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CONTRIBUTORS
Shay Cole is a writer, author, Kim Cross is the owner and coach, poet, and publisher. She Happy Skin Formulator at Zhi owns and operates Creative Bath & Body, a natural skincare Chameleon LLC, a professional shop based in Charlotte, NC. She writing and publishing company, has been in the beauty industry specializing in creating custom for the last 30 years; working content for books, blogs, and both as a stylist and skincare websites. Shay has selfformulator. Having dealt with published a number of books and severe psoriasis for over 20 years, seeks to help others accomplish she knows the hardship of finding the same goal. She also performs products that are gentle, good her poetry on stages across the for the skin, and smell amazing. country. To learn more about 16 years of research and Shay and what she does, please formulating has resulted in a goat visit the website milk skincare and soy candle line www.acreativechameleon.com. that is simply amazing. Helping you love you...naturally.
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Janet Downs is an instructor with over 20 years of experience, having worked with Fortune 500 companies and non-profit organizations. She volunteers and is a resource for the homeless community and is working towards starting her own nonprofit. She’s passionate about mental health and seeks to bring more awareness to the black community. She is active in church ministry, a writer, and loves music, hiking, and travel.
CONTRIBUTORS
Candis Johnson is an author and Obsession has published 17 freelance journalist from NJ. She romance, drama, and erotica is the editor of the Literary books and five poetry books. Magazine series SOUL as well the She's a native of Chicago and an erotica anthology Erogenous award-winning poet, local artist, Zone. She has a passion for and photographer. Obsession is a music and the artists who create passionate child advocate and is it. You can follow her on at the end stages of her master's Instagram @misscandis36 . degree in clinical psychology, which she will use to work with children, teens, and young adults suffering from ACEs (adverse childhood experiences). Follow her at @authorobsession.
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Khadijah Phillips is a highly driven woman who was born to break barriers. She proves that when powered by purpose, women are unstoppable. She’s built her storied life and career brick by brick, fighting fears, failures, and setbacks to have the success she’s always known was hers to claim. Today, she personifies what it means to ascend above adversity while inspiring countless others to do the same through her media company and strategic partnerships. You can follow her on instagram @bestiesmedia and check out her website www.bestiesmedia.com.
Letter from the Editor Greetings, If you are new here, thank you for checking us out, and if you are returning, then “Greetings, sis!” You know, after writing these letters for 13 years, it would seem that I am used to them by now, like I might have a formula for them. But to be honest, I have never had a formula until today, when it struck me that the commonality was to be vulnerable, write from the heart, and stay true to myself. Yet, that does not make this any easier. However, if I am being honest, I am in a good place mentally right now, and that is not something I can always say. I very recently closed a chapter that had been open for over a decade, and now I feel a sense of relief and freedom. I love it! It goes well with my recent relocation. I just want everything new. New city, new life, new friends, new streams of income, new romances—I am embracing it all. My life is far from perfect right now, but my oldest, my son, just gradated from HVAC school, my older daughter is applying to nursing school, and my youngest is about to graduate from high school. I am looking forward to it as I sisterhood- from making friends, to sustaining friendships, to approach this second half of my life with my turning 40 this transformation and connection through self-care, and more. year. I am in a great space.
Plus, I had the awesome privilege of sitting down with one of the biggest bosses out right now, Mrs. Monique Rose Sneed,
I don’t want to jinx it but I don’t want to downplay or who is our cover story. Monique and I discuss business, discredit it either. It has taken a long time, but as Mary J. branding, domestic abuse, love, and everything in between. Blige says, “I made it here with love, looovve.” And I am ready to share this awesome journey with some amazing I hope you enjoy this issue and know that it was made with friends. I’m ready to be a friend to someone because I know love. Also, if you want to know more about where life is what it is to be in need of a companion, a trusted confidant. taking me right now, follow my journey in the other When we don’t have friends or people to keep it real with, Chocolate City, DC, in my #findingfancy series on Instagram we stay in situations longer than we need to because we are and YouTube. only seeing the world with our rose-colored glasses. There is no one there to say, “Sis, I disagree!” Or if you like me, there Peace and blessings, is no one to tell you to rethink your outfit choice. So, in honor of Women’s History Month, we are talking 4
Fancy
TABLE OF CONTENTS
LIFESTYLE How to Nurture Lifelong Bonds & Sustain Adult Friendships
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Lifeline of Laughter and Love: My Found Family of Sisters
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The Transformative Power of Self-Care Workshops for Women
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This One-Day Retreat Allows Black Women to Explore Wellness
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Come On, Sis, I Got You
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3 Tips for Making Friends in a New City
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Sisterhood- 10 Tips for Forging Lasting Bonds
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FEATURES
National Council of Negro Women (NCNW) - An Organization of Black Sisterhood
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Harmonies of Authenticity: Gail Renee’s Journey from “Bloody Waters” to Rockboy Records
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Elevating Massage Therapy from Luxury to Necessity
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COVER STORY
BUSINESS
Keeping It Real: 2 Tips for Authentic Brand Storytelling
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outwork Everybody: Monique Rose Sneed
Visit
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to download this current issue to your tablet
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How To Nurture Lifelong Bonds &
Sustain Sustain Your Your Adult Adult Friendships Friendships By Obsession
Maintaining solid friendships can feel like an elusive endeavor in the whirlwind of adulthood, where responsibilities multiply like rabbits and time slips through our fingers. Yet, cultivating and nurturing these bonds becomes even more crucial amidst the chaos. So, how do we navigate the maze of grown-up life while still holding onto the camaraderie that once felt so effortless? Here are five tips to help you maintain and strengthen your adult relationships:
1. Establish Rituals of Connection: In the frenzy of our adult lives, establishing rituals of connection can be the anchor that steadies the ship. Whether it's a monthly brunch, a weekly call, or a yearly getaway, having these rituals creates a rhythm that allows you and your friends to sync up despite the demands of your individual schedules.
2. Quality Over Quantity: Next, think of a compelling feature for your cover story. This will be what draws your audience in. Make sure that you have accompanying visual content that immediately catches the eye. Include photos, illustrations, and other graphics to match. Appeal to your audience, choose the right fonts and images, and you'll have a magazine that people will remember for years to come.
3. Be a Cheerleader:
Photo by The Irandelson Salgueiro
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In the hustle of life, we often forget to be each other's cheerleaders. Take the time to celebrate your friends' achievements, no matter how small. A simple acknowledgment can go a long way in fostering a positive and supportive friendship.
