SISTAH'S PLACE
Inspiration & Entertainment Magazine AUGUST/SEPTEMBER 2018
PAULETTE HARPER SMALL BUSINESS CRYSTAL HOLLAND CHRISTAL WHITE SELENA ASKINS KIMBERLY JASPER TERRI SHAYNE
SISTAHSPLACE.COM
What's Inside?
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Pg. 2. The Editor's Note Pg. 4 Cover Story: Paulette Harper-A woman of Purpose & Power Pg. 10. Selena Haskins: Are Children Spoiled today?
pg. 14 Small Business spotlight-Crystal Holland Pg. 19. KimberlyJasper- 5 Signs You are a Side Chick. Pg. 25. Small Business SpotlightChristal White
FROM THE EDITOR/FOUNDER DESK Life is about what you make it. You have big dreams, goals, ambitions, and a vision so big that it scares you. Well, go ahead and step out on faith and trust God knowing you will discover who you are and what your purpose in this life really means. Our August/September issue is very special because it showcases women who share a vision of Black Excellence. Their stories are authentic and relatable to ever dreamer walking around. I love the quote below it represents the women in this issues drive and success. "I had to make my own living and my own opportunity. But I made it! Don't sit down and wait for the opportunities to come. Get up and make them." - Madam C.J. Walker
Chief Editor/Founder Letrise T. Carter Sistah’s Place
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The Engage Summit 2018 and Beyond is a unique gathering for entrepreneurial business women that will come together to collaborate in opposite industries to build a network as part of the Engage Group created by Janice L. Parks the summit host. The strategic roadmap is to grow business enterprises economically in this ever-changing environment within all global markets. You will get valuable, life-changing, instructional information on key strategies for implementation and follow through with follow-up through collaboration! You will be engaged by 5 dynamic speakers that will add value to your attendance with their gifts, skills, knowledge, and time proven experience in their perspective fields. The Engage Summit is an interactive platform that helps you to realize that "We are Better Together." Throughout the summit learn and be trained how to go from subject matter expert to CEO, discover the CEO factors, and understand how to engage in wealth strategies. In addition, for the author in you, we have a book coach and consultant to help you make it happen!
Janice L. Parks Summit Host/CEO/President
J Parks Consultant, Business Solutions, Empowerment Speaker
Dr. Jonica Rowland
Angela Anderson
Dr. Gail Hayes
Jill Capri-Simms
MBA Author/Speaker
Angela Anderson Presents
Founder and CEO Conduct of Queens
Founder and CEO
Financial Representative
Founder and CEO
International Communicator
Plumb Line Consulting
Executive Leadership Coach
Registration is Open
https://www.theengagesummit2018andbeyond.com/ https://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-engage-summit-2018-and-beyond-tickets-45949999686?aff=erelexpmlt
The Engage Summit 2018 and Beyond August 16 – 19, 2018 Hotel Valencia Riverwalk 150 East Houston Street-San Antonio, TX 78205
A woman of Purpose & Power: Paulette Harper by Terri Shayne When you think of a Black woman walking in her purpose and using her God-given talents, who do you think of? Well, how about Author Paulette Harper? She is a woman that I would define as walking in her purpose and powerful using her talents to be a blessing to others. Paulette says God gives her the grace to wear multiple hats like author, coach, speaker, and business owner. There is power is not just in her footsteps but her voice, her pen, and her personality that sets her apart from all others. Get to know Paulette Harper a woman wearing multiple hats. Her story is authentic and one of kind that will instill power into you step out on faith and trust what God created you to become. Our gifts don’t belong to us, for we are to share them with the world to encourage, empower, and educate a community. Walk the journey with us and get to know her. Sistah’s Place: Tell us about the woman behind all the titles (Author, coach, speaker, and business owner). Paulette: Yes. I do wear many hats, but God gives me the grace to do them all. The woman behind the author: As an author, I write in three genres: Christian fiction, Christian nonfiction, and children. As an inspirational and fiction writer, I write to inspire and empower readers. I write because I feel I have a message to share with readers. Not only to entertain readers but to help them grow spiritually. I love to mix real-life stories into my fiction. Although each story is unique, we experience some of the same feelings, situations, and challenges in life that readers can identify with. The ability to craft fiction books gives me the opportunity to live through each character. Although each genre is unique in its own way, I enjoy all of them. Developing a craft for writing is an ongoing process. I’ve been able to glean from so many others. I read books that help me learn the craft as well. When I pen a nonfiction book, I can go deep into my soul and the soul of the reader. My nonfiction books come from my own personal life experiences, research, and biblical studies. I try to connect with readers in a place where the words leap off the pages and bring about spiritual change as well as spiritual growth. Everyone needs to be inspired, empowered and strengthened in all areas of their lives. This is where my books are able to touch the readers.
