Week 7 - S2 - The Student - 20082009

Tuesday February 24 2009 | Week 7

studentnewspaper.org

Performance Enhancing Drugs F E AT U R E S

S I N C E 1887

P13

LIFESTYLE

P16

Essay deadlines get the Bauer treatment

Che: Part 2

FILM

P17

T H E U K ' S O LD E S T S T U D EN T N EW S PA P ER

Apathy mars General Meeting Motion to switch to online referenda unable to pass

Neil Pooran THIS YEAR’S Student’s Association General Meeting again failed to reach quorum, with several reforms to the institution failing to be passed.

Students present at the meeting nevertheless voted in favour of motions including online referendums to replace the general meetings, having free squash courts in the Centre for Sport and Excellence, and having birth dates on matriculation cards.

Roughly 200 students turned up at the start of the meeting, falling short of the 300 required to officially pass motions. A steady stream of people leaving the lecture theatre meant that even fewer were present for the end of the meeting, with the hall left mostly empty.

Adam Ramsay’s proposal to replace the voting power of the General Meetings with a system of online referenda was passed without any opposition. The Annual General Meeting will still be held as usual next academic year, but Ramsay said the vote would 'send a message to next year’s sabbaticals' to reform the system next term.

Ramsay then took the controversial decision to skip votes on two more constitutional amendments, including one relating to the ‘save the King’s Buildings bar’ campaign, due to them being ‘too boring to debate’. With 10 motions to get through Ramsay wanted to move on to more controversial issues yet several students were left confused about the future of the bar.

A motion to push for lower gym booking prices passed narrowly with 77 to 63 votes in favour of the motion.

Membership fees for the Centre for Sport and Excellence have gone up 20% recently, but Sports Union President Joe Gray argued the extra money was worth it for improved facilities.

As is customary in spring General Meetings, several candidates for the EUSA Presidency proposed motions.

Oliver Mundel proposed a ‘fairer fees for

medical students’ motion, Liz Rawlings called for improved academic feedback, and Thomas Graham successfully proposed to have EUSA acquire a minibus for societies.

The King's Building's bar motion was brought forward due to Edinburgh's licensing board requesting for EUSA's contitution to be changed in order for the bar to keep its license. The bar will not close immediately, but another motion will have to be brought to the next General Meeting on the same issue.

On the lack of turnout, EUSA VicePresident for Academic Affairs Guy Bromley said: “I think everyone is disappointed by the lack of attendance at the EUSA General Meeting last Wednesday. We really hoped that with ten very relevant, interesting and important motions, alongside a lot of publicity about the GM, we would buck the trend of the past decade and achieve quoracy, as in the November AGM." "One of the motions brought to the GM would have introduced online referendums, allowing more students to engage with political debate on campus without having to drop their normal evening activities but without the necessary quoracy we of course were unable to bring forward this very necessary democratic innovation.

The fact is, many of EUSA’s structures predate the internet and mobile age, and so they are designed for an era when political debate could take place only in a meeting room or lecture theatre. Nowadays, that debate happens on a more continual basis, and we need to change to reflect this.

Next year’s sabbaticals and the student body at large need to make sure that the November AGM is well attended if they wish to see change to this element of EUSA democracy, which if passed would finally put a stop to the inevitable disappointment that people feel about this time of the year.”

Dozens of Student's Association seats go uncontested:Page 4 >>

DIEHARD FANS: Students gradually trickled out during the three-hour meeting

Recession hits university hardship funds James Ellingworth MORE SCOTTISH students than ever are using hardship funds to cope in the current financial climate – except at Edinburgh, where the number receiving aid from the emergency funds is down on last year.

Edinburgh is the only Scottish university to have experienced a fall

in the number of awards made from hardship funds, although the total sum paid out so far this year is up four percent on last year’s figures.

The University insists that there has been no change to the criteria under which money is awarded from the funds.

The data, revealed in a survey conducted by the Scottish Labour Party, showed a 25 percent increase

in the number of awards at Glasgow University, and a 19 percent rise at Dundee University.

Of the 11 universities surveyed, most blamed the increases in demand on the credit crunch, changes to the Scottish student funding system and employers cutting back on the number of part-time jobs for students.

Continued on page 4 »

LYLE BRENNAN

Barely 100 out of University's 24,000 students present by end of the meeting

Tuesday February 3 2009 studentnewspaper.org

news@studentnewspaper.org

2

NEWS »p1–6

»

EDINBURGH IS 'UK'S BEST STUDENT CITY' p4 City comes joint top in poll to find Britain's best student city

EUSA ELECTIONS ROUND-UP p5

The Student sums up the developments as the various presidential candidates jostle for position

INCOMPETENT STUDENT FORGER FINED p6

University of Edinburgh student fined £100 for trying to spend a photocopied £10 in Espionage nightclub

COMMENT »p7–9

A DEBATE OF BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS p7

Susan Robinson argues that knowledge of the Bible is key to understanding Western culture

ARE SCOTS TO BLAME FOR THE CREDIT CRUNCH? p7-8

Calum Leslie examines the thorny issue of national identity in recession Britain

ARTS & FEATURES »p13– 24 BABY OF THE HOUSE: The Student interviews the UK's youngest MP p15

PHARMACEUTICALLY FOCUSSED p13 John Sannaee probes the murky world of brain-boosting study drugs

BLOOD, SWEAT AND CAFFEINE p16

Need to write an essay in 24 hours? Lyle Brennan can tell you how to get the job done - but can't guarantee you'll feel well afterwards

VIVA LA REVOLUCION! p17

Reviews of this week's films, including Che: Part Two, Gran Torino and Push

SPORT »p26–28 PUNCH-DRUNK p26

Michael Klimes assesses Joe Calzaghe's career - one hell of a boxer, but is he an all-time great?

TESTING TIMES p27

Test match cricket is being ousted by younger, leaner variants of the game. David Wagner fights back.

The Student Newspaper | 60 Pleasance, Edinburgh EH8 9TJ Email: editors@studentnewspaper.org.

UCAS applications surge as recession bites Jordan Campbell APPLICATIONS TO study at the University of Edinburgh have increased by 4 per cent during 20082009, according to statistics released

by UCAS. This is slightly below an overall increase in applications to Scottish institutions of 5.7 per cent and UK wide increase of 7.8 per cent.

The increases have been attributed to the onset of recession within the UK, with past trends showing similar increases at times of economic downturn.

The 5 per cent rise across Scotland shows a 3.5 per cent increase in school leaver applicants, a 12 per cent increase for school leavers and notably a 14 per cent rise in the number of international applications. Dundee University saw the highest increase with applications up by 16.5 per cent, with Glasgow University on 14.3 per cent.

The applications data also revealed that Law remains the most popular subject of study, while there were also significant increases in economics and science based subjects. Notably there was a 29 per cent increase in applications to study Japanese.

Commenting on the current economic context to these increases, a spokeswoman for Universities Scotland stated, “During times of economic difficulty, people tend to turn to education because other options in the jobs market are restricted,”.

It seems that this thinking could explain the 12 per cent increase in applications from mature students as they try to gain advantage in an in-

ONWARDS AND UPWARDS: More applicants will mean more future graduates creasingly difficult job market.

The Universities and College Union reacted to the news by stating that “education must be at the heart of any government plans to improve social mobility and help the country in tough economic times.”

Speaking to the Student on the implications of increased applications, Tony Axon of UCU Scotland said, “Applications and indeed admission to Scottish Universities have been going down leaving some institutions under recruiting, so I'm not sure there is an intervention on student numbers required just yet.”

The Scottish Government have

claimed the figures are a vindication of their policies, with Education Minister Christina Secretary MSP saying, “The SNP Government's support for students and higher education is beginning to repair the damage done by years of Labour misrule by reinstating education based on the ability to learn, not the ability to pay.”

Scottish Labour education spokeswoman Claire Baker MSP told the Student, “The general media reported these statistics as an increase in mature students and highlighted concerns over job insecurity leading to an increase in numbers which I think is more accurate than the SNP's claims.”

Counter-terror plans anger Islamic students Rachel Hunt ISLAMIC STUDENTS have expressed concerns over reports of proposals for major changes to the UK’s counter-terrorism strategy.

Information leaked to the press last week has led to claims that the plans, known as Contest 2, will broaden the classification of an extremist to include anyone whose views do not correspond to the government definition of shared British values.

Extremism would consequently encompass such standpoints as the advocating of a pan-Islamic state, the failure to condemn the killing of British soldiers and a belief in armed resistance, such as attacks by Palestinian groups against Israeli troops.

In response, the Federation of Student Islamic Societies (FOSIS) has posted a press release detailing their fears that such a development would have ‘a detrimental effect on the Muslim community and would classify many Muslims as extremists’.

FOSIS spokesman Quasim Rafiq said, "The labelling of those individuals who hold what are deemed to be controversial views as extremist, muddy the water and undermine efforts to

tackle the extreme ideology that lead to the tragic events of 7/7”.

Currently the official Home Office counter-terrorism strategy, Contest, is run on the principles of ‘Prevent, Pursue, Protect and Prepare’.

“

It is crucial that we as a society discuss and debate controversial ideas across a whole range of issues in a balanced and just way, as opposed to shunning those who hold or advocate them.”

Statement from the Federation of Student Islamic Societies,

The Prevent strand is concerned with tackling of the radicalisation of individuals. Government action is primarily focused on combating inequalities and racism, deterring those who facilitate terrorism and ‘engaging in the battle of ideas by challenging the ideologies that extremists believe can

justify the use of violence’.

The new proposals, due to be unveiled next month, suggest that this ‘battle of ideas’ would extend beyond targeting just those who support violent extremism.

Even if their comments remain within the law, implications that Islam and the West are incompatible would leave a speaker at risk of becoming sidelined and being denied public funds.

Many feel that radical Islamic views, such as the belief that Muslims should not vote, the promotion of Sharia law and condemnation of homosexuals, are the root cause of the terrorism threat that Britain faces.

FOSIS believes that this attitude will only alienate British Muslims and deems the proposed plans counterproductive: “There is little or no evidence to suggest that these views lead to violent extremism.

It is crucial that we as a society discuss and debate controversial ideas across a whole range of issues, in a balanced and just way, as opposed to shunning those who hold or advocate them."

The Home Office has refused to comment on leaked documents.

BEN WERDMULLER

What’s in this issue

Tuesday February 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org

news@studentnewspaper.org

News 3

City trams project comes to a grinding halt over £80m demand THE CONSTRUCTION of the controversial dinburgh tram system was dealt a further blow last week after the company due to lay track on Princes Street raised its costs by £80 million, leading to a halt in construction.

Laying of the track had been due to start on Saturday, but German company Bilfinger Berger claims that the extra sum, in addition to the £150 million it is already being paid, is required due to delays in earlier stages of the work, which has resulted in the complete closure of Princes Street until November.

David Mackay, chairman of Transport Initiatives Edinburgh (TIE), the company overseeing the construction of the trams, said TIE had been forced to stop construction after the consortium working on the project, including Bilfinger Berger, had introduced 'unacceptable conditions' on the work.

The consortium of Bilfinger Berger and German electronics company Siemens was praised as 'world class' and 'best placed to meet Edinburgh's high expectations' by TIE when they were selected for the project in 2007.

Organisations including the Scottish Public Transport Association and green transport pressure group Transform Scotland have called on the Scottish Government to suspend the company's £340 million contract for the M80 road repair deal in response.

The story took a further twist when it emerged that Bilfinger Berger had recently lost £80 million on a project to bold a new road in Norway – the same amount it is now demanding for the work on the trams project.

Cllr Steve Cardownie, SNP deputy leader of the city council, has said he believes there is a 'connection' between

DERAILED: A scale model of one of the trams that will eventually run on Princes Street is delivered for a launch event to celebrate the first track being laid. This has now been postponed indefinitely following a dispute over payment. the loss on the Norwegian project and the latest demand.

A spokesman for Bilfinger Berger said: “As the client failed to meet contractually agreed conditions and as no agreement has been reached on the resulting additional costs, construction work in Princes Street cannot yet commence.” The company refused to comment on the allegations of a link

to losses incurred on the Norwegian project.

Des McNulty, transport spokesman for Scottish Labour, said: “Taxpayers have a right to accept that contracts signed in good faith will be honoured, without more money being demanded from the public purse.”

Despite the fact that no construction work will take place until the

dispute is resolved, which may take some time given the likelihood of legal action, Princes Street will continue to be closed to all traffic.

Previous delays to the trams scheme have resulted in angry scenes between workers and local traders worried about loss of revenue due to road closures, including one incident in October 2008 that ended in a mass brawl after work-

ers attempted to break up a traders' 'birthday party' for a hole in the road.

The tram project, worth a total of £512 million, has already been scaled back due to the financial turmoil, with the planned 'phase 1B' spur from Haymarket to Granton shelved for the forseeable future to conserve funds for the main line to Edinburgh Airport.

Major crackdown on Edinburgh drug gangs

DIVIDING LINE: Police hope that the latest raids will prove a turning point in the fight against drugs in Edinburgh.

JULIA SANCHES

Sarah Morrison POLICE HAVE recovered over £200,000 worth of cocaine and ecstasy off the streets of Edinburgh as part of their investigation into organised crime groups established across the city.

As part of Operation Deliver, Lothian and Borders Police have so far raided 20 houses and have so far detained over 14 suspects who were due to appear at Edinburgh Sheriff Court last week.

More than 100 officers, including CID detectives and specialist support units, were involved in the Operation Deliver raids, which also recovered around £16,000 in cash thought to be related to money laundering offences.

The Senior Investigating Officer, Detective Superintendent David Bul-

len, said the results so far had made a significant inroad into “a crime group operating at a significant level in our force area.”

“Lothian and Borders Police is committed to tackling those organised criminals who pose a serious threat to our communities,” Bullen said.

“These serious and organised crime groups use intimidation and violence to support their criminal activities and it is vital that the police continue to use all available methods to disrupt those activities.”

The raids are the result of a yearlong evidence gathering operation, which is said to be part of a wider strategy using 'innovative' investigation techniques to tackle organised crime.

According to Lothian and Borders Police, the offensive will continue

to target those who sell drugs and those who profit from the proceeds of crime.

“The recovery of these items should send a clear message to Edinburgh's criminal underworld that their illegal activities will not be tolerated and that we will swiftly look to strip them of their ill-gotten gains to re-invest in our communities,” said Detective Chief Superintendent Malcolm Graham, head Lothian and Borders CID. According to Bullen, significant resources have been used to develop Operation Deliver and the support of the community is required to ensure future success.

“We have been reliant on the assistance of partners and members of the public for which I am grateful and I would ask that this assistance continues,” he said.

CALUM TOOGOOD

James Ellingworth

Tuesday February 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org

news@studentnewspaper.org

News

Edinburgh tops student cities list

IN

Brief

Atheist students go nationwide ATHEIST STUDENT socieities have formed the first national atheist student federation.

The National Federation of Atheist, Humanist and Secular Student Societies launched last Thursday, calling itself the 'anti-God squad', with support from several high profile non-believers.

The federation will campaign against privileges for religious groups and aims to boost public understanding of science.

Chloe Clifford-Frith, the federation's media officer, said: "We live in a world where religious governments execute adulterers and homosexuals, deny women and minority groups basic freedoms, and circulate fraudulent claims about contraception and scientific research.

"We are privileged, in such a world, to live in a country where we can even have this debate and, as such, we have a duty to bring it into our universities and beyond."

JE

Police to offer laptop tracking devices FOLLOWING A recent spate of laptop thefts, police in Northern Ireland plan to issue free tracking devices to students.

Police hope that the devices will allow them to track the movements of any stolen laptop, and hopefully boost the low recovery rate for stolen goods.

Nora Duncan, president of the University of Ulster students' union, said: "We would welcome any effort being made to help students keep their property safe.

"We already work closely with the police on a number of issues and will inform our students about this particular scheme when more information becomes available."

JE

Students set to help African humanitarian projects STUDENT ORGANISATION First-Aid Africa has reported an unprecedented number of participants in its humanitarian projects from Edinburgh based Universities, with over 75 volunteers from the Universities of Edinburgh, HeriotWatt, Queen Margaret and Napier.

Students are trained by the British Red Cross to distribute equipment and First Aid training to schools and orphanages in remote communities in East Africa, which often have limited to no access to hospitals or emergency medical care.

Project Coordinator Sam Abrahams said, “With more than 75 Edinburgh based volunteers travelling with the project this year, we are seeing a huge boost in applications from students in the city.

The training provided by the British Red Cross provides all students involved with an internationally recognised qualification as well as the opportunity to volunteer within Edinburgh before they travel to Africa in the summer.”

MW

FRANCESCA MARE

4

ALL ROUND EXCELLENCE: Edinburgh has been rated one of the Britain's best student cities in a recent survey Sophie Brayne EDINBURGH HAS come out on top in a search for the best university cities in the UK. In a review carried out by accommodationforstudents.com, 38,000 undergraduates were asked to rate the quality of five aspects of their city from one to ten: night life, shops, transport links, community atmosphere and facilities.

Edinburgh, along with Glasgow, Dundee, Aberdeen, Newcastle, Manchester and Sheffield reached the top

10, all with 62% satisfaction.

This result follows a survey conducted by Cushman and Wakefield Real Estate Solutions in 2008 naming Edinburgh ‘Britain’s greenest city’.

Guy Bromley, EUSA Vice President of Academic Affairs, told the Student: “one of the best things about Edinburgh is that it’s a capital city with all the benefits of London but without the negatives.”

He added that friendliness and close proximity to ‘beautiful countryside’ makes a ‘massive difference’.

Bromley did comment however that Edinburgh housing needed improve-

Who wants to be a EUSA hack ? No-one James Ellingworth APATHY TOWARDS student politics has again become a key feature of the EUSA elections, as a lack of candidates means that of 126 positions, only 41 will be filled by contested elections – one less than the number without any candidates.

The situation, which leaves postgraduate students in particular severely under-represented with only three candidates for 15 available seats after nominations closed on Thursday, has been branded 'disappointing' by senior EUSA figures.

3 candidates for 15 EUSA postgraduate seats

Despite a high-profile poster campaign urging students to stand, even senior positions such as Societies' Convenor, Accommodation Officer and Postgraduate Convenor will be filled by uncontested elections.

There are no candidates for the posts

of Community Officer and Schools and Induction Officer, which will go to byelections in October, when the vacant postgraduate representative seats may also be filled.

Only five students are standing for 17 available seats for representatives from the Law School, with the positions of President, Vice-President, Secretary and Treasurer all left vacant.

This year's situation is a slight improvement on 2008, in which only 29 seats were filled by elected representatives, but is unlikely to be welcomed by EUSA figures, especially since it comes in the same week as an inquorate General Meeting.

One leading student politician told the Student: “After the effort we've put into trying to get people to stand we're disappointed. It needs to be better.

“I'd like to see many more contested elections, because they increase the validity of student representation, and allow candidates a platform put forward their vision for their position to the electorate. " There are a low number of postgraduate representatives, which although higher than last year, is still a disappointing result. Having said that, postgraduates will not go unrepresented; the current cohort of 17 postgraduate reps will continue in their current positions until the summer, and many more postgraduate reps are likely to be recruited in the October by-elections."

ment, making it more affordable and reducing some of the ‘tension’ that exists between residents and students.

Furthermore, he believed installing more cycle paths and cutting bus fares for all students, including mature students, would help to enhance Edinburgh’s reputation as a University city.

Indeed, northerners were voted more ‘helpful, warm and welcoming’ in a poll conducted by hotel chain Best Western in September 2008.

Lucy Wilkinson, a second year Biology student, commutes from her New Town flat to King’s Buildings each morning by car. She says “although

Edinburgh is manageable in terms of its size, I’ve found the bus is more expensive and sometimes unreliable”.

She adds that sharing the cost of a car with fellow students makes for a more ‘hassle free’ journey.

Edinburgh city council has recognised the ‘unprecedented growth’ of journeys being made by car as well as the need for a more advanced and affordable transport network.

The council believes that new tram routes, cycle paths and the possible return of a controversial congestion charging scheme originally voted down in 2005 will improve the situation.

Probe reveals uses of Scottish University hardship funds Continued from front page Gurjit Singh, president of NUS Scotland, called for more government help for students: "As this recession bites, students are finding it increasingly difficult to access commercial credit and it is putting a lot of pressure on those who have previously relied on it to make ends meet. It is time for the government to act."

“

Hardship funds across Scotland are severely under-funded.”

Claire Baker,Scottish Labour higher education spokeswoman,

Claire Baker, Scottish Labour spokeswoman on higher education, told the Herald: “These responses show that hardship funds across Scotland are seriously under-funded to meet the demand they face from students across Scotland.’“However, rather than make efforts to reduce the levels of student hardship, this SNP government has actually made matters worse.”

EUSA vice-president Guy Bromley has called on the University to publicise the availability of hardship funds, say-

ing: “I think it unlikely that the downward trend in applications for financial hardship funds reflects a reduction in need.

“It is imperative that the University makes the criteria clear under which funds would be released, and publicises these widely, so that no student has to struggle to get through their degree because of a lack of money.”

Baker said that student were under pressure due to recent changes made by the Scottish Government to meanstested student support, combined with efficiency cuts that she claimed would mean £12.5 million budget cuts.

Gurjit Singh, president of NUS Scotland, called for more government help for students: "As this recession bites, students are finding it increasingly difficult to access commercial credit and it is putting a lot of pressure on those who have previously relied on it to make ends meet. It is time for the government to act."

The Scottish Government is currently hosting a consultation on how to spend the £30 million in student support funding left over from the previous budget, and is considering proposals including larger bursaries for poorer students, and the novel idea of giving every Scottish student a £500 lump sum.

news@studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday February 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org

News 5

Five candidates compete for EUSA Presidency We have A sneaky peak at what this year's candidates will be gunning for if they're elected. (nb: these are not complete manifestos, so check the relevant websites and facebook groups for detailed lists of policies. oh, and they all want a 24-hour library.)

Thomas graham

oliver mundell

Liz rawlings

benedict robbins

james rodger

Increase KB shuttle bus capacity

Director of Studies-led feedback

A KB bus stop in Marchmont:

Peer Mentors

Party-politics free EUSA

Thomas Graham said: “If you’ve ever used the KB bus in the mornings, at lunchtime or in evenings you’ll know how badly we need another bus at peak times. If I’m elected as your president I will increase the capacity at peak times by at least 25%. Because Lothian buses have extra capacity due to reducing their routes, I’ll negotiate an extra bus in the mornings, at lunchtimes and in the evenings. If that isn’t successful, I’ll work with a third-party to provide a minibus at these times."

"Every year candidates pay lip service to saving or improving the KB Bus. I’m putting forward a plan that is achievable and affordable and if elected I’ll deliver it."

This policy will include an optional review of exams with course staff for all students. Mundell also hopes to have more past papers and example essays published online. Mundel also hopes to achieve more regular DOS meetings for all students.