4. Adapt to Change: Life is a series of ebbs and flows, and so are friendships. Be adaptable to the inevitable changes that adulthood brings. Understand that priorities shift and life circumstances evolve. Flexibility and understanding will help your companionships weather the storms of change.
5. Tackle Conflicts Head-On: Adult friendships are not immune to conflicts. When disagreements arise, tackle them head-on with open communication. Be willing to apologize when necessary and forgive with an open heart. Navigating disputes with honesty and empathy can deepen your understanding of each other and fortify your friendship. Sustaining strong friendships requires intention, effort, and a sprinkle of spontaneity. By prioritizing connection, embracing change, and cherishing the unique qualities that each friend brings to the table, you can navigate the complexities of grown-up life without losing the invaluable friendships that make the journey worthwhile.
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CEO | FOUNDER | COUNSELOR | COACH INSIDE AND OUT COUNSELING
/ WWW.DRSASHAMERCEDES.COM WWW.SISTERS2NDCHANCE.ORG WWW.INSIDEANDOUTCONSULTING.ORG
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Lifeline of Laughter and Love: My Found Family of Sisters By Khadijah Phillips Photography by Diamond Dogs Sisterhood to me is a sacred and special word to me. It holds so much meaning and a special place in my heart because although I wasn’t blessed with biological sisters, I found something much greater. My sisterhood transcends DNA and was built on laughter, tears, and unwavering support. It's my small but powerful group of lifelong friends that chose me and mean the world to me. There is power in choosing your family! My mother, a testament to the power of a chosen family, has friends she's known for over 40 years. These women are my "other mothers," confidantes who hold my secrets with gentle hands and laughter lines. They understand the unbreakable bond that women share, the unspoken language of sisterhood. We defy the narrative of female friendships, fueled by gossip and envy. We are messy, yes, but in the most beautiful way. We peel back the layers, exposing vulnerabilities and dreams with honesty. Our tough conversations are laced with love, and we celebrate each other's wins and losses with wine, snacks (cake products), and loud and obnoxious laughter. 9
My sisters are authentic and real. They smile with me, cry with me, cheer me on, and believe in me more than I believe in myself. Reminding me of who I am and cheering me on in the face of doubt, holding me steady when the ground feels shaky. Our conversations are about shared experiences, inside jokes, and whispered dreams. We are each other's therapists, sounding boards, and cheerleaders. We pick up the pieces after life throws its punches, celebrating each other's victories that rival any blood bond, in my opinion. We know the comfort of a late-night phone call, the silent understanding during a tearstreaked movie, the joy of sharing recipes, and more. We are a safe harbor, a place of vulnerability and strength. Sisterhood for me isn't just a catchphrase; it's the lifeline that keeps me afloat. It’s the "I love you" that ends every phone call, a reminder that I'm never alone. Yes, sisterhood in business is powerful, but my lifeblood lies in these lifelong friends, my chosen family. They are the anchors in my storm, the sunshine on my cloudy days, the echoes in my heart. And for that, I am eternally grateful. Dedicated to my besties.
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IN THE SPOTLIGHT:
NATIONAL COUNCIL OF NEGRO WOMEN (NCNW) BY JANET DOWNS
I had the pleasure of watching the livestream of this year’s annual Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Commemorative Service at Atlanta’s historic Ebenezer Baptist Church. I enjoyed the musical selections, readings, speeches, and productions by all the participants who came together to celebrate Dr. King’s life and legacy. One person really stood out for me, to the extent that I decided to write my Black sisterhood article about her and the organization she leads. Her name is Rev. Shavon Arline-Bradley, a sought-after motivational speaker/preacher, facilitator, trainer, and strategic planner, and she was this year’s keynote address speaker. She is the president of The National Council of Negro Women (NCNW) and founding principal and CEO of R.E.A.C.H. Beyond Solutions. It is a public health, advocacy, and executive firm promoting EDI, political and organizational strategy, risk management, government affairs, and technical assistance. Rev. Shavon took the podium and immediately grabbed my full attention. Standing ever so confidently in her purple pantsuit and pearls, she delivered a bold and powerful message: You Are in Enemy Territory. She wasted no time speaking of “trumped-up” rhetoric, political pawns spewing lies, and those who believed that being a slave was good for us. Rev. Shavon drove home that we were indeed in enemy territory.
Visiting the NCNW website, one of the first things one will see underneath the acronym are the words commitment, unity, and self-reliance. The National Council of Negro Women’s (NCNW) mission is to lead, empower, and advocate for women of African descent, their families, and communities. It was founded in 1935 by Dr. Mary McLeod Bethune, and for more than fifty years, Dr. Dorothy Height was president. It comprises 330 campus and communitybased sections and 33 national women’s organizations that enlighten, inspire, and connect more than two million women and men. The purpose of the NCNW can be summed up in four words: unite, promote, build, and serve. Comprised of a network of many sisters (and brothers), the NCNW has several programs, all of which help women of African descent and their families achieve financial literacy, economic stability, and better health and awareness. NCNW also promotes civic engagement and education, focusing on science, technology, engineering, art, and math, and advocates for public policy and social justice. NCNW also promotes HBCUs by taking part in the King Legacy HBCU Fair. It was one of the sponsors in 2023, along with the Greenville Drive and 11 Rainbow-PUSH Greenville.
