Tuesday March 24 2009 | Week 11
studentnewspaper.org
Michael Palin on pythons, leeches and Sheffield F E AT U R E S
S I N C E 1887
The men behind In the Loop discuss the best British comedy of the year
P16
FILM
It's Blitz! The lowdown on the latest release from Yeah Yeah Yeahs
P19
MUSIC
P22
T H E U K ' S O LD E S T S T U D EN T N EW S PA P ER
Edinburgh students safe from under-21s booze ban proposal City council rejects plans to ban under-21s off-license sales Campaigners slam 'daft and discriminatory gimmick' PLANS TO raise the drinking age look set to fail in Edinburgh, the Student understands. Speaking to the Student, a majority of councillors sitting on the city's Licensing Board said they would vote against the proposals, should they come into force – including some SNP members. The Scottish Government recently unveiled plans to allow local councils to raise the drinking age for off-sales to 21, after an earlier attempt to raise the drinking age throughout Scotland fell in Parliament last year amid large studentled protests. Liberal Democrat councillor Joanna Coleman, one of nine councillors from four parties who make up the Licensing Board, said she was 'absolutely opposed' to the 'ridiculous' proposals. “I think it's absurd that at 18 you can die for your country, you can fly a plane, but you won't be able to buy a drink at an off-licence.” Norman Work, one of two SNP councillors on the board, said there was 'no chance of raising the drinking age in areas where a lot of students live,' including the city centre. However, he refused to rule out raising the drinking age on 'problem housing estates'. Work also derided the SNP's proposal to allow local chief constables to request the drinking age be raised. “The police ask us for a lot of things. If we think they're talking rubbish, we tell them so,” he said. Conservative councillor Jeremy Balfour said the Scottish Government plans would 'punish the majority of people who do drink responsibly', and confirmed he would vote against the proposal in its current form. The Student understands that the board has sent a letter of protest to the Scottish Government against plans to outlaw alcohol sales at service stations, part of the same package of measures to
tackle binge drinking, and that it is considering doing the same on the drinking age issue. The Scottish Government's original attempt to raise the drinking age fell in parliament in October 2008, without winning support from any parties other than the SNP administration. The latest raft of measures also includes proposals to impose a minimum price per unit of alcohol and a ban on discount deals. Health Secretary Nicola Sturgeon defended the move, saying: "Plummeting prices and aggressive promotion have led to a surge in consumption, causing and adding to health problems. “We remain determined to press ahead with tough policies to tackle alcohol misuse.” Tom French, a University of Edin-
“
The police ask us for a lot of things. If we think they're talking rubbish, we tell them so.” Norman Work, SNP Councillor
burgh student and co-ordinator of pressure group Coalition Against Raising the Drinking Age in Scotland, told the Student: “We're glad to hear indications that the daft and discriminatory gimmick of raising the alcohol purchase age to 21 is not a move that the Licensing Board in Edinburgh would support. ”Raising the purchase age is a policy that was never called for by health professionals and has consistantly been rejected by the Scottish Parliament and the public alike. ”All the evidence shows that it is a policy that simply does not work, and would punish the responsible majority of young adults for the actions of a few."
BOOZE CRUISE: City authorities have rejected a Scottish Government attempt to restrict off-license sales
LYLE BRENNAN
James Ellingworth
Talk of massive fees hike in English universities Guy Rughani TUITION FEES in England and Wales could rise significantly after the Universities UK body called for students to pay at least £6,500 a year. A separate poll carried out by the BBC found that a majority of UK vice-chancellors wanted students to pay at least £5,000 per year for tuition,
when questioned in anonymous interviews. Responding to the poll, National Union of Students (NUS) president Wes Streeting called the vice-chancellors 'breathtakingly arrogant' for “fantasising about charging students even higher fees and plunging them into over £32,000 of debt.” Tuition fees are back on the agenda at Westminster five years after their
introduction, as parliament meets later this year to discuss the current £3500 cap. In Scotland, tuition fees are determined by the Scottish Government, which has described as 'premature' any suggestion that universities in Scotland could suffer as a result of plans to raise fees in England and Wales. Continued on page 2 »
Tuesday February 3 2009 studentnewspaper.org
news@studentnewspaper.org
2
What’s in this issue NEWS »p1–7
» Storm brews over
academic year extension
£50 VISA BLOW FOR OVERSEAS STUDENTS p4 International students hit by new immigration surcharges
TEACHING AWARDS HIT BY MADOFF SCAM p5 EUSA's latest effort to recognise teaching achievements at the university becomes an unlikely victim of the Santander slump
GALLOWAY BANNED FROM CANADA p7
After dropping out of last month's rectorial election, George Galloway is stopped from entering country over controversial views
COMMENT »p9–11 Maddie Walder on the obstacles faced by same sex couples trying to raise families in the UK.
ARTS & FEATURES »p13– 27 YOU ARE PREJUDICED p13
Susan Robinson finds out that according to new tests, you may not be quite so liberal as you thought.
PADDY ASHDOWN p15 The former leader of Liberal Democrats and political dynamo'talks to Anne Miller about how he made it.
A MOTHER-LOVING TRIBUTE p21 The Film section loves your mum. If you're Norman Bates, that is.
DANANANANAYKROYD p22 Scottish band... stupid name... fantastic debut album.
SPORT »p29–32 LIFE IN THE FAST LANE p29
A forecast of what to expect from the new Formula One season.
The Student Newspaper | 60 Pleasance, Edinburgh EH8 9TJ Email: editors@studentnewspaper.org.
BOOKED UP: The changes would mean students having to plan their years differently Anne Miller PLANS FOR a major restructuring of the academic year have moved closer to reality last week as they were commended to University chiefs, yet the ultimate decision will not be reached until June. The proposals would see an extra week of teaching added on to the academic year in the second semester, yet the Student understands that some University staff feel the changes will be detrimental to academic courses as well as their workload, and plan to oppose them. Students' Association Vice-President of Academic Affairs (VPAA) Guy Bromley has spoken about the benefits of the change, saying that it would refocus Edinburgh University on students’ needs. EUSA has long pushed the University to increase teaching time and to ensure space for revision. The initial set of proposals, which split the semester into two parts, will also address the current post March lull in campus life, ‘ensuring vibrancy throughout the year.’ A paper presented to the University’s Central Management Group noted: “the current structure of the academic year, with the end of teaching in March and exams in May, creates uncertainty about the level of service provision in semester two, as well as leaving students
with the feeling that the semester has come to a premature end.” The proposal would create an additional revision week in semester one and an additional week of teaching in semester two with a shortened Easter break. Bromley argued that “a holiday in the middle of semester with substantial teaching and revision time would reduce the tired faces we now see around the University, and give us all more time
“
I am strongly committed to finding a solution... it is vital that we take the needs of our students into account” April McMahon, HSS College chief
to learn properly.” Accommodation Services are concerned that shortening the spring break would mean they are ‘unable to operate the accommodation commercially’ which will result in higher costs for students living at Pollock Halls. Extending semester time would mean an additional week of rent for those living in University accommoda-
CAT SIDH
PICTURE PERFECT PARENTS p9
tion although the paper acknowledged that many students have leases outside the University. Some academics have also noted that some courses will need to be restructured to fit the new timetable, and have highlighted the effect the changes will have on their working life. There is considerable opposition to the plans within some departments, yet whether this will be enough to defeat the motions in the University’s Senate remains unclear. The proposals seek to strike a conciliatory note, stating that they ‘represent a compromise between students and staff.’ Professor April McMahon, Head of the College of Humanities and Social Science said "I am strongly committed to finding a solution. Above all, this must make sense pedagogically. It is vital that we take the needs of our students into account.” The details of the proposed changes have yet to be confirmed. Bromley told The Student that he “will resist any plans that do not put the student first – academics need time to do research, but we cannot continue with the current situation where many students feel the system is designed more for income generating activity than for serving their needs. “Consensus will have to be reached soon if we are to ensure its introduction by 2011 – we cannot wait any longer.”
Vice-Chancellors urge fee rise From front page... Scottish fees for English and Welsh students, currently standing at £1,700 a year, were last raised in 2006, in an effort to combat the perception of Scotland as 'the cheap option.' Former Education Secretary David Blunkett has said that any rise above the current cap would be 'unacceptable,' challenging access to education, pricing poorer students out of the system. The NUS has suggested using a graduate tax instead of the fees sheme. Thomas Graham, EUSA presidentelect, has pledged his support for the NUS campaign. He said: “On a local level, some of our local MPs have reasonably small majorities, where students could be the difference between being
re-elected or not. I'll fight to ensure that our MPs in Scotland don't sell us out.” Commentators have suggested that raising tuition fees in England and Wales could disadvantage Scottish universities, fearing that increased investment south of the border would leave Scottish institutions lagging behind. A University spokesperson told the Student that they wouldn’t comment on the Scottish 'funding gap' until they knew 'exactly what the situation would be.' Despite this, last year Scottish universities commented that they would need £168 million over three years to remain competitive with universities in England and Wales, who, even today get more income through tuition fees than their Scottish counterparts. Labour's higher education spokes-
woman Claire Baker said: “Any increased investment in universities in England and Wales does beg the question of the SNP as to how Scotland will keep up. So far the SNP have completely failed to answer it.” A Scottish Government spokesperson told the Student: “In relation to the recent BBC survey, the Department for Innovation, Universities and Skills have not made any announcement about increasing tuition fees nor made any statement about scrapping the current cap,” Despite the current hype, it is unlikely that fees will rise in England and Wales before the next general election, and the Scottish Government told the Student that any increases they have set for the next academic year 'will simply be in line with inflation.'
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
news@studentnewspaper.org
News 3
Students hit by Gumtree fraud FRAUDSTERS APPEAR to be rife on classifieds website Gumtree, after two Edinburgh students narrowly escaped suspect transactions indicating moneylaundering, the Student can reveal. The site has defended its security procedures after one student was asked to act as an intermediary to pass on thousands of pounds, while others were told to transfer large sums to view a flat that turned out not to exist. First-year medical student Yasmine Olabi applied in January for a babysitting job advertised on the site. In a swift reply written in broken English, the 'busy architect' said: “I need Baby sitter, someone who could take good care of my Daughter well, a well behaved person and neat, and she will be spending at least 2 hours for shopping in a day.” The e-mail closed urgently requesting her details, allowing the man to forward the agreed payment of £600. A cheque for £3600 then arrived though Olabi's door, followed by three eager messages from the 'architect' enquiring as to whether she had processed the money. When Olabi replied inquiring why he had sent such a large amount, he ignored her, simply stating: “I will give you the details as soon as the Payment clear to your account. “When you have the money in your account you will deduct your money and the remaining money will be forward to my Ex wife.” Feeling highly uncomfortable with the arrangement, Olabi went to the police. “The police said that it may all have been some sort of way to put a deposit down on a property in my name,” she said. “I haven’t heard anything back from him, but I’m sure I’m not the only one to have replied to his ad on Gumtree.” When asked about consumer safety, Gumtree.com told the Student, “Unfortunately fraudulent activity of this nature is an industry wide problem and something we take very seriously. “We are constantly optimising our detection technology, which helps prevent many fraudulent adverts making it onto the site and identifies known fraudsters.” First-year Matthew Field also used Gumtree.com, placing an advert on the site requesting a four-person flat. A man contacted Field’s group claiming that he had just relocated to
LYLE BRENNAN
Guy Rughani
SCAMTREE: Listings website Gumtree can be a prime target for scammers Manchester, and an 'amazing' flat was about to be put on the market. “He painted a lovely picture of the property, and provided photos of the rooms which looked amazing,” said Field. “It was also quite cheap.” However, suspicions were raised when the man refused to show the four around the flat, unless they could prove
that they could pay. To do this the man requested that the group pay each other using a 'money gram' – a legal, but insecure method of transaction which sends a receipt of conformation to the flat owner. Checking the contact, the group found that a pseudonym had been used, and the photos of the property did not
correspond to the flat supposedly available. “Whilst researching, we found a remarkably similar story of a great cheap flat that was on offer from someone who had relocated,” said Field. “On receipt of the receipt, the guy intercepts the funds and never shows up to the viewing.” In response to this, Gumtree.com
told the Student: “Gumtree is a local site, and we encourage all our users to meet in person to see the goods and exchange money face to face. “We strongly advise all our users to never send cash or cheques through the post, or place money directly into a seller's bank account, in advance or expectation of receiving an item.”
Edinburgh could adopt controversial A-star grade Jordan Campbell THE NEW 'A star' A-level grade has been adopted by Cambridge University as part of its minimum entry requirement, making the university the first in the UK to request the controversial mark. The A-star grade could potentially be used by the University of Edinburgh in the future in deciding applications, after a statement from the Russell Group of leading universities refused to rule the move out. Commenting on the Cambridge decision, the Director-General of the
Russell Group Wendy Piatt said, “If the A-star can help in identifying aptitude and potential, we are happy to take this into account when assessing candidates.” She also added, “The majority of departments in Russell Group universities are awaiting more information and data before they reach a final decision on how far the A-star will be used in their admissions process.” The University of Edinburgh’s admissions service was unable to provide the Student with a statement regarding the issue the new grade, or any future plans for A-level entry requirements to the university.
The announcement by Cambridge that candidates must now have a minimum two As and one A-star as opposed to simply three As has caused much outrage over the past week, with critics arguing that the new system will favour pupils at independent and highly selective schools which are likely to achieve the highest percentage of Astar passes. The Sutton Trust, which campaigns for greater social mobility, stated that the move was 'another sign of the ever-growing arms race that defines the issue of social mobility – just as the playing field begins to level out for the less affluent, up pops a new way for the
privileged to assert their advantage.' The head of the Association of School and College Leaders expressed their concern in that the move could ‘devalue A and B grades and increase stress and anxiety.’ Cambridge University justified their decision as an attempt to ‘identify the most able applicants’ and cited the fact that last year they had rejected over 5,400 applicants who had three A grades. Oxford University, however, have stated that they will not introduce the system, planning first to evaluate the effectiveness of alternative plans to identify the most able candidates.
Dundee, Worcester and Sussex Universities along with the University of East Anglia have also ruled out the move, highlighting the importance of considering pupil background when making offers. The A star grade will be available as of 2010 and will be awarded to pupils who score 90 per cent and above in their A2 papers compared to the 80 per cent required for an A. The introduction of the new grade is viewed as way to further differentiate between candidates as the number of As awarded continues to rise, the proportion awarded across all subjects stands at 26 percent.
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
4
news@studentnewspaper.org
News
Brief Credit crunch students in (loan) shark attack LOAN SHARKS are targeting recession-hit students, the National Union of Students (NUS) has warned. Following a slump in the number of part-time jobs on offer to students, many are finding themselves in unforeseen financial difficulty, and turning to illegal, and often violent, money-lenders. Gurjit Singh, President of NUS Scotland, said: “We are very concerned by a number of reports of students turning to unreputable lenders for credit. "It is clear the low level of state support for students, together with the pressure on hardship funds and availability of credit from the banking sector, is having a huge impact on hard-up students.” JE
Equality Commission slams Scottish unis THE HUMAN Rights and Equality Commission (HREC) has criticised Scottish universities for failing to enrol enough black students. According to statistics from the HREC, only two institutions in Scotland, the University of Dundee and Robert Gordon University in Aberdeen, have a proportion of black students above the UK average of two percent. The University of Edinburgh ranks third-highest for representation of black students, with one percent of students defining themselves as such. Earlier in the year, the HREC investigated Edinburgh’s treatment of black students following an investigation in the Student that found the acceptance rate for black applicants was half the average, although no infringements of equality procedures were alleged. JE
Parliamentary support for income guarantee BOTH CANDIDATES in the Edinburgh University Rectorial election promised it, but a £7,000 minimum income guarantee for Scottish students has moved one step closer to reality after MSPs voted to support the scheme in principle, albeit with several caveats attached. A motion passed by the Scottish Parliament said that it 'recognises the calls of the NUS and other student representatives for a £7,000 minimum income guarantee' but believes that it is 'unachievable with the funds allocated for student support by the Scottish Government... and calls on the Scottish Government to come forward with new proposals that focus the available resources at the poorest students to genuinely address student hardship.” Opposition parties accused the SNP of failing to deliver on their promise to scrap student debt during the debate. MG
Overseas students hit by £50 visa surcharge Jordan Campbell STUDENTS FROM outside the EU will have to pay an extra £50 surcharge to obtain a UK visa as part of new government plans. Announcing the decision, Communities Secretary Hazel Blears said that the move was part of a plan to raise £70 million in order to help areas of the country struggling to cope with immigration with plans to use the funds to provide more police support and translators. The move further adds to the cost of studying in the UK for foreign students, who already pay significantly more in tuition fees than their British counterparts. The extra £50 will be added on top of the existing £99 that is required to obtain a UK student visa. The UK has in recent years become increasingly dependent upon foreign students with a 10 percent rise in the number of foreign students studying in the UK in 2008. It is estimated that last year overseas students contributed £2.5 billion in fees alone. The announcement comes after UK local authorities claimed that an extra £250 million is required to help sustain migrant population and develop integration. However critics have warned that the move as a whole could increase anti-immigrant feelings in some parts of the country. The Conservatives dismissed the move as a 'gimmick' that will not resolve the 'real pressures that are faced
PASSPORT CONTROL: Overseas students will feel the pinch when the new visa surcharge comes into force by local services.' Blears defended the proposal, stating, “Where there are impacts as a result of migrants coming in on the local community, we think it's fair that the migrants themselves should be asked to pay a contribution towards those impacts to make sure that local people don't feel that they're really under strain.” She added that the money would
be divided locally, with more going to the areas that were most in need. The rule is expected to become applicable straight away and is planned to last for two years, with the funds raised through the surcharge contributing to the cost of developing schemes to help with migration that will through time become 'self-sustaining.' Recently, lobbying by universities including the University of Edinburgh
forced the government to abandon plans to force some overseas students to reapply for visas during their degrees. The plans, which would have forced overseas students to obtain a new visa every four years, were dropped after universities expressed concern that students would be deterred from coming to study in Britain.
Academics angry at university bosses' soaring pay James Ellingworth THE AVERAGE salary for UK university vice-chancellors has soared by 9 percent in the last year, it was revealed last week. With a £194,000 wage, the average vice-chancellor is paid £10,000 more than the value of a typical semi-detached house. The highest-paid vice-chancellor is Sir Colin Campbell, given a 90 percent by rise by Nottingham University to £585,000. Another three British university bosses earned over £300,000 last year. The University of Edinburgh’s principal, Sir Timothy O’Shea, whose job is equivalent to that of vice-chancellor at most British universities, is paid £228,000, placing him well above average in the pay rankings. O’Shea’s most recent pay increase of 9.6 percent was heavily criticised by academics’ unions, although
representative group Universities Scotland defended the £23,000 raise as ‘very modest’.
“
That vicechancellors were pocketing close to twice the pay rise they begrudged staff at the time is extraordinary" Sally Hunt, General Secretary, University and College Union
Leading figures in the higher education sector have been keen to deny that the lavish pay increases will be repeated in the future. Diane Warwick, chief executive of Universities UK, said: "The average
increase shown here reflects a period in which overall pay rises for higher education staff were broadly similar. “In that period, their remuneration levels were also comparable with chief executives of public sector bodies. However, we're aware we are all now in a different economic climate and universities are facing the same economic uncertainties as everyone else." Sally Hunt, general secretary of the University and College Union, which represents academic staff, said: "That vice-chancellors were pocketing close to twice the pay rise they begrudged staff at the time is extraordinary. “It should not come as a surprise that staff are sometimes sceptical when their leaders ask for belts to be tightened. "Nor should the government or universities be surprised that the public are outraged when university leaders call for increased fees and greater student debt."
£194,000 in figures:
12.9
times the average UK graduate debt
4.5
times the average lecturer's salary
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
news@studentnewspaper.org
News 5
Anna MacSwan
NOMINATIONS FOR the University's first annual Teaching Awards have closed on an enthusiastic note, with student putting forward 2,704 individual nominations. The awards aim to recognise particularly outstanding University members of staff, as well as courses and departments. Over 1,000 students participated in the survey, nominating 621 academic staff, 191 courses and 50 departments, despite original expectations only being in the region of a few hundred. 58 percent of nominations came from the College of Humanities and Social Sciences, 34 per cent from the College of Science and Engineering and 8 per cent from the School of Medicine and Veterinary Medicine. Members of staff were highlighted for delivering informative, engaging, and enthusiastic teaching, as well as for being organised and providing good feedback. The awards were launched following concerns about student satifaction
in a number of recent surveys, including one that rated feedback at the University as being among the worst in the UK. Courses and departments were recognized for efficient organisation, clear communication, good access to resources and helpful advice and administration. Vice President Academic Affairs Guy Bromley told the Student that such high rates of participation “have exceeded all our wildest dreams - this is without a doubt by far the biggest academic campaign EUSA has ever run.” The news comes despite the setback of original plans of sponsorship from Spanish banking group Santander having been made impossible due to the bank having been one of the most exposed investors in the Madoff scandal. Santander suffered exposure of nearly $3 billion, leading the bank to slash its publicity budget. The awards are instead to be funded primarily by the from the Student Representative Council's budget. The resulting blow to EUSA funds
is expected to run into the thousands. Some sponsorship will still be provided by Santander as well as accountancy firm PriceWaterhouseCoopers. The ceremony will to take place in Teviot on April 22, with winners to be decided by a student panel elected from within the SRC. Several staff were delighted to hear of their nominations, though as the Student went to press a list of nominees was not available. EUSA Teaching and Learning convener Robert Jenkin said: "The surprise and delight expressed by nominated staff shows the importance of recognising and rewarding good teaching. "The University should recognise and reward good teaching formally, but we are pleased that EUSA can go some way to recognise those academics who have made a difference to students through their teaching." Vice President Academic Affairs elect Evan Beswick has guaranteed that the awards, which were launched this year, will be continued in the future, saying “I fully intend to build on the great progress made over the past year with the teaching awards.”