Rawlings says: "I spent last week in Kings Buildings and talking to students there it would benefit them greatly if at certain times of the day the KB bus stopped in Marchmont. Students from Marchmont are paying to use the 41 rather than using the University bus designed for their use."

Robbins told The Student: “We have some kinds of peer mentoring but they’re not universal to all schools. I want to implement a peer mentoring scheme where each year there are four guys in the year above who you can call or email to talk about your course, your future, or maybe internships. Other people who’ve gone through the same experience have more wisdom than you do. ”

James believes personal political intrests should have no place in EUSA, and has already set up a seeminglyunsuccessful Facebook group to have his rival candidates give up their own party affiliations. He says he would have 'all elected EUSA representatives announce and suspend their political affiliations for the duration of their term in office.'

Energy-efficient Flats

Mundell will challenge the University to meet the University of London's accommodation prices. He will also moot for fee light bulbs for students and more deposit protection schemes.

Tom'll work with Edinburgh landlords to help make your flat greener. www.thomasgraham.net

Fairer funding Mundell has echoed Rector-elect Iain Macwhirter's call for a £7,000 minimun guarantee for students. He will also push to have an application website for University bursaries and campaign for fairer fees for medics.

Cheaper Accommodation

Centralised SAGE office: Rawlings said: "This current economic crisis means that more students will need to find work to complement their studies. A centralised careers office for part-time and semester work will make it easier for students to find part-time jobs. SAGE is a great service but it needs a walk-in office to offer friendly, personable advice for students looking to make money to complement their studies." www.lizrawlings.co.uk

www.olivermundell.com

Who'll be able to hack it?

Joshua King CAMPAIGNING FOR the 20092010 EUSA Presidency is in full swing, with a fifth candidate entering the race.

Benedict Robbins, an unknown in EUSA circles, declared his candidacy at the last minute.

A Geo-physics student, Robbins has said he has a religious inspiration to lead the students of Edinburgh University, and says he will ‘bring a new flavour’ to student politics.

How successful this strategy will be in a race followed chiefly by ‘insiders’ remains to be seen.

Robbins, who has almost never attended any EUSA committees or meetings, has thrown up the question of experience - the candidates have all had some, but whose is most relevant?

The Student asked current Student’s Association External Convener Thomas Graham how important the varying levels of political experience that the candidates have will be on election day: “It’s really easy to promise things in elections, but it’s another thing actually doing things once you’re elected.

“Experience is about getting the job done and I’m extremely proud of my record over the past two years. For example - it wasn’t easy getting the main library opening hours extended until midnight, it took a lot of hard work, but I know that it puts me in the best position to deliver a 24-hour library.

“To be honest, I’m not sure that (my experience) will make a massive differ-

ence to me in the election, but I know that it will make a massive difference to my ability to do the job if I am elected.”

He went on to say, “It’s not good enough to just sit on loads of committees, doing nothing.”

This is perhaps a veiled criticism of his opponent, Oliver Mundell, who cites his positions on the Finance Committee, Committee of Management and the EUSA CO Board of Directors among his achievements.

But the Mundell campaign highlights the breadth of involvement he has had campaigning on issues - he “ensured 24 hour access to condoms at Pollock halls,” “campaigned Against ID Cards” and “lead the student campaign to save Rainy Hall.”

James Rodger - who has faced criticism that he holds less political experience than his opponents - gave a strongly worded statement to the Student: “If I claimed every petition I signed was a political success I probably wouldn’t be getting asked this question; I get the impression some of the other candidates are claiming credit for projects that hundreds of people were involved in and that they weren’t necessarily the architect of.

“Running EUSA is not about being a component part of change so much as it is leading change – that is where I succeed,” he continued, “It certainly won’t bode well for the smooth and effective running of the Unions (and the many external bodies EUSA deals with) if the President claims all the credit for everything they’ve been vaguely ‘involved’ with.”

“As convenor of the Debates Union, I have doubled membership, tripled the number of university-wide events, got more guest speakers in than ever before, tripled the number of external competitions that we hold and have increased projected income by over 100% from the previous 5 years.

“What I have got is good experience of delivering promises, getting the best from a team and keeping my eye on several projects at once.”

Liz Rawlings - a former editor of the Student – says she has campaigned through both journalism and activism on issues such as HMO quotas, equality and the environment.

She said: “Experience in EUSA is not adequate experience to represent students because as last week’s inquorate EUSA General Meeting demonstrated, EUSA are not in touch with the average student.

“I hope to open up the students’ association and make it more representative of the larger student body rather than just a small minority.

“I hope the Student’s readers will get in touch and tell me what I can do to help their own education experience.”

Though it is not yet clear how the varying levels of experience our candidates have will affect the election, what is certain is that all the candidates have something contribute to EUSA. Voting will take place online on 4 Wednesday and 5 Thursday of March - manual polling stations will also be available during these days at both Potterrow and King’s Buildings.

Make a Difference Day

Create a EUSA Bookshop A EUSA run book exchange will aim to save students money by allowing them to buy and sell second-hand books more easily. It will be advertised online.

This scheme will aim to get thousands of students to help improve a deprived part of Edinburgh. He said: “Actively participating in the community is vital.

I think we should be the role models…

We could go and actively reform part of a deprived area. I’m talking about painting, getting involved in the community and just being there, acting like role models and forming links”

By cutting queues as much as he can and providing an awning and heating, James hopes to spruce up Big Cheese.

No website for this candidate... yet

www.jamesrodger.org

Neil Pooran

non-mainstream music nights to be made available.

He sees alcoholism and the credit crunch as two of the major problems facing society today, and has a burning ambition to improve students'image in the community.

Robbins, who was encouraged to run

by Gabe Arafa, an unsuccessful outsider candidate from last year's election, also makes much of his method of researching student opinion, mostly chatting to students in the street at night.

“I’ll never implement something which people don’t suggest to me… I’m an ordinary student chasing an extraordinary vision.” he said.

Bringing back EUSA magazine Hype and having a set of ‘landlord busting’ lawyers on hand are also on his manifesto.

Improve Potterrow nights

Who is Benedict Robbins?

Eleventh-hour candidate Benedict Robbins has entered the race with no experience in formal student representation.

He is further marked out from his rival candidates by his strong willingness to talk about his Christian faith and how it has motivated him to make a bid for the Presidency.

"My faith is the thing which drives me. I'm not going to be preaching to people but I believe the President should lead by example" he told the Student.

The former rapper and one-time amateur boxer is putting ‘promoting diversity and freedom of choice’ high up his agenda, and will be pushing for more non-alcoholic entertainment and

Tuesday February 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org

6

news@studentnewspaper.org

News

Troubled Caltongate development under further pressure

NSS mess costs University dearly

WASTELAND: The site of the troubled Caltongate development Anna MacSwan THE CONTROVERSIAL Caltongate development scheme looks increasingly unsteady amid fresh criticism from Unesco, while the developer behind the project has become yet another victim of the economic downturn.

Accounts for Mountgrange real estate group have shown a loss of £24.3 million in the year to 31 March 2008, in addition to £51 million of debts to various creditors.

This has resulted in delays while the company searches for tenants to pre-let space in an effort to raise money for construction.

The £300 million Caltongate scheme would see the construction of a five star

hotel and conference centre between Waverley Station and the Canongate.

Though expected to create about 2,000 jobs, the project would destroy two listed buildings. Concerns have been raised about disturbing the scale aesthetic of Old Town, which holds was awarded the prestigious World Heritage status.

Though Edinburgh has been assured of its title following an investigation, a new report by Unesco has criticized the city council for having approved the project without making adequate changes to the development plan in light of protests over the development.

Jim Lowrie, the city council head of planning, said: "[The report] does criticise us over the Caltongate development. We are going to have to look at that before we respond in detail."

FLICKR: SUBBERCULTURE

Anne Miller

The Save Our Old Town campaign described Mountgrange’s financial distress as a “window of opportunity for city planners and the council to reconsider their stand on how the New Street Site is to be developed.”

Spokeswoman Sally Richardson said "Since this site is unlikely to be developed for the next few years, we would like to see the council encourage some kind of temporary use, such as community allotments or a new park."

Professor Robert Morris, lecturer at the University of Edinburgh, said: “Proposals ignore the scale of the surrounding area, a dominant part of the city landscape which the development is too big for, in addition to Edinburgh’s often overlooked industrial and craft history."

FINAL YEAR students at the University of Edinburgh are taking longer to reply to the National Student Survey (NSS) than previous years, which is resulting in higher costs for the University as it is charged for every reminder sent.

The NSS, the only UK-wide survey of student opinion, has been conducted annually since 2005. The survey is seeking the views of final year undergraduates who will be asked 22 questions about their university experience.

At this point last year, 35 per cent of eligible students from the University of Edinburgh had completed the survey whilst the equivalent figure this year is only 24 per cent. The survey is administrated by Ipsos MORI, an independent research agency which aims to have at least a 50 per cent response rate.

The NSS website states “Ipsos MORI will follow up non-respondents to the online survey by post and then telephone in order that we collect the views of as many students as possible to ensure the survey results are robust.”

However, whilst gaining a higher number of responses increases the validity of the survey, a higher number of reminders increases the cost for the University of Edinburgh. The instituion is charged for every phone call, text message, letter and email so filling the survey in promptly can save the University money.

The NSS has come under some criticism in the past with stories appearing about universities telling their students to inflate their responses in order to make their instituion appear higher in the league tables.

Distortion of the final results can

also take place in more subtle ways. In 2007 Conservative MP David Willets made a speech at the Sheffield University Academy of Public Service about Higher Education and the student experience. Speaking about the manipulation of NSS results he said “As one vice chancellor told me recently, there are ways and means.

"Do not go too hard on your students or organise early morning starts too close to survey time. Certainly never send out bills or reminder letters before you send out the survey form.”

The message from the University is that honest feedback should be given.

The University takes the results very seriously; Edinburgh University’s poor

“

Do not go too hard on your students or organise early morning starts close to survey time. Certainly never send out bills or reminder letters” David Willets MP on the dark arts of the National Student Survey

performance in the feedback section led to Jeff Haywood Vice-Principal of the University addressing students at the Annual General Meeting last semester to explain what the University is doing to improve things.

The University hopes to use this year's results to see where it needs to improve, and hopes that final year undergraduates will complete it sooner rather than later.

Not a great example to copy A UNIVERSITY of Edinburgh student has been fined £100 after attempting to spend a photocopied £10 note in Espionage nightclub.

The incident occurred in the Victoria Street club in October of last year when first-year business student Alastair Duff tried to buy a drink with the note.

However, due to the poor quality of the forgery the barman immediately recognised the note as a fake and called the police.

Authorities at Edinburgh Sheriff Court expressed surprise at Duff ’s incompetence and naivety in counterfeiting the note, during his court appearance on February 13.

Fiscal depute Mairi Vernon said: "It was a quite amateur copy on ordinary paper," while Sheriff Jarvie added: "I would have thought he would have made a better job of it".

Duff pled guilty to the charge, with his defence agent, Paul Smith, ex-

plaining that the student had no previous convictions or involvement with the law and that he only attempted the fake after the idea was suggested by a friend.

Duff was living in student lodgings in Cowgate at the time of the offence.

However, it has been reported that he has failed to attend recent lectures,

“

I would have thought he would have made a better job of it.”

Sheriff Jarvie on Edinburgh student Alastiar Duff's photocopy forgery

and may have decided against continuing his studies this semester. The Student was unable to contact him for comment.

FINANCIAL ESPIONAGE:The Student was able to produce a better forgery than Alastair Duff 's in a matter of hours

LYLE BRENNAN

Susan Robinson

Feeling opinionated? comment@studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday February 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org

Comment 7

Comment

Harriet Brisley

Almighty good read?

Bring your own Bible? Susan Robinson examines the secular arguement for teaching the Bible in schools

F

ROM THE Sistine Chapel to The Life of Brian, the sublime to the ridiculous, Christianity and Western culture are inextricably linked. Last week, Poet Laureate Andrew Motion asserted that all schoolchildren should be taught the Bible.

Not a believer himself, he thinks that a grounding in Bible stories and knowledge of the history of Christianity is essential in contextualising and understanding the arts.

A lack of awareness among his own undergrad students at Royal Holloway that has inhibited thier studies of some of the most prominent works in the English canon prompted Motion to advocate teaching the Bible in schools. He describes his experince, saying, ‘I found very few knew there had been a civil war. As for the Bible, forget it. They just about knew who Adam and Eve were." Admittedly, navigating Paradise Lost without a basic knowledge of the Old Testament would be like reading a map without a compass (or a map). Or if you saw the Rubens at the National Gallery you might think that Salome in The Feast of Herod had a very skewed idea of what constitutes an acceptable canapé. However this is only a concern if you are studying English Literature or History of Art; the story of Jesus feeding the five thousand or Moses parting the Red Sea is unlikely to improve your understanding of cell division or en-

vironmental sciences.

The executive director of the National Secular Society, Keith Porteous Wood responded: "It's a bit excessive - children already get 45 minutes of religious education a week for 10 years. They also attend compulsory acts of worship which includes reading the Bible. Isn't that enough?" Religious education is important but only in so far as promoting respect and understanding of all faiths, regardless individual affiliation.

Although experiences can vary, te anaemic face of the local minister

“

I found very few knew there had been a civil war. As for the Bible, forget it. They just about knew who Adam and Eve were."

Andrew Motion, Poet Laureate

boring down upon 200 wide-eyed pupils, aged 5-11, insisting that we were all born brimming with sin (because the Bible said so) whilst friends of other religious persuasions

stayed outside is hardly conducive to any sort of spiritual kinship. I’m still haunted by vivid memories of being duped into playing Mary in a scripture reading, even to an eight year-old, the line “I am a virgin, how then can this be?” was acutely yet mysteriously embarrassing. Secondary school was not much better, most of my negative educational experiences took place within the Religious Education department.

Usually compliant pupils became disruptive, resulting in a highly strung teacher repeatedly slamming ‘The Good Book’ off the desk and screaming in an attempt to establish order. This somewhat undermined the message of peace and harmony to all mankind.

To abolish all religious studies from the curriculum would result in some pupils being unaware and perhaps less accommodating of faiths outside their own. Respect for other religions is essential in forming bonds with peers and for future relationships, be it in university, the workplace or just in an increasingly diverse society. For example, a friend, otherwise educated, articulate and able to impress upon me the influence of the church on British history, once told me she had seen a rabbi cycling to the mosque. Although it’s possible, I’m not entirely sure that’s what she meant and perhaps her knowledge was lacking in that par-

ticular area. However, Bible studies and the impact of Christianity upon Western culture is a more specific interest. It should be available to those who want it, but not made compulsory. Such a system would assuage Motion’s sceptical view that arts and humanities may become accessible only to a privileged few: "There is nothing elitist about this. I just find it really depressing that large parts of our heritage are going to become the preserve of only the academies and only parts of the academies. It seems a great denial of the opportunities

“

Slamming 'the Good Book' off the desk and screaming in an attempt to establish order somewhat undermined the message of peace and harmony to all mankind." open to us as human beings."

To combat this, Motion advocates a tailored crash course for undergraduate humanities students: "I would start with Christian stories,

Qur'anic stories, Greek and Roman stories, but it could be refined depending on what the subject is: a little history for people doing English, a bit of English for people doing history, for example." Such a course available at university or in the final years of school would mean only students who have committed themselves to a subject would then be engaged and certain to benefit from this specialist knowledge. Motion himself voiced concern about underqualified teachers passing anxiety onto their pupils, as well as the lack of available teaching resources.

The main thrust of Motion’s argument is that Bible stories animate and expose some of the most profound truths about ourselves and that ignorance of scripture would deprive us of fully understanding human nature: "Writers don't have any obligation to be relevant. They have an obligation to tell us the deep truth about ourselves." Perhaps writers aren’t obliged to be relevant but students should be allowed to judge what is relevant to their lives.

This may mean that to some, Blake’s poetry will make even less sense but also the biblical reference in Tom Jones’ ‘Delilah’ goes forever unnoticed. A cardinal offence indeed.

Tuesday February 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org

comment@studentnewspaper.org

8 Comment

A giant leap for GlaxoSmithKline?

Karishma Sundara on what the drug industry's apparent change of heart may mean for the world's poor

“

No drug company does something for nothing."

The Constant Gardener, John Le Carre

F

ighting off a charge like that cannot be easy, and yet GlaxoSmithKline’s new head, Andrew Witty appears to be doing just that. In a wave of newfound conscience, GSK announced a change in strategy; which would drastically alter the way it does business in the developing world.

Proposing to slash drug prices in the world’s 52 poorest countries by 75% or more, and a corresponding reduction in the price of these drugs in middle-income countries like Brazil and India, they also plan to invest 20% of the profits they earn, in setting up the urgently required healthcare facilities in these countries.

Yet the announcement, which drew the greatest praise and -undoubtedly- the greatest censure, was his decision to lift the bars of silence and secrecy surrounding clinical research, especially those regarding the development of drugs to help cure neglected diseases. Witty proposed to place all such information in a “patent pool”, so that other researchers could collaborate to find cures for the thus far neglected diseases. Such diseases have often not been the focus on fas most of the people afflicted by them do not have the money to afford innovative treatment.

Drug companies have always guarded their intellectual property with a fierceness, and Witty, while not failing to concur with this notion stated, “Obviously people see us as very defensive of intellectual property, quite rightly, and we will be but in this area of neglected diseases we just think this is a place where we can kind of carve out a space and see whether or not we can stimulate a different behaviour.” This move comes as a decidedly pleasant surprise, considering GlaxoSmithKline was one of the 39 multinational companies who in 2001 legally pressurized the South African government to cease import of cheap drugs.

Equal pressure from the international community, however, forced these companies to withdraw. Now, GSK’s back to talk about the same topic, yet this time, from a different perspective; seeking to right the wrong they had done earlier, by failing to do enough. "I would say people tried really hard within a set of rules which haven't really been challenged very hard...” says Witty. “I guess what I'm just challenging a little bit is why can't those rules be flexed a bit?”

GlaxoSmithKline’s new policy, undoubtedly endearing them to the campaigners who have been bombarding drug companies to do more for the world’s poor, will not however endear them to the rest of the pharmaceutical industry. By revealing such vital information, and suggesting an open display of their ‘trade secrets’ so to speak, Witty is not unaware of the censure the drug industry will shower him with. As he not-

ed, he could easily, “…imagine getting a phone call saying 'What are you doing?'"

He rationalizes, however, that their new strategy is one which could help save victims of the existing mindset in the drug industty i.e. the continued focus drugs that make profit in developed nationsheart medicine, drugs for indigestion and the like. “If we can just make one peice of progress on one disease which hasn't had any progress for 40 years it has to be worth it,” he concludes Witty openly stressed that drug companies were not doing enough for the world’s poor, being far to pre-occupied with coming up “with the next great medicine, knowing that it’s likely to get used an awful lot in developed countries.”

Yet couldn’t they, equally “do something for developing countries”?

Admirably he followed that by saying, “I want to be able to say yes we are, and that's what this is all about – trying to make sure we are even-handed in terms of our efforts to find solutions not just for developed but for developing countries," thereby clarifying the company’s motives for this change in policy. Of course we have to keep in mind, that this is a business decision, and in the current financial situation the world finds itself in, with resources drying up for investment and research, this could very well be an insightful decision, to secure the company’s position in the coming days of open source business strategies.

While it is heartening to see such a display of candor, and open admission of the failings of the drug industry to truly

benefit all sections of society, and their recognition of their role in the insidious commercialization of nearly everything in today’s day and age, are they off the hook - yet?

Despite GlaxoSmithKline’s visit to Oz to obtain a heart, they meet with censure not only from their competitors for whom they are setting a precedent, in this highly competitive age, but continue to fail in obtaining the complete approval of campaigners like Oxfam and Médecins Sans Frontières, in light of their exclusion of HIV and AIDS from the patent pool scheme.

Patients, who develop resistance to the drugs, as most are likely to, will be the losers in the long-term. ‘New first and second line anti-retroviral medicines are often 5 to 10 times more expensive than older, off-patent first line medicines,’ says Oxfam’s Rohit Malpani, clarifying that in the long run, to maintain sustainably lower prices for these medicines in poor countries, the pharmaceutical industry is going to have to recognize the necessity for an HIV patent pool. Flexibility of policy regarding ‘intellectual property’ in such a situation, would help stimulate low-cost manufacturers in these countries, helping to achieve sustainable low prices for these drugs.

Promising cheaper drugs at present, isn’t going to cut it. It’s certainly a move in the right direction, but is it enough to tackle the health issues that plague the world? Definitely not in a day and age when HIV claims lives, both young and old by the millions. By excluding HIV

and AIDS treatment from the patent pool, GlaxoSmithKline appears to be implying there is no urgency for a patent pool for them. Last year, the AIDS death toll reached 2.9 million -the highest yetof which 2.1 million deaths occurred in Africa. How can the loss of 2.9 million lives to the pandemic not be cause for urgent action?

While their policy regarding the HIV patent pool cannot win them any brownie points, we cannot ignore other developments, which in turn complicate the issue of ‘intellectual property rights’.

As the EU Trade Commissioner, Catherine Ashton, on behalf of the European Commission encourages countries to accept stricter measures in regard of protection of intellectual property, the prospect of improving health in the poor countries takes the fall- as access to medicines would be severely compromised by such a policy. Interestingly, the EU commission had in the past, pledged to support health in developing nations in the WHO and WTO’s 2001 Doha declaration.

Inconsistencies in policy, along with generous, yet still insufficient efforts on part of the pharmaceutical industry to improve health in developing nations, remain unhelpful to better the state of the world. Whilst policies clash, and everyone asserts they want to help the poor and the sick, somewhere in the world a person is infected with the HIV virus every 8th second. The ‘giant’ leap for GlaxoSmithKline, is but one small step for Mankind.

Green and pleasant land

Tom Bristow looks at the rights and wrongs of going green in a democracy

A

quick browse through BBC Four’s, You and Yours website last week revealed a podcast demonstrating some strange logic. Reacting to news of the development of an innovative energy-saving lightbulb, the BBC took to the streets to gather the views of the public. ‘It is my right as an Englishman to buy non-energy saving light bulbs’ responded one interviewee.

Do we have a right to pollute? This man's view suggests that destruction of the environment (which would mean the disappearance of Bangladesh and desertification of parts of Europe) as an inalienable right, which being born in a democratic nation has endowed him with. To use a friend’s analogy, if I was stuck in a boat with this man, he could bore a hole in his half, sinking both of us, and justify this catastrophic action as his right.

Claims that we have a ‘right’ to choose non-energy saving products above more environmentally ‘friendly’ ones, begs the question, can global warming and the governments’ urgent need to cut carbon emissions only be tackled by dictatorial means?

The governments of more autocratic nations such as China or Singapore can, if required, push through schemes to shrink carbon footprints with far greater ease than their more

democratic counterparts. The power these countries have over their citizens means that a nationwide recycling scheme, for example, could potentially produce far greater results than a corresponding one in the West.

Here governments and companies are reduced to feeble adverts, asking us if we have the ‘bottle to recycle?' Encouraging the population to be more eco-friendly is a matter for the marketing, not the police, department.

