BE AMBITIOUS // ISSUE 4

NOV / DEC

2018

BE AMBITIOUS

A HELLO //

College applications are nearing their end and the stress of balancing schoolwork and approaching deadlines are upon us. But I find that there is a strong sense of community that develops among everyone being able to relate to one another in this trying time. There is a sense of excitement and anticipation for what feels like the beginning of the rest of our lives and we are all here together for the journey.

It’s always a scary thing to pursue what you want and what you care about. I feel like that’s where a large part of procrastination comes from. It’s not laziness; it’s the fear of confronting the fact that you want something so bad that you’re willing to put the time and energy into it. To put yourself into it. But I know that this is the beginning of good things and we are all deserving to go after them. This is Be. With love, Jennifer Xia -founder & editor-in-chief

CONTENTS // Tunes // 1 Your Body is a Temple // 2 Self // 3 “Ana” Poem // 4 – 5 Rainy Day // 6 HerStory: Kershin Zhuang 7 – 9 College Interview Advice // 10 Be Ambitious Lettering // 11 Father 12 – 13 It’s Okay to Say No // 14 Chicago 2018: Midwest Clinic // 15 – 16 J + J // 17 City Girl // 18 – 19 “Mirror” and “A Great One” Poem // 20 Midnight Café // 21 The Holidays // 22 Feeling Inadequate // 23 “Something About Love” Poem // 24 Rooftop // 25 Family // 26 Asian Marketplace // 27 – 28 18 Things I Learned in 2018 // 29 2019: Here’s to You // 30

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TUNES Angel By The Wings // Sia All This Love ft. Mali-Koa // JP Cooper Alone // Jessie Ware Bird Set Free // Sia Blessed // Daniel Caesar broken // lovelytheband Celeso // Lele Pons Chilly // NIKI comethru // Jeremy Zucker Don’t Tell Me // Ruel Feels Like A Sunday Morning // Elderbrook Formidable // Stromae Have I Told You // Matthew Mole Lost On You // Lewis Capaldi Luv Note // Chloe Moriondo Melt (Acoustic Version) // JONES Missin You Crazy // Russ Older // Sasha Sloan Passenger // Noah Kahan Places We Won’t Walk // Bruno Major Saturday Nights // Khalid Shotgun // George Ezra Sleep On The Floor // The Lumineers Where’s My Love // SYML

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your body is a temple Trigger warning: body image, eating habits It was fifth grade, that awkward period of puberty and the upcoming stress of leaving the playground of elementary school for middle school.

During my summer going into fifth grade, I had become obsessed with working out and eating healthy. At the time, I didn’t pay much attention to whether my mentality approaching my choices were healthy. I simply had a goal and I was determined to work hard at it.

For guys and girls alike, the media surrounding us is always perpetuating an accepted standard of beauty. With the onset of growing use of social media, it was easier than ever to be fed images of unattainable and unrealistic standards. What began as an innocent goal to be more fit became an obsession of calories and exercise. My sister even voiced concerns when she saw me taking pictures to see what my stomach looked like and to make sure my thighs never touched. I assured her that I just wanted to see my progress but I knew deep down that my goals were rooted in the wrong intentions. I used to scroll through old pictures of myself with longing for the size I used to be when growing was just a part of healthy development.

I personally struggled with restriction and binging, going the day without breakfast and lunch and coming home starving. I told myself that feeling hungry made me strong and I was testing my self control. Looking back, I realized so many unhealthy habits. My friends and I would put our hands to our stomach to see how far it protruded. How much I wish I could hug our younger selves and tell them not to worry, that even during the course of one day, our bodies changed so much. That food should never feel like a thing that had to be earned. That our bodies were not up to anyone else’s approval.

Not your parents. Not your dance teacher. Not your friends. Not the media.

Seeing my friends deal with similar insecurities, I wanted to encourage healthy habits.

