Week 5 - The Student - 2009/2010 by The Student

Tuesday October 20 2009 | Week 5

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Pain, paper pants & perseverance - The Student's guide to extreme bikini waxing LIFESTYLE

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Win one of 50 pairs of tickets to an exclusive screening of horror comedy Jennifer's Body!

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S cott ish S t udent Ne wspaper of the Year 2009 S I N C E 1887

T H E U K ' S O LD E S T S T U D EN T N EW S PA P ER

Brutal attack in Buccleuch leaves man hospitalised

Lennox and Connery honoured by University Famous Scots receive honorary degrees in ceremony

Police have launched an investigation following a violent and unprovoked attack in Buccleuch Terrace, near George Square Charlie King LOTHIAN AND Borders Police have launched an appeal for witnesses after a violent attack on Buccleuch Terrace left a 19-year-old man with a fractured eye socket. The unprovoked incident took place in the early hours of Sunday 11th of October, minutes away from the University of Edinburgh central campus. A group of friends were aggressively confronted in the Meadows just after midnight. Attempting to leave the scene, they moved along Buccleuch Street and into Buccleuch Terrace, just opposite the Newington end of the park. The second group pursued them, resulting in a brutal attack in which one man was left motionless on the ground. An eyewitness to the incident claimed that the victim 'looked dead.'

Speaking to The Student, she explained that she had initially looked out of her window after hearing an unusually large crowd shouting and laughing. “Around 20 people were running down towards the end of Buccleuch Terrace. When one male split from the main crowd, he was followed by between five and ten others, who proceeded to punch and kick him for a period of around five minutes. "After the victim had been left on the floor, one of the attackers returned to strike a final blow with his elbow.” Passers-by and local residents both stopped to help the victim, and several 999 calls were made. The victim was promptly transported by ambulance to the Edinburgh Royal Infirmary, where he was treated for serious eye injuries. The perpetrators remain unidentified, having fled before police arrived on the

scene. A police spokesman said: "This was an unprovoked assault that has left one man with a particularly painful and serious injury to his eye socket.” "Anyone who was in either the Meadows or Buccleuch Terrace from around 11:55pm and has information that can help with our enquiries should contact police immediately. Lothian and Borders police are now keen to speak to anyone in the area at the time." Three male suspects were described to the police by the victim, who has asked to remain anonymous. The first was described as having an Asian appearance, between the ages of 17 and 20, around 6ft tall with a skinny build and short dark hair, wearing a red 'Lyle and Scott' v-neck cardigan and jeans and speaking with a Scottish accent.

CHRIS KAY

Harrison Kelly

The second was white, between 19 and 20, with a medium build and wearing dark clothes, and the third suspect white, around 6ft tall, 20-years-old with a slim build and shaved head, wearing a grey 'Lyle and Scott' jumper. The Meadows area has long been a problem spot for police, being the site of a high proportion of crime over recent years including assault, robbery, indecent exposure and alcohol-related incidents. Earlier this month a disabled woman had her bag snatched in broad daylight, in an incident police described as 'callous'. The park’s location makes it a busy thoroughfare both day and night, particularly amongst students. In 20062007, improved street lighting was installed and police patrols stepped up in an effort to combat crime. news@studentnewspaper.org

SCOTTISH SINGER Annie Lennox and acting legend Sir Sean Connery are to be awarded honorary degrees from the University of Edinburgh. Lennox is globally recognized for her success with the Eurythmics and as a solo artist with hits including, 'Why' and 'Walking on Broken Glass'. In 2004, she won both the Golden Globe and Academy Award for Best Original Song for 'Into the West', written for the original soundtrack to the feature film The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. Lennox, who originates from Aberdeen, is also an active human rights campaigner, leading a march in London earlier this year against the conflict in Gaza. She also objected to the unauthorised use of the 1999 Eurythmics song 'I Saved the World Today' in an election broadcast for Israeli Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni. Connery, meanwhile, is best known for his portrayal of James Bond in seven films between 1962 and 1983. The Edinburgh-born actor and SNP member has been voted both the ‘greatest living Scot’ and the ‘sexiest man alive.’ The Oscar-winning actor is not uncontroversial, and has come in for criticism after giving an interview where he appeared to condone attacking women. Amongst others receiving the Doctor honoris causa this year are Secretary General of Amnesty International Irene Khan and former Finnish president Martti Ahtisaari. Awards are to be presented at a ceremony on October 20th in the Playfair Library Hall, Old College, at 2:30 PM. Tickets for the event were gone within hours after students were invited by email last Monday. Continued on page 3»

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What’s in this issue NEWS »p1–7

Baby brainbox: two-year-old makes it into Mensa

"LET THEM EAT FOIE GRAS" p5

Professor complains of students scoffing caviar, bathing in liquid gold, wearing pants made out of minks' tails, etc.

DEEP DOWN HE'S ALWAYS KNOWN p6 In a historic first, Edinburgh statue undergoes gender reassignment.

RISING TO A NEW LOW p7

Lord Poshington McMoney explains in speech that living off social security is not living in the 'real world'. Ahem.

COMMENT »p8-9

WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'IT'S NOT OK'? p8 Kamila Kocialkowska on why blackface is sooo not a good look. Try telling that to Carine Roitfeld.

"I WAS REDUCED TO SHOPLIFTING" p13

Five Student writers talk about the highs - and lows - of unpaid work experience.

DIFFERENT KIND OF FLAT VIEWING? Meet the man who runs exhibitions direct from his flat in Marchmont

MY FREE BOOBS! p24 ... And other completely mental social networking sites

SPORT »p27-28 SAIL AWAY, SAIL AWAY, SAIL AWAY p27 Olivia Manser reports on the adventures of the Edinburgh First sailing team

"Giant Petrified Turd seeks gentle lady for relationship. Nonsmoker preferred"

The Student Newspaper | 60 Pleasance, Edinburgh, EH8 9TJ Email: editors@studentnewspaper.org

If Sean Connery deserves an honorary Edinburgh degree, The Student thinks Oscar should get one too Jen Mah WITH AN IQ of over 160, two-yearold Oscar Wrigley of Berkshire has recently become the youngest boy ever to be accepted into Mensa. Oscar took the standard Stanford-Binet Intelligence Scale test, and at only two years five months old, his vocabulary and numeracy test results place him within the 99.99th percentile of the population. In order to qualify for membership, an individual must have an IQ within the top 2% of the

population. Oscar’s father, Joe Wrigley, told the BBC that he hoped that if Oscar joined Mensa, there may "be parents with other gifted children, and they might be able to give us some help." According to the Mensa International website, the three stated purposes of the society are to ‘foster human intelligence’; to ‘encourage research in the nature, characteristics, and uses of intelligence’; and to ‘promote stimulating intellectual and social opportunities for its members.’

At present, there are ‘100,000 Mensans in 100 countries throughout the world’ , with the majority between the ages of 20 to 60. Despite having an IQ on par with Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking, Oscar missed holding the title of the youngest Mensa member by just two weeks. A girl, Elise Tan Roberts of London, who joined Mensa at two years, four months and two weeks, currently holds the title. news@studentnewspaper.org

Couple fined after drunken car park sex romp Sam Cann

AN AMOROUS couple have been fined £200 after being caught having sex in the car park of Edinburgh’s Portobello Police Station. Leanne Richardson, 26, and Ross Welsh, 30, were interrupted during their public display of affection after a passer-by spotted the couple, who were apparently naked, and immediately reported their actions. The police, having been informed of the situation by the alarmed witness, attempted to stop Mr Welsh and Ms Richardson but encountered difficulties as, completely oblivious to anyone else's presence, the couple continued in their passions. Officers at the scene had to physically separate the pair. Fiscal Depute, Dev Kapadia said: ‘‘Miss Richardson, who had her eyes closed, suddenly realised the police officers were present and got up to her feet and pulled up her clothing.’’ Mr. Kapadia explained that the couple had been drinking and were unaware of the consequences of their actions. The incident took place in April of this year in broad daylight at the Beach Lane station. The pair had met just days before in the pub, with Welsh celebrating his birthday in a four-day bender. Speaking after the prosecution, Richardson reportedly said her behaviour was out of character as she is

YOUR PLACE OR MINE LOVE? No, no, this police station car park will do just 'fine' (£200) gay. Richardson, who is the mother of two children, stated that she had given up on men since the death of her last husband. She added: ‘‘I admitted having my trousers and underwear down. It was him that was trying it on with me." Welsh has since admitted to feeling

FLICKR: JANNEMEI

ARTS&FEATURES »p13-24

he 'mortified' at the incident, adding: "It was a drunken mistake. I've never seen her again." Last week's hearing at Edinburgh Sheriff Court saw both Welsh and Richardson pleading guilty to breach of the peace. news@studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday October 20 2009 studentnewspaper.org

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News 3

LENNOX: HONEYGRUBBER, FLICKR AND CONNERY: NICK SLIDE, FLICKR

Doin' it for themselves: culture heroes get degrees

HONORARY DEGREES: These people now have them. continued from frontpage>>

powerful campaigner." “I think it is very important for the University to recognise excellence in all areas of society and not just academia. My mum is very jealous!” Since 1695 the University of Edinburgh has awarded Honorary degrees to over 2,700 individuals, including

Charlie Browne, a second-year Linguistics student attending the ceremony told The Student: “I am so excited to see her; she is such a music icon. As well as her astonishing music career Annie Lennox is a really influential and

Queen Elizabeth II, Sir Churchill, Gordon Brown, Olivier, Ian Rankin, J.K. David Attenborough and Palin.

Winston Laurence Rowling, Michael

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LENNOX FACTFILE Born in Aberdeen Studied at the Royal College of Music, London Sold 80m records worldwide Awarded the 2008 AMA Award of Merit for her humanitarian work

CONNERY FACTFILE Born in Edinburgh First job was a milkman Played Bond in seven 007 films Voted the 'greatest living Scot' and 'sexiest man of the century' Connery was knighted in 2000

Student Loan Company shenanigans comes under review, as thousands of students are still without payment

Calum Leslie and Joshua King

HOWARDLAKE, FLICKR

THE STUDENT Loans Company (SLC) has pledged to hold an immediate internal review into funding problems, headed by two independent ‘trouble shooters’. Higher Education Minister David Lammy apologised for the ongoing delays in processing loans applications, saying the crisis has "had a profoundly regrettable effect on individual students and their families."

Mr Lammy told the Commons that the government’s inquiry would be a "frank assessment of what went wrong" following the "unacceptable" situation that he admits "falls short of what the public expect." Moreover, the Conservative Party have called for a Commons debate on the issue. Tens of thousands of students, mostly from England, began university this year without funding due to staffing and IT problems. The SLC claims that in the last week approximately 24,000 applications have been processed, though 88,500 valid applications have yet to be dealt with. 44,000 of these are dependent upon students or their sponsors providing further information. David Malcolm, senior student finance researcher for the National Union of Students, said that the SLC needs "to be more honest" with students if it is to avoid a repeat of the funding chaos that has engulfed the organisation this month. Speaking to The Student, Mr Malcolm said, “Until very late on in the process the SLC was telling people everything would be fine and everyone would get their money on time. If the SLC had been more open and honest earlier in the process, when it

became apparent things might be going wrong, it would have allowed students to prepare some sort of back-up plan for starting university.”

“

If the SLC had been more open and honest earlier in the process, when it became apparent things might be going wrong, it would have allowed students to prepare some sort of back-up plan for starting university" David Malcolm, NUS

He also criticised the SLC for failing to “make sure they had the capacity to deal with the number of students applying at this time of year. Clearly at the moment they don’t have that capacity, so we need to make sure that in future it’s in place.”

Fiona Hyslop MSP, cabinet secretary for Education in Scotland, has labelled the matter as predominantly an English one, with an office spokesperson saying that the loans crisis “is not an issue in Scotland because the student loan system works differently compared to the processing arrangements for students in England.” Ms Hyslop told the parliament at Holyrood that the “Student Awards Agency for Scotland is delivering its normal levels of service and is processing applications within its published targets. Where delays occur, these are usually because applications have not been completed correctly or necessary supporting information supplied.” “The Student Loans Company has also been able to maintain its normal levels of service to Scottish students, with the exception of 39 cases in which an average payment delay of three days occurred due to a technical file transfer issue.” EUSA President Thomas Graham, however, told The Student that he “doesn’t believe the service from SLC and SAAS is satisfactory this year at all”, highlighting the knock-on effect the crisis would have on Scottish students. He said that although English students have not been prioritised over

Scottish students, the diversion of SLC resources to dealing with the backlog means late applicants from Scotland would face significant delays in having applications processed. Student Loans Company Chief Executive Ralph Seymour-Jackson said that the organisation “welcomes the inquiry that has been announced to ensure that next year we can deliver the service that students and their parents have every right to expect.” He also apologised to all affected students for the delay saying, “We are very sorry that students have experienced difficulties with their funding this year and for the worry that this has caused them and their families. Let me reassure everybody that we are working flat out to process all valid applications as we appreciate that students need their money as soon as possible during tough economic times.” The NUS advises any students affected to seek assistance from university hardship funds, most of which are in the position to offer short-term loans while grants and loans remain to be processed.

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Tuesday October 20 2009 studentnewspaper.org

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News 5

Jordan Campbell A LEADING Scottish politics academic has sparked controversy after calling for the reintroduction of tuition fees for Scottish students. Professor James Mitchell of Strathclyde University has argued that since fees were abolished in 2000, Scottish institutions have failed to compensate financially for the income originally provided by fees. Criticizing MSPs and university administrators for neglecting to address the gap in university funding, he claimed that: "The Scottish Parliament made an early decision that needs to be looked at again. It was a mistake. It is likely that it will take many years to reverse. But that process needs to begin." "Opponents will argue that there is a consensus against tuition fees when, in fact, there is at best only acquiescence in a policy because of a lack of leadership.” Mitchell also placed political blame for the abolition of fees on the Liberal Democrat party, describing them as “an ideologically elite party of middle class interests”. His remarks have led to widespread criticism. The Lib Dems’ education spokesperson Margaret Smith defended her party’s position, stating: "We are proud of the integral part we played in getting rid of tuition fees in Scotland".

Speaking to The Student, University of Edinburgh Rector Iain Macwhirter said the reintroduction of fees would mean “Universities will become like private schools. Is that what professor Mitchell wants? I am dismayed that so few academics in Scotland seem prepared to defend free higher education which is supported by the vast majority of parents and students in Scotland”. President of the National Union of Students in Scotland Liam Burns voiced similar sentiments, saying: “there certainly is a consensus against tuition fees in Scotland, as hundreds

“

I am dismayed that so few academics in Scotland seem prepared to defend free higher education which is supported by the vast majority of parents and students in Scotland" Iain Macwhirter, Rector

of thousands of students, parents, lecturers and politicians will testify". Furthermore, a Universities and Colleges Union spokesman defended the no fee system, arguing: "The com-

TO FEE OR NOT TO FEE? Professor James Mitchell has called for the reintroduction of tuition fees in Scotland plicated system introduced in England has failed students and failed to deliver the increase in resource. The Scottish Parliament has delivered increased funding by prioritising education." Mitchell’s article adds clout to the argument of Lord Sutherland, former head of Universities Scotland and Principal and Vice-Chancellor of the

University of Edinburgh, who in September called for the reintroduction of fees for Scottish students as a means of providing extra funding for those from less privileged backgrounds. Tuition fees were reintroduced in the UK by Tony Blair in 1998, but abolished in Scotland two years later under the coalition Labour and Liberal Democrat government following

MAIN IMAGE: ADAMWILSON , FLICKR INSET: UNIVERSITY OF STRATHCLYDE

Anger as academic calls for Scottish students to pay fees

an inquiry into student finance. It is widely expected that tuition fees in England will rise after the next general election. The current SNP government at Holyrood, however, has yet to signal any plans to reintroduce fees in Scotland. news@studentnewspaper.org

SHARPE CRITICISM: Professor Kevin Sharpe claims iPods show that British students live in luxury. Julia Cobb QUEEN MARY University professor Kevin Sharpe is facing a backlash after suggesting that students in Britain live 'a luxurious lifestyle'.