As I continued to read about all the amazing services NCNW provides, I found numerous group photos of beautiful black and brown women. Some in black and white; others in color and taken over the years. The women are from various NCNW community sections. It is Black sisterhood at its finest, and they’re all standing proudly, knowing that they’ve made and are making a great impact in their communities and beyond. Black women are indeed the backbone of society, and Black sisterhood is about supporting our women and giving a helping hand. To me, it also goes beyond friendship circles. It’s about determination and working relentlessly to see this generation and the next succeeding in a society that tries so hard to turn the hands of time backward. This is NCNW. There are opportunities to get involved. The more sections there are, the greater its nationwide outreach—peace and power to all the Black sisterhood bonds that tie us together. Website: https://ncnw.org
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THE TRANSFORMATIVE POWER OF Self-Care WORKSHOPS By Kim Cross In the hustle and bustle of women's lives, envision a relaxed atmosphere where connection and personal growth throw a super cool bash. Beyond the soothing face masks and sound baths, self-care workshops are a sanctuary where shared experiences take the stage—easing stress, bidding farewell to loneliness, and ensuring a good time. They are spaces where women strip away daily challenges as easily as shedding a coat at the door to enjoy an event where connections form into an enduring sisterhood. Let’s explore the joyous intersection where the power of self-care meets sisterly connections. Celebrating the sisterhood that fuels our professional and personal lives involves sifting through the intricate tapestry of our collective experiences—each thread a testament to the bonds that unite us. From the fierceness of our ancestors to modern-day icons, sisterhood is steeped in a rich legacy of strength and solidarity. There's something inherently powerful about women coming together…the ties that bind us, the stories that inspire us, and the collective strength that propels us forward professionally and personally. We all need that love letter that just makes our entire day. Sisterhood and self-care is a love letter that can lighten up our lives on the worst of days; with self-care being our not-so-secret weapon in the battle for balance and well-being. Sometimes, it feels like we're just ONE broken plate away from a total meltdown, then self-care swoops in like our trusty superhero cape, ready to save the day! It's not just about treating ourselves to a spa day (although, let's be honest, it’s a good idea). Self-care is about tuning into our needs, setting boundaries, and giving ourselves the TLC we deserve. It’s taking a walk in nature, indulging in some Netflix bingewatching, or simply saying "no"; the goal is finding what fills our cups and making it a priority. But the real MVP move of self-care is resilience. We know the struggle is real, especially for boss babes navigating the wild world of business. From dealing with imposter syndrome to battling the ever-elusive work-life balance, discrimination, and jealousy amongst peers, we face some serious challenges. Here's the tea: self-care is a powerful tool for resilience. When we take the time to recharge, we're better equipped to tackle whatever curveballs come our way. We think more clearly, we focus on the priorities and nevermind the nonsense—ready to slay some -ish and take names!
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Then there’s gathering…something is magical about coming together in a safe, nurturing space. Self-care shindigs are where women can unite and thrive! What makes these workshops so special? The power of shared experiences. Swapping stories of triumph or sharing tips for tackling curveballs, we bond over our common journeys and find strength in our unity. Whether it's lending an ear, offering advice, or simply sharing a knowing glance, we lift each other up, recognizing we're stronger together. The most beautiful thing about these gatherings is the sense of community that’s seen and felt. Society often tries to pit us against each other, and these workshops remind us that we're not competitors; we're collaborators – the backbone of the home (and business) is girded up. THAT makes for better, kinder communities as a whole. Unwind Your Wellness, for example, was an intentional night of “me time” activities, learning how to make time for self when there is none, and just communing with other women. It was a magical Friday evening once a year that we now host bi-annually. THERE IS strength when we come together. But Hey! We're not just attending to pamper ourselves and share common ills; we break down barriers and shatter glass ceilings! Self-care workshops have become our secret weapon against societal barriers. It's not just about warm fuzzies and feel-good vibes. No, sisterhood is a force to be reckoned with—a collective powerhouse of talent, wisdom, and sheer badassery. The impact of united women in business is unstoppable…years of know-how and insight across multiple industries create a storm of smashed stereotypes. Wanna talk about a seat at the table? Sisterhoods can make their own tables; rewriting rules and paving the way for future generations. The major takeaway for nurturing sisterhoods through self=care workshops? We need them. Embrace opportunities for connection and growth with other women through gathering. There 14 is a level of peace that comes from having a community that has your back.
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O UTWORK
EVERYBODY
MONIQUE ROSE SNEED 05
WHEN I USE THE WORDS “SIS” OR “SISTER,” I TRULY BELIEVE THAT I SHOULD FEEL A KINSHIP AND A RELATIONSHIP WITH WOMEN WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH SIMILAR SITUATIONS, LIKE ME.
Monique on Outworking Everybody & Business Success When we think of lady bosses who are presently making moves, restauranteur /nonprofit owner, Monique Rose Sneed must not be left out of the mix. Though she was a teenage mom, the now multihyphenate entrepreneur has over twenty years of business experience. She started out on her path in her early 20s by subleasing her first bar from its owner and consequently making it a success. To her disappointment, the owner to returned and took the bar back. Sneed–void of a contract and legal backing–was defenseless.
Since then, the current mother of two has grown tremendously. She has overcome insurmountable odds and outworked her competition which has enabled her to earn seven figures annually with her many ventures, ranging from food and beverage services, music production, media podcasting, brand building, and more. Let's get better acquainted with this sister as she shares with us her 17
journey–including everything from her business ventures to domestic abuse to sisterhood to marrying younger men. Fancy: So your motto is to “outwork everybody.” As a multi-hyphenate entrepreneur, you have certainly been doing that. But what brought you to this thought process? Monique: I think I’ve just been doing it my whole life. I got my first job when I was thirteen years old. I did that because I had seen my mom work so hard, at least for me. I was like, let me do something to relieve the pressure from off of her and let me make some of my own money. So, it's just been a lifestyle for me for a very long time. . . This is not a hashtag [flow]. I know the people that follow me. See, I tag #outworkeverybody in every post, but it's truly how I live my life. I try to outwork everyone, and people think it's a competition thing–and it is– but only within myself. So that's why I tell everybody,
you too should outwork everybody. You know what I mean? I always say, "nobody will outwork me." And I mean that because I'm competing with myself. I want to do something better than I did the day before. I want to ensure that I accomplish more today than yesterday. So it's not an outward competition. It's more about just making sure that you maximize every single day. Fancy: I love that! Maximize every single day! Even while thinking about that question and your motto, I didn't really take it to mean that it was like a competition with anyone. Like you, I was thinking of it as more like a competition with yourself. It seems like we're on the same page there. Monique: Yeeeeesssss. Fancy: What do you think are the elements of any successful business in this day 10 and age? Before, I felt like there were all these rules and thought processes, but now
it’s like things have changed so dramatically for entrepreneurship. Monique: A lot has changed. One element that you must have is that businesses are good because businesses solve problems. But we're moving into a space where you not only have to have a business, you also have to have a brand because brands tell a story, and that is what people are looking for. Now that we have so much access to companies on social media and see the people behind these businesses, we're being let into their lives more. So that's another element that you must now have–you really have to tell a story. People are now following brands and supporting businesses because of the story. They are like, oh, I like this thing because there's so much access there. Fancy: I agree with both of those things. When I listened to your interview on the Girl Stop Playing podcast, and you mentioned how social media allows us to market to people for free, I was like, “Girl!” That was my “Girl, stop playing!” moment. Right? It's crazy to me, and I know we're supposed to be on social media, but it really affects me mentally. So, I took a step back. And then to hear that–it was just like something clicked. Like, “Okay, you know, you've been resting long enough. It's time for you to get back into the game.” So thank you for that moment there.