ENRAPTURED: Lecturers who can fascinate a class will be rewarded in the Teaching Awards
ANDREW SCOTT
Nominations flood in for teaching awards hit by Madoff setback
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
6
news@studentnewspaper.org
News
Edinburgh researchers team up with China to develop phones of the future
CRAIG WILSON
Alex Taylor
4G: In the future the phones shall sing, dance and cut you up
EXPERTS AT the University of Edinburgh will take part in an international quest to create a new 4th generation of mobile phone technology. The venture will involve six British universities and a consortium of Chinese institutions. They have been awarded close to £1 million of government funding to undertake the research. Peter Grant, Regius Professor of Engineering at Edinburgh University, stated: “We are very pleased to receive this award, the only Government grant for UK universities' work on mobile system design with Chinese academics and industry.” The action comes amidst UK worries of matching the extraordinarily high standard of wireless technology used at the Beijing Olympics last year. At the moment, 3G remains the most powerful technology available in Britain, and there are hopes that the new technology will mean faster connections and a broader array of services. Dr Cheng-Xiang Wang, lecturer at Heriot-Watt's School of Engineering & Physical Sciences has justified the decision to spend vast amounts on ‘evolutionary transition’: “We still face a rural-urban divide in all countries, and wireless technol-
ogy can close this gap. The 2012 Olympic Games in London may also benefit from the UK’s collaboration with China." Wang added that: “People will be offered higher data rates and better service provision.” The researchers are confident that the project will lead to faster production of wireless communication. The grant will support the scheme taking place over the next three years, as “This is the minimum duration needed to make significant contributions”. It will pay for scientists to visit those businesses and universities that are partaking in the project and fund technical workshops to enable researchers and engineers to forge global partnerships. The other British universities involved are Heriot-Watt, Bristol, Southampton Bedfordshire and University College London, while Chinese partners will include China Mobile, Huawei and Tsinghua University. The project is closely linked to the virtual centre of excellence in mobile and personal communications which has been associated with companies such as Vodafone, France Telecom, BT, and Nortel. A £939,623 grant from the Research Councils UK will support the scheme, scheduled to take place over the next three years.
New rape law promises Cash pledged for university building crackdown on 'peeping toms' projects in bid to beat recession POLITICIANS ARE promising tougher action on sexual offenders, including harsh sentencing for ‘peeping Toms.’ Campaigners have long called for the law to be changed in light of Scotland’s shockingly low 2.9 percent rape conviction rate, compared to around 5 percent in England. Labour MSP John Lamont said “there is no doubt that reform of the law on rape is long overdue—indeed, academics and practitioners have criticised the Scots law on rape for many years.” The Sexual Offences (Scotland) Bill, currently going through Parliament, aims to target how police and prosecutors deal with sexual offences, in a move welcomed by campaign group Rape Crisis Scotland. One issue of the current provisions is the definition and age of consent, especially when regarding teenagers. The Bill will aim to provide clearer definitions, especially over the definition of consent and rape, which will now include male rape. As well as drink spiking, voyeurs and flashers are being targeted. Such offences currently carry relatively little punishment, however the new bill would see voyeurs automatically placed on the Sex Offenders' Register, while flashers could face up to a 5-year sentence.
At the moment it is up to the discretion of the Court to decide whether or not an offender will be placed on the register. Currently voyeurism falls under breach of the peace, however the new bill calls upon such acts to be classed a sexual
“
Reform of the Scots law on rape is long overdue - academics and practitioners have criticised it for many years." John Lamont, Labour MSP
offences. The bill will also cover the illicit use of recording equipment and drilling holes in walls. This comes despite the Scottish government looking at swapping sentences of up to six months with lengthier community services. Fergus Ewing, the Community Safety Minister, who for many years has called upon stricter convictions for offenders such as kerb crawlers, welcomes the Scottish Government's proposal. The bill is currently being scrutinised by the Justice Committee and is in its second stage.
Neil Pooran THE SCOTTISH Government is continuing to pump money into university and college construction projects in a bid to ease Scotland’s economic woes. SNP Education Secretary Fiona Hyslop announced a total of £20.5 million of accelerated funding for various construction projects in colleges and universities around the country on Monday. The extra cash comes after an extra £13 million was announced earlier in the year for various projects including the refurbishment of Edinbugh University’s Main Library. Universities Scotland, the umbrella group representing Scotland’s higher education institutions, has previously said that large building programmes are “an excellent way to stimulate the construction industry during the economic downturn”. It is hoped the money will go towards building state-of-the-art facilities that will help keep Scots in the job market throughout the recession. Fiona Hyslop said: "The Scottish Government is undertaking a range of work, through its six point economic recovery programme, to help individuals and organisations during the current downturn. "We recognise the challenges
ARCHITECT OF REFORM?: Education Secretary Fiona Hyslop faced by individuals, institutions and employers during these tough economic times and we are determined to do what we can to ease some of the pressures placed upon them. "Scotland's Universities and Colleges have a key role to play in helping Scotland recover from the current economic downturn. She continued: "As well as helping individuals develop their skills and providing support with re-training, they are also an excellent source of expertise from which our businesses and local and national economies can benefit. "The decision to bring forward
investment, previously earmarked for future years, is a key part of our economic recovery plan and is designed to support the local and national economy in Scotland, while also preserving and creating jobs in key sectors such as construction and engineering. "By accelerating investment in the college and university sector we are also helping to create improved campuses across Scotland where people can gain the skills and qualifications they need to get into work, stay in work and play their part in Scotland's economic future and recovery."
SCOTTISH GOVERNMENT
Victoria Cox
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
news@studentnewspaper.org
News 7
Ex-rector candidate Galloway banned from Canada FORMER UNIVERSITY of Edinburgh Rectorial candidate George Galloway has been banned from Canada. The Canadian government cited reasons of national security for their decision to prevent him entering the country for a lecture tour. The Respect MP has vowed to ap-
“
We will not give special treatment to this infandous streetcorner Cromwell, who actually brags about giving financial support to Hamas." Alykhan Velshi, Canadian immigration department spokesman
peal against the ruling, and is seeking a judicial review. Alykhan Velshi, a spokesman for Canadian immigration minister Jason Kenney, defended the decision, saying: “We're going to uphold the law, [and] not give special treatment to this infandous street-corner Cromwell who actually brags about
giving 'financial support' to Hamas, a terrorist organisation banned in Canada.” Velshi added: “George Galloway is not getting a permit - end of story. He defends the very terrorists trying to kill Canadian forces in Afghanistan.” In a typically stinging retort, Galloway branded the Canadian government ‘rightwing, last-ditch dead-enders of Bushism’. He added that being banned by Kenney, a conservative, was ‘like being told to sit up straight by the hunchback of Notre Dame or being lectured on due diligence by Conrad Black’, in a comment piece in the Guardian. He also vowed to hold his lectures remotely if plans to appeal against the decision fail, commenting: “From coast to coast, minister Kenney notwithstanding, I will be heard - one way or another.” Galloway had been due to address a rally in Toronto organised by the Canadian Stop The War Coalition, as well as other speaking engagements. After his intention to speak in Canada was announced, the Jewish Defence League of Canada, a lobby group, wrote an open letter to the government demanding it 'keep this hater away'. Galloway was a candidate in the University of Edinburgh’s rectorial election last month, but withdrew citing other commitments.
BANADA: George Galloway has been barred for reasons of 'national security' after the Canadian government objected to his views
Climate change protestors detained after airport banner protest Les McNulty POLICE ARRESTED four protestors from environmental pressure group Plane Stupid last week after they displayed a banner at Edinburgh Airport. The campaigners were charged with
“
It feels as if this country is becoming a police state. The police are so nervous about public protest that they will arrest us over anything possible” Johnny Agnew, Plane Stupid spokesperson
PIGS MIGHT FLY: Climate change activists claimed they had been harassed by police following their protest at Edinburgh Airport
committing a breach of the peace, but the case was dropped before they appeared in court. After being questioned by detectives, the activists claimed police harassment. According to a press release by
Plane Stupid, the protestors allege they were 'aggressively interrogated' and that the group's leaders were 'compared to Hitler'. Johnny Agnew, a spokesman for Plane Stupid Scotland, said “It feels as if this country is becoming a police state. "The police are so nervous about public protest that they will arrest and charge us over anything possible. "Every day we are confronted by endless advertising from powerful corporations and yet normal people cannot make their voices heard.” Plane Stupid activists based in Edinburgh have been embroiled in controversy before, most notably when University of Edinburgh student Lily Kember was part of a group that occupied the runway at Stansted Airport for several hours. The student reaction to the group's latest stunt has been mixed. Marika Gorbat, a second-year German and Spanish student, said: "While I think climate change is an issue, this isn't the right way to go about it." Hugh Colchester, a fourth-year History student, scoffed: "They're all a bunch of smelly hippies! Show 'em what for!"
IN
'God Hates Scotland' picket approaches
CALUM TOOGOOD
James Ellingworth
Brief
FARRIGHT FUNDAMEN TALIST religious activists have threatened to picket an Edinburgh play, under the banner ‘God Hates Scotland.’ The controversial Westboro Baptist Church (WBC), from Westboro, Ohio, has become almost universally reviled in America due to its picketing of US soldiers’ funerals and other highprofile campaigns.The group has a virulently homophobic message. A statement from the church released earlier in the month reads: “Good people in Scotland have invited WBC to picket “The Laramie Project” Fictional Account of Fag Murder - Random Act Theatre Company Roxy Art House, Roxburgh Place, Edinburgh, Scotland April 8th to 11th, 2009. GOD HATES SCOTLAND.” The same statement also praised the recent killing of UK security forces personnel in Northern Ireland. The church’s leader, Fred Phelps, has been banned from the UK for inciting hatred. It is currently unclear who, if anyone, will conduct the picket in Edinburgh over the Easter break, but previous demonstrations by the same church have led to counter-protests from student groups. The Laramie Project play depicts the homophobic killing of student Matthew Shepard, which took place in Wyoming in 1998. NP
EUSA Sabbs in hot water over Palestine junket STUDENTS’ ASSOCIATION officers have courted controversy with a recent trip to Palestine. EUSA President Adam Ramsay, Vice-President of Academic Affairs Guy Bromley and VicePresident of Societies and Activities Naomi Hunter recently visited Birzeit University in the West Bank. EUSA is twinned with Birzeit’s student council. Adam Ramsay told the Student: “A week’s holiday from the day to day business of pushing for a better student experience at Edinburgh was fascinating. “We met lots of lovely, intelligent, well read and entertaining students, very much like those here, who happen to live in a land occupied by murdering and torturing foreign soldiers.” The motion to twin the student councils was passed in 2005 with commitment to raising awareness ‘about the issues facing Palestinian education under military occupation.’ Harry Cole, chairman of the Edinburgh University Conservatives, labelled the trip ‘anti-Zionist’ and ‘Trotskyite’, adding, “Hopefully [EUSA presidentelect Thomas Graham] won’t be caught hook line and sinker when it’s his turn to holiday at the reeducation camps.” JE
Feeling opinionated? comment@studentnewspaper.org
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
Comment 9
Comment
Olive Floyer
Picture perfect parents
Maddie Walder asks why the UK remains so stubbornly against same sex couple adoption
I
N JANUARY an Edinburgh based adoption of two children by a gay male couple sparked controversy across the capital. The youngsters were placed in the care of the same-sex partners despite objections raised by their grandparents, who have lodged an inquiry demanding re-assessment. The main protest was due to the lack of a mother figure within the new family. While placing children in care without the consent of their nearest relatives is a questionable decision, this story nevertheless suggests a certain prejudice in our society. Despite the increasingly liberal attitudes towards same sex relationships, a large proportion of Britons are adamantly opposed to both male and female gay parenting. Last year, The Independent published a survey demonstrating that over half of the country objects to gay adoption, while The Guardian made similar findings. What is the issue here? Many who wish to adopt find themselves stigmatised, despite adoption agencies crying out for suitable candidates to provide homes for neglected children. Moreover, banning lesbian and gay adoption would cost the government millions. Yet despite these findings, in 2008 only 90 gay couples succeeded in their pursuit of adoption, less than three percent of the total across Britain. On www.bemyparent.org.uk, Julie Lender-Swain recounts her negative experience as one half of a lesbian couple attempting to adopt: ‘Despite a strong application, we were ruled out many times for lack
of childcare experience, length of our relationship and lack of male role models – all of which were lame excuses if agencies had bothered to read our application form, but were well rehearsed stock answers for dismissing us without appearing biased. Who after all could argue with such subjective reasoning?’ And Julie is not alone in her ordeal. So what's going wrong? Why do so many people wince at the idea of an infant in the arms of a gay couple? Most important is the standard condescension that a child raised by gay parents will not be normal. But what is ‘normal’? A child brought up in a semi detached, middle class household, housewife mother,
“
Banning of lesbian and gay adoption would cost the government millions. Yet, in 2008, only 90 gay couples succeeded in their pursuit of adoption." working father, perhaps a sibling of the opposite sex? The world is a massively diverse entity encompassing varied experiences of childhood across the globe. So to suggest that a youngster must be brought up in a specific manner in order to fit a prescribed slot strikes me as a narrow minded
concept, one which does not fit into our evolving culture. The question of gender roles is likewise poised upon the lips of the concerned. Where will baby Sue learn her role as a woman if she has no mummy? But why is gender assertion so necessary? Surely all the matters about the relationship between parent and child is the unique bond of affection between them? I am aware that I take a slightly stereotypical stance here, but if people insist on the need to distinguish between genders, we can assume that some still entertain a belief in a specific role for woman versus a specific role for man, a concept which I - and I would hope the majority of my readers - find outdated. I do not deny that men and women can play different roles in the upbringing of a child, but simply argue that any distinction is down to the nature of the individual, not to their gender. And even if we accept the questionable assumption that a child needs both a father and mother figure in order to grow up a psychologically sound human being (so what about all the single parents successfully raising competent young people) that doesn't mean that simply because a couple is gay, their child will be unexposed to members of the opposite sex. Options are wide - the brother, the uncle, the family friend, likewise the sister, the grandma, the godmother – today we are no longer seeing a tight knit mother-father-child family unit but rather a more flexible arrangement in which individuals close to the parents
assist with every apsect of raising a child. Others go so far as to argue that the adoption of children by same-sex couples comes hand in hand with a
“
We have successfully placed children with both gay couples and single people. We know it works." Sue Cotton, Section for Children
higher risk of potential depression, suicide, promiscuity and domestic violence; higher, at any rate, than within the more traditional household. Note that the given list is interchangeable with the stigmas usually attached to the gay individual. However, the statistics countering these accusations show that young children of same-sex partners fare as well as any others. In truth, such an assurance should not even be necessary – the fact remains that every potential parent is an individual, who may or may not be suitable to adopt regardless of sexual preference. It would be ludicrous to suggest that homosexuality comes coupled with immorality, just as it would be ludicrous to suggest that all heterosexuals make perfect parents. Susan Cotton, head of adoption at Action for Children, says ‘we
have successfully placed children with both gay couples and single people. We know it works’, while the research of the American Psychological Association concludes that ‘the children of lesbian and gay parents are as likely as those of heterosexual parents to flourish’ Finally: who do you deem a more responsible parent? A teenage girl with a mistaken pregnancy, most likely no father on the scene (girls in this situation numbered approximately 43,000 every year in recent years) or a gay couple who, having attempted for months to get through the stressful adoption process, fighting against not only the nitty gritty legislation but prejudice from many angles, finally welcome a long awaited child into their lives? Adoption is a tumultuous process for everyone; but same sex couples, weighed down by stigma, face more hurdles than the majority. Attitudes are in vital need of change. The next generation must acknowledge that the homosexuality is no more of an ‘other’ than heterosexuality. What better way to progress towards this goal than to raise youngsters under same-sex parents, youngsters who consider gay parenting to be a positive practice, allowing every individual to experience the pleasure of parenthood while improving the lives of deprived children? If we want to nourish freedom of choice, crush prejudice and celebrate individuality, then gay adoption must be supported, rather than swept under the carpet as an unmentionable issue.
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
10
comment@studentnewspaper.org
Comment
Able Cable?
Anne Miller explores the Liberal Dems financial credentials
B
ARELY A day goes by without a new headline about the economic crisis; interest rates falling, businesses in trouble, problems with the banks. Amidst the chaos, Liberal Democrat Shadow Chancellor Vince Cable has emerged as the sound authority on the matter. Last October The Guardian commented that “Vince Cable saw the recession coming long before his political opponents - and it turned out he had the solutions, too. “ Recently he gave a speech to his party at their Scottish Conference in Perth where he competently and concisely outlined his views on what has happened and on what
needs to be done to tackle the recession. The Conservative and the Labour party have not emerged well from the crisis and have spent a lot of time arguing about whose fault it was. Gordon Brown has struggled to avoid being tarred with the brush of his ten years as Chancellor of the Exchequer while Conservative Shadow Chancellor George Osborne has been strangely silent on his plans to turn the situation around. Cable criticised Labour’s attempt to imp r o v e things through the VAT cut to 15%, branding it a “spectacular mistake” as the money generated was almost completely lost in the flurry of price discounting before Christmas. The Conservative’s
plans also came under fire as they recently suggested cutting tax on savings accounts but the plummeting interest rate poses a problem as “20% tax relief on nothing is nothing.” Economic arguments about an Independent Scotland have been bandied about in the past but Cable presented a firing critique of how this would fare in a financial crisis pointing out that the Royal Bank of Scotland has a balance sheet that is fifteen times the size of Scotland’s Gross National Product (GNP) so if Scotland was independent it would be “a very, very large bank with a country attached.” It’s hardly the slogan Alex Salmond was going for. Elaborating on the problems with RBS Cable stressed that it is “not just a big bank, it’s a bad bank, it’s failed” and in any other sector it would have gone bankrupt. However, allowing a bank of this size to collapse would be the equivalent of “letting a hydrogen bomb explode in the middle of the financial system.” Is this something Scotland would be able to handle on its own? It is difficult not to follow Cable’s line of argument, peppered as it is with the witty asides he became known for during his time as Acting Leader of the Liberal Democrats, famously remarking upon Gordon Brown’s transformation from “Stalin to Mr Bean.”
Indeed there is something refreshing about hearing Vince Cable speak, perhaps it is the utter conviction that he knows what he is talking about and
“
Cable believes that come the next election people will be looking for alternatives that whilst the Labour and Conservative parties are arguing over who caused the crisis Cable is coming up with possible solutions. The Liberal Democrat Shadow Chancellor stressed the importance of dealing with the current emergency but added that it is absolutely crucial that we do not erode the savings culture. The effectively nationalised banks need to be run in the public interest and encouraged to lend money to good, sound businesses. When they have been turned around then they can be returned to the private sector. Cable, slightly wistfully, commented he could be Chancellor of the Exchequer in a Nick Clegg government in eight to ten years time presiding over “the biggest sell off in history!”
David Scameron?
Cable blamed the Labour government for making “a pact with the devil” as it embraced the banking community and the City of London in exchange for political donations, a pat on the back and assurances of what a good job they were doing. Cable argued this was a “very cozy relationship until it broke” destroying government competence and integrity as it did so. He said the Labour party had betrayed its values and asked what the movement had left. Cable believes that come the next election people will be looking for alternatives which gives the Liberal Democrats an opportunity to present a set of values aligned to the needs at the time "However, the Liberal Democrats have long struggled to find their niche in the political system and often find themselves overshadowed by the two larger parties. Vince Cable's dignified handling of the economic situation has undoubtedly given the party a boost and has shown that they do have something unique to say. Nick Clegg's leadership has not provided the boost he promised prior to his appointment. Despite deciding not to run for the leadership himself, with his steady knowledge of the financial systema and well-timed oneliners Vince Cable is the one putting the Liberal Democrats back on the map."