In an article for the Times Higher Education magazine, Professor Sharpe, who teaches Renaissance studies, argues that such a lifestyle is often the reason behind the exorbitant debt that students often face after graduation. The National Union of Students is

BRAINFIT: FLICKR.COM

Professor: Students live 'luxurious lifestyle' Students: No, we don't

up in arms about the comments, labelling them 'extraordinary.' Recent research has suggested that the average student leaves university with about £20,000 worth of debt, with some students carrying as much as £40,000. Professor Sharpe’s comments

come just as ministers are discussing a possible increase in student fees in the UK. Professor Sharpe said in his article that “In the town where I live at weekends, students pour not from Aldi but from Waitrose, with bottles of wine and champagne as well as bottled water, expensive foods and snacks”. “Student homes are often equipped with large LCD TVs, Sky boxes and, as burglars have been quick to spot, several high-end laptops per dwelling, offering richer pickings than normal domestic residences”. He added: “I queue behind students who often spend more than £5 on a snack lunch at Marks & Spencer before boarding the bus. On the journey to campus, some are plugged into the latest and fanciest iPods, while many more spend the half hour on mobile calls at peak times”. Sharpe claims that his critique of student lifestyle is based on concern for what he calls 'those less well off ', who are not financed by 'the bank of mum and dad', whom he fears are “understandably anxious to keep up with their peers, the inevitable consequence is debt – and substantial debt at that”. Wes Streeting, the NUS president, told the Telegraph: "I think it is frankly extraordinary that he's under the impression that students are graduating

with £23,000 debts because they're spending their time quaffing champagne and living luxurious lifestyles. The fact of the matter is that the vast majority of students are having to work longer hours in low paid jobs or dip in to already overstretched family finances

“

Students pour not from Aldi but from Waitrose, with bottles of wine and champagne as well as expensive foods and snacks" Professor Sharpe, Queen Mary University

just to get by. This is not a good time for students on campus and I think Professor Sharpe needs a reality check". Alex Paul, a first-year International Relations student at the University of Edinburgh shares Streeting's sentiments and adds: “He identifies what everyone has, the things that are ubiquitous, like the mobile and the iPod, and calls them luxury”. “And I’m sure he went to uni when the government paid for everything!” news@studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday October 20 2009 studentnewspaper.org

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News

Scottish government to fund 3000 extra student places

Thomas Martin

DAVINA HUME? This week, The Student invites you to erect your own feminist statue

Student gives Edinburgh statue sex change

Alexandra Taylor

EDINBURGH’S NEWEST statue was defaced last week by an anti-sexist student protestor taking a stand against the lack of female figurines across the city. Hollie Smith, a third year international politics student from Stirling University, carried out a solo protest centred around Stephan Balkenhol's 'Everyman' sculpture outside the City Council headquarters on East Market Street. The statue, known as 'Joe public', was subjected to an impromptu sex change and dressed as a suffragette, taking on the name 'Joanna Public' for the day. Carried out alongside last Saturday's centenary celebrations of the Women's Suffrage Movement

procession on Princes Street, the protest was intended to highlight the fact that all but one of the city's statues celebrate famous men rather than women. The £100,000 Joe Public statue was unveiled in 2007, and is supposed to stand for the power of the ordinary man and represent the 'spirit of mankind.' Smith was immediately asked to leave by council staff and did so after they threatened to call police. Defending her actions, Smith said: "I chose this statue as the council recently decided to erect another male statue to celebrate the 'ordinary man'. What about all the extraordinary women?" There were initial concerns over the gender at the time of the statue’s unveiling. Council planning leader Jim Lowrie said: "This sculpture is

far from ideal, particularly because he's male. I know, myself, that has caused a lot of complaints from council staff." The City Council have however argued that the protest was misdirected, given that they are rarely responsible for commissioning statues. Culture Convener Deidre Brock said: "I would love to see more statues erected in honour of women in the city. However, while the council looks after statues, it does not actually commission them, so an increase in memorials to women is dependent on groups agreeing a concept and raising funds.” news@studentnewspaper.org

THE SCOTTISH Government has announced that it will provide funding for an additional 3000 places at universities and other higher education institutes this academic year, as a result of rising applications amidst recession. After coming under pressure recently for presiding over the smallest increase in Scottish students since devolution, the SNP have brought forward new money for student places. Last week Cabinet Secretary for Education and Lifelong Learning Fiona Hyslop announced that £8.6

“

Fiona Hyslop needs to take our economic recovery seriously. No matter how the Scottish Government try and spin it 561 places is simply not enough to meet demand" Claire Baker, Scottish Labour

million will be made available to meet the student support and tuition fee costs for at least 3,000 extra students. Ms Hyslop said: “The Scottish

Government recognises the crucial role that Scotland’s universities play in our economic recovery which is why we are investing more than £1 billion a year in the sector.” “This is good news for students and good news for our economy, which will benefit from their knowledge and skills in years to come.” Earlier this month the Scottish Government was criticised by the Shadow Minister for Higher and Further Education Claire Baker, after it was revealed that only 561 extra higher education places had been funded for 2009-10, representing the lowest increase for the past six years. Ms Baker said: “Fiona Hyslop needs to take our economic recovery seriously. No matter how the Scottish Government try and spin it 561 places is simply not enough to meet demand.” Even with the additional £8.6 million in funding now announced, critics are concerned that the extra money will not result in any extra students taking up places at university this year. EUSA President Thomas Graham told The Student: “Whilst the funding for the 3000 extra places is to be welcomed, I am concerned that no extra school-leavers will get a place at university, as the money is more likely to be spent on students already at university who are not currently being funded by the government.” news@studentnewspaper.org

Concerns as Officer Training Corps cut wages

Joanna Sweeney MEMBERS OF the City of Edinburgh Officers Training Corps (OTC) were told last week that paid training is to be suspended for six months in an attempt to cut costs. The UK government claim that the move would save the military up to £20 million. To comply with the funding cuts, it has been ordered that drill instruction, weekend exercise and all other Territorial Army (TA) training be ceased. The City of Edinburgh OTC will continue to offer reduced hours of unpaid training for its members, though new members will no longer be able to participate in basic training. OTC members were previously able to earn in the region of £270 a month by attending basic training, with the potential to supplement this through extra activities. Undergraduates and instructors will still be reimbursed for travel and subsistence, however this still poses a barrier to many who depend on income from the armed forces to contribute towards funding their education. One student member of the OTC said: “It’s harder to justify going to OTC as a fourth year if I’m not earning money from it.” The news has provoked concern

about career prospects for those wishing to remain in the army after graduation, with another member saying: “Those who are serious about joining the army but rely on the OTC to fund their university career are now having to quit to find another job, which could affect their army career development.” Students will also miss out on the opportunity to develop valuable qualities including thinking under pressure, integrity, leadership and communication skills. Cadets have expressed similar sentiments, saying they are “shocked and upset at having to leave the army due to financial matters.” Furthermore, concerns have been expressed that the funding cuts and subsequent reduced intake in members will affect the structure of the OTC for years to come, effectively 'stalling the process.' With the army previously promoting a ‘One Army’ line, many within the OTC feel 'disillusioned' and let down, while suggesting that “money could be saved elsewhere.” Another student recruit pointed out: “Though the government claims to be saving £20 million in military costs, this figure is merely a drop in the ocean compared to other areas of expenditure. One Apache helicopter, used on operations in Afghanistan, costs in the

SOLDIERING ON: OTC members like this Edinburgh recruit will see their earnings cut. region of £46million”. The news comes at a time when opposition parties in Westminister are saying cuts to TA training could harm Army missions overseas. There are cur-

rently troops deployed in Cyprus and Afghanistan, provoking concern that reduced TA training could be detrimental to the army as a whole. A spokesman for the MoD defend-

ed the decision, saying: “These are challenging times and like all government departments we have to live within our means.” news@studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday October 20 2009 studentnewspaper.org

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News 7

Help, Darling, People and Planet have locked me up

Brief

Swedish Bunny Boilers SWEDEN HAS found a novel new way to generate environmentally friendly energy: burning the corpses of rabbits. Thousands of rabbits are culled annually in the country, with most suspected to be the offspring of cute but unwanted pets. In a brutally innovative solution to reduce their numbers, scientists in central Sweden have taken to freezing, crushing and then boiling them. Leo Virta, the managing director of the project, says it's a win-win situation: "It's a good system as it solves the problem of dealing with animal waste and it provides heat." Predictably, however, the reaction amongst Swedes has been somewhat mixed. Sweden-based journalist James Savage explained: "In the town where they are burning them the reaction of residents is quite relaxed. "But in Stockholm there's the big city attitude of the rabbits being cute. That's the attitude of some people, particularly among some animal rights activists who think this is not a good way to treat rabbits." CK

A terribly concerned looking 'Alistair Darling' was 'locked up' in Bristo Square by People and Planet protesters ahead of the G20 meeting in St Andrew's next month. His eyebrows were also incarcerated.

PEOPLE AND PLANET

Informatics building 'eyewateringly' beautiful

Tory Lord: it's all gone horribly wrong TOP TORY peer Lord Howard of Rising hit out at the state of British politics at a Politics Society talk last week. During the event Lord Howard, Shadow Minister for the Cabinet Office for Treasury and Culture, Media and Sport, and former Private Secretary to Enoch Powell, discussed his feelings on the decline of parliament in society. Howard, who is also a Conservative whip in the House of Lords, argued that parliament has ironically become both too controlling and too lenient with the public. Suggesting that the public are losing basic rights, he highlighted that police in Britain now have more legal powers than ever to enter private residences. He also claimed that the British people have become dependant on the ‘nanny state’. He said those accepting social security are protected from reality. The Human Rights Act, argued Howard, ‘gives the illusion of freedom’ but in fact leaves the public obligated to act in certain ways. Howard also suggested that parliament is losing its influence over the government. He cited the example

BIG FISH, LITTLE FISH, CARDBOARD BOX: Greville Patrick Charles Howard, Baron Howard of Rising, is unimpressed of Labour’s use of its parliamentary majority to appoint Michael Martin as Speaker, despite determined opposition from the Conservatives. Howard pointed to Martin’s resignation following the MPs' expenses scandal, and remarked that his replacement, John Bercow, was also likely to fail as he was chosen in the same way.

LYLE BRENNAN

Katie Cunningham

Asked about the ongoing row over expenses, he said that while he felt they had been given too much money, the real issue was that MPs had not done their jobs correctly. On this point he appeared to move away from David Cameron’s public condemning of the large expenses grants, and his demands made to Tory

MPs that they be paid back. Howard also said that Jacqui Smith’s expenses abuse - in particular her ownership of two houses - was especially offensive because of her attempts to deny it. This response was different, he alleged, from the expected way in which MPs would act in similar situations in the past. Previously, Howard suggested, MPs would resign even if innocent simply because they had let down the public. Commenting more generally on parliamentary wages, Howard also said that he feels if Members are paid too much money then their ability to represent their constituencies is lessened. He said that in this situation they 'become part of the system…and stop questioning it.' In his role as Shadow Minister for Media, Lord Howard was also questioned on how he felt about the modern press and the connection between the media and the public. He stated that he feels that the Blair government released too much information through the press before discussing it in parliament. Censorship, he argued was sometimes necessary, including in monetary and war issues. news@studentnewspaper.org

THE UNIVERSITY of Edinburgh's Informatics Forum has received a coveted award from the British Council after judges described it as ‘eye-wateringly beautiful.’ The building, which was completed in 2008 and opened by Alex Salmond, was commended for combining an interactive learning environment with an outstanding office building. Edinburgh-based Bennetts Associates Architects were responsible for the development. Director John Miller said: “We are delighted with this latest award. [The building] is incredibly important for both the university and Scotland. The flagship complex houses the Informatics Department, formerly run by now Principal of the University Timothy O’Shea. CK

Hogmanay hots up

THE NOISETTES and Mylo will support Madness at this year’s Edinburgh Hogmanay. The acts will also be accompanied by DJ sets from Snow Patrol’s Gary Lightbody and Tom Simpson, and Belle and Sebastian’s Richard Colburn. The Noisettes will warm up for the Eighties heroes on the main stage, while Mylo will play on the West End DJ stage. The event’s creative director Pete Irvine said: “Last year we moved the street party on to a new level and now we’re taking it further.” CK

Tuesday October 20 2009 studentnewspaper.org

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Comment

A noble sentiment Jordan Campbell asks if Obama has earned his prize here is no denying that Barack T Obama is a remarkable man. As a community worker, lawyer, profes-

sor, author, senator and the first black President of the United States, his career to date is impressive. Elected on a platform promising change, his election victory last November felt like a new dawn not just for America but for the world after eight years of George W. Bush. It is difficult not be inspired by his impressive oratorical skills in which the message of hope and a safer world are expounded with sincere compassion. He is immensely popular the world over, perhaps more so outside of America, and can produce levels of euphoria amongst crowds that usually only rock stars could hope to achieve. Obama is cool and everyone wants to be associated with him, from Gordon Brown to Scarlett Johansson. It seems however that this euphoria is exactly what the 2009 Nobel peace prize committee have been caught up in, feeling the need to jump on the

Obama bandwagon. It is true that the sentiment contained within Obama’s plans has been convincing. Earlier this year in Prague, he spoke of his vision for a world without nuclear weapons. However, the US is yet to decrease their stockpiles while Iran moves ever closer towards developing their first nuclear weapon. On his first day in office Obama spoke of the need to suspend Guantanamo Bay, but alas the detention centre that continues to generate such a negative image the world over, remains open. Furthermore Obama has won a peace prize at a time when he is the head of an army fighting a war in Afghanistan that is showing no end. The day Obama won the prize, speculation was mounting that he was about to send more troops. It is unprecedented for the recipient to be at war. Also since his time in office, though not necessarily his own fault, the possibility of war with Iran has not detracted and perhaps even increased. Granted he has improved

American relations with Russia by dropping George Bush’s project of installing nuclear defence shields in Eastern Europe but this alone with strong rhetoric does not merit the award. In awarding Obama the prize, the Nobel committee have overlooked two individuals that deserve the prize more. Current Zimbabwean Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai has pushed tirelessly to gain political power in Zimbabwe to bring change to a country, brought to the brink by the demagogue rule of Robert Mugabe. He has continuously promoted democracy through peaceful methods despite the violent bullying that has been imposed upon himself and his party, the Movement for Democratic Change. Tsvangirai was appointed Prime Minster last year in a power sharing government after Mugabe finally accepted that Tsvangirai’s party had secured the most votes in the election. Giving him the prize would not only recognize his gallant work but

also symbolise the global condemnation of Robert Mugabe’s actions. Alternatively former U.S. President Bill Clinton would also be a

“

President Obama, less than a year into his Presidency, has managed to secure one of the most coveted prizes in the world, largely due to his words and not his actions." deserving recipient. During his eight years as President between 1994 and 2000, he was instrumental in the Northern Ireland Good Friday peace agreement in 1998 and came tantalizingly close to achieving a long-

lasting peace deal between Israel and Palestine. Since leaving office he has created a foundation to promote awareness and address the causes of HIV/AIDS and only recently, personally flew to North Korea to secure the release of two kidnapped U.S. journalists. Perhaps the Nobel committee thought he would be politically incorrect given his record in the bedroom. In explaining the reasoning behind Obama’s award, head of the committee Thorbjoern Jagland said, ““It was because we would like to support what he is trying to achieve”. Barack Obama has the potential to make a hugely positive difference to the world. It is however only potential at the moment. History teaches us that ultimately it is actions and not words that make the difference. Receiving the award so early has only increased the pressure for Obama to succeed and raised global expectations to new heights. Let’s hope we are not all disappointed.

All spice, no substance

Kamila Kocialkowska investigates the superficial side of 'ethnic' fashion

nyone stuck for how to interpret this season’s fashion should look no further than the October issue of French Vogue. There is the most adorable take on the ‘ethnic’ trend: not content with feathers and headscarves, they have completely blacked-up one of their white models. True, it’s a somewhat high-maintenance look, what with covering your entire face and body in makeup. And what do you mean it seems a little racist? A touch of bigotry is just so risqué and edgy, no? Plus, the whole look gives a nudge and a wink to imperialist theory, implying you are someone who has read not only Vogue, but also Heart of Darkness. I can see this catching on big time. Anna Wintour is, no doubt, a big fan. After all, as she was the first person to put a black model on the cover of Vogue, she will assuredly be pleased to see the French version following on in this next, logical step of empowerment for ethnic minorities. As ever, a few people are spoiling the fun and ‘creativity’ by getting all worked up. Most people however, can only respond with a sort of disbelieving "Is this a joke?”. Then they learn that, in a bid to make the situation go from bad to worse, the magazine printed the offending photoshoot with a text praising model Lara Stone's ‘sense of humour’. The editors of French Vogue are presumably unaware that racism is somewhat strictly controlled in the mass media. In Britain, of course, Carol Thatcher was fired for using the term ‘golliwog’ in

her dressing room. Just last week an Australian TV chanel had to launch an official apology after they aired a Jackson Five sketch which involved blacked-up actors. This makes the fact that Vogue printed this month's photoshoot, somewhat unbelievable.

“

The only person I can think of who would respond approvingly to such images is my octogenarian Polish grandfather, who would nod at this sensible approach to ensuring increased employment for white people" The only person I can think of who would respond approvingly to such images is my octogenarian Polish grandfather, who would nod at this sensible approach to ensuring increased employment for white people. Regrettably, he’s not subscribed to Vogue. Still, I fear the magazine has not quite learnt its lesson. Editor Carine Roitfeld was allegedly unaware of any controversy, and unavailable for comment. One

presumes then, that they will continue to merrily blunder their way through the barricades of social convention in future issues. You could almost foresee something like this happening when fashion decides to go ‘ethnic’. Consider Louis Vuitton's ‘Spicy’ sandal (keep up, it was a bestseller). Suffice to say, if you’ve glanced at a woman’s glossy in the past year you have seen this shoe. It was everywhere. All sorts of rich, attractive people teamed it with their skinny jeans - Madonna, Alexa Chung, Posh Spice. The sandal is a seminal example of ‘ethnic’ fashion, described as ‘rare and exotic’ by Louis Vuitton; it consists of feathers, wooden beads, snakeskin and similar adornments. Yes it makes a nice, fancy pair of heels. But is it just me, or is there something unbearably patronizing in the fashion world’s interpretation of African styling? One style of these shoes included a scary, wooden ‘tribal mask’ as an embellishment to its suede fringing. How authentic. They all still dress like that, after all. Now how much research do you think Marc Jacobs and co did to come up with this particular aesthetic? You get the impressions they just typed ‘Masai Mara’ into Google and printed off the top hits. This particular trend is composed wholly of visual clichés. Surely everyone has a basic awareness of Africa being just as diverse and culturally complex as any other continent? Why does Louis Vuitton assume that the word ‘Africa’ is synonymous with the word ‘tribe’? It’s just a tad condescending.

And yes, Madge and Alexa, I know you don’t have £3000 to spare on a pair they look nice and jangly but have you of these shoes, you can now recreate the considered their implications in light of effect with a tin of brown facepaint postcolonial theory? No? Really? I’ll be a la Vogue Vogue.. Enjoy. V brief. In a nutshell, postcolonialism suggests that in the past, we in the West created out own visions of other ethnicities, entirely based on cliché and false assumptions. It’s why so much nineteenth century art is so unfashionable now; with paintings where the ‘orient’ is composed of exotic, sari-clad women smoking hashish and fondly stroking their pet cobras. This ludicrously romanticized and superficial visual language was presumed to have died out two centuries ago. Consider that. Now look through ‘Vogue goes African’. I’ll say no more. Enough of this intellectualism, lets talk fashion. The important thing is if, after all,

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�� Tuesday �� October �� 20 �� 2009 �� studentnewspaper.org�

Comment 9 � The Ghost of Christmas Post do you know it’s a Q: How major holiday?