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Monique: No problem. I'm glad it did click. Fancy: To follow up on what you just said about branding and sharing our stories, my next question was that you've been in the game for almost twenty years now, but you're just now stepping into the spotlight. Is there a reason for that or is it because you also just had a pivotal moment where you realized that it was more about branding? Monique: To be honest, it's piggybacking on what we were just talking about. As far as telling the story, I'm stepping into things more, being more in the spotlight, and talking to followers. Stuff like that. But it's new to me. That was by design. I like to be behind the scenes and just ensure that the business is running like it is supposed to. But again, if we're talking about telling a story, I realized that people bought into my story and wanted to hear more of the story, and it felt like I could reach more people when I told that part of the story. The only way to do that was to step into the spotlight and be more open about what I've been through. I needed to tell my testimony, say where I'm coming from, and really just become a light to people. They say, “Okay, she did this. She had a child at sixteen. She's from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. She only has a high school diploma. She didn't go to college. But if these are things that she can accomplish purely through hard work, then maybe I can do that too!” So I think that's why I have
leaned into it a little more now. I realize that it's more impactful when they hear it from the source. Fancy: Yes, I totally agree with that. And from those years, did you ever feel stagnant? If so, what did you do? Monique: Oh, for many of those years. Like I said, I've had a job since I was thirteen, so you know what I mean? I'm 44 years old. That's a long time, a long work history. Many of those years were paycheck to paycheck. Many of those years, I felt like I was just on a hamster wheel and doing the same thing over and over again. I didn't know how I was going to get off of that hamster wheel. I had no idea, but I always felt like work would intersect with success at some point. You know what I mean? My definition of success was some type of freedom; to me, that's what money provides– freedom. It's not about the money itself. It's the ability to be free in my mind and my soul and to help my family not worry about so many things. So, yeah, that’s what I had to do to keep going because I did feel stuck for many years. I'm going to say almost close to twenty years. Dang, that’s a long time! I feel like you dig yourself out of a hole and then take 100 steps back. It’s like, I do this and then something comes to knock you back down. Life happens, you know what I mean? So I am ahead, and then there's a divorce. I am ahead, and then I move into Atlanta. I am ahead, and then something else happens.
it’s like things have changed so dramatically for entrepreneurship. Monique: A lot has changed. One element that you must have is that businesses are good because businesses solve problems. But we're moving into a space where you not only have to have a business, you also have to have a brand because brands tell a story, and that is what people are looking for. Now that we have so much access to companies on social media and see the people behind these businesses, we're being let into their lives more. So that's another element that you must now have–you really have to tell a story. People are now following brands and supporting businesses because of the story. They are like, oh, I like this thing because there's so much access there. Fancy: I agree with both of those things. When I listened to your interview on the Girl Stop Playing podcast, and you mentioned how social media allows us to market to people for free, I was like, “Girl!” That was my “Girl, stop playing!” moment. Right? It's crazy to me, and I know we're supposed to be on social media, but it really affects me mentally. So, I took a step back. And then to hear that–it was just like something clicked. Like, “Okay, you know, you've been resting long enough. It's time for you to get back into the game.” So thank you for that moment there.
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Monique: No problem. I'm glad it did click. Fancy: To follow up on what you just said about branding and sharing our stories, my next question was that you've been in the game for almost twenty years now, but you're just now stepping into the spotlight. Is there a reason for that or is it because you also just had a pivotal moment where you realized that it was more about branding? Monique: To be honest, it's piggybacking on what we were just talking about. As far as telling the story, I'm stepping into things more, being more in the spotlight, and talking to followers. Stuff like that. But it's new to me. That was by design. I like to be behind the scenes and just ensure that the business is running like it is supposed to. But again, if we're talking about telling a story, I realized that people bought into my story and wanted to hear more of the story, and it felt like I could reach more people when I told that part of the story. The only way to do that was to step into the spotlight and be more open about what I've been through. I needed to tell my testimony, say where I'm coming from, and really just become a light to people. They say, “Okay, she did this. She had a child at sixteen. She's from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. She only has a high school diploma. She didn't go to college. But if these are things that she can accomplish purely through hard work, then maybe I can do that too!” So I think that's why I have
leaned into it a little more now. I realize that it's more impactful when they hear it from the source. Fancy: Yes, I totally agree with that. And from those years, did you ever feel stagnant? If so, what did you do? Monique: Oh, for many of those years. Like I said, I've had a job since I was thirteen, so you know what I mean? I'm 44 years old. That's a long time, a long work history. Many of those years were paycheck to paycheck. Many of those years, I felt like I was just on a hamster wheel and doing the same thing over and over again. I didn't know how I was going to get off of that hamster wheel. I had no idea, but I always felt like work would intersect with success at some point. You know what I mean? My definition of success was some type of freedom; to me, that's what money provides– freedom. It's not about the money itself. It's the ability to be free in my mind and my soul and to help my family not worry about so many things. So, yeah, that’s what I had to do to keep going because I did feel stuck for many years. I'm going to say almost close to twenty years. Dang, that’s a long time! I feel like you dig yourself out of a hole and then take 100 steps back. It’s like, I do this and then something comes to knock you back down. Life happens, you know what I mean? So I am ahead, and then there's a divorce. I am ahead, and then I move into Atlanta. I am ahead, and then something else happens.
There have been so many times that this has happened, but I always knew there was something on the other side of it. I am extremely spiritual, and I believe in God. I did not think that He would take me through all those things only just to drop me right there and that be the end of it. I felt stagnant many times, but I persevered. You just have to keep pushing through and have faith that there's something on the other side of this valley.
