BE YOURSELF // ISSUE 2 by Jennifer Xia

BE YOURSELF

FEATURING

LAUREN OUYANG

JULY 2018

A HELLO //

July is in full bloom!

This month’s edition is to Be Yourself. I think we live in a world that’s constantly convincing us that we are not enough, that we are only considered beautiful or successful if we adhere to set standards. But there is beauty in individuality, in what only you can offer. This month I explored self-love, how my family has shaped the person I am, and how I am my favorite books and movies. I hope if you’ve been neglecting your heart, that you listen to it and find peace that you have been enough all along. This is Be. With love, Jennifer Xia -founder & editor-in-chief

CONTENTS // CONTENTS // June Tunes // 1 Photos – Golden hour // 2-4 Learning Self Love // 5-6 Photos – Where the Grass is Greener // 7-12 Like Mother, Like Daughter – A Photo Series // 13-19 Quotes // 20 Books to Read + Movies to Watch // 21 What I have Learned During the Application Process // 22 Photos – Beauty // 23 Photos – Light // 24-25 HerStory: Lauren Ouyang - Dancer // 26-29 Why You Should Celebrate Yourself // 30 Photos – Milk and Cookies // 31-32 Photos – Boston Houses // 33-35 Photo – What Are You Waiting For? // 36 Be Yourself // 37

--------------------JULY TUNES --------------------All for you // Nick Wilson Banana Bread // Cavetown Be Scared With Me // Canyon City Creep // Radiohead Crush // Tessa Violet Falling For U // Peachy! Hugging you // Tom Rosenthal Hunger // Florence + The Machine I’ll Stand By You // The Pretenders Like To Be You // Shawn Mendes ft. Julia Michaels Loving is Easy // Rex Orange Country Rivers and Roads // The Head and the Heart Saturday Sun // Vance Joy Sober // Demi Lovato Take Me Home, Country Roads // John Denver ’81 // Marika Jackman (Joanna Newsom Cover)

Darling, reach for the light.

The shadows grew long, extending their limbs as growing pains struck shudders through their bodies, adjusting to the way night occupied the air. But as light disappeared, I grew taller and taller, unafraid of the setting sun. We emerge the greatest when faced with darkness.

learning self love Self-love is a topic very important to me and it’s

not something I see enough. I am in a very competitive school district and I have seen a culture develop that puts all-else in front of wellbeing, including academics and social life. This is a culture I am not proud to be a part of but it’s difficult when it’s all you’ve ever known. But what has motivated me to try and practice self-love is my friends and family. Seeing my friends stress ridiculously much over a single grade, pulling all nighters like it’s normal, degrading themselves with selfdeprecating comments, and accepting less than they deserve really hurts to see. I get frustrated when people joke about it and I definitely know humor is a way to cope through difficult times but I just don’t want people to accept this kind of culture, this unhealthy mentality as mental health issues steadily grow. But I also can’t be angry because I understand how easy it is to fall under these mentalities that you can neglect yourself and that it’s okay. How easy it is to let the mean voice in your head take over despite anything your loved ones tell you. So it is important to be patient to yourself and to others in their journey of self-love. What I try my best to do is set a good example even if I don’t feel like practicing it at times because I know embodying what I want others to do for themselves is important and will help me begin to do it for myself too. Here are a few things I’ve learned that have helped me and I hope you can start these things too, even if it’s small steps. Accept compliments. Do not deny yourself good. Be open to it. I have been guilty for years of rejecting compliments, denying them with “No’s” and embarrassed rejections. It took my sister to sit me down and explain to me how damaging that was and I didn’t fully realize it until my friends would do the same. She explained to me how not only are you denying someone of doing something kind which makes them feel good, you are more importantly denying yourself the kindness you deserve. You should celebrate yourself and let others celebrate you. If you’ve ever given someone a compliment and seen them turn it down, you feel sad yourself and don’t know how to respond. You want them to recognize their own beauty and accomplishments. Why are you the exception? I challenge you to just say “thank you” when someone