Henry Birkbeck

A: A postal strike is looming. So once again the seasonal countdown has begun and the Communication Workers Union (CWU) has decided that come the 22nd and 23rd October they are officially striking. In the midst of the 2007 postal strike an agreement between the CWU and the Royal Mail service was signed that declared that jobs would have to be cut in order to modernise the postal service. The root of this new strike lies within that very agreement with the CWU striking against technology such as the Walk Sequencing Machine (which prints area-specific barcodes on the envelopes as they are sorted) that will reduce full-time jobs while increasing part-time work. These changes come as no surpise as the CWU has known about this since 2007, so why must they continue to strike? Already some areas have had to tolerate months of disrupted mail service with managerial staff and contract drivers having to step in to ensure postal deliveries. The Royal Mail is growing increasingly irrelevant, with even the BBC offering advice on alternative service options to the extent of providing phone numbers and prices. There is

All white on the night Mairi Gordon argues that silence will never beat the BNP

uestion time is classic BBC; dull at first glance and thrilling once you realise that Channel 4 is showing nothing but Big Brother re-runs. Its charm is simple: under the watchful moderation of David Dimbleby members of the ever surly public ask a panel of uncomfortable politicians about anything they see fit while we at home can sit back and watch our leaders squirm However the BBC’s latest guest list will have more than the politicians squirming in their seats. On 22 October Nick Griffin, notorious leader of the British National Party, will take the cushy seat to Dimmbleby’s right and face the British public. The decision was originally met with condemnation from Labour who threatened to boycott the BBC classic that’s now in its thirtieth year. While we’ll probably only know the morning after if the BBC’s bid for impartiality has bolstered the BNP or plunged them into deeper public shame, not sending a high profile Labourite to the panel would be disastrous. Thankfully the Labour Party has caught on and announced the Justice Secretary Jack Straw will be their spokesman for the night. He will not only join Nick Griffin but representatives from the two other major parties, the Liberal Democrats and the Conservatives. As noxious and narrow-minded as

the BNP’s philosophy may be, it is not the most threatening political tool in the UK; the other major parties’ ambivalence and silence is. In response to the BNP clawing its way to the limelight, the UK’s major parties have often adopted a technique tantamount to ‘la, la, la, I’m not listening’. The BNP will never be defeated through silence, however principled. Any party with a genuine interest in defeating Nick Griffin and his dubious manifesto must challenge the party word by word, offering a wholly different vision for the country.

“

In response to the BNP the UK’s major parties have often adopted a technique tantamount to ‘la, la, la, I’m not listening" Labour, the party who have repeatedly and publicly promised a fairer and more equal society, should come into their element here. Yet our government often seems tongue-tied when faced with Nick Griffin and his motley crew. Gordon Brown may condemn the BNP in the strongest possible terms but condemnation is not enough.

The BNP thrive off inequality, a word that remains the Achilles heel of both Labour and the Conservatives. Neither party has a glowing track record combating inequality and poverty, making them reluctant to point out the true source of the BNP’s rhetoric. The BNP often point to social housing as a prime example of the plight of persecuted whites being overlooked in favour of refugees and immigrants. Yet this summer the Equalities and Human Rights Commission revealed only 11 percent of new immigrants are able to secure subsided housing, and only two percent of social rented homes are occupied by immigrants who arrived in Britain over the last five years. This may still be a higher proportion than BNP leaders would like but even if social housing was devoted solely to those they deem 'indigenously British' there would remain a crippling shortage that’s been decades in the making. Blaming immigration may be cheaper than building more council homes, and it’s certainly easier than addressing deeply entrenched inequality but there remains no proof that it will ever provide working solutions to many of Britain’s most pressing problems. By their own definition, the BNP offer a narrow view of ‘Britishness’ and of Britain. It’s a vision that counts the last acceptable wave of immigration

as the one that brought Celts, Danes, Anglo-Saxons and Norsemen to our shores thousands of year ago. It’s a vision that would sprinkle so much of our history and culture with Daz (whiter than white), leaving the Italian pizzerias and Indian take-aways as relics of a forgotten time. Leaders of the major parties may condemn the BNP’s vision of Britain for ‘native Brits’ but they stop, frustratingly short of pointing to immigration as a source of anything but anxiety and policy reform. They remain preoccupied with the mysterious British identity. Our reputation as a fair and free country should be a point of pride. Our tradition of providing asylum to the persecuted and stateless should be a mark of our humanity. Nick Griffin claims a monopoly on conviction and courage in British politics, but his blustering masks a mean-spirited philosophy, lacking any workable solutions. Simply condemning the BNP hasn’t been enough to prevent their members for being elected to local councils and the European Parliament. On October 22nd the leaders of the major parties will have a chance to show real honesty and conviction, and to offer an alternative to Griffin’s whiter than white vision of Britain, that this voter and countless others are desperate to hear.

“

"The Royal Mail is growing increasingly irrelevant" an air of indifference surrounding the once loved posties. With their esteem plummeting this asinine strike will only make matters worse. The CWU is behaving like a petulant child by acting out against policies they themselves introduced. If they genuinely do have the welfare of their union members at heart they would stop the nonsense and behave in accordance to the Pay and Modernisation Agreement, and conserve whatever jobs may be left. After all, letter and parcel posting with Royal Mail has been dropping by about 10 percent a year, and if they keep this up Parcelforce and The Service Point will take over, and striking will be nullified because there won’t be any Royal Mail or CWU workers left. Perhaps I lay too much blame on the CWU, but I find it hard to point the finger at Royal Mail. They took the necessary steps to appease the CWU, with posting down £170m a year and the Royal Mail pension service in serious deficit, a strike will only postpone the inevitable mass firings. I suppose the biggest question is, does anyone really care whose fault the postal strike is? Is anyone truly bothered by the postal delays? Simple changes like checking bank statements and paying bills online or at the Post Offices will eradicate the Royal Mail middle man and keep our days flowing like usual. It’s frustrating, but there is nothing to be done at this point except, maybe, start sending your Christmas cards now. Fingers crossed that they get there.

Wanja Ochwada

TEVIOT HOUSE OF HORRORS

HALLOWEEN FANCY DRESS PARTY EDINBURGH’S BIGGEST AND BEST HALLOWEEN PARTY

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eusa.ed.ac.uk

Edinburgh Univerity Students’ Asociation is a Registered Scottish Charity (No.SCO15800)

A P H

C A E

Y T R

Celebrate the end of British Summertime

SATURDAY 24 OCTOBER Venue: Potterrow

eusa.ed.ac.uk

Edinburgh Univerity Studentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Asociation is a Registered Scottish Charity (No.SCO15800)

Time: 9pm - 3am

Tuesday October 20 2009 studentnewspaper.org

Something to say? editors@studentnewspaper.org

10 Editorial

Join us! The Student is always looking for budding reporters, reviewers, illustrators, photographers and designers to join our team. No experience necessary! If you're interested, here's how to track us down: » In person: Meetings are held in the Pentland Room, Pleasance, every Tuesday at1:15pm. Socials are held in Native State every Tuesday at 8:00pm » By email: editors@studentnewspaper.org » On Facebook: tinyurl.com/StudentFacebook » On Twitter: twitter.com/TheStudentPaper A quick history lesson...

The Student was launched by Scottish novelist and poet Robert Louis Stevenson in 1887, as an independent voice for Edinburgh's literati. It is Britain's oldest university newspaper and is an independent publication, distributing 6,000 copies free to the University of Edinburgh. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Lord Kitchener, David Lloyd George and Winston Churchill are a few of the famous people who have been associated with the paper. In the 1970s, Gordon Brown was the editor in chief, working alongside Robin Cook who at the time was in charge of film and concert reviews.

Disclaimer

The Student welcomes letters for publication. The editors, however, reserve the right to edit or modify letters for clarity. Anonymous letters will not be printed but names will be witheld on request. The letters printed are the opinions of individuals outwith The Student and do not represent the views of the editors or the paper as a whole. Editors Fern Brady/Craig Wilson News Neil Pooran/Anna MacSwan/Charlie King/Guy Rughani Senior News Writers Josh King/Jordan Campbell Comment Mairi Gordon/Ian Powell Features Susan Robinson/Rosie Nolan/Sara D'Arcy/Catherine McGloin/Juliet Evans� Lifestyle Stevie Wise/Shan Bertelli Art&Theatre Hannah Ramsey/Lisa Parr/Luke Healey Music Andrew Chadwick/Ed Ballard Film Kimberlee Mclaughlan/Dan Nicholson-Heap TV Paddy Douglas Tech Richard Lane Sport Martin Domin/Alastair Shand Copy Editing Katharine Adams/�� Rachel Shauger/�� Lara Zarum ��

Photography Lyle Brennan/Johann Bryant/Julia Sanches/Chris Kay Website Jack Schofield Illustrator Dan Smeeth/Henry Birkbeck /�� Genevieve Ryan

President Liz Rawlings Secretary Wanja Ochwada Treasurer Michaela Turner Advertising Tony Foster  0131 650 9189  Student Newspaper, 60 Pleasance, Edinburgh, EH8 9TJ  editors@studentnewspaper.org

Student Newspaper, 60 Pleasance, Edinburgh EH8 9TJ. Tel: 0131 650 9189. The Student lists links to third party websites, but does not endorse them or guarantee their authenticity or accuracy. © Student Newspaper Society. All rights reserved. No section in whole or part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmited in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior permission of the publisher. The Student is published by the Student Newspaper Society, 60 Pleasance, Edinburgh EH8 9TJ. Distributed by Lothian Couriers, 3 John Muir Place, Dunbar EH42 1GD. Tel: 01368 860115. Printed by Cumbrian Newsprint (part of the CN Group), Carlisle Print Centre, Newspaper House, Dalston Road, Cumbria CA2 5UA, on Monday October 19th 2009. Tel: 01228 612600. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

Taking issue

Your Letters

MACHO, MACHO MAN

his week EUSA bosses held meetings urging their staff not to talk to student press after The Student reported on the changes to EUSA staff 's working hours. In other - completely unrelated news, stacks of The Student went missing twice this week in Potterrow. Either we are very, very popular (to the extent that people are picking up not one copy, but 50 at a time) or someone is trying to shut us up. The Student newspaper costs a lot of money to print and distribute across the university campus. This money comes from a mix of advertising and memberships paid up by all of our writers and illustrators. We get paid nothing and, after spending hours in a basement producing the paper, we don’t like it when people chuck our work in the bin. Additionally, this constitutes a criminal offence and university security will be alerted. If you dislike what we print, email us at the usual address or arrange a meeting.

applaud Rosie Lloyd for an unusually balanced view of ‘machismo’ in such a left-wing publication as The Student. As one who was born in and spent most of his formative years in Andalucia, I can readily identify with many of the cultural attitudes that she describes. One thing I must take issue with, however, is her implicit association of masculine pride with Francoism, archaism, and domestic violence. In a world where being ‘modern’ and ‘Europeanised’ goes hand in hand with leaving the peasant-like attitude of machismo in the past, I believe we are denying men an essential role in society which leaves us increasingly marginalised and perhaps confused regarding our responsibilities in an 'enlightened' culture such as ours. Men with pride in their masculinity are derided as "gun-pumping, barfighting, Maxi-muscle aficionados." I would argue that such people are not men, but insecure boys. I would like to draw attention to the Fern Brady review of the popular TV show True Blood where she quotes the female lead as saying “You will treat me like the lady I am.” This is not a ‘lovely Southern belle thing,’ but a lady demanding the respect that a gentleman ought to accord her. I would like to think that in a culture where the genders are seemingly equal, we can retain a little machismo and allow men to carry 40kg suitcases up stairs for women and expect a certain amount of respect between the sexes because being a man is not a pathological condition and it is nei-

ther healthy nor natural for a society to become completely feminised. If channelled correctly, machismo and male pride can be used for the betterment of everyday life, society, and civilisation. Mitchell Tedesco 4th Year History

TECHNOCRATICALLY SPEAKING

hilst EUSA celebrate their magnificent achievement of getting around a tenth of the student population to click through MyEd, the sensible among them should pause for thought. Yes, by comparison 2,500 people was a great turn-out; better than most Student Associations’ general elections. One sentence of Harrison Kelly’s article ("Record turnout for EUSA bye-elections") jumps off the page: the caption "Meet your new student representatives. There are too many to name here." And therein lies EUSA’s biggest shortcoming. Besides low voter turnout, their main problem was getting candidates to stand for positions. How do they seek to remedy this problem? By creating more seats to go uncontested or empty? Surely not! The best thing for EUSA to do now, technocratically speaking, is to streamline. It shouldn’t require an entire governance review to tell the SRC that the various Action Group Conveners’ roles fall comfortably within the remit of existing positions. Name withheld by request

The Student talks to strangers online

Inspired by the more esoteric social networking sites (page 24), The Student decides to have an anonymous one-on-one chat using the online service from Omegle.com Connecting to server... Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on. You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You: hi Stranger: hi You: Im the editor of an awardwinning student newspaper You: How would you like to be our Academic News editor? Stranger: where You: UK Stranger: wat city You: u into news? Stranger: yeah but wat city You: Edinburgh Stranger: no i live in london Stranger: sorry maye someone else Stranger: btw i am 10 why would i want a job??? Your conversational partner has disconnected. Connecting to server... You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You: Hi Stranger: Hi is such a good icebreaker Stranger: but I mean Stranger: I think people should greet each other with battle cries You: THIS IS SPARTAAAAA!!!!! Stranger: YEEEEEEEEEES Stranger: I’m sure it would make it so much more exciting. Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server... You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! Stranger: hi You: Hi You: how are you? Stranger: Great, and you? You: I’m a bit sad today Stranger: Sucks :/ You: I wrote a column about gays and everyone’s taking it the wrong way Stranger: Haha... ouch You: what do you think I should do? They’re talking about sacking me... Your conversational partner has disconnected. Connecting to server... You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! Stranger: hey Stranger: m or f You: I think it’s spelled “Morph” Stranger: male or female? Stranger: lol You: Oh. Male. Stranger: age? You: In a closed universe that is expanding at ever increasing rates, gradually connecting galaxies that were once causally disconnected, age is meaningless. You: I’m 7 You: lol Stranger: too old Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server... You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You: Yeah Stranger: people on omegle piss me off Stranger: how are you You: Good You: Some people piss me off too. Get this. People are throwing away issues of the student paper. What should I do? Stranger: are they reading it first? Stranger: i used to read our paper at school, its pretty bad, but i do the sudoku at least You: We have a good sudoku and even an Hitori puzzle You: So I just can’t understand why they would do that Stranger: well if theyre reading it Stranger: no big deal Stranger: give them a spot to recycle it Stranger: if theyre just throwing it away to be dicks, i dont know Connecting to server... You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You: Hi. What do you think about Annie Lennox receiving an honorary degree from Edinburgh University? Stranger: I honestly hadn’t heard about it. You: Don’t you read The Student? Stranger: I do not. There aren't any issues from where I'm from

studentnewspaper.org Tuesday October 20 2009

FEATURESINTERVIEWSREVIEWS » ARTMUSICFILM » LIFESTYLE » TECHTV

ARTS & FEATURES

IN THE STUDENT THIS WEEK

AND NOW FOR SOMEONE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FILM P16

NINTH CHEVRON LOCKED IN TV P23

I CAN BE A FROG

MUSIC P18

Taking the Mickey?

Who says a degree in Media Studies is pointless? What do you do with a MA in English? Eloise Kohler separates fact from opinion and questions the all too popular label 'Mickey Mouse degree' highly profitable field, yet not seen as needing a degree to enter. Looking at post-graduate employment however, you see the relevance of these degrees. 81 percent of students from Sheffield University went straight into employment following a Communication and Media Studies degree. Compare this with the number of graduates going into employment following an English

“

hen asking friends their thoughts on a Mickey Mouse degree, I got a varied response. From "what a waste of money" to "I wish I was doing one" to (quite honestly) "you can actually do a degree in Mickey Mouse?" Despite Unnamed Friend not entirely understanding the terminology, her statement has a sense of irony. One American university is proposing a course on the life and works of Disney. A perfect example of a Mickey Mouse degree. A Mickey Mouse degree is defined as "one where the content is perhaps not as rigorous as one would expect and which may not have a huge relevance in the labour market." The phrase developed in the 1990s with the Labour government's target to get 50 percent of students into higher education by 2012. However, ministers did not consider that a person getting three Ds at A-level was perhaps not best suited to academia. This led the number of vocational and less academically intensive courses to increase, ranging from Media Studies to Happiness Degrees (UEL) to Klingon for Beginners. Woodhead, former chief inspector of Ofsted, remarked that "students are simply taking on a lot of debt to

DAN SMEETH

Employers and students need to tell the difference between an actual Mickey Mouse degree and those that merely look like one."

do courses which employers do not value." With figures this year stating that, by graduation, the average UK student debt is reaching £17,500, to do a worthless degree seems of more consequence than ever. Yet a recent survey by the Taxpayers Allowance found 401 'non-courses' being offered by universities. Jake, a University of Edinburgh Physics student, observed

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Leave the fake degrees for the intellectually challenged. No one is looking for a degree in film making and studies." that "people up and down the country go to university for the experience. They spend three years 'experiencing', doing a scam of a course, assuming that they'll have a job at the end of it because they have a 'degree'. Yet what employer is going to be impressed by a course like Outdoor Adventure with Philosophy? It's utterly stupid."

