies were used as chattel as the power and products of their wombs were used for capital gain. The fears and shame of our grandmothers is embedded in our very genetic makeup. It is no wonder, then, that so many of us have become disconnected from the sanctity of our vulvas and our wombs. From a young age, we have been fed messages that our bodies are not our own, are not good enough, are wholly unworthy. We hear regurgitated skewed religious messaging about female inferiority and forced submission. Our deen is sometimes weaponized to force obeisance to men who would violate the beauty and sanctity of the sexual experience to satisfy a carnal need.
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Passage: A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie
The hypersexualized image of Black women globally has led to the development of divergent and emotionally damaging approaches to discussions of sex and sexuality. There exists, on one extreme, a crippling conservatism which does not allow for the creation of authentic and safe spaces in which to discuss sex. This is juxtaposed with the opposite extreme which promotes promiscuity as a ‘key’ to sexual liberation. As in all things in Islam, we must seek out a middle narrative in which women understand the historical role of sex
education and the importance ofdeveloping healthy dialogue prompts related to sex. Black women globally have largely been affected by sexual trauma to the extent that it has tarnished our connection to the very act by which we were created. As women, we have to unpack the ways in which religious narratives have been stealthily misused to police women’s bodies and violate the sanctity of our most private parts. Islam did not want us oppressed; Islam is a path of freedom for women. The deen is not laden with shame, but female empowerment. 21
.4 Week Two : Reclamation
“The sexual dimension of Being represents the unity of the soul with the body. When it is taught to be bad/dirty it becomes shameful - the mechanism of trauma and disconnection. It closes us off from connection with ourselves, others, and God.� Anonymous note from a friend
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Shame does not have to be a perpetual characteristic of our sexual selves. There is a way to divest ourselves of its stronghold but it takes intention, focus, knowledge, and clarity. With any form of healing, this requires a methodical process of untangling negative body associations and rewriting a narrative of body ownership and sexual empowerment. If one is partnered, the process becomes layered and more nuanced. We must seek out authentic pathways with our partners where we can freely express our need for emotional support and understanding. The journey to releasing shame, when one is partnered, becomes a tandem experience and a supportive partner is key. We must intentionally create spaces to discuss how to use traditional techniques and honest conversation to create cyclical intergenerational change in the way that Black women think about, discuss, and approach sexuality
Passage: A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie
Shame is not an act of volition; it is foisted upon you by others. It is a reaction to other people’s negative perceptions (and projections) and can be debilitating. Modesty, however, is a choice. Shame is a reaction to how you think you should respond, how society and culture, or religion, dictate that you react to the titles, roles, responsibilities, and social cues. It becomes an internalized script that is repeated on an endless loop which then becomes your inner dialogue. It is not what you actually believe, it is what you are repeating. Modesty is a choice to only share certain parts of yourself and, as such, is a form of self-preservation.
Sample Week 2 Daily Menu:
To begin to deprogram your feelings around shame when it comes to sex, it helps to write down answers to some challenging questions: What do you really believe about sex?
Afternoon Snack (before Asr) - Baobab Drink (baobab leaf powder, coconut milk, banana)
How do you feel about your body? How much of what you feel is rooted in cultural messaging?
Breakfast (after Fajr) - Foule and flat bread (fava beans, spices, tomatoes) Mid-Morning Snack (1 hour after Duha prayer) - Kenkeliba Tea - Unsalted Grissini Lunch (after Dhuhr) - Couscous with roasted eggplant, carrots, tomatoes, and green peppers - Raw Greens
Dinner (preferably eaten before or just after Maghrib) - Peanut butter stew served over a bed of fonio - Green salad (spinach, tomatoes, red onions, Kalamata olives, sumac, lemon juice) - Auntie’s Infamous Sorrel
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.4 Week Two : Reclamation
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.4 Week Two : Reclamation
Vulva Self-Care Tips 1. Wash external vulva area with a pH balanced soap (TVA recommends NeNe Organics Vagina Therapy Wash). Be careful not to use soaps that contain irritants or excess fragrance compounds. Organic is best. 2. Never wash inside the vaginal cavity with soap. Use warm water only. Make sure to pull back the folds of the labia majora and labia minora to wash away any residual bacteria, foreign matter, and dirt. Water is enough to clean the internal cavity. a. Pro-Tip: To temporarily tighten the skin of the outer labia, some African women use alum dissolved in water to rinse the area. It causes a temporary tightening of the skin of the vulva. Do not insert it into the cavity.