Food and exercise became lifestyles, not temporary periods of restriction and overexertion. I decided to view exercise as a means of empowerment and strength, rather than to attain a certain image. I love feeling strong. And strength comes in all body types.

So if you are currently struggling with feeling as if

you don’t fit into a certain beauty standard, you were never meant to fit only one.

I embrace the food baby I get after eating.

Heck yeah, I grew that thing! I deserve to enjoy food, as long as I am making healthy choices. When I bend over, yes I make rolls. My arms and legs jiggle. Jiggle in fact is one of my favorite words. But when I’m dancing in my kitchen, my arms and legs are simply dancing with me. Stretch marks. My proof of how my body is changing and growing.

How cool is that? Don’t even get me started on how many chins I can make. On good days, I can make seven.

Learning how to appreciate your body is very hard to do but you are deserving of getting to a place of acceptance and appreciation for the body you were given. If you find yourself getting caught up in how other people look or how you’ve changed, give yourself gentle reminders that like everything in life, things are always in flux. But what stays constant is the love you feed yourself.

Loving yourself is the greatest revolution.

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“A n a” a poem by jennifer xia leftover |ˈleftˌōvər| noun (usu. leftovers) something, esp. food, remaining after the rest has been used or consumed.

I pick apart my body like i am leftovers, the marred carcass lying on the red checkerboard tablecloth at thanksgiving.

Miles and miles of bone beneath crackled skin and indigo veins, begging the doctor to cure my funhouse mirror eyes, distortions of curves, sweat, and body, a deep growl festers in my stomach that the light bounces in all the wrong ways. glaucoma |glôˈkōmə| noun Medicine a condition of increased pressure within the eyeball, causing gradual loss of sight.

A visit to the doctor tells me that my eyes are made of disease, a buildup of fluid applying pressure to the optic nerve.

But opticians cannot see everything, can’t identify that I see the face of my abuser every morning, find her in shiny faucets, silverware, and the backs of eyelids.

I call her Ana and she tells me I am in control.

She stays for birthdays and holidays, is there to celebrate the empty calorie victories.

I am strong I find myself laughing when the periphery of my vision blurs.

Maybe I will not see the distinction between Ana and I with such a visual acuity.

We almost look the same, but she is perfect.

I have always been too much and not enough.

Miles and miles of bone. midnight zone |ˈmidˌnīt zōn| noun the part of the pelagic zone that extends from a depth of 1,000 to 4,000 m (3,300 to 13,100 ft) below the ocean surface.

A fumbling down the stairs has me back at the doctor.

I tell them it’s nothing, blame it on vision loss and confused limbs.

The dizzy spells will not make me weak.

I am in control.

My doctor says my eyes look flat, like peering through the lens of a submarine window 5,000 feet under, blank and washed out.

But there is no daytime in the midnight zone.

5 Organisms here feed on the dead that fall from above, catching them before their prey sinks into the sea bed.

Here, I eat myself hollow, swallowing spoonfuls of pitch black until I am the bottle half empty.

In the midnight zone, only the gruesome survive the night.

And in the darkness, I look like death.

But here I am the captain, the bearer of what passes through me.

Miles and miles of bone.

I am in control. recovery |riˈkəvərē| noun ( pl. -eries) the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost I had forgotten that the sea was blue for so long, so afraid to swallow that I was not in control.

That maybe I could be so in control that I wasn’t at all.

And it was so cold down here, feeble bones shaking with truth made of calories I could not afford.

But the moon hung beneath my eyes, begged for me to stay when she couldn’t herself as she told the sad story of her waning.

And I knew this was a cycle I did not want to be a part of.

I remembered that the sea is blue, that my eyes were wide open, even when the black lips of night kissed the light goodnight.

I held on to every part of myself I could find, feeling with the hands of a mother who would not let go, and the feet of a father who walked beside me.

I remembered that a submarine always resurfaces, passing through the chest-heavy pressure to breach dark waters.

One bite, two bites, swallow.