Monique on Domestic Abuse Fancy: While you were just talking about overcoming hurdles and obstacles, on the personal side, you've survived domestic abuse. We know so many women are still suffering silently. What words of encouragement would you share with those women? Monique: Don't be silent. That's where the power and the control comes from. When you're hiding stuff from people, and you don't have a voice, things go on longer than they should. That is why you stay in situations that you should not be in. That is why you allow the continued abuse because you're not speaking up. I'm not saying stand on the mountaintop and announce it to the world. Just find you somebody that you can trust, that you can talk to. Just start with that one person. Start with yourself if you have to. Be vocal to yourself. Speak up in the mirror in the morning. Talk to yourself. Most of the time when you're in those situations, you feel helpless. 20
Ask yourself, "How do I get out of this?" There's a lot of embarrassment and shame that's attached to abuse as well. You don't want anybody to know that you're going through this because it's impossible to explain to somebody why you would even allow this to happen to yourself. There're so many layers to that. So the only thing I would say is if you could find somebody that you could talk it through with, just talk it out. Understand that there's never going to be a right time to exit. You're not going to be able to check all the boxes. So don't be looking for that. I just left. I left Milwaukee with my daughter. My son followed with my dog in another car that also had our clothes. . . and we just went. I was like, "I'm going to figure this out." I left behind a successful business and many things. You have to reach a point where you realize that this is not what you want for yourself. For me, my moment was having a daughter, thinking she would see me in this type of relationship, and think that was what a relationship was about. I just couldn't bear that another day. So I had to get out of there. I also encourage you to pray and use power-- the power of affirmation and manifestation is real, but get yourself out of that situation the best way you can.
Monique on Being of Service Fancy: I agree with all of those things, and as someone who has also survived domestic violence in different relationships and has a daughter as well, I remember how that really motivated me. That was something that just gave me the strength to be able to leave because I did not want her to think that was acceptable. I understand totally where you're coming from there. You have a genuine desire to live authentically and to help others. Where does that stem from? Monique: Helping others? That’s just who I am. I think that is truly my purpose. I've been put on this earth to live a life of service. That's when I feel most fulfilled, that's when I feel most rewarded–when I am giving back. I believe in the power of attraction. I believe that when you give, you receive. The more you give, the more you receive. That's not why I give, but that's just been a wonderful consequence of giving so much of myself. So, I don't think there was anything I could have done differently. That's just who I am. I live authentically because I felt I had to pretend to be something for so long. In poor relationships or when you're in a controlling situation or abusive situation–whether or not it's physical–you can't fully be who you are. Now, that's why I have decided that I will just live life out loud and be who I am authentically.
Whomever that attracts, or whatever that attracts–great. And those that fall by the wayside and cannot handle the fullness of me, that's totally fine. I think that's why I'm now in a position where I must live authentically. It feels fake to me to pretend to be something that [I'm] not. That's just the way of life for me now, and I'm so peaceful and so happy that I finally reached this point.
Monique on Sisterhood Fancy: I love it, and many of us strive to live the same way. So this is our sisterhood issue. What does sisterhood mean to you 21
Monique: Oh, my goodness. Sisterhood means so much. There's so much outside of just the biological aspect of it. I do have a biological sister, but because of the way we were raised, there was no connection there. So, I found myself seeking out sisterhood in other places. This is why I created the Winner Circle, which is sisterhood–a community for women. It is not just composed of entrepreneurs. It is people seeking to be fully themselves without having to dim it down or without the need to pretend to be something else, which is why I called it the Winner Circle–we want winners. We all want to be winners. Sometimes, when you're in a
season where you're doing well, it doesn't fare well for those around you. They have seen you in the season when you weren't doing so well. You know what I mean? So when you kind of cross to the other side, they don't know how to handle that version of you. Often, there is a different version of you, because now you're fully stepping into who God designed you to be. So sisterhood, for me, is just a safe space…a space to be who you are, to be supported, to feel valued, to feel safe. It's not just, "Oh, that's my homegirl" and fluff. When I use the words “sis” or “sister,” 6 I truly believe that I should feel a kinship and a relationship with women who have been
think I get examples of sisterhood all the time now. similar situations, like me. I understand how it feels to feel like you don't have anybody. So I hope we can be a sister to somebody at some point in our lives, because we all need that in return. Fancy: Can you describe a relationship or experience that showed you the value of sisterhood? Monique: Oh, absolutely. Just having people who believe in you, even when you're not even fully seeing who you are. Like, I've been in situations where I've been without a job or been without money, had a car repossessed. I've been surrounded by a lot of people though only had a few select people–women in particular– that have said, "this isn't you. You're going to be okay." I had, at my lowest point, a girlfriend who was telling me, “You're going to be a millionaire. I'm not even worried about this. If this is happening, God is going to….” And sometimes you need that little reassurance and reminder of who you are. It's happened so many times with social media now. I can't lie. Even to this day, I’ll be having a bad day (I'm human; things happen.) and then somebody sends a message like, “Man, what you just posted helped me so much. Keep doing what you're doing.” Those little moments, to me, are sisterhood. That's a connection. Somebody saying, “I see you.” That's all that we all desire: to be seen, to be heard, and just to be recognized for who we are. I 22
Monique’s SwagHer Fancy: I think those are beautiful examples. So how would you describe your swagher? What makes Monique, Monique? Monique: To be honest with you, in this moment, it is what we were just talking about– being who I am, like, fully who I am all the time. So whether you encounter me at my restaurant, gas station, or wherever in life, I get to be who I am all the time. I don't have to code-switch. I don't work in an office where I have to pretend because I'm the only Black person, so I have to act this certain way. I don't have to dress a certain way. I can wear a jogging suit one day if I feel like it. I can dress up one day if I feel like it. I fully get to be the spectrum of who I am. I don't think there's any one thing. All of this makes me who I am. The fact that I can be all of those things–that I can read the Bible, that I can twerk, that I can listen to gospel music– I can fully be whoever I want to be and whoever I feel like being without having to cap. There's no cap in it. I don't have to front. I don't have to pretend to be something. If you see me smiling and happy, I'm really happy that day. That's not just for social media or posting a picture or whatever; that's genuinely how I feel. So I think authenticity is what makes me [who I am]. . .which is funny
because that’s what makes everybody who they are. We try hard to be somebody else, look like somebody else, and do what somebody else does when it's so crazy. Like, you are so dope, exactly how you are, because nobody can do that better than you. So I wish people understood that, especially in this day of social media. Stop looking at other people, trying to do what they do. Just be who you are, and then somebody's going to look at you like, "Damn, I wish I could do that."
Monique on Marrying Younger Fancy: Yeah, that's very true. So you've publicly shared that you decided to marry younger this time. Any advice for other Black women who may be considering this dating younger, considering the present-day dating pool?