Naomi Todd questions the motives behind Tory plans to cut the TV licence
D
avid Cameron had an announcement to make at his press conference this month. A ‘small announcement’ he claimed, in placatory tones which immediately notified the astute that it was anything but. As he went on to wax lyrical about the merits of our ‘fantastic cultural asset’ the BBC, even the least cynical ears must have heard the cocking of a gun behind the excessive exaltations pouring from his lips. And sure enough, the BBC’s budget was in the Tory leader’s sights. The BBC must “tighten its belt”, he claimed, in a time when all must do “more with less”. In short, he wants the BBC licence fee frozen for one year, saving the tax-pay - wait for it - three
“
Freezing the licence fee is a taster of Conservative policy were they to win the election whole pounds. You may chortle, but just think of it – that’s three extra cups of student union priced coffee, almost an essay’s worth! Better than a kick in the teeth, certainly. At least, that’s what it looks like on the face of it. But if you delve a bit deeper, things don’t seem quite so clear. Take Cameron’s central argument that this measure is needed to level the playing field in the face of diminish-
ing advertising revenue for the BBC’s competition. On a practical level, this is deeply flawed. Given the perilous situation many of these channels are in, with Channel 4 for example claiming that it needs subsidisation of up to £150 million a year to preserve programming investment, we would just be throwing the BBC to the sharks. According to the BBC Trust, the £3 per capita loss resulting from the freeze would result in £80 million in unplanned cuts for the corporation. Of course, the Tories were quick to justify this by citing examples of BBC “waste”, perhaps hoping to carry favour with any remnants of the moronic “Sachsgate” mob, who might not realise that the money the Conservatives hope to seize from the licence fee won’t come from exorbitant pay packets. No, it will more likely result in the need for further cutbacks like the alleged plans to reduce staff and outsource editorial content of the BBC's Hindi, Urdu and Nepali services that have already provoked a two day strike. It would also damage programs not seen to be a “safe bet”, be it an experimental new comedy show or an unconventional new drama. Life on Mars already took 8 years to get from script to screen after being turned down by both the BBC and Channel 4. Budget cuts would only make television an even more hostile environment for emerging talent. If the Conservatives were more serious about saving money and maintaining a balanced system, then they’d be
better off with a proposal such as a contested licence fee to be shared between the BBC and commercial broadcasters with a commitment to producing highquality public service programmes. This would be more likely to provide an incentive to shift the flow of cash away
“
David Cameron's "modern compassionate conservatives" are surreptitiously shifting right from funding big-name presenters and towards innovative, quality programming, something which the current proposal won’t do. But that’s the thing: David Cameron doesn’t actually care about that. Not that his proposal is just empty posturing – far from it. It’s the wolf ’s tail poking out from sheep’s clothing, a glimpse of the traditional Tory behind Cameron’s ‘heir to Blair’ disguise. Freezing the BBC licence fee is but a taster of Conservative policy were they to win the election. It’s safe, unlikely to lose the opposition leader any centre-left voters disaffected with the current Government. Yet it's a warning of more controversial slashes to the public sector. In his speech on Thursday, Cameron pulled back the veil yet further, admitting public spending would have to be decreased to pay back government debt. Although
when specifying what would be cut, he wisely stuck to easy targets such as Labours controversial ID-card scheme and masked other areas such as school spending in heavy rhetoric which seemed to guarantee continued levels of government support while effectively doing everything but. Just as Labour are gravitating left under the pressures of recession, David Cameron’s “modern compassionate conservatives” are surreptitiously shifting right. Gone is “hugging hoodies” – replaced with an ‘unashamedly tough’ response to antisocial behaviour. David Cameron is stating the rich will have to pay “a fair
share of the burden” under a Tory tax system, but he is also prioritising taxcuts to millionaire’s estates. A mixedup, muddled-up, shookup world indeed. It’s hard to know just what the Conservative party really stand for. There’s only one fact that’s certain-if the Conser vatives defeat Labour in the next election David Cameron will have to show his true face. Who can tell what that will mean for Britain?
Feeling opinionated? comment@studentnewspaper.org
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
Comment 11
Governess* wanted
Not So Stupid?
*Must be Oxbridge graduate, PhD preferred, fluent in Latin and Arabic, with knowledge of quantum mechanics and 16th century verse
With live-in tutors back in vogue Susan Robinson explores this modern twist on a very old school profession
A
lthough I’ve always admired the work of Mary Poppins ,and truly believe that I could never solve a problem like Maria, (‘what do you mean, nothing to wear? I can kit all seven of you out with one pair of curtains!’) I think it might require more than a spoonful of sugar to stop a new trend getting stuck in my craw. Governesses, or “live-in tutors” as they and the families involved prefer to call them, are undergoing a revival among the affluent. Parents concerned about the academic achievement of their children can go to tutoring agencies such as Bonas MacFarlane (who have 40 such live-in tutors on their books) and hire graduates from top universities to provide one-to-one learning. This intense education will typically be during the school holidays and in a secluded retreat such as the family’s summer house. Company director Charles Bonas claims: “Our tutors go to places in London, Scotland, Wales, Cornwall. A lot of people have holiday homes on the Continent as well, and it’s quite normal for the tutor to fly out along with them. One family took a tutor to the Olympics over the summer.” These tutors are not merely expected to be educators but members of their host families: “As a mentor, you are seen as a sort of sisterly figure to study with them, encourage and advise them.” This sort of education is clearly an advantage when it comes to bagging those A’s for admittance into Cambridge but what happens after the entrance exams? The ability to learn independently is essential to university, as for the workplace…no boss is going to hold your hand, make sure you’re completely comfortable and hope you’re having FUN because your parents won’t be paying their wages. Or maybe they will, if they, like one client on Tutors International’s books can afford to: “employ two tutors and pay them £108,000 a year each, while giving them their own apartment and car and travelling with the family on their private jet”. Company boss Adam Caller adds, “For that post we are putting forward someone who has graduated from Oxford and Harvard and who currently works at Yale.” Just how qualified do you have to be? Just how intelligent are these children? I’m reminded of a documentary I saw a few years ago about a woman who was inseminated with the donated sperm of some genetic miracle - an anonymous astrophysicist-maestro-conductor-Olympic-athlete-Pulitzer-winnner-and-multilinguist, or something. She breastfed the resulting child until the age of five, nurtured his talent and, unsurprisingly, he turned out to be highly gifted. An all-rounder as well - that is, an all round arrogant and ill-adapted individual. My point is, you can take these things too far. Education and intelligence are important but what about being a normal person? Isolation from other children may fast-track the learning process but a child who is used to being the sole focus is going to struggle when it comes to tolerating others. Concerns were raised by Dr Carol Craig (executive of
Scotland’s centre for confidence and well-being) last week that schools are breeding a generation of narcissists by over-praising pupils and developing an “it’s all about me” mentality. If this is a concern in schools, then a child who resists learning in the presence of peers and requires the attentions of a governess to achieve anything will probably develop an ego more inflated than Richard Branson filled with helium. There is also the question of individual merit, such dedicated tuition renders exam results less a confirmation of intellectual ability but more like a statement of the parental bank balance. Last week, newly appointed rector of St Andrews, Louise Richardson, told The Guardian her perspective on admissions: "If someone comes from a background where there are no
books in the house and they achieve a degree of academic excellence comparable to my children, who grew up with professional parents, surrounded by books, then the potential of that person to succeed academically might be even greater. You have to look at the context in which the academic success was achieved." As a former Harvard academic and the first in her family to go to university, Richardson is living proof that you can get into an elite university without a tutor who attended Oxbridge or the Ivy League. Being the sympathetic soul that I am, I also have concerns for the families involved. If parents are able to choose tutors based upon their degrees and are inviting them into their homes, I wonder what other criteria the selection might involve: “Darling I prefer the blonde Swedish tutor, she
looks like she could give Toby a much firmer grasp of A-level biology and she could improve his Swedish oral at the same time.” The Times described the phenomenon as ‘Jane Eyre Joins the Jet Set’ and mentions how in the novel she falls in love her employer, Mr Rochester, without making this apparent link with tutor-parent incest. However, provided that the tutor more resembles Sister Immaculata than Mrs Robinson, this shouldn’t be too much of an issue. Despite reservations, if I was offered a six week paid holiday in Tuscany, the only proviso being that I had to teach young Tobias the finer points of Shakespeare’s history plays (and despite my almost non-existent knowledge of said plays), would I take it? You can bet your chintz-patterned socks I would.
C
inema tickets? Check. Fizzy drink? Check. But hold on – is that popcorn organic? A couple of weeks ago, Prince Charles announced that we have – at most – 100 months to save the world. So that’s 99 and a half months, then. We must, he said, change our behaviour if we are to avert “catastrophic climate change” and its consequences: “vast movements” of environmental refugees, an uncertain food supply, water shortages – and the ensuing social instability and potential conflict. So far, so scary. So why does it all still seem so distant? Climate change, after all, isn’t a problem; it’s the problem. It’s not an issue to be addressed, alongside other fallacious absolutes like “the economy” and “the food supply”. It’s the one, all-pervasive threat to, well, everything. Why then, with the evidence in front of us – the figures, the graphs, the projections – do we still find it impossible to really, truly, grasp the scale of it all? The answer is in the question. Figures and graphs are alienating, not motivating. The underlying science is, of course, the essential starting point. But while we may baulk at poverty statistics, it’s the pictures on TV of people starving which really garner a response. For most, a constant onslaught of numbers serves either as a cue to switch off, or to collapse in despair at the insurmountable vastness of it all. So how can we present climate change as tangible, immediate – and worthy of action? Shortly after Prince Charles made his dark predictions, a new film – The Age of Stupid - premiered in London. And in Edinburgh, and Birmingham - in fact, at 60 locations throughout the UK, making it the largest ever simultaneous premiere. This fact reflects the entire democratic ethos of the film: it was also “crowd-funded”, bypassing traditional routes and asking people to buy into it through “shares”. Its makers’ vision extends well beyond the walls of the cinema, with a concurrent “Not Stupid” campaign to put “serious pressure” on decision-makers at the upcoming UN Climate Change Conference in December. But what about the film itself? Can it really succeed in making personal the abstract spectre of climate change? Optimistically, I’m going to say yes. This is the strength of The Age of Stupid. It’s been hailed as “the first successful dramatisation of climate change to reach the big screen”, but this statement belies the very source of the film’s potency. While its basis may be fictional, the bulk of its material is actually existing documentary footage from 2007 and 2008. From the vantage point of 2055, we look “back” at our present – at the horrifying effects climate change is having now, on the everyday lives of real people. It’s this which achieves what endless facts and figures never will: it gives climate change a human face. Testament to its power is Ken Livingstone’s declaration: “Every single person in the country should be forcibly made to watch this film.” But please don’t let that put you off.
Katie Revell
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
Something to say? editors@studentnewspaper.org
12 Editorial
Join us! Join us! The Student is always looking for The Student always looking for creative andisenthusiastic people creative andreviewers, enthusiastic people - reporters, illustrators, -photographers, reporters, reviewers, illustrators, designers photographers, to join our team.designers to join our team. If you're interested, here's how to track Although us down: The Student does not print during the summer, we will welcome any submissions for online publication » In person: Meetings held infrom the between semesters, or are messages Pentlandwho Room, Pleasance, every anyone has an idea for the paper. Tuesday at1:15pm If you're interested, here's how to » By email: editors@studentnewspaper.org track us down: issue will be our last of »The By next email: editors@studentnewspaper.org 2008/09, so please get in touch if you want to contribute before September. A quick history...
The Student was launched by Scottish novelist and poet Robert Louis Stevenson in 1887, as an independent voice for Edinburgh's literati. It is Britain's oldest university newspaper and is an independent publication, distributing 6,000 copies free to the University of Edinburgh. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Lord Kitchener, David Lloyd George and Winston Churchill are a few of the famous people who have been associated with the paper. In the 1970s, Gordon Brown was the editor in chief, working alongside Robin Cook who at the time was in charge of film and concert reviews.
Disclaimer
The Student welcomes letters for publication. The editors, however, reserve the right to edit or modify letters for clarity. Anonymous letters will not be printed but names will be witheld on request. The letters printed are the opinions of individuals outwith The Student and do not represent the views of the editors or the paper as a whole. Editors Ed Ballard/Lyle Brennan News Neil Pooran/James Ellingworth SeniorNewsWriters Guy Rughani/Anna MacSwan/ Anne Miller Comment Mairi Gordon Features Jonathan Holmes/Rosie Nolan/Lee Bunce/Catherine McGloin Tontine Julia Sanches/Geoff Arner/Hannah Rastall Lifestyle Kimberlee McGlaughlan/Maddie Walder Art&Theatre Emma Murray/Hannah Ramsey/Rachel Williams Music Andrew Chadwick/Jonny Stockford Film Tom MacDonald/Sam Karasik TV Fern Brady/Susan Robinson Tech Alan Williamson/Craig Wilson Sport Martin Domin/Misa Klimes Copy Editing Marika Gorbat/Eleanor McKeegan Design Arvind Thillaisundaram Illustrations Genevieve Ryan/Henry Birkbeck Photography Calum Toogood/Julia Sanches Website Jack Schofield President Liz Rawlings Secretary Rachel Hunt Treasurer Madeleine Rijnja
Advertising Tony Foster 0131 650 9189 Student Newspaper 60 Pleasance Edinburgh EH8 9TJ editors@studentnewspaper.org Student Newspaper, 60 Pleasance, Edinburgh EH8 9TJ. Tel: 0131 650 9189. The Student lists links to third party websites, but does not endorse them or guarantee their authenticity or accuracy. © Student Newspaper Society. All rights reserved. No section in whole or part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmited in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior permission of the publisher. The Student is published by the Student Newspaper Society, 60 Pleasance, Edinburgh EH8 9TJ. Distributed by Lothian Couriers, 3 John Muir Place, Dunbar EH42 1GD. Tel: 01368 860115. Printed by Cumbrian Newsprint (part of the CN Group), Carlisle Print Centre, Newspaper House, Dalston Road, Cumbria CA2 5UA, on Tuesday March 24
Rah Power!
Your Letters
L
CASH GUINEA PIGS
eft-leaning or impoverished students often grumble about the sizeable Barbour-wearing, Monaco-visiting, Daddy’s credit cardexhausting section of Edinburgh University’s student body. “What will these people ever do,” they complain, “aside from marry a viscount, spend altogether too much time on yachts and run the hedge funds which will cause Credit Crunch 2 in twenty years' time?” This is all decidedly unfair. The Edinburgh Charity Fashion Show, which took place this weekend, demonstrates how lavish spending habits, expensive boozing and the desire to look simply fabulous, dahling, can be forces for good. The society (whose motto, we believe, is "by rahs: for rahs") has been phenomenally successful since its inception five years ago, having raised £200,000 for various worthy causes even before this year’s takings have been factored in. So let’s all drink to the rahs: bringing an end to the world's suffering through the medium of dosh.
Dear Student, It's good to finally see an article in The Student addressing the treatment of foreign students. This is defininitely a big problem for me. To such a statement "UK higher education has its cost, if you want to study here, you've got to pay for it." I will be saying: "Fair enough, it has its cost", but uncapped tution fees mean we are charged at a ridiculous rate. For the record, the 'cheapest' fee at the moment is £10,500. Therefore I can only feel that I am being treated as a "cash cow"by the university, as rector Iain Macwhirter has correctly described. Unjustfied increases in tuition fees are not acceptable - the university cannot charge more than £3,000 for local students, so we are being singled out. I accept the high cost of education here because of its reputation (let's not take into account the 'watering down' of degrees yet),
but unlimited increases in tuition fees with no justifcation (while the true reason is government's incapability to support students) do make me very unhappy. For visas, which are important for all international students, increases in visa application cost is, once again, easy money to be extorted from students. Currently the cost is £357 by post or £565 at a public enquiry office (PEO). Higher levels of restriction and the introduction of ID cards into this process are simply outrageous developments. I would like to ask those people who made these decisions, "Where is my privacy? I am not a criminal, why must I be recorded?" I think I can surely argue that this is against human rights. We international students are just guinea pigs in this case or, more specifically, 'cash guinea pigs'. It is not a nice position to be in. Liu Zhang 3ed year Mathematics
studentnewspaper.org Tuesday March 24 2009
FEATURESINTERVIEWSREVIEWS » ARTMUSICFILM » LIFESTYLE » TECHTV
ARTS & FEATURES
IN THE STUDENT THIS WEEK
PADDY ASHDOWN P15
CINEMA'S TOP MUMS FILM P21
LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS P20
You are prejudiced
As Harvard University launches an online test which reveals our subconcious and suppressed prejudices, Susan Robinson breathes deeply and prepares to meet her inner Bernard Manning pparently I’m fattist, ageist and A slightly sexist but (thankfully) not racist or homophobic. Am I
just having a particularly bad day? Or considering a career in stand up comedy? Who told me this? A group of researchers at Harvard actually... Even though we wouldn’t like to admit it, very few people are completely without prejudice. These latent prejudices may not influence our actions or decision-making at all, they are just a gut response which we often suppress in our relations with other people. Recording and analysing these ‘implicit associations’ has been the work of Project Implicit since 1998. They take the commonly held assumption that people don’t always ‘speak their minds’ and claim that people often don’t ‘know their minds’. Dostoevsky explains this phenomenon more articulately in his 1864 novel, Notes from the Underground: "Every man has reminiscences which he would not tell to everyone
but only his friends. He has other matters in his mind which he would not reveal even to his friends, but only to himself, and that in secret. But there are other things which a man is afraid to tell even to himself, and every decent man has a number of such things stored away in his mind." Usually if anyone offered to help me ‘discover my unconscious’ I would think that they had an excess of horse tranquiliser they were desperate shift or that I had mistakenly stumbled into a “Healing Centre” when all I really wanted was a Twix from the newsagents as opposed to Nirvana (perhaps after the ketamine). However, Project Implicit’s website, with data compiled from over 4.5 million visitors who have attempted an IAT (Implicit Association Test), may just have some light to shed on the hidden biases and stereotypes at work in society. These IATs determine if you harbour certain prejudices through
automatic response towards pictures and words. In the test, you are given two sets of images and two lists of words with positive and negative associations (for example, “glorious” and “agony”), plus a word associated with the bias being investigated e.g. “old”. When the images of old, young, fat, thin, black and white people appear on the screen you have to select the correct word used to describe them. Your response times are recorded and used to determine that the longer it takes you to make the association between a picture of an old person with the words “old” and “glorious” next to it, the more likely it is you are working to overcome a preconceived attitude. Although there is reason to question the validity of such tests, as you perform them the psychology involved becomes much clearer. Try as I might, I couldn’t associate the picture of two men holding hands with the word “bad”. But, the almost inescapable mantra “Thin is good”
certainly sharpened my associations. Me, product of a society that is increasingly accepting of homosexuality but warns us on a daily basis that soon we’ll all be so fat that it’ll affect the earth’s gravitational pull? I think so. The gender test challenges your associations between men, women, science and the arts. Although I believe that women have an equal aptitude in science, I responded beautifully to the stereotype that men are more associated with science and women with the arts. Testimony to the fact that for centuries science has been dominated by men with beards and static hair? The researchers involved are keen to express doubt for the accuracy of the tests and console anyone who has just discovered that they have a hidden pathological hatred for the elderly that these attitudes are malleable and can be altered by exposing yourself to different situations and groups of people. Their
advice to me, and the 80% of people who show a preference for youth, is to ‘start smiling at older people’. However, I have a suspicion that the average OAP will just clutch her handbag a little tighter when I grin at her (“Those hoodies!”), so perhaps we should just take comfort in the fact that, when tested, most old people show a preference for a fresh face too. Even the order I took the tests in reveals something about my attitudes. I took the White-Black IAT last purely because I was terrified that, completely against my will and although I know it isn’t the case, the result would be: ‘Susan, you are a massive racist bigot. Even your mother won’t love you now.’ But then you realise someone, somewhere will actually ‘Moderately agree’ that ‘It’s OK if some groups have more of a chance in life than others.’ It’s certainly a worrying eyeopener. And I didn’t even have to try horse valium.
