VOLUME 12 - ISSUE 2 / APRIL 2016
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INSIDE: Girlfriends In God ~
Are you God’s sparkler? | Page 10
Sophisticated Women ~ Are your feet firmly grounded? | Page 8 Me, Myself, & Inc. ~ Should “No” be your answer? | Page 14
INSPIRATION ~ EDUCATION ~ MOTIVATION
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From The Editor: Judy Smith
olks tell me all the time how they love to hear or read my stories. That is a good thing, since I love to share them. However, I am not the only one with a story. You have one too! I hear most people saying...”my life is just simple, on the verge of being boring”. You did say that didn’t you? Rest assured, it is anything but simple. Actually it is unique and fascinating and it is given to you to share with someone; even if it is just family.
might not think that is funny but here is what’s funny to me. I did all those things and it was a blast....except the pony which we didn’t have. My grandkids have no clue how to play in the woods and what they are missing. Then there are the middle aged....anyone not young and anyone not a senior citizen. They are getting wiser by the day. Actually, they are getting to the point of acknowledging that their parents might have been right about a few things. Andy Rooney said “ I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes”. We cannot ignore the young folks. Take time to talk with them and find out what is on their mind. You might be surprised how smart most of them are....unless you watch Water’s World. If you don’t know, it is a show on TV....funny yet not funny. I overheard this girl at the mall the other day and here is what she said...”It’s weird, though, ‘cause this is my first time job and everything, but I could’ve sworn I was making more money in college just working for my parents as their daughter”. I try to use a lot of humor in my articles because I believe there should be laughter every day but don’t miss the point of what I am saying. Let’s get our noses out of our phones and invest some time in hearing about others. The return on investment will be measureless!
For the most part, articles that are in Sophie Woman’s Magazine are not just run of the mill editorial copy. Yes, we can do those kind of articles and make work a lot easier for us but then this magazine is not about us. At the bottom of our front cover we list INSPIRATION ~ EDUCATION ~ MOTIVATION. In this month’s magazine, we have some articles for young people getting ready for college. We have something for parents with children. We have experience from older folk and may I say, nothing is better than experience. We have articles that will make you laugh, make you cry, inspire you, educate you and motivate you to keep reaching upward. The stories are fabulous and if you don’t take the short time it takes to read them, well...you are missing out. Don’t miss out on talking with others and asking about their lives.....especially senior citizens. They have lived through some very changing times and I love to hear their stories. I know, I am one who is in that group now, but I still love to hear from others. Grandpa was telling his young grandson what life was like when he was a boy.”In the winter we’d ice skate on our pond. In the summer we could swim in the pond, and pick berries in the woods. We’d swing on an old tire my dad hung from a tree on a rope. And we had a pony we rode all over the farm.”The little boy was amazed, and sat silently for a minute. Finally he said, “Granddad, I wish I’d gotten to know you a lot sooner!” You
www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 3
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phie Woman’s Magazine
P.O. Box 1393 22 South Main Ave. Newton, NC 28658 (P) 828-466-0122 (F) 828-466-0124 Editor: Judy Smith Production & Design Manager: Scott Hansley Sales: Judy Smith 828-466-0122 judy@sophiewomansmagazine.com How to place an ad: Call our office at (828)466-0122 and leave a message. One of our sales representatives will return your call as soon as possible. You may also fax material to (828)466-0124. We reserve the right to refuse to run any ad we deem to be controversial or in bad taste.
A Special Thanks To All Of Our Distributors Please be sure to visit all of our participating advertisers and remember to support area local small businesses. For more information about advertising or to view Sophie Woman’s Magazine online, visit our website at www.sophiewomansmagazine.com.
************************************************ Disclaimer: Sophie Woman’s Magazine LLC is published monthly. The articles published in Sophie do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the publisher. All articles are intended for informational purposes only, and none should serve as a substitute for doctor’s advice and orders. Advertisers are solely responsible for the content and validity of information published within their ads and are not necessarily endorsed by the publisher. Deceptive or misleading advertising is not knowingly accepted by the publisher. Advertising is accepted with the understanding that all liability for copyright violations is the sole responsibility of the advertiser. All material submitted for publication is considered to be the sole property of the advertiser. Sophie Woman’s Magazine LLC’s publishers, staff, and other persons involved in the creation, production, or delivery of the magazine (in whatever format) or its content, do not assume any liability or responsibility for the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information provided in the magazine, nor shall they be liable for any direct, indirect, incidental, special, consequential, or punitive damages arising out of the use of the magazine. *************************************************
pg 4 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | April 2016
Message from the Heart
3
Reaching Your Full Potential
6
Sophisticated Women
8
Girlfriends in God
10
The Front Porch
12
Me, Myself, & Inc.
14
I Am Miss America
16
Recipe for Life
18
Lessons of the Hawk
20
Control Your Destiny with Color
22
He Said, She Said
24
Day In & Day Out
26
Outgoing Advice for Incoming Freshmen
28
Last Chance to take the S.A.T.
30
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www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 5
REACHING YOUR FULL POTENTIAL: The Regret of Not Trying by Kim Fletcher, Life Coach, Speaker, Author
effortlessly models what it looks like to live ALL IN. She simply takes what she has and makes the most of it. This way of life took her out of her comfort zone today, off dry land and into the unpredictable waters off the south shore of Maui. Tomorrow it will take her to the nearby airport where she will travel independently to a neighboring island to visit a dear friend who moved to Hawaii a few years ago. Unable to wheel her own chair while carrying her luggage, she will no doubt make a friend or two along the way. And just like me when I first met Judy almost fifteen years ago, they will go away changed. There is a simple reason why. Individuals who live ALL IN are contagious. They nudge us out of our comfort zones. They push us higher, believing we can achieve more than we think.