Monique: Well, first of all, I didn't decide that. It's just who God put into my life. I didn't seek that out. It just so happened to occur like that. He just happened to be a little younger than me. I think that this is the key: If you feel like this is God's purpose, that there's a connection here that wouldn't be here if it wasn't for God orchestrating it, follow that and go with that, despite how you think it's supposed to look. That's why I shared that– so that people understand that on paper, it may not look ideal. And I didn't care, and he didn't care. We knew that this was God-ordained, and there
was no way that we would have met the day that we met, at the time that we met and the way that we met if it wasn't for God. So I just say, be open to that and, again, work on you. Be fully who you are so that you can have the power of discernment, so that you can understand what to accept or what not to accept, so you can understand what to look for. Trust yourself. You know what I mean? We all have been through things, and if you look back at it, you'll say to yourself, “I knew I made allowances for this person,” or “I made excuses for that person.” If you find yourself doing that a lot, that's not the person for you, because the person God has for you, won't have you do all that. It's just going to work and flow. So if you have to force anything, remove yourself quickly, because time is short, and you do not have to stick around just because society says at this age or this point in your life, you should be dating, or you should be married. It all happened in God's timing. I think that's why I've been blessed like I have. Had I not just trusted God, I wouldn't be in the marriage that I'm in now. So you just got to trust it and go with the flow.
https://moniquerose.com
@themoniquerose
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HARMONIES OF AUTHENTICITY:
Gail Renee’s Journey
FROM BLOODY WATERS TO ROCKBOY RECORDS By Christina Woodard Step into the vibrant world of Gail, a musical maverick whose artistry defies conventions, seamlessly blending soul, jazz, gospel, rock-nroll, blues, hip-hop, and dance. In this exclusive interview, Gail shares the roots of her diverse musical style, attributing it to a childhood that transcended musical boundaries. Gail reflects on pivotal moments in her career, from winning the 2020 Heritage HipHop Album of the Year Award for
Christina: What is your
that didn’t see color or boxes when it
Bloody Waters to signing with
SwagHer? What makes Gail
came to music. We literally listened to
Rockboy/Sony Records. She
Renee, Gail Renee?
everything in my house. Music is music. So, it never occurred to me that
discusses her unique voice, drawing comparisons to legends
Gail Renee: I think my SwagHer is
I had to be one thing. When I decided
and the spiritual essence that sets
that I own my power while
to make my music, it came out multi-
her apart. Dive into the creative
knowing that it is a gift from God.
genre because that’s just who I am.
process behind groundbreaking
This keeps me humble and
albums and anticipate the Holy
appreciative of the power and gifts Christina: How did winning the 2020
Ghost-infused magic in her
of others.
Heritage HipHop Album of the Year Award for Bloody Waters impact
upcoming work. Gail's journey unfolds, a testament to
Christina: Your music is often
your career?
authenticity, resilience, and the joy
described as a unique blend of
of pursuing what she loves.
various genres, including soul,
Gail Renee: It allowed me to see that I
jazz, gospel, rock-n-roll, blues,
can be who I authentically am without
hip-hop, and dance. How did you any gimmick or alter ego, and people develop this diverse musical
will still connect to me. Because
style, and what inspires you to
Bloody Waters was such a deeply
explore such a wide range of
personal album and I was so
genres in your work?
vulnerable on it, it also made me see that people from all walks of life can
24
Gail Renee: I grew up in a family
relate to heartbreak and pain, and we
People Go, have been celebrated as groundbreaking and innovative. Can you share the creative process behind these albums, and how do you feel they contribute to your identity as an artist?
Christina: You recently signed with Rockboy/Sony Record, a major milestone. How do you see this new chapter in your career shaping your trajectory as an artist, and what do you hope to achieve with the support of this label? Gail Renee: Signing with Rockboy is a great chapter in my career. It feels wonderful to have a team behind me that really believes in me and my ability. I am so grateful for what I have been able to do with just myself, producer Stanley Ipkiss (who produced my last two albums), and other wonderful artists that I love working with, like Armando Outthere Diaz, Blackworld Films, my husband– Chops Tha Savior, Sierra Renee, Get Rite, etc. Newark, NJ, is literally a treasure trove of amazing artists. But Rockboy Records will give me a chance to come out of my comfort zone and explore other sides of myself as an artist. I’m super excited about what acclaimed producer D/R Period and I will do together in the studio this year. He and Fly Ty .
created Rockboy. Christina: Critics and fans have likened your voice to iconic figures such as Tina Turner, Janis Joplin, Aretha Franklin, and Ella Fitzgerald. How do you feel that you are being compared to these greats? Though you are compared to them, you are your own unique artist. What do you think sets your voice apart from others in the industry? Gail Renee: Thank you. It’s a great honor to be compared to those phenomenal singers who have made such an indelible mark on music. Interestingly enough, I spent many years doubting myself as a singer because my voice didn’t sound like the new trendy voices (no shade). When I started making my first album, Bloody Waters, I realized that my voice sounded different, but God placed His anointing on it, and it deeply touched people’s souls. I’m so grateful for that, and I never again doubted who I am as a singer/songwriter. Christina: Both your debut album, Bloody Waters, and your sophomore album, Let My .
Christina: Is there anything else you would like to share? Gail Renee: I would like to share that I am so excited to be doing what I love with people who love and respect me. I am also very thankful to be sitting here with you, SwagHer. Thank you for watering my Swag. Blessings. Photography Outthere
.
CONNECT WITH GAIL RENEE:
all want to be validated, and most of us want to heal. I am no longer ashamed of being human.
Gail Renee: They are groundbreaking. I put my heart and soul into both. Every time I enter the booth to lay a song down, I kneel on the floor, surrender everything to God, and thank Him for the outcome. I will continue to do that with my new music, and I know God will do His thing. You know what is the dopest thing about my Rockboy relationship?.... D/R Period is a serious Man of God. Mannnn that studio is going to be filled with THE HOLY GHOST!.... LOL. This new music is going to be FIRE. GET READY!
by
Armando
26
COME ON, SIS, I GOT YOU By: Shay Cole When a statement such as “I got you” is made, the person on the receiving end may feel supported, comforted, and relaxed. They likely feel as if a weight has been lifted from their shoulders, and they can keep going towards their goals. These three simple words can mean so much to someone who feels they are alone, unseen, unheard, or unappreciated.