Indeed this is the view of many. A pandemic in higher education. Rather than getting a pointless qualification, it is thought that those who are less academically inclined should get a job after school, or gain an apprenticeship in something vocationally based. Yet do universities wish to educate students or merely to train them? Is it courageous that these young people are so interested by their course, they are willing to pursue a subject deemed 'useless'? Naomi, a second-year Historian, was passionate about film making and studies. "I looked into all the courses, I attended some genuinely stimulating lectures and was excited to apply." However after a talk with her careers counsellor, she was told "leave the fake degrees for the intellectually challenged. No one is looking for a degree in film making and studies." If these students are taking courses in areas they are truly fascinated by, what right to we have to attack their interests? Every generation has their Mickey Mouse degrees. The arts were mocked in the 70s, sociology in the 80s and gender studies in the 90s. All of which are now recognised as legitimate by most academics. Danny from Falmer University is currently enjoying a three year course in Media Studies. "I get to make my own documentaries and learn about popular culture. It's

much more relevant to the outside world and has taught me so many different skills." He pauses. "It just doesn't seem to have taught me anything specific." Yet getting an education should not just be about what you learn that will aid you in the job market. The DirectGov website states that a reason for going to university is to "let you study something you love." For many this is not going to be a prestigious subject, yet how patronising of us to assume whether this will be of any intellectual or financial benefit to the student. Indeed the London mayor, Boris Johnson, is a principal supporter of Mickey Mouse degrees. "It is ridiculous for critics to denounce 'Mickey Mouse degrees' and say that the students would be better off doing vocational courses - when the whole point of these degrees is that they're largely vocational." This is true of many of the so-called Mickey Mouse degrees such as hairdressing and textile design, which are just as vocational as medicine and architecture, but still not held in as high esteem. The main difference is that these provide for the service industry, a

Literature degree at Edinburgh, 63 percent. All of the most distinguished universities offer an English Literature course. Yet using the evidence and the proper definition of a Mickey Mouse degree, English would therefore be more suited to the term. This is obviously not true. Despite English being mocked in the media with songs such as "What to do with a BA in English?", English requires much academic expertise, and the analytical skills developed are required in many first-class jobs. So perhaps the name 'Mickey Mouse degree' is being overused? There are many problems with higher education: rising tuition fees, oversubscription, the 'dumbing down of degrees', but so-called Mickey Mouse courses aren't one of them. Obviously there are still going to be ridiculous degrees which will never be revered in the same way as traditional subjects, but most Mickey Mouse degrees require just as much training and lesson time as other respectable courses. This is an example of the information problem. There is an assumption that these degrees are pointless, but looking at the facts this is obviously not the case. Employers and students need to be able to tell the difference between an actual Mickey Mouse degree and those that merely look like one. Sceptical? Last year, Lucy Maynard recieved a BA in the study of Stained Glass Windows from Swansea. She's now successfully self-employed and "has absolutely her dream job." How many people have you heard saying that recently?

studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday October 20 2009 features@studentnewspaper.org

14 Features

Has monogamy lost its sex appeal?

n the recent discussion 'Is MonogaIof eager my Deviant?', myself and a number spectators sat agog waiting for monogamy to be clapped in irons and undergo a more severe grilling than a BK Whopper. The talk, coordinated by the ESRC genomics forum, promised scientific, social and creative approaches to the topic, and boasted distinguished evolutionary biologist Helena Cronin. Cronin's well-delivered yet predictably obdurate pitch we certainly got, but social and creative approaches were somewhat M.I.A. Instead, theatre director Stewart Laing and magazine editor Gareth K. Vile offered a few limp and vague comments about 'social normativity', which were so indistinguishable from Cronin's argument that one audience member even commented that it seemed "very cosy up on the panel". From the sense of under-whelmed dissatisfaction, which seemed to

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In their bid to propagate their genes, men 'go for quantity not quality', whereas a woman wants a high-calibre male who is going to ensure the survival of the offspring."

diffuse through the audience in the closing moments of the discussion, I couldn't help feeling that monogamy was released without trial. Science has enjoyed centuries of near-unquestioning kudos, but never before has nurture been so hot on the heels of nature in the fierce debate. Indeed, Cronin's exposition of monogamy as inherent in human makeup was persuasive and lucid, following the standard evolutionary model. Primarily, the difference between women and men is set out as concretely biological, innate and essential. Women supposedly choose partners judiciously, desiring a man who will be able to provide for their offspring, and explains women's preference for older men who are more likely to have resources. On the other hand, men are said to look for a woman who is young and curvaceous, indications of fertility. In their bid to propagate their genes, men 'go for quantity not quality', whereas a woman want a high-calibre male who is going to ensure the survival of offspring. This is her incentive to tie herself to the male provider, so why are men monogamous? The evolutionary approach would answer that the male has an 'evolved disposition to commit' in order to ensure his children-ergo genes-survive. Human offspring are the most dependent at birth of all mammals, and require paternal investment long after conception. This is supported by the findings that when a baby is born not only do the mother's hormones alter, but the father experiences a decrease in testosterone and an increase in prolactin, making him calmer and more emotional. This

neat cohesion of genetic tendencies to form couples and raise children seems convenient- so why do people cheat? Cronin responds to this in terms of 'extra pair copulations' (EPCs): the supposition that both sexes have the capacity to cheat and break away from the monogamous model of evolutionary behaviour; cheating becomes a biological response, a secondary model of sexual behaviour. Women cheat because the other man has something her existing partner does not, be it wealth or status, and men cheat because 'the other woman isn't his wife'. In short, men itch for variety and women seek the ultimate provider. This seems wonderfully streamlined: boy meets girl, decides she is the fertile woman of his dreams - and who is she to turn down a man who's able to bring home the bison? Clearly, this is problematic, considering we don't live in a society of neanderthals. (Minor lapses at Potterrow on a Saturday aside.) Let's pick up where Cronin and her cronies left off. Or left out. Firstly, not all societies conform to this monogamous model of interpersonal relationships and reproduction. Many civilisations have, and continue to practice both polygamy and polyandry as a workable means of surviving. For example, polyandry can be observed in in some Sub-Saharan African and American indigenous communities, and until recently, Tibet. This often involves a group of brothers marrying one woman and raising children together, indicating that the zealous propagation of genes may be secondary to other factors, such as economic pragmatism. In this instance of polyandry, the men provide for their collective spouse and her offspring as a unit. This is a socially constructed response to a particular environment and shows that human behaviours are not universal. In more affluent societies women generally enjoy greater equity and personal freedom and live independently of a male partner. In a recent studyone of the largest ever on divorce -it transpires that women are more likely to file for divorce, defying the assumption that women are programmed to cling to a provider. As for our basic instincts of attraction, evolutionists are out of step with the modern woman, many of whom would value humour above wealth in a potential partner, which does not fit the evolutionary argument that no cavewomen wanted a funny huntergather. The 21st century desirability of lithe, 'supermodel' women moreover suggests men's tastes include aesthetics outside the childbearing hourglass figure. Although this does not indicate monogamy patterns, it does assert that the rules of primitive society are no longer relevant. Same-sex attraction further undermines the evolutionary paradigm of monogamy. If we are programmed to pursue relationships only to reproduce, homosexuality would not exist. Yet the sexual diversity of our society proves that homosexuality is a legitimate interpersonal relationship which does not centre around the propagation of

FLICKR: LJ_SCAMPO

Following the recent discussion 'Is monogamy deviant?', Rebbecca Ross investigates whether social changes have made monogamy a thing of the past.

CARE BEARS: Monogamy is easy for gummy bears, given they don't have genitals, or brains. genes. Stewart Laing talked openly about his experience of gay male promiscuity, commenting that the lesbian couples he knew favoured monogamous relationships. This, he inferred, was indicative of the innate male tendency for sexual variety and female

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Evolutionists are out of step with the modern woman, many of whom would value humour above wealth, which does not fit the evolutionary argument-no cavewomen wanted a funny hunter-gatherer.' desire for commitment. Yet this is too sweeping a deduction. In recent years the upsurge in male civil partnerships, and increased liberation of female sexuality, indicate that there is not necessarily an innate gender behaviour. Perhaps we see greater freedom of sexual exploration and a more varied approach in gay, bisexual and lesbian relationships as they fall outside of the

heteronormative social sphere which dictates monogamy, marriage and 2.4 children as the natural state. Increasingly though, we do see both heteroand homosexual couples enjoying a more liberal approach to dating, with the popularity of open relationships, signalling a challenge to the construct of hard-line monogamy. Aside from not being applicable to many social groupings, the evolutionary argument also borders on an excuse for some questionable behaviour. Cronin explained how men fear cuckoldry, which may in turn lead them to treat women as property in an act of 'male guarding'. This idea manifests itself in early Roman law whereby adultery was defined as a woman cheating on her husband, not vice versa. Additionally, infidelity on the part of the woman was often used as a mitigating circumstance for domestic violence. In Early Modern Europe, the 'other man' in these 'unfaithful wife scenarios' was liable for charges of property violation, expounding the idea of male ownership and female subservience. This idea still exists in insidious forms, masquerading as romance. In marriage, it is the social norm for a woman to take her husband's surname - ask a man whether they would be happy to take their wife's surname and it would widely be dismissed. These examples illustrate how the notion of determined

biological behaviours and tendencies legitimise a system of patriarchy wherein the female is the property, or sexual object of the male. As some sociologists have accurately pointed out, evolutionary psychology is only wholly applicable if the environment remains static. Our social environment is dynamic, meaning human behaviour cannot be constrained by habits that calcified in the Stone Age. One evolutionary psychologist Geoffrey Miller urges us to "rethink foundational assumptions" of evolutionary psychology, starting with the claim that there are human universals that are the result of a Stone Age brain. Social commentator Sharon Begley concedes that "evolution indeed sculpted the human brain" but importantly identifies that "it worked [it] in malleable plastic, not stone". I put it to the jury that monogamy is not a concrete biological norm, but a social construct designed and perpetuated in association with various social, political and moral institutions, often at the expense of individual expression. This is not to say that monogamy is a social evil or should be 'abolished', just that it is not necessarily for everyone, and imposing such rigid evolutionary explanations of human behaviour is reductionist, not to mention completely out of synch with a modern, progressive society.

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Tuesday October 20 2009 features@studentnewspaper.org

Features 15

Tales of innocence and experience

Ever naively assumed journalism would be a heady cocktail of interviews, exclusives and learning tricks of the trade? Five students share tales of boredom, mortification and desperation in their pursuit of the perfect work experience Bowden had an unrewarding work J enexperience at her local newspaper

During the summer I did a week’s work experience at a local newspaper. It was a bit of a trek from where I lived so I ended up spending over 40 pounds on travel by taking three buses to get there. The experience itself wasn’t horrific; simply detrimental to my ambitions to learn all I could about the newspaper business before leaving university. I entered the office with loads of ideas and an open mind as to the tasks I would be given. I wasn’t naive; I expected to be sitting behind someone else’s desk and typing up press releases, but I was determined at the same time to make the most out of the week. When out on assignment with one of the reporters, she expressed great surprise when I took down a video camera tripod, and even greater surprise when I told her I’d covered aspects of journalism in A-Level Media Studies. Yet none of this led to my being given any tasks other than snippets of writing. I sat in on one meeting the whole week and was promised that I’d be given a multitude of tasks for the rest of the week. Instead I spent hours sitting doing nothing, or listening to the chief reporter, a recent graduate, talk about how he was going to make a sticker for his car. I was under the impression that when students offer themselves for work experience, they’re expecting to get just that. Most of the time their willingness to work is abused or ignored because they don’t yet have a qualification. They are the workers of the future, and if employers expect students to have expe-

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I spent hours sitting listening to the chief reporter talk about how he was going to make a sticker for his car" rience, then it would probably be a good idea not to waste their time when they’ve held up their studies to undertake it. osie Nolan got creative then clumsy R with a fortnight's internship at The Skinny Magazine I was fairly certain I wasn’t cool enough to work at The Skinny. The first morning of my two-week stint, I dithered pathetically outside the main door of the warren-like Drill Hall in a Leith by-street, desperate not to be so irritatingly early that I would interrupt some edgy, hyperartistic journalistic brainstorming, and then panicked at the thought that they wouldn’t take kindly to a tardy intern. I needn’t have worried. The staff in the office were uniformly welcoming, albeit a little at a loss about what to do with me for the first few hours. This initial phase of indecision was clearly worth it however, since – contrary to my happy expectation of an arm-long list of menial tasks – I was soon writing reviews, updating their website and helping organise Festival events. Meanwhile, my first waves of anxiety about translating my English-Lit-essay-pomp into sexily descriptive paragraphs of Skinny-speak, had dissipated

by the beginning of week two. I was credible, I was hip, I BELONGED! And that was when I started embarrassing myself. I woefully misjudged the acceptability of a packed lunch (even worse, the smell of Thai sweet chilli was abhorrent to the much-revered writer sitting directly beside me); when trying to connect a USB cable, I whacked first my elbow, then my knee, then my head on the underside of a desk like a panicked spider and finally, when apologetically asked to organise the monthly mailout, I charged international postage on 20 of the copies being delivered to London. Safe to assume, then, as the intern who quite literally couldn’t address an envelope, my last day of work experience would be the last I’d see of the Drill Hall. But apparently iffy food odours, clumsiness and general

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The Big Issue aims to offer a way out of poverty, making working for free easier to swallow" ineptitude can be overlooked as long as you seem eager, since I was offered a permanent – if still unpaid – job. My verdict? Work experience is what you make of it: if you do your best to stand out – in a good way – and don’t expect miracles, you can come away with something more valuable than money. airi Gordon tackled the Big Issues of M working for something better than cash In the course of my work experience I’ve chased senior citizens for photos, accidentally convinced foreigners I’m a member of the BNP, berated Julian Clary about his dead dog and phoned up the NHS to find out if the guy on the swine flu posters actually has swine flu. (He’s just an actor; that’s the line and they're sticking to it.) Like a lot of my fellow students I’ve been working for free, in my case with The Big Issue. A commercial magazine, sold by homeless and vulnerable people who keep the profit. It aims, eventually, to offer a way out, of poverty and homelessness. All this makes working for free considerably easier to swallow. While there were mo-

ments of melt-under-the-desk embarrassment and moments of ‘why has no one filed for the last five years’ the truth is that my time at The Big Issue has taught me a lot about the job I so blissfully day-dreamed about for most of my time at college. It hasn’t put me off; in many ways I feel more desperately attached to those visions, of me, my notebook and pen squeezing the world, in all its enormity and wonder, into black and white type-face, like prize sausages in a butcher’s window. It has however made me realise how many cups of coffee, bizarre phone enquiries and surprising surly stand-ups stand between me and this vision. As graduation lurks round the corner I’m also uncomfortably aware that working for free will never cover the rent. That said, it’s still a dream, and for now one worth chasing grannies down the street for.

ndy Chadwick developed a few vices of his own on his three-month London internship Vice Magazine: purveyor of such modern journalistic opuses as ‘The Vice Guide to Milking Your Prostate', and my personal favourite, ‘Who’s number one at holding number two?’ Sounds like a good place for a budding student journalist to cut their teeth and hone their craft, right? Perhaps not, but my three months at Vice serving as whipping boy at the pleasure of a group of East London hipsters wasn’t as bad as the 21st century nightmare it sounds like it should have been. It helped that I wasn’t a rich West London kid ‘slumming it out East, working for Vice because it was the ultimate ‘fuck you’ to my parents despite living off their handouts, and it also helped that I did everything I was told. I wasn’t a great fan of a lot of their content, but much of it, especially the travel writing, was interesting, original and really nothing like the titles listed above. But looking back, and even though I obtained some good experiences, I still mainly think, ‘What the fuck was I doing?’ I went down to London with about £200, hoping I’d find some part-time paid work to fit around the full-time unpaid work I was doing during the week. I was lucky enough to have friends

scattered around East London whose couches I could stay on, but after running out of money, I was reduced to eating unsold food thrown out at the end of the day by the nearby Eat and shoplifting when food there was lacking. I probably thought I was the fucking Artful Dodger. In the end

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I was reduced to shoplifting when food was lacking - I probably thought I was the fucking Artful Dodger" I got a few shifts temping behind a bar in between running errands all around the city, interviewing random people on the street and searching the darkest recesses of the internet for weird stories that might warrant an article. I’m not sure how I thought I would manage working for three months unpaid, and it remains one of the most stupid and reckless things I’ve ever done; I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone who can’t safely afford it. I never thought the prospect of a line on my CV and a good reference would drive me to act so irrationally. Despite this, I gained a lot of confidence from having survived the whole thing, and certainly learnt a lot about the media industry - it’s full of twats, but also some nice, interesting, funny people, just like everywhere else really.

ara D'Arcy went to The Times and was stumped with the all-important question: what the hell to wear? Now this may seem like a superfluous question, but as a northern, liberal female entering an institution renowned for being conservative, in terms of principles and politics, it became a highly significant factor. My image would make or break my work experience. I wanted to ensure that I would fit into The Times archetype, while still maintaining my identity, and thus become a face among their many interns that they would remember. This meant that I had to inject attire into my wardrobe that was in keeping with my indie credentials whilst also being conservative, sophisticated, and well covered up! It was a task that took up time and money, thankfully abusing my mother’s credit card. Entering the ominous Times head office, slightly hungover from a supposedly ‘quiet’ evening on red wine, I felt that I had managed to accomplish the unaccomplishable. I strolled into the London headquarters sporting a vintage patterned dress with a fitted black blazer, set off by my Fred Perry flats. I felt that I dressed the part, mixing youthful fashion with office conformity. However, on meeting my colleagues I realised that my uneasiness was all for nothing: The Times office was relaxed, with a surprisingly liberal atmosphere and a decided lack of suits. After spending a week at The Times with like-minded writers, I learnt that my preconception of journalists as being orthodox, Conservative men was highly distorted. The face of journalism is rapidly changing from the negative image it held in, say, the 80s. However, student journalists still feel the need to look the part, and regardless of transformations within the office environment, work experience results in unwarranted expense not only to subsist, but also to look good while doing it.

"Degree? No, you won't need that here. Get the coffees in."

Tuesday October 20 2009 film@studentnewspaper.org

16 Review

FILM THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS DIRECTED BY TERRY GILLIAM  t’s hard to summarise the disjointed Iapparently plot of Terry Gilliam’s latest effort. He calculated that if you throw

enough elements into a film some narrative alchemy will turn them into a story. Christopher Plummer is the chief of an order of monks who tell stories to keep the world from ending. Later on he becomes the titular Dr Parnassus, but for now he has a huge red bindi on his forehead to show that he’s really mystical. Informed internet sources reveal that he may or may not be God. The Devil arrives (played dandyishly by Tom Waits) and uses some kind of anti-klaxon to suck the air from the monks’ lungs. This fails to bring about the apocalypse, so with that promising plotline safely squandered the Devil and the doc can get on with making a good old-fashioned Faustian pact. The terms: Dr P. can live forever, but the Devil gets the soul of any children he may have when they turn 16.