“Are you ALL IN?” Judy Siegle, Two-time Paralympian
Today was a banner day. I am in Maui, my second home. But it gets better. I happen to be here with three of my greatest friends. And together, we navigated the open ocean to swim and splash as humpback whales played off shore in the distance. I got to witness the grit and determination as one of my friends left her wheelchair behind on the beach in exchange for waves of adventure. Our unusual entrance into the water caused some curious onlookers to ask questions about our adventure, in particular about my dear friend Judy Siegle. Left a quadriplegic by an auto accident just after her high school graduation, Judy has had to choose whether to sit on the sidelines of life or find a creative way to go ALL IN! Today was just one of the days where “ALL IN” won out and she now possesses a pacific ocean adventure as a result. Back on the beach, a homeschool mom and her three kids looked on with great interest as I shared my version of Judy’s amazing triumphant life. Many individuals simply stop living when confronted with the reality of life with a disability. Instead, my friend Judy positioned her disability as a hurdle and has lived now many years trying to see how high she can jump. This champion attitude has opened doors for Judy to travel internationally, compete against elite athletes world-wide and inspire many along the way. Today, Judy’s choice to live beyond her limits became an ocean-front classroom for the three home-schooled sisters who asked me a ton of questions about Judy’s life. I told them that they should never label a person based on the exterior but to always get to know a person’s heart. Judy is quick to deflect compliments on her courage and her stellar outlook because for her she is just being the best she can be as she
pg 6 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | April 2016
They inspire us with their commitment and courage. They cause us to ask ourselves one simple question that holds the power to transform any life… “Are you living as a spectator, allowing life to pass you by or are you ALL IN?” Over dinner as the sun set, Judy laughed at the fun phrase “FOMO syndrome.” She has that syndrome and it drives her head-first into many great life adventures. She was quick to define this as the “Fear Of Missing Out.” Picture my friend today as she left her land chair behind in the sand in exchange for the open ocean and ask yourself where are you holding back. What fear has a grasp on your heart? Now, take what is holding you back and make it the hurdle you now leap over. Jump higher. Dive deeper. You may not know all of the strength and courage you possess until you decide to go ALL IN. Take a leap of faith and send me your personal ALL IN stories. I will pass them on to Judy … after all, we all need to be encouraged on our journey. Remember … Failure is often the product of not even trying. I can promise you as I stood in awe of my swimming, spinal-cord-injured bestie today, not trying is not a regret you want to live with. Follow Judy’s lead and go ALL IN! Get out there and try. After all, trying makes a much greater story regardless of the outcome. Kim Fletcher is a free-flowing coach and consultant who unlocks the hidden gifts and activates the true identity of individuals and companies globally. Kim believes that life is best lived outside the box. She joyfully provides free consultations to those who are serious about transforming their future. Leave your regret behind as you consider a coaching partnership today. Contact her directly at: kimfletchercoach@aol.com.
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ophisticated
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By Nicole Greer, PPCC Founder and Principle Coach at Vibrant Coaching
ithout you even knowing it, you jump to conclusions. This robs you of opportunities. Our “get’er done” world creates pressure to act and act NOW. The Sophie Woman understands that a sense of urgency serves us well but, only when we have come to our senses with our feet firmly grounded.
mental models get the best of me. It happened in about 5 seconds flat. However, as a Sophie Woman, I came to my senses. I had just been exposed to The Ladder of Inference in my master’s degree program at Queens University. I tested the Model.
Coming to our senses is recognizing that there is a process for thinking that provides a solid foundation for our reaction to life. Harvard Professor Chris Argyris, offers a metaphor that compares our thinking to navigating the rungs of a ladder. His model is, The Ladder of Inference. An inference is defined as: a conclusion reached on the basis of evidence and reasoning. The problem with our process for coming to our inferences (conclusions) is that we seldom slow down to see all… AND, I repeat ALL the information readily available to us. Rarely, do we stop to ask a powerful question. And dare I say it, we’re judgmental. Our jumping to conclusions is based on our beliefs, assumptions, and “mental models” about life.
The first rung of the ladder is to gingerly take hold of the ladder, slow down and with all senses observe the data. I went to LinkedIn and looked up Abdallah’s profile. He is a coach, a Toastmaster, and an organizational development leader.
Instead, we are well served to base our conclusions on facts and data. Let me tell you about Abdallah. Abdallah found me through LinkedIn, a social media site for professionals. When Abdallah, from Saudi Arabia, searched LinkedIn looking for a speaking coach with a Toastmasters background, he found me. He emailed me. What do you think happened next? I saw an unfamiliar name. It was an Arabic name. It was a man. I concluded, “This is spam.” All my Christian, southern, and female “mental models” of the way things “should be” bubbled up. Immediately, I thought this email was: not legitimate, unsafe, and weird. Without even really THINKING, I let my accumulated years of personal and cultural
pg 8 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | April 2016
The Ladder of Inference Model
The second rung of the ladder is to carefully go one step higher and with all senses and select data that sorts out the facts. Abdallah works for Saudi Telecom doing leadership development. He has over 500 connections with people from all over the world many with whom I am connected. The third rung of the ladder is to gain stability in thinking and with all senses adding meaning to what is seen. Abdallah’s e-mail requested information about my coaching. This is just like any other prospect. He stated, he was a Toastmaster in Saudi Arabia. He would be in Charlotte to attend the International Coaching Federation Conference. He wanted to be coached in preparation for the Toastmasters International Speech Contest held in Washington, DC later this year. Personally and culturally, Abdallah and I have similar goals, beliefs, and hopes. The fourth rung of the ladder is to make assumptions on the meanings gathered with all senses. I chose to assume that Abdallah and I have a lot in common. I assumed that I could broaden my mental models by engaging with somebody, who on the surface, is different. The fifth rung of the ladder is to draw conclusions. I concluded, I can help him. The sixth rung of the ladder is to adopt a belief about the situation. I believed, if he wins the contest, I win.
The seventh rung of the ladder is to take action. I e-mailed Abdallah back. I am pleased to say that because I grounded myself with The Ladder of Inference model, Abdallah and I coached. We have more in common than anyone would believe. His speech called, The Five Candles, is about the idea that each of us must SHINE. Don’t miss that. That is a really VIBRANT idea! The next time you jump to conclusions, stop. Get your senses about you. Step onto and up the ladder. With your thinking firmly grounded but your sights set higher, you’ll be a Sophie Woman with an elevated, global perspective. And, perhaps drawing carefully constructed conclusions that could lead to peace.