Even here there are limitations.

Northern Ireland’s environment minister, who is oddly also a climate change sceptic, banned Whitehall’s latest round of adverts last week, dismissing them as ‘green’ propaganda.

If the effects of global warming become more devastating, democratic governments are increasingly likely to turn to authoriarian measures: imposing strong legislation to ban the use of plastic bags, restricting energy use, or fining short car journeys. Autocratic means would be far more suited to cutting carbon emissions.

Where then are the advantages of the democracy in tackling global warming? How can it compete against a system which could enforce rather than encourage ‘green’ behaviour?

It is largely in the western democratic nations where the technology and legislative willpower lies to tackle

global warming. The U.S. and Germany produce more watts than any other nation through wind power, while 20 turbines spring up every day in the E.U. Democratic Europeans may pollute more than the inhabitants of Russia or China, but they have a head start when it comes to tackling the menace of pollution, recycling 63.4 % of their paper in 2006 and generating 8.5 % of

their energy through renewable sources in 2005. The E.U. has also branded itself a green pioneer, ratifying impressive-sounding legislation to cut carbon emissions by 20% by 2020.

Polluting is neither a power nor a right which has to be restricted by an all-powerful governing class. The choice of an energy-saving or a less efficient lightbulb is one for the con-

scious consumer. In capitalist lands it is likelty to be the power of the market that determines whether or not the consumer wishes to cut his energy bill. Clarksonian grumblings in favour Englishmen's right to pollute will encourage the rise of the autocrat rather than prevent it.

Henry Birkbeck

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Tuesday February 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org

Comment 9 Monkey see, monkey do

Johnny Stockford

The Blame Game

Calum Leslie explores the concept of British identity in light of the financial crisis

I

t was five in the afternoon when I found it. It told me straight. I was at fault for the banking crisis.

Imagine my horror at Dominic Lawson’s verdict. Then again, you might not have to, because here’s a little nadir all of your own to cope with. You might be too.

It’s all very complicated, you understand; a fine balance of heredity, population demographics and luck. Yet it can be determined whether you too fall into this category through the analysis of three simple things: your passport, your accent and your birth certificate.

Passport: British citizen? Strike one.

Accent: Scottish? Strike two. Birth certificate: Glasgow, Aberdeen or any other Scottish city, town or village? Hold on to your highlanders, folks – you’re out.

The banking crisis is your fault, too: because you’re Scottish.

That, anyway, is what The Independent’s Dominic Lawson has come to believe. And his article published on Tuesday 17th February, that confidently proclaims, ‘I blame the Scots for the banking crisis,’ argues as much.

Indeed, what a fine embodiment of ignorance, naivety, and bitterness it is.

From the moment he called Scotland 'Hibernia' – that would be the Gaelic name for Ireland, Dominic – you knew it was going to be something special.

And while Independent web editors have since scrambled to insert Caledonia in it’s rightful place, sadly the rest remains.

It seems as though, in times of crisis, we, or at least Dominic, talks in terms of the Scots and the English. So let’s indulge him. Scots don’t pay their way?

Lawson claims 'two Scottish banks' have had to be 'propped up' by taxpay-

ers. Well, in brand name, indeed both are 'Scottish' banks. However, are we wiping Northern Rock, an 'English' institution – the first and only bank to be fully nationalised – from the history books?

Secondly, HBOS, one of the ‘failed banks’, a merger between the English Halifax and Scottish Bank of Scotland, had a Board of Directors with at least as many Halifax directors. In addition, many English as well as Scottish bankers have been found wanting in the last few months by committees and shareholders, HBOS’s English Chief Executive Andy Hornby included.

Thirdly, how you can blame the Scots, when the Scots have not been in charge of their banking system since the UK was formed, is puzzling. The Bank of England and the London Government is responsible for ensuring banking regulation. As Harry Reid of The Herald pointed out in October, if Scotland had controlled its own banking system over the past thirty years or so, “would Scotland have had more stringent banking laws? Would we have had a sovereign wealth fund, built on our oil revenues?

Would we be in the eurozone? The answer to each question is probably yes.”

Scottish individuals and Scottish companies have made bad decisions.

But so too have English ones. Lawson’s assertion that 'Scottish hubris' was involved in the public anger over the Lloyds TSB takeover is based on the presumption that pride drove the outcry.

There is little doubt that pride was hurt: but, pride aside, it is certain that genuine concern was shown for the banking system as a whole. Was it the right and only decision to be made? How about you ask Lloyds shareholders now. That

would be the English Lloyds bank, now accused of poor decision making, after deciding to take over a bank that had failed as a merger between an English and Scottish institution. It’s all the fault of the Scots, you understand.

If anything, it must be clear that you

“

From the moment he called Scotland 'Hibernia'- that would be the Gaelic name for Ireland- you knew it was going to be something special." cannot attribute blame on the ridiculous basis of a nationality. But what, then, does Dominic’s rambling mess tell us?

So, in a crisis, if we talk in terms of the Scots and the English, this inevitably raises the question—does ‘Britishness’ exist? The symbols of ‘Britishness’ and Englishness have naturally become exceptionally closely tied: the prime minister of the UK is generally, though not currently, English; the capital for both is London; the majority of the UK’s population is English. The step between 'English' and 'British' has often seemed small, if not non-existent.

Yet if the state capital were moved to Inverness for the next three hundred years I would guarantee you two things.

Support for Scottish nationalism would fall and support for English nationalism would rise. For ‘Britishness’ would instead become merely Scottishness, rather than Englishness, thinly veiled in

the Union Jack. And perhaps Gordon Brown has moved the fine political balance in the UK ever so slightly in such a direction.

Quite simply, a Scot has pillaged the idea of Englishness, trying to reconstruct a Birtish identity. For being British has meant, generally, an indulgence of predominantly English identity: as is natural when the state capital is London.

Yet suddenly two Scots, Gordon Brown and Alastair Darling, are in control and making a fine financial mess of it.

Gordon Brown has attempted to appeal to a truly British identity, but it doesn’t exist. And Englishness is threatened by his damaging presence in what some view, perhaps rightly so, as fundamentally English institutions.

If ‘Britishness’ really did exist, where Gordon Brown came from – Scotland, England, Wales or Northern Ireland wouldn’t matter. But this crisis and others have revealed that orgin does matter to people and has exposed the weakness of the British identity.

Therefore we are left with what may become an inescapable realisation: Britain, as an identity and nation, is superficial. Beyond flag-waving Olympic ceremonies and a category on our passports, what does it mean to be British? Dominic Lawson has put forth one answer: not very much. When the stakes are high, and jobs, livelihoods and families are at risk, Scottishness and Englishness come to the fore. The concept of 'Britishness' is exposed for what it truly is: non-existent.

And should more people come to accept this reality we might start to see real solutions to very real problems.

Last week, the ever-present racial tensions of contemporary American society were once again brought to a head. The New York Post published political cartoonist Sean Delonas’s drawing of a chimpanzee being shot by policemen, one officer saying to the other, “They’ll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill”. From this, the implication appears to be that the chimp represents President Obama. And understandably, this suggests racist sentiments to many. Could this be a risky move, coming from an openly conservative publication?

Indeed, the cartoon did more than just raise eyebrows: around 200 protesters surrounded the Post’s Manhattan offices, demanding a boycott of the newspaper. The Post is owned

by Rupert Murdoch’s News Corporation, has a reputation of being a somewhat controversial tabloid, and takes no effort to conceal its strong conservative views. However, it appears to have underestimated the delicate situation involved in having a newly elected black president, when it comes to political satire. Protests came from many parties, not least the NAACP, which demands that Delonas and the editor-in-chief of the Post, Col Allan, be fired. The organization’s President and CEO, Benjamin Todd Jealous, said that the cartoon was “an invitation to assassination.”

But the newspaper did react to these slanderous accusations. On Friday – two days after the original appearance of the cartoon – it issued a brief online editorial, claiming the cartoon “was meant to mock an ineptly written federal stimulus bill. Period.” It apologizes to those genuinely offended by its alleged racism, claiming that this was not how the cartoon was meant to be perceived.

Instead, the Post claims that the cartoon was mainly in response the story of a pet chimpanzee named Travis, who was shot to death by police in Connecticut last Monday, after he “attacked and mauled” a woman, inflicting serious injuries. Also, the defenders of Delonas’s cartoon hastened to add that the U.S. Congress wrote the stimulus bill, not President Obama. So technically, this editorial insinuates, it is the outraged readership that is racist, not Delonas and his editors.

And we’re supposed to believe this? The public is conscious of racial tension, and therefore it’s not surprising that they detected the racist undertones Delonas clearly used. Given the Post’s dubious history concerning Obama (which includes Osama “typos”, among other things), and its habit of provocative reporting, it is fairly safe to assume that Delonas was well aware of the implications of such a drawing. In fact, anyone living in contemporary American society, in at least a moderately urban location, who has made it successfully through middle school could understand that even though Delonas may not have meant to be racist, this was still a precarious idea to run with.

Perhaps he intended to follow in the trend of countless Bush/monkey caricatures; perhaps his point was that Congress behaves like an out of control primate that needs to be put down. Either way, his failed attempt was either severely naïve, or just crass.

Henry Birkbeck

Tuesday February 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org

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10 Editorial

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The Student was launched by Scottish novelist and poet Robert Louis Stevenson in 1887, as an independent voice for Edinburgh's literati. It is Britain's oldest university newspaper and is an independent publication, distributing 6,000 copies free to the University of Edinburgh.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Lord Kitchener, David Lloyd George and Winston Churchill are a few of the famous people who have been associated with the paper. In the 1970s, Gordon Brown was the editor in chief, working alongside Robin Cook who at the time was in charge of film and concert reviews.

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Advertising Tony Foster  0131 650 9189  Student Newspaper 60 Pleasance Edinburgh EH8 9TJ  editors@studentnewspaper.org Student Newspaper, 60 Pleasance, Edinburgh EH8 9TJ. Tel: 0131 650 9189. The Student lists links to third party websites, but does not endorse them or guarantee their authenticity or accuracy. © Student Newspaper Society. All rights reserved. No section in whole or part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmited in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior permission of the publisher. The Student is published by the Student Newspaper Society, 60 Pleasance, Edinburgh EH8 9TJ. Distributed by Lothian Couriers, 3 John Muir Place, Dunbar EH42 1GD. Tel: 01368 860115. Printed

by Cumbrian Newsprint (part of the CN Group), Carlisle Print Centre, Newspaper House, Dalston Road, Cumbria CA2 5UA, on Tuesday February 17 2009. Tel: 01228 612600. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

Goal for 2010: be V.P. of something ven for people used to non-quorate E EUSA pow-wows, last week's general meeting was a pretty dismal occa-

sion. Most of those present (around 180 to start with, much less than the 300 needed for such meetings to be binding) seemed to have come to air their views on a particular subject, and slunk out once this was achieved.

Most disappointed were the biggest contingent present: those who had come in the hope of ensuring the survival of the threatened King's Buildings' bar. The announcement that this wouldn't be possible thanks to the low turnout prompted a mass exodus of grumbling scientists from the lecture theatre. As someone helpfully pointed out after they had left, this was likely to be their first and last experience of student politics.

However, perhaps more surprising than the non-revelation that most students don't want to get involved in student politics, is the staggeringly low number of applicants for the EUSA posts themselves. Nobody is competing for several of the positions, and many are going uncontested, with only one candidate on the ballot.

'Twas ever thus: this situation is the norm, and the figures actually show a desultory improvement since last year.

But nowadays, with extra-curricular responsibilities being trumped-up as a good way of improving your chances of actually getting a job in a decidedly treacherous employment market, you might think that people would be keener to bulk up their CV's with a low-profile EUSA post - "Schmoozing Coordinator", perhaps, or "Vice President in charge of Tedious Finagling".

Strangest of all is the lack of competition for the four EUSA sabbatical

posts. These posts - President, and the Vice-Presidents of Services, Societies, and Academic Affairs - are paid actual money. Last year each earned about £18,000. Not bad for a starting salary - pretty fantastic for a year out from your studies spent doing a job which will make you more employable, and which will postpone your inevitable exit from the academic bubble for another year (by which time this recession stuff will have blown over, surely).

Who knows, being EUSA President might even be fun. The Student has certainly noted, with marked suspicion, that Adam Ramsay smiles a lot - although an exception has to be made for when half the people at an AGM leave in disgust after being thwarted in their attempt to save the K.B. bar.

But there were only five candidates for EUSA President - and only two each for the other positions. So you could have run for Vice President of whatever with a 1/3 chance of a year's remunerative, and possibly enjoyable, employment. The fact that so many Presidential candidates make their "outsider" status a selling-point is revealing: there really isn't a vast army of EUSA "insiders" waiting to share out the jobs between them, it's just that most people think there is.

Our generation's renowned for being apathetic. For every student protesting in George Square Lecture Theatre last week there were severalwho didn't really care one way or the other.

But why does this mean that we're happy to collectively pay the salaries of people who got half way to being elected merely by putting their name on the ballot?

The Student responds he Student received some critiT cism over the past week concerning our coverage of the student oc-

cupation of George Square Lecture Theatre last week. (see "Whitewash", below") However, this criticism wasn't a response to any actual bias in our coverage, but to an account, which made the rounds on Facebook and was for a while posted on the occupation's website, that suggested that the paper's editors had "whitewashed" the issue by altering the content in the Comment section.

In fact, the editors removed some material from that section precisely to maintain the balance that The Student's critics were demanding.

In altering this section the editors did not intend to misuse their authority, or offend any staff, but to preserve the neutrality of the paper.

In this sense, it is actually the senior editors' job to make sure that the paper indeed remains "the voice of the students on campus".

In trying to keep the Comment section well-balanced, the editors were not trying to "shape the news agenda", or to "impose a specific narrative" on these events - as we believe is evident from reading our even-handed coverage of the story.

We were trying to be representative of the various views of this divisive issue held by the students of Edinburgh University.

Your Letters OVERSEAS STUDENTS Dear Student, Last week you ran a front page article claiming more than 80 percent of international students feel 'exploited' by the University as a source of revenue.

Unfortunately we believe the surveying techniques employed to produce this figure - together with other statistics in the article - were deeply flawed and these claims are inaccurate.

Results from iGraduate, one of the world's foremost academic surveying companies, show that in fact more than 75 percent of international students at Edinburgh believe studying at the University is a worthwhile investment of money, while almost 90 percent would encourage other people to apply to the University. iGraduate works with 250 institutions in 12 countries; their biannual surveys of the University of Edinburgh regularly question more than 1,000 international students and adhere to the strictest surveying standards. iGraduate's work is in stark con-

trast to The Student's survey, which approached a very limited and unrepresentative number of international students with a short poll that included misleading and unfairly phrased questions.

The University devotes a great deal of time and resources to ensuring it provides international students with the best possible experience, it also goes to great effort to accurately gauge students' opinions.

We hope that students will not be misled by The Student's poll.

Sandra Morris Deputy Head, International Office

"WHITEWASH" I understand the student paper is meant to be the voice for the students on campus, reporting the current issues on campus and giving writers and students a chance to air their views in print.

However finding out that the reporting of the ‘Pro-Palestine Occupation in George Square lecture theatre’ involved tactics of re-writing the comment section without consultation of the actual comment

section editor is worrying.

It would seem that the senior editors have had a lapse in good working practice and rather than delivery the news; they are choosing to shape the news agenda.

This incident shows that our senior editors wish to exert a specific narrative on the happenings – to the point of inserting adverts in the comment sections.

May I kindly suggest that this is expressed elsewhere, this is not your pet project. My thoughts go out to our comments section editor whose efforts to add to the discourse of the Palestine and Israel issue were stifled, however your work is appreciated.

I hope that our senior editors reflect seriously upon their decisions and motivation for being involved in this work, as certainly these decisions and actions have brought into question their credentials for representing the student views on campus.

Sana Maqsood Medical Science student

studentnewspaper.org Tuesday March 03 2009

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THIS WEEK IN STUDENT

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The podium problem

Claire Jarvis, Debates Union secretary, debunks the horror of addressing an audience, and urges you to nurture your inner ranting. people, to make them laugh and understand wins you a lot of recognition and respect. But how does one perfect this charismatic CV-saviour when chatting amiably in front of the bathroom mirror just won't cut the mustard?

Step forward the art of debating. It allows you - through a defined format of teams arguing on two sides of an issue– to develop your argumentation, style and quick-thinking. You are welcome to dip into it to learn the basics, or else (as so many have before) to get drawn into it as a competitive sport and travel the country pursuing it.

Members of the Edinburgh Debate Union, our university's long-established debating society, are eager to share their wide-ranging motivations for joining, as well as their success stories, and anecdotes. One of the valued members of the Committee likes nothing more than to tell freshers

T

here's two things to do with public speaking that I'm sure about. The first is that employers are crazy for it.

The second is that everybody appears to be terrified of it.

Speaking in public makes the Top 10 Fears for most individuals and in large scale surveys. The average person has little problem talking to their friends about their thoughts and ideas, little problem chatting to strangers about the weather, little problem speaking to experts for guidance – but when these individuals turn into an attentive audience the situation suddenly becomes impossible. Sufferers cite attacks of nerves before they even open their mouths. They mumble quietly. They talk too fast. Even simple speech is a challenge. But why are fluent, articulate people transformed in this way? All that's changed is the number of people paying attention.

Your average student has a life filled with daunting hassles, such as unwritten essays due tomorrow and exams where the path between pass and fail is tentatively trod. All of these obstacles are usually tackled with reluctant apprehension, but nothing strikes more dread into this average student’s heart than the realisation that they must prepare a presentation for their peers.

Why does Public Speaking cause

such extreme emotion? It is regularly ranked as being as scary as death. This seems strange, because at least you know what happens after a public speech. It doesn’t involve any physical pain, and it

“

Public speaking is regularly ranked as being as scary as death" takes up relatively little time and energy when applied correctly.

There are many causes of phobias.

The attitudes of society and close kin can play a conditioning role; if a child watches mummy show fear upon the sight of a spider, they are likely to eventually associate spiders with fear.

It might be a more difficult path of association, when an object gains negative connotations at an impressionable age.

Another reason, particularly relevant to public speaking, is avoidance. Opportunities to turn down public speeches are more prevalent than situations where you have no choice in the matter. Thus, a simple dislike or awkwardness can grow in intensity because avoidance allows your imagination to go wild.

In most scenarios, people make little effort to overcome their common phobias if they do not actively cripple their daily routine. However, a fear of public speaking can do damage in more subtle ways, and it is an aversion that most people wish they could overcome. Almost without variation, job descriptions will contain a specification for Communication Skills, with the only quibble being whether these communication skills should be ‘Excellent’ or just ‘Good’.

Employers need employees who can speak in public. They need people who are unafraid of presenting themselves, their ideas and their company. Even the most reclusive researchers and dullards in offices will occasionally need to account for themselves to their bosses. And when they do, the impression they make is vital.

You may well think that public speaking serves these bosses no other purpose than the merciless torture of their staff. Yet, once you peer across the horrific chasm of angst into the serene valley on the other side, it soon becomes evident that speaking up for yourself really does have its advantages.

For starters, it suddenly gifts you with confidence: confidence to talk to anybody, in any circumstances, about anything. Being able to persuade

“

You may think that public speaking serves those bosses no other purpose than to mercilessly torture their staff" about her first few weeks in the Union when she refused to open her mouth, even to make small-talk. One year on and she has fully embraced her inner ranting.

Another success story is that of a lass who’d never debated before, giving up mid-speech because she felt overwhelmed. That was only a few months before she found herself in the final of two freshers' competitions.

So, how could debating enable you to unleash the uninhibited loudmouth within? Basically, through tackling the root causes of this fear that I have already mentioned: Worried about other people's attitudes? All the senior members of the Debating Union have been there already and know exactly what it is like to stand up in public and face their demons, thus the whole culture of debating is one where you just go for it and do your best.

It is, unfortunately, true that when you are speaking, just about anything could happen. You might lose your place in the notes or you might be unable to think up a good argument

just when you need one. Absolutely no one will judge you or laugh. Things have happened in speeches that still cause members of the EDU to wince, but they come back because they know that there is no reason to connect public speaking with social rejection or unpleasant consequences.

If you are unwilling to speak then EDU will happily let you watch a debate or two. But they're unlikely to stop nudging until you at least give it a go, at which point you’ll be delightfully surprised at how easy it is.

So, conquer one of your fears while it's still manageable. You’ll be amazed at what it does for you.

Common Myths About Debating 1. “Only lawyers do it"

- While debating is useful to those pursuing a career in law, and while legal knowledge does lend itself to some debates; those from other disciplines are very welcome, especially because they enrich and broaden the topic.

2. “It requires you to know lots and lots”

- In reality, debating is more often about the principles behind a certain issue. For instance, when arguing over the smoking ban you do not need to be able to recite whole NHS reports, but you can win the debate if you are able to explain why the government should or should not intervene in what is essentially a private act.

3. “It’s boring.”

The whole purpose of debating is to engage and entertain your audience to achieve victory.

While some of the topics we discuss are serious, there is ample scope for using wit and humour to help get your points across.

Claire Jarvis: Secretary, Edinburgh Debates Union Debating Workshops: Mon (7.15 for 7.30pm),Old College basement.

studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday February 24 2009 features@studentnewspaper.org

12 Features

The Baby of the House

Beth Mellor talks to Jo Swinson and discovers that in parliament, youth is hardly heaven o Swinson, Britain’s youngest MP, Jcontact emails me back instantly when I her to arrange an interview.

So obviously she's either incredibly efficient or has too much time on her hands.

By the time I meet her at the end of the week, the 29-year-old has already appeared on Question Time, led a debate in Parliament on tax credits, and seen the results of her hard work pay-off to force the Government to reverse its position on the publication of MP’s expenses. What's more this is just a normal week’s work for Liberal Democrat Swinson, who is MP for East Dunbartonshire:the constituency where she grew up. In fact, the Mail on Sunday reported in January that she was the ‘most active’ Scottish

MP in Westminster during 2008, having spoken 58 times in debates and having submitted 220 written questions. So, hardly a layabout then.

In her cramped office in the eaves of 1 Parliament Street, Swinson signs a stack of letters to new voters in her constituency as she talks about her achievements as the youngest MP in Westminster, a role colloquially known as the ‘Baby of the House.’

“You need to be determined to get into politics. It’s hard to get elected and it’s hard to stay elected,” she says.

Indeed, although Swinson was only 25 when she was elected in 2005, she had already stood unsuccessfully twice: in Hull East in the 2001 General Election, where she gained a

6% swing from deputy leader of the Labour Party John Prescott, and in Strathkelvin and Bearsden in the 2003 Scottish Parliamentary election, where she came third. Since being elected in 2005 she has acted as the Liberal Democrat’s Shadow Scotland Secretary and Shadow Spokeswoman for Women and Equality and, at the start of this year, she was appointed to the role of Shadow Minister for Foreign Affairs.