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
14
features@studentnewspaper.org
Features
For the love of literature
As the co-founder of the University's Scottish Literature Department finally folds up his lecture notes, Jen Bowden meets Professor Ian Campbell
rofessor Ian Campbell has P been a member of Edinburgh University’s Literature department
for over forty years. He pioneered the teaching of Scottish Literature in universities along with his colleague R.D.S. Jack. Even though he formally retired in 2007, he has continued to teach for the past two years and will give his last lecture to Scottish Literature 2 students on Thursday. Campbell has been involved with Scottish Literature at Edinburgh University since its inception. His relationship with Scottish texts began when he was a student at Aberdeen University, but he grew up in the village which provided the setting for Lewis Grassic Gibbon’s novel Sunset Song. He describes himself as having "a strong personal interest" in Scottish literature and from his academic beginnings it is easy to see how this interest has led him to Edinburgh. As an academic, much of the early writing on Scottish texts can be attributed both to himself and Jack, the fruits of which paved the way for the next generation of writers- among them the Head of Department, Randall Stevenson- to continue to improve the quality of teaching for Scottish literature. Campbell
aptly points out, "You can’t teach the age of Walter Scott without Walter Scott; teaching allows people to see Scottish Literature take its place in learning." Campbell’s main area of research is quoted on the English Department’s website as Thomas Carlyle [pictured] and he is continuing to collect further volumes of Carlyle’s letters. Although they currently span 36 volumes, Campbell insists there are still two more to be worked upon and published, just one of the projects he aims to achieve during retirement. Having completed his thesis on Carlyle it became clear that very little was known about the author’s early life, and this is what Campbell aims to bring to the fore by publishing his letters. As one of the committee who campaigned for Edinburgh’s UNESCO World City of Literature title, I asked him why he thought Edinburgh deserved the title. He said, "The people for one thing. Scott, Stevenson, Carlyle, MacDiarmid were all imperative to Scottish Literature and made Edinburgh an enlightened city. It’s hard to stop listing them. And of course there’s the literary history, not just a Scottish tradition but an English one, a Gaelic tradition and an old
tradition; all are kept alive by teaching. Edinburgh is the key to all four, and the literature department is key in the preservation of these traditions." Edinburgh deserves its title because of "the concentration of talent and that heritage." Edinburgh is also now a key place to access Scottish Literature. Campbell has himself been involved in bringing back into print texts long forgotten or that have been in "cheap, unreliable editions." Texts by Hogg, Stevenson, Boswell, Carlyle and of course Scott, are to be made available in what Campbell describes as "rescued, reliable texts." He also points out that these editions are now available online, and has become such an highlights the increasing change integral part of the departannually to decide on in reading habits of a modern ment. What was bizarre when I the shortlist. Scotland. first began at Edinburgh is now a Whatever his retirement entails, "Edinburgh University Press has living part of department teaching. it is clear that, for Professor Ian been central in publishing Scottish It’s a satisfying feeling to see that Campbell, the discovery and texts" he comments "but most of Edinburgh has opened its mind to development of Scottish literature the books published can also be Scottish Literature." LIVE IN THE is much more than just a career. UNDERGROUND! bought on the web. People today During retirement Campbell Although this week will see him Edinburgh’s Original SKA Juggernaut present their new hall album have different ways of reading and says that he aims to still remain leave the lecture for the final ‘Atexts Fistful “Edinburgh’s band” – The Scotsman the aim is to make these as of Dynamite’ part of both university life andbest the SKA time, his reputation will stand widely available as possible." literary scene. He to or travel, 10PM in the Underground. Beplans there regret it alongside forever. those of the writers he I ask about how he feels giving complete the Carlyle letters and worked so hard to immortalise: his last lecture on Thursday and he read. As a key figure in the Saltire a man who made an invaluable just smiles: "It will be aeusa.ed.ac.uk strange feelSociety’s Book of the Year Awards he modern contribution to a Scottish University Students’ Association is a read Registered ScottishaCharity (No.SCO15800) ing," he says, "ScottishEdinburgh Literature has to over hundred books literary heritage.
loads o giveaw f ays
St Patricks
Day
tuesday 17th march
BOMBSKARE
omos r p k n i dr , all dayght all ni
Teviot
10am - late
Got a story to tell? features@studentnewspaper.org
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
Features 15
Ashes to Ashdown
Anne Miller talks to ex-Lib Dem leader and 'retired' political dynamo Paddy Ashdown about his accidental success in life
P
addy Ashdown’s story is reassuring for those who know they want to do “something” with their lives, but aren’t quite sure of the next step. He began his career as a Royal Marine and then joined the Foreign Office, before standing as an MP for Yeovil. He later became leader of the newly merged Liberal Democrats, before spending time as the United Nation’s High Representative in Bosnia. In 2000 he was knighted and was made a peer the following year. Despite the breadth of his forays, experience and achievements, Ashdown insists it all just “sort of happened”, adding that his life was not planned “like Michael Heseltine’s on the back of a fag packet at Oxford.” Ashdown is best known as being leader of the Liberal Democrats from 1988 to 1998. His political ascendency began when he put his name forward for the Liberals in Yeovil, his wife’s home constituency. Coming back from
“
Incorporating individuals from other parties into Government, building a sort of Liberal Democrat garden shed in Number 10's garden, doesn't work time abroad with the Foreign Office, it wasn’t until he arrived that he realised he hadn’t chosen the smoothest of routes to Parliament, considering “the Tories had won it [the seat] for eighty years, the party was at five percent in the polls and Liberals were most famous for losing their deposits.” Nevertheless, the Ashdowns threw themselves into working the constituency, gradually building support and largely fuelled by “a second-hand printing press called Clarissa and a supply of potent home-made wine." Their efforts paid off, and on the 9th of June 1983 Paddy Ashdown become a Member of Parliament. Ashdown firmly believes that there is “no greater privilege than representing the area you live in and love in Parliament.” Indeed, despite the eight year battle to win the seat, Ashdown views the long process as an “apprenticeship” for his new role as an MP. One of his criticisms of the current political system is that too many politicians are going straight into politics, and “don’t know anything about the world in which they’re about to take decisions.” In an age when politicians and party politics are viewed with scepticism or blatant distrust, Ashdown’s opinion is somewhat more noble: “I regard politics as something you do for the benefit of your country, and although I would always argue that Liberalism is of most benefit to Britain, that is not to deny the messages that other parties can put forward.” He argues that the ‘first past the post’ voting system encourages a “confrontational attitude”, awarding
disproportionately huge majorities to some groups. However, he believes that overall the aggression is not systemic, but down to attitude, as in times of real danger the parties do work together. Perhaps more telling is the many opinion polls which show that the public like it when their politicians aren’t at each others throats. Still, “working together” should only go so far. A week before he became Prime Minister, Gordon Brown approached Ashdown about the possibility of him joining the Labour Cabinet. Ashdown refused, and reflects that “I don’t think in our system of politics it is possible or wise to get a Lib Dem into the Cabinet, except on the basis that there has been a proper coalition agreement.” He goes on to explain that taking a place on the Cabinet would mean he wouldn’t be able to speak out against crucial Liberal issues, such as the protection of civil liberties. As Ashdown succinctly puts it, “simply incorporating individuals from other parties into Government, as I said to Gordon Brown, is acting a bit like a bungalow outpost in Number Ten’s garden, a sort of Liberal Democrat garden shed; it doesn’t work.” Possibly playing a key role in the formation of government has always been a Liberal Democrat leader’s trump card, although Ashdown stresses that “how you play that is always going to be different on every occasion.” When Paddy Ashdown was leader, there was talk that he may be the one to wield this elusive power, although looking back he believes such an event was incredibly unlikely. However, he posits that at the next election there is the “near statistical possibility that no one will get a majority,” allowing the Lib Dems to finally play a decisive role. Ashdown is not convinced that the Conservative party is as strong as some believe, stating that “although support for Cameron appears very wide, it’s not
“My life wasn't planned out on the back of a fag packet at Oxford, like Michael Hesseltine's very deep.” What’s more, Ashdown believes that “Cameron is far, far short of what Blair was in the year out from the 1997 election. Mr Cameron may know what needs to be done to win, but his party hasn’t changed.” Ashdown views his time in Parliament, both serving his home constituency and his time as leader, as an exceptional honour. However, after stepping down, he was asked to help make peace in war-torn Bosnia, allowing him to aid a country he is “very committed to and loves very much.” From 2002 to 2006 Ashdown was the United Nations High Representative in Bosnia and speaking of the ac-
complishments that are strongest in his mind, he mentions “setting up an entire nationwide VAT system in record time: it’s never been done quicker, let alone in a country which was so fractured,” as well as bringing the two armies and intelligence services under the control of Parliament and the State. Of his time in Bosnia, he adds:
“
If you go to war when there is no possibility of success. You are needlessly wasting lives “If someone said to me 'looking back Paddy, take us to one physical thing' I think it was the long battle we had to persuade the Serbs to acknowledge what had gone on in Srebrenica, and to raise the money for a graveyard at Srebrenica, which is on the place where the Muslims were gathered —8000 men and boys— before they were taken off to be slaughtered. It’s a very, very beautiful memorial graveyard, and you see 8000 headstones in the same place and imagine them killed by hand in two days. I think that will become one of the iconic places in the world, where people will go to remind themselves never ever to lose sight of what’s important and never ever to allow this to happen again...[it acts] as a reminder of what happens when the international community stands aside instead of tackling evil, and I’m proud of that.” He points out that although people often say “this should never happen again”, it often does, for instance in Rwanda and the Congo. Ashdown’s knowledge and understanding of international affairs is impressive, and when asked when one country should intervene in the affairs of another, he immediately reels off six criteria that must be met, including that “consequences are not confined to the country but spread around the region or threaten the peace of
the world” and that “the means you choose to tackle the evil are proportionate.” He also emphasises that it must be possible to succeed in such an operation, attributes this rule to Thomas Aquinas, who “said very clearly that if you intervened, if you go to war when there is no possibility of success, you are needlessly wasting lives.” Ashdown’s work in Bosnia is admired for working to benefit the Bosnian people, rather than specific groups within the country. On the question of how to deal with the situation between the Israelis and the Palestinians, Ashdown points to the role America plays, saying “the Israelis have to be told by the United States that they cannot continue to act in the way that they have, and the United States has to change its policy of backing Israel even when it’s wrong. And the key thing that has to happen is the
Israelis accepting that they share a destiny with their Arab neighbours. They also have to withdraw from the illegal settlements, until that happens you’re not going to get a solution.” Despite claiming to be looking forward to spending time in his garden, it seems unlikely that Lord Ashdown’s wealth of experience will go unused. He says the one thing he really dreads is having nothing to do, although with his autobiography A Fortunate Life releasing at the end of April, another book potentially in the works and the world of politics never far from his door, idleness looks very far off on the horizon. Indeed, he sums up this stage of his life as when “I pretend to be retired, and my wife pretends to believe me.”
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
features@studentnewspaper.org
16 Features
Anthony newton
On the road Hannah Carr talks leeches, pythons and Sheffield with travel treasure Michael Palin
F
riday the 13th is not the best day to do anything of significance, let alone conduct an interview with Michael Palin, but events run surprisingly smoothly. Palin is warm, at ease, and welcoming to the Fresh Air journalist and myself, who eagerly interrogate him. Palin was in Edinburgh to give a public lecture, marking the culmination of Edinburgh University’s Centenary of Geography celebrations, a year which also featured a talk by Nicholas Crane, the presenter of the television series Coast, amongst other events. Prior to his speech “Twenty Years on the Road”, Palin collected an honorary membership in the Royal Scottish Geographical Society that he was awarded some time ago, as well as the society’s Livingstone medal. Both honours were presented to him by the RSGS President, the Earl of Lindsay, who acknowledged Palin’s remarkable contribution to the dissemination of knowledge of the world and its peoples. He described himself as being “overwhelmed” on receipt of the accolade, especially as he holds many of the past recipients of the award – Captain Robert Falcon Scott and Sir Edmund Hilary – in high regard. You’d think that he would no longer be affected by such honours, having already been awarded a BAFTA for his role in A Fish Called Wanda, a CBE, as well as having had two trains and an asteroid named after him. His awards cabinet must be heaving. However, Palin remains remarkably grounded and humble. He even arrives at the venue on foot, risking recognition on the streets of Edinburgh. The situation was different when he arrived in the city as an undergraduate in the early sixties. Then he came to act in
the festival as a member of the Oxford Revue with fellow Python Terry Jones; his first time performing in front of an international audience and something that he has since learnt to do with aplomb. Palin credits this experience with helping him decide to forge a career as a writer and performer. However, he attributes his metamorphosis from Sheffield school boy to comedian, author
“
It's good to inspire people to travel and to travel well. I really think going off to do voluntary work abroad is a good tradition in this country and traveller to “luck”, which is difficult to believe. Certainly, the BBC’s decision to ask him to present Around the World in 80 Days in 1987 was “serendipitous.” Prior to this he had not travelled widely due to other commitments but was eager to explore his love of travel. Nonetheless, his dedication and passion for his varied careers is evident and undoubtedly contributed to his success. When filming Full Circle, which he describes as the most rewarding of all his journeys, he spent ten months travelling around the Pacific Rim. He has poured effort into filming seven travel documentaries, starring in numerous films and writing several books, the latest of which, New Europe, has been described as “the ultimate armchair travel book” by the
Guardian. Indeed, this is the magic of Palin: he transports us to worlds that we never imagined existed, populated by people strangely different yet inherently similar to ourselves, and all from the comfort of our own homes. He has travelled through Ethiopia in the wake of Mariam Mengistu’s deposition, met nomads in Timbuktu, belly dancers in Istanbul and bull fighters in Valencia. Unsurprisingly, Palin has many anecdotes to share and these gave both his lecture and our interview a more personal flavour. He recounted how he once decided to travel on the Nile Valley Express going through north Sudan to Khartoum on the roof of the train as he could do so for free, referring to this method of travel as “roof class.” The hairy exploits continued whilst travelling through Africa: “while white water rafting on the Zambezi River under Victoria Falls we used condoms to prevent the microphone from getting wet,” he chuckles. However, he was chuckling somewhat less when submerged under raging torrents of water. Palin also recalls being subjected to 45 minutes of leech surgery during which he “became rather fond of the leeches. By the end I thought these are my blood relatives.” Another unusual achievement happened when he took part in a cow race in rural Adelaide – “I came second.” So, what has he learnt from his travels? “I think we can learn from developing countries by shedding our feeling of superiority. My parents’ generation believed in it inherently, it was a throwback to Victorian times. I’m impressed by the inventiveness of the way they live, everything is re-worked, recycled and there’s a great deal of community activity.
I get the feeling that people who have less are much more in touch with the real world than people who have more. Most people want to share with you what their priorities are; a house, food, education, a safer world.” In contrast, he believes that those in the west are trapped in a cycle of overproduction and materialism that inhabitants of poorer countries do not suffer from. This is something he re emphasises in his lecture, praising the sense of community and inventiveness in Mali, where he travelled while filming Sahara. Here, houses in some communities are constructed from compacted mud and earth. “Everyone has to join in in the recoating of the cathedral. When the community does something everyone mucks in together. Community really does mean something here.” It’s a far cry from suburban Sheffield and makes one wonder how Palin travelled so far, both literally and figuratively. This is a question which he struggles
“
I get the feeling that people who have less are more in touch with the real world to answer. “I don’t know where the curiosity for foreign travel came from; it must have just been innate.” He recalls exploring the crags and moors around his home town and enjoyed “getting outside of the city limits.” I wonder if the increasing globalisation of the world and Palin’s many travels will leave him in a position where his curiosity is one day satiated? “No,” he replies, “I will continue to be curious until the day I
die.” However, he is ready for a new type of travel. “When you move so quickly you don’t have long enough to get to know or explore places.” Palin is unlikely to embark on another lengthy journey but would instead explore one or two countries, or possibly cities, in depth if he filmed another travel series. At 65 he doesn’t want to devote huge chunks of his life to filming long documentaries. Palin is keen to emphasise the importance of travel, saying that “it’s good to inspire people to travel and to travel well. I really think going off to do voluntary work abroad is a good tradition in this country.” Palin is glad that he has never been pinned down to one speciality and is hesitant to choose a favourite career out of the many he has pursued. However, he talks highly of his travels, saying “I use the same small crew of six others on my travels and we work well together. I love the efficiency of the process. It’s endlessly rewarding.” He also enjoyed his time with the Pythons immensely but believes that it reached certain peaks, with Monty Python’s Flying Circus and Life of Brian and that it would be “hard to repeat the formula.” For one who has achieved so much, it is difficult to imagine what’s next. Palin admits that he is “rapidly shedding ambitions”, although he still wants to learn how to cook and would like to speak a foreign language. He may also revisit the North-West Passage again “just for old time’s sake.” Indeed, his love of travel has allowed him to meet a host of varied people that he wouldn’t have encountered otherwise, an important experience for him. “The more people you can connect with the better. It’s the only hope, really.”
Have a story to tell? lifestyle@studentnewspaper.org
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
Lifestyle 17
Charitable chic
The annual Edinburgh University Charity Fashion Show hit the catwalk last weekend. This year's show showcased designs from top names including Nicole Farhi, Daks, Bora Aksu and Jaeger, and raised money for causes including Neurology Unit at Western General Hospital, Maggie's Cancer Caring Centres and Motor Neurone Disease Scotland.
Addicted to the box? Email: tv@studentnewspaper.org
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
Review 18
TV
Take control during the 'summer of rage'
The Student predicts the scorching summer shows that will ease the unpredictable British weather The Wire
You’ve read about how it’s the greatest television programme ever. Now is your chance to find out what all the fuss is about. If you don’t like the first episode, watch the second one. Honestly, stick with the series and you will either thank us forever for bringing to light the best TV show in recent memory, or begrudge us for damning you with an obsession as addictive as the drugs the main characters peddle. Give it a few tokes, and you’ll be hooked.
The Mentalist
Peep Show
Jesse Armstrong and Sam Bain’s painfully accurate deconstruction of modern life continues for a sixth series. Even though the programme hasn’t really been at its most acerbic since the first two seasons, it’s still miles better than most sitcoms at the moment with David Mitchell and Robert Webb giving pitch-perfect performances as the constantly assayed, perpetually hilarious Mark and Jeremy. Will the fact that the duo now have a baby to look after mean an end to Jez's imminent career as a technomusic god?
The Apprentice
If we can compareThe Apprentice to an annual athletics competition in the business world, then this year’s show will be akin to a 1000-metre swimming match in a giant, leaky, 2-foot-deep paddling pool. Suralan’s high-flying world of corporate finance has been shaken to the core by the credit crunch. To reflect the current economic situation half the contestants should quit for a job in the civil service when they realise careers in the City are tending to come to an abrupt end.
Charlie Brooker's News Wipe
All those who loved the Brookmeister’s (for that is what no one calls him) previous series on the inner workings of the media and his caustic views thereupon will know what to expect. It will probably boil down to snappy, rude, funny clips about just how wrongly the press has interpreted events, with lots of swearing and childish opinions. It will be exactly how school kids wish textbooks were: crude, filled with pictures not words, yet enlightening and knowledgeable.
Enid Blyton
Helena Bonham Carter is set to play Enid Blyton in BBC4 biopic made by the producers of Whitechapel and Hotel Babylon. This leads The Student to consider how different British children might be if they grew up on titles such as ‘Famous Five Discover the Magical Ingredient in Mrs Lovett’s Meat Pies’ and ‘The First Rule About Secret Seven is...Don’t Talk About Secret Seven’.
This American crime thriller is soon to hit Channel Five. Be warned though, this isn’t your run-of-themill whodunnit where crimes are solved using such archaic weapons as LOGIC, EVIDENCE and THE OBVIOUS. British cops have been getting it wrong all this time, all that is required are psychic powers and a title that doesn’t quite translate to British audiences.
Moving Wallpaper
Flight of the Conchords
Zombies invade, symbolically representing the current stagnation of society (starring Kelly Brook). Jonathan and Nancy ease their television-producing tensions by engaging in some hot-shot executive shindigs across the office desk. The climax occurs when STV realise what fools they’ve been for dropping this underrated gem of a show partway through, and - crucially - James Lance’s hair grows into its former sex-god mop.
Whisper it – I’ve seen the first few episodes of the second season of the Kiwi-rock comedy series, and, trust me, it’s a cracker. The underplayed, subtle humour that brought so many fans to the first season is not only kept but added to. If you’re a newcomer, prepare to have your mind gently amused as you witness the genius of the always pedantic, ginger-bearded band manager, Murray Hewitt. He is truly a joy to behold.
Sisters aren't doing it for themselves
Fern Brady finally gives up any pretence of constructive criticism... and writes a script instead
GERMAINE GREER. Mary Wollstonecraft. The Suffragettes. All have proved worthy contributors to the cause of female emancipation in one way or another. Sadly, the likelihood of When Women Rule the World being added to this list is about the same as Andrea Dworkin agreeing to a spitroast with Jim Davidson and the late Bernard Manning. Once again, Channel 4’s commissioning editors have outdone themselves in taking a decent idea – the reversal of the power dynamic between men and women – and then shitting all over it until it no longer bears even a vague resemblance to the initial pitch. In case you haven’t seen this programme, it holds some similarities to Shipwrecked but minus that feeling of watching someone else’s gap year and with some worryingly suggestive symbolism (my favourite is the part in which the ‘mistresses’ slash red paint across the bare chests of their subservient menfolk, right before they’re told to ‘take the path into the sea and don’t look back’). If you needed any further evidence that 90% of reality TV is com-
NEW CLOTHES: No self-respecting feminist is without a metallic bikini missioned as a direct result of drugaddled lunacy – as if the upcoming Great Sperm Race wasn’t enough – then look no further. In fact, this week, Student TV brings you an exclusive insight* into the world of telly-making with the following excerpt of a real-life conversation between Channel 4’s Head of Programming and an unnamed aspiring director: EARNEST DOCUMENTARYMAKER: “Right: eight women and
ten men attempt to live under a matriarchal rule in an effort to prove women’s capabilities are equal to those of men.” COMMISSIONING EDITOR [bending down to snort coke off of the taut body of a naked, immobile geisha]: “Yuh, yuh, that’s great, I’m liking where you’re going with this. Except I’m thinking we shoot it on a desert island.” EARNEST: “…an island? I – I was thinking Herefordshire.”
COMMISSIONING EDITOR [wagging his finger dismissively]: “You’re saying Herefordshire, but I’m hearing Haiti. And I’m thinking when women reach emancipation, they’re gonna want to dress only in leopard print sarongs, gold bikinis, that kind of shizz.” PAUSES “So it goes without saying we don’t want any fat birds.” EARNEST [spluttering slightly]: “I’m not really sure we – I mean it’s not very feminist, is it?” COMMISSIONING EDITOR [now manically chewing his face]: “It’s feminism made sexy! Repackaged! Feminism is the SEX! And let’s sacrifice a man at the end of every episode! Let’s have the women, like, burn him on a funeral pyre and dance naked over the ashes –" Legal Team [interrupting]: “Um, I don’t think we’re allowed to do that” [Earnest sits silently, a single tear rolling down his cheek] *Not really. This was completely made up out of images from our own brains.