At its deepest level, working with a coach frees you to identify your birthright gifts, discern your deepest passions, and fulfill your highest purpose. A coach can pry you off dead center. As Principal Coach for Vibrant Coaching and Workshop Leader for The Lydia Group, LLC, a collaboration of individuals focused on work, life and spiritual growth, Nicole is on a mission to impact, energize, and influence people to lead a Vibrant Life by engaging the possibilities. As a life and business coach and workshop leader, Nicole views her role as a conduit to release all that you want to achieve. www.thevibrantcoach.com/www.thelydiagroup.com
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Are You God’s Sparkler? by Sharon Jaynes
Today’s Truth
“You are the light of the world” (Matthew 5:14 NIV).
Friend to Friend
My brother was about four years old when he decided to grab a box of matches and a handful of sparklers to see how they worked. He had heard that sparklers worked best in the dark, so he went into the darkest place he could find at Grandma’s house…her wardrobe closet. Stewart snuck into the darkness, crouched amongst the dresses and coats, and lit the first match. The sparklers immediately began shooting fiery sparks in all directions. Within moments, he noticed more than sparklers on fire. Grandma’s clothes were up in flames. (I’m happy to say that Stewart wasn’t harmed, unless you count the spanking he got from Grandma.) Friends, we don’t have to go into a closet to find the darkness. It’s waiting for us the moment we step out the front door, turn on the television, or listen to the six o’clock news. The world is full of darkness at every turn. Satan is not our only enemy. The Bible tells us that our struggle is against the world, the flesh, and the devil. What exactly is the world? In the Bible there are several definitions. Sometimes world refers to all the people on the earth: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son” (John 3:16). In some instances world refers to the planet earth itself. At other times world refers to the world’s values and mores. It is this worldliness that Paul refers to when he says, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world” (Romans 12:2). Jesus said that the world hated Him and we shouldn’t be surprised if it hates us as well (John 15:18-19). Both refer to the world’s values or ways of thinking. The Bible also tells us that “the whole world is under the control of the evil one” (1 John 5:19). It seems as though we are splitting hairs here. But when we consider the power of the enemy and the pull of the world systems, they are almost one and the same. Right now, the world systems are being heavily influenced by the evil one.
Let’s Pray
Heavenly Father, sometimes I am discouraged about all the darkness in this world I live in. It seems like there is evil at every turn. Some of it huge, like Isis. Some of it small, like enticing billboards. Thank You that You have made me more than a conqueror—that You have given me the power of the Holy Spirit to overcome the darkness that surrounds me. Help me walk in the sure-footedness of a woman who knows in Whom she believes. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Now It’s Your Turn
Jesus said that He was the light of the world (John 8:12). But did you know that He also said that YOU are the light of the world (Matthew 5:14)? How are you like a light in this world? According to what Jesus said, recorded in Matthew 5:14-16, what are you to do with the light that you have been given? “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” If you’re willing to be a sparkler today, click over to my Facebook page and say, “I’m going to be a sparkler for God today!”
More from the Girlfriends
On the outside, many women are well-put-together Christians with trendy shoes, beautiful children, and wide, white smiles. On the inside, those same women are little girls cowering at the edge of the playground, hoping no one notices them, yet still wishing they could join in. They’ve professed faith and know the right things, but they struggle to truly take hold of the “life more abundant” that Jesus offers. Instead, they settle for a life that’s less than what God has promised them.
But here’s the hope. Jesus said, “But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).As long as we live in the world, we will feel its pull. But God assures us that we have what it takes to “overcome the world” (1 John 5:4-5). We have the power of the Holy Spirit living in us and faith in Jesus who works through us. As you go through your day, you may feel the pull of the world on your heart. A temptation to look at something you shouldn’t look at. A temptation to buy something that you don’t have the money to buy. A temptation to flirt with someone you should run from. A temptation to light up a sparkler in the dark to see what it looks like. You have the power to overcome every single temptation this world throws at you. So go about your day walking in the confidence and power of the conqueror you are.
pg 10 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | April 2016
Take Hold of the Faith You Long For
In this liberating book, I reveal the most common reasons women get stuck with a mediocre, mundane faith. Then I show you how to break free and move forward, leaving behind the feelings of inferiority, inadequacy, and insecurity that are holding you hostage. I uncover untapped sources of confidence and courage, equipping you to move from knowing the truth to actually believing it—and living it out boldly in a life marked by true freedom. Let go! Move forward! Live bold! Girlfriends in God P.O. Box 1311 Huntersville, NC 28070 info@girlfriendsingod.com www.girlfriendsingod.com
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3/17/16 3:04:28 PM www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 11
Front The
Porch
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hen I can sit on my back porch, drink my coffee and read my Bible....well, it is just a little piece of Heaven. The other day I was pondering the Sunday School lesson that I had just taught and thinking about the story of the Nobel Peace Prize. Most people don't know the story of how it was originated and is still controversial to this day as to the reason. This is the most common story though and one that is very fascinating. In 1888, when a humble Swede by the name of Ludwig Nobel died, the French press confused him with his younger brother Alfred — the famed Swedish entrepreneur and inventor who amassed his fortune by making such deadly delights as dynamite and ballistic — and ran a cutting epitaph about this “Tradesman of Death.” Alfred Nobel, having the rare misfortune of witnessing his legacy while still alive, found himself heartbroken and determined to change his story before it was too late. Likening his tale to that of Scrooge in A Christmas Carol, Oldfield writes: "Nobel had a vision of the future that might be, and he decided to change his destiny. He thought for a while about what to do. Then, on November 27, 1895, he took action. He went to the Swedish Norwegian Club in the Marais in Paris, sat down at a writing desk — which is still there (the venue is now called simply the Swedish Club) — and wrote his last will and testament". Nobel signed his last will and testament and set aside the bulk of his estate to establish the Nobel Prizes, to be awarded annually without distinction of nationality. He allocated 94% of his total assets to establish the Nobel Peace Prize and this is how he changed the way he was remembered.
pg 12 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | April 2016
by Judy Smith
How would you like to be sitting on your porch with coffee and a newspaper and open the obituaries to find yours there? What would it say? How do you want to be remembered? As I am reading my Bible I am reminded that God created all, including me. I am also reminded that non are perfect....especially not me. As I sit and look around me at all God has created, I am amazed. Maybe you don't believe in the Heaven I am talking about or the God I am talking about. In Psalms, David tells us that the heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display His craftsmanship. Let's just forget about that for a moment. Look at the Human body. How can anyone believe there is not a creator and that all of the human race was just created by a big bang or we came from monkeys? How much faith does it take to believe those theories over God? My obituary will not declare my perfection but I sure hope it declares my next home. I am a sinner but I am a sinner that is saved by Grace and my home is not this world but to live with my Creator for all eternity? What happened to Alfred Nobel was a gift. Yet, he may have changed the way he would be remembered but what about after he died? He may have left millions for great things but did he do the one thing that mattered for all eternity? What about you? Do you know THE CREATOR? If not, I would love to share with you what God's Word says.