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As a speaker, I try to share messages that will resonate with the audience by combining enthusiasm with an energetic speaking style. Audiences describe my presentations as inspiring, enriching and encouraging. I am committed to speaking a message that is always uplifting and edifying. As an author, building your platform is one of the most important things you must do, especially a firsttime author. I tell my clients to budget for marketing and promoting. There is nothing worse than an author saying, “I don’t have money to market my book.” Believe me, as a published author and workshop facilitator, I have heard it all. If you want people to take you serious as an author, you must be able to invest in your book by marketing and promoting it. That means you must spend money. This is where my services come into play as the owner of Write Now Literary Book Tours. My job is to create buzz for your books and get you the publicity you need through bloggers and radio interviews. I have helped many authors gain exposure, connect with hosts of radio shows and build a reader base for life. If you’ve built your online presence successfully, it can spread greater awareness of you as an author and gain you fans, followers, leads, customers and anything else you could ever want for your book or services. Building an online presence is about being seen in as many places as one can. Sistah’s Place: How do you balance and find time for yourself? Paulette: Good question. I have to make time for myself. In doing so, it allows me to clear my mind, meditate and appreciate life. I can get so busy with work, family, church and my business and be too tired to experience life. Life is too short, and my time is very precious, so I refuse to let moments of enjoyment slip by. I enjoy jazz and being that I’m a lover of sports, I attend basketball and football events. When the weather is perfect, I can be found hiking. Sistah’s Place: How did you discover your purpose and path? Paulette: While it is important to define what purpose is, I believe the purpose must start with God. When I began to recognize my purpose for living, I realized it was about producing a life that was fulfilling, complete and satisfying. As a believer in Christ, I believe that I am in a place where I am fulfilling the purpose for which I was created. What I find most rewarding is making sure I’m doing what I believe the Lord would have me to do. I’m a strong believer in the fact that if God wanted me to do something else, I would be doing that, and if He wanted me to be somewhere else, I would. True happiness comes when we identify our purpose and live our dreams with God in the center of everything we do. Inside each of us is a yearning to know why we were created and for what reasons we exist. I don’t believe we will be satisfied in life or even enjoy the life we have been given apart from walking in our divine purpose. Finding your purpose in life should be one of your greatest goals. For us to fulfill our role and assignment here on earth, we must be aware of our own skills, talents, passions, and abilities. Once those qualities are identified, it makes doing what we love easy. 5
Some of my life’s challenges and struggles led me to God’s divine purpose and plan for my life. I found that in my own personal struggles there were ideals and dreams God had built inside me that were pulled out when I went through the most challenging times in life. I learned that God’s purpose and will in my troubles were being fulfilled through my life’s experiences. Sistah’s Place: How would you define a legacy? Paulette: I describe legacy as being able to make an impact on people’s lives. It’s something you leave behind for others to continue gleaning from. Sistah’s Place: Tell us about your latest project? Paulette: Certainly. I just released my first anthology, Arise From the Ashes. Arise From The Ashes is a collection of seven stories of hope of women from all walks of life. These women have gone through the fire, walked in places others dare not tread, but unashamed of their scars were willing to bare it all. They share their journeys of going from trials to triumph and pain to purpose. Arise From The Ashes is filled with inspiration, wisdom and life’s lessons from women who have endured personal pain and have come through empowered, encouraged and victorious. My chapter is entitled “Losing To Win.” Here is a teaser. “Never Let Disappointments in Life Define Your Purpose” This was the moment that would change my life forever. There was no turning back, no second-guessing my decision, and no one saying let’s begin again. It was the day I decided to file for divorce. The life I’d wanted, prayed for, and even moved a thousand miles to get, was not the life it turned out to be. There were no signs, no red flags, nothing to forewarn this marriage was not God’s best for my life. It appeared good, but one lesson I learned: good was not enough. I wanted more, I needed more, I deserved more. After all, I belonged to God, and I knew He only wanted the best for my life. It was the most heartbreaking decision I had to make, but I knew my emotional, spiritual, and mental health hung in the balance. I had to ask myself these hard questions. Could I emotionally continue on this path that didn’t appear as if it was headed into greener pastures? Would I allow my spiritual condition to suffer at the hands of another? Mentally, would I accept that the life I was living was beneath its full potential? When you realize maybe you are living beneath your full potential, you will make big moves.