I am going through an archaeological expedition to find myself again, miles and miles of bone, uncovering baggy clothing and hiding, back bruising and spinal uprootings.

Three bites, four bites, swallow.

Ana is still here, still whispers that she is in control, coats my tongue with acid, the tastebud of guilt.

But here I am trying, finding myself in what is no longer hers. euphotic zone |ˌyoōˈfōtik zōn| noun the layer closer to the surface that receives enough light for photosynthesis to occur There is both day and night here, healing and short of breath sinking.

But I steep in sun and know it comes, lips pursed with the first kiss of beginnings as the water spins golden.

I am in control.

And it’s okay when I am not.

Five bites, six bites, swallow.

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7 sharing her insight with others and empowering others through what she has learned. “I want to share my story in hopes that it can reassure someone else who might be nervous or attached like me,” Kershin says.

“Why can’t you have anything as good, when you deserve something as good or even better? You deserve the best.”

Meet Kershin Zhuang, an 18-year-old

college student studying Biomedical Engineering at the University of Texas at Austin. I personally know her as someone that embodies human sunshine. She exudes a vibrancy and love for life in all its highs and lows. As she embarked on her first year of college, she has learned more about herself with each goodbye and new experience. This is HerStory.

Kershin’s biggest fear before leaving for college was being unable to find the same close friend group that she had formed in high school. “I get attached to people and places super easily, so it was especially hard for me to think that this was the last time I was going to see them,” Kershin says. What added to the difficulty of having to confront the realization that she would have to say goodbye to people she had grown so close to was how everyone seemed to only be excited, and not sad to leave behind their friends. However, Kershin’s fear quickly dissipated on her first day of school. “I was making so many friends so quickly and I couldn’t be happier with the squad I have at UT. I think one of the biggest tricks our minds play on us is the idea that we can never have something as good as this, but I challenge people to ask themselves: Why can’t you have anything as good, when you deserve something as good or even better? You deserve the best,” Kershin shares. Kershin has never shied away from

For Kershin, her first day of college passed by like a blur, full of positive and nervous energy as she realized that she was on her own for the first time ever. “It’s a heavy realization that no one’s here to watch you, but I was definitely super excited about taking charge of my own life. It’s scary, but in an exciting way, because your actions and decisions have consequences. You will be the one dealing with the brunt of those consequences, whether they are positive or negative without your parents there to shield you,” Kershin says. However, Kershin has always taken her mistakes and obstacles into her stride as opportunities to grow and learn. “The biggest lesson that I’ve learned here is that it is totally okay to fail. You will fail a lot in college, in ways that you probably could not have foreseen. But it is not about the fall; it is about how quickly you can get up and try again,” Kershin shares. She confides in struggling with both classes and balancing sleep, but Kershin has always taken the time to evaluate how she can overcome adversity from a place of kindness towards herself. “I try not to shame myself whenever I perform lower than what my expectations are. I cannot change this disappointing thing that has just happened, but what will I do next time? Growth happens when you are challenging yourself. Focus on the recovery, not the failure. If I’m still upset, I reach out to a friend for that extra supportive boost,” Kershin says. Her determined and introspective nature is something I have always admired about Kershin and she continues to strive for growth, not perfection.

“Focus on the recovery, not the failure.”

8 Community is an important part of Kershin’s life. She became especially close with people in her engineering first-year group because of the family they provided one another. Having support from people who are able to understand each other’s college experience is something Kershin finds great value in. “It’s a kind of support group and we meet weekly to discuss highs and lows of our week. We have so many inside jokes and every time I hang out with them, I always leave with a serious smile,” Kershin says. However, Kershin has learned that not everyone you meet will become your friend and she has come to terms with having that be okay. “It is not wrong to move on and try to find other people who you click better with. And you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but that’s how life works,” says Kershin. A huge piece of advice that Kershin wants people to remember is that finding a group of people that accept you entirely is more important than conforming to what other people want you to be.