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www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 13
Should “No” be your answer? If you are like many women I know, including myself, we can have a hard time saying “No” when asked to assist, participate, attend, contribute, get involved, and the list goes on. The reasons for being so willing all have great merit. We genuinely care. We genuinely want to help. We genuinely believe we can make that difference. We genuinely think we can do it, so what is one more little thing in the scheme of things? Right? In addition to the many things we say “Yes” with regard to others’ requests, what about the things we convince ourselves that we must do or should do, or we believe we are the only ones who can do them? It is no wonder that sometimes we feel as though we are walking a tightrope of responsibilities and obligations! Sometimes the most positive thing we can do for ourselves and for others is to say “No,” because it opens up a realm of opportunities to say “Yes” that are more gratifying and satisfying. Consider if any of these reasons are in play that make it difficult for you to say “No.” A Need to Please: Being liked is a great feeling, and appearing to be easy going is a likable trait. Being someone that people can turn to also creates a sense of worthiness. However, if you feel that pleasing others and doing what they always want to do is what it takes to be liked and appreciated, then you are in essence not liking yourself all that much. What you want matters too. A Need to Fix: When something appears to be broken, whether it is a relationship or a situation, we say “yes” because we believe we can fix it. Being willing to step up to help is most certainly worthwhile, however, the real question that needs to be asked is, “Are you the one that needs to fix it, or is this really someone else’s ultimate responsibility?” A Need to Control: When it comes to a need to control, this is when you are saying “Yes” to yourself in what you feel you must do and have to do, even if it is not what you really want to be doing. No one else’s potential assistance or contribution is being considered because you feel that by being in control, you can also control the outcome, the expectations, and everything in between. In the meantime, you are stressed, running yourself ragged, and not much fun to be around. So who really is in control? The sad reality is, not even you.
pg 14 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | April 2016
A Need to React: When you are a fast-mover and thinker, and also someone who can take initiative at a second’s notice, this can be a double-edged sword. Your fast thinking also gets you to react in ways that may not be best serving you in the shortterm or long-term. When asked to do anything, or when you are feeling an internal push to react immediately, stop and pause just a moment to allow your need to react catch up with what is really occurring. Do you really need to give an answer or have an answer right at that moment? Do you really need to drop everything and handle this particular situation? A Need to be Needed: Pleasing is one thing, however, are you potentially so driven by a need to be needed that you accept responsibilities and obligations beyond what you should be doing? The end result is adding stress and taking away from what you would really like to be doing, causing an underlying resentment and frustration, feeling unappreciated, and yet, craving that need to be needed. Consider this. What are your needs unrelated to anyone else? How can you best nurture these needs? Chances are, the answer is by saying “No” to being needed so much by others. Our free will is among our greatest assets towards knowing and living the life we truly enjoy each and every day. As Judith Sills Ph.D. stated in her Psychology Today article entitled The Power of No, “Wielded wisely, No is an instrument of integrity and a shield against exploitation. It often takes courage to say. It is hard to receive. But setting limits sets us free.” Allow your inner self to guide you and free you, and you will find that when you do say “Yes,” you are agreeing to what truly nurtures, invigorates and delights you.
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www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 15
I Am Miss America Because My Father Told Me So.
by Mary Felkins
When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, He said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” Judges 6:12 At some point in time, it’d become part of my Dad’s morning ritual. His smiling eyes would fall on me from the bottom of the stairs, he’d lean a hand against the banister, and then he’d sing terribly off key and with awkward cadence, bless him - but still, he’d sing: There - she - is, Miss A-mer-i-ca… He’d even punctuate the syllables with just as much flare as Bert Parks, one of the pageant’s most memorable hosts. Dad’s celebratory serenade ended about where it began since that’s all he could remember of the composition. I’d grab my school books, head out the door, turning my eye roll away from him as if truly annoyed when really, he’d both honored and empowered me with his words. Had I ever even considered entering a beauty pageant? No way. But maybe it was because I never felt the need. I already was Miss America. Why? Because Dad told me so. The man had blessed me with the truth as he saw it, with eyes to see what I couldn’t see. And when I brought home, ahem, three C’s on a report card in junior high, marring what could have been an easy-on-theeyes column of straight A’s, he took a glance at it. Then, saying nothing, he ambled into his bedroom and retrieved an aging slip of paper that showed where he’d once earned a D in physical education class. Lesson learned? I’d made mistakes, but my father chose to believe his daughter was a capable, talented, and intelligent Miss America-of-sorts. So it was high time I acted like it! Picture this. When God addressed Gideon as a mighty warrior, the kid was threshing wheat in a winepress, hiding it from the enemy, and probably scared out of his brains. Looking nothing like a warrior, certainly not a mighty one. But God knew Gideon.