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So with that, I resigned myself to the fact my marriage was over, and this chapter in my life was not going to have a happily-ever-after ending. It takes courage to start over, and even more challenging is having a heart filled with optimism. To do both requires a person to be intentional. I have this motto: Intentionally Living on Purpose. I didn’t realize the true meaning until I was forced to rediscover who I was and what I wanted in life. With the help of the Lord and by His strength, I was determined to live life on my own terms and not settle for anything less than God’s best for my life. It wasn’t easy to accept, but it was a decision that forced me to reassess my life and what I wanted from it. I. Wanted. Happy! Sistah’s Place: Who are some of your influences? Paulette: As a single mother, my mom influenced my life tremendously. I grew up poor and don’t know if that speaks volumes to the person she was. As the youngest of eight, I watched her provide for us, not knowing how hard she was really struggling to make sure we had a roof over our heads, clothes to wear and food to eat every day. If she were alive today, I would gladly give her an award for being the greatest mom. TD Jakes is another influencer in my life. A great author, he has written so many books to help me in my spiritual growth. His motivational books are ideal for anyone who desires to learn, grow and develop their relationship with Christ. 7
Sistah’s Place: How do you prepare yourself for your next story? Paulette: When preparing to write my next romance story, I think about the scenario (what happened in their lives that got them to this place), the characters and how I’m going to get these characters over that dark place. Sistah’s Place: What makes you stand out from everyone else? Paulette: As a Christian author, I must have my own voice. Like all authors, everyone has their own style and flavor in their stories. I am no different. This is what sets the authors apart. Everyone having a certain style of writing that can resonate with their readers. Sistah’s Place: Being an author, would you say there are barriers for Indie authors vs. authors who are signed with a boutique publisher or major publishers? Paulette: I believe all the barriers have been broken because indie authors have done quite well without being signed to a publisher. Yes, for the indie author it takes more work to find readers, but I believe any indie author who has the passion and drives to do the work will succeed. Times have changed and many major publishers are now offering some type of self-publishing services to attract aspiring authors. Sistah’s Place: What advice would you give a new writer or someone desiring to write? Paulette: There are three main steps to writing a book. Get it clear, get it down and get it out. My advice is simple, huh? It may sound obvious, but you can't write a book without planning it first. Anyone desiring to write should list reasons why they want to write. Is it to make money? Is it because you feel you have a story to tell? Is it because you just want to add author to your resume? Whatever the reason, the success of your book will depend on your answer. My advice for anyone desiring to write is to make sure the reason you’re doing it will sustain you when your books are not selling. Sistah’s Place: What’s next for you? Paulette: In addition to working on another Christian romance story, I’m planning on publishing another nonfiction anthology. Wow, I am impressed with this beautiful woman of God. She was truly born to walk in the path of Black Excellence. Paulette Harper is a woman that you definitely want to get to know and connect with. You can learn a lot from this powerful and purposeful sister. Follow and connect with Paulette on all of her social media platforms. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/authorpauletteharper Twitter: https://twitter.com/pauletteharper Amazon author page: http://amzn.com/e/B004FEJKCQ 8
Learn more about Author Letrise Carter by visiting her website at www.LetriseCarter.com
Have you read her debut novel Deceitful Secrets? Meet Devin. He’s handsome, successful and has a beautiful wife, who is equally accomplished. Devin’s lifestyle is one any man would dream of but he’s not content. He has an appetite for women that his wife alone cannot curb. But soon, his playboy antics has him buried deep in a blackmail scandal and the only person who can fix it, is the one person who can destroy his life. Taylor couldn’t ask for anything more. She has a wonderful life. From the outside, all seems perfect but Taylor is harboring a secret that could end her marriage… and his name is Kelly.