This is the case in personal relationships and business. Yet, in business, it translates differently. In many cases, women are made to feel as if they have to compete with one another to achieve their desired level of success. As if there is only room for one woman to be great. Not to mention the constant battle for equality among male counterparts. The ladder to success is full of broken steps and loose nails however, women have always found a way to defy norms and make history. Women are the thread that holds the fabric of this world together. When women intentionally combine their skills, talents, tools, and knowledge, they create magic. Lives are greatly impacted when women unite. Let’s face it: women don’t even like going to the bathroom alone in public, so why would women like to be alone in business? Sisterhood in the workforce is pivotal to patching
those broken steps and covering those loose nails on the ladder to success. Having someone that ‘gets it’ makes the journey so much more worth it. Knowing that there is someone on the same team with similar goals provides a level of comfort that is so important. No one wants to feel like they are lost or confused, especially when they are surrounded by people who can assist. It’s the little things like having a safe place to retreat to or a sounding board to bounce ideas off that keep peace in perspective. It also creates excitement because there is someone else invested, someone else to share the lessons and wins with. There is an African proverb that states, ‘Each one, teach one.’ As lessons are learned, they should be shared. As goals are reached, lessons should be taught. As growth occurs, new opportunities should be
fostered. Every woman has something to share. Every woman has something to gain. This world could not be what it is without women. All women should strive to remove the fog of competition and comparison and revel in the beauty of collaboration and partnership.
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Keeping It Real:
2 Tips for Authentic Brand Storytelling
BY: Francheska “Fancy: Felder Authenticity has become the cornerstone of effective brand storytelling in a world inundated with marketing messages. For SwagHer Magazine and our community of empowered Black women, authenticity isn't just a buzzword – it's a guiding principle. Here are three essential tips for businesses looking to keep it real with their storytelling.
1. Understand Your Audience Inside and Out
Authentic storytelling begins with a deep understanding of your audience. Take the time to listen, engage, and empathize with the experiences of Black women. Whether through social media, surveys, or even focus groups, gather insights into their needs, desires, and challenges. Avoid relying on stereotypes or assumptions; instead, celebrate the diversity and richness of the Black female experience by doing your research and asking them yourself. By staying true to your audience, you can create content that resonates personally and fosters genuine connections.
2. Embrace Transparency and Vulnerability: Authenticity requires honesty, transparency, and vulnerability. It is not always easy to do, but be open about your brand's journey – the successes, failures, and lessons learned. You can do this by acknowledging mistakes, addressing criticisms, and demonstrating a commitment to growth and improvement. Invite your audience into the conversation and ask for their feedback and input. By embracing transparency, you can build trust, credibility, and authenticity with your audience. Remember, authenticity isn't about perfection but being genuine and real in every interaction. In a world where authenticity is often elusive, businesses prioritizing genuine storytelling stand out. Understanding your audience and embracing transparency allows you to create authentic connections that resonate with Black women. At SwagHer Magazine, we believe authenticity isn't just a marketing strategy – it's a way of life. So, let's keep it real and inspire greatness together. 29
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By : Francheska “Fancy” Felder
3 Tips for Making Friends in a New City Having recently relocated to the DMV area, I’ve been pondering ways to meet new friends. Then I saw the notification for Balanced Black Girl Podcast’s latest episode and instantly opened the app to listen. The hostess, Lestraundra Alfred, shared how she had been conversing about friendship all month. For the last episode of the series, she asked her audience what questions they had. How to make friends in a new city was the number one question. Obviously, this was right up my alley. So, I tuned in as Lestraundra discussed two ways to make friends. I will share them below, along with two sub-tips that she mentioned, and if you combine those two, you get three.
1. Attend Events 31
Attending events is the most obvious and best way to make new friends in a new city. I mean, if people do not know you, they definitely will not show up at your house. So, how else will they learn how awesome you are? The Balanced Black Girl Podcast’s hostess says she aims to meet one to two people at each event, which I totally agree with because I realized that is all I can manage when I am out. Furthermore, you already share a common interest if you are at the same event.
Follow Up Speaking of meeting people while out, please remember to follow up. It is essential, yet we must always remember this (or at least I do). For this reason, I plan to set a reminder on my phone to follow up within a certain
Say Yes to More Lestraundra mentioned something important, which was to say “yes” more, meaning when people invite you places, you must accept if you want to build a connection. While that may seem obvious, it, too, is easy to forget. If you are anything like me, you are used to having 100 reasons why you cannot attend. “Sis, do you want to make new friends or nah?” This is the question I would sarcastically ask myself, and ultimately I desire to make meaningful connections with others, so I will say “yes.”
2. Interests & Hobbies
32
Balanced Black Girl says we can make friends by finding people with the same interests or hobbies as us. Ask yourself your hobbies or interests, and then find events and classes where others like you might be. If you are still finding yourself like me, this could be difficult, but I want to note that we are adults now. We are not obligated to be friends with people with whom we share no similarity. In other words, don’t waste your time doing things you don’t enjoy to meet new people. As intentional women who like to keep it real, it’s important that we be ‘
Lestraundra mentioned something important, which was to say “yes” more, meaning when people invite you places, you must accept if you want to build a connection. While that may seem obvious, it, too, is easy to forget. If you are anything like me, you are used to having 100 reasons why you cannot attend. “Sis, do you want to make new friends or nah?” This is the question I would sarcastically ask myself, and ultimately I desire to make meaningful connections with others, so I will say “yes.” Do you have more tips for making new friends or stories about friendship and sisterhood that you would like for us to share on our website, shoot us an email at info@swagher.net
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ELEVATING MASSAGE THERAPY From Luxury to Necessity physical well-being. Meagan concludes by inviting a greater appreciation for the industry’s depth and encourages everyone to explore and support certified therapists in their journey toward holistic wellness. Christina: What is your SwagHer? What makes Meagan, Meagan? Meagan: My drive and determination have always been intriguing. When I know exactly what I want, I go and get it. I’ve always been a hard worker. Christina: What inspired you to transition from being a part of the salon and spa industry for 15 years to becoming a business owner and focusing on massage therapy as a necessity rather than a luxury?