pg 16 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | April 2016
Really knew him. In calling him mighty warrior, it was if God had said, “I see you for what you are capable of becoming, not what you are now. So it’s high time you acted like it!” I realize that my relationship with my father is unique. Not everyone can give thought to her earthly father and feel the brush of treasured and tender memories as I can. Indeed, many, many girls and women have suffered greatly at the hands of their fathers. The mere mention of the word makes them curl fingers into a fist and shudder. Enter, then, the hero of the story, Almighty God. He loves perfectly, pursues jealously, forgives lavishly, knows intimately. He always sees His creation for what they are capable of becoming and addresses them as such… ~ Mighty warriors ~ Pageant winners ~ Academic scholars ~ CEOs ~ United States presidents ~ Domestic engineers ~ Best-selling authors ~ Inspirational leaders ~ Financial geniuses ~ Home Educating heroes And on and on His list goes. So, now you know. I am Miss America :) But please hold your applause, because I’ve wondered, are there mighty warriors and beauty pageant winners in my sphere of influence who don’t yet know it? Who has no one to serenade them - on key or off - as they balance life’s burdens on their head while also trying to maintain a graceful gait? Do some of them work where I work? Do they attend my church? Do they ring up my groceries? Do their children play on the same team as mine? Good golly, do they live in my house? (Yeah, those people)
Has God called me to draw someone away from the shadows of a winepress and embolden them with a call to arms? To don their evening gown and accept their jeweled and weighty crown? Who maybe struggles with stinkin’ thinkin’ and is acting less than their full potential? Gideon clearly didn’t view himself with the same degree of confidence just yet. His next two responses were ladened with hesitancy, fear and doubt. ‘But sir…’ (vs 13), followed soon after with, ‘But Lord…’ (vs. 15). It took him a while, but when Gideon finally realized it was the angel of the Lord Who’d addressed him as mighty warrior, he boldly destroyed his father’s idols as the Lord instructed (vs 25-27). I, too, have come to believe I have what it takes to do the brave and daring, to receive the winning crown. Which makes it official: I am Miss America. Because my Father in heaven told me so. Where’s your crown?
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Woman’s Magazine
Inspiration Education Motivation
Mary Albers Felkins is a former Registered and Licensed Dietitian turned writer. Her first novel, a contemporary Christian romance, is currently under contract with Prism Book Group (www.prismbookgroup.com). She considers scripture the most alluring romance ever written. Married to Bruce Felkins, together they have four (adolescent to young adult-sized) arrows in their quiver. She can be bribed to take a break from writing if chocolate is involved in the negotiation process. For stories that stir the soul, Mary cordially invites you to her website, www.maryfelkins.com
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Recipes for ife
L
by Emily Wickham
Food for the Body Cinnamon Chip Scones (Recipe by Jenny Gallegos)
2 c. all-purpose flour ¼ c. granulated sugar 2 tsp. baking powder 1/8 tsp. salt 1 tsp. cinnamon 1/3 c. unsalted butter, chilled 2/3 c. heavy cream (or half & half) 1 large egg 1 ½ tsp. vanilla extract ½ c. cinnamon chips Approx. 2 Tbsp. half & half (for brushing tops of scones)
1) Preheat oven to 425 degrees and butter a baking pan. 2) Mix together the flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon. 3) Using a pastry blender, cut butter into the flour mixture until the texture becomes like coarse crumbs. 4) Stir the cream, egg, and vanilla together in a small bowl. Add this mixture to the flour mixture, stirring to combine. Blend in the cinnamon chips. 5) Pat dough ½ inch thick on a lightly floured surface. Cut out rounds with a floured 2 ½ inch diameter biscuit cutter and put them on the baking sheet. Brush tops with half & half. 6) Bake 15-20 minutes or until just browned—watch closely! Cool 5 minutes and serve warm or transfer to wire rack. A Prayer for God’s Blessing
Loving Father in heaven, You are Eternal Father, Holy Father, righteous Father, and Abba! Father. I confess the wayward tendencies of my heart that lead me away from You. Thank You for Your compassion and love—please keep me close to Your side as I walk through life. In Jesus’ precious name, Amen. Food for the Soul She boarded a plane and flew to Alaska. Just. Like. That.
Last December my dear friend, maker of scones and all sorts of culinary delights, moved away. And I miss her. It hasn’t registered
pg 18 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | April 2016
fully in my mind that she now resides across the country—not a short drive across town. Getting together for coffee or tea and inspiring, lengthy chats can’t happen anymore because she no longer lives nearby.
God, a God of relationship, designed people to be relational like Him. While personalities range from introvert to extrovert, we all need others in some capacity. Healthy relationships benefit each person involved, so when a friend is distanced from us—physically, emotionally, or spiritually—we carry a sense of sadness. God completely understands this feeling of missing a loved one.
Have you heard Jesus’ story of the prodigal son? Two sons lived with their father on the family property. One day, the younger son asked his dad to give him his inheritance early, and upon receiving it, he greedily scooped up his money. The son headed off to a “better” way of life, filled with indulgent living and partying friends. Eventually the wayward son had nothing left. Wearily, he hungered for pig food as he fed the dirty, smelly creatures. “But when he came to his senses, he said … ‘I will get up and go to my father, and will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in your sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me as one of your hired men.”’ And he got up and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off his father saw him, and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him, and kissed him” (Lk. 15:17-20, Nasb).
I love how the father saw his son “a long way off.” From the day his son left until the day he returned, this dad missed his child. When the errant son finally “came to his senses … and came to his father,” his dad responded enthusiastically. Instead of reprimanding his son for squandering his wealth, he embraced him with compassion. Friend, sometimes we choose to walk away from our heavenly Father. Those who’ve been saved by faith in His Son, Jesus Christ, still make bad choices occasionally. Perhaps we experience tremendous loss and blame it on God. Maybe other Christians hurt us, so we react by distancing ourselves from God. Or, it’s possible we long for this world’s attractions more than holiness, so our hearts wander far from Him. God, our Father, misses us when we “leave” Him for any reason. Wisely understanding our need to see the error of our ways, He patiently waits. He rejoices upon our repentant return. If you’re living as a prodigal, won’t you come home into your Father’s arms today? Love to you in Christ, and until next time, that’s a Recipe for Life…
Emily Wickham gently reaches women’s hearts as she teaches God’s Word. Through various writing endeavors, she encourages readers into close relationship with God. Additionally she hosts and speaks at the Connecting with Christ Conference. Visit www.proclaiminghimtowomen.com to read Emily’s blog. Connect with her via social media: www.facebook.com/emilywickham.author www.twitter.com/emilywickhamPH Emily, grateful to God for His blessings, enjoys life with her loving husband and children in western NC.