LE DONK & SCORZAY-ZEE DIRECTED BY SHANE MEADOWS  he last time Paddy Considine T starred in a Shane Meadows feature, Dead Man’s Shoes found him prowl-

ing around the Peak District in a gas mask, punching his enemies to death. Their new mockumentary, Le Donk & Scor-zay-zee, opens with Considine dressed like the Edge, mangling his Staffordshire accent into a Texan drawl and ushering his tubby rap sensation sidekick onstage. “It’s not like my other films,” explains Meadows, poking in and out of shot with a steadicam. He’s not wrong. Shot in real time over five days, with most characters playing themselves, this quick and sketchy offering charts the run-up to real-life rapper Scor-zay-zee’s 15 minutes of fame. Pulling the strings is washed-up roadie and limelight thief, Le Donk (Considine), whose ex-girlfriend (Peep Show’s Olivia Colman) is expecting his child. Set against an Arctic Monkeys concert at the Old Trafford cricket ground, their struggle for a life-changing support slot only hints at Meadows’ pedigree of bleak social realism, giving way to a far warmer, more

STARING COMPETITION: I win hands down By now an ancient souse, Plummer rolls into present-day London in a rickety horse-drawn sideshow fitted out in classic Gilliam style with calliope and arcane gadgetry. There’s also a midget (Verne Troyer), who mans the show along with cheeky sleight-of-hand artist Anton and Parnassus’ foolishlyconceived daughter Valentina, who’s almost 16. She’s played by Lily Cole, that model with the far-apart eyes. She looks the part but her acting's exposed once the story puts her character’s soul in jeopardy. The sideshow is miraculous - audioptimistic kind of filmmaking. The film’s substance lies in the exploitative, vaguely paternal relationship between its titular characters as they bicker over creative differences. Le Donk, though amiable, is childish, selfish and a master of the backhanded compliment. As he strives to keep his flaws in check, many will recognise him as reminiscent of the Gervais monopoly on awkward humour. Scorzay-zee (real name Dean Palinczuk), meanwhile, is lovable throughout as the laid-back, downtrodden hopeful, tolerating his self-proclaimed manager’s abuse. What at first appears to be the film’s central joke – the absurd situation of an ingenuous white bloke from Nottingham aspiring to the bravado of hiphop stardom – quickly vanishes when Scor-zay-zee showcases what turns out to be genuine talent. The premise of the film - that Meadows has decided on a whim to document the entirely unremarkable life of a small-time roadie - is admittedly pretty feeble, and the illusion of realism occasionally falters in the more obviously scripted scenes, though not once at the expense of comedic effect. This is a gentle, unassuming – yet surprisingly gratifying – film that never fails in its feel-good objectives.

FLATULANCE : Considered to a leading cause of bad taste

Lyle Brennan

ences step through a looking-glass into a universe where all of their fantasies are momentarily realised - but apparently Heath Ledger is required to market it to us jaded Brits. Disconcertingly, he’s dying when he shows up, hanging from Blackfriars Bridge. He’s charming but suspicious, an amnesiac in a sharp suit. Valentina decides he’s just the White Knight to rescue her from tedious bohemia, and soon he’s running the sexed-up show as a Blair-like moderniser (this dubious parallel is made explicit at one point). Ledger’s final performance was never

going to trump his Joker. His accent is half geezer, half bushwhacker, and he doesn't energise a script that gave him little to play with. And Gilliam erred after his leading man's demise by planting a saccharine elegy in the mouth of one of his characters. The film concludes with a chase scene in the Imaginarium as Parnassus and the Devil contend for Valentina’s soul. These sequences are as inventive as you’d expect from Gilliam, but his ideas translate oddly into CGI: give me the steampunk weirdness of 12 Monkeys over this Wonkaland any day. It's in these scenes that Depp, Law and Farrell step in for the deceased: they're all OK, except Law. He’s never OK. Gilliam’s fable is at its best when it juxtaposes magic with bland modernity - when the Imaginarium draws up alongside a monolithic grey Homebase, for example. But there's little of the transcendent brilliance he can sometimes conjure, nothing to match the set-piece in The Fisher King when Grand Central Station becomes a giant ballroom. He’s attempting a grand celebration of the power of storytelling, but ends up merely eulogising his own conjuring powers. They’re considerable, but not enough to make a good film out of this lot. Ed Ballard

5 Films... ... for birthday boy Danny Boyle

TO CELEBRATE film maker Danny Boyle's 53rd birthday on the 20th of October, we at film have selected what we consider to be his finest work. Trainspotting (1996) With the release of Trainspotting in 1996, Danny Boyle hit home with his first major success. Adapted from Irivine Welsh's book, Trainspotting follows Renton (Ewan McGregor) and his struggles to escape the Edinburgh drug scene, in spite of his status as a self-confessed 'skaghead'. Boyle created cinematic history with one of the greatest cult classics ever made. The Beach (2000) The Beach is the story of a community of travelers residing on one of the most secluded and beautiful beaches in the world. Living in an untouched paradise, their tale reveals the marked contrast between their world and a life of commercialism and tack. It is filmed brilliantly and made with an honesty to how Alex Garland would have intended his book to be portrayed. 28 Days later (2002) 28 Days Later is considered by many to be the greatest zombie film ever made. It demonstrates perhaps more so than any other film on this list the mixture of tragedy and humour which has become Boyle’s signature style.

HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME: Fetish for dummies

TRIANGLE DIRECTED BY CHRISTOPHER SMITH  ever have I ever seen a film and N wished that the main character would kill herself as much as I did

watching Triangle. Jess, a single mum with an autistic child, shows up on her friend’s boating trip slightly haggard and mentally disturbed. She has a few déjà-vus and can’t quite shake a certain ominous feeling. Soon the nightmare begins, presenting itself as a nerve-racking puzzle at first. When the pieces of the story start falling into place, a certain expectation for some sort of a solution arises. However, the redemption never arrives and what is left is a repetitive feast of surreal predestination while Jess struggles on to make sense of the events. Her efforts become increasingly tedious and frustratingly enough, the film seems like seeing somebody else’s bad dream. Unfortunately there’s no awakening from this dream as it drags on to an eventually predictable stop that is the end. The problem with Triangle is that it lacks an overarching message or point. The mystery is left rolling, but

at the same time it is difficult to dissect any sort of meaning or reason to its beginnings. Even if one was to consider this as an exercise in storytelling, as there are some clever scenes in it, these are often inconsistent with the plot as a whole. Leaving the logical impossibilities aside here, similar stories have been told in a much better way, for instance in Duncan Jones’ Moon and Tom Tykwer’s Run Lola Run. Melissa George as long-suffering Jess gives a good performance, possibly about to land her a few other major roles besides the ventures into TV’s Grey’s Anatomy and In Treatment. The rest of the cast is fairly average, suffering from the script that stops their characters from having much development beyond the stereotypical first impressions of ‘the nice guy’, ‘the vain guy’, ‘the slightly mean girl’ and ‘the no-bullshit guy’. All of these stereotypes plus the occasional interesting revelation demonstrate that Triangle is trying to be a smart horror film. Nonetheless, it falls flat leaving the narrative explained yet unresolved, which makes the film enjoyable in its technique but not in its story. Helen Harjak

Sunshine (2007) Boyle brought back Cillian Murphy to take the lead in this sci-fi epic, which has been under-appreciated by the film community. Sunshine is by no means the greatest piece of cinema, but it shows merit. It charts the events that occur when a group of space-bound astronauts discover a clandestine killer amongst their crew. Because of its sci-fi genre, Sunshine is ignored by a vast proportion of the cinema going public. However, it is worth watching if you are a fan wishing to delve deeper into the world of Danny Boyle. Slumdog Millionare (2008) Slumdog Millionaire is by far Boyle’s biggest commercial success, winning him the Academy Award for Best Direction. This is the tale of a boy from the city slums of Mumbai winning his way through the Indian version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire in the face of obscurity and poverty. It captured the imaginations of audiences worldwide, and became 2008’s must-see film. Arguably, this is by far the most hyped-up film in the Boyle canon, which in my opinion is undeservedly gained considering the mediocrity of the plot in light of his previous works.

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Tuesday October 20 2009 www.studentnewspaper.org

Review 17

Fucking huge giveaway!

We're giving away 50 pairs of tickets to see an exclusive screening of Jennifer's Body at Cineworld in Fountainbridge on Tuesday 27th October. To enter all you need to do is send an email to editors@studentnewspaper.org with your full name and matriculation number and 'JENNIFER'S BODY' in the subject box. Closing date is midnight on Friday 23rd October and all winners will be notified by email. A sexy horror film with a wicked sense of humour, Jennifer's Body tells the story of a small town high school student Jennifer (Megan Fox), who is possessed by a hungry demon. She transitions from being 'high school evil' – gorgeous (and doesn’t she know it), stuck up and ultra-attitudinal – to the real deal: evil/evil. The glittering beauty becomes a pale and sickly creature hungry for a meaty snack. Guys who never stood a chance with the heartless babe take on new lustre in the light of Jennifer’s insatiable appetite. Meanwhile, Jennifer’s lifelong best friend Needy (Amanda Seyfried), long relegated to living in Jennifer’s shadow, must step up to protect the town’s young men, including her nerdy boyfriend Chip ( Johnny Simmons). Jennifer's Body is written and executive produced by Diablo Cody, who won an Oscar® for her debut screenplay Juno.

Tuesday October 20 2009 studentnewspaper.org

music@studentnewspaper.org

18 Review

Music Fuck buttons Tarot Sport ATP Recordings

 a casual glance Jtellustatanytheir name will newcomer

that Fuck Buttons are probably not the most media friendly band on the planet. In fact, if you type ‘fuck buttons’ into any internet search engine you’ll find… on second thoughts that is probably not the best idea. In all seriousness however, this duo from Bristol, with their unique brand of instrumental electro post-rock, offer something genuinely out of the ordinary. Among identikit indie bands and X-factor contestants, this band stands out about as much as a member of People and Planet who fancies a career with RBS. ‘Tarot Sport’ follows on from Fuck Buttons’ slightly eratic debut from 2008, ‘Street Horrrsing,’ which received widespread critical acclaim including a nomination for the Guardian’s First Album award. A subsequent tour supporting Scottish favourites Mogwai only

elevated their popularity and built their reputation as an up and coming talent. Opening track, ‘Surf Solar’, wonderfully sets the tone for the whole album, and at a giddy 10 minutes 34 seconds, is an epic mash up of drum loops and synths, that build a sense of serene euphoria that is sustained throughout. Following on brilliantly from this is ‘Rough Steez,’ which, with its pulsating base and catchy hook, is the closest the album comes to something resembling a single. The album highlight, however, has to be the beautifully atmospheric ‘Olympians’, which reveals a band at the height of their powers. Towards the end though the album somewhat peters out. ‘Phantom Limb’ is the only truly weak track, and although competent, ‘Space Mountain’ offers nothing new and only drags things out for slightly too long. The album reasserts itself for the final track, however, and rounds off ‘Tarot Sport’ as a consistently excellent, if slightly lengthy, piece of work. On the whole, the Fuck Buttons have produced an album which is far more immediate and consistent than the first offering, without sacrificing the ingenuity which makes them so distinctive. Buster Stonham Flaming lips Earthly Delightd Warner bros

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Lightning bolt Earthly Delightd Load

 s the name of A a genre, “noise rock” was always

going to carry certain negative connotations; despite vocalising displeasure with the label, it is the one which bass and drums duo Lightning Bolt have found themselves most often identified with. In all fairness, the music they play is just the sort that more conservative listeners may simply label “noise”. It is aggressive, repetitive, sometimes to the point of a drone, and tremendously loud. But any implications regarding some sort of lack of quality are cast off rather quickly after a couple spins of the record. These two Rhode Islanders have a habit of doing this sort of thing: this fifth album comes after 2005’s Hypermagic Mountain won their uncompromising sound credibility and universal critical acclaim. They are very difficult to categorise; if any reference point was to be given for the sound on this fifth long player it would be metal, but this is a comparison made only due to the relentless heaviness and pace of

the music. The drums, while chaotic, keep an anchor on the pulverising overdriven riffs. Nowhere is this better demonstrated than on opener “Sound Guardians”, which alternates between wigged-out demonstrations of drum-kit virtuosity and pummelling riffs which give the music at least some element of groove. Throughout, drummer Brian Chippendale’s vocals are largely shouted, garbled and indecipherable; it is not from here that the album’s hooks are gleaned, but from the riffs. Those attached to songs like “Nation of Boar” and “The Sublime Freak” are hammered home so hard that they end up lodged in your head, becoming, if not catchy, then at least very memorable, and prevent the album from becoming the endurance test it could have been. “Funny Farm” comes equipped with typically bludgeoning bass lines but also quasi-country interludes (though these are still impossibly heavy themselves), which demonstrate the groups oft-recorded sense of humour. It must be stated that this album will not be for everyone, but it should still be investigated. The songs here could persuade those who do not usually find appeal in noise to see the beauty that can be spawned from outright heaviness. Michael Russam

he Flaming T Lips are pop music’s current

eccentrics. When Wayne Coyne proclaimed last year that they were working on a double album with a sound ‘something like if John Lennon got together with Miles Davis and they discovered computers’, nobody really expected much less of them. Since their commercial breakthrough in 1999 with The Soft Bulletin, the Flaming Lips have provided a relief to the sometimes overly serious music business with their symphonic songs of psychedelic whimsy and philosophical speculation, and their extravagantly silly live

shows complete with children’s birthday party pyrotechnics. Embryonic, however, marks a departure from that sound which catapulted them into the popular realm, seeing them return to their postpunk roots. Although Embryonic still maintains the Flaming Lips’ core lyrical concerns of mortality and our cosmic insignificance, musically, instead of attempting to transcend the meaningless universe Wayne Coyne is always singing about, it plunges us into its cosmic chaos. Gone are the well crafted songs with their uplifting melodic harmonies to be replaced by distorted guitars jarring over hypnotically repetitive bass lines with fragile vocal refrains like ‘what does it mean?’ Unfortunately, we often find ourselves asking the same about this album. By adopting the double album structure, it is obvious that the Flaming Lips just thought they could dispense with structure altogether, leave the tape

running and jam out a whole album, then intersperse it with some actual songs. This is a method that certainly worked for Miles Davis but apart from moments of frenetic brilliance and harmonious beauty, we are largely left with indulgent instrumentals of weird noises that may have been immeasurably fun to play but only make for laborious listening. Only when the band actually constrain this sound to more conventional songs, like the ominous opener, 'Convinced of the Hex', do they really display the potential of their new sonic direction to encapsulate their favourite themes of life, the universe and everything. Sadly though, it is a potential that is rarely realised on this album, leaving us with an idiosyncratic mess of underdeveloped ideas which are certainly worthy of the title Embryonic. Calum Barnes

Don't go anywhere without your iPod? music@studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday October 20 2009 studentnewspaper.org

Review 19

Live

maccabees Friday 9th October abc

 five minutes before the Clapham Jinglyust quintet are due on stage, the alarmsparse crowd gathered beneath

the largest rotating disco ball in Europe seems to wonder if this is what ‘Sold Out’ looks like. This close to takeoff we expect to see diehards jostling for position, while first-timers on the barrier turn white at the prospect of death-by-indie. Instead an unwelcome apathy fills the room. Nevertheless Maccabees enter right on cue to less-than-euphoric applause, and kick into the darkly sublime ‘No Kind Words’. Far more than the sum of its parts, it is a stunning opener. Yet humility is the order of the day, as a silhouetted Orlando Weeks, backed by a set design so limited even the bass drum is blank, proffers a muffled ‘Thank you for coming’. Most striking visually is the transformation of Hugo White, historically third fiddle behind Weeks and perpetually pro-plus’d brother Felix, from anonymous ASBO caricature to the lovechild girls Wednesday 14th October sneaky pete's

 the all-important gap between Iingsbeing ‘Internet famous’ and be‘Real World famous’ an illusion? Recent evidence suggests not as Girls played the 90 capacity Sneaky Pete’s in Cowgate on Wednesday. The Californian foursome have been receiving almost universal sycophancy from even the most cynical webzines, but outside pixels they have to start from scratch. Any worries that Girls’ sunny California sound would wilt amid Edinburgh cynicism are quickly assuaged by the youth and eagerness of the crowd filling the damp room. Girls provide the perfect soundtrack for sweaty teenagers to sway shyly to; it is sweet but there is something squalid and faintly consumptive about it. Recognising their target audience, the band screw up the set-list and cockily open with their most famous song, ‘Lust For Life’. The name is familiar, it is a teenage anthem, it is all about love and rejection - but it is clichéd to complain about clichés. This might be the most

of Joe Strummer and one of Grease’s T-Birds. He stands centre-stage and delivers the arena tempting riff to ‘Can You Give It’ from the widest of power stances, drawing the evening’s wildest response. The entirety of sophomore LP ‘Wall Of Arms’ is included tonight, which, coupled with the absence of highest ever charting single ‘About Your Dress’, displays an admirable confidence in their newer, more fulfilled sound. The title track flits between not too cutesy rhythmic bopping and a no-holds-barred punch-up between guitars and brass, whilst ‘William Powers’ provides another spotlight moment for Hugo White before tumbling into joyously cathartic chants, echoed by the converted crowd. Many condemned a fledgling Maccabees as a buzz band riding 2007’s London wave; with ‘fun’ songs and ‘cute’ lyrics they were enjoyable yet forgettable. Tonight’s display, rounded off by the fanfare of ‘Love You Better’, shows an improved quality and belief in their music, laid as bare as the stage, that should see them sticking around. Angus Sharpe

infectious song of 2009. It could all get a little cloying - Christopher Owens’ longing vocals, the sugary guitar sound, the fuzzy synths - but earnestness permeates their music. Owens sings less like someone heartbroken than like someone whose heart is in the process of breaking. It is his vocals and lyrics that lift Girls up from the rock and roll wayside. Like Morrissey before him he puts pain to a pop tune, and somehow it works. With the stage at Sneaky Pete’s but a ledge against a wall the band are trapped, unable to leave and fake an encore, and you get the sense the audience has pinned a butterfly up against the sweating back wall; it is fragile and it could be the real thing. A bottle of whisky later, Owens calls it a day. Their set is as fleeting as the youth they eulogize but it is just long enough to fall in love with them. Girls are a band on the brink of something big and you can wait for every sweaty drunk on the street to get a ticket or you can trust the hipsters with laptops and see them now. Catherine Sylvain

