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Leith Jensen – Know Yourself so others can too
Know yourself, so others can too
By Leith Jensen
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HOW MANY OF US HAVE SAT DOWN AND HONESTLY THOUGHT ABOUT EXACTLY HOW WE LIKE TO BE TREATED?
Conscious awareness of the nuance between what lights us up, and what merely propels us along, and why, can be the first great leap towards true fulfilment in relationships and life.
Most people will say they know what they want, but when it gets down to it, they are simply going with the flow. Taking whatever comes their way and making do.
Add to this the possibility that many of the behaviours we think we are “attracted to” could actually be dysfunctional patterns we learned in childhood, and we have a pretty wide scope for disappointments and misunderstandings.
“The 5 love languages” by Gary Chapman breaks down our personal interaction preferences into 5 types: Words of affirmation, Quality time, Acts of service, Gifts and Touch.
Many people have done the quiz, and know generally which ones they identify with in a love context. But they stop there, without working out what each one actually means to them personally, both in loving and platonic relationships.
One person’s understanding of quality time, verses someone else’s can be vastly different. What you see as an act of service, could be a massive boundary overstep for someone else. A gift in one person’s eyes may feel like entrapment to another. And touch, Wowee, now that one can be a minefield.
The good news is that once we choose to look deeply at ourselves, our motivations, our wants and needs, we will start to be able to communicate them to those closest to us.
With personal reflection and clear communication, what once felt like confusion, and random misunderstandings, can be transformed into harmonious, happy and healthy relationships.
The possibilities do not stop there either. Have you ever considered what your conflict resolution needs are? If you are upset, do you want those around you to swoop in and scoop you up, or to just let you deal with it by yourself? If you are crying do you want a big hug, or will that feel claustrophobic and create more stress for you? Some people see standing and fighting as an act of aggression, while others see it as “showing up” for the relationship. Do you want to vent when you’ve had an issue arise or do you want solutions? Every relationship, even the one we have with ourselves could be transformed by simply knowing, and communicating what our needs and expectations are before incidents or situations arise.
In fact, from an energetic point of view, the simple act of tuning into ourselves and understanding where our boundaries, beliefs, needs, wants and limitations lie will create change in the way the surrounding world interacts with us.
Happy exploring.