gives you a compliment. It can be difficult but it takes small steps to work towards enforcing the fact that you deserve to allow yourself to be open to the good. It will make a huge difference in the long journey. And putting in work towards loving yourself is the most important thing. I have been practicing this a lot lately with my friends, in hopes that they will join me too. Put yourself up to the challenge. It’s okay if you struggle but it’s not okay to accept less than the love you deserve. Set aside time for yourself. Create a space just for you. It’s easy to make excuses that there isn’t enough time for self-care or self-love. But there is always time for things you make time for. For me, setting aside time to run or do Pilates makes me feel so much better if I am stressed or feel unmotivated. It puts restlessness and stress into productive energy. Exercise also releases endorphins and who doesn’t love that. It’s a healthy way to cope with stress. Even just taking a light walk outside, separating yourself from thoughts that can be overwhelming, makes a world of a difference. Also, reaching out to people when you need help is so important. Don’t isolate yourself within your struggles. People are there not to solve your problems, but to support you through them. We shouldn’t ever be reliant on others but we are never alone. I have said this many times before, but it is people and nature that are testament to the fact that life can be beautiful. What works best for you might be different though. But take the time to find what works for you when you need that break. Maybe it’s drawing, writing in a journal to do a stream of consciousness, dancing, blaring music through speakers, singing, baking, or meditating. Even taking just 15 minutes a day to just breathe is so important. You have time. Make time. It’s also a great idea to find a place in your home where you can just relax. Have it be separate from the place you work so you can designate a space that your mind knows is for relaxing. That’s why I don’t work on my bed because I would begin to associate a place meant for comfort for a place of stress. Fill it with plants and pillows and anything that would make you feel at ease. You deserve a space for you.

“It is people and nature that are testament to the fact that life can be beautiful.”

6 Do not compare your life to someone’s highlights. I honestly think social media, although it has opened up communication and our capabilities to share and impact, has contributed negatively to the way people view themselves. It is so easy to compare your life, in all of its successes and failures, to the things people share online. People usually selectively share the good things, which isn’t a bad thing. You should be able to celebrate your successes online. But it can perpetuate an ideal of perfection that people begin to feel pressure to live up to. It is important to note as a user of social media that you need to view everything through a lens that what you see online doesn’t define reality. When I find myself having low self-esteem, I stay away from social media until I can build confidence in myself to understand that I should not compare myself to others. I want to see other peoples’ success and celebrate it. Another person’s victory is not your failure. In order to truly feel that, you need to build yourself up first. No body is perfect, even if that’s how they choose to present themselves online. People have stretch marks. People have acne. People have stomach folds. People make mistakes. People have bad days. People aren’t perfect. So don’t expect yourself to be either. Celebrate your own success and don’t compare to bring yourself down.

QUICK SELF–CARE TIPS:

1. Get outside. Sometimes you need to get out of your head. 2. Detoxify from social media. Take a break away from the constant notifications and be present. 3. Exercise. As Elle Woods said, “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t kill their husbands. They just don’t.” 4. Try journaling a stream of consciousness. Dumping every single thought onto paper can relieve the weight off your mind. 5. Talk to someone. Break the silence. Seek out a friend, a family member, a professional. Working through your problems is the only way to overcome them. 6. Get enough sleep. Too often do we sacrifice sleep when being sleep deprived makes us more anxious and irritable. Set yourself up for success. 7. Try waking up early. In the morning, we are motivated to be productive and optimistic. When you start your day feeling in charge, there is great power in that. 8. Reconnect with people. Loneliness can be devastating to mental and physical health. Do not be afraid to put yourself out there. 9. Practice mindfulness. Listen to your thoughts and feelings. You are the only one who can truly understand yourself. 10.Keep up with hygiene. When we feel dirty and lazy, it affects our self-esteem and motivation. Present yourself not for others, but for you to feel good.

“Another person’s victory is not your failure.” Those are only just a few tips on self-love and self-care. I know that by no means does it happen overnight. It may take weeks, months, or years. But it is something worth putting your energy into. Your wellbeing is your greatest investment. You are worthy.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------l i k e m o t h e r , l i k e d a u g h t e r : ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------a photoseries Fashion has always been something my mom has loved. I remember when I was younger, I used to go into my mom’s closet like I was shopping at the mall. She always said that she had better clothes than anything a mall could offer and I couldn’t disagree. I’d try her oversized coats and hats and high heels, wearing my mom on my shoulders as I looked in the mirror. Now, my mom and I are the same size and we share clothes all the time. I wear some of her clothes that are decades old and I feel the strength and youth of my mom in them. Even now, my mom will buy something online and march up the stairs excitedly as she shows off her newest purchase. Recently, her purchases have been cat themed ever since Mimi, my fat cat, joined the family. I wanted to create a photo series of recreating outfits featured in my mom’s old photographs, adding a bit of myself into these encapsulated moments. My mom has always told me the importance of presenting yourself well. I have discovered how much feeling confident about what you wear factors into how you carry yourself because it represents you honestly and boldly. I don’t think clothes should define you but they do represent you. So step out of your comfort zone. Try new styles because you want to. March up those stairs proudly and show the world who you are. I had so much fun taking these pictures but I’ve got to say that mama does it best.