Singles cheryl cole Fight for this love

Thursday 15th October



or those punters who attended F tonight’s show after hearing last summer’s ubiquitous sing-a-

long hit ‘5 Years Time’ the whole evening might have been a rather more subdued affair than they had bargained for. In fact, given the primitive lighting and setting of a converted parish church, at times it all began to look strangely akin to the last dance at a year seven village disco. Doug Fink is no longer on drums, but Noah and the Whale’s holy trinity of Charlie Fink, Tom Hobden and Matt Owens remain. Fink flickered intermittently between tracks from the newly released First Days of Spring and the band's ever so slightly cheerier (pre-Laura Marling break-up) debut album. Fink’s introspective new material provided some beautifully tender moments: ‘I Have Nothing’ and the divine title track from the new album could have melted the hardest of Glaswegian hearts. There is apparently something hip about indie front men being shy and monosyllabic creatures, but in being so, Fink failed ever to truly engage the audience. Not even the failsafe crowd-pleasers ‘5 Years Time’ or ‘Give a Little Love’ got the crowd anywhere beyond the realms of mild head bobbing. A rather unkempt looking Matt Owens, a.k.a. ‘Urby Whale’, did his best Kurt Cobain impression as lead guitarist, but the real hero of the night was violinist Tom Hobden, a.k.a ‘T-bone’, whose sumptuous string arrangements, piercing melodies and simmering tension provided the perfect respite to the melancholic baritone of Fink. The infectiously catchy ‘For the Love of an Orchestra’ brought a rare moment of joviality to the proceedings. Hobden, with a flurry of broken bow strings flailing in the air, somehow managed to carry the weight of an orchestra alone and by the end of the night his bow looked every bit as broken as Charlie Fink’s heart. It was at times beautifully cathartic, at others overly sombre and monotonous, and the end came as something of a relief. Thomas Kurland

the chapman family

LITTLE COMETs

Virgins

Adultery

Electric Toaster

noah and the whale Oran Mor

columbia

Fascination



What is the point in this? Cheryl Cole is juggling being in pretty much the best pop girl group in the world and acting as a judge on the biggest T.V. show in Britain. There is really no need to throw in a solo career on top and risk ruining some rather finely balanced popularity. As it happens the song is fairly standard synthy R&B that really should not compete when you have got Beyonce’s ‘Sweet Dreams’ and Shakira’s ‘She Wolf ’ out there. No doubt it will still be a hit just because it is Cheryl, and she gets to sing it on X Factor when everyone is watching. Come to think of it, it is actually a pretty shrewd business move. Eurgh. [Andy Chadwick]

For a few years now, The Chapman Family have been peddling their angry, spiky post-punk songs without gaining much attention outside their native Middlesbrough. Now the music press is starting to prick up its ears for their dark pop tunes they have released this year, and the requisite ‘Big Rock Single.’ It sounds much like fellow north-easterners Maximo Park, which is by no means a bad thing, and the squalling guitars and epic chorus are pleasing. It is just that The Chapman Family have their own, sinister, more interesting identity, one where they sing about murder and rock out properly. Let's hope they learn to focus on this before they’ve taken all the planned record company steps to becoming the next Snow Patrol. [AC]

This is exactly the sort of thing they will play on Radio One between Kanye West and La Roux. I’m sure nobody will notice the Columbia Records logo on the sleeve; it is really small and no-one really knows what “indie” means these days anyway. Yes, maybe you could advertise for Comet. “Adultery” is a threeminute song with a one-word chorus (the word being “adultery”) sonically resembling the voice of the guy from the Wombats, the delivery-style of Kate Nash and the EVERYTHING ELSE of The Futureheads. The guitar line is catchy, the theme is of a semi-taboo nature and such nuances as the almost-progressive intro might, briefly at least, impress even the most discerning of music fans and prise 79p from their iTunes account. The track may later be deleted, but the transaction cannot be reversed. . [Mark Holland]



Tuesday October 20 2009 culture.thestudent@gmail.com

20 Review

CULTURE

Know your roots

NEW WORK SCOTLAND 2009

Collective gallery is 25 this year. Luke Healey puts his party hat on for the life and soul of Edinburgh's grass-roots art scene

NEW 57 begat Fruitmarket, Fruitmarket begat Collective, Collective begat Embassy: the history of Edinburgh’s gallery scene reads like a lessinterminable version of Matthew 1. This particular family tree, however, belies a story of fallouts, schisms and constitutional u-turns that should make Edinburgh relevant in any global survey of how contemporary art galleries have gone about their business over the last 50 years. As a practising artist and director of Cockburn Street’s Collective Gallery, Kate Gray recognises the importance of her organisation within a worldwide framework: “Galleries like Collective offer something special, as they bridge the gap between artists who are just emerging and those who are more established.” Since the early ‘80s this has been principal agenda of the Old Town establishment, differentiating it from its competitors. It was in reaction to the kind of practice that had attached itself to the Fruitmarket, now arguably Edinburgh’s most celebrated contemporary art space, that Collective was established in the first place. After New 57 gallery, Edinburgh’s first “artist-run” space, lost its headquarters in 1974, the artists who had developed their practice around 105 Rose Street joined forces with the Printmakers’ Workshop and the Scottish Arts Council (SAC) to open a new gallery in a historic fruit and vegetable market, which had recently been threatened with demolition. Grassroots was still very much on the agenda in this embryonic Fruitmarket gallery. Ten years later, the SAC made the decision to “formalise the structure of the Fruitmarket venue,” appointing a board of directors to lay out its exhibition programme and building up the sort of institutional structure, privileging already-established talents, that the gallery maintains to this day. The New 57 diehards were unwilling to work with this formula, and so Collective was born in August, 1984. Initially, the gallery picked up where New 57 had left off: “Everyone involved in the gallery was an artist and if you were a member you could apply to have an exhibition,” explains Gray. Eventually pressure from the Scottish Arts Council meant that Collective itself had to “professionalise,” hiring a director and narrowing the openness of their submissions process, but the

Michael White Mask 2009, Mixed media. White is one of the featured artists in this year's New Work Scotland programme gallery was still firmly predicated on the idea of working from artists upwards, in opposition to larger institutions. Gray explains that this legacy survives today: “We’re still led by the needs of artists and their practices. The whole idea of

“

At the show I filled shoes & handbags with concrete from a concrete mixer. Concrete dust, pain & sperm. I have not been back to Scotland." the organisation is to support artists; we have never moved away from that. There are many artists on the board and we still run open submissions occasionally.” What advantages does this kind of artist-based practice have, I wonder? The director's answer takes us back to that oedipal conflict of the mid-'80s: “We take a lot more risks than the Fruitmarket can. We like to bring lesser and better known names together in the same show, to offer them a level platform.” Leafing through Collective 19842005, a publication printed to mark this

year’s anniversary, the remarkable extent to which Gray and her predecessors have managed to carry out this nearutopian project becomes vividly clear. Claire Barclay featured in Collective’s roster more than a decade before the Fruitmarket’s recent display of her work. The young artists included in this year’s New Work Scotland Programme share a space that has hosted a veritable A-list of the national and international art scene: Collective has featured the Chapman Brothers, Wolfgang Tillmans, and Vito Acconci, as well as a string of Turner Prize winners and nominees: Jeremy Deller, Gillian Wearing, Grayson Perry, Mike Nelson. Most but not all have had positive experiences. Patrick Brill, known by his pseudonym Bob and Roberta Smith, writes of his latest exhibition at Collective, “At the show I filled shoes and handbags with concrete from a concrete mixer…I did not realise how much back-breaking work my project would need…Showing at the same time was a woman who filled art spaces with the smell of human sperm…Concrete dust, pain and sperm. I have not been back to Scotland.” The risks that Collective has taken over the years are evident. Just last summer, the gallery undertook an ambitious project to create a new “Golden Record,” the recording launched by

NASA in 1977 to portray humankind for extra-terrestrial audiences. The project culminated in a stand-up comedy event at Pleasance Queen Dome, in which a string of Fringe favourites including Josie Long, Stewart Lee, Simon Munnery and Pappy’s Fun Club put forward candidates for a new representative for the human race. More down-to-earth was Gray’s flagship “One Mile,” a three-yearlong collaborative project involving groups and individuals drawn from within a one-mile radius of Collective’s exhibition space. For one piece, performance artist David Sherry worked in collaboration with the group “Move On,” described as “a peer education project for people between 18 and 28 who have experience of homelessness, care homes or housing problems.” I ask the director about the significance of Collective’s community outreach programmes. “I’m not alone in thinking that opening out to local communities is an essential part of current art practice,” she answers. “I’m glad we can play a role in making this happen.” It’s in this role – as a maker of situations – that Collective really excels. Over the years it has learned to use its real estate less as a display space and more as – what? A laboratory? “It’s a meeting place. We try and host meetings where ideas and audiences and artists can interact,” observes Gray. “I see us as having an active role in producing work - we offer artists an opportunity to develop their work without restricting them to one particular media, like a printmakers’ studio might.” She then pulls out an impressive statistic: “Around 80 percent of the work we show is produced in collaboration with the gallery.” And it’s not just new work that is created. Collective recently spawned a whole new venue: Embassy, the brainchild of gallery protégée Jenny Hogarth. It’s clear that in spite of the enforced changes to its artist-run agenda, Collective has not totally surrendered its principles. 22-28 Cockburn Street is so much more than a white cube: it is an ever-giving resource for the emerging artist, a thriving social organism, and a petri dish for radical proposals and fresh ideas. It truly belongs to a species of galleries that are, as Gray puts it, “pivotal to the international arts ecology.”

UNTIL 11 NOVEMBER COLLECTIVE

 “Contemporary artist” is not a career choice for the light-hearted. For those not adept at schmoozing with Russian oligarchs, it can be extremely difficult to get a foot in the door. This is why it is so encouraging to see a gallery of Collective's calibre dedicating a show to the works of recently graduated art students. The most interesting work to be seen here isn’t actually housed by the gallery, but is hung as an off-site installation in Craig’s Close; one of those narrow, cobbled, delicately urine-scented alleys you find dotted around Edinburgh. Despite looking suspiciously like the abode of rapists, it's worth braving an excursion down here to see Jennifer Grant’s work. She has worked an eclectic assortment of glass vases, candlesticks, and porcelain jugs into a junk-shop assemblage neatly threaded together onto a string and hung up from the lofty buildings. The overall effect of innocent, playful splashes of colour against dirty brick walls is wholly charming. The on-site works are less consistent. Michael White’s mixed-media sculptures are intriguingly beautiful with their contrast of shiny plastic forms and crumbling plaster formations. Elsewhere, small, crudely painted canvases of soldiers, dead horses and stormy skies are hung simplistically in a largely bare room. These look potentially intriguing, but on closer inspection bear more affinities with GCSE artwork than anything else. Artists Rachel McLean and Simon Gowing are also featured, who on 22 October will unveil a collaborative performance piece. This, no doubt, will be excellent: McLean was one of the absolute stand-out degree show names last year. For the moment, the gallery displays their artistic dialogue so far: hundreds of pages of their e-mailed correspondence, are neatly stapled together and fasted to the wall with ring binder clips. All in all, it looks marginally less exciting than the contents of the average accountant’s filing cabinet. If you find yourself with five or six hours to spare one day, by all means go and have a read. Despite a slight mix of standards, however, it's still heartening to see these burgeoning young artists enter the professional world, and certainly worth a visit.

What now? Anna Feintuck examines the present and the future of Auld Reekie's independent galleries WHO NEEDS a real gallery anyway? From a hallway to a bit of spare space in an office, Edinburgh’s independent art scene is growing in exciting directions. On the back of such successes as Collective, new organisations are attracting deserved attention with innovative projects and quirky locations. “We just wanted to give new artists a chance to show their work. It’s a very hard industry to break into, and if we can help at all, that’s great,” says Craig Cross, cofounder of the independent and not-forprofit organisation Artspace2let, which showcases the work of four new artists each month. The twist is that these exhibitions are held in the hallway of Cross’s Marchmont flat: why pay for premises when the high, white-washed walls are perfect for displaying art? “The artists

can do what they want with the space they are given, as long as it doesn’t involve drills! Although my walls are pretty pockmarked now....” Architect Oliver Chapman also decided to give his existing premises a fresh lease on life by displaying art in the window of his practice, and Schop Gallery was born. “Obviously art overlaps with architecture. We know a lot of artists who take architecture seriously in their work, so we started running a programme of four exhibitions a year in our room, but it’s growing.” Small spaces do not prove a problem for the purpose of showcasing new artists, as Cross explains: “New artists don’t need a lot of space because of just that - they are new, they often don’t have that much to exhibit.” Being independent and not-for-profit

allows galleries freedom from the pressure of selling pieces, and to display work that may not find an outlet otherwise. Michael Bowdidge of Total Kunst gallery

“

The artists can do what they want with the space they are given, as long as it doesn't involve drills!" appreciates this: “To some extent we can put on what we like... There is a certain ad hoc spirit to what we do. We don’t set out to reach a particular audience or demographic.” Similarly, Artspace2let describes its practice as “organised spon-

taneity.” This attitude, shared by many small galleries, may result in plenty of new and exciting exhibitions, but funding does remain a major problem. “We can’t carry on as volunteers,” says Jenny Carr, chairperson of the volunteer-run Scotland-Russia Institute. “We have more and more visitors to every event. It feels like we are snowballing and we will need to employ people... But any funding we did receive would have to be on the basis of no interference. We want to retain our independence.” Many of the independent galleries forge links throughout Edinburgh: Artspace2let has had exhibitions in cafes and the Scotland-Russia Institute is currently working on an exhibition with the National Portrait Gallery.

Bowdidge believes that Total Kunst’s work doesn’t have to be exclusive to Edinburgh and would like to make connections further afield. “The fragmentation of the Edinburgh art scene has been ongoing for a number of years now... we’re just interested in forging links full stop,” he says. Consistent throughout all these galleries is a genuine desire to promote and further new art by allowing opportunities to artists that may be turned away elsewhere, as well as to exhibit work in fresh and exciting ways. Whether it flowers into Russian photography or textiles pinned up in a Marchmont flat, this grass-roots scene is undoubtedly fertile. The next Artspace2let event takes place between the 25th and 26th of October at 28 Spotiswoode Street.

culture.thestudent@gmail.com

Tuesday October 20 2009 studentnewspaper.org

Review 21 Star Rating  Excellent

Very good

 Good

 OK

Terrible

an inspector calls

scottish ballet: Autumn 2009 run ended

14-15 October

Festival theatre

bedlam theatre



A whirl of bejewelled corsetry and toned legs began the Scottish Ballet’s 40th anniversary season. This was Rubies, the 1967 transformation of classical ballet into a Broadway-esque spectacle, choreographed by George Balanchine and brought to life by Igor Stravinsky’s adventurous, jazz-tinged score. The renowned raw yet sensual edge of Rubies has not been lost 40 years later, as the dancers' presence alone was enough to create friction on the brightly lit, but otherwise bare stage. Despite the dazzling lustre of Rubies, the second performance of William Forsythe’s Workwithinwork was without a doubt completely and utterly breathtaking. The mesmerising performance could have been three times as long and would still have left the audience hypnotised by its disjointed harmony and violin accompaniment, which switched seamlessly between heightened passion and soulful melancholy. Without a principal dancer, the cast wove on and off the darkened stage, each dancer performing his or her own story but managing to avoid tediously ordered solos. Fast and rigid modern dance mingled with classical ballet, and the ever-changing principal dancers performed as if tied to the irregular, poignant whisper of the violins. There was an absence of any set, other than the one created by the

Set in the aorta of Edwardian England, J.B.Priestley’s moral tale of mores is still pertinent 60 years after its entrance into the canon of great English drama. Under the competent direction of Inga Rudzitis, and with plush props recalling the bygone era when the Titanic was declared “unsinkable,” one becomes the fourth wall of the Birling family drawing room. Celebrations for the engagement of Sheila (Leonie Sheridan) to Gerald Croft, played with enunciated energy by David Elms, are interrupted by the sombre spectre of Inspector Goole. Alastair Sim and Sir Ralph Richardson have both taken on this role and it is to Paddy Douglas’ credit that he can be spoken of in the same breath. Douglas' golden hair and nondescript suit, coupled with the stare he gives each character without a glance at the audience, have an astonishing effect as he pushes and probes at the guilty consciences of all concerned over the suicide of a young girl. As the script demands, Douglas’ Inspector is "massive, solid and purposeful" in doing his "duty."

atmospheric lighting and the dancers themselves, who, when not dancing, stood artistically inanimate in formation watching the performance, or appearing as ghostly spectres in the shadows at the back of the stage. Unlike Rubies, the costumes in Workwithinwork were barely visible, allowing the audience to focus entirely on the flawless movements of the body. It would not be exaggerrating to say that near perfection was achieved.

The third part of the performance was Krzysztof Pastor’s In Light and Shadow, accompanied by solo pianist Brian Prentice. The jovial music of Bach’s Goldberg Variations and Suite No3 in D added irony to a pleasant combination of modern twists and seamless, delicate lifts between principal dancers Sophie Martin and Adam Blyde, enchanced by the large cast of dancers that poured across the stage in a tapestry of colour.

The performance became more interesting when, towards the end, darkness consumed the stage from the waist up, leaving only a flurry of white, dancing legs suspended in space. It was a beautiful and well-executed twist that finished the evening in style. For the most part, a triumphant showcase of modern ballet.

Summer Crombie

With dancing in mind

Jenni Smout discusses Bounce's hip hop treatment of Ken Kesey's iconic novel with dancer Jennie Widegren

Despite the recent success of Dizzee Rascal’s single "Bonkers," hip hop and psychiatric care don’t seem to be the most likely combination for artistic success. However, Bounce Streetdance Company's Jennie Widegren explains why Insane in the Brain - the company's interpretation of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest – has been so popular. "We knew we wanted to do a remake of an already very well known story," says dancer Widegren. Cuckoo’s Nest was chosen above stories which have already had dance makeovers, such as Romeo and Juliet or the Jungle Book, precisely for the challenges it offered the company. "Street dance is perfect for expressing frustration, anger and abuse contained within the story," Widegren enthuses.