Balancing social life with academics is something Kershin had to figure out through trial and error, something especially difficult to balance for an Engineering major. Kershin prioritizes a healthy sleep schedule to avoid getting trapped in a vicious cycle of naps and sleeping late. “I love going out at night, so I personally try to finish all my work during the day when I can concentrate and be fully productive. Then I get to treat myself by hanging out with friends, going to a party, or staying in and watching Netflix at night! Find what helps you concentrate, be fully productive and stick with it,” Kershin says.

Kershin has one favorite memory at college in particular. Night life has always been her favorite.

Suddenly, places that seemed so ordinary during the day come to life: the clinking of drinks, the chatter of people, and the twinkling glow of lights. ‘“It was Halloweekend, which meant that a lot of people were all dressed up. Two of my close friends I had met at orientation and I had walked into downtown Austin. We got dinner at Gloria’s Steakhouse and had a table outside right next to the street. Once of my friends pulled up something on her phone called “36 Questions to Make You Fall in Love.” We only made it to question ten and had spent two hours just talking. Then we walked back to my friend’s dorm and ended up having a super deep talk about our aspirations and anxieties. I slept at 4 a.m. that morning and had to wake up at 7 a.m. for church.

I was so tired but I will never forget that night. I had agreed to go to a Halloween party that night and had changed my mind last minute. I am so glad I did,” Kershin shares. The best of memories are often made in the most unlikely of places, so don’t be afraid to try new things and give them a chance.

Kershin has always had a compassionate nature and carries this over to her advocacy for the issue of mental health. Even across social media, she puts out the message that it is okay to struggle and that what you feel and experience has validity.

“There is nothing that makes you unworthy of having and expressing feelings or asking for help.

Avoidance of hurt leads directly to more hurt. A friend of mine has a picture-perfect Instagram and it took a year before she revealed to me that she had an eating disorder and dealt with suicidal thoughts and depression. I hate that. It’s an unfortunate reality that we live in a culture where we compete for perfection. I want people to know that emoting is one of the bravest things you can do. It means you are confident enough of yourself that you are willing to let others know how they can help you.

While it is true that some people may look down on you or even reject you when you explain your struggle, your real friends care about you and want to know how they can help you in your time of need. Personally, the friends that I have the most respect and admiration for are those who trust me enough to confide in me about personal issues.

There is no glory or anything to admire in putting a brave face on. Sit with me until we can both stand together. We are at our best when we are real with each other, lifting each other up in love and light,” says Kershin. Writing is a passion of Kershin’s that she uses to channel negative energy into something meaningful. “Some of my favorite pieces come from moments when I was really upset,” Kershin says.

But it is her commitment to acting by what she preaches that is so admirable. Kershin genuinely seeks to extend what she has learned to others.

“We are at our best when we are real with each other, lifting each other up in love and light.”

9 Kershin breaks down her continuous journey to self-love with a train metaphor. “We are all trains.

In this life, you will stop at many stations and people will come on and off. Sometimes, people will get off when they naturally move on to another place.

Other times, people will get off when the ride gets rough, or if they not happy with your journey. And worse, people will stay even when they don’t like your journey. They stay and cause commotion,” says Kershin. She shares how self-love can be difficult when there are people who put you down and create obstacles for you. But Kershin is adamant on reminding people that you should never have to settle for less than what you deserve. “Find those people who will ride the train with you the entire way. It is okay to get up from the table if love and respect are no longer being served. Unfollow that over filtered social media account that you find yourself always comparing yourself negatively to.

Distance yourself from that person who thinks it’s okay to body shame others. Avoid talking to that friend who makes you feel like you are too much.

Know your worth and what you deserve. You deserve nothing less than the best,” Kershin says.

Kershin has always been insightful. On an orchestra trip, she was always vocalizing how she was feeling, taking notice of the pretty lights outside the bus, and voicing her appreciation for the moments she was experiencing. I know that she will continue to grow into a wonderful human and I can’t wait to see where she goes. This is just the beginning of HerStory.