B Y :
C H R I S T I N A
W O O O D A R D
In this interview, Meagan Ewing, a seasoned professional in the salon and spa industry, unveils her inspiring journey from an industry expert to a passionate business owner, placing massage therapy at the forefront of wellness. Meagan shares her motivation to shift perceptions, emphasizing the necessity of massage in pivotal life moments like weddings. As the founder of Namaste My Day, she reflects on the challenges and growth experienced, advocating collaboration over competition. Delving into her impactful events like “Teach Us Massage Therapy” and “Winter Wellness & Serenity Soiree,” Meagan discusses how these gatherings contribute to her mission of educating on positive touch and overall well-being. She sheds light on the myriad benefits of massage therapy, challenging the perception of it as a luxury, and urges a deeper understanding of its profound impact on mental and 34
Meagan: I wanted to be the voice of massage therapy in the wedding industry and be someone who would listen. I wanted to educate couples in the wedding process that you NEED to get massages during that time. It’s so important, we put massage therapy in such a box, and it’s so much more complex than that. After the birth of my first child, I realized how capable I truly am and how much knowledge I have of massage therapy and the salon and spa industry that needed to be shared. I love to educate anyone who will listen, and that’s when I felt it was time. Christina: Describe what self-care means to you.
Meagan: It means to reset, a time to reflect and guide yourself back to a more grounded starting point and doing anything that helps you get to that point, mentally and physically. Christina: How has your experience as a business owner been since you opened Namaste My Day, and what challenges have you faced?
Meagan: It has been so eye-opening. I have learned so much more about capability and achieving things outside of the box within myself. I am a no-competition person. I am more about working together and understanding how to uplift each other for the bigger picture. I did a lot of this on my own with absolutely no help, and it showed and was great. Now, as I am placing Namaste and massage therapy as a whole in places and spaces that you wouldn’t expect, I am seeking help. One of my goals is to build a team to continue doing what I love: bodywork and education. Christina: Could you elaborate on the events you’ve hosted, such as “Teach Us Massage Therapy, A Wellness Event” and “Winter Wellness & Serenity Soiree”? How have these events contributed to your mission of educating others about positive touch, communication, and overall well-being? Meagan: Those events were so monumental, in my opinion, especially when it comes to all I am trying to fulfill in this journey. My event “Teach Us” I still have no words to really define, and it’s been a year now because I wasn’t expecting all the feedback and love that was felt and expressed during that time. The marriages I was told I helped by encouraging positive communication were overwhelmingly pleasing. We not only had MTs there, but we also had a Yoga instructor teaching couples yoga and a Sound Bowl Meditation specialist. I think that combination took us all by surprise when it completed unity in couples. My friends and I who co-hosted “Winter Wellness” get together once a month to talk about our businesses, help if needed, and connect. After they attended my event, they said there was such a need in Baltimore ( where their businesses are), and just like mine, they wanted to showcase their product suppliers and talented clientele. We had vendors from all across the business spectrum. Still, we kept the yoga and sound bowl meditation and added breath work because those industries are important to implement in your everyday routine. It’s not only rewarding when your attendees praise your event, but when your vendors 35
connect with each other, and with another month away,
Meagan: With everything that you may have heard
you know you’re making a difference.
about massage therapy, I hope that what I have shared inspires you to learn more about our industry and go to
Christina: Can you share some of the benefits of
someone who has the certifications that you are seeking.
Massage Therapy, especially for those who may
And give your therapist more credit when it comes to “
see it as a luxury rather than a necessary
just a massage” because it has more depth than that for
component of self-care?
us.
Meagan: Massage therapy has so many benefits. It not only releases tension in the body, but it is also a mental clarity session. No matter how long you are on that table, you can feel spacy ( which is normal ) afterward. We all need time from our busy schedules, personal life, and anything else we can step away from to rest. One of the most common things you’ll hear us say is just one hour on the table is cumulative to eight hours of sleep—just one hour. Massage Therapy helps with healing by improving circulation throughout the entire body and encouraging flexibility and movement. We do not only use our hands, but we also use our elbows, knuckles, soft fists, and fists, and some are certified to use just feet. For our industry, we use our entire body to help yours. We help improve and release yours and, at the same time, give you space mentally to let go. It’s more than just stress relief. Some of us are certified in trauma mental relief and so much more. Christina: Is there anything else you would like to share? 36
www.NamasteMyDay.info @Namastemyday_ @Namastemyday
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By Candis Johnson
“A sister’s presence makes every moment a little brighter and every burden a little lighter.” -Unknown
Live, Laugh, Love: 10 Tips for Forging Lasting Bonds
Relationships are complicated enough to navigate, and depending on an individual’s outlook on problem-solving, certain situations are not worth saving. By the same token, connectivity is a human experience everyone should practice at least once in their lifetime. The truth is life is hard, and not having someone who is dependable, loyal, and honest around can be even harder, especially nowadays. Having a safe circle of loving friends is necessary and, in some ways, makes life more bearable, specifically for women. More often than not, women are made to go against each other or feel like they should compete 38
with one another rather than support and love each other genuinely. Instead of letting the world dictate how women should interact or treat each other, there is something powerful about forming sisterly bonds with other females who are strong, bold, and confident enough to love out loud. Truthfully, many things shape who we are as people, especially as women. So, how do we forge lasting bonds with other women and live up to our fullest potential in the process?
1. Recognize each other’s strengths 2. Talk through weaknesses 3. Hold each other accountable 4. Support one another in good times 5. Comfort each other in difficult times 6. Trusting the healing process within the sisterhood 7. Always apologize/ Forgive 8. Love unapologetically 9. Laugh often 10. Respect each other’s boundaries.
39
At the core of any relationship, there is a need to feel connected, loved, and supported by the people you trust the most. After all, friends are the family we get to choose for ourselves, and too often, women are conditioned to think we should compete with other women as a way of establishing power or dominance. In actuality, women are stronger together, and for that reason alone, having a sister circle that laughs with you, cries with you, supports you, and checks you when needed is priceless.
Acknowledgments
Photography Monique S. photos: JEdwards Photography PeopleImages Diamond Dogs Gail C. photos: Armando Outthere
Meagan E. photos: Harford Haven Photography Studio
Marketing Francheska “Fancy” Felder Editor-in-Chief Jarmel Roberson VP of Marketing Christina Woodard Managing Editor Briana Brown Social Media Cousin Khadijah Phillips Jr. Publicist Besties Media Cover Design Swagher Magazine Layout Design Andrew Horton Copy Editor Francheska "Fancy" Felder Copy Editor
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