Book Cover design by Tywebbin Creations LLC
Deceitful Secrets comes to Amazon with a Love Triangle https://www.amazon.com/Deceitful-Secrets-1-LetriseCarter/dp/1540650820/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1533958418&sr=8-1&keywords=deceitful+secrets Letrise is working on the much anticipated Book 2 in the series Deceitful Secrets. Be sure to join her Facebook group book club group titled Deceitful Secrets Book Series Follow Letrise Carter on social media: Twitter: @AuthorLetrise IG: @LetriseCarter Facebook: @AuthorLetriseCarter
Are Today’s Kids Spoiled? By Selena Haskins Are today’s kids spoiled? According to Debate.Org, 75 percent of the people voted Yes! I also conducted a poll on Facebook and 98 percent of my 8,000 followers said Yes!
Photo Credits: Agung Pandit
Why are children so spoiled today? There are several reasons that could contribute to children being spoiled, but let’s address three of the main factors—economics, education, and alternative parenting methods. After the 21st century, the U.S. economy grew after struggling to regroup from battling two world wars. The U.S. Embassy stated, “the U.S. had a period of economic calm in the 1990s: prices were stable, unemployment dropped to its lowest level in almost 30 years…” According to the Census, the average median household income in the U.S. increased from $47,839 in 1990 to $57, 617 in 2016. No doubt that this tremendous increase in economic growth was due to inflation. However, it was also the result of family heads working longer work hours to provide professional services or services for goods to help grow the economy. With longer work hours, even today, parents 10
have little time for their children. Studies show that workaholic parents are more likely to overcompensate for their absence. The New Yorker stated, “contemporary American kids may represent the most indulged young people in the history of the world. It’s not just that they’ve been given unprecedented amounts of stuff—clothes, toys, cameras, skis, computers, televisions, cell phones, PlayStations, iPods….they’ve also been granted unprecedented authority.” Kids without active parents in their lives become their own boss, defiant, and rebellious to rules. This trend not only applies to households who may have money, but also to families with little means. The paradox is, poorer families give their children their last and expect them to fit in with their peers and rich families give their children everything and expect them to be modest. By the time the children become teens, they have already been predisposed with a sense of entitlement. The Christian Post stated: “a growing number of students enter college with a sense of entitlement. This mentality is part of a growing movement within our culture. A movement that believes access to benefits, institutions, and the like is more akin to a right than a privilege.” Studies have shown that rich privileged teens entering college have poor grades, but expect to attend ivy league schools because their parents did, according to Inside Higher Ed. No doubt, upbringing plays a part in children’s viewpoint of self-entitlement. Has alternative parenting helped? When all else fails, some parents have allowed video games or other devices to take place of their parenting and spending quality time with their children. The results? Psychologytoday.com states: “Children or teen are “revved up” and prone to rages” from playing videogames. Other parents who have been poorly disciplined themselves will likely allow their children to rule themselves. The results of a lack of proper parenting, neglect, and giving children anything they want has been the root cause for children being spoiled and undisciplined today. Additionally, society as well as psychologists have made alternative recommendations that have failed some parents, because not every method can be applied to every child. For parents who actually do try and discipline their children the right way, laws have been created to favor the child over corrective and appropriate discipline. On the one hand, the laws may protect the child from abuse, but on the other hand, it could excuse the child too much from bad behaviors. So, what can you do? Here are some suggestions…. 1. Get to know your child. Don’t allow work or anything else to crowd out quality time. 2. Set limits. Just because you can afford to buy your child whatever he/she wants, does not mean that you should. 3. Give them responsibilities. Allow your child to see the value of hard work by giving them chores according to their age and rewarding them small gifts at first.