"It has a great and very direct energy that is easy for the audience to relate to McMurphy’s rebellious attitude, both towards the institution and towards Nurse Ratched." Despite initial scepticism as to whether hip hop is a suitable medium to portray the subtleties of mental illness, Bounce has managed to combine dance with film and speech for a well-rounded production. Yet the dance remains the most impressive feature of the show; bungee jumping breakdancers provide a definite wow factor, while the company shows sensitivity towards issues the plot inevitably brings up. Widegren’s favourite part of the show is centred on the character Mr. Harding and his struggle with obsessive-compulsive disorder. "I love the bed scene where Mr. Harding can´t go to bed. There is a dark room with four beds and four lamps hanging over them with four dancers jumping, turning, lying and flying in and out of the beds." Their approach seems to be successful, with the Guardian proclaiming the company made the novel "seem designed for a hip-hop makeover." However, Bounce refuses to limit itself to a purely street dance style. The company was founded in 1997 in Sweden as a predominantly street dance organisation, but its style is infused with tap, jazz, lindy hop, and African influences. Widegren herself trained in Stockholm’s famous Balettakademien and fell in love with street dance in 1995. "I am glad to have that training and knowledge,"she remarks."It gives you more freedom to either stay genuine to a style or fuse two styles

and create something new. I love all kinds of dance; I don´t call myself a street dancer, I am a dancer!" Her dance experience ranges far beyond her work with Bounce. Not only has she choreographed for popular Scandinavian versions of "So You Think You Can Dance?", Widegren has also been on tour with The Black Eyed Peas. Yet she seems to prefer working with a company: "When you are working with a band or an artist you´re the backing dancer, they use dance to fill up the stage, create more energy and use you when they change clothes. I think dance is so much more than that." Bounce’s work is definitely about more than filling the stage. Despite being around for 12 years they are still enjoying success with fresh and

innovative productions. Insane in the Brain has been touring since 2006 and has been seen by more than 100,000 people, yet doesn’t feel tired. "It is a new audience every night," Widegren explains. "They haven´t seen it and that keeps you motivated night after night." Widegren notes that the production is always evolving: "The ideas and material have just kept getting better. We still rehearse the numbers and keep adding things that make the story clearer and characters stronger. You keep working on your character and it´s fun to develop and find new ways of moving." Insane in the Brain runs from 24 - 26 October at the Festival Theatre.

“

Alastair Sim and Sir Ralph Richardson have both previously taken on the role of Inspector Goole, and it is to Paddy Douglas’ credit that he can be spoken of in the same breath While I look forward to Douglas’ Hamlet in years to come, there is a future Gertrude playing Sybil Birling. As the assured matriarch who suffers stoically as wife, mother and futuremother-in-law, Alexandra Wetherell puts in a wondrous performance. Mrs. Birling doth protest too much at her invisible innocence while husband Arthur – Stephen Graham, who spoils his consistent Brum accent by stumbling over some lines – frets over the scandal, his family piety at odds with his refusal to give the tragic girl half-a-crown’s wage rise. The two parents stand at odds with their children, the generation chasm deepening as the play rushes towards its cathartic confusion. Though Sheridan as Sheila could do with dampening her hysteria a touch, she nonetheless gives a solid performance as a rebellious girl in the early 20th century. Permanently squiffy brother Eric Birling (Neville Galvin, inspired by Alec Guiness’ original) is brilliant and provides a deadpan sanity while all about him go mad. Played excellently despite the odd hiccup in delivery, there is potential in every actor onstage, and all do justice to an intelligent, intelligible play whose message – “we are all responsible for each other” – stands even in this post-Communist world.

Jonny Brick

Tuesday October 20 2009 studentnewspaper.org

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22 Lifestyle

It's a jungle down there The Student braves a selection of the city's bikini waxing parlours - so you don't have to. PAIN RATING 2/5 BASIC WAX £14

he rumours are true. There

are some places in the world

where you can have your pubic hair

removed and replaced with diamantes. Welcome to the Tiffany Bikini

Wax. I would love to say that I had gone into the salon and asked that

extravagance. Regular bikini wax it was.

As a waxing regular, I frequent

the same salon so often that when I

f there ever were a true test to

separate boys from men, the

Not to be taken lightly, this is

a shot.

At £14, my wax was a little more

Edinburgh, but well worth it. The

and we had a right laugh chatting,

comfortably thorough. I felt like the

quick and clearly experienced.

Best bit? 30% discount with a

All things considered, I should have

Stevie Wise

course lots of privacy.

mediate level of coping with waxing

I opted to pay first not know-

in (if I survived), and was told to

get 15% off an already ridiculously cheap £10.

I was led into the back quarters

plenty of these a day and that I was

relatively nice place: feminine and

line. At Lulu my beautician was

frequently and would therefore

too shady or dingy going on, and of

here is what I can reveal of my

As far as locations go, this is a

wax onto everything but my bikini

stylishly decorated with nothing

of the salon by a friendly beauti-

experiences…

a Calippo ice-lolly packet to splodge

man out of ‘Supersize Me’ when she

test bunnies for Lifestyle and was sent to Ishi Salon in Marchmont,

the beautician used what looked like

just gone for that Tiffany.

my absolute delight that students

I had the joy of being one of the

past. A great example was the time

earlier. Also, she was almost un-

me “a little wedgie” just seconds

through and involves the stripping your nether regions.

of the terrible waxes I’ve had in the

Snapfax meant that I saved a packet.

ing what state I would come out

away of pretty much all the hairs of

way round?” Can’t say no to that! Es-

despite the fact that she had given

close to the most painful non-

surgical procedure anyone could go

cian, who reassured me that she did in good hands.

I personally get the far less

consider myself to be at the interpain. However, as I lay down and

took the anticipatory deep breath in, bracing for the shockwave of

almighty pain, I was surprised by how little it actually hurt.

To be honest, the worst part was

being smeared in searing hot wax whereas the ripping of the strips

was equivalent to getting in a bath

that’s too hot; it hurts for now, but you will get over it.

Wanja Ochwada

invasive bikini wax relevantly

side from an abortive DIY

when I am lying on one of Zen’s plush

model of professionalism throughout

after blood started coming out of my pores, I have never had a bikini wax.

paper pants up my fanny (incidentally, the pants are superfluous. Like when

with me and our mortified photog-

attempt which ended abruptly

The prospect of a Hollywood wax

then, terrifies me and from what I’ve heard, involves lying in a number of weirdly sexual positions while

someone you’ve never met plucks you

treatment beds cleaving a pair of pink

you get a smear and they put a square of toilet paper over your pubes to ‘protect your modesty’, even though they can see right up the ole birthing canal).

My lateness means that the thera-

like a chicken.

pist is unable to do the full Hollywood.

my appointment, I cringe when I

being left with a tiny rectangle of hair

As I rush in ten minutes late for

2-3 Teviot Place Old Town zen-lifestyle.com 0131 226 6777

offers a Tiffany wax is clearly worth

beautician was friendly and sweet,

Brazilian wax would be it.

PAIN RATING 2/5 HOLLYWOOD £42

pecially not when considering some

from the outside, and anywhere that

on quotation from £40 and having to save money this seemed like an

4 Roseneath St Marchmont ishisalon.co.uk 0131 229 4111

try somewhere new. Lulu looks nice

love?” I was excited to splash out and

expensive than other places in

cut vegetables out of my diet in order

PAIN RATING 3/5 BASIC WAX £10

asked, “do you want me to go all the

my boyfriend’s initials be glued onto my vagina, but prices are available

1-1a Leven St Tollcross lulubeautyspa.co.uk 0131 221 1900

walk in the beautician asks, “usual,

notice that the top buttons of my dress have come undone and are

exposing my bra. This embarrassment will seem absurd in ten minutes time

Technical terms aside, this translates as on my pubis. It’s the fanny equivalent of a soul patch (completely pointless, looks ridiculous).

Nonetheless, the therapist is the

(admirable, given she had to deal

rapher giggling like children) and the procedure is nowhere near as painful

as I expected. Although Zen are fairly pricey, they use hot wax (as opposed to strip wax or warm wax) which is

less painful and gives better-looking

results. On top of that, they’ve recently bumped up their student discounts to

15% and were named as one of the top

six waxing venues in the UK. All in all, well worth the price.

Fern Brady

Addicted to the box? Email tv.studentnewspaper@googlemail.com

Tuesday 20 October 2009 studentnewspaper.org

Review 23

Set phasers to fun

HAVE I GOT VIEWS FOR YOU

Thomas Hasler ventures forth into a new Stargate spin-off ATTRACTING AS many as 17 million viewers worldwide, Stargate SG-1 was a sci-fi powerhouse in the late '90s up until its cancellation in 2007. Perhaps the show owed its success to that mindless escapism that never fails to put a warm smile on your face, although the big-budget special effects didn’t hurt either. But after 200 episodes, it’s hard to stay interested. In an effort to reinvigorate the franchise, the writers have scrapped SG-1 as well as its spin-off Atlantis in exchange for a new, edgier setup. Stargate Universe seems to promise everything, taking the adventure-laden Stargate formula and infusing it with the sort of wide-reaching, character-driven narratives that have made the series' nemesis in the genre, Battlestar Galactica, such a popular and critically acclaimed show. Given the contrasting nature of the two shows, it’s hard to imagine how it works until you actually see it. The results are actually pretty impressive. After being forced to evacuate through a jacked-up Stargate, a group of soldiers and scientists find themselves stranded on board a failing ancient ship located billions of light-years from Earth. The threepart opening episode "Air," which lasts three hours altogether and has surely broken the record for longest TV premiere, gives a good indication of what we can expect from the show while gradually setting up the premise through a series of flashbacks. The characters of Universe mark the biggest change from its predecessor. Dr. Rush, a long-haired Machiavellian scientist, is particularly engaging, thanks to the incredible talent of Trainspotting star Robert Carlyle. Rush is the only scientist

SPACE JUMP: To boldly go where many TV shows have gone before who knows how to survive on the ship, but his hidden agenda brings him into constant conflict with the military personnel, who are desperate to get him under their control. Other characters include a sarcastic chubby computer nerd, an intimidating marine with a violent attitude, and a hot senator’s daughter (the daughter's the one who's hot, not the senator). Although the line-up may seem fairly clichéd the dialogue certainly isn’t, and it's brought to life by a great cast who keep the characters believable and interesting enough to warrant further viewing. The exploration element of the

show seems to have taken a hit, though. The third hour sees a team stepping though the Gate arriving on a desert planet looking for calcium carbonate to fix the ship's air supply. How exciting. Watching beakers swirl and men in white coats tut in annoyance doesn’t make for the same kind of television that shooting aliens does. To spice things up a bit, Lieutenant Scott, a soldier recruited straight out of the cast of Step Up 2: The Streets, begins to see visions of the priest who raised him. But the real star of the show is still Carlyle as Rush, who remains eminently watchable, especially when butt-

It was the worst of times Debbie Hicks bids a fond farewell to the costume drama

IT’S CAUSED sulks in the rental shop, hysteria in the living room and fisticuffs over the remote but in January this year, after 15 glorious years, the BBC Drama department heralded the demise of the conventional costume drama. Adaptations, it was decreed, would become a strictly lace-free domain; the modern novel was to have its day. This was a very serious business for those

amongst us who get animated about muslin and men with extravagant sideburns. Being deprived of some tantalising romance in a tailcoat is unthinkable; we covet that hour a week when we can dream ourselves into bustles, top hats, smelling salts and referring to yourself as "one." Or at least we did, until the Beeb bashed the last nail in the genre’s coffin with its latest and rather suspect offering,

Emma. It all started back in the mid'90s with that version of Pride and Prejudice which very quickly established the BBC as the masters of literary adaptation. Colin Firth’s Mr. Darcy and Jennifer Ehle’s Elizabeth Bennett were crystallised internationally as the romantic, quintessentially English duo overcoming the dictates of contemporary society. A string of Austen successes immediately followed, including Sense and Sensibility, Emma and Mansfield Park, all of which threaten to haunt GCSE school rooms until doomsday, simply because they are so well produced. The BBC costume drama doesn’t simply resort to melodrama to entertain (like the current favourite Lark Rise to Candleford) but self-consciously engages with social issues relevant to the modern consumer. After the Austen collection came Dickens, with Bleak House and Little Dorrit, and then more recently Gaskell’s North and South and Cranford, whose discussion of new industry and financial ruin complements our current preoccupa-

ing heads with Greer, the meathead marine, as they become delirious and succumb to the heat. Based on what’s been shown, I can see a lot of potential in Universe. However, the writers are going to have to think of some more interesting scenarios through the Gate to keep up the momentum, especially given the potential of the characters. Stargate: Universe is currently being broadcast in America on the SyFy channel. It will be broadcast in the UK on Sky1 at a later date. Although there is this thing called the internet...

tion with environmental awareness and economic difficulties. Why then, have the BBC gone full circle with this return to Austen? The new series of Emma, an already well-beaten horse of the costume drama cupboard, is seemingly the last gasp of 19th century literary adaptations and you can’t help but feeling, well, a bit relieved. It’s not that the acting is bad – Michael Gambon is in his element - or that it’s any less aesthetically invigorating (while being historically accurate, which is always a concern for any pedants amongst us); it’s just plain mediocre. Emma Wodehouse is insufferable. Harriet Smith is simple. But we appreciated this when they adapted it the first time round. When a project has quite so much time and money in it you expect something a little more pioneering, but instead one left with the distinct impression that it’s time to hang up one's breeches and bonnets for good. Emma is broadcast on BBC One on Sundays at 21:00

LET ME make one thing perfectly clear from the outset: I am not from this country. I am not familiar with your television personalities or your local politicians. And until I matriculated at the University of Edinburgh, the entirety of my knowledge of your culture and institutions was drawn from '70s rock & roll music and Have I Got News for You (hereafter referred to as "HIGNFY" or "it"). Now, let me run through a little list of uninformed conclusions I have drawn about your country from the aforementioned sources: * You are not Americans * ...yet. * You are either posh (Ian Hislop) or working class (Paul Merton) – there is no in-between * You have contempt for your ruling class but are too apathetic to regularly go on strike about it (I lived in France before coming here) * You occasionally discuss the diplomatic implications of cricket * You’re charmingly xenophobic * You are borderline libellous * You are all awesome and have long hair (that one came from rock & roll music) * Your conversations are liberally edited with a cleaver and a chainsaw * You are a nation of loveable cynics Every single one of these preconceptions save the one about the hair was proven right by my residence here. And you have HIGNFY to thank for that. Friday night marked the beginning of a new series with an updated animated montage featuring the exciting and topical issues of ID cards, a man paying for groceries with a sackful of dollars, Russian pipelines, urbanisation in China and a slightly simian portrayal of Barack Obama throwing a basketball into a hoop from his seat in the Oval Office. It had Martin Clunes, Charlie Brooker and some choreographer from one of your other television programmes involving dancing. It was very funny and surprisingly fresh. All I can say is: keep it. It’s important. Have it shown at Arrivals in Heathrow. It expresses Britishness better than anything Gordon Brown or David Cameron can come up with. It is to Mock the Week what Germany is to Liechtenstein – the bigger, better original. Heck, I don’t even like it all that much. It’s formulaic and a bit silly. But it’s irreverent, abrasive and occasionally very clever. And to be honest, that ranks it among the better things your country, and therefore the human race, have accomplished in the past 20 years. David Leon

Tuesday October 20 2009 studentnewspaper.org

24 Review

TECHNOLOGY TECH A LOAD OFF How to lose friends and alienate people Katie Cunningham explores the esoteric side of social networking ocial networking sites are growing S in size and number. Understanding why is easy: they are infectious,

HERE AT Tech it is somewhat ironic that amidst all the game reviews and articles on whether Facebook is more annoying than Twitter or vice versa, we only occasionally manage to get our keyboard-strained fingers around some genuine gadgetry. While the tide may not exactly have turned, we do have a few ripples of quirky technology lapping at our feet this week. These are in the form of a pillow and an inflatable gaming chair courtesy of www. soundasleeppillow.co.uk. Now I don't know about you, but I wouldn't exactly call pillows revolutionary technology. They have been around for quite a while - since they replaced moss-covered rocks in (insert large number here) BC in fact. Obviously though the Sound Asleep Pillow is more than a soft clod of fabric to put your head on. The secret of the Sound Asleep Pillow is...wait for it, wait. for. it... it has a speaker inside. Brilliant! The concept behind the Sound Asleep pillow is that it allows you to connect your MP3 player to it and listen to music in bed without annoying your partner/Pollock cupboardmate while not having to endure the discomfort of wearing headphones, to which my immediate response was, "How exactly is a pillow with a speaker inside it going to be more comfortable than wearing headphones?" Sound Asleep has not just chucked a sub-woofer in a sack though. In fact, it is impossible to tell the location of the speaker simply by squeezing the pillow, without compromising hugely on sound, although you obviously won't get certain headphone effects such as panning. Furthermore, if you are a metalhead, chances are you're still going to keep your other half awake, but if you consider the songs of System of a Down to be gentle lullabies then there is something seriously wrong with you. I was a little less impressed with the inflatable gaming chair. The idea is that you sit down on the chair, plug your games console into it and sound from the game is emitted from two speakers at shoulder height. Admittedly it is pretty damn comfortable and sturdy enough so you do not feel too wary about it exploding under your backside. On the other hand, the in-built speakers produce very tinny sound. Additionally, the sound cable was only just long enough for me to connect it to a netbook on my lap, so unless you play games with your X360 on your knees it is not much use. Whilst I find the chair difficult to recommend, if you've got some rowdy neighbours or just cannot sleep without some dulcet-toned teenager crooning in your ear, then the pillow is definitely worth a look. Richard Lane

offering ease of communication with large groups of friends, and in doing so virally market themselves to potential members. Furthermore they are entertaining. Anybody who has so much as glanced at Facebook or Bebo will testify to the hideously addictive nature of the myriad of mini games and the grammatically nightmarish quizzes. The social networking scene has become so huge (with 300 million users on Facebook alone) that new websites dedicated to more specific social groups are sprouting up all over the internet. Some are simply eccentric. Others are downright disturbing. Amongst the former are sites such as ZiiTrend, which helps users tell the future, but not with crystal balls; this is prophecy for the 21st century. Members use statistics to make predictions: World War III will break out before January, man will set foot on Mars next Tuesday, Barack Obama will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize within a year of his inauguration, that sort of thing. If a prediction turns out to be correct then the user’s score goes up and their influence increases. While the emphasis is on fortune telling, there are also forums for discussion and there is nothing stopping anyone from making friends with like-minded psychics. Conversely, Rivals4Ever puts the emphasis on making enemies. Here members create or join rivalries and debate a particular topic. The most popular rivalry is Coke versus Pepsi, the second (and most absurd for

HELLO BOYS: Nothing's sexier than a poorly designed webpage

very obvious reasons) is Hitler versus Churchill. It is pointless, harmless entertainment. Lifeat is a slightly more concerning affair, advertising itself as a "modern twist on the bulletin board". Here members talk to other people living in the same building. Lifeat claims that it creates a sense of community and admittedly it is quite useful. There is local news, forums, an online marketplace, and adverts. On the other hand, the fact that neighbours are using social-networking sites to communicate rather than simply opening their front door is more than a little unnerving. Along with talking to people

you know, there is a chance you’ll make completely new friends. That’s where chat sites like Omegle fit in. Once signed into Omegle you are immediately linked to a fellow chatter completely at random. Omegle highlights one of the more attractive features of the internet: anonymity. Unless you choose to disclose your identity, you can be whoever you please. However, as anyone who has ever been on the internet can probably guess, random-chat sites can be twisted into something much darker. Potentially dangerous some forms of social networking may be, but dodgy conversations on Omegle can

be clicked safely into oblivion and unless you’re daft enough to give out your name, address and the location of your spare key, such situations are unlikely to impact on real life. On the other hand, some social networking sites leave users with marks that do not fade so easily. MyFreeImplants is such a site, doing exactly what it says in the address bar. Girls sign up for a pair of free breast implants, and guys sign up to sponsor them. Guys send messages, and girls reply. Once the surgery is complete the freshly augmented females ‘reward’ their sponsors with photographs. The site itself is horrifying, juxtaposing promiscuously posed women with bold, lighthearted colours and persuasive language. This example is extreme, but not alone. Websites encouraging anorexia, collectively called Pro-Ana, are scattered across the internet. Put simply, people with eating disorders share hints on how to starve themselves. Need I say more? In truth these more worrying sites are relatively few in number, and it is not as if you could accidentally join MyFreeImplants. Still, since virtually anything on the internet is accessible to anyone, it is worth remembering that there will inevitably be a minority who will drive the social networking juggernaut well beyond the realms of taste. Bebo with care. www.ziitrend.com www.rivals4ever.com www.lifeat.com www.omegle.com www.myfreeimplants.com

Cut the red wire? But they're all red wires!