Quotes:

Words for me have always been more that words. They were power, encouragement, hope, and magic. Here are some of my favorite quotes that give voice to things I couldn’t say myself.

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“I see the sun, and if I don’t see the sun, I know it’s there..= And there’s a whole life in that, in knowing that the sun is there.” -Fyodar Dostoyevsky

“The simple fact that you care, that you want to do your best, that you strive to enjoy life and love, this makes you so much more than enough.” -Brendon Burchard

“We do not see things as they are. We see things as we are.” -from the Talmud

“Three simple rules in life: 1. If you do not go after what you want, you’ll never have it. 2. If you do not ask, the answer will always be no. “I think it’s important to realize you can miss something, 3. If you do not step forward, you will always be in but not want it back.” the same place.” -Paula Coelho “Don’t surrender all your joy for an idea you used to “Don’t you think there is always something unspoken have about yourself that isn’t true anymore.” between two people?” -Cheryl Strayed -Tennessee Williams, 27 Wagons Full of Cotton and Other Plays “So much is happening. Be open to the good.” -e.e “Be the reason someone believes in the goodness of people.” “Where you are, be all there!” -Karen Salmansohn -Jim Elliot “But I have infinite tenderness for you. I always will. All “She was unstoppable. Not because she did not have my life long.” failures or doubts, but because she continued on despite -Blue is the Warmest Color them.” -Beau Taplin “I shiver, thinking how easy it is to be totally wrong about people, to see one tiny part of them and confuse it “Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know for the whole.” before you learned it.” -Lauren Oliver -Maya Angelou “How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” -Anne Frank “Don’t dream it, be it.” -Rocky Horror Picture Show

“Scared is what you’re feeling. Brave is what you’re doing.” -Emma Donoghue, Room

BOOKS

TO READ + MOVIES TO WATCH

B O O K S : -----------All the Bright Places // Jennifer Niven Eleanor and Park // Rainbow Rowell The Goose Girl // Shannon Hale Reasons to Stay Alive // Matt Haig Life of Pi // Yann Martel Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close // Jonathan Safran Foer • It’s Kind of a Funny Story // Ned Vizzini • • • • • •

M O V I E S : -------------• • • • • • • • • • • •

Like Crazy Song One Dead Poets Society The Imitation Game 13 Going on 30 A Walk to Remember Perks of Being a Wallflower Definitely Maybe Stuck in Love Juno 500 Days of Summer Whiplash

What I Have Learned During the Application Process The summer going into 11th grade is a stressful time. It’s the last time to build up your resume and show colleges what you can offer as you prepare essays and your application. Don’t forget everyone is going through the exact same thing as you right now so you are not alone. Your family, friends, and teachers are there to support you. I think more than anytime, this is when we must support each other in each other’s successes and celebrate your own too. Here are a few helpful tips that I’ve found in this whole process. Research research research. It’s easy to go into applying to colleges saying you’ll apply to as many as you can. But this isn’t about the best college rank wise or the best college your parents want but what’s going to be the best college for you. What kind of class environment do you like? Is the area around the college important to you? What does this particular college particularly succeed at? What resources are available? Not all the top schools are going to be fit for you for those reasons that you must ask yourself. You will succeed at a college you are happy in so set yourself up for the best future for you, not anyone else. The first sentence and paragraph of your essay is the most important. The admissions people are reading through thousands of essays. You need to stand out by grabbing hold of their attention in your honest voice. Avoid cliché and general statements that they’ve read countless times before. Add in specific details that pertain to you that truly show your personality and strengths. I was at a KD seminar and the speaker Steve Pfeifer told the audience that when the first few sentences don’t pull in the reader, it’s hard for the rest of the content to make up for it. There isn’t an exact formula for a perfect first sentence. Just show yourself through your paper. When you write with the intention of trying to be someone else, often it shows through and isn’t as good. Mr. Pfeifer talked about how a girl wrote an essay about how when she worked at Baskin Robbins, she used to guess what flavor people humorous would order based on how they looked. It was but ultimately it reflected how she learned that you shouldn’t judge people based on their looks. Her essay was