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4. Teach them kindness. Help your child to learn to share at an early age. This will help them to be unselfish. 5. Let your “NO” mean no. Let them cry. Let them pout. Let them complain, but don’t you change by giving into their every whim. 6. Stop Self-Importance. Teach them that good self-esteem is not an arrogant sense of entitlement. It’s a belief in one self that breeds confidence, not cockiness. Yes, most children are spoiled today, and if your child is spoiled, it’s not too late to break the habit now! -Author Selena Haskins www.booksbyselena.com
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P TSD I S N O R E SP E C TO R O F P E R SO N S. I F Y O U H AV E H AD AN Y TR AU M ATI C AN D U N J U ST E X P E R I E N C E S “ P TSD TO F R E E DO M ” I S A B O O K Y O U SH O U LD R E AD.
W hen you ex perience traumatic ex periences that alters your emotional and psychological foundation, you begin to ex perience a very personal and fragile meltdown. Y ou survived the initial shock, now the aftermath. W hat now? “ P TSD to F reed om - N o More W ar W ithin” , will tell you to pick up your bed and walk because you are the captain of your ship. Authors Lind a Diane W attley and W illiam Sumner are veterans of the United States Army. They teamed up together to write this ex traordinary and unique book because they have a heart for people suffering with P TSD. W hat they share brings to power that the “ Truth W ill Set Y ou F ree” .
Availab le tod ay in K ind le and p ap erb ack V isit Amazon: http s: / / www. amazon. com/ P TSD- F reed om- M ental- Sp iritual- H ealingeb ook / d p / B 0 7 C Z P K X Q 7 / ref= sr_ 1 _ 1 ? ie= U TF 8 & q id = 1 5 2 6 9 9 3 7 7 9 & sr= 8 1 & k ey word s= p tsd + to+ freed om
Small Business Feature with Crystal Holland: Owner of A Latte Cocoa by Terri Shayne When God gives you strength to endure the worst health issues anyone can fathom, he also gives you another special gift. Who knew that 2017 would be the year that her challenges would ignite her vision, double her blessings and become a gift for Small Business owner Crystal Holland? In January 2017, her mother was diagnosed with Uterine Cancer and as we all know “Momma” is our rock and love of our hearts. Crystal knew the journey ahead would be difficult, but it would be her faith in God, her mother’s strength, and God’s grace that her mother would overcome and be healed.
located in Chicago, IL.
In March 2017, A Latte Cocoa was born when God gave her the vision to create a line of accessories not only to empower women but to help support women's health. The creation of her handmade accessories line was inspired by witnessing her mother’s strength throughout her cancer diagnosis and treatment. A Latte Cocoa is
She answered a few questions about her business that will inspire, encourage, and empower you to listen to the voice, see the vision, and pay it forward.
Sistah’s Place: Tell us a little bit about your business. Following my mother’s health journey, I wanted to channel my passion for beauty and fashion to create a line that will help women. We carry handmade items crafted with love just you! A portion of all of our proceeds is donated to support women’s health. Sistah’s Place: What type of products does your business offer? A Latte Cocoa was started with a line of T-shirts, which included empowering messages for women. We have also added enamel pins and patches. However, we have shifted our focus and found our passion for handmade handbags. Some of our most popular styles include oversized African print foldover clutches, wallets, crossbody bags and more things to come. Follow us on Instagram @alattecocoa for the latest updates. Sistah’s Place: What makes your business unique? Unbeatable drive, dedication, attention to detail, high-quality African fabrics and modern styles is what separates us from the rest. My goal is to help women feel beautiful and stylish while embracing heritage and supporting those waiting for treatment.