4. To absorb excess moisture during warmer months or when layering with heavier fabrics, you might choose to use an organic stick deodorant (Schmidt’s and Green Goo are two good go-to brands) and apply the product only to the folds between the thigh and outer labia. This will help balance moisture that builds throughout the day. It will absorb the moisture. DO NOT APPLY INSIDE VAGINA OR LABIA. Only apply to the hip folds.
5. Watch your intake of foods as this affects the taste and smell of vaginal fluids. Vaginal fluid is acidic so to counteract a poor smell, drink unsweetened cranberry juice. Men can drink pineapple to sweeten their taste but it’s a no-no for women. Hydration is key. Ideally, you should intake a minimum of 64 oz of 3. Dry area completely using a cotton pure (unflavored, non-carbonated) towel. If possible, use a separate towel water daily. dedicated only to cleaning your vaginal area.
Routine Remix: Add a step if you are preparing for an intimate session with your beloved. After step 3, take a hot essential oil bath (try one of Auntie’s Bath recipes below) to assist with nourishing and lubricating the skin, including that of the genital area.
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Passage: A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie
Auntie’s Aphrodisiac Bath Auntie’s Love Bath #1 Ingredients: 2 cups powdered milk (cow, goat, oatmeal, or buttermilk) ½ oz baking soda or Epsom salt 1 package of cheesecloth (even a new pair of pantyhose will do!) Place the following dried herbs in cheesecloth (or hose) and tie to create a bath tea bag. Place the bag under running hot water. Bath Tea Blend: - 1 cup dried rose petals - ½ cup hibiscus leaves (womb toning, good for circulation) - ½ cup dried lavender flowers (calming, decreases anxiety and stress) - 10 drops clary sage oil (womb toning and balancing)
Auntie’s Love Bath #2 Ingredients: Coarse salt (sea salt, pink Himalayan salt, kosher salt) 1 oz jojoba, grapeseed, or apricot kernel oil 10 drops each of the following essential oils (do NOT use fragrance oils): - Frankincense - helps to increase blood flow - Ginger - warming, toning for female reproductive organs - Cinnamon - enhances blood flow, warming, spicy aphrodisiac scent
Ingredients: Coarse salt (sea salt, pink Himalayan salt, kosher salt) 5 drops each of the following essential oils (do NOT use fragrance oils): - Sandalwood - calming, assists with anxiety and depression, aphrodisiac - Geranium - antiviral, aphrodisiac - Ylang ylang - mind balancing, sexual stimulator - Clary sage - womb toning and balancing 29
.4 Week Two : Reclamation
It is He who made the sun a shining light and the moon a derived light and determined for it phases - that you may know the number of years and account [of time]. Allah has not created this except in truth. Surah Yunus, Verse 5 30
The full moon is a time of expansion and growth. It symbolizes renewal. In the Islamic tradition, we follow the lunar phases to determine our calendar and the passage of time. During a full moon, we find and make time to heal. This is a period to write down new affirmations, renew intentions, and celebrate growth. Below are some ideas for how to welcome the full moon: 1. Fast the ‘white days’ (January 8-10) 2. Go to the highest point in your city to view the moon in its fullness. 3. Recognize the beauty in Allah’s creation. 4. Take a ‘moon bath’. Sit outside in nature and let the light of the moon wash over you. 5. Increase adhkar. Create a wird for yourself that you can commit to. 6. Recite fervent dua and ask Allah for healing, peace, discernment, wisdom, and excellence. 7. Read reflections from the Quran and ahadith about the beauty and significance of the moon. Faces, that Day, will be radiant (Surah Qiyamah, Verse 22)
Full Moon Practice
Passage: A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie
Jabir ibn Samurah (radhiAllahu anhu) said, “I saw him on one night of the full moon. I looked at him. He was dressed in a reddish garment. I compared him (Rasulallah saws) with the moon and found that, for he was better than the moon.” (Mishkat Al-Masabih) Abu Ishaq narrated that Al-Baraa’ asked, “Was the face of the Prophet (as bright) as sword?’ later he said, ‘No, but (as bright) as a moon.” (Narrated by Bukhari) 31
.4 Week Two : Reclamation
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.4 Week Two : Reclamation
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.5 Week Three : Reflection
The third week is dedicated to reflecting on the progress made thus far and preparing for a step into a new tomorrow. This is a time of quiet meditation as we plant roots in our new reality with a cleansed mind and softened heart. During this week, we will focus on radical self-love while identifying our fears and assets. Week 3 emphasizes our reliance on a plant-based diet as we move toward a high raw diet. We will make an effort to eat foods that are eaten in their natural state and/or have been heated below a temperature of 200° Farhenheit. This will be challenging so do not force yourself if it becomes too difficult. Soups made in high-powered blenders like the Vitamix are very helpful, especially during the winter. Monomeals (meals that use one ingredient) are also easy and tasty options for busy winter days. The plan for Reflection will require us to be mindful about what we consume and continue to increase hydration. By this week, if you are able to drink a gallon of pure water per day, it will be essential in assisting with the processing of nutrients and elimination from the system. Sample Week 1 Daily Menu:
WEEK THREE 36
Dinner (preferably eaten before or just after Maghrib)
Afternoon Snack (before Asr) - Red Raspberry Leaf Tea with goji berries
Lunch (after Dhuhr)
Mid-Morning Snack (1 hour after Duha prayer
Breakfast (after Fajr) - Green smoothie (fresh parsley, banana, coconut milk, strawberries, flax seed, raw honey) Passage: A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie
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// My path is un have the pow to rewrite m // Focused A Week:: Did expand for .5 Week Three : Reflection
// Affirmation: My path is uniquely and I have the power, b narrative.