But Swinson’s first forays into politics were as a student at the London School of Economics, as president of her halls of residence committee and a member of the Liberal Democrat Youth and Students organisation (now Liberal Youth), where she was instrumental in the campaign to scrap tuition fees.

“I argued for that policy as a student in the Liberal Democrats when it wasn’t universally popular in the party. But we won the argument and it became party policy. Then seeing the Liberal Democrats getting into coalition Government in Scotland and putting it into practice proved to me that it is really possible to make a difference. Students from my constituency now don’t have to pay tuition fees if they go to a Scottish University.”

As for tuition fees at English Universities and for English students attending Scottish Universities, Swinson says that abolishing these will be a policy in the Liberal Democrat manifesto at the next election.

“I dread to think what kind of debts people are graduating with these days, especially with top-up fees. If we are in Government we will be able to put this policy into practice, and if not we will argue for it. Obviously, the more Liberal Democrat MPs we have, the more likely it is to happen: in Scotland we managed to get it through without actually being the largest party.”

And, although she is vague on details, she says that her party will also be pressurising the Government to do more to help this year’s ‘credit crunch graduates’.

“The Government are not doing enough, and I really feel for graduates at the moment. It is hard to get jobs without work experience, so an internship scheme like the one that is being suggested could be very positive in that way. But, at the moment, it only seems to include big businesses, so maybe it should be wider: small businesses need new talent as much as

“

The Scottish Minister once heckled me, asking if I qualified for the lower minimum wage given to young people.

He wasn't particularly funny." the multinationals do.”

Perhaps unsurprisingly as the youngest MP, Swinson believes that the political system desperately needs modernisation: she advocates lowering the voting age to 16, now an official Liberal Democrat policy, and would like to see the House of Lords overhauled into an elected body.

Most importantly, she wants the political system to revamp its image,

“

The number one thing you need to succeed in politics is you have to care: you just have to give a damn." to become both more accountable and more accessible to the public. To this end, she has launched ‘Axe the Parliamentary YouTube Ban’: a campaign to overturn the ban on posting footage on YouTube or other video streaming

sites.

“In the 21st Century I think that it is ridiculous you are not allowed to post clips of Parliament on YouTube, because that is the way that most young people would probably watch Parliament. If it was in bite-sized form people could share clips and rate them.

“This is just one example of why Parliament has a traditional and stuffy image. But it shouldn’t have: we are discussing issues that lots of people care about, so why don’t we just make sure that we are doing it in an accessible way?”

Swinson’s grasp of new media was also evident in her recent campaign to force the Government to abandon its plan to exempt MPs’ expenses from the Freedom of Information Act. Over 7,000 people joined a Facebook group to protest the Government’s proposal and thousands who heard about this story through Facebook and Twitter sent e-mails to their MPs, forcing a U-Turn which Conservative Party blogger Iain Dale described as “the first real victory for an online political campaign in this country.”

Yet despite the success of her campaigning work and the positions of responsibility she has held, Swinson says she says she experienced ageism in her early days in Parliament.

“I remember once on the floor of the House when I asked a question about the lower minimum wage for young people and the Scottish Minister heckled me, saying ‘Are you one of them?’ It wasn’t particularly funny, but it was ironic given that it happened the week after the Government had brought in age discrimination legislation.”

Clearly, anyone who thought that Swinson’s youth meant she would not be up to the challenges of her job underestimated her determination and her passion for the issues.

“The number one thing you need to succeed in politics is that you have to care: you just have to give a damn.”

And it would be hard for anyone to accuse Scotland’s ‘most active’ MP in Westminster of not fulfilling this job description.

Profile: Jo Swinson

• Lib Dem MP for East Dumbartonshire

• Youngest member of parliament, and the first MP to be born in the 1980s • Raised in East Dumbartonshire where she attendedw the Douglas Academy in Milngavie before graduating from the London School of Economics in 2000 with a First Class Degree in Management.

• Her interests include hiking, salsa dancing and Amnesty International

Got a story to tell? features@studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday February 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org

Features 13

John Sannaee weighs up the advantages of using 'study drugs' to meet that looming deadline, discovering a world of absolute chemical focus, and meticulously tidy bedrooms ast December, The Student led L with an article on the shocking rise in popularity of so-called

‘Study Drugs,’ which are used to aid concentration in the hope of meeting deadlines and boosting grades.

Whilst many are concerned about the potential dangers and side-effects of using prescription medication that has not been prescribed for you, the question on a lot of people’s lips remains: do they work?

The main challenge facing many of us when it comes to a major piece of work is simply getting started. The prospect of writing two thousand or more words on a subject that was touched on briefly in a tutorial during which we were feeling a bit worse for wear can be a daunting one. It is easy enough to get a pile of relevant books, open your laptop and write down the title, but actually settling down to work can prove almost impossible, what with the distractions of Facebook and the rest of the internet, and of course absolutely necessary dashes to the supermarket or a café to meet a friend (who also has four impending deadlines.)

Study drugs eliminate the brain’s propensity to avoid the task at hand.

One Ritalin pill, and suddenly a comparison of Foucault and Derrida’s minor, unpublished, widely-discredited and largely forgotten theories becomes the most fascinating subject that has ever crossed your path.

Facebook is an irritating irrelevance, your friends exist only as mindless

individuals who don’t care about their degree and wish to sabotage yours, and even a toilet break must be put off for at least another three sides of notes. Three sides? Make that five. At least.

There is not a ‘high’, or a feeling of altered perception, that comes with taking Study Drugs, and they do not magically give you unprecedented

“

There is not a 'high' or increase in brain power that comes with taking Study Drugs, they simply suppress the brain's tendency to avoid the task at hand." mental capacities that you were previously unaware of, they simply allow (force) you to concentrate for hours on end. Eventually they wear off and you crash through mental exhaustion, at which point many people choose to simply take another pill and keep working. This tendency is worrying, particularly when you realise that the most popular study drug Ritalin (or to give it its proper name, methylphenidate) is the closest pharmaceutical equivalent to cocaine, a class A

drug. Indeed, in America, where the use of prescription medication for studying is a much more widespread and entrenched phenomenon, one student at a reputable West Coast university described how he and his friends would take ‘finger-nail’-sized amounts of cocaine to aid their study, as it worked out cheaper than Ritalin.

Both Ritalin and Adderall, another popular study drug, are usually used to treat ADHD. Ritalin works by correcting a dopamine imbalance in the brain, thus allowing sufferers to focus and concentrate fully, and thus react to stimulus in a normal way.

Adderall is a collection of amphetamines that increases the amount of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain, to similar ends. However, the risks of someone who does not suffer from ADHD regularly taking these drugs is uncertain, and in some cases could lead to a dependency on the drugs to concentrate and focus properly where once no such problem existed.

However, to certain students, once unable to stop procrastinating but now completing lengthy assignments with (unnatural) ease, the practice remains seductive. Such is the appeal that a recent study of 119 American Universities revealed that in some institutions up to 25% of students had taken one or more unprescribed ADHD pill to boost their studying.

Talk to a student from almost any university stateside and even if they have never tried a study drug, they

will almost certainly know people that have done or continue to do so.

One student at another prestigious West Coast university told of how Adderall is “as popular as coffee” and went on to state that the above figures are misleading because many students go to the doctor with the express intention of getting diagnosed with ADHD in order to procure an

“

In some U.S. institutions up to 25% of students have taken unprescribed ADHD medication Adderall prescription: both to help them and their friends study and sometimes to provide a little income in selling them on. While she had never taken Adderall herself, she said that “all [her] friends will eat the dots [of Adderall] like candy ... all my roommates have prescriptions for it.”

This attitude towards ADHD medication and other illegal studyenhancing drugs is thankfully not prevalent in the UK, for now at least, but its proven effect at helping concentration and thus potentially boosting grades is undeniably attractive. There may be potential physical

side-effects, including hallucinations, nausea, paranoia, and in extreme cases heart attack, as well as a propensity for users to develop a dependency on the drugs in order to study. However, even in a purely academic sense the drugs can be dangerous.

It is not hard to find horror stories.

One student described how he had taken a friend’s prescription Ritalin in order to write an essay, but decided to check Facebook first. Hours later, he was still on Facebook, having checked almost all his friends’ profiles several times, rewritten his profile repeatedly, and browsed through numerous groups and endless photos that previously held absolutely no interest to him. He had certainly managed to focus and block out distractions, but these distractions included his essay, which remained unwritten.

Stories abound of people cleaning and tidying their rooms obsessively, or reading entire novels that were unrelated to the task at hand. Is it worth risking taking a pill to meet a deadline and instead fixating on reorganising your bookshelves? An increasingly large number of people are willing to take this risk. After all, who doesn’t dream of not only working their hardest for every piece of work, but developing an all-consuming passion for the subject? Part of the danger of Ritalin and other such drugs is that for many, they blur the boundaries between concentration, fixation and obsession.

Tuesday February 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org

features@studentnewspaper.org

14 Features

Recession? You never had it so good.

Financial Times columnist and economist John Kay tells Catherine McGloin that the recession is good news for students.

Trust him: he's smart and rich. he economy, finance and big busiT ness have dominated the headlines and featured prominently as the hot topics of 2009 to date. We’re in a recession, and unless you’re a regulator at the Financial Services Authority or a principal at any Scottish university, you are probably feeling the pinch.

“

Students are financially better off as a result of this. You should be pleased.

Unless you wanted a job in the city you're probably better off" Whilst the big-bonus culture may now be at the mercy of public reactionaries, ordinary workers are confronted with levels of unemployment skirting the two million mark. High street businesses are facing the spectre of administration on every corner, while property is devaluing at a rate almost beyond comparison. Concurrently, Gordon Brown’s defiant attitude to pull the U.K. through this mess is slowly disintegrating into a stubborn avoidance of an apology. What then should we expect from a society governed by an economic system that is “greedy, cynical and self-interested”?

That is the question being asked by Financial Times columnist and author John Kay, for whom the current tribulations have come as no surprise.

Speaking to The Student, Kay openly beats down the environment in which his own career has been shaped: “I don’t think we want these sentiments anywhere. I think that it comes down to the broader problem that we have lived for twenty or thirty years in a world that has been ready to say in all areas that that kind of behaviour is ok.

It isn’t.”

In this honest and upfront manner he continues, yet to portray him as a crusading figure, the bearer of humanism and compassion to big business would be false. He is a successful man, a successful man who knows economics. “In answer to the question, ‘if you’re so smart why aren’t you rich?’

Well I am.”

This Edinburgh born, Oxford educated academic writer has held the directorship of an independent think tank, the Institute for Fiscal Studies, has been a professor at both Oxford University and the London Business School and has founded a consultancy firm. The current HBOS crisis may gravely pain John Kay, or at least make him all the more adept at commenting on their woes, as he once occupied the position as a non-executive direc-

tor of Halifax plc, in addition to several other small companies. At the moment he is a visiting professor at the London School of Economics and has recently published his eighth book, entitled The Long and the Short of it: A guide to finance and investment for normally intelligent people who are not in the industry.

With such a varied career, one motivational element shines through all of his success; passion for his chosen field. Despite a lengthy battle with Oxford University to establish a modern, forward thinking business school, ultimately ending with his resignation only two years into a five year contract and a diatribe against stultified ancient universities, his passion for finance and commitment to business has driven him forward.

Kay found ample example in Bill Gates: “If you were to read Bill Gates’ book - and I can’t suggest you do, it’s terrible - he makes it fully clear that what motivates that guy is a love of computers. Sure he’s made a lot of money, he didn’t exactly mind making a lot of money, but it was the business that came first. Passion is the driving force behind successful business, that’s true of people who are accomplished in almost anything.”

Yet, in harsh reality, ideals based on love and passion will not alone equal success and huge profit. Like any hardened businessman, or in fact any economic realist today, Kay gives “hard work” as much a prominent standing: “It’s actually building real businesses that is the hard work and if you don’t actually like doing it then you’re probably not going to be very good at it.”

Therefore, with a realistic perception of what constitutes a thriving

“

These people, these events have got us into a mess and however wonderful Obama is, the capacity of any politician to change things is quite small" business, as well as a pragmatist’s approach to the economic environment currently in effect, Kay’s solutions are modest but empowering, designed to hand back to us control over our financial circumstances. Instead of looking to Brown, or our latest hero, Barack Obama, we should be taking our finances into our own hands. Far from being a starry-eyed optimist, Kay argues that “right now

we’re living in a world where we all feel ‘gosh, everything has changed’ which it clearly hasn’t. These people, these events have got us into a mess and however wonderful Obama is, the capacity of any politician to change things is quite small. The idea that Brown either caused them or can cure them is rather ridiculous” With regards to the steps already taken by the government to effect change, Kay argues that the banks received the bail outs successfully and that “if you were to ask what has really changed in ordinary people’s lives as a result of the crisis, the answer so far is, objectively, not very much. What has changed a lot is the way they feel about it.” Psychological scars will clearly mar consumer and saver confidence in any banking system for years to come: “What we’re going through here is

going to last quite a long time. While I would have hoped a year ago that you could have largely confined the problems of the financial sector to the financial sector, it’s now perfectly clear that that isn’t going to happen. It has spread and it has done so for a number of reasons, one being the shattering of people’s confidence.”

So it’s going to be a long, painful recovery and any action taken by our politicians and world leaders will be limited and largely ineffective. What is the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel for ordinary people, the majority of whom are not involved in finance and increasingly threatened by redundancy or funding cuts? John Kay hopes his book will point them the right direction. In the dying seconds of his interview he throws them a ray of hope, a lifeline for future buoyancy.

Students are to be the main beneficiaries of this economic downturn: “Students are financially better off as a result of this. You’re going to buy a house in five years time and it’s going to cost you twenty per cent less than it would have a couple of years ago. You should be pleased. Unless you wanted to get a job in the city, you’re probably better off. In that sense you should be grateful.”

Such a long term gain is hard to keep in mind after university spending has been cut, after rent prices have increased and after graduating and entering into a marketplace already occupied with potentially three million unemployed. Who’s the realist now? For those in the position to buy property it is a time of bountiful gain.

A pity then that this group does not include the majority of students.

•

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lifestyle@studentnewspaper.org

16 Lifestyle

Going out The Sheep’s Heid, Duddingston

No sleep 'til deadline

Lyle Brennan drags you kicking and screaming down into The Bunker

W

hilst enjoying a stroll across Arthur’s seat you may stumble upon the picturesque little village of Duddingston, and in it a delightful tavern named the Sheep’s Heid Inn. With a reputation as the oldest pub in Scotland, and a gorgeously rustic exterior to boot, this diamond in the rough is not to be missed.

Nestled in a beautifully peaceful location, the historical Sheep’s Heid remains untouched by the present day. Stepping from the narrow cobbled streets through the heavy door you may well feel as though time has swept you up and dropped you in the 1700s (rather conveniently, inside a jolly good inn). The interior is bursting with character, cluttered up with intriguing trinkets.

Well thumbed books line dusty, mahogany shelves whilst antlers and trophies hang skewiff from the white washed walls. In winter, a crackling fire adds ounces of atmosphere. The seating is crowded and rather ramshackle but this only ehances the cosy mood. Besides, the pub offers extra seating upstairs for those wishing to eat.

Surprisingly, the pub is not always frequented by tourists, perhaps due to its snug hiding place. Customers include the friendly locals, students and couples romancing after a stroll over the crags. Meanwhile, the staff play the role of 'ye olde country folk' superbly, chatting warmly to the folk frequenting the bar.

The pub offers a bunch of perfect, post stroll snacks, with some great, chunky crisps, plus the usual beers and ciders common to the capital.

There is also a large variety of locally brewed Scottish beers, a definite bonus, but they don’t come cheap.

The food, though wholesome, varied and served in ample portions, is a little slow in coming. However, the quality is great, and, seeing as the pub is somewhat of a novelty, the prices and service seem acceptable.

All in all, with its charming location, comforting environment and hearty grub, not forgetting a few decent pints to wash the lost down, the Sheep’s Heid is the ideal spot to pass a nostalgic Sunday afternoon. The place even boasts a mini skittle run, just in case you’re feeling playful.

Maddie Walder

of mounting despair in the room, as those with a fighting chance at sleeping tonight gradually filter out. It’s not just its status as a windowless, subterranean hell that gives The Bunker its name, it’s also the fact that the atmosphere is reminiscent of refugee camps in those futuristic war films, in which a mother wails over her ailing child and a headcase with an accordion heralds the apocalypse. One thing is sure: you are all in it together.

0300hrs: Pee break. That’s right, even your toilet visits are scheduled. Male students have the upper hand here, since it’s harder to fall asleep at a urinal than it is to nuzzle into the comfort of a cold, dark cubicle. Alright, cease peeing now. Go back downstairs and aim for halfway by 4am.

G

etting yourself into the situation described in the following article is not recommended. The quality of your work, your mental wellbeing and your personal hygeine will suffer but sometimes these are the things you must sacrifice if you want to get that assignment in on time.

1200hrs: GET UP! GET UP! GET UP! Kiss your pillow goodbye, you’re not going to see it until well into tomorrow. Slap yourself into consciousness, hastily scrub the most visible and most odorous areas of your person and pull on the first thing you find in your laundry basket – after 24 consecutive hours of panic and mental anguish, you will look and possibly smell like death, so don’t kid yourself. Today you are the Jack Bauer of Medieval poetry / property law / rabbit medicine and your equipment is as follows: -One massive, sturdy bag: The sheer volume of information you’re about to compact in your skull is terrifying and you’ll need to be able to haul a ridiculous number of books from A to B. -One memory stick: Nothing equals the unbridled dread of losing an entire day’s work half an hour before the deadline. The more paranoid can also periodically email drafts to themselves with increasingly hysterical subject lines that will inevitably become simply ‘aarrgh’.

-Enough money for supplies: what you lose in sleep, you must gain in junk food and repulsive energy drinks.

-Your toothbrush: With the amount of sugar and caffeine you’ll be cramming into your face, your mouth will eventually feel as if you’ve been licking a dusty cat.

1300hrs: As you clamber through the library turnstiles, you should feel that familiar gut-punch of impending doom. Embrace it - this distilled fear may be the only motivation available to you. So, first things first, find your favourite corner of the library and entrench yourself in it. The slightly space-age new fifth floor is invariably mobbed near submission deadlines, so don’t be afraid to employ your skills of

intimidation. Sure, it may seem strange to fix someone with a feral glare and growl until they move - but have you ever actually tried it?

Territory gained, blitz the catalogue computers with every keyword you can think of. All the genuinely useful books will be taken, so now is the time for frantically scanning the indexes of books that have been in the library since Appleton was a person and not just an architectural wart. You can compensate for a lack of knowledge and respectable sources with the illusion of enthusiasm and ‘innovative’ use of texts that on the surface seem entirely irrelevant to your subject area but are actually an essential part of ‘placing the issue in a broader social and interdisciplinary context’. Max out your loan limit, bury yourself in a fort of books and skim and cite continuously for a few hours, because there’s no time to read.

1500hrs: By now you may be wishing you had some of those study drugs everyone’s whispering about (see Features). I’m not going to condone their use because people tend to throw around phrases like ‘Class B’, ‘unconfirmed side effects’ and ‘the law’. If you choose to take the medicated route, that’s your call but the rest of this guide is based on doing things the hard way.

Push on.

1900hrs: Alright, stop. Your brain is beginning to take on the consistency of a fine foie gras and your eyes appear to be looking at one another. It’s time to eat. If you leave the library now you might be tempted to make a break for it and set up camp in the Pentland hills, so it’s probably best to stick to the café. As you stare mournfully at your baked potato, screeches of ‘cheese and ham panini!’ tear out of the kitchen and shudder through your brain. Block it all out. Go to your happy place. There you will find a rough, half-baked plan for your assignment. Don’t let it escape.

Race back upstairs and batter out an introduction and a sentences for each of the digestible chunks you have broken it into. Now sit back and make a

smug noise.

2000hrs: Have a quick wander round the main study areas and see if you can find a friend in the same horrific situation. As the saying goes, a problem shared is a problem halved – this couldn’t be less relevant here (unless your friend wants to write half your essay for you) but it’s nonetheless quite gratifying to see someone else stuck on the same, rapidly sinking boat. It’s never a bad thing to have somebody to keep pace with, so after a brief duet of bitching and moaning, get your arse back in gear.

2200hrs: Time to tear yourself away from the library. Head to Nicolson Street and stock up on anything caffeinated. Aim for enormous cans and bottles emblazoned with explosions, predators and names like Tropical Painforest, Eviscerator (Strawberry Flavour) and RRAAMMPAAAGE. Solids are probably also a good idea.

Go for sweets, lots of sweets. And nuts.

And raisins. Basically anything that will act both as a source of false, fleeting energy and as something to fidget with rather than any real sustenance.

A wise man once said to me ‘Leave that sugar python alone, you will never tame it’. This is generally good advice but tonight he can just shut his wise face; you need all the sugar you can get, so seize that sugar python with both hands and ride it. This experience is all about the suspension of good sense in exchange for results, so expect to find yourself eating like a seven-year-old locked in a Woolworths Pick ‘n’ Mix section (RIP).

2300hrs: This is the turning point in your coursework ordeal. Head to the north side of George Square, swipe your matric card at the Hugh Robson Building and descend into the depths of The Bunker. Down here, time does not exist. Natural light? Fresh air? Not a chance. Round the clock access, strip lights and endless rows of PCs we can do. Welcome to your new home.

0100hrs: You can almost feel an air

0600hrs: There is no escaping the fact that it’s now officially tomorrow. This thought alone should be enough to put the fear of God into you but if not, run upstairs to find the central campus basking in sunlight, while the living start their days. The conviction that you will one day rejoin them should give you a lift.

0700hrs: Pee break number two (it turns out caffeine really is a diuretic).

The Bunker’s toilets look like a set from Saw and you are now hopelessly tweaked, so don’t be surprised if, when operating the hand-drier, you find its unholy roar somewhat unsettling.

Remember that toothbrush? Use it.

0800hrs: ‘Who are these people and why do they look so healthy?’ The Bunker is now filling up with people in tracksuit bottoms, fresh from the gym and loaded with colour-coded notes and cereal bars. Resist the urge to spit at them, let their conventional sleeping habits and high marks fill you with a jealous rage, and then channel it all back into your work. With your body now building up a resistance to caffeine, this weapons-grade spite will be the fuel for your sprint finish.

1100hrs: Now would be a good time to check that word count. More often than not you’ll find that you’ve spent the past two or three hours in a state of autopilot and that you’re now surprisingly close to your limit. Who knows what you might have written? You were thinking about time travel and feverishly eating pistachio nuts. The best policy here is to assume it’s eloquent, perceptive and methodologically sound, just don’t get caught up in proof reading. You have minutes to conclude, hit the print button and sprint to your submission box.

1200hrs: Congratulations, you made it. You now resemble an extra out of Dawn of the Dead, so expect to find yourself staggering around campus, freaking people out with your slack jaw and vacant gaze. With classes now a ridiculously unrealistic option, you have the choice of either wandering homewards and slipping into comatose oblivion for a day, or gathering your coursemates for some celebratory drinks. A word of warning, though: sleep deprivation and irresponsible drinking make for a very, very strange kind of inebriation. You might want to wear a helmet.