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Sistah’s Place: Being a businesswoman, what obstacles have you faced? My biggest obstacle has been finding time to work on my passion while juggling a full-time job and a relationship that is dear to my heart. Good time management, new sources of inspiration and the desire to be my own boss while making a change in the world is what helps me overcome any obstacles. Sistah’s Place: What are some business tips or advice you can give other women in business or those thinking of pursuing entrepreneurship? Do your research, have a passion, live and breathe it. If you really want something, go and get it! Luckily it’s 2018 and there is an inexcusable amount of resources at our fingertips. Believe in yourself. Sistah’s Place: How can folks do business with you and find you on social media/web? The quickest way to get my attention is Instagram DMs @alattecocoa. But for more in-depth proposal email works great alattecocoa@gmail.com Sistah’s Place: What are some of your favorite items? My favorite products are the large African print foldover clutches and the “African Face” wallets. Both are such fun and outstanding pieces!
All photo’s courtesy of Small Business Owner Crystal Holland
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Through this experience, Crystal learned that we as women may experience a multitude of hardships, pitfalls, and challenges, but we will always prevail! We are strong, beautiful, and courageous. She said, we are queens and she honors that with A Latte Cocoa. With everything she creates, her profits are donated to support women who can't afford medical and health services. Talk about paying it forward with her talent, vision, and gift. We cannot help but celebrate Crystal Holland. She declares that “If I can help one woman, excellent if I can help a thousand, job well done. Crystal knows that she can’t save the world, but she believes that we are put o this earth to be a blessing to those around us and living a purpose-filled life is beyond fulfilling for her. Visit her website and support this phenomenal woman with a gift and vision to help the others. The talent that God gives us is not for us, but to be a blessing to others. Follow her on social media and visit her website to learn more about her products. alattecocoa.bigcartel.com Instagram & Twitter: @alattecocoa
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C heck out Author W . P ark s B righam latest release on Amazon. Deception Forgiveness Second Chances Love Sweet Romance Tyrone Marshall had worked hard and made numerous sacrifices to reach his goal at a young age. He was on the rise of fulfilling his dream as being an entrepreneur. The blueprint had been designed and ready to be put into action, when all hell breaks loose and turns his life upside down. Ex-Army Drill Sergeant, Eunice Joi James has put others before herself since she was ten years old, including serving her country. Finally love walks into her lonely life. Yes, a wolf in sheep’s clothing. She throws her hands up and calls it quits. Now, with physical scars and a broken heart, she retires after twenty years of service. With the weight of life’s past misfortunes, can two precious hearts release old baggage and embrace the second chance God has provided for them? Visit her Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/ParksBrighamW/ Website: https://www.wparksbrigham.com/
C oming 2 0 1 9 TB A Soon- Deb ut novel b y Terri Shay ne A story that will have you engulfed, intertwined, and obsessed with the characters in “ The Double L ife” . M eet the woman who has another life, identity, and family in another state. Follow Terri Shayne on Twitter to find out more about her. V isit her new website in August www.terrishayne.com to keep up on her many projects as Freelance writer, new author, and CE O of Sisters Creative P roductions for all of her future productions/screenplays for film and television. Like her Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/TerriShayne/
Check out Author, Freelance Writer, and Entrepreneur Selena Haskins –Get your copy on Amazon and Barnes & Nobles.
NEW POETRY RELEASE Poetry knocked on my door when I was just a little girl. She started rhyming to me in nursery books my mother gave me. Poetry spilled harmony through my speakers from songs of love to songs of heartache and pain. When I walked outside poetry stood on the corners and rapped while the youth pop locked and made beats with their lips and called it, the "Human Beatbox." All around me was poetry and poetry was me. She spoke the colors of my mind that would set me free. This is a collection of poetry, a personal part of me.
Southern gal, Germaine Landry wants to become a writer in the big city of Washington, DC. She meets a privileged heartthrob, Angelo Pearson, who is used to having anything, and every girl he wants. A loner by nature, Germaine is not easily impressed with Angelo's bravado, but he eventually charms his way into her heart. This pair of opposites develops a friendship that catches fire. Their love is seemingly shatterproof until a malicious scheme leads them down a dark path that could end tragically.
Visit her website to learn more about her and follow her on social media http://www.booksbyselena.com/
Five Sure Signs that you’re the side chick By Kimberly R. Jasper Your man is always hustling, so it didn’t bother you that he took you out to dinner the weekend after Valentine’s Day. He’s your Boo; he treats you so well throughout the year that you don’t need that one special day.