CHRIS MOYLES
FACE FOR RADIO
PROFESSIONAL LOUD MOUTH Chris Moyles is making his third stab at presenting a passable TV show. The man rejected by Five is fronting a topical quiz show on C4. Chris Moyles’ Quiz Show, which started on Sunday, follows Live with Chris Moyles and The Chris Moyles Show, both shows which were swiftly shelved when TV execs realised that audiences didn’t require being both visually and aurally assaulted on a weekly basis. The Student caught up with Moyles before the show premiered to offer him support in the form of tough trivia and gentle character assassination. Which band reached no. 69 in the UK charts with ‘Face for the Radio’ in 2007? CM: The View Will the show have title music as execrable as your Radio One jingles? CM: You bet, I’ve teamed up with Comedy Dave and Keith Chegwin, we wrote a parody of Mock the Week’s theme tune, it’s called Don’t Read All About It, Listen to My Breakfast Show. Complete the following song lyric: 'I wish I was special...' CM: 'But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, what the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.' Correct. What can you bring to C4 to make the show a success? CM: I'll kick the station up the arse, that’s what they hired me to do. What do I bring to Channel 4? Me and my little world, everything that goes with it including big breasted women and crap competitions. I’m the saviour of broadcasting. Will viewers have to listen to twenty minutes of your piss-boring anecdotes before the quiz actually starts? CM: Yup, that's the concept for the first round. The contestants have to listen to me and the first one to break, be it through lashing out or clawing at their own eyes, is the loser. I'm calling it 'Everybody Loves Chris'. How do you feel about criticism that you're the one of the main culprits in dumbing-down the BBC? CM: One of the main culprits? I'm the mother-loving pioneer of dumbing-down. During the breakfast show I have three hours to fill with incessant crap. Talking about myself is the easiest way to kill time. Really, you're just a satirical genius, aping both your target audience and ridiculing a society that has taken political correctness to extremes? CM: [No reply. Moyles has spotted a "top-heavy lovely" and, remarkably, appears to have lost control of his jaw.] Imagined by Susan Robinson
film@studentnewspaper.org
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
Review 19
Film
Knocked for a loop all photos: Stuart crawford
Lyle Brennan meets the men behind In the Loop at the Glasgow Film Festival
I
n a plush, mahogany-trimmed office in the White House, ferocious spin doctor Malcolm Tucker (played by Peter Capaldi), treats a fresh-faced bureaucrat to a particularly brutal keelhauling - punishment for the heinous crime of being 22 years old. It is this scene, from the forthcoming British political satire In the Loop, that pops into my head as Capaldi takes a seat in a soulless hotel conference suite and rasps, “You’re probably wondering why we asked you here this morning”. Whereas with Capaldi’s fictional Downing Street psychopath such a comment would typically precede an explosive verbal savaging, today the Glaswegian’s notorious onscreen rage seems to have been replaced with a polite weariness that presumably comes with promoting what critics have already tipped to be the best British film of 2009. Although the film shares much of the same cast, crew and stark, hand-held aesthetic as its TV counterpart, its creator, director and writer, Armando Iannucci (the man behind Steve Coogan’s Alan Partridge), insists that In the Loop is no more than the big-screen ‘brotherin-law’ of his hugely successful BBC sitcom, The Thick of It. Nevertheless, it’s a familiar format for anyone who’s seen the show: Tucker, who again appears to be perpetually on the verge of an aneurysm, dashes back and forth, biting the heads off incompetent ministers and paper shufflers who bitch, sabotage and
desperately try to look cool as the government collapses into chaos and farce around their ears. In some cases the characters even seem to be renamed versions of their sitcom incarnations - Chris Addison’s Toby, for example, is essentially a reshaped, though entirely welcome variation on sneering government advisor, Oliver Reeder. This time around, however, the stakes are raised as an unspecified war looms and a spectacularly ill-advised comment
“
The Oxford English Dictionary would do well to include the term 'catastrofuck' in next year's edition." from Simon Foster MP (Tom Hollander) sets in motion the beginnings of an unsettlingly familiar and entirely pointless allied campaign in the Middle East, resulting in some fantastically strained exchanges between characters on both sides of the Atlantic. Iannucci first got the idea, he says, from a spin-off episode of The Thick of It: "When we did the specials, which were an hour long, we saw the opposition party and it made me realise, actually, you can open it up. As long as you’ve got the world fixed in your head and the character of it, the tone of it, you can actually start pulling out a bit and seeing ‘what’s over there’. And then the story of the war and how the Brits were sort of sucked into feeling a little
bit important, getting a bit giddy about going out to Washington and being in the oval office and therefore forgetting what it was they were there to do, that struck me as a funny story - so it was taking those two elements, really. And that therefore made the film have that kind of international dimension, or a bigger canvas on which we worked.” As Iannucci, Capaldi, and Addison bring In the Loop to the Glasgow Film Festival, the quiet confidence with which they speak about the film is understandable. A wildly successful world premiere at Utah’s Sundance festival saw this bleak, almost worryingly realistic satire of US-British politics snapped up by American distributors, and the buzz around In the Loop has been steadily mounting ever since. Capaldi, it seems, has already settled into the life of a superstar - “There’ll be a croissant along in a minute, and you’ll see it has my name on it”, he gloats. Watching the film, it seems inevitable that the critical reaction should be nothing less than rapturous. At the forefront is that unique brand of dialogue that originally shot The Thick of It to success - an inspired juxtaposition of incomprehensible government jargon and sexually violent invective that, in the film, sees a crucial UN vote on whether or not to wage war figuratively described as being ‘fisted to death’, while the Oxford English Dictionary would do well to include the term ‘catastrofuck’ in next year’s edition. It’s the product of what Capaldi describes as ‘beautifully constructed’ scriptwriting (a slightly odd phrase to attribute to the most verbally violent film released in years), and as an actor, he says, “It’s a constant frustration because I can’t speak, I can’t put a sentence together, I can’t reach the end of a sentence effectively at all - whereas the writers provide these fantastic lines. So that’s what I often get very worried
about – Malcolm’s mind’s very fast and a bit of my mind’s fast but not the bit with words.” That said, it has always been the case that this team has relied heavily on improvisation - Addison recalls receiving a ‘bollocking’ from Iannucci and Capaldi for early incidences of lapses in discipline and ignoring the golden rule: ‘stay scared of Malcolm’. The cast is now evidently a well-oiled machine but with such an established set of actors being carried over from the TV series, surely those American newcomers draughted in for the film’s transatlantic setting would find the prospect of joining them more than a little daunting (even the big names like James Gandolfini of The Sopranos and Mimi Kennedy of Dharma & Greg). Not so, says Addison, who says of the on-screen dynamic between Zack Woods and Anna Chlumsky, “They were astonishing – it was just relentless back and forth”. “Yeah”, agrees Capaldi. “They made us feel pretty shit.” Even still, it’s the Brits that steal the show. Watching Tucker appear in Washington, snarling, cadaverous and sandwiched between two mobile phones at all times, you almost feel like a child about to hiss at a pantomime villain - although the urge to cheer is somehow always stronger. But it’s the contrasts and clashes between nations that make the film: to a passing tourist who requests that he minds his language, Tucker replies “Kiss my sweaty balls, you fat fuck”, while the anticlimactic return to local constituency politics is incredibly, gratifyingly dreary. Arguably the most intriguing thing about the world of The Thick of It and In the Loop is the almost uncomfortable degree of believability its creator has built into it. According to Iannucci, this hinges largely on his habit of keeping the audience somewhat blinkered: “In The Thick of It you never see the Prime Minister - so in this one you never see the President. I think it becomes more real and more believable if you see the people who are really there doing the day-to-day stuff rather the big people who get to go around in
motorcades.” The realism that this affords is what makes a satire like In the Loop so unique; whereas series like The West Wing and Yes, Prime Minister exposed the head of state to the audience, In the Loop retains the impression that, yes, this could well be happening in parallel with the glossy world of press conferences and election campaigns based on hope rather than cutthroat mudslinging. The only real note of caution sounded over the film’s release comes from the issue of timing. The fervent support with which much of the western world has reacted to Obama’s election, and the subsequent wave of optimism over US foreign policy begs the question of whether or not this is the wrong time for a satire of this nature. “No! This is the right time”, comes the reply from Iannucci. “[At Sundance] the audience wanted to kind of get what had been going on in their heads about the last eight years, I think they were just relieved to see it up in front of them and sort of dealt with; but also there is that sense – and this why we’ve deliberately kept it away from being about Iraq and about Bush and made it more contemporary – there was that sense that it could happen again. Because it’s not about evil, nasty people, it’s all about slightly fragile people making occasionally the wrong decision or not quite having the right courage or convictions and the accumulation of all that, people slightly backing themselves into something. “Now already we’re getting Hilary Clinton being very bullish about Iran and Obama talking about a surge in Afghanistan, and the Middle East and Israel is all very uncertain. I’m not saying ‘Oh, we’re going to have another war’ but I think it’s quite important that we see that you know how these things happen and it’s not to do with one person pushing a button, it’s to do with the collective atmosphere, really.” So, depending on how the first years of the Obama presidency unfold, this could well be one of the films that people look back on and see as one of the defining insights into today’s political climate. For the sake of America, the UK and the rest of the world, let’s just hope not. In the Loop will be released on 17 April.
Tuesday March 24, 2009 studentnewspaper.org
20
film@studentnewspaper.org
Review
Pretty Woman star Clive Owen teams up with hardman Julia Roberts
DUPLICITY
DIRECTED BY TONY GILROY
ony Gilroy is a productive man T these days. Just last year Michael Clayton, the screenwriter’s directorial
debut based on his own story, took home seven Oscar nominations and won one for Tilda Swinton’s turn as icy corporate chief Karen Crowder. Gilroy’s latest screenplaycollaboration State of Play is a political thriller based on a 2004 BBC mini-series concerning investigative reporters cracking a murder case and
is released next month. Somewhere in between Gilroy has had time to pen and direct Duplicity, which differentiates itself from his recent works, including the Bourne trilogy, in two important aspects: it involves no killing whatsoever and is nothing less than a nostalgic romantic drama. Granted, the film is set in the cold world of multi-million dollar business, with two ex-secret service agents screwing and double-crossing each other by turn. It involves time limits, splendid locations and even a funky new gadget - all very Bond-ish. The real story, however, is a study of unconditional love, the possibility of finding counterparts in life and
standing by them, regardless of their flaws. Claire ( Julia Roberts) and Ray (Clive Owen) are strictly on business in Dubai when they meet at a US consulate party and end up sleeping together. Several years later, they are both working as corporate spies for rival pharmaceutical companies, looking for a chance to cash in big time. More than any other recent con-film, Duplicity brings to mind the older genre hits like His Girl Friday (1940). Hawks’s fast-talking classic captures the audience from the outset with its snappy dialogue and stimulating battle of the sexes and never lets go. Sadly, Duplicity
talks the talk well enough but while Roberts and Owen both turn in quality performances, the film starts off with almost zero chemistry between them. It is indeed a curious phenomenon, considering that Owen and Roberts are no strangers to each other on screen. Duplicity unites them after Mike Nichols’ s gripping 2004 hit Closer, a gruesome tale of love, sex and betrayal in London. In that case, though the chilly material provided by Patrick Marber’s play leaves chances for romantic encounters few and far between, when it does happen the two stars are more than competent. Perhaps the blame is on Gilroy, then, for not
LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS
DIRECTED BY PHIL CLAYDON
ny fan of Gavin and Stacy, A and anyone whose eyes light up with the mention of vampires,
will be brutally disappointed with newcomer Phil Claydon’s Lesbian Vampire Killers. Although I didn’t have very high expectations going into the film, I admit to being truly shocked by just how bad it was. With a witless script, torturous ‘get in!’ humour, and a tired storyline all seemingly aimed at pubescent boys, Lesbian Vampire Killers is profoundly shit. Harsh as that might sound, there’s no getting around it. I left the cinema feeling annoyed and somewhat violated. The film begins with a tacky Bram Stoker-style prologue depicting the slaying of the sexy queen lesbian vampire, Carmilla, by a mighty knight after she places a curse on his village fating all the girls to a life of lesbian vampirism from their 18th birthdays. The film goes on to present Gavin and Stacy duo James Corden and Matthew Horne, who star in this mindless boob fest as two loser lads, one recently sacked and the
PROFOUNDLY SHIT: even a Priest/babe/spooky wood combination fails to save Horne and Corden from themselves other recently dumped, on a hiking holiday to the small, boring village of Cragwich. In a stencilled plotline, the ‘boring’ village turns out to be far from what it seems… it’s
only the village cursed by vampire Carmilla in the prologue! Crikey! And to the lads’ happy surprise a group of hot Swedish girls are there to study Carmilla, all, of course,
wearing practically nothing. How serendipitous! As the film progresses to its inevitable conclusion, there are many lesbians and many vampires.
setting his leads in the right mood. Luckily, Duplicity is one of those films that rewards you for sticking with it: it does get much better as it goes along. If you get past the somewhat frozen first hour, you’re most likely enjoying yourself since the film is at its best very lightweight and funny, even silly. Gilroy seemingly possesses the Midas touch to turn the most mundane subject matter, like pesticide, or in Duplicity’s case, shampoo, into engaging drama. It’s just a shame then that it takes so long to start. Jutta Sarhimaa
Most of the hot Swedish girls turn into lesbian vampires, and our heroes Corden and Horne have to kill them. Many a-boob is flashed, many guts and heads fly across the screen and throughout all this, humour is attempted. To add insult to injury, Lesbian Vampire Killers borrows all its stylistic features from legitimate and worthwhile films and TV shows. The film’s credit sequence, for example, with its use of scene titles placed strategically within separate frames, echoes Frank Miller’s Sin City and Tim Kring’s Heroes. These features are not adapted or used intelligently, but swiped directly. This only helps to reflect the film’s total lack of originality and intelligence. Anyone looking for a bona fide sexy vampire film is much better off looking in the direction of Robert Rodriguez (Sin City, hmm...) and Quentin Tarantino's From Dusk Till Dawn, which stars George Clooney, Harvey Keitel, and Salma Hayek as a vampire stripper. No, not a person who strips vampires, an exotic dancer who is also a vampire. I can confidently say that Lesbian Vampire Killers is one of the absolute worst films I have ever had the misfortune to see. Maya Groon-Glaspie
Direct your racism and misogyny-related complaints to: film@studentnewspaper.org
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
Review 21 PAUL BLART: MALL COP
DIRECTED BY STEVE CARR
PF
aul Blart: failure as a man, but man, what a hilarious film! rom Happy Madison (the fine folks behind Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison, and most of Adam Sandler’s star vehicles) comes Paul Blart: Mall Cop, a tale of a common man who rises to an uncommon occasion. For whatever reason (perhaps Adam Sandler is performing an off-Broadway version of Chekhov’s The Cherry Orchard) the star of this production is Kevin James, best known as Will Smith’s lovable sidekick in Hitch. James doesn’t have the reputation of Sandler yet, be that a good or bad thing, but he brings considerable comedic chops to the role of Paul Blart. Blart is a man who seems to have lost everything, even his last ounce of self respect. His Mexican wife has left him after securing her green card and decided to run free across America. Despite his best efforts, he can’t get into the Police Department and the cherry on the cupcake: he’s addicted to sugary
foods. Thus, the only career option left for a depressed, sugar-addicted police academy dropout is rotund shopping mall security guard. Blart’s truly mundane existence is shattered when a gang of gun-toting, techno-loving skateboarders decided to take over the mall, leaving only Blart as the last line of defence. And yes, somehow, Blart’s Mexican ladyfriend gets caught up in the tomfoolery. As Blart takes on the gang of 'Generation Y ' clichés, James truly brings an impeccable comic timing to the role, showing that, despite lacking traditional leading man qualities, he can certainly carry a film. Perhaps because the producers decided to go in a different direction from the Adam Sandler man-boy character we’ve seen so often, they had the opportunity to invent something that undoes the stale comedy they’ve been churning out in recent years. Not to say that this film foregoes the slapstick we have come to know and love. James succeeds spectacularly in this arena, especially in the scene where he downs an entire pitcher of margarita and proceeds to abuse anyone and everyone in sight before smashing his way out of the room. This left me clutching for breath, choking on my overpriced cinema coke. Many Happy Madison regulars return
DENCH YOU WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS HOT LIKE ME?
B PROFOUNDLY SHIT: Priest/babe combination fail in bit parts, but James steals the show, with only his Mexican wife, played by Jayma Mays, turning in another notable performance. The result is familiar and characteristic of Happy Madison, but with a marked changing of the guard. The only problem with the film is the length. At a reasonably short 91 minutes you would think the film focused on the action and comedy, but it spends almost half of the film introducing Blart and the cast of characters. This, it
has to be said, really does get a bit tedious when we’re waiting impatiently for all of the laughs you'd expect from such a comedy vehicle . I will concede that many audiences will find the humour on display here immature (and it is, self-consciously so), but for Sandler fans, this is an absolute must-see, a film that wears its inherent stupidity proudly on both sleeves.
Lance Jordan
In honour of mother's day: Top Milfs (mothers I'd like to film)
other. Mummy. The MotherM lode. Ma mere. Mutter. Just four of the titles we use to objectify today's modern female progenitor (my personal preference), none of which, try as they might, fully encapsulates the elevation of Ychromosomatic agents to life-giving Chinese dolls of femininity. However, attempts to do what words plainly cannot has given rise to many fine media portrayals of womanhood's ultimate role as baby-maker... Perceived role, perceived role... women are multi-faceted beings after all. Anyway, here they are. In honour of ALL mothers, The very best mothers to have ever graced the birthing theatre of celluloid... FLASH OF GENIUS
DIRECTED BY MARC ABRAHAM
F
lash of Genius is a remarkable work. Following the story of an average (read ‘American’) Joe fighting for an idea as it is stolen from him, the film serves as an apt satire on the American dream in a way that Arthur Miller’s seminal Death of a Salesman did on the stage. Bob, a local university professor in his mid-thirties, assumes that life has taken him as far as it can, living out a contented if not thrilling existence. Then Bob has an idea; an idea that has the potential to affect every living man; an idea that he and his family believe will make them a fortune. Bob y’see, he invented the motor-powered windshield wiper. So then Bob takes out a patent and goes to the Big Three (General Motors, Ford and Chrysler) with his idea,
1. SARAH CONNOR (Terminator, Terminator 2). A true badass mother-mother. Bearing the future of all mankind can be a tough gig but Sassy Sarah pulls it off with real panache, getting herself incarcerated in order to save money on gym bills (sanitoriums have excellent pull-up bars) and greasing herself to within an inch of her life, readying herself for battle against robots from the future. By the end of the film, her physique is so toned it's frankly xyloonic (brilliant neologism copyright The Student 24/03/09).
unfiltered, Freudian neco-incestuous-pschosomatica. As I believe the great man himself termed dressing up in lady's clothes. We've all done it-get over it. You can even get off on it if you want (but in private on your own time and without associated murder).
2. MRS BATES (Psycho). Fruity is she? Yes, yes she is. And starting to rot. Though still managing to take showers. Under the spray of pure,
4. BAMBI'S MOTHER (the heartswelling opening minutes of Bambi, never to be seen again thereafter). Disney's greatest success
eager to make a fortune. Surprise for him then when the companies (shock and horror!) steal his idea! We then witness the descent of Bob from an average guy who dreamt big into an obsessive who cares nothing but for his victory, at the cost of family and home. It’s David and Goliath (where the stone is a court case and the slingshot is the U.S Judicial System) with a few motifs pinched from Hamlet and Death of a Salesman for good measure. The film never at any point aspires to be anything more than it is and this turns out to be one of its greatest strengths. Like The Assassination of Richard Nixon and other such films before it, the film tells a powerful story without pandering to convention. Greg Kinnear delivers a wonderful performance as the aforementioned Bob, while Lauren Graham also shines as Phyllis Kearns, the inventor’s tortured wife. The chemistry between the two brings each of their respective charac-
ters to a new level, benefiting the film as a whole. Overall, Flash of Genius is an easy film to recommend.. So everyone head down to your local cinema-theatre and gaze upon what will surely become
3. SAMUEL L. JACKSON (ubiquitous mutha). A facile joke at a fine actor's expense, playing upon crass socio-linguistic reference to a perceived black sub-culture. Apologies.
in terms of adherence to his infamous "make children cry, scar 'em for life" mantra is a shocking reminder of film's ability to kill anthropomorphised forest-dwellers. Interestingly, the death of Bambi's mother is never actually confirmed, assumptions jumped to through distant gunshots heard. She...she...could still be alive? Put up some posters quicksmart. 5. MRS COHEN (giver of the titular Life of Brian). With strong, masculine features and a gift for apocryphal revelation ("Was it rape?" "At first..." etc.), Mrs Cohen is everything a mother should be and more. But she is NOT mother to The Messiah. He's just a very naughty boy. a cult classic in years to come. Films featuring characters obsessive to the point of self-destruction often are, and this is no exception.