“It is okay to get up from the table if love and respect are no longer being served. Know your worth and what you deserve.”

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College Interview Advice My stomach was in knots, convinced I was about to ride a rollercoaster with the biggest drop. I had prepared a Word document of things I wanted to say and kept reading the words over and over until they started to blur together. Upon arriving at the Starbucks twenty minutes early, I sat there fidgeting with my drink as I anticipated every opening of the door. I heard my name from behind and my interviewer sat down. The interview started.

I think the biggest thing to remember is that your interviewer is a regular person just like you, with their own family, fears, aspirations, and story. All you are having is a conversation with them to show a face to the person you are, more than just what you appear to be on paper. This is your opportunity to learn more about the university from someone who has been through the entire college experience his/herself. The initial conversation always tends to take time to ease into as your nerves calm but soon, you realize how you just need to focus on the direction of the conversation instead of trying to recite a memorized response.

Most interviews start out with “Tell me about yourself.” This is your chance to show who you are and vocalize your passions. Most interviewers have not received any information besides your name and contact information, so show your personality and honest self. It’s a good idea to start off with what school you go to and what your passions are, which leads into what activities you have done to develop those interests.

Although you shouldn’t have your entire interview memorized, have things in mind that you want to cover. You want to go along with the flow of the interview while still making sure you share the things that make you stand out amongst the other applicants. What leadership do you have, inside and outside of school? What projects have you initiated?

Volunteering? A job? Find things to share about yourself that display attributes that you want to bring across to your interviewer. Often, they will interject with questions so don’t feel thrown off.

This is a conversation after all and they want to get to know you more personally.

Interviews take different directions based off who is interviewing and the different processes that different colleges ask for. Some interviewers will bring a notepad to write down notes. Some will not have

anything at all. Some will have a clipboard with things to check off. Do not let this make you more nervous.

Interviewers will at some point in the interview tell you about themselves, focusing on their experience at the college and where they are now. Then they’ll open up the interview to questions you have about the university. It’s a good idea to prepare thoughtful questions beforehand that can’t be easily looked up online, something that only someone who experienced the college will be able to bring insight on. This might be about the student atmosphere, favorite activities on campus, how the college stands out amongst others. This also lets the interviewer share their own story. I love seeing interviewers talk about their experience because the passion they have for their school truly shines through.

One of my interviewers and I had ended the interview and we just began talking about family and life. I can’t stress this enough to remember that although you are being evaluated, they are people just like you.

With time and more practice, interviews will become less intimidating. My dad always reminds me that this will be one of the only times that I will be able to experience being interviewed like this and that I should enjoy the process. If you are heading into interviews, just stay calm, be true to yourself, and that will shine through.

Small tips: 1. Don’t be late! If anything, arrive a little early to pick a good spot that’s quiet where you can sit directly across from each other. It’s a good idea to make sure you know how to get there and long it will take, factoring traffic.

2. Wear something nice but not too formal.

3. Keep good eye contact. You want to show that you care and are listening.

4. If you get nervous, ask them questions until you feel more comfortable!

5. Send them a thank you email once it is over.

They took the time to come out and that is definitely something worth appreciating.

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Artwork by Charukesi Sivakumar

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It’s okay to say No Feeling burnt out seems to be a common thread amongst all age groups, whether it’s in your schoolwork, job, or social life. I recently watched a video by Anna Akana, a YouTuber who uses her platform to advocate for mental health and healthy habits in general, where she stressed the importance of setting boundaries. When we extend past our boundaries, saying “yes” to things we don’t feel comfortable doing or don’t have time for, it can often lend to developing feelings of resentment and stress towards ourselves and other people. I find that when I have a lot to juggle myself but I want to help others, I deal with conflicting emotions of stress and guilt. If I take care of my own things, I feel selfish for putting myself first. But if I continually put others first, I pile on more stress that ultimately hurts both people more.