Addicted to the box? Email: tv@studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday February 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org

Arts & Features 17

TV

See you, Limmy

Lyle Brennan dreads an awkward transition from online sensation to cult TV nonentity

T

he internet is a wondrous thing.

Where else would you see a haggard Glaswegian man terrorising little girls over the phone, bleeding from the face and making violent threats against Davina McCall while dressed in drag?

Well, Glasgow. But now you can also find such horrors on BBC2 Scotland, thanks to Limmy's Show, the TV debut of online comedy head case, Brian Limond.

Over the years, Limmy’s sporadic output of bizarre, disturbing and hilarious three-minute clips has earned him a fiercely loyal online fan base, turning him into something of a Central Belt local hero. He’s always been one to get involved with his audience, even wading into petty bitching wars on his comments boards, so when it was announced last year that he was to dip his toe into the stagnant pool of Scottish TV comedy, the weight of expectation from his online admirers was enormous.

Counting myself among them, I reluctantly admit I'm a little disappointed.

For the most part, the sketches in Limmy’s Show are lifted directly from his immensely successful 2008 Fringe show of the same imaginative name, so while this means the quality is generally quite high, they lack the unpolished spontaneity of both the live spectacle and the appealingly scrappy web videos. The programme often finds itself in danger of coming across as one big in-joke, and when Limmy addresses the camera,

you know it’s that formidable online audience he’s talking to. While there’s nothing wrong with the odd bout of crowd-pleasing, the show has a tendency to lapse into nonsensical self-indulgence that may rouse a fond, unquestioning laugh from the cult of Limmy but when you consider this is a pilot, some crucial new viewers could easily lose patience.

What’s more, the usually authentic tone of his bitter, indignant rants is occasionally lost in the filter of BBC production and instead we get a visibly strained attempt to seem genuinely pissed off.

By no means does all this mean it’s a bad show. It’s certainly no criticism to say that it’s reminiscent of a more twisted version of The Armando Iannucci Shows; there’s a similar blend of observational grumbling and off the wall surrealism, although it's driven not by subtlety and social awkwardness but

by Limmy’s numerous psychopathic fixations.

It’s when the creator displays his talent for morbidity that the show comes into its own. There’s a brilliantly harrowing series of nightmares involving domestic accidents, some spontaneous toddler-punching; and I can think of no other comedian able to get such great results simply from sobbing at the camera, ‘it’s mum, she’s had her head kicked in’. The end result resembles the worst tourist video Glasgow’s ever had, and is definitely worth a look on iPlayer, even if it's a little off-target.

KATY BENNETT

GIVING TV A BAD NAME

Ac-claiming for Damages

Maya Glaspie has a Close Encounter with Glenn Close's thrilling legal drama, new to BBC1

T

DAMAGED: Proof that mentoring can be taken too far.

he legal drama is one of TV’s most hackneyed genres, a carefully crafted denouement is often a mishmash of weary plot-lines loosely bound together by the lead actor’s reputation.

Yet, within the first half hour of the Damages pilot (first aired in July 2007), I was interested, very interested. The cinematography and editing are sharp and creative, the credit sequence alone is more edgy than a whole episode of Law and Order.

FX, the network that gave us the gritty glamour of acclaimed Nip/Tuck has again hit a high note with legal thriller Damages starring Glenn Close and newcomer Rose Byrne. Depicting the dark, dog-eat-dog world of highstakes litigator Patty Hewes (Close) and her new associate Ellen Parsons (Byrne), Damages is brimming with great dialogue, stellar performances and an addictive plot line.

Most famous for her psychotic, bunny boiling Alex Forrest in Fatal Attraction, Glenn Close brings a bit of movie star quality to Damages. Glenn Close is a formidable actor, her intense portrayal of the cut-throat, calculating Patty Hewes is realistic to the point that it’s just a little terrifying. Her character is somewhat reminiscent of power houses Hillary Clinton and Martha Stewart, embodying their ‘woman in a man’s world’ attitude.

Hewes is an interesting contrast to Australian native Rose Byrne’s idealistic, yet not naive Ellen Parsons.

The relationship between Hewes and Parsons follows the typical plot formula of older, pessimistic boss and young,

hopeful protégé. However, as the series progresses and moves into a second season the characters develop in original and unexpected ways.

The first season of Damages sets ‘ice-queen’ Hewes and her young protégé Parsons up against arrogant businessman Arthur Forbisher (an aging Ted Danson). They lock horns in a seemingly impossible fraud case during which neither side plays by the rules.

Damages contains all the vital dramatic components: murder, adultery, betrayal, suicide. No character escapes with his hands clean. With the plot in constant motion back and forth through time, the audience is left bewildered as to who does what and when. This erratic

“

The credit sequence alone is more edgy than a whole episode of Law and Order" narrative formula heightens suspense and further blurs the good guy-bad guy distinction. The season finale will leave you clamouring for more.

Season two begins just a month after where the first left off, introducing a set of intriguing new characters, including a mysterious man from Patty’s murky past played by another film veteran, William Hurt. With innovative writing and judicious casting, Damages succeeds in putting a dark twist to genre that was threatening to become another form of light entertainment.

MORRISSEY WHAT a strange word to start a TV article with – rather like Shakespeare starting one of his plays with, ‘Anyway...’) once said that when fellow musicians try to play him some of their work, he always asks what it’s called. If it hasn’t got a title yet, he refuses to hear it. Perhaps this tells you more about the wrinkly-faced abstruseness of Morrissey than anything else.

For the sake of this article, let’s hope not.

He might be onto something, for name maketh the thing. This is not a new concept, in fact, there’s something quite Christian in the idea that existence can only be granted through baptism. To the artist the name is yet another hook by which he or she can reach out and grab the wavering, impatient consumer who’s already got a stack of novels to plough through and has, in any case, heard on Newsnight Review that you are, actually, a bit shit.

How far do you think Ox. Eagle. Lion.

Man would have got if they’d simply been called The Abstract Tangibles like every other band out there? It bought them six months at least. Shame about how they turned out, we really thought that with a name that good, they might actually be good.

Consider, The One Show. How much does the guy who thought up that name need something slipped into his morning mug of knob juice? Factually, it’s flawless; it is a show, it is on Channel One, and, well, it is a 'The'. But come on. You’re not going to convince me that the same organisation that can generate a new reality TV show every 45 minutes can’t summon the imagination to give a prime-time show a proper title?

It’s a disease that appears to be spreading. TV schedules are afflicted by puritanical titles that consider any function beyond simple description a grievous extravagance. The Culture Show. Yawn. My Family. Groan. That show where Stephen Fry’s, like...in America?

If all this sounds like self-indulgent irrelevance, then consider: is it a coincidence that so much groundbreaking television has been thoughtfully named? Monty Python’s Flying Circus, Auf Wiedersehen Pet, Brass Eye: the best titles evoke the very flavour of the show they describe. They constitute an art form in themselves. Imagine trying to get some of those titles past a committee these days: “Brass Eye? What the arse is one of those? Let’s just call it The Chris Morris Show...”

Never let it be said that naming something as expensive and artistically intensive as a TV show is an ex post facto formality. A lazy, careless name is often indicative of a lazy, careless show. Shakespeare may have written: “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Anyway...”, but he’s really not the greatest authority on this subject. Look at the groundbreaking, visionary title he crafted for his story about two lovers called Romeo and Juliet. Honestly, Will.

Pull thy finger out.

Tuesday February 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org

culture@studentnewspaper.org

18 Review

Film GRAN Torino

Directed by Clint Eastwood

 ran Torino, Clint Eastwood’s latest G as director and supposedly his last as actor, initially seems to position Walt

Kowalski, the film’s grizzled war veteran protagonist, as something approaching ‘Dirty Harry-grown-up’. Grumbling, world-weary and exhibiting a comprehensive, battle-hardened lack of sympathy for life and all its inhabitants, Kowalski’s pugilistic pensioner is seemingly Calahan gone cantankerous. He spits venom at “the unspeakables”, immigrants infesting his neighbourhood like an inexorable poison; he yearns for days when he might be lucky enough to see just one other white face; he despises the loud Asian family who have recently moved in next door; he pours vicious scorn on the suburban gangs who force him to carry a loaded shotgun at all times; he loathes his two sons and their incessant visiting; he cannot stand the Catholic priest who door-steps him every other day offering advice on how to cope with the death of his wife.

Eastwood’s unmoving features, drowned in lines full of inexpressible contempt for his fellow man, are as perfect for the role of Walt Kowalski as they were for DCI Harry Calahan over thirty years ago, and it’s true that Walt does echo Clint’s earlier creation on occasion, but the two characters are far from being the same man.

Whereas Calahan’s sharp-suited vigilante believed in a mission, a reason for his gun-packing existence in San Francisco’s underbelly, Kowalski is simply waiting to die, his racist zeal just a way of filling the gap; it’s certainly difficult to imagine Walt’s embittered widower believing in such ideals as Calahan’s “luck”. He’s miserable rather than malicious, despite first impresCHE: PART two

sions.

Walt’s character arc, essentially the foundation of the picture as a whole, is a little too convenient perhaps, but handled admirably by Eastwood, who imbues his performance with an endearing soft comedy and is the reason this redemptive tale manages to approach something like plausibility. It’s not difficult to conceive of the film in a less deft director’s hands being trite, offensive and entirely bereft of worth whatsoever. But Eastwood the director and Eastwood the actor together ensure it is a nuanced tale shot through with subtleties that makes it to the screen,

not the simplistic redemption story that Gran Torino could so easily have been. Thus the inevitable one-last-fight plot structure, whilst certainly present, feels neither contrived nor forced, only grandstanding, revelling; if audiences aren’t on their feet as the credits roll then it’s likely they lack a heartbeat.

If this is to be Eastwood’s valedictory performance it’s a fine one indeed. If not, then all the better for cinema audiences worldwide. The actor’s delivery of a simple line such as ‘Get…off…my…lawn’, an order barked tersely through gritted teeth at the ‘Chink thugs’ attempting to steal

his beloved Gran Torino, reverberates violently with all the steely-eyed conviction of Calahan’s endlessly-imitated ‘Do ya feel lucky punk? Well do ya?’ of thirty years before. It’s a role that would undeniably be perfect as a send-off but also one that reaffirms the man’s true abilities as an actor. This is far from a cringe-worthy final salute or a painful vanity project, the fact that Kowalski’s character does echo Eastwood’s legacy coincidence rather than conscious scripting.

Here then is a film that at times seems like a rescued project-in the hands of another director or cast the story could

skulk around in forests, ambushing soldiers and trying to sell the revolution to peasants.

But from the beginning it's clear that this is going to end badly. Che has forgotten his inhaler and is frequently incapacitated by asthmatic wheezing; the band is wracked by infighting; and the suspicious locals mistake the revolutionaries for drug dealers. More ominously, the CIA are seen (in rare non-jungle

scenes) promising the Bolivian government assistance in counter-terrorism.

As the months tick by, Che's gang is diminished by desertion, reduced to eating its own horses, and constantly one step behind a well-trained army benefitting from US intelligence. Desperation tightens around them like a noose. Che tells his followers that they will become "the purest a man can be": he means purity through discipline and devotion to

their revolutionary goal, but the audience suspects that in this case,"pure" merely means "dead".

Che moves ponderously to its conclusion - and it's slowness that characterises what's best about the film. The most memorable images are all of things moving slowly: the wind blowing in the treetops, seen from the perspective of a dying revolutionary; the band moving so slowly through a moonlit stream that

Directed by Stephen soderbergh



he Argentine", the first part of "T Stephen Soderbergh's four-hour Che Guevara biopic, told the story of

the revolutionary's role in Fidel Castro's rise to power by focussing on the daily hardships of life in a single-minded revolutionary cadre.

"Guerrilla", the concluding instalment, is an account of Che's fatal last campaign, his attempt to overthrow the Bolivian government in 1967. It is similarly unromantic in style, but far gloomier in outlook.

In "the Argentine", the action was interrupted by flash-forwards depicting a visit Che made to the UN, which gave Soderbergh a chance to show Guevara's poetic side (revolutionaries, he says, "are guided by great feelings of love.") Part 2 offers no such respite from a story which is remorselessly fatalistic.

Little time is wasted setting up the plot: Fidel Castro tells a crowd that Guevara has left Cuba to "spread the revolution abroad"; the next thing we know we've skipped a few years (and a failed coup-attempt in the Congo), and Che is sneaking into Bolivia disguised as a balding doctor.

From that point it's a familiar scenario for anybody who saw the first film - and probably quite confusing for those who didn't. Che and his band

so easily have been undone by crude comedy or trite sentimentality-and as such does not always feel fully-formed, but it’s ultimately executed with terrific panache and skill, any shortcomings soon forgotten. That this was filmed so soon after Changeling, another absolute success but a picture really quite distinct tonally, is testament to Eastwood's skill behind and, as Gran Torino proves, in front of the camera.

Clint Eastwood’s final project? Let’s hope not.

Tom MacDonald they barely disturb the surface.

Even battle scenes seem sedate: Soderbergh eschews the panicky, panting, hand-held shots employed in most war-films since Saving Private Ryan in favour of a less visceral, but equally gripping, detachment. Even explosions are carefully framed. The audience isn't supposed to feel it's among the fighting, but to see these events in their full context.

The film keeps this Olympian distance even with regard to its protagonist.

Del Toro does a good job of both the charismatic leader and the doomed hero, but we're offered no revealing dialogue to show a glimpse of the man behind the iron determination, scarcely even a close-up shot. Soderbergh excuses this by reference to Che's own collectivism: his subject was a group in service of an impersonal goal; why should he diminish the goal by subordinating it to one character?

He does relent somewhat come the conclusion. The camera at last lingers on a wounded Che as he's surrounded by cautious soldiers; come the denouement we witness the execution through his eyes, last breath and all.

Che makes no attempt to get to the bottom of a character, or to place the events depicted in context (a fact which has angered critics of Guevara the ruthless politician). But this remains an austere and starkly beautiful attempt to tell a story truthfully, without yielding to sentimentality.

Ed Ballard

Love your popcorn? film@studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday February 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org

Review 19 NEWS ENCOUNTERS OF THE FILM KIND GUEST-DIRECTED BY STEVEN SPIELBERG

 EVER SINCE I made my feature film debut as Jason Voorhees in Friday the 13th I've loved movies. The gore, the gratuitous sex, the swearing...I knew this was the industry for me. Granted, I fumbled rather with my first attempt to enter the 'slasher' genre, E.T: The extraterrestrial, though if you watch it again you'll notice there's a racist subtext there. It's actually one of my naughtier projects. Even more so than Schindler's List, which had full-frontal nudity.

Someone who's in a certain amount of trouble himself this week is highkicking dinner-party-guest-from-hell Jackie Chan, whose latest film The Shinjuku Incident has been declared "too bloody for release" by the Chinese government's film board. Declared too violent by a nation regularly con-

demned for its 'alleged' use of torture and numerous human rights offences?

I want to see that film.

A Chinese national not renowned for his violence ('not renowned' does not mean 'not guilty of excessive...' mind) is director Ang Lee, apparently lined up to direct an adaptation of Yann Martel's blood-soaked 2004 massacre-account Life of Pi. Out damned spot! Out damned spot! ...Forgive me please, it's just I sometimes...I...Anyway, the venerable Mr Lee hopes to get the actually-rathersweet tale of a lone survivor's adventures aboard an abandoned freighter also occupied by a Bengal Tiger, Zebra and Orangutan on screens by this August.

Oh bloody hell! He's only gone and done it! Schwarzenegger's only gone and bloody joined that elite band of buggering Expendables in Stallone's mega-project, y'know the one that follows the toppling of a dictator by pretty much every action star EVER. Oh Schwarzy! You've really made my

day. Apparently he'll be playing the role of "myself " too, which is a bit weird but infinitely cool nonetheless.

Once again, BEST. CAST. EVER. I'm hoping for lots of blood in this one kids...p.p.s. why have you invited every septuagenarian steroid-stuffer in Hollywood aside from me? I look pretty damn good stripped to the waist and oiled-up liberally, let me tell you.

Lucas will attest to that. He's my best friend. But I don't want anything more personally.

Out damned spot! Out damned spot! ...As for me, I'm currently still hard at work on my 3D Tintin project with Peter Jackson but looking to shoot my long-mooted Abraham Lincoln epic immediately afterwards, with Liam Neeson in the title role. He got the part on the back of his performance in Taken. That was great. Yes. Well...it's been an absolute honour.

Steven frickin' Spielberg

You get that thing away from me right now. "But it's just a beard!"

YARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Pirates! (L-R) Serious Somali; Swedish Internet Pirates from filesharing website, the Pirate Bay; filthy, erotic, Disney Pirate played by Johnny Depp f you’re going to found one of the Iternet, biggest file-sharing sites on the inwhere hundreds of thousands

of dirty rotten scoundrels exchange pirated material (the usual films, music, porn and so on), the least you can do is be subtle about it. The Pirate Bay, a site adhering to every one of the aforementioned qualities, is anything but subtle. Seconds after entering the site - by cleverly clicking the large pirate-ship icon on the homepage - one find a blog in which where founders, Fredrik Neij, Peter Sunde, and Gottfrid Warg, enthusiastically ridicule the Swedish authorities and their attempts to shut them down.

The site, which caters to 15 million users, provides a directory of links

PUSH

DIRECTED BY PAUL MCGUIGAN



n 1945 the Nazis carried out IA conventional some experiments, we are told… beginning to a film

which sets out to convince audiences of the existence of a US government agency where the unfortunates subject to the aforementioned ‘experiments’, imbued with superhuman abilities, run proceedings. That force consists of clairvoyant ‘watchers’, telekinetic ‘movers’, invisible ‘shadows’, ‘sniffers’ (well…they sniff things…the producers were obviously becoming a little desperate at this point) and many other variously gifted people granted specific powers designed to bring down enemies. The title of the film derives from the ‘pushers’ group, ‘mind controllers’ with the ability to place false thoughts and random memories into people’s heads.

The lucky ones, those who manage to avoid being caught and sent

to websites where the downloading of pirated films can take place, which means that none of the material is actually hosted on the servers of the Pirate Bay, making it impossible to convict Neij et al. The founders are currently facing charges of ‘assisting making available copyright material’ but don’t seem too worried, even with giants such as MGM and Columbia Pictures breathing down their necks.

They see it more as a cheeky slap in corporate America’s face. They sail the high seas of legal charges, challenging authority and getting away with it. In these respects at least, the three Swedish men bare a strong resemblance to their swashbuckling namesakes.

Although pirates have never been to the laboratories of the Division, a less-than-sympathetic government organisation, wander the streets among us avoiding detection. After a dramatic introduction delivered by a ‘watcher’ named Cassie (Dakota Fanning), one which promises much in the next ninety minutes, the story quickly unravels.

Dakota Fanning manages to bring a modicum of freshness to what is a far from revolutionary story, Cassie’s quirks and occasional drunkenness (another example of producers getting desperate again?), not letting the film drag too much in its romantic plotline.

Furthermore, there are enough twists in the script to engage viewers till the end, though on occasion these feel a little forced.

Push, however, never quite escapes the shadow of TV’s Heroes, providing a similar level of entertainment and leaving far too many strings untied, with the intention that this should become a franchise irritatingly clear. However, based on this, a sequel is unlikely. And that’s ultimately no great loss.

Helen Harjak

as popular as gangsters or superheroes, the lovable rogues still hold a special place in our hearts. A survey of the average George Square-wandering student will reveal a wide range of pirate heroes, the favourites being Captain Hook (Peter Pan), Dread Pirate Roberts (The Princess Bride), Captain Hook (Hook), Captain Barbossa (Pirates of the Caribbean) and, obviously, Captain Jack Sparrow. These are men who bring something extra to the role, instead of just shouting ‘YAAAR!’ whenever appropriate.

In 1995, US$100 million was spent on Cutthroat Island (starring Geena Davis), a film that made just $10 million at the box office and bankrupted Carolco Pictures. It was heralded as

the film that killed the pirate. But those smelly, drunken bastards never stay down for long and in recent years (or, more precisely, since 2003, when the first Pirates of the Caribbean hit our screens) they’ve made a huge comeback. So, what are the best pirate films, guaranteed to shiver yer timbers?

Hook sees Robin Williams depict a middle-aged Peter Pan as a beergutted loafer, afraid of flying and well past his prime. When he returns to Neverland to visit Wendy (Maggie Smith), Hook (Dustin Hoffman) kidnaps Pan’s children, hoping to provoke a confrontation. Scenes like Hook’s lesson on ‘why parents hate their children’ make this a classic.

Peter Pan; we all know the story and,

granted, it doesn’t exactly show pirates in the best light, but at least it gave us Hook and Smee…that’s really all you need to know.

Treasure Island: easily dismissed as a made-for-TV production, its fantastic cast (Charlton Heston, Christian Bale before he learnt how to swear, Oliver Reed, and Christopher Lee) can’t be faulted, acting out the best loved pirate story of all time with real panache.

Captain Blood is a flash back to the pirate films of the 1930s-1950s when pirates were noble, and every captain was Errol Flynn and every damsel Maureen O’Hara. The film follows Irish swashbuckler Dr. Blood, wrongfully accused of treason, who through a series of exciting events, becomes a pirate captain, saves a colony, and manages to get the proverbial girl. It sounds ridiculous, but it wasn’t handed a Best Picture nomination for nothing.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. A surprise hit on its release, the combination of endlesslyquotable lines, Hans Zimmer’s soaring score, revolutionary special effects, and, most importantly, Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack Sparrow, this is the pinnacle of all pirate movies.

Now, bring us that horizon, find the rum, and drink up, me hearties!

Shan Bertelli

Tuesday February 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org

20

music@studentnewspaper.org

Review

MUSIC

Duff BRITs uffy was the big winner last D Wednesday at the BRITs, winning three gongs for Break-

through Act, Best Album, and Best Female, while Coldplay and Take That were the big losers, both bands walking away empty handed. Poor old Chris Martin and co. had flown in from Japan especially, and the Coldplay frontman admitted that it had been a "shit day". Well, you know what, Chris? I feel your pain.

I'd hate to go to Japan and the Brit Awards ceremony. All those free drinks, the aftershow party: it must be awful. Especially having won 3 awards at the Grammys, a far more creditable event. Coldplay's Viva la Vida has seen a considerable rise in sales since the BRITs, and considering that it has already sold 7 million copies, Chris Martin really shouldn't be too unhappy.

Most fans and critics agree that it is far from being their best album.

In fact much of its success has come from the strength of its singles, with much of the rest of the album lacking in quality.

There were two good pieces of news this year: Elbow winning Best British Group and Paul Weller winning Best British Male. A string of significantly large bets were placed on the Modfather prior to the event, causing William Hill to take immediate action and suspend betting. The bookmakers lost £20,000 and are convinced that advance information was leaked to a few gamblers. The rest of the industry lost £80,000, bringing the total loss to £100,000. I think it's fair to say that only William Hill et al deserve to say they had a "shit day".