Sean Cameron
ugger! I said two lumps of sugar in my tea… The staff here at The Student’s office are just rubbish. Well. Dame Judi Dench here, a.k.a. the Notorious DJD. I sprained my ankle whilst exiting the Wyndham theatre in London, where I am performing in the new play Madame De Sade. The doctors tell me I must take a week off, so when my close, dear friends at Film approached me to pen their news column it seemed like the perfect opportunity to flex me skillz. In the most terribly good news of the week, Disney darlings the Jonas Brothers are set to appear in Fox’s adaptation of (my favourite) classic children’s book Walter the Farting Dog. How delightful, but what would Jesus think? Terribly nice boys, though. Shame about the sex thing. Veteran directors the Farrelly brothers are set to direct in what will surely be their best film since Stuck On You. Times are tough for fellow Disney alum Lindsay Lohan, who is having more trouble finding work than a one-eyed, peg-legged prostitute. Apparently she lost out on the part of Alice in Tim Burton’s adaptation of the Alice in Wonderland story, and now she’s desperate to work with Sean Penn in his new film. Lohan wants to sell Penn the “package deal” of herself and Seth Rogen, with only the slight problem that Rogen won’t return her calls. Terribly awful. In awfully exciting news, Fast and Furious, the fourth film in my favourite series, just premiered in Hollywood. Nothing gets my motor running like that Vin Diesel, bald, sweaty, covered in grease, with those rippling muscles… Oh my… Exhale, Judi… The producer of the films, Neil Moritz, was describing his methodology in dealing with directors. His advice? “Make it fast, or make me furious.” How charming. Fast and Furious hits theatres in the United Kingdom on the 10th of April. I know we're all terribly excited for Fast and Furious, but the following weekend brings us the greatest gift of all: a mother's love. Ha, just kidding, dumb mofos... It's time for Crank 2: High Voltage! Jason Statham stars in the sequel to Crank, playing hitman Chev Chelios, who is running around Los Angeles in search of a Chinese gangster who has stolen his super-human heart and replaced it with an electric one that needs constant shocks of, wait for it, high voltage to keep running. Contact the Academy, I think we're going to have to create an award for best film ever made. It seems that our time here has come to an end. Do be a darling and stay in touch. It'll be months before we return to drop truth bombs on your mind grapes. Did that make any sense, oh my, must be the painkillers... Dame Judi Dench
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
22
music@studentnewspaper.org
Review
MUSIC
Singles reviews
Album of the week
PET SHOP BOYS Love etc. PARLOPHONE
YEAH YEAH YEAHS
that IBoyst'sthearegreat Pet Shop back in
fashion, mainly because they're two of the most intelligent, thoughtful songwriters we have, and because they wrap those songs in swathes of icy synth that's as catchy as it is, erm, icy. The Xenomania-produced 'Love etc.' gives us all this, as well as the line 'You need more than a big blank check to be a lover' which is ace, and very true! Tennant's voice is as ageless as ever, still sounding as it did on Please way back in 1986. Twenty-three years and they've still got bags of tunes and interesting things to say. What more can you ask? OASIS
Andrew Chadwick
Falling Down BIG BROTHER
asis are O about as relevant as Mary
Poppins. Written and sung by Noel Gallagher, the third single from Dig Out Your Soul is an uncomplicated threechord track - you get the sense that four chords may be asking a bit too much - with a psychedelic backdrop. 'Falling Down' is decent enough, but isn't going to knock your socks off. The song title and lyrics don't help: I'm trying hard not to think of an old, decrepit building. Remixes by The Prodigy and Amorphous Androgynous are far more exciting, the latter a 22-minute experimental jam that only emphasises the faded glamour of the original cut. LADY GAGA
Johnny Stockford
Poker Face INTERSCOPE
T
he criticism usually aimed at Lady GaGa, is that her brand of electro-pop is a precision attempt to emulate the styles of the most successful female pop stars, without the character and personality that made those songs classic hits. This is rubbish. Britney's 'Toxic' was brilliant, but only because it was just a fine tune, expertly produced and well sung. 'Poker Face' is the same. Based around a jaunty distorted synth line that's made for the dancefloor, the track really explodes at the chorus. It's catchy enough to endure its ubiquity. Andrew Chadwick
It's Blitz! POLYDOR
ans of Fever F to Tell and Show Your Bones
might be disappointed by this third album from the Brooklyn trio, but It’s Blitz! establishes Yeah Yeah Yeahs as not only one of the leading lights in American indie rock, but as a potential crossover band. No longer is it all about the eccentric lead singer; on this album, style is forcefully introduced to substance over forty scintillating minutes. And they seem to get on very well indeed. It’s Blitz! opens with arguably the best single of 2009 so far – ‘Zero’, an epic, synthy dance track, with Karen O in her element as a spiky disco queen, yelping and screaming out as only she can. ‘Heads Will Roll’ follows on in the same vein, only more aggressive, eighties dance music fronted by a punk with attitude. With Karen O howling "off with your head/Dance, dance, dance till you're dead" in the best chorus here, it's a song crying out for a remix while already feeling like the complete article as a full-bodied dance track. But these opening two songs are not truly representative of the album as a whole. It's Blitz! is essentially a multifaceted pop album, featuring slow burners ('Soft Shock', 'Runaway') as well as bona fide floorfillers ('Dull Life'). The DANANANANAYKROYD Hey Everyone! BEST BEFORE RECORDS
iyaaa!' 'H shouts Dananananayk-
royd's Calum Gunn on 'Watch This', the opener on their longawaited debut album, an enthusiastic greeting that pretty much sums up the ethos of a band all about turning heaviness and aggression into positivity and fun with boundless energy and a great big shit-eating grin, turning walls of death to a barrage of hugs, a gig into a violent collective love-in. Until now, with the exception of recent single 'Pink Sabbath,' Dananananaykroyd had everything, including the best live show in Britain; everything but, perhaps, the songs. That isn't to say there weren't great melodies there, huge choruses, exhilarating breakdowns and the rest, but they lacked structure and cohesion, something to make them into real songs, rather than the (admittedly perfect) soundtrack to a band going wild on stage. On Hey Everyone! this problem is solved emphatically, as
frenetic pace of early material is gone but the punk attitude is still present on songs such as ‘Dull Life’, which seems to sum up the history of the band in four fantastic minutes whilst sounding both fresh and exciting. However, the underdeveloped and repetitive ‘Shame and Fortune’ suggests that the band has made the right move in escaping their early raw rock sound. Producer Dave Sitek, of TV On The Radio fame, has provided It's Blitz! with the kind of accessibility that made his band's most recent album, Dear Science, so successful. The new ingredient here is a maturity and depth that we saw developing on Show Your Bones, but which firmly expresses itself on It’s Blitz! throughout. The beautiful ‘Little Shadow’ demonstrates the band’s new versatility, as Karen O finally shows just how good a singer she actually is, breaking hearts over twinkly electronics and drums. The music itself has progressed dramatically, too. Glacial future single ‘Hysteric’ builds wonderfully with the help of trumpets, while ‘Skeleton’ and the excellent ‘Runaway’ recall the grand, euphoric orchestration of Arcade Fire at their best. It’s Blitz! once again reinvents the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and their new guise is slicker, but less stylised, defying easy categorisation and revealing the vulnerable side of Karen O more than ever before; less a vocal machine of hisses and squeals, and more a human, experiencing a whole spectrum of emotion. This is, and will remain, one of the best records of 2009. Matthew Oldfield lead single 'Black Wax' will attest: a poppy verse that lodges itself in the brain after approximately two listens, a mammoth chorus, vocals criss-crossing between Calum and drummer/vocalist John Bailie Junior, and an epic, stadium rock outro. Much of the rest is re-recorded tracks from the mini-album Sissy Hits, but rather than being material plundered to pad out the length of a full record from a band with not enough ideas to fill one, these songs are given a new lease of life from the extra muscle and higher production values present here. They are no longer the sprawling mess they once were, but tighter, leaner beasts that can now claim to be genuine examples of the Dananananaykroyd-patented 'fight-pop' genre, as the fine songs underneath the chaos are revealed in all their glory. 'Totally Bone,' '1993,' and 'Some Dresses' all have a new drive and sense of purpose, they all go forward with a momentum that was lacking somewhat on Sissy Hits. Everything new here is equally impressive, and displays Dananan's talent for effortlessly switching between monstrously heavy riffs and sing along pop, whilst closer 'Song One Puzzle' provides the appropriate finale with its crashing cymbals and squalling guitars, a highlight of
Yeah Yeah Yeahs: The magpies of art-rock. their live set. It was always going to be the main challenge of making this album for Dananan to channel something of their live performance onto record, something they've previously failed to do, but their debut possesses this quality in spades. It's early days yet, but with its unrelenting energy, melody and
sense of fun, Hey Everyone! will be a tough act to beat come the end-ofyear polls. Best live act, best album, best between-song banter...doesn't that mean best band in Britain? Andrew Chadwick
Dananan: Gasping in horror at their drummer's yellow tentacle.
Don't go anywhere without your iPod? music@studentnewspaper.org
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
Review 23
Live reviews TUNNG with Tinariwen Edinburgh Picture House Saturday 21st March
hen describing the collective W ‘folktronica’ band, Tunng, the rock songs of AC/DC are usually
far from any fan’s mind. Yet, as the eclectic British sextet took to the stage alongside the French-speaking, Tamasheq-singing musical group known as Tinariwen, their tribute to the Australian hard rockers was just an indication of the surprises that were to come. For Tunng frontman, Mike Lindsay, the collaboration with three of the Touraeg blues rock legends from the Sahara was intended to ‘create a fantasy world, a feeling that takes you somewhere else.’ Considering none of Tinariwen speak English and none of Tunng understand much French, this was never going to be an easy or conventional feat. While Tunng’s quirky English songs are peppered with references to Little Chef and Jeremy Kyle, Tinariwen’s music deals with the struggles of the Touareg people, the fatal uprisings against the Malian government and the tribal conflict between rebel groups. Three members of the Saharan band appeared on stage first with a warm welcome of "bonsoir" for the opening songs: Abdallah Ag Alhousseyni on acoustic guitar, Eyadou Ag Leche on bass and Said Ag Ayad on the djembe. As a stripped-down group, Tinariwen captured the rawness of their music, Said Ag Ayad producing a series of tight, hypnotic rhythms which allowed the guitarists to layer more fluid notes on top. Although these tracks were effective in drawing the audience
The Mugs
in to Tinariwen's relaxed style, the introduction of Tunng allowed for a far denser, more uplifting performance. Those members of the audience who were initially hesitant to dance soon got more involved with the collaboration as the collective switched between playing the breezy material of Tunng and the rootsy songs of Tinariwen. It was Becky Jacobs's 21st birthday, Tunng's diminutive singer and percussionist, and she took a moment's pause from dancing in her blue dress to sip her glass of red wine and say, "I couldn't ask to be amongst a finer group of people," her brief speech capturing the kind of gleeful optimism that we've come to expect from Tunng's music. This was followed by one of Tunng's brightest songs - the lovely 'Jenny Again' - Jacobs beginning the song with tweets from a wind-up bird in a cage. The surprise of the night came in the form of an improvised hard rock jam indebted to the Saharan band. Tunng's energetic frontman Mike Lindsay was seen pogoing up and down on his acoustic guitar, looking perhaps more like Charlie from Busted than Angus Young. Still, it was a great moment of light relief and visible onstage bonding between two bands from entirely different cultures. Other highlights included Tunng's 'Bullets', a single from their last album Good Arrows, Tinariwen's wonderful 'Mano Dayak', and Said's rap during the encore. This lengthy set felt more at times like a experimental collaboration than a cohesive performance, but for what it lacked in musical unity it made up for in diversity and an 'anything goes' mentality that was hard to resist. Sarah Morrison
Our humble awards cover this academic year: music released between September 2008 and June 2009.
Best Song nominees Phoenix - 1901 Beyonce - Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It) The Pains of Being Pure at Heart - Young Adult Friction Grizzly Bear - Two Weeks A. R. Rahman - Jai Ho And the winner is... The Pains of Being Pure at Heart - Young Adult Friction
worst Song nominees Duffy - Rain On Your Parade Kid Cudi - Day 'N' Nite (Crookers Remix) The Killers - Human Theory Of A Deadman - Hate My Life U2 - Get On Your Boots And the winner is... U2 - Get On Your Boots
best live band Amadou & Mariam Dananananakroyd Titus Andronicus The Hold Steady The Cure And the winner is... Dananananakroyd
mug of the year Kanye West - " From a design standpoint, kids'll say, 'Dude, those pants are gay.' But in the past two, three years, all the gay people I've encountered have been, like, really, really, extremely dope." Christian Bale - "What the FUCK are you doing?" "Oh goooood!!" Tom Cruise - "When I was a kid I always wanted to kill Hitler...I hated that guy and everything he stood for." Anne Hathaway - "...one of the most untouted aphrodisiacs in the world is charity work. Seriously, you want a girl to be impressed, vaccinate some kids, build a house." And the winner is... Kanye West
Recommended tracks So as the semester draws to a close and you're all off to get drunk before hauling yourself to the library for some half-arsed revision, we leave you with some of the best tunes to celebrate your brief rest from the strains of academia. Diana Ross and the supremes - you can't hurry love (single) An obvious choice perhaps, but nothing beats the rush of the familiar Motown classic. A surefire way to fill a dancefloor. lionel richie - all night long (all night) (can't slow down) OK we'll go with the Motown theme. Everyone knows this, and it's euphoric singalong chorus means its a highlight of any party. For anyone who has a copy of the LP, how hilarious is the gatefold picture? Pure genius. arthur conley - sweet soul music (single) "Do you like good music?/That sweet soul music?" Yes I do Arthur, and this is a fine example of it. Although still a classic, this 1967 hit is somewhat underrated compared to other Motown numbers of equal quality. Dig it out and give it the credit it deserves. solange - sandcastle disco (Sol-angel and the hadley st. dreams) This was a hugely underrated single from the lesser-known Knowles sister, released last year to almost complete indifference. Perhaps because it wasn't a booty-shaking, beat-driven club track, but an authentic-sounding smooth soul tune that floats along in no hurry. Wonderful stuff. dan deacon - build voice (bromst) Dan Deacon is a ginger-bearded guy (as the picture below clearly illustrates) from Baltimore who makes crazy electronic symphonies that will melt your face. This opener from the forthcoming Bromst LP is a huge, ecstatic monster that would be a great start to our perfect party, if not everyone else's. Andrew Chadwick
Tuesday March 24 2009 culture@studentnewspaper.org
24 Review
culture BOOK LAUNCH AFTER THE FIRE by Karen Campbell Presenting your very own new creative work to the public can seem a daunting experience, but it's one that Scottish author Karen Campbell adapts to with ease. The launch of her new novel After the Fire takes place in Waterstone’s, Sauchiehall Street, Glasgow, on Thursday the 19th of March. Having recently been awarded the Best New Scottish Writer at the 2009 Scottish Variety Awards, Campbell is described by her editor as ‘a hot new talent’. Karen Campbell’s new novel is a sequel to The Twilight Time, and as she reveals, part two of a trilogy. Her prior employment in the police force gives Campbell an authoritative yet innovative voice in the world of crime fiction. After a brief welcome by her editor, Karen engages warmly with the audience. Interestingly, Karen touches on the private and public spheres which overlap in a writer’s life. ‘It is,’ she defines, ‘a lonely experience, creating something which, once a finished product, is open to anyone and everyone. This transformation, she implies, is unique to the profession. We focus on the novel at hand. ‘How,’ she asks, ‘would a former cop experience jail?’ The idea of the hunter becoming the hunted is given a fresh approach by Campbell’s narrative. Three excerpts are read from After The Fire, one for each of the three pivotal characters. Though brief, they indicate the wide-set boundaries, touching on motherhood, romance, and a confused and chaotic crime scene. They cross borders, from Glasgow, to America, moving away in part from the territory explored in The Twilight Time. Questions are answered considerately as we delve into character psychology, and the process of forming faces and personalities. ‘If,’ she quips, you find part of yourself in one of her characters, it is not deliberate, but ‘It’s only because I like you!’ On Wednesday the 18th of March, Campbell was interviewed on Women’s Hour. Audio and visual media has clearly become an integral part of print media, and we shouldn’t underestimate its influence. What place can we say that literature has in our current economic downturn? As punters turn away from other forms of entertainment it seems a difficult time for anything which can be considered ‘commercial’. Talking with Bob McDevitt, publisher with Hachette Scotland, provided me with an inspiring perspective. Despite the climate, he commented, books will survive, continuing to generate sales and give enjoyment. The markets haven’t dropped, and books can give us a continuous distraction – they are not limited to a time span, like DVDs. So, we will always have words: the ability to interpret and form our own conclusions remains a rewarding concept, and a cheap one. Christine Johnston
Art breaks out of the frame The Culture team take a look at art outside of Edinburgh's galleries
A
rt has broken out of its frame. Those sketchy chalk drawings so often emblazoned on the Meadows, those faded posters, long past their Festival glory days, revivified by some vaguely biological illustration or additional facial hair, those mysterious stencilled paintings that appear on various walls in Marchmont- art has escaped from the gallery and it is coming to find us. Remember all those bloody cows? These bovine canvases could be found all over the world inciting a kind of artistic hideand-seek. But it got people excited about seeing art without going to a gallery. Living in Edinburgh, we have the advantage of having some fifteen galleries at our disposal, yet, while I won’t lie and say I’ve personally visited them all, every year 1.5 million visitors pass through the doors of the National Galleries of Scotland concreting Edinburgh’s reputation as an internationally renowned city of art. But recently, there has been a stirring in Edinburgh’s art-scene. The Talbot Rice Gallery’s Desire Lines have inverted their space and sent their artists outside, while the ECA’s Come Collective are thrusting their art in our faces in the guise of skinnyjeaned performance artists encouraging us to get a bit more hands-on with our art. However, for those looking to appreciate their art in a somewhat less strenuous fashion, the City Art’s Council may have a solution. Currently touring around Scotland is the aptly named Travelling Gallery. The programme was started in 1978 by the Scottish Arts Council but after being bought by Edinburgh Council in 1997, what was essentially a clapped out two-storey bus has been transformed into well...a travelling gallery. The project aims to introduce Scotland to the artists their country has produced. Local artists, such as Glaswegian Mandy McIntosh
whose art graces the side of the bus, are exhibited alongside international artists sometimes specially commissioned for specific events. But, this is not just a bus full of national pride; this is bus with a message. Wheeling its way around Scotland, the Travelling Gallery has seen some sights, picking up artists as it goes along from all over the country and bringing with it a clear sense of the concerns and issues of minority communities. Each exhibition has a theme; See Sense was specifically curated for people with visual impairment, while Wish I Was Here gave a space for the art of people with two cultures. This year’s exhibit, Finger Buffet, inspired by GM foods and food-packaging raise awareness of our wasteful society by making this waste give back and become art. Kate Owens uses fizzy-drinks to dye t-shirts while Alex Frost comments on healthy, ‘grownup’ food in his clay sculpted Ryvita box. The bus will be opening its doors around Scotland until June 12th when it will return to Edinburgh. The Travelling Gallery literalises Edinburgh’s increasingly mobile and accessible art scene. While maybe not as avant-garde as getting a sweat on with the Come Collective, both projects show art need not be confined to fourwalls, in fact, it’s better if it isn’t. Chief opposer of the gallery Banksy said “You could stick all my shit in Tate Modern and have an opening with Kate Moss on roller blades handing out vol-au-vents and it wouldn’t be as exciting as it is when you go outside and paint something big”. Eloquently put. While Shakespeare said “all the world's a stage”, I say it’s also a canvas, primed to be played with to create a new way of viewing art. But Kate Moss with vol-au-vents? I imagine that might be pretty exciting. Rachel Wiliams
Desire Lines until 19 june Talbot rice gallery - external exhibition
A
disclaimer: before reading on to discover how and where to see the Talbot Rice’s current exhibition, Desire Lines: Art on Campus, go and look for it yourself. Look hard: you may not find all the works, but you may encounter a host of other things that you had not anticipated: a Hitler moustache on a Rhod Gilbert poster; two sea-horses (that is, horses with fishy tails) on a George Square facade; in the gardens, Impy Pilapil’s sculpture 'Wind and Fire'; a longdead crow, the abundance of daffodils and crocuses. One thing you will have noticed is the recent campus-wide political spectacle that built from humble beginnings to a carnivalesque climax on election day. The posters, the banners, the t-shirts, the puportedly pithy lecture-announcements, the megaphone sloganeering, Benedict Robbins’s band: the election circus was an arts festival in itself. But it wasn’t Art: it wasn’t sanctioned by a gallery, it had no curator, no organizing schema. Nevertheless, the title Desire Lines - a term used to define unofficial paths created by human footfall - begs the question: alongside such an orgy of ‘unofficial’ art strategically positioned precisely where human footfall is the greatest, what can be the precise value of an ‘official’ exhibition of ‘Art on Campus’? The two spectacles have shown very different objectives: the works involved in Desire Lines all aim to disperse our gaze outwards from the objects themselves to the environments in which they are situated. A concentric narrative is proposed by the exhibition brochure, starting ‘on-site’, in the Talbot Rice’s Information Hub, with Oliver Godow’s photographic
portraits of university life. University life appears banal - perhaps the gallery space doesn’t frame the ordinary as extraordinary after all. We are invited to investigate that banality for ourselves, and to start to find the exceptional in the everyday. In Potterrow's atrium, Ellen Munro’s installation of fauxethnicky terracotta pots make us ask: just how kitsch is it to have a palm tree in a Scottish university building? The question is at least partially prompted by Iain Kettle’s adjacent installation, a giant inflatable mask that loudly declares: ‘no one has good taste’. Moving on to George Square, Miranda Blennerhassett’s wallpaintings in George Square Lecture Theatre suggest interpretations for a widely misunderstood building. The posters, on the other hand, worked in the opposite way: they were centripetal, striving to suck in our perception from the surrounding hubbub. Every campaign poster hopes that your gaze will alight on it and only it. Oliver Mundell’s posters were like road-traffic signs, screaming ‘Stop! Don’t look elsewhere!’ Some candidates - such as Robert Jenkins and Gabi Jones - serialized and numbered their pledges across their campaigns, aiming to trap the spectator’s long-term attention. This played on our inevitable weakness to cave into the exhortation behind every childhood craze: ‘Collect ‘em All!’. But the election circus has passed, soon to be forgotten. By mid-June Desire Lines will be gone too; but by consistently deferring our perception from object to site, it will hopefully leave us with a lasting legacy: a greater awareness of the campus environment we take for granted. Maps for Desire Lines can be found in Potterrow or downloaded from the Talbot Rice Gallery website. Luke Healey
culture@studentnewspaper.org
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
Review 25 Nights at the circus run ENDED tepooka
am not sure why I didn’t wonder Iclowns whether my paralyzing fear of would pose something of a
joseph and the amazing technicolour dreamcoat run ENDED playhouse theatre
B
eing reminded before the show that there were no mobile phones or video recording equipment in Genesis firmly plunged Edinburgh Playhouse’s anticipating audience into the world of the Bible’s favourite comeback kid- the one who had a passion for fashion and a handy knack at interpreting dreams, that is - not the one who rose from the dead. The touring production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat arrived to the city last week, boasting Edinburgh’s own Craig Chalmers in the title role. Chalmers was received like a rock-star by his home-town audience, with many screaming women putting down their binoculars (Chalmers was wearing a loincloth for a good chunk of the show) to give him a standing ovation at the close.