It’s a hard balance to find but the truth is, you cannot help others without first providing what you need yourself. Don’t see it as a selfish thing. When you have all your needs met, you are better able to help others without feeling burnt out or resentful.

I think a really important thing to realize as well is that you are never responsible for taking care of other people and should never expect others to do the same for you. This can be a really toxic dynamic that can appear in both romantic and platonic relationships.

Although you should support people and be there for them, you can’t put their wellbeing as your responsibility, as your fault if something goes wrong.

It’s okay to step back and even tell them that you aren’t equipped to be there for them in a certain way if it’s starting to weigh on you. You can still support them in the ways you can but it’s important to evaluate yourself honestly to best help yourself and others. Even in the worst of times, hope is something we can always choose to look forward to.

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Chicago 2018 : Midwest Clinic

I stepped off the bus into the windy city of

Chicago, the wind whipping around my hair like a scarf. My orchestra and I had been invited to perform at Midwest, the world’s largest instrumental music education conference.

On the plane ride here, I had already been greeted with a welcoming hello. The man to the left of me had wished me good luck at our performance and the man to the right of me had noticed me awkwardly filming out the airplane window from the middle seat and told me when we were flying over the Chicago skyline. He had been on this flight too many times to count.

“Sometimes, if you’re lucky, the plane takes a route over the skyline.”

This was one of those lucky times.

For me, being around large groups of people makes me feel more isolated than ever. Overcome by an overwhelming feeling of loneliness, I worried that my head would once again ruin an amazing trip. But after the plane ride, I slowly felt more like myself once again. My old music director from my junior high was on the trip and his youthful mischief never fails to make me smile. When would I ever get an opportunity like this again? This was an adventure with my friends I wanted to cherish.

Upon getting our hotel keys, we discovered that all of us couldn’t get into our rooms. Nothing like a little obstacle to bring people together. One of my favorite things is the first step into a hotel room.

It’s such a small thing but the excitement of exploring the bathroom, collapsing on the bed, and excitedly flinging open the curtains to see the hotel view never fails to disappoint. We had such a beautiful view outside our window and the architecture of Chicago was stunning. Far enough above and from afar, everything looks almost toy like.

That night, my roommates Jess and Katie and I told truths all night. That was honestly my favorite part of the trip. Late nights just staying up, confiding in little joys about life and love and laughing about ridiculous things. It’s always been about people. Not about the places or things. People make all the difference and I am so glad I got to share this adventure with them.

Performance day came around and we had to do well. Months of anticipation and adrenaline coursed through my fingertips as I anxiously drummed the sides of my violin, waiting for the audience of music educators, parents, and high school students to file into the room.

Days before, our orchestra teacher had pointed out our lack of heart in our performance.

“Where is the passion? I want to see you care about doing your best.”

That day, I had laid my heart out openly.

I looked at my friend Samantha, the concertmaster, and with a united breath, the entire orchestra began to play. Each piece felt brand new once again and I beamed at how music and nature often felt the same, too big to understand but worth trying anyway.

At the of the Webern, our director’s face flushed pink as proud tears ran down his cheeks, giving a private bow for us.

My cheeks hurt from smiling after the performance. Later my Principal, Mrs. Williams, pulled me aside and told me how my happiness during the performance had made the atmosphere different. That touched me so much because giving off positive energy is always something I strive to do.

16 We went to a Chicago deep-dish pizza restaurant called Gino’s East Pizzeria. The place was so cool, the walls covered in graffiti of names and drawings. Everyone wants to leave a mark on the world one way or another. My friend Jess had come prepared with sharpies for everyone to sign their names.

Unpopular opinion: I unfortunately did not like the deep-dish pizza. For me, there was too much sauce that made the crust soggy but I think it’s important to always try new foods. Step outside your comfort zone even if you don’t end up liking it.

Now you know. But I loved the neon lights of the restaurant and wished I had more time to look at the walls. But I left my own little legacy and left it at that.