Other news came in the form of Bono confessing to "wanting to be in Girls Aloud". “They are a great band and deserve to be centre stage," he said. “They have everything a pop band should have — songs, the look, it’s all there.” So does that explain the eyeliner, then?

This could well be the first step in Bono's attempt to become a tranny.

If he gets boobs, don't be surprised, the man's clearly on a mission.

JS

Selected winners Best British Group Elbow British Male Solo Artist Paul Weller British Female Solo Artist Duffy International Group Kings of Leon Outstanding Contribution Pet Shop Boys

ONLY GIRLS ALLOWED,

Album of the week POLLY SCATTERGOOD Polly Scattergood MUTE

 rawing on D both the tradition of

confessional female singersongwriters and contemporary developments in electronic music, Polly Scattergood has been christened by the music press as the latest lovechild of Kate Bush and Björk. The resulting music is not a million miles from that of Imogen Heap, but whereas the core of Heap’s music lies in its experimentation with the quirkier reaches of electronica, Scattergood’s music is focused firmly around her achingly plaintive delivery of frankly honest lyrics.

Open and vulnerable, Scattergood pours her heart out in a way not seen since Tori Amos’ early work, which her eponymous debut in many ways recalls. Scattergood often feels lonely and confused, whether discussing dying relationships, having sex with people you don’t love, or her own, sometimes high, defences. While it is an intensely personal record that passionately conveys a sometimes embarrassingly desperate need for love and companionship, it remains

POLLY SCATTERGOOD: The next Tori Amos? engaging throughout.

So far, so Tori Amos; but the electronic aspect of Scattergood’s music brings something new and different to the genre. Lingering sonic echoes, dissonant drones and crashes of thunder add another layer to songs that refuse to be classified as piano-led ballads: opening track ‘I Hate the Way’ sets the tone of the album with a last minute explosion of electronically-processed anger.

After this follows a six-song roller-

coaster through the inner workings of her frequently-pained psyche before the album reaches a climax on the eighth and ninth tracks.

The more upbeat ‘Bunny Club’ and ‘Nitrogen Pink’ see Scattergood finally in the driving seat, defiant and self-assured with a wit and musical subtlety that Lily Allen could only dream of. But in a striking twist, Scattergood dramatically undercuts this mood of triumph by stripping everything away in final

track ‘Breathe In Breathe Out.’ On this hauntingly simple lament for a lost love, Scattergood lays herself bare and reveals an enduring pain below the confident bluster that preceded it. Perhaps even more so than the rest of the album, ‘Breathe In Breathe Out’ commands your full attention. This is an impressive, self-assured debut.

John Sannaee

Single reviews KASMS

U2

THE PRODIGY

MORRISSEY

Bome You

Get On Your Boots

Omen

Throwing My Arms Across Paris

TROUBLE RECORDS

UNIVERSAL





ast London is full of this sort he future needs a big kiss/ E of thing at the moment, drony "T Winds blow with a twist" is gothic post-punk played by inconthe opening couplet of U2's lead ceivably skinny types with dyed black hair. Some of it is excellent, O Children for one, manage to tinge it all with a raised eyebrow and a fine pop sensibility, whilst acts such as S.C.U.M. have also been tipped for great things this year. Kasms fit nicely into this little group, and sound like a lot like Fever To Tell-period Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Pretty Girls Make Graves with serrated guitars and screechy girl vocals. This is exhilarating stuff, but perhaps full judgement should be preserved for their debut LP, out in spring.

single from their 12th studio album.

What does it mean? Nothing. What does Bono think it means? We dread to think, but you can guarantee he's sure it's big and clever. To make matters worse his delivery on this—which is effectively psuedorapping—is so obviously the work of an old guy who's trying far too hard to sound cool. It's hilarious for a minute, but then you just start wishing he'd shut up and pay his taxes. 'Get On Your Boots' may have a half-decent riff, but it's completely lacking in substance.

AC

AC

TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL

DECCA





retty standard Prodigy this: P lots of shouting, nonsensical slogans and a video where they do

n the absence of your love/And ‘I in the absence of human touch.’

No change in subject matter then?

that ‘whooooooooarrr’ thing at the camera, whilst a tinny synth plays four notes over super-speed drum ‘ n’bass. Oh and lots of industrial sounding…‘things.’ The sort of material that to some bone-headed individuals constitutes ‘a club anthem,’ but to us is just, well…noise.

We know we sound like granddads, but we’re happy that way. Anyway, ‘Firestarter’ it isn’t and The Prodigy should probably stop trying. These guys are pushing forty, and should really know better. What happened to growing old gracefully?

AC

Morrissey is still miserable, and probably still only has seven friends, but you’ve gotta love the moany bastard. In this, the lead single from new album Years Of Refusal, he’s throwing his arms around Paris because ‘only stone and steel accept my love.’ Er, whatever you say, Morrissey. This recalls that Channel 4 documentary of last year in which a woman falls in love with the Eiffel Tower and tries to marry it. I realise Moz probably doesn’t mean it that literally, but you never know. I think we should hook them up.

AC

Don't go anywhere without your iPod? music@studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday February 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org

Review 21

Emmy the Great lives up to her name

Recommended tracks

Emmy the great Cabaret Voltaire monday 16th February

Things we've been listening to this week, both old and new.

 bviously a bit pissed off at both O big record labels and the 'folk' tag which is constantly attached to her

name, Emmy The Great has had the common sense and integrity to release her debut on the label she set up, Close Harbour. From the evidence of both this gig and her album, her patience has been rewarded. As impressive she is at Cabaret Voltaire, however, her other bandmates, Euan Hinshelwood, Tom Rogerson, Ric Hollingberry and Pete Baker, are the unsung heroes here, making these songs even richer and more immediate than the album versions.

Backed by the guitarist, drummer, keyboard and violin players, Emma Lee-Moss’s restrained voice – almost sing-speak – appears more confident and assured. Tonight, she performs almost all of her debut, First Love, with aplomb – appearing completely at ease with the headline slot on the bill.

As you might have guessed, her name is a bit of an ironic joke; she doesn't think she's that great. Actually, she has been known to talk down her songs and her own voice in particular, commenting in a recent track-by-track analysis of her album on DrownedInSound: "Recently, I heard myself speaking and was so taken aback I had to sit down. In my head I sound like Roger Moore giving a lecture on being important, but in reality it’s more like a baby puking into Renée Zellweger’s mouth."

Asked by Virtual Festivals whether positive feedback surprises her, she said “I don’t think you should quote

the pains of being pure at heart - young adult friction (the pains of being pure at heart) Student Music haven't felt remotely gooey or romantic since high school. Well, at least that was until we heard this, the best song from a stunning album that melds MBV, B&S and Teenage Fanclub into perfect teen summer anthems.

My bloody valentine - only shallow (loveless) We're not at all obsessed about The Pains. Nope, not enough to re-visit My Bloody Valentine's best album.

Er...

this but I think most people who buy my records must be stupid. I was on 6Music the other day and the guy had to play my song because it was on the playlist. He said something really rude about it and also said it must be a bad day for the setlist and I thought, I respect this fellow. He’s not going along with popular opinion – he can see it for what it truly is. Me and him could have a real chat about music.”

There’s a charm and humility to her inbetween song banter with the audience that reflects the playfulness and conversational tone of her lyrics, which, although heavily focused on

the trials and pains of young love - what else would you expect from a new female singer-songwriter? -, bring a freshness and wit. The crowd warms to her instantly because she breaks down those barriers between artist and music fan. Her re-writing of Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’ on ‘First Love’ is the ideal case in point: a song which reproduces Cohen’s melody and one of his lines (“it’s a sad and it’s a broken hallelujah”), integrating these elements into a personal narrative on a new relationship. ‘MIA’ also depends upon pop culture references to deliver its hooks; this time Emmy sings about

a car journey in the rain, listening to M.I.A., and wanting to be home.

The song’s chorus is one of the most memorable, sing-along moments of the gig. The bittersweet ‘We Almost Had A Baby’ is also a notable stand-out, a song featuring Emmy’s most personal, direct lyrics to date on maturing into womanhood: “I’m not the girl you remember from the start/I was only a baby/Now I’m what you made me”.

Hopefully this is only the beginning of a long career for Emmy the Great.

Jonny Stockford

the coast aporia records

T

he current Canadian music scene has more depth than emo lyrics and a Tracey Emin painting combined (apparently that’s quite deep).

There is just something in the air, or perhaps more importantly, the sea. The latest mature, informed and artistically progressive band to emerge from the home of Maple Syrup is The Coast, a Toronto band sounding like the offspring of an orgy involving Ryan Adams, Thom Yorke, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and Mercury Rev. Basically, it’s college indie with soundscapes and ambition.

As a debut album, ‘Expatriate’ is strikingly mature and accomplished, especially when compared to those of current UK indie favourites.

Think Bloc Party if they had discovered psychedelia instead of electro and you get close. All eleven tracks are over three minutes long and not once does The Coast settle for simplicity. More conventional indie-rock songs such as ‘No Secret Why’ and the anthemic ‘Killing Off Our Friends’ are obvious highlights but there is so much more; the dancy indie of opener ‘Tightrope’, the darker sounds of ‘Nueva York’ and ‘The Moon is Dead’, the

Spacey prog rock, and the good sort. Coming on like a disco Battles, this epic from their split with the also-great Zombi is a joy.

The Maccabees - No Kind words (New Album tbc) The masters of indie pop are back with this rhythmic, brooding track.

A welcome return.

Doves - kingdom of rust (kingdom of rust) Another comeback here, excellent title track from one of the most consistent British bands around.

Expatriate



Maserati - Monoliths/ Thieves (Maserati/Zombi Split)

laidback grooves of closer ‘All the Boys’ to name but a few. However, perhaps best of all is ‘Song for Gypsy Rose Lee’, a quiet, atmospheric song where the band sounds like a more upbeat Yankee Hotel Foxtrot-era Wilco.

The album is undoubtedly topheavy, with only ‘Killing Off Our Friends’ and ‘Floodlights’ standing out in the second half, but The Coast can be forgiven for this on a debut album of such quality and aspiration. The album’s title ‘Expatriate’ raises hopes of an English migration but somehow you can’t imagine The Coast being inspired by the white cliffs of Dover, or writing songs about ‘Nueva Quay’. So for now, we will just enjoy this highly promising debut album and put our faith in the Pigeon Detectives’ next album. Or on second thoughts maybe just move to Canada; I hear the weather’s a bit like Edinburgh.

Matthew Oldfield

new order - subculture (lowlife) When you listen to New Order, it's hard to believe that such a celebratory electronic band could have emerged from such dark beginnings. Great bassline on this one.

Beyoncé - single ladies (Put a ring on it) (i am... sasha fierce)

Videoof

theweeK

Why does she bother with ballads?

This is what Beyoncé's best at: insistent, catchy, beat-driven pop.

It's almost as good as Amerie's 1 Thing. But not quite.

Empire of the sun - walking on a dream (Walking on a dream)

chairlift Evident Utensil

he second single from Chairlift's T rather good second album Does You Impress You has been made into a

psychedelic digital video. Perhaps worried that they'd be recognised only for 'Bruises', a song that gained the band interest and plaudits last year after featuring on iPod Nano adverts, the band have gone for the trippiest video of the year award. It's a pixelated mess unless seen in high definition, where it becomes a clever piece of multicoloured visual meltdown. Shots of band mem-

bers Aaron Pfenning, Caroline Polachek, and Patrick Wimberly—often seen crawling in long grass...don't ask—break down and morph into new shots, faces and limbs emerging out of the rainbow trails of pixelated colour. Expect to be gawping at your screen in disbelief or more likely shaking it to see if it's faulty. It's not: this really is a headscratcher of a video.

Like the song itself, it really doesn't make much sense, but who cares: it's an attention-grabber.

The collaborative project between Pnau’s Nick Littlemore and Luke Steele of The Sleepy Jackson have already released this a cracking pop song. The lyrics are scarily similar to The Spice Girls' 2 Become 1, though.

EMMY the great - mia (first love) One of the best songs by the funny and likeable London singer.

Tuesday February 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org

culture@studentnewspaper.org

22 Review

culture BOOK WORM . . .

The hole truth

Don't expect flowers and chocolates from Sara D'Arcy as she wishes us all a Happy V-Day.

V

Bodies

By Susie Orbach. £10.99 rrp. Profile Books.

 t’s been 31 years since Susie Iingly-titled Orbach published the arrestFat Is A Feminist Issue.

The book contained the revelatory hypothesis that some women overeat not because of greed, but because of an unconscious desire to be androgynously fat, and so disguise their femininity from a society that subjugates them. The book’s continuing appeal is not just due to Orbach’s superb writing, but to the fact the problems she outlined are still present today. Indeed, in her new book, Bodies, Orbach perceives these problems to have mushroomed; fat is no longer just a feminist issue but a universal issue.

The central thesis of Bodies is that in a post-industrialist age, our bodies are no longer producers, but products in themselves. The decline of manual labour in our society robs us of the sense of utility in our bodies, and they become merely items for display. The effect of this, Orbach writes, can be seen in the existing endemic of diets, cosmetics, and plastic surgery; an entire industry built upon bodily discontent. It is the industry itself that perpetuates this discontent, circulating images of perfection through advertising and the media.

It offers physical beauty, not as the sole domain of the genetically fortunate, but a viable, even necessary, quality everyone can possess; nurture is taking over from nature.

Like Freud before her, Orbach illustrates her theory of the norm with examples from the abnormal: plastic surgery addicts and six year old anorexics. Her effective blend of individual examples and a broader cultural perspective renders the book compulsively readable.

Yet Bodies ultimately offers little solution for the problems it depicts so succinctly, beyond a world-weary sigh and tut. This leads to the question of how much a book can achieve in just exposing a dilemma; how can we prevent ourselves from being manipulated by images in this way? I would suggest it is our very awareness of this manipulation that renders it obsolete; actions may speak louder than words, but there is a reason books are the first thing the fascists burn.

Anyone who reads Bodies cannot fail to approach an advert or a product with a revitalized skepticism, and to gain a new regard for the manner in which they occupy their own body.

Catherine Sylvain

agina. There, I said it. Yet it still resonates a feeling of ‘the unmentionable’ a decade after The Vagina Monologues was first published in Britain.

While travelling around America, Eve Ensler, 'the vagina lady', had a conversation with an older woman about her vagina and was shocked by this woman’s frankness. This random conversation resulted in her gathering stories from 200 anonymous women regarding their thoughts about their vagina, relationships, sex and violence against women in a bid to reclaim the word and empower women's bodies.

Each monologue relates to women’s thoughts about their vagina, be it through the personification of the vagina, or stories of sex, rape, love, menstruation, relationships, orgasms and birth. Each represents a personal experience that is poignant in its simplicity, one that all women cannot help but relate to.

The Vagina Monologues highlights the suppression of women in society.

Women who are subject to violence at the hands of their parents, husbands and society, through genital mutilation, rape and punishment for natural bodily processes like menstruation.

Monologues shows that by telling these stories the women gained some control over their lives, by being proud and open about their bodies.

The Vagina Monologues grew from a publication into a performance and a day of celebration. On the 14th February in 1998 Ensler and feminist. com created V-Day, a global movement to raise awareness and money to help women and girls who suffer from domestic and sexual violence.

The “V” in V-Day, according to Ensler, stands for Valentine, Vagina, and Victory. Ensler said that “The greatest miracle, of course, is V-Day: an energy, a movement, a catalyst, a day to end violence toward womenborn out of The Vagina Monologues.”

It was first performed in New York with major celebrities like Glenn Close, Whoopi Goldberg and Winona Ryder performing the

monologues. Over $100,000 was raised for the V-Day charity and Glenn Close made V-Day history when her performance provoked 2,500 people to chant “cunt”, reclaiming one of the many derogatory words used to describe the vagina.

In 2008 alone, over 3,700 V-Day events took place across the world, while Ensler’s manifesto, to reclaim the vagina, has recurred repeatedly in literature. Most notably in Charlotte Roche’s debut novel, Wetlands and the collection of erotic stories, In Bed With, edited and written by the famous writers Imogen EdwardsJones, Jessica Adams, Ali Smith, Kathy Lette and Maggie Alderson.

Monologues still has a long way to go to reclaim women’s bodies from abuse in the public and private sphere.

Yet Ensler refuses to back down, declaring that “in order for the human race to continue, women must be safe and empowered. It’s an obvious idea, but like a vagina, it needs great attention and love in order to be revealed.”

new contemporaries

derived from his time spent travelling are strangely familiar but uncomfortably assembled, the electrifyingly painted objects sit bizarrely like totem poles from some ancient civilisation.

Alexander McAndrew’s interest in ‘mass manufactured plastic materials and dirty jokes’ places his odd bearmeets-dog image in another virtual reality and Ella Clogstoun’s stacked china tea-cups are a strange mix of kitsch, devotional Catholic faith and the semi-indigenous tribes of Mexico.

The central room acts as the RSA’s very own Turbine Hall; and Georgina Porteous’s giant balloon foetus is just as scary as Louise Bourgeois's menacing spider installation in the Tate Modern.

Hovering over everyone distractingly, it is as weird as you would expect.

The same can be said for Robert Black’s Madonna photographs adjacent to it. Black strips the familiar iconography of the virgin of all idealisation, so that his images become rather awkward viewing: repulsive and shocking, but captivating all the same.

uNTIL 25TH FEBRUARY ROYAL SCOTTISH ACADEMY

 A sense of calm and order has replaced the chaotic scramble of work that usually characterises the Royal Scottish Academy's ‘New Contemporaries’ exhibition. Now in its 35th year, Sir Robert Philipson and his troop of art tutors have given it a makeover - and it has never looked so good. The exhibition displays only the crème de la crème of new artists emerging from Scottish art schools. No need to wade through the piles of acrylic boards and papier mache sculptures talent spotting like some avid bargain-hunter at a jumble sale, this year’s ‘new contemporaries’ are represented in a sophisticated, coherent exhibition and subsequently their work seems far from amateurish.

Although the 54 students on show have been educated in Scotland, their work expands well beyond its parameters. John McLaren’s strange artefacts

The VAGINA MONOLOGUES RUN FINISHED EDINBURGH PLAYHOUSE

 In its 10th year of U.K. performances, one cannot help but ask, is The Vagina Monologues still relevant in a post-feminist world? After watching the opening night of Monologues at the Edinburgh Playhouse the question can only be answered in the affirmative.

The all-Scottish cast that included Gail Porter, Michelle McManus, Karen Dunbar and Kaye Adams brought the show right to the heart of Scotland. Monologues opened with a listing of the euphemisms that we use to avoid saying that word, which went local referencing the euphemism “spunk satchel” used in Portobello and “minge” in Porter’s household.

Dunbar is an instant favourite. She energises the crowd with her natural humour by unashamedly acting out a sex scene describing how the word

vagina ‘kills’ the act of lovemaking.

Dunbar quotes from the Monologues that it “doesn’t matter how many times you say it, it never sounds like a word you want to say” while nods from the mainly female audience certify that the vagina remains taboo.

The crowd ease themselves into the lucid monologues by giggling at the frequent use of “vagina”.

However, the intimacy created by the charisma of the cast and the personal nature of the monologues had audience members shouting “cunt” and screaming for the “clit fact” in the second half of the performance.

The monologues ranged in hilarity from Dunbar’s performance of “My Angry Vagina” with her aside that what our vaginas really want are “cotton panties with a rampant rabbit inside. Women would be coming all day long, coming in Asda...Clean up in aisle two”. To Porter’s more serious performance about victims of rape in refugee camps in Bosnia. To McManus’s “cunt-off ”, which incited massive applause and cheering in an audience that was formally shocked by the language. The modest black and red set created the desired effect by letting the actresses and the words of the Monologues do the talking.

The night reached its climax with Porter’s fearless performance of the “Triple Surprise Moan” which was enhanced by a small firework display in the backdrop while Porter ‘moaned in ecstasy’ on the floor.

This was an evening for women to celebrate their bodies in an empowering way. The giggles and exclamations from the largely older crowd still show that the liberation of the vagina is yet to be accomplished. The Monologues invites women and (some) men to open up about the mystery surrounding women’s bodies and the wonder that the vagina creates. The vagina, one woman explains in the Monologues, “wants everything”.

Left:The Vagina Lady: Eve Ensler.

Painting is the only medium which feels disappointingly neglected; emerging intermittedly, it is less inspirational and challenging than its three-dimensional counterparts. Fraser Gray’s spray painted figure with a dartboard in the centre is eye-catching thanks to only its massive scale; it fails to score a bulls-eye for execution. The others all seem to clutch at architecture for their theme, to the point where I question whether it belongs to fine art or with the scale drawings and maquettes.

Overall, the RSA’s New Contemporaries exhibition is a fantastic showcase of the extremely talented art students emerging from Scottish institutions. Grouped together in an applaudably well-curated space, it would be a shame to miss out on this first glimpse of artists ready to break into the artworld. Fear not if you do miss them, though: I doubt this will be the last we see of them.

Rachael Cloughton

Georgina Porteous Inflatable Foetus.

Photo : Ben Collins

culture@studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday February 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org

Review 23 Star Rating  Out of this world  Tyrannosaurus Rex  Steady Stegosaurus  Back in the Stone Age  Extinct

One book, one Edinburgh: The Lost World Luke Healy finds the spirit of our city's literary world Book Worm...

T

hose with an ear to the art world will recall the controversial nature of the recent campaign to save two Titian masterpieces for the nation.

While one side was adamant that the works in question were among the most important oil paintings in the history of the medium, and easily worth the £100 million asked for them; the other was disgusted that, with unemployment soaring, such a huge sum of public money should be spent on luxury goods.

BOOK WORM . . .

The Lost World

by Arthur Conan Doyle Oxford University Press, Free!

“

This is a tetchy time for big gestures of cultural expenditure. So how will Edinburgh react to the thousands of copies of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's novel The Lost World that have been produced - thanks to subsidies from the Scottish Arts Council and other organizations - for free distribution throughout the city? Will the scheme, branded The Lost World Read 2009, be welcomed as a timely celebration of the work of a great Edinburgh author?

Or will it be dismissed as a frivolous waste of the taxpayers' hard-earned cash?

This is a big project: Glasgow, Portsmouth, Bristol, Westminster, Shropshire, Hampshire and swathes of South-West England are also on board. A total of 200,000 free books

Craig Wilson

The Lost World Read 2009 is being called 'the UK's largest ever collaborative reading campaign. will be distributed over two months; in addition to which there will also be free reader's guides and speciallycommissioned 'quick-read editions'.

22 events, ranging from readings to shadow-puppet-theatre, have been scheduled to coincide with the scheme.

Lost World Read 2009 is being called 'the UK’s largest ever collaborative reading campaign'.