Demonstrating why he was one of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s favourites in the BBC reality show Any Dream Will Do, Chalmers gave a solid, if slightly dull, performance, but it was Rachael Louise Miller as the narrator who shone the brightest. She pulled the strings of the entire production, kept the momentum and energy up and did so in a star and moon embossed waistcoat (very Autumn/Winter ‘09); her voice was also effortlessly powerful. Multi-tasking Henry Metcalfe, the choreographer and associate director as well as Jacob and Portiphar on stage, is also worth a mention. He and director Bill Kenwright ensured that the show was pacy and fun, reminding the audience of the sheer brilliance of Tim Rice’s lyrics. Including choirs from The Mary Erskine & Stewart Melville Junior Schools was a nice touch and wouldn’t have hurt ticket sales either; the production was definitely aimed at this age group, albeit with a few nods towards their parents’ humour too.
Despite the static set, the props and costume departments have to be commended. Paper sacks ingeniously doubled up as frilly salsa-dancing sleeves for the Caribbean-inspired ‘Benjamin Calypso’ while a plethora of inflatable sheep became a firm favourite among the audience. The technicolor dreamcoat was also a great feat of textile engineering. ‘Go, Go, Go Joseph’, ‘Those Canaan Days’ and ‘Song of the King’ were standout songs with an Elvis-styled Pharaoh (Wayne Smith) putting in an enjoyable appearance in the latter to lament his troublesome dream and showcase his insatiable hips. While Gareth Gates has slipped into the dreamcoat formerly worn by Lee Mead in London’s West End, this touring production will be enjoying the popularity that the well-publicised revival of the musical has spawned. However, despite the title, this particular version of Lloyd Webber’s musical is only quite good. Hannah Ramsey
problem when going to see Theatre Paradok’s latest offering, an adaptation of Angela Carter’s Nights at the Circus. The venue - TePOOKa, a little-known theatre space in Edinburgh’s underbelly - was a perfect choice to stage this adaptation of Angela Carter's perversely burlesque novel. An entourage of circus performers guided us to the seats and upon our positioning on the front bench, and I soon came to realise that these "creatures of the circus" had some serious staying power, and were not going to leave me alone just because of a mild case of coulrophobia. Nonetheless, their acrobatic energy filled the room, working together with the in-house polka band to welcome the audience to the circus while the comedy mime duo prepared the crowd for the night of dark comedy. We follow journalist Jack Wasler on his quest for a story on the infamous Fevvers, an aerialiste with her own inbuilt safety net - a pair of wings. As Arcadia Woods precariously swung around the stage on her hanging perch, her petite frame didn’t quite satisfy the novel’s curvaceous Fevvers. However her repartee with surrogate mother Lizze (Sophie Barclay) as she tries to find her wings and fly free from the circus must be commended. Joe
James Sherwen confidently moved between slapstick comedy, brutal fight-scenes (with those damned clowns) and provided the male nudity so sadly lacking in theatre. Colonel Kearney (Hamish Kallin) was suitably deranged, bounding the stage like the love-child of Fagin and Perry Farell, while Mr Sugar ( Jonathan Blaydon) was downright terrifying, his eerie presence exacerbated by the screeching strings from the band. The European accent of Samson the Strongman (Michael Milne) provided some more mainstream laughs compared to Buffo (Robin Hellier) who was a highlight as the detestable head honcho on Clown Alley who developed a shining for certain members of the audience, predominately those sat in my corner...mainly me. The play certainly captured the carnivalesque aspect of the novel but sadly at the cost of key plot lines. While some of the singing from the original score was not fantastic, it worked within this twisted circus. If you like theatre that jumps out of the box and literally into your face, Paradok are definitely ones to watch. Their distinctly tactile approach was sometimes a little much—although maybe this was because I was so close to the action that I had to take an antihistamine after the show, after inhaling the entire contents of a feather pillow that had been strewn across the stage amongst empty wine bottles, remnants from one of the brothel’s orgies, and the general clowning around. And I really don't like clowns. Rachel Williams
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
26
Don't study, fail your exams, then come and geek out with us at tech@studentnewspaper.org
Review
TECHNOLOGY GAME OVER THIS IS my last column as Tech editor for The Student. Luckily I’m not one for sentimentality; rest assured, I’ll be kicking around the office next year after spending the summer hibernating in a nest made from unread copies of ‘that other paper’. Should be pretty cosy! First, some actual news. Leave it to Apple to come up with gadgets you didn’t even know you wanted. Ladies and gentlemen, let me present to you: the iPod Bluetooth Diabetes Monitor. An adapter pricks your finger and reads blood sugar levels, which are then sent to the iPod and your dietary recommendations for the day are calculated. I can’t wait to find out what it makes of my lunch- half a bag of tortilla chips and a packet of chocolate Hobnobs (sadly, this is not a joke). Better yet, we should push for Xbox Live integration so players can browse online leaderboards of the highest blood sugar levels, unlocking achievements like “obesity” and “blindness” along the way. Who can drink enough golden syrup to be crowned number one? It’s been over a year since I joined the editorial team and raised the bar for the number of terrible similes included in one article. My motivation here has always been transparent. I believe technology, science and games are fun, exciting and worth writing and reading about, regardless of whether you’re a hardcore nerd or think “megahertz” is a geeky synonym for a hangover. If I managed to convince even one person of this during my tenure, it has been time well spent. Thanks to all the staff for feigning interest in Tech every week, Craig for his genuine interest, and of course the five of you who actually read it (Hi, Dad). Next semester, I’ll be writing a feature on how to screw up your degree by playing games all day. Until then… adios. Alan Williamson
SIMILESOF THEYEAR
Games in 2069: a forecast Simcity 9000
Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2069
T
T
his latest title in the series simulates the challenges of running a successful city in the year 2070. As Mayor of Simsville, your duties include improving public transport, suppressing freedom of speech and quelling riots, harvesting seagulls to feed a starving population and stopping ‘The Infected’ from breaching the security walls and feasting on the brains of your residents. Tech’s verdict: “The most realistic SimCity yet!”
I
n the future, growing population limits have led game developers to take drastic measures. In the groundbreaking Real Tournament, players killed in game are murdered in real life and the footage is beamed directly onto your screen.
Real Tournament
The stakes of combat have never been higher. Shock! As you electrocute your opponents with the Shock Rifle. Awe! As you blow them to chunks with a rocket launcher. Wonder! Where your foes disappear when you shoot them with a teleportation device. There can be only one champion… no, seriously.
Mr Miyagi's Karate Training: How Strong is your Chi?
aniel-san, you may have defeated the Cobra Kai gym, but you’ve never been able to train yourself while on the bus or toilet! Utilising the power of the nuclear-powered Nintendo DS3 to reanimate Pat Morita, Karate Training will let you master the deadly Crane Kick and improve your car waxing skills. Tech’s verdict: “Unlike Captain Planet’s Environmental Awareness Training, the power is genuinely yours with this superb package”
The Halo Scrolls: Wii Drain: his innovative Wii T game accurately meaCallzone of Gears Interactive Power Meter sures the amount of power you’re wasting by using of Warcraft Hero the Wii instead of playing
On Twitter: "...it’s like being smacked over the head with a newspaper until you actively acknowledge the contents"
a real games console. Use motion-sensing controls to render very complicated scenes, increasing the juice being drained. Sync wirelessly (and needlessly) to DS Battery Drainer for even higher scores!
On Metal Gear Solid 4's narrative: "...it squashes the underlying game like a fat man riding a child’s bicycle"
On the Max Payne movie: "... The aesthetic of Sin City has been sloppily smeared into the gaping holes in the script like Polyfilla"
Tech’s verdict: “Innovative, but lacking in atmosphere”
D
Tech’s verdict: “Amazingly lifelike graphics and voice acting!”
On Sonic Unleashed: "...it all falls apart quicker than a leper in a wind tunnel"
On graphics: "... Cooking Mama looks like it was drawn by an alien race who had never seen human food before, while Beautiful Katamari is as ‘beautiful’ as a box of Duplo half-chewed by a three year old"
iger Woods may be 94, but that doesn’t stop him from playing a mean 18 holes of cybernetically enhanced golf. In a series first, the Moon has been rendered in its entirety (avoid the bunkers). The new Crater Wedge club, laser guided aiming and 64 player multiplayer Puttmatch all add to the excitement.
N
ow you can recreate the fun of playing your favourite video games without the skills required, using an overpriced peripheral! Match the coloured floating boxes on-screen by pressing the PlaystationTM Dual Shock 3 Controller Simulator to jump, headshot, teabag and insult someone’s mother or sexual orientation. Tech’s verdict: “Successfully recreates the experience of playing a real computer game"
Brought to you from the company behind Toothbrush Training and Nintendoughnuts: Improve Your Baking in Minutes a Day. Tech’s verdict: “So intense it’ll make your lights flicker and boil your kettle”
Seriously, who needs exams when you can email tech@studentnewspaper.org
Tuesday, March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
Review 27
Imperial Mint
Richard Lane never compromises, not even in the face of Armageddon EMPIRE: TOTAL WAR PC £17.99- £29.99 SEGA THE CREATIVE ASSEMBLY
’ve just lost the War of IndepenIswimmingly dence. Everything was going until I directed George
Washington in front of my own cannons, and it all went splattering downhill from there. Leaderless, my army was swiftly routed by the British forces, and my fledgling nation was crushed quicker than Josef Fritzl’s defence case. Empire: Total War is the latest in the strategy series that allows you to completely bugger up history, taking its disregard for the past into the Eighteenth century. Your objective is simple – take over the world. After selecting one of twelve starting nations you arrive on the campaign map with a few regions under your power and a pocketful of groats. The scale of the map is remarkable, encompassing Europe, Eastern America and the Indian subcontinent. Equally impressive is the amount there is to do. Cities can be built, armies recruited, navies constructed, trade routes negotiated, alliances formed, technology researched, assassinations planned
and plantations- well, planted. While this may sound intimidating, many aspects of the campaign map have been streamlined for easier use. Diplomacy is confined to a separate screen, meaning that you no longer have to drag some poor sod in a toga through the Arctic Circle because you want to sell sugar to the Russians. Also, the Spy and Assassin units from previous Total War games have been combined to form the Rake, an all-round ne’er-do-well capable of murder, sabotage and leaving insulting notes in politician’s bedrooms. For the complete novice, the Road to Independence campaign is a story-driven set of missions based around the birth of the USA that gradually introduces you to the game. It’s a solid introduction, though occasionally it went from instructive to patronising, especially upon informing me that ‘Land battles are fought on land’. Once you’ve got to grips with the campaign map, it’s time to pick a fight. Battles are fundamentally different from any of the previous Total War games. Swords and arrows have been replaced with gunpowder, so charging like a blue-arsed Celt into enemy forces will leave your army twitching in the mud. Widening your ranks is crucial to maximising firepower, but leaves you vulnerable
STOP THE WAR: "I think I just dropped my contact lens" to cavalry charges. In addition, mastering terrain is vital. Placing your army on a slope allows units at the back to fire without putting holes in their comrades. The most anticipated addition to Empire is naval combat. These are wonderfully visceral, if slightly cumbersome. As there are fewer units to direct, you have greater
control over them, including the ability to manually fire cannon barrages that will decimate enemy ships when timed correctly. You can also command your crew to board opposing vessels. Directing a small fleet is relatively simple, but as both sides’ ships constantly weave between one another, controlling a navy of considerable size can become confus-
ing. However, this may be due to my own cack-handedness rather than any outstanding issues. Empire is one of the most finely tuned PC games released for some time, accessible to both newcomers to the series and hardcore fans with enough content to keep your eyes bloodshot for weeks.
'-#(. @kd[ (&&/
7gdX]jgZ aVjcX] + BVn# 9^hXdkZg :>;; Vi/
ZYÒab[Zhi#dg\#j`
9dWSf Ï^_e ^WShW fZW U[`W_S i[fZ kag Cdi]^c\ \Zih de^c^dch \d^c\ a^`Z V \ddY Òab# 6cY i]ZgZ gZVaan ^h cdi]^c\ WZiiZg i]Vc h]Vg^c\ i]dhZ de^c^dch l^i] V WjcX] d[ bViZh# HiVgi ndjg c^\]i dji l^i] dcZ d[ djg egZb^ZgZh VcY ndjÉaa hZZ i]Vi i]^h nZVg! lZÉkZ \di V adi d[ \Zi ndj iVa`^c\#
'-#(. @kd[ (&&/
7gdX]jgZ aVjcX] + BVn# 9^hXdkZg :>;; Vi/
ZYÒab[Zhi#dg\#j`
9dWSf Ï^_e ^WShW fZW U[`W_S i[fZ kag Cdi]^c\ \Zih de^c^dch \d^c\ a^`Z V \ddY Òab# 6cY i]ZgZ gZVaan ^h cdi]^c\ WZiiZg i]Vc h]Vg^c\ i]dhZ de^c^dch l^i] V WjcX] d[ bViZh# HiVgi ndjg c^\]i dji l^i] dcZ d[ djg egZb^ZgZh VcY ndjÉaa hZZ i]Vi i]^h nZVg! lZÉkZ \di V adi d[ \Zi ndj iVa`^c\#
Puzzles
Teasers
This Week's Horoscopes CRUNK JUICE
Jan 21—Feb 19
When did you last have a
tetanus jab? Your latent allconsuming passion for scrap metal and strong magnets may render a trip to your GP a necessity. Remember, just because you’ve got away with licking railings before, it doesn’t mean you’ll be so lucky next time. MUTUAL BEEJ
“
I'd just like to say I'm sailing with The Rock, and I'll be back like Independence Day, with Jesus June 6th. Like the movie, big mothership and all. I'll be back. "
Feb 20—Mar 20
Your mother called. She
left a message. Who’s Mr Smackabeds?
Susan Robinson squinted at the stars this week
CROCKETT & TUBBS May 22—June 21
You have a Peeping Tom. Actually, he’s called Brian. Give him something to talk about for once, will you?
PHTHIRUS PUBIS June 22—July 23
Do you ever feel like your
life is being written by Barbara Cartland? She’s dead now. Rebel, throw away the blue eye shadow and stop embarrassing your friends by wearing those neon pink suits. MUFASA July 24—Aug 23
Time to clean up your act,
BEHORN'D GREYHOUND Mar 21—Apr 20
You have a fancy dress party
coming up. Forget about going as Wonder Woman or Spartacus, few can pull off hot pants or togas. Save money and go as a duvet. The girls love that, and you’re sure to find your mattress. LAUGHING COW
Lay
even the mice are getting sick of you leaving halfeaten plates of food on your bedroom floor. Although they are still partial to your macaroni cheese, apparently it’s your signature dish, they request that you go easy on the mustard next time though.
Apr 21—May 21
off the pasties. You don’t have to keep Gregg’s in business by yourself. It is time to make use of that gym membership, you don’t want to end up in a pastry encrusted grave, do you?
WENCH Aug 24—Sep 23
It
will make sense when you get older, that’s a promise. Sometimes it helps to share problems, not yours though, you need the friends you’ve got. Be strong. Stop eating the Dentafix.
WEIRDBRA Sept 24—Oct 23
Ever thought about taking
up decoupage? It’s the obvious solution to the fact that your life is looking a more than a little two-dimensional at the moment. Sticky-back plastic is your new best friend. GET OVER HERE! Oct 24—Nov 22
The light bulb will blow in
your hall. Replace it with an energy-efficient one. Your carbon footprint is now a size four. You are truly on the path to enlightenment.
Hitori # 9
Puzzles
The object of Hitori is to eliminate numbers by shading in the squares such that remaining cells do not contain numbers that appear more than once in either a given row or column.
Sudoku # 9 Sudoku is a logic-based number-placement puzzle. The objective is to fill the 9×9 grid so that each column, each row, and each of the nine 3×3 boxes (also called blocks or regions) contains the digits from 1 to 9 only once.
2
5
4
8
5
1
7
1
5
5
4
7
4
8
5
2
5
2
5
3
1
9
6
4
7
8
2
1
8
2
6
3
4
3
5
3
5
4
5
5
2
6
3
8
9
8
7
2
7
4
7
5
1
3
9
8
7
1
6
8
5
9
1
3
2
7
8
9
1
3
1
7
5
4
2
9
1
9
6
5
8
3
2
1
4
6
3
4
2
2
1
2
7
3
5
1
4 3
3
7
4
4 9
4
5
3
5 2 7
3
5 9
2
5
Filled-in cells cannot be horizontally or vertically adjacent, although they can be diagonally adjacent. The remaining un-filled cells must form a single component connected horizontally and vertically (i.e there must be no isolated numbers).
JEFFREY Nov 23—Dec 21
You never did learn how
to wire a plug. Good, it’s a completely useless skill. Make your dad proud, take up figure-skating and knitting. You’ll discover there’s nothing more rewarding than wearing handmade leg-warmers.
ROUGH PAD - FOR YOUR ALL-IMPORTANT SUDOKO CALCULATIONS AND RAP LYRICS
SATAN Dec 22—Jan 20
Stop looking in the lonely
hearts columns. That 70year-old golf enthusiast will not be your sugar daddy. Visit your grandparents, they have stories to tell you. You’ll have heard them before but they might give you at least fifty pence. Be grateful.
No caption competition this week - just prizes
Not So Cryptic Crossword #9
Well, seeing as this is our last issue of the year, we figured there was no point in setting a caption competition. As a special treat, this week we've decided to cut to the chase and give you not one but SEVEN coupons for eternal glory. Give them to your nearest and dearest when you spend the money for their birthday presents on hookers and party hats. Please send any messages of gratitude to editors@ studentnewspaper.org with your credit card details in the subject line.
ACROSS 9 10 11 12 13 15 17 19 21 23 24 25 27 28 30 32 33
Leonardo da Vinci
Wife of one's son (8-2-3) Not the id (3) Um, just write 'Torksey' (7) Repose (4) e.g. sequioa (4) Fragrance (5) Parts of feet (7) Small assemblage (5) Street terrorised by Krueger (3) Ingredient in beer and bread (5) Late (7) Small fish (5) Links (4) Change this by deed poll (4) More than two (7) Adriatic, for example (3) Unpredictable (13)
DOWN 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 14 16 18
Challenging circumstances (9) Breathes fast and hard (5) Small serving of alcohol (4) Reduce (8) Ignominious failure (6) Booze addict (4) A profanity (9) Invented by Bell (5) Nuisances (5) Give consent (5) Deadlock (9)
Caption competition #6: Last week's winner 20 22 26 27 29
Soon (9) Automobile (5, 3) Critique (6) Succulent (5) Diminish (5)
30 Mathematical problems (4) 31 German song pioneered by Schubert (4)
Solutions
What's the matter? Can't stand the heat? Eh?! Don't worry, the answers are all here in tiny, inverted writing. The Student accepts no responsibility for strained eyes or neck injuries sustained by those too stupid to turn this page upside down.
This week's winner, Michael Hutson, swooped in at the last minute with "Ellie would never drink with the zoo guards again". Michael, you win because that was pure comedy gold. Definitely not just because you were the only one to enter, we swear. Enjoy your eternal glory - but don't mess yourself if you lose it, there's plenty of spares above. The Student has got your back.
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
30
sport@studentnewspaper.org
Sport
Formula One set to break new ground
Jon Parker looks at the exciting changes on the eve of the new Formula One season THIS WEEKEND the most eagerly anticipated Formula One season in a generation kicks off in Melbourne. There’s always hype surrounding a new F1 season but this year there’s extra reason to be excited. Not only will Britain’s Lewis Hamilton be beginning his title defence, but the most radical rule changes in 25 years are being introduced. Gone is the ’08 formbook: 2009 will be all about which teams best interpret the new regulations. So what’s changed? Well, slick tyres are back for a start, for the first time since 1997. These days, tyres are the biggest part of the design philosophy for engineers when constructing an F1 car. Losing the grooves means the new spec cars have to be built to cope with the subsequent lack of grip in the rear tyres. This year’s buzzword is KERS, which stands for Kinetic Energy Recovery System. The thinking behind it is that every time a driver brakes, kinetic energy is wasted as heat. KERS refers to any means of recovering this energy and using to give
a power boost to the driver. Hopefully, this will increase overtaking and enhancing the spectacle for the fans. The introduction of KERS has been dramatic because there are many ways of
“
Maclaren don't feel competitive enough to challenge for wins at the start of the season working it into the design of the new cars. The teams have spent all winter developing the technology, have all come up with different ideas. No one can be sure which is the most efficient until the opening race in Australia. Eight teams plan to use a battery system, whilst BMW have opted for a super-capacitor and Williams will pioneer a rotating flywheel method. Concern has
been raised over the safety of these systems, especially after a BMW mechanic received a large electric shock from one last year. Those problems seem to be ironout, but the devices are still unpredictable. In fact, Renault is the only team to have confirmed that they will be using KERS in Melbourne on Sunday. The cars look very different from last year as well. Some have said they're pretty ugly. The new look is because F1 2009 sees the biggest aerodynamics shake-up in years. In previous years, the downforce generated by the cars created a wake, meaning other cars were unable to follow too close behind: meaning that overtaking became a rare thing. Now, with front wings wider and lower to the ground than last year, rear wings narrower and higher and a ‘neutral zone’ in the centre of the mainplane which teams are not allowed to develop, it's hoped that this year's cars should be twice as easy to pass as their predecessors. Since these new rules were published,
DEFENDING CHAMPION: Lewis Hamilton will be hoping his McLaren will be ready for the first race of the season
the teams have all been frantically trying to find extra downforce using the ingenuity that only F1 engineers seem blessed with. Some of them will have got it right and some will have got it wrong - meaning that this year is anyone’s for the taking. Original thinking or lucky breakthroughs during the winter development period will be more crucial than before. Maybe Renault’s wide nose will prevail, maybe McLaren’s sidepod design. Testing so far has thrown up a few surprises. Notably McLaren have been vastly underperforming in recent tests and have admitted they don’t feel competitive enough for Hamilton and teammate Heikki Kovalainen to be challenging for wins at the start of the season. Ferrari look as solid as ever with Kimi Raikkonen and Felipe Massa looking to defend the constructor’s championship whilst BMW have been developing their car since early 2008 and are almost certainly in with a shout with Nick Heidfeld and proven race winner Robert Kubica. Renault retain Fernando Alonso and Nelson Piquet Jr will be hoping to hit the ground running after an exceptional end to their ’08 campaign and Toyota also need to build on a solid but not spectacular season. The story that’s had everyone talking over winter, however, is the fairytale that is Brawn GP. When Honda pulled out of F1 in December because of the global financial crisis, it looked like Jenson Button and Rubens Barrichello would be without a drive for 2009. Potential bidders to buy the team came and went, most notably Richard Branson’s Virgin group, but in the end it was team owner Ross Brawn who led a management buyout. Brawn, one of the key men behind Michael Schumacher’s glory days at Ferrari, seems to know what he’s doing. Since the announcement that Honda Racing would
be renamed Brawn GP for this year, the car has set a blistering, almost untouchable pace in testing. Cynics say that the team are deliberately running the car light on fuel to grab the headlines and attract much-needed sponsorship, but even so, their raw pace makes this team a real contender for victory on Sunday. How Honda must be kicking themselves... Furthermore, a return to the BBC means none of those pesky ad breaks and the comeback of the infamous Chain title sequence. Also, this year we’ll have access to far more data on screen: GPS positioning, pit stop predictors and driving lines comparison graphics should enhance the viewers’ enjoyment. All of this should make this season should be a thriller from start to finish.