Jenn was here 12 20 18 After eating at Gino’s, we went to the Symphony Center to watch the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. Pizza mixed with very tired brains and beautiful music is a recipe for sleepy kids, but it was a very nice performance.

The next day, we got to go to the Museum of Science and Industry, which I would definitely recommend going to seeing. It’s so interactive and fun. We got to see the exhibit The Science Behind Pixar, and it was amazing seeing the cooperation, science, math, imagination, and art that goes into the movies we know and love.

After, we got to shop and eat at Water Tower Place, where we got some stir fry and rolled ice cream to eat in the 35 degree weather. Then we were off to the airport. On the flight home, Katie and I couldn’t stop laughing as we pretended to be asleep with our eyes open.

Chicago taught me one thing. When you feel the most alone, you aren’t. People make all the difference.

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One of my favorite compliments I’ve ever gotten is from this lovely human Katie.

“Your singing reminds me of a Polaroid. Nostalgic.”

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Mirror You look into a mirror.

A strong and beautiful person Stares back.

Break away from your barriers And let the flames within you rise.

Let it rise above you, above the stars And light the way Through the great unknown.

Poems by Charukesi Sivakumar

A Great One Stars watch over you and The small things you do every day Shining every so brightly.

You believed the great ones were among the stars But the stars wait for you to be a part of them.

A great one.

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The holidays are characterized as a period of joy and celebration.

Families coming together, lights on, laughter and cheer around the dinner table.

But it can also be the loneliest time of year, a time of most conflict and confrontation, when the chill finds the most vulnerable places to settle.

And that’s okay too.

You are never obligated to feel a certain way.

But you are heard and loved.

Reach out to those who aren’t surrounded by the same light.

If you are feeling lonely and down, know that you are not alone And that you have a home always, within yourself and others.

Take care.

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FEELING INADEQUATE Why do we compare our own successes to others? Or even, why do we compare our failures to others’ successes? With college decisions coming out, it can be so easy to fall into the mindset that you are not good enough. Although of course you are happy for others, it can be crushing to your selfesteem to question why you don’t measure up.

I have a lot of friends that have been struggling with this problem as they see everyone’s early college decisions come out. I myself struggled with this as the uncertainty of where I would go heightened the anxiety and feelings of inadequacy.

But at the end of the day, we will make the most out of wherever we go. And you are doing this for no one but yourself. Not your parents. Not your siblings. Not your counselors. You are going to college for yourself. So focus on making yourself proud and let go of people who put you down, who vicariously live through you. Many people have different factors that go into where they decide to go. Money. Family. Location. Don’t look down on people for making these choices and don’t look down on yourself. Celebrate others but look at your own victories as well in their own deserving light.

One of my favorite quotes is, “When nothing is certain, anything is possible.” It brings me clarity and hope, that if I don’t give up on myself, then I am capable of accomplishing what I set my mind to. We are often our own greatest obstacles to achieving what we want. Don’t sell yourself short. You deserve good as anyone else.

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@jenn.xia

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18 Things I learned in 2018 Above all else, people and nature have proven to me that the world can be beautiful.

Give without expectation.

Don’t be afraid to vocalize what you need and want. Listen and do the same for others.

You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone.

Being vulnerable takes courage. It does not make you weak.

Just because you can do things alone, doesn’t mean you have to. Ask for help when you need it.

Compassion makes all the difference.

Scared is what you’re feeling. Brave is what you’re doing.

Talk to more people.

Try new food. Push yourself outside your comfort zone and you’ll surprise yourself.

It’s okay to put yourself first.

It’s okay to be wrong. Set your pride and hurt aside and learn.

Steve Harvey never fails to make you laugh. Also, dogs (but I already knew that).

Take initiative and put yourself out there. Don’t be a coward!

You will learn new meanings of family and how you can have more than one. Tell people how much you love them always, even if it seems too much.

After everything, you still believe in the good of people.

Having ramen at your house is dangerous because you have no self-control.

Be open to the good! There’s still so much to learn and experience. Hope is always a choice.

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