Right? Or maybe, he had to take his main chick out on the weekend of and knew he could just hit you up later. You’re always available to him, but when you call, he’s never available to you. No one is that busy, Sis. If he wants you, he’s pursuing you. Period. No one wants to be classified as the side chick. No matter how much you may want to believe that you are the only woman, some guys are much trickier than you think. You are loyal to him, but you are not his main chick. If you don’t already know, here are 5 sure signs that you are the side chick. 1.
HE’S NEVER AVAILABLE
You’re never able to get in contact with him on his phone; if you reach him, he always has to call you back. And when he does call you back, it’s hours later, or worse, the next day. Random hook-ups for lunch or dinner are absolutely out of the question unless he’s the one popping up on you. If you even know where he works, there’s always some reason why you can’t come see him. You only have a cell and work number for him, not his home phone number. Which may be true, lots of people don’t have a home phone, but he has one. You just can’t have the number. Nothing is ever spontaneous. Instead, everything has to be planned, sometimes weeks in advance. And even then, he may cancel at the last minute. This is usually because your man has to not only set aside time for you, but he has to make up lies to tell his main chick.
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A man who wants to be with you will make himself available for you, no excuses. He will make the time, put forth the effort, and make you a priority. If he’s not doing any of those things, and only available at his convenience, you may be the side chick. 2.
HE NEVER TALKS ABOUT THE FUTURE
Whenever you ask him about his plans for the future or inquire about the nature of your relationship, it’s like pulling teeth. He never seems to be able to give you a straight answer. Or even if he does give you an answer, it only eludes to the goals he has set for himself. Simply put, he’s not thinking about a future with you. In his mind, he’s well aware that keeping you as the other woman won’t last for too long, so why plan on a future? He already has his future set up with someone else, so there is really no point in talking about one with you. Then there is the guy that speaks in terms of a future with you but makes absolutely no real moves to make it happen. He says he wants to be with you, but his actions say otherwise. Every signal he sends is mixed, and you’ve become an expert in Morse code just to decipher the meanings. Translation Sis, you’re the side chick. 3.
YOU DON’T CELEBRATE TOGETHER
You never celebrate holidays together. When you do celebrate, it’s before or after the actual day. He always has plans on the day or weekend of but promises to make it up to you later. Valentine’s Day is celebrated the weekend before or after, so is his birthday. Yet somehow, he always manages to be able to join you for your celebratory festivities. This is because his time is being soaked up by his main chick. He celebrates with his family first, and then he does a quick celebration with you after the fact. There is a reason that both February 13 and 15 are known as "National Side Chick Day". You may want to consider how serious he's really taking you and the relationship if he's not spending at least a couple of major holidays with you. Simply put, holidays are reserved for the wife or main chick. There's nothing wrong with a Wednesday night date, meeting for lunch, or Happy Hour on a Friday, but if that's the only time he can see you, there's a good chance you're dealing with a dude who's in a relationship. Sure, some guys may be a little antisocial, but when he never wants to spend time anywhere other than your place, there's a good chance that he's keeping you a secret from someone.
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YOU’VE NEVER MET HIS FAMILY OR CLOSE FRIENDS
Some guys are hesitant to introduce their love interest to their friends, as they're concerned they may not mesh well with one another. That said, if he isn't in a relationship, he'll probably let you meet at least some of his friends and family. I get that these things take time, but if it’s been longer than six months and you haven’t met anyone close to him, that is definitely a sign to pay attention to. If in all the time you've spent together, you've heard countless stories about his friends and family, but you’ve never met them, that's a bright red flag. He’s trying to hide you away if he makes up sketchy excuses about why you can’t meet them, it’s a sign that something is not right. Most men who are proud and happy with their relationship will eventually introduce their woman to family and friends. If you have never met, let alone spoken to any of his key family members or friends, this is a huge sign that you are being hidden from his inner circle. The question you should be asking is Why? I am glad you asked. Because they know his wife or main chick. His mother would surely 20
disapprove, so he comes up with a million reasons why you can’t meet her. But if you’ve only met that one friend or none of his friends at all, chances are, you’re the side chick. 5.