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www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 19
Lesson of the
Hawk by Debbie Roberson
I
saw it crouched in the grass on the right side of Highway 64 West, just outside of my little hometown of Jamesville, North Carolina. It was a hawk - up close and way too personal.
Time crawled as I drove by the scene. In slow motion, the hawk lifted his head. He was aloof and dangerous and unafraid. He compelled me to watch. He drew me in and coerced me with his stare. He gazed straight at me and regarded me coldly with his piercing black eyes. He dared me to keep looking as he lowered his head and returned to his meal. I observed helplessly – as if stuck in a nightmare - and he sunk his sharp talons deep into the helpless little rabbit. It squirmed and jerked in the hawk’s strong death grip. The hawk tore at the fur and flesh with his powerful hooked beak - and then he looked up at me again. The look was callous and cold. I shuddered and tore my eyes away from the scene. I had only observed the hawk for a couple of seconds, but it seemed so much longer. I was trembling as I continued the 15 minute drive down 64 West to Williamston. As I drove along, I attempted to shake the gory visual of the hawk from my mind by mentally running over the list of things that I needed to pick up from Walmart. As I approached Sweet Water Creek Bridge, just a couple of miles east of Williamston, I glanced up to my left, and there high up in the top of a tree sat yet another hawk perched on a naked limb. I tilted my head a bit and peered up through my
pg 20 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | April 2016
driver’s side window, amazed that I had seen not one, but two hawks, in a span of a few minutes. He sat in icy silence, high above the rural landscape of eastern North Carolina, watching and waiting for his next victim. The slaughter of the little rabbit came instantly back to me in vivid living color, and I wanted to scream out a warning. I drove on into town and as I went about my day, the Lord kept bringing the sight of those hawks back to my mind. I wondered to myself what He might be trying to teach me. Why had He allowed me to come along just in time to see that little rabbit be torn apart by the hawk? I pondered it and I prayed about it, and the Holy Spirit spoke to me. He reminded me that Christians should always be alert - always be vigilant - always be prayed up - and always be covered by the armor of God . . . because there is an Evil One lurking out in the world, and he comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I reflected with deep sadness on all the many people who don’t know Jesus. Without Him they are helpless against the attacks of the devil. They are just as defenseless as that little rabbit who was mercilessly torn apart and eaten by the hawk on the side of Highway 64. I thank God for the lesson of the hawk. It has given me a burden to pray for those who don’t know Jesus – and to scream out a warning.
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He spirits them away to be devoured. They have no hope for rescue – It’s too late. Dear Reader – I am screaming out a warning. Do you know my Jesus? Don’t wait until it’s too late. He wants to save you. “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”Ephesians 6:12 Debbie Roberson is a wife and the mother of a grown married son. She is also the mother of a beautiful daughter who now lives in Heaven. She is a lover of Jesus with a desire to encourage and inspire others through the words that He puts in her heart.
www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 21
Control Your Destiny
with color by Susan Guest, ASID
I
admit to giving adult coloring books to family and friends this past Christmas. Our lives are so stressful and serious that we all need some fun at different times. Most of us have more fun when we are reliving a fond childhood memory or doing something creative. Coloring is supposed to reduce blood pressure and help us relax. There have also been many studies on how color influences our lives. For instance, did you know that the color of your kitchen may affect the size of your thighs? Or that the color of your child’s room might affect their learning capacity? Color psychology is used on us every day, even though most of us are unaware of this. For example, fast food signs are usually red or yellow-colors that make us want to devour a triple burger, biggie fries, and a large gulp. My kitchen is neither red, nor yellow but I manage to stay hungry enough without color stimulants! At a color seminar a few years ago, I learned that purple is a great color for those of us who often have to switch between left and right sides of the brain (analytical verses creative thinking). Interior designers, engineers, graphic artists and many other professionals should heed this advice. Purple is also a “brain color” that helps children learn faster. Greens and blues, of course, are usually soothing colorsdepending on the intensity of the hue. They remind us of nature trails or a walk by the sea. Orange is a great color pg 22 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | April 2016
for an exercise room or physical therapy area because it stimulates our muscles. Red can stimulate your sex life; but can also cause insomnia if used in a bedroom. Black and white are usually desired by people going through major life transitions such as divorce or troubled times. At different points of our lives, we physically need and crave different colors. People who are aware of their body’s needs tend to automatically select colors that nourish their body. For this reason, it is important to let a child select a color for his or her room. If it is too obnoxious, use it as accents such as pillows or removable wall decals. Each color is special and has its own purpose in reflecting light. Thank God for His ultimate creativity and for healing us with color. Examples of His love are seen in a beautiful sunset, varied hues of a mountain range, and the inspiring rainbow. Let us be mindful of His attention to detail in providing what each of us needs. In the mean time, color on! Whether it is in a color book or on a wall, your happiness, health, and well-being may be at stake! Susan Guest, ASID is an award-winning interior designer in Hickory and owner of Guest Interiors, LLC. She is one of the designers featured in “Spectacular Homes of the Carolinas”, found in high-end bookstores around the country. President of ASID Carolinas. For more information, visit www.guestinteriors.com.
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He Said, She Said
putting the Gloves On how to fight fair
Y
by David and Amy Washco
ou won’t always agree or see eye-to-eye on everything in a relationship. Should a disagreement escalate into a heated discussion, are you equipped to fight a fair fight? Articulating your position with a commitment to resolving the issue is important in a healthy relationship.