// Focused Ayah for the Week:: Did We not expand for you, [O Muhamma We removed from you your burden, which your back, and raised high for you your rep hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardsh when you have finished [your duties], then And to your Lord direct [your] longing. Surah Ash-Sharh, Verses 1-8
// Soul Practice: Focus 20 minutes each day on sitting comp on your intentions set in Week 1. Visualize e fruition in splendid detail. 38
Affirmation: niquely and I wer, by Allah, my narrative. Ayah for the d We not r you, [O Passage: A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie
by Allah, to rewrite my
ad], your breast? And had weighed upon pute. For indeed, with hip [will be] ease. So stand up [for worship].
pletely still and focusing each one coming to
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.5 Week Three : Reflection
I used to think that I understood true love. I thought that I’d found it in a relationship, my first serious one. We lived together, owned a business, and were practically inseparable. When I ended the relationship during our 4th winter together, he inherited most of our friends. I had finally come to realize that the validation I sought in him was something that I needed from myself. So I left. My heart was broken but it was being filled by the love of Allah and a growing love and radical acceptance of the woman that I was becoming. And just when I thought my healing was complete, he resurfaced. I yielded. I hadn’t yet learned that healing isn’t linear and setbacks were a part of the process. So he re-entered my life and I learned my lessons in stages. I romanticized grand gestures that he undertook to win me back because although I was healing, I had spent a lifetime being starved of love and approval. His scrawny semblance of ‘affection’ felt like my heart was finally being fed. But that isn't really the kind of love that I wanted. It certainly wasn’t what I needed. The trauma I experienced in that relationship helped me to build resilience. 40
It delivered me from a tendency to pine for false emotion masquerading as love and led me to a radical version of self-love. I realized that the worst thing to happen was not him no longer loving me. The most detrimental act was me surrendering myself to a plastic form of love. I was grieving the loss of the fantastical view of love that I have while celebrating the clarity that this tumultuous relationship brought me. Here is what I learned: Love is not power. Love is not controlling. Love does not demand that one resist growth and change. Love is expansion. Love is a certainty. Love rests in the eyes of the beloved. Love is evolution. How many times have we mistaken something that is not ‘love’ and thought it was the real thing? And how many times do we give a slanted version of love to ourselves while showering objects of desire with our highest form of devotion? Our practice of self-love should be just as urgent, unyielding, and overflowing as the love that we heap upon others. Radical acceptance requires perpetual growth, hard work, and perseverance. It is an uneasy road with the most beautiful destination.
Questions to ask yourself: - Have I committed to loving myself wholly and completely? - Do I allow myself room to grow? - Do I devote as much energy to building my relationship with self as I do to building my relationships with others? - What is my heart telling me? - Where are the emotions that I have buried? Is it okay for me to set them free? - What does being loved look like to me? - What am I willing to offer myself in the name of love? - Have I learned to radically and unabashedly accept myself just as I am?
Name and claim 10 ways that you choose to display radical self-love in your life.
Passage: A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie
List them here: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 41
.5 Week Three : Reflection
Fears and Assets
What Do You Fear?
Questions to Ponder: - In what ways might your fears be unfounded? - Have you seen them manifest in any way? How? - Are your assets those which you ascribe to yourself or are they evident to others? - What can you do to make them readily apparent?