Other F1 Landmarks 1950 - First F1 season. Juan Manuel Fangio and Alfa Romeo dominate the fifties
1978 - Business mogul Bernie Ecclestone becomes F1's president, and the sport becomes a billiondollar industry
2000 - F1 rules are overhauled to cut costs and stop manufacturers manipulating the results. The beginning of the Schumacher/Ferrari era.
Edinburgh kickboxers star at Meadowbank
Inter-club tournament proves a success for the home fighters, writes hard-man Sport Editor Martin Domin THE UNIVERSITY of Edinburgh Kickboxing Club emerged with great credit from their inter club tournament last weekend, winning eight weight categories. The club was hosting an interclub tournament for the first time in four years and welcomed fighters from Leeds and Newcastle Universities to Meadowbank Stadium. Featuring light continuous bouts of two two-minute rounds, the event began with the women’s middleweight category, which featured four fighters from the English clubs. Both semi finals were closely fought affairs but Anna Gamburg beat fellow Newcastle club member Jessica Newton before Emma Young of Leeds saw off Newcastle’s Mhairi MacDonald. Young had finished second in Leeds’ own tournament just one week previously but she was to go one better this time, defeating MacDonald to take first place. The other women’s category saw the heavyweight fighters take to the mats. The first fight was an all Edinburgh affair as the hard-hitting Kim Martin demonstrated her credentials by outbattling Philippa Franks. Both women were making their debuts, as was Daisy Costello - but her afternoon ended at the first hurdle as Leeds’ Kate Bielawska displayed a greater repertoire of shots. With Edinburgh’s Claire Holland and Claudia Bragman of Leeds receiving
byes into the semi finals, the last four line up saw Holland, another debutant face Bielawska while Bragman faced up to Martin. It was the two Edinburgh fighters who came through successfully to ensure that the host club was guaranteed success in the women’s division. The final proved to be a hard fought contest as Martin was warned several times for her hard hitting but ultimately kept her cool for long enough to seal Edinburgh’s first win of the afternoon. Attention then turned to the men’s lightweight category, which was to end with an all-Newcastle final. Richard Bruckner was the more aggressive and positive fighter as he defeated Edinburgh’s Mark Macgillivray while David McDonald joined his team mate in the final when he saw off Venkatesh Mallikarjun, also from the host club. The two Newcastle fighters served up a keenly fought final but ultimately it was Bruckner who came out on top. The men’s welterweight category saw four Edinburgh fighters compete along with a lonely Newcastle representative. The preliminary round saw Radek Ostrowski defeat fellow Edinburgh competitor Marcin Budziwojski but he was in turn beaten by JP Matthews from the English club. The other semi final saw the experienced Li Hin-Ho outpoint Paul Reynolds. The final proved to be a short-lived affair: Matthews caught
Hin-Ho with an illegal spinning back fist above the eye, which resulted in his disqualification and stitches for HinHo, who was then declared the winner. Edinburgh were to taste further success in the men’s middleweight category which was the most keenly fought of the afternoon. The home club however got off to a bad start as Michael Barry lost to Newcastle’s Nick Ellul but the second quarter final guaranteed Edinburgh progression as Luis Cebamanos overcame Dan Castro to set up a mouth-watering last four clash. Another two Edinburgh fighters came together for the third quarter final with the winner poised to meet Stuart Blackwood, who received a bye. The evenly matched Dale Stubbs and Lukasz Pokora served up an excellent fight but ultimately it was Pokora who edged narrowly through to the last four. With three Edinburgh fighters in the semi finals, hopes were high that further success was on the cards but these aspirations were dampened somewhat when Ellul squeezed past Cebamanos after another quality bout, this time in the middleweight division. Blackwood made his first appearance of the competition in the other tie and he impressed by reaching the final as he saw off Pokora. The final proved to be one of the highlights of the competition as both fighters displayed a high standard
of ability. There was little to choose between the competitors but it was Edinburgh’s Blackwood who took the judges decision. The men’s light heavyweight division featured fighters from all three clubs and Edinburgh got off to a promising start as Simran Grewal out fought Leo De Watts from Leeds. The semi finals both featured fighters from Newcastle and Edinburgh and the first contest saw Grewal take on Bonney, the former winning his second fight of the day to advance. Dit Wallabreque, meanwhile, was looking comfortable as he saw off Fahey in the other semi final, and it was the rangy Newcastle fighter who ultimately used his height advantage to prevaile in the final, earning his club their second trophy of the day. The penultimate category of the afternoon was the men’s heavyweight category, which was an all-Edinburgh affair. The first semi final was stopped inside the first round as Robert Heasley caught Tom Tarpey, and when the bleeding failed to stop inside the allotted 30 seconds, referee Gary Wilson called a halt to proceedings. It was an unfortunate end to what was shaping up to be an intriguing contest, but nevertheless it was Heasley who would go, somewhat fresh, into the final. The other last four ties saw James Buchanan take on Martin Domin and it was the
latter who managed to get the better of what was a closely fought contest. The final proved to be a hard-hitting affair with both fighters requiring treatment after being warned about excessive force. After several stoppages and an energy-sapping two rounds, Domin was given the judges decision and lifted the trophy. The final category saw the experienced middleweight fighters square up in what promised to be an intriguing finale. Both semi finals were won by fighters from Leeds as Earle Jamieson saw off Newcastle’s Sam Bhatt, while his team mate Oliver Michalakis progressed after beating Newcastle’s Graham Scholefield. This came despite the Leeds fighter recovering from being momentarily knocked out after Scholefield connected with a round house to the head. Michalakis fought on impressively but ultimately paid the price, as an injury to his jaw ruled him out of the final, which was conceded to Jamieson. Considering that most of the Edinburgh fighters were fighting for the first time, the success enjoyed in the various categories was highly impressive. With good quality fights on show from all three clubs, it proved to be an excellent showcase of the kickboxing talent from both sides of the border. For more information, visit www.uoekickboxing.co.uk
Contact the Sport section at: sport@studentnewspaper.org
Tuesday March 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org
Sport 31
Table tennis men find silver lining Simon Messenger reports from Sheffield as Edinburgh seal second place THE UNIVERSITY of Edinburgh’s men’s table tennis team reached the final of this years BUCS competition but had to settle for second place behind London Metropolitan who won the event for the third year in succession. The team, composed of Craig Howieson, Stewart Armitage, Allan Robic and Simon Messenger as they saw of Leeds in the semi final before their final defeat. The first two matches of the semi final saw Howieson and Armitage, despite a small scare for the latter who dropped his second set 11-9, set the tempo for the morning by giving Edinburgh a 2-0 lead. The next two matches, between Leeds’ top two seeds and Edinburgh’s bottom two seeds, should, theoretically, have seen Leeds catch Edinburgh up with ease. However, Robic, in excellent form despite reverting to his old counter-attacking style, was to create the first surprise of the day with a consistent mixture of back hand blocking and forehand top spin as he defeated Leeds’ second seed Alvin Lu in five close sets (-7, 4, 3, -15, 8). Edinburgh’s fourth seed Messenger wasn’t as successful against Leeds’ top seed Stephen Denny and lost in three sets (10, 13, 9) – in hindsight possibly a
wasted opportunity, meaning the score was 3-1 to Edinburgh at the end of the first set of fixtures. Howieson and Armitage then quickly gave Edinburgh a 5-1 lead by winning their two fixtures 3-0. However, with Robic losing in five sets to their top seed and Messenger, despite some arduous chopping, losing in four to their second seed the score at the halfway through the fixtures, was now 5-3 to Edinburgh. Leeds had one last hope of a comeback when Denny beat Armitage in three sets to bring the score back to 5-4 in Edinburgh’s favour but, following two more close 3-0 wins for Howieson, with his standard fatal looping forehands, against their second seed and Robic against their bottom seed, the English side’s hopes thinned. Messenger then suffered what was to be Edinburgh’s last defeat of the day to their third seed Chris Kendall in four sets. From there on, playing their respective seeds, Edinburgh dropped just three sets in their singles as they ran out comfortable 12-5 winners. In the other semi-final fixture, London Metropolitan comfortably beat the 2007 and 2008 runners-up Loughborough 9-2. London Metropolitan’s team was
made up of Po Hung Chen (British Universities Singles Champion 2009), Zhitao Jaing, Da Qing Tong and Ashley Willets – their fourth seed but still in the English Top 50. They ran into an easy and quick 2-0 lead with Chen beating Messenger and Jaing, attacking left, right and centre, running riot against Robic. Howieson, in typical fashion, was to keep his 100 per cent sets to love wins record in BUCS this season by rapidly beating Willets while Armitage, in what was to be by far the match of the final, was to come agonisingly close to what would have been the biggest win of his young career against London Met’s third seed Tong. With some nailbiting attacking, Armitage took a 2-0 lead by winning the first two sets 12-10 and 11-9 but, as he faltered slightly and Tong’s strength in depth kicked in, he was to lose the following two sets 11-8 and 11-3. In the fifth and final set Tong heartbreakingly won the set and match 13-11. Under the eyes of the Channel 4 cameras, Robic and Messenger weren’t to put up much of a resistance to Chen and Jaing in the next two fixtures. Chen beat Robic in three sets while Jaing beat Messenger, in his 130th and final British
Universities match after six years and 33 fixtures, in three sets. Howieson, despite some impressive attacking shots, then lost his first BUCS fixture to Tong while Armitage, despite throwing a 10-3 lead away, came from behind to beat Willets in five close sets. Halfway through the fixture, London Metropolitan were cruising and leading 6-2. All London Metropolitan now needed were three wins to gain their third BUCS title in a row and indeed they only required three more matches to achieve this feet. Howieson, who, of his own admission, was slightly under par, lost to Jaing whilst Armitage lost to Chen. The Championships were to be sealed by Willets who beat Robic and, with enough matches won and a missed train to catch, London Metropolitan decided to call it a day at 9-2. Allan Robic commented afterwards: “it was an honour to play such outstanding players, even though it demonstrated the gulf in standard between some of the best players in Europe and the best players in University table tennis” while Armitage and Howieson agreed. 18-year-old Stewart said “We lost to the best and were never going to beat them.”
Time to stand up and be counted
Martin Domin considers the contrasting fortunes of the British swimmers and track athletes AT THE turn of the century, the British Olympic swimming team returned from Sydney empty handed. Four years later they left Athens with two bronze medals before last year's impressive sixmedal haul in Beijing. If further proof were needed that Britain's swimmers have improved dramatically over the last decade was highlighted again last week when Jo Jackson broke the world record in the 400m freestyle event at the British Swimming Championships as she beat Olympic champion Rebecca Adlington (pictured right) into second place. Rewind back to 2000 and the British track athletes managed to accrue four medals including Darren Campbell's silver in the 200m and Denise Lewis' gold in the heptathlon. In Greece four years later, Kelly Holmes grabbed the headlines as she memorably won the 800m and 1500m double. Two other medals came in the shape of gold for the 4x100m men's relay team while perennial bridesmaid Kelly Sotherton took bronze in the heptathlon. Finally, in 2008, Tasha Danvers' bronze medal in the 400m hurdles and Christine Ohuruogu's gold in the 400m were all the track athletes had to
show f o r their efforts, despite the phenomenal success enjoyed across the board in other events. And had Ohuruogu's
lifetime Olympic ban not been controversially, overturned. The dramatic progress of Britain's swimmers has come just as their counterparts on the track have stalled. Take the golden quartet from Athens for example. Jason Gardner, Darren Campbell, Marlon Devonish and Mark Lewis-Francis stunned their rivals from the USA to take their place on the top rostrum of the medal podium. Jason Gardner and Darren Campbell retired from the sport before the Olympics last year while Mark Lewis-Francis was ruled out of last year's event by injury when reportedly in the form of his life. Marlon Devonish chose to concentrate on the 200m in China where he failed to reach the final while the 4x100m relay team were disqualified in the heats. Those who did represent Britain in the individual 100m failed to make it to the final with only Tyrone Edgar reaching the semi final stage. Simeon Williamson and Craig Pickering lost out in the second round. Although these three debutants can hardly have been expected to live with the stunning performances of Usain Bolt for example, this was the first time Great Britain had not had a finalist in the 100m since 1980. No discussion of Britain’s 100m runners is complete with mentioning Dwain Chambers. The returning drugs cheat stormed to the 60m indoor gold medal in the European Championships earlier this month, leaving Williamson and Pickering to finish fourth and fifth respectively, behind two Italians with 100m personal bests of well over ten seconds. Indeed, Pickering had come second in the same race two years earlier, another illustration of the lack of progress amongst Britain's sprinters. The only bright spot of the games was Mo Farah’s gold in the 3000m. After a winter spent training in Kenya, he ap-
pears to be the one athlete who has so far improved on his performances from last year. It is an unfortunate sign of the times that one of our most 'promising' athletes is a 30-year-old drugs cheat. UK Athletics have of course moved to halt the worrying slide by appointing Charles van Commenee as their new head coach. Having led Holland to their second best medal haul ever in Beijing, he was snapped up soon after when performance director Dave Collins stood down. The outspoken Dutchman has already said that he expects athletics to be the most successful sport for Britain in their home Olympics in London in three years time and there is little doubt that van Commenee will make his mark. He reduced Kelly Sotherton to tears in Athens when he said she should have won silver and not bronze but even she welcomed his appointment. It remains to be seen however whether even he can transform a rather ordinary looking set of athletes into world beaters. His arrival echoes that of swimming coach Bill Sweetenham in 2000. Another
controversial figure, the Australian was handed the task of reviving the fortunes of Britain’s ailing swimmers and did a sterling job before quitting in 2007 after being cleared of bullying a year earlier. Former American national team director Dennis Pursley is now in charge and early indications would certainly suggest that Britain will only go from strength to strength in the water. Britain’s swimmers, cyclists and rowers all led the way in Beijing and all three are examples of just what can be achieved with a lot of hard work. There is no doubt that it has taken a lot of time and a lot of money to get these athletes to the very top but the likes of Sir Chris Hoy or Sir Steve Redgrave did not get to where they are by luck or by funding alone. Their natural talent was harnessed and they were moulded into two of our country’s finest athletes and the same certainly cannot be said for our sprinters. Mark Lewis-Francis was junior world champion in 2000 but his personal best was set almost seven years ago in Paris. Having tested positive for cannabis in 2005 as well as missing two drugs test because his doorbell didn’t work, one has to question his commitment to the sport. There is a ray of hope however in the shape of Harry Aikines-Aryeetey (pictured left). Having completed a historic 100m and 200m double in the World Youth Championships in 2005 aged just 16, he was out of action for almost a year due to minor fractures in his spine. He returned last year with a personal best in the 100m of 10.10s and if his talent can be nurtured over the next three years, perhaps he can do what Lewis-Francis never did and turn potential into an Olympic medal. After all, London was awarded the games after the bid team promised to leave a lasting legacy. What better way to do that than to herald the triumphant return of Britain’s elite sprinters?
Injury Time TAKES A WRY LOOK AT THE WORLD OF SPORT
The Student emerges victorious from grudge match STUDENT 1887 retained bragging rights as they came from behind to beat their rivals FC Journal 8-5 in an entertaining clash in the Meadows last week. Having taken the dubious levels of fitness into consideration, the match was to consist of two half -our periods and the first of those was edged by FC Journal, who scored within seconds as 1887's goalkeeper Lyle Brennan nonchalantly chatted on his mobile. The Journal were never behind during the first 30 minutes
“
Having scored within seconds as The Student's goalkeeper Lyle Brennan nonchalantly chatted on his mobile, The Journal were never behind in the first half despite having only eight available players while The Student operated a less than structured rolling subs system having managed to accrue a 14 person strong squad. David Wagner, former sports and features editor, managed to score twice in the opening half, clawing back the half time deficit to 4-3. Student 1887 came flying out of the traps after the interval and were in front within minutes as Wagner notched his hat-trick. The Journal were unlucky to lose two of their best players at half time to a clashing fivea-side fixture, and ultimately The Student's numbers and class shone through as the goals kept coming. Only an injury to film editor Tom MacDonald dampened the spirits of the winning side as they began to attack with ease. Edinburgh University under-21 and sports columnist Ed Senior was a commanding presence in the second half, which saw The Student pull away, inspired by Ed Ballard's captaincy and Lyle Brennan's groinfirst heroism between the jumpers.
Sport
studentnewspaper.org Tuesday March 24 2009
Life in the fast lane Jon Parker previews the new Formula One season
P30
Edinburgh swim to BUCS silver medal Craig Meek reports on a successful weekend in the water for Edinburgh's swimmers LAST WEEKEND, EUSWPC rounded off a highly successful season with one of their best ever performances at the BUCS team finals. The swimmers came out on top, powering their way to snatch silver, while the men’s water polo team fought hard but unluckily ended up just outside a medal position in 4th place. The polo players kicked off the final stage of their long campaign against Bristol, narrowly going down 4-6 in a gritty match. The huge pool, measuring 30mx25m, was something that many of the players had to adapt to, as it demanded better awareness, more accurate passing, and of course better fitness. Edinburgh started well, diligently moving to 4-2 up at one stage. However, the sheer size of the pool meant that the offense were not pushing up towards the goal, which in turn meant that many of the attacking plays simply fizzled away and came to nothing. Despite heroic goalkeeping from Dave Armstrong, Bristol battled back, and after a few lucky refereeing decisions eventually won the match. The team got over the disappointment of this loss quickly, and turned out the next day ready to face favourites Manchester, who had demolished Cardiff 20-4 in their first match. Despite another strong start, the Edinburgh attacking plays again buckled, giving Manchester a number of counter-attacking advantages, which they almost always converted. Despite losing 12-4, the Edinburgh defence had done a good job, limiting the damage and putting them in a favourable position if they could beat Cardiff in their final match. Gold was now out of the question, but a win against their arch-rivals could still have landed Edinburgh silver. In a thrilling match, due to be featured on Channel 4’s ‘4Sport: Destination 2012’ series, there was some brilliant water polo played. Edinburgh found themselves 3-0 down after five minutes; after taking a timeout to rally, the offensive plays finally came together and they broke back into the game to bring it all square by half time. From then there was nothing more than a goal between the two teams for the rest of the match. Cardiff would pull one ahead with an immediate Edinburgh reply, and vice versa. Antonio Malfense Fierro scored twice in his last game for the team, converting from some fierce attacking teamwork. In an agonisingly close finish, captain James Scobie just missed a scoring
chance in the last second of the game, a chance which would have guaranteed Edinburgh a medal had it gone in. In the end, the score finished 9-9, which was unfortunately not enough. Regardless, the polo players have again cemented their position as one of the top British water polo universities, this being their second time in the finals in three years. From there it was over to the swimmers, who had high expectations after narrowly missing out on a medal last year. Points were awarded to each team depending on where they finished in a given race, and predictably
the highest tallies bagged the medals. Edinburgh hit the ground running, immediately establishing their presence as serious contenders. With the points being updated after every race, the team quickly swam into 2nd place and opened up a gap from Manchester in 3rd. Not to settle for silver, the race was on for gold against the swimming powerhouse of Loughborough. Judi Kilgallon brought the challenge to their doorstep with a superb 200m freestyle win in 2.04.10, as she came from behind to claw the victory away from Edinburgh’s rivals. Mark Jaggs put his performance squad training
to excellent use as he swept to victory in the 50 and 100m butterfly. Ross Johnston, another performance swimmer who had also played in all the water polo beforehand, dug deep to put solid points on the board in the individual medley and breaststroke events. By the middle of the afternoon, it was clear that the swimmers would gain a medal, albeit silver after Loughborough pulled too far ahead. Even though the job was done, the team revelled in the atmosphere and kept the foot on the gas, producing fast and impressive swimming right up until the last race. It topped off
TIME TO CELEBRATE: Edinburgh's swimmers in party mood after their silver medal success
a golden year for the club, with club president Chris Henning particularly pleased, “I am delighted at all the effort put in by everybody this weekend. It is a pity that the polo players just missed out on a medal, but their 4th placing combined with the swimmers’ 2nd is still an excellent result for the club. This is something we can only aim to build on next year”. Members of the swimming squad continued to compete after the BUCS finals, with several of them taking part in the British trials for this year’s World Championships in Rome.