He Said: My dad was one of my heroes growing up. He gave great advice about relationships. I remember him saying, “Marriage is not about keeping score by tallying points.” What I believe he meant was that no matter what happens, two people in a relationship should face challenges together. Every day is a new slate. As survivors of divorce, Amy and I discussed early in our dating relationship our individual communication styles including how we both handle arguments. We established boundaries such as giving each other space when needed, settling arguments so we don’t take anger into a new day and never threatening each other with the “D” word (divorce) no matter how heated a discussion becomes. One of the most under-rated habits of Stephen Covey’s, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, is number 5: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” This has been one of the most powerful and loving ways to show my wife how much I value her and our relationship. Warning! This habit takes practice. Active listening requires being present in the moment. It’s not about jumping to a quick fix which is how most men are wired. Do not selfishly prepare your defense while your wife is talking. She said: I grew up knowing that fighting in a relationship is normal. What I didn’t see modeled was how to go about it in smart loving way. My father was an alcoholic. His communication style in an argument was to be verbally abusive and dismissive. My mother was an English teacher. Her argument style was highly verbal and logical which only works when your partner is sober. My communication style can sometimes be a hot mess. I find it hard to take the emotion out of a situation. When I do this successfully, I am pleased to see that most arguments are the result of a simple misunderstanding or miscommunication.
pg 24 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | April 2016
In past relationships I felt so “wronged” I would exert all my energy into winning a fight. David was my best friend before I married him. When we established boundaries while dating, we discussed “hot buttons.” These are the phrases or terms or actions that because of my past experiences will result in a “tazmanium devil” wife response. He does his very best not to push those (although I’m sure it’s tempting at times). Becoming a parent has honed my communication skills as well. I am very aware that our daughters are watching and taking mental notes of what discussions, arguments and fights look like for future reference. While David and I may have heated discussions in their presence, we don’t allow the argument to escalate or pull them into it. You may not always be on the same page in a relationship. What’s important to remember is that you’re still in the same book. Here are some tips for fighting a fair fight: • • • • •
Set argument boundaries during a calm discussion. The size of your ears should be proportionate to the size of your heart. Seek to understand before being understood. When you are wrong, own it. Apologize, and move on. Agree to disagree. If the issue is not “core” to the health of the relationship, let it go. Love doesn’t require that you change your partner. Learn to say: I am angry with you, but I still love you. There’s comfort and power in unconditional love. Children and partners need to hear that especially in the heat of discussion.
David and Amy Washco are survivors of divorce and serve as relationship advocates. With a financial and marketing background, they are married and live in Hickory, NC. David and Amy are parents to 17 year old Savannah and 9 year old Riley.
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Day In and Day Out... The Dating Dialogue by Jackie E. Perry, MS, LPCS, NCC
‘I have exciting news!” Grace said as she bounded past me and plopped on the couch in my office. Wondering what she had to share, I quickly closed the door, spun around and excitedly inquired, “What?! What wonderful thing has happened?” With a huge smile on her face, Grace squealed, “Kyle and I are officially dating!” “Wow, this is big news!” I said as smiled from ear to ear. Like many teen girls at the start of a relationship, Grace had trouble talking about anything else. Knowing this, I let her share more details about this new development. As she talked about their dates together thus far, I asked if they had set physical limits or talked about temptations. Her eyes grew big as she hastily responded, “We are both definitely waiting until marriage to have sex!” “At least I am,” she emphatically added. “Grace, that is so awesome,” I said, “but you need to know that a lot can happen apart from sexual intercourse.” Wide eyed and quiet now, Grace agreed. As we talked more about this, she shared how several of her friends had already given in to sexual temptations with their boyfriends. Even though she was disheartened by their decisions, she hoped that her commitment and determination to stick to it would be enough. She never really thought about the challenges that might make it hard to remain committed to purity. Grace is not unlike most high school girls I meet. Regardless of their commitment to remain pure, many teens do not have a plan to resist the physical temptations they will face in their relationships with the opposite sex. Not surprisingly fewer and fewer stay the course. One large nationwide survey indicated that 80% of “evangelical” adults between 18-25 years of age did not wait until marriage to have sex. (The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, 2009) Over the years, I have read many articles that try to explain why abstinence movements seem to have failed. Most cite a combination of reasons which often include the media’s perverted portrayal of sex, the prevailing “if it feels good, do it” philosophy, the exponential rise in
pg 26 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | April 2016
pornography as well as a blatant misunderstanding of God’s intention for this limit. While I would certainly agree that all of these play a role, from my vantage point as a counselor working with teens and families, I would add another. I believe there is an enormous void when it comes to open and ongoing discussions AT HOME about sex, sexual desires and temptations, and the ongoing challenges kids face as they spend more and more time with the opposite sex. Too many parents (and kids) think that a desire to say “now, a purity ring, a ceremony, or one candid talk about the consequences of sex before marriage is enough. Some avoid the discussion altogether because of the awkwardness or resistance they get from their kid. Still others hope the talk at school or occasional admonitions from a youth pastor or youth worker will be enough. We need to wake up to the reality that in order for kids like Grace to keep the commitment they made, they will need one or more adults in their life who affirm their desire to want more in a relationship but who remind them that God’s limits come from an incredible heart of love for them. They will need someone who is honest with them about how challenging it can be to remain sexually pure. They will need someone who will lovingly set limits, hold them accountable, and regularly ask them tough questions. If and when they mess up, they will need someone who will reflect the amazing grace of the Father and who will lovingly urge them not to throw in the towel because of their mistake but instead to run toward a God who remains crazy in love with them regardless of their failure. Ideally, this message, does not come from just one person nor does it happen in one day or in one conversation. Instead, it comes from many people and it continues before, during and after relationships with the opposite sex begin or end. We can’t wait for our kids to initiate this discussion because most tell me they don’t know how. They are waiting on YOU to begin the dialogue. They need you to keep it going. They are listening even when you don’t think they are. When YOU do this, you get the chance to reflect the heartbeat of the Father and His ultimate purpose to refine them as they trust in His perfect plan. So, will YOU be that person? For your son, your daughter, their friends, your friend’s kids? Because the dialogue out there has already begun. And, our kids are listening to it because they aren’t hearing much from you.
Jackie E. Perry, MS, LPCS, NCC is a North Carolina Licensed Professional Counselor. For the past 20 years her primary focus has been working with adolescents and families to address a myriad of problems typical of this season in development. Jackie is also a frequent speaker and writer who is passionate about using her experience to equip and encourage parents and professionals through her seminars, articles and blogs. You can follow her weekly blog, LifeGiving Streams, check out her next speaking engagement or learn more about her work at www.jackieperry.net. She is married to John and together they are parenting three teens of their own.