YOU RARELY GO OUT IN PUBLIC
You think it’s cute that he likes to cuddle on the couch, you even admire his thriftiness. When you two go on dates, it’s either across town, in some small local place, or it’s at your house. This is because he doesn’t want to get caught with you in public by someone he knows. And on the off chance that you two are in public, he doesn’t hold your hand, and he doesn’t show you a lot of public affection. As a matter of fact, he acts like he’s not even with you, dropping you off at the front door while he parks the car. Or he simply just meets you there, running late, is his excuse. But you’re the side chick, so he doesn’t even have to try hard if you bounce, he can easily replace you with another. Think about it; even introverts get out every once in a while. So, if your man doesn’t want to be seen with you in public, it’s probably because he’s someone else’s man and you’re just the chick on the side. Kimberly R. Jasper Website: https://mkt.com/krjasperwrites IG: @krjasperwrites
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Black O wned Business
"Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you." - Oprah Winfrey
Check out Kimberly R. Jasper, Author, Freelance Writer, and Entrepreneur making moves that will make you want to get up and chase your dreams. Website: https://mkt.com/krjasperwrites Twitter: @mariasdghtr IG: @krjasperwrites
Meet Nicole Smith, an author on Chosen Pen Publishing. Pick up your copy today on Amazon and be sure to follow her on social media.
W ho is Sistah’ s C reative M ed ia? Sistah’s Creative Media is a boutique media small business with a niche in social media management, promotions, Public Relations Management, and Website set up and management. Our business is a made up of unique, diverse, and creative African American women.
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Small Business Spotlight with Christal White: Lela’s Babies By Mia Thomas When you have a unique gift and talent that is tailored to your soul and hands nothing can stop you. A small business owner name Christal White has that very special gift of stitching and drawing. Her talent will capture your heart while encouraging your spirit. What is her business? Christal White have been crocheting and drawing for five years now giving life to Lela’s Babies located in Alexandria, Louisiana. It all started in Colfax, Louisiana out of her grandmother’s love and passion for whatever it was that she was creating. Christal’s grandmother truly loved her crochets items and hung every drawing where she could around the house.
these particular dolls of color.
It would be later in her life that she developed a love for Black dolls because many of us did not grow up with the likeliness of a doll manufacture creating
She specializes in crochet dolls that are more for a mature audience. The dolls are designed to sit upright and have very long legs.
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All pictures courtesy of owner Her drawings are to inspire and bring a smile to someone’s face. She captures mostly the faces of young people to encourage them especially those who have been bullied. Christal’s drawings have a message of hope, empower, and self-love.
We would categorize her business as a specialty because her products are one of a kind. You will not be able to go into another store to find such gems. As with many small business owners, there are challenges that she must face. We asked Christal, what is a challenge for her business? She said when it comes to handmade items you have customers who always want a discount because they don’t understand the process it took to start with a piece of string and turn it into something beautiful. As with her drawing, customers don’t understand the effort and time 26
invested into creating a drawing for others to relate to is priceless to discount. Christal’s advice to all crafters, know your worth and don’t be undersold by those who don’t value your creativity.
Well said, Christal White! Small business owners should not discount their gifts or their talents. You work hard to share your products with the community. It’s time a community invested in Black Own Business like they invest in many of the major players in retail. Follow her on social media and connect with Christal to learn more about her authentic gifts from the heart. Facebook: Christal Johnson Instagram: @darlise2003
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Press Announcement Sistah’ s P lace B log Talk R ad io show on B log Talk R ad io show is b eing p aused for six months while we focus on our new M agazine Sistah’ s P lace and Sistah’ s C reative M ed ia.
Any interviews sched uled for Sep temb er will still b e d one, b ut no future interviews will b e b ook ed until we revisit our B log Talk Show p latform in Decemb er 2 0 1 8 . W e thank y ou for sup p orting our p latform. W e will p lay and p romote many of the interviews d one over the last four y ears across our social med ia p latforms and Y ou Tub e C hannel. Sistah’ s P lace www. b logtalk rad io. com/ sistahsp lace