was personal to a specific experience that no one else could share. So find experiences that have shaped you. They don’t have to be monumentally life-changing experiences. Many people I have talked to have said that nothing interesting has happened to them, but we all have captivating stories to tell that demonstrate what we can offer to a university. Colleges document everything. Mr. Pfeifer talked about how if a college sends you an email with a video, to watch the video in full because they note how long you stay on it. Obviously this won’t be a huge factor in whether a college accepts you but the takeaway is that colleges want students that are passionate about their college. They want students that show how invested they are in what their college stands for. So try and visit colleges if you can. Follow them on social media. Contact alumni, students, or faculty for questions. Not only will this help you learn more about the college but also it will show that you are interested in them. Scores aren’t everything. Don’t get it wrong. Scores are definitely important. They are often the first thing that schools look at to weed out the number of applications or they use certain algorithms. But you aren’t a number so don’t base off your application on your testing scores. Colleges don’t want people that are solely intelligent or good test takers. They want people who show dedication to a certain thing, who are involved in their community, leaders in the classroom, and agents of change. So don’t overwhelm yourself with stress over test scores. Work hard. Do well in classes but understand that scores don’t define you. It’s okay not to be certain on a major. Just show the college what you’re interested in. Many students change their minds upon entering college. It’s all a process towards figuring it out. This is going to be stressful. This is going to be hard. But wherever you end up, you’ll make the most out of it and succeed. As much as a lot is changing in ways we can’t prepare for, this is an exciting time in our life as we embark on a journey in exploration of the people we are capable and meant to be. Be kind to yourself in the process.

“Admire someone elseʼs beauty without questioning your own.”

“So much is happening. Be open to the good.” -e.e

MEET LAUREN OUYANG

DANCER

Meet Lauren Ouyang, a seventeen-year-old dancer who fell in love with dance during her junior year in high school. She has more than 4,000 followers and 100 posts on her Instagram account lauranimo_yy, which is dedicated to her own choreography and dance covers. Her friend Jessica describes her as unstoppable. “When she has her mind set on something, you better hope you’re not in her way. She inspires me everyday to work smarter and accomplish bigger,” Jessica said. Lauren is more than just committed but genuinely passionate about what she does. Although dance was something she always enjoyed, it was never something she looked forward to everyday until her junior year. “I started to uncover the hidden gems of dance and how dear it would become to me,” said Lauren. Lauren fell in love with dance because of the freedom it gave her. “I get to be anything I want to be when I dance,” Lauren said. In the midst of the stresses of school and growing up, dance was a way for Lauren to channel it into something positive. “The happiness it brings is something I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. Whenever I’m having a bad day, I just sweat out the negative feelings by practicing!” said Lauren. Lauren posted her first cover online in July 21 of 2016. “I first started it just out of boredom and curiosity to see where it would go, but soon it became my motivation to keep improving, overcome challenges, and try out things I never would have thought to try,” Lauren said. Since then, she has been put in the time and effort in making covers and choreography and receives tens of thousands of

