Calamity Kay

Calamity Kay Provides Perfect Pick Up for Profligate Primaries It was another classy performance for Primaries who managed to survive a pre match character assassination by Jamie “Blogstomper” Petrie (pictured) and a near fatal Ralgex® overdose. Also, a few boys were showing signs of distress after witnessing Paul “Dr Screw” Hunter’s new pubic topiary.

After 11 goals in their last 2 games, PSFC flew out of the traps and into their now trademark one touch passing game. It wasn’t long before shots were raining down on the Tynie/St David’s goalkeeper.

After a couple of sighters from Sullivan (doing well to pick himself up after an unprovoked midweek outburst from electronic nemesis Petrie) it was Jamieson who opened the scoring. A through ball from Baillie left plenty to do for the in­form goal­getter but he used his physique to outmuscle (pardon?! –Ed) the fullback and coolly slotted from close range. 1­0 Primaries!

Soon after, another through ball was played to Sullivan who beat the offside trap and bore down on goal. Sullivan certainly showed that the “Geek has Chic” as he lashed an unstoppable drive into the bottom corner from 18 yards (incidentally, MUCH further out that Jamieson’s effort last week). 2­0 Primaries!

2­0 Halftime With an outstanding first half performance and a handy lead under their belts it was a relaxed Primaries that kicked off for the second period. So relaxed, in fact, the whole back line simultaneously acted out a 15 minute version of Dawn of the Dead with Sullivan as “Heid Zombie”.

A shambling piece of defending on the edge of his own penalty box left the Tynie striker (hold on, he was bigger than that! –Ed) with the easiest of opportunities to pull one back for the home side.

2­1 Primaries!

Durkin looks on in disbelief at a clearly shaken Sullivan

PSFC were far from unsettled by the new complement of undead in their ranks and pushed forward with Man of the Match Gilhooley pulling the strings in a tenacious performance. This time it was injury plagued Jamie Begg who took charge after an unintentional dummy from Petrie and placed a smart finish beyond the St David’s keeper.

3­1 Primaries!

The relief on Sullivan’s coupon was obvious yet he seemed hell bent on making life as difficult as possible for his team mates. An over hit through ball from the St.David's midfield left the bald blogger with the simplest of tasks to shepherd the ball over the line for a bye kick. However, showing all the composure of a lobotomised seagull he inexplicably let the attacker hook the ball back into the box and the home side took full advantage to notch their second. 3­2 Primaries!

Primaries were now in dire need of a pick me up to get their performance back on track. French was blowing from the tugs in midfield and Dimeck had regressed to the role of pitch side hard man. Luckily, full back Douglas Kay was on hand to give the team the fillip they were crying out for. Without warning, the toupée’d troubadour suddenly galloped the length of the park to join the attack, only to find himself 4 yards from an unguarded goalmouth and the ball at his feet.

An irate Dimeck shows In a heroic, selfless gesture, he shanked the ball clean over the bar to leave his team­mate’s pishing themselves and team his displeasure spirit full to overflowing.

The effect was immediate as PSFC roared back up the field with the second best goal of the game. Dimeck was itching to channel his all consuming rage into a meaningful contribution and he started and finished the move which restored Primaries two goal advantage. Another glorious period of possession bore fruit when the ball broke to Dimeck on the penalty spot and he spanked an angry shot into the net. 4­2 Primaries!

All that was left for Primaries was to wrap up the win with a Petrie sclaff that somehow evaded the goalie’s grasp and send The Travelling Dangleberries to their various homes with another crushing victory. Full Time 5­2 Primaries!

Man of the Match:­ After a prophetic cry of “I’m gonnae win that fuggin trophy the ‘day, likes!”, it was Stevie Gilhooley who took the honours after a ferocious display.