This is not unprecedented: similar schemes were realized in 2007 - which saw 10,000 free copies of Robert Louis Stevenson's Kidnapped distributed throughout Edinburgh, and 2008, carried out along similar lines with Stevenson's classic Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Nor is it arbitrarily timed: this year marks 150th since Conan Doyle's birth, and the scheme also coincides

with celebrations for Charles Darwin's 200th anniversary (a graphic biography of Darwin is also being distributed).

The Lost World - with its fantastical dramatization of the 'survival of the fittest' motif that created cultural shock waves following the 1859 publication of On the Origin of the Species - is one of the first and finest novels in the English language to use Darwinian ideas as a basis for its plot, themes and characters.

The public could hardly be more primed for a novel that explores the ramifications of these ideas: the creation-evolution debate has been one of this decade's most contested issues. Conan Doyle, moreover, seems a particularly fascinating figure for our times, as a man torn between reason

Paper Cinema One-off event February, 26th, 2009 Central Library



I

n accordance with the Lost World theme of this year’s ‘One Book - One Edinburgh’ Unesco reading campaign week, this paper puppet show was commissioned specially to bring an alternative dimension to Conan Doyle's story, originally written in 1912. And what better environment to host it than the queen of Bohemian hang-outs: the Forest Cafe.

Prior to the start of the performance, I am transported into a highly relaxed state by the wonderfully sensuous atmosphere, perhaps enhanced by the heady mix of warmth of a glass of wine or two. Several poets read their works on the theme of ‘Lostness’ –encompassing emotive subjects such as suicide and the loss of childhood; their voices are quite mesmeric. It all feels rather dreamy, which I suspect is the idea, for it is this state of mind which enables the paper puppets to do their magic and come to life,

captivating our attention, dragging us into the depths of their Lost World saga.

The obscure paper characters are complete with painstaking facial expressions and decorated with intricate patterns. They gently guide the audience through the fantastical story. The play starts with the introduction of Edward Malone; an intrepid explorer who embarks

on a perilous mission to impress the love of his life; Gladys Hungerton.

He joins a group of scientists embarking on a mission to South America and together they discover a secret dinosaur-inhabited world full of Pterodactyls. The plot twists and turns incorporating thrills of danger, excitement, tragedy and many unexpected surprises - all of which are portrayed through the unusual

(Sherlock Holmes, his most famous character, is one of English literature's foremost rationalists) and superstition (as well as following spiritualism, Conan Doyle believed in fairies throughout the later stages of his life).

The project is perfectly poised to allow thousands of children and adults to engage with one of the most vital issues of our times while simultaneously reinvigorating the communal origins of literature as story-telling around camp-fires. As UNESCO City of Literature, Edinburgh seems the perfect choice to sponsor The Lost World Read 2009. Ultimately, this is a celebration of reading that is completely free and accessible to all. I dare you to question the value of that.

medium of these little paper puppets.

Thanks to the clever use of thought bubbles and perspective techniques one cannot become bored with the 2D dimensions of the characters.

Interestingly, all the puppets and background pictures are black and white and are completely mute, extending an antique mime-like quality to the play. Simplistic use of acoustic guitar strumming in the background heightens the auditory aspect of the performance ensuring that it is not a solely visual experience. What is different about this play is that the absence of speech makes you concentrate harder on what is going on before your eyes –whereas in traditional plays it can be possible to turn off your attention.

However, be warned, preparation is the key to getting the most out of a paper puppet show. Had I arrived ignorant to the story in the first place, then I could have quite easily got lost in the first scene.

The paper puppet show can be interpreted as art-house theatre at its most obscure, but also at its best.

Juliet Evans

Arthur Conan Doyle’s The Lost World is a puzzling and engaging work of fiction. The elegant style Conan Doyle adopts is pivotal to the attraction of the piece, while fantastic ideas and visions are developed. Most entertaining are the characters whose strong descriptions build a platform for the plot to balance on. The enigmatic, headstrong Professor Challenger is a tiny man with vicious fists who beats up journalists. It illuminates ideas which were circulating at the time and can also be read simply as pure entertainment. A luscious landscape contains the usual power struggles as a small band of men push towards ‘knowledge’. The ways they regard other races does make for uncomfortable reading, as their experiences perhaps reveal more about themselves than those they gawp at. Classic adventure and survival collaborate, producing a page-turning read.

Christine Johnstone Analogous to a cross-breed of Heart of Darkness and The Time Machine, Doyle’s work is enjoyable on account of its powerful, cinematic descriptions of the exotic landscapes and characters.

The novel is a fast paced read without losing the significance of Doyle’s intentions in writing the novel. I found the novel particularly effective when it dealt with the evolution of mankind, which was the main thought provoking factor of the novel. The portrayal of the more learned characters as being inherently ridiculous, makes a farce of the notion that western man is the most advanced species on the planet.

So, despite the slightly dodgy science used to justify Challenger’s strange discovery, I would recommend reading this book, especially if you are inclined to get nostalgic about Jurassic Park.

Alanna Petrie Many books are said to capture the atmosphere of their era; none more so, it would seem, than Arthur Conan Doyle’s The Lost World. The essence of the Victorian fascination with dinosaurs is encapsulated in Doyle's 1912 science fiction novel.

The doubting public are proved wrong by Professor Challenger and co,, who travel to an dinosaur infested South American location.

The novel is a literature student’s dream with a faithful black negro servant named Zambo, a distinctly framed narrative and Darwinist principles at their most raw; ape fighting human in a bid for ultimate rule of the plateau.

The dinosaurs actually take a back seat for most of the novel, appearing less threatening than the apes. Nevertheless Doyle produces a classic adventure story, sparking the imagination while subtly raising contentious Victorian issues.

Emma Murray

Tuesday February 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org

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Want to geek out with us? Drop us a line at tech@studentnewspaper.org

Review

TECHNOLOGY TECH ME OUT NINTENDO EXECUTIVES took a break from swimming around in vats of money and smoking cigars rolled from 10,000 Yen notes to announce the release of the new DSi in Europe on April 3. It’s just like your regular old DS Lite, with some added features nobody wanted like two VGA cameras (which will make your friends look like characters from Duke Nukem 3D) and an SD card slot for loading your own music, for the five people in the world who haven’t bought an iPod yet.

Also included is a built-in web browser. Does anyone see the problem with using a miniscule stylus to surf the web on a teeny-tiny screen?

It’s like eating chow mein with only one chopstick: theoretically possible, but ultimately a pain in the arse when there are more sensible options available. I’ll admit there’s a charming novelty in changing my Facebook status to “Alan IS ON A DSI ANDITSNOT VERRY GOOD!” (sic) , but perhaps not worth the £150 asking price.

Following in the footsteps of Apple, Microsoft are opening their own chain of retail stores to "transform the PC and Microsoft buying experience"… in the middle of an emergent global recession that has seen several retailers on the verge of bankruptcy. Anything that helps consumer choice is a good thing and five minutes with Windows Vista should make the choice pretty clear: buy a Mac. Alan Williamson

WEBSITEOF THEWEEK

tinyurl.com/WriteOrDie

Putting the 'prod' into productivity UNDER THE mantra that an intangible reward is far less motivating than a tangible consequence, Write or Die encourages you to keep writing by reminding you in a variety of, well, interesting ways.

After setting your word count and allotted time, select one of the three possible punishments: Gentle pops up a window, asking you nicely to get back to work, Normal plays a jarring noise to snap you back to reality while the dreaded Kamikaze mode, in which I am frantically writing this, will begin deleting your work word by word.

As you type, an auto-copy function saves your work onto the clipboard should you accidently close the page: awfully kind of them, it's like a torture master offering to help pick up your books after he knocked you down with a piledriver.

Oh god, I've only got twenty seconds left but looking at the word count I have typed 220 words in ten minutes. Which is brilliant considering I sat for about ten minutes struggling to write anything about this site.

Craig Wilson

Fun by degrees: free web games

For The Musician: Auditorium

P

For The Scientist: www.playauditorium.com Phage Wars

art puzzle game, part musical symphony, Auditorium is the definition of a multi-sensory experience. The goal is to redirect a stream of light particles into audio-collectors using a variety of guides and modifiers. As each collector fills up, a new musical element fades into the sound. Quickly, a haunting piano loop is accompanied by rich cello bass lines in time with the visuals. When it all gets too challenging- and it will- you can just listen to the music and melt away.

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tinyurl.com/phagewars

hage wars is a strategy game about love. As a swarm of infested parasites, there is nothing you love more than to take over host cells and multiply, gaining in strength until you wipe out the competing infections. The biological battleground makes for a fast paced and often frenetic skirmish, where he who clicks and drags quickest wins.

For The Engineer: Launchball tinyurl.com/launchball

T

his is the second time we’ve covered Launchball in The Student and for two good reasons: it’s still an addictive physics-based puzzler that will eat up an entire afternoon, and we still haven’t completed it. Use a myriad of pieces including fans, bouncy blocks and almighty conductive copper to get a nondescript ball through an obstacle course. It’s like a cerebral pinball machine without obnoxious Lord of the Rings quotes blasting in your ears. You shall not pass… the stage with the light beam and mirrors.

For The Archaeologist: Dino Run

www.pixeljam.com/dinorun

1

00 million years ago, long before humans or Young Earth Creationism, dinosaurs ruled the land. Then a huge meteor crashed into the planet causing the dinosaurs to all flee in the same direction to avoid impending doom, eating eggs to improve their jumping height and earn bonus points- at least, that’s assuming Dino Run is an accurate depiction of events. Regardless, any game where dinosaurs run around wearing hats and eating each other is a must play.

For The Artist: Coign of Vantage tinyurl.com/cofvantage

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For The Philosopher: (I Fell in Love with) The Majesty of Colors tinyurl.com/majestyofcolors

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ess game and more interactive story, (I Fell in Love with) The Majesty of Colours has been described as “pretentious”, “pixel-horror” and “a bit slow” by pretentious, horrible and slow people. It’s haunting, intelligently crafted, open to interpretation and difficult to describe without spoiling the whole experience.

So go and play The Majesty of Colours before we put our foot in it and ruin things.

You won’t regret it. If you do, play it again until you don’t.

oign of Vantage is a game about perspective and composition.

An apparent mess of pixels hangs static in space in complete disarray, that is until you move the mouse. Doing so rotates your point of view allowing you to find the perfect angle to view the pixel cloud as a coherent flat image. This banks more time and another image to solve. Coign of Vantage is an excellent example of simple and elegant design coming together to create a fun little game with a unique perspective on things, in that you're not a space marine shooting aliens in the face.

Puzzles

“

I got dat drank. Dat purple drank." Leonardo da Vinci

Teasers

This Week's Horoscopes

Soothsaying by Henry Birkbeck and Fern Brady

AQUARIUS Jan 21—Feb 19

GEMINI May 22—June 21

LIBRA Sep 24—Oct 23

ley of the shadow of death, you take a look at your life and realise there's nothing left, cause you've been blasting and laughing for so long that even your momma think that your mind is gone. Still... never mind, eh?

into your life this week, so make sure to look your best. soon you'll be looking so good that another special someone will enter your life, and you'll mistakenly believe that you have the skill required to date two multiple special someones simultaneously, only to be proven wrong when they both dump you, also simultaneously. Unlucky.

clouds will clear and the sun will beat down on your face, filling you with hope and a little bit of colour. But don't bask too long in its glory - nobody likes a hedonist. Your face will burn, shrivel, and eventually fall off .

Ever tried living without a face? It's just not practical. Don't say the stars didn't warn you.

As you walk through the val-

PISCES Feb 20—Mar 20

A

grammatically-dubious and slightly racist ancient Chinese proverb says "man with one chopstick go hungry". This has very little to do with your week, however.

You'll probably overeat as usual, you fatty.

Best remember another ancient proverb: "crowded elevator smell different to midget".

Can't argue with the facts.

ARIES Mar 21—April 20

Headstrong and determined

as usual, you will slam down this paper in disgust. You wanted serious news coverage, damn it. Lots of it - fortnightly and in Berliner format. Not this self-indulgent whimsy... Fuck off and get something from the other stand then.

TAURUS April 21—May 21

Nothing

will change this week. Your money situation will still be middling to poor, your resolutions to start making a genuine effort on your course will fail and you will put off that exercise regime for another week when you look at yourself naked in the mirror and reason that your fatness has not yet reached the stage where people flat-out refuse to shag you.

A special someone will come

SCORPIO Oct 24—Nov 22

your stars would tell you how, like famous Cancerian Meryl Streep, you will be excited over a potential career success. Except while Streep's going to the Oscars, you'll be mildly pleased to get 69% in an essay. Pretty inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.

instinctively by a predatory sexual passion, this week sees you in danger of committing infidelity. Don't do it: the conquest in question will make really odd sex noises like an ascending arpeggio.

These will echo through your head in the weeks that follow, every time you gaze on your beloved's face.

LEO July 24—Aug 23

Love

often flowers in the strangest of places. This week, you'll look up from that Library Fine Appeal Form and into the eyes of a future love interest. That's right: the librarian. Well, not love, exactly, more Stockholm syndrome for a captor who, in this instance, wears horn-rimmed spectacles and holds the key to your £27.40 in reserve item fines.

VIRGO Aug 24—Sep 23

Y

ou're never going to dance again. Guilty feet have no rhythm. It's easy to pretend, you'll tell yourself, you know you're not a fool... Guess what: it's time to question your assumptions.

Sudoku is a logic-based number-placement puzzle. The objective is to fill the 9×9 grid so that each column, each row, and each of the nine 3×3 boxes (also called blocks or regions) contains the digits from 1 to 9 only once.

8

SAGITTARIUS Nov 23—Dec 21

You smell much worse than

9

2

8 9

7

7

8

2

8 4

9

4

3

4

1

6

3

3

The object of Hitori is to eliminate numbers by shading in the squares such that remaining cells do not contain numbers that appear more than once in either a given row or column.

Filled-in cells cannot be horizontally or vertically adjacent, although they can be diagonally adjacent. The remaining un-filled cells must form a single component connected horizontally and vertically (i.e there must be no isolated numbers).

2

5

Driven

2

6

1

8

8

7

2

9

1

3

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6

7

8

9

2

2

1

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3

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1

4

3

6

7

8

2

7

2

3

8

5

7

5

4

6

3

6

5

5

8

1

1

7

1

4

5

6

3

3

5

8

8

9

4

8

5

5

6

3

9

4

4

1

3

1

6

5

8

8

9

7

ROUGH PAD - FOR YOUR ALL-IMPORTANT SUDOKO CALCULATIONS, OR SO YOU CAN DRAW SOMETHING - A DOG, MAYBE. YEAH. A DOG.

usual. Sort it out, and check back next week. And remember: stay off that sizzurp.

CAPRICORN Dec 22—Jan 20

Check

yo'self before you wreck yo'self, brosef. This week's gonna throw shit at you from all angles, and in order to dodge the missiles, you gotta think like a pro. Get inside the mind of the poo-flinging assailants; outsmart them. Be on top of your game, own that shit. The stars got yo' back, fo' real. [Note: fecal references are metaphorical; it is highly unlikely that any will be thrown at you... well, it's 50-50, anyway.]

Caption competition # 3 This is your chance to show off your razor-sharp wit, your truly ridiculous imagination, your mastery of awful puns or your encyclopaedic knowledge of penis gags. This week's prize is 'eternal glory' (again) but watch this space for future prizes of nominal cash value! Send entries to editors@studentnewspaper.org with 'caption competition' in the subject line.

Not So Cryptic Crossword #5

ACROSS 1 Mine entrance (7) 5 Prison (7) 9 Exclamation of disgust (3) 10 Wear away (5) 11 Scent (5) 12 Falsehood (3) 13 Simpler (6) 16 Oppose (6) 19 Bundle (4) 21 Oceans (4) 23 Way out (4) 24 Govern by terror (9) 25 Passport endorsement (4) 26 Route (4) 27 A corpse (4) 28 Fortified feudal residence (6) 31 Floor covering (6) 35 Cutting tool (3) 37 Worship (5) 38 Makes well (5) 39 Consumed (3) 40 Superlative of 13 across (7) 41 Convent for nuns (7) DOWN 1 Flat surface (5) 2 Numbers 13 through 19 (5) 3 Run away with a lover (5) 4 Contest between two persons (4) 5 Foot covering (4) 6 Isolated (5) 7 Thank you, Monsieur (5) 8 Heat excessively (5) 14 United States (7)

Hitori # 5

Things are looking up. The Sudoku #5

CANCER June 22—July 23

If this were Heat magazine,

Puzzles

This week it's a spectacular display of exhibitionism atop Arthur's Seat. Courtesy of The Boab.

Caption competition #2: Last week's winner 15 16 17 18 20 22 28

Moment (7) Gum (5) Sleeping car (7) Bowling pin (7) Loudly (5) Examine thoroughly (5) Slatted wooden box (5)

29 30 32 33 34 35 36

Male deer (5) Unfettered (5) Once more (5) Deputised group (5) Yellowish brown colour (5) Chair (4) At what time (4)

Solutions

What's the matter? Can't stand the heat? Eh?! Don't worry, the answers are all here in tiny, inverted writing. The Student accepts no responsibility for strained eyes or neck injuries sustained by those too stupid to turn this page upside down.

Carlos Alva, you are our winner. Here's why: 'Toothpaste or politics: I thought you weren't supposed to squeeze the tube from the middle...' As promised, here is your coupon for eternal glory. Cut it out, laminate it and keep it your wallet forever. Nobody else cut that out, ok? We will find out.

Tuesday February 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org

26

sport@studentnewspaper.org

Sport

Calzaghe finally cuts the gloves

Michael Klimes looks back on Joe Calzaghe's career and concludes that the Welshman deserves the praise

IN MY spare time, and there is not much of it these days, I imagine fights that never took place. I wonder how Sugar Ray Leonard would have confronted Sugar Ray Robinson over fifteen rounds for the welterweight championship of the world. I think that Ali’s fight against Parkinson’s may have been easier if he had retired after defeating Joe Frazier in 1975. I think of Joe Louis’s flawless punching and how Jack Dempsey would have responded if they were launched at his face. I consider how Manny Pacquiao would fair against that smooth Brazilian bantamweight Eder Jofre.

Thankfully, there are some bouts that have occurred where I was an insignificant yet very impressed observer. I witnessed the just-retired Joe Calzaghe produce one of the best performances seen in any boxing ring against Jeff Lacy in March 2006. It was the first fight that I ever went to and my entry into live boxing was, one could say, a good one. Calzaghe was fulfilling the very important role of being a brilliant ambassador for the sport by being a punch perfect pugilist.

Later on in November 2007, I went to Cardiff with my brother and we shared the very special moment of seeing Calzaghe become the undisputed super middleweight of the world by besting the formidable Mikkel Kessler. The cost of getting down to Cardiff from Edinburgh was taxing as we slept in a bus shelter. Never again I tell you! Take my smart advice and book a hotel if you have not yet experienced leaving a stadium with no hotel or hostel to sleep in. However, when I remember those twelve rounds, I am filled with warmth that pushes away the unpleasantness of that night.

These two fights, in many ways are the ones which will define Calzaghe’s career, if they have not done so already. In the fight against Lacy, Calzaghe put himself on the radar of American fans as he asserted Britain’s command of the division. It was, lest we forget, really an American versus British affair or more broadly an American versus European rivalry.

When Calzaghe finally travelled to the United States and defeated Bernard Hopkins and Roy Jones Junior, the resistance against him was largely focused on his nationality. Whether fans like to admit it or not, boxing has been historically a very national and racial sport. These fissures can give boxing great marketability as there is nothing which sells a fight like tribal fervour. Nevertheless, these can be detrimental as there is a difference between sensible competition and stupid competition. Calzaghe unfortunately succumbed to this when he fought Peter Manfredo when he should have been fighting a better boxer and not all of his opponents were of a high calibre. Still, Calzaghe has beaten every man put in front of him which is the only thing a fighter can do.

Furthermore, I have always admired the reserved way Calzaghe has carried himself. He never let a racial slur or arrogant remark break his calm demeanour unlike the occasionally bombastic Bernard Hopkins. Hopkins’s stupid but calculated phrase about, “never letting a white boy” beat him transpired to be untrue. Although it was one of Cal-

zaghe’s ugliest victories, it remains one of his most significant ones. It demonstrated that a characteristic of a great fighter is the ability to adapt to an adversary who has a cagey style.

Comparing the personalities of Calzaghe and Hopkins is instructive as the former is not boastful while the latter is. It would probably be refreshing if more boxers and fans followed Calzaghe’s example.

The vast majority of trash talking in today’s game is descended from Muhammad Ali and many who attempt to emulate Ali are caricatures of him. It is very arguable that Ali’s insults against Frazier hurt him more than his punches. I think it can also be suggested Ali’s charismatic yet insolent attitude, that influenced boxing so much, accounts for a degree of the jingoism expressed toward Calzaghe

by American fans. British fans can be no better and boxing has extremely impassioned followers. I have read of American fans disparaging the way certain British punters at the Ricky Hatton and Floyd Mayweather fight felt insulted by the booing of their national anthem. Call me old fashioned but occasionally I think boxers and fans could be politer in the sentiments they articulate. There is no need to be rude all the time.

Calzaghe’s lack of self-promotion, hard work, talent and success at the end of his career demonstrate that his type of career and character, although rare, can succeed. For boxers who are not particularly adept at talking rubbish or engaging in the witty yet vicious putdowns that Ali became infamous for; they can be inspired by Calzaghe. Even if some people find his lack of arrogance mundane, why don’t they watch his bouts? Over the course of his career, Calzaghe has hardly been a boring fighter and a few of his bouts are exhilarating to watch repeatedly. His scrap against Byron Mitchell in 2003, his annexation of the WBO belt in 1997 from Chris Eubank and his stoppage of Ritchie Woodhall are all good fun. Similarly, his bout against Kessler, although a technical fight had its memorable exchanges.

Calzaghe has been very good for British boxing and more specifically the Welsh scene. He joins the pantheon of Jimmy Wilde, Freddie Walsh and Jim Driscoll. For a boxer who experienced bad hands for numerous years, had a divorce and fought in a division that was not always taken seriously by aficionados and remained undefeated, he has done remarkably well. Team Calzaghe is also unique in probably having the most successful father and son/ trainer and champion partnership in the history of boxing.

In a recent interview for BBC Sport, he was asked if he wanted to be called the greatest British fighter of all time. Showing his usual tact and grace, he replied, “I’ll let other people and fans out there decide regarding my legacy. I’m proud of what I’ve achieved.” What a reply, don’t you think? Still, when asked about returning from the wilderness he declared, “You can never say never in this game.” Luckily, Calzaghe’s response seemed to have a ring of permanency to it. To ward of this urge to comeback, he should think of the James Bond movie "Never Say Never Again" that features a decrepit Sean

Connery pretending he still has the youth to play the role of a secret agent.

The enterprise is not even saved by the scantily dressed Kim Basinger playing a damsel in distress.

If that is not enough to turn him off, he should intensify the shock value and think of Madonna. She shouldn’t be taking off her clothes at fifty years of age anymore. It is distasteful.

Calzaghe has brought tremendous athleticism, toughness, reflexes and intelligence to boxing in a style

that was distinctly his own. He was a champion for ten years and made twenty one defences.