- Do your fears and assets overlap, intersect, or interact in any way? - Do they cancel each other out? - What can you do to MAXIMIZE & MAGNIFY your gifts? - How can you learn to MINIMIZE & MITIGATE your fears?
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What Do You Possess? What Are Your Assets?
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Our fourth week is dedicated to a celebration of a renewed sense of self and a rebirth of our best attributes. It is a week to recognize, reclaim, and reflect on the lessons of the past three weeks. We will set renewed intentions for the remaining year and take a moment to look at how we can create new scripts centered around self-love and body positivity. Week 1 focuses on a complete reliance on meals which are easy to digest. This week is a liquid diet (yes, LIQUID!). You may opt to have blended whole food smoothies, warm blender-made soups, fresh raw juice, herbal teas, and water during this week. If you find that it is difficult, honor your needs by giving your body a nourishing but simple plant based meal. If you have the need to chew, do not feel bad. Give your body what it years for. Resist the urge to shame your hunger. Remember that it is imperative that you consume a minimum of 64 oz of pure water daily (alkaline is preferred). Thank your body with maximum hydration.
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.6 Week Four : Rebirth
Womanhood is the ancient soil in which we are planted. Its products are unpredictable. The process of puberty pushes us into uncomfortable spaces as our bodies germinate, nourished by both internal and external scripts. We listen to and regurgitate those scripts to create patterns of thoughts as we wait for the expected but unpredictable bloom. Some of us are so spiritually dissociated from the process of growth that we rush our bodies to try to fit into the small, pocketed spaces of “beauty” and “daintiness” that the world demands of women as soon as the predicted blossoming occurs. We try to fit into the scripted places for women: delicate, pretty, small.
A Blossomed Woman; or How I Learned to Love My Body
The fullness of femininity manifests in beautiful and myriad ways, just like the different flowers in a garden. As young women, we explode onto the landscape of the world just as a flower bud reveals its petals, seemingly overnight. I had prepared for my inevitable unfurling for years. I lived in the shadow of my two older sisters who were the most magical beings I’d ever seen. My mother was a queen in my eyes and I worried that I wouldn’t bud the way she had hoped. I had a perpetual fear of not being the proper flower in her garden.
But some of us will never be delicate Some of us will never be conventionally pretty Some of us were never small But all of us are WOMEN Full, free, and expansive women 44
Passage: A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie
At the age of 10, I unwound my femininity at first like a calla lily, tall and lilting. I was without a curve but I carried a slightly awkward yet elegant head that made me stand out in spaces. I was not easily arranged in bouquets with the other girls around me. They strode into puberty as roses and lilacs. They garnered attention and adoration. I earned giggles and funny nicknames. With my long and uninteresting shape, I never fit in with the more lively and colorful flowers in the garden. I was too thin, too tall, too awkward, possibly pretty, but not yet so.
I remember borrowing my mother’s pumps for church. My favorite was a pair of faux leather peach 2-inch heel with an almond toe. My mother had sewn me a peach lace dress that I loved to wear; the shoes were a perfect match. One Sunday, I went to my mother’s closet to get the shoes and found that I had outgrown them. That marked the day that I no longer fit into any of the women’s shoes in my home. I had grown to big for the spaces designed to nurture and contain me.I became an outlier in my family. That was the first knowing. 45
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sailing through the sky, punctuated by the bak of the drums. She came to rest in a grounded position only as she finished the dance with a twist of her hips. Once finished, she took her place with the other drianke on the front line, having riled up the crowd who looked as if they had just seen a golden unicorn walk through the party’s center. She was confident in her skin and let everyone I traveled to Senegal for the first time in know how much she loved herself my mid-20’s. There, I was surrounded by through her praise dance. I wanted to total and complete Blackness in faith, be her. form, fashion, food, and culture. The women around me wore their hair in This scene was the first deposit in a bank intricate braids, short afros, and skin cuts of knowledge that helped me to expand that exposed beautifully chiseled faces what it meant to be a woman fully with aquiline noses and wide bright formed. smiles. They cared nothing about trying to fit into a norm that I thought was At 38, I inherited the curves left in the universal. Long hair wasn’t a require- wake of multiple children, those living ment for beauty. It was an accessory but and the one violently conceived who was not a complete assessment of womanly never given the gift of breath. My mental state was made fragile by the cacophony worth. of negative self-talk brought on by At a party in Yoff, I saw women taller than postpartum hormonal imbalance. It me, some with willowy builds and round yielded a visage like that of a jasmine high backsides. They pranced elegantly flower. I was still myself but I was decayon human stilts through the crowd. ing with every passing hour. I was losing Then there were the women with wide my fragrance. For the first time in my bellies and full hips who walked with life, was not small but I was delicate, purpose, dipped in stiff and shiny bazin. fragile, and round. My postpartum glow These beautiful beings in their starched seemed to light up a room but I felt as if grand boubous were drianke. They were any moment I would lose my scent and full-figured women with arms full of wilt upon contact. This was my most gold, clapping to the rhythm of sabar fragile blossoming. drums. They were the patrons of the party and everyone seemed to owe them I lived in the Gulf for the births of my last deference for not only their stature but two children. I had grown to the heaviest their presence. Drummers would chide weight I had been in my life. My feet them and try to tease a dance out of their grew with me. Once again, I found heavy limbs. One of the drianke took to myself unable to fit into any shoes availthe floor, finally. When she danced, it able at the time. I went on a search for all black sandals. There were none to be was as if she was floating on air, arms At 21, my womanhood unfurled like a dandelion, still without a bend in my body but the strikingly smooth head yielded to prickly, natural hair that would come and go as my emotions ebbed and flowed. Some days I was full of wispy white pappuses and the next day I was a naked flower preparing for yellow petals.
