UNATTACHED

BOOKS/REVIEWS

Sophia Leonie Photograher: Ori Jones

Unattached

The new book that lifts the lid on being single in the 21st century

Curated by journalist and author Angelica Malin, Unattached explores the nuances of being single today through the voices of thirty women; with personal essays. One of the women, Sophia Leonie, shares how she got involved with the book and candidly answers questions, on navigating singlehood in today’s society.

I'm a writer, mainly a playwright and screenwriter, from north London, with a 15-year history of working as a teacher. I believe passionately in education and the empowerment of women and marginalised groups - and that informs everything I write. I was contacted in the beginning of the pandemic about whether I’d be interested in writing an essay in Unattached, after the editor Angelia Malin read a previous article I wrote in the online magazine gal-dem. The article was about coming out of a 13-year relationship and was very personal - without being scornful to the other person - it was all about what I had learnt from the experience. As more time has passed, I know now - more than when I initially wrote that article - that the active choices I made at that difficult time, changed the trajectory of my life, leading to great things personally and professionally. So when I was approached to take part in Unattached I was flattered and said yes. It’s a beautiful, much needed project with a great collection of work. The anthology speaks to women everywhere who have felt defined by their relationship status... It does more than normalises singledom - it celebrates it.

UNATTACHED

Angelica Malin

Q&A

1. I've recently got divorced and unsure how to navigate my 'new normal' What advice would you give? The new normal will feel strange but you can’t fight it, you have to embrace the change. Lean into the ways you can now choose a life that serves you. That can be the little thing: what things did you not do because of your husband? Shows you like to watch but he didn’t? Watch them all. Music he didn’t like? Blast it, every morning, every day. Decor ideas he wasn’t keen on? Paint your living room that colour, buy that green velvet sofa! Start being unapologetically you. And if you’re creative at all, write it all down. What you’re feeling now is temporary and you’re not going to feel like this in a few weeks, months or years so capturing how you feel right now, as well as being cathartic, will remind you someday in the near future, just how far you’ve come.

2. I'm a single parent and dread going to weddings and engagement parties alone, what tips do you have on overcoming fear when it comes to events like these? The truth is, it can be daunting going to these things alone but honestly, everyone is there for the bride and groom and no-body cares at all who you are with or not with. It’s an added unnecessary pressure that we, as women, often put on ourselves. Go to the wedding and have a good time. And if that sneaking sadness comes over you, that thought that you’ll never be able to find love or have a engagement or wedding of your own, just remember - and obviously don’t tell the bride and groom this - but over half of marriages end in divorce, lots of people are pressured into marriages they don’t want or aren’t ready for and most people get into ridiculous amounts of debt and financial trouble just to have wedding that spend their life paying off. There’s just no point envying other couples - we have no idea what they’re really dealing with. Focus on the positives of the event: get a cute outfit, buy a nice gift for the couple, and book a fancy hotel to make it a bit of a getaway for you or you and your child.

3. All my friends are either married or in long term relationships, I'm finding it hard to find common ground and often feel left out, is there any advice that you may have on this? Get new friends. That sounds harsh and it’s not meant to be, but it’s true. They can still be your friends of course, and you’ll be there for them as they navigate this chapter of their life - but you’re in a different chapter and need to be around people that are too, so you feel good about where you are in life. So actively seek out other single friends to hang out with. Obviously it’s harder to make friends when you’re older, but that’s one of the really good things about social media - you can seek out people you have something in common with. Talk online, suggest going for a coffee, or a drink. And if that sounds daunting, go to places alone, where you’ll likely meet like minded people. I used to go to the theatre alone a lot, networking events, or even gym classes - and made lots of new friends that way when I was single. These people might be outside your usual social circle but once you embrace the change, you’ll begin to have a brilliant time. When you do spend time with your coupled up friends again, you’ll be less likely to feel resentful or left out - and it’ll probably make those relationships stronger.

Unattached is available now from all good book stores and online.

ART

Luca Malacrino is a Welsh actor, living in Los Angeles. He has worked on over 30 projects, including works such as Criminal Minds, Grey's Anatomy, Coronation Street, Distant Vision with the Godfather’s Francis Ford Coppola, and his first self-produced movie, Elephants is now available to watch on Amazon Prime.

Follow @glucamalacrino

Being the best version of yourself

Hello readers! In this column, Style of the City has asked me to share my thoughts on the idea of being the best version of yourself.

The idea of being The Best Version of Yourself is something that I have been extremely interested in further understanding. At first, it makes me want to question the statement. What does that actually mean? What is ‘the highest version of myself’ and why does it matter? This has changed over the last few years but now I believe that actually achieving that very end/highest version of yourself isn’t actually the important part. The important part is that this exercise forces the clarity and structure we need to focus on growing every single day/ week - and that is where the magic lies.

Throughout my many years of journaling, I have discovered that my moments of depression have constantly occurred when I have not been growing in any of the main 5 areas of life: Career & Finances, Social & Relationships, Health & Well-being, Spiritual, Contribution. Of course, there are sometimes childhood memories that can have an impact but you could argue that seeking therapy to deal with those issues is a form of growth in Health & Wellbeing, as well as Spiritual.

SETTING GOALS All I can do is share what I have been doing for the last 10 years and hope that this structure resonates with you, or at least inspires another way of achieving the same. I know some people have elaborate systems that take up both an hour in the morning as well as the evening - I tried it. I gave up within a week as I didn’t have the time and if I am being honest - I’m too lazy. They just help put my mind in a good place before bed. Lastly, freewriting is anything on your mind. Venting about the day, congratulating yourself, a lesson learned, a thought, a special moment, a joke you heard… anything! This daily entry is usually a page in a standard size journal. If you feel motivated to write more, then write more!