He is the best super middleweight of all time can be mentioned in the same breath as Lennox Lewis and Ken Buchanan as among the finest post-war British boxers. Personally, I would put Calzaghe behind Lewis and Buchanan as his opposition was not quite at the level of theirs. Lewis fought in the second best era of the heavyweight division and although he suffered two embarrassing knock-

out losses he avenged them swiftly.

Oliver McCall and Hasim Rahman only experienced the limelight briefly.

Similarly, Buchanan fought all over the world and was far less sheltered in that regard than Calzaghe. His three outstanding adversaries, Ismael Laguna, Carlos Ortiz and Roberto Duran were far superior to anything Calzaghe has ever encountered.

Nevertheless, the Welshman has been one of the last “gentleman fighters” in the sport for a long time.

NUMBER ONE: Calzaghe showing his delight as he is named as BBC Sports Personality of the Year 2007

Contact the Sport section at: sport@studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday February 24 2009 studentnewspaper.org

Sport 27

Women lead the way in knock outs

TAKES A WRY LOOK AT THE WORLD OF SPORT

EDINBURGH'S WOMEN'S basketball side led the way last week as they recorded a comprehensive 72-37 victory over the University of Brighton.

This win was their ninth in a row as they booked their place in the quarter finals.

The final three rounds will all take place in March over the BUCS Championships Weekend and the women will travel to Sheffield with high hopes.

They will face Leeds Metropolitan who themselves have lost only one this season while the other teams to make it through were Northumbria, Stirling, London Metropolitan, Loughborough, UWIC and Nottingham.

The men's side however failed to make it through after they were beaten 93-51 in Leeds. Having won the Scottish title with excellent recent victories over Glasgow and Robert Gordon, the side will be disappointed not to be joining the women in Sheffield.

There was further disappointment in the fencing but the women's second team put up a tremendous fight against Loughborough's first side as they went down 134-101 to miss out on a place in the quarter finals. Loughborough's success continued in the hockey as they recorded a very comfortable 7-1 victory at home to Edinburgh's men.

It was unfortunate that the men were handed such a tough draw but they too saw their season ended as the semi finals eluded them.

There were mixed fortunes for the lacrosse sides but the women's firsts were dumped out at the quarter final

Recent attempts to sex-up the game of cricket have missed the point

stage as Loughborough continued their dominance over the Scottish side. Having been so successful in recent years, the lacrosse side will be disappointed to have gone out at the quarter final stage but the 13-7 defeat means that they must wait another year for glory. Loughborough were finally beaten by Edinburgh's second string as they saw off their counterparts 8-5.

That result earned them a home tie against Liverpool first team which is at Peffermill tomorrow. Should they get through that, they will welcome either Durham or Cambridge to Edinburgh early next month.

The travel bug struck again, however, as Edinburgh's second string netball side were thoroughly beaten in Manchester by a score of 65-24. This was Manchester's strongest side and they will progress to the last eight.

This week sees the knockout stages continue and both the men's fencing and football sides will be looking for victories over English opposition. The fencing side have a home tie against Durham while the footballers travel to Birmingham for their quarter final tie. Should they get through that, they will face either Loughborough or Nottingham.

The tennis and volleyball clubs are also in action at home with the former facing local rivals Heriot-Watt for a place in the Men's Scottish Conference Cup final. The women's volleyball side entertain Cambridge for a place in the semi finals of the BUCS competition.

HANDS UP IF YOU WANT THE BALL: Action from the women's basketball

Thomas Kerr looks forward to rucks, mauls and brawls SOMETIMES IT seems the Six Nations could almost be designed to inflame the pent-up anger of posho uni students. Rugger, national pride, burly men grappling; it's a terrifyingly incendiary mix. The Calcutta Cup clash between England and Scotland is probably circled eighteen times on the Potterrow events calender: a date of doom where they have to employ even more extra security staff than during the S Club 3 extravaganza earlier this year.

For those of you who are still in the honeymoon of your University career this may come as a surprise.

Yes, Edinburgh is actually in Scotland, although you'd be forgiven for not realising, and occasionally the natives show themselves within the sacred confines of the student unions.

This exclusively occurs within the context of international sporting competitions. And then something about the booming accents of Surrey seems to jar the sensibilities of these plucky young lads. And so it goes that every year a bunch of chippy Scots, emboldened by a thousand years of oppression and a dozen pints of Tennents, square off with a small corps of curly-haired toffs from the Home Counties, the collars of their rugby shirts popped up and plums firmly inserted in cheeks, growling furiously at each other across Bristo Square.

Of course, we've got a few weeks to go before that seminal date in the

sporting calender. And, indeed, if the opening weeks were anything to go by we should dread the day coming nearer, not only because of the Neanderthals squaring off outside Big Cheese, but because both England and Scotland looked painfully lethargic and careless in their opening fixtures.

Although England comfortably dispatched Italy at Twickenham they were ably assisted in that fixture by the scattergun passing of Mauro Bergamasco, who was about as effective at scrum half as a paraplegic in a pedalo rally. An improved performance against Wales suggested that perhaps greater things are to come from this young and inexperienced English team, but then you'd say the same about a toddler learning to walk and you don't expect them to become Paula Radcliffe overnight.

Scotland, meanwhile, have fallen squarely on their own swords in capitulating to first Wales at Murrayfield and then France in Paris.

Against Wales they were frustrated by the speed and power of the Welsh forwards (Williams, Williams, Jones, Williams, etc.) who resolutely prevented the normally superb Mike Blair from utilising any of his considerable ability at scrum half, but it was a disappointing lack of ambition in front of the restless Edinburgh crowd that sealed the defeat. A far more expansive side turned up last Sunday to face the French, only to find themselves undone by a litany

of unforced errors that would have embarrassed an under 12s team.

As the years slowly pass by and the Scots continue to go nowhere fast it is beginning to become clear that as soon as Frank Hadden solves one problem plaguing his Scotland team another one crops up somewhere else, which makes the whole process about as futile and frustrating as taking a 1963 Lada for an MoT. It could be a long journey to the Calcutta Cup clash at Twickenham at the end of March. By the time the nationalistic sparring commences outside Potterrow spring will be in the air and some of us will be furtively skulking about the library, desperately phoning up directory enquiries to ask where the hell you go to get a dissertation bound. And the Six Nations itself will be all but finished.

It seems safe to predict that neither Scotland or England will be competing for silverware; although perhaps Hadden's bravehearts will run the Italians close for the coveted wooden spoon once again. But at least at the end of what promises to be another disappointing Six Nations we can swing by P-Row and take out our frustration in a frenzy of xenophobia and crap tunes, before gratefully slinking off into the night and forgetting about rugby for another 11 months.

NEIL HODGINS

Martin Domin reviews last week's BUCS knockout matches

Let battle commence

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Injury Time

CRICKET IS always innovating to recapture the spirit of the times; take the now innocent until proven guilty Stanford twenty20 tournament, or the confidence inspiring referral system, and you have examples of how cricket is not afraid to hit the future head on.

But the traditional must remain.

And that tradition resides in Test match cricket, which despite the recent bastardisations of the game remains the custodian of cricketing ethics.

Test match cricket to the ADD-sufferers amongst you will seem like a re-enactment of your own personal room 101, but its charm is buried in its tradition and a lackadaisical approach to urgency.

But this week’s draw between the West Indies and England in Antigua – ignoring the fiasco of the first attempt at this game, which was abandoned because of a dangerously uneven pitch – was a perfect example of how cricket fails to attract the masses despite all its self-reflective innovation.

As one recent invitee to cricket succinctly put it: “I fuckin’ hate cricket. What a waste of five days. Welcome to the generation of mutual defeat.”

While my love for cricket extends further than that of a fair-weather fan, I sympathise with those who despair of cricket because of its attitude towards time, which would be intolerable in any other walk of life. Five days is ample time in which to find the victor between two sides playing with a bat and a ball.

Last week’s game, despite a frenzied and tense finish, was denied any worthiness by being cut short due to bad light. Having played five days and approaching a climactic finish would make me want to turn on the flood lights, or at least risk minor bruising by playing on in low light. To leave the game unfinished and left impotently short of achieving anything meaningful is an assault on those who put in the effort to follow the game consistently for 8 consecutive hours on 5 consecutive days.

Do not for one second think that I am suggesting that Test match cricket should be done away with, I am merely trying to pinpoint cricket’s most ignored obstacle to mass appeal. If the ICC stopped tinkering with the minor facets of the rules and instead focused on producing clear winners, perhaps fringe fans of cricket (such as the population of Scotland) would pay attention to cricket beyond offering sly pithy comments about its tedium and inconsequentiality.

David Wagner

Sport

studentnewspaper.org Tuesday February 24 2009

End of an era

Michael Klimes looks back on the glittering career of Joe Calzaghe

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Semi finals beckon for table tennis men Simon Messenger reports from Durham as Edinburgh cruise through to the last four HAVING FLOWN all the way to Brighton in the previous round, the University of Edinburgh table tennis side were grateful they 'only' had to travel to Durham last week for the BUCS quarter finals. A convincing 16-1 victory over Brighton meant Edinburgh travelled in a confident mood although their top player, Craig Howieson, was unable to join the team due to international commitments with Scotland.

In his absence, the team was led by Stewart Armitage while Allan Robic, captain Simon Messenger and Rolf Rothbaecher made up the remainder of the quartet. The first match of the day saw Rothbaecher lose 3-0 to Durham's top seed, Tom Bray. This, however, was to be the last time Durham would be in front. Messenger, Robic and Armitage then proceeded to comfortably win their matches 30 to give Edinburgh a 3-1 lead at the end of the first round of fixtures.

The second round of matches followed a similar pattern as Messenger lost 3-0 to their top seed while the remaining three players all won effortlessly with a score line of 3-0. At the end of the first half of fixtures, Edinburgh were convincingly leading 6-2.

Durham then saw a glimmer of hope when Robic also lost to their

top seed 3-0 (his first BUCS defeat of the season) while Messenger was narrowly defeated by their third seed 3-2. At 6-4 down, Durham's hopes hung by a thin thread which was quickly cut following Rothbaecher and Armitage's sterling wins to once again extend Edinburgh’s lead to four.

In a particularly high quality match, Armitage was then also to lose his 100% win record in BUCS this season as Durham’s Tom Bray continued his impressive form in an extremely close match, which ended 3-2. Following this, Messenger had the honour of sealing the qualification for the semi finals by quickly disposing of their bottom seed 3-0.

The remaining fixtures were a formality for Edinburgh as they cruised through with a final score of 12-5, described by absentee Craig Howieson as “excellent”. Top seed Stewart Armitage reflected on the day and said "this is down to the great team spirit and commitment of the team.

We look forward to the semi-finals and fingers crossed that we make the final".

In the semi-finals, Edinburgh will face Leeds University, a fairly easy draw considering powerhouses Loughborough and London Metropolitan University will face each other in the other tie.

READY FOR BATTLE: The two sides line up before last week's match which Edinburgh dominated from start to finish

Water polo success for Edinburgh men and women Neal Rayner looks back at Edinburgh's waterpolo triumphs LAST WEEKEND saw Edinburgh's men retain the water polo Scot Cup while the second side finished an impressive fourth. To cap off a successful weekend, the woman's side also tasted victory. It was the women who started off the tournament with their first game against a hungry and worthy rival in ever improving Dundee. The game was tight throughout, but Edinburgh's tough defence kept Dundee from getting many shooting opportunities and Edinburgh came out winners.

However, while that was expected to be the toughest match, it was Stirling that would prove the most difficult opponents. Throughout this match, Edinburgh matched their well-balanced team against a team with an offensive star and an alumni with great defence.

The game was never more than two goals apart and during the final minute, Edinburgh led by one and seemed to be set for the win. However, as time expired, Julia MacKay of Stirling

scored with a nine meter shot to send the game into golden goal overtime.

Sophie Piper however rifled in the game winning goal for Edinburgh The women then went on to record easy wins over Robert Gordon to take the title while Dundee found their rhythm and easily beat Stirling 9-3 for second place.

On Saturday, in the Men's competition the firsts advanced to the final round robin group with several comfortable wins. In their second match Antonio Malfense Fierro grabbed his hundredth cap for Edinburgh in with a four goal performance.

Aberdeen proved to be no match for the speed and power of the firsts, nor was their replacement goalie, as they ran out 12-5 winners.

The next match for the championship against St. Andrew's followed directly and Edinburgh led 3-1 at half time but were made to work hard to secure a 6-3 win as they retained their

title in style.

The seconds started off by shocking Stirling 11-4 in a match they desperately wanted to win after losing to them in the regular season. It was their second win of the season and a terrific margin of victory that gave them confidence and showed how far they had come. The next match against Aberdeen showed they could compete at a higher level as the match seemed equally fought, but Aberdeen steadily put away their shots while Edinburgh's were slightly off the mark and the dreams of making the final were scrapped after a 10-4 loss.

Dundee were the next obstacle and Edinburgh quickly took a 2-0 lead. However, Dundee regained the momentum and seemed back on form as they tied it by halftime. The game ended 3-3 and went into overtime.

Jordan Taylor proved heroic with a terrific finishing shot that landed Edinburgh with the instant huge

win, leaving them one game from the shield.

Having already won one more game than they had all season in the tournament and having avenged two tough losses, the seconds could have been proud of their weekend, especially as they were missing starters Rob Loveless, Josh Mills, and Jordan Taylor for the last game against Robert Gordon.

However, the bad taste left in the Second's collective mouths after a brutal loss to RGU in Aberdeen provided incendiary fuel and no one was conceding the game anyway, especially not captain Henry Raley who picked up where he left off in the previous game.

The seconds were prepared for RGU's unique offense. As Raley stopped every shot that came his way, it seemed all the seconds had to do was score to win. However this challenge proved elusive and at halftime the score was tied at 0-0.

In the third, Vitaly Vins scored

brilliantly to finally give Edinburgh a lead. RGU almost equalized but Henry twice blocked close range shots and grabbed up the ball only to accidentally score an own goal.

Jordan Taylor arrived unexpectedly and jumped into the third quarter and provided the quick burst of speed that gave Edinburgh the edge. He scored to put his side in front in the closing seconds of the third period.

Going into the fourth, Edinburgh started a man short as Mike Skwarek interfered with Robert Gordon's last shot. However, Taylor easily won the sprint and the seconds rallied with two more goals. Robert Gordon pulled one back with a shot perfectly placed into the corner glanced past Henry's outstretched fingers, but it didn't matter as Edinburgh were already celebrating winning the Shield with another improbable win of 4-2.

Tuesday February 24 2009 | Week 7

studentnewspaper.org

Performance Enhancing Drugs F E AT U R E S

S I N C E 1887

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LIFESTYLE

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That deadline gets the Bauer treatment

Che: Part 2

FILM

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T H E U K ' S O LD E S T S T U D EN T N EW S PA P ER

Apathy mars General Meeting Motion to switch to online referenda unable to pass

Neil Pooran THIS YEAR’S Student’s Association General Meeting again failed to reach quorum, with several reforms to the institution failing to be passed.

Students present at the meeting nevertheless voted in favour of motions including online referendums to replace the general meetings, having free squash courts in the Centre for Sport and Excellence, and having birth dates on matriculation cards.

Roughly 200 students turned up at the start of the meeting, falling short of the 300 required to officially pass motions. A steady stream of people leaving the lecture theatre meant that even fewer were present for the end of the meeting, with the hall left mostly empty.

Adam Ramsay’s proposal to replace the voting power of the General Meetings with a system of online referenda was passed without any opposition. The Annual General Meeting will still be held as usual next academic year, but Ramsay said the vote would 'send a message to next year’s sabbaticals' to reform the system next term.

Ramsay then took the controversial decision to skip votes on two more constitutional amendments, including one relating to the ‘save the King’s Buildings bar’ campaign, due to them being ‘too boring to debate’. With 10 motions to get through Ramsay wanted to move on to more controversial issues yet several students were left confused about the future of the bar.

A motion to push for lower gym booking prices passed narrowly with 77 to 63 votes in favour of the motion.

Membership fees for the Centre for Sport and Excellence have gone up 20% recently, but Sports Union President Joe Gray argued the extra money was worth it for improved facilities.

As is customary in spring General Meetings, several candidates for the EUSA Presidency proposed motions.

Oliver Mundel proposed a ‘fairer fees for

medical students’ motion, Liz Rawlings called for improved academic feedback, and Thomas Graham successfully proposed to have EUSA acquire a minibus for societies.

The King's Building's bar motion was brought forward due to Edinburgh's licensing board requesting for EUSA's contitution to be changed in order for the bar to keep its license. The bar will not close immediately, but another motion will have to be brought to the next General Meeting on the same issue.

On the lack of turnout, EUSA VicePresident for Academic Affairs Guy Bromley said: “I think everyone is disappointed by the lack of attendance at the EUSA General Meeting last Wednesday. We really hoped that with ten very relevant, interesting and important motions, alongside a lot of publicity about the GM, we would buck the trend of the past decade and achieve quoracy, as in the November AGM." "One of the motions brought to the GM would have introduced online referendums, allowing more students to engage with political debate on campus without having to drop their normal evening activities but without the necessary quoracy we of course were unable to bring forward this very necessary democratic innovation.

The fact is, many of EUSA’s structures predate the internet and mobile age, and so they are designed for an era when political debate could take place only in a meeting room or lecture theatre. Nowadays, that debate happens on a more continual basis, and we need to change to reflect this.

Next year’s sabbaticals and the student body at large need to make sure that the November AGM is well attended if they wish to see change to this element of EUSA democracy, which if passed would finally put a stop to the inevitable disappointment that people feel about this time of the year.”

Dozens of Student's Association seats go uncontested:Page 4 >>

DIEHARD FANS: Students gradually trickled out during the three-hour meeting

Recession hits university hardship funds James Ellingworth MORE SCOTTISH students than ever are using hardship funds to cope in the current financial climate – except at Edinburgh, where the number receiving aid from the emergency funds is down on last year.

Edinburgh is the only Scottish university to have experienced a fall

in the number of awards made from hardship funds, although the total sum paid out so far this year is up four percent on last year’s figures.

The University insists that there has been no change to the criteria under which money is awarded from the funds.

The data, revealed in a survey conducted by the Scottish Labour Party, showed a 25 percent increase

in the number of awards at Glasgow University, and a 19 percent rise at Dundee University.

Of the 11 universities surveyed, most blamed the increases in demand on the credit crunch, changes to the Scottish student funding system and employers cutting back on the number of part-time jobs for students.

Continued on page 4 »

LYLE BRENNAN

Barely 100 out of University's 24,000 students present by end of the Meeting

studentnewspaper.org Tuesday February 17 2009

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Once upon a time...

...reading was just about the stories. Anne Miller takes a break from the debilitation of dissertations and plunges down the rabbit hole of children's fiction Harry Potter is a unique case; JK Rowling's series about the orphan-boy-with-adestiny who finds himself at a school for wizards, could hardly be more escapist.

And yet, the layers of detail beneath the simple battle between good and evil resulted in novels with an appeal so strong they ended up publishing adults’ versions with different covers.

This sounds disturbingly like some sort of post-watershed Potter but it's simply a more sombre, weighty dust-cover to preserve the dignity of grown-ups. Potter publishers Bloomsbury have suggested

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The 'adult version' sounds disturbingly like some sort of postwatershed Potter"

ntwined with the exciting and E engaging aspects of your course, there can lurk those moments when you

simply long for an escape. This usually happens when the work is piling up and deadlines are looming. Sometimes our brains just can’t handle another academic article or our eyes another screen. Where can we go? The answer lies in fiction.

Students tend to enjoy being regarded as well-read. People generally aren’t shy about letting the world know they’ve made it to the end of War and Peace, understood all the analogies in George Orwell or chased Heathcliff across the moors. But there’s another section of fiction that can be even more escapist, more familiar and more comforting: children’s books.

Returning to the books our younger selves enjoyed can have a magical air to it. Life was so much simpler then and a bit of sparkle can go a long way. Who, battling the Edinburgh winds on their way home, wouldn’t jump at the chance to open a doorway to another world or discover a secret garden?

Maybe that’s why the Facebook group “f**k this, I want to go to Hogwarts” has so many members. They have a point: travelling to lectures would be more fun on a broomstick.

the adult appeal is a result of appreciating the book on another level, citing the mythology and Latin mottos as examples.

A rather more cynical writer from The Independent wrote a blistering critique of adults who read Potter, arguing that they need to deal with the more complex problems of real life reflected in their own fiction, rather than the unambiguously moralising sentiments of children’s books. The piece concludes that adult fiction is a world without the reassurance of rules, and turning to children’s books is not harmless escapism but ostrich-like retreat.

This is quite a dire view. The black and white nature of children’s stories can be part of their appeal.They have an inherent sense of justice which is sadly lacking in real life. If someone trips another person up in a race or wins a task by deception then, in a child’s book, the rightful winner will still triumph and balance will be restored. A few minutes of The Apprentice shows this rarely works so nicely in real life.

Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy is another series with cross-over appeal. In 2002 the Amber Spyglass was the first children’s book to win the Whitbread Prize. Pullman told reporters “the point about it is that it’s inclusive. If doesn’t shut anybody out.”

Perhaps this is the key to a book’s success outside its target age group?

While adults are unlikely to lose themselves in the current pre-school reading list, and children will barely get past a title of Shakespeare’s, books like Harry Potter or His Dark Materials strike

the rare balance that attracts readers regardless of their age.

The other side to this is the appeal of books you loved when you were younger.

Children’s books that provide a return to a world you once knew are often endearing, if a little twee. My current old-favourites are Enid Blyton’s Famous Five series.

Sure, reading them over the age of eleven means certain unpolitically correct terms, unfortunate names and repetitive plots can veer up unexpectedly in the familiar tales - but the adventures they have!

Blyton’s books paint an idyllic world where escaping consists of a bicycle and a backpack: solving mysteries is an effortless matter of footprints rather than forensics; and every danger is averted to be home in time for tea. Offer any fourth year curled up with their dissertation the option of a hike through the rambling countryside, a snowy holiday in the Welsh mountains or a weekend exploring their very own island and you would be hard pressed to find a refusal.

The adventures are wonderful: returning to Spooks and 24 makes "life" seem awfully dramatic when back in the day everything from gun smugglers to kidnappings could be foiled by four children and their dog. In the world of Enid Blyton even the baddies have a sense of justice. Challenged to "do their worst", the Famous Five's arch nemsis will threaten your dog or steal the oars from your boat.

Occasionally someone is kidnapped but there’s always a way to escape, usually involving the Lassie-esque intelligence of Timmy the spaniel.

Maybe it’s the sense that everything

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Challenged to do their worst, the Famous Five's arch nemsis will threaten your dog or steal the oars from your boat" will be alright in the end which best explains the lasting appeal of children’s books? There are escapist adult books but the grown up world brings problems and complications that aren’t even imagined in a children’s stories.

So next time things get serious, why not dig out your old favourites and lose a few hours? Row across to Kirren Island again, I’ll bring the ginger beer.