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Outgoing Advice for the incoming freshman
By Bailey Leonard May 2016 Graduate
T
he weather is getting hotter and the flowers are starting to bloom— and you know what that means, the end of the school year is approaching. For many that means that it is time to relax and enjoy the pool and hot summer days, but for me, those days are over and I will be entering the real world once I graduate in May from Lenoir-Rhyne University. During my college career, I have learned more about myself and grown as an individual more than I would of ever imagined. Looking back on my freshman year, there are many things I wish I could go back and tell my 18-year-old self. I would tell myself going into college to be comfortable with being different and to never compromise who you are to please others. Going into college, everyone wants to be liked and to make friends, but that doesn’t mean one needs to change who they are to fit in. Don’t be a pushover and allow people to walk all over you—being a freshman can mean people will take advantage of you. Know the difference between being nice and being taken advantage of. I used to always be a people pleaser, and never wanted to tell someone no, but over my college career I have learned that it is okay to not constantly be at someone’s beckoning call, and to stand up for your values and beliefs. And the last bit of advice I would tell my 18-year-old self, or anyone going into college is to care about your academics. I know everyone says that school and grades are important, but they truly are. I didn’t take my grades seriously my freshman year and I would do anything to study 30 minutes longer for a test, or stay after class for 10 minutes to ask the teacher a few questions. Luckily, I realized how important my grades were my sophomore year and I have been successful since then, but for many, passing the class is enough—be willing to not settle for that. I would tell myself to be open to meeting all types of people; they may turn out to be your best friend. College is a place where you can branch out, and doing so can open a variety of doors for you. Lastly, I would tell someone going into college to get involved in as many things as possible. Join a club, run for a leadership role, try a new sport, try out for a play, do it all—this is the time where you can find out what you love, but if you never try, you will never know. Everyone has to write their own story, but I hope these useful tips can help make your college career that much more memorable. As my college career is coming to an end, I would do anything to start it all over again. But I have to close this chapter and can only hope that you make this time of your life a great one.
pg 28 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | April 2016
Here are some other helpful tips from the LR Bears Jordan Hiatt May 2016 Graduate Sports Management
“I wish I would of branched out more my freshman year, I stayed within my comfort zone. I would also tell freshman to care about your grades and take advantage of all that your university has to offer, and learn how to balance all that you having going on and prioritize what is really important.”
Jordan Lawson May 2016 Graduate Political Science
“Never give up, always fight to reach your goals, and get involved in as many leadership roles as possible. Also know that what you do your freshman year will follow you throughout your entire college career.”
Kendall Field December 2016 Public Relations
“What I wish I knew going into college was to take my freshman year classes more seriously, even the courses that do not pertain to your major. Your GPA is really important.”
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Last Call to Take SAT or ACT for College Entrance I
t is college entrance examination season for prospective collegiates. High school students understand the necessity of taking the SAT or ACT as a component of their application profile. However, many do not realize that these very important exams are NOT offered during the summer months. Some students miss the ideal window of opportunity for testing. Do not let this happen to your student! The ACT will be offered April 9 and June 11; the SAT will be offered May 7 and June 4. Neither of these exams will be made available to students again until the fall of 2016, beginning in the month of October. Preregistration for these exams is required approximately 30 days prior to the desired test date so do not miss out.
Spring is the time of year many high school juniors, and some sophomores, take the SAT and the ACT. When is the best time for your student to test? A thorough understanding and working knowledge of geometry and algebra (from Pre-Algebra to Algebra II) is required to excel on the math portion of the SAT, as well as the ACT. A NC public high school student concentrates on these skills while enrolled in Math II. Aligning the test experience with a student’s participation in Math II class is highly advantageous. Many college-bound students will move on to pre-calculus, calculus and other higher level math classes as they progress through high school, concepts which are scarcely evaluated in SAT or ACT math. Skills necessary for the reading and grammar portions of the test are presumably learned early on and continually reinforced throughout a student’s high school career. The ACT also includes a science test, which is not a part of the SAT. Have your student take both the SAT and ACT
to determine which test best highlights his or her strengths. (NC public school students will take the ACT at school in March of their junior year. These scores are admissible to colleges, if desired). How to register for the SAT? The College Board’s website, www.collegeboard.com is the place to start. Students will create a profile on the College Board site. Have your student do this, it is not mom or dad’s responsibility. Students will utilize this site to register for SAT exam dates, check personal exam scores, submit requests for delivery of exam scores to desired colleges and discover helpful tips for studying and preparing for the SAT experience. Visit the College Board site frequently to benefit from a great deal of free and useful information. Strategic planning is critical, so map out a personal plan for optimal test taking dates. The fee to take the full SAT test with the optional essay included is $54.50, and without the essay it costs $43. Fee waivers are available with proof of financial need. Accommodations such as extended time and separate setting are available upon request. Be advised that these requests require supporting medical documentation, therefore securing these accommodations can take time. Registration for the ACT is quite similar; visit www.act.org to create the necessary student profile and enroll. Most students will take the SAT at least twice; many will take it multiple times. The ACT is generally taken when the school administers the test and again if a student feels it suits his or her testing style. Most students will first take the SAT in the spring of their junior year and into the fall of their senior year. While this schedule works well for some, beware of its potential hazards. Students who find themselves still
pg 30 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | April 2016
chasing that desired score into the fall of their senior year may experience significant stress as college application deadlines loom. Some will determine that outside support to raise SAT scores --whether it be through classes online, via a tutor, or through enrollment in local SAT prep courses—is necessary. Regrettably, the components of time and opportunity to secure test support can be colliding factors. Those participating in fall extracurricular actives or holding jobs often feel tremendous pressure to juggle all that is required of them. Additionally, here in western NC, winter snowstorms caused the postponement of February’s scheduled SAT. Though the test was rescheduled for a later date some universities declared these submissions too late for consideration for admittance and/or scholarship deadlines. Set aside some time with your prospective college freshman to determine the optimal approach to testing. Build time into their personal testing calendar for unexpected occurrences like illness or inclement weather. Allow your student the opportunity to seek outside tutorial support if necessary. With careful and thoughtful planning, the college admissions testing journey need not be a stressful event. Cynthia Honeycutt SAT & ACT Prep Coach College Admissions Advisor BrainWorks Learning Center Hickory, NC 828.381.1538 choneycutt@brainworkslearningcenter.com www.brainworkslearningcenter.com
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