views on her posts. “Truthfully speaking, I never expected to have such a following because I have never thought I was good at dancing. Even now, I still have a lot of doubts about my level of dancing, but having a following that is incredibly positive gives me confidence to keep going and that I can become a dancer that I would be proud of,” Lauren said. To film a cover, it takes Lauren about an hour to an hour and a half to learn and clean the day before she films. Filming takes her about thirty to forty-five minutes. This level of commitment into her passion is representative of how far she has come, not just in numbers, but also in her confidence and as a performer. Her favorite kind of music to dance to have strong beats or hits that still allow for fluidity. Lauren said, ‘“I tend to use a lot of energy in my dances, but I love being able to transfer energy into sweeping moves! A song I’m loving right now is “New Heroes” by Ten.”’ Some of her favorite dancers include Riehata, Yuan Yuan Tan, Koharu Sugawara, Ten, and Taemin. However it’s no surprise that she is an inspiration herself to many others. On top of her personal dance account, she formed DYSKO (a dysfunctional Kpop family) with a group of her friends, a spontaneous decision that has brought her both fun and stressful moments. However despite stressful times, “DYSKO is made up of some amazing people that are willing to put in the work and that makes everything worth it, from leading the team to our endless practices,” Lauren said. DYSKO is vibrant with personality and energy and their effort in creating content is evident in the dedication each member contributes toward the team. Lauren’s favorite part of her dance team is their live performances. “The adrenaline starts pumping and when the first beat hits, I can really feel like we’re a team and a family,” said Lauren. Their dance group has performed at school talent shows, at competitions, and even in public areas such as Disneyworld. Lauren above all wants to thank her DYSKO members for supporting her throughout disorganized (dysfunctional, okay no) times where she wishes she could have been a better leader and she truly appreciates how patient they have been. “I’m thankful that I have such a talented team and also for all the accomplishments we’ve made in just the first six months we’ve been a group!” Lauren said. Advice Lauren would give to those who want to start dancing would be to “Just go for it!” Lauren said. “A lot of people think dancing has to be made up of complicated moves and certain technical elements, but I have always thought that dancing should start by just grooving to one of your favorite songs. Being able to feel the music and transfer that to your body is the most important part of dancing, and the moves and technique can always be built in through time and practice!” Lauren is one to watch, humble and resilient in her passion, she will no doubt go far in what she sets her mind to.

Follow her @lauranimo_yy on Instagram Follow DYSKO @official.dysko

Why you should celebrate yourself

I grew up with the belief that celebrating myself meant that I was self-centered. It was confusing being surrounded by media that told me “How to look skinner” or “How to look younger” as if everything my body was meant to go through and age was not normal or deemed ideal. I had to fight against myself. I grew frustrated as I saw my friends go through these same battles with themselves over feeling guilty for loving themselves. Because when someone begins to display confidence in him or herself, he or she is considered conceited. And sure, there is a line between arrogant and confident but it was confusing being told to have self-confidence but shamed once it was acquired. It’s almost expected that when someone gives you a compliment that you’re supposed to deny it. But let’s throw that out the window. Accept compliments! Don’t deny yourself seeing your own strengths and beauty! I think it’s important that we begin to celebrate ourselves. You’re not dull. You’re not unordinary. You are wonderfully unique in your personality, the way you laugh, how you solve problems, the way you say “I love you”, and the way you overcome challenges. These are unique to you. Acknowledge those as yours. Embrace these qualities. Don’t let society tell you who you’re supposed to be. This message applies to both guys and girls. Girls face criticism over wearing makeup and putting effort into their appearance as being shallow yet we are constantly being advertised to make ourselves look more “presentable.” I think now we are trying to establish that we aren’t just doing it to attract others, but doing it for ourselves. I think people should have their individualized choice whether or not to use makeup, guy or girl, and not be told the reasons they’re doing it for. Guys face needing to attain to masculine standards in the same ways girls are expected to adhere to the current beauty standards. There’s a term called toxic masculinity, which is the restrictions that guys feel to stick to traditional male gender roles that make it harder for them to be vulnerable. This traditional male gender role makes males out to be unemotional and aggressive.

You hear the phrase “Men don’t cry” but this is the root of the reason of where mental health issues arise because they feel as if they can’t reach out for health. But let yourself cry. Crying is the body’s way of balancing the overwhelming chemicals associated with those emotions. Talk to someone. You are no less of a man for doing so. Finally allowing yourself to celebrate your thoughts and emotions by acknowledging makes all the difference. Labels are another thing that you can decide for yourself whether you want to adhere to them. Labels can give you a sense of community and solidarity. Labels can also feel restricting so it’s up to your personally whether you choose to use them. In the end, whether you choose to identify as female, male, non-binary, gay, queer, straight, or whatever, you are human. You deserve to have pride in who you are. You deserve to be treated with kindness and forgiveness from others and especially yourself. Allow yourself to explore the person you are before the world told you to be someone else. Also once you identify with a certain label, don’t feel pressured to abide by it if it changes. People are constantly changing and evolving and that’s just life. I really hope that we can create a society that truly allows people to be shamelessly themselves, not a place where people have to be scared of being who they are. So the summary is to celebrate yourself in all your flaws, strengths, interests, and feelings. Be at home in your body and mind. It’s not an easy process but it takes mindful practice in telling yourself that you have always been enough as you are.

What are you waiting for?

be yourself