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Passage: A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie
At 44, I have now learned to make urgently and incessantly carve elegant space in a world that has long told me that my femininity was too big, too loud, too fragrant, too bright, too large to be normal. I have learned to love my roundness, like that of a ranunculus. I am difficult to pronounce, a round blooming flower with many beautiful unfurling layers of paper-thin petals, bolstered in strength by the multitude of experiences I have gathered over the years. I bloom best near water and dazzle with an alluring charm. I am not pretty like a rose but resilient and unusual, a centerpiece of any bouquet. I am finally a whole and full version of myself. The quest to find myself has been an important one. I have learned to look for answers outside of the tiny universe that I created as a child. What I needed to change was not my
appearance but my worldview. Traveling to ancestral lands gave me a glimpse at what my life could have been like had I been given a different script in girlhood. I. had a limited idea of what was possible because I was unable to look beyond my immediate surroundings. I discovered the beauty in finding comfort on my own terms. My idea of womanhood did not need to be informed by the Western eye. My femininity need not look like anyone else’s. It just has to fit my needs and fill my space. I have learned the power in the ability to dream in detail. I give myself permission to radically imagine the possibilities of actualized womanhood. I am perpetually manifesting the best physical copy of that imagination and live it loudly. This power has given me strength and taught me to love the fragility, the strength, the depth, and the curves of my feminine being.
And now I am charged with planting my own gardens in which my daughters can bloom freely.
had. “Go to the men’s side, sister, nothing for you here,” the mall salesman said. But I was sure that I could find a way. I went to the local souk and approached the shoe stall. Can you make me a pair of black leather sandals? The cobbler eyed my feet. “Come back on Friday.” When I returned, he held up the most beautiful pair of black leather thongs, complete with a bit of cow hair around the toe strap. They were beautiful and black and they were uniquely mine. Another deposit was made into my storehouse of knowledge. I knew then that if the world could not accommodate my body, I would simply carve my own path.
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Passage: A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie
Our existence is validated by the very fact that we were created, molded, fashioned, and assigned value by Allah (hence the names Al Khāliq, Al Baari, and Al Musawwir). These are immutable forces on our lives that give us value and purpose. Humans were created with intentionality so this realization of our part as Allah’s creation forms the basis of self love (we love Allah and his creation.) We ground ourselves in this validation through the establishment of taqwa, hubb, and tawakkul as fortification of this love for Allah and self. These are our roots and foundation.
But we may falter, so we rely on the fundamental characteristic of Allah (mercy) as a guiding light above all. Also, as women, we have a direct connection. The word ‘rahm’ is the root word of ‘rahma’ and it translates to ‘womb’. The womb is directly connected to the ‘arsh of Allah in that Allah’s perpetual state is that of mercy. The bags that we carry do not have to be the pejorative ‘baggage’ that women are said to carry. Instead, we can accumulate and carry with us knowledge, wisdom, guidance, contentment w/Allah’s decree, certainty, and ultimately excellence if we persevere. We acquire this things as we traverse through life. All of this relates to self-love because we gain a greater understanding of Allah and of ourselves as Allah’s creation through this mindful process of self-reflection.
List them here:
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Passage: A 31 Day Guided Journey with The Village Auntie