Alison O'Neil shows that electrical engineering students are anything but dull ver wanted to know more about E electrical engineering? Or are you maybe thrilled with excitement

at the thought of that sexy electrical engineering student who lives down the corridor working in the lab in his safety goggles, steaming soldering iron in hand? No? Well, resistance is futile my friend. Read on for my induction into the sexy degree of electrical engineering and I will increase your current limited capacity to appreciate this under-valued speciality. And if you did not spot the four electrical puns in this paragraph then that just proves my point. So I am an engineer. I will dispel the first myth right now. We do not build bridges. In fact if you ever come across a bridge designed by an electrical engineer, I advise you to get your trunks on and start swimming. Electrical engineers are behind the internet, mobile phones, TV, radio, your electrical mains supply and the appliances that you run from it. Basically we are responsible for all the inventions that make modern life so convenient. The physicist Freeman Dyson said: "A good scientist is a person with original ideas. A good engineer is a person who makes a design that works with as few original ideas as possible." Personally I would go further and

say that it is probably best to use as few ideas as possible, full stop. Not that things going tits up is necessarily a problem. Cock-ups provide the biggest excitements of our day. Blowing up circuit components - or even better - blowing up power generating equipment were the highlights of the labs last year. The reason we think a smoking capacitor is the greatest entertainment of the week is because most of the theory we learn is pretty difficult to visualise. Electrons are elusive creatures,

meaning that electrical engineering students have to be intelligent and imaginative. If you want to understand the science behind your TV, you are not going to be able to see for yourself with a feather, a guinea and a big tower. In fact, we do not even stick with ordinary numbers in our calculations; we use imaginary numbers too. Statistics are key to designing the manufacturing processes, logic to programming our designs, calculus to modelling the electrical stuff and algebra to doing the calculations.

At the end of the day, an electrical engineer must always keep in mind Rule Number One of their handbook: Make a profit (or else). This can lead us to make some pretty drastic political and environmental decisions. For instance, in third year we competed in groups for the (theoretical) contract to design the power system for Sri Lanka. This is a country which is "one of the most politically unstable countries in the world" according to the Global Peace Index. In spite of this information, all of the final designs contained at least one nuclear power station as a key component. Initiating World War III was simply necessary to our chance of winning the contract. I may have claimed the adjective 'sexy' somewhere near the start of this article. And I think I’ve laid the case out pretty well so far. After all, intelligence is sexy, imagination is sexy, blowing things up definitely has a James Bond touch to it. So we’re winning on personality and heroics. I should probably best not make any rash claims as to looks. That would be big-headed. So if you should stumble across an engineer at a dinner party (which you may well do as they will probably be fiddling with the television), get them to specify which type. If it is electrical,

THURSDAY NIGHTS

shuffle maSH UP!

DISCO/ELECTRO/FUNK/MAINSTREAM

eusa.ed.ac.uk

Edinburgh Univerity Studentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Asociation is a Registered Scottish Charity (No.SCO15800)

shuffle resident

NASTY P

Puzzles

Mr Mime says:

Puzzles

The Student Crossword #6

Solutions

Sudoku # 6

ACROSS 9 HAL 9000 from Space Odyssey (13) 10 In favour of (3) 11 Garment worn by dancers (7) 12 Aromatic herb (4) 13 Donated (4) 15 Fertile area in a desert (5) 17 Person who rows (7) 19 Freedom from war (5) 21 Rick Wakeman's prog rock band (3) 23 N Scottish coastal town (5) 24 Large ships (7) 25 Frighten (5) 27 Actively engaged (4) 28 Incandescent lamp (4) 30 A member of a courtroom (7) 32 Great fuss (3) 33 Rebirth of the soul in a new body (13)

2 5

2 9

6 9

4 6

Hitori # 6 The object of Hitori is to eliminate numbers by shading in the squares such that remaining cells do not contain numbers that appear more than once in either a given row or column. Filled-in cells cannot be horizontally or vertically adjacent, although they can be diagonally adjacent. The remaining un-filled cells must form a single component (i.e there must be no isolated numbers).

20 Headed east (9) 22 A wetsuit that covers the entire body (8) 26 Continent (6) 27 Facial hair (5) 29 Undo (5) 30 Lockup (4)

31 Ark builder (4)

CROSSWORD

SUDOKU

HITORI

Sudoku is a logic-based number-placement puzzle. The objective is to fill the 9×9 grid so that each column, each row, and each of the nine 3×3 boxes (also called blocks or regions) contains the digits from 1 to 9 only once.

ANDY PANDA

DOWN 1 Biblical collection of poems (5,4) 2 European country closest to Africa (5) 3 From the mouth (4) 4 Lack of variety (8) 5 Talks (6) 6 A cool and sexy guy (4) 7 Where Oliver Twist was raised (9) 8 Bent forward, inclined to (5) 14 Wrong (5) 16 To take a flat object to the buttocks (5) 18 Element of a hurricane (9)

“

..."

His silence only incriminates him further (8th of October on http://twitter.com/TheMime)

SCOTT MAHONY

Addicted to the box? Email sport@studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday 20 October 2009 studentnewspaper.org

Sport 27

Edinburgh sail to 4 Nations glory Olivia Manser reports as Edinburgh sees off opposition from across the country ON THE evening of the 29 September 2009, the Edinburgh First sailing team set out on an intrepid adventure down south to compete for the inaugural 4 Nations University Team Racing Championships. After a disappointing result at the British Universities Sailing Association (BUSA) championships, the team inevitably saw this as a chance to redeem themselves and came out on top as the best university team racers in the country. The four teams in the competition, Limerick from Ireland, Cardiff from Wales, Edinburgh from Scotland and Oxford from England, had a slow morning waiting for the wind to fill in but eventually got on the water after lunch. Light winds blew across Chew Valley reservoir, which meant patience and good roll tacking was paramount. Three round robins were completed in which Edinburgh dominated the opposition with some slick conversions and superior handling, winning each of their nine races and laying down the perfect game in the league stage of the tournament. A best-of-three final then ensued between Edinburgh and Oxford, while Limerick and Cardiff had a third place play-off. After a B-rate pre-start, the first race of the final resulted in Edinburgh’s first loss of the day against Oxford. Not to be discouraged, the team rounded up for race two, and delivered a textbook pre-start to the opposition. Oxford team member Stu Adams, unable to handle the imminent loss facing his team, proceeded to commit a heinous professional foul, resulting in a black flag from the umpires. Consequently

SAILING SUCCESS: Edinburgh's winning team (l-r): Olivia Manser, George Clark, Lianne Hibbert, Rob Friend, Katie MacKenzie and Mark Powell Edinburgh only needed positions two and three to win, leaving a team member behind in sixth place, but bringing the final to a third race decider. Halfway through race three, Edinburgh were in a devastating losing combination of position first, fifth and sixth. Excellent work by Rob Friend and George Clark in the lead compressed the race however, which meant that at mark four, Katie

MacKenzie and Olivia Manser were able to get Mark Powell and Leanne Hibbert through, and the last nailbiting beat finished with Edinburgh in first and second place at the finishing line, making the team the first winners of the 4 Nations Trophy. Calum Reid, the sailing club's commodore, said: "Edinburgh's racing teams have been dominating the Scottish team racing scene for the last few years with the First team

consistently winning events, a B-team posting strong top three results and a Ladies' team who always see off the other female competition. After some bad luck and disappointing performances in the later stages of the BUCS competitions of recent years it is great news for the club to see the first team put a good event together and prove that the club is able to compete at a national level."

Edinburgh put to sword by rampant Leeds Ed Senior reports as Edinburgh's netball side are comprehensively beaten by their English opponents Netball Premier Women's North University of Edinburgh Leeds Metropolitan Carnegie

17 63

EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY'S First netball team were beaten heavily in their first game in the British Universities & Colleges Sport (BUCS) Netball Premier North Division against Leeds Met last Wednesday. The Edinburgh side are the only team in Scotland to play against English opponents, and with many of the girls at Leeds Met playing in the Super League they knew they were in for an uphill struggle. The last time these two teams met the score ended 61-20 to the away side and the final score was very similar on this occasion. However, it was Edinburgh who opened the scoring with Lindsey Tien and Francesca Grieve putting the home side 2-0 up. Josie Curtis was providing the energy and movement in the middle of the court to keep the ball out of Leeds’ grasp. Yet the visitors were just getting warmed up and, after their early lapses in concentration, settled into their winning stride. Leeds’ goal shooter was too quick

for Edinburgh’s captain, Kate Cooper, who struggled to match her extremely talented opponent. Leeds’ sharpness and ability to pass the ball with great speed enabled them to open up the Edinburgh defence with relative ease and by the end of the first quarter the score line read 6-15 to the English side. The second quarter proved to be just as unsuccessful for the Edinburgh side. Charlotte Newell started it off from the centre pass, giving the ball straight to the opposition. It was clear that Edinburgh felt the game was getting away from them and in their eagerness to move forward more mistakes crept in. Leeds, on the other hand, were going from strength to strength, performing training ground manoeuvres which granted them shooting opportunities after a mere three passes from the centre. Tien and Grieve continued to offer some glimmer of hope with their great link-up play which provided them with rare chances which they duly dispatched. However, their resistance was blighted by a lack of service from Edinburgh and some physical defending from Leeds which you would not have thought legal in a supposedly non-contact sport. Grieve, at one point, was struck in

the face by her muscular opponent. Leeds led 13-30 going into the third quarter with the game essentially over. Edinburgh made several changes in an attempt to mix things up as Sophie Carmichael came on to try and help Cooper out with her defensive duties against a formidable

“

Leeds went from strength to strength, performing training ground manoeuvres which granted them shooting opportunities after a mere three passes" strike-force. The extra height, combined with Cooper’s return to form, provided the home side with some strong defending, including some well taken interceptions and rebounds. However, Clare Gaskell, who had replaced Charlotte Newell at centre, was at times careless with her passing and with Leeds’ superb counter-attacking capabilities, Cooper and Carmichael soon found themselves overwhelmed. Kari

Taylor replaced Grieve, yet her partnership with Tien was not as fluid, with the same being said about her consistency to score. By the end of the third quarter the lead had stretched further to 32 points, the score reading 16-48. The fourth quarter provided much of the same and the away side ran out comfortable 17-63 winners. However, the girls have much to be proud of. As already mentioned they are the only university side in Scotland who are in this league and many of their opponents have the ability to entice top quality players. This was also the team’s first game this season and so time is needed for them to form greater understanding of their teammates' movements, which will eventually enable them to play sharper, more effective netball. Last year, Edinburgh managed to stay in this league with a last-second goal by Tien against Newcastle and if the girls are going to avoid relegation again, it is likely the same desire and fighting spirit will be required throughout the rest of the season.

Injury Time TAKES A LOOK AT THE WORLD OF SPORT

To go, or not to go? THE OLD Firm have struggled in Europe this season, and once again this has triggered talk of their departure to the land of riches in the English leagues or an Atlantic league. Panic buttons are being firmly pushed by both Celtic and Rangers fans as they see their sides struggle to compete with others from around Europe, and many supporters feel it is their existence in the Scottish leagues that is holding them back. What would life be like in Scottish football without the Old Firm? Competition for the SPL title would almost certainly become more than a two horse race. The teams left in the SPL might find their attendances increasing as their squad is finally able to compete for the top prize. After all, no team outside the Old Firm has won the top flight title since 1985. However, the Old Firm are undeniably the main attraction for advertising and television companies who invest in Scottish football; these companies may be unwilling to retain the same level of investment for a division that lacks Celtic and Rangers. A frightening statistic revealed that the television deal prior to the current one was on average one-third of the entire income that teams such as St. Mirren, Hamilton and Falkirk received. If television and advertising income was limited due to an Old Firm departure, the teams left in the SPL would have to cut their costs further than they already have. Clubs may have to start releasing their top players to balance the books, which would trigger a steeper decline in the quality of Scottish football. Dundee United chairman Stephen Thomson has publicly stated that talk of the Old Firm leaving is "unsettling". It is not surprising that he feels this way. Home ties against Celtic and Rangers bring in a few hundred thousand pounds every time they visit. The Old Firm are an income that clubs in this country are desperate to keep. It is a highly contentious issue as to whether Celtic and Rangers leaving Scotland would help the country’s football or hinder it. Attendances might initially rise, replacing the loss of the television, advertising and Old Firm away support income. However, when Aberdeen, Hibernian, Hearts or Dundee United start to dominate the top flight, attendances could fall again for the smaller clubs who still cannot break through to have a chance of winning the title. An Old Firm departure would be a change of direction for Scottish football. Football in this nation could return to a similar focus of the past. Football clubs, without large television or advertising incomes, could literally be described as ‘clubs’ again, rather than companies. Chairmen without their television deals would finally put the pay-at-the-gate football supporters first.

Will Lyon

Sport studentnewspaper.org Tuesday October 20 2009

Edinburgh's sailing team triumph in 4 Nations competition P

Mixed first week for water polo players Craig Meek reports on a varied start to the season for Edinburgh's polo teams THE UNIVERSITY polo teams kicked off their season last week, starting on a path which many hope will end with yet another run all the way to BUCS finals. Both the men and women were in action and of the four games played, two ended in comfortable victories, while the other two resulted in decisive defeats for the capital side. The men’s first team got their season underway with a Scottish National League game against a youthful but strong Dunfermline squad. With key players away fulfilling commitments to other polo clubs, the Edinburgh team was depleted in both numbers and experience, having only three regulars from the previous season starting. This proved to be a serious disadvantage, as they suffered a 24-2 drubbing at the hands of the Fife side. Regardless, there were still some promising signs, especially from players who had moved up from the second team to replace the huge gaps left by the departure of five highly capable starters from last years team that made it to BUCS finals. Rob Loveless played well on the wing and scored Edinburgh’s only two goals, while Henry Raley did an excellent job in nets despite the score-line, making some impressive saves. Not disheartened at the heavy defeat, the team moved on to play Robert Gordon University in the universities league later the same day. The score couldn’t have contrasted more to the previous game’s, with Edinburgh thrashing their opponents 29-6. In a very one sided affair against an entirely new Robert Gordon team, every member of the Edinburgh side scored at least once, with veteran Antonio Malfense Fierro finding the back of the next no fewer than ten times. The men's team face Aberdeen University in their next match on Sunday and will want to start building a winning run in order to replicate the impressive BUCS campaign from last year. While the men’s side still have much work to do, Edinburgh women have obviously been putting in the effort in training. The second team got their season off to an excellent start with a solid 5-2 win over Glasgow. With a large intake of Freshers, the women were looking good heading into the match and did not disappoint with an exciting display. One notable performance of the match was that of Hannah Kennish, who scored a hattrick to help the team to an impressive victory, and one which should give coach Derek Doherty much optimism

for the women’s upcoming season. The women's side continue their BUCS campaign against Robert Gordon University's first team this weekend and will be looking to build on this promising start. The men’s second team were also in action against Glasgow last week, though unfortunately the score-line

did not match that of the ladies. Despite spells of good play, in the end Glasgow took control of the game to win 8-2. Nevertheless, the team performed strongly throughout, knowing that the game time would give them valuable experience and help the new players gel. Captain Josh Watts grabbed both of Edinburgh’s

goals, despite having broken his fingers in training earlier in the week. The men's seconds continue their season on Sunday against St. Andrews University and will be aiming to build on the promising signs displayed against Glasgow, despite the disappointing final score-line. All in all it was a good week for the

MAKING A SPLASH: Edinburgh University in water polo action against Dunfermline

women, and a mixed one for the men. The teams can rest with the confidence that after the new players have settled in and as the pace in training is stepped up, Edinburgh University has the potential to be another formidable force